The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #493 - Dr. Belisa Vranich
Episode Date: June 27, 2017Belisa Vranich, a renowned clinical psychologist, author, public speaker and the creator of The Breathing Class joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio! This podcast is brought to you by: Blue A...pron: Go to blueapron.com/JOEY to get your first three meals free and free shipping! Naturebox.com - Go to Naturebox.com/joey for 50% off of your first box. Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Recorded live on 06/26/2017.
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Welcome to the church of what's happening now.
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I'm going to the Onet Jim.
Me too.
Oh shit.
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Polish that dick and get those
fucking socks cleaned up.
It's going to be a good week.
Got to get back.
Uh.
Need some.
Need some get back
What?
Hit it.
Kick it.
Hey, back.
Dr. Belize.
That is.
Lee Syedico.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Danny Brown.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Are you fucking kidding me or what?
This is what black people.
We're black people right here.
What?
Are you fucking kidding me or what?
This is too much.
I can't even listen to the whole song.
I want to go out there.
and stab some fucking Democrats or Republicans or fucking whatever the fuck they are.
What's going on, Dr. Belize?
Great to have you back.
Lee Syatt, my little Jewish brother.
I think James Brown could have used Dr. Belize to help him relax a little bit.
Fuck, yeah.
James Brown had a lot of problems and shit like that.
There he is my Lahime brother.
I'm looking good.
Bad motherfucker.
And look at you with the Cindy Crawford.
You like that?
Pinky leash.
I just up.
I did my hair.
You look beautiful, Dr. Belize as usual.
What's going on, Dr.
Thank you. I'm kind of a little international right now.
Are you right?
I tell you, yeah.
Going to Australia, London, Sweden.
I am big in Sweden, believe it or not.
And all this to teach people how to breathe.
Crazy, right?
I'm the first one that thinks it's kind of interesting.
I wake up, I can't believe it.
This is what I do.
Yeah.
You helped me dramatically.
We'll talk about the steps I took.
I did like a G-Cundo effect to your book.
I took your book, but I played the Annie with it.
And I said, I told you, I used boss Routin's breather.
Perfect.
And I went to hypnosis to take the fear away.
And I figured out that the more and more and more, I just went to Jiu-Too, I wouldn't think about it no more.
You know, if I'm out of oxygen, you tap.
That's it.
And that saved me a lot.
So I want to thank you for giving me a book.
You took it and then you flew with it.
You know, you got, I teach basics, right?
I teach basics.
And then you took it and you changed it.
You made it up your own.
You did your good stuff.
There was only one thing.
that I had an argument with, not really an argument,
was that when I did it, I did it with the intention,
I think when you wrote the book, you said you could do it in 14 days.
It took me a little longer.
And I worked at it.
Because at first I did it for like 17 days,
and I saw a little more, I had more ability,
instead of holding my breath for 23 seconds,
I was holding for 28.
Nice.
There were things like that that were happening.
But I still had to eliminate that fear.
That fear was all.
always fucking there.
When I was a kid, I could hold my breath forever.
But with the sleep apnea, it dug into places in my mind.
So she was like a hypnotherapist.
She hypnotized me and she gave me a DVD to take home and bring with me.
And I've got to tell you something, it helped.
Good, good.
But it helped along with your breathing exercises.
Awesome.
Boss Routen thing, your exercises add up weights to it.
Orbells, I like that.
Sometimes you do push-ups for three months.
Yeah.
everybody will tell you
that if you do pull-ups, push-ups, sit-ups
and squash, you're good.
Yeah.
That's it.
Your body will eat more
if you add the things
will release in your body.
You know, you do that for a year
if you're in prison.
Like if you're in prison for 10 years,
you do it for 10 years.
You do push-ups and you learn to like them.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh yeah, you learn to like them
because you know it's 35 minutes of your day.
Yeah.
It's 35 fucking minutes of your day.
You will do it every fucking daily
in that little room, you will do a thousand push-ups.
I love that lock-up stuff.
They were doing stuff.
They were filling their boxes with coffee things.
Yeah, no, no, the things you do.
Oh, my God.
Like, we had, when I was locked up, we had a weight set.
But it was only a weight set that went up to 180 pounds or something.
But these guys made a lap machine.
They made pull-up bars, you know.
But thank you.
That's what I wanted to say.
Thank you for loving it and taking it where it went for you.
And I'm giving the book away.
I've gotten it back.
I go into some people in Jiu-Jitsu and they've made notes.
So there's a lot of great interesting stuff there.
If you're having problems, breathing, if you're rolling and you don't know what's going on.
And it's just something that you're absolutely right.
You're born with the natural ability to breathe.
And somewhere along the line, your central nervous system.
You know, messes it up and you catch yourself in bad habits.
And bad habits are hard to break.
It's like smoking a cigarette or excessive mess.
Cervation or, you know, something like that.
It takes a long time to stop doing that.
You have to get off it.
You have to change your mind's way of thinking.
Now, I know at night, I still have the same pattern of breathing.
I start off breathing out of my nose and sleep apnea mask.
Okay.
But I know I'm breathing out of my fucking mouth.
You try to tape?
Tape over my mouth and just breathe out of my nose.
I know it sounds silly, but super simple.
But guess what?
Someone's going to make a gadget that's a $10 gadget that just keeps your
lips together. Why not just use tape?
That's true. What about those mouthpieces?
You know, they can work. That's why a lot of guys who roll who wear mouthguards,
they will always breathe through their nose because they've been trained, you know.
Well, you have those mouthpieces that have holes in them. Yeah.
They're on Amazon for like 20 bucks. Yeah, if you want to do that.
I got a fucking mouthpiece. Somebody clocked me in the eye.
They look, I still got a black eye. It was tremendous. It felt great.
How would a mouthpiece help with the eye?
Huh? Because if they can kick me in the eye, they can not get in the tooth. If he would
have needed me in the tooth, that would have been a very.
vampire without a fang right now you know what I'm just fucking saying
a vampire without a fang yeah a vampire without a fang is it's like a fag without an asshole
oh no it ain't got to work you know what I'm saying you have a great uh Ted talk or Ted X talk
I got a little TEDx talk yeah it was and like one of the more interesting things and you
were just talking about it with the way that you breathe up and down oh Jesus Christ
this kid you know why you know why because he eats hummus
He's got, I told you, he's got a stinky neck.
What the fuck is that?
He's got bugs all over him constantly.
I can't even kill that.
Constantly, he's got bugs on him and shit.
There's a bee right now or something on the thing.
Last week he had a bee that came in here.
That's a bee.
That's like a roach or something.
I think it's a roach.
Why do you think it's going to you?
Because that sweetness or that fucking war juice you drink, that hummus comes out of your fucking pores.
Am I like the money?
I can't wait to go on vacation with you.
You're getting bit by a million mosquitoes.
And everybody else don't get touched.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have even pointed it out.
But it was coming my way.
It's that shit from the hummus.
It attracts all those scorpions.
No.
Yes, it does.
That was a fucking scorpion.
There's not even scorpions in Southern California.
And you got a fucking scorpion on your fucking table like a spider scorpion.
You don't see it by me.
You don't see it by Dr. Belize.
You know why?
Because it's that combination of that fucking Korean fucking bullshit mixed with that fucking fungus for hummus stuff.
Hummus looks like the stuff.
I squeeze out of the fucking pimples on my neck.
That's what hummus is.
Someone's eating hummus right now.
Right now.
Yeah, yeah, fuck him.
That's what they get on a chip.
That's that pimple juice on a fucking chip.
Oh, stop it.
A bunch of ice is squeezing pimples in your hummus right now.
That's why Trader Joe always has a recall.
Where did that even come from?
I think it just appeared out of the table.
It's the truth because that's what comes out of you.
They smell you a mile away with that hummus.
That's how we get, that's how we bombard those people in fucking Tehran and shit.
Where would the fuck come?
They have like a hummus seeking missiles?
Yeah, they have like a hummus snow.
The warmth from fucking hummus.
It's called an H-S-M.
Anywhere with his ants and bugs, there's fucking hummus.
That's the problem.
I fucking hate that shit.
It's like a podcast like no other.
If I was Trump, I would ban hummus.
Then really make these fucking people go crazy.
No travel ban.
Just ban fucking hummus.
Thank God you're not his food advisor.
Oh, that'd be the first thing I'd back.
I'm going to start writing him letters tomorrow.
You want to get rid of these fucking people?
Fucking ban hummus.
All these knuckles.
She gave you the head of the FDA.
And I'm not talking about just people from the states that are on the ban list.
I'm talking the rest of you fucking Gentiles.
They're eating hummus.
Jesus died in the cross so you wouldn't have to eat hummus.
And here you are.
Eating fucking hummus.
Jesus got stabbed 90 times beat up for 12 hours.
So we didn't have to subdue ourselves to eat fucking hummus.
Jesus took it in the fucking heart and sailed away because he couldn't believe.
After he took the beat and he took and he died, your motherfuckers are still eating hummus.
What were those people wearing?
Sandals, all of them, eating hummus having a good fucking time.
Is hummus bad for you, Dr. Belisa?
That's what the world needs to know.
You know, hummus is chickpeas.
So it depends how you feel about chickpeas.
If you don't like chickpeas, you're not going to like humus.
Listen, when I came from Cuba, my mother married this dude,
and then Juanito Quato Viento, and I loved him like a father.
That was his name, because he had four brothers in Cuba, and they would all kill you.
Juanito Quartoviento's favorite dish was Gabonso Frito.
So he would take those fucking fucking.
Garbonzo beans, you fucking Gentiles eat
just like that out of a can, you fucking animals.
And he would take those up and he would fry those up
with chorizo, real Spanish chorizo from Spain
with onions and green peppers.
You have no fucking idea what I do right now.
I used to tell him to go fuck himself whenever he cooked that.
I ate it for like a year, but then out of my hate for him,
I started fucking blockading it.
Like I put like a fucking embargo on it.
Like I wouldn't eat none of his meals no more.
except he made an kamadong in chilao that you had to look at him and call him mister and i mean people
go out this mother listen i hate them bro i hate them i hate them i hated them but every time i went to
new york you bet you ask if i didn't show up in this house or three pounds of shrimp and that dude
was so happy to cook it from him because he knew how much that shrimp and i eat it now sometimes
yeah not the same it's dead in new york it's not the same and he put peas in it and i'd curse him and it was still good
You're supposed to put peas in it.
Uncanon enchila,
yin sweno,
win calentico.
You're supposed to put peas on it,
not overabundance.
It's like when you eat
a rocan pollo,
the last seasoning of the peas,
the ones on top with the beer.
You put the beer and then the fucking peas on top.
Let me tell you something.
That dude made a garbanzo frito,
and for years I ate those garbanzo beans
because they were fucking delicious
with the chorizo.
And I stopped eating them.
And today, I would give a finger
if he came back from the dead.
Like, if he came back for 24 hours from the dead and came to my house, I'd have him cook fucking chorizo with the fucking garbanzo beans.
But that's the only fucking garbanzo bean omens.
Just mash it up, and then it's Cuban hummus.
It'll be spicy quino, no, no, no, no, no.
I want my Felipe.
I don't eat that vegan shit.
I don't like Felipe.
It has chorizo in it.
It's like the opposite of vegan.
It's opposite of vegan.
You got me thinking about raccon camaronis.
My dad made some raccon cameronas?
Yellow rice.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, the yellow rice on rocon cameronas.
coming on it?
Oh my God, that shit's a fucking magnastic.
Some of that Cuban food is really fucking good.
But in the words of Rudy Sarzo, you do that for a week and you get on the scale and you fucking cannot believe the weight that you put on.
It's like different calories than other food.
It just, it's exponential calories.
I don't, I can't, you know, I love, listen, let's be honest.
My favorite Cuban dish of all time.
And if anybody knew this, you'd agree with me, is Biketamia.
That's the thin state that they're.
They beat up with a hammer.
And they put these seasonings on it.
White rice and black beans with raw onions on the black beans and rice.
For that, I can eat that every night.
Let me tell you something.
If I lift weights, five sets of six, behind the neck, squats, I would get ginormous eating that.
That food, the steak with the white rice and the black beans.
The Cuban food makes you lift.
If you lift with Cuban food, oh, oh, garbanzas.
What's that thing they make?
Ahiaqo.
That stuff is pure protein.
That stuff gets your dick.
I went to the hospital.
When I was 15, I had a lung infection.
I was spitting blood and had something in my lung from.
Pariquot.
Paraguat.
But when I got out, my mom felt it was part of my diet.
Because at that point, I was cooking for myself, and I was eating the same shit every night.
I was eating fucking steak them with white rice with white bread.
Listen, dog, I'm the only Cuban that could eat.
I could win the fucking record for eating wonderbreads.
Do you understand me?
I love Wonderbread.
Okay, but not rice.
Okay.
I love white rice too.
With steak them?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
That's disgusting.
Okay, that's right.
That's what I was trying.
I would take those on rite of French fries.
Oh, nice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You put those in the oven.
A bunch of those, you put heavy salt and pepper with some ketchup with a fucking
with American cheese and some onions on white bread.
Was the white bread bean bowl?
Remember that white bread?
No, I'm an only, I'm a fucking underwender bread type of motherfucker.
I think it's closed now, isn't it?
No, I still get the wheat white and I get the wheat wheat.
Wonderbread has wheat?
Yeah.
Now that doesn't even stay right.
And they have wheat that's white.
Yeah, that's what I thought it was.
They have wheat that's white bread and then they have a wheat wheat bread.
And to feed breakfast, I skip all that shit.
Yeah.
I throw away bread every ring.
I feed the pigeons and shit because I just want it at the house.
So I like the 21 grain, multi-grained bread for breakfast with an egg.
That's good shit.
Yeah.
Not a lot of carbs.
Good for you.
You change your breakfast.
Every time I see you, your breakfast has changed.
You change it around a little bit.
I eliminate the bacon now.
Yeah.
I eliminate the bacon.
So there some days have two eggs with two pieces of toast with butter, bam.
Or two pieces of white bread with fruit and scrambled eggs.
That's my breakfast.
I'm getting it.
Between all this food talk, I'm hungry.
10 o'clock a protein shake.
Beyond pretty good protein shake and then lunch something small.
Whatever my wife gives me I try to take.
My appetite shrunk the last couple of weeks.
I want it. You know, I'm getting older. You don't want this much meat on you or when you're late 50s and shit. So a little by little, not you. I'm talking about me. You look good, Dr. Belize. You're over there throwing heat with a miniskirt on and shit. It's their shorts. They're shorts. So now you're training more people. You're still like sometimes we speak and I get off the phone and I'm really in shock of the type of people you train. Like, fucking Israeli fucking Krom of God guys. You taught them how to breathe. You taught them how to breathe.
These guys are supposed to be the best of the best, and they don't know how to breathe.
Nobody teaches you.
Listen, few jujitsu people, except for Nick Gregorius, BJJ Brotherhood, have a special tape just for breathing.
But you could walk into any jiu-jitsu school, and they don't dictate a day or two to jujitsu breathing.
The reason why I go to drill class is because drill class will teach me the movements I need and when to breathe.
So I could think about it.
Number one, two, three, right here I'm breathing.
I'm not breathing.
That's how much I had to take it.
Yeah.
So I could learn how to breathe.
But the breathing was not the only thing, Dr. Bleas.
It was that fucking fear.
Yeah.
That every time I grasped for air and I didn't get it, the world was ending.
Well, think about it.
Every night you went through that with the sleep apnea.
So it was deep.
That was deep.
But if you get, you know, if you get talked,
told to use a sleep mask, the CPAP, use it.
There's a lot of people that don't want to.
Use it.
Look at this chick.
She died from sleep apnea.
That's the truth.
You know why?
Because number one, when you get on a plane, the air is thin already.
You want to fuck around with drugs on a plane, whether it's coke or fucking, and I did
it.
For years, I did blow and flu and drank cocktails up in the air.
But you got to realize something.
At 60 years old, she had heroin.
cocaine.
The chick who just died, Star Wars, Carrie Fisher.
Oh, yeah. Sixteen.
Okay, then she got on a plane and fell asleep.
Okay, when you get on a fucking plane, if you got to sleep at me,
let me tell you something, don't fucking fall asleep.
I got thrown off a plane one time in Newark,
because I fell asleep before the plane took off.
In those days, those chairs, once I sat back, I would fall asleep.
My neck went back and I started going,
and they fucking woke me up and said,
you got to get off the plane, though.
You scared the shit out of everybody.
You're like a fucking Halloween mask.
You're scared that.
I was 400 pounds.
I remember one time I was in Dallas when I was doing a tour.
And we had to get up Saturday morning.
This was like a sign.
This is Lee, this is, Lee, this is 2004, maybe.
I had done Mad TV, maybe Spider-Man 2, and a couple other things.
And this producer called me, this black promoter.
wanted to call it the Latin nights of comedy.
And you had a blow-up tent
in the back that had like a castle to it.
It was a joke.
Every show we did,
he always came to your room later on.
And if he told you 800,
it was $6.50 now because he didn't sell enough tickets.
One night I got a knock on the door from the radio people.
He never paid the radio people.
And he ran.
It's on your seat now.
Now it's on your chair.
Oh, no.
Lee, go get it.
That's it.
stop eating hummus. Maybe Dr.
Blase eats hummus. No, it's you.
It's you with that hummus.
It's trying to get back to me. You're attracting roaches
and shit. God damn it.
This is what I didn't fucking want me. God damn
you eat that fucking pizza
mate. I didn't. I threw that pizza away.
God damn it. Oh, you didn't? You ate that pizza.
No, I didn't. I have the camera here.
You ate the pizza.
Jesus Christ. Maybe it's the fucking
we that falls on the floor.
That roaches don't come to weed.
Trust me. It's that fucking hummus that comes
out of your pores.
Oh, my God.
I got in my heart.
You smell like a fucking sweet cake
for these fucking things
with that eating that shit.
Last week, a bee came in
and went right to him.
There was a spider around them
that landed on them
about a month ago.
Are you seriously?
Why do you think all these things happen?
I don't know.
Maybe you're putting the milk on me.
It's you.
Because that thing comes out of your
fucking neck, that hummus smell.
Like I told that.
Smell his neck.
It smells like hummus and shit.
I wish I moved to Israel right now.
Don't blame the Israelis.
No, I'm saying I move there right now for my hummock, my next month like hummus.
A nice little IDF girl.
So when you go to Israel and you teach a problem with guy, guy, like a whatever he was, he was like a high argument?
Yeah, yeah.
He was head of the American Israeli problem.
And what were his problems?
Like what?
Not if you discussed some of his issues.
No, no, it's fine.
He actually, you know, gave me an endorsement and was really into it.
But he was breathing, inhale, he went up, and exhale, he collapsed, which is what most people do.
They go inhale and they try to, like, get taller and puff up their chest.
And then the exhale, they collapse.
And think about it.
If you just collapse when you exhale, you're not getting carbon dioxide out.
So you need to completely change the way, the framework that you breathe and breathe the way you did when you were a little kid.
When you were a little kid, you were fine.
So when people say, oh, you know, breathing is natural.
Yeah, till you're five and then you screw it up.
And then so you have to go back and think like, okay, how does my diaphragm work?
It works so that you inhale and you expand your body, and then the exhale should be your body narrows.
It shouldn't be up and down.
You shouldn't.
Why are you using your shoulders to breathe?
You got a diaphragm that's like a huge muscle in the middle of your body.
That's supposed to make you breathe.
Not your shoulders.
It doesn't make any sense.
But we screw it up.
And we breathe just enough to live, but not really to get all the oxygen we need, to use our diaphragm so that we don't have back pain.
so they don't have digestive problems.
It's all part of it.
It's all part of it.
I could tell how much breathing has changed my life.
Working on it has changed.
My color's better.
Yeah.
Your exhale's great.
Yeah, everything, you know, now when I finish class and I do a lip-miss test,
it's always at that fucking light green.
It's very nice.
Perfect.
Yeah.
It used to be black.
It used to be fucking black.
So it's a pH strip that looks the acidity inside your body.
And Joey would lick this, and I couldn't believe the thing.
would go from yellow to black black there's nothing but THC smoke in me and I would tell
people that when she put needles in me and acupuncture or cut me Dr. Amy doesn't get eye she got no reason
I got a relationship with Dr. Amy of 10 or 11 years Dr. Amy got no reason a lot of me
Dr. Amy would tell me how much weed I was smoking by me going to acupuncture and her
cupping me she would say Joey you've been hitting her lately I go how to
you know she goes fucking look at these cups i can feel the heat coming off your body you
you smell it every time i hit you with a fucking needle you know it's like fucking invisible smoke
comes out of you know there's times i work out dr belice and as i'm taking my shirt off not even by the
bottom by my ass if you have a shirt and the back of it smells funny that means your assholes
and you got to do things you got to get tushy dot com but like when my back in the middle of my back
always has a weird odor for it for years from detoxing.
God knows what comes out of your body.
Kidneys are down there too.
We found a shirt one time when we moved up here nine years ago.
We found a shirt of mine that was hidden.
That was when I weighed 418 pounds.
It was one of my favorite shirts.
It was a white 6x shirt that I bought in Texas and shrunk it to fit me.
At that time, I was like a 5.5x.
Maybe a 5x.
How do you shrunk at half his eyes?
Dr. Belize, it was amazing to see that we looked at it.
Me and my wife pulled it out.
She goes, do you want this shirt?
And we both looked at it.
And you could see what I was doing to my life at that time.
Wow.
With that shirt.
Every other shirt from that time, my wife bleached your shit.
Like, I like my shit clean, you know?
Like, I like my shit clean.
My wife knows in my house, don't be skimpy on the soap.
Who gives a fuck?
Soap is what?
$4.
Buy soap.
I had soap, put vinegar in with the geese to kill the smoke.
My feet with that fungi toenail, put two cups of vinegar with those.
And add those to my underwear, too, because God knows what comes out of my asshole at night.
You know, you got to add two cups of vinegar with it.
I never even thought your laundry routine.
Oh, it must be crazy.
Yeah, I got a fucking heavy duty.
But I looked at this shirt, and this was a really sad time in my life because I was doing blow.
I was not drinking water.
Forget about breathing right.
I didn't even know you had to breathe.
And I was doing blow.
and smoking cigarettes.
First of all, you had to see the armpits.
It looked like a coffee filter.
I'm embarrassed to tell you guys.
The armpits looked like a...
That's what was coming out of me in those days.
It was pure black.
And not even when you were working out?
I was not working out in those days.
The only time I sweat was when I did cocaine.
There was no working out.
I was 4-18 leave.
The only time my sweat was when I did an 8-ball and jerked off
and couldn't get my day.
car and I'd be pounding like a monkey
for 10 minutes. That's a sentence. The only
time I sweat. Yeah, it was when I did blow.
Everything, I was like a recycling blow machine.
I would snort blow and blow
would go out and it'd be fine. It was fucking
embarrassing. Lee, I'm embarrassed
to tell you this right now, but it's a reality.
But if you saw that shirt,
we both looked at it, folded, and threw
it in the garbage like
that life is dead.
Were they like cigarette holes in it and something like that?
No, no, no, no. Just the armpits.
If you looked at the armpits and it started,
here, like it was yellow, and then the more you went closer to the armpit, it was like,
Brian, let's face it.
Your lymph is going in there.
I think that's an important place in your body.
Between the nicotine and the cocaine and the eating 20 eggs and butter and God knows what else.
You know, that's what happens to your body, man.
I wonder how long, not to be morose, but how much longer you would have lasted on that road.
Like, was it going to be a week?
Was it going to be two weeks a year?
46.
I would have died.
I was two years away from dying from the blow.
And how I knew this was I was starting to get pain on my spinal cord.
I was stunned.
At night, once I'd do like a gram of Coke, once after that,
I would get sharp pains in my spinal cord.
That would be like somebody zapping me with those guns.
Oh, yeah.
So I knew something was going on.
I didn't know what, once I stopped doing cocaine, I never got it again.
You got to imagine that when you do coke, your blood pressure rises.
Oh, yeah.
So in those days, I was walking around 180 over one fucking 60.
At 418, I was walking around.
I would go to the doctor, and they wouldn't let me leave to my blood.
Sometimes I'd have to sit there for 45 minutes until my blood pressure would go under 140.
They would give me like medication, extra medication.
So it was a disaster.
So I think I had maybe 18 months before she would have found me on the floor.
I would have had a heart attack from the blow or something or stroke.
I was going to get a warning sign.
God had already started painting the warning signs,
and it would be weird.
I'd be on the computer,
and all of a sudden my spine close to my neck
would feel like I was getting fucking stabbed in the fucking spine.
So I was like, if I keep doing this...
You know it.
You know how much longer you have if you keep going the way you are.
Yeah, you know.
You can ask people that, and they know.
They absolutely know.
I was telling Lee, I've been watching a 600-pound man
because it's very interesting to me.
in a funny way, but also in a serious way.
Like, at one point, as a human being,
you go, I got to do something about myself.
For me, it was 418 pounds
and not being able to walk
three minutes on the treadmill
on like 1.5.
Like, I just keep, the guy stopped it.
He goes, you're in a pickle.
You have to quit smoking,
and you have to walk.
on your own. There's nothing I can do for you right
now. You can't bend.
And I still had flexibility.
I could still bend and touch my toes.
You were flexible. You were crazy flexible.
It was like if I bent over,
I would pick my head up and the world
would spin because it was no oxygen.
It was just getting cut off.
I wonder what your litmus test would have been
then. You'd have been off the charts.
It was terrible. I was always pre-diabetic
then. I was always on the
he would always go
you come in here one more time.
this I'm not to put you on medication. It was scary. It was really fucking scary. I had a guy come in to
see me years ago, um, as a therapist years ago, like 10 years ago. And he said, you know, you want to
talk about this and the other. And I said, well, we need to talk about your weight. He was a
very big guy. And I had a scared feeling. Like I can tell things about people depending on how I feel.
And I looked at him and I felt scared for him. And I said, we got to talk about your weight first.
You know, we can talk about the other things. You know, what happened today.
so and so forth. Let's talk about your weight. But I really like, I was really firm. I was probably
too firm. And I said, we have to because you're on the brink. I can feel it. Like I know it.
To me, I would be negligent. It would be unethical for me to let you go and not ask you what's
going on with your body, what's going on with your soul as far as your weight. And he didn't like
that. He got like upset. He thought he was a good. We all do. Yeah. You're going into a personal space.
As a fat dude, you know, Rogan was my agitator. He took me out to dinner.
And then while I'm eating the steak, he's like, Joey, look at how you eat.
You fuck, what did you bring me here?
He gave a fuck about me, taking me to a fucking salad house.
You bring me in here, the smallest steak is a 16-house border house.
And then you want to tell me while I'm biting into it how fucking fat I'm getting.
And it bothered me.
But when you get to that heavy, that's why that show interests me, because at one point do you know?
At one point, you go, wait a second.
I'm not fucking walking.
Like at that point, my wife was time my shoelace.
Like when I did the longest yard
There was a point where she had helped me get dressed
Well didn't you know
Because I mean
Thank God I never got
I got to 315 which is huge for me
But I was still able to walk and stuff
But I knew
Like I would still get the food
But as soon as the food was gone
I'd feel bad
And like you know how big you are
I don't think I knew exactly how big I was
Like that picture with us in Cleo
Is the biggest I ever was
And it still blows my mind
But I knew I think
Didn't you know a little bit or not really
you know but you get to a point where you just don't care you don't care number one and you want to test fate you want to test you want to test fate you want to test science you want to test that listen I'm still not where I should be and I'm still not where I want to be but I got to tell you something if you look at diets from 10 years ago to now I'll blow your fucking mind after what I would blow your mind what I used to eat now and what I watch when I go to
a restaurant, I eliminate the bread, I eat this, when I'm on the road, what I eat for breakfast.
You know, when I'm on the road, I eat two eggs, the wheat toast, a cup of oatmeal, and that's it.
And that's it.
And that's why I lose weight on the road.
You lose weight on the road?
I know how they lose weight on the road.
I gain weight on the road.
The big thing with me is sugar.
Yeah.
People say if you have sugar in your blood, you cannot lose weight.
For me, sugar, listen, you're going to eat tomato sauce.
That's got everyday sugar.
But I don't know the desserts.
and I don't drink soft drinks.
Those two are a killer.
And if I do get a dessert,
it's a dessert for it. Bring three spoons.
Why should we have three desserts?
That's good of dessert.
Get three spoons and get a cup of coffee and get some water.
Yep.
Everybody gets too nice.
I go to a restaurant.
I go to a specific restaurant sometimes because they have a great salad.
I look forward more to the salad than the meal.
Because now, you know, when I go to a,
Let's just throw it out there.
Like years ago, I'd go to Morton's with Joe or something, or Eddie,
and I would get the clam chatter.
Fuck the salad.
I'd get, like, something heavy for, like, fried shrimp.
The clam chatter, the bread wouldn't stop.
With the butter by the fucking knifeful, you know.
Warm bread, warm bread, too, right?
Warm bread at Morton's or something.
I would get the steak, the mashed potatoes.
I'd eat half of Joe's sides.
I'd eat half of Eddie's sides.
And then fuck dessert for six.
Let's get an individual dessert.
And whoever they wanted it, like Ari, because Ari is skinny, how would eat his?
That's what I ran at.
Now, if I go to a restaurant, I eat the steak, I cut it in half.
If it's a 12 ounce, I cut it in half, and I take the other half home.
You're motivated.
Because the steak at night is the big fucking thing for an agitator and get a heart attack.
You want to get a steak?
You want to eat a big lobster tail or a big meal?
Don't eat it at night.
My big meal now is at lunchtime.
Good, good.
You know, if I'm going to eat a big meal, like today my wife made,
24 ounces of fucking halibut
grilled so I ate like 12 ounces of halibet
with a corn on the cup
I ate a ton of protein
and I made a protein shake
So I'm trying
It's not like I'm still eating ringdings
Yeah I love those
Yodles
You know when I grew up in New York
I can eat a yodel every fucking day
But then I went back in my four years ago
I ain't a yodel
It wasn't that good
It wasn't worth the calories
It's like Dunkin' Dottes
It's not worth the day
calories no more i take you the yum yum donuts at night oh and those little mexican donut makers
without no papers they make a donut that you have to think to let me say it so if ice goes into
yum yum donuts and they go let me get out yeah everybody up against the wall all the mexican dude has to
look at that fat little white cop and go taste one of those donuts do you really want to send me back
even the fucking cop will go you know what let them stay just say they ran out good luck to you
we love you we're gonna come in every night for donuts by that's good that's good
That's how good yum yum dough.
And if you got time in the daytime,
Lee's favorite is on Magnolia.
They got a blueberry donut
that'll make your asshole shoot fireworks.
I've always wanted that.
But if you go to Buffalo,
I think the best donut I ever had
was in Buffalo, New York.
Really?
Yeah, that's the best donut I've ever had.
That and the lobster tails in our Richfield Park, New Jersey,
are the only things that I'll go off to die for.
When I lived on the Lower East Side, Manhattan,
Now I'm on the west side.
I lived by a place called the donut plant.
That was, I lived, can you imagine living next door?
How horrible is that?
To the donut plant.
It's horrible.
You can put a start a tab.
When you got a tab at a donut place, it's not going to end well for it.
No.
Have you tried a cronet?
I have not.
Oh, they'll have sounds like.
I don't want to like anything else.
Me neither.
That's why I never tried ecstasy.
Like when ecstasy was big, I was like, I got no problems with blow.
You know what I'm saying?
I want to do ex-a-cisset.
No, I don't want to get something else.
I want to do something else.
Yeah.
want to do excessy and MDMA and fucking, you know, no, no, no, no.
I'm the same way.
I don't like trying nothing new.
I like fish.
You know, I eat a lot of fish.
I eat as much fish as I can.
The steak.
You're careful.
You're careful with the mercury and all that, right?
Yeah.
What are you going to do?
All right.
Listen, if you eat steak, it's got steroids.
If you eat chicken, it's got steroids.
If you eat lamb, it's got everything you eat is fucking bad for you.
So what are you going to tell you?
And then there's hummus.
It's a bad situation.
What are you doing next?
Where are you headed?
So I'm teaching.
I'm teaching a lot of people right now.
So just came from San Francisco, did what's called a master class there and took all my top students and worked on them there.
I had firemen, had yoga instructors.
I want to bring you to an inversion yoga class, you and your wife, if she wants to come.
Where is it?
Yeah, Culver City.
How's that?
You're in no danger.
Culver City is like fucking New Jersey.
I got the baby.
up here. The problem of me is I don't like straying unless she's local. If she's got to go
somewhere, then I stay local. We'll come to you. If I go to Jiu-Jitsu, if I go to Jiu-Jitsu,
I don't bring my phone into J-Jitsu. Because I know my wife is lurking north. So, you follow
me? I'm one of those dudes. You don't cross the 10? I don't cross the 10. That Colvest
that's a motherfucker dog. Unless you go out like 11 o'clock in the fucking morning or something
and what, you know what I'm saying? Like, when the fuck? That's like New York, not
crossing east side west side nobody wants to go east side west side in new york somebody tells me now i'm on
the upper west to go to the lower east side i'm not doing how long did it take is it crazy it's not
i mean the traffic here is just you know you don't do the subway what do you think the traffic is worse
here in new york at this point in your life right now here because there's more space the traffic in new york
is that that bad if you avoid two or three streets at specific times you're fine and the subway is so good
The subway is so good
It doesn't even matter how much traffic there is
You gotta have balls
Every time you go on the subway
I love the subway
You gotta go on the subway like you're 50
It could be your last day
Every time you go on one of those New York subways
It could be your last day
Look how different it was the subway cars in the 70s
You remember those crazy looking cars
Full of graffiti?
They were disgusting
But that was the art
That was the flare that New York had
When you got on the train in the 70s
It was hilarious
and eight in the morning you got on the train
and you were having a bad day
you got off that train going
you know what man
my life ain't that bad after all
because either you had the heroin people on the train
that were drew one of four
Lee they used to be on the bus too Lee
the number one bus from
from Jersey City of North Bergen
we get on there as kids and there'd be a heroin guy
and the first time those seats emptied next to him
we jump in them and we start throwing spitballs out of his shit
so he woke up
You have no idea how much heroin people, entertainment they are.
Because when they wake up, they try to look at you like they're not on heroin.
And they don't know that.
They think that they got you fools.
But they'll try to be all sharp.
And while they're doing this, while they're scratching their face, they'll just fall asleep again.
Then they'll fucking wake up and shit and make believe.
Like, what time do you have?
Can I borrow your daily news?
Like, you're really going to fucking read it.
And why are you torturing?
Because why not?
You're 12.
You're 13.
You got the torture.
Or you had to be in the 90s, early 90s when I went back to New York, you had the people.
You got on the train.
And right before the train closed, one skinny black dude got out.
And once the train took off, you go, can I have your attention, ladies and gentlemen?
Can I have your attention, ladies and gentlemen?
My name is Leo and I got AIDS.
Not only do I have AIDS, I have sick or cell anemia, I got diabetes.
I got the flu.
I got a headache.
I got a toothache.
missing a finger. I'm a veteran of
Vietnam. I'm missing a foot. I got Agent Orange.
I got syphilis.
I got a hernia. PMS.
I got PMS. I got diabetes.
And all I'm looking for is for a little donation.
Brother, I'm going to pass a hat around.
And then while the hat was going
around Lee, he busted out
into song.
About all of his ailments?
Huh? What song would that be?
Like some song about happiness.
Yeah. Saturday.
Sunday day.
Sunday.
a day, son a day
is gonna be a Sunday day
because the people on the train
are gonna make my son a day
and he would sing
and people would be going
oh no
and he'd get like a dollar 50
and he'd go
fuck you motherfuckers
and he'd jump over to the other train
dog
and right there you walk off that train
going you know what
these three bucks in my pocket
they don't feel that bad now
I don't feel that bad about having $3.
No I guess not
now you're gonna go to the train
they do have cops
every platform, which helps.
I'm just so paranoid of all that
shit. When I'm in an airport now,
I'm fucking scared to death.
I don't like standing in the front of fucking airports
no more. Like usually,
you get to an airport, you're three hours ahead of the game,
you check in, they take your big luggage,
you sit there, you go, I can go inside the airport. It's a sunny day.
You know, you used to standing outside over an LAX now?
After three minutes, you'll leave.
Because there's a guy that walks by you with a fucking
machine gun, the size
of fucking Rambo in 1985.
And once you actually see that machine gun five feet from you,
it does something to your heart, dog.
It dampens it.
It's not a fucking TV show.
This is real life.
The other one out, I checked it early.
Last Thursday when I went to Kennedy,
uh, fucking whatever,
Kennedy Airport.
I got the LAX in 10 minutes.
There was no traffic at 1.30.
I checked my luggage.
I went outside.
I was outside five fucking minutes.
And two guys walked in front of me with fucking guns
that could kill a fucking,
an aunt.
But wouldn't you want to be near them if the stuff is going off?
Not at all.
I don't want to be that close to a fucking weapon going off ever in my life.
Do I want to be near them?
I don't want them at the fucking airport.
They should not be there.
Why?
Because we shouldn't be in this predicament, Lee.
That's why.
Yeah, but people are fucking bringing, they just brought a gun into LAX like a year or two ago.
That's that fucking weird.
They got with that rifle.
You're not getting my point, Lee.
Okay, I'm sorry.
When I was a kid, I'd go through the airport and light my balls on fire in the front, and I could feel safe that a car wasn't going to come running through and go and then killing 16 people and stand there waiting for a platform.
I'm going to stay on that platform no more, dog.
I watch everything now because you have to.
You have to.
Yeah, it's terrible.
But to see, it's like, have you ever hug somebody when you go to hug them, they got a piece?
No.
Have you ever done that?
When you go to hug them, they have a piece.
It's a lot different.
It's like touching some of these fucking.
soul your whole body gets goose hairs even if you love the person you love the person when
you hug somebody let's say if they're just in New York and you bump into them and they got a piece
and I have friends that I would hug and then have illegal pieces on their back my body would shake
yeah I can't even know oh my god you just I don't need that in my life you don't know what that's
likely to hug somebody and they got a piece on them I don't even think my brain would go to that
and they got two other dudes with pieces on them but you grew up with them so you got to stop and talk to them
hug them and they want to buy you a drink and talk to you about the weather.
But the whole time you're going, this guy's got a fucking piece on him.
I know for a fact, he ain't a fucking cop.
Are they criminals or they just hang out?
Even if they're cops sometimes.
When I see Bobby, I know he's a cop.
When I hug him, my hand fucking freezes because he's got a piece on him.
Your mind goes right to why is he have a piece on him.
And what does this mean to me?
I don't even think I would even consider it was a gun.
Unless I saw it, I'd be like, what does he have in his back pocket?
I don't even think it would come into my brain.
If it wasn't a cop, like, are those people like criminals?
Or are they just people who have guns?
The first guys, you know, the guys I'm talking about, are they criminals?
Who knows?
I don't know.
The definition, right?
I don't ask.
They bought me a drink.
They gave me a hug.
You need to hug more people, Lee.
I think that's what it means is Lee needs to hug more people so that you have more
hugging experiences.
I have a lot of, I'm a great hugger.
That's the only thing that being chubby is good for, but.
No, I, yeah, yeah, I don't know.
I'm trying to think if I've ever, I don't think so.
Your dad didn't have a gun, huh?
No.
You always dealt in cash, so.
Oh, yeah, he, I mean, he dealt in cash, but we lived in those suburbs of the suburbs.
And we had a huge security, we had a security system in our house when I was growing up.
But, uh, yeah, guns are always tough.
We've talked about before.
No, guns were a tough one.
But, yeah, now, I mean, how can you know on?
Now I'm
I'm
Yeah
I think everyone
Have to get one now
Almost
It seems like it
You never fucking know
Unless you look like
Dr. Belize
With the little shorts
With the pink shirt
Holding some heat
And shit
I mean
Holding some heat
Are you still doing a lot of seminars
Dr. Belice
The weekend ones?
Not as much
Really?
Not as much
Because I'm traveling
And just teaching the classes
So I'm not doing
As many workshops
So when you travel
Like all right
So you're going
Where are you going
Where is the first place
So
So back to San Francisco
Okay, so what do you teach there that time?
That's where you certify people.
Certify people.
You know what?
I do workshops for Warriors.
I'm still doing workshops for.
Okay.
You're still doing it.
Because I love that class.
That class makes me happen.
And people leave them, they hit you back in the law.
Oh my gosh.
They're fantastic.
Yeah, absolutely.
So, yeah, so the Warriors classes I still do.
If a gym asks me to do a warrior's class, I do it.
Do I do any regular classes?
Not as much.
Because I just really, you know, you know, there's so many hours in a day and you have so much energy.
So I'm like, I can do a teacher's workshop, I can do a training, but that's going to be the whole trip.
You know, it's so funny how I just got a thought when I was talking to you, what your book did was really, it tightened my game.
That's what a system really is supposed to work.
It's like I tell people a thousand times when I went to Joe Namibon football camp, first thing you did when you went to Joe Namibank football camp was you sat down, you said hello to Joe, you're stretched, and you went and he timed your four feet.
40. He timed your 40. And what they did was every morning before anything, at 7.30 to 8,
they would do a running class. And he would reteach you how to run. He would reteach you how to run from
scratch, how to walk, take the paces, what's the knee, where's the back supposed to be,
where's your throat supposed to be, what are your arms supposed to be doing, doing the run. It was
very basic. And he'd make you practice it 10 times. And that was it. You wouldn't eat breakfast.
10 times on Tuesday
you want to eat breakfast
Wednesday the same
Thursday the same on Friday
he put you on the line
and he said ready to run the 40
and you ran the 40 and boom
your speed improved by fucking
unbelievable you sit there and you go
Joe you're a genius I'm just saying
one of the coaches there would do it not Joe
Neiman but all he did was
reteach you the mechanics
and that's what you did with my breathing
into your nose breathe
if shit gets hurry
take short breaths so it slows down your heart
You know, you taught me how to do something that I did for blood pressure.
I went down there, they were fucking in shock.
I was 140 over 120 or 140 over 80.
They weren't shocked.
Beautiful.
Yeah, they weren't shocked.
But that's what the breathing has done, you know.
A lot of my thing was not breathing.
Like that story I was telling you ever get caught in Dallas, like that story I was telling you ever get caught in Dallas, Lee?
No.
You ever get caught at Dallas Airport?
Oh, yeah, around and around.
You have no idea.
What happened?
Your flight's delayed
and you don't have an hour.
You know what happens.
And one day I landed
in one of those fucking tours
that I was doing with that black dude
and we had to go from like Mississippi
to Alabama or something crazy
and we had a flight.
Something happened.
We had to go through Dallas airport
and brother we had to run
for like six minutes.
I hadn't run six minutes
since 19, fucking 93.
And now I'm running
at 2003
at 400 fucking pounds
to the airport.
And I'll never forget sitting there.
I'll tell you, Dr. Belize,
for a half hour,
I really thought I was going to die in that plane
because I couldn't fit in the chair
so I couldn't breathe properly.
Yeah.
And I couldn't get up to get my lungs.
Oh, my God.
Like, I just feel this bone here now.
For 10 years, I never felt this bone.
When I lose the weight
and I felt that bone, I went to the doctor.
And I said, touch that.
I got cancer.
He goes, what are you talking about?
That's your chest bone.
I go, I've never had this before.
I have cancer.
So that's how much fat I had on my chest that I couldn't even feel.
So even with all that, my lungs were not really breathing.
That's why my skin color was horrific because there wasn't enough oxygen going into me.
If I would have done the litmus test in those days, it would have just disintegrated.
Hey, can you tell that when you read, right, when you take a good breath, you make it to the end of your sentence,
like you have longer sentences, you can go for a longer amount of time,
when you take a good breath, when you're like, inhale, exhale, inhale, and then go.
Can you tell?
It's getting better.
I think even with stand-up is the true test now that I can catch myself breathing through my nose.
I've never really seen you be out of breath on stage.
Because I've been breathing out of my nose on stage lately.
Okay.
I added that.
I'm not breathing out of my mouth no more and talking out of my mouth at the same time.
So I'm taking a short little breath.
What do you think happens when you're doing?
you're on stage and the lights hit you and your testosterone levels fucking rise and the edibles hit you
and your adrenaline rise and the edibles hit you you got fucking four winds coming together so the
only way to get yourself out of that is to breathe out of your fucking nose take short breaths
say short words and stare at them and just focus and play them for four minutes they don't know
you like you guys doing all right yeah good you know you're you know you're
See, those old Jew tricks.
There's a little Jew taught me that Lisa.
That.
Are you guys doing all right?
Yeah.
Are you guys doing it?
Great to be here tonight.
It was great getting here.
I had some paragis.
You know, you could just stick your finger up there for four minutes until you get your composure back.
I got that done, by the way.
What?
The finger up the butthole.
I know.
Which one?
With the doctor.
Yeah, with the doctor.
Oh, yeah, good.
Oh, it was not fun.
You got to get that test.
28, but that's good that he tries it now.
Yeah.
Lee, you do it now, you have to do it again until you're 40.
If your results came back negative.
No, yeah, he said it was fine, but it was just, I never experienced.
He was just, he kept telling me to relax.
And I was standing there.
Jump up for joy.
How's he going to stick a finger up your ass if you're jumping up for joy?
You got to bend over it.
The real way you got to do it is to lay down on the table.
Yeah, I was hoping for that.
And you crinkle up like this, like a little angel with your legs up.
And that's the easiest way to stick a finger.
finger up your ass they put that crazy glue
that fucking fake come and they
fucking put it on their finger he hadn't even like
the prison position and then he
he put it on he put the thing on then he on like one
movement he like lubeed it up and then put it in like
and then he fell for something right he felt for like a little
nerve or something yeah he like I think it was checking
the uh he pulls it on he takes his glove
off immediately oh and he washes
his hands quickly that way
throws that fucking glove he had me leave my phone
in his office so I couldn't get a picture
but you should have
seen the scene of the paper towels and then the crushed bottle of lube left on the counter
as I was like getting dressed.
It was like the most depressing thing.
He said, he told me to wipe myself.
It's terrible.
It's terrible.
And then you wipe your ass and there's a little bit of shit left off in that morning.
Mixed with that gel.
It's like that little mixture.
I didn't eat all day.
Like no other podcast.
I didn't eat all day because I was worried about that.
I didn't want to have shit on it.
I was like, I can't even.
It seems like when you come in somebody's ass, when it comes out a little brownish, you know what I'm saying, when it comes out 10 minutes later.
It's never happened to me.
No, no.
What's happened, Dr. Belisa?
Oh, can I just remind you?
Yes.
And just who's listening that by short, I think you mean that you breathe as slowly as possible, like fewer breaths in a minute.
so you don't pant
because if you were going
you'd get yourself
you know
like I used to years ago
before I went on stage
I could dance
so I would do a little dance
and pick my leg up
if I do that now
I have a fucking heart attack
I would have a heart attack
I would really have a heart attack
because you do a split
he probably can't
I'm about
three inches away from doing a split
I just don't go for it
because what's the use of this age
I rip that fucking muscle
It's a long recovery.
That little muscle between your legs,
especially there's one that my buddy ripped
that's only water skiers ripped,
that they actually have to go
and there's a certain muscle in the leg
that only water skiers rip.
I got to look that up.
And a friend of mine that play professional football
ripped that.
And listen to the deal with this fucking muscle.
That the percentages,
like it's a 40% chance
that you'll rip the other one
if you rip this one.
yeah so that's exactly what happened he ripped out on his rookie year did the rehab sat out
went back his second year and during drills ripped the other one and that was the end of his
career that's how quick it is so right now i try not to water skiing yeah definitely don't
i don't need to fucking do high flight you know i kicked the bag still but i don't need to do
kicks above my head no more i could just i'm just kicking to the body into the low
i want to see i would love to see a big high and i breathe and i breathe and i breathe and i
breathe and I kick and I put up.
During all those kicks and any time I hit the bag,
I'm really working on my breathing.
I'm working on ways for the breathing to help me.
Especially to take away that panic that I had when I was out of breath.
That was a horrible feeling for a long time.
Terrible.
And now I only go there maybe twice a month and it goes away real fast.
I can't go into something really fast.
I'm 54 years old.
54 years old, so I have to go into a room and do a warm-up and do push-ups and sit-ups and all the stretches possible.
And then I could do like lightweights of kettlebells, and then I increase it.
But the more warm-up I have, the better workout I'll have.
But the warm-up is all focused on the breathing.
Another guy you should talk to really is Alberto Crane, a.k.a. Galazi, aka Scott Sunnet.
they're the creators of you're going to go to the honor academy in Austin okay are you oh yeah I'm
teaching there I was like I'll go there too yeah I'm teaching there in the fall yeah that's a great
place yeah that's a great place they have a lot of place going in there but Scott at one time but they
they sell a lot of steel bats and all that that's all and they're really big into the breeding
that's why I love going to Alberto is because Alberto really incorporates it with the
so it's very interesting.
I would love to meet.
The gift you brought to the podcast listeners was phenomenal.
I got a thousand emails from people that you sent books to and they read the books
and they really enjoyed what you were doing.
You got people in seminars that showed up, you know?
I love them when they come to seminars.
What you have to offer is not a big sell.
You know, you actually know, like Lee said, you actually know when you have a problem.
when something may write
when you walk up the stairs at work
and you're fucking gas, okay?
And you ride your bicycle.
There's something not going on right.
It's something that you talk to your bicycle riding friends.
Maybe you're recuperating less time than they are.
There's so many different variables
that people know what they're doing
and if they ask around
that they all have to go back to breathing.
Wow, maybe my breathing's off.
Sorry about that.
My breathing's off, my allergies.
It's like I snorted 22 fucking G-bos to give me a bow.
Let me do some shoutouts real quick.
I know you got a boogie with Stu.
Rob-linked jerk.
Podcast highlights.
Mark Wilson.
Nerdy Derby.
Tadeo, El Cuckooey.
Trey Insurance Guy.
Robert Van Cracken.
Will Smith.
Super Hot 93.
I love you, motherfuckers, with all my heart.
Look at this.
There's an imprint of a red star.
on my piece of paper.
That's how strong that is.
Don't forget this Thursday night.
Working out with Uncle Joey.
I got six new topics I want to work out.
10 bucks, 8.30.
You're out of there by 10.
We giggle.
Leo B. there.
He's the master of ceremonies as usual.
And that's it.
Then the following week.
Oh, shit.
Vegas, South Point Casino, 7.30 show.
You're out of there by 9 o'clock.
You can go to 10 o'clock, Joe Rogan,
excuse me, and still jump up and down.
with him and Tony Hitchcliffe.
That's the type of motherfucker I is.
And I'm doing Friday and Saturday, so
don't forget about me, cock lickers.
Go ahead, Dr. Amy.
What were you saying?
He's been talking about...
What was I saying?
I'm saying, thank you for having me, is what I'm saying.
Fucking I love you all in time.
Yeah.
I think you should...
This is the funnest.
I mean, it's the funnest podcast.
Let me ask you something.
You walked in here, you came in here
with something very interesting
that we should talk about.
Okay.
Can you whip it out?
Yeah.
We'll whip it out.
Oh, that, not yet.
Get away a little while you want to see it?
No.
It's the prototype.
It's the prototype.
I'm over here asking you to show me that fucking.
You've got the regular book?
Yeah.
Which I don't know where I put it.
See, I had the people at home thought something was going to happen because I was saying to you show me that thing.
Show me that thing.
You know, like, you really want to see it.
I actually was thinking what I said?
What are I supposed to show?
This is we're working on this together in some way.
this I think is very fucking important
and you're talking from somebody who didn't do it for cocaine reasons
and for sleep apnea reasons
and I gotta tell you something
people have no idea how important it is to sleep
and dog it took me 40 years
40 fucking years I thought it was a fucking joke
I thought it was a fucking joke
I thought it was a fucking joke, Dr. Belize,
so on top of not eating good, not exercising, doing drugs,
having sleep apnea, high blood pressure,
I was doing the one that sets all that shit off,
which is sleeping.
Because if you don't sleep, you're more hungry,
you're fucking hungrier,
and then your blood pressure goes up,
and I can feel it like your brain,
I mean, it's fucking horribly.
And people have no idea,
how important it is and if you're a man and you're choking or your girlfriend's telling you you're
snoring do me a favor dog from the bottom of my heart go down and get a sleep apnea test your insurance
will cover it because they don't want to pay for the damage it's going to happen later i can't believe
kerry fisher died from that shit that means she got high went on a plane and her heart level went low
and then by not supplying oxygen she went under because it's not that
I have enough oxygen as an air.
I took a nap yesterday on JetBlue.
It's no fucking picnic.
Even with the mask.
I plugged that fucking mask in.
It's no picnic on a plane.
You're still up there.
You're still up there, dog.
And the air is thin.
You're still up there.
I woke up.
My fucking band was wet.
My head was wet.
Thank God I brought a hat in the bag
because I'm prepared.
You know what I'm saying?
But sleep apnea is no fucking joke.
I didn't know.
It fucked with women, too.
I had no idea.
I thought it was the number one killer amongst men,
but I didn't know it fucked with women, too.
So even if you're just snoring, that could be a...
That's the beginning of the...
That's the beginning.
Think about what snoring is.
It's like flesh in the inside of your body
that's not letting the air go in and out of your body.
Okay.
Yeah.
So it's obstruction.
It's not just a snore.
And can it go away when you lose weight?
Because I've heard that when I lose weight,
my snoring is not better, I guess.
It's worse.
It's less.
It's less snoring, yeah.
When you get fat, your neck gets big.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
Okay, like right now, I'm falling asleep on the couch in my house for 45 minutes.
I could fall asleep at the airport sitting there for 15 minutes.
When the plane takes off, I can fall asleep for the first 15 minutes as it's going up.
And then once it gets a 30,000 feet, this apnea will wake me up.
But I don't want to go there.
Like, you don't want to go to that apnea.
that. Once you're not choking,
that's when your brain, that's when you get a core,
because then your body releases cortisol levels.
And that's when your body goes to shit.
We discussed the hump on your back.
When I was 418, the other thing I forgot to tell you guys
was that I had a hump on my back.
Did you know that, Dr. Belize?
I didn't know.
The hump was already starting to come out.
Once the hump starts coming out,
there's no turning back.
Because when cortisol gets released,
it fucking collagulates right behind.
behind your fucking right in the cross there, right there in your lung cage, right there.
So you get that lump in your back.
That's why you see those fat guys.
First you get the lump on the neck and then you get the fucking skin in the head and the fatness.
That means it's all downhill.
It's just a matter of time before it all collapses.
And what is the way?
Because that's the one thing I look for that it freaks me out is the bruised ankle or the bruised calves, bruised legs?
Diabetes.
Diabetes.
And what did the blood just stays there?
It's definitely not circulating.
It's too much space for your little heart to circulate things around with well.
That's why at night it's very healthy to put your ass against the wall and put your feet upside down
and let that blood flow down to your heart and let your heart pump that fucking blood
and do ankle raises.
And once a week instead of dicking around that fucking volcano eating that cat food, go over here to Lancashim during happy hour
and get the 25-hour massage and tip the guy five hours.
Tom, you want the neck, leg, and foot massage,
and he'll take all the fluid out of your fucking fat, fucking calves like he does mine.
Really?
Because a lot of your stress gets rested on your shoulders
and also on that front bone in your calf.
What's that called, Dr. Amy, right there?
On your shin in the front, right?
Your shin.
A lot of times you go home and you put your legs up and your shins are tight.
Your shins ever get tight, Dr. Amy?
No.
Belisa.
Dr. Belisa.
Dr. Amie's my fucking...
Oh, she's your acupuncture.
Talking to the mic, will you?
Talk, she's your acupunctuous, right?
Sorry about that.
Yeah, you can call me.
That's fine.
Dr. Belize, does you have stress ever developed that?
Like, my legs get it.
Not on me.
I've had all kinds of other things when I was stressed out.
But this is really important.
Like, I had, you know, I've had panic attacks.
Like, I've had one or two.
Never want to have those again.
And anyway.
My shoulders get it.
You know, my shoulders get it.
And I get it there.
So you go over there.
$25.
You know what I'm talking about, right?
Yeah, like, right on, right on behind Magnolia?
Right across the street from Bank of America.
Right.
A little more.
There's a bodega.
There's a pizza joint.
They make wings.
There's a black hair coloring place.
People have black hair going there.
And next to there is a massage place.
That's legit.
No hand jobs.
It's guys and chicks working on there.
There's a chicken there that's built like fucking Bolo.
She's Chinese and she's built like Bolo.
Who's Bolo?
Bolo is the Chinese guy and then for the dragon.
Oh, okay.
And that woman will give you a fucking massage that you'll beg for her to move in with you.
She ain't no beauty queen.
But once you start squeezing your fucking back, it's tremendous.
Then they put your feet in water.
And while they're putting your feet in water, they do your shoulders, your neck, your ears.
Where is this?
Right there on Lancashim, you go down the fucking block to Magnolia.
You hook her left to Lancashim, and you hook her right on Lancashim and right on the fucking corner.
I'm going to go.
I'll tell you what it's called right now, because that's the type of motherfucker I am.
I'm going to tell you people
where to go.
You have the loyalty card in your mom?
Yes, I do.
In fact, I got a massage.
There it is. I got a free fucking massage
and I'm working on the second one.
You know why? Because I take the wife in there with me.
You think I'm fucking retarded.
Every time she complains about something,
I take her in there for the small 50
and everybody's happy.
Jeune foot massage.
Massage for the head, shoulder,
and back.
50-42, Lancasham Boulevard
opened seven days a week.
week 11 a.m. to 11 o'clock
at night. Be nice to these more people. When we go on
date sometimes on Friday nights, when we're
on on on date night. Right. We go to shorts
to dinner and then we go there. We go there
and end up the night. That's the best date ever. That's a date night
dog. You know, who do you fucking think you're dealing
just because I'm a fucking animal?
Don't mean, you know what I'm saying? And what we do is we
eat and then we relax for a little while. Then you're going
because you don't want to get no massage on your stomach when you have
food in that. Right. It makes you want to shit.
That's true. This guy rubs your shoulders
nice he rubs your feet takes all the stress out of your feet and then when you go home you follow
i'm saying everything works out in your direction what the fucking think you're dealing with least some
fucking novice here and the whole thing cost you 50 bucks 50 bucks you tip the guy the small 10
and that little chinese woman you give her 10 she thinks it's like 2200 a yearn't you're
like an assistant they have two chinese chicks and two skinny chinese guys the skinny chinese
guys look like they haven't had a meal in three fucking years but they will crack bones
in your body you haven't even heard before in your life.
They're probably not hungry afterwards.
Dog, they cracked my fucking hip one day.
I heard,
and everything was dip top my goo
when I left there.
That thing hadn't been cracked in like 22
fucking years, you understand me?
That's what it's called.
The junk foot,
foot's fucking tremendous.
When they crack my back,
I love that.
They will do things to your back.
They got a table,
and then they got a fucking,
they got the chair where they put your neck in
and they karate chop you.
Then they got the chair that you sit there
and you soak your feet
and you look at the fucking
TV screen
That's how we
Fucking do it
And
You can watch
Fucking lawn on SVU
I'm surprised
Do you have
One of the women
Help you
Or are you okay
With the guy
Massaging you
Oh man
I don't get a fuck
The guy's cool as shit
Fair enough
That's very progressive
Of you Joe
You know I don't
Delete
You think like I'm fucking around
All there
I'm not fucking
around here.
I got hit the road.
Where are you going?
I'm going back to Venice.
We'll sit for five minutes.
I'm going to wrap this up.
I'm going to give you a hug and a kiss.
You got it.
That's what I want.
You can leave me this?
Yeah.
I'll leave me this.
And this is the new reading book?
That's what you have that one, don't you?
Yes, I do.
Okay, good.
But this one, look at you.
You have that one too?
Look at you, Doctor.
I don't have any one.
That's not bad.
You got those cute little chubby Cuban feet and shit.
For me.
I'll suck on those colors and show.
I'll breathe out.
Malissimo.
I'll suck out of your toes and breathe out of my nose.
Malissimo.
There you go.
We just got the new hit single right there.
That's a new chapter in the book in the next book.
Just got out a little rigatone beat to it.
You know how we do it, people.
Anyway, I'm happy you came in, Dr.
But it's always a pleasure.
You know, I love you.
Don't forget to take the on it products.
Yes.
That's why we get sponsored by Onic.
Hopefully you really enjoy.
We gave us some Alpha Brain.
We gave us some Shroom Tech Sport.
And we gave her the hemp.
force protein.
That's the shit I fucking live off.
I love it.
Thank you.
So just remember, if you want to get turned down to honor,
go to honor.com slash church.
Boom, we get 10% off,
deliver it to your house.
Number two, listen, we all want to eat better,
but when it comes to snacks,
we feel like the whole world is delicious
and a billion calorie versus boring and tasteless.
I don't blame you.
I do the same thing.
Once 11 o'clock comes, I'm starving.
But let me include something to you.
NatureBox has over 100 snacks that tastes good,
and are actually better for you.
All snacks are made,
my quality,
simple ingredients,
which means no artificial colors,
flavors, or sweetness,
so you can feel good
about what you're eating.
My favorites are the chocolate nom-noms,
the cheddar and hatch chili crackers,
the salt and vinegar veggie chips,
the white cheddar caramel or popcorn.
The list goes on and on and on.
You're sure to find your new snack obsession
at Nature Box.
They add new snacks,
every month inspired by real customer feedback, the latest food trends, and professional chefs.
It's that simple.
So just go to naturebox.com, choose the snacks you want, and NatureBox will deliver them right
to your door.
And there's no risk.
If you ever try a snack you don't like, don't eat it.
NatureBox will replace it for free.
This is what I'm going to do.
Right now, I'm going to save you some d'ORE meat.
NatureBox is offering my family, the church.
Three free snacks with your first order when you go to NatureBox.
dot com slash joey listen i love smoking weed too you know what i'm saying and nature box has always
been there for me give it a shot columbus did naturebox.com slash joey for three free snacks with
your first order again naturebox.com slash joey number two talking about food this is what i do for you
this is why i set them up with the food dr belies listen everybody want everybody's in a rush
everybody wants to eat good that's what blue apron comes in it's affordable
For less than $10 per meal, Blue Apron will deliver seasonal recipes along with proportioning ingredients to make delicious home-cooked meals.
You choose from a variety of new recipes each week.
All right.
And or let Blue Apron's culinary team surprise you like they did Lysayat.
Lysayat was having a piss.
He was jumping up and down.
He was getting meals.
Recipes are not repeated within a year, so you'll never get bored.
Customize your recipes each week based on your preferences.
Blue Apron has several delivery options
so you can choose what fits your needs
and there's no weekly commitment
so you only get the deliveries when you want them.
Each meal comes with a step by step,
easy to follow recipe card
and pre-portioned ingredients
and can be prepared within 40 minutes or less
so it's cooking, you're showing, bam, bam, bam.
Blue Aprons freshest guarantee promises
that every single ingredient
and your delivery arrives ready to cook
or they'll make it right.
Am I rightly? They hooked you up to them.
One of the best things about Blue Apron is their customer service.
It's barn on probably the best of any company that I've ever dealt with.
And just on a quick note, my dad personally loves Blue Apron so much.
He's upping it to the family plan, even though he's just him.
He loves it so much.
He's getting it for every day of the week.
That's how we roll here.
Check out this week's menu and get your first meals for free.
All right?
Let me tell you what we got.
Salontreau with lime rice.
Potato
catfish.
Potato-custed cats.
Fat fish with garlic chive, red hole, red white and blue pizza.
Can you imagine learning how to make a red, white, and blue pizza?
I don't know how to make that stuff.
Blue Apron will teach you.
All right, let me explain what we're going to do.
Check out this week's menu and get three meals for free with free shipping by going to
blue apron.com slash Joey.
You'll love how it feels and taste into creating incredible home-cooked meals with Blue Apron.
So don't wait.
Do yourself a favor.
Go to Blue Apron.com slash Joey right now.
Again, three meals for free with free shipping.
Come on, where are you going to get that deal?
Try out blue apron.com slash Joey right now.
Blue Apron, a better way to cook.
I want to thank Dr. Belize for coming in.
And don't forget to get her book, Breathe.
And the next one I can't tell you about it, but breathe is important.
All right, breathe is very important for you.
That's the book that will get you started.
If you have questions, where can they email you, Dr. Belisa?
At the Breathing class.
This is what she does.
This is what she fucking does.
Belize from my system.
Give it a try, Columbus,
did it all right.
I love you, Dr. Belize.
I love you, back.
Don't forget this Thursday night,
the ice house, cocksuckers,
working out with Uncle Joey.
Kick that, Mulee.
Have a great week.
Don't you worry.
When's your door?
It's a choice,
my friend,
tied.
