The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #403 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt with Eureka Vapor

Episode Date: August 9, 2016

Joey and Lee talk about Joey getting his blue belt, relationships, and prison."The Man" from Eureka Vapor also joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt, live in studio! Thank you for 400 episodes! This podcast is brought to you by:   Club W. Go to www.clubw.com/joey to get $20 off of your first order of wine curated just for you and Club W will pay for the shipping on orders of four bottles or more.   SeatGeek: Download the FREE SeatGeek app and use promo code CHURCH to get $20 back after your first SeatGeek purchase.   Recorded live on 08/08/2016.  

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That's clubbw.com slash joey. Show is also brought to you by Anand.com. Go to Annet.com and use co-word church to save 10% on all their amazing optimization products like Alphabrain, Newmoo, TrumTech Community, and Trumtech Sport. Kick it, Lee. Monday. August 8th. Oh shit. It's the church.

Oh shit. Tremendous. We're here We're ready to go We're tuned up Lee Syatt's here Eureka vapor's coming And that's all that fucking matters

It's a church And what's happened now, bitches What's up dog? I'm doing great Looking good You had a nice weekend You had your blue apron Yeah man I go to twice

Yeah nice You miss Paula Yeah I'm Where is she now? Right now she's in Paris, which is terrifying. And when does she come home? Sunday. All right, so you got five more days to sweat out, bang a couple of that.

Oh, yeah, don't worry about that. I had a great time at the Cherokee Casino. Oh, yeah. I want to thank all the people that came out. Some savage gave me a bong. Another dude gave me a fucking cigar, which I thought was a cigar. I got up to my fucking room. I looked at it, it's a cigar.

I'm happy. I'm going to bring it back, give it to the fucking spirits on Monday. Sunday I get home I open up the fucking cigar and there's a note in there and they carved out a joint into the fucking thing and there was two hits of acid in the fucking lid. You understand me? This is why I love the fucking these last fucking, you know, these towns, Buffalo, Oklahoma, all these towns, these are the last fucking frontiers of civilization. The rest of you motherfucking up and you're missing the beauty of what these motherfuckers got to offer. I didn't bring the cigar down with me. He wrote his hotel room on there, and I'll tell you what, man, we had to be up at five

because the car was picking us up at 5.45. So if you're listening, my deepest apologies, you told me the room number 407, but, and then I saw it again on a note, and I was like, fuck, I went back to the room. Sometimes I get insomnia and I walk around. I go get chips or fucking soda. Listen, I went up to my room. I fucking only, I was packed around. I didn't even turn the TV on.

When I leave for the show, I'm already fucking packed. and the clothes of the morning already out. So when I get up in the morning, all I got to do is take a shower, wash my little monkey and bang, put my clothes on, I'm Bing Bang Badoop. I'm ready to fucking go.

But the Indian casino was great. Nice people. The people ran it were very nice. I didn't see a lot of Indians except the people who worked there. You were saying it was very interesting, just like talking to them and learning about their culture?

Yeah, no, it was real interesting. I started looking at the art and stuff, and I started getting emotional. You know, it's just great stuff to be around. to see from time to time. The people who came to the show were fucking great. They drove them from Tulsa, Wichita, places like that. I want to thank all of you guys.

It's a long fucking drive. We had a good time. Some lady ran out. She thought Jim Gaffinger was there. Uncle Joey was there. Slinging dick and giving out bubblegums. While I was on stage, by mistake, I said, you know, you guys are the last of the Mohicans.

I forgot I was in the Cherokee Casino. It's fucking crazy. I'm half-furted, but that's what happens when your grandmother's, and your grandfather's second cousins. You know what I'm saying? There's got to be a retard somewhere in a fucking family. I'm pap. I'm not really retarded,

but like if you see me, you're like, he's not all chinked up, but I am, I am fucked up in real life. But anyway, what else fucking happened this weekend, Lee? What else happened?

Oh, I don't want to talk about it. Okay. I know a lot of fucking people. It's amazing what people on social media react to. It really is amazing. Friday morning I got a flight at 630. at night.

I got to kill all the Friday. You know what? I worked out twice. I did kettlebells twice. I did two mobility classes. I went to the Y one day last week and just hit the bag to sweat. I was a little sore on fucking Friday, right?

I wake up, I go, you know what? My wife's going to yoga. I write. I listen to the recording. They gave me the flappers recording. I was making notes on that. By 11 o'clock, I go, you know what, man?

What the fuck am I going to do here? I don't have to leave. for you until 3.30. My wife doesn't get back till 1230. What the fuck am I going to do here? I go, you know what? I pay for the jih Tzu. Let me fucking go down there. I got my ghi on. I go down there.

I do the class. Towards the end of the class, he takes me out of the fundamentals class. I want you to spa in here today. And he makes me spa with the chick. Two fucking fights with her. She twist up my arm. Then after class, I'm standing. And he goes, we got some promotions

today. So I thought I was getting A stripe. I didn't, no, no, I didn't see any stripes on his jeans. So I didn't really say nothing. I said, that ain't going to be me. Which I didn't give a fuck. You know, I just go to Jiu-Zitza dog. And all of a sudden he goes, Joey, come on up here.

I'm giving you a blue belt. My fucking heart stopped me. My one knee went out from under me. I couldn't fucking believe it. You know, and I'm not a fucking blue belt. By no means, am I a blue belt? I just go. I just go.

And I'm a little older, and I move a little slower, but I'm fucking trying. You know what I'm saying? Well, it's different because we were, I think maybe, maybe you and I were talking about it separately, but about you go into karate and like how you, how there were belts for karate. But the belts like that, there's like a form and maybe you have to know certain things for do jit-to. Isn't it more just like where your instructor thinks you are? Yeah, where he thinks you're at. So it's kind of weird. I'm fucking terrible.

So I didn't, you know, and I'm moving a little better. I'm doing some moves a little better. I'm sweeping people. You know, I just don't lay there any. more at least i got a little love on the bottom now i get you in a deep path and shit like that but it's so weird how i got a lot of emails on facebook and on gmail and people are really surprised and it's uh quitting when you do something and you don't like it listen i went to plumbing school one day i'm like whoa whoa whoa whoa these are clean pipes i'm gonna have to be doing this with

real life shit i don't want to do this i didn't do it i quit you know when i was electrician I did it. When I realized it wasn't the pay I wanted, I fucking quit. There's nothing wrong with quitting something if you don't really like it. But you shouldn't quit something because you're bad at it. You know what you're good at. You know what you're bad at in life. Listen, if you made me fix my car right now, I'd just shoot myself.

I could change oil. I could change a flat. The whole time I'm doing it. That's more than I can do. The whole time I'm doing it, I'm scared shitless. When I change a flat or change all, the whole time I'm thinking the car's going to blow up or something like that, You know, when I went on the road, when you go on the road with a car, that's not a brand new car. You learn a lot about tricks.

Tape fucking the shit to seal, your radiator. You just learn. So I learned things from different people. You know, I learned how they fucking change the flat. You know, you can either pay $18 or you can buy $3 for a thing of all and put it in there yourself and, you know, see where the measuring stick is. You know, I mean, you learn to do all these things. But I have no aptitude for that. I have no aptitude to tick apart.

a computer and put it back together my wife could do it you give her a fucking week with anything an oven anything she'll put it back fucking together i don't have that fucking aptitude i have aptitude when it comes to talking to people and selling shit and doing machievous fucking things you know i'm saying but uh i never liked wrestling i just came it just came during football season and basketball season so it was kind of weird for me you know what i'm saying it was like a pick of all of them i never knew existed when I was a kid. I never knew wrestling existed until I moved to North Bergen. You know,

I never fucking knew. And by that time, basketball was more important. Basketball was more important, so I never knew nothing about it. So when these guys are talking about Jiu-Jitsu, I would just play it off, like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. But I started just watching it alone without the UFC, like just watching a Jiu-Satheu match.

And I was blown away, and I knew I wanted to at least tried. You know what I'm saying? And it's been rough, but it was better than the alternative. What do you think the alternative was? The alternative was what happened to me in 1979. That's my alternative when it comes to that shit. You know, I got into karate in like 1970 as a child and I wasn't great at it, you know. God knows I wasn't good at it. But after about two years, I got really good at it. I always had good flexibility and I could jump high.

So my kicks were good. My balance was good. My punches, I don't know if they were strong or not, but I could do forms. And I wasn't bad. You know, one minute, remember one minute you're at the end of the class. You know, like when you get to jih Tzu and you're the lowest white belt. But if you stick with it for a while, next thing you know, you're in the middle of the line. You're in the middle of the line, but I think at least would mess with me a little bit is, like, yeah, you might be in the middle of the line. But you know, like, already some of the other kids are better, like, not kids, but other people.

People are better than you. And that was, I feel like ego comes into it a lot because you were just talking about how like we're all good at different things. So sometimes I'm thinking, okay, I shouldn't try to be good at something I'm not good at just because like why why try to force it? But then with you did you do you said it wasn't in your wheelhouse, but you stuck you stick with it. Like how do you know when to stick with something and when to like jettison it? Well, because of the mistake I made, I made two mistakes before I was 20. I quit two things that I fucking loved for no reason, for drugs and stupidity and just, I don't know why I quit karate in 79. I still beat myself up.

Do you want me to tell you why? I just had too much shit on my plate, and karate was too fucking far away. It was like going to Higgins from here. And I had to do it by bus. So it was my whole fucking night. Right, yeah. You know, and I had the stamina. Like, I would go to school.

and go to basketball practice, and then shoot the karate. Go home eat, and then take the bus to karate and catch the fucking adult class. When would you do homework? When I get back from karate at 9.30, or I do homework during the day, during little periods or lunch. Like, I was really good at... I've always been really good at organizing time to do shit.

Well, yeah, you can organize time, but I think you're going to run into it soon. That's what it was, though. See, that's what it was. It was. It wasn't kids. It was that, at that time, I was playing basketball, you know, helping my mom at the bar, trying to have a social life in North Perkins. And at the same time, three nights a week, I'm in Union City doing fucking karate.

And I'm fucking 13 years old, 14, 15, 16. And I did this. I did this all through from the age of 11 to 16. I stuck it out with the same karate teacher in Union City. I went from one belt to maybe four belts later with him. When I got there, I was a certain belt, but he made me start over. And I stuck it out. But because I quit that, I quit high school.

I quit that. I quit high school. But the thing I loved the most was basketball. Again, another thing I saw myself as a complete fucking idiot. But I wanted it so bad that I practice morning, noon. and night. I played morning, noon, and night. I seeked out the best competition to play morning, noon, and night. And I started, and then I went to freshman year, and I didn't start. And again, ego came into fucking situation. In that situation, ego came into a situation. When I quit high school,

necessity made me quit situation, but necessity, what I needed was a good or bad. That's the question. that what made me quit karate, to be honest, yeah, I wanted a party. Those kids didn't fucking party. How old were you, though? When I quit karate, 15. Jesus. That's what, that's, I hadn't even thought about partying at 15. Like, that's, that's the thing that I think is so.

For two years, I partied a long, but very secretly. A couple of joints, a beer, you know, nothing. hard, nothing. And by the time, yeah, I think I did THC or something, a mescaline, and then I went to karate for a few months. And then I just knew I outgrew

the hang section of it. Like, those kids weren't interesting to me anymore. Like, I wanted to be around women. I wanted to fucking smoke pot. I wanted to walk around that night. So I wanted that shit in my life instead of what the karate people

had to offer, which is health. focus, you know, camaraderie, and no drugs. Yeah, it was too much for you as a kid. It was too much. So now I go 30 years later. I remember when I got into comedy. But when I got into comedy, it took me about a year to come in. And then I went to New York.

And I'll never forget on the drive here with that girl. I thought to myself, I've been fucking around with this for two years. I've been fucking around with comedy for two years. years selling drugs doing blow canceling spots yeah i do a weekend here and do okay you know shit like that if i do this complete move i'm doing it's because i'm going to give my life to comedy that's the only i'm going to do comedy and i fucking stuck with it lee i don't know lee if you knew me at that time when i made that decision i just said i'm doing it i'm fucking doing it every night twice a night if i have to three times if I can't.

I'm just going to keep doing it and doing it and doing it and doing it. I just made my decision. Sometime in December, you know, I was at V-MAC. We weren't steady. He went away for a week. That whole week had me all fucked up. And like I said, I went to Flappers. I saw the Alberto.

I went over there. I tried two classes. I said, I want to sign up. And before I gave the money, I said, if I do this, it's because I'm going to go every Monday and Wednesday. That's it. There's no other, that's on the schedule. When I make my schedule for the week, Monday and Wednesday is always 12 o'clock, BJJ. If you got something, an envelope or a significant meeting, I will cancel that and try to make it on Tuesday. I don't have acupuncture no more on Tuesday. You know, she went back to Marina Del Rey. If you think I'm going to fucking Marina Del Rey on the Tuesday, you'd be able to hit you have the rock 10 times. So I could go on Tuesday now. Like I didn't go today because I didn't go today because I was. I had those two meetings, but I knew I had Tuesday or Wednesday. And Wednesday, I'll go to the drill class tomorrow.

I do kettlebells. Did any, like, a lot of the reaction I saw, like, the vast majority of it was positive. And not even the negative reaction, but like, sometimes, like, some people were like, wow, that's, I'm surprised. Like, did any of that motivate you? Like, why are they surprised that I could do this? No, I wasn't surprised. No, I didn't take anything negatively. I know what I'm doing is good.

And I'll tell you why. Because let's pretend I go to class twice a week. Okay. You do 40 fucking push-ups every time you're in class. That means I'm doing 80 more push-ups than if I didn't go there. That means I'm doing 80 more jumping jacks. That means I'm doing 80 more sit-ups. That means I'm doing 80 fucking triangles.

That means I'm doing 80 fucking hip escapes. That means I'm doing 80 of those fucking things where you stretch your arm out to reach. You know, that means I'm doing so many fucking things I wasn't doing. So even without the jiu-jitsu? Even without the jiu-jitsu, I'm getting that from the program. 20 push-ups, 80 push-ups, 80 fucking squats, you know, and then you drill. Even if I was a fucking pansy, even if I said, well, I don't want to fucking spar because I'm an actor. I think when I went to that, they also looked at the actor aspect of it.

You know, there's a lot of actors that are in these classes up here. So they walk in there late. They fucking get on the phone. halfway through the thing everything's they're important i never act that way at all i don't go to class unless i'm there 15 minutes before class i do the warm-ups i finish class i never have to leave if i have a meeting at 1245 i just won't go to class and insult the class you know but that's one my karate days that's how it was you don't show up fucking late don't show up dog don't even show up we don't give a fuck about your excuse like that's all those little things

make you a better person in real life. I know it probably varies, but is there like a core group of people who go to the same noon classes Monday when? Yes, yes. And this core group that go Tuesday and Thursday because they have jobs or... Oh, yeah, absolutely.

But like, how... Like when you were saying you don't want to disrespect the class by like showing a player being on the phone, there's something when there's a group like that for at least in my experience, like as soon as a phone gets taken out, Like, everyone starts looking like it's, it's very noticeable.

Like, so people think, oh, it's just the phone. Like, who's going to care? No. When you're working out hard, it's like when someone, I don't know if it's disrespectful, it probably is, but it's just, it's very noticeable. Well, it sticks out. You know, I've been to gyms in Beverly Hill, dog, where, you know, everybody walks in there on the fucking phone loud.

They don't give a fuck if you're doing a jumping jack. They don't give a fuck what you're doing. You know, they put their fucking guy on. they don't warm up. They go in there, they do two moves, and I saw it. And then they get up, and I got a meeting at 1 o'clock. So that's it. You're more important than us, or because they're that, they miss the warm-up.

And you just struggle through the warm-up. Well, I live to struggle for the warm-up. My warm-up is my hyperventilation, so I live to fucking struggle through it. By the time I'm getting up, I'm sweaty, fats, burning. I could smell the fucking bacon around my ass burning, you know. I could smell it. You could, you know, you could just, you start sweating, man. I love that whole aspect of it.

This is a martial art is not about karate and killing people. It's kind of like the respect you have for people, but more important, the respect you have for yourself, that makes you have respect for people. You come in, you're a new guy. I'm not going to try to punch in the face. I'm going to tell you what to put your hand and do all those things. And even if I don't get the workout, I want to,

my workout was teaching you today. you know the first day of class making you go home feeling good about yourself or because someone did that for you on your first day sure a lot of people did it for me a lot of fucking people did it for me you know so all these little things are what that's about it's a way of giving a little piece of yourself getting a guy on top you're going do this grab that shoulder do this choke and you take a little choke but you're teaching him you you let him fucking smell it you know what I'm saying you let him smell it so uh I'm really proud I'm proud I got it I'm gonna keep fucking going like I said for me it was more of an

example thing for my family so when she gets older she sees I do something three times a week come snow rain you do it and your children start watching and go fuck you do that daddy a mom doesn't have to be jiu jit-to could be a karate class could be a class about fucking electronics could be anything your kids aren't gonna want to do that stuff if they don't see you doing it. Daddy, why do you go to class? You're an old man because I want to learn. Then they get enthused about learning. Wow, you still, you know, whatever. Whatever the fuck it is. You're just not sitting there watching TV like the general American fucking family. Then they get enthused. Can you take me with you? There's their classes for kids. Yeah,

they got a fucking math class at night for kids. And boom, there you go. Now you're doing something with your child. Was that done with you? Wasn't done with fucking me. And I didn't invent this. I just thought that that's why I got into Jiu-Jitsu's. I got to Jiu-Jitsu two months after she was born, three months after she was born. Wow. Yeah, yeah, May of 2013. My mom was always really big on, like, I never had summers off.

Like, from the time I can remember, I was either out of camp. And, like, honestly, if I think about it, even though I ended up hating the camp, I went to this, like, art. program once, like this art summer thing and it was all nerds, but I took all of the video production courses. And then from there, I went to high school and took all those and then went to college. So I used to hate it because all my friends

would be at home watching TV. She always had you busy. Yeah, she always had me busy. But then like it's that's a lot of pressure to put on yourself as a parent to like have to like set in it like always be setting an example.

Well, what's the pressure? The pressure is either set the fucking example or pay for it when you're 22 and you're 60 and now you're having a mini heart attack every time they fucking go out and the phone rings you're following china say to you man right yeah you know that's how you take your child and teach him little fucking things it's not by making them read a book or fucking what he's going to learn on fucking abc.com it's going to be from what he learns from you as a parent you know listen man like I said I fucked up as a parent the first time. So it's very important to me this time.

I might die the fucking morrow, but I'll know that I did 100% by these motherfuckers here. You follow me? And that's part of the big picture. Me going there at 12 o'clock every day helps my whole life. It helps my fitness. It helps my comedy. It helps my confidence.

It helps my relationship with my wife. you know, it does 92 things good, even if I don't get good at Jiu-Jitsu. Did you think, did you ever think about that? Like, that's why I'm addicted to it. Because I know that I'll never be Boucheshire, and I know I'll never be John Evans,

and I know I'll never be half these guys to hang out with it. Hey, Bravo, but it doesn't matter to me. I just enjoy going and learning something new every day. You enjoy going, but there's a very real possibility that you could become a black belt. there's no reason why not

I don't even think that way even the blue doesn't even I never thought I'd be a fucking blue belt like I'm embarrassed to go to class tomorrow with that blue belt down the way a little piece of me fuck yeah I know I worked hard you know what I'm saying

but I don't feel like a fucking blue belt but maybe this you know sometimes a mental thing gets the level going there's a very very very interesting show on HBO right now And it's called In the Night. I haven't even heard of it.

It's an old show that was shot a couple years ago with John Dutero. In fact, the executive producer James Gambafini. Right. That's about a kid who supposedly rapes and kills a girl and they catch him, an Arab kid, and he goes to jail. And it's funny, because I watched it last week. I've been watching it since the first came out. Episode 1 was slower than fucking molasses, but I knew there was something there. Is a show that slow?

There's something there. They're building, yeah. Yeah, they're just building. And episode two was really good. And episode three was really good. And episode four was fantastic. So now we're on to episode five. And episode five is basically about him transforming in the jail system now.

Now he's no longer in jail. Now he's becoming a part of the jail. But it's funny because all last week, I did a podcast with somebody about two weeks ago. and they were asking me if I ever had any problems when I went to prison. And I told them, honestly, looking back, I never had not one problem, but there was one.

That was one. And while I was telling the story, I got in the car later on, and I made calls to you and to my wife, but I kept thinking about that story, how this guy fucked with me from day one, but how I sucked him into a web and it took me two months to catch him in the laundry room.

maybe three months it took me to catch me in the laundry room do you know why because when i walked in there i wasn't a part of the fucking prison but as i sat in there all those months and i was surrounded with those savages i became them you know and i was telling my wife that i grabbed them you know i've never liked long hair on guys there's a thousand things i don't like on guys because if you get into a fight an earring a nose ring long hair slip They could step on my fucking toe and break it. You know, there's a lot of things that you can avoid. You know, I'm in a fist fight.

I'm a slick guy. I'm older than you. You got a nose ring. I'm ripping out your fucking nose ring. And that's the end of the fucking fight right there. You're yelling and screaming for two hours down the street. Well, I'll just pull you by it. You know, that's it.

You have to fight. Why not? So when I caught this kid, I caught him by the hair. He didn't cat, you know. The first thing they tell you when you get locked up is, Don't go into weird places unless you have somebody with you. So if I see you, I'll go leave. Walk me to the laundry room.

Let's talk. I'll give you a cigarette or whatever the fuck. And you walk me. For some reason, this guy was like, there's cliques in prisons. You know, there's blacks and Puerto Ricans. In this place, it was blacks, Mexicans. But there was two cliques for blacks. There was the graveyard blacks.

And there was graveyard was a certain character. There was a crazy black dude. Then there was the chicken chicken heart Chicken Hawk Crew and I was part of that crew I was friends in that crew from the kitchen Antoine Why was it called the chicken hawk

Because that was his name chicken hawk His name was Spencer Antoine But they called him chicken hawk He was from New Orleans And he was in there for fucking What he called that shit? Manslot So he was the leader of that crew

He was really fucking crazy His eye was crooked I loved them like an uncle. Then you had the graveyard crew. You had to be careful with them. They were hard-hitting motherfuckers from like hoods and California and shit. They were all like crips and bloods and fucking all this other shit combined. And you didn't really mess with them.

I talked to them, but I didn't mess with them. I didn't go to their reunions or nothing. No, dog. It's serious. Why don't I fucking go over that? The graveyard gang. Yeah, that was his name, Graveyard because he killed so many people. So they just called them fucking graveyard.

I didn't know they had reunions, though. Yeah, they had little parties, five or six of the black dudes would jump up and down and play dominoes and shit and drink. And then they had this white crew, which, you know, there's a white, and they weren't white supremacists, they're just white. But then there was his little motorcycle fucking little crew, and he was part of that fucking dummy crew. And the leader dummy was this dude,

I can't remember what his name was. Tramp. He was old. He was fucking my age now. Rinkled. Always stunk like fucking leather and shit. shit because you could wear your clothes or jail clothes and he would still wear his leather in there and I don't even know who he was affiliated with and there's a bunch of other stinky dudes around

them and then you have like this the white crew I was tight with because I was tight with John Clark and me and John Clark had done speed a couple times on Mondays and went to play basketball John Clark was a bad motherfucker people I'd known him in there the point of the fucking story is that it took me three months to get crazy like really fucking prepared for it. Like I got into a fist right then. I got kind of beat up. They broke it up because we knew each other in the age unit. But by that point, I was still

kind of soft. This guy was fucking with me. He's the guy who took a shit in the box and put in his draw those fucking government cheese boxes. I took a government cheese box, took a shit in it and put an American flag in it and put the box in and put it in this fucking draw

and he would ask people, smell my room. There's a smell weird in here. And finally, after like a month, he found it. And the piece of shit must have been 12 inches when I dropped and had shriveled up

like eight inches. The flag killed over. The three soldiers couldn't even hold it up no more and shit. The flag had killed over from the fumes. He was fucking furious.

And he knew it was me. And he's in there for manslaughter? No, the white dude was in there for something stupid. Dirty hair, that did with the long hair that was fucking with me. Yeah.

And he hung out with the bike is. I don't know what he was in there for. I never really fucking became friends with him. And then he would make little remarks. I know who the fuck put this cheese in my drawer. I'm going to watch your back.

He would say that shit. So I watched it. I never forget it was cold. And the steam was coming out of your breath. Right. And I watched them that morning. I don't know why. I was sitting by the library steps and I'm watching the laundry room.

And I see him go get a basket. And when I went to see him go get a basket, I shot to the age unit. Because the age unit was next to the laundromat. I popped my little fucking head out to see if he was coming to the laundry room by himself. And there he was, like a little guppy coming to a shark. He just came right to me. So I jumped in the fucking laundry room there and I just waited. And when he turned that corner, I just grabbed one side of his hair and he wrapped it.

And you should have seen this funky little eyes. And I grabbed his other fucking side of his hair and grabbed that point. By that point, he was slow. He still was holding on to the laundry basket. Poor bastard. He didn't even see what crawled up on him. And I just kept banging his head off the fucking wall. until he just went down.

I just walked out of there like letting happen. He never even said nothing. But I just kept banging his head off the wall. That's what I had become because I was surrounded by it. It's not who the fuck I was. I mean, I was a little retardant. I was a little crazy. I could be known for doing stupid shit like that.

But that's what's going on with the show right now. So this week, the motherfucker, they called him into a thing. Some guy threw gas at him or something. And they made him punch the guy. and he punched the guy and he turned around. The guy kept talking shit, he started beating the fuck out of him.

This is how brilliant this show is. They show the transformation. Then five minutes later, they show him shaving his fucking hair. Getting ball like fucking taxi driver, like Travis Bickle and TractiDy, whatever his fucking name is. So they're starting to show his transformation. I don't know how many episodes they actually have. They're up to episode five, so I really don't know.

Well, what is the... type of person like who's like the leader of a jailhouse gang or like you're like what's that person like when you meet them well they're not really a leader or something like that's not like they like the black dude antoine spencer antoine spencer was in there for uh manslaughter and he got 12 years cut to six but he was very quiet he raised he raised He was loud in the kitchen. You know, they're black dudes. So in my world, it was him and this dude from Buffalo

that had their own little black crew. What do I mean by that? They shed food at night. We would go over and watch a game or Antoine would sneak something out of the kitchen and we'd go to his fucking room. You know, Antoine's room was maybe four rooms away from mine because they put the kitchen workers all together.

Okay And I had beef with dirty hair Dirty hair didn't even work in the kitchen And they put him in those barracks It's like God put them in those fucking barracks For me to fucking pull his air And bang his that off the wall Like he was the only non-kitchen worker

That was in those barracks Jesus But so what you're saying though is like So it wasn't like the TV movies or TV No not at all Yeah no no no Or like he's giving orders And like they bring him stuff

No no no no no Not even like this show I'm watching now. I've never seen it to that extent. Maybe in the deep, deep, deep prisons you have that. I don't think it's that dramatic. But the white dude, the white dude gang, pretty much they all bowed down to John Clark. John Clark had money. John Clark had been through the system.

John Clark was a badass. John Clark got drugs in jail. John Clark had a great old lady. John Clark had what all those guys didn't. that. So they all buy Donna John Clark. You know, the black dude had a big support. If you have a lot of support in prison, people see that. And they kind of navigate towards you because they don't have that support. Do you mean support from outside? People respect that a lot. If you have a lot coming in from the outside, there's people who have nothing coming in from the outside. They have no,

you know, their parents cut them off. They don't have a girlfriend no more. They don't see their wife their wives of divorce and them they start dating their friends it's a fucking horrible there's horrible situations and it's like the nail in the coffin you know what I'm saying you got arrested you lost your job now you're in prison now are you're in prison your wife called you and says hey I'm dating your friend or you know we don't want you around no more your kids don't want you you know what I'm saying there's some really great support systems and there's no support systems and people see that. People navigate towards money.

People navigate towards that. Yeah, because I mean, how much of your life requires you to have money or something in prison? Like, if you had no money coming in and no job, what would prison be like? It'd be hell. It'd be hell with no support. You know, again, I find, you know, I have all these things in my head that I have this anger to my ex-wife. But again, even all the hatred I had towards her,

she was there for me when I was locked up. She took care of my paperwork. She took care of my banking. She took care of the fucking bills. She went by the apartment, you know. So that helps out a lot. You know, somebody to put $20 on your books. Somebody to come see you on Sunday.

That helps out a fucking lot. You know, that's why I still write Phil. You know, he's in jail. I write. I try to write them every fucking 10 days. Because as soon as I write, Phil, four days later, I got a letter back from him. He's excited in the letter. You know, because I know, any friend of mine who got locked up, I try to mail them letters.

$10 money order, whatever you could do. Because I know it makes their fucking day pictures, you know, tickets from a comedy show, whatever. Phil gets fucking happy. And that's why I do that, because I remember myself getting letters. When I went to prison, I started writing a lot more letters. I really found the power of the letter.

You know, even though I could, so what I would do is Lee, I'd call you first time and go, yeah, you heard, and you go, yeah, have you meant anything to me? I'd get your address before I hung up. And I'd start writing you letters, and it would make you write me letters. Wow. So you would write letters?

Like, how many would you write a day? You know, I would just write them. I didn't have a lot of people to write. I was writing a few people in New Jersey, apologizing to him. I would write to my girlfriend's dad. I was communicating with him a lot through letters. He liked it. I was communicating with my girlfriend through letters and on the phone.

You know, we were talking to the phone and write letters to each other. Are there people who you didn't tell? Obviously now with the podcast and stuff, most people probably know. But were you trying to maybe keep it a secret from anybody? No, because I knew at first I didn't want the people North Bergen to find that. Because I didn't want them to say, see, we told you. Right, yeah. That's the worst one.

That's the fucking worst. And, I mean, I got arrested two years after I left North Bergen. And the word spread like wildfire that I had gotten an arrest for kidnapping. That's people were toasting. Really? People were toasting. Saying, like, told you so. Yeah, you know, people were fucking toasting.

I never thought about that. Do you regret leaving North Bergen or do you think you would have got arrested there too? I would have got arrested. I would have got killed in North Bergen. All honesty. All fucking out. without even thinking about it. Now thinking about it and talking to Sabatino the other day

and talking to my friends. Yeah. I was going. It was just a matter of time. I had done too many little things and they were starting to add up. And people who mattered kept hearing my name. You know, when I go, I don't stop. It's like anything else.

I don't stop. Think if I didn't have the podcast, my wife, the baby, comedy, jujitsu, and all I did was snor coke and steel. What would I be like? I'd be this crafty only doing everything illegal. So you would hear about me every fucking day I was up to something.

Jesus. Every day. And then there's no rules. Like when it's illegal, so you could go crazy. Listen, those last 18, 20 months I spent North Bergen every time something got. Ron, I got the blame.

Let's pretend I erupts 80% of it. But I got blamed for everything. Everything. There was a time if a car got scratched, I got blamed for everything. If I was in the vicinity, I got blamed. I remember Jimmy Berkel, who brought me to Colorado. He went back to Jersey.

I was in Colorado. And I remember talking to him on the phone. He goes, you're not going to. I guess I can't believe you called. We were just talking about you. I go, what happened? He goes, my mother's house got robbed in North Perrigan. And somebody brought it up.

And he goes, it can't be him. He's in Colorado. I talked to him every week. But that made me think about it. Like, that was fucking five years later. That was like 1995. I was already out of jail and shit. Ten years and, you know, he told him.

He goes, it's funny. You called my mother's house got robbed over the weekend up in North Perrigan. And I thought it was you. Jesus. Not the mother. Somebody brought up. Right. It could have been Coco.

And he goes, no, Coco's in fucking Colorado. He wouldn't do this. I think if you wouldn't rob my mother. It's really, like, whenever I think about jail or prison, it's like my worst night. And listen to you, talk and then just looking at you and just where you are now, it's, when I hear jail or prison, I just think life is over. No matter if it's for a day or 200 years, it's just that's how it makes me. think but it like it looks like it's possible to like have like a life after prison which if you would have asked me before I met you oh it would have said there's not like what

would you mean life after prison like I would have assumed it was over what is it what's that word called recidivism yeah you have to look up the national recidivism rate to see how many felonies till a person sees his value in life you know And it's a lot. It takes a lot. It takes a lot for some people. You know, it took that situation in Colorado and then another situation in Seattle, which could have got really ugly and it didn't to scare the bejesus out of me.

Jesus. Oh, my God. I also thought what you think also, like most Americans, like most people, listen to this podcast. Yeah. That if you go to prison, you're done for eight years. four years, five years. You know, I watch a lot of law and order. Whenever you come over, I watch a lot of law and order.

And I think about those sentences, whenever they give somebody 15 years, even though it's just television. I still, when the episode ends, I still think there for five minutes and go, 16 years, 16 fucking years. You know, you know what that's like? That's 2000 to now.

What were you doing in 2000? I was in sixth grade. Can you imagine? Nope. 16 fucking years are you telling you, When they told me nine years, I almost shit my fucking pants. I thought I never saw this. I never saw this.

When I went to prison, I thought I'd have a life. But I didn't see anything positive. Like, I thought the rest of my life was going to be hard when I came out of prison. Like you'd be like that's a subway worker? Like my biggest fear, no, I wouldn't. Yeah, like a subway worker, like somebody struggling. you know, somebody addicted to drugs, which I was, somebody that was always struggling. You know, I would live in an apartment with three guys and, you know, I wasn't like a concert head or one of those guys that wanted to be cool, but I never really thought I'd have it together.

Let's be fucking honest. That's why comedy in the beginning was so easy. It was no responsibility. It was a car and you. It was a fucking pretty decent car and you. you didn't need a house you got a P-O box and you got a pager and that's it

that's comedy it's that fucking simple to disappear it's that simple you look so you could have been on the road forever like it was that maybe a thing maybe I'll be a road comic

forever just doing I didn't want that triple gigs trouble ones I did not want that I did not want that I did not want that I did not want to be 55 and to say, you know, L.A.'s for fucking cock suckers.

I didn't live there because whatever. I'd rather do this shit and just party and drink every week on the road and tell stories about partying with Kennison or Led Zeppelin. I didn't want to do that either. No, that's... I want to be that guy on the road either. That's not a fucking life. Everyone thinks it's a loser.

Do you want to hear... I have the recidivative of some rates. I can't say that way. It's a lot. And this one's from 05, what's the most reason I can find? Within three years, about two-thirds get re-arrested. So in three years, two-thirds, and then within five years, about 75% are backing. So within five years, 75% of people.

All right, so I got let out in 91 out of the system, and I got arrested. I got in 95. But knock on wood, I never got arrested again. Knock on wood. Knock on wood. Those arrests in Seattle were just the tail end of the kiss of death. It was the tail end of life showing me how easy this is. If you recognize it and move on, you're smarter than this shit.

And that's exactly what happened. Well, I mean, that's true. But how lucky what we were just giggling about. But how lucky are you that a guard didn't see you hit along whatever the dirty heroes guy name was? Like you could have gotten 10 years added to your sentence or something. No, but I knew what all the guards were. Oh, right, we're right. And there was no cameras in those days like they're on today.

But something, another prisoner that happens, a lot is getting time added once you're in prison. Yes, yes, yes. I was very fortunate. And then... Well, let me tell you something. Let's get something straight. Okay. From fucking 90 to 95

I did not live on a fucking thin line By no means Okay, I lived I wasn't the old Coco But I wasn't reformed either I still had the fucking seven year scratch I was still not And that's why nothing was going right

Because I was still borrowing from Peter The pay Paul You know, we talked to about this on this podcast constantly. When you borrow from Peter to pay, Paul, you could do it for three or four years. Eventually, the walls crash on you. You could play that drug game for years.

I would play it and give myself a time frame when I had to be out of town. I knew it. I knew when it was coming to an end. You know, I had done it so many fucking times. What happened was from 90 to 95 was I kept pushing the envelope, but I pushed a low envelope.

I pushed a misdemeanor. envelope or whenever I would go rob at those places I keep it on the 400 you know I'm saying like I whenever I would return stuff I keep it on the 400 that's Mr. meaners all day long you understand what I'm gonna say to you so I did little things you knew the limit yeah I know somebody came to me and said we want to buy an ounce of coke I don't know what you're talking about at least I at came up to me who I know and I see snort every fucking day come up to me and says on you an eight ball I would try to make a small 50 on you I was

always on the move. And if that didn't work, I go to a pen store and rob a bunch of cross pens and sell them to car sales. I always knew how to flip a fucking dollar. Worst case scenario, you get your fucking wedding band and pawn it and get a hundred bucks and get an ounce of weed and start selling it or whatever. This is my mentality. This is my mentality. This is why you never get ahead of yourself.

You never get ahead when you have that mentality. Once I gave my heart the comedy and I said, you know what? I can't have that in my life anymore. This is the route I'm going to leave, but it still followed me. You know, Dice comes on and Dice reminds me of my first 18 months in L.A. They were also very not too happy. They were not nice fucking days for me. You know, I still had the strip of girlfriend.

I had a beef, I had three or four beefs at the comedy store. You know, he told the stories. I had a beef with these bookies, these fake fucking New York City bookies. I had to get a gun and go get money from them with Josh Wolfe. I got a thousand stories that happened in those 18 months. Once 99 came and Carol left, that was it. She took the kiss of death. from me.

She was the kiss of death. It was five years of death, and they were all her. Some people are just like that. Two people just don't get along. They create a weird energy. You know? That's it.

Joe Rogan says, and one day I got funny? Right, yeah. Carol left. That was it. I didn't have to, that my energy from her had shifted. Just her,

just the fact that she was gone, it was immediately, you changed. Gone. Fuck. Gone. Everything changed. 22 pounds were lifted off my fucking.

That's why sometimes you don't know what's really bothering. It could be a simple relationship. You know, you don't know. I knew it had to end. But I was addicted to it. I was like, we had great sex. We had good times when we were together. It was just a three-day effect.

We just hated each other on the fucking third day. You know what I'm saying? And, yeah. But it's amazing that... Give me five. It's amazing that just being in a bad relationship can affect you that much. That much. That much.

My anger rates, I had a lot. I was going through on personal level with addiction. I had a lot of was going through on a personal level with my first daughter. In that marriage, I was fucking broke. I was striving to do comedy. I couldn't get ahead. Then I had this fucking broad, you know, tormenting my life. and the sad thing was I led her

by staying with her at that age absolutely absolutely but you look at these things later on and you reflect on them and you help people you talk to people I was in a situation like that one time pack your bags well I love it

listen back your fucking bags you know sometimes you don't see it sometimes we don't see this human beings what's going on and it happened to me twice happened to me twice happened to me when I got married I've said this to you a thousand times having me when I got for a while I got married as soon as I got married everything changed

I went into this fucking depression I was a yearning for some but it wasn't drugs I thought it was religion I made my confirmation I did this I did that I didn't know what the fuck was going on we broke up it was like a fucking door opened so does that happen now but obviously not with your wife maybe

But maybe like other things in your life. So like I was interested if like something starts going long in your life, if you start looking at different aspects of your life to see where the problem could be. Always. Always. Always. As you get older, you start looking at how does this affect me? Right. You know, I was thinking about how November 7th or whatever the fucking day is, I'm going to nine years without doing blow.

And this is what I can tell you. You've heard all my stories, right? Right. In those 27 years of all those disgusting drug stories, either as much has happened in these last nine are being sober without those type of drugs and that type of environment. And they've all been a positive thing. A lot of funny shit.

We've seen a lot of funny shit when I farted outside by the lady, and she walked into the fart. I was thinking about that today. Yeah, we've done a lot of funny shit. I'm not saying that we're completely innocent. Right. You know, we've led on the Jehovah Witnesses. I've seen Jehovah's today and waved out of them and threw a kiss out.

And they started walking. I ran upstairs. There's no apartment that were knocking downstairs. I'm still an evil fuck. I never said that. But it's that other side. It's that thwart I was involved in this circle of fucking never-ending bullshit. Whenever I'm involved in something, it's not organic.

That's when it backfires on me. that I'm organically doing it for all the right reasons. And just, you're not just doing it to do it or if it doesn't. When I fell in love with Terry, even though I wasn't doing the right things, on the outside of the relationship, I was doing the right things with her. I was talking to her the right way.

I was trying to do the best I can at that time. And this is why I have this today, because I really, really found love her and I really, really liked her. From the beginning, there was no, by the way. with Kathy there was a by the way and with and to be honest you there was a bold by the ways and that's not the by the way they're going to a relationship with you know no but it's

how do you tell someone to get out of one like that's that must be in a tough conversation I have to tell who anyone anyone I can't tell somebody that's on my fucking business they have to see it Lee and and sometimes it takes four years Sometimes it takes 10 years, sometimes it takes 90 days. Each of us are completely fucking different in what we'll tolerate. Right. No, we're different than what we're tolerate. But if, I mean, if I was in a bad relationship, I'd want to know.

How could I tell? Unless you come over to my house crying with a black eye every fucking night, I can't fucking tell. Right. That's true. You know, so that's the thing. I can't really see into, nobody can see into what was going on. with me until I got

fucking arrested. You know, with her. And then I went back with it. And every time I be with her a month later, I get fucking arrested. I've been with thousands of women and never got fucking arrested. And you can just her being there, just makes you get arrested.

There was just a bad energy, man. Yeah. Sometimes two people just don't, they think they're making something happen, but they're really not. It's like you're taking two steps four, one step back. Right. Were you two very similar as people?

Yeah. I had a girlfriend. And there was drugs involved. Both of us did drugs. Listen, I've never, a relationship has never worked with me when we've both done drugs. You know, I'm a smoker and she's a drinker or vice versa. Every relationship I've had that there was cocaine involved, they're not around no more. You see them around?

No. I don't see anyone around. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. So you have to be with the right person for the right reasons. How the fuck do you know? Do you think at 25 I fucking know? I was the wrong person. I was in love. I thought I was in love. I was hearing this is what you got to hear in high school.

This is what people do. They move in together. They play house and everything's going great. And I laugh at your jokes. And I love you and I love you. And there's what it's supposed to be. I am blown away. by how many people I know

who are getting married and moving in and already having kids. I'm 28. I realize that that's not too young for that. There's some people a lot of people are 28. But to me, I'm not anywhere near ready for that. Like, it scares the shit out of me.

Let me answer something. At fucking 50, do you think I was ready for this? You're never ready for nothing, Lee. You're never ready for nothing. That's what makes life life. I wish. I can look at you and go, you know what, I'm going to get married in three years. And then after two more, we're going to have children.

I'm going to have little Nicholas and little fucking Nancy, and we're going to dress them up together. Who the fuck knows? Who the fuck knows? Nobody says to you, we planned this. No, we got drunk. I banged them in the fucking car, and here we are. The mess of the part is the difference is.

The differences that I didn't do was, is this love? Or am I getting married for a child? Or am I getting married for convenience? Okay. These are the questions we never ask ourselves. You follow I'm saying to you? This is the questions we don't ask ourselves. Or just because you've been together.

You're fucking making eight bucks an hour. Right. Right? You're fighting for your fucking life. The insurance people looking for you. You meet abroad. She asks you to move in with it. You move in with the fucking girl.

She tells you not to pay rent. Why did you move in with a necessity? Do you really fucking love it? you might love it, but you're there for necessity. Now there's a problem. Now she's got a hook on you. So the first thing that goes wrong, guess what's going to happen? She's going to fucking crow you out in the street.

So when you move in with her, the first thing you better do is get yourself an apartment on the side and start working for the fucking apartment. So when she throws you out, it's when you get that apartment together. You follow them saying to you? Some people just have hooks in you and that shit. So every time you get together with somebody for a different fucking hook. For years, I did that. For years, we all get to.

together for the wrong people, for the wrong reasons. Bon Jovi said it best. I got lucky the first time. I hope the same for you. I hope the same for everybody. But then there wouldn't be life. There wouldn't be divorces. There wouldn't be divorce attorneys.

There wouldn't be people with stitches. There wouldn't be people restraining all this. What's Tony Bennett, cock sucker? The church pitches Monday, August 8th. You want to go get me? Hurry up, hurry up. I want to be around. Waiting around for confuses

A little fucking comfort. When somebody breaks your heart, some somebody twice as smart as I A somebody who Will swear to be true As you used to do Who's getting on the mic

when he is quickly, quickly. Now I stood up at the box, you brought me. I have the pens at the house, and I take the tubes from here, put them on the fucking plane with it. But these things, did I get some of those on the other? My boys from Eureka vapor, I know. Eureka Vapor are here. The ones I use that

have really fucking hit me are those long tubes you gave me. These are good. What's this here? This is about 90%. 90%. What's this thing? I can't see it. You just suck on it. Tremendous.

The studios of my boys from Eureka Vapor we've been family for a long time. Tell them, talk to these fucking people. What's going on, well? Getting close. Getting close there. Yeah, so we just came out with the new clear addition to our line of products and it's taken off fast it's a pretty much pure THC you get we're getting up to that 90 high 80% getting all the getting all the buyproduct out of there taking the

turpines out reintroducing cannabis turpines back into the into the oil to get the viscosity down so the wicks soak it up and then in turns gets to the heating element and it's it's taking off real good winning some awards out there it's a it's a fun time Now, since I met you to now, how much has the blend changed? As far as this new product, the clear with the short path machines and distillate, what people are calling it, we have a slightly different process. It's just another addition of machinery and chemistry. But as far as the amber, which is the honey oil, the CO2 honey oil, that's the same, you know.

People are getting queued out there and doing the, um, Getting the, adding the VG and the propylene glycol and other stuff, coconut oil. What you were saying, you had a problem some months back, right? Some months, people would give me a lot of vapors and people would give me fucking ash. And what happened was I was smoking it so much. And then when I would go on the road, I wouldn't smoke weed with all that stuff. And I wasn't finding myself coughing. And I realized all that shit they were fucking giving me.

It was kind of shitty. I could feel it the next day. I could feel like after a weekend, the smoking a fucking vapor pen and shit. You always, you, whenever you had a vapor pan, it used to give me a headache. Like, I've always gotten headaches from them.

That's why I've never really been a huge proponent of them. It's like, it's tough, but yours, like, it doesn't really happen. We don't cut it. You know, we're not cut it with the vegetables. What are they cut it with? Vegetable glycerin, propylene, glycol, coconut oil.

Those are the three. I buy a gram. I buy a gram in one of those fucking things. How much real fucking reefer am I getting? From us? No, from a regular compound. Jeez, it all depends across the board. Some of them, you know, the testing isn't really,

there's no compliance out here as far as testing in California. But I can tell you from the Colorado operation, people are averaging anywhere from 20 to 50s, you know, and cutting, and with a lot of cut on there. Now, whether that test was before the cut got in there or after, you know, that's a good question. But you can taste it. If anything's tasting like cherries, blueberries, you know, it's cute, but we don't know what that long-term effect's going to be. Here we are doing medicinal, and we might be giving people pneumonia, watering the lungs,

or there's a long list of things that supposedly happens from that. We don't know because it's new. The e-cigarette stuff is new. you know it's only blown up in the past five years give a take that it's really hit mainstream and that's what this is emulating that the caper business is copying that so long-term effect god knows you know we really really don't know you know and it's hard to say because then the um here people saying that uh the e-cigarettes are getting uh polyps on their lungs and stuff i don't know if that's true either because the guy's been smoking a fucking pack of cigarettes for you know for three 30 years

whatever the case may be and now it's the vapor that's getting made you have the lung problem I gave them up because I could feel it too When I wouldn't smoke them And then when I'd smoke them I could feel the difference So the vapor wasn't working I tell you what it's fucking really bad Those things that people put the fucking juice in there And then blow the big clouds

Those people might as well put a gun to their fucking heads Because you really don't know what the fuck is in there When they brought me that Somebody brought me that one time And I was like, what's this? And they go, well you take this and you fill it up And once I got to fill something up That's where the party ends.

All that shit and habit because I got paperwork. I'm a comedian. I write. I come back an hour later. There's oil on my shit from your fucking bong. I have a heart attack, dog. I got shit there. I got paperwork on top of the fucking desk.

So I don't want no blow torches. Yeah. You know, I don't want no dabs. I don't want no rocks in my fucking house. I don't want no explosives. You know, this is, it's, it's, I'm old enough to see it. This is, listen, 1980, people were jumping up and down in Studio 54. I'm gonna snorting cold getting ass to fuck to the ass.

That's it. And then four years later, I'm in a hotel room with a black guy in a hooker, and I'm fucking smoking fucking crack out of a glass. Next thing, you know, I'm at East West, and I bought the free base kit. You know, in 1984, you could buy a free base kit at a head shop, the glass, the silk stocking, the blow torch, the fucking all the things. And I took it and we went to my friend's basement, and we must have went through 11 grams.

And I couldn't believe what a wasted time it was. So, wait a second. We were having a great time here. You do a line, I do a line. I put a line on your pussy. You put a line on my helmet. We suck each other off and we go home. Now I got to go upstairs, cook it, put it through a fucking sock, let it dry, patiently.

And then I got to put on the thing and it disappears like that. Disappears like that. What happened to the Coke? I have no fucking idea. So it's always something. Like once I saw that, I go, I'm done. I'm going to snort Coke until 2007. I'm never going to smoke it.

I never fell for nothing else. I fell one time. Then like in 87, these fucking savages at clubs in New York City were taking Coke, which is the same thing, bacon soda, and you put in the microwave of it. And you take the rocks out and you take nicotine out of your cigarette, and you put the fucking thing in your cigarette, and you light it up. And next thing you're done it. you were seeing Godzilla.

I didn't like cigarettes then. So people were like, you'd do the same with Reefus. And they would put the Coke rocks and then get a lighter. And you burnt under the joint. You could see the Coke spreading onto the paper. And you'd smoke those fucking things that was over. There were bazookas. But you know what?

People were losing their fucking houses over that shit. It was crack. Yeah. That's what the ad started. Oh, yeah. You know, it was like a thousand ways to smoke crack. But nobody could figure out you're smoking crack, you know. I mean, listen, the shit you buy.

buying 188th Street is not the shit we were doing. I mean, the shit you buy in 1008th Street is the shit you buy, is the shit you find in the oil business here in California. There's no compliance. So in the crack business, they take a pound of Coke and they get, you know, three pounds of crack, but they cut it with turpentine. You know what? That's like snorting that shit.

You know, people say, well, I don't have no lung capacity. I snorted blow for 27 years. They cut that shit with gasoline. What do you think that did to the inside of my lungs? I got no little flamboying. Omiba hairs left. I got nothing. Yeah, whatever fuck you call those.

When you smoke, you got little hairs. My hairs are done. That thing is bald and fucking Joe Rogan. That thing is, my lungs are bald, Jack. So, now talk to me about, I had a CBD. I love all this stuff. You know, I love smoking. I love getting fucking high.

Like I said, we got people. I'll go to a weed store and something. I go, Joey, somebody left you something. They know you come here, take this and I'll smoke it, I'll go. In fact, somebody gave me a vapor to try, but they gave me your cartridge. I didn't realize it until I got to the whole time room, and I opened the envelope. They gave it to me an envelope, and you actually have to text the number in if you light the vapor. But the funny thing was, they gave me your bottom.

I was like, this is fucking interesting. So they gave me their fluid with your bottom. Poaching motherfuckers. Poaching motherfuckers. So you guys were here in California. And then we spoke about a year ago and you were headed to Colorado. And every 90 days we talk about Colorado and you were like, holy shit. And I told you the first time, I go, listen, that's a complete different world.

And for them to survive, they got to be wider than white. if it's an inch they stick to it it's a great it's a great city you know we did a license and deal out there with a group and uh we set it uh set it up and um staffed it and it's uh it's running like a well oil machine the um tough market out there you know it's uh very developed the uh the biggest guy in i and my part of the industry is from there that's his backyard and um it's uh it's uh it's uh it's um it's it's It's interesting. I've made a lot of good people out there. The CBDs out there is huge, too. You know, they're doing these down in Pueblo. They're doing these hemp farms, you know,

acres upon acres upon acres. And it's really going to kick up in the next year or two. But as far as the lab that was built down there, it's state of the art. It's real. It's real. What did you build? Yeah. Yeah. Which I helped build with the owner. And we got about 4,900 square feet, almost 5,000 square feet. they're running two custom-made apex 20-liter machines and they're producing they're about to come out with the clear the machine that we have

Colorado's never seen the machine so it's in Denver Fire Department's hands right now from my understanding they were telling me it's the last phase before it gets the stamp and we'll be up and running hopefully they'll be I'm hoping within three to six weeks something like that you know it's fucking booming out there Joey. I mean, you look across the skyline. It's just, it's like downtown, it's almost,

it's almost not as bit much as downtown L.A. down here, but I was like, holy geez. So, anyway, that's, the production out there is, uh, is going. They're making some traction, some waves. Because the big difference is, again, we're introducing cannabis turpines back into it. Now, let me give you a little thing. Here at sea level, right? The viscosity oil is no problem. Just put the raw oil right into the cartridge and the, and the wick soaks it up and gets to the heating element. Well, when you're at five thousand, thousand plus elevation and the high desert the arid no humidity this stuff is like molasses out there you need it to be like a maple syrup now let's do it break it down for you so we figured out how to get the

we have the cannabis turpings like I said and we introduced about about nine percent back into it you know to loosen it up to get it to that maple syrup state so it can get soaked up by the wick and the uh as you would say the flavor is tremendous it's it's serious it's serious and it's and it's people know even know what to do not to what to do it's uh they haven't tasted something like that out there and i've got to be quite honest with you because we entered a blind uh people's choice um contest it was called the seven 10 sesh out there blind hands down landslide victory you know they didn't know who we were what it was it was not even a close second according to the guy that was throwing the contest the guy that was throwing the contest he decided to enter us into the

shatter category we play second i said the fuck did we lined up on the how do we lined up in the How do we wind up in the shadow? Why not shadow oil? Because it was better than the shadow, and the only reason to win is because you guys were oil. I swear to God. I was like, I was like, okay, you guys are on to something. I guess the guy that staffed the place that's managing,

he figured out with the deal. So it was good. And then, you know, the outsider's coming in, you know. It's not always the easiest thing. You know, with the new kids on the block. We might have a name here. But the new kids on the block over there. But it's good.

I'm feeling confident for these guys. When are you going back to Denver? I'll be back there next week. So I won't see you this weekend. No. I was looking forward to seeing you guys this weekend. I'll be there Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, jumping up and down. So I can just imagine how fucking crazy.

Like, I've been there maybe three times since this is going on. And I've seen the three-day effect. It's like when you go to New York City. I'm going for three days. How much can you really see? You see the outskirts. You know what I'm saying? I still haven't gone back to Boulder

And seen what that shit's like And how the wheat stores are there I love to go to Greeley I love to go to all my old fucking horns Longmont And just to see Now what time do these weed stores Stay open till?

Depending on what part of like Denver Is I want to say 7 o'clock And then other parts like Glendale Which is Cherry Creek water They're midnight A few places 10 o'clock It's They got a good thing

They're open at 9 in the morning Bright and early There's not a stood There's a few and far between They aren't open 9 in the morning Interesting thing is You go down to those border towns These guys are seeing

1,500 customers a day A day And you pull up to this place And you're like There's nothing around Where are these people coming from What are they living on the rocks literally But they're coming in across the borders

And stuff Yeah Now there's a lot of the border stuff. Yeah Now, there's a lot of open land in Colorado. Could you just buy up? Because, like, I've driven through it. Could you just buy, like, land out on the highway and just build the weed store out there?

No. No. No. No. It's not that easy at all. They're not, uh, the market's a little saturated, which actually the, uh, zip code that we're in in the Denver proper was, is considered a saturated zip code. And, uh, people are fighting back and forth. But the amount of money it's bringing in, you know, there's a 23,000.

24% tax on the sale of recreational. There's not a bad freaking school district in the city, you know? Roads are good. You know, it's beautiful. It's building. And obviously, it's not all the marijuana. It's a good portion. You got the tech boomed.

You know, Google's coming out there and so forth. But it's something to see, man. Beautiful city. Good people. It's, uh, it's, uh, food is good, too. You've been there during Bronco season? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I was there on the second. It's on my balcony. People go fucking crazy, though. When they won? Oh, man. Yeah, people go fucking crazy. I was there when they were losing. I was there those years when they would have parties and parades

and fucking explosives. They'd have a Super Bowl party and fucking lose. So I... This is what I got to tell you. Like, I grew up in New York City, and I had great weed. I had to go into Harlem to get, like, chocolate tie weed and shit. When I went to Colorado, it was a completely...

different world for me. I went to Colorado as a 19-year-old. Holy fuck. And I was getting fucking stoned in that fucking altitude. I was getting fucking ripped up. The first time I smoked was out of a bun

and I passed out last. Went backwards. They had to wake me up with ice on my head and shit. So now if this liquid's going to get clear, that is clear. This is clear. Yeah, that's what they're clear. Now, what is. This is this here. This is a Sativa, Nicker.

Sativa, Indica. That's yours. Yeah, it's, uh, I'm proud of these guys. They did some, uh, heavy work, man. A lot of R&D goes into this shit. Let me tell you what I do with these.

I can't smoke them all day, but in the hotel rooms, in the mornings, I get blasted with these. I get blasted to the point where, like, I forget I got to go eat breakfast. But when I get up, right, when I get up in those hotel rooms on Friday and Saturday, if I don't have radio, first thing I do is got a cup of coffee out of the fucking thing. I darken it up. Like they want four cups, just one cup.

So it's fucking strong no matter what it is. Hotel brand, Savoy Duke, whatever the fuck it is, it's coming out blasting. While I'm drinking the coffee, I roll a joint to take downstairs. However long it takes me to take that joint downstairs, I'm dicking around the computer. I'm fucking around on Twitter. I'm writing jokes. I'm writing my daily routine. Sometimes I look up from smoking your vaping.

It's 10 o'clock. I've been sitting there for two hours. I've got to go down because breakfast is like I threat down on 11. You know what I'm saying? But that's how strong. This week I put it on the periscope. I did it in a hotel room with the fucking thing. And for some reason, I got two tubes.

One hits harder than the other one. The other tube down to the end. But it's those old school cartridges, those long ones. You left me something here that was really dynamite in there. I don't know what the fuck. I took all of them out of that box. I yanked all of those motherfuckers

out of there. Tremendous tremendous shit. So, now, what do you have in Colorado? Can I walk into your store? Or you sell them to different stores? We're wholesale. It's a lab. It's a manufacturing lab. And

we are doing tours. We hooked up with these limo services. They pick you up at the airports and they drive you around and give you the tour and then drop you off at a button breakfast. High-end tours is one that I'm really, I really like working with these guys. And what they do is they pick you up at the airport.

They bring you to my facility. And you tour the facility. You see what the moving parts are. We give you the whole lowdown. And then we take it to a grove. There's time. It depends. And then what they're doing,

they got a pretty good thing, too, a prefixed menu. Like, you know, because you go into these stores. You know, somebody, see, this is your backyard. You know these stores, you know, in and out. You know what you like or what you don't. But then you bring 30, 40 people off a bus, and you put them into this thing. They don't know what the f-a-kid in the candy store is an understatement. They're like, what's this, what's that?

So they want to set it up and get them the best of everything, prefix menus, and it's working out pretty well. It's working out this high-end tours. Now, how long has it been illegal? Two years, a little over two years. I've got to be honest with you. This is going to kill you guys. About three years ago, I got hit up by some kid to listen to the podcast.

And he was like, listen, man, I go to school in Boulder. You know, I've been talking to my friends. We have an idea where we, he didn't sit there about pick people up. He wanted to, for me, to pick people up in a car and drive them to different weed stores and take him to a bar and take him to dinner. And he had a couple of investors. This is crazy. And he goes, I love for you to be one of the drivers.

I was like, when would I find time to do this? You know what I'm saying? Like, when would I find time to do this? And he didn't fucking stop. Like, he was hitting me up. He was hitting me up. He was hitting me up. He was hitting me up.

You know, I have no desire to be a driver. You know, I mean, not right now. Where were you 10 years ago? Like, I can fucking use it. Now I don't want to fucking drive around and honk it. I don't even want to drive from myself. You know, so hopefully it was one of these guys. They pick you.

up at the fucking airport in the limo take it to a weed store and then take it to a butt and breakfast and you get to tour the facility, Eureka Vapor's facility and see the actual extraction process, the lab. It's pretty uh... No, the butt and breakfast. Break

the butt and breakfast down to me. I want to hear about this shit. Well, you pay for the room, whatever X amount of dollars and they have care packages in there and you can indulge and have your little edibles and they show you where to go and they have little uh... excursions and I think they even

I think they even suflay some food up for you with infused products I'm not exactly sure about that though something else it's something else it's fucking two thousand dirty out there right like they've already moved it that fast along and they got and let's say you don't want to

stay in a hotel these guys can hook you up with they have they have partnerships with houses apartments condos you know let's say you know 15 of you guys you want to go to Aspen they'll get you a mansion you know if you want So it's an all in service They run it well

Run it well Very well I'm very impressed on how they do it They move their operation around And they get Anything from 55 People buses down to If you just wanted a Cadillac truck

You know Anything you want Just me and Lee Just there you go And just go to a fucking weed store Go to the extraction process And just drop us off With the butt and breakfast

I got it Danali I'll pick you up What's the Ben What's the best butt in breakfast? And I could smoke bud in the hotel room and everything? Yes, yeah. No shit. And for breakfast, I go downstairs and during my eggs, I could just whip out a number.

And it's all over but the fucking shouting, Jack, right there in the breakfast room. There you go. You know, and what most people understand is, I came from the standpoint of Lee's been with me a thousand times. Well, I want to join up anywhere. Like, that fear left me 30 years ago. Because I grew up in late 70s, early 80s in New York when there was a thing called the fucking junkies. And they were everywhere.

And they would fall asleep on the trains. The buses, the fucking sidewalks waiting until the light of chains. Those were the best. They'd fall asleep waiting and just push them over. Then they'd say, who the fuck pushed me? I don't know, man. I was saying, nobody pushed you. You fucking fell, cuck, sucker.

Then you'd run away and shit. They go, come here, you fuck, whatever. So the smell of marijuana compared to this Godzilla next to you at the fucking bus that's nodding with a drool. I mean, they would drool. They would take their dicks out and jerk off on the bus. The fucking 70s were horrible in New York City. Horrific. Look at a video from the 70s in New York City.

Fucking filthy. Fucking filthy the city. So somebody's smoking pot. I'll never feel. forget in 93 I was working on 57th and 11th selling cars like I was on 55th

let's pretend 57th is the big street you got to walk up and I would walk up and it was with Letteman tapes and you know me guys before I left fucking work I go to the bathroom roll a number so once I hit fucking 57th I'd start smoking and I

would smoke past people and their faces would drop like that whole genre had disappeared from New York. People just didn't take a joiner like the fucking mid-80s. That's when Giuliani got all the days. I would smoke up 57th Street and people look at me, walk up the hill like, what the fuck's he doing? And it still didn't stop me from smoking. I'm one of these people in my mind. It's been illegal everywhere since fucking I was a kid. It's acceptable, dog. If you come over here to say some, the fucking people across the street from me,

about three months ago made the biggest mistake. They made the biggest mistake. They made the biggest mistake. The goofy lady with the blue and the boyfriend that always wears the fucking Sinatra hat, that half a fucking Momo. She came up to you in there and she goes, do you always need to smoke on your balcony? We could smell it. And I just basically looked at it like,

said, like fuck you, and kept walking with my luggage. It was on a Sunday after I got off a six-hour flight. You're going to come over here and be cute. I'm taking the luggage out of the car. I could feel her and her boyfriend walking over. They live across the street from me.

You know, I always smoke on my fucking balcony. What do you know what I'm going to go smoke? It's my fucking balcony. I pay rent up there. This little dumb bitch asked me, why must you smoke up there? What would you like for me to smoke, you fucking moron? So wait, not like your next door.

You mean like across the street? She's across the street, though. They sit outside drinking beer all night, those two fucking idiots. And their friends come over with have hat-ons. They have hats too, and they wear sand those fucking too. And they think they're doing like a mickelobre.

commercial from the 80s. They're out there and they're all ugly and in debt. Both of the broads are ugly. Both of the dudes are fucking ugly. I wouldn't invite them to nothing, those four fucking people. They're nothing would I invite them over there. She's pale as fuck. She's pale as fuck with

these fucking shorts. She got a flat ass. She's got a hairdo from the fucking go-goes from the 80s and she's going to come tell me not to smoke fucking refra on my balcony. Get the fuck out of you and your boyfriend. With the fucking college. shirt. I need this shit in my life. You should get like a fan and just blow it towards her.

I just keep, listen to people next to me, they come out at six. There's a lady who looks like her husband beats her. She walks out of there every morning. You got a fucking neighbor. She walks out there at six with another French poodle who looks at the husband kicks four times at night

two. They walk past me every morning and every morning they look at me and I got that pipe in my hand. It's about 6.15 and you have to see the look on her fucking face. And then I have two old ladies We have a German Shepherd That I'm smoking

I gotta put the pipe away Because the German Shepherd likes me So I got to stop what I'm doing And go over and talk to this is German Shepherd Reeking of marijuana Reeking of marijuana And what else is there As somebody else who always sees me out there

Puffing The black lady next door She just don't even react to me no more I know it destroys her But I'm out there fucking smoking For some people Black people get annoyed when you smoke powder on them We have the two black ladies over here

Who get annoyed We got the two The black lady Who threw a side of the office Over on Burbank Boulevard That black woman I don't know what the fuck's up We're black people no more now there

I need this shit They're sick of weed They don't like it at all Yeah in my mind It's always been fucking legal You know what I'm saying I'm one of those fucking old school In New York

Listen If I'm over here stabbing the motherfucker You got all the right in the world To stop You know what I'm saying Oh I think you If I'm over here smoking week. Keep fucking driving. They ain't gonna look

at it. It's just too fat fuck smoking weed talking about their high school days. That's it. We ain't hurt nobody. It's true, but I got scared. Like, I tried to walk with a joint once and I just saw a cop car and I just threw the joint away. Fuck no. You could smoke right next

they don't know those morons don't even know. You can spark right next to them. They'll start looking around. Oh my, no, no, no, no. I thought it was going to be arrested. No, they won't arrest. So how do you just do it? You cup it in your hand and you keep walking you look around like for a fake address and wait for the light to change for a

fake ad you got to watch the fucking light remember the the the jersey yellow last what it's how long is a light how long is the thing i forget i don't know do you know i used to know when i was you know i used to know the timings and shit if it the stops on you just cup the joint in your hand and the smoke will go the other fucking way i've done it a thousand times in front of cops but if they stopped at a light you got a few minutes to hold that joint your head eventually they're going to see the fucking smoke and put the fucking light on you

yeah that's what I didn't want they were out of light but they didn't see me like I was behind them in a parking lot and I just got too scared I got arrested for smoking refa in 1981 no I got arrested for smoking wifer in January of

1982 and I thought my world was over with guys that was the most scariest arrest I was ever ever involved for the first time when I was laying on the floor getting handcuffed

I actually thought about arresting me for real like is this a robbery I did that's how bad it was and it was all over a fucking $75 bag of weed because they were looking for people selling drugs to kids.

It was a bodega. And I never went to this weed place. I knew it existed and I knew it had good weed, but I always stayed close to the bridge. I didn't want to lurk around the city. So I would get off the bridge 178th Street. I would always go to the nearest stores around that.

For some reason, that day I'm like, what the fuck? I had the winning team in the Super Bowl. I picked up $800. I'm 19. Let me walk around the fucking city with 800, go eat. and I walked all the way to this place because they had good chocolate tie wheat. It was like two in the afternoon.

That was the other fuck-up I did. When were you supposed to do it? Maybe at one, maybe at lunchtime when there's more traffic on those streets. If you're not going to come over at night and hide and mix with the other cars, look, when they see three white kids with jersey plates, you get in bulldo.

Really? You get bulldo. This is 34. fucking years ago. This is 35 years ago. You see three fucking white kids on 178 Nansen Dan in a fucking car, like a nice

car, you're getting pulled over. Is that like Harlem? They're going to ask you. How are you? What are you doing this part of town? I'm here to visit my aunt. Really? Where she live? What Puerto Rican housing around here is Mrs. Syatt fucking live at?

Take yourself and your drugs and get the fuck. Sometimes they just end all Listen, 95% of the time They let you go, guys You know what they said to me? They said, there's only two things White people do around here.

Buy drugs and get assaulted And you look like you're up to both of those Jackson Heights And they let you go? And they let us go Yeah, well they stripped us down This is in the 90s. They stripped us down

Right down the sidewalk Yeah, four of us It was about 16 years old They didn't care about the lights And they were looking for guns Now in 94 It was a little tighter And 94, they were already

What they would do is If you came over with your car From the George Washington Bridge, and if you copped right there On the way back, they would clock your plate. They didn't matter if you went on the lower deck Or the upper fucking deck. They would tell you,

go on the lower deck, it didn't fucking matter. And brother, but the time you hit the Jersey side, there'd be a cop there. Waving you in. And if they waved you in, done because if they search that car the car gets confiscated it's interesting fucking you're done yeah

done lisa and they would fucking go to the engine they would ask you why the fuck did you go over there for 10 minutes they let you get away with you dropped your girlfriend off one time drop my girlfriend off what the fuck is wrong with you she's Spanish I can't date a fucking Spanish girl she works at the med center check her out the name is Debbie whatever the fuck and they would look at you and they would look at you

And they go, all right, get the fuck out of here. They had dogs, though. They had dogs. So you could drop 80 fucking names. So why wouldn't you just go around? So then you start going to a Lincoln Tunnel and getting stopping and getting that hot dog clocking. At least you have an excuse. It's a heavy detour.

Not really. From all the way up there? You stay on the west side highway. Yeah. Yeah. You stay on the west side highway and you shoot down and you go, you have a favorite hot dog place. That's the only place you shoot up. Like 58, 57, got those little fucking dudes and Greeks,

and they sell the fucking gyros on the street. You go over there. By that time, you're already tuned up. You rolled one up and you smoked it. You get yourself a fucking slice of pizza, a can of soda, and you get back on the Lincoln Tunnel. You didn't do nothing. By that time, they don't even know.

You're off the fucking radar. I used to walk over. Never got stopped. Never got fucking stopped walking home. If for whatever reason, you had to go back to, like there were no dispensers anymore. Would it be tough for you, or could you get right back into it? We would get weed tomorrow.

Listen, there's a bunch of people who don't want to go to dispensaries right now. There's still people who get insurance benefits and medical benefits or veteran benefits that said, listen, man, I'm not putting my name on that fucking list. And there's still a market for it. People are just going to go to the weed store and sell it. That's it. That's it. People are still going to sell fucking weed.

Yeah. Listen, what's going on in Colorado? You know how many times I've been in fucking Philadelphia and somebody's giving me a star or a gummy bear or one of these fucking things or cushy bear? You know how many fucking times? Every fucking time. I'm somewhere.

Somebody gives me something from me to Colorado or California. Texas, next week in Austin. When you were in Austin, how many Chebichuze did they give you? Oh, yeah. Yeah. When you're in Texas, then. all over, Chewba. That Chewish is all over, fucking Texas. So that's the biggest business right now.

You know, it's me, you and him. You're the first week. I'm the second week, and with the third week, the fourth week, we're like Jews. We take Saturdays off. So the fourth week, we're done. Nobody makes a move. So the fourth week, you drive from New Mexico with your fucking Colorado Buffalo gear on and skis. You know what I'm saying? I mean, you've got to make it look right. you could take three pounds out of there and 10 million in fucking little fucking cheebat shoes

and pack on $5 to each cheebat shoe listen if I didn't have this going on what do you think I'd be doing all my boys in New York I'd have four of them with menus and I'd email the menu a week before and say place your orders like remember when you were in school and you got cookies sent to the school

same thing you gotta place your order and give us a deposit Kalavas, Kalamazza, talas, you understand me? I get off the plan, I open the suitcase, I give it to you, you give me my fucking cash, I close it, and I get right back on the 2 o'clock plane to Los Angeles. People do it every fucking day. And nobody would fucking know.

You think they're flying? They're not driving? No. Either that, or they're sending it. They're just sending it. I would. I'd send it and send you with a suitcase every fucking Tuesday to see Louis on 150th Street.

I'd have eight fucking meals going. You understand me, me, you, my wife, the baby, everybody. Everybody'd be fucking muleing right now. This would be, you're crazy. We're legit. California, we legit. I'd take a picture of the dispensary. I get the dispensary to certify that motherfucker.

So when I shoot at your house, I got the fucking certification like a, like a Babe Ruth baseball card. You understand me? Oh, we're making big loot. Lee. We're like fucking blow. We're like fucking Johnny Depp and blow, like George. Young, whatever his fucking name is. Let me get some shoutouts.

He was just down in San Diego. Who, George Young? Doing what? Doing his speech at a convention last night. He's fucking crazy. First off, I want to give a shout out to Room 407 for the cigar. He carved out the fucking cigar and put a joint in the cigar. Put it in, you know, those metal containers for cigar with the lid?

Yeah. And then in the lid, he popped out the fucking cork and put two hits of ass in there. You see what I'm saying? There's still good solid Americans left. Whoever you are, I love you, cock suckers, and I owe you one. Send me an email to the church podcast so I can send you a special present. My man, Stephen Watkins, Miguel Rizzo from 150 fucking Phib Street, Chad Reza, Peter Garcia, always looking good with the glasses on.

My man, who I'm going to see in New York City next month, the original fucking Puerto Rican biker, Renee Encacion, Michael Gabbard, James Sickler and my man Jason Temple Now one thing I tell you motherfuckers all the time I tell people this constantly I don't give a fuck

How big the envelope is You never ever Ever ever ever ever fly on a Monday You see what happened today Can you imagine Having a suitcase filled with Chebechus Getting stuck at a fucking airport Dog sniffing

There you are all Cheeb at you the fuck up. That's why I'm always nervous for you when you take animals before you go to the airport. Like, what happens if you get, like, stuck at, like, a 27-hour delaying just high as fuck? Dog, I found a debt star

in my luggage last week that was harder than die. I told you. You couldn't buy. I find shit in my luggage every fucking time. I'm prepared for war. Do you understand me? I'm prepared for war. You think I'm fucking kidding you.

against when I leave the house I put a couple stars in me number two there's always some edible in the bag in the emergency exit situation that means if I'm stuck for up to 10 hours I'm good to go number two there's always a joint

rolled so when I get off the fucking plane when I get to the car the joint is ready to go with the lighter scots tape somewhere around me I can't tell you where okay I'm always ready there's no way I'm making it from the airport went to the house without smoking a joint on the 405.

That's just how I roll. That's just who Uncle Joey is. Playing it fucking simple. You scotch David somewhere. You know me, dog. I'm like a Cuban James Bond. I don't fuck around with the lighter so there's no drama because I don't want to leave the lighter in the luggage and got to open my fuck.

I want to get in the car, start it up while the car is warming up. I take it out of where it's hidden. I run up. I pay for fucking leave the airport. And once I hit that 405 bitch, that joints gets hit. I'm cutting people off on the 18. Chauvillane, smoking a joint going uphill on a fucking Sunday on the 405. You want to ask yourself who's better than Uncle Joey?

Ask yourself, cock suckers. You always got to be prepared to be stuck at the airport. I got a vapor pen on me. Always got a tube and a backup with both pens charged. You understand me, ready to go. I'm old school. I got one of these for the backup, and I got the button to work at old school like a motherfucker. Bam, I got three volumes on me.

I got a stick. I got everything. I got them hidden in fucking iTunes speakers. You know me, dog. I'm fucking James Bond. But I got prescriptions. So if you stop me for those pills, I got a prescription for those anxiety pills.

I just never take them because I don't need them. But if you're stuck in an airport for 10 hours, you're going to need them with a shot of vodka. You get fucked up, Jack. Fucked up. If you tell me, listen, Joe, you're stuck here for 12 hours. I might as well go to the bar, eat a nice fucking steak.

Get the best steak they got that motherfucker while I'm there. and then pound them like Burke Kreischer go to the Admiral Club and start telling stories about Jews and heaven and all that shit and crack motherfuckers, Doug. Let me tell you something. In Colorado in the old days, I used to leave.

I would leave Aspen. This is how fucking retarded I was, guys. I'm talking about 1980 fucking six. I would take off from Aspen Airways, like seven, which would get me into Dendor by 8, which would put me on United flight that would leave at 9 o'clock and would get me to fucking Jersey by 2 o'clock.

My friends would pick me up. I'd go to West New York, make the drop off, make the pickup, go right back and I'd take the 5 o'clock out of the fucking whatever, which would get me to Aspen to Denver by 8. But there used to be at 9 o'clock flight to Aspen. And you knew when you landed, if you were, missing that flight because it was the last flight to fucking ask me and I'd have eight ounces of blow on me so I'd check them in those lockers because I'd have it on my body like a retard you know me dog I'm all in I'm all in if you're gonna get me you're gonna get me you know on the way there I would bring pieces and the way back I would bring up the fucking blow and I would get the blow below wholesale back there and I would sell it fucking above retail back there because they weren't getting that shit they weren't getting what we were getting in the East Coast those days

fuck no we were getting that fucking Che Guevara shit you know what I'm saying we were getting that heavy duty Cuban shit so I was bringing it up there and I would get stuck at the airport

all night jawn out of my fucking mind all night I would spend $80 in quarters getting the coke out of the locker because it's a dollar to get the key out I would put it in there take a rock out and go to the bar

and then get lit up and then fucking try to get the car beers from somebody and then you would sit there once the bars closed or two you would sit there till six just drinking water join by yourself I'd put another dollar in the locker

I'd take another coke rock out and sit there go in the bathroom try to jerk off I was a fucking messing another thing did I get on the fucking plan all whacked up oh my God one time I did everything but rape a nanny out of point one time what stopped you

the police No, I would never. She was some chick that was hot, and she told me she wanted to do a blast. That's all I needed in those days. When I was 21, 22, if he took a blast from me, he was sucking my dick, whether you knew it or not. I was doing something.

I was, and I started, we started making out in the plane. I mean, I tried to fuck her in the third row, like an animal. You know, when you're from Jersey, you're an animal. You don't give a fuck where your dick comes out. Under a blanket, at least? Yeah, no, I put the blanket over both of them. I was trying to touch your pussy, but didn't work out. My arms were wearing a little.

long enough. There was a person in between us. Some old ladies. I can't waking her up. Please stop. Man, Jesus fucking Christ, Lee. It was crazy. I used to, how I didn't get arrested at those airports,

how I did not get arrested. I thought one time, two times, one time, I had a jacket like Don Johnson. And in those days, was no metal detector. There was just a guy. He took my jacket and searched it. He searched the inside and he searched these two pockets. The weed was in the outside pocket. Instead of having a flower, I had a joint sticking up like Louis Lamour. He actually looked at it and he goes,

what's this? And I go, whatever you want it to be. I'm in a rush officer. And he goes, get the fuck out of here. He had no idea in my stomach. I had 12 ounces of coat. you imagine they hit me for that joint then another time I was way gone already the cops knew what I was doing they knew exactly what was going on I was just a fucking pussy here

from getting caught the Mets won the World Series when the Mets win the World Series Anybody know 86 86 there you go I flew back that weekend and I get to my friend's house and the water the water broke in this house

the pipe broke This is the savages they were. They never called a plumb. They started snorting coke downstairs, and they had to turn all the lights off. They were walking around with candles because you electrocute yourself. You put the fucking light out.

They snorted coke for two days in there with their pants rolled up like fishermen. We would just pee wherever. You know what I'm saying? We would just pee wherever. I was trying to fuck insist. It was horrible. I kept telling you're going to drive me to the airport.

Yeah, yeah. The next morning he's like, I can't drive me to the airport. It was like a $2,000 cab ride to kind of the airport. I get to Kennedy Airport before the tunnels you had to walk outside so they would point you to the plane

and you had to actually walk outside I'll never forget it was 7 in the morning it was freezing out people had jacket and I walked out there with a t-shirt and steam was coming out

with a fucking body like a doctor we're very lucky gentlemen to all be in the room we all have a story or two how are you doing over there captain you rolled a blunt what is that over there

what did you bring some Colorado blend Because it's some regular OG Okay, some regular OG Don't just, fuck it Look at me, he's high as fuck With that little vapor pen and stuff So what's the vision you guys see

For the future? What's the vision? It's just keep on expanding And educating people With their ingesting, you know With this glycol, with glycerin And coconut oil

Man, that's not meant to be smoked It's not, you know? So just, And keep on, You know, We got some good testimonials from real patients, you know? It's some good stuff when you go out there and see it and you put your hands on it. You really see what's going on with the ailments and stuff.

And coming out with a big CBD line, you know, and some of the ailments, you know, you need the THC as a conduit for the CBD, you know, very little bit, but you do. Does it get your high? The CBD? Yes, with the THC in it. Well, yeah, it depends on what the blend is. know if you do a 50-50 or you know what's it depends on what what ailments what's what's what's the least THC you should have in the CBD like 5% yeah you can you get that yeah

you can do 3% you know and not get high but still get the full better yes yes for the most part and the CBD's that you know help you with pain and the in the sleep as well you know and some edible companies we're talking with that uh that there's a lot of A lot of R&D being done right now for when the rules roll out in the next year and a half, the next year and a half. Now, let me ask you something. I had a gentleman in here a couple months ago. Great guy. He's working with a guy trying to help him out.

He's got a CBD line. Great stuff, honey, CBDO, 51%, you know, no T-8C. You know, and I heard the same argument that it only gets activated. a little bit of THC. Now, do you have to smoke it or at the same time? Or could I do a CBD and smoke refa and get the same effect from the CBD? Some of the amos, like the epilepsy for the kids, right? You don't need the THC.

There's an argument out there that the THC helps it a little bit more, you know? Above my pay grade, Joe. You know, to be honest with you, I don't know. But I know that there is other things that people say. and testimonials that the C, the THC does help, like I said, a conduit activates the CBD faster, quicker, you know? There's this gentleman that I'm working with CBD Global Extracts. This guy, he really knows what he's doing. And he's planning, he's working with doctors and stuff.

He's doing on another level from just trying to just get it in people's hands. He's a unique guy. He doesn't even like, you know, there's an avenue I showed. him and it was more about the money and he's like, no, I don't need that. You know, he's really cured his father's cancer. He was a tech guy. His father got cancer and he cured it. He single-handedly cured it with the CBDs and the T-HC. And then he just kept on snowball effect and he's out there making some major waves as far as I'm concerned. One of the more serious people that I've met doing it. And I love for him to call in and talk to you, you know, he's a, you know, the amount of

information he's got. Yeah, I love, I really love to get to the bottom of this, because I think it's the future. Yeah. I think CB, and everybody, I mean, when he came on, I had maybe 75 people who sent me emails that they're really interested in this, because now they're saying it's legal in 50 states. You can ship this stuff, but you can't ship it if it has the T.HC. You could ship it without, maybe. That's why I'm thinking maybe you could drop it, but I read some of the people who did buy it from the show. And I read his page and their testimonials. I was pretty fucking impressed.

You know, like I said, I roll around a jiu-jitsu in 50 fucking three. When I come home, I make a protein shake, I eat lunch. And I hit that shit in the morning and at night, I sleep a little better. I sleep a little bit more solid now. I have my ups and downs with sleep, but that's because I fucking eat nicotine gum. And I'll drink a yuhu at midnight, which will fucking keep you up until 6 in the fucking morning.

It's like 19 expressos and shit like that. How can people find out about your products? Then go on our website, eurekaVapor.com. We're in numerous collectives up and down the coast of California. And Colorado as well. I think we're in about 30 plus stores right now. We're making natural remedies, which is right off the 16th Street Mall, dank, which these guys run unbelievable business,

both of those gentlemen. And there's, you know, strain-wise, like, if you go on the website, it's got a list of where you can locate us, you know, for California, it's medical only. Colorado, there's recreational and med. Really? Yeah. So it's the lowest thing. This is all I got to say. And this is all I got to fucking say about this, that, as you know, we have a thousand milligrams than that are the stars.

We don't fuck around here. We didn't maybe fucking, we did maybe. Five bone hits apiece, you know. Our tolerance is high. You know, we get, he's embarrassed. He calls me some nights. He's like, I ate 600 milligrams and nothing happened, Joey. This is fucked up.

We're like, we got to lay off. You know, you can't go every fucking night. You know, I leave him on Thursday. He doesn't do nothing Thursday. On Friday and say, he looks up with the girlfriend. And he eats these things, then we go deep on fucking Monday and Wednesday. I don't even know why we didn't do it with acid tonight. We just, we just, I'm giving them from training time until September.

We go deep every night. Every fucking night. Someone asked me last night. So when the last time you took like a tolerance break? And I was like, never. There's no tolerance breaks here. We don't play that vacation time. But I got to honestly tell you, man.

My man here showed up one night. And one day I came over here, I forgot that I left him here. And I came over here like five days later with my daughter and my wife. And my wife. And I go, oh, shit. and I fucking took these out and I took a couple pens out and I took some of the cartridges out

and I went home and that night I said you know what when I pack them I'll fly I mean I can't believe how many times I fly and it's in the front flap and it goes right through the machine and they give me the fucking bag I go I can't fucking believe these people but like I say guys

I smoke in hotel rooms and I get baked off it baited bait. I got to take six or seven hits, but I get fucking baked. You know what I'm saying? Like I go, I got to take a shower. You know, when I'm at an airport, I'll fucking smoke those things. You get so big. I don't smoke on a plane no more. I got caught on the plane. That's it. That's it. I didn't think the fucking bathroom can get it.

The fucking bathroom went off. It's buzzing. She's banging on the door. I opened the door this, and she's like, I don't smell no cigarettes. I go, I'm telling you. I don't know what happened. I bang something. She goes, this is the second time to this. happened this week. You were in the past from both times. No, no. So I thought they were going to pull me over in LAX. So I took the tube and put it in my luggage hidden, the sleep-at-me machine. And when I got to LAX, they said, say, dick to me.

Because usually I don't say nothing. And then when you go to go, they go, sit in the back, we have something to hear who wants to speak to you. Like, God, damn it. So that's it, man. Dog, I'm finally got, I'm happy when you came on. Yeah. So what's the website again? Eureka Vapor E-U-R-E-K-A-V-A-V-A-P-O-R dot com.

And this is to retailers only. No, this is for the consumer to find out where the product could be found in Colorado and California. Okay. So if I live in San Diego and I want to get some Eureka Vapor, I go to this web page. They'll tell me what store it's at, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You have stores up here. Where was it in the valley? In the valley.

Where are we got? It's going on the website. There's numerous. I don't want to single out one guy, you know, because, you know, no favoritism. No, I hear you got to be fair. No, I just was curious where I saw it because I only go to three stores. So it was either sunset perennial or the other one rose. Yeah.

It was one of those three who gave me that pen. Yeah, so. And they're doing great with it. So, you know, God bless him. I always, bro, we started talking about five fucking years ago. Yeah. Five fucking years ago. I still have the original.

It's still, you gave me two of them. One, something happened that just went, z-d-z-d-z. A little smoke came out. Those were the early days. Those were the early days. There was a lot of, fuck. The other one is still alive and tick it. I just got to charge it up.

If I don't charge it up, it dies. So I got to charge it up, it's still alive and ticked. Yeah, some of us, it's been, it's come a long way, that's for sure, you know. And we, in Eureka, Vapor and O-Pem, we were the first real CO2 extractors in the country. O-Pen, you know, was the first guys. They're the big boys and ourselves. You know, there's other guys out there that are starting to make oil. Now, you know, they were buying five liters when people were buying, you know, a lot bigger than five liters.

You know, times about 100. And it's, but everybody's involved. You know, the information's out there. Now you can go on YouTube and figure out how to do it. Back then, there was no fucking CO2 is a myth. I was down there banging on doors like a fucking Bible salesman. People looking at me like this New Yorker? It just was horrible.

It was a tough road, but they definitely thought I was selling freaking snake oil. As you know, the kiss of death always follows us. We should have never got rid of Lee's office. Since we got rid of Lee's office, it's been nothing but downhill. We almost lit that office on fire. Everywhere we go This fucking drama So we went to the one place

We got kicked out Then we went to the other place And they fucking barely kicked us out But we had a weed delivery service next to us Yeah, we were cool at that one But we never smoked in that We kept saying that We couldn't smoke in there

But they kept saying we smell odors in there One night some lady fell in the hallway You know, there was always fucking something There's a homeless dude living in one day And then he robbed a Mexican woman And shit It's terrible We have the kiss of death

And it comes to offices So I walk past here In there See this place The guys like You still want it Yeah, after two years I came here

We set it up Boom, we get in here I don't even know If we got a complaint First, a bong Disappeared I left in the bathroom You know,

I like to wash my bong And I left in the bathroom Somebody clipped it We took this There's a no big deal I went in there Who would throw away a bong Who would throw away a bong?

You know what I'm saying? Like who's fucking Would throw away a bong? These fucking people threw away a fucking bong I go in there by another fucking bong. I rinse it out. I get high.

I take a piss. I forget I leave. Fucking Lido check in there either. The bong gets taken. I'm down to zero to. Then we get a text one day that says, listen. Yeah, what did say? Something about the weed.

It's too strong. Oh, yeah. I can probably find it. No, no. Don't find it. But it said something. We've gotten some complaints, and we usually don't say anything,

but it's, we smell it, and it's very strong. Can you please stop? So before we come in here, and we're smoking this white. Now, this white isn't just good weed. This white felt upside down in my draw, like that drawer where you have staples and pennies and fingernail cutters and shit in my foot file. So it's filled with dust. So I just scraped it up and put it all in there.

There's a staple in there. It's tremendous. This weed will kill a mule. So me and Lee are going in here bong for bong with a doorcloth. We do about seven fucking bongets. and all of us up we opened the door up and that dude is in there and he starts he's talking his fucking coughing

so he could pick down this and I mean this guy coughed for 20 fucking minutes he even came out and he's like and we're howling we were trying to start the pocket

and we think he's done and he kept coughing and coughing and then you heard him walking down and coughed so we feel like we're pretty much out of here like we're gonna get the piece of paper any fucking day now oh yeah thank god I'm moving September 1st

thank God I got a new office right behind my house so we could just take this whole fucking thing and reset it up and take it down what a fucking nightmare like our life never ends at this fucking church of what's happened now we can just wrap it up and do it in a fucking coffee shop and take away the video I told you that shit

it never ends we got our bong stolen who steals your fucking bong to do that bombs. Then they took a picture of the bomb and sent it to us. That's the worst. And asked if it was ours. Does it matter? You know who it is? You just complained about the fucking ref and now you want to ask if

it's if it's fucking, it just never ends. And they want to, someone texting me and said that they wanted to check the cameras to see who it was. So they were like up in arms about it. They must talk about us all the time in like the hallways. It must be like

I hate those people. They come in toys that we can. It always smells weird in the office next day. Because I'm blowing this Eureka vaping. I can't wait to hear that motherfucker about 4.8 minutes. Oh, you hear it. God damn it. These motherfuckers are smoking top again.

And we can't blame for everything. We do. No, no. Every fucking place we've been. There's always something. We had a camera at the other place. I'm telling you, Leah. We're just going to do it from a coffee shop and forget the visuals. We have to make sure there's no And it's the weirdest thing

Because we have great black people Who listen to us and love us But there's something about black women In offices near us Every time we have black people next to us They just don't like us It's like having a Chinese dude behind you When you play black jacks

You always go down in flames You know what I'm saying You get thrown out You got a Chinese guy chasing you in a car It's a fucking nightmare Anyway As always Onid dot com is there for you

I'm stuck on the hemp fucking protein now the last couple days They sent me some of that cocoa every fucking day two scoops A banana maybe no banana just ice cubes and water I feel great it's a great fucking product if it's not that Whenever I got the jet lag I take a little alpha brain with two scoops of the CBD oil Again it goes away like a fucking soldier You know I'm a big fucking outa guy just got the mixed greens Again tremendous the shroom tech I'm a big believer

Listen, they're always getting new stuff. They always got sales. Do me a favor. Go to honor.com right now. Read about all the stuff they have. Read about a product. Give it a shot. I mean, they give you a 30-day alpha brain.

There's 100% money back if you don't like it. Who does that in this fucking business? Go to honor.com right now. Take a look at the fine stuff they got. If you like something, on the way, I go to the box and press in. Church. Boom! C-H-U-R-C-H, bitches.

It gets your 10% off. gets delivered right to your fucking house gratis. Where are you going to get that type of action? So go to honor before the podcast is over. Number two, you know me, dog. I'm a fucking, like I was telling these dudes, they put two straws

in my nose and I had that surgery. I had that surgery about a month ago today. Four weeks ago today, they cleaned out my whatever, and then they put two straws and then they put stitches to hold them the fucking straws. And the second night, I'm sitting there on oxy-cotton's all fucked up. I'm smoking weed. I'm eating some stars.

And I'm thinking to myself, 10 years ago, I'd be looking for a fucking straw right now. Right now I got two straws in my fucking nose. You know what I'm saying? Can you imagine if you could fucking get the patent for that? To put like a Coke snorter who just can't stop. And he said, fuck, I can't take this no more.

Instead of putting two fangs like a vampire, and just put two straws in his nose. And he goes to a little party at night. He's like, who's doing blowing? People are like, I am, I am. I mean, just goes like this, and a straw pops out of his nose. He does a line, he inhales the straw back on his nose, and he walks out. Who's better than you?

You know what I'm saying? That's the most interesting man in the world. So you always try to be, you know, when you can do that type of shit, you imagine the type of Sabwarfare game that you have. What I'm getting to is we all try to be fucking Pierre Cardan, and we all try to get wine and do this and do that. And, you know, as guys, we try to be fucking. and we fake the funk, but we're no good.

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no more going to the store and being lost in the wine aisle and then you don't know what the fuck you're doing. No, no, no. It gets delivered to your door. Okay? And like I said to you, it's a great system. You go to the web page, you go to Club W, you take the little testy poo

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And I got the pick, whatever the fuck. With a chicken and a cord, don't burn the fucking candle, at least I have. Always, I'm going to tell you what the best thing is. Right now is the time of the year, concerts are heating up. The concert teas. and ending up, Black Sabbath, it's about to close off their tour.

I know Peter Gabriel and the other guy, what's his name, Stinger's about to close off their tour. And I'll tell you what, buying tickets online for sports and concerts, since it's been a confusing process for a long time. It's always been hard to find the best deal for the game or show you want to go to. And none of those older ticket sites want to charge that, want to change that. But Seek Geek is different. They've come a long way and they've created an amazing act. and a website that makes it easier than ever for fans to buy and sell tickets, okay?

Seek Geek is always the first place I go in and look for tickets to a game or a concert. I know Josh Wolf had to go to a Boston Red Sock game this week. He called me, and I told him go to Seekkegee, and he got great tickets, he said. I have a Seek geek app on my phone, and I just use it the other day, like I said, with Josh Wolf, just to find a Red Sox game.

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app, okay? So do me a favor, get your $20. Go to Seat Geek app and press in church today. I want to thank Club W. I want to thank Seek. I want to thank All right. I want to thank my boys from Flucking Eureka for coming down and explaining this whole game that's It's getting confusing, because it's getting confusing for people. You walk into a medium-level medical marijuana store now,

and there's 20 fucking vapors, and they don't know really what they're selling. You know what I'm saying? They're selling whatever they fucking tell them to sell. It's very knowledgeable. You know, a lot of people aren't that knowledgeable. They'll tell you what's the most popular, you know what I'm saying? So, but I'm happy you came down and break it down for these motherfuckers.

I am happy to be in. Thank you for coming. Lee, how are you feeling, cock liquor? I'm feeling really good. Good, good. A thousand, are you ready for two more hundred? Can you handle it? Fuck, yeah.

Let's do another thousand. What the fuck? Ah, suck it. Something twisted my arm in Jitsu the other day. And it's getting back. We're fucking, Lee. We're going deep. If you don't get an anxiety attack in your sleep,

you ain't sleeping right. You know what I'm saying? There you go. Like a doctor and shit, don't drop it. So you want one? Anybody? You want one? Do you want one?

I want to see the devil? I understand. I ain't going to force you to see the old Diablo. Listen, we'll be back Wednesday. I don't know what fucking time. We'll let you know on Twitter. We'll let you know. Again, I want to thank Seekkeek, Clubb, and on it. I want to thank Lee.

I want to thank my boys from fucking Eureka. And I'll see you guys this weekend at the Denver Comedy Works. Or next Friday at the motherfucking Ice House 815. It's the no... Expectations tour. That's what I'm going to tell you, you motherfuckers. All right? So I either see you in Denver this weekend or next weekend at the Ice House as part of no expectations to them. Still working things out. So be there or be square, cocksuckers. Thank you for listening to have a great night. Be safe. See you motherfuckers Wednesday. Stay black.

This show was brought to you by Seat Geek. Seat Geek is always the first place to go when you're looking to buy tickets to a game or a concert. Download the Seat Geek app right now. Now, and when you download the Seatgeek app, go to Settings tab, click add a promo code, and enter promo code church, and Seatgeek will send you $20 after you've made your first ticket purchase. So download the Seatgeek app and enter promo code church today. This show is also brought to you by ClubW. Go to clubw.com slash Joey right now to get $20 off of your first order, and ClubW knows that

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