The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #476 - Carlos Mencia

Episode Date: April 27, 2017

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt welcome comedian Carlos Mecia live in studio. Carlos called Joey out of the blue to ask for forgiveness, and Joey invited him to be a guest.  This podcast is brought to you by:  Seeso: Seeso is the new ad free streaming service. Bingeable comedy. Anytime. Anywhere. Use code JOEY to get 1 month for free. Naturebox.com - Go to Naturebox.com/joey for 50% off of your first box.  Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 04/26/2017.  

A couple weeks ago, I got a call. I was minding my own fucking business, and I got a call. And I called the number back. And it was Carlos Mincea. And he said he wanted to start calling the clubs again. We were bump into each other, and he said that he apologized for anything that ever happened between us or anything that he had ever done. And I said, listen, you know, I wasn't mad at your, you know, life is life. and life moves on.

He said he was having a son, and he had been in therapy and whatnot. And I thanked him for the call, and I didn't know what to think. I thought about it for a few days, and I said to myself, I asked myself, how many people gave me a fucking second chance, you know?

So I thought about it, and I called him one day, and we spoke. I heard he had showed up at one of the rooms and did a spot with some guys with Willie and Jeff Garcia and a bunch of other guys, and he was very nice and very humble. And I spoke to him again. I told him I appreciate the call.

And we spoke, and I asked him if he'd want to talk about what he went through on the podcast and all this stuff. And I got to be honest with you, I did not want any anger or anything like that. So I kept the podcast light. I hope you enjoyed. Pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart.

What's happened, you savages? This podcast is brought to you by Onit. Go to Onit for their fine selection of supplements, weights, steel bats. If you need it, they got it. Alpha Brain, Moneyback, guaranteed, guaranteed. Go to Onit.com right now and press in. Church. Bam!

Get 10% off, bitches. Number two, when you laugh, the world. lives with you. You understand me? With CISO, you get unlimited access to CISO original series, next day, late night, hilarious stand-up specials and binge-worthy classics, including 42 seasons of Saturday Night Live. Go to CISO.com right now and get one month free with promo code Joey at checkout. Again, S-E-E-E-S-O-com promo code Joey. Number three, you're small smoking dope, you're jumping up and down, you're doing exercises, you want healthy snacks, right? Go to NatureBox. That's as healthy as can be. Whether you get the chocolate nom-noms or the

salt and pepper lentil loops or the mini-coco Belgian waffles, you know that you're getting the goods. Go to NatureBox right now and you get 50% off your first order when you use slash Joey. You understand me? naturebox.com slash Joey. I'm going to give you 50% off your first daughter. Kick that motherfucker mulee.

Let's set this room on fucking fire. Oh shit. Oh shit. I can feel it. Black people jumping up and down. Oh shit. Fuck the riots in 94. This is the real deal right here.

Here we go. Kick that mulee. What am I? I'm fucking deaf thing here. Kick that motherfucker mule. Bust those speakers. I want to see it light on fire like grandpa's fingers. It's the church of what's happening now, cock suckers.

April 26. Uncle Carlos Mencia. The Flying Jew. Uncle Joey Diaz. Bringing it to you, cock suckers. What? Hit it, Lee. Kick that mule.

Hit it, Lee. Let me see you wiggle, cock sucker. How many bong hits you did to tell you Lee? Three or four, I think? Three or four. You did two, Cossack. No, I didn't. I did at least three.

Two. You didn't do it. The comedy. You didn't do the communist. You didn't do the communist week. I did at least three. You already forgot. Oh, shit.

Justin, you thought it was safe. Here we go. Here we go. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Mangelet. Oh, I don't know what Mangolet means, but fuck it. It sounds like eat in Italian.

In Italian. Mangeli. Carlos Menci in the house tonight, my main man, Lee Syatt. recovering from a few fucking issues, but he's back. He took care of everything and shit. He got a blood test. Everything's good.

He's not pregnant. No, I'm not pregnant. You're okay? You're okay, brother? I'm doing all right. Good for you. Call those men see you in the house. Good to have it.

Not contagious anymore. It's a pleasure to see you, brother. I was telling you when you walk in there. It's been a minute. I know you since 1994, August, when we did the Latin tour, Me, You, and Jimmy Abeda. I had seven, five,

had six minutes. You made the mistake of giving me your number, and I called you every week for two fucking years. I woke you up in every hotel city. Good to have you on the show finally, man. Good to see you, get to hear from you, good to... Good to know you're doing well, man. These motherfuckers forgot who the fuck the power of Mincy is. I'm trying, Carlos.

You were there in the beginning. You were there. I never forget that you even called Scott Day for me. Of course. And gave me a reference. It was you, Doug Stanhope, and some other animal. called Scott Day. Like somebody at least expected called Scott Day.

And it was great when he called me and they gave me a showcase in front of Mitzie. And until this day, that's what I hold most sacred is that she passed me. Isn't that a great moment, dude? And I know now, I mean, nobody, I mean, we're talking a fucking air right now. You know what I mean?

People don't get what that hierarchy is. Everybody thinks they're funny. The internet has made it so that, you know, there's these YouTubers. And I ain't hating on them. Good for them. They got their fans. They sell tickets.

Good for them. But they didn't go through that that we did. It's an indoctrination, an initiation, a place where we were like, hey, man, you're one of the three clubs. And if you want to get into the comedy store, the crazy place, the edgy place, the Kinnison place, the dice place. You got to go through Mincey. She's the gatekeeper. She's the one. She's got to see you.

And she's got to like it. and man it was it was for me anyway I feel the same way bro I couldn't believe and yet I was so naive and young and I didn't know shit about comedy that it wasn't as big at the time but you know to hear it going you can't be a non-paid regular I was like what the what is that was a non-paid regular I don't know what that is they're like you're in dude you're in but you don't get paid but you're in and this was back in the day I don't know if you remember when they put

two non-paid regulars and it said MP and those two didn't get paid and then everybody else behind they got paid whatever it is. What year did you get become a regular? 88. Oh yeah. In 88 I was still fucking a camp George West correctional facility doing my own laundry

and rocks and shit. You were doing time. And then when I got out I got the somebody gave me the What year did? What did you do that to you? 97 February this was my 20th anniversary. So I was nine years later than me, bro.

When I got into comedy, you were already rocking and rolling. Yeah, after... 93, 92, you already were rocking and rolling. Yeah, I had already... 94 was my first HBO special. Before that, I had...

Que Locos, and... Let me see, there was another comedy compadres. So, Comedy Compares was just in L.A. on Channel 5. I hosted 13 episodes of that. Then a couple of years later, I hosted a, uh, uh, that was comedy compadres. Then there was like, uh,

and, uh, so then that was on comedy television. You, Pablo. Oh God. It was, oh yeah, it was, it was all the young guys. It was, uh, yeah, me, Pablo, Willie. All the guys that had three minutes. Like none of us.

I had no fucking business host in a show, bro. There's no way. I've been doing comedy for a year, two, three maybe. I didn't have the. of material you know what i mean so so much of it was just the stupidest cheesiest shit that i could you know but there were 13 episodes so you got to come up with 13 openings so um i i remember that was a comedy compadre's one and i did it but yeah i've never seen those shows again i would be ashamed to look at those shows right now i think i could get high maybe and watch them and laugh

but sober, I don't think I can watch them, bro. It's funny because every time I talk to Jimmy and I go to Denver, he goes, if you want to come over the house, do you want to see the tape or are you opening for Carlos? And I go, I don't ever want to fucking see that thing. Right? As long as I fucking live. Jimmy still hasn't.

He plays it once a week, and he watches it. I can't fucking, I don't ever want to watch any of that stuff. When I see a movie that I'm in or something like that, I switch it so fucking fast. I've never seen a whole movie that I've been in. Whoa, I had to. I had to. You have to when you go to, you know, when you go to the premiere. Sometimes I would just go, shake hands, and get the fuck out of it.

Oh, would you? Yeah, I can't sit there. I can't sit there, especially when I took my friends. That was a big mistake in New York. Why? What happened? Because you're, for your fucking friends that you grew up with. Yeah. And they're yelling and scream.

Oh, what fuck. Every time you come on camera, the line, Joey! Yeah, let's just fucking, what the fuck. So now, 94 I meet you, and you were, already the show on HBO. Yeah, at that time, I had done LocalSlam, Local Slam. Locoslam. And the first HBO special, and then the next one came out the next year.

And then who was on Locoslam? Pablo. The same guys, really. It was the same guys, except a little bit dirtier. You know what I mean? A little bit edgier. But that was the first time I put Juan VRL on TV. So that was like.

So you knew Juan that long ago? Yeah, I knew one. Well, I met Juan right before I did that show. and I saw this kid I was performing at a black club It was What was the name of the black club in Houston Back in the day

Rumbraer was Sean Williams Anyway they were the first ones to book me The regular club wouldn't book me So they booked me I went down there and they had this kid opening for me named Huang And that dude just to this day man Nobody makes me laugh

Like Juan does Funniest, rawest talent I've ever seen in my fucking one. He's the guy that I say, watching this dude is what we can't be. He makes anything funny. I love, love watching him.

So I told HBO you got to put this guy on. And they fucking put him on right after Crazy Licks Fonseca, which was fucked up. You don't do that? You don't make somebody follow a guy with cerebral palsy?

Could you imagine, dude, there's a guy that comes out and he's like, hey, I'm looking at Jitos. And my whole audience is going fucking ape shit. Right? They're going ape shit. And at that time, Fonseca was on fire. He was on fire. He was a good writer.

Oh, fuck yeah. I woke up and my dick was orange and we're like, oh, dude. What was his opening joke back then? I'm from Colorado. Wasn't it I woke up and my dick was orange? No, I woke out. I'm from Colorado and we like to parachute or something to that of fire. Oh, something that he was in a parachute accident.

Parachute accident. That's right. And he's like, fuck parachutes and all this shit. And you'd be howling, you know. He was killing it, though. Killing it. Doug, I met Fonseca in 91, and he had a dude that used to drive his van. Right.

And the guy was a biker comic. Yeah. His name was Toad jam. I remember that name, but I don't know him. To jam. Tojam was a biker dude. Man, I'm going down the highway in my motorcycle. And all of a sudden, he's an MC.

And also he's an MC. and all of a sudden, boom, I see him in the van. Right. With Chris Fonsec, and I go, see, when you see that, I was a doorman at Wits End. Right. And I'm like, how cool is that? He's like, man, that ain't that cool.

I got to wipe his ass. And right there, that just stops with me. I was like, I got to wipe his ass. I'm not wiping nobody's ass. Well, that's part of the gig, though. I mean, you had to do it. You got to wipe him down when he takes the shit. I just remember that.

I forgot all about that fucking story. To jamp. I got to do something about my memory. It disappears and it just shows up. It just shows up sometimes. I hadn't thought a toe jam in 20 fucking years and it just came out. I know, dude. It happens to me all the time.

But I mean, dude, I've been doing it now for 29 years going on 30, bro. Next year in March, it'll be 30 years. So, dude, there's a lot of shit I forgot. A lot of shit back in the day. There's so many people that'll be like, hey, man, remember? And I'll see the face and I'm like, you look older than I remember. Yeah, exactly. And then all of a sudden it's like, oh, shit.

Yeah, it takes a while. Oh, my God. Dallas at the old improv. Yeah. Because there used to be an improv. There's an improv in Dallas, but there used to be one in Fort Worth. It's like the one in Fort Worth. Oh, my God.

I remember. Yeah, it's crazy. People that started doing comedy that opened, the guest spots, that just disappeared and went away. It's, it's, dude, it's been a minute, bro. It's been a minute. It really fucking has. Is it scaring you or what, bro? Listen, Carlos, when you're a guy like me,

I didn't think I was even going to make it to 50, not because I was hanging out with fucking the banditos and mafia. Just because of the lifestyle. Sure. I had gone through mentally younger. Sure. So now I'm 54. Today at 10 o'clock.

Do you know what I was doing, Carlos? What in the morning? Yeah, what do you think I was doing today at 10 o'clock? Were you reading to one of your kids? No, I was at my kids' karate belt promotion. Oh, nice. A daycare. And the whole time my wife afterwards, she goes, you had a weird look on your face the whole time.

I go, let me explain some to you. I was never in this world. I don't know about this shit. My mom would drop me off at karate and come back an hour later, you know, like two hours later. Your mom had karate. Yeah, my mom had karate. Do you and poor, fucking karate? Come on now.

It's just really weird that it's my wife says you're quiet at the house. I go I got a little girl that prays at the table. Right. You know what the fuck do you think I feel when she looks at me? Daddy. Let's say prayers. Right. And then fucking who says prayers?

Who says fucking prayers? I got a four year old telling me to shut up. Yeah. Because I got a same. You know, my 10 year old does the same thing. Yeah. He says, he says prayers every time we. Every time we go to bed when we wake up.

You know, we come from a different environment. And so for me, I'm freaking out every fucking day. Not to mention I'm 54. Is that scaring you too? The big 5-0? Look, as soon as you hit 5-0, it gets real. It shit changes. Because now you're in the real zone.

Right. Now you're in the zone where Aaron Moran dies at 56. Sure. You know what I'm saying? You're like, motherfuckers die at 50. Like, yeah, friends of your start, when friends of yours start dying of non-accidents, shit's getting real shit's getting real you know what I mean when all of a sudden you're like oh yeah man

remember him he got cancer what so shit got real oh and then I had a baby right like it just didn't get real at 50 where you're like wow I'm 50 right it's all downhill after this isn't when the warranty ends remember Christland remember Christland had three years 36000 oh yeah whatever you hit back in the day bro back in the day whatever you hit first three years or 36 50 is the day that they give you the paperwork and they sign the paperwork and they'll listen it's over every day from here on out is borrowed like you've already paid for the car the cars in

yeah yeah there's no warranty it's it's really what what happens when you when you start hitting 50 bro is you it's like it's like having an old car that you're going to keep forever and you realize that okay so they go the water pump man it's no good so then you picks the water pump and you put a new one in well you don't realize that the hose is are used to the old pressure, not the new pressure. So all of a sudden, you come in, boom, a week later, they go, you got to fucking replace your hoses. Not all of a sudden you got to place a headcount.

That's where we are right now. We're getting to that place where, oh, my knee hurts. Well, you know what? You're getting arthritis pretty soon. You're going to have to get a new knee. But just hold on. We'll just keep it. Oh, my elbow hurts.

You got tennis elbow. That's not good. The tend is right here. It's not good. You know, little parts of you start breaking up. And then you just realize, like, I got a. start taking care of this shit. That's the other thing.

I can't be... You get serious. Right? I can't be going, oh, you guys want to play basketball? Fuck that. You get serious. You're like, I ain't drinking diet soda no more.

Right. I ain't doing dick. Like, I ain't doing dick. I went to get the weed license yesterday because it expired last week. Yeah. And the guy took my blood pressure and I was in shock. Yeah. It was tremendous at 3.30 in the afternoon.

Usually by 3.30, my blood pressure is, eh. Yeah. It's up there. It was good. Oh, yeah. was like 140 over 80 oh wow which in my realm that's i walk around at 180 over fucking 180 wow you know it's like sometimes i walk into the doctors and like what the fuck have you been doing joey i've been doing nothing it's 8 30 in the morning and then he'll go give me 10 minutes and he'll come

back and it's normal okay i'm one of those guys but you know when i started doing this podcast the main thing about this podcast was telling people about what really went down like what went down with me you You know, and it's like, you got to remember. I was a guy that used to get up and go to the diner and put breakfast on the arm. Like, I would come to your restaurant. I'm going to call us, I'm going to buy breakfast. I'll be here by four to pay for it. You go, okay, Joey.

I wouldn't have a dime on me. Right. After that breakfast, that was my comfort for the day. Now you've got to go work, bitch. So now you've got to go walk around. Remember that time you went to buy drugs at that dude's house? He said he had a day job. Let's go over there and see he was at his house in the day time.

You know, that was your mentality. Right. And then I moved till I got in prison, then I came out and had a different mentality. Now I wasn't doing high-level shit. I was doing under-the-rater-type crimes. So even if I got in trouble, nobody got their feelings hurt. You know what I'm saying? Like it wouldn't really affect the status quo.

What does that mean? No one got their feelings hurt. Like, what kind of crimes are not big crimes? It's crimes that nobody is affected by. You walk into Kmart in 1994. You walk out with an apple. walk in there, you pick up a fucking $400 blanket, and you bring it up to customer

service, and go, my mother got me this for Christmas, but I have three of them. And they go, do you have a receipt? Not really, I got it for fucking Christmas. Right. And she would go, okay, it's $450. How do you want that? A check of cash. You know what? I'll take it in cash. Unless they're giving you $520 because there was tax.

So you would give you the tax back. Right. You know, I was doing stupid shit like that. Those are the moves, dude. Do you know what it's like to wake up in the morning? and take your kid to their care with your wife and giggle and talk to people like, hi, how are you knowing that I did time 20 years ago? You know what I'm saying?

Like, it's tough for me, me in that world. I never went to jail, but, you know, for a while there when I was younger, I sold Coke. And dude, just coming from where I come from and the school that my kid goes to and all the celebrities and stars and people that drop their kids off at the same time.

that I do. That shit's surreal, dude. That shit's crazy, bro. It just, dude, it's a whole different realm, brother. It's a whole different world. And I'm not, and I'm still not used to it. And I never will be. I just don't, I don't feel like I could ever be a part of that. And yet I am. And then part of me has to go, dude, chill out, relax. It's okay. You're okay. You're good. And then I kind of go, Okay, all right, all right, all right. I am good. I'm good. This is cool.

This is okay. These people are just people like me and I'm just like them and, you know, nobody's going to discover that I'm a fraud, that I belong here. And it's cool. It's tough, though, man. It's not easy. You still work every week like a savage. Every week, bro. Every weekend I can.

Yeah. But, I mean, I'm going to, look, I kind of stayed away from the comedy store. I stayed away from Hollywood for a while. and now it's like I'm getting back into it so I'll probably end up on a show you know within the next year so and then I won't tour as much

but I'll still work as hard I just won't be gone as much do you want to be back on the show I didn't want to until now now I feel like yeah I do but I felt like times kind of got away from me for a while

I just didn't have my pulse on where I needed it to be comedically and that's why I just kept trying to find it. I just kept trying to work at it. And recently, in the past years, I think I've found it like, I feel like, okay, America needs the kind of comedy that I do right now, the usurbit, the crazy, the political stuff, the ethnic stuff. I feel like that stuff right now is really important. And I don't know how many people are doing it on TV, but I know that it should be done. So I'm like, all right, I could, I could do a show about this stuff. work around it. So that's that's kind of what I'm working on right now. Now did you get a degree in

engineering or you got a study? A degree in electrical engineering. Never used it. Never used it. You would think about it. You ever go you know what fuck this shit? No, believe it or not, dude, I use it to write because comedy is what's wrong, right? Comedy is what's wrong. So we, as comedians go, look at this. This is broken. This ain't right. This is the way it should be. And so to me, when you take out all the emotion, those are mathematic equations. In my head, when I write, I don't initially create the joke. That's the emotion of the joke.

I create the president is the leader of America. He should be the smartest person in the world. And he's not. That's not right. So then I can then put stuff in backwards and go, this is why it's wrong. And this is the way it should be. And that to me is math. It's not comedy.

The comedy part comes in, am I going to do an impression of him? I'm going to do an impression of somebody else? Is there a person in this joke? Is there not? Is it an excited joke? Am I angry? Then I put the emotion in it.

Then it is it like a, wow, that guy. Or is it like, what the fuck? What energy comes into that bit? Then it begins to become an entire piece. But the beginning, bro, the colors. That's math, bro. To me, that's all math. It's nothing but math.

You know, you've been here for about a half hour, and I'm looking at you. Like I said, I've known you for a long time, you know. And I could see the change in you, like how you slowed down. I can see physically that you're a dad now. Yeah, not only am I dad, bro, but I mean... It's weird when you see someone, they go, I got eight kids. Right. But they look younger than you.

Right, right, right. Now I could tell you have the dad stuff. and it's just, it was good to see you. It was good to hear from you the whole thing. You know, I had run as easy on the show one day. Oh, nice, man. And when the show rapped at the end, we were talking, he said that you had tried to call him or called him or reached out.

And I was like, you know, no, that's the best thing, you know, whatever. He reached out. He said, hello, whatever. And then a month later, you reached out to me. It took me like a week to wrap that head around the whole situation. because when you called, you called offering something that a lot of people

never offer in their life. They never do. And I wouldn't do it either until I got locked up, call them. Right. It took me getting locked up to finally go to people and go, hey, bro, can I talk to you for a second?

That time I choked you. Right. I feel you, dude. I feel you, dude. I fucked up. I feel you, I fucked up. I'm fucked up. If there's anything I could do in the future to help you out,

you know, whatever. There's a dude I poked in the eye one time. because he kept arguing with me, bro. I had a fucking car dealership. He pissed me or so. And I was on probation. Dude, I'm laughing because I know how you feel.

I was on federal probation. This guy kept fucking with me about a restaurant. I kept going broke. I'm not going over it. I'm going here. And he got in my face. He was taller of me. He was tall.

And I was on probation. And he crowded my space. And I fucking stuck my finger in his fucking eyeball. And guess what? He showed him at my comedy show him. then the comedy works. Oh, no way. And he, before he could say to me, like,

I'm sorry about that dago dog, first off, I had no right touching you. Right. Like, no matter what the fuck you said to me. Right. And then after the show, we talked again, and he goes, I couldn't even fathom my head about what you said. Like, the day you contacted me, Carlos, it blew me away.

Oh, no, man. It blew me away because even what's going on in the news, everybody blames everybody else. Right. You know, and it drives me fucking crazy. And there's times that I see somebody doing it, and I go, you know what? And it wasn't until I took responsibilities, you know? Right.

And it was nice when you said, you were, I'm going to have a child. And I'm going to start coming around, and I just don't want no ill feelings in colors. I never had ill feelings for you. I swear to God. Oh, that wasn't it. Not at all. It was about me, though, dude. No, I know.

I know. You know what I mean? Because I, listen, man, we all grow. We all evolve. I was a young kid who discovered comedy when I started doing stand-up. I didn't have any idols. I didn't know what stand-up was. I just remember I would go to work at Farmers Insurance,

and I would tell these guys about stuff that I saw on the news that pissed me off that I thought was absurd. I wasn't trying to be funny. They were the ones that said, you should do stand-up. I didn't know what stand-up was. I started doing stand-up at that time. And I come from the projects. You know, it's funny when I hear people say, hey, man, you ever go back to the projects?

And I'm like, what do you mean? They're like, you know, back to your roots, back to your, back to those. And I say, look, I don't know about anybody else. But those people never supported me. When I told them I was going to do comedy, all I heard was like, you're fucking funny. Oh, whatever. There was never like, you know, until I started coming out on TV. Then they were like, hey, bro, you're from here and all that shit.

But before that, there was no support. It was like, you're stupid. You're dumb. You're not going to make it. What's wrong with you? Why are you standing? And I remember the first time I went to the comedy store. I walked off stage and somebody tapped another comedian and he goes, he was the Latino

comic quote unquote at the comedy store at that time. And he goes, dude, there's your replacement. And I was like, whoa, what the fuck? What is this? And I remember just going, you know what? I can't deal with all this stuff. I can't let this in my head. I need to, I can't give up being an engineer to do comedy and not make it work because this is my family depending on me.

I mean, I was the first one to really come out and be able to get a good job as an engineer. Do you have any idea? My family had an intervention for me when I started doing stand-up. I mean, they literally sat around and told me that I was. stupid and ruining my life. And so when I started going to the comedy store and there was all this back and forth and all these comics pickering, I said, you know what? I'm not going to get into this. I didn't drink.

I didn't smoke. I didn't hang out. I went in there. I did what I did. I left. But I needed to feel like, I remember walking offstage and going, man, I killed. And the older comics who knew how to kill, they look at me like, what is? What is up with this kid?

But for me, that was the best I'd ever done. And I had to look at it that way. I couldn't sit around and go, well, yeah, I got to grow. I had to be that guy to deal with everything that came at me at the time. And what ends up happening is, you know, after a while for me, after a minor Mncia, after all of it, going out on the road, I had to look back and go, all right, man. there are a lot of comics out there that don't like you a lot of comics you don't even know don't like you what is that all about and i had to go it's got to be something that i did that i said

that i it's got to be me it can't be all of these guys and um that's when i kind of started going okay how did i behave toward these people how did i behave toward those people and i had to say to myself, look, dude, you, you were a dick. You were, you were, you were, you were cocky as fuck, arrogant to others. And you went into the comedy store, granted, I grew up where other comics, when they made it, they would come and bump us and run the light. Paul Mooney always ran the light. And, you know, I felt like I earned it at that time and I wanted to do the same. But I came at a time of transition and I didn't pay attention to those around me. I didn't give a shit. You know, somebody would say, oh, you're going to

want me? I got shit to do or whatever. I mean, I think most of the time I would say okay, but other than that, I think a lot of those guys felt intimidated. And when they got a chance to shit on me, they did. And listen, bro, don't get me wrong. There were times where I had a gun in my hand and I was going to go to the comedy store and shoot some people. I mean, it was, we're dark, bro. There were dark moments. Like really dark. Suicidal.

Homicidal thoughts. It wasn't always pretty, bro. But I got to a place where I could say, you know what? I need to look at how I've treated people and talk to these guys and said it right because I don't want to step foot at the improv, the comedy store, whatever comedy club is, and feel that look that I felt for 10 or so years of like, oh, fuck, there's that guy. And I just don't want that anymore. I don't know how everybody's going to react that I talk to, but I'm calling everybody that I feel I did something to or might have done something to just say, hey, man, I'm sorry that I treat you do that way. You deserve more respect, regardless of, regardless of me having a TV show, and at the time, Stephen is he not having a TV show, I didn't have to bump them and, you know, go on 30 minutes longer than I should have. I did, but I didn't have to.

and now I look back at that and I go, okay, that's what you had to do. That's how you felt at the time. Good. Move on. Stay in your place. So that's where I'm at now. It's so weird how I saw the whole thing unfold. And it's so weird how when you called, I mentioned Amy Schumer to you.

And I said, you know, I'm sitting here. Amy Schumer released a special. special. Amy Schumer released something a year ago, and then she released something on TV. They attacked her. And then she released this last special. And I didn't, guys, I'm in my own world sometimes. I got the baby. Sure. I shot this thing for Animal Planet. You're on the road. You know. Yeah. And also one day I go to the comedy store about a month ago. And I go into the back. They have a back area outside. I haven't been. They have a bar. And they have a back area. outside. I had a wait. I don't want to sit in there because I got anxiety when I sit in the kitchen. Okay. You know, I look at the waitresses. They're 20 years old. I'm fucking 50. What am I doing here? What am I doing my life? Sure. So I go outside. I'm sitting out there, Carlos. And all of a sudden, these younger comics, which they knew me, I didn't know them. I can't lie to you. They're talking about Amy Schumer. Now she got a one rating, and now they're accusing her of this and they're

accusing her of that. And I sat there. And I didn't say two words, because I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. So I speak when you don't know what the phone. But I listened. Right. I knew that all their accusations were upon words. Like what this guy said this and this guy said that. And I didn't say a word.

I got on stage. I got my car. But on the way home, I said to me, I said to myself, one thing about life is that once you succeed in this game, they come out from all over. Right. They come from all over. I got, listen, I went to the store. You, you, this guy, Doug Stanhope, called,

and they told me you gotta wait six months. I got here, January 29th. I got to call February fucking 10th, telling me you got a showcase for Mitsichsia. I told me it was six months from now. We go, we had a fallout. I went there, I did three minutes. She told me, can you do 10?

Come back next week. Come back next week and do 10. I like Cuban people. Oh, that was she said? Yeah, she told me. Then the next week, she passed me February 19th on my birthday. And when I walked out, she goes, you were a regular now. I have an idea, well, dress you up like Fidel.

Oh, Jesus. And you go up on stage with a cigar. And I'm like, okay, I'm a tee, blah, blah, blah, blah. So now I moved down here with a bunch of dudes from Seattle. Right. I'm down here with Brody Stevens and Josh Wolf and fucking, brody, all these dudes. And they all come to the comedy store to see my debut at 1130. and I'm ready to go up.

I got my water bottle. I'm excited to go up there and bomb for 16 people. Sure. And I get a tap on the shoulder. There's my main man Eddie Griffin. Yeah. He goes, play. Let me hear.

I'm going to try this new bit and shit. I'll be up there for 15 minutes. Uh-huh. Dog, it was fucking one day in the morning. Sure. You know, did I come back the next day and kick him in the stomach? Guess what? I understood the rules.

But the rules changed, though. The rules changed. Well, the rules were bent and bent and bent and bent and bent until they just broke. Right. Until they just fucking broke. Exactly. The rules kept. Listen, I don't mind somebody coming in.

When I first got to the store, you weren't really there. But Gary Shanling was still coming in. Right. Andrew was still coming in. And you know what? Andrew bumped. Sure. Animalistically.

Everybody. Listen, here's a weird thing. And again, Like this sounds like an excuse to a lot of the young comics. This is the way it used to be. I never, ever, ever got on stage at the comedy store that I can ever remember on time, anytime after 9.30. And Mincey would always pull me on late because she didn't want me on early. So she would give me a 10.30 spot.

Dude, it was always 12. It was always somebody coming in. It was always, oh, Martin Lawrence is here? Oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah, Martin Lawrence is here? Oh, shit, you know what I mean? It was just, it was always somebody. There was always somebody.

And I never got mad because I didn't know the rules. And I was a young punk. So I was like, oh, is this how this shit is? Okay, fuck it. I worked at the store. So unlike most comics, I didn't give a shit. I'm working the door. So does it matter if I go on a 10 or 1 o'clock?

No, I don't care. It never bothered me. But it did burn a little hole inside of me that I said, you know what? when I get the chance, I'm going to do this shit too. And by the time I came around in, you know, 05, 06, when I really started hitting, these young comics were like, hey, whoa, whoa, you can't do that. I remember one comic who said, if he goes on before me, I'm not going to perform. And I was like, I don't give a shit. Don't fucking perform.

Because back in that time, I thought, dude, I never thought of not performing. I would never, ever think. Dude, if there were three people at the store and the manager was like, you got a spot, you want to go on? Yeah, I want to go on. There's only three people. I don't care. If I make them laugh, I know this stuff is good. But it was just a different time, bro.

And I just never adjusted. I never adjusted to the different time and the different people. I still remember, dog. This is the funniest callersman's the story ever. I'm at the store. I got a host that. Seven to ten. I'm hosting.

I used to usually host it. On Mondays? Sunday. On Sunday? It's a Sunday night. And I'm hosting the seven to ten. Mitzie's coming in. They had me from 10 to close, but Mitzie was coming in.

And she wanted me to host the showcases because I moved them right along. Right. So I get there. There's a bunch of cars in the main room. It's something about Christmas. Right. And you're in the main room. And it's Sanchez and Freddie Soto got a...

Oh, God. Rest the soul, man. Just a bunch of young Spanish guys. You know, I was hosting, nobody asked me, and say that, I didn't give a fuck. I go up there at 7 o'clock. Now, I'm hosting, and I'm walking back and forth. Right. So then towards 9 o'clock, it's the 10-minute spots.

Yeah. So I would have 10 minutes to walk to the bar. Sure. And I remember going to the bar one time and seeing all the young Spanish dudes huddled up. Yeah. Like, I'm now like, yeah, I'm going to go first, and then I'm going to go second. Right. Johnny Sanchez's going to go third.

Right. And you had just started the show. And they all ran in. They're like, he's only going to do 15 minutes. I'm going back and forth every 10 minutes. I'm going back and forth. Whoever was hosting at 10, didn't show up until like 10.30. I fucking get off the stage at 10.30.

I go back there to see who's on stage. You're still. It's still me, bro. On stage. Oh, my God. Now, I'm done for the night. I go get a package from the doorman. Right.

I start drinking a few cocktails. I walk around. I go to the bathroom. I do Coke. I mingle. I go back to about 11 o'clock. I'm still on. You're still on state.

And those poor little Latino boys were sitting there like, like, little poster boys and shit for the wall. Right. They're just laying there cracked. Right. Cracked. Like, they were cracked. Yeah. And I was like, I could understand.

But he was a. thing. Mitsy was there that night. I remember. Yes. Yes. And she told them don't give them the light. She told the guys to not give me the light. So after about 45 minutes and I looked and I realized

they weren't giving me the light, I said, fuck it. I'm just going to keep going. Oh my God. Because, well, here's the thing. And I realized this. Those dudes have Pete family in the audience. Oh, poor Pete. Poor guys. They were dressing their best suits and shit. They shine their shoes. They brought their grandmother in from

Mexico. And they're fucking, like, sitting there. Dude. It was, I can't even imagine the pain those poor guys went through. I can't even imagine. But here's the thing. Could you make their family laugh? Well, I was killing it.

But here's the point. At the time, I didn't drink. I didn't smoke. I didn't party. I didn't hang out. I did nothing, bro. All I had was the stage. The stage was my love.

The stage was my mistress. The stage was my lover. That was it. And I was always writing, creating, you know, because I had to do a new special. It was always about a new special. And it just never stopped in my head, bro. And I just was so, you know what it was? At a certain point, bro.

At a certain point, I started hearing a lot of noise coming in. You know what I mean? mean and I remember there was a point where I went. Fuck the noise. And I was like one of those horses, bro, with the blinders on him. All I could see, dude, is this. That was it. I couldn't see out there.

I couldn't see sides just forward. That's all I can see. And I wasn't bothered by going on long because I was like, do you know how many times this has been done to me? I just, uh, it was one of those, you know what it's like? It's like a dad who abuses his kid. And then you realize that he was abused as a kid. And to a certain point, you feel sorry for him. But at a certain point, go, you got to stop being your kid.

You got to grow up. You got to stop being that father. And that's the transition that I kind of had to make, which was, you know what? Just because it happened to you, it doesn't mean that it's okay to do it to these guys. It's a different time. It doesn't matter what you think. It doesn't matter. I can sit there and do jokes about it.

Millennials, you got your shit handed to you. You don't want to deal with the adversity. We had to deal with it. You deal with the two. I came in at a time when hazing was no good anymore. You know what I mean? I was one of the last fuckers that get hazed. And it was like, we were in that generation.

So what do you do? I kind of fucking went the opposite. And I realize now, like that story you're telling, bro. You know, to those comics there, if nothing else for that night. I owe Johnny, Johnny an apology for that. man you know you you really might have been there with your mom you really might have been there with somebody important you really might have told somebody hey this is fuck that you might have had somebody from CAA there or from APA or you know your first manager or agent because that was the main room and it's

packed and I'm going to do some time and I already had all of that and I went up there and you know it was funny for way longer than I had to be I could have been for 20 minutes and stepped off and didn't, had the same effect, and I didn't. And those are the moments that I look back at and go, all right, I can't take that back. But I do all those guys in apology. That was not fucking cool. And as funny as it can be. I was laughing.

It's 20 years ago. Listen, I got to be honest with you. I'm going to be as honest I can with you. Sure, man. God forbid tomorrow. Yeah. They put me on the hobo suck day. And I'm the host of Hobo Sucking Dick.

Sure. And it becomes the biggest show on Netflix. Sure. And I start selling fucking theaters out. By the way, I want to watch that show. Like, just get a bunch of hobo sucking dick is a great show. It's a pitch I've had in my mind for a few weeks now. Because it's the opposite of the chick in the van that goes bangs random guys.

I'm not even going to invite the networks onto this. I'm sitting on my old gold mind. Don't even think about it. I already got it listed at the writers guild before the strike. I ain't fucking. That's the name of the show. Hobo sucking dick You're driving a van

Disco style With a picture of Bert Reynolds in there And you pull them up and go Oh listen hobo how much to suck him though Anyway I laugh I could tell you look you in the face As a man and tell you

Eddie Griffith Bumped me 150 times He did the same to me bro And I could look you both guys in the face And tell you if I see Eddie Griffin today I give him a big hug. I didn't get mad about that at all.

I understood it. Right. I understood it. And I understood it from day one. Me, in my mind, I can never walk into a place and bump. I'm really happy that they took that out of the store just to smoothing things out with everybody. Yeah, I agree. I just said, you know, I think the improv, you can still walk in there and go, I'm going up and doing three hours and they'll let you.

You know how many fucking times. Damon Wayans. Bump me a new talent night at the improv. I mean, Lee, we barely got an open mic at the improv when I moved here. Barely. Wednesday, 10 o'clock, three comics. I always got on the list. And fucking nine weeks in the row,

Damon Wayans bumped me on fucking principal. So you learn the bump. I still remember... I was a regular at the store. I was a regular at the store since the day I came out of my mother's fucking pussy. Right. Me too, by the way. Let's be honest.

I was a regular at the store. And the way God wanted it was, I was going to go to the comedy store. Because even when I was eating dicks as a young comic, I was never a young comic. But people go to me to Mitchie Shore as a Missy Shore. But it is a, you were a young comic. You weren't a young man, but you were a young comic. People would go to me as Mitchie Shore seen you yet. And I would go, no, I'm not ready.

So when I walked in there, I got in and I got in on a good time and the whole fucking deal. You know what? I'm too high. I forgot what I was going to tell you. What was they talking about that? We're talking about something. When you were a young comedy, sir, you were a young comedy. You were always born to be in the comedy store? I was always born to be at the fucking comedy store. And I learned a lot about comedy at the comedy store. And I learned a lot about life.

Me too. When I was in prison, I didn't think about comedy. But one day, I'm the fucking, the library, the fucking librarian gave me this book. He goes, read this. It's Lenny Bruce's book. Right. This is when he told me, you've got to get on stage, you're funny, whatever. He gave me.

And I read the book, and I believed in something, Carlos. After I read that book, I go, you know what? I may not be in the mafia, but I want to get into this comedy mafia. Right. I want to shoot heroin. And I want to hang out with strippers at night in New York City. I mean, this is what I want to do. You know, I feel you.

This is what I want to do. I'm okay with that. You know what if we do heroin, we do heroin, we do heroin. Right. If we do meth, we do meth, but as long as I get to eat that chick's pussy, that's what I thought comedy was. But I also read those things And there was a lot of bond

Between those guys Yeah So when I got into comedy I really believed in that bond When I was in the open mic scene in Seattle We had that bond You know, we'd do shows And split 70% of the door

And all of us would go eat cheeseburgers Sure And then when you move to L.A. You still think you have that bond And boom, one damn irregular at the store Now I'm part of the motherfucking Marines Right. Now I'm part of the motherfucking Marines.

But at the same time, you got to look behind the curtain at the store. Right. You got to look at behind the curtain, and you've got to look, and it's a fucking hard reality at the store. Even if you get four spots a week and you look behind the curtain and you start to see how the business works, it's very hard to handle when you're not successful. Right. I can't imagine how fast it was coming at you. You got on stage in 88 and in 92, you're already on TV. TV in LA, whether it was LA.

Whether it was L.A. Whether it was L.A. or Scandinavia. 91, dude. In 91, I won Star Search in Spanish. So I'd been doing comedy for like two years, bro, when I want Star Search in Spanish on Univision. So by the time 92 came around and we did comedy compadres, dude, that was already, I had already done TV. I'd have been on it, not, you know, and I had to do the shows in Spanish because it was for Spanish television.

But so, dude, I got in quick, man, and I started, you know, doing stuff really quickly. So my TV queue, so to speak, here was big right away, man. It was big right away. You know, I pretty much could do anything at the comedy store for, for, for, for, for, for, for, a long time for a long time and then I just kind of realized like you know I I guess I just pushed enough people's away that there just came a time where I showed up and I just did not feel it didn't feel like home bro it felt dude I felt like I felt like I was going to that fucking aunt's house who hates the fuck out of you and your family and is going to talk shit about your

dad and how your mom shouldn't was better than your father and all that kind of stuff that's what it felt it just felt it just felt horrible man and and and i want and i and i went for a few months feeling that way thinking that it would change and oh it just didn't and then i said but i don't know about seven 10 seven years ago i slowly stopped going bro and i haven't been in i don't know how long hold that thought let me give some shoutouts to middle he has there's no fucking misunderstandings I bought a shout out to my man Corey Hanna Klan Stonewell

Robert Santoya Corey Keen Brian Fodorco Carl Mann Dom De Niro Covergeist and Umberto Grand 2

How you like that motherfucker you know what I'm saying Who are these people bro Just people who follow the fucking podcast Oh that's nice man They say nice things They're having a bad day Whatever no forget

I'm at wise guys next week in Utah, and then 512, I'm in Milwaukee at some fucking theater. I don't know where it is. And then Detroit sold out. I don't know. The magic cat, the magic bag. The magic castle? No, it's not the magic fucking castle.

The comedy castle? I got a magician who's trying to kill me. Isn't it the comedy castle? Is that it? No, no, no. It's the magic bag or the magic hat. Oh, okay. It's just a small theater.

Dude, you're going to love Utah, bro. They moved. Yeah, yeah. Have you been in the new one? No, no, not yet. Oh, so. The new one is, dude,

I don't know what street it's on, but if you end up taking your GPS, you're going to go through where all, there's one street where all the homeless people live, and then two blocks down is this, it's pretty nice inside it. And the comedy, the comedy club is inside like a mall.

It's really, but it's really nice now. It's really, really nice. It's not the same old place where it used to be. Maybe I should take my special hobo suck dick while I'm there. Oh, dude. You know what I'm saying?

That should have worked there. And the Mormon state. That should work. there. You know, Carlos, it's weird. Well, when I got to the comedy store, like I was saying, I felt like I was a Marine of comedy. Right. Even though I sucked,

even though I got 1155 spots. Dude, I got 12 spots for years. And I had to follow Mooney and the whole fucking deal. It's still, I belong to something. Yeah. I belonged to something that was cool, you know? That's how I felt. And I remember, I don't remember the date, Carlos.

But you went up there. You would go up there, and everybody's feathers were ruffle. Right. You know, I mean, it was, and you knew it, you felt it. Yeah. And then by that point, I could tell in your face that you were like, listen, you're

going to hate me anyway. Yeah, it was. I could tell you, bro, I've been there. I've been there. I've been there. So I understood that. And I also, by, I started at the store in 98, and it was, I would live and die for the store.

Me too. Okay. And then, by 2005, was when I felt a shift. changing. I felt something weird at the store. I remember getting surgery. You know, I'm Spanish, bro. I'm from a Catholic country. I'm superstitious and voodoo. And I'll never forget, like 2005. Are you Santero from? Yeah. Oh, 50 years, but I remember 2005, I got a ball taken out of my neck. Remember I had a fat ball? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Lee, it would just swell up. Well, I took the fat ball out. They had to break my shoulder to take the ball out. They had to

take the ball out. I never forget that. The doctor said, do you want to look at the fucking ball? And the first thing happened when I looked at, Carlos, the first thing I thought it was the comedy store. Oh, shit.

And I remember going home with that feeling and going, it's time for me to take a breathing. And I know, this is my logic. If I started in Michigan at the Magic Castle, at the castle in Dearborn, whatever fuck it is, you're an MC for two, three years.

Sure. You become a feel. for two or three years. And for a year, you're kicking ass or like your headline on New Year's Day, Thanksgiving Day. After a year, if the club manager is a good guy, he's going to come up to you and go, listen, call us, I love you to that. You can get out of here. You can stay here. You've got to get out of here.

But if you look at the watch and you really, really want to be prepared and come out here and not suffer, it should be like at the six or seven year mark. Yeah. And that's what I tell you. And that's where I was. at the comedy store. Because you came when you were funny. I was just starting to feel my way. I was doing currently six years.

No, but you were funny. I wasn't ready at all. There was people who were headlining. The first two years of comedy... I didn't think so. I thought you were ready when you first showed up at the comedy store. I thought you were wrong.

Remember when you have 30 minutes and then you move and you have 18? Once I left Seattle. I went from having 30 minutes to fucking 18. Yeah. But it was so weird that after I saw that ball, I said, I got to watch the store. Yeah. That's it.

I felt it was cancerous? It was. No, it wasn't cancerous. It was not that. No, no, no. No, no, no, not at all. I just felt in a way that that was it. I overstayed my welcome.

Okay. That's how I felt. Okay. And I'll never forget that one night. We're just going to say different words here. Okay. At the time, the club manager came out to me one night. A friend of mine was on tour with some other people.

And he came outside to me. And he goes, listen, I just want to give you a message that when I saw the whole hand unfold, Carlos. They came to me and they go, when your friend comes back, tell him there's no more 40-minute spots on Friday. And I looked at him and I go, why don't you guys tell him when he comes back? What are you fucking telling me for? Right. And I told my friend, he giggled it off. And then maybe two months later, I get a call from the same manager at the company still.

And he goes, I just want to throw something at you. He goes, the other night, such and such was on stage. And Carlos came in and bumped him. I don't think it's right. What do you think? and I go, is such and such on the TV show? He goes, no.

I go, even Mitzi's rule is, he's not on the TV show. Carlos is a TV show. Carlos Bumps him. And he goes, well, I disagree with you. What they were trying to do was get a message sent from me. Sure.

And I rejected them at the gate. Right. I rejected them. This is a true story, Carlos. But I knew, now I knew shit was brewing. In all different directions. Yeah, it was.

Just not at once. And all of a sudden, Carlos. And I was telling this to Willie Buzz Center. Yeah, I was talking over the end. One day, I'm sitting there watching the Super Bowl minding my own business. And the Super Bowl just starts, two or three minutes in, who's coming on TV, but Carlos men see it. And I sit there, Carlos, and I swear to God, for 10 seconds, I was happy for you. Yeah.

And for 50 seconds, I felt bad for you. Right. I said, this is the beginning of the end. They're all coming out. That's it. That's it. They're throwing darts at them right now. Well, the difference was this, is that normally that happens, right? That happens. But normally those people have friends. They have, you know, people that like them. They have, you know, a good... Dude, I became beyond toxic. I mean, there was a point in time in comedy where if you said, I like Carlos at a comedy club, 10 comedians would come around and fucking tell.

you that you are true you ain't shit no fuck you you don't know that guy it was it was it was beyond anything any any any comics has ever has ever dealt with from that perspective but again i got to look back and go those people didn't like me because i did something to them i bumped them i went along before um i did both whatever the fuck it was those guys were mad they they felt anger And you can't tell somebody in life, you can't be hurt. It's like when my son's 10 and he does or says something, I can't tell him your feelings aren't real. I can't tell him. Yeah, because I don't want to do what my dad did and say, you know, you don't have good enough reason to cry.

My son's crying, he's crying. That means he's hurt. So what do you hurt about? You know, I can't, I don't demean why they're, why he is hurting. So I just kind of had to say to myself, dude. it's you created this you know for all the reasons that I know I didn't hang out I didn't drink

I didn't party I didn't commute I didn't have a lot of friends in that respect I did my time I got the fuck out but I could sit there and go yeah you know what what I got was undeserved it was a hate on a level that was just fucking it was like a machine it wasn't just random people not liking me

it was random people not liking me and then coming together and then just a machine going after me. And, you know, you would go on a podcast of anybody's podcast at the time. And it was like, dude, you didn't open for that guy. And if you did, you better tell stories about him being a dick. And it just, for a while, it was like, whoa, fuck, I don't deserve this shit.

I've helped Freddie Soto. I brought him on the road for three years when he wasn't a comedian and he was trying to be funny. I helped him. I put him on a TV show called The Three Amigos. I put him on a tour called Three Amigos. I helped, you know, Pablo Francisco. And when he was doing all the crazy stuff, I was the one saying, hey, come hang out with me, dude.

Let's not, you don't have to do that crazy shit. And on and on and on. Listen, bro, a lot of comics I'm sitting in that chat. Yeah. Three or four of them and a lot of, and said that you were always very generous and very good. Bobby Lee to Steve by the ZZZ. That's one thing that they were.

always said and they had whatever whatever happened you know what man but that's my point and I it I had to deal with all that stuff and I had to go to therapy bro and you know what I mean deal with my issues do with their issues and accept and I'm at the place today where I could say I can honestly say barring a few few people that you know I really treated shitty um I I don't believe that I deserved all that craziness that came my way But that being said, I forgive them, man. I forgive them because they were hurt and they were hurt and they got even and that was a way of getting even. And that's what happens, bro.

That's life. When we get poked at, we want to poke back and they poke back. And they poked as hard as they can and they poked where it could hurt the most in my comedy career and the integrity of what I do. And, you know, it had its effect. And now I think it's time, you know, for me to kind of just let everybody know. Like I said, for those who I need to apologize to, I'm going to apologize. And for those who I need to forgive, they've already forgiven. It's I'm moved on.

The two-way fucking street. Right. You know, it's funny, Carlos, because I apologize to the guy kidnapped on this podcast. I haunted him for three years on social media, not embarrassing way. but I hunted them down because I really wanted them to know that it was a bad day. Sure. You know, if I would have kidnapped people,

which I'd kidnap like two people after that, but nobody found out. At least you didn't burn them with a crack fight, bro. I did two or three drug rips after that, but my point being that people are going to open up this podcast tomorrow and they're going to go, Joey, what the fuck? You had Carlos on. And I got to be honest with you.

I know you for 24 years. And a lot of people forgive me in my life. I was not really mad at you at all for no reason. It was just a part of life. It was just a part of comedy at that point. Sure. But now that you made the call, I had to give you the respect.

And I wanted the people to know how I felt. That I'm really happy that you made the call. I'm really happy that you're going to reach out to other people and make calls and continue. you have no beef with me. You know, I love you to death. I never did. I just know, I just know that you were one of those guys that I bumped more than one time. No.

When you, I did, bro. You might not remember, bro. Yeah. And you might not give a shit about it, but I remember that. I, I did. I remember one time when, uh, you were talking to dice backstage and you guys were going back and forth. and I believe Eleanor might have been there talking to you guys and you guys were all talking together

and you had a spot and I went on for like an hour and when I got off when I walked off stage you you said something in Spanish on the way up jokingly but I'll never forget it because it was funny and you didn't give a shit but at the same time today I look at it and go fuck man that guy went on an hour late and then said you said something like oh you finally got to

eat all right let me go show thee I think you said like oh you got off coming my Mirda well for let me show these words a fucking Cuban could do and then you went on stage and you did your thing and you didn't give a shit but I look back at moments like that

and I go you know I wasn't I wasn't working on a special bro I was you know what I'm saying I wasn't working on shit I was just going on long When I left North Bergen, I had like three friends, bro, that when I would disappear for a month or six months, when I come back, they go, Jesus Christ, Joey, go, go.

Bro, what did you do? What did you do? People come looking for you at the bar every night. I got people calling the funeral parlor. You know, I had friends that would tell me this shit. And call us for a while, that's how it was. Like, every four conversations was something to do with call us. I know.

And I would go, listen, guys, either fucking do something or shut the fuck up already. Right. Shut the fuck out. But, bro. It was cool to hate me, though. It was the thing to not like me, bro. You remember those days. It was, uh, and it was everywhere.

It was everywhere. Dude, comedians that had been doing comedy for a year would be like, let me tell you that motherfucker. I was like, who the fuck are you? It was, it did. It was bad. And here was the worst part, bro. Here's the worst part about it all Dude, whenever anybody had a problem with me that I knew about

I would always confront him Even back in those days I would walk up to Eddie and go, hey Eddie I heard you said this Not me Hey Mooney I heard that this so said No oh brother brother I never said that Oh never never said that You know I was the one that was always going

You know hey bro what's going on I got I almost got in a fight sometimes because of that one of them was with Lopez because he was across I was eating at the gaucho grill which used to be that Argentinian restaurant right across the street from the Laugh Factory back in the day so I used to go there and then I saw on the marquee you know Lopez so I went across the street and I'm like hey George you know we don't have to be enemies bro I did your comedy I respect you and he got he got upset and you know nothing happened but you know even that moment was me trying to address an issue you know it was always me trying how was your relationship with him today you know what um like we're good man i haven't talked to him in a while but you know i i i with him the truth is is that he'd been doing comedy much longer than me and i never showed him the respect as a comic you know what i mean i was the backup poor quarterback pretending you know acting like i could take over this team basically you with the whole latinian

you know, thing. And, you know, I just, I just have given him the credit that he deserves for all the stuff, not ever since, but even way before. I'm not talking about even when he did the George Lopez show before that. Him and Paul, I mean, you know, dude, they were, they were the godfathers of Latino comedy, you know, Paul, Paul put me on his TV show in Spanish when he had the show of Paul Rodriguez on Univision. I mean, he was, dude, he was part of me ending up at HBO. He was an executive producer on local slam so he was you know he was a guy that that that helped me out and George was a guy that paved the way for a lot of us and you know when at the time blinders moving forward I got talent I got to do my stuff I didn't I didn't really have the patience in time

to properly thank those guys the way they needed to be thanked and even though I did thank him, it wasn't the same. The attitude wasn't to say, you know what I'm saying? There's a difference between. I love you and I love you. You're thinking of reaching out to him today. Oh yeah, of course, man. Paul, I talked to you.

Yeah, of course. George, yeah, I put word out to him. Yeah, I mean, look, dude, I here's the beauty of me. You could go online right now and Google my name. And you can find an article upon article, people upon people that say bad things about me. the one thing that I pride myself on, bro, to this day, as God is my witness, I don't say bad things about other comics. That was the one thing that I said to myself, you know what? I have not been a pure comic.

I have not been a good Christian. I've not been a good Catholic. I've not been all that kind of stuff. But this is one thing I will not do. I will not engage with all these people and say bad things about them. because I know there's going to be tomorrow. I know it. And I know that there's going to be a day when I want to look them in the eye and say,

I never said anything bad about you. So I didn't. And I haven't. So I got no problems with nobody today, bro. Anybody comes up to me, they want to, you know, talk and be friends or whatever. I'm down, man. I always have been. So today, today, that's where I'm at.

And I'm proud and lucky that, you know, through the moments when I, like I said, I had a 9mm my hand and I thought maybe I just shoot myself or go to the comedy store and shoot some comics. Those minutes, those seconds that that happened in my head, I'm glad that I didn't go online and say, I wasn't on the radio, the thousands of times that I've been baited and say, Hey, what do you think about this comic? I don't go there, brother. because I did this on my own and I'm glad that I got out of it. And I'm in a good place.

And I have integrity. And that means something to me. I put you on the show because I like what you're doing. And I respect what you're doing as a man. And I hope that you keep going. I hope that you reach out to everybody at least one time and say, amen. Of course, brother. If I ever did something, I just, I want to do business here.

The same way you did it to me. That was, it meant the world because a lot of people walk around confused and they don't know, especially as Spanish do it, to come to terms and call you up and say thank you. And it meant the world of me, Carlos. Right. So anytime you want to come on, bro, you're more than welcome. Anytime, brother. I'm happy you came on, you know, and I wanted just to put you out to let people know, bro.

that we're all about second chances, man. This is all about fucking second chance of scholars. Life is too fucking one. We're talking about being 50. How are you looking? You're 49, now. 49, bro.

You're going to be 50 in that morning. You're going to wake up and go, here we go. Yeah. This is it. So, bro, I know exactly how you feel. So, uh, thank you. You're welcome, man. I'm fucking apologizing.

Thank you for taking care of yourself. And, uh, thank you. Are you still in therapy? Oh, yeah. Yeah, still. Once a week. Good for you. I'm up once every other week now, but still, yeah.

Fine-tuning all the time. You know, and... You got to look within, bro. The answer's always within. The answers are rarely outside, where the answers are almost always, if not always, inside of you. The cures, the diseases. It's all inside of you. You know, like, I could have been a different comic when I was younger, befriended people,

and all that would have been different. you're talking about Amy Schumer. Amy Schumer gets accused and a lot of people still defend her because she has friends, because she has connections, because she has people that go, you know, man, that's not the kind of person that she is. You know what I mean? I like that because that's what I cultivated, you know? I cultivated.

It's what you said. I'm on stage going, you're going to fucking hate me anyway. Oh, well, I'm going to do what I'm going to do then, you know? No, but there was a time when I saw you, you know what I mean? And I knew exactly where you were coming from. Right. Because I've been there. When I lived in Jersey, they hated me anyway.

I might as well keep robbing you. I might as well keep robbing you. Thank you again for coming on, brother. I love you, call. Appreciate it, brother. Let's get the fuck out of you. At least I am. Don't forget, I'm going to be a wise guy's comedy in Salt Lake City,

the 5th and 6th next Friday and Saturday. Then the week after, I'm going to be in Milwaukee at a theater. Go to Joey Dears.net and click on to Milwaukee, and they'll tell you all the details. the ticket prices and all that. It's cheap. It's going to be a great show. It's myself and Matt Fultron.

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Go to joeydeers.net for the tour of information. I'm coming to your town. Stay black.