The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #407 - Becky Dominguez

Episode Date: August 22, 2016

Becky Dominguez, Co Host of the Mat Therapy Podcast and a blue belt under Eddie Bravo and 10th planet, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Club W. Go to www.clubw.com/joey to get $20 off of your first order of wine curated just for you and Club W will pay for the shipping on orders of four bottles or more.   Helix Sleep: Go to helixsleep.com/JOEY to get $50 off of your order off a custom mattress and free shipping.  Recorded live on 08/21/2016.    

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Monday, August 22nd. It's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive and you're in it, bitches. The church of what's happening now. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joey here with my main little brother, Lee Syatt. Hello. And our beautiful guest, Becky Dominguez. What's happening?

From the Met Therapy Pross. I'm thinking something about a fucking Matt. The Mac Therapy podcast. Welcome to everybody. I hope you had a great weekend. Lovely. I hope everything is fucking beautiful. What's happening with you?

Oh, I had a fun weekend. I watched the fights last night, of course. I just had a, I just had a, I've just, been really enjoying kettlebells. I'm actually kind of bummed. It's, it's, it's, uh, relocating. So it's, uh, do they have any idea where they're going? Not, not as it right now, but it's interesting, because you've always, you've always, uh, been a huge champion for me for changing and, and, and, and switching up your workout. And I brought Paula on Friday to kettlebells for the first time. And she had done kettlebells with us, uh, and she was better than I was. And this past

week, she's still sore today from what I did Friday. And I've been doing it for like six months, three days a week. So I'm actually kind of looking forward to maybe trying swimming or something else that you've mentioned. So it's a lot of shit for you to do. Just, you know, everybody talks about cross training over the years. You know, when I was a kid, I thought

you woke up and you lifted weights and you jump rope. Right. Or you were in and everything was good. But now they say that you're doing that. Well, I always switched up my workouts anyway. I'm the type of person I get bored. But they always said to do something different. You know that your body recuperates, give it a twist. like hitting the bag or maybe, you know, fucking walking up a hill or maybe hiking.

I don't know what the fuck that is. You know, hiking 18 hills. I don't fucking know. But you always want to be doing something so you don't get bored with your same activity. But my issue isn't boredom. I'm the king of boredom. I don't mind being bored. I'm what scares me is change.

And that's with everything. So, listen, change is fucking everybody's scared of change. Oh, yeah. I got to move next week. I'm scared. I got the little alertness going up. Everybody's scared to change. But just force yourself to put a pair of sneakers on

and go to that boxing gym over at Magnolia next to that fucking thing. Go to Groupon, get the coupon. Go to Groupon, get the fucking coupon. And you... They have something for everything. They got something... No, no, I know for a fact that they have a coupon for that.

It's the Boxing Gym right... It's run by Kerry Norris. Kenny Norris. Something Norris. He was a professional fighter. a damn good one at that. He's right there. Terry Norris. Oh, wow. Okay.

And he's right fucking there. And you're going there. He's got classes for an hour, and he doesn't make you fight nobody. You hold pads and myths for people. And it's something completely different. You work on your breathing. He makes you jump rope. He makes you do push-ups.

He makes you do sit-ups. Shit like that. You go into the first day, you do one push-ups. The third day, you do three push-ups. It's the same shit no matter what the fuck you do. Right now. You'll get there. Listen, man.

We're going to talk about it anyway, so let's get to it. But the theme of this is evolution. And I was talking to Becky about it. I was talking to Becky about it. I love the UFC. I love mixed martial arts. And if you look at my comedy career, excuse me,

after I started watching mixed martial arts, about a year later, my comedy changed. Because from watching mixed martial arts, I saw guys that learned to depend on one thing. One technique, their best technique. One thing, and that's your best technique. If tomorrow, Becky said to me, Joey, I want to

become a comedian. Oh, I am a comedian. I want to take acting lessons. I go, Becky, how long have you been to movie? About 10 years, I feature around the country. I worked and wrote, I'd say, listen, go down to this acting class. You know, you're looking for the mid-range one because if they were teaching acting,

if they knew about acting, they'd be fucking acting. Okay, so you find yourself one that just goes through the motions for 90 days. You put in your mind that you're going to go down there for 90 days. You've been a comic for 10 years. You grew up on Lucille Ball. You grew up on Carol Burnett.

And, I mean, there's not a sketch I can't talk about. Lucille Ball that you don't know. That shows me something. That shows me something. And you were a little girl. You watch those episodes. You got a dream, whatever. So when you go to this fucking acting class,

the first thing you do is going to be a comedy scene. Then after that, I wouldn't let you talk. comedy. I make you do dramatic scenes. I make you cry and make you take your shirt off. I'd make you do things that would take you out of your comfort zone. And that's how you become what you become. When evolution is fucking huge. It's huge. You know, and I was snort and coke for three months and then I would put it in a microwave oven and smoke in a joint for three months. And then I would fucking put it in a mix it with crack with turpentine and smoking for three months, even with Coke.

And then for three months, I would buy crack. You know, for six months, I got hooked on crack one time in 91, you know, in 2000. Even with my addiction, I always mixed it up a little bit. You know what I'm saying? For six months. You got bored with your addiction. Yeah, for six months, you had Valium, so instead of just snort and Coke, I eat Valiums and snort Coke.

You know what I'm saying? What is that? That sounds like the opposite of what you want to do. Right. It's a drinking a fucking Red Bull with vodka. Same fucking difference. You want to lower this mic a little bit before I give myself a headache. There you go.

There you go, cock sucker. So we saw a fight last night. First off, I did not place a bet last night. My reasoning was very simple. Too many people like Diaz. I like Diaz. Too many people like Diaz. You know what I'm saying?

No, no. The line was pretty similar. It was like minus 110 for Connor plus 105. It wasn't a big difference. No, it wasn't a big difference. It was just too many people like Diaz. And then when the fight started, I thought about calling because I thought about Chale Sondon and

Anderson. And this and silver. He would beat him up for four rounds and he'd do something stupid. Then the last second. I saw a tremendous fight last night. First off, I saw a tremendous fight. I did not. When they raised Connor McGregor's hand, I did not.

I was not surprised. Really? Before I said he got ripped off, I wanted to watch the fight again. But then I would lay down to go to. sleep and I woke up early this morning and that's the first thing that was on my mind and usually that's what happened because your mind keeps thinking sometimes but you go to sleep what you saw was evolution you saw one guy who went back and listened to everything as coach said to him to the T he controlled his emotions he knocked

them down two times he could have attacked on top of him and tried to fuck around he controlled his emotions well he threw the leg kick, you know, like Becky and I discussed earlier. I'm going to fight Becky. I'm going to see who beat it. I'm going to study that fucking tape. The most outstanding thing of that tape is Dosanos' his leg kicks.

I mean, he wouldn't even show up that night, Nick Diaz. He wasn't even in the arena. I think even fucking Dana said one of the worst things ever that night about him. That he didn't even show up. He took a lot of completely out of his game with leg kicks. So after that Dosanos fight, me being Nick Diaz, Nate Deans,

Diaz, whatever the fuck his name. It's me being an individual. I look at my leg. I look at the blood waltz on my fucking leg, and how I can't walk for five days. Right. And even though I got Richie Perez boxing, even though I got Gracie Jujitsu,

I go down to fucking L.A. over here. I get a hotel room at this Hilton, whatever the fuck it is over here, and I go see where Alan Jubain works out, Saxons, or fucking the other guy down the corner. There's three Muay Thai schools here. Right. That's fucking tremendous.

And I learned how to check that kick so that won't happen again. Okay? That's what I would do as a fucking, you know what I'm saying? And I'm no genius. That's what I would do. That's not going to happen to me again. Right. As soon as I walk into any kickboxing gym, the teacher's going to go,

oh, come here, let's do this. I already know why you're here. I know why you walked in the fucking door. But, I mean, and your boxing wouldn't be as effective if you didn't put all that weight on there. So let's find that. healthy balance. There's a cat stance. In karate, the first teach you is a cat stance.

What's Renato? What's his name? Hanato. Yeah, what's his real name? Whatever's fucking. Oh, Rassan. Rassan's father, the first thing he teaches is a cat stance. What's a cat stance?

A back stance with the fucking toes off the floor. So even if they kick, sorry about the table. Even if they kick, your knee goes completely up and down. Right. And I'm no fucking martial arts fucking guru here. I'm just saying to you what I saw. last night. I saw Conn McGregor fight a fucking extraordinary fight. He got hit, you know, whatever the fuck you want to talk about. His cardio. Again, I saw people online this morning.

His cardio suspect, blah, blah, blah. He's fighting at 168. You know, he usually fights at one fucking 45, 150. You know, take two 10-pound dumbbells and walk up and down the fucking street. And then take those 10 fucking dumbbells and walk without him tomorrow and see how many times you walk back and forth, okay? That's that, an extra 20 fucking pounds. he fought a tremendous fight he fought a fucking extraordinary fucking fight guys and Diaz came in there with the one too

but if you watched the fight again that eye is broken again that eye is broken again he's catching you on the way back from that too he's catching you that's all he was doing he was sitting there you know his training listen his training

I give my hats off to his coaches my hats off to his training my hats off to what he spent because any professional knows to make money you have to you know what's that expression spend money

you spend money but there's another one you sharpen metal with metal right you know you sharpen metal iron what iron whatever the fucking expression is and that's exactly what we saw last night scoring system guys I'm no judge I'm a fat fucking comedian

that smokes pot I didn't see half the punches I was just sitting there fucking looking up in the sky but I tell you what I did I saw. I saw two clean knockdowns. And I saw blood fucking leaking from his head as a judge. So that's what I saw. So unless you want to count punches or whatever, I know you're going to hit me up on Twitter, Joey. I don't know. I don't know how to count punches. But that's what I saw and that's what the judges saw. Well, percentage-wise, that seemed to be pretty even. Really? Percentage-wise?

Percentage-wise, but Diaz hit like a hundred more strikes. Really? Yeah. Or attempts. There was a lot more attempts. I can look it up. It was something like he had 100, he had more strikes and more significant strikes than McGregor. I think McGregor had three knockdowns, if I'm not mistaken.

Diaz had one towards the later around. It wasn't just the last one, right? When he got him down, those last like 15 seconds. Oh, that was a takedown. Okay. I thought he knocked him down with his hand at one point. Did he? Towards the fourth round.

I'm not sure. I don't remember. He had him up against the cage, like in the third. or something. I thought it was over then. He was lighting him up really good. I thought it was going to be done then. You know, Jiu-Jitsu was not even brought upon in this fight.

Oh, no. Well, you saw when Nick or when Nate was on the ground. You understand me while I tell people don't text me. Now you understand when I tell people, don't text me. Why is that? Because it's my world. Right. It's my motherfucking world, okay? It's the same thing.

Connor McGregor imposed his world. Yeah. his world he took him down one time with 15 seconds left at the end you know unless he was gonna twist his head off it was gonna be right fucking then and that McGregor got trained he's and he was trying to get him to the ground when he had him up against the fence plenty of time and he defended it tremendously so I saw a well prepared that's what the word is prepared I saw like when Holly home went to fight ronda rousey I saw the same uh Carlos condo against Diaz.

Carlos Conduit, always they have a game plan. And that's what I saw Connor McGregor adhered to. And it's very rough when you are who you are. It's very rough for me to tell you to do something when you are who you are.

So my hats go off to them, I don't know the future. I don't know what's going to happen in the future. I really don't give a fuck. It's got nothing to do with me. I can't lie to know what it's got nothing to do with me. I just enjoy it last night. I enjoyed the whole card, to be honest.

But nobody, you know. I thought it was a great car. Someday Anthony Johnson's going to be talking to his grand show. And he's going to go, I knocked fucking Glovertochiaver's tooth out of his motherfucker mouth. But nobody talked about it because Conno McGregor was on the card. It's like a rookie's manager. So he knocked out what's his name, but that's the same, not that Marciano knocked out somebody else.

So who got the press, Marciano got the press. But that's what I saw last night. That's, you really thought Diaz, Me? Yeah. No. What about you, does that? To be honest, when I was watching it, granted, I had probably about a thousand milligrams

in my first reaction was that he won. And I'm trying to find the stupid card. It doesn't matter. Who gives a fuck? And I know this isn't really part of the scoring at all. But for me, when McGregor is running away, I feel like that should count for more than it does, just as a fan. Do you think that the blood on Nate's face should count on what?

No, well, here's the thing. Because it doesn't. It doesn't. Well, it doesn't, but like Joey was saying, I think that's a little bit more. The judges might take that more into account. Listen, I cut your eye and your eye bleeds in between rounds and I wipe it. That's fucking one thing. When I keep watching you in the fourth round, wiping your eye, because the blood's coming out.

There was one, if you watch the fight again, if you watch the fight again, there's one scene where he goes to the corner. and they wipe it and the blood shoots out of his eye right there in front of you. Split second and they take the camera off. I mean, it's a fucking split second that you see purple fucking blood coming out of his fucking head. Well, he was obviously getting, he got hit, but from what I heard in the end, and I don't know which fights, apparently he does have a lot of scar tissue, which once it opens up, it just goes no matter what happens. So that was the only thing. I'm always surprised after the fights when people give their actual round scores

because I don't have any I've never scored around We have no knowledge of it That's what I said I don't know I can't say anything on 47 48 what the fuck do I don't fucking know I don't fucking know nothing about that shit And then also I mean

Even though I love Rogan and When it on Goldberg on UFC Whenever you watch anything with commentary It can sway you Either way So sort of bias and so not even if they're biased it's just that they sound smart and who knows maybe maybe they see something wrong in them in the moment so but in my heart i wanted ds to win too so

that's probably why i was thinking he won but i'm not i'm never shocked and i it wasn't to me a huge like oh my god this is going to be in the papers this is such an upset it it felt it didn't feel like it didn't seem like a robbery to you no it felt like tie goes to the winner yeah which i a lot in the UFC and and McGregor's not he's not the champion because it was a whatever catch weight but he's the guy that the if he didn't win I don't know what would like that's a very interesting topic you have see if I mean it granted it's never gonna happen now but at UFC with Carter McGregor losing twice to Diaz would be a completely different UFC you think so I think so I think you just

go back to his weight class and go go go Yeah, but then he wouldn't be able to sell. He had already lost credibility, I think, with the first Diaz lost. If he lost twice, I think that would have been there. I know there's people walking around today. I'm thinking that Diaz won that fight and they're fucking already done with the, I know for a fact. Oh, yeah. I saw people talking about it online.

People thought it was a robbery. And I didn't think it was a robbery. I thought it was a sensational fight. Hard for me to call. When I did hear the second call, that was a tie. I knew these people saw the same part I did. That made me feel human. If I could have gone either way and didn't surprise me either way.

It doesn't really matter because you motherfuckers are on your way to work anyway. So it doesn't affect you at all. You motherfucker's still thinking about who's going to win, Hillary or Trump. You know, it doesn't change your fucking life. It's so weird. Like, let me ask you a question real quick. This is how fucked up this show is. Smell this.

Does it smell like anything? It smells something, but. No. No. Doesn't it smell like Dick. What is it? Can you smell something? Lee?

Maybe a more sensitive nose. No, I smell the wrong. Okay. So the other day, this is liquid acid. Oh, Jesus. Me and Lee did the bottom of this. And Lee must have eat chicken or something like that when we were smoking pot. Lee by mistake.

Oh, God. Says, this thing tastes weird. Okay. For three days, some kids. on Twitter. Oh, Jesus. Didn't stop. Didn't stop.

If it smells weird, if it tastes weird, it's not, I mean, he was sending us reports and bios and whatever. And I mean, this has to be like a Rogan guy. Like, only Rogan's people fucking think they're that I give a fuck. You know what I'm saying? Like, they get like, because I know that even after Lee said that statement, he goes, it tastes weird. It's because we ate a thousand stars. he's got gum in his mouth, water, reefer. Who knows what it tastes like?

Who gives a fuck? Just drink the fucking thing. This kid went so fucking crazy. I woke up this morning, two minutes. I just clicked. Because a lot of times I put Twitter on, but I walk away. I put YouTube on and I write jokes, but Twitter's there. That's it.

I'm not on fucking Twitter. I'm not reading dick. There must be a light that tells people when you're on Twitter or something. No. No. Because this guy, when you're not Bing, that what you and Lee did was not aft. And he wrote a report on the lead.

I said, listen, go away. Go away. Go do something with your life. For three days, we're alive. Even if it was, who gives a fuck? For three fucking days, this is all this guy thought about was, what you did was in this. Listen, guys, I snorted fucking coke off people's assholes.

Do you really think I give a Frenchman's fight? Guys, stop it. Stop it. Save that for your friends at Starbucks and all that shit. I did fucking drugs with filthy fucking animals. You're going to hit me 18 times. Becky, it was relentless. You went to Facebook?

He was on Facebook. He cares for you, Lee. No, but it was just a shit. Like, you know, look at, there's these people that walk around today that want to be Johnny fucking intelligence. Especially when it comes to drugs. Okay. And let me tell you something about drugs. For fucking 20. Let's pretend. Let's just pretend.

I started, the first time I cop weed in the city, I was telling me the other day, I was this Cuban kid, lefty-quartina. Lefty-Cortina and his brother were these two fucking dudes that their dad was a doctor. A big-time Cuban doctor. We were just, before we came on the podcast, we were watching the video by La Lalu. This Cuban singer from the 60s that was very hot during the revolution. And she offered this kid cookies. She offered Dick Cabot cookies from eating the city, whatever the fuck it is.

What are we talking about? Oh, we were talking about Dr. Cortina. So me and Lefty, when I was a kid, I used to tell Lefty, lefty, I got good weed. I didn't know. Me and my friends are like fucking 12. And he would say, where'd you get we there? And we go over here in North Perkins somewhere. They go, fuck that shit.

Get in the car. Get money. And me and Lefty on, you know, any day of the week. I was in the fucking seventh grade guys. Would shoot into the fucking city. And we wouldn't just go to Harlem. When we would go to the village, the first place he ever took me to cop, I was telling me the other day that I was in his car and he had the 8-track to wish you were here in there.

Have you ever heard Wish You Were Here? It's a fucked up album. Never mind hearing it the first time when you were a kid. Right. And you just smoked pot with somebody. We smoked pot on the way over there. We parked the car and we walked in. And as I was walking in, I noticed it was a fucking church, Becky. It was a Catholic church.

And on Fridays, they would do bingo on the one side of the hall, and the priest on Saturdays would rent out the other side of the hall to these two weed salesmen. And on the picnic table, they would just lay out weed. And in those days, they had three types of weed, Becky. They had a green weed, Thai weed. But they had these little fucking square, three inch, maybe four inch by one inch weed that was compressed and dipped in hash oil. Guys, it's 19-fucking 78, I'm telling you.

You know, I mean, this shit's crazy. So, if this was my first experience with weed, for years, I went to the Bronx to Cop Coke. For you, you know, after a while, people think it's hip. Like the kids I was growing up I'll go to the Bronx to Cop Coke. Yeah, it's great Coke. And you're saving $5, but you're also going to get mugged someday.

I don't give a fuck. If it was 2% purity and I could buy it up the corner from my house, I'm not driving back on an 8-ball when I can walk down the fucking corner and not get stopped. So when it comes to drugs, man, that's one thing. I don't know about weights. I don't know about fucking

the moon. I don't know about hunting. I don't know about a lot of shit. But I know what it is to cop at 4 in the fucking morning in Harlem or in the Bronx and you got $2,000 in your pocket. So if you haven't done that, do me a favor. Shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up.

Do you know what it is to walk up a third store fucking building with Bonehead at 4 in the afternoon to get heroin when I was fucking 17 or 18? Have you done that thing? Shut the fuck up. Have you gone to a black, black, black, fucking neighborhood in Elizabeth, New Jersey next to fucking Newark on the edge of fucking Newark, the cop? No. Let's shut the fuck up.

What the fuck do you know? You sending me paperwork Or they read that book by fucking the dude Who did mushrooms And I'm supposed to be impressed I never read that fucking book About the dude with the fucking mushrooms What's his name?

What's his name? Timothy Lear? I don't even fucking know None of these idiots. I don't read none of that shit. You know why? Because I did my own fucking book I lived my own fucking book

I did my own fucking drugs I snorted fucking angel dust When in the eighth grade You're going to come to me With your story about It doesn't smell like acid 80 fucking times on here I'm sorry Becky I get emotional about that shit

The fucking's wrong with people And he kept on and I Even Lee said to me You know who this fucking kid is He won't stop Do you know what is? Are you familiar? I understand I mean

Are you being tagged in these? Yeah I'm being tagged It's cool I mean It's No one has any reference For what we're doing on this I think that's a part that people And some people do

And they get real Like really passionate It's like almost like you did to They're really passionate No no There was only one person who caught that Everybody listened to that podcast And he was relentless about it

Oh yeah Relentless Now we're still alive And three days later He's still fucking going We did the acid Monday Correct Yeah

Yeah Monday It's almost a week ago It's fucking Sunday And he's still sending me Stupid fucking tweet about chemical. It's fucking acid. The guy who gave it to us came back to the show.

Did he not Lee? He did, yeah. And what did he fucking whispered at the both of us? Only take one? Yeah, that's what he fucking said. So do me a favor. Mind your fucking business. Go do some acid.

Yeah, go do some acid and join the real fucking world. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. If Lee said that on a podcast, I would hear it. And I would maybe send it to it one time. man, let's read this. You said it didn't smell like acid. And then you would respond, no, no, no, I just ate a garlic cooking. And that's it. We move on with our fucking lies. But there's some people who take every fucking word so literally in life. Everything so literally. And they fucking run with it. Jesus Christ. Even last night after the fights, oh, my God. The post that I was seeing about how terrible the judging and how we got robbed. And oh, there was one guy that just would. He was very, very upset. That was the reason

why I joined Jiu Jitsu. That was the other 10% of the reason I joined Jiu Jitsu. So I had the right to raise my hand. You know what I'm saying? Like when you read a sports writer, you've got to ask them. When was the last time you got in the aftergown? What was the last time you went to a moot type class? I agree.

To understand what these people go through. What was the last time you talked to Herb Dean on a plane or sent Herb Dean a fucking email and had him explained, I had him explain both the judging system on it. Did we not leave? Yeah. Him and the other fucking guy, John McCartney. I had him explain it on here because I wanted people to understand

before they kept opening their fucking mouths about this shit and all the variables that go into it. That's the reason why I had those two guys specifically because I get sick of reading that shit. Like everybody's a fucking authority now. You know, it just kills me. So who knows what they saw? I mean, part of their frustration, I'm sure they lost money.

Now, let me ask you a question. Like I said, I'm stupid. Do they give you points for light kicks? Why wouldn't they? Okay, then what the fuck? How many light kicks did McGregor hit him with? Ninety-two? How many?

I would think they would. I don't know. That's how fucking dumb I am. That's how dumb I am. So that's the school of all I come from. I would imagine that would have been counted with the striking, or is that not? I mean, California. I mean, I just, I just try and.

I wish on the ground. Yeah. What Connor was trying to avoid yesterday? That's what I like to do. I wish that I knew more about it so I could set an argument or, but I don't. And you know what? And part of me doesn't really want to know about it. Yeah.

Because I don't know what I was to watch for. Like Lee was saying the backing up. Mm-hmm. When he kept backing up. He was running away. You know what I looked at it is? He would turn his back to him and run. I looked at it as.

Well, there was in the third and fourth round, but in the one, first and second round, he was doing it to conserve energy. Right. Yeah. He would do it to have his guard down on to concern. That's how I saw it. Yeah. I didn't see it as running. I definitely noticed in the first couple rounds that he was trying to

to not wear himself out like he did quickly the last time around. That's what I saw. That's what I saw. Because I think that was part of his downfall last time is that he just, he gassed himself out quick. So what's this little competition you're doing on fucking Saturday? I don't know about this. What do you got to weigh in it? 1.30.

What are you weighing in that? 135. Oh, God only knows. I had to. I went to a little party thing last night and went to a baby shower today. So I'm probably about five pounds away right now. I have to call Mike Dolce and shit. Seriously.

Five fucking pounds of sweating it out and shit. What's up? What were you going to say, my brother? Nothing, but it's your second tournament. Second and third. I'm doing two in a row. Two in two days. I'm doing Saturday and on Sunday.

What Saturday? Saturday is Subfighter in San Anna. And what Sunday? Gracie Worlds. Where? Anaheim. I come all the tournaments are now all the way. They can't have a tournament down the block?

We're doing one in Pasadena, but you're going to be out of town. If you know anything about Uncle Joey? You're always out of town? Pasadena is out of town. That's true. That's true. That's not that bad, though. It's right there.

Pasadena is not that bad. The drive to Pasadena is harmless. It really is. Yeah. It's a nice. town you know Pasaddead ducan lives in Pasadena now it's very nice at that there's parts of Pasadena we don't

see Lee because we just go to the fucking ice house right that's the only street in Pasadena oh yeah is that what it's called Old Town is there an old town there I know there's something downtown there's a lot of town Lee you go down there you freak out you've been down there right yeah yeah yeah it's yeah yeah I've been there a Colorado it's like a it's almost like

an outdoor mall the whole street like there's all sorts of stores shopping what's food the town restaurant that's really fucking bad is there. Last time I was Ghanos. No, no, that's one of them but then there's the other one. A loupé or some fucking thing.

No, there's a lot of stuff out there. But no, it's nice. It's that's what I really want. My whole dream has always been like from the movies like an old town center

with like a main street and like a few shops, a couple restaurants, maybe a store, like a corner store. You want to be able to walk to everything? Yeah, but I don't like, I love, I love, I love living in Boston. I've never lived in Hollywood because it just, at first it was too expensive, and now it just seems too much. But like, like, Pasadena, Glendale,

like those seem kind of nice to have sort of like a down. Burbank has sort of like a downtown sort of scenario. You want an area you can go walk around and be all cute with, yeah, go hang out. Yeah, absolutely. The worst thing in your life is living somewhere. And you don't know this. You'll do it once in your lifetime.

Is living somewhere where you don't below? Did you ever do that? Yeah, you did. I fucking did it. We've all done it for stupid fucking reasons. Sherman Wayansup over to. Yeah. That's not where I belong.

But no, not even that. Like you living in Hollywood, you would shoot yourself. Really? Within two months. Because you're not in the business. you have no need to be there. No, none at all. So I mean, you've got to wake up twice a week and move your fucking car.

You got to pay for parking. You got to do all this shit. That's what I mean. Like Ari Shafir. Take Ari Shafir. Ari Shafir. Ari Shafir is a great guy. But if you know anything about Ari Shafir,

Rishafir goes to bed at 5 in the morning. Ari Shafir will take a train at 3.30 and go to Brooklyn and get a slice of pizza. That's what Ari Shafir does. Would I do it? Not really. Not fucking really. I have a milkshake and go to bed. When Ari told me he was going to New York, I applauded him because he finally picked a place that work for him.

I'd get home at one, pick up the phone and call New York when Ari's in town. And at four, Ari sounds like it's eight in the morning. He just walked in. I went to get fucking pizza. I went to a pinball place. You know, Ari. You know, but that place suited him more than he early. Absolutely.

Vegas suits all for me. three of us today. We could get a job. We don't have to be involved in Vegas. And we like Jiu-Jitsu. It's big there now. You know, yeah. A lot of shit for you to do that. But there's places where you wouldn't have nothing to do. You know, if you lived in Hollywood, yeah, it would be cool for three months. How many nights a week do you stay out past fucking 11? When we do the podcast and we, when you and I go to comedy clubs. Okay. So besides that, that's the only advantage you would have is that you would walk to the comedy club. Hello. I would picked you up and go, you know what I'm saying? Like, that's the only real advantage you had.

When I lived in Hollywood, I went to fucking six auditions a week. I went to spots. My spots are where, the store, the laugh factory. So it paid for me to fucking do it. But even then, like the thing about living in the city, like with Ari or like in Boston, you don't need a car to live with a car. First of all, I love you at all my heart. Okay? And let's knock something fucking off. Okay. You always need a motherfucking car in

today's world. I don't give a fuck what they tell you. Okay? I don't give a fuck what they tell you. You don't need a car in New York.

But what if ISIS drops a fucking bomb and there's no trains? What the fuck are you going to do with public transportation? You want to have a car somewhere. Even if it's in a

fucking garage in Jersey, you want to have a car somewhere. That's bullshit. I love that thought. I love that thought. love that thought. I lived it. I lived. Okay. If you lived in Manhattan, you probably probably buy like a 2005 straight up and just put it in New York. No, no, no. I lived in New York from Jesus Christ, but I went back as a fucking employee in 90 fucking three for a year. And I borrowed

cars. Like I rented cars because I just knew I found the guy that after a few months ago, just give me $2,99, fill up the tank and leave, don't fucking dent the car. So it was easier for me to get car and shoot up to a gig or to go do a gig or to go down the shore or something like that. But you always need a fucking car, like somewhere. Yeah, if I lived in New York today, what am I going to do? Sell my Subaru? I'd probably have them in my garage three days a week because I'm that fortunate to have a garage. Maybe if I could even afford a house in Jersey, but I would use a little public transportation,

but you could just use public transportation for so long. Let me tell you something. When you're sitting on public transportation, your dream is to get off of public transportation. Oh, yeah. Okay. There's some people, Paula. Paula was born and raised here.

Oh, yeah. That's what he knows. Cuban Jane over here was born and raised here. It don't mean nothing to Becky to get up on a Sunday. and drive to Santa Ana to roll for an hour and then come back, wash a pussy, and shoot up to work. Doesn't mean nothing to Becky. I have friends that live in, what's next to Pasadena?

If you stay on that fucking 134 after you pass Pasadena on the 210, not Astoria, but where the track is, they have a name for that fucking town. Monrovia, okay, Monrovia. I have a friend that lives in Monrovia. Uh-huh. Four kids. You know when their family lives?

By the Ontario Impra. Oh, that's just down... Yeah, yeah, that's just down a fucking hour with no fuck. No, no, no, no. They live in Demacula. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. Okay, yeah.

They go down there every Saturday and Sunday. They're Filipinos. They can't be without Filipinos. So every Saturday and Sunday, there's somebody's birthday. You know, they got 85 fucking kids. It's somebody's birthday. Right. It's always somebody's birthday.

and somebody's always Catholicism. I talk to them all the time. But every Saturday and Sunday, they drive to Temecium like nothing. Botes. I have my friends in Pasadena. They go to Disneyland. Like, I go to the fucking Jiu-Jitza with their kids.

I wouldn't get in that fucking road to Disneyland on a Sunday if you fucking pay me. I dread Disneyland. I'm looking to move out of the state before my daughter says Disneyland. Can you understand me? Do you understand what I want to get the fuck out of here? But you California motherfuckers, you don't give a fuck, and you take it.

And it's just a way of life for you. You're used to it. It's really weird. I'm not used to that at all. I couldn't imagine working five days a week. And then on Sunday, I got to go see my mother in fucking Ontario. She would die. She would die.

She might as well die. There's no way. I would do it once or two times when I couldn't do it. There is no way I could be in a car on a Sunday for four hours or three hours. There was no way. I grew up with it. My mom would always have to drive me to roller skating rinks that were an hour away.

When I was a kid, I'd go to school. She'd pick me up, take me, drive me an hour to Buena Park or to Orange County or to Pomona from Temecula. How do you do it? And I think people grow up two different ways. They either get used to it and they're okay with living that way or they dread it and they're like never again because I grew up that way. I don't want to ever.

When I talk to people, they tell me about the commute, I can tell they're from California. I go, you're from California. I go, yeah. Yeah, to drive an hour is you just have to. No. That's 24 hours in a day. That's two you're taking for me being in the car. I can't even think that way.

I will not go anywhere. I'm Ventura Boulevard. Yeah. Fuck, then. Fuck it. I'm not, it's going to take 20 extra minutes for parking and traffic. I avoid Ventura Boulevard. That's how lazy I am.

People do you have? understand what we're talking about here we're talking about there is a traffic in Los Angeles that at the at the end of the day I gotta tell you it's really not that bad but there's certain days that you'll get caught and you wish ISIS caught you and stuck fucking needles in your eyeballs because you can't believe what's going on and it's not the traffic it's the people there's not that much traffic there's not here where here's anywhere here's my theory they don't want to I go home because that's where my anger comes from is my years going back and forth in my shower

traffic on the 405, which I, it takes about an hour and a half to go 15 miles. Yes, that sounds right. Which, and it just, it's stop and go and it just takes, and then you'll see there's a map. I'll tell you exactly what it is. It takes forever to get to sunset and then it opens up because no one else is coming on and being an asshole and changing lanes and then as the exits come on people are assholes when you're coming down if you're unlucky enough to live

above the 101 and the 405 trying to go under that or from the 101 to the 405 you might as well kill yourself there because these people either they're high or they don't want to go anywhere

so there'll be a hundred yard spaces between cars I've never seen I go crazy I will ride your fucking ass till you either move get out of the fucking way figure it out man

I don't understand I don't understand I at least make my way around and fill the gap number two okay number two you grew up in California you know what Joey

I really like the fucking beach what do you mean well I didn't get up at six and surf okay I'm just saying Becky then you moved to Malibu and you you centralize your life around Malibu.

But I've seen people who live in Sherman Oaks and surf every day. And to top things off, they work downtown. And I go, how the fuck do you do it? You're in your fucking car constantly. Now, what we don't understand is that I'll break down to you is the same as going on. Listen, when I go home now, there's a strip called Bergen line. From 48th to 7th, I was Cuban. Everybody knew I'd get a leader.

That's always been that way. I went back with my wife. We couldn't make it to 60th Street without making turning on. You know, New York City, the traffic is fucking unbelievable. You know, on the Kennedy going to the Long Island. Oh, my fucking God. Try going down to, listen, when I was a kid, it would take me, me and my little criminal fucking cohorts.

It would take us an hour. We would get blasted at the bar on a Friday night until three. Then get in the car and drive down the Jersey Shore. It was always an hour. And there was nights we didn't have to stop for the fucking tolls. We were so fucked up. We just went through the fucking tolls. Fuck the corner.

But now it's two hours to get down the show. It's two hours to get down to Jersey Shore down on the Friday. You leave at five. You're fucking dead. You're fucking dead. I know one thing. Wherever I live, I have to be centralized to where I work. Why do you think I don't go to a comedy store that much? Because I don't like the store. It'd be down there seven nights a week. Yeah. That fucking Laurel Canyon gets me dizzy. Oh, does it really? On the way down, no way up. Cold water's worse, but yeah. Both of them.

Cold water is worse. And if not, I've got to go all the way across up to fucking, yeah. I'm fucking the 101 and that's a nightmare any fucking time. So I'm stuck on a fucking dilemma. I do not. I don't know what happened to me with traffic one day. I said, I'm not doing this no more. You know, when I first moved here, you guys' jaws are going to drop. I used to drive from motherfucking sunset to motherfucking randto beach for a slice of pizza.

What? Why? Because the fucking pizza was to die for and I'd make a day out of it. Because it would take me 40 minutes tops. I would leave Hollywood at 11 o'clock and be in Redondo 10 to fucking 12 eating fucking a slice of pizza. I'd take a walk on the pier there by the whatever. Get a little vitamin D and I get back in the car at 1.15. I'd be in Hollywood by fucking two, ready for an audition.

If I told you, I drove an hour for a fucking month. You would smack me in the fucking mouth. I used to drive to, bro, the best fucking pizza around here was down on Abbott Kenny in Venice. When I first got here, it was on pizza on bagel. Oh, it's deliria. Good, yeah, but now they had artichoke and it's people with fucking mustaches. Oh, yeah. Fuck you.

When I used to go there, it was three pizzas and there was a Mexican chick. Cheese pepperoni and sausage. But now it became, they got an outdoor bar, don't they? Or some shit. Well, the place I went to doesn't, but there's probably a thousand places. That's the same place. It's the same place. I just got to agitate it because they have.

They put artichoke. Yeah, they put artichoke and fucking garlic. The shit, chili fucking Thai chicken shit. Oh, no. Drives me crazy when they put it on pizza, too. Speaking of driving around, our friend Jason Tebow posted a picture last week, and I wanted to talk to you about it. Yeah, because I called Becky and I called Lee yesterday.

It was a joke, but I never know what you two motherfuckers. So you're the two people. I called with those tickets. I got to call Saturday night. Somebody says to me, hey, man, they called me up the day I was shitting and puking out of my fucking mouth.

When were you doing that? About a month ago, after the surgery, a week after the surgery, I got that flu. I got a call that night. Hey, are you busy tonight? We got backstage passes for you to go see the Grateful Dead

at the Amphithe. I would have gone, Becky, we smoke a joint, eat some stars. You know, it was from five to nine, then they had to end the mission. it's a bunch of people smoking pot they stink a little bit but the music's good for an hour you know in a way i felt weird because the main dudes ain't there they're dead right oh they quit

or whatever they retire you know jerry garcars not there i got my man jane cutler john cutler that looks over me but i would have given you know my first intention is always to give stuff to people so he calls me saturday night he goes listen i got two tremendous tickets for you for the rams take your wife on a date take leave take whoever you want sees her. Would they plan him? No, they played. Wouldn't it matter. Lee, 25 years ago, we would have gone, we would have had a beer on the way there, we would have pulled

over, got a little tutu-tut for the nose, parked, get onto the game, called the little bed in, drank a beer, you know, at the game, there's a couple more bumps, and then from there, take it to a fucking bar and tell everybody, he went to the Rams games. Tremend, it's tremendous, like, we were better than you. But I called Lee. Lee didn't want to go, and I called Becky.

Because I never know what Becky. a woman of intrigue. Maybe you want to take a man on a date. You never know. I got tickets for the Rams. My God. I love the Rams. Is that my childhood team? Oh, yeah. Totally. A woman of intrigue.

I never know. Lee wants to go to minor league football on this Friday night and get on. It was $9 to get in. I almost got snapped in the neck. It wasn't bad at all. So I asked Lee if you wanted Rams tickets. And then I knew it was 122. I knew you couldn't give those fucking.

things away last night you couldn't give those things away last night only like fucking you know Michael Jackson kids went to those fucking things like the kids even molested got like the organization got a whole box of those tickets I get to take the kids you know we've been molested but then this fucking Google it's told me this look at this I would have I would have if I would have taken those tickets and I would have gone and this would have happened there's no fucking way I would have been I would not leave just posted I would have given them to someone on the street I'm going back home.

Our friend Jason Tee, but it's on the podcast this week and next week wrote, Wonder Why the Rams had a hard time with attendance last? They were here. $80 to park. $80. Preseason, first preseason game. First preseason game, $80 to park.

That is, I don't carry $80 cash on me when I go to a game. Oh, you don't, no, no, you don't need cash anymore. Oh, of course. No, I have credit. When we went to, I went to the last UFC that was there at the forum, and I was able to pay my parking with a card. How much did they want? $25. That's kind of reasonable.

But the thing about L.A. It's reasonable to today's standards, yes. $20, $25. 80? In fucking Newark, it was 50. When I went to the U.S.C., I had free tickets for John Jones when he won. They were in Jersey, and Rogan was announcing, and I took the ticket. I'll never forget we fucking parked.

They were 50 fucking dollars. And then there was some behind there that were 35. And then my friend said, fuck it, I'll get other tickets. And he took off, he got high. Remember that's when George got the banana bread hit him. Oh, yeah. And he took off because the fucking banana bread hit him. So he said, fuck it, let me get the hell out of here.

That was the night. Because he was pissed off too. He was like 50 fucking bucks. It's got to be a cheaper place. $25 pisses me off. Well, you know, that's a hell out. That's today's stand. That's why I won't go to those things.

God. That's why I refuse to go to those stands anymore. What are the fucking Dodgers want? The Dodgers, no, the Dodgers included. Ten bucks. Yeah, they're included in the price of the ticket because a lot of times I buy a ticket. It's like the price of the ticket. The Angels are like 12 now.

They used to be like eight. Say what I'll, I'm on record as not really enjoying Dodgers Stadium. I don't think the fan experience is that great. I don't think people show up late. The one thing I'll say for the Dodgers, they have a free bus from, you know, station. So what we do is we take the train from North Hollywood. The bus goes all the way up to the top.

So you don't have to walk up to the top. That's nice. And it's free. And it takes you back too. It was great. Now when you go home to... Do you have to wait? Is there a long long long? No. If you go to Boston, how's the experience at the stadium now? At Fenway? I love it. Fenway. Now, Bill

Burr says that it's white of the fuck now. Oh, yeah. Well, of course. Well, before. They've actually had some trouble. But when I was in high school and college, more so college, they had like a sellout streak for years. Like I think it just ended like a year or two ago. Every game? Yeah, the Red Sox, yeah.

The Red Sox, yeah. The Red Sox are in Boston. Yes, I know. The sellout streak, that was quite impressive. But now, so, but yeah, so they have the pink hats. They have the people I sat in the whitest space as ever. I've never talked about this. It was cold.

It used to be like the 406 Club. Now it's something else up above home plate. What did you sit there? When my dad worked at Legal Seafoods. Okay. All right. They had like corporate seats. It was like behind glass.

They had free popcorn waiters. And it was great. It was fun. You like popcorn, don't you? Everyone likes popcorn. Fuck popcorn. Really? I don't know fucking popcorn.

Not even at the movies? Sometimes I get the popcorn and they have that fucking garlic. They have the garlic salt that you can put in the popcorn. Oh, where's that? At the arc light. I've never been here. You buy the popcorn. I've been there once.

They have flavored butters now? And they have a stand. So fancy. No, no flavored butters. They have powders. Oh. They got powders. They have powdered.

And they have garlic and something else. They have onion and something else. Parmesan cheese. Something else. You put it and you shake the popcorn and you put it on top. And you go and I bought it for the house for my wife. And the fucking thing got hard. And the humidity is something.

until I'm so hungry right now that sounds so good but that that's what but yeah but it's different but it's hard I can't imagine $80 but it parking is crazy in Boston but in Boston you have the train this is going to be the thing and this isn't even their primary home they're going to be there for like two or three years and then to move to Englewood

oh that's right they were in the coliseum I last time I felt anything at a football game was 93 I went to see the jet against the Philadelphia Eagles and that was the last time I felt like a human being at an event ever since then while I'm sitting there I'm going I can't believe I did this for this ticket I can't believe I paid this much for this ticket I don't enjoy the experience because the whole time I'm thinking about how I got fucked in the ass so a part of me pisses me to fuck off you know for years I could just ask Joe for a ticket for a UFC

Right. And I would look at the ticket and see how much the ticket costs and I would get sick to my stomach. And I would tell Joe, don't you have cheaper tickets? I always like the top, the side on the top there. You know, not to sound like a fucking asshole. But I always felt weird. Like those tickets are $1,100 for New Year's and shit.

Remember years ago when Chuck was out? No, those tickets on the bottom are like $1,100 during the year. But on New Year's Eve, those tickets are $3,000. When Chuck Lowe fought somebody, I went, December 30th or something, one year or January 2nd, those are the fights that it becomes a complete different clientele. That's why those New Year fights, they always have to have a white headliner. It cannot be a Brazilian or something on those headlines. It's got to be Captain America. It's got to be somebody who's Connor McGregor, GSP, Gabe.

Alder, Aldo McGregor. What was it, 192 or something? That was... It wasn't New Year's Day? No, that was just, it was like middle, middle of December. But it was one of those big cards like that. Yeah, but no, the card right in between Christmas and New Year's, it's a different clientele. Well, this one was a different clientele.

That ticket that I had, I almost fell to the floor when I saw the ticket price. Which ticket? For Aldo McGregor. It was like December, like 13th. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the big... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was also Wydenman, right.

Rockhold, all that stuff. There was two championships. How much were the tickets? They were like, it was like five rows up from the floor to $2,000 on each ticket. It wasn't on the floor. It was five rows up. $2,000. At $8 a beer.

Now, whenever people tell me that shit, I always think I'm an American family. That's when I get pissed off. I think of an American family. I think of a guy who's a mechanic at Ford. and his wife is a school nurse. Right. And they want to go to a fucking, the kids want to go to a UFC. Yeah.

They got to go to fucking Vegas or the fuck and pay for these tickets. That's what I've never really understood. But I think tickets are more expensive than Vegas than around the country. I think they adjust them around the country to the something. I remember noticing that with concert tickets before. Here they would be, you know, one thing and over there another 50 bucks. It would piss me off because I played, you know, I went to see Julia serving against. against the fucking sixes against the Knicks Christmas Day.

To me, that's the biggest ticket. Like, I never thought I could score that ticket. I'd score that ticket for $17. Scalp for $20. That ticket would be. What would it be now? Well, when the Lakers play Christmas Day now, I looked at the cheapest ticket for the Lakers.

It was $2.97, and it was under the fucking fan all the way up on top on Christmas Day, $197. I'm sorry. Okay, again, so I'm a mechanic I gotta save up all year To give my kids two tickets To see the Lakers on Christmas fucking day That's rough, man That's rough

And I know that you have to Make a profit I'm not against you making a profit I know Kobe Millie Kobe whatever's fucking name is Harris Kobe whatever Brian is $30 million a year But that's your responsibility

what about the American family I mean this country was raised on baseball this baseball is supposed to be American there's few fucking stadiums that offer you I think the Bronco Denver has dollar tickets again but your son's got to sit with fucking ex-felons

right your son takes a glove they steal it from them you know this is what I'm also thinking about the safety at the stadiums you know I went to a Thousands of those fucking Mac games for 15 bucks. Thousands.

Thousands. You know, so, hey, whatever. Who the fuck knows? I don't know what they do with this money. I don't know. I used to go to a lot of concerts when I was late teens, early 20s. And I remember some shows that I'd buy tickets to, maybe $100 to sit in the most expensive seats. Maybe $100.

Now, $350 $0 easily for the same show. And you grew up in California. I grew up here. So where would you go see concerts at? The forum? No. I went to a few at the forum, I guess.

But it was more recent years. But Universal Amphitheater, when that existed. The Pond in Anaheim, which I don't know what it's called now anymore. The Pond in Anaheim. A pond in Anaheim. And I did some at the Staples Center. It was already around for me. But I went to a lot of club shows, too.

But the bigger ticket shows, it was $100 maybe to sit way up there. I remember scalping a ticket off of someone outside of an Aerosmith concert. And this was probably 2004, 5 for $100. And I was sitting on the floor. So what did you complain about? I wasn't complaining. But now that same ticket, when you paid 100 for what was the face value of the ticket?

It was pretty close. Back then it was still around that. 79 bucks, 80 bucks, something. About 100 bucks, maybe 120 bucks. Have you guys seen what's been going on at the Olympics with peckpocketing? I've been interested to get your take on that, Joey. It's Brazil. What did I say?

No, I'm just saying it's Brazil. Yeah, yeah. Aren't they kind of known for like, it's Brazil, but, like they're just running around the streets, just like snatching phones. Like phones and stuff?

Was that, was that anything that you ever experienced in New York or what? He was the one doing it. It's just crazy. I'm not saying that you were pickpocket, but I don't know. Nothing about the Olympics. Okay?

I don't know anything about the fucking Olympics. I don't know what's going on with the Olympics. and I got to tell you something. I got mouse defeat so I don't really give a Frenchman's fuck about the Olympics. But I will tell you something. Whoever decided on Brazil

for the Olympics doesn't even read the paper. Like, I'm not an international traveler, and I don't want to be an international traveler. It scares me. It just takes me out of my comfort zone.

Well, that too, but it just takes me out of my comfort zone. I don't know the laws. I don't know what you could do I don't know what you can't do You have one of the biggest events in the world Going to one of the worst places on earth Where the virus going on?

Where the virus going on That gives pregnant women Their kids come out with a funnel on their fucking head And men now it causes dimension It started in Brazil, didn't it? Oh, did it? Yeah The Zika virus started in fucking Brazil

So now it's seen in Miami You do know that Cubans are going to swim to fucking Texas now Who the fucking You have to go to Miami. I just bought a ticket to Miami. Yeah, and you better call them back because that ticket dropped. That ticket dropped to $2 to sit and they rub your feet and they fucking massage you.

Because who the fuck's going to go to Miami now? But it's just pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. It really doesn't matter. You're going down there to get a stabbing and you don't know what's going to happen. Maybe he gets bit by the Zika virus. Next thing you know, you're going to rest and practice with a kid that's kicking around because his head matches the mat.

The corner is there. I don't fucking know. I don't fucking know, Becky, but, you know, I've heard a thousand stories about Brazil over the years. You know, I've heard a thousand stories. You have to behave yourself. But then again, guys, it's like any other metropolitan city you're going to go to as a tourist. If you have tourists written all fucking over you, you're going to get robbed.

You're going to get robbed. There's people who wait all year for that type of shit. And you're going to be walking around playing Pokemon when you're walking on the phone. These people live in those things. Things called Bavaras. Favelas. They live in a fucking hut. And you're going to be walking around.

I know that something's going on. With a phone that costs more in their house. Right. Somebody got robbed in the Olympics. And he said he didn't get robbed. Oh, is that what I keep here? There's a thousand things going on down there. That people were fucking and sucking.

What are you doing? You go to Brazil? You don't go to pray? You're going to fucking suck. You don't mean? They're a Brazilian? They will fucking suck you. You have a bunch of athletes that are in their prime.

There's savages down there in Brazil. What do you think you go to Brazil for? Nobody goes to Brazil to fucking... They either go to fight, play soccer, or the fucking suck. That's it. Look at those Brazilians. They look like they fucking suck constantly. What's their menu?

They eat? You got to put a fucking thing on your plate that they keep giving you meat. When you eat that much meat, it's because you're fucking, Jack. Vegans don't fuck that. Don't eat that. Don't fuck that much. All right, Brazil? What do you think happens?

What the fuck do you think happens with it? A 20-year-old kids when you put them all together. Right? And they all look like beautiful. Yeah. Like, all these Olympians were like, yeah, they had a couple ugly ones that they put wigs on and makeup and fix the eyebrows and shit. But besides that, you know, I mean, it's a fucking poor place. Nothing else for different.

What do you think is going to happen? Did you hear about that peck pocket? Shit, half those motherfuckers are lucky they're coming back. I mean, I understand that. And I understand the theory behind it, but also, like, it's. Whenever I hear about pickpocketing, I imagine like someone just like sneakily one running through, maybe going into one purse. They're just running up and like snatching it from that. Are you talking about that video with a kid like jumps in the bus and pulls the phone out of someone's hand?

Yeah, that's it. Way, way, way, way, way. Way, way before. I didn't know anything about anything. You put the shit together. When it fucking hails in Colorado, people pick up their bags in New Jersey and go to Colorado and they're roofing people. because it's all people go to where the action is late. People go to what the action is.

You know, we were talking, who was here? Who was the guest? We were talking about New York in the 70s. When you walked down 42nd Street, what it became. You went from the regular movies on the one side, then the other side were regular movies, and then as you walked, it got the X-rayed, and that area also had people that were selling drugs.

Those people were also pickpockets. Those people also people, that when you went to buy drugs, all of a sudden they showed up as cops, and they took all your money so you didn't go to jail. You know, they're there at the end up at the store. There's some kid runs, and he goes, you're not going to believe it.

There's a guy out there offering people $400 to play a three-card Monty with him. What? $400. He'll give you $400, and then you have to put it in $400 of your own and play a three-carb Monty. That's the quickest scam in the fucking world.

I could tell you not to do it, but you're going to do it. And you're going to do it until you lose money. And then you'll call me back and go, can you fucking believe that guy? Joy, I'm going to go, what I fucking tell you? Not to fucking do it. I don't do it because I got taken for $20 when I was fucking in the eighth grade. I learned your lesson. And, you know, when you're in the eighth grade, you have $40 and somebody takes 20 of it.

You learn quick. And then the kid next to me, God rest his soul. came up to me and said, are you a fucking asshole? Don't you know that's a fucking scam? And while he's talking to me, he saw the card through his right eye. Even the guy even folds it.

You know what three card Monty is? You know what three card Monty? Absolutely. It's three cards. Yeah. It's two red ones and a black one. And he folds the black one and he goes, ready? Yeah.

Find the black one. And he starts doing this, moving the cards around. Next thing you know, Even the card with the fucking fold that you folded. He'll tell you to fold it. You'll put $20 down and it's a fucking red card. So what they do in New York in the 80s and late 70s and 80s, mid-80s, was you have a guy and a lookout.

And basically your office is a milk cart with a fucking piece of cardboard. That's your office. And people walk by. And if 10 people walk by, one of, they know it. percentage and also one comes over two comes over three and once they start playing then everybody wants to play yeah and also when you get a thousand two thousand dollars he says police you throw a thing up and you run and there you are going what the fuck what the fuck you took me three hundred dollars and you i used to see it constantly in new york and giggle and walk away

shaking my hand go thank god i learned it when i was 12 not when i was 38 like you did you fucking mongloid with your kids in front of you losing money on the street with your three little mongoloids there standing they're going daddy daddy what happened he's got i saw a guy to get taken for his travelers checks and i saw the same scam in new york city but you know where i saw it expertly in san francisco on market street i saw it that they had it down to a scam they had it down to the difference what were they doing they even had the cops in on it wow what we had some chinese cops in on it dog. These guys were fucking brutal down that. So does anyone ever win?

Ever a hand? Not a fucking dime. Not even one to like, let's give. But you're in with me. So I give Lee 200, I go Lee come over and play. And I let Lee win. And when Lee's up 400, I get three other suckers that go.

Lee'll start yelling. I won. I won because Lee's in for ten points. Sometimes I got a three-man operation, a four-man operation. And those operations, remember, pop two, three thousand every 15 minutes. So you do that twice in an hour. You do that twice in an hour at eight different

locations. Oh, you're good for a while? It's a tremendous fucking scam. But the other night, 2016, at the comedy store, a guy was doing it up front. Were people $400? Seriously? People were planning it. Because the kid came and he goes, I don't know, Uncle Joey, what do you think? I go, listen, go upstairs, smoke a joint. Forget about it, go do a spot.

Go mind your business. You don't even need That shit. Was Tony Bennett Lee? Oh, shit. Oh, dear. How are you feeling, Lee? I feel great. Pick up the pieces.

When somebody breaks your heart. Oh. Why don't you sing it, though? I can't disrespect Tony Bennett. Okay. You're so into it. You want to dance? Sure.

You lead. Or do you want me to lead? Keep it up, Lee. I'm going to have you up there dancing like my lupé on that fucking chant taking off you. Little Jew shoes and fucking jumping up and down. God fucking punish me for saying Jew shoes. I bit my own. I'll fucking. What do you give a fucking about those people?

I fucking murdered your son. You're going to stick up for that. Looking out. Yeah, thanks, buddy. When he breaks your heart to fit. Let's see. It's a beautiful song. It is.

So now you're what generation Cuban here? First. No shit. Yeah, both of my parents were born out there. So we were born out there, and then they went where, from where to where? My dad went to Mexico for a little bit, and my mom went to Spain for like six months before she came out here. No shit? What she said about Spain?

She was like four or five. She isn't. What the fuck kind of people of these? What the fuck kind of people of these and shit? They were in Spain where they're four years old. Who hangs like that? I don't know. I thought that's how, I thought that was what was normal as people go to other countries.

So she went there with her parents for six months and then came here. And then your dad went to Mexico with his parents. No, he was one of the kind of Peter Pan-type things because he went with his cousins and an aunt how old was he like 14 he left his family in Cuba how fucking rough is that they didn't come until like 10 years later a little more maybe

yeah yeah my dad was like in 1970 that was during all those Peter Pan kids right Peter Pan kids yeah they were doing that for a long time that's how Ricky Ricardo got up here that's how Rudy Sarjo came up in that program where they moved the whole family boat. So everybody knows

I'm moving. So Saturday I'm fucking picking up shit and I'm throwing shit out in my draw and I'm finding shit and I find my sister's phone number in Cuba. I take the car, I go to the liquor store. The biggest calling card they got is

five bucks. So I buy two $25 dollar calling cards. I asked the guy that he's any good. He goes, yeah. How long was that conversation last then? I didn't know until I fucking got home they were like eight minutes but we did get to talk a little bit after about a year and I ratted my uh uncle atara you know I said you have a couple minutes I go let me tell you what happened in 1984 I came out here my mom was dead I came out and asked him for help he spit

my face and she goes I know he said you tried to rob him I go I tried to rob him when he wouldn't fucking pay me what he owed me and I go my mom sent him money and she goes I know your mom sent everybody money we were talking and my sister always felt that my mom left her in the States but after we discussed it last time this time she goes you know there's something I got to tell you when our mom came to me she goes she was about to have you so she didn't want to have you here she wanted to have you in the States so she went to New York York was too fucking cold or something. So she went back to Cuba.

And then she stayed a little longer, but blah, blah. But then she would leave me and you with not her grandma. I always thought we stayed with our grandma. She goes, no, we stayed with a lady called Tita. That was her friend. And your mom would leave us. Our mom would leave on Monday mornings and come back on Friday. Where does she go?

She'd go to the city and she had a bookmaking operation. the restaurant and she would come back she goes she did that for a while and then every other week she would stay for two weeks and then she kept doing that and then one day she came and she goes she's done that she was putting you in school in new york but she goes i went to new york a few times like you guys do you remember and i go fuck no fuck no i don't remember nothing she goes oh yeah i got the pictures we she took us down to some fucking toy store she goes you were wrapped up you weren't even walking so it's fucking crazy she's got all this shit so then she goes the truth of the matter is when she came to me she wanted to leave because she wanted to put you in school i wanted you

to stay here she was seven she goes i want you to go to school here i wanted to be your big fucking sister she wanted to be in your life she didn't want to do that she wanted me in the united states to learn english so she took my sister said i'll stay here so my mom didn't leave it with the family they left her with tita so when they went back and she had me then my dad died her dad died they shipped them back she goes no i wasn't allowed to go to a funeral so yeah we were we talked about but the main thing she talked about was that she goes your family's a piece of shit right out i mean right out and i go you didn't know that i go you didn't fucking know that and she goes Let me tell you something.

When your family found out, our grandmother found out how much money my mother was sending Tita, she went out and took my sister and said she wanted that money. So she goes, I was raised according to how much money your mother sent. Our mother sent. You know what I'm saying? So it was kind of just it fucked me up. It fucked my day up because, like,

I told my wife, I don't know if I told you even told Lee this until now, you know, I've never cried wolf about my mom dying. Like I never, when I was like 20, I put it together. They didn't want to be one of those people. That was my badge of honor, you know what I'm saying? I'm not saying that my little sister cried wolf or my older sister cried wolf. What I am saying is my life ain't dick compared to hers. Like my life wasn't dick compared to her.

It was me waking up next to a piece of shit and me getting hooked on drugs. And my mom died. At least I had my mom for fucking 16 years where she didn't. And then she lives with this mystery because they couldn't tell my grandmother that my mom was dead.

You know that for a while. So for 10 years, this little fucking girl thought that her mother wasn't calling her. What she didn't know is that the fucking lady was dead. So for 10 years, this poor little fucking young girl

walked around in the mystery until the mother died, until our grandmother died, then they had the nerve to tell the fucking family that this woman died. Why didn't they tell? Who the fuck knows? I wasn't involved on that. I was trying to fucking walk around and be a man. I didn't know what the fuck was going on.

Did you ever think about going back to Cuba when you were young? Fuck no. Yeah, I knew that one was coming. Fuck no. Like when I was young, I talked to him on the phone. I talked to my sister when my mom would call. But it was the farthest thing. from my mind. The only thing I thought about was maybe

to go to Miami. That was my fucking Cuba. That was my fucking Cuba. And after my mother died, I had no numbers. I had no fucking numbers. I didn't know what to do or who to fucking call. The only one I kept in touch with my uncle out of here. That sack of

shit. But my fucking, I mean my fucking sister went off on the family. Oh, and they did. They treated like a fucking secondhand fucking. Secondhand citizen. So she was raised like the secondhand citizen. I offered her the other day to sponsor and get her up here. Yeah. She's telling me go fuck myself. Really? She's not interested in leaving.

She's 60 years old. Yeah. She's 60. What the fuck she's going to go now? I mean, my grandparents came when they were when they were older, but at the same time, their kids were already here and stuff. So why not? Like they were moving the whole family. It wasn't just... The fucking disdain, I would never even tell my daughter's, this. Well, my one daughter has to know by now, one way or another. But the little one, I would never, I don't want her to learn the word hate. I don't want her to learn the word stupid as a young age.

Stupid and hate a fucking, I rather than she'd say fuck to say hate to think about that emotion. Yeah. And my mom never taught me to hate, but let me tell you something. There's two people. fucking can't stand. And that's my uncle. Your uncle? And my fucking ex-wife. I mean, you know, Jim Jones had an out plan.

I had an out plan. If this didn't work on the way out, I was going to stab my uncle and then fly to Colorado and kill my ex-wife. And that was going to be the end of Joey D's. You never heard of Joey D's again. He'd go to a fucking jail cell and sit there and run. I was prepared to do that because of the hatred I have for those two. And when my fucking sister told me that when he went to Cuba,

In 89, he told him that like a dinner. He goes, oh, no, he's fucked up. He tried to rob me and shit. That's like the biggest smack of the face to me. Like, that was, fuck it. My sister said that her spine almost broke. My sister goes, I hadn't seen you, and I didn't know you. But I knew that wasn't you because I knew my mother.

I knew her mother, and I knew that she was, and how crazy she would. I mean, she hung out with a little bit. So it's just that, that, that, really that that brought the hate back to 1987 like I said when I was doing time I would call them once a week and threaten him in Spanish did you know that when I was doing fucking time in 1988 I would sit there once a week for your one phone call no I'd have whatever phone calls I want as long as you had called is you could make fucking phone call okay but I would call him in his house and Spanish tell him

that what I'm not that way and he would think I was Mexican and he'd start telling me all she didn't do. You can't do nothing to me. That wasn't my, that wasn't your wife. She's not with you no more. She's with me. Like he would just rat on the phone about the situation I had done to do with it. Wow. Lucky though it was I was somebody's Mexican husband or something. Is he still alive? Yeah. In fact. Do you know where he's on? Yeah, he's in Glendale. Oh. In fact. He's close. This whole conversation started because my cousin called the house in December, his daughter, who the whole war the second war with us like I love my uncle you know what I'm saying you both have a

relative you love him he's a piece of who you are that's who you are that's right but the thing he did in 84 I forgave but I didn't forget and whenever I would meet him to eat with him I mean he's my blood I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt it was still there like there was always that pause where somebody was going to ask what happened and one day I did ask at Langer's and he got really nervous and he was like, you showed up. I could see death was in your eyes

and I'm like, you fucking moron. Which I was fucked up when I showed up. I was crazy and I was out of my fucking murder but I was more broken. I was a broken fucking kid. I was 21 years old. The Olympics were in L.A. That's why I came here.

They got a job with the phone company. In 1984, what are you going to do? Things are weird, Becky. People are strange. You were like three? Yeah. Yeah, you were three.

1984. I was over here slinging dick already smacking motherfuckers and 84 carrying a gun. I came on here carrying a gun and shit. Now good luck doing that. Where the fuck was I going? So, you know, I fucking hate him though. I just, we tried to put it together for like three or four years and we did. And then we scheduled a Thanksgiving dinner. And she called me and said, he doesn't want to eat at the house. So I said, okay, fine. So I made other Thanksgiving plans. Then he called two days later. He goes, you're still coming over.

I go, no. Marta said, you know, that's not what I said. So do you understand it? It was one of those type of things. And then Christmas, we went to my other cousin's house, her brother. And there, she was sitting in the living room. Like, I got a cousin that's always causing more. That one, the sister.

And I went in the room. I go, why come you not sit with the adults? Get in there. That was a fucking problem. I'm like, there's always something with her. You know what I'm saying? Like, gosh, you don't like the guy's wife. Or, you know, me and my wife went to yoga with this lady for a year.

Sweet as a year lay in the year. Well, you know what we found that? It's my cousin's wife's sister. Like, after a year, for us doing yoga and calling her mom because she had two kids and talking to her and whatever. So we told my cousin, my cousin hated it. I fucking hate her. She's a two-faced, fuck. What are you talking about?

What are you fucking talking? So I just told her that day. Instead of sitting here, Hayton, it's Christmas. Go on the other room and mingle. It's fucking Christmas. You're still sitting there eating with fucking three-year-olds with my daughter and the thing. Go on and eat.

And she got pissed, so she never talked to me again. Really? So a year later, she called the house last December, and she goes, listen, my brother went to Cuba, and they gave him an envelope for you. So I asked my sister what was in the envelope, and she goes, I sent you a picture, your mother and your father's wedding picture.

So I got up yesterday. Why I go, listen, Terry, get my fucking cousin on the phone and give her the address here and tell her, mail the fucking picture. So she finally, a year, she called in December and said, I'm bringing you the picture next week when I go see my mother. Her mother's in a boarding home, right by that fucking old people restaurant. Up the block from my Berto Crane Jiu-Jitsu. There's a mall.

They have those old fucking restaurants that there's a McDonald's, there's a Burger King, there's a toy's a restaurant. Some victory. Isn't that a linger? No. DuPars. DuPars, where people go to eat and die. I'm surprised Lee don't eat that.

I can't wait for Lee to come back and go. I went to DuPas and had turkey dinner. Is it DuPars? No. I walked out of a DuPars. DuPars is the one on Ventura, correct? Yes. No, that's something else.

That's old or old people. But it's like a diner like that. Yes, it's a diner. It's DuPars. There's a few locations of DuPars. In the terrible parking lot over by I've been toward a little canyon. Where the Back to the Future Burger King is.

I'm talking about victory where there's a car dealership and there's a Cuban where we took mercy to eat for the baptism. If you go the long way there, there's like a little restaurant there. We went there at one time to eat with her mom. The fucking food, even the waiters were fucking like missing an eye. It's like worse than White Castle. It's fucking something from another planet than that. I've never been in there.

It's something from another planet. It does seem like that kind of diner. Yeah. So we went in there one time. Nothing is eatable. The turkey is old. The gravy looks like fucking, like this mixture. Yeah.

The stuffing was scooped up. The carrots were falling off. When the carrots don't want nothing to do with the stuffing, you got yourself a fucking dilemma. I mean, everything was bad, but, you know, I sat there with the baby, and we played and we talked. So the thing, the housing is right around the corner, is my point.

You know, on the way here, on the way they're saying, and I know she goes to see her mother. She says she was going to drop the letter. That was fucking December. It's August, and they never even called again. So I hope now that she sends the fucking envelope to the new house, and that's the end of that relationship with these people. It's tough when you have a family member who you don't like.

Because you're, like, I've been drilled into my head forever. That in the end, this is the only only people you're going to have. Right. And, like, well, maybe if I don't like them. I mean, so. It's not the entire family, usually. Listen, brother. There's just a select few.

I heard something when I was a young, young man that sucked. Listen, I know how it is with family. I've had family. I've had street family, and I've had no family. And you'd be fucking surprised who comes through the most. But I heard something once, that friendship is the only thing that you can choose in your life because you really can't choose your family. Right.

Really can't choose your family. You're stuck with your mother and your fucking father. You know, I mean, nobody hates their fucking parents, you know. But I never, I used to have this friend in Boulder, this Cuban kid, Danny Feebles. I still talk to him. Good friend of mine, a neon guy. And one day he came over to me and we were talking and he goes, you know, fucking Ryan, my partner. Ryan says that him and you speak more.

than him and his brother. And that it really bothers him. You know, that he never thought about it until he worked with me. And this kid talks to his Cuban brothers every day. He's got one Cuban brother that's so skinny, they call him Fatiga.

Because he's so skinny. They just call him. Fatiga means fatigue. Like, he just looks fatigued. A real funny Cuban family, really funny Cuban family. The father's dead now, God rest his own.

The mother died years ago. but what the fuck are we talking about? I don't even know. I'm so right. Those mushrooms got me fucking giggling here. That family isn't necessarily your blood. Your friends can be closer. You come up. I came up with no family. So for me, I understand the love of the family. You know what I'm saying? I see it from a different perspective. Would I be a different? Do you think I live in California or my mother lived in Jersey? at this age. Are you fucking getting me? I live around the fucking corner. Right.

I drive in a bingo. I go and eat. I yell at her. She'd yell at me. You know the fucking deal. I don't give a fuck about Terry and what she thinks. Terry'd have to live with it.

This is my mom, dog. That's the way life is. That's just the way life fucking is, you know. So when people tell me like, I worry about Lee's mom is away. You know, his mom lives in Boston. You know, I understand it.

I fucking get it. You know, like there's, uh, I, I get it. But then I also, I also get the part of people not fucking liking family, man. But I don't like when somebody passes and then there's feud. That I don't like. That's horrible. All those families should go to fucking burn in hell. That's terrible.

That's terrible. That's terrible. That's terrible. You know, that's terrible. People don't like each other. If you don't like your cousins since you were, I fucking get it. He tried to stick your head in the dog shit.

I get it, man. He's a creepy fuck. You end up being a pervert, so you're right. You don't like your fucking cousin. But for, you know, I just never dreamt of being in this position in a lifetime. I thought that when my mother died, my uncle would step up, and I can't lie.

He tried. Not overwhelmingly tried. He put out of his hand and he goes, if you want to come to California, we'll work it out. It wasn't like he kept calling me going, I want, yeah, I want, yeah, I want, yeah, what, yeah, what, you know. When I said, no, I'm sure it was a big bag of relief, nobody wanted a fucking 16-year-old kid that lost a mother at that home at that age, you know. It's tough one. But I thought family would have reacted differently.

And the best thing I learned was that your family doesn't have to be blood. Yeah. Not even by a fucking long shot. That's a farce. Yeah. And I'm living fucking proof of that. I'm living proof of that. The people who adopted me all those years,

their nephews and nieces have become my nephews and nieces. You know, I talk to Mike every week. I talk to fucking this guy every week and Bobby every week. You know, I talked to whoever I could, you know, when the time permits, like I never forgot those people. Those people became my people and they really are. They're my nieces. That's just the way fucking life is.

They're my nephews. It's just the way life is and not. It just bothers. It just bothered me that my sister said that, that I can't even imagine. And again, before the fucking phone hung up, because a little operator comes on, I explained to her that I wish we could have taken footage of my mother at night. Like, my mom got up like I did. Lee knows how I get out, Doug.

When I got up, I call Lee, and we start going. And we're rocking and rolling and we're laughing and we're saying fucked up shit. But Lee, after you hang up, are you nothing? the shower giggling going, what the fuck is my life become? I got this savage butt. And my mom went like that all day long on that McGregor pace, you know, all day long drinking, those fucking drinks hanging out with this crazy person and shit. But man, the last hour of her day was brutal.

Why? Because her day would catch up with her. That's when what's in the closet creeps up with you. And I would see her emptying on her bra. You know, like she would empty out her bra. She'd take out the cash. She'd take up the receipts for the day and this and that, a knife. And then she'd take out a little coke and whatever the fuck she had in her bra.

And then I would see the transformation of no matter how many drugs she did, no matter how many shots she did, no matter how much money she wanted to track that day, no matter if the Mets won and she was going to the World Series and she already had tickets, no matter how good her life was, the last 20 minutes of her day were horrible because she thought about my sister in Cuba. And no matter what was going on, no matter what was going on,

it overwhelmed her. I would see it. I would see it sometimes that she would have to go to another room and it would draw her to tears. That's how much I would see it. That no matter what was going on her life, so I stressed that to my sister.

I said, listen, man, you didn't see it. When she was dead on the floor, I could see what killed her. And 30% of what killed her was your relationship with it. She talked to her all the time, and she sent the money every week. They talked all the time on the phone. I mean, listen, man, in those days, my mother's phone bill was three hundred hours a month. Back in the 75. Back in that, yeah.

Yeah, her phone bill was always. She just didn't give a fuck. No. Number one, she called New York. 80 times a day. Our phone started at 8 with New York. What's going on? Where's the action going today?

What numbers? Remember, the Brooklyn number comes out at 3. But there's the New York number. And that comes out every half hour on the hour. You know, so you call and get that number. How do we do? Call back in five minutes. He's on the phone.

You know, all those things. There's a lot of people listening. to this podcast, you never had a landline or know that it used to cost money to call faraway places. That there was no unlimited. No unlimited. If you called a different area called, you got bang, dog. Yeah. They used to be this thing, sports phone.

We've discussed it before. If you're a gambler, way before CNN sports, way before anything, you know, either you had a radio that could listen. Let's say tonight you lived in L.A. And you bet Milwaukee against the Lakers. Your sister fucks the center from the Lakers. She told you that his asshole hurts, they party, they did blow last night. They're not going to be able to be a ball.

Okay, so what are we talking about? Sports phones or something? Sports phones. Let's say tonight you call your bookie. That's an 8 o'clock. How do you find the score now, Lee? You go to ESPN.com. Yeah, but if there's no way.

Then, how do you find this story back then? In 1985, what would you do? No ESPN, no fucking thing here. No way, no CNN that gave you, you know, there was one channel that gave you ESPN. I was going to say, what, is this a televised game? You can't, can you call someone? No. So these are just, yeah, there are one of the other games.

That you couldn't watch. There's no other basketball game that you could tap into it even get that score. But there was a call. It was a phone. 1-800-talk sports. So you would call them, and they would go, this is Lisa had, up to the hour. On the money, every money, every 15 minutes

giving you the new report in the NBA. No, first they would go, all right, by the way, for free pecs, go to 888-651, 8-181, and get your free pecs. Stop being a loser. Meanwhile, you're being charged. By the fucking minute. And then they're going to go down a list

and you can't pick which game. You have to sit there and listen to the whole list. So God forbid, you bet a Tuesday and it's college basketball. Oh, my God. And you being the loser who you are at that time. Because if you're calling sports phone, you're the kiss of death anyway. Buildings are falling next to your. People are dying.

You just wait for somebody to give you the fucking memo. And you would call sports phone. Let's say you bet the lake is Milwaukee. And it would open up. Good evening. This is Chip Chenery for all sports. And by the way, 800444-44-4-4-4-4-4-4-4. Get free picks right now.

This is Chip Chinnery back here talking to you from the world of sports. Okay, number one, let's go down on the list of college basketball. Once he said that, your tempo was furious. And he would do it fucking lightning quick. Florida Michigan State, what I want to do? Oh, so now he became a little. So you're sitting there going, Jesus Christ, you're at a bar. There's music on.

Yeah, God forbid you miss it. And you're like, and now to the NHL. Yeah. And now to late breaking news. You know, baseball. China's ping pong team will not make the Olympics. And you're like, I don't give a fuck about China's fucking ping pong team. Give me the score.

The Lakers against the fucking Milwaukee bucks. And they're spitting out everything. Spit out everything. And then finally the NBA. And the off of a sudden they're like, and your game is last. And then, God forbid you miss it. Yeah, like God forget.

What did he say? 60, 6, 60. God damn it. God damn it. Lila, give me some more fucking quarters, will you? That was the bartender's name. A gentleman who were kids. We would be calling that fucking number all night at the bar for 50 cents,

so you don't really realize it. It's when you go home and you would call it all night long. Let's say you were in Jersey and you bet the Lakers. Lakers don't start in New York until 10.30. That night? Yeah. The Lancastery at 7.30. That's 10.30 in New York.

And you didn't want to wait until the end of the game? You had to call over. Oh, no, no. You will fucking call all night. When you get home, when we would get home in those days, that's the first thing Mike would say to me, what's the score in the Laker game? They're the only motherfuckers that could save me.

I don't know. What are we going to do? I don't know. Put the TV on. What's going on? Call that call sports wrong. You would call sports phone every 15 minutes. Because what you want to do is get it in the rotation.

and sometimes you recall they would be busy oh your blood pressure would boil and shit what are your parents say when they see a $400 sports phone

well my parents were dead but I had like Whitey O'Donnell Chuckie McBreen I had like three or four friends in the eighth grade who went to the gambling bug with me and what we're doing the eighth grade

is just called each other up and bet like we would split a five-timer what's a five-timer it's 1250 if you win 15 if you lose we're kids so let me tell you some 1250

when an album is $6 and a movie's $2 that's a lot of money though I still got $3 to take mom over and gather an ice cream and be finger banged up behind the church what are nuts or what Oh my God

gambling it in fucking high school The one thing my high school did for some reason we were playing dice it was like the widest high school in america and i played dice it's really it's weird

I don't know look at the shape of you yeah you're talking about dice is weird dice is fun for you it looks like two ice cubes what that's why it's weird because you can't eat it cuckusack

telling people the acid smells it smells like garlic and then you put this kiss of death on me every 15 minutes give me a report about fucking like it's the fucking sports thing. So you got two tournaments this weekend. Yes.

But on, no, but Matt Therapy is doing their own fucking thing. So you're really working this podcast into a tournament. It's like an EBI junior and shit. Yeah. I like, you got Victor working it? Not yet. Maybe someday. No, we've got

a tournament on September 18th in Pasadena. It's the LA No Gee Open. and we're also doing, we're doing like these open map beach party things. And so the next one, we did one the day after the last EBI. And we're going to do it again the day before EBI because the EBI 8 is on a Sunday, September 11th. So we're going to do September 10th at the beach in Santa Monica. And if you leave early, there's not that much traffic.

It's not that bad a drive. What, to Santa Monica? To San Monica. Listen. I got shows that night. Anyway, I got shows that night. Thank God. Thank God.

Thank God so you don't feel obligated to drive to Santa Monica. Fuck that. That's for young people. That might sit in traffic on a Saturday and walking for parking and then walking around with a cooler and sweat. Oh, I'm doing it for this. I wouldn't do that on a regular basis. What's that? Drive to Santa Monica?

Uh-uh. Uh-uh. That's like the other side of the world. It really? That's what it seems like after a week. walk oh i do yeah listen i could tell my acupunctures she just never called me again once she could 10 years once she closed her office because she knew she knew it wasn't going to work wasn't she right here down the street she was but she lives in marina del re and her office is in marina del rea oh yeah so she would only

come up here once a week now that's too much think about it from her perspective she was coming up and She only had three clients. It wasn't really worth her while, you know. So when she moved, you know, she goes, you're still my client. Call me. And then I told her, I called her for no surgery, and I forgot. But she never even called me. I know this woman.

She always called. She always called. You know what I'm saying? Always to check on the cats, the baby. How are you? What's going on? I mean, this is rare for her not to call. But I just took it as maybe it was just a break.

up. It was time to fucking break up. Maybe it was time to do something else of your life, you know. I'm not driving a Marine and don't ready to get acupuncture. You still haven't talked to? No. It's the weirdest fucking thing. Yeah, so I don't know what happened.

Well, Fush is okay? Yeah. Listen, man, she always called the fucking house. I don't know what to do. I don't want to call and seem like I'm fucking threatened her or what's that word when you stalk somebody. I don't want to seem like a stalker. Her and I used to talk all the fucking time.

If something happened to, somebody would have read it in a paper, and the cops would have fucking call me. My name is her fucking phone, right? They would have called and said, where were you on July 8th? You know, it's like a law and order fucking episode. I don't know.

Joey, Becky, is like, where she's really into social media and everything. And there's a word that I wanted to get your opinion on. Like what you think about it. A word? Yes. Adulting. You're asking him how he feels about the word adulting?

Yes. I'm asking him how he feels about the word adulting. I don't even know what it means. That's number one. I feel like he's about to tell you to go fuck yourself. No, I don't even know what it means, number one. Number two, it's got nothing to do with me, I guess. It's being a grown-up, yes?

Yeah, it's like what people who, like, the millennials who you hate that term, are saying whenever they do something like making their... Do their laundry? They're adulting? Yeah. They need a pat on. It's their way of patting themselves on the back. I adulted today. I did my laundry. Listen, these poor people.

These poor fucking... I had to get a job. I'm adulting. I don't know nothing about those words, Lee. They don't mean nothing to me. You know, listen, Lee, you get up, you wash your pussy, you smoke a joint, you eat your cereal. And you go out there and you do the best you could do every fucking day. I don't know if it's adulting or that. I know when I was eight and I would come home.

In the summer is my stepdad will fucking wake me up at four in the morning and I have to go to this market To get roses and flowers gladiolos Cubans like gladiolos and people in New York like gladiolos in those days There's this long three-foot fucking thing and they have different colors and we would get other flowers also I didn't know what though daisies and shit I don't know what their fucking name But are you sent to take the fucking flowers pick up these cases take them into like a Acela floor down 57th and hudson street and then I would take the fucking roses and take a de-stemmer and with gloves on I would

de-stem the fucking roses when I was eight nine and no summers I would de-stem the fucking roses and I would get little picks on my fingers and I would do that until about 10 and then about 10 I had like a half-hour break and then at 11 o'clock maybe around there I would eat Cuban food like a 10 and then 11 had to fucking cross the street and they had a butcher shop which is really a numbers office but it was a butcher shop so I had to go over there and stock the shells and throw all the fucking empty meat things away. Now, when I was eight, guess what I did with the $10 they paid me? I'd go buy fucking balloons or firecrackers,

or I'd stick a fucking condom up my asshole. At that point in my life, I didn't think I was adulting. I think I was buying shit. I was getting money so I could buy shit so I could waste it. So I don't know what the fuck adulting is. I have no idea. I didn't feel like an adult, and I was making $10, $20 a day. They were paying me at that age.

for an eight-year-old. Fuck, yeah. I can make $150 over there in West New York a week over there with them chopping up meat and fucking, I would never chop up the meat because I would faint if I cut my finger. So it kept me away from knives in those days, and I was just allowed to throw away fucking throwaway boxes and shit like that. These fucking people are going to give shitting a new name pretty soon if we let it, you know? You know what it's called living your life?

Did you ever just live your life without a fucking code or without a fucking name? or without a fucking motion or without a hashtag. Is there a thing called, you know, I sit there some nights, Becky. And I go, wow, I can't believe I've laid this story on people. You know, like I've laid this story on people, like on a podcast or whatever. The other day, somebody was telling me about what's happening. I did this Irish. I'm like, we can't believe you told that story.

Listen, you know what? I can't believe I got the story, but in a way I'm proud because I have the story. To tell. Yeah. These people are going to be living in a fucking hashtag in three fucking years. That's it. That's their fucking life, bro. I see the amount of people that just text all fucking day.

Yeah. Did I give shoutouts? No. That's how high I fucking am. That chocolate mushroom wasn't bad, huh? Yeah, but it's pretty fun. Let's polish this motherfucker all. Pat Shea, Corey Layton, Jody Parrish, Chris Castro, David Repreza, Jason Seagas,

Brandy Lynn, John Cutler and Amy and Dante motherfucking Gazini sending me a Cuban CD the other day to the comedy store. Give a shout out to Jeff Couch. Give a shout out to Jeff motherfucking couch. How's that one for you? Stop with the fucking shoutouts. All right.

What's going on with you? I'm not going to keep batting. Are they going to go flying tomorrow morning? No, no fault. Yeah, yeah. I'm going. Are they going to slip out your hand? You want some more stars, like?

No, I think we'll get for the night. You need two more, maybe three more to get the party started right. Go eat after this. It's Sunday. Why not, fuck, Walker. We got these stars here. We'll pick up a shipment this week again. Just polish off the bag between the two of you.

What the fuck? There's nothing in this. I'm about 15. We could eat 15 stars you and me like most people fucking. We got the look on his face. He looks terrified. What have? We already have eaten 15 stars today.

Let's eat some more. Okay. It's a good fucking week. It's a holiday. I don't even know. When I come back? What holiday is it? It's a Cuban holiday.

We're going to celebrate. You're going to be like this. This is the week that I get to go to San Diego for the Jews to jump up and down. I'm sorry, what? What day are you doing that, Lee? For the Jews to jump up and down? We're going down Thursday night, Friday, and then we'll come back Saturday. Really?

Is that so? Are you taking any drugs with you or anything? Never. Are you going to go down there like a fucking half a fucking army? like you did last time with the wife. No, of course we'll take some stars. Dada. But this, yeah, this was...

Did you ever show my little Cuban princess over here how you dance at those things? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you made me do it before, too. I do enjoy your dancing. Yeah, yeah, see. You've never done the dance. After the podcast, we're going to put that fucking music on, and you're going to do a little dance for her in the show.

Are you going to do, like some wedding, like Jewish wedding stuff? No, no, no, no. This is a band, a techno band. And we goes and jumps up and down. He never knew that about it. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Wait, do you see this one?

I'm made of many mysteries. Thank God I give him fucking stars. Yeah, you are. I can't believe he used to go to those things straight. Not even alcohol-d-up. He would sit in the back. Look at them. Look at them.

I went to sit there and mingle. Who the fuck are you going to mingle? Who the fuck would want to mingle with you? He also used to not speak to anybody, so I remember. I remember those days. He goes to those kinds of. with shirts like that, like he shook Knight's assistant, and then he's got a fucking water bottle.

Who wants to talk to him? You know, show up with a fucking cocktail, with a straw in it, or an umbrella, something. And we know he wasn't going to do that. I mean, he's a handsome motherfucker. I'm a dork, thrown through. No, you're a dork. Yes, I am.

I can just imagine, you got to show up at those concerts with a big, blunt like Snoop Dog. And they're all looking. You're like, what the fuck's he thinking? That's right, motherfucker. Because this is what I'm thinking, motherfucker. Give me the paintwork, will you? So when is the tournament?

This week you're doing, now you're still a blue belt or a purple belt? Blue bow. Look at you, you bad, motherfucker. It'll be a year next week because I got my blue bow. And how many stripes had he give you already? He doesn't do stripes? He don't do stripes. It's just a surprise.

One day he's going to come out with that purple belt and he's going to say my name and that's going to be it. You like going to see Mass Addy? Yeah. Yeah, you like it over that. That's the most important thing that you like where the fuck you're going. So you're doing the two tournaments this week. So Saturday, you're doing which one? Subfighter in San Antonio.

Subfighter in Santa Ana. And Sunday is the world. Gracie World. That's a good one. Rose Grace, you'll be down there? Fuck, yeah. And Harvey Vasquez. And Harvey Vasquez.

They'll be doing that thing. Now, what weight do you have to go at? I thought a bug landing on your home. It was a little love beauty mark you have there. I never saw it before. That's amazing. You've been sitting here for an hour. I never saw that beauty mark before.

I never looked at your muscular shoulders. No. Uh, 1.30 on Saturday. So you go 1.30 on Saturday and 1.30. And then on Sunday, there's only two women's division. It's 135 below and then 136 and up. So you can eat that night? I'm weighing in on Friday night, so I'm going directly to in and out as soon as I'm done.

So then, but you want to stay on the 136 or not at 1.30, you'll never make it. What? No, no, because the one Sunday is 130. Well, that's, no, that one's 135. Oh, okay. Yeah, so I can go eat. Perfect. Perfect.

Now, the one that you guys are doing at a part of math therapy, what's that weight level? Those were doing MMA weight classes. So it's going to be the 115, for the women, 115, 125, 135, 135. And they shift the woman's torment. No, there's men. Okay. And it's the same thing. I think that one starts at 125.

Is that on the beach too? No, that's in Pasadena. I hope none. No fucking sand on my toes. I got a maneuver with sand on my toes. No. You got to go for the football with fucking sand on his toes. Never mind that fucking little strip of meat that's hanging from his calf.

God knows what the fuck that is. And where's that? No, that's going to be at a CrossFit gym in Pasadena that has plenty of mat space. Beautiful, beautiful. And what's up in your world? Are you just going to sit there and nod back and forth like a swami from salami? You're going to talk. You've got a fight in this fuck.

A dog in this fight. What's up with you? No, I'm doing good. Like I said, in the last episode, I was launched in the website, which is going great. And that's it. That's what's going on. That's all I'm doing right now, man. I'm trying to work out podcasts.

I'm doing the Matt Therapy Podcasts with Becky and Donna Gonzalez. Woo-woo. Woo-woo. In the house. It's your favorite one, right? I mean, aside from this one. Absolutely. And then that's it.

Just that's what I'm doing. Well, I'm happy that's all you're doing, because I thought my fucking, I thought my fucking life, I was ready to shoot a gun. I'm glad I can inspire you. You do inspire me. When you're out doing shit, you're a young man. You should be out mingling and shit. You know what I'm saying?

Go mingle. I'm not much of a minglinger. No. Yeah, I was... Anyway. It's like the opposite of you. Let me talk to you people about something. This Friday, I'm moving, and I got a mattress.

And I showed my wife this helix sleep, and she looked at it, and she came back, and she goes, you got to get this mattress because you're fucking different. You like sleeping on one side. You like it hard or soft. And my wife likes it medium. So she looked at the fucking mattress. We got the code from Helix sleep. We cut a deal with them.

And we're trying the mattress out exactly like that. You know why? Because you're unique. You don't walk like everyone. You don't talk like everyone. You don't sleep like everyone. So why is your mattress one size fits all? You ever think about that?

Because a custom mattress will cost you $5,000 to $10,000. bucks. That's why, until now, we're going to introduce Helix Sleep to you, where you can buy a mattress online customized for hundreds of dollars instead of thousands, okay? First off, you go to helixleafleap.com, you answer a few simple questions based on four key preferences. And the result will be a custom sleep profile used to build you the most comfortable mattress you'll ever sleep on, okay? Your mattress will arrive at your door in about a week. and shipping, you ready for this one, is 100% free, because that's what usually kills you. After, and for couples, Helix customizes each side of the mattress.

That's what I'm talking about. Helix customers report a 30%, 30% improvement in sleep quality. You have 100 nights to try it out, and if you don't love it, they'll pick it up for free and give you 100% refund, no questions asked, okay? The other reason why everyone from GQ magazine to Forbes are talking about this Helix mattress from Helix Sleep. So do me a favor. Cut this shit.

Go to helixleep.com slash Joey. I'm going to give you $50 off your order. Again, that's helix sleep. com slash Joey. J-O-E-Y. I'm going to give you $50 off your order. Again, Helixleep. com slash Joey.

It's time. that you started sleeping correctly, okay? I'm trying to get your sleep. People don't know the importance of sleep. You got a shitty mattress. You wake up your backs fucked up. Your neck's fucked up. You can't sleep right.

How are you going to perform the next day at work? How's your girl going to like? You're going to be walking around angry. Fuck that shit. Go to helixleep.com slash Joey right now and open up your world. We're going to give you $50 off your first matches. Who's better than us, huh?

It's a fucking Sunday night. We're coming on to you. So when you wake up tomorrow, Right now you're waking up, you're going, Jesus Christ. Thank fucking God Joey and Lee and Becky fucking welcomed us. And I got better news. It's Monday. Labor Day is two, three weeks away, whatever the fuck it is.

I'm not big on holidays. I don't give a fuck every day we work here. Seven days a week who gives a shit? I don't know the last time I woke up and said, oh, we have Monday all. I don't give a fuck. I work every day. Fuck it.

That's the only way you get ahead. You want to fucking live like the rest of the people and take the day off, do that shit. Savage is we work every day. Immigrants, we work every fucking day. We don't give a fuck. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, Wednesday. We don't give a fuck.

What is it? If it ends and day, we're working. Yeah, we're working. I don't give a fuck. So everybody's going to be party, you know, right? Everybody wants to have a good time. Everybody wants to rock and roll. You know, most of the parties, you go to, I mean, some people are savages.

Some of the people hang out with, they got no class. You can walk in there with a 12-pack. They don't give a fuck. But if you want to mingle with the upper-class people, you want to talk to nice people, sometimes. you gotta show up with a bottle of wine. Yeah, it's nice you show up one of those fucking boxes of wine, and then people drink that shit, and they get a headache, they wake up with a headache, and now they're cursing your fucking name.

So you try to be Joey Bananas, and you, you know, I mean, you're fucking stuck. You don't know what to bring people. You ever been in the aisle, wine aisle, at your local store, and you're staring at a massive selection of wine, and you've got no idea what bottle to choose from me, and everybody's done that. Most of us go with a bottle that has the best-looking label and hope it's going to be good. Well, those days of playing Russian roulette with your wine selection are over.

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No more going to the store and being lost in the wine aisle like a fucking one of those people from the walking dead like those assholes. Again, that ends right there, all I want you to do is this. Instead of doing this shit, because remember, time is money. You can get hit by a car tomorrow and there you want a wine aisle. What do I get fucking yelping like Lee? You don't need that aggravation. Go to Club W right now. We're offering you $20 off your first order when you go to clubw.com slash Joey right now, and it gets even better.

I know you have paying for shipping. Bam! Club W actually pay for your shipping on orders of four bottles or more. Listen, we cut out the middleman. It's from the fucking grower, direct to your door. That's how Club W works. All right. So take something off your to-do list.

Get four bottles. Let's say you take two to the barbecue. You save one for Halloween. and you save one for Thanksgiving. Who's fucking better than you? Do you do me a favor. Go to clubw.com slash Joey.

I'm going to give you $20 off your first order right now. Again, that's clubbw.com slash joey. Go get the wine you deserve. Four bottles. Bang, there you go. You got your fucking holidays covered. Nobody needs to bother you no more. And you know what?

You end up looking like a fucking savage because nobody else is getting this fantastic wine at this price, but they don't know that. They think you paid more. Go to ClubW. dot com slash joey right now. I'd like to thank my little beautiful fucking Cuban cousin here

Becky Gonzalez, whatever fucking name is and my main man Lysayette does not know what fucking planet he's on for you. You're going to rehab tomorrow and so we're going to get you to pick a different last name for me. What?

Every day, who gives a fuck? I don't want them to know your real name makes you know they're bothering you on Facebook trying to fucking fill you up and shit. You know what I'm saying? Thank you for perfecting me. You gotta look out for our own How you doing my little brother?

I'm doing fine You know why this happens to you? Because you had a training On the weekends I'm in training I did a thousand last night You're fucking around I'm in training

I love Fucking around There's some colors You're not looking that bad today I'm doing fine There's what He's not looking that bad today There's some colors going around

But I'm doing cool He's falling asleep You weren't looking at them I'm watching like a hawk You're falling asleep I feel like I've seen her Yeah get it together Cocksuckuck

I love you guys Guys, have a great week. Thank you for starting out the week with the church. Listen, September 15th, Austin, Texas, September 24th and 25th, New York City, Gotham Comedy Club, you bad motherfuckers. See you Wednesday. Stay black. Don't tell you nobody I don't fucking love you, because I love you, cock suckers. This show was brought to you by Helix Sleep.

Go to hillocksleep.com slash Joey right now to get $50 off of your order. That's right, hillocksleep.com slash Joey to get $50 off of your order and shipping is always free. That's helixleep.com slash Joey. Show is also brought to you by ClubW. Go to ClubW.com slash Joey right now to get $20 off of your first order. And when you get four bottles or more of their curated wine that's going to save you money even before the deal, you're going to get your shipping paid for. That's right.

On orders of four bottles and more, ClubW will pay for your shipping. So it's clubw.com slash Joey, clubw.com slash Joey. Whistle musically. Oh, dear. Drop the ball. That was.