The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #441 - Mickey Gall

Episode Date: December 21, 2016

Mickey Gall, a UFC Welterweight, perhaps soon to be lightweight, fighter, seen on "Dana White: Lookin' For A Fight" and as the first UFC opponent of CM Punk, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:  Headspace: Go to headspace.com/joey and download the Free Headspace App and start your Take10 10 day free trial. Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order of portable devices that spray your butt with water. Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Seeso: Seeso is the new ad free streaming service. Bingeable comedy. Anytime. Anywhere. Use code JOEY at checkout for 2 months free. Watch Joey's Special, "Sociably Unacceptable" Now!     Recorded live on 12/20/2016.  

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Download the free Headspace app and begin their Take 10 program for 10 days of guided meditation at headspace.com slash Joey. That's headspace.com slash Joey. Oh, shit. Here we go. Five days shoplifting left. Let's do this shit. Frank that meal. Lee. Kick that Lee.

Kick that fucking thing. I want to see that thing on fire tonight. That's Bruce Springsteen, bitches. Oh, shit. December 20th. Lee Syed. Oh shit. What's a story in this motherfucker?

Mickey Gawler's in the house tonight. Fresh off, Sacramento. Fucking with a future. I was telling somebody today, if somebody said to me, they could turn back my life. I would go, I'll start from 30. Like, I wouldn't want to do my 20s over. If I had your 20s, I'd do it all over.

No, I'm loving it. You're loving it. Congratulations. Thank you, thank you. You deserve it, and the way you did it, very nice. Thank you. Very smooth. Thank you.

I honestly, I never saw the show, so I watched it today because I had seen you, my first fight watching you was CM Punk. And then I watched it today. Joey talks a lot about this time in your life. like the early the mid 20s and I was just thinking like it was like a year ago right and now you're three fights in the you have like you were going you were like the biggest fighter I said everyone had the shirt like you're the only guy in the in the show who had an like sponsors and a shirt those sponsors must be so happy like they they must have made 8000 times that return off of that

video because like you were just it's it was in philly right like a local philly show and you're from jersey and you went in there and destroyed it was awesome it was like it was cool to see and then a year later, three fights. Three fights. Yeah. Three and up. It's fucking surreal, huh? Crazy.

Crazy. Quick. What does your family think? They're having fun. They like it. Yeah, my... Actually, I'm surprised you don't know my dad. You guys grew up right around the same time.

He's 53 also. You were talking about... You were talking about pulling scams at the English town auction? Yeah, that's where he used to go? He used to, yeah, he grew up in Malapin. How far is that from English town? Close. used to work there like he had that was like his first job funny races and all that right yeah those

selling you know selling shit the mall there was an outdoor thing and everything was stolen Mickey yeah it was 19 fucking 75 there was no cops there was no legislation yeah there was no Kmart there was no where do you go to get returns you know like when you what's that store you go to marshals t j max with t j max that it's you know there's a stitch you know there's a stitch that's wrong. That's why you're getting $2,000 pants for $42 because the stitching is wrong. Let me ask you a question. We're from Jersey.

Give me those fucking things, you know? So in those days, all that shit in Englishtown, and I lucked out on that. Like that, that was a friend of mine who said, let's take a ride to English town. And we walked around buying A-Tracks. Eight tracks were cheap. They were stolen.

They weren't stolen. They were duplicated. They did what Columbia housed it. And sold them to you for a dollar. Give me 12 for $10. Are you fucking kidding me in those days? I remember going there, my grandma. Is it still there? Yeah.

It's still there. Yeah, when I was little, I'd go there all the time. Now, it's still on Saturdays and Sundays? I think so, yeah. I haven't been in years. But, yeah, I remember. You would hear the avocytes. They had a crappy-looking Nikes, but they weren't Nikes.

All bootleg stuff. All bootleg stuff. But that was then. But that was now. Then there was a place that had converse close by. That's how the whole thing went down. There was a dumpster of sneakers,

and you would go in there, the only problem was you had to find the match that other motherfucker. That's where the time consumption was. So you just took a bunch out and kept throwing them out, throwing them out, and you put them in the car,

and then you sorted them out when you got home. Sometimes you did better than others. Sometimes you said, let's go back in that dumpster and get the matches, because you had to get the match. It was, and in these days, There were the Julius Irving sneakers, and they called them limousines for the feet, and they were maybe $22.

But you could get them into Englishtown for seven. So these guys would actually go to dumpsters jump and then bring the shit to Englishtown and sell them for $7 fucking dollars. I would take them and sell them for $15 in North Burger. What are you kidding me? Like a doctor. They didn't know they were stitching. Nobody knew that they made mistakes. Congress was fucking conversed, you know.

But everything. They had rims in those days down there. They had like fucking radios for your cars, like real expensive radios. And they weren't stolen out of cars. It was stuff that was hijacked off trucks. That's all it was. And everybody knew it was hot stuff and shit. Who gave a fuck?

It's Englishtown, New Jersey, bitches. Was it like a store? Like a flea market? Outside flea market. It was a flea market. Clean market. Equivalent to the slawson, what do they do here? What do they do here that you went to?

Swamp meat. The swap meat. That's the same fucking thing. What's the swap meat down there? People go down there and sell what they got. I think so. I only went there for like the... Jeans and sneakers and stuff like that.

Yeah, I think they sell like random store space, I guess. I guess you can do whatever you want. That's crazy. Have you seen like in other countries they have that, but they'll have like, when I went to Israel, they'll have like barbershops in those places. They have like everything you. need in the local market pretty crazy they brought to go to Israel show those motherfuckers what it's all about how old are you first started um we started

Taekwondo like everybody else now I um I grew up like playing all the sports football baseball basketball um when I was 13 I started boxing I'd have like my dad would drive me at like six in the morning on a Saturday and like drop me off there um and I'd go it was in a fan wood so like like you know like the playing fields yeah Yeah. It was a the dude used to train Lennox Lewis. Harold Shadow Knight, him and his brothers had a gym. So like it was a good spot. But I wasn't so consistent then. Then I started doing jiu-jitsu and I was 16. And that I took to that like to do MMA. So eight years been doing jiu-jitsu like seven, eight years training for MMA. Jesus Christ. Yeah. And most people just go on those circuits, local circuits for a while. And, They go like seven, eight fights. Yeah.

That's the path I expected to take. Right. Then the UFC, then your manager sends your tape to the UFC. Yeah, or something like that. And you had him coming to your town or him coming to that fight. He came to my debut. I figured I would have had to beat like seven or eight, beat up seven or eight more guys regionally. And then I'd get my, I'd get in the USC.

It's a fucking dream come true. Yeah. That's a dream of a comedian to go on stage and to be a director in the thing. And all of a sudden, you're a person. you're perfect for his movie and you get in the movie that was the dream you know whatever but

it was the dream for you which is fucking dynamite so you went from A to Z like your fucking one day yeah I went from regional to the punk so you had a plan yeah right as I found out right I found it like a month before the owner called me and was like had big news

Dana White said to be at the fight and I was like all right so how do I make the most of this it's like boom I called that dude CM Punk I'll beat my guy I'll be one to know Seampunk's, oh, no, that's a like record. Like, that fight can happen. So I was like, you know, who... I figured everyone would be doing it.

Like, it seems so obvious. Who am I going to call out Robbie Lawler? They'd be like, shut up, idiot. You know? That was a smart move, man. Genius fucking move. Yeah, so I just got on mics. I love to fight him.

I didn't think anything was to happen with it. And then a month later, I was watching UFC with my dad and they show a commercial for the looking for a fight show. And it was like, me talking. I was like, we're like, what? We, we, like, recorded the TV screen with our phones. It was wild. And the one thing I noticed is when you guys were like shaking Dana's hand after the fight, there was this one guy.

And I'm sure he was great. And I think he won. But he's like, it was an honor to fight in front of you, Dana. Like it was an honor. I hope to fight in front of you again, sir. And you were like, want to know, give me see him punk, bitch. And he was like, he responded to that. Like you would think maybe like, oh, I should be respectful to the owner of the UFC.

You're like, want to know, give me CNN Punk. No, how is it? I think I said it was an honor. He didn't say bitch. He didn't say bitch. But you said like, I was like, hey, want to know, man,

that fuck it could happen. No, I wasn't going to be disrespectful with Dana. No, you weren't disrespectful, but you were confident. You weren't, you weren't like kissing the ring

or whatever, like, however you want to say it. And it was just, it was interesting to see that he, and even the last, the ending clip of the show is, I'm interested.

Yeah. Like, that's like, he, you obviously caught his attention. You know, sometimes it's not what you say. It's how you say it,

man. Yeah. And if a dude's cool, he feels your passion. He feels you, you're in Lake Flint you know it's it's so easy it's like when uh who's the heavyweight stevehiyo cheape meochish the one time when he fought he just went after dana you know and he did it in a certain way that you could see it was his heart like he's like enough is enough yeah

i fuck me that belt yeah give me that fucking belt i fucked up everybody already you know if you don't ask for it they're not going to give it to you guys close mouths don't get fed you know if you walk up and go, hi, yeah. I'll fight whoever the corporation puts in front of me. That's great. You didn't do dick. Every time you fight, if you have a successful, a tremendous fucking win, like the last two you had, you got to go out there and sling dick. You know, half of this game is mental. You know, I like when people go a month after, Mickey's going to fight in September. Who do you like? I don't fucking know. I'll tell you after the way in. I'll tell you after the way. For me, when I used to go to Wayne's with Joe, I'd see shit that was crazy.

And in my mind, I'd make a mental note. And next thing you know, I'm like, I didn't bet it. I didn't bet it. Because you start learning that that fight is won right there at that way in with the mind. It's how he reacts to it sometimes. So come out and call somebody to fuck out. They'll be home watching the same fight you're watching giggling. And next thing, you know, Dana's got your both on the phone.

If you keep winning, they got to keep giving the guys the ass for. Yeah. It's plain and that. It's that plain and fucking simple. A man without a plan is not a man You know listen man I didn't know this The expectancy of a fucking running back

Is three years Three years yeah I never fucking knew that okay I never knew that fact That's a fact Because we look at people That go for six or seven years We don't see the medium range guys

That play three games and blow out their knees Now they're out for a year Then they come back Like that dude for the Giants What's his name He'd break his neck Is like David Wilson Yeah he had to retire

He was like rookie of the year or like the one, the number one rusher. He was our first round draft pick. Yeah. Like, and then, yeah, he's like a year or two. It was supposed to be like the next, like our next running back. Out. Bad neck. Career over.

And you don't even, those are the ones that you see. But like Joey was saying, a lot of time is like sometimes, because I used to be a big fan. I used to have a lot of time when I was young. And you see these people get drafted, especially quarterbacks. You see them get drafted. And a year two later, they're selling real estate or they're just just because. They don't get any chance. Like, it's crazy.

Our good buddy, Nate Boyer, who came on when he was like, I think, was he like late 30s? He's still lurking. Oh, yeah, he's still around. But, yeah, it was just, it's, it's, there's so little, so few jobs, and it's, it's too competitive. It's so weird now, even in, you're a young man, you're 24. But you remember George St. Pierre? Hell you. Like, a lot of people don't.

Like, when I heard. this a couple weeks ago that a lot of people don't remember who that's how much new fans have gotten okay the khana mcgregor crew the whole crew maybe even a little before connor mcgregor they don't even know who gsp is right now m m mc or ufc is moving really fast yeah you're on a fast fucking uh moving track right now and you're intelligent as fuck because you have a plan you know always yeah lee what do we always talk about being fucking What's that word you say that? Calculated.

Calculated. That's big. And it's tough to be calculated at young age. Yeah. To have the control. You have all the weapons, you know. What? Was doing Jiu-J-J-2 at 16 help that?

Because you really, it seems like that would be it. Yeah, probably. Yeah, that problem solving and stuff like that, thinking ahead. I've always been smart. Not to, you know, to my own horn, but. Yeah, my, my jiu-jitsu coach, real strategic guy, David Adiv. He was like, is really, Rayleigh, Special Forces,

Jiu-Jitsu Black Belt, seventh degree. So, yeah, he's a serious dude. He instilled that in me a little bit, too, along with my dad. It's just really weird that when you start fighting, playing football,

you wrestle, especially from the area we're from. We have so many fucking knuckleheads, you know, and a lot of people punch hard, you know, they gifted with the,

gift of punching, They got a purple belt and jiu-jitsu. They get a tattoo. They fight three times. They go three-and-o. They do a couple shots at deck of the roblin to really make them crazy. They do some ecstasy, some weekends. Sweat-out-out.

Some more steroids. You put that whole mix together with the tattoo ink. You're fucked. You understand me? You're fucked. And they go into a situation or they go three-and-o with knockouts. They hit really hard. But they go into the UFC with.

that I would just start knocking people out and you run into Damien Meyer. Technique. And now it takes two years to get out, even up to close to going in that fucking momentum with Damien Meyer. You're so fucking well-rounded. You're so well-rounded right off the fucking bat. That's what really scared me, especially after watching you Saturday. I go, wait a second.

And you have control. So you have all the weapons right there. It's just a matter of a man. out of plan is not a man. Nietzsche, you follow me? Yes, sir. You got it. That's it. And the rest is about Jersey. Who gives a fuck? It's all about Jersey.

That's what you were going to take a beating? Oh my God, I got beat up so many times in Jersey. I never got beat up down the shore, though. I didn't cause problems down the show. I was a little smarter than that. What were you getting beat up? North Jersey? North Jersey. Yeah. North Jersey. You know, all on my own stupidity.

One time I got beat up in the city. One time we got chased trying to get drugs or something, but never like, we didn't start trouble. One time I got beat up with this guy I was trying to bait. We would mug these fucking pedophiles and shit up in North Jersey. You were mugging pedophiles. Mugging fags. That's justice. No, these guys were like guys that were drinking in the city and they get drunk and they wanted a guy that sucked their dick.

so they'd take the fucking west side highway and come over to northern New Jersey and we'd hang out by a park and we had a dude who looked kind of handsome and we'd take his shirt off and he'd be the bait and we'd wait by a fucking tree you know what would he do before a car

would he just be like he would just be standing on the corner whistling and a car would pull up and then he'd do a U-turn and then he'd do another turn and on that one he'd look at you like And you look back and also he'd pull up and go, excuse me, do you know how to get to 48, 8, 29th Street? And the guys are like, no, you're on fucking 200 street.

You're far away. Are you looking for a ride? Are you lost? And also, it would be perfect. I saw this at 17, 16. So what? Then you guys are running up on the dude in the car? No, no, no.

Then my buddy would go. So what do you want to do? What do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want to do? I don't know, pull a car over. Let's talk about it. And the guy would get out of the car because your fucking thing is weak.

Here you are. This guy's like 25, 26. He's probably married. He's got a kid. But he's been wanting to get his dick sucked for years. His father's Italian. He can never get his dick suck with his father still alive. Oh, he won't get none of that real money.

He was on the way back from the funeral or something? There's a lot of guys like that. But you could tell they want to suck a dick. but they got too deep they fell into the American dream and now they can't tell them about it they want to suck a dick that too they got kids they got a wife but when you see him you're like that dude's a dick sucker we don't have that one friend in the circle that you look at and you go you know what I know one that if I get real drunk I could talk this guy in the suck of my dick one night at four in the morning with nobody's watching and shit hysterical it really is fucking crazy how I don't even know we were talking about you mugging the pedophiles so they would they get out of the car and they would come up to my friend and my friend would walk with them and I never climbed one of the trees I'm never a tree climb I'd hide behind

the tree and shit and he'd take him under the tree where my buddy would be up there like fucking Rambo trying to get to fall off the tree and also my friend would go you want me to suck you dick yeah I pull you, where's the money

and the guy would take the 50 out and if he had like more cash on he'd go take down your pants the guy would take his dick out as my friend would put one knee down he'd come right up and kick the guy in the balls the guy would drop and then the guy in the tree would drop on him with a karate chop and awesome eight of us with bayonets and leaves and fucking dude's about to have like he's so excited and it just turns so bad oh my god you want a fucking nightmare and for the record I probably do six times to like fucking like two of them like chubby tuck truck drivers like none of these guys

were really gay these guys were not gay at all they were just confused guys i saw that in early and i saw i would go down how the u-turn the whole thing would play out we'd be sitting there for three four hours but there was a crew of guys in north bergen that had become professionals at it like this is jerr like we were talking about things that happened in jersey when i was growing up There was, my town is really big. How big is watching? How big was your graduate? I'm from Greenbrook.

That's like, yeah, that's right near North Plainfield, Bridgewater. All right now. Yeah, right there. Now, how far is North Plainfield from motherfucking Plainfield? Right next to it. Right next to. Yeah. Well, that was a kid.

Plainfield was bad. Yeah, Plainfield's tough. North Plainfields, you know. Yeah. They're tough. It's a tough spot. North Plainfield. Jesus fucking Christ.

I haven't heard those words in the years. I grew up playing football with all those kids. Did you? Yeah. Group three or group four? In high school, we were group four. I watch on, I watch on, I was captain football team at my senior year. So you guys, group four and you guys were white.

Yeah. Oh, watching hell is super white. Yeah, that's all the rest of the up. So that means you play the big black motherfuckers from group four. Because group four, my district is we had to play, you know, East, Storange and Bayonne and Jersey City, you know. No, we didn't play Hudson Catholic. In basketball, we had to play St. Anthony's.

Okay. Because they're group four. You were North Bergen? I went to North Bergen, which is Hudson County. So we were group four, but that's right, because it's like group four, section eight. That means they got 90 fucking eight sections. What do the groups mean? Size of the school.

Size of the school. So we had a 1,500 graduating class, my high school, in 1982. too so we were group four yeah we're like 2000 something yeah how many no yeah yeah yeah that's like two thousand jesus i was like 300 a grade yeah so we were group four we were group four up which is hoboken yeah hoboken union hill memorials group four yeah we play union we play union we play union we put hackensack The ghosts. Plainfield, yeah.

Plainfield and shit. Now, who plays like Neptune, New Jersey? I don't know. That's down the shore. Where is fuck? Asbury Park, Manusquam, Wall Town. Okay, let me tell you something. That was the scariest thing I ever saw in 1980.

It was Neptune, New Jersey, bitty basketball. 1980, it was fucking on, motherfuckers. It was real. They say the rumor that Neptune is where Joe Disman's from. Isn't Joe Thais? He's from down there, and so is Jack Nicholson. From Matt, right, Manisquan, Neptune, whatever. Supposedly Neptune, but Manusquan claimed them and shit.

See, because he didn't want to let people know he was from Neptune, New Jersey. Joe Thaisman claims New Brunswick. And where, where, yeah, maybe. I may be wrong. Where do you go to high school? Watch. Okay, let's see. Let's see.

Let's see. Let's see. Mr. fucking New Brunswick. Unless you went to my stomping ground Yeah Unless he went to New Brunswick High He's fucking shit Watch

South River High What I tell you How far is that How far is that? How far? South River? Yeah see Down the fucking shore

Cossucker Don't lie to me bitch No wonder Lawrence Taylor broke your leg Copsuffin Told you He claims Yeah

They claim that shit later Because Is that right path? Like near Highland Park? Like right past? I have no idea. The only thing I'll say is if it could be just the hospital he was born at was in New Brunswick. Yeah, yeah, that's what it is.

That's why I said, what high school? It's going to say they're from whatever, but where'd they grow up? Yeah. And they're going to say South River? That means people are dying. Yeah, he was raised in South River. That's what South River means. Motherfuckers are dying.

Okay, there's a river there. Somebody's got to find out. That's when they put Adrianna on Sorbo in the fucking South River and shit, right? Oh, my God. That's the truth. That's when they put us. South River. That whole fucking area there,

like whatever. Is that where they got stuck in the woods in the Sopranos? The Russian? That's the pine baron. That's the pine barons. That's down the shore. That's fucking crazy. Down the shore,

that's where you guys see people get kicking the teeth. Manusquan. That's why I told you. I've seen some. Listen, it's 1982. We rent the fucking house. Seaside? seaside and then little bits

you could get little hotels in those days which had been there since 1940 those things were older than dick but on the seaside seaside park border when I was in high school there was a fucking guy that food he had

sabbread hot dogs with the chili and the buns no he had the onions and the sourcrown the whole thing but he was Italian and he made his own chili with a little kick to it Oh my fucking God

I would give a hand for that fucking chili right now And he would get you for 10 hot No he would give you 12 hot dogs For 20 bucks And we went in high school We'd smoke a fucking joint

And we'd eat to go in on that And tip the motherfucker And he had like sodas And something else Everybody down the show At some different angle man The Burger King Where's fucking

See, you guys are too young. There was a club called Montego Bay. I wonder where, see, Manusquan has the biggest bar in Jersey. The whatever the, what is it? Barrette. No. The biggest bar down the Jersey shore is in Manusquan. It's called the Osprey.

Osprey. The Osprey's been there since Jesus of less Chicago, Doug. That's how long. My high school football coaches worked security at the fucking Osprey. That's how old that fucking place is. So wherever, Belmar, Belmar. Belmar, yeah. Belmar, that Burger King and Belmar, let me drop it on you,

was the only Burger King in New Jersey when I was in high school that served sweet iced tea in the summer. That motherfucker was hopping, Jack. You understand me? Hoping. Fucking iced tea with lemonade. We live for that shit in Jersey. I remember going down this year.

I was telling some guys a story. the other day about now for me to live where I live to go down the shore I heard on Friday night it really is three or four hours is that true I don't know you don't live for what to go down to go down up north to drive down

if you go late you can make it in two but yeah it could be three hours for sure from where you're coming from yeah you're at the top you're probably in New York when I was a kid it used to be 45 fucking minutes no way oh my God I wish we used to

when I was in high school I was so fortunate We had buddies that worked at UPS and Saddlebrook, all right, and they worked from 11 to 2 when they got out of 2. But I had this other friend named Rob Merlo, and his dad had a restaurant in Paramus called Mandoz. So he would pay us each 25 bucks and all you could eat if we would go back to his bar at one in the morning and we'd clean the bar. And then we worked for Stinky and the other guy to get out of work at fucking UPS and we'd all drive down the seaside together. Okay. We weren't fucking high school guy. 50 bucks

unbelievable kids won't do this shit today they're too busy on their fucking computers analyzing things ubering fucking yelping and shit yelping you know what I'm saying

it'll be yelping cucked you don't need to yell nothing take a chance Columbus did so fucking we would go back to this restaurant I remember he'd go in the office and his dad had lobster tails when we started eating those fucking lobster tails

make it like we own the joint and he would come back and he'd go what happened to the lobster tails we go through 20 lobster tails i said you could eat anything not just the lobster tails we'd eat the fucking lobster tails we'd get fucking hammered you know and then get in the car and drive down the shore and we wouldn't pay tolls okay that's about 45 minutes you're doing 90 no no i'm still with that or or the guy in the passenger seat would hook shot a quarter over if it made it made it did you? Say Lavigne, motherfucker. If it dies and dies. Really crazy shit, man.

That, you know, like I told you guys before, when you tell people that you ran a toll, if you tell normal people, they'll look at you and go, why? It's a corner. What kind of that'd be... I'll have time to stop, and hold out my window and aim and put it... Oh, my God. Now they got that fucking thing.

The thing, the big fight. And then that motherfucker at the end of the month, you get a bill for 2000. You're done. If I live, I get a bill for $2,000. I'm in the Bronx getting fucking bread $20 to go to the fucking Bronx anymore They they tore all the to bulls down in Massachusetts. It's crazy It's all digital now

Can you imagine that that used to be like a bunch of jobs Listen bro we're living in communist times not even knowing it They know exactly what all five of us are right now with our phones and our own little stupidity we logged in on Facebook Everybody knows what we got Everybody knows what I'm That's the craziest one to me Checking in

Especially if you're on vacation I don't want anyone to know I'm on vacation My buddy just got his door kicked in I flew him out to To Cali with me for the fight I fly like my boys out So out there went me all week

The first day he's gone His door gets kicked in He's in Allentown PA Or no, Easton PA Eastern. Door gets kicked in, TV stolen. That's got to be like someone who you know, right? Up on Facebook. They probably saw your Instagram or something.

Seeing that, yeah. Yeah, he just got out of Cali. You're drinking his shit. Yeah, they're kicking your fucking door. I can take you 18 hours if you drive back, cut up. Yeah. I go in your house, cook eggs, do laundry, sniff your mom's underwear.

And then take the piano in 18 fucking hours. Are you fucking kidding me? Dog, I used to work construction. When a first, I moved to Snowmass in April of 83, and I had a couple jobs, but I wanted a job in Snowmass. I didn't want to go off the hill. If you go to Colorado, sometimes you have to, it would take me like, and it wouldn't be a pain he has to go downhill, as they called it, down valley. It was next to Aspen Snowmass Village. But I got a job in these fucking, I was walking one day, and I'm talking to this dude, and I asked him what he was doing, he was remodeling these condos.

But this is a fucking filthy rich people that would buy a condo and Aspen in snowmass, but they would live in Boston percent. But they might visit it or they wouldn't visit it. And they leave their skis in there, poles, the whole thing. We're working on these things. We had to have the doors open. I would just go in their houses and watch TV and put my feet up and shit. The whole eight weeks I was on the fucking job.

Every day I was in a different house watching TV, eating their fucking crackers and shit. They didn't have nothing good in there. Sometimes they had a soda. Who the fuck? Who the fuck has that much money? That's scary. What about them popping in on you? Like, how can you enjoy watching that TV?

Because I was doing construction. I had it out. Oh, okay. You had it out. I was taking a break. No, no, no. I wanted to know what happened. Something happened in San Francisco.

My uncle lives there in the earthquake. Okay. Oh, it's okay. There's always a bullshit. I'm not going to just sit in your house like an asshole. That's what I'm saying. But I knew these people wouldn't come back. You know, I knew the Daily Report.

the guy that I was doing construction was telling me these people aren't coming back going to that guys and turn the power in there plug the this and there plug that and that condo there was only it was like four condos or five condos were working and it was the weirdest shape it's just the fucking who fuck knows what's up will you got something on your mind good I would just always be like that like that I think would be the way to do it now if you were going to be a robber when you'd have to like go on social media

that's what I said like that yeah but you could pack the house up you can't be a robber no more because you got to figure seven out of ten people got a camera you walker it everybody's got a camera and you know what you got a mask on you can fucking dress up like Nixon it don't give a fuck

they'll get you one way they can follow you back can't then they got something and then you have your phone on you they catch you one way or another the GPS in your car, you made a phone call from your car, and they hit a satellite that hit the alarm. There's always a by the way now.

Run a red light, they take a picture. We're going to do smoke or joint and watch CSI. You won't even cross the street when the hand is up. They got you. They fucking got you. They really got you, man. And you know, you think about what communism is, is being watched, not told what to think,

but kind of, we're watched. Well, every time you lift that fucking computer and you type in your stupidity. I want to see a chick eat a fucking tennis ball with a finger in her asshole. That goes right to the government. Look at this mo-mo, right? All of some guy gets a beep,

and there you are. Your camera turns on, there you are whacking off with this fucking circle on the camera, and they got you on. You don't think they're watching you when you're whacking off on the computer? What do you think?

What do you think happens? They watch everything. They watch everything, man. But anyway, Who gives a fuck? We're all dead already. They all have our passwords. They all have everything.

They're dead. Do you have to worry about that, Mickey? Like, even from a UFC state, like, are you worried about going out to a club and someone instigating something? Then you get in trouble with TMZ or anything like that? Nah. Not really. I never look for it. I never look for fights.

But, you know, if something happened like that, yeah, I'd hit him. I'd get out of there quick. Or not even that. Maybe, maybe, like, I don't know, a girl or whatever, like a Twitter tirade against someone, whatever it may be, do you have to think and, like, calm down? Because, like, it's, I'm always surprised that all these athletes are even allowed to have social media. Whenever someone has a crazy social media thing happen, I'm like, I don't get it. Yeah. It's tough, man.

Social media, it's a weird thing. You know, you're a young guy and stuff, and, and it's not like you're out fucking boozing or whatever. But here's the funny thing. In today's fucking world with what you got going on, you have to kind of live in a bubble for you to achieve your dream, man. You got to be smart.

Listen, shit's not going to happen to you when you go with four your boys for a drink. But we're from Jersey. There's always one fucking knucklehead, bro. And it's that knucklehead. You want me to tell what one day you're going to hear

amen. remember when we were 13 on peewees remember I fucking tackled you that and you're like why are you talking about what the fuck are you talking about and he'll come at you're like what what you're like what are you and all you wanted to do was going in and get a soda your little pizza joint there's always one of those morons who we're from that you know it's not when you go out to a club it's it's always with uh you know that one drunk dude dog you ain't dick you have mr ufc remember we were 12 remember that I fucking tackled you pussy

what are you talking about what the fuck I tack with you and you cried you ain't shit mister UFC is it fun going back home

like do people freak out um dude I mean I haven't been home since the last one but after the sampunk one ever I'm just you're that guy who beat up Sampunk everyone's like like a gas station cross the street on the yeah I'm that guy who beat up

sam punk I got anybody come up to and go bro you beat up see him punk beat me up punk I'll fuck nah no soon soon yeah I'm waiting God forbid and you have to giggle yeah like a guy like you like giggles I have guys come up and be like dude I was rooting for CM punk I'm like oh all right sorry buddy sorry to do it to you why would you go up to something in today's world Just shut your fucking mind. I was raised, you know what, shut your fucking mind. People are really. You must get a lot of people saying don't shit.

You know what? When people drink at comedy shows, after the shows, they get kind of crazy. But I write it off, man. I write it off in a weird way. Like, they're drinking. I know they ain't an edible. They probably start drinking at four. You have to judge the circumstances.

This isn't a big city, you know. There's always something, you know. Yeah. I understand. that at this point. And there's always a lot of people there, so there's always a line, so they're always moving, you know? Yeah. Who the fuck knows, man? It was, uh, we were speaking about, before the show about, like, how, like, not knowing

how to, like, how I get, like, when I get really stoned, how I can, like, still manage, but I, like, I'm still fucked up, but Joey, you can really manage. When I was thinking about was, isn't it, it's kind of like when people get in a fight and they, like, they kind of go crazy. like I've never been in a fight. I think if I got punched, I think I wouldn't know what to do. Do you think it's kind of comparable to, like,

you know, if you got, like, you kind of reacting and, and knowing how to handle yourself. What do you mean? Like, we were talking about how,

like, for me, I have built up a tolerance to weed in a way, in a small way. Do you think you've built up a tolerance to getting punched in a way? Like, it doesn't shock you.

I don't know. In a fucked up way. I see what you're saying. No one's like punching me like it just walking down the street though you know what I mean out there Like you mean you mean out in the wild I mean even in the UFC Yeah, I guess you get you get a little desensitized to it Not your first time getting hit yeah, but you've been getting hit Yeah, but yeah but you know you're getting it if if you were going into a cage to get in the fight you'd be like I know I'm probably gonna get hit

You know I mean right you probably know that but I mean finding CM pop having fought CM Punk to do you Do you think he was shocked? Do you think he was like unprepared? Oh yeah, man, yeah, maybe. I don't think anyone hit him. No, I don't think anyone hit him the way I hit him. Right.

So yeah, that probably opens his eyes a little bit. But you've got the adrenaline and all that stuff going. I'm saying, no, no, no. Who knows, that could be way too stone, but it just... You're way too fucking stone. Trust me. Try trying to confuse the guy. You're working my wife.

My wife tonight ordered something. And the wrong. order got there. And she's like, call them up, and I'm going to call them up, and she goes, uh-oh, I think I'm gonna fucked up. And I know you did, because you talk too much. You confused them. You confused yourself out of the fucking game. Two weeks ago, the baby wants to go to McDonald's.

I hate fucking McDonald's, but I go to McDonald's. As a joke, as a joke, a month before that I said to a, wow, that McRib don't look too bad. Listen, I wouldn't need a fucking McRib if you gave me a It looks good and I want to eat that fucking thing, but I know I'm going to fucking die if I eat that thing. We go up to the counter. The dude barely speaks English.

I order the baby the six piece McNugget. My wife wants to fucking quarter pound. You don't want, I'll take a quarter pound that she goes. I know you're thinking about the fucking whatever. I don't say nothing. Next thing you know, there's a fucking McRib there because the dude don't fucking oblo. and she just brings shit up and then she confuses herself sometimes

and I told her this is what happens when you fucking bring that shit up tonight she fucked up the order again and now that's Lee I don't even know what the fuck you're saying what happens if you get hit if he's been fighting how long have you been fighting for

eight years? Eight years how many times you get hit in the head already? I don't know. Okay all right have you had a broken nose? No. All right, God bless your fucking soul.

Yeah, not going to be. But he's been hit, Lee, the way you have experience in coming in here. Exactly. The way you have experience how to download the podcast and how to navigate a podcast if it gets lost, unlike you of myself, I fucking, if you pass my guard and land on top of me and grab my shoulder, I see fucking stars. I don't even need to get hit anymore. You understand me? He has already built that tolerance. Exactly.

Yeah. You know, that's why the first time I saw when Brock Lesnar fought. That guy. Overeign? No. Fariasas. The white dude. The white dude from Denver that hits hard.

He's herring? No, that's threatening to come back. Oh. Big muscles. Shane Carwin. Shane Carwin. One of the first things I noticed when he fought Shane Carlin, Shane Carlin popped him and fucking,

if you see, he covered his face. I could tell right there he had never been punting the fucking face before. They're big dudes like that. They don't get hit because they're so big. People don't want to... No. I got an email three or four days later from somebody saying,

don't you know that when you train with them, you're not allowed to hit him in the face. Why do that? Then why do this? This is a game where you get you. The number one thing is recovering. When I was fucking six,

I got hitting the head with a flashlight. It took me 18 years to recover. Fight me for me. You know what I'm saying? When I was 24, when I woke up, what happened? A, B, C, D. I got hit in the head.

the fucking head with a flashlight in Central Park. That's true story. It took me a day and a half to recover from the shock. It was the first time my life rigidity had been broken because, you know, for you to get in a fucking ring, for you to get up one day and go, you know what, I think I'm going to become a fucking fighter. Something must have happened. You must have bit slapped the motherfucker one day after a football game or thrown somebody

up against the wall. There was this one certain guy that everybody thought that was a bad guy. You just torment this fucking life. You understand me? So one day you realize you want to do this, you go in there to do train you for a few weeks, then come spa Thursday, whatever. You go in there, the guy looks like fucking me in heat,

and all of a sudden next thing you know, your nose is broken, your ear is huge, your stomach hurts, you're bleeding from everywhere, the guy that comes back the next day. Yeah, yeah. That's it. That's the guy. Right there, that's it.

this guy's gonna tell you he broke a rib it's floating i used to spar five days a week at a m a m fight club you know a m a fight club right mike constantino no jim and dan miller where is it oh no in jersey in jersey wippany wippany now how far is wippany from your house 20 minutes 20 25 yeah wow yeah yeah yeah yeah that's where that's where that's where like i cut my teeth training with those got jim dan miller uh charley brendamman that's a great jiu jitoo base right there yeah And I used to, like, I didn't grow up fighting that much. I got in a couple of scraps of kid. But, yeah, I was sparring five days a week then.

Just, like, which is way too much. But I was, you know, I was like, I was like 20. Just loving it. Just having fun. Full MMA sparring? Yeah, and just sometimes just like, you know, kickboxing. Yeah. Yeah.

Not every day. Like, I do like the, I do the Muay sparring one day. And then, yeah, three days a week, I do the pro practices where it was, yeah, we're sparring. Well, jihis is solid, huh? Yeah, yeah. Sound like a motherfucker. Yeah. You can't take that away from you, Tazan.

Jesus Christ. Where else do you train? Gracie, New Jersey. That's where my jiu-jitsu got. And where's that? It's in Clinton. South West. Right out, like that exit 17 off 78.

Oh, boy, you're aware of that. Yeah, that's west. I know Clifton. Clifton, that's north. Yeah. That's north. That's by Route 3. Yeah.

It used to be a driving theater there. That's why I first saw, Kung Fu movies and shit like that. But Clifton, and that's the Israeli guy? That's in Clinton. That's the Israeli guy. Yeah, David Adiv.

Bad ass. Oh, I could just, a fucking Jiu-Jitsu Jew, those motherfuckers ain't fucking around with Grabben Gaw weapons. No, no. You fucking get him in an arm bar. He still has a flying star in this guy. Yes.

You're like, what the fuck happened? I had a flying star in my geek. That's Jewish, Jitsu, you know what I'm saying? Jiu Jitsu. That's real Jiu Jitsu right there. As you're taking that arm back for the arm ball.

You're like, watch my hip, you really, you fucking, my. What happened? I don't know. Yeah, that's a different fucking level jungle type. Yeah. Shit, they had some of that shit to it.

Lee, how are you feeling over there? Oh, my God. I'm going to go on. I'm going through changes tonight. Are you? Those chalk, whatever, one of those cold space bars? Moon bars? Oh my God.

I have to not breathe. That's my trick. I just don't breathe out of my nose. And that's why I make noises because it's just, as soon as it hits the back of my throat, it's like, it's crazy. See, everything's going to be all right. We work it all out. What's the story? You want to fight in Brooklyn?

That's a nice one. That's a nice card. February 11th? It's quick. I'd be a quick turnaround. I got a second. got the stitches i got eight stitches i um i got 20 i got 21 uh three weeks before c m punk i had to hide that and then the doctor's like you got to give it six months for the collagen i was like

fuck that i'm fighting and then i took this other quick fight so this is the things i got i got i should probably give it a little time yeah that's brooklyn's quick turnaround but dude i got to actually you probably faint if i showed you the picture i won't show you that yeah i don't see that i'm just thinking just talking about i see you change a little bit yeah yeah i got to actually you change a little bit yeah yeah yeah that's fucked up that's the hardest part that oh my god after you get cut or something they just wiped that blood right there with tap hey oh listen enough is enough i made me feel good when when i got cut in this fight i was like oh i like this that warm blood on your face oh i like drive some people crazy that's what's supposed to be that's that's when the

party starts yeah that's it that's it i just i just started getting dangerous knows what's that first blood everything's all right you're right you want to bit slap me, you want to kick me in the leg, that's all right. I think I'll do nothing for nobody. But once motherfucker sees he's bleeding, that's when the party's done, now what? Now what? Now you motherfucker, what's this and shit? Watch you.

Go ahead. What's up, Blyssie? Why are you looking at me off? Let your head back. It's going to be all right. Lay your head back if we're going to fuck me. I thought we're going to eat another star of respect for Hanukkah this weekend. Absolutely.

What the fuck? Let's do this shit, do this shit. Do this shit. Do this shit. What? Do this shit. Look at your fucking bad motherfucker. Represent Jersey and shit.

All day. You don't go to other, Jitsu places at all? You don't go to... I've been out in Manhattan, the Henzos. Get some work there. There's great guys there.

But, like, technique-wise, I mean, yeah, David Adiv. He's sharp. He's, like, he's, like, gonna be... Well, it shows. No, it shows, man. They fucking show. Strangling people, man.

Yeah, all that. That was tremendous. Yeah. That was tremendous. I just sat there. But I saw the countdown later that night. I remember that type. Oh, fuck, I did tape it.

What happened to that day? I saw two little girls and you and I go, I'm starting to get this picture here. This could become fucking deadly. This is New Jersey and shit. Now you've got to go back this summer and jump in that water, that water tough. In Jersey? I go every weekend. See, that's a secret right?

That's what nobody's got over there. I was tan for the CN Punk Flakes. I was in the water every weekend. Yeah, yeah. All that nuclear energy. Love it. And all that New Jersey waste gets into you. They can't fucking stop it.

You know, it's all over. You're like fucking Spider-Man. They don't even know it. They don't even know it. I don't think you saw a test for that. They can't even pick that out. They have no fucking idea. That beach was polluted with hypodermic needles 20 years ago.

Dude, I've been going to my whole life. My grandma and my grandparents owned a house in LBI right near the beach. So I go all summer. That water toughens you up like a motherfucker. they don't even know they gotta check check deep deep deep into the cells

and shit and make up the diabolic and there's oil slicks in there and mafia bodies and fucking everything Jimmy Hoffa all the Jimmy Hoffa dust

and the whole fucking deal and shit Jimmy Hoffa dust I like that one you should sell that on your on your site you make a killing

don't make a laugh I'm starting to get really high on those zettables. You make my adrenaline go up, you cock-sucking. See, this is the part I don't like. This is the part where there's a part where your head just hummed. And I could deal with the humming and hearing, you know, the loud noises and the fucking yelling. And I could deal with all that. It's when I have to do something very physical.

Then I turn my head real quick while I laugh. That's when I feel, oh, shit, this could get ugly. So then I got to start breathing out of my nose I got to go back to the island of Serenity I get the party started I'm back bitchy Do you still go to the island of Serenity? Every time.

Every time I lose control How many years ago was that? Five, four years ago But it works for me, cock suck, all right? No, I just love that. You went to like two sessions with her and you still use it. Why not?

It was a buck 20 years session. I got to get that down to $50 a day. You know what I'm saying? That's what I give the fucking animals. $50 a day? 50 cents a day I'm sorry yeah man it calms me down it still works

oh you know you want me to say what's up to you Todd Duffy Oh that fucking savage I'm doing his uh his podcast tomorrow I'm calling in the fighter's opinion Now where is he He's in Santa Cruz Is that what I'm saying earlier?

Santa Cruz Fuck that's a good place Yeah he's a good dude He is a good dude I haven't seen him When I do San Jose is something He shows up I bumped into him into a UFC

Where's he fighting on? Are you overseas still? Yeah, yeah. He's, I think he has something coming up. He was talking about talking to you about auctioning off his, one of his corner tickets. Like one of the people to be in his corner. Okay. I don't know. He'll talk to you about it.

Okay. Yeah. Auction off his corner tickets. Wow. So like someone could like go and walk out with him to be the back. It's kind of a cool idea. It's a right idea. I would never want to be in somebody's corner because of that.

If you put me strategically, I could yell And I give you a little instructions In different languages What's that? It's intense. Like being in the corner? Like when I had a buddy, my buddy, Al Jarebole, Fight recently, All of a sudden it hits you, you get nervous

Because you can't control it When it's you, at least you can control it It's just him going in there Be chugly did it out 26 seconds So there's no problem I could never go to one of your fights No Because I got to know you

And I got to like you I don't want to know nothing Tell me later. I can watch it on TV, but I could never go see you. My grandma watched this one. I told her not to. I told her not to watch any of them. She watched this one.

She called me today. You know, I watched. What's you say? She was like, well, I looked away on the parts I didn't like, but. Yeah, dude, she felt bad for CM Punk after she watched my last one. She's like, how could you do that to him? Yeah. It's not for them.

How good is that feeling to have? have your family watch on TV. I have no family to watch me. No mom and no dad. How great is it that your family's still alive to watch them on TV? Oh, yeah. I'm forcing, man. I'm happy.

They all came out. Yeah, they all flew out. I see them stressing out all week trying to keep them calm. Oh, fuck. I could never imagine having a son going into the fucking octagon and shit and me going to the fight. I can never even imagine it. My head would blow up. I'm not cut out for that chipe of shit.

I'm really not. My head would blow up. My head goes somewhere else, man, at those things. Like, one time I got to talk to Anderson Silver, and I got to talk to him again. And I went to a fight one time where he got into trouble. Like, I was ready to get a gun. Like, I'm old school. Like, get the fucking gun, dog.

This is getting deep. And I'm like, wait a second. I'm in a fucking UFC fight. Just because I know him don't mean I got to fucking go in there. Like I get, so I don't go. I just, once somebody I like is on the card, I won't go to those fights. I'll watch them at the house, but I'll get up. I'll go outside and smoke a joint, make believe I don't know nothing.

Then I'll come in, he'll win, and I go, I knew he was going to win. I just can't fucking watch. I get too nervous. I don't like that shit. Yeah, it's rough. It's rough. That's why I'm watching, like I was watching Jim Miller. I applaud your parents, brother.

I applaud your parents. Yeah. Give him a big hug when you get home. Oh, I will. Yeah. They're cool motherfuckers. and they went to see you and they got balls of steel. You would have love my dad.

I'm surprised you guys. You guys probably crossed past back in the day. Did he go to Bergen County Jail? No, no. After my last fight, his friends were up telling me like, dude, your dad was like the baddest guy in New Jersey. He was the toughest guy in New Jersey. And he was like, he was a football player.

Like he tried out for the Giants. It wasn't like a troublemaker. But he'd throw it down. They had stories. Wild stories. What high school did they go to watch him? He went to, not. He went to Manalapin.

He went to St. John Vianney for a little bit. He was starting football, and he got a bunch of, he got a couple of fights for, like, the seniors. And then he had, he got, like, he had to leave there. Went to Manalapan. The only kids I remember when I was growing up and down the shore, Pete Peneska from Brick. Okay. Brick, that's you, right? Around it, yeah.

Brick, and there was a kid Craig Hayward that just died recently. He played in the NFL, Craig Hayward. with Ironhead. He was big out of like Montclair or something. No, no, no, no. He was from somewhere else. But I'll tell you what, man. When I was about, I got left back, right?

Not because I was stupid, but because I fell in love with this girl and started dry hump of it. There's a true story in the sixth grade. In the seventh grade, so I got left back. And this is a fucked up story. Like, I liked basketball. At that time, I used to go to karate every fucking day.

Then Bruce Lee died, and I kept going to karate. I went to karate in the University in New Jersey at this Gushenruh Karate place and he would check your report card If you didn't get good grades you still make you come in do the jumping jacks and the push-ups But when he taught you have to do your homework and then he checked it after by the time he had a By the time he stopped teaching you had to have your homework fucking done This is old school The guy was like an ex-marine and shit you didn't want to go to those classes, but I liked what he did

I liked what he did and I was okay but when I I started dry humping that girl. I stopped going to class. Why go to karate class when you get dry humping? You know what I'm saying? And we weren't even having sex and I was already fucking lover of it.

Yeah. Like it was driving me fucking bananas. So I got left back. I just had a start from the seventh grade. She wouldn't let me dry humping no more because I got left back. Once you get left back,

you can't dry hump somebody ain't gonna dry hump this fucking loser? Dry hump is fucking losing. I left back in the seventh grade. Who gets left back? in the separate grid. Fuck. And one nightmare,

I'm watching the NCAA fucking finals. I swear to God. I'm just sitting there. I don't know nothing about nothing. I'm into basketball.

I'm interested in basketball. I could fucking rebound. I could jump, you know. I'm not a great shooter, but whatever. And I'm watching this fucking basketball game.

And they're announcing the starting this is national motherfucking TV and they're announcing the starting five players from North Carolina you know it's like to go to North Carolina

that's like fucking being a UFC fighter yeah I'm saying and submitting a motherfucker on national television that's what it's like to go to North Carolina where that was the basketball that was the top and North Carolina played

Marquette on national television for the national championship. This other team's coach was retiring that night. But fucking North Carolina was on a fucking row. But somebody had gotten hurt from North Carolina. There was an adjustment. I'll never forget that they announced the senator and then the two guards.

And then the forward and the forward, when they said he was in Jersey City, New Jersey. My fucking head blew up. I was like, what the fuck? Did he just say, and all of some, they started talking about this kid. They're like, this kid is a savage. And I'm like, a savage from New Jersey, a savage.

And they're like, he, the player before him got hurt on Saturday. And he went in there into the final four and scored 31 motherfucking points as a sixth man. Nobody's ever done that as a sixth man. Now they just said, fuck it, start him in the finals. and he was just a skinny, motherfucking white kid, and, you know,

there's 10 dudes on the fucking thing in those days, and there was only one white dude, and there was this dude, battling it out. And he got like 14 points and like eight rebounds, but after that,

I was like, fuck it. And some came from Jersey City could do it on national TV. We got to figure something out here, man. This kid was, and then reports came out. He's still around. Michael Corrin.

He's an announcer somewhere for TNT somewhere. But I'll never forget that moment like that made me so fucking happy and I didn't even know I can't imagine what your fucking family feels like yeah yeah it's gotta be crazy you gonna go home there's a parade and watch oh do do do do do do do well how do your jitzu school feel because that that would have been like especially since you submitted I think all three yeah yeah so you submitted all three like they must get pissed if you do with anything wrong like

Have any of your coaches been like, that was good, but I couldn't let them down. The technique was the little, you should put the foot here. Yeah. Yeah. Nah, yeah, they're happy. It's a team win, man.

But like when I win, that's all of us. When, you know, someone else from the team wins, team effort. You got some Jersey pride and shit. Hell yeah. You ready to rock and roll. Dude, you got to tell one of the Jersey stories that the world isn't ready for. One of the ones you've been holding back.

For the people. Let them know what's up. I have no. I don't even think that dark anymore. I have a child now. I've erased all those dark memories. Every once in a while, my body twitches in the middle of all night. I'm like, oh, Lord, please help me.

Don't let those memories come back to me at all. They're fucking hystericals. I don't, you know, man, I don't know. I don't know. There's a lot of sad story. It's just fucking funny story. I don't even know anymore. Who the hell knows, man?

I forgot to go on somebody's podcast three weeks ago. Like, that's how bad. I was so busy, I forgot. Like, who the fuck knows about dark, deep stories anymore? Jesus Christ. I'm fucked up. Let me tell you something. That transmission fluid.

Did a number? Huh? Did a number on you? Yeah, that transmission fluid fucks you out. Yeah. I can barely think talking to you. You really think it's the transmission fluid? I think it's that chunk.

Oh, the chocitation to mercury. waters also it's like a it's like a fucking boat what are we doing in Jersey with the water slide we always know a friend that takes us on the boat we water ski water ski oh what's that called people do it down the shore come on guys what the fuck what is it

tubing it's something else the same portland what is it wakeboarding no it's the ski water skiing water skiing water skiing water ski water skiing you know I remember going I was telling on the Rogan podcast We used to go down the shore. Hey, mom, before you went over the bridge to seaside, you dropped cages. A mass small room? Yeah, you dropped cages into the fucking ocean.

And on the way home, you came back, and there were crabs in there. And you'd go home, and my friends would make an Italian red sauce with the fucking crab. Those are my memories from Jersey, Doug. All that fucking craziness there. What do you eat a lot of in Jersey? You live with it home? Yeah, I'm clean, though. I eat pretty clean.

Do you? Yeah. No Chinese? Sometimes Why you got a recommendation No you're down watching I don't know nobody down there Yeah

I don't know nobody Yeah How fun I don't even know How to get to watch I got some good sushi over there It's a good sushi spot There's one good really good place

Mr. Pyes This is shit Listen bro Japanese have taken over New Jersey They got good fucking sushi Oh yeah In New Jersey What are you laughing about Lee

I just like the image Of Japanese Taking over New Jersey Do you remember in South Park When the Japanese were killing the dolphins? Do you remember, I don't know, you don't watch South Park, but in South Park they were coming in and killing dolphins randomly. So that's just my image of...

But in New Jersey. You could get good sushi in Jersey. I forgot all about that. Yeah. Yeah. In Fortley, New Jersey, I think it's the number one or number two, highly Asian population in the country. It was kind of men in the 80s.

it just took off. I don't, you know. They got good sushi in Fort Lee, Jack. Yeah. I got good food everywhere in New Jersey. That's the great thing about Jersey. There's always a diner. Oh, that's the best.

Dimes are the best. There's a lot of them, too. I had to meet somebody to eat today, and we went to stout. And we had the fries and the burger and a tremendous fucking burger, you know. great fries but those fries need some fucking gravy on they put the mozzarella on them yeah and they're skinny fries and they cheese them up pretty good but they need a little gravy on to take you back to that little cheeseburger deluxe 11 o'clock you have before you go home those little steak fries you go home that's like a fucking ooh a sleeping pill you sleep like a

baby under that blanket with a little cheeseburger deluxe in you dog the other night i saw the longest line ever for in and out burrow I have ever seen in the history that I have lived here, even longer than Hollywood. Hollywood line gets some long, I mean, guys, some fucking long lines up that street. What do you mean like three or four cars? This was way past the office. This was a block south past the office. That's how long.

We used to have an old office on Lancashire. it was fucking crazy on Sunday night I was like who would wait in that type of line for a cheeseburger what animal would wait on that type of line it kind of makes me want to time it but then I'd have to wait there and time it and you might as well shoot yourself you can't wait there unless you bring a cheeseburger with you

makes fast food slow there was a line today at the jack in the box right next to where I live It was like at lunch time, like down the street. I was like, what's happened? I never got her for lunch. Yes, you did. A couple times, but mostly for dinner.

What should we hit for dinner out here? What? Tonight. You haven't had dinner yet? No. We're going to eat. You're fucked. I'm fucked?

No, you're going to go to sunset. And you're going to go to a place named. That's perfect. We're going to a comedy store anyway. Yeah. If you want to go to the sunset, if you're going to go to sunset, this place is, uh, what time is it

940 I can't call the house well Joe what about sushi Dan I don't want them to spend 2,000 fucking dollars okay for fucking

I don't know any place that they could go to sushi that would just be neutral so what I would recommend is that Israeli place on sunset you go on there a nice piece of salmon okay with mashed potatoes

but I don't know the fucking Amora. Aroma. There you go. Boom. Bam. And you go right from aroma to the comedy store. What else is close to the comedy store?

The taco place on the corner. What else? Not mad at tacos. Mark McDonald's. They've known. The sandwich place by the Laugh Factory. What's that? The Ralphie found ants in the sandwiches.

No. I'll still clear. So your best bet for the bag. is that aroma. Nice little piece of salmon. See what's on the menu. Lee, read the menu.

Lee have nice, but you got the menu. You got the menu. Lee has a menu for everything. He's got 10 apps. Lee don't fuck around. No, I don't have the internet. He's got 10 apps,

plus he's got Yelp control. Plus he's got I-Spy network. The only shitty thing is you have to pay a park. There's always a, by the way, Lee. Just what's the menu? I'm looking. You're on sunset.

What are you think is going to happen? You want a fucking park? It's up here, too, though. What do you mean it's up here? I had to validate, I had to get a validation to go to Starbucks in Studio

City. Okay, here we go. I have no idea what he's talking about. There's a one on like cold water or something, somewhere around there that has like, you have to get, you have to get like a ticket from a machine. Okay.

they have a bunch of sandwiches do you want to read the sandwiches what's the location let's skip the sandwiches what's the location um not to go there sorry sunset in holly yeah yeah yeah 70 70 73 sunset yeah yeah 70 73 sunset yeah that makes sense the comedy stores 82 35 or 825 or something like that so this is right before the guitar center if you hit the guitar center you went too far you went too far you You valet parking there because the parking's a motherfucker in this clubs. That's goddamn fucking Tuesday night. These savages are out.

And you're parking there. You're going there. There was like three things that were getting there that were fantastic. But they used to give you this bread, like a grape bread with raisins in it. Hollow? This is when you put olive all on it. Fucking tremendous. It tastes like grapes.

Nothing. Fucking tremendous. I don't know how it is now. Do I can eat now? Because I was caught. Oh, no, no, no, no. You go to Toy. You like Thai food, right?

Yeah. There you go, toy. What about the Italian place in Hollywood? There's no Italian place. They're from New Jersey. I'm going to embarrass them. Okay, too. I'm going to embarrass them and take them with some fucking Italian place there from Jersey.

What they have on their corner is better whatever shit they're going to get here. What they have on their corner is better than these shit here. I wouldn't recommend these two savages, pizza or sandwiches. See what he said? I don't eat no fucking sandwiches. Down the block from him with blindfolds on, he'd get the best fucking sandwich that will kill any fucking sandwich. There's a place in Santa Monica.

They get the Jersey bread. No, you fucking don't. No, you don't. If I drive to Santa Monica, I ain't that Jersey bread. I'm going to be fucking pissed off. I don't eat that Jersey bread. You should go to Jersey mics. We got that in Jersey, too.

That's the embarrassing. to a guy like me. I can't understand how Jersey mics after like a week somebody don't go in there. Listen, the charade is over. All right. The charade is over.

I tolerated it for a week. I thought you'd go away, but there's a bunch of fucking idiots to have no self-respect for themselves. No self-respect for themselves, okay? No self-respect for themselves. I forget the guy's fucking name.

and it would be too late to call my friend. When I lived on 85th Street and Grand, if you walked to the corner, it left up the hill, there was a guy in there. He didn't have a full grocery store, but he always had Thumann's bologna, Thumann's ham, and that fucking sliced American cheese

that he'd slice fresh and shit. He got shot three times one time. He got robbed like $80. The next day that motherfucker was dead. Tip-top condition. You understand? You know, three bullets. Three bullets.

But the funny thing is, he made sandwiches. I was going to say, he sold beer. If you were like eight and you brought a note from your mother, he'd give you a gallon of vodka. He was one of those dudes. If you came out, my mother said to give you this and give you this $20 bill, he'd give you a gallon of vodka, a carton of cigarettes, and a book of matches, tell your mother I love her.

He was one of those fucking dudes. Or he put it on a tab. I had a tab of him. Brilliant. This guy worked all his life. life there guess what happens jersey mike comes along and opens up down the corner and now these fucking same people who've been buying great co-cuts great white bread from this guy go down the corner because they have a foot long for 695 or whatever the fuck it bro they have and i have nothing

against these restaurants i get it they have uh whatever what's an olive what's it olive garden on Times Square. What does that tell you? Who would fucking walk in there? It's like when you say the Sabaro in New York, you're like, are you crazy? Why would you go to Sabaro? What type of animal?

What type of fucking retard are you? And again, you know, they have all these hey, KKK and all these things. Why don't like fucking 22 angry white guys shave their heads and just start going through the, These places, listen, it was okay for a week. Again, out of God, you got to go.

We're not having it. No. Listen, first the fucking Italians can make it. Then we'll let a couple of Greeks make Italian food and a couple fucking Mexicans making. What's the other ones that are the half Italians? Russians? No. Because they're making it too.

No. Albanians. They own half of New Jersey. Yeah. Bam, there you go. They own half of New Jersey. Yeah, they're running deep. Yeah.

Yeah, they grow a mustache and tell you they're Italian. They don't give a fuck. One of the best Italian restaurants in Jersey is Albanian owned. I forget what the girl's name is. She's a radio DJ. There's a real good one. My close cousins are in Harrington Park in Bergen County. They got a restaurant right near there, a good Italian place.

I couldn't tell you the name, though. There's so many. That's what I miss, but when I go home, I know this. but there's still this place where I grew up named Roma. Oh my God, the best fucking stromboli in the world. And there are one of a few places that makes a shrimp parmesan. Are you kidding me or what? How come you didn't take me there?

Because I took you for Chinese, the important things. You could eat pizza, but it doesn't matter. What's your Chinese dish? I would never take you for pizza anywhere, anywhere ever again. because you'll still come back and go up to that fucking place, revolt, whatever the fucking name of it, and stand on line to eat fucking

manufactured outside the U.S. dough. That dough comes to the ship from, like, Bulgaria or something like that. For everyone, he doesn't like pizza rev. Yeah. Pizza what? Pizza, man, one of those places where you go, and you can, like, it's like the chippole of pizza. Gotcha.

He doesn't like that. It's not that I don't like it. It's the same reason why I don't like fucking Olive Garden. I don't like fucking Jersey Mike. It's the same reason. Because you're going in there with a half loaded gun and you're cutting

into the motherfuckers that are really doing the job. Sure, it's a half loaded gun. And he's more than the real deal. No. So these idiots go in there and for $2 left. And that's why real people would never come out. and open up a restaurant.

Because here's a guy, like your dad, who's 53, puts away his life savings, but he has a secret pizza recipe. Every time he makes his pizza, people pull their hairs out of the head. He borrows his money, he borrows $10,000 from her, $20,000

from me. He comes out here. He gets a great location. He's making pizzas. He's making a great living, man. But he's working six days a week, though. This don't come easy. And every day, it's 100 fucking pies. and all of a sudden he's waiting there smoking a cigarette outside

and he sees a family of three eating fucking a box of Domino's pizza meanwhile this guy gets some fucking cheese shipped in from Milwaukee he gets some nice tomatoes from a communist garden you know San Marzano

yeah you know what I'm saying that's what happens and all of a thing you lose faith and go why would I keep making this quality when they're never going to come over here Domino's has me with the advertising There's $7.99 plus they get sausage sticks.

They get butter fucking out. What else you get? They get three chicken wings. Cheesy bread. Cheesy bread. You know, lava cake. So that's the problem. And then there's suckers.

Then there's people who say, I wouldn't eat that shit if I was on a fucking island. My mom says my grandfather would roll over in his grave if we were in the Olive Garden. It's a very fucking embarrassing thing. Yeah. And that for people. Listen, when I go to Pittsburgh, I got to go to the Alem Garn. There's places I go to the... I don't eat the pasta.

I get the all-you-can-eat buns and salad and soup. It's the best bread day. You get that imitation pasta for Zool and the salad. Let me tell you something. The best thing they have is that salad. The all-you-can-eat salad, if it's crispy, if you go later, the thing sogs in the vinegar-in-all, and then you have fucking...

You have vinegar-in-all soup. No, no, no. When they first whack that motherfucker up, it's not bad. Trust what I'm telling you. I've been in some Dirk-Merk situations in Pittsburgh, and it was right next to the hotel. It was fucking snowing. What do you want me to walk around? I don't live in fucking Pittsburgh.

There's a comedy club, and there's a fucking whatever it's called. What are we talking about here? Olive Garden. All of Garden. One person is paying attention. Where are you headed, Ali, tonight? I knew we're Olive Garden, but I thought you meant before Olive Garden. You want another start, Lee?

Sure. Is it time for another star? It's always time for another star. Look at this. We haven't even put a dent in this this weekend. You should be ashamed of yourself, Lisa. Are you ready for a star death? All right, then.

The body of Christ compels you. It's like the exorcist, Lee. Tell him, the body of Christ compels you. I got to get a look at these little warlocks. The body of Christ compels you. It's sad. Savage. Savage.

Was that one? What? Let's give you one more. The body of Christ compels you, Lysayat. One more. We're going deep. Can we split it? No, split what?

What is the third grade? Split it. We're going deep into the murky wars. Lee Syatt. Let me explain something to you. Come on. We go deep all year long. This is the last four days before.

It's a Christmas episode. day that we're starting here from Cuban Jews that take it back to Egypt. This is it. We're starting a new organization for people who mean business. This is the last four days before Hanukkah. This is, how are we going to act? How are you going to, what are you going to sing? What are you going to do?

Eat another star. Look at this. The body of Christ compels you. You ever see the Godfather? Absolutely. The first one before they baptizing, the priest goes, ha, ha, ha, ha. Like this, look.

Ha. One more for the road. Don't like let his skin it. Fuck it. You got Uber tonight, right? This is going to be an interesting. You got money left on the lift card? I better.

Oh, good. Oh, God, Jesus. Can I get it. Fuck it. Leave it for the mouse. But no, he's that one is good for you. That one's got shoe strings up. Oh, I'm so high.

That's over there. I got you late. I got you. Right, man. Not you, pal. Be careful. Don't lick your fingers either, because. You're still in competition or something

I can click your fingers It's okay. It's only weed on it That's all that's on the floor Oh my god come. Put that bad boy away. They're gonna kick me out as soon as I walk into the casino It's gonna happen again Why is I kick me out? Look at my eyes

You think it was going away in 12 hours? Oh, okay. Okay. That's it. It's over. That's it. You're swallowed it. You drink some water.

You're ready to. You're ready to party, Jack. I can do it. I can do it. One second. You still got it. My body's like, no, please. Please don't do it.

Look at poor Lee, Syed. I want to take a minute and wish you guys a, Happy holidays and Merry Christmas and thank you for supporting this all year. You guys are some great fucking people and sometimes you just go off the rails here. Look at all right to his nose, drinking his last badge. It's the holidays, bitches. You want to be sad? Be sad on your own time.

There's no reason to be sad. Come on. You got family. You got peeps and shit. People get sad this time of the year. You got to do the opposite. Take a deep breath. Look for the future.

and get ready to get your dick sucked. That's all you can think about. You know what I'm saying? You're looking straight ahead. Fuck these mother. How are you feelingly? Look at you. And so this is Christmas.

Coley, that's it. And what have you done? Now you can say it. And what have you done? Tell him what have you done. Oh, Dean, Honorable. You did. Huh?

You did 1500 milligrams. Tell what we did? Oh. 400 days before Hanukkah. Oh. And so that's what you did. Four hundred. All right.

So, when do you want? When do you expect to fight next? I don't know. May. They'll suspend you because of the stitches, that 60-day thing. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I won't get back out of though.

You are? Heck yeah. Oh, yeah, no. Heck, yeah. It was tough. 24, fuck it. Yeah. I get so better, so quick.

Yeah. Oh, you need a steak on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and the stitches heel. Yeah. You're ready to go, gee money. It's all over. Six days a week, Jack. It's true. When you're 24, what do you need?

Roast beef sandwich. You're a little peroxide. You drink some peroxide. You're back. Fuck, yeah. Hell yeah. You're in a good position and a good time. Everything will peak perfectly,

and you'll be right there to fucking claim jersey and shit over there with the Miller brothers fucking it up. Lee, how we doing over there, all right? You're turning redder by the minute. Do you know how to sing changes? You look like you know how to sing. You look like you'd be good at karaoke. Yes.

Yes, you, Mickey. Oh, thank you. I don't know what changes. Changes is a song that Ozzy Oswald once sang. Well, he was a black Sabbath in 19, like the third album. How the fuck knows. And it's called I'm going through changes. It's called Changes.

But the main lyrics is going through changes. One that I'm sitting here, he's eating edibles like he's 10 over there. I'm talking to the guests like yourself. And I'm looking at his face and I can see him. Like thinking of his life, like you know, look in your face, you get like, oh yeah, I was 10. Like he had that, but he really couldn't talk or he had the microphone off. And all of a sudden I looked at him, I go, Lee, and also he came out of it. What?

And I know you're going through changes, aren't you? Because they're right. So he's over there going through changes right now. I just saw him a few minutes ago. Those last two stars. I'm trying to find. All right. You go right back in it.

You go back to five a day, six a days. Yeah, I do. Driving, the whole thing. Yeah, I do, I'll do double sessions five days a week. I used to do six. I used to do like six and then just one day off, but I like two days off. So I'll do Monday to Friday, double sessions, practice in the morning, we eat some food, practice tonight. In your position, you want to fight twice a year?

Maybe a little more. This time I fought three. Okay, this last time. Yeah, I thought I probably could have done. done four because it made me they gave me a big break between I fought in uh I fought February 6 and then I didn't fight till September I want to fight that summer they made me wait for punk you know what I'm saying that's a big break yeah I would have like to I think I could do three four a year you can move them quickly yeah you can move it

quickly especially the way you're training and whatnot no you look great yeah I mean like I said I knew you were fighting but I didn't see the countdown to the following morning and I'm like this fucking kid is the real fucking deal thanks man you went in there were you an underdog or you were a favorite

I think it's pretty even was it really even was it really yeah I think uh by the time we fought I think I was like a minus 140 and he was like a plus 120

plus 100 something like even you know yeah okay yeah so not much pretty pretty

pretty pick him pick him fight unbelievable how you fucking finish them yeah do that big I can do that and I can do that to anyone in the world drop him with a big shot choke him out once you hit him with that big shot

what is it what is it about the shot that you know that you have six seconds to put the cobra hooks of debt into them right as I hit him he went right down his butt

sat him right down and then he like took he like I could tell he was like on queer street because he took that little dive at me so I threw like an uppercut he started to protect his neck spun to the back and he that whole time he wasn't firing he wasn't

moving right he was fucked up from the shot yeah you that's that's the that you just fucking spawned on him like a like a fucking lights out of Georgia and I was like oh my God this is pretty goddamn amazing

I can't even think of making him move like that. What's up, Lee? It was a good fight and I just, I don't remember the guy's name, but the Cubs Swanson fight. His opponent called him out and he, Cub Swanson ended up winning. Have you ever thought, like, is it a lot of pressure to win

when you call someone out or is it not really? Yeah, but it's just pressure anyway. You know what I mean? Like, anyway, like when you're in the back, you're nervous as heck, whether it's, you know, you called him out and talked a bunch of shit or, you know what I mean? You don't want to get beat up in front of all your people anyway. Right, well, yeah.

Yeah, well, you never want to lose. Nah, heck, no, no, no. Listen, if you look at the UFC's history, the last three years in the growth, you got to talk a little bit. Yeah. You got to be like, not just an athlete, but an entertainer. Yeah, you got to talk a little bit. I mean, you can't fucking dye your hair and let your feet on fire and go in there because now you're putting more attention to the entertainment than you all to fight. But there's a light walk.

it's funny In the old days Whenever I saw a fighter Go on with dyed hair I would go Fuck I should have bet on the other guy And sure enough The guy with the dyed hair

Would lose Because they focused on the red hair You're thinking about your hair What the fuck guy You're supposed to be thinking About the goddamn fight Little things like that And maybe I was wrong a few times

But for the most part Any guy that walked in there With pink hair Or a show Three guys bowing in front of them over and quick too quick like and you're like holy shitty shitty

focused more on the entrance than the whole fight I used to think that I wrestle my senior year and when people would see the wrestlers with the tattoos they'd be like oh I bet he's good but that means he was sitting in a tattoo chair when I was out here lifting or throwing

someone around you know what I mean it's really fucked up the influence of the tattoo the last 20 years Yeah. Like, up to the time I went out of prison, the only way you had a tattoo is if you were in prison or you were a fucking,

they captured you in Cuba or the Chinese dudes or the Japanese yakuzine shit and all of a sudden it just went AWOL. Everybody got tattoos. They're everywhere. It is, you could not predict this 30 years ago. People are going to be having tattoos. People go,

get the fuck out of here because there was such a not a taboo against it but yes oh you're like a stigma there was a stigma about it you you met my mom joey my mom hates tattoos listen to me i went with a friend of mine we talked we got all coked up the night before we was 16 and i was going to put cocoa on my knuckles like ozzy osborne put ozie and we walked all the way up there and something was like Like, someday I'm going to want to get a fucking drop, man. And that's not, they're going to look at my hands. And I go, you know what?

I already got enough fucking shit against me at this age. The last thing I need is to put my fucking knuckle up my hands. And you know what? I would have fainted anyway. I can't see needles. So in a way, I'm kind of happy that. I got a buddy like that. What's that?

Passes out. Yeah, I can never be. I don't care how good of a fire. I could never, ever be in the UFC, play any professional sports, anything. Because I don't know how I'm going to react at certain situations. I don't know how I'm going to react at certain situations. I might see you get your head punched off and I might just walk away. I might see you get hit and your coach wipe your eye and then throw the towel down

in a live thing. and I'll look at the amount of blood on the towel and I'll have a nervous breakdown. Do you follow me? So I don't like that shit no more. I fucked with it. I fainted it one live UFC and I fainted one time at home

watching a live of a UFC event. The fight I fainted at, it was one of those La Palm fights. The Palms? The Palm and I was there with Ralphie Mae. All right. Ralphie Me was performing in Vegas. I asked Joe for a ticket.

he's sitting there. It's me, Ralphie, some chick with big fake tits next to a doctor, thank God. Same thing happened. It was a fight.

They fought the one guy opened the other guy up. I watched the whole thing go down. I heard the skin break. Damn. The guy goes, I heard the whole fucking thing go down. You know,

I heard them the announcers kind of saying, he's caught, he's cut, whatever the fuck. And also I saw him get up, and I saw the coach when as soon as he got up, The doctor comes over to you and puts his stitch, whoever puts the thing over the eye.

And when he got to the corner, he sat down. He threw that down. And my mind went down with the towel, and I saw there was no towel. It was just all blood. And all of a sudden, next thing you know, they're waking me up. They give them water and shit. What about when they have, like, when they're covering up the cut, and then they open it up and then it, like, squirts a little bit? Have you seen that happen?

From time to time, but I don't really focus on it. Once I see a towel over a sudden, I go for a fucking soda or a fucking water or something. You understand me? I don't sit there and wait and watch the blood squirt out of his fucking head. And I see it. Sometimes they get punched and you see the blood? I don't bother to watch the replay. I saw it over it.

I saw it squirt out. You see a mouthpiece fly out. Things like that. I don't want to see the fucking guy squirt. Sometimes I watch it and guess what? He's bleeding to death and nothing happens. So that's why I don't like watching that shit, because I don't know how I'm going to react.

Why do you think about that then? What do you think that, Lisa? You don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about, for Christ's sake. What are you going to do after you leave here? You're going to go home and get some Reese. I want to give her a happy holiday shout out to all the motherfucking people who listen to this podcast. Like I said, I know there's a heavy time of the year.

You know what? I love year and everything like that, but snap out of it, cock suckers. 2017's coming. It's over. I want to give a big shout out to my man, Matt Holmeier and Lorne Rosinker and Darcy J. Watt and Aoswere and Alibaz and Carmen Colisemo and Johnny Utah

and Tal Jaffe, Brookie and fucking Uki Spooky Damanuki and, you know, all the motherfuckers. My people in Austin. You know, I love you cocksuckers with all my heart, man. Thank you for listening every week and shit like that. And that's it, man. What else is your next plan of attack? Do you need to be?

You just want to keep fighting. I don't want to fucking... Keep fighting. No films, no, nothing. You don't got time for that shit. Keep fighting. That's what I like to do. Just tell the motherfuckers.

You know what? I'll tell you what I will do. Say, listen. Give me 20 mil to hold me. I'm 24, and I'm 20 and I'll be worth double that. And I'll give you three films. But they all got to beat Charles Bronson remakes. Boom.

Boom. And I choose them. Boom. And we got to remake them. Uncle Joey picks him like Charles Bronson. We're doing, to his extent, at that next level. How would he do death wish now with what's going on in New York? You know what I'm saying?

Well, he just buys sticks of dynamite and throw him at motherfuckers. Like, surprise and just blow motherfuckers up. If we're going to start remaking. something let's remake it even better you know but let's keep it how these motherfuckers would do it they're gonna remake everything they're gonna remake the honeymoons you do know that right they rebooted the honeymoon is on cbs to a guy like me that would be a complete slap in the face man unless i play fucking ralph cramp if i play ralph cramp then we could get this party started the right way but he always says he's gonna send it to the moon he can't say those things

he can't say a lot of things that he would say that's true he can't say no bang zoom one day Alice he can't threaten her almost he can't call Norton stupid none of that stuff there was never any but there was see there was brilliant episodes

of the honeymooners see the honeymoon is at the end at the end of Saturday Night Live it's a great show and all but count how many fucking writers they have when you watch the honeymoon it's two writers and Jackie Gleason you grew up on the honeymoon

you? I've seen it but no I didn't grow up on it you grow up on it see what kind of generation this one fucking talking about and they're on WPIX constantly and shit listen before you get into any other comic watch certainly Christmas

Day watch Jackie Gleason God damn that's a good episode yeah they got my grandma got the tapes it's a marathon it's a marathon It's a marathon in Jersey all day on Wednesday, on Saturday. That's what you do, Christmas Day. You go for a walk, you get tuned up, you come back, you spray bonaca, a fucking mouthwash and shit. You put Visina in your eyeballs.

Where'd you go? I was worried about you. I had to go for a walk. There was burglars in the neighborhood. A couple of humans and Puerto Ricans and shit, they were driving. They were playing Alabama music. And also, they're like, let me cook for you. You sit down and there's the honeymoon.

take your shoes off, they make your hot cocoa, and you don't go nowhere. If you're really fucking lucky on Christmas Day, you got March of the Wooden Soldiers with fucking, which they play, but see, people wouldn't watch that shit today. You guys wouldn't even think of watching that shit today. That's history right there. What who gives a Frenchman's fuck league? What do you got playing for Christmas Eve? Christmas Eve.

Well, that's the big one for Paula's mom. So what's she doing? What's she making? She cooking a goat? She's going to kill her. No, I think it. Isn't Christmas tamales? I don't know what it is.

I'm pretty sure it's tamales. So Christmas Eve, you're going over there? Oh, yeah. And where are you going on Christmas Day? No plans is right now. Look at you. You said tamales on Christmas? On Christmas Eve, yeah.

You grow Mexican? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I'm into people are going to get mad. I like tamales. My favorite are the sweet ones, though. I'm not like the, the Masa thing is real heavy for me.

I like it, though. You try to eat 18 plates of tamales. Who eats 18 fucking plates of a mom? A mom doesn't stop. You look at two tamales. You go, let me get a red one pork. And let me get a green one, a little spicy. You pull him in.

You put a little sauce on that motherfucker. A little bit of cheese to dilute the fucking spiciness. And you eat them like a soldier. And you say they're very good. And you walk away. Yeah, you do that. But then her mom serves them with rice. And then her mom comes by and gives you more.

What type of rice? Rice, yellow, wrecked Mexican rice. Of course. So you eat it, Lee. What the fuck? I do. You go back home, you do some kettlebells on the balcony, and you're balancing it out. You know what I'm saying? Why are you playing games in me for?

You know how it's done? It's you that you go bananas. I know. And I would go bananas too, but you can't. You got to control yourself. You're a savage. You're a student of the game. Cocksuckie eating Blue Apron.

I know. I am. How are you going to be eating Blue Apron and then go over there? And eat 18 tamales. I can't eat 18 tamales, that's my point. What type of loyalty we're talking about? My buddy Larry got at me a hotel where they have cheeseburgers for $2.99. I might just move there.

I know. And I know he already yelped it and everything. Other cheeseburgers made a goat or fucking Armenian meat that was killed in Glendale and fucking mafia meat dipped in whatever. What do you go is my main little brother? Champ. Be champ. Keep winning.

Make some money. One step of the time, my friend. You've got all the fucking utensils. You got sidekicks for Jesus. Yes, sir. Uncle Joey will be talking about you. Thank you. When I go to Jersey, I'll be dropping your name.

What, bitch? Let him know. So you're moving to lightweight? Yeah, yeah. So dropping down a little bit. Two Jersey guys in the lightweight division. So what are you weighing now? Like, uh, so I can make $170 pretty easy,

but I'll walk around on that, like $1.90. but if I if I die and like stay on my like fight camp diet just a little longer just do the drop the water I'd be a champ You want to go down the 155

Yeah thinking about it No shit Think about it yeah Think about it Jim Miller told me I should My buddy Billy D told me I should And I think I could you know

I'll eventually be the champ at 72 70 as well But I think I could be a champion 55 in like a couple years year too I'll be huge for that so for you to fight at 155 to be on

it's not fucking you need to walk around at 170 I know that's the fight week I'm like I easier said than done when you live in New Jersey though yeah that's right I gotta be like discipline

like I gotta have a crappy month I'm not gonna enjoy food but then after like now like I'm in that spot where I can eat you know what are you way now right now I'm probably about like 90 right now. So once you go into camp, what do you eat? What kind of practice? I switch it up. I go clean, clean. I only do like carbs. Like I do rice only like before and after workouts. Like if I, like, and if I go to 55, I'll have to, I'll do that and I'll just portion. I'm just like, I'm a gobone. Like I'll crush. I'll eat a lot when I eat, you know? So I just got to kid. But like I'll overdo it. If I control like my portions and whatnot, I could be all right. Oh, it's so weird.

Like, when you're in high school, when you get out, those college years, you're still working out with that high school intensity. You could fucking eat, dog. You could eat. You know, I used to eat a box of cereal like nothing. It's crushing. Like nothing. Box of cereal, two eggs, bread, bacon, and walk around like nothing. No farting.

No shitting afterward. I could still put away another eight ounces or whatever you got. You know what I'm saying? But I kept it low just in case I'd bump into something. I go over to the Mickey's house and then mom's got a cheese island with potatoes or something and she invites me in I can't deny you know what I'm going to disrespect

and shit like that dog I wish you all the fucking luck in the world thanks man I appreciate it it's cool to be on here talking you big fan it was cool to have you on and stuff Garnett I want to thank Garnett Garnett yeah yeah he's a good fucking man let me just do two things here and you get out of here go eat go jump up and down

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That's headspace.com slash joey. I want to give a shout out to these fucking savages because I love them with all my heart. Again, the bidet is back, bitches. I don't know if you people know it. You're ready to get the dream gift. A bidet is back. Do you even know what a bidet does? No, you don't.

You strap it on to your toilet. It's portable. You don't even need a plumber. You do you need nothing. You strap it on. You tap some fucking screws. And next thing you know, next time you walk 10 miles,

next time you take a big dump. You know, sometimes you take a dump. And even if your wife, you're muffler, you leave that room and you're like, you know what, something ain't right. Even though I took a shower 20 minutes ago, you ever take a nice shower? You put your clothes on, and all of a sudden you got to take a shit, and you're like, what I take a shower for? God, I might as well start your day over.

Yeah, now you walk around and your self-conscious, you got rotten ass, no more. And now you can hit it again in 20 minutes, because sometimes you wipe your ass. But mysteriously, you go for a walk or something or a long job, and also you get rotten ass all over again. Those days are done. Before you even leave the house, you hit that little fucking moor. muffler with some water and bam no fucking germs no swamp ass no nothing tell him lee break it down for the dude is a whistle i like it i i start my day with it i i shower after i work out but dude i when i when i wake up in the middle of the night sometimes i turn the heat on because in the

morning gets fucking cold so but then i get all cuddly in the bed and i get sweaty and that's not nice so before i go to the gym i always use it's great i start every day with it and you know what It's fresh water and it cleans your muffler. You know what I'm saying? Because sometimes you're sitting there overnight. You get that rotten. You get a Starbucks. You try to order coffee.

There's a girl, funny, attractive woman. And she's with some fucking Johnny Harvey. You know, he gave her a stabbing the night before. But she spent the night. But she didn't take a shower. How do you know? Because she's got that rat nest behind her head. And you're sitting there going,

and this chick didn't even wash that monkey this morning. No more. You can go, listen, honey, I gave you a stour. stabbing last night, watch that fucking rotten condom smell out of your muffler with my fucking. Hit that a day, baby. You don't got to walk around with that dead fucking condom skunking your little monkey. Oh, my God. What I'm trying to say is go to hellotushy.com right now slash church, bitch.

Get 10% off your order. You need this for the stucking stuff is the stuckings. stuff is whatever the stuff and stuff is whatever you stole whatever the fucking stuff you can get hello tushy dot com slash church oh shit bitches oh my god it's a beautiful night to be alive listen this is the gift you've been looking for everybody wants to know you know what i worked hard all year what i want to get myself i need another tv for the bedroom that's going to disrupt my sleep I need a new car like I need to commit suicide

You know what? Really? I'm going to buy a new car To pay 1800 a year insurance And to get tickets Out of a buck 20 Your fucking bang Fuck you

You know what I'm going to do I'm going to get myself a bidet I'm going to fucking take a shit from now on And just sit there with hot water Sprinkling my ass I'm going to turn the lights off I'm going to put my feet up I'm going to see if I got order

Some Chinese women For 22 an hour I can pedicure my feet feet with hot water hitting my asshole. That's a fucking goal you want to achieve in 2017. And I'm giving it to you tonight. Hellotushy.com slash. Church.

Bam! 10% off. One more time headspace. And my main motherfucker is over it on it. Throwing heat. Go over there for the supplements. I'm telling you. You're getting into Jiu-Jitsu.

Get that shroom tech sport and fucking take two of those. Take them before my fights. Yeah. Take them all the time. Love on it. You're jumping up and down. Everything's beautiful, all right? Go to honor it and slash in.

Church. Boom, and get 10% off delivered to your house. Who's better than your uncle Joe? Talk suckers. Nobody. I just got your shroom tech, and I'm like your asshole washed like that. Bam, pa,

ba. I don't even know what the fuck I'm trying to put together. Yo, Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart. To all you, motherfuckers, the lingus is, it's just too many. Bob La Lingus. What are you laughing?

I love it. The Chicago Mafia. Tenth Planet. Fucking Dead Squad. Fucking, my man, Mickey Galt family and his sisters. You guys, you bad motherfuckers. Thank you for coming on for you listening, for you listening to the stories, for you listening to our racist and disgusting remarks and not reporting us to the IRS for many reasons.

You understand me? We love you, man. And I can cut the shout out from Montsaboz's hand. is your Ari show coming up soon and this is the last show? Tomorrow night, that's right. Look at Lee Syatt. Look at Lee Syatt.

The assistant for the assistant, to the assistant, to the assistant, to the assistant show director. There he is. Okay, can, for that and the last show, and one of the last shows of the year, maybe. Turn on your VCRs.

Right now when you download this, it's Wednesday. Do me a favor. I'm on, this is not happening. But go ahead, Ari. I'm sorry to interrupt you, my brother. No, I was just saying, Can I get one of the assistants cut off for that assist?

Okay, you're the assistant to the assistant to the assistant. How's that? Making new business cards today. Bam, see, you got that last. Just put Scott's case. And I want to thank you for coming on. Thank you. You made a fan of a believer out of me, and you did it in a weird way.

Because I watched that footage. Next thing you were fighting them. And I didn't understand if you had fought and I missed it. I'm like, well, how the fuck did the, where the fuck have I been? Do I smoke that much marijuana? And then after what I realized, and you were fighting again, I'm like, look at him.

This motherfucker was going for people's... Going for it. Oh, shit. Little by little. Like a Jersey motherfucker like Sinatra, fresh and hoboken out of 19th Street. He said, fuck, I ain't letting these people hold me down. What the fuck am I talking about?

I'm not doing edibles no more. I'm on this show. You understand me? Merry Christmas. And we'll be back next week. We are doing a podcast next week. It's a surprise fucking podcast for you. motherfuckers. I love you guys. Have a great weekend. Have a great time for your

families. Thank you for supporting us. Play something way. Make something up. Okay. It took you too long. You slip and say, well, uh, what happened?