The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #455 - Jorge Masvidal

Episode Date: February 13, 2017

Jorge Masvidal, a UFC fighter, with a professional record of 32-11, including 15 wins by submission or TKO, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: DSTLD -��Get 10% off of your first pair of DSTLD's premium jeans that start at just $75 instead of hundreds at DSTLD.com/joey Zeel - Get the best massage of your life, in your home. Get $25 off of your first massage when you go to Zeel.com/church or use promo code church on the zeel app.  Indochino - Go to Indochino.com and use code "church" at checkout to get any premium suit for only $389 (thats 50% off the regular price for a made-to-measure premium suit) and shipping is free.     Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 02/12/2017.  

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Monday. February 13th, I think, who gives a fuck? It's a beautiful day to be alive. The church of what's happening now? Lee Syatt. My main man, Hon. Head Mazdival. And your Uncle Joey Diaz, cossackers. Every day, you dirty bitch.

I want your love. I need your love. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joey here. My main man, George Mazzdival. My little Jewish brother, Lee Syatt, what's happening, gentlemen? How's it going, sir? It was a great weekend.

Great little fucking weekend. A little calmly. What I do? I hang out with the family. It's nice. I had a couple weeks in a row. And the one week I shot a pilot. That whole week I was working.

I didn't see him until Sunday. And then I had to go to Nashville. So this is really like, and you know how it's like, bro. You know how it's like. You get caught up sometimes. Then you say, I'm going to go home next week. Then they contact you for promotional week somewhere. and now you're on the road four weeks.

For some guys, they're like, fuck, I don't have to deal with my shit. But there's some dudes that truly, I like being at home, bro. You know, 20 years ago, I didn't like being at home. There was no home. You know what I'm saying? I couldn't wait until I got the fuck out. Now, I got something to be appreciative at the house, so you want to go home and spend time with your family.

Like, you were telling me you were gone for a month before the cowboy found. For a month. I would die. Yeah, it sucked, bro. I would die. I would die. I believe, you know. thinking to go to New York before

an IAC and going to a Knick game, then they lost to the Lakers at home. There's no reason. If the Lakers beat you at home on a Tuesday night, I can't watch it. So once that happened, I just made an excuse for myself, I said, fuck it, I have to go to New York for a week now. I'll just fly in Wednesday and fucking do my show Thursday, Friday,

Saturday. I can't do it no more, George. I can't do it no more. I used to leave here in November and come back in April. And the whole time I'd be doing weekends everywhere all over the country from Toronto to Buffalo to Miami for two weeks. That's what breaks me down. I hate travel.

I could go to one place, stay in one place, but to bounce around like that, like two days here, two days here, two days here, two days here, that shit sucks. They just threw it like a tour at me, and it was like three weeks of four days in a row, like three weeks, and it's Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and you've got to travel all fucking four days. I can't do it no more, though. I could travel, get to my destination.

The other thing is I'm lazy. I don't want to take apart my sleep apnea machine. That's a pain to fucking ass, Doug. Once that sleep apnea machine comes out of the bag, that's where it fucking stays. I don't want to fuck around and, you know, pack it up again and take it out the next day. But enough for this bullshit.

You can't just get two of them, get one for the road? Yeah, but even if you have one for the road, you still got to break it down every day. That's my point. I have two of them. I can leave one. There's one in the house. There's going to take it on the road.

But you still got to dismantle it, put it in the bag, and that shit burns me to fuck up. So let's get back to basics here. The last time he came on the show, I had kind of an accident that night. I ate one too many fucking stars, you know, and we went a little off course here, which sometimes it's fun.

But, you know, fuck. I had a blast. I don't know. We had a blast that night. We giggled our asses off. But the whole thing was I had things I wanted to ask you and how you had come up with these things and stuff. Most important fucking thing I want to ask you is A to Z.

What made you raise your hand against Cowboy? And I said it on your show. You remember? What A to Z? I said it on your show. So people know they're going to call me a prophet if you tuned in to the last time I was here. I said just what I was going to do in the show. And that's break his will and then break his face.

And it sounds nasty stuff that I'm still talking like that. But it's the truth. When it comes to fighting, I like the fight. And I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do. So there's no coincidence about it. I'm going to kick your ass on a certain date. and I'm going to tell you how I'm going to do it. Now, this is your, what number fight?

40. More than that. In the octagon. I don't know the number. 31. What's your record now? 32 and 11. Okay, 32 and 11.

That's fucking, that's 43 goddamn fights. Not to mention the 82,000 you had from 5 to fucking 14. Yes, sir. I was watching some of those tapes last time. They're good. Jesus Christ, it's like, okay, you had a bar, somebody drops a drink on your shirt you got a bit slapping

you throw two punches you go outside you fight for a minute the cops come it's over you had to walk to this kid's house you walk through the door like Batman you opened up the wooden gate and shit you almost hit the chicken there was a chicken in the yard

and shit I mean what the fuck now I watched that show the one that your boy did the other director remember he did his fourth movie is about fighting The guy that did Miami The fucking Billy Corbyn.

One of his movies was about fighting And the Black neighbor Where they rope it up and shit Dog fight Dog fight I watched that and it was interesting But your fucking YouTube shit It's like you're there It's like you don't even need 3D glasses

You can hear the punches and shit People talk in Spanish What were you thinking? It's a fight That's what I was thinking Were you getting paid for those? I was betting we were betting you know people were betting there too as well plenty of bets was going on and

it's a way to make legal income so no no tackling people just pop pop a knee and once they go down you can't arm bar yeah once we got there we we agreed no ground about or none so I get there and in the morning up from and to tell me hey you could relax he's gonna fight somebody else before you I didn't understand why he would do it but I was like he could do whatever he wants okay so he fought some dude he knocked them out like in 30 seconds a minute I forget the exact time and I come out and as soon as I'm coming out everybody was just screaming then I was going to get knocked out you know very similar to the cowboy fight everybody was yelling you're going to get killed look at this skinny little

guy he's going to get murdered and uh I proved them wrong then you know so I like I like the hostile territory it's crazy because I thought about you before you came on the show the last time and yeah when I was a kid I got the situations I got hit with a lunchbox and But it was all why you were playing and then like I remember I used to live on 205 West 88 Street If you ever go to New York, it's a nice apartment building That's why I grew up when I came from Cuba that was the second place we lived but I got into a fight with Rudy the Haitian Ruey the Haitian lived downstairs Rudy the Haitian and me were good friends that every once in a while we just beat the fuck out of each other

But my mother can handle it Rudy's father couldn't handle it and I would tell mr. Rudy were playing You know basketball and he called me a fucking and I called him Rudy the Haitian and all of a sudden we started smacking each other and shit. The next thing you know, one time his father took me and held my arms and he told Rudy to hit him and Rudy's like, no dad, and he's like,

hit him, Rudy, I'm not to fucking throw you out. So Rudy smack me and he cracked my lip and then Rudy's father asked me where I lived and I said, 3A and he had me by the neck and he knocked on the door and my mother answered and the kitchen was right behind the door

and the guy goes, if your son ever touched my son again. I'm like, come up here and beat him up, then I'm going to beat you up. And my mom goes, wait one second, and she turned around and she took the biggest knife out of the rack, bro. And she chased him up the fucking steps. And then the lady, the cops came, and the lady next door came out. And she

said she didn't see a knife. So the cops didn't arrest my mother. So fucking, uh, the kid didn't see a knife either. Only Rudy's father. But that motherfucker and dad ran up those stairs, bro. My mother was on him. With La Wata Casa on. My mother wasn't even dressed, really. She was just

fucking uh it was like early in the morning that poor dude had no idea who's door no idea it was a cuban mother no do it no don't even let an islam's door i mean uh isis is his door yeah jihad door don't knock on a cuba mom's door fucking crazy so beside that there was only one time in my life where i knew i was gonna fight somebody like at two o'clock we decided and at 3 30 he came over and he beat the fuck out of me it was terrible i couldn't handle it my head almost blew up thinking about how to fight somebody in an hour. That's why I admire you guys, because... But then I've had fighters say to me, dog,

how do you public speak? It's fucking terrible. I can't do it. I have nervous breakdown. So it's kind of the same walking on thin line for some people. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. For sure.

But you did great, man. You know, it's really nice to see some. I thought that... Dana had made a statement about Cowboy. about two years ago, maybe 18 months ago. He says that he's great with Cowboy, but he doesn't know what Cowboys going to show up. I don't know who he fought, that he just looked, you know, he was flat.

Cowboys was a great fighter? Was it RDA? That he just looked really flat, that that's what Dana made the comment, you know? So I'm thinking to myself, look at fucking George's got him down. He knew he won a couple fights in a row. He's bound to lose.

It's a fight at home. We all know how tough it is to do anything at fucking home. That's why I don't perform. performing bananas. That's why I don't do that shit. I always perform in New York City where it's a hike for them. Or New Brunswick where it's a fucking height for them. But to do something in my own backyard, I'll never do it. I did it one time and it was the biggest mistake in my life. I can't focus, man. I can't do crazy material because that's the girl I was in the sixth ray with and we sold Girl Scout cookies. I can't tell her I smoke crack and I was eating some fucking black chick's asshole. So I fall apart at the scene. So trust me, there's more to There's more stories to this shit. I just eliminate the performing at home.

That's it. I eliminated it in my backyard. No backyard appearances. What happened, Papa? No backyard appearances. No, bro. Because it hurts too much on stage. I did it once in New York.

About five years ago, I played that thing. I bombed. I ate a box of dick on stage. Because I had kids in there from the sixth grade. I didn't really want them. You know, I was a different kid. in the sixth grade i was catholic i didn't smoke pot i wore tom mccan's shoes you know i'm saying i played with football i read comic books now they're coming to see me i'm talking about eating eight

balls and fucking stabbing people and pedophiles kind of embarrassing you know what's saying i mean have you thought about fighting in miami did we do they have fights in miami they're having a long time uh they didn't do so well i think in the past so they haven't been i think too inclined to come back oh i would prefer not to fight in miami because everybody that you went to school with the lunch lady that hated you, she's calling you for tickets. It's crazy. It's crazy.

Yeah. I remember maybe when the Man Show was on. It was fucking empty. So, while we were a sketch for the Man Show, it was fucking empty. But this was a whole different UFC. This was the guy from Hawaii, the fatter guy. I think the only guy in the stadium was Shaq. Like, Shaq was like, he had like six rows to himself and shit.

That's how fucking dead it was. But what you do, man, is tough for a fucking living. How old are you now, Jordan? 32. So you're a young man. You're in your fucking prime. You got another fucking 10 years left if you want to bang it out. But realistically, like four or five, you know what I'm saying?

I got a good five-in-me-old. Five in you. I thank God for the reflexes. I haven't been in too many wars. So I think I got the best five years of my career now, you know. I've been dropped. It's not like I haven't been dropped in a fight twice or taking sustained punishment, you know, that I got beat up round after round. You haven't been knocked out in something like nine years.

Like knocked out or submitted it. It's crazy. Like you've lost some decisions, but I was looking at it. It was, I don't remember right now, but it was something crazy like 2009, 2005. It was something weird like that. It was a while ago. Yeah. You improve with every fight, George.

You feel yourself improving. You push yourself. It's not just with every fight. It's with the opponent, you know? It's like sometimes you're fighting certain dudes or weak-sauce dudes, and you're like, man, this is not where I should be. You know, I kind of rise to the challenge. If I'm fighting certain somebody,

and I know this guy's good at a certain something, I'm going to turn it against him, you know. I'm a cardio, the cardio guy. I'm a wrestler, the good wrestler. Because that's who I am in my mind. I like to beat guys in their own craft. I knew I was going to beat Cowboy Standing. With his own great weapons that he uses the kick,

I was able to use that kick against him because that's what I like to do in fights, you know. So it just depends on the opponent a lot of times. It's so wild how you have to push yourself in this life. Because I don't get excited either anymore. It's doing some stuff like when I went up to Lee, I figured it out why I had so much anxiety that night in Wilbur, you know, because of those reasons.

You want to rise to the occasion. So my adrenaline just gets me all fired the fuck up And once I say two minutes of material, I'm normal You know, my adrenaline gets so fired up Like so fucking wound up In fighting, I think you gotta get, like for me I always had to get points in the face one time Once you get points in the face, you got something

Now you know you got a punch from him You ain't gonna go down, now I know where I am That was always my thing You always got to get hit once or twice And knocks you back into fucking realville And you're like, okay, now I know I know know I am let me breathe a little bit just the blood pumping boom boom boom boom and I normally don't like it to ask about current fights because of people but this was kind of a big fight what have you

ever had a fight similar to like Derek Bronson anderson Silva where like you were just so in shock of seeing that personally like it just seemed like Derek Brunson just couldn't believe for a few minutes that he was in the ring with Anderson's like have you had a situation similar to that The yeah the closest thing to it was when I fought Eves Edwards I was very young in my career and and I looked up to Eves I had seen a lot of his fights He had a DVD going out of him knocking people's teeth out. It was crazy. I forgot the name of that DVD but he fought against Aaron Riley twice in it And I had seen a couple of his fights already and I knew he was so when I fought him I was a little star-struck Well, how does it feel the first round's weird you don't really want to hit him hard now? No, no, no I was trying to get him

I was trying to kill him since the start. Okay, see, I was trying to kill him since the start, man. I would fucking fold, though. Mentally I would fold. I'm that type of dude that I might think you're a stud and all, but I'm still going to try to take your head off. You know, I knew Eves was a beast, and I knew I couldn't respect him. That's the type of guy you have to not give him anything because he's a killer, man.

He was like one of the most skill fighters I think I've fighting still to this day, you know? Who's the hardest punching all your fights that has rattled you? Because it's not even about the hardest punch. It's where they get you with that punch. Yeah. Because I fought in some hard punches and never got a hit off of me and then I fought in wrestlers

that weren't known for hitting hard and they got good shots in on me. Michael Chase had rolled my bell pretty good, you know? You dropped me pretty good in the first round. It was boom, and a lot of times it's like a light switch and you're able to get right back on. Sometimes it takes a little longer

to turn the light switch on, you know? And with that one, I kind of felt it was a good shot, you know? And you just breathe through it. You just keep moving, man. No matter what happens, you take it like a D. It's like doing a sprint. You're prepared to do a really long.

spring you go and just go whatever you got to do because if a guy hit you again maybe you go to sleep you know so you got to start wrestling even harder or throwing more punches you got to do something to get that guy to stop whatever he's doing you know that's like the sprint right there the ill sprint like the cops are chasing for 10 blocks sprint you know what a punch that hard is to a comedian like saying 10 jokes and nobody even fucking does nothing that's what shock you go into like if I would do five minutes you know 10 years ago maybe 12 years ago, if I would do five minutes and I wasn't getting no laughs,

it's like getting the punch to the head because you've got to breathe heavy up there and fucking, digging deep and see where this is next joke is going to come on. You got to set a pattern now and slow down. It's so weird the importance of slowing down, like just going, okay, where the fuck am I at?

Fuck these motherfuckers. I put my hands in my pocket, breathe a few times and get this party started all over. And I see it all the time with fighters. They're the kings of that shit, man. You gotta be able to hit the reset button. You gotta say, because when I'm fighting, it's a voice in Spanish, always talking to me in my own head.

Campinga! And then I could just fucking overdrive. You get hit and you get hurt, and you hear that voice like, you hear that voice like, what the fuck? Fuck this guy, I'm gonna fuck him up. You know, in Spanish, I hear that. And then I just go, bro, you know. I feel that now, man, it's so weird when you watch a fighter

for a few years or a football player or a boxer. And you see how all the pieces fall together. That's always great to look at a fighter's career or a musician and see when all the pieces are falling together. That's what's going on with you right now. There's a lot going on. There's a lot going on. There's airs going on.

You created a fucking storm with this shit. And it's always great to see what it takes. You know what I'm saying? To create that storm, you know? If you call somebody out, you got to deliver the goods. You got to deliver the goods. You got to deliver the goods. You know, uh, and, and can, can you explain?

Because to me, when I hear calling out, at first you might think that you think the other person's a bad fighter. Like, you think you're going to beat them, but it's not that Saroni is a bad, like, he's not a bad, like, he's not a bad fighter. He's, he has some good skills, like, or, or do you not even think, do you just think they're terrible? Like, what do you think? Because like, to me, I would want to acknowledge how good the other person is because I don't want them to be like, oh, well, he just beat Saroni. It's not, well, it's not just Saroni. Like, well, from what I heard from like several media sources and I think, I don't know if it was Joe Rogan or somebody said that the best cowboy they had seen was cowboy right now at 170 pounds. He was knocking people out and he was taking people down and he was riding them out.

I knew that that fight for me would be easy and I knew he had a high ranking number, you know? That's why I say easy. Not just because the fight will be easy, but this journey is easy money, the easy money campaign. but I knew that that fight was going to be extra easy, man. Yeah, what is easy money campaign? I keep seeing you tagging them. I can't. The game Joey knows this better than me is to be sold, not told.

So I can't give it out like that. When we turn the cameras off, I can tell Joey in person, but I can't tell everybody. It's crazy how strategic you have to be in this business, especially you have seen it. You know, like I've said a thousand times, the longevity of a running back is three fucking years. You know, we saw Barry Sanders,

and we saw the dude from Dallas, but in reality, those guys come and fucking go. We just don't see it. Some of them get drafted. How I go, three years? You know, in the UFC, you have a window. And the formula is three fights, you know? You went all three in those first three fights,

and then you start calling out motherfuckers, and you just keep climbing little by little, you know. You look at the guy. You don't go from number 19 to number. number one and call that and do it out, you look at number 13. Now you want to be number 13 for a few months. And then it's so strategic. You know what I'm saying?

Then the two champions are going to fight and somebody breaks their hand. And there you are with a big dick and a fucking bucket full of yumb yums. They call you. And there you are. It was that fucking easy to journey. You know, you never know. Oh, for sure. You never know.

But you just got to keep plugging the fuck away. Oh, yeah. That's what I'm draining nonstop, you know. The UFC is kind of interesting, though, because, you know, you know, you know, In other sports, it's easily determined who's going to go to the playoffs. But in the UFC, at that level, there's some people who you think are going to get the next shot, but it's never really, there's no real definite title shot usually, maybe now what the interim titles are. But is that frustrating as a fighter?

Do you feel like you should have gotten a title shot? I think a lot of the media outlets are like fake news. Much like our commander-in-chief likes to say that there's fake news. I think there's a lot more fake news in MMA than there is in the real world. You know, they've got these bogus rankings a lot of times. I don't know who the fuck be doing the rankings, you know, when they do it. But it's crazy. I think a lot of it is a popularity contest nowadays more.

Let's let's pretend this is 155. And you got RDA, you got Khabi, and you got Tony Ferguson and you got the king of swing and you got four guys and you three guys are going back and forth wrestling and beating each other up to determine who's going to get the Irish kid, right?

But guess what? The last two fights on the prelims I knocked the motherfucker out in the first round and I mean one time the mouthpiece went out of the fucking thing and guess what? The last time they put me on number three on the card I wouldn't buy a fucking knockout

and a kick to the head and I call out Connor McGregor you know what I just came off three dramatic fucking wins fuck you three dudes you know

that's what it's entirely possible you know he's rising quick and they decide that's the money fight you don't know right now

who's the real money fight you know there's 20 money fights right now yeah there's 20 fucking money fights now what you got in the UFC

is that guess what man and I'm not being out of line here you took away my sponsorship money i'm in that fucking realm guess what i want a money fight i got if i win fights i got nothing wrong by me asking for a money fight put me in the ring with one of these guys let me get a half a million or three quarters of a million fucking dollars i need that you're hired i just fought i just fought seven times for the small fucking 30 gs or the small 50 gs while

everybody's getting fat and flying the fucking hawaii and smoking you know what i'm saying You look at the gates, you look at different fucking things. So I get that. I did it for years. You know what they pay you at the comedy store on sunset? $15. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, $15. If you do the main room, you get 70% split by 22 people.

But during the week, you get $15. Am I frustrated? No. It got me to where I am today. Those six fights you had at the short 20 G's, while everybody else was getting $200,000, what are you going to fucking do? But guess what?

Now I fought my six fights at 20 Gs. I got the fight at a night bonus three times. I got the taste of blood. Let me get a fucking one of those one million things too. Let me get some security for my family. What happens if I get kicked in the head and I don't know how to fucking spell Washington? You know what I'm saying?

I forget how to spell Washington. How am I going to get a fucking job when I'm 40? You got to give me a little something. You know what I'm saying? A little something, two or three or those? fights in a row. You know, Michael Bisbing's looking for it. You know, a bunch of those guys are waiting for it. I know the fight is Michael Bisbing against your all Romero on paper. But you know what? Michael Bisbing's been there for 20 years. He's been to the USC for a long time. He's got

a knockout that's on every knockout reel in America. His eyes by Dan Henderson, his fucking eye, Por de Cito. He lost a fucking eye in this sport. You know what, bro? He's got two kids. let him get a money fight against GSP or something like that one time you all ain't going nowhere you're all ain't going nowhere you're always getting stronger and bigger every day you're always going the other direction when you get to be 38 you can't see your dick starts fucking around your piss smells funny but Joe was up there too he's like 38 he's like 38 but you always got two two or three more years you know what I'm saying but these guys are all they're kind of entitled to it I can't see me going

into the UFC tomorrow winning two fights and saying I want a million I can't give it to you You won two fights, kid But let me see 16, 18 fights Oh no, please Please, please Chris Wydman still hears fucking noises

He can't hear new chucks no more Chris Wythman That's the loudest crack I ever heard in my fucking life He can't even be in the room With his wife Is making breakfast in the morning Chris Wyden What about Jared Cannon He fought last night

Still does FAA job They said he did his 10-hour shifts Yeah, he just found on the paper view last night. Yeah, he has a federal job. And he's just like, I'm not giving it up. Oh, that's his insurance. That's probably his family's insurance. I don't know what the situation is.

But, you know, hey, listen, everybody wants a money fight. You know why everybody wants to fight Conner? Fucking Anderson Silver wants to fight Conner. I have fucking Sugar Ray Leonard wants to fight. Everybody wants to fight sugar. Sure. Everybody wants to make $20 million. You know what I'm saying?

but there's not a there's not a lot of those fights but you everybody wants one of them and right now you've been to the UFC you paid your dues all the dudes have been paid the dues have been paid I've been paid from the fucking backyard to now from the backyard then now them do's been paid

outside the UFC that's what I mean like a lot of dudes get to skip lines and privileges because they were an ultimate fighter or they got a big fan base coming in and you see him getting put on big cars and getting pushed and that's the shit Then I'm like, that's cool, you know.

But when it comes to the ranking, it's based on fighting ability. You know, on who's beating, who's up, you know? Promote whoever you want to promote. But I just want to fight the best in the world. And it took until this long for me to get this number by my name. And I didn't get good overnight. I've been good. It's just that I haven't been able to get these star key matchups, you know.

How much bargaining power do you have when you sign a contract? I think because I don't think the average fan And if you can't talk about it That's fine I'm asking you to tell you your specific contract But just can you say I want this specific Can I want more for a fight Or do you lock in how much you're getting paid per fight For 10 fights I don't know

I'll plead the fifth Okay fair enough Your honor That's your mother It's a beautiful fucking thing You know listen man I get pissed sometimes now I get pissed sometimes now

I get pissed when I go to a club now sometimes and they pay me on a percentage and I look at the check and I look at that same owner who told me 20 years ago after I did the longest yard all he could pay me is 800 for the week

and I want to fucking punch the fuck out of them but on the same time he gave me an opportunity to improve and guess what I beat the odds and I get him now you know what I'm saying so I understand I understand the fight game

I understand what happened. I mean, do I support the none? I like the fighters to make money. They get punched in the fucking head. This isn't a fucking job where you go in and staple papers and go home at the end of the day. You know, something might happen. It's hard work, man.

Six fucking days a week, and you're sore and you're eating Advils. What do you think is happens to your liver when you're fucking 60 and shit? It's a tough fucking life, man. Everybody wants to get paid, but I don't think at times people don't understand the commitment they have to do to be paid. You know, I got it. I had it over the fucking years.

Listen, I lived till fucking six years ago, I paid $600 for rent in Hollywood in the studio with my wife. You know what I'm saying? But you stick with this shit long enough. And the whole time I was making money all those years, I was just snorting it. I was snorting and smoking fucking dope and eating like an animal. So you don't do a fucking dick,

but it's so weird how everybody gets into stuff for money. When I got into comedy, I didn't get into comedy for money, bro. Not at all. I never thought about comedy. I never thought about money in comedy. When I would call you and you'd say my club pays 50 bucks, I would take it. To me, I knew how to pay my dues. I always fucking knew that.

Then one day you wake up and you go, you know what, I'm enough paying my fucking dues. I ain't doing that shit no more. And you make a constant decision not to do it. And that's when the door opens up for you. It's the people who say, I'm not going to do it no more. and then keep doing it, then they realize when they fuck, nobody's paying me because you haven't made the decision. After the strike in this town, the movie business dried up.

Bro, I was submitting myself 20 times a year for movies, plus my agents would submit me. I was working all the fucking time. Then there was a strike in town and everything disappeared. So people started contacting me for these YouTube fucking movies. You know, you got to bring your own clothes or $100 a day. That's the big one in this town. $100 a day.

So that, and you don't know it when you book the movie, but it's a night shoot because they can't afford to pay for locations So everything's a night shoot in a rush you got to go to a strip club and shoot at four in the fucking morning What I did like four of those things? And I said one day you know what I'm not doing this no more and I kept getting calls Kept getting calls kept getting calls and I refused to do those fucking things and one day I got grudge match Did they pay me? Ah, but at least I got a big time fucking movie. I'm not wasting my goddamn time It's not till I made a constant decision that that happened. You know what I'm saying? Then I, like when I was a comic, there was a lady who didn't fucking like me when I first started.

For me to get back at her, I would do her rooms for free. I would call her up the day of the gig and go, I'm going to go down there and do a guest spot. Because I knew that it would just make me stronger, that she was a piece of shit anyway, and I was going to show her. I was better than fucking she was. Then the club owners would ask her, how come you don't book him? And she would tell him some story, oh, he does drugs, I don't want to book him. whatever fucking story. She's dead.

I'm still fucking alive and ticking like a bad motherfucker that I am. The moral of the story is, it's like when a fighter, when you're home and you're home and you see a fighter get up and go, I just want to fight. I don't care what they pay me. You're like, you motherfucker, being the same thing with comedians. There's comedians. That's why when I first got to the store

when I made that remark. I said, the place is packed. They only give you $15 fucking dollars. And what the man is said, if you don't want to be you, take your name off the fucking list, I'll put a fucking map out there. And I'll do a sign up list for you at 1 o'clock in the morning. See how many people sign up for it.

You don't know how lucky you are. But you always want to get what you deserve also, you know? But for a while, you got a couple dicks in the ass, and that's the way the fucking ball bounces. Even Mike Tyson got fucked in the ass. You know what I'm saying? Even Mike Tyson, somewhere along the line, something happens. That's where you've got to watch your back like a motherfucker, you know?

All day. What's up, Lee, Syed? How you feeling? I'm feeling better than the last. last week, which was fun, though. But I'm feeling good, man. I had a one on the Anderson Silva bat. I had a good night last night.

You went and played Blackjack Friday night? Yeah, oh, my God. Yeah, I had a, I thought, I don't know what was. How'd you get rid of the wife that night? What did you do on Friday, that? How'd you get rid of? I just, she went to her spend some time with her cousin. They watch some, I think, I'm never going to get cable because that means I don't

have to watch the reality TV. She goes to her mom's house to watch reality TV. Perfect. So I'm just never going to get cable, man. I just forgot it on the Netflix. Yeah, I mean, that's all I would watch any of that program. Yeah. And it's so sad.

I don't watch SportsCenter at all anymore. But, yeah, I had so much. I really think, and now someone can just steal it, I really think it'd be a great, like, almost like a cheer show, but just in a casino. I think casinos, I love it. I don't know. This casino you go is to Ventura, correct?

Yeah, this is what they're always been very nice to me there. It's just the opposite of Vegas. How big is it? it's like in between a car dealership and an RV dealership it's probably the size of like a big warehouse they have a restaurant and they have mostly poker tables but they have back rotten like two or three blackjack tables in the back booze yeah how far is it for me an hour

and though the reason why I like it is they don't do collection because for whatever reason in California that you have to pay a dollar per a hundred your if you bet a hundred you have to bet a dollar to play your hand in blackjack and this one they have a company that pays for you so why don't you go down here to these places 20 minutes away downtown

where I used to go gamble those guys I don't know anywhere like there's commerce but they have the collection Hollywood Park has the collection I've never been to Morango or something like that but I can't commerce got good Chinese food place

I've been to commerce a few times so commerce was kind of scary I did commerce when I first moved I wasn't even living here yet. I was here at like 21. You walk in the commerce. You know the Yakuza lives in there. So does the fucking Ming Dynasty.

So there's a bunch of Filipinos. Any day that day is about to go off. A few Mexicans. Every time you're going there, you all look around. You're like, ooh. But we did comedy there for years. They did comedy there. I used to go in there every Thursday.

They gave you like 50 bucks. You went in that little diner in there. They gave you a free meal. I fucking milk that. You know, every Thursday. bro, this is the same shit. I never ate there. I've never, I've only, I did that

for the first time in, uh, what is it called? Inventura, but commerce was kind of, the first time I ever played blackjack was in commerce. And I had this lady yell at me, because she was being three hands of $100 a hand. She was professional.

Was she Asian? No, she was black. She was black women don't mess around you to. Asian women are kind of, uh, quiet. They'll be quiet and hate you. But black women will be yell at you at the table. At least this one did. You gamble, George?

A shit tonne, yes. What do you gamble? Poker. Poker. Okay. See. Are there casinos in Miami? Casinos, yeah.

In Miami. All over South Florida. And how big are they compared to them? This is how fucking retarded I am. They're big. I know nothing about this. There's like a hard rock. What am I saying?

I know about the Magic City Casino, but I thought that was just an isolated incident. No, we got Magic City. We got Mika-Suki. We got Hailea, the Hard Rock, Coconut Creek. the aisles casino I know I'm gonna degenerate so yeah what type of cards do you play

like what type of fucking blackjack do you play no I don't play blackjack I play poker how long did you learn poker because that's one that everyone says I have to learn I started playing when I was like 15 house games all the way up until I was like 22 23 and then from 23 till now I've been at the casinos

or no like as soon as I was 19 I was 19 started going to the casinos but not regularly how great is it when you win how great is that it's awesome it's awesome i've made good money in poker in Vegas and in tournaments in florida so it's paid off you're a tournament guy also i can play tournaments i used to do them a lot more i don't have time with the kids is a two three-day tournament i can't afford to be that many days you know so i mainly play cash now now two three-day tournament you stay that whole time no sleep no no no you go home asleep. It's like eight

hours, some of them. It depends. One day trying to make it last eight hours, ten hours, four hours if it's like a quicker format. When I was a kid, bro, I lived on this block. When my mother died, before my mother died, I didn't give it out of terrorists, but I used to the benders lived on

39th street, whatever the fuck. In that street, there were like, you know, six families that got together every Friday night. And They would cook for the weekend for the kids. They'd leave money out for the kids. These motherfuckers will play cards from Friday night straight until Sunday morning, bro.

No drugs. Holy shit. No drugs. Coffee, cooking, food. Coffee over. Lay down for an hour and get up and play fucking poker. If you're losing and you stay up the whole time, I don't have patience no more, George. I don't even know how to play poker.

I don't know. I know how to play blackjack vaguely. Dominoes. How about dominoes? Vaguely anymore. When I was more. When I was a kid, I played at the house. They played at the bar.

You know, but it wasn't like something that I went. You know, when I got locked up, I played with some of the black dudes from time to time. You know, I didn't know how to gamble on it or nothing. I don't know about that. That's my second sport, Domino's. More than the poker? I go on streaks here. I got like a Domino partner, which is my brother.

He's not around us. We don't play that much together. You play it with a team and me, you know. Me and him. know how to make the money you know where do you play dominoes oh man everybody plays dominoes in the houses you go to the domino park but those are like the o g dudes of the city it's just old kumn that are calculators you don't put your money ever up against those guys because you just lose you know that's next level shit but like at the family parties and stuff i'm the champ you know

how much are you betting on domino's well it'll be like like joy was just saying we'll go to like a cookout on Friday, having many family and friends. Everybody will pay in $20. You have like 25 people that'll do that, winner take all, or second place gets their money back when it takes the rest. Okay. I thought you were bringing like $1,000 a gamble. No, if you want, you can't. There's people that take it

that serious that you could find that'll put $1,000 up on Dominole. Yeah. You know, it's so weird. I sport gamble for like a year. I took a beating. And I just never had no interest in gambling. I worked too hard to give my money to a fucking bookie. Fuck that shit.

It used to break my heart when I had to meet that motherfucker on Thursday and give him $200 fucking dollars. He used to kill me inside, Doug. Kill me. So I said, fuck it, I just won't gamble. I can't handle it. If I'm stealing and selling drugs, I'll give you whatever you want on Thursday. You know what I'm saying?

But if I got to get up and work for it in the morning and do comedy and shit, I can't get it. I'm saving the gamble. Is that the most fucked up shit? Yeah. That's the most fucked up shit. If I was selling Coke, oh, yeah, I gamble. If I was robbing houses still and robbing drug deals, oh, I'll gamble that money away. I'm the quickest do it. I'll bet the Super Bowl next year.

I'm one of those assholes. But if I got to get up and work for it, shit, I ain't gambling my fucking money, Jack. You just suck my dick. I'll gamble on weed. That's it. How crazy. I set up a bank account. I'm saving.

I'm like just to have a little thing I can draw from so I don't go crazy. and fucking lose my apartment or anything. So you have a gambling bank account? Yeah, I'm not drawing from it, but I'm saving. I'm saving up so I can do another one of those big at the end of the year of Vegas trips. And I want to, like, I would just like to go and be able to sit down at the $25 table

and, like, paying like $500 and, like, not worry about it. You're not going to come home after the first. This guy always taps out, Doug. Well, because I always keep buying in. This guy gets there at seven. And by 20, he's got a room for two days. By 12, he's driving back. they broke him

happened twice they broke him they just broke him they broke him they broke his will he comes back twice yeah yeah you gotta milk it slow you gotta get better now let you practice at these casinos

once a week go down on Thursday nights when I'm gone and play cards at fucking Cohingda whatever bechanga whatever the fucking name of this player's casino

yeah just tell mama from now on Thursdays I'm playing cards yeah maybe I won't every man has a card night that's true every man has a card now you want to be good

cards leave you can't show up in Vegas once every six months yeah right yeah and play fucking cards this is this is the eighth discussion we've had about you like to gamble yeah if i that's just in the culture you know you got like no i love dude if i was thinking that's in the mandatory standard contract you got like two nights a week that are just for you minimum minimum starting rights just for you no if you want to play cards this is what you got to do you got to go somewhere on thursday now do they play blackjack and mentor yeah So, you know, Thursday nights, I'm from out of town. You leave at five.

You have a nice dinner by yourself. You bring a couple stars. You go to the small table and you learn everything you can. Yeah, just get hands under your belt. Every time you go, you go to lose after five hours. That's like me going to do Jitsu once a month and getting tapped out and not coming back for a month. You're not going to learn nothing. Right.

If you're going to learn how to play cards, that's why you lose all the time because you're rusty. Yeah, because I make mistakes. I always have. There's always one hand that I mess up on. So pick a night, pick a fucking night. Yeah, maybe a week. One of those, what do you get, those consulting things? Yeah.

That goes to you. That's your gambling money. Yeah, pretty much. We'll put money in the bank like a half a fag. What happens if the ISIS comes tomorrow? What good is that gambling pun going to do for you? Nothing. That gambling fun are going to do nothing.

And you like going to those weird places. Like Korea, town, you're going to get shot down there one day. So why are you putting money away for? Take that money every week to consult the money and take two consultings and go up to this is your money that nobody knows about and nobody should know about until i said it on the podcast but you know what i'm saying like an asshole rat that i am this is if you want to play because this is the problem you want to play we've had this discussion you go you get your show for cheap hotel yeah you know and then you come back the time i stayed you

twice you were kissing no no no the only time i won the only time i won the only time i won i'm surprised and this is silver didn't lose yesterday when i found out you better well as soon as i saw that on I go, poor fucking hands is this over. He's going down. You're the kiss of death, but you're good at sports. But I just thought about it. If you practice this blackjack once a week. Yeah, maybe I get better.

Yeah, you get better. You get the consulting. Nobody knows about it. You take two of them. You hop in your car at five before the traffic hits. You go up, they get a nice steak like a doctor. And you play some blackjack. You drink some coffee.

You eat a star or two. Yeah, no, that's what I did on a Friday. They got a hotel up there? They have like a motel. But it's only a little. really an hour. It's literally an hour. I'm just saying for that reason. I'm saying if you want to go outside and take a nap and maybe pull your dick and take a shower and go back downstairs and get more money. Oh yeah, I could. Yeah, no, I totally would. Yeah, for $69. If you won $1,000, $69 ain't going to put a dent in your fucking G-note. You bring a little suitcase of you. You get to the hotel next door. You wash your pussy. You wash an episode of fucking loan order. You scrape your asshole. You take half the money, put it away, and you take the other envelope downstairs. And now you're ready for round two. You got to take a nap when you can. It, well, how do you win it fucking the one-armed bandit? I don't know what that is.

The one-armed, the fucking slop machine. How do you want it to slot machine? Play, I don't know. You have to sit there. Okay. The people who win the big fucking money, they sit there. And they odds it. They pull a fucking George Mazdevile.

They count the odds. They go against the odds. They put quarters in for an hour. Then they throw three quarters in for fucking 20 minutes. Then they just throw quarters in there. But the whole time. they're getting the wheel of fortune. And they're milking that motherfucker's titty's and you suck of the tithies and your fingerbagging a little son.

Wheel of fortune. You've been there for six fucking hours. That machine's as warm as it's going to be. Eventually it's going to spit out a fucking golden retriever here. Bam, you get your 50 Gs and you go to your room. Nobody sticks around long enough with the slot machine because they lose their money all in one fucking shell. Well, when you go to the casinos, the people who stay there all there are the older women and men who just... And they bang it out.

Oh, yeah. If they go to Vegas 10 times a year, they make money seven times. Guaranteed. They got three weekends. They lose what, maybe two, 300? How much can they possibly save up? They've got to check on the first. Right.

And I don't know. I know I know it's, I'm not supposed to like it losing money. But I'm a shy person. I love the whole part of game. I love everything about it. I love being at the table and high-fiving. I love telling people good luck. when you wish good luck when you have a black

hoping for a blackjack you hit the table I get crazy I like I like it it's a it's a whole atmosphere that it's it's like a little party is but when you get going late at night with a blackjack table there's nothing more fun when everyone at the table's winning

when the dealer's rooting for a bust and then he bust and then especially if you're like one of the weird like one of the casinos that has like a bust side bet where you can bet that the dealer is going to bust and like so if you have like a seven I always sat at a table at Ventura and this happened because I don't make that bet because it scares me these people made like a $50 bet

had like a seven card bust which paid something crazy like 18 to 1 8 to 1 they got at 450 just off of that person busting they're high fiving buying drinks tipping people it's there's nothing more fun to me I don't know there was splurgeon at the table three drinks for everybody And in Vegas, it's, uh, Vegas is fun because the, uh, the dealers will help you a little bit. These dealers were a little bit more. There was a, almost, I had to leave. I left because there was almost a fight at the table. And not a fight, but the dealer just was kind of almost yelling at one of the, uh, people.

Like, he just wouldn't, it was an asshole. He said, uh, I wish the other deal was over here. And the, and the dealer just wouldn't. He was like, why are you saying that to me? I'm right here. And the kid just wasn't, he didn't expect to get talked back to. And I like,

I like that stuff too. It's very nice. I'm happy you like that stuff. You like going, jumping up and down and shit. Fuck you. You got to get yourself some big fucking black chick

to put those threes in your face while you're blackjack and you always leave that out, fuck-oh. I don't have that. I like high-firing. What the fuck are you talking about? Fuck, yeah, it's fun. You say I got to deal with it?

that is crazy he didn't say i like winning money because i'm in and out i fucking see that's a problem i'm not in the complete i don't want it to i hate when somebody recognized me and just just starts talking to the other than i'm like yo oh oh i see i haven't had that no one's no one's ever recognized me at a table that might get weird and then then just because i'm it's no they bothered at the south point i saw people bothering at the south point i mean they would say hi but saying hi is fine but if it just with money on the table i could see i would be weird but see my issue is I'll be up and then

I won't leave and I lose all my money that's everybody's issue that's not just yours and don't feel badly I fucking did what you did I got yelled that 1995 in the Mirage I had no idea what I was doing oh yeah they could angry

I got a couple bumps in me I walked up to that blackjack table just to start there was like a $10 table every year I worked for a guy that would take you to Vegas in February as part of your package. And I worked for a gambling service. So he was good friends with Fred Wynn, whatever the win, the guy that owns that.

And the guy would put us up in the mirage. And then we'd have dinner up on Wynn's office. It wasn't bad. You went for three days. He gave you an allowance, which I didn't gamble. Why is this in order to cook with it? You know, that's the only time I went to a strip club in Vegas.

I've not been in the strip clubs since 1995. Wow. Fourteen of us. That is disqual to us. My brother. I just didn't have use for it. That's discipline. I didn't have use for it.

I want to suck your pussy and suck your tithies and finger you. I don't want to sit down and throw the hours on you like a half a bag. Oh, no, no, no. I'm too old. Yeah, no, Miami, you could do that. Oh, yeah, Miami, they're disgusting animals. It's crazy. It's different how, like, other states are.

See, when I was younger, strip clubs, I'm not saying I want to put my penis in you. I'm going to grab your tities. I'm like, I got a couple of drinks in me. Show me that monkey. You know what I'm saying? Bend over. do something speak to me old toothless one something jack so i didn't want to i don't know i didn't really uh that was it in 95 for me that's this shalyn monk like discipline it was creepy

it was a ton of guys you know like there was just too many guys and the fucked up thing it was listen when you walk into a strip club as a man but did you want to the weekend no I went during the week and it was fucking packed. This is 1995. Yeah, 1995 with 14 guys from a sports betting office. You know, six of us were crazy. We had a package, maybe. I had weed in the room.

You know, you didn't have to do shit with them all day, but the guy knew I was a little crazy and I made him feel better if I tagged along with him. So I went to the strip club and I don't know. I used to go to a strip club when I was younger in Jersey, where chicks used to sit on a bottle. And then when I was a comedian, when I first started doing comedy,

I went to a strip club in Toronto. That wasn't bad. But besides that, they've never really tickled my fantasy. Like, I had to go down and have a good time. And that time in Vegas, I sat there for a little while, and I got a lap dance,

and nothing happened. They wouldn't even let me touch their tits or whatever. And I was like, one of my Sydney. I'm a grown fucking mass, you know? What was this hitting? This is one of those big clubs where you're supposed to go

and have a good time. And I know I'm wrapped a little too, tight. But it was funny because I sat at the table with a bunch of dudes and the girl was dancing. First of all, I never forget she had a white head on her ass and it kept driving me crazy. Like, how do you go to work with a white head on your ass? But that's not the issue here, right? We're sitting there

and something happened with a girl bent over and I made a noise. Like, nah, something like a Cuban would do, you know what I'm saying? And she fucking got insulted. Like, what did you know what I'm saying? Like, I didn't say nothing bad. I didn't. I still like, Jesus I said went like that and she came home and she's like that's not polite fuck okay so I was like what the fuck am I doing in here so I never really been to a strip club in Vegas nor do I want to go on top of that there was a bunch of dudes and half

of them were dressed up like they were going on a date like what the fuck is wrong with you like they were dressed up like that this is real this was real for them and I'm like I can't be in here dog I can't I can't do it so I just don't go Hey, listen, different strokes with different folks. If you look at me, you think I like dirty hookers and strip clubs? Not at all. I've never, at the comedy store, I've never been to Crazy Girls or the other one. I went outside Crazy Girls to buy Coke.

My Armenian deal used to meet me over there on Saturday nights, but I never went in Crazy Girls. Just not my cup of tea. Can you believe that, bro? I don't blame you all. I'm a horny dude. I got desires. We all got motherfucking desires. Where's Tony Bennett, G?

Saturday. Is that like? I want to be around. Pick up the pieces. When somebody breaks your heart, some somebody twice as smart as I'm a somebody who will swear to be true as you used to do with me who leave you to learn I want to give some shoutouts here to my man Justin Curlett

Jalal Salam James Edward Trules, sleeve choke, BJJ my man D in Colorado, Darva McGinnis, Devon Holmes Walter White and Ryan Slid. I don't know what the fuck. I love you cocksuckers. Thank you for being the bad motherfuckers and always supporting us here. What's going on, G, money? You plugging in phones, you sending Morse codes. What the fuck is going on here tonight? I got to ask you some questions here. Your children know what you do?

My children love what I do. They watch you fight. They love it. They watch my two-year-old watching them. The two-year-old. Yeah. He watches you. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. I'll be wild while the TV's playing. He goes nuts. He knows when it's me. And you put the videos on for him and everything? Yeah, they watch it live. They come watch your train?

Yeah. Fucking tremendous. Fucking tremendous. They know what I do. I couldn't imagine George Maldon. When I was watching that fight, I'm watching. And it's funny because, you know, I'm a fan of the sport, and I'm a fan of people.

It's till I meet you. Then it's a different game. If I meet a fighter and I kind of like it, him, now I don't want to see him fight no more. I get all guilty and shit. Like, I don't want to watch him fight, though. I'll check and see who won later on. I was thinking about that when you were found in Cowboy.

I'm like, I really don't want to see this shit, but I go, what is it? I do want to say this shit. And before I could think and turn it off, the fight was over. So it was quick and beautiful. Yeah, once I fall in love with something, I'm like, I really don't want to see him fight, though. Yeah. When there's somebody closest?

Yeah, it kind of bothers me. I get more nervous for my friends, my teammates, you're fighting. Me too. Me too. It's kind of weird. It's out of your hands, you know, so it's like, you know, it's different. Like I would go to Anderson Silver Fights, and so I started talking to him one day with Ed Suarez,

and I noticed how nice he was, then when I would see him, we chit-chat. And when I told Rogan, I don't want to go to him more, Henderson's sort of fight. It's like, why? I like him too much, dog. I like him too much. I don't want to see him fight.

He's a beast, man. Still doing what he's doing at this age? 42 years old. Is he 42? I think right, 42, 41? Let me check. I thought he was 39. He's been on top for so long.

Even before the UFC and, you know. If you had that situation, would you still fight? Well, he pulled this one out. Yeah. I don't know how many fights he's got left in the contract. Maybe two more. Maybe a couple more? He's 41.

He's turning 42 in April. I had so many wars, so many great fights. And he was on top of the war. world before the UFC was kicking ass in Shuto he's been he's one of the greatest I think in the sport he's the one that made me watch the UFC again like I watched the forest Griffin thing and that was great but when I saw Anderson Silver beat up 11 I that was it I was sold I was sold I became a real fan and I watched all his fights the precision yeah just the whole thing that fucking Vito Bell for a kick that Steven Segal showed him

What the fuck Steven Seagau? He stopped coming? He's in Russia Is he? I saw that he was like a Russian citizen now Yeah So he's the only one that left After Trump got elected

No I don't know I don't think he had nothing to do with that Okay I thought he was the only one that left No no I think If out of all the people who talk shit He's the only one that left You motherfucker should all be ashamed of yourself Yeah he was doing something

Steven Seagal He was all the fucking UFC's for a while He had like a big sponsorship in Russia. He became like a first dual citizenship, something. I read something and then I forgot it because I get punched in the head too much, but I saw something of that nature, you know? He's still making movies. I know I've got... If you look at his IMDB, he's made 100 movies that you never even heard of because he probably just does foreign distribution.

They don't even put him on. He makes so many movies. They don't even put them out. They matched them with everybody. DMX, BMX, J.J. McClan. They've hooked him up, Tom Arnold. They've had him with everybody except the fucking dead people. Like, they've hooked him up with everybody at this point.

I, I MD beat him about a year ago. He's made so many fucking movies. I don't think he's making any money. I think he probably had, like, a tax lien or something. He did something. He beat up Keller the Brock. He did something, that fucking dude. He has 55 actor credits and 49 producers.

your credits. Yeah. That means they give him the producer because they can't pay him and listen, Steve, you're not selling tickets. He's three movies that have been either announced, completed, or on pre-production. Four.

Hey, dog, he works a lot more than me. I ain't goofing on him. I'm just saying that after a while, like Dean Kane, those type of guys, nobody's watching movies for them no more. They still work all the time, but the only way they can really make money, what

Sagan do is say, okay, So it's a $100 a day movie. We're going to give you $200 a day. $250. That's the most we can give you for those. But we'll make your producer. If the movie makes any money, you get a little fucking back end. So that's smart.

Like I was doing those Dean K once. Those are a $100 day movies for fucking the Disney Channel, though. But after the first one, then they had a pay us. They were still 100 a day, but they would give us bonus money at the end of the shooting under the table. Like, that's an envelope nobody fucking saw. Tremendous. mission, no nothing. Nobody saw

nothing. Every year they gave you a raise. It was tremendous. They haven't called them two years, so I guess that's the end of my fucking dog saving career. You know what I'm saying? The dog saved America, the dog saved Christmas. The dog saved Easter. The dog that saved Christmas Day. It was an education doing those, bro,

to do six fucking movies like that with a fucking animal. You have no idea, dog. You have no idea what it is to shoot a fucking movie with an animal and what a mistake of it is to you're fucking doing it. And the dog game paying attention because it was a B movie. So they couldn't get smart animals. They got their stupid animals that they were just taking

like a gamble with. Like, let's see if Tiffie will work today. You know what I'm saying? It was like one of the producers. Oh, it was fucking terrible. If you watch those movies, you can hear like, we had, what's the chick that caused a bunch of trouble that sunk dick on tape Hilton?

Paris. She was the voice of Chihuahua one year. I mean, it was fucking god awful. But I tell you what, it was an education. They called me when they made me audition, I auditioned, I got to roll. The first movie we shot up here. And if you watch the movie, like the first few days,

it was like six days to shoot the movie, but you shot all day. The last day they did a scene where the dog attacks us and the chandelier falls on us. And it's me and Dean K. And then you get cut. And he's getting off on top of me

and all of something I fucking fart right in his face. It's on the fucking movie. If you watch the outtakes at the end. So they called me back for the second one. I'll tell you what. All those movies, it was an education, like I said, and I'm really proud that they use me, and I see them all the time.

They don't pay me no residuals. They're fucking thieves. A couple people took them to court already, because every once in a while I got a check, and I got a letter with it saying that, you know, these are back residuals. You got owed. Everybody sued the fucking company.

They don't want to pay residuals. What a fucked up career that is to be in Hollywood. They don't want to pay your fucking residuals. You know how many of snowballs I jumped off? The one movie we shot in Colorado. Brany many fucking times I fell in the snow Those were real falls I was my own stunt man

There was no stunt double I got out of the fucking day We think there's another me out there There's no fucking other me out there Fuck and I was my own stunt double For a hundred a day Then they called me like for the fourth one I just had knee surgery

I told him I said listen I'll do it But there ain't no jumping up buildings There ain't no crazy shit There ain't no running First day I get to this motherfucker's like You gotta run up the hill I go what I fucking tell you on the phone That ain't running up no fucking hills

you better put me on roller skates and pull me with your teeth, bitch. By the end of the movie, I torment him so much he just quit. He never directed one of those dog movies again. His name was Mike Fifey. He's like a born-again Christian. He got out of the movie business. He was terrible. He changed his life that bad that he got out of movies

and Born-again Christian? Oh, please. Well, he was always like a half a born-again Christian. He was always like a half a fad. But you retired him from the movie circle? You know what? I haven't seen him, but he hasn't directed those movies anymore. He hasn't directed those movies anymore. since that time i told them off on the way up the hill how much it you torture that guy that he quit his profession bell when you shoot those fucking movies they drive you crazy so i gotta drive

if i know that they're driving crazy i like oh no no no no no oh i love torturing people but he was torturing me this guy you know how you torture me by doing the same scene 10 times and it's perfect after the third scene nothing bothers me more than that and i'll tolerate it for a little while and i'll and play it and nothing bothers me more when somebody asks you if you could do something and you say no and then they ask you again nothing bothers me more than that nothing and people like doing that in the movie business you know what i'm saying in the longest yard there's a scene where we all jump in in the water you ever see the movie where we all jump in the fucking pond the mud right in the mud when we got to that morning bro there was smoke coming out of our fucking breath

And Nellie was like, I gotta sing this weekend, bitch. I got three motherfucking shows, and I get paid. I ain't fucking jumping in there. You know what, man? We fucking jumped in. What the fuck?

We got them to jump in. They asked us, do you want stunt, man? No, nobody used the stunt, man. And it was tremendous. We only had to do it. We did it in one take. One fucking thing we did it.

I like that shit. I know. That's it. We got it. You do these movies that are 100 a day, the director thinks he's fucking Felini.

You follow me? When you work with it, it's like we were talking about fighters the other day. You never hear about USC fighters get into brawes in the street because I could call Georgia a thousand things.

George is so secure in what he could do that he won't even say nothing back to me. I can say shit about his family. He'll walk away. I can say shit about his family. Georgia just walk away, you know,

because they're a fucking professional. But when you work with a high-level director, they're cool. Like I get that the Spider-Man two dude that how many times you think we shot that spider-man scene? Maybe once or twice move on They had a camera a camera D camera I got it It's somewhere in here. We got it. Let's move on

But when you shoot with a less experienced director for him to show you his balls That's what they do to you George They fuck with you a little bit because they're not that guy They're not Spielberg they're not that fucking guy trust me dog I've done 20s of those fucking movies and about 10 of them. I've had a pool of the director of signing a little, oh, don't even think about it. Don't even think about asking you ask that.

And you have to do that. If not, it's like anything else in your life. Don't just keep snowballing you. Well, it's not always true, but how many times did you have a new teacher, like a teacher who had just come out of college and they were hard ass? And then you had a teacher who'd been there for 30 years

and they were cool of shit. Yeah, same fucking instance. Yeah, that's it. And the guy that was a hard ass is getting shit grown at him. Right. He's getting fucked up thing. Bro, I went to a school called McKinley. Listen, in my jurisdiction in North Bergen, there was probably nine.

Now, Kennedy, McKinley, Franklin, Lincoln, Robert Fulton, Horace Mann. There was six grammar schools. Everybody knew Lincoln. If you were on the third floor, you were damaged goods. You know what I'm saying? Something was wrong with you. There was no medication in those days. They just put you on the third floor and they took their chances.

I'm sure you were really nice to the third floor. No, I didn't go to Lincoln. I didn't go to Lincoln. They put them on the third floor, and they hope they jump out of window. You know what I'm saying? That's what they put them on the third floor. They left the windows open. Those kids would be, look around.

You know what I'm saying? They were all fucked up. They would go to basketball games and chains. That's how fucked up Lincoln was, no. They would not go and change. Yes, they would. They were fucking savages when I was in the eighth and seventh grade. Huh?

But where I went to McKinley, that was fucking, uh, we were a little bit more not retarded. But we were a little just on top of that. They still had the pilot program. The pilot program was designed for Cuban kids who came over on the boat and they just couldn't bust out of the seventh grade. But if you were driving to the seventh grade, you signed up and they put you to the pilot program. I swear to God. George, I swear to God.

George, I swear to God. You're being the seventh grade with the same motherfucker. He was in the seventh grade two years ago. All of a sudden, you're in the seventh grade with him. You're like, what happened? because in those days, you come from Cuba, the second grade, and you picked up the English, but by the time the seventh grade came,

it was just fucking confused. It was too, bro, I'm not making this shit up. No, I was in special classes. They had the pilot program. Yeah, they had the pilot program. Yeah, they had the pilot program. The rule was if you had sideburns or if you drove your family to the school,

because if you were 17 in Spanish in those days, you already had a kid. You had a part-time job on a maqueta, cutting meat and shit. Those kids are crying. I mean, my, bro, when I was in the eighth grade, I went to school with a Cuban kid named Juan Ali, and he had already two chicks pregnant.

He had two babies in the eighth grade, and he was working for his father at a gas station. What grade was he supposed to be in? Like, he was supposed to be like 28. He had hair and fucking, he drove a truck for his family. But he was in the eighth grade. Juan Ali disappeared. There was one particular kid.

His name was Louis Zaldevar, and Russo. He was like one of those. Russian looking at Cubans they called them at Russo and they heard what the Allie dude yeah they heard what the Ali brothers Juan Alberto Ali Juan was solid but Alberta was a little bit retarded when they were like 13 12 they were going to these prostitution houses in New York with their uncle Cuban dude and whenever Juan would say you ever see those comedy teams on TV hey George what are you doing boss

I didn't know what was going on it was the same relationship with his brother we'd be in the seventh grade and they'd show up and they go what'd you do this we're I went to the movies. What'd you do? I went to the circus. What'd you do, Wann, Ali? Me and my brother went to this fucking house

over in the Bronx. They suck your dick for $10. They wash your dick in the bucket. He would just look at the retarded brother, and he'd go, see. That's all he would say. See?

They were taking this retarded kid into the city and get his dick sucked. Juan Ali, the worst thing was... Good for him, Juan and Alberto Ralee. Juan was the sharp. born a bed of his little fucking retarded.

He just followed the brother. He was like that brother did they charge more for him? And giggled, no, he didn't have the Chinese eye. He wasn't retarded looking. He was just two steps ahead of the gate. You know what I'm saying? Like, he barely, if he didn't follow his brother, he forget what school was. He was one of those

guys. But he wouldn't fucking get lost. So we lived right next to Dura test. Not me. I hung out of that neighborhood. But Dura test was where they made light bulbs. So every day after the school, we jump into a garbage can of Dura test, and we take the long light bulbs out and the short ones, and we beat each other up. George, you go home all white about it. So I got on the roof one there.

I took like a bucket of light bulbs, and I got a roof one there, and I just thought it throwing light bulbs off the roof. And I, there was a rock on the floor, and I just threw it up, not even thinking. I hit, and I look over. It's Alberta, the retarded one. He's on the floor, and he's like, oh, meo. I hit him in the head. had a lump, but they had him busted open.

It was just like one of those contusions that keeps growing, and you can see the pus at the end. We had to pick him up off the floor, and it was tremendous. Just want to make sure. He was like that before you hit him with the lightball, right? Oh, yeah, he was missing a couple fucking. All right, good. But I think he was in the pilot program.

Luis Al de Val was in the pilot program. Orlando Salcedo, another Cuban kid that throughout the whole class, he would just do this, one. He would just sit in the back and go, wow. That's it. Every 10 minutes, wow. The teacher would lift the head up and go, who was ever making the heavy breathing,

please knock it off. All these dudes got left back like eight times. And when they were in the seventh grade, pop, pilot program, gone up to the high school. And then they last a year because it was all. They couldn't have the order. Yes, it's tough, man. You can get weird.

Turn the mic around so I can hear you. That thing, that thing, one, two. Those are the old days. You got me all sent about them. All those characters you described, it's funny. The names you gave him, the acronyms, I think it's called, right? Is that the right word? It translates directly to my generation, like all the descriptions of the Russo.

I know he's between 5-3 and 6-2. He's a white guy. Light-haired, light-ey-ey-ey-eyed, like a Spanish dude, you know. So I know what type of character he also is Tremendo Perigero, you know. He was real Cuban. And there was a teacher we had, Mr. Brone, and Mr. Brone would raise his head up and go, Louis Zaldivar.

And he was so Cuban, and he'd get fucking man. Like that motherfucker saying my name wrong. And before he got into the pilot program, I saw him my own eyes. I was getting a peanut butter sandwich from the luncheon lady, Mrs. Sabatino. And I turned around, and he was talking to the principal,

Louis Zaldevar. And the principal told him to stop, to take him up to the office. I'll never forget this plan of his day. and he grabbed Louis Zalderba's arm and this guy pulled his arm off, turned around, and just fucking decked the principal. The principal didn't go down with his hair was all fucked up.

He was walking like as he rung his belt. The principal said, you're out of here, you're thrown out of here. He went up to his office and locked the fucking door. I never saw Louis Zalderberg again until Facebook like four years ago. But that class, we had a teacher when I was in the eighth grade. dog that was the roughest school like it wasn't rough as far as the characters like there was a kid charlie gizzy and whenever a plane would go by he would make believe he was shooting it down he would get on the he would get on the desk no ta da da da da da da da da like there was a couple kid david

in fact david bishop i heard one back after he graduated the eighth grade he went to college no he went to high school he went to the marines and he came back to mckinley to shoot one of the teachers that long dog we were some hardcore dude dog that that that that you knew that something wasn't going to work out for him. Yeah, we had people like Ray Connella who was solid. But one day we had this teacher that something happened. Bro, we were knocking out substitutes by the day. And I'm not talking about striking them or hitting.

Not at all. Nobody ever lifted a thing in those schools. We would torment them. Yeah, I was part of the group. We used to go to shop right behind my school and steal Hubbububber for lunch. We'd steal a six-pack, a hubbubber. You ever get hit in the head with Hubbubber?

What are you talking? Oh my God, we'd stick hubbubba in our mouth and chew it. While you were on fucking, in the backboard, adding figures, we'd all whip a piece of hubbub at your fucking head. One day a janitor was coming in with a ladder, and we threw a hubbub at him, and they hit him right in the face and almost knocked them over. And he kept saying,

somebody hit me with a bubble gum, and one guy goes, what flavor? We used to torment the people that came into that classroom. The day we fucked them up the most was. We were all in there one day, and the principal came in. And he's like, I don't even know what I'm doing this. He goes, I don't even know what I'm doing this.

He goes, there's some guy here that wants to talk to you. It's a, you know, you sell chocolate for kids or whatever. He wants to talk to you. I'm going to give him 10 minutes of your time. Please be courteous. We were animals in the eighth grade dog. And this guy came in. He's telling us about these diseases that hurt kids.

And you have to sell this chocolate. And it costs a million dollars to do the therapy and shit. And the problem with the kids is if they're, they get the disease, they could only walk three feet per every 10 minutes or something. And the guy goes, does anybody have any suggestions if you want to sell chocolate? And this dude, I'll never forget, his name is Richie Colombo. His hair cut. He basically was a poor Italian kid and his mother would just cut in between here and put water on his hair.

And by 9 o'clock, his hair would just pop up. Even the teacher asked him what, what did you call him your hair with? with a stick of dynamite because his hair, bro, was perfect down the middle. But I have to take away from the story. The teacher said, do you have any suggestions? And Richie Coloma goes, let me ask you a question.

So what you're telling me is they take three steps every 20 minutes. Did you ever think of giving them roller skates? So that was it. The dude looked at this, closed his briefcase, picked it up and walked right the fuck out of there. And he was on the way out of these like, I heard you people, fucking animals.

We were animals at that age, bro. We went to Philadelphia, and they made the mistake to take us to Philadelphia for the holidays for the Nutcracker Suite. We lasted 20 minutes. We took paper clips with rubber bands, and we started whipping them at the fucking players on the stage and somebody got hit.

That's it. Throw McKinley out. Oh, my God. Kill somebody. No, no, no, no, no, dog. We had a good time in that class. Cuban kids, some crazy Italians, a couple Jews. You guys wanted an out in field trips.

Standard. Like you got your class Field trips was an option for you guys No we weren't good at field trips Everywhere we went we caused damage Which is a good thing What are you talking about? Sebastian as a kid

He was part of the live The group that was having a blast Yeah You won't have a good time We got those barbecues and shit Hell yeah What's the next six months What's the next year? What do you want?

El titulo Unato Mutual 155, 175, 170 Where you want to be in? 170, 170 pounds. Beautiful. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

And you're in, you're in there in a good time and at a perfect opportunity. The world is in your fucking. You're like Tony Montana in 84, you know what I'm saying? Oh, man. The world is yours right now. It's all up to you, and there's no more fucking around. You know what I'm saying?

These are sharp decisions and shit. This is like a war now. You ever play that game as a kid battleship D-4? This is what this became. Battleship. This is why you played Battleship as a kid. You know what I'm saying? I love it.

I love what you did. I love what you've been doing. I've been a fan for a long fucking time. And it's great to see that it's all coming together. But it didn't come together overnight. You know what I'm saying? You earned everything. And now you're burping up a storm from that Thai food.

I wouldn't eat that shit if they served it at the White House. I'd run the fuck out of it. The Thai food in California and never pass it up. I didn't tell you. I used to go to that place when I first moved here. 20 years ago and get the pat-thigh shrimp in there. It was tolerable. I would take the peanuts.

I don't want peanuts on my fucking noodles. Oh, that's the best part. No, no, no. I like the sprouts. Oh, I take that part in the little way. I like the sprouts. I like the sprouts. I like the nuts.

I like the noodles. I'm going to eat the shrimp and shit. That place, that used to be my neighbor. You got the old school Cuban mentality. You like at a certain way, there's no change. I love the UFC fighter. And then you, like, you loved your time. food outside of the office oh no I can't tell her he knows how puk in here I'll

fucking puke I can't that shit ever and then I'll be on my nose for four days that's what kills me about all that type of food that sticks in my fucking nose you know McDonald's is great you ever gonna McDonald's bro you got a big Mac you ever smit's fucking great you ever eat McDonald's on a plane you ever smell McDonald's on a plane and ain't too fucking good my friend it ain't too fucking good that's what I'm saying that's all I'm saying if this was my house you could have brought it over but in this office to leave Thai food in here you fuck me up and I couldn't come in here for a week and have to peak this

for breeze to shit and it wouldn't even be tonight that he he he I could smell it through the door right now no you can't yes I can what do you smell some type of food I could smell it right now as we speak I'm not insulting nobody or nobody's food I'm just saying that there's a string of food I can't even fuck can't even be in the same room one of them being one of the most favorable Cuban foods there is you can't even be in the same room I don't want to be in the same fucking thing fucking if I sit at your table put the yucca on the other side for me please because you don't salt the shit out of me all the way down there

all the way down there you and he told me broccoli and I ordered broccoli next to you in Boston you didn't say anything because I couldn't fucking smell it good thing you told me once I smell it then I'm gonna say something can you please move the fucking broccoli I went to a concert one time at the LA Hollywood Bowl whatever the fuck the whole time I sat there with a headache I didn't know what it was bro it smelled like fucking something I looked down the chick out of box of fucking broccoli what I wanted to hit her in the head who goes to a concert he's fucking broccoli you know

I'm saying she was what I deal with this is what I fucking deal with this is my world my friend see that's who I can if you want to torture that person go ahead and do that the person who brings broccoli to a concert please there's no listen but you want you people once you bring broccoli to a concert that I there's no help for you you've passed a barrier reef I can't fucking help you it's no fun of torture you can't fucking help you it's a point in no return expose 87 you know what are you crazy fucking broccoli to a concert that's the world we live in today and people

matter me right ranch blue cheese nothing marijuana that's all you bring to a concept marijuana quailudes cocaine cocaine Sid, whatever you got, you bring to the kid, your mother's pain medication, you don't give a fuck. You don't want any snacks? No, I'll get snacks later after the fucking concert. Who takes me? You know, but they have these outdoor concerts. That's what I would say.

It was like disco, and I went over to the Hollywood Bowl, and people put their blankets down and shit. This wasn't the cheap seats. This was like the good seats. My wife worked at. But it was, the lady had broccoli. I could not fucking believe it. I could not believe it. That's Callie and my name.

go sneak in complete in co-eighth uh you know all types of stuff at the movies oh no

I don't mind food at the movies a good fucking uh oh please let's go Cuban sandwich at the movies but you gotta be

sitting with your homies because you can smell a Cuban sandwich too see I got I got fucked over the movies a couple weeks ago some guy had nachos next to me

and I used to be I used to have a craving for those movie theater nachos not and I have to sitting next to it for 45 minutes I don't how bad did they smell oh they smell

Terra. I'll tell you what else I can't smell. Popcorn. Popcorn drives me. My wife likes popcorn. Do you like popcorn? Do you mean popcorn or do you mean the butter or both? I like popcorn with butter, a little bit of salt and a lot of fucking pepper. You got like Spider-Man's sensors in your nose? Yeah. That's fucking nuts. After I stopped doing coke. You put pepper on popcorn? That's crazy. Oh, yeah. No, you don't.

Parmesan cheese, little pepper. Parmesan. Okay. Oh, my good. A little parmesan garlic, a little black pepper. That's like the most hipster thing you do. With a little fucking butter. You mix it in there fucking good. that's popcorn. Not that shit dry, like I'm in a fucking prison camp with no water.

I need two gallons. I got to get up eight times during the movie. Don't put butter on it. You better put put it fucking butter on that motherfucker. Well, I put it on your side. No, put on the whole fucking thing. Because I do it right. But for the lady, come here.

You, moron, what the fuck? Come here. You put a little bucket under there. You hit it with a little butter in the bottom. See, these fucking animals just put the popcorn on top. And then they hit it in the middle. It's going to burn through the bag. When you make lasagna, you put shit on the bottom, don't you?

Yeah, same thing. You put a little butter on the bottom. You dope up that bucket a little bit. Get the bucket ready for what's coming in there. Oh, you get the bucket, okay. Then you hit the popcorn three, four, five inches. Again, a little bit of fucking butter, a little bit of salt, a little bit of fucking pepper, a little bit of garlic parmesan, so you get it in that bottom level.

Okay, you want to do it right. Why is everybody got to be a fucking animal? This was not thought to me. This was not a video that I watched. Watch, this was not on fucking one of these cooking shows. This is something I figured out from sticking my hand down there and looking for shit. And now you've got an 18 fucking napkins. And guess what?

You got to get up anyway to go wash your hands unless you're a fucking filthy animal. How are you going to watch that movie with sticky fucking hands the rest of the movie? You get up and wash your hands? Oh, I bring extra napkins, right? Three napkins, yeah. Yeah, but that three napkins, look at you. You want to save trees. Get the fuck out of here.

Oh, three napkins. I'll bring 18-100 napkins. I got a fucking bucket. I put butter in that motherfucker. Then I put popcorn on top of that. Then I hit it with the garlic parmesan, a little pepper, a dash of salt. And I hit it again with that three, four more inches. Then I hit it with a little butter, a little salt again.

Then I dip it with two more inches. And then you, but before you add those two inches, you stick like a fucking straw in that, right from the county. And you mix it up good like one of yaku. You know what I'm saying? Dog, I'm telling you. This is how you do fucking popcorn. I remember going to the movies. How long did that take?

I'm just picturing the order, him placing the, order. No, no, because you got to stop me. Excuse me, ma'am. Can I talk to you for a second? You know me and you were Americans. We're going to do this as to it the right way as Americans. This is how Americans do popcorn. Hit an inch of butter in there. What are you saying? Hit the bucket with no fucking butter in there. I don't want no popcorn. Put an inch of butter in there. Now put the popcorn in three inches. Now stop what you're doing. Give me the popcorn. Chick, chick, kick. Hit it with some butter, please. Boom. Before you do this, you put a five on the counter.

I mean, I'm not a savage. You understand me? You put a five on the counter. See, but what are you going to do now? A lot of movie theaters, the butter is somewhere far away from what they give you the popcorn. Yeah. Do they? Well, they take a hike, bitch. I'm giving you a five.

You know what I'm saying? You get $10.50 an hour. I'm throwing another fin on you. I'm a gentleman. I wouldn't tell him to do the special unless before I hear you're saying that, I put the fin down. I go, listen, I'm going to go to a little project here. Here's a little five dollar.

I do it all the fucking time now because I don't want shit the way they give it to me anymore. You have a popcorn at home? A microphone at home? No, no, no, no. My wife buys the bags and shit. She's like, why have him pop movie night? Now I've got to sit there and smell this fucking popcorn for 20 minutes. I got to open up the back door.

I hate all those smells, bro. I put Tabasco sauce on the popcorn. What? That's not bad either. But not the basco sauce. I don't put any butter on my popcorn. No, I know you're done. Why would you do something like that?

Who needs butter? You might as dry like a prisoner of bed. Sometimes I'll eat cedocon popcorn. Oh, that's delicious. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's nice, too. I throw some Parmesan cheese on that bitch, too Parmesan cheese got no cap, no, no carbs.

You can put a jar of that shit in your popcorn. That's because it doesn't have carbs. It doesn't mean you have to eat it. But it adds flavor with a little bit of fucking pepper and a little bit of fucking butter. Come on, Lee. I don't know. Why be your fuck?

I'm the worst dud in the world. I even knew that. You want to eat non-buttered popcorn. Well, no, you're the one who always talks about tradition. Yeah, there's no tradition of non-buttered popcorn unless you're a prisoner and watching a movie on movie night. I can put a lot of popcorn. The only people don't eat popcorn.

Butter on popcorn. Who is convicts on fucking Friday night when you gotta watch PT209 with no butter on your popcorn. After three kernels, you're like, I can't take this no more. I'd rather do an extra year than eat this fucking dry fucking popcorn.

That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, but what about Parmesan cheese? No, Parmesan cheese, but you still got to have the butter in there. Right? When you make the tortellini, fuck-oh. You put butter in there. You also throw some Parmesan cheese in there

and some black pepper. That's the flavor. You got to dope up everything in this fucking world. You can't eat it like they give it to you. If not, you end up like the rest of these months. You got to take the time. It takes two minutes and a little bit of kindness to ask the girl at the movie theater.

Listen, can we do this a little fucking different? I'm going to teach you something. Wisdom. Wisdom. Two inches of butter, popcorn, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. You go in there, you got no problems. You're enjoying your movie. The raisinettes on fucking, and they're in the, what do you call?

When the pitch is in the back? Pitching, warming up. Previse. What is it? Freebies. No. No. No pen?

in the bullpen, warming up, right? When you're eating your popcorn, who's better than you? You got that buttery popcorn. You got some raisinette. Oh, the chocolate cover of the ones. Yeah. Only thing I'm going to show up with just raisins? What I'm like?

That guy who came with fucking broccoli to the concert? Yeah, that's who shows them with raisins with no flavoring. The same people who showed up to the concert with broccoli. But would you like some raisins? With broccoli? Were broccoli? Did they have a sauce for it, hot sauce, anything? Or was just raw broccoli?

These poor people, leave them along. Just raw broccoli. Raw broccoli. Raw broccoli and they... No, but they have ranch sauce. They have blue cheese. Listen. They had something.

The best nick of I had was poison to dip it in. That's their best bet. All right. It doesn't really matter they have blue cheese or rants. Who shows up with fucking broccoli? It's crazy. It's insane that you showed up with broccoli period, but I just want to see how much crazier they were

because if you show up with a sauce, okay, maybe it doesn't really make sense, but whatever. But if you show up with no sauce, you're a complete savage. You're just eating broccoli to survive. That's crazy. You know, any of these people that would show with broccoli, they're probably, uh, they're on a fucking certain diet to impress their friends. That's crazy.

That's crazy. That's what they, you know, they're on something, just broccoli. That's crazy. I don't have time for that manager. You know what I'm saying? If you're gonna get down, get down. You go to a concert to smoke dope and eat cheeseburgers, whatever the fuck they give you. I don't know what they do.

They have food at concerts anymore. I don't fucking know. I never went to a concert to eat. I was all met up doing drugs. I got no time to eat at a fucking con. a fucking constant anyway. I'm going to eat in a fucking constant and jump up and down and get nachos on my shirt. That's what I was wondering.

I was wondering if they had like vegetables for sale at the Hollywood Bowl or she brought them from home. She brought them in one of those rouse containers. Oh no. The ones that have everything in it, but sometimes you can just buy the broccoli. She just bought the broccoli. I've seen that. You've seen that and it's fucking huge. Oh my God. So she opened the tub and I'm like

what's that fucking odor? I've seen I've seen periscopes of girls doing that on planes. Like with like vegetables, they bring snacks for planes. You have no idea how bad food. If you really, you know, everybody walks around, make them believe they really fucking care.

If they make believe they really care, they care about that, no, you don't, because you wouldn't do certain shit. If you've ever smoked McDonald's on a plane, you never show. You know what, do me a favor, bro. Unless they sell that food on the plane that don't stink, don't bring your own fucking food.

When I fly out of Miami, I'd buy 20 Cuban sandwiches. I tell them not to cook them. I put them in my overnight compartment. Nobody even knows like a doctor. I put it right next to my sleep batting machine. A bag of fucking Cuban sandwiches. Now, if I was to cook them and put them on the plane,

then have to make a detour in the tour. Because the plane would stick like fucking garlic. So I would never do that. I would never do something like that in a fucking plane. But people don't give a fuck. They bring those nasty sandwiches on a plane and shit. McDonald's smells terrible on a plane. Curry smells terrible on a plane.

Like, I love currie. You can't do that. You can't do that. Strong Curry on a plane. Let me tell you something. If I'm on a plan, I eat a couple of edibles. And you sit next to me with Kerry. It's a problem.

It's a problem. I'm going to bring the buzz on, making flies and everything. I heard you on the phone talking about fucking your cousin, Khabib, you'll meet him at the airport. You sit straight to that? Oh, you sit next to me with hummus or that shit, I will down line. They sell hummus on the plane, though. I will be fucking Henry Hill. I will dial you to fuck out and tell him I just heard.

I smell cigarettes on you. I smell fucking, what's that shit? Uranium. I petapile juice, uranium. I smell uranium. I smell uranium. I make up story. You sure anymore?

I got no time for it. You got on a plane in my area with hummus. I'm going to report you to the authorities. You're going to find the air marshal? They gave me. A virgin gives you hummus. Yeah, American, I think. I don't think American ever gave me hummus.

I know Virgin gives me fucking hummus. What do you do? I just don't even open it. I tell it, take it off my plate, please. Because they give you a menu on Virgin. You know, say hummus. I'll tell us and forget the chips and the hummus. I don't want them.

No, I don't want them. And I suggest you don't have them. I look at the line next one. I suggest you don't have me either because I'm going to puke. Really? I can't take it. If you eat hummus, I'm going to puke after six fucking minutes. I just had a big breakfast.

They don't eat the fucking hummus. I tell people right next to me, right there. I don't give a fuck. You're not eating that shit. Don't even fucking think of it. about it. Man, fuck it. I love it.

That's crazy. Oh, my God. I don't like these motherfuckers that walk around with half cup of coffee either. Drink your fucking coffee and finish it. Let's go. On the way. These motherfuckers, they get on the plane with a half cup of coffee, then they fall asleep, and I'm just staring at the cup the whole time in suspense.

After you fall asleep next to me, I told the coffee cup out. Come here for a second. Take that coffee. I don't even touch the fingerprints. I hate dead coffee. Get that shit away from me altogether. Have you ever done that thing? Have you ever done a plane?

No, you have not. Coffee. I think I fucking hate coffee. I spilled it on me and I had like a three-hour delay. I stunk like fucking coffee and I was furious. I stained my fucking jeans. Oh, no, was it cold coffee? Yeah, they put it on the fucking thing.

Motherfucker. I hate coffee like that. I get my coffee. I drink it. By the way, thank you for teaching my family how to make you coffee. We've been drinking that shit a lot lately. I had to stop because of the sugar content. Too much sugar for the chocolate.

A lot of sugar on a daily basis. That's good for a little treat down there. That was strong. That was... I don't do dick to me. I could drink one of those right now. No, you can't. Yes, I can and be asleep in a half hour.

I will smoke a joint and eat a nicotine gum. I'll be another planet with that coffee, Jack. That's that Cuban coffee. Once that nicotine gum gets that cancer sugar, you're fucking flying, Jack. That's a cancer high right there. George Mazdavar. What are you fucking nuts or what? Look at you, rocking and rolling, looking good, looking healthy.

God bless you, brother. You're on your way. This is it. You worked hard for this all your life. It's so weird when the decision is right in front of you now. It's all up to you now. Yes, sir. What are you going to, what am I, Marine Sergeant or something like that?

Yes, sir. What do you think, Lisa? How are you doing, buddy? How's the Blue Apron diet? What's been going on over there? It's good, and I actually, actually, my dad's going to try it. He's pretty excited about it.

But it's been going great. I love, we just finished her last one. We did, uh, she, Paul made tacos the other night. Tacos, look at that. What flavor were they? Uh, they were just beef tacos. And they had a little radish, uh, salad on top. Uh, and then she made a little sweep, it was a little sweet potato, uh, mixture, uh, with fries and like a little bit of cheese, actually.

It was nice. Very nice, see? Yeah. You miss your wife's cooking? Oh, he reminds of her? Fuck you. You can't wait to get home? Can't wait to get home.

Overall, the Latin food I miss it very, very much, you know. Being in Colorado, I ate a lot of good clean food like broccoli and carrots, steak, potato, things like that on a daily basis. Now when I get back, I'm just going to eat the usual diet. How many times you've been to Colorado before this for training? Like three other times. What do you think of Colorado in your heart? Love it, love it. I love it. It's one of my favorite places in the country.

Do you feel different when you, how high up have you gone? What's the highest city you've been? You were in Vail? You weren't Vail? I was in Vail, skiing, yeah. And Breckenridge. Um, I did the highest peaks there in those mountains, so whatever it was, I don't remember the numbers, but it was pretty high, like 13, 12,000 people. Do you feel different when you're in those mountains?

Fuck yeah, man. It's a different feeling, isn't it? It's a different air. Even the cold feeling. was different. You know, like, clear-headed. It changed my life, bro.

When I went to Colorado, I was blown the fuck away. I thought New York City was this magical city. I was like, there's no magic in buildings, bro. You know, when you go to Colorado and you look around, and once you go away from Denver,

you know, man, I'm thinking about it. It's always open, you know. I'm already comfortable. I was there for 15 years. I'm comfortable. I can be there. The winter don't kill me there.

There ain't no fucking winter. They ain't no winter. When I lived in Aspen, I used to shovel snow other than Snowmast Village. I liked it. It's not that bad. I've had worse winters in fucking Jersey in New York City than I had in Colorado, bro.

There's no humidity in the snow. So it doesn't weigh dick. That East Coast snow they got last week, people were dying. That shit weighs 22 fucking pounds every school. Because it's moisture in there. As your mother, Lee, it was really fucking wet.

It's really wet that snow back there. Colorado, like I said to you, this week right now and next week, is when they do a bikini finals. And people ski in snowmast with a bikini on. And they have to do a loop-de-loop and land on a fucking pool.

Wow. Who skis with a fucking bikini on? It's because the low humidity in the water, I guess. And people got a tremendous suntan, as you noticed. Yeah. It's like going to fucking Hawaii,

ain't going to yeah I'm going next week to Tahoe I can't fucking wait man well we spoke on the last podcast that you were going to Denver a month early for a reason with your gink with your coaches do you think that had any effect how did you think that paid off no definitely paid off I went to Colorado Springs which is higher than Denver we I did I was there for about three weeks and then the last week of of the fight I went to Denver And what was your Cuban training consist of when you were in Colorado Springs? What was there, was there any breathing techniques?

Was there any breathing exercises? I got the book dropping in two weeks. You got the book dropping? I got the book dropping. If you get it online, it's cheaper, 10% off. Got the book dropping in two weeks, Barnes and Nobles, Walmart. What's the name of the book? I'm fucking with you.

Oh, okay. No, you never know. No, I'm joking, man. The Cubans just trained hard year round And that's what we did We didn't really do nothing different You know I just went there for a month

To get acclimated to the air So I mean That's as far as I could have They told me five weeks before So in about a week I organized my training camp Where I was going to be in everything And then I took out for For a month exactly to Colorado

And I saw you're running in the tapes and shit How is the running feel? Oh it sucked in the beginning How long will you go before you got to stop and get a little dizzy? Did you ever get dizzy up there? It's amazing. Yeah, it's a different game. The first two days it wasn't that bad.

I was like, I'm in pretty good shape. And I had been sleeping in an elevation 10 already for like a couple weeks because I thought I was going to fight in Mexico on November 5th. So I still had that 10 and I used it for about six weeks. So I thought, oh, maybe the tent did help. By the third, fourth, and fifth day, my body crashed like bad, like my first day back in training. It took me up to my 11th and 12 days. And then my body started coming back into it.

By day number 21 is that when my body was already like acclimated, you know. And it's crazy how that, uh, that chemistry that happens and your body happens. And it's, it's a science to it, you know? I had a friend that had a way, he was a bicycle guy. And this was way, this is 84. He wasn't doing anything. This was way before Lance Armstrong showing up with his bag of fucking goodies. But he would go up there.

Is New Zealand high? Is that a high altitude, New Zealand? Let me check. He lived in New Zealand. And then he'd come out to Aspen, and he'd get a job with his dude named Chip Chilson Masonry. And that would be his hot carrier for the summer. At the end of the summer, Chip gave you a bonus, and he gave you skis or something,

because he was a real, world-class skier. His trade was a Mason guy. So this guy used to be like a bicycle guy, and I thought he just rolled. He didn't want to ask questions. He had the helmet and shit, and he had the whole guy, the whole bicycle rider's gie with the tight pants and shit. Just so happened, this guy was a badass in that

sport. And I asked him how he got acclimated. He was talking about every week he would draw blood. Because that's basically what you're doing, right? You're just making more red blood cells or something. So to acclimate quicker and stronger, he would take blood out

so he would have to double his load, he said. And the force 14 to 20 days he said it was hard but after that it just kicked in double like he felt it and then two or three weeks after that he was where he was at you know there's just you know people experiment whatever the fuck they do no there's there's uh plenty of theories i think um from anywhere from three to six months is when you get the full benefits already depending on the person and i've read a lot of different studies the cubans believe that after like uh 21 days you're already good the american school from what I've heard they believe that at 21 days you start to get acclimated in up to six months you

get all the benefits of somebody that's that's been living there for like 10 years would you consider just doing a training camp yeah for now on for everybody eight weeks for sure I fell in lover Colorado I know they're upset in Denver but that's a beautiful state over there I love that I'm considering moving and everything just to hold my training camps over there eight weeks out 10 weeks out just because of the altitude get those benefits you know and you want to ski and I want to ski that's uh that's perfect

yeah training skiing I don't know how often I'll be skiing because I could get hurt but at least twice a week up for sure listen man I used to ski a lot and knock on wood I did three seasons of you know getting up

going to bed at 6 from snorting and getting up at 9 taking the shower drinking fucking orange juice and getting on those skis and I'll tell you what I got a knock on wood and tell you not a thing how did I was a wild man bro because I saw people I had a bunch of friends there from Mancato Minnesota these dudes with dead devils and every three weeks you'd see one of them in a fucking cast so when I'd see him up on the mountain wherever they told me to go I'd avoid those

motherfuckers I always stayed on the medium whatever the medium was I don't remember now it's been 20 years and I would do my three or four runs and once in a while I get cocky it's the people who would ski off whatever they call that backcountry back country and all those guys that's where you cause avalanches that's where all that shit goes down it's cute but it really happens that's where you cause all the avalanches so I always just kept to myself I took false I took falls and I'm telling you me and my roommate we we hit the bag in those days we used to lift weights and in the mornings we go fucking skiing and not one of us, no knee injuries, no nothing.

If you bend your legs right and stuff and keep your knees together and one stop and the plow stop and stuff, unless you start doing those jumps and when that tip gets caught, that's when your knees start going, bro. That's why even at that age of 21, I was in Johnny Surf.

In fact, there were times where you pick up some momentum, Jack. You're going a little faster than what you anticipated when you're skiing sometimes. After like two or three runs, you get your breathing up. Yeah. And you're flying down that hill, and you scare yourself. I used to scare myself and make myself slow down and go into the side and start all over again. Oh, I'd start cutting and weaving.

I don't know what the expressions are now. I'm sorry, people. But listen, I never got hurt like that. If you play the game right of skiing and go into medium range and just say to yourself, I'm doing four runs as part of my training. Yeah. I'm going to do four runs on the last one. to throw my skis in the fucking thing and go somewhere else

and run for an hour with that. And let's warm up the knees. Because you're like this, you're really fucking warming up. You're fucking going for it, Jack. Yeah. It's a great workout. You know, when you get to the bottom of the hill, you're sweating. Especially if there's powder.

Under that fucking thing, oh, yeah, if there's fresh powder. That sucks. I can't handle it. Yeah, I'm still learning. I bet for the people at home, they're listening, talking to me about skiing. I used to ski, the first time I ski, they put 185s on me, bro. It's probably completely different now.

Then I went up to 205s or some shit, and I was going out there everything, and I loved it. And then I realized, fuck skiing in the morning. The drug dealers would get up early and ski in those days. So I'd fucking shovel the snow, watch them leave, and then burglarize their house. By the time they got back for lunch, I already had an ounce of coke in my pocket.

They're up there, ha-ha, and fuck them. You got to be guarding the stash. If you're a coke dealer, you don't got time to ski. You know what I'm saying? Leave grandma at the house. Do something. Just don't leave the house fucking empty. And then go skiing after you, after you did that?

Well, this was before I left in 83. I was burglarized and all the drug deals because I knew I was leaving. So I would ski some days. Then I skied all of January and I left February 1st. Once I knew the cops were watching me, I said, fuck it, I just ski every day. What are you going to do, George Mazdivone? I see big things, my friend. You got to start yakking now, I'm calling these motherfuckers out

and tell them to suck your dick and call you shoddy. I'm saying. It's all over now. This is the new game now. This is the new game. They don't want to fight. You don't understand. They don't want to fight. My head doesn't want to fight. Magny all of a sudden got injured and I just can't get a fight right now. I won the top five guy and I want to get in there soon. You know, I want to get to notice. Nobody's stepping up, you know. Sit tight, my friend. I'm sitting tight. Shit's going to go down pretty soon. Something's going to happen.

Something's going to happen. Especially at the 170. Shit's going to get rocked up there pretty soon. Yeah. Or 155. Those two are going to be interesting to watch the next fucking year or two. What are you going to do? Lee, what are you got going on this week?

I got fucking Valentine's Day of Flappers. I got the Ice House with the Bugaloo Man, Rogan, and some crew. And Thursday, I'm doing the store with fucking Skylar Stone. And the next week I'm in Minneapolis. It's that simple. Very nice. the house of comedy from the 23rd or 24 to the 26. You know me, Doug.

What do you got going on, Tarzan? That's the grind right there, bro. What's that? You got a grind right there. But I space myself. You follow me? That's what doesn't kill me. If I went out every week, I wouldn't be the same human being.

That's rough right there. That's rough. So I spaced myself. I give everybody a little bit of attention. Everybody gets a little loving, the family, the wife, Lee, you know. When do I get loving? When do you get loving? Look at your eyeballs.

in the mirror cock's second if I don't love you look at your eyeballs what do you think gives you that loving those eyeballs that makes them red two nights a week uncle Joey why because I care for you absolutely right I could be giving your Susquehanna weed I give you your bad shit for your lungs you don't do that at all I could be giving you bogus fucking acid that's in Puerto Rican made in this basement no I give you this shit the kid's almost gonna blow up the basement with this kid shows up he's got three fingers he's done the work you understand me let me get the sheets of paper you're sitting there like boo to Joe I got

fucking uh did you eat that rice crispy to anybody that rice crispy is delicious and fucking nutritious and i got to tell you some vegan oh yeah yeah i don't have vegan gmo no this is real deal but i don't fuck around over there at uh whatever that company is i ate that 100 milligram thing that my wife left i played with mercy for a little while she said she wanted to watch my honor i said you got to watch in your room she goes okay you got to take them anyway she went And then I started scrolling through the channels, and there was a movie on Lifetime. I'll tell you about this. I don't think so.

About a girl that goes to Duke University, and she owes $6,000 a semester, so she becomes a porn actress. I heard about that girl in life. In real life, yeah, and then she went on CNN, and then she went on a radio station. The point is, I'll never watch nothing like that. It was that 100-millimeter fucking Rice Krispy Tree that made me sit there like an animal and watch that stupid lifetime fucking movie. So it's not a bad fucking edible that thing What Lee what? How long?

What movie is it? It was probably two hours That I would have killed myself Somewhere along the line Thank God I turned it off After the 15 minute She was cute She was really cute

And she was going on CNN They called her at school Some little Chinese kid That was a friend Came up to and asked her She was a porn star They did a pinky swear You know these fucking Chinese people

Around anybody He ratted this fucking Pull a little young girl out The college started throwing fucking bottles at her and she would walk by dormitories and they would throw boxes of garbage at her and then they wrote a school column paper and then she went on CNN to say she was justifying young women

then she won an award at the fucking porn awards and she went home the parents hated it's the same type of terrible stuff. But she didn't do drugs, she didn't become a dick sucker. She held on to her, you know what I'm saying? The point of the story is that's how hard I watched that stupid fucking movie for at least 20, 30 minutes. And I kept switching back to it.

That's what really fucking had me. You got conviction. You got conviction. Yeah, I was watching that and something else. I don't know what the fuck it was. But anyway, who gives a fuck? Well, Slee, you're going to sit there like Buddha Joe and not talk to me no more? No, I'm talking about you.

Cheech your mastis, everything. All right, little the eyeballs. They're on fucking fire tonight. Oh, my God. You don't even know what got you. If it was the transmission fluid or it was the fucking... I'm just having to have it. be that we ate all the little lunas

at Sunset Herbal. It made my day when I went there. And there was no lunars. None. We ate literally all of them. He had nothing for us tonight. He even looked at me and he goes, I got this and he goes, take some stars. That's going to get you. But tomorrow we pick up the shipment of stars. This is the one that kill fucking

Selya Cruz. You know what I'm saying? This is the shipment that kills Selly Cruz tomorrow. We'll get some brownies in this mile. I have some brownies in there right now. Tonight you go home, eat a brownie, put whipped cream on it, put in the nukeer. You get the THC alive and kick into that motherfucker tonight. Get room service to

bring you some ice cream. That's how you eat a THC brownie. Again, these motherfuckers don't know how to eat. They go to a weed store, they take one of those cold brownies and eat them. They taste like 10 dead dicks. That's not how you eat a brownie. You take that fucking brownie, you take it home, you nuke that thing for like 10

seconds, and then you get some ice cream and put it on top. And then naturally melts the ice cream, but the nuka helps it, and gives it a momentum. Then you put a little whipped cream on that motherfucker mixed with the thing with the brownie. It's a different game, though. You think you're a Dairy Queen, Lee. It's a warm

bun instead of a cold piece of shit. All due respect to everyone who makes edibles. It tastes like Derry Queen until you get down to the brownie, and it's just a hard, hot now. Just a hot, hard brownie. Not if you do it the right way. You take the fucking ice cream and you smear it around

the brownie then you mix it all up together you know what I'm saying you gotta dope up the brownie fucking Lee the thing you said I go you say I'll live through George Monsdavon I put the Cuban and everything you gotta do something you gotta mix the fucking thing everybody in L.A if you go to L.A if you go to Hollywood tonight and you're hungry at one o'clock they're gonna tell you're gonna go to fat sows fat sows makes a good sandwich but it's not my style they make a sandwich and they just throw ham fries or those skinny fucking fries on it and they close the sandwich and they give it to you I don't like that shit when I eat fucking french fries on a sandwich You got to cook whatever the fuck you cook me with those potatoes.

So the flavor goes into it. Then I'm the fucking thing. I'm pretty high today. I got to stop talking. Let me read our sponsors and I'll get you motherfuckers out of here. Lee, let me talk to you about something on the up and up here. What do you think of your distilled, D-S-T-L-D jeans and shirt? I love them.

They look great. They look. They're very, they're very, they have very, they have very high quality products that I don't have I have I have nothing I've never had anything as nice as these jeans the the raw denim I'm getting them shortened right now because I have short legs I'm very sorry but I'll bring them in next week and I also got a a polo shirt I have it I have to try it on it's a it's a beautiful shirt hope it fits and it it's uh the shipping was super fast the site's beautiful I it it looks uh I'm just excited to wear it.

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I want to thank Indochino. I want to thank D-S-T-L-D, Zeal, and I also want to thank my little brother, George Mazdivar, for coming on the show. Shit happens. You know, I love you, but I'm very proud of you. I'm very proud you came on tonight. And I'm very fucking excited to find out who your next victim is.

You know what I'm saying? That's how I roll. I'm so fucking punk, man. I can't wait. It's, uh, it's depression for me when I, don't have a fight. I get like anxious and stuff, you know. I got to have something to look forward to and my

eyes, everything is only on the belt. You know, I'm saying in tip-top shape. So whoever it is, it gets to call him ready for. God bless you, my brother. Lee, hit it, Cocksuckuckers. I'll see you guys Wednesday night. Don't forget about me. Stay black. I'll see you next weekend at the House of Comedy

at the Mall of America. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. One show Thursday, two Friday, two Saturday. See you, motherfuckers done. I love you. Have a great week. Give me a favorite. Come your favorite.

I'll open them to them. See you. It's hot.