The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #406 - Jake Ellenberger

Episode Date: August 18, 2016

Jake Ellenberger, UFC Welterweight and former Marine, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio! This podcast is brought to you by:   Texture. Go To texture.com/JOEY to get a free trial for the Texture App. The Texture App gives the use access to hundreds of magazines    Datsusara: Go to DSgear.com and check out all of their great products, like gi's and rash guards, that are made with high quality hemp textiles. Use code Joey to get 5% off of your order.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 08/17/2016.


This show is brought to you by texture. Texture app lets you tap into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere, using your smartphone or tablet. And the best part, texture is offering our listeners a free trial. Right now when you go to texture.com slash joey. That's right, go to texture.com slash joey right now and start binge reading for free. That's texture.com slash joey. Show is also brought to you by Datsusara. Go to DSgear.com to get 5% off all of their extremely high quality functional gear for Jiu-Ditsu that's made with hemp textiles.

They have bags, skis, rashguards, t-shirts, and more, DSGear.com to get 5% off. Show is also brought to you by Onit.com. Go to Onet.com and use corporate church to save 10% on all their amazing optimization products like AlphaBrain New Mood, ShumTecMune, and ShumTex Sport. Oh shit. August 17. 2016. The devil was buried today. At sea, lit on fire, dragged. He joined Dices. Then they stabbed him again.

The church of what's happening now. What's up, Lee? You're still getting flashbacks. I'm sure. I'm still fired. I saw that. I really saw that. The music is bringing me back, is what it is. Here we go, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, shit. It's Wednesday. day, bitches. Hi, doing, Lee. I'm back.

I'm back into the world of reality. My main man, Jake Allenberg, is in the house. Fucking my champion. My true champion and shit. The type of shit I like. Lee, tell them what happened. You know that? Just Jake don't know what happened.

Well, Jake, I, I took some, allegedly took some ass at the other night. Allegedly. someone, someone said maybe that happened. And it's just, I don't know how much I took. That might be a question for Joey. Because here's the thing. There's a lot in this that I don't know. Like, I don't want to call it blacking out,

but it was just the trip that I was on was not here. It was like I was vibrating. I was shaking. And I just, and what really set it off was the music. Like, I'm not even a music person. Joey really knows that. But, like, just, I don't know if you've ever done it. You obviously can't do it right now.

You saw it as listening. But the music. I did it last weekend. You did? No. Okay. But the mute, yeah, it's, it was just, and it wasn't, like, a bad thing. Like, it was this, I've heard of bad trips before, but that wasn't that.

Like, I didn't, I wasn't freaking out during it. No. You just kept asking if you were in the hospital. Mine in the hospital. He would get, like, talk to me for a little while, and he would go. Mind the hospital. What hospital? What hospital looks like this?

What hospital was there a picture of Led Zeppelin on the fucking walk? Put me in that goddamn hospital. I didn't see anything. I vividly remember, like, as I was coming out of it, half of the room I could see as, like, the real world, the other half was still swirly in colors. I was like, oh, shit, this is. And then you kept telling me the cops are here,

and he'd be like, the cops are coming, because I would go in and out of, I don't think, consciousness, but like, like, understanding where reality was and we'd be talking, and he would just look up and be like, cops. Like, close the door, the cops are coming. And then, like,

there's sirens near here. There's sirens all night. He would look at me and go, the cops coming. I thought he called the cops on me. Why would I fucking call the cops on you? My crime, stop. I would never call the cops on. I didn't think, I didn't think to arrest me, but to, like, bring me to the hospital. You should turn that music on from the show cops.

What's going on, my brother? Not much, man. It's good to be here. good that uh you know i mean i've known you a long time i've known you i was telling lee that you know years ago you were coming to comedy shows in irvine yeah look at jake likes comedy and stuff and then somebody said somebody else told me they saw you at a comedy show i'm like wow these ufc guys love comedy and stuff because a lot of guys come up to shows i saw jake uh what's his name last week at denver they were all there for the tournament so i saw jake shields there and a lot of the guys from one of the schools came

Einstein was there from 10 planet so I saw a lot of guys so you know the worlds are similar like I was telling you get beat up the first two years the first three years of comedy it's just like it's just like signing up for fucking abuse yeah it really is you know and you go to these bars I was telling somebody

yesterday about a bar in New York your old triple in I used to go there you could smell the comedy in the air like it was that old that old funk that you'd walk in people smoking cigarettes you could smell dried beer and puke. That's comedy, you know, when you go to a nice comedy club now, you're like, this is nice.

The comedy comes away, you go like at midnight. Right. And you sit there until two, have a few drinks, people stroll in, you know, it's weird. I'm surprised more athletes in, like, I guess, for lack of a better term, celebrities don't go to comedy shows because... Well, they get tortured. Well, they do. They get tortured, but here's the thing.

Like, I always wonder why... Like we always say, like, when someone gets in trouble, when they're at a club or whatever, I'm like, why would you go to a club? A comedy club seems like sort of a safe place if you want to have a night out. You'll get maimed a little bit, but if you come in late, it seems like one of the safer options. It's not a bad time.

It really isn't. I never went to a comedy club before I got into comedy, ever. Like, never, never. I watched comedy on TV. I thought comics rehearsed in front of a mirror, and then some TV show called you and said, you have 10 minutes, He just went up there unprepared.

That's what I thought. Really? Yeah, I didn't think that you prepared. I didn't know what the fuck. After I dealt into it more, I was like, wow, this is what the fuck it is. Yeah. That's a world I know nothing about. You do, but you don't.

Right. But you don't. It's so weird because it's the same thing. It's got to put the work in. Right. You know, when I watch a fight, I was watching Nate Diaz against Michael Johnson. Johnson last night when I got home, it was on 1130. I'm like, how are these guys getting hit in the fucking head?

walking around. I get hit in the head. I'm thinking about Nebraska. I'm thinking about a bunch of shit, you know, because you're doing it for, you know, every goddamn day. You know how to fight a little, you know, when you just breathe, shake yourself off, get out of the guy's range, you just learn all these things. So comedy is basically the same

thing. It's what you put in. It's the time on the mat. That's it. That's it. That's it. Same thing with fucking comedy. Same thing. You won't learn how to wrestle? You know, it's so weird, like when you watch wrestling like WWE and you do those moves on your brother and you like it looks

that make it look so fucking easy on TV you know right well it was interesting Joey because when you before you were talking about how you're going to the advanced class now and you're getting beat up but you like it because it makes you better Jake you had a bunch of fights that might

not have gone your way but I was looking and you fought like seven or eight like champions people were fighting for champions like just as well you just spot Matt Brown, Stephen Thompson, Josh Codschick, Kevin Gasselm, Robbie Lawler, and Lori McDonald.

Yeah, there's no fucking, there's no bums in your fucking road. There's no bums in your road. That's a line up. Yeah. I mean, it's one of the nastiest divisions in the UFC. I mean, and it's one of those things, too, like, you know, it's such a small game of inches. I mean, you could have

a fucking great fight and make a mistake and not get your hand raised, you know. Same with like, you look like the, the Misha Holly home fight. It's like she was getting beat up and then she ends up, you know, finding a submission in her position and win in the world title. It's like, so it's really, it's just there's, the game is, it's separate by so many inches.

I mean, I look at some of the fights that, that I came up short and it was like, well, on my, you know, my mental scorecard, there was a lot of good things, good takeaways, but I can use that to move forward, you know, but it's like at the end of the day, I didn't get my hand raised, but shit, I made a lot of improvements, you know, moving forward. You rose to the occasion sometimes. It's so weird. For the jih Tjitza, like I said, I went up against that monster. And I did something I never did before.

Really? I did the knee shield. That's how I was controlling it with a knee shield. I'm like, oh my God, I've never done this before. Sometimes when you go up against the more elite guys, you work better. You know, you just perform better naturally. You know, it's so weird. It's like when I go to the comedy store and I go to a bar.

When I go to a commie store, I got to be on my P's and Q's because they're watching the best in the game. on their piece and cues. And you know what I think proves it? Your last three wins were all performance of the night. All the last three of his wins. So it must, like just for me, because I'm not a, I don't fight or I don't really know that, but I was just thinking of swinging a baseball bat.

When you put the donut on it, and it's heavier and you split, that's why you do it. So it must, when you go up against these people, now you're like, oh, shit, I'm fine. Now, I did not know anything about the UFC cutting you and you driving out there. I had heard that for the first time.

Yeah. That's true story. When I saw you at Higgins, were you with the UFC? Yeah, I still was. Yeah, it was one of those weird things. Like, they didn't even, I didn't have a conversation with Dana or Joe until like eight, ten weeks after the fight. And then it just kind of, Joe had called my manager. So I was, you know, I'm fortunate to have a good relationship with Dana.

So I was like, hey, you know, can I talk to you? And he's like, sure, of course. You know, so he's always been like open door kind of with me. So I flew out to Vegas and was like, you know, listen, I know I've had some rough fights, some that didn't go my way. But, you know, this is not how the fucking story ends. This is not how I'm going to end this. So I said, give me, give me one more shot. And he's like, all right.

You know, he, you know, I told him that I wasn't, you know, I don't care who. I was like, I don't care who it is. Give me one more shot. And I'll prove to you. And he did. So I was fortunate enough to have a relationship with Dana where he gave me another shot. But that's a true story. And how long have you been like Kings for now?

I've been back there at least the last year. Because I started training. When I met you, where were you, 10 years ago? What camp were you in? Because you were here. Yeah. I probably just started training. Munoz had a gym down in Orange County.

Mark Munoz. That's right. It was right when he opened his gym. And I was training a little bit with, with Hafeel at Kings. So it was kind of, but more so at rain. So that was kind of my first taste of Kings. But there wasn't very many guys, you know, like very limited. And it's like, you see it now.

And it's like there's fucking so many killers in there now. But yeah, it took a while for them to kind of build that, you know, build the fighters. But, yeah, Cordero is an amazing trainer, though. He's always been good. So it's, it's been a run, man. ups and downs, but... You got a great smile on your face, man. You're happy.

This was... When you got to call it, it was Matt Brown. And you go, what the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? I asked for a second chance. Doesn't Denisiva have a cousin? Doesn't Dennis Eva have a cousin in Germany?

About 15? That they could send over here for me. What the fuck? Right. Yeah, no. And... That's... That Brown's tougher than death.

You know? Yeah, it was like... I mean, it's kind of... one of those is like I'm all in we're playing fucking poker I'm all in. I'm either gonna fucking destroy him or he's gonna beat me but it was one of those again my backs against the wall

and we have no leverage it's like this is who you're fighting like fuck it all right let's do it so but yeah I'm like he's he's a fucking he's a tough guy he's one of the toughest guys in the in the game and so it was kind of like all or nothing you know this is what it is fucking tremendous

tremendous I don't know where I was weekend I'm gonna go what because I'm gonna throw a deuce on it I would have thrown a do son it just to wish you good luck is it you're a sweetheart of a guy I know he's gotta go for it he's gotta fucking go for and you fucking went for it like I you know that's the first thing ESPN put on like I don't know who was the headline the fight it was a co-headliner who was headline in your card that card that you went oh all that would yeah nobody went everybody went to this

let me tell you what happens this is a great buy I saw you throw the kick on my Jesus fuck Christ look at Jake Allenberger Oh man It was one of those Like in my I was focused You know

There's so much shit you gotta deal with And And Like especially with fight week All this All the media But I mean like For me it was kind of like

I'm not here to fucking Have a conversation with anybody To shake a hand Take a picture I could They can all go to You know They can all wait

Until after the fight I was like I'm here for one One fucking reason And that's to to destroy Matt Brown. So again, it was just focus, was like hyper-focused more than any, than more than I've been for any other fights.

So it was like walking out, you know, not, I wasn't paying attention to, no, nobody in the crowd, nothing didn't, didn't matter. It was like Matt Brown. And it was interesting because, um, I, nobody actually, I haven't told anybody this, but when he walked out, I was out, I came out first. And when he walked out, he looked at me and then he looked down. And I was like, I got him. I was like, I'm going to fucking.

I don't know, it was just one of those, it was kind of one of those reinforcing, like, my confidence is high, but I'm just going to attack him. And he did it again when Bruce introduced him. You know, he looked up, and then he looked at me, and then he looked down. And I was like, he, he, you could tell he was nervous. So I was like, for me, I knew I was like, I'm just going to be offensive, just attack. That's the way I, you know, that's the way I got to be. I think I've gotten trouble in the past when I get a little conservative. You know, start thinking too much, get fucking in my own head.

And that's not the time to think, man. It's just go execute. Sometimes I'm watching the fight to be anybody, and I'm watching. You know, I'm a student of the head. I love the psychology of everything. You know, they're in bad blood the other day. They asked Connor McGregor about his head skills, and he loves torturing people and shit.

But that backfires on. You know, when you piss on the fence, when you piss on somebody's leg, They call it. I grew up, you know, pissing on somebody's leg. It could come back and backfire on you. I came from the old school of the psychological. You know, it's like when I first went to Jiu-Jitsu, I used to get anxiety, Jake, just tons of anxiety.

And I've had somebody on top of me like that. Are you fucking kidding me? Right. Are you fucking kidding me? This is fucking brutal. This is brutal. You want me to do what? Look over my shoulder?

Are you fucking retarded? I ain't looking nowhere. I'm looking straight fucking head. I see stars. I see stars and fucking. Eddie Chemtrails. No chem trails. Eddie Bravo talks about shit.

Yeah. You know, and then you watch, you know, whenever two guys are squaring off, I'm zeroing in on what the fuck are they thinking about. I'd be pissing my pants at this fucking point. I'd be pissing my pants just going around in circles and fucking around. I'd just go, I can't take this no more.

I can't stop breathing. So the psychological of it, like, I always say I don't like to predict a fight till the way in. I love all that shit. You know, when Anderson Silver came out and put the mask on against Vito, he was done. Vito went upstairs and just put an ice pack on and shook it. You know, that's where it starts right there. The words are one thing, but there's little things that you see.

Let me tell you why I bet Diaz last time. The way in. When he went like this, Conner Flinch, and it was a little too extra of a flinch. Gotcha. Over. Game over. I went. I did the comedy show, and my logic was the fucking weigh-in and jujitsu.

that style of Jiu-Jitsu, that deep, when they're that good, that high level, that's too much. That's too much. I didn't know about it until I went to J-Jitsu, and I would get on top of a fucking 120-pound woman that's a brown belt with four stripes on it. And just give her a minute. Right. Just give her a minute. She used to say, go.

Put your shoulder into me, Chubby. Watch this. And next thing you know, she's grabbing my jeans and picking her leg up and throwing me over. And I go, once you're doing it that long, it becomes muscle memory. It's over. And if you watch how he submitted him, he sliced a bop-boop. It was like, what do they teach you that? The third week?

Yeah. They teach you that the third fucking week. You know, that knee slice you learn later on. But if I had never gone into a jihitist's studio, I wouldn't have known that. Right. I wouldn't have known that. Once you get to that brown, black belt level, it's a complete different fucking game. Different world.

It's a different fucking world. Yeah, we were talking about Benio Darouche. and the first like I'm much bigger than him but like the first time we sparred I you know I kind of beat him up a little bit on the feet I take him down I take him down and boom

triangles me I'm like all right we go again like this is the same round take him down again fucking guillotines me like simits me like four times in the fur in one round and I'm fucking I'm so pissed

I'm so mad and I don't know who this guy is he looks like a guy off the street you know and then I then I come to see like I know he's a homo black belt he's a you know world champion 80CC world champion like okay this but like that's the you know I'm I'm I'm decent I'm not a

a jihitsu like extraordinary but I'm pretty familiar with like most positions and but that that's sure I just I was like it humbled me I was like these guys are fucking a different this is a different world different fucking world crazy different world I and I wouldn't have known you know I like the UFC I like MMA but I gotta tell you something when I watched Joe Lose on on YouTube doing that crazy shit he does. I was like, I got to try this. I don't give a

fuck if I'm 350 pounds. I got to try this. This is tremendous. This is, you take a punch to the face, you learn how to take a halfway decent punch. The guy's momentum lands on top of you and next thing you know you're breaking his fucking elbow. He's in surgery getting his elbow done. Yeah.

The momentum, everything's against him. He's getting his elbow done. He's watching his hand on the floor, waving at him from the fucking table. How are you? Good to see you. You shit in the fucking made that mistake. Bye-bye to yourself. Bye-bye to yourself.

Yeah, it's that's why. And I believe in that psychological little, little things that you see, you don't look. I remember being a kid and watching,

when I graduated high school, you weren't even born yet. Cooney fought Larry Holmes. He wouldn't look at the Great White Hope. All the white Irish people my neighbor were marching, fucking were taking it back. And next thing you know,

he wouldn't look at fucking Larry Holmes. He's just looking at the, and everybody in the room was like, it's over, we lost our money around. Oh, shit. He won't look at it. That's it. It's all those little fucking things. You know, and this is the king of them.

And this is the king of them because they're subtle. Right. He doesn't talk. He doesn't do anything. They're just very subtle. He would just mess with you. He would hugger.

Even if he'd hug you'd invite you into a barbecue, you'll leave him and go, what the fuck just happened? I'm about to fight him tomorrow. They invite him into a barbecue. Yeah. The thing that's weird for me with, like, I don't know if you watch the embedded stuff, I like it.

I think it's really interesting. I like a wall. I like a little. But the weird thing for me for this one is, like, I, we've talked about how the Diaz brothers, like, do, like, triathlons and they go running all the time. For Connors camp, he has, like, this mansion, and he has, like, this ring put in, and they brought press in. And he was doing this drill where he was getting punched in the stomach. Is that a normal drill?

And just screaming? Yeah. That's a normal thing to do. Like I just seemed like, it seemed like he was doing like theatrical stuff. This thing pretty cool. And Nate Diaz was just running for like 12 hours at like the 24 hour fitness. He just went there for like 12 hours and just stayed on the treadmill until it like broke. But anyway, like that was the one thing to me.

It would just seem like a little bit too much. A little showy. Yeah, but that's also his persona. So he's great. Like it's not that it obviously works for him. But yeah. That's why I think people, some people like Dia. more. Jake, what's a training camp

consistent? Let's say I'm fighting at the garden. What's the date at the garden? Just November right. Yeah, just, I'm just talking here hypothetically. Just hypothetically. Well, you know, it's, there's a lot of moving parts. Right, this is why I just, even the people at home, I just always wanted to ask somebody

you're cool as hell, we could just talk. Yeah. What is it? Oh, okay. Let's pretend it's like November 21st or something, because I know the plane ticket's a fucking high. I looked already for that fucking week, 17, 1,100. What the fuck to go to New York? November 12th.

All right, November 12th. It's what, August 17th. So we basically got 90 days, right? We got 120 days. Let's say they call you with the fight. You can fight November 12th. When this training camp usually start? Yeah, this last fight with Brown,

I trained for 15 weeks. But I had about six weeks, like, I wanted to get, like, a good six weeks at training before I even scheduled anything to kind of get it. I was, you know, just getting back in routine. And, but, yeah, I would say, like, typically 10 weeks is a good amount of time for, from strategy, from, like, training in all the aspects. But, yeah, like, like Monday through Friday is a typical, a typical week and something extra Saturday. But, yeah, each fight is, it's so different, too, because, yeah. With the opponent, you know, you're trying to get guys that mimic that style or, you know, like with brownies like 6-1 or 6-2, like fucking tall. And that's not very common at 170.

So, you know, I had to find some guys that raise high, you know, spot with those kind of guys. So there's a little bit of homework to do before we even get into that 8, 10 weeks of training. But it's a lot. I mean, for me specifically, I like to do, you know, I'd say at least 12 weeks of training. Some people can do six or eight But I feel I felt better than more You know I can bring my weight down a little bit more Get a little bit more of a routine as far as like running and that kind of stuff

Before we go into like the high intensity What do you walk around that Usually About 190, 190, 195 around there But when I still look light now Yeah shit I'm probably 200 right now Wow you look fucking light Like damn 200

I better never get robbed because I can't describe the guy's fucking weight. I'm terrible weight. I think you're 180. Yeah, no. I mean, it's deceptive, though, because I'm a lean, I'm a lean guy. But, like, yeah, when I'm training, I try to stay around 185, about 15 over. But, you know, it's like, it takes a little bit of time to get there, you know,

before we get into that, like, high intensity. Because, yeah, so if I can do, like, eight, six to eight weeks of, like, the aerobic training where we do, like, the lower heart rate, 150 area for, like, 45 minutes, you know, three times a week. Like so for me I kind of build the low base and then like the probably for the last six weeks for like high intensity sprints. Like we do the, I work with Nick Carson and he's in he's in Torrance and fuck that guy's changed the game for me. I mean, I never. Is he that good?

No, he worked under the guy from Oakland. Yeah, but his son was the corner of a Gronovich. Right. Right. And so I was just, for me, I was just watching some of the stuff that he did with like the, the balance, you know, manipulation and the foot, the feet work. And so I was like, yeah, this is interesting. So I kind of was just watching videos online and was like, this guy, you know, he seems

pretty, pretty smart and did a lot of pool workouts, you know. So I was like, you know, I'm getting older. I'm not, I'm not 20 anymore. These fucking guys coming up here training in MMA when they're like 12, you know. But I liked his approach as far as what he did. So I went down and met him and we started doing a little bit of stuff, kind of got to know him and I was getting stronger and noticeably faster you know like he talks about building the kinesthetic

awareness like being able to train your nervous system if that makes sense and uh I could see a noticeable difference like within a couple of weeks so I was like wow this this is great and so his like the way he his you know the periodization we would do these fucking I would watch uh... half field los anjanoes do these 110 yards sprints on the football field and I'm like I've never done a hundred ten yards sprint 110 yards 110 and I I grew up playing football

I played every sport I've never I've never ran 110 years for nothing So yeah For the first time I ran I was I was fucking toast And inside of a round I was like

And it was the different world I was like this is crazy I mean They know them going to the track Three days a week And doing this high intensity But you know you gotta build your way To get to there And plus for me

It would be like going to you know, day one in Jiu-Jitsu, it's like, you're not going to start doing these, you know, flying triangle, flying arm bar day one. It's like, yeah, there's some progression there. But yeah, Nick, he fucking, he really kind of changed my approach to training and especially in conditioning. So, but it's all the fast which, but he was, he was big on building the foot strength, you know, and just a, just a smart guy, you know, and he's been doing it 18 years, you know, and a lot of,

a lot of guys didn't, don't know his story. but if you look at his athletes like you can see the transformation like with dosanios he's worked with him for like three years now and i mean i saw him because he was like you know he was a good fighter and he went to fucking great fighter now he became the champ and i was like well he's doing something right you know so it made me more curious on uh on his training approach it's so weird how much goes in that the the public doesn't know or even understand you know how much work goes in uh It's fucking crazy. I can't even think of a recovery. Like it's five days, two, three different things a day. You know, in football, you do two weeks or two a days. In 90-degree weather, you run up a few hills.

After the two weeks is over, that's it. It's three to five. That's it. This is fucking crazy. Now, when do you, when do most people start to wake up? You know, I would say probably six weeks, six weeks from the fight. at least, you know, addressing because, well, you know, a lot of guys, I think that's kind of that the whole, the weight difference.

That's kind of changed a little bit, I think, in the last year more so, because, you know, with people thinking being heavier, you'd get it, get it having advantage, but, you know, strength plays such a little part these days. It's like speed and endurance are obviously the biggest things. I think, you know, in my opinion, I think GSP kind of changed the game, the way, you know, you saw him, him doing his track workouts, him doing everything. But it was all like had to come down to endurance because like, okay, guys, even if they could keep keep up with him for a round, you know, by the third round,

you're, you're toast. He's going to, he's going to do what he wants. So, you know, I think the evolution of the sports change and now guys becoming fucking faster and quicker and having better, you know, better, better coordination and and just, you know, coming down to endurance, I mean, you look at the, the, the McGregor, the first fight with, with Diaz, and he, he was doing good, doing work in the first round and gets, gets tired, and that's like, you know, that, that's a different weight class, and, and it shows you the endurance, you know, Diaz, those guys are known for their endurance, and I think it's, it is,

it's a huge, you know, that's one thing, even going into the Matt Brown fight, it's like, well, shit, they're like, if you heard him, you know, don't, don't sit here and sprint for, for a minute trying to finish him because he's, you know, you know how tough he is. And he's, like, he's known for holding on for hanging in there and catching up and ended up getting, you know, getting guys in the later round. But, you know, for me, I mean, that was, that was approach I kind of took. They're like, because they're like, we know you're probably going to hurt him. Like, this is Haffield Cordero. Like, you're going to hurt him, but don't waste all of your fucking energy trying to try to, just try to finish him because he'll come back.

So it's kind of, I had to be a little more, take a step back, be a little more intelligent on, I'm, on that fight. Now, before these fights, you train every discipline like Muay Thai, jih Tzu, you wrestle a few days a week, you know, you spa a few days a week. You pretty basically, I mean, that's what's always fucking me. Like you have so many different disciplines to draw. Some people train with the geese. Some people say, hang on train with a fucking ghee.

There ain't nobody in the MFA with a geek, you know. Everybody has different fucking things, and that's what I respect. I respect the hard work, you know, just the strength and conditioning fucking how it would kill me three days a week. Never mind boxing and fucking jumping on boxes, you know. And then you diet and it's just. And it's not just strength and conditioning. It's like going full out because you're like, you can't like half ass. That's not the reason.

And the whole time you've got to be careful that you don't get hurt. Yeah. Did you see fucking Saroni doing that wave Warner thing? I'm like, he's going to fucking kill himself before us. But I had a question What's the best part about a training camp? Because like obviously like I'm going to suck At least part of it must be tough

But like what's the best part? Honestly, I look forward to going to sleep Like it seriously is as fucking As stupid as that sounds Like I really look forward to like a good night's sleep Because like that's where you You get a good night's sleep That's where you recover

I mean And fuck I mean The worst like The worst part I mean, you know, the skills and stuff is fun. I like wrestling jiu-jitsu. It's like it's enjoyable. But like when you start doing the track workouts and the conditioning,

that's like the fucking most unenjoyable part. And, you know, sparring is usually fun too. So it's like you can find some enjoyment in most of it. But you get so, you know, your body, it's so fucking taxing you. I literally look forward to going to sleep. I don't blame me. I look forward to going to sleep and I don't do all that stuff. But it's, do you ever,

Like, what is it? I'm, and I apologize. I just don't, I haven't followed your, I haven't only followed the UFC for a few years. Have you, did you ever have to pull out of a fight for, before, for an injury at the end of a training camp? I did one time. What is that like? That must suck. Yeah, it was, you know, it's just one of those things.

It is what it is, you know, it's, you don't plan ever to get hurt, but shit happens. I mean, I actually, uh, had a tore my hamstring. Yeah. Yeah, it was one of those weird fucking things. I just, like, slipped weird. and like like I you know it was after training so the fucking mats completely covered and this was at Kings and uh I had slipped weird and like felt a little pop and I knew it just it felt weird and I was like I get this checked out and like yeah you got a partial tear in your semi-memberosis and I was like oh fuck

I don't know what that is but all right that doesn't sound good it is uh how long have you been in the U of C 10 it's amazing how long you've been in the league like 2009 Wow. It was my first fight against Carlos Condit. No shit. Yeah. And it was one of those things, too. It was a two, like, two week notice fight.

And again, one of those, I got nothing to lose. The fuck, yeah. And he had, they had just, the UFC just acquired the WEC. And Condit came into the UFC and he lost his first fight by like split decision to Martin Kampman. And so then his next fight was. Chris Lytle, he got hurt. And so then my manager's like, hey, do you want to take this fight?

Of course. So I was basically brought in to be the guy to get beat up or give Carlos Conner to win, you know. And it ended up being like one of the top, top 30 best fights of all time. And we had a fucking, like I dropped him like three different times. It was a good fight. I mean, I definitely got tired. Like between this, I've never been so tired between. I had, you know, two weeks of training, but between,

the second and the third round, I was fucking, I remember exactly how I felt. I was like, I don't know how the fuck. I don't know how I'm going to finish this, this fight. I don't know how I'm going to, I can barely breathe. It felt like I was breathing through a fucking coffee stir. I was like, I couldn't even see, but I was, I'd get, you know, I'd get given the first round, giving him hell, and the second round was close and then the third round, he definitely won. But again, one of those things that was like nothing to lose. Let's do it. but if you haven't seen that you should you should go back and watch it the first round is

it's a crazy first round I kind of sort of remember it I kind of sort of remember because I remember when he came in against Kampman on a Wednesday night it was like a special fight night and then when he fought again he you know that's

like I said you've had some fucking brawls man and you know listen here's the beauty about the UFC he's the beauty about comedy here's the beauty about if you're the fucking tuba here's the beauty about if you play the fucking guitar in a band you know they were supposed to cancel signfeld after the first year sometimes man it takes some people a little longer to catch on than others nothing wrong with that Nate's been lurking for fucking right for nine years Nate was lurking and watch Michael johnson Connor and now he's

walking around with his fucking dick out and they give him checks swinging his dick yes swinging his dick And it's like I always say, just keep showing up. Right. There's going to be fucking bad ones and there's going to be good. Every time I go on stage, it's a fucking masterpiece. It's a disaster. It's a disaster five out of ten fucking times. But I know that going in.

But every once in a while, the sound system's great. Mama sucked your dick. She gave you a nice steak. The hotel's good. The weather's nice. You saw some good friends. And all the stars get aligned, man. And once the stars get aligned, you've done your training.

You already popped your elbow. You already got knocked out. You already got submitted. You already done it all. So now you look at yourself in the mirror. One thing, you know, I got three good fucking years. I want to fucking mope around the unemployment line. Well, I want to spit slap motherfuckers and get what's coming to me.

I've been doing this for 10 fucking years. Exactly. And that's what happens. And one day it all comes fucking together. And, you know, and that's what it looked like for me, for you. I saw you those three fights. And I remember like that third fight when you lost, you looked a little. like you couldn't even believe

what was going on in your life, but you found the fucking home, man. You found the home down there, you got back in your stride, all the stars were aligned and there's Matt Brown, and the next one and the next one after that, wherever they lined up against you. Because you found the home, you have a fucking home, you're not a fucking orphan no more.

Hanging on Glendale and fucking driving to Redondo Beach and then fucking hiking. I've got to learn Jitsu in Las Vegas. Listen, this is one-stop shopping. The least time you have, you know, you can do everything, Which you probably do, yeah, because Nick Kirsten's over at Kings pretty much, right? Yeah.

So all the only person that's got to show up is the acupunctures. That's the only other ride you got to get to, maybe to go freeze your fucking shoulder like Joe Rogan somewhere. That's it. You got one sub-shopping at Cordero. You know, they tape you there, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's, you found the home, man, and it's no looking back from there. That's it. Yeah.

You take your humps and your fucking bumps. A hooker sucks a thousand dicks, and all of a sudden one day, she's a madam. You know what I'm saying? She's running the joint now. She's missing a foot. You know what I'm saying? But she's running the joint. She's getting 10%.

She's got 30 chick sucking dick for her. You're so inspirational joy to everybody. Because the dog. I got a drop it like it is. Even hookers. People are at home going joy, but I'm a hooker. Well, let me tell you what happens to you. All right.

Next thing you know, you end up in North Hollywood, a little Chinese massage parlor. It's got tape on your eyes like the fucking Mexican is their fucking Benihana. You ever go to Benihana? There's no more Japanese people left. They're better chip. I don't want to do it no more. I don't want to work at Beniana, Mom.

I want to be a math major. Un-fucking believable. I sat in a hotel. I sat in a hospital for two fucking days. Tubes up my nose. I got a cloudy fucking nose again. I suffered for four weeks. Everything was working out.

Now I'm back to being stuffed up again. Two fucking straws. They put up my nose with stitches. Oh, yeah. Jesus Christ. I've gotten a septoplastia. My fucking worst operation ever.

They put the straw up there. Yeah, like the plastic tubes they sew in there. Yeah, they sew it in there for the lover Christ. I was miserable for like two months. Really? Yeah. I've been okay. I've been breathing.

I mean, it's not as bad as it was. I'm breathing. I'm not fucking, I'm getting that black gas out of me. That's the killer. You don't say? You don't breathe. That's what happened, dog. For years, I wouldn't fucking exhale.

I'd just be grasping. So that black ass just, sits in your stomach nothing fucking moves you get stuck you need to see the acupunctrists and that's it I was listening to when you had Dr. Belize right yeah yeah yeah she's fucking awesome now did you go see

her also no I haven't I got the book like I want to I want to reach out to her but I heard her on your show both a couple of times and she seems great though you know man she's she's on to something she really is on to something there's something about it because I asked a couple of

jihitu guys like Einstein the other day And I say, goes, guess what I do now? She goes, he goes, I do the exercises at the end of my workout. And I get back on the mat. It's amazing. It clears everything. She has different breathing for different things, you know, in the book. She's really interesting.

She's on to something. Right. She's armed to something, you know. It's, you know, you have to pull from everywhere, especially when you're a profession like yourself. You have to read from everywhere. You don't know. One little thing might help you more than anything.

Yeah. That whole world's fascinating to me. And it's growing. Look what you said about. Listen, it's not no more fucking jump on the table 10 times. Do 10 behind the neck presses at 185, push that. They got it down on a fucking science now. These kids are going to school. Now they go to work for somebody else who's got a different science. So they mix the science.

You're like fucking Bruce Lee. You put together your own health G-Cundo. They know everything. Right. You know, over at Alberta's, they got that technical fitness. Same fucking thing. Yeah. You know, your hips, your arms, you swing them around with a fucking bat.

When I first got to Alberta was I couldn't put my arms up. I take the bat, I swing it around your fucking head and back and forth. And they say it's the smart, we're growing now. That's it. Jumping. Jack Willane's dead. It's over. No more fucking jumping jacks.

We're on to new fucking things. That's it. This is the future, man. They put fucking heart monitors on you. They put stuff, you know, it wasn't a junior taking blood after every, fucking work out and they could see what's in your blood with the oxygen right well the different levels bit well how do you decide what to what what to do because there's so many options like try everything but well some of them must be crazy some of it must like be bad for you like how do you

how do you filter all that stuff yeah i mean like you know it's experiment try it out just what you do you just try everything well you know credible credible source i guess but uh i had a buddy who's a professor down at Cal State Fullerton and he uh I would talk to him about just different aerobic like how to how do I train smarter breathe better like because that whole breathing game was fucking foreign to me it's like trying to learn Chinese like but he's like when you're you know you see these runners and they exhale they work on the their focus on their exhale because he was like the faster you can push the carbon out you know the it's not about the inhale it's about the exhale and I was it I was like what like how the fuck and I just find this out right now

But it was fascinating. So which when I listened to Dr. Belize, I was like, man, she, you know, I got her book and then read the book. And I was like, this is, this is fucking great. Like, I want to learn more. You know, it can only help. Dr. Belize, you know where I saw you at Higgins? They teach the stem of that. Okay.

And that guy will change your breathing around. He's like Dr. Belize. It would be interesting to get all three of them together. And then there's somebody else that does something with that. it's police, systema, and there's somebody else. Like what Hickson talked about,

his documentary, is that, what's that style of yoga? I forget what it is. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. That one, the breath of fire, they have it on Santa Monica, Denny Pructopus goes there.

Like, Denny does a lot of yoga, but a lot of breathing for his jiu-jitsu, and he mixes it with kettlebells, and then he does jiu-sit-s. That works for him. Right. You know, the breathing. But, oh, and tactical fitness.

see what they talk about is the exhale focus on the exhale the exhale because the more you push the exhale out the cleaner air go in so that's what they always talk about so yeah it's that even that you know for 2,000 years there we go you know god knows how much that's fucking changed who was it a couple weeks ago every time chief oh holly homes right ah yeah yeah he he i know i know there's something to it though yeah this whatever works serena williams has been doing it for years well she's black she's been yelling

everybody for fucking years you know what I'm saying she just hits the fuck you fucking cock suck take that you fuck yeah no word on you so you're still training now are you are you uh what do they say

suspended for 60 days no medically suspended I'm sorry yeah not suspend not I mean they usually for like 10 days or something but uh yeah I've been kind of a couple days a week. Not nothing. I was traveling. I was in Omaha for a couple weeks.

And then. But yeah, getting back into it. You know, a couple days a week. Take a few days off if you need it. But yeah, next week I'll start training. I got a few buddies in mine fighting. Actually, Benile Darush and they're both fighting in Mexico City. So they're getting ready for that.

So, you know, there's that fight. October, November, something like in Mexico City, you know, the elevation. Who's D'O Sanios fighting down there? Tony Ferguson. Oh, my God. That's going to be a fight. That's a good one. All those 155s get me fucking crazy.

That one 50s, another hellhole of that division's fucking insane. 155 and 170. You're minglingling in some weird waters there. Right. You know, 1.45, you got Al-Doh, you got the other guy, you got the blonde guy, you got a couple guys. But 155, those first five guys, if they ever got together. Like those five guys just said fucking fuck this UFC shit

We're just gonna go from town to town and beat people the fuck up It would be monstrous like you know The Russian with the fucking hat would throw you out a window Once you landed fucking the Brazilian would be kicking you like a soccer ball Then they'll just get Alvarez to come over and head by you and hit you with an elbow I mean that fucking 155 is crazy insane even that other that other I tell you what's another good fight that's coming up Michael Johnson against

Dustin Porrier That's a good fight That's a good fucking fight right there My friends I like those kind of That's what I like I can't take those big fucking things No more than everybody's testing

Nobody knows what's going on That's the kiss of death Those top two They're always in trouble Right You want to be like the second fight on the card Get a check, go home Yeah

Right What's it While they're fighting By the fucking main card That's it They already pissed you in a bottle. You're fucking up in the stands, doing heroin, drinking whiskey, fucking yelling and screaming and fucking what's his name?

What's the guy in the middle with a tuxedo? Jimmy. Bruce Buffer. Yeah, that's the card. I would never want to fight. Now, listen. Listen, Dana, I want the second fight. I got shit to do.

I got to get my dick sucked. I got to mingle through the crowd. I get a nut. Look, listen, you fight the second card. You knock a motherfucker out. You just get a tuxedo with no pants. You just walk through fucking the arena after that. You know what I'm saying?

Yumms for a week. I would always, I would always, I'm like, put me first. I'll be first. Yeah. And I'm at 2 o'clock. Oh, my God. If I had to wait there all night to fight somebody, I'd have a nervous breakdown. Like 9.45, I got a fight.

I've been up since 615. You know what that's like? Oh, fuck. I've been up since 615 in the fucking morning. I got to fight a 9.45 at night. And then the heart attack by 4. That's a fucking nightmare. Listen, Dana.

You know what a car? you got for fucking Q4, that other channel, put me on that fucking fight. 2.30, no Rogan, no nobody. Just send somebody. I don't give a fuck. We'll do it on YouTube. Yeah, we'll do it on YouTube.

I don't need this. You know what? You don't have to film it. Fuck you. I got to wait until 10 to fight somebody. Are you fucking nuts? That's a dilemma I got now. Listen, when you're a young comic and you're

30 and somebody looks at you and goes, and you call in for spots at the comedy store, and they tell you on the phone, like nothing. Yeah, you're spot to 1245. Okay. 12.45, Tuesday, 12. 1 p.m. 1 a.m. Thursday.

And you're like, okay. You have no idea what that's like. That means you have to fill your schedule. That's what makes you a really good comic. Because now you're like, okay, I can sit at home with mama until midnight and bore myself to pieces. I could just start the night out of eight. Right. And go to a Mexican room down in fucking Orange County and then shoot up and do.

the ice house and pick up 75 bucks and then do the 1130 at the fucking laugh factory and then go to the comedy storm by that time they were running late so you got an hour away you talk to your buddies but you're gonna make a little money plus you did four or five sets i could never imagine like fucking fighting at 10 o'clock at night i'm either the second fight or maybe third if you throw me a little bonus day no way just throw me a little son cash right when i get off right there and the room waiting for me you'd have the 6 p.m. flight back to l. If you were the fighter, you'd be like, Dan, I have a 6 p.m. flight out of hell.

Oh, yeah, Dan. I'm going back to Burbank. Yeah, I'm on the Red Eye. The Burbank, 11-10. I can't be waiting around for press conferences. I'll call it in. Let me go home. Let me go home.

I don't want to sit here and sit across the street. I'll do 1.30. I'll do 1.30. Yeah, no, I don't know how they do that. Sometimes when I see that shit, I'm like, how do they do that all day? Some of those fights in Brazil, like, 2.30 in the morning. And I like, because when I fought in Atlanta, we didn't go out until 11th. My fight was like 1130 at night.

And so I was like, I bring a fucking pillow to locker room. I went to sleep when I got there. I was like, I'm not going to sit here and anxiety over fucking waiting. You know, it's like I went to sleep and then wake me up an hour before the fight and warm up. Wake me up before you go go. Wake me up before you go. There's no reason to have me here wasting time. The first time I did a movie.

You know, I moved to LA. I didn't know nothing about nothing. Nothing about, I didn't know none about movies. I watch movies. I pay. That's my favorite movie right there. Yeah, I want Josie Williams. Look at him. He's fucking beautiful.

It's fucking beautiful. Look at that savage. Where is he today? Fucking at Starbucks eating a fucking macachino. We don't even have an outlawed Josie Wales in 2016. 50 fucking years ago, we had an outlawed Josie Wales. Look at him. Kill him everybody.

Indians, white people. Mexicans, he didn't get a fucking. Nobody said nothing to him. Nobody tweeted. Ellen Janaris says one fucking black thing. Everybody gets mad. He's shooting every fucking nationality. Nobody just said,

The Clinies with nothing. How the fuck we get on that tour? It's so, that was what happening with Jiu-Jitsu at first. I'd go at 8 o'clock at night. 8 o'clock at night is not a good time for Uncle Joey, you know what I'm saying? By that time there's been a lot of chemicals,

a lot of refus smoke, my anxiety levels would be high, that food in my stomach. Every time I went to Jiu-Jitsu, I thought I was going to die. I finally went there and said, fuck it, there's an 11 a.m. class somewhere, and that gets it out of the way. a little anxiety about 945. I pop a little baby aspirin.

I drink a little fucking energy drink and I shoot down there like a fucking, like a guy in an electric chair. I'm going to die anyway. I might as well die in Alberto's fucking cage. That's the real truth. For the first year in Jiu-Jitsu, I would hug the cats. I would have a will.

You know what I'm saying? I thought I would be fucking panicking. I would be panicking, but that's what got my dick hard that for years I hadn't panicked. I hadn't panicked in years. We live in this fucking beautiful world. When I was 21, I used to panic every fucking night. I throw a window, throw a rock, and get chased, rob somebody's fucking coke.

You do something, your heart beats. My heart don't beat no more. So I kind of like that panic stage. You know, I hadn't panicked like that in a while. Now I get an old whip. By 1 o'clock, I ain't panicking. I'm ready to stab my motherfucker. You follow me?

Once I walk out of jihitsu, who's going to stop me? Who's going to stop me? What are you going to say to me? Pull over? What are you fucking crazy? I just got, I was on the bottom end of a fucking. triple choke. People ask me what my best submission is getting choked.

I'm going to get choked. I even told the guy yesterday when I'm American economy. He fucking choked me. I got bad shoulders. You got to do what you got to do. I got to imagine because fucking I love going to comedy shows, but there's got to be some fucking anxiety. Are you fucking anxiety is my middle name?

I wear underwear so I don't pee through my pants. Are you fucking kidding me? anxiety but see it's like controlled anxiety I can't imagine okay I can imagine sitting in the locker room

and watching the other fights and hitting the pads and giggling and shit I can digger that that's I'm tremendous at that that's my fucking world I can hit pads and crack jokes and Rocky Bob Bowers and everything that walk to the cage

would not be a good situation for me. Again, I watch you guys and I go, what would I feel like right now? And that's terror. That's terror. Once I'd touch that mat and I'd walk up those stairs instead of doing that little dance,

I'd just be breathing heavy. My breathing would be out of fucking control by that point. I'd be hyperventilating without even doing nothing. By the time he was searching me, by the time they're searching my underarms and all that shit, I'm fucking, I'm getting anxiety. They would even stop to, fight. They would sit me down and give me oxygen.

Because as the guy would be touching me, my heart would be beaten that much in my chest. I can't take that type of shit. Listen, I love smoking pot. And I don't mind having a fucking beer. Do you know why I don't have a beer when I go out and do comedy or bring weed with me? I don't do good when cops around me.

So to not have any nonsense, I don't drink and dry. Why take the chance? Were you drinking? Yes, a beer. I'm going to come out now on that line. I can't walk that line. Even if I'm straight, I'll fall apart. So now I got beef. Now I got beef because I can't handle that type of shit.

But I know that going in. You know what I'm saying? A lot of people, that's why I don't know how the hell you guys do it. I get anxiety. Not on the drive down to the comedy store. Not when I get out of the car. Not when I fucking get my water from the bartender and say some stupid remarks. Not when I, it's when I walk up the stairs to the comedy store.

that little three stairs three fucking stairs grown in three stairs by the time I get to that top stair the room drops it's like I got vertigo and I'm like oh shit we got a problem

and he's got the light that means he can get off at any fucking time I'm trying to catch my breath you mean to tell me I gotta walk 15 more steps to that stage I can't even stand I gotta go sit down

that's how bad the anxiety gets with me like that's how bad bad but once your foot touches that fucking stage and my hand touches that microphone it's like getting punched for a fighter

it has to be the same once I hit that microphone and I ask them what the fuck's up motherfuckers done anxiety's done it's that force four minutes that's hell it's hell Jake

what's your anxiety like how does it develop for you where is it Yeah, that's, I would say The walkout's always the worst Because everything It's funny because I'm surprised to hear you guys say that

That's not what I would have seen apocalypse now When they land the first time And the kids like, I don't want to go I don't want to go Remember that dog? Remember that he's like I don't want to go And then I get the fuck out there, Cog sucker That's me

I would hit the front thing And the fucking walk and I would go I don't want to go That's it or Darry will go without me that have to rip my adida what is it Nike that have to rip my shereebock they'd be ripping it come back Joey come back fuck you

you're fighting him get the fuck up so the walk yeah it's you know what it's funny because I've had 16 fights in the UFC and you think it would get easier but it doesn't and I mean you can deal with it like you just learn to deal

with it but the walk is always the same like I never have a problem going to the arena in the back room I fucking we crack jokes you know keep it light it's fucking you know the back I'm my buddy back there with turkey sandwiches talking about the eighth grade getting my dick suck behind the church look at me you're gonna knock him out Joey I'm a fucking bad motherfucker yeah I'm unstoppable I eat my carrots oh that I'm there that whole ego thing is me it's that fucking walk to the thing would kill me so I'm loving that you're

telling me this shit it's that that's it because I it's funny I I I I I been working with this he's a sports psychiatrist down in san diego and uh he's dog names dr lardin and he's fucking brilliant but he always talks about stay in your bubble you know what i mean and and i didn't really understand what that man like what does that even mean but he would be like you know you're here to do one thing you're not here to fucking be on twitter you know social media you're not here to do any of that bullshit like it's so easy to get caught up in that fucking you know that celebrity kind of bubble but he's like you're here for one reason that kind of help reinforce me.

But yeah, I don't get, I don't get, I don't get, I don't get anxiety in the back, you know, warming up, it's smooth,

it's cracking jokes, keeping it light. And it's only just from that, from the locker room to, in the octagon, that's, that's it. That's the only time

when you're like, your heart rate's high, you know, people are fucking screaming, you know, want to, want to throw chairs over there, you know,

but for me, it's just like, I'm not, I'm not looking at anybody. I'm not even looking at the fucking camera. I'm going in there. And it's, But that's really the only time, you know, once the fight starts, you're just moving.

You're already going. Just like when, you know, you grab the mic, it's like, that's fucking do it. Let's go. Okay. So once they search me, how's your anxiety when they search it? I check the mouthpiece. You hug your coaches. Right.

Right there, that last coach, I just hug on to him as hard as I can. I'd say, coach, I don't want to do this. Like, the coach don't make me do that. Like, I really would. I'd have to hear him say to me, Joe, you're going to be fine. You do. Come on. I know you since you're fucking eight.

You're going to be fine. You're going to be fine. You're a bum. You're going to do fine. Just cover your face. You know what I'm saying? Like I would know what to do. Once I walk up, what do I feel like?

Once I'm in my corner there, what do I feel like? I mean, it's definitely intense. But I feel like when I look at my coaches, it's like they look at me in the eye and it's confidence. You know what I mean? They're like, we're here because we fucking believe in you. You know what I mean? And it's just like, let's, you know, been here as far as preparation, we've done fucking 20 you know 2,900 fucking rounds so it's like we're doing three rounds you just got three rounds that's all it is so then you know it's it's and for me it's always been on my own worst enemy if I start thinking about this shit and this fucking and you know but like I said that when I started working with Dr. Larden he kind of cleared a lot of that overthinking over analyzing just that's that part of the brain that fucking too much he kind of kicked that out so it was just like keeping it

it simple, you know, and just staying in the bubble, I mean, but it's definitely little anxiety. I would say just on the walk, I'd probably be more like anxiety than when you stop. So once you stop, all right, fucking rip it off. You just want to, you know, some guys just run to the fucking octagon, rip their shit off. Let's just want to get to walk over. That would be the only way I could do it if I just ran to the fucking octagon, sprinted balls out to the octagon stopped and had him like when i go give blood that's my fucking hatred right

there but i've already figured out the way i looked the other way i put an ipot on i listen to santana the same fucking song and in a way i'm just giving me my arm like i just give him my arm and look the other way and i feel it a little bit this last time was fucked up they couldn't find the fucking veins so it hurt a little bit they had to stab me like four times but i hate all that shit like I can't deal with that stuff but I go to acupuncture because I don't want to overcome my fear that's a horrible fucking fear that I'm gonna fucking I would go to the doctor's office and dies and go around the corner say I didn't feel like getting a needle one time I went down and did the checkup and ran out before the blood test they were calling my house

they're like what the fuck happens you I don't like blood test man I gotta go get a shingle shot it's killing me because I know it's gonna hurt it's in the fucking shoulder that means I faint That means I faint. I could feel the serum going into my fucking arm. You understand me? That means I go down. You're thinking about a right hook. What's that?

You're thinking about throwing a right hook hit the nurse in the house? Oh, no, no. It's terrible. I hit my childhood doctor because I didn't like needles either. So I would always tell her to like tell me when she was getting like a countdown. She just tried to do it. So I smacked her and she stabbed herself with the needle. No, she did not.

Wow. Dr. Nathan. You know, you know what's actually even worse? Like, I've never liked needles, but you just fucking deal with it. But, like, my son, he just turned one. And I hate watching him get fucking vaccines. I don't go. I fucking hate it.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God, you get pissed at the doctor. You got to restrain yourself. Right. You can fucking stab me with a pool cube. Like watching my son, you know, you put him down and then they fucking poke him with a little needle. And then he starts, he looks at you.

Like, what the, why the fuck am I getting? You know what I mean? Like it's your fault and that's the word. That gives me anxiety. I'm getting anxiety. The worst you want to fucking feeling. You want him to give me mouth to mouth. I'm going to fuck up right now.

You really really want to assault the doctor? Huh? Like you'd freak out of the doctor. I've always, listen, I've just told the doctor's the truth. That I have a phobia. When I walk into a doctor's office and they check my blood pressure,

they go, what's going on with you? And they know, I got white coat fucking, whatever the fuck. And they give me 15 minutes. They talk to me. Then they come back.

I'm my blood pressure. I just don't like it. I just as I was a kid, I just don't fucking like it. This guy has been my doctor for 16 years, 17 years. So I started to like him about 10 years ago. He's great. He's a great guy, you know? So now I don't mind if he, the chicks that take the blood out,

I have a relationship with them. You know, how you doing? What's going on? How you been? How's your daughter? That type of shit. So I just give him the arm now, you know. But I couldn't even fucking.

Now, let me ask you one. last question about this fear shit wake up in the morning on the morning of fight night a little brutal in the morning that morning maybe three minutes of what the fuck in my to all of my life i'm fighting tonight not not so much i mean it's more uh yeah like i said i really don't have any any issues like any anxiety i should say until till you may still you tell you they're fucking all right ellenberger get on the x you know the cameras right there like until you do I really, it's all pretty manageable, but you know, everybody, everybody's different. I know guys that fucking, you can't even talk to you on the fight day.

Like, they'll fucking freak out or they'll be thrown up in the trash can. But, you know, everybody's different, you know. I, like I said, I really, I'm pretty decent until the walk out, you got to just fucking, let's do it. Let's go. It's almost like you, you don't want to, there's too much fucking wasted time, you know, too much waiting. You're just like, let's just, let's do it. I'll just run. I'm just sprint now.

I get, I get, even if it's a little gig, I get a little anxiety the morning of, what the fuck am I going to say? I don't really want to do this shit no more. I should just quit and start selling fucking cars. What the fuck am I going to a bar for? I mean, I really go through it. Really? Yeah, for about eight, nine minutes.

And then I come to my senses. And I say, I'm the luckiest fucking guy in the world. You know, I got a great job. And I get to go down there and fuck around on stage. and then everything sort of works out. But no, no, no, I get it terrible, and that's great that you broke it down because I've never really asked a fighter before.

Like game day, weekday, the week day announced a fight to you get a little anxiety on the phone. I mean, I don't even think about it. Like I said, that'd be great till they called my name to run down the fucking cage. And once I got in the cage,

I'd have to ventilate myself and tap myself out, I think. Bruce Buffett, come on. What happened? I just tap myself out. I can't. My lungs are going too much. Let me give some shoutouts and we'll get the fuck out of here before track of track hits.

Big Thumb Terry, John Cutler, my girl, Cleo, one-by-one podcast. Uki Spooky will be seeing you in Austin on the 15th of September. Jeff Cordero, Bob Lillingeris, Rob Keyes, and my man, Matt Baker up there,

Matt Baker, B.J., J., putting it motherfucking together. What do you got plan for the weekend, Lee? What I got for the weekend? I think I'm going to go see that Suicide Squad movie. Don't do it. Don't do it. It's terrible.

People saying it's bad. I don't know. I don't fucking know. I look like a movie critic to you. I honestly haven't thought towards the weekend yet. What night is date night this week? Probably Saturday. Saturday.

Because we're going to the ice house Friday. We are. You coming with me? Absolutely. I'm happy you're coming up. It's shit. I felt bad about what happened to you Lee. It wasn't

because, you know, I've done acid before. But it affected me for a little while, but it didn't get me. Once I got the air and shit, I was back to know him. I would have been fine. I think the second dose was what sent me over the top. And then I got sick. But thank you for taking care of me. Oh, I can't leave you like an animal. We've all gotten sick at one time or another.

somebody's always taking care of us. We just laid down in the couch and went napping no one. I called them in the morning and said he got a pizza and some wings at five to two. Yeah, because I was like, I can't, all right, because the last time I tried, this happened, I didn't get that messed up, but I tried to take an Uber home and it was too scared. So I was like, I don't know if I could handle looking at someone yet because it was like, like you can see the video, like I was shaking, like it was, it was like a weird, it was a great, It was fun, but it was like a

intense experience. I didn't know if I could handle being in a car with someone, so I decided to order pizza. And then like that, that was kind of cool, a little scary. And then I, but then I had the best lift driver. He was like a

40-year-old black dude with a purple car playing like old R&B music. It was awesome. What do you charge you? Like three bucks. It's awesome. So how you went over the lift, you're a fucking communist, you know? First you're hanging out with Uber, now you go over the lift. You're like a

fucking, you're worst than America. One week where they're jumping up and down with Bernie Sanders, then they hate them all of a sudden. Now they're in bed with Hillary. Bernie Sanders is done, you fucks. No one likes Hillary. No, but then why did you fucking get off

to Bernie Sanders vote? Get a petition going. Let's re-vote this bitch. You know what I'm saying? Everybody just tapped out one day. Like, fuck it. We don't, you know, we don't care. Oh, we'll jump on Hillary's dick, man. What the fuck is wrong with America? You just don't give

up on your fucking people like that. But you do now. This is the millennials. You fuck. Ruining shit. They even gave themselves a name. The millennials. Look, ruining shit. Ruin and shit. Fucking around, going to places with tight jeans on and shit.

Meanwhile, they're closing fucking restaurants that matter. What's closing now this week? Like fucking steak and shake or something like that? I think T.J.I. Fridays are closing. Oh, they deserve to close down. Those fucking things. They've had the same boring-ass fucking menu since

88. One of those places. Onion rings and shit. Who still has onion rings on their fucking menu? It's 2016. It's 2016. Something. Fuck. Fuck. I eat the fucking. That's a money rings. I got to tell you, Joey.

A few years ago, I went you were playing with Joe Rogan. This was in Vegas. Okay. And it was fucking one of the, it was the fucking best show that I'd seen ever. Like you fucking killed it and I'm not just saying

that but like it was one of those like when you were on like you were on and everybody fucking knew it. You know what I mean? Like you just I was fucking I was trying to catch my breath. I was fucking dying so hard. But it was I think it was one of maybe Rhonda was fighting

it was in Vegas but it was a few years ago I was there with Hannah Gracie and but it was one of the best shows by far that I've ever seen. I was it. I lose my mind in Vegas on a Friday night because you could. Because you could. Yeah.

Sometimes Joe's cool with it and sometimes Joe ain't cool with it. You know what I'm saying? But sometimes most nine out of ten times he's like fuck you did what you did. Yeah. That night you didn't give a fuck. No, you can't give a fuck. Listen, it's the same thing when you to do what you did

against Matt Brown. Did you give a fuck? No, not at all. What did you learn from that fight? What did you learn from that fight and from the two previous fights before? You just got to not give a fuck. And once you've been there, like once you go down that street, it's an ugly street because you're never raised to be that type of savage. But it's 2016, bitch.

You want to run with the Jews. You want to pick up an envelope. You got to go deep. You know what I'm saying? You want to run with the Jews. You got to be a little on the mean side. You know, this is it. You got to focus on what the fuck you want.

And when it's deep time, you're here with me because I love you. But I knew it. I had a funny fucking feeling. This motherfucker might do something crazy. He might do something fucking crazy. And you did it. And that just goes to show you that when you want something, absolutely.

You zero in on it. You zero fucking in on it. You can do whatever fuck you want. It's just amazing that we always, don't we always talk about people know the, everybody knows what they need to do. You know, everybody talks about the iPhone, the iPad, you know, hi, what the fuck?

You know what you need to do. But then we dick around. We beat around the bush. I'm going to go, I don't want to go. I don't want to go there. I'm going to do this. You know what you got to fucking do. You know what you got to do.

And you did it perfectly. You know, for years, you watch fights in the first fucking three minutes you want to shoot yourself. And like professional people, like Gentiles, like, you know, measuring themselves out. That's a smart attack, you know. Rashad Evans once said that Winkle John told them, you know, if you hear them boo, you're doing your job correctly. Listen, there's a fire. Every time you see that, bro, the best three fights I ever saw were in San Francisco. They all ended within two minutes.

Somebody was yelling and screaming stads. Somebody was bleeding within two minutes. And this guy don't trade no cardio. He just knows you're on the street. You got do or die, bitch. It's me against him, and the bus is coming. So I got to fight this guy before the fucking bus gets here. And that's just, you know, everybody makes this big fucking deal about it.

You want to go out there and fucking get it. That's it. Go on and fucking get it. Period. That's it. But we never really want to face that. For the first time, after 25 years, I've been doing comedy the right way. I listen to my sets.

I take notes. It's a complete different world for me. I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ, this is. I hate hearing my voice. But if I got, it's like every 30 minutes I listen to, you get one gem. What's a gem, Joey? Even if it's one fucking line. Right.

I'll take it. The rest of this shit gets dumped in the toilet. I'll fucking take it. I don't even know. we're talking about you know I know when I I'm fucking like people because I mean even my coach they'd be like if you just stop fucking giving stop trying to

control if it makes sense to control the outcome just let you know just fucking go just like nobody's gonna stop you then it's like one of those things you're kind of the control freak party who's like oh you know I don't want to it's like fuck that when it when it's like you know and then it's like

you see it when you just when you just fucking stop giving a fuck you know people are waking up to a to a fat guy with a pinlight in their eye you know it's like they're waking up from a canvas nap and that's just like i gotta stop i gotta stop giving a fuck it's it's it's true though it's i gave a fuck till i was about 22 i thought life was real you're like you know what's like you know you're gonna help women across the street put your jacket down on the puddle when you see some fucking hot broad walking and see how that lasts that have backfires on you then when you put the fucking heat is on.

It's called playing for keeps. You know, it really is called playing for keeps. And you rise to the fucking occasions. It's just beautiful. What do you see, brother? What do you see next? Not an opponent.

What do you see for you? What do you want to fucking do, man? You want to go for this 170? Yeah, oh yeah. No, I... It's fucking... This is it. I mean, I'm ready to go.

And I want that world title. So it's... I'll fight game for the end of the year. You're writing your goals down. You put their three. You're writing it down. You're going to become the world fucking champion in the train. Be a savage.

Yeah. Be a savage. Eat fucking dog bones for breakfast. Be a fucking junkyard dog. Fuck it. And we're down at Kings, man. It's a fucking new world down there too. It's got so many killers.

I mean, you see, you know, the Dostanus are doom, both fucking world champs. And now it's like it's, it's there. You know, you put together three, two, three wins and we're right there. fighting for the title. So I'm in. I'm all in. If I was 25 and it's going to be a heavyweight, I'd just go down there and smack Verduem every day. Like, what's going to? Bob! What's the story, bitch? Let's do this shit. I let him fuck me up. I apologize and come back a week later. Bob! There you go. What, bitch? That's how you get better, fighting fucking Verduem every day, right? Because that guy

will definitely catch it. He'll catch you. He'll let your bitch slap me. He'll go down on purpose. He'll Let you hit me. Go ahead. Hit me. Man, he'll go down on purpose and you'll see that leg lingering. That leg will linger. That little leg. It's like a dead leg.

It just lingers. And all of a sudden, as you go to see if he's alive or awake, that leg just comes up and throws you in a weird position. Next thing you know, they've got the bottom of your shirt with one finger. They're pulling you towards them and the other leg's doing this. And now the hand is grabbing the bottom of your fucking socks.

And you're going for a fucking loop. It's a, it's fucking great. Hey, listen, man, it was great that, you came on and it was great to see you back on the, there was nobody happier than me. I went right to Twitter. Where was this fuck? Because we used to have Twitter

conversations. You performed Thursday night? Fuck, yeah, perform. You want to come by? Yeah, early show. Who else used to come? There was one, Conahune was around then. Yeah. Conno him. Come to the Friday night shows in Irvine and there was somebody else the tap-out guys.

Yeah. What about those tap-out guys? They're kind of, you know, they're in their thing. The little guy had a show. Dan, yeah. Yeah, he's been busy. I haven't talked to him in a while, though.

I haven't talked to him a little while. No. And the tall guy, Skype. Yeah. What the fucking Skype? I don't know. They got like that 20 mil and just moved to Brazil. They said, fuck it.

We're going to go eat outside of e-balls. No more wigs. I've spent enough on wigs. It's over. We're going to fucking Brazil. I don't think he was Brazilian. He used to come to all the fucking shows. Mm-hmm.

And one day he disappeared. I guess when they bought him out, they said, listen, here's an extra 10 million. Don't come to the UFC show. I'm going to send you from Bernie Sanders fucking bar. Once we send you there, nobody leaves there. Yeah. Man, thank you. Thank you for coming on.

It's an honor. I appreciate you having me. No, you're fucking great. And I can see that you're back and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Your family and good luck to you, whatever the fuck you want to do. Lee, what's going on with you? I actually, I have a new website. you do yeah

what is this called now what is this what is this website of death called it's called leased consulting in my my buddy rob and johnson creative made it for me so if you're interested just go to leesaiiate consulting and what can I get consulting on starting a podcast

but i've been doing a lot of Skype consultations and it's really great just there's really a quick hour and just get you the equipment what if let's say what if yeah me and jake want to start like a porno live web cam podcast. I sense

to you like. Listen to this. Listen to this idea. You always hit me with fucking ideas. Let me give you an idea. How about two hot chicks and a chubby dude? Let's pretend that you will put you in the middle. I like it already. I'll put you the table like this and two chicks or a guy

with a big dick or some chick just bang and do sexual things and you never. Like you and her like right now, right now he's doing the this move. I could say if you guys could be here, you can smell it. Casual sex. Yeah, like casual sex.

That's the podcast. It's charged by the minute, like 52 bucks by the minute. Are you saying we can use this table for that? No, no, I didn't say this table. This table is a Catholic table. I'm a Catholic. You can't have dirty bitches on this fucking table. You baptized the table.

Yeah, you baptize the table. So I'm just saying, Lee, that's a show you should consider. Well, maybe you and a hot girl, and she sits right there and looks at the guy's asshole and says, stick your finger in it and you have to cheer. You know, whatever. I don't know. And people have to pay by the hour. We'll waste on the time. We'll waste on the time. We can be doing a porno fucking podcast with live fucking streaming and live announcers.

Not a bad idea. Only a nice, fucking slick Jewish person to think of something like that. That's how I roll. See, I'm a Cuban Jewelie. I've been telling you that for fucking years. Nobody thinks like me. Give me the paperwork, please, for a love of Christ. I'm trying to throw your code.

You're looking around. Thank you. You know, unbelievable people. You don't know what I have to deal with the other night. I thought he was going to die on me. I didn't know what to do. He had to be all scared. I'm sorry.

No, I don't give a fuck. I would have put a car. I would have rode you up in this carpet, taking him up to the 170, you know what? I don't know what happened to him. He left in the Volkswagen. I get some fucking Diagostino fingerprints and put him on your door. And that's it.

I don't know what happened. I know him in the will. He left a will. I would do a will that night. I would have done a will with your little dead Jew hand. I would have taken that pencil. Oh, Lee Syatt. He left me everything.

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What is it? slash Joey. Texted.com slash Joey. And that's it. I love you guys. We'll be back Sunday night. Stay black. Stay beautiful.

And that's it. I want to thank my man, Jake Ellenberger, and my main man, Lee Syatt. And that's it. Stay black. Have a great weekend

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