The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #414 - Josh Adam Meyers

Episode Date: September 20, 2016

Josh Adam Meyers, comedian and the creator and host of the Goddamn Comedy Jam joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/JOEY to get your first three meals free and free shipping!   Texture. Go To texture.com/JOEY to get a free trial for the Texture App. The Texture App gives the use access to hundreds of magazines   Recorded live on 09/19/2016.
    

This show is brought to you by texture. Go to texture.com slash Joey and they're offering our listeners a free trial. You'll gain immediate entry to all of the top magazines, including back issues and bonus video content. That's texture.com slash joey. Show is also brought to you by blue apron.com. Go to blue apron.com slash joey and check out this week's menu and get your first three meals for free with free shipping included. That's blue apron.com slash joey, blue apron.com slash joey. Oh shit.

Halloween is not creeping up on you. It's the church of what's happening now, bitches. Without the candle, I forgot it. What are you going to do? Strap on your motherfucking seatbelts. I could have been backstage at Black Sabbath, but I fucking went with you, motherfuckers. You know why?

Because I love you. 10 o'clock after I talked to you. A kid I haven't spoken to in two fucking years calls. And he goes, my girlfriend can't fucking go tonight. And you're the only other sad. Sabbath fanatic. He got the VIP package, the whole fucking... You know you could have told me I would have come.

It's not about that. It's about commitment. We've got to give these people they wake up Monday, mornings, Tuesday. Here you go, cock suckers. Kick that meal leak. Oh shit. Are you fucking kidding me? The wind don't wait for no one.

Cozy Powell on the drums. Listen to this shit. Kick that me a little league. Kick that meal. I think there's a little YouTube. Here we go. Oh shit. Blood on the streets, cock suckers.

Oh, my God. Watch that foot. Church of what's happening now with my main man, Lee Syatt and Josh Adam Myers. What's up, everybody? Master of fucking music. I love him to death. We want to talk about the goddamn comedy jam

and all that fun stuff. We took, I want to first thought to give a shout out to the man of the church, Bobby Sharon, down in Austin for almost killing Lee. He took him the Chewis and barbecue. Oh, Black's barbecue. The best.

Chewis was an experience. Like, I can't even, I feel like a lot of people who listen and watch to this, Joey, are like, they laugh. But they're like, why is Joey so, so, like, why does you have all these rules about food? Ranch is okay. I like hummus. But after going to specifically Chewis, I can understand a little bit of why you get so serious. What about food? What rules do you have?

I just don't understand. why you're eating this shit when the good shit's available to you. With like fast food and things like that? Just a bunch of shit like that. We fucking complain. It's on TV. But it's like anything else in life.

You know, they advertise cigarettes or kill you. I smoke cigarettes for 10 fucking years. Cocaine will kill you. We all did. It's no difference. But when it comes to food, I have this fucking burning desire. Like, after my mother died, I didn't eat that food no more.

just because I knew it would never be the same. Nobody's going to make it like moms. And I've tried it. One time I broke my rule and I almost wanted to shoot myself. What do you mean? Like comfort food or like meatloaf shit like that? All kinds of fucking food like Cuban food, Chinese food, fucking, you know, shit like that. Do you eat Chinese food?

I mean, I do, but I haven't found a place out here in Los Angeles. Okay, number one. That's what I'm talking about. Shit like that. Mm-hmm. That will keep going to a shitty Chinese restaurant. Then when they're like, why am I eating this? This is not what I grew up with.

Yes. 100. This is not the quality. I'm never eating again until I go home. But when I was in San Francisco doing outside lands, like we went to Chinatown and there's a spot there that I ate that I ate that and it was incredible. It was incredible. Couple spots. But out here I don't have one yet. No, no. And you'll have one for a while and then they'll go sour on you. I had that experience now last night, not with Chinese food, but like one of my like fucked up meals is Shake Shack, which is just like that New York like burger place. It's like a burger place. It's like a in and out for like. the East Coast, but they opened up one in like Boytown, like one like Crescent, not Crescentia, it's with La Cienega and Sita Monica. And, and I went there last night.

I've been going there, not routinely, but like once every couple weeks. And I went there last night and it wasn't right. It didn't taste right. And now I'm done with it. Because it's about consistency. Again. It's all consistency. Nobody wants to be consistent.

Just be consistent. And they're corporate. So they don't have to, you know what I'm saying? Like when we were kids, we grew up at Mitch's deli. Okay, I'm just saying the name. But I've been to Mitch's, I'm in the Mitch's. I had my Mitch and there's Zeus's. They're all whatever.

And you had your Mitch? These mics are too high, brother. These mics are too high. Well, we're going to blow each other out here. Everybody has their Mitch's deli. So now you go into that deli. You become friends with Mitch. He knows what you want.

He even goops on you. Oh, it's Mr. Munster with turkey on a fucking piece of bribe bread. Extra gravy on his fries. You put me out of business with all the gravy you get. And you know, I know, I should charge you, but I don't. And they bust your balls. Yeah, of course. And when something's fucked up, you could say, Mitch, what the fuck?

Yeah. You didn't put your glasses on today, Mitch? Oh, I'm sorry. I'll throw in a complimentary pickle. You know, and you're like, what the fuck, Mitch? I be coming in 10 years. I don't give a fuck about your pickle. You're slipping.

Yeah. It's done. He'll only do that once in his life because maybe his daughter stayed out late. And by mistake, he'll put fucking mustard instead of mayonnaise. Sure. Sure. You know what I'm saying? I go to that.

I used to go a couple weeks, like a year ago. I'm trying to lose weight. So sometimes I go by that fucking Jersey mics. All I want is turkey on wheat with cheese, mayonnaise, and fucking lettuce and the tomato, salt and pepper. Do you know I asked them like three times they fucked that sandwicher? How do they fuck that out? You know why? I'll tell you why.

Because the first. the fucking dude stops you and he goes, what do you want? And you tell him. And then he puts him the thing. So this jerk off over here is putting shit on the thing. He's talking to you,

but also he goes, what do you want on yours? So nobody can do that. He's getting like five orders at once. So you say, somebody says jalapeno is the next thing he throws a couple of pieces on yours. Unless you grow up in that,

you're not going to be that good. That jersey mic shit. So after three or five, four times they fucked up my sandwich. I can't go back there. Not to mention it's fucking horrific. Yeah, their kid's working at New York Film Academy. It's horrific.

He doesn't give a fuck about it. It's horrific. Well, nobody, dude, most people that work in places don't give a fuck about. That's why my dad always said this, and this is something I respect more than anything. If you're going to go to a restaurant, make sure the owner's there. Make sure the owner's in the building. No chains, no, fuck. I don't give a fuck if they've got two stores.

Like, he's like, go to the one that the owner, you know what I mean? Go to the original joint because they give a fuck. You know what I mean? When I grew up, we know. never went to. There's like an Outback Steakhouse. It was like the most popular restaurant in Germantown, Maryland, where I grew up, and we never went there. We always went to like Italian Pines or we wanted a steak. We went to like Chris Fields or some shit like that. It was just that was what my dad believed in. And every time we went there, it was a dope meal, food was right.

And like you said, if they fucked it up, they were like, oh, you didn't enjoy it tonight, Mr. Myers? Let me hook you up. You know what I mean? I'll give us some tear of Miss Sue or something. You know what I mean? Complementary pickles. Yeah. It's the same shit. You know, it's just, and I'm used to all those little things. I'm used to, you know, the food to be quiet. And I catch myself a lot of times. I go to a place, eat, and go, that wasn't bad. And I'll go there again as I'm eating.

I go, this is fucking terrible. This is fucking terrible. So with Lee, if there's a bad restaurant, Leo Pickett. He's just got that love. I love him with all my heart. He's a great kid. He's like, I heard about this place. Apple babies. It's going to be good.

His first intention is just God off. And you sit there and go, wait, I can't believe this is what you're looking at. Saturday, we're in the hotel. When I call him, I go, what's going on? He goes, none. I just woke up. Now, we actually sat the day before

and we're breaking down Austin food. You know, their specialty is Franklin's, it's barbecue, blacks, and all that stuff. And we spoke about Chewis and Papacitos and all these little mom-and-pop taco places. He mentioned a few trucks he's from Connecticut uh bobby's so he said you know the chinese food just got awful

there's once there's always that one spot that's a five but when they fuck it up it's a three so that you don't go back again and uh yeah he said all this stuff you know the chinese food just got awful next more i talked to lee and it's like lee never heard the conversation he goes this a chinese place up the corner over here i heard the conversation they got kung pow or some shit though Goombao or whatever, baobao. I'm like, Lee, I don't know what happened with the fucking Asians that we grew up

but never made it down here. To Austin? Yeah, and it's just, I've never come to Austin if somebody said, you gotta go to this Chinese restaurant. Never, 20 years ever gone to Austin. It's a lesson. I go, Lee, you're in the land, the fucking, you know, and you want

to go to some dump, but we just discussed this. Yeah. But he would have gone. It was right across the state. And got sick, and ate Billy goat meat and the whole fucking thing. He's picking like lobster rolls in Idaho. Yeah, it's just, you know, it's trying.

Yeah, I mean, it was right across the street and I didn't want to do it. He believes Yelp. He listens to Yelp. Yelp's a crockish. So Yelp is all these fucking Gentiles that live around the corner, they live in Studio City. What the fuck they know about? They don't do anything.

Nothing. They eat fucking pizza from that place where the, if you eat the salad, your wife will give birth to three days. Get the fuck out of here. Some fucking salad dressings that I make my wife snap. fucking people but the casso at chewies was like I've never had anything like it

I've never had casso dip yeah with the beef dude dude I date dude I date this girl and she's from like South Carolina man and she's we go to the supermarket she's like we should get some casso dip I'm like that's that's fucking white trash shit right now no no no it's all about salsa baby

you know I love you that the caseo in South Carolina is fucking disgusting because they probably make it with crap slices yeah and the asshole clogs up but Listen to me. This caseo dip was legit. Your world will change.

Okay. Listen, Chewis, as a Mexican, as a Tex Mexican restaurant, I'll tell you this sincerely. As sincerely as I can. I used to go to Houston and I've showed people YouTube videos. I shot Coke case after a two weeks linked in Houston, you'll look at me and go, Joey, what happened? And I go, it's the number one place for fat people, Houston, Texas. I know that. Number two is Dallas.

Why do you think that is? Because the food is garbage? No. Because casso dip, calacchi's for breakfast. You're walking to a restaurant in the Eastern and go, hi, I love a kale shake with oatmeal, sprinkled with goat cheese. They will throw a beaten on you. You know, they probably served down like Barnaby's, the one gay restaurant, but Barnaby's also has a meatloaf.

I was telling him that when you cut it has mootadale cheese and little chunks of garlic in it. You've never seen none. You're making me hungry, man. With a mountain, patch, mashed potatoes or gravy on the side. Now, listen, between you and me, I'm not a great. We do because there's animals out there. There's animals out there. Sure.

You know, when you travel, you realize that eight out of ten brown gravies are fucking horrific. Horrific. This place is gravy. And this is in Houston? I'll be in Houston in November. I'm with you. Oh, yeah, you're doing it. And you're fucking.

You're doing the show, dude. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You're doing the goddamn show. Oh, yeah, yeah. We'll all down there. Red band, Tony Hinchcliff. Yeah, yeah.

I'm trying to get Red Band to do it. We're going to go to work. Tony did. He just did the show, and he made, he did great. He did George Michael's careless whisper. In Tony's voice, it didn't change. And he'd get melodic. It was just, I'm never gonna dance again.

No, that's a good, you know what's a good song for the goddamn comedy? What's that? Da-dan-da-dan-da-dan-da-dan-da-dan. Da-dan-da-dan-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. George Michael. But I know that. Dude, Justin Martindale did that. It's called Freedom. Freedom 90.

Well, here's what, here's what's funny. I wasn't, he, this is like, we'd already done like three or four shows at that point. And, like, he had, I've been friends with him for a while. And he's like, he's like, Josh, I want to do the show. And I'm like, I'll get you, man. Don't worry. And he's just kept bugging me and bugging me. He goes, dude, I know what song I want to do.

I go, well, just tell me anyway. I mean, I don't really have a spot's coming up. And he said, George Michael Freedom. And I go, you're doing it next month. It's like one of my favorite songs. And that was the first show. that people stood up and danced. He was the first guy to go up, and nobody,

because the first, like, four shows, everybody just sat there and they were enjoying it, but they just didn't get into it. And halfway through the song, he stopped, and then he's like, I told him, I was like, dude, if you're going to do the show and you could do this song, I need you to go a million percent gay, dude, I need you to be full-fledged homosexual

when you're doing this song. And dude, halfway through, he stopped, and he goes, get up, you fucking bitches, and everybody stood up. And from that point on, as soon as the music hits, everybody stands. Now, how did the goddamn comedy, jam, get created.

So, we used to do a theater show at this play. Did you ever do the unknown theater on Santa Monica and Seward? Saratiana and this girl Laura Valdevia ran this room. It was in this old theater, like, kind of in the theater district, but in a cut, like, it was, it was, like, hidden from everybody. And it was more of a speakeasy than a theater. Like, it was a theater. The guy put on plays, but, like, every play probably lost money because, like, the dude was,

like, great of building sets. And so one month you perform in there. and you'd be performing in like a gay bathhouse, and then like two months later, you're performing at like a gay resort. It was always a gay-related. Like one year we were like, performing inside a gay man's asshole.

It was just everything was gay-related for all of his plays. But he was a super straight dude. Just put on gay plays. So we do the shows there, and every night the show would end and they'd had a bunch of musical instruments, so we'd all pull them up and we'd just start dicking around. It'd be like me, Brett Ernst, then Chris Porter,

Seratiana, then Burr started, showing up and everybody would drink until like two, three, four in the morning. And it just kind of got started there. And then when the girls left, this dude I worked on this, we took the show over and me and this other dude were like, yo, let's bring a band into it to be like the house band. So they're the light. So when you started, you were like performing, they'd bring you up and then they'd walk off stage. You'd do your set. And then we didn't want to light you. Like the band would come back on stage and then you'd wrap up your set. And sometimes comics would start fucking around with the band. They'd be like, what songs do you know?

And then somebody, they start playing it and then they sing it. So that's how the idea got kind of like started. That theater then shut down. And I became cool with the band. That was our house band. And I just kept in touch with them. We started getting booked at different spots. And then we moved to

a place in Studio City. We did two shows. It was cool, but it really didn't pick up. You know what I mean? It was just in a weird venue called Marikas. The chick that ran it was a fucking crazy bitch. Like, she was completely insane. Didn't really. We packed the house out and she was just ripping us off. So then we stopped. But at that show,

Adam Devine went up and he did a song instead of doing a set. He was like, what songs do you know? And the band's like, well, I forget what song it was. It was like sugar, sugar or some shit like that. And he played it and the audience went bananas. And at that point, that's 2010. That's when I was

like, that's the show right there. That's the show. Now, I was at 2010, I've been doing comedy two years. I'm a good enough comic You know what I mean? I can definitely, I know how to make people laugh

I was doing well. I wasn't passing any real clubs yet, but I was like doing shows, but I wasn't ready to do that show the way I wanted to do it. So I sat on it and I got better at stand-up and then, you know, went through some certain shit.

That kind of changed everything in 2012 and then started getting more and more opportunities out here. Like I got Montreal all and like was on every showcase and I was touring a little bit and I was making money but I wasn't getting what I wanted out of this town. I was like you know we were talking before you turned the mics on like this town is it's a funky ass town man you know what I mean like you could be the most talented person in the world but you ain't getting shit and other people are just surpassing you and it was really JFL that did it new faces just fuck with me because that was supposed to be the

turning point in my career that was supposed to give me everything it didn't and so I was going to move to New York and then right before like a year year around that point after I did new faces, I was like, you know what? Before I moved to New York, let me try this show out. And it was really just going to be, you do a set and then you do a song, there was going to be no story. And I was talking to this, like, much bigger comic trying to pitch him the idea. And he was like, ah, I don't see it working. He's like, it's ain't going to work.

And I'm like, why not? He goes, ah, this is a comic doing a song. I don't see how that'll, just be weird. And then I was with another comic, he goes, he said, maybe you should just have him tell a story. And I was like, yeah, there it is, dude. That's the fucking bow. and then we did the first show and luckily I got Byr to do the first one

he was super excited about it and then it's just been a hit ever since He put the wig on and everything over. He did, dude, that first show I've never seen anybody get more excited for the I drums, he was all. He's the only guy that he doesn't sing He sings in the final group song

But he used to play drums with us And that was like, I ran him to do at the comedy store Like I had the idea somebody came up to me He says, hey, I want to do a show with you And I'm like, listen man I was like, I don't want to do a regular show I got this idea. And when I pitched the idea to this dude, he was like, oh, that's it, man.

100% we got to fucking do that. And I'm like, hey, it's it. I don't know, man. Is it going to work? Or people are going to be into it? It's hard to do a show out of you in L.A. And then a week later, I ran into Burr. And I was like, I started talking about music.

And he goes, you know, dude, we should start jamming again. And I'm like, well, I got this show idea. And immediately he was just like, I'm in. He goes, I shoot my special the end of June. He goes, set it up for July. And then I was like, fuck it. Now I got to do the show. now I got a big name.

I just got to find a venue. And I had the band already. They were on hold just doing their own shit. And then I literally stumbled in the lyric, which is the old venue we used to do it at. And it just, it was just like everything about that show has been perfect. It has just,

we haven't changed it. The first show is exactly like the show I do now, two years later. It's the same format, same band. I've added a couple players to it, but it's just runs like clockwork, man. It's great.

So much fun. 2010, 2009, I was living in Hollywood. Confused, like everybody else. The next level, do I get a day job? A thousand fucking dilemmas. One of the things I was thinking about, Josh Adam Myers, was that when is America going to get sick and tired of watching three comics? I'm a comic, and I'm telling you this from my perspective.

When is America going to get sick and tired of going to a show and one? watching three comics. I go, something has to happen. And a bunch of things. Not that I created them in my mind. I just always said, wow, it would be interesting to see something else. And I saw

a rap battle. You know, there was a couple shows I saw that were different. You know, Ari did the storytelling stuff. Yeah. And I saw the pictures when you were burn. I giggled. I go, this might fucking work. or burr.

Yeah. I go, this might work because I get what he's doing. You know, we're all, 50% of comics are just not failed musicians,

but maybe aspiring musicians. Then we figured out that if we get a guitar, we'll end up porning it 10 times so we can never be consistent with it, I guess. Yeah.

That was my thing. I would have got a guitar, but I knew I was snort and blow. I would have pawned it eight times. I would have showed up with a ukulele and got fired, you know, shit like that. But what I'm really happy that this worked.

Like I'm fucking ecstatic. Thank you very much. Then you called me. It was Super Bowl Sunday. We couldn't get our dates together because the. Was it? I've been trying to get you on. I know I've been trying to get you on for a while.

And this, I think it was we had you on another date and then the date got moved or something happened. No, Super Bowl. They didn't want to rehearse on Super Bowl Sunday. So Monday, we figured that's just, it was February 4th. or something like that. Okay. And then you asked me if I could do it the 28th.

I was out of town of the 28th. And then I'd bump it. Then the show sold. And I could tell you were overwhelmed. You were very overwhelmed. I had read that it sold. And when I read that it sold, I was so happy. I was happy for you, but I was happy for comedy.

Because, you know, this is what we need. We need something different. We need, this is what makes you stronger as a comic, is going to different avenues. Sure. central focus. It's still comedy. It's not like I'm going from football or fucking baseball. Well, no, it's, it's, you're still going, like, people ask me, it's like, you know, so it's like a music show. I go to, it's a, it's a comedy show first and foremost. I fucked up because I didn't know it was a story.

Somebody told me when I got offstage, what was the story towards that song. Well, you were just, you were just like, all right, let's do this. Coxuck is. Yeah. Yeah. No, but it's, it's like, and that was my bad because I should have explained it more, but I remember that you had mentioned that. was what you wanted to do. And I always want the comics within their wheelhouse of what they feel comfortable doing. And that song was perfect for you. You made it your own. Yeah. So it's that it's where you're

supposed to do eight minutes to stand up, tell the story. Just relate to the audience why you chose it. And I figured, didn't you, I wasn't watching six. No, I was doing fucking stupid jokes up there on Monday. But it was I got to tell you something. I had cold feet that afternoon. You know, even though I had,

I couldn't rehearse the song in the shower, even though I'd written the lyrics and all that stuff. I'm like, I'm going to fucking eat deck up there tonight. But the funniest thing was, I get a little bit of anxiety at the store. When I walk up the steps to the OR, I always got a little touch of anxiety. Sometimes I have to actually sit down and do breathing exercise. I see the light go on, and it gives me more anxiety. When the song started, I don't know if you noticed, I was looking at the drummer for a reason.

Because it was coming on big time. I thought I was going to pass out on stage a few times. When I turned around, I was. and saw all those people. It was real. It reminded me of when Marky Warburg got hitting the head in that movie he made as a singer. Oh, rock star.

Rockstar. Remember the first fucking song he did? He got hit in the fucking head, and he fell down. Stand up and shut out. And he looked at the audience, and they were blurry. That's what I was seeing.

When I turned the first time and saw, if you wouldn't have been next to me, I would have gone down like a fucking ton of bricks. You killed it. You killed it, dude. I would have gone down. But I was very anxious up there. I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't catch my foot. This song's got eight lyrics. No, I know. It's got four different. You don't even have to sing it. It's literally just say it. Just say it. It was perfect.

You chose the perfect song. Yeah. No, it was perfect. You made it your own, especially when you were like, you know, you're like, now they do what you do what is it. Now you do, now I do what is it. I can't think of the lyric for something. Now you do what they tell you.

Yeah. Now they do what you tell you. He didn't say. Like, you just, he was so Joey. doing it just like, nah, you're just so fucking good, man. It was top five. Like, you caused a riot, dude. You caused a fucking riot.

I had so much fucking anxiety that night. Like, you have no idea where my anxiety was in the middle of that song. If you wouldn't, I kept looking at you and then looking back at the drummer, like, I was making me believe, like I was having a good time with the drummer. No, because every time I lived with that audience, my head would spend to 360. I'm sorry. Not to your fault at all. Not your fault at all.

I don't know what, but you know what, even at the 25 year mark, it's great to still have that figure before you go on stage, my brother. That's, you know, when you lose that fear, just go home and pack it up. That's what, that's what Burr. We opened for, so November last year, we did Gramacy Theater in New York. We did the jam there. Burr was on that. And then the next day, before he did Madison Square Garden, we went in jail.

He rented a bunch of instruments, drum set, and all the shit. We played at Madison Square Garden for like three hours. and then we did, and then we all hung out and watched his set. And afterwards, he had this huge party. And I was saying goodbye after chilling for a while. And he goes, and I said, dude, thank you so much, dude. Like, everything you've done. It was actually on my birthday, too.

I was like, it's been the best birthday of my life, man. Hands down. This is one for the ages. And he's like, he goes, no, man, thank you. And I'm like, why? And he goes, because of your show the night before in front of 700 people, I wasn't nervous to perform in front of 14,000. You know what I mean?

And that's the cool thing is, like, you've been doing this for so long, and people like burr and, you know, and just everybody that's done the show, like, you will get nervous doing this. Because, like, while you're performing, there's that ticking clock in your head.

You're like, oh, shit, dude, I got to, I got to sing down under by men at work. God damn. Yeah, but it's, but the thing is, like, it's not something to be nervous about because the crowd is so supportive.

They're not, they don't want to see you fail. Like, dude, And like we've had people, like we call it like, you know, when you, when you, Jay Larson the song, which is, you know, Jay? Jay, fucking, the first time he did the show. He did the show. The first show was Matt Bronger, Jay Larson, Ryan Sickler, and then, um, then Burr. And, uh, Jay went up second.

And I remember Bronger goes up first and I'm like, I don't think this is going to work, man. Like the crowds seem like they're into it, but they're not standing. It just seemed really weird. And then Jay went up and he did message in a bottle by the police, right? And he, dude, everything about that song, like he fucked it up. Like he was singing the verse during the chorus and the chorus during the verse. He was all over the place. And the crowd just started singing with him to get him back in the right place.

But the whole time he's up there just bombing and dancing and going crazy and committing to it. And that was when I knew the show was going to work because the crowd went fucking bananas. So they, nobody's eating shit on it. Not one person. No, no, no. Not one person. Since we've done, they care about you guys and they love you. They're your fans.

They come out here to see you do this. And so they get excited when they know you're going to be on it because they want to see what you're going to do. And they know you're not going to be Whitney Houston on the goddamn motherfucking thing. They know that it's going to be your version of it. And that's why it's cool, you know? How did the show get to air A to Z? To get on television?

Yeah, from A to C. How long was the process? Two years. It's been two years from the first show. We got, I sold it. I've sold it twice. So do the show, we do the first show. Ryan Sickler does that show.

Ryan's one of my best friends. He calls me like a week or so later. He's like, dude, it's so much fun. Thank you for having me on it. I got this guy I want you to meet the Duffies, right? They have a production company. And I told them about your show and they want to sit down and talk to you about turning into a TV show. And like after the first one, everybody was like, oh, this is going to be a TV show.

It's going to be a TV show. That's not why I started. I started because it's fun. So we do, I go and take the meeting with the Duffies and they're like all about it. And so they're like, we're going to come out and shoot it. And then we're going to do like a sizzle reel for it. So they did that. We signed an agreement like, so that was July 2014.

We signed an agreement in December 2014. We sold it on our first pitch to CW, which was like, for me, I was like, this. We walked in there like, this is a throwaway pitch. We do not expect them to buy it's literally practice for us. We went in there, the Duffy's Talk, and then that was it. I added a few like, yeah, and then they could do this, and then they can do this. But I was, like, totally nervous. It's the first time I've ever pitched a show to a big network, regardless of it's a throwaway.

And then a week later, they're like, yeah, we want to do a pilot with you. And they then held the show hostage for, that was... CW held it? CW held her hostage for probably like five months, where, they were like, you know, we signed the deal with them and then we were getting ready to shoot it. And it literally went from one dude who bought it. Then we had to take it and then pitch it again to his boss.

He loved it. And then we had to go to the head of the network to Mark Petowitz. And Petowicz didn't like it. He was like, I don't really see it working. And that was it. So we got it back before Montreal, 2015. and everybody there dude it was just the hit of the festival we were going it was like literally there was our show and roast battle and that was it everything else was like secondary and we had

burr on it and every show was sold out and we just me and the band just fucking brought it we knew it we knew how big of an opportunity this was we're like we're performing for every buyer like every television network and every show we treated like it was the biggest show in our lives like as we do even the ones out here i mean we really just commit to everything. So we did the show, we got back and then Comedy Central wanted a meeting in like September

and we sit in the meeting and it's like Gary and Jonas and all the dudes and fucking the Duffy's talk for like two minutes and then I was like, I got this. I just felt so comfortable in the room because I was like this is the network I want to be at. We were already getting office for other networks, but that was the one I wanted. Them are HBO.

But really Comedy Central because that's where the HBO show interest. And HBO never really was into it. But also, it was just, I think they weren't trying to do stand-up related stuff. So, but Comedy Central has always been my number one. Like, that was the one I want. It's the only comedy network. And I want to fucking be in that family.

I want to be able to hang out with the South Park guys and if I can go to the park. You know what I mean? That's what I mean? That's what I want. And we went in that room. They talked, the Duffy's talk for a few minutes. And then I was like, I got this. And then I just sold that show in the room. They bought it like literally two days later. They were like, we want to do a special

an arable special so like an hour which will be a backdoor into a series that was November when we found out you know and then you fucking

then it's then it's like all that time of pre-production I mean so they bought it with the deal was signed the beginning of January and we didn't fucking actually shoot it until June 21st

takes time it takes time man I wanted that money dude I was like I got to buy a new mattress dude like tell me what kind of get like is this going to happen is it is it is And it just, what's been good is that the network is behind it.

They made some changes to it that I understand they're doing for, they did for the special. Like, it's not exactly what we do with the live show. It's not as wild. My part got severely reduced for that. But when it goes to the series, like, there's a lot more that we're going to do it. And they were going to bring it back to what the show actually is. You know what I mean? Right, right.

So the special was released a couple of weeks ago. It was released August 28th. It was a day before you did the show. So how to go. It was great. I mean, it was on after the VMAs, and the VMAs ran long, so a lot of the numbers kind of got messed up. But for 12 a.m. at night, we got good numbers.

And, like, social media-wise, it was incredible. And what's the other shit? Social media, like, it just got a shitload of views. Digital shit got a lot of views. So it's done really well. But now we're just waiting. We're waiting to find out if we get a series. But, I mean, every arrow is pointing to yes.

I don't see why they wouldn't give it a season, you know what I mean? Because there's so, dude, I'm getting, no, we'll get like 10. Wow. Yeah, well, the deal is for a six, but I could see it, I can see them buy them. It's cheaper to make more, you know what I mean, than just six. If you're going to do six, you might as well make $10. It's only going to be like a couple, like $100,000 more. If you're going to do $6,000, make $9 so I can do three a night.

Oh, there's no way I could shoot that. Dude, knowing that we might have to do two in one night, that'll fucking kill me. I'm going to be on prednisone and fucking every anti-inflammatory. I'll give you one week on that. Like something fucking, like, I just did a friend of mine show, and he was like, we shot nine episodes in one week. Is it Ari? No, this is for Animal Planet. Oh, okay.

Nine fucking episodes on one week guests, everything, animals. That would kill me. Like, start on fucking Monday, rap on Sunday with a party. That would kill me. Just even doing the one, like, the one, like, I, because I had vocal cord surgery, uh, February. I had a nodule taking off my vocal cords because my chords were just fucked up, man. I'm 36, you get to an age, your shit

just starts giving out, and then I vaped like a dumb fuck. You know what I mean? You smoke? Not anymore, but I did. I did for years. I used to smoke weed, smoke cigarettes, and then I quit that. I started vaping, and the vaping, fuck my vocal cords up.

You can hear it in my throat. Every time I vape, I think it's worse. It's definitely. For people that talk all the time, yes. If you use your voice, that's the worst. you can do. And I mean, I, I vape for four years. And then the second I quit, they got better. Like, they were inflamed. I'd go to the doctor. He'd scope my throat, stick the thing down, look at it. And he'd be like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? And I'm just like, nothing. I'm just vaping.

He's like, you gotta stop doing this shit. I'm like, dude, I can't, man. I love the taste of fruit loop cereal milk in my lungs, man. Like, what the fuck you want from? That's terrible. That'll kill you. You know what I mean? It's like that was, so I vape for a long time. And then I quit. And so we got to do this special. I had, I had, I had, I had, I still vaping, but I just took, like, you know, prednisone is like a miracle drug for singers, man. Like prednisone decadron. So I went that morning, I got a shot from the E&T, took a couple of prednisone, and then. Where they put the shot for your, for your vocal?

In the ass, they give it, ass your shoulder. For your vocal cords? My vocal cords. Well, it's a steroid. So it, like, it's like this, right? Like, so what really happened was, so I did, when we did JFL in 2015, right? Like, I was DJing at a strip club. So every Thursday, every Friday, I'm on the mic.

fucking, you know, eight-hour shifts. We started getting closer and closer to the shows in Montreal, and I know how big a deal of this is. So what I started doing was taking, like, care of myself where I wouldn't go out at night, like I would do show and I'd go home. And then I was like, you know, I got to start resting my voice where I got to start taking, like, like, you know, supplements, like little mints, not mints, but these like little drops for your throat.

And I went to the doctor. And then next, I don't know where I just lost my voice. I lost my voice, like a week before we took off and it would not come back. I went and got shots for it. It would not come back. So I go to the doctor, he goes, listen, you know, he's like, you've got a nodule on your vocal cords, but that's not the reason it's super inflamed right now.

So what I'm going to do is I'm going to give you a bunch of these medications. Give you prednisone, and I'm going to give you a couple shots before you leave. And he goes, and that'll basically, we're just going to put a Band-Aid on your cords and we'll deal with the problem when you come back. So it's like, it's like Emmett Smith, like, you know, fracturing his shoulder, like, blowing his knee out. And, like, in the playoffs, and they're like, dude, you know, you've got to win this game. So here's a cortisone shot.

here's some perkinset, go out there and win the game. And that's what I did. But by doing that, I made my chords way worse. So it was like when I came back to the States, it was like a full, that was July. My chords didn't get better until March. April. Actually, April is when I started singing again, and it sounded good. April of 2016.

So that was tough, man. Who shot the pilot? What star shot the pilot? Well, who was on it? Yeah. There's a whole picture you with Eddie Vedder. So I thought Eddie Vedder was on it. Oh, no, no, no.

that was in Bonaru. That was the music festival, Bonaroo. We had Pete Davidson from Saturday Night Live, Jay Farrow from Saturday Night Live, Jim Jeffreys, Natasha Leggero, and Adam Devine. Oh, I thought you had like a fucking leds up on the studio. Dude, now it's, well, here's what's cool. That's what I thought.

Dude, I'm telling you, like, I, so the special airs, and I'm getting calls from like huge comics, right? From not just comics, but comedic actors. Like, people that want to do this. They're like, dude, I want to do this song with, this singer. And like, I'm friends with this guy. We can make this happen. We got people that want to do shit with Metallica. Like, it could, what's cool, it's like, this is the thing.

It's like, why wouldn't you give me a season of it? Because, like, there's so much cool shit that we had Coolio on the first fucking thing. I mean, we can do way better than Coolio. You know what I mean? Like, we can get fucking, you know, we'll reunite fucking the band Hart and get fucking Wilson Philip. Like, it's just going to grow and grow. And that's what's happening in L.A. organically we're getting real rock stars that want to do it. Now that we moved it to the Roxy, like that immediately validates it where everybody's like, well, this is a place.

If they're doing that, the rock scene, it's got to be legit. You know what I mean? Like the month before, we had some guys from Velvet Revolver there. We had John Theodore from Queens of the Stone Age. We had Dave Kushner. Then we had John Mayors just chilling. John Mayer just came to the show just to hang out,

but when he's seeing you perform. And now he wants to do it. Like, organically, it's just going to grow and turn. into something really fucking cool. Music. Now, one big question I got to ask. Sure. For TV purposes,

are there just a number of songs you could do? No, we can get whatever you want. That's a cool thing, man. Yeah, dude, it's like they spent a lot of money on that special. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's not even the, like, we ended it with We Are the Champions, and that's, like, cheap. Like, certain songs that you would think would be expensive

are actually cheap. I mean, there's like, there's like, from what I know, like Led Zeppelin's kind of off the table Beatles are off the table and Michael Jackson but if somebody big enough wanted to do it they'd pay you know what I mean you know if fucking if we can get you know because that's the thing is like I think if

when it goes to series like we're going to get some really really big names you know what I mean and I'm glad it's on Comedy Central and not CW because CW would have fucked it up yeah it would have been like all right y'all coming up next Condoleezza Rice singing no digity like you know what the fuck one That shit.

You know? It's, we can get real comics. I mean, we'll get Burr, we'll get Sarah Silverman. I mean, we had Louis C.K. come and sit down and do the show. I'm trying to get your boy Joe. Joe scared shitless. You need to tell that motherfucker to do it.

I want him to do it. He'd be the best at it. Do another goddamn rage against a machine song. He's just scream it. You know what I mean? That's all you did. You fucking, but you did, you did sing a little bit. You're a little melody.

I couldn't think, listen, I couldn't think of another song. there was one of the song you and I discussed. No, it was always. Always. From the jump, from the jump, because I said, I want you to do the show,

you go, you go killing in the name of. Like, immediately you said that, and I was like, yeah, that's it. That was why when I got you to finally commit to doing this one,

I immediately just said, you want to still do killing in the name of? And you're like, yeah, that was it. Usually, usually, like,

I'll call people and I'll be like, what are you thinking about? Like, like, I know what will work. People will give me a song that I'm like, why would you pick this? You know, and even like the huge comics, they'll give me a song that's so random. And I'm like, dude, nobody's going to know this.

Like, no, it's got to be a hit. Can't be a B-side. Can't be a deep album cut. And most people are super cool now that they realize that I know what will work. You know what I mean? I knew immediately. You would have been the first person to do killing the name of because we waited so long. I had John Doar do it because he had picked it.

And I mean, but nobody did it the way you did it. I mean, you know what the next song I like to do, girls just want to have fun. That's my jam. Every time I hear the end of that, I could tell she's having such a great time. I don't know what the fuck she's saying at the end of that song. But I still remember coming from Colorado and New York, and the girl I had a crush on liked that song. And it was like killing me.

Like, really, girls just want to have fun? What the fuck are you talking about? Then I saw the video, but I liked the song. Like, every time I hear that song, I think of that summer. It's such a good song. It's such a good song. First of all, unless you've seen this, She's really good in concert.

Cindy Lauper? Yeah. Fuck yeah. I've heard it 30,000. And they say she's fucking hysterical. They all got chaps, man. I saw Billy Joel not too long ago, and that motherfucker had like a half hour of solid material,

like solid. And then I saw him like two nights later. He did the same bits. And they kill, dude. So rock stars, they all got jokes, man. They all in between. They all in between the jams and shit. Everybody, I was reading a thing on,

in Rolling Stone magazine, is Adele, you know, the big like, you know, soul singer from Britain right now. So she does an hour and a half show, right? She sings for 40 minutes and then talks for 30. You know what I mean? That's her show. They broke it down to see, like, who talks the most and in between.

She's got 30 minutes of material, too. They all, it's literally all they do. Are they trying to make you laugh or is like stories about the songs? A little bit of both, but I think it's, I think also it's like they wanted to be funny. You know what I mean? Like, dude, comedians and rock stars, it's just there's a weird, a weird, a weird. weird thing about it. Like,

if you've ever hung out with like a rock star, right, somebody that made it, maybe a rock star, but just somebody that's professional musician,

um, whatever year or however old they were when they made it is what, what maturity level they're stuck at. Does that make sense? You know, Tommy Lee, the guys from like,

they're stuck at that age. They're stuck at like 17, 18 years old. They might have millions of dollars, but they're still fucking, Tommy Lee, every time I've seen him, it's like he's 18.

Yeah, he's like super immature. He's like, yeah, bro. no, cool. It's like, dude, you're fucking 53 now, dude. You know what I mean?

It's just, there's something about it. And I met a lot of rock stars recently where I started hanging out with them. I'm like, dude, you're fucking, I mean, they're mature, but they're still, they just have that, like, I don't know how to explain. Just their whole air about them is that they're still kids, because they never had to grow up. You know what I mean? I'd be that way, too.

I did music my whole life. I would have made it one of my bands. I'd be stuck at like 23. And I'd just live that 23-year-old lifestyle. my head but still just pay my bills and do this shit that adults do, but still talk like a 23 year old, just, you know what I mean? Dress like it, dude. Tommy Lee still

dressed like a motherfucker that's 18 years old. He's just on 2016's level of 18 now, so the clothes are a little bit updated. It's not wearing, you can't really wear spandex, you know, like cheetah spandex anymore and still fucking be cool. You know, like when Kennison was at the store, they were doing that kind of stuff. They sang Wild Thing

with Rudy Sarzo and a bunch of other people. And it's so weird, that connection wasn't as much as, uh, that connection was more cocaine. Oh, yeah. If you watch those fucking videos with poison and Kennisin, and they'll tell you how fucked up they were and stuff like that. But I've always, uh, you know, I've met a, I don't even know, but it's so weird how they'll talk to you.

I was on a plane with fucking Sebastian and John Legend. I was, we were all going to Atlanta. Sebastian Bach or Sebastian the community? Sebastian Monascopo was sitting next to me. And John Legend was sitting next to me on this side. So was John Legend, me, and then there was an aisle, and then there was Sebastian. I'm sitting there. John Legend tips his head on and he goes, hey, I saw you special.

I really like it. And he is to bad. This guy talking to Sebastian, John Legend, about his special, and how he watched it. He wants it three times and blah, blah, blah. And it's so weird how I think sometimes it's a mutual admiration. Oh, for sure, man. definite mutual admiration because they know how hard it is to get up on that. We know how hard it is to do it.

We know what that. Yeah, dude, stand-up comics and rock stars, man. That is to be, to be like to shred like slash is one of the most, you know, difficult things you can do. You can learn how to play guitar to it, but to be able to have the feel and really just lay it out there in the music that you're playing. I mean, that's incredible. And what we're doing is, is honestly just as hard, if not harder, to go into a room

full of strangers, come up with something to say. and that's original and fucking make people laugh, you know? So it just, it's just blend seamlessly together. And that's why this show works. I think it's because you're taking something and you're just taking both those worlds and putting them together. And then also the main thing is both things we're doing

are super fun. Other people want to do it. Everybody wants to do what we're doing. Everybody always thinks they can be a stand-up comic or they get it. I've got to be in the band. You know what I mean? Oh, I'm still in a band.

It's like, yeah, it's just me and the other dad's in the neighborhood, but we're killing it in a garage. You know what I mean? I realized why lip-sink. is fucking so relevant in comedy. What even? That night, you know, if you

know about, like, all those singers that move a lot, like Janet Jackson the beginning of her tour, she lipsinks 10%. Oh, yeah, she lips six 90%. Why? Because you could... Cardio and anxiety and all that shit. I've never seen anybody sweat as much as you did during that song. Oh, my God. You were drenched.

I was on anxiety attack. It just came... I was like a skunk. A little bit of sweat came out from every fucking orifice in my... As soon as I went up there, I felt it. I knew it was going to happen, but I got to tell you something. And I'll tell you to your face. I think I told you the day afterward.

I haven't had that much fun on stage. Thank you. A long fucking time. You fucking killed. Did you kill it? On the show, I haven't had that much fun in a long goddamn time. I left there and my mind was kind of blown. Like, I had to go home and take the hits off the pipe and go,

what just fucking happened, Jack? What just fucking happened? And that, you know, that was too much. And it was so well documented, too. Dude, so many people recorded that. So you get to just relive it over and over. Well, I've watched it like 70 times. I watched like half of it and shut it off.

I don't even get to the fuck you. I won't do it. Yeah, the best parts at the end. Because he gets at least like six inches off the ground when he jumps. And he fucking like. My favorite part is the middle finger at the end. It gets like that. And here's my question.

Yeah. Because I always hear a lot from comics. Like, if you hear about a comic who, Maybe he has, like, a whole, the whole set of, like, joky songs. It gets a little bit looked down upon, but everyone loves this show. Like, where do you think the difference is? Because it's a little similar, but, like, everyone loved this show is amazing. It was the first time I'd been to it, and it was a great experience.

Like, I'll go next time as a fan. Please. Oh, you're always invited. You're a lot of time as a fan because I want to see that. Dude, you're in the goddamn comedy jam rock and roll hall of fame, dude. What a. The, uh, I know what you're saying, Lee, about, about, about, the, you know, because like when you go see like comedy music or musicians that are comics that

do music in that sense, like the songs are usually cheesy as fuck, you know what I mean? It's usually like if a girl's doing it, it's always like, you know, this is the song about my boyfriend or giving blow jobs and it's like, don't forget about the balls. Don't forget about the balls when you're giving a hand job. Actually, which is actually pretty melodic what I just said. So you write that down. That shit drives me crazy. Yeah.

Like if you want to be fucking, what's his name? Sign up. It's a guy that spoofs all the song. We're not Yankevick. Can you believe people still buy his music? He's just, well, I think a lot of people still fuck with him because of the movie UHF. You know what I mean?

You ever seen UHF? Long time ago. Movies great. I still quote it. You know what I mean? So I don't think he's getting new fans. I think he's just got the people from a long time ago that still fuck with him. I don't think so, man.

I might be wrong. Yeah, when was the last time he released him out? Well, he just came out with one. I think that's what I'm saying. But that's, but that's, I think it's the people. For the fucking 10 fans of the left? Actually, when I was in Montreal in 2015, he did a free concert outside, and it was fucking bananas packed. Just packed.

So, so, so, musicians, or not musicians, comics that do music is like, there's not many that have, like, there's tenacious D that are taken seriously that are cool because their whole act is this, like, their songs aren't funny. They're actually really good songs, you know what I mean? Like, me and the band, like, we have a bunch of originals, too, that are. super funny, but they're like, they're real rock songs and they're super catchy. We don't try to make people laugh throughout the song through the lyrics. We just, just from what we do in it. It's just we take it so seriously, but it's like completely a farce. Whereas, I think the show is successful is because of what Joey just said. He hasn't had that much fun and God knows how long. Because if you're having fun, then the audience is having fun. Do you know what I mean?

What we created is just, it's an event. It's just like a feeling. You know what I mean? You come to the show. Every show is like that. I mean, it's just, we don't take it too seriously. It's literally just supposed to be a bunch of people going to laugh for a little bit. You're going to rock out for a little bit.

And it was all ages. Oh, it's every, dude. There was older people there. There was younger people there. I thought it was going to be a bunch of Uber people. You know, like young kid, 23 year old. Boy, was I in shock. Dude, it's huge.

And that was like, because we were going up against, there was another festival going on. And that was the first one we hadn't completely sold out. Like it was like it was close to it. But like usually we have like somebody said one of the one of the book is for the New York Comedy Festival said, my show has the highest fake tit to regular tit ratio. We have the most with fake boobs at our show, which is a good thing to have. I think it's, I like that. You know what I mean?

Out of every show, they don't get that at comedy. Now you're getting 700 people in New York and places like that. In New York, we. We, uh, Grand receipt we sold out. That was like 750. In L.A., we're getting about 400 now, moving into the Roxy, which is great. We've got, you know, it just depends on the,

on the festival and the venue. But we, every show on the road, we're doing extremely well with, you know what I mean? I love it. I got to be honest with you about one thing. What's that? And don't get offended. Please.

I like what you did. I don't like when people fucking sing, fucking songs. Like, if you think I'm, I get picky about food. Fuck with me about music, Jack. Fuck with my world of music because I'm even picky.

I get pissed. What, when they, what do you mean? I'm way older than you. When I was a kid, there was jaws and there was something else. There was spoof songs. So what you did was you took the best of the summer songs

and you wrote a story about it. So did you see the shark? What did you tell them? Please, Mr. Please. And then, oh, my God, he's coming into the kitchen, and they would do it. Look at the Jaws, the spoof song from the 70s. See if it's on there. Jaws spoof song?

Yeah, from the 70s. Like, they did shit like that. That was cute for a while. They did them to everybody burnt the fuck up. Dickey Goodwin? Yeah, Dickie Goodwin, Mr. Jaws. Yeah, let's see. Let's see you.

This is it? I think. Beach where a giant shark has just eaten a girl's swimmer. Well, Mr. Jaws. How was it? I don't mind! And what did she say when you grabbed her? Please, Mr. Please. Please.

I know sharks are stupid, but what did you think when you took that first fight? Mr. Jaws, before you swim out to sea, have you anything else to say? Like I was ten. They were cute. Now is the local sheriff. Sheriff Brody, the shark will be back for lunch. What do you intend to do? Get down the night.

Just arriving is Oceanographer. Matt Hooper, sir, if someone is attacked by a shark, what should they do? We are going aboard the fishing boat of Captain Quint. Captain... Was this popular? To catch this giant shark. Huge. Number one hit, actually.

Took the Beatles off, number one. Was that it? It keeps going. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, get to the chorus. Wait, it over. Hold on. Shouting something at him.

Hey, Jaws, the captain says he's going to catch you. What do you think of that? Uh-oh, here he comes again. I can't believe people bought this. They've hit him. Mr. Jaws, why doesn't anything seem to hurt me? This is like, hold on, hear this from. He's coming right on to the boat.

Mr. Jaws. Why are you grabbing my hand? Mr. Jaws, that's not the way this record is supposed to end. Help! Help! So they had a sample of that music. You got the Eagles, 10-C, you got everybody on there. This guy stole more than rappers.

He's got everybody on there. He's the comedy buffett. They made like three of these, and then they went kaput. Were you just like on their Wikipedia page? Not too long ago? No, no, no. I just was thinking about it now. We're thinking about comedy music.

About two, three years ago, Eddie Bravo and Rogan after a comedy show, said let's go see Steel Dragon I left that for the second show no disrespect to them they're nice guys they invited us

I met them I can't tolerate that shit well I think that's the shit that drives me but it's it's not this isn't like a real this isn't like

this isn't like this isn't like supposed to be funny it's supposed to be like no no I didn't like we don't want like I don't want like if you want to make it you can and the crowd will love it regardless but it's like

when you do that what's cool about it is like they they never get to see, they get to see an honest side of you. Absolutely. You know what I mean?

Because you can't hide it behind your jokes. You got to fucking perform that. So when somebody goes up there and they do it, man, you know, the crowd gets to see you in a vulnerable position. And that's what's a beautiful thing. You know what I mean? It takes Joey Diaz from Joey Diaz from Uncle Joey

and makes him just fucking Joey Diaz. The most important thing about that bong hit was I did it lefty. That's the first time in my life I ever did a bong hit left. And it worked. First time, no fucking practice. You understand me? It's good. I shot all that basketball as a youngster.

You mentioned your boy. I knew you guys were tight. Did you start together in Baltimore? Sickler. Sickler? No, Ryan, I met. Ryan I met out here. I met Ryan at the improv one night.

One of my first real shows, like doing a real set of the improv. Remember Darrell Wright? Black dude. Where is he? I have no idea, man. I heard he was in Vegas. He's doing a NASCAR. show with Jay Moore and I see Jay Moore

on TV doing the Rams. I have no idea. Darrell just disappeared. Darrell was like the second coming in the improv. He was up there like every night and then he just disappeared but he used to do a show called Ignorance's Bliss. You ever do it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did that the improv.

Ryan goes up, does a set and immediately I remember he mentions he's from Maryland and I'm like, holy shit. So after the set, I just go up I start talking to him and immediately we hit it off and he's kind of like my Yoda. You know what I mean? Like I'll call him when I need advice or I need an opinion about something in comedy related. And what's funny is I tease him about this.

Like anytime you ask for his opinion, like, yeah, this dude, he's like telling me to do this and I don't want to do this or my agent's. Move away a little bit because every time you go up and down, it's hitting. Yeah, yeah. And it's vibrating there. So he'll, I'll be like, yeah, my agent wants me to do this thing. I don't know if I want to do it. And every response that Ryan gives me is, you know what you got to tell that dude? You tell that dude to go fuck himself.

You tell him, go fuck himself. Every advice always ends with, now, man, tell that person to go fuck himself. Like, that is all, the only advice he's good for, and most of the time he's right. I'm not going to lie. But he's good. He's got a kid now, and I talk to him almost every day. He was up the show. He's a producer on the comedy jam television show because he brought it.

And he's the story producer, so he works with the comics to kind of like tighten everything. And he's great. He's the best, man. You know what I mean? I think, you know what it is. You meet somebody that's from the same area. You grew up. You're going to fucking stick together.

And the minute we met, I was like, oh, we're going to be friends. Well, Tony Bennett, it's Monday, September 19th. A beautiful fucking week. What, you're going to sing this next? I like that. You can't do this. They don't see the beauty of this. Oh, they wouldn't.

The crowd would stare at you. With a suit? Are you kidding me? Or what? Pointy shoes. My favorite Tony Bennett song is I left my heart in San Francisco. Oh, fuck, I love the first verse.

It always makes me cry. It's one of those. Actually, you talk about crying from Tony Bennett is he did smile. You do that song? Yeah. You know, smile if your heart is breaking. Oh, dude.

Kick this motherfucker Lee. We didn't finish. It's Monday. What are you turning it off for? You need a bong hit, Lee? You need to get sweating again. You haven't stopped fucking fidgeting. I'll never stop sweating.

Sweat. Fidgetting. Touching the water. I couldn't believe it before. I mean, I want to be around. There you go. To see how he does it. When he breaks your heart to bits.

Let's see. It's beautiful. It really is beautiful. This is what I grew up listening to. So fine. This piano is fucking smoking. Kick it, Lee. That revenge is sweet.

As I sit there applauding from a front-road seat when somebody breaks your heart like you. Fucking beautiful. Fucking beautiful. Monday, September 19, Tony Bennett, taking your asshole to the hoop-cock sucker. Well, you didn't grow up a music guy. It's really, like...

What did you grow up listening to? You know, anything? It's kind of random. Like, my parents, my mom liked just, like, show tunes and, like, oldies, sort of. And what she grew up with, and my dad was, like, sort of disco-y. He worked in nightclubs. So he liked a lot of disco. And so I just never really got into anything.

And, like, all my friends in, like, middle school started getting... into like the Beatles and Dave Matt Dave Matthew. How old are you? I'm 28. I know I don't have here, but I'm only 28. I was going to say you were like, all my friends down getting into Beatles. I was like, how fucking old is this dude? No. No, I'm not that old, but uh, yeah, I don't know. I just never, I went to

like my first. No radio in the room? I had one, but I ever really used it. It was weird. I have a friend like that. That's so weird when you go to his house. For years, I always noticed there was something missing. He never had a boo-old. He never had a boom box, never had like a... I asked him once ago, you don't have music in the hand? He goes, I have music in my office.

You know, it's what I used it for sports radio. That's what I used it mostly for. Dude, music and comedy have been in my life. I can pinpoint points in my life through songs and through comedy specials. Well, we all have a personal soundtrack. Not just that, but I mean, I can remember the first time I saw Carlin on Comic Relief. Like, I was six years old. What was your first comic that you saw?

was George Carlin. That was when I wanted, well, him and Gary Shanling is the first real introduction to stand-up comedy was my dad was watching Comic Relieve on HBO, you know? And that was the, that was where Carlin did. My stuff is stuff,

your stuff is shit. And I was like, that's so cool, man. Like, I want to do that. But I was like, get into it. You gotta be a little older, blah, blah, blah.

But I grew up in a musical household. So that was what I was doing from like three on. I always had instruments in front of me. So I remember that. Who played instruments in your own? My dad. Well, not so much my mom, but my dad, really.

And then once I got into, like, elementary school, that was kind of like my interest. So they got me into trumpet. And then my dad got me a guitar, piano, drums. And then when I got into my, like, teens, that was when I started, like, you know, go out of the house, start smoking weed. I formed a band. What were they listening to those years? Dude, my dad, I, this is, dude, I'm, you play a Tony Bennett's shit. Like, you don't understand, man.

Like, I'm one of the luckiest people. in the world. My father introduced me to everything dope at an early age. You know what I mean? How old? I mean, six years old. I was when I got in. First of all, he had like the Richard Pryor records, so I used to like steal them and put them on.

I always grew up around jazz, like Joe Pass on guitar, or like, you know, Miles Davis, Charlie Parker, Coltrane, the Loneus Monk. It was every Bill Evans, Dave Brubach, I mean, Frank Sinatra, I mean, Mel Torme, whatever, dude, was just constant music playing in my house, the four freshmen, just my dad listened to everything.

But also, like, movies. I remember, like, at eight years old watching, like, Rebel Without Cause or, like, Mel Brooks, like, History of the World Part One when I was, like, before I was 10, you know, so I was introduced to so much cool shit. My mom was more, like, more of the Beatles and more of the rock stuff. But, you know, my mom, my dad was cool, and then he had me, and then I took all the cool from, you know what I mean? What was the rock stuff for your mom listened? More like, you know, Mamas and Papa's,

Jefferson Airplane, shit like that. They smoke pot, your parents? No. Never caught them or you just don't want to know. All right, well, I'll, all of those mics, both of them, before you blow out all our fucking earphones here. My dad, I don't know if you ever smoke grass. My mom always used to talk about,

she'd be like, you know, when I was younger. She's got that, like, cigarette smoking mom voice, like when I was younger, I smoked hashish, but this is really rock store. And that's kind of, the last time I did it. I actually got high with my mom back in 2003 or 2004. She had a bad back.

We went to the Jersey Shore. She's like, yeah, the Viking is not working. And I was like smoking blunts. I was dating this girl. She taught me how to roll blunts. And that was when I really got into like smoking blunts by myself. And my mom, it was in the hotel room. My dad and my sister left.

And I was like, Ma, I was like, you were mentioned you're in pain. I was like, if I said I had weed, would you smoke with me? And she's like, I'll try anything. And then me and her smoked a blood together. And it was, it was an experience. I mean, we just sat there and giggled. But she's never smoked it again. And, you know, super, super square, man.

My parents were very, I was kind of like their first dose into a lot of real life shit. How many brothers and sisters? I got a sister, perfect kid, never got in trouble. She's a doctor. Lives in the eastern shore now in Maryland. Her husband's like the district attorney for the county they live in. Super white, man. Super just boring.

Do I talk my tie with her? Yeah, I mean, you know, she's got a bunch of kids. Like, we call, I call her all the time. But like when I say all the time, it's like once a month and we talk for a little bit. And I go and visit when I can. But she's come out and supported me for a lot of things in my life. You know what I mean? She came out for, we did the Kennedy Center.

We did the goddamn comedy gym at the Kennedy Center. She came out for that. We played the show at the Black Cat in D.C., you know, probably like six months early. She's come out for that. She wanted to come out for the TV taping. but she was just tied up with the kids so she couldn't. But she's great, man, you know, just always supported me. I think it's kind of like, I always looked up to her because she was like book smart.

Not saying I'm not book smart, but definitely I appreciate anybody that can fucking take their, you know, their MCATs and fucking ace it, you know, and study, you know, like organic chemistry and shit like that. So I respect her, but she also respects me that I'm more street smart and also able to do what I can do. you know what I mean? It's the same thing. Like it's just, I wish I had what she had. She wishes I had. She has what I had. And it just is kind of a cool blend. So. You're a fortunate young man.

Everything, when we first got here, we were talking about drugs. And I said to you that when I got the nose surgery and she said she was going to give me something. When I got to the fucking pharmacy, they pulled me over. And they're like, listen, she gave you something really fucking strong. Now, right at that point, I'm excited. You know what I'm saying? When they pull you all the way to say, listen, what we're giving you is really fucking true. This is some good shit.

Like, get a lockbox. I'm like, okay, so I'm getting excited for the surgery now. Even with my addictive ways, I didn't take one of them before the surgery. You know, they want you to have them a week before the surge. Yeah, I don't need them. Because I heard oxies are really addicting. I had done an oxy card in maybe 2007, right when I was at the end of blow that year, I was doing heroin on Mondays to snort to come down off the coke.

Somebody gave me a piece of a red pill. They said it was an oxy, and I popped it. And within fucking 10 minutes, I had to lay down. My world was rocked. That was my blood pressure dropped. I felt like pukin. And then when I got the surgery, I go, you know, oxy cotton, but the lady told me they're pretty fucking deep.

Let's try them. You know, I'm home. I got the week is clear. Sure. And I fucking did the prescribed dose the first day, one every four hours because I'm scared too I don't want to Michael Jackson I got the baby mm-hmm didn't do shit did fuck you up at all no 25 milligrams that's that a level that's that's then the next day I popped three at one time

and by the end of the I don't want a Michael Jackson in so I'm just gonna take four of them but what I did was by the end of I called the friend and he goes no I know you a long time nicotine yeah let me go yeah it's a good shit this four milligram oh this would a couple of I usually pop up two fours. Listen, though, you pop two fours with a cup of coffee, Cuban coffee in the morning.

Ooh, Nelly. I saw you eyeballing it right off the jump. What's that? I saw the nicotine gum when I first pulled it out. I said, what's he doing? Because me, you and Mark Maron are hooked on nicotine.

Mark Maron eats them all fucking all of us, our kidneys are going to blow up. No wonder my back hurts and shit. I've been chewing nicotine gum for fucking six months now. I'm, I started at one, four now I'm bobbing two at a time. Two fours with a cup of coffee, you're off

and running, Jack. They ain't stopped. I've been telling people for years that don't want to listen to me. Dude, it's legit. I'm all, I'm all bad nicotine gum. I quit I quit vaping and immediately just I'm addicted to the nicotine go. And you go to CVS? No, I go to, I go to Costco, dude. 50 piece. No, you get $50 for 200 pieces. If you're not buying nicotine gum at fucking Costco, you ain't doing it right.

No, no, no. CBS changes the world right now. CVS got that Mexican fucking nicotine. If it doesn't it say nicorette on it. Listen to me. No, if it doesn't say four. I got fucking... My buddies gave me some Mexican nicorette. You have no fucking...

You pop two of those. And a 16 ounce... What do they call it? What's the second coffee at the Starbucks? The venting. Go and get a venti and pop two of those. And get back to me to the hour. That'll move you about.

You want to get regular? Oh, my God. Dude, I look forward to it in the morning. Like, I'll have my cup of coffee and I won't have my first piece. I start my through my bowels moving. Like, all right, time to pop that first? I get on the toilet. You can't shit.

You pop a cup of coffee at 16 ounce with some refa and then follow it with two pieces. What does nicotine make you shit? Oh, my sister gets on fire. It's like, I don't know what it does, but it just moves me, man. My favorite thing I take before I even came here, because I'm like, I'm on, we're not on tour right now. And so I have like this chill time. And it's like I work out in the morning and then I eat. And then I have time to chill.

And if I don't have any work to do, I'll take like a bath for like an hour and a half and write a little bit or just meditate or whatever. There's nothing better. I get in the bathwater, pop a fresh piece and Nicorette in. Oh, my God. And the worst part is you start finding these little rappers all around. Oh, I got them everywhere. I cut myself 18 times. I want to sue Nicorette.

Those are real ninja stars right there. Those little sharp fucking edges. These motherfuckers don't know. Guys, if you're confused in the morning, you don't know what. Fuck your ADD pills. They don't even work. That's a fucking retard. Listen to me.

You got a 16-ounce- Let's say the thing calls for fucking. You want to make coffee at the house. If it calls for eight ounces, you put three of those in there. Like, I don't give a fuck what the jar says. I want my coffee to be blacker than black. I want to get up and go, Jack.

So you get up, you hit that fucking coffee first and let that balance out your body. Then you go outside and hit that fucking joint. You hit that zebra early. and then you finish the coffee and then pop two nicorets it's over even if you don't smoke cigarettes

you're over I'll put you in planet and when you throw a fucking star on this like a T8C star with two Nicarats What's a star? What's that? The stars are dead 200 milligrams of pure T.C Oh my God

That just sounds vicious With some Nicarate bro Yeah sometimes at night I'm tuned up on the stars I'll pop two of those Nicarats It's all over And I'll spit it out and pop two more to get the French negative tea juice.

You know me, dog. I take it to the next fucking one. It's the greatest thing ever. To see your face light up, you're like, come on, come on. Don't hold out. Dude, I just stocked up. I just went to the Costco.

Oh, I don't leave the house. I got them on my travel bag for the plane on a plane. Oh, it's the best on the plane. You pop those on the plane with a little vapor pen in the bathroom, but I set in the alarm off. Can you get away with hitting the vape pen on? Because I, so here's the deal. It's because we were traveling a lot,

and I had the e-cigarette vape right? And I go and I had to actually take a shit too. So I go and I started taking a shit which is like the first time I've ever done that. I take a shit on an airplane. And I'm hitting the vape pen. Next thing I know, it's like, she's like, Mr. Whoever is in there, you know, the fire alarm's going off and she just keeps knocking. And then I put the vape away and I'm starting to freak out. They opened the door. Luckily, you know, I had my dick and my balls out and and I'm sitting on the toilet with my pants down, taking a shit. She goes, oh, I'm so sorry. And she closed the door. But in my mind.

head, I'm like, fuck, I'm going to get out of here. They're going to fucking put me in handcuffs. They're like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know how this works. If they don't see the smoke, they can't do nothing to you. Really? They just eyeball you to death. They caught me too.

But so when I got out, she goes, oh, I'm so sorry. She goes, I don't know, we must have a faulty thing in there because, yeah, it said there was a smoke alarm was going off. And I was like, no, I have no idea. And, I mean, I've never been scared her because that's like a, you know, don't you go to jail for that shit? No, it's like a fine. 2000 they slap your wrist I like it

you said too. No they get then they knock it down at 200 in court you do a you go in there and do paperwork that you fucking suck dick for a living $10 a week eating fucking Cheerios like a motherfucker what you need to do if you want to vape on a pen is you have to take the window out because that's where the air conditioning is oh for sure yeah yeah yeah you have to hit it

and cover it with a sweater and make believe your Copernicus like you put your hand to you and just hit it and blow down they'll suck it right down oh I've done that a million Nobody smokes. You're tough to smoke in the aisle seat. That's a tough one. You got to have the window seat.

You got to have the window seat. And you can listen, the window seat, you can hit that vape all fucking four hours. All four hours. By the time you land, you're fucking, don't even want to get off this. Let's just go back. I've never, especially if they, because have you ever seen been on the planes where it looks like there's mist coming out of it where it's just like a super misty, like right by the window? That's the best. We were flying to Bonneroo, and I was just, I was hit, I wasn't even hiding it.

I was just because I had nobody in that row, and I was just hitting the vape, and it would just, like, blow a cloud under the seat. I love it. Oh, it's the best, man. People are retarded, but last time I did it, one of the times I was smoking on the plane, a girl, a young girl kept saying, Mommy, there's smoke. And she kept saying, that's not smoke. That's air conditioning.

Mommy, mommy, mommy, I see smoke. Mommy, mommy, I see smoke. And she's like, stop it, Lindsay, that's not smoking. And the dad was like, what are you talking about? I see smoke, Daddy, watch, and I would do it on purpose. look right after they look away right after they fucking go look what and then she finally got an hour and she goes

I see something but we don't understand hmm that's weird okay I'll ask the pilot and that was it nobody said fucking nothing nobody cares as long as you don't blow in anybody's face nobody gives a fuck dude you know what you mean makes actually the plain smell better do you work the 10 bian improv

I don't not yet when you work the 10 p.m. Don't they put you in this ritzy booply hotel I've been staying there for years that's what the one time they put Rogan in my room, me and Rogan's room. I get the Rogan's room. I got a palace. I go downstairs to knock on his door and he's got the little chinty room. I'm like, dog.

Come up late. I got to show you some. So we went to dinner on the way back and go, look at my room. He's like, fuck, they gave you my room. But we've been staying there for a long time. So his last time I stayed there, they have a smoking balcony. So I would roll joints and go out with my blue. and they'd be having conferences there's a restaurant underneath a la fresco restaurant

outside there's a little everywhere they have conferences and there's like a little setting deck and I would fucking light a joint and smoke it like a chimney and when they were looking around I'd just have my blue out there but I'd have my joint my right hand

I fucked with them for all weekend Josh they confit they were everywhere and then I would leave the joint for them in the ass tray, like a fucking like Spider-Man. Then the next day I would go to, they have a way that you could walk out of the vestibule through a thin alley.

But guess what? If it's windy, you could smoke in that alley and it goes right back to the thing. Again, I'm watching them fucking with radios. I smell it in the North Corner. I had them going fucking bananas for four fucking, I love torturing people. I don't want to smoke.

It's one of my most favorite fucking things. There's something I've got to talk about because you mentioned it but you didn't fucking mention what's that when I share a certain passion that's the reason why you're sitting on the chair it's not even the passion I love you is a producer and creative a goddamn comedy show and you do a great job and I'm happy you put me on there's some there's a main reason why you're sitting there I love you as much as I do a couple years ago you suffered a loss and uh I live in L.A. a long time I've gone through a couple of losses in L.A. especially at the comedy store and they always uh they always turn it into uh no leave right there

they always turning into uh la theatrical experience you know you know i had maryland who died in 2007 around the time i stopped doing blow and i remember all these people that came to me and cried at the fucking thing and i see them on her birthday they never come up to me there's only one person who calls me on her birthday. And every time I'm driving to the comedy store, I think about it. It's just going to have been her driving instead of me. You know, you just think it's not something that I put on myself with sad music.

Sure. I just don't know. I say a little prayer for Maryland, you know, because she would have been down there with me at the comedy store. And you find yourself in life. In life, I had early losses as a child. These kids in grammar school, in 99, I had one of my best friends that was a fucking savage

but he loved that I did comedy. I have their pictures up. And every Monday I put a glass of water and I say a prayer for them. And I live for them in a way. I go, you know what, man? And I know you were tight with Angela. I remember for years,

you wore it heavy. It messed with you. And I know for a fact that when I read the goddamn comedy jam picked up, I thought a fucking angel. Do you want to hear something? Oh, my God. Do you want to hear something even creepier?

When do you hear something even crazier? I'm sorry I brought this up. No, no, no, no. This is the podcast, baby. This is this with men, though. One, I love talking about Angelo Bowers because I want other people that don't know about him to look him up and look up his comedy because he was great. He was one of the best. So everybody listening, like, look up Angelo Bowers.

There's not a lot of clips of him, but the ones that are up there are great. Where we shot the hour special was literally 200 feet away from where the accident was. Like, I, so before the shoot, Like, so before the shoot, like, life's a motherfucker. Life's a motherfucker. So I went, I went to the, to the accident spot, and I chilled out, and I put on some music, and I kind of just got present, talked to him a little bit, went into the show. Now, not to take the subject off you. Please.

There's just a lot of listeners know if you really want to get fucked up. You put two pieces of nicotine gum in your mouth to chew for two minutes and drink a gallon of water. Holy shit. That washes that nicotine gum right into your stomach. you'll never feel a surge like that in your life before. I gotta be honest with the first time I read that, first thing that came to my mind was fucking Angela. Yeah, for sure.

He made the fucking work from up above. And then now you tell me this, that it was 200 fucking feet from the accident. You're like, oh, he's, dude, the reason, the reason I'm still doing stand-up, the reason I'm doing this show is because of him. He was the guy that told me to do it. it you know what I mean it's so weird I try to tell I'm 53 and I wouldn't be if I didn't

get signs you get signs man you get signs and you can't tell people because right of way they'll call a straightjacker for you and go you're fucking crazy or retarded but you know in your heart Jesus Christ look what this motherfucker did look what he laid out from here he went but he never forgot me and he's watching me he watches me sometimes when I make when I want to make a left someone tell me to make it right and you're like fuck what made me do that you're like you know one of these motherfucking ghosts that I got on my back because they don't leave they don't leave they go into a hole

and that fucking soul last and they watch man but I gotta tell you I always thank Angelo for you for that because when I saw that fucking thing I go wow wipe some motherfucking I know you said the same thing and now you proved it to me so well he he was a guy that told me do the show. He told me, he goes, this is like, I mean, I don't even know how long ago it was, but he's still alive. So I'm probably like 2010, 2011. He's like, dude, he's like, you, you're great doing stand-up. And I can tell you having fun, but there's, there's something about you doing music where it's undeniable. He's like, you got to figure out a way to combine both

those, whether it's a show or it's a this or it's a that, but just figure it out. And so when all that shit happened in 2012, And then you spend, you know, like I got, you know, I got sober and then like started. Then I got Montreal and shit didn't start going right. And I was like, I don't even know if I want to do this anymore. Then I heard him just be like, what do you do that show? And I was like, yeah, you're right. You know what I mean?

I should do that show because I'm not going to give up. If I gave up, he would have been even more pissed. And so I just listened to what he said. And it just, it's like when we have like the roadies on the show, if you remember, we have the, we've Jeremiah Watkins and Johnny scored us. and Johnny, when I asked him to be the roadie, I said to him, I was like, would you want to be it? And he goes, well, I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

And I go, just do what Angela would think is funny. And just do what the shit you used to do with him. Because he used to see us and pop his chest out and be super, like, aggressive. But he was like, just kidding with us because he's like the nicest dude ever. And I was like, just do that. And that's what he does. You know what I mean? It's literally, he's got his hand in every part of this show.

And it's just like he's directing it. that's what he's making it's so easy is because he's there man you know he's 100% there good for you man thank you i'm happy it all worked out i'm happy that you got a sign i'm happy that uh you know this all worked out and you're a great kid thank you buddy you grow up around here and it's good to see these guys you know with the traffic and with the come and go that we have when you see somebody stick around and just stick to what he's been doing you know you dean bunch of guys I've seen grow right in fucking front of me, so

it does some. Let me give some shoutouts. Teddy Gregory, Dustin and Oasis, Bob Lalingis, Sergio Ortega, my man, Matt Baker up there in Bakersfield, Dustin Lucie, Ari Stidham,

no bow in Japan, you bad motherfucker, and Ted Zoltan. What are you nuts? Or what? So what's up with you, Lee Cox? Sucker. What did you think of the barbecue in Austin? Give people a review. Well, it was great.

Where have you had, I made barbecue wings on two months on Sunday. The wings of the hotel were great. But, okay, so I had it. The first time we went to Austin, we were staying in this weird location. So I just took a cab one day, and it was like a chain. People know it. I talked to people about it in Austin. It's a chain that's in, like, gas station, sort of.

But it was good. I enjoyed it. And then this time, we had, luckily Bobby Sharon. And he took me to Blacks. and there wasn't because I would love in theory to try Franklin's but I can't

I was talking to some people they get there like six in the morning that's too much that that's I can't do that so blacks there wasn't there was like a line for like five minutes we got Bobby Sharon tricked me

that he told me to get a beef rib which I didn't know was like the Flintstone's style style of the whole thing no I couldn't I ate most I got a half a pound of brisket that I got a potato salad I'm starving right now

You're talking about barbecue. What do you think of Texas as a whole? It has a really bad reputation where I'm from. It's really weird. Because I don't know. Where I'm from is mostly Democrat, I would guess. And there's mostly Republican. And it's just, it's crazy how much it divides people.

So I always hear about Texas. Like, I forget who we were talking about. But someone was driving cross country and they said, don't stop in these towns. Like, that's what people would say to me about Texas. Like don't, you don't want to be a Jew in Texas. And then when I moved out here, I started hearing about Austin with South by, you know what it might have been, how this dates me. But I was a kid and the real world was there. The show was, and they had like a video thing.

And that was their job. They were working at South by Southwest. And that was right when I wanted to start doing videos. So I was like, oh, that Austin might be fucking cool. That might be nice. And then you hear about it, you hear about it. And every time I go, my mind the mind

it changed my life driving cross country here the first time because I drove through the south and they're just fucking nicer I they're just they're even at the gas station is just sweet like you said you said you hate Waffle House I'll always love Waffle House because every time you go in the the nice

When I'm the food's bad I know it the food's terrible The service has got like a smile How can you can't mess up a waffle I mean just don't get eggs Well who goes in there for fucking Waffle It's a Waffle house That doesn't mean you go in there for fucking waffle.

Yes, you do. I've sat in there with ten times. I never had a walk. I've never got the eggs there. We actually just went. I went to Waffle House for the first time when I was in Tennessee doing Bonaroo and everybody. You got to get the hash browns. What are they called?

I don't know. I haven't been that often. They're like, it's like cheese and something else on. They're called like split it and win it. It's something real quasi-racist. You know what I mean? Somebody made up. And it was bullshit.

It was literally like, it was literally like, it was literally just like hash browns you get a Denny's with a piece of cheddar cheese on it. Yeah, I don't get anything but waffles there, but the whole point was, and then the past two times, both times every one I meet, whenever I would get to

go out and say hi or everyone's just so nice to me there. And it's, uh, first of all, I've never looked at it as a Republican or a Democrat. I've never considered myself anything as a child, nothing. I always thought that was the dumbest fucking thing I have heard in

So I've never thought about it that way. But let me tell you the reality about Texas. For me, in my life, I cut my comedy teeth in Texas. You were saying if I break my dates down that I worked in Texas, it would have probably been five years, six years out of my 25 years. And they went along for the rides. You know, I bombed in a lot of places. Austin was one of them.

I used to bomb in Austin all the time. because they're conservative in a way. Austin, isn't Austin a little bit more, like, it's kind of like a... It's RT. It's an artee. It's a little bit more. People say it's more free thinking. I've had great times in fucking Houston and Dallas.

I've had great times. I've had great times in Opaso. One of the nights of comedy I laughed the hardest in my life was an Amarillo comedy club. It's closed now. It's not even thought to be a comedy club. One of the hardest nights I ever laughed at. and there was six people in the audience. Who was it?

It was myself, and Mike Fabman was the feature act. And I tell you this, two guys, this girl had the waitress there, had the biggest breast you ever saw in your life, and they were real. She was a chubby Mexican girl, but her tits had just, something happened to her,

and she was about to go for the surgery. To get them reduced? To get them reduced, like, by half, because they were just ginormous, ginormous, and she wasn't. wasn't a stripper, she was a student. That had to stop going to school because they ridiculed. Jesus.

Her mother was Mexican, the dad was Mexican. They owned the Mexican restaurant next door to it. And there was a comedy club there. Froggy Bottoms had been there for years. See if Froggy Bottoms are still openly. And what time? Amarillo, Texas. Or I think it's Amarillo.

But let's just ask Froggy Bottom Comedy Club. And that club, they closed. and they felt so bad they opened it as a restaurant. But then people started coming and going, where's the comedy? Where's the comedy? And they started calling them. They didn't know what they were doing.

I had no idea. They knew nothing. They have one in Lubbock. Lubbock. Is it still open? I think so. Let's see. Lovic.

It wasn't Amarillo. Amarillo was Kelly Moran's call. No, it closed, according to the Yelp. How long ago? Let me check that. I don't know. Because it was like Rose's Mexican restaurant. Lee Syatt, your head would have blown up at this place.

I never forgot how good the tamale was with lettuce and cheese on top of the lettuce. Did they get it from the restaurant next door? The restaurant owned the Comedy Club. They ended up buying it, and they had a daughter named Julia. And they didn't know nothing about promotions, nothing. We get there, they had a condo that they bought from the Comedy Club. Nice condo. A nice little fucking three days.

But that particular event, I was on stage for six people. And there was one guy that was drinking doubles. and every time he'd look at it, you could see that his tits were getting bigger. Right? He would just look at them. Like, at first, it was like he was very polite. He was a Christian man. You could see that he was raised well.

But after six drinks, those tithies are those tities. He popped a cup of nicotine gums, and he was off to the races. He was off and running, and he would just sit there and go, Oh, yeah! Like, he just, and every time, he was like he was in his living room, calling his wife. Yeah. And every time he looked like he looked at her, like, look at the size of your titters,

Hulia. And then she would walk away and he'd go, Hulia. So by the end of the show, he was fucking hammered, hammered by the end of the show. And all he would say is, Hulia. And he would doze off for two minutes and people would goofing on him and throwing shit out of him. And he'd wake up and he go, Hulia. And that was it. He went home saying Hulia.

And every time he said, Julia, I got to tell you, it was funny than anything I had to say. Because I was on stage just laughing at him. Alcohol, put him into that man on fire, osmosis. When you're just getting drunk, you didn't pass out yet. And you're mumbling things to yourself. He was mumbling things about his childhood. I mean, there was a mental health issue. Do you drink?

Not drinker? I don't think I was going to say. I don't think I've ever seen you how to drink. I'm so paranoid. of drinking and driving up that fucking hill and somebody hits me and the cops says, have you been drinking? And I got to tell him yes.

Then I got a fucking pee in a bottle. We've got a needle in my fucking arm. We'll give a breathalyzer. I'd rather not do anything at all. Sure. You know, in 1980, I did a hit of acid. I went to aerosmithing on the way home. I saw this accident.

A car was on fire. It was a girl fucking cut in half. And an RX7, they were trying to take her in the boyfriend out, alcohol everywhere. And that night I'm in a mental note. I'm never drinking fucking drive in 1980. And I just, I can have a machine gun and a dead body in my trunk. And it will not bother me as much as if I have.

Wondri, yeah. And drive. Yeah. If I see one cop, I fall apart. I do not fall apart for anything. If I'm drinking, it's like being in a stolen car. I never stole a car in my life. It's the dumbest thing in the world.

They caught you in. You're in it. That's it. I can't lose it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's not like, what are you talking about? I don't know.

I didn't see no credit card. Search the house. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. We didn't find the credit card. Okay. There's litigation. What happened to the card?

I got them all fucked up on the fucking investigation. With a police car, with a cop with a stolen car, a minute. It's the same thing with drinking and dry. I always thought I'm in it. I would not snort coke and get behind a wheel of a fucking car. You get really mad at me when you heard that I drink and drive.

Even when I waited until I'd like, yeah. No, no, no. It's not even accepted in my world because it's old news. That's all fucking news. Yeah, by this point, everybody should know. That's old fucking news, yeah. Especially with the day and age of Uber. Yeah.

No, no, no, no. It's old fucking news. Yeah. To me, in my world, there was no old news 15 years ago. Like 15 years ago, if they caught you drinking and driving, you should have got smacked, knocked the fuck out of you and 10 days automatically in jail. That's how I really feel. Like 10 days.

Well, I have something tomorrow. Too bad. It's like when they catch you with a gun in Manhattan. You get caught with a handgun on no license in Manhattan or something. They have that law. And you go right to the tombs. You get processed the next morning. Really?

Going home. There's no saying goodbye to your family. There's no telling your work that you fucked up. That's the consequences. You know, and until you do consequences like that. Like, I was in prison with two guys. That were the nicest kids in the world. That went out for three drinks after the prom.

Or one night after Kai Bader Kappa, they had four beers and they ran into a fat. They don't fuck around in some states. Both of them killed somebody or put somebody in the hospital, you know. Right there, that's it. Right there, that's it. Not only number two, I'm a comic. Without a car? Yeah.

That's a lonely career, Doug. I saw it. I saw it two or three times. Comics, I got DUIs and Demo when I was first starting. They got to call you and you got to meet them. and they live in the edge of hell. No, no, no, no, no. I'll drive my old fucking car.

I don't want to know creepy motherfuckers in my car, smoking cigarettes, listen to Shangri-a music, and I got to put up with that shit for a fucking hour. Fuck you and the horse you rode up on, man. No, no, no, no, no. So, no, there's so many disadvantages to a bus for me. You want to scare Joey Dears?

Tell me he's got to take a bus on. That's it. I'll take a train in New York, the cop an ounce of coke, or they got a slice of pizza or something. But this night, man, no. And the bus, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm too old for the fucking bus.

So, yeah. Never will I drink and drive. Well, in New York, it's like getting on the subway is just like, it's nothing. It's just a beautiful thing. It's like part of the city and, like, you know, you have the option to take a cab because it's more accessible. But in L.A., it's like, if you don't have a car, you're fucked. I don't have weed in my car at night.

I don't smoke at night. I just don't smoke. You can get caught here with weed, and they won't do anything, right? No, but I'll smoke when I come over to hell. But why? Why, yeah, you have to show them your license, and they talk to you and they give you a ticket, then you got to go to court with that fucking license

and then plead out. It's still going to make you go to court. You're still going to get a ticket for it. Even if you have a joint? I don't know, I don't know, but I've heard why take the chance? Sure. Because that Thursday, I have to leave town

for fucking one of my biggest weeks. You know what I'm saying? One of my favorite weeks, and I've got to call that comedy club and tell them why, because it resonates. I get it. That type of shit resonates. So you know what, at night,

I don't want to smoke? I smoke when I come over the hill As soon as I get over a hill I spark I pull over You don't smoke at the comedy store Since I've been back to that one night One of the kids I took two of it I had a joint

And I gave it to him And I felt weird That I was giving them a joint Not smoking it I didn't want them to say Joey what the fuck What'd you put in there You know what I'm saying

So I took two hits Just to live It was a waitress I didn't want it to think I got it Yeah yeah yeah So I'd never But besides that

I don't really try I never shitty weed They give me one of those free joints from a fucking... From the things, yeah. From one of the dispensaries. Yeah. Apparently they're working on a way to figure out if you're high.

Yeah. That's why, no. Why just break the house? Just talk to them long enough and you'll find out. You know what I mean? All you got to do is ask them a couple questions. Like, I mean, alcohol is so easy. It's just on your breath.

We eat is, it's like, you can tell, man. You can tell people. I have a high fucking tolerance for marijuana and edibles. The other than I ate 1,000 milligrams. And I was driving home and I'm like I'm not high. No. Like I wouldn't get in the car if I even had like a suspicion. There's tons of night.

Me and Leostis city at two hours after we're just talking. And in reality, it's just because I don't want to get in the fucking car. Because you're so high or you just don't want to try? Yeah, I just know that there's a time when I could get in the car and there's a time when I can't get in the fucking car. Yeah. I know. I know. Even when you smoke a couple joints, it's a, you'll hit a garbage can or one of those mirrors that's sticking out.

I've been down that road already. guys I wouldn't fucking talk to you unless I knew about it you know I don't crash cars I had garbage cans and those cones God always puts those cones in my way and rearview mirrors I've knocked off 10 rear rear mirrors and I'm on two of my own and 10 of somebody else's you know so you know when you get in the car driving's tough as is sober like it's just so many fucking dickheads on the road that I got I got cut off on the way here tonight in a way guys that you You've got to pull over and say, call him a fucking cunt. I hope your mother's head blows up where she's sucking your father's dick or something evil to him.

You had to pop two nicotine gums just to calm yourself down. I don't have time for it. I don't even have time to beep anymore. If you're that fucking retarded, you're going to get yours. You're going to get yours because I could have been drunk and do it 90. And you want to play that. Let me just do it right so you can slow down and fuck with you a little bit. Really?

There you go. Now you go right there. they just caught another one let me get the paper what's up link did you ever have like um i i i went when i first started doing paula she would like get upset because of how upset i'd get behind the wheel and she didn't like it's weird how it like you get so upset but it doesn't really stay with you at least for me it doesn't like i'll get furious

while i'm driving i've thrown paints cans of people oh i used to keep in my jeep i used to keep like bolts and I used to throw those at cars that would do fucked up shit. One minute I'm the fucking one of those, the five, for ten miles, I fought one of the guy. I threw him pennies at him.

I cracked his fucking windshield. He chased me. I pulled off. I threw more pennies at him. I got his windshield. And I went home and I go, what the fuck did I just do? What the fuck?

How old am I? What the fuck is this shit? This guy could have had a fucking missile launcher. He could have been an ISIS on his way to a fucking house party. And here I am throwing pennies at some fucking guy from my middle console because he cut me on. You know what?

These type of guys, they got somebody off and somebody's texting and he's doing 90s. I'd take the rear end. This guy's going to be in a fucking wheelchair and the rest of his life and he'll figure it out. He'll figure it the fuck out. Yeah, I used to get mad. I don't do it anymore.

I had a buddy that would just scream bloody murder, man. I mean, like, it was his dad. I think he thought it, that's his dad did it. So he thought it was cool if he did it. And I mean, he would fucking just, yeah, fuck, yeah, fat. And it's like, dude, you look ridiculous right now. The guy, he has no idea.

Like, just give him the finger and move on. I mean, you can get up close to him. Dude, I had a woman do something so stupid recently on sunset where, like, I could have died. Another car could have died. And so I pulled up next to her. And I had my window down in it. Like, the super most calm way, I was like, do you realize what you could have done? You almost killed me in another car.

And she just stared straight ahead. They don't care. They don't care. She stared straight ahead. She started, she rolled a window up when she saw me coming up. And she could hear me. They do not care. They don't give a fuck.

They don't give a fuck. They don't give a fuck. They don't give a fuck. And that's what I'm saying. That they, when people have that attitude, they're not going to change. And soon enough, someday they're going to get this. Oh, for sure. You know it.

Now at this point, I'm like, it's not even worth it. I've got so many tickets. God bless you. I've got so many tickets when I first got my Cadillac, man. Like, I didn't realize how fast it was. And I got a shit. shitload of tickets. Also, I got a CTSV. And I didn't realize how, dude, it's fucking V8. It's powerful as fuck. And also, I was on opiates because when I got it, I was like, that was when I still

used it. So I was fucking, dude, one time I got from the Hollywood improv to the Irvine improv in like 35 minutes. Like, I was going 120 the whole way at 11 o'clock at night so I could make my spot with Destiny Bar and Nick, yeah, just fucking just bawling. I got so many times. I got so many tickets and it literally like my insurance went up all this other shit to the point now where I take my time my daddy always say that he's like dude just take your time you're gonna get there just you know be a defensive driver I took all the guy to take classes I do all this shit to keep my license and and now I mean I'm a defensive driver but I don't take my time well you know what I mean you know what I mean don't know there's going like there's like going 70 80 miles an hour

but there's also going 70 80 miles an hour in a straight line not going jean jian just curving through different cars. That's when you're gonna like... Yeah, no, you'll end up dead. Yeah, it's when you end up dead, you know? Dude, I used to fucking, you know, smoke... I always liked smoking weed and driving. Like, drinking it, actually drinking and drive

and I was actually good at. I have three DUIs, but I mean... Some people are good at that shit. There you go. Check it out. They just sent me pictures from Black Sabbath. You should have gone, dude. I feel like such an ass.

We could have done this tomorrow night. No, not at all, my friend. We couldn't have done it tomorrow night. Check it out. Let me see. I know how to fucking do this. He's right there, too. Let me say.

I just saw, speaking of Rage Against a Machine. Do you just want to see? I just saw Prophets of Rage. How were they? Okay. Here's the deal. Rage Against the Machine is not, it's like this. Tom Marilla, the band is incredible, but Zach De LaRocca is that fun.

He's what makes that band. He's like the icing on a delicious cake already. It's so perfect with him as a lead singer to have Chuck D and be real. It just wasn't good enough, in my opinion. And it's like this. Like if Queen wants to tour, right? Like they have to get a new singer because Freddie Mercury died. Zach De LaRocca is living in Tustin.

Like he's there. He can do the goddamn show if he wants to. It's like that's what hurt me even more. It's like, why can't he just do it? We need raised against the machine right now with all the fucked up political shit going on in the world. Like, you need that voice. You need this band more right now than ever before they came out. Like, this

is it with fucking Trump running for president. Like, we need that band. And given the finger to the fucking man. And it just it was, it was like, I've seen Rage Against the Machine Live, who is probably the best live band I've ever seen. So it just didn't live up to it. Everybody else was going apeship bananas. They were going

fucking bananas. And I was just like, you motherfuckers have no idea. You don't know. These are for people. It's like, there was literally like a Rage Against a Machine cover band. It was an amateur hour, and they all fucking took the bait. They took the bait. That's all. You know what?

When you're watching them, unless you're fucking an amateur, you're like, this is just something that'll be for a while. You know, I came, I enjoyed it. You would know what I did? Fucking drank two Red Bulls and probably like 15 pieces of nicotine gum and just fucking rode that way, baby. Forget about it. You got to do the nicotine gum with the sugarless fucking Red Bull. That's what I did. I did that before I came here, dude, on the right here.

What do you think you're dealing with that? These amateurs do the sugar red bull. It's without the sugar that puts you on the different fucking planet. You understand me? I love you. You have no idea how much that moment when you saw that nicotine gum. We're like, let me get a piece. That made me, that was the greatest part of my whole life.

I'll have to go get a pack myself four milligrams. I'll give you a 10-pack in my car, baby. I'll throw it at you. Let's do it. I couldn't get you the ju-ju beads that you wanted, so I'll give you some nicotine gum. I don't read a lot of men. magazines. I really don't. From time to time, I'll read

people. I like the first couple pages of people. I like Rolling Stone. The first couple pages of Rolling Stone, or if I see like a specific article about the Rolling Stone, they did a bunch of articles about Pink Floyd last year, so I picked them up, Jerry Rocha picks them up, whatever.

That's my experience. It with it. But this texture that I'm going to tell you guys about, I've heard nothing but great things from people who fly, especially people who fly, and have three or four magazines. Some people will read magazines the way some people fucking listen to podcasts. So thanks to pizza, we're all binge eating.

Thanks to Netflix, we're all binge watching. But now with texture, you could start to binge read, like what people are fucking doing. Trust me, it's about to be a thing. When it comes to magazines, you know what you like. And with texture, you can get all the magazines you want in one super convenient place. Texture has completely reimagined magazines,

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Textia has made it easy to find articles you care about. I don't just get to read these magazines I mentioned, but you can also get the other ones I mentioned, from ski to Smithsonian to Southern Living to Sports Illustrated kids to successful farming. I mean, it goes on and on and on. What I'm going to do is this. Sign up to texture right now and gain inside access to all the content from the world's best publications. The best part is text is offering my listeners a free trial right now. When you go to texture.com slash Joey, you'll gain immediate entry to all the top magazines,

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Lee, so far, how many pounds of you want? I know you fucking blew up. I blew up in Austin, but I've been really, Blue Apron has really been helping me. I wasn't cooking before Blue Apron. It was too much to go get recipes. and I was cooking the same two things with Blue Apron. And it comes, it literally comes to my house with everything that I need.

So I'm a jerk, I'm a jerk if I don't do it now. What days does it come? It's coming tomorrow. It comes Tuesday every week. You're going to go on a mission tomorrow. I'm going to come by and rob the fucking shipment. What order are you getting tomorrow? Let's see.

I don't know. I'm looking forward. I haven't even looked to see what I'm getting. It's like, I like, I like, you can go like a month in advance and like pick your meals. But then I,

because I just forget. And it's like a surprise when it comes in. Let's see what I'm getting. Let's give me two seconds. And you like all the stuff that comes in the box. You eat the vegetables. You use all the products to the end. Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to say everything has been my favorite meal.

But, like, it's been interesting because I've never once, I did that juice thing for a while. And I had kale and he made fun of it. And a couple of the things have had kale in it. I'm like, eh, that's not going to be good. It was like a kale, corn, like, stir-fry thing. It was pretty good. Well, anyway, as long as you like the ingredients, somebody talked to you about Blue Wave, Not all ingredients are created equal.

Fresh, high quality ingredients taste better and are better for you. So it's important to know where your food comes from. Talk about, you know, for less than $10 per meal. Blue Apron will deliver seasonal recipes along with pre-portion ingredients to make your delicious home-cooked meal. Pre-portion, that's the package right there. Blue Apron knows that when you cook with incredible ingredients, you make incredible meals.

credible meals. So they set the highest quality standards for their community, suppliers, family-run farms, fisheries, and ran ranches. Whether it's the Japanese ramen noodles or the wild-caught Alaskan salmon or the heirloom tomatoes, Blue Apron is bringing you the best, okay? What we're going to do is this. It's nice and simple. They mail your box, right, Lee? Yeah, they mail you box with everything. So this week, listen to this. I'm getting Korean pork tacos with spicy red cabbage law. I'm also getting black and chicken. with zucchini, rice, corn and cherry tomatoes. And then I'm getting brown butter and thyme yoke with mushrooms and Swiss chard.

Look at the other, look at this. Crispy salmon and orzo salad. Yeah, that might be the family. Crispy pork chops with lemon mustard oleoli. Chicken fried rice. I mean, this is just tremendous. Summer squash with mozzarella and fecasio pizza. New recipes are created weekly and are not repeated within the year.

Choose your meals from a variety of recipes. or let Blue Apron's culinary team surprise you. Listen, you make up your own mind. You're killing yourself for less than $10 a meal. Blue Apron will give you a dinner of your life. Let's do this. I'm going to do this for you tonight. You're going to get your first three meals for free.

That's free. F-R-E with free shipping to boot by going to Blue Apron.com slash Joey. That's blueapen.com slash Joey. Thank you guys for listening to the show. Don't forget, most important. There's a few fucking tickets left for New York City. Don't hit me up on Twitter saying, Joey, there's no tickets left.

Last week in Austin, same fucking thing happened Friday. All day on Twitter, Joey got no tickets. There's nothing. There's nothing. I get four people and I'm going to New York. So don't come crying to me. If you want tickets, I know Saturday night sold out already in New York. Oh, shit.

There's three fucking days to rock the house. Get on those motherfuckers. And I don't have another date till the last. No, there's only three more. No expectation to show. and that's October 29th at the fucking ice house. So you got New York and the ice house the week after that. What do you got coming up, Tarzan?

October 4th, we're going to be at the Roxy, the goddamn comedy jam at the Roxy. Every Thursday night, you can see me at the Hollywood Improfit, Midnight Snacks. Sometimes it's Thursday nights on a Saturday. Check my Instagram on that bullshit to find out. Also, we'll be at the New York Comedy Festival, November. Fuck, I should probably look at this because you're talking about it. Hold on. Well, we're going to be at Houston.

No, we're in Houston. We're in Houston in November. What date? Tell them the day. November 18th. I just don't know what exactly is the time. I think it's a whole weekend festival. It's a whole thing.

So I know I'm there Friday night, one night. So we're doing November 5th. We're at Gramacy Theater. If you're in New York to see the goddamn comedy jam guys, you can check me out on all social media is Josh Adam Myers. The goddamn comedy jam is the GD Comedy Jam, man. And watch it on Comedy Central and say a prayer. And hopefully we go to series.

And then Joey Diaz can do a much better quality taping of killing in the name of fucking dude. We'll do freedom by Rage Genson Machine. Fuck, yeah. We'll do. No, we got to do. Girls just want to have girls. Girls just want to have fun. Fucking whipping post.

We'll do everything. Lisa, yeah, we might be back tomorrow. We might not. We might just see you next week. But don't forget, we love you. Cocksucker. Stay black. have a great day. Thank you, Josh.

My pleasure. Thank you. Thank you. The flying Jew. I love you. It's both. Stay black cock suckers. This show was brought to you by Blue Apron. Go to Blue Apron.com slash Joey right now and check out this week's menu. When you sign up at Blue Apron.com slash Joey, you're going to get your first three meals for free with free shipping.

So go to Blue Apron. So go to Blue Apron.com slash Joey right now and sign up for Blue Apron. You're going to get your first three meals for free with free shipping. The show is also brought to you by Texture. Go to texture.com slash Joey right now. now and they're offering our listeners a free trial when you go to texter.com slash joey you'll gain immediate entry to all the top magazines including back issues and bonus content so start binge reading for free right now when you go to texter.com slash joey texter dot com slash joey do you

do you know what you want to close with rage against the machine killing in the name of yeah dude oh so much i got peeve so bad go ahead thank you brother thank oh my god please that was great Dude, I'm like, my favorite part of the whole thing is when we're talking about nicotine down. That made me laugh so fucking hard. Please. This is yours. Now you do what they told you You do what they told you

Now you do what they told you