The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #477 - Steve Rannazzisi

Episode Date: May 2, 2017

Steve Rannazzisi, Comedian, actor and host of the "Hear Me This Book" podcast,   joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order of portable devices that spray your butt with water.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 05/01/2017.
  

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Monday, May 1st. Who do you think you're dealing with guys? It's professional music right here. This is the shit. Gick that meal, Lee. It's Monday, cock sucker. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go, Coxuckers.

The church of what's happening now. Monday, May 1st, coming at you. Oh, shit. Here we go. Always in jeopardy, coxsuffers. Oh, shit. It's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive. And you're making it happen.

Welcome to the church of what's happening now. Uncle Joey, Steve Renazizi, and my main little fucking Goomba, Lee Syatt, as usual, was a beautiful, weekend here in Southern California. Where were you? I was in Columbus, Ohio this weekend. Nice. How was the weather? Rainy. A little rainy, a little humid. You need a little rain in your life. Yeah, just a little bit. Lee Syatt, how was your weekend, Tarzan? My weekend, I was boring. I went to the ice house, which was great. Saturday night, we had a good time, 8 o'clock show. Eight o'clock show. And other than that,

I just kind of relax. Yeah. I didn't do lunch. Yeah, the Celtics. I miss that stuff. I love, I I just like, when I'm watching, because I don't know any of the players anymore on the Celtics, I know maybe two or three of them. I just like watching, like, the fans. Because it just reminds me of going there as a kid. They're good. And they got a good story this year. That kid, you know, lost his sister. Right.

So everyone's sort of, you know, on their bandwagon. They're good, but they're... They're sneaky good. And I don't know anything about basketball, but I liked a few, like seven years ago when they won because it seemed like they were doing like... KD was doing short shots, like maybe layups and some dunks, and Paul Pierce or Ray Allen would shoot a three. Everyone on the Celtics team is shooting nothing but three. Yeah, they're all in on that.

That's their game plan. It bums me. I mean, it's great when you win, but it's... That's a new philosophy in the NBA, but... How crazy is I don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about. Like, I don't even... Just shooting three points. Just banging them out there.

I haven't watched basketball or the playoffs at all. Like somebody just told me when I'll be in Utah, Golden State's going to be in town. They got Utah on Thursday or Saturday. out of this shit. They're playing each other. I haven't even watched the playoffs. I think I watched Alonzo Bowden was on here,

talking about the fucking clippers. I don't watch them. They're just a nightmare of watch. Yeah, they just lost to Utah. So now that's why Utah moved on. They're just a fucking nightmare of loss. Everything tightens up a little bit in the playoffs the further you get, so those threes aren't as open as much.

So the better defensive, better, better team usually ends up winning. But before we get this podcast start, I want to talk about something from last week. You know, we had Carlos. Seon. Why? He called. He called. He apologized. He talked like a man. I could have had him on the show and asked him about this or asked him about that or asked him about this. We all know what had been the result. We all heard the story already. I didn't want to take the horse there. I wanted to take the horse down a different path. He told you what he felt. You saw where his head was. And that's when we started the show, that's what the show was about. It was about second fucking chances. Who gives a fuck? Just keep moving with your life. somebody apologized. He called you also, right?

No, he didn't call me. I thought he called Redizzer. No. He called you or something. No? He called a couple guys and apologized for his behavior at the store and stuff like that, you know?

So I took it as a nice little... Hey, you know what? Look, as someone who's made mistakes, I can't. What am I going to do? You know? I'm one of those people, man, that if it wasn't for...

Like I told Joe, two days later, I go, you know, how many people are giving me fucking chance? Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm here because of chances. I'm not here because I'm lucky. Or because I outwitted somebody.

I'm here because somebody turned an eye, and I said, I'm not going to do that again. And eventually, after 200 of those, you get stronger and fucking stronger. You know what I'm saying? This was a community project with me, but it's just weird how some people do fucked up shit in the country and for three years.

Like, I never saw the guy from Seinfeld again. I really got Rich Michael Richards Yeah he threw the tirade At the laugh factory Like I never saw him again Well some people I don't know if stand-up is as important

As some people to continue to do it After you've made In a public thing You know, And I'm not putting any I don't know how important it is to him But you know what I'm saying Like maybe it's

He's probably done other things But maybe going on stage Stand-up-wise Is not something he does Anymore You know I don't know But

You know If that's what you do Then you just, that's, what are you going to not do what you do anymore? No, I know. Listen, man, it's just, uh, I remember one day somebody getting criticized for having the Tiger Wood hat on, like in the media. Uh-huh. Somebody said, you know, how can you trust somebody who backs Tiger Woods?

Tiger Woods was fucking a kid when all that shit went down. You can't judge a man's life by the actions he does when we're fucking kids, when we're 25, 30. when you're you know I was watching a pilot today and I'm starting to talk about it on stage how 50 is a fucked up age to you right as easy 40 and 50 it's a big difference yeah I turned 40 this year

yeah you're running on fumes a month and a half you're running on fumes and the beauty is you know it at 40 you're running on fumes yeah I am kind of know it and you kind of know it and you kind of feel it and you're you think you're gonna stumble onto something that'll take you to the next level but at 50 you see that the 20s was just a big mistake like the 20s is just a mistake

Doug mistake how mistake in the sense that you did every dumb choice you could possibly make they give us all this freedom between the ages of 17 and 20 and we're fucking morons 80 but I would argue the fact that what if you made every single fucking right choice and that your 20s right and you're 50s and you're going I and you could be making every poor choice then because you never fucking made all those dumb mistakes. Well, that happens also. That happens also. Okay, you're born, your parents own a construction company, billions of dollars.

You know what? You work 10 hours a week. They give you a Mercedes-Benz. They're not doing you no favors. You went around the world. You never even had a splinter in your fucking hand. Your brothers were over there fucking slaving in the fucking things, sending out wood, building fucking buildings, you know.

And you know what? Man, when you're 38, something happens that one of your brothers has a gambling problem, and you didn't know about it. And also, when they come and shut the fucking thing. So your bandwagon is done. You got to build something now. Now you have to do something with your fucking life. And now you've never done anything.

You've never done anything. You have no life experiences but going to parties. Yeah. How to make a margarita. No people skills. No. And that's when your life tightens. because those people from the party world,

they're just as worthless as you all. So there's no help there. No, you do. So that's your first fucking blow that your friends, these friends you had over the years that you thought, when you had a pound of blow, 20 people will call you. It doesn't take much. You want 20 people call you?

I'll give me an ounce of blow and put it on Twitter. I get people coming to the house with limos. You're the best guy they ever met. They love Jews. You know. Yeah. They love whatever you want to love. It's just fucking weird how.

Yeah. And now I see how from being here for 20 years, you start to see things. And you start to see patterns. Like a young guy with a big ego, I don't even pay attention because I see the crash coming. I see the wall about to hit him. You don't even have anything. Some young actors catch in your face and calls you a bunch of names, you just giggle and you go, give it time. Within three years, something will have.

Even Britney Spears. We all saw what happened with Britney Spears. For six years, Britney Spears couldn't cross the street without getting in trouble or getting tortured. She made it all go away. Think about Britney Spears. She made it all go away. She didn't pay nobody off.

She just disappeared. Yeah. She just got away from them. They couldn't. They didn't give a fuck. She's still irrelevant. You want to check Forbes and see what she made last year? Oh, yeah.

She's a Vegas show. Yeah, she's a Vegas show. I don't think she's a relevant. No, I'm saying she's still relevant. Oh, yeah. She's still relevant, bitch. you know. Oh.

Check her fucking pay, her little paycheck. She probably gets $100 million a year. And she's quitting. This is her last year. Well, she's probably turning, what is she? I would say,

32, 34? No, she's old than that. Five? I mean, I'm turning 40 and I feel like

she was a kid at some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 36 maybe. Britney Spears probably 36. Yeah, 36. So maybe,

you know, she's, they never retired. Oh, yeah. She's turning 36 in December. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with some novice and shit?

Come on, man. Come on. We were talking, I think it was Guns and Roses, made $210 million from April to April. They did that tour. Just from touring. That's crazy. Listen, man, $50.60. I went to ACDC with Triply at Dodger Stadium on a fucking Monday sold out.

$51 was the cheapest ticket I heard anyone say that they had. Sold out. And they were doing, you know, a hundred shows a year. You got to have a $51 fucking dollars for the cheapest. ticket. For the cheapest one on a Monday. Okay, so they go up to, I don't know how many seats are Dodgers stayed in those field tickets.

They don't make money selling music anymore. No, they got a tour. So they got to bang you out the gate like fucking animals to keep it together, you know? 56,000 for a baseball game, so I don't know what it holds for. So it's probably 40 with all

the equipment and everything. But think about this though. It's like, you think those guys want to still be out there fucking, I mean, I know that they do and they here's the show, and we all agreed. It was unbelievable, but it was like, one, two, like they would sing Thunderstruck, and then it would take like a 15-minute break. And then you would hear like, do, do, do, and then the explosion. And then the next song. So it was like 10 songs with like 10 minutes in

between. It wasn't like they were pounded them out. So you could tell they're tired. Well, what would they do in between songs? Like rest or, you know, drink water, catch their fucking breath. They're, you know, in their late 60s. are they easy d'e yeah look up what uh what's his name is he's got to be um angus young

is probably 57 right now i would argue he's in he's 60 to type in angus young see how old angus young is the fucking singer yeah he's 10,000 Brian Johnson that's why he threw him his ass out all right that's why he threw his ass out

but i mean he placed him with you saw him with axel row he's 62 62 60 fucking two yeah you think he wants to be out there every fucking night? And he does. Yes. But it's like, I don't know. The record label called them.

I think if you, it would be great if they could do an album a year and then that made 10 million and then they didn't have to go on the road. They could do, you know, 30 great shows and cities across the world. They know it as much as you know it. You don't want to hear fucking dick new. No. You don't want to hear Dick new when you go see ACD. ACDC has five albums with the original singer,

and then like eight more with Brian Johnson. I'm just saying, I have no idea. They have a repertoire that's fucking huge. You know, they know if they go into the studio for four years or two years and buy material and rehearse it, the records they're going to sell, you know, they could just make compilations and live albums. And that's how good they are.

Yeah. The bands like that of that caliber can still do. do a live album. They've done it. They've been around. Do I've seen ACDC in 19, fucking 80. What does that tell you? That's how long ago? 1980, 90, 2000, 2010.

That's 37 fucking years ago. Oh yeah. They're iconic. It was the summer of 79, I saw him with Ted Nugent at the Garden. They were opening up for Ted on the highway to hell tour, opening up one of the hottest albums in the country, and they were opening up for

Madison Square Garden. August 4th, 177. Fucking 9. This is how deep my Jimmy rolls. And you know what? I went there with this girl. I was not dating her. I just asked her at a party if she wanted to go to see ACDC.

And she said, yeah, and I got the tickets for like $12. $12. Fuck. You know, red sick tickets. That's like, that's, I mean, can you, it's still Citi New York, right? It's still like, blah, blah. You know, like, fucking, you know, not clean. where people

time square This is 1979 This is 70s New York This is drugs on the walk Yeah Yeah you could get high This is something that

If I could have a chronological On a film Like just to walk Like what you had to do Like what did Steve Redizzi and Coco do On the walk from your place To the guard

Like the whole thing You would meet me At my house Under the North Bergen, New Jersey On the bottom of 39th Street Okay Okay. So my mom would be gone.

In those days, you come over, and I'd take a Heineken from my mom, and we'd split it. I'd already have 20 joints rolled. Pre-rolled. We already had tickets in our thing, and we maybe had T.A. Crystal, I'm not sure. So what we did was we just, we walked to the park to see if we'd get it right up the hill. If somebody gave us a right up to hill, we gave them a joint. The hill, I'll show you, when I go home, you know the hill I'm talking about for me. the cemetery all the way up to Kennedy Boulevard.

You got to go past the crazy guy we talked with the Chinese store. The Chinese store, that hill right there. 45 degree hill. Oh, this is brutal. This is fucking brutal. But if there's nobody at the park, we're fucked. Now we've got to walk up. Now we've got to walk up to by the Chinese store, and that's where we first get our first drink of water.

And then we walk up to Kennedy Boulevard. And on Kennedy Boulevard, by the university, there'll always be three or four guys hanging outside. we'd go up to them and go, dog, go inside and get me a beer. And that was, like, that's what we lived, dog. How old were you for this? Let's say I was freshmen going into sophomore a year in high school. We would stop at the university and...

I was two years old in 1990. Two guys were giving us beers. Two guys would give us beers. And then we drink those beers walking to the bus. That was another three-quarter mile walk. And there was a hot dog stand before the bus. You got yourself a sabbat hot dog for dinner. So you had something in your stomach so you wouldn't puke.

Follow him saying to you? Fuck, yeah. You don't know where you're going to eat for the rest of the night, but you know you got something right now. And then you ran to that fucking bus because every two minutes there's a bus to New York City. That's the last stop before the bus is going to New York City. So it's buses from down the shore to go into New York City.

You're on a bus, whatever. And you get on that bus. And all of a sudden, you hear ACDC music. You see somebody in the back. Because, you know, they're going, too. They're fucking going. So now you've... Comratery.

You just felt this. Even though you didn't know them, you looked at them for a while. You can hear through their little fuzzy headphones. Not even. This was... This was... Oh, seven. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This was the highway to hell. And that's the only song you heard. And then you got off at Port Authority. You walked downstairs. You walked outside. And from the minute you hit 40 Second Street, whatever the fuck that is. And Times Square right there,

like the block away, you would hear. a mild ACDC and you would walk those six or eight blocks to the garden with people running past you going we're going to see fucking Angus and you're like wow look at New York fucking city you know they were ready the closer you get to this garden like we'd be walking on the side with the post office across the garden is the world's whatever yeah that that on the eighth avenue side right and we'd walk up and there'd be You know, hundreds of people outside with no tickets, no money to go in, just partying.

Yep. Just playing the vibe. That can't happen today even if you wanted to. I mean, people would fucking ghetto blasters on the street drinking, smoking pot. I was going to say, the drunk 14-year-olds. How many cops are around? Like, what is the police presence at something like that? Four at the door.

Four at the door. So if you don't come fuck with the door, they ain't going to fuck with you. If you're not, if you don't like, if you don't have like a joint, you slam it to the door and you're like, yeah. They'll be like, gay man, get the fuck out. No, no, no, no, no. There's four guys at the door. But if you're 10 people deep towards the street, you just kind of party and chilled. As soon as you walked in, you went to your seats, the warm up band was playing, you walk to your seats.

And the fucking, as soon as the band hit the stage and the lights went out, everybody sparked. In those days, it was sparking. People would pass your joints. You're like, holy shit. Like, you'd hear about all. these parties. Like when I was a kid, I'd go to Steve, what did you do? I said, oh, I partied over at Lee's house. I didn't really understand the concept of the word party. Where you're doing drugs and drinking with him? Or was it like the parties I see on TV where people

are twisted by the pool? Chicks are sucking your dick and everybody's fucking and everybody's got a date. I didn't understand that concept. Yeah. So, you know, it was when you went to that garden or like the garden especially the garden was the one i caught a couple good concerts at the garden where you you know you you had meaning for an hour yeah like your life had meaning because all these other 18 or 1,000 other idiots justified that meaning you had for whatever i went to see the who at the garden i went to see uh black sabbath with van hale and open enough for them at the garden yeah i went to some great shows at the garden. Plus, Nick Games out the ass.

I went to see, my favorite thing I went to the garden is, I used to go see Julius Irving with the Sixes coming Christmas Day, and I once got tickets from Bobby Hurley's dad. Coach Hurley and St. Anthony's gave me a fucking front row tickets. Out in Jersey, yeah, yeah. North Carolina playing Rutgers when they had a black dude named James Bailey that would just slam dunk on your ass. I'll never forget that going to that fucking.

So I really, there was something about the garden that you felt something for. It's like for some people, it's where the Lakers play. They went to see a bunch of concerts there. You know, if you're from Pittsburgh, you went to see a bunch of concerts at the Old Three River Stadium. You know, there's just something about being in those particular places. My dad took me one time, it was Martin Luther King Jr. day, so you had off on it. But the Knicks always played a day game that day. So my dad took me, my brother, all five of us, the mom.

And we went in because I like basketball. This is not something he wasn't in sport, but I like basketball. So we go and they're playing Barclays playing the Knicks. I think he was on Phoenix. And it was the game where at the end of the, he got into it with the ref. He jumped at the ref. And, you know, it's the end of the game. The game's over.

Kind of people are getting up to leave. And then you see Barclay jump towards the ref. And then people, and I could see my dad like, all right, we're out of here. Let's go. Everyone up. Come on. we did our fucking due diligence. Let's get on the railroad and get the fuck out of here.

It was crazy. You never knew. Like all that stuff, the garden, wasn't about going to the fucking game. It was about what happened on the way to the game and what happened on the way home. Like that was always what you remembered those. Like the concert could have been like,

I'll never forget one Monday. I went to school and it was one of those East Coast days in April, where it's supposed to be cold, but you bring like a winter jacket, and when you come out of school, it's fucking a thousand. It's a thousand. You know, you're like, what the fuck happened? What the

fuck happened? The fucking newsman didn't tell me about this shit. Now I've got to carry this fucking parker home 30 blocks on a bus with the book. Yeah, there's no cloud coverage. No cloud coverage. Just blazing on it. Humidity's up. I walked out of there and I saw this RX7

and it belonged to this cat. We called the devil right they called his name his name was Mike Denny and he was five foot two three but he was a state champion wrestler and he came from a really freaky family like they

were boat people they owned they they are real not boat people like that they resurfaced ships so when a ship does a long haul they go in the Hoboken or Newark okay and the Denny's had a company that would come in and, you know, take away all the rust,

take the barnacles off, put new fucking holes, new windows, you know, restock anything, because when you're out there and see, that shit, all that shit gets fucking sea salt in it. So they would scrub it down. It was like a six-month process.

They would have three ships at once. It was a great business from the family made money, but Mike was the devil. Like, his street name was the devil. And I liked Mike as a young age because he wrestled. He knew people I knew. But every time,

I went out with Mike, it was always a by the way. Like, he was one of those guys. Mike, as we speak today, is doing Hamas' life from murder and his wife. The name they gave him at the age of 14 was exactly true. When you looked at Mike's eyes, you knew he was the devil. Oh, really? But I loved him.

Do you guys come to the devil to his face? Some people were calling the devil. Or some people go, dog, what are he doing? His wife. Some people go, what are he doing hanging out with the devil? And I would hang out to do creepy shit with the devil. like creepy. Was he violent?

He would fight you. He would hit you with a fucker because he was five foot two. So he would hit you with something. You know, he would hit you with something to cut you. He was known, but he was one of those guys. You'd give him $300 for an eight ball and he wouldn't come back. Oh, really? You know, unreliable a bit.

Yeah. You had to watch him like a fucking hawk. And I'll never figure that I come out of. Did you say he would cut you and no one reacted to that? Like he would cut you. you he was that you somebody yeah maybe I see them I see him in action a couple times in New York City late night like four in the morning because Joey reads people like you know how how elite quarterbacks can read a defense real quick so I think he knows when when you know

yeah he's gonna turn for the worst and he knows when to get out of it I knew yeah I knew how to get the best time you had to get the best I knew how to always have him on a hook he's the Mike Shoshchewskiy of there was always a by the way with crazy people but I always had to buy the way i'll be you're gonna drive me to the city yeah so in those days i had a godmother it was the writer the story i told she used to sell coke 113th and fifth avenue by that by by uh central park and that in the daytime was a rough name but never mind at night now when they turn the lights out all these fucking movies and tv what's the one the walking dead yeah that's what this was this was the walking dead yeah you would double park your call and i'd say give me five minutes let me go upstairs

When I come down and you go, Joey, I'll never bring you over here again. I just saw a girl get stabbed by a husband. I just saw a kid get rid of over by a car, and they picked them up and put him in the trunk. It's one of those fucking neighborhoods. A junkie just got shot. No one cares. People are walking around them. It was 9th, from 80 to when I left there in 84, 85, that neighborhood was nuts.

And I would make the nicest white people drive me over there, one of the morning. I would call her 11 and go, listen, I got, oh, my God, I don't know what I'm going to do. She'd go, what's the matter? You just lay that out there, that guilt right away. She'd go, what's the matter? I go, my teacher just called, and he wants me to have these books for class. And she goes, how much do you need? $90.

Okay, come over and get it. And by the time I got over there, I would call her again and give it a bump. By the time I got there was $200, and then I go, you will wake? And she'd go, yeah. And she'd go, why, you want a bump? And I go, nah, just give me a small package to go. And she'd give me like a grandma blow to go. The worst Coke in the world.

It was horrific. You could do the whole package in 1980 and nothing would happen to you. It was like doing Sergio Love Coke. Nothing would happen to you. Sergio Love Coke. But she'd always give me cash to buy good Coke. That's what I would do with the cash. When I'd buy good Coke.

I don't think that's what the cash was for. I thought the cash was for chemistry books. Yeah, but you know, same difference. Chemistry. Chemistry. Cocaine. What's a difference? It's all like chemistry.

But I used to make the devil drive me to weird places. Like I knew people that sold coke after my mom died, and I would still keep in touch with them. And that time, yeah, if you want an ounce on the arm, come to the South Bronx. The only person who would drive me is Mike Denny. And I would go, Mike, if you drive me, I'll give you an eight ball. Little did you know, I had an eight ball cut in my sock.

So I would take a gram and a half out and throw a gram and a half a cut in and give it to him. You always had to double cross him. You have to pre-pre-pre-per. You always had to double-cross him because he was always going to double-cross you. Yeah. Anytime something will happen with money with him, like if he tell you he was going to get you a gram for 70 bucks. It was going to be 90 for half that.

It was going to be six-tenths. Like there was always a by the way. But when I first started becoming friends with him, he had a girlfriend that was a model. And she worked in the city. So he would drive her or some shit. I don't remember the whole story. But one day I come out of the high school. And there he is.

And I go, what's going on, Dev? And he goes, nothing. I'm over here chilling. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He goes, I was going to take my girlfriend to the show tonight, but she can't go. And I don't want to ask my creepy brother, do you want to go? And I go, fuck, yeah. Who is it?

He goes, the new barbarians. And the new barbarians was the Rolling Stones without Mick Jagg. That's what that was. Who's the frontman? Keith Richards and Rod Stewart. God. And Rod Stewart? Whoever showed up?

Oh, really? So it was like a sort of like a... Rod Stewart was sort of a... So it was Keith Richards. Yeah. And then like a jamman. It was Keith Richards. Ron Wood.

Uh-huh. Ian McLaughlin, the piano player. Stanley Clark was on the bass. And the drummer was... The drummer was... Yeah. It was Ron Wood and whatever, the New Barbarians. But the singers that were supposed to show up in the 12th City tour were Robert Plant.

Uh-huh. Rod Stewart. Rod Stewart. And there was somebody else. No Mick Jagger. No. No Mick Jagger at all. They kept it fucking tight from Uncle Mick.

But every night they had somebody different, like somebody Santana would show up and play with Keith or, like it was a really interesting tour. So he, I didn't know anything about it. You want me to tell you that I knew what the fuck they were talking about? I knew the Rolling Stones. I had like maybe five albums at that time.

I didn't know that. Yeah. I knew the same songs you knew on the radio. Where was the concert in the garden? The garden. Sold out. We get there. You know, same thing.

We went and got a package. He beat me out of $5. He paid for tickets, but I had to pay for parking. There was always a, by the way, with the devil. You know what I'm saying? Like, there was always, once we got there, we had to get a T-shirt for his girlfriend. Why would you keep going out with this guy?

Because he got enough to always want to... Listen, when I was growing up, I had four or five different variety of friends. I didn't just hang out with Steve Renazizi. Steve Renazizi was my movie friend. He smoked some pot. He likes movies. He likes movies.

Italian food. Guess what? I call Steve on Sunday nights. Steve's my man on Sunday. We go get a slice of pizza. We talk about the week. He tells me I was going to get me a job doing union construction.

And then we go catch a Charles Bronson movie. And he goes home. He lives with his mother and his father. Steve wouldn't break the law if you wanted to. But at the same time, when Steve and me went home at 10, what's the expression? Loose something is the devil's workshop? Loose lip-s.

Ships? No, no, no, no. Like, I wouldn't want to go home. Oh, idle time is the devil's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what am I going to do? It's 10 o'clock. So then you go get to meet another kind of friend.

I would go hang out with Mike Denny, the devil. I knew I was going to do blow with him. We were going to get some type of drug. When you were with Mike Denny, you were going to end up with something, a pill, a tumult, a bag of blow, maybe a line of heroin. Anything could go down with him. When I was 16 and my mom died, I didn't give a fuck about me. So when I saw Mike Denny,

I jumped in that fucking RX7 and we had a good old fucking time. Thousand there. And 90% of the shit we did was Rob. But again, he was one of those guys that would go, listen, a ship just came in and they got a box of watches. Let's go rob the wall. He was that crazy. So we'd have to climb a fence behind the shipyard and fucking walk through mud and we'd hear dogs. And we'd have to go get.

And he knew all the combinations and shit. I was going to say, didn't he? Yeah. How accurate was the information? Always solid. But always, always something at payday. It was always something different. There's 30 watches.

We're going to get $100 apiece for the watches. That's three grand. We'll split it $1,500 a piece. So you don't have to sell the watch. No. All I do is go steal. He already had a drop-off point. Next day, you're not going to believe what happened.

Six of the watches were damaged. You're only going to get $800. You know, shit like that. Yeah. He paid you, and that was the beauty of it. There was always going to be a fucking, by the way. That's what made it interesting. The worst thing that ever happened with me,

and him that always stuck in my mind just to let you know guys it was new year's day and we went to see aerosmith at the nassau coliseum aerosmith was terrible the tickets were terrible the drive was terrible but we were on kennedy boulevard on the jersey side and it had to be maybe 1230 at night on a sunday night new year's fucking day okay who the fuck goes out Aerosmith decides to do a show New Year's fucking day. But me and the devil around, we took a hit of ass. We took like fucking this powerful fucking ass at the time.

And I'm tripping my ass off, listening to Get Your Wings by Aerosmith in the car. That's one of my all-time favorite albums. And I see red lights. And we pull up, and it's an RX7, just like Mike Dunnets. And it hit a tree. And it hit split, right through the fucking middle.

This guy was dead. He was done. But she was stuck. Okay, she was stuck. Now, we're on acid. No, this is real. This is going on. Yeah, we're on a hit of acid.

Oh, God. We're like the sixth people on the scene. I would leave that scene immediately. Okay. We're like, it's a couple of guys yelling and screaming like, are you okay? And she's like, help me, help me. In the middle of all this,

An ambulance comes along, two ambulances, fire department, and they've had fucking sores, and they're telling the girl, are you okay? And she's like, yeah, but my boyfriend's dead, and blah-da-p-pap-la-p-p-pah, and we're fucking standing there frozen. You guys pulled over and stuff? Yeah, we pulled over legally. You can go nowhere. There was debris all over the fucking road.

Oh, you were driving. She had a fucking, she had a fucking pole. Yeah. Somebody cut them off and then hit them. Like somebody, I can't, guys, I'm not a crime investigator. What I do know was that the fucking car was split in half. He was dead. His side of the, he was crushed.

His head was exploded. There was blood everywhere, and she was still alive. Oh, God. But their tail had been hit, and there was another car. The window was smashed. And the guy was unconscious in the front seat. There was no airbags in those days. There was none of that shit.

No. No, no airbags. No of that shit. So we get out of the car. She's yelling. The fucking fireman, like, get out of the way. Get out of the way. get out of the way. The cops come. They put a fucking yellow

tape. So I go back to you and now it's one o'clock in the morning. Just the red lights. I'm tripping my balls off. Did anyone ask you any questions or anything like that? Like did you guys see anything? No, we just came up right now. There was like two cops there already. Oh, there was like a cop call already there and he

knew when he was looking at people. I can't believe you drove on acid. Now, I'm watching the fucking the acid kind of say because I faint when I see blood. So I, she was covered in blood, but she was yelling for her life.

Where under the passenger seat, the driver's seat, that he was just leaking. Like, it was like, it was like, I swear to God, it was just coming from the seat, like it squashed his head, wants to squish his shoulder. Like, I remember, I couldn't see him because the window and the car, but just dog.

That's why I don't like little cars like that. Yeah. I'm against all little cars, guys. Against them completely. And that's my logic. That's what I saw in 1987 when cars were still cars. No, 1980. It was New Year's 1980. Maybe 1981 if I'm wrong. Maybe if I'm fucking wrong. So we're tripping and they get up and they saw the car. You know, when they got that shit. Yeah, the jaws of life or something. They hit that. The ambulance came. The fucking, some people came with the beds. There was a small fire. They shut that out. And then they sawed her out. And like she was fucking twisted.

but I'll never forget these last words they were drinking oh she said we were drinking no one of the cops oh said that they were drinking yeah they were drinking and at that moment me seeing that

at that fucking moment as much as a criminal as I fuck around with weed I bring on the plane all these nonsense I do you'll never ever ever see me drinking the drunk And it's because of that night. It's nothing to do because I'm cool, nothing to do. And I'd save my life fathom because I wouldn't mind having a few drinks and get behind the car. Nobody does.

But because I saw that. I saw that girl when they took her out of the ambulance. I saw what she looked like. I saw the look in her face that the guy she was with was dead. But I guess as they were putting them away and we were talking, the cop goes. There was booze. They found like bottles in the fucking car. And that was it.

That was it in mind. So if I got anything from all those years of hanging out with the devil, it was not the drinking drive. Fuck, yeah. Fucking crazy. Yeah, you got acid. Boiling. And that's when we used to boil on acid.

That's when you boiled on acid for eight hours, but you'd be high for 13, 14 hours. I'm never going to drink and drive, but let's get in the car and drive home on acid. No, no, no, no. We weren't drinking. Completely different. It's something about booze and fucking, you know, people never, you never hear a drunk driving ascent because they were doing acid.

You know, acid, you'll fly through the air. You don't give a whee. Next thing you know, you're in front of your fucking house. Oh, my God. It was, it was, I don't remember to drive home with them. No. I remember, like, I was shocked for two or three days at that age. I was like, Jesus fucking Christ, I will.

Does that shake a guy like him, too, or is he just sort of, like, bounce off of that and like, All right, he killed his wife. He's doing double time right now. What do you think it did to him? I don't know. I didn't hang out with him. I stopped hanging out with him maybe like summer of 81 because it was just too much. Yeah.

You know, he called you seven nights a week and there was always, always an envelope at the end of the scam. And what were going to do with that scam? It was a small envelope. And I was going to spend the whole thing on drugs. And then plus what? Guess what else? I had to do the drugs with him. So I put out of a line, he put out a line.

I put out a line, he put out of line. I put out a line, he put out of line. And then we each take a line home, like two fags. And then go home and, you know, it was just a waste of fucking time. It was a waste of fucking time. Yeah. But you live and you learn. But I remember him, the moral of the story is he took me to see the new barbarians.

And the new barbarians, you know what, guys, I could sit here and tell you. I don't remember what the fuck they're saying. I was just a kid. I was just happy to be out. I was just happy the white kid was talking to me. You know what I'm saying? Like, I was just happy. But I do remember the end of that I showed.

They did a triple encore. And at the end, the people started throwing the chairs up at the air, the fucking garden. And people started running out of people get hit with you. Ripping the chairs out of the ground? I was there two times when people started going. The folly chairs? Another time, the Knicks were winning.

The Knicks were covering the spread. Something happened. Wait a second. What I say? The Knicks were losing. The other team was covering the spread. And the Knicks were terrible in those days. And it was with the buzzer.

Well, the Nick players threw the ball up in the air backwards. It went in. And the Knicks ended up covering. So a bunch of people at the guard started ripping the chairs. Throwed out. Because they bet on them to lose? but it was fucking hilarious. That, like I said, that was,

there was a couple places I went as a child that were unique. The only place I went as a child was any time I went to a six a game or a concert in Philly, always entertainment besides what you were going to watch. And that's what I like about.

You don't have that anymore. There's no more challenge when you go out no more. You have Uber, you should be having even more fun now. With Uber, do you know what I'd be doing with Uber? I know if you just had any old days. Didn't have to worry about. In about a year, you're going to wake up on morning and go, oh, my God, Uber's in the news again.

Major cocaine distributor is linked to Uber. They were doing deliveries with Uber. What are they going to do? I got, with Uber, cocaine? Cocaine and Uber go hand in hand, Jack. They get cooking at midnight Uber. That's when they're out hustling. You get Uber in three fucking minutes.

What do you want to go on? 155th on the Bamba Street I gotta go see my grandmother She lives in the alley You know what I'm saying Like that's crazy Yeah

Or even if you getaway man right there Even if you sell coke You could Uber go to Lee's house drop it off Uber again go back Nobody knows the feds can't really The feds will tap onto you eventually And follow your fucking Uber

That's no genius seat It's easier for them to follow you I was thinking they could probably Just have like a bunch of girls or guys, then they just call the Uber for them and they go to someone's house. But it's just Coke. Same thing, yeah. No, it just works.

They never have to go to them. Prostutes are probably making a killing. Uber's making a killing off prostitution. Yeah, well, you know, kids do it now. They don't even pick their kids up at school. They send an Uber for the kids. That's creepy as hell. I've seen that.

I can't imagine. My mom would never do that with me. Now, she would. Well, here's the thing, though. And I'm just saying Would you let your kid walk to school if you Like we walked to school? You walk to school I bet

I took a bus But that was probably More dangerous than getting a stranger to pick you up And bring in your house It's on a GPS When you ask me these questions Don't look me in the house Because I break down

All this kid related shit I live with a horror in my heart That would I send my daughter When she was six To spend it there my godmother the 148th year in Broadway. And I said that I start doubting my mom's ability to make decisions because who the fuck would do that?

But guess what? That's why I learned who the fuck I was. And that's what you want from your child, right? Yeah. But me and you don't have the balls to do that with our kids. I don't have the balls for I to walk from where we live now to where she's going to go to school next year. Guess what?

I'm going to be a skinny fuck because I'm walking five days a week And I don't even want to do that some days because I'm scared of a car coming off of fucking the street. Because I always stay on the outside. I'm a gentleman. Of course. Ladies to the inside.

You know, these are the things you fucking worry about. Yeah. That you don't worry about before. What's to stop three guys in a white van from pulling over and timing kids? Yeah. And grabbing kids and taking off. And by the time you even know the vans around,

they're in Mexico or up in Vancouver. Vancouver or Oregon or some shit. I mean, these are the realities of life, guys. This shit doesn't happen. You know, it's like you always sit there and watch TV and go, oh, look what happened. A kid got shot in the fucking head on Crenshaw Boulevard.

You never think it's going to happen to you. That's a horrible way to live. Shit can happen in time to time. Some of it you could avoid. But I still sit there all the time and go, how do fuck? How to fuck? Was I playing basketball when I was 12?

But two in the morning on 88th Street Park, where was the supervision? Where was the supervision? But then again, I made it to, you know, I would sleep at Steve right as easy. My mom knew who Steve was. She met her mother one time. She trusted Steve's mom. Good look about her. Yeah, it was those days.

There was no reason to call. Nope. There was no reason to call in those days. So you just went over there. And next day. 90-10, everything's working out. Those are odds that you're willing to take. You're tired.

You know, I'm talking to lead before, but I was going to the... the garden to see just in the eighth grade to walk to the meadowlands from my house of north bergen to walk to the metalands to see ted nudge and erosman would i want my daughter on route three walking to the fucking metal ants these are the decisions i have to fucking make i don't want to leave in my fucking sight i love my wife but if you get my wife in conversation you can steal her sunglasses You know what I'm saying? My wife ain't no fucking genius. You got her in conversation, you can pickpock of that.

I mean, it's no fucking big. I used to pickpock all the fucking time. Fucking crazy. I know. You have children. You got to watch everything. Jesus Christ, that 50-yard walk. Well, Steve, you were just living on the East Coast for a while.

Yeah. Is it different there? Would you let them do more there than you would do here? Or is it there they got on a bus. They don't get in a bus here. I drive my kids to school every day. Guess what? I don't like the bus do it either.

Look at those bus people They're all creepy They charge you 80 They pay the bus driver 18 You know why? Because they didn't get the Like he didn't graduate From the bus driver's academy

They hired that guy He put like a check With white ankle The felonies and shit He's probably a pedophile And shit And he's driving your kids around Yeah he don't pedophile no more

But eventually one day he'll snap You'll see a nice little fucking chick With a little skirt on and shit That's what you need in your life I'm scared of all all that shit right now you want to walk to and from school you know why because how many times have you seen on world news tonight fucking bus drivers texting that's true kids in the fucking car forget about it and it's human nature and I can't it's against it's against me as an

American to make somebody put their fucking phone away for eight hours like you know what I'm saying like yeah if I own the bus company and I came to stewarden-e-e-win-Zizi and said if it's Steve Renaziz, I got to talk to you about something. When you check in at 8, give me the phone. And at lunchtime, I'll give you your phone back. And at 12, you give me your phone, and at 5, I'll give it back to you.

How many people would do that? Just because we can't do that, because we have families. Yeah. You know, you can't do something like that. No. But on the other end, that's what you have to do as a parent.

You have to go out, does this guy fucking chit-chat all day? You know, Facebook live, looking at fat chicks getting eaten their assholes. Well, like three or four years ago, there was a big, like, derailment on the subway in Boston. Some guy was texting and he crashed a subway. I don't remember if anyone died, but they definitely, like, broke arms and it was terrible.

They have cameras now watching those guys. I got a buddy from high school that works for the Long Island Railroad. He's the guy that when you know your Penn Station and everyone, all those people are swamping around that thing looking to see what track the thing is. I text him. I go, which would, I'm in the thing. I'm going around Concom. 21, boom, I'm down there. I'm getting the fucking beer.

I'm there when the doors crack open. Boom, I'm inside. And then if you go with him, he's got the key to the employee car. You know, the first one, the air condition you can smoke inside. They don't bust your balls right in there. Free. Penn Station is not that bad. No.

They're redoing a lot of it now. I was just there, like, I don't know, January, December. Sometimes you run down to Penn Station. You're thinking you're going to miss the bus of the train. you get there, you hoffing and puffing, and there's a fucking bar. Oh, there's a lot of things there right now, yeah. On the fucking terminal, like right there,

as you're waiting for the train, you get all the two stiff ones. Yeah, people are still caught. Holy shit, I was like, wait a second. Right on the tracks. I had like an hour fucking train. I said, you know what, who the fucking mind? Let me get a little vodka tonic.

Yeah. You know, vodka tonic with me goes a long way. That's two hours of fucking being hammered, Google, fucking drooled all over myself and shit. But, yeah, I like that. I didn't know that. I had no idea. They had booze down there. When I lived in New York, for those when we was talking about, when I did East, like, like, if I did like Boston or Philly, I take the train. It was easier. I like it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and the train of D.C. is easier. They excel. From Penn Station, listen, you could reach the fucking, you can't get to Hong Kong. From Penn Station, you can take a train from New York to Hong Kong. You can't get to San Francisco. You can't get to L.A., unfortunately. Listen, if you get the San Francisco, you get to Hong Kong and cut the whole fucking West Coast out. go the other way. You're on the train

for an hour. It cuts through Chinatown. Next, you know, 12 hours later, you're in Hong Kong and shit. You wake up and it's a dude that got beat up on your night. It's not the fucking turmoil. He's just waving out of grass.

He's giving out of the water. Oh, he's huge right now in China. He's doing public appearances in North Korea. He's not like the fucking next missile. It's going to have you. King Jummoon like this together. Oh, my God. Boom.

That dude's going to buy that. got a missile. United gave him a missile. I think they just gave him the plane that he was on. I would take that. He wanted some Boeing algorithm. That's all he wanted. He got big money.

Undisclosed amount. Yeah. Undisclosed means nobody wants to side, you know. We can't even tell you, but you know what? You were going to kill us in court anyway. All they had to do is, uh, da, da, da, da, da, da, right, some regulations of passengers. Let's go to the video, please. I show him getting drag like Jesus

on fucking good Monday they get dragged like Jesus and then they show the second video him sitting there oh bloody running up and down who got the who is this the Spielberg remember when he tried to run back on

he's running down up and down the aisles I just want to go home I just want to go home that's when it was chiching oh my God he was just getting paid mental anguish that picture with him with the blood he looks like Bruce Lee

and then to the dragon 12 jurors sitting there Looking at two pictures They couldn't have those pictures out Any much longer Him busted up Yeah yeah they could Every day that the pictures were out there

It was just tainting jurors It was just Somebody was gonna look at that There's no way you're gonna find 12 people who didn't see that picture Unless they live like in fucking Africa Or something like that don't get the internet Everybody saw that poor Chinese man get beat

So what happens You go to court, and that's it. That's the end of the argument. No. Listen, we understand they often have made $1. Well, let's hit the video replay. And every time they would say something, I would just say, what's that? What are you saying, court?

$800 versus, can we hit the button to cancel? What are you saying in court? I object. I objected. Hit the video. Shut it off. I'd just be selling that video to the jurors. Do not reflect at that video again.

You got it, Your Honor. You know, the poor Chinese guy, he had a problem. He was a, and then they got... It would be the ringtone of your phone. They also got him for defamation of character because they released that he was a doctor. And he got, um, he got, uh, suspended for... Yeah.

Pharmaceutical stuff. They just went in there with a list of shit. They went into United with a list of shit. Right now, three white dudes are sitting there. Like a receipt, like for the whole. And he was a professional poker player, too, for a while. He won like $2 million dollars playing poker. Oh, no, that money's going to be gone, then.

It doesn't really matter. And the check's got a cash in three days. I go right back to the Twitter and I show him the fucking Oh yeah Get the video please I will play this video And every

Listen that's it I would just go in there and go He wants a helicopter A plane He wants one of those fucking North Korean missiles If he ever wants to fly again He flies by himself on a plane On a plane United

And his family They all fly by themselves The plane everybody Fucking first class Chinese music Whatever the fucking Egg Rose whatever the fuck he wants he gets.

And we want 50, we want 50 mil cash in 20s. In 20s by fucking Tuesday. And I want 10 bodyguards, Chinese kung fu experts. They eat stars for breakfast. I'm telling you, I would fucking go bananas if I was his attorney.

I want fucking, I want that crowd mcgau weed. Joey smokes over there. That's Israel. I'm telling him, there's Holocaust OG this weed. Yeah. Sir, we can't give you marijuana as part of a settlement.

Look, you know what? My client's very fickle right now. He's on the fence as to whether this is the right decision or not. We got to go back out to the press in a minute. No, no, what are we going to do? We got to tie him up in a jacket because he's Chinese, but he's getting flashbacks of Vietnam. We got to tie him up.

We've got to put him in the car with American music, and we've got to soothe him all the way until he gets it because his mental condition is weakened. He got the beat, and so he thinks he's from the Ming Dynasty right now. And the fucking Hunans are coming to get them and show you don't fucking know nothing. This guy's sitting on a fucking gold mine. He was sitting on a gold mine from him. When I saw them pulling him out, I go, wow.

Well, everyone has a camera. I mean, how many people, they're fucked up. They had 10, 12 different videos to choose from. Every news outlet, every news outlet had 10 to 12 different angles. Oh, I got, this is a better angle when he got bashed. Remember the one where they smashed his head on to the thing? then one was dragging him down the aisle Then when he's

They got the one where he's coming this way Running at him Then they got the other one where he's coming that way It was like a fucking Disabruder film It was amazing I just felt bad for the poor United Person who had to ask for another volunteer

Like a day later Like you know some of other flights Probably jammed up She's got to get on the fucking mic Mike and ask for a fucking volunteer For an oversold flight She probably Oh

Well apparently people are now like kind of taking advantage like you hear about that well it's up the 10 grand now you can get the 10 grand i say i wait till i my family got five people four people we get eight grand a pot all of us we can get the net jets for probably 20 grand we're out the door i made just you know 25 grand done then i got to give you four tickets for this easy you might get one for yourself yeah christmas day christmas eve listen next flight not till next morning don't matter because by the time i got home the kids will be sleeping my mom will be sleeping 10 grand you got a four seasons close by because i only stay at four seasons yeah especially when you're bumping you yeah what's 10 gs on christmas eve

what's 10 gs amongst friends on christmas evening ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you go on nice four seasons you get the steak medallion sent up to your room they're never given the chinese doctor 10 grand what do you mean you don't think they would ever like who we'd never get to that level If that never happened, like if they could go up to that level. Listen, the Chinese doctor ain't flying. Oh, no, no, yeah. And if he does fly United, he just sits there and goes, I've already been taking care of.

I can stay here for three days and I'm still ahead of the game. I can miss 18 flights of 10 grand. I still got money to burn like a fucking animal. The cameras kill me. The cameras kill me. There's nights I sit there and I go, what would I do if I was a criminal today? Not much you can do. You walk out your front door.

Yeah, you're on camera. If you walk more than 55 feet, I mean, you walk past my house, you're on camera. Yeah, you're on ring. Bam. Yep. That's it. I got the ring in the back. I got the other.

I got the ring. You got a ring. Yeah, you got a ring. Because, and even if you got a wardrobe on, you put it on the news, they'll see you. You know, the lights go on in the backyard, so we're way ahead of the fucking game. We've got the double lights. Why not? I don't even know if they had it back then.

I'm sure they did. Did you, like, I keep every day on the news now. I saw a ring had a, they catch people stealing packages? Packages. Did you ever do that? Never. Never. One time I stole mail because my friend, he owed my friend money or something.

So I went over to get the money and I stole a box with a stereo on it. And there was a Social Security check, like a tax refund check. I took the tax refund check because I had a dude on the inside in those days. 3, 84. They used to tell me, bring me whatever you got. I'm going to hit you for 20%, but I'd cash everything. I can cash at all. Yeah, he would cash at all.

It didn't matter. I brought him checks for years. Fucking amazing. This was way before. There was a time when I tell Lee, the credit cards, if you spend under $50, they didn't run him. They didn't run him. that was called Nunder Limit Thief

All I do Is spend under 50 bucks Oh so you get the The Chinese lunch buffet Every day like a motherfucker Ching Ching You can either go for the $4.95 With the Diet Coke

or you get the 1095 or you can eat with the spare ribs What are you going to do? Oh my God I'll take the spare ribs Ching Ching it don't matter John Sleshing is just paying for his motherfucker and it'd be

even when the car would get decline they would still because your card was electronically swiped swiped yeah anything under 50 bucks they put your card down and just took an imprint and gave it to the bank

the bank didn't even catch after they got 20 of those pink slips saying that you owe them you know because you it was $4.95 for lunch you drew them a fin for fucking taking the card sometimes you threw them 10 because they We're in on it, too, the way this. They take the cash right out of there.

Yeah, they don't give a fuck. You weren't worried about, like, the bank being, like, he goes to this Chinese lunch every day. Go get him. You know, Lee, in those days, there was no big computer. So by the time they caught it, it would be three months down the road. That was what it was in my mind. There was no computer. I had a friend that would go to Bank of America, let's say.

In 1984, he was. He would go to Bank of America. He would borrow money. He would put his money, and he would borrow like 50 grand. And he would go to five banks and put $10,000 savings. And leave it in there for six months. After six months, he would go into the bank and get a $10,000 loan. No, like a $7,500 loan on the $10,000 that was in the bank to build his credit.

And on Fridays, at 10 after 3, he would go into that bank and close his account and take the money out and then go to an ATM 10 minutes away or go to a different bank and get an extra $7,500 out. That's how fast he was moving. He was ahead of the game. I'm talking about 83, 84. That's good. Yeah, I mean, you think about it. building trust by giving them $10,000. So he would give him $10, take a $75 a loan against the $10,

and then go in there and bank and close the account and pull the 10 out. Something fucking ridiculous, Steve, that's easy. Yeah, I see what you're saying. He'd take the loan and then he would go to close out his account. And before the loan paperwork actually got finished, he would take back his 10. but now he had a car that said he had $75 or whatever $7,500 limit. So he would walk out there, he would invest 10 and get back $17.50 in six months.

And he'd do that. Four times? So he would do that times five. So he would make 35 Gs on a Friday. And he would do this in different states. It was fucking amazing. And never got caught because he stopped before it got computerized. Like that's when he said,

fuck this shit. He stopped waiting before that. He's still around today. He leads a successful life. Sells real estate. Nobody knows nothing. And he started that real estate with that money he was scamming. Do you know that to...

For years he did that. Good. Maybe a year, 18 months. Good. Good for him, I say. I mean, what do you feel bad for the banks? Who got to fuck the banks? It's all the bank on that.

Either the bank gave the money, the bank took back the money, or the other bank that fucking gave him. him the money. Who gives a shit? It's all insured, isn't it? I mean, it's all FDIC insured. I mean, I think if you robbed the actual bank, I think you'd have to physically rob the bank but with the guns and whatever,

but, you know, fuck, Jesus, how many how many fucking fees and shit have you paid for your entire lives? You know, that's a drop in the fucking bucket. I forgot how the scam was. It was a long fucking time. That's not even like small businesses getting hurt.

That's just bank. Banks losing money He was a slick guy He had Caused the whole thing You know He did a thousand things That wants this guy

But that was One of the things he did And he would wear This guy All timing scams I guess with paperwork And stuff Disguises

Apartments Like everything he had Had to be under that name Yeah So he would work it Six months He would work Like

Sometimes he would Open up An account Under your name name and put five grand in there and just leave it there for a year and then take a loan and then he would pay half the loan and he would build up aliases he was always juicing always juicing didn't want to get suspicious or no no no you got to be really smart yeah long to stay out of the yeah and not greedy no he bowed out and got into real estate and he's about a little older than i am now

He checks in maybe once a year. He checks in with Uncle Joey and we chit chat a little bit. Have we heard from Danny B's brother at all? No, he's locked up. They got him under the jail. That was a long fucking time ago. When we first started the podcast, one of my dear, dear friends, Danny B on Twitter, has a brother that was crazy since we were kids. Since we were kids.

We were 21, 22. This kid was 14, and he was doing shit. you would just sit there and go, what the fuck? You know, he robbed the bank one time. What? With a fishing line on Friday nights and a hook. He would wait for all the small businesses to put deposits and banks. Oh.

And he would put the fucking hook with the fishing line. And he took the fucking money out. He threw the bag away and he took the cash. And he got like 9G. So he saw a cab driver and he goes, give me a ride straight to Kennedy. And he gave the guy a little tip. That's how he got caught. Oh, God.

I just put it together. They called a bunch of cab drivers that were in that area. You pick up anybody suspicious. Well, this kid, it wants to have been 15. He gave me a lot of 10. And they got him in Hawaii. That's what it started with. Oh, no.

And he did a bunch of other crazy shit. That's a federal offense, right? Out of a mailbox. And he was doing that a while. They were doing that for a while. Him and his buddies 15 were doing this. Fishing line. Taking bank deposit, fucking.

You'd be surprised. But he came out and he robbed the bank. I don't know what the fuck he did this. time, but he was never really there. This poor kid never really had a chance. If you think back and look, I mean, he was gone. At 14, he was already smoking cigarettes, and, you know, he had a bag of mushrooms.

He didn't know there were mushrooms. And when we got home, he was a fucking kid. This is way before he even developed. He was a child. I'm giving him 14. He could have been fucking 12. I put a quarter-round, a half-ounce of mushrooms on the table. He thought they were like potato chips.

He starts eating these fucking crunchy things. They were dry. He's eating them. We go out there like, what is this day? And he's like, what are they? We're like, it's fucking mushroom juice. He fucked up. We were worried about him.

We forgot. We giggled about it. We left. We come back. The house is black. We were worried about him. We forgot. How long was that transition from worried about to forget?

You know, after a while, you crack a couple jokes. You look at him. He's pale. He's okay. You say, fuck it. He's going to be fine. You just know, yeah, he's going to be fine. Let's get out of here.

You know, you get out, and we came back home that night, all the lights were off in the house. We turned the lights, we walk up the stairs, and there he is in the living room, just fucking sitting there. He's 12 years old. And he looks over this, like, you know, I'm not high. Well, I'm sure you're not.

Don't worry about nothing. Where's Tony Bennett Lee? You know, I'm not high? May 1st, motherfuckers. It was just Christmas. want to be around to pick up the pieces

when somebody breaks your heart some somebody twice as smart as I After all these years It's still a beautiful song A somebody

who will swear to be true as you used to do with me who leave you I'm going to give some shoutouts real quick to my main man in Milwaukee I'll be seeing you motherfuckers in two weeks

Matt Holmeyer my main man in Seacoccus little Ryan Holloway Cassius Morris over there and fucking Calgary running things Bobby Sharon and Austin with the Cobbock Cash podcast my man Greg Powers

Lynn up in Seattle, keeping it together. Mike Stein and the one-by-one podcast, he's ready to be a fucking dad. Philip Rusty Boselli, the arse warrior, and always the original Mad Max, my man, Holly Baz, making a fucking American appearance pretty fucking soon.

Oh, cool. And I think, I think one-by-one had Willa-Walker Jr. on recently. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw that. One-by-one podcast, don't fuck around. man, Mikey, he ain't playing games over there. What's up, but it's easy talking about.

How are you? So where were you last week? Columbus, the week before, where you at? I did that casino in Oklahoma. What'd you think? I like it. Second time I did it. That Lacey girl, she's so lovely.

She picks you up. They treat you very nicely. You know, they don't mess around. You get there, you know, the hotel's nice. They gave you that nice. They had the little steakhouse I got there. Then you do the gig. And I'm out.

8, 8, you know, 4 o'clock in the morning, 5 o'clock in the morning, home by 8.30. They're great. People are lovely. Take pictures of them after. I'm not a gambler anymore. I don't do anything really into casinos. So, you know what? I get it like a milkshake on the way home, on the way back to the fucking room.

You do the show, you know, you go back to your room, you decompress, you smoke a number, and then you go back downstairs. You play a little fucking wheel of, four. I play Wheel of Fortune. I love it. You put a quarter in there. Every once in a while I pull the three, you go back to one, three. Then you're not, not you're there just to survive. Yeah.

Now you're there just to survive and all of a sudden wheel. Yep. Of fortune. Bam. There you go. Forty quarters. Now you got life for another hour. Oh, look at you.

I got life for another hour. Look at you. I'm not looking to break the bank. I just need 40 quarters to kill time. So I don't have to go back to my room and wants a 600 pound man. Or Law & Order, fuck of one more episode. I'm just killing time. I'm a stone as fuck.

Yeah. I ain't bothering nobody at the casino. I got a full pack of nicotine gum. You know? I'm rocking and rolling. I got eight and nine stars in me. You ever get a drink from the waitress? I don't know.

Those glasses always look creepy to me. Yeah. Those Cosby glasses in the casino. That's quick wash glasses? Yeah, those quick wash glasses. I don't know, Doug. It's just a splash of hot water. I won't touch fucking one of those glasses.

Is that all it is? I never even thought about it. Oh, my God. Well, if you got stars in you, then you just need a bottle of water. Listen, if you're on the Remy Martin, where you're betting five times in the hand. I'm not in that row. You're drinking fucking Kaleesh and what's those glasses they got? Cool taff and all that shit.

Rich white people drink out of. I don't fucking know. A chalice? No, no. Graffs? That's Jewish shit. No, no, not collabs. I'm talking about the shit.

I'm thinking about the special glass. What's the special glass? Pieballs? No. Jesus Christ. When you get married and you think like, you know these chicks? They've been sucking 2,000 dicks. Most of them they get married, they're saying an invitation to their wedding,

and they want a bottle that's worth $800. It's because there's a certain type of glass. What type of glass? Crystal? Crystal? Crystal, whatever. I bet when you're in the $5,000 room, you're drinking on a crystal fucking glasses. But when you're in the fucking regular population room, the general population room,

I've never taken one of those. glasses, even in my cocaine days. Damn it. I would go to the bar. Why doesn't you know I just tell anybody this stuff? What's, you just, too, what, how, how stupid do you have to be when you look at those glasses? No, they look at those glasses. Yeah.

You can feel, you can see the fingerprints of depression. You could see the breath of fucking, you can see the last three losers. You could see. You could see when they drank and they breathe that camel breath with the, with the nicotine into the glass, where it gave that fog of fog of, fog of yellow. that was also between their teeth and between their armpits. That's the shit. Look at those glasses. Next time, I don't give a fuck if they take them back there and they steam clean those things at 59 degrees.

Those things are still fucking disgusting. They get five or six fingerprints a day. Okay. And I can't have a drink. Did you see one of the casinos I go to got raided and shut down for a couple days? Which is a casino you got that? The bicycle casino. I went there.

I went there the day it happened. I pulled up. Yeah, they got robbed, didn't they? No, they didn't get robbed. People were running money laundering schemes. Yeah, oh, that's what happened. Where's the bicycle club right here? Like, seven, yeah.

On the 715 or something. Yeah, it's right near downtown. I'm not really sure. They used to do. And Gabriel glaciers in 1998 used to run a comedy show there. On Wednesday nights, they paid you $35. And you didn't get the money to the next day. So the next day after five, you had to go down there and pick up your $35

bucks in the heart of traffic you know what that's like down there five in the fucking afternoon oh yeah the bicycle club casino Lee you're lucky sometimes you're alive you know that oh yeah Ari used to ask I remember he was the first person ever told me when we played poker down there he would be like

you gotta get a person to walk you out and give him a little bit of money or Ari what um excuse me come with me and he had the guy walking out to his car see I only go with a couple hundred dollars so I never but I don't know that Lee And look at you and you got a G-note

And you get hitting the head with a pipe And they're like, I'm 18 stitches They took your fucking $200 And you're like, I should have had a thousand It would have been worth it Oh my God All those fucking clubs You're gonna get in the head

I'm into commerce I don't go to commerce Oh I used to go to commerce All the time The secret of commerce Those places you got to go to date Commerce is where They got Chinese food

The Chinese mafia is that Sure You know why Because you're a fool You gotta go there like 10.30. Ari and I used to go at midnight. We were going to go at midnight.

And if you made your money by, you'd beat the rush hour traffic at home by 6 a.m. But if you didn't make your money, you'd have to stay to like a little bit later. You know, otherwise, if you don't want to leave at 8, you'd be sitting in traffic the hallway home. I don't know how you guys could sit out there all night. We played for a while.

That's scary shit. I love it. I play blackjack, so I have to learn poker. Oh, really? Yeah. But it's creepy. The Chinese food's not bad at the bicycle. Yeah. To be honest. I haven't been to the bite. Oh, my gosh.

I've got to be the only years. Excuse me. But the other one I'd been there maybe 10 years ago when Rudy had it and the Chinese food wasn't fucking Chinatown. But it wasn't bad. At least it was in the neighborhood. The bike, I mean, what's the other one? Hollywood Park's now not even there anymore. No, it's going to be the stadium now.

Yeah, it's nice. The new one. Yeah. They made a new casino. Oh, but that's where the stadium's going to the football team. Yeah. So they made the casino. It's beautiful.

It's beautiful. Nice, yeah. And then they have San Manuel, I've been to. Oh, really? Yeah. How is that? That one's actually pretty nice. That one's actually pretty nice.

That one's like a little Vegas. It's not bad. It's expensive, but just don't get the taco. It was like the worst tacos I've ever eaten. I thought it might have been lizard meat. I stopped eating them. It was terrible. Lizard meat.

But the blackjack is good. Yeah, I don't play anything. I haven't played like eight years. I don't know what I'm doing. No, I know. but I'm just also like, I'm tired after the shows now. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing.

It takes so much time and patience. I know I did it like two or three times and it wasn't for me. One time I put money down on the blackjack table and two people yelled at me. Nobody fucking draws on 18. I just something fucking retarded. They're like, you blew the table.

So I was like, what the fuck? I don't know dick about dick. That's how I am. roulette. I learn a little bit, but then I always am, you know, I'm stone or whatever. I can't remember what it is. If I got to learn. I put things down and then people, they hit you with the stick. Don't touch this. You're like,

oh, I didn't. Yeah. If I got to learn to lose money, I don't want to learn. Yeah. I'd rather stay stupid and lose on my own than learn to lose fucking money, you know? No, you don't. I always trust. You get that sweet wheel of fortune, 40 to 400 quarters. But that's the thing. I can put a 20 in a fucking machine

and go, once this is over, it's over. And I go back to my room. I couldn't do the same with blow I couldn't do the same with egg rolls You can be 10 egg rolls at midnight with a bag of weed Come back at 6 See how many are left 6?

10 30 Well no 6 he's already I will fucking wake up to pee And while I'm peeing and eat an egg roll Dipping that real hot mustard from Chan's Oh I love the mustard Oh my God When it burns like your nostrils and shit

On the first bite Oh, my fucking God. What do you got going on, right of Zizi? What's happening? No TV. Nobody's calling these cock suckers. No, not right now. Nothing right now.

They're doing this. We'll see what happens. It's doing this new Chris Rock Sandler movie on Long Island this summer. So I'm going to be out there. So hopefully there'll be something in that. But, you know, stand up. I love it.

I'm on the road doing, where am I next? Alahoya in a couple weeks, the 19th of May, and then comics. Mohegan Sun, first week of June, 8th, 9th, and 10th. What was I, Lee? Was I at comics? Tell them, I got to just go pee real quick. Which one? No, you were, I believe you were at Foxwoods.

Because it moved. Yeah, it would move from Foxwoods. Now it's at Mohegan Sun. Right, and he was at the theater at Foxwood, I believe. Yeah, the theater. Right, okay. for one night. Yeah, that was cool. So, and you're also doing a podcast now.

Now do my podcast. Hear me this book, which you're the producer of, man. Thank you very much. Very good job at that. How many stars do you eat before you produce my podcast? Usually zero. Usually zero. But tonight it'll be 11. Amazing.

You don't really do edibles that often? You know what? I haven't in a while. I have a little bit more recently because it's just chiller nights and stuff. But yeah, it definitely hits me differently. What is it like being hanging around your kids? Is it weird? Do you try not to do it?

It depends on the situation. Like usually it's like a, you know, like a late night situation or more of a controlled environment. If we're going to watch a movie or something like that, I don't know mine. But for me, it's not that much. I don't lose really my I'll never go like 2,200 milligram fucking like.

No, no. Would you take a full edible or would you just like smoke a joint? I'm gonna go home to, I could go home right now and hang out and be fine. Right. Okay. But, you know, it's not like a.

It's not like an every night thing. But if I ate like three more stars, it would be a whole different thing. That would be a fucking, a vibe. Okay. water, Joey? That would be a different situation.

What would you feel like? I'd feel pretty fucking high. You're doing one and you're pretty high. No, no, he was asking me about edibles because I don't really eat edibles that much. I usually just smoke or I vaporize. So, thank you, buddy. Can I grab one of those

the... Chocolate? Yeah, the chocolates? Sure. These are perfect for you. Perfect. This is good because you get stone and you get the munchies and you eat those fucking things. Bam. And they put you in a different plant.

Lee, did you finish yours? No. I'm not going to eat one to it. Okay. What's the difference? I had, fucking, like, 19 stars. Oh, okay. You didn't have 19 stars.

I close to it. This is the book I brought you. Since you like books. My brother Sam? Fuck, yeah. Did you ever read this? No. This is you, brother.

That's a good book. I mean, it was written by Bill Kennison with another guy. So Bill's his brother, right? Bill's his brother. There's chapters in there. Let me get a chocolate here. What am I, a fucking orphan? What am I, diabetic?

Give me a fucking thing. Pay me no mindless? This is, uh, it's interesting. It's his brother's story. You know, this guy had it all. Went on fucking Howard Stern and went to war. with Howard Stern. But,

look at your boy, he's about to puke over there. Oh, I'm so high. That's all right. He's a chocolate blueberry. He's good for you. It keeps you regular. Yeah. Man.

Talks about Houston. Yeah, that's where he started. Houston, right? I mean, I know. What? Oh, boy. With Bill Hicks and that. Together?

Mm-hmm. You have no. idea people I deal with. Get ready, get ready, get ready. What? Oh, my God. Look at this. Do this process? Okay.

Hold on. Just to be honest, fair. How many? Are these all 250? God damn. Holy shit. Are they all? No.

They're 25. Okay. Pop another one. What's... Okay. So it's 25. I've had 75. I've had 2275.

I think I'm doing okay. No, you might as well, you can't end up with 275. No, you've got to have an even number, right? What's 75 and 25? That's an even number. Zero. I'll pop another one myself.

You know, I'm not going to let tell me. You think I'm going to throw you to the holes by yourself? Look, look. If you want to see me puke, you'll all and make me in another one. I don't want for you a puke. Eat another one. Let's do this.

You want to go down like 82275? Yes, I do. What happens? You have to go to the hospital tonight. And they ask you how many milligrams rate? 2275. That's terrible. Why?

They'll be like, that's crazy. No one's ever, no humans ever taking that much. Like I was saying. What I really liked about the book was, they talk about going to the store and eating the fruit

because they were so hungry. Yeah. Grip. Poor. And I remember how, I remember how the store was there for. for me at that time.

I was a regular shit. Mm-hmm. So I was allowed to hang out there. But that was a time, like, if I went to the store and there was food at the store, oh, shit. It was game on. It was game on. You know.

I heard he used to buy, when he was on the road, like doing fucking concerts and stuff, he used to order pizzas to the store, just having delivered. Kinsen. Just for the staff, you know? Yeah, because... Generous. You knew that what it was like to go to the store. at 9 o'clock and be hungry.

Oh, yeah. And figure out. You know you have the whole fucking shift. And some nights you're like, well, I just borrow $10 from Renaziz and get a sandwich on the way home. But wait a second. Game over. I get two slices of pizza, maybe a third. Oh, shit.

I can still borrow a 10 from Renazizzi. And I got a nice breakfast coming in my way and shit. Or so-and-so, you know, brought in a fucking plate half a tray lasagna because, you know, his baby got christened and left it in the back and you just slice off a fucking piece, throw it in the microwave. That was it. Yeah, I've had that on my shelf for a few years. I had that book, and before I moved to Los Angeles, I had that book, and I lost it.

When my car got towed, when I lived in my apartment on Sunset, the apartment got towed, that was one of the things they towed. So somebody gave me this a couple years back, and I read it twice, and, you know, I got the emotional stuff. I mean, Kenneson was one of the reasons. Like, when I saw that whole Rodney Dane, you feel special, Kennison was a fucking wild motherfucker and what he was doing at the store

was a complete different level like people going to see him at midnight Yeah they would show up to go see him They would show up to go see him Which is a weird thing Like you knew at midnight Kenneson was going up And there'd be musicians

And fucking actors Anybody who did blow Pretty much in those years was there Models Which was everybody You know it was just a lifestyle In the Sunset Boulevard But to be cool, you had to go see Kennison at midnight.

You know how cool that is for that to happen to a comic on Sunset? Yeah. The industry would go down there and watch her every night and go, what else do we have to do? No one is he got people down here, but Springsteen was here two times when I was here last week. You know, shit like that. That's what people fucking...

So that's what he was going through. But he also talks about, like, going up there and eating the fruit and the fucking bartender is chasing him out. So it's a pretty interesting. book. I hope you enjoy it. Yeah, I'm going to definitely read it. I read, I read a lot of comics. I read, I read a couple of comedians. I read Norms. I read

Artie Lang's. Artie's was good, you know, it's got some crazy stories in it, but there's a lot of stuff that I didn't know about, or I don't know about him, so and you know, the stories that, from what I can gather, about the store, are going to be so amazing because, you know, we know

so much about it. It's just, it's such a familiar place. Um, you know, it's weird how... How many, were you... I don't know how long he's been dead. I think his anniversary was last week or the week before or the week before. I think it was 90, 90, 92 or something like that. And I've always heard, like you've always heard about the people who as normal people act,

tell you what you want to hear about his days. at the comedy store. April town, he died. Yeah, see, it was his anniversary. What year? 92? Yes, sir. People always tell you

what you want to hear. Like, oh, Lee was a great dude, man. He was so funny at the fucking store. It's funny how I've had 10 people come up to me with those stories. But the one who blew my mind

was Mitzi Shaw. Like, afterwards. set and done. Like this is Metty Shore 2003 maybe when she still had a wits to her and stuff. Yep. We had a conversation one night

and when Sam's name came up she just, everybody was scattered and she just wanted a 20 minute quiet tirade to me and what Sam had done to the store and what Sam was doing at first. But what was doing at first, but

what he had become and, you know, that, you know, she had heard stuff about a saint up on the roof and crazy. She goes, it was just fucking crazy. She goes, I knew kind of what was going on, but I didn't want to know what was kind of going on. And I could say, you know, for an hour's, I could, but it just

came back like a lot of people who I got to meet would say, you know what, I got to be honest with you? It wasn't that good when he was up at the store. It was kind of weird. It got kind of crazy. Really? It got kind of...

This is a different... In any situation, as we saw with Dane at the Impra at the Laugh Factory, a comic becomes too comfortable in his home. I mean, at the end, he was banned. And then he got a billboard across the street from Mitzie with something on it that...

So when she looked out the window, she saw his billboard, he shot a gun up there. There's still a hole in the fucking thing he shot the gun up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's just a lot of things, you know. At first he was the coming of, and then Mitzie said that it was just really weird.

Everybody got up there, the click that had become, and once she died, he died in a way she was happy because that click broke up, and she wanted to break it up. She just didn't know how she was going to do it, because how can you throw Sam out? Yeah. But it was funny that she had banned Sam.

Sam was banned, I think. at the time of his death. Well, she banned a lot of fucking people. And, you know, I mean, I could totally see her banning people. You know,

that was her way of being like, you're not, you know, that's your penalty. You know how much you want to be here. I know how much you want to be here. I know how much you love performing. So you can't come here.

And that was fucking probably, you know, it probably happened multiple times. She never banned me. Never banned you? I never got banned either. No, no, no, I was always on my best behavior in that. I mean, I got put in the fucking penalty box plenty of times

Of like no spots for a couple weeks. I think I'm putting a penalty box once or twice up there. But never, no, I was always cool with it to be honestly. I was very... Getty pass for me was a bitch. Took me a couple years. More than a couple years. Well, yeah, like four years, three years.

But... My friend's having open heart surgery on the 7th. My wife is leaving for a week. I do brayer, the 8th, 9th, and 10th. I got a free ticket from Virgin. I got to use before July. When he told me last week he was having open heart surgery, I said, you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to take that ticket and go visit him. Nobody loses. He's my childhood friend. Why can't I go say hello and surprise him in the hospital? he says he's only going to be there for five days so I gotta wait till Tuesday to my wife comes back I just can't get on a fucking plane the next day after she gets back after a week of not seeing that fucking kid yeah so by that time he'll be out of the hospital so I'm kind of upset about it but at the same time if God wants me there he'll put me there you know what I'm saying that's that's the way

you got to look at things sometimes you can't get pissed off so where would you have to fly to. Newark. Newark. That's where Virgin would take me into. Yeah. The return flight with Virgin is a motherfucker. What are you going to go back from? One o'clock. Oh, really? The way Newark direct to you. Even though Newark, at that term, I got some good-ass

crab cakes with two eggs on the sally side up. Yes. These are world-class crab cakes. You could even order them and have them sent to your house while you're at the fucking airport. That's how strong they have. Really? Sting by Newark Virgin. I know you're going to get the two eggs with the two crab cakes.

We've got it. Two pieces of wheat toast. You're not walking out of there. You get on the plane ready to fucking take a napin'u. Oh, it's the greatest. You miss shooting the TV show? Yeah, I miss working. I like a regular schedule for a little bit.

When you first got the full-time gig on TV, how long did it take you to get acclimated to the schedule? A couple. Well, the... the single, I'd only never done like those single camera shows that are shot, you know, like long days. So I kind of was used to that. Everyone was sort of used to that. I never did a four camera in front of an audience show.

So those hours are real short and kind of easy. But it took me, it took me a couple weeks to get used to like the schedule of like what we were going to do and how long we were going to work. And then it got me, it took me about two years to get used to like how I'm going to split my, year up. You know, I'm going to write, well, I'm going to shoot the show for like four months. I'm going to tour for four months. I'm going to try to do like a movie or something else for a month. You know, like, try to break it down. It took me like a little bit of time to figure out like how to break down my year. I like a schedule and I like sort of, that's how I like to

break down, you know, how I work. So, you know, for me, it took me about two years to figure that out. I just tapes a pair of donuts a few weeks ago. That's four camera, right? Yeah. Yeah. I was there like fucking zip, zooms, zap. Easy. You're in and out of there. Great catering. And it's so weird how you sit there and, you know,

do I want to do this full time at this age? You know what I mean? You know, I can do some of the hoopla. Some of the hoopla is not necessary. The thing about it, like you said, you gain 20 pounds of season. With the bagels and the locks and the fuck

and they had everything. Like you said, great catering. They had an espresso machine, double expressos. You know Uncle Joey banging out with the stevia. Walking around like fucking Thurston Howe the Third and shit, shaking hands with people. Hey, how are you? I'm doing expressos and shit. They had soda machines filled with stuff I thought about Lee.

The one day I was there, they had cheese enchiladas and Korean barbecue that looked like somebody's spray paint. I didn't touch it. I didn't touch that shit. Listen to me. somebody had spray paint that I stuck with the cheese enchilada I know those fucking people you know what I'm saying cheese enchiladas got more fucking credibility than Korean barbecue of my world yeah me too I've no Mexicans to 2000 fucking years poor Koreans they can beat up on lately the dud the whole fucking thing the dud the second dud in the row yeah they're not going to get that

well he's going to keep firing up those duds so he gets one to stay up that's scary and he don't know where that motherfucker's pointed to No, they don't know But they can't get it in the air You think they know what's gonna fucking land They can land in New Jersey or New Zealand They don't give a Frenchman's fuck, Jack How you doing Lee? See Lee?

Why you don't train on the weekends? Well, no one does 2275, I'm fine Then you leave here on Mondays Oh, man got up I'll call you tomorrow morning You're still sleeping at 10 What happened? I'm never sleeping at 10

Oh please are you sleeping? Oh my call. Oh, cold and shit. Will you stay, how late will you stay up until tonight? Probably four or five. Man. Yeah. That's why he's got to do another star.

See, if you did, what's the number again? 2275. She should just do a red one. No, I shouldn't. That'll put you at $2,400 even if you just do a little 125. A little two-toe. See, what's the difference at this point? 2275, $2,400.

Who gives a fuck? Who's counting? Penny in for a pound. Yeah. Sure. You're as tough as now. Mix it with a little chocolate. You know what I'm saying?

A little chocolate, red star, cherry with the chocolate. You could sell that shit, Lee. Mix a star with a fucking chocolate bonbon, all the leaves. You just gave away the secret recipe. Yeah, that's right.

I can't sell it anymore. I fucked up. What's the last book you've read that you liked? I just read this book, The Hike, we were on vacation for a week. It was this crazy story that my friend Paul told me about. This guy goes on a business trip, right?

Normal family, wife, two kids, decent life, goes on a business trip, checks into the hotel, you know, the key, everything that we go through. And then he has a meeting at like 7.30 at dinner. It's like 1 o'clock. He goes, I'm going to go for a hike. Any trails?

The lady goes, yeah, there's one up back there. He goes up on a trail. Zing, ping, bang, boom. You can still see the hotel. All of a sudden he sees these guys killing this guy. and they lock guys with him and he runs and he starts

he just runs in the other direction they're running after him he gets lost turned around and before you know it he's in this fucking crazy like mind-bending dream world where he's now like

walking around I mean he gets crazy he becomes a crab dimensions he's gone for what feels like hundreds and hundreds of years he meets himself constantly in different forms.

And at the end, he gets like basically a decent life ahead of him and he gets a choice like, do you want to go back to your life that you had before or like you can be a ruler here and he chooses to go back not knowing it for like what the consequences are? And, you know, then he goes back.

It's pretty fucking, it was crazy. It was like a, you know, a two and a half day read. I didn't you don't learn anything It's just kind of a A nice little mind-bending trip Just something to read on a plane Yeah but I've never really read those before I always just read biographies

So It's funny that I have a In my office I have like a Computer in a desk And On a wall I have like pictures of my hell street And have pictures of

My friends who I grew up with and high school teachers and just regular shit that most people wouldn't have. I just keep it there as a reminder in a way. It's so weird that some nights I get stoned and I'll be fucking around on the computer

or maybe I'm on Facebook returning messages or whatever. And I'll look at those pictures and something will frustrate me and I'll go, you know what? It really doesn't matter because someday I'm going to go home. like in my mind for five minutes I actually believe that one day

I'm going to stop doing what I'm doing and I'm going to go back to North Bergen and it's going to be just how it was and not he's across the street the Clemens is down the block with crabs up the corner Frank the Fruit and fucking Grace of

that is the guy's Frank the Fruit yeah Grace Savoy I was licensed that fruit yeah fruit He lived in it though. He enjoyed it. And then I go, what the fuck am I thinking about?

What the fuck is my... And then I go to myself, wait a second. Wouldn't that be an interesting thought if you could live and at one point they come back to you and go, you know what? And I grow up from my history, you were in love with?

And you guys broke up because she wanted to join the army. He meets a girl like that on the trip where he's like, where he attempted, yeah, sliding doors. I'm just saying that they give you a chance to go back or stay with what you got now. And usually what you have now is a beautiful family, two kids, a great wife. You've got a great life.

But what if, what if for the sake of argument, what if you were to stay with that girl? You know, like, this is the shit sometimes at night when I'm right. And I'm like, yeah, like, I'm just going to stop what I'm doing and go right back to Northburg in 1980. Like in the back of my mind today, it still fucking exists. Somewhere in a deep, deep fucking corner that still exist in my mind. I swear to you. Yeah. I'm going to stop doing what I'm doing.

And just go home, yeah. And just go home. Which home will be fucking when I'm dead. I'll be buried over there and we're walking cemetery. So I'll be right down there by giving that terrace. God forbid. well else you got going on that's it just a road writing the podcast now because life gets real jack yeah but my parents do that too every

time we talk and they talk about like they have their plots picked out my mother will go off she'll tell you exactly what coordinates she'll i'm in c 38 your father's in c 39 they're next to each other so it's not a long walk from the parking lot so you won't have to worry about you know when you come to visit me and you will and how far it is. You know, she... My mom likes to... She lives in that misery.

That's like her... Her neutral. When you're 28, you see an advertiser for a financial theater on you. Like, fuck that. If I die, let my fucking family pay for it, those miserable fucks.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. When you hit 50, you go, hmm, why don't I pay for it? Just in case one of these miserable fucks doesn't come up with the money. I just want to die in peace.

Yeah. That's when you become really crazy when you actually go down there and pay for your funeral in advance. There's some part of me that that is fucking crazy. My parents have done it. Like me walking down and they go, how you doing, Mr. Bonicova? Listen, I don't know what I'm going to go. My feet hurt. I got a slight pain in my fucking neck.

Look, all signs are saying that either I'm doing this now or someone's coming by pretty soon with a credit card number. What's the vague for me paying this out front right now? Give me a window slot. got left in the cemetery. Yeah, give me a window. And give me a cash number, please. Listen, I'm going to give you a suit pretty soon. Can you throw a limo in?

Limo rife, my family. Limbo drive. Let me prepay this motherfucker. I even want to tip here for the flower guy. You know why? Because that's how I wrote, Mr. Pani Culver. Like, that's the point when you're fucking nuts. Lee, I've told you this.

Life gets real when you're 50. That's when life begins. The rest of this shit. shit is bullshit. If you think I would have told you this 30 years ago, you're crazy. Once I hit 50, I got a life. It's crazy, Doug, with the baby praying before dinners, then we both look at each other and go, attack.

What the fuck does this with you? I love it. I love it. It's just, it's too different. I was talking to the fucking hypnotist today, because I went to the hypnotist someone. And we're talking about fears. You know, what fears I got?

You don't understand. I never had a family like this. We go to the park like the human beings. We eat cheese and crackers at the park like fucking, like with Gentiles and shit yesterday. She's eating yoga covered raisins. We got two beach towels out like Puerto Rico because my wife forgot the picnic tape. The picnic fucking blanket. So my daughter goes, go get the blanket, mommy.

She goes over and comes back with two fucking towels. I go, what happened? You forgot? You were coming here? you got building a blank with the hand. The kid's been talking about all morning. You forgot about the fucks. A picnic, picnic.

It was crazy because I had my jiu-jitsu bag and everything. I'm going to go right from the hypnotist to jiu-jitsu. I call my wife. She goes, listen, I don't know what you guys talked about this morning, but I asked if she wants a snack. And she goes, she's not eating until daddy gets here. Then you tell her you were going to go to the doctor and come here. I go, I don't know what the fuck I told her,

but I guess I'll go over to the goddamn park. I'll go to J-Jitsu Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. So that's why I did today. It's just really interesting. I can't imagine with two of them when it's easy. My heart goes out to you. It's a lot. Well, next year, thank goodness, they'll go to the same school.

Right now it's like they go to two different schools. So you pick out, pick up, drop off one, drop off the other. Pick up one, pick up the other. My wife's like a, you know, a bus service back and forth. But yeah, it's a lot. My youngest turns five tomorrow. It's his birthday. What are you doing with him?

Tomorrow we go to dinner. You know, we'll go to like the pizza place he likes down the corner. And then Sunday, we'll party at the park. It's amazing. You want him to ask you, let's go to, you know, Honey Morton's dad. And you bring it up, you only go to Morton's, let me get your steak. Yeah. No.

I don't like this, Paris. Let's go to the pizza place. You're like, listen, I'd rather eat puke. But if you like it. Yeah, we'll do it. I started to go to McDonald's. my daughter the last year. Yeah.

And every time I go, I see her for what the fuck it is. And I tried to switch it up. What do you get? I always get the same shit for the last, every time I go to McDonald's, the last 50 years, I've got the same shit.

When I was a kid, you only got an option of a Big Mac. Big Mac, yeah. And I disappeared from McDonald's scenes from a few years. And when I made a comeback, they had a thing called the quarter pounder with cheese.

But I didn't like that I had to stick my fingers in the sandwich and pull the pickle up. You'd like the pick a lot. You can't say no pickles. Now you can't. But not 20 years ago.

The quarter pound. You get pickle and fucking spit. Now you can sound like the fucking pickle out cock suck that. So when I started going back on my daughter. What does she get? What do you think they get? The chicken nuggets, right? Yeah, the nuggets, that fucking death meal.

That's why people become fat. But listen, I wouldn't, we discourage it. I know. It's tough, though. You're going to get a McDonald run one every 10 days. You're going to have to do a McDonald run one every 10 days. And that comes to terms of that. It's when you're taking your kid in there three nights in a row.

Oh, yeah. Where it's a fucking prom. And then we're eating McRibbs and all that shit that God knows it's eyeballs and pigeon tails and shit. You know, you don't know what the fuck you're eating in those things. So, you know, after she plays soccer on a Saturday, we go. Yeah. I get the Wopper Jr.

I went on a limb about three months ago when they had the Big Mac Jr. It's one patty that's a little small. Oh, really? And the junior Big Mac? It was delicious. Yeah. I can't lie. It was delicious for about two times.

And then he just went one day and got it and I'm like, oh, I taste this fucking. Yeah, this is bad news. It tastes his horse meat. No, no. It's fucking straight up horse meat. Pigeon claws. The one I can't do anymore is Taco Bell. I used to love Taco Bell.

shouldn't be able to do that for the last 10 fucking years. There's too much good stuff out here, but I'd still, Taco Bell is like a weakness of mine. Really? Not a weakness of mine 100%, but like, I wouldn't go there my first choice, but I could still do it if I had to. It's so funny how it's around the corner from where I live, and I have not gone there one time. But I would rather get one on the street from any street place you can get. But there's nothing like the tacos from there. the 49 cent tacos

and McDonald's is that way you get it from? No, I don't know I never They had macdonald They had tacos at McDonald's No, a taco bell What the fuck am I saying?

I'm stone Taco Bell's got some type of tacos Yeah, they got like 49 cent tacos Yeah you get like three tacos For like $1.50 Okay, so you got that And I like the burrito

Supreme What is it? Is that what it's called? Yeah, but see here's the thing I only go when I'm stoned Late at night And at late at night They have like

All the things are stale all the all the oh the the the the raps are always staling the wraps are still the raps you know like the taco shell and you get the soft taco you know the corners the all that the outside is all like i wish only the card is this book i've gotten the whole thing still i've even got the cracks i've even got the hard tacos stale i've had hard tacos be still there before i drive past that place and with all the nutrition information that goes out blah blah blah blah blah blah blah there's a line fucking corner constantly. They're next to a Thai place.

And that fucking Thai place, they're out there yelling and screaming half the fucking time. Shut the fucking doors down. You're killing me here. Who's going to eat this fucking Thai shit when you people coming in here eating this Taco Bell? And it's really not meat, correct?

Like, you know that going on it. It's soy meat. I don't know. There's a percentage meat. There's some meat in it, but there's There's other stuff in it, too. You know it should all be meat, right? It should be, yes.

What do you think is in there beside the meat? As you're eating at, Lee, it's two in the morning, you're throwing down 10 tacos, and you're chewing through that meat. What are you really thinking in your heart? Like, are you? I'm just curious. I mean, how old were you when you realized Taco Bell you were eating somebody's foot, mixed with meat?

Look at the look at this face. I would probably say, it would be like, yeah, it'd probably be like animal meat. So when did you realize there was animal meat in that besides? I don't know that. It's delicious. So when you're reading, you don't ever think about it? I haven't had it for a while.

Well, I know you had it, but while you were having it. No, of course. You never think about a while you. No. Jesus Christ, I'm eating somebody's toenail. Oh, Jesus. Round it up over this beef. That's what kills me.

that I just, listen, I know that you eat shit everywhere, even when you're not cooking. No, sorry about that. There's a lot of shit out there. You know, you have to cook for yourself. You don't know what the fuck they're putting in there or giving you for that sense. But with Taco Bell, you know going in.

They're giving you soy meat and 30% of fucking some cows' shoulder. I got shot during a war. The meat is my. your meat, they grind, you know. They're cutting corners. All that stuff. Sure, they're cutting corners.

That's how they're corporate. That's how they make a profit. You know, by charging. It's just, I love their sour cream. They got the best sour cream in the business, Taco Bell. The fucking best. That's why I get it, but they, it's not good.

They put too much now. I like the tacos at the sour cream, and I love the burrito supreme with sour cream. It's how to be 10, 15 years as I ate Taco Bell. It's not as good anymore No? No I would never

My wife made tacos tonight She didn't She's not great at that Like it's like the East Coast kind Like the ground beef Exactly Yeah because they cook the ground beef Like it's a hamburger

Yeah exactly They don't see you They don't do nothing They cook and they look at you Yeah You know they put in a taco She's worried about She's cutting the

You know The cheese up the right way Yeah They put cheese To win Letus Can you worry about the meat A little more

There's no flavor You gotta dope up the meat Let's dope it Let's marinated before we put it in there. Let's cut it up. Let's get some taco seasoning. Let's go online. Let's look for some nice taco meat.

Different fucking preparations here. Oh, my God. I'm sorry, guys. I'm just law on the fucking eyesight. So what are the dates you got coming up, does it? I'm going, yeah. So La Jolla Comedy Story, May 19th, and 20th, and comics of Mohican Sun, June 8th, 9th, and 10th.

and I'll be on the East Coast for a little bit doing something in July too Huntsville, Alabama, going to that club the stand-up live down there. I'll be there next year. All right. I'll be there in August. Because I did Nashville this year

and that's an hour and a half from Nashville. Yeah. So break them up, do one, do the other one and why fuck around, you know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. Why take your chances? Fuck yeah. What's going out, Lee?

How are you feeling? you're feeling good, aren't you? Look at you. Absolutely. You're happy you showed up and shit. It's fucking Monday, May 1st. The rent is due. You've got to be on fucking point

the rest of the goddamn month. Like I said to you, this weekend, I met wise guys in Salt Lake City. Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with? Mormons, Strabap-A-Paron. The Mexicans will be out Friday for Cinco the fucking Mayo in Salt Lake City.

What are you nuts? Saturday, I'll be there again for two shows. Then the following week, Detroit is done. So you got to go with fucking the Turner Ballroom in Milwaukee. There's a couple tickets left. Don't fuck around. I'll see you guys either or. And that's that, motherfuckers. I'm happy you tuned into the church tonight. I'm happy Steve Rizzzi came by. Thank you for having me, buddy. Don't forget to get the book, Brother Sam. So when Steve covers it on his show, you guys can follow it in there. Look through the book. I guess I got notes I'm going to take over the world

Sometimes I write notes In the middle of that I get high And I put a shit in notebooks God I hope that there is And you'll see the plan I was going to take over A fucking world I found a card

And the whole fucking thing here What type of card is it? Mike Castellano Don't tell the names No names You understand me No fucking names Let me see what this card is here

Like I said people give me Oh yeah This guy's long guy This poor bastard What is he Founder? the CEO. Call this number.

What do you want to make a bet this thing is done? He's on to a new fucking thing. Thank you, buddy, for giving me the book. Absolutely. Again, this show brought to you by Honnet. Go to Honit.com right now and get 10% off any of their supplements. With Alphabrain, you got 100% money-back guarantee if you don't like it. You know what?

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I love you. You know, we don't fuck around. I love it. I got to drop knowledge on people. Elton John for you, motherfuckers. 1980 fucking two. The fuse is just like ice. There's a cold and lonely light. And I'm like to rig you high.

The love in a simple way. And if you need to know while I'm still standing, you just fade away. Don't you know? Feeling like a little kid I'm still standing after all this time Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I'm still standing I'm still standing Everything Looking like a true survivor