The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #363 - Emilio Rivera

Episode Date: March 17, 2016

Emilio Rivera, Actor, seen on Sons Of Anarchy and Weeds, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Tracker - Go to Thetracker.com and use code word "church" for 40% off of your first Tracker Product.    Onnit.com - Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   Headspace: Go to headspace.com/joey and download the Free Headspace App and start your Take10 10 day free trial .   Recorded live on 03/16/2016.
    

Thank you for doing this, my brother. You got him. I'm glad to be here, brother. Oh, you know that. This show, the Church of What's Happening now, is brought to you by Headspace. Go to Headspace.com right now to download the free Headspace app and begin their Take 10 program for 10 days of guided meditation. That's right. Totally free.

You don't need money. You don't need a cashier's check. No form of ID. The headspace.com slash Joey, headspace. com slash Joey and download the free Headspace app. This show is also brought to you by Tracker. Never lose anything again with Tracker. Listeners of this show, the church of what's happening now,

get a special discount of 40% off of your first tracker device. Go to theTracker.com and enter promo code church. It's theTracker.com promo code church. The show is also brought to you by Onit.com. Go to Onet.com and use code word church to get 10% off all of their amazing optimization products like Alpha Brain and New Mood. Oh shit. Turn off World News tonight with fucking David Muir.

He ain't doing dick for you. Uncle Joey, you see, I'll give it to you straight cocks up. Oh shit. Here we go. Little Peter Gabriel, right off Genesis. Boom, boom, boom. Bam. Lee Syatt, Emilio Boom, Boom, Reverein, the motherfucker.

What? Look at Lee. Zoning now. I mean, looking into the fucking stars, thinking about $20 bills at the ATM machine. A lot of people don't know, Peter Gabriel is on tour with Sting. They're charging.

I don't know what they're charging. But fucking Peter Gabriel looks like he's 200 years old. He's completely, he looks like Mr. Freeze. And Sting, I can't go see Sting. He's a fucking ego, you know. You hate Sting. I don't hate Sting. He's just with the ukulele and shit, you know.

His friends applaud that shit. Like he takes a ukulelea and sings a song. If you have a good, friend, they'll tell you, listen, put the fucking ukulele away. You're embarrassing me. You're in sting. You know what I'm saying? Amelia, what's the story, brother? Oh, good, brother. I'm not going to be here. Joey. Thanks for inviting me again, brother. I love you. I miss you.

I don't see you. I've got auditions no more. The auditions are slim and fucking few. It's getting different out there a little bit right now, right? It really, really is. A lot of people complaining. A lot of people expect it like, you know, man, you have to be optimistic. But I think a lot of people this pilot season expected this to be the year of their life. And I know people who bids that they went on on three or four pilots.

It's not, I remember living here and having people going on 30 fucking 40 pilots. I never went out on 30 fucking 40 pilots. I'm on three a year. Yeah, you know, I think this a little bit over. We kind of exaggerate a little bit about that, bro. Because as long as I've been doing this game, I've never been more than maybe 9, 10 pilots. And that's a lot, brother. That's a lot.

That's a lot. You know, 20, 30. Man, you're lucky motherfucking. You didn't book one, God damn it. No. You know what, man, those young kids at the store, man, they go out every fucking day. They go out for shit.

I didn't even heard of. They go out for shit that's in development, in development. Those 23, 24-year-olds are going to the comedy store. They're going for them. Yeah, they go out for them, man. Those young kids go out a lot of fucking, there's a girl where I go. I go over here to the medical marijuana store.

There's a girl in there that's 22. she goes out four or five times a week because she was even complaining to me that she goes out for 16 that she goes out for 16 Well, that's good when you can do that Yeah, so she goes out like every day That's times I won't see her

And she's like Joey I went out every day last week It was fucking mind boggling I booked this She always books MTV She books CW That's all good Yeah

Work is work man She goes out five times A fucking week four times a fucking week The eyes on her size Yeah That's good man I fucking I used to go, you know what I used to, when I first moved here, I used to go for a lot of commercial

auditions. Commercials are good, bro. You know, I know, one time for about a little period, I was doing a lot of movies and TV shows, and I quit doing commercials for about seven years. And then my other agent I got and said, you know what, I wanted to start doing it again, and I did. And then I booked like three commercials in two months, and I'm thinking, why did I stop doing commercials?

Because when those registries come in, they're pretty nice, bro. You know, I'm talking about it. Well, they make you go over the, like, for guys like me, they make me go over the top of SAG insurance. What do you mean? I go from number one to number, from number two to number one. Well, that's good, though. You know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, commercials always push me over the edge. Commercials are great, man. You know, I don't know. I just came for one right now, you know what I'm saying? So it's good, you know, to be the, I can't say what I'm, with sport, but still, but, you know, it's, yeah, it's nice. Yeah, yeah, it's, you know, they're nice, you know, you go Michael Peelebox, you don't know what's going to be in the middle today. You know, it's like the little, a little, a little ladle.

You know, it could be a $2,000 residual check. It could be a $20,000 residual check. You never know as much. You never know. And when you're a character actor, since you don't shoot a lot, a lot, a lot of commercials,

when you shoot a commercial, it's sort of like an advertisement for you. It makes people go, holy shit, commercials? I'm going to call that motherfucker next week out of respect. Like, shit,

like, like it's just like, I remember seeing you on a commercial one time. And they played this motherfucker every Tuesday night during sons. It was good, right? Yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah. You were like the cook in the back or something. Yeah, yeah, You know who the narrator was? Ron Perlman, bro. That's crazy.

That was the narrator, so it was pretty cool. It brought us together again right there, you know? And it was on during Sons of Anarchy, so it was pretty cool. Yeah, it was always on during the son's anarchy. But you know, and now everybody's doing a commercial. I mean, Benisha's Altoro Gautrogoths went out there and that was really funny for Hanukin, you know. Yeah, I saw that one. You know, Gary Oman, it's pretty cool, man, you know.

I saw the one with what? She's got a ton of them. What's her name? Ben Affleck's wife. Jennifer Gardner? Yeah, she got a bunch of them. She's doing the credit card ones. I saw what's his name from the 70s show

She's doing Jim fucking Beam Oh really is it Right yeah what's his name Milakoulis is doing fucking Jim Beeh Oh really is that right It's a good commercial too Yeah well you got Matthew McConaughey Doing the Lincoln commercial all of them

He does not have a commercial It's pretty cool man It's like one day of work And you get paid for like two years You know so it's pretty nice you know How hard is it to break in though As far as what? Commercials because

Well there's people that are just commercial actors Bro you know what I'm saying And they're really They're just set for that and you never see them on TV or a film but man they got on lock But that must be great And then they probably get hired all the time

So do other commercial actors like hate them Because they're always getting hired You know maybe so You know just like some of the actors Hate other actors who go off the same role And never get the road But that one guy you dig So it goes around to a different place

You know I mean I see some guys Because I know some of the commercial guys And they just good They're in man you know And they do Home Depot They do Burger King They do all that

And there's the same guy all the time It was a trip Two, three years ago, the number one guy was a black guy. That's very, you see him and everything, but you don't. He's a nice guy, too, man. You see him and everything, but you don't. Was it the Old Spice guy or no? He does a Home Depot.

He does a Westing house. He does all the world. Everything. And how it works, see, in the old days, listen, when I moved to this town, I didn't know dick about dick. You understand me? There's people who take drama in high school or they go to college and they go, oh, let me take a performing arts or dance class.

I didn't take dick. Okay, all I know is I got on stage one day. Then I have aspirations of film or television. Everybody does, but one of the long shot. And I moved out here, you know, doing comedy, eight years, working hard, maybe nine years. And the first thing I got was a commercial label, which is Sutton, Barton Minari. They're one of the hottest agents in those days. Got them right out of the improv.

Boom. Within a week, I was going out. Nice. Church is chicken. I mean, we were going. out. We were fucking going out in those days. I used to have a pager. And I'd walk out of one audition and,

hello, you got at 3.30 in Santa Monica. It was fucking craziness. In the middle of all this, I was starting to lose faith, and all of a sudden they call me, and they go, listen, we're looking for a Cuban dude for a Taco Bell commercial all the way down on Bundy. Whatever that was, on Bundy.

I walk in that, boom. I read, I got a call back. It's 4th of July weekend. I mail the commercial. I get back to town. They did away with the commercial, but they told me to go down there anyway for the three days and get paid. Abitin and Kinney. That's something about it. Yeah. I hate the parking over there. The parking sucked. I'm not talking about you. But it got me sag. It did so many things. I made $80,000 fucking dollars. That's right. With one Taco Bell commercial in four fucking months. I didn't see it coming. Who saw it coming? I don't think those days, now my neighbor, that dude was a bad motherfucker. This was

before the New Deal. See, the deal now is, when you, see, my dick got hard. The first time I walked into an audition and I saw National and International. Yeah, man. Doug, my head home, this is after I booked the $84,000 for national,

I said, if I booked an $84,000 commercial for national, where are they going to give me for an international? And I found that I was a $30,200 buyer. Yeah, I hate those buyouts. For life. I mean, you have some good buyouts, though, you know, too. I mean, I had a commercial that I remember for seven years, and that was a good gig, bro.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember when in there there was something about smoking, you know, so we were all in the room with about 30 of us, and they go, who here smokes? And at the time, I did smoke, so everybody was kind of tentative to pick up the hand. I go, I smoke, man, you know, and we want to see you. You know, talking about the smoking was an anti-smoking thing, you know. And what happened was that's when everybody was real strong about quitting smoking.

So every time another state would buy it, I was getting paid. Brother, that ran for seven years. But it was a good gig, man, you know. Seven fucking years, yeah. There's a lot of jobs like that. I was talking to somebody who's trying to break into looping, just like extra work. And she said it was impossible. And they get like extras are getting a thousand a day for what is essentially like audio extra work.

Yeah, but what is that right there is this is a thing called the loop group. And they got that pretty much on live, bro. You know, I'm talking about it. Really? Yeah, they got this. It's like anything else like that, you know. But there's a loop group and they're really good and they have it. They're mixed, you know, all mixed up.

And they do a lot of the work, though, you know. If you look at some of the credits in the movies and the TV shows at the end, it will say looping, the loop group, you know. I didn't even know anything about that. I did my own looping. Because, you know, I've done different TV shows where I have to go back and do some of the, you know, some of the words that were not clear. ADR. And you do your own looping, but the way it was described to me was she said if it's ever like you're in a restaurant, the principles will be miced up and the waiter would be miced up if they said anything. but for all the chatter around the restaurant.

That's what it's for. Just I had a little word here and there. It's amazing how much money is wasted in TV in Hollywood. Yeah, brother, yeah. Because that's true. Nobody else is Mike. Only you, and of course they have the boom, but then the words or the noise in the background later on.

There's a certain group of people that have just sat tight and made a living in this town. And I heard my voiceover people are the saying. Like they have the interclick of voiceover people. That's the people they use over and. over and over again, you know, and that's just the way it is. You know, it's like the teams. The teamses don't go fucking nowhere until they die.

Nobody quits the teamses. Nobody says, you know what, I want to try tennis. It's all over. You're making $100,000 sitting on your fucking ass. They're getting really good over the road. Yeah, with benefits and, you know, whatever the fuck. So that's, there's so many different careers in this entertainment business where you're like a velvet hammer.

You make fucking money, but nobody even knows you exist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How nice would that be? fucking make money and nobody even know you fucking existed. Like, who, you're here, you hear. You hear, don't they're saying that? People are digging you for the right reason, bro.

Either not, they're digging you or not digging you for a right reason. You know what I mean? Not because what you have. You know what I mean? And that's nice, you know? Well, I mean, you could do that comedy writing if you wanted to. If you wanted to like her comedy, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you mean?

Like, if, like, another comedian was going to hire you to write for them. Like, that would be the equivalent of it, I think. It happens a lot, right, join. Nobody fucking hires, man. meet a right for them because you know what comes out of my mouth is nonsense but I love sitting if you sat with me in a room and I watched you do stand-up I could give you some good throwaway shit for your style of material right for your style of person who you are yeah yeah you know a friend of mine told me something really interesting he went to an audition and the pilot was so bad

he said his own lines he wrote his own fucking lines though and he said I do that sometimes well and it works, you know, because you make it your own. You dig what I'm saying. He said he went in and read them and then he goes, listen, I can't put that on tape. You've got to at least do a long line. He goes, I'm not doing it. He goes, well, you can read it, but I'm not got to put it on the on tape. But see, but with comedy is different because when you do comedy auditions, it has to be,

because the whole setup and the whole punch and everything has to work for the way it's written. It's written like that. So if you don't know nothing about comedy, you have, I mean, if you do, they want to hear it the way it is because the whole, it's all timing. It's all about the timing on comedy shows. What I decided now for the last 10 years, when I read for a comedy, I just always try to win. If I open up my mouth out of turn, it's going to be a bomb. It's going to be the fucking kill that rule. Right, right, right.

And if I really get going, I'm going to do one for the producer session to really knock them out of the fucking water. You know what I'm saying? So that's what I always do. When I go to those comedy ones, I learn not to try to mix them up because, you know what? Nine or the ten? They'll say, can you please read them? no way they're on paper. That was great. They'll even giggle. But they'll tell you,

put them like you were on paper. And then you do them that way. That fucking thing still stayed on tape. Yeah, that's what you're saying. You know, there's a lot of little fucking angles for comedy, you know, there's a lot of little angle. I used to go in there and try to, people say, we're going there and be yourself. You know what, man?

ABC, they want you to be yourself, but you better say those fucking lines in the paper. Or if not, they're going to haunt you. Or what they're going to do is take that motherfucking line and put it in there and not give you a dime which they've done to me 90,000 times are they supposed to pay you when you write your own lines I don't know no I don't know you know because just say like okay joy you know make it your own you know you make it your own

and you're not going to get the credit you know you're getting paid you dig what I'm saying so you just you know just making it better for yourself actually but um you know I when it comes to comic I've done a couple of sitcoms not as a series regular but you know as a guest star and it has to be the way it's written, bro. It really is, you know. It has to be the way it's written. Yeah. Excuse me.

If you bang when out during the reads and the producers there, they'll type it in. They'll give you a pink sheet the next day, and there you are and shit, you know. And you feel great. Yeah, yeah. Because your line works. That means the most to me.

That means the world to me. When I say three lines, but they keep one, you know. And you know what? They've done that a thousand times, Amelia, where I've gone in there and said, you know what? I got nothing to lose. I bet, man. You have nothing to lose in this room with three fucking people. Nothing.

Is it because they want it past, like, their lawyers and stuff, or they're just really... No, ABC is ABC. They're owned by fucking Disney. I don't know who owns NBC, and I don't know who owns CBS. So they don't give a fuck of your Mickey Rickles. And you've got the funniest fucking joke in the world. Once you get to that read, they come in and the director lines you up and says action. and you say it and you make everybody laugh.

There's going to be a little white lady with fucked up glasses. That's five foot eight with a little vest on. And she's going to come up to you with a fucking binder. Am I lying too, Amelia? She's going to come up to you. Hi, good morning. I'm Elaine. Hi.

I'm scripty. Hi. Let me talk to you about something. You didn't say, Evan, you didn't say the. You didn't say one. I don't know what's that. I don't know what's that. I've never heard anything like that in my life.

You know, I hear you're Spanish. and they're fucking Jewish and they're telling you like, I've never heard anything like that in my life so please omit that whole line. Yeah, yeah, that's that. But they could be your best friends and your worst enemies, you dig what I'm saying?

I count on them a lot. You know, I have a fucked up memory, so, you know, so I have a fuck, so I'm always, you know, like I always tell them, you know, stay with me, stay with me. But I'm, when it comes to work and I'm working, I get it, you dig? But I just want to be sure that if I fuck it up,

I want you to pick me up. You know, I don't want to be waiting for you to give me the line. If I fuck it up, give me the line. You dig what I'm saying? And that's what they're there for, bro. And then they're really good at their job, you know. They really are.

That's a tough job, man. You got to follow everybody's fucking shit, you know? That is a tough job. Right? Right. Think about that. And you got to tell people. And you got to tell, like, fucking big names.

Yeah. Like, they got to tell big fucking names. But on the flip side, too, like when you get to work and you're seeing coming up, you can just take them off the side and that's their job to go over all your lines with you. You know, you can just rehearse with them, you know? So it's really cool, man. Yeah, yeah. When I just did this last thing for IFC, the lady was dynamite.

She was dynamite. And they were so cool. See, when I learned some, that IFC, they're on the set. They just look at the dailies and they say, fine. The show's budget is men's are men's. It's not a big fucking budget. ABC, you've got 20 people on the set with suits on. And then I have no fucking sense of humor.

All they're thinking about, they don't. Remember, it's a business. They don't give a fuck about your stupid little fucking joke. Cuban fucking moron. We're trying to sell fucking diapers. Right, yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? We're in the diaper business from eight to nine.

So whatever little joke you may have that you think is cute, the diaper people. But I watch Nick at night, like the kids channel, and after 7 o'clock, they go fucking nuts on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They go fucking nuts on there. Now they stop, like, uh, original programming, like they had on the chick from Seinfeld, the old show. Fuck that shit.

Put cartoons on all fucking night. That's what you're on. night. Yeah. I don't even know why I talked about this shit. You were on Unsolved Mysteries. Yeah, I did that. I did that last time ago. I used to love that when I was like and he used to freak me out. It's like the, it's like the Theraman music you have. Like they used to play that as it was getting creepier and creepier. What year was that? Like 95 or something. That was like early on my career. And the guy I played, man, I looked like him a lot. I did you know what I'm saying? I shot that in Reading, California. And this is funny. That's a funny story. I'm sure you brought that up. You know, so I go out there and I'm all stoked there. So I'm in a

town Reading, California, right? Filming this is a reenactment, and they made this big thing out of it. You know, like they had my name in the front papers, you know, I mean DiVito comes to Reading, California, to reenact, so-and-so Castro, right? So check it out, bro. So I fly back home, and I have some shades on, and I was wearing a snitchat,

and I'm showing my tattoos and stuff. So check this out, man, so, and I have like about 20 copies of the fucking newspaper because, hey, I'm kind of proud. It's my first, you know, kind of gig, and I'm getting a lot of a variety of there, right? Take it to my mom and my family and shit. And then So I'm waiting for my ride and then a cop pulls up, another cop pulls up,

another cop pulls up, and they said, we need to speak to you, and I'm tripping now, because I'm just paying apart, you know, but it's too soon because it hasn't even nearly you. I just finished it, right? And they go, what's going on? They said, our supervisor feels that you're transporting drugs. And I said, okay, do you have any idea?

And I go, I sure do got ID. Then no more come. They surround me, bro, big time. Fucking LAX, right? So I pull out my ID and I said, look, I'm going to reach into my bag, and I'm going to give you something. So as they're looking at my ID,

I open up the bag and I fucking hand them all fucking newspaper with my face on the fucking headlines, brother, that I'm there, you know? And now all of a sudden, now I'm Mr. Rivera. I'm fucking, I swear to God, I'm fucking Mr. Rivera, right? And I'm fucking flossing like a motherfucker. I'm thinking I'm all bad and shit, right?

So they go, Mr. Reyes, I'm so sorry, you know, and then after they gave my shit, bro, I said, you know what? Tire supervisor? About 10 years ago, I probably was transporting drugs. Just like that, just the fuck them up, bro. Fuck you, you know what I'm saying? Fuck you.

Instant payback right there. So they stopped you in, ready? No, in LAX. When you landed. But I was kind of like, you know, that was like still young and still fresh, you know, off the streets. And I'm wearing a tank top and have tattoos and I'm wearing some dark shades and a cap. I kind of, maybe I fit the fucking profile. You diggers?

But don't fuck with me, you know, because I'll fuck with you back. And I did. You know, and I came up on top on that, you know? Fuck it. But it's, I mean, it still happens once in a while. You know, I mean, you know, the way I look, I look. You know, I can't change that shit. Like when I was, check this out, homie, like, it's saying shit, right?

So I'm fucking like about, let me see, five years ago, four years ago. So I'm already out of town. And I want to surprise you with this, with a nice rock, you know, you know, a wedding ring, you know. And I had to save some money, you know. So I went to fucking, I went to the sales or something like that, right? And so I go there, right? And I'm always, you know, I'm wearing a cap, you know, and some shades. And I dress like this, you know, fucking jeans, you know, regularly.

and then the lady, go, can I see you? I want to see your rings. And she goes, and she looks at me with that, you know, like, like really? Can't it look like, like really very, like disgusted look, right? To me, right? So she takes me over to the, you know, like the little quarter carrot, you know, which is cool. You know, I don't care about size rings.

I mean, I mean, I was looking for something a little bit bigger, but I'm looking for something nice for my wife, you dig. So she checks me over that, go, you know, those are beautiful rings, you know, but I'm looking for something a little bit bigger, you know? And I knew I was looking for two carrots, you know? And she goes, she looks and she gives me even the worst look like, like like I'm a piece of really Mexican that kind of shit right dog you're gonna rob me yeah yeah exactly you know

and then uh and I'm in the fucking mall bro it's like I mean I have to run to some fuck I have to run before to get away right yeah it's fear effect yeah it's fucking helicopters gods and fat dudes of little fucking skates and shit Kevin James yeah bro you know what I mean I'm not stupid and I'm not a thief you know anyway so she takes me over to like a half a carrot you know

and then again you know I could feel it already like this you know fuck this bitch right anyway i go you know what those are beautiful rings again i'm looking for maybe maybe two carrots carrot and a half and she looks at me like wow like like like really like now you now you're pushing the motherfucker right anyway so she gives me a fuck check this out joey okay so she brings a fucking carrot ring which was a beautiful ring and i knew i had about 25 years of spin because i had put that away from all ladies ring right so checks out you know when you go to a when you go to a jewelry spot they give you the mother fucking ring you can look at it the la you could take bro this is just give me the ring you're her okay but you hold the ring okay now

show me the ring okay now we're playing tug a war with there bro we're playing fucking exactly right exactly like that so then I fucking pull it away from her and then then check this out so I'm looking at it and she and she's like on me bro and then the kid in the back I guess he was restocking her some shit he comes out he goes oh my god Emilio Rivera bro I'm a big fucking fan you know the sons of anarchy guy You know, he dug the show. I go, hey, man, thanks a lot for watching, bro. All of a sudden, bro, this bitch fucking change, bro.

Now she takes me top shelf shit, bro. She goes, oh, you're, oh, my God, really? Okay. She still don't know who the fuck I am, but because the kid knows who the fuck I am. So now she takes me, now I'm going, now she takes me behind the fucking counter, bro. You dig her what I'm taking me these $35,000 ring. And I'm looking at now, bro, I'm playing the shit out of this. I'm going, you know what?

I'm looking at a $40,000 ring. I'm going, this might be the one. Because, you know what, now I ain't buying shit from her, bro. I'm talking about. No, you're not giving her a shit. I ain't going to give her shit, but I'm going to rock her, bro. The way she treated me, I treat her right back. And I say, you know what?

I'll be back. And I called my wife and I told her what happened. She was, nah, wait until I come home and we'll get her my ring. And I did, you know. But that's how people, people, they look at you when I don't like that shit. But treat everybody, just give everybody the benefit of the doubt. You dig what I'm saying, bro? Fuck that.

In her fucking face, bro, you know? It's like, that was like that scene in pretty women. When she goes in there by herself and they call her a dirty whore. and she shows her a richer gear with a credit card. Yeah, bro, exactly. They're rubbing her feet. You never saw that either. Yeah, no, I didn't.

No, you didn't, cocksucker. You never saw pretty women and stuff like that. That's terrible, bro. You know what I'm saying? How often does it still happen to you? Not very, most people, a lot of people, you know, I've been blessed there. Most people are some of the American fans, you know, so, or gang-related fans or different human beings. It's nice people.

But, you know, but I got to be honest with you. It changes how people treat you sometimes, you know what I mean? I know it's, you know, before, really, I mean, I used to be noticed, but after Sun's America, it became a, it opened a lot of door. You did. It opened a lot of people's, you know, a lot of fans, man, you know. Do you ever get that, Joe? Because you're a little more light-skinned.

A little bit more, what? Light-skinned. You know, man. Is that rude? I'm going to tell you something. No, no, no, no, it's not rude. No, I'm going to tell you something. Sometimes it's how you look, but sometimes.

as people judge you with energy. Oh, yeah, that's true. You know? Yeah, that's a good. I've never had a problem with Emilio. I'm going to tell you a story. When I was doing blow, and I was heavy into the blow,

I used to live in this building. And there was a black woman in that building. But every time I would walk past that lady, that lady would say something in my breath. About you? About me. After about a year, when they had called me, and I said, what the fuck are you talking about?

And she told me, she goes, you got to deal with your demons. she just started fucking going off on me. She was right. She was right, you know. And she felt something. It wasn't my appearance. I never did coke in front of her.

I don't drink in front of her, you know. But she knew I was doing something. Was I insulting? For about four or five minutes. And then I figured it out and I understood, you know. You know, you wear a fucking black jacket, black leather jacket. People were going to perceive you or something, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially if you're not on fucking TV. Yeah, but you know what, bro? I mean, that's not good, though. No, it's not good. I don't like that. I don't like that or not because, you know, when I was younger, and, you know, and, no, and give me wrong, I was like, you know, I was a gang mode and I was dressed like a gang member all the time. That was my, that was just who I was every day.

And, and people, you know, you see there are going to be a dirty look or a scared look. It was one of those look. It wasn't a, it wasn't a welcoming look. You did what I'm saying? And that's why, you know, I see, you know, whatever you are, you are, because. I was judged too many times, you know, so now and there's nobody, because I was really, I could be a nice guy. I mean, you fuck with you, I'll fuck with you back, you know, but I don't want to fuck with nobody. So just let everybody be.

You dig what I'm saying? Yeah, were you polite when you, like, met people? I was always polite unless you were a guy like me. If you were a gang guy, I couldn't be polite to you because I don't know who the fuck you are. You dig on. It just, that did the end. It was, you know, eat each other up. But if it were just a civilian, I was always polite to civilians because I'm almost brought up to be polite, you know, to be mad, to have manners.

So if you were just a civilian, we were. good all the time you know um and as you treated me bad then not be a dick you know but but if you were another chicano another gang member i was not i was like i was very like well you know i was i was ready to go you dig that's because they were ready to go just it's just fucked up bro you know what makes you think what black people go to and some chinese people and some you know guys we all go through some type of shit you know yeah i can't imagine what a black dude goes to look at some dude got shot last night you see that no i didn't know where Who got shot last night in some neighborhood.

Got shot because he put up a Charles Bronson finger. Oh, is that right? With the gun. Did the cops shoot him? They shot him eight fucking times. Yeah, the cops. They blast them eight times because he put a handgun up. That was his hand.

There was no weapon found. There was witnesses saying don't shoot him. They just blast them. Listen, man, we live in a different fucking society. We do. But I tell you, Joey, man, I'm on the, you know, because I got to see both sides all the time you're digging. And let me tell you, back in the day, I had that big month.

And I was a, I was like, I didn't go fuck. So I would call the cops. Like, you take off your badge, motherfucker. Let's go, you know? And I got my ass beat by the shares in East LA many of times, bro. There was nobody filming it because nobody had no fucking cell phones and shit. This is my time you dig. And I've been beat with flashlights, valley clubs.

I've been beat to fuck by the cops. But check it out. But I was a dick, bro. I was like, fuck you, punk, fuck you pig. I'll be like, I'll call you all. Take off your badge. Let me see how you are. So what it is is real simple.

Now, as I got older, when they Cops, they pull you over, put your hand on the dash, they're tied to talk to you in the mic. Put your motherfucking hands on the dash, honey. Put your motherfucking hands on the dash. I mean, don't come out. Like, I see one kid that felt so bad about a month, a year ago. And he turned around.

He was wearing an iPod headphones, and he picked up his shirt. Well, all they saw was something shiny. It was just an iPod. But, bro, just leave the motherfuckers shirt down. Let them find it. You dig what I'm saying? Don't show it up because it looked like a fucking gun. And they fucking lit his ass up.

Shout him in the head. He's done. You know what I'm saying? Just do what they tell you, bro. Don't try to run. Don't try to. And I used to be that dick too, bro. What they used to, you know, I used to like, like, I could, I'm stronger than you.

And I would, you know, strong arm them, strong armed cops. And they would just, you know, they would just jump you and beat the fuck out of you. You don't talking about? But I've been in the other, I mean, I've been putting the stray jackets. I've been putting everything. Bro, the cops have done their thing because I was an asshole. So just do what they're telling you to do. And you're going to probably be okay, bro.

Don't fucking put out. I'm not going to put a cop who's more right now, boy, I'm not going to put a finger on him, bro. Because he's going to say, because that justifies. That's four in the fucking morning. You're going to be playing games with fucking cops. Because you know, at the same time, bro, they're fucking, they're like, they're trying to prove a point.

They're on fucking edge. It's four in the fucking morning. They're always on the edge. They said they got a radio call of a guy robbing a bodega somewhere. When they pulled up, this guy was on a pay phone, and he turned around while he was talking and put his hand up. Now they shot them. There was witnesses, some fucking a bunch of people said that they heard a bunch of shots.

You know, it's all fucking confusing, but I don't know what color of the guy was. And it doesn't matter, but if you just, it doesn't matter what color you are, but if you just listen to what you're saying, you might. No, I know. You're going to, you might be okay at the end of the day, you know what I'm saying? But anytime you're a dick, they can be the biggest dick. They got a, they got a license to kill you, bro. That fucking bass goes a long way. You ain't got that, bro.

you know what I'm not saying it's right but man I mean just but they're I'm telling you something I'm in the street bro and I have a gun on me and I call you I say and you turn around you put I'm gonna shoot you bro me myself as a civilian you dig what I'm saying so you know it's it goes it goes both ways bro you know and I'm gonna be honest about that you know hey bro cop's job it's fucking hard I'm here to fucking tell you that's a hard job to do that's a hard job to do and after two three years realizing you're getting 36, $42,000 a year with fucking overtime.

What's $42,000 a year? You take home one. Take home one. What do you fucking take home? What do you take home? Like 30 maybe? What do you take home to do what? You don't know who you're pulling over.

It's every night that you go out, it's a fucking mystery. You never know if you're going to come home. You know what? After a certain age, I don't like mysteries. There was a girl in the Northeast. It was in the Boston Papers, but it might have been New Hampshire. she died in her first day I saw that

the first fucking day bro they did her ass up mom yeah it was like a domestic dispute or something yeah she went and the dude shot his old lady and shot her he's a ex-military guy too man he's fucked up you know he probably fucked up in the head a little bit and that she just sat all the way around

but he killed himself too didn't he I don't know no no no he didn't kill himself he killed his old lady and he killed the cop their first day on the job bro you know what I'm saying fuck that that's a tough job so You know, I'm not out there.

I just know that you hear things, you read things, you see things. And then you see a lot of times you see that the part where the cops being the fuck out of that person, but what led that to that? He just didn't go beat the fuck out of you. I'm talking about it. See, I got my ass beat a lot, but you know what? You were fucking with that dude for a few months. I know, I was fucking with him every Friday night when I was on the boulevard.

You know what I'm talking about? I wanted to get busy. I wanted to prove a point. I'm going to fuck up a cop. I really did. That was like, that was a, I could fuck everybody else up. And I said, if I can fuck up a cop shit, I'm fucking, that's a hero right there. And, you know, hood mentality, you dig?

Shit, I got the shorter to do every single time, brother. You know what I'm saying? You know, I can look in the face and tell you beside one misunderstanding in New York City, that was, I had nothing to do it. I was standing at the wrong place at the wrong time. I know you hear this all the time. I knew the guy, but besides that, I never had a problem with a cop. Every time I went to court, I made bail.

I know failure to appear. You know, I even used an alias one time and went back to court under the alias so he didn't have a warrant out for him. I've done that, brother. I'm one of those motherfuckers. But have you ever used an alias and anything comes up with a warrant?

Did I ever want? Ever used an alias and that aides comes up with a warrant? Never. That happened to me twice, bro. No. Yes, sir. No. Fuck, it happened to me twice.

Well, some dude, I used to be friends with the dude. And he's the weirdest thing. He called a friend of mine last week, looking for my number. I haven't spoken with them since 2009. I used to eat at this kid's house. In 1978, bro. He had three brothers.

Two of them died of drugs. He's the only one left. One night, I get married, I get home. And there's a note on my door. I'm getting sued by some credit card company. And I can't figure it out. So we go online and we fucking look at my credit report. I'm getting sued by 18 fucking people.

Damn. This guy stole my identity. That's fucked up, bro. And he bought stuff. But in the process of the whole thing, he goes, here's the best. I get pulled over one night. He tells him his name is Jose Diaz.

They got him a DUI. And he tells him he's me. What the fuck? He keeps telling him, it's me. He keeps telling him it's me. He keeps telling him, it's me. Little does he know. I'm under arrest.

In Seattle, I can't make bail over the holidays. That's funny, man. They keep asking him. He's like, I'm Jose Diaz. And they go, okay. And they show them my rap sheet. And he's like, no, no, I'm not Jose Diaz. Fuck you, man.

Listen, I sympathize cops' jobs. I always had. I couldn't be a cop. After three or four years, I couldn't do it. The faith that we'd have would break. were a cop? No, no, no, no, but I had a friend that was a cop. I had three or four friends that I grew up that were

cops, and I knew how they grew up. And I know that somewhere along the line, I heard different stories of them going fucking bananas, because, you know, like I tell people, when I was 15, my mom died, by the time I was 16 and a half, my spirit was broken. You know, I lost faith. What's that?

word I had my my system I didn't believe in God anymore I didn't believe my my my basic central belief system that broke yeah yeah I think when you're a cop and you see people who put kids in ovens and four or five years of that shit dog you go fucking crazy I know I would a whole different ball I quit right there that that type of shit burning and that that's it I'm done shooting your wife I got to show up in your head your wife's heads on a mattress I fucking turn off the lights, brother. I mean, you've been watching the people versus OJ? I've been watching that?

Yeah. I love that fucking series, bro. Let's talk. You lived here. What was going on, brother? What do you mean? What was going on in L.A. From the time, where were you when O.J. fucking was in the Bronco?

I don't, I remember I was watching him on TV. Right, you were watching a basketball game. Yeah, I was watching. And then, OJ would go off where I was, after all, he got out of, he got to quit it. He would golf where I golfed and got him. I would see him there at the golf course, you know what I'm saying? And little by little, he was not showing up to the golf course here and there, you know? But, man, you know, it's, I mean, we pretty much all kind of, like, came to our conclusions of what happened that night.

But now when I'm watching the show, it's like, man, it's good to know what happened on the inside, inside the ropes, you know, talking about it. It's a trip. I'm really having, I can't wait every Tuesday in that. I'm there. How many more episodes do that? I don't know. I really saw, that's not, last night episode was really good. That's when he started doing the glove don't fit kind of thing, you know, and, you know.

And I'm digging this show. And I got a few friends on the show, so it's pretty cool. You know what I mean? No, I love the show. I know it was going to be good from day one. And Judge Eda went to my high school, so they kind of tied it all in together. You know what I'm saying? So that's going to, you know, the guy that's paying Judge Eiff.

He's doing a great job right now. I'm really proud of him. Un-fucking-believe-well, how good that guy is. He's really good. And, you know, he was on Sons of Anarchy with us, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's somebody else on the show from Sonsz Anarchy, isn't there? No.

There's a, there's, there's, what, Jamal? Jambao That's right Who else There's a few of them bro You know So it's FX thing You know

And then Paula Paulson Or Sarah Paulson The one who's playing Marsha Clark She's doing a great job You know You know, she's from The freak show

You know Yeah She's so good man And that guy Who's playing Who's the main motherfucker There The main prosecutor

I mean The prosecutor No no Not the prosecutor Shapiro And the judge And the black Okay, no, John Trovota, say I mentioned, I've hung out with Shapiro, bro, in the past, you know, when it was done with all that shit.

And Trubota's chilling it, bro. Because that's Shapiro, bro. I hung on him for like 11 days. We're in Matuco, Mexico, Mexico together. But who's the man guy, the black guy, bro, the guy that's the guy who leads it? I forget. Cuba the engineer? No, no, no, no.

The, who took over Shapiro's job. Come on, man. Oh, Johnny Cocker? Johnny Cocker. That dude is killing there. That dude's really terrible. He's going to get, he's going to get some awards next year. Watch this, bro.

Yeah, they're all, they all doing a sensational fucking joke. Nathan Lane? Come on, those. Nathan Lane's. Nathan, oh, my God, I was so happy. I just watched that episode last night, the third one. And I came, I didn't want to, I didn't know if we could bring it up. But the Time magazine where they made him darker, we were just talking about races.

Like, they made them fucking darker. You know that? You know that? You know, you know, see that? That's crazy. It's weird how it is, man. But they're doing it. And, you know, being inside the ropes right now watching it, you know,

stuff that we didn't know about, and it makes it on, it's just a trip, man. It's a trip. And I like how they have the angle of, did she fuck Christopher Darden? She has a gesture. I don't think she has yet, bro. No, but they're already bringing it up on the websites, so you can already see where they're going with this. Right, right, right. But I love this shit.

Listen, when that shit was going on, it's my world. That was my secret passion to be a lawyer. All this is bullshit. Really? Yeah, all this is bullshit. Wow. All this is bullshit. I swindled my way into the University of Colorado.

And they said to me, you know what, man, you got to pick a major. And I picked history. And I went, before I picked a history major, I snooped around. And since I was a C-UOP student in Colorado opportunity to know because they were trying to get blacks and minorities. Right, right. Right. To the University of Colorado. I was like, fuck it.

Why am I getting that paper? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. And I went. And I met with the dean of the law school when he was a Mexican dude. Is that right? So I started talking to me. He's like,

don't. All you got to do is do the thing. Take the test. Take the client. I'll put you in here. That's what we're striving to do. I was right there, Amelia.

Wow. I was right. Fucking there. What made you quit, bro? I got arrested. You could still be a lawyer. You can't remember? No, with felonies.

Really? Yeah. I didn't know that. But, well, listen. I think you'll make you a better lawyer, bro. You dig all the shit. Well, in 1980, when I, came out, I would have had a 10-year thing to wait to get the felony as spunged.

Right. They said to me, this is what you could do. These are your options. You could go to law school, graduate, study for your bar, and not take your bar until your thing is expunged, but still work in a firm, maybe as a paralegal. But again, you're a felon. Half these corporations won't hire you with the fucking felony. So that's where you really were.

Now, paralegals, they're tremendous felons. Listen, let me tell you something. Somebody has to load their lip. A guy like Shapiro, for example, Shapiro, you know, he's never done anything wrong. He's an honest guy. Somebody's got to load his fucking lip. Somewhere along the line, when you're in a turn,

you've got to cross the line somewhere. Morality, you've done something. Look at later on. Now they come out with Johnny Cochran, had the two lives, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. These guys have life experiences. They know how to get around. They know how to swindle around, you know. So I don't want an attorney that's a fucking dead rag.

When I got divorced, I got this white dude. At this time, today, I want to look him up and shoot this dude in the mouth. Because I fucked up. I made a mistake with this dude. This dude had no divorce experience. He had nothing. You know what I'm saying? But that was my fault.

I didn't judge him correctly. I didn't shop around I've been there but I know what you're saying I know exactly what you say I got burned like a motherfucker bro shit My girlfriend's going through the process of becoming a lawyer and they have they have this Amazingly long process of like they you have to account for where you where you've been for like the last seven or so years You have to get people in the industry to like have a vouch for you and do like a reference with the bar and if you don't yeah yeah yeah it's tough though I know I didn't know that There ain't no fucking law in the bars. It's worse than being a cop then, right?

Yeah, and that's the fucked up part. You could go to three years of law school and just not pass the bar and not be able to be a lawyer. Like, don't practice a lawyer. Well, I can understand how passing a bar because you didn't, you know, whatever you did you miss the test. But to pass the bar and not be able to be because of your background, that's terrible, bro.

You know what I'm saying? I mean, Johnny Cochran, bro, that guy is smooth, bro. That guy, I don't know if that's who he was in life. I mean, he's playing the shit out of him, Because what I used to see, because I used to see the court, you know, it was just about every day when it was on, you know what I'm saying? But right now, me and my wife watch it together, she knows that story like the back of her hand, you know, it's a trip, you know. Yeah, you guys grew up here during that. Just the, yeah, people would see him.

I spoke to different people that would go to that coffee shop or they'd see Nicole at that Starbucks by Buddy. And I've done a couple of TV shows, you know, with one of his best friends who turned later on. You know, he'll show them. His name is Ron Schip. You know, he was a big thing on the testimony as well. I've done some things, you know, with Cato Caelin, you know, talking about some, because I remember there was one thing that publicists, I was doing this on Celebrity thing in Wartucco, Mexico,

and I guess they all had the same purposes because it was Robert Shapiro there, Cato Caelin was there, Ron Schip was there, and somebody else was there. So it was all, I guess. Ron Schip was the black cop. Exactly. Right. Exactly, yeah.

I don't think they got to his part yet, though, you know. I'm sure it's fucked up how the black dude died. Cochran died, Kardashian died. And, you know, Kardashian's the one that probably, he's the one that had the most heart of all of him. He was more like the compassionate guy. You did what I'm saying? You know?

Kardashian seemed like he really wanted to believe that this guy didn't fucking kill him. He did. I know. He really is his friend. But all the evidence was on his ass. This is your friend, man. You've eaten with both of them. This is like something that you sit there and go.

You just want, like, come on, how do we get to here? And that's what happened. But I like that twist he said about when he said, I didn't think it was a Colombian necktide. They started trying to make it like it was drug-related. You dig on the same? Which was a very good strategy, bro. You know what I'm talking about?

You know? Listen, there was a great strategy. I love how they beat them. I love all that law shit. I beat them. But Jesus fucking Christ, it was crazy. I can't imagine living in the area and that would happen. I'm like, what the fuck do you do?

You're like, Jesus. This motherfucker went to work, Jack. And at that time, I was going through a bad divorce. You were? Oh. So you could say you were like, yeah. You don't understand what I was going through. I was in my mind was cooking with this shit.

I'm watching this like, going this is how you get away with this shit. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But I got no money. I got to figure out how to do this on my own and go in there and fight this on my own. This was crazy. This was a crazy. And they basically won by the law. You did what I'm saying?

It wasn't, they didn't, because they were losing by evidence, bro. I mean, they were done. It's just that he got powerhouse attorneys, bro, and they knew how to work it, bro. He got the Yankees, bro. They did. He got the Yankees, you know, number three, four, five, six. They were just hiring people off CNN.

They were badass, bro. They were really smart. Even like last night's episode where Ethan said, Anthony said, let him ask to put the trial on the glove, you know, and that was really smart. That was genius. That was genius. And then he said, he goes, you can always object.

And he goes, no objection, Your Honor. That was so good, bro. My head fucking blew up. That was like. But that's five fucking, that's what you get. When you pay for that type of fucking genius, that's what you fucking get. You get five savages. And you know, it's funny because it is what you got, you know, because I remember growing up, you know, I never had no money for no attorney.

So I always had a public defender. And it's really weird because I remember I was facing a chart. I went three to five. And they said it was for something fucked up. and I've always had, I've always had public defenders, and they always tell you, tell me the truth, did you do it or not? It's not going to make a difference.

I'm going to defend you, but I want them, they always tell you that. And whether you did or not, you always say you didn't fucking do it, bro. I'm telling you right now. You know, I'm talking about fuck that. And I remember, and I went to the judge, and he said, if we plead guilty today,

how much we give him, we'll give him three to five. So she said, can we extend this to tomorrow? And he said, yeah, so check this out, bro. So she goes, yeah, that guy is that. that judge is an asshole. So I have a public defender at the time. I've always had a public defender for different cases. And she,

so we come back the next day and he gave me three years formal probation, bro. From three to five years in the joint, I got three years from a different judge because they're all in cahoots together, bro. As far as the public defenders and all that, they're all together. They all have coffee.

They all do that together, bro. You digger. Well, I was telling Lee, here's how it works. You and I get pinched together. If you get pinched first and process first, I win because you get a public defender. I get a public appointed attorney. I get a court attorney.

So now I get a real fucking attorney that the state pays for. Even though we got busted together, we can't both of us be with the same department of public defender. I didn't know that. A lot of people don't know that because that's conflict of interest. Right. Makes sense. You get the thing lifted.

So listen, the whole thing that I've been telling Lee for years because I love all that stuff. I grew up in it. Emilio, my mom and dad were always in trouble for bookmaking. And after a while, all those Spanish people went to one particular attorney. And his name was Sam DeLuca. And when I was a kid, I would go there. I was the interpreter.

Oh, okay. To me what I said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said, tell you saying the people. So I would go, I'd be fucking ten. Wow. I used to have to go to school from Sunday to Thursday, Catholic school. school and I would sleep that.

And there was weeks, I would come home and go, you're not going to school this week, because you've got to go to the attorney with me. I would look at least in the Julioiorese to see what that Jew saying. Wow. And I would go down there, and I remember this is, this guy gave me a, this guy had, I went in there. Momua, look at what I said to bea deempa.

Because you thought of Pina, I think of a day, you know, the people, so she would take me down there, and he would tell her. Like, he would break it down for, you know what this was going on? He would speak like a little Spanish. That's how good of a sheister he was. He always wore a beautiful suit, and he had a bang and blonde assistant that always sat in the room with her. She had big tits, and he would dictate to her.

But he had a secretary. But if he showed up to meet you, he had this blonde with us. I mean, he was fucking it. And he basically would show up, and she'd be in the room. And he'd go, get me the Tuero file. De Norris he offer a cocktail, you know, whatever. They drink scotch. He would drink a scotch.

I mean, this motherfucker was smooth. They'd sit down and they'd tell the norm. This is what happened. The guy that called your bar was an undercover cop. When you picked up the phone, that made you an accessory to that dry. I never forget. This was one of the many ones. And he'd go, listen to what we're going to do.

We're going to have to fight it. In Union City, I got this. But in Patterson, that guy could be taken care of. So this is what we're going to do. And this is an easy situation. He'd take a piece of paper and he'd go, this is what it is. This whole thing, if you plead out, they give you eight. I know.

You're going to say, you can't do eight. I agree with you. I don't want to do eight either. This is great, right? Oh, this is fucking brilliant. And the guy will go, this is what we're going to do. If you give me $150,000 cash, plus my legal fees, I'll get you 24-month probation. You know, and then he'd run it backwards.

If you give me $100,000, I'd give you eight months in a can, and the rest probation. You give me $50,000, I can get a year in work release. So you had options. Yeah, bro, yeah, that's true. And I remember me going to tell him my mom, my mom, but what do you see in my peso, bro, hey, but what can you send me peso? He was explaining this to you as a 10-year?

Yeah, and I'd be sitting there. Wait, when he's doing, he's translating for him. I was just translator. And then I would tell her, and then she'd go, okay, and then she'd have to go home and talk to my stepdad, and she'd go to the bar, and they'd tell him, and then they all call him a thief. He said, like, they put him a lago de lanka de luka of a pinga.

So, wait, he wanted that money on top of whatever he was going to charge them for the legal? Legal fees are fucking, but that $100,000, that $150, he'd take it to the prosecutor in Newark. He'd take it to a judge there, and he'd spread that, and he'd take that case back to Newark. you know like let's say the the court the case was out of Patterson the situation I'm talking about this particular time was out of Patterson New Jersey he wanted to bring the court the case back to Union City which is Hudson County in Jersey City so he goes what we'll do is we'll have them

drop the charges and we'll have Union City's charges stick for something stupid and you'll do a year probation and they won't fuck with your liquor license you know what I'm saying so we had options We had a menuly. A menu. That's the best way to put it, bro. We had a menu. But the thing is, even though if you did do it, you still say you didn't do it, that way, your menu still stays like this.

You dig what I'm saying? Because you might have that lawyer who has that heart and says, you know what, I ain't going to help this motherfucker who did something bad. You know what I mean? So they're supposed to help people, but you don't know everybody's heart, you don't know everybody's mind, you know, so always be innocent, you know? Listen, when I turn myself in for the kidnapping, I kept saying, I didn't know what the fuck, I didn't know what the fuck was going on.

I kept telling him, I don't know what the fuck's going on. And they kept saying, well, you're here for a reason. I said, yeah, because the guy's called my work. And they said for me to come in. I played it like a fucking fool. And when I met with that attorney, nothing to fucking clink. Because I got out with a different attorney. But then I got another attorney.

That's how I stalled the court. By getting another attorney, I kept pushing it back. But when I hooked up with this dude, I had to pay him, Emilio. He wanted money up front. This is an attorney attorney, attorney, attorney, not a public defender. No, I had an attorney attorney. Right, right, okay, cool. And I remember I talked to like two or three different ones,

and the money was just astronomical. This is for a crime, though, right? Yes, this is for a crime. It's asked. Every time you have to deal with an attorney, listen, you rather be safe than sorry, especially through legal contracts. You always find something in these fucking games

or something in these fucking TV shows. You always find a fucking, by the way, they're dirty as fuck. It's worth paying the $500 or whatever the fuck. What do you mean? What have they done to you? Hit him, Amelia. What's the shit they put up in contracts that we don't even see? Oh, no.

You know what? No, as far as that, that's been good to me because my agent is very thorough, bro. You're talking about it. So I've been good. You have a legal attorney, though, also. I think they have what we're at, though. Where you're at, right. So what they do, they're very thorough.

And then they'll say, well, you know, where there's the only thing that worries us a little bit. and what do you think about that now? There's a way around that. So I'm really, it's good to have an agent who has a good attorney. And then, because out of the stuff, because I don't got time to read. I don't even fucking understand. Some of the half the stuff I read, bro, you don't mean?

So that's their job. You know, that's why we pay them, you know. But as far as, but I've had to deal with attorneys through my divorce, and that was no fucking job. That was the worst ass fucking I ever got in my life, yeah. That was the karma. When I paid for those attorneys, Do you know, Lee, I got separated in 1991, and I have no reason to lie to nobody in this room.

Do you know, in 1997, I was still making payments to the attorney monthly? Yeah. Do you know, I didn't pay that attorney off until 1998, I got that Taco Bell commercial. Wow. Seven years. That's belonging to the fucking car. You know how much money I gave that car, that guy up front? Do you know how much money I gave that guy off my cards, my credit cards?

Wow. I went over max on all my cards to. pay those guys. Wow. There was a point when I was working for the sports betting service, I was giving those guys $500 a week just to see my daughter. Just for the communication back and forth. It was craziness.

I remember looking at my ex-wife going, do you know what the money that we're spending? We're going to put it through college already, $4,000 a month for two years. We've been arguing back and forth. And you know what sucks about that is, you know, my her attorney was $80,000, my attorney was $60,000.

And it could have been done, bro. At $30,000, it could have been done quick. I know. It's just that they want to drag it on, bro. We're going to do it until you're broke, motherfucker. You know, yeah, bro. And when you're married, you got to pay that shit. The man pays for that.

The second time around when you guys are divorced and you want to do the own shit, that's on the room, on them. But the first time around, bro, that's all. That shit cost me. I pay for, listen, I didn't pay the whole bill off what year we know right now. 2016. 2012. Wow.

When I paid the bill off of it, divorce in 1991. Wow. Yeah, and all that money could have just been, like, put aside for us, you dick. And I told it, I said, look, look, man. We could stop this right now. Whatever money I have left over here in the bank, you know, we could spit 50-50. Don't give it to the other, you know, 50 to him, you know?

And she kept on going with it, man. I said, I know it's a ugly thing, bro. But it's just that, it's that fucking hate. Like, I'm going to get you back some kind of way. Well, motherfucker, you're the one that they fucked it all off anyway. You know what I'm saying? So what the fuck's going on over here, you know? It was fucking crazy.

It's ugly, bro. The divorces, I don't wish that on nobody. I don't know how you feel, Emilio, but I know Joey, you're not fond of your ex-wife. Is it part of it just the amount of money? You just get mad thinking, like, they lost that amount of money? Money is one part of it. Money is one part of it. The fucking sadness of partying with it, the sadness of making it,

and you're giving it to somebody to argue for you. It was, when I didn't have it, I was not. in that position to do that at all. I was living in a fucking basement apartment with a Trinitron. I used a bench for a table. I had a couch. My bedroom was a mattress. There was no

furniture in the bedroom. The place was clean. It was immaculate. The shower. I kept everything clean. That's not the point. I lived like an animal with paying attorney. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, when I got into comedy, it was just to disappear. I was like Clint Eastwood when he went to Italy and made those three movies.

I took those triple runs in Mondi. tan and all that shit and I disappeared. I would show up at hotel. I totally. I would show up places and they'd go, dog, the phone for you. Hello. Mastercard. Joey, how are you? You're over $6,000.

You know what? That's like they found out my comedy haunts. Yeah. You have no... Divorce is something that... And they dig, brother. They'll be digging. And that attorney's job that you're paying him to dig into your shit.

I mean, you're paying her attorney to dig into all the money you make or whatever money you make. money, you know what I'm saying? Did you guys have pre-naps? You know, on the flip side of that, you know, I did, I brought her, I had made everything with her, you know, I had owned, I had owned like four homes, and at the time we broke up. So I had a lot of, I had a lot of, I had a lot of stuff, you know, to, property and cars and motorcycles and a little bit of money here and there, and they dig it all up, bro.

You know, they dig it all up. And even the stuff that you thought you had hid, that shit comes up, too, bro. You know what I'm saying? That's their job, and I'm not, you know. Like I said, I would have still loved to be an attorney. I always leaned towards criminal attorney because I grew up in it. I saw how it was done. I saw it was all connections.

I saw that it was simple. You went, you went for the prosecutor's office for six or seven years. You made yourself around. You got to know everybody. And all of a sudden, one day you go, fuck it. I'm switching this motherfucker. For a long time I was on defense. I'm on offense now.

It's a different game. I fuck $60,000 a year to prosecute motherfuckers. Now let me go on the other side of the ball. You know everybody. You know everybody. And my specialty is drugs. How's that for you? So you get busted by LAPD for drugs.

That's my motherfucking specialty. Okay? Pretty soon you get yourself two, three fucking dudes that get off. Guess what? That's word of mouth. That's better than Twitter, Jack. What are the name of your law from being? You got that right.

But it has to have something Jewish. Deers and Cohen. Diaz and Cohen, dog. And I'll tell you what, I wouldn't have had the families, but I would have had the street knowledge. And the lingo. And I would have spread money around

to learn what the fuck was going on. That's the number one thing is knowledge. You know, listen, it was no, it's no fucking, listen, if you put the Yankees up against a AAA team, they're going to beat them. 10 out of 10 times.

The LAPD, the L.A. District Attorney's Office at the end of the day, did not have the tools to beat OJ's team, even with fucking evidence. That's how much money could buy law. Law is basically and simple. What is it? What do they say? Lifting the doubt? Reasonable doubt.

Reasonable doubt. And if you watch what happens in the OJ trial, that's it. That's exactly what they did. Reasonable doubt. A drug dealer did it. A reasonable doubt. Go on and sprinkled the fucking thing. And they described how he did it, which is brilliant.

I'm telling you how he did it. I'm a Marine. If you remember the case, they go into a detail with the fucking guy, Nathan Lane, when he says to him, how'd you do it? You hid in your sock like a fucking Marine. I was a Marine. That's how I would do it. He drew the picture for all those things. are brilliant in the defense you're not going to go in and not know how he did it listen let me

tell you something you let me tell you the type of criminal I am when you tell me something happened if you take me to the crime scene and you give me a day I'll tell you how it went that because I was there I know exactly how that thing went down I know exactly how they went in I know exactly now it's too high tech I'm 30 years out of burglaries this shit like that. But back in the day, you give me the layout, I knew exactly, because that's what I did all day. For years, I walked around, looking at

a building going. How would I get in there? Yeah, yeah, that's a criminal mentality. I tell you, you know, like, now this is hard to be a criminal now, bro, you know what I'm saying? Now, they can't catch you with cat hair on your pants, you're done, you're done. You cannot, you know, you can do legally bookmaking? You got cameras. I'm wearing this Fitbit right now. This motherfucker telling me

everybody knows where I'm at right now, bro. You know what I'm saying? We've got these phones, everybody knows where you're right now. That's communism. You don't even know how communist that is. That cell phone. I'm re-watching the last season of House of Cards before the new one. They can search facial recognition just from street. Like, you can't get away with shit no more. No more. The body's over.

They'll find you. The body's over. Yeah. I mean, you guys shit now that you're using nowadays that shit, getting stuff that happened 30 years ago, brother. You know what I'm saying? Like that. It's a scary. I mean, it's a good thing, but it's scary at the same time, you know? Fucking something to catch up to you. You never know what it's going to be. How long did it take for you to not look at a house in case it? There was a time.

I got, you know, there was a time. I would drive down streets and look at houses in my imaginary criminal mind. I'd decide that in that house there was drugs, especially when I lived in Colorado. Because in Colorado, Colorado was the midway point. So instead of sometimes they would get drugs in from Texas, and they would take them in Colorado and park them for a few days, then distributed from Colorado to L.A., Montana, Minnesota, you follow me.

And I knew. I knew a couple people that would tell me, you see that place over there? That place is filled with Coke. You see that van there? There's cameras there. You know, when I was a kid, I saw this, but I grew up thinking like that, but probably 20 years ago, when I started it.

In fact, sometimes I look at places. and I still do security. I'll come up here for a second. What the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck is wrong? You got to put two blocks on that. You got to put a window on that. You got to close that fucking gate.

That's the first thing I look at. My wife's got a big purse now. Yeah, there, see, opening up the purse. I go, come here. Did you see the guy behind? I know. I go, the big other purse, the big of the target. Okay?

If you're going to fight me, you're going to kick me in the stomach. Don't kick me in the head. I got a big head. Well, look at the stomach. You can't miss. You're following me. So the bigger the target, the more I can jiggle your purse. I look at people and I can break them down.

I can tell. Wow. You know, I had friends that were professional pickpockets. I can never do that shit. But I see them. I see people that are giving you their money. I see the fucking whole thing go down. When I look at a, I look at a, now you can't, you can't do nothing because there's

cameras. Unless you break into a place and you know exactly where it is. It has to be an insight kind of thing. It has to be an inside kind of thing. You know exactly where it is, and you're in there wearing a hood. Well, see, I was never, me, myself, I was never a thief guy. You know, I was always a, I guess, you know, a fuck you up kind of guy, you know what I'm talking about? So I never really, and so I'm a very trusting guy as well.

Another thing, too, try to fuck him, rob me. I remember real fast, so you better be able to fucking run, homie, because if I catch you on, kick your head. You know what I'm saying? I have no problem doing that, but I will not steal from you. You dig what I'm saying? So when it comes to that, I'm very trusting, bro, because I, I, I'm, you know, I don't, I hate thieves. I hate fucking thieves.

And, um, I got, I caught, I caught, I've caught thieves before, you know. I mean, literally red-handed and I fucked them up, bro. I mean, that was a good time to fuck them up because, you know, because, you know, they took your shit, you know, or they tried to take your shit, you know? But, yeah, I've never, I've never been. Did you get in trouble for it or no? No, because they were hoodlums too, bro, you know what I'm saying? So, no, fuck, no, no, I didn't come.

Amelia, when I was a kid. No, no, no, no, I did. It was a street thing. When I was a kid, I never in my life thought of stealing nothing from nobody. Nothing. Nothing. Like, I remember when I was six,

I had to go to a place one time with my family. And they were like, Os Antonio, you're out there, but that's what a bang is. And I wouldn't do it. My mom said something to me. I see. She was like, I don't know. Pindel.

Take a piece of bread. They're not going to say. nothing to you. And I remember it was like a sample. Like I could break it, like I wouldn't do it. Yeah, yeah. And then I started going into a poorer section of New York. I started hanging out by my godmother's house.

And I started hanging out with these kids that had nothing. Right, right, right, right. So that mentality fucking put me in arms. And then a year later, we had to take a flight to Puerto Rico. I don't know if you remember the 70s, if you flew first class in the bathroom, that was creams and shampoos. Hand conditions.

Oh, yeah, the 70s was different in first class. There was flowers in there. You sniff the flowers. The sink worked. I go in the bathroom one day, and I see those perfumes. I go back to my chair. My dad, my mom asleep, and I take the fucking puke bag. And I go to the bathroom.

I fill that motherfucker up all those creams. And mind, me and my buddies will sell these. That's funny. That's funny. These got to be expensive. That's not. But that's not steamy, Joey. I mean, yeah.

Come on. And I was telling him leave the other day, my stepdad had this jar of fucking coins. Like he had a big bottle of a do-word, not do-was, J&B or something. I mean, it was huge. You got it from the distributor. And it was filled with pennies and silver dollars.

And every afternoon I would take two or three silver dollars. You know what I'm saying? I would kill him. He asked me. I don't know what happened to me, Emilio. But then the drug epidemic destroyed me. And my big thing was flipping weak drug. dealers, like punk-ass

bitches. They thought they were cool. They can't call the cops and you, yeah. No, so when I was a young guy for 20 years and we were cool and all of a sudden he started slinging coke and all of a sudden he was Scarface and I knew this motherfucker that I could take you, you know that I would take you know what I'm saying? Like, are you fucking kidding me? Talking to me

like that, dog. I would. I'll take your shit right now. I'll take your shit right now. And then you would and I would and I would go, oh my God, I would cause so much fucking havoc. That's fucking 40. But if you see, was he, my thing was you know my dad had me working since I was eight years old I was paying rent I see paid 30 dollars a month dollar a day and then when I got paid I had to give my dad

$15 for rent you did so have my check every every fucking paid you right I just throw the paper back the day and then uh so my dad's biggest thing was stealing you work like a man you make money like a man you don't need to steal so I've always been working bro right and just and just top it all out bro and you know when I was 21 I get busted for a robbery arm robbery right and it It wasn't me. It wasn't me. They came in my fucking jail cell. I was, I was an armed guard. And the lieutenant comes in there and fires me in my fucking cell, right? So out of all these time, I was 19, they fucking, my dad's in court when me fighting a robbery, the most, it was the most humiliating thing for my dad, even though I couldn't say who did it because this was a

neighborhood thing, you dig. And so you have to ride the beef. Wherever it gets caught, that's who rides a beef. And I wrote that beef. That's the way it is, brother. Yeah, I said, we're doing the time for somebody else. But, you know, but then again, people have done time for me. You dig what I'm saying? So, you know, it's just part of a neighborhood thing, you know? And I fought it for two years, and then I ended up beating the fucking case.

But the thing is, see, I was kind of, in the same time, see, even though when I was doing, I was heavy into drugs, my word was always good. So you could front me like an eight ball. I'd pay you the fuck if you could find me an ounce. The thing was, like, I was like kind of like, I was always like a mean guy. So I'd go to your house at three in the morning. And I know it's late to go pick up drugs, but I'd be like, listen. They'd be like, hey, it's kind of late, homie, you know, and I say, yeah, I can do this.

You can front me this shit because, you know, my word is good, or I can take all your shit. What do you want to do? And they would just front me the shit, of course, because nobody wants to take up your shit, you know what I'm saying? But I was always a nice guy that way because my money, my word was always good and seeing the streets, bro. Sometimes that's all you got is your word. You know, you got nothing else but your word, you know, and that's going to carry you a long way, you know, and that's just the way I was. And that's just the way I was, you know, and you would get your money. But if you didn't want to front me, I would take your shit.

You know what I mean? so usually everybody would just front me, you know? I used to get pissed off of people. Like if I was a solid dude with a person, then I asked for a solid, and they were looking at me the wrong way. I would say, that's cool,

but I always kept it in mind. I always held that like that little brudge. Oh, no, fuck that. Especially when you're fucking jonesing, bro, for a fucking a hit or fucking,

for any kind of hit, bro, fuck that. You don't want to be telling you, no, because I'll drop the motherfucker with that shit. Oh, my God. They would tell me, no. get pissed.

And I would just remember. And Doug, there was one dude that pissed me off for four fucking years. That's too long. Do you understand me? Do you understand me? You ever have somebody pissed you off

for four motherfucking years? How about you? I don't got that patience. This guy pissed me off the first day in high school. Oh, in school. Oh, yeah, all the time. Like, he pissed me on.

What do he do? I have no idea. His existence pissed me on. He lived with his mother, but his grandmother's, His grandmother was half-retarded, and his father had left his mother. This kid just bothered me, dog. And like he was, you know those people that crack little jokes about Latinos or something?

He was one of those guys. Like, he'd invite me to his house to watch football. And he'd go, oh, you know, I got to watch the silverware. Even if, you know what I'm saying? Like, stupid shit, the dumb shit that, you know, it doesn't insult me. But what do you got to say that shit for? You know what I'm saying? And then he was one of those idiots that got a nice car

When everybody liked his father but his father wouldn't come around And you could see he was half retired And then one day he got into a beef and it was his fucking beef He created the fucking beef The dude showed up with 10 fucking Puerto Ricans And the dude goes, I want to fight you You gotta fight him what do you want it to do? The next day he was mad at me and my buddies

Like this guy should have fucking done something Why was she we do something? You hit on the dude's girlfriend The dude came back like a man man. He could have just came out of the woods and hit you with a stick. This guy came like a man, accused you and said, let's do this shit, and you fought

him and he knocked you the fuck out. What the fuck do you want from? He was a clean fight, but I never forgot that. That the next day people were going to talk. He's saying that about you guys that you guys stood around. No way they didn't, stood around. Did he get jumped or just No, he didn't get fucking jump. That's on him, bro. The dudes, he pulled up at the wrong

person. He pulled up to see the chick and the dude was there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He got busted. flat out bust and there we are you know and the dude said dog what up with this you know she's fucking been talking to me since he was a kid yeah fuck you what the fuck

what are these guys doing here dog we're gonna have to do this the right way they blasted themselves with 22 punches the dude I was with and the whole way home the dude was pissed motherfucker broke my know okay about a week later I'm hearing all this stuff about the guy

then I would see him and he'd be cool but there was always a fucking remark and then he graduated high school and he went to work. But one summer he got us all jobs in the neighborhood, roofing. And it was like fucking slave wages. And we had to be that son of the morning. It was a tough gig. And one day, one of the roofers almost fell off the roof.

And he's like, give me a hand. And my friend clapped. Everybody got fired. So he was always pissed on everybody for that summer thing, junior year in high school. And he always made little fucking comments. And then the cocaine boom came. You know how cocaine was, bro.

When that shit came, people that didn't do nothing wrong were doing shit that was wrong. Hell, yeah. And this mother-in-lawed-up. This shit got, like, one of those white shirts that are, like, Coke rocks in the pussy, and he'd do it deep. He said, fuck it.

This bitch needs blow. I got to just become a dealer. And that was my moment to shine. I knew he had coke in the house. And he had the retarded aunt or the retarded grandmother, and she was in the kitchen watching novellas. You know, I walked in there with her in the kitchen. I was not a big,

guy, but I was always light-toed. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, I was like a vampire. I had like vampire toes, not like fucking Auschwitz foot over there. And I walked in, and I fucking took his fucking blow, like a gangster, and walked out

and he came to my house. And I know it's you, and I did the smartest thing. I went to the Delio and borrowed a 20. Because I knew he was going to go to Delioleone and see, you say, Corkin? He was, yeah, he was just here. He just borrowed a 20. He took the bus ride home. So we set him out. It was like, O.J., he couldn't do that to me because I had a defense.

You follow me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was fucked up. Where does the cocoa come from, Joey? I've known you all these years, but I don't know what the fuck. When I was a kid, I was, I'm so white that my dad, man, I said, oh, I don't want to do it. I don't blanco go mucco. Oh, right on, dig it, dig it, okay.

So it stuck. And it's stuck, yeah. It stuck. I didn't like it, but it's stuck. No, as a cool is, it's cool. But then when I moved to L.A., I just couldn't use Joey Diaz. There was already a Joey Diaz and SAG. Yeah.

So the guy goes, you got a nickname. I go, Coco. And you know, it's crazy. People will call me and they go, oh, my God, I love Coco. You know, he's fucking communist. It's good. It's good. Lee, what's going on over there in your world?

Look at the shape of you. He's eating pot cookies. He's getting all fucking crazy over there. Let me give some shoutouts real quick here. My main man, Sean Barrett, Ashley Crow, Michael Hutter, Brandon Carrier, Dan Roskowski, Diana, Mateo, Reggie Bartlett, and the whole

fucking church family. I love you, Cocksuckers here. Emilio, boom, boom, Rivera in the fucking house. Lee, what's going on here?

In 46 bomb, I saw you on Instagram and you said this dude is freaking hilarious. So that's for you, Joey, right there. 46 bomb.

Wherever you are, I'm reading all your comments right now, man. Oh, this is from Jack M. Knight. This is who we saw in Vegas. Joey Diaz.

You know, great combo. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Thank you, Frank Panky, 22. Right on. No, there's a nice night, man. Listen, I got to tell you something. People fucking miss Sons Anarchy.

People really fucking miss Sonsa Anarchy. I know Opie went over to some show with Vikings, ugly fucking people. That ain't going to work. That ain't going to work, Oak. The outsiders. The outsiders, a bunch of people. I'm stabbing people.

I'm digging it, man. I don't know if it's Sons of Anarchy. Sons of Anarchy did this thing that created this thing, and it was just, you know, it was something that nobody had seen before. It's just the wild one, you know what I'm saying? Right, right. I mean, yeah, Dane Cook Road motorcycles with that would fucking the basketball player that was Dayton Madonna in that one movie and shit like that.

But none, nothing about a fucking motorcycle gang and how they did it. And you want me to tell you what the craziest thing is? I think we had this discussion last time. The comparisons between Miami Vice. And fucking sons, like all the same little aspects, how they added the music during the chases, all the little fucking cool, like cool music. It makes it cool even more cool. It makes it even cooler, you know.

There's so many little things. They play Miami Vice from like five to eight every morning on El Ray Channel. Robert Rodriguez plays the old. Lee, you're right over there. You're falling asleep. I'm good. You matched that picture perfectly. That guy did a fantastic job.

That's great, man. Oh, my God. You know, they're going to, it's, listen, when I was a kid, there was the courtship of Eddie's father. Great, sure. There was the family affair. You know, and then they blessed it.

Then they blasted you with the motherfucking Walton's. Remember that? You know, then they blasted it. They had all these family shows. That were just brilliant fucking shows, but they were all in that family genre. Right, right. And then CBS.

Strong family values, bro. Strong family values. Then after 9 o'clock, Hawaii, 5-0 would come on on Mondays. Manix. Manix. The fat guy, what was the? Cannon. Cannon, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cannon was 400 pounds, leaning. He'd go like this, and the bullet would go around them. Tremendous. Cannon. Cojacked. Beretta. There was Beretta. Toma was first.

Who was? Toma. Toma. Toma. It was first. Oh, my God. Remember that? There were all these shows, and you sit there, and they did a lot.

They did a lot. You know, in a way, Sondonat Live did a lot. The Mott Squad. Seidfeld did a lot. The Mott Squad, room 222, that came after the Mots Squad. But that was kind of family-oriented. Yeah, it was all very family-oriented. There were all these shows.

And there was only three networks. Right? Two, four, and seven. There was no fucking Fox yet. So all these family shows, man. And all of a sudden, like, I think, just didn't, I don't know, I'm just a dummy. Okay, since I've been around.

I didn't like the fucking show, but did it set a tone for TV? Cheers. I watched it more after it was done because everybody made a big deal about it. And actually, it was great cast of characters, bro. It really was. You know, they really was.

To me, the last really good cast, a comedy show, and the proof is in the pudding in my world is taxi. so many people came from one of the best ever so many people came from taxi I've seen a couple episodes I've got to watch it You gotta watch it

Just for arguments sake What do you think about friends I mean it's not I've never really watched it Friends did something different Friends set a tone You know Now more fucking morons act of goofy

Everybody acted goofy Not more people Now these fucking Gentiles Acted goofy and that When friends came out Because when the friends come out, let's be honest, okay, I'm just for the sake of argue, I have no idea. But taxi, bro, is the shit, bro. There was, there was, a, the colors that came out of that, bro, you know?

94. 94. Okay, I got divorced, and I started dating this girl, and that's all she fucking never did. Was watch friends? Was watch friends. And her and all her goofy friends, that's what they did. They went and drank all. That's why we're not together anymore.

I mean, you know, it was just, it was too fucking. Really? It was too goofy for you? It was too goofy for me. I came from a day. What can mean drink coffee? Who drinks coffee? You're 22. You should be on sucking deck. What coffee? What fucking coffee? Who drinks coffee in your 22? And you actually probably said that to her?

Bermatim. Excuse me. Gentlemen, I get this fucking allergy season that's destroying my insides here. I didn't know. That was a different... Listen, man, when I was 15, you went out every night. I only watched fucking TV, okay? When I was 15 on Saturdays, if you had a girlfriend, you stayed in maybe, maybe on Saturday night. And you swap spit during the love boat and the fucking midgette with the island and the whole fucking thing.

We were you fucking kid. And then you stayed awake when grandma went to bed and your finger doing a midnight special. And stunting that live, you'd watch Don Curses, rock concert and shit. Yeah, Wolfman Jack. It was cutting-edge TV, but not. Listen, man. the Sopranos started away the shit

The shield first The shield first And the Sopranos started something That the son's anarchy ran with They knew what happened with the Sopranos The chick died That destroyed the whole fucking show Once the mother died

That fucked the whole show up They ran with it Jemma lived for the whole thing To the last season That's what they wanted with the Sopranos For it to turn over to a woman at the end At the end If she would Olivia

able to live. The pilot was the whole show is driven for at the end. It's him and her. But she's really running the family. Did the actress die or did she get fired? She died. Okay. She died the second or third season. I don't know. Oh no, I know she died in the show. Right. She died the second or third season. Why did they kill her off? No, she just died in real life. Oh, okay. Then they used her head for two episodes, her pointing at them, and then she died. She immediately died. which was, but that was their plan. Was at the end, it was going to be a woman who ran this family through the son. I could see that.

Okay, that's what it was supposed to be. The same happened three years with sons of anarchy. She was the, what do you call the hierarchy of the family? Matriarch. Matriarch of the family. Yeah, yeah. And she, you know, they all fell apart if something happened to her. And then over the seasons, they tried to fucking rape her and pull her hair and steal the truck.

She was talking. You know, they did everything to her, and they came together for us. So that's the soprano sort of wanted. You know, breaking bad is very intense. You know, I know people have been fucking hit me up lately about Narcos. Is it back or not back yet? Let me check, I don't know. I haven't seen it.

Is it good? You haven't seen it? I haven't seen it. It's good. Yeah. Yeah. For me and you, very interesting. It's like, again, look at it, if you're 24 right now, if you're Lee and you're watching

OJ, you're into it, but it's an education to you. It is, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an education to you. But if you lived, it is more, I'm just interested because I'm seeing, like I said, I'm inside the ropes now,

and it's a trip, bro. It is a trip, you know, how smart they were. You know what I mean? How really, it's interesting, bro. It's interesting, you tell me that you wanted to be a lawyer before because, uh, I never would think that from you, but that's good, man.

No, I love that. I can't. You got your mind going all the time. I can't explain to leave. Neither can you who OJ was to you and I. OJ was a badass, bro. Was I a fan of OJ?

Was I a fan of the Bills? No. But let me tell you something, dog. If Monday night football was on and OJ Simpson was playing on Monday night football, Lysayette, you watched that fucking game. Whether you hated the bills, whether you were in the conference,

because that's how much, that's how good he was. He was a bad ass. He would smile. The camera loved. him, you know, he was non-assertive, you know, you just loved him. Then he's running through airports. Harts, yeah.

You know, I never... Would it be like LeBron James or something? Blonde, Blonde what? I said maybe LeBron James? No. Yeah, well, you know, different sports, but I mean, he would be like, he was like a, shit, like a Frankl. They were all the same time.

Who do you really like on New England Patriots? Tom Brady, I guess. Whatever. Tomorrow when you woke up. And Tom Brady killed Michelle, boom, boom, boom. Okay. And they found the glove. Or that Kobe killed his old lady.

Like that. Like that. That's fellow basketball. Like, but that's how big it was. And then, but I want you to have a stake in it. You don't have a stake in Kobe. For some reason, at that time, the country had a stake in OJ. You had, you know, then he went on to Monday.

Football movies. I wore his jersey when I was a kid. Yeah. Once he started doing. Once she started doing movies, forget it. You fucking love DoJ Simpson. Yeah.

It's coming out in August. What is? Narcos. Oh, it's coming back? Yeah. Right on. Did you read for that joy? No, neither did I, man.

Sure, you figure anything with drugs? You think they had me reading for it, right? I thought for sure you were going to read for it. I'm surprised. And I know the first season, they didn't have a lot of big names except Lewis Guzma. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they iced him, you know, episode four or something.

So he's not on there for the whole goddamn thing. But no, there's not too many shows. Even I, I go back to season one of Sons. Sometimes when I go home from the comedy store, bro, you're fucking Wyatt. You get home and Jimmy Fallon ain't going to have somebody on. And it's a stat. I don't like Jimmy Kimmel. I watch Jimmy Fallon.

You know, I watch vinyl on HBO. You know what I watch from? Stuck on fucking, naked and afraid every Sunday night. You ever watch that? No. You ever watch naked and afraid? I guarantee you gonna get stuck on that shit.

Discovery? Discovery. They throw people out there naked. 21 days, bro. But naked. You get a knife and you get a part of it. You get like a flame thrower, like a flame starter and a knife. And you got to run 21 days, bro.

And I just put a post of the day about that. I know I know I couldn't do. I hate fucking snakes. And you got to get food and your own food? You got to kill you. You got to eat whatever you find, brother. Whatever you find. They're high ass are combined.

I mean, these people kill a frog in that they, I guess it's like the biggest meal they ever had. They're hiring. I like the dude, Survivor Man, that you watch him, and they let him out there in the weeds with a fucking thing on. I've watched him two or three hours of that shit. That's entertainment, at it. That's something that you can look up to them.

You know, they dropped this motherfucker off in the woods years ago. And any place he goes to him, he makes a little hut. He figures out something to fucking eat. But that's a guy, but he knows what he's doing, bro. These people are people that think they know what they're doing, nor they read all about it, and now they got to live it. Listen, I can't watch somebody who's out there kill themselves.

It's true. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing out in the wilderness. Like, I don't know what to eat. I don't know what. You can eat just about anything, bro. I mean, you can eat a snail. You can eat ants. You can eat a, they eat possum in the day,

but they say, possum taste no good, you know? But you're going to eat snakes. I have so fucking scared of snakes, bro. See, I would start because there's snakes. There's not of snakes, but I just don't. I just scared. Why don't you like snakes? I just, it just, listen, if you take a possum, and you cut that ugly head off and you skin that

motherfucker quick, and you marinate them and something, you know what, if you cook any of those animals. I can't get it marinate anything. I mean, you know what I'm saying. If you marinate anything, they'll be good. A cat, a monkey, it's got to be good. There's white meat, you know. I've been reading about that.

I've been seeing some videos, and that shit's fucked up. But they're saying there's a couple of restaurants in California that are allowed to bring in eight dogs to cook them and sell them to the, to the, to the, you know, to the, you're just, to the consumer. They can't tell you the name of the restaurants, but there are a few restaurants out here that are allowed to eat. Totally last week. The people who make the dumplings in Korea down.

I just read the... Yes, it's them. I guarantee it's there. Yeah, you know, I think I'm just going to that fucking Mexican place you go to on the corner there where they got in trouble for selling lizard eight years ago. They just made a comeback.

Listen, if you get caught for selling lizard, I don't even walk in that area. Like, I don't even walk on that side of the street. I'm going to 7-11. How am I supposed to know they get caught for a lizard? Because this is what I do. You're supposed to. You don't like yelp,

and now I'm supposed to do like a news search? Yelp ain't got dick. You got to ask the people in the neighborhood. They fucking tell you. What neighborhood is in the place? They fucking told me over there. By that park, I'd take mercy.

They were like sushi, that 101, people get sick in there. I said, you know what? People say it's great. Yeah, you know what?

And you know what? And you know what? And you know what? What did I do? I got hungry and I'm going to make. That's what I'm going to. Got sick. I woke up in the mill and I shit in blood, but fucking cat eye balls coming out of my ass.

Oh, shit like that. No, I had no cat eyeballs. But you get my point, guys, I got sick. Did I get fish sick? No, I got weird sick. So I know when you get fish sick, it ain't no fucking two hours. That's an ugly thing. Yeah, that's a different thing.

Like when Lee got sick and he went on the pot cookie, he ate wholesale sushi. He went over to one of those places. I went to get into you. No, you didn't. I saw the fucking place. Because he goes to these yelp places. People use yelp are fucking retarded anyway. Who goes home and says that place is great?

I mind my business. I don't say dick. You know what? On Lee's side, though, like when I go somewhere, before I go somewhere, I'll say, what does y'all say about it? Mainly like shooting ranges and stuff like that, you know, what they're going to ask for,

you know, this or that, you know. What about food? No, not too much. Because, you know, I'm pretty much a creature of habit, bro. If I like somewhere, Like if I want a pizza, I know where to go. If I want Mexican food, I know where to go. If you want Mexican food, where do you go?

I go to Tapayak in the East Alei. It's manuals, you know. So you still go to East Ale. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the best thought, bro. I don't want to say what's good fake Mexican food because I don't want to put nobody on blast like that. I'll still eat King Taco and put a blast on anybody.

You know, King Taco. When I'm driving back on the fire on the East Island. It's good, but it's just too, now it's too, how do you say? It's too commercial life. I mean, they already have it, you know, it's just like a, you know. And they got Papa's, I like Papa. I like Papa. They got them there, though.

But you know what I'm going to tell you, the best Mexican food comes out of them taco trucks, right? On a fountain. I got a bad one the other day. I was so mad. Okay, I'm so, a fountain in a fucking, no, no, no, no, Western. Wilmington, by Gilber Escobel's house.

They got some good stuff there, right? By the fucking VFW, they're the best title. Is that, well, that burritos. 50s. 50 cents apiece. Yeah, that's crazy, right? You have no fucking idea. You're the night Wilmington flooded.

I said a prayer for the taco man. Fuck Wilmington and Gilbert. As long as the Taco Man lives, that's all I get a fuck about. You understand. Long-lived that. I'm serious. I miss, I regret it and miss it.

You know, 40, listen, I break your balls. I can't. I don't have the right to break your balls because years ago when I met Felipe, and I met, you and Rudy and all those guys.

Do you think I did those gigs for $40 because I wanted to make $40? Part of Joey's method was meeting Edwin-San-Wan and all those kids that would have this gig was, we'd smoke pot, and then we'd go eat Mexican food. That was my gig. I knew, listen, I never got Mexican food in fucking Hollywood and nothing like that. Because I had those guys that gave me the fix. I know about King Taco

People goof on King Taco To me, King Taco Is Some place else's bad food Because they got Chorizo and Papa And chichotte on this So I'm good

I'm good with those three right there I had King Taco Gros. When they have it out of the truck I like that one better Than the actual restaurant Yeah I'm saying you know

And they got some taco trucks In L.A. That are phenomenal But I haven't fallen in For the taco trucks Insetion yet I am Because I've always

I've always eaten off taco trucks. I want dirty taco junk. I don't want John Refaviro with a white chick selling. Order number four. I'll tell you, go to fucking go to Western and Fountain, bro. And that one in the corner,

he's been there for years. Western and Fountain. Right there, right in the corner. I know exactly what that is. That taco truck is good, bro. I'm telling you right now. I know exactly what the fuck that is. This is big, bro.

You know? What can I bring out of me again? I get the carned asada burrito with the works, bro. I mean, avocate. you know, sarsa. You could take it out of the sars. I put it a little bit of everything in there.

What kind of, are you green or red? I'm a green guy. But on that one, you want to get the Pico de Gallo. Forget about it. But you're going to dig it, man. I'm telling you right now. I'm telling you, you get stuck there, bro. I got stuck there for about a year and a half of me, my old lady.

Where's this western? Western and Fountain. Wait, we're going to go to the end. Yeah, we're going to go. No, you're going to dig it in the tacos. But get the burrito, bro. Gane and Sadaabrito with the works. Forget about you, done.

I was doing a podcast yesterday in the park, and a Mexican lady just came in with a stick of cotton candy. And we had to get it. It was a dollar. Yeah, yeah. How great is that? I was just walking in the park. Have you got a fat sales yet? You got to go to fat sales or not.

Fountain and Highland. I know exactly where it is. Right, right there. You live right there. I live a few bucks somewhere. You let me know when you go down there, and then I'm going to go treat you. You guys, when you guys want to go down there, let me know when you go down and I'll go by you guys. What do you get?

The fat one ethel. What is it? No, it's a, everything that's there, they'll have the, you know, they'll have like the fat Joey, the fat Emilio. Everything is always the fat before the name of it. What's the fat Emilio? No, there's not a fat. I'm just giving an example.

What's the one you? The fat Ramona and the fat, whatever. The fat, leave, whatever it is. It's just like the fat, that. And you got to have the motherfucking shake, bro. You can't even swallow that fucking. You can't shake? No, dude, forget about it.

It's not even a shake that you would, that you would, you're hearing this, bro? You hear you hear it? My friend owns it as well, you know what I'm saying? So check out. It's not even, you can't even suck it out of the straw. It's a fat fucking straw. You gotta eat that motherfucker with a little spoon.

Okay. When you see the shake, bro, it takes a while to make because it's like art. But all of their sandwiches have like french fries and chicken fingers. Right, they'll have French fries. No, no, no, no. See, what happens is they had the barbecue, like the fat barbecue. It'll be like when you have a barbecue, you have meat, right? And the barbecue, you have potato cheese and barbecue, but they have it on the side of the side of the fucking sandwich, bro.

You did whatever, potato salad, you know, you would have in a barbecue to have all this potato salad. Well, all that shit goes inside of sandwich, but that's how you eat it. That's how it goes over there, bro. It's fat salads that you're going to put on some way. They don't fuck around over there, bro. Fat sows used to be a yogurt shop out of that area. Oh, is that right? Japanese family.

And I used to go over there all the fucking time with my wife in 2009, 2008. And I went to an audition down, and I drove, and I saw Fat Sous and Red Band Lice it. Listen, don't. Let me explain something to you. If you're going to put fries on my sandwich, they've got to be exceptional fries. Those McDonald's fries don't do dick for me on my sandwich. Now, you go to New York all the time. Next time you go to New York.

Okay. You get yourself, I wouldn't even tell you this. You get yourself a driver. And you say, look, I want to go to West New York, New Jersey, to a place called Dos Emanos. All they do is Cuban steak sandwiches. But they put French fries that are cooked in Cuban steak juice into the sandwich. And that's all they do with Cuban milkshakes,

Wayawa, you know. Mammae One hour All those milk sheds They sell those Cuban sodas And that's it They make 8,000 Of those Cuban steak sandwiches a day

But the French fries are cooked In that fucking steak juice Yeah Yes they are That's how you do it Any fucking moron could put a French fry On how many times I've got to talk to you people

About this shit French fries Any fucking moron could put French fries on a sandwich It's a big fucking deal. You did me a favor. Wait till Burger King.

Wait till McDonald's put French fries in a Big Mac. These white people don't know what they're going to do. A couple French fries and your Big Mac, but that's not it. Here's the same. Like, I've been pushing this plate for years. You ready for this, brother? This is when I was lifting weights in the daytime, and I'd go out, my buddies would do a couple bumps,

and we drank and go to the city. We go to the Berkshire diner, and the guy was a chef at a half. I mean, it was a neighbor dining. You always got air in your family. food. There was always blood in the bathroom. You know what I'm saying? There was blood on the counter, fingernails,

but you didn't give a fuck because the food was acceptable. So he would take a steak and cut it. You only and then got the open steak sandwich. This is how you do it. See, if you get an open steak sandwich, he's fucking idiots. Don't know what they don't. What you do is you get the meat, you cut it up thin, you fry it all together

with the onions. And then you take that fucking juice, that steak, you take toast, a white, wonder bread. You take toast you toast it you take it out and you put a little butter on it and then you put that meat on top of that toast so the oil from the toast goes into that fucking from the oil from the steak goes into that motherfucking toast you understand me then you throw some steak fries on top that not those skinny fries with the hiv some steak fries motherfucker and you put the rest of the steak

on the steak on that so the juice or if you go on the good jersey side they put mozzarella cheese and gravy on the French fries and the steak fries. That's the sleeping bill right there. Anybody can give you French fries. Put mozzarella and gravy on those motherfuckers. You know what I'm saying? Put some mozzarella on that motherfucker.

I'm going to call on the island pretty soon, so I'm going to look for that. I'm going to look up for them, man. No, that place that isn't a little Cubaville. What's left of Little Cuba, Bill. You've been in Miami, right, bro?

20,000 times. Porta Sagra. That's what I was going to say. That's the best place. I have breakfast. Lunch. I told Lee that a thousand times. You got to go.

11th, 11th and Collins, Lee. No, bro. Lee, another level. Lee, another level. Like, it's worth getting fall in ticket. That's where you go. Even just the bread before you get your boo? Just the bread right there?

Just the bread, Lee. And then you dip that bread, bro. You dip that motherfucking bread. Lee, you go somewhere at Paul. That's a no-air-B-N-noon. No-day. Three times a day, four days. That's right.

I wouldn't go anywhere. because you're just a Cuban chicken suit with the bones and the fucking eyeballs I think I've had every pet in that damn place every place, the Boliche, they're fucking everything everything, Portisagua, that's it. What is the thing they have at the place in Nantino like the lemon chicken or whatever?

They got it 82 times better. What is that called? Pollo Agrio, boyo. Just get the Cubanito, brother, the sandwich. It's always the full pork. If you're in Miami, there's nothing like fucking Porta Sago. That's what you gotta go with them. People get pissed off when we talk about food.

They'll say, Joey, what the fuck you bring a meal in? We wanted to hear about sons of anarchy. Why are you talking about fucking food for it? It's a human being. That's right. We fucking eat. I'm a food person, bro. I'm always got to watch my damn weight all the time.

That's what I'm saying. That's why I can't go to big cells. Fat cells, yeah. If I can't go to fat food of that cell. But you know what, bro, it's like. Pastri and French fries and shit. Exactly. You can't do that shit.

Me and my wife went. We were starving the other day. And we were like, listen, let's just go see the fucking Max, Max the Jew over here on fucking Riverside. And we split a pastrami sandwich. Yes, that's what we're going to. I'm a Langus type of motherfucker. What's the language mean?

Alvarado by Lamarck Park, where you could buy a fake passport, gun, explosive, identity. You can buy a whole new life. Right there's a Jewish deli. I was a saying. Wow. Yeah, I love, um, I love, um, I enjoy my food, brother.

I really do. I just like good taste and stuff, but I'm always got to watch myself. You got no, bro. After 28, the party's over. One day you put on 40 pounds and then you go, you know what? I'll lose it. And all of a sudden, you're like, wait a second. And you can lose five, then you can't eat.

You know what I'm talking about? It's tough. It's a tough fucking battle. You just said you got back from New Mexico. Now, bro, you're always fucking working. They love you. You know, you're a great story. What have you been working on lately?

I just finished on working on. on the show called The Night Shift, which is a great, great show. It's like an ER back in the day, you know, and I got to play a great character, man. I was really fortunate to get this role. I get to go through all my emotions in this episode, you know, crying, going psycho, being mean, and a little bit of everything. So I'll be telling you when it comes on, bro, because I want to be sure people will see that. Netflix?

No, it's on Channel 4. NBC. And I finished four other films. He has six things. I was obviously, Hello, Derek. IMDV. Thanks, you have six things

like either in pre-production or all the way through. Yeah, man, it's been a blessing. And then and again, it goes back to Sons of anarchy because all that's been coming because of Sons of Anarchy,

you know, and then I got two other series I'm working on right now, which I started in two weeks. Z Nation, you know, the zombie show on Friday nights on sci-fi,

and then I got called back again and go do that show with Ron Perlman, you know, who played Clay on Sons of Anarchy. It's called Hannah-Gaud. If you haven't seen it in his Amazon, it's just a great series,

bro. That's one with his son or something like that, right? Yeah, it's a couple episodes. Yeah, it's really, really good, man. He's good. He's good. Ron's really good.

He's been around for a long time, man. It's nice to see that these guys are getting shows. There's so many different avenues now for shows, and these guys that were like two or three billing. Now they're number one billing. There's a couple shows. Hey, man, you never fucking know. Exactly.

And I'm also working on another thing right now. I can't say the name right now, but I got you in Manfred, Joe, and we've talked about you with the people already with the, I can't say the names, you know, but um and they're they're they so they have to of course have to look of joy you know and I go you see long as yard yeah remember this guy I go bro that's the guy you know this is blah blah blah and uh and so we've written a rewritten we have rewritten a lot of stuff to fit who you are

and uh and it's even made the fucking film even more funnier and like I says it gets closer we're gonna you're gonna trip out bro it's so fucking funny-ass shit man you know I'm good man I fucking love it man I miss working as much as I used to. It's not as, it breaks up. For me, a long time ago, broke up the comedy, but not me. It took the pressure off comedy a little bit. You know what I'm saying?

I didn't have to go on the road all year. I liked with somebody called and said, hey, we need you for fucking three weeks. Yeah. And you've got to cancel two weeks. That lets motherfuckers know you're on double blast. Exactly. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, you're working a couple different sides of the fucking field. That's always good, man. Really good. And I always try to take care of my friends. I always put in a word for my friends, you know, and the people who have been good to me over the years. And it's been a lot of people, you know, but then again, some people just don't fit,

or they don't have the chops for that, what I need or what they need, you do what I'm saying? So I got my, you know, my, my, I would say my starting lineup. But I'm always got, I always got a good backup too, you know what I'm saying? Just because the starting lineup, if you ever start a lineup, that starting lineup is pretty much going to be busy as well.

So sometimes I don't got the time to do, what you got planned for them, you know. But you always got a good backup, you know. But yeah, man, it's going to be an exciting year this year, man. It's really good. It's good for all of us, man, you know. No, I'm excited. Listen, man.

I wish I worked, like I said, on the camera side as much as you do. But I'm having a good time doing stand-up, too. The main thing, bro, is if you're having a good time, if you're having a good time, somebody sent me a text of the day, said, hey, man, let's win. And I wrote them back, and I said, bro, just, just, you're having a good time, you're always winning, bro. You don't I'm talking about that? You're a day, Lee, you and I spoke at 7th of the morning.

And I said something to you. I said, it's a great day that we don't have to get in a truck right now. Oh, yeah. I said something to you. Remember, I said, you, you know, sometimes you look at how hard you work. Yeah. But sometimes you really have to judge how hard you don't work. Like, you know, sometimes I, you know, I'm very fortunate to walk mercy to school every morning,

and my three-year-old with my daughter with my wife. How fucking fortunate am I? I never really got to see it, but like now being friends with people on Facebook through the podcast, these are people who are working in oil fields and, like, instruction. And I can never do that ever. Like that would be. You'd be surprised what you could do, Lee, but. If I had to, I'm sure I could adapt.

I've come home. My hands bleeding, bro. Even though I was willing to love digging ditches, bro. You did what I'm saying? Digging swimming pools, you know, with my hand. That's crazy. You know what I'm saying? I mean,

we got it pretty damn good, we got it good. You have no fucking, you know, and I tell you, what was that we said the other morning, at 7 in the morning? It was just,

it was just that, it was, at least. We're not getting on the truck right now. You know, every morning I get up and listen,

that fucking house is on autopilot in the morning. She makes a whole meal, a little sausages. I play with the baby. we were on autopilot we'd be out of that house that kid would be up at 6 a.m.

We'd be in showers, you know what I'm saying? You know how we got up. We got up different. Our family got up. Everybody woke up music. Everybody had, they used to be 11 of us living in a two-bedroom house with one bathroom.

So it was like a tank table. Everybody knew how the importance of who had to be the shower first. You did what I'm saying? It was like that. So I know how that shit. It's great. You know, I have so many opportunities

I tell Lee. What? What can't we do, bro? And we don't have to fucking dig a ditch and, you know, work overtime. And I fucking loved those people. I mean, that was me. That was me for years. For fucking years I did.

I worked at bars. I washed dishes. I was a prep cook. I bartended. I fucking cleaned the bar. You know, stop it. It was a big thing for me when I got a job that I could sit down at. Like, all I always had server or store jobs.

Yeah. I couldn't they never let you sit down. So that was my big thing. I remember when I always should be a mechanical engineer for hostess case, and I got in big trouble. So I was on the run. I had to lead the state. And I was at the time when everybody was making $4 an hour,

I was making $13 an hour. So that was pretty good paycheck, you know? So now I'm on the fucking run. I'm in fucking Texas running. And then I have broken ribs and my face is all busted up. And so the second night, my cousin goes, I got you a job. It's cool.

It's a good place to be at, man. And so, dude, I have broken ribs, but I have to go. I'm trying to make it. I got to be my out of family. I have to bring him over, right? So I remember he worked at a fucking Danny's, and so they made me to bust tables.

First fucking night, I'm all fucked up, right? So I tell this kid, this young kid, I'm already a man with kids, and just, I fucked up, right? And then, so I go away, give me a towel so I can bust that table. And the motherfuckeruck, he's a kid, a high school kid. He's still going to school.

Me, I'm trying to make a living to pay for my, you know, take care of my kids. And he throws this fucking towel in my face, bro, That's my, perfectly in my face, and all the food starts coming down my face, right, bro? And I'm a mean guy at those day, in those years. So I grabbed the guy by this fucking neck, and I put his face right into the grill.

I go, don't you ever fucking disrespect him? My fuck up, burn your motherfuck up. And I got fired that night, bro. Yeah. I got fired that fucking my own cousin, bro. You know what I'm saying? But fucking, how you disrespect them at that? That happened all the time in those kind of places.

Come on, bro. It's terrible. You know, you have a little fucking young punk trying to disrespect like that. I'm out here trying to try to do good, you know? Oh, my God. That guy probably still has. He fucking shit at his fucking pants, but still fuck you, you know, and I got fired, bro.

Sure you get fucking fired. You can't do that shit. But it was my cousin. You know what the fuck? He should. Oh, was your cousin? He's one that gave me the job, bro. You dig?

The manager. Yeah, man. He had to fire me. He had to fire me. He had to fire me. He had a fire me. You can't burn the cook. I know, too.

You can't burn the cook? I know, but I have food coming by my face, bro. Come on the fuck. You should have thrown the towel back on him and shit like that. I fucked up, man. No, what are you going to do? Every day. about Jesus Christ, the shit we used to do for a living.

When I first moved to, I used to fucking, I told Tommy Easter the other day. You know, I was telling Tommy Easter, the kid, we were talking about the living trailer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I used to fucking get up and go right to the sons and sell cigars on the phone. And the cigar craze in Hollywood and everywhere, the whole country was smoking cigars. I was selling cigars. And then years later, I started selling screws because the cigar business went under. Selling screws?

Selling screws on the phone on Ivor. Between Hollywood Boulevard and whatever's on top of Hollywood there, by the pizzeria there was it was right there. And I would park my car there after. I would leave the comedy store too, and I would go to Ivar, bro, and sleep until 4.30. Get up, go in there, drink coffee. They would always have donuts and shit. Is that right?

Wow. I would go in there, bro, and I would sell screws because of the East Coast. They're getting up at seven. Right, right, right, right. So they're going to work in the shop. The people who are in charge of the ordering are there at eight. So I would call them up, sell that. But at the same time, I was sending out my avails on fax to all the comedy clubs.

Even though I didn't know the Booker, even though I didn't know, all I had was their fax number. And I knew that the Booker looked at the veils. I would send the veils just when he would see who my name was. Do you follow me? In those days, I sent out 200 avails every Monday, knowing they weren't going to give me work, but they were going to see my name and my avails are going to come up. And maybe, that's smart.

And maybe, just maybe, that day, God, they got their dick sucked, and they saw my name, and they go, let me give this kid a call. He's faxed me 18 weeks in the row. And guess what? I started getting called. Right, right. Persistent. So the people who were giving me work,

now all of a sudden call me and gave me work, And these fucking people who had seen my faxes for 20 fucking weeks now started calling me going, hey, would you go to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan to start off working with us? Fuck, yeah, I would. On a trip, bro. One guy was a funny business out of Michigan.

I work for them now. They're a great company. They've been around for 40 fucking years. The old man, now the kids are running it from. And I'll never forget they had to get the guy who worked from Greg Colo. I sent this guy of fax for a year. For a year, I sent him a fax. And I was at the comedy store.

I had already shot basketball. You know, I wasn't looking at the headline or ripping a room apart. I was looking at a feed jack. And my girlfriend calls me one day, and she goes, I'm going to Michigan for the holidays. This is after I fax this guy 100 fucking times. And I started thinking, I go, you know what?

Let me take a chance. Columbus did. I picked up that fucking phone. I call funny business agency and I ask for Mark Kolo. And they put this motherfucker on in the answer. They go, Mark Kolo, Joey Diaz. Listen, I'm a feature act. I work at the comedy store.

I shot the movie basketball. I work for this guy, that guy, this guy, that guy. I'm in a bind. My girlfriend's going to Michigan and I work Michigan all the time. I want to know if you guys got any work. And he goes, hey, dog, I just had a fallout. When do you get here? And I go, I'm there like next Tuesday.

He goes, perfect. You go right to Grand Ben, then, Michigan, and then. So he goes, you're picking up six nights. Just because I picked up that phone. And they took her in the took her of you? Yeah. He signed me. Listen, I didn't make a million dollars.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He gave me a hotel and I had a fight for every laugh I got. You know what I'm saying? Digger, digger, dig it. It wasn't a comedy club. It was a fucking bar at a hotel with people who are drunk who want to get their dick sucked by the store this or something like that. You know.

Lee was happening over that cocked suck. Look at that. the shape of you're tired. You look like fucking death of warmed over. What happened to your eyeballs? I'm good. All right. You good here? Yeah. Fuck yeah. Let's get Emilio out of here.

Let's do these fucking sponsors and get this party started. This shit. Amelia, always a pleasure to fucking see you. Joey, thank you for having them. No movies coming out or nothing? Yeah, I have a few. When it's called the Badgeville, you know, with Robert Nipper and a cast of a young guy young young

Robert Nipper. Remember of tea bags from fucking prison brig? Yeah. He's fucking great, bro. You know what I'm saying? With a bunch of young upcoming cow, young, young, actors, man, Doug did Spring Producing and about three other projects coming out as well, but it's to get close so let you know what's going on, Joey. Gives me a reason to come back. You dig what I'm saying?

Right. And I did just, I put out another new episode of Life in Neutral, so please go listen to that. It's a lot of fun. We were in a park. That's right. You did the fucking podcast in the park. Let me talk to you about a little product we recently got and they're tremendous. It's called tracker. Smart cars, smartphone, smart homes. Technology has made everything smart, but losing your stuff will still make smart people feel really stupid, okay?

Tracker makes losing things a thing of the past. Tracker is a coin-sized device that locates, misplace keys, wallets, bags, computers, anything, and seconds. Just pair the tracker to your smartphone, attach it to anything, and find its precise location with a tap of a button. It's that easy. lose your phone, lose your tablet, press the button on Tracker, and your phone rings. Even if it's on silent, that's what it does for the phone. With over 1.5 million devices, Tracker has the largest crowd GPS network in the world. So your lost item shows up on a map, even if it's miles away.

Never lose anything again with Tracker. Listeners to the show get a special discount of 40% off your first tracker device. go to the tracker.com and enter the promo code church. C-H-U-R-C-H. The hardest thing you'll ever have to find is their website. Listen, let's be honest with you savages. 80% of you motherfuckers are stoners.

So cut the shit. You're losing your keys. You're losing your wallets. You're losing this. You're losing your pipe. You're losing your bong. Never again. Go to fucking tracker right now.

This is how tracker is going to help. You know how? It's going to cut. Cut your time and half. You're never going to walk around like a dunce, where's this, where's that? Track is on the job, all right? So do me a favor.

Keys, wallets, purse, pets. That's what we track here, okay? So what do we usually lose, nine of the ten times? What do you usually lose? You lose the, what do you call it, the collar for the dog? Right or wrong, you always lose the collar for the dog. You're always losing your cell phone or you misplaced it.

you're putting it down, you'll put your wallet down, you put your card keys down, checkbook down, tracker has the answer to all your problems. So do me a favor. Go to tracker.com. The tracker.com. The tracker.com right now and enter promo code church, C-H-U-R-C-H for 40% off. Again, go. That's the tracker.com promo code church. Never lose anything again. Again, go to the Tracker.com promo code church and get 40% off your first tracker device. Go to the tracker.com and into promo code church. Don't forget, go to the tracker.com. Because if not, what are you going to do?

You're going to sit there like a dunce looking for what? What are you going to look for, Lee? Not the tracker. That's right. And always on it.com, on the job. Nobody's better than them. You understand me? Nobody.

Today, I couldn't. Today, I had too much oxygen in Jiu-Jitsu. No way. I had too much. I couldn't breathe. I started taking them again now because I've been going to Alberta's for a while, and I can beef it up for a little bit. Today I took one of them.

And I lasted two, five-minute round, and I had to wrestle with Lavelle Crawford. That's a nightmare right there. That's 398 pounds, he told me he weighed now. You did two-five-minute rounds? Not punching, wrestling. Yeah, yeah, jihad. Jiu-Jitsu.

It's fucking great, Joe. That's great. Bro, and I started tapping at a minute and a half. I can't breathe. You know what? I got to go back to the doctor to get my nose. That's good, though. That's 10 minutes.

So, that ain't no joke. No, that ain't no joke. So like I'm saying, you know what gives you extra on it? The extra oxygen on it does. The quadrice set mushroom. So with the Shroom Tech Sport, Shroom Tech immune, the hemp force protein, any of their great supplements. You got to go read about them because El education.

I guarantee there's something there that will help you. Go to honor dot com right now. Go to the, after we get what you get, go to the box and press in. Church. Boom. C-H-U-R-C-H.

And get test. Church. Church. CH-U-R-C-H and get 10% off your first audit. Guess what? It's delivered right to your door. I don't know if you guys listen

to Lee in the beginning. I know Lee's little bots and sometimes his enthusiasm is off. V-Tracker.com right now. I know his enthusiasm is off. I got something else I want to talk to you about. that I, in fact, started doing with this, with the 10-day, and then now I do it on my own little by little before I work out

or after I work out. Because I was noticing before I go to Jiu-Jitsu, I would stress myself out. And I said, I got to stop stressing myself. I would just stress off on my job. Because somebody's going to get on top of him. I'm going to be able to breathe. I might get a heart attack, my heart's pounding.

Right, right, right. You know, and then I just said, I'm just going to go have fun. This is a game. These guys are just learning. We're just learning arm bars and shit like that. For me, it's sweat. Not tomorrow, I'll do kettlebells. And then Friday, I go to Jiu-Jitsu, and then Sunday, I go to Jiu-Jitsu.

I'm 53. I got to take care of myself. But to take care of yourself sometimes, sometimes when I get up in the morning, is Amelia. I drink coffee, I don't do dick. I just sit there in the fucking mid-light, and I just think with a notebook. And that's where I get my best thought. Sometimes it's a good joke.

And maybe I'm not all of them could be good. Right, right, right, right. But one thing that you've got to understand is meditation really helps. Let's be honest. Most of your problems start with your mind. Fear, anger, stress, anxiety, depression, sleeplessness. That's what I was getting a lot of. They begin into your head. Between you and I, I'm sorry they can wreck your life. But it doesn't have to be that way. You can make a major difference in just 10 minutes a day. This change comes through guided meditation with the new Headspace app. Headspace and meditation made simple. It's guided meditations you listen to whenever you want, wherever you want, wherever you want. Wherever you want. want right on your phone, computer or tablet. Meditation is rooted in thousands of years of tradition, with thousands of scientific studies that show its positive effects, like improving focus, relationship, harmony, decreasing, anxiety, and stress.

And basically, it's controlling your breathing. That's it. It's sitting there and controlling your emotions with your breathing. Join over 4 million users already getting some Headspace for free right now. Do me a favor. Download the free Headspace app and begin that Take 10 program. for 10 days of guided meditation at headspace.com slash Joey. The Headspace Take 10 program is 100% free way to experience the benefits of meditation in your busy,

modern life. Train your mind for a healthy and less stressed life. Start your free trial today at headspace.com slash Joey. That's headspace.com slash joey. Take 10 minutes for 10 days. And that's all you need and you're going to feel better. But you know what? Do me a favor.

It all starts with you. Go to headspace.com slash Joey, all right? And start your free trial today. And that's it, headspace.com slash Joey. I want to thank my main people at Tracker, my main people at Honit and Headspace. And also my main man, Emilio Rivera,

from being back on the show. Thank you, Joey, man. You know, I'm always looking forward to coming over. I just like talking to you and leave, man, you know. People love you to death. So I want you this week. I'm in Bakersfield sold out. If you're slipping, you're fucking cripping.

And at the end of the month, 3.30 to 4-2. I'm at the brayer improv bitches. That's it. Lysayat, look at the shape of you. What am I going to do? How many stars you eat? I had 4-125. So 500, not that bad.

You're still 300 light, so I don't want to hear nothing. What is it? Stars are dead. Nilegrams of marijuana. Of T-8C, he eats those little gummy bears. I tell him he's got to go to rehab soon. I don't know. He's, I have a bad influence, I guess. I love you guys. Stay black. Thank you, Amelia. See you next week.

We might do a podcast Friday. I don't know. We might do something me and Lee. We might fuck around. We might go to kettle about class together and do something out to kettle about class. Yeah, put the fucking music on. These people can go home in peace. Where you please? This is fucking music. Here we go. This is another hour here. Oh, my God.

Well, you're always talking about gonfell. You Jewish. Leave God. This show, the church was happening now, was brought to you by a tracker. never lose anything again go to theetracker.com to use codebord church to get 40% off of your first tracker device. That's

thetracker.com use codebord church to get 40% off. Shows also brought to you by Headspace. Go to headspace.com slash Joey and download their free Headspace app to begin to take 10 program for 10 days for 10 days of guided meditation.

That's headspace.com slash Joey. Baby, baby, baby, I'm gonna leave you. I said, baby, you know, I'm gonna leave you. I'll leave you in the summertime. Leave you when the summer comes a row. The summer comes a game, joking, we live in gutter. calling me the way it used to do