The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #357 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: February 18, 2016

 Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Headspace: Go to headspace.com/joey to start your free trial today Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   Naturebox.com - Go to Naturebox.com/joey for 50% off of your first box.   Recorded live on 02/17/2016.
  

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Go to honor.com and use code word church to get 10% off all the great optimization products like Alphabrain and Numeru. What the fuck, Lisa, yeah? What's up, buddy? How you doing, my man? Wednesday night, February 17th. Happy birthday to my little brother, Ralphie May. I don't know how old he is today.

A lot of fucking birthdays in February. My friend John Budd yesterday, you know, it never ends in fucking February. Friday is my birthday My dad's birthday is the day before? Your dad's birthday was today or yesterday? That's the 18th. The 18th. I fucking wished him a happy birthday today.

Fuck it. I was a day early in a dollar short. What are you going to do? But at least I wish them a happy birthday. Oh, he'll love it. And we're headed to Las Vegas. I'm so excited. I'm shooting over.

Tomorrow, you're shooting over Friday morning. I'm doing MMA junkie as usual. Get a couple of shrimp cocktails with my man Lisa. Yeah. Lisa, yeah, you don't eat the oysters. Nah, I should try them again, I guess. What I was going to choke on last time? The shrimp cocktail.

You choked on a shrimp cocktail? Remember the shrimp at the fucking table with salami? Oh, fuck. When I choked on the fucking the shell. Oh, yeah. I don't like that. Fucking take the shells off. Well, I did take the shell off.

No, no, no, I'm not thinking you. No, it was my fault. No, I'm saying I don't want the restaurant to do it. Really? Shells. Except for maybe the one little one at the bottom. That would it was. I bit into the bottom.

You know me, I'm a gorilla. I almost bit my finger. I was high as fuck. And I took some of the shell, and I started choking on the shell. I tried to move the shell around with my throat. But I couldn't do it. It was like a fucking piranha that snake in me. You know, I was in a car today.

I was getting home from somewhere, and the phone rang, and it was a friend of mine, James, to ask me a question. It was funny. He started talking about my daughter. And on paper, James is mercy's goddad. You met. And you met him. And I was really fortunate when it was time for me to pick a God dead.

I had a couple options, you know. I could have picked Timmy. I could have picked George. I could have picked you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I just knew James a long time. James had a daughter. And in my world, does something happen? James automatically takes mercy.

You know, that's in my world. That's in a perfect fucking world. When do you think about like godparents? Because when she first comes out, you must be so happy, happy, happy, happy. Godparents is kind of a sad thing. You know when the baby's fucking born. You know, when you knock somebody up, you know, if you're a guy like me, you'll think about godparents. Okay, because my godparents are everything.

So, James calls, and James sent stuff for her birthday, and James sent stuff throughout the year. And that's all great. You know, I mean, I'm really happy. that he calls and sometimes I go say hello to James and she goes hi James and she'll go hi Padreino or she'll walk away and that's the end of the conversation I'm beside that she really doesn't know what it all means you know but mercy is now three my daughter is three and by this time in my life my dad was gone so my mom at an early age well she I mean they baptized me when I was like you know whatever it is

four months old in Cuba. Is that early? No, that's about the time we baptized mercy, six months old, whatever the fuck it was. They baptized me in Cuba, and then they all migrated together. They were all Americans already. They had been in the States already, and when I was born, they came to Cuba for vacation. I had a godmother. But somewhere over the years, my godfather and my godmother broke up.

And it was one of those dirty divorces with no kids, but my godfather got me. it was the weirdest thing. And since he lived in New York and my godmother lived in Miami, I really didn't have that much contact with my godmother. What had happened was my mother was so loyal to Gabby. That was my godfather's name, Gabby, Gabby, Lund. She was so loyal to him that, you know,

when there's a divorce, you have to pick a side. A lot of people don't know that. So they took the, God and parents in the divorce? That's cool. So you have to get a new godmother? No, no, no, no, no. When they got divorced, my mom was tired. My mom and dad had grown up with Gabby. Right. So they hung out with Gabby.

So they kind of steered away from my godmother. Okay. You follow me? So that was that. I didn't really have a godmother after that. But in the summers, when I would go to Miami, I would see my godmother. She'd sneak over and give me money and give me jewelry and hang out with me. She was fucking beautiful. I forget what her name was like, Samantha or something. She was a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Cuban woman.

And my mom said her and I were really tight. Like it was a heartbreaking thing for everybody involved, but my mom had to make a choice. Your parents got divorced. I'm sure that your dad's friends went with your dad and your mom's friends went your moms. That's what happens during a divorce. Of course.

Same thing happened with this. So I was tighter with my godfather. because he lived in New York City. So the privilege that I had was that he would pick me up on Saturday mornings. And we'd do creepy things. Like we'd go get a haircut. And then he'd stop it, like some weird guy's house. And then we'd fucking go get a hot dog.

And then we'd talk about cars or something. And he'd buy me like a Hot Wheels. And then we'd go to a movie theater and we'd watch like a James Bond movie or like the love bug. or some fucking, not Disney, but the other one's Snoopy. You know, he took me through a few animated films, you know. And he was just a cool dude. And he'd bring me back at six, and he'd take me to eat Chinese food. And then as I got older, he would smoke in front of me.

Ween? Yeah, he would smoke weed in front of me. And I would see a man that was the first person I ever saw giggle. Like he would just constantly giggle, like when he got high. we would go to like he would roll it on like a street corner and we'd smoke he'd smoke it on the street and he would tell me not to tell my mother but i already knew about that shit because my mother smoked something that was similar to that you follow me so i kind of put two and two together that's how i knew my mother was smoking pot but my mother's reaction to reefer my mother smoked reefer to go to bed

gabby smoked reefer for the same reasons i smoked reefer today to giggle to have a great time to just add color to life and then him and I would go to the movies you know what I'm saying so by the time I got to be like seven or eight he took me to see a fucking uh Clint Eastwood movie he took me to see one of those dirty Harry movies right okay and maybe I was a little old maybe I was 10 who the fuck knows I was a fucking kid you know and after the movie he's telling me about his gun he's telling me all about Clint Eastwood's gun dirty Harry's got a three figure or 44 men whatever the fuck gun he had in the movie. And then we're sitting there and we go to eat something.

And right away he takes the gun out from under the table. Mm-hmm. And I see him doing something and I look under the table and he hands me the gun. And here I am a kid in some fucking restaurant, New York City, holding a gun in a restaurant. This is how cool he was. Whoa. I wasn't allowed to tell him. My heart just stopped and I'm 27.

I wasn't allowed to tell my mother, none of this shit. He would say, don't say, don't say don't tell you, because she'll kill me. And then I won't be able to see you on Saturdays. I couldn't imagine my life on Saturdays without Gabby. On Saturdays at my house, it was a weird day because by Saturday my mother was dead tired. So Saturday mornings, it was already established that this lady came over, a lady whose name was Sophia. In fact, her name was Sophia Cecilia.

That was the lady who my mother took her name and used it as an alias. and then paid her money all those years. She was Goying's mother, this lady who my mom and her. What's Goying? Goying was a Puerto Rican woman. That's not a person's name. Go Ying. That was a name.

That was a slang name. Goying was a Puerto Rican woman who her and my mom had like a little bank and like the 60s, a bookmaking bank, two broads. And they took, they took. numbers and they knew how to take numbers and there were people knew who the fuck these two women were and then goying kept the bank close to her house in brooklyn and my mom kept her bank in the Bronx and then it moved to manhattan over the years so that's uh that's a true story so on saturday it was well known that at eight in the morning the key would turn and it was fucking sophia

and i'd be sitting in front of the television i'd be a young kid maybe three or four and And Sophia would walk in and give me cereal with milk. And then she talked to me in Spanish for a little while for like an hour or two. And while she was doing that, she was doing laundry and ironing clothes and folding clothes and cleaning the house. My mom would be passed the fuck out. And then about 11, I would hear, I would about 10. I already knew to jump in the shower on my own. I would jump in there.

And I was a young boy. I would jump in the shower and get calmed up. And I put a chain on and a ring and nice shoes. and about 11 o'clock it never failed, my godfather would come and get me. And if it was the wintertime, we put a fucking hood of sweatshirt on or a jacket. If it was the summertime, we just went out.

And we would just do weird things. It was like, the only man I really had in my life. One time, he took me down to Riverside Drive there, like by 89th, 90th Street. There's like a tomb there, Washington's whatever, or Lincoln's something. There's some statue there. And I'll never forget.

that a dude was walking his dogs and he had the one leash the dogs off the leash and the one dog came over and just snip me and how fucking gabby line went off on the fucking guy and i always thought he was on a superhero too because he was it because until then i didn't know i didn't even know what he was i didn't know whether he was a stone i didn't know none of those terms i knew during the week he had a job that's why i saw him on saturdays do you follow me like during the week i'd never see him he had like some type of job. So I just see him on Saturdays. Were you always really excited to see him?

Fuck yeah. I had two male uncles who were or cousins who were older and whenever they came over it was just like superheroes almost. Was it like that or like I because you didn't have a, you didn't

have a father so I can imagine it would be even more. Yeah, I loved him. I fucking loved him. You know when he would take me on those journeys around Manhattan and shit. And he never drank in front of me. He just smoked pot in front of me. Like, I never saw him really drank until I got older.

Like, he always just smoked like a skinny joint in front of me. He rolled his joints really skinny. And he would go, he'd make like a noise. You know? And he'd hold it in for a long time and he'd go, Hos Antonio. He always called me Hos Antonio, right? And I don't know.

It was the fucking with his relationship. Like, I think back. to I was always with him in New York. Even after Juan married my mother, every Saturday, like clockwork, and if I was a bad boy, my punishment was not to see Gabby. Was it the worst thing that you wanted to do?

Yeah, that was like taking my privileges from seeing my godfather were fucking brutal. Brutal. And then I got older and I would still see him. And then we moved to Jersey. And I didn't see him for a while, and he'd call me. I always talked to him, and he always, like, mailed me letters with pictures and shit. And I couldn't figure out.

And then years later, I found out he was doing time. Like, he was doing time for a little shit in Miami. He would go to Miami in the summers and then come to New York in the fucking winters. And, you know, and this is where I'm going with this. I wish Mercy had a godparent that I could just go. take her on Saturdays or take her on Sundays. Have a good day. Bye.

And, you know, they go get ice cream. She goes gets her nails done. They go to the fucking movies. They go buy dresses. Whatever the fuck they go do. I would love to have that. Like, I think that mercy would like it too. You know what I'm saying?

That's what it is to have a godparent. That's why the commitment is so heavy. I was fortunate because my, Godfather did not have children. Do you follow me? So he had a lot of love to give? He had a lot of love for me, and he didn't have his hands filled with another child. Do you want mercy to have a godmother or godfather?

I like for one of them to be. Well, James is active. James talks to her. You know, when we went to New York, James came to see her once, and then we all went out to eat. You know, James, these people I grew, listen, now there's two types of culture of people. There's the people in California that I have around me now, and there's the people that I grew up with. You know, when I went home, just the people I came to see her and came and chatted with her and said, you know, I know you're dead or whatever the fuck, you know, it makes me feel good, you know, that I have somebody if something happens to me, you know, like it's just, and the people that I grew up around, their culture calls for a God-Panagan.

Like James, for example, he's tight with his godmother. I don't know if he's tight with his godfather, but he's tight with his godmother. His godmother and his mother were sisters. They were together when James' mother died. Jesus. So, do you understand me? I wonder why's not that big for Jews. Maybe it is or something, but it hasn't been for my family.

Well, okay. Now, let's say you're Jewish. let's say whatever the fuck you are just because you're not Catholic doesn't mean that your parents don't have Godparents Oh I have a godparent

But we didn't have like a ongoing He's just and also an uncle He's an uncle who is my godparent No I always dream to be somebody's godparent But if I was their godparent I'd be their godparent on one condition That I'd be involved

Calls A bank account with me putting money in there for their savings for their college. That's a godparent. Yeah. Every week I show up, you know, when the kid's fucking 12, the parents look at me and go, take them to get his dick sucked.

You know what I'm saying? Like, I got to take them to some alley and get his dick sucked. Like, you know, like, they expect the godfather to do shit like that. Like, you know, if I'm your kid's godchild. Right. When you're 13, you're going to come to me to pull me aside and go, listen, the fucking mom, Paula, she protects his kid, take him down.

in North Hollywood Park and get them into a beat way. It's easier if I'm not there. Just call me, make sure you don't get stints. What you're putting it out there already? What's that? What you're putting it out there already? I'm just saying. I'm just saying that that's what a god parent,

a cool godparent does. You pull me aside and go listen. Take him. You got to get a beating. Talk to your goddaughter before I knocked the fuck out of her. She's dating some fucking black dude. And I can't have that in my house. My mother will disown me.

I'm out of the will. you know what I'm saying like something I'm not meaning a black I mean anything anything could be a fucking Arabian dude it was fucking better than you Lisa yeah anyway I'm just fucking saying that that's what you also do like when I got in trouble as a child my godparent would have to come over and give me a fucking lecture so it wasn't bad enough I had to get a beating from my mom and he had beaten from my stepdad

now in an hour Gabby was on his way he had asked me if I was fucking retarded Like, what are you stupid Throwing, you know, like shit like that? Which one was the worst? Which one did you hate the most? I mean, it doesn't have to be... Gabby put... Gabby was the one

that is one of the reasons I'm the way I am with people because Gabby was a type of guy that he would show up day two of the punish. And usually the punishments were fucking 24 hours of writing. Like, I will not lie to my mother.

I will not take my mother's pencils. I will not, and I would have to write him in Spanish and English, you know, like lines, shit like that. And he would come like day three, and he would go to my parents, you know, my mom and daddy go, can I talk to him for a second in the bedroom? And they'd have to do the whole acting game and go, yeah, but he better know that whatever time he spends in there, he's going to have to stay past his bedtime to fucking write, you know, shit like that. And I would go in there and he would sit me down and ask me what the fuck was up with me. Why did I do what I do?

Your mother told you not to take the fucking pencils. When I was a kid, I took every pencil at that fucking bar. The red ones, I loved red pencils. So I took every red pencil. I took every pencil. And she would ask me, did you take the pencils? Because I keep thinking it's one of the pages. I was taking the pencil.

And I could say, no. One day she found like 300 pencils. And she went apes. I asked you a thousand times if he took the fucking pencil. pencils. She goes, I need these pencils. These are specific fucking pencils. So I got in trouble for the pencils. Did you just like lying or like, why would you do that? No, no, no, no, no, no. She was mad at me about the pencils. Well, yeah, like, why didn't you like this. When you fucking seven, who the fuck knows why you do what you do? What do what?

Who the fuck knows? One time I took one of those 45, you know those albums? Yeah. And I would take the bad ones and I'd throw them out my window. And they go, zzz. And one day I actually clock somebody in the fucking head. Of course you did. And the cops knocked on every door, and my mom knew I did it. Because she had seen me fucking do it. You know, she saw me do it. My window was perpendicular to a driveway where all the kids played stickball.

Me too. I'd played out there. It was in Jersey or New York? It was New York City. In 205 West Adiation. Not anymore. Yes, there is. There's a parking in there now.

But when I was a kid, that wasn't a parking. That was just an empty driveway. of a building and that was just broken. Like there was bricks out there and one time behind, behind, there's another building back there. Yeah?

The stairs, a little fire back there one time. Was it at least a good shot when you hit the guy in the head with the record? Do they like you really get him good? Oh my God. At that time,

I was the best at throwing shit out windows and there's people in heads. Wait, I just imagine you hit him like, straight across the middle of the face. One time I was in Puerto Rico on vacation.

It had to be maybe eight or nine. And I threw a fucking ice cube off the balcony, like the fifth floor or something, right? And also, they knocked on all the whole Thai rooms, and they knew it was us. And the fucking cops came and shit. They had to take the dude to the hospital. You hit him?

Yeah, me and Tony Crespo. That was the kid's name, Tony Crespo, Puerto Rican kid. His mom was dating a big black dude named Anthony. Like six for six, four hundred pounds. I don't forget this shit, though. Anyway, back to my God. What do you got to fucking throw me off for a concept?

Who knows? So you did have a God fault? Yeah. Now that this guy has to do something different than a Jewish religion. I don't think so. He doesn't have to stand somewhere and take a class on how to be a godfather

and none of that shit. Not that I know of, but I could just not know. That's a possibility. But, I mean, he's a good uncle. Like, he's him and my dad are really good best friends. Still? Yeah, pretty close, yeah. Now, who's the uncle that lives here? You said you have a cousin in Sherman Oaks,

that he works in the film industry. Oh, that's my cousin on my mom's side. And he came out here. I didn't know in the Jewish faith. You had somebody who stood in with you. I don't even know from the Christian faith. I know in the Catholic faith, people have baptisms.

That's great. That's one of the sacraments, okay? But do people live the life of it? No, not the way, you know, I come from a fucked up kind of childhood and upbringing, but that was something that they stuck to the tea. You know, he stuck to the tea. And I can't, like I said, he lived in Miami for a while during the late 70s, and he would call.

He would always call. Go get to Antonio, come to town, Guantan, Motton, L'Alo-Alo-A-you-da-you-da-asked me about my grades. and he was always trying to push this military academy on me. He was always pushing this Loyola. From what age? He started pushing an army on the age of 10. When I was going to Catholic school, he was already talking to me about it. I think that's a good idea if you go through the school,

and then from there you're going to the service, and then you come out, you come out in an office, and you go back into the service, and you do 20 years, and you come out on an attorney. That was his dream for me. All right, that's what you would always talk to me about. So you don't understand. You want,

you're in Loyola, you're up for the Hesito, Sale, go to the college, Sale, you're going to be to the army, and he would always push that issue.

I don't know-wow, you're a lawyer. He would always talk to me about that shit, Lee. And I would ask him, why a lawyer? And he goes, because they're fucking the best thieves in the world.

They fucking, you tell me, you know what I pay my fucking lawyer? And he kept pushing it on me. And then something happened. I don't know what the fuck happened when I was about 13. Not that him and I got into a beef or something. Something happened. He got pissed off at me about something. Like he found out I was smoking weed or he, he saw boo, something.

And he just didn't like it. You know, and he didn't talk to me for a while. And my mom said that. My mom came to me when they. She goes, he's just pissed at you about something. I don't know. That's between you and him. He wouldn't tell me.

That's the type of duty was. He wouldn't complain to my mom. He was fucking solid, man, like that. Like if he was mad at me, he was mad at me. When he dropped me all Saturday, he would give me a hug and tell me he loved me. And he wouldn't say nothing to my mom, whatever beef we had or if I misbehave.

He was straight up, man. This is where I get, you know, like sometimes I say, something you don't know where I'm coming from I say it to you because that's how he used to talk to me sometimes like I think a lot about him like he would like everything else in his world was bullshit listen to me I don't give a fuck what you tell them I know you're telling me this is what I was gonna be and he'd tell me that I go you're right man I mean it's not always like the sweetest most nicest comfortable work environment but it's it's better man it's better than

then getting memos and at least you tell me what you want. That's, it's, I can work with that. There's so many people who don't know what they want to do. There's so many people who are fucking geniuses. That's the problem. Especially in this part of the country,

especially in this fucking city, where they're geniuses. And they really don't have a grip on it. So they make you do, as you and I have discussed, I'm not a big smoking mirrors type of motherfucker. You and I have discussed this a thousand times. Well, if you think a lot about all,

a lot of people are starting one of these things up, it's always, they try to dazzle you. I was always very against that. I'm always, I go right back to the song remains the same. Led Zepp on the concert film. There was no, you know, fucking stages. There was no outfit changes. There was no background singers.

It was four dirty white dudes. That's all I've ever wanted to be. is a dirty fucking white dude. That's it. Plain and fucking simple. So there's not going to be neon over anything I do. I'm not saying that you like smoking mirrors. I'm saying that this is what saves you time and energy.

Well, I'm not into smoking mirrors. You're not, but the problem with people here, and I'm one of those people, I just realized, is everyone here has titles that don't mean anything? No, they don't mean dick. But it's not even that it's not important, but it's like producer. Producers means...

Let me tell you some to you. thousand different things. Oh my God, Lee, I might get on my hands and knees and lick your fucking juice sack. Because I got to tell you something. On the drive home yesterday, did I not call you when I got in the car on the way home from marriage? Yeah. And I came with a conclusion, and you're not going to believe this.

You're going to smack me in the mouth and tell you I'm lying to. I came to a conclusion that there's not a day that I don't go buy that on me to produce her. Yeah. And they always throw in last. So do you understand me, people? It's like, let's say, let's say, it's. It's always like, so what do you do?

Oh, I own my own business. I'm an engineer and I'm a plumber. What are you doing, Lee? What are you doing, playing the organ over there? So is it like, do you feel it's like that? Like people say to you, instead of saying, like, oh, what do you do? I'm an actor. Right.

Comic producer. No, yeah. In the 20 fucking six years that I've been hanging out with these fucking Googles, I have never called myself a fucking producer. I think that is the weirdest word. You are, not me. I don't know nothing about fucking production. I know nothing.

First of all, you are a producer, but second of all, you were talking about the shows that actors now have to get producer credits to make money. Right. So now all these people are doing independent, projects. So they just put it's when I was a college film student, I put

produced by Lisa. I didn't do, I just, I put all those stuff I saw in the movies. I saw, okay, I wrote it, I directed it, I edited it. I produced, I didn't produce nothing. I just did the project. So I think people just use that word for an actress producer.

Yeah, no. So anyway, back to me. So but you you have a job, comedian. Right. I'm a comedian. I don't know about producing. I don't know what the fuck people are talking about. And there's not, that's the reality show. Because you follow me with a secret camera. And how long will it take for somebody to tell me they're a producer?

So people have to bed at home. Like, how long will this chick with the sunglasses and the tattoo of a pigeon on her arm? Tell Joey, she's up for, 30 seconds or less? You get $500. And I have to go up to the broad, start talking to her. and there's somewhere along the line she's like, bang, you know, I'm a producer. And all of a sudden, fucking bells go off.

And she's like, what's going on? What's going on? Like it would be a funny game show? Like Hollywood buzzwords? Oh my God. And I guarantee once a day, for a hundred hours a day, somebody will tell me they're a fucking producer.

Every time I go to the comedy store, somebody introduces themselves, and they always drop producer at the end. And I always giggle. And they giggle, and I giggle just a little bit. Who introduces themselves with their own job title. Everybody in L.A.

Hi, my name is da-da-da-da-da-ta. I saw you two weeks ago at the whatever. I enjoyed it. I'm a writer and a producer and a director. They'll tell you three or four titles. I don't even have it. I don't even know what the fuck I am. I'm just a MOOC.

I'm just a MOOC, the MOOC that hangs out with another fucking Jew move. Is that your title and your corporation? Head MOOC. Head MOOC. and you're the fucking partner that had MOOC to MOOC. The Assistant to the movie. Fucking amazing.

Everybody's a fucking producer. It just destroys my insides. I don't even know where it's the start. So, like I was telling you before, fucko, as I got to be a little older, something happened. He got mad at me. But then, like about four or five months

before my mom passed, he popped up. and him and I straightened it out and we were tied again we went to see a movie together in the city we used to always go get a steak at this place he used to take me to get a nice steak with mashed potatoes you'd like this place

they used to put gravy on the steak I fucking hate gravy this place was perfect I forget where it was or what the name it was then my mother died and then he went to the funeral he was around for all that he was around for Thanksgiving like I met him like the day before

and then he was around for Christmas and he told me he was going to Miami and we spoke on the phone a few times and then something happened you know like I said out of sight of mind like I just didn't see him just out of the blue to stop seeing him

just stop fucking saying him I lost contact with him phone numbers whenever he called me I wasn't home and just something happened over the fucking years I lost contact with him I asked around and people said he was in Miami or something excuse me I guarantee he was doing time or something

and he was just embarrassed to tell me and I guess at the prison he was at when you call you have to call collect Oh So I didn't really Sorry about the bottle Were you upset or did Were you just do older care

And only At that point When I didn't see him It wasn't that I was upset It was that I didn't really have family At this point I had Zerrida

And I love Zerrida You know, she was a fucking champion But You know, I was at war with one You know, I was at war with my stepdad Over the money And over the house No insurance, blah, blah, blah, blah

blah, blah, blah, and this goes on and on. And I fucking, I just needed him in a way. I don't know what it was. I was fucked up on drugs. You know, I was living with the runnies. I robbed that jewelry store. I left. I came back.

You know, then I went to Colorado, and I come back from Colorado. And when I went back to New York in 83, somebody had mentioned to me, Hey man, you know who's looking for you? You're Coco, right? Jose Antonio, yeah. Your godfather's back in town.

And they said he lives somewhere in North Bergen. He just put the word out. Yeah, I live in North Bergen. I'm like, hold it. A friend of his, that I knew was a friend of his, came up to meet a restaurant. He's like, he's been looking for you. He's back out here, and he's looking for you.

He lives in North Bergen, blah, blah, blah. You know, man, I don't know. I must have made calls, and I couldn't get a hold. of them my life went on you know I was just a kid trying to put the pieces together and I went to Colorado and I came back and I just my life went fucking sourly like summer of 84 my life goes fucking sour I'm a young kid I'm not living in the rocket ship yet I'm a few months away from the fucking rocket ship you know and here's this uh I'm hanging out I had already done a a ton of damage.

And right now, I'm just walking around with my nose wide open. I'm living from hand to mouth. Who the fuck am I kidding? What do you mean a ton of damage? I had just done a ton of damage to my relationships, my friends, myself.

You know, I was at this point, I wasn't really talking to Zerrida. I was like on month three, I'm not talking to Zerrida. I was homeless at this point. I was just staying in people's basements and a couch here, a couch there. My whole life's existence was just to fucking get in high. Like to waking up, meet my friends and partying and giggling and fucking being a jerk off.

Don't get me wrong. It wasn't just about that. It was about, I just didn't want to work. I just want everybody want to be a big shot. Cocaine was everywhere. You know, you could sell it. People could front it to you. There was just so many different opportunities to make money, you know?

And I'm on the fucking, I went from fink and being a killer to nothing. I'm just walking around the streets, trying to turn 20 bucks into fucking 100 so I could get high and drink and be a big shot at the bar with a bunch of jerkoffs. I'll never see you again. You lost it all because of Coke? I lost it all because of me. I lost it all. it was just it was just fucking crazy

it was me and everybody around me do you know what I'm saying like that's a I was talking to a friend of mine he was telling me about his youth out here but I had never known about

a friend of mine from Jersey's an actor I met him on a I did a movie with him then we did a commercial together and we always speak on the phone when there's auditions coming up for both of us and we were talking about he was telling me about his condition

when he was a year young guy that he was getting high with this fucking Hollywood actor and he was doing coke three nights a week and he started hearing fucking birds and shit and he had to go to rehab and just the fact

that you're that age and doing that shit and he was telling me he goes I think about it every fucking day because the shit that goes on in my life today that goes back to that that was the on the scale of

one to ten on the low point being zero, I was at four at this point in my life. Just my life. I was living in somebody's house. I didn't have a job. I would work for three days to get a paycheck and then part. I was a fucking kid. You know, I didn't know what was going on. And this October, I had already done damage in California.

I had done damage in New York. A couple drug dealers are looking for me in Jersey I'm just walking the streets by a fucking shoelace I have no dream Lee I mean I'm 21 fucking years old I got not one dream

How do you think you were going to live? I have no fucking idea By selling drugs And trying to be a fucking professional thief I don't fucking know Lee That was it That's my option At that time in my life, at that particular time in my life, that fucking day, there was nothing.

There was nothing. There was no fucking hope. There was no hope. I had three pair of pants, seven T-shirts, a pair of shorts, maybe four pair of socks, one pair of sneakers. They were all purpose. I'd just put windex on them and clean them off so they looked like they were clean, but they were filthy and they smelled horrible inside because I'd sleep in them and shit outside. and people's houses, I wouldn't take a moss on my feet, wouldn't stink. It was terrible.

Were you stressed about it, or did you not care? Yeah, I was stressed about it. Parts of me was stressed about it. I didn't know when or how it was going to end. I was looking for an end. I was looking for an end. To your life? Excuse me?

An end to your life? No, an end to this life. I was looking for something. I needed a little help. All I needed was a fucking boost. to push me over the fucking top. And Monday I'm walking in West New York, and who do I see?

Baboon, my godfather. Now, granted, the night before, I get into a fist fight over money, and my jacket got ripped. I'm walking around with a ripped jacket. What does that tell you? You don't have much money? I just look terrible.

I just looked like a mess. If you saw me, you're like, and I saw my godfather, he gave me a big hug. I cried. I was very emotional. I hadn't seen him. This was my fucking saviorly.

Holy shit. This dude is going to fucking save me right now. It's all over but the shouting. I'm going to fucking live with him. He's going to get let me his car. I'm going to get money from him and everything is going to be fine. Or he's going to get money from my godfather, from my father. I'm going to talk him into going over there and getting $50,000 from one.

So he took me to lunch. He took me to his place, Lessinges, and bought me his jacket. And, you know, I would meet him for lunch for a few days and just talk to him. And I asked him, can I live with you and start a new life? And he's like, that's not going to happen. Why not? He had gotten married. He had met a woman, and he was renting a house and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And for those first couple weeks, it was funny. He held me at arm's length, which really hurt my feelings. You know, at this point, I had been fucking traumatized. By what? Huh? What were you traumatized by? I'd gone to Miami, and this was a house where I grew up in, and all of a sudden they acted like they didn't trust me.

Like when I was a kid, they'd leave purses out and stuff. All of a sudden, everything was being unlocked doors, and I had to ring the bell, and even though they loved me and let me live there and the whole thing, everything was completely different. There was a couple things that stood out, and then one day they accused me of something, and I was done, which I knew.

I knew was going to happen. Today I still talk to them now. I talk to my cousin. I talked to the daughter on Facebook, the sister. The one sister we go back and forth, two or three times a year, but we're not. Not that we're not tight, she just, that was my daughter, that was my mother's goddaughter.

That was my mother's god daughter, Jacqueline. That's why I named my first daughter, Jacqueline. So, but why aren't you guys close? I don't, it was because what went down in Miami and 84, right before I saw Gabby. That was bad for everybody. Like, everybody's feelings got hurt, my feelings got hurt, I said a few things I shouldn't have. And then it was all over. My relationship with them was pretty much over.

I talked to them maybe six years later, and it was after the hurricane in Miami, and they said that they had lost everything. I hung up, and I never spoke to them again. I was very embarrassed. And I called a few times, and the number had changed, and then I got a hold of them a couple years ago on Facebook, and they came to see me at the improv, and we chit-chatted.

And recently, I hit my cousin up, but he had been the motorcycle accident or something, and he didn't show up, and now we talked on Facebook, and we called each other from time to time. So we're cool now. And then before that, I was out here, and I had gotten into the beef of my uncle.

So I had just had, like, three situations that I was fucked up over, you know what I'm saying? Because they were family. Why am I going to war with people that I loved, people who I grew up around? Now I see my godfather, and I'm thinking, And fuck, I'm home free.

Well, that's not the fucking case. He's loving me. He's meeting me for lunch, and he's giving me 50 bucks a day, and he's smoking pot with me. But he's not letting me into his home. He's not, this is what I want. This is what I wanted at this time. I wanted him to take me in and let me get a clean start,

and let me clean my life together. And he was like, no. And I was like, I need fucking money. He's like, no. I don't have it to give you. He goes, but if you want to sell some fucking blow. I was going to ask you if you were clean,

what do you have done it for you? But I guess when I went, when I was pulling the scam on him too, I didn't want him to know I was doing blow. Like to that side of the family, I wasn't letting them know. Like there was no fucking way. I was going to tell him I was doing powder.

I did everything in my power. When I was around him not to do powder or be on it from the night before. Like if I called him and he'd go meet me at 1 o'clock, I wouldn't really stay out all night. I would clean up and eat breakfast and do a bunch of shit so I had an alcohol on my breath. So when I met him, I could tell him I got a good night's sleep.

You understand me? So I always covered my fucking ends. So it took a while for him to say to me one day, hey, these people you hang out with. None of them do cocaine? And I'm like, I don't know. I got to ask around. So I was playing him.

Do you follow him? I didn't grab it right away. I said, let me ask around for a few days. Now I knew I had my hook on him. I already knew I had my hook on him. Now I just needed, if I knew he was watching me, if I went back like a fucking Godzilla, he wasn't going to give me shit.

But if I went in and took a couple days, that's exactly what I did. That took a couple days. Then he asked him one day at lunch, can you move some shit? And I go, you know what? I asked around, there's some dudes. They'll take like, what's two of those three and a half things?

I was playing like I knew nothing. And he told me how much. It was dirt cheap to me. I could make money. And I didn't make money. I would just buy it and snort it. And then bring them the cash. Do you think he was giving you a deal?

Was he trying to dip you out of it? Was he trying to get it over on someone who didn't know anything? No, no, no. He wasn't giving me a lot. He took really good care. He was giving it to me at cost. In those days, he was giving me, like let's say in those days, an eight ball in the city was 250. He was charging me 300 for a quarter, which is two eight balls.

So instead of paying 250 for one, I was paying 150 and buying two of them. So I could make money hand over fist. If I threw, and it was great Coke, it was nice and fucking hard right from a chunk. So I could throw fucking two grams on again. at nine, take one out, have eight, eight times fucking a hundred is $800, minus three. I make $500 on each batch, and I snort a fucking gram. Oh, no, that wasn't good enough for me. I would snort the whole fucking thing and be a big shot and then have to show up

fucking $300 the next day. So I would sell three grams for $250 and then come up with $50 myself and get a quarter. So I would give them three and I would keep the rest for a fucking $25. I would do kinky shit like that. I was a flea. I was a fucking mess, my friend. I was a fucking mess. And I kept working it and working it and working it.

And I worked it for a few months. I worked it very slowly and patiently like a surgeon because I was working a few people at the same time. I mean, people talk about job stability. You weren't nervous at all, like having no stable income whatsoever? I didn't need income. I knew I could crash at somebody's house. A hotel room was 1999 for the night. If I needed sleep, I get a hotel room for three nights.

Take showers, watch TV, refuel, get a cup of Cuban sandwiches, some Chinese food. I have lubez bring me some spaghetti with meatballs. And bam, there I was Thursday night. ready with his white shoes on, shined, ready to snort coke, do quailas, and tell lies. Fuck, yeah, Lee. It gives me anxiety thinking about living like that. Looking back on it, what do you think?

What do you think of looking at yourself? It was terrible. It was totally fucking horrendous. That year, if I could take a few years out of my life, that was one year I would have taken out of my life. But on the other hand, I learned so much. I learned so much from that year. I learned what it was to,

I think in every man's life, there comes a time when that was the first time in my life, the blinders had been, I don't know, taken off or put on. No. They were removed. Yeah, that was the first.

time I saw the world. That was the first time, Lee. Up to that point I thought I knew the world, but that was the first time I saw the world. I saw the other side of the world. You know, when I came out here to live out of here, my uncle, and he was like, ah, you know, and when I went to Miami, all I wanted at that point in my life was a second chance. And I couldn't fucking get it. And every time I started to get it, I blow it. I'd blow it on purpose. Two weeks in, three weeks in, I'd blow it. I got an apartment.

I had a job in Jersey. Nice little apartment. I blew it. I quit my job, started getting high. I flooded the bathroom. You know, it was just one thing after the fucking other. I blew it. And then I started robbing.

July of 84, I start fucking robbingly. And I'm talking about whoever, whatever. drug dealers, pot dealers, pill dealers, people had money in their house, people I knew, people I didn't know. If I suspected Giedus in your house, I was in your fucking house. Plain and fucking simple. There was a few people I loved that I wouldn't even consider, but everybody else was fucking in danger. Like, I was a fucking cancer. Like, I was really a straight-up cancer league to the people around me and my neighbor to myself.

It was weird. If I had a hint that Lee Syatt sold drugs, I was in your house a week and a half after I found out you sold drugs. Except if your grandmother lived there, like, you know, there's always a backstory. Like, don't break in there because the grandmother's always there. She lives in the apartment with them, like that, there's shit like that. You're like, ah, fuck.

You know, but for the most part, if you had your apartment empty, I would figure out a way to go in there. even if I had locks on all the doors in the windows because I wait for a slow time and kick the fucking doors down I was a kicker I kicked your fucking door down I loved it or a bathroom window type of guy

or window type whatever however I get into your house I figured out a way to get into the house there was a lot of places I couldn't get into don't get me wrong there's a lot of places that just aren't right but there's a lot of places that I could get into just like fucking you know

it was just doing it Remember, she's doing it. You don't know how many times I was doing shit and people walked right past me. Right under me, and I was climbing a wall or, you know, you'd be fucking surprised. They're just oblivious to you robbing people blind. Oblivious.

They don't even see you climbing or, you know, kicking a door down. You don't know how many times I just kicked a door down, went in as long as I knew where I was going, and I had two minutes, I'm good. if I went in there not knowing then we had a fucking problem Were you wearing a mask?

Was I what? Wearing a mask? Oh yeah, yeah. I had my little A Blinking mask. Fuck no. I went in there like me Like a fucking no nonsense type of jerk off that I was.

Can you imagine that? Oh, Lisa, yeah. I'm so fucking embarrassed. You didn't try to hide your idea. That's why you got caught. Well, no, no, no. No, no. cameras, Lisa, yeah.

No, really? Nobody had cameras in homes. Nobody had computers. The only time you would get caught is if you robbed the liquor store, you robbed the bank, or if you did shit like that. But people's homes, do you think a drug dealer had cameras in 1983?

I don't know. Fuck, no. No, there was no cameras. There was cameras, but the drug dealers I robbed weren't sophisticated enough to put a camera on the door. There was people, listen, like when you travel and buy drugs, let's say you came to Miami from Boston to buy drugs

correct right okay so you would come on the plane with your wife okay and you'd bring Mrs. Syatt grandma your mother okay and then you bring your fucking goofy brother and his wife okay all right okay so I say you go to Miami you meet Joey Diaz you give him cash he gives you blow right

Okay. He gives you, let's say, 10 kilos. You have to take it back to Boston. Your brother's your partner. You know where you put the Coke? Where? And your mother's wrong. Under her bed.

But you don't really have contact with your mother in that hotel. This is the weirdest fucking thing. This is how people do it. They don't even know they're involved. Did they really? In the 80s and 70s, that's how people move drugs. You took your family with you. It may look like a fucking family vacation.

But there's always somebody who stays in the room, 24 fucking hours a day. You see what I'm saying? So nobody could come in your room. That's a lot of... What are you do if you don't have a mother-and-a-brother combo? Well, then you just hire people to dress up with fucking wigs and you wing it, Lee. I don't fucking know.

It's a lot of work to be successful. will be? Well, yeah, when people came from, let's say when somebody came from Miami to New Jersey to sell drugs, they checked into the holiday and right there off of Route 3 and North Bergen and Bacique August, right? Right. And they had them came in, like they came in as a couple, and then you'd have the mom, and then you'd have fucking two henchmen.

The drugs weren't with the henchmen. They were with the mom because the mom wouldn't leave the fucking room. So once they sold the drugs, even the cash stayed with the mom. because the mom ain't leaving the fucking room. She watches novellas all day and she fucking orders room service. You understand what I'm trying to say to you? So nobody's going to kick in the fucking door that.

But we're in a hotel. And if the cops come in, the two dudes are on their own and this guy's on their own. If you play it correctly, the real pros are put it in a different hotel. This is back in the fucking, I'm talking to their late 70s, early 80s.

I don't even know what we're talking about this shit. What's your question, cock sucker? Fuck. You don't even know. I know. Look at the shape of you. Oh, oh, this isn't. I would have thought that selling drugs at the hotel would be a bad place because...

Not selling them at the drug. No, you don't sell nothing at the hotel. That's who you stash them on the move. So where do we... Oh, on the move. So you come from... Let's say a lot of people, a lot of people said, fuck it, Lee. You know what?

I'll bring them to you. but this is what you're going to pay me. That's dangerous shit, bringing drugs to somebody. Not always scared the fuck out of me. Taking a plane with Coke, that means I've got to pay you a premium. You've got to pay me a premium. Instead of the kilo being 18, now you've got to pay me 21 because I brought it to fucking Boston.

You come down in Miami and pick it up to 18. You follow me? Are you with me on here? Right. So when they travel with it, the dealer doesn't want to be in the same location. with it. A real dealer won't even put it in his hotel. He doesn't even bring the heat to his hotel.

He puts in a hotel a mile down the block with some fucking old lady who looks like she's 90 that doesn't do dick. And they just drop it off with her. And when they paint the pickup up with the cash, they put the cash with her until they fly down south. And she

always has her eyes on that fucking bag. You dig? There's a lot of trust to having that old lady. Well, if she's your fucking mother or your sister, there's trust, cocksucker. It's not like the only reason they get up in the middle of the night

and fucking, you know, where's she gonna go? She's 80, you know what's gonna take your money to? Vegas. A fucking Vegas. What's you gonna do in Vegas? Play slot machines.

Get it together. Fuck yeah. The $15 slot. Look at the doctor. But he's my godfather. Here I am vulnerable as shit. And I got my godfather.

I fucking goddumly. I set him up perfectly. I, started working them at the beginning of October. And I loved them, Lee. I got to tell you something, man. For me to tell this shit tonight, I thought about it since like 2 o'clock

since the phone call went down, my buddy. Because there's times I miss them. Like, when we first started, the podcast, it was about second chances. You know, I'm gonna be 53 on Friday. And I wish I could apologize to him. I've tried to look them up on, you know, the social media outlets.

and shit, the Googles, but went on the street, he retired to Key West with the wife, and they bought a little house. You know what? The sick thing about this, Lee, that this even wasn't over the money. This wasn't over the drug addiction. This was over my anger for him.

Because I wanted him to be my white night, my knight in shining armor. If anybody was going to come through from all my experiences with him, I thought he always was going to come through. When I saw him on that street, Lee, I thought all my problems were over. I thought I didn't even have to ask.

You know what I'm saying? I thought he would take a look at me and he knew me so well. He'd say, get in the car. We're going to my house. We're going to wash you up and get your job and get your car and we're going to get you on your feet. That's what I thought he was going to say to me.

In turn, he didn't say any of those things. He didn't say he wasn't going to help me. but he wasn't, you know what I'm saying? Like until he started bringing up the Coke and we started having little chats. And like I said, I didn't attack him right away for the Coke. I milked him little by little. And then I would make a bigger purchase little by little. And I got him, I think the relationships, I'm getting my dates fucked up.

The relationship with me and him started like in September. It took me about eight weeks to get him. I got him Halloween weekend. And that's when our little war started. And it's funny because I saw, not only was I sad, like when I first bumped him off, I took the Coke from him and didn't pay him the money,

I was, look at the shape of you. I was really sad. But then his behavior after that, I was so fucked up, and I was living in such denial. Knock on my earphone sound fucking weird. I was living in such denial. My earphone sounded weird.

What do they sound like? Like nothing. Like nothing's going on. You've got to put it louder or you got to do fucking something here. You're killing me here. Now you're going to take it off. Look at him. He's fixing shit.

Check, check, check, check, check. There you go. That's as how as it goes. That's good. No, no, it sounds better. Okay. So I was just hurt by his reaction before I took his money and his cocaine. didn't pay him. His fucking reaction really kicked my central nervous system into overdrive.

Because I thought he was just going to let it go and go, you know what, man? I get it. He's angry. In a year or two, he'll come around, pay me my money, and we'll fucking write this off. I fucked him over all those years. Maybe he needed me. Fuck no. He came after me super hard. I mean Gangster fucking hard Gangster hard Chase me Went to my fucking places of work

Went to my places I hang out went to where I ate I mean it was non-stop Lee for about three weeks And you can never catch up with them No Then I disappeared I disappeared

In January of 85 He was looking to form me all the way up to like December of 84. He was looking for me maybe till about Thanksgiving. That's what he was looking for me. I heard it from different people. My friend, his uncle had a bar in Union City,

and he fucking called me one. And he's like, hey, man, my uncle called me. I said, there's a dude who goes to bars and asks about you. Do you know who the fucking dude is? And I go, white hair? Yeah, that's him. Gabby. He was relentless.

He was going on all little different dive bars. He'd have a couple of drinks. And he dropped my fucking name, man. But he never figured out that I was in Bergen County. He looked for me in Hudson County. He would look for me in Hoboken and Union City and different bars in West New York. At that time, there wasn't too many bars in North Bergen that, you know, so he went into a couple bars from North Bergen, once or twice, and that was it.

people in North Bergen said they didn't know where the fuck I was or anything. It's surprising that not one person that one of the bars would have known where you were. Nobody knew where I was at that time. When I disappeared in those days, there was maybe one, maybe two people

who knew that where the fuck I was in 85. Why would you have it that way? That's how you have it? When you disappear, how many people are you going to tell? What are you going to tell the whole village? I'm leaving to the Kreskill? You don't say nothing to know by it. Right. In fact, they didn't really know.

I'd just keep in touch with them. I didn't really tell them where I was at. Didn't matter. They all my friends, they wanted to know, but they didn't need to know. The only guy who always knew where I was at was loose. Really? Yep. Why did you pick him?

Just because he deserved to know. He always wanted to know. Like, Roger and Timmy, they kind of knew, but didn't know. Glenn kind of knew. Bless you. Thank you. Ologies in full fucking swing lately the last two or three days. That's the way.

Oh, there you go. Salute, baby. I ain't fucking around. Oh, shit. You okay? I'm telling you, my allergies are on fucking fire. It was just scary. Like, you chased me.

That's fucking scary. The first day through these rose bushes by our lady of Fat of it. But I had fucking thorn bushes everywhere. I was ripped up. Then he showed up at a fucking restaurant, he needed a city. And he came in, then he goes, I want to talk to you out in the front. What did you say? I said, I'll be right out there.

And he waited out in the front of his car, and I went out the back door. Walk three blocks. And as I walked three blocks, I saw his car, and there was a bus. And I just jumped on the bus. And I saw him go. Instead of getting behind the bus, he went that way looking for me. So I lost him that time. I didn't see him for a while.

and I walked into a bar where I used to hang out of it and the lady called me over and she said this week and last week some guy came with him looking for him came and a few drinks and then said he was family and he hadn't seen you since your mom died Spanish dude

so he was looking for me bro were you avoiding him were you actively No no I was looking for him I wanted him to find me you know I just knocked him over for fucking four ounces of blow, five ounces of the blow. Yeah, I was sitting there with my camouflage. What is it like to have someone looking for? I'm not having anyone looking for me. Horrible. Horrendous. Horrendous.

Were you nervous every time like the door? It wasn't looked at it or not? Well, the bars I went to October, November, and December, you had 20 people deep. I had 20 people deep. He wasn't going to go in there and rip me out of it. Do you follow me? I knew. The only thing he had on me was if I got in the car kind of fucked up and he'd get in the car and follow me. And you always had a watch for that.

And I always had my eye out for that. Anybody who got behind this or something, him on a motorcycle? No, no, I'm lying to you. I didn't even know about the motorcycle at that point. He showed up on a motorcycle the day I was leaving. So I didn't see him from December of 1984. I didn't see him. I was living in Fort Lee.

I was living in Creskill, hiding out up there in Bergen County. I was living in Teneck or Tenefly. I always forget which one. I got arrested him one of those motherfuckers in Tenefly for possession of stolen fucking property or some shit. And then I didn't see him. And do you know that the day I was leaving for fucking Boulder,

I saw him on a motorcycle. And he pulled up to me on the motorcycle. He said, and he goes, you never came by with that money. I'm fucking heartbroken. He goes, the next time I see I'm going to put a bullet in your fucking leg.

And he just took off on his motorcycle. I was, I shit a brick. But it was like so ironic that he said that to me the last day I was in New Jersey. Like I remember getting on that fucking plane going, that was fucked up. I don't see somebody for six months.

And the day I'm fucking leaving, I bump into this fucking schlep at a White Castle parking lot. And he's on a motorcycle. Was he on the motorcycle to follow you? No, he was just taking a morning Sunday drive. I mean, he really was. And there I was waiting for a fucking bus.

Excuse me. Edit that out, Lee. You know what I'm saying? I'm on people's fucking... I'm sorry. I just got bad. bad allergies this fucking fluke el nino and there's rain and shit whatever the fuck it is that's the last time i gotta tell you someone he spoke to me i cried a little bit like i cried

on the bus i fucked him over because you felt bad about what you did absolutely i'm not proud of no point about what i did at that point right there i was disgusted with myself how did you justify it it wasn't the money with me and him i had broken his fucking heart i was his Godson, for Christ's sakes, if I would have knocked on his door and given him a few grand and said, hey, man, let me give you a few hundred every few weeks. Me and him would have been cool now. I've tried looking for him. I've tried just to apologize and send him a check something.

I can't find him. I don't want him to go to his grave hating me. He's got to be 80 now, 70, but he was always in good shape. He didn't drink. He didn't drink. He didn't smoke cigarettes. He fucking smoked weed. And he was, when I did that with the cope with him, if I was 21, he was 50 maybe or something, maybe 40 something. So he's at least 80 now.

He's almost 80. I would love to give him a hug and tell him I'm sorry and I fucked up what I did to you. It was horrifying, horrifying. That's not even the type of person I am. At that point, in my life, that's what I had to do. that I felt so fucking angry and so I felt like he had thrown, like all the people in the world, I

never thought that he would have thrown me to the walls. Like after my mom died maybe a year or two, he would have showed up in a car one day and said, listen, you're with me. I got a house, you take the downstairs, we're going to get a fruit business or something like that. That was like one of my dreams to have a business with him. That's how

much I loved and trusted this motherfucker. But when he shattered my fucking vision, And, okay, so not even that. At least put me in your basement. Let me get my life started. And I could, I'm laughing because Lee is fucked up, ladies and gentlemen. 600 milligrams.

You didn't do no way. I did, too. You got to eat one more. I did 800. You saw, you drew that one in the garbage. No, it is. I just, in a way, I feel it's a punishment to my daughter, not to have a good thought. a good godfather now like somebody local you know like that's that's it's just a weird feeling

for me as a child to have that even that my mom trusted he never did anything bad to me i mean he was always a gentleman he always made me had a good time like you know when somebody goes out of the way for you to have a good time well especially the movies as a young kid it's such a fun place it let them get a popcorn like he would take me to R-rated more Yeah. You know, he took me to the Volachi papers when I was a kid. He took me to... Stuff, Mom won't take it to him.

No, my mom didn't give a fuck either, but it was weird how he made a big deal about, like, listen, today, we're going to take it through a movie, they're going to show women's titties. Can you handle that? And I sit down, like, I don't even know what titties are. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? I knew what titties were. I was just playing him. So he felt good that he took me to see. see a tit. Do you follow me?

I feel you. So he would talk to me like that. We're going to go down there and we'd take the train. Even though he had a badass car, he'd park it and we'd walk a little bit, then we'd take the fucking train. So on the walk of the movie, he could always talk a little bit. And then we'd go eat and he'd smoke on the way to choke there. He lit his joints with matches, and he hit his roaches behind the matchbook. Fucking craziness. I still remember this shit. I miss him. That's it. I miss him, and I'm sorry that I fucked him over.

And I wish I would have a second chance to justify what I had done. Like I said, it wasn't about the money in his world. It wasn't about the money with me. I feel terrible now. Maybe somebody out there will know. What about your uncle? Any update on that situation? Now.

Jim Hoy, Tony Jack the Bear Manx. Pat Shea. Eddie Brancaccio, my childhood friend. Stefan Peterson, Cam 1, James Harrison. And the Squid Room podcast representing as motherfucking usual cocksuckers. No, it was very sad. This is the shit I think around my birthday. You know, I think about how lucky I am.

I mean, I talked to Jamo Schmidt yesterday, a childhood friend of mine, that one time I dropped barbells on top of him because a ball of sweat full. off my nose right into his mouth tremendous while he was bench pressing and uh he was like go go i'm going to your shell friday night you know i'm calling it thursday and all this shit and he's like how old are you gonna be 53 because if i was in that basement i would have given you five more fucking years it's true 50 fucking three how old were you in the basement 18 11

lifting weights in the sum 100% 100 degrees 100% 100% motherfucking humidity Lisaeat

sweating just for walking you know I'm saying that thick fat sweat I wasn't even fat that I was thin as fuck I was eating

tuna out of a can I wanted to fucking cut weight like Mike Ments I wanted to be a bodybuilder I just had no fucking biceps

Lysayette you fucked up tonight getting ready for Las Vegas. How much cash you bring him? Doop me up a little bit. How much you're taking out from the mattress?

Maybe like 200, 300. Stop, Liam. Come on. Start from scratch. How much? Make believe it. We'll edit that piece out. Oh, 100, 300.

I mean, 10,000. Take the fucking coins. How many coins you got left? Wait, wait, wait. The coin collection. What happened to it? I do have a dollar coin from the

hotel that I can't find I'm pissed about Well I thought you have like some coin collection You're going to take the Vegas next time And bet the farm Take it to one of those pawn shop guys And get you Get 30 cents on the dollar

You have a good time in Vegas That's why I love Vegas Nobody makes me happy than watching him Even after he loses Because he has a smile on his face But it's a stupid look on his face it to smile. If he wins $10, you'll never see anybody happy in this

fucking guy. All he needs to win is 1222. Lawrence, our friend Larry, fucking gave him some winners. He wouldn't shut the fuck up about it for three fucking days. I like winning money. It's awesome. I only play Wheel of Fortune. I put a 20 in there.

Once the fucking 20 runs out, I'm done. Yeah, but then when I was about to sit down, that other girl sat down I won 300 bucks on those games. Yeah, I know. Don't fucking remind me, cocks second. I also was going to be your fucking

quick champ, Charlie, and you fucking lost my investment. You walk away during a heater. How can you walk away? Shut the fuck up, bitch. You were to kiss a death that, you were worse than a Kardashian. What's going on, man? I just, I was really sad this morning.

The last couple days, I've been in a weird mood since Monday. Because you're going to have a birthday. You think about what the fuck you did, what the fuck he didn't do. I was thinking about how my godfather says. Sometimes I get into conversations with Leah about midnight about his girlfriend,

about her attorney, and we start picking her career. We get so hard. We start talking about how we're going to make her a weed attorney and how she's going to move to Portland and run a firm and shit. It's all bullshit, but it's so weird how because of Gabby, like that bothered me.

Like, that was the other thing that bothered me. that he used to always tell me I should have gone into the service and became an attorney if that bothers me today in a way that I didn't become an attorney there's nothing like a dip now I got shit going out of them we're going to go back to law school and this says that'd be a great documentary

oh god almighty my head would blow up if I had to read with Paul or reads you can't get high I'm sure you could no no Listen I'm half retarded

My comprehension level is already fucking gone There was days in the marriage Said that every fucking scene There was one line that twisted me up But I could not fucking say Like that's how old I'm getting Something's going on There was one line in every fucking scene

Lisa I am That I fucked up Doesn't that happen to everybody Not really not fucking really didn't it piss you off didn't piss me off it just disappointed me

you're getting old that's it you know you can take 19 alpha brains you're still 53 you know what I'm saying 53 is 53 you look at my brain looking

all right all these people getting concussions I never got hit in the head playing football right but I got hitting the head in the motorcycle and I got hit in the head

with the flashlight when I was fucking five or six right with the with the fucking container from the fucking lunchbox. Right. All right. And throughout the years,

I got clenston ahead a few fucking times. I landed on my head a few times. Right? Now you add all that up. Now you got to add the drugs, right? That don't fucking help nobody. That's like the left side of your brain is just shot.

Like it just yells from time to time. And then you got to add the fucking trauma. You got to really add in. I went to see Dr. Amy last week and she got a new contraption. And she puts it on my, my ears and she goes, I'm going to find what pain you have. You have physical pain, mental pain, you know, personal pain. I'll find the fucking pain with this. And it's like this little thing, then they stick a needle in your ear sideways. You got to take a breath. You go, because it hurts a little

bit, like it fucking hurts when they put this needle in. And then afterwards, she goes, do you feel a lot better? And she goes, you know, this tells you it's a gauge on your pain. You know, you have like a lot of pain. Do I have a lot of pain? Who the fuck knows if I have a lot of pain? Sometimes. Sometimes I wake up and I think of shit like this about my godfather. That gives me pain because I knew I was a better person when I did it. I was a way fucking better person when I did that shit. And now I got to live with it. I know he's dead, you know.

I wish he wasn't. I wish there was a way I could find him down in the Key West, wherever the fuck he is. But I know I can't fucking find him. I've tried. I re-Google, Google Express. and you know what, nothing comes up. That's the weird thing.

Like, let's say I press, there's people I look for from time to time. I remember, and I go, I wonder where he is. Then you have that service that pops up that says there's five Lee Syatt's in this area. Right. And you have to look through him and maybe you recognize his kid's names

or his wife's name and that's how you pick him. You go, oh, shit. He is fucking alive. But then when you click on there, they want like $92.50 to give you the name and the phone number. And then you got to subscribe every month. And there's a by the way.

And if you cancel, you got to cancel six months in advance. You got a written letter certified by the fucking judge of Connecticut who died, Judge Collier. You got to fucking do all this. Fuck it. Then I won't do it. So, but no, there's nothing. Nothing for him. Not at all.

So we get it together. I'm not to read sponsors. Look at the shape of you. Not that we're going on. Sure. Let's go. No. I got shit to doing people to see.

over here fucking your eyes are in the back of you how you gonna fucking drive oh i have no plans of doing that at all you still gotta eat one more star and you hell no you got another brownie in there with your name on it either how many podcasts you do till like 19 uh four no just two just two and then uh talked with about doing one and after bus so that might be happening and right now at this point in my life you know it's been a long time I don't talk to my daughter, but I have no right to say this to anybody. But what this podcast was about was this shit not happening to you, man. If you have a relative, you're having beef with right now over fucking something stupid.

You know, think about it because now 30 years later, I wish I could hug Gabby. You know, I wish I could introduce him to my daughter. There's so many things that I wish I could have taken them to a premiere. You know what I'm saying? I'd let them down so much so I'd like to make them proud of me. And, uh, fuck it. Do you think you're living in a way that would make him proud now? You what?

Do you think you're living in a way that would make him proud now? Absa fucking looting. Absa fucking looting. Absolutely. If he saw me 30 years ago and saw me now, he would go, I don't know how you pulled it off. I don't know how to fuck you pulled it off. But God bless you. Thank you for giving me my mother.

I'm fucking 80. I need it now more than other. You know, the government don't send your checks. Whatever, you know, I would give him the money. I don't care. So, I mean, I guess that's really all you can do. I mean, if you're living in a way that he would approve of, hopefully he's still alive. Listen, all those people that I wrong coming up, you know, man, in that way, like my family, like my uncle, you asked about my uncle. I'm blown away around my uncle. our friend Poki is in Cuba.

The deal was, I was going to see Poki this week before she left, give her cash for her trip, and give her a package to take my sister. The problem was my cousin called my wife. Okay. The day after Christmas and said, we have a Christmas present for Mercy. Plus, my brother went to Cuba.

We have a letter for Joey from his family. So I was waiting to get the letter so I could disperse whatever the fuck I had to do with the Stacy. It's February what? 16th century. My cousin still hasn't called my wife. Now, they got a lot of shit going on up there. Me and my uncle, the chit chat between me and my uncle that we're not talking no more.

Does it break my heart? It breaks my heart in many ways. But between you and I, I'm 53. I didn't talk to them. 35 of those fucking years or something. I didn't talk to him from 84 to 2009. But 25 years, we didn't talk. He never hunted me down.

One time a friend of mine came to me and said, you know who called my house the other day? Your uncle saying a bunch of shit about you. If I knew how to find you, blah, blah, blah. But he never, never, ever, ever did he reach out after that. That was just. And when I reached out to my uncle, I reached out to him. I apologize like a man. I apologized for what I had done. And I asked him for a second chance. And he said, absolutely, swinging by the bar. And I went over there and I shook his hand. And I talked to him

for a little while. And I would take him out to lunch for a year or two, every Monday, like clockwork. I would call him six times a week. When I was due those gigs late night, I'd call him 11 o'clock at night. Do you? What's going on? We'd talk for fucking 45 minutes about Cuba, music, a piece of ass. He got testosterone. You know, I was contacting him more than his kids.

I took him to a few baseball games. I invited, you know, I used to take him the breakfast of my daughter and my wife. I mean, I did everything I can't. He was the first, the second guy to show up at the hospital. My wife had the baby. I mean, you know. And one day, it just ended. What do you want me to do?

You want me to go knock on his door and apologize and try to rekindle it? We gave it a shot. It didn't work out. I'm cool with that. He got to meet my daughter. He got to meet my wife. And he got to see me in a great place. He really did.

I'm cool with my uncle because my uncle got to see me in a great place. He got to watch Grudge match. He watched The Longest Yard. He watched Spider-Man. He came to watch me do stand-up. I ate dick. Willie Lee Lee Lee came. We had him on the podcast and the old.

place. Right, the first office. The first office. I mean, that was cool, my uncle. We haven't spoken now for a year. Do I miss him? Fuck, yeah, I miss him. But you know what? That just wasn't meant to be. I live with that every day like a man. I don't give a fuck.

And listen, as far as I'm concerned, I'm not mad at all. I'm hurt that he hasn't reached out to my daughter. That destroys me. because that's something that has nothing to do with her. That's what gets under my skin. That he could put an envelope.

He doesn't need to send $10, nothing. Just a card to say mercy from your great-uncle, Lazaro, and I'd be straight with it. But for him to shut him and my wife off, my wife, wife, like my uncle. My wife dug my uncle, she got a kick out of him. He's old, dog. Old dudes are fucking a pissing.

They're a fucking pisser living their own world. all I'm saying is you know what I'm saying if you're at war with somebody talk to them so you don't feel as bad as I do on my birthday every fucking year that's it give me the fucking sponsor sheets what are you looking at me all weird for what do you got tomorrow

cocksucker tomorrow I have a couple consultations look at you Johnny fucking consultations more consultations than consultations I know it's good

at least you're going to fucking jitju you know what funny ever since I've been reading up on these guys at the end of my workouts lately I just sit there and I breathe and I close my eyes and I look at my third eye like you're doing right now and this headspace stuff it's tremendous because let's be honest most of your problems start with your mind fear which I have a ton of when I go to Jiu-Jitsu anger that's me stressed

anxiety I live in fucking anxietyville depression Sleeplessness, that's fucking me. They be getting in your head, but they can wreck your fucking life. It doesn't have to be that way. You can make a major difference in just 10 minutes a day. This change comes through guided meditation with the new Headspace app. Listen to me, a new Headspace app. Headspace is meditation made simple.

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Download the free Headspace app and begin their Take 10 program for 10 days of guided meditation at Headspace.com slash Joey. The Headspace Take 10 program is 100% free way to experience the benefits of meditation in your busy modern life. We know you're busy. Everybody's fucking busy. Everybody's going here. Everybody's going there. You download the app.

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slash Joey. This headspace is a tremendous app. Give it a shot. You're going to be very, very happy that you gave with a shot, okay? And reference Andy Petticokeme's TED Talk, which has over 5 million views. It'll come up

in Google under Andy Pedicom Ted Talk. Andy is the founder of Headspace and the voice you hear on the app. You don't need to put aside loads of time or emigrate to Tibet. They did that for you. This guy was a monk for 10 years. He knows this stuff.

10 minutes is relatively easy to find, but it takes a little effort. Go to headspace.com slash joy. You're right. That's what I'm trying to say to you. What's up, Lee? I'm doing great, man. Your brain, your own meditation, a little world, aren't you? I am. I'm taking them doing the Headspace Take 10 program. Right, beautiful. You need to start it. Also,

who's better than you guys? You smokes a few to tutsu-s-a-roots. your blue apron. Now you're sitting there. You're thinking, Joey, what the fuck? I'm sitting here. I'm a little hungry. Boom. This uncle Joey comes in. The church is also brought to you by naturebox.com. dedicated to making smart, delicious snacks easy. Okay. You deserve better than those high fructose corn syrup and red dye 578 and all that bullshit. What you deserve is finding a snack that has a range of a different range of options, from healthy to indulgent. They combine unique flavors with ingredients you can pronounce to create great snacks

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just stop and breathe and having downloaded the app. I download it when I first got it, but now I've got to do it more on a basic rotation, just like I'm trying to do everything else. So NatureBox, Headspace, on it, I love you, cock suckers. Don't forget Las Vegas, Friday, Saturday, and the next time you'll see me to San Jose, March 10th to the 12th, I'm taking a little sabbatical with Lee over here getting them in fucking tip-top shape.

Look at them. We're in training. We're going for 10-star. We're going for a thousand milligrams on my birthday. Walk around the casino with one arm. I love you guys. Thank you for listening. One beautiful podcast with my little brother, Lee Syed. Have a great weekend. We'll be back Monday

with Mike Dowd. Thank you very much. Have a great weekend. This show is brought to you by naturebox.com. Head to ninjabox.com slash Joey right now to get 50% off your first box. So it's also brought to you by headspace.com. Go to headspace.com slash joey and download the free Headspace app and begin their Take 10 program. And go to honor.com. Use code word church to get 10% off all other great optimization products.