The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #466 - Jim Florentine

Episode Date: March 23, 2017

jim Florentine, Comedian, actor and host of the "Comedy Metal Midgets" podcast and "Metal Midgets" on Siriuss XM Channel 38, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Zeel - Get the best massage of your life, in your home. Get $25 off of your first massage when you go to Zeel.com/church or use promo code church on the zeel app.    Legacybox.com - Get 40% off of your order at www.legacybpx.com/joey   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 03/22/2017.    

CBGBs with that fucking album when they first came out. Wow. I sell Coke there. They'll let you in. And then my third concert, Vinnie Lynch, gave me a hit of fucking window paint ass that. We drove to Philadelphia to see Fariner and the Stones. Oh.

And then I came back from basketball camp, and I ended up going to Long Island to see fucking bad company on the Desolation Angels tour. Oh, man. No, no, no. We were blessed very fucking early. But anyway, this podcast is brought to you by Onit for all your supplements. They got fucking tremendous steel bars and kettlebells and stuff.

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send someone right to your house. To help you get started, our listeners get $25 off their first massage by using promo code, Church at checkout. Oh, Jesus, fucking Christ. Jesus. Church of what's happened now, March 22nd, 2017, 2017. My little brother, Lee Syatt, and Mr. Jim, Florentine, motherfuckers. God, does that sound good.

Oh, my God. I haven't heard that side in a long time. That's another one I downloaded. And only Sato came up. You know what the Sato means? It was always ships across the ocean. You thought that's what the song was? I thought it was Sail away to Ozzy.

No, it's Sharon Arden. That was her maiden name. And Thelma Osborne, because Ozzy was married to Thelma at the time, his first wife. So they didn't need a title. So Sharon Arden, Thelma, Osborne. Fucking brilliant.

So we're sitting here talking about concerts in Jersey. Jim's from Jersey. I'm from Jersey. And we're talking about the first concert I went to see, which was Ted Nugent, Aerosmith, Frank Marino, Mahogany Rush, Poco, and it had to be the summer of 76? Summer of 76. I don't know when it was, but I know it was the Meadowland,

I mean, a giant stadium. Giant Stadium, right. And I walked out there. We left the house at 10 in the morning. I think the concert started at 12, because Ted Nugent got off maybe like at seven or eight. So is Arrowsmith headline that? No, it was Ted.

So they wouldn't play to 11 or something? I don't remember what had happened. I mean, I was very shocked by how bad Erosmith was that day. Yeah, well, that's when they were fucked up on drugs. It was just a horror show. Like, Poco, Frank Marino ripped that fucking guitar apart. I did not know who Frank Marino was. Like, I went to this concert knowing Aerosmith and Ted.

Yeah, that's all. I knew too. That's all I knew. So wait, did you say the concert started at noon? Well, this concert was a day concert. Oh, okay. I remember it being, I remember walking home and it was starting to turn. First of all, just that you can walk home from Giant Stadium, it's all highways, like, you know, major turnpike, Route 3, you know, Route 17.

I've never seen anyone walk. I lived in Jersey pretty much my whole life. I've never seen anyone walking on the side of the road. And you walked home. Twice. And you were you? How old were you? Twice.

One time I was 13, when I walked home from Ted, and another time I went, me and a buddy, my Mike Runny, went out there in a car, and lost everything. We were up, we drank, we ate the fucking clam chowder, the cookies, we were living like doctors, and we bet it all on the trifecta, and we lost every dime.

We didn't have a quarter of a fucking call on the payphone. We started walking, we walked to two hours. Cars doing 90 past us on the fucking turnpike. I did that walk. And then I used to load trucks and see caucus. I would take the bus down to Kennedy Boulevard and walk all the way to fucking Seacogas and load trucks. This is when I was, you know, just 17.

I loaded trucks, too, roadway. Roadway. Roadway on the docks, midnight to nine in the morning. Oh, my God. Picking up fucking Volkswagen things. But it was like 16 an hour. Yeah, I know. I think it was like 14 bucks an hour, 19 years old.

So we'd, you know, do two or three nights. And then we get off work and just go right to the bar and drink. so we put ourselves asleep. So at 9.30 in the morning, we're at the bar drinking Bud, Bud cans. What bars are open at 9.30 in the morning? All of them. Yeah. All of them. Absolutely. When I quit high school, when I quit high school, my mom had a bar before, like on 29th and Bergen

line, but her drinking spot was the last bar in New Jersey, and if you took the bus to the city, you have to go through Union City, and then it picks you up by the post office, and it takes you right down into Lincoln Tunnel. You pass that's gas station. Yeah. And you're right there, the basketball court, the Wee Hawk and Boulevard East. Okay.

I needed a job. And I needed a job off the books. I was collecting unemployment from a fuck. Because, yeah, this is, you know, in the 80s, this is what you did. And in those days, like, you could pick up a job off the books that paid your 6, 700 and collect four, 500 from unemployment and live like a fucking doctor.

So most people had the year scam. I love how Jim didn't even blink. Like, I was laughing. Jim's like, yeah, so what happened next? Absolutely. I know 10 guys that did that. Yeah, this is, this is, I know people that purposely got laid off in September. Like, they had a deal with the boss.

Like, just lay me, you know, pay me three bills a week on employment. I'll make it happen. I got a better job. It's off the books. Everybody worked off the books. Everybody collected on a check. It was fucking brilliant. So I went in there one there.

The guy's name was Teddy Martuniac. He had played for the Chicago Bulls. Like, fucking big time drunk. If you look him up, he recently died. I looked them up because I was going to call him and apologize. because I destroyed his world for like six months. But the first thing he said to me, he goes, I could hire you.

But there's one problem. I got one shift that is seven to three. He goes, but let me explain some to you. You can't be late. And I'm like, who the fuck drinks at seven? Like in my mind, who the fuck drinks at seven? So I would have Monday nights from five to two or five to three, and then Wednesdays, I'd have to go to Union City

and open the bar at 7, stayed at 0-3. First day, I was fucking late. What do I give a fuck? That he had you open the bar? At 7. 7 in the morning. When I got there, there was 30 fucking people that ready to kill me. Okay?

I never saw that before, Jack. I never saw that. How late were you, like, 20 minutes, 30 minutes? I was maybe 15 minutes late. I had to set the alarms up. I went inside. When I came out, they were all. all at the ball looking at me like they were going to kill me.

And they all would do two shots of whiskey or scotch or something strong. Would it be a back or a water back or no ice? These were real people. This was not, hi, happy Valentine. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. These are people that while they go to get the drink, they don't want you looking at them because the hand would shake as they were going to get the drink. And then they put it down and you give them another shot.

And they put that down, and they take a beer and fucking drink that and get on the bus to New York. That's the way their life is. This is just to keep them sane. This is just to get the party started, to get them on that bus. Two shots at 7 in the fucking morning. I never saw that before in my life. At 17, I was like, wow, I get it now. And they were all great tippers.

So you made 50 bucks by 7.30. A couple scraglers walked in. Same thing. Whiskey on. Let me get two. Boom. boom a beer out it was something that I had never seen

my mom drank she had friends to drink but I didn't know who the fuck went into a bar at 7 a.m. just to get the day started and just at just at your 17 years old and you're serving people in a bar this is crazy listen and then you would add up the tabs for the night and what you had to do was put them in a regular envelope and put them in the top shelf in the refrigerator okay So I went and bought the same envelopes And I would go in there at 4 o'clock in the morning

Like I would go into the city and snorkeke with my friend And go to like a rock concert or something On the way back I'd go take your time Because I got to stop at the bar and make a quick withdrawal My ATM machine I called it That was my first ATM machine And I would go over there in the middle of the night I'd rip open the envelope

Take 200 out, put the rest in and put the date on it And he would blame it on the girl before me Only the girl that before me I grew up with it So when they, like, a boyfriend came to me, he goes, you got to stop robbing that place. They're blaming them. My fucking girlfriend.

But yeah, I walked home from the metal ends. I still remember. Aerosmith broke my heart. Like, Aerosmith broke my heart. Yeah, they were a mess at that time. I mean, they broke up pretty close. Like, 77, I think they were broken up. Because I saw him at 78 at the found casino.

And it was just Tyler. And there was like the Joe Perry was out of the band. And I think maybe one other guy was out of the band. And I think maybe one other guy was out of the band at the time, and they were a complete mess. And then I saw him at the soap factory. Did you know that? I never went to the soap factory. And it was sad.

He got beat up. Stephen Tyler. There was no Perry. There was no Whitmore or whatever. He left and made. And who just reunited, right? Brad Whitford and. Derek, Derek St.

Home. Yeah, Derrick's a home. They just reunited after fucking 30 years. And I went to see him at the soap factory, which is down the block. from my favorite Chinese restaurant in the world. It's still there, Chans Dragging in. I'll be there next week eating. I always make a stop in there when I go to the city.

And I went to see him there, and they broke my heart. That was the end. I thought that they were done. And then I caught Joe Perry with Hart at Radio City Music Hall with Ralph Merman singing. They put a band together. It was a Joe Perry project. And they put an album out that was God awful.

Let the music do the talk. He put out two. Was it two? Mostly the first, what the music did the talking was way better than the second one. I checked out on it. I was like, I wasn't doing the solo stuff. I got done with mirrors. That was God awful.

Yeah. That was, I saw him on MTV. During the news thing, they go, you know, I got to believe it. Arrow Smith is back. They're rehearsing in the Boston high school gym or something. We'll give you more details. Like a couple months later, I saw this out. I'm Aaron Smith brand new done with mirrors, and they had let the music through the talking on there and something else.

It was God awful. I thought they were done. done. Boy, was I wrong. Oh, that's right, because they, um, they took that, let the title track. They took, let the music do to talk and run on done with mirrors. Yeah, done with mirrors. Just to fill her in and I was like, this is really fucking bad. I didn't like that. But then Jamie's got a gun, whatever, you know. Yeah, when they hit the 80s and they started doing a little more commercial stuff, they got their act together. They got, you know, that concert at the metal ends was the first time I ever smoked potter was 12 years old. You know, because at concerts back then, everyone would just pass a joint.

And you didn't, you know, you pass it to whoever it was. whoever was next, you just passed it along the line. It just joints keep coming. And I was so fucked up at 12. So I barely remember that concert. I remember when I got home, my mom, because my older brothers took me. They were like four or five years older. And when I got home, my eyes were all red.

I didn't have any vizine. I didn't think I was going to smoke. I had no idea. So I didn't have the bonaca or to vizine. That was always the shit to keep on you. Yeah. To get the red out of your eyes from the smoke. And she was freaking out.

Like, what happened to you? Yeah. The little skinny tube. Yeah, had that too. So I just noticed a lot of smoke And they were lighting fireworks off and all the stuff So that's why my eyes are red I was still fucked up

I was fucked up for like a day and a half After that over that pot But that was the first time I smoked at 12 Now I'm a heavy metal fan You know There's a lot of shit I like And all that shit I think is crazy So just none

None Uh Very innocently I would listen to your show And giggle And listen to the Ozzy stories And listen to to Norton's, you know, Ozzy's

Bone Yard, and I'm also a fan. I used to do a lot of gigs at night just to listen to Nikki Six. Yeah. I like Nikki at night. I like Nikki at night too, so.

And I don't like a lot, you know, even like Eddie Trunk. Eddie Trunk looks like a musical nerd to me, but I love him. When he's talking, I can't take my ears off. And if I'm driving and he's on, I love it. I listen to all that shit. And I still geek out, not as much as

like, I remember crying when I found out. Sabbath broke up. Absolutely. Same one. When I read that magazine, I fucking cried, okay? Like, the people have no idea. Like in my neighbor, they called me a spick. I didn't give a fuck.

Tell me Black Sabbath sucks, bitch, and we're gonna fucking throw down here. And see, we had a problem growing up until John Lennon got, see, once John Lennon got shot, that saved guys like me and you, because we lose every argument to the fucking Beatles. People in those days would go, yeah, Sabbath is good, but wait till the Beatles get back together. And you had nowhere to go. When the day John Lennon got shot, you're like, ah, they ain't getting back together. So Sabbath rules, bitch. Yeah.

No, it's true. And I wasn't a Beatles fan, so, you know. Still to this day? No, you know, I liked them, but I was more of a stone. Right. I took the stones over the Beatles. But my brother, whatever my brothers were into, they got me into it. Like, I would be in the back of their duster.

They had a Plymouth duster, and they fucking, you know, with a power amp or power booster. And I forget what the other thing was called cranking, Judas Priest, Ted Nugent, A.C. DC DC, Black Sabbath, even the first Cars record, the first Boston record. So that's what I grew up on. So they didn't play the Beatles. They played the Stones. I got the first two cars albums in here. I love it.

Fucking Carlsom phenomenal. Phenomenal. And the Candio, I got it on the iPod. It's great. Great. The first Boston masterpiece. All that, you know, like I said, I used to steal albums. So I would just take an album just to listen to it, you know, from Blue Oyster Cote, Summon, Chal.

I love all that shit. one thing I never did see it was black and blue tour I didn't see that either I didn't see that either it was a movie released yeah yeah there was a movie I saw Sabbath with Dio

like the third show they ever did the third show they ever did together down in Miami at the Miami Gardens arena or something like that when I was living down in Florida when I was in high school I saw a third show and Bill War was out of the band

and you didn't know then there was no internet so Vinniapacy was on drums it was the third show we had no idea Bill just left the tour he only did a couple dates and they come out.

I'm like, where the fuck is, that's not Bill Ward. I mean, I had no idea until I found out like the next month when Circus magazine came out that Bill Ward quit. I didn't even know Bill Ward quit. Yeah, he quit.

Yeah, he played on the Heaven and Hell record, but he only lasted a few dates. He was so fucked up because he was the one who had to fire Ozzy. Him and Ozzy grew up together. They were best friends. And he, you know, Gieser and Tony said, look, you go fire Ozzie.

He's a fuck up, get him out of the band. So Bill had to do that. And it killed Bill to do that. that was a long fucking time ago I remember that I remember like it was yes the same with me and I was so pissed

and they were starting the new bands and Ozzy was slinging mudded Sabbath Sabbath was doing it back heaven and hell came out I didn't want to like that record Me neither because I was like fuck Ronnie James Deo I don't give a shit

I don't want to like this but it was so good and it came out first before Blizzard of Oz so I'm like you know what I can't deny this this is good and then Blizzard of Oz came out like six months later

I'm like holy shit is this great I still remember getting the Blizzard of Oz EP. Yeah, Mr. Crowley. You said it all was that one song, Suicide Solution. You said it all, and there was something else on that. Well, you said it all was, then they never met the record.

They wrote that song basically like at the sound check. Now, what was on the EP then? It was suicide solution. It was Mr. Crowley. Mr. Crowley and you said it all were the three songs. That's it. Yeah. I still remember the cover.

I went on, I talked to Rudy about it, and that night I went on a couple websites. can't find it. They would do... EPs were popular than. Yeah, I have a copy of it. Missing Persons, had a EP. A couple bands were putting EPs out. Love missing birds. Which were four songs, right.

First album was an EP? Yeah, first album was an EP. So, you know, when I first, I went to that place in the village. Me and what happened was, I was working at this joint, and I went to mail letters, and a box of letters fell down, and one of them had checks on them for, like, 40 grand. So I went to, like, my little gangster buddies, and I said, can you cast this check?

They go, give us a couple days. They cast the checks. So they came back and gave me 20 grand. My mom had just died. I put it under my underwear sock, and I would just have it in 20s, and I would just pull 20s out at night to go out and snort Coke or buy mescal,

and I would go to East Trousbber State, and I would have a connection out there that made acid every week. These three little dirty kids just made every type of acid. So that was my business in high school, was that acid, and that fueled my concerts. That was it.

When we went to concerts, we took 20 hits of mesk, and we went into the fucking city, and that was all old but the shot. You can't. In my world, I can't replace those memories. No. Like, it's just, like, I still remember going to see August 4th, 1979. I went to see ACDC, Iowa to hell open up with Ted Nugent. I was at that show. At that show.

At the Madison Square Guard. I still remember being on the buses to Madison, on the trains, and people had ghetto blasted. with highway to hell on that fucking train and you knew where you were going and in those days even if you didn't have tickets you went down there because you had nothing to lose you don't know what was going to fucking happen the back door was going to open up

somebody was going to stub their way in then he died on my birthday I was doing ass with my buddies running around the winter North Bergen fucking sliding into home plate naked and then I got home and they said the singer February 19th that's my birthday and then they came right back with fucking back and black

And here I am at the Palladium, August 1, 1980. And who opened up for them? That was Def Leppard. Now we're talking. I'm back in black. I'm back in black. Def Leppin opened up for ACDC at the Palladium. Yeah, I was already...

I was living down in Florida at the time, so I saw... I don't know when I saw that tour, but I didn't see that. But I was at the ACDC. Ted Nugenton Scott brought Angus through the crowd on his shoulders. Yes. Angus played the salt. The spotlight was on him. were like, holy shit, they were in the middle of the crowd

going around that Angles was just playing and Bonn-Hadda. Fucking Ted New Jersey had Weekend Warriors. Yeah. Weekend Warriors, and I went to see that. Then my mom died, and like I said, they turned me on to this fucking motorcycle shit. And I took it home, the live album, and I'm listening to it. And when I heard fucking victim

of changes. Oh, unleashed in the east. My head almost blew up. And then I love diamonds and rust. As gay as it is. As gay as song is it's a cover I love it and then fucking sinner is brilliant on that album and I was like I'm going to see them and my mom died and I like I said I went over there by myself maybe 10 days later look at the date Judas priest deppelated it had to be like November 28 December for right around they even made a bootleg I bought the bootleg years later at uh

at the place in close to we used to live in we hawking on 48th street they got a music store 70 what 79 they have a music store on 48th in Bergenlein Avenue that sells imports and It's been there for years. The guy had a band called The Bangs. Oh, shit. The entire thing's on YouTube. Yeah, it probably is.

The entire show is on YouTube. Yeah, I lived on 55th in Bergen-Line for a little while. Oh, shit, by the sandwich, the Cuban sandwich place. Yeah, I lived there, and then I lived in, uh, and wehawk, and you told me one day. I lived in Weehawk and right, yeah, on Gregory Ave, right above the Lincoln Tunnel. had a little apartment there.

And then I lived in the Briarcliff in Cliffside Park. Did you? Yeah. I lived there for about 10 years. What years did you live in Cliffside Park? And me and Norton originally moved there because we were down in like Central Jersey in like Oldbridge area, North Brunswick, New Brunswick. And we moved up there in 95.

I just missed you guys. Like 95 to 2005. 93. I was there. Yeah, about 95. We moved up on, um, Riverview Place in Cliffside Park. We lived.

It's a little shitty place. But cool. $800 and it was three bedrooms. Well, it was two bedrooms and a big living room. So me and my girlfriend and Jim Norton split $800 a month. So we were paying like, what, $2.70 or something like that a month in rent. And then it went up to $900. So you're paying $300 a piece.

Now, what was it close to it? Anderson Avenue. What were you closed to? Right off of Gorge Road. It was right by the Briarcliff. It was right where the park is. What's the park there, right? I'm trying to figure out.

Gorge Road right there. Is it close to Rudy's? Like that clam bar there? That's why I always go on what Bergam line turns into. Gorge Road. Does it go all the way down to Edgewater? Yes. It's close to.

Yes. I know it. I know where it is now. Yeah, I was running there in 93. I was just starting comedy. I was driving a limo. I was living in Clipside. And I would shoot over at night and do stupid sets.

No clubs, then. Maybe the comic strip. Yeah, the comic strip was... New York Comedy Club with Michael Pichetti. I would know him. Yeah, Pichetti. Yeah. That's the only guy I knew that.

And stand-up New York was there in Dangerfields. I didn't do stand-up of Dangerfields at all. I was only there for like nine months. I went back to Boulder and just did comedy from there on to now. I went there in Seattle, L.A., and here I am. Yeah, well, you know, we need to be closer to New York City, me and Norton. We're like 45, 50 minutes away. We're trying to crack the clubs.

So I had a girlfriend that lived in West New York. She went to Memorial High School, which Rudy Sarzo went to. You believe that? She's an assistant vice principal there now. And she graduated from there. Now she's an assistant vice principal from that school. Cuban girl? No, she's from, not Costa Rica, Nicaragua.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I live with her up there. So, you know, she lived right there and I said, hey, we want to get closer to this city. Let's move in. And shit didn't work, you know. But yeah, Memorial High School, I talked to Rudy about the Rudy Sarzo, who went there too. When Rudy told me that, my head blew up.

It was unbelievable. Like, it was fucking, I almost died. Because I figured, listen, when you're Cuban, you're either from Miami or Union City. That's it. In those days, it was either Miami or Union City. Union City had been a haven for Cubans since the 50s, since the early 50s. That was the Cubans went in there And nobody even talked to them

They had that little It just kept building it And then it went from 7th Street To 48th was Cuban When I was growing up That's it Now it's everything else Yeah

That whole strip was from 7th to 48 That's all Cuban And that I forget that old building That big building right in West New York Where all the sports stars used to live The Galaxy The Galaxy I was a maintenance man

In the Galaxy Really? Because like all the Yankees The Yankees and the Nets and football. Ken Griffey lived there when I was there. A lot of the guys did. Yeah, I worked at the Galaxy in 84. And it had rats in the walls then. They had tons of complaints.

And then when I went back in 93, they built a movie theater there. Yeah. All those apartments had always been there when I was a kid. The Galaxy was, I still remember when the Galaxy went up. When I was a kid, one of the Giants died on that road. When we were kids, some giant flipped the truck, a big-time giant. We had to search and look for the next. On what road?

76 River Road. Oh, really? On the river road? Yeah. This truck flipped or some shit. That's a real, you know, that park there? Yeah, yeah. Hudson County Park is known for.

What? Martians landing there. Really? Like, listen, Doug. If you look up where the most Martian sightings are in the country, it's Hudson County, New Jersey, where the most fucking, all those things are seen. Did you know that?

No, I know. I used to play softball in that park. I don't remember that. There's an episode of Sopranos where he even tells him. He goes, yeah, why would I listen to you? Last week, you said you saw satellites in Hackensack and Sack because people in Northern New Jersey, there's more Martian activity in Northern New Jersey than there isn't Area 52. Did you know?

I can show it to you. I have no idea. Listen, bro, put on Martians' land in Hudson County Park. Till this day, there's a bunch of diehard people there that saw the satellite land. two little guys come out and they dug up the softball fee a little bit, they put the dirt in the bag and they flew right away. What park? Hudson County.

Hudson County. There we go. Yeah, Hudson County Park, UFO sightings. That's the word. There's more UFO sightings in northern New Jersey than anywhere else in the country. You know, when you think that it'd be in the middle of, you know, a field and a farm. Because they come back and forth from New York City to Jersey or something. People are those buildings.

This is the craziest thing you've ever heard. Somebody sent me the statistic one time. Hudson County, you see more Marsh UFOs in Hudson County or something than anywhere else in the country. So next time you think you're from the East Coast and you're real cool, look, want to see a UFO, try North Bergen. The Stonehenge, those people who live in the Stone Hedge, UFO is North Bergen. Click that.

Yeah, till this day. Never heard of this. Can you fucking... Things are easily explained. Yet when more than one person claims to see the same object at the same time, from different vantage points, the reports become harder to dismiss. Hudson County, New Jersey, the town of North Bergen, a middle-class suburb across the world for the university.

This explains the law, Joey. You know what I mean, that's island we're realists. Look at that. This is also a place where there have been persistent claims of alien and UFO sightings. George Obarsky owned a Manhattan liquor store and drove the same route back to his home in Northburg and New Jersey every night for decades. At 3 a.m. on the morning of January 12, 1975,

as he was driving through the local park, his radio reception suddenly became distorted. He related the subsequent events to UFO investigator Bud Hopkins, who recorded his story with a portable tape recorder. Well, I would say that that... thing was 30 feet off. It seemed to be, I would say, maybe six feet high. You know, like like a pancake.

Like a panps is. And the king landed right ahead of me. He described small figures who got out. He said they look like kids of snowsuits. And they were each one carrying a kind of a squareish receptacle and a long spoon-like I told you. They dug soil sample extremely quickly. This is crazy, and they have 48 people that see the same fucking thing in all the Stonehenge.

Really? The circle building, the grinder, they caught the Coke grinder. Because when we grew up every bit of sold coke in that building. Right. All the fucking people have signed affidavits. We looked out our window, and there they were, with little suits, and then they took off with the satellite. Shit. So when you have more time, if you're at home, and you have to look.

look it up. That's more landings than fucking north hot. And that little lake they showed? Yeah. Go back to that lake. That lake when I was a kid used to have an island in the middle. So we'd wait until January. The thing would freeze and we'd carry a keg across that fucking lake to the island. We'd call the

Island oven Saturday party. And we'd eat gorilla biscuits and smoke refing. And it'd be freezing. I mean, you could die. We could have died in there. Yeah, I used to jog around that. Yeah. I used to walk around there. Yeah. Guys, this was on the history channel. This isn't like a random YouTube. video that someone... No, no, no, I wouldn't blow smoke up. Nobody's. There's a thousand videos on there.

There's another one that they interview the people, and the people are saying, I was driving on River Road, and I saw the lights. And then there's another one there that talks about progressively how they keep seeing them in that area. They land in 9-16, Rockland County. Like, they land in Rockland County all the time. They have, like, a national airport in Rockland County marshes. Fucking crazy shit. that is that is not I never no one's ever told me that that's weird I was living up to that one everybody's embarrassed who the fucks are they'll tell you I see in the UFO

Joe is you punching him out I was living at the briarcliffe right over I could have seen it I was on the 27th floor like I know people who live in the grinder I have a friend who lives in the the Stone Hedge and he still says he saw the 9-11 he goes I was looking out my window talking to my mom and I saw the plane just I'm like that plane's flying fucking low and the next thing you could see everything from that But he's in the direction towards New York City, which is fucking interesting. But yeah, this is the real deal.

Fuck. Oh, shit. I would tell everybody if I saw aliens. Like, that's one of the weird ones. But it happened again maybe three years later, and that's the one that really fucked people up. That's the one that people are like, wait a second, something can't be right here because, you know, this happened three years earlier. and we got the same type of reports and they landed at the end of the baseball field.

Like, this is fucking crazy. I mean, listen, I'm not a conspiracy theorist. I really don't give a fuck who shot Kennedy. Right. I don't give a fuck because it's got nothing to do with the bottom line. I don't give a fuck. I got no time to break that stuff down, but this is real.

No, we grew up in a weird place. Jerry Roach gave me a book a couple years ago. That was going to bring for you tonight, and I couldn't find it about music and the 80s in our area, their first from 80 to 85. You know, I was very fortunate, just like you were, to grow up in that area. You know, I seen Pink Floyd the Wall for $15.50, bro. Come to me to ask me to go to a concert and pay $300.

I got to look at you twice. Wait, did you ever see Zeppelin? No. I was waiting to see Zeppelin. They had just done Nebworth. Everybody in my neighbor were waiting to see Zeppelin. They were maybe two weeks away from doing one of those WPLJ things where you sent a check or money order for $12.

four tickets, and then you got raffled back the tickets. That's how it was for yes. That's how it was for a lot of concerts in those days. I've explained it. There was no ticket-tron, cock suckers. You had to write a letter and put a check in there, like a money order, and keep the receipt in case that somebody stole your thing, and you would, let's say, Led Zeppelin was coming to town.

Me, Norton, Florentine, and Lee, we're going to go. Here's the deal we got. We're each going to buy four tickets on our own. If I get four tickets, I take my four, three buddies, You get four, but guess what? Sometimes we get four different tickets on four different nights. So you'd get to see a band four nights in a row because you went partners with three different people. Okay, yeah.

You know, we had that scam going. So you're going to mail it in, right, Jimmy, I promise. All right. You know, what was a ticket then? $9, $6? You know, I went home maybe two years ago in this girl, we went to a house and she was showing me all her stubs. She goes, I still have my stubs. I go, no, you fucking don't.

and she has to start all red stubs. I forget who she went to see, but she went to see the go-goes. I went to see the go-goes and a flock of seagulls. I wasn't professional. If you're going to be in New York City in those days you were in, I went to see The Who with the Clash. I went to all that shit.

Was I a big Who fan? No. Was I a big Clash fan? Not fucking really. But for $15 at Shea Stadium, what else am I going to do with my fucking time? I went to see Pat Betta. I went to see, you know, if I, James Brown, I went to see you too at the Palladium.

Did you ever go to wrestling at the garden? No. My dad used to take me there, so I used to go to wrestling too. No shit. Yeah, all the time. Yeah. You ever won Dora? Yeah.

Bob Callister. Bob Calliston, he raffled off a bicycle on Apollo racer with the fucking sit. You lose your mind. Every week you'd send it in. You'd be right there frozen by the TV. Yeah. When it wasn't you, you'd throw the TV out the window. Fuck you, Bob McAllister.

I was ready to show my bicycle to my buddies and shit. It's, you know, like people don't even believe these stories, like, growing up in New Jersey. Like, there's no way you could have done that stuff. It's like, no. When I hear a story, you tell, I'm like, no, he did that. No, I know guys that did that. It's great. You know, we're talking about Banaka.

On Saturdays we would go to Englishtown, New Jersey. Englishtown auction. But down the corner, there was a place that they had the Bonaca factory. It was like two hours, an hour from there. Did you know that? No. Just go and jump in the dumpster. And all the mistakes, we would take those tubes to school on Monday and someone for a quarter.

What do we give a fuck? People's eyes would be burning because they were all the ones that the chemicals were wrong. You know, I used to jump into Dura tests, fucking dumpston steal light bulbs. And then we'd have light bulb fights. I give you 10 of the law. Oh, the philosophy. Oh, the whole lesson ones. Oh, those things were great the way they broke.

Oh, my God. And you've got powder on you and shit. Who are you going to tell that to? It would kill most kids today. Can you imagine today? Oh, my God. You throw my experience. Oh, we told each other.

I never threw it like a spear. Yeah, you just wing, yeah. I would just hit people right in the back of the head. Bleed, they wouldn't hurt you. Now, you wouldn't even feel it. It's like the thickest glass in the world, but dust would come out of them like this white powder. And you know it was like some kind of asbestos or some shit.

Oh, yeah. We're all fucked. Today they would, if that powder hit a kid today, they'd have them in the ambulance within three minutes and one of these parents in this fucking neighbor. Did you guys ever have firecracker fights? We throw a firecrackers at each other, like packs. Fuck, yeah.

You know what I mean? Like you're, friend wasn't looking or a bottle rocket just shoot it right out of his head. Or you take the bottle rocket and break the stick and they call them nigger chases. And you let them up fire. They call them niggins. They even Chinese people. You go to China town and they go break them half.

Make them nigger chases. And you just look at these Chinese guys and say, no, you didn't just fucking say that. No, you didn't. It's amazing. There's people who, like, made it out of Jersey in the 70s and 80s and aren't and like our normal people. Like, just like, it's not like, I think, I don't think anyone. listening grew up like you guys grew up like there's some people but like that's crazy we used to buy these block buses it was a quarter stick of dynamite oh sure and and we just blow people's mailboxes

like we just put them in a mailbox and it would just be a stick there and you couldn't even find the rest of the mailbox it would rock the whole neighborhood like my i remember my sister was babysitting like nine streets away and she heard she thought there was an earthquake what movie was it where like they made new york uh prison they made the new york city of prison someone had to come and and escape from new york Escape from New York. It's how you guys were living and escaped from New York. Like a prison. You know how to go pitch this show.

I used to live in a rocket ship. In 1984, I lived in a rocket ship in Hudson County, no, in 88 Street Park. Like the rocket ship where kids play? Yeah. I lived on the third floor as my little penthouse suite. And I'd stay at the bar till three doing blown. People wouldn't have a party. They go, what do you want us to drop you off?

I'm going to drop me off in the corner of the park. I got a girlfriend over. girlfriend. I was just too embarrassed. To tell them that I would walk up that rocket ship, I'd finish off my coke, I'd jerk off in the rocket ship, and I'd fall asleep and little kids would wake me up the next morning. Mr. Mr. You're sleeping in the rocket ship.

It's just, uh, when I first got out of here, I mean, I put, I was from New Jersey on a resume once. And the fucking casting director called me back, and she goes, I think you should change it to New York. And I go, what are you talking about? I'm from Jersey. She goes, no, you should change it to New York, because New Jersey's just, you should change it to New York, because New Jersey's the disgusting place. Nobody looks at it that way. And I was like, fuck you. And she changed it. I made

a change it back. She put Hell's Kitchen and I go, you're going to fucking get me in a lot of trouble with my friends. If they see that shit. Yeah. And all of a sudden, the Soprano's and shit, now people love fucking New Jersey. No, it was like that. I remember me and Norton trying to break in New York City. Like, we were known as New Jersey comics, so we weren't funny. So, like they would, like, especially at the comic strip, Lucian, hold, you know, what was the booker there. You know, he was a good dude or whatever, you know, until I got in. But He's like, oh, you're from New Jersey. You can't be funny.

You know, and then you go to another club. Oh, these guys are from New Jersey. So they got to be hacks. They can't be funny because, you know, we didn't do monologue jokes like, you know, David Letterman and wear a bad sports jacket and fucking sneakers and jeans. You know, so it was always this stigma of New Jersey. Oh, they're from New Jersey. They can't be funny.

For a long time. Exactly until Sopranos, you've got no respect whatsoever. It was, it was just, I'll never forget that. And I was like, why wouldn't I put that down? I am so proud of everything I did growing up in Jersey. Every fucking story I learned is what I apply in my life today. What I learned on the streets in New Jersey is how I run my life today. Yeah.

And for some people, it's unauthorized. But I learned this from older guys. Like, I would watch older guys how they would conduct themselves or if they had a business. And I go, you know, one day when I got a bit, that's the way I'm going to do it. Like, I have a New Jersey mentality. And I'm very fucking proud of it. I don't give two Frenchmen's fuck. You know, Sunday I went to the airport

And I got there, my flight was at 8 I was in Baltimore And I had this game, I play at the airport Pick the L.A. fuck up. Pick the L.A. fuckhead, you know? Right. You could always know somebody who's going home to L.A. By the outfit they have on

And how cool they are, so I'm standing. And obviously, I got an upgrade, so I'm the first class. I'm the first guy in line. I'm the only guy in line. And then there's six people in the other section. And this dude just walks up in front of me.

And for 10 seconds, I was like, you know what, I'm a human being? Who gives a thought? But the Jersey side of me said he ain't cutting in front of me. And this is the black dude right here, the flight attendant dude that takes your license. You know, he was Mr. Hollywood. So when the guy says, you have a license registration, he didn't have it ready. Have your license fucking ready. Not him.

Right. He's got to go in his bag and drop his pouch. And I came in my license until I put my license. So I put my hand right over his fucking neck. And he goes, you're after me. And I go, no, I'm not. You're after me, dog. And he was like, that's like minor assault.

I don't give a fuck. You were just a tough guy now. And TSA came over, and then the cop came over. I was fucking crazy for no reason. Right. And he wasn't even in first class. He was just some L.A. douchebag that wanted to just... But my New Jersey side that morning said,

no, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck if I'm going to make the plane in three hours. Just my fucking jersey side is telling you, you're not, fucking doing this. Do you want to make a bet you're not going to fucking do this? I bet you you won't get on there before me. I will die fucking now. And that's, you know,

that's my new jersey. I love it. You know, I love all this craziness I was raised around, man. It was insane. I mean, I got thrown out of school after sixth grade. I was in a Catholic school and they came on. They just bought these wrestling mats. And, you know, they made the announcement in the morning. Like, we just got

these wrestling mats. We spent a lot of money on them. So please take care of them. So as soon as I heard that, I'm like, well, they've got to destroy them. So me and my friends, that later that in that gym class, we had like the last class of the day, we found some razor blades in the auditorium. We cut them up. We slid all the wrestling mats up.

And the next morning, they found them. And it was a big scandal in the school. And they narrowed it down to our class. And it was me and two other guys that they thought did it because we were to three dirt bags. Is it sixth grade? Sixth grade. Jesus.

So for the last two months, I was in the principal's office. every day the principal would smack me in the face, pull my hair, go, just admit it. Admit it, I go, I didn't do it. You're going to sit in here all day and just stare at the wall. I go, okay, fine. So for two months, I just stared at the wall. They put me in the class for like an hour, and then she'd come in, she'd pull me out by my hair. You're going to admit it. I didn't do anything.

Then they just drew me out. Where'd you go to high school at? Madison Central was in Oldbridge. I went there two years, then I moved to Florida for junior or senior year, so I lived down in Fort Lauderdale. And then did you go to high school with Jim Marshall? What's that? Did you go to high school with Norton also? No, no, I didn't know Norton until I started doing comedy.

Okay. In the early 90s is when I met him. I started running an open mic. It was at a strip club. It was a rock club and a strip club called a Playpen, Art Stocks Playpen. So I was the DJ there for the strippers during the day. And it was a strip club during the day and a rock club at night. So I was the DJ during the day.

And on Monday night, they had nothing. So I started running an open mic. And I'd have like one headliner come in and do, pay him like a hundred bucks, like a rich boss or somebody like that or a Bob Levy would come in. And then,

so I started hosting every week and Jim came down in all the local comics. That's why I met Jim. And then the strippers would stay for the show, which was fucking great. Like one stripper,

I was on stage. She was all drunk, you know, because they drink it all day. And then they stay for the show and the girl's like, I want to suck your dick. She's going,

and I go, no, you don't. She goes, no, I do. I'm like, no, you don't. I go, let's go out in the park lot right now. She goes, right now. I go, yeah. I go, someone here to take up the next five minutes

until the headliner gets here. So I know, somebody jumped on the stage. She blew me right in the park a lot. I came back in with my arms up like fucking Rocky. The place went nuts. You big shore guy growing up? You know, like Asbury Park. That's it.

No seaside park. A little seaside. Yeah, we'd go down there. No slide down the seaside at night. That fucking the wet slide they had. I almost killed myself on that time. I had that acid. We'd go down the seaside.

seaside a little. Would you go to see music down there? See, I never... There was a place right by us called the Birch Hill. Okay. It's a nightclub. I worked there. I was a DJ, a heavy metal DJ. And a lot of bands came through there. So, we'd always pretty much go there. We didn't have to go to... See, if we go down to seaside,

try to get laid, but we were all in the heavy metal, so we weren't getting laid. You know what I mean? We were in Judas pre-shirts, and we're going to a dance club. Like, we had had a shot. And that's... You know, speaking of Coke, that's... I'd never done Coke in my life. Never? Oh, you were just a drinker.

I was just a drinker because what we used to get, we used to, every Friday and Saturday night, we get fucking a bunch of beer and just drink until about 11 o'clock to get buzzed to go to the club to try to pick up girls. And, you know, we didn't want to get to too early and shit, whatever, so we get a nice bus, so we had to buy beers in there, which one guy would go in. They would stamp your hand with just a black stamp.

You know, nothing else on it. So one guy would pay 10 bucks to get in. I go, I forgot my, I got to shut my lights off. And I go back out and there'd be nine guys waiting. I just rub the stamp. on there so nine guys would come in for free. So one guy would pay every time. It was a piece of cake, yeah, I have to do that.

But at one point, my friend started getting to the Coke. So on a Friday night, we're hanging out drinking, ready to go to the club. Now they're doing Coke, and now they just want to sit and fucking talk for three hours. We're like, come on. And now they're all serious all of a sudden, so it's not fun. They're not fun anymore. I'm like, come on, this pussy at the

club, we're going to try to get some even though we weren't. And these guys are like, no, let's talk about the American Indians. We stole the land. This is bullshit. I'm like, so I never wanted to do And I was only made, I was cutting lawns, landscaping and shit like that. I was making like, you know, $200 a week. I wasn't going to blow it on Coke. Smart choice.

So I never did. I was around strippers were like, you better do coke or I'm not going to fuck. And I'm like, I'm not doing it. I don't need to do it. So, you know, I've been a million parties where strippers are doing it. And I had strippers doing coke off my dick. I'm like, I'm not going to do it, but you can do it off my dick. No problem.

Absolutely. I was a sure guy, like, from maybe the eighth grade. To Seaside? You graduate. You go to seaside. You go first, you go to the first one, and then you go to seaside, the one close to Ashbury Park.

There's one that's close. Sandy Hook. Lavalette. Lavalette. Yeah, there was Lavalette. Bradley Beach. Bradley Beach. You go to seaside,

then you go to LBI, Long Beach Island. And as you get older, you go to Manusquam. You start getting proved, and then you would go to Belmar, where Montego Bay was. And I would go down there.

I really wasn't a Guido and none of that shit. I like the shore the first couple of weeks. I like the water. I like getting a house for a week, but I couldn't do that. By the time my friend started getting house for the summers, I was gone already.

I left in 84. I was gone. Right. I was done. Yeah, and we didn't really do too much of that. You know, we'd kind of stay local and go to the local dance clubs or whatever. You ever go to the hole in the wall, the rock club?

No, that was up in North Jersey, don't know? Yeah, that was gone by the time. Now, we did like Birch Hill, found Casino Emmets in, was another one. And then we go to Lamores and Brooklyn for a heavy metal show. When I went there, I don't know what. Who to, I think I walked in and walked out a Twisted Sister. Why I saw Twisted Sister so many times?

I saw, I went to see him one time I saw the makeup. He came out. He goes, welcome to Twisted fucking Sister, man. Yeah. I went in there with this kid. We looked at each other. We're like the same for us and we walked out. I just watched that documentary.

It's great. Me and Dean came on here and bullshit it. about it and it was fucking tremendous but all those names i you know like i remember the moors i don't remember the birch one none of that stuff and behold on the wall the soap factory i went to see like i said aerosmith there sticky fingers yeah that was the stone's tribute band crystal ship was the doors correct i went to see them yeah i didn't like none of that shit like i would just leave i can't have people singing covers flipping their hair and girls are going crazy I couldn't do it, so I didn't really get into that.

I liked going into the city. Like, I liked going to see bands in the city. Yeah, we were a little further out. Our parents, like, I went to the Palatian to see ACDC and Def Leppard with Bonn Scott. That was when Howard Hell Must have just came out before they did it with Nugent. I remember, and me and my buddies bought, like, you know, A T-shirts, ACDC and Def Leppard shirts, because, you know, we'd save up for the shirts. But you saw it with Bond?

Yeah. Yeah, with Bond. No, I saw Bond with Ted Nughert. Yeah, I saw a bond twice, but I think it was, Def Leppard might open, it was maybe on through the night, and Howard Hell was just coming out or something, but I saw, but I remember afterwards, we got jumped. We were walking back to the train station from the Palladium,

back to the Penn Station, and we got jumped by three Puerto Ricans, and they stole all our ACDC shirts. Like, we were just talking, can you believe they were fucking, they played this, yeah, and all of a sudden this guy comes out and two guys, punch us in the head. We're like, what, we're 14 years old, and they just took all our shirts, and we're like, where the fuck you're going to wear them?

Back in the fucking hood, we were yelling at them as they were running away. We probably would have got stabbed. There was a bar right across from either the garden or a palladium where they would let us drink at like 12 years old. The palladium. The palladium. We were like 12 years old. We'd sit at a table and they would just let us have beers like pictures of beer. We wouldn't go to the bar because that was too risky.

And the waitress come over. And then sometimes we go to that place. Fuck, there was a place. Charlie, beef steak, Charlie. Right by the garden. Right by the garden. Absolutely. So we go drink before.

the concert. I used to go eat there and shit blood for three days. Yeah, well, we'd fucking eat and then we'd puke back in the fucking into the pictures of beer and Tulston with one of more pictures. Now, I still remember one fucking summer night. I went to see ACDC with Def Leopard at the palladium.

It was hot. I worked in the Lumbia and I got paid. I had to take a bus to Wehawk and to get Coke. So you were at the same show then? Yeah. And I was the guy's name I would bite coke from those names, his name was Jack Finn.

And he hung out in a bar and Wehawk. And that was the first person that would freak out of the... So you were doing Coke at what, 14? I started when I was 15. A month before my mother died, I did my first bump. But I got mixed in like, I was still an acid guy. I was still, like, Coke took a little while to really, you know...

So when did you take acid first time? Oh, eighth grade. Fuck yeah. Eighth grade. Eighth grade. Holy shit. Eighth grade, my mom always smoked. So it was around the house, but I didn't want to smoke.

I was an athlete. She smoked pot? Yeah, she smoked pot. But there was this dude lefty Cortina a couple years older than me. Real cool dude. His dad was a doctor. So he told him, come on, let's go into the city and buy weed. And he took me, I was really Catholic.

And he took me to the village to a church. We parked in front of the church. And I'm going on, why are we doing it from? We buy weed downstairs. I was like, no, you don't. You don't buy fucking weed in the church. We went downstairs. Sure enough, in the bingo.

There had three dudes on there selling weed. The priest took 10% from the action. Like, whatever they sold, I was like, I'm never going to church again. This is disgusting. I started smoking a little weed. Then it was micrododot acid that was popular, blah the acid. So I started doing that. And I was, you know, I liked that.

And then when I started snorting T.HC. Crystal, there was a bar in Union City that sold. $10, which is basically gorilla glue. It's fucking animal tranquilizer. They just mix it with a white powder and you can fucking see the devil. And then I did blow. My mom died. I still did acid for a while.

My mom died and what saved me was that, like, two weeks after she died, maybe three weeks after she died, Pink Floyd-Dewall ticket's on sale. So that kept me alive for a couple fucking weeks. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to see Pink Floyd, February 19th of the fucking Nassau Colise.

opening night, the whole fucking deal. Then I found that sad bit. And like I said, I still remember getting that money from the little mafia dudes and going into what was the album store in the village in those days that everybody went to?

I don't remember that. It was something. Bleakabobs. Leekabobo. Yeah. And I was just looking through a bin and I saw that EP and my fucking heart stopped. I bought that EP and I ran home, Ozzy Osbourne. I listened to it over and over.

And I don't know when that album came out, but I did have, we went to see him at the Palladium. Those April dates with Randy Rhodes, we all went. I think I went to the early show. Like Norton reminded me there was two shows. I think I went to the early show.

And then I went to see Ozzy again, and Didi Contaro, a friend of mine that's now in the hospital, but trying to kill himself. He ate 50 volumes, cut his wrist, woke up to the next minute, didn't die because the Valium slowed down his heart. So he filled up the tub with water and he jumped in and he went to throw a toaster in it,

but the fucking light wits... This could only happen to somebody from Jersey. He wasn't a friend of mine. In fact, Timmy Holloway, who's a dear friend of mine is one of your biggest fans. He took his son to see it. And we grew up with a guy, Reed, Bobby Reed, something,

and this guy jumped off a building in New Jersey, but he landed in the construction dumpster. you know how much abuse that guy took he landed a construction dumper but he was never the same he was never the same again he would throw punches in the air and he would get a check at the beginning of the month from the government for being

like a tart he would just give it to the bartender and the bartender would tell him when it was done only in jersey again only in fucking New Jersey can you give a bartender your social security check and your half a Momo check and he'll tell you what it's done So I feel like the 23rd, you'd see him lurking.

Like, come on, man, mind me a drink. Like, he was just a fucking nutcase. I remember being in the city buying Coke, like from the bar and see him in Harlem throwing punches. Breed, what are you doing over here? Give me a ride. Fuck you. We'd shoot over and leave him there.

And he'd have to walk back across the bridge. And the next day, we'd see him. He wouldn't know. Right. Oh, shit. You know how the bars in Jersey lock from the outside? I don't remember that, but. Okay, if you go to those old-time bars at night, they got windows in there.

So what bar owners do is they lock the bathroom door and they put a bolt outside. They also have a bolt inside, so if you're in there, I can't come in, but they have a bolt outside. One time you went into the bathroom, like a two in the afternoon is we're watching all my choosing at a bar. We locked them in there. We left them in there until by 8 o'clock at night. We just opened the bolt and waited at about 10 minutes later that Johnny Reed walks out like nothing happened. And I put my dick on the chair. There was a chair.

Right. I don't forget this. I was a young kid. I put my dick on this chair. I go, Julie Reed, look at the chair. He goes, wow. And he just turned out.

I don't know why I told you that. They're fucking crazy. Jersey is a fucking... I remember being 14 years old. There was a bar. It was a strip club. We walked to from our house. It was like two miles away.

We heard it was like crazy there. We were 14. We walk in. It's all nude. and we sat at a table because you don't want to sit next to the bar because then they were like, hey, get out of here, you guys are kids.

So we just sat at a table and this girl was putting a Heineken bottle up or snatch. At 14 years old, we're like, holy shit. Because we didn't, you know, my dad had Playboy, so once in a while you'd sneak in them. But other than that, we had nothing to even go by. You might see a tit in the movie at that age just as, you know, so we were in a bar and this girl sticking a fucking

Heineken bottle up or snatch. See, that was big in the early 80s in Jersey. Like, that shit, because there was a, bar by my house and I've told this story a thousand times the metal lands in her brother is still on facebook like the girl that was famous down there like we were growing up together that's on um tunnelie right tunnel yeah the metal ends in was owned by cops and if you went to 42nd street in those days which was the haven of sex they'd have a map how to get to the metal lands in because tina petreda was known for peeling bananas and putting them in a pussy like that on wednesday night was erotic banana night

So for two bucks, you got two frozen bananas. So when you got in there, you ordered a drink. They gave you a drink, and then you peeled a banana, and she would come over, put in her pussy, and you had to eat it. If you ate the banana, you got a free drink. Not a bad fucking deal. Not at all. How crazy is it?

And herpes. But here's the beauty of it. Oh, my God. I was 15. I was in there to Christmas. Like, I was living with a family, but who wants to go home after your mom's been in a hole for a month and a half? Yeah, sit with these people and make them uncomfortable. So I went to the mental end on Christmas Eve on the walk home.

And I'll never forget there was an old guy at the bar. Now the place is packed. Christmas Eve is packed. This was a filthy fucking strip club. He's sitting at the bar and the stage was in the middle. But they could reach with their foot and actually climb over. And they would just squat and you could eat their pussy at the fucking bar. And I never forget that.

She came over. He's eating her pussy. she stops him, she goes in his mouth, tastes his false teeth out, sticks him in her snatch, and then puts him back on his mouth. I was 15 years old, guys. Who the fuck do you say that most 15-year-olds

today were just faint right there if they saw an old guy's fucking, she would take the Heineken bottles, but her big trick was a Galliano bottle. Do you remember Galliano? They were three feet fucking tall. He would sit on the fucking thing and do squats.

This place is crazy. They finally closed it. It was owned by Kalliano. cops in North Bergen. You can't, you know, people don't understand this shit. That was, speaking of eating the pussy at the bar, there was a strip club in Newark

called Snappers on there, forget, and there was like, on one part, was a regular strip club, the other one was, anything goes, but you had to pay like 20 bucks to get in. Oh, no. And you have to sign in, like, you're going to put your real name. So my buddy behind me, I write Steve Mohn, because he's behind me, he's like, you motherfucker, and he has

to sign, and he's like, you fuck, he was my name, and it's fucking shady, but. So anyway, we go in there and it's the same thing. Like the girls are all naked, guys getting jerked off in the corner, she's blowing a guy over there. And my other buddy that was there, this girl comes over and she comes at a bar and she

puts her legs behind his bed and he just starts eating a pussy right at the bar. And there's two old men on both sides just fucking sitting there drinking their beer. Like nothing's happening. One guy got a hamburger and not even batting an eye. And he's just sitting down there just eating a pussy. And he's all like, can I get another beer? Can I get some

ketchup over here? Not even batting the fucking I. It was the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. So you paid 20 bucks to get in? Does that cover everything? Or is there other charges?

Or is it like open bar once you get in there? No, it was 20 to get in and then, no, then you had to pay for beers or whatever and you tip the dancers. But, you know, I don't know. He probably gave it like 20 bucks.

He ate a pussy for like five minutes. Jesus. Just sitting at the, sitting in his chair like nothing. As two old men were sitting on both sides of him, didn't even look over. Didn't say, can you do that somewhere else? There was a bar called the Cove on 69th Street between Kennedy Boulevard and Bergen-Line Avenue when I was growing up.

And this was like your last resort for women. Right, it was like you did. It was called the Cove. Like you're stranded on an island? It was probably another room like this. And the owner had a wig and he was tall and skinny, but the place was small. So he would always be bending over. And you had to go talk to him if you wanted to fuck one of the chicks or eat one of the chicks' pussies and shit.

And they had women in there that you would never... It's like Andrew's joke. Nobody ever thought of fucking that woman. They had six of them in that. One worst than the other. One missing an arm. There was a black one that my friend ate, and he couldn't take the stink of a pussy off his face.

And I wish I was trying to be funny. I wish I was trying to be funny. I went there with him one night. He came back. I just ate a pussy. We were like, what is that fucking smell? And it was on his face. All over him.

Like, 20 guys had eaten her pussy. pussy. What are you talking about? The hookers, like, laugh at you when they said, let me hear your butt. Lee, I wouldn't eat that pussy. But in those days, in 82, it was pre-rock Hudson. People were free. You'd let somebody snatch it. They walked up to you. No, the hookers. Well, you didn't know she was a hooker. She's a stripper. Big fucking difference.

No, there's not. Yes, there is. Oh, my God. They would let you eat that pussy for $3. Yeah, that's a hooker. No, that's like a, what do you call that? No disrespect to hookers. They're great, but. And that's a hooker. Then there was another one on Kennedy Boulevard.

Oh, my God. Once the Meadowlands in, shut in, and they tried to do it. But they were two out in the open. You can't do that shit too out in the open. You have to do that on Tunnelie Avenue in those hidden neighbors. You can't put that on Kennedy Boulevard because kids were leaving there. I got my big thucked. They closed it in three fucking months.

Yeah. Lincoln Tunnel Motel. Wait, they would not. Take girls there all the time. 25 bucks for three hours. Oh, my God. Lincoln Tunnel Motel was right, like on. Tonnelly almost.

Liberty is the higher one. You know, I went to school at that school. Right across New York Hotel. That was my grandma school dog. McKinley. McKinley. That's where the Ice Man killed the body and put him under the fucking bed.

They're right there. That right there. So it was the York and the Liberty was under me. And I just heard somebody saw somebody creepy, a friend of mine living at the Liberty Hotel. When you live at the Liberty Hotel, things ain't getting good any better for you. I never took a woman tomorrow's hotel.

I was living my parents at the time I was having a girl up there So you had to She was living with her parents So we'd just $25 bucks for three hours I used to take a girl To the one on tunnel

Yeah, I was 88 street out there I had a little girlfriend We really had nowhere to fuck And we would go there What is that? Would they even Clean the room If you rented it for three hours

You know, you just Yeah It's like when you went to a peep booth You just don't look down You don't know I mean? How many peeps moved? Did you go to the...

I was in her peep boots so much at one point. The girl, I pulled my pants and the girl goes, I know those balls. You know what I mean? Because I was in there so much. Now, which peep... Now, I used to go to the one.

There was a couple of them in 40 seconds. One of the names of Peepboots. I like all the names of the hooker places. There was one right on 42nd Street when I was growing up next to the movie theaters. Right in that same street. Whatever street that is. There was one right across

from the Port Authority. Right. that was with a life factory. Yeah, yeah. That was been there since time and memorial. Yeah. But in the middle, there were the ones where you went and people would have live sex in front of it. Like a fat chick and some dude who had AIDS before AIDS was invented.

And then there was one place where we went in the eighth grade. And he's a cop now in San Diego. The window opened up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you gave her dollars and $2 and you could suck a tits or finger them. and a pussy smelled my cigarettes. I'll never forget I fingered one of them. She was a black chick.

My fingers smelled so bad on the way home. Like, I was like 12 or 11 or 13. Not that it matters, but for the ones in New York's, was that legal? Or were they just do whatever they wanted? Listen, it was 1978. You did what you wanted. I thought that's an answer.

This was even show world is the one of the first. Show world, yes. No, I remember me and Jim Norton being in there and the window opened and there was a girl there. And it's weird because you can look, I was in one booth. He was in the next one. And you could see each other.

There was a mirror. There was a mirror. So I could see Jim's little head there. And I remember the girl backed up. He gave her some money. And Jim ate her ass. She poured it back. She goes, whoa, whoa.

You're a little frisky. Yeah, no one did that back then. I just saw Jim's tongue outside that little box. And he goes, whoa. And she just jumped. But we used to go into Pete Boots all the time. You had the live girls or whatever. Or you get on the phone with them.

You give them five bucks or ten bucks. with him. You had masturbation. No, I didn't get on the fucking phone with him. The window opened and I would stick my disgusting head in there and look at them fucking after a while. Like I was too embarrassed to jerk off in there. Like in those days, the door opened, the guy walked out, a guy went in there with a mop. With the mop, absolutely. With the mop cleaned up the jizz. And then you walked in there afterward, but they were a nasty savages. A lot of times they didn't even clean it up. Like the mop guy. And your feet would get stuck in their leave to hold sperm, like candle wax.

Oh, yeah. You would sometimes. You would step on sperm. Yeah, if you weren't that too long, you might as you might as well just untie your sneakers and just leave them. I remember going in there early in the morning. I used to sell cars on 12th Avenue on 57th Street. And everybody in the morning was... Thank God for the Internet now.

Everybody in the morning was a Hasidic Jew. The Hasid Jews loved the people. Yeah, they're perverts. If there's 12 boxes in a room, there's six Hussids and different things, and their eyeballs are huge, and you can see them like fucking jerking all. off under the menorah.

Whatever that cape they wear is. They bring the menorah with them? No, no, whatever the cape. They were like a little juke cape, like a superiors. And they jerk off under the cape. It's disgusting, though. It's disgusting. Oh, my God.

And they storm out of there with their jackets. Like, they fucking, you see them. They take that corner, and nobody sees them. They head right to that diving district. It's over. They do. I ain't lying. Where the fuck they're going to go?

But you always had a prepper. Like, we'd always go in with, like, a little trial-sized thing, a hand cream. No, you didn't. Some napkins. Yeah, and some napkins. I never went prepared because I never knew when I was going there. No, we knew we were making a trip.

Like we're going to a city, going to a Ranger game or going to a concert, we'd always hit show world first. So you bring a little trial-sized thing, a hand cream and some napkins. Because when you're done, there's no place to wipe or any of that stuff. You don't even want to touch a door. When I was 16 and going to like sell the games, there's a store called Condom World. And that's where we went to be like, who-hoo, there's a condoms. were being weird like

We're like, no, we didn't go to like peep shows. Did you guys ever go in like a taxi or taxi driver? Like the peep shows like the movies where people would just sit in the movie theaters and watch porns together? I did that once and it was weird because there was a gay guy next to me. There's only like five people in the theater. And this guy just kept looking over him. I was young.

So I don't know. I'm like, why is he keep looking over? And then all of a sudden that one point he was just like, I'm like, this is weird. And then all of a sudden I look over and he's, He's holding a $100 bill out like this, like to give it to me like, hey, I'm going to jerk me, you know, jerk me jerk me off or let me jerk you off. I don't know what was going on. I'm like, this is fucking bullshit. And I just got up and I left.

I got my car. I was freaked out. We all went to the same places. I went. There was a big Sunday night porno thing. And my buddies won't Sunday night. We got to go down there. It's fucking great.

I'd never gone to it. I didn't know what they were talking about. Somewhere in Jersey, 30 minutes from North Bergen, we drove. We walked in there. And I'm like, why am I here? And every time I went to the bathroom, this is the first time I learned that behavior. I saw it once in San Francisco when I got stuck there in 85. Every time I go to the bathroom would be the same guy in the fucking bathroom.

You know, this ain't right. And then I went and sat down and I saw what he was doing. He would stand by the edge of the bathroom. Every time a guy would come in, he would go in there and pee next to him. And then look at your dick, jerk off and go back in the corner, jerk off like a vampire. And then when he did this for hours. And then one time I was stuck in San Francisco, And I saw a guy doing that too, and he came up to me, and I finally go,

motherfucker, I'm on to you. You can't keep walking in here looking at people's dick, and they went to a different terminal. Who the fuck knows what happened. No, a lot of gay guys would cruise those peep boots because they figured, like, you know, straight guys were wounded. They're really horny, and they might just, you know, jerk them off or suck their dick in a booth. So they would, I always tell my friends, they go,

don't give anyone eye contact where you're going there. It's all business. Just look down, just, you know, because you smile at a guy who's going to think, you know, they would just cruise there. I remember one time me and Bob Levy did a gig, and he didn't want to go in. I go, I'm going to go jerk off. You know, they got live girls,

and they goes, I'm just going to wait in the car. We did a gig, like, right across the street at a rock club. So I left him in the car in the park a lot, and I was in there doing my thing, and some gay guy was, like, cruising the park lot, and Levy, they had no idea. So the guy pulls up next to Levy, and he's waving at him. Levy thought he was at the show across the street.

He's like, hey, how are you? Oh, you like the show good. Like, he's smiling. The guy's smiling back. He's like, oh, that's a fan. That's cool. He's, you know, hanging out here, too. Nice to meet you.

Levy's talking to the guy. And he's like, hey, you want to come in the truck? He's like, no, why? He goes, what do you mean? You don't want to come in the truck? He's like, no. And then Levy realized. And when I came out, it was like he saw a ghost.

He goes, you motherfucker just pull away. Pull away now. He had no idea what was going on. I'm like, yeah, that's going to happen. Oh, my God. Yeah, you got to be careful. I went to, as a kid, we would do TAC Crystal,

go to the city on a Saturday. We'd play three card Monty. And then we'd walk up all those streets on Broadway, and we'd let people. invited us in to their bars. You were kids and we let they, you want to see naked women and we go in there, yeah. And we'd sit on and they come over and sit on your lap.

Buy me a bottle of champagne and the bill would come $15. We ain't got $15. Why the fuck are you in here? Why the fuck did you let us in here? And we would do that 10 different places in the row. All of them, did you ever get to go to the 1040 club? No. I went to the 1040 club.

Biggest mistake in my life. What was the 1040 club? 1040 club was a hooker house in the city. 999 plus tax 1040 You know who talks about it Somebody called me when somebody emailed me and said your buddy talks about it He's been to it He was and it still exists in New York

They still have a 1040 club It's not $10 and $40 Who did the special on HBO The white dude that fucking Seinfeld directed Two, three years ago Papa? No Tough crowd

Colin Quinn Colin Colin Quinn Oh, he used to go down. Yeah, he talks about the 1040 club. I went one time. That was New York's disgust. And at that time, they had them all over New York.

When I was in the seventh grade, I went to school with the Ali brothers, two Cuban guys. One was retarded and the other one was really sharp. You couldn't believe it. One guy, it was like the guy that says, yeah, boss, like that. Right. But the older brother would say, yeah, boss,

to the younger brother. He was fucking. And they would come into school every Monday with stories that 60 of us would gather around them. They would go into the Bronx on Saturdays. They were 12. And they would go to a place. You paid 15 bucks.

They took you in the back. They washed your dick with bucket juice from under the bed like rocky spit water. No condom. You fucked them doggy style. They sucked your dick. You could do it around the world for an extra $5. That's where they lick your asshole and all that shit.

And they'd come home like two sons. That's what they did. You know how you and I would go buy albums on Saturday? Yeah. they would go get their dick sucked on Saturday when they were 12. And they were doing it for years all over the city. Like that was their thing on Saturdays. They both worked for their father.

But one Saturday came, they took their little 10, 15 bucks, $4 for cab or whatever it was for the bus, and they would just make journeys to Brooklyn and the Bronx. And they would tell me about these places. And I would sit there like, these guys are bullshit. When I went out with my buddies in that Burton. And we went to the 1040 club. The one guy was the best, Obrgan, Pablo Pedro Obrugan. It was his birthday, and his father had a candy company in the Bronx.

So they had those big white trucks. So this motherfucker would steal it every night and go out like, let's go see Sabbath. Right. All right, who's driving? I am. And all of a sudden you walk on, there's a fucking candy truck filled with candy. So he would sit on the floor of a fucking candy truck. This is real.

He'd take us into the city and he took me to the 1040 one time, the most disgusting thing I ever saw. You open up the room or you smell as men's cologne. You pay 1040. They give you a, like, a ticket and like a fucking waistband, like a little thing around your thing. You walk in, there's a bar. You could fucking drink.

And every, like, 30 minutes, they would open up the doors, a light would go off and they would push like 40 women out there. And you would, like, tackle them, and then bring them over and give them the ticket. But guys would try to steal the chicks from you. So you would pick out of 40. Yeah, but there was 40 chicks,

but only one of them was good luck. Right. to whoever want to have to have. And they were all human trafficking chicks. Like they were all from other countries. Half of them would be crying and shit. Only half? It was terrible.

It was embarrassing. Like I said, I was fingering little Catholic cheerleaders at Holy Rosary Academy. You know, I wasn't in this league. This was not my league as a young kid at all. Yeah. And here I was like 1918. I went over there and this chick took me in the back. I gave me the ticket.

You know, three people got one of them going to sit in a fucking can. Andy truck. I don't know how long they're going to take. So I said, I might as well go in. They treated me. I went back there. This chick took off of stockings. It was horrible. It was like she was... The smell or just...

Everything. The smell. You see that show yet on Drugs Inc. about that drug in Russia where you lose your body parts? No. Has anybody seen there's a drug in Russia where you fucking skinned after two years, you're done? You're done. You're done. That's what this lady looked like. She had like junkies sores. So already I was half petrified.

I had never fucked anybody before. I had eaten pussy and shit. And I don't know what she did. She put a condom on me. She washed my dick with the bucket juice. They have a little bucket. They fill it up. They wash your dick.

Then they put fucking a condom on you. And then they ask you what you want. You can have a half and half. So I said, give me a half and half. She sucked it a little bit. She got on top and he started bouncing. And in the middle of the bounce. She stops.

And she goes, for an extra $10, you can eat my pussy. Nope. I fucking flipped her off me. And I ran out of there. I never went back to any establishment. You didn't even come. No, I couldn't come. It wasn't even in my hemisphere.

I was petrified. This was a strange woman. Right. I was petrified, brother. Petrified. Till this day, I'm petrified. I go to a strip club. Joey Diaz gets lost.

I just sit and become silent. And if I do like it, like Juan and I start talking to her, I don't play games. I don't have time to play games. You want to dance and wiggle. I'm not here to see you dance and wiggle. I want your pussy deep in my fucking lung capacity. I want a finger and I want to get my dicks.

What's that going to call? We don't do that here. Okay. And I leave. I don't have time to fuck around. Not that I go to a strip club. I went this last Christmas. I said, I got to go to a strip club.

It's been fucking 10 years. I'm 50 years old. I don't go to, what is wrong with me? and I went to this one up here and I got a lap dance and everything the chick knew me from the podcast and she came right over what are you doing there I'll give you a lap dance that's great I was like but I've never been till this day

it creeps me the fuck I love your buddies in Texas how many times they come to them Addison Improv I would have you from Pantera yeah I don't go that strip club it scares the shit out I disappear many nights have been in there really yeah but nothing shady going on just drinking yeah just drinking no naked chick sucking dick No, no, nothing there.

There's a place around where I live where I treated one of my friends. My comic friend was staying in my house. A couple months ago, he opened for me when I filmed my special. And I said, look, I'm going to treat you. I'm going to take you to this place where anything goes. And he's still, to this day,

I negotiated a deal. He went in the back. And he's like, that place is a brothel. How is it still open? I'm like, I know the spots. Now he wants to come and fucking stay at my house all the time to bring me there. I'm like, once in a while to bring your own. It's great, 20 bucks. You bring your own liquor in.

Oh. So you sit there with a, you bring a case of beer in. And you go sit there and you give the girls a dollar and then if you want some extra action in the back room. Really? Yeah. But it's great. You could just sit there with your buddies and just drink beers. You don't have to do anything. But I knew that, you know, some shady shit goes on. I go, I would pick out a girl. He picked one out and I paid for it. He was fucking, he's like, just the greatest thing ever. I hear thousands of stories around.

here. I wouldn't even have the balls to go to one. They have thousands of shit going on up here. Yeah, that's not my scene. I don't want to... Yeah, I don't know. I've never paid for it before. No, no, no, no. I don't know nothing about. I get probably fucking have a nervous breakdown. I won't touch my back. You know, in New Jersey, if there was a bachelor party, it was always at a VFW hall. You rented out, whatever, and, you know, and just fucking hired dancers.

And I, I want a blowjob and a raffle. They raffled off a blowjob, one of the strippers. And I won the, I won the, I won the, you know, and I won the raffle. So that's the only time I really, I guess, paid. And she blew me in a stall. And she took her, she goes, you want my teeth in or out? I'm like, what do you mean? She goes, I got no car accident like six months ago. She was like 25 years old. She goes, and I got

false teeth. And I go, um, take them out. Yeah, okay. Thank you. So she put them on that little, like what a toilet paper is that little ledge. And she put the teeth there. And I had all my friends were watching over the stall. I were standing on the toilet, watching me get blown with the teeth on there.

This is terrible. That's New Jersey. I can't believe you're still a while, man, Jim. How many concerts do you go to a month? I still go to probably at least like 10 a year. Yeah, no. I'm going to go see UFO and Saxon or playing in New York City of BB Kings.

I was going to go. They were here this last week, but I can't go without Michael Schengen. Is it the original singer? Is it Phil Mug? Yeah, Phil Mug, yeah. No shit. They sound great.

I've seen them in Saxon. I've always been a Saxon fan, so I'm going to go see that. I just saw who. I was just at a show. I saw this band Whiskey Myers. I'm getting them more in like Southern Rock slash country. There's a great bank called BlackBerry Smoke. I'm wearing their shirt.

Sounds like Skinner from the set. They look like Skinner from the 70s. Another band Whiskey Myers. They got violins. They played a violin like fucking Jimmy Hendricks. It's amazing. Now, there's a band from Jersey that's doing that. My friend's sons in the band.

Oh, yeah? Hayes. And they played out here. Yeah, yeah. They're a little... I saw him at the Wonder Bar in Asbury Park. Osbury Parker's fucking, I don't know if you've been there recently. It's built up.

I heard it's really sure. It's amazing. What happened to the place we went to see Judas Priest at? It's still there, convention hall. No. That place was falling apart then. They could. It's grandfathered and it's a landmark so they couldn't knock it down.

Stone Pony's still there. What do you think of Southern? Were you Leonard Skinner? I love Leonard Skinner. From the beginning. Yeah. It was one more from the road. The live album was fucking phenomenal.

I didn't get, you know, Molly Hatchett a little, the Outlaws, not so much. The Alman Brothers I like, but Skinner was my band. Skinner, so me, I always ask people this question, and I just want to ask you, because I think it's one of the most interesting questions I've ever thought of, like, in my mind, this is the shit I smoked pot and live for. I always watch Leonard Skinner at Nebworth when they opened up for the Stones. And I always tell people they didn't get the memo that they were opening up for the stones in England. like nobody told them.

If you compare the Stone's performance, like the word was they just blew the stones off the stage. There's footage of that Stones concert. And it's the Stones and it's good stones. It's singing hot stuff and all that shit. But Skinner was so real at that concert that it just blew them off the stage. Then they came back here and they were on a tour with Nugent.

Yeah. Obviously when they died. And I always got to ask this question. They were playing at the garden. I had tickets. Yeah, everybody did. We all did. We all fucking had tickets. What are you crazy? We all did.

That was a sad fucking day. Got to ask you something. How would it turned out different if Leonard Skinner? Did you ever think of that? Would have lived. They were about to take over the world. What on the street was they were already switching them and Ted? Ted couldn't deal with him.

Ted couldn't deal with him. There's a footage on here that I put on last week. I don't even want to look. I watch it for two weeks straight every day. It's Skinner Live, 77. from the Oakland Coliseum. They didn't get the memo that day. They didn't care that there was 80,000 people in that stadium.

They were playing like they were in a barn. And I told people all the time they were imposing their will. It's not like they were playing in Nashville, brother. They were in Oakland, a city that's majority black. At this concert, it was all white, predominantly white. You have to see this. They're not rednecks. And these guys came out.

And they didn't, again, I love that staying. They didn't get the memo that they were in Oakland. to them they weren't fucking you know the fat guy with the belt buckle the three fucking attack guitar and that fucking bass and the drummer out there and the piano player I mean this was just something

that what would there would have been no cars I don't know what would have happened you have to assume what would have been different in music history yeah I think they would I mean the songs they were writing even even street survivors was a great record the last record they did I got it in here

it's no right and that got released after the plane crash. And then my buddy still had the one with the flames on. The flame. Yep. That was the original cover. They wanted to change. I remember my brother went to that show.

Ted Nugent never mentioned Leonard Skinner at all. Like he didn't even say at the garden like, hey, you know, Leonard Skinner, you know, let's have a moment of something. He didn't even mention it. You know, because Nugent's career was on the downhill there. Because the Weekend Warriors was an okay record. It was, you know, cat scratch fever.

Then double live gonzo was phenomenal. And then Weekend War. was okay, but then State of Shock was a bad record. And Wango Tango, that's when Uncle Joey packed up his album. Yeah, that was... And went home. There was just a point where... Right, so 78

he was starting to slip a little. And Skinner opened from him. I could see, Skinner easily, 77, blowing him off the stage. Blown him off the stage. The rumor was already out that he wasn't, he just didn't have it. I don't think St. Holmes. No, St. Holmes was still in the band. Well, yeah, he was in and out. I'm not sure

if he was in at that time. But he disobeyed songwriting just wasn't there after, you know, the weekend Warriors, you know, it's about five good songs on the record. I need you bet. That's it. That's the only song I like on that album. Good friends in a bottle of wine.

Good friends in a bottle of wine. But I always think about it. There wouldn't have been no cars. There would have been, I don't know when heavy metal would have hit. Like when it would have really. Well, the Skinner could have easily been as big as, maybe not as big as, they could have been legendary like Zeppelin.

Yes. That's how they. realm. No. Yeah, not the stones, but definitely Zeppelin. Definitely Zeppelin. Without a doubt, they were in their prime. I mean, you know, just that, I mean, that whole crazy story with the plane crash

and Aramis Pyle, like, you know, surviving the plane crash and walking like two miles in the snow. And the guy shot him. And the guy shot him. Two miles in the snow because they landed in like a cornfield. And in the middle of the night walking in the snow with like a broken leg or something like that and he finally gets to somebody's house and he knocks on the back door because he finally sees a house in the middle of the middle of the middle of the middle of.

of nowhere and the guy thinks the robber and shoots him in the shoulder. So not he just get off a plane crash, walk two miles in the fucking snow, he gets shot because the guy thinks he's robbing the house when he's knocking on the door looking for help. That's fucking insane. That's just, that's a bad night.

Yeah, no, no, no, that is a fucking bad night. You get a plane crash and then you get shot. Jesus, I'm obviously not saying Ted Nugent did it, but we love conspiracy theories. If they were really fucking up the music industry was there ever like a thing like

someone fucked with the plane or did something like that I'm not gonna fuck it off I'm just asking there's no conspiracy theories in fucking music all right this was Leonard Skinner what are you you better take two more fucking stars cock's second if I'm not mistaken that they didn't gas that didn't have enough gas in a plane that's what happened yeah ran out of gas ran out of gas but nobody tried to kill those motherfuckers nobody thought like that then we live in this fucking retard zone now

everybody thinks everything's a fucking happened for a reason and shit No, no. They just died one morning you woke up and they were dead. You know, I remember getting ready to fucking get Led Zeppelin tickets. And I'm at Mawf and Joe's. That was the name of this egg hut. I used to go. It was behind McGuire Chevrolet and WPLJ said John Bonham died.

And I'm like, fucking, I'm never going to get to see them. Never going to get to fucking see them. This is terrible. My dad knew somebody at Madison Square Garden. He had a connection in 76 to Led Zeppelin Presence tour. He got 10, 10-th row tickets

threw some guy at the garden and he gave them my brothers. My parents wouldn't let me go. They'd like you're too young. You're not going to their garden. So they had to divvy out the other eight two brothers. The other eight tickets to their friends.

To this day, there's people that are still pissed on my brothers that didn't pick them to go to that concert. Like they still give them shit. Because everybody wanted that ticket and we had 10 tickets. And they gave them out to eight people and they left like five or six dudes out

and there's still, my brother was telling me like two weeks ago, there's guys that are still fucking mad at me and I didn't give him that Zeppelin ticket. And they said it was the best show they've ever seen. 76 presents. Even the Nebworth, when he's doing Achilles' last stand, it's fucking amazing.

Dean Delray pointed out. He was he weighs 90 pounds from heroin. There's sweat, all you see his bones underneath. I was always a big Zeppelin fan. I loved that. I mean, I was a bigger Sabbath fan, but I love Zappler. I love Zappler. Presence is one of my favorite.

Me too. My favorite Zeppelin. No, T for two. That T for two, I put it on some times, and it just takes me to a place where you don't usually go. That's the devil. That's the pure devil. I love Achilles' last stand.

There's something else on there. There's like a candy store rock. Candy store rock's great. There's some great jams on there. I grew up on all that shit. That shit is just... Nobody's fault by mine. And, you know, that was...

Robert Plant lost his son, like... Yeah, yeah. A few months before and broke his leg. He got in a bad car accident. So he was doing that album, like in a wheelchair. He recorded that. album in a wheelchair and he lost his son from that rare disease

like his six-year-old son or his five-year-old son Yeah They always say You know the conspiracy theory is We'll watch this Like I said they always say That little Ed Zeppelin people That that was Carrick

The little man at the bottom of the mountain Well you know Jimmy Page brought Alastor Crowley's house And lived in Alistair Crowley's house It was a whole occult thing where they thought that, yeah, definitely that that band was jinks. When I saw this album, this album wasn't one of my favorite albums. I like a couple songs from this album.

But the reason why I bought this album is because I like to show people what they're getting jipped up today, what the other process of the creative thought was. You know, with Pink Floyd Animals and you got a poster. You know, Van Halen, Women and Children First. That's when I hated them. when that women and children first and I got the poster of him with the chains I couldn't do it that was it

I didn't come back to a fair warning that's how much that poster pissed me to fuck off why because it was him hanging on a chain with no shirt on trying to be sexy very homoerotic and I tell people all the time if you take a sponge and you wet the sponge and dry

and you smear it over this that it turns into different colors people don't know this and this was this album came out before Bonham died but this is Bonham's last night this is Bonham's what last night the glass is broken he smoked a bunch of joints

the pills were loose so you take this this is what I show people like it this is what we're missing creatively today when you wonder why they're redoing the fucking Matrix in 2017 okay you have to think about why because there's no creativity

left from A to Z When we were kids, and this was sacred to us, on a Saturday, and I'm not talking about Led Zeppelin this album, I'm talking about any album. On a Saturday, me and Steve Avillo would go on Bergen line, and he'd go get something, and I'd go get something. Then we'd bring it home, we'd roll it joint in it, if it was one of those connecting albums. You know, you still open up those albums, and you'll find seeds in there and shit like that. You always clean your pot on those albums.

But, you know, just to put this type of stuff out, you know, like you get a sponge, you know, and you just wet this down. Now you pay $26 for a DVD. Don't even tell you who's in the fucking movie in the fucking thing. They have no class, you know. They have created thought going into the album. See how it's all switched?

That's what they did. They wanted you to take the sponge. There's creative thought. Somebody fucking thought of this shit. This has all been eliminated. People wonder why what happened to the music business. What do you think of this resurgence that's going on? You love it.

Well, the vinyl? No, no. Well, the vinyl. the one thing, but just how the music industry had to go to all the old guys and go, guys, we need you back again. Yeah, well, because, you know, there was great songwriting back then, so

you're not getting it. You know, music is just disposable. Like, the young generation doesn't give a shit about music. They'll listen to a Drake song. They'll download a couple songs, but they're not passionate about music at all. So you're going back to, so nobody's writing really good songs. You know, maybe

Adele, you know, you know, shit like that, but there's not a lot of bands that are doing that. So everyone's going back to the old shit. You know what I mean? Even kids that have grown up on like, you know, their parents got on my classic rock, they're going to go see Bob Seeger. They're going to see Still Linerd-Skinnered.

You know, all these bands come around the stones. Everyone's bringing their kids' kiss. You have to show is, you know, guys bringing their kids to those shows. So, you know, that's the only music. And those bands are going to be gone. All of them are going to be gone within 10 years. Except for like U-2 and maybe Metallica,

you know, those bigger bands. Like the food fighters will be the three bands that could do stadiums. But other than that, the Iron Maidens, the Bob Seegers, the Rolling Stones, you know, Black Sabbath just retired. Ozzy's doing some stuff. He'll be gone. You know, Judas Priest, you know, Motorhead's gone, ACDCs he's going to be gone.

So all these bands and even the classic rock bands. Well, are they hinting that after Gundam Roses stops this tour? He's going to travel with ACDs. I mean, I've been hearing that basically on different venues on... Probably. There's no... Seriously, any of those heavy metal Yeah, probably.

I mean, I saw Axel do ACDC. He was amazing. I mean, the way he did, the Bond Scott stuff that he did, he sounded dead on. Are you a Bonn Scott guy or Brian Johnson? Well, yeah, I mean, Bon Scott, but you,

Brian was great. Brian, you know, filled the shoes. But I was still a, I'm still a Power Age guy. No, there was not one bad song that on any ACDC record with Bon Scott. Not one bad song. You can't name a bad song of Let There Be Rock, Poweridge, High Voltage, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, Highway to Hell.

If you want blood, you got it. There's not one. I love that. I can't believe I don't hear more. But what pisses me off is when I do hear ACDC, it's always Brian Johnson on the radio. That's why I only, when I play music on the podcast, I hit them with Highway to Hell. I hit them with Power Rage. They don't even know what the fuck Power Rage is.

A lot of people don't even know what Let That Be Rockers. you know, it's hard to believe. When we went to the Palladium to see ACDC that night, till this day, a friend of ours had a hat on. He threw it at Angus. Angus picked it up, put it on, took it off, and threw it back at my buddy. He still fucking talks about.

Wow. And Timmy, the guy that comes to your shows, he goes to all those shows. Like, me and Timmy grew up. Like, I came from a musical neighborhood. There was three or four, you know, it's North Bergen and it's 88th Street. So 88th Street Park with priest guys.

51st Street Park with Zeppelin guys, you know. But you'd see him at all that. When I'd get on a bus to go to the city when I was a kid, that'd be 30, we'd be 30, 40 deep from North Bergen. Yeah. We went to see the new barbarians when it was Stones with fucking Keith Richards. I'd never forget going to see that. And Rod Stewart's singing.

You know, I was very, like, I left to Colorado. But then I came back, and that was a summer of 84. And that was it in New York City Like I went to see Michael Jackson at the fucking With the brothers over at the Metalands He did nine nights And then Springsteen came in a week later

And did nine fucking nights Before yeah I was living back Guys it was music was fucking huge That was the summer of the pretenders Hugh Lewis and the News was out It was fucking mind-boggling Every week Rod Stewart was playing with Jeff Beck And Jeff Beck quit in mid-fucking tour

and factuation. It was just craziness. How many shows? I went to see Prince, Sheila E, and Nucleus for $15 fucking dollars. Where did you see that at? At the Rits or something crazy?

The rare. Holy shit. Jesus Christ. With Ozzy taped, I went to see the B-52's New Year's Eve, 1980, rock lobster shit at the fucking Ritz on a couple quailutes.

Tremendous. Till this day. Tremendous. I love the beef. And up till Love Shack. I love. loved them. The old shit was fucking party out of bounds. Jesus Christ. My favorite Idaho, the guitar,

whatever, my planet Idaho. Fucking, nah, gna, man, dangan, nah, nah, nah, nah, fucking tremendous. Enough to make you want to jump out of window. Let me give some shout out. You got a spot tonight? No. You're just hanging tonight? Yeah, just hanging, yeah. Sean Rowe, I love you. Matt Holmeyer.

You know, I love you, cocksucker. Brian Simmons, one-by-one podcast, my main Mikey Klein, Stoner M.TL. Andrew Nandau, my fucking henchman over there in Nyack in two weeks. Ross dude for the bag of weed last night and my main man talking layer holding shit motherfucking down in Vegas here. One of the concerts that we go to together that, we didn't know.

Well, Judas Freest Iron Maidenet at Convention Hall and Asbury Park. With Paul Dianos. Yeah, yeah. Now hold on one second. We got to backtrack because this is the main reason when I fell in love with you, the fucking chance. cherry bomb story. When I'm sitting in the car and I kept thinking that somebody kept going at concerts

when I was a kid. Now, one time Erasmith played and somebody actually threw not the smoke bomb, but a cherry bomb at them, and they pulled off the stage. Yeah, that was, I don't know where that was. The good rats or something, did you ever hear that something? It was a good rat. Were you a good rat? A little bit.

My buddy plays with Ogata all the time still. They still do little benefits and shit. I think it might have been an M-80 or a blockbuster. things, something got thrown and they pull or Journey, I didn't go see Journey, but I went to see the police at the Meadowlands. I went to see Pat Benatar at the Metallands.

I saw police and the Synchronicity tour. I saw I'm in JFK Stadium in Philly. No, by that time I was in Colorado and that's a great album. I have that in here. It's phenomenal. You have like, you're a metal dude, but you loved everything. I liked all of that stuff, yeah, because, you know,

well, the problem what would meddle early on in the 80s is, you couldn't get laid listening to it. I'm like 19, 20. I wanted a pussy. And, you know, wearing a Judas pre shirt to the party is not going to get me pussy. When I go, you know, you know,

I can't believe they put a point of entry. I hate that album. British deal was so much better. Nobody wanted to hear it. So I started getting into like New Wave, flock of seagulls, B-52s, because that's where the girls were going. So I'd go to the clubs.

It was like free drinks. It was a place called Mingles on Route 35 in South Amboy. Wednesday night. Wednesday night. Fuck, yeah, ladies' night. It was free drinks from 8 to 10. free drinks. You have no idea.

So it was like 10 bucks to get into a freezer. So at fucking 9.508? And no long long al-a-nice teas. 9-58, I go, can I get 22 tequila sunrises? They're like, how many? I go 22. For who? I go for me?

20. Yeah, so then you just pass them like, girls. I need a drink. You need a drink here. Oh, my God. I used to go to Chalalas in Jersey City. It was 60 cents for Alabama Slamma. Right.

and 30. So for 90 cents, you got Alabama Slamma and a fucking mug of beer. Right. And it was from 8 to 10 to 10.01. It would be fucking bone dry. Yeah. It would be, Lee, they would make all their money from 8th.

I mean, Lee, 10.01. You guys have probably fucked one of the same girls. Bone dry. Like, you have to, like, go through all your history one of these days. A free drink from 8 to 10. Think about that. And it was like 10 bucks to get in. They put them in those little, like, plastic.

cups, but still. So you would just get, you know, vodka, tonic, vodka, whatever, but I remember Tequila Sunrise is the thing I drank. They were like yellow in the middle with a little red on top. Yeah, they go to a little grenadine. Fuck yeah, I drank. With the cherry. I drank. So whenever you puke.

I was doing blows. I didn't give a fuck. I know. So when you puke, you know, we see the cherries in the puke. How, was it hard to get a drink? Was it mobbed? Not really. Because we tipped the guy at 20, so he knew we had to go to first. So my thing was Tuesdays was Shalely's.

Wednesday was this place on Tunley Avenue, the Dome or something, and chicks got 50-cent drinks, so you just gave a chick of $2 and said, get me two drinks, keep the chain. And then Thursday was something else. And then Saturdays, it was a happy hour, Nyack, New York. That's how deep our Jimmy ran. We used to go up to the Cuckoo's Nest in Nyack, New York. But there used to be a bar up deal.

Let me tell you about something. An interesting story. I just told somebody that there's a good. girl that, a woman that has a child, and we both go to daycare, she grew up in that area. And she goes, there used to be a bar up in northern New York when we were kids that all the big bands would stop up there before they played the garden. Or before they go on tour, they'd do three-night tours. And they would, like, the Stones were notorious for it.

Yeah. Stones would call themselves the Huckleberries. Right, and do a little. And do a $2 show, and you didn't know it was the fucking stones. So you got down and you were like, Jesus, fucking Christ. But there was a bar up there that she said. said she went up there one time and she saw like

fucking deep purple up there like deep purple and it was funny because Joe Lynn Turner is a big Jersey guy like a Joe Linguido's his name in real life or whatever he's supposed even Cliffside Park

where's he from? Yeah he's somewhere around North Jersey right now do you still see him at all? He was on our show I haven't seen him in a long time but he's uh you know yeah he's a jersey guy full blown jersey You know that that's a wig Yeah, I've heard stories.

He has a disease that the hair falls out. Celebrities with wings, I'm telling you. No, he had a thing that when he was singing Stone Cold and all that, he's got that disease where your hair falls out. Oh, really? Yeah, because he was in a band called Fandango before that. Fandango, yeah. And my buddy was like the guitar player or something.

He was fucking my friend's mother. So he gave me all the news on. And then one night there was a bowling alley up in Englewood. And Rainbow did a benefit up there, like Bowling. And I went up there And not Richie Blackmore He's too much of a prick to show up anywhere In those days

It was like Joel Turner The dude with the little John Lennon glasses That plays the bass Roger Glover I think was in the band at the time Yeah And somebody else It was like a weird little combination

I still remember that shit But they used to go up there So for some reason I thought that they lived up there somewhere Is Dio really from Jersey? No, Dio grew up in near Rochester Binghamton

But he lived in Jersey when he died No, he was living out here Oh, was he? Yeah Okay Yeah, he was living in L.A., yeah. Fucking interesting That we lived in that

We were going to the same shows This is a ton of shows I forgot No, I don't know if you got You guys probably didn't do this shit Like we got to a bar And we wouldn't even pay for drinks We would just take them off the bar

Like if someone looked the other way We just steal their beer Even if it was half full And just drink it Oh yeah, all the time Like I remember a girl I go, you want me to get your drinks? She goes, yeah, and I go out, I'll be right back, and I had a steal, I stole a drink of a bar.

It was on like three quarters full. She goes, what would you take it? I go, yeah, I just wanted to make sure the bartender made it right here you go, and I would just take that. We used to walk in the bar and just look, a guy would turn the other way. I go, sir, can you tell me what time it is? And you go like this and look down and my buddy would steal his beer. He just got a beer. He wasn't looking.

It was on the bar, and he'd walk away with it. And the guy turned around, go, what the fuck is my beer? You know, so we wouldn't even pay for drinks. You see a half drink on a bar, no one's around. you steal it and take it and just start drinking it we didn't give a shit that is fucking crazy shit i used to mug my high school janitor at my local bar he used to my high school janet was half a momo and on friday like 11 30 he'd show up and joan marries and i always knew there was something wrong with him and i would put my hand in his pockets he would put his jacket on the thing

and he would have a container in there of valiums and these other white pills and i would take all the valiums and give them out to my friends i mean yeah and there was the bar time that was Lila. She was fucking nuts, but she had this dog that would just sleep the whole time. And our job was to go over and order a drink from her and piss on the dog. I mean, this is only in Jersey you could do this shit. Piss on the dog. Piss on the dog while you were ordering the drink.

Right. Because the dog was right there. So you can take your dick out and just put this. It's just crazy. Someone has to do it. No, we do it at the bar. Instead of getting up, we just piss right at the bar. Piss at the bar.

We'd stand in there or sitting and you just whip your dick out and just piss. What are you talking about? talking about. There was no class in New Jersey. We didn't give a fuck, though. My friend ran the bar and he would piss at the bar. What? What did it smell like piss? What did they lose it down? No, because, you know, there's beer, everyone's spilling shit. People smoking

cigarettes, people got body odor. It all mixes in there. Yeah, it all mixed in. It didn't matter. And then ham sandwiches? that's where you ate those ham sandwiches. When we went to Joe Marries, there was a circle dish, and they had like a plastic container with a handle. And he would make a thousand little sandwiches. It's like,

nine in the morning, ham and cheese. And then when you got there, if you were drinking, you could just take a sandwich. That's how cool. And there would be a little old and shit flies would be in there. You think of the fuck, there was hunger. Stewart sandwiches. Do you remember Stewart sandwiches that came in the baggie?

If you went to a bar and you were hungry, you could say, let me get a stewed sandwich. They had like ham and cheese and pepperoni pizzas, and they had a little oven at the bar, and they put it in there, they make the sandwich with the baggie around. So you knew you were going to die. Then they'd open it up, and heat would come. I'm out. The ham and cheese wasn't that bad.

And can you just pee at Joe and Marys? No, we never peed. Except when we peed on the dog. But beside that, we peed in the back. Look up Stewart sandwiches from the 70s. See if you could find the toaster. Well, there was this one strip club near my house. It was five-cent bar pies, like pizza,

like their little bar pies or whatever like that. It was so you delorion with that. So you get pizzas, there'd be strippers and stuff. What we used to do with the dollars, we used to rip the dollars in half and roll them up. you know, you stick them in the girls fucking, you know, in their stocking or whatever, they're fucking, you know, garter belt.

And, you know, the strippers, they just throw all the money on the stage in a big pile and then they go in the back and they count it. So they didn't know, because we'd roll it up like it was almost like a fucking, like you were going to snore fines. So they had no idea. So we were getting two stuffs for a buck, we'd call it. You know what I mean? So we get, and the girls said no.

And then they'd get in the back, like, what the fuck? Somebody ripped the fucking, you know, dollar and a half day. We knew we had to get out of there within like 45 minutes because they'd come out for the next shift, because they would come out like once an hour. We knew they were going to look for who the fuck did this and eventually we'd get busted. And then we'd hit the next strip club and do it again.

We'd be in the car just ripping dollars and rolling them up. I met this guy in 83 when I went back to Jersey, 84, and then we became friends. And he wasn't from my neighborhood. I worked with him in the city. And he could get me 20s and 50s. That were fake. That's when you're messing with counterfeit money.

You're in deep, man. But I would torture. sure the strippers with them. It's dark. Who's gonna take a 50 from you quicker than a fucking stripper without looking at it? That's it. I'm not gonna say where I did it.

I ran that game for a year and a half. I got broke. I was in the city. I went to him like a man. He goes, I get tons of this shit. It's gonna cost you. But I didn't give a fuck because I would still clear. He would give me 10 Gs and 20.

20s and that would still clear 5 grand you know and that's breaking 20s that's breaking that's buying a pack of gun with a 20 that's tough so you would not even you would do it another place besides a strip club past them strip clubs I would get the 50s but if you went to like a little

bodega you would use a fake 20 yeah that's when you're fucking that's when you're fucking I know you can't go back to that today you get caught there's cameras that they'll catch it but in these days I would go to fucking really Spanishy neighborhoods and different hoods, the Bronx.

Right. Me and him were get in a car, and we'd go to, like, Harlem and go to, like, those places where you get soap, like, those pharmacy places. And then he also, like, when I was an open mic or in New York, I was only in New York for 93, for nine months. I didn't meet anybody. I would do Al Martin's Club. Yeah, on 24th and second. No, that was, like, 49th in second. 49th and second, it was by Spark Steakhouse.

Yeah. Okay? It was, like, three blocks away from Sparks. in those days there was a Gonzo Yeah Bob Gonzo booked the room in Bergenleine Avenue on 69th Street called Romano's

and every time I'd go home he put me up there Give me three minutes And where else was I doing comedy The old triple N I was all over the city but not in clubs I wasn't even thinking about clubs Right But what the fuck was I doing

That's when I met the dudes With the counterfeit dough Like I met them for a while. It was great. They had it down. But I learned that in those years that those people, what they demanded for, like, if you go up to 178 by Port Authority, if you walk two blocks from there, they have blocks and blocks, it looks like downtown L.A. Like Alvarado. You ever go to Alvarado Lee, the Langers?

Down there, it's just a role of Mexican businesses. And they sell sweatsawks and all that. Well, up that way, I would take, I would go to Fort Lee. to the Safeway, right in Fort Lee by the bridge. And that little more, if you, you can make a left off the bridge or right. If you made the left, you went to the Fort Lee diner. But if you made it right, there was like a supermarket there. They had lobster bisque.

I would go in there at 6 in the morning before the shift would change, when they would stock the shells, and I would just steal boxes of yeast medication. For if you have a yeast infection, and they would give me top dollar. I wouldn't even have money. Where would you sell that? At a hundred and seventy-eight. So I would go into, I would put a suit on, and go like with a briefcase with nothing in it, and I would go right into fucking Safeway, go up on top, take the boxes, and there was something else that I could buy.

I forget what it was, like cold medicine, like contact. Right. They would pay your top dollar for that. I would not even have the money for a bus over the bridge. I would walk the bridge. I mean, I was 210 pounds then. I could walk the bridge like nothing. It takes 10 minutes to walk over the bridge.

I would go over, walk to 181st, sell this stuff. pick up two, three hundred dollars. I would take the A train down the 52nd and sell cars. I mean, my life was crazy. I would steal change from the service department and the cars to get home at night. It was just, I was just a fucking, I wasn't going to no music concerts. I was just doing comedy. Right.

I joined the boxing gym across from fucking Port Authority. It's still there. Boxing gym. And they gave me a locker for 35 bucks a month, so I would leave clothes in there and change when I was in the city so I could change. I would jump rope and do push-ups. Fucking crazy, man. Jesus. And then I met you at Uncle Funnies, right now?

Uncle Funnies in Davy, Florida. Well, the Dolphins practice. Yeah, I'm a big dolphin fan, too. Oh, are you really? Yeah. So I would always go down there around when they were practicing or games and stuff like that. And that was the thing you told me you lived in Weehawk,

and my mind was blown. I go, really? And you were telling me how Wee Hawking had grown because I was gone. I was out of the picture. like I left New York City in 93 to go to Colorado and be a comedian. That was it. I did those nine months in New York.

I had started in 91, but I did those nine months. Yeah, it's about when I started 91. And then I never went back to New York again until after I met you, maybe 99, 2000. Yeah, because I didn't see you. No, I was wondering where, you know, I remember I mean, you know, at one time and then, like, yeah, I was like, I don't know. No, I wasn't in New York guy already. I was already in L.A. guy when I met you. I was at the store, at least.

That's the only place that was giving me spots. Right. And my manager used to work for creative entertainment, so he knew Uncle Fonnie's and all those fucking people. So here we are, 20 years later. 20 years, and you've been doing comedy 26 years like me, right? 27 years. Yeah, 291 is when I really started doing it.

July 8, June 18th and 91. I went on stage in like 90 and then stopped for a little bit. Yeah, that's what we all did. We all pussyed out, too. I could have been, I could have started. doing comedy in 89. It took me a year and a half to get out of stage. I was petrified too. I knew that's what I wanted to do at some point, but then I was just

it took me a year, year and a half, because I was DJing on the radio, I was DJing in rock clubs. I was doing that and then I just said, I got it, and I went to an open mic, I was on vacation in Florida with my girlfriend at the time, and I saw open mic night at this place in Fort Lauderdale. I go, fucking I'm going on. I go, nobody's going to know me here. It's going to be perfect. And went on, bomb, but I just said, this is fucking, this is what I want to do. And so the MC there was this guy from Jersey. Jersey. He goes, I do Tuesday nights at Noah's Ark and Woodbridge, New Jersey. I'm the host there. Come down.

And I'm like, I'm like perfect. So I'd go to every Tuesday night. It was like 10 minutes from my house. And I just started there. And then I started working in the city and doing all that stuff. How crazy is that we're still doing this shit? I love it. I love it even more. No, yeah, I do too. I fucking love it. I really did six shows last weekend in New York City. Six shows. Two Friday, four Saturday. Why did five in fucking Baltimore? And they were rough, Jack. People showed up. I had to say. St. Patti's Day. Oh, yeah. I love that club. You're on Magubis.

Magubis. I love that place. I love that place. It's great. That's a great fucking place and stuff. And you're happy you still do it. How long have you been doing this radio show, metal midgets? I've been doing that probably six years. Wow.

I do my podcast since 2011, so that's six years. And, you know, no, I love, and the stand-up. I love doing the stand-up. It's fucking great. Go ahead, a little brother. You were talking about ACDC earlier. You opened for them, I think, right? Not ACDC.

I opened for Metallica. Metallica put on a festival where they had comics on. I did that. So I technically opened them. I was on the same bill. And then I went on tour with Slayer, Megadeth, and Anthrax for a month. The arena is opening for them. And then I went on tour with Megadeth and Black Label Society,

Zach Wilde's band and a couple of the bands, you know, about two years ago. Now, he fucking intrigues me. I'm happy you brought his name up. Who? Zach Wilde. Love him. Fucking. He's amazing.

I love all everything. I love his whole. Jersey guy. I read up on him. But I love his whole. like he's so black Sabbath oriented. He's so Ozzy oriented. Yeah.

Like I could feel it. And even in his own, like the Black Label Society, all that stuff, I can hear how Sabbath influenced he is. Ozzy influenced. I've never met him. I've never seen him live.

I don't know how they are live. Oh, he's an animal. He's fucking looks like a caveman. He's got a huge beard. He went 69 days on tour without showering. That was his thing. He just, wouldn't shower and he didn't even care.

He would just drink like a case of beer. He just wake up and just start drinking beer. He doesn't drink anymore. He had some health problems where he can't drink anymore. Yeah, 69 days and not taking a fucking shower. That's got to cause something. That was the thing. Cephalus fucked up feet. He didn't care. He just didn't care. He just said

no problem. That was his longest, but he always got three weeks, sometimes four weeks. And just wouldn't shower. Oh my God. Do he stink? Of course. Yeah. He just said B.O. Just stunk of B. And people told him? Yeah, he didn't care.

Like Giza Butler was in Ozzy solo band for a little while. When Zach was in with Ozzy and he's like, that guy's a fucking animal. He goes, I just, I don't understand him. I've never met anybody like him. That's Gieser, who was on fucking tour in the 70s with every band. You know, and being the crazy days with Ozzy and just, yeah. He's cleaned up now, like, Zach, he'll shower now and stuff. No, he's a great, he's a family man.

He's married to his high school sweetheart. He's been married for like 30. years they got four kids you know kids got to tell you you stink though they weren't on tour with them okay they weren't on tour no he wouldn't go home no he wasn't go home no it was only when he was on tour my daughter his wife wouldn't put up his wife

wouldn't put up with that no no no that's 69 days your ball's got a stick and your assholes gotta be on fire dog because you just wipe your ass all that residue sticks there all those fumes and shit no I know he would just sleep in his clothes and just go to show the next night and murder on stage murder.

He always fucking murders. Fucking rip. Dean Delray loves him. Somebody else told me they love him. Everybody who I've seen him love it.

You watch him play guitar. Like just the way he stands and everything, he's just a fucking rock star. He's got the long blonde hair and a beard down to here and just fucking rips on that guitar. There's not too many rock stars left

and he's definitely one of them. You know, man, I live through you, when I hear you talk about the different shows you go to like I said, all that's like when I left New York Seattle.

That was just a memory for me. I always threatened myself now. I was going to go see Black Sabbath at the Hollywood Bowl. I didn't go. You know, like I said, I would love to see Michael Schengen again. I saw them. I saw them and Rainbow in Newark. And I also saw Missing Persons in Jersey.

I never saw Missing Persons live. I saw Missing Persons January of 83, one of the coldest nights in my life in Jersey, at that theater in Newark or Passaic. The Capitol Theater? The Capitol Theater. And that's where I saw Rainbow with the Scorpions when I was a kid. If you want me to lie to tell you, I knew every song. I did not even know who they were.

I went to see them by mistake. A kid from the neighborhood said, I got an extra ticket for the rainbow and Scorp. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. So was that when Shanker was in it? I think it was Animal Magnetism. If you look at what you were. Okay. That was 80.

It was Animal Magnetive. So Shanker played on the Love Drive record in 79. He came back for a little bit after Left UFO. Then I went to see him again when he toured the first album. I was still in Jersey. Okay. And I can't remember where I went to see. Armed in Danger.

Armed and ready. I loved the second album. I loved on and on. I still listened to it. That's great. Attack of the Wow. Max Magnet Man, Man, whatever the fuck the song is. But that's why I didn't go see UFO.

I would have gone to see lights out and rock bottom is my shit. I still watch the videos. Stranger than Night is one of the greatest live albums of all time. Phenomenal. Wait, did you get back to missing persons? Remember Dale Bozio had those naked pictures out? She was in either Cherry Magazine or Hustler. All like really dirty pictures, like showing her pussy and everything.

Let's look for them, Lee. See if you can see. Because I was in love with Dale Bozio. She was beautiful. She looked like my friend's sister. Lady Gaga stole her whole fucking look. If you look at Lady Gaga, she took her whole thing from her. What the fuck?

You know, Rainin has come on here. Rainin is Dale's son. Terry's son. Oh, yeah. The drummer. Yeah, he's... Good kid. Yeah, I got in touch with him or he got in touch with me somehow.

He's a big fan of my podcast or something. Yes, yes, yes. We spoke and he's like, I love to go on Florentine. So, yeah. Great kid. Has great stories of his father. Told me a lot of the little Zappa inside stuff. Well, I saw him, his father play for Zappa when I was living down in Florida.

No, you don't. and played a theater. Yeah, see, Vi was in the band. No, you did. At the time, yeah. This was before Vi joined, you know, Alcatraz, and then he went into David Lee Roth and stuff, but he was, you know, but Terry, one of the best drummers, out, it's phenomenal.

Listen, I saw Rush. I didn't like Rush. Again, another band, I couldn't take the fucking dude singing, but I went. And Neil Pert was ripping it, dog. But the best drummer, I think I ever really saw, like, really tear it up, was the from the police.

Oh, Stuart Copeland. Yeah. He's phenomenal. He's a synchronicity tour, but the one earlier, 81. That was out. The second arm, they had a Restafarian ban open from them at the Middlelands.

I went through smoke sense and me. I'm like, what the fuck are they talking about? But I thought he was great. I loved, when I went to see Van Halen opened up for Sabbath. At the Garden, 78? Yeah, that was at that show. fucking nightmare, but I never forget I was close enough to see.

There's your girl, Bill Ward, snort and coke off the drums in between songs. Is that Dale right there? And those pictures up on top of her? This is what came up. I don't know what you looked like. Is that her? Yeah. Click on to that fucking 100% one up on top.

All right. Just search Dale Bosio because I can't put this on YouTube. Which one do on my click on? Right there. Look at that. That, look at that fucking hairy monkey. That's what I'm talking about. Jesus, that's prime real estate.

That's when Pussies were Pussies, 1980s, 79. What Pussies were Pussies? Look at how far the hair goes down. Yeah, yeah, that's when it was sexy and shit. When you sniff the asshole, it could be pussy sniff or asshole mix. It was like a mocha latte. You know what I'm saying? Like it's coming from both directions.

Yeah, they take these down before we. go to jail. We'll just tell people. Yeah, she was, she was beautiful. She was. That album, I still have it on my iPod. I still listen to an I am. It's a destination unknown.

The only on the one. Notice me. Noticable one. It's phenomenal. He's got L.A. Walking L.A., but the other one. New, drag.

We don't drag to the new us drag. I forget. have what the song is. I know what you're talking about. I went to see them in the coldest fucking night ever in Jersey. And I'll never forget this because we went there. We caught Chan's Dragging Inn on the way home. And that's the night my buddy who irritates me

at restaurants, asked the waiter if they had chicken noodle soup. And me and my buddy almost killed them because we love Chan's Dragon Inn. Get the egg drop soup. Which one with the fucking egg drop suit? Nah, I want noodle soup. Listen, if you ask that waiter for chicken noodle soup, we're going to beat the fuck out of you. You understand me?

Don't fucking embarrass us. This is our whole restaurant. They gotta have chicken. He kept argued. They gotta have chicken noodle soup. I'm telling you. They got chicken, bro. Who cares what kind of soup he gets? Get the wonton because you're not going to order chicken noodle soup on a Chinese restaurant, not around me. Are you gonna like, Campbell's chicken noodle soup?

Yes, he wanted, like, he was a white dude. So we were all fucking white, but he wanted chicken fucking noodle soup. And we kept telling him, dog, if you order the chicken noodle soup, we're gonna beat the fuck I'm just, I'm telling you out of principle. Don't even think, don't even go there. Just get the egg drop. I don't like egg sauce.

I don't like wanton soup. I don't give a fuck what you like, get the war wanton. It's got shrimp in it, get something. But don't order chicken noodle soup. The waiter was in there two minutes, he looked him straight in the face, and he goes, do you have any chicken noodle soup? We were going to fucking kill him in that restaurant.

That's why it's to, to this day, when he sees me, he goes, we have me to come with you? I'm the only chicken noodle soup list. Don't even remind me because I'll fucking kill you how much you embarrassed me in those days. In those days, when we went into a restaurant, we ate specific things by the rule, like you eat from Jersey.

Right. Only fucking idiots eat half of that shit. Yeah. We eat a certain food and you didn't break that fucking code. That's just the way it was. That's the way you are in Jersey. You know what I'm saying? It's all for one, one for all.

I don't eat humbers. Yeah, you see, Joey's held true to this code for 40 years. 40 years. I don't find. I don't give it. I don't give it. Well, like, I took, there's this place called, shit, what is it?

This little dine around, on the Route 33 circle and like, where the fuck is Route 33? Jesus Christ. It's down by like, Asbury. It's called the roadside diner. It looks like the little blob diner. Now, there's 34 and 35, and that's like in fucking Marlboro. Yeah.

What's Route 34 and 35? That's why you're confusing me now. Yeah, but Route 33 goes all way down to like Asbury, Jersey Shore Medical Center, Bradley Beach, or whatever. There's a roadside diner. It's a little diner. And I had my son, I took him there last week, and I had it. So you have to have the park roll sandwich. So you never

had it before. That's a Jersey thing. Park rolling cheese. What's the other, what's the, Taylor ham and egg. Taylor ham and egg. Yeah, Taylor ham. This guy, somebody had it. One of our friends had a Taylor ham,

and we gave it to him because he's a Jersey shirt. Yeah, we made his world. We go, go ahead. Because I'm not going to use it, right? They don't have the right rolls. No. So I'm wasting my fucking time. They're insulting me.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You got to get the right fucking rolls. Rouse has the right rolls, but they're gooey. They're not real, fucking hard poppy seed rolls. So I didn't want to waste my time. You know what me, dog?

I'm buying a fucking book. Have you ever been to Dos Armanos on 55th in Bergen-Line Avenue? The Cuban steak sandwich place? Probably. I'm probably like all the fucking Mets go and any Yankees or football players that live in the galaxy. That's where they go. That's why I'm going to go next Thursday when I get back from Jim Norton's show. That's 55th and what?

Bergen-Line Avenue, right on the side of the building. It's called D'Elemenos. They only serve Cuban steak sandwiches, batitos of Mabé. I must have been there because I used to live on 55th in Kennedy, so I must have been there. 55th in Canada. Yeah, like right off of Kennedy. What the fuck is on 50th and Kennedy? To Farrow Lumber's down the corner.

Yeah, and it was like a gas station, like the next block over, car dealership. Cemetery? Somewhere in that neighborhood. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, that was when I first moved to West New York. Now, on 55th Street, when we were kids, there was a place called the Mai Chi. It was a Polynesian Chinese food. Fucking tremendous.

We used to go in there, and they were the only joint in Jersey that had spare ribs at the buffet. Oh, shit. Fuck yeah Wait, the ones with the bones? With the one with the bone. But there was a place in Nexta Carney that was an all you could eat

And on Monday nights They had the shrimp and lobster sauce All you could eat with prawns. Killer, killer, we used to fuck them up. You could see our little pads. We just walked back and forth. That's what else we did. We had a lot of Chinese food.

Right. Ran out of ground round and Engelwood clips. I would run out of that ground round on a fucking every week because we used to go up there for Monday. Remember Monday night football used to be an event?

Oh yeah, go to the bar? That's it. The bars were great. Food, free food. And wasn't ground round, pay with your way or that was with the kids. Pay with your way. Pay with your way to have a thing

where if you brought your kid in, you pay with your way. So if your kid was like 35 cents, I mean 35 pounds, he'd pay like 35 or you can eat whatever we want. You throw the peanuts on the floor. Yeah, people's peanuts on the floor. Yeah.

But that place to Mikeai, we would go in there and cause havoc. And Timmy's brother, the one that likes your Roger, he would go in and he had the bartenders trained. On Sundays, he was, He would watch football and snark coke there. But he would call the bartender home,

and the bartender would put his neck down, and Roger would karate chop in the next. That was what he had to do. So every hour on the hour, he'd go, oh, come here. And the guy would come over, and he'd go like this, and Roger would go, ha! And karate chop, and the guy would walk away. Today, that's racist as fuck.

But back then. But then finally, one day it came on the paper. They raided him, and they had a bunch of cats. Skin cats in the freezer, so that was the end of the fucking the mic. cats. Like they were skinning cats. They were real fucking, they found cats and dogs and

you know, just the meats from all over the fucking world. That was the end of the fucking my kind. What do you got this weekend, man? Friday night, but the improv. 10 o'clock show? 8 o'clock show. And then Saturday, you got something. You got a benefit. It's an MS. benefit. A bunch of, Rudy Sarso's

playing. Nancy Wilson's got a new band, like a side project from Hart. She's playing. Then you got all the rock stars. Stephen Adler's going to be to Gilby Clark from Guns and Roses. And I guess everyone's going to go up and jam. Bill Burr's doing stand-up. Craig Gas is going to host and I'm going to go out and do some stuff too.

Perfect. A Los Angeles Theater Saturday night. But the improv, yeah, none of my podcast, Comedy Metal Midgets. It's out every Monday. So Comedy Metal Midgets is up on iTunes. Yeah. And what's on Sirius? Serious is, I just call the show Metal Midgets. Okay, that's what I listen. Yeah, it's just a two-hour show.

I do every Thursday from 5 to 7 Eastern. And they replay it like four times. And I listen to it, man. Yeah, it's a two-hour show. I love it. I make up my own playlist. It's fucking great. I go through my iPod. I go, I want to play this. I'm going to play... I just played Judas Priest's Sinner. We're just talking about it. I just played it last week.

My sister goes, how can you play it played sinner? I thought you'd play something like, you know, like you've got another thing coming. I go, no, I don't play the hits. No, I got to play the deep cuts. Now, out of all these bands we've discussed tonight, what's the one that drives it home for you? Sabbath. Number two.

ACDC. Number three. Priest? priest yeah I'm going to throw a motorhead in there too I'm a huge motorist You know what just turned 35 today 35 years old is Iron Maiden

Number of Beast Came out 35 years ago Here's the problem With number of the beast I jumped off the bat when Paul Deano Well I don't know why I know the first two main records are phenomenal

But the band wouldn't be where they are today Without Dickinson really Without Dickinson yeah Deano's too much of a fuck up I mean the guys if you see pictures of him online he's a fucking mess he's been in a jail he could barely sing he's bald

he's yeah he's he's they knew at that time it was time for him to go I just knew so I just seen him do acoustic all wrath child I think it's online not really I don't know what it was Deano yeah just something he's bald right yeah yeah yeah he doesn't know he looks like

no he doesn't look at him I was like oh fuck yeah so they made the right move no I was at Deano those first two maiden records are fucking that's one of my killers Kill a self. I'm my favorite. Metal, the Murok?

What is it? Murders in the room all. Oh, my. Gangus Khan. God. Jesus Christ. All that. See, that was it.

That was my... I still listen to it. You know, I put it up on Twitter, and people call me an old fuck. Get the fuck out of here. You don't know music. You don't know music. No, I know.

I don't even argue with them. When they say shit to me, I don't even... Because they don't have no idea. If you wouldn't click that on and listen to that bass line and to begin, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, bam, bam, bam. I don't.

love all that shit. You know when I was thinking about I wanted to ask you, have you ever listened to Hell Bent for Letta of the album and thought to yourself, Jesus Christ, how gay was he? And I didn't know. Well, yeah, that, absolutely. You had no idea. I had an idea.

I had an idea during the British Steel Week. I had something like, by Thursday, I'm like, I think this guy's gay, but it didn't matter in my world. It didn't. At that time, it did not. I didn't grow up like that. I didn't care if he was gay. I thought he was one the best I had ever seen live. I mean, when I saw him do

Victim of Changes Live in 79, I was like, this is amazing. The problem I had was my earlier concerts, especially Aerosmith, that didn't sound like the album, I didn't like that. You got to be tight with Uncle Joey. I don't want to know of this fucking, you want to improv, improv on your own

fucking time. All right? Don't improv with Uncle Joey. Erosmith, like the Stones, like to improv a little bit, and it sounds good, but it doesn't sound good. They were one of the first guys that was so fucking tight. And I couldn't figure it out because they were heavy. They were so heavy.

When I went to see British Steel, they were tight, dog. I went five nights in a row. They were fucking tight. That crossover before metal gods from whatever reaching the world, whatever the fuck, it was the most brilliant thing I had ever. And I had to go back to watch it. Like I got to go back to see if this is fucking real. I kept going back to maybe it's it's maybe they're lip-syncing

maybe he's fucking lip-syncing and I was I kept going just to see if he was lip-syncing then when I went back for point of entry he opened up with solar angels he would stop from the top and he would slide down like a little fruitcake and shit but it was tremendous I knew then no one you know and you know I had no idea

because like if you saw like promo pictures of Halfer back in the day he always had penthouse pets around them that was the move for the guys like to show No, I get chicks. You know, I'm not insinuating anything, but there was, you know, Paul Stanley was another guy with a lot of penthouse pets around them, you know, in promo pictures. David Lee Roth, another guy. I'm not insinuating anything, but those guys were always like, oh, look, they get all the chicks. No, David Lee Roth fucked a lot of chicks.

No, absolutely, without a doubt. No, I know. I guarantee a guy sucked his dick or two for free tickets or singing lessons or some shit. You never know. Dude, the first time I met David Lee Roth was in scores in New York City of the strip club. I go in there. You know, the comedian, Richie Franchese, remember Richie? Yeah, yeah, big guy.

Yeah, yeah, big guy. I'm a doorman. Yeah, yeah. Why is the doorman up there doing comedy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the Bounce of doing on stage? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was a great joke. Great joke, yeah.

So, Richie knew a guy to work there, so after we go to the comic strip, we go over to scores. And someone goes, David Lee Rossi, I'm like, holy shit, where? And he was up, like, in, like, the VIP section. And we went up there, and it was, like, he was sitting there. It was like six girls around them and they were playing Van Hanel and like dance the night away and he was singing with the girls. I'm like, this is a fucking rock star.

He's got six strippers around him and he's singing his own song and the fucking girls are hanging all over him. Like this is fucking beautiful. He was one of the reasons I got up on stage. Besides Pryor and Dangerfield and Dyson, when I would see Dave in interviews, how funny he was.

I love that about him. I love, we just played that video. His little rants in between songs. You know what I mean? Like sometimes he'd go, off the deep end, but other times he was really funny. You know, and shit like that, he would make me, I'm like, holy shit, I want to do that.

He did the 84 or 82 or like 81 MTV Music Awards, and they went up to him. I'll never forget what he said. Do you remember? He was sitting there with like a blue suit on, and they went up to him like, Dave, any words? And he was like, life's a kung fu movie. I always loved that line. Listen, a couple weeks ago, we came in here,

we played just a jiggleau like 20 times. I love that. I made him watch the video and I go, Lee, look how brilliant this was. To this day, that's one of my top ten songs. And I don't like goofy songs. Right. Uncle Joey don't like going. But he pulled it off.

I don't like smoking in the boys' room or none of that shit. No, no, no, no. You know, when they redo it, it really pisses me off smoking in the boys' room. A hot thing, you know, what's that wild thing? All that shit drives me fucking crazy. Yeah, that's bad. But just the jingalow, when I hear it, it puts a smile on my face. It makes me so fucking happy, man.

Dave pulled it off. Jimmy Florentine, I'm happy. We finally got you on. It's been fucking mind-boggling, just talking about Jersey for a few hours of them. It's amazing that we grew up in pretty much the same area. It went to the same shows. Same shows.

Same craziness from Jersey. We read Circus magazine. What a fucking time. And the music would save me. I could honestly. Music without a doubt, same. I could honestly. I can honestly tell you

that my mother died and that music picked up if I didn't have that like Sabbath bloody Sabbath I listened to that album for 20 years every day I listened to that album from probably my first sabbathed album was Warpigs but the second one was sabotage

with drill of it all and fucking the writ megalom Megalomania. Stop, stop, stop. And then I got this third, and this took me to a different level. Like, that's how I lived every night.

I'd go home, and I'd go out, and if you turn it around, and they're at the hospital, aren't they? If you turn Sabbath, bloody Sabbath around, they're at the hospital. Like, at the cover, she's like, right now, he's getting haunted with ghosts. Yeah.

And the devil showed up. That's us when we leave here. Yeah. But when we get here, it's like, right, and if you turn it around, it's like his family's at the hospital bed. I would take acid and look at that cover every night. And I would listen to Sabbath, bloody Sabbath,

over and over and over. Even today, like, if I got something I got to do, I don't leave the house without Sabbath bloody Sabbath. That rift. Where can you run to? What more can you do? No more tomorrow. Life is killing you.

Are you fucking kidding me? Now, think about doing that shit on acid when you're 16 and your mom just died. And I'd sit there at night crying, listening to acid, listening to that national acrobat over and over and over. I was so mad at my stepdad and Sabbath, bloody Sabbath was my theme. I can't believe I didn't blow his head off. Life goes on, you know what I'm saying?

Well, when I moved to Florida, between sophomore and junior year, my dad decided to move us to Fort Lauderdale. I left all my friends, childhood friends. I had no friends. They put me at a strict Catholic school, like this private school. And I was miserable. I mean, I was fucking, the most depressed that I've ever been in my life. And Dyer of a Madman

came out, and I would listen to that song, Ozzy, Dyer of a Madman, that song, every day before I go to school to get me through it. Every morning I put that song on. I remember that album came out, the first one. Blizzard of Oz. And the second side, we snort Coke, and Mother Earth would come up.

Revelation Mother Earth. And my friends would feel so bad. And they'd just pick it up and skip over the song because they were talking about mothers, and I'd be in the room. There was like two albums. came out that one, and Pink Floyd has a mother song, The Wall. Right. And I would always leave the room just so they wouldn't feel bad. They would

switch the song, I'd make a leave, oh, I gotta go outside and smoke a join or something. I can't, uh, I'll never forget my musical memories, man. They just, they were so important. I see people today, they don't listen to music no more, they don't know nothing about nothing. I watch those

I watched that fucking Leonard Skinner video and I dream that I could be that good on stage one day. Like to go up on stage and just impose your fucking they just were imposing their will on people. Even if you didn't like rednecks

you left there going, Jesus fucking Christ, what did I just see? They didn't give a fuck. No, I got my son, my son seen 14 shows so far. He's six years old. What's his favorite so far? Probably Slipknot.

He loves the heavy stuff, but he saw ACDC. He saw ACD. He saw he sees with Brian Johnson and Axel. He saw two different versions of, and then he saw Black Sabbath, and he got to meet Black Sabbath before the show. And he was so excited. I'm like, don't be nervous or not.

And you know what his favorite song is, which is the craziest is, am I going insane off a sabotage? Love it. He loves that song. He came on Ozzy's Boneyar one day. He goes, Dad, I like that song. I'm like, really.

So he asked, when he met him, I go, Luke, tell everyone who your favorite song is. And he told him, am I going insane? And Gies is like, whoa. that's a deep cut and Tony's like really that one and Ozzy goes huh? Huh? He's like Am I going insane? He's like huh?

And he's like Ozzy you know what I was talking about? I goes Asi doesn't remember that song from 1975 but that's like his favorite song And he loves war pigs, iron man Ferries wear boots he's like that black Sabbath's got great songs I used to listen to that

fairies wear boots on acid and just live out that whole fucking thing smoking and tripping is all that you do. I know. Listen, man, sometimes you've got to go fucking deep. I'm happy they took me deep.

I remember getting... Hand to doom. Listen, I actually... Doom, doom, doom. The one hour of my board that I put away was Master Reality. I was too young for Master Reality when I bought it. When I heard, the Pope and I broke, do you think he's a fool?

Right. This is going a little bit too far. They've cut the line of Joey Diaz. When I put it away, but after my mother died, I went to get T.C. Crystal one night. It was like February of 80, and I got home and the Exorcist was on. Like, regular TV.

I don't know if they had HBO. I don't remember. And I put the Exorcist on, but I turned the volume off, and I put the earphones on, and listened to Master Reality on that angel dust. I almost jumped out of the fucking window. That was enough for me. And ever since that time, into the void and Lord of this world. And Lord of this world.

After forever. My children of the grave. I mean, this songs are just part of who the fuck. I don't know a lot of you people listening going, Joey. What the fuck are you and Jim talking about? Man, I feel bad if you didn't have music growing up around you. Like, I feel bad for you. Like, my whole life is a fucking music library.

Like, when I look at the cover of the B-52s, you know, when I look at this, it brings me back to a time where as sad as I was, this made me happy. Like as sad as my heart was. Yeah. All those years of all those shows, it would take me away for three hours. Like I wouldn't think of my mother

or not having a family or not getting Social Security. It really wasn't the drugs. It was that fucking music that would take me away. So when you play it on the show and talk about it, I love it.

I'm in the car with the baby. I'll fucking blast something. That's great. I appreciate you coming on. Absolutely. So Friday 8 o'clock, Melrose Improft, Tickets are still available. Go to the link.

And Saturday, you're at the MS. The MS Benefit Show. Everyone going up there, jam and every rock still be there. Bill Burr, you'll be there, bunch of rocks. Tickets still available? Tickets still available. Los Angeles Theater. Okay.

And my podcast. Lee, how are you feeling over that? Oh, my comedy special. You know what I put one out in December? A simple man. Now, where is it? It's up on Amazon, iTunes. Okay.

Yeah. You have it on your webpage also? Yeah, they can get it there, too. Yeah, they get direct there, too. So how you feeling over that, buddy? How many stars did you do tonight? We did 10 stars again. Okay, so you did 2,000 milligrams.

What's the difference between tonight, Monday, and your behavior on Saturday when you told the general public? No. You were not this high. I'm less tonight. No, no, no. Look how you are tonight. I'm less tonight than I was Monday night.

Anyway, trying to bullshit me. Trying to insult the fucking audience of the church of what's happening. Oh, dear you? I would never insult them. I took 10 legitimate stars. We're going to see from now on. I'm going to get them stamped from our friend. You got to get them stamped because last week you were not this high when I called you.

He does them on paris. We used to eat these chocolate bars. I gave up edibles for Lent. But that don't mean that he's Jewish. You could do them on Sundays, though. Yeah, yeah. You know, there's a new rule at Lent. Whatever you gave up, you could do on Sunday.

I don't want to do it. I'm going straight to the end. I got to do this. I'm old school Catholic. I'm not one of these fucking Catholics and residual. What do you call them? These people part. time. Like last week, last Friday

was St. Paddy's Day. I don't eat corned beef. I love corned beef. So you won't eat meat on fries? No, I gave up. I tried as much as I don't do dick. I don't do dick. Why can't I give her something fucking for eight weeks on Friday? So on Fridays I just eat fish. This Friday I'm taking

my wife on a date. I'm going over to that fucking Chinese place and I'm going to get the sea bass, Chinese style. I'm already thinking about it. That's how I do at least I am. You know what I'm saying? Way before the game, I'm already thinking about what I'm eating. That's a professional fucking dude.

You follow me? I hear you. Sure. Anyway, I like to introduce Legacy Box to the podcast. The beauty about this is that we all have pictures or your parents made Super 8. Remember when we were growing up? Porn was Super 8. Yeah.

Now they don't have Super 8, but there's people that still have super 8 because they have cameras and they tape their kids. It's people at our 8, like our parents, would still have that stuff, you know? When was the last time you watched your home movies? If you're like most Americans, there's a box in your closet of videotapes. Film reels, photos that get washed or taken out. Worse, they're actually deteriorating. You know, the idea I was looking at a picture, me and my mom when I was like three or four,

and I could see that the colors were kind of weird, like the colors were starting. And I didn't do nothing with it. My wife made copies. Well, if you want to save all these pictures and get all your stuff to look like the day you took them, well-introduce Legacy Box to you. A simple and affordable way to get your recorded moments digitally preserved on DVD

or on Thumb Drive. I just received a box today from Legacy Box. So I haven't been able to get my videos ready. Like I have a lot of stuff with my daughter on the phone. All that stuff that we have, we can transfer that shit. That's great. And they'll put it. This is how it works.

You load Legacy Box with all tapes, films, pictures, audio recordings, and you send it back. You'll get them back in a couple. a couple of weeks on DVD or convenient thumb drive. Ready to watch, share, and relive. Legacy Box takes care of everything and provides the updates at every step of the process. That's why over 250,000 families have used them already.

The Huffington Post, Parents Magazine, USA Today, and The View are all talking about Legacy Box. And now, for a limited time, go to Legacybox.com slash Joey, and I'm going to give you 40% discount on your order. Again, that's legacybox.com slash Joey for 40% off. That's legacy box.com slash Joey, all right? I'm going to use this.

No, no, I'm putting it down right now. Listen, go to the website, legacybox.com based off, you know, let. It looks really cool. It's really fucking cool. Because my mom had that issue because when she moved, we had 8,000 VHS tapes, and I would have loved to have kept those. And some of them she gave to people, but some of them had to get thrown. away, this would have been a perfect

solution for her. Because I think it's as simple as you just put it in the box. Put it in the box. That's it. You just send it to them. You just send it out. They take care of the rest. I got the box today. So, again, go to legacy box.com slash Joey to get 40% discount on your order. And then maybe tell me, I think

thumb drives would probably be better. If you have a mother or something, tell it to thumb drives. All right. What did you think of zeal massage? You had it for Christmas. We had it for Valentine's Day. And we loved it. much that Paul is doing it with her cousin. We're

doing it again. Okay. Because it was it was so easy. We booked it right on the app. It was great. They came, they brought everything. It was my first massage, and they were very gentle and nice. And it was, yeah, it was awesome,

and they loved it so much they're doing it again. You want to know the only thing better than getting a massage? That's getting the massage and the comfort of your own home. I'm going to introduce Zeal to you. Just go zeal.com or zeal's iPhone or Android app. That's Zeal spelled zeeel.com

and select from top local license and pre-screen massage therapist. Choose your favorite technique, gender preference, time and location for your massage. Zeal will send one of the 8,000 licensed massage therapists with a massage table, music

supplies to give you a five-star massage. Scheduling, booking, and payment is fast and easy, even the tip is included. Seven days a week, 365 days a year, and a seal massage therapist can be at your door in as little as one hour. Privacy, convenience, quality, and comfort. That's what you get from your massage on demand with Zeal. Find out why Zeal has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, Vogue, and on Good Morning America, bring the spot to you and try Zeal today. Really? Today, right now, they're on demand. You can have the best massage of

your life and your own home and your own privacy right now today. To help you get starters, our listeners get $25 off their first massage by using promo code church and check out that's Zeal spelled z-e-e-el.com and then make sure to click add promo code and check out to use my code church. C-U-C-H-U-R-C-H. Right now, go to zeal.com or Zeal's iPhone or Android app and get a special offer when you try Zeal today. Enter promo code

church at checkout to get $25 off your first in-home on-demand massage. I want to thank Zeal Legacy Box as my main people, on it.com, and I'll see you, motherfuckers, next week. Don't forget about my man,

Jimmy Florentine, Friday night, the improv, Saturday night at the MS Benefit at the L.A. L.A. Theater. Boom. And I'm at Leverty Live next weekend, up there in West. Nyack, starting Thursday, Coxsuckers. Don't forget about me.

And 420 at Levity and Oxnard. I love you guys. Stay black. Have a great weekend. We'll see you, Coxsuckers next week.