The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #498 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: July 12, 2017

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio talking about why Joey is sick of fear; and how he has learned to combat it in his life.  Joey also speaks about a book he was given, "The Art of War for Writers"  by James Scott Bell.  The Art of War for Writers - http://amzn.to/2td9niv This podcast is brought to you by:  Lyft - Sign up to drive at Lyft.com/joey and find out how you qualify to get a $500 new driver bonus.    ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 07/11/2017.  

Yo, welcome to PodcastVille. The church of what's happening now is brought to you by, number one, zip recruiter. Are you hiring? Do you know where to post a job to find the best candidates? You know how hard it is to find great talent out there and how important it is for your business to get somebody who's reliable, good, smart? That's why we have ZipRecruiter. Find out today why ZipRecruiter has been used by businesses of all sizes to find the most

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The church of what's happened now. Here you go. Old school. I was telling Lee, this song is fucking 40 years old. Kick it, Lee. I need the fucking speakers to blow my... Look at this fucking fat volume. Give it to me, coxuckers.

Oh shit. Your little hot black chicks in the background. That's all they say. Give me love. Give me all that you got. Are you fucking nuts? The church of what's happening. Now, here we go.

Give me love, cocksuckers. How you doing your host, Joey Diaz? My main man in the co-host chair. The one and only, the ultimate. the flying Jew of death, Mr. Lee Syatt. We learned something very important today, Joey. No, we learned something this week. Never to put a guest on here that can't handle an edible

because now we're put in a bad position. I didn't book all the guests. A lot of people out of town, but we don't give a fuck people. This is one of those podcasts. We're going to chit-chat about a few things that have been on my mind lately. That's basically it. I got to go to St. Louis on Thursday. I'll be at the fucking helium over there.

I haven't meant to St. Louis in two years, so I'm excited. man. What do you get? What do you do in St. Louis? Like, is there a barbecue in St. Louis? I have no fucking idea. I want to write jokes, lift some weights, and do five fucking shows, and I'm back on a goddamn plane. I keep it nice and easy. I do the same shit in every town. You know me, Doug.

Nice and easy, no drama. My agent Gordon Warnock is a great fucking guy. I've been talking with him for three years. We still have made a dollar together. And, you know, he's been trying to talk me to write a book for the last three years.

And I've started fucking six times. And because of my writing insecurities and the whole thing, you know, it's taken years. And in a way, I wanted it this way. I really wanted to think this out and make notes instead of just rushing it like a fucking... And give you guys the wrong facts and whatnot. But the bottom line is, last month, I was doing really well on this page, LitLift. What I basically did was an idea a friend gave me that he said, just write a sentence every day. start with that. That's what I did. Every day I would go back, write a sentence. Then I got to the point where I couldn't wait to go to it. And I would write a few sentences a day and clean up. And I'd put together about two and a half chapters. And last day, last month, one day, I go to just write in there and the website is down. And this went on for about three or four days. And my wife, you know, she's a fucking private investigator. She went online and went to fucking chit-chat fucking rooms. And everybody was pissed. That little if went out of business. Something happened.

little bit, but they took my book. So now I've got to start from scratch. So to put myself in a position where I had to do this, I'm hiring somebody from the month of 8 August. And pretty basically, I only have San Francisco and Ontario in the month of August, so that's one week I have to be on a plane. And for three week and a half weeks, we're just going to write this fucking,

the three or four chapters to get in advance and to see what we have to do. You know, it's a good learning experience of both of us. He's from NYU. you. But the bottom line was that throughout this whole three years, the thing that's driven me not to even send them this stuff is fear. You know, I'm sick and tired of dealing with fear. And I dealt with it for fucking 30 years. And then I started doing little things about it. Just little little things. But anyway, to get back to this book, Gordon sent me a book. I always get

little emails from people and they send it to the web page. And you know what, man, I know a lot of you guys are aspiring writers. We'll just talk with writers this week. But this applies for everything. He sent me a book called The Art of War for Writers. Okay? Now, I've read half of it already. But there was something I read in the inter-fuck induction

that I had to write down on a piece of paper because it fucked up me so much. And let me tell you what this is. You know, he breaks the book into chapters so the art at war is for writers, My modest attempt has a field manual for all writing wretches because I know how hard it is out there. Following Sun Tzu's example, I'll keep the subject compact, subsued under three main areas. Reconnaissance, he wrote this.

The section is primarily about the mental game of writing because what happens in your head affects everything else. Dick Simon of Simon and Schuster fame once said, all writers, without exception, are scared to death. Some simply hide it better than others. that's the story of my life. You know, I've just hidden my fears, and I've gotten away with it. And I know a lot of you guys, whenever we talk about the subject fear, I get a lot of emails three, four days later,

that now they understood what was going on with them, and we haven't touched on in a while. I told Lee, I go, Lee, you know what, man, I've been getting more and more emails from writers, and, you know, we haven't spoken about fear lately because that little statement that a publishing company, A guy, Simon Schuster, whatever the fuck they are, would say, you know, all exception, without exception, have some type of fear. What do you think, is there a difference between fear and doubt, like doubt in yourself?

They're cousins. Yeah, it's fucked up. They're fucking cousins, and they come at you from two directions. You follow me? Yeah, it's different. So, once fear is baddened up, but then once he calls his cousin doubt into the fucking picture, that's when you really have a problem and that's with everything

that's to do anything that's when I first started stand-up that's when I went to Alberto Crane school and drove out to the front and drove home the first two times that's just fear that's just something that you know and it's like it goes back

to what we were talking about a few months ago this could ruin your life yeah it could ruin your fucking life and I let it ruin my life in many aspects but I don't give a fuck if my life is ruined in those aspects you know what I'm saying like I'm the type of guy that I won't go for a 4 o'clock audition on the west side because I'm scared of traffic I've done that traffic and I got to tell you something that ain't that fucking bad it's worse in my head

I always call you and go I'm in the fucking car doing 90 I'm 4.05 and all of a sudden I'm like I'm not gonna get home till 7 and all of a sudden I'm pulling up at 530 I'm going how the fuck did that happen it's worse in my head and that's what we let fear do it's something that it gets worse in your head And then while you're doing it, you're like, this wasn't so fucking bad. What was all that bullshit about? What was all that bullshit about? It's like when I go get a needle. For years, it was this fucking three days of drama following for a 10-second needle.

That's what all this fear was into. Yeah. You know, sometimes when we have fear, it stops us from growing. It stopped me for fucking 40 years. stop me, I was scared to know if I could do it or not. And that's a horrible thing to live with. Whether I could do something or not, sure I could do it. But guess what?

If I can't, I'm going to give it an all New York try. And I go back to this topic, and I know you people like Joey, we don't want to hear this. I go back to Jiu-Jitsu and this fear I had, a Jiu-Jitsu and being on my back. What I did, there was like two months ago in May, I think, there was a week. after going to Alberta Cranes for a year and a half that I didn't go because of fear. Really? Yeah, because I was jumping rope or something

and I didn't feel good and I'm like, I can't breathe, I'm not going to go. I didn't go all fucking week one time. After going there for you, that's how much fear affects my fucking life. You know, with the comedy store, I'm not scared to go to the comedy store. I'd just like to keep it to a minimum

because I lived there at one point. I don't want it to get like that again. But you still get it. A little, I don't know what the word would be, but you still get anxious or whatever excited for your stand-up. Sure, sure, absolutely. But like Jiu-Jitsu, for the longest time, I had this fear. So what did I do last month? I got a group on.

I heard about this teacher. I heard about this school. And before I joined Alberto's, I had heard about this guy. And I heard about how clean his school was, how he ran the school. There's no timer in the school for competitions. He doesn't really like competitive. he believes in old school jiu-jitsu the basics and that's it so i went on group on you know me i found the group on 29 bucks for the first month and i went down there just to try it out and last month

because of that week i punished myself i forced myself to go to jih Tzu as much as i could and i went 14 times last month what do you normally go eight oh jesus okay i went 14 times last month this time so far this month i'm at six and it's only the tent. And I got all one next week off so I could go four times. I found a new way to train. I go to Alberto's and I go to the other place. The other place is a little slow.

It's a lot more drilling. There's only 10 minutes of sparring at the end. But they work on a lot more technique. I go there now. Because of that week I missed in the fear, I punished myself. I punish myself. That's the type of dude I am. I punish myself.

But I force myself to go to eliminate the fear. Eliminate the fear. Eliminate the sphere. After a year and a half, I'm still fucking scared. And it was like acupuncture. For the first two years, I went, but I was petrified. The whole drive up there on a Tuesday, I'd be fucking petrified. And I'd forget that I had to go, and I eat an edible.

And that would really send me into fucking Mars once I went up there. So do you think with, like, the jiu-jitsu aspect of it, were you trying to find almost like the root of your, like, basest fear? Yes. You could have gone and gone to a writing class but you were like,

okay, I really don't like being on my back that will, did you think it would help everything else? I thought it would help me in every other aspect of my life. Just to eliminate

that little, little fear that I had will lighten my aspect a little bit. It will give me more illumination and all the other aspects of my life. My relationship, my friendships, what I do for a career,

or how I am as a parent. Does it just give you confidence like overcoming a fear? Is it like... Absolutely. Yeah. Listen, fear is not being prepared. Once you feel prepared,

you won't have any more fear. It's so weird. You think that's the root of all fear? All right. Let me tell you something. I got a, I really don't like auditioning the last four or five years.

Okay. I really don't like it no more. You know why? Because I can't see. I can't see, guys. That reason? Yeah, I can't see. But that means when you go into an audition,

you've got to either have glasses on or know the lines by heart. I mean backwards and frontwards. Which isn't always possible. Which isn't always possible. But after I've lost so many roles from not knowing the lines and going in there with glasses, that I don't really like auditioning anymore. It's not my strong fit anymore. because at some point I got to look at glasses.

I always bring the paper in to keep me focused. Okay. So I always keep it right in front of me to keep me focused. So if I do get in trouble, I could take a look on the slide. The last couple months I haven't really been. I got an audition two weeks ago. It was for this TV show. I put it on tape around the corner.

When they tell you to put a, when you have an audition, you go to the studio, you sign your name, you go in. There's a casting director. an assistant in the room, sometimes a director, you go in, you read, if they want a callback, now that means you're going in for the second time or the third time. The more times you go in, the more people are in that room. So the second time you might go in is for the director, and they might like you.

Now the third time, you have to go in for the producers. The director will be in the room in the old days late. Like, okay, we use the Sopranos, for example. Okay. When I went in for the Sopranos, I went in for the initial audition. Bam, did well in it. Once I went in the room with the 15 people, I fell apart. This is also 19, this is also 2000.

I wasn't young as a human being, but I was young as an actor. I didn't really have all my acting chops then. I was okay. I could book stuff. I had booked Spider-Man 2. I had booked a bunch of different jobs. jobs at that point. But this was, when I walked into that

Silver Cup studios in New York and I saw all these people in the room, David Chase and all these motherfuckers in the room, my hand started trembling with the sides in my hand. And I could have probably got that role. But because they saw that fear, what are they going to do when they put cameras on?

And it's a $200,000 a day and I'm doing that for fucking an hour. Trembling or not remembering my lines. That's, I was a great character then. I was great. I didn't. I wasn't confident. And that confidence gave me fear, and that fear didn't get me the role in the audition. So going back to what you just said, what about that audition where you're not prepared for?

Was it just that you had just started acting? What do you mean? You said fear means you don't feel prepared. Right. You're not prepared. That's why you have a little fear. If you have confidence, you walk in there like you have the biggest dick of the room. So what made you feel like you weren't prepared for the subpranist? At that time, it wasn't that I wasn't prepared.

It was a little bit of unprepiration. I was still living in doubt about who the fuck I was. These people, if they find out I went to prison, they're not going to like me. Right. You know, I think I'm a fucking kidnapper or whatever. There's some people who look at life like that and there's nothing you could do. I just had all these little fears that are all built up into one. And when I went in that room, I couldn't cover the spread.

That's it. And I'm mad enough to admit it. But after that, I didn't really shake at auditions no more. Even when I met with finalized that. By the time I wanted to analyze that, my fears had been tackled. That what happened in that soprano room was not going to happen again. So for years, I went in for all these roles, whether I had them or not. But it's like I told my agent here today, my job, since I moved to this town,

is not to book the row, is to disrupt the auditioning process. Okay? What I mean by that is we were thinking about lease I had for this. And if he didn't work out for this, we were thinking of Alberto Crane. But some fucking chubby kid from Jersey. Jersey came and Joey Diaz and knocked all our thoughts fucking aloof. Because now, and nine of the ten, I wouldn't even get the fucking role, but it didn't matter. I had fucked up the casting process because when you write a role, you already have somebody in mind for that role as you're writing it.

You see somebody. And then when you go in the casting thing in the casting world, you have to see three-sumbodies. Just in case? So now you're like, okay, he's coming in. he's coming in depending on the reed, but now they see a fat little comedian that's coming in for a drama show, and he's right there with the two guys.

That was always what I was going for, to disrupt the process, so they could put my head shot up and go, what are we going to do with this fat fuck? What the fuck I'm going to do with this fat fuck? And I got really good at that for a while. So would they give you, I mean, I know you've said it a couple times.

Sometimes I got the role, sometimes I didn't. But would they give you, like you just said, would they give you a different role, maybe? Sometimes, sometimes smaller, But now you're in mind. Okay. You're in mind while they're shooting. You're in that mind.

You created a doubt with them. Did we do the right move by not hiring your ideas? Oh. That's a disruption. That's a disruption. You know, you gave it everything you got. You went into three reads. You were right there with everybody else, but there's different things to acting.

Maybe you didn't have enough Twitter followers, which is very important today. Yeah. Oh, my, that's crazy. Maybe you didn't have an agency that, fought for you. Maybe you didn't have a manager that fought for you and called them up and let them know who you're with and what do you do and you know there's so many variables. So I'm not I'm never mad about those auditions that the whole moral of this is fear. Now Saturday when I was in Vegas I you know I woke up and I went for breakfast and I don't smoke a joint and then I went

for a little walk and I came upstairs and I didn't know it was a thousand fucking degrees. And I go upstairs and I got a show at 730. You know what? man I'm gonna work out before I work out I'm gonna take a fucking nap and I tried the nap but I could I was charging the phone in the living room and I could hear the phone buzzing uh and I heard it like four times in their own I go who the fuck is trying to get a hold of me and there was my agent on this Saturday and I go what the fuck does he want he was like I'm Hawaii or something and he goes hey man you're going in to read tomorrow they want to they want you to call go for a call back he goes do you really want to go in for a Sunday and I go fuck you

for that thing I read that TV show. So I was thinking about how I would have reacted 10 years ago, maybe 15 years ago to today. I looked at the sheet and the director was Ben Stiller, and that's what I was meeting with. Oh, shit. So I was like, fuck, I go, me with Ben Stiller. Now, let me tell you something.

You have no idea how that could work. What do you mean? And what aspect? You might go in there and he's a nice guy, so he relaxes you as a director. You don't get caught up because it's Ben Stiller. and you lay the read down. You might also go in there.

He might be a dick. You might get caught up with it and fail. You know, that's what I used to do 15 years ago. Yeah, even before you, when you just go through every scenario? When I broke the audition down, it was two scenes. But the thing I put in the top was Ben Stiller of the page because I didn't want it to be a shock when I walked in the room. And it really wasn't a shock.

When I walked in, he was sitting there reading some fucking paper with some chick-up. and two bicycles in the room. And he goes, I'll be right with you. He came out. He shook my hand with the other dudes. And he went in. And then some chick came out and brought me in there. And when I walked in, I could feel the anxiety level,

getting ready to rise, but I wouldn't let it. I was like, this ain't shit. I'm just going to read for this guy. That fear was ready to start coming up. And I just put it in this fucking place. But I put it in this place because of the confidence. I didn't put it in this place because I'm a fucking tough guy

I put the fear in its place because I was confident when I went in there from the time I got off that plane I read those sides I printed those sides in Vegas and I fucking yellowed them out and everything

so Saturday night I went back after the comedy show and I read those things for now over and over and over and over and over I read them without my glasses over and over and over and over on the plane over and over and over and over I got home, I took a nap, I got up, and I just focused on that.

So when I walked in the room, I knew those lines backwards and frontwards, with or without glasses. Oh, shit, okay. And there was one scene where I even wore glasses just to prove my point. Like, if you're in this situation, you're an old-time guy, nine out of ten, you got glasses. So I even put the glasses on in that scene. And he was like, that was pretty good in the audition. Oh, cool. So in the audition, I read it with glasses one time and without glass.

just to let them know I knew the lines. What do you, how did you put the fear in, like, when you said you put the fear in its place, do you have, like, a thought that you go through? Do you do anything, or is it just, like, a reaction now? It's a reaction. It's breathing. It's a little bit of breathing. Okay.

Breathing through your nose real quick, keeping your shoulders up. Basically, it was the mental part of it. I knew the material. Gotcha. And I didn't let him throw me off. You know, I told the story on here once that when I got Grudge Match, I went on the set, and it was the first time Al-O-Couge was working with De Niro. And the first two or three scenes, the scenes were nothing.

They had to get cut because Al-O-Coo-J got caught up with De Niro. You look at De Niro, and you look at his eyes, and you're seeing Al-Capone, you're seeing Henry Hill, you're seeing whatever, Jim. me, Burke, you're seeing fucking deer hunter, you're seeing Godfather, too. It's really weird, and all those images go to your head and just shut you the fuck out, because I did.

The first time you see someone like a really big, yeah. And especially if you have to do lines with them. Like, you have to do scenes with them in a movie or something, the first scene's always a throwaway because you get caught up. Even Spider-Man, too, with that dude. When I saw him, all I kept thinking about was boogie nights. Doc Doc.

Right. All I kept thinking about was boogie nights. I mean, that Chinese dude. And I could feel it overpowering me. In the first two takes, I couldn't even say a fucking word. They might not even have that time. But, like, you know, how you do, like, the pre-churched periscope with the guests and you talk with the guests to calm them down.

I was surprised after 50 years or six, however many years of making hundreds of movies, directors don't do that for, like, their star actors and just have, like, a, I get together with everyone they're going to have to talk with. They do. Okay. For a couple minutes, they give you three minutes. Yeah, three minutes. And they tell you what they expect from you for this film and blah, blah, blah.

But if they did what I do, take them, you know, when I do that to people, that whole thing, listen, you're my brother. I don't ever want you to do anything for me. When we're on the road, I don't say get me water or get me a type. I get it myself. There's one thing I do ask you to do for me. And that's always go get the guest. All that is psychological. I go get the guest myself.

I do all that as a psychological way. Because you slow them down. Oh, okay. I didn't know that. Yeah, you slow them down. So if I was to walk out there, they'd start with the cock suckers. And you slow them down.

When they walk up the stairs, they talk to you, and it's pretty funny. The last couple times, without even people thinking, I've noticed you tell people sit out. Sit right there. It's funny. That's the whole system. That's part of the whole breakdown to slow them down. Oh, okay. Okay.

I didn't know what's no thought of out. No, I could go out there and get you. Right. I don't. I make them slow you down. They're thinking they're going to see me. They see you. Slows them down.

You walk up the stairs. You come into the back. here, you always tell them, have a seat, we give them a water, that's all the process. Whatever they were thinking, they're not thinking it no more. Oh. Okay, it's like when, it's like when me and you would get into an argument. Okay. About numbers or a drug deal that you're not supposed to be doing.

And I go to Costalano's house, not Costalano, the other guy, the Gambino. Okay. Gambino had a wife that looked like a grandma, so he would always make her answer the door. because no matter how mad I was, she'd take the air out of your sails. And then she'd ask you in and sit you on the couch and offer you coffee. You never saw Carlo. You never saw Carlo until she told you to go into his office. Oh.

That was done for a reason. Carlo Gambino did that for a reason. He made her answer the door for a reason to slow people down, sit them down, offer them coffee. And whatever they're in a rush to tell you, What's up, Lee? What's on your mind? That fucking cock sucking you stole my fuck. You're not going to say that, no.

She just took all the energy out of you. It's amazing how much thought gets put into this. And, like, it doesn't, like for me, I'm just like, oh, yeah, someone answered the door. It's all the game. It's like when you go get a fucking condominium, one of those time travels. What do you call them? Time shares. Yeah.

They have different teams of people talking to you. That's the confuse the buyer. you know, when you go buy a car, like when you went to a regular place, like Boulder Toyota, you dealt with one salesman, and a finance guy. When you were to a place like Douglas Toyota

in the old days, you dealt with six motherfuckers and nobody took responsibility for nothing. Okay? Interested anything to get to the sale? Anything. And when you come back there and say, well, Lee said I'd get new tires. Lee don't even working no more.

You know, it's, it's, It's all You know, in the old days If you went to the dentist Okay The dentist did an x-ray Looked at your teeth Told you what you needed

And then He fucking talked to you And told you how much It was gonna cost you No more Call to the dentist now You got an x-ray He looks at your teeth

He walks out Some little Filipino chick Comes in with a fucking piece of paper Sit down next thing And says okay This needs to be done We need this this, this, this, this.

You got to come up with $1,000. The dentist could tell you that. Why do you think she tells you that? So you don't get mad at the dentist, I guess? It's just a bunch of reasons. But that just started about 15 years ago. The dentist was never like that. They took a page of a salesmanship.

That's creepy. I never experienced that until I moved out here. Yeah, out here is very big. They took me out of the chair. They take you out of the chair, sit you down, and then the dentist is nowhere to be found, and some fucking chick-talks to you. all tactics.

Those are all sales tactics. I hated that. It's fucking crazy. It's crazy until you see them. You don't, when you find out the real heart of sales, now you understand 90% of the world and how it works. You understand when you see a trailer for a film. Right.

And you see what they're trying to sell you and how they're trying to sell it to you. When you see a commercial, whenever you see things, when you see a fight for the UFC, see like what happened today you see how they're going to sell it to you only idiots are falling for this fucking thing really it's going to be $99 to get in high definition pay-per-view I thought it was going to be more

if you support this you're a fucking moron I don't want to see the press conferences I don't want to see nothing no not even a little bit another thing nothing there is no part of this sales joke that I'm getting from these people

there is nothing thing that impresses me from this and I see it coming down the pipe. I'm working that weekend. It doesn't fucking matter. Tell me I'm not canceling. People have asked me if I could host a party, not at all. And I guess because if you don't, if you watch any

part of it, then you're buying into it. So you kind of have to just say no. Just say no. I kind of want to see who wins, though. You'll find down an hour. That's true. And you'll save a hundred bucks and you won't be part of the fucking general population. which is the most important thing.

Why? Why is that so important? Because you don't want to fall in that gap ever. It's so funny when I used to work for Curtis Sloat. Part of his pitch was, you know, Curtis in those days got his information. When I worked for a sports service, Curtis got his information, you know, from different people, and he had different scouts and whatnot. But one of the biggest points of information, was what we'd give them at 4 o'clock.

We'd give them our call sheets. And he'd look at what every sucker bought into. And then you learn how people buy into stuff and why they buy into it. The end of the Colorado Sports Advisors' speech in those days when I worked there was, okay, Lee, you don't want to fucking work with me? Don't work with me.

Who are you betting tonight, fucko? And you go, I got the fucking Knicks and I got the Nets. The smart thing is for me to call you up and go, hey, no, no, not even call you up when I have you there. I'll go, listen, one of your moves is opposite mine, and I'm definitely coming in. I got a five-star. We'll talk tomorrow and I'll hang up. My moves weren't opposite yours.

I don't even know what you, you know what I am. And one of them is going to lose. I'm creating a doubt, sure. If you're like the general population, you're going to lose one of them. Yeah, at least. Oh, God. So that's what I'm saying to you. The GP always loses.

why would you want to be a part of that? That's how they make their money by the thought of the GP in what they think. You know, you bet New England for the Super Bowl over Atlanta not because you're a fucking genius but because you're a fan.

You didn't bet them because you looked at stats and all this shit and you said Atlanta's in the defense no. You know, you bet them because you're a fan. It's the people who bet Atlanta for the fuzz. It's the sizz they always tell you in marketing

to sell the sizzle not the steak so does that mean like the most exciting aspect of it? What's a special tonight Joey? I got a nice 12-ounce New York cut I make it with mashed potatoes fresh mashed potatoes with butter

and I'll give you a house salad for 1595 God, okay what if I said let me tell you something Lee I got these steaks that just came in from Omaha the fucking cow was an Olympic runner Okay. Okay, number two, I just had one of those steaksley. And when I came off the fucking thing with some mushrooms and some onions, you could smell the seasonings and the fucking meat. That meat with some mashed potatoes, home whipped with butter. And I put a little red onion in there to really sizzling. I got these tomatoes I got. Do you understand the salesmanship of that?

Right, yeah. I'm building value and everything along the way. Okay. You know, when you get in a car with a good car sale, don't even sell you the rearview mirror. Look at that rear view mirror. Look at that. It's sturdy.

You ever push your mirror and it falls off? Yeah, yeah, this is sturdy. Feel this. I can fucking put a gorilla on that. You know what I'm saying? When we give you a mirror, we don't charge you $15. It's a $50 mirror, but that mirror is never going to break. You sell that.

Look at that ashtray. Look at that fucking ashtray. It's beautiful. You could fit 2,000 pennies in there or 55 joints. They put value on everything. Okay, gotcha. That's a salesman along the way. So how do you take that and put that into your writing or you're acting?

Do you take those lessons that you learn? Always. Like, if I'm talking to a potential sponsor or something, I always dope it up a little bit. It's not like me sending you an email, like some dope to another dope. you got to dope it up a couple different type of words in there when we you know we talked yesterday no when we spoke yesterday briefly

you know those type of words give them a different the type of person that you are even though they'll fucking puke and I got felonies and all that shit it just makes them feel you know all those little words not when you're describing I went to this restaurant it was amazing

no no no no I'm talking about from the sales aspect of it Right, you always say like the $10,000, $10,000 project with a $10 presentation. Yeah, how are you going to sell a $10,000 project with a pair of $10 shoes? Right, okay. You know what I'm saying? It's, uh, because the doubt thing is my, is the toughest part for me, I think. I don't think, for me, and the other book, The War of Art talks about, uh, getting in your own way, interference.

Well, there's resistance. Resistance, yeah. And there's doubt. Yeah. And they're cousins, too. Doubt's the worst one, I think Doubt's the worst one Mixer at resistance

I mean everybody who listens to this podcast I say 50% of the people struggling to find who the fuck they are And part of the reason Why they never found out who they are Is because they don't let themselves Find out who they are It's that doubt

That they'll find out the truth Same shit I did for 30 years When I was snort and coke I didn't want to know What I could become I didn't want to know Even though the fucking reports And the prison

So I could do something with my life I didn't want it. I was scared shitless. What if I do do something with my life? Then what? Then I got a... You know what I'm saying? I had to give up my little party.

And I finally gave it my little party. And now I could look at myself in the mirror and I got a little bit more confidence. And, you know, it all goes hand in hand. It all goes hand in handly. So doubt, resistance, you know, it's levels. It goes from doubt to...

Should I do this? No, I'm not going to fucking write it right anyway. It goes from resistance to doubt. I'm sorry. We were talking, and it's an overused topic on all podcasts now, like how people are mean online. And the thing that got me over it, and the thing that is really the worst part about doubt for me,

is I'm meaner to myself in my head than anyone could ever be over email. Me too. Like, it's terrible. Me too. And I've been mean, you know, when I have doubt, I look at the doubt, I look at the reason, and if the reason's good enough, I let doubt win. But so many times, doubt has been so fucking wrong in my life that I don't let it affect me no more. See, like looking back, and even now, like if someone asks you for advice or me for advice,

I can see them looking at things the wrong way, like their brain's just getting ahead of them. I have an issue with myself. I don't think I see that in myself. I'm like, oh, my brain, it just goes and I let it go. And I don't see, I can't see it from the outsider's perspective. In which way? And, oh, well, no, that person's not mad at you or this idea is fine or you're doing good there. Or like, whatever it may be, how everyone talks themselves into, like, hating themselves

or thinking that the, whatever it is, when you can see that in other people, I can't see that. that I can't talk myself out of it. I can't look at the reasons to be like, oh, no, doubt's being stupid there. You've put in the work or you did this and that. I just always assume the worst. The mental decision is the toughest decision to make because that's the one that's when I control everything.

Okay. I don't know what switch I hit when I stopped doing blow. But the mental condition, once you don't allow it, whether I stop smoking cigarettes or stop doing blow or stop drinking diet soda or everything I let go, through the years Doubt always said It's not gonna work out for you

Right yeah You know doubt that you can think of your life Without fucking diet coke Come on how you're gonna eat a fucking hamburger You know when it was cigarettes Is how are you gonna smoke a joint Not chasing with a cigarette When it was cocaine

Is how are you gonna have a good time You know it was all these things in my life That brought up to doubt You know doubt Always is lost in my world Today I have doubts all the time And the more the doubt The more I have to do it

it. The stronger the doubt, the more I have to do it. You push yourself to do it? Push yourself to do it because that means if you push that doubt, something good's going to happen. You think so? I know so. I know so for a fact. I know so for a fact. You have to think about things. Like when you go with anything, it's doing it the smart way. And to learn to do something the smart way, you have to do it the wrong way for a while. And that's what people never realize that to do something the right way, you have to do it the wrong way for a while.

And then one day, if you're fucking... It might take six months, it might take six days, it might take six years. You, as a human being, like myself, would say, this isn't working. This isn't working. It doesn't take a genius to know that this isn't.

working. Right. I'm happy I caught this in the sixth day, you know, and let's use it for a, I could use it for a common example. I could use it for the podcast. We started in the morning for a while, and then it just wasn't working. It wasn't working for my health. Right. It was four or five days a week. I had to get up at five, four and go to bed at two. It just wasn't working. So we made a constant decision when, for a year, For 14 months, I went to Alberto Crane Jiu-Jitsu, and I went with the writing tensions, but I went for the wrong reasons. I was doing stuff that was wrong. Why were you going? I was going just to breathe, and by breathing and laying on somebody, I wasn't doing anything for myself.

I got involved. I started doing the droll classes. I started doing the tech-fit classes, and I thought about something. and I thought of it just like comedy and it's like no good deed done goes on whatever punish you. You know, when you do something good for yourself something good is always going to come from it.

Oh, okay. Now or in six years you're going to see something. I read something and it said I was training dumb. I read something online and as I was reading and I go I'm doing it wrong.

I'm fucking up. And I switched it around and it worked out. You know, and let's look. talk about the workout. Okay. Because I added stretching. I added icebags. I added CBD all to my training.

I added a lot of stretching to my training. And I added, like today I rolled twice. I could have rolled three times. I rolled twice. I took a breather in between because that one roll, it's the law diminishing returns. I want to come back tomorrow. Right. Okay. So now instead of working on three days a week doing Jiu-Jitsu and struggling, being sore, walking around, I go four times. like nothing happened

I do the same routine I come home I put an ice pack on my back while I'm writing down the moves I learned the ice pack is on there 20, 25 minutes I go through my computer my notes who email me

who I send you stuff print this for me brother I put that down I eat I take a shower I wash all that shit off me then I eat it's a process then that bag is freezing

now I go do two or three more errands I come back at four and I put ice bags on my knees, both of those. So now the next day, I'm more refreshed. I started doing a little more and cutting back a little on some areas, and now I get to get more pleasure out of it, and I get to improve more because I'm going more. Very interesting. Instead of sitting there and going and rolling four times with four guerrillas

and then going home and while I'm eating, my fucking body's shaking, fuck no. That don't happen no more. Now I go, ba-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-bing. I'm ready to go because I have a different effect to it. That's what happens after a while. It took me 14 months. I'm sorry.

I'm not a fucking working-out guru. I don't know about this stuff, but I read. You have to fucking read. In some ways, you can be very set in your ways. Anyone can. But I was thinking about that, but thinking about it, you do try a lot of stuff. You have to. Because for years, I wouldn't try a lot of things.

And I would go, no, because of self stupidity or self whatever, I wouldn't try anything. Wouldn't try anything. And now there's not a day go by that I don't try something. I'm 54. I threw half of my life away. I do this podcast for various reasons, but one of them is for the young listeners not to do the same mistakes I did. Yeah, I go to yoga. Yeah, I'll go to a fucking ballet class

If it means I'll recover more And I'll get something out of it You have to try shit Right Well, and obviously you don't want people to go Like to be a criminal or like to do that But you just said You don't know how to do something the right way

Until you've done it the wrong way Yes So don't people need to make some of these mistakes? Absolutely Absolutely You have to make some of these mistakes But you could avoid some of them also you could avoid some of them by thinking it out.

A lot of mistakes I did, I let addiction push it. A lot of mistakes I did, I let my insecurities push it. Not a lot of the people I listen to the podcast have the same things that I had going on. No, very few people. And I don't have the same things they were going on. We all come from different backgrounds and different walks of life. But fear, doubt, anxiety. All that shit hits us the same, whether you're born.

white, black, you got two good parents, you got one missing parent, whatever. We all have those same fucking little insecurities. You know, today I went to Cranes, and he's having an in-house competition this week. And after the last two months, I made a commitment to go to Kansas City. But if this wasn't, if this was a couple years ago, I would have canceled Kansas City. Really? And done that in-house competition on Saturday. I'll tell you why, because I don't want to compromise.

compete at all. But this would be a fear. And like I told today, there's a kid that really takes care of me in Jiu-Jitsu. He's a really good kid. Okay. And he's a very good Jiu-Jitsu player. Very good. He works hard. He's there five days a week. He lifts weights. He's dedicated, but he suffers from kind of the same shit. I suffer from social anxiety. When you wrestle with somebody, part of it isn't the breathing. It's the anxiety that you're going to get died. I don't know, that you're going to get beat up or something, we both share those same things. So when we roll together, I could see that he's looking at my eyes to see if I get an anxiety attack or whatever, he cares, you know, and so that pulled him aside.

I go, you're doing the competition on Saturday. I said, no, I don't think so. I go, listen, man, you're here with family. Even if you have an anxiety attack, you're here with family. Nothing bad could happen to you. It's like you're in Orange County and having an anxiety. anxiety attack in front of 400 people. Here, it's your family.

The reason why I go to Alberta is because they're family. If I get an anxiety attack and fall backwards, I know Alberto's going to take good care of me. Right. He'll give me mouth to mouth, put a finger on my ass, put ice on my chest, whatever it needs. Whatever it takes you. You know what I'm saying?

People ain't going to be scared. They know what your ailments are. They know they've watched you breathing for the last year. They know, and even Alberta appreciates what I've been doing lately. I go, I take the middle one, then I end with one that I stretch. He's like, bro, that's really good that you're doing it from that perspective. It makes you come in here an extra week. What do I give a fuck?

You know, you learn how to work smarter. When we've been doing the podcast, we've learned how to work smarter. That's what people do. But by not doing it, you're not going to have to learn to do it correctly. Okay, got you. And these all go back to fear and doubt. So I was telling this kid right out, I said, start with this competition

Saturday here right here if something happens you're here with us we got you we put ice on your neck we get you a fucking assay and we sit with you

so you don't feel like that we'll help you breathe and he kind of looked at me and he was like maybe and I go if that works then not even a mile away there's another competition next month for blue belts

blue belts that's it at VMAC up the corner if something happens to you we'll all be there it's a Sunday 11 o'clock I'm home that Sunday I'll be there I'll be there

you know what I'm saying so you have to help people also you have to let people know that people also have to let people know people who have anxiety like me are very ashamed to tell people they have anxiety I'm not ashamed

especially if I'm win somebody I've told the world we've spoken about my anxiety on this fucking show thousand times. Before I go on stage at the wool turn, there was a short period there. I was really getting fucking anxious like a motherfucker. Do you

think it has to do like something with how you like, uh, you like by yourself, you like being an introvert? Because for me, even just the thought, like even now when I say like I've said a bunch of times, I wish I had more friends, I like to hang out with people, there's times

that I get very nervous just at the thought of like because I'm so used to being by myself and being handling it by myself, like the thought of being around a lot of people like that kind of freaks me out too. I get it. I get it. In 2001, I started booking movies and shit, and I would get invited to the screenings. Okay.

The staff and not even the big screening with the stars. Oh. The cast and crew. The cast and crew. Yeah, I wouldn't get invited to the premieres. Okay. I did this movie called American Gun with James Colburn. I did another

I did a few movies that were just one scene, two scenes so I would never get invited to the premiere. Was I upset? No. I just didn't like it. But I learned something

from going to the cast and crew ones. I was getting just as much anxiety at the cast and crew ones as I was at this premiere. So I stopped going to the cast and crew ones. When I went, so, like I went to that, I remember,

that James Corbyn movie. They fucking hated me. Really? They got mad at me for cocaine and drinking. I wasn't, you know what, man? At that time, I wasn't even snorting and fuck it. It's just amazing how you get blamed for fucking everything. They told I had gotten in booze or something. I was smoking

dope on the set, but it was a midnight set. Everybody was smoking dope. I was young. I had just gotten here. I didn't know that monkey see monkey do. I saw people getting high. I started getting high and I got to blame. So you know what these motherfuckers did? They cut me so bad from the movie

They just showed my hand Giving somebody the gun That's how much they got pissed at me But they still invited me to the casting crew And just the anxiety Of me sitting there waiting for my role to come up Was brutal When I didn't see my face

But I heard my voice I was so fucking happy Most people would be upset Because they got cut I was so fucking happy Because yeah oh my God Then there was something else I did Where I went with my wife, we did the whole day thing.

It was at one of those fucking directors places on Sunset, the cheap ones, not even the real good ones. It's called like Harmony Hut. I don't fucking know. They screen little movies there, 90 seats. I went to one there that this movie was so fucking bad. I was ashamed to even be in the movie, but it was more shameful was how the fucking actors were acting. This was a fucking thing off sunset. Nobody went to see it.

There wasn't a person from the industry that mattered in there. These people thought they were to cast a fucking glee. Oh, no. They're hugging and kissing. I was so embarrassed. But when my role came up, Lee, I ran the fuck out of that. I couldn't breathe. That's the first time I heard of that.

And I didn't say nothing to nobody. Okay? And I did something else about a year later. And this one was like a medium big one? And it was casting crew. I thought it was the one with David Spade I did. and it was kind of casting crew and I went in there

and my scene was in the beginning my scene for four or five movies do you remember I went on a role of the first scene Right, you said taxi I think Taxi analyzed that And that one with David Spade I'm trying to remember which one that was I don't even fucking know it don't matter

And that movie When I went to see That one with David Spade I thought my head was going to blow up, please. Again, I took my wife. I thought my head was going to blow up. And then there was a movie I did The Mezos. It was about two gay mobsters, and I was a gay mobster.

And I took a bunch of people to see that one, and I ran out of the movie theater. Now, is it different for you, like, if you're home by yourself? Is it that there's people there? No, it's even worse at the house by myself. So I didn't know what it was. People would say to me, though, you were sitting there. And then you weren't. And then you weren't.

What happened? I just went outside to get at. And they never really asked me. And I never really knew what it was. And then one day, I was watching that fucking crazy dude. I'll let him and ask him. You know, Pirates of the Caribbean. Johnny Depp?

Johnny Depp. And let him and ask him. He goes, so are you involved in the shooting process? Do you look at dailies? And he goes, no. He goes, what do you mean? You don't look at dailies. He goes, when the movie gets cut, the first edit, do you watch?

He goes, no. He goes, what do you mean? about the premiere. He goes to the premiere. He goes, yes, but I run out before my rolls come out. He goes, so you don't like, he goes, I can't stand listening to my voice, and I can't stand watching myself. It gives me a weird feeling, and that's the feeling I get. The only movie I sat in the premiere and kind of enjoyed, because my friends were there was the longest yard premiere. But when I sat there with my wife, I got up. When I went to the cast and crew with some friends from L.A., I got up.

The premiere in New York, I sat with my friends from high school, and it felt good. I got up a few times, and whenever I would come up into the screen, I would whisper in a frenzy to throw it off. Oh, okay. I don't like that, none of that shit either. That shit creeps me to fuck out, Jack. So, like, I was just thinking, like, it's kind of nice that almost, I'm sure everyone, even you, who seems to be so, like, confident and all that has anxiety and doubt. But then I was just thinking about, like, the people who thought they were glee.

Do you think they have doubt and anxiety, or are those kind of people just, they don't? No, they have no doubt. They're too worried about the gluten. The gluten-free bread on the table and how it's going to. I think we all have some form of doubt or, I mean, I still have it, Lee. Fifty-four years old, been doing comedy for 26 of those fucking, years and I still go do a spot at the ha-ha and I get nervous. I enjoy that nervousness.

It's not. I mean, come on, man. There's a thousand people listen to this podcast. I got a tweet today from somebody who's going to get on stage. I got a tweet yesterday from somebody who's going to get on stage tomorrow night at helium for the first time. You know, I love to do an interview, do a documentary, and interview people who got into comedy to tell me the truth. how long from the thought to the inception of getting on stage. There's some people that are just great.

There's some people who went to watch Lee Syatt on a talent night, one of his employees, and they signed up, and they got on stage. But there's people like me that from the thought to when I got up on stage, two years, three years, two and a half years. From the prison to the stage, it was two and a half years. And then it was a couple years to do it full time, you said? And it took me another four to really get... Four.

It took me two to get... Okay, there you go. It took me two years to learn how to work smart. It took me two years to realize if I was going to do this, this is how it had to be done. It wasn't working by my standards. Getting on stage once a week was not going to work.

And thinking I was fucking Richard Pryor, that's not going to work, Joey. And that was my first thought. I had so many horrible thoughts like a lot of other people have. I had the thoughts of, excuse me, the thoughts of being discovered, the thoughts of just going on stage once a week, and the thought of just doing an hour because it was just something you had to say,

and you were that funny. All those thoughts, that was the three thoughts I had going into stand-up. And I'm sure when you become an underwater biologist, or you become a plumber, or you become a fucking engineer, a structural engineer, there's things you thought about it that, okay, we're going to talk about somebody neutral. My sister-in-law, Paula.

Okay? Paula went to law school with thoughts of... The DA's office. There you go. Okay. She graduated, and what happened? No, DA jobs. Why not?

They were fucking a nightmare. There's lists. There's thousands of applicants. Oh, yeah. Thousands. So did Paula cave? No, now this is what most people have done. Okay, you went to college, you're an intelligent dude.

How many people want to go to college, get a DA, want to be a DA, they come out. Paula realized it after what, 90 days. Paul was not stupid. She goes, you know what? This will be tough. I'm going to have to interview and interview again, interview again, and it might not be L.A. I guess you told me one time that it wasn't for another two years. Yeah, it's a weird.

It's a weird process. And then you and I were talking here one day, and we were talking about immigration. Like, wait, just dropping on her. She speaks Spanish, you know. Yeah. And sometimes what you thought you were going to do is not what you thought you were going to do.

You're really doing it, but not just that field. Right. I always thought I was going to be a stander. Really? I never knew I was going to be in a fucking movie or a TV. Joe, I told you. If I thought that one day you would become famous and go, Joe, you want to be an extra in my movie? Sure, I'll fucking hold a fucking tomato at the supermarket.

I don't give a fuck because I thought I would only be an extra. Now I'm acting with people. I've acted with well-known people. Okay. Did anyone tell you to be an actor when you moved here, or did you do that on your own? The first manager I had said he was going to send me on an audition. I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about. Yeah.

I don't know what the fuck he was talking about. He was like, you know, you're a feature act. You only make $500 a week. That's $50 if you go on the road. Okay. For him. $50 for me. I can't keep the lights on.

But he goes, commercials are paying. Now, I never knew about commercials. That's how negligent I was to this whole art game out here. I'd never even thought about commercials, even though you see him every day of your life. Right. Who acts in those? Even there was film and television.

So I thought, oh, well, you know, I won't do any of those. And I came here in February, and by the end of February, I had the best commercial agent at the time, because they all shift. Oh, yeah. Approached me. And they called my manager. Next thing I had a commercial agent. I'm like, holy shit.

And if I signed with them on Thursday, I had a commercial that Monday. It was Popeye's chicken. Oh, shit. I went over by sunset. You know, the Bay, right two blocks before Fairfax. Okay. Going west, there's an audition studio there that's still there. That was my first commercial audition.

And I remember walking in there and there being 60 people. In the back of my mind, I'm like, watch me. Watch my smoke. And me going up there reading the lines thinking I was cool for this commercial. And I must have read whatever. I went up there and thought I was cocky. And they were like, thank you for coming. and I called my commercial age.

I did great. I'll be surprised if I don't book it. I never heard Dick. Oh, no. And the first 10 of them were all the same. I went in there thinking I was fucking Johnny actor. And then I booked the real commercial, like three or four months in. After you learned how to do it?

Well, the commercial has to be right for you. Okay. Okay, the commercial game, the theatrical game are two different fucking games. Let me give you an example. Okay. When I went for a mob row, for a commercial, I always wear a white shirt. Like a button-down shirt? Yeah, like a white shirt under the black suit.

Okay. Or the gray suit or the blue suit. When I go for a movie mobster, I wear a black shirt or a blue shirt. You follow me? What's the difference? It makes me look a little nice. And you don't want to look nice for TV? No, you want to look like a mobster for TV.

For commercials, you got to look like a mobster, but a little civilized. They want you to look like that, but not really. Oh, okay. So you follow me? I figured that out, because every time I wore a black shirt to a commercial, I didn't get it. One day, I said, let me switch it around. I started wearing right shirts to mafia commercials, started getting. It added a different patois.

That's funny that you said that, because I'm thinking about it, I think there's just one commercial. It was like a draft king's commercial a year or two ago where they're like, talk to your uncle Bobby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw those guys. Every time I see that, I'm like, why wasn't that Joey? Because. And looking at it, he's a white dude with red hair. Because I'll tell you why.

Okay. Because every time they make a mob commercial, Italian defamation league raises their fucking hand. Oh, no. So all those mafia commercials, you see that run, they always run for three weeks. So that's why. Like, I remember on one commercial, they ran, they complained, and they said, we got a Cuban guy. We're not even attacking it.

So for that, they played it safe. they just went with a bunch of Irish guys or street-looking guys and nobody got their feelings hurt they ran the commercial they whiten the commercials up for white and politics yeah especially 2-4 and Fox

okay and ABC 2 4 and ABC got to be by the book dog Fox a little different FX you could fucking blow your mother up and sell a commercial for a fucking band-aid but you know all those things the main four you gotta be here or the main three

I did not want to act when I came here, Lee. It was the last thing I ever thought I would do, honestly. Even though I was very impressed with actors, and there was a lot of actors that I grew up to, that I grew up to kind of analyzing from Charles Bronson to Kleeney Wood and now Lord Josie Wales, just certain actors that I just really enjoyed. I never thought it would work for me. When I came out here, they dropped the acting thing on me.

And at first, it was a little hard, but then I realized I live here. Why am I not? This is why you live here, is to be on TV and film. Right. I don't live here to go surfing. I don't live here to go to Venice Beach. I don't live here to go to Gold's Gym. I don't live here to walk around Melrose.

I live here to do stand-up and now to act. And now to write. Is it almost like when you first moved here, you're still like looking for response and how you said work, work smart? I have this free time during the day. Might as well audition. I was telling you, you know, when I first got it, even though your pride doesn't want you to get a job, I got a job. Right.

Because I had a lot of obligations. I had a coke addiction. I had a child support. You know, I was living in a fucking car. You have a lot of fucking, you know, and you know you can make money hustling from doing comedy. But what the fuck? Let me get a guarantee. Let me make sure I could bring home a nickel a week selling cigars or a nickel a week selling screws or a nickel a week.

It's time. It's open time. What are you fucking? having weight. What are you going to write in five hours? Your next masterpiece? Go make money and you can write this afternoon. Come home at one, sleep at two hours, wake up at three. Spots don't start until 8 o'clock and they go till midnight. You can write till 5. But people have this fucking weird thing that I'm going to wake up in the morning and right now you're not. You're going to smoke a cigarette, drink coffee, smoke a joint and talk to your buddies and you're going to throw stupid ideas on each other.

Why don't you go get a job? Cover the fucking nut. So you're okay, you walk around like a human being, and then everything's good. And trust me, even with the money I was making, I was still walking around wounded. I couldn't imagine not doing what I was in fucking doing at the time. When I got that first commercial, the first two or three things, there wasn't a dime that went to me. That all went to bills and debts and fucking God knows what else. Let me do some fucking shoutouts here real quick.

Philip Rusty, Bazili, you know, I love your cocksucker, Robert Paulie, Tony LaCosto, Garnett, Anarche, Christopher Jackson, Ray Quigley, Larry Hartley, Eric Turab, To Robbie, Talking Lamb, my man took care of me this time in Vegas, and Super Cherry. I love you, motherfucker. Don't forget about me. Anyway, yes, if there's any writers, I've read half of this book already, The Art of War for Writers by James Scott Bell, Fiction Writing, Strategies, and Exercises. I read half of this book already, and I'm blown the way, which means is I'm going to read it again now with a little fucking notebook next to me,

making notes of this. So this is not the same one as The Art of War? No. No, no. There's three books to that. There's a couple books to that. Oh, okay. People from the show have sent me the whole collection.

Oh. You know, the Art of War for this. This is one that Gordon sent me. Okay. And I guarantee this is one of his clients. And it's James Scott Bell, the Art of War, for Rue. writers. If you want to, you know, like I said, I got a lot of emails, I got a lot of Facebook messenger message. And lately I've been getting hit up for writing. Like, what's the best

book? What's the best of this? You know, man, there's 20 fucking good books out there. The one that got me, honest to God, was on writing by Stephen King. But that was me. There was one I read some years ago. I don't remember the ones I told you on this. If I bump into something that's really, really good, I will run it through you on the show. I'm also reading a book that Bob Linguish and his family sent me, The Three Lives of Jimmy Page. I'm fucking a quarter through that. This book is a bigling the Bible. It's biggling the fucking Bible, so I'm three quarters through that. So once I finish this, so far what I'm reading, my dick is getting hard. So so far what I'm reading, I like it. So I'm going to try to look up that author and see if I have to have me.

and call in and talk about this. This is a good book, The Three Lives of Jimmy Page. I really try to read guys, especially on these fucking planes. You know what? I bring a little notebook on the planes. I never write on the plane. I get one idea and one crazy idea. I tried it on Thursday nights and eats dick.

I never try it again. I can't ride on planes. When did you get into reading? The seventh grade. Really? That early? No, I'm lying to you. When I went to Catholic school,

there was one nun who made you read a book and do like a book report every See that's what killed it for me And I would do I did The Godfather Oh okay Mario Puzzo I did

Jonathan Livingston Segal For her I did I did four fucking books for her Like the love bug She would make you read the book Describe the characters And write what you thought

The plot typed Three pages with a binder Sister Anna sister Patricia. And that was when I learned a little bit about books. I thought it was a homework assignment. Right, yeah. But then when I went to Mr. Kingwell's class in the seventh grade the first time,

when you're still in the sixth grade, the last day of school in the sixth grade, before they moved me to the seventh grade the next day. Okay. Mr. Kingwell coming and said, tonight, guys, go read a book. Go get a book. So he would give you a book to read for the summer. Yeah. And September 1, when you came back, you had a house.

have a book report on that book from the summer. And the book I brought to him was Jaws. I did Jaws the first time. But you had to do one once a month, Jack. Jesus Christ. And you know what? I just realized that. That's when I realized that if you're not into something and you read it, dump it.

Dump it. It's a horrible fucking read, dump it. If it's in your world, I don't care if you tell me, Joe, I've read this twice. It's the best book I've ever read. It's like anything else. some movies I like you don't like some movies you like I don't like you know everything's not going to work for everybody right but I realize that you really got to be into a book to really fucking sink your teeth like I'll be you know like I still know the books that have I wish I could become that's what my problem is that I'm a reader and when you're a reader it's really good for you if you write or it can be really bad for you because you try to complete pay yourself to those motherfuckers. Oh, yeah, but there's no way.

There's books I've written, but I can write a fucking night with a crayon. They're so fucking bad. There's a ton of books I've read that are terrible that have been done overnight. You could tell. But there's a lot of good books, like fucking, what's the, one of the best books, you know, Kujo, of course, and, you know, the one about Ross Perot and shit like that. But one of my favorite fucking books ever was. But it's the movie, the one with the chick, the FBI agent, Hannibal Lecter.

Oh. Silence of the Lamb. Yeah. It was one of the best books I read. Have you read the series? I read Red Dragon. Red Dragon. I read Red Dragon.

I read Red Dragon. The Silence of the Lambs, and that's why. And then I read Hannibal. No, I'm lying. I did read Hannibal. I did read Hannibal before the movie was released. Yes. And I watched, in fact, Jeffrey today, a friend from the Twitter said in a podcast,

listened to hit me up and said he was released. watching the whole Michael Man collection which means he was watching Manhunter thief and whatever he did like two or three

really good movies back to back look up Michael Mann on IMDB and from 79 78 78 77 Michael Mann

did some heavy fucking shit man Jeffrey Collins hit me up today okay he has 21 Jesus all right but what was he doing in 78 and 77.

As a director, right? Yeah. 77, he did, well, his first movie was 81, was thief. Yeah, because he started out, then he did the keep. Manhunter was 83. Wow. L.A. Takedown, the TV movie. The last of the Mohicans was 92.

Heat was 95. Right, but before those starts, so he did Manhunter, and he did Thief. And then if you jump to television, what comes up for him crime story and Miami Vice he didn't direct those I don't think

maybe he wrote them or something there's anything on there Miami Vice or crime story police story he did police story from 76 to 78 Starsky and Hutch he wrote four episodes What else

He wrote the screen Play for Thief Oh, yeah, Miami Vice in 85 He wrote one episode And then the screenplay for Manhunter Crime Story and Crime Story Heat, Ali, he wrote it's later Drug Wars, the Camarena story

Yeah, the Chi Cameranos And the last of the Mohicans That's crazy The Keep Vegas, he did 68 episodes I don't know what that is That's 78 And then he did that

that horse show on HBO. But it really, you know, that's irrelevant. It's just so weird how I like, I enjoy readingly. And I fly, man. And you can listen to an iPod for so long. Right. And you can fucking read a movie for so long. You know, you can watch a movie for so long.

I got to tell you something. Those books add up. Those books add up. I had to start reading them. And I said, fuck it. When I got on a plane, I know I'm not going to be bothered. I got about a good hour and a half read. You know how much I can read. reading an hour and a half, a lot. You know, and then you take a little breather, then you listen to music, then you listen to a music for an hour, then you watch the TV, and bam, there you are.

What is it like reading high? I've never read anything. Even better. I can't. I would imagine. Even better. Your imagination goes off. You put your little glasses on. You get a little fucking diet soda. You put your feet up. You take good care of yourself and you read. And you take your mind somewhere else instead of a bullet.

What I learned, Lee, that I wish I would have done when I was 28, was learn how to take my mind out of the bullshit. Yeah, how do you do that? Because that's what kills us. That's what kills you as a human being. When you let your everyday struggles go home with you at night, and you absorb them, and they bring into different moods, and they leave you the drinking or whatever.

But that's not the whole thing. Just that stress and that worry upon your brain and your mental state and your central nervous system, it's not good for you. You know, and how do you know, Joey? What the fuck? After my mother died, that little thing I had of constantly thinking about my life and what was going to happen, it was wearing me out, man. It was worrying me out. And whenever I've had those issues, I could feel it. That's what kills you.

Yeah. People say people have heart attacks from stress. What the fuck is stress? You know, it's funny what our friend was saying last night that he has to work three weeks a month to make the rent, you know? And it's like the guy said in fucking Fight Club, you can't let the things you own own you. When you start letting the things you own on you, that's stress.

that's when you can't sleep how am I going to make that car payment how am I going to make that high school payment how am I going to pay for vacation how am I going to do this you know this shit will kill you more than all those subjects combined

if you really think about it because there's no debtor's prison and I don't care how many binds you've better than your life you always seem to work yourself out of you really do as an individual you really do nobody's better than anybody else

Nobody's special on anybody else. Everybody in their life gets put into two or three dark situations. And you know what, man? You always work yourself. It's like the man said, you don't get what you want, but you get what your fucking motherfucking need, dog. That's so frustrating. It's frustrating.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but as a kid growing up, even until, like, I think that's what I'm struggling with now, is, like, you grew up and you, I just think there's an end point. there's like, okay, you get to a certain point of success, and then you can enjoy everything and relax, and everything that I'm hearing and figuring out is that never comes. That never comes at all.

So, like, that's very frustrating. If you don't, you shouldn't, it's not frustrating, because, again, you're putting your head somewhere where it should not be whatsoever. Okay. It should not be whatsoever, you know. You know, you're a good guy, and I'll tell you what, I'll fucking blow you out of the water. And this is not to be funny or to be cute.

It's just to tell you where my head was at. In 1984, which makes me 21 years old, I went to the doctor because of blood coming out of my stool. Being out of my stool for about three months. Do you know why, people? Because I would go to sleep worried. I'd wake up at 3 in the morning, worried, and I'd go back to sleep, worry and I got the beginnings of an ulcer and that yellow medication and they gave me like low end whatever and but the doctor kept telling me to come in and talk with him and he was an old dude with

white hair and he was right there so I go okay and he guys I don't remember where his office was it was snowmass village 1983 the summer of 83 I was 21 years old I had no family maybe $82 in the something. I lived in a two-bedroom apartment. Taking three credits a semester, maybe six at a Colorado Mountain College. Think about it. A whole fucking idea. No idea. I had nobody I could call and say, hey, I can't pay rent. I need six hundred dollars. There was nobody. I had to make this every fucking month. And I would sit there every month and sweat the month out and then sweat the quarter out, you know. Even though I had a job,

even though I had a way to get to that job every day, there was no excuse. It wasn't like, I don't have a car. I had a way. There was a way. There was a bus that took me right in front of the place. I didn't have to walk a foot. It would drop me off and I had to cross the street. I had a job, had a place to stay.

At that time, I was robbing a little bit. I had a little put away. But I was playing with fire. That's a complete different story. But all that thought I was wasting. at night, I understood thinking back now, I understand 40% of that thought, it's natural, but I was driving myself crazy. I was beating myself up, and it was just too much for that age.

And you know what? That doctor, those six weeks, I talked to them once a week, the blood went away, and I never put myself there again. I still thought, but I never sweated it out. like I used to. Till this day, you ask me things, and I'll tell you, I'm not sweating them. I don't worry about it.

There's nothing to worry about. It's going to either work your way or not. And if it doesn't, you'll figure out a way to make your work. That's what I'm worried about. Yeah. There's a few curveballs from time to time. The big thing, listen, what's a fighter? A fighter isn't somebody who could throw great punches

or great kicks or take Jiu-Jitsu really good. It's somebody who could take a fucking punch to the head three times when people go and come back and knock a motherfucker out and win with his bone sticking out of his ear. That's a fighter.

That's a catchy guy. Whoever. Yeah. That's what we are. And when people realize that, see, that's what you've never focused on. You've focused on that does that never stop? Listen, you're 28 years old. All you've got to focus on. And you're the next Thursday's your birthday. You'll be

29 years old. All I want you to focus on is 29 years old. I get my promise since birth. I want you to focus on the 30 day, the 90 day, and the 120. If you need to get a notebook, that's what you start next Thursday. And every week, ba-p-pup, bupah, dog, I write everything. If I'm angry about something now, I take the notebook I open it up, and I write it Write the whole story out and then I read it and I go, what the fuck am I mad about? I wish I would have known this when I was 29 years old.

I wish I would have known these things. That there's no payoff and worry. All I want you to do is do by how you're going to do it and do it. Don't think about nothing else. Today, that kid, I told you from Jiu-Jitsu, we rolled today. We rolled for a reason because I saw something from him from watching him today. Okay. That's why I told you it all starts with the mental.

You do a warm-up, you learn a technique, you drill the technique, you get water, and then you call a break in the guard. Where you get in my guard, all you have to do is pass it. If you pass my guard, you get on your back, then somebody has to pass your guard. If you sweep them, you stay on your back. Okay, they do that for 15 minutes at every class. So I was watching him today. And this kid has gotten so good that in his mind, before you even click hands with him, he grabs your ghee, he decides that you're not going to pass this guard. It's amazing to watch his face on what happens.

He just decides. He just decides. That's why I explained to him today that he had to compete because he's that good. I watched the guy 30 pounds heavier than him. almost pass his guard. And this kid opened up and held on to his ghee and with his geese flipped over into the turtle position and then grabbed the guy's legs and took him down.

In his mind, so if in his mind he could decide that somebody's not going to pass his guard and his mind, he could go to a competition and overcome this little anxiety he gets. Like I told him, you can't go to the world's first. You're going to cave. go to the world's first. That's like if I go to Vegas next August and try to compete in the world for the first competition, I'm in a cave and I'll probably quit Jiu-Jitsu. Al-a-Ronda Rousey.

You just quit. You get such a beating that you just quit, and it's a shame. That's what happens. I moved a little too fast. I would do competitions at cranes. I would just go, give me three blue belts. I give you 50 bucks a piece, you know, and I would start with five-minute rounds from A to Z. take down, doom, and I guarantee I would lose all three fights. Okay. I don't have a chance in hell. I mean, I'm telling you this because of my breathing. I couldn't fight three times, five-minute rounds, seriously, speedy like that, unless I lane on you.

And even then, it's not going to fucking work. Okay. But I'm that little bit of that. I'm not prepared yet. He is, but I looked at him today and I go, if you decided that people are, you're not going, aren't going to pass your guard, you could decide to control the anxiety. Like when I was wrestling, when I told them I have to stop for a second, I can't slow down my breathing.

I've extended my time rolling, but I still can't control my breathing. When my heart beats like that, I can't slow it down, and that's what gives me the anxiety. I've controlled the anxiety now. I just have to sit there for a minute longer and breathe it out and just focus on my breathing And has the time So like when you start When you're rolling And you start getting anxiety

From that point To the point where you have to stop Has that point gotten longer now Are you able to deal with the fear? What it's doing is It's percentages Okay That's what I'm trying to say to you

So I went from getting anxiety A hundred time 100% To now I have anxiety 50% Okay Because the more I go The more the anxiety will go down Gotcha.

If I don't go, if I take gaps in between, my mind will let the anxiety grow. So I can never let that happen. Before it grows, I go down there. But, but like today, I was sore from yesterday. But fuck it. Boom, and I'll go again tomorrow before, you know, I'll go again tomorrow because I don't want the fear to grow. By the time the fear shows up, I'm already on the mat.

And I've already overcome you. You follow me? That's what I was doing. The same thing with stand-up. When I got into stand-up, I would get on stage once a week. and die and then walk around like I was Joey bananas. Like, oh, I did great. No, you didn't.

No, you didn't. Then I would go down there next week and die again, even though I was getting on stage once a week. Okay. I had to change up the seriousness of my game. And that goes back to what we were talking about, the beginning of being prepared. And commitment.

Right, okay. Commitment is cousins with preparation. It is, yeah, totally is. Commitment is cousins with preparation. All this game is cousins. You have to look at cousins. It's all the same. So commitment and preparation, they're all fucking cousins.

But preparation, commitment in your mind, like I saw my friend do today. When I looked at his face and that kid was past his guard and he flipped backwards, he had no reason to do it. He could have hurt himself. He could have hurt his back and been out for six weeks. He don't know that. But he decided this kid wasn't going to pass his guard

just because of who he is. And that is what beat. It's anxiety. Belief in your mind, you know how I know, I'm living. You know how many times I've gone to an audition, walked in there, signed my name, looked around and seen people that I've seen in big time movies, and I've sat down in the corner and I go, oh, shit, I'm not going to get that. Well, I just lost a war.

I could tell you six roles I lost because of that, because I got intimidated by who was there. At one time, I'd tell you would intimidate the shit out of me. Joe Badafouca, until I left. And I go, why did I just throw that audition? Joe Badafouca can't outact me and he can't fucking outcomic me. And it wasn't a big deal. It was some fucking disaster of a game show or reality show. So just that one thought, it totally took you out of it.

And that happens for everything. That train of thought will happen for fucking, will take you out of the game. It did me for years. And once I started to go. Like I was telling Paul the other day before the fucking thing went south, before the train went south, I was telling Paul he's sure that in my mind. And I say this and a lot of people are not going to agree with me, they're going to get mad at me or disagree. I'm telling you people because I don't bullshit you motherfuckers. I'm telling you that in my mind, the training I got from the comedy store as a comic, which is a training nobody could give you.

It's a club on the sunset strip. You're on stage with celebrities and stars. When you first come out of you, that's a weird fucking world. But navigating through that training made me a green beret of comedy. I always felt that the comedy store comics were always green beret of comedy. What does that mean? Well, not your motherfucking first choice. You call us when shit goes south, and we show us.

and they drop us out of a helicopter with a knife on our mouth and two fucking fins and a scuba on our back. That's how I've always felt about the comics store. Joey, what would you say a dumb statement like that?

Why? Because I saw it. I saw people go in there that were mediocre comics become tremendous fucking comics. I.e. R.E. Shafir. I.e. Joe Rogan. I. I.e. Freddie Soto. Rest in peace.

The list go. Chrysalea. I saw a lot of comics that walked into the comic store, mediocre comics. and midway, two, three years somewhere, it snaps, and now you know your motherfucking mission. Okay, the improv has their own style of comedy. You've been to all three clubs.

Right. Whether it with Paula or with me, and everywhere has their own style of comics. But the solid homies, I'm telling you, the comedy store, in my mind, after like three or four years at the comedy store, the beat now was taken there on a daily night. Again, it's percentages.

Seinfeld said this in the Judy Carter book, the more you get on stage, it's all percentages. The more I go to Jiu-Jitsu, the fear will go down because it's all percentages. When you get on stage as a comic, first ten times you're going to bomb. Second ten times, you're going to do nine, you're going to bomb nine out of ten. Third time, you're going to do eight out of ten, and so on and so on until your percentages is 40%, 30% of bombing. I still bomb today.

26 years of comedy I still bomb and when I bomb I love it because that means I got it out of the way and here I come, motherfucker, I got another 90 days because the percentages get lower and lower. I'm more prepared when I go on stage now.

Even if I get myself into a dark place, I could navigate myself out of that. And that's all based on just working commitment. 26 years. Yeah, 26. Commitment. elimination of fear, 26 fucking years that I've been putting bad predicaments

in all, you know, when you're a roofer, an electrician, a plumber, all those trades, and you do new construction, like there's people who do new construction, and there's people who do what's other construction, like they come in and remodels. Gotcha.

Okay, those guys do remodeling construction, those guys are great. when you do a remandum it comes out great and they come in and out of bathroom or whatever all those things are difficult guys the reason why you're paying them is your expertise of finding problems and overcoming those problems

like for example you'll come to me and go all this week and I bought a house Joey I'm redoing the downstairs battle I'll say to you using the plumber and you'll go no no no no no I want out I went online and yelp. And this dude said to buy his cassette and do it. All of a sudden, mid-wide, doing you're Thailand? Right, yeah.

You don't know what you're doing. Now you have to call the plumber, and you have to pay him to do what you defy. If you used to pay the plumber, those people, those type of people come in. New construction you built. I tell you to come in and build these wall, 12 by 14, all the same. That's what you do. Build me 22 of those, 22 apartments.

That's what you do. With remodeling and roofing like my brother. laws. They were fucking geniusesly. Every time I went on a roof with those guys, I learned something. Like I would sit and everybody would say, listen, if you work with those two dudes, watch them

and listen to what they say, it's the small details of their job that relate with flashing. Flashing means when you run into piping and air conditioners on the roof, if you don't do those right, they leak and it causes a tremendous problem. When you work with these guys, this shit never leaked.

Because they did it and redidens. it and redid it. They did that extra time that people don't do to get it out of the way. But they faced any, like when I worked at them, I always learned something. And other roofers would come up and go, Jesus Christ, these fucking guys are geniuses. They were professionals. They knew how to overcome obstacles. The more you do something, you learn how to overcome obstacles. one guy I gotta hand it to the stand-up world. There's one person that now I think about it, and I gotta tell you who's fucking great,

he used to put himself in dark corners all the time. The reason why Joe Rogan's a great comic is because he used to put himself in dark corners, either by following strong people or saying something on purpose to trying to get somebody's attention, to work himself out of a hole. That genius move

at a young stage in his career made him the comic he is today. He threw his own obstacles of himself. Which I did, we all do as comedians for a while because we want to try it. That's a tremendous fucking fart right there, people. I had a little salad.

Oh my God. A little protein shake. That sounded like a fucking fourth of July. left over. That sounds like somebody popped a ball of champagne on the 4th of fucking July tremendously. Oh my God. It was so clear. It was tremendous.

I didn't think even that was people who was going to be heard, but hey, I'm sorry. Things happen. All right. If you don't fart, fuck you. He who live in a glass house throw the first stone. Let me ask you this, because it sounds like you never get like that relaxing time. Are fart still funny at 54? Like, do you still have a good time when people fart?

In my world? Yeah. Hilarious. All right, good. For me, not for everybody else. Oh, yeah. Well, that's... For me at 54?

Yeah. If I'm sitting there at night watching TV and the two cats are next to me and I blow a fart and they both look at me weird and I look at them like, who the fuck is running things, you know what I'm saying? And one of them always jump off. There's one cat that'll go, something ain't right here.

Do you like angle it at them if they're sitting there? Well, if my ass is pointed that way, and those two are looking at me. Well, a lot of people might just point it backwards or into the couch. Listen, they're on the couch. That's a privilege. If they want to be on there, this is what they're going to have to deal with my feet and my fucking asshole. You don't like it?

Go back to the ASPCA and let them lock you up and fucking some other homo find you like me. I'm the only fucking homeowner's got six cats because I fell in love with them. Let some other... Today I was sitting in the kitchen and I'm making that fucking protein shake before. I go to karate, the Jiu-Jitsu, the fucking little water so I can drink it at Jiu-Jitsu. And Gray comes in, the black and white one, the last one I got. I adopted her over there, I'd fucking up the corner from the office here. And I used to play with her every day, and then the laying downstairs, the cat got attacked one night.

Like one night, I didn't see it. Like, this went on for like a year. Her and I had this little romance. When I leave to do comedy, I'd see Gray. And when I come back, Gray would be waiting for me, or I would go Gray. And she would come running from wherever she was. And I had treats for her at the top of the stairs. And she'd walk up to the top of the stairs with me.

And I'd give her the treats, and I'd pet her for 15, 20 minutes. And I'd go inside with my other cats. And then at night and the morning, I'd come out, and there she was right there. Right there to hang with me. And the other cats were hissing her and shit. And I loved her. And I remember one day she disappeared for a while. and I was concerned

like I kept to ask my wife but you seen fucking gray they go come on let's get in the car and I saw gray two blocks away and I go gray gray and the only way we could get her home is if I got out of the car and she followed me home

and the owner of the house is like I've had this cat for fucking six years this cat don't like nobody this is fucking crazy so when she got attacked by the skunk or whatever attacked that she had up with the hospital

with the infection she couldn't live back back outside again. So she came to me. She goes, I'm either going to put her in the pound or give her away. Do you want it? She loves you. And I go, no, I'm taking it. And I took Greg. And that was how long. And I'm looking at that time. She's gained 10 pounds. She's clean. She's happy. I saw a kissing Demby yesterday. I saw her next to me and I saw Demi walk up to me in the office. And they looked at each other, but they both kissed each other. She likes Demi. She likes Demi. She likes Harry.

She don't like super bad. She's constantly attacking super bad. She stays away from the girls. She don't fuck with the girls. They have a lot more rooms to attack each other into the new house. No, but she's on the couch constantly. But it was so weird how that little animal with me. Like I was sitting there looking at it, sitting there making the drink.

I shook it up. I put the drink down. I had no food to give her or none. It's like she was there begging. No, no, no. Just came up to me and said, what's going on? I just woke up. You know, I take a little stretch.

I wanted to say hello, I bent over, I patted her. I picked her up, and it's so weird. When I pick her up and I put her in my chest, she just puts a little head on my shoulder. Like, she's, thank you, and I pet her. She gives me about six minutes, and then she'll make a little meow. That means, all right, enough is enough, cock sucker. I don't need this much love from you. And I let her go down, and she leaves, and then I won't see it until nighttime.

And I could be wrong, but didn't she get it? get out a couple years ago and like escape like get lost from all the while she got out and she went into the garage and they locked her in there oh no and i was fucking cracked listen to me i was cracked i couldn't sleep at night and shit i was ready to call the police i was fucking cracked and i uh they opened up the garage when they and there she was just sitting there she ran in the house and she's never left again she don't walk out of that door she looks like outside from time to time. She goes, yeah, it's nice out there today, but fucking

this is good in here. I got a cot. I watch TV now. I got a little fucking toys I play with, because I play with them at night. When I go home, that's how I unwind. Is it a little cat? Yeah, because mama's in bed, the baby's in bed, and the cats are out, one by one.

And once I get home, the later I get home, the more of them will be out. I'll get home now and there's one out, and they'll play with me for a little while. The later you get home, be two. You know what I'm saying? You get home like a midnight that's like three out. And then from the energy, you send

out from playing with those three cats, the other ones come to life, and they come into the living. They got to play with all of them. They got to take a brush while you're there. See, and cats are good because dogs bark. Yeah, no, no, no. For these guys, just purr, and you're petting them. It's like one in the morning,

and you can feel the fucking energy in the room. You're brushing them, brushing them, pop, pop, pop, pop. And the next thing you know, and one of them will swat one of them and shit so then they'll be down to four of them and now I have four of them. I have super bad, Harry Demi

and maybe Greg and I'll be brushing them you know and that'll be what's left and something will happen with Demi and Harry is such a weird combination but now since I scratched their back they have those different pheromones, what do you call them?

Hermon's on their back now they're awake and now it sets that it's really weird Unless you have a fucking cat. I'm sorry I'm talking about fucking cats, people. I just haven't talked about the cats a long time. We were talking about fears and shit like that. Listen, anyway, I'm going to be in St. Louis Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night.

And then, like I said, July 29, we'll be at the Borgata. That's it and that's that. I'm really sorry this weekend about the guest when all this shit happened, you know, and I couldn't recover. But let me tell you some, next week. We got a tremendous week for you, motherfucker. I'm happy that you guys still support us and you're still in our corner

we're here you know us this is the church of what's happening my motherfuckers we're here before we leave though let me talk to you motherfuckers about something alright that's important to me listen man you know there's a lot of things

going on right now uh you know maybe you're looking for a job maybe I don't know I don't know what the situation is in your life but listen you can never have enough money lift knows

that their drivers are what keeps them moving. So they do everything they can to make sure their drivers are happy on every trip. It's a simple formula. Happy drivers means happy passengers, right? You get in the car, the dude's in a good mood, he's talking to you,

you tell him open up the back window, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's why nine of the ten lift rides get a perfect five-star rating. You can earn hundreds of dollars a week, plus tips. You want to earn more money, right? The holidays are coming.

Believe it or not, It's July, but the holidays are coming. You drive more. If you want to earn more money, you drive more. If you don't want to make money that week, you take a few days off. It's never been easier to give yourself a raise. Lyft was the first ride share platform with tipping built right into the app because getting tipped shouldn't depend on your passenger having a crumbled bill in their pocket.

You keep 100% of the tips, and let me tell you some, they add up fast. Drivers have been paid over $200 million since the feature was $1,000. first introduce. And express pay lets you get paid almost instantly instead of waiting for weeks. Lyft has even taken the guesswork out of pickups. The new amp device uses color coding to help passengers find their drivers. So do yourself a favor. Join the ride sharing company that believes in treating their people better. Go to Lyft.com right now slash Joey today and get a $500 new driver bonus. That's lift.com slash Joey. Again, lift.com slash Joey.

Get yourself a little job and a $5.00 new driver bonus. Limited time only, terms apply. Let me ask you something. Times are tough. You got a business? Are you hiring? Do you know what to post your job to find the best candidate? No, you don't.

Let me ask you something. Like I told you earlier in the podcast, you know how it is to find somebody independent? I hit the home run with Lee here. I had a home run. You know how fine is to find somebody dependable? Somebody who takes showers. Somebody who you can trust.

Somebody who's educated. You know how important it is to run a successful business? Okay. With ZipRecruiter, you can post your jobs to 100 plus job sites with one click. Bam! Then their powerful technology efficiently matches the right people to your job.

Better than anybody else. That's why ZipRecruiter is different. Unlike other job sites, ZipRecruiter doesn't depend on candidates finding you. It finds them. In fact, 80% of jobs posted on ZipRecruiter. Get a qualified candidate in just 24 hours. No juggling emails, no calls to your office.

Simply screen, rate, manage all in one place with ZipRecruiter's easy-to-use dashboard. Find out today why ZipRecruiter has been used by businesses of all sizes to find the most qualified job candidates with immediate results. And right now, today, our family, our listeners can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free. Gratiss. That's right, free. Just go to ZipRecruiter slash church. It's that easy.

That's ZipRecruiter slash church. ZipRecruiter.com. Slashchurch. It's that easy. ZipRecruiter.com slash church. One more time, try for free. Go to ZipRecruiter. slash church.

Again, I want to thank ZipRecruiter. I want to thank Lift. I want to thank On it. And I want to thank most importantly you guys. I love you guys with all my fucking art. Without you, I got who got all right? I'll see you guys Monday Ready to Rock. If not, I'll see you

Thursday night in St. Louis. Get ready to light your wig on fire. We're going deep into the murky waters. I love you guys. Oh, by the way, again, the art of war for writers. James Scott Bell. Thank you again for listening. Have a great weekend.