The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #344 - Michael Dowd and Walter Yurkiw

Episode Date: January 5, 2016

Michael Dowd and Walter Yurkiw, former NYPD featured in the new documentary "The Seven Five," calls in to Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt. This podcast is brought to you by: Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/joey to get your first two meals free Club W. Go to www.clubw.com/joey to get 50% off of your first order of wine curated just for you Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 01/04/2016.
   Music:  I Don't Care Anymore - Phil Collins I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Everything She Wants - Wham!  

This show is brought to you by Blue Apron. Blue Apron sends gourmet recipes and all the fresh ingredients to need them right to your door. Our listeners get their first two meals for free when they go to blueapron.com slash Joey. That's blue apron.com slash Joey. This show is also brought to you by ClubW.com. Clubbw is the wine club that changed everything. Right now, our listeners are getting 50% off of your first order when you go to ClubW.com slash Joey. That's ClubW.com slash Joey.

And the show is brought to you by Onit.com. use code word church to get 10% off all of the great optimization products. Oh shit. Monday, January 4th, 2016, you bad motherfuckers. You get a second chance again. Fuck your resolutions. It's all about one thing, motherfuckers. Oh shit.

I don't care anymore. What? Church of what's happening now? That's a fucking jam, Lee. That is a jammer. It's a fucking jam. I didn't know he was a drums player. Fuck yeah.

Fuck yeah. He's a great drummer. Happy New Year, cock suckers. Uncle Joey here with my main man, Lee Syatt. We're here. Two thick, 16. We didn't take the week off because I was sick last week. We took the week off because there was nothing fucking happening.

You know, what was going to come in here and talk and burn a fucking gas. And fuck it. We just took the week off. We'll refresh. We hope you had the same. I'm sorry if we left you on the fucking hook. I got a lot of emails I answered last night. People are like, what the fuck, Joey?

Are you okay? But, blah. No, it was just that, listen, man, we've been doing this straight for a long fucking time. And I'm taking some time off a company. The next two weeks also, nothing. Staying at the house with the family and enjoying this. We're moving offices. So shit's fucking happening.

What's up, dog? I had a great last couple weeks. It's, I don't remember. And not that my life compared to a lot of people who work nine to five is pretty relaxed, but I don't think we've taken time off ever. I don't remember the last time, like, two years ago when I went home to Boston in the winter? I don't remember. It's just that, you know, I went away

in November. I mean, it just got to the point where you need a break. It was between the stand-up. You know, I changed my schedule this week, this year a lot. I'm not going out as much. You know, because I want to pay more attention to you guys. We'll move in offices next week. Same backdrop. We're just going to have a little office of TV screens. Still fucking. and we're still going to be bad motherfuckers. We're just moving to an office closer to the house.

This was the first office I wanted a year ago, three years ago. Yeah, more than a year ago. Four years ago, a friend of mine had an office over there. And it was just a convenient place. We weren't in the hallway so we could spark up a fucking number and we can make things at home for you. And that's it, man.

So that's what we're doing. Everyone needs. Like, there's something, like, sometimes when I talk to my parents, because I try to talk to them four or five times a week, there's only so many things you can talk about. And so many times you can tell the same stories. So it's nice. Like I was just sitting at home and I was like, oh, I haven't thought about this story in a while.

I haven't, I haven't said this. So I'm sure for you, it's nice to just not have to talk as much. Well, you know what? I was focusing. I couldn't wait for the end of the year to come. I cannot wait, guys. Fucking in November, I cannot wait for New Year's Eve so I could just take some time off. It just, I knew it.

I knew I just wanted, I could not fucking wait. and the more I tried to slow down, the busier it got. Little things kept popping up. I still got the podcast. I still got my family. I still got all these responsibilities. You know, the worst thing to do is that people do that I did for years. And then used to get pissed off was I became a regular person.

And you guys are going to go, what are you talking about? I'm talking about it. I became, I bought into this shit. I bought into the mindset that people slowed down after Thanksgiving. And I played into it my first three years here. And then I started working. I never really like dropping the ball during the holidays. It's the fucking holidays.

Once Christmas Day is over with my mind, I'm about to kill somebody. Like I'm ready to go to work. I'm ready to fucking start doing stand up. I'm ready to start acting. Whatever the fuck is going to happen, let's make it happen. I'm one of those guys. Like, I get fucking anxious. Like, I'm ready.

Is it because, like, if you take a couple weeks off of working out, when you start working out again, it's going to take, it's going to suck and it's going to take you a while to get going again. So is it because now, like you've been saying for the past few days, this week, it's not like everyone's going to be doing stuff. In my world, this is dead. Like, this isn't dead for me. I still go on a rock and roll.

But I could tell that everybody else is dead. Like, it's today people are just telling stories and what they got and what they ate for Christmas and how the flight was. A lot of people ain't flying back till today. The flights go straightened out until Wednesday, maybe Thursday. If you're smart, you stay home until Thursday or Friday. If you can, yeah. If you can, why you have, you know, I'm not talking about the, I'm talking about generalities here.

Well, people like to travel. I would never fucking travel over the holidays, Lee. Every fucking year you see people stuck. And they make sure they show them to you on the news. And those carts in Chicago and shit. See that young girl crying? Oh, I felt so bad. She was just sobbing.

Listen, man, this time of the year, you're throwing a 50% fucking die. 50% whatever the fuck is, 50-50 chance. Even if it's not like, even if you're flying from here where there's no snow, the plane could be coming from Chicago or somewhere else. It's scary. Like, that's for comedians, it's amazing how nonchalant you guys are about flying, even though you could get, your big money week could be canceled at the drop of a head. if there's a whole bunch of snow.

Okay, but the week starts on Monday. So you already have a, you already know what's going on. You already know what's going on on Monday. If you're a smart person, you're looking at the national weather on Monday. And they're telling you, there's a snowstorm in fucking Chicago hitting Monday dropping 24 inches. You ain't going to New York City on Friday. I ain't no fucking weatherman. But if something's in Chicago on fucking Wednesday, it's going to be alive and kicking in New York on Friday.

Right. If it's no 24 inches in Chicago, guess what? What? We're going to get 9 to 12 in fucking New York. You don't need to be a fucking thermologists, whatever they fucking. They all call themselves like Johnny Storm or, you know, Mikey Thunder. You ain't dick. You're making a hypothetical, whatever the fuck that is, an educated guest. The ones in L.A. are scary.

They're Terry. But they're terrible. Listen. My wife wake up. Is it coming down? I go, no, it's sunny and fucking 60. She couldn't believe it this morning. Yeah, they've been saying.

It's going to come down Sunday night. You know, they're scared his shit out of these fucking. fucking white people. Now they're doing 40 instead of 60. That's all this is. So if that's what I look at, I look at the weather. Remember that the situation we had in Boston? And I kept saying you get the fuck out of there. Yeah. I know on Monday. You know. If you know anything about weather patterns, you know if they got hit. Now Colorado's different. But if it's headed out, Iowa and east, you're dead. And you see what direction it's going. Let's say it throws off a little bit. If it throws off a little bit from Iowa, Boston's getting killed. that's right in the way of Boston. So it doesn't take, so you can contact with the club. Hey man, what's going on? Well, now some club owners are fucking morons.

Some club owners will take the chance. And guess what happens, Lee? Yeah, so you get 12 inches on Wednesday night or Thursday. You cancel the show Thursday, but Friday ain't nobody going out, even if you shovel the roads. Right. So you understand, you see a big snowstorm. Come and you know your area as a businessman.

You've lived there. You know, listen, let's call it. Let's reschedule this motherfucker and bring a magician in this weekend and handle our losses. We've still got the tickets, people's money. They're not going nowhere. They're going to come see Joey. We'll just reschedule them real quick. We'll just, what's your schedule look like, Joey?

Right. You know, for me to go to Buffalo and for them to get two feet of snow on, for me to do one show on Saturday night or two, it's happening to Tom's a Guru last year. He got somewhere and ended up doing like one and a half shows. Jesus. Do you ever get bummed out about the weather? Like, my dad was in nightclubs for the majority of my childhood. And if it rained, I just, I knew he was going to be, he wasn't angry at me, but he would be angry.

Like, it would ruin his night because he knew at 3 p.m. that no one was going to come to his parties. Well, anybody who's a successful bar on the nose, except for fucking a tornado or a 12-inch snowstorm. And even then, people will come out. If you've got a real bar, listen, you're not going to get the 190 you expect it, but you're going to get 60 alcoholics down there. You're going to get 60 alcoholics out there. Everybody knows when it's going to snow, and they're going to go, let me go get a couple,

let me go get a few packs of cigarettes and a bottle will bring home. I might as well stop at Joan Marries and get a fucking cocktail. Yeah. And on the East Coast, it's different. Out here, like you said, it was going to rain, and the whole city was going to shut down because of some rain. some fucking rain. But I'm talking about somebody who's going to go out. Do you think when I was doing blow and I wanted to get my dick sucked and I was getting an eight ball and I had money in my pocket that a full of snow scared me?

Right. I'd get those fucking snow shoes and I'd walk all the way up to Joe Marys or when I lived in Colorado. I'd walk up to the Stone Bridge or over the fuck I was. I walked up. Yeah. If you're doing what you're doing, if you're real, you're out. The weather don't stop nobody but pussies. Rain, rain don't stop a Coke fiend or somebody's going to do some pills and go to a bar and have three cocktails.

Rain don't stop nobody from getting a piece of pussy. Right. Well, you had a thing for a few years that you were going to really snowy locations during the winter months. Is it because you figured like those people will be able to handle it and they'll come out either way? Or it was like when I first heard of it and you did a couple years in a row, I was like, so I was very surprised. I go to Columbus and I go to Buffalo in January usually. Yeah. Switching around.

And then Minnesota the last couple years, too. And then Minnesota, oh, one year I went to Minnesota. I just feel, I like the cold weather. I like it, so I want to feel it. I want to feel what they're feeling. I want to make them come out in their fucking weather. I like that shit. Buffalo's a great city, man, and they don't give a fuck about weather.

They had 11 feet of snow last year, and they were still going on. They don't give a fuck about weather. If you're funny and they want a party, they'll come down. That's what I'm saying. So the weather affects it to a degree, you know, in the wintertime. But I've seen people get stuck in cities, people shut down, you know, and you can't do nothing for two or three days. That I wouldn't mind. If I got weed, well, I got a way to get weed and somebody delivers to the hotel, I'm good.

I'll just sit there for two days and write jokes. You're doing me a fucking favor. I'll do laundry. I'll do my own laundry. Downstairs, I'll get a whole new set of clothes. I'll wash my workout clothes. And I'll keep fucking working out until the plane leaves. That's something that I actually wanted to work on this year is not getting as upset when there.

There's like nothing I, when there's no, nothing I can do to control it. Like, I'm a big, I'll beep or get mad at someone driving really slow in front of me, or if, like, my flight's canceled, I'd get upset before. And there's nothing, I've gotten better at it, but there's literally nothing you can do to make it better. This year, I had a bad thing. I had Mother's Day. And my flight was at 6, 9 o'clock at night, 10.30 at 9. Then I didn't get home.

And I got a little hot, but I knew. I got hot when they didn't tell us the information. that's what gets me hot. When American Airlines puts you on a flight and you sit there, you have the connecting flight from, you go to LAX to Nashville and then let's, oh no, you got to LAX Chicago and then you collect the Chicago to go to Nashville.

You board the plane in Chicago, the tell you they're going to defrost the fucking plane, then defrost and they tell you there's something wrong with something. They got to bring apart to get off the fucking plane. That's what pisses me off. Oh, the airlines are the worst. That's what gets me fucking hot. I'm not saying it for them.

Not the fact that, you know, that they delay. Things are going to happen. Yeah. That's why I take the first motherfucking flight out. Because those motherfuckers are never delayed. They'll push them out because they know let's at least get one flight out there to get it there to pick up the people that are coming back or wherever the fuck they're going. The airlines will take a shot with that.

That's what I do have to give them. But I got one delay last year. I really can't complain. One or two delays last year. I really can't. One was a 10-hour one. Yeah, that was a long one. But I had weed.

I had a pen, a vapor pen. I had an e-cigarette. I had everything covered. So if something, I got my iPod, which I lost this last time on the way back from Vegas, I got to call Southwest again. You know, you just travel. You just get used to it. It's life.

You just get fucking used to it. You know what I can never get used to? When I first got here, I had the worst thing going on. I can never get used to working on a set. Really? Oh, I hated it. Basketball, I fucking hated it. Hated it being on that set.

That was my first big time on a set. Hey, how you doing? Hey, you call tomorrow's 7 o'clock. Okay. Seven, I get there. Eat some breakfast and we'll get back to you. So what's going on? I don't see my number on the sheet.

They give you a sheet with the number of the scenes. They're going to shoot and who's in the scene. You're looking at the sheet going. Okay, I'm number 38. Number 38 is the last scene of the day. Oh, no. And you're calling seven in the morning. Seven in the morning.

So what do you do? So you have two options. If you don't have prepared, sometimes they put you in a box, bro. Sometimes in the big movies you get a little trailer but you got TV. You don't get no reception. You get WK.K. You get

like fucking different channels from Europe and shit and Telemundo. You even notice how Telemundo comes true? You don't need an antenna, nothing. You don't even need a TV. Just put your hand up with aluminum foil and you'll get fucking Telemundo. And Korean stations around here. And Korean station will get through. They fucking play on the radio and shit. They don't give a fuck.

Telemundo always comes up. Anywhere I've been to, Telemundo. The most thing you hear Maracas and people dance and they'll fucking tell a novella. But what was you talking about? I don't even know what I'm talking. Travel like travel. Yeah, no. Listen, no, the movies.

You fuck those sets. And now the movies are you here. And then I think like the third movie I figured it out. I think by a American gun, I had it figured out. And that's the first time I brought a book and I brought a notebook. And I brought a pencil, you know? Yeah. And I wrote a little bit.

That was the first time. Then I figured out people were bringing iPods. Wow, I could take a walk and smoke a joint. And then I figured out people were bringing DVDs. Like in the longest shot, I had a DVD player. So I just started bringing Bruce Lee movies and shit. We just watch movies in my trailer with the air conditioner on. What was that like?

So on some movies, you're there for like a day. Right. If you're there for weeks, do you have to be on set every day all day just in case they need you for something? No, you get there and there's numbers. All right, so I'm number six on the longest yard. I was number like 11 or something like that, the longest yard. So they have different scenes. Scene number 38 doesn't have me.

Scene number 62 doesn't have me. Scene 11 has me. So I got two scenes until I work. Now I go on the set and I see how quick they're moving. They're moving like fucking molasses. So what do you think about 12 o'clock? Yeah, 12, 1 o'clock after lunch. Shit.

I go back to my trail. I roll a joint. I go for a fucking walk. I burn that motherfucker and I come back and put, a movie on and I sit there. So you wouldn't be nervous about missing? I'm the king of nervous about stuff like that.

Like I would always be nervous. They won't switch. Sometimes they'll switch your number. Where were you? I was in the back looking at a bird. I will hurry up. Suit up. They're looking for you.

But you know, if they're into a scene and they're in the beginning of a scene, oh, you got time. Especially if people have to fall or something. A firecrack has to go off or something. They have to turn the cameras around. If you're shooting on a TV show, it's two ways.

If you're shooting on a movie, maybe they take it from all angles. When I shot and analyzed that, I was on the set from 8.30 to fucking 7.50. Jesus. Me and Anthony Lumpaglia all day. All day with fucking what's his name from Stripes directing all fucking day. Remus? Ramos. Oh, cool.

And he was in front of us. They shot us from you. It was De Niro. So De Niro shoots from 12, 10, 2, 3, 9, 4. eight and six o'clock. And you have to do it all those times? All those times. I was shocked by that.

I went to go see them tape the new, the Matthew Perry show with my mom. We were there for like four hours and they taped like not even the first act of the show yet. And we just got up and left. But it was just too much. It was like we were there for like four hours. That shit takes time.

And they got all the money in the world. So if the director wants to move, it's three takes. Boom, boom, boom. One for you, one for me. Do it the way it says on the book. Do it the way he wants to do it, not do it your way. Move on.

To the next one. Let's shoot from this angle. Let's shoot from this angle. I don't need you in this shot, Lee. Go sit down for five minutes because I don't see you. I'll just have a stand in. Me, I'm a professional. I stand in.

I'll wait there and stand that. Oh, so for like over the shoulder shot? My shoulder. You can't see. But they're not going to see you on this shot. Go take a walk. So with like stars like the near or something leave for that? All those shots are never them?

No. Sometimes they walk away. Oh. And get water. I'll stay there. Sometimes if I'm not doing, what are I'm going to do in my room? Let's do it. All I'm doing is getting better.

With De Niro, I wouldn't leave. I sat like glued with the next door. Yeah. I'm learning. I'm learning. So why not do the take? Keep doing the take. Keep doing the take.

I'm only going to get better. I'm only going to get more confidence. I might learn something in the fucking takes. Do they always shoot movies in single camera? Have there been any multi-camera movies? I was just thinking about how that might work while you're shooting the movie. When they shot the longest yard, for example, when they shoot, when I shot Spider-Man, there was cameras everywhere.

Oh, yeah. The more, the bigger the budget. Let's put a camera. They put cameras everywhere. You know, with the longest shot, it was the first time they used that technology they're using the NFL. Now, with the camera on the string. Oh, yeah.

So there was some scenes. We shot with a camera on a string, fucking, you know, catapults and cameras and people hanging down. And all the same time. I guess for the football game, it would make sense. Yeah, for the football game, you have to shoot it for me. Because you have to have a camera on the running back. who's ever going to make the tackle on the quarterback, you have to have cameras on different people,

so in editing, you can put it together. So you have to have all those cameras on the stars of the fucking team. The longest yard, they had shot, the same people that shot the other football movie had shot the longest yard. Okay. But I guess it was slower for some people. So those football scenes, you have to hike,

and then the guy has to get the ball, and there's a camera there, so you see him running through, but you want to see him from the fans' perspective, and you also want to see him from the other side. It was very hard to shoot a sports movie. It's very hard to shoot a lot of fucking movies, man. It's just hard. And now that I've done it, when I watch movies,

I know what they're going through. You know, I know what they're going through. When I see a movie getting shot, and I understand. You know, I shot Law & Order SVU in fucking January. You didn't they gave a fuck? It was 92 below zero, and the winds were coming off to Hudson. And fucking I was down on Canal Street

So those little winds were making me fuck and in the video You see me with a t-shirt on like it's fucking yesterday Oh yeah Like a robe on like it's yesterday In between takes you put your jacket on you warm up they warm up your hands But when you're right there you're right there Jack That's you talking like normal you can't go It's fucking cold you gotta fucking sit there and go okay this is what's going on

You know when I when I shot that movie I also talked to the guy that was in that boat movie from me the guy's from Boston, the perfect storm. Okay, yeah, yeah. The guy from Buffalo, the quarterback from the other team from the mean machine was the guy from Buffalo, whatever his name is. And I got friendly with him, and we were talking about that movie, and he was telling me, it was four weeks of just underwater training. So before the movie, and they pay you for this.

But before the movie starts, you've got to go and jump in the ocean and, you know, there's sharks, and they take that fear away from you in. You know, you got to say that shit in the meetings. So what does this entail? You know, you're going to be in the water, you're going to be in the ocean. You know that, right? It's cold. There's no heaters.

You know, some of the scenes, they do in a pool, and they throw ink in the water and it looks like the ocean. But some of the scenes, you got to jump in for two seconds. When we did the fucking thing scene, when we all jump in the mud and the longest show. Okay, we get there. We got there that morning, and it was frozen. Nellie was concerned because he had a tour that weekend. He didn't want to get sick. It was fucking freezing out.

But once, motherfucker started jumping in, though, you know, they were like, Joey, you They came up to me. Like, you don't have to jump in and you don't want. I was like, what are you fucking kidding me? I'm jumping in. All these gorillas are going to jump in. What are you going to think of me if I don't jump in? Right.

For stuff like that, though, do you do multiple takes of that? You probably can't. We have to- Three takes to that. How do you? You have to take showers and change clothes. They wiped us off. We went and cut.

Then we all ran off. They take your clothes off. They dried us down. They had heaters there. We got heated up. We put shirts on. They blew our hair. hair again. So it took like four fucking hours

to do three takes. They had a smoother out the water, dry off the patches where people don't see the fucking thing. Is acting really fun? Is it just super? Because everything I hear about it from the audition process all the way through doesn't seem like it'd be fun at all.

But is a process of acting just a great time? It's fun. I think all of this is fun. He wants to fight still tonight. Carlos Cond says some at the end. He goes, I love doing this. I could tell. I could tell you love doing it. If you don't love doing something that much, don't do it. If you're doing it for your dad, don't do it. And if you're doing it for your

friend, don't doing it. That's what makes things easy. I always start coming from a stand-up background, doing, acting was always like my break every 90 days. Like it took my mind away from stand up and I worked on a set for 11 days, three days, six days. I will cancel three weeks of work, not because of the money, just because I wanted to savor the moment. I like it. A lot of comics don't like it. I fucking love it.

I love just dropping this shit for fucking four weeks going to New Orleans and working three days on a movie and even though it's overnight, whatever. That don't bother me, man. That shit don't bother me. I think it's fun. I think all these aspects for me are fun. but I really enjoy acting but I also enjoy stand-up

the problem with stand-up is it's a business and the business side of it fucking gets me depressed even more so than acting well the business side of acting you know you're getting yourself into at scale I'm a lead I'm a fucking union guy so they pay me scale so I know

sometimes if it's a TV show you get more than scale because you're doing a guest star but for the most part you're working for fucking scale which I know and I have an option whether to do it or not. You follow me? Everything is fun until you throw the business aspect of it in.

At least it is for me. When I'm going to ask you for money, it sucks dick. You know, it sucks dick. Doing stand-up Monday through Friday when you're starting off, it's like, I can't describe it. But I could just imagine getting into photography for the first time or getting into drawing art or just taking colors and putting them on an edsel, whatever the fuck the sheet's called.

You know, I'm not a internet, or, you know, anything, anything you do for the first time, that's what makes you fall in love with that. Now you want to seek more knowledge about it and fucking hunt it down and learn from different directors and produce. You know, anything. I'm not plumbing. You know, there's some people, to you and me,

plumbing is all a bunch of pipes. But to some guys, their family's been doing it for fucking eight generations. And this means everything to them. When they weld the pipe, when they fucking whatever, prep the pipe with the cop. and meld the you know you're fucking you know that that that's what it is a job is something that you do from nine to five a fucking something you love you do all the time it's not work it's not work for me when i answer 63 emails yesterday wasn't work for me i enjoy talking to people about addictions

and thank you for listening to the podcast man i'm happy that you're getting something out of this you know if not i wouldn't fucking do it i want to hear what people have to fucking say to me You know, Daniel Gant sends me a letter every fucking week of his family and trees and pictures. And it's all very interesting to me. These are the people that listen. Why is somebody this nice that takes pictures with a fucking sweater on and shit? Even listening to the junk we got to fucking talk about. But that's what, you know, you always want to seek more knowledge.

When you're, I look at fucking Carlos Condo. They were talking about he's taking movement classes and Carlos Condit never stopped. Never stopped. Like he had like 500 strikes or something? You know, people always go, well, I'm taking time more. What time are you taking? What have you done? What have you fucking done?

There's no time off. I was talking about how the holidays taper off, how people get lost in the holidays, and I get it. I understand for some people. They taper off during the holidays. I did it for years. And then I realized that when I was in town, I would book shit, because everybody else was gone.

For years, I was. I would hit my biggest jackbots in December. Do you know I shot an NFL commercial Christmas Eve one year? I swear to my fucking daughter. I'm never heard of this. What happened? An NFL promo. I booked it on the 22nd.

And we shot it at 7 a.m. the 24th of December. They must have really wanted that. Stuff doesn't really happen around that. Like, what was it for? Was it for the playoffs? For the playoffs. NFL. Let's go.

Let's do this shit. I shot two promos. I still see the guy around town. He lives around. on town here was going, hey Joey, how you doing? He shops at Sherman Oaks, that fucking routes. Oh, okay. So I see the guy in there all the fucking time.

So it's, this is the shit that happens when everybody else isn't paying attention. I used to pay attention. I met Nick DePaolo at an audition. Really? When they were going to fire Artie Lang from the Norm McDonald's show. You know when I went on that? December 20th. The year I fucking went all the way to the end for Get Shorty, the sequel.

They told me December. 19th that I didn't get it all these things happened the movie with with uh with uh ving rames and and the other black guy blade when they were gonna box undisputed okay that i booked at that time of the year around here was when they went to see me at the comedy store shit happens but people like I know I got I got to go back home for the holidays my buddy had the job on fucking training day which one he listened to me He had the job on training they have gone into Paula's neighborhood and talking to gangbangers and getting them all in the movie for $200 a day. They were paying him $400 a day.

They offered him like a six-week position. He was coming home telling me how he would hear Denzel rehearsing with Ethan Hawke in the other room. This was an education of a lifetime. He came to me after two weeks and he said, I'm going back home for the holidays. And I said, what are you going to do about that job? He goes, I just want to go home for the holidays. And I remember looking at them. They were giving him $2,000 a week.

And he left the job after he got two checks because that's all he needed. He didn't care about the outcome. Most of the good things that happened happened when everybody else is fucking doing something else. Well, he just didn't want that job then because that sounds like that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. One year, like January 10th, I used to get the breakdowns in those days. The breakdowns, you get them at like four in the morning. Somebody gets them and steals them from an agency and sends them to you, and then they send them to lead.

And that was my career. The breakdowns are where all the roles for movies come out. They let you know what's getting shot, who's looking for what, how many days, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So let's say it would say, uh, breaking bed. We're looking for a fat Cuban with a mobster look. We're looking for a Jewie guy that's bald, and he has to be under five foot six. You follow me?

We're looking for a black dude with a big dick and a one arm and you look at that and I'm gonna forget sitting here like everybody was out of town working and I'm like this year. I'm gonna sit here because I would leave the whole month of January in the past. Where would you go? Syracuse, Miami Improv, South Carolina, Myrtle Beach Club, the comedy cabana. Yeah, I would disappear for the month of January. Go to all those places and work and then come back in February for pilot season. And there's one year, boom, characters wanted. Extreme looking guys, New York City looking guys. I looked and there was Spider-Man 2. And they said, male headshots or whatever. I looked at the edges. I had my wife look it up on the map, and she goes, that's an office.

I said, you know what? I ain't doing nothing today. I put that envelope up in and all. My headshot with a fucking letter. She cast pretty woman. The lady who cast Spider-Man 2, whatever, her name was, cast pretty woman. So I said I love pretty

women. You know, I know something pretending. Go ahead, look it up. Something pretending. Who do you think you're dealing with? So I walked to her, I went to her office in Beverly Hills and I walked up the stairs and I went to get the door and the door was open and I walked in, the assistant

was sitting there and I fucking gave her the envelope. And she's like, what's going on? And I go, none. Diane Crittenden. Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with, Doug? I'll never forget that name as long as I live. You understand? She put me in Spider-Man fucking too because I went down and put the envelope in.

Because I basically did the work, you know? And that's what happens that time of the year. Nobody else is prepared, and there I am with my dick in my hand, ready to fucking go. I think that's the most frustrating part for people trying to get jobs is that very rarely, it seems, matters all about like your qualifications

I think probably close to 60% of it is who's there like who they know and who's there and the hustle that you showed maybe you showed up at 6 in the morning if I go get a job I show up at 6 when you pull up I want to be there 715 that's the guy that gets the job if it's a construction job he's out there freezing

that's the guy I want he's been out here at attention to lose the flag for 45 fucking minutes everybody else is getting coffee smoking smoking 6 about their future. I told you this, that before the fucking break, I wrote a list of things I wanted to do. I wanted to go to Taco Bell. I wanted to go to the strip club.

Well, I went to the strip club one night by myself. On a Sunday night, I went to the store. And I got off the one side. I didn't know where that was. I knew it was somewhere in the fucking valley. I haven't been to a strip club guys and fucking since Eddie Bravo was a DJ at the one by the airport. And even that night, like I didn't get a lap dancing.

and I just went to pick up Eddie. One time I went with Joe for something else. That was it. But to be in a strip club like a man and sit there and watch women dancing shit, so I get off the fucking 170 and there it is, lights and stuff. There's a pool hall next to it. I make a U-turn. I go, if I got a park on the back, I ain't going to go in there.

If I got a park in the front, fuck it, I'll go in there. Pull up to the front. Boom. There's a parking spot. No valet parking, none of that shit. I walk in there, the place is dark. I walk in there and I see fucking some people getting private dances. I walk into the back.

I look around there. Nobody says dick to me. People with guys are sitting there like fat chicks at a dance waiting for somebody to come and ask them to dance. They're just sitting there like. And I go, you know what? This is as creepy as it was the last time I came to this trip club. I'm out of here.

I walk out. I get in the fucking car and I look up and there's a girl going like this. Hi. Hi. And I go hi. And I'm like, what the fuck? And I look at it and she's like, come back, come back. And I'm like, what?

She's like, come back. I get out of the car and I go, what's up? She goes, oh, my God, I can't believe you're in here. She goes like, I listen to the podcast, and I'm sure her boyfriend listened to the fucking podcast. So I start talking to, she's really fucking nice, you know. She got a great body and stuff. And she goes, here's the menu. What do you want to do?

And I go, I don't know. I haven't into those trip club in years, but they got like a 40-minute lap dance or a 20-minute lap dance or something. They got a 10-minute one nude. Forty minutes. That's a little booze. I got a 20 minute one. I said, fuck it, give me one for 20 minutes. I was okay for about eight minutes.

I had like a nervous breakdown, the first six. And then after that I loosened up. My dick got hard. You know, that's when you realize you're okay. Once your dick gets hard, you're fine. The first three minutes, it was brutal. The first three minutes, it was fucking brutal. What was going through your head?

What was going through my head? Suicide if I had a gun on me. I'd shoot her and then shoot me. Right there in North Hollywood, where the fuck I was. I'm not used to that stuff, Lee. Was she facing you or was it like that way? Oh, yes, she was facing me. She was gorgeous.

She was 28. She was Russian. She was beautiful. I've never been in every. Oh, it creeped me to fuck out. And you know what? Like I got a heart on. I nut in my pants.

I fucking sat there for the last eight minutes while she rubbed on me like half dead, dizzy. And she was having a diabetic fit. And then when she got off, we talked for a little while. And then I went home, my little load in my pants and dried it with a tissue and fucking watch that. The honeymoon is of some shit last Sunday night. That's what I did, Doug. But I got it over with. Now I got to hit Taco Bell.

Can you please tell us the people what the next thing on the list was? It was Taco Bell. It was cleaning out my closet. It was all shit that I fucking hate doing. And I had like six things on the list and I did four out of the six. Six things that give me fucking anxiety. That's what I put on the list. Did you do Taco Bell?

Not yet. That shit gives me anxiety. When was the last time you went to Taco Bo? Was it that fucking Ben? I like it when I'm drunk and high, but other than, especially here, it just seems stupid. when I can go get four tacos for 10 bucks that are like actual tacos The only time I would go

Wait, let me ask you something What's up? You and I drive on that fucking road all the time Have you ever seen that Taco Bell not packed? Have you ever? Never. Never. I mean, there are lines around the fucking block Not lines around the block

I'm exaggerating, but the lines are around the island To the end of the parkway. Consum concurred. All fast food. Fast food is always busy And that's, I don't, his diet is. Why don't other people think like you about the tacos? How much of the tacos are tacos?

Here, I don't get it. Here, maybe a dollar. Maybe it might even be a dollar here. I don't know how much tacos are there. But it's the only reason I ever went is because, like, I was just so tired. Like, after a day's work, I didn't want to get out of the car. So, like, I can see that if you're busy. But if you live, it'd be, it'd be like going to, in Buffalo, going to 7-Eleven and getting a Buffalo, like, at 7-Eleven rather than going.

and go into anchor bar or something. It's gross. I just wanted to get some shit over with because I don't do shit, you know. Let me tell you something, man. Oh, I'll eat the shit out of it. I'm just saying it's, I feel that's the one I feel bad about. That and like, like, KFC, I haven't been doing years. That one always made me feel like shit.

I make notes in a notebook. I go to Jiu-Jitsu. I throw kettlebells around. I do a podcast. I hang out with my wife and my kid. That's about. all. Anything else I do? I'm scared of doing

or something. Like I talked myself out of it. And something really interesting happened last week. I saw the fucking 7-5 for the first time. And do you want to me what struck my head about this guy Mike Dowd and Chickie and Walter? You know what struck me fucking...

I was a little off last week. Wasn't I not? Lee? Some days, it was because of this? I mean, not super old, but I could tell some days. It was because I felt something when I watched that fucking thing. I felt that, first of all, that was me. You know, it's, and then I realized that that wasn't me.

That that was still me, that I've been lying to myself for fucking years, like lying about my, who I am. Like, what happened was Lee, at some point in my life, I got really fucking scared or something. Like something. scared the shit. Remember I was telling you, man, that my friends, Fernie and fucking Conti were all became Bible beaters. And my other buddy became Bible beaters.

And it was like they saw something that one day made them slow down with the drugs or whatever the fuck. Well, one guy's not really a fucking Bible beat. He says, you know, Joel Osteen had, but I just found out he was doing blow a year ago. So it's all a lie anyway. But I think, like, I was fucking out of my own. mind like everybody who saw that though like Mike has no respect and you know when we saw the one guy he looked like a cop but Mike was a fucking real deal and the other guy was like Mike was a perpetrator whatever a perp or whatever yeah that was the creepiest one when I heard Mike talk you know I never

signed up for anything Lee I never signed up for anything in my life I was a boy scout for three days I never belonged to nothing you know it just never fit me I always felt out of place. You know, Wynley? Because I was different in my head, not because I was a comedian or something, but because of the thoughts I would get as a young man and what I wanted to do. You know, when I was 16, I didn't know what I wanted to do. I knew it wasn't going to get a fucking job. I never had an aspiration of getting a job. And once I found that you could take shit, I knew I wasn't getting a fucking job. Like, I was like, I'm not fucking getting a job. Like, I'm telling you the truth. That's my friend. I'm telling the podcast.

Listen, it's how I fucking felt. You know, like, guys, I got in trouble for fucking putting a machine gun to somebody and taking the Coke. Like, I didn't give a fuck. And the only thing that really stopped me from doing a crime spree was that I couldn't get anybody from North Bergen that I trusted. See, because having somebody with you that you trust is a different fucking story. As a partner, yeah.

Now, I got locked up in 88, and I came back out, and I still fucked around with drugs and sold coke and made little moves. But when I went back home in 93, I did a couple more of those little fucking drug heist. I'm not going to lie to nobody and tell you that I didn't. And I made really good money on the second one. It got me started with my comedy career. It got me an apartment. It got me a little car.

It paid off a lot of the debt I had. It paid off. And I liked it. When my doubt is talking about that shit, my neck cares was sticking up. Because I know. I know what it's like. What about Chicky when they were talking about that first one where he called Chicky to go get the bag of money? And he was saying like how your heart just doesn't stop beating you until like 20 minutes after.

I am on a drown. I am still hooked on that junk. Like that was my biggest drill. Like when I shoveled snow in Snowmast Village to watch some guy's house that sold Coke and he would leave. And I figured out a way to go into his apartment and just take a half ounce of Coke every day without him knowing what was going on. And then at night I'd go back there and buy $40. worth the coke. I'm telling him I was broke and nothing was going on. I just played this role

of a guy who didn't do blow. Meanwhile, I'm robbing the guy every fucking day without even no remorse or not thinking twice about it. Do I feel good about this today? Not at all. I'm not glamorizing this at all. I'm just telling you who the fuck I really was deep down inside. So when you're watching this documentary, did a part of you ever been like, fuck, I should have been a cop? That would have been a great cover. No. Like it worked great.

I wasn't a cop. No, I know you weren't. I'm a criminal. There was no charade in my life. I never want a charade in my life. I could have been a cop. All those guys that I went to school we got hired as cops early on. I had no police record until later on.

That's not who I wanted to be at all. I was not going to, you know, embarrass that fucking thing and do that. I didn't like dirty cops when I was young when they were coming to my mother's bar or when my mom had the place in the Bronx and they were coming for payoffs for numbers.

It's not that I didn't like them. They just didn't. appealed to me. I'm not talking about Mike as a cop. I'm talking as Mike the mental state of might and my mental state. Okay. Like when he didn't know either. See, oh, he didn't know. He became a cop early on and

he didn't know. Yeah, he said he was for like two years. He was really, he didn't know he was really a gangster. Once he saw it, once you see the opportunity, he was all in. I mean, listen, when you're about to go kidnap a woman, that's what

it drives you to. When you're that crazy, listen to me, bro. I had done a lot of weird things up to I kidnapped Vela. Kidnapping Vela was a little high for Uncle Joey. Uncle Joey wasn't that fucking smart. I wasn't that prepared at that time. That was an unprepared move on my part. I knew it going in.

I knew it wasn't going to work going in, but the addiction was making me do something different. The addiction was always there, and it makes you do something. And it helps you a lot in making really bad decisions, as we all know. That's what the addiction is. It's crazy. And he spoke about it in the documentary. He had a drinking issue and other things.

And I was just watching it. And then with some of the stuff that he did, you wonder, and some of the stuff maybe that you did. If you weren't an addict, would you have done half the stuff the same way? And listen, it could be an addict to the money. Yeah. You could have addicted to the money. Fuck, yeah. $8,000 a week.

That's $4,000. minimum that's just a start that's 16,000 a month cash no no 8,000 each a week I thought oh 8,000 each a week I didn't know for sure I thought It's very interesting when I was watching it I looked at it from a different perspective I got sad But in a way I got very happy because I realized That I got to this part of comedy not as a criminal but with a criminal mentality in sorts like with the Twittering in a way and all that shit It's for me it was like everything else you know I go to a bar

I'd see Lee. I'd ask Lee if he want a bump. I'd give him two bumps and I cut them off. Eventually, you're going to come up with $40 to give to me. Right. You know, you're going to go, where'd you get that? I got another package right here. Let's do this. And the next thing you know, we'll fuck. I got you for $80. So did you ever

have a relationship with the cops like that a Baron did? I had a relationship with two cops. I had a relationship with a cop in Jersey and had a great relationship with a cop in Aspen. Jesus. In Boulder, I got arrested. because I probably didn't have a relationship.

In Aspen, I didn't get arrested at all. Cops only came from my house one time in Aspen. I had no police contact on Aspen, even though I ran a fucking ton of, I'm lying to you, I had police contact in 83 before I left. That's when they figured out it was me who was burglarizing things. But they didn't arrest me. They didn't have enough proof to arrest me. No, did you ever, like when you say relationships,

did you ever have to pay them off or it was just you were friendly with them? I paid them off with blow sometimes. Sometimes I gave them information, you know, You got to give them something. They keep you out there. You got to give them something. You know, you're not a snitch. I wasn't writing nobody out. I would just know that Lee was getting dirty. Lee fucked me one night on a pound of Coke. Also, I find out that Lee holds his coke with that Honda dealership on the corners. He gets his deliveries there on Friday. You know what? You need a bust. You know what? When you bust and don't forget about giving me something off the top. Because they're going to steal something. If they pick up six keys, you think six keys make it to the fucking police station? No. four keys make it for the police station. And then when it's, when it's, when it's, when it's, if you look at the fucking history of New York as a whole, okay, you know, it, what kills me about the seven, five is that everybody's going crazy like they never heard this shit before.

For me, this is what I knew about every day. So for everybody else, they're like, oh my God, you know. Okay, so the Coke gets to the warehouse. Once they book it into fucking, once they book it into fucking, uh, processing and it goes into evidence, the cop who booked it goes and gets four pounds of fucking dust. And now he goes back one night when nobody's watching. He takes two pounds of coke and puts two, because a kilo is two pounds pretty much. It's a couple of fucking pounds. It's 32 ounces, 32.2 ounces of 34.2, something to that effect. So it's two pounds. So you go back with two pounds of cut. You take an ounce of Coke,

put it in there just so it passes the test. And that's what these cops are doing. All of them became drug dealers. All of them. They would bust you and sell your drugs back to you. Cut. You're like, what the fuck is this? What do you mean? So I would take two pounds of Coke from Lee.

Right. Come to the car, pull you over. Lysai, boom, smack you. What do you got in the fucking trunk? Nothing. I take out, you got a kilo of Coke, right? Okay. I take it with me.

And you got a call coming in. Go ahead. Yo. Joey. What's up, my brother? Hey, what's going on? Nothing. How are you guys doing? All right, Mikey, Dad? Yeah, we're hanging out here in Los Olas in Fort Lauderdale right now, me and Walter.

Okay, everything all right. What's happening with Walter? You guys eating dinner down there? You eat some Cuban food? Well, not yet. We might have a course from a Cuban restaurant. Buffet. We'll have that in tomorrow. But we had to bounce into the whole Lauderdale trip, you know, shooters and right now, Las Olas. We've been driving a lot on the road the last couple of days, part of a bit. Good for you, man. you staying down there? We're going to be down here only until Thursday and flying

back Thursday. I did my uncle a favor. He moved the rest of his content from his home down to Florida because he's going there full time. And he did the jersey to Florida for about 8, 10 years. Now he's moving full time. So, you know, he's got to do the right thing to the family.

No, no, hey, we were just sitting here talking about how the last week and a half or so the 7-5 has been all over Twitter. You know, it plays on Showtime and people's fucking people from farmers, you know, in white America, see this shit and their jaw drops. And it's just a sensational story about one of many, you know, of one of many that was one of the worst precincts in the country for a long time. And here you are, I mean, you did your fucking time, my dad. I mean, you got, you don't know, nobody, nothing.

You did your time, nobody could fucking judge you. You wouldn't believe that. You're saying that shit. Am I on live radio? How much does that work? Yeah. I don't talk. Yeah.

Yeah. No, my thing is I did my time, but you wouldn't believe the haters that are out there. Like, you know, there's an American second chance place of opportunity. We were built on corruption to begin with, you know. We all make mistakes. We pay our dues. I got people hating me. You should be dead.

You should die. You can't. Yeah. What are my husband built? I'm sorry. Can I say it once in me over? I got to keep going on the rest of my fucking life. I don't know.

It's amazing how for years I also avoided responsibility. Once you do your time, you learn how to claim responsibility. I tell people that I, you know, who shot Kennedy, I did. Just to end the conversation. That's how you start thinking. You know, I had an argument with a friend of mine at dinner. As I dropped her off, I went out, I got, I hugged you, and I said, hey, it's a bigger man, the bigger the fucking mistake. And she goes, I know, I love you.

And that was it. I can't. And that's it. You know, you're not hiding in a fucking bush hiding. That's why I give you all the credit in the world. There has nobody in the history of this shit that I've seen get more enthusiastic when you're telling the story about finding fucking money.

Only I used to get that enthusiastic. Listen, there's nothing to sensationalize about the crimes we did, you know. But the fact is money, you know, that's what we got to have to have a bed full. We put our pants on. We put our shoes on. We go make money. So when you find money, you know, you're not thinking about the place.

blood that was scaled over it. You're thinking about what I got in my hand right now. I want it. I need it. I don't need it. I know someone that does. I gave a lot of money away, but, you know, they don't write about that. They write about, you know, the condos on the ocean and the fucking corvats and all the bullshit, you know? But, you know, I don't want to, I don't listen. I don't want to pat me on the bat for anything I did. I just want to take the responsibility for what I did. And the thing that I found is that the more responsibility I take, the better I feel.

And, you know, if you don't like me for it, I'm sorry. That's what we're doing life. You take responsibility. You can't be shy to talk about it because there's other out there that wish they could and they can't because they never came clean. My dad, my life. My life changed once I started talking about the kid. Something I was so embarrassed about. Right.

Something I was so embarrassed about. And one day I started singing about it, talking about it, and everything fucking changed. My life changed. Some people handled it and they went away. They couldn't handle it and they went away. and the people who did handle it, they're still here. You know why? Because people that we meet should judge us for how we treat them.

You know, and listen, listen, I'm not condoning any criminal conduct, and I don't think you are as well, you know. But we still have to live a life, and, you know, you have to put your all around somebody that turn their life around and goes forward and wonder how they do it. I mean, because I didn't know how to do it. I just do it one step at a time every day. It's almost like an AA program, you know, one step at a time, you know.

So what's great about the documentary is that we see the evolution. I could, whoever directed it or you as a storyteller, I could see how two young guys become cops, you know, get shot at, blah, blah,

you look around and all of a sudden one day, you find an envelope, you find another one. And you got in so deep that at one point you're drinking just to keep your fucking sane. That's a lot of people to understand that at one point you're doing so many things. You got so many things going.

on in your fucking day that the alcohol is the only thing that makes you focus and put you to sleep at night so you don't think about that shit because that's when the ugly comes out once you're home by yourself at night you had a couple drinks and a couple to doodles and you're sitting there going are they going to fucking coming through the floor who's going to know that they have a camera there you know oh god oh i've been on a lot of cameras too i don't know how it didn't catch me back in nineteen eight or eighty-eight or 89 i just don't get it you know that's which is why that been turned the way it did I mean, if you ain't going to catch me now, but you people suck.

I mean, and I don't mean to put anybody down. I mean, I put my Corvette in the lieutenant's spot. I mean, come on. I was making $33,000 a year, and the car was $36,000. I just lost $1,500 in the casino, and everybody in the police department knew it. I mean, it was embarrassing,

I was like, when are you going to grab me? For Christ's sake, rescue me from myself, because I couldn't do it, you know? But, hey, it is what it is. You know, I'm just what a walk of a woman sitting here fooling around with his Twitter and all that shit right now. I want to put them on, but I got to ask you something else. A lot of people also don't understand.

A lot of the people that are watching this are young. I left New York, Walt. Walter, when I got in, like, I grew up in Manhattan, but my mom had the bar in Jersey, the whole thing. But I had a Santeria godmother on 148th and Broadway. She did the channels for you? Everything, everything. She was the baddest bitch in the world.

When I see I'll talk to you more about it. I grew up, you know, I grew up on 148. And on the corner, they sold weed. Since I was a kid, even if I didn't smoke weed, there was a Puerto Rican kid, and then he became a Cuban kid, then he became a black kid. And one day in 85, I went to see my godmother before I was leaving for Colorado. And I went on that same fucking block. And do you know what, Mike? I could not find one seed of marijuana.

It was crack. Oh, yeah. Crack had taken over the city from 85 to 91, what he's talking about, was just something that you couldn't imagine. Yeah. Those pictures, that's not a... It clean, it hit the police department the way it hit the street. I mean, not to deflect the, not to take responsibility. It hit us all by storm, you know, and it was like, you know, you watch a tornado whip into a neighborhood,

and when the tornado walks out, you know, the neighborhood is devastating. And people are like, wow, it's a beautiful day today. The sun's out. Oh, that was the same thing like, they hit the city. It was amazing how destructive it was. And, you know, a lot of people got sucked up in the winds of the tornado, the funnel of the funnel of the people.

You know, I left New York from 85 to 91. And I was telling Lee, when I watched you on that show the other day, I kind of got sad, Mike, because you want me to tell you? First off, Mike, if I moved to New York, the first guy I'm hanging out with every night is you. And I'll tell you why. Because what I don't have out here is the quality you have. You might have fucked up, whatever.

I'm out in California where people don't look you in the eye. Here you are telling me the truth. And it made me think about, you know, this comedy thing, I did this as a by the way, Mike. Right. I did this as a by the way. Something happened to me when I hit my 31, 32. I got really scared, Mike. I had done my last drug rip the summer of 93 on 178, right by World.

Washington up to Washington Heights. That's when the Dominicans were up there, and we followed the car, and the guy ran out of the car. It wasn't even, we didn't have to say tie you up. The guy before that. He took over the police. They took over the cops. And that was it, hilarious, and that was it, and I left away. But I got to tell you, what you did is what I always wanted to do.

I love all that shit. I ain't going to lie to you? I ain't going to lie to you? You want me to lie to you and tell you I grew up to be a comic, and I wanted to hang out with these fucking morons that have no loyalty and nothing. I wanted to grow up with men who had fucking loyalty and yeah, you fucked up a little bit and you had

a good time, you laughed, you went to Atlantic City you know, the fucking whole thing, you ate the whole, you could eat crab buffet. But there was something, I liked that. I wanted to always be that. But the problem would have with me? I grew up watching Miami Vice, you know what I mean?

There's all about Tubbs and the other guys crock it and tub these guys in their in their Pesios or whatever they have to wear them with their white, their white, their white slacks, and their nice little paisley stuff they were wear. It just made, you know, you only want to be that. You know, I'm something about it. This morning I get up at five, I'm writing, and also at six, I turn on the news,

and I see Miami Vices on, and I turn it on. It's the episode where Crockett loses his mind. Towards the end, when everybody lost their mind, they were all doing blow. So they came up with a subplot that Crockett lost his mind. Joe Santos is in the episode. The guy, the gay guy, El Gato. He was in the episode. I lost a book contract over that word.

El Gato. El Gato. You can't say the gay guy? I don't know. I got in trouble using the word fag or something. Oh, yeah, you can't say the word fag no more. But this guy was a gay guy. But in 1980, he was a fag.

See, that's the difference. Now he's a gay. That's the evolution of the fag. They used to be fags. I love him all. No, no, no, no, no, no. I love him. No, no, no, no, please.

I got a cousin who came from Cuba. He's gay as hell. I love him to death. I don't give a fuck about that. I'm just saying I watch this episode today, so for you to say that shit. Where's Walter? He's right here.

Let me talk to that savage. Say how long of Joey and his people. He's got a couple of questions for you specifically. You got a question? You got a question? You got a question. Walter. Joey, how are you, Walter?

What's happening? Happy New Year, my brother. You too, man. Are you still that? Are you still 6 foot 6, 300 pounds? 6'5. 6'5-8-9. Yeah, how.

6'5, about 285 now. How are you doing in different places? How are you feeling these days? I'm feeling good, man. I'm feeling good about this. How was that part of your life? Just a fucking nightmare, huh? Well, you know, it was a bumpy road, but I enjoyed every bump.

You know, I can't say, uh, I didn't. didn't do it. I did. We had fun. Landed on my ass, though. That's all. That's it. That's the problem. You landed and you got right back to fuck up. You have a question for Walter? I just... This is Lee Syatt. He's the co-host here. Hi, Walter. It was just crazy. I was watching it again today. And they just, they described these like a ball of adrenaline, just like crashing through.

Like, that's who I want to be. I'm a short Jewish kid who never did anything. And just like, just I would love to be the muscle for some. That's so. cool just like to know that you're there to like kick ass well that's what we did i mean we did do our jobs you know we we we we protected people we protected the public it was the extracurricular activities that the police department didn't appreciate well it was crazy how you said that like the police department trained you for those robberies like you you use the formation that they that they taught that they trained this for the robberies exactly that's fucked up it's crazy how you said a word that uh when i got locked up i worked in the kids

And there was a black kid. His name was Etchy. And he would always come in every day and go, Freeze! And everybody would actually go, What the fuck, Etchie? Cut the shit out. And when you said it,

it took me back to fucking Echie saying freeze or whatever. But I, you know, it was watching it. You were there. It took me there. You know, I'm a fan of mics. I'm a fan of yours.

You turn your life around and here you ought to tell your story, man. And if you really look at it, that's the American woman. You know, a lot of people, it doesn't say in the film, but a lot of people don't realize I went to prison twice. Oh, you did get it locked up also? I went twice.

I went in 89 and again in 92. For the same crimes? No, I got arrested in 88 for knocking off a bodega, according to internal affairs. But it was just like what we said. It was a front and we were picking up money. And it just went through the system. And that's all it did.

And then the second one in 92, you came back and you weren't a cop now, obviously. No. No, I wasn't a cop when I come out. I come out in January of 92. And then four months later, you know, these guys got locked up and I got sucked in right along with them. Only because I knew him. And, you know, it was actually Kenny, you know. He asked me that one of these days that I got out of, when I got out of jail, you still there?

How many? got out of jail, he asked me, says, can you deal? You know, and I turned them down. And, you know, I started to try to lead a straight life, and I did. But, you know, just got caught up in the whirlwind, in a whirlwind. He was over after Michael Cee is, and anybody that was attached to him in any way, shape, or form. And that's how I ended up in jail the second time, too. But Michael's like my brother. You know, he took me in my first bit. you know when I got arrested

everybody turned their back on me including family and you know Michael took me in you know kept the eye on me for a year and he drove me to jail so you know hey so it's way that way that way you got a story and a half Walt I'm happy

you survived through this I'm happy you got a second chance we learned the lesson and that's it you move forward man enjoy your little vacation and hopefully I'll meet you guys in New York in February or Mike's going to come We're going to show the 7-5 in the office in the studio here. We could talk about it, whatever you're welcome.

I'll keep you guys posted. And that's it, my brother. Sounds good, man. Let me talk to Mike real quick and just give him one last month. He's not busy there. Appreciate the reach out. Be good. Thank you, brother.

Hi, Joe. Mike, so I'm telling these guys you're going to come back. We want to come in studio. We're going to play the movie. We'll sit here for a while, talk about it, what you were really going through. Because a lot of times you watch stuff like that and you leave out, certain things. Oh, yeah.

You know, I wanted to leave this in, so make some notes and we'll chit-chat about that. And that's it, man. I got nothing but love and respect for you. You did what you did. You told your story. You did your time. Listen, to make some eggs, you're going to, you know, to make an army, you're going to have to break some eggs, I'm sure.

People got hurt along the way, but they were in a game also. Yeah. Sometimes. Oh, yeah. There's no one of some victims here. Thank God. You know, of course, they're going to say I had people murdered and shit, which isn't true.

Like, you know, just I want you, before you, we shut down, and I don't know if it's still out live or not, but the micdoubt.com or The Micdoubtout on Twitter and Instagram. I wish people just give me a shout out. I try to get back to everybody that sends me a private message. And also, uh, John Cardillo show on Iheart radio is what we're down here for. At Sean, he's a little NRA nut job. Right.

A little conservative, a little conservative psycho, but he's entertaining. And you know what? This is all about a little bit of entertainment in my life. So it's John Cardillo at Iheart and the micdow.com for The Mike Down on Twitter and Instagram. I'd appreciate it if you can shout that out. You can shout that out. I try to get back to everybody. Okay.

No worry. Hey, man, listen, like I said, you got nothing but love from me here and we'll talk. We'll have you in studio by the end of the month. My love is back at you. God bless you. And my peak say hello. Love you, man. Stay black.

I love you. Thanks for everything. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Little Tony Bennett. Pick up the pieces when somebody. breaks your heart

some somebody twice as smart as I Let me give some shout out to my main man David Christensen Always talking back and forth with me Buffalo Magic I love you guys

Valdemar, Richter, Mark Thomas, Rob Bradley Heidi Geldis Young down there in Arizona holding it down Edward's Automotive and Space Monkey Sean I love you motherfuckers Remember the Savage Dad tour Starts in Charlotte January 28th

The following week in St. Louis At What the fuck? No, no, helium.com But go to joeydeers.net for T-shirts And for all your tour dates He refixed the webpage We're going to start doing the blog on there pretty soon

I think the podcast are up on there He had the last podcast up, so that's great. So the webpage is looking up. Go to joey dears.net and see what else is cracker lacking. Yeah, it's, listen, man, everybody has a system. And a couple of years ago, I was on a tour with a comic who was very nice. We got into the conversation about a dirty cop, and this guy lost his mind. He couldn't believe it.

And I get it. I had a lot, you know, as an American, you have a lot of respect for cops. and sometimes, but this was a different time and this was a different era and the only way you could fucking really judge it is you were in there, and I knew those neighborhoods. I knew those fucking neighbors. They were, I wouldn't go there.

I wouldn't go there for drugs. Fuck no, fuck no. Even that Washington Heights in the 80s got scary. They killed the cop with a bucket of spackle. They were throwing spackle from the roofs at the cops. Jesus. These motherfuckers were running, you know, this was street game. And sometimes, you know, you look at your paycheck

and you're getting $600 a week, but that's what you signed up for. So a dirty cop is a dirty cop. I just happen to like this guy because these are the guys I grew up with, number one, number two. Like I said to you guys, I watched this show,

and it really fucked up my insides for a few days because my wife said to me in New York, how did you leave this place? This is you from your head to your toes. What you're doing now is like a sham of who you are. Like, you're a fucking city guy. And people understand,

it was a big sacrifice for me to leave. It was a fucking huge sacrifice from me. I love New York City. I love the action. I love the adrenaline. I love all that shit. But part of me knew I wouldn't survive. And I didn't want to die. Not like that on the fucking streets.

Not like that, man. And then when I went to Colorado, I was telling Timmy Holloway this morning, I was fucking crazy when I went to Colorado. When I went to Colorado, when I went to Colorado 85, it was like Joe Rogensen. It was like putting a kid in a candy store. I did what the fuck out. I sold the membership to the mob.

Do you understand me? They didn't understand how fucking crazy I was. When I got divorced in 91, I went back into street mode. I started selling Valiums, and I started hustling, Jack. I started selling neon door to door, and I just started fucking hustling, and one thing led to another,

and, you know, next thing you know what I'm saying, I always knew that I could go back to sell them something if I got in a bind. Those first couple of years here, I would sell something from time to time. I was always putting a move together. If rent wasn't made by the 25th, and I had six days to go, that means you

You gotta sell an eight ball or two. You gotta come up with, you know, four or five hundred dollars. Something's got to be done. So I would do it because I always knew I could go back to it. And number two, I was fucking good at it. It's what I know, Lee. It's what I know. This comedy thing was something I hit under and it hit

because I happened to tell these fucking stories and shit like that. It's scary. It scares the shit out of me. And it's crazy how different people can grow up. Like, I'm one of the people. I watch that documentary. My only experience with cops and telling me, like high school was Officer Rocky.

He was the DARE cop, and he came in and like a stuffed animal. And like I, to think about a cop is going and and giving a police escort to the head of a mob is, I know it happens now, like now, but if I had watched this at like 15. Well, I think corruption is down now. I think corruption still exists.

It's just a little down now because you have more eyeballs. You have more film. You have more cameras. you have more. And still cops are shooting people. You know, cops are shooting people more than fucking ever. But, I mean... Maybe because they can't steal. I mean, maybe.

Maybe because they were making all their money from all that. I don't fucking know, but it's just... Listen, man, you're paid to protect the public, and it turns into something else, and I get it. And sometimes life turns into something out. Sometimes you come to me and go, Joy, I'm a good-looking girl. I'm 23. I got a great body.

I got a boyfriend who's a loser. Every time I take my shirt off, guys go crazy. Why shouldn't I go strip? And I'm going to go strip for six months. My friend said I can make $5,000 a week. I don't have to fuck nobody. You go up there, you're stripping. Also, on one day, somebody gives you a taste of Coke.

And you start doing coke. And even though you're doing the classes now, you meet some guy. And all of a sudden, what you thought was you had a lid on, you don't have a lid on. And I'm just using a stripper. I'm not, it could be anybody. It could be a construction worker. It could be anything. You just get caught up in things.

That's why I always tell people to think about what they're doing before they go down there or think because you never know. People fucking get caught up. And to me, I mean, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he was being honest, but it sounded in the documentary like he liked being a cop. He was proud of it. Like when they asked how long were you caught, he knew to like the month. And just stuff like it just seemed like he was. Sometimes life gets out of, sometimes life, he just lose hope. hold on it. I know people listening to this podcast, half years are going one way, half years are going the other way.

But the bottom of the line is sometimes you lose focus or something. You wanted to be in the military, right? You almost signed up for the Marine? Which one? Something? What if you had done that? Then this could have been the same path, kind of. I wanted to please my mom. My mom always said you have to join the military when you got older for a few years and stuff. I didn't know what I was going to do. Like I said, I had no idea. It's not like I grew up going, I'm going to be a fucking fireman or you know I didn't know I didn't fucking know but once I started doing drugs and she was gone I had no family and I had nothing to you know in a way to live for in a way that's why I became what I did and that's why I took the chances I did you know I took the chances I did because I really

had nobody at home nobody to please nobody to make proud nobody to do nothing like that and when you don't have that you know fuck it I used to tell my friends listen I'm gonna rob this with you but I don't want you going it let me do this if I'm I get busted, I know your mom. I don't want your mom mad at me. Shit like that. I was a little bit of guys, you know? Right. And the other guy in the documentary

Kenny, in some way I related to him a lot and how how he just got caught up in it. And it sounded kind of like you. He said the only reason he was a cop was because that test was before the firefighter test. You don't know. You don't know. You grew up in some of those areas. You don't really don't know.

Some kids are blessed. They know exactly what they want to do with. They're 16. They to be a pilot, they already have a path. Others don't know what they want to do to their fucking 30. And that's just the way it fucking happens, you know? I mean, it's the elephant in the room, so I got to talk about it. You know, I was talking about how I never joined nothing. I was never really a part of nothing, Lee.

You know, I was a fucking criminal. And when I moved back to Colorado in 93, and I did that stupid thing in New Jersey, and I made some money, I went with the intention of becoming a comic. I went back to Colorado with two intentions, first to become a dad and then to become a comic. Okay? That was the plan. When you went back after being in New York? In New York.

This is 93, November of 93. I go back to Colorado and I work at it. And I'm trying to be a dad and I'm trying to do the best I can, but I'm getting into arguments with this chick and I'm getting hot with my ex-wife. I'm getting hotter and hotter. And all of a sudden, through all this, who I was was coming. out. I was getting hotter and hotter. And when it comes to that, I don't know the diplomacy side. I don't know anything of that side.

I just know the street side of things. I know the street side of things. And you can't disrespect me and I can't disrespect me. And this can't keep going up. And I got out of the control and whatever. And I got hotter and hotter. And like I said, I was a criminal then. I would rob anything in those days, especially after I got out of prison and after I got

separated, I was very careful. in my steps. I was very careful what I did. Were you not careful before? I was always careful, but I didn't pay attention. I paid attention a lot more. I paid attention to what I was selling, what I was who I was with, the things I was doing. I wanted to keep things under a certain radar, so if I did have to go back to jail, you follow me? And I was, in my heart, I just wanted to get out of whatever I was doing and just be a comedian, But it didn't work that way.

It didn't work that way. You had to work hard. You know, and I would go out at night. And some months, man, I made it. I paid my rent, and I could pay my car payment. I could pay a little child support or whatever. And some months I didn't. And the months I didn't, I sold pills or I sold coke or, you know, I robbed some.

Whatever the fuck I could do late, you know. But then I got into comedy. And like I said, I never belonged to anything. I was lost. And from the minute I got the fucking comedy, people come up to me and say, hey, man, is Mitzi Shaw seeing you yet? When she sees you, you're going to be at the fucking store. And all of a sudden, I get made a regular at the fucking store.

And one thing leads to another. And I got to tell you something, man. I did some fucked up things at the store. Like, I would steal phones, like cell phones. People would do, like, help lost and found, and put them in lost. And I would take three phones and take them with Crenshaw and sell them to this black bank robber I know. He used to hang out with Eddie Griffin at the comedy store, and they were criminals.

They also got arrested for robbing a bank in L.A. I know we don't have time for that story right now, but we're going to put a pin in that. Yeah, which one? The fucking bank robbers, the black bars from Crenshaw. They used to hang out at the store with Eddie Griffin. And I became, they were from St. Louis. In fact, they did a long stretch for bank robbery here in L.A. One of them got shot right here in L.A.

That's why I don't see him. I never saw those guys again. This was 99, 2000. But I had a hard time there in the beginning. Some guys said I was doing it. He was Jewish, and he said I was doing one of his jokes. And I kind of pushed him, and he fell down. I never really had a problem after that.

I had an argument with Don Barris. I had an argument with this kid that broke the microphone one night. I told him, don't touch the microphone because you're going to break the microphone and nobody else is going to be able to go up. What do you think the fucking kid did? He broke the microphone. So me, him, and this other kid went to war for a few months. But it was things that happened with personalities.

It wasn't me trying to be a scumbag to other comedians. Before I got into comedy, I read that book by fucking my favorite Jewish comic, whatever, Lenny Bruce. And there's one book, and he spoke about the camaraderie of comics. And I had always believed in the camaraderie of comics. I wasn't a criminal no more. You know, guys, I'm good at some things, but I'm very naive at the others. You know, there's treachery in the regular business world.

There's treachery at a Fortune 500 company. There's always trumbly trying to stab somebody in the back. But I was so naively, I didn't really believe. that happened in comedy. Until I got to the store. Why? Did you think it was because it's just so positive? Like, why would it be there?

Yeah, it was an art. It was an art. You know, it was just something that I didn't really have to fuck with Lee. You know, I didn't know I had to fuck with Lee to do this. So when I got to the store, people tried to fuck me a little bit, and I bounced boy, and then I just did my spots, and then I got into some beeps, and the word got out that I stuck up for myself. And I really didn't give a fuck.

So people left me to fuck alone, okay? and all of a sudden I'm in there and this kid comes in and he's really cool and we used to talk all the time John Caparillo we talk about this or that and blah blah blah blah blah blah and he was a funny kid and he would go on stage and everybody giggled and I used to giggle with fucking Duncan me and Duncan had him believing but if he wanted spots he had to pay $15 a spot that this is how we did at the comedy store and he was so naive he was just a sweet kid but one day he starts getting success and he starts, Duncan quits after they did the comedy store show on TNT. Remember years ago, TBS did the Pauli Shore and all that?

I heard about it. Duncan quit. Duncan said, fuck you. I'm not being no show. I'm not being no show with Paulie Shaw. So Duncan quit, so they made the phone guy, the fucking talent coordinator, which wasn't a good move on Mitzie, but she'd have time to look around. Plus, the kid took the job for fucking peanuts.

But after about two or three years, the kid's job went to his fucking head. And here's this caparulo kid fucking with Tommy, you know, and they like each other and they're whatever means. And in 2006, I was fucking knee-deep in addiction, dog. I would basically go to the store to buy Blow. I would do my spot and make a U-turn and go to either El Compadre or to the Martel cartel and buy Blow and go home. And I could see that there was something in the air that was different. You know, Joe Rogan was huge. He was coming off Fear Factor.

He would pack the place every week with a fucking MySpace in that day or whatever the fuck was popular in those days. It was MySpace and he packed the place out. And I could tell there wasn't a good feeling towards him. He was doing 40 minutes. Not on my end. I loved it. He would get me and Ari to go up perform and do 15 minutes, you know,

and he would follow us. You know, like he would go, I want to follow these two fucking guys because they make me work, you know? And things started getting heated. And one day I'm sitting on the thing. It's like October of 2006, I'm deep in addiction, guys. I'm about to get surgery on my neck, the fat ball I had on my neck. And I'm sitting out there.

And also, Joe Rogan's on tour with Tom Segura, Charlie Murphy, and the other kid from Michigan. There's a really nice kid, John Heffron. And they're doing a tour. And I'm sitting out there, and Foucault comes up to me, Caparul. And he goes, hey, man, when your buddy comes up, He's trying to be cute. He goes, when your boss or your buddy comes back, he's not going to be able to do 40 minutes. And then Tommy came out.

He said, did you tell him? And they were both giggling. I go, you know what? Both these could go, fuck yourselves. And I knew what time it was. They went away giggling, too. But I knew what time it was. I could see that something was a brewing.

You know, the night with the Pauli Short thing, when TNT came to see him, they didn't make Rogan go up on stage. And then there was an argument between Paulie and this other manager and Joe Rogan. And I turned my back. Because I thought Rogan was going to knock him out. I wanted to, if I had to take a lie detector test, I wanted to pass it. Were you looking? No.

Did you hear the smacks? Fuck, no. But Rogan didn't smack those guys. Rogan is smart and he walked away. And that was the end of the conversation. So I knew it had something to do. It was just fucking people, the way they get. Comics are fucking little cunt sometimes.

So one day I got a call from fucking Tommy, like January, before I do the surgery. And on my neck. And he's telling me how Carlos came in there and bumped John. and that's not right. And I tell him, I said, listen, man, the last I checked Carlos on TV, he gets every right. Well, you're wrong.

You're wrong. Caparulo's funny. I'm going to Cap's a funny guy, but he ain't funny in fucking Carlos, bro. And nobody knows who the fuck he is. So knock it the fuck off with that shit. Well, I wanted you to tell Joe. What they were trying me to do

was to get Joe riled up. Eventually, he got Joe riled up on his own and whatever went down what Carlos happened. I was not daylight in that night. I was recovering from my neck, the surgery. And once I saw that fat ball that came out of my neck.

It was the people talking shit behind my back. I could see that fucking comedy store. So I said, fuck it. I'm not going in there no more with those fucking Espiritos models. I just made up my mind two months before. Like that December, I'm like, I'm not going in there no more. Because I know I'm going to end up knocking somebody to fuck out, number one. You think you would have hit somebody?

Jesus. I was close. So I said, fuck it. And then the Jeff Valdez thing went down. And I went back in there one more time, and that proved it. I went off on him. A fight, the L.A. time. wrote a story about it that I fucking called the guy out for being a creep

another fucking creepy producer Jeff Valdez so I admit that really pushed me over like I hadn't been there nine months if I had any thoughts of being in there they were done that night and I just didn't come back I wasn't banned or none I walked out on my own two feet like a gentleman but the whole time I'm hearing these fucking ramblings about this cunt caparulo I'm hearing these fucking little ramblings how he's telling people they can't go up in front this went on for years you know Rogan was doing that Friday when they threw Joe Rogan out the comments were supposed to do a walkout But Mitchie sure said if somebody walked out they wouldn't get spots no more

So they bailed so right there my camaraderie belief in comedy went out the fucking window right there And I told Joe a thousand times don't even talk to those punk-ass bitches no more But Joe's a nice guy me I see him now I say hello but I know what they're about You can't take these faggots into walkers they're gonna fold So good I hate to say are you worried that something that might happen with what your Oh, sure. But I really don't give a fuck. Because that's the biggest, I learned that lesson early.

Yeah, I really don't give a fuck. People will go, like, rile you up, and then when it's time to call. They all walk away. If you listen to the Carlos Mencier tape, they're in the back jumping, yelling, screaming. Once it was time to bail up, nobody did fucking dick. But anyway, that's a complete different story. This is going on over the years. I'm hearing this shit.

I'm hearing that he's saying, I'm not funny. That Tommy's saying I'm not funny. That Mitch, I was Mitzie's favorite. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I didn't say, and then one day I stopped doing blow. And I started thinking about it. So like in 2013 or something, I was doing an interview, and I said it. I said, Caparulo's a fucking cunt and his buddy Tommy.

I wasn't going back up. I didn't give a fuck. And what are they going to do? Come get me at my house? Is that what you think they're going to fucking do? They don't have the ball. Anybody who goes to a talent coordinator and tells them that you can't put somebody on before me or after me. Then he started complaining about Bobby Lee going on after him.

You know why? Because he was too funny. He wanted to be the star of the whole fucking night. He wanted people to leave at 11 and go, wow, that Caparulo is something else. So he wouldn't let Bobby Lee go up. Then he started on fucking build Cristolia. And then, you know, when Adam came back, the talent coordinator from the store came back, he had a call a bunch of other comedians to say, come back.

Hannibal Berris, Al Madrigo. He called a bunch of comedians. Yeah, some of them had problems with Tommy. But some of them had problems because Caparillo didn't like him there. Cabarulo felt threatened by them. He's that much of a fucking pussy. He felt threatened by that. And that's not what a comic does.

A comic doesn't take money out of somebody else's pocket. Okay, I'm very hurt in two things that happened in my career. Once, I didn't book the Sopranos because Steve Sheripper went and talked about me to the producers. I didn't like that. I didn't get the job. He took money out of my fucking pocket. Somewhere along the line, you have to pay for that. That's karma when you take money out of something.

these buckets. Just like stealing. You're stealing. It's the same fucking principle. I never give a bad review to anybody. Like an Uber driver? I feel bad. I know. And I've heard of people being like, I don't want to follow somebody. He's too funny. I've never heard of someone saying, I don't want

someone to follow me there. That's crazy. That's what he was doing. Listen, when somebody says they don't want you following me, that means you want to be the funniest guy around. You don't want to be fucking threatened. So people left. People like, you know what? Like a lot of people went down there and Caparulo probably like,

I don't want him down here. And sure enough, Tommy believed him. And trust me, I've heard those stories too. Are people going down there and being funny after him and never get in a spot ever again, like till late night? You know, just a thousand shitty thing. And Tommy did a thousand shitty thing. Not only that, but he robbed the fucking joint.

He got caught with his hand in the cookie jaw behind the register. Here's a kid with a trust fund that was robbing. You understand me? So listen, both of them suck dick. Both of them are two dick-sucking motherfuckers. So Rogan goes on this, I go on Rogan's podcast Christmas Eve, and I say the truth. Rogan's up there being a nice guy saying, oh, well, the fucking guy, you know, the comedy store, the computers, why cool people go down there?

No, cool people go down there because Tommy and that cucked caparulo don't go down there no more. So a couple weeks ago, what's the fat dude from fucking the Goldbergs? Oh, Jeff Garland. Jeff Garland goes down and bumps Caparula. That's why he didn't see him for a long time. That's why he hadn't been down there because he was pissed about that. He was pissed about me and Joe being back down there. He was pissed about the lineups, bro.

He was pissed about the heart of the lineups. This is a comic that's just at home. And that's all he's fucking doing. And haven't the lineups been great? The lineups are sensational. And he's not on him. He's not on him because he ain't around. This fucking smoke, there's fucking fire guys.

I'm not making this fucking shit up. This is not slander. is a human being telling you what the fuck happened. Ari went up to him the I and I was like, this is what you did. He's still not coming to it. Do you understand what claiming responsibility is? If he would have just claimed responsibility, this would have been

over. I don't even give a fuck if that little miserable faggot cunt gets hit by a fucking car. I don't give a fuck. It don't matter to me. All I wanted him to do is to know what he did. Well, he starts up with me on Twitter the other day. And I said some shit. I went overboard, but I had to give it to him.

Listen, Art of War, son. Zoo. If the fucking guy you're going up against is about fucked up tolerance, agitate this motherfucker to no end. What agitates a motherfucker more? Roberto Durant. You know how he won the fight against Sugar Ray Leonard the first time? He walked up to him in

Montreal. He said, I'm going to fuck your wife up the fucking ass. It got into fucking Sugar Ray's head so much and he lost the first fight. Put it on. Put it on. It's a true story about, not, don't put it on here. Put it on when you get home. True story in Montreal. First time Roberto Durant fought fucking Sugar Ray Leonard.

Sugar Ray, nice guy of the year Walking down the street with his family And he sees Roberto He goes, let me introduce Roberto to my wife Roberto shakes his hand and goes I'm gonna fuck your wife up the ass It threw him off for two weeks It lost the fucking fight

Lost the fight Lost the fucking fight Because you lose the fight in your head first This isn't a fight I gained nothing by smacking this fucking punk He's a punk I wouldn't dirty my hands I never intended to

I just wanted him to want to fucking apologize. And if you're not going to apologize, then don't come to the comedy store no more. Don't come to the comedy store because now I aroused this. People know this. You know how many people fucking call me? And not animals. Nice white people call me. You know what I mean he opened mics hit me up and said thank you that that guy's a cunt. He's a cunt to us when he walks in the building. That dude's a cunt to everybody. So when Ari's talking to him yesterday, he's still not claiming responsibility. He don't do nothing, this kid. He don't do nothing. Why have him around?

So I had to say what I had to say. I wasn't lying. If you watched the Twitter feed, he never accused me a liar. He didn't, nothing. He called me names. I'm grandpa, that I'm old, that I wasn't funny, that I was hanging on his jock when he got a deal. What deal? That was his fucking heyday.

That was all he's ever done. Bitch, I've done fucking movies with savages. You know, for all the shit he did, nobody follows him on Twitter. He said I was irrelevant and not funny. This kid's a fucking punk. This kid's a fucking punk. and he'll always fucking be a punk. A comic, and then he started putting at the comedy store as a comedy,

what is that? An artist comedy. Well, then you should have acted like one. You should have acted like one. You never did. You think people are coming after you now and saying these things to you because they feel bad for you? I'm not bullying this kid. I got no reason about it.

I don't give a fuck if this fucking maggot falls off a fucking bridge tonight and gets hit by a truck. And then the fucking lions eat them to death. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck, you know, I don't give a fuck. But the point is how he didn't claim responsibility. Everything was everybody else's. And now some of the comics have been happy from what I did, but none of them besides Ari, I go up to him and go, hey, dog, you fucked up.

Well, you know what's sad? This might be, it might be bullying in today's culture. Like, in your world, it's just telling the truth, but now you can't even say the truth. Listen. I'm not saying you're wrong. No, no, no, no. I know.

And I know some people will. upset by my comments. I don't really give a fuck if they were upset. I really don't. I really don't. I'm too old to get worried about what fucking people think anymore. And if you're young, don't fuck. Who gives a fuck? You did it? It's done. This is how I feel in my heart. I'm not saying I'm going to smack

the guy. I don't, the dog. I got a beautiful wife and a beautiful family. I have a great time with you guys and have a great support group with you guys. I just wanted people to know, you know what, man, aren't you sick and tired of getting conned? You like Bill Cosby? Remember how you like Bill Cosby? Remember how you like Jared? He was sweet.

You know, I'm sick and tired of you fucking people. Somebody didn't raise you right there. You can't judge character right off the bat. Maybe I am a fucked up guy, but I'll tell you what. Call me with a problem, and I'm the first fucking guy there. We live in a different time. You don't see me with... I went to the park there with my daughter.

I've seen a father in 50-degree weather, 60-degree weather, with a scarf and a cashmere sweater and flip-flops on, and a hat like Sinatra. These people have no fucking soul. You know, everybody talks about ISIS. This is killing our country. You know who's killing our country? These fucking Gentiles and their home base is right here in LA.

See, the home base of these little fucking politically correct fucking fake, because that's all you are. When you're telling me you're politically correct, you're telling me you're fake. Because if you're a woman, if you've ever had a fucking black dick in your hand or a fucking dick in your hand, or if you're a man and you ever had a woman bent over

and you're eating her asshole, you cannot be politically correct. You cannot lie. They do all the time. These people you see at these, When my wife and daughter go to church, that big white church where everybody goes, ha ha ha, ha. I bet half those fucking people. Fuck their grandkids.

They do a bunch of shitty shit. But they go to church and they're politically correct and they like Saturday Night Live. And did you hear the joke? The black chubby kid said, fuck you. That show hasn't been funny in fucking 30 years. If somebody comes up to you and says their wife, Saturday Night Live, that's the first judge of character. I don't want to be around this fucking guy. You know, what did John Lennon say?

if you say the truth you're only going to have two friends or something like that I'd rather just have two friends anymore I'd rather have two people listen to this fucking podcast than these people that wear hats and everything is free you know it's like what you said you've seen on New Year's Eve people who would just dare to go see Bill Bird

and he was having a heart he was like kind of getting mad at the audience because I went to the early show which I normally don't go to because sometimes the crowd's a little tighter but I wanted to get home and it was just the people in in the crowd we're all wearing like crazy.

Like it was it was like hipster central. Like downtown is all hipster. It's turned into what this season of South Park is. So like they make fun of like Whole Foods going in. In the middle of downtown there's a brand new Whole Foods. It was just the people that I saw down there were just crazy. And then I had the best just to go off a little bit. You see all these people going out and partying.

I had the best time of New Year's. I was home at 10. and I was on the couch by like 1030 eating burgers that we made. It's so much better than what I used to feel. Remember when we started this podcast? And I used to say I used to feel like I missed out on, I didn't miss out on shit.

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Yeah. I told you that. Bro, when I was a kid, I stopped going out at night. And people were like, oh, my God.

And I'm like, I'm not missing nothing. It's, and it's a sacrifice, but once you realize nothing happened. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. And I did make a mistake. I didn't want to take an edible, but I wanted to get high.

So I was smoking a joint and two cops rolled by, so I just threw the joint, and I was like, fuck. So I was wondering what you would do. Like, if you were smoking out, how do you smoke outside like that? Keep your eyes open. The cops should never been on you. And what if a cop comes by? You'll never do, because I'm facing everything. And if you see a cop, it gives you time to put the joint down and stand there with an e-cigarette in your hands.

But do you throw the drone away? No, you put it next to your foot and step on the fucking red spot And just step away five feet from it Or two feet and just keep opening your feet and make believe you're on the phone I got paranoid I just tossed it and we just ran away No, no, no. First of all, he should, how far from you was? He was in the car, there's no way he even saw it.

Oh, oh, you're such a fucking amateur. He's no way in the car. Bro, I didn't want to get arrested on New Year's Eve. You keep it low. We're not going to arrest you for a joint. You're a nice kid. Really? Okay.

Yeah. You got a license, don't you? Yeah. Then why are they going to arrest you? Can you smoke on the street? I'll smoke wherever the fuck. I smoked on the street before the fucking license. What do I give a fuck?

I'm so scared. You got to be prepared. You got to sit there and look around. You got to have another cigarette in your hand just in case or an e-cigarette. Go buy an e-cigarette and just have it in your hand and you hang out and beep at people. And if you see the cop, you don't do this. You don't do nothing. It just opens. Just release.

Your arm stays the same. You don't even move. You just go, And your heel goes over You take care of the cherry And you put your foot that if that And you're standing What are you doing here?

I'm on the phone with my sister Keep fucking going, cock-sucker And they'll drive away That's how scared I am of the cops Oh my God Don't be fucking scared You pay taxes You're a nice fucking kid

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From Food to Wine to Supplements, I'm always here for you guys. I want to thank Mike Dodd again. I'll let you guys know. We're doing it. It's going to be like a three-day, 7-5 podcast. We're just going to break this fucking thing down. See what the guy felt. Whatever.

If you don't like it, don't fucking want it. watch. You know, I love you, cocksuckers always. We'll be back Wednesday or Thursday. I don't fucking know. We'll be back.

We're moving to offices, but we're going to continue on with the podcast, so don't worry about none. I love you, motherfuckers with all my heart. Lisa Ayat, take it away, cock suckers.

Don't forget Charlotte, January 28th, St. Louis Helium Comedy Club, February 4th through the 7th. Vegas, February 19th, for my birthday for some of you motherfuckers that don't know.

Happy pre-birth. Don't bother me, will you? The show is brought to you by Blue Apron. Blue Apron sends gourmet recipes and all the fresh ingredients and need to make them right to your door. Our listeners get their first two meals for free when you go to Blue Apron.com slash Joey. Show is also brought to you by ClubW.

Clubbw is the wine club that changed everything. And right now they're offering our listeners 50% off of your first order when you go to ClubW.com slash Joey. And go to Onit.com. Use Coord Church to get 10% off all the great optimization. Thanks.