The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #388 - Matt Baker

Episode Date: June 14, 2016

Matt Baker, Second Degree black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu under Jean Jacques Machado and owner of Bakersfield Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   SeatGeek: Download the FREE SeatGeek app and use promo code CHURCH to get $20 off of your first SeatGeek purchase.   Datsusara: Go to DSgear.com and check out all of their great products, like gi's and rash guards, that are made with high quality hemp textiles. Use code Joey to get 5% off of your order.   Onnit.com: Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 06/13/2016.
  

This show is sponsored by Seat Geek. Seat Geek makes it easier than ever to buy and sell sports and concert tickets. Our listeners get $20 off of their first Seat Geek purchase. This is all you have to do. You download the free Seat Geek app. You go to the Settings tab and click on Add promo code and the promo code is Church. And Seat Geek will send you $20 after you've made your first purchase. So download the free Seat Geek app now and enter promo code church today.

Show is also brought to you by Datsusara. Go to D.Sgear.com for extremely high quality functional gear made with hemp textiles. They have bags, geese, rash guards, and more. Go to DSgear.com right now and use COBRAJ Joey to get 5% off of your order. And go to Onet.com and use Coburd Church to save 10% on all their great optimization products like Alpha Brain, New Mood, Shum Tech Immune, and Shum Tech Sport. Oh shit, motherfuckers. It's a beautiful Monday afternoon. Monday, June 13th, the day the devil was buried at sea and stabbing the neck.

OJ's alive? What are you going to do? It's the church of what's happening now, bitches. Lee Syatt, Matt Baker, BJJ, and Uncle Joey here direct on a Monday. Smooth! Oh shit. Can't get by me, cock suckers. You don't know these streets, motherfuckers.

What's the story that, Lisa, yeah? These, whatever these are, these are fucking great. I told you. Oh, my God. I've been telling you. You got to change it up from time. Yeah, we do. Oh, Raleigh's a spice of life, man.

It is a spice of life. I went on a Ferris wheel this weekend. Did you? Yeah, it was great. You eat some Ziti when you're in the fucking Ferris wheel? You have your little hat with the balloon on it on top? Fucking Ferris wheel. There's always a bite of way with you, you know there?

Why? It was great. It was Irvine. He went to the carnival. Unbelievable. I got to deal with a grown man on a fucking Ferris wheel. I'm surprised you didn't bring home a rash or a fucking dead-eye brow. You put the jinx on me.

At the end of last week, you said I was going to get a sty again. I got a sty last week. Oh, you did? Yeah, I did something fucked up. It always happens the day of the podcast for me, and you always get it all, like, the weekends. It's messed up. I don't know what the fuck I got it from me. It went away I put some cat piss on it and whatever the fuck you're supposed to put on it.

back like fucking doctor. Omaha, Nebraska was great this weekend. I just want to talk about one thing. I want to give my heart out. I know Matt Baker feels the same. Lee to the victims in Orlando a fucking disaster. A fucking disaster.

You know, do I have the answer? Does Matt have the answer? Does Lee have the answer? We got solutions but nobody's going to listen. Nobody gives a fuck. So it really doesn't matter what we give a fuck. Right now, the important thing is that the souls get to the right place with Godspeed and that they're blessed and whatever the fuck comes with that into the next world.

It's very sad that we live there and, you know, just the United States of America we pay taxes. We have the right to bear arms, but I never wanted that. I don't want that. I don't want that. You know, I don't want to fucking go out like I was when I was 22 with two guns strapped to me for no fucking reason, you know. Like I said in my world, a gun is a fucking magnet of debt. You know, it's just a magnet.

When you deal with guns, you bump into people with guns. You know, next thing, you know, you're giving people hugs and they have machine guns on their fucking body. And you sit there and go, I can't believe I'm in a fucking room. Have you ever hug somebody and you felt a gun on them? Your body freezes, even if you know the person for 20 fucking years. It's weird just to see a gun sometimes. Just to see it on the person.

So, like I said yesterday, when I landed at the airport at 9-18 in the morning, I got in the cab. And as I was getting in the cab, two guns. I just walked by me in military fashion with two by two fucking rocket launches. I don't know what type of guns, AR-15. I wish I was an authority. I'm guns, but I'm not. And before I left, I looked to my left and the parking structures, that's what, that dog?

With body arm on, ready to rock. That's the world we got to live in now. Are you fucking kidding me? But we ate the hummus and now we got to deal with what comes with it. You follow me? I mean, the first time I was really ever exposed to that. that was Israel because they just have the army everywhere. It's just they're constantly patrolling.

And honestly, I felt pretty safe. Like, it was never, like, I never really freaked me out. Listen, you feel safe. I get it. I feel safe, too, when I see two cops and whatever. And not really because fucking Johnny Adad could come out of a car with a bomb strapped and just pull it right in the middle of criminal four. But you know what? I wasn't born to see fucking guns around me.

If not, I would have stayed in a van of fucking Cuban, had guards around me, watching me. Do you understand me? And I tell you, as kooky as you people think, Alex Jones is, he told me this six years ago. And in 10 years, there's going to be TSA at parks. It's going to be TSA at parks. You're going to have to metal detectors at parks. You know, my wife and I were talking today about,

I'll tell you, I'd be scared right now if I was Las Vegas. Yeah. Then I have metal detectors at the door, guys. Then I have metal detectors at the fucking door. You know, when I go to Vegas to relax, that's when I want to feel fucking safe. When I got three Gs in my pocket, I'm playing black track. Not that I even do that.

I don't even play black track. I just know how people get when they go to Vegas. You know, they sit down, they take their money out, they start drinking for free, a couple fucking sleeping pills. And you're just having a good time. Whatever turns you on, man. Don't you think they've been, like, preparing since, like, 9-11? Like, just to me, Vegas seems like the place that would have to be fully always on a word. Well, that's the city they want to get to.

If we talked to, like, Larry, who was very in on that stuff, it'll tell you. that that's the city they really want to get to because there's a lot of money there's something that goes through Vegas something that they would love to shut Vegas's lights out let me tell you some 30 years ago Vegas was under scrutiny on the eye I don't I never trusted Vegas and I have stories to back those things why I never trusted Vegas but now they really got to be watching you I'm scared to jerk off in the fucking shower in Vegas they're watching dog you got to assume they're fucking watching Matt Baker talk to me you fucking savage you the true jitsu savage of debt i'm entertained by this like it's just uh i can kick back and just

listen to you guys no um when i was in new york it was very interesting because they you know rockefeller center i was there for a tournament and it was kind of just an eye opener they had you know armed police right there in the middle of time square everything and um great city but it's kind of a little heartbreaking to the point where you you're there to have fun and there's guys with machine guns walking around It puts like a fucking certain, like a cat's tail sticks up, like a scum. Like it just didn't ruin your night. It doesn't ruin your night, but it stays in the back of your mind.

And Jesus Christ, I'm drinking down the block from two guys dressed like they're going to fucking war. You know, two guys just walked past me. From time to time, people fucking inspire me. Sometimes it's music. Sometimes it's a basketball player. Sometimes it's a UFC fighter. And, you know, I was always baffled with Bruce Lee as a child.

And I was there when he was alive. And I used to hear all the talks and I used to go to Chinatown, buy all the booklets. And he used to talk about this Jekundo shit. And not that it's shit, I'm just saying. You used to talk about Jekundo. And for years as a young man, I thought about what it took to take what you thought was important and sell it. You know, look at things and go, why don't, you know, it's like now and grandkids. school did you guys all use a compass in grammar school you know the one that you put the

stick in and you spin around you did you use yeah did you use one to create a circle in the circumference of a circle use it more for drawing have you ever used the fucking thing again so if you were gonna start a school the first thing you go is listen take that compass and shove it up your fucking ass I don't want those things in my class a protractor all that shit you know what I'm saying like oh there was just so many things you learned in grammar school right now that you as an adult would go what would you do different? Well, you know, I needed to know more about geography. I needed to know more about English. I needed to know more about, you know, whatever, but fuck social studies or whatever.

You know, something that you didn't think was important to you. Everybody has that. If you talk to anybody with me at comedy, if you said to me, do you think it's necessary for me to go to a comedy school? No, I think it's necessary for you to learn the basics and then get on stage. That's it. Just get on stage. I don't want to know nothing. I don't want to know, oh, you've been doing For two years, let me see your set. I'm going to see nothing. I've seen a thousand fucking sets already. All you need to do is get on stage to your fucking eyes pop out.

When is that? I have no idea. I've been doing it for 25 years. My eyes haven't popped out yet. So I don't fucking know. So I meet a guy like you who's interesting to the fucking max. Because you're well-behaved, you're mild manner, there's no fucking tattoos. You're a Christian.

You're very sweet. And you've gotten your black belt under John Jock. When did you join John Jack? When did you become whatever, what you did to? What year? Yeah. I trained two years before I went to John Jock's just bumping around, just trying to figure out something to make things work. And it was October of 96 that I claimed that date, that date because he used to give out these cards.

And I remember getting October 96 and you would go in there and they would like check it to make sure you were official. And, you know, so I can claim that particular time. But I think it was actually going there a little bit. I used to drive there and train on Saturdays. And, you know, that's probably where I would say was my official Machado run. So you've been a 20-year Machado guy? Yeah, yeah. John John.

Yeah, it makes me feel old, you know, thinking about it. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, time flies. And when did you open your own school? Around 2003. It was kind of an accident how it went, but I'm glad it worked out. Was there anybody else from Bakersfield at that time teaching Jiu-Zitsu? I think everybody at that time, they were trying to adopt jiu-jitsu.

Like a lot of schools were, you know, you would have a karate school that would start a jiu-jitsu program or a grapp-they weren't calling a jihitsu. They're actually calling it more like grappling. One person renamed his own style of jiu-jitsu. And, you know, that was kind of, it was from a different martial art. It was just when it hit and people were like, this is the thing to do, you know, it was, you know, it was how can we make this work? How can we incorporate this in? And so a solid jiu-jitsu school, like what we see today, there wasn't really any of that going on. You know, there wasn't any good opportunities to train consistently regularly.

So I would go to, you know, this guy's house over here or go over there and then try to, oh, over there. You know, they're doing a little bit of this on Monday and maybe, you know, sometimes they meet up on Friday. So it was really hard to find adequate training. So the answer was, you know, go to L.A., you know, or go to one of the major hub cities, you know. And at the time it was kind of just, you know, it was scaled down to the Bay Area or Los Angeles area. Unfortunately, Bakersfield's not far from Los Angeles. So just drove over the Great Barine in the first place. Fortunately, the first place that was really, you know, on the radar was Tarzana, John Jackson, Tarzana.

So at the time, Higgen, not Higin, Enato, Hano, who's a gentleman that runs street sports now, or the professor, the master of the street sports. I don't know what he's calling himself. But I would just say Professor Hanato Magno. He was actually the first black belt that I was actually getting a lot of instruction. And then John Jack would come in and he would bounce around because I think they still had the Redondo Beach School. So, you know, keeping busy over there and then going back and forth and then shortly into the mix. I still remember John Jack's first lesson.

And to believe it or not, I'm visualized. I remember what he taught, but I'm thinking he was even teaching it without a geese. Not that John Jack teaches at Nogi school or anything like that, but I think it was during the time when he was kind of prepping towards Abu Dhabi. And that's when he had his great moment in Abu Dhabi, shortly after he got most technical fighter and choked everybody. It's amazing that John Jock School is like Seattle to my comedy career because you guys have yourself, Eddie, Todd, and Austin.

There's a lot of black belts that I hear about. You know, the cop that hangs out with John. You know, John Jack has a lot of black belts that have done well on their own, you know, or I don't even know. So it's really weird how with Seattle, when I came from Seattle was Brody Stevens and Josh Wolf and a bunch of us came down. There's still a bunch of us that are still here. And it's very, it gives me a sense of pride that I'm affiliate with those guys. Like I had Brody on last week. I talked to Josh every fucking day on the phone.

You know, it's really weird when you see the. growth of you people like i remember edie saying once to me i remember alberto when he was a fucking blue belt you know we used to hang out of tournaments you know that to me that's like wow like now albardo has three fucking stripes you have a couple stripes on your but like this to me is like this sunday this saturday it's my 25th year doing comedy nothing has bothered me more than this date just because it's 25 50 at year you know when you turn 50 men a breakdown, no. When you're 40, you're supposed to have a breakdown? No. You're supposed to have these breakdowns in life. Nothing has affected me. This date on Saturday probably means more to me

than anything in the world. And I would have felt the same way if I had nothing going on just because I didn't think I was going to do anything with my life, never mind 25 fucking years. When you look at your jiu-jitsu career, you've got to say 20 fucking years, that means that if I gain 300 more pounds, and Matt Baker lets me get on top of him, you give Matt Baker 15 minutes,

and he'll figure out a way to choke me out. As patient this can be, without even breaking the sweat, he'll move, he'll do this. I could even start with both fucking hands on his collar. He'll even give me the first choke, and I guarantee Matt Baker can get out of it.

I guarantee you. That's what a black belt is. That's why I bet my money on Nick Diaz that time, Nate Diaz. No, that was awesome. I respect Jiu-Jitsu. When I see, in the beginning, I would drop on people. People go, just get on top of me. Watch this.

And within three minutes, they were fucking choking me with one hand. And I would go, I would just fly out. Like, I'm breathing heavy, and I was on top. I'm having a nervous breakdown. I was on top of you. Look at you. You didn't even break a sweat. Your geese a little messed up.

What about how your vask is putting you in some? side control. Oh, on the floor that time. And you're, what, you're like 100 pounds every of them?

Yeah. And you couldn't get up. I'll try getting out of Matt Baker's side control, right? I give you a fucking five dollars

if you get out of Matt Baker's. You think of buildings on top you. That's what sticking with something is. Sticking with something, guys, it's if Matt Baker,

when you walked into John Jocks, the truth, and when you walked out, if I came to you as an angel and goes, ooh, you will be here

in 20, 20 years. Getting a visual. Would you beat the fuck out of me? Go 20 years. 20 fucking years, Jiu-Jitsu, I ain't that much of a fucking stiff. Would you think that somebody came to you that day and said you'd be doing this for 20 years,

having three successful schools, creating your own world of Jiu-Jitsu through Paris? I mean, you're out there fucking hustling. You're out there hustling. I look at your videos and I take some. Before I go to Jiu-Jitsu, I put your videos on loud. And as I'm putting my knee, pads on and my geepats like the rocky theme yeah i put your videos on i'm honored man thank you know and i take something and i go to like you know when you taught me the side control from 11 to 2

i forgot about putting my hip against you know let me tell you something if if i put my fucking side of my ass against your face listen it's all over it's all just just tap because within three inches you're gonna be sniffing my asshole you got about you got about four minutes before that packet deconstructs okay well that's the ex that's the That's the other part of the move I was going to tell you. Oh, please. And that hip, that hip side changes every. Lee, it changes everything.

And it's like arithmetic. You're just waiting. It's like you're going fishing. Just breathe and stay on top of the guy. He's going to go, and he's going to try to get you off. And all of a sudden, eventually your hand goes through his arm and you've got it. Lee, it's like stealing. You didn't even do nothing.

And next thing is now, part two next time we work together is picking them on. And he picks you up, Lee, and he puts his pressure on. he crushes his knees and he pushes that belt against your fucking back. Damn, you're like, he's got it, man. But I can't. I don't have it yet. So next time we work together, we're going to do part two. I'm going to tell you right now, you nailed it, actually.

Give yourself credit because. Well, the system, your system, that slow movement, constant pressure, keeping him thinking, you know, I look at some of your videos that, listen, this is, this is genius type shit. This is like Jew type shit. You know what, Lee, they can't pass your back if you're not on your back. How do you not? Lee, how are you going to be doing?

Lee, you know what this motherfucker said? They can't pass your guard if you're not on your back. Yeah, that's true. Where are you supposed to be? On your fucking, on your trees holding on to his sleeves. So when he goes to pull up to go away from him, you pop, grab his leg, you drop your hip, he goes down, you got him in a fucking turt. Lee, this is something made for a little. You hit him with an alligator foot, Lee, it's all over.

Lee's got alligator feet. Oh, really? How excited do you get when he puts up a new video? Oh, my God. He whips him up. And listen, Lee, it's just a... He pulls your... We're fat dudes.

He's pulling you up, Lee. He's pulling us up. So he's breathing already. Now you clamp onto his leg like it's a fucking rib. The system was invented for fat dudes. You just clamp on like this, Lee. And you just... You have that foot between his leg.

You put it next to his ankle and you go, bah! It's over. Now is when you've got to work. You gotta get on top and huff and puff and puff a little bit, But if you stick to Matt Baker's system, it's all over but this shouting for fat dudes and dudes who don't want to fly.

Yeah, bait is unite. You know, he's got a side control bait that Lee. It's like you're next to him about to comb his hair. But he don't know. You got your thumb in his key. And when he goes up, he opens his leg like a fucking Cosby victim. You slip your leg out. Boom, you're in fucking Mount Lee.

This shit is fucking simple. I'm retarded. And I'm telling you this. From, you know, these people who go to, you don't get these white buses that come to your And also like I've never done jiu-jitsu before. And also in the black belt's like, ah, he's got him on an arm buff.

Freaking blire. Because people watch videos. I can't learn like that. He's made videos that I can learn. That's a fucking video. You know, you have like the leg lock 101. I'm not ready for all that shit. I ain't I'm lying to you.

That's too complex for me. I don't even need it. I don't need it right now. I don't need it. You teach it to me and I know how to avoid it. But I don't need it. And this is what I'm saying, people. sometimes there's people who translate something to the tiniest degree that you go oh shit it's like

Pacino in that football movie when he takes the kid out and he goes listen it's five o'clock your mom's calling you for dinner you got one more play left remember go to the car and turn I'm going to throw it to you right by the black kettle like it's that simple we in life take everything and we make it so complicated from A to Z myself and included. I'm a stress casparo. Why do I think I smoke reeve for any fucking pounds edibles? Because my mind is going all fucking day. He's made a system that is so fucking fucking easy. You know, we work together for 45 minutes. I go home. That day, I got a jihitsu magazine in the mail. I bumped into the guy, gave me a free subscription. I open

up. There's a picture. I'm fucking blown away. I'm blown away, you know? And then I turn my computer on, I got a fucking periscope. I don't, listen, I ain't know. I know, but I don't have Chrome on my computer. I don't know how to turn it on. Between us, I don't want it on. Chrome just gets motherfuckers in trouble. You know what I'm saying? You get Chrome, and now you're seeing shit that you're not supposed to see.

So I can't catch your Periscope on the computer. I got to catch it on the phone. So sometimes I'm out, you know. Well, thank you. Well, that whole, I'm new to all this Periscope stuff, to be honest with you. It's the future. Yeah. If you're not doing Jumping Jacks on Periscope and you're a fitness trainer, you're slipping.

Yeah. If you're not showing them your little diet in the morning, you're slipping. People want to be involved. Remember when we were kids? Jack Whaleen used to come up in the morning at 9, and you do jumping jacks with Jackalane and the whole of country. People will do that again if you give them a good product. If you tell people, listen to 10 to 11, I'm going to come on in Periscope.

Let's do a 45 minutes kettlebell workout. You know what? Within a month, people are going to call you and say, listen, I'm coming to the house with a fucking check and my retarded kid and my fat fucking wife. You're training everybody. There's a combination, yeah. It's amazing when you give to somebody from your heart. You're giving.

When you do those periscopes with the Mexican hats and fucking mobbo music in the background. Dog, I'm a fucking cop. You understand me? I'm a criminal. I watch everything. I watch a purse. I watch 10 things at once. Can I say why this whole thing started?

Okay. Well, first of all, inspired by you because you are the king of Periscope. Okay, so let's just. Broly Stevens. I come in second. I'm his understudy. Well, I got to say this, man. And you inspire a lot of people.

You guys inspire me, man. And the whole deal is, you know, I got to admit, I'm catching up to this because, you know, I'm in my 40s. I'm going to use that as an excuse. And at that age, you're just trying to stay above water with all the technology stuff coming up. So I started doing the periscope thing. But the main thing that I wanted was I wanted people to be able to ask me questions and me to answer. And it kind of started off that way. And it got to the point where I had a lot of material to work with like, okay, cool, I can answer this.

I answer that. Because what I want is I want people to have the answer to these concepts because realistically the videos, most videos, if they're not flashy, they kind of get overlooked. But the whole thing is the simplicity is why it's successful. The things that I'm trying to do is I'm trying to solve the stuff that happens all the time to people. And there's always an answer. So the whole Periscope thing was intended for people to be able to ask a question and

me just route off the answer real quick. And that's what I wanted people to see happen. But, you know, the questions come in a little bit slower, and then the jokes go up a little bit higher. So just trying to, you know, someone told me not to be too serious. And then now my daughter's telling me to be a little bit more serious because I'm embarrassing her. So it almost makes me want to try harder to embarrass her. But maybe. How old are your daughters?

My daughter, Boomerang, Kylie, is 17 going on. Do they go on Periscope? Are they watching what you're going on? I put her on Periscope. I have one of the Tujitsu. is actually named after her. And, you know, so I, you know, I have fun with that like any dad would do. I have a lot of, I put a little hidden notes and stuff, you know, so sometimes people might

be doing a move that's actually named after, you know, one of my kids and they don't realize it, you know, and it's just, it's an inside joke, but it's fun. And the people that know about it, they, you know, they're like, oh, you know. You got to assume this is any intelligent person, which you're very intelligent. You have to assume that your periscopes, yeah, they inspire a dude like, me, but what you're really doing is there's two guys in South Dakota that are 160 miles

from a fucking Brazilian. Never mind a jiu-jitsu school. You know what I'm saying? And if you say I'm going to do periscope from 8.30 to 9.30, these guys will put fucking geese on and get mats in their house and you inspire them like that.

You're not doing this for the 300 that you think. It's the 20 people that don't have the geese. Yeah. And that comes back to you in spades. If you tell people, I'm going to be there at 9 o'clock. After I teach my fucking hour and a half class and get beat up by fucking purple belts and do an arm bar 80 times for the 80th fucking time,

I'm going to get on here and work with you guys for 30 minutes. You're going to help a lot of people. And it's amazing that eight years from now, you're going to be at a tournament. Some guys are going to go, you know why I learned that? After you see him tap somebody. That's, yes. And your heart's going to fucking stop.

You're going to go, Jesus. I learned that on Periscope. Someday a UFC fighter is going to get his ham raise. Joe Rogan is going to interview him. And where'd you learn that crucifix that way? I've seen it from different variations. Are you Russian? No.

Some fucking professor from Bakersfield. Matt fucking Baker, BJJ, rocking the fucking... Yeah. Well, that's, you know, it becomes an art. Like, you know, going back 20 years, I didn't think it was going to be like this. No. You hit it right on the nail.

I just was, you know, and I even had a couple people to say, some it's funny because like one guy was telling me you you know okay because i had a good moment in class this was 20 years ago okay and then uh he he was you know he was one of the guys that was training with me he goes okay you did good but you know you're just not ever going to be great at this you know you just got to understand that you just there's you're too old and i wasn't even really old back then you know but the whole thing it was kind of something that i was like okay you know i'm just going to be okay you know and i'm but the whole thing is that, you know, I'm not saying I'm great now, I'm not saying I'm smart,

I'm not, you know, that wasn't what I was trying to get at. But what I was basically implying is that 20 years ago, I didn't plan on, you know, things being where they are. And I'm very, I'm very thankful. What the fuck does? Yeah. So, so I didn't even plan on, you know, winning anything or ever having successful moments, but, you know, things have been a blessed, you know, it's been,

things have been really cool and I'm thankful for it. So, so it's more of an art now. Like, now I just, you know, now that I have this fun thing, Like, how far can it go? You know, so here we are. And, like, because to me, I'm like, I'm like five years in, I guess, to my career. And to think about 20 years. You're five years in your life, cocksucker.

What, sure. For 20 years, they had you under a pillow rubbing your feet and shit. I got you out here. You're a new animal. Who are you on feet foot rubs? But anyways, like. Eating Zidian brownies. Who doesn't like me?

Brownies, but no walnuts. Really? $2,000 miles for fucking brownies. Nuts ruined brownies. The fuck out of you. I eat brown nuts. A nice iron in there. Some fucking.

Some fucking. Are you crazy? Walnuts are the worst nuts. Two thousand miles. Two ways. He comes back with Ziti and fucking brownies. You understand? Yeah, because that's what I want.

You see? And that's going to I want. No clams. There's a hundred clams waiting to fucking come to California. You tell people not to eat hummus. You want me to bring like stinky clams on a plane? No. You get a luggage.

For 25 bucks you throw it away. You got a cam out. You got a piece of luggage. You put the clams in there. You put some ice cubes in there. When fucking the peep with the people with the, the airport opened up, they're like, this dude is the real motherfucking deal. They don't know

it's in your suitcase. They don't give a fuck. It's just six hours. You get off the plane, we bring them right to the house, we clam break those things. You show up with Zidi and Foucotch fucking brownies with no nuts of them, you shit. If some kid lit down the blocks with an allergy, he'd even be upset. That's ruined brownies. I'll

say that to the end. But it I can't believe I even remember what it's going to say. That's just shocking. 15 more years seems crazy. I can't even... You can't fathom it. That's what... Nobody at that...

Listen. 25 years ago, I was fucking lost, guys. I had a wife. I had an 18-month-old kid. Maybe I don't know what she was at the time. Maybe 18 months. And I decided to finally get on fucking stage. It took me six fucking months.

My calling and canceling. I'm sick. My mother died. My grandmother died. It was horrible. I was so scared. No, your nerves? Oh, it was every, it wasn't nerves.

Want me to tell you what it was thinking back? I got to be honest with you about one thing. I knew it was going to change my life. There was 8% of me, no, no, no, I'm lying to you. There was 10% of me that I think I was hoping it would change my life. You know what I'm saying? So were you scared to do it because you were? Absolutely.

Okay. Abs of fucking literally. You're comfortable. As a human beings, we get comfortable. We come in this fucking. zone. I just came out of prison. You know, the back of my head I knew about my history, the back of that I knew about, I had no future. I had no future, Matt Baker. I knew what I was. And I was hoping that maybe, maybe, maybe this could at least slow me down if I stop smoking Coke eight

nights a week and go to three. If I stopped thinking about robbing people, if I stopped thinking about going back to New Jersey and quitting this shit and just becoming a criminal. It was just terrible. And I said something to my wife at the time. And a day later, she goes, I gave the baby to my mother that night.

So I'll be able to go with you. We had not been on a date in fucking a year, you know. I was working on a roof in the daytime. And I was, I just quit my, at night I was working as a doorman at a comedy club. And I got to tell you, Matt Baker, I hated my fucking life. I was doing everything I could.

I was trying Buddhism. I made my confirmation. Who makes their confirmation? I'm in a room every Tuesday night with 10 fucking 10 year olds. Talking about Jesus, like a fucking pervert. All I needs a rainjack and I get two years. You know what I'm saying? That's all I need.

I swear to God, I went back and took CRD study, Catholic youth organization, Tuesday nights with a priest and eight fucking kids that were 10, trying to learn that confirmation. There I am a big dog. Sitting at one of the little key desks, the little desk? No, no, you went to the church, and he would talk from the thing. From the pulpit, and you would do the study there, you know. And then Monday nights, I would go to, not in the Rope Institute.

I keep saying the Rope. I used to go to Neropa for other things on Saturdays for readings and shit. But on Monday nights, I would go up to the mountains to Chautauqua. And they do walking meditation, the stinkiest white people you ever met in your fucking life. Okay, they haven't taken showers in years. But at the time, Matt Baker, that's how lost it. was it's funny because today they were talking about how quick the FBI has a thing now, how long it takes to get.

What's the word when you go from zero to 60 and you become a full out radical? There's a word for the transformation when you radicalize or something like that. And they were talking about how things have to be happening in your life for something like that to enter and make sense. You know what I'm saying? Like you go through a divorce, your kid don't want to talk to you. You know, your dog got hit by a car, your job put you on part-time, you know, you're weak. All of a sudden, you're mad at Hillary. All of a sudden, you're mad at Donald Trump.

And next thing, you know, you're fucking eating in the hummus and some dudes whispering in your ear, I got the answer. You know what I'm saying? And all of a sudden it sticks. And I can't believe that at that time at my life, nothing was sticking. God forbid 10 people would have showed up with bazookas. and so let's take over a country because your life's not going to. I mean, that's how weak I was mentally, looking back at that. And as much as I hate this woman, I thought about how she put me on the spot.

She had already made a commitment to give the kid to a mother, and she had already made plans. She was excited. So now my balls are held to the wall guy. I couldn't back out now. So at that moment, I fucking ran that Judy Carter book, and I wrote fucking three minutes of material. And I still remember driving down there, what we drove, you know,

what I felt like because I knew I was going to walk through a new fucking door. But I didn't want to, in a way. You know what I'm saying? Like, I didn't want to. And Matt Woods was the headline of that night. It was an open mic. I was going to ask you if you still remember, like, your whole, yeah. Not even close at that time.

Some about Godzilla. I think something stupid about him coming out of the Hudson. I think. I'm not even sure at that time. if I had developed that. And I went up there for three minutes, and when I got off, I got great applause. And the owner of the club said I had good presents.

And then I had to work with my material. Then Matt Woods came over. He was a Long Island guy. And he was like, keep coming back here. There's something there, you know? And I remember leaving there like in shock. Like physical, fucking, physical, psychological, spiritually, like I had arrived.

Like, I got baptized. That was it. Were you worried you were going to bomb? Is that what you were most worried about? Or were you worried that you were going to do well? I was worried I was going to find the answer to all my problems. And while I was there, before I left, some guy got me a gig for five bucks. Thank that guy.

And I went and did that gig and did well. And then I was just walking on a cloud. Now I didn't know what to do or how to do it. I just knew what I wanted to do. So I think I went up again in August. at a Denver Bronco function, but John and I wouldn't show up. So it was just the other fucking Bronco,

some rookies and shit. Up and Greeley, it stunk like death up there. But the guy got me two gigs. I did that gig, then I got another gig for like $50. So it was just really amazing. And then September was when I cracked.

And my wife said, you should go back to New York and see what you want to do. And I went to New York, and I went to do comedy, but I didn't do comedy one time. I did everything about fucking comedy. And I went to the clubs at night.

and just watched the open mics and I scared the fuck out of me. I went back to Colorado and then as I got to Colorado, the local paper, had a contest, a comedy contest. And how can I and I go down? People were calling me up going hey man, go down there and I'm like

fuck. Fuck! Do you think it was a mistake to go to New York? Should you stay in Colorado? For those two weeks? No, I had not been back to New York for six years. It's really weird how your life works out. I had not been back to New York. for six years. I was turned off completely. I didn't want to go back to Jersey. I never wanted to see

those people again. But at that point, I was so fucking lost. I said, let me go back there and walk those streets. I ended up going back, I'm kind of hooking up on my stepfather, seeing my friends, and then I broke the news to them, and they kind of laughed in my face. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm going to try to stand up calming. They were like, oh, that's great. Do another line of Coke. You know what I'm saying? Like, we were just partying that, and all of some I dropped it on And I went back home in that contest And I won the first round I think I won the second round

And then I got my wife I went home one afternoon And my wife had found the loan Matt Baker that I took But I paid real quick It was to flip a car And she wanted to get separated And I was like

Matt Baker I heard you know those When you see Movies and Jesus shows up You hear those organs And shit It was something like I loved my child

but this was what was in my way the whole time. I knew it. I knew I didn't want to be fucking married. Not to her. There was nothing there. There was nothing there. There was two kids who evolved and became something else and then realized the same thing for me for the rest of our lives.

But now we got this kid. And then whatever happened happened. But this whole week I've been struggling with the fact that I don't know what made me stuck with it. Like when she left, I was fucking brokenhearted. I just kept getting on stuff. I met girls and I did drugs but next thing you know I was getting calls for gigs guys

not big money gigs and not like the improv I mean fucking Lee you would giggle the play Jimmy Abeda used to get me fucking gigs everywhere for 40 bucks like a bars or something like a bar but I had gotten to every Tuesday night for the first year this is what saved

me every Tuesday night I had to go on stage and come up with new material that saved me. I had that job for 18 months. That turned me into that kind of, that's like going somewhere two times a week and rolling for an hour with a black belt. You'll get good because there's certain things

you got to do in that room. It's the same fucking customers. It's the same people. It was 1595 and you got a steak on a baked potato and fucking you got a comedy ticket. Same type of people went every week to get the fucking 1595 steak because it was really a $30 step during a week.

during the week so that's a lot of pressure because if you're not coming up with something new oh shh oh yeah i remember one time i put on the madonna cones way before you or even thought in your dad's pants this is 19 when were you born 88 oh it's a 5 Madonna was huge in 92 but she did one song where she had cones on her tithes remember that and i came out with the cones please tell me you have a picture because that would be great Of me or Madonna. No, no Madonna, please. Come on.

No, I came out with the cones on my teeth. It was just a year. And what saved me was that my friends would come to the show. And they would giggle. I had a really, like, I knew people. I lived in bold. I went to prison and bold. You know what I'm saying?

So people, I knew motherfuckers, dog. I went to prison and love that. I did. That's where they locked me up. You're going to lie to you? It's just the things that we stick with. So do people, well, okay, so in the process of writing now, like, this is kind of interesting. So, you know, how do you, how do you come up with material now?

I mean, was it observational? Observation. Yeah. I mean, it just kind of, it would seem like the more you're exposed to stuff, the easier it probably gets, right? Well, you know what, man? You have so many stories. It's just kind of like, okay, the suck of your life is probably the easier it is to come up with stuff. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, because you have to humor yourself.

So you look at things from a different perspective. It's like last week, the fucking gorilla. You know, everybody made, you know, I was thinking about that fucking gorilla house. You know what? Look at that gorilla. He ain't a normal gorilla. That's a retarded gorilla. Like, he ain't right.

If you have kids and you go to a zoo in the country right now, you got fucked up gorillas. I tell you, I'm telling you, I've been telling people on stage. They're awful. China gets the best guerrillas. China pays top dollar for gorillas for 15 mil, 20 mil. So they get the best. The reason why these are in danger because they're retarded.

There's not a lot of them left. That's why they're in danger because we got the retarded fucking apes. They stick their finger in their ass and sniffing in front of your 10-year-old. How do you explain that to your 10-year-old? They throw shit at each other. Those are retarded guerrillas dog.

Guerrillas are intelligent. You ever see a lion in the zoo? He's been shot two times. They got him with his bush. He got flies everywhere. Go to fucking China. Look at the fucking lions in China. They combed.

They got nice teeth. Everybody's fucking happy. You're crazy. We get bummy fucking animals. We get bummy fucking animals. Go to the L.A. Zoo. Go to the L.A. Zoo. I haven't even been.

Oh, first off, it's all up hill. So you've got to be Johnny fucking shape. Yeah, no. To go to the L.A. Zoo. You got to be in shape. Or you got to take a train that goes a mile an hour. You rather shoot yourself. And then they play the same fucking song over and over with some dude, you know, he's getting $6.50 an hour.

And he's about ready to take that train back to Mexico. You can tell. You can tell. You can tell. He's like, I'm. taking this train back to Mexico. Okay, so he's Mexican? I don't know.

It could be anything. I'm just saying. He could be anything, but it's a fucking, my wife's like, I got to keep my, yeah, you got to keep eyes open at the zoo, because I'll tell you what, I'm not even a terrorist. And there's times I go to the zoo

and I want to shoot everybody. I swear to God, the apes, because they're all fucked up at those zoos. I went to the zoo in Big Bear, and it's all animals that have been, like, rescued to, like, this is, like, a three-legged bear. It was crazy.

But did you know, This was actually really weird. China owns all pandas. Even if a panda is born here, China owns it. Yeah, but guess what? Even that pandas is fucked up. I guarantee the pandas we got over here, they're all fucked up.

The pandas, they got over there nice. They fuck the smell like cotton. I don't know, Matt Baker. You know what I'm saying? I'm just trying to tell you how it was. That was pretty, yeah, man, so just good perspective. No, it's true. You have to look at things.

Sometimes I look at things because I know we're getting bullshitted. You got to assume 70% of the media is bullshit and you're scaring you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know. Listen, when the report first came out of Orlando, he had called, whatever, and then it got deeper and deeper and deeper. God knows. God knows. You sit there and you sit there yesterday.

I sat there for 45 minutes watching CNN, you know, thinking about people I know and I don't know in situations. I mean, Felipe was there. Right. Yeah, he was. He was. Joy Follado was there in Orlando at the fucking resort. I have an aunt who lives there. And, you know, Damon's father's there.

God, that's like somebody shooting somebody down the corner like that. Yeah. Well, I can't, guys, you can't, when a person dies, you could feel that person's spirit in the neighborhood for a couple days before that person gets buried. That person is not going to sound a fucking leave. You could feel it in the ass. Something's wrong. My mom died of rain for a few days in Jersey. Cloudy weather, you could feel it. Then the sun comes out and everything moves. Can you imagine what that smells like over there right now with the gunpowder?

You could smell the death in the air. If any city doesn't deserve that, if you ever been to a landowner, I mean, listen, it's not Johnny Glam or whatever, but fucking Disneyland. There's kids that have to see all those cops. It's just a horrible fucking disaster. You know, it's going on right now, but it's the world we're evolving, there's nothing you can do. Where's Tony Bennett? You got upset. Oh, we haven't been doing you. You're fucking slipping here. This is a perfect Tony Bennett time. I apologize. I don't know what you're thinking.

We haven't been doing Tony Bennett. I know. You've been slipping lately. That's what I'm saying. You do a star of death. You think about Ziti. Matt Baker's very great to have you on here today. It's a privilege to be here, man. So I... It takes balls. Well...

Here we go. Do a little swing and pop. Make believe you got the fucking hat on, though, baby. I can't wear the hat now. You had two other bodies. I'm watching. You don't think I watched. You think I'm some fucking Johnny come lately. I've got to pay attention.

Pedro's got another plan. Pedro's got plan B. No. No. I like the music. In the periscope, one periscope, you told him to turn it down. It sounds a good.

No, I have. It's all inspired. It's all for a purpose. You got a good idea, and I know your heart is. So it's like, what made you come up with that name? Well, the whole, see, this is the whole deal. When, you know, back to 20 years ago, never really thought I was going to get anywhere with Jiu-Jitsu.

It was just something I was hoping to do. and you know I had my moments where things were good and things were bad but the irony is is that when I had the best moments is when my actual body declined and you know I had a neck injury and that neck injury was something that I was kind of encouraged not to do jiu-jitsu anymore so it was like well I think you should stop you know and you know that's really not an option when you have a school there's just no way you're going to you know be able to not roll so uh concepts that kind of were forced. I just basically was pushed. I think all good things happened for a reason. And it was one of these things where my neck was giving me a lot of problems,

and it was forcing me to use my brain more. So a lot of concepts I started using basically to get by for the lack of ability of being physical. So, I mean, I've never been a natural athlete. I would never say, like, I was, you know, all the years of Jesus, and no one ever said that I was strong or I was, you know, very, you know, athletic or whatever. So not that I was ever physical, but, you know, the better moments where I actually was healthy and I was in better shape, you know, I would have some wins, some losses. And then, you know, every once in a while things were, you know, there was some good moments. But then what ended up happening was, you know, you got to the point where I really couldn't even do a push-up

because this neck was bothering me, which, you know, the same thing like Chris Whiten when he's going through, you know, so I guess he's got to get surgery. You got it, right, yeah. It's a pretty common thing because, you know, wrestlers, you know, they're pushing with their neck. And I would say I was actually probably being more physical

in my earlier, you know, ways of playing jihitsu. But being forced to rearrange your movement, it actually opened up a whole new perspective as far as... And to be honest with you, it wasn't like all of a sudden at once. It was like accumulatively, probably over the last five, maybe even, I think, you know, it's been a while, but years I was like, I remember when I used to do this. And this was easier for me and I didn't really, you know, I didn't really have a bad moment I was playing this way. And then I had another season, you know, because you have these moments where things are going well for you and then things are going bad. And it really what it boils down to is it's trial and air.

It's a situation where you're, you know, every time you're bowling, you're basically, if you're playing correctly, you're seeing what works and what doesn't work. And, you know, when my body failed, my brain was kind of forced to kick in. And then that's where these concepts came in that, you know, I said, well, this isn't really something that's physical. It's not really something that I'm going to have to go lift weights to do. And slowly but surely I started getting encouragement from some close people and friends and everything. And, you know, we have a certain way that we're doing stuff that's kind of different. So that's where this kinesiology-based movement and ways of playing, you know, came about. So you start getting all this information.

And, you know, and I also ref, too. I've been reffing for a podcast. That's what I was going to ask you. Yeah. Picture you, reffing. And that's another reason why I know you're not fucking around because you're looking at it from all perspectives. I know you're wrapping going, look at that guy and putting it like that. Exactly.

And you want to even yell, take that arm, 10. No, I've actually done that. Like, you know, at least minutes, I'm like, you know what? Because sometimes your heart goes out to these people because they're so good at jujitsu. Like some people are, you know, if you want to be, you know, if you want to be amazed by by jujitsu, watch, watch juveniles. Watch kids because you get a kid that's been training since he's, you know, he's 12 years old, he's trained since he's five. That's seven years. seven years of a heart that won't stop.

No physical, you know, they're flexible. I mean, they have no physical hangups. They're not sore. They go constantly. And then when they start doing moves, you know, they move. Some of them move so efficiently. It's like they are more entertaining than adults. I mean, that's a very, you know, I'm not the first person that said that,

but I was roughing at a tournament yesterday all day. So amazing matches. I'm like, goodness. So sometimes you see people do amazing. amazing jiu-jitsu and still lose. But the reason why is not because of, you know, a skill issue is because their approach, because they moved too much. They didn't position themselves. They were going from one thing to another to another to another. And realistically, when it comes right on to it, you know, sometimes the best thing is not to move. The best thing is just to chill

out. You have a position. Don't do one thing if it's not going to just be for you. If you're moving, but it gives them a chance, then that's kind of the biggest thing with you. Jiu-jitsu. Like, you know, I basically have a lot of moves that's somewhat or simple, but the whole purpose of, I mean, when you have someone in 11 and 2, you know, do they, what opportunities are you giving them? You know, I mean, we went over that,

and we just briefly went over. I've had lighter guys tap now, just from the 11th or 2, if I do it correctly. If they're moving a lot, it's so weird how sometimes you go to a class and you have an answer and I put you on and you just gave me the answer one day I left hand I didn't do something right and it was that I didn't hold a lapel with the hand

and then I watched that tape and I went to class the next day and I got into 11 to 2 and I shifted my hip and as soon as I shifted my hip Lee he put his hand up to push boom I trapped it now I had to pull him up now I trapped it and I settled there

and now I got like a state Yeah. I stayed there and I settled. I didn't go to pull the arm or pick him up. I picked one leg up slowly. That's the point I'm getting at. It's like, what would have happened if you picked up the arm and threw your leg over the head and then went back from the – fell back from the arm. Would that have given him a window to maybe get out?

Absolutely. That's the whole point. So I look at the whole thing. Once I grab your arm, I'm so excited. I'm huffing and puffing myself and through anxiety. Do you understand? And that's what you learn. You learn to calm yourself down.

Get a good grip on it. Get your handle right. And this is what I'm applying to comedy. Yeah. I can't stress it enough. I am, every time I go somewhere in a week, and this week I went to Omaha. Friday, first show, I was men's amort.

Friday, second show, I was a little better. Saturday first show, I was really good. But Friday, a Saturday second show, it was fucking different level. Different fucking level comedy. And I didn't like the weekend. I knew I was going to have a problem on Friday because I didn't get up on stage.

on Thursday. They didn't have a Thursday. If I would have gone on stage Thursday, I would have done an hour loosened up, see what parameters I could push, and then take it from there. My point being that Saturday night, I was doing jiu-jitsu on stage. It was really weird. I kept catching myself in different situations,

but I was breathing my way out of them. That's cool. That's cool. You know, you read all these things about if you control your relaxation, you control your fear. Fucking hey, you do. Fucking hey, you're doing. Dr. Belize is kind of.

coming back in a few weeks. Like in two or three weeks, I'm trying to nail it down. She's coming, but she wants to come back on about acid reflux. But it was so weird doing her thing. She was talking about it. If you just shut your mouth and relax your jaw and breathe out of your nose, automatically lowers your blood pressure and something else, she was saying. That's fucking amazing.

Yeah. Fucking amazing. And when somebody my size is laying on you, that's all you got to do is breathe it out a little bit, wait until I go for an arm, wait for me to make a mistake, basically. You know, you're not going to move. move me. You're just going to burn yourself out moving me. You might get a little better position. But by that time, you're huffing and puffing, I'm just laying on you even more in side

control, you know. See, those types of concepts, though, they don't happen on accident. It's like observation, experience. Like, see, the whole true jitsu, I don't even, you know, the funny thing is I still have a hard time explaining if it's a system or, you know, what, and that's the whole deal. It's your art. Yeah, it's a form of art.

Yeah, it's a form of art. Exactly. you and you know what some kid who's 22 might go to your school he'll love you professor baker but he wants to do flying fucking barram bolos and and i know in some of you i like in the 101 leg lock you go into a z guard i'm lost once you go into a z guard and stuff like that you know i'm 25 years old i'm six foot one one 85 i got aspirations but i'm not telling you yeah and you get those guys they have aspirations but i'm not telling you when i walk in here for the first time I'm just an office guy, you know, I'm just bumbling a long life.

Meanwhile, I'm jerking off every time he sees Randy Couture. So he comes in. No, it's the truth. Hey, listen, man, I was jerking off when I'd see Eddie Murphy was coming to town. It's the same concept. I went to see Jerry Seinfeld, and you come in, and next thing, you know, maybe, Professor, he wants to do berumbolos and more ex-guards and more flying tracts. through the fucking air.

And he's going to last six months. And he's going to take something from what you learned. Yeah. But he wants to go to something like that. Everybody has a different style. Yeah. Everybody has a different. You know, when you're a kid, you take Shodokan, you take Yish and Roo, you take

Gushenru, you take Russian Roo, you take Okinawa. You know what? At the end of the fucking week, you're doing the same punches and the same fucking kicks. But what you're learning is what? that guy learned from his 20 years of experience and he cut the fat out of a lot of shit because he knows what the percentage rate is.

The first time you and I spoke, you spoke about something that you talked to me. I'm a basketball player. Listen, a dunk is 100% move. When I'm a team, I'm in Africa looking for seven foot eight dudes. Listen, come here. All I want you to do

is get the ball and slam it, okay? I'm going to give you 20 million a year. The whole family over. No more shooting people for milk. No sky hooks. Okay. No more nothing. We're going to fucking do this right.

I just, no sky hooks. I just want you to take the ball and who's ever in front of it. I want you to slam it like they coming to shoot your family for diamonds. Okay. That's it. This is fucking it. So that's what you, when you spoke to me that morning about percentage, I go, oh, this fucking guy is coming at me from my language. Well, I see, the whole thing is.

I want people that are, look, one guy came up, one of my buddies, Justin, one of the students, he, training partners, I want to call him, he said, Betas unite. And it was so funny because the concepts of jujitsu, you know, they're good for everybody. I mean, if you're an athlete, so be it, you know. But what I don't want people to feel is that they have to do CrossFit or they have to lift weights or they have to do a bunch of athletic training to be good at Jiu-Jitsu. Because there is a way to move that negates all of the strength and all the athleticism of somebody. And I'm laughing, Professor, not laughing at you.

No, I'm laughing because I tell you why, Professor. Okay. So tomorrow I'm sorry about kettle bills. I sent Lisa Yet to you tomorrow. Okay. I want you to look at Lisa. Lysa at Ressled in high school. You look at Lisa.

No, well. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. He's not convincing me that he wrestled. You still did the drills and you still threw your little fucking alligator feet over people and you shouldn't you climbed on them like this is fucking the Wawawawawab Kingdom. Well, my point is Lysayette is that I used to row with Lee.

Just to breathe, okay? If Lee takes you down on a takedown, and by mistake, because this kid wouldn't hurt himself, he lands with that fucking little Osherst shoulder. I think they threw these Jews on their shoulders, and their shoulders got strong over civilization. When this motherfucker lands on you, Lee, how many times that tap when you landed on me?

Dog, he's a bull. His shoulder would go into your solar plexes and you see saints and shit. Okay, so when you see this kid, okay, now look at him, Lee's a strong kid, but look, I love you to death, Matt Baker, but he'd be going to spend hours teaching him a reverse show. His fucking legs, he got the legs of a fucking fidget. He's not going nowhere. He can't even wrap his legs around nobody. So let's teach him to move.

Like Bruce Lee said, what's the easiest thing for him? Take the dude down, shove that shoulder with his thing, spin him around. grab that lower arm and Camorra just put them in the corner yeah for a month you teach him how to choke but you're wasting your time his percentage of getting that choke with his legs before the guy grabs that alligator foot and panics and taps is fucking quick okay if he grabs you from the back he will pop your head off your shoulders leaves a strong motherfucker he's young when he grab you by the guine shit just manhandle you but I have T-Rex arms I can't choke no no no but those arms are jitsu perfect ain't nobody arm barring you they got to bring stilts to fucking arm bar you unless they got an extension you know what I'm saying ain't nobody arm bar in you so that's a nightmare the only thing they can do is comoria good luck good luck if you hold on to that little camora arm look at it your arm is anti-jutsu they can't grab look at those things so Lee has strength that's the beauty about jujitsu Lee's not going to choke you out with that but Lee's going to get two moves and you know what

you're going to win the worlds with those two moves that's the beauty of you Neon belly, those class. Oh, yeah, your neon belly with that little knee too? I don't know what they did over there, but they toughen those joints up over DNA. I don't know what they did. You bad motherfucker, you. But it's so weird that that's what you've created. You've created a system that's very one, two, three.

And if you do this, just like this, this is going to happen eventually. Yeah, well, going back to the young kid that, you know, wants to do the fancier moves, you know there's there's a lot of training partners that i have that they do that but simplicity is where you're going to find your success and you know part of the problem with with the modern jiu jitsu game is it's based on your grips you know your arm it's like a chain so this is one link your elbows the other link your fingers are the you know the smallest links so you know let's just break it down to a science if you had to carry something thing really heavy, what part of the chain is going to fail you?

The fingers. So why play a game against an athlete that is amazing that's going to be relying on the smallest part, the smallest links of the chain? So, you know, and that's kind of a simple thing that I, that, you know, with a lot of people that play that, that's what I just try to tell them. You know, so that's going to be, so if you're going to play that game, you've got to know when to cut and run when it's not working. Quit doing the same thing when the person's moving too much.

First of all, when they're standing up, they have a lot of mobility. You know, guard players have the advantage because they have four limbs pointed up as opposed to someone on top who just has two that, you know, realistically, you're not even supposed to be reaching. So that's a reason why jiu-jitsu is turned into a guard player's game because there's so many guard concepts. But at the same time, you know, there was a meme that just came out. Someone put it out with the jaws eating the guy when he's on a boat. Did you see that one? No.

Yeah, and it was basically when playing open guard goes wrong. But realistically, there's so many dynamics when you play open guard, when you play these, you know. So, so, Trujitsu has concepts that, you know, what I was going to say is a couple of those flashing moves that I put. I'm actually, there's going to be a two-part process. I showed, you know, a leg lock recently called the 661, but, you know, a lot of people kindly, they have fun. The 101 is beautiful. Yeah, the 101 is simple. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and you're not giving, normally that would be a bad move. See, because one of the biggest traits are. true jitsu is every move that you do counts for you, not them. And if you're doing a move that gives them an opportunity, then that's not a true move. And that's one of the things that I, you know, that's a reason why things are scaled down to simplicity. That's a reason why it's mostly the most important position for you to get is taking someone's back. So the deeper, you know, someone goes into these trujitsu concepts. That's generally where I'm going to take them. I'm going to say, you know, this is where we want to be. We want to take someone's back. Or we want to kamoor them. But right after the

Comorik is the back take. That would be the next phase of where that, Joe, if we end up if we end up in back in that situation again, that's the next thing we're going over is how to take the back. And in Jiu-Jitsu magazine, actually, that was one of the other techniques from that move that, you know, we went over. But what I want people to understand is it, it's not based on strength or athleticism, just like the 11 and 2 position, you know, that, you know, that we have from there. You don't have to be strong. Lee could do it. Lee, I promise you you would find success with it,

and I think he would, you know. I'm telling you, Lee, it's changed completely. I'm not focusing on his hip anymore. That's the big difference. Once I pass that hip, I don't see it again. I'm not focused on him. It's a lot harder for him to retain his guard. He's got to go 138 fucking degrees compared to six degrees.

It's not going to happen. The match should end with either you keeping him there or you tapping him? And if I get his head looking the other way with this side of my gut, it lights out. He's stuck there for a couple minutes. Unless he's a high-level blue belt. I've been thrown to the other way. Not yet.

But I've struggled with them. They've gained position some way or outlast in me or whatever. But that's kind of thing. We need the next chapter. Yes. Because I mean, we've only gone over one page of it. Yeah. Not even.

Not even. I know you got 29 fucking pages. I just didn't want to saturate with you of like, you know, these video clips. like that figured, you know, I need to, you know, I need to hands on experience. No, all that stuff really, yeah. So much, there's only so much I can see on these videos that I'm putting out, to be honest with you, I'm not putting out, like most of them are a minute and a half because I've done longer videos in the past with the other projects I've done. And people, they kind of lose, they lose their attention when it's three minutes long. It's like, you know, it's too much.

But when I do little snippets, I'm trying to build, you know, I'm trying to take them down a road that will build up, you know, a game for them. And, you know, the thing is, is it just like with 11 and 2, you know, there's a lot of positions from guard that are the same. You know, like they're just ironclad not, they're not going to get out. You know, once you have them here, and that's a whole deal. Once you have them there, then it's like, okay, don't move a bunch. Just what you want is you want someone when you approach them and when you roll with them, as soon as you make contact, you connect. And that's just it. Like they're already in trouble.

You taught this thing on one of the videos where even if they sweep you, you have disconnected. Disconnected. Yeah. See, there's connection is not, people are starting to get that more, but there's also disconnection. And, you know, in the whole jujitsu library of things, it's not about any one particular thing. It's about all of them, you know, connection, disconnection, framing, you know, you know, course pressure, course leverage.

It's all of the elements that you hear about Jiu-Jitsu, because there's many things that you do in the game. That's a beauty of Jiu-Jitsu. It's so dynamic. But you've got to know when to do them at the right time because that's where a lot of these people lose matches. And I've, like I was saying earlier, I've actually, you know, like talk to someone and matches done.

I go, man, you know what? You're awesome. Please don't stop. You know, because they're like heartbroken. Because you can tell they work so hard. They put their life on hold for two months for this tournament, and then they still came up short. And it was like, you know what? You are so good.

You're actually better than the other guy, but you just did too much. You should have stopped right there. You went to your mom and dad. You asked for $20. They said yes, so then you kicked it up to $50. And now they said, I forget it. You're not getting nothing. That's what you did.

You just took it a little too far. Less is more. And, you know, like I said, earlier, it's like, you know, I think if I, if I, I think if I I didn't have that, you know, this hiccup with my neck, which I've managed to figure out more now. I probably would still be trying to, like, crush people and slam people and, you know, force moves. So it was a blessing. Like when Bruce Lee in the movie.

I don't, yeah. In the movie, they fucking made that story up. He was in the hospital crippled. And he wrote the book upside down and shit. Well, that's what you did. You took a bad situation and you turned it into something good, which a lot of people, some people give up. Some people turn into something else. That's the impressive thing.

I'm still very lucky. No, no, no. You know, I watch your videos, and it's so weird how for the last two years, my secret hobby is watching jiu-jitsu videos. I go from watching matches, you know. I like Hodgurracy's matches against the guy up in Not Romulo. And I like, that's one of my favorite matches

because it really taught me the real spirit of jiu-jitsu. It's very slow, and it's a pressure game. And before I lose this fucking weight, You gotta use this weight. And after you do you through 10 years, a guy that weighs 120 should weigh 200 on you if he's doing the right fucking thing. You know, I watched the Henry Atkins tape. Yeah. Last week, he talks about a pressure game or something like that.

The lady, Dr. Belize, sent me one of his videos. She goes, look at this pressure game thing. Everybody has a different art. I'm impressed with it. I'm impressed with, I look at you guys, and I try to connect comedy to that. like how you're holding our attention to jitsu. You know how hard that is for some people to actually watch somebody, teach a move?

There's a thousand arm bars. Type an arm bar on YouTube. There's got to be 2,000 fucking pages of arm bars and your videos stick out because you've broke it down to a layman term. I don't know what they're talking about with wrestling. I have no idea. 531,000 videos.

On the arm bar. What does that tell you? What does that tell you about this fucking art? Let's pretend some of them are doubles. Oh, yeah, and some of them are like... Let's pretend some of them are trippers. One of this is like a crazy girl. Let's give it a low number.

Let's say 100,000 variations. There's a thousand white Chinese, Brazilians, Martians, people translating their arm bar. Well, the hidden art of this game, you know, that we're talking about is to do stuff that people don't understand, you know, that they don't see. They don't, you know, it's hard. You know, the Tujitsu stuff, do you think that I could have, like, okay, if I hadn't, like, grabbed and showed you the mover kind of, you know, position it?

Do you think you would have caught on to it without feeling it? No. That's the thing. It's like, it's so hard to translate stuff on video. And, like, that's, you know, that's the other thing that I'm, you know, that I, then I notice. It's like, I'm putting videos out that one may not be. the flashiest, so may get overlooked.

But I think the people that are maybe, you know, paying attention to it are the ones that are wanting results. You know, they're wanting results and they're wanting to get past problems that they're running into that realistically, I've been there. That's a whole thing. Let me ask you something. When you talk about percentage, okay, percentage Jiu-Jitsu, we can break this down for people. What's the best submission of the year this year?

there's been two. Yeah, well. One of them has been Nate Diaz and what's the other one? Holly Holmes got submitted. It's the RNC.

All right. That's where everything should be going. You know, the rear naked joke, it went back to them, you know, did you two 101?

Well, the three most famous performances that I use as an example and I hate the name drop, but, you know, the whole thing is, so when I'm talking to my students, that's what I tell them,

If you're not going to listen to me, and that's fine, you know, because every once in a while you'll see younger guys are just kind of like, oh, gosh, here we go back to the back takes. And I go, look, what was that? What was the most iconic person in Jiu-Jitsu? What's his main thing he does? You know, well, what do you see Hickson do? A lot of pitches have been taking the bag. Whenever John Jack had his greatest performance, what was he doing? Abu Dhabi, what did he do?

What's his iconic pitcher? Oh, he's taking someone's back. You know, and then that young kid that now is considered pound for pound the best in the world. you know, what was he doing? What did he do in Abu Dhabi? And this is, and, you know, and then you have people that are like, well, you know, gee, no gee, what works, you take someone's back and you choke them. And that's Marcel Garcia was a third one.

So these, you know, so that's the whole deal, you know, like, but realistically, it's not going to be, it's not something that has to be complicated. And the more complicated you make it, the more physical you make it. So. Look at Lee's on planet jihitzur. right now. Look at him. He hasn't been that high in fucking weeks. Yeah. No, I'm good.

I was wondering what your most common questions are the people get. Because when I started do Jit-too, even though I had a small wrestling background, I really had no knowledge at all. So I would have had a thousand questions.

So what do you get most questions about? Usually you had to get out of submissions. How to get out of like bad positions. Like I'm stuck in a mount or how do you get out of guillotine? How do you, you know, what? So I think because when people first start training, you know, they feel frustrated in a sense of they're getting beat up a lot. But, you know, there's certain simple things that you can do that realistically they negate everything that, you know, you're having to deal with.

So whenever you, if you're in someone's guard, probably one of the simplest things to do is never put your hands above their belt line. because if your hands aren't above their belt, then you're out of range of their attacks. Like all the submissions that people do, it's from things that are in front of someone. Like if you are looking at someone, you're in their guard, you know, and, you know, when you put your hands on the belt,

that's going to keep your posture away to the point where they can't reach your neck enough to choke it. So a lot of people go for like the arms or the underhooks, you're saying that's the mistake. Well, if you're the top, like, you know, I think what happens is a lot of people, you know, when they first,

start in jiu-jitsu, you know, they end up in someone's guard, in someone's guard, and the person arm bars them, their triangles them, or cross-chokes them, you know, or does all those things, but all of those things that they run into, all of those attacks, they're only happening because they're in, they're in what we call the strike zone. Okay. So the strike zone is the area from the person's belt to their chest. And if you put your hands anywhere in that area, then you're in target range for them to attack your neck or pull your arm across and go for the arm or pull one over and go for a triangle. So, you know, that, that's like one concept. Just simple, strike zone. Strike zone, and that negates all the attacks that everyone can do from your

guard. The other thing is, you know, the positioning of your arms, the way have your arms framed. But if someone does the strike zone, and then if that fails, they frame their arms, then, you know, they're not getting caught. It's just the percentage rate of all the submissions drop down to 10% So in matter of fact Most of the time When the person's going For the submission

They open up their guard And that gives the person An opportunity to go for a pass So that's the other thing You not only want to shut down Or negate their opportunities You attack But you want every attack that they do

To be an opportunity For you to pass their guard Because when the legs are apart The guard is open The windows are open The only thing is that people They maybe just don't get How their arm is

Because if I go underneath One of your legs But I leave my arm out reaching or it's slow and the person's going to pull my arm and I'm back in trouble again. So the simple fundamentals of Tujitsu, you know, they negate so many things. I look at it like this. If you have a bunch of blocks and you stack them up, you know, I'm not trying to knock all the, you know, I want to get the one at the bottom and pull that one and then all the other ones fall on its own. So, you know, from being in bad situations at tournaments and, you know,

and, you know, I'll admit it, I've been put to sleep. you know, in front of 20 students and I learned I learned how cross joke works on that. Listen, if you don't get put to sleep, you can't put people to sleep. Yeah, well, that's what people, you know, I put,

I put athletes on here before, fighters, you know, and I like all of them, but I, I'm very intrigued with Jiu-Jitsu and the, one of those people that fucking the translation, of jiu jih Tita you

Eddie Bravo Marcelo Garcia and for a guy like me that I would never believe I'd walk into a jujitsu place because I hate feet and I hate the smell of rotten ass and all that shit and people sweating on me I don't even like broad sweating on me.

The only sweat I want on me a monkey sweat. That's it. No other sweat do I want on Uncle Joey but something about it intrigued me and the reason why I have high level jih Tujitoo guys on the show is because, you know, it showed me so many of my weaknesses at an age when I didn't know I had these weaknesses

in so many levels, in so many levels, mentally, physically, and it made me work harder. It made me drink more water. It made me make up, this morning I had a meeting. I skipped breakfast. I had a protein smoothie with fucking fruit with almond milk. Then I went to my meeting. Usually I would have eggs at the house and bake it.

Yeah, you make that almond milk protein. It tastes like ass. If you want me to sit here and tell you, every day it's like I'm shooting fucking dice. I don't know what I'm doing. You sell it so good. If you put the fresh fruit in, it tastes like ass. If you put the fresh fruit in and you put the ice in and you smell the blender, like, Jesus Christ, what are they putting in these fucking raspberries and bananas? Man, you, you got to mix it up a little bit.

I take a couple CBD drops in my tongue to strengthen my bones. You know, I take a little baby aspirin to get my heart going. These are all the things I was not doing before Jiu-Jitsu. It's a 50-year-old. I was not looking at these little things. It opened up a world of weaknesses for me that I had to conquer for me to even make it to 60, which is breathing, breathing, anxiety, and the world we live in today, brother, what if, what if two-ton Tony, Uncle Joey Diaz,

after not washing his ass, after snort and coke for fucking four weeks, jumps you from the bushes and gets on top of you? and you don't even know what's going on in today's world with everything that's going into your fucking psyche you know if you if you know how to breathe and you lay on the floor and breathe it out and know that he doesn't have a knife you have control of his leg

something something to give you a little security Lee we had a discussion yesterday what did you tell me what did you tell me what did you tell me he was doing this week looking and they get a gun yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean every American this morning woke up and re-evaluated his life, what weapon they should get.

To me, between you and me, I would walk into a jihitsu school today and re-evaluate that weapon because that's going to be the most important weapon. You know what? If it's not jiu-jitsu, if you don't want to lay on the floor with fat dudes, walk into a karate school, walk into a fucking anything, any type of martial art that will teach you when you hear that bullet to drop to the floor, breathe, hold on to your loved one,

and maybe you'll get you out of that situation. Because I hope it doesn't keep happening. I hope it doesn't happen here at home. But as a smart American, you have to assume it could happen at any time. You have to be unprepared now, guys. They almost had an incident, right? Yeah. This kid came in front of Dan?

Some 20-year-old confused looking to suck dick with a fucking grenade. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, a lot of fucking guns. He was looking to walk into a temple and say, take my asshole. I'll give you all the weapons. That's poor fucking best. It's gay pride. Jump that Arab dick and my muffler.

Let me give some shout out to get my fucking master out of you. Ethan Buzzard always dropping knowledge. Sam Vega, Jeff Talliman, Tina Shandini's, Andrew Nandallup there in Nyack, holding it down. Kenny Schaefer, Dead Squad, M.E., John Cutler, my main man, fucking eiki, oaky, spooky, creepy weepy, her cousin. And, you know, everybody, I love you, cock suckers, hope you're doing well. I'm happy you came on today, Doug. This is great.

This is a dream country. This is fucking tremendous. See, yeah, like, if I die tomorrow, I'm happy. Yeah, no, no, no, no. I wanted you. You know, man, just, you impressed the fuck out of me. You impressed the fuck out of me because we were talking earlier about, you know, bad martial arts schools and good martial arts schools and what you should be getting from them. And again, I'm going on the spectrum here.

I'm going on the spectrum between whether you want to join karate, savat, movie tie. Sometimes you're going there to get in shape, which is what I like going. But I also start going over there to overcome my fears. I had so much fear of Jiu-Jitsu being on the bottom and not knowing how to get out of the mount and what am I going to do. And now I know at least to breathe and I throw my arm over and spin and the guy, I throw them off balance and I'm working with a deep half. You know, I have a path now, you know, and I think once you have a path, it gives you more confidence, but it gives you more confidence outside that. Like I'd say a thousand times a day. I'm a little older, and by the time five o'clock comes, I'm shot.

My mind, you know, is out there. I got a wife, the kid, the whole fucking podcast, who's what weekend, where am I going? I got a plane ticket. I can't do jiu-jit-to at night. But what I really like about going in the daytime is that when I walk out of that, my day has changed. My outlook is chains. Whatever I thought was going to be a struggle is no longer a struggle because the toughest thing I'm going to do that.

I just did. Ten hip escapes is fucking murder. You know what I'm saying? Would I rather get on stage and crack jokes for five minutes or do ten hip escapes? I'd do comedy for ten hours instead of doing ten hippescapes. But the ten hippescapes are a lot better for me and instead of make my comedy a lot stronger.

So I appreciate you guys, man. From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate you guys. You're driving down here and teaching. me on a Sunday where you could have been with your family. I know you're a Christian man, and I respect that with all my heart. That's why I put you on the show, and mostly because of your belief of what you're doing,

how anybody could teach you Jitsu for $100 a month. You know, you're doing the periscopes, you're doing the video, it shows us you got something, you got balls. You're a Jehovah Witness without knocking the doors, you know what I'm saying? Even though you're an ex-Joh-I- know, I know. I know they'll come back and get you

like the Scientologist down. They'll send people to your house three times a day. even knock on the back door. No, well, it's, I think, you know, you stay in the game of, you're, you know, it becomes an art. And, you know, it's like now I'd like to see people succeed. And I like to, you know, it's nice people, I should say. It's nice when you see a little guy that, you know, conquers a mountain. And then, you know, when it happens, that's, that's more rewarding than anything, you know, as far as money goes.

You know, so that's what I want to do. How can people get older you, Tarzan, before you choke the death? Well, first of all, I was laughing and it went down the wrong pipe, so it's your fault. Jesus Christ, so mighty. Unbelievable. Okay, hang on one second. Lee, how you doing over there, all right? You're seeing devils and shit.

I'm doing good. Yeah, you know, I'm doing good. Thank you for doing that. So, as far as me, not catching all the noise I was making. So. Lee's a good dog. He's a good technical engineer. Lee is a savage guy.

Yeah, he's a sharp as a tag. He's shaved. He's really a fucking rock. She's leaving for how long she's leaving? She'll be gone for two weeks in like August. Oh, you'll be lost. I have to smack you around one of those nights. You'll be crying, worrying.

She's talking to some French tourists and shit, talking wee, we, we and shit. You'll be all worried, scratching. You'll get a rash over your eyeball again. Like you got the jacuzzi that time. You just got one. How did you get yours? What rash? The fucking, the stye.

Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I think I fucking didn't mind. my ass and maybe I wipe my ass and clean my eyeball or something. I don't know, Lee. That's how that's bad to happen. That's how you have shit on your fingers. So you go to the doctor or something like that?

What doctor? You put salt on your eye and you put a fucking steak. You go to bed. The next morning you wake up, you're back to being Clark Gable. Fucker, you kidding. You know what I'm saying? Where can these people find you? Is there a web page?

Well, that. Hit me. Okay. Hit me, Tarzan. Give me the paperwork over there, Tarzan. Thank you, sir. Do you need the death of Zara? The, what?

no I got that the the information that they can see a lot of stuff on is the true jitsu revolution so true jitsu spell without an e

so it's TRU JITSU so the true jitsu revolution you know like you mentioned periscope you know if they look up at Matt Baker BJJ that's a handle at true jitsu is a periscope

but I do a lot of question and answers and stuff like that I just you know when questions come in, I make a point to answer. Put together a national time, get back to me, and I'll blow it up on here. So you have a national time every night. For 15 minutes, Matt Baker comes on like Red Orr, hit them, teach him, show him Red All Back.

This is why I love you. I'm going to show you why I really love you before you fucking leave. Red or Back, red on Round Ball. Way before, you were a young man too, Matt Baker. Way before you were an itching your daddy's pants, okay? There was a team called the Boston Celtics. And they won a bunch of championships. And the guy who won the championships to coach, his name was Red Albeck.

Do you know anything about this? No, man, yeah. And he was a white dude who smoked the cigar and America fell in love him. He was great. But he was very fundamentally sound. And when the NBA or the ABA, I don't know, don't fucking correct, I don't know if they merged, don't went under, whatever the fuck happened. The NBA, you know, had all these fucking sensational players. so they went after, you know, Sundays,

the same way football goes after Sunday hit it. Which one? Red on round board. Dang, that's a big TV. Right on right there, that one. Okay, so this guy would come on, look at this shit, on Sundays, and he would do this at halftime. Okay, this is what you're doing on YouTube,

put the volume on. He would do it halftime. This guy here is where from my boy, Theo Vaughn is from. That's cool. This is pistol. Look at it. That's you, Matt Baker. Pistol Pete Maravitch, in my opinion, the greatest playmaker playing today. A great passer, great shooter. A lot of people don't know this.

He is wonderful in all these dexterity drills. Look at this. Look at this. This is you 20 years ago. I'm logging you right now. What we call homework basketball and takes in reaction. Look at the Ovarin, listen. to improve your quickness, your coordination, your confidence, and your overall ability to handle a basketball.

Well, actually, don't you get the feeling that when you're doing these things, the ball becomes sort of an extension of your hand? Exactly. That's exactly how I tell. Exactly. Learning new types of drills to dribble with one ball with two balls and so forth. That I never really had to look at the basketball when I dribbled it, which improved my game from... Because it's following five.

and beat him. And if he didn't win, he put him in the fucking shed pistol, Pete Madden. He drank himself to death, that poor bastard. That was my fucking hero, that white dog. Look at what this guy would do in a fucking cold, cocksucker. How about showing us, Pete? Watch what Pete were doing a cold by himself. Just to improve my quickness is what I call a ricochet drill. You stand with your feet apart and just throw the ball down, back and forth like this.

This is really just for coordination purposes. And then, where'd you get it? And then when did you get into what I call the bullet rickshay, where you put it through the ball. You know what you do that three times. God, that'd be cool. Yeah. So you understand what this meant to me when I was a kid? Now I would get the basketball immediately.

Bam, bam, my mom would come a host. Antonio Galapolota. Don't break the dishes. You know what I'm saying? Because I would go crazy. This was my life when I was a kid. He played it. This was for 15 fucking hours for four minutes.

Look at this. This is brilliant. They don't do this no more. This is what the UMC should be doing. And you're doing it for free. Hit italy. In the summertime, but the object is to put the bar. I did all this shit.

The object of this drill is to clap your hands in front and catch the ball before it hits the ground. It requires a lot of mental concentration. And I don't even know if I'll be able to get it, but I'll try. What? This dude is... What, Lee? Well, he tried pretty good, didn't he? How about a couple more, Pete?

Well, I can take two balls and show us... short drill, which is just a short figure eight drill, using two basketballs. What we call in rhythm and out rhythm and then going around. I did this shit for hours in my back yard, like a moron. That's ADD right there. You see a kid doing that, you shoot him. But that was me. That ball is a couple inches from the ground.

Don't you feel real superior to the next guy knowing that you could start a He's giving away, like, genius knowledge. genius yeah just this i have people as an individual is putting the ball out in front of thanks for bringing this up that's kind of inspiring i'm giving up jitza i'm going to play basketball now it's the same concept giving something out there you know what you do for me right there on sunday every kid was in the house in my name every basketball player was home right now and as soon as this ended you got that ball and ran to the court to do what they were doing That's what you do with people today.

Same difference. Well, this stuck with me for life. I've never forget this, Red on Round Ball. Every time I got an MMA guy in here, a jiu-jitsu professor, a master, a karate man, I say this is the fuck. Nobody's doing this, no longer. What is?

So what you've just seen has a definite purpose. When you work at it, keep telling yourself how can this help my game so you can work on it hard knowing Pedro has more ideas This is what I'm talking about

Old school Motherfuckers right That's what I want to do And that's, you know Well, hey I got to say this Thank you very much for letting me be on your show Please, right?

You know, I'm a fucking fan And Lee I wish we started rolling back in December Like we had a little thing I almost yeah I almost made bump into him So, but he had his match And he might make it happen here I want to

Let me tell the sponsors and we'll get you out of here You got a long ride You're teaching a class tonight You're the man of them A thousand fucking things You're a family man You gotta go feed the kids Look at you

You're flying everywhere man You're just doing too many awesome things No I'm just trying to put the pieces together First of all the show's also Always sponsored by on it I love these motherfuckers You know when I get off a plane and after a two-hour fucking sleep,

I pop one of those alpha brains, at least it holds me over to the afternoon and focus to me to staple everything and put all the bills in one stack. I put my clothes in the laundry. You know, it gives me that energy, man. And the shroom tech, I'm not sick. You know, I fly twice a fucking week.

I'm in a plane with a thousand fucking people, Japanese people with mask on. You know, I'm going to start wearing a fucking mask on a plane, these cuck, fuckers. Anyway, on it.com right now. Go look at the great sleep. collection of supplements they got. They're going to give you 10% off your first order.

And you know what? They deliver it right to your house. Stop fucking around with your life. I'm telling you right now, the hemp force milkshakes, the protein shakes, the, the shroom tech immune, not to mention the fucking alpha brain, which they give you 100% money back guaranteed. No questions that. Stop fucking lying to yourself and get yourself on track, cock suckers. All right?

Number two, they set me a package and I'll tell you what. That's Usara. I love what they sent me. They have a great selection of hemp products, strong. I mean, Dr. Sarah means what, Lee? Do you remember loyal people working? It don't matter what it means. Let me tell you something.

This is a great brand. That bag they sent me. They sent me a water bottle that fits right in there. I put my nasal spray and my things in the other, the sweat towels I got. In one pocket, I put the protein powder in a bag in. I put it in there. And then the other thing, I put the regular container of water just so I could put the protein powder in there. So after I get off the mat.

In the bag, they gave me a little bag that I could put my dirty rash guard and my sweaty fucking underwear in. So I have to drive home. And at least I have to take a shower, showing my little Cuban uncircumcised dick and my fungi toe to all the guys at the gym. Okay? The bag is fucking, listen, guys, go to, what's the web page? DSgear.com. Dsgear.com. That's D-Captal S-capital.

Gear.com. Go look at the Great Saleh. They got a fanny pack. I got everything in there. I flew this week like a fucking doctor, and I fucked up. I told him I was going to take a picture and email it to them. And I forgot that. I feel creepy going on to people.

I'm going to take a picture of me at the airport with a nappy sack on a... What do you call them? The front pack that I gave you. What do you call them? The fanny packs. The fanny pack that Rogan talked about on the podcast when we were on there. But Datsu Suu Sauer is a great brand. The ghee is fucking tremendous.

And it means to leave the salary work. You hear what I'm saying? This is the way Chris thinks. To leave the salary, what is it? I got no glasses. It's a Japanese word that translates literally to the, to leave the salary worker life. Okay, that's what I'm talking about. Listen, go to DSGgear.com right now.

Look at the great selection. From the ghee they have to the bag, I'm telling you right now, the bag, they have a hooded sweatshirt that is tremendous. It feels like soft and it feels great. You know, it's just got hot now. I can't be walking around with a black, Hooded Swirt next thing you know I'm getting shot in the fucking neck you know I'm saying so anyway go to dsgear.com right now whether it's a bag you want a fanny pack listen I don't give a fuck what they say I got weed in my fanny pack I got rolling papers in my fanny pack I got fucking uh a vapor pen in my fanny pack and you know what it went through security don't tell him I told you because then the fucking you put the feds on to me cocksucker anyway go to dsgear dot com anything they have on there type in church Joey Joey Joey Joey, J-O-E-Y and get 5% off, okay?

D-Sgear.com right now, pressing Joey and get 5% off. I'm taking care, you know, ship it to you, the whole fucking deal. Tell them my sense, you, all right? And number three, I want to welcome to the show. One of the fucking best. I'm hearing nothing but great things lead. What do you think when you use them?

Tell me the fucking truth. It's great. It's great for two things. If you know where you want to go, you can just type in and like, okay, I want to go see the Dodgers or whatever. But I liked it because, I was new in town, and when you put in your city, you can just scroll through and you're like, oh, these people are here, or these people are here. And it's really cool.

And I also like it because it shows you, like, in what row your seat. Like, you can actually see where you're sitting in some places. And, like, you can see by color where the more expensive or less than the seats are. I went and saw the Dodgers a couple times, and I went and saw a play. I want to saw, um, what, uh, what was the, uh, the book of Mormon? Look at you. Yeah, no, it's great. You're a little fucking honest.

See what I'm saying? Seek geek. Have you ever been frustrated trying to buy tickets online, guys? Yeah. Most sites make it complicated. Then they try to sneak in the huge fees of checkout. That's why you need to try Seek. C-A-T-G-E-E-K.

They've made it easier than ever to buy and sell sport and concert tickets. Okay, Lee told you how great they were. Seek geek is stay. taking over the work and has a lot of shopping for tickets. Seekkeeks push all the tickets available on other sites into one place so you save time and never miss a deal. Even better, every ticket on Seekkeek is given a grade based on value. So you can immediately find unpriced seats. And before you buy, you can use Seekkeek's detail maps like Lee said to see the view from your seat.

Best of all, Seek is always honest and up front about the price. All right. Unlike Stubbhub, Seekkeggeek shows you the full ticket price from start to finish. No surprises, no by the ways with a huge fees at checkout. All right. Now listen to what I'm doing for you. I'm going to give you my listeners get a $20 rebate off their first Seek geek purchase. $20 off the first Seek geek purchase. Here we go.

To get your $20 rebate on ticket, download the free Seekek app, go to the settings tab, and click add promo code. Again, go to the settings tab and click add promo code. Enter promo code church, C-H-U-R-C-H. Seekek will send you $20 after you've made your first ticket purchase. Download the free Seek app and enter promo code church today, not tomorrow. There's a lot of great things happening this summer. There's great concerts coming to your town. You always want to see a good baseball game in your family.

Right now, go to Seek Geek. What happened? Download the Seat Geek app and enter promo code church. Right. Download the free Seek app and go to Settings tab in and click at promo code and enter the promo code church. It's that easy. So just for an example, I mean, we're in Los Angeles. So the first thing I open up, Los Angeles Angeles, Angels tickets from $3. Los Angeles Sparks tickets from $6.

Let's see, who is here? The daughter's tickets from $2. Bob Dylan's here. uh DMX is here if you want to see DMX so yeah it just shows you you can follow different people

Taleb Quilly is here but that's 19 plus so but yeah that's I mean it's pretty cool go to download the Seeky Gap right now enter promo code at the promo code church C-H-U-R-C-H again I like to thank

Dotsa Saurig and I like to thank honor.com for sponsor I'd like to thank Matt Baker at Matt Baker B.J.J. up there in Bakersfield. If you're in the area, drop in, he'll fucking talk to your teacher and move on the arm. All right.

That's how we roll here. Thank you for having tremendously. Thank you for doing what you do, my brother. You're a true martial art master under John Jug, the Lord that saves us. You're a savage. Lee, take it, cock sucker. Hit it with some, we're going to play some nice Christian music for me right now. I found,

I discovered this band in 1987 when I done a little stint in prison. I used to hang out with these Christian brothers. And they would play this while we would pray. Hit it Lee. Oh, my. You used to listen to this at Ramrods? No.

I got this in Boulder, Colorado. I got a cat from laughing. I had just gotten married, and I brought this fucking cassette home, and I played it from my then wife. It just looked at me with a look of fucking disdain. And then I brought it to my job, and those white people went fucking nuts. Dick a bar.

You ever see an Asian chick, like a Filipino chick, and you look at them and think of this song, all beat up on the fucking shit. Fucked up feet. Oh shit. That's just awful. That's just beat up Filipino when he knew I got that ass. I don't know. It doesn't be boring my game. Oh, shit.

Fucking done. You heard of the song The Mother Lodin? No. This is true. This still gets me. This still gets me every time, Lisa. I still giggle and fucking... I think it gets better every time I...

I love it. Bam, bam. Bam, bam. I love it. The country bar. Were they big fans? Yes, they were. And everyone would sing every line

until it got to that one sentence. And then all the girls were like, not say it. It was like, that was just too far. your parents that were going out. Never to the movies just straight to my house. You said it yourself. You like it like I do. Put your lips on my pipe.

I'm a dog in heat. Oh shit. A frequent without wanting. So, dun, that's, that. Matt Baker. Me so horny. Then, me so on.

Oh, shit. Thank you. That was funny. Oh, this is... This show was brought to you by Seat Geek. Seat Geek makes it easier than ever to buy and sell sports and concert tickets. Seat Geek is offering listeners to our show $20 off of their first Seat Geek purchase. When you download the free Seat Geek app, you go to Settings and click add a promo code, enter promo code church,

and Seat Geek will send you $20 after you've made your first ticket purchase. Download the free Seat Geek app now, and you go to... and enter promo code church. This show was also brought to you by Datsusara. Go to Dsgear.com right now and check out their extremely high quality and functional gear made entirely with hemp textiles.

They have bags, geese, rashcards, and more. When you go to DSgear.com, use cobert Joey to get 5% off of your order. That's DSgear.com and use code for Joey to get 5% off of your order. Show is also brought to you by Onet.com. Go to Onet.com and use code Church to save 10% on all their great optimization products like Newmood,

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