The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #360 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt with George From MMA Junkie

Episode Date: March 7, 2016

George, Host of MMA Junkie Radio, calls into Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt about what happened at UFC 196. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout Club W. Go to www.clubw.com/joey to get 50% off of your first order of wine curated just for you 
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Recorded live on 03/06/2016.


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dot com slash joey to get 20% off of your first order and shipping is always free in the u.s and canada and go to onit.com and use co-word church to get 10% off all their good optimization products like alpha brain and new mood bam what the fuck is going on monday morning march 7th 2016 and you're still sitting there like a fucking mook waiting for somebody hit you on the fucking had it's March already. What the fuck are you waiting on? No, it's March already. March fucking seventh.

And people are still sitting... I talked to a friend of mine the other day. Well, they haven't called from that job. That was fucking January. That was fucking six weeks ago January. It's my... I'm sorry to some people. A lot of people are pissed off about the music,

I was telling you the other day, we have to change this around. Did you come up with a solution so these people know? Here's the thing. If we change it, we have to go back to Ustream. And that's when we... We get the commercials and all you motherfuckers get pissed.

But they'll let us play music to open up and to close the podcast. Once it goes on YouTube, we have to cut it. We have to cut it. And here's the other thing. Eventually, I was talking to Jamie yesterday because every podcast is going through this right now because eventually someone's going to raise their hand. They have to with music. So we could go back to Ustream, but then there's commercials every few minutes.

and even if there aren't commercials, we need to find a way to maybe incorporate either some royalty-free music or have someone have other bands give us the permission to use their music because otherwise we're going to get hit. Eventually, this is going to make enough money for somebody to notice. All we ever talk about when musicians come on

is how the record labels are hurting for money. And this is a perfect avenue for them to find it. So it is a great part of the show, but it's we want to keep doing the show. You know, it scares the shit out of me because you don't know when they're going to pop up and go, hey, you use this song of ours in 1984, whatever the fuck, and now we're getting sued or whatever. I don't know how it works. But it was such a part, like, I don't know. It described the podcast where it was going. Absolutely.

Yeah. Like, I'd be driving around all fucking day, and all of a sudden I'd go on and I walk into the house. I'm not going to lie to nobody. And I hear a song on a movie. And I go, that's the fucking song for tonight's podcast. You just know it. I hated forcing music. I wanted the whole day or the whole night to think about music.

That's how important the music was to me. Because it just gives that fucking vibe. Monday morning, I wanted them to get that motherfucker Tuesday morning to be animal. ballistic type, you know, something just, you know, the song that, I got three or four songs that drive me crazy. Really? Every time you hear him? Achilles' last dance. Okay.

Anything, Aerosmith sometimes? Like, it just pumps me up in the morning. Like, Sabbath, bloody Sabbath, twice gets me gone. And you never get sick of it? Never. 40 fucking years still haven't gotten sick of it. Can you believe that? 40 fucking years.

Listen to that fucking music. Some of that shit even longer. You know, once I got hooked on music, seven or eight, and you start learning lyrics, and I went through the different types of music, Spanish music growing up, then I went to rock and roll music. Does that ever fuck you up? Like, do you ever get high and think, I've been listening to this song for four decades? Like, that's crazy.

You know me, dog. I hold on to shit like herpes. So if the song works, like for me, half that music kept me alive. Like, I'm not kidding you. I'm not kidding you. I wish I was lying to you. So, like, do you mean, like, if that song didn't exist, you would have committed suicide? Like, what do you mean when you say that?

You know, from the ages of 15, 14 to whatever, I was just confused as every other kid. Now I had no dad, drugs. Menza Morton home life. There was a lot of love, but it was a men's armort. It wasn't like your home life. Yeah, I had a nice neighbor. and people watched Dovey but it's not what you had

it's not what you had not that I had a bad life at home it wasn't just there was no dinners till later on there was no dinners you know we did dinners early on and it's just

we disintegrated we just became an atomic family and we stopped eating dinners except maybe twice a week we ate breakfast from time to time but never dinners and that's why I'm always home

for fucking dinner that's why when people contact me and like oh we have to be there at 5 it ain't gonna happen because if I'm not working, I can't do nothing between it because now you understand where that comes from. Got to be home for dinner because I know what it did to me. Absolutely.

When we were eating dinner, the house was grounded. When we stopped eating dinner together from my ages of the like, when I got out of Catholic school, which is 10 and 11 to maybe 15, it was too late. And I saw the difference. I see it now today. That's why I'm home for dinner every night. I eat dinner with them.

We're a family at 5 o'clock, no matter what the fuck is going on. If I'm not working, I'm eating dinner. I got no fucking excuse. My mom never even let a TV near where dinner was. No, no. Mercy tonight was playing with the fucking iPhone, my wife's iPhone, and she's not eating. She's just sitting there.

You know, she's three. But they become four, and they become five, and now it's a fucking habit. So she only is allowed to have those games on the cell phone, like for an hour of fucking day. But for some reason, today she took it while she was. fucking eating. I was going to say something to my wife, but I can't. I can't say nothing to her because you know what I'm saying? I have to just be there more at that situation. Maybe my wife left the cell phone down and she saw it, you know, sometimes my wife has to walk around with it in

their pocket all day. Jesus. We both do, which is good. You know, it makes you check around more than leaving the fucking phone down. So, you know, she's just a three-year-old kid. She's a fucking phone. She's already seeing what people doing on it. She's better on that phone than I am. Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure she'll be old Gigi stuff. She goes to YouTube. She goes to YouTube.

She knows what button the press, and she does something, and then she starts scrolling through fucking four little monsters, jumping under bed. One fell off and bumped this. She'll watch those all day long, all creatures, different types of lyrics. Jesus Christ.

It's the same fucking song, you know. But listen, if the phone's not on, she'll go on the fucking computer herself. Okay. She calls her pew pooter or some shit. She'll come in there and make me set it up for her. And then after about 10 minutes, first she's sitting on my lap and she's huggy-feely.

Then she gets up and she's really excited. Then she gets to a point where she realized she don't need me and she goes, Daddy, up. And she'll sit in my chair and tell me the fucking son of the bed. And what did she just show you videos? Yeah. She'll giggle by herself like a moron, like some fucking wackadoo and watches those fucking YouTube

videos of songs and kids. They're instructional videos. It's not like she's watching porn. I mean, it's about colors and, you know, dragons and dinosaurs and songs. And, you know, what's the people on the fucking bus go round, then round, round, all that shit, only with horror people. You know, sometimes she watches it with normal people and the baby. Sometimes she watches it with ghouls and ghosts or whatever.

What was that one that we were watching? And it was like... She was yelling bingo. Yeah, and there's, like, dead animals with, like, brains coming out of it. And she's singing bingo and shit. You know, I don't get involved. If YouTube got it and says, kids, what am I going to do? I don't see nobody fucking up the ass or nothing, so I'm all right.

You know what I'm saying? I watch all that shit with her as much as I can watch it because you have to watch. You got to see what they're watching. I ask her questions. You know, you've got to ask her stupid fucking questions. So she knows. I try to talk to a lot more than my wife in a different tone, you know. I try to talk to like somebody would talk to on the street.

You know, not curse words or nothing. I just try to talk to it. Not like a dad. Not like a fucking dad. Why do you make that choice? Because I wanted to be conversational. My mom would talk to me. My mom was very conversational at you.

As a child, that's how you could tell of. You're very conversational. You know, say hello, Lee. Lee, shy. Fuck, Lee being shy. Look at this motherfucker before I backhand you. Yeah, I was never allowed to be shy. Yeah, no, you can't be shy.

Look at him. Shake your hand. Tell her how nice a dress look. And my mom would always engage me in conversation. And, you know, I didn't remember that shit five years ago. I remember it now while I have a child. How much she engaged me. She always engaged me.

And she always talked to me in Spanish, and she'd mix it up. You know, and she'd talk to me. And that's big. You got to talk to them. And not talk down to them. Talk to them. So they get confidence. I'm not looking to talk down to her.

I'm looking to talk to her at hell level. Pa, blah, pa. Ask her stupid fucking questions. So she answers me. play fucking stupid like she's Joe genius you know what I'm saying that's red no shit I didn't know that whatever you know you just talk to them that's the most important thing about having a child just talking to them keeping them fucking engaged letting them know you know what's going on and they you know it's just weird like I just think about what the mistakes they made with me dinner and

that once they get older you got to be there at three you got to be there to welcome them in three o'clock don't give them that two-hour window that two-hour windows when I did everything. I got my dick sucked. I dry humped. I made formulas. I drank cocktails. I lifted weights. I did everything in that two-hour time period. They would try to come home to catch me. My mom would try to come home like a fort. They were always late, though. So I always had the time to clean up my mess. Even I would just take the doors off the closet and put them on three chairs and use it as a bench press. Like, I would do shit like that when I was a kid. I was that type of retard. But that's it's kind of weird how you spent your entire adolescence trying to do the to do that stuff like dry hump and drink or whatever you're doing.

And now you're planning on ways to fuck up your kid doing that. And it's it's just crazy how like you learn like you give your parents a little bit more slack probably. You talk you think back about your life and you think about the gaps you had. Right. You think about the things you did and where you did them and how you did them. I was told him a friend of mine once, maybe 15 years ago. This guy, guys, is one of the coolest motherfuckers you ever met. If I'm 50-something now, he's got to be 60.

He was a lot older than me, and I'm lying to you guys. Maybe 20 years ago. And his daughter had just graduated college. Okay. And he moved her one day. He helped him move. Something happened. He helped to fucking move.

And there were books. And I guess there were paperwork. paperwork like this like a piece you know like pieces of paper right folded and when he opened them it was letters from her girlfriend talking about when they took on three guys and you know so he's he called me and he goes I need to talk to you real quick he goes you see my daughter I lived in Boulder at the time I didn't know where he was coming from with this now I used to go to this restaurant constantly it was my home base I borrowed money there. I lent money there. I knew the baker real well. I knew them. I had a tab there.

They were just beautiful people. I just became friends at the owner on Facebook. And I used to talk to her there. You know, I saw her there every day for two or three years. Every day I go, and she'd say, hi, Uncle Joey, and I go, what's up? Where's your dad? She'd go, what do you think he is working? And I go, how are you doing? How are your grades? She played basketball. We went to a couple games. She got in a school play. We went to a couple fucking plays, you know, I knew this fucking kid. So when he came to me, he had tears in his eyes. And he's like, do you think she's this type of person?

And I go, from what I've seen, dog, I think in the two years I've known, I've never seen it with a cocktail on hand or nothing. This chick was doing blow, and, you know, they were doing men. There were young kids, you know. And you're sitting there as a parent going, when does she have time to do this? Well, my friend, what are your hours? I leave the house at nine, and I don't get home until seven o'clock at night. night. I go, when you get home at seven, where was she in her fucking room? Would you talk to her?

She told me she don't want me to bother her. So you leave in her room by herself. Do you tuck her in? Do you go in there and talk to her and do you check on in the middle of the night? There ain't a night that I don't check up on mercy. There ain't a night I don't open up that door when I come home and look at my wife. My wife don't even know it. I'm 300 pounds. I walk in the house. I got wooden floors. I walk through there, I open up the door. I tuck her in. I put the blanket on mercy. I do that because of those things. So you didn't tuck her in at 2 o'clock.

You didn't know if she snuck out in the middle of the fucking night. So what are you saying? But do you think that doing all of those things would actually make a difference? Because here's the thing. They might not do it as young, but you could still do coke or do it later. You could do it at night. Okay, I'm talking about up to fucking 16. Okay, up to 16.

I did Coke maybe one time before she died. But I'm talking about from the time I was 11 to maybe 15, okay? They'd get home at 5. I had two hours. It only took me 15 minutes to walk home from 3 o'clock. I could be home by 3.15, take my sweater off, drop my notebooks off, make a fucking iced tea, make a ham and cheese sandwich, and I'd be out the fucking door.

Okay. It started when I was 11 walking down to the train station. They didn't know. They didn't know. They thought I was playing fucking football basketball. I don't blame him. I told them I was going to the park. They trusted me.

What did I do? Me, Michael Special, Dominic, John Bender, you know, 30 fucking kids, Mike Olson. We'd walk down to the trains. And they taught me how to fucking rob those trains. You could rob a fucking train and be home for dinner at 5 o'clock and nobody would know nothing.

Okay, so let's pretend that. Let's just start there. Where were you? We were down by the track playing baseball. You think they're going to go down to the fucking tracks? We almost didn't make it to the tracks. It was a mile walk into the fucking bushes of Seacorkis, New Jersey, and that swamp fuckingville.

And we'd walk back with punks, those things that you like, and they'd take the mosquitoes to go away. Oh, right, right, right. And we'd knock on door to door and sell them for a dollar apiece. That's the little hustlers that hang out with. Then we started getting motorcycles. And my mom would say, where do you ride that motorcycle? when I'd say up in the woods, Schutzen Park,

there's a thing up there, and you could drive your motorcycle behind them, and every once in a round, the guy's name was butcher, and he'd come out with a knife and a dog, and he'd chase your German. It was a German, a bunch of Nazis, Schutton Park.

They still have parties up there and stuff like that, but there was a thing behind there called a soccer field. Yeah, when I first got the motorcycle, it was great to ride your motorcycle circles around the soccer field like a fucking Momo. It was great. But one day, your friend's like,

hey, dog, don't you ride down by the tracks? No, I didn't even know, about that. Do you know what I would fucking if you came to me right listen you're my brother I love you Lee I care about you you know you got a mom you got a dad they're gonna call me something and say what I don't want to want to hear that so when you came to me and talked to me about a bicycle how red did my face get when John Bud showed up to kettlebell class the other day I was fucking I had to call him and apologize because I really got on him like I love you guys I'm not worried about you Leah you're intelligent I know you could ride a bike when I walked

I remember seeing my wife to school in the morning. You know how many accidents? I almost see. A thousand. Do you have any fucking idea? That's why I had to Uber here last time because I'm, it's scary. It's a hungry. It's scary.

So when I went off, I need that there by a bicycle, it's not like, you want to get in shape. Jesus Christ, the bicycle's great. Not around here. Nope. You want to put it on your VW and drive to the mountains and ride the paths like a normal human being and run over snakes and get a sun tan and still put on a helmet and still be concerned and responsible.

But you don't have, you know, you don't have 60% of people in cars smoking pot. Another 10% of texting. Yeah, I think it's higher texting. Okay, I'm just giving you dumb. And we've reviewed these numbers. These are like Joe D. and stupidity numbers. They've got to be higher.

So if 75% of people are stoned and half of them are texting, you really want to be on a bicycle? It would worry me at no end. Okay. One of my story is that I used to take a motorcycle. And right across Tunnelie Avenue, which even 30 years ago was death, even 40 years ago was death. There was trucks and cars. And then we rode down Patterson Plank Road, which is like a bunch of lumps.

Your motorcycle would shake from hitting the train tracks and the broken concrete. Like it would be horrible. And you're riding with and against traffic at this point. Then we'd stay on there until we hit Route 3. If we saw a cop, we were dead. Now this is all illegal with dirt bikes with no plates on them, with helmets. And then we'd shoot into that fucking swamp. Stolen dirt bikes, by the way.

No, some of them were paid for. We'd shoot into that fucking swamp and ride another mile or two. And sometimes we ride all the way to River Road by Changes Dragon Inn is. From my house in the back roads, you came out there. And there was a motorcycle stand by Richfield Park and a Dairy Queen. We'd get a dairy queen, a container of pork fried rice. and we get back on that fucking motorcycle and right back to our houses

at 13, 12 years old. If my mother ever knew that she would take that motorcycle and shove it up my fucking ass two times. You understand me, Lee? Can you imagine that you risked your life for pork fried rice? At that age, we didn't know. We were just riding bicycles.

We weren't sons of anarchy. We were just riding bicycles, Lee. We were fucking kids. But I sit back now and I go, a thousand things could have happened. Before I left the house in my Jersey City, two kids, In North Bergen, a runaway car hit two kids yesterday, and last Monday, a mother and her daughter got iced in West New York, and I hit and run. You know, you got to be careful when you're walking.

I tell people all the time, you got to pay attention to everything. I pay attention to everything. I walk those women to school for two reasons. A, I get in shape. I walk them after breakfast, and B, I walk, but we walk strategically. We cross the street. walk on the oncoming traffic. I stay on the outside.

I'll take the car here for my wife and my daughter. So I stay on the outside. We walk in front of the fire station, and we walk all the way down. We make the ride at the school. Did your mom do that? My mom did that from the time I was born. The men always have to walk on the edge of the sidewalk.

Like, every time, she still does it. If we're ever walking and I'm not doing that, she'll move, she'll physically move me and put me down. It makes a difference. Those two hours I learned how to do. So many evil things in those two hours. And not evil. You know, okay, after the motorcycle concussion,

then I was old enough to get a girlfriend. And we started to dry and listen to music. I didn't get my dick sucked. I'm not going to lie to nobody. We were dry humping up there. I think after a year, she showed me a tit. No, we were harmless. That was one part of it.

And then once that ended, I became a karate guy. So I went home, did homework. Once I got left back and shit, I became a little bit more responsible. But once the eighth grade came, ninth grade, I started smoking pot. Those were the hours where I'd go home. I'd roll my joints. I'd take the seeds out. I'd weigh my pot.

See, but here's the thing. Like, how did you get away from your mom finding out when you got home? Because that's why I would never do it. My mom was home most of the time, but you got a job when I got older. There you go. Your mom was home. But your mom, I had a two-hour window, so I knew if I got hired three. 3.15. By the time she got home, I'd already eaten fucking half a pound of everything. I would put vizine in my eyes. I wouldn't smell like weed. But I can't lie to you guys. At that age, I wasn't doing that. I wasn't doing that at all. I was just weighing the pot, getting it ready for that night. You know, on the phone. I was gambling for a while in the eighth grade. You know, again, stupid. Me and Whitey O'Donnell, 1750, five-time.

parleyes. Okay. Again. You're saying this, like, this is nothing. No eighth grader knows what a five-time parlay is. It has a bookie who's a high school teacher or whatever. At that time, it wasn't a high school teacher. It was one of Whitey's uncles who took our bets or some shit.

Like five. That's any more normal having an uncle. Five-timers. But we didn't do nothing over five times. Five-timers, by the way, it's $25. $25 if you lose. $30 if you lose. So we would bet two times on the Knicks.

$10, me and Whitey would bet $5 each. You know, in 1977, $10 was a lot of fucking money. For $6, I got an album. For $1495, I got lobster fraiablo with shrimp and lobster tails and a glass of wine, like, oh, Godot, you know, all that shit. It's gross. So, you know, it was different, but we paid $5. We used to bet $5.

Where did you even get money at $8? My mom. My mom had the bar. I would shoot over there, full up some buckets. You were using your allowance to bet? Sure, sure. And if I got in a hole,

I'd make up a story and tell any of 10 bucks. I had a teenage mutant ninja turtle's piggy bank until, like, probably right around that time. And you were fucking, are you serious? My stepdad, after I got arrested, well, for years, my stepdad put away money, and he hit under the bureau.

He used to hit this fucking Getus under the bureau And one day I happened to catch him Throw it under there Like oh, that's my dough Right So I would hit it for like tens Twenties from time to time And then he would get pissed off

He knew it was me This is a dude who would hide guns Around the neighborhood Just in kidding You're stealing $10 for no reason Why not? What was he going to say to me? What was he going to fuck?

Give me my fucking $1,000 back What are you doing? I used to torment his life. He had this change jar filled with silver dollars and quarters. One day he's like, he started yelling. He's like, oh, there's nothing but pennies in there.

I fucking mugged everything. I took every sting of silver out of that thing. It was like a thousand bucks. It was a big cheevers bottle, like a big one. And where were you, like, were you using it to buy candy or what were you doing with it? It's going out at night. Getting Carvel

milkshakes and going to movies and shit. I don't fucking know Lee. I wasn't drinking. It wasn't like I was doing that type of stuff. Not at all. I was just... Carvel milkshakes. Just like a big shot.

Like Carvel milkshakes on. $1.50? Come on. Let me buy your milkshake. Oh, my God. No, that was it. You got an allowance, but I made money if I went to the bar.

And if I stayed at the bar at night, I made even more money because the bookies would come in and they would get drunk. And they'd go, hey, come here. How you've been doing in school? Good here. It's $20. Go buy your stuff. So for a shirt on me or something.

And my mom would say, don't get money no more, but they would still give me money. That's awesome. Like, I'm surprised you didn't go to the bar every night for at least an hour. No, I would go on Fridays and Saturdays. So you didn't wear them out? No, I would never wear them out. And I'd play congas, and they put little dollars in the hat and shit. I used to rock, dog.

You got to rock. When you want to rock, you got to roll. You got to roll as a kid. You got to wash cars. But I still think about those two hours, Lee. and I still think about I dread those two hours like I always say with mercy

I'm going to pay for all the sins I did usually do with your children so I think about how you could get involved you can't creep on your kids but you could just get involved you get involved let me tell you something

and I'm going to look at you in the face and tell you this little honesty I didn't want them involved your parents I didn't want my mom involved no kids do I didn't It was embarrassing.

She always spoke Spanish and yelled in Spanish. You know, I just didn't want her involved. She would blow a little thing out of fucking proportion. So I just felt it was best. So in my world, but it's not my world. It's their world. So if my daughter comes to me and says, Dad, I don't want you to do this.

It really doesn't matter what you want me to do what you don't want me to do. When you're fucking 18 and you could pay the bills in this house, then you tell me what the fuck they do. Right now, You're in my goddamn roof. That doesn't mean I'm Fidel Castro, but that means I still have to be involved. I still got to drive you.

I still got to pick you up. A lot of weird shit happens out there. And in my head, do you know the shit that plays out in my fucking head, Lee? You have no fucking idea. Like bad scenarios, or what do you mean? Always. Always.

You got to figure I got abandonment issues. My mom died and the old man died when I was three. Something's not right in there. I worry about all my friends. friends. I worry about when I go to shows, you know, right now, Bob Lalingis, his dad's having surgery

and shit, you know, and it's in the back of my mind because he's a friend of the shows. He's a friend of the fucking shows. You know, there's nights I come up in Laurel Canyon and I drive by your place purposely. I don't even know where you live.

I know the building, but if I see somebody creeping, or I see a fire, I know Lee, you know I always drive by Yassie's. I drive by Felicia's. I know she's a single mom with two boys. There's no lights on that block. I always drive by Felicia Michael Sous.

In fact, I stopped over there the other day. Really? Yeah. A friend of mine called me and had my wife's car. And I was coming back from Perennial from the weed store. And I was on her block. And I couldn't talk. It wasn't hands free.

So I had my wife's car. So I pulled over to talk to my friend in Jersey. And I realized I was talking to him for 20s' door. minutes, number one, number two, I was two houses down from Felicia. So I didn't want to think I was peeping on her. Oh, okay. So I knocked on the door. I went in, talked to her.

She came out. We smoked half a bow. I gave her hug and I left. It was great to see her. That's awesome. It was great to talk to. It was great to talk to him about comedy. She's really smart when it comes to comedy.

And she's very a good writer. And I got to be honest, you, I miss her at time. I like women around me. I miss her at times. It was really good scene. I saw it at the store like three weeks ago and we chit-chatted for an hour or two. I saw at the coffee shop one morning,

getting coffee, and she sat with me for a while, so it's nice to see it, man. She's a great lady. She's not traveling as much because of the boys. Her boys are at that age. And again, you know, she had a problem with the boys for a while. One of them was smoking, blah, blah. And she said it.

She goes, I had to be home a little more. And I said to it, remember we had this discussion three or four years ago? It's like a cop. Wasn't when my dad was here, didn't we talk about police? Like just controlling? Visibility. Right, yeah. In the neighborhood, you know, if I don't know the cop, I'm not going to have a relationship with him.

No. But if I know it's office of Syatt, let's say your dad was a cop. And every day when I drove by, one day he pulled over and he talked to me and I'd see him every day. He's Officer Syatt. And pretty much have a relationship with Officer Syed. And that goes two ways. If there's a problem in the neighborhood, something I see. I could call Detective Sayyat and say, Detective, I saw something on my neighbor.

He'll come over. We'll talk. And he'll go, thank you for calling me, man. Thank you for having me. Somebody gives me a prom. Somebody parks in front of my house for fucking six weeks. I could call Detective Syatt and say Detective Syatt. You follow me?

We don't have that no more. But it's the same thing as parents. Just the visibility. And just knowing they're there. Let's pretend that your father doesn't work from three to five. And I go to you bring the gun over. That gives you time to go to your house, get the, your dad's gun, and bring it over and show it to me.

If your dad was home or your mom was home, you wouldn't sneak the gun out. Little things, Lee, trust me. Little things. You had your mom at home at 3 o'clock, right? Yeah, for the majority of my life. Like middle school, high school, she had to go back to work. But by then, but here, that's why I was saying, like, I had, maybe it's because when I was younger, I had her there, but I didn't do any, like,

I never snuck out, really. Like, I never did any of that. But me, I, it's, uh, is it tough to, because you don't want to be the strict parent that nobody likes, because you obviously want mercy to like you. You know, man, a couple of years ago, you and I had a conversation. I know for a fact you didn't like the conversation. Made you a better person. It made you a better worker, and you became more aware of that conversation. I wasn't lying to you. It's tough to talk to anybody.

Whether it's a child, it's your child, a friend. It's very tough to look somebody in the eye at any level and go, this is what you need to do, dude. And I would never say it to nobody unless I knew, unless I was there. I've been there. You know, what do you think? I don't want the most for the least. Are you fucking crazy?

I'm just like you. If I didn't have to, if I could send a dummy of me to a town to sit on stage and like a programmer from the house to do material and jokes and shake hands, I would fucking get on a plane and a dummy would cost me like 40% of my take. I'd think about it.

Because I want to sit at home. Nobody wants to fucking work. I don't know. No one wants to do anything. But the same thing with children. You know, when you walk into the living room and there's the fucking, their shoes and their dish in the living room, you're going to keep picking it up? No, you've got to say something to them. If they get offended, you go listen to the next time.

You're not going to go outside and play. They do it again. Now you've got to stick to your fucking word. And eventually they'll pick that fucking plate up every day. Talking to nobody, talking to anybody is tough. This is what I just said to you with my wife. There's things I can say to my wife. There's things I got to bite my tongue.

And she's got to find that for herself, the way I found out for myself. I finally understood what you meant about Subway today. What happened? Because I went there, just, and here's what I figured out. You don't ever tell anybody, sometimes you do, but not really. You don't ever tell anybody exactly why you want them to do something. And you've said it before. Like, you came from a place where if they told you to do something, you're not supposed to do it,

and you're not supposed to ask questions. the issue with Subway is, yeah, everyone goes, and yeah, sometimes the sandwiches are okay. But it's about taking, like, the extra time and to get something so much better. I just went to Subway, and it was just, like, the line was long, and then they put... I ask for a little bit, like, one tiny line of mayo, and she puts, like, a huge squirt over everything. And puts, like, eight pounds of that brown lettuce. And I was just, like... And I was, like, 10 bucks.

And I was like, well, yeah, everyone can, you can go to Subway, and it's not the worst thing you can eat. But it's take the extra 10 minutes, make sure you go to Ralph's and have like a much better sandwich. And put the effort in and then it rolls over until like the rest of your life. Like that's what I'm, that's what I've been noticing recently is that when you put a little bit more in, right, not right away, even though it feels like at, at, Like a shitty thing to do, even though it's not the easiest thing. It pays off a lot later. And it's hard to see that early on.

Everything you do, you're punching in. I make it easier for everybody. You're always punching in, people. You're always punching in. Okay? Once this got broken down to me, it changed my life. Everything you do is because you're punching in, and the check is going to come. It's not going to come today.

But it's going to come. Every day you punch in, and you punch in to give it 150%. If you walk down the street and you see a piece of paper, you pick it up. Whether you dropped it or not, pick it up. Pick that fucking piece of paper up. You punch yourself in. You know, when I did that fucking lawyer, thievery shit, where you do the fake falls and you go to a doctor, the guy looked at me and he goes, listen, every time you go to a doctor,

every time you're punching it there's a payday he goes it's costing you four dollars today to park but in a year when i'm giving you a check for 50 000 you're punching it i didn't break that down to crime i broke that down the life you're always punching in man and it's so weird it took me to 45 to find out i wish somebody would have broke it down for me at 32 and i'm still not perfect i'm just saying like i've been nobody's perfect nobody's perfect that's why those little fucking things. Those little things twisted around.

The good mornings to people, the fucking, I used to wake up in a bad mood. What did you get you? You even get to those people. I don't talk to nobody to a little.

Go fuck your mother. Don't talk to nobody. You're missing. Fucking beautiful. You're missing beautiful. What are you talking about? When I got locked up, people like,

they say you're too friendly in the morning. What do you want me to be? Sad Gus? You want me to be like a mafia leader? Like thoughtful? And what the fuck is wrong with people? People ask me a lot why I pick up the phone when you call me at six in the morning. Like, I could just let it go to voice mail.

How good every time do we have? How good every time do we have? Because I'm on fire at six in the morning. I haven't talked to nobody in eight hours. Maybe the cat for a little while. I'm on fire. And we're goofing on Jews and how you got to act. And if you're going to be a Jew, you got to be at attention.

Your shoes got to be shine. We just go back and forth and giggle. And that's it. You're up. You just woke up fucking. fucking laughing. Yeah. Oh my God.

I just woke up fucking laughing. How good is my day gonna fucking be? And you're eating breakfast and you're giggling about the conversation you had about the Auschwitz coins.

You know, we were fucking howling the other morning about Auschwitz coins and we say the dumbest shit. What we need to do is tape the 6 a.m. phone call and sell it every week for a dollar.

Because that's the only thing I will charge people for is that 6 a.m. phone call. Because the pearls that come out of us They're brilliant And we forget him We forget it Sometimes you go

Jesus Christ You said that thing About Jews this morning We forget what the fuck We talk about That's prime time When somebody calls you I think that's where you came up

With Auschwitz foot Yeah Where the fuck do people call you Who calls you at 6th of the morning Throwing heat at shit Nobody Whether I call Ralph I called

Some kid came to my Vegas show That I shot a movie with And I got the numbers Fucked up When I called them up And I'm like I'm sorry I'm waking up.

I'm saying, no, no, no, no, no. I heard you wake up early. I fucking started howl it. He's a young kid from Australia. He was the boxer and raging bull, too. Oh, okay. So he lives here now, but he came to the show Friday night. So you kept calling him and I fucking passed out.

The show was great, by the way, at the MGM with Joe. Yeah. It looked like a fun place. A lot of people. I'm 300 pounds for a fucking reason. You know, I'm not 300 pounds because I fucking eat good all the time And I ate great all those years

Lee You know When I was a broke comic I had to eat What the fuck I had to eat I told you I ate a thousand veggie and cheese sandwiches But I went back

Ten years later And I saw how bad it was In 95 Subway was fucking good The lettuce was good Then something happened They did something with the bread Okay?

I'm done you I used to eat it on the road all the time I'm not here to line Nobody I used to eat burger King, those chicken things from Burger King. Those long chicken sandwiches? The fucking chicken sandwiches?

I used to eat those Wendy's. In 1982, I would eat one of those fucking a day, those chicken-colored sandwiches. So don't, don't, I'm not here to fucking point my finger. I'll still throw down a chicken sandwich from Wendy's if I have to. I had a quarter pound of the end day with the baby, fucking delicious. You know, if I go there, I got to take them there at least once a month. I got to take that. My wife gets happy the baby's happy

You know so what do I sit there like a deaf mute I did go there one Friday with him I didn't eat meat And I just sat there because I won't fucking break one of those fish sandwiches No you can't eat a fish filet Oh no I won't eat those fish filets But Listen The Palmer right up the corner here Palmer whatever

Okay Would I ever take you there? No I never took you up here on Lancasham Boulevard over by victory A block up this fucking this There's Armenian But it used to be an older Italian deli.

No, you've taken me to the one on Magnolia with George the German. Herman the German. Okay. But no, not that one. Okay, this is a different one. Okay. This is up on Lancashire Boulevard. It's in a horrible part of town.

And you go in there and they got a fucking brisket, a Jew. They got fucking great Italian sandwiches. No way. We and Terry used to eat up there twice a week when we moved to Hollywood to North Hollywood. Twice a week for the first fucking year. Ask her Ask her They got sauces, sandwiches

And the guy will tell you Don't eat it Don't eat it today It's not good Don't get this Don't get that No no don't get that Don't get that

Don't make you Specialty sandwiches They got nice bread They got nice macaroni salad They give you two sides They got potato salad They got potato salad They got potato salad

They give you two sides A sandwich And a fucking Soda Fucking 695 This is why I say to you Why do you go to cellboy

Oh shit There's my brother right there What's up? How's it going? Good, on the radio, on the phone Is my brother George, remember me a junkie One of the hosts Of the many that they have

With goes and the other big white dude The cool motherfucker What's going on, George? How are you, my friend? Man, I'm doing all right, thank you. George, let me ask you Let me ask you a question How are you doing?

When you and your, how many children in your family? Okay. Anybody ever get on the bad side? You and your brother? I mean, when you guys were kids, you two, anybody made a couple of mistakes or anything? Have him or I made mistakes? Yeah, did you get arrested for DUI?

Did you rob a bicycle? Did you break a fucking window when you were 17? Did you, you know? Well, yeah, I mean, I guess of the two of us, I probably was more mischievous. but I I don't have a record and neither does my brother

luckily we I don't know like he was never really a bad kid so he never had to sweat it I did a few things here and there but I guess I was I had some street savvy to me you know

about as bad as it got man oh we were talking about parenting how with me it was I always felt that that gap between three and five when my parents weren't home was when I always got into trouble you know I always went lurking where I wasn't supposed to be at the house,

shit like that. So I just, Lee and I were just talking about parenting. That's it. And if your parents were home all the day. Yeah, you know, I'll tell you what, my dad set the tone pretty early.

And I would say my mom did more, like, the parenting as far as, like, staying on top of us for our chores and school. But, you know, if at any time we're out of line, she'd call my dad and a couple spanking from him, man.

he had big forearms, big hands. So he set the tone very early in our age to not mess around, you know. And it works. I got to tell you. It really did. So I guess when we did do something, we really, really thought it out, you know, because I was really scared about the cops, honestly. Or the principal or whoever I was going to deal with, whatever authority figure was in my life.

I was not worried about them. I was worried about my dad and catching an asshole. so yeah I would say had he not took a tone maybe I would have got sloppy or maybe I wouldn't have cared or what but I really do have him to think for that I'm happy that everything worked out for you Coxson I'm still scared of my parents my parents are are not super young anymore but I'm still scared of them

it's a crazy thing you're still respectful of them yeah a little bit scared of those too my parents got started young I would probably revert back a little bit let's talk about the U.S.C. Saturday. I'm sorry, go ahead, George. No, I was just going to say, I think I'm more scared to let them down. Absolutely. You know, if anything, it's just I want to respect them,

and I do talk back, I guess, from time to time, just because I think they want to treat me like I'm still six years old, and I'm 46 years old, so I got to check them from time of time. But, you know, I have my limits. I don't really cuss up there or anything like that. and disrespect them. I guess I'm just more scared of letting them down. Now you have to respect your parents, man.

I hung out with very few people. There was one guy I grew up with that I had to spend a few months with and I saw how he treated his parents and I'll tell you what, he was a good guy, but I never really had communication much with him after that. And he called me about a year ago to tell me that his dad had died. And by his dad dying, he got to realize what I was going through at that age and he wanted to apologize

and he apologized about him fucking karate chopping his dad in front of me and shit when we were 18 he karate chopped his dad with his cane it was horrible George he took the cane from him just hit him with it I almost died

I shit in my pants I just fucking threw him against the wall I was like I didn't even know what to do and he said no we do this all the time he goes two years ago my father punched me in the fucking mouth you know they were animals but I was never raised around and you hitting your dad

that you weren't right to fucking hell in my world picking up the stick and hitting your fucking dad that's crazy white people shit you know what I'm saying and the fact he lived in he lived in Sarasota Florida

at the time that's when I was hiding out for robbing the jewelry and here I am in the house where the guy hits his fucking dad punches him they would fist fight fuck you

I was like I can't live in this shit I just never I just never even had heard of that like and the day he picked up to and his dad wasn't old he had like a walking stick you know old guys they have those walking sticks the dad would walk and him and the dad got into an argument the fucking door went and he took the fucking walking stick and just hit his dad with it dog i was sitting right there my heart stopped i was like this is crazy florida shit i had the neighbors across the street who uh it was a single mom a boy and a girl and

They would cuss at each other. And, you know, Orange County is a little bit south of L.A. It's just a little bit more conservative. And I remember all the kids came out of the houses, and we were all just like a disbelief because none of us could really do that to our mothers or fathers. And this kid, you know, they were only there for a couple of years. They were in. They were out.

But, man, they had some liquor arguments. I only want to add, too. You don't mind. I know you guys want to get to Saturday stuff because yesterday, yeah, yesterday stuff because yesterday was pretty nutty, man, the sport of the LMA, but let me say this. One thing I thought about not too long ago was I had an argument with my dad once.

It was like in 97 or 98, and it wasn't even that big of a deal. In fact, I barely almost remember why it was. But regardless, we got in an argument. We didn't talk for a year. And you wouldn't believe how stupid I feel when I think about that. You know, like I really thought I took a stand and I guess he was the stubborn old man

who was looking for the apology in the end the only ones that really hurt were my mom because, you know, not coming over for Thanksgiving and Christmas and then I guess that's when it hit me like, okay, I can't continue to do this while at least come over, but not talk to him, and then finally I realized

well, he's not going to say anything. He'd go to school, you know, it's going to have to be me, so. And to top it all off, he was the one at fall, but I thought about that. I thought about that quite a few times my life and it's not worth it man whatever it is hash it out and uh if you got to pick a bullet

you know and make sure there's always peace and harmony amongst your family amongst your close friends because at any time it can all go away we've seen it you know we've seen it we've seen it recently with some friends of ours in m-ma and every time you open yahoo or CNN or something you know somebody else was passing along so uh that would be my words of wisdom for the younger generation. Well, drop it on me. What happened, the N. I do? What happened last night,

Cocksucker? What happened? What happened? Talk to me? Last night, all right. So let's start with Nisha Tate and Holly home. You know, Holly, you know, she's coming off that big win over Rhonda Rousey. She wants to fight right away. She takes on Nisha Tate. But I'll tell you what. The same way we wondered if Rhonda could hang was a decorated striker, I think a lot of us wondered if Holly could hang with a decorated wrestler.

And so that's what allowed us to believe that Misha had a shot. But in reality, I think most of us were thinking, well, and Ronda can't do it. No one else can. Regardless who's got what strength or what skill set or anything like that. So there was some money to be made on Nisha if you wanted to take a gamble. But, you know, basically, Nisha had her work cut out. She'd have to take some punches, you know, close the range.

get her down, works with jujitsu, and, you know, the fight starts on the feet. You know, every five minutes they cut it off and you've got to start all over. It's not as easy as people think, and especially with Holly, because Holly moves around really, really good. She knows how to use her footwork, but she almost stopped her in the second round. But other than that, man, you know, Holly was having a field day. Two minutes to go, Holly slips up, boom, Misha gets her down, works the juxtu, and like the ninth inning rally.

she actually becomes the world champion. It was pretty legit, man. I think it refreshing things up a little bit in that division. For the women, Amanda Nuneer's got to win. I'm sure at some point, Rhonda will be back, Captain Donald will be back. So it's a lot more fun now than it was three months ago, but Ron, we've opened everyone back.

I mean, that was cool and all. Great pay-per-views for Zupa and lots of money for Rhonda, but, you know, for fans, it was like, come on, you know. I think we wanted to maybe freshen things up a little bit. And now that division's got a little bit more balanced and parity. And then, you know, just when I thought, well, that was going to be hard to talk fucking 209, Nick Diaz and Connor McGregor put one on for the H's. I really thought the Irishman was going to pull it off as soon as he got in Nick's face and in his space. And that's usually, excuse me, Nate's space.

And that's usually what Nate does. I thought, oh, shit, within about 30 seconds, I thought, this is over. Connor's gonna get him because Connor's too fast and he's hitting him really hard and he just doesn't seem like he's in the ball game And that damn that damn kid man he's tough as nails he weathered the storm And then the second round he actually got taken down by Connor which was a huge mistake But Connor by that point he was a little foggy he had gotten lit up so you know that was a That was it man, it was a rap two submissions then the night and it actually saved the paper view because I thought the two I thought the three fights before that, you know, the three fights to open up the paper

who were just boring, man, boring decisions. So I honestly was saying this is going to be like a C-minus type of paper. With those two fights that turned into one-eighth. You didn't like the Amanda Nunez fight? I thought that was, like, it wasn't the most exciting, but it seemed like a really, like, complete fight. I was really entertained watching that fight. Well, here's the thing, Lee.

Now, Latina is 57 and 1 in Muayai, and she's a decorated world champion. She's got three wins over the UFC Star Wars. champion Joanna Jandreich. So I'm thinking, Valentina's probably, you know, of the mindset, as long as if I don't go to the ground, I'm going to light Amanda Nia's up. And she never did that. She was really tentative. You know,

Amanda Nita was the one that was, if anything, she was the one that was more aggressive on the feet. She won the exchanges on the feet. I'm thinking Valentina, what are you here for then? You know, you're taking up a smile here, fight. When she does have a moment, you can tell us, she's pretty legit. She's got some skills, but I guess she got caught up, man. I don't know if she got

caught up with a strategy or Amanda's because she's on her side at that division. That was a great fight. That was a great fight. I thought it was a good fight, too, but I was action. I understand what Georgia's saying,

if that's what she does. Right, I didn't get that either. But it's, I thought the whole card was really great. You know what it was? It was like Anderson Silva all over again. Anderson Silva did not want to go to the ground with Michael Bisting.

He wants to strike. Okay, what they do for 25 minutes, they were on their feet. and Anderson Silva was 10 of this for three and a half minutes of every single round. Well, that's kind of what Valentin did is on a smaller level. It was only three rounds instead of five, and it wasn't a main event.

But still, she didn't utilize her skills. I think the fight, how about this guy? The fight could have been way better to what I'm trying to say. Right, right. I see what you're saying. No, no, no. I'm not in disagreeing with you at no level. I thought it could have been,

I thought that she shied up to also. I thought that the Shambalovich, whatever, her fucking. the name is, I'm sorry, I just not good with names. The chick who fought Nunez, I thought she was like holding back. She's like a kickboxer, right? Yeah, but she was holding back, but then did you see, like,

I think it was like the second round where she just fought off the submission. Wasn't it like on the, like, and she just didn't tap. It was great. Like, it was, that's crazy to watch, especially with women. And like, you would think, like, they might tap sooner, but they're tougher than anybody. No, man, they're tough.

They're in there fucking fighting. Oh, my. Now, who won the Lola fight? The other guy? Anderson. Anderson, now. Anderson won it. He wanted a lot of people to have Lala pulled two rams out.

Yeah, I thought it was... The judges had it 30-27. I thought it was a weird fight. And that went to a decision. What's that? I thought it was a weird fight. It said that Kori Feldman is waiting for either Daniel or Kormean. I'm like, uh, I think you better wait for a long fucking time.

Not what I saw last night. I mean, it was a good fight with Lola. Lawler's fucking huge. Lawler's huge. But he's undersized at 205, but yet 185, because it is 20 pounds. That jumps 20. The rest of them are 10 and 15, but that's a big jump. And he says at 85, the cut just kills him.

But at 205, he's leading up against, really? He's going up against heavy weights because Corey Anderson's cutting from like 225, 2.30 and rehydrating to the same amount. You know, Loller's weighing in like a 203, 204 dripping wet. So he literally is giving up a ton of size, and he almost pulled it off because he can throw hands, and he's hard to take down because he's a wrestler. But in the end, you know, nobody made a statement. Man Mnui has kind of made a statement, and luckily she called out Misha Tatea's at the press office,

but everybody else just kind of went through the motions, they cash the check, and that was it. You know, I think you guys do better than that, man. It's a pay-per-view. It's a Connor pay-per-view. There's another title fight there. Make a statement. Do something for your career. Why do you think they're giving Misha-Ti-Ti-Ti-A,

Ronda Rousey right away. I mean, it would make, when I heard that, when I saw that Misha won, I figured that Rousie would fight home, and then the winner of that would get Misha Tate. Because Zupa wants Ronda Rousey.

Okay. The best way to put it is Zupa makes a lot of money when Ronda Rouse is fighting, and they make even more money when she's the world champion. So they're not going to make her after having six or seven title defenses. have to run the gamut or jump into a tournament or anything like that.

They wanted a fast tracker and give her the Holly Home rematch. And honestly, she deserved it because of how dominant she was. But she needed to recover. You know, she got her asswops. She got movies in the making. Now I heard some of those projects may have fallen through. So who knows? Her timeline may have been pushed up a bit.

Well, before you called in, we... I think they just want her fighting for a title fight makes the money. Sorry, go ahead of me. Before you called in, we were talking about, like, putting in the work. for certain things. And it seems like there's a lot of memes going around that Dana White's upset

that Sage, Connor, and Rousey lost. And it seems like if the UFC put more in time to actually having the fights that people wanted and building good fighters, then it wouldn't be as much of a hit when these people lose. Like, the fact that McGregor lost

fucked a lot of shit up for them. And if they had had really good fighters, it wouldn't matter who won when it's a good fight. Like who is the, I forget, it was like a heavy one. It was like Big Nog versus somebody else last year that was just a brawl.

And it's just whoever will lose. Like, it doesn't matter who wins or lose. It's just a great fight. And it seems like when these big superstars lose, it like deflate, like they're just thrown away. So if they had better fighters, it would be better. I don't know. Yeah, they definitely need to create more stars.

And I think that's why you'll notice. Dana's not doing any scrum. He's kind of walking away from the press conferences. Now, some will say, well, there's a first class action lawsuit, so they've tried to minimize his role a little bit for the next couple years. Others are saying he's just set up. Others are saying he's taking away the spotlight and trying to put the spotlight on his athlete. Who knows, man?

Somewhere in there is the truth, but you're right, Lee, there's not enough new stars being created. Now, some of that is youthful's fault, probably 50%? percent, the other half is the athlete's fault. And the athletes and their representation, because if the athlete don't get it, then someone who represents them better get it. Otherwise, you're not qualified for the job. Because if you have a good athlete who's winning,

then you should be able to help them, you know, create themselves. I'll give you an example. People will say, well, some of them don't know English, like Jose Albo. Well, you know what? Claudio de Gidellia learned English. She's Brazilian. Habe Nemer Gamedov, he learned English. You know, he's Russian.

Yelana Jandrejic, she learned it, she's Polish, she's Polish, so it can be done, and if not, and get creative on social media. So I still put some of the blame on the athletes and so. I think that some of them feel like just because of the cash the paycheck, they're now a professional athlete and because of professional athletes, so we'll need to beckon at them. No, man, the work just started. You got to put the work.

That's what I admire about Connor McGregor. He builds the shit out of the fights. And yeah, he might cross the line, but it doesn't matter. He's cashing big checks. he's putting his life on the line, but in the end, and he's getting paid. Well, I want the other guys to start doing it. It looks like Nate Diaz kind of figured it out.

This may have been a torturous two-week run having to put up with the Irishman and all his antics, but in the end, I think he discovered something. You know, like, holy shit. I'm really good, and people really want to see me fight. So you know what? I'm going to do it, but now Zupa's going to pay me more and everybody's going to be happy.

So it's on both of them, man, promotion and fighters. What a real fairy tale just unfolded in front of our eyes. I'm going to be honest with both ears and everybody listens to this show. Two weeks ago, I didn't give a fuck about this card. Didn't give a flying fuck about it. I liked one person to win, Holly Home. I didn't give a fuck about this card. Did I want her to win, George?

No, but I didn't put any thought into the card. Do you know what I'm saying? Like I had so many things on my plate. I didn't really put thought into the card. I didn't know what to expect about Dosanos and fucking McGregor after I saw the other guy walking, Aldo walk into fucking Jesus, into Nazareth. You know, he walked right into Jerusalem. I saw him walking in going, oh, my God.

I just seen this motherfucker walk into the Den of Lions here. So I didn't know what, if they were going to poison fucking Dosanos. I still haven't seen a picture of Dosanos on crutches. That could just be somebody's, foot that's broken and they kidnapped Osanos a fucking week ago to milk this fucking project. Who the fuck knows what's going on? But I had no

interest in this. All of a sudden I see a foot on fucking Yahoo and they're looking for an opponent. I thought it was definitely going to be cowboy or I don't know. Who's the Australian? They always hire when he goes to Australia. You know, every time

that one white dude? What, Ross Pearson or something? I forget what his name is. Oh, no, he's British. Sorry. Whatever. There's an Australian guy. Cowboy's the one that made sense. I thought it was Cowboy, right? He took the camp, and he likes those turn around. Yeah, and I go, he likes those turn around.

Now, in my mind, I go, Cowboy would be good, but I go, he'd be perfect. Because that cowboy is a, cowboy has an underrated ground game that he's self good on his feet, that he doesn't really go to it unless, you know, he's got you all fucked up on, on fuck-up street. So, when else did I hit Diaz? Now the odds, I wake up two days later And the odds are out of their mind And I'm looking at this going Are you fucking crazy?

This is crazy That this kid, they're giving them so much Well, 12-day notice You know what? I know this kid's always in shape He's always doing that fucking geek shit They said he was training for a triathlet And now he was training for a triathlet

So the whole way in my mind I go, you know what? Just like Aldo and fucking RJ This guy's gonna be Jesus Jr. to fucking walk him down there to fucking get killed. But then something sparked me. I watched the countdown. And they said he had 21 UFC fights.

And I said, you know what? That counts for something. That counts for something. And I remember a couple of jihitsu submissions that he had. And I remember his legs and being lanky and maybe having the reach. Then I saw the press conference and he wouldn't pay attention. He kept telling him to fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck you. And they got into a fuck you match. And still at that point, I'm like, this is a scam. And all of a sudden, I get into the MGM Grand and I check into my room and I turn the TV on. And it's a fucking replay of the, the way in. I see, Misha Tate. That's where it starts.

Misha Tate and Holly Holmes. And then I watch McGreg. and whatever. Now I see Diaz doing to McGregor that stance what he did to Alto. And he left his hand out, but before that he flinched. Do you remember that?

Or after he hit his hand, he flinched. I do. Yeah, no. I remember he flinched. And, you know, went back. Got taken aback a little.

And right there I go, ooh, while Rogan's on stage, I'm going to take my fucking little ticket that I won from the, and I'm going to bet it all on Diaz. Why not? I got nothing to lose. Just like him.

And that's exactly what I told you Friday afternoon. I go, he's got nothing to lose. That's a scary person if you had nothing to lose. And you're right. 21 fights is something, man. 21 fights. That means he's gone through a lot of attrition. He's been to some tough spot.

And he had to dig deep because, early on, you know, Conner had a good beat on him, and Connor was, you know, he was really, really opening him up. He had a gas. He was starting to get bloodied. But, man, the BS brothers have a lot of hard. They don't have to break them that easily. That's where that experience kicks in.

I mean, you guys remember, he went up to $1.70 a couple times. It didn't go too well. Roy McDonald's. You always correct the jokes, Joey. Roy McDonald threw him up in the air so much with the poor kid needed parachutes, you know, were all those rough landings. And it's true, you know,

and that was made Biaz, as a lightweight going up to a welterweight. It was too much. Connemabregor was going from lightweight, and he was going up a weight class, and, you know, they had to come to an agreement to just do it at 1-7. I'll still call it a 55-pound matcher,

but still, man, there's something to those 10 pounds. It was 10-15 pounds. There's something to it. But it was crazy, like, just speaking of the way-ins, like, do you see those pictures of McGregor at the Aldo Wayne versus the pictures of him at this

way in, it really makes it seem like the weight cutting is scary. Like he looks like a skeleton. It's crazy to look at. And he was 168. I thought he was 158. When I heard 168, I said, that's not bad.

He's in the fucking ballpark. I mean, and the other kid was 169, so whatever, they had a couple milkshakes, whatever the fuck happened Friday night, I was, that's what, made me bet Diaz, though, was the flinch at the weighing. And it's funny because I did the same stupid shit. I took $150 and I bet whatever.

And I took the other $30 and I bet the over. And then I went up to my room, thought about it and came back down and bet another fucking three on fucking what's his name in the middle of the night. Because I'm a fucking savage. That's nice. That's almost like two jeans all the guess. Dog, I'm telling you. It was like stealing.

And I sat there and I didn't say nothing. I told my wife. I got back and she didn't say a word to me. And I sat there with her and I watched something that was beautiful. I watched something. I watched McGregor come out of his corner and come out swinging like a fucking savage.

I loved it. But then my wife was chit-chat. She kept saying, look at him. Diaz is doing the same shit he always does. And all of a sudden it just hit me like a light bulb. George, the fight slowed down. And all of a sudden, he played into Diaz.

He was getting sucked into Diaz. And even though he was getting Diaz's timing, he was getting sucked into that stupidity, that reaching, he was reaching and he was popping. And I'm watching this. And all of a sudden something happened that nobody else caught. At the end of the first round, he took him down.

For like a minute, he took him down. And he got back up, and I go, with my wife, I go, that just changed everything. Because when he goes in there, that's the first thing Shields is going to tell him, to take him the fuck down and start working his magic. So all of a sudden, the second round comes, and he's punching him in the fucking eye,

and blood's going everywhere. And this is getting great. I mean, I'm sitting there. I'm about to vomit, but I'm loving it. I'm loving it because he's not going down. You know what I'm saying? He's not going fucking down. And neither of mine.

I see blood usually and I fainted. Now I gamble And I'm fucking my adrenaline's up and shit I have my wife eight inches away from me I don't want to even close to me And all of a sudden he clocks him with that fucking shot And Rogan says And I got no glasses

I can't see none of that But that's when I get off and I get on my hands and knees And I'm looking at him And he starts popping him, popping him And all of a sudden It was like a $100 bill falling out of the sky You ever hear that story of St. Francis of a Sissy they had him in a court

and I'm about to fucking give him the death sentence and all of a sudden a note came through the hole and there was a note from God saying he was innocent it was just like that when he went for Diaz's legs I said to myself this guy just shot himself in the fucking head

yeah really right there as soon as I saw him go down I said it's over from him he just went into the lions then he just shot himself he just made a big mistake he's not recovering from this. And Nate's so fucking long.

You can get anything. And that's what I told you, the black belt and jihih Tzu. He should have no better than to go down to the ground. Well, I told you Friday on the phone. I said he's a blackbell in Jiu-jitsu. And not just a regular black belt, but he's good, quick, sneaky. And what did he do? He punched him in the head.

He lifted his head and he stuck his arm in there. And he, like Rogan said, he sliced through him like butter. Like, it was fucking nothing. And that's why I was trying. trying to explain to people on Twitter today that, listen, I'm a fat old 53-year-old fuck. I've been going to Jiu-Nizza for two and a half years and I'm still terrible. But I watch it.

I love it. I watch it and I study it. And I've got to tell you something. I'm right there at that fucking moment, whether I'm Dosanos, whether it's Calabib, whether it's Frank Yeager, or whether it's Aldo. I know exactly what my strategy is against this guy. Well, he's going to have to get better at Jiu-Tit-T. But it ain't going to be in three months.

Well, because he's not going to, and here's the funny thing, that in all the movement, in all the videos they show, the UFC shows of him, they show him doing this movement training, they don't show him with a wrestling guy, wrestling, which he has. They don't show him with a top secret jihitsu guy where he does Kandlestine meetings with in England, wherever he lives, Ireland. They don't show none of that. You know, they were comparing him to Ali the other day. You know, this is what I, what I, what I,

get angered about it. The public doesn't see this, you know, that they compare him to Ali. Why, Ali went through a struggle for 20 fucking years. Do you people even know any of your fucking history? Well, I mean, Carter McGregor, he's a good fighter. He's been fighting for a while. He's a great fucking fighter. He's a tremendous fighter. But I think that something got in front of his eyes that shouldn't be in front of his eyes. And I could see that, look, like I told you, when you saw Rhonda getting up, George, you didn't see a defeated person. You saw a person sitting there thinking to themselves that things they didn't do.

It's like when I bombed on that special, when I bombed during the week. When I'm driving up Laurel Canyon, I'm thinking about the shit I didn't do. You know, Conner's always doing media. You know, he writes those little things about people. That shit takes a long fucking time. How do I know?

Because I got to get up two hours a day. So when he was attacking Dosayno's, now now, I'm a fat old fuck. Back to my point. As soon as I saw how easy, Nick Diaz, Nate, whatever his fucking name is, went through him on the ground.

What do you think, Dosanos, Calabee, Tony Ferguson, Aldo, and Frankie Heggard. Because it's got to be one of those five necks,

unless Gabe Rudig is making a comeback. Unless Gabe Rudig is making a comeback. Well, if you notice, at the press conference, he did say, all right, the experiment's over,

I took a risk, it didn't work out. So I'm going to go to 45. No, he was tremendous. He took it like a fucking humble Listen man he was professional As a motherfucker

He was a people just don't see what I was saying He's straight up gangster I got nothing against Conover Greg at all I just don't like how the people reacting Like when I was saying That the UFC played a trick See if you watch Anybody who's watching the fight all over again

Watch it closely at the end When they're both standing next to Dean What's the black dude's name of the referee? Herb Dean when they're both standing next to Herb Dean, the cameras on him, look at Dana, yelling at Fratiti. Tonight, everybody,

look at the fucking end and look at Dana, yelling, like, we should have got Gabe Brutig. I told you. Gabe was available. He's up on Encino, teaching kickboxing, the kids from three to five, you know, because, listen, who could,

170, and then he, you know what I love about Connem of Gregor? He admitted it. He goes, my punches weren't working on a 170. But you don't see that until you're in the fucking fight. He didn't see that until he got into the fucking fight. He saw dollar bills.

You know, they got the poor kid fighting every four fucking months, every three fucking months, okay? You know, there was a story a year ago, maybe nine months ago, which you guys covered an MMA junkie about GSP, how that last time when he told him he wasn't going to fight, how they treated him, they wouldn't let him go out, blah, blah, blah, blah.

This guy's got a lot on his plate. And I could see it in this face afterward. He told the fucking truth. He told the truth, you know. My punches weren't working. They're too big. I got to go down to 1.45. But anybody, I didn't, I'm no trainer.

I'm no fucking Greg Winkle, John, none of those motherfuckers. But I did see one thing. I did see one thing, George. I did see that I slow up my, fucking thing. I take my anger out of it. See, Diaz wasn't angry. Diaz wasn't angry.

He didn't angry. He called him a cholo. Let's face it. Diaz is walking around three days a week with a helmet on from time to time because he don't know what's going on. You know what I'm saying? You can tell. He smoked so much dope. He's in that gym. He's a fucking sweetheart, Diaz. But sometimes you got, even if he walked out of the one interview, they asked him questions. He just don't want to

be bothered. Him or his brother just don't want to be bothered. They don't know. They don't fucking know. So they put this money in front of this McGregor guy. You know, now they want him to fight again, 200. Like I just said, I know nothing about Jiu-Jitsu. And I know exactly how to

fight Connor McGregor next. One minute, stall them, make them go after you. And then, God forbid, you get on top of him. And Aldo's good to go on the ground. Frank Yeager's exceptional on the ground. Calabee, wrestles fucking bears

that are tied up to alligators, that are tied up to a fucking gorilla. You know, I'd have to tell you what Tony Ferguson will do. So, anywhere he turns, and Dosayno's is a tremendous black belt. Yeah, no doubt.

He definitely has to put the 55 experiment on holes for a while. He's got to fill some holes, he's got holes in a game. He's going to go down to 45, and now at the press conference, he says, more than likely he's going to go after

he's going to get the rematch to Aldo. Now, you know, Aldo was at the top for a long time, and when champions do defend over and over, they've been dominant, I'm more likely to want to back their rematch request. However, Frankie Edgar has won

five in a row, man. This guy's do. But I think McGregor feels like, of the two, Edgar brings that wrestling to the table and some really good jih Tijuana. And although, we know he's a black belt, though, he just doesn't put it to use much. He's just a striker who may

want to strike with McGregor. So I think McGregor's really going to push for Aldo. And Frankie Edgar's got to, you know, Frankie Edgar's got to really, really push this because otherwise he's going to get overlooked. They show the picture. It seems like they promised it to him after Renzao Mendez, got to really, really push it.

Otherwise, they're going to go with Aldo. And, you know, there's no reason for him to fight Mendez. It's either Algo or Frank Yeager. It's either Al-Dol or Frankie Eggo. That's the only way they could go there. And Holly home, again, I don't see Rhonda coming back July 4th weekend.

I really don't, guys. I don't. If she doesn't, then, you know, either way, I think it's her versus Misha next. I don't think Misha has to fight at UFC 100. As long as one of the two, excuse me, Rousy or Meddreger, fight the UFC 100. I think Zufo will be extremely happy.

But secretly, or not secretly, I think Dana White publicly said it, Nate Diaz became a big name yesterday, man. The way those numbers were trending, supposedly it's going to be a lot of pay-per-view buys. And I know Connor is the leading potatoes out of all that, but you need a dance partner, and now that dance partner beats the big name, so I think Nate Diaz is going to come out of this really, really nice.

That's why those rumors of May Diaz versus Robbie Lawler, you never know, man. that might be your co-mate event, Connor McGregor and Jose Albu, UFC 100. I think Hophelosan's going to have to, he's just going to be put on old, and, you know, he missed the boat a little bit,

and he's got to get the winner of Tony Ferguson, and he'll be a number of them out of them out. Now, when are they fighting? They fight on April 16th in Tampa on Big Fox. They're the main event. That's one week before Daniel Cormiere and John Jones, so April's going to have some really, really nice fights. So it's Calabee

Tony Ferguson next Correct Holy shit And then Well even if you want to go before that You know If you just want to talk about the big cards Then yes

Yeah yeah that's the next big one But Brent Mir and Mark Hunt Down in Australia That should be a pretty good one too And that's in like two weeks Okay And then what else before that

That's it But then how good Then we got Demetcher's channel Well I don't know I don't know I don't know the date off the top of the time of here But we have Alistair

Overing versus Andre Arlowski. We have Henry Sehudo versus Demetrius Johnson. That's the co-main event underneath E.C. versus John Jones. Stephen Thompson versus Roy. There's Luke versus Chris Weidman. There's Sabre versus Dominic Cruz. When is Luke

from fighting Weidman? Luke Rockhold and Chris Weidland fight on June 4th at the forum in Los Angeles. Jesus Christ. That's crazy. You gotta get to that one, Joey.

No, fuck no, no, no. I watch it on TV. I ain't going down there. Fuck no. You going? Yeah, I think I have to do, because it's part of the job, but I don't mind the form too much. Got a lot of memories there, you know, that was Laker country for many years during the Magic Air, so I saw a lot of world titles there, and they said they renovated it, so.

I heard they renovated it. I heard they did a really nice job down there. That used to be a fucked up neighborhood, though. Fucked up. I went to see Janet Jackson down there. Maybe they cleaned it up a little bit. Well, they're going to build a football stadium down there, aren't there? I went to see, I used to go to Hollywood Park down there to Friday night, a dollar beer, a dollar admission, a dollar hot dog, and a dollar program.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You'd almost get mugged on the way out to the fucking car. You think I'm kidding, you. I'm not even trying to be cute with you. You would feel like you were going to get mugged. Oh, yeah, that's what Holly used to live. They'd be fucking hundreds of people.

out there just standing there you'd be fucking, that's a great place to have a fight to form. Completely different than where the Lakers play. Staple Center. That's great. I didn't know that. Thank you for enlightening me on that. Yeah, apparently

because I guess, let me see, the Kings and the Ducks, they kind of take priority in June in case they're in the playoffs and apparently both teams are looking like they're going to make it. So it's hard to pin down a date at either Honda Center or Staples. So they had to give the forum some love because they had to come strong and come correct and start selling some tickets for that.

They, you know, this hashtag unstoppable where they plan three months of events. That's a big deal for them. So they had to get something done. Well, how good does 197 look, though? Because then the fight, the third fight is Barboza versus Pettis. So that's three. I know, man. That's thick.

I love that one. That's going to be three great fights. Yeah. That one was a really, really good card. It's really really nice. You know, listen, and the UFC has tried the homegrown stars. Pettis had the limelight for a while. Oh, no, they definitely have it for a while.

Cowboy definitely has the limelight. They've done the best they can. And I understand what you guys are saying. Listen, my beef here, let me tell you where my beef goes. And I've told you, George, 10,000 times, and I've told me all I wanted was for Siva, instead of Siva, that should have been, Frankie. Edgar and him in Boston. And it would have been a different show today.

And guys, like everybody said online, well, GSP ricocheted from the Lawson was world champion for years. That's right. That's right. He would have. And he would have come back and beat Edgar, whatever. It would have been a, that was my whole beef. I don't like how they're treating Edgar.

Edgar's been a great company man for years. You know, but I'm sure he saw the fucking the trilogy with that dude. You know, you have to hit Edgar with a fucking. I don't want to fight Frankie Edgar either but you know I feel bad that I felt bad for him I felt honestly bad for him because I could see in this face that he saw where he made the mistakes that under other situations maybe he wouldn't have taken it but the money was in front of him

you know that was a lot of money they put in front of fucking McGregor's fucking face I would fight King Kong for that fucking money I'd fight you know I'd fight sons of anarchy with a fucking knife for that type of money I don't give a fuck What, you know, so that's my whole beef. I just don't like how they're just pushing them along, and they don't give a fuck. You know, he can't lose his next fight. He can't lose.

That's a lot of pressure, guys. And that's what I'm saying. Go ahead. Frankia is going to be our guest tomorrow on M.M.A. Junkie Radio. So we're definitely going to see where he stands with his injury, and what kind of conversations he may have had. He was in Vegas. He's been in Vegas for a few days,

and hopefully he's been able to pin these guys down. I mean, it sounds like Connor has to go to 145 now. So if Edgar loses that, that fight to Joseo. Who knows, man? That guy might go on a killing spree. Well, George, you know, I love you. Tell Frank Yeager, I love him, and thank you as usual for calling in and enlightening us on the MMA world, because I don't know Dick.

I just live on hunches and shit. I just watch. I swear to God, George. that like I had a feeling about Diaz I was still going to take my winnings from December and put him on Diaz but once I saw the way in it was when Brogan was on stage

myself, Jamie and Tony Hinchcliff walked down there and all bet Diaz and then he hit the jackpot the black belt from San Francisco I know he hit Diaz like a G-note flat and then he hit Diaz and Misha Tate for like a $500 dollar Jesus.

And then he hit somebody else who won. Because I talked to him last night and he goes, no, no, no, no. And then I went back. And I go, I went back, too. Because you start thinking about it and you love it so much. I sat there with Tony Hinska. I should have just driven there. God damn it. But they only had two fights at the MGM Grand, you know, on the board.

That's it? That's it. They didn't have the full fucking card. Or maybe they had the top five or something. I don't remember right now. I was kind of stone. I ate some stars and shit. Anyway, I love you.

brother. I love your show. From your room or from the arena all the way to the sports book there? I thought I was going to eat at the... I thought I was going back. I thought I was going to eat pastrami. No, no, no, I love that little sports book. That's a nice walk in there. Let me tell you something.

I woke up at 7 in the morning to leave. Now, when I left there in the middle of the night, you know, it was a nice audience. Everybody was walking around. It was back still. It was white people, black people, a lot of Filipino, you know, some crazy fucking women. When I got up in the morning,

I didn't have to get picked up until 7.15. It was 7 a.m. I got some coffee and I put a 20 in a wheel of fortune. In fucking five minutes, three black hookers must have hit on me. It's all black after three in the morning in the MGM grant. It is fucking jungle fever in that motherfucker. You see white dudes taking black chicks. You've got to see them in there. And I think they go there for the white dude. I don't know. I don't know. I could be wrong.

Listen, I haven't, you know, I can't do a hook. I'd fucking die right now at this point in my life. That's a good Vegas travel tip. If you won't, a black cooker. Oh, my God. I went to a strip club. I almost had a heart attack. Did I tell you, George, I got anxiety.

How pussy was three inches from my face? Did you go to a big? No, no, I wouldn't go to a strip club in Vegas. Right over here right before the holidays. I just wanted to break my little fagginess that I've developed over the years. You know, I'm not like regular guys. Regular guys go to strip clubs and they finger bang chicks and they walk around with stink finger for a week.

I don't do none of that shit. ding finger I don't do that of that shit I love you George don't forget MMA junkie every day for having me it's always a pleasure

anytime you need to be a holla you know I love you brother I talk to you Friday way before this because I wanted us to do like a little MMA thing for the people

you know just let them know we're hip we're not professional like you guys we're just hip you know what's up man guys thank you very much

for the opportunity I love you George love you too buddy have a great week bye George Let me give some motherfucking shoutouts. Some shoutouts to Greedy Spanos kid. Joey Rookland, my girl, paranormal.

Juan Nazario, Rodrigo Torres. He's going to be at the Ice House. St. Patty's Day. I might drop up there and see my brother. I've always loved Rodrigo. Please get some tickets. Also, prayers for Bob Lalingis' dad, my main man. And I don't know what happened to talking fucking land.

He didn't answer his phone, cocksucker, but I still love him and shit. What? What the fuck you're looking at me? Oh, no, we put a bet in. Oh, I know you guys put it in. So how much did you bet? We split a $100 bet on Diaz. I should have just driven there on Friday.

You said you're fucked up. You said you're fucked up. You got to open up my account. You got to take that $2 million? You got hidden under your mattress there? Yeah. And do well with it. And open up my account at the MGM.

You're a big shot. Can you deposit like $150? You can deposit, whatever you got in that mattress that I'm making, you know, fucking money. Just a bunch of Jewish spiders laying on it and a picture of Grandpa. What's that going to do for you? Fuck Grandpa, you know what are Jewish spiders?

I don't fucking know. I'm just talking to you from the Hardy. I don't fucking know. Take that Ghee that she got under the mattress. Call the MGM grant and see what they need to open up an account for the lease I had. This is one of your dreams. How are you going to accomplish it if you're mind-fucking yourself?

But that's the only time I ever win. I always lose. I would go broke. No, no, no, because you only bet, listen, you bet on what's really in your fucking heart. You think every time, how many UFCs have I gone and not put it better? How many times have I gone to Vegas and put 20 in the machine?

Yeah, but you're a good sports gambler. I'm terrible. Who's a sport? We used to give up picks. We got killed for 18 weeks in a row. That's true. We were terrible. The NFL contact lists and says,

stop giving out fakes. People are shooting themselves and shit. That's how bad we were. What the fuck are you talking about? I just go on. on stupid fucking hunches. If I go to the U.S. If I go to 10 things with Rogan in Vegas,

I'll bet three of them. That's how bad I am. I usually put, when I go with you to fucking the south point, what do we do? We put a fucking 20 in the goddamn machine. Just to make believe. People want to play fucking computer poker with us. Can we play computer poker?

What's wrong with you? You're in a adult. We'll play real poker. You're going to sit with three fat fucks and play computer poker like with fucking Casino Royale, like with James Bond. The fuck out of here.

What's the matter with you, Lee? You're holding on together. Why? What's the matter with you? You're funny. You're what? Because it's just funny. It's true.

It's true. I don't do nothing. People think I want to go to the... I can't... I put a 20 in that fucking... I also put a 20 in the fucking... The $2 thing. Not the $2.

The Deuce is Wild machine at the airport. Yeah? I'm up to like 160 quarters. I lost at all. Oh, fuck. You know me, Doug. I'm a fucking gamble. You know, half the time I do it for entertainment.

I do it because if somebody asked me, did you gamble? I don't want to feel like a loser. Like, how many times can you go to Vegas and sit in your room and smoke pot and watch a movie and talk to people about UFC like a half a fag? That's all I ever did.

That's all I ever fucking did. I wouldn't go to strip clubs. I wouldn't go to clubs. I had breakfast and, you know, go to the gym. Who lives like this? People go to Vegas to get the venereal diseases and knock up a fucking black hooker

and sniff some assholes and shit like that. I got to get my life together. I got to hang out with young people or something. Something's going on with me. But then again, I'd love to go out and do all that shit, but I can't. I can't drink. I get fucking I had a shot at a fucking, I had a, whatever the fuck on the way there.

And Southwest, because I get those business select tickets. You know me, I hold on. I got one in my wallet. I try to get those to regular. You're drinking on all the Southwest flights. Huh? You're drinking on all the Southwest flights now. I get one drink.

I get my limit. Like an adult dog. I get a little, listen, whiskey never killed nobody. No, no. I'm not saying you're being drunk. No, you're like walking up and down the aisles. Dog, let me tell you something. I get on a fucking plan.

I do an Irish whatever. What's that, Bailey's. Coffee? No, I do a Bailey's Irish cream. Oh, okay. On the rocks. I pass out for 30 minutes. It cleans up to sleep back.

You think I'm kidding you, dog. I'm a lightweight. I don't fucking drink. I was telling my friend Jody, I have a fucking doers with club soda with ginger ale. That's my favorite. Little doers with ginger ale. I'm fucked up, guys.

fucked up. That's why I don't need other was on a plane no more. I just think a doer's now. I get fucked up. I see the devil. With the one doers in gingero? One doers in ginger? That's all I need, dog. It's delicious and nutritious. Fuck, yeah.

I've never been much of a drink on a plane. Getting higher, plane's not fun either, man. I panicked that one time I did it. That's because you're half a momo. I mean, it's a fun thing. If you go prepared, you've got to have the movie, you got to have the earphones, You got to breathe. Your nose has to be clear.

The place you got to breathe out your nose to focus. Do you ever just lose it? Do you ever just like start giggling in like somebody's face? Like sometimes when I'm high at a restaurant, I'll just lose it. I lose it on planes. Really? I lost it on planes a couple times. I just know how to recover.

I just recover real quick. If you start having a nervous breakdown, you eat something. You breathe out of your nose and you look straight. you don't close your eyes you know you look straight ahead and you breathe out of your nose and eventually it goes away it comes me to fuck down

does anyone set you off if okay for example if I'm around my girl if I'm around Paula I'm more likely to start like giggling if I see her like does like your wife or mercy set you off when you're high

sometimes sometimes I do something I make I like making myself giggle Friday I got a call for an audition, guys. Let me tell you how I handle an audition. Just so you know, you get the call. You have an audition tomorrow.

We'll send you the sides. They email you the thing. You print them on your computer. And then you look at the character. They send you a breakdown of the character. They send you a type of movie of this TV show, whether it's a single shot, which I don't know none of that shit.

They send you what the producers are, who they are, which I don't give a fuck. They send you to the director. is I always look up the director and I try to look up one of the writers to see if I know this style. Okay? Then I tell that I read the fucking thing a couple times.

If I make myself giggle from the first read, we're on to something. Now I read it again, but this time I paint the lines with the magic marker, like my lines. You highlight them? I highlight them. Just my lines.

Then I read it again and highlight it. And then I read it again, and I start putting the beats. where I'm going to take a pause, where I'm going to scratch my ass, where I'm going to look the other way. You'll write that on the script? A little bit, because I make two sets of copies. Then I go smoke dope, and I come back,

and that's when I add whatever they want. Whether it's drama, I had the drama touch to it, and whether it's funny, I had the comical touch to it. Do you know, no matter how I was, I couldn't make this fucking sides funny? And there were sides that with another comic, and I'm like, this guy's terrible, but how can I be worse than it?

Like, it was just terrible. And you know what? I called the agent in the morning, I said, I can't go on that because I can't make it funny. You understand me, and he understood. That's crazy. But that's, I like to make myself giggle.

That's the point of this. I like making myself giggle. If I can't make myself giggle, it's not worth. Like, I love fucking talking with you early in the morning because we're both giggling. When I said those stupid jokes, they're fucking giggle. funny jokes. Like we're talking about breaking the bank. Like we're going to go deep. We're going to get some

fucking Auschwitz coins from the ones the Jews were hiding in their pockets, you know, shit like that. You know, we fuck and we make ourselves giggle because he's Jewish. I'm cute. We just make ourselves giggle. That's funny shit. But if something's not funny when you're high like that, a TV show, I don't want to go on for it. There's always something I can make funny. I couldn't make this funny. Plus, I was having a comedy. with three or four different people, which really makes it hard for me. Like I was talking a couple of attorneys

and a convict. I couldn't do it, but back to the point, I like giggling. Giggling is my world. Giggling is how I stay sane. What about when you're doing a dramatic role? Do you still trying to make it funny? Not at all. Not at all. But I want to connect

somewhere in there when it's a dramatic role. As fucking corny as that sounds, You know when I do good and dramatic roles When somebody's questioning me If you see me on a cold case Or in my PD blue Or something like that I'm getting fucking questioned

And is it like Is it because you can relate to having that happen to you? Yeah, yeah, yeah And I know the beats And I know what to look at And I know where to put the ice whiz in You know what I'm saying I'm innocent

You know you just know You have to connect somewhere As fucking gay as that sounds especially, you know, coming from an asshole like me, somewhere you have to connect to this. Somewhere, there's got to be somewhere, somewhere in your life you cross that energy. You know what I'm saying?

Whether they're accusing something, you know? Is that why actors sometimes will spend time with someone they're portraying? I just, because, like, how, like, if you're trying to say you have to be connected with something, Will Smith isn't connected with all that stuff. Like, the people who do four movies a year, How do they do it? And like four leading roles a year.

That must be tough. You know, somewhere for them, there's got to be something. When you see a movie and Tom Cruise is really fucking good, let's take Collateral. That's one of my favorite Tom Cruise movies with Jamie Fox. That's a great movie. He's great in that, okay, Tom Cruise. Now, Tom Cruise is five for four.

You can blow him over with your fucking fingedly. All right? You could fucking karate kick him with that. that fucking Ashwood's foot and break his little side. You could break his little Scientology, Lee. He'll be in that fucking building on Vine for two years under recovery over there, right? Listen to me, Lee. But in that movie, how good was he?

How good did he sell it? Oh, my God, he was terrifying. Okay, how good did he sell it? Somewhere along the line in that movie, now there's a tough guy. He had something to that movie. Because I went to see him in Mission and Box. And he wasn't dick.

I don't even remember what Mission Impossible was about this one. I went to see him my wife two months ago. The last one? Yeah, I didn't even see that one. Okay, so I don't even know. But that's how good he was. I don't know what he... But the first Mission Impossible, he's good.

When I went to see him with the movie with Jack Nicholson, he's very good. When he plays the fucking Navy guy, when he goes to Cuba and Jack Nicholson threatens him. Oh, a few good man or something. He's connected to that somewhere. Top Gun, fuck that shit. It's fucking, tant-t-da-da-ta-ta-ta-than, that type of shit. But I'm talking about movies, you know. And he's the, oh, the movie with my favorite movie ever,

with him and the chick, the one he was married to, the dirty movie, where she shows her titties, and he goes and gets the cape. The one I talked about on the Rogan podcast. That's one of my favorite movies with him. What's the Crazy Guys in the movie? What's the, it came out in 98 or 2000. Put on Tom Cruise, 98. Let's look it up.

And he's got a great fucking director, two years to shoot. You know, the wife cheats on him in the movie. He's really fucking good in that. He plays like a doctor or something like that. You know, when you look at those guys in those movies and they play it natural, they connect. You know, for a long time, I thought a role was, like when you watch Ray Leota. What is it? All right.

So it's eyes wide shut? That's it. Okay. Eyes wide shut. That's the one with his wife. that movie's a dirty, spooky movie about like an old man society and they go to this house with masks on

and these girls are naked and they're eating each other out and he sneaks in it's a fucking crazy. No one before that one was Jerry McGuire which is a great movie. That's a great movie. He was very good at that.

I like Tom Cruise. People knocked Tom Cruise something he said before really made a point tonight with me because it's been listen man, if I look you in face and tell you this doesn't bother me you're fucking crazy but i don't know where to start you know i don't talk to my family you know how bad that is lee yes i do and i don't know where to start i i don't know

where to start let's never mind my daughter let's talk about my uncle my cousin my sister in cuba it's just uh it's just so hard having a fucking relationship with my sister on the phone, you know, it's too much. The language barrier, her Spanish, I try to write what she says. It's just too much. And it's too much information at one time. It's too much, I can't say bad memory. It's just too much, you know what I'm saying?

So I limited that, you know, and then my uncle, I just don't, we just don't talk now. It's got to be 18 months, you know. my cousin, same fucking thing. You know, the boy cousins, I never really was tight with them anyway, but it's just amazing what George made sense. I said time to my wife

before I went to Vegas, Thursday night with chit-chat. And she asked me about Lazaro or something. I don't, you know, I haven't really thought of him. How fucking sad is that? You know, and it bothered me. Like, when I was in a flight to Vegas, I thought about him.

Like, how sad is that that? He once told me. he goes, I talk to you more than I do more of my sons. I used to talk to my uncle every night, man. Every night. On the drive to the gig, on the way back, we chit-chat about fucking something. Nah, nothing, nothing.

And I still have the bad feelings from 30 years ago, but at the same way, I don't. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm justified them in my head, like, he gave me a talking to that I needed. We were talking to earlier. He talked to me, like, was supposed to get talked

and I went into and I fell apart at the seams that's what really happened to be honest he told me a few things I didn't need to know but he told me things to spark my fucking

to get me going and he had every right to say him and he was right what he said to me so but that doesn't make it any less hurtful I don't know like that's the thing like I said

that action wasn't hurtful is the other shit he did to me how he made me sleep in an attic how he told me personal stuff about my family that I didn't need to fucking know you know you don't tell this to a fucking uh disturbed fucking 21 year old kid that's got nothing going on i mean had nothing going on you know whether he knew it or not whatever he was telling me wasn't i put my mind into fucking hell telling me about drugs and that my DNA, my genes were all about drugs and scamming people that had no future. It was fucking crazy, Lee. It was just mind-boggling that you go somewhere for comfort and somebody turns on

you. I could understand if you had done something to them. So you're going to treat me this way. Let me at least do something to you. And that's why I did the, you know, I took the low bridge and tried to rob the fucking dude. And, uh, but then I took the high bridge 25 years later, and I contacted them. And I had a relationship with him for five fucking years. That was perfect. A couple fucking Yankee games, a couple of Dodger games. I'm sorry.

We went to everywhere in this town for lunch. We went to the steak place. We went to fucking, where he was at the hospital when Mercy was born. You know, listen, all right, you don't want to talk to me. He was tight with my daughter.

I still got a ton of pictures of him fucking Mercy. Mercy like Lazzaro. So, and George was just saying, you have talked to your family. Life is too fucking short, you know. And I just don't know where to start, you know. the situation with my daughter,

what do you want me to do? I've reached out 20 times. I don't know where to fucking start anymore. What are you going to do? So do I walk around wounded? Do I take one of these fucking helicopters that's flying over a building and take him to drop me off in Colorado

an helicopter up to Aspen and go fucking molester life? Is that what I do, Lee, and go pedophile her life? You know, I don't know where to start. My cousin got mad at a statement I made for how to go in the kitchen with us and be family.

That's all I said to her was I said, I didn't even know she was there. You go to somebody's house and you're in the kitchen for an hour and you walk out and somebody's den. You're like, why are you sitting here? Well, I don't like her. Who gives her fuck? It's Christmas.

Go in there. That's all I said to her. She doesn't want to talk to me. So do I call her up? Do I apologize, Lee? I mean, what the fuck do I do? I mean, I don't know. I have a similar situation,

but for me, I don't want the person in my life. more and it just depends on if you want them in your life. You might have to make the decision and just apologize even if you don't think you've done anything wrong. Well, it's not wanting them in your life. It's just not having that bad air out there. Just because you don't talk to them anymore, at least nobody's feelings are hurt, at least

you don't have that bad air out there. You know, that's what I'm going for more. I'm at an age, you know. where I have to look at this shit from a different angle. You know, when I was 25, I didn't give a fuck if you didn't talk to me. I think I gave a fuck if you didn't talk to me.

Now I think of what the issue is. You know, why aren't we talking? Was it something I did? Was it something you did? Was it something we both did? That's these important things you have to think about when it comes to your friends. If they're really your fucking friends,

that's the other thing. If they're just Johnny come lately's, you know, who gives a fuck? You know what I'm saying? I feel you. It's tough. It's, uh... You don't know what the fuck I'm saying.

No, no, I do. Look at the shape of you. You're all fucked up. I gave you 200 milligrams and I hit a hash. And you're already fucked up. A hit of hash. One little hit a hash. Like 27 hit a hash.

One little fucking hit a hash. Do you need that thing? No, I got this one here. Anyway, let me talk to you about some sponsors and I'll get out of your fucking hair. Don't forget this weekend I'm at the San Jose Improv. one of my favorite fucking clubs. You know, what happened was I had to cut it. Your agents, they whore you out, guys.

And they put you in San Jose, Sacramento, San Francisco, and anything else up there. Next to, you know, you guys are seeing me, and I'm not writing fast enough. And it just embarrasses me. So I'm trying to go to, like, the Bay Area twice a year. So don't think that I'm, you know, trying to be Johnny fucking macho here.

It's just that you can't write fast enough, man. I got a podcast. I got the wife. I got, you know, so it's just tough. But anyway, I'm just tough. I'll be at the San Jose Improft, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, and my man Dean Delray.

The following week, I'm in Bakersfield. I forget the name of the Tulag or something brewing company. I mean, Bakersfield is no fucking big city. You know, you guys are friends. I'll drop up. Everything's at Joey Diaz.net. Everything's on Joey Diaz.com. And also, I'm in Brea,

the end of March to April Fool's Day and whatever the fuck the second. So swing on out to Brea. Lee will be down there with me playing the drums as usual. you know, Lee's all fucked up tonight. Vegas was fun, you know, I like going on the road. I just get fucking tiredly. That fucking plane right killed me.

I had to fall asleep for three hours. I went to barely last night. I don't mind drinking boo. Like, listen, it was weird when they showed me the menu on Southwest. Like, sometimes I go to a comedy club, and I go, like, sometimes I go to a ha-ha, and they're like, you want to drink, and I look at the shells. And I look at the shelves, and I take the bottles for granted. It wasn't until they gave me a menu on Southwest.

I looked at it and I go, hmm, doers with motherfucking ginger ale. Those are two of my favorite fucking things. I used to drink in the mid-80s. Maybe I should have one. And I had one. I knew exactly what it tasted like. I also see they have bourbon on there, the wild goose bourbon, which wasn't bad also when I was growing up.

I mean, they have other variations of bourbon that I drank, but that's what they had on there. At least I know about that shit. sometimes I just look at the wine list just to see what the fuck's going on and I have no fucking ideas what's going on there that's why when they contacted me and they sent me all this stuff on Club W I kind of signed on with them because I didn't know about wine but they made wine easy to understand you know Club W with Club W the guessing game is over Club W is the world's only personalized wine club and your wines are sent directly to your door.

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Nobody. So today I went to Jiu-Tzu and I went back on my little I wanted to try today. Today it was a little rough. I maybe had a day off on Saturday. We fucked up my cardio and I flew.

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for calling in tonight and sharing some fucking light on us. And that's it. That's it and that's that. What else you want from me, Lisa, I at? I just ask people to go listen to my new podcast with Johnny Rock. Life and neutral. Beautiful. Life and neutral.

Yes, sir. About life in the fucking fast lane. Why don't you do that, cuck, who wants to be life and neutral? No one. That's the whole one of the podcast. Oh, that's why I love you. You're fucking. You're fucking.

You're looking good. You're joined the kettlebell gym full time now. I'm fucking still sore for once. You got to go tomorrow 9 a.m. 9.01. You got to be the hip-hop Magoo and shit. I'll be there. How many times you got to be there this week? I'm going to try to do three.

We'll see if I'll at least two. And then one over there, the fucking V-Mack. You got to show up over at Steve Young and show them that you still respect to throw a little something in his envelope there and shit to keep him alive. You know what I'm saying? Hell yeah.

You got to do three sets of kettlebells this week. You'll fucking look like a fucking skeleton. Oh, that workout was so cool. By the time they get finished with you. No more tacos. Do you tell you about no more tacos? Who? Fucking the Irishman over there.

We haven't talked to all the talkers. He's going to talk to you about him this week. Don't worry about it. I talked to them already. I love you cock suckers. Have a great fucking week. Remember, it all starts with a fucking dream. Grab your cock.

Grab your balls. Let them know who's running things. It's going to be a great fucking week, man. I'm looking forward to some big things. Have a great weekly. I'll see you back in the church of what's happening now. We're going to figure this music fucking thing out. I want to take you to the next level.

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