The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #445 - Joey Alvarado

Episode Date: January 9, 2017

Joey Alvarado, creator of kettle-jitsu and the KB Strength and Conditioning 8 week program, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio.   This podcast is brought to you by:   ZipRecruiter - post your job for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   Helix Sleep: Go to helixsleep.com/JOEY to get $50 off of your order off your custom mattress.    Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/JOEY for 20% off of your first order and shipping is always free in the US and Canada.    Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Seeso: Seeso is the new ad free streaming service. Bingeable comedy. Anytime. Anywhere. Use code JOEY at checkout for 2 months free. Watch Joey's Special, "Sociably Unacceptable" Now!   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 01/08/2017.
    

Kick that horse Lee. This show, the church of what's happening now, is presented by On It. This show is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. ZipRecruiter allows you to post your job on all of the top to 200 of the plus job sites, including social media. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash church right now to post your jobs for free, ZipRecruiter.com slash church. The show is also brought to you by Miundis. Go to meandies.com slash Joey right now to get 20% off of your first order.

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Oh, shit. The first real Monday of the motherfucking year. Lee. The first real Monday of the motherfucking year. The church of what's happening now, bitches, little motley crew getting the party started. Oh shit. Moves lacking. Are you kidding me or what?

Lee Syatt, my little Jewish flying friend. And my main man, Professor Joey Alvarado, dropping in to start the year off on the right motherfucking foot. Here we go. That's right. Here we go. Pick that mulee.

Blow up the speakers. I want the computer to blow up. Fuck Apple. Are you fucking getting me or what? Do you hear? You made it. Another beautiful fucking weekend that arrived. It went.

And that's it. The bullshit's done. The Armenian Christmas is over. The Cuban Christmas is over on the 7th. And any fucking other three kings Are they going to show up? Showed up yesterday, all right? So that's it, it's over.

Put the tree away. Stop talking about the shit you got for Christmas. 2017's here. Looking you straight in the eye and what do you want to do? You want to dick around again another fucking year? Fuck that shit. They ain't going to fuck around this year. Trump's going to take over and tighten the seatbelt, bitches.

If you ain't stealing, you better start. If you didn't get that gun yet, you better fucking get it. You better get BBs, a scope. the whole fucking thing because you know what Trump's going to do he's going to move immigrants into your house fuck Airbnb they got all your Airbnb

addresses they're going to start moving immigrants to your house and give you a 60 a day see how much you like your Airbnb cuckagagga what's up Lee I'm doing really good man that was fun today

yeah my daughter's a birthday party you know we got some kids from school we got some kids we know my wife you know My wife is a Gentile, so she believes the weatherman. The weatherman can suck your dick. Listen, when you wake up in the morning, that's the weather. I don't believe nothing.

If they tell you six inches, it's two inches. If they tell you a big storm and the levee's going to break, don't believe nothing. They said there was going to be two storms, Johnny, whatever, on NBC. You're going to be another storm and the other storm. When they picked us up for the Calusa Casino Friday, I go, listen, I don't even know if you guys are getting out tomorrow. Because this road is going to fucking be flooded. the next day we were fucking nothing nothing happened

the plane they didn't serve as cocktails or soda because you can't predict mother nature man but listen don't believe shit till it's shit they said Sunday it was going to be dead and Saturday how nice was it today it was beautiful I was wearing shorts fucking beautiful beautiful day to be alive

it was my daughter's fourth birthday it was tough in the morning once I got it there it was easy to pain went away I couldn't believe she was fucking turning for wow Damn, Joey.

My wife was very happy. My wife made cupcakes and fucking dressed up the tables with Felicia Michaels. They went there at 10 in the morning. And me and my daughter watched the end of Rambo First Blood. Yeah. And we watched fucking the beginning of Rocky together. She was watching. Which Rocky?

Rocky One. The Bible. The Bible. There's only one story better than Rocky one. My cousin's in that Rocky movie. The first one? Yeah, Eddie Animal Lopez. He was like from Big Hazard in Holland Park.

He fought spinks for the heavyweight belt. His name is Eddie the Amel Lopez. What part do you play? He's a part where Rocky went back and he was cleaning up the gym. Yeah. And then he was picking up that spit bucket and that guy was talking shit to him in the ring. That's my cousin Eddie now. Okay.

All right. Yeah, he was big. He was even in a movie with Barbara Streisand and Ryan O'Neill called the main event. Did you ever see that? The main event? He saw that movie. I know. I knew.

He's in that movie too. Yeah. You know, Rocky's one of those movies that you've seen 20 times. More than 20 times. TNT is on. The game's a blowout. and you're scrolling and you get to it. And any time you get to Rocky,

it's just a great part. It's just a great part. And the night before, I called Lee, and I go, Lee, I'm watching Rambo. Now, in 1984, professor, I went off the deep end, right? So on 85, I had to move and lay low. So I had this route. I lived in, like, Bergen County, New Jersey.

I would take a bus to Fort Lee, and I was so poor. I had money for the, essentially. I was so poor that I'd saved the four dollars and I'd walk over the George Washington Bridge I'd walk over and I'd get Cuban food by the hospital and then I'd walk two blocks to get a nickel bag of weed I'd roll a joint and I'd smoke it on the walk nobody said dick to you without a license with a license that was Harlem Jack I'd walk smoking the joint and I'd go no movie theater because I'd kill time till 5 o'clock and I saw there was two movie theaters

There was one and a hundred This had to be 181, 178 If anybody knows, tweet me tomorrow When you listen This movie theater was on the corner A Broadway and a hundred right there In Washington Heights But there was one that was down the block

That one was a two for two dollar type Where the floors was sticky Every once in a while they did porno once a month And people would jerk off and shit But it was next to a Carvel So I'd get ice cream and going there And I'd seen like Office and the Gentleman

Oh, that's a great movie Yeah, and American Gigolo. I saw Stephen Bauer double feature there. I saw Scarface. The other one was like a double Richard Gere. Yeah, that's what they do. They show like Dirty Harry and that one for two bucks. But up the corner, they showed, you know, the movies that came out,

the ones that you wanted to see that came out Friday. Now, Professor, I don't know if you still remember when Rambo 2 came out. Rambo First Blood. Rambo 2 was when he went to Vietnam. right that's the one where they electrocutor yeah yeah he's talking shitty russian and he's the same guy that's in beverly hills cop yeah right now he's a russian and shit do you complain i bought the mission all that shit let me tell you something so i haven't i hadn't seen rambo the first one and it's on and i got a few hours to kill till five o'clock but when i walk in i realize holy shit this is a black

movie theater. Oh, wow. So I sit down, you know me, I don't give a fuck. What's happening, brother? You know what I? Salam al-a-ma-lakem, I sit down. I watch the fucking movie. Let me tell you something. All black people have a white quirk. Like, I had a friend that was a Crip, but he was an Adam Sandler fan. And then I had another friend that was straight up gangster, afro, black power.

But don't you be talking no shit about who do he like? Who the fuck did he like? The Beatles. Oh, wow. The Beatles. Blacker than black, soul music, soul power, honkies. But man, the motherfucking Beatles of the shit. Do you think I'm a lot of black people's guilty, white guilty pleasure like that? Yeah, yeah, that's why I am. When fucking Rambo.

I guess so. I've seen black people go crazy in movie theaters because I lived in New York City, so I would catch black movies. I loved it. But I never saw black people go as crazy as on Rambo. They like Rambo? Oh, first blood part two when he's in the movie. mud and he opens up his eyes and he comes out with the knife and he stabs the white dude black people went bananas but what black people lost that mind was when he takes the arrow

with the grenade on it yeah yeah and he loads it up against the vietnamese dude and the dude is shooting at him he ain't flinching he's got a grenade and he fucking launches it when that grenade hit that chinese dude and boom up chinese people nearly had a fucking heart attack in the movie theater I loved it. I turned around. It was fucking beautiful. Oh, man. Black people loved John Rambo.

And it made me, watching that movie, it made me realize something. Fucking at that time, Sylvester Stallone was a huge star. Oh, my God. Jesus fucking Christ. He was... He was huge.

When Rambo 2 came out of 85, June of 85, that motherfucker packed movie theaters across the fucking world, Jack. And all his movies were themed American. Like even Rocky. I was watching the Rocky. I watched Rocky today takes the girl home

and they make out and they fall on the floor. By the way, the best line then the American made movie in the last 40 years. When he goes, Rock, I hear she's guitared. He goes, she's been tired. He goes, she ain't retarded. He's just a little shy. That movie has If you're going to shoot a movie,

Doug, please watch Rocky before you shoot your stupid fucking movie. Did he write? He wrote that thing. He wrote, directed it. That motherfucker is a genius dog. You know, gave away his dog. He's a genius. They had no extras. Today, Steve Simone said they had no extras in the ice.

People talk about that fucking Goodfellers scene. But when they were ice skating, professor, whoever shot that? They weren't fucking around. He's telling about South Paul. You know where South Paul came from? His elbow was pointed south. South Jersey, South Camden. South Paul, you know, like he's talking to.

But the best scene is when he goes to knock on the door. He knocks, before he knocks on the door, he looks at Paul. He goes, oh, hey. And he goes like this, like, he's going to box the door. And then he goes up against the door. He goes, I never talked to a door before. I feel kind of stupid. And he's like, Paul, he's like, talk to her.

And he's like, I can't. It's a fucking door. That's all. Comedy that people don't know about today, that you don't need to write. I went to a meeting a few weeks ago, and I told the dude. I go, you know what comedy is, man? When Joe Pesci and De Niro are sitting at the table with Joe Pesci's mother, and you got a body in there.

And you're eating and you're hanging out like it's nothing but you got a fucking body And then that is you take a knife from your mother to cut the guy to finish him off That's real comedy like to me that's that made me laugh that's like natural who the fuck daughter that shit yeah that's chemistry man they had good chemistry between one another Lee look at the shape of you you have I'm already going through changes but you have a look of panic on your face changes What's happening professor starting up the year with a new fucking DVD I see you there every fucking day putting your little six for five during the morning

when I wake up you already have posted up you do Facebook live and you get people watching you and it's pretty fucking interesting when I came from Cuba all I remember as a child that 9 o'clock on ABC or one of those channels you have to look it up

what's his name came on every morning and in those days 50% of people ran with that motherfucker who's the dude No, the dude before. That's what I was thinking, too. The dude who invented Richard Simmons. Dude before Richard Simmons.

He just died. Oh, Jack Lorraine. Jack Lorraine. Well, that was a kid. Jack Whaleen was on fire. He was the fucking man, dude. He was the fucking man. He was like way ahead of this time.

The news and 9 o'clock is Jack Elaine. And he fucking did exercises with you. And then he made a protein shake with you. He had a gym out here too. He had gyms all over the country. But he didn't hang out in there. It was like Jack Whelaine. I didn't know he had a chain of him.

Yeah, they were all over the country My mom said she used to work out the window over here somewhere I don't know where back in the day So right now with With new technology A person like yourself could get a GoPro Put it in front of fucking Alberto's thing Totally and at 5.30 in the morning if you're broke

And that's what half the people that are selling digital downloads That's what they do You could just use your cell phone nowadays But like actually I have like In Burbank you know we have a lot of people that work in the industry And one of my students Michael He's a camera operator So that guy brought in like all my shit is like legit like with the same stuff he uses on the set on Disney movies and everything he brought in there he brought the lavalier

He had his camera on his shoulder. He had the other camera. I mean, it was legit. So it's not something that I just whipped up on my My Galaxy note. I was actually considering it until he offered I was like man like how am I going to film this next project? You know, because it's not it's not cheap hiring a professional cameraman, you know or camera operator. That's what the call him you know it's crazy that when rogan found out i was at alberto's he came to me and he goes how's this guy he's he's a fucking great that guy he knows what he's doing i go i know he does the kettlebells but i've never been to him and i know he's a great teacher he teaches the fundamentals class and that's when i got turned on to your kettlebell thing and i watch it i don't think i can make a class i think i wouldn't be able to walk for four days oh man i do five sets of cleans you think i'm going to kill you joey i do five sets of cleans i do five sets of cleans i do five sets of

Swings maybe six. I do some squats the way you do with your arms like this. I do a couple of those. I tried doing that. See, that's a thing. That's a misconception people have like a lot. Like a lot of students at Legacy Man. And some of the girls are the tough girl boot camp.

They're like, oh, we want to try your class, but we're like, we're afraid. I'm like, what do you guys think I'm going to do? Like kill you. I adapt the workouts for everybody, man, because like I have my regulars that come and they're pretty advanced. But then I have people that pop in just for the first time and two. So I'm watching everybody and watching what you. about adapting exercises for you.

I'm telling that you're allowed to take breaks. Some people, you know, they push you and push you and push you. But, I mean, if you do that, you traumatize people and you scare them, you know. I'm not there to do that. Like, I want to keep you. I'm not trying to scare you away. So I never push anybody harder than the need to be pushed, you know, you know your body better than I do. So I'm always asking you, hey, how do you feel?

You want to take a break. Take a break. It's okay. Don't try to keep open with everybody. Yeah. But, you know. What a fucking great combination. 530 kettle bells and then six.

30, you get out of that at 7.30, you wash your pussy. You have a fucking protein shake and you go to work. In your case, you wash your pussy and your bidet. Yeah, you watch a little portable bidet. My little portable bidet, but it's fucking crazy. You know, before I got locked up, Professor, the UPS guy at Hertz, was this dude that looked like fucking Tarzan. And I asked him.

Like with long hair and was he buffed? No, no, no. Short hair, white dude. Good fucking solid white dude. I would talk to him every day about different shit when they got, I got to ask you something. Because at that time, I was in good shit, but I knew I was going to get locked up.

So I was in tip-top shape, my running condition. I rode the bicycle to fucking hurts. You know, I was 25. And I asked him, he goes, I swim. And I go, do you teach? He goes, no, no, I go to this group class professor. It was at 6.30 and 7.30. But he goes, go to 6.30 because she'll have more time to work with you.

A swimming class? Oh my God, professor. It was called Master Swimming in Paraguay. Oh, wow. Now, swimming's no joke, man. No, no, professor. She hadn't set. Everybody, she was a Hawaiian chick that did that fucking thing in Hawaii.

What thing in Hawaii? The thing when you got to swim and you got to ride the bike and you got to run. The Ironman? Oh, the Ironman competition. Yeah. So that's just Jane something. That's what she did. So the people that were in that pool were triathlete.

So you go in there, she'd go up to a blackboard or she'd be yelling with. a whistle and she'd go lee siat give me four 40s and 60 seconds pulling give me another 440 and 53 seconds kicking and then put it all together and give me 440s in 60 second with a minute interval of breathing and that was your workout for the day i don't even know what you're yeah yeah yeah yeah so it would be 40 would be one way so 4 40s four times 440s that's what would you do Oh my God, the first time I jumped in the pool, she goes, she jumped in the pool, let me see you swim. And I did a bunch of things, and I was moving like a gorilla, and I looked up, and I was hitting the wall. And she goes, we're going to work together from scratch.

And the first three classes, she just made me hold a wall and kick. Yeah. The problem is you're moving like a gorilla in the water. And then you want to move like a gorilla. No, no. Who the fuck? Who knows how to swim legitimately? It's like when we went away to Vegas, and I went to the gym, and I'm on the gym getting warmed up, and I look at my friend's girlfriend.

I didn't even know it was my friend's girlfriend until I look at it and the reason why I looked at it and I'm not because she was attractive. I looked at it because her running form was perfect. You know, and for people to see that, she was born and raised in Russia. They teach you how to run in Russia correctly as a child. And I've always, I told Rogan on the podcast and I told I was telling Lee that when you first get the Joe Namath football camp, the first thing they do after you eat is before you eat is they run you in the 40 and they write it down. And then on Monday through Friday, before you put pads on or a helmet, they teach you how to run correctly. And on Friday, before you get on the bus, they go, run a 40.

And often they show it to you, and they go, you beat your speed by this much. And you're like, I didn't come in here faster. No, they show you how to run. Nice. It's like what you do with a guy like me. You go, Joey, slow down. Once you pass his guard, rest for a minute. Watch his arm.

You know, there's little breathers as you move along that you learn. The same thing is it running. Same thing, we were talking one time on the podcast about pitching. I guarantee you're a big strong guy, and I come up to you and go pitch in front of the guy from the, just like Major League. He throws 95, but he got no control. But if I teach him a little control,

maybe he could pitch 90, but he could pitch with control. I'll teach you how to pitch effectively. The technique behind pitch. The pivoting, effective, yes. Follow through and all that stuff like that. And that's what always kind of,

that's why whenever I, I keep my kettlebell movements real easy. Like the one movement you do between the legs, I tried that. Now I'm just getting me a nervous breakdown. Figure rate, yeah. Because, like, you know, like, a lot of, one of the things people do is they see the videos that I post and stuff like that and they just try it. Those videos aren't really meant to be instruction. I'm just showing you guys like what I do over there.

But like the instructional is that's different. You need to go to the gym and learn how to do it and how I, how I, how I, they don't see how I work up to those exercises. You know what I mean? Because I do nothing with body. weight first and I'm doing a lot of times we're doing the body weight movement before we even do it apply it to a kettlebell you know I mean that way you you you practice the mechanics first and warm your body up first before you even touch a kettlebell because like I don't like I don't touch a kettlebell until I'm thoroughly warm there's a lot of ego involved with weightlifting like just even with

even with myself just because I like I don't want like I'm like oh I don't want to do a 16 I want to do a 20 kilogram but I also don't want to throw my back out no you don't so like it's it's it's It's a hard, it's a hard balance to like to increase your weight because you don't want to get stagnant. Yeah, I don't care how much weight you live. You can live. It doesn't mean that you're strong. Like people that do a real heavy one Turkish get up.

Right. Like, who cares? You know, like try doing an alternate Turkish get up for two minutes straight. That's a little bit more practical. Jesus. You know, you're going to burn more fat. You're going to work more muscles, you know, and you're not going to hurt yourself. Let me ask you something.

Go for it. Let's pretend you're a big gal. like me. And you really want to use the kettlebell for cardio for weight loss. Shouldn't it be like weightlifting where I want to get stronger and put on weight, so I'm going to do 300 pound deadlifts. Now that I want to not, I feel a lot better that I eliminated that 45 pound kettlebell from my life. I eliminated that one. It just wasn't, I was walking around sore for no reason. I started working out. I started working out. with a 35 and I feel a lot better professor yeah I had it bent over rows I had it curls

at the end to really sweat it up a little bit I got a bag I hit the bag I jump a little rope I don't do nothing no more when I when I because the first place I went to for kettle bells where Lee went to it's the Russian you open up with fucking 140 pound deadlifts that's crazy and then we would do swings and there was really no cardio you were walking around just yeah see like the way I do it is you're going to to work your whole body in that one hour work. Are you going to work all your muscles, all your major muscle groups?

You're going to do your pushing, you're pulling, you're squatting, your hinge and everything. So when you're hitting all your muscles at once, your heart rate shoots up and you start burning fat a lot faster, as opposed to lifting like a body builder does. A bodybuilder is going to do us, they always do like split workouts where they'll do like chest and back one day.

You know what I mean? So there's no cardio involved. They do their cardio like by running or whatever like that. But in my class, man, you can burn up to like 600 calories one one hour easy because you're gonna you just work your whole body I use like different protocols and I have something I call anaerobic pyramid conditioning and aerobic is just you know it's like doing a sprint as opposed to going for a job you know I mean that's how I structure my workouts just like fighting like

jujitsu right one minute you're like scrambling around trying to pass somebody's guard and then next minute you're kind of chilling for a second and then you're doing it again you're doing like a full body movement at once and then you're breaking so that's how I structure the workouts just kind of like fighting hence the word kettle jitsu but yeah but it sounds like you're doing good but like it always helps to have somebody like me to help show you how to use it properly because that's what i do you know you might be missing a few things you know i'm really excited this to i'm gonna because i'm gonna get your download because i love kettle bills but i've noticed a huge difference and i told joey even

even before my place closed he was like why don't you just because it wasn't inexpensive he's like why don't you just get some and just do it i'm like there's a there's a difference for me with having someone tell me what to do, like going to a class or even watching someone like this versus having me being self-motivated doing the workout. You work out as a person, but you're also a teacher. How do you deal with that?

And, you know, like, that is my motivation, teaching. I love teaching. So, like, the fact that somebody will come spend an hour with me during that day, I take it very seriously. And I just, that's what keeps me motivated to keep continuously growing as a kettlebell trainer. and a jujitsu trainer, you know. I strive to be, that's, man, that's all I really do.

That's all I obsess about is jujitsu and kettlebells. It's pretty sad and hanging out with my dog, you know. But that keeps me motivated. And just the fact that I really love kettlebell training, man. I mean, once I found that, I was like, that was it. You know, I didn't need any other workout tools. You know, you got people swinging clubs and those mace bells and stuff like that, you know. No lifting weights for you.

No bench presses, nothing. I do body weight and kettlebell. I don't do pull-ups. I only do rowing, rowing for my back and stuff like that because the way I look at it is I don't do anything that resembles pulling up from this angle. You know, I don't do any, if I was a rock climber or something, maybe I would do pull-ups. But I, if you notice in Jiu-Jitsu, we're always pulling, we're always pulling from here. We're not pulling like this. Plus it's kind of hard to incorporate chin-ups and stuff into like big group classes.

And I'm teaching like 15, 20 people at a time, you know? So like for me, kettlebell is like, I don't know who you know if you know who's Steve. Steve Maxwell has been on Joe Rogan's podcast a few times. He has this saying that with kettlebells, you get the most bang for your buck. Like, your gym is right there. Your body is your gym, and that kettlebell is plenty. And it does me good, man, you know? I've used it at like a world-class level, you know.

And all the tournaments that I compete in, I do pretty good, you know. And people doing CrossFit, you know. And, you know, it works for me. I love it. I never get tired of it. And I'm constantly evolving and creating more routines and different movements and stuff like that. I learned from everybody. I learn from my students all the time.

The only question I have because only one question. Only one question. You would think you know what it would work arms and you know it works like your hips. And I know because you can feel it in your legs. But that would be my only argument, I guess, against only doing. kettlebells versus other weights because other weights you can maybe do leg workouts but do kettlebells specifically like how do they work leg muscles how do they work like because i know they do because i feel them in mostly my um my thighs not not so much my i never really got so much my calves are they good in

cows you could use a kettlebell to do anything like i mean if you wanted to work your calves you could just grab a kettlebell right here and just do calf raises you know what i mean and anything you do with a kettlebell excuse me, anything you do with barbell or dumbbells, you can do with a kettlebell. In most cases, you could even do it better because they just fit with your body a lot easier. You can rack them and you can do one-hand rack kettlebell. You could do double grass. You can do a goblet position. It's just, they're just so versatile, man.

But any way you work your legs with barbells or dumbbells, you can do the same thing with kettlebells. You can do lunges. You can hold a kettlebell here and do lunges. You can do lateral lunges. You can do squats. You can do jump split squats. You do all kinds of stuff, man. A lot of that stuff is in that KV Strength program, too.

So just send me your email, and I'll send you the download link, man. Oh, thank you. I'm very impressed with the kettlebell. I know I love the workout. Like I said, if I'm the only reason. How easy is it for you just to have one at home, just work at home like that? I have a 25, 35, 35. Try doing that with a barbell.

I got a punching bag. There you go. I got a jump pro. And if I can't do what I got to do, I just sit back there. Today I went back to that 4.30 and I walked out of there at 10 to 6. I drank a little protein after the drink. I washed my little monkey. I came out.

I had a little pasta, a little salad. I came here. That's it. That's it. And that's it. I don't like, I was doing this big time. How I lost, when I first walked into macafoli, I was 418 pounds. Wow.

I had to put on two pairs shorts because I'd always pee myself while I was breathing. And he was just hitting Mitz with me. That's it. And he goes, listen, you keep coming. and then I could take all this money from you. $40 an hour he was charging me. That wasn't a lot of money. He was great.

He was from Boston. He goes, I just want you to join the gym and come in here every day and hit the bag for a half hour. I just want you to stand in front of the gym. Don't leave here until there's a puddle in you. I thought it was the simplest thing I ever heard. The first time I went in there, I tapped out like 11 minutes. I was like, I can't do this. And he just wanted you to stay stationary and just hit the bag, but do it like in a mild horse stance

and not to let your legs become, how would he say it? Don't let your legs go into the mud. I don't want your feet in one place to pick them up from time to time. Kind of like pivot a little bit. And he'd go do five minutes, ten minutes, five minutes, ten minutes. That's how I lost the weight in the beginning.

I didn't want to lose, I didn't want to lift weights. He goes, I don't want you lift too much. That's good. Hit the bag and do the bicycle. That was smart because he was just telling you to do like low-impact stuff that's not going to hurt you because, like, at 400 pounds, there's not too many things you can. Dude. No, I was going night so nobody would see me.

And be rolling around and doing deck squats and Turkish get-ups and shit at that way. But, like, that's smart. You know, he had you doing some, like, cardio and stuff. That's why a lot of people, like, they clown like Zumba and shit like that. But that shit gets people off the couch, man, because it doesn't look scary to them, you know. But it gets some moving and it gets some sweating and gets some motivating. And then eventually, like, they might lose a little bit weight, but then they graduate to something a little bit harder. What happened over here, Zumba over here, when I first moved to Hollywood.

When you used to do Zumba. No, I used to go to YMCA. and they used to do Zumba. For me and my wife, before we had the baby and I was traveling, I was shooting movies or whatever and doing stand-up and night, me and my wife had a deal. On Tuesday nights, we go to yoga together,

and then we go eat dinner, then we go and watch Suns out of it. That was our deal every week. Tuesday nights, fuck money, fuck stupid comedy shows. It was just me and out. So we used to do the yoga and then go into the gym for a half hour. And when we'd walk out,

Professor Alvarado, there would be 50 women on the line waiting to go into yoga. Eighth o'clock at night. All of them chubbier than fuck. And every Tuesday I saw the classes growing and growing and growing. They had to take two rooms. Then they had to go outside for a while. And then I could see that it fell apart because one of the chicks,

a boyfriend, and I'm not even lying to you, my boyfriend had a taco truck. So he would park out there. It was fun of Zoom, but. after zumba and those 60 big little chubby mexian women would go out there and fuck those tacos up and shit so that was the and i'm not kidding you i wish that that was making up a joke hey i don't know more power to them i don't know what zumba's hard i did one zuma class and i was fucking i was dying you know what they used to do zuma where target on victory when you parked the car in that

fucking soccer field in there yeah oh 80 100 women you would hear a one up on the top and they'd be playing salsa music and they'd all be dancing. You're absolutely right, Professor. I never looked that that way. Yeah. Just to get somebody off the couch, just to go to Zoom. And it's music, and they mingle, and they eat chees and they're moving. I remember I tried Zuma a few times. The first time I did it, I was like my hips and core, because they're making you, like,

do all this, you know, shaking your ass and twerking and stuff like that. You see you do that. I'm not good at twerking. Maybe you'll get your little job, Professor. You can dance for the boys and shit. Yeah. Like that dude and what was that summer of sam i haven't seen that one that's what the new one they made about which what's the one is the one yes is john leguzamo's in that one yes yes yes yes well john leggersombo's

yes yes yes yes well john legizamo's yes yes well john legizamo's yes yes i just saw a dopeasamo what he's called hollow point has you seen that he plays like a freaking crazy ass like freaking killer for the cartel john leuizamo no you got to see it's called hollow point it's really good i was like let me let me tell you something man jama i have a love-hate relationship He's like a chameleon, man. He plays all kinds of crazy stuff. First of all, he's been around for a long time. I could document him to 84 on Miami Vice.

He played Calderon's son on Miami Vice. And they blew him up. Tremendous episode. They blew him up, but Tubbs fucked the sister. So he had a baby with the sister. So he came back, blew up the sister. and the baby and they shed Lee Ayacoco was in that episode who do you think you're fucking dealing with professor some motherfucking novice that don't know his episodes of

Miami's shit man oh my god what sometimes I kind of get pissed off with your years thing his first credit was 84 okay and what was it mixed blood I don't know what that was then he did a Madonna video and then the first real thing was Miami Vice wow what the fuck do you think you're dealing with some fucking novice you think I'm I'm gonna come in here and drop knowledge. I'm Professor Joey Averado, kettlebell, fucking exploit in there. I didn't even know that. That's like when someone calls an A-San.

I remember him is... See if it's on there. See if it's on YouTube. Just look. Just put in John Legger Zamo on Miami Vice. I'm sure it is. I guarantee it's on there. That's how...

All those, first of all, Lawrence Fishburn... When I see people like Lawrence Fishburn... Phil Collins was on Miami. Fuck, that's a good episode. Remember that one? Fuck, yeah. He's a good. He was really good. He was really good. I remember that because I was like, wow, that's Phil Collins.

I remember the other. A lot of people. Whenever I see John Legger-Zamong, say what you want to say about them. They've been around for 30 fucking years. Say what the, you know, 40, Rocky Balboa is 40 years old. If Rocky Balboa came out in 1975, it's damn fucking close to or 43 or something, 42 years old. Wow. That motherfucker is still making. movies and the movies he's involved in are always about paper any of the users

I go deeper into YouTube yeah click Miami Vice Forever see if that's the one no no that's some fucking fuck all that he hadn't seen shit yeah that was people that were into you got to look at but he does talk about it it was pretty interesting they go a goes way too far back for YouTube that's what it is I just remember the I remember him as Benny Blanco from the Bronx. Listen, man, he was... Hey, look, who's it? That's Zappa guy.

Yeah, Frank Zapp was on Miami. Fuck, yeah. Zappa guy. There it is, right there. Calderon's return, Miami Vice. Calderon's return, right there. He was Calderon? Yeah.

He played Calderon. Miami Vice was based on a black dude in New York whose brother got shot by a Colombian drug dealer called Calderon. They couldn't figure out who he was, but they figured out he was in Miami. So the black guy went to Miami to hunt him down. The problem was Don Johnson had a partner.

The partner's name was Jimmy Smith. And he got blown up in the fucking trailer. Jimmy Smith was in that shit too? Pilot episode. Jimmy Smith was in the fucking pilot episode. He gets blown up. Crocket comes into the picture that temporary partners,

but then Calderon sends a hit guy from fucking Miami in episode three or four or five and he kills the original he has a hit list he kills the original chief who was the Puerto Rican and Sanfran Sanfitan son I don't want hector in my house I don't want no Puerto Ricans in my house he was the original Captain once they shot him Bam the Mexican moved in With the bad skin Jimmy almost whatever's name is That's crazy man That was crazy in the beginning That's how now think about that

Fucking Jimmy Smith Again 1984 Pilot for fucking Miami Vice You see him now what Suns Anarchy still rocking shows Still two years ago He was before that he was on Dexter

And he comes out In the Star Wars movies too Yeah It's fucking crazy. I know he went back that far because I don't have to respect these guys. They've been around for 30 fucking years. Do you remember what show? I'm going to test your trivia now.

Ready? Yeah. What show made Jimmy Smith's famous? It was a TV show. It's a law show or something like that. Exactly. L.A. Law. You didn't know the name.

You got to fucking think about he's getting syndication money from three or four TV shows. NYPD Blue he was on, but God knows how long you got to fucking write in. law he was on some other fucking law show you know two years of fucking uh anarchy two years of dexter that guy's banking that guy's bad he's 60 something now you gotta respect those guys let me tell you i saw john legozamo on miami vice i didn't know what the fuck he was and all of a sudden comedy came into my life and somebody said who you don't know who john legozamo was and i went to a fucking store and i rented this tape and i go that's that's That's Calderon.

And they're like, what are you talking about? Well, that's Calderon on Miami Vice. And they're like, no, whatever. He does this one-man show. And I watched the one-man show, and I got pissed off. He called it like Spicorama or the other one he called. And I kind of got pissed off because it was kind of like my story a little bit. He had elements of my story.

And I related to him a little bit. And then I got into comedy and I don't know nothing from nothing. I was feeling bad about my life. I'm like, what am I going to do? I'm going to end up just being a drug deal. I can't go back to bold I don't have anything and I couldn't figure out I was going to this open mic And I tell this story fucking to young kids I kept going to this open mic where it was like it was hell professor

It was like that scene in Rocky when he fights for 17 dollars Like you went in there and no matter how you you did you still left fucking like what was that What's going on in my life and I went in there one night because it went from 11 to 4 in the morning in the open mic. They'd just be drunks in there. People smoking cigarettes and fucking fat chicks that will hookers giving hand jobs in the corner. Fucking disgusting.

Disgusting. But they ran this open mic and there'd be 30 comics. Yeah, old triple in. And I went in there one night, though. And they go, no, there's no comedy talent. Like it was on stage. And that's when I got it. I go, it doesn't really matter.

You have to be in these places to get good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, that's the fucking moral of the story, you know. Yeah, man. And then I kind of liked him. And then he got a show on Fox. When Fox first started, it was like America's Most Wanted, and the show with fucking the chick from Sons of Anarchy

and the shoe store and all that stuff, you know, Lust and Marriage, Married Children. But you do remember there was a little show on for a few years with John Leger Zam, not for a few years for six episodes called, hit it, John Legerzamo Comedy Show on Fox. House of Buggin, okay? And House of Buggin, then like four or five, six. He's like, he said on Google.

He just like, hey, Joey, what is? Okay, so he got a deal because there used to be this Latino tour group in New York. And Fox said there was a Latino tour here in L.A., the Mexicans. So Fox was taking gambols. They took a gamble with those guys, and they put out a show. And then, like Osamo, they gave him a six-episode sketch show. called House of Buggin. If they did 30 sketches,

five of them were fucking hilarious. But he did one, put in John Ligazamo, House of Buggin. Was it funny? It had its moments. You know who one of the sketch characters was? You're going to see it right now. What the fuck is his name?

The dude that's in the poor movie, there you go. He was the dude that, right there, the third one. See that? one what's his name that looks like what's his name go oh louis gusman

guzman is that him yeah yeah wow keep scrolling keep scrolling keep scrolling keep scrolling keep scrolling Chicago militant house of bugging proud of county

all right that one learning to vogue learning to vogue right there right there right in front of you that's john leguizamo fucking if this is the episode you don't know about this shit professor i don't remember this one

This is John Ligazmo, six episodes on Sunday nights. On Fox. We're going to teach you some more intricate books. That's up. Be high and seek. Oh, hi. I don't want to a gerba. Lasuzia.

Dude, Joey does that to be every morning when he comes to fucking to the gym. The gerbil. The gerbil. And you also learn the achy, breaky lobo. Nobody remembers this shit. I can see why. With the black chicks started dancing. And they're like,

my name is crazy. What network was this for? This was what? What was this? What channels was on? Fox. Fox. This was Fox.

This was Fox. This was Fox. Was this before in living color or after? 93. 94. That's what I'm thinking. Let's see. this was crazy

that was kind of funny man so that's why when you see john legozamo now you're like what the fuck this guy's been around 95 you got to give a lot he was in spawn that movie spawn he was in carletto's way he's in a lot of shit he did this thing where he's talking about his roles

I don't know if it was on HBO I don't know where I saw it but he talked about Carlito's way how his first scene went out Pacino The first scene he went up to Al like that And I said cut And he goes, what the fuck is that? John and John didn't know

You know, just You know, shit that happens on the set Which was really interesting because He was like that though Al Pacino, wasn't he? I'm not sure He would like get on people and like And kind of bring it out of them

Or some shit like that I heard stories about that I did this movie The movie I stopped snort and coke for This was a 21 day shoot in a row and it ended on Thanksgiving. But the movie was $100 a day. But it was all the people that were in this movie.

Like, the guy that's in the fighter, the father, Jack McGee, was in it. We did the table read together. Like, before they even had financing for the movie, and I knew I liked the movie. I knew I could curse. I knew I could be me. It was about an AA meeting that got robbed in Studio City in the 70s. They robbed the bank and took over the meeting

until the cops got there and they beat some of the people and shit. And this meeting got into a butt. To make a long story short, there was an old guy in this movie. And he was interesting as fuck, guys. His wife had died. He was 72. He still worked. He fucking hated.

He goes he did like two movies of George Clooney and he hated him. But that's not fucking acting. He's looking at the floor. What the fuck are you looking at? You know, he was one of these guys that had worked theater with his resume was brilliant but he was in dog day afternoon he goes in those days they just called you at home I knew the casting people he was in dog day afternoon but he's the guy that grabs Pacino by the face and says how'd you get the scar tough guy eating

pussy it was just 30 fucking years ago that was in um scar face yeah yeah he was that old guy in the room there was an old guy and a chubby guy he was the Atlanta guy so he says that something happened that guy that gave him that movie had put him in something else. Maybe it was dog day afternoon. He had put him in something else. So he gets there and he goes, you know, I walk in there. He goes, Pacino's script.

Looks like it's gone through a fucking shredder. You know, looks like it's gone through a fucking shredder. He goes, he's gone through that script. He's written. This is how you know this motherfucker is bad to the bone. He goes, he walks in. Oh, no. He walks in and there's a dude sitting there.

And then he practices the scene. He goes, do the scene real quick. And that's when he goes up to him. And he holds a knife to the guy's face. And he goes, how'd you get that score on your face? Tough guy eating pussy. And the guy goes, Scott. And then he goes, can I see you for a second, John?

He goes, listen, when Al walks in here, do not put that fucking knife in his face, okay? That's the fucking movie. You fuck with that. We're done. Please, don't put the knife of his face. He goes, not two seconds later out. Pacino walks.

And he goes, let's do this. He goes, Ah, Pacino sits down, they focus the camera. They say action. He goes, he grabs Pacino, like, he just grabbed him a little bit. And he, from the knife was over here. And he goes, how'd you get that scar on your face? Tough guy, eating pussy. And he goes, John, sell the fucking scene.

Do something with that fucking knife. And he said, the director fucking was like, and he goes, Pacino wanted him to put the knife in his face and work him over a little bit. Do something with that knife. move show the camera that you want the intimate you know so yeah but chino probably does get on you that's the only story i've ever heard about him that's it i never heard nothing i think i read out of the stories like that he gets on people like that and i'm gonna say he kind of like directs

a little bit he's the problem he knows he knows what's up i would get intimidated around the guy like him if i heard he had a reputation i would too like i did that stupid movie and when i did it my scene was with alec ball Some movie that came out recently with Warren Beatty, I think that you don't even see me in the fucking movie. If they send me a risk, I think the movie bombed at the box office. Nobody knows who that dude is 30 fucking years later.

That's the worst. And they do a biography about somebody that nobody knows. If the guy dies, do the biography a week later. Don't do it 30 fucking years later. Nobody knows who the fucking guy is. You're reselling it to me. Who the fuck is this? It takes a while to get pictures.

You know, what the fuck? So I don't think the movie did what. Warren Beatty plays that hotel dude that was a millionaire and lived in a hotel in Vegas. Bugsy. No. No, no, no. Not a gangster. He was a plane guy, too.

He drove a plane around the world or some shit. And he lived on the top floor and the mob wound on the mount. So that's a fucking great cast. I only saw Alec Baldwin. But when I went on that set the first day, I was prepared for Alec Ball. But that's one of the first times I had to prepare for somebody. And it bugged me. So when he would stare me down, I'd stare him down.

And I would always fucking stand down to the end So he took his eyes off me and said You know something about his wife or something You know But I can't imagine Like I heard Jennifer Anderson's a fucking nightmare Really? That's what I heard

I don't know how true it is She looks very sweet I don't want to do that I'm too old to do that shit I'm too old for that shit I was surprised how nice Adam Sandlin was I got really lucky man I never worked with nobody

I'm lying to you I did a TV show, which I hated the fucking director, ego, motherfucker. I did a commercial one time that the guy yelled at me, and I yelled back on him, because they had fucked up. It wasn't me. It wasn't me. I'm a fucking professional. I could stop a car on a fucking dime.

This motherfuckeruck is telling me stop the car. I'm stopping the car, but they're a brake. They disconnected the brakes when they put the lights in. I almost went up the fucking pier in Long Beach. How are you supposed to stop it? Putting the brake on. the emergency break they disconnected both of them it was a fucking nightmare leader interns had to hold the fucking thing and push her back and shit and they had a connect that the guy thought it was me

you gotta stick up for yourself on those sets too i heard that there was fucking something when they was shooting donny brascoe director went off on him and johnny dept he went off on johnny dip no he went off on a cast dude on the set yeah nobody no bro i tell you i was thinking about something crazy today me and lee with it talking about him about when people do multiple things. And how you get greedy sometimes and you fuck up, you know, because it's the law diminishing returns. I got a role, and I don't know why is this?

And I was real excited about it. But what did I do? What do you think I did? I had two days on a set with all these guys. What do you think I did? I booked a comedy weekend. Jesus fucking Christ. I get there and they go, no, you're going to shoot Wednesday and Thursday.

Wednesday, maybe all day, Thursday, just a morning shot at a barbecue, you're out of there by 12. I said, perfect. Wednesday, and I'm doing that, I'll stress out. Maybe not. They said, it's a full day. If I go on at six, maybe I'll be out of there by six. I fucking get on this set. First fucking eight hours, I'm ripping this thing apart.

I put this in their own movie, bro. He shoots from every angle. They got tons of money. You know what I'm saying? So they'll shoot. Shoot it from over there, shoot it from over there, shoot it from 9 o'clock. Shoot it from 2 o'clock behind them. You're like, what the fuck?

I can't even say this line anymore. I'm so sick of it. And then we had to turn the cameras around. And do you know, all I had to say was one line for two hours. I'd say the fucking line guys. What was the line? Don't, don't put me through this. I couldn't say the line that night.

And I was studying it. And you imagine 12 years later, I don't know what the fucking line was. I barely got to the fucking line. some of these actors can do that like they can recite lines do you know who michael dutukov is the american ninja no you know who american ninja is you never seen that movie the american ninja no he was this white guy michael dutukov he was like hegan's best friend man he used to hang out with hegan all the time and he used to bring him to the mchkato academy back in day but i remember him from a movie with tom hanks called bachelor party me too don't tell me you see that you remember the his friend though the white guy

with the blonde hair and when when they go pick him up he's he's a waiter and then the the lady's like oh what's on the menu he's like oh this one has cheese but cheese gives me me weakest and all that stuff like that you don't remember that i gotta see anyway he he he acted that whole scene out for me one day and i just i just i florrie it was so funny because like it was such an old movie that he remembered those lines like from 20 years later like perfect it was hilarious so i thought you would if i'm in a hotel room by myself and the longest yard comes on oh i'm i turned the tv Like I'm watching Comedy Central when I leave. About three months ago, I came back in the longest year I was on.

I was in the bathroom. The lines came back to me. But I don't remember that. Spider-Man, I kind of remember. What Spider-Man were you in? Two. You know, I kind of remember that. I don't remember a lot of that shit, especially the last three, four years.

Or a lot of that shit's gone away. Just the outstanding shit, I remember. That's crazy. but you remember the important shit man because you have like 10,000 stories man you have a story about everything Doug it's crazy isn't it it's fucking crazy

Doug is it easier to act now that you lost weight because acting it can be taxing if you're up for those 12 hour days Doug the toughest thing I did was weighing 350

pounds in New Mexico for a longer shot first off the first of the first I got to like we got to talk to you. We need to do oxygen therapy. What is that? That's when a little fucking assistant at the university

follows you around with an oxygen tank. And you basically have a hose in your mouth. For you, you had to walk around like the first three days. Why? Everybody else is running sprints and I just walked. They just said come down and walk, get acclimatic because it's high. At that time, at that time, At that time, I hadn't done anything.

In 1995, I had exercised in probably five years. And I lived across the street from the YMCA. That's why I ballooned all that weight. There was an American Jiu-Jitsu Academy on the corner of Highland and Sunset. I went there for about two months. I thought I would die every time he had me doing roles. He was a Russian dude. He was really a Russian gangster.

He closed that school and went to Glendale or something. But that was the last time I had exercise. After that, I said, fuck, exercising. So when I got that movie, I remember having to bend over and trying to get into football position. It was a fucking nightmare. Like, when I got the movie, the first day, I was happy, but I'm like, it's on now.

I got to do something. I wasn't walking upstairs in those days. I had an elevator. I wasn't doing dick. So the first day I went down there, I put the football suit on. I tried to run. And I'm like, oh, shit. And they sat me down, I was pale and shit.

They took my blood pressure. And they said, listen, just do oxygen therapy. Just walk around. So I was just going on there, walk around for an hour, eat a piece of chicken, walk around for an hour. This dude would just follow me around an oxygen thing. After three days, they had me do mild workouts. But there was a time, bro, that they had to bring a truck in with a piece of of wood that was elevated for me to bend over and touch my toes.

Tomorrow, I could touch my toes ten times. That's how big I was. I couldn't even touch my toes. They had to put like a six inch, a four inch by four inch block. The shit you use for gardening, they have to put one on top of the other one. That's eight inches. Wow, man. I know they want you to get healthy, but they also have a movie to shoot.

Was there anything in your contract saying like you couldn't lose weight? No, no, no, no, no, that wasn't a principle like that. Okay. You know, it didn't really fucking matter. Listen, that's the one movie that they fed you. They didn't want to, they wanted no misunderstandings with the wrestlers and the football players. You know, you saw football players, but there was all body doubles. For all those shots, they were body doubles.

You had to feed those 40 guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you had to feed those 40 guys. Again, Professor Ravaralla, you had to feed those 40 guys. I'm not like Dalip Dalip would eat a dozen eggs bro with a loaf of toast the guy that weighed the guy that was seven feet that gigantic guy yeah you know what do you think he'd for breakfast to stay like that you know he would go to bed with 12 hard-balled eggs he would take a dozen eggs upstairs hard ball and he'd eat them all all right what do you think that guy he's just that

guy what do you think he's and then you had a football team and these you know there was a food truck on there. When we were in New Mexico, it was basically a spoilage fest. They were blowing money and like, they were pregnant because Paramount wasn't around. So they hired strippers from Albuquerque and brought them up

and they would walk around with trays. And all day, smoothies, cold cuts, salami, fucking Italian cold cuts, ham, cheese, provolone, protein bars, protein drinks. You name it. You know, everybody wanted their name

on the movie. So every day you get a box or something. Every day, come on, guys, gather around. We got a box from Nike here. Take a shirt, take the Gatorade, this sports drink. Every day, everybody wanted their name and those credits. So every day, they were trying something else on. You went home with something else. It was crazy. But there was never like a fucking low on food. No, like, I mean, they feed you on those sets. That's what a lot of people like at the gym that work on sets.

And so they're like, man, it's kind of hard to resist. It's hard. They feed you it everywhere in this town. Joey, they'll feed you when you go to meetings. Like, they'll feed you at lowly office jobs. They have full spreads. Oh, fuck, yeah, dude. Because they don't want you to leave.

Dude, if you go, you ever go to porthos and you just see people in the morning with boxes of porthos that they're taken to their office? Yeah. And you see the same people every morning with boxes just taking them out of the rest. Because the TV show has to get out that night and they don't care. They'll order in hundreds of dollars worth of food rather than have you leave. Oh, yeah, port those delivers, too. No, it's a shame how much we were. When I got to that set, let's figure something out.

When I got to that set, I was probably $3.90. Shooting that movie, I put the last $20 on because it was just, I was getting, I had a little rep. There was one rep per every three trailers. and as soon as I get there, I tell them to get me an egg sandwich with ham. And not 20 minutes later, I go, listen, get me a pastrami sandwich. I was, by 10 o'clock, I had a pastrami sandwich in me five days a week. You know what that does, do you?

Oh, my God. By lunchtime, you already got a pastrami sandwich, right? And I'm not talking about, like, a fucking thin one. And then when my friends would come, I'd get pastrami sandwiches. When my friends would come to the set, I go, you hungry? I could eat. Let's go the pastrami sandwich. I get the guy over, make me three pastrami's request. What kind of, what do you put on your

pastrami? Is it just pastrami? Do you do it like the Jewish way? I'm a type of motherfucker. Down on Alvarado Street, your name's sake. Get off, make a right and keep going to you see that. You see that park on the right hand side. Park right there across the street. The fucking

neighborhood is so deadly. They close the fucking Lange is at 4 and they have been closing. What neighborhood is that? Alvarado. The neighborhood is kind of Alvarado. The neighborhood is kind of Alvarado? There's a park down there. There's a park down there where I walked with an agent once. When I first signed with Aqua, there was a young kid.

And I took him to breakfast there, and I go, let's take a walk. I thought there was ducks and shit like that. Next thing, you know, Mexicans were coming up to me going. Social Security cards, birth certificates, passports. We got everything down here. You want a key loan? You want a machine gun? I mean, that was like.

And you walk up, and it's like a regular... Spanish neighborhood. It really is. That's why you can't believe this deli is there. You sit there and go. It's a Jewish deli? Yeah. Langers. What is it called? Languers? That's my favorite. They got the good bread and they got the good pastrami. If I'm in a bind, I need a fix of petrami. There's a place on Witset around the corner from my friend John Evans.

Jewish guy, Herman, I go in there. I get the fucking sandwich. I get the soup. He makes me a nice spicy mustard. And I'm good to go, Jack. What kind of suit? The Mottie ball suit? No, I get the slip P with the ham, and she makes it home man. Are you kidding me or what? He's like fucking 80, and she's like 40, and she's got a tremendous ass.

All three, you motherfucker, they give her a stabbing. You don't know how many times I eat that, and I double look at it. Like, she's a good-looking woman, and I'm lying to you guys. She's got to be about 55, 60. But you look at her, and this woman's got ass for days. She goes to Vegas. They came to see me in Vegas. they were staying at the thing

and also I look up one night and there they are and I hugged there and him and they took off because he's a degenerate gambler. He loves all that shit. My pastrami man is a degenerate gambler. I hear the good places are shitty here like the places that are supposed to be good.

I don't mind Cantas. Cantons? I don't know about the Jewish places. The one place I found ants on my pastrami were wealthy men. And then me and Lee went to the one place one night. And I didn't I wasn't fond of it

And Lee was definitely not fine Have you been to the oinkster That is the question No where is that The oinkster have you heard of the oinkster This is one in Hollywood The first one is an eagle rock It's owned by like a pretty famous

Filipino chef They make their own pastrami there They smoke their own pork Pork butts there And they have like a pastrami Rubin Oh my God dude It'll knock you on your ass man You gotta go there with me one day

It's like one of my favorite places To eat in L.A. The oinkster It's awesome They make their own ketchup They make their own pickles. They make their own mayonnaise. They make Belgian-style fries.

Look at Lee. He's going through changes. No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm going to change. And now you're throwing a pastrami sandwich on, you what I'm saying? I don't like homemade ketchup. You'll like this stuff, man. This stuff is legit. You'll eat this shit, all right?

This is the cheap. You don't eat what they tell you to eat. Well, you don't have to put any ketchup on your pastrami. You can eat the pastrami sandwich like it is. I mean, they put like on the pastrami sandwich. You put like a little bit of slaw and caramelized onions on it as well, too. It's bomb, man. Well, they have a couple different ones, but we got to go there one day.

Trust me, you'll thank me. It's like my favorite place in the world to eat. The wankster. You've lost a lot of weight lately. You've had a train for a tournament and you just kept the weight down. Tournaments, yep. I had the Master Worlds in Vegas and then I had the No Gear Worlds in San Francisco. So that's the whole thing with my, that KB Strength and Conditioning Program.

I've been working on it for a while, and I wanted to just put something to look. bit more straightforward because everybody knows me as like the kettle jitsu guy doing like a lot of jutsu and fighting moves but i mean i'm a lot more than that i do like some straightforward stuff more traditional style stuff so this program is is a little less specific for jihitsu but you know like a little less like complicated movements more basic movements with an emphasis on different kinds of snatches and stuff but that's how i lost my weight and i and it includes the 15 guidelines So that's how I lost the weight How long is the video, my friend?

It's an eight-week program, man So each workout was like an hour long So you'll give me Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday All that comes out with workout charts It comes with all that stuff, man No shit, you're that detailed Man, it's for reals You don't fuck around with this thing

So does it go from Beginner level to more intense So the first week is basically beginning level For sure You go through the body movements to get you warmed up. For sure. It starts, like on any of my videos, I start you up with basics. And then it starts gradually getting more difficult as you progress.

All of them. Till today, my favorite warm-up still is the Turkish get-up with no weight. Oh, really? That's still, you do five on each side. You're fucking wrecked. You're good, man. You work your whole body. You're fucking wrecked.

Not too many people do that, body weight, Turkish get up. You're fucking wrecked. I can barely. stop the second part of it the first part I enjoy doing it's that second part that's the real deal with nothing your arms twisting my knees going out from under me it's a fucking trip you know not even a 12 kilogram no no no no I don't have that nothing

sometimes I like when I do the Jiu Jitsu warm out we'll just do like a body weight Turkish get up we'll just hold our hand up and just go through each movement all the way up and just alternate like that and I mean apparently Two Snorts likes it over here. Joey two snorts. Joey two snorts. No, we were talking before the show how

you get tolerance going. And the sad thing about me is everything I did. Like I sit here with Lee sometimes and I was telling me there was a time I used to sell micrododacid. I would sell a hit. I had friends that built the tolerance up and they'd do a hit in a half for like yes

or a concert. I was eating three of those motherfuckers and smoking one at about 11. Once I was tripping on the ass, I put one of the fucking pipe with some reefer and I fucking smoke it. Like, I always had high tolerance, except for alcohol. The only time I had a high tolerance for alcohol is when you're snort and fucking coke. Yeah, yeah. If I'm snort, I could drink with fucking Houdini.

You line them up, Jack. What about when you're all shroomed out? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I can't mix those. No. I was never a reefer, alcohol guy. No, no, either we drink or we smoke. And in my world, 98% of the time, we're going to smoke.

I would drink just, me buckling up to a bar and getting the drink is, I mean, it's just something that I never wanted to do. I never wanted to be that person, that that was my life type of sort of. Yeah, yeah. Just because my mother had a bar and I saw those guys. But I was always ashamed that I couldn't. drink the way most people could. I don't like that. I can't walk in and you

go, let's go for a beer. I don't have no desire. I don't drink like that anymore. Ever at all. Every now and then, like a nice little cocktail. No, but that's the way I've always been. It's the weirdest thing. That's the way I've... I like drinks for the flavor of it. There's three quarters of the shit I put

in my mouth. I was like, who could drink this paint fucking dinner? That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Joey. You seem... Do you eat for pleasure or do you eat just to like fuel your body. Oh, both, man. Okay, because that when you're doing it,

just to fuel your body is something that's, it's very hard to, to work, to live with. It is extremely, man. And I have gained weights since the last tournament. I'm actually going to compete at light, like I use that KB strength program to lose like 20 pounds and I competed at feather weight. You have a menu in there also?

It has a menu, what I mean. Like what they could eat, what they can eat? You know what, man, I make it like, since I teach people on a regular basis, like people like simplicity. Nobody wants to count calories or anything like that. So what I have in this one is called the 15 guidelines of rapid fat loss. And it's just 15, read them and they're simple. And if you just follow them, you don't have to count calories. You don't have to do anything, man.

Because I don't like counting calories. Who wants to go at the store, go to the store and then read how many calories have and then like add it up and calculate? Nobody wants to do that shit, right? Do you do? I can't stand to that. I don't want to do. I don't want to do that. Yeah, people use that stuff.

I don't, I look at, most people are lazy, man. People don't want to do that. I know they're all. Sometimes, sometimes I put my breakfast lunch and I forget to put my dinner

and I forget to put that snack at night. But pretty much, Professor, makes me stay responsible. Yeah, you know, like, if it works for you,

I'm not saying it's wrong, but like, I try to make it as simple as possible on this program. The 15, if you follow the 15 guidelines, like, for instance, I switched to only

chicken and fish in turkey. you know, for two months, that's all I ate. Like, you're eating, if you eat linear meats, man, you're going to feel so much different than when you eat like a cardio, saw the taco as opposed to a chicken taco or something like that, you know? Like the meat's easier to digest. You feel lighter.

Trust me, you'll lose weight. Keep the portion, your meal is about the size of your hand. Simple, you know. Drink a lot of water. Eliminate sugar. Stuff like that, you know? That's a part of the 15 guidelines. If you just follow those, you don't have to count calories or anything.

And you just follow the workouts. And you stay disciplined, then you can do it, you know. I had this one girl in Hawaii that's been following the program. I actually gave her the 15 guidelines before I even did the downloads and everything. And I was just kind of like coaching her, like through Facebook and text messages and stuff like that. And dude, this girl got jacked, man. And she's just like, man, I feel better on the mat. You know, she can even see her stomach muscles.

It's hard for women to get those stomach muscles, you know. But she's totally stoked about it, you know. My shit's making a comeback. Do it, man. I'll help you, man. A little fucking 12-pack is making a comeback. I'm saying? I can start to see ribs and shit again.

I haven't seen ribs in years. I saw ribbed yet. I almost had a fucking party. And that's part of the 15 guidelines, too, is take pictures of yourself. I don't like that shit. But what it does, like, you see. That's disgusting. Take a picture when you can see your ribs again.

And then you're going to be like, dude, I can see my ribs. And then keep, it's going to motivate you to do more. Then you're going to see like a two-pack and then a four-pack? I didn't catch my rib at a motherfucker at the house mirror. Oh, what did you catch that? I catch the rib at a fucking hotel, which is real. You know, I walk past the mirror and I go, wow, I have lost weight. And also I had no shirt on it.

They go, wow, look at that rib. It's making it. It's trying hard. It's melting that fat. He's got the blow torch out. You know what I'm saying? He's melting that fat under the heart. But it, you know, every little bit counts professor, that's what people.

Years ago, I said, if I don't have time, to go in there one day a week i'm not gonna go in there that was the lazy way yeah yeah yeah and then a good fucking dude said to me listen joey look at the fucking size here you could call to karate one day a week you'd be helping yourself and that's what i did like i'd start working on one day a week the ymcate threw me out the guy said joey you can't even walk on the treadmill for three minutes how am i gonna have you in the little gay dude he was you gotta walk around first for a he was half a fag no he was a little you know what man Solid fact.

Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something, man. Chrissy Miller is a comedian from the comedy store that when I first got out here, she was always at the comedy store. She always tried really hard to get on, you know, she got a job at the comedy store. She would showcase for Mitzie. Mitzie just didn't like a comedy.

But I thought Christy Miller was funny. All the guys thought were funny. We tried to back her. One day, Christy Miller, this was, I was probably about 360, 370. Christy Miller came to me. And she goes, Joey, I'm moving to New York City, but I want to give you a present before you leave. I'm quitting this job,

so I'm going to get your six-month membership on the slide. I'll try to get you a year. She's like, you need to start going to the gym. I met you when you got here and you put on a lot of weight. It was the gold gym on Gower, which, if you know anything about anything about gyms, that's the number two gay gym. The number one is the one in Santa Monica.

No walking there. number one gay gym that's the number one gay gym supposedly this is what you hear are you are you considered a bear do you know i have no idea i don't ask questions you understand me but let me tell you guys something i would go in there at night because i was ashamed you know what i'm saying like i were going there with a sweatshirt yeah yeah in those days i wouldn't even do cardio i would bench press i didn't know what i was doing i was i was still thinking i was in high school i was bench pressed and i wasn't doing that shit but you know what man and I could say a lot of shit

and be an asshole, but those gay guys were really good to me, man. And I gotta be honest, you're like, a man, nobody ever said nothing to me. I don't mind. They would all say, are you okay?

I'm gonna be over there. I see your face is a little red. Maybe you should walk around. The one guy brought me water one night. There was no Cosby pillant. That experience at that gym always changed my mind. It always stuck with me how

I didn't know what to expect You know, I had heard about the other gym on Santa Monica That they gave him my friend of mine It wasn't really a friend, some dude Said he went in there to party and he went in there While he was pissing some guy pissed right next to him And they don't have the thing in between So the guy rubbed up against them

And he fucking creeped out You know, what are you doing? He was a homophobe Yeah, he was a homophobe So but the place is kind of weird And I've heard of him do I heard it from gay dudes, even gay dudes are, it's a little too much in there. There's people who just hang out in the bathroom.

Honestly, it doesn't bother me. I mean, I have a lot of gay friends. No, me too. It's never bothered. There's a dog park I go to in a hundred park, Herman Dog Park. I have a bunch of gay friends over there, man. And they talk like guys, we talk about women. They talk about guys like that.

It just cracks me up, man. They were talking about the postman. The whole, the postman came. And I was all, and I started fantasizing me. I was like, damn, Eric, I just started cracking. You motherfuckers are fucking funny, dude, you know? Where's Tony Bennett, Lisa, yeah? You over there sitting there.

Fucked up tonight. It's Monday morning, people. It's a new week. It's a new year. Get off your fuck. It's going to be all right. Tony Bennett, bitches. I want to be around to pick up the pieces.

When somebody breaks your heart, some, somebody. Twice as smart As I A somebody who Will swear to be true As you used to do Let me give some shoutouts real quick

To my main man Michael Fernandez Vito, borderline human My girl, Cleo, I love you Keep doing what you're doing, you fucking savage Barry O'Sullivan, Cush Overlord, Damien Sorrow, my main man. My other main man,

Kern Michael, and the man of the hour, the one-by-one podcast, always in the house. And since I got your ear, and it's a new year, let me tell you something, all right?

You're walking around with those fucking underwear since God knows what. It's a new year. Listen, it's time for you to get those skid-marked underwear with the yellow stain

by your nutsack. Then you want to be a little bit of, why nobody wants to date you and why your girl won't sleep over because you're a filthy fucking animal. Well, listen, Uncle Joey's going to hook you up, all right? It's that time of the year. You want to be walking around with new underwear, new shoes to step nice. You want a new bathroom rug so you could fucking step out of the shower into pleasantries, make sure it's white.

So it's a new head for you, you know what I'm saying? I'm just trying to help you out cocks suckers, but you always want to have clean underwear. From the ages of 20 to about 30 and that was a disgust. I never wore underwear. I walked around and made big balls of banks side to side. Used to go commando. Fucking commando because I'd rather save on underwear and snort an extra gram of Coke

and have underwear. It's disgusting. Anyway, picture of world we're putting on a new pair of underwear isn't just fresh. You're stepping into a better day. This is what I'm talking about. Think about it.

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Go to meundees.com right now. slash Joey and get 20% off your first order. That's meundis.com slash Joey. How do you like me now? I'm in the mix. It's 19. And I got the fix with a chicken in the quota. Got the making soda. Make the water boil. Workers are loyal. Oh shit. Little old school fucking ice cube for you.

Just to spruce it up. Lee's sitting there. We're all scared. Lee's looking at you right now like the Grim Reaper. Lee's like, listen, I want to go hang out with Joey Alvarado. But he'll kill me. He's going to make me do push-ups and setups. I can't handle that stuff. I'll be sweating.

I'm Jewish. Look at him. Look at his face. He's got panic. Just looking at you. He's thinking his mind doesn't know what to do right now. I've seen his Facebook videos. I like him.

It's fun, man. I make the workout fun. You'll never be bored. The reason why I like kettlebells, it sounds silly. But I've always been chubby. And when I used to see people who have their shirts, they're all soaked and sweat, and you can see it. I always wanted to do that and I can never make it happen.

And fucking kettle of bells. I can sweat. My shirt's all. I'll make you sweat. I'll tell you what. You run to Glendale. You're sure to be wet. If anyone,

get those roller skates and roller skate to Glendale. I'll see you tomorrow. Fucking drenched. Six pounds lighter. Cheeseburgers are the last thing on your mind. You know what I'm saying? After my class, you'll be drenched for show.

Today was a weird day, Professor, Joey. What happened? You know, 20 years ago, man, you never understand people. They don't have children when you don't have children. You go, what the fuck are you talking about? Get the fuck out of here. I got a dog.

I got a cat. Yeah. It's so weird that today was the weirdest day I've had in a long fucking time. Like it was just, I woke up last night in the middle of the night. I can't believe this little fucking savage has been walking around for four years and how everything just changed. That's wild, man. It's just changed. It's a miracle that you can even have.

have babies I don't even know if I can I'm 45 I've never knocked up a girl I've never had an accident like everybody has these accidents and stuff like that never so I don't even know if I got the one girl but I never had any fucking accents you know so no I knew for a long time my sperm was poisoned them I was telling you I was doing a fucking grandma blow and two snorts just that savagery that's crazy that was you know you know me dog I'm a fucking animal I want the best of the best. I hunted down the best and told the guy, listen, I know where you get it from. This is his name.

If you want me to go down there and get it, I'll go down there and get it. But don't do that to me. You live around the corner, I'll be here every fucking night. Give it to me the way he gives it to you. The guy said, fine. He couldn't believe it. He goes, I can't believe you call me an hour later. What do you do with this shit? I say a story.

He goes, you know how are you fucking tolerance is? He didn't do it, but he saw the people that were doing it. And he goes, I cut it. They don't call me for two days what the fuck do you do with it there's like those stars man you eat those stars like it's going out of style too and you have a you have like high tolerance i have a high tolerance crazy high tolerance to these t-k what do we eat tonight too t-k yeah look at least is it gum look at lee's poor face let's sit there going jesus christ is paula home tonight uh she's home tonight she's at your house yes oh you're done yeah you're like one can

Red as foot. 60 minute activation. 250 milligrams. We split one of those. Nobody else split one. We each had one. Yeah, we each had one. And then we split one of the fucking taffy tombs.

Yeah. Like six stars, five hundred milligrams. I don't know how you guys are still functioning right now. Yeah, bro. We're in training. You train kettle bells. We train T.

We train stars. We train combat fucking stars here. If we get captured and they give us stars, we outlive it. Yeah, but do you train kettle cock? No, I haven't done that anymore. I changed all that shit. But it's really funny to see her, this little fucking girl

who I never thought I'd get a second chance at. Since the minute I walked in yesterday from the casino, she was talking about a party, and we talked about it. And she was real cool. I thought she was going to have a nervous breakdown. She was dynamite. And then today, the mother had to leave

with Felicia to go set up at the park. And I stayed with her from 10 until I walked her over. And it was just fucking tremendous. man I'm talking to this little fucking girl about a party I tried to show a Rocky she don't give a fuck about her. She's like get the fuck out of I'm not watching this fucking dude

punched this dude in the gym and this ugly chick and I walked her over and just the conversation we had on the way over it's like I saw this little fucking girl I couldn't even talk and now she's talking to you about the craziest

shit I tried to sing tonight and she told me no no no no no No, no, daddy. No, no, no, no, no singing. A grandfather called and tried to sing a happy birthday. She told him to no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no trying to sing a happy birthday. she's like by the fucking book, Joe Alvarello.

She was like never after a party Listen those people made a mistake They set up Like 20 minutes before we did And I got there a little bit too early At first we lost my daughter She was over there mingling at the party Saying a happy birthday

I'm like what the fuck are you doing But you know who's Got your blood in her man You know who is the happiest today My wife My wife knocked it out of the fucking park She fucking made those cupcakes She fucking

Is it's a fun part You know what? It was a fun party. It was just fun to see the different combination of people that showed up. And just speaking of kettlebells and parks, like that park, I think, is a great part. to work out you know what bro they watch that park oh yeah they watch that park

like a motherfucker because I know a guy who teaches the guy that teaches karate at that park teaches at my daughter's school on Saturdays and he was telling somebody one day that he's got to be off that thing

by a certain time oh yeah yeah so they watch it if you go in there if you go in there at night that place is hard to even hang out there's cops back there there's a security school

there's a school and they have security. Did you see that you can't put bumper houses? Do you see the signs? You're not allowed to put those fucking floaty houses. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, they're not responsible. They don't want those type of parties,

but it's first comes first serve or something. Yeah. Together table. We got three tables. That's pretty much like any part. You have to go, like, early in the morning and camp out there to get the table. It was very nice.

It was very low-key. It was just family. George came. That's cool, man. John Evan can't, you know. That's beautiful. You have a nice little family. They got kids, man, you know.

There's two parks there. The best thing about the thing was my daughter was excited. But I don't think she was excited or knew how excited my wife was. My wife made it work. My wife knocked it out of the fucking park, man. My wife became a different fucking person the last four years. And that's been pretty interesting to see, you know. Again, it's very hard.

to explain this to a single guy. I'd be looking at me right now going, shut the fuck up. Oh, man, I love kids, man. I see what people go through with kids and stuff. Like, wow, man. That's a lot of responsibility. But I see how it changes people's life all the time. Being married is fucking very hard.

I can imagine. Be married is one of the hardest things you'll ever fucking go. That's tough, man. That's why I've never gotten married, man. Something I take serious. When I was trying, I got married, and I didn't know what the game was. I didn't know what the rules were. I didn't know.

I thought marriage was you fucking. somebody did a long eating cook and you work that's it and you came home when you wanted to that's not marriage and that's why it didn't work now i got to work on my marriage like i really work on my marriage because i know what keeps it together i got to work i don't want to hear no shit marriage is work man you know you got to work i got to do my thing i got to do the podcast i got to do this i got to do that but i have to uh do my thing if i'm not doing my thing i'm picking up an envelope I'm home with my wife. That's the only rule that I got.

It's not even my wife's rule. It's just me on a general. You got to be home. I was talking to one of the kids' parents today, and he was saying that he was a teamster. And I go, and you work a lot, and he goes, I work four days a week. I go, your choice, and he goes, my choice,

because if I work more and that I'll lose my family. Because it's 16-hour days. Yeah, wow. You work five, 16-hour days. but if your family needs to eat, you know what I'm saying? You got to do what you got to do. I guess his wife makes money. He makes little money and you meet in the middle.

You don't go over your monthly fucking stipend. And that's how you make it work, man. You really got to watch everything to his economy. You got to watch everything. You always got to put a little something away. You know, that's $10 a fucking week, which I never believed in until fucking, And years ago, I never had money to put away. Are you fucking crazy?

I put money in the bank for a week, bitch. I'm the same way. There was money in the bank for a week and shit. I would look at it and go, you're still there. Oh, shit. I'll make this happen. This motherfucker's been laying around for a week. I got to spend this fucking grant.

You know, but now you have a child that pulls you back. You have responsibilities now. Bro, the amount of money that I used to have in my bank account. It's like my wife said, you would hit me up every day for a 20. And I look at your account, you'd have like 22 bucks. When I stopped doing drugs, that money was amazing what I would have in there. After three weeks, I would go, oh, my God, where did this money come from? Yeah, because you're not doing fucking drugs no more.

You're not doing fucking drugs. Fuck, yeah. Same thing with alcohol, man. You know, I know a lot of people that go out on the weekend, every weekend, just pounding and pounding and pounding around. You could blow a few hundred bucks on drinking every week. We can easy. It's an expensive proposition to fucking drink. It really is.

If you look at it, again, in today's economy, you know, the last time I paid for a drink was fucking 20 years ago when I became a comedian. I haven't paid for a drink on the plane. I get the tickets, whatever. I don't know nothing about a fucking, but I know people who, those drinks are 12 bucks. Yeah, easy. Those fancy fucking drinks. They ain't fucking around.

down dog your wife drinks more it's more at a club too men are you serious hell yeah oh yeah look at a club isn't like a bottle of hundreds of dollars yeah but even just like a mixed drink itself of like 60 15 16 bucks come on then you thinking about the tip to you get the tip fuck that what'd you do you did some blow before you came in here no man stop stepping in that microphone it's like you're sniffing on a fucking I'm sniffing on it I think that like I'm allergic to some the certain not allergic but like certain types of weed Like, it gives me, like, makes my nose dry and makes me want to sneeze a lot.

I do another bun. I don't put you in a different fucking plan. I got some anti-allergy, medical marijuana. You'll stop itching. If you got VD, you'll leak out of it. It's tremendous. No, but I really, all jokes aside, I really, it meant the world to me to do this today. And it was nice that Lee showed up.

Steve Simone showed up, Felipe Sparser showed up, which was nice. He showed up with his kid. I got to talk to him. I never see Felipe Esparser. But he's such a Mexican. Felipe Esposa. He does all the family things. You can invite Felipe, and there was no vegan food.

His son was eating wings to. Felipe Sparser one last comic standing. About six years ago. Great friend of mine since I first moved here, which is going to be 20 years, January 29th. He was one of the first Spanish dudes that we fucking got along. He introduced me to Willie. He introduced me to Jeff Garcia.

He introduced me to fuck him. Jeff Garcia is funny, yeah. He introduced me to Fluffy. He introduced me to Fluffy. Martin Moreno and Martin Moreno had a room down in some fucking hellhole. You know, he introduced me a lot of those guys. He'd say, call him up. You know, I go back with Gabriel when he ran the casino over here, the bicycle club.

Off the 7-10, Gabriel used to book Thursday nights for $42 or $36. And you couldn't get paid until Friday. So in Hollywood traffic, you had to drive back down there on Friday to get your fucking $40 paycheck. It used to drive me fucking banana. bananas They wouldn't mail it out to you? Listen, I'm a coke fucking dude I ain't got time for the mail, you know what I'm saying?

Cash grass ass, give me that fucking cash. I didn't believe in the mail in those days. You got a check in your head? Yes, I do. Sit tight. You're still on Sepover? Yeah, give me ten fucking minutes. I'm going to roller skate there uphill, you know what I'm saying? I'll be there.

I was one of those dudes, dog. I'm one of those motherfuckers. First off, I would wait for that. When I was Snort and Coke professor, I would wait for the mailman. I would be outside. If he'd get there at 10 after 12, I'd be at attention. Filipino dude, I'd talk to him, ask him about his sports betting,

say, what do you got for me? I have nothing for you. Right there, I went to work. I did this job three weeks ago. I should be getting the check. I get to the bottom. This has got my check. Well, it's here, but we haven't run into it. Tell me again, is it right there in front of you? What if I go down there with a check

and pay the Vig off? Just give me fucking check. Yeah, come down. What's a commission? I get the check from my wife and I go down there and get the check. Why we wait with my money? Ten days, 15 days. I shot the union is ten days. If you shoot something for the union, I think

it's ten days, dirty days, something weird. But if you shoot something, if you shoot a movie and if you shoot a TV show, it's different. That's what it is. It's like a ten-day difference. Look at my boy Lee Syatt going through deep chains. He's thinking of his life, moving to Mexico, joining the Witness Recurcation program.

Everything all right, little brother? Yeah, I'm good. You're what? You can't talk, man. No, no, no. I'm always just listening to the guys' conversation. No, it's just... I don't even know what the fuck we're talking about.

So what's the story. Crazy shit, man. Crazy shit. I'm about to head to the Europeans in Portugal, man, a couple weeks. So I'll be gone for seven days. That's what's going down. And what do you got to weigh in at? This time I'm going to stick out lightweight, man.

And what's that weight? Lightweight is with the ghee, you have to weigh in at 168. So before, like for featherweight, the last two tournaments I did featherweight, which I had to weigh in like at 154. But like with no ghee, it's even louder than that. I had to be 149 pounds. So I got down really light. But like since, you know, Professor was gone for two weeks and I was working on that KB

Strength and conditioning program for like a month, I didn't even, I couldn't even work out, man. And then I put a lot of weight back on. But I managed to kind of taper it off. So I'm not walk. I used to walk around like 170 before I did the KB Strength and Conditioning program. And this is 40 and over? And I'm 45, bro.

So is it 45? You know what? It's funny is I just realized how old I am. I was fighting Master 3 for like the last few years. And then when I registered for this tournament, it kind of automatically tells you what class you're in, you know? And now I'm master 3. Which means. I was born in 1971, so now I've moved up to an older weight class.

So I want to be fighting. You know, Alan the Savage, that old man, Blue Belt? Yeah. I want to be fighting fools like that now. From what age to what age? What's this age? I don't know, like 45, so I'm 45. So it's like every like four years or something like that or something like that.

Because it goes like from 29 years old and down, that's adult. And then after 29, so when you're 30, that's Master 1. And then every few years, it's like Master 2, Master 3, stuff like that. What's the last age group? Man, I don't know, dude. Because, like, Alan, like, sometimes he competes in those tournaments, and they don't even have his category. He's 67? He's like, dude.

He's like, I think he's like 70 years old. Then he gets there at 6 in the morning? No, no, no. He gets there at 9. Okay. At 9, he pulls those dummies out. And he starts making love to him on the mat. You see what he does.

You get that his dummies on the fucking man. I see that guy. He's over there sitting there eating a bowl of food. He's got a plate of his own oats and berries. It's fucking crazy. He gets these dummies and he's just like this old guy, Alan. I mean, we call him Savage, man. He gets these mat, these dummies, these grappling dummies.

And he's just, he's going all in between their legs and just doing all kinds of crazy shit. And he'll do that for like at least two hours before the actual class. and then what he does is he goes to his phone on YouTube because he looks up all these techniques and then he goes and does him on the dummy. It's crazy, man. It's crazy. I mean, that's what keeps him saying, he says,

because, I mean, he's been married to the, he's been married and he's retired. So he leaves the house and he's gone. He's got to go to the gym for like six hours. Doesn't he do a no-gee class? Yeah, man, that's, I love Alan to death, man, but I tell you what, man. That is like one of the hardest classes to teach with that guy in there, man.

Because like, you know, when you're that age, you're kind of like already stuck in your ways. You know what I mean? You kind of just want to just do your own thing. He doesn't like when we do warmups, he was, he don't, he doesn't do the warmups with us. He just kind of does his own thing. But I'm like, Alan, listen. In my class, you're going to fucking do the warm ups the way we do them together, you know? And he'll start, he'll do it for about a few seconds.

And then he's back off on his own little word again. You know what I mean? And then, oh, you know, we're talking about little Benny, right? Yeah. And poor Benny, sometimes in that 10 a.m. Nogi class is just him and Benny in that class and I got to give it to Benny man for you know having so much patience because Alan like his style of jiu jitsu is like he slaps you in a face and does an arm bar on you know what I mean he slaps you in the head and he does all kinds of

dirty shit man you know like he's like 70 years old man he just smacks you like he loves like smacking people and doing he does like crazy shit man like and then and then and they're like professor like I don't know what to do with Alan I'm like I've heard this amazing I don't know what to do with Alan man like they're like he says hey let's go light and then he goes hard on you so I don't know what to do because they don't know how to react to it because he's older and they don't want to go hard on him I'm like man I don't know man I don't know what to tell that guy he's a great guy love Alan to death but you know he kind of beats to his own drone but he paid his dudes man so he's 70 years old yeah he's a great no he's a purple belt now no no I know he's a

when he got it. It's just... Did you see him when he was going through the gauntlet? Like that guy one hit him and he was like, no, man. Fucking hit me. Did you hit him? He's like, nah, hit me, man. He's a good dude.

Oh, he's a great guy, man. That was the class before New Year's. He got his purple one. I'm getting to him now, man. He's actually like doing more techniques now. So he gets there at nine and works at the fucking gummies. He gets there early, man. He rolls up in his car where it says J.J. Savage on the license plate.

He goes in there. It's almost like he, what is it called whenever you go to football games and you, tailgate. He almost tailgates there, man. He brings his cooler of food and shit, you know. He's got a whole bench. A fucking tent. I've never seen anybody like train, train and eat.

It's tremendous. It's tremendous. He's got to balance. He knows what his body needs. You got to respect that. I got to keep fuel in my body. Yeah, you got to respect that. 70 years old, the muscle takes a lot to fucking repair.

at 70. Dude, you should have him on the show. He has some crazy-ass stories. I know he does. He has some crazy-ass stories, dude. He has some funny stories. He has a lot of funny stories like you, man, now that I think about it.

He has a story. He was a fighter. He used to fight a lot and stuff like that. He was a boxer and stuff. Yeah, he's a good guy. I just read something a couple weeks ago about that blew my mind, but it made sense about men today, why the testosterone levels were so low.

And they threw in computers. in there and just the way pollution they threw all these factors and that's it that our grandparents our grandfathers

had more testosterone than we do today so it just really I think it's like all the nasty shit they put in our food and all those stuff about yeah the GMOs and all that shit well I mean even beyond that

isn't though doesn't everyone said they want better for their kids most of the time and maybe they're a little bit nicer than their parents parents were and it makes their kids a little bit weaker I mean you know I don't know I don't know how it works I can't sit here and talk and say that I know I just read this and it was just it's something that I thought about I thought because the nutrition

was off I really thought because the nutrition's different the nutrition levels are different and what they wanted where I was around the fucking 70s I remember we were eating the fucking 70s it's completely different now all it's crazy you know First of all, they added coffee to our world. And they added a thing called coffee drinks. Don't get me wrong. There was always coffee. But there was never high-powered sugar drinks.

I see what these people drinking. You mean like frappuccino and shit? Oh, these people are drinking fucking cakes for breakfast. Oh, man. Dude, I was hooked on those things. You don't know what that does to you. You don't know what that sugar spike in the morning? How do I know?

I was addicted to Coca-Cola's at 6 in the morning. Yeah. I'd get up at 6 in the morning without your balance eat. without your body even getting oxygen. And before I put water in there, I drink 12 ounces of Coca-Cola right out of bed. You know what that does to your blood sugar? Hell yeah.

You know what that does to you? Yeah, it's so easy to, yeah. Starbucks is so huge, man. And I was, like, hooked on those frappuccinos, and I was hooked on that other one over at the coffee, bean tea, and leaf. And then five years, like about five years ago, I went to Italy, and they gave me a little shot of espresso.

And I was like, fuck, man. And this little shot of espresso right here equals to like two Frappuccinos, man. And I was like, man, I'm not going back to eating. What's the one from the coffee bean? The one with the coffee beans on the bottom of it that they blend. Yeah. Yes. Oh, my God.

That thing is so fucking good. I was addicted. But the Black Forest. It's the Black Forest. The Black Forest. I was hooked on the big one with cream. It tastes like a black forest cake, man. You fucking died.

Like, because I was on Frappuccino's and my friend was like, no, you got to go to the coffee bean. You turn me out of that? You know. Black Forest. I was there like every fucking morning. I lived two blocks from it, and I would drive, parks, go in there, sit outside. I wouldn't tell nobody.

I drink that Black Forest. That's good. That shit was packing on calories. You drink one of those that ate in the morning. You're doomed. You don't recover from that. Your whole day is cold. Calorically, sugar-wise.

You'll be hungry off fucking day. You had marijuana to that shit. You're eating two fucking meals. It's a horror show. All you need is espresso, man. and you're good to go. Yeah, we talked about that there, Dan. You looked into it.

I'm happy. You're an intelligent dude, professor. Yeah, I looked. Because, you know, like, people always say, oh, no, Cuban coffee is stronger. It's stronger. It'll keep you up for days, blah, blah, blah. And that guy, Kellan, he brought me, he was like, hey, Professor, look, I brought you so my dad made a pot of this Cuban coffee.

It was delicious. It was, like, thicker and a little sweeter. I loved it, man. He was like, and he brought me, like, about this much of it. He was like, don't drink it all. I was like, listen, man, don't fucking tell me how to drink coffee. I know coffee. because I drink, I make my coffee super strong.

But then I looked it up and I was like, is Cuban coffee stronger than regular coffee? And they're like, no, it's the same coffee. It's just what makes a difference is how they whip that sugar because they make a paste with the sugar first to give it that sweetness. And I even Googled it on YouTube to see how they do it. And I was going to try to make it myself

because it's really tasty. But they get the sugar first. And then as the coffee is like percolating on the stove. They hit it with the first three. They hit a few drops and they start whipping that. Whip it all up into it like, and then it turns into like a little pace and then they add the rest of the coffee in there. But it's actually a lot of work, man. I don't fucking whip that shit up like that, man.

George Mazurbaugh was on the show a few weeks ago. The next day he came on with Becky Lee and he made Cuban coffee for my wife and guess what? My wife's been making it in the morning. Was it legit? Legit to quit, though. Nice, man. I got to have somebody showing that time. I really liked it.

What about that guy over there that she said the guy. That guy. The Cafecito over in Burbank Boulevard. Go try it. Is it good? It's not Magnolia. Does he make a good Cuban coffee? You know what?

The time I was there, I'd give it a seven. Maybe I'll give it another shot. Becky went there a few times. So give it a shot. Bex and Violence. Yeah, it's right there on. I'll check it out, man. The one that my boy Kellynbride was very good.

That was like the first time I ever had a Cuban coffee. That kills you too. That's got a ton of sugar too. It does have a ton of sugar. It tastes good, though, man. It tastes good. It's a different sugar. like whipped cream and look at lee you're looking like jack nicholson the shenny look at lee jesus christ

you're wrecked you didn't know the start of that you're out you're listening no those coffees that that's killed you know they just had valid stuff but i didn't really know about i didn't know there were factors the computers the phone the way we sleep because we don't sleep right because of the computer It's in the back of your mind. There's something like that the article said. The GMOs, there was something else. I couldn't believe it. I was in shock, but?

Dude, my testosterone must be through the roof, man. You don't shoot nothing extra? I don't do anything, man. And at 45 years old, I'm twice as horny as I was when I was 25. Do you think it's the kettlebells that raised your testosterone? Maybe it's just because I've always, like, exercised and always, you know, I've been probably like one point in my life where I was like a little heavy but I was never like fat fat you know because I've always played sports and training martial arts but maybe I don't know maybe it could

just be your jeans too like my dad was like 70 years old and he trains fighters in Mexico he used to wake up in the morning at five and runs and shadow boxes and stuff like that and he's a little perv too so you know I don't know could just be the genes too you know who knows man everybody's different you know but there's people there's people that are young that have like low testosterone. They have to do testosterone on therapy, you know. Because everybody's body is different, you know.

It didn't work for me, man. I almost fucking died. Oh, you did testosterone level? These fucking savages. Don't be going on it. Yeah, after my surgery, they said, go on it. It's good for you. You'll lose weight.

Dog, I blew up. What happened? And then I started getting headaches. From the TRT? Fucking headaches, yeah. What do you mean you blew up? You gained weight? Yeah, and then they took.

But I was doing the wrong shit, professor. I was, lifting weights and doing deadlift. What the fuck? I'm walking around at 3.40. That's not going to... Why shoot testosterone? I'm walking around at 3.40.

The goal was to go the other way. Couldn't stop eating. Couldn't stop eating. It made you hungrier? Oh, and honier than fuck. And my wife was pregnant. I couldn't even ask her. I was getting horny all fucking day.

And I went to D.C. And they started getting headaches. And they took me to a hospital and they did the blood test. And they're like, bro, you got a lot of red blood cells. You got to drain your blood. And I was like, I was like, You got to drain your blood out like a pint to make new blood to get your blood balance.

That's what they had to do. That's crazy. It was a fucking nightmare, dog. So it didn't work for me. It didn't work for me. Yeah, man, your body rejected it. Yeah, no, no, no. I'm Cuban.

I got too much testosterone as it is. I knocked my wife up for 50. I need a shot of testosterone. So, like, if you didn't have a problem with, like, your horniness or anything, then why I don't understand why they were giving you TRT? Because the people I was hanging out with at the time who I still hang out. with those crazy people. All the MMA people are like,

oh, you've got to go on testosterone, you'll recover a lot. When I first started Jiu-Jitsu, I was on testosterone. It was the worst thing for me. Because when I get on my back, my blood pressure was just sky. My first six months on Jiu-Jitsu,

I was on TRT, and it wasn't doing a fucking thing for me. It was worse for me. I was having panic attacks and shit. Is that what like Sylvester Sloan does too? because he or the just do stare because he was like

somebody was telling me he was pretty open about like what he does to stay like all ripped because he's jacked man you know it's either

TRT or something like that you know I think that there's a price to pay somewhere down the line not for sure man I can't prove it

side I don't know what it is I don't know what it is you know first off if you look at someone like Stallone the rumors are

he's done plastic surgery everywhere in fact He had an infection on his thigh or something from doing something, some sort of another. I can't prove this. This is something I just heard. So this is a guy that, like I said, man,

I watched Rambo 2, and I watched the beginning of Rambo First Blood Part 2. That's an interesting one. They go to Thailand, and he's stick fighting out of fucking temple and shit. That's what I had to do shit. I had to do things to do, so I turned it off. but you know who wouldn't want to keep that image what wouldn't you yeah man you know like he that's

something you associate with Sylvester Stallone because like back in the day I mean the first Rocky he wasn't even like jacked or anything he was jacked he was big in a different way he was he was thick he wasn't cut up or anything and then little by each rocky started getting more and then it was like Rocky three when he was with Apollo Creed and clubber laying and all that that's when he started getting like more defined and then Rocky four Rambo was when he started with the juice. Yeah, but like, Rocky 4, him and Dolvogger, man, those guys, that's when they were jacked and then I was like, holy shit.

And the second Rambo. And the first Rambo, he was pretty, pretty cut up in it, but in the second one, I remember because I just, I like, idolized Sylvester Sloan. He was training in Mexico in, like, the late 80s, and he would go down there and shoot. That's where they would all shoot. There was a kid I knew in Boulder and his dad owned a gym at Yucatan or something. And that's where they would go and they would meet Columbus. the bodybuilder

Franco Columbo Franko Columbo He was Arnold Schwarzenegger's partner Right And Franco

would shoot them up with Orbiton Indian and they'd come back and shoot he'd shoot

those fucking movies you know But I could Listen If you watch If you watch

Sean Penn in that close range He shot something good He shot Decker A close range

Yeah 1989 Yeah Yeah Sean Penn Yeah Sean Penn Christopher

Walking Madonna, no, Madonna had the soundtrack. The movie, they pulled the fucking movie advertising, so the movie bombed. They thought Madonna's soundtrack would carry the movie. But the movie's a masterpiece. Yeah? It's called At Close Range. At Close Range. I never even heard of that. It's crazy.

Christopher Walkin and Sean Penny plays his father. And it's a fucking group. We've talked about it on the movie the first scene, second scene in the movie. As soon as you see Sean Penn, you're like, what the fuck? What's going on with these? You could see the veins in his arms. You could see that it was a six weeks regiment. It was just a short little regiment, and he lifted,

and maybe did push-ups, and he had a trainer, and they taught him how to put on, you know, cut perfectly. I had a friend who knew how to do that also. He could work with you for eight weeks, give you annavar or Winstrow, and you look like a fucking, you didn't look like Johnny Adonnas, but you look like you did something.

He knew how to work you out. You know what I'm saying? He didn't shoot you with nothing. he just dropped a little Winnie V on you in those days, whatever that is now. That's changed by now. Look at Lysiah. What's going on Lysiah?

You keep looking at that fucking professor like can feel like he knows about the kettlebell. I'm not going to have to go down there and put it between my legs and throw up in the air like a fucking chef of Benihanna. You're an interesting dude, Professor. You really know what the fuck you're doing. I hope people.

I hope so. I know that the last time you were, a lot of people asked your question. Oh, yeah, man. And you had major league success. If anybody deserves you know what you're doing, man. I appreciate it, man. I put love and all that.

But yeah, man, like, shout out to all the people who embraced me from the first time I was on here, man. I still get emailed. And I always send you screenshots. I send him screenshots when people go, hey, I saw you on Joey's show. And they're super cool, man. A lot of, like, very positive people, man. I appreciate it. People on this show want to get in shape.

People on this show. Everybody needs to work out regardless of you. Everybody wants to know what to do, man. Everybody wants to know what the fuck to do. Yeah, man, everybody needs to work out regardless of it. I love everybody to do my kettlebell programs, but, you know, it's not for everybody. You know, some people dig other things. And that's okay, just find what you enjoy doing and then stick with it, you know, stick with it three times a week at least, you know, but everybody needs to exercise in some form or another, whether it's kettlebells, whether some people like CrossFit, that's fine. I know people whose lives have been changed by CrossFit, you know. They got into it. I knew one guy who was like a raging alcoholic, man. And he met some some chicks she did crossfit and his body changed his lifestyle changing man more power to him because every time i was i would see him he was just loaded he was jacked up on blow he was jacked up on alcohol all the time he was as long as i've known him he's always been pudgy you know but like at crossfit

it changed his life you know so um yeah just find something you enjoy doing and and stick with it man and i've been working with the kettlebell kings too my sponsors go on their website get some kettlebells I'm writing articles for them and we're trying to share the kettle jitsu love together. But yeah, man. Exercise is very important. You know, it's funny because I wanted to put you on for the last month, but I said, you know what,

let me save him for the first week of the year. If he inspires one person, he got a 10-pound kettlebell and do Turkish get-ups the show work for one fucking person. Yeah, for sure, man. There's plenty of people that bought the program that saw me on the show.

and they're digging the workouts and stuff like that. So, it's pretty cool. Caution, and I'm telling you this with caution, I love for you to go to Honet right now and get a kettle bell. And I love for you to download professors tape the kettle jitsu. I love for you to do all these things. But I also want you to watch and listen to exactly what he's doing. Please do not get a gorilla kettle bell that weighs 75 pound

and attempt the shit that professors trying to fucking say these. Please don't be that stupid Go buy yourself a secondhand kettlebell that weighs You know 12 pounds whatever the fuck the light one And start with that we don't want you to get hurt in any shape I always tell people that how much they always you know they always have I love those common questions Please go to honor or were kettle jitu kings or whatever you want to do

Whatever works for you guys But do me that favor pay attention to what you're doing Pay attention to the professor's forms Exactly what he's doing and study it because we don't want you to get hurt. No, that's fucking simple. That's why we always warm up with the body weight first before we even touch a kettlebell, man. How long is the warm up before you touch a kettlebell?

A good like 15 minute warm up. But see, like we'll do like a mobility type of warm up and basic low impact workout and then we'll get into body weight training because I really feel that you should master your own body body body body tool as well. And kettlebell and body weight training they go together. So it's not just kettlebell. It's actually kettlebell and body weight. So like on this program, I do like a bunch of different burpee variations, you know, like I'm very creative, man.

You know, so like I've developed like a lot of different burpee variations because the regular burpee variations, it's a great. That's why CrossFit people do. Everybody does regular burby. But even just doing that one over and over, it gets fucking boring, you know. So I mix it up. You teach me to do a burpee. You know, I used to be the. I can show you, I can show you a burpee variation to do which will suit you better because, you know, you might not be able to jump up.

on both feet at the same time. So I have one called the K-Town burpee that's on the KVis strength of conditioning where you come up one negative time. I actually learned that from a student of mine. Angeli Korea. Angelie Korea. She's in a band called Koreatown.

And she's like a musician. And her friends used to drag her into a kettlebell class, you know. And she's awesome. I love her to death. But like she used to do these burpees. Like, all right, burpees. And then she'd go down like one negative at a time, all lazy and come up one leg at a time.

I was like, that's kind of cool. I kind of like that. You know, so I developed like a burpee variation called K-town burpees because like a lot of people who are heavier can't do a regular burpee. So that's one of the things as a trainer is you always have to know how to adapt exercises for people. Because like I said, like I have my regulars in kettle Jitsu class and they can do all the movements that we do. But then I have people trying it out all the time. And everybody's at a different fitness level. So like if I didn't have ways to adapt for them, then they wouldn't even want to stay in the class anymore, you know.

So to be a good trainer, you have to be able to think on your toes really. quick. You have to have like a really deep bag of tricks. So, man, I can train anybody, you know, so yeah, for sure. For you too, Lee. Where can they go find all your stuff again, Professor? Kettlejitsu.com. Easy. You can find me on YouTube Kettle Jitsu, Instagram, Kettle Jitsu.

Go to my business page on Facebook. Kettle Jitsu, everything. But if you go to Kettlejitsu.com, I have all my downloads up there. And I'll be releasing two more downloads this week. Excuse me, not in week, this year. Bodyweight for BJJG. and KB flow. That's about kettlebell flows and warmups for jiu-jitsu and stuff like that too.

You're beautiful, Professor. I appreciate it, man. I'm a little disappointed that neither one of you realize that I'm not wearing glasses right now. Did you notice that? And the last one of my students was like, Professor, you've got to do something in those damn glasses. Because I had like these cheap CVS specials like on the last show that I did with you. They're all crooked. I didn't even realize until you pointed out there.

I got laser eye surgery, man. How's it work? It's fucking awesome, dude. I can drive at night without freaking, I can see your face. I can see that beautiful face of yours. Look at Lee. Look at the shape of Lee. Oh, my God.

He's fucking dumb. I love it. It's that fucking, Hey, I'm glad I didn't do that star, that a full star with you guys because he was like, no, don't worry about it.

You feel like you? I'm good, man. I told you. I'm good, dude. Listen, people, I brought the professor on if it inspires you in any way, but it's your year, whatever you're doing,

whether you're smoking, you're going to quit blow, you're going to quit heroin, you're going to quit sleeping, Pills, you know what, let's do it together, but it's got to start somewhere. This is what it's all about tonight. It wasn't about for you to get a fucking kettlebell and hit yourself in the head and kill yourself. It's more for a new start.

That's why I brought the professor on it. New Year, new start. You know what I'm saying? And don't forget, you fucking savages over there in the Cleveland area. Uncle Joey's showing up with a big dick and a warm jacket. It starts Thursday night. Hilarities, pick, wick, and whatever the fuck. Thursday, Friday, Saturday,

and then the next week I'm in Tempe at the fucking improv. All right, so that's how we're doing it. So this Thursday, I think it's the 11th or 12th or something like that. The party starts in Cleveland. I'll see you cock suckers down there. Let me talk to you guys about one thing

before you get out of here real quick, okay, because you know me. I'm no fucking Captain Evil here. Remember one thing. Everybody likes this. If you ask the professor, sleeping is one of the most important parts of everything. I even sleep and I still can't recover.

That's how old I am. Sometimes I go to Jiu-Jitsu. I think I'm going to go to the next day. Even if I go to bed early, I get eight hours sleep, but I can't sleep. But sleeping is very important. You're unique. You don't walk like everybody. You don't talk like everybody.

You don't sleep like everyone. So why is your mattress one size fits all? Because a custom mattress will cost you five to 10,000. Until now, Uncle Joey, delivering the goods, introducing Helix Sleep, where you can buy mattresses online, customized. for you for hundreds of dollars instead of thousands. I'm saving you, Getus, right off the fucking bat, all right? Go to helix.com, answer a few questions based on four key preferences,

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Customers report 30% improvement and overall sleep. You got 100 nights to try it out. And if you don't love it, they pick it up for free and give you 100% fucking refund. No questions asked. All right. Who's better than Uncle Joey? That's why I removed from GQ Magazine to Forbes is talking about Helix Sleep. Go to Helixleep.com right now slash Joey and get $50.

off your order. Again, that's helixleep.com slash Joey. Helixleap.com slash Joey. You're going to fucking love it. But for you business owners out there again, we're talking about the beginning of the year you want to start a new. It's a new year, which means you want a fresh start to your business. And a great year starts with making new great hires, all right? But posting your job in one place isn't enough to find quality candidates. If you want to find the perfect hire, you need to post your job on all the top job sites, and now you can. With ZipRecruiter, you can jumpstart your hiring in 2017. Post your job to 200-plus job sites, including social media networks like Facebook and

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No juggling emails or calls to your office. People bothering you. Quality screen candidates, rate them and hire the right person. Zip, zip, zip, zip fast. Find out today why ZipRecruiter has been used by one million businesses. And right now, my listeners, you got a business. You can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free by going to ZipRecruiter.com slash church. C-H-U-R-C-H, that ZipRecruiter slash church.

C-H-U-R-C-H. One more time for free, go to ZipRecruiter.com slash church, all right. Do your thing. Happy New Year. I want to thank ZipRecruiter. I want to thank Helix Sleep. I want to thank me on these. But most importantly, I want to thank you motherfuckers

for starting to year off with us, getting your shit together, slinging dick and giving our bubble gum. And that's how we fucking do it. If you're going to be an American, this is the year to do it. Don't worry who the Captain Kirk of the Enterprise is. You don't got to worry about Trump. Just worry about yourself.

I want to thank my main motherfucking professor, the king of swing, the master of disaster. The king of swing. Go to Joey Alvarado. What's the email again? What's the web page? Kettlejitsu.com. Gettlejitoo.com. Also go to kettlebell kings for the kettlebells.

Do yourself a favor. If it wasn't for swings and shit, we'll profess I couldn't do a hip escape right now. All right. I'll see you this week in hilarities. and next week in Tempa, Arizona. Stay black motherfuckers. I love all you cocksuckers. Lee, kick this meal, cocksucker.