The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #424 - Dean Delray

Episode Date: October 24, 2016

Dean Delray, Comedian and Host of the "Let There Be Talk" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Hint Water - Get a variety pack of their most popular flavors that would normally cost $24 for $15 at drinkhint.com/church.   Helix Sleep: Go to helixsleep.com/JOEY to get $50 off of your order off a custom mattress.    Seeso: Seeso is the new ad free streaming service. Bingeable comedy. Anytime. Anywhere.    Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 10/23/2016.
  

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It's early Monday morning. Uncle Joey, Dean Delray, my Jewish gumballi, Siatt, the church of what's happening now, cock suckers. Kick it, Lee. Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with cock suckers? It's a whole new week, fucko. Strap a pair on.

Here we go. Are you fucking kidding me? Who shit? Can't stop rock and roll. You can't stop dick. You understand me? Uncle Joey, the church of what's happening now? Early Monday morning, the 24th of October,

my main man, Dean Del Rizzy. Man, that song is so good. That fucking comes out firing. Oh, man. I thought about that jam all day today. I don't know why. I was like, I'm not even a twisted fucking sister fan. But when it comes to, I walked out of a show one time.

You did? Yeah, I was young. They had makeup on. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you. When I went to see him the first time at a bar in Jersey, they had makeup on. Wow. And the guy I was with didn't tolerate none of that shit.

I didn't tolerate none of that shit. We looked at each other and went to Chance dragging it, called it a night on a Friday night. That's it. Wow. This band, they just called it. That's it. They ended it about a month ago. They did like three shows in Jersey, New York and Queens or something, and that's it.

And last week, I was asked to host this. 30-year anniversary of the best club ever in L.A. It was called The Cat House. And Ricky Rackman ran it from, you know, that MTV, you know, Ricky Rackman. When was the Cat House? It was on, there was two locations. It started on Los Angeles at this place. And then it moved to Highland at a club called Probe.

And it was the hottest club ever in L.A. And it's like where Guns and Roses played and Faster Pussy Cat, all ground zero. Jet Boy, all these bands, junkyard, motorhead, and everybody hung there. It was a Tuesday night club. You had to have a $1, like, membership card,

because they figured out if you were a membership, they could turn people away at the door without being... Rude. Yeah. So, Ricky had the 30-year, and he asked me to host, and he booked five bands

and didn't tell anybody who they were. It was the fastest sell-out last week on Sunset at the Roxy ever. Seven seconds. No one knew who was going to play. So I go and host and at the end of the night, Ricky Rackman scores Twisted Sister. And I sat on stage. I posted some footage of it on my Instagram. And I liked Twisted Sister when I was young, the Stay Hungry record and this record here that Lee was playing. I was into it. But then over the 20 years or whatever, I, you know, I checked out. And I was bummed that I did when I watched him play. this night, I swear,

Dee Snyder, fucking fucks it up. He fucking crushed. He always does fucking. I give credit. I give credit. It was just, I was young, and I didn't know what, you know, we were fucking impatient. I get it. I really want to be there. It wasn't really our scene.

So, like, how important to you, when I think of music, since I'm not a huge music, I think all that matters to me is the music, how important were those other aspects, the costumes, the stage, like, how important was that to you as a fan? Sounds like it was a lot, very important. No, at that time, I walked out of toll.

Oh, yeah. When I saw him play the flute. Yeah, flute rock. You know, I walked out of a few movies by that age. And the guy I hung with at the time, I still hang with him. He's my daughter's guy. You know, he doesn't have patience for that shit. You know, he never really was a pot smoker.

He did that ask of him and went home and had a freak out of his house. He never really liked that shit, so it wasn't his. That's why I kind of dug him. It wasn't really always my scene either. There was some nights, I just want to smoke a joint and just go out. And I went out with him. And some of our friends went to see Twisted's sister. Let's go down there.

We walked in, and they came out and said, Twisted fucking sister, man. And they had makeup on it. I think during the first song, we just looked at each other and tapped out. Wow. There's an incredible documentary. Documentary, yeah, on Netflix. about how nobody wanted them and it was just fucking one thing

after the other one thing after the other a friend of mine was explaining and saying they become in the tri-state area before they were even a record deal and famous they started making thousands on the bar circuit on their own no one would give them a record deal or anything so they're like fuck all you guys man and they just

selling out everything all over the place and individually become the kings man and I think that's around 84 that stay hungry record and Dee Snyder wrote all that stuff and fucking man that guy you know he had a vision. They were way into

New York dolls and I never got into the New York dolls you know and that was their thing New York dolls and I liked to kiss but not New York dolls but Twisted Sister Boy there was a time they were the biggest band in the world with that I want to rock that fucking thing with that guy in the video

What do you want to do with your life? That was 84, was it? I think so, yeah. All right, Dean, when you were in a band, and I guess you guys are both comedian, so it might be the same. When you get to that pinnacle of, like, you're the biggest in the world,

do you think you think it's going to last forever? Or do you think even, like, if they, like, all you always hear about one hit wonders, do you think they know, like, all right, this is probably like only, like, do you think they prepare for it? Or do you think they're just delusional the whole time? Well, I think that,

Um, if it's so fucking hard, it's a zillion to one to get where some of these bands got. And you got to know that you can only be there for so long. Now, if you're delusional, you're just all on drugs or whatever. But, uh, D. Snyder is a very smart man. He parlayed that into, what are we looking at? 30 fucking years right now on a band that probably people thought would last, you know, a week. You know, so to me, that is still. They've made it.

In my eyes, if you go out and you could sell out like theaters and shit right now, 30 years later. Oh, yeah. Like, that doesn't sound like they failed at all. How many bands got a record deal? Taped the first album and fell apart. You have no idea, Lee, the stories of this, the same stories that go with comedy. Nobody knows. You see Gay-Berg-Leghyses.

What do you think of Gay-Broghases every night's a picture of him in a theater with people? nobody goes out on the road like Gabriel and if you talk to Gabe he'll tell you the same thing this ain't gonna last forever I'm gonna get a piece of this well he's very smart about it he knows exactly

there's some people that go into then you have people that go into with their 20s everything falls apart when they're 30 nobody knows who they are and they still walk around with that fucking attitude now that's crazy right that's crazy you know who I am you know who I am that's fucking crazy

well if you had 10 years of that why wouldn't you You almost understand why it happens. Music, comedy, acting. It takes a certain thing not to fall apart. And some people are falling apart. Britney Spears fell apart for fucking two years and came back. The little chick, the Disney chick.

She fell apart for two years and somebody had to pull her aside and talk to her. This cut Justin T. Justin Bieber, whatever. Everybody has a point, you know, Gungham Roses. I remember Gungum Roses on national television, on heroin, not smoking a fucking cigarette at the podium. Like, they didn't give a fuck. Yeah. That's my, when I think of Gunger Roses, I think of that.

That's how big they fucking were. Like, they were walking around fucked up, Lee. I mean, drooling, heroin, blow, alcohol on their breath, cigarettes on a fucking building that said no cigarettes. We don't give a fuck. Guns and Roses. Yeah. We're sparking.

You know what I'm saying? You want to give me a ticket? You want to arrest me? It don't matter. We'll be out an hour. In an hour, you know, so there's a certain mind thing that goes with it. Well, you probably have to have that certain mindset to get to that level. I would assume.

Look, Axel, Rexor Rose went off the deep end. For how long did he disappear for? Now, 15 years. 13, yeah. 15 years. He went to Arizona and was living with a guy that was reading stones to him and shit. Do you read that and roll these stones? I mean, Lee, God knows where your mind goes.

Can you imagine that. any way you go girl wants to suck your dick you go to that restaurant for breakfast that waitress she wants to suck your dick her kid loves you the band you know she'll do anything for i mean that that's just one of the perks there's no manual yeah you know we have i would love for for you know they talk about all this virtual reality i would love to go and hang with zeppelin in the 73 for six months that'd be great right and see how long it would take you to go to rehab Yeah, yeah. How long will it really take you to you went to rehab, you fucking pussy?

These people, I think they go off the deep end. John Bonham died in 79, and that party started and fucking, since he was three. He was drinking like that and playing the drums and your blood pressure, you know. That thing doesn't stop. It's crazy, man. It's like I was talking to you about that blind melon, you know? It's like, here's this band that had, they put a record out. it flops totally and then MTV starts showing the bumblebee video you know like hey this is a cute

video and in a three month period they flop to three million records like they think they're done and they fucking crush it then the singer gets on fucking drugs and and he can't break it he can't fucking break loose they're sending them to rehab they're trying to fucking help them they're trying to fix him he writes a second record which is monumental to me like this record is crushing he dies three months later I saw him a week before he died

you know and it's like it had to just spin him out like you got to think like you're from Indiana like he knows Axel he sells three million records he live in Hollywood in the 80s 90s people are in the don't cry video in the don't cry video

at the end was that not him yeah that's him and uh you know they were like, almond brothers meets Jane's addiction. And this guy's lyrics were deep, man. I was reading him today because he died Saturday 31 years ago.

I was like, this guy- 31? 31? 31 years ago. No. Or 20-21. Sorry, yeah, 94. Yeah, 94.

Ninety-old. Yeah. 21 years ago. But it's just crazy to think like how people, you know, they just, I don't know what grabs you, you know, you're just out there party. And the next thing you know, it grabs you and you're gone, you know. You can't. You know, you look at Springsteen's longevity.

You look at the stones, longevity. Don't tell me the stones, they have fucking problems. Oh, man. You know, they had internal problems and drug problems. Look at Arrow Smith. Oh, man. Lee, Aerosmith. Take Aerosmith.

Yeah. Like I saw it told you, when they did the album rocks, they were so high. They didn't even talk to each other. They just lived in the same house. And what time we'll be down there at three. Don't go down there, three. From three to five, I got the studio. You don't go down there from three to five.

Your addiction takes you to this place. When you signed up for this band, you just wanted to make records and make a little bit of money, maybe, and play and meet some chicks on the road. And here you are, Aerosmith. These guys were dead. For anybody who doesn't know the Aerosmith's story, they died in 1979,

and nobody heard from them to 85. But now you're like, Joey, So what? bands do that all the time? No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about at the time, they were the cream of the crop, and they fell apart right in front of your Perry left. The other guy left. Tyler was on a fucking heroin bender.

He couldn't sing. It was a fucking horror show. It was a horror show. And look at somewhere along the line. They were at least done with mirrors, which I lit on fire. That's just a god-awful album. I love that record. There's two songs on it.

I remember and I threw the cassette away I'm like I'll never listen to this shit again Wow! Then the rappers put them on the fucking song and they blew up the top and they came back with all that music. Is it my favorite Earl Smith music? No, it's not. But I'm happy they got back together. It was a piece of my childhood, you know. We've seen

all these people and you ask yourself the same story. Comedians. You know, they go to Montreal, they fucking get the deal, they come here. You know, this is, this moves fast. This is fast. This is fast moving dog yeah and when this hits this hits one minute you're doing Googles and fucking Missouri and the next minute you're gonna call to do the Toronto amphitheater and it's 62,000 seats

6200 seats I'm sorry yeah and people gonna pay $48 a fucking ticket for you you're like are you serious yeah and you're still doing that same fucking you know you can fall apart anywhere hilly ego has a lot to do it no has a fucking big part of me like you can say drugs but it's It's always ego for the internal battle between. I was just reading this thing. I couldn't believe it yesterday. But when Maiden first got Bruce Dickinson and they do number of the Beast record,

they shoot to fucking the biggest. And Steve Harris, the bass player, his thing was I'm always in the front, in the middle. And Bruce Dickinson was like, third show in, like, hey, fuck this. I'm the singer. He started going over and just fucking smashing him over. Like, you're over there, dude.

And Steve Harris admitted they got a number one record out. And he's like, I'm thinking of firing this guy. Ego, because he wanted to be dead center in the stage. It's unbelievable when I'm reading this. Like, who's heard of a bass player dead center? You know what I mean? As you know, I'm an emotional guy. And I get emotional with dumb shit sometimes.

And my internal mind, sometimes you just pissed off for two days. And you go, what am I pissed off of my? Yeah. So the other day, I go, what the fuck? I'm not doing that. Let me go buy some albums. I go down there, and I see 10 great albums that day. But two albums jump out at me, synchronicity.

Oh, yeah. Synchronicity turned my life run. I was in a fucked up spot in 83. That summer, I was a burglar. I was going to college. I was working with an electrician. And that album used to soothe me. I don't know what it was.

That and the pretenders learning to crawl. Awesome. at that time. And I got Regatta the Blunk. Yeah. All right. And I got the Stones and Made in the Shay. It was one of my favorite of all time because he don't stop.

The fucking album just don't stop. I like albums that don't stop sometimes. Yeah. And I'm on my way home. One of my buddies called me from Jersey. And I had me, we had been missing calls for a couple days. And I called him back. And he goes, where are you coming from?

And about, listen to how much of a child I am when it comes to music. I'm about a week ago, his brother, the guy I'm on the phone with, His brother flew out here and met with another guy from where we're from San Diego, and they went to those concerts. Now, I grew up in this kid's shed of music, and we used to have arguments about music and shit. The one that came out of here was older, Anthony Avillo. And he posted a picture of Pink Floyd on Sunday night.

Oh, yeah. Roger Waters, and it says dogs, tremendous. And I fucking get furious. If you play dogs, David Gilmore, better be on that stage. If not, don't do it. You're just killing me. Don't fucking do it in front of me. I'll tell you that.

And I'm driving. I'm thinking about all this shit on the way home. And I tell him, I go, you know what, Steve? Your fucking brother went last week, and he posted that picture. Fuck him. And he goes, what are you talking about? And what are you talking about? I go, you know, I can't.

There's two people I can't stand the music business. I can't stand looking at him. And that's A sting. Yeah. And two, Roger Waters. I really cannot stand Roger Waters. Every time I hear him talk, I want to punch him in the fucking man. And for years, I liked them.

I really liked them. And there was one thing I don't like. Yeah. When he did that thing on VH1, and they talked about Roy Harper singing that part. Oh, yeah, yeah. What song is it? On money, right?

It's money. No. No, it's, um, which one's pink? Wish you were here. By the way. No, it's from Wish you were here. So it's got to be, some melody from that album, shine on you crazy diamond.

It's, um, something. It's the one, uh, Fuck, oh, man. I was weird just talking about it, you and I never knew that Roy Harper is saying that ever until like three months ago. And I was like, wow. Something weird that had to take him out of it, like he just couldn't hit it. Yeah. He couldn't hit it.

An hour, Roger. An hour. How long was he going to take? And he couldn't hit it. So they sent him out. Roy Harper was next door. He never got paid. I get that's how good.

Have a cigar. Have a cigar. That's it, yeah. Yeah, by the way, which one's pink? He says that in there, right? Something like that, yeah. By the way, which one's pink? Have a cigar you're gonna go for?

Isn't that weird? Because something crazy, he couldn't hit it. It sounds just like one of those guys. Roy Harper came in, nails it. And when Foco comes back, you know, now they interview him then and now. And he's like, you know, right there, I just fucking, a whole thing I hate came over me. because I knew Pink Floyd just didn't break up because they were four geniuses.

There had to be a fucking reason. Yeah. And he said, whatever sang it, but till this day, I think I still could have done a better job. You know what? Fuck you, punk. Fuck you punk. I love Don Felder.

Yeah. Okay, I love Don Felder. There's a big deal with them in the Eagles that, on not the long run. Yeah, he was going to sing a song on Hotel California. Yes. Yes. And they took him to lunch.

and they take the song with Don Henley and that cost them their fucking life. But again, you're not going to pull it off. They eventually let Keith sing. Keith Richard, when you keep Richard sing, you want to shoot yourself in the head. You're like, what the fuck is this shit? Before they make me run, whatever.

But give them the song. He wrote 18 fucking hits. Yep. What's up, Lee? You always hear comedians wish they were rock stars. in a band, does everyone wish they were the singer? Because I've never... I think everybody wishes they were the star.

Not necessarily the singer, just the main guy. You know, that's how it gets into that, I think. You know what I mean? Especially with drummers, because they get such the short end of the stick. They got to play drums, the fucking physical and shit. And then at the end of the day, they don't get any glory unless you're, you know, bonds or Keith Moon, but, and then they, they get cut out of royalties because they didn't write the songs and all this shit. That's why I always get drummers on my podcast, because

without a good drummer, the band is, it sucks. I'll show you, every band that's great, they got, it starts with a great drummer. You know, that's the bottom line. So you got to fucking keep that guy happy, man, because the chemistry is there. It's weird, man. When you got chemistry of four guys, you can't just go like, well, us too, we make all the money. You know, it's just, it's going to blow up. That's crazy. I never thought about that, how drummers do get cut up. They do.

The music business is just as ferocious. It's gross. As any other fucking, and people think that it's that glamour thing, and you still get robbed somewhere along the line. Like, there's always a theft. Years ago, I don't remember. And I said this on this show. Somebody lived in the building that was on tour with Limp Biscuit.

Yeah. They were opening up for Limp Biscuit. They were telling me their story that they don't get paid on the tour. or something. The album sale, something just that I sat there and said, what? Yeah.

You guys don't get too grand or something to open up for Limpiscuit. Like, no, we get like, Bredeum and something else. We make our records online. I don't fucking know. I was like baffled. And you took this deal.

It's crazy. Called a 360 deal. Where the record companies, they figured out, well, nobody's going to buy the records anymore. So we're not making any money on these bands. So what we got to do is do a 360 deal, which means we get a piece of everything in the pie.

We get a piece of your tour. We get a piece of your t-shirts. We get a piece of your, if you're on TV, we get a piece of your songwriting, we get a piece of your record sales. 360 deal, and it's fucking gross. You know, it's just insane, man. But that all trickles down from people stealing records and everything. You know, it's just the big wigs.

They're not going to give up their cars and mansions. So where do you think they're going to get the money? They're going to keep digging until they get the money to keep the fucking. It's not to keep the lights on. It's to keep the fourth car on and the fifth house. You know what I mean? It's insane. I never, like I said, that was one part of me.

I'm an only child. And that shit runs deep, like psychologically at times. Yeah. You know, I always bust Lee's chops. Lee always says to me, well, I'm thinking about my girl. If I'm moving, I go, Lee, I'm knowing you from the outside. And I could tell that you're a really personal guy. You don't like people touching your shit.

He's never had a roommate situation. I've never had a struggle and go to me, Joe. I live with three guys and shit. He always opened his home to you. But I can tell that at the end of the week, as long as he knows you're going home, he's happy. Like, this ends like in a week. You can stay on my couch. Lee, you only child, too?

No, I have a younger brother. Well, where does that stem from? You know, I've always been, for me, the thought process of always wanting to be the star Yeah. Is so foreign to me. Like, I can't even comprehend it. I just, I don't know. I don't want to be this.

I never wanted to be the center of attention. Yeah. I'm nervous. I'm shy. It's just who I was. It made me uncomfortable. I wish, I always wanted to have more friends and be more liked. But it always, like, when I found out,

that people in college would come and knock on your door and just come in. Yeah. And fuck that. There's, like, I don't want anyone just knocking on my door. I want people to call before that I didn't like that at all. So, like, I, I only lived on campus for a semester. I couldn't, I couldn't deal with it. It was, uh.

People would knock on your door? Well, they would. They wouldn't. They, they would there a little bit. But the reason I. Just at the dorms? Well, yeah, I just moved off campus because, like, let's say I was a pot smoke. I'd knock on your door with it.

Fuck, no. I know you're holding some sandwiches or some salmages or some salami. You know, I think it's funny because I'm an only child. I'm 50. And it's funny you said that because recently I was like, man, maybe I'll move to New York, you know, because I've been going a lot lately. I was there all the August. I was there last week for eight shows. I'm loving I'm loving the stage time. And I really want to become a better comic. And part of me, my whole life, everything about me is from being a, an only child, but also it has the bad side of, well, New York, you got to get a roommate.

And I'm just like, fuck, man, I just, I can't live with someone, man. It's just, it's so fucking weird. Because when I want to go to sleep, I want to go to sleep and when I want to be awake or play records, I want to be, and, and it's like, am I willing to sacrifice my comfort to become a better comic? You know what I mean? Well, here's the roommate situation. Yeah.

So we get an apartment, we got a two-bedroom, you know, you're two doors apart, right? You're trying to save dough. Yeah. $1,500. You want to get $750 out of somebody. Totally. And you get like a girl in there or a friend of yours in there, you know, and they party or whatever the fuck. See, that's where it ends bad.

Yeah. If you don't party right now, let's pretend I got a house. I got a three-bedroom fucking house. I got a back room in the back. and I know that Dean is struggling as a comic. 500, as long as you clean the kitchen, Dean, listen, do me a favor. You're not going to see me. Yeah.

Unless you hunt me down on the other side of the fucking crib. Yeah. And you have your own garage and you have weights. As long as you clean up and all that shit, I don't give a fuck, man. Yeah. It's the people who you walk downstairs and they're smoking in your living room. There's three strangers in your living room. And they got beer bottles and you see the foot.

And you know where they're about to kick the fucking beer bottle. That's exactly what I'm telling us. It's got a cigarette button it, which is disintegrated. And you know, you know, that shit, look at how I tell you. I described the situation to you. Exactly. I don't want to be a part of that. Yeah.

I don't want to be a part of that shit. I've lived on couches. People always extended fucking courtesies to me growing up, you know. But when I had a roommate situation, he was cool and fuck. And they were Jimmy Burkle, God rest of the soul, we lived together two or three times. And there was never, I would never bring somebody over. Yeah. Like I would never, he had a girlfriend, he would go to her house.

Yeah, that's what I would go somewhere over there. That kind of shit, right? You know, you leave town, he watches the dog. He leaves town, you watch the dog. There's always some fucking thing to do. That's a great. He's a professional, you're a professional. Everybody pays their rent.

Nobody's doing blow, or at least they do blow or do it once a week in their room. Shit like that is fun. You know, sometimes to come home and to talk to somebody for 10 minutes. It's kind of fun. especially if they're not a comic. Right. It's great. It never worked for me.

I didn't have that many of them. You're right. I never had a roommate out here. But when I had roommates, if they weren't my friend, it was great. Right. Like 10 minutes saying hi, maybe watch a TV show together and have some dinner. But when I moved in with people who I knew. That's when you're fucked.

It ended up in hate. They start pushing buttons. They know they can get away with stuff. Like, oh, man, why are you so uptight or whatever? That kind of shit. That starving roommate shit. Unless everybody's cool on the same page, it never works. It's great for a while to somebody, a friend of theirs moves in.

And then your shit starts to miss. Your shirts are disappearing. Totally. And you're like, fuck. Now I got to smack a motherfucker. That's a bad situation. Listen, I was a single. I was an only child.

I had my own bedroom growing up with my own TV, stereo remote control. That cable in my room, had an air conditioner in my room. All that ended when my mom died. Now I had to sleep on a bed with a guy. Yeah. I lived at John Bender. We had a double bed. We slept together.

Two 16-year-old, like two fucking fags with the window open and shit. You know what that's like? That was against my whole culture in 16 years. Then I slept on couches. Then I went to fucking prison. Then I got like a fucking apartment. I didn't get an apartment on my own until I was like fucking 20. Yeah.

I went to Boulder. I got my first fucking apartment, which was basically a room with a mattress, a walkman. Yeah. Yeah. I got a TV after a while. I got cable. I didn't know nothing about fucking nothing. I had been sleeping on couches all my fucking life.

Yeah. I lived in a warehouse with another band member where we rehearsed. So I lived in the office of the warehouse, and then he built like a wooden loft inside the studio, and he slept in there. But he would do a little fucking marching powder and just fucking practice guitar all night, not plugged in, but I could still hear it.

It would just be like, dink do, and after like four hours, I was like, dude, man, you got to fucking stuff, you know what I mean?

You can hear them? Yeah, because it was really quiet in the warehouse at night. You know, we lived in an industrial era, and you could just hear it, pick it, just,

and you would just try to learn stuff, Metallica, you know, just like that low. But I would have to get up working construction at like six in the morning. And I'd be like, oh, you know. And then this stuff just wears on you, man. It's just like, it's tough, man.

I mean, it's like, you know, it's stupid complaining about it. And with me, guess who my worst roommate was? Who? Of all time. Yeah. My mom. Oh. No class.

Oh, your mom. No class. No class. No respect. We had just this conversation on the night. Lee, I. I am for no respect, no class, actually woke me up when I was 14 with a girl downstairs,

come down and meet her, dance with that type of shit. Yeah. My mom would knock on the door and go, no, there's people downstairs. They want to come down, dress up, come down. I would come down, have to talk to people for them, they'd be all fucking coked up. Yeah.

I'd be giving out hugs. They'd be giving me 20s and shit. My mom would bring me like a Cuban sandwich from the Cuban place down the corner, and then she was rude. Yeah. Or she would cook. At four in the morning people come over and she'd go.

Loud laughing. Loud, laugh, loud music. Yeah. My mother was rude. In fact, I went home about not this time, maybe three times ago, three, four years ago, I went home and I went to see a person that had grown up around the house. And she goes, you know, when I think about your mother, I think of one night, like in 1970. She goes, my kids were fucking young. You know, she was young.

They were like 14, 11, 8. And he goes, I heard my husband, Renee, your mom and your stepdad, coming to my house. And your mom's tone in her voice, she thought it was one in the afternoon. Oh, yeah, right? She goes, and he goes, that's the night I understood your mom. Like, I always liked your mom because she didn't give a fog. Yeah.

Like, she just didn't give a fog. I had to say the same scene, man. A lot of late night parties at my head, you know. Just Carol King on Sunday morning, you know, that meant. the all-night bender was over, the Boone's Farm and the fucking Colombian weed and the you know what I mean? Just the

I remember my mom, we lived in this house, man, and my mom had another woman living with us. The woman died in a fucking Corvette car crash drunk driving. It's a chick named Cindy. But we had like a roommate. You know what I mean? Like an adult,

my mom had an adult roommate. Like, you know, so it was like another person living at our house because we were just, you know, I needed to make ends meet and it was just, it was just weird, like, I think back in my childhood, you know, I said this, I said this to someone recently,

I was looking at some paperwork my mom sent me and there was a stepdad in there, I didn't even remember until I was looking at the paperwork. It's like, holy shit, I forgot my mom married this guy when I was like five, maybe six. I'm going to wait it together for like a year, you know what I mean? I completely don't even

remember that. Isn't that crazy? It's just like, it's just wild, man. When you look back at how everybody, the people, my friends that I see how they grew up and then how I grew up, I love how I grew up. But it was pretty fucking, she'd be out a lot. So I'd be alone. That's why I don't think I can deal with roommates. I learned to be cool with being on my own.

I love it. I do too. I love it. I love it. I do too. The only child shit, I would wake up at six, and that meant I would be alone for like three or four hours. Yeah.

And that's always been in my world. Like last night I got up at five. This morning, Sunday, yeah, I got up at five. I was up for two fucking hours before anybody got up. Yeah. I smoke some dope. I drink some coffee. I take a shower.

You know, it's your own little fucking world. You put on some soft music. You read a couple fucking segues for your chokes. You look over your podcast, whatever. Yep. I've always enjoyed. I love it. I tell you what, guys, I like going to movies by myself.

Me too. Me too. I've been married twice, and I've had girlfriends, and I've got great friends, but I think at times my best friend has always been my solitude, and I'm embarrassed to say it. Listen, there's nothing better than me going from a movie by myself. And before I go, I roll a joint. I got a Chinese one of those lunch specials.

Yeah. Like, the movies used to start, like, at 12, 15, and you go to a Chinese restaurant with it opened at 11. 11 for 30 you got you eat little fucking lunch special little shredded fucking beef with the white rice some fucking pot stickers of egg roll and you went to that movie by yourself because I realized that sometimes

this might be selfish Lee make me out the movies at 1215 also at 1215 I got a fucking call from Lee I'm three blocks away the lady in front of you know and I'm not saying Lee I'm just saying your name it's it always works out like that for me late you know or you're late at the channel They talk during the movie.

I don't give a fuck if you say something during the movie. I'm too high. I won't even hear. I'm deaf. I'm deaf and I turn the deaf button on. That's the least of my problems. You know, I make sure I sit next to the door. That Lemley comes to me one of these art students comes in there shooting.

They gave me a D in fucking design. I don't need to be shot by some fucking art student with a BB gun. So I sit next to the door. But I love that shit. Me too. And I heard that people who eat by themselves die. Like they die. heart attacks or they die younger.

It looks like I'm going to die younger. And I'll tell you why. Because first off, when I eat, if I see Lee on a ranch, I'm already upset. You know what I'm saying? And if I'm a general, for years, I wouldn't say none. In my mind, I go, look at this mutt. Like, not only does he owe me

$25 fucking, not only is he a fucking mutt. But on top of that, he drinks ranch dressing. Like, I'm judgmental. Yeah. This shit, I don't want to know about you. You know what I'm saying? I don't care how you eat. I don't care if the food drip down your fucking face. Yeah.

It's what you invite to that fucking table. It depresses me, okay? Like, if you eat hummus or you order like a bad entree out of place, like I expect you to be to know shit about this place before we go in there, right? And I know you know the anchies. I like the places where people who look at you, they look like a fucking schmoke. And they look at me at 300 pounds. And they go, Joey, when I go in that place with you, what should I eat?

And under pressure, they crack, and they get the worst thing on the menu. Yeah, yeah. This fucking Galook over here. They crack constantly. Poon boy, listen, get the fucking gumbo and he'd rub the crab on your face. I've never had gumbo before. But you had the crap. It's amazing.

It's amazing. I can have a conversation with Lee. He'll tell me where he's going to lunch. Oh, my one of his planes. And when a sudden I go, how was it? Oh, no, he decided to go to his other place to eat dump. And I don't understand none of that shit. So before it affects my fucking life.

Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Before you order pizza at a bad fucking place. Yeah. In front of me, because I don't ruin my movie. Now I don't want to even sit next to you at the movie theater. Like, that's how upset I get with all that shit, so I just avoided it.

You never brought food into the movie theater. Like you said, you stopped the Chinese place? I would stop at the Chinese place better bring it in. Listen, if I smell your disgusting dumpling at the movie theater, I will take that chopstick from you and I will stick it right in your tit. You understand me? That's the gross. That's the gross.

I don't want to smell food at that fucking movie. Food always smells like foot in a movie theater. It always smells like a foot. On a plane. People have no idea on a plane how bad that fucking McDonald smells at 8 in the morning. Oh, dude, I was flying first class once. I got lucky.

And then they were like, oh, yeah, you're upgraded. I'm first class. And on comes Michael Bolton. He was married to that star that was on, like, Jessica. Dallas. One of those shows. Yeah. So they come on. And

it's work flying to London and I just sit down I get my fucking headphones on them ready and they whip out their McDonald's right like nuggets and all the shit in first class and then they must have been like on some sleeping pills or something as soon as we took off

they fell asleep in the McDonald's the bag the shit was just rolling around in first class on the floor and stuff and it just smelled like fucking death you know like just foot smell like foot you know the onions and McDonald's like those onions grown like a radiation farm.

Like the onions at McDonald's. We eat the onions and McDonald's that have a different taste of them. And if they touch your skin, it's like getting fucking Hindu sweat on you. You'll never get that off. You know what I'm saying? It's like getting fucking disguised.

Something that you cannot describe what happens when you get no disrespect to Hindus. You know, I love you motherfuckers. When we were kids one time, it's a long story. But anyway, what the fuck are we talking about? The onions at McDonald's.

Yeah, yeah. So people don't know those dehydrated type onions week differently, even like White Castle. Like, you don't know what life is till you wake up in a room where they had White Castle. Like, he wasn't my roommate, he's my brother. And this motherfucker used to bring White Castle home and eat it. And I'd be sleeping.

And I'd wake up in the morning. And I'd look around that room and the smell between your pants and your shirt from the bar. Yeah. You know, because we grew up when people were allowed to smoke. Yeah. So when you walked into a bar, and they already had the smoke in it from the night before,

plus 80 people smoking a fucking cigarette. Even if you didn't smoke, you'd walk out of there next morning, hungoverly. You don't know what life is lead to. You're hungover. You get up, you're going to put your pants on. And you could smell the cigarette coming out of your pants. I used to hang my jacket in the garage. Guys, it's fucking horrid.

Thank God they stop smoking. in those places in the way. One part of me is like, you know what, man, I hate to be, I would, listen, why have a cocktail you can't fucking smoke a second? Right. You know what I'm saying? I'm looking out for the fucking guy

who goes out and does a bumper coke. I don't want to fucking leave. I've tried to do a bump to go outside to smoke. Yeah. I don't want to do that. That's annoying. That's fucking annoying. Especially if you get a little paranoid.

You're outside, like cops are out there now. When you're in a bar on Coke, you feel like you're in the submarine, like in a safe zone. I would wake up in that basement of, an apartment, had a little window for ventilation, and between his feet, my feet, the jeans, the shirt, and the white castle. Oh, God.

It was fucking horrid. Just a shit, Stu. He would get onion rings to really make it bad. Those fucking, you know, it's just all that stuff makes me sick. Yeah. So as I got stronger in my life, you know, I mean, I remember in Seattle, I went to call for a roommate situation. The girl I was dating was a fucking nightmare.

And one afternoon I go, you know what? Now I'm going to do this in the middle of the month. I got to stop what the fuck I'm doing to go look for an apartment with no fucking car. Wow. And I'm asking Josh Wolfer rides. I remember going to one place that was great. The only problem was the guy had like a great day and he

had shit everywhere in this fucking house. I'll tell how bad it was. As the guy was showing me the room in the corner that was a piece of shit and had dehydrated. from one of those nine-inch horse shits to like three inches. And he didn't pick it up before the roommate came over to a little chicken-out? Nothing.

And I said, you know what? That's fucking weird out there. And I go, you know what? Yeah, I'm moving. I like the place. It was really accessible to me. How was it? Something.

Something I went. I got my bags. I went over there. I put them down. This fucking room, this house. The more I walked east from that room, it got worse. Oh.

And worse. And it was like the people, the horse was pissing. Yeah. And they would let it sit there for three days and they'd pick it up. And finally I looked in the living room and sure enough, my suspicions,

there was a puddle of fucking piss that they had left. You know, I went, I got my bags, I think I called Josh Wolf. Yeah. And I go, Josh, you got to do me a favor. I can't live with this fucking kid. Why not?

And when I lived here in L.A., oh my God. When I moved here in L.A., I, Me and the girl broke up, and there's always one of those things. You break up, and now I've got to go to get a new pad. Yep. And some guy at the comedy stores that I kind of knew from the comedy store,

so I was like, man, me and my wife just broke up. This is the perfect room for you. I go, where is it? He goes, it's like on Vermont. Oh, yeah. And Moosecher or something. I go, what? He goes, yeah, you're going to love it.

Oh, my God. I get over there, it's one of those. We don't have air conditioning apartments. We just open the windows. Oh, fuck you. See, yeah. See you later. Can I even put it on up on the air conditioning?

I goes, no, the building's too old, so the thing will blow. That's why we had to take them all out. Wow. The circuits will blow, and he took me into the back room, and it was just fucking disgusting. Do they try to lie to you? Like, we opened in, there's a great circulation. Oh, they always say that. I remember a chick told me that when I first came here, I was in Silver Lake.

Place was blazed, and she goes, we get a nice cool breeze off the reservoir. It's like, what are you talking about? It's only 70 out right now, and I'm fucking burning up in here. No, no, no, no. At one point, I don't know what happened. I had a roommate up to 19 maybe. In the comedy game, listen, when you get here, when I first got here, I lived with a girl.

Then we broke up 80 fucking times. She was a dirty whore. Broke up 80 fucking times and got back together. So it was always a dilemma. So for a while, I just lived on Josh Wolf's couch. Yeah. And I threw them a little cash. I bought groceries from time to time.

You're a fucking feature act, bro. Yeah. You know, but in those days, was the $200 plane ticket to New York. Oh, yeah. 200 flat round trip league. Right now, 249, Virgin. I've been flying it nonstop.

249. I signed up for their, like, their notices, and they'll just hit me. Sail tomorrow for two hours. I'm grabbing these flights. 249. Round trip. Round trip, man. It was 249.

To Newark? No, JFK, dude. Come on. I'm flying from LAX to JFK on. Virgin twice now, 249. You get your number in, you register as a frequent fly? Yeah, just signed up as a frequent fly. Okay, so next time you fly, buy a ticket for 249,

and then tell them you want to upgrade to Main Cabin Select, not first class. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Main Cabin-Seltz. I saw it. It was like $49 to upgrade. You're crazy. Great, great, right? That's what the pimps will sit.

Fucking great. If you're a real pimp and you don't want to fly first class, you ain't got the pocket, you buy a cheap ticket at Virgin register. If you fly a lot, if you fly a lot, always look at Virgin's routes. It's great. Register, and then just buy the cheap ticket, and then the night before, 12 hours before. Yeah. Even if you've got to get up at 3 in the morning.

Who gives a fuck? You get up 3 a.m., boom, call them, and go, I want to upgrade to main cabin, select. What do you want? Give me an aisle window. Boom, that's a great bargain. It is, dude. You sit there, you don't get up one time. They give you quality food.

Oh. You press a button. There's movies. They got the killer lighting, that purple lighting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. guys always become a frequent fly on fucking virgin and you know what their flights are difficult sometimes for me yeah like i really wanted to take them to boston they only go to play like five places they wanted six 99 for boston wow oh i think they got my cookies lee because they were

1999 for first class whoa i always look at the regular ticket i look at first class to see what the differences. Delta wanted like seven and two. Some plane tickets are cheap. The weirdest thing was, I called Delta, and Delta had a plane ticket when I had to cancel fraudball. Yeah. But they reused it,

and they said, we found some other money, so the ticket is free, and we owe you a check for $13 to Boston. Wow. So I'm going to Boston for fucking 1-8. I don't know how I scored it. Wow. Until now, I think maybe they made a mistake, but now Delta don't make mistakes, bitch.

They don't make mistakes like that. It was too much of a mistake. So I keep checking it. That Virgin's great, man. They got a flight on their red eye is at 11.30 at night. It's great. One thing I like about Virgin is they only have a few places they're going. So their flights are never late.

You know, they show up. It leaves at 1130. So you get into New York at like 7.30 their time. In the morning? Yeah. the whole way. That is not a bad time to get into the New York. Not at all. It's perfect. Especially if you can eat breakfast at JFK.

That's what I do. Who the fuck you think you're dealing? Yeah, right? Because you're going to steam it out anyway. Yeah. Your luggage's going to take 45 minutes. Yeah. And your hotel's not going to be ready. No. 7.45, yeah. That's a long fucking wait for your hotel though. I know, but you know what?

I call ahead the day before to the hotel and I say, look, I got a meeting. I need an early check-in, man. Come on. And I'll give you a shout out on the podcast or whatever. One of the guys in New York was telling me that dudes tell the hotels, look, I got the big podcast. I give you a shout out or whatever.

It's all right. Yeah, early check-in. So I got a 10-30 check-in last week when I was there. And I was like, this is great, you know. I was only in a hotel one day and then Ari let me stay at his house while he was on the road. So it's just perfect. perfect run man you're living a good life now this is nice what you're doing oh you're 50 you're trying to become by coastal just listen you got to do what rie does just eliminate the winter in new

york that's what i'm done eliminate the winter totally you're coming you know because june is great new york yeah may is sensational oh april is tremendous september is brilliant oh i was there last week yeah october's brilliant oh october september in new york city are brilliant you can still move in light jacket once november comes and that cold weather and i know these guys it gets like warm in january joey it was 63 today's January bitch February still around the corner

motherfucker never fear room you know what I'm saying yeah yeah the snake lies coiled in naples you know what I did uh I was with my buddy Marcus Price who works for Hannibal and uh he had two Italian scooters mopeds the ones

with the wheels the 70s ones those crazy ones, you know, the pooks. And he said, yo, I know you love Coney Island. So it's Sunday, it's open. It's a 75 out. He goes, let's ride these out from Brooklyn. We rode from Brooklyn to Coney Island. Surface streets like a Beastie Boys video.

Just seeing all a Brooklyn pull up to fucking, to the cyclone, parked them, locked them up. Road this fucker two times. took some photos, got back on, and rode back in this perfect weather, and then did spots at the stand that night. I was like, this is fucking great. You know?

Like, life is good, man. You know, there's a couple parts to comedy, and I know that there's a couple parts to music. You know, I know that there were bands that went on tour for two years. Didn't stop touring and record it while they were on the fucking road. Then one day there's a thing called the Kid.

And you're like, listen, this is editing with or without me. You guys can keep going. Yeah. But I got to go home and make a pit stop for a few weeks and see the kids and whatever. And you really, you know, so there's three levels to this. At this point right now, let's pretend I lived somewhere like Tennessee where I had Terry's parents there all week and Terry was entertained with her sisters. And you know what I'm saying? I can leave for a couple of days.

I can leave. Let's do a Monday. Fuck it. I'm going on the red eye Monday night until I had 1130. do six on a Monday and get the fuck out of here and spend a week in New York. First of all, I would miss them too much at this point. Yeah, yeah. Like, I would miss, I like what's going on right now.

I like my road. I'll keep it. It's very simple. I'm not trying to kill myself. Yep. I'm not trying to prove nothing. You know, we were talking about ego before. We're talking about Roger Waters now.

Until this day, every time I see staying in an interview, I think, ah, he took one of the world's greatest band down because of your fucking ego. Yeah. And you think of, you know, Roger Waters is war with everybody. And I think about Mick Jagger. He's as egotistical as they come. Totally. But he's like, business is business, bitch.

Yep, yep. You know, business is business. Yeah. You know, and even in comedy, I've never let myself get into that dumb shit. I keep that out of the way, man. I took that out of the way as a young man. I got that shit out of the way, ego. There's no reason to have ego.

It's not going to fucking do nothing. for you, you know. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. I go on, I do some shit that, who gives a fuck, bro? Yeah. I'm just trying to be funny and have a good time. That's all I'm trying to do, too, man.

That's it. Yeah, that's why I'm doing New York a lot because, let me ask you something about this, Joey, because I don't get to talk to a lot of guys that work as much as you do, like, you know, Burr and Marin and you and guys like that. But I find that as I travel around, does this? happened to you where your stuff works a lot of the time but then you'll get to some rooms and your stuff's not working it's like medium laughs you know just the and somewhere around 30 minutes they're kind of out does that happen to you absolutely is that for headlining you mean yeah yeah

absolutely we've had discussions lea and i of what happens during a special yeah okay uh 20 years ago when you first started watching specials you took a ride with the special You took a ride, but always remember at about the 30 minute mark, shit starts coming into your mind. Where's my daughter? Yeah. Am I going to do the homework tonight? That's where all the other sensory shit comes into your mind.

Totally. And you disappear. Now it's up to the comic. You know, how many specials do you watch? Rate 10 specials. Yep. Whether it's Andrew Dice Clay, Delirious, take a George Carlin one. CK.

Take CK, take Pryor. At some point, no matter how funny it. they are, life comes back to you. The Coke wears off. Yeah, yeah. The joint wears off. Well, the comedy, you don't get sucked in anymore, the excitement. And somewhere for eight or nine minutes or ten minutes you lose them.

Now it's up to the comic. It's up to the comic. Now, what made it, listen, we all headline at the six-year mark. Yeah, that's where I'm at, right. Okay, but you say to yourself, you know what? I was pretty good as a headline. No, you're not? No.

Wait till you get to the 10-year mark and get a little bit better. And the 15-year mark. Yeah, the 20-year mark. Like, I tell people I didn't become a headliner for 17 years because I didn't become a headliner until four years ago. Yeah. And I'd been doing comedy 20-fucking year. I didn't become a true headliner where you have them.

And now you become a professional. You're a boxer. It's a 60-minute bout. Yeah. Okay. Which means I got to have endurance. I got to learn how to keep range in the fucking

this guy's dangerous between the fourth and seventh round that's why I start to taper off I got to get momentum again in the fucking eighth round you know what I'm saying so this is what becoming a headliner does yeah it teaches you went to be aggressive went to Bob and weave went to stay back make believe you're entertained

you just got them you're just playing a magic trick you see this right hand it's a magic tree he's looking for the you know what I'm saying yeah and then you beat them up again and that's it you get the fuck out of it yeah wow that was amazing no it really was it big closer yeah something to knock story in the middle yeah something to lullabym always make acknowledge to the waitress acknowledge 50 250 I just had two drinks in a fucking bag of nachos disgusting hummus yeah so that goes into your mind now how am i gonna figure this out yeah is this piece of pussy worth it what's this comic work that you know so now you got

another bump there. So you got about 12 minutes to fuck with them. Yeah. Now you open a can of whip ass, huh? And to be honest, that's what they're going to remember. Totally. The last.

The last. Yeah, the last. So it's pretty impressive. Getting there and getting that bob and weave, listen, for this special, I didn't know how to have a closer. Yeah, that's what you were telling me. I had to talk to them.

Yeah. I just talked to them. Why not? Why fuck around and give them something that ain't? Yeah. For a year and a half, I had a great closer. that got stronger and strong and stronger. But because I did it so much on the road,

I didn't want to be put it on a special. I felt like I would insult people if I had showed up with that fucking material. Wow. So I didn't do it. And even today on the road, I will hit you with 45 minutes of new material. Yeah.

But I used that clothes because it was a joke. We all had a great time from the podcast. A lot of people that start liking me is because of that story. They acknowledge that story. Right. Lee was Tony Bennettcock, Cuck, sucker. Lee dog

he's got shit to do on people to see fucking Dean Del Rizzi Ha ha Oh fuck spot if I won't let me play the song hold on Jesus Lee you're slipping You should have been on point with this is what I have it already but Watch the bag you're breaking people's earlo Oh shit sorry

These people are gonna complain fucking Dean Del Rizzi Fucked up my fucking earlo He grabbed the water Thanks for having me again man No we got to do you once a month. I was going to call Rainin. I forgot to call Mr. Bazio.

He's been doing a lot lately on Facebook. Yeah. He's got a little band going on. It's pretty impressive. Listen, yes, Lee, always gets me on a Monday, Cossackers. Four or five years

that we're doing this podcast. We stay consistent to Tony on a Monday. Tony Bennett. What do you think of dealing with Lisa? I am. Lee, how's that acid? It's going pretty good. You feel it?

I'm starting to. I feel. feel little chemicals in my stomach. Yeah. I feel like I had a fart. That first acid fart might take you. Acid fart. Lee's in much better shape this time than last time.

Oh, that was strong last time. Last time, Linda Blair came and visited him. His head was turning backwards. That was a lot last time. It was fun, though. That was just the first dose I gave. Oh, yeah, fun. We're going deep in 10 minutes.

So before that happens, I lose it completely. No, I'm just teasing. Before I lose it completely regardless, because we have a lot. Dean, you said you work construction. Yeah. I know Joey did too. There's their rebuild, they're building a place across from my house. They're building a new house, I don't know what it is.

Right. But it's pretty, I've gotten to see the whole process. Like they tore something down. They got the thing level. And then they've been building level by level. And it's, I'm not good at that. Yeah. And just like, normally I don't look at it.

But sometimes when I'm stoned, I look at it. I'm like, it's pretty cool to get to, like, see. like you're doing something like there you're building a house. I hated it, but it was the only job that you could have with long hair back. When I was young,

I was telling people this, there was three things. You couldn't go in Disneyland with long hair. There was a rule, like no men with long hair, like, you know, and you couldn't get a job. So it was construction

or landscaping or telephone sales. Those are the three gigs you could get with long hair. And, you know, the 70s, 80s, man. Now, like I always say, I don't even think I got enough tattoos to work at Chipotle now, you know what I mean? I remember when I

got one tattoo, my mom was like, you're never going to have a real job. And I was like, good. You know, and she was like trying to scare me. But I was like, now at Chipotle, they got a they got the menu on their neck. You know what I mean? It's like, holy shit, the world's changed, you know? But I

hated construction because it was like you had to get up at like five. Oh, yeah. I'm sure it sucks. I'm sure it sucks. I'm sure there's a lot of people who listen who work in construction. I'm sure it's not fun. A lot of people love it.

I mean, they take pride in their work. I'm sure it's very hard, but it's just cool to see the whole process. I loved it. I loved it. And the messier, the better. I was a stonemason in Aspen, Colorado. Up in high altitude, you get there.

You got to take a tarp off the brick and there's three inches of snow on it. You got to take the tarp off. the fucking concrete. You got to take a tarp off the sand that's held down by cinder blocks. All right. Then you got to get a bucket and turn that around

and you got to fucking get a machine and get that put gasoline in the thing. And then get that fucking started and that's what you hear. And then you get the hose. You throw it in there. You throw a fucking scoop of rocks in there. 16 scoops of rock.

A bag of 80 pound fucking concrete and fucking 16 scoops of sand and shit or whatever the fuck you're making. I'm sorry. No rocks. We throw like one thing of rock in, 16 scoops of sand and a bag of 80-pound concrete. And then once it was great and mixed fucking up there, three, three and a half minutes, you took it out with your hand. You gave it to the stone masons.

Then you had to empty it, make another one, empty that one, make another one. And while you are emptying, they get four wheel barrels and sand and shovel four fucking wheelbarrows. And then run them off for each stone mason, empty them and bring them back. and then have his fucking bricks cut up. So I would have to have the whole row of bricks for him, especially whether he was left-hand or the right-handed, all set up for him with his tools. Yeah.

All right, I would have to have that, like, let's say the job started at eight, I would have to get that at 7.30 and do all that. I was a lone warrior. Like a pre-med... 19 years old, stone to the gills. Yeah. With a fucking walkman on,

with those thick speakers with the cushies. Oh, yeah, yeah. With a fucking hooded sweatshirt, a hat, a fucking winter jacket gloves with the fingers cut out some Judas priest going and I go out there every morning start up all that shit

and then Lee why are you doing all this you still got to build scaffold so you're building scaffold for the other side you're cleaning off all the rocks you don't want ever in your life want something to go Joey more mortar cocksucker that's embarrassing to a guy like me

you shouldn't have to tell me to do fucking mortar so the mortar always has to keep coming You're always scooping. You know, you're looking at the end of the day, you've picked up 30 bags, 80 fucking times. When I did that with roofing, the only thing that made me quit construction was money all the time.

Money, at the end of the week, you looked at it and you said, you know what, I helped a bid. Now, 30 years ago in this country, you learned to trade, Lee. Totally. So once I grabbed you, the first year was going to be $8 an hour.

But after the first year, I give you 12, 15, you know what I'm saying? You get some tools. and the more you show me is the more I show you. If you want to come to work and pick a paper, then come to work and pick a paper. Good luck. But if you're going to come to work and go,

boss, can I put that TV up to there with fucking Dean? Yeah, put it up. You're just saving me 800. I can throw you an extra yardstick. You follow me? Yeah. That's how you make money. And you get in there and lay the brick

and learn how to do that. There were schmucks that, they'd be giggling. Man, last night, that was a great party last night. What are you talking about? about you need wages here and you're behind those talking of bricks smoking cigarettes of this idiot talking about twisted citsa yeah what to get in there go pick up those bricks you're dirty cock fuck fuck yeah i got that i was framing it was piecework so you got paid by how many fucking

sticks you put up man you know what they pay in those days for that fuck i can't remember but i think it was around 30 an hour you could make you know if you were fucking moving your ass and And we had a team, four of us. So if one guy was lacking, the other dudes would be on you, like, what the fuck are you doing? You know, because they were only there to make money. And if you were just like slow, you know, because we're like, we'd be going as a team and we're building condos. So it would be four of us. And we're building this whole section of these condos.

And, you know, and the faster you work, the more money you made. And to me, man, most of the times I'd be hung over, played gigs the night before. 14-hour day. You didn't give a fuck, man. Anything to fuel that addiction? Oh, yeah, man. Anything the few of that? I did that.

I remember being 18 and committing a crime. And the rumor was they were looking for me. So my friend Kurt Di Lorenzo, God bless his soul, took me down to a glass barrel. And I lived with him for like six weeks. And after three days, you know, motherfuckers like us, we got to get out of the house. Yeah. And the first thing I saw... When people are looking for you, you have to get out of the house?

I was two hours away from my house. where the action was. Who was that going to... Pre-internet. Yeah, this is pre-internet. People didn't go past a couple blocks. I was going to bump into the deal. Let's take a picture.

Go fuck yourself. You know, you put on the hooded sweatshirt. You kept walking. Oh, my God. I'd rob somebody. Something happened. This was like, uh, this was before we didn't. No.

This was after Colorado. No, no, no, no. I'm lying to you guys. This was before the jury store. I robbed a drug deal. And they were looking for me. So like for about a couple of weeks, I just went down to Philly.

Yeah. Everybody kept asking me, what are you doing in Philly? Going to college. I wasn't going to college. I was living on Kurt's couch, watching TV, smoking great dope,

eating cheese steaks, lifting weights with this kid, having a great time. I don't even know what the point of the fucking story is. And I, oh, after three days, you know, you sit there, the Coke wears off.

The bullshit wears off. You know, you're staying at somebody's house as a guest. He's cool as shit. But you're not going to ask, for 20 bucks to get weed or the eat. So you've got to make a living, you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

I said, let me get up and walk around and see what's happening. And I bumped into these dudes that had a conveyor belt and they were looking up at the sky. It was the coldest day of the fucking year. And these savages are looking up at the sky and they're putting 80-pound rolls of roofing. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The tar paper.

The tar paper. Yeah. And I just happened, you know, me, I'm an asshole in heat. I go up to the guy and I go, hey, man, you guys. looking for help and he goes what can you do like I could do this yeah and he goes are you that strong I go look at me I'm a fucking 19 I'm an animal yeah and he goes I'll pay you 12 an hour or 75 a day it was really weird I go fuck yeah yeah he goes when do you want to start I go let me go back and get some work boots I'll be right there in those days work boots was my main shoe that's

how I kicked windows yeah right I didn't have a hammer or nothing for about four days he made me do that shit it was a nightmare Just pick up rolls off a truck, put them up there. This was a huge roof. This roof went on for days. And the guys on the roof I felt sad for because they had to get a truck, put the rolls on it,

and then carry it on the length of a football field. Because you couldn't go back there with the trucks. It was something real weed. It was trees or something. You could not go back there. So they wanted to start the roof back there and work themselves this way. So they're walking with the 80-pound rolls?

Walking with the 80-pound fucking rolls on a truck, three of them pushing like fucking slaves. It was a horror show. Then I got promoted to Up there. Up there wasn't bad if you took the thing off the roll. Yeah. And you put it on, let me tell you some, I lost 15 pounds of baby fat in two fucking weeks.

And I got a little money and you ate with guys and you bought lunch. Did I see a future in it? That's what scared me going, I got to do this one. I'm 50. All right. Come pull up with my truck with a warm cup of coffee. Yeah, because you always see the foreman.

And you can see him, they're like, oh, hey, Dean, grabbed up for me. And you're like, that guy's body is destroyed. Destroyed. Destroyed. And listen, it's how this country got built. Totally. I have nothing against them. I just, I did the electrical trades.

I did fucking, every type of construction from fucking, I got a job once spraying buildings with that shit. Oh, the fucking stucco? Yeah, the stucco. They paid. I did that for about two weeks. I did everything. You know what I did, man? And I actually kind of liked this one.

I did it for about three years. The giant mower, driving the mowers for like, you know, condo lawns and football fields. And it was commercial landscaping. But it wasn't putting them in. It was maintenance. So I, in the morning, put the fucking the thing on my truck. It was amazing. Like, I didn't know how to do any of this stuff.

The guy hires me. And I'm out driving a truck with a trailer on the back. You know, you got to learn how to drive that shit. You know, it's opposite. And then get somewhere and mow this fucking massive field, you know, and the sun and then load it up and go do another one. I did that for a few years, man. And I liked that because I was by myself, just like you walk.

man you know I loved all that shit yeah I got a job once summer doing that shit where you they call it landscaping but it's really excuse me it's really uh digging eight inches and putting a pipe and when holes in the peripheral pipe I forget what it's called don't don't be mad at me construction guys and I did this all over Aspen they were building something I can't remember what it was and this guy was paying me great like irrigation lines you put in but it was small pipe like I don't remember what it was two inch three inch three inch four inch perforated pipe it's called so the water leaks out of it

is some shit and at first the guy at that time everybody paid you 10 up in Aspen he started me at like 12 and he shot me up to 15 and he goes listen do you mind if I leave you alone and I'll look what do I need you here for watch me do what dig

and go all the way down the block with this pipe all day I got a walkman I got a bag of reefer yeah and I got breathmints I can be here all fucking day I'll be here from 6 a.m. When you're that young, what do you give a fuck? Totally. I did everything in those years.

Everything. I tried everything. Wallpaper. I couldn't get that in my eye, that cocaine eye I got, the drifter. Yeah. My right eye drifts is between the stroke and the cocaine and the fucking early youth. I couldn't hang the wallpaper straight. I mean, I did it all.

I was painting. I painted for a year. I painted. I liked that. I liked that. Again, leave me alone for three hours. Give me a thing. I got the best job I had was a snowmast village.

for VPN, village property management. My friend said that they would hire people to do piecework at your own rate. They would give you a list, your own personal list, and you would look at it, and on it, it would be like $900 worth to work. Yeah. So it was up to you.

When did you want to pick up the fucking check? They had the paint in front of the apartment. Oh, yeah, there was going tape. So I would do the same thing on Saturdays and Sundays. I would fucking do that, but case other joints. That's when I was a burglar. Yeah. I know the fucking motivation.

of the people when they left when they came back because all the apartments were together so i was there for like two weeks i would watch watch watch watch watch make little notes and shit and after the paint job finished boom i'd hit them about a week later nobody knew nothing because if you hit them while you're there they know it's you oh yeah yeah yeah you're eyeballed them while you're painting them yeah yeah i knew they had a back door they had a cat whatever the fuck they had i knew lee how you're feeling over there i'm feeling nervous about any worker i see now my apartment oh yeah yeah always you know what you know what i had. I think this job got me this job got me into

performing was I was sell magazine subscriptions in front of supermarkets and they pay you by how many you could get. So me and my buddy were there and people would be walking up and be like hey man we're running half off on magazines right now and you just show them this far pamphlet and had like every mag on the planet

TV guide, people, fucking you know us magazine, Rolling Stone, spin, everything. And you get guys to buy. It was so absurd in front of grocery stores for like five hours. A van would just drop us off. And then come pick us up. How many you get? I sold 20 of them, you know.

You got 20? Oh, this motherfucker was we could sell anything. Yeah. Lee, once we get the rhythm to something, you're dead. Yep. You're dead. And I knew how to spot certain people. I, once, I was always a construction guy.

I was a construction guy until about 1984. Then I dabbled their bartending. Yeah. And then that, I don't know, there was something about bartending that bothered me deep down inside. I got to be honest here. I always thought it would be a dream of mine to open up a bar and serve cheese steaks and have my leg on the ice machine. Archie's play style. And I'm like, that's just, I don't want to listen to that.

I don't want to be in that. If mom, then somebody introduced me to sales. Well, the first time I got introduced to sales, really, was on my own when you sell newspaper ads. When you're delivering newspapers door to door. I think that's the first time I got knock on people's door and go, let me ask you a question. You only get Sunday. Why can't they give you the whole week and save you $2 a month?

You know, and you're like, okay. Can you bring it up my stairs? If you bring it up my stairs, I'll buy it right now. Okay, done. And that was it. I made a note on the fucking thing. Bring it up the fucking stairs. You're 12.

Paper route. A paper ride. You learned how to sell, but you didn't know the baby. You weren't no fucking Luke Feldman. No. You're not selling the ABCs are selling. Yeah. And then somewhere,

I don't think cars was the first thing I sold there was something before cars I sold and I always thought it was interesting but I always thought we were a ripple I always thought sales was a ripple well sales it's really weird to me about sales like you sold cars I sold Harley Davidson's

and everyone thinks you're lying to them so after a while you start feeling like am I like a piece of shit here? Yeah, I mean, because they're like, come on, man. I know you're fucking, you know, you could do. Every time they think that you're getting totally rich on this last deal, and they think that like you're no matter what, no matter what you do, they think this guy's ripping us off.

I swear to God, isn't it crazy? Like sales, because you got to be a little bit like hustling, you know, of course, to get somebody to buy. I've never seen a guy just walked in and go, you know, the red one. one's great and they go all right and they sign up you have to be like i like red because fucking you know it just shines it looks great or whatever and and when you give him that then they're like this guy's full of shit it's so weird sales right well it's not that you're a bull there's people who are out there and they they're pieces of shit when i sold cars i actually took offense to those

kind of salesmen they're just pieces of shit they cheat on their wines oh yeah the people come in They sell him a car. They hit on the guy's wife. And then two months later, they disappeared. We had this conversation there about a guy named Rick Viss. The guy I learned from that he still at the same fucking dealership. Yeah. Since 19, fucking 87.

Wow. And now he's making millions over there, and he don't do shit. He sells cars by appointment. Wow. Everybody thought they had them all those years. But it's so weird, like, well, I'm going to tell you what I learned selling that changed my life. Yeah. Well, I sold sports information on the phone.

Sports information? Like a bet stuff? Like tips? In 1991, 1989, 89, 90, I worked at a car wash as a salesman. When you came in, hey, Dean, what's going on today? Listen, Dean, today I got the special. Yeah. Give me $9.95, I'll take care of everything.

Throw me an extra $2 and I'll do armor of all. And I made a commission. And it was a tremendous living. It was a tremendous living. You want me to tell you something? That was a great living for me. Yeah. If I didn't become a fucking thief there, partner up with the cash register shit,

I would have probably still been there. Yeah. Because legitimately, legitly, I was making $300 a day there. Yeah, that's fucking great, working 9 to 3.30. Yeah. Come on. And that kind of money. Not even bending over.

They didn't even vacuum a car. Yeah. I didn't even vacuum a car. I stood out there with my jacket on with my sunglasses, getting the fucking sun. I would take them off to look at people. and I go here and I made it real casual. Yeah.

You can buy the basic for $4.95. What are, your fucking mutt? Nah. They come in and I go, uh, listen to special. I was always selling $9.95, but $7.95, no interior. Yeah. In fact, give me $6.95. Let's do no, because I still got the same commission.

As long as I sold it, I got the same commission. It didn't matter what I sold it for a dollar. It cost them $0.25. Yeah. What do they give a fuck? Sometimes I negotiate that way. Listen, what is the armor roll? $3.00, give me, $0.

fucking a dollar. Give me a dollar. A dollar, okay? Yeah. And make sure you tip the fucking guy. You know, that wasn't what made me a settlement. Out there, I met these dudes.

I would meet these dudes. And they all had nice cars. And they were all from New York, Long Island, New Jersey area. And they would always go, hey, how you doing? After two or three times, we become friendly. Where are you from? Oh, here. Pizza.

This. Same bullshit. They were nice guys. They weren't involved in drugs. And I started asking them, what do you guys do? And they're like, we work up the corner at this fucking place and we give out sports information. It's great job, man. These guys were making banked.

Wow. And after about a year, I bumped into one of them. They go, hey, man, we've been looking for you. You want to come in for an interview? And I went in, I went into the trainee program, and it changed my whole life. It changed my whole life. It changed my whole sales life.

Your style? Did they teach you something? Brilliant. Yeah. Brilliant. This was something that these guys were basically street thugs that were intelligent, that got a pitch and made a science behind it. Right. I didn't do that I like their style.

The two guys I worked for were brothers. I really enjoyed them. Their partner really bothered me. Their partner was in Long Island or whatever. He was a fucking douchebag. Right. But these two guys I worked for were sincere. I really liked them.

And they just taught me stuff that blew my mind. That today I use. I use in my regular life. And I think back to them. My relationship with these guys didn't end too good. And it was all a misunder fucking standing, you know? Right. And there's a guy from that group that helped me out a lot that I wish I could hunt them down and repay them some of the money I owe him.

But it was just a weird time in my life. But these guys broke sales down to me, Dean Dahlroyd, down to a fucking. science. Wow. I was maybe 30 years old and they reprogram me until today, as Lee. Lee, when I tell you to go pick up the 15 grand, Lee looks at me with his mouth open, that's what these guys taught me. They taught me like, you know, Dean, what is the Florida Impro Paying? You know, we $1,200, grab the fucking phone, you know? And all of a sudden this guy calls and all and he's getting you $3,000. And you're like, what the fuck? Is that?

Wow. Did I leave 1800 on the table? Or is this guy a good fucking salesman? Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? How are they, how are their tactics different? Like, it was a science. Yeah.

It was a science, and you had to be a fucking, knowing what I know now today, I could disappear and do 100 grand a year probably. Wow. My friend Danny B., who's called into the show, he probably does. 200 grand, 300 grand a year probably doing this. Wow. But he works. Selling sports tips.

Betting bits. Talking to people, getting information, paying for information. Yeah. Getting information. What is information, Joey? Information is little fucking things, okay? There was a fight I watched recently. And I liked the way the turnout ended.

I didn't complain about it. But somebody told me recently that the guy lost that bad because he, on the weight cut. He passed out twice. Wow. One time he passed out for so long to actually thought about calling an ambulance.

Wow. That's not good when you're fighting. No. If you know that information, how much did you pay for that? Yeah. You pay $5,000, but now you've got to find somebody so you can make $50,000.

Right, right. That's the secret. Now, are there people scamming out there? Yeah. There's people who are running game and running beats poured degenerate gamblers down. Listen, the degenerate gambler and the shit I was doing for 27 years

Snort and Coke has no differences at all. You're just robbing, stealing, claw, and the fucking get your adrenaline fucking going. That's all this. It's two different fucking eyes, but the same cat. You know what I'm saying? It's the same magician but two different tricks. So it's amazing how he

attacked him. He had a TV show that came on Friday night. Like public access Yes. Four guys. Me, you, Lee Syatt, and we get Theo Vaughan in here. Yeah.

And Theo Vaughn and you and me and Lee Syatt just argue. And talk about this weekend in sports. Well, last weekend, what did you make last weekend, Dean Delaware? Joe Deerevan. Seven grand, man. Last week, while you were at home jerking off with your baby and your wife, you know, when I worked down, college football, I rate down $225,000, okay? And that was net, and I put in six power moves.

And I went six for seven, you know. Yeah. I bet every team for $2,000 scientifically. There was one bet I made for all the money I made the day before. You just have a spiel. Yep. At least I asked you to do and eat. Listen, fuck you, last week, and I made $300,000.

Where the fuck were you, motherfuckers? I won power play. I had the Atlanta Falcons getting four points. And I sit on there. And all of a sudden, we just sit there and you give out your 800 number. Yeah. Dean D'Oray is here. He went four for four.

Call me now. Let me give you the same topics I have. People are fired up. He's got some fucking winning. So now, here you go. You call up. You're the kiss of death. You can't pick a winner.

It's your mom's birthday next week. You told you'd take it to a Ruba. You still haven't purchased the ticket. The last time you checked, it's three Gs. Your mother's dying of cancer. The chemo's killing her. You told that you'll have the money. And all of a sudden, you're down two Gs.

You got $1,200 in the bank. And you got $700. the ATM card and you got a card that's wide open with 50,000 cash that you have to come up with a code to fucking snap. Well, guess what? Just give us the card. We'll get the code. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah.

Take that card to the Mirage in Vegas. They'll have the code like that for you. Within minutes, they'll have that fucking code. Man, I'm so glad I was never a gambler. That shit will take you. That's why women are going nuts with gambling now. There's casinos and whatnot.

So now you call me and go, hey, How you doing? I just saw your ad on TV. Yeah. And it says if you, I call in right now, you'll give me the free pick. All right. What'd you bet last week, Dean? What's your name?

Dean, Dean, how are you doing, Joey? I'm not one of the advisors. I'm just going to talk to you about something. What did you bet last week, Dean? I lost $300. That's what I lost. I only bet $10 a game. You're bullshit.

Yeah, yeah. And all of a sudden, they gave you a number. That's the end of your phone. Don't ever think you're going to recover that phone ever again. Yeah. These are real old school Jews. Yeah. They will call you every minute of the fucking day in the middle of whatever the fucking

dude. Hey, you ever called in, man? It looks like 49ers, you know. No. So you're like, okay, so why am I giving you this number? Because the guy's going to call you back with your free pick. Why can't you give it to me? Because I don't fucking know it.

Just give me the goddamn number. You're down money. You want to win some money, right? Yeah. Give me the fucking number. 3, 2, 3, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4. All right. call me back, that's it.

You just signed your debt warrant. You might as well gave us your Social Security number. That is like, that phone number is debt. Yeah. Debt, especially until they, I can't even imagine what they could do for you with the Google and the emails and the Facebooks. I will fuck your world up until you call me back. You understand me?

Every time you look at your Facebook will be a message with me with a big dick. Even if you blocked me, I'll have 18 different accounts. I'm paying a guy, 500 a week. just to open up fake accounts. Coming out you with Digpitch. Yeah, you're going to have to take care of. You're going to have to get rid of your Facebook page with your 1,200 pictures of you with Led Zeppelin,

smoking dope with Rickley Rackman at the fucking Viper room. You're going to get rid of all those pictures. But fuck, now, you're going to hold on to Dillard. So you better answer me the fuck back eventually. That's how it works. Once you give me your phone number in that business, because there's what happens. I call you back.

How you doing, Dean? Hey, great. Listen, can I get my free pick, Dean? Listen up for a second. I work for is Lisa. You ever hear Lisa? No, you haven't. He's a real estate mogul. This guy made his money in the 80s, selling oil.

He took it over to ARABville and he came back with fucking billions. Now he's bored and he's gambling. So he's bought a piece of these fucking society, these reps, coaches, trainers. He's on the inside. He's on the inside. He tells you what's going on. For example, last night we made what? Letty, what we made last night?

$82,000 boss, $82,000 on one fucking move. What did you make last night? Obviously you didn't make that. You're calling me because you're a fucking loser. Okay, Dean Delray. Do me a favor. Tonight I got a fucking pick that's going to make your fucking eyeballs pop up. What's Delray? What nationalities Del Rey? What is that? What is that? What are you? Irish? What are you? Yeah, man. I'm Dutch. Okay, listen, Dutch, boy, fucking paint.

I'm going to make you so much fucking money tonight. You're going to hire 12 of those little white faggots to paint your fucking house, all right? Now, do me your favor, Dean. Grab your card. I'm going to start off with $300. I'm going to start you off $300 to you make $3,000. Okay, don't bug me after that, because after I got to charge you a little more. All right, grab your card. How do you want to pay me, Dean? Just my card. It's fine. Oh, great. Boom. I got a fucking great. Blaine, you got to put resistance on me, Dean. You got fucking, you know, go, I don't know, let me think about it and call you back. Are you sure I'm going to win? I told my mother was on taking the fucking Aruba next weekend. And I just dig into you.

And I will call you. Now, even after I call you and get you to pay me to $300, no matter what happens, even if we lose $1,000, I go into you like nothing happened. Yeah. Listen, I need another. You were supposed to lose that $1,000 so you can get this next to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, I mean, they milk you to death. And now once you tell me to go fuck myself, I don't call you. I just give this to a pay, a room next to me. The guys, because we have 18 guys working for LeSaiac Construction Company. Yeah. But 16 of them, a superstar. And the other 16 of them are fucking Joey Diaz's advantage sports. Yeah.

So that fucking lead goes to two other companies. And then once we get finished with it, guess what we do? We give that same number of fucking 20 companies across the country for 50 cents on the dollar. And on that information, I already got your Amex. I got your visa card. I got your fucking Dinus Club. It really is amazing what I learned. What people, vulnerable people, will fucking go.

give you. That's radical. How fucking bosses at corporations would have their secretaries, why I mean money with their visa cards? Because they couldn't have their wives find out from their corporate account. Jesus. Just the fucking craziest shit you've ever heard. Gambling, man. Gambling

is the devil. Everything is the devil. Totally. Music, dick. Yeah. Drugs. Yeah. Everything. Scientology. Everything's the fucking. Lee's the devil. Lee, what are you thinking about two tacos? Karnitas right now? Lee is the devil. right now. They gave me something. Look at Paul Lee. Jesus Christ. Lee, 600 milligrams

are still 10. Look at this, Lee. You gamble at all? I love gambling. Yeah? Yeah, you got to watch. What are you into? I like blackjack. Blackjack? Lee's a freak and he's the kiss of death too. No, no, you're the kiss of death. You walked away. I love I like how fast he was. No man, you are you

walked away? He uses the same story against me and I still stand that I'm right. I was started away. He gave me money. He staked me very nice, thank you. And then I started winning. He walked away. No, walk away. When someone's winning, you do the same shit you're doing. I want you to be

a man's man. I want you to be your own man. I don't understand. The rabbit's foot fucking fell off. I didn't know it was your fucking rabbit's foot. You just got shit. You got to stay there. Who told you to move? Yeah, that's what I would say. Who told you know? That's pretty interesting that

you're attacking comedy like you, listen, man, it's all of all this shit, man. It's just a journey. It is. It's really a journey. And if you're looking to make money, get out of it now. If you're looking to become a millionaire, be on the cover of something, get out of it now.

If you're just looking to do your journey and pay for your bills and sustain yourself, how happy you are. You figure out how to get insurance, you know. I mean, we came in a time when we're very fortunate. People in America today can't get very hard for them to get any fucking type of insurance. Totally. I got that sag. insurance and I remember when I got and like

why does deep pain the ass people keep sending me letters yeah you know like I thought it was inconvenient I didn't need insurance I was invincible I was never going to need insurance this fucking fucking weak people fuck that insurance does good now

that shit is God so it's just uh I tell you Joey it's it's so funny because I'm coming up in about three weeks will be seven years it's gone by so fucking sobriety part of it.

Just, I'm saying, doing comedy. Oh, comedy. Yeah, I've been doing comedy seven years and three weeks here. I told, what was it? It was December 6th. It's the first time I went out stage. So like a month away. And I think about how fast seven years have gone by

and how much fun I've had. And all these new friends I have. You know what I mean? Well, you've impressed a lot of comedians with your heart. and you're very kind and you're very sweet, you know, like these fucking egotistical guys that you already saw a taste of life when you got involved with comedy.

Yeah, yeah. So you've been doing comedy seven years right now at this point? Yeah, seven years. Wow. I didn't know Dick. I thought I was the king. I had booked a pilot for CBS, and Taco Bell commercial,

and I had a role in basketball. And I thought I had the answer. And I had this pilot at CBS. and I thought the pilot, they blew smoke up everybody's ass. It was the guy who got the money. They paid them $3 million to direct the fucking series. Why would they pay somebody

if they're not going to pick up the fucking show? CBS didn't pick it up. But I was at the store dying in Dendari. In 98, I was at the store getting a beaten from Dom Herrera, A.J. Jamal, A.J. Jamal. was his fucking day.

Wow. AJ Jamal was a black kid that was very cleaned with dreadlocks. Yeah. And he went up there and they fell in love him so much. King Kong couldn't fucking follow him.

Wow. It was weird. And she would give me two spots on the weekends, one in the fucking main room following Dom Herrera to die. Yeah. And then I'll have to creep over

and follow AJ Jamal in the original room. Just two funerals? Two funerals for the same fat fuck. At that point, that I had the coke already waiting for me so I could just grow in the bathroom cry and snort. But right after the fucking original room. Seven years in?

Seven years in. I was struggling, man. Dying. I remember I signed with a manager and he sent me to Jacksonville, Florida, the headline. Yeah. And between you and I, it wasn't ego.

I looked down on him. I looked down at this club when I walked in there. For some reason or another, I just sent a, I'm not into this club. And I walked in and I looked at the schedule and I go, holy shit, this is a real club. Oh, yeah, you saw people who...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw people out of L.A., people been in movies, and I go, holy shit. And I went up there and I started dying. Oh, no. On the 35-minute mark. Oh. Because I lose 15 minutes with the regional shit.

Yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You lose 15 minutes with the regional shit. I was at the grove. Boom, gone. All that material. The one 70, the Armenians, the fucking, the furniture stores in North Hollywood.

I was just talking to Ari about that, you know. You lose all that shit, you know. So right away, you have 35 minutes and here you are in this fucking city. You're trying to look for this fucking Booker who's going to be there Thursday night, by the way. Then he's going away. And you're up there at the 35 minute mark. And you're starting to improvise. Yeah.

You're improvised. So what do you guys do for a limit? It's a fucking slow debt. So nobody could fucking tell me nothing about comedy. I got here when, 90s, what are we, 216, right? Yep, coming to an end. I got to look at this poor bastard. I got here in 2007.

In 207, 97. And that first year, I signed with a manager. I booked the pilot for CBS. I started going on the road a little bit. As an MC, I was on the road. Right. But I had a manager. who was a booker at creative entertainment of North Carolina.

There's something else now. They booked Charlotte now. Have you been to Charlotte? No. I was in Durham, North Carolina, with Burr a couple weeks ago. That's a theater, though. Yeah. This is a club in Charlotte.

Gotcha. It's a great fucking club. It's been there forever. Still there. They run it. But they have the room with the Bermuda. So they booked Jamaica. If you want to go to Jamaica and do comedy, they book it.

It's $300 a week. $300 a week. And they fly, you're down, man. All right, and you're there for two weeks. You bring your family, but you're getting $300 a week. Oh, man, I'm good. The MC gets like $2.50. Well, 22, me.

And you can't curse, you can't do nothing like that. Yeah. They'll wish you're right off the fucking island. Oh, yeah, that's no good for me. It's the weirdest thing. Yeah. Comedy is, you know, it's, it's, uh, I, I was talking to a friend of mine on a car ride up. by headlines Friday night in Fresno.

And, you know, you spend all these years doing the feature spot of 20, and 20 is just crushing. And you got to watch out because you can get a little fucking delusional. Like, man, I'm fucking, I'm getting good here. But that's nothing. It's the hour of going out and headline, and that's a whole different fucking art. A whole different animal. So what you do is. is you book yourself in C rooms.

Yeah. You've got a list of fucking Crooms. And you tell them, listen, I'll take, what you do, and you do this for yourself. It's not for the dough. You're going to break even. Right. You're going to, because they're going to give you $800 for the week.

Okay. And that's all they do. Sorry. Yeah. If Jesus came in here, we do $800 for the week. We know our audience. We do $10 tickets on Saturdays on $12.50 on Sunday. You know what I'm saying?

Yep. There's towns like that. It's a C-room. It's just, what are you going to do? Nobody goes there anymore, but you're going to go there. You're going to go there from scratch and do that once a month, but train yourself to do 70. 70.

Even if you're lullabiding them. Oh, Jesus. Even if they're fucking falling asleep in front of you. You're getting that ice in the blood. Even if they heckle you and go, what is this going to end? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All that shit. That's where you really cut your thief.

Yeah. Because that's how I cut. my teeth the people yelling hey man what the fuck you know who heckled me one time who rogan yeah i was bombing so bad at the store and rogan heckled me in the very beginning wow i didn't talk to him for like a month but i go he had every right to heckle what did he say i'm in the back there and i'm throwing these fucking fucking curveballs that i think are brilliant yeah at the store i got 11 o'clock spot the room is filled yeah filled people coming in to watch and i'm on stage dying.

And after eight minutes, I go, boy, this is killing me. And all of some rogue was in the back and he goes, it's fucking killing me. Oh. And the room started laughing. And after that, there wasn't one bit of fucking there was not a fucking

line of funniness after that. Wow. Oh, man. You're just like, oh. My God, I was embarrassed. Oh. You know? I mean, you just bomb, man. Yeah. I just bombed for the first special.

The first show, I thought I bombed. Oh, on the first episode? Oh, I couldn't keep it together. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I started doing old jokes and backpedaling, and then once you lose the war, you just tap out.

You hope that the second show goes a lot better, and you go back to technique, and you go back to what you've learned and what you're strong with, and that's exactly how it worked out. What happened? Do you think you took the first show lightly, like I got this? No, let me tell you what I did?

Yeah. No humanity. Sometimes, man. I go on stage and I want to be somebody else I want to appear to be like Seinfeld But that don't work for me I gotta be able to fuck you are You always have to be able to fuck you are in your life

Leave was I not me in the second show It was a and everyone thought Everyone was like oh good Joe good show But yeah the second show was amazing It was just something that it's 25 years Yeah that's it this is what we do Yep I was sitting there for three hours stool

And I heard Willie And Willie going, you know what, Joe, you're a good story telling. And I said, you know what? I came out there fucking throwing heat. Let me do something different for the second. I went out there and said, may I say a story? And I just told the story. Who the fuck knows what the fuck the story was?

And then from there, I took it into the set. And now you show humanity. They know what time it is. Yeah. You know, it was just sometimes in you. That's why I didn't like doing blow all those years. That's what frustrated me the most about snorting cocaine and trying to do stand-up comedy that no matter how good the material was while I was doing blow,

that fucking fury would never unleash. Yeah. That fury at the comedy store that I unleash sometimes. I know it's only 18 minutes, and I have a heart attack. It's not going to be, I only got six minutes to walk out until I could die on the fucking parking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I go strong in the club. I know I got an hour up there.

You know, you get all fired. Well, I've been ready, man. The face gets purple and shit. You know, so you fucking go off. You know, you're really feeling this joke right now. Yeah. You're really feeling the story. So at the store, you go up there.

You got to give it everything to fuck. You got some time. I always do, man. And I don't take that place light at all. No, no. And you're going to bomb. Everybody fucking bombs, man. No matter what, you do, you bomb.

If you're a contractor one day, I'm going to come in and go, today I got to do a bunch of shit. I'm fucking the secretary today. Can I leave you here alone? Sure enough, there's going to be two things you're going to fuck up. He's going to go, I knew I should have left you alone. Yeah. And you're going to feel shitty about it, but you know what?

You're going to learn a lesson. And he's going to bust your balls all the time. Yeah. You know about it. Lee, how are you feeling over there? You're all right. You're seeing things? I got to go.

I'm off to the store. Very nice. I mean, wait, hold on. I'm not seeing, like, almost things yet. Almost things yet. What kind of things you're seeing, Cucksuck. I love me to go. I'm seeing almost things yet.

What a shame. We had John tonight. We didn't even talk about music. It's all right, though. Last time we played videos, we fucking play videos. We hit people fucking hard. It's all right, though, because sometimes, you know, I mean, it's just organic. That's why I like to come on here.

It's wherever it goes. It goes. Seven years, I am so proud of you. Thank you, man. Three or four reasons. Number one, you're a sweetheart of a guy. You're never showing up for a handout. You're always.

always do the work. You don't mind doing the work. Listen, I'll ride a bicycle to the gig if I could open up for you. Totally. You're very, you want to do this. You're at an age that a lot of people don't think of doing dick. You're at a lot of people. A lot of people go, let me just go to Subway and

steam and out until I get social with 55 and shit. We're both at that age where we could have tapped out a while and go still. I don't want to tap out ever. I never went to the government to help. Right? My mom didn't come here to fucking put me on free fly. I'd rather rob you it before I go get free fucking.

I just worked all my life, you know what I mean? I can't imagine not working, you know, and like comedy is just like... Well, listen, you didn't also start this when you were 23. Yeah. Which meant that you were at the bar. There was a hangout. I'll go back with red band and drink though eight in the morning. Yeah, yeah.

This is business. Yeah, yeah. This, at one point, and whatever you're doing in your life, you party and you cut corners and you get away with little things. but to see the big picture in any career in any fucking career whether it's real estate it's when you put your full focus

yeah you know and you could do the math yourself you're not ignorant look at the time when you've been sober and you've done your work and look at the time my work is fucking tremendous I mean I always had a great work ethic but no matter what the 90% on my mind was how I was in the score

that next rock that night yeah exactly that was always a little bit more important to be funny. Once I scored the rock, then I can be funny, Jack. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Now it's a different fucking ballgame. I don't have that enigma in front of me anymore. I don't have to wake up to that. I wake up to being funny or writing this today. So, dog, seven years, you're doing great things. You're fearless. I've never heard you complain. You're fearless, which, listen, any fucking career is the number one thing. That's it. Plain and simple, fearless. I'll fucking go down there on Sunday.

That's why I know there's a lot of I don't even volunteer for no more because it's Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So no, man, keep doing what the fuck you're doing.

You're out there. Thank you, man. You play your music, you ride your motorcycle. Dean, you're making a living, you know, you're putting away

a couple dollars here and there when you can. You catch a breathing. What else you want on life, Dean? That's it, man. I just did comedy for a fucking 20 days in New York.

I just look at that like, wow. stayed in the apartment on the Lower East Side. Yeah, right. You woke up to bagels. Nobody asked you for a $20 bill. Ari got more, you know, he don't give a fuck. Ari's family.

He's not going to say, listen, just clean the place and don't leave no rubbers or away, right? He's so great that guy. He leaves your weed. There's food in the refrigerator. Yeah, yeah. Ari's fucking family. So, you know what? When you have these advantages, you have to take advantage of these fucking advantages.

Go to New York and even, hey, listen, who the fuck am I to tell you not to experience New York in December. No, man, I'm going. Oh, when it's freezing. I'll take the animal. And you'll call me and go, Joey, Jesus, fucking Christ, when that wind goes in that subway station. And the rats are like, fuck you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had that in August. I was there in this fucking 4 million degrees. There was an incinerator, man, just down in the subway. Showing up, it shows. Your pants are just wet. No, no, no, there's no way to live. Listen, I'm going to tell you a true story.

Yeah. There were two concerts that I walked out of there, and there was a horror show. But the main concert was ACDC, the Palladium August 2nd, 1980 or 81. The second night they started. They always opened their tour to Philadelphia. They went to the Palladium in New York. I kid you not, bro. I had sweat down to my knees on my jeans.

The belt buckle, the belt looped there. That inch around your waist Was covered with sweat The t-shirt I had on the people next to me It just smelled like shoes at the palladium It's brutal Brutal That fucking humidity That's brutal

The cocaine would melt Oh, oh, oh, it's just gone And the seal of meal Maybe those seal of meals It'd just be gone You would cut the cocaine lee And move it And the whole thing would move with the razor blade

Just gone And you go, you know what, we're done We gotta snort it before If not we lose it Ghost Coke You're really fucking loses it I'm gonna do some shout-d I gotta go. I gotta go.

Go do your thing. Me and Leo close this motherfucker. Love you guys. Thank you for coming on a Sunday night edition. Oh God. I'm the fucking church of what's happening down. The church. Sorry we didn't really cover a lot of music tonight. Next month we'll bring rain in and we'll fucking get down on that blind melon.

You know, I'm going to listen to that blind melon. Please do. I didn't like them. I really do. Check out the record soup and the song Galaxy. It's incredible. Thank you guys. I love your way out. There's a door out there. Yeah. You know how to slide out.

Thank you. We'll talk during the week. Thomas Hattington. Sean Thomas. Jordan Hutchinson. Alex Carter. Let me do this again because there was a lot of movement here. Thomas Hannington.

Sean Thomas. Jordan Hutchinson. Alex Carter. Stephen Carriago. Johnny Papalia. Philip Rusty Buselli and Jason Seagas. Who the fuck is better than you on a Monday morning?

You understand me? At least you're getting thought about somebody's thinking about your cock sucker. What's going on, Lee? How are you feeling? I'm feeling good. What are you going to talk to me like that? Tell me, you know what I'm feeling like a fucking animal in heat? A freak without warning?

No, I'm trying to figure out how I feel. It's not really kicking it, but nothing really crazy yet. There's a little piece. want you to say I gave you a fucking a Fugazi piece. Take a chance. Columbus did. What are you going to do? You got nothing to do tomorrow?

What are you going to do? Other than live? What do you got to do? Where are you going to go? You got nothing to do tomorrow. Take a chance. Columbus did. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Isn't that you? No, it's not me. That's you. Fuck nut. Who's pet texting? Yeah. Look at shit.

That's mama. She's watching. Oh, shit. She's watching the show. She knows you're fucking hiding. Fuck. No. You didn't save her a star.

She's got you on the eyeball of debt. That time you brought her into the office, she bugged the office. You see what I'm saying? What's up, Lee? Give me those things, will you? Look at you. You're having a little heart attack over there. You've got anxiety.

I love it. It's a typical Sunday night here at the church office. I'm happy you motherfuckers tapped in on a Monday morning. Great week coming up. Halloween and shit next weekend. Herbie's... I'm going to be in Las Vegas. Friday night and Saturday night at the South Point with my man Steve Simoney and I guess Larry

now since he's unemployed or something. Something poor happy to my man Larry. So we're going to have to chip in and get him a fucking car. He's going to be the Uber driver of the fucking year, my brother Larry. You know what I'm saying? What do you think about that? I love it. He said, yeah.

He needs a new car to do Uber. Yeah, we're going to have to chip in and get him a fucking nice Corvette or something. So you can do Uber or get him a special. Larry fucking token layer Uber car and shit You know what I'm saying How are you feeling over that league What do you got playing for this week?

Cucksucker Everything's out the window now I went back to Jitsu I'm very happy I went Saturday and today My breathing is off But fuck it I'm gonna keep going

Since my back I didn't want to overdo it I went a little bit both days Just to really tomorrow I go to the class I'll probably do the drills Like I did today And get thrown up in the air And shit like that and just get loose and it's great to be back.

I took that week off, guys, and I got to tell you something, man. I only did two podcasts, and I went to that meeting, and I spent time with my family, and I didn't even open up a comedy notebook. Did you know that? I'm not going to open up a comedy notebook until tomorrow morning. How long has it been since you've taken that long, huh? Last December. I took a two-week layoff off after the New Year's show,

because I couldn't do it. I couldn't say those jokes anymore. I was fucking dying inside. So I went up there, April and Chan. Remember we went to the year started at fucking flappers. I warmed up at flappers on a Tuesday night and fucking ripped it up

nicely. You know, I hadn't been on stage and sometimes it's good to take a little breather. Sometimes you make good strides. I had a good day of I had a way better day at Jiu-Jitsu than I thought I was going to have. I did one thing that was impressive, at least for me.

I lasted in one thing. I took my fucking little protein water and I went home. You know me, dog. I don't fuck around, dog. Your cardio survived? My cardio is that one week, remember that fucking before I shot that special, like a week before the special, I started

smoking cigarettes. Like, I would smoke fucking little those ultra-light, disgusting. They were disgusting guys. But for some reason, I wanted to get everything sharp. I wanted not to forget, there's something in my head, like I told you. When I used to go to auditions, the fucking character for me started when I went in the show.

So when I did the special, I was going to go back to Chicago, I don't know, I wanted to feel fucking dirty without feeling dirty. So I bought a pack of Marlborough Ultralights one night, and they are the most disgusting fucking things. I came to a conclusion last week that the worst things on this listen, every once in a while, you want me to lie to you and tell you if I'm on a fucking flight and I don't have a star that I won't get a fucking doers and ginger ale? Do you want me to lie to you and tell you I'm not a doer's and ginger ale guy? Do you want me to lie to you and tell you that I'm not a fucking... Sometimes I'll just drink an Irish cream. An Irish bailey's on the rocks.

That's it. Yeah. That's right. I'm not going to lie to nobody. Last week in Chicago, I had a frangelico or whatever the fuck it was. You're a frangelico. Frangelico with Irish cream with some ice cubes and a little cream in that. I like all that type of shit.

I don't want to get hammed. But you know what? Whenever I drink alcohol, whether it's one shot or two shot on the plane when I get home and I drink water and stuff like that the next morning, I feel okay. I don't feel the alcohol. Whatever I'm deciding to do and I'm going to walk that day or run or do kettlebells,

I feel okay. I got to tell you something. You smoke fucking cigarettes. The next day, you feel like fucking debt. You really do. And I came back that night, I threw them in the thing,

and I didn't fucking smoke another cigarette. And that was it. I just wanted it before the special to calm me down when I was there. I didn't want to do alcohol and I didn't want to have 22 stars in my fucking system. Between the refa and the fucking cigarettes and calm me the fuck down.

Cigarettes calm me down. I've never smoked. Something in my world. Something for some reason, maybe pull them up. And you know what, Willie? The result was great. It was a final result. And what did I do?

I threw the fucking cigarettes out that night. And that was a week ago. That was eight days ago. No fucking problem. Nobody got their feelings hurt. My lungs are tip-taped-to-migoo. I did the stand-masters that fucking day at the hotel. So I'm good, man.

it's amazing that you can go in and out of that addiction so easily there's no addiction there's no addiction it's fucking disgusting I want you to smoke one time in your life whether it's a cigar I smoke cigars they're the most disgusting thing in the world I love these people who smoke a cigar and I want to ask them look pull them in the corner and go tell me the truth you really like smoking this shit you really like that tasting your fucking mouth and you breathe on people I got to smell that shit people who smoke cigars breathe on you.

They want to come up close and talk to you like the Johnny Mafia. And they want to hit you with that fucking, that fucking cigar, that breath smell in your face. Like, I need that shit. Get the fuck out of here. Let me tell you something. It's the holiday season. And, you know, we got a great podcast, man. And we have a select group.

And I have a great couple agents. And they contact me every, like, 30 days. And they give me a list of people that, uh, you know, they're marketing for now and they say to me, you know, Joey, look into this and the people, I'll say, you know what, yeah, I like that. Something to send me a case of that

or do this or do that. And eventually we all, me and Lisa down, you know, I don't want to ever bring something on here to you people that you're going to look at me and go, Joey, what the fuck? What the fuck? Number one, you're unique, you don't walk like everybody,

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Believe me, if you want, if you think you can sleep four hours a night on the couch and be tiptoe-mogoo the next day, it's not going to work. It only works for a little while. Give Helix sleep a try right now. Listen, I just got this in the mail. I tried the blueberry one. You know, I'm not an expert on waters. I do know what I like, and I do know what I don't like. I don't like drinking a water where the taste is overwhelming

and I don't like drinking a water where the taste is too sweet where it's too not, you know, you can't taste it. It's not natural. It's not natural. And then there's that one flavor. I just tried this today, the blueberry. I think it's the blueberry. It was delicious.

Do you understand me? You know you should drink eight glasses of water a day. But who really does? Coffee, soda, energy drinks. Why don't you just drink more? water because it's bland and you want something that tastes good. Here's the solution. Drink hit water instead. Listen, I'm like you guys. Sometimes I'm drinking water and I feel like a prisoner. I don't like water sometimes. But if you want to drink something that's healthy and at the same time

get your fix, this is it, my friend. You know you should drink eight glasses of water a day, but again, hit water was started by Kara Goulden. A few years ago after having a four child, she was overweight, she had terrible acne, and felt awful. She was drinking 10 diet sodas a day. You know who that sounds like Lee? Instead of drinking water, because water was boring. What other options did she have? Juice is full of calories and there's a no calorie drinks of garbage. That's why she started hint water. Hint water is pure water infused with a taste of fresh fruit. Hint water, drinking water, isn't boring. They have flavors to suit your palate. Watermelon, peach, mango, grapefruit, and many more. No sugars, no chemicals, just great tasting, all natural, fruit-flavored water.

Both health and self-magazines have named Hintwater for the best flavored water, and they know how important drinking plenty of water is to your health. You know what? Let's open up one right now. In fact, that's what I had before. Me, I'm thinking blueberry. It's watermelon. Let's taste this together. It's chilled. You know what, guys? This is delicious. Hint is pure water infused with fresh fruit.

No sugar, no chemicals, just great tasting, all natural, fruit flavored water. Both health and self magazines have named Hintwater the best flavored water, and they know how important drinking water is every day. Do me a favor right now, okay? I just drank some watermelon infused with its water infuse. with its water infused with watermelon and the other natural flavors from non-GMO plants. There you go. I can't see with these glasses, guys.

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slash church. Drinkhint.com slash church. Give it a try. It's delicious. The watermelon was good. And the Blackberry was good. That's how we're rolling here. Lee, what are you looking at? You're all confused over there. As usual, you guys've been known.

You've been following me on the church here for how long. You know, I love you in all my heart. I appreciate you guys. All right. A couple weeks ago, we got this thing. Did you hook it up yet to see so? Oh, yeah. My wife hooked it up to the Roku.

My wife loves it. She watches the Saturday Night Lives on there, the old Saturday Night Lives. I came in the other night, I got to tell you, as much as sometimes I don't. like Sine Night Live, I was kind of laughing, and she told me this was part of C-Sysot. And I'm like, really, I didn't even know this. I did not even know this shit, okay? Yeah, and I got C-Sito for the Doug Stanhope special a couple weeks ago.

Is that what you got it for? That's what I got it for a couple weeks ago. And they have a couple. They have some original programming from John Array, I believe. And they have a lot of great original programming. And it's just going to keep having more and more. It's a lot of really cool. And they have hours of specials.

Well, all I know is one thing. I'm very happy that my special is going to air on their December 8th on CISO. Now, what's the best thing you've bought 399? I bought CISO. CISO has nearly endless supply of top shelf comedy, literally months of worth of exclusive originals, face-melting stand-up, and next day, late night, and great catalog of classics.

CISO is the place for comedy. They won't tell you how amazing they are, but we will. CISO is amazing. It's comedy for comedy nerds by comedy nerds. Like I said, the other night we were watching Sinai Live. It was hilarious. I mean, you know what? When I signed out, I wasn't really fucking into it

because I was getting high and shit like this, but it was tremendous. CISO, spell. S-E-E-S-O is the new ad-free streaming service bringing you hilarious original series, hand-picked classics, weeks of stand-up specials and more. Bringable comedy anytime, anywhere, see-so. Every episode of SNL, including new episodes the day after the air, the tonight show starring Jimmy Fallon, Seth Myers, the day after, and they even have classics like 30 Rock, Parks and Rex, and Saved by the Bell. even British comedies like the original office

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Hannibal Berris, Chelsea Peretti Amy Schumer Beaumann Bairn and yours truly Uncle fucking Joey Diaz on December 8 bitches. So if you're serious about comedy. Gotta give try the seesaw, all right? Streaming online, anywhere, any place, virtually unbelievable. CISO is ad-free and it's $399 per month. That's less you paid for the Latte,

artesian cold brewed coffee you're holding right now like a half a fruitcake. And right now, my listeners can try CISO for two months when you use promo code Joey at checkout. Okay, Again, for you guys in the fucking death, my listeners can get C-SO for free for two months when you use promo code Joey and check out. And guess what that gets you? Even if you get it today, which is what? October 25th.

That means November 25th. That means December 25th. That means you get to watch Uncle Joey special for fucking free, cuck suckers. So do me a favor. Go to CISO.com right now. C-so.com right now. to sign up for two months free with promo code Joey,

J-O-E-Y at the checkout that's CISO.com promo code Joey. That means you get to see my special for free. And I know you're going to watch it because you know I love you and you love me and we love everybody else. All right. So one more time, go check out CISO.com slash Joey. Go to Helixleep.com slash Joey. And I'll tell you what, this fucking hit water is not.

too bad Lee I gotta give you one you know what man it's nice and light so do me a favor right now all right this is the real deal holy feel go to drink no go to hint dot com slash church all right that drink hint dot com slash church and normally 24 dollars i'm gonna give you 15 dollars and drink hint dot com slash church listen we'll see you guys Wednesday have a great night stay black thanks for opening up Monday morning was Remember, it's your motherfucking week. Write your goals, do your 22 push-ups, smoke a bone, and get out of the house. Slingdick and giving out bubblegum, cuckers.

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