The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #486 - Celia Behar

Episode Date: May 31, 2017

Celia Behar, President of thelilmamas.com, who was recently featured on Yahoo speaking about her use of Marijuana to cure her postpartum depression, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:  Five Four Club - Go To Fivefourclub.com and use Promo code JOEY for 50% of your first month's package plus a free pair of sunglasses.   Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/JOEY for 20% off of your first order.   ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order of portable devices that spray your butt with water.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 05/30/2017.
  

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Just use our special URL, meandies.com slash Joey, and get 20% off your first pair. Hit it, Lee. Oh shit. May 31st, you bad motherfuckers. Iron Maid to get this party started. What? Uncle Joey. Celia Bayhar

Lysayat Here we go Are you fucking kidding me or what Break out the fucking syringes It's over Meet me in Seattle We're going deep today Over at child

Here we go Wash that monkey The Churchill has happened now Welcome Welcome to Podcastville You bad motherfuckers Uncle Joey here You're safe, you're warm

Everything's beautiful Lee Syatt's here, giggling up a storm. I don't know if I'm safe. You're always safe, cocksucker. Uncle Joey's here. And when I'm guest tonight is the beautiful Celia Behar from littlemommies.com. Little mamas. Little mamas, mommies, whatever the fuck.

You know what I'm saying? Depends with the time of the day. If it's at night, you ain't got me. But maybe two in the afternoon. Who gives a fuck? Do you mind coffee breath? Anyway, what's happened? Nothing.

Good to have you on the show. Get close here so we can hear you. You're beautiful. Thank you for having me. New York, motherfucker. It's not that bad. What's up with you, Lisa? You know, where they look like fucking, like Tiger Woods headshot.

Looking at the eyes all fucked up. I feel like Tiger Woods headshot right now. I don't know. You always say, like, you have these different, I don't know anything about wheat. So you have all these black hairs and red hairs. I don't know what you're putting in that bong. But it's craziness. You need to know.

Who cares? I can give it a name. I can make a make believe. I have this, I have carrot 28, I have, you know, Irby and gold. I can make any fucking name. He gave you the no name anyway. I give you the no name.

Yeah, I don't need to know the name. I just, like, I feel like the other ones may be tested in the lab, and these are ones he's getting from someone who's, like, growing them in some secret solution or. I mean, I'm only hung out with you guys for a little bit, but I think you, like, you actually are the lab. Yeah, pretty much. I could tell.

We're the lab. I don't make him doing that. I don't do. I do everything he does and double. He knows that this day. Yeah, no, I'm not. complaining. I'm just saying like, but I don't know how you do that. I don't know how your lungs have that capacity. It is impressive. Because when I moved to Colorado when I was 19 and I started

doing bong hits up there and that transition period, you have that period where your lungs, they have a word for it. Why George, why you go up and explode? No, no, no, no. What's that thing that George Mastavar went to Denver? Acclimate. You acclimate your lungs. So it makes your lungs taking more oxygen. So because I was growing up there and doing bongas at that time up there, my lungs always got a little bigger. Plus, I've been smoking for 30 years. It's no fair.

I tell people all the time. I'm not a drinker, not because I'm an alcohol, like I'm a program or a friend of Johns or something. I just enjoyed marijuana better. And the people I wrote, like when we were 15, 16, let's say tonight.

Tonight, you called me said, Joey, what are you doing tonight? I don't know. What are you going to do, Celia? I don't know. My dad's going on tonight. My mom's working. Invite Lee over.

I'll invite my boyfriend, and I'll get a girl to come over. That's what? Six of us? All right. So what do you want to do, Celia? You would go out. I'll tell you what I'll do.

I got a $25 bag. You usually get 27 joints. I'll give it to you guys for 20. Just chipping. Give me the money when you get here. That means I'm coming to your house. And we're going to roll up every joint and a bag. when I was 16

and we would smoke them all we would listen to music out in my friend the villa shed and we would not go home until every joint was gone it was one after the other and God forbid

somebody didn't show up with weed and go put that away and we look at each other like oh fuck that means we're gonna have weed for tomorrow like if somebody showed up

with a bag of weed then we go okay now there's four of us so we'd take the joint home and we you know what I'm saying Instead of fucking sitting, I mean, we would die-hards. We would sit there until every fucking joint was gone.

So I always want people understand that. It's not fair. I've been smoking before the Big Bang fucking dairy. I'm an old man. No. How old were you when you started smoking? 14. 14.

Where did you start smoking? New York City? No, in Connecticut. Westport, Connecticut. What made you smoking 14? A boy, of course. Did you ever, at the time of smoking, did you dream that you were going to smoke? no definitely not no no no no no no me neither no because my parents were you know i got fed all the

you know war on drugs and dare and all that and that was a gateway you know no way how did you feel about alcohol at that time uh i didn't drink i didn't drink most of high school to be fair i i was a can't believe i'm going to admit this but whatever well i was a student educator in my high school, which meant that I, like, signed on and said that I was going to help educate, you know, younger classes by, you know, about drugs and alcohol and their effects. And I took, like, a pledge that I wouldn't drink or do drugs. I held to one of those. Not when you smoked at 14. How long until you went back to smoking again? Well, I started smoking pot at 14. I smoked all through high school and college. Really? Yeah.

I mean, I was, I definitely was like. So why you were a student moderator, you were sneaking Yeah, I still smoked pot when I was a student educator. Now, did you smoke with people? Yeah. Keep it under a hat and shit. No, I smoked. I mean, I had friends that I would smoke with. Would people go look when I'm getting in high with the student moderator?

No. See, thank God that. No, because you know what? At least one of them was also a student educator. So we had like hit it from all the other ones. Like, shh, we're not really doing this. So by this time, what years were this for high school? That was early 90s for me.

So early 90s, they already had like high level drug. Well, I graduated early 90s. They already had a high level drug program. Hell yeah. Yeah, I mean, that rolled out in the 80s, the DARE and all that stuff. There came out when I was, but they never, the only contact I had with cops about drugs were in the first grade in New York City. I barely knew English. I signed my mom to put me, I don't know where to fuck I went to kindergarten. I don't think she put me in kindergarten. She just took me to the bar with her. You know, it was the easiest way. She didn't trust no fucking kindergarten. She was an immigrant mom. So my dad had died.

I was all she had. I doubt she put me in. I don't remember. I remember everything. And I can't. I think I probably did. I think I did go to a, yes, I did. Why am I lying to you people?

I didn't go to the kindergarten and PS166. And then I, so in the first grade, they take you over. They take you over to the whatever precinct is you belong to. And I don't remember the name. I could give it a phony number or some people going to get pissed off at me. And they took you in there, those. days, they let you shoot a 22. They fingerprinted you.

What? They fingerprinted you. In kindergarten? In the first grade, in the first grade, they let you shoot a 22, and then they gave you the bullet to take home. They gave you the target. Different times.

Different, yeah, yeah. What? Like, I can't even imagine my mom, if my mom found out I shot a gun at six. They gave you the target. They gave you a little gun. They gave you a badge. They gave you You had a signed paper.

I don't think I was even allowed to light my fucking menorah by myself when I was in first grade. You signed something and you were like a junior cop. Holy crap. Like you were going to obey precincts, orders, and shit. And I bought into it for a few weeks. I would see the cop walking the beat. I don't know if you should notice, but I'm a junior detective. And I'm on the beat too.

You know what I'm saying? He would look at me like, get the fuck out of here. You fucking retarded. Get the fuck out of here, junior detective. but they also showed you drugs. They showed you marijuana. They showed you, I don't remember what else. You know, at that time, like glue or PCP or something like that.

And I went home and I told my mom, and I could see my mom, I looked at her face, and like two days later, my mom would come here, come in the kitchen. And she had the babysitter with her. She goes, come on the kitchen, sit down. And she just started taking weed out. She goes, this is marijuana. She goes, you know what this is?

This is alcohol. And you know what it does to you? Because you stole a bottle of wine and got fucked up. And that's why you don't drink no more, but you know what it is now. So this is marijuana. She showed me cocaine. Wow. And I didn't know what the fuck.

It was even, I was lying, she goes, if anybody tries to give you this on the street, tell them to go fuck themselves and stuff. And that was it. That was it. We never really discussed it. As I was older, I knew the drug lingo. But I would make believe, like, I didn't know what she was talking about. But I always knew.

And then when I would go to my cousin's homes and shit like that, they parents were involved in it, but the kids didn't know. Like all drugs or just weed? My mom was involved in bookmaking. She had the bar. The bar was the cover. The restaurant was the cover. She was partners in the dry cleaner at the Bronx.

That was another cover. But the main thing was the gambling. The secondary, I was at a bar. So people did drugs at the bar. I saw people with white rings in their nose, and I would sit there and scratch my head. The long finger now. No, there was no, this is the early 70s.

These people didn't want nobody to know. In those days, it was aluminum foil and a matchbook. And they didn't even grind it up. They would take the fingers and take the Coke rocks and put them in their nose. And I would wake up in the mornings. and in those days that's when the all-nighters would start.

So I would get up in the morning and it didn't smell like eggs. It would smell like fucking a pig and black beans and rice and yuca and I would run in the kitchen there'd be 16 people in my house with Cuban music on and everybody's dancing and there's a fucking thing

and nobody's eating. Nobody's eating and they're all sneaking into the kitchen and I would hear and I fucking knew. You know what I was saying? And then my mom would go, look what I'm saying? And then my mom would go, Look what I made for you.

No, my mom would do a couple bumps and get confused, too. I'm hungry. Anybody want to eat? Oh, yeah. We all want to eat. Two hours later, when the meal is done, nobody can eat because they're all fucking jazzed up. So I put it together at a young age. Did I like it?

No, not at all. Did it deter me from it for a long fucking time? Why? Because you didn't like how they acted? I didn't like the whole fucking thing. I didn't like the whole thing. Now, in the 70s, got to remember, if you were. product of the 70s, if you

watch television, on 9 out of 10 shows, let's pretend I was 5 or 6, and I watched the courtship of Eddie's father, I watched Room 222, I watched, I don't know when the Waltons came on, I think the Walton's came on a couple

years later, but any of those TV shows, 80% of those TV shows always involved alcohol. I'll put on shows right now on YouTube that I've watched recently, and And there's a show called All in the Family. It's a family show with Sebastian Cabot and Sissy and Buffy.

And the pilot, he fucking walks in, takes a bottle with no label on it, whatever substance, it's brown. Right. So it could be rye, whiskey, bourbon, scotch. It could be a bunch of different things. Right. Rum. And they would pour a glass. And if you came over, I'd go, Celia, how are you?

And I would never even, in the 70s, it wasn't even thought of me to go. Celia, no, I would pour and give it to you. Right. And you would go, okay, and you drink it in the 70s because DUIs weren't very prevalent then. They weren't. DUIs didn't get prevalently until about 1980. Well, they were. I just don't think anyone got a-

Right, nobody fucking got their shit. Yeah, people would go to the way. Well, that was kind of mad that took over that. Listen, 60% of DUIs, when I was growing up, I would hear it. People go, I was fucked up last night. I got pulled over. What happened? The cop got in my car, and I got in the cop car,

and the other cop drove my car, and they dropped me off in front of my house. Like, shit like that. No way. There was shit like that. It wasn't until mad. Yeah, they would follow you home. 80-81 was when it started.

That's really what I did. I saw that accident when I was a child at 81. I was in an ass in New Year's, and I saw a car breaking half went to a fucking pole. And the people yelling. I remember the girl yelling. The guy was dead dead as disco the chick was yelling and I went home and I go well I learned the lesson I'll never fucking drinking dry right and I remember friends over the years I had a friend that went home

got horny in the middle of the night got in his car he was on quailutes he went into the city got a got a fucking blow job from a hooker while he was getting his dicks up they got a gun to his head they took his money was a scam they took his money He was pissed off because he was almost ready to come. I mean, when he told me the story the next day, and I went 19, and he tells me the story. He goes, I was ready to fucking nut in her mouth. And this fucking Yom puts a gun to my head and fucking threatens to take my money.

They were in on it together. She was giggling. He goes, I just wanted to come. He goes, I was going back home to get my ATM card to get more money. But he goes, as I was hitting Boulevard East, he hit three cars. Like, I've had a couple friends in the early 80s. In fact, one of the kids... That's a bad night right there.

Oh, my God. One of the kids that listens to this show, his brother, when we were going in high school, he had a reputation of never talking. Like if, when he picked you up at night, Celia, get in the car, cock, cock, sucker. What's going on? How are you doing? Celia, you want to do a package tonight? And you're like, no, I just want to fuck that.

Lee, what are you doing? He'd start busting your balls and the whole way up. He'd be torturing you. You know, Celia, we're getting fucked up tonight. I got the shit that killed with him. whatever, and then they get up to Corky's bar, they'd get a package. This guy would do two bumps, and he wouldn't say a word the rest of it. And people go, what the fuck?

You wouldn't shut the fuck up on the, but this was after about two or three years of doing blowing in the early 80s, he stopped shutting up. Like by the mid-80s, he wouldn't say a fucking word anymore. And one night, like in 84, maybe 83, he got a DUI. He didn't get a DUI. He crashed the car, and they brought him in and called his dad. and just to say your son's here he crashed the car

come pick him up he's been drinking like that's what it was like my friend's dad goes down there with the kid Timmy who listens to the show Marblehead and they ask and my friends are a heavy duty guy's dad and he goes where's my son he's right there he goes officer

how was his behavior tonight and he said the cop looked him straight in the face and he goes your son didn't make a peep so Timmy the old man didn't know that he was high, but Timmy knew he was high because he didn't make a fucking, he didn't make a peep. So it's well for him. But that's how it was. For people listening to the show who were young, that's how it was.

If you were cool, if you went on, listen, if you got drunk and went into a fucking tree in those days, okay, and they would come and there was an alcohol in your car, they would tell you car, they would, you know, they wouldn't. There was no consequence. But I think that there was a, there was a something happened in one of the states. it was mad it was mothers against drunk driving that girl died that's what it was because moms can change shit

and a few moms got together and they became a huge movement yeah her daughter died and the person that started her daughter died in a car accident I will never forget seeing like the lifetime movie of this

and being like I will never drink and drive and yeah she died and it was a hit and run drunk driving accident and that mom tracked down who it was and then basically lobbied

and got all these moms together and created mad is what it's called. Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Still exists. No, no, no. They came in this huge movement, this huge coalition. They got that law on the books

for drunk driving. It's crazy because when I go to the store at night, two nights a week, I go to the comedy store, and I go take Laurel Canyon. And I've got to be honest with you. I, on the way home, I drive so defenseless,

so, you know. On Laurel Canyon? Defensive. Defensive, you're right. defensive, it's fucking crazy, especially coming up the hill, I am alert as fuck

watching those cars. I don't play games. I don't like driving that in the night when I'm stupid. I get home and I go, that's the last time I'm driving Lorcanian. And the week later I make the left right there. Instead of driving up deep down and going into Hollywood by the 101 cafe there or something,

no, I fucking shoot up Laurel Canyon and I'm always thinking one of these nights, I'm drunk guy, He's going to come from the valley. He's going to get fucking heroin. He's going to be coming down this fucking hell. He's going to lose control. I'm going to be coming up like an asshole with the Nazis born young.

And I'm going to get hit fucking head on. Real specific. Yeah. That's how it happens. You know, people get ice like that. Don't get ice because they're speed racing. They're at a light. They're driving, minding their business, having a conversation.

All soon you look up and there's a car coming at you. You know, there's a fucking. car coming at you. You know, what do you do? You have to be prepared for that night. You're not drinking. You know, people come up to me at the comedy store at night and they come up to me and say, hey, you want to get high? I don't know. I've got to tell you something. I've already smoked all fucking day. By the time eight o'clock comes, yeah, but the time eight o'clock comes, there ain't nothing left. That can smoke 80 till like, I'm all right already. Look at me. I'm

tip top of goo. I'm fine. You saw me eat chocolate. You saw me eat stars. I know. It lasts for 20, 30 minutes. So I went at night. Tip-top, you know, in California, I feel like I have a privilege. I have this thing in my car, which means shit. I have a card in my wallet, which means shit. Right. If the cops pull me off, like, if I get pulled over with two pounds of weed in my trunk, this legality card that everybody in the country is like, oh, I could love to get one of those.

Does shit. Well, to be fair, it doesn't legalize you having two pounds of weed in your car. Whatever. If the cop wants to take me in, he's going to take me in because I'm being an asshole. Right. So I have a problem. privilege, the same privilege. You have the same privilege we have. When we're in here, you're going to do 20 bonk and Celia? I don't give a fuck. Things get fucked

up. Things get fucked up, Celia. I'll put you in an Uber and we're all happy. You know what? For us to get in the car right now, to go to Hollywood and spark two joints in the car, as much as I smoke pot, as much as I'm a felonious motherfucker, go in my car. There's never weed in

my car. I have joints in there to give away the people. Yeah. the door guys at the store, if the weed store gives me like good perennial joints, I give those to the fucking lot guys. They jump up and down for that weed. Sure, that's awesome. So, but I don't have weed in my car to smoke. I'll never spark in my car.

And in the back of my mind, they give you a fucking privilege, Celia. I agree. Why are we taking advantage of it? Were you walking up and down the street like Cheech and Chong with smoke coming out of your fucking car? Like, who gives a fuck? You know, I would smoke the vapors on the plane. let's face it how high were those vapors really getting me

not really that I so why am I going to have a felony to prove what that I'm Joe cool I have a vapor pen in the sleep apnea machine when I travel but it's just in case I get stuck on an airport for six hours or more but let me tell you something

I get juiced up oh you just eat the edibles I'm going to Long Island June 23rd and 24th and it's my favorite flight in the world This is the flight of death. I started writing music down today so I could put it on my iPod. This is the JetBlue one that you like in the pod that thing?

No, no, no, no, no, no. Because I heard you talk about that. I got a fucking one-way shooting out. I had an old plane ticket I had to use by July 26. Bingo, a virgin. I took the fucking thing. Let me tell you what I saw today, Lee. You're not going to believe what I saw.

And you're going to say, Joey, you're lying to me. But just to educate the people at home when you fly. Because I tell Lee all the time. Lee, when I tell you a Virgin, when I tell you a book a flight on Virgin, right. Do I tell you to get first class? No, sir. What do I tell you to get?

You tell me to get the, uh, well, it's not, it's not cabin, it's main cabin select, okay? I fucking came up with a flight today, people. Just so you know, people who don't travel, kiss yourself, go, I don't travel, because it's, they fuck you in the ass three times, okay? They fuck you. And I saw something today. that the Jew and me almost made me call Lee and go Lee. Look at these motherfuckers.

It was like a bad line. You know what I'm saying? You ever look at a line, you're going to gamble Lee? New England's at home giving three points to the team who was 0 and 19 last year. What the fuck? Who's not playing? Brady ain't showing up? What?

Lee, it was the same thing. You ready? There's a flight that goes out of LAX. Same flight. One flight. I think it leaves at 1.30 in the afternoon. and it gets the LAX Kennedy at 11, something like this. That flight had first class for $969,

and Maine Cabin Select was $1,099. That's how hot Maine Cabin Select is. Oh, my God. But the word got out and people started making it. You can't get a seat on Main Cabin. You know why? Because you could always opt the first class six hours before the flight. You just got to wait.

Like if your flight's at 6 a.m., You got to wake up like fucking like a dunce in the middle of the night and call and be the first one to call six hours. And usually I swear to God Celia, swear to my mother's grave. I think there's only been one time I haven't gotten it. Like if you get main cabin select, you got first class. You call them and go, I want to take, for a buck and a quarter. So you can't lose. Main cabin select is the level up from fucking the rest of the fucking animals.

All right. The seats a little bit. You know, all right, they got a screen and you get the waitress to come to you. The waitress. Oh, yeah, whatever you want to call it. You press a button. They do that main cabin, too. What do you mean?

They don't come to you. Yes, they do. Not like that. It depends on what airline you are. You can't you? I think you have to make them come. You have to ring a bell for them to come and you take the order. With this shit, you give the, you stop your movie, you press pause in the movie.

You go, hold on one second. You press pause. on the movie. You flip the... Even me, the retard could do it. You flip the screen over. You say food. You got to make sure

you get all the good shit early. So if you see something you want on Virgin, get it early. Because the thing that sells, everything goes, except the Korean chicken sandwich. Let me tell you something. You might as well eat somebody's foot.

If you're going to eat a Korean chicken sandwich on Virgin Airlines, you might as well look at that fucking, this guy that snuck from whatever country he did with dry feet. Grab his foot and fucking bite it. It's the same difference. That's so gross.

The Korean chicken, even I broke down and got it one time, one of those long flights. Just to see what it was like. Oh, God. Why did you do that? Oh, God, because you got to get it. Because he's eight thousand edibles before you. No, no, because when you're going to get on a fucking plane, okay?

Oh, I don't like it on a plane. You've got to eat a good breakfast before you go. You've got to take an aspirin for your heart to open up. You got to drink water on the plane so you don't dehydrate. I don't think I've ever taken an aspirin for. You never ran with Uncle Joey either. You're saying. You run one Uncle Joey, you got a baby aspirin at the gate.

That's how I roll. You never got me a baby asses. Because it don't matter with you. You're going to go eat shitty food anyway in an hour, so it doesn't matter. You probably got a fucking subway sandwich on your knapsack or something like that. So, yeah, that's the fucking difference. You put a little heart. When you get water, you don't need to be a fucking savage on a plane, but you do need to get a little high and deviate your stuff.

No, you don't. If you want to eat a Vicodin, that's up to you. do have to get a little high before you got a plane. If you want to get two, if you want to eat Xanax and get a red wine in you, let me tell you some, a five and a half hour flight, I know these people on this shit that listen to this, you guys travel internationally, God bless you. Tell fucking Lee that you motherfucker of international flies, you guys live on Zanix. The people who fly across the world, they live on Zanx. They can't take it. They can't take it. But why would they use edibles? That'd be better anyway.

Because it's tough to get through the dog. If you don't want to kill the dog, you don't want to kill the Can you imagine you fucking walk And the dog sniffs your can of cookies And all of a sudden you look back And they're like, pull them over What happened? The dogs died And the dogs are laying there with their legs up in the air They're foaming from the mouth

So you can't They can't smell it in the gummies Can they? Oh yeah Really? Yeah When you open the bag you can smell When you fucking

When you go international They got the heavy duty I watched that show on fucking You know I went right to Mexico From here Not that they cared with my vape pen And nobody nobody gave it No, I'm very pet.

Like I said, this is at the daycare. If somebody, if you get caught smoking on the plane, then they take it off and they do the whole thing. But, nah, they're not going to fucking say nothing to you for this shit. Well, yeah, because it looks like the tobacco one, right? Or whatever the normal one is. I don't know. I had it broken down in the case that comes in, and then, you know,

it just went through. Nobody stopped me. It's so we, you and I were discussing the reason why I know Celia is because she knows my wife from yoga. Mm-hmm. So we all went to coffee, name we're talking and I wanted to tell Sally and my wife's a

sweetheart but she's a straight as a narrow. Terry is very straight yeah. She's a straight. I had no idea that you, I've known Terry now for what, almost two and a half years, I think. Had no idea that was your wife. Like I can't drop a lot of knowledge on Terry because she would just

look at me like, what the fuck? Yeah, when she called me and she was like, Celia, do you know who my husband is? Because I think maybe you know, you want to be on a show. I was like, what? Why? Who's your husband? And then she told me, I was like, yeah, I don't see that at all. But then when I saw you guys together, you guys actually make complete sense. But, yeah, she's like this super yogi, flexible, like earthy.

Tea, night, you know, goba, goba to go to bed. Meanwhile, I'm popping 2,000 milligrams. Except she's fucking hilarious, I have to say. She's a blast. She was like my favorite person to stand next to in yoga because she just makes fun of all the poses. Is it pain and hates them? my wife's really cool but my wife was raised a certain way

and my wife was raised how America views marijuana my wife was one of those people me too so was I if you go to that area if you see when I travel

I go to different areas when I talk to different people I don't flaunt my marijuana use in front of people like except for on this show this is what we do in the church this is what we do in the church

But I'm not I don't have a t-shirt with Bob Marley on the Apolly Right You follow me I don't have none of that gear Just because I stay away from that stuff Good, that's lame anyway Like all that stuff I stay away from it since I'm a kid Right Since I'm a kid I would put them on two times

It was lame when we were kids There was one shirt that I got a couple of years ago From a wheat store in Hollywood That was one of the best t-shirts I ever got Sometimes people give you a t-shirt You're washing two times You gotta give them to the goodwill Sometimes people give you a t-shirt

Something, yeah, two fucking times. You're gonna give it to good words. I don't know. I don't fucking know. If they're crappy, cheesy t-shirts, he's right. Yeah, sometimes they just fall apart. And sometimes people give you a t-shirt that you look at and go, but after you wash it a few times and wear it, you're like,

ooh, this t-shirt got some fucking life to this motherfucker. Look at this baby. It just so happened. It was a pot plant. It was a yellow shirt with like a sort of a pot plant. But I had camouflage. shorts in those days so it was a nice little mix of match you're saying well you were like all kinds of weeds just to keep your shit color coordinated and i'll never forget one day i got a job on uh my name is real

i get to my first episode and i go let me put on my camouflage shorts so i put the camouflage shorts i put this t-shirt out without even thinking without even thinking i put this t-shirt on and i walk on the Like, you know, get comfortable. They're going to go eat in about a half hour. You're invited to go eat lunch, and then after that, we'll get your makeup and shit. At that fucking lunch, I forgot that I had this weed t-shirt on. Oh, my God.

That's not going to do well? I know. Everybody kept coming up to me going, man, we love you. And I'm like, what the fuck do they love? They don't even know who the fuck I am. They don't even know. Nobody fucking knows me. These fucking, this t-shirt was driving people crazy.

It was that cool of his shirt. You know what I did with it? I donated. Did you? That's nice. Once I had the baby, I'm like, I'm too old to wear a shirt with fucking moon. Do you like an auction for something or just got rid of it? No, I go to Goodwill. I go right over here on Van Nuys. Probably could have made a lot of money.

I bring the bags. Nah. You couldn't give the money the cherry? It's crazy. I have these posters from the longest yard. When the longest yard first came out, they gave me these little small posters. And they kept me on the poster. And it was a great little poster. gave me a bunch of them. I don't know what happened to him.

And when I moved, I found them. And I said, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to do a raffle for charity. Give it to the people who listen to the church, autograph it for them. And someday they could do something with them. And one day I'm sitting there. Let me go on fucking eBay.

You see if they even got this poster on eBay. You bet their ass they got it for like $10. I'm like, this shit ain't worth dick. If you signed it and then you did it, then yes. No. Yes. No. Yes, right.

A signature's worth a lot. Yeah. You could blow smoke on it. You could, like, oh, I saw a video. These idiots in England are selling bottled air, bottled clean air to people in China for like $100 a bottle. It was the stupidest. And what are you doing? How do you drink it?

I don't know. I don't know if you open any of it. I couldn't even look at the video. I think it was on, like, the news off the, the, let me. look it up. Well, anyone who buys that is like a hundred bucks. Did you eat a star, Celia? No.

Did you take a bite of a star? No. You got to take a little bite of a stuff. No. Because that's the way they'll believe you. They'll think you're from the FBI. I'll smoke the vape, but no way. That'll do me in and then I won't be able to talk anymore.

And I've got to do the vape. I got to, I got to go. If you smoke the vape, they'll see the Campocha and they'll think there's a bomb. You either got to do a bonheets. So, I did do a bonghead of the heavy duty. I did do a bonnet. You got to take a little bite of the star of the corner.

B-a-l-a-low-oh, this is completely real by the way. It's only 10 milligrams, that's it. It's a fucking British guy, 27-year-old selling it for $115 a bottle. That's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. A-E-T-H-A-E-R.

You shouldn't fucking help him, Lee, maybe buy yourself a bottle. I did do a bong hit of that. That's pretty amazing. I try to tell you. Whatever. It's not even the read. It's the fucking bong.

That bong is called the mule. The mule does now fuck around. See, people show up with big bongs, and they think that that's cool. Wait, why? What's special about it? That kicks like a fucking mule. The training on that bong, this bong is the real. Listen, I've had every size bong there is.

And the big ones, sometimes are hard to fucking hold and suck at the same time and really get your balance. So many jokes, but I'm going to let them go. But this thing right here, this motherfucker, this motherfucker here has a, What's the black guy, Cat Williams? This motherfucker. This shit right here. This is the bond of debt. So you smoked all through college.

Where'd you go to college at? I went to college at Ithaca College. Look at you and shit. Yeah. And, you know, there's some good weed up there. So I smoked a lot of pot then. And I smoked a ton after college, for that matter. Put myself through grad school.

Smoked pot the whole way. It became a counselor. That's a mental health counselor. And a school counselor, for that matter. and then we moved up to Ithaca to my now ex-husband. I moved up to Ithaca to start a family, and he had a job up there at a theater. I started working with at-risk kids,

and so that I could get pregnant, and I was like, I'm not, I'm done. I'm not going to smoke pot anymore, and so I didn't. And I got pregnant with my first daughter, and then after I had her, I had fucking terrible postpartum depression. I don't know if Terry went through that,

but it was horrible. I mean, I could not. get out of bed. I cried. They put me out a bunch of pharmaceuticals. I was on Prozac for a while. And that helped definitely helped. Like I could at least stop crying and like didn't you know feel like I didn't love my kid, which I felt like nothing for my child. And that sucked. And I didn't want to hurt her or anything, but I definitely thought about hurting myself because I just so, I felt so guilty that I didn't feel anything for her. And then they started prescribing me like oh god you know

Xanax and Valium and sleeping pills and stuff like that because like I just changed after I had her I was really even when I wasn't crying anymore I was just like super anxious and I didn't and I got lots of like rage and stuff it was fucked up and then I kind of got it under control

I wasn't smoking pot then either How long was this like Well I had like the sobbing parts Where I was just like could knock it out of bed and like didn't feel anything for her. That probably went on for almost a month. And then the anxiety, like, never went away. And they just kept trying to give me other meds.

And that sucked. And then I got pregnant again. I went through a couple years of trying to get pregnant and taking infertility drugs, which, you know, if you ever want to see somebody go completely fucking crazy, give them infertility drugs. Because, like, holy crap.

I had a friend that used to sell her eggs for cocaine. She used to sell her eggs. That is not funny. This bitch saw, and she was pretty. She was about 20, 22, 23. She moved down there, and she was confused and shit. Who was buying her eggs, knowing that that's how she was? She went to some clinic and she stayed clean, and then they would give her the big paycheck,

and she was a waitress at the laugh factory. But she was selling her race. That's a fucking process to go through you now. And they had to come get her, dog. I bet. Like the family had to come here and get her and take her away. I bet. A white little van and shit.

Dude, that's no joke. And she was yelling A-Blinking. Holy shit. How many eggs can you sell? I don't know. She was an egg. You make them, you know, until you don't. She was an egg-making machine.

But you got to take drugs to get them yet. They were giving her the drugs and she was starting blow. I don't think that's allowed. Dog, it doesn't really matter. It's like I'm telling you about my wife. Like, my wife is straight. She was raised straight. So my wife was raised to,

believe a certain thing about marijuana. And for years, she was at the comedy store, and she was exposed to it. She just never liked it. And then when I started dating, and she realized that I would go downstairs and smoke. You know, when you first start dating people, you accept things. You accept things because you're hoping you'll get rid of those things. With her, she was drinking, and I was smoking, and I was doing a lot of other things. But she didn't know those things.

Then she caught on after a while, but that's not here or there. What the point I'm getting to is, after about a year and a half one day, I came upstairs and she goes, why do you need to smoke? I explained to her that had been smoking since I was a kid. Wait, why do you to help your, like, anxiety, help you focus or make you creative? I think everyone has their own reason. Let me explain something. Let me be honest. And it makes you feel good.

All these emotions didn't become public until about 15 years ago. Before then, there was no anxiety. There was no fucking sleepless list. There was no insomnia. Yeah, nobody talked about that shit. You just felt fucked up. When I was a kid, I felt... Yeah, you were just an asshole.

When I was a kid, I felt fucked up. Me too. And whenever I smoked pot, it made me feel balanced. Whenever I drank alcohol, it was this yearning feeling. Like, that would give me anxiety. Like, I wanted to do, but I couldn't. Like, I was getting held back. When you do cocaine, that's a certain horrible.

Never done cooking. You know, any of those drugs. But when I spoke to reefer, I was home. Yeah. And it took Terry, me to say, Terry, can you sit down for a second? I go, number one, I'm never going to quit smoking, but I'm never going to quit smoking. I'm never going to quit smoking. What about if you go home and meet my parents?

I don't really give a Frenchman's fuck. I'll take a walk around the corner. I go, for some people, it's a cocktail. For some people, it's playing tennis. For some people, this is for this. For me, it's, there's. There's nothing like going for a walk with a walkman or an iPad on or whatever the fuck they call on my pod and having music on and smoke on a joint. Walking a mile and clearing your head.

Yeah. And if you have a problem, that's your solution. You'll get it by the end of that walk. Marijuana will help you attain that. That's how I always felt about it. Okay. So I feel similarly. And I gave it up because like I said, I was raised like Terry, my parents were, you know, not into it at all.

And my stepdad, he came into our lives when I was 14. And he, like I said, he was pretty famous musician. And my mom made him give up. All weed, booze, everything. Drugs, like, nothing. He couldn't do anything. But that meant that when I was going out and smoking pot, if I came home and he was there, I could get fucking busted, like, fast.

And there was one time that I came in and I reeked of it. I knew it and she knew it. And my mom was like not having it. And I, you know, she said, like, I knew you were at Sam Fines' house and, you know, you got high. And I was like, what? No, I'm not high. I'm not high. I don't smoke.

And she was like, Harvey, come here, come here and smell her and look at her and tell me if she's high. And my stepdad who looks like Jerry Garcia. If you don't know who he is, Google him, his name's Harvey Brooks, looks like Jerry Garcia, gets in my face and just like, stares in me. And I'm thinking, fuck, I'm so fucking busted. And he just, like, nods, looks at my mom. And he's like, nope, she's good. She's totally not high. And she was like, oh, okay, I'm sorry, and walks out.

He just looks to me and he goes, I want a quarter pounder with cheese. I want fries. I want a milkshake tomorrow on the top of the stairs in the basement. You don't tell your fucking mother. And I was like, done. Like, he had me so busted, and she wouldn't let him eat shit like that. So, like, I went out and got him everything and, like, left it like an offering at the top of his steps.

Because I was like, I don't tell on me. And I lied. I mean, I got caught with, I got caught with weed in my bag, and my mom found it, and, like, took it out. And I came in, and it was, like, sitting on the counter as I walked by, and I, like, did the double take when I was like, shit. And I, like, yeah. Jewish moms don't fuck wrong. I wasn't even high. And my mom did this to me once.

She just came up to me with the blue. Are you high? You messed up? I'm like, I wasn't high, but she would look for that eye. That's why I never did it. I, like, I smoked. And they had a nose for it. My mom's always like.

I think I was like 16, 17 maybe. That was the first time? Yeah. Jeez, that was late. My mom died when I was 15 and a half and I hit it from her. You did? And I knew she got high. Yeah, why'd you hide it from her?

You knew she got high. And she knew I, but she didn't. Because one time she got in a bind for weed, she has one of my friends. But maybe she was baiting him or something. Because he goes, you know your mom, I'm off color. I asked me if I could get a weed. and I brushed it off. Like, I didn't know what he was talking about.

Yeah, I mean... But no, I hit it from my mind. You hit it. Well, see, so here's the thing. And this is why I've been trying to, you know, change this conversation. And I think it's so interesting that, like, you would say to your wife that, you know, like, you don't give a fuck if her parents know that you smoke,

but you told me that you don't want your daughter to ever know that you smoke. No, not right now. Well, not right now, I get it. She's cool. Not the next couple years. I don't want her to... My almost six-year-old today asked me,

as I walked out the door. Mom, what's weed? And I said, that's just another thing they call cannabis. And she was like, oh, okay. No, there's going to be questions. Yeah. There's going to be questions. Will you ever smoke it in front of her?

I'm not sure. Not right now. I'll dodge. I'll dodge the questions. I'll explain to her as much as I can. Wait, but what happens if you just normalize it? Like, so my kids are, I mean, given it's, this has, like, been a thing, like, for the past year, they sort of caught on.

I, I hit it. And I was what I was going to say about the postpartum stuff, you know, I, I got, when I finally did have my other kid, my second kid, and after I had her, and like, I was not right still, but I wasn't like a sobbing mess, but I was like, you know, I'm not, I still don't really feel right, but I had like, you know, bad anxiety. And I was talking to my friend Tom Grubbs, who, who actually, you know, is a partner at this farm in, uh, in Forest Grove, Oregon, uh, motor perpetual farm. And he was like, you're not right. Like, he was known me since high school. So he was like, you don't act like, you're something's off.

And I told him, like, I haven't been right. since I had my kid. And he was like, you know, do you still smoke pot? I was like, what? No, I'm a mom. I don't smoke pot anymore. Like, I got really judgy and pissy with him. And he was like, well, okay.

And he said, you know, I really kind of think that might level you out, like exactly what you were just saying. And he was like, you should try that. I really think that might work for you. And I thought about it. And I thought about it. And I was like, you know, I always really loved smoking pot. And it's exactly what you said, like that I just felt okay, leveled out.

Something about that drug. Right. Does it? Makes me feel like I'm home. Listen, I could sit here and sit and give me, blow smoke up your ass and tell you, I'm going to quit smoking dope. Yeah, no. I'm never quitting again.

I thought about it. I thought about it because I'm not getting as high. I don't get the results I want to as when we first started. I want to, I want to fucking drool. So can you take like a two-month break and then go back to it? What's my options? I don't know. I have such a system.

What about dabs? Have you tried this? that? No, that's too strong. I can't have a blow torch in my house. You don't have to have a blow torch. You can use it like the hot nail. No, no, please. I'll love it right? Have you done that? Have you done a dab? Have I done a dabb? We've done them in here. Oh, well, they have. It's just too much work for what I want to. Uh, right? Yeah, I've seen the hot nail that you plug in, right? Yeah, I see it's a totally different thing. No, no, no, no, I don't want none of that stuff in that house. I really like those. I like my little pipe. That's how I like to fly. I have a dab. I have my little pipe. I have a fucking stick to clean of that one. A little shish kebab sticks. I steal from my wife. You go out in the backyard. I got a secret compartment. I go out in the backyard.

I zip it up and I put it back in the secret compartment. And nobody knows fucking nothing. Okay. So I have a cabinet that all of my weeds in, you can see it. And like any, you know, bong or my bowl, whatever, my kids know where it is. I have it locked. And I have the key. But they know where it is.

And like, they'll come in and I'll have it open. I've had it open. And my older one will be like, smells like marijuana in here. Why were you in the key? jam in it. But I'll vape in front of them. My older one, I'm being, I mean, because obviously Tom was right and, you know, the weed worked. And so I've been using it ever since for postpartum depression and for anxiety. I'm a better parent. My daughter will, my older daughter will go into my bag and find this and give it to me, like when it's in its case and we'll hand it to me and be like,

mom, do you think maybe, you know, you want to smoke some pot because you seem like you're having a really hard time? And she's not wrong. And you know what? When we were growing up, like kids made and you know earlier than that kids made their parents drinks and stuff you know like all the Sally Draper madman type of thing which by the way you know my my daughter knows how to make a couple of drinks also but don't I just don't we take the taboo off so that they're not brainwashed like we were brainwashed like Terry was brainwashed like I was brainwashed you know and thinking that like this is the gateway drug so if my kids just grow up around pot and they don't ever feel like they have to hide it from me they'll ask me about it they know it's something that

actually helps me and that makes me feel better. And then I'm a better parent to them because I'm all leveled out. And, you know, if one of them's like making an annoying noise sitting next to me for 10 minutes, I don't want to kill her because, you know, that's annoying. I can sit through, you know, a fucking Barbie movie if I'm high. And I don't mean get so high I can't parent, but to just not feel, you know, kids are annoying. You've got one. They're cute, but they're annoying. There's a lot of considerations. There's a lot of considerations. Number one, what if you went to a movie and something bad would have happened? I won't get high then. I wouldn't get high. And you were high. But I wouldn't be. And nothing happened when you got in the car. Nothing happened. I don't drive with my kids to the car.

You got in the Uber or whatever. What I'm saying is that if you're going to feel bad that you were high, there's so many aspects. But you don't, you can smoke pot and not be high is my point. No, everybody's different. Everybody has a different situation. Remember, when I sent my daughter down, have to talk with her, it's not just going to be about marijuana. Right. It's going to be, no, no, no, no, no. You have no, no, no, you have no, no, you have no fucking idea. But you got to talk to you about all drugs, sure.

No, there's not all drugs. I got to talk to how I put a machine in somebody who's had and kidnapped them. There's four years in prison. So my situation is a bit. That's a different situation. So you understand me, my situation a little bit more different than yours. Right. I'm sure when she goes to her grammar school in this area, they're going to have a dad program.

And someday, she's going to come home. And go, Daddy, what do you know? And I got to talk to him, Bob and Weave a little bit. I can't drop it out of hell when she's fucking six. This story goes from A to B to C to your grandmother dying. But you know what? But listen to this, because my older daughter, when last year, they had to do the dare poster because that's still like a fucking thing, right?

They have to do dare poster. And when like her and her friends are designing the dare poster and putting all the drugs on, one of her friends was like, oh, we got to do the dare poster. friends was like, oh, we got to put the, you know, the pot leaf on. And my daughter was like, no, we don't. That's really not a drug that should be in this, like, at all. That helps people. And my sister is fighting cancer. And she's, you know, been using cannabis for that. And my daughter knows it. And she was like, my aunt, she's cancer. And that's helping her. And her friend Sophie, Ryan has been fighting cancer. Same thing. Using pot for that. And who's

like, you know, what, I think four? Sophie's four. And so, and her teacher agreed. They took it off. So that Dare poster had the other drugs, but not pot. So all I'm saying is like if we could take pot a weight out of that and like put that someplace else, you know, it's safer than alcohol. And I don't get, I really don't get high with my kids. Listen, listen, listen. You go in the wrong direction with it. No, no. You're talking to the wrong.

You're the wrong back. You're the choir. I got it. This is no reason for this. No. There's no reason for this drama. That's the thing about this is, no, there's no argument here. You my situation is completely different anybody else's.

I'm old school. I have old school values and I grew up and seen it. Plus I sold it to other families. Right. I sold it to other families. But you mean all drugs? No, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about even the simple cocktails in front of your kids

and telling your kids you ham it from the night before. I grew up in those families. So I saw it from a different perspective. I have an old school way of belief. I have an old school belief in a child and a parent. relationship. I really fucking do. Because once you let one thing slip, you got to let everything slip. So with me, parenting is in courses. I had a mom who got high and stuff that I appreciated, not really. I looked at the other aspects of her life, and she was really solid. And she turned me

into my wife. I saw a woman that got up at 8 and went into the city and went into Hell's Kitchen and got meat when it was still the meat packing district. And then we go by some music. Then we bring it back to Union City and take a fucking cab to the Yankee Stadium, the Shays Dam to watch the Mets, then come home. She cooked for me. So I came from a different lifestyle of seeing a different type of woman and what the fuck they're doing.

I went to the bar at night. I saw what they were doing and I turned the cheek. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I didn't want that. I sit here and I cringe. I cringe once a week at night of the thought of if my mom wouldn't have died. Because my mom died a month before the Mario Harbor got opened.

That was in 1980 when they let out 200,000 savage Cubans out of all the jails. Fidel got rid of them. And they infused Miami and northern New Jersey. and their whole mission was to spread folk fucking cocaine. That was their whole mission. How old were you? When all this went down, I was 16 February that year when Mariel and all that shit. But there's times I think my situation would have got infused with cocaine.

And where would that have left my mom in my's relationship? What I had done coke if she would have lived. I did coke a month before she died. Like I held out as much as a lot as a lot. I fucking could. Until this day, I feel terrible about it. You know, that I even did that type of stuff. But you have to live.

Everybody has their own sorrows and their own pains. So I dig the shit. You do. I didn't go, I forgot the name of the website. But the whole purpose of this was that you wrote this blog. You write this blog and it's pretty much about mommies and shoes and raising your kids and shit like this. I did write one about, you know,

my daughter finding my sex toys too. Right. And after three fucking years, and it's interesting, right? You got a lot of people who read it, especially a lot of moms. And after three years, you dropped this fucking story on them

that you believe that marijuana not only helps, but cure us postpartum depression. You know what, man? I don't even have postpartum depression. I've read about it. And I know you're correct. I know that if they took nine women,

10 women that have post-pom depression. I know for a fact that six of them would go, you know what? I feel a lot better now. This is going to go a milkshake. Yep. You know what I'm saying? Like, I know this in my heart.

But it's very tough to sell Terry Clark this. Oh, I know. I know it. So, it's taken me, it's taken me 17 years. And I never imposed marijuana and my wife. Never. Never said to her. You should get.

No. No. Never, never. No, no, no, she won't. She'll get pissed off. I won't do it. She didn't want, you know, she just, and I respected it, and that was it. And then at the wedding, I was smoking hash. And she goes, is that hash? I go, yeah. She goes, can I take a hit? She took one hit, and that was it. And never again. She goes, that shit made me feel fucking terrible as it did when I was in college. Fuck that shit. And that was it. And then she hurt her back, and I couldn't take it no more. You have no fucking idea at night

With the ice packs And I got in the fucking massage I got in a fucking massage package And she still came home with the rub my back Bullshit And I take it to the Chinese guy For $20 a happy hour Where they rub your feet

They pull your neck She wants to Joey ears Yeah no I don't want to listen I'm no fucking Joey masseuse You got me for about three minutes and shit I give two types of massage Do your neck for three minutes and the essential ones? That's about two and a half to the panties come off.

Then the massage is over. You understand me? There's no more fucking massage. You need to get her the weed spray to put down there. Yes, you do. You do. That is how you get her hooked in. You need the empower foreplay.

She kept fucking around with the fucking ice packs. And I'm going to go get a needle. And I finally sat it down. I go, here's the deal. You know, I love you and my wife, but the shit's got a fucking end. First off, my ears are bleeding. You're making the insides of my fucking ears bleed with the fucking back stuff, okay? Okay?

You got to knock it off. You're not getting another one of those shots. You can't get one of those shots. Oh, the cortisone shots. Yeah, that's right. The problem is you got the fucking shot. And instead of stretching in the backyard and fucking around, you sit on your ass with a fucking iceback. You believe everything the fucking doctor tells you.

I'm telling you. You got to get blood to that area. You got to give that area of blood. I'm the one that made us start walking around the fucking part. No, good. I go, you got to go walk around the park right now. Well, I got to go do this. No, you don't.

No, you got nothing to do. You got nothing to fucking do. Go, get the fuck out of here. And she walks around the park now. She's like, I like what doing. I do three loops now. Yeah, you do three loops. It's fucking beautiful.

That's why we live here. You go over there for a fucking park. But she won't try cannabis for the pain of the back. Hold on. Slow the fuck down. So I start taking hypnotherapy. And the chick's telling me how she's a yoga teacher. I said, let me get you.

I tell you something. I'm going to get my wife out of the house. And the yoga teaches. And the hypnotherapist is like, what are you talking about? I go, listen. What days you teach yoga? I go, what type of yoga you teach you? Because this is soft yoga sold.

I go, where's the classroom? What time? She gave me everything. Honey, you're going to go to yoga. She goes, I can't. My bag, listen. You're going to keep not canting until how fucking long? How long are we going to hear I fucking I can't?

Because then you're never going to do it. You're 46. It's only going to get worse. I go go down there. Whatever you can't do, you bow out, and whatever you can do, you bow in. That's it. This is easy McGoo,

but at least you try to get some blood to that area. You got to give these areas blood. Guess what? She went. She went again. She went again. She went for a walk. She went again.

She went an extra day. She went to basic yoga 101. Nice. So the pain's going away. So we had a conversation about Xanax. And she's like, it's starting to bother me. I go, listen, I love it on the road. But when I'm home, I got these stores of debt.

I mix it up. I got chocolate bars. I got wacky taffy. You know what I'm saying? I got a mix up. A candy store? I go, Terry, I got some CBDO. It's one-to-one.

I go, do me a favor. She looked at me. It's just the CBD? It had T.H.C. Fuck, yeah. 11%. So somebody like her will feel it. She'll sleep like a fucking baby.

Great. Listen, she fucks around with that go-be-go. melatonin, all that shit works three nights, and then your resistance goes up and you're fucked. You actually depend on them. Like, I'm going to take three of these. Nothing's going to happen. They're done.

She drinks the Kana Kana tea, the Wu-W-W-T, everything puts you to sleep for a night. And then you don't, there's no more sleeping. And I can hear her teeth grinding at night. I could hear her teeth grinding. So I told her, I said, listen to anything, they're going to object, but just listen to me. Hear me out.

Just hear me out. I go I got a call from a friend of mine he called me he told me he needed CBD he wanted to try it I brought him a fucking the best CBDO one to one I go I gave him the CBDO

he's my brother I grew up with him I don't give a fuck take it he calls me back two months later and we're talking he goes listen I want to thank you for the CBDO I go why he goes well he goes I got a dog who's got cancer and he goes his numbers were going down

his kidneys. I don't know. I'm not a doctor, ladies and gentlemen. I don't know the thing. My friend is from Jersey also. He's crazy like me. And I can hear his,

he goes, I've had this dog for 13 years or so when he gets cancer. He goes, I don't know what to do, but his numbers were going up. He goes, so I started giving him two sprays every night. He goes, what I got to lose? He goes, guess what?

His numbers are going down. He goes, he's still going to die, but he's doing a lot of fucking better than what he was doing. So I go, honey, if it saved a dog, give him a shit. shot. And my wife's like, what are you talking about? I'm like, just give one shot an hour and a half before you want to go to bed. And she gave it a shot. And the next day, I said,

what do you think? And she goes, I don't think it was enough. Oh, that's awesome. So I go do two. She did two and now she does three a night dog. Come on. And she went, but you don't think she would eat an edible? No. Really? Even one that just had like one milligram. Listen to me. I tell these people on the fucking I tell these people on the air and I try to tell them listen when you guys see me and lean chocolates and all this shit

it's cute. It's really cute people but let me tell you something. The best edibles you'll ever make are the ones you make in your own living room in your own kitchen. How do I know? I'll tell you guys a little story. I meet Terry in

2000 move in together maybe nine months later, you know, I'm busy as fuck on the road as a feature act. I'm open for Joe Rogan. I'm starting to do movies little by little. You know, she knows of my drug use. She kind of, yeah, you know, I would meet her at the store and have a few drinks. And, uh, edibles. Making your own edibles. And one day I hear about this edible shit. I go to Houston, Texas, and my buddies in Houston. turn me on to brownies and I ate one one night

and on stage I saw purple spots and shit I pulled them out I go what the fuck do you put in these and he told me and I you know alright I'm gonna go home and do the same thing you do and it was me my wife and this girl Andrea all right so it was a Sunday night

we went down there and I hosted and Andrea and my wife came later on and they worked that's when they were wages at the comedy store and when I took off about 1230, those girls came home. It was like a Memorial Day weekend. Like a Labor Day weekend.

So we went back to my house and Andrea and my wife ate while I was going to make brownies at one in the morning. Okay? So I fucking whip up the box of chocolate, fudge, whatever the fuck they send you.

I put the fucking almonds in there. You know, whatever the fuck they send you, the chocolate almond Benny Crocker. And I take butter. I throw on a fine plan and the lowest level that I could throw it I take this weed

I dry it really good it was from a friend of mine and I took an eighth of it and I grinded it down I took all the stems out I cleaned it and I let this butter

and just simmer and I would throw the weed in there I would throw a little bits of weed until it was fine and then I would just squeeze the weed until the butter turned green and I would dip it on the brown

and I would do the same pot and I would mix this into the fucking and brownie and you know I would lick the spoon a little bit and I would come back and do this and this went on for 20 30 35 minutes until I cooked all the fucking weed and even then I took the weed and put it back and did another batch of butter with it and took it all the way fucking down and drained another fucking three ounces of fucking THC juice into this chocolate brownie mix and I whipped this shit up and there's a lawn autumn going on so I'm on fire I really licked the spoon three times

I went downstairs and smoked a joint. I probably got a Xanax in me, something. I got something in me. I put the fucking brownies in the thing. I take them out. And it's about two in the morning, and we're all sitting there. And the next thing, you know,

the girls go in the kitchen. They're like, man, that smells good. Andrea was straighter than my wife. Oh, my God. She was from the South Dawson. They didn't like that shit. They would have a few drinks and listen to Kid Rock. But everything else is.

gonna fucking work out for you. They looked me straight in the face, Lee. And we think that question was. If you know your Uncle Joey, what do you think they asked me? And what do you think I told them? I feel like I could answer this, so you better

be able to. I have no idea. I'm hot as fuck right now. I'm sorry. The girls came out and said, is that whole thing, T-8C? And you said no. Oh, no. Half of it is T-A-C. And half of it is straight up. I totally would have got

And they looked at me. Really disappointed it newly. I was high from the three spoons. But when I went in there and cut a piece of brownie, a little one, and I gave them each a little piece, and then I ate another piece, we went out there and started watching Law & Order, and those girls and me started getting higher, higher, higher, higher, by 8 in the morning, we couldn't even go to bed.

We were fucked up. Those girls were fucked up, and they were loving it. Like, my wife's eyes were beat red, Andrea's eyes were beat red. I fucking fell asleep in the bed. My wife fell asleep in the couch. Andrea fell asleep on the floor. Oh, my God.

I thought you were nice to be nice to your wife. We woke up like at 4 the afternoon. Hungry as fuck giggling. So why wouldn't she do it again? This sounds like a lovely child. Let me explain to you. My wife got so fucking high. She couldn't go to work and the whole thing.

So that was the end of that. You don't have to do that every time. I'm going to give you my advice. Don't even ask. Don't even ask you. You don't want to know. Let me give some shoutouts here real quick. All right. Jay McFanatic. Salad Bow Grindr.

J. Fagg 6. Angel Rodriguez. Persangaberg. Perzangerberg. I like that name and shit. Floyd 79. Justin Wood. Jimmy Nunya.

And D. in Colorado. I love you, motherfuckers. Don't forget Thursday night. Flappers. And then next. Thursday, the weekend at the brand motherfucking improv, bids. So let me answer you this. Yeah.

So now you do this blog for the fucking three years, and you put a blog in there about Rief and Salvin all this. And who gets mad at you? Oh, my God. Everyone got mad to me. Did people unsubscribe and stuff like that? Well, advertisers pulled out. Now, okay, so this magazine is based out of where?

Your blog is based on it. Well, yeah, we're like a mom website, and it's based on it. out of L.A. And we have, you know, we sell advertising space. And, and, uh, one company that will remain nameless was actually, uh, wanted my older daughter to do like, um, influencing, you know, online for their brand. And I would have had her Instagram account, like I would have control over it. And once I came out about supporting cannabis, they, they pulled out and said, nope, never mind. We don't want to touch that. So, I mean, it was, you know, brands, Big Pharma was, you know, one of them. It was, yep, they had no interest in that. I could tell you way,

ahead of time that I think people are still very confused. They are. No, no, no, no. The mentality is still there. There's still that old American mentality, that marijuana, and there's nothing you can fucking do. I don't know. You know what, though?

Your buddy Joe Rogan said it really, really well, like pretty recently. And he said, you know, we take all these pharmaceuticals. We don't know what's in them. We just believe what the government tells us. That's safe. That's safe. That's safe. We take it.

You know what? I believe. I believe that the funerals. that has helping my sister and has helped me where I can go and walk around that greenhouse. And I know the people that are, you know, raising that crop do an amazing job. And it's organic. And I see where it comes from. And people really give a shit.

And that this is a natural thing. And I am worried about big farm of being involved and they're going to be involved. Plus, like, there's, you know, sort of corporate cannabis stuff now. I like a small farm that's doing good. I'm into that as a mom. And that's hard to argue with. was go to the store in the corner and get weed my fucking business.

I don't want to go to the farm. This guy doesn't go to the fucking farm. Yeah, but you're not a mom. What would Terry do? Terry goes to Whole Foods, right? Doesn't she? No, Terry don't give a fuck about this shit. Oh, come on.

Yes, she does. She's like all yogi and blah, blah, blah. Terry doesn't know anything about these weeds. No, not weed. Regular stuff that she'll get. She goes to a bunch of different places. That's what I'm saying, but she wants to try, like, all the herbs, right? She wants to go to three or fours different soup.

Right. So why can't we, all the things she was taking before, you know, go to bed. Like to me, you know, she got that whole food. You don't know where it came from or what the government put in that. But I do know what, you know, what's in cannabis and what's in weed. I like to call cannabis because it sounds like motherly. I agree with you on all these facts. Right.

The only thing I'm trying to explain to you is this is all great shit. I know. People aren't. No, yeah. No, go on my Yahoo article and read some of the comments people said to me. Oh, no. The people that, listen, man, this is old America. And there was supposed to be a war in drugs that was never fucking won.

It was just exposed. And there was a war that fucking failed miserably. And, you know, every generation has a different drug. For Lee's a generation, it was to do ecstasy and jump up and down when the Jewish kids came to time. I did a fair amount of ecstasy. Whatever. We all had something different. And to some people, marijuana is included in that circle.

And there's nothing you could do. But isn't there for the next. generation by doing what I'm doing. If I start this conversation now, my kids grow up thinking it's no big deal, your kids grow up thinking it's no big deal, and it falls more into, well, that's kind of like Tylenol or, you know, and a kind of, you know, alcohol that we don't touch, but we sort of can use recreationally ants to make us feel better. Don't we change their view if we do this now? Do what? Like if I, if my kids growing up now, do what, do this, change it. So it's not like hush, hush, hiding it. We're trying to bust to my kids. If you're

You're going to be in your fucking car today, and you go to fucking Sunset Boulevard and make it right. They're going to see all this shit. No, but they're going to see all these fucking billboards. And eventually, one day they're going to come and ask you. No, mine already asked me. Right. I understand that. And I'm fucking happy for you.

But one day, they're going to come and ask you and you have to talk to them and explain to them. And that all takes time. Right, but if you just sort of integrate it, like into it, like, it's not a big deal. I don't need to integrate it. That's the problem. I don't really want to integrate it. Every you know there's a family There's got to be a fucking family

Moral somewhere And there has to be somewhere But why is that not the moral And there's an age And at some ages There's some shit that they should not be exposed to Wait whoa whoa Wait whoa, well you drink a beer or anything in front of your

No You won't drink in front of the water No no No No Then when you're 16 year at the club With your fucking stupid girlfriends Drinking wine

Talking about how you're 16 year old sucking dick and with drinking. Yeah. That's how it starts with the stupidity. That's how it starts with the stupidity. No, his dad did. My dad did, but his mom is by the book. Yeah, my mom is, I've seen it.

Listen, I love what you're talking about here and Stahlia, but I'm a little older than you. And I saw, listen, I saw families that were Catholic as fuck. That I used to go to the house and eat Italian food. and nobody would curse

and then drugs started coming on the scene and two of the kids died this isn't my point I also saw people that grew up with kids that didn't do drugs but the parents played cards and on the weekends they played cards and drink

and we would go to their houses and because the parents went on drank he would have parties at his house today that kid's a fucking booze is it because so for me what was the cause that booze in that his parents weren't home. They were all fucking around.

Fucking around. Marching fucking around. But that's... Fucking around. Absolutely. And then you get mad. What is my daughter and what am I son doing? So in my world, I saw it from a lot of different perspective.

I'm 54. I don't even like to talk about what I'm going to teach her because I'm alive today. And I get to spend time with her and sit with her. Listen, man, I was exposed to things at young ages. I never should have been exposed to it. I never should have been exposed As simple as my own It sounds like it

Never should have been exposed I still love that I shot a gun You know In those days In those days There was a thing called the PAL The police athletic league Yeah

And after school If your parents didn't have enough money You signed up And you went to the police athletic league They took everybody Because they had a pool table They fucking sharpened guns They taught you had a clean guns

You know they taught you You serve lunches To homeless people it was a fucking adventure then this was before this way of you know I mean we're all looking

for a better fucking America every you know if you take your child to these schools in Malibu and whatever I mean before I even had a child I would go to barbecues at my friend's house and they were talking about

how they had to pull their kids out of Malibu High because of the amount of drugs drugs yeah you know like they tried to put them in a private school and they had more drugs yeah the more money

the more drugs, man. The more money, the more drugs. Totally. You know, so I'm sitting here going, like, right now I'm sitting here going, where do I move this child? But on the other hand, I want you to know something, Celia. What's up about it? But I grew up in one of the nicest, I mean, towns in the state where I grew up. But even where I grew up, it used to be called Drinking Drugs Berry, that my high school.

There's been drugs at high school forever. And you didn't do drugs? Not until I was like 16 or 17 now. And I barely did smoke to weed And I took my first edible One of those Like five minutes ago Homemade brownies

It was fucked up But this is my point It's everywhere, Joey Like it's every You can't get away with it So that's where I get to like Why If we're sheltering them

Like you're gonna see it on TV And now they have screens And they're all You there's YouTube Like you're gonna get into it So isn't it better now If we introduce it to them as kids? I think my question is

because I've seen, seen them some pretty interesting shows. Really interesting. On this subject. And I think one of the parents had a dispensary near or in their house or something to that effect. And they got their kids taken away from them, if I'm not mistaken. Probably. Well, I don't know, no, no.

Unless the kid got into it, they shouldn't have gotten them taken away for that. Or unless it was illegal. Was it an illegal operation? I haven't done the research. But I'll look at it up and see if I can find it. But my question is, like, do you worry? now that it's gone a little viral, and you say how open you are with it, because even though... Losing my kids, you mean?

Well, do you even, not for like, not full time, but like, they could contest it or maybe your ex-husband. I'm not sure what, like, I don't know what they're. No, no, because my kids aren't, I mean, it's the same as having alcohol. It's a legal state, and I have a card, and it's locked up from them. They don't have access to it. And so actually, it's not a child protective issue, and so CPS wouldn't have a case unless I was getting them high or I was getting so stoned that I couldn't parent.

But that's what I'm saying. I'm not. I don't do that. I microdose to control anxiety. I use it like its medication. And I don't hide that from my kids. Okay. That makes sense.

Not that I never get high. I certainly will, but my kids are not home when I do that. How's that? And they don't know that part. Like, I don't say. Sometimes mommy gets so high that she needs to go to bed. Like, I don't say that. I really like what you're wrong about the best.

metapause piece. And I like that you're getting grief. I turn you on to a different doctor to go down there and talk about this shit, you know, about the causes. I mean. Yeah, it helps menopause. It helps PPD. It helps, you know, PMS.

I, uh, I don't know. I've been, like I told you. See, I grew up in a drug environment. I know. It's a different story. I, no, no, no. I bought weed when I was young. I love weed.

I'll sit here across me. You're on the microphone. I'm a Bible, and I love marijuana, and I got a look in the eye and tell you that how I feel about legalized marijuana. Until this day, I don't know how I feel. I feel a lot better than I did five years ago. I know that the CBD oil is helping me. I know that I had a fucked up knee, and I bought some tremendous CBD spray, and I sprayed it on my fucking knee, and my knee feels great. I was waiting on the fucking

Epson saw you were going to bring me But the CBD you slipped up You're shit I wanted to introduce it to the fucking world You understand me That's gonna be that Acupuncture pretty fucking soon That's empower body care

They're gonna get you some I want to because I believe in a lot of that stuff I still there's a lot of stuff There's a lot of mysticism and shit That I don't buy into still Even though Wait what do you mean mysticism? There's just

There's a level of it You're singing like a shaman with we? No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm so sorry. There's a level of this whole movement that I don't dig. Oh, yeah. That people think I dig and I really don't dig

because I don't really give a fuck. Which? Like, I don't really give a fuck. You understand me? Sure. You got the wrong guy here. Which part? Which part?

Just the whole jumping up and down. Like, I don't like weed festivals. I don't, you know, I think it's a privilege. Yeah. I think let's take it around. I'm gonna shut our fucking mouth. You know, why be John Gotti and rub it in people's phrases?

Shut the fuck up. And you know what? You know what? 10 years from now? When there's 100 people in the hospital, God forbid. God forbid, God forgive me for saying something like this, but this is what's gonna need to happen.

This is what's gonna show those people that we are sitting here talking about that will never flip. Is for a picture of people that have cancer for six, eight months and other people who have beaten cancer and said, I sprayed this under my tongue three times a day for six months

and my spots, you know, went away or my boils went down or whatever the terms is, I'm sorry. Yeah, no, like your tumors. This is what's going to need to happen. Yeah. On CNN, 50 people saying I moved to Colorado and my son was getting epilepsy.

Families. And he was jumping off windows. And now, look at him, he's doing ballet. He's skiing with one. fucking leg. That's what needs to happen. Well, but that is happening. Listen, we need to see it.

But it is. Don't tell me your fucking stories. We need to see. Right, but that's happening. No, no, I'm not saying to you. You know, I love you. I'm not being this. No, no, no.

I'm just saying this. I'm that part of America. I agree. You know, but there's always going to be naysays that are like, it's not that. I'm in a weed store 11 years ago. Now, at this point, if you came to me with this CBD bullshit, I'd say, listen, my little Jewish chick, you're licking nuts tonight, a wheat, you're a little monkey. And if we got nowhere, I shook you.

I don't have to listen to your CBD oil bullshit. Who's that chick? She didn't want to suck dick. I'm going to keep her around trying to tell me CBD on heels you. This is when I was like, stop with the Betsy Ross flag. At this point, I don't want to hear about your fucking, what do they call it? What do they call it? I don't want to hear it.

I didn't want to hear it. And when day I go to this weed store, that's hidden. That's hidden. This is where a couple celebrities went. I didn't know about it because of celebrities I went there and bought papers And then the guy goes You know we got a weed store here

I go no shit And I went in there The guy quit his job On Hollywood on us And belly hills is a chef And him and his brother opened up a weed store And they got the fat guy

From the valley Right around Burbank Boulevard By Whitset There's a wheat There's a Wait Lee, wake up I'm talking to you

My mom I'm mom My mom you fucking cock sucker He needs your He needs one of the Death Star No, I'm with him now. So, he invested, and they opened up this little weed store in the back, but Lisa Hyatt, this guy was a baker.

You understand me? Like a fucking Beverly Hills, truffles, that type of shit. His edibles were supreme. You didn't even taste them out of one. You would go, Joey, you gotta get me that one. I don't give a fuck. That's where they had a Carrie Rodrigo Torres. You ever hear the story where we were all.

all eating edibles and all of a sudden they had to carry him to his car his legs are dragging where'd he go we had to carry him back to riverside no where does baker go did they fucking closed it down that they want to do it no more because that's what i've been searching for you know they were smoking too much yeah but these guys i'm in there one day they had platinum they had this weak chick they just did a profile out of one of these tv shows she was growing weed in belly hills and flying it and yanking people she did we get her weed there was an old G. This is 15 years ago. Nobody knew about O. G's. This chick was already

getting an O.G. And they were getting like one of the only shipments from her in L.A. was going to that store. And the rapper had that show. Lee, 10 years ago, 12 years ago, a rapper had a show on MTV where he would fix cars. Exhibit had... Exhibit were going there every day and buy an ounce of weed. It's the only thing in my generation.

That's crazy. Like this is how... This little weed store. You know who also one in that? Who's the chick that had the fucking TV show on ABC that talked shit and they canceled it with three episodes left. So she never went in occasion from the fucking 90s. She was trying to make a

comeback a few years ago. She used to go in there. I used to see the craziest fucking celebrities in there. So one day I'm in there, there's a dude with a fucked up haircut. Like I'm a rain haircut. This guy could beat the arrow and taxi driver. He could just shoot

everybody in here. And Celia, next thing you know, he bought like an ounce of this, you know, a hundred hours worth of this. And the guy started talking to him, the big fat guy, Pete, and he goes, well, you live around? He goes, no, to be honest he, I live here, but I had cancer,

and he goes, it was the weirdest thing. I was a fucking lieutenant colonel. Rookie Lake? No. Damn it. He was like, I was a lieutenant colonel in the, fucking army for 20 years for years. for years I despised marijuana despised it

and he goes I came back and I got cancer and I lost 90 pounds and I was really sick and my son made me start smoking it and I said no for weeks and one day I took a chance and it saved my life

I started eating and stuff and that's the first time I was like okay all right my sister has staged for colon cancer and that she's been using RSO, which is, you know, Rick Simpson Oil, and she was using suppository. So, you know, she was getting her ass high, which was right on there. And she would never smoke pot. I smoked pot.

I always trying to get my sister high. And I wrote a blog about this because it was like, I've, you know, I said I've been trying to get her high since I was 14. I've managed to do it twice. And the first time was when we were, I was in, like, right after college and I got her high at my grandparents' farm, and we got like the serious giggles. And then the next time was when She was diagnosed with cancer. And because she couldn't eat. She only weighs 90 pounds. And she was, you know, she couldn't eat.

She was, the chemo was making her super nauseous and throwing up. And it had already metastasized by the time they found it. She's only 40, she just turned 41. And she just had a baby. And so while she was pregnant, this cancer was growing. Her pregnancy basically masked the fact that she had colon cancer. And she's, you know, doctors won't say that this is what, It's like done it, but she's come so far.

I cannot believe you're eating a whole one of those. She's come so far and that if you're not a believer and you can't believe after seeing somebody who has cancer go through what, you know, they go through and come back from it. There's no one ever again. It's just throwing stars at you. Why are they wet?

Do it. Why are they wet? Wait, you know. That makes some extra tasty. No, they don't. Yeah, it does. Oh. Eat those fucking things and stuff.

His sweat has like 8,000 milligrams. that's why I get so fucking hug That's probably true Celia let me tell you something I love your blog I love what you do I love that you got the balls To write what you did

Because I love my podcast I can't really believe In today's society So many women would get mad You have to expect it Oh it wasn't just women It was men too

Men too Yeah yeah Calling me a shitty parent You're telling me to get my tubes tied Hope I don't have any more kids Why do you think it is Like, you know, moms can't have fun. Isn't that bullshit?

It's not fair. I believe in moms. See, I was raised by a single mom. So, and she had a bar, and she would dress up and get dolled up. I used to remember her going to the Cheetah. The Cheetah was the club before Studio 54. You understand me? That's how deep my mom would generate.

And I used to beg her, take me to the cheetah with you. I had to be four. I'd be crying. Take me to the cheetah, four or five, like a little girl crying. You fucking with that. Lee, knock it off. Do you know rebuke? No, stop with the puke.

Throw in your mouth. He's got stars over there to replay. Look him. He's tougher than now. Pop to star. Eat the fucking thing. Lear. This is constantly, every day with this guy.

You know, let me tell you something. I live. I have a 27-year-old. Oh, I didn't know that. I don't talk to. Nobody fucking knows. You know, unless the people listen to this. Uh, and by the age of five, I had made mistakes around her.

You know what I'm saying? I made a couple mistakes around. She from my cloth. One day she was watching TV in my living room. I would have her on Wednesdays from 2 to 7. And she was watching TV in my living room. And the Chinese guy came with the delivery. And I bought her some food.

And fuck, Jesus Christ, I couldn't get an eye like from one in the afternoon. Now at 6.30. I've answered 80 questions. I chased her in the 22 bicycles, you know what I'm saying? Like I'm a criminal and I'm playing dance for five fucking hours. And I remember one day I went out to the porch. And I fucking lit up a joint. I had an outdoor porch, load of smoke.

And I may believe it didn't happen. The mother, I don't think she did. She was, like I said, she was a Diaz. At the time, she was a Diaz. But that always, I always thought about that. You know, I was like, really, Joey? And what the fuck? And then she saw me get into a fist fight.

I didn't even if I had to see that. And that's when I was like, that's it. I got to stop this shit. Because she's going to grow up to be an animal like me, and I don't want her to see this shit. And I just, I don't know, have weird. Like I said, it's not weird. It's inevitable because she's going to come home a day and ask about drinking or whatever the fucking marijuana. I'm going to make a joke or whatever.

You know, I dread the questions. Like they told her at school, I was like, no, they didn't tell her at school. I was a comedian. They asked her if I was funny, and she said, fuck, no. She didn't say fuck no. She just goes, no, he's not funny. So, you know what I'm saying? She's like, Daddy, why would they ask him if you were funny?

I don't say nothing about comedy. Every once in a while. Nothing you do here is funny. What are they talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every once in a while, I slip and say show in front of her, and she looks at me like kind of weird, like she don't know. I don't want her to know I'm a comedian to a certain age.

I don't want her to go to your house. and be that fucking kid. You follow me. Don't tell me you don't know what the fuck I'm talking. Especially in this fucking neighborhood. Of course. You go to parties here and parents will go, hold on one second, and they'll bang two spoons.

And I'll listen, three little gay kids come out of the living room, dress like each other, singing the fucking Beatles. And you're like, where's my gun? Where's ISIS when you need it? No, no, no, no. You have no idea. I do not want to be that parent. I am fucking sorry, Celia.

I agree. I am sorry. So I don't want to be in your house one day With your nice Jewish fucking family And the guitar player of Jerry Garcia And Lee's there and a bunch of other fucking Jews And all of a sudden my kid breaks out Is this my god? Is this my god?

And you're like, what the fight? All these starts going, listen, I was doing lesbian tricks In the first grade and you people are like, no, she's not doing it. Oh my God. You understand me? Yes. So no, no, no, no, no, no, no. When she could understand what the fuck stand-up comedy,

is and how I do it and why I do it. Right. Dad's dead. If I go to the house and Longest Yard is on and my wife's like, look at daddy. I go turn that the fuck off. One time my wife slipped and she saw it, she's like, is that you? And I'm like, no. No.

And she didn't give a fuck. She goes, get that off. Perfect. She don't give a fuck. There's certain things that I got to feed her little by little dog. I don't know what order they're going to come. What day is she going to come and go, Daddy, they show us a prison. today. Were you ever in prison?

Come here for a second. Let me tell you a little fucking story about your father. You know, what about the day I've got to tell about her 20-year-old sister before her and why? You have no idea how this chapter of stories is going to wind up. What about the day she comes up? People go, what about you

YouTube? What about the day she comes up to me when she's 12? And she goes, I was watching a video of you and Lee. You said you were snorting coke or some chick's pussy. Did you ever snort? You know what I'm saying? This is the shit when I wake up at two in the morning and go, oh my God. Like this, I'm way ahead of you.

Yeah, it's a lot. I'm way ahead of you. So you want me to sell her, whether it's good for cancer victims, that's the least of my fucking dilemmas. You know what I'm saying? That's the least of my fucking dilemmas, okay? Right. You know, I don't want that fucking weed in the house. So you don't have weed in the house here you do?

Yes, I do, but I have it on the other side of the house way away from her. I don't let my wife leave in the yard if I go out there. I wait until she's in the bedroom. and I go out to a certain thing and I smoke out there. I keep the weed smoking in the backyard to a limited. Just for right now. Just for fucking right now. Yeah, she's young still.

Yeah, no, no, no. You have no idea. But you also accomplish a shit ton for somebody that's, like, the whole, you know. This is why my wife. Right back down on it. The rest of America thought that, like anybody else, that somebody who smokes marijuana is lazy. Right. It's a gateway to other drugs.

And they also think that they, just sit around and play video games. Right. I'm the anti-everything. Right. That smokes marijuana. Marijuana to me. You're not the only one either.

Put some coffee with that, that's another stimulant. They're mixing those now, you know. A piece of nicotine gum, that puts you over the top. You understand me? You can get like fancy coffee with, you know, we're in it now.

It's 35 million grams. That don't get dick for nobody. I got to sit there and drink 10 cups of coffee and be high and piss like. a fucking savage now for eight hours. Yeah, you do break the stereotype. That's what I hope with my kids. No, that's the thing.

Right. To me, since I was 13, and I didn't know how to describe it. For me, from the time I started smoking weed, forget about work ethic. What marijuana did, like, if you had a hard job, you called Uncle Joey.

I would go and assess it, and I'd say, Celia, it's going to cost you a yardstick. And I would smoke a little bit and go back in that room and put music on. And I wouldn't stop for four hours. And then for four hours, I'd come out again,

I'd take another tutz-a-luts, go back in there, get a half-and-cheon sandwich. That was my thing. I would work, I'd do anything, but I had to be high. As long as I was high, I could fucking do whatever the fuck you had for me. Give me a minute to figure it the fuck out.

But mule work? There was nobody better. I did more mule work high. I could paint rooms. If you come to me, They say, I got a building, I got five rooms that are exactly the same. The first room is going to be hard

because now by the time I get to the second room, it's going to be easy. I go in there and mask everything up, I throw paint. What do you think gives you the patience to do that type of shit? Yeah. Fucking six years.

But I feel like that's the same thing as parenting. It gives you the patience to parent. Let me, okay. It's like you said, the running around. Okay. Saturday mornings. Saturday fucking mornings. I wake up at seven.

and a year. The girls are sleeping until 8.30. My wife makes up about 7.15. I wake up about maybe 30 minutes, 45 minutes before my wife. I wake up. I press the coffee thing. I clean up some fucking cat vomit and shit. I go to my room.

I put the candle on. I pee. I wash my hands. I put on the computer. I open up to three fucking places. I'm going to go to. I start checking hot males. I drink some coffee.

After a couple, after like three or five. four sips of coffee, it's on, ceiling. I go out to my backyard, whether it's 615, whether it's dark out still, I fill up that fucking pipe, I close both doors behind me, and I hit that fucking thing. If I got some impuso, I hit it again, like a savage.

I go in there, when I drink some more coffee with some fucking nicotine gum, and it's all over. I start writing golds. I fucking send my emails up. By that time, I hear my wife, I hear my wife in the kitchen, fucking throwing garbage out of doing fucking something yelling at one of the cats or some shit.

And I've already done an hour's worth of work in 30 minutes. I'm already alive. I already know my mission for the day. I know exactly how I feel if I'm going to go to Jiu-Jitsu or not or I've got a plan B. I mean, but this is the way I've always been on it. Yeah. I don't think you're alone there. I think a lot of people are like that.

But the stereotype is you're like a lazy asshole. you know, you can't take care of your kids and stuff. And that's why when, you know, when the Yahoo thing came out, people were like, well, she's clearly an uneducated, lazy, you know, asshole, and she's going to lose her kids. And you know what? I have two businesses on my own. I have my life coaching practice and the blog.

And then I work for, I freelance and do, like, radio work for freelance stuff. And I freelance right for other places as well. And, like, I don't know, my kids see me working. I work around the clock. I never stop. And I have a master's degree and a bunch of certifications and a trained rehab counselor. Like, I'm not talking out of my ass. And yet people were like, you know, on me about it.

That's why I run the fucking show. I believe in here. Listen, here's a stereotype. But okay. Here's a stereotype. See, later that why is it like your next blog is a picture you with a glass of wine or a picture you with a joint? Yeah. Wine I could get away with.

Which one do you? Except me, I'm 300 fucking pounds. I drink two glasses of wine. You can do whatever you want. You can stick cucumbers up my pussy. You can do whatever the fuck you want. I don't even have a pussy. But after I drink two glasses of wine, I got a pussy.

You understand? I get fucked up. I'm stealing that. That's brilliant. I get fucked up, see, you know. I'm not an alcohol dude. There's a Heineken in there. You want to drink it?

Both of us will be on our fucking asses. Yeah. Last time I drank a Heineken out of your house. I was fucked up. And thirsty, if I get it in a pork sandwich. Holy shit. Eat a pork sandwich at 6.30 at night and go to bed. You'll wake up at three fucking diet.

I don't want to do that. But, uh... Yeah, I don't, I drink. I mean, I usually drink on the weekends. And when I say I drink, I have, like, a drink or a few beers on a Saturday if I'm out. But, uh, I don't, I don't typically drink and I don't drink during, uh, on school nights, like we say in my house. I don't drink on school nights.

I don't feel like I can get up. I practice yoga. for an hour and a half every day. And if I drink and I wake up the next morning, I feel like crap, but if I smoke, I'm in. I can tell you're healthy. I can take another. But yeah, I hear what you're saying.

It's the, it's the stereotype. Moms can have wine and we can have all, give me all the wine. You know, and like you said, moms aren't allowed to have fun. Didn't California just get voted in the marijuana? Didn't they reject it two times? Yeah. One time, I think. Think about that.

They got rejected one time. I know. But we can drink as much as you want. fucking Florida didn't. No, it passed this time. It passed. They didn't it just passed. They didn't they get rejected ones. But it.

People were not ready for it. You know how they got the thing sold? And yet, who is it so much worse for you? Tax money. Tax money. Well, yeah. Tax money. That's how they sold California.

And Big Farm is going to be involved soon. Yeah, but I don't even fucking think about that shit. That's always, let me tell you what the sad thing is. That if you drive, I always, like I said to you, I don't mind if you saw weed, my love. I always know you're going to sell it. Just do it professionally. Love to go to my weed store.

I'm a very loyal fucking dude. Lee knows I fucking get pissed on him when he fucking yelps and goes to different stupid places. But you'll try the stuff by the bar. They can't get cute with me. You know what I'm saying? People see those canisters

and they see the name on that. So when I go to your store, treat me a little fucking nice. There's places that treat me really fucking nice. So last week I went to this other wheat store I saw it I was driving In fact I was with my wife We're going to get lunch and I go

You know what honey I'm going to go there tomorrow for wheat She don't give a fuck I just say it to her She looks at this is great It just listens to the music So the next morning I went in there Oh my God Me I'm sitting there going

This place I'm not even a realtor Seeley I'm not a realtor But I know what 20,000 a month is On Ventura Boulevard in Studio City with four parking spots in front of your store

for that too four you understand me four four four on Ventura Boulevard right in the heart of the studio studio that's 20 nuts yeah that's 20 thousand a fucking month they got two employees

that look like fucking models of course the chick had a rack with a low cut t-shirt and the guy was trying to be a guy but I knew he had sucked a couple cock somewhere along the line the security guard was there

You know, my point is that I think these places have gotten a little bit too big for their britches. They've gotten awfully fancy. And if you go to Hollywood, you really go, wow. Oh, you must really, like, love the whole bud tender concept then. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, I kind of gathered. I used to go. The first weed story I ever went to was next to the Dukes on Sunset Boulevard.

The guy knew me from the comedy story. He's friends with Eddie Griffin. And he just came in when they go, so what's up, dog? and nothing. He goes, what are he doing here? Breakfast, what are you doing here? Because I own the weed store. Come on over and give me a holler. And I went in there and they had a hot little black chick from the Bronx with the fucking accent from the boogey down and shit. Quit.

Like the whole, oh my God. And she was killing motherfuckers because she was back to the smoking and selling and passing you a joint. Motherfuckers would go. They didn't know what the fuck was going on. She was tremendous, you know. But some of these people have lost their minds They used to be a place on Formosa Formosa and Santa Monica

In Hollywood This is 10 years ago They had a guy out in the street And he checked your security In fact, I saw Lawrence Fishburn Outside there one day He wasn't going into Buy Wheat I was standing out there and he just said a lot

I said hello to him But I used to go in there And I never forget one day I went in there straight face Hollywood 2009 and the girl goes hi welcome to whatever the place was

and I had been in there about four times already and I thought they had a sense of human and I looked like oh me and she said she was what are you looking for us or two you know and I look and I'm like I go listen I want to see the fucking devil

but she just looked at me and she goes we don't use that type of language in this listen to me we're living in a place that tomorrow morning, if you'd like. I think my wife has yoga at 10.30. You're more than welcome to come to the house. We will take you to breakfast.

And after breakfast, I'm going to take you to Kofax. Close your eyes. You know what that is? I do. There's a jinkies breakfast place there. Okay. We're going to park the car by the weightlifting place, and we'll walk down the stairs,

and you walk down there, and there's a little running path. And we're going to take a join. One of the joints you brought me today from the farm, I'm going to take that joy now. We're going to spark it. In 2017, Studio City, California.

Lee's going to sit there with a clicker, and we're going to smoke the whole joint there. And we're going to watch how many people are going to hold their noses and give us dirty looks. You will look at me and go, Joe, I thought you were fucking lying to me. I'm going to go, this is why.

You can't say this type of shit about marijuana. You want to smoke your weed? You got to keep it under the hat because these people are still living in 1920. They hold their noses and walk by you. I've never seen that here. Really? It's, I'll take you to a place. Totally.

I'm in. I will take you to a place that you'll see, like, grandmas running by. Like a grandmas. And you'll have your fucking joint and shit. They were running like 1930. And you'll see them running. And also, now look at your go, and they'll hold their nose is. and they'll run past you

and once they get 20 yards from you, they'll look back. And they'll take pictures of you. Can I wear my mama t-shirt just to like rub it in? Yeah, bring a video camera. You will die. You will go, Joey. I thought you were kidding me.

This is why. Why you intimidating grandma? They could be, they could be 40-year-old moms. I just went down there one day. One day I said, let me go for a walk. I put my running sneakers on

and I just got caught up down there. You all right. And I took a fucking, I don't know how he gets his living in a situation. And I took a joy to that, and I sparked it down there about 9.15 in the morning. And people were running by, and they were pissed off at me. If six people went by, four of them have to actually turn around and just stare at me for like five minutes. Like, how could you?

You know, though, those are the same people, though, that when they're running on the treadmill, they fart next to the person, like, that's running next to them and don't care. So, you know. They're just assholes. We live in a place where they're ready, but they're not ready. They don't, we can't reach them from any level. Like, you know, you finally believe in something when, you know what, man, I have a child. And Celia's child had a problem, and CBD all cured them.

Now we relate. We have something to relate on. Wow, really? So I'll bump into your swim class. She looks great. CBD. That's what you're telling me, Celia. You're Jewish, right?

You're trying to fucking look me in the face and talk to me about CBD all with everything your people have fucking been through You know talk to me about fucking CPD all about everything they went did my fucking been through We didn't really kill Jesus You know, I mean you think about it and you But it really does work for people It does I see you're working for my wife Yeah

She's seen it because it not She came to me and then she goes I don't know what happened you know and I I sprayed it on it I lost count And I don't know how high I got, whatever. She goes, it's empty. I mean, she goes, make sure you go today. I mean, she was serious. Yes, she should be.

That morning, the first thing I went and got in CBD-O, I put it on the counter. Let me tell you some. I could put a fucking thing on that counter. A month later, that thing will be on that fucking counter. I put that box in the counter. She swooped up like that and took it to her bedroom. I worked my wife slowly. She's not going to get high.

The higher she's going to get is on that juice. at 11.15 at night, that's as high as she gets. When I walk in there, she's not snoring no more. She's not biting her mouthpiece no more. Her sleep anxiety has gone away. Now, would somebody believe me in America? If I told them this, no. I have no validation for them to believe me.

Yeah, but they should believe you more than other people. You were a naysayer anyway, and you use the stuff. Here's the beauty of it. Like, you're the best person they listen to about that. No, no, no. Like when what's a guy did that did it on CNN? What's that do? Sopta.

Oh, Gupta. Gupta. Somebody was against marijuana until they saw that. Sanjay. Sanjay thing. And then they put it on a bill to vote it into, you know, that's how influential. That's the type of people that have to influence marijuana. It's not fat fucking ex-felons like me or a little chubby Jewish guy in Jersey.

It is moms, though. moms is a part of the circle to influence yeah when mom say something is okay listen to me I don't think a lot of people in America are ready to blow fucking reef or smoke in their kids faces who's blowing reef or smoke in their faces you understand what I'm trying to say I yes of course I think you have a legit story for Viceland I think you yeah I really do yeah uh why not I agree. I would love to do that. They're actually, they, I've talked to Vicerland before and actually, and I think I'm pretty pro-marijuana, but they, last I knew they were looking for a mom pregnant to smoke up while pregnant on camera.

And even that, I can't get behind. Like if I can't, that to me is pushing it a little bit for me. And that's saying something. But I, you know, listen, I think like we were talking about in the beginning with, you know, do you. UIs. Like, it was moms that changed that, you know, the outlook and that's, it was mad that got behind making sure that we had DUIs. Moms really can change things.

If you think about, like, a lot of movements, gay rights movement, you know, it was moms that came out and are like, I accept my gay son. And then, you know what? That changed pretty fast. Lots of people were a lot more accepting once mom said it was okay. Two things real quick, sit there. Please. Another question I dread.

Uh-oh. Daddy, why are those two dudes holding hands? How come of you and Lee don't hold hands? We do. Some guys are here. No, we don't leave. Okay, we don't fucking hold hands, cuck, sucker. Again, when gay marriage got put, that came way before my daughter was born.

And the first people I thought of were parents that picked their kids up at the park and two guys are making out in the corner. And your son, that's five, looks you in the eye and goes, dad. Why those guys over there swap and spit, feeling each other up? I don't like PDA, so I don't want to see anybody make out. But I exposed my kids to that early, too. Wow. Listen.

I had gay couples would babysit for my kids. Yeah. No, no, no, no. I had, my mom had the ball. We had gay people in there. Again, I'm not saying nothing bad. Oh. What I'm saying is that in my mind, there's people in middle of America.

Yeah. That if your son comes home and says that to you, they'll go home and get a shotgun. Oh, I'm sure. I'm pretty sure they left the comments on Yahoo for me. What are you saying? Right. You know what I'm saying? I just saw two guys at the park making it out.

The cowboy had something like that movie. Yeah, like that. Broke back mountain. And also that father would go home and get a shower. Yeah. They don't even think about that shit. You know, there's people that are ready for this, and there's people that aren't ready.

We can sit here and talk stupid arguments that have been beat up like a fucking carpet. They've been beat like a fucking carpet. But we've bought. into it because we've seen it. We've seen the changes it's done. Right. Do you think when I started smoking dope at 13

and going to shop right and stealing a six-pack of HUBBA and going back to school and throwing hubbubba of each other that I amounted that someday myself and another woman that has a mummy's website that's going to be here talking about marijuana and the knowledge I learned from that early education as stupid as it sounds? Because I grew up in the 70s when they weren't really looking at ADHD and all these child symptoms that they look at today. Do I believe in all these things? No.

No. I believe that, you know, the same feelings you had when you had that postpartum, they started putting drugs into you. Yeah. And these drugs, you and I could sit here to a green in the face. We both know that bad for you. Yep. It causes the chemical imbalance in your fucking. body and your fucking brain.

I mean, a lot of them are. Some of them are very helpful for certain times. But not when you start eating 12 of the money. No, no. Into your little skinny fucking frame and your mind and your husband and you have a child. I was nursing my kid. I don't know what that did to her. You just said you had a weird emotion.

Totally. You know, these are all things that, you know, I remember going to my doctor once and going, I need an anxiety pill. He didn't give me Xanax. He gave me this other thing. And as funny as the story is, I took it. I don't like that's the weirdest fucking pillow

I've never taken a mile like when I had this friend Like a Zoloft or something Like a SSR? It was crazy I don't know none about Zoloft And this shit was off To change crazy

A couple weeks before that A friend of mine said I have an oxycon You were doing oxy? I go no I didn't He goes I'm gonna give you a tiny amount A 16th over 16th It was just a little chip I went home one night

I got a spot at 1030 I popped this thing at like 730 I'm sitting there. Fucking 8 o'clock Lee, I'm sweating profusiously. Like that night I passed out in here from telling you the bloody story, I started sweating profusely.

I'd take my shirt off and shit. The room started spinning out of camps on my spot and go to bed. But I never ate something so bad. But the next morning, you know what I did remember? The fucking synthetic feeling that I had that night in that morning. And then I went on those anxiety pills

and I started getting the same feeling. And I had this friend Sergio loved that didn't anything. Remember those checks commercials when we were kids? What is it, checks? Give it to Mikey. Mike, you know? Life. Well, I like life.

Huh? Life is like one of my two. Me too. Mikey likes it. I like life. So, Sergio, you can give many things. So one night, Sergio, you said, I'll come. So it's surgical.

Sergio, take these pills. Let me know what you think. They're heavy duty. He called me too. ladies who the fuck were those things

and I threw the rest of them away and I started anytime I got a little bit of anxiety I started

smoking weed yep at that time I started putting it together weed stores were opening I finally went

and got my license and I said I'm gonna quit smoking I'm gonna do this this this is and Mara was gonna help me

do all those things and I did yep no I agree and today I could sit here and say this I never went

to a psych as a kid. God knows I should. The death of my mom, the death of my dad had an early age, that's got to be traumatizing. Yeah. You know, but I got to tell you something, I think a lot of the years would kept me together and what gave me hope sometimes is when you smoke

and you get that wind of creativity, that's also a wind of thought if you don't have a notebook. And sometimes that thought will pick you up in a dark spot, man. Because I know it did me, guys. know for a fact what it did to me. You know, all those years, I was in dark places, prison. When I got locked up, they put me on something. At first, I wanted it to get high.

But after I did it, like, four or five times, I'm like, fuck that shit. That's the shit they give to guerrillas to calm them down and shit after the circus. Like a tranquilizer? A dark gun? Oh, my God. And then I started taking them in prison and sell them for like $10. bucks and that guy was smoking him. He was getting

fucked up. It's like this little brown capsule. It's under, what's that thing when you do the shuffle? People will do the something shuffle, the morphine shuffle, the something shuffle. This is the cousin to that pill. And there was a little dosage.

The first night I ate, I slept for like 16 hours. I woke up, but like in the twilight zone. You ever eat one of those? And the next day I took it again. I slept my tent. Oh, my God. Why'd you do it again?

Because let's see what it takes. Let's see what this cave takes you. Then I took it down again, like the third night in prison, and it was okay, like that night. And the next one I woke up a little nausea, and I was like, I don't know about this. There's one that I had eating codeine. And in bold of Colorado, I ate some codeine to come down off of CokeBridge, and I had the same nausea feeling the next morning. So that night, when they gave it to you again at 7 o'clock, I said, should I take it? and took it.

And that night I got kind of high. And I go, you know what, how many nights? I asked my buddy what it was, and he goes, you don't want to keep taking that shit. That shit's going to make you a dead dick. You know, it's going to fuck up your mind. You don't want to keep taking that. I go, you know what? It's not worth it.

But he goes, I know who fucking take those from you. And it will give you a high dollar, this crazy white dude. So I wait for the fucking doctor to come. I make it put it in my lip. Once they leave, I pop it out of my lip, and I bring it to my buddy. And he'd give me like $750, $8, what the market price was, and that was the end of that.

He'd crush it up and smoke those things. We have a huge problem with that stuff in this country. Huge. Opiates are, that's a big deal. Well, I'll tell you what, states are marijuana illegal, opiate, emergency use, emergency room, visits are lower.

I read this thing the other day. And it makes sense. It makes sense to a guy like me. But most people wouldn't understand that guide. They look at it as the devil. They look at it. You know they started using marijuana to help patients in rehab come off of opiates. Like they're using it now as treatment.

It's been all the, because I'm, you know, rehab counselors. So I like stay on those threads. And I think that's really fascinating. And it doesn't surprise me at all either because it levels you out. Like we've said, it levels you out. Like if you have any sort of imbalance, it really can. I got Xanax at the house. I can eat his Xanax?

I don't have hide you. I could take two or three stars and there's really no difference. I'm looking at your fucking straight in the face and telling you can go home and take your Xanax and you're going to wake up tomorrow a little groggy. Yeah, hangover. I don't like that.

I'm going to give you a star. When you go home tonight, you're going to take a bite of it. You're going to go like this tonight. When the kids go out of the fucking house, you're going to go, my uncle Joe. game you something tonight you girls can't sleep here go to your fucking go to your fucking father's house i'll do it this weekend there after that's all weekend and you and you take the first time okay let's assume this is 125 correctly yes this is one yes so if i cut it in half

it's 65 so if i like ate the corner so you ate the corner one of these that's 35 milligrams right i guarantee the things They eat or Xanax. You call me up and go, Joey, why don't you go on 60 minutes and talk about this? Again, nobody would believe me. I need five world-class doctors to go on television and overthrow the fucking...

What's the Adam? Well, it's, you know... One of the sleeper. Aids. Oh, Ativan. One of the sleep Aids. Aren't there three big ones? Can you imagine if five doctors went on...

national TV and to listen, people. You could go to your pharmacy right now and take Ambien and whatever the fuck it is. Or you could buy these right here and take a little bite off. Well, they're not going to say that because they don't make any money on that. Right. I got like that. So you're always going to lose that war, which is a money war. That's the war you lose, which is, but it doesn't matter because you're winning your personal war. Wait, do you know what the organization, Kan of Kids is?

Have you ever seen anything about them? Oh, my God. I hang out with them all the time. No, I don't fucking know these people. Cana Kids is a mom started another mom started a whole like thing she's working with all kinds of doctors and doing tests and stuff with kids with cancer using cannabis. One more. Oh my God. I'm deep enough.

He's never going deep enough. Do you can't be deep enough. Listen to me. Lee, he ain't four, two. He had like six. He's on six. Oh, he said six dollars a little. No, no, I start with five.

All right. What do you got? And then he gave me two. And then he gave me two from a nine. One more. No. Oh, my God. I'm doing an even ton.

I just ate 10. I just ate 10. I did not. Lee, I've been eating stars here two of the fucking shot. I'm doing. Why you got a life long? I gave you another star with the T. We did the chocolate too, dude.

That's what I'm saying. I gave you the star with the TAC finger on and shit. But listen, they give kids all these, like, crappy medications to fight cancer, but they've, like, held back on. on this. Don't you think that's messed up? And if you saw research being done and you and you buy it it and that's the other thing. Listen, you already talked about this, you know, as far as like, you know, we showed that or we've talked about, you know, cancer being helped by, by weed. So like how, why is it so like, not that you're disagreeing, but the people that have come at me

about it? It's like if it might actually cure cancer and it helps people feel better from fucking cancer, is it really that hard to wrap your head around the fact that it helps me feel better, you know, with anxiety and fucking postpartum depression, because I don't think that that's like anything as, you know, next to fucking cancer. And yet this is stuff that we have to like argue with about, you know, with moms. Not you, but other people. But you're seeing the light, you know.

Who gives a fuck? You're all right. You're helping. Well, you're going to put the kiss of death on yourself. You know what I'm saying? Yes. Let me read some responses and we'll get the fuck out of here and we'll wrap it up. I'm happy you came on.

I am too. Thank you. I want people to go to a little mom. I want people to follow you. Thank you. I think you're very interesting. I think that I get where the fuck you're coming from. It's just that you went on a liberal mom web page on an election year, you know,

and all the bullshit that's going on, and you just crashed their heads in. It's like if I, what you did to people was pull the plug out in Las Vegas. Las Vegas would sit there and go, well, what happened to the electricity? Fucking celia. Pull the fucking plug. We also just in. doors to cannabis farm, which was a big deal for a mom blog to do. People are not ready.

People are becoming believers one by one. Again, you don't see me jumping up and down like John McDougal, but I'm telling you that I see it in different people. Kids came from New York, just as big as I am, went to Jiu-Jitsu, went there for a whole week. I became friends and I go, really? You're from Long Islandly? He goes, yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Because I quit my fucking job, and I went to San Diego, and I fucking worked that. Six days a week and it's been great. I go, you're a big guy. Six days a week. And he goes, man, I came out here and discovered CBD all. And he goes, I'm not as sore anymore. I can work out. He goes, in fact, I bought a bunch of bottles to take back to New York with me.

You know, I know that when I gave up edibles for lent this year and it helped my refur, but the CBD all felt a lot better also. In fact, if I spray three or four sprays at night of CBDO, I get a little four. fucked up at night. I'm not going to learn nobody. I mean, I don't see the devil. And I don't want to you know, fucking jump out of the window. But I feel a little wiesie. I got to go to sleep. If I wake up in the middle of night and I'm going to have insomnia. I go on the computer room. I put the YouTube on with music. I put a notebook out. I spray three or four those CBDs. I smoke a little bit. Give it an hour. I can't believe you can do all that, but dabs turn you out.

Like you're not. I don't want that shit in my house. Listen, no, no, no, no. This is my office. I'm not going to get my fucking car. and come all the way over here to get high. No, no, no, no. Like, I talk to you. I'm a really traditional type dude. You know. I know.

I kind of love that we argue about this. Once I got a, once I can't roll it, once I can't. I don't want to be involved with it. That blowtorch shit. Oh, yeah. That shit's scared the fuck out. It is scary with your shit. And it makes my wife think about that.

She don't need the fucking think about it. I hear that. Kabish. Yeah. My life. is dedicated to my wife so there's no drum because if you have a happy wife

you have a happy life you got a happy life you keep them happy they don't see blow torches in your fucking kitchen you know she don't wake up and she spoons and shit yeah yeah my wife I don't need my wife

does any of that no my wife does me something that she does for me because she loves me because she knows that I'll fuck it up if I do it but once every two weeks I look at my wife

I give her my pipe and my wife looks at me I go, thank you. She does something with it. An hour later that's in my bathroom spotless on top of a paper towel. I'll see her an hour later

and go thanks for the pipe and she'll go, yep. And that's it. That's the only thing she'll do for me. I think your wife a lot. Yeah, no, no, no. My wife is cool as shit. She really is. For me to keep that, I can't show up in my house with six motherfuckers

with a blowtor. and bring them in my yard. No? No. That don't even... That doesn't even come close to my world. Like, my wife doesn't... For the record, and before people send me hate mail,

I don't have a blow torture or anything like that in my house either. Whatever the fuck, they show up with the rocks and the thing. Listen, if you got to take more than the bonget I gave you tonight, you need heroin. Why fuck around with a rock? Right. Why are you fucking around? You're trying to tear it. Listen, it's not...

That was a good bongette. I don't fuck around. If you show up to the fucking cause of voodoo where we shoot this fucking play set and I have Reefer here, it's fucking world-class reason. I have to come see you live now. I am too.

Celia fucking Bihar, aka Beehar, aka over at littlemamas.com and shit, fucking putting it together for you. Again, don't forget, I'm going to talk to you people about something. Father's days coming. You know, I was joking around

and shit about your father's asshole before. I don't know if your father's asshole smells. I'm just using particulars. I'm 54 from time to time. I scratch my anus in the middle of the day, and I sniff it because I'm curious. And I know it's got some wang to it. And I immediately go to the fucking hello tushy.

And I wash my ass on. I even bust out soap sometimes and put the fucking towel in there and mix it all up and get the brown eye clean. You're ready to go. You're confident about your asshole. You want your dad to be confident. it.

Hellotushy.com. The bidet is back, okay? You don't know what a fucking bidet is? Let me tell me about what a bidet is. A bidet is a device that washes your little muffler clean after you go to the bathroom right there. Now, to install one will be thousands of dollars. You don't need that. Hellotushy.com is a new portable bidet that you install.

It goes right into your toilet. Bada, ba-da-da-b-boom. So after you take it, Staminia or after ladies, after you get a little stabbing, and he shoots that little fucking techno glue in your monkey. You know what I'm saying? You get that love plasma and that fucking skunk of yours. You went out three nights this week and got three different cocks.

What do you think that whole smells like? You think that's a pleasantry for anybody? Thank God this last guy had a bidet. You could just crack that cricket, put that water in it, throw some soap in that motherfucker and ping, pang, boom, your monkey's back and shit. Anyway, whether it's a muffler,

whether it's your monkey, whether it's your helmet, hello pushy does it all. You understand me? But they focus on the muffler. The mouflore is the whole thing. Why? Because that's where diseases start.

That's where you get hemorrhoads and you get different itches. And different diseases. You get fucking crab rat. What is that crab crotch? When people are sitting there and they're scratching their ass. Whatever, crab scratch. Whatever the fuck it's called.

You get that from sitting in your office all day. Never again. It's a portable device. You go home. You sit on that thing. You don't have time for a shower. You fucking put the cold water right in your little muffler. Oh, my God.

You don't know what peace and serenity is till you have little water hitting your little muffler in the afternoon. after a long, stressful day at the office or wherever you've been. Hello Tushy is guaranteed for 90-day guarantee. Nothing will happen. And they shipped right to your house. Do me a favor.

Go to Hellotushy.com. Look at the portable bidet. You're going to fall in love. You're going to fall in love, okay? You're not going to buy one of them. You're going to buy two of them. One for your dad and one for your mom, because their assholes been looking

like it got some wang to it from time to time. You know what I'm saying? She's eating those biscuits. Once again and shit backs up in that little muffler. Anyway, you can buy one for the office. Buy for the office. Go to hellotushy.com right now and press in. What is it?

Hellotushy.com slash church. Boom, and get 10% off your new hello tushy. Never have a stinky asshole again. Number two, are you hiring? Do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates? No, you don't. Let me explain some to you. It's very hard in today's market to get great.

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I want to thank the 5-4 group and I want to thank ZipRecruiter for sponsoring the podcast tonight. I love you, motherfuckers. Don't forget. Thursday night, flapp is 7.30. I'm doing a workout, 10 bucks, a notebook full of shit that comes in my mind when I smoke 52 joints. And also next Thursday, bring your improv bitches. Bring it where this whole madness started. Thursday night, Friday night, two shows. Saturday will come at you like a fucking big black cahuna.

You understand me? Anyway, I want to thank my girl, Gina Behar. Tell the name of the web page again. Gina, Celia. It's been a lot of joints. No, no, no, no. You look like Gina from Miami Vice. I'll take that.

The chick from Miami Vice. It's the lil'amamas.com. She got a great blog. As you can tell, she got balls of steel. I love her. You know, she's making a statement, ladies. Get on the fucking program. Wash your pussy, get hello tushy,

and that's it. I love your motherfuckers. Can you use it on that? Fuck yeah. Wash your pussy. Joey. Thank you for having me. Hit it Lee. Do you think they'll drop the bomb? Do you think

they'll like the song? Mother, do you think they'll try to break my balls?