The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #421 - Bruce Buffer

Episode Date: October 13, 2016

Bruce Buffer, the voice of the UFC, and host of the "IT'S TIME!" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio! This podcast is brought to you by:   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 10/12/2016.
  

This show is brought to you by OnIt. Go to Onit.com and use code word church to save 10% on all of their amazing optimization products like AlfaBrain, New Mood, Shum Tech Immune, and Shroom Tech Sport. The story about control. Kick that, Muley. Control of what I say. Control of what I do. Wednesday, October 12th, 2016, you bad motherfuckers. Uncle Joey here, Lysayat here.

My main man, Bruce Buffer in the house. It's the church of what's happened now. A little old school Janet Jackson when she was still rocking and rolling. Oh shit. Kick it. Kick that muley. Kick that fucking muley.

I want to see that board blow up in flames and shit. Like a fucking Samsung phone. Blow that thing up, brother. Oh shit. I thought it was just another Wednesday night, huh? Shit. Here we go. Bye-bye.

Oh, shit. I did what people told me. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. What the fuck you think you're dealing with? Thank you very much for clicking in. Bruce Buffy, Lee Sayat. What's the story, Lisa yet?

Ooh, I'm doing good. How are you feeling? All right, you have a good day today? I had a great day. I went down to Beverly Hills for a little bit, did a little work, and went to the gym. Did you bump him for the small 15 yet? Are you still fucking around?

No, I'm not. I didn't ask him for 15 grand yet. All right. Fucking guy. I'm sorry, I apologize. What's going on with you, Bruce Buff? You're back. You're beautiful.

You got canceled. So here we are this week. You're relaxing. Well, I got canceled, man. I'm glad I don't have a TV show running right now. You would have scared the hell out of me right there. But you know what? Just got back from Manchester, England.

Crazy night of UFC action there. I've been traveling for them, traveling for other appearances. And right now with the show that was going to be in Manila in the Philippines. It got canceled at the last second, the ninth hour. And you'll never hear me say this. but I mean, I hate missing the UFC, but I'm happy that I got three weeks in town and going to relax and enjoy

and get back to some other things I've got to do. You know, a couple weeks ago, I got put on the opening weekend of the oddball tour. And it was just a came sudden that didn't have a lot of advertising. The first week had a great lineup, but it just didn't fall the great way it should have. So they first canceled Sunday and Saturday.

So all we had left was Thursday and Friday. How did you feel about that? Do you like that? I was pretty happy. I was moving that week. I didn't really want to fucking come back Monday morning and have to get right on the moving truck and pick up and the baby and the wife.

So I was pretty happy about that. And then there was rumors that they were going to cancel Thursday and Friday. And as soon as the rumor hit me Monday, I went and cut a chicken head like I wanted it to fucking cancel. And as much as I didn't, you know, every once in a while, you need that.

It's like when you're a kid and they closed school for two days. Oh, I love snow days. You catch a fucking break. Every once in a while you catch a little break, and it's when you need it in life. Yeah, but sometimes you don't catch that break at your own direction. You catch that break because you're the opposite end. Oh, yeah, yeah. The opposite.

Oh, yeah. I get it. Because you're a pro, and I consider myself a pro. And, Lee, I'll tell you by the end of the show, okay? Thank you. I appreciate it. I hope I impress. You're doing great.

By the end of the show, it'll be Chris. I got to saw some moves in the chair to Janet Jackson. I was a little impressed. Leaves the bad motherfucker. I got to be honest, though. I can only dance when I'm sitting down. I'm a big guy. I don't really have, I have short legs and I don't only move that well.

But sitting down, something about my, I have good hips. Great. I have good hips. Just make sure you got a chair that goes from side to side. I'm happy you have good hips. Wait, when I says captures you, you'll need those hips. God suck them. What are you saying?

You know what? It's just that when something happens like that, okay, you'll work every night of the week if you have to. You love what you do like I do. I'm passionate about what I do as far as what I do in the Octagon. And I don't ever want to miss show. and every time it's a show, it's my first show. And I just had this great passionate attitude that drives me. But I don't stop.

You know, it's like when I maybe should take a break, I don't. I'll just keep working. And I don't wear myself out because I, you know, I... No, you take care of yourself. I take care of yourself. You got to. You just keep moving. A lot of people don't understand this thing called work ethic and work, and it's working smart.

We don't have a job. Smart. You said it. Smart. Working smart. You and I don't have a job. Lifestyle. A job is nine to five Monday through Friday.

You're home with a cat Saturday and Sunday. You go food shopping and you're back at work Monday. Nothing wrong with that. Millions of people do that lifestyle. I love the whole diary there. Yeah, it's a really, it's a, it is what it fucking is. Yeah. Once you're in it, you're in it.

Some of the people get opportunities in life where they have a job, but not really. Or they have a job and it's nights and it's scattered. Maybe you work Monday, Tuesday and you have three days off. And, you know, everybody has a different situation. But then there's a thing when you're in a certain position where you're a one-man operation and you're your own boss. And when you first get that opportunity, you run yourself ragged for a few years because you overcompensate. That's true. But also, too, Joey, isn't a few years.

What's that? Your years in show business easily total of what? 30. 25. Mine's almost 30 now. And with that being said, it's just that we love what we do. like you said, I call it Life by Design. I don't take that away from anybody from what they do in life because I've certainly

had plenty of nine to five situations. I've also owned a company since I was 19, where it wasn't nine to five. It was nine to nine. Nine to nine. Seven days a week. You know what I'm talking about. So we all have to pay our dues and I'll do it. But even though they see you on a show, they see you in a movie, they see me in the

octagon or another area of entertainment where I work, it's like, oh, he's got it so easy. Oh, he's got it so easy. So easy. They don't take into account that granted, to put on that hour of show for an artist or work by the octagon for eight hours doing everything from, you know, what you do in the octagon or what you need to do out of the octagon during that eight hours to make the show flow and do your part of a huge team, you going to do your one-man show here coming up this week. There's mental preparation. There's physical preparation. There's so much preparation that goes into a lot of these things, no matter how small the job. And just because it looks easy, the trick is you make it look easy. And if you make it look easy, then all the professional tactics you're pointing into it are working because you're not running yourself into the ground and you keep your performance for your people strong, you know? It seems like whenever anyone says something's easy, they're never an expert. And if you're if you're ever in anything or even not even an expert, just it, but involved in anything, people always seem to say they have respect for it. People don't really fucking know. You don't know. People don't ever include travel time. People don't understand that when you look at, you know, when you look at it.

live in California, if you go get a fucking hot dog, it's a fucking hour down the road. You know, people that call you up and say, hey, come on down to Huntington Beach at 3 o'clock. We're going to have a screening. Listen, cock sucker, that means I'll leave it 12. That's my whole fucking day. This means you just leave a 12. It means you're sitting in five-mile-hour traffic. So it's amazing how, I'm going to be here 20 years in January.

I have an ethnic immigrant work ethic, which means. I don't give a fuck. If there's an envelope, we're there. If I don't have to pass out and kill myself or stab a motherfucker, we're there. You know what I'm saying? For the first 10 years I was here, I got here in 97 and I didn't even know what, you know, when I first met Joe Rogan, for example, people go, he's on news radio. I had no idea what news radio was because I was such a comic. I didn't watch TV. I was so into it. I didn't know what TV was. I didn't know what TV was till I got NYPD Blue and I finally turned it on one night

on a Tuesday night and I watched it for like an hour that's the first time in years I had turned it to and before that you know I did time I'm snort and blow and eating fucking monkey and shit I'm not watching TV what I'm therein the fuck stays home

in these days you didn't have the remote control in jail I had a black and white TV in my room but you know what I didn't even watch it I had there was always something yeah I'm just kidding that was always something always something and I don't understand it so last week uh sad you know Lee and I have this podcast and basically we get together Monday and Wednesdays and six out of 10 times I leave on Thursday more right and I don't care of Lee lights himself on fucking five for those Thursday

Friday Saturday I get back Sunday I'm you know listen man I'm a Cuban fucking Jew I don't know what the fuck people are talking about I get on I get the first flight out because There's no terrorism at the airport. How many times we fly together? We fly together. And that flight is never fucking delayed. So I get home, my wife and baby, I got a three-year-old, they're at church. I wait for him to come back.

I play with the baby. Then when the baby goes down and taking that, well, when I get up and after the hugs and the kisses and we eat the family dinner, my mind is already focused on Monday. I really don't give a fuck about unless Omaha of Omaha, when was that show when we were kids? Mutual Omaha. Mutual Omaha was on. Yeah, right. Well, Lawrence, well, I really don't give a fuck about life.

I'm worried about my Monday, you know. And it's funny that Lee and I have had a discussion. I go, Lee, on Sunday nights, when I call you, you know, I'm asking you questions. I'm lying in the fucking week up. Well, last weekend, Lee held on to his girlfriend on Sunday because it was Columbus Day, and I couldn't really talk to him. Right. And I had to say to Lee, like Tuesday, I go, and on Sundays.

I don't give a fuck. What holiday is? We only work like three nights here. You got to be attempted because I can't really talk to him when somebody's in the room. It's fucking rude. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. He's got some involvement with her, and I got to call him up to ask him a question about the computer.

It's kind of weird. The man's got class. You realize. Well, I can tell when somebody's dead. It doesn't take a fucking jeet. It's like, I don't pick up the fucking phone at the daytime because I got a three-year-old in front of me. Right. You ever call somebody who's got a kid and they want to tell your story, and they're talking to you and the kid at the same time?

And you'll finally go, listen, call me when the kid fucking leaves. Because I can't. So I don't pick up the fucking phone because I don't want to do that to people. Right. You always got a plan ahead. You know, there's people you know. There's people you go, listen, I got to go. You're talking.

Well, hold on. Let me take, no, there's nothing. We're from New York. I got to go. Bam! That's it. The kid's fucking outside yelling, you know. I'm the same way.

That's why I have that problem, because if the kids around, as soon as the phone rings, she wants to have a conversation. They want all your attention. They want all your attention. The same thing, when you're watching the TV with a woman

and some guy keeps calling you to ask you a question, they want all your attention. You're watching the movie together. This is my favorite movie. This is my favorite part. we propose. I don't give a fuck. I'm trying to make a living cock suck. I'm trying to bring an envelope poem. I don't get a fuck about your movie. Well, you know, you get back to the 24-7 aspects out of it. When I say it's not easy, we've worked very hard and respectfully in what

we do as everybody does out there. There are moments when it's easy, sure, because you're, cater to that. I mean, you're entitled to that. Absolutely. But it does take an effort. And like you said, as soon as you get home, and I do the same thing, I'm already plotting and planning and everything I'm going to do that week. Five o'clock. Everybody goes home. Everybody takes a nap. We hug.

Once I get up and we eat dinner, it's over. I excuse myself. I might wait a little longer. My wife plays. The baby plays the computer. I'm right there. I'm on the computer already setting up the week. Looking at my schedule, making calls, who's on the podcast, who's not one of the sponsors for the week?

Who's this? You know, this is, that's why I don't like working Sundays. People always said, well, you're a prima don't know. I knew when I was featuring, I hated working Sundays. I didn't see the point of doing a show for 80 people who didn't want to fucking be there. Right. You know, Sundays is family day in the summer, and the winter it's football. I got to get up after a football game.

I've been eating pretzels and fucking lipped and onion dip all day. I'm farting like a fucking, you know, I got gas masks coming out of my ass. Am I in danger of this tonight? I mean, what did you guys have for dinner? Just give me the warning now, okay? No, no, no, no. I'm kidding. But, uh...

No, we're just saying that. It's, it's, who wants to do something on a Sunday when I could do 30 things in my house. Sunday night. When you do comedy, they want you to work. Why don't you work Sunday night for 80 people to have you there for one? And then you can't even catch the fucking red eye. You're stuck there all day. Your family's eating at home by themselves and you're stuck there. Action is here Monday morning. I want to be here Monday morning. Yeah. Well, you got a wage offer that comes in. I'm sure you turn down a lot of offers, but you know, you've got away in many ways. A, the money. A, is this my thing? You know, am I going to feel good about this? Because I'm sure, like me, you've done stuff that you

didn't really want to be. No, no, no, no, no. And then pick what's right for you and, you know, just put it all together in the best way. This is about you, it's like your focus as you do so well, as any artist has to do. When I say an artist, there's all different kinds of artists. You're an artist. And what you do, you're an artist. And it's all about what sets and works for you. Because like you said, walking to that octagon, you know, it's a lonely sport in the world.

It's a one-man fighter. But, I mean, who's going to fill in for you, Joey? You got to fill him for Joey. Joey's sick. You got to fill him for Joey. You get what I'm saying? Oh, that's we got to go on stage. fucking vertigo.

How the freak? Do you go on stage with vertigo? How do you do that? There was 10,000 people, and I'm up there the second night in Irvine medals. Are you inclined to get vertigo? No. How did you get that? Backache and I fucking started eating those leaves because I'm like, okay, now the truth

comes out. Yeah, no, I had this back pain and I don't have time to be fucking sick. I'm like, you know, I'm like you. Don't you look on the back of the package that says, you know, two treats acrophobia, three treats of vertigo, you know. No, no, no. What I do is with a. I'm an old pot smoker.

So I have a problem with ref. I can't smoke the same reef. You know how people buy a pound of weed and smoke it for a year? I can't do it. I can't smoke the same week, two days. I do the same thing with pain pills. Like not pain pills, pharmaceuticals, but a leave, Tylenol. Yeah, none of that rough.

None of that rough stuff. No, no, no, no. One of the octon, bactin stuff. So something happened. I started eating those, and I started, you know, when you get to a certain age, you pee at night. so after a certain age you start looking after a certain time

I'm not saying anything I pee at night all the time Oh you do pee at night all the time Wait till you pee every hour On the fucking hour Wait a day Do you ever ever have that moment When you wake up to pee

And you just don't want to get out of bed You're telling yourself you can hold it You know it'll be okay Until the next four hours And your alarm goes off And you pee yourself No no no No that

That audience that hasn't had But Joey I think he's got a story for us Horrible that You know so sometimes I don't drink water at night Well one of those nights Why didn't drink water they fucked up my kidneys. I went to acupuncture.

She moved the energy and it became vertigo. So it would hit me like 10 minutes before I got the fucking Irvine Meadows the one night. The one night it hit me on stage. The one that it hit me when I was laying in bed, beat that one.

And then that Monday it went away. So I'm cool with that. How long's it last? 10 seconds, 15 seconds, but it's the worst 15 seconds of your fucking life. And you just walked out on stage or in the middle of your act? I'm in the middle of my act

when I shifted, Austin in the room just went, did you play with it when you came out of it? Did you play with it with the audience? I just stood there like I was the fucking deer in headlights, and I kept doing my joke. I kept breathing out of my nose, kept breathing, kept breathing.

I left my hand out like I was surfing to be cute, but I wasn't being cute. I was balancing myself, and so that was the deal. You know what? The audience, they probably thought it was all part of that. No, they didn't even know.

They didn't fall over or not. I didn't pull a Beyonce or Madonna and fall everywhere. Have you ever had to cancel a show, Bruce? No. No, I've had, no, I never have. As a matter of fact, up until about three years ago or maybe, I don't, it could be longer, I can't kick, I'm really lousy with time. It's just time flies by so fast, it blows me away. So answer your question, no, I've never canceled. I've been canceled on, but I've never canceled the show.

I've done a show with 104 degree temperature where I was so dehydrated by the end of the show, the paramedics wanted to send me to the hospital to, you know, whatever. But I look at the fighters, in case of those shows, I look at the fighters. And I just like, I don't care what I have, you know, my back's out. I blow the ACL on my knee and I've got to do three shows in a row, starting the very next day, you know, with one leg. And it doesn't matter. These guys and girls, ladies and men are fighting.

They're fighting. So I just think, hey, I can get through this. You can always get through it. What's the old adage, Joey? The show must go on. Yeah. No need to know how we feel. We're just there to do our jobs.

My mom used to have this thing. Like, you couldn't. In my house, when I was growing up, When I got out of Catholic school, my mom and I had a deal. And her deal was, listen, if you're sick, just do me a favor. Go to school. If you puke at school, I'll come get you and take you for food and take you home and take care of you. But you just can't lurk around here.

And that always stayed with me. Like, people would just stay at home. You can't stay home. You got to do something. I mean, listen, you can't go to an office when you work in an office with the fucking flu or you're going to get everybody fucking sick. You know what I'm saying? People don't think about it. they do it and that's why people get sick throughout the office.

But, you know, if you work outside or if you work in a fucking truck and you're by yourself in that truck, you know, you go to work until you can fucking pass. I come from a different whatever than most people. Like I didn't have insurance. I moved to L.A. So, you were fucking years ago. You were 40 years or no, you were like 30. 33, yeah.

I moved. I had no insurance. I used to take my own teeth. I were wrenches and shit with Jack Daniels and the grandma bloke. Can we just talk about that for a second, Joey? Can you fucking believe? Why the frig would you do something like that? Because I hated fucking dentists.

I hated it. Were you higher than a kitty or what? No, I just, I would be, you know, I would be on the road doing comedy, and I'd get a two-take, and after a week I couldn't take in them. I'd go, fuck it. I'd go to Kmart and I'd buy a wrench and a couple airplane bottles, and I'd get a fucking half gram or some shit in Michigan, and I'd rub it on the gum, and then they get affected, and I got an upset.

Oh, you have no fucking idea. For years, I had no insurance. So just tell me one, did you do this more than once? Twice. Twice. Ended it F up each time? Years later. One time it just broke, and the bone was still in there.

And it was just an abscess. So if people came around me that I hated, I could squirt it. It would fill over here, the little side. And I would go, and it would jump on people's shirt and shit. And if you smelled it, it smelled like fucking, Katrina feet or something. So, wait, you're saying you didn't go to the hospital or the dentist after you broke it off in your gum?

You know what people say, if you have an absence, you're going to die? I walked around like for five fucking years. Well, let's, wait, okay, slow down. Okay. To your audience, which a lot of them, I'm sure, are half stone off their minds right now. Let's not preach the fact that the abscess you can walk around with it for five years. I don't think you want to give out that kind of guy. I had Clemelia of like eight years.

I had leakage out of my dick for like eight or nine years. I didn't give a fuck. Did these years when I was young? What are you thinking? You got, what are your choices? You got gonorrhea, got erythritis, which is a urinary infection. Most men think they got the clap when they get it because it's the same thing, but it's just a urinary infection.

You probably had a constant urinary infection. Who the fuck knows? No, I take that back. You probably had every freaking STD. It didn't bother me at all. You know what? Why don't you drink that Hudson River water? You're good for life.

Yeah, you don't even have to have sex after that. You got it all. It's like one stop shot. I tell people, we were down there one time. Me, this kid Mike, Gaske is in this crazy kid Johnny Lopez. When I was a kid, there was his family, the Lopez's, let me tell how crazy the way. The mother was dying of cancer, and she didn't want the pain pills.

She gave them to the boys to sell. And what they basically were, were like fucking tumultz that would kill a meal. They were like SP 54s or something. Like, we were doing quailutes that were the 714 Express. But tumultz were these fucking blowing white pills that your world would end. it would just end. Like, it was just a complete... Like, he would tell you,

don't drink with this, don't do nothing. We were kids. He would sell him for like 30 bucks a piece. That long ago? The mother was dying of cancer. She didn't give a fuck if she died.

She wanted blow. So they sold the pills for Coke. No, no, no, tremendous. We got to do a story on this family. Is that like buying up? Is that like buying up? I don't know. Get some pills, get your blow.

They're still alive. They're still alive. But she used to sell fucking her tumulose. And those things would fucking kill you. I would eat like a half. I'd be on fire. You go to bed, wake up, you're still fucking rocked when you wake up. That's crazy.

I get to say pain pills, I refuse them. There's one big reason. They stop you up, like Mount Olympus. But aside from that, like when I had my, as an exam, when I had my first ACL when I had that operation, the next morning, they're giving me all these pills. And actually, the pain was not that bad. So I stopped the oxy or whatever they gave me the time.

I just threw it away. I said, I hate this. Sometimes. I've seen too many people get hurt on that stuff. Sometimes, I got to be honest with you, sometimes when you have surgery, as a human being, you don't know what to really expect. No, you don't. So the first couple days, you just feel something and you take the pain pill, the amount they tell you. And then, let's say you forget one time.

Not that bad. And it's not that bad. And you're like, why am I taking this? Now, if, like this last surgery I had, I always prepare for a surgery. Once you have a surgery, just tell me how you prepare. Once you have, once you have a surgery, you understand the preparation. You hear people tell you, and you're like, fuck this guy, I'm not going to listen to me. I don't know what he's talking about.

But then when you're in a toilet and you're 10 days in without taking a shit and you're sitting there and you wish your asshole would just rip open and you're crying and you're thinking you have to go to hospital. Ten days? And you got to stick a finger up your asshole and push. You're like a rock. And start eating serious. Yeah, because now you learn. So that's where the preparation goes in. So they come to you, Lisa.

Not just preparation H. No, no, no. That's what preparation. Once that happens to you and you finish that pain medication and you don't fucking take care of yourself, after that fucking prescription wears off, first of all, if you take that full medication of whatever they give you,

I'm going to tell you something as a friend. And you know I'm not lying to you. It's psychological abuse for four days. Once you get off that thing. There is a withdrawal factor. Excuse me, there's a withdrawal factor And you start, I'm not going to say you get suicidal I don't want people to say I said I got suicidal

I'm just telling you that I didn't feel how I usually felt And were you taking them all day? No, I was taking them not knowingly It's until you don't take him and you go, hey, oh, I didn't take this for six hours I feel good. So we're also geared and stimulate. We're also geared for pain. The doctors do their job, they gear us, we think it,

you know, you think, oh, I got to take the pain pills. Then all of a sudden, when you're, it's just a graduating return. You take the pain pills and when maybe you do have the pain, but it's not the same couple days later. You're taking the same dosage for like five. Well, wait a second. This is what I understand. Listen, Mr. Buffer,

from having conversations with other patients, the pain's not going to be that bad. Talomalilom or P.M. Or tell them more extra strength to do. But in case, I gave you a prescription. You know what? Why are you doing that? I never understood that.

Why don't you tell me that there'll be a prescription available to you for 72 hours only at CVS if you need it after the surgery. I like that they give you the pill before it so you have it when you get home, so you have to leave the fucking house when you're in pain or whatever. There's another way to do it. Give them a prescription for if they need it and give them a two-day dose just to take home in case they really do need it. And that gives them the time to call in the prescription.

There you go. I had a situation where I came home when they pulled one of the rear teeth, right? The pain killer had not gotten to my house yet. and I was a kid. I'll never forget this. And I literally was grabbing the side of my bed. You know, the pain was so crazy, you know, for what it was going through. And I had to wait that, that two-hour period until finally they called in the prescription to get it.

It just didn't work. But it had been sent home with one or two and waited and then had the prescription my hand to buy more. Because when those two are gone, they're gone. They're gone. You know? And then you're either that guy or girl that's going to go, hmm, wow, be cool to have them around. Maybe I'll sell them my friends or you're going to have that guy or the girl is going to like, hey, I don't need this scrap, you know, but I got it.

If I need it, I got it. You know, it's all about the individual. I keep it. I had a... And not about the... Sorry, sorry, no problem. Not the individual. It's just, that would be more interesting.

But getting back to my point is, pharmaceutical companies pretty much help. When I say help, I don't know if it's help, but run this country, you know, money. Those doctors are geared to prescribe drugs. What's the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist? Psychiatrists can prescribe drugs.

You can still go talk to somebody sit on the couch and pay them $350 an hour to listen, which is what they do. And you're working out your own problems, hopefully. But one guy can give you the scripts. It comes down to financial, too, at the same time. They're geared for it, never changed. It's their MO. I've never understood the pain pills because I've never done them,

but I had some friends who did. And the way they described it, it just said they made them feel itchy. and anxious and that just didn't sound that depends on the individual and that depends on what they're taking that's not going to be the same for everybody maybe the same for them right that's true the pain pills don't you know the other misnomer too some people think is that they got a gashing wound it's hurting it's like that pain pill's sending all the signals right here so that you know you don't hurt here no it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's affecting the portion of your brain that registers pain i can't talk about it like i'm knowledgeable about it because i'm not i just know in theory what they do and then they're one of the hardest or not the hardest things to get off if you become addicted. Chevy Chase, he was addicted to paying pills for his back, all those pratfalls he took on Saturday night live. He's got issues right now and they're weighing it back to all that.

No, it's, listen, let me tell him on my first surgery. Knock on wood, I never copped to no surgery until I'm about in years ago, 12 years, maybe 10, 12 years. That's when you last said, I was about 40. The first time I ever have surgery. I got this fucking lump coming out of my neck.

Hunchback style? Yeah, like out of this muscle right here. And I'm not saying nothing. You know me, I'm going to die hard. I'm scared of needles. If I'm going to die, fuck it, I'll die like a soldier and shit. And every time I get excited, this lump would come out. Tremendous.

I'd be on stage yelling, you cock sucker, Chino, Excel, fuck you. And when I get off, the lump would be elevated. My neck would be red. Okay. I finally showed my wife. She gets pissed off. She goes, you got to go to fucking doctor. I go to the doctor.

How long was it going on for? Maybe four months. I go to the doctor. It gets get bigger and bigger. Yeah, it's getting bigger and bigger. It's amazing she hasn't killed you by now. So now I go to the doctor. They test it.

It's not cancer, but they got to get it out. Yeah. So the guy talks to me. So you don't me. I'm on this jargo. Listen, Doc, I like the smoke pot. I like to snort blow. You know, what do you know?

And he goes, listen, smoke pot to like two weeks out. But the Coke, give it a break right now. Well, like 60 days out, I'd rather you not do it. You know, like, okay. I say, fuck it. I'm like, an eight ball and do a going away party from Coke. You know what I'm saying, right? You know how you do it.

You always got to have one last bun boy. You want to go out big. Bang it, right? So I fucking get the eight ball or whatever I got. I don't know. I'm like, I may be exaggerating. And I have my last cocaine run and I smoked eight packs of cigarettes. And, oh, yeah, I jerk off 80 times.

The whole fucking thing. And three days later, you know, I would always. go three days. Three days is the most I can stay clean. And I got a week out of the fucking surgery in Bruce Buffer. And I'm still snorting up a storm. A week out of the surgery.

And he wanted 60 days. He wanted 60 days. He wanted 60 days before he went in the hospital. Now. Yeah. So he's like, you know, he don't know nothing. I'm three days out. I go, fuck it, I'll quit three days before the surgery. Here I am, two days before the surgery, snorting up a stone. So finally, I stay off it. The one night, And I stay off at the night before the surgery.

Now, the night, you know, I'm a fucking old school junkie at this time. The night before the surgery, I got everything prepared. I swing over. I give the Coke dealer $100. I tell the weed guy to have everything ready for me at the weed store. I'm having surgery at 6 in the morning. I'll never forget this Bruce Buff. I fucking go home, go to sleep, wake up, go take the fat ball out of my neck.

I wake up in recovery. I see all these Filipinos everywhere. I haven't snored it in three fucking days. You know what I was going through at this moment? I can imagine. All I was holding out for was this fucking fat ball on my neck. That's all, yeah. I asked my wife, what's going on?

She's like, they want you to rest here for like four or five hours. I'm like four or five hours. Fuck you. I listened to me. I got three-fifties, strategic. Four or five-fifties will buy you out of any hospital in America, right? Four-fifths, $50s, $50s, not $20s. They don't work.

100 works anyway 100 works on the blind man but a 50 is good enough I got $350 bills I knew that would get me to the door you know what I'm saying I knew that I would get me to the door I wake up I'm naked I got the fucking robe

with my ass out my wife's looking at me and my wife my wife pull my wife she don't get high but she knows if I'm going through at this time of course she knows everything about you and she's not married to me at the time but we've been together for fucking five for six years. She knows everything about you.

So the next thing, you know, I fucking pull the intravenous out of my arm. You know me, dog. But I see a little black dude with a wheelchair. Come here. I go, I got my clothes next to me. I pull a 50. I put it in his hand. I go, dog, get me out of his. Dog, let's do it.

This motherfucker sits me down. I got the intravenous but I still got another tube in me for some reason. Right. We're ripping out. The nurse, stop it. Stop it. The thing's going off. The doctor's I mean, I got myself out of there. It was one of the most

embarrassing things I ever did. I gave the guy a hundred bucks. My poor wife was pale. Like, she knew something. We get in the car, I tell her you got to stop at the wheat store. She's like, why? Why do you need marijuana? I go for my fucking pain. They already had a bag waiting for me.

And then, I made a stop at a friend's house to get a bookie bought for me. But she didn't know it was the Coke dealer. Right. So I go, hold on that. Here I am with the robe. the thing around my arms. Oh, you're walking in like that? Into the Coke dealer's house

with the fucking bracelet on. I'm an animal. With a thing on my arm, I look at the guy that Robert De Niro shot and taxi in the neck. This is him when he got out of the hospital. They got a bandage on my neck.

This is an embarrassing story, by all. I walk in the Coke dealer's house. I get whatever, half eight ball. I go home. The surgery was just six in the morning. It's 11 o'clock. It's 11 in the morning. I'm still only at the anesthesia.

I'm still hearing people yelling and getting stabbed and screaming. I go back to the apartment. I'm sitting there maybe an hour. And I said, fuck this. I got to do a blast. I did a fucking blast of Coke, and I popped a stitch. I could feel the blood going. I was actually going to ask you that.

Of course you did. That's how disgusting I was. Do you understand me? Like, when I think of those, like people say to you, how do you feel? Let me tell you how bad I feel. Let me tell you a story that's going to make you feel really fucking bad about me. And I'll never forget that my wife comes in. the living, she said, are you bleeding?

And I go, no, I just poke myself with them. My wife was going to fucking kill me. You know, she couldn't tell I was coked up because I only did two bumps. And by that time, I was like 20 minutes in. You sure she couldn't tell? They usually tell. No, no, no, no, because I didn't do it in front of my wife. Right, okay.

I never did it in the daytime. And I only did it when she was in bed. See, it's amazing how you do something that is done with a lot, with little or no discipline, but you're so disciplined about how you do it. Oh my God. I didn't want to. That makes sense? Very seldom would you see me at the comedy store with a blast

because I wouldn't do it until I got off stage. I would think that, I know a lot of comics and a lot of people in showbiz, whatever, you know, blow themselves up before going on stage, but make you perform better or make you perform worse. For me, when I first got into comedy in 1991, St. Patty's Day, 1992, I was working with a comic named Troy Baxley

and I know Troy Baxley. I forgot who the feature actor was. I was the MC and I bought like a half a gram of Coke, a gram of Coke. And thank God, I did like two lines and I went up on stage and I died and I never did it again. But it got to the point where if you did it the night before, you follow me?

Yeah. And went on stage. It's like if you had a big show on a Saturday, but you went on Friday and got blasted Until about three, ate some pussy, did like an A ball. When you got up Monday, when you're announcing the names, you're not really connected. Well, because if I didn't get up until Monday and I started announcing the names, I wouldn't be connected. I would have been fired Saturday from missing the show.

Well, no, no, no. I'm like a nun the night before a bite. No, no, you have to be. That's what I'm saying. And a lot of people don't understand that. A lot of people don't understand that. Everybody remembers Guns and Roses in the beginning when they were doing the American Awards, nodding, and everybody was on heroin. Everybody thought that was cool.

And they don't know that after one year, they look at that shit, and they go, I'm not doing that no more. And they become musicians. You know, they evolved. You know, with comedy was the same thing. Towards the end of my, I would get fucking drunk on stage knowing I had a package waiting for me somewhere. Right. Because I would never drink unless I knew for a fact the package was waiting somewhere.

Right. I didn't like alcohol. I don't like alcohol. Again, discipline. You have great discipline when you put a war. It was no. It's like we calls me, calculators. I did cocaine calculated.

When I went on the road with Rogan, Rogan hates drugs so much, especially cocaine, that I hate cocaine, that I would be so cool. Even if I had it in my pocket, I'd play with Joe until the end of the show and also I'd disappear.

And Joe knew. He wouldn't ask the next day. He would be disappointed, but it was what I would do. I would disappear. I wouldn't make an embarrass and I wouldn't go to the bar and talk to people with my job. all going. No.

I think in the 20 years, I know Joe, Joe saw me one time coked up because he told me he wasn't going out. So I got a blast at the store, and there he was. He showed up because now I changed my mind. I'm like, fuck! Fuck! And he's like, get in the car with me. We went to do comedy somewhere. And in the car, I was out of my fucking mind.

I couldn't even look at him. I couldn't even look at him. Could he tell right away? He knew. He's not stupid. He grew up in a fucking pool. Yeah. You know, so that's, that's, That's fucked out. That's the surgery story. There you go.

Yeah, that's one of those one thing you just didn't want to happen. No way. I thought when I went to that doctor and he goes, yeah, don't get eye for 60 days. I'm like, you know what? I could do that with my eyes closed. Fuck. I was so buried in it at that time. I didn't know.

I had no knowledge. When did you realize that there was a problem you had to deal with? I mean, when did you finally realize that? I had realized that this is 2006. And what was your... This is January of 2006. Let me tell you what really happened. Let me tell you what really...

Yeah, that moment when you knew. Let me tell you, it was like a... You know, all right, I got locked up. Okay. Okay, so I started in 79. I quit when I got locked up. No, I quit in 85. I quit for a year and a half.

And then I did it again, and I got locked up. And an hour after I got locked up, I snorted Coke straight. Like, I came to a conclusion that, you know what, I'm going to do this two, three nights a week. This is just who I am. I'm not going to fight it. I'm not going to feel guilty no more. I'm not going to kick my... I'm not going to do it eight nights a week.

I'm going to become a comedian. But my thing will be, instead of going and shooting pool, instead of going to play poker, instead of having underwear, I stopped buying underwear. Instead of, you know, you just sacrifice certain things, this is what I'll do. I'll do cocaine and I'll smoke marijuana. When you were... I don't want to date nobody. I'm not going to buy nobody dinner for those broads.

I'm not buying your dinner. We're going to meet doing blow. We're going to do a grandma blow and eat your pussy. You don't lick my nutsack. Well, on one aspect, think of all the time you saved. What's that? Think of all the time you saved. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no.

My relationship were all... Dates went from five hours down to a 90-minute period. 90-minute period at night. We woke up. I call you next Monday. There was no Monday. You know what I'm saying? I was already on a Greyhound bus going to the next city.

What were you saying, Liamson? During those 60 days, like when you were supposed to be not doing Coke, each night, like each day would you pretend you weren't going to do it? Not pretend, but think you weren't going to do it, and then at night you'd falter? There was some days that I didn't even think about it until 8 o'clock. Eight o'clock at night I get this anxiety and this pain in my bones. Well, that was the time he started anyway, right? That's the time

That my mind Was start playing tricks with me To go get it And then once I'd get it I'd hold on to it So I did comedy And once I got off stage I was shown Lee the route last night

Because in those days My route was easy I got Nine of ten of my shows Were at the comedy store So I wouldn't pick up cocaine Though I was done at the comedy store Now I lived in Shrader

Let me see I lived on 1440 North Shrader That's by Hollywood and Vine Okay The comedy store is two blocks West of Fairfax So three or four blocks west That really doesn't fucking matter

Right Okay So I had two spots in those days I had a Mexican restaurant Across from the guitar center I've eaten there Right And then I had an isolated guy

Over by Rouse behind there So it was all on the way home I even bought Coke calculated I even bought Coke Economically You know what I'm saying I knew these guys in Silver Lake that had

Coke right from the fucking Colombians off the chip. Yeah. Nobody spoke English the whole thing. But that meant I had to go all the way to Silver Lake and back from Silver Lake with cocaine in your car. I had another dealer that I went to only after two. He was homeless. Tremendous. A dealer who's homeless.

Tremendous. Western and Sunset. Is sure it was good shit? Oh my fucking God. And this is how crafty this motherfucker was. He lived behind the Burger King there on Western. Now they changed. into something. This is 15 years ago. All you had to do was drive on sunset, make the right out of the left and then drive back down and make that right. And all of a sudden you hear like somebody chasing a car and it'd be him. It was hysterical. He chased the car. He'd pull up to the car. He'd get it away. He could get it. And before you said anything, he would have a Coke rock and he put it in your nose to make sure you weren't a cop. Well, let's say you're a cop

And he sticks it in your nose Is that a salt? Who the fuck knows? He's homeless already in. He would put a Coke rock in your nose To make sure you weren't a cop Then he'd take your order You gave me the cash

He gave you a Coke rock No envelope, no bendle, no nothing Just put it in your hand You put in the center compartment And drove back off on sunset like nothing happened You didn't pay for the first Coke rock up the nose, right? That was the freebie Yeah, that was the taste, okay

That was on the house You know you bring back something I remember, it's kind of like a six degrees of separation. I don't have a cocaine story for you, but I got a story, comedy story for you. In Malibu, where I grew up, I moved there when I was 15 from Philadelphia, right? So when I

had, probably I was like 21. And I'd already started my first company and I was living in Malibu. And during the rains after the fires, when there's a big fire, it loosens the soil, the roots have to grow and the soil does stay strong. When the rains came,

the mudslides hit, and then the Hill came down and you couldn't get in or out of Malibu on the Coast Highway. So I still lived. My dad had a business contact that was the head of the Hyatt House at the time next to the comedy store. They used to call it the Riot House because that's where... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rolls-Zaple and the TV's out the windows, all those stories were all that place.

And I lived there for a month. And this was back, I'm talking like 1982, right? 81. And when I'd see all the comics I used to see back there. because I would go almost every friggin' night. I loved getting back from work unless I was chilling. I used to go to the Westwood Comedy Store and watch David Letterman host every night during the week. And it was my Friday date night.

But here to go there and, God, I can't begin to tell you the comics I saw. It was amazing. And it was great just to go from my place to the comedy store, see a great two-hour session, go out somewhere and laugh. And I still say, when you go out on a date with a girl, take her to dinner or whatever, guys, One of the greatest things you can do with a girl because girls just love to laugh. That's when guys have gamer. They don't. Girls love to laugh, right?

Comedy store, comedy shop, and it's really a good one. It's a great, great date. It's a great, great date. Can you imagine, like, if you, instead of going to a bar like cheers, you just went to the comedy store right now, and you were a cool guy. Yeah. And you became friends with the comics. That's what I did. That's what I did.

I didn't say to that, but that's what I did. You bring a fucking date. And you start talking to, like, Chris DeLeal, like, you know him for a little long. Chris is nice to you because we're cordial to you. We'll talk to you for 10, 15 minutes. I mean, I'll talk to you. You're very nice and not fucking retarded. I'll talk to you.

You know who you start. Yeah, we know what the fuck we're talking to. So it's really cool. It's really cool. I know I would impress the shit out of me if I was a female or a woman. It's also the closing ratio it gives you, you know, I would be really impressed if I was a girl and you took me there and you say hello and shit. You know.

Nice dinner. She's laughed all night. And then, you know, I'm telling you, you're going to go home with that. I've seen some. really interesting people hanging out at the comedy store. Like my first five years. It's still as much fun to hang out now as it was 10, 12 years ago, though? Is there a difference?

Do you notice a difference the way comics come and go? I see the young guys that are there. That's what I'm talking about. Having a great time. I'm a fucking relic and a dinosaur. Oh, you know that they all look up to you walking by, Joey. Come on. They're like this.

It's not about that. When I'm there, I feel like I'm really fucking old. Listen, when I was 25, when I went to a club, I already felt old, and I felt it. I felt it. Like, I don't belong fucking here. You know, so when I go to the comedy store now, it's not like I drink. It's not like I do blow. I get there early.

I talk to the bartender. I talk to the waitresses. Lees back there were bullshit. Another comedian were bullshit. Then we go to the parking lot. We bullshit. Then we go home. Yeah.

You know, that's it. I mean, if, but when I was there, my first five or six years, Jesus Christ. It was home. It was home. And as fucked up as it was, it was home. Was Missy Short, Missy Shortman. Yeah, she was there those years. Did you get along with her?

Did you meet her? How did she treat her comics? I hear she was really good to him. Well, listen, man, she liked her people and she didn't like people. It was like anything else. She's a tough girl. And just the rumors that you hear at one point it went to her head. And there were people who weren't happy with it.

But it was the fucking comedy store. was the home of Richard Pryor, was the home of fucking Dice Clay, was the home of Sam Kinnison. Let me tell you something. I saw Andrew Dice Clay when he first came out here to L.A., and he wasn't the Andrew Dice Clay we know, and as big as he got. And it was only a short time later that I'm standing standing in the forum, right, in L.A., sold out, right?

Looking there and sitting in my seat afterwards, just looking out, sold out Andrew Dice Clay. Remember he used to fill like a 10, 12,000 seat arena. It was crazy. You know, and I love his little, I love how he's traveling around now. He's got, he's on the road all the time. I see the TV show. The TV show got picked up.

It did get picked up. Got picked up for another second season. I'm really happy for him. Hey, the man can act. Listen, out of all those fucking comics that got picked last year, nobody's show got picked up. I read for five comedy pilots, and Andrew Dice Clay's got picked up. Really?

That's it. Good for him. Yeah, I'm really happy for him. I'm really happy. You said it earlier. It's hard to get jobs. It's hard. The business is so hard.

It is a, if you're not tough, you shouldn't be even thinking about this business, especially your business. I don't think about the acting side at all anymore. I know there's a job on the horizon somewhere because you're here. You're going to get a call. You're always going to call. You always get a call. But as far as booking one, I went in for a role two weeks ago that the motherfucker wrote for me. And I couldn't fucking, like, not really.

But as I was reading it, I'm like, this is me. This is me for me. I know her. The lady who cast it, she put me in four other pilots. She wouldn't call me in if there wasn't something there. There's something about casting directors when I've gone, you know,

for the ones that I've gone for and stuff, and you walk out and you think, you think you did a great job, especially as like a commercial for an announcer like, you know, like somebody, just an announcer, whatever. You walk in,

you walk out, hey, that's like piece of cake to do the back man. You never know what they're looking for. I think they're extremely unique in what they do. Think about it. sitting there seeing hundreds a day. Well, this is the problem that people think. It's not what they do. It's that she's the voice piece. Right. For the four people that are sitting behind her. So,

let's say we both go in for the part of Gino in the new fucking Sinatra movie, right? He's still kicking, huh? Okay. I'm kidding. You mean the one made about Snatchar? Yeah, they always make a movie about something. I'm trying to make Godi out of fucking, what's his name now? That's never going to go because they can't get fin. Who got it? like a Chavolta. Travolta. This is five years now. They're trying to get financing. They forgot that nobody even knows who John Gotti is.

Not anymore. Not anymore. These millennials, as they call them, they don't know who John Gotti is. There's a part of the role for Gino. The guy is from Brooklyn, okay? You're from Brooklyn, okay? I'm from fucking Jersey, and you can hear it down from Jersey. You know what, man?

We both go in there. We both do a good job. And then they start looking at weird stuff. What are the movies did you do? you know, what relationship you have with the other four fucking people, you know.

I mean, there's so many variables when you get a film. There's so many fucking variables. If this guy gets the role, then we'll give it to Bruce. Oh, yeah. If this guy doesn't get the role,

then it wouldn't look good with Bruce. I mean, there's so many fucking variables. But she's the mouthpiece. Her job is to deliver who did well in the room, which is three or four people. and their job is to figure out who to fucking hire. That's what it is.

It's east meets west. So I never take it personally with a cast in the right. No, you can't. Never since day one. I went through levels like everybody else, the first fucking 15 auditions you go to, you go through craziness to see if you get them or not. Then you learn, then the next 15,

you learn how to be cool, and you have it together. Like you don't show people. You're upset that you didn't know. I got something. But then the next, like, I'm to the point now when I walk out of room, it's over. It's over. The Bruffa calls me and goes, hey, Joey, what's up?

I just walked out of Fox. I went in for a pilot. That's exciting. You know, my dad always said win like you used to it. Lose like it doesn't bother you. You got to walk in there. And you got, if you can't handle rejection in this business, come on. Forget about it.

Okay. Rejection is such a key factor. But you just got to keep punching, man. Well, okay. I got to talk to you because I know it's brilliant. And learning how to get better. your auditions. I know it's burning a hole in your pocket.

What we want to talk about? The other day, I'm watching this. It's Saturday. So Friday night, on Friday night, I get back to my hotel room at fucking, and I don't want to talk about this shit, but just because my uncle fucking Bruce wanted to talk about it, we'll talk about it for a few minutes

because it entangles something, another word that you said. What was the word called? that you said something about doing it again tomorrow, losing with grace. Whitney like you're used to it and losing like it doesn't bother you. Witten like you're used to it,

lose like it doesn't bother you. You know, and I know people don't want to hear what I'm about to tell you, but I'm telling you from a different perspective. I don't know what's going on. I have felony, so I can't vote. So it don't matter to me. I grew up in North Hudson, New Jersey,

where every man either leaves in a wheelbarrow or in a fucking felony. It doesn't really fucking matter. So politics don't affect me, because I know I still got to get up in the morning and show somebody a gun and just to get mine. So it doesn't, for some people, it's conversation.

It's an identity in this country to be able to go to Starbucks and to be knowledgeable to fucking politics and people look at you weird. I don't pay attention to it. So Friday night I get home and he's talking about grabbing people's pussies. Now, Saturday morning I wake up,

I go eat breakfast, I call Lee. I turn the TV on. And what's on the fucking TV? This is how crazy the media is what do you think is on the fucking TV? I have no idea. What killed the USFL?

And I clicked the fucking button. I swear to my mother's grave and it couldn't be written better. So every channel's got, I hate Trump now. Oh, and I put on fucking the ESPN 30 for 30 and there's the first line out of the guy's mouth is like, Trump's ego ruined the USFL.

And like they went from 30 people talking about Trump. Now, for an hour, turned it off. I had to leave. I went and smoked the joint. But I thought about something. I remember being with Ari at a U.S. at a UFSI event and seeing Herschel Walker walking in. And I go, Ari, Ari, Ari goes, that's Herschel Walker. I go, Ari, watch what happens when he sees me. And as soon as Herschel Walker looked around, he went, oh, shit, he gave me a hug. And I go, Harry goes, how do you know him? I go, I know him. I know him from his USFL days. from 1985 at the Sheridan.

In Lynnhurst, they used to have a happy hour and all the brothers are going to eat ribs and shit and all the bitches and shit. This is when everybody found out, O.J. was fucking a white bitch. It's all right. The fuck a white bitch, you know. So my friend, a house burnt down and the insurance company put her at that hotel.

So she used to call me, and go, you got to get over here. You have no idea who's downstairs. The Giants, the Knicks, Lawrence Taylor. It was a fucking party, but the USFL. Right. And I remember Trump and the whole fucking deal.

But it's so weird how even the media spun it with... Who owns ESPN, Disney? Mm-hmm. And Disney's against Trump? Obviously. Yeah, most likely. Obviously. But listen, that's not what I got out of it.

You want me to tell what I got out of it? This motherfucker's been swinging since 1985. Trump? Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's been playing deep. He's been swinging. I mean, you know, so people say, well, he lost it with

the casino. He's a failure for this. Here's a guy that never stopped trying. You know, listen, we're not going to get into it, but I'm just saying... You're not going to get started it. You can let me say something. But it's so weird how he was always swinging for the fences.

If he didn't work at football, fuck it. He bought a horse. When that didn't work, fuck it. But at the other side, for years, I was swinging at fences, too. But it was other people that were paying for my mistakes. Well, that's You know, that's like being in business.

We call it an OPM or other people's money. They want to pay for your mistakes. That's what I was doing for years off. OPMer. And actually, I'll be the first one. Like when I, in all the businesses I've been involved in and everything else, there's a saying by a guy, I think Jay Paul Getty said this. I'd rather have 1% of 100 people's efforts than 100% of my own.

I'll make more money. I'll cover more territory. That's the whole point of building a business. So people get caught up about their, you can see it on Shark Tank all the time, about percentages of companies. It doesn't matter how much percentage you have in your life. It's a matter what you do with the percentage that you have. You're either a doer or you're not.

And 98% of the people walking are all, everybody dreams. Everybody dreams about everything. We all do. I'm a big dreamer myself. I'm sure you are. So, especially given the night. So as far as that's concerned, 2% of the people put it to work. There's out of the 100 people out there that want to be a comic and do everything

that made it live within about 200 miles where you grew up, right? You're the 2% or you made it out. You made it happen. So it's a matter just, if everybody was a two percent, percenter, then it would be kind of screwed up because you ever hear those the same phrase as a pyramid, you know, like this is a pyramid, a pyramid scheme, it's a pyramid, pyramid, everything in life is a pyramid. Whether you're a parent, building a family, whether the president running the states, or either president of your company or in your case,

whether you're the one man army that you are, you know? And everybody underneath you is as important as the guy on top. You know, all those people shipping boxes and those companies on the bottom, ladies and guys, you know, taking the phones and everything. They're just as important that top because without them everything crumbles so you got to have that 98% whether you're part of the two or the 98 it fits it's just the way life is you know some people call it top one i call it top two for me the the thing about this election is like i'm i come from a very liberal place where it's everyone's democratic almost where's that where's that boston and the trump the thing about trump is if he just hadn't said

some of that crazy stuff about Mexicans and just if he had just come out and acted like a little bit normal. No, you're asking. You're asking. He wouldn't on a landslide. Yeah, but we'll see, the thing is no, I disagree. Because the reason he comes out and talks like that is the reason he is where he is that he can't come out and talk like that. If he stops being Donald Trump, then that's not who he would. It wouldn't work.

It's a reverse. It won't work. His ego would never allow him to do that. You know, he's a fireball, you know. And, yeah, we saw this stuff last week. I mean, listen, locker room. talk is locker room talk and then there's certain extremes whatever and I don't condone you know I love women don't get me wrong and I but you know me joey do I ever talk disrespectful about anybody and I know how to

talk funny right so there's a way you talk and there's way not well we said what's wrong and if you can say well that was 11 years ago like I think billy bush the guy was talking to said that was like 10 11 years ago I become more mature give me a break you're 28 year old man now you're 38 year old man you'd tell me that that at 28 you didn't have enough you know savvy in the business you're in so now he's suffering. This suspended him. I don't even know that I'll bring him back because they're going to have to send a message in that case with what happened. But Trump is, he's a powerful man and his business-wise, you mentioned that that. There's Trump University, you know, that came up and there's been like 3,500 lawsuits filed against it. The Trump casinos, they closed their doors this week. They're done.

It's over. It's over. It's totally closed. Real estate, he's done quite well. But all I know is, one of over Trump, don't vote for Trump. One of over Hillary. Don't vote for Hillary. If Trump gets an office, I'll tell you one thing that within 16 months, I'll give it two years. Give me a little leeway here. There's going to be a gold name of Trump somewhere put on the White House, and I think we need to like draw it and square it up and bet $5 in each square to see where it's going to wind up, because it's going to wind up if he's president. And I'll know that that's going to be the best thing that happens. So let me ask you something. It's a scary election, Joey. No, it's very scary. You were talking about the two-on-one-one. Like, for me, it's like, for me, it's

like I write the jokes, I perform, I do a podcast, I prepare the podcast, Lee puts them up, he does all the technical side, my wife sends the packages, you know, my agent books the fucking gigs, my theatrical world is done with, you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't even worry about that shit. Because when it comes, it'll come. Yeah, when it comes with that, it comes. Right now I'm worried about this.

So I still don't get your theory. Am I on top? Am I in the middle? Absolutely, you're on top. I was saying that, see, we're all, I believe that we're all born and created equal, barring the ability, of course, you know, race is an issue in cases. But what I'm talking about, we're all born and created equal in respect to the fact, unless we can throw higher, jump higher, punch harder in sports. I mean, what really separate? We got lung, we got brain, we've got to put it to work.

Out of all the people in a group of 100 people within a 50-mile radius, let's call it a 500-mile radius, 5,000-mile radius of people that want to want to. to become what you wanted to become, which was a stand-up comic, to do what it takes to get there. A lot of people dream and think, and they try. But, you know, it just takes so much more. You made it to the 2%. You know, you just kept punching and punching and punching. And you know how to do every aspect of your business from what you're telling me. So you can't train anybody else to do it unless you know how to do it yourself.

And this kind of business, including mine, managing my brother's, you know, career and everything else. I don't want a big office. I had offices that had, you know, 150 employees, 40,000 square feet. The bottom line is you can get it all done yourself, just putting it into order in our single one-man businesses. Branding. You're branding yourself constantly.

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm just surviving. Then if you don't know what you're doing or you're doing it. I don't know what I'm just surviving. That's all I'm trying to do. You know, it's so weird. I agree with that. I do agree with what you just said.

Yeah. Every day is, I'm just looking to survive today. Oh, my God. That's it. I don't understand what these people with eight-year plans. You know what today? It's okay. I want to get a pizza.

I want to get a pizza day. I want to get a bag of refram. I'm going to give my wife a stabbing. I want to hug the kid. I want to make a fucking smoothie with the dark cherries in it, the little raspberries and shit. It's nice and sweet with almond milk. You know your life, Joey.

You know what you like. Yeah, I mean, it's pretty interesting what you're saying because I sit here sometimes and I go, how the fuck is a guy like me who was bleeding from his neck after he was doing blow, still in Los Angeles, and still swinging? I haven't made nothing. I'm amazing.

by the fact I'm still swinging comically like I'm gonna tape a special on Saturday. This is the first time anybody's even considered me for a special and I've been doing this for 25 years, but you want me to tell you something? Guess what? I'm ready. I know you're right. Like that's the crazy thing. I wasn't ready 10 years ago to do what I'm about to do two days from now. No, it's a life in life is it's an evolutionary process and it's a constant process of daily maturation. in everybody's life and career and respect to what you're doing. Do you think for one second that 10 years from now, you're not going to know more than you know today? You know? Yeah, that's the beauty of life, knowledge, you know, and how to do it right.

How to go from point A to point B in a straight line instead of like a lot of hippie-dippy people do out here in L.A., and they've got to have the meeting and go over here and go over here. Just give me the friggin' answer, you know? Let's just get this done. Time's precious. Time is fucking precious, man. That's what they call the opportunity cost of time

You know you sit here and you go 53 I remember being 33 You know I'll give a finger to be 33 With what I know now You'd give a finger to be 33 physically With a brain that's physically It'd be all the knowledge you have to Well you just said the same thing

Right right yeah absolutely absolutely Yeah you could do this again With what you know now at 33 It wouldn't have stopped me At the age of 40 I would have been running Maine You might scare I'm gonna take it over fucking Maine with three fucking Puerto Ricans in a knife.

Might scare me at 33 to have a brain that knows as much as I know now at 59. It's not even the brain. It's the confidence and there's a word. Don't you believe the confidence is safe? Show me somebody that wasn't confident when they're 20. Unless, you know, they really are on their craft.

They're probably just not going to be that kind of person. It'll ever be totally confident. You know, show me a bore at 20. I'll show you a bore at 60. But it's not the word. The word isn't confident. When Denzel Washington, you ever say that moment with Denzel and Angelina Jolie

where he's in a bed and she's like a fucking crime investigator and he tells her what to look for? Absolutely. When they're looking for the gentleman, he says something. He goes, he's older because he's cautious. He's more precise.

You know, when you get older, you get more bang for the bucks. I know for a fact I got three moves. If you come up to me and say, give me your money, Joey, I got a leg to the kick I got a plunge to the throat Another leg to the kick

One of those things has to take you down If none of them do I'm doomed I'm out of breath I'm huffing and puffing. Help Mr. Wizard And my anxiety takes over But you know this going in You know

I don't know what my point is I'm smoking so much refut I was trying to figure out of your point there But I was just I was building into something No you only When you get older You have this confidence

But you also have this control You know It's called experience Joey It's experience Joey It's experience. It's experience. You're absolutely right. I'll sit.

Lee, how old are you? 28. 28. Okay. I'm 59. You know the difference between us? What? 31 years of experience.

Right? Absolutely. Joey, your how old? 53. I'm 59. You know what's different between us? What? Six more years of experience.

You know what the difference between most people in us? You've got fucking more experience than I have. 53. I'm kidding. All the experiences you've been through. You've lived an incredible life, Joey. But it's similar. It's weird because I have Lee.

Lee went to Emerson College. Lee likes fucking goofy movies and oranges the new black. Oh, you said it right. Stuff like that. You know. Give me an idea of a goofy movie. Give me one of your favorite movies.

It's not my favorite movies that he hates. He just hates when I watched new movies. Like if my girlfriend took me to the, it was awful. The Amy Poehler, whatever her name is from 30 Rock, Tina Fey movie. Oh, sisters or whatever?

That movie a couple years ago, and he just, he just, when he calls me and I'm at the movies, he just sighs. Did you watch Rifky yet? What's Rifky? Did you want Richie the one thing I sent you? Yeah. Wait, wait. We beat some up and shit. Put on YouTube for a second.

I want to show my man, if he remembers this. Put on Midnight Express, Rifky. I don't think you see. Did you email it to me? No, I emailed it to the gods. Just please, Midnight Express, Rifky. Watch it the questions. Talking about a frightening movie.

Jesus Christ. I sent Lee three clips last night. Yesterday at the comedy store before and went up, I spoke to these, him. Another friend of mine, Joe Mosh, and a friend of mine from CAA, Ryan. And we're talking about movies. And we're talking about the original mechanic,

how the first 20 minutes of the movie, there's no dialogue. Jam Michael Vincent, baby. It's him, yeah. We're talking about Jam Michael Vincent. And mine and Charlie. All right, fighting Rifky. Charles Bronson and Jam Michael Vincent.

That's the first one, yeah, right? There, that one. This is a movie that came out that is so fucking frighteningly. It's so fucking frightening. This guy was so... Oh, my God. Hit it.

I didn't sell him anything. I didn't have... I didn't have... I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Oh. Oh, she should not only yore.

I should not do. He said, cabotani. There. Look at Rifky's lying! No, he's lying! Rifki's lying! Look at Rifky sold him out, Lee. Riffke! It's a tremendous fucking scene.

Middnard Express, I think, 1978. This country don't even remember this movie anymore. They're both in the jail. Rifke's the fucking pimp. He's a fucking jailhouse rat. This poor fucking Americans got like 30 years. He's got no...

Look at it. He's having a nervous breakdown, Lee. He had some Moroccan jail, right? He had some Moroccan jail. He tried to get the hash out of Morocco. Guys, if you've never seen this fucking movie, it's an education. That's a true story. You have a true story? True story.

Put the music in a lot. That's the music he has 7-Eleven and Chandler. It is. Put it out, Lee. Listen. He's having a nervous break down. Where'd they keep the other guy? Wow, wow, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Watch Lee. Tremendous. Tremendous. Tremendously. He's the jailhouse rat. Bam! Look at him, Lee. He spits his tongue out.

This is when a miracle is America, motherfucker. Now this is a fucking movie right here, baby boy. This is what you gotta start watching every morning. This poor guy died of age in real life. God bless his soul. Tremendous American fucking film right here. Did he get it shooting this? No, he just got it later.

It's a tremendous movie, guys. If you ever watch this, I had to drop knowledge on these fucking... Look at them. Oh, thank God too. Fuck of this shit. You know, we're talking movies and like you, you talk about the mechanic, the first mechanic. You know they're remaking it again.

They did it twice. Yeah, I hear it's being made again. They got another one coming out. I don't care. Charles Bronson is stabbing himself in the fucking neck. Wasn't he amazing, though? Wasn't he perfect for that role? And Jan Michael Vincent, he married one of my best friends from high school.

I told Lee and these guys about who Jam Michael Vincent set the fucking bar. He was the Brad Pitt of his generation. I was just going to say, there would have been no Brad Pitt, there would have been no the kid from Sons of Anarchy. That whole realm started with Jan Michael fucking Vincent. I just watched Big Wednesday coming back on the plane.

Come on. Yeah, well, John Millis, he used to go to my mother's house for Sunday brunch. And then they filmed that in Malibu, you know, down there. And I'd know Jan for quite a while. And Jan tragically is, you know, he's not doing well, right? He had his leg amputated.

He was serious alcoholic, had problems with drugs, got arrested for, actually my friend from high school, he married got arrested for domestic abuse. A couple of things like that. Chad McQueen's son, after Steve McQueen's son, after Steve died, had his own, you know, little film career and started producing films. And when Jan Michael was at the point past Airwolf, where he just wasn't the same guy, that look, he was, remember how beautiful, let's be honest. We're talking like people go Bradpiss beautiful, Jan Michael Vincent. I told the it man.

He was the it factor. There was a part where he had the long hair. He did a movie before the world's greatest athlete. He did one before that, like him and a girl in the lagoon. Wasn't that him? No, you're thinking Ricky Schroeder. What movie was he in? Let me get it.

IMDB. IMDB fucking, what's his name again? Jan Michael Vincent. But what happened is that when his career started subsiding, Chad gave him a movie in a role in one of his films. You know, talking like a B movie. You see on Cinemax late at night. But anyway, right before it started, he had an accident.

His face went right through the window. So he did the whole movie with the stitches all over his face. Remember, you know, again, how handsome he was. But now I just saw a thing, and because of the drugs and the alcohol and everything, his health got really bad. He was the epitome, epitome of health, right? And now they've had to amputate his leg. And it's just, it's amazing how the fall from grace can change. And Air Wolf was one of the biggest hit TV shows on TV for a long time.

What decade, Joey, do you think it was? What? What were you looking for? That would be back in, like, 1960. Yeah, like the late 60s. He did the world's greatest athlete. So it was right before that and the mechanic. It was before 73.

Okay. So what did he do? Sorry, I was on Wikipedia. I should go to IMDB. Yeah, IMDB. Yeah, IMDB. That's easy way. I used to party at the Trancis restaurant with him,

David Carradine, then came Bronson Michael Parks Remember Michael Parks? He said they killed Bill movies Gary Busey who was my neighbor Gary Busey was my neighbor who lived next door to me in Trankus Canyon for eight years

right crazy group of people down there you want to talk about wild nights of crazy nights that was called the Trankis Trankis Restaurant at Trancas Canyon Road it was the only place to go to if you lived in Malibus

everybody went there on Friday and Saturday nights it was just a lot of fun a lot of great memories that place Those guys were in fucking imagine. I heard a bunch of stories. What movies was he in?

Okay, so in 69, he was in The Undefeated. And then he was only in, he was in a bunch of TV movies in 69. Well, the tribe were you... The tribe and the Survivors was a series. That's it. Go ahead. Go higher. Go higher.

The world's greatest athlete. Okay, that was 73. Okay. The mechanic. I said up to the mechanic. The mechanic was a while back. Where was the mechanic? Oh, there is a.

Okay, so the mechanic's up. Yeah, so the mechanic was first. Okay. And then it was the world's greatest athlete. Oh, right. And then it was Bite the Bullet. Yeah, that was a good movie. Oh, no, no, I'm sorry.

Then it was Buster and Billy, and then Bite the Bullet. Bite the Bullitt. That was a good movie. He did a lot of TV. White Line fever, baby. White Line fever. Do you remember that one? Holy shit.

Where they shot everything up? Yeah. I think Chris Christofferson was in that, too. White Line fucking fever. But, yep. Checking the town, town. That was one of the good shoot-in-all movies. That's crazy shit.

One of the movies. Oh, one of the movies. Okay. Then either they're at war. Then somewhere around. Baby Blumen. Jesus Christ, that's right. Shadow of the Hawk.

Vigilanting force, I remember that. And then Big Wednesday was when? 78. 78, right, exactly. Hopper. Hooper. No, Hooper. Oh, Cooper with Bert Reynolds.

Remember? That was a good movie. That was a good. Yeah. Yeah. Barbara Reynolds, I hear he's not doing too good right now. Health-wise. He's fucking 80 years old.

Yeah. These guys, I mean, God bless him. We're going to be there? Yeah, we're going to be that. 80 years old, you know, they smoke. I hope we're there. Yeah. Yeah, but back in those days, it was the three martini lunch.

I mean, people didn't work out as a rule. You saw pictures of Clint Eastwood, which were PR photos doing a dumbbell curl. That was like it wasn't like it is today. You know, not at all. It was hard living. That was an old breed style back then. Well, I go farther back. My dad's age, you know, serving in World War II.

That's just old breed. They don't make money like that. Well, you go back to that Sinatra age when they were shooting that movie in Las Vegas. And they would shoot in the daytime and go out and drink at night. Big time. You know, they were in their 40s. I couldn't do that shit in my fucking 40s. No, but they used, I mean, literally they do what, two shows a night.

I read about this. two shows a night. They'd party with the women and everything till, you know, six, eight in the morning, sleep till five. You know, party till noon, sleep till whatever, take a shower, go down to the shows again, start the whole process. No, no, I'm telling, they were, at one point, they were doing a movie in Vegas and doing the shows at night. Oh, the Ocean's 11. They were for like eight weeks or something. Ocean's 11.

That's probably when they made Ocean's 11. That's fucking brutal. Yeah, to do shows. Well, you know what it's like, you know. No shit. Yeah. No shit. First of all you're sitting on a set all day.

You're not really doing anything. Most of the time. Or they keep you rehearsing like crazy. But to do two shows after that, what time do you have for yourself? You had no time at all. Well, I used to work in Miami in the late 90s. You had to go out after every night, didn't you?

Oh, Jesus Christ. Come on. It was horrific. Was it horrific? It was a horrific? You figure this. When I was in New York, I left New York in 1985, which made me 22 years old.

I got to tell you, there was maybe 20, nights and all those nights that I stayed out till six. There was a couple nights we snorted until 11 the morning or one in the afternoon during a football game or something. But that was basically it, right? Then I never really stayed out all the fucking time. Like I couldn't imagine doing all nighters now until fucking 11 or two or three in the afternoon.

I think I've paid my dues in that area. I mean, I have certain great nights of, fun but it could involve a lot of you know you involve somebody i'm with and having a great time at Vegas or something but here in l.A. or whatever nights don't go that late i can't even think about it Vegas is another story creates a whole new attitude but even then people think i go out and party all the time after these big shows and granted do i sure i have my moments absolutely more than i can remember but there's the moments i'm sure you go through it too joie i just want to go back to my room i want to get some room service right want to watch pay-per-view movie and thank god for online poker

I mean, sometimes I just want to just get away because I'm going somewhere else in two days. You know, it's work. But partying all night like that, I couldn't do that. When I used to go to Miami in 98, it was worse than when I lived in New York up to 85. Yeah, but you're talking Miami. I mean, Miami's nuts as it as now.

That was crazy back then. 98, I would do the two shows. Remember, I was the feature act. I was not the headliner. I would go down there and they would go, you're going to feature? Fuck you. Two weeks, fuck you.

How long were your sets? 25 minutes. 20 minutes. And I had a system. I would go down to the club. I'd get my advance for the night. Or sometimes I wouldn't see the manager. But I'd go in there and I'd get a brown bag

and I'd take like six brown little fucking Budweiser back to my room. And then I'd take a shot. And then come down, actually do the show, or the shows. And then in between shows, I go to the frozen drink place. Jamba juice? No, fucking Jamba juice. Jamba juice. A little Jamba juice.

They have like these frozen drink places with alcohol in them. Yeah. Wet willies. Wet willies. They had one drink that was 140 proof. You know how fucked up you get on one of those? Do you know what that means, by the way? What?

When something is 100 proof or 140, what is it? Do you know what the percent alcohol? Divide it by two. That means he's drinking 70% alcohol. When you hear, when you're like 6%. Yeah, anyway, you're drinking 70% alcohol. 140s thing. It's called call the cab.

That's what the drink is called. It's called call the cab. There's new one that can out. What is it? Calling Uber. Oh yeah. This is 100. They would only give you maybe three.

It was grain alcohol. Maybe three of them? You can only drink two of them. But it was pure grain alcohol. That's why you got fucked up. But to make a long story short, I would go down there six times a year for two weeks. And if the headline in the following week was bringing his own feature,

they'd stay in a hotel, I'd stay a week and stay in the condo. And let me tell you something. At that age in 99, I would fucking go out all seven nights. Of course. Till six, seven in the morning, snort and blow, jerking off,

bringing a girl home from News Cafe. Was it like in that order, though? Joey, I'm trying to think about it. Who does? The order was a little off. You don't want to jerk off before you bring the girl home, Joey. It's a horrible, horrible existence. There was some pleasure. there I heard some pleasure. Let me give some shout

out to you. We'll get you out of here. It's getting laid here. Fucking cops are coming. Sorry about that. Went down the wrong pipe. I want to give my main man, Bobby Sharon, a shot. I start a new podcast called CobraCast. How about a shout out to my main,

Ray Majuski, Brian O'Shea, Eddie Brancaccio, Ali Raza, Javid, Doyle Chandler, Ryan Jacobs, and Andrew the motherfucker Miller, he built this little devil and see right here. That's really cool. I want to give you some shout-offs.

Let me ask you something. I just found this out. You told me not to talk about it, but I want to talk about it because I think it's cool. And now that I know about it, I won't do it today because there's something jammed with my PayPal.

Not probably. I was even telling Lee last night on the way down. I'm trying to give you some money. I got some YouTube money for you, but something happened. You go online. And whenever I go online, it's like I'm a fucking answer.

asshole. Every plane ticket is $1,000 for me. So I call Lydia. They go, let me do me a favor. Go online. Tell me how much his plane ticket? He's like, $198. I'm like, what am I a fucking asshole? He goes, they know you're watching, so you have to change your cookies. So when I clean my cookies, I don't know nothing about my cookies. I told my wife, I just like the way you describe it.

So I told my wife, Lee said you got to do the cookie thing. So when she did the cookie thing, I went there the other day. I got this money in PayPal. I go, let me pay the lease of money. I can't send a dollar out. A dollar out. The family of friends, like they blocked me or something. But I don't know who the fuck was telling me this. Eddie Bravo.

You did EBI. Yeah, I've done two of them, a lot of fun. Okay, now, I guess it was one of those guys was telling me, if we go on your webpage, what's your webpage? Oh, Brucebuffer.com. You're going to be mad at me? No, it's okay. It's all right, sorry.

All right. They said if you go on your webpage, there's a page that I click on to, and I tell you, my name is Joey Big Dick Diaz, and I hear it from fucking Cuba, Avana Cuba. You click on this page. You know what? Without trying to sound like it's selling anything. No,

I just want to... I think it is the fucking coolest thing because if you have a birthday party... A wedding. A wedding. It doesn't fucking matter, Bruce. It's not... I love the product. I love it.

All right. Well, here's what happened. Is that I get a lot... I get requests like, you won't believe for voiceovers and, you know, like, announcements, right? So I do a lot of weddings, like, they're on video on YouTube or I make audio recordings for them. And I, it's really cool because they, right back, you know, I get tears in my eyes.

Oh, you're part of my special day. Yeah, that's a big deal for me, right? So I can command a certain amount of money for what I do like you do. And this, I make these really inexpensive. So I thought to myself, instead of these fans that are willing to pay hundreds of dollars for me to introduce them like I would, you know, in the Octagon as a champion, then why not just make something special because of the greatest fans in the world? So for like, it's a $99 bill, right?

$99. And you go to the site, go to Bruce Buffer.com. Go to Bruce Buffer.com, please, Lee. And you click on. it takes you to page and basically you fill out a form and like Lee give me your full name Lee Syattie. Lee S-Y-A-T-T- What's your skill fighting skill? What would you call yourself?

The Jew foot. Yeah, the J-Ju-Foot. Yeah, the J-Jitsu. Once he plays up the Jew-Foot, it's over. How about the J-Jitsu fighter? No, he's a Jew-Jitsu fighter. Yes. I like it.

You like that? Okay. How tall are you? Don't lie. Tell me the truth. Okay, I was going to say if you're going to announce me, we could see it. Well, actually, if you're filling out of form, how tall you want to be? What do you want to be?

If you're going to announce me, I would say like six foot three, that's what I always wanted to be. Is that what you're going to be? How much do you weigh six foot three? How much you weigh? Well, maybe. Oh, yeah, sure. I have no idea what I'm supposed to weigh. All right.

You're six three. Let's give you something, you know, like 240 pounds. Yeah, okay. Okay. What are you fighting out of? What's your city? Boston. Any championships in your life?

Three-time hummus champion. and I can I rig it so it plays when I open the door to the office? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'll send you to the file. You can do whatever you want. Yes. Three-time hummus champion. Okay.

Nicknamed? The flying Jew. Okay, so it takes a second to fill out the form. You fill out the form. You hit a button and you pay through PayPal. Right. Saw it, right? Yes, sir.

Okay. You pay through PayPal, comes through. I get the script. I get back in town. You know, I can win 100 of these a day if I had to, whatever. So you pay the, you do your thing. I get the order for him. So I'll get my studio and I'll do it like this.

And now, introducing the man fighting out of the blue corner. He is a jiu-jitsu fighter, standing six feet three inches tall, weighing in at 240 pounds, fighting out of Boston, Massachusetts, presenting, making his debut the three-time humus world champion Lee the flying Jew son Thank you

Thank you That's an honor Now if you want to put on the tuxedo I do videos too And I put on the tuxedo And you get it That's what I do for the weddings a lot Yeah

You know Every time I watch these podcasts The other dad was watching Rogan's podcast What's his name was on that boss root Oh boy I love boss All the things, you know, you figure boss is going to talk about choking people all the time he took somebody's eyeball out or something. He's talking about breathing.

And I'm listening to this, and he's talking about how you invented this thing because when you're trying to breathe in, it's the muscles that don't let you breathe out correctly in the other machine. It's like a weight machine for your lungs, you know? Right, right. And it's like so interesting. I ordered it, and it's great. I fucking, I didn't know how to do it.

I called up a friend of mine who knows him. he told her he sent me a fucking video how to do it you know we live in such a weird world that you can get it you know like i told him i didn't get the instructions is the thing i got i don't can't just let him tell me just tell me where to go and get the instructions she called me back i said no he wants to talk to you you know and now when i heard this from medic because i saw you down and i'm like i wonder what the fuck buff charred zetti i mean eddie's got to be washing his dishes, maybe teaching Jiu-Jitsu to the poker people on Monday nights.

And it was like, no, it's cool as hell. And then he said about this. And I'm like, this is the greatest thing I've ever heard. Yeah, it's, it's... And they get it sent to their house on email. MP3. No, it's right on email. You pull the file, you do whatever you want with it.

Yeah, we have that for... See, the reason is Kristen, who runs my company, she's getting inundated with all these requests, right? So it's a lot... So I figure, let me make this simple. So you get a form, bada bada badee, boom. I get the form. I can sit down, do 20 of them.

You know, do one of them, whatever. And the big thing is, Joey, I get a kick out of it because I know that people's reaction when they get it. It cracks me up. And it's a very cool thing to do. It's really weird. What's happened? What the internet has added to people like yours and mine lives. If I had, if I had the internet when I started managing my legendary brother Michael Buffer's career back some 25, 26 years ago, what we did.

did in that 25-year space of time with the when a branding list of ready rumble trademarking in building his business in sports and entertainment i stand up the night and and send out 200 300 faxes one by one promoting getting the message out this happened that happened now it's just pressing a button i would have killed it i would have covered so much ground you know if we had that kind of technology available to us it's really great stuff i got to ask you something you mentioned boss Routon. If you were to ask me in a street fight, out of all the warriors I've met,

right, over the last 20 years for me as in February in the Octagon. And even my career in boxing was like, you know, seven years before that, five years before that, many of all those great fighters too. Who would I want to back me up in a street fighter? Who would want to get in? You know what I tell you? Two guys. Chuck Daudel

because I've seen him at work. And Boss Ruden. I don't want to hear about him, but it just put me Chuck Ladell on one side, even at their age right now. and Boss Rutan over here, it's like that's all you need. I've never really seen Boss Routon fight. Oh my two. My two. Huh?

My two? My two. If I was in Dark Alley, Chuck Liddell. And Carlos Condor. Carlos Condit? There's something about Carlos Conduit that's always scared me. Well, he's got to kill. And there's two fights that I can back what I'm saying.

What the kid from GSP's camp, when he fucking put the lump in his head with a fucking elbow. Oh, Roy McDonnell? Yeah, when he said to him, you're behind, go out there, and he fucking zeroed it on. And the fight with, uh, Lawler, was it Lawler, Robbie, Robbie? Yeah, that was Ray McDonnell with Laura, but you know. No, no, no, no. Who did he just, who did he just go? He just had a battle, Carlos Conduit.

With Law, uh, no. Before he lost to this guy now, he had a battle with something. Yeah, I know. He had a five round battle. I think it was Robbie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I'm saying is, I see how it hurts for me and remember anymore. Yeah, it was like, uh, I could see.

I'd hate to bump into Carlos, the natural born killer. Well, he's, you know, he's, there's a lot of, yeah, there's a lot like that, but you also have to think, as I'm sure he does, because I can see the sense. I can read, I can read, we're street, you know, we can read people, okay? So I say I'm pretty right on most of the time, but it's not just who fought in the ocknow. We're talking about a street fight, you know, when it breaks down, it gets ugly, and, you know, things, bad things can happen, as I know you've seen. Chuck's got that instinct

boss and has proven it over and over fighting for sport under rules is one thing laying it down over here in an atmosphere I'm not just talking a quick you know school yard fight I'm talking like some serious street fighters

that's a whole other world man this instinct you have to have and I watched Chuck Laudan that London fight you know the one with Tito and Lee Murray and all and I was you know making sure covering his back and all man

he was walking through people like they were butter It was like, remember the time machine with Rod Taylor and the Ewarks attacked? Like, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. He's like, bam, one, bam, bottom fist on this one, pop on this one. They were all coming at him. He's just dropping them like a tractor going through trees. It was an amazing piece of work to watch.

You know, it's really amazing when you see someone on the street who God made to be on the street. When I was a kid, young, young, young, young, young. I used to, I grew up on 88th Street, but my godmah lived on 148th Street. And there was this one, there was a couple families that had six or four kids. And there was this one family. I can't, if you put a fucking gun to my head,

I can't remember his name now. They were Italian or white or whatever the fuck. They were mutts, you know, but nice people. Right. But they had one brother who, when he fought, you know, he took a fucking ear or a finger. Mm-hmm. He stuck his fingers in his.

There's always one of those guys. He went to maim, you know, and I guarantee. I mean, at the time I remember saying it to myself when I was eight, that guy's never going to get out of jail. Because by the time I was eight already, he was in and out of, by the time I was seven, I had started going to my godmother's when I was five. And by the time, like I saw him do something once like an animal with a stick that I had never saw anybody do.

And I go, you know what? I said, right now, I'm never even. going to get close to this guy. Yeah, well, you've got to, there comes a point in life. You got to separate yourself. You could just, you could tell who the fuck is going to be John Hinkley, or you could tell those people who's going to be, and then there was a Halloween incident that was up there, and he just took an egg and what he did, he did it to his own brother.

He had like four brothers. What do you mean, to hit him with an egg? He hit him at the egg, but he tried to hit him with the egg in his eye, like crushed the eye. Oh, like crushed it right in his eye. And the other brothers had to get off him and stuff, and it was just terrible. You got to think about something. Do you know how easy is to break an egg?

But when you're pressing that egg up against the eye like that, that egg doesn't break. Right, right. He was trying to do something. He was fucking back to his brother. The other brothers jumped in. I'm like, what the fuck? You know, in the 70s,

they didn't have a name for that yet. You were just fucking around or something. But then there was a block party, and something happened. He hit somebody, and that was the beginning. It was juvie. And I don't have to make a mental note going,

that guy's never going to fucking get out. He just had that look. to him where you're just going to get worse well in the last five years i've been around them every three months he does something i tell people all the time the best self-defense in life is observation knowing what's going to happen before it happens pay attention don't be a hero you know there's just so many ways i don't i like you joy i just seen maybe unlike you but in my experience i've seen a lot of bad things happen and they happen so damn quick they happen fucking quick so quick yeah you know uh i don't even like when people talk to me

me anymore like a one of the street. Like you have to pay so much. Like I just came back from New York and I gotta tell you something. I love going home to New York but this last time it fucking horrified. Why? Because the last three times

I've been to New York I've seen things that are uncharacteristic of any other city I go to. You and I both know we travel. I go everywhere. I go to Minneapolis. I go to Chicago. I go to fucking Portland, Oregon. I go to Tempe. I go to Houston, Austin, Dallas. I go to New York.

go to New Orleans. It don't matter. I can relate. This last time in New York City, I saw a lot of weapons. I saw the bomb sniffing dogs. I saw a lot. Are you talking about legal weapons like police? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, think about it, you know. It's scary, it's scary. It's real.

You know, it's fucking real. Like, it's, you go to New York, it's real. So it's just... It's still one of the greatest cities in the world. Oh, my God. I love that city. I love that city. You know, all these cities that I go to, pretty much booming on paper for me. Like Philadelphia has become like this hot comedy city.

It's my hometown. They just opened up the punchline there. They got helium there. They got another club there. Every week the clubs are going at it. Right. To see who the fuck is the best. You know, these cities that were not dead 10 years ago,

they weren't dead 10 years ago. But they were struggling. You know, close to Philadelphia, you got to assume Camden's struggling. and Sorkin struggling, violent struggling, all those little cities 100 miles from from Philadelphia dying one by one.

You know, cannons down to no police force and I don't fucking know. Every time I hear something crazy about it. But some of these cities that I go to, I'm sitting there at all going, wow. What's your favorite cities now? What's your three top favorite cities in the States? You know what, man?

There's not a lot of places I go to that I don't like. I like the flavor of every place. And I find something that makes me look forward to going there. You know, and nine or ten, I got to be honest, you know, this is not drugs and it's not pussy. It's food. Food. Yeah.

Of course. Like, I'm going, what the fuck am I going to Chicago? And I got one thing on my mind. Some sweetheart today said to me, when you come to Chicago, let me know, I'm going to take you to the best taco place. I'm coming from California. Even though there's probably some good Mexico food. Probably is.

going to, you know, I don't want to go to eat no fucking tacos. First thing I'm doing with Lee is we're checking into the hotel room. I'm going to take a little nap, maybe work out, get ready for the show. And after the show, a friend Pete the Greeks picking us up. He's taking us to get a nice fucking hot beef sandwich with a little sausage in the middle. Nice. Like gentlemen, maybe a thing of water. Lee wants to kill.

He wants to have a friend. Well, I can't know about the sausage in the middle. Huh? I don't know that we were putting a sausage in the middle. The land is on Chicago man. That's Chicago a dog. Yeah. I've never had that.

I've had the, just the beef. Wait, wait a minute. I'm going to show. You think I'm going to take it to some uncie- but you have to get crinkle-cut fries. At least it's small. No, you've had a...

Okay, I'm from Philly. I'm all about cheese steaks, right? You've had the Boston bomb, right? I don't know what that is. You're from Boston, and you know what a Boston bomb is? This guy likes, unbelievable what I do with... It's like a cheesecake with sliced Canadian bacon on it.

See, he loved that shit. He loves all that. Yeah, it's a heart attack in a bond, but it's delicious. I've never heard of it, but it sounds interesting. Interesting. I'm weird I'm weird with my steak and cheese I don't like anything on it

So what do you like fucking bacon on just a hamburger? No no steak and cheese What are you talking about? You like burgers with bacon on it Yeah of course I do You don't like steak with bacon on it You're very particular No I don't like

For steak and cheese I want steak well done Like well well done like crispy With cheese yeah And that's it I hate people put mayonnaise and lettuce on it I see people getting at Subway and put him like veggies on Steak and Cheese. Well, that's your first mistake. You're at Subway.

So why would the fuck would you even judge those people? Once you go to Subway, you lose all credibility in the fucking sandwich world in my eyes. You could not say having a steak sandwich at Subway as I had a steak sandwich. Yeah, you have no idea what he eats. This guy eats a subway. I don't go anymore. Goes home, blows his ass out.

Speaking of Subway. Huh? Speak to the Subway. That guy, the pedophile, the one to jail. What's his name? Jared. Jared. Did you hear that he filed a lawsuit

against the parents of one of the girls that he went to jail for it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And blaming them for the way they raised her is the reason that he got arrested? He's abused that guy. I mean, what a piece of life. That guy's looking at a fucking nine years

no matter how you cut it. He's just backstroking like everybody else in this fucking world. Crazy. You're gonna fucking come on. I got no, I got no empathy for him. No, no, there's no empathy for those fucking guys. That guy was per seattle.

himself having a great old fucking time. Great old time. I know you like Charles Bronson. What's this real name? I have no idea. Charles Bronson? Charles, Pachinsky. Pichinsky or something like that.

What was John Wayne's real name? Lisa, yet. Marion Michael Morrison. Marion Michael Morrison, John Wayne. Here's an icon. Now, you also... Let me ask you something. So how long have you been doing that little thing

with the voices for weddings? I just launched it. Actually, strangely enough, Because I, you know, I was saying anything, but I just launched it last week. Good for you, man. Yeah. You had to get all the kinks out, I had to make it work. I love it.

I think it's a great fucking idea. I think it's a great idea. When I heard them, I'm like, wait a second. So you could just get it made and email. Yeah. Oh, shit. Well, you know, it comes a point where in your life, it's like you walk around all day. And let's say somebody, everybody who came up to who goes, tell me a joke, right?

You know how many times they get the request to announce or it comes in via email? I mean, after a while, it's like, I want to get back to it. That's what they want. Let me ask you a question. Yeah. I know you. You're a badass motherfucker. Just call me, Bruce Jimmy.

You always got a juke up before, you know, the last thing I need is you making, doing a million of these. And I'm saying? So you know, Ben Stiller shows up and wants 10 points, you know what I'm saying? Hey, listen, if it happens, then great. Maybe I'll even let my agent take care of it. I see, I like doing things myself. Yeah, me too. I like doing things myself.

That's a great idea. That's a, yeah. I love all this shit. I love all this shit. I love what I do. We love what our life. I mean, it's about being. You know what?

That's something that I like. I don't like a fucking ringtone. I don't like this. I really like this. Actually, I did that. Not a ringtone, but this isn't available anymore, but this is the Bruce Buffer app, right? Oh, wait.

Okay, so I'm going to play a couple of the saying. Let's see. I think you find this funny. You're not going to torture me on you, Bruce Buff. No. Just play two of them. I'm going to just, let's talk. Let's talk.

Let's talk. I'll find it. I'll find it. How long was this app running for? Is it still alive? No, I made a bad decision. Sometimes you make bad decisions of business with good products.

Again, but you tried it. Yeah, I did. You have nothing to lose unless you fucking try it. It did great. How many fucking things before she robs herself? How many of those apps did she sell it? The fucking Kardashian chick. Millions.

Millions. She made $40 million off that. She wouldn't have known if she didn't try it. You got to try things. If I remember correctly, one of the ways That was a recent one. She was making a lot, but one of the ones

that she made the ton and ton of money on actually happened through a legal battle where the people created it, and then she wound up going after them, and then it became her thing. And I mean, it's amazing how much money. Hey, let me ask you a question. Did it ever occur to you hearing that story

about her robbery in Paris? Did you have one inclination, one moment where you thought it was a setup? Yes. Yeah. I'm not saying it is, you know, because they're suing everybody that says anything,

but I'm just saying that you can't help but think when the girl, listen, Paris Hilton, before that Greenacre TV show came out, conveniently came out in a porno having sex with a guy named Rick Solomon that sold like crazy. I mean, millions, okay, claimed she never had any ownership of it. Came out two weeks before, brought a lot of publicity of the project. Kardashian had her tape conveniently was released, you know, a short period before a lot of things happened. You know, so very smart marketer and, you know, the rumor is her show is going to be canceled. Listen, let me explain something. to you. Before I became a

comedian, before I ever thought of this at the time. But before I thought of that, I used to rob drug dealers. But I also was a... Listen, when I started laying brick, anywhere I went, even to eat pizza, if I saw brick, I looked

at it and analyzed it and looked at it or it could be better. There's something about life when you're living. When I was a criminal, listen, the first time I read the article that I woke up that that Monday morning and I've seen in the Colorado paper

that OJ's wife had gotten killed I knew it was OJ. I'm sorry I knew it was OJ because a year earlier I read he got beat her on New Year's or something like that. That cop showed up beat the hell on her. So I knew it was OJ so I'm not going to lie to nobody. We were all racially profiled. When

I heard about the Kardashian thing there were two or three things that didn't sound right. Not the Uncle Joey. First of all, I would have punched her in the fucking head. That's what I don't like. She didn't take a punch to the fucking head. Something's not right there.

They just picked her up and put her in the bathroom. Not just that, but they tied her together with wrist, you know, the plastic, what do you call it, ties? Ties. And duct taped over them. Okay, your hands are tied. Now you're duct taped over, your feet too. You're telling me you got out of that? Something isn't right.

I'm not saying that she did or she didn't. You know, I don't want her going after us. Not saying it. But this is coming to you from a fucking criminal. And I'll tell you when you make these kind of mistakes. This is a mistake. This is one of those mistakes that you do when you don't think it out. You know, she went over there, it's worth $10 million.

So she gets $10 million insurance money and she gets action on the stuff that got robbed. Okay. I mean, there's just so many fucking, was her mother in the hotel? No, her friend was, and they also found one of the necklaces, which is a $33,000 necklace. they found on the sidewalk. So the criminals dropped it. You know, the thieves, they dropped it. So I don't know, who knows,

but it's amazing how you get robbed. You come back the very next day of the United States. They made $40 million. What, it's like, well, they made $40 million. What did they give a fuck out of an app? You just said they made $40 million on that.

Oh, her income is crazy. All right. So what's $10 million, so nothing? Nothing. That's why it doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. Doesn't make fucking sense to me. So they're going to get the insurance on a diamond.

I don't even know if they can get that much insurance on that. Anyway, that's another story. Or unless they really liked it or unless they didn't want to, they really planned it out. I mean, I could be wrong, too, unless they went in there. It's a great PR move. One fucking cop. One guy was at the door. You know, I mean, I can't tell them anymore.

I'm just saying I felt weird about it. I can't tell anymore. But when I first heard it, how it went down. if they said they were the shadow of the foot, she was also, she was by herself. Yeah, completely. There was somebody else in there.

That's what I didn't like. That's the thing I didn't like. I think she had a friend with her that was in a room downstairs that locked herself in the bathroom during this whole ordeal. That's what they said, yeah. It was another girl with her. It was in her downstairs or another bedroom. When she heard what was going on,

she just locked herself in the bathroom. What were the cameras? Where's the cell phone and the girl? Lock herself in the bathroom. Oh, she had one. I mean, she had all, she had her minutes. to call and she anyway there's just too many different variables

just weird you know what at the end of the day when you go food shopping I don't wish it on anybody though you know I don't wish that on anybody that experience go ahead food shopping it's just I don't like when people uh take advantage of somebody's like it's like fucking smacking your face with the intelligence like

something's not right I don't know I heard something today that she went after somebody for saying it No, they're suing. They're suing, yeah, not just saying it. Maid, if I remember this, I talked about this on my podcast this week. They made three posts about it.

They're like a popular magazine or something. They made three posts about it. And that was enough to get them sued. They were pretty blatant posts, you know. Well, you know what, man, if the smoke, there's fire. We'll see soon. I don't let's everybody. Be nice to the Kardashians if they're suing people.

What? Be nice to them if they're suing people. Be nice to them if they're suing people. Why be nice to them? I'm just saying what I felt when I first heard it. She's unharmed. There's no camera crew around. I mean, again, I don't follow her fucking career.

I don't know what time the show is at. I don't know what the seasons are. I don't even know who she's married. I heard she, Kanye West left during a fucking concert in New York. He just stopped. He just stops. I mean, somebody gave him a pink slip and he just left. You know what, man?

Where was he? She's always there at the fucking concerts. Where were the kids? Doesn't she have two fucking babies? I mean, there's just so many variables here that I thought of that minute. But you know what? I got my own problem.

I got to shoot a special. Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good myself, as they used to say, right? Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good myself. So I really don't have time to break down the Angelina thing and the Brad Pitt thing. What's your mind? Yeah, no, in your mind.

Rand's course is over. Yeah, it's really weird how it's like sport sometimes. You wish you had more time. sports, but you really don't because there's so many fucking things on your plate. Don't you think as you get older, the day to get shorter? Or do the day seem longer?

When you're a kid, everything is slow. And when you graduate high school, everything moves fucking triple speed. Right. Once you graduate high school, yeah, it was, it's over. Turbo time. It turbo fucking time. And it moves in 10-year

movements. Like you look, it's six years, you go, okay, I'll I'll take care of that problem. Next thing you know, it's 10 years. This has been amazing, especially for me. It's been amazing. It's just... Life, life, you're saying.

Yes, so far. It's just been... You know, what's that dude's name? Bampan, ha, pa, pa, pa. That one that ended up with the Eagles. Oh, you're talking to a musician or singer? Musician, guitar player from Detroit. Oh, geez.

Life, whatever that song is. not Rocky Mountain High's guy Yeah yeah yeah yeah What's the song he's saying Life ain't that bad Life ain't that bad yeah God it was a name You're killing me

That Rocky Mountain High What a song that was Classic Rock and Roll There's nothing like it anymore Let me see Who wrote Rocky Mountain Highly Not John Denver But Kelly

Rocky Mountain Mountain High was John Denver Right What's the song we're looking for The Rocky Mountain Way That's it. It's better than the way we had. Rocky Mountain Way. And he had the slider.

Right, right. Now, what's the other? Now, think of that guy's name. But not the John Denver one. No, no, no. Rocky Mountain Way. That's high. That's high.

Yeah, that's high. Way. Why is that high? Because you're highly. W.A. Joe Walsh? Yeah, Joe Walsh. Joe Walsh.

Now pressing Joe Walsh, the song, not Rocky Mountain Way, but the other one. Life's, life's been good to me. so far. Life's been good. Listen to the beginning of that late. Clicked on. Oh shit. Wednesday night. This guy can play, man.

There's a great fucking jam. Yeah, we'll close with this tonight. Anyway, brother, I'm happy that you can make it up to the show tonight. I was happy when you call me the other day. I was saying, you phone rang or Chris and it's Joey, it's Joey, I'm going to kill this call. You know, and like, I'll call you back. Joey, what's up? And, you know, you invite me on. And it's like, normally I'm just booked, man. It's like, you know,

I would have canceled something to be here with you, Joey. You're one of my favorite people, and we always get along, we always have a good time. I always see you on the flights and stuff. You know, I just, I don't stay for the UFC's no more.

Every since I had the baby, it's tough for me to sit anymore. Joey, you're a dad. It's tough for me to justify for me to tell my wife, and she's not going to say nothing, tell me. It's just me in my own personal head.

I'm like, it's tough for me to go, well, I'm going to go do a gig with Joe on Friday, and then stay, Saturday. I know that she likes a little yoga on Saturday. You know, give her an hour to go get a coffee, go get some shoes. The baby's three and a half. I don't mind watching.

They're taking it to the park and shit. So when I go to those UFCs, I get the fuck out of that at 6. I'm in Burbank at 7.30 so she could catch 9 a.m. yoga, you know? That's what you got to do. I think that's beautiful. That's what you got to do. You take care of your life. And you know what? I come home and I watch

the UFC. How many UFCs have been to? 25, 30 of them? What do I give a fuck at this point? I'm very happy. I'm content. I saw really good fighters. I saw Chuck Ladell smack the fuck out of 22,000 people. You know one thing.

You know that any big UFC, if that's a show you want to go to because somebody specials fighting, you know you'll be able to go. So nice to have choices, isn't it? Relax. Be with your child. Be with your lady. That's what life's all about, man. It's family. Familia.

You know, you just have to make sacrifices. A couple of weeks ago, Black Sabbath was doing their final show at the Hollywood Bowl. You didn't see it? No, because I got options. I got fucking things to do. I had to do this show. Lee and I were in Austin, Texas. We couldn't do the podcast on Sunday night.

We were both beat. So Monday it had to be, you know, and it worked out. It was a great podcast. And you know what? Every fucking final tour, they always come around one more time. Yeah, I know. They always do one. Their accountants go, you know, we finally made.

Stones are in their 70s, aren't they? Yes. And jumped around stage? The Stone did last weekend. this weekend coming, that's what you're telling me? The stones really play in Cuba? Yeah. Holy shit.

I saw that. I forget, I saw a clip on like a documentary, like a documentary. And I can't believe that must have been crazy. The stones are out there. They're not, you know, you know, you want to say to yourself, I'm getting old. Then you look at the stones. And then you look at, I think it was Rogan posted a video of Mick Jagger doing a workout at 70 years old.

Oh, yeah. Dancing workout and routines and moving his hips and whatnot. That's why he keeps going. He took care of himself, you know? Yeah. You know, when I did grudge match with De Niro, for an hour of day before everything,

for the last 30 years, De Niro does an hour of jumping jacks, calisthenics, push-up, stretches. It's an incredible shape. And that's, yeah. Unbelievable shape when you look at him and that was he was 71, I think, in grudge match.

Yeah. You know. I remember talking to his trainer, and he's been with the same. trainer since the boxing movie, the Raging Bull. Raging Bull. Look at the shape he got in the Raging Bull. Look at the shape he was in even older when he was in Cape Fear.

I mean, you know, it's, he's such an amazing actor. You know what, man? That guy, I grew up on him. Me too. There's no way to look past that. I grew up on that man. That's a fucking weird thing to say, like you grew up on that fucking dude. It's amazing.

Yeah, it's amazing. Me too. Absolutely. I think of other actors that are like that, ones that I disrespect. I grew up on Pacino. I grew up on Charles Bronson. You know, when I got to New York City from Cuba, Charles Bronson was just starting to bit slap people.

I don't remember the Great Escape and the other one with the 12 guys, the one with the seven guys. Oh, the dirty dozen. The dirty dozen. And the other one with the seven guys that he played one of the fucking slingers with Steve McQueen. That was Steve McQueen. That was called The Magnificent Seven. They just did the remake of it came out.

They should all be shot in hell. They should all be shot in hell. For remaking. Remaking that fucking movie. I jumped on the movie that got me that Charles Bronson made. I don't know what. It's in my DNA. Tell me what is it about.

I'll tell you one that got mine was Hard Times, where he played the beer knuckle boxer. Well, Hard Times was one of those movies. But the movie that got me, the first one was Death Wish. Because Death Wish, the rape scene is so. So fucking horrific. It's brutal. I watched that. It would be a 10-year-old child.

At that time, it's brutal. It was brutal. It's whatever. It was Goldblum. Jeff Goldblum. Jeff Goldblum. Jeff Goldblum. And that scene, so when Charles Bronson started doing that, even at my early Catholic

prude age, I was like, okay, I get what Charles Bronson's doing and I approve it. You know, like, let him go shoot people. An eye for an eye. His wife died. His daughter's an insane asylum. An eye for a fucking eye. Absolutely. And that was the first one.

Hard times was another one that got me. So good. The mechanic got me. Stone killer got me. Stone killer. Stone killer. Got me. The one with the watermelons got me.

He did a Western called Chattosland. Chattosland was one of the first ones in New York City. I remember still being a kid. That was an awesome. And you know, look at the body he had on him. At like 50. We were we not talking about that last night about how with the shape he was in a 51 when he did the mechanic?

I'm going to tell you something funny about Charles Brons. He lived in Malibu when I was a kid. And up to the point he died, he had Alzheimer's when he died. I'm sorry to say pretty bad. But my parents' house in Trancis had caught fire. And they had to fix it, right? So my dad went and stayed in this bed and breakfast in Point Doom out there. And he was writing.

My dad was a writer. So he just right. And he was calm. He goes, I just. can't write. He goes, this guy's banging away next door all day, morning, noon, night, just won't stop, you know, with his girl, right? So he goes out, who walks out of the room, Charles Bronson.

Just, nah, he said it was nonstop. It was morning. All three, it was like all day long. He was having a little affair. What year was this? This goes back to 19. I'm going to say this is about 19, I would say like, 82, 84, yeah, back then.

the 60s. Yeah. Yeah. Just banging away. Studband. Fuck. And that was before Viagra. That's where you had a sling.

Big dick. There was no such thing as Viagra right now. There was no such thing as Viagra. You either had or you did. Yeah. You either fucking lift it. Look at Paul Lisa. These fucking eyes.

Why, you hear the word of Viagra? You light up? I'm never, I've, I've haven't used Viagra. I have at once try to extend just because it was over the camera. Didn't do anything. I wasn't using it for the length,

but I was using it. that's right he had to make that disclaimer you realize that Joey what's that it wasn't the usual phone like yeah right listen it's not the motion is the ocean Lee no I tell you what I tell you what I said it's not the ocean it's the motion I just knew it didn't do that I was using it just you said I got to deal

with you said I got to deal with he buys fucking extends who'd you give dick to that night huh would you give dick to that night you didn't take it home and test it on yourself did no it was years ago what does that have to do with the question No.

Just a random, just a girl. Not a girlfriend. It's okay to have sex with a girl who's not your girl to me, Lee. I would remember that. Well, my current girlfriend would say something about that book. Okay. Let's not get Lee in any trouble. No, no.

I'm just saying, listen, if I know fucking Lee, he bought the extent and he drank him by himself. No, I didn't know. And he went home and had a cheeseburger and he racked off. No. Because I've talked about... Grab the blueberry pot.

and it went to heaven. Yeah. I don't like, see, pie is not good because it's fruit in it. So it's too not good. But anyways,

back to the point. I've talked about it on the chair before. That before Paula, I had a couple years that was bigger and I had, like, a lot of problems. I had problems getting it up

when I was younger. So you took a sense? I brought it because I didn't want it to happen. Oh, you're worried about performance syndrome. I got it. I was in the middle of a dry spell. So, yeah.

You're a bad motherfucker. Aren't you happy? We found each other. Look at you now. You're a bad motherfuckerucking. No, Blue shirt on. Lee,

be honest, from the other groupies, now that you're hanging out with the man. You know what? I've had a girlfriend for the majority of it,

so now. He's been a loyal. He's a little soldier. He's a little soldier. I like that. He's got to be a little soldier over here. He can't, I can't have him

running around, bang him, weird women. You don't want anybody other than a boy like that. I don't want people knock on the door, husbands and shit.

Lee's giving my wife stabbers. Tom, he's going to make her a podcast store. I don't need that shit in my life. That would be a time. Something off of. Buff, always a pleasure. Always a pleasure.

Just to fucking see you, you know? Thanks, Joey. So after this thing that your week is, when is your next week will work? I go to Mexico City in three weeks, and then we got the big show in New York City, which I can't wait. So Mexico City is the first week of November. Yeah, first week in November. And that's RFK against... That's a fucking tremendous fight.

Gosh, pardon me. I don't remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They came from San Diego. Eddie Bravo's buddy. That kid's a tough fucking kid. Oh, yeah, but I'm sorry. I'm drawing blanking off.

I'm like, you know what is? I'm so happy to be just like relaxed. I'll do my cards. I'll get into it. And once I get my cards and I really get into the fight because it's hard for me to take three fights ahead. I got to go fight by fight. By fight.

Yeah. I tell people, people hit me up all the time. Hey, man, I need tickets for this video. Oh, please. Let me explain something to you. I'm there six weeks away. I'm not even there mentally. Hit me up.

the week of, and they get insulted. And tough. Like, what are you talking about, man? Listen, because I don't fucking have time to call down there right now and tell them that you want tickets on that fucking date. They would hang the fucking phone up on me. Of course they would. So unless you want me to write your name down and for me to lose it,

because I'll forget this shit. So this is why I'm telling you, the night that I'm there, the first night, you call me. The first afternoon I'm there, you time it fucking perfectly. And you call me. Don't text me. Call me. And we'll work this out right now.

And they don't, they get pissed off at you. It happens all the time. All the fucking time. And it's like, I don't want to deal with whatever's not in front of my fucking plate. How about when people come up to you

just for the sake of thinking you got tickets in your pocket? I can't, I go through this all the time. They think I walk around with a lot of tickets because of what I do. No. I get two tickets to show. I got to buy every other one. It's fine.

It's, uh, it's really, Because I had, you know, it's really weird about the public's perception of things. Perception is reality. My perception of things, you know, about the public. When I was living in Jersey, what I thought about, what movie stars made. You were talking before earlier about, you know, as you get older, you make decisions.

It's like now. You know, when I first got here, you called me and say, Joe, I got a short sag for you. Base 50 a day. You're in Malibu. It's me. You, my brother, Tito, we're going to shoot it. all right, I come down there, you feed me, you give me 50, whatever the fuck. I have a good time, at least I'm doing it for you, you know.

But you get these fucking people who call you in, you shoot that movie, while you're there in the sun, they run out of water, they got no fucking manners. You work there for three days. It's just about a paycheck. How bad do you feel about that paycheck? Because it's just a fucking paycheck. So now you get these jobs ever since after Merge with SAG, you get these fucking jobs that you can't believe. That's what they're paying. You look at them and go, really?

Yeah. What? What happened? Oh, no, this is what they're paying. Yeah, if you're Johnny Bananas, you've got a bigger fucking rate. Right. But if you're not Johnny Bananas, this is the rate they're giving you. You might as well take it.

Now, ever since I started doing a podcast, they call me, and I'll look at it and go, no. Why not? I'm not going to kill myself because I know there's two by the ways here. You'd kill yourself at 25 and now at 52. You don't have to kill yourself. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I know what they want to do.

Now, now, see, it used to be, okay, guest star. So guest star is a one-day guest star. In the breakdown, it says one-day, motherfucking guest star. Right. When you book it, it's a one-day guest star plus a table read plus wardrobe. Plus travel. Plus travel. So they got you for three days.

It's supposed to be a one-day fucking guest star. They always trick you for that extra two days. And that money, instead of being for two days, is obviously for four days. That's right. And that's when you're like, fuck, I'm not going to go down there. Because it's a loss for me.

Well, you just look, weigh it out, the opportunity costs of time involved, that four days divided into the one day fee. It just doesn't work. Same thing with appearances, which are, you know, the day to travel there,

the day to travel back, the day there. Depending if it's a weekday, maybe it's easier. If it's a weekend, you know, it's tougher. It's just, I don't have a set fee.

My fees are based on each, you know, as I'm sure yours are. But, and then, of course, You got the movie and TV stuff that, you know, occasionally comes by our pathway, and you take what they get. You know what they give you?

I get nothing on my pathway. Do you know what the one thing I like about doing movies and to working for SAG? I love that frigging Blue Cross health insurance. That SAG health insurance is like the best health insurance there is. If you have level one. Yeah. I've been with level two for fucking two years now. I can't even go to chiropractor.

I can't even get ACU. Why don't you get level one? Because you got to work to get level one. I get level two on just two jobs a year. and fucking, and residuals from the movies and shit. I was very lucky for years. I was very lucky. And then in 2007, everything slowed down.

But guess what? The other end of the coin, because all those years when I was busy with television hours, and people weren't fucking buying tickets and coming to see me. That's right. So you have to give in this business, you have to pick your battles. Absolutely. That's the fucking work. It's not just this business.

It's every business as well. So I'm very fortunate what I got now. I'm feeding my wife and my child. I never wanted to have a BMW. I never wanted people to like my cigarettes. I don't want none of that shit anyway. I'm a normal fucking blue-collar cube. That's why I love you, Joey.

That's why I love you. I don't want to come to your party. I don't want to see the rest of your fucking house. All I want is the fucking spaghetti and the meatballs. You get these people to invite you. Let me show you the rest of that. So what you're saying is screw my 60th birthday coming up next year. Let me just have Joey over for dinner.

Yeah. No, no, no. I'll come to your birthday. Tell me where to sit and where the food's going to be served and that's it. But don't come to me and go, did I ever show you my bedroom?

I don't want to see your fucking bedroom, I don't want to see your bedroom, I don't want to see your bedroom, I don't want to see your bedroom, you have a nice view, you have a dog. I got a beautiful view, no dog. Okay, and I'll see the dog. You got a cat, I'll see the cat. But don't show me in your garage.

I don't want to see your 1960 Corvette. I don't give a fuck. I want to see the food. You told me there's going to be cheese steaks here the best in town, right? That's all I want to see. Guess what? I'm going to guard those things today.

And that's it. I don't want to waste time. But it's always good to see you, bro. I'm sorry to the bullshit with you here. Let me just give one shot out. As usual, it's fucking Jimmy. I love it. He went from Jimmy to Chris to Lee, but he's a solid dude.

I'll take all three. Yeah, we've been asking for you for a while. This is a joke, folks. You heard me say it a couple times. I know it's Lee, but the last time I was on the show, how long did it take me before I got his name right? Two hours. Was that sick?

That was sick. So if I said it's not, you understand I'm playing with you. We had a fucking good time, though, that night. That was great. That was a lot of fun. That was a lot of fun. As usual, my main sponsor always there for us on it, putting it motherfucking together, supplements, weights, vests, kettlebells,

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All right. Who does that shit? I'll tell you that. I'm going to take it up on that too because I use that testimony for me on the honor products when I play those long poker tournaments like the World Series of poker.

I load up on that alpha brain. I like that alpha brain. I like that product a lot. You can't snort them. But if you pop on and shit, you drink a little milkshake, something nice, it's a nice. But it takes a while for it to get into your system,

guys. So if you're planning on writing a book or something, this might be for you. Go to honor.com right now and press in. Church. Boom. Church. C-H-U-R-C-H and get 10% off delivered to your house. I want to thank my main man, Bruce Buffer. I want to thank Lee Syatt. And that's it. I'll see you motherfuckers in Chicago. Thank you for all the love and support. Halloween weekend, South Point Casino, Las Vegas. And then November 11th, the night before. the UFC. I'm at the Wilbur, motherfucking theater. Right there, Boston,

I'm bringing Lee with me. He's going to go out there and jump up and down. Look at him, he's all happy. He's talking about eating chocolate and shit like that. I love you guys. And a Boston bomb. And a Boston bomb. Don't forget, if you want to order Bruce Buffett doing an announcement for your wedding, Bruce Buffer

come to your house, jump out of a helicopter. Whatever you need, he'll yell and here now, whatever. He'll do the fucking Buffer 360. What's the webpage? Brucebuffer.com. Thank you again. Have a great weekend

and I'll see you Cocksuckers back here Monday, all right? Stay black and thank you for all the love and all the support. I want to thank the guy who gave me the Hot Wheels in New York for my daughter. I keep forgetting the fucking thank you, okay?

I didn't find a note. And also somebody gave me a goodie bag from Whole Foods. Thank you very much. I took the goodie bag out. I took the note out and put it in my back pocket but it must have fallen out. I didn't forget it.

We enjoyed it. I like the salami sticks and the fucking plantain chips were delicious. Thank you again. Have a great weekend. Stay black. Be safe. Love you, Joey. Love you too, brother.

This show was brought to you by Onit. Go to Onit.com and use Code Word Church to save 10% on all their amazing optimization products like AlphaBrain, New Moot, Shroom Tech, Immune, and ShumTech Sport. All right, Lee. I'm going to pick up a...