The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #500 - Greg Garcia

Episode Date: July 19, 2017

Greg Garcia, the creator of "My Name Is Earl" and several other series, including the new series "The Guest Book," which premiers on TBS August 3, 2017, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio for the 500th episode. Thank you so much for all of the love and support over the past five years. The Church of What's Happening Now has turned into an international family of savages! This podcast is brought to you by: Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/JOEY to get your first three meals free and free shipping!   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 07/19/2017.
  

The church is brought to you by Nature Box. Listen, you all want to eat better, but when it comes to snacks, sometimes it feels like the whole world is delicious and has a billion calories versus boring and tasteless. It doesn't have to be that way. Up your snack game with NatureBox. And right now, you'll save even more. NatureBox is offering you guys, the family, three free snacks with your first order

when you go to NatureBox.com slash Joey. Again, that's naturebox.com slash Joey. Again, that's naturebox.com slash Joe. Joey for three free snacks with your first order. That's naturebox.com slash Joey. Number two, listen, August is coming. July was hot enough. July is hot enough and you still didn't get your bidet.

Well, let me tell you something. What August is going to do to you with that mugginess in your asshole, you're not going to get over it. Everybody wants to have a date. Everybody wants to go on Match.com, but you're walking around with a filthy fucking asshole and a dirty nut sack. That's why there's hello-tushy.com. Bidays are back, bitches.

Portable bidets are back. That's what HelloTushy does. Right now, go to hellotushy.com, and I'll give you 10% off by pressing. Go to hellotushy.com slash church. Bam! Wash that muffler, keep it nice and refreshed. The summer's here.

You don't want to be a fucking slob. You understand me? Go to hellotushy.com. Kick this meal, Lee. So, Churchill, what's happening now? The 5th 100th episode, July 19th, 19th, whatever the fuck of this. 2017

Kicked this Mulee I want to see fucking Oh shit This is you little savages The beautiful people The church of what's happened now Lee Syatt Mr. Greg Garcia

And your uncle Joey What do you think of that? It's that fucking simple I don't even know how to introduce you Mr. G I don't know if it's creator Executive producer, Director the writer because you've done fucking everything.

So it really doesn't matter. We want to welcome on our fifth hunt of the episode, Mr. Greg Garcia. It's an honor, man. Thanks for having me here. Please. This is great. This is great. First, I want to tell you that you're one of the best bosses I ever had.

Thanks. You're up there with Sam Ramey. I got you up there because Sam was fucking very. All right. Yeah. Like Sam, what's going on? I don't know. Just go hang out.

I'll get you later. We like to have a good time. Yeah. And that's what. We spend some time in prison together. Yes, we did. Out there in Lancaster, right? In the fucking desert.

That's what it was. That's right. Talk about hot. And we shot like in August? Yeah, we shot in the middle. Oh my God, it was brutal out there. That's right. Walking around with like towels on wet towels on our head and just trying to stay cool.

But good Lord, it was rough out there. And we were in a place that was half clothes and half operational, that prison we were in. Half of it was being used. for illegal immigrants who got arrested, but not for, like, anything too serious, and they were just awaiting deportation. So they were just chill. They were just playing soccer and hanging out

and watching us and stuff, but we were another half of it. I remember one of the scenes I shot was the guy hitting the head. You hit the head. Yeah, you hit him when to break. And we're talking about my name is Earl. He's the creator of my name is Earl.

And just, you know, yes, dear, the list goes on and on. I know Lee said you worked on... Family matters. Family matters. Yeah, I did that one for a year. Yeah, that was fun. You're Jimmy runs deep. You know what I'm saying?

You're Jimmy runs motherfucking deep. You don't need no introduction. Now you got a new show. Got a new show coming out, yeah, August 3rd called the guest book. Yeah. Good. That's the new. You always got something going on.

I try, you know. You know, it's got to the point now, too, that, like, I've been lucky enough that I can just do some stuff that's fun, you know. I don't have to chase anything too much. This new one's fun, yeah. You know, when I think of you sometimes, like I'll see an old, My name is Earl at night or the other one that you did with the old lady. Yeah, yeah, Raising Hope. With Cloris Leachman.

She used to lick my neck. Let me tell you something. She's fucking nuts. Crazy. The other day, I'm in my hotel room and wherever the fuck I was in the longest yard was on. Yeah. I hate watching myself on TV. Uh-huh.

But as I was scrow and it was the scene when her and Adam, when she's got stockings on. She loves that shit. And I remember and I busted out. At the table where she pulled up her shirt. Yeah. And showed everybody the TVs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she'll do it.

do whatever. She doesn't care. She would lick me. She'd come and lick me on my neck while I'd be sitting there watching the monitors. And one day I sprayed a bitter apple all over my neck, like the stuff you put on furniture so dogs don't chew it, that tastes all bad. And she started licking, and then she stopped. And I said, what's wrong? She said, you're a little afternoonie. Yeah, but it didn't stop her. She kept doing it. She kept looking at it. She was fucking tremendous and raising hope. But it's just, no, no, you're one of these guys that you're so innovative. with the little different TV and where the fuck they do, like you're always right there. Then you had another show at one time. That was crazy also. I had, well, I had earlier before that. No, I had, no, just yesterday.

I worked on Family Guy for a little bit. Yes, dear, I had a show called Built to Last that was ironically built to last with Royale Watkins that lasted three episodes. On ABC. NBC. NBC, yeah, yeah, it lasted three episodes. That was a long time ago. He created that with Warren Hutcherson stand-up.

Warren Hutchison. Yeah, yeah, good guy. So that must have been 17 years ago? It was a long time ago. I was probably 26, 27 years old. Yeah, yeah, yeah, built to last. It wasn't. Wow.

I just saw Royale. Did you want? Yeah, you see him from time to time. Yeah, okay, good. Good, I hope he's doing good. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. Television is so hard, and you make it, you know, right now at this point, you know,

the proof is in the pudding. You've made it look so easy. Yeah, you've got to surround yourself with the right people, too, though. I mean, I think it's a lot of that. You know, I met a lot of good writers, worked with a lot of good actors that would come back and work on other things, too. And, you know, so it's luck, too,

because you could do the best show ever. If it's not on the right network at the right time, it's done. You know, you got to just, you got to thread the needle almost every time. It's tough. When did you know you wanted to become a television writer? I watched TV my whole life, you know, sitcoms and stuff. That's all I did.

I wouldn't read books. I would just watch sitcoms. What were the earlier ones that you were? That you're really fond of stuff. A lot of stuff in reruns during the day, like Happy Days, and Father Knows Best, and Leave It to Beaver and Samford and Son, and, you know, what's happening and all that stuff. You know, those were my shows. And so much so that when we had dinner, I didn't want to stop watching, but I had to go upstairs and have dinner, so I would set up a little cassette recorder because we didn't have VCRs, you know, so I set a cassette recorder and I'd just audio record it. Then I'd come down when, like, Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy were on,

which I didn't care about, and I'd listen to them, which would force you to kind of, like, direct it in your head. You'd have to, like, move the people around and whatever. So, like, looking back on it, that was kind of like a tool, you know, to start, like, thinking about how to actually do one of these things, you know? That's fucking brilliant. For me, that's how I learned to speak the language. Yeah.

So for me, it was Dick Van Dyke. It was room 222, the courtship of Eddie's father. You know, the Walton's fucking was tremendous. I still remember the night that, Happy Days premiered. Yeah. I was in the fourth grade, and I was at Sacred Heart School for Boys.

Uh-huh. And that's what you watch. Yeah. You watch TV like from 7 to 9. Yeah. And I still remember the night, Happy Days premier, and shortly after that was,

I never forget we were watching Happy Days, like 16, fourth graders, you know, we would have snacks, like whatever. And all of a sudden, the television stopped one day, and it was the trailer for Bruce Lee's the Chinese connection.

And during commercials, like, we just go crazy. The nun would come on and say, shut off. Stop, Ed, stop, stop at. And I'll never forget that. We were watching Happy Days. And also, I saw Bruce Lee. Like, I had seen him on the Greenhorned before. But now he was in a fucking movie.

Like, when they took the Greenhorned off TV, people, it's not like today that they had variety. Yeah. Like, what the fuck happened? I didn't know. Yeah. He didn't know what happened? He just gone. Lee, what happened?

Six episodes. He was beating up white people when they took him off. Nobody can fill you in. Nobody can fill me in. The mystery. So he disappeared. So Fista Fury, it's all, you know, the Chinese released them really weird. So the first Bruce Lee movie that came out didn't come out like they just put it in Chinatown.

There was no big advertising. It must have caught on. And that's when they released the Chinese connection. In my world, that's the best one. That's the one when he goes fucking nuts. And I still remember the trailer. I'm playing. And the whole room, you can hear a fucking pin drop.

Yeah. And after the commercial went off, everybody in that room, like, just exploded. Like, I'm going Friday. I'm going Friday. I'm calling my father right now. Like, people are just going nuts. Yeah.

Like, when your mom picked you up on Friday, like, what do you want to do this weekend? You want to go to the restaurant? You're like, I want to go see Bruce Lay? Yeah. Everybody was fucking yelling. That's why I remember. Happy days.

I don't think I ever missed an episode of Happy Days. I probably said. And then when I was, this is crazy. Pinky Tuscadero. Yep. Jesus. Let me tell you this. So I'm in my, I'm in my back.

yard in Virginia. I'm probably, I don't know, 11, 12, 13 years old, something like that. I look over the fence. The new neighbors moved in right behind us. You remember Jenny Piccolo? Ginny Piccolo.

She played Joni's friend. The friend, right, right. Fucking Jenny Piccolo moved behind me in Virginia, over the fence. And she married a dentist, and the show was over, and she was just living there. And blew my mind.

Because, you know, I've just worshipped. and people on the TV and watching it. Now one's right over the back fence. I never talked to her. Was terrified. Wouldn't look in her direction. I would sit in our little sunroom. We had a piano and I would,

would she be in the backyard and I'd play like happy days on the piano, but I'd like hide under the window. And then eventually she moved. But it was a mind-blowing experience, you know, like, holy shit. You're in Virginia. Yeah, we're in Virginia. Right in my backyard, my favorite fucking TV show. Yeah.

The girl that's on that show just moved the next door. Just moved right there. Crazy. Crazy. So, yeah. So I watched, you know, I just watched sitcoms like crazy. I went to this little college in Frostburg, Maryland, called Frostburg State University, tiny little school. No SATs did.

No SATs needed. Yeah. You know how, like, if you're supposed to tell, like, if a dog is smart, you put a blanket over its head, how long it gets out, that's pretty much the test to get into Frostburg. It was a tiny little school. But there was a TV writing class just as a. fluke and i decided why not i'll take it i like tv and uh the night before i was supposed to turn in a script i didn't have a script and i just took a bunch of caffeine pills stayed up all night long wrote a cheers script read it the next day people laughed and i was like this is cool i like this

i like this and then uh they had something hooked up with warner brothers and they sent my script to warner brothers and i got picked to go out there for two weeks so i was working for um tony cornheiser the ESPN PTI, he had a radio show in D.C. I was working for him, and I said, look, I got to go for two weeks to L.A. to check out this TV stuff. I got picked for this contest. So I went out to this show, Room for Two with Linda Lavin and Patricia Heaton, and I just hung out with the writers, got a couple jokes in.

They said, you should do this. No guarantees. I went back, saved up like two grand, got my car, drove out here, knew a guy that worked at a foot locker in Orange County. I slept on his couch. Did some extra work on 90210 and some other stuff just to make some money when I got here. Got a job as a PA and as a writer with the writers. And next thing I knew, I got my first job the next year.

So just hustled a little bit. Which was? On our own with a comedian named Ralph Harris and this family called the Smollett family. There was a bunch of them that were actually related. So they played brothers and sisters on the show. There's like seven or eight of them or something. And the thing was it was one of those TGIF shows, you know, like Family Matters and those shows that were on ABC on Friday nights, you know, real family-oriented shows. And the premise was about as stock as you could get for a sitcom.

Their parents had died and their older brother, played by Ralph Harris, had to dress up like their aunt so they could all stay together. And of course, the guy that's in charge of like social services, he's in love with him when he dresses up like the aunt. there's a lot of jokes like that and it was just it wasn't great it wasn't great but uh i remember the first day i said why can't he dress up like the uncle and they were all like shh hey man you're gonna fuck up the whole show don't say that so yeah that was the first one it lasted a season it lasted one season and uh then i went to family matters with old urkel after that for a couple seasons and then i did that uh built the last we talked about wow so you got here what year now you're 93.

I moved out here in 93. Four years before I got here. Yeah. You're in here 24 years now. Yeah. Yeah. You blink an eye and it's like, good Lord, how long I've been in. You know, been here fucking life.

Yeah, it's crazy. You know, you start to think about, you know, Jesus. You know, you think about yourself from one place. And then all of a sudden you look up and you're like, I've been here longer than there. You know, it's crazy. Mine fucking flies, man. It does. It does.

I still remember reading. I don't know. if you remember this, remember they tried to turn the Tony Cornheiser show into a TV show. Absolutely, yeah. And I went in to read for something in that TV show. They did it for a little bit with Jason Alexander. Yeah.

Called Listen Up. Something. They did something. I still remember reading and going, who the fuck is Tony Cornheiser? Yeah. I'm not a big sports radio guy. Yeah. But they were telling me at the audition.

Yeah, they gave him a show. And I'm like, what the fuck? So. Yeah, it was funny because I was doing yesterday at the time. And they took us off the schedule. They didn't have us on the fall schedule. And they put his show in our slot. So I called them up on the air

And I said, hey, motherfucker I said, look, you hold a grudge, man I left your show And 15 years later You gotta come take my slot, you know He was laughing about that Now, yes dear was the guy from Boston Anthony Clark

Anthony Clark Yeah You had Gardell on there Gardell came on there a bunch A bunch Because it was a time where like Before yes dear I was having all these meetings

With comedians that had deals And I met with Gardell And I just had a great time At the meeting We didn't do anything I mean, but I was meeting with like Mitch Hedberg and Joe Rogan and all these people. I'd have these great meetings and then nothing would come out of it. But I remember Gardell just made me laugh like shit.

They all did. But so I look up in the audience one day yesterday and he's there because his buddy's doing like a one, two line thing on the show. And I see him again. I'm like, man, we got to get you on here. And then he ended up doing like 30 episodes or something. That's right. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm a Billy on there. There was, like talking about watching sitcoms after school. Yes, dear. I think I might have been in middle school or high school. that was huge like that was my like 3 p.m. TBS it was yes dear it was king of queens

yeah it was I think it was everybody that was Raymond it seems like in the last like 10 years or so I don't know how long sitcoms have like they kind of get a bad rap and I don't know they're like just thinking about it ever since you come home from school that's what it is it's like it's sitcoms you know look the thing is like there's a different

there's so many people out there there's different audiences for different shows so like the people that give like four camera sitcoms a bad rap They don't like them. That's fine, you know. But I'll talk to people that run into me and they'll go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that show. Yes, Dear. And my name is Earl.

I don't care for that one, you know, but yes, dear is the one. And then you took me to other people and other people. It flips, you know, so a lot of people out there, you know. So, but definitely four camera shows. They get a bad rap, but that's because most of the people that write about that stuff doesn't like those. And it was, I don't know, because I was watching them and they were in syndication. So, like, TBS, I think, ran them in order a little bit, but not really.

so I like I got to watch it got to be like I don't know like they were you seem to do shows where they're not always like the the jockey like really like like in yesterday it's a nerdy guy and a loser living in a pool house yeah like like like both like I kind of relate more to the nerdy guy a little bit but everyone wants

like all the nerds want to be the cool guy in the pool house so it was just like looking when I saw that you did that show and then family man like it's just it's uh you look when you look back at those shows now for me at least It's like I think of childhood. Even though it's like I didn't watch yesterday as it was airing. I watched it later on.

But it was, it means childhood to me. It's like TV like I don't know. It's all these nerds. I think TV means a lot more than just a TV show. It means a lot to me. Why do you think when I go pitch? I always try to pitch it with a 70s team.

Yeah. I fucking page with a. You just get, you know, that's the time for you, you know, just like you come home from school. That's your break.

These people are influencing your lives. I pitch with a 70s theme and people, look at me especially now that everybody's remaking shit yeah I'm like guys this is the way to fucking pitch yeah I want a pitch family affair that's what Sebastian Cabot and the fucking good looking dude yeah yeah Buffy and Jody and Jody yeah I've been dying every pitch that but 30 fucking years everybody's they nobody wants to fucking do it no that's the show that's the show but then then they no they did they

we did the odd couple right CBS did the odd couple no that did not work then somebody did the other one we discussed Which one? Port Chimavetti's father ABC tried their crack on it Yeah, yeah Because I went in for the fucking uncle

That's right About this had to be still Jeff Gettler was my manager So it had to be fucking 17 They tried family affair at one point too No they did Yeah they did I'm telling you they did You can look it up

They did it on when Warner Brothers had a network I think Yeah they didn't do a good job of it No because they got to do it for 2017 Yeah. Sebastian Cabot is a fucking English guy. They ain't no English people left living in your houses. They're Mexican. Exactly.

That's why I come in. You follow him? I'm saying, I'm the Sebastian Cabot dude because the dude is supposed to be a fucking hot single bachelor. Let's make him a hot single fucking bachelor. And I'm the guy that takes care of his house when he's away. I smoke dope. I drive his car. You know what I'm saying?

I make sure nobody breaks in. Yeah. This guy travels the world, a CEO. for something. It could be the dude from sons of anarchy. I don't give a fuck. And I'm the all of a sudden his three nieces show up. The family house, whatever. Yeah. It was like the three. And all the kids showed up

one after the other. If you watch the pilot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't come together, right? No, they didn't come together. It was like one came at two in the afternoon. The other one showed at 6.30 and the other one showed the following morning. Really? I mean, so that's at any age. Yeah. Any fucking age.

You know, I don't even want to get rehooked. And I love Lucy. It took me, it was worst in Getting off I Love Lucy. It's worse than Coke. Once you get into I Love Lucy's, like I don't even fuck with those things no more. I'm done. For a long time, I was proud, Ricky Ricardo, I'm Cuban.

I can't do it. Yeah. Because I actually go back. The other night I watched the honeymoon. I watched the honeymooners every Saturday night, Sunday night at 11 on Channel 20, that we channel that has hope of zero. Yeah, I just recorded a bunch of Andy Griffiths.

I'm going to watch with my 10-year-old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got everything. Columbo, Night Storm. that Cochak, they got everything on there. You just got to get, they even have rap patrol. Yeah. No, they even had a couple months ago, they had, like they ran the Wild Wild West, F troop.

Yeah. I'm always curious when I watch it with my kids, too, like what'll hit and what won't, because it's such, like we were saying, it's so formidable years for us, you know, it just gets in there, you know. There's something about those years. I mean, I'm a big 70s guy, too, you know. As soon as I had a little bit of money, first thing I did was buy a smoking the band Trans Am, you know?

It was like, that was the coolest car I've ever seen in my life watching those movies, and I had to have the damn thing. But now, you know, then my kids look at me like, what the fuck is? What is that car over there? You know, but there's something about those early years that just stuck things in your head? Remember when people used to turn you on to black and white shit and you tell them to go fuck me? Like, when I was a kid, you showed me something black and white thing, go fuck you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, what is this?

I'm telling you, it's a classic. It's, uh, what's the one with the fucking long show? with Marlon Brando. Oh, yeah. I'll never forget this guy trying to sell it to me. And I'm like, listen, I'm not watching that fucking black and white movie.

He's like, it's Marlon Brando. It's on the waterfront. I don't give a fuck. Put color TV on, okay? Like, I refuse that one age. That's funny. And I'll tell you what made me switch, the Twilight Zone.

Oh, yeah? Because once you get hooked on the Twilight Zone, you know, the Twilight Zone, you get hooked on those, you're like, I might as well fucking watch. Like, that's a show that you can't remake. Oh, absolutely. They tried if somebody died

just as to kiss a death. somebody did somebody die on the set oh yeah yeah yeah they tried they can don't fuck with that show yeah it's just too much it's just and and the excitement of being something different every week too that show which was which was great you'd watch that uh you've seen that black mirror it's like an hour twilight zone it's on netflix it's crazy i think my wife watch it's good it's good and it's like twilight zone it's just weird shit that happens except it's an hour and you know it's more uh you know it's updated now but but uh it's good it's good you should you check that out.

Now, I didn't know who Greg Garcia was. I don't know Dick about Dick. I'm just a comedian who goes out every night, gets on stage as much as he can, and I'm doing Blow, and I'm trying to survive, you know what I'm saying? You know what made me, another thing that made me quit doing Blow?

That last episode with Tim Stacks, Tim Stacks. Set him on fire. Set him on fire. Watch him burn, dude. Tim Stack, Tim Stack. Set him on fire. Well, if you watch that, my tooth is black. Okay.

And people always go to me, man, you're brilliant. You made your tooth black. I go, no, isn't that fucking brilliant. That was the cocaine starting to come through the enamel. Oh, shit. I went to a dentist two weeks later, and he fixed it. Yeah. But that's how crazy.

Like, I was the last, I think I quit doing coke. Yeah, 10 years ago. But I didn't know nothing about nothing. And one night I couldn't find the remote control. And it was an episode of My Name is Roe with John Leguizamo, with Mexican. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm fucking dying. I left that house going, who the fuck does these things?

was anymore that was how you that was how I found love with with Greg Garcia that was the episode him and three other Mexicans oh yeah he was crazy oh you also had the guy from Santa Anakees that episode oh yeah yeah yeah yeah you had rockos tacos yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah uh you know yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm blanking on his name me too the guy that's got the taco places oh Danny Trejo yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I was

like this is fucking crazy this is crazy yeah that was It was nuts. What is NBC doing? Like, NBC's really fucking, because it wasn't about that time. I've been telling people this, nobody remembers. You're going to remember, Greg Garcia. What was the show NBC tried to push one day about Jesus on Vicodontance? Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. What was that called? That shit lasted three episodes. Yeah. And somebody was, they tied up the executive who greenlit that. Yeah. Just giving them back hands, Lee. Oh, that was a lot of.

big miss but yeah i remember jesus on viking and he had a daughter and he was traveling across the country yeah oh my godly this was what i read about it because i think i went in to read for it i read for the pilot and i go this is not yeah i had thought about that that didn't that didn't last long there was no cable back then there was no like big cable no no so i'm like this is not getting picked up on mbc yeah and i remember even like if when i go to auditions i'll like log four pages. I'll log a page and go, my name is Earl for the part of Vinny,

callback, and I'll never forget that they released the pilots, and I even got the notebook to see if that pilot, I go, they picked it up. Oh, my God, I fucked up. I was like, I thought, and then it lasted after the first

episode, a bunch of fucking Christians went nuts. Oh, yeah. Midwest. I can't even imagine. They went nuts in the Midwest, that episode two, he did something even crazy, cop Coke. Yeah. And they really pushed that.

Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. Even when we, so when we came along to do Earl, like they didn't have anything, you know, crazy. We were doing stuff that they hadn't done either, which was cool. They had the office, but nobody was watching the office yet,

but they had the office on, and it was good. And then we brought this to him. But, you know, this sat on. That show sat on a shelf for a year half nobody wanted to do it it just sat there my name is Earl my name is Earl yeah I was doing the show yes dear and I knew I had to write something if I wanted to go work on a single camera comedy I know how people are like I wouldn't get a job on a rest of development or Malcolm in the middle or

Bernie Mac if they just look to see that I did yes dear because it's a four camera guy you know yeah yeah he did a lot of them but it's a four camera so I was like I got to write I got to write a script that's more like their shows or not like their shows but single camera little edgier what you. So I just sat down to write it. And then I was like, I like this. So I tried to sell it. Nobody would buy it. So about a month, you know, year and a half later, NBC, they have a meeting with me. They're like, hey, we read that script you wrote. My name is Earl. We'd like to do a show with you. And I was like, well, how about we do that one, man? Because they're hard to come up with. You like it. And they're like, yeah, let's take a shot. So thank God they did, you know,

but it was a long road to get that thing shot. Give me a favor, Mr. G. For me and for the people at home, I've never asked you this. What's the break down. I don't know if fucking one camera, four cameras. Oh, got you. Break it down. All right. So the four cameras, a show like sitcoms you kind of used to like King of Queens, everybody loves Raymond, it just

looks like a play. You know, there's not that happy days, whatever. That's a four camera. So basically you've got four cameras just pointing at all the actors, okay? So you don't have that fourth wall there. You know, people can't, people kind of talk sideways to each other and everything, because

it's just like you're shooting a play. And you shoot it in about four or five hours and then you're just done. Single camera, which actually you normally have two cameras, but they call it single camera looks more like a movie. So that's more like the traditional movie making. You and I are talking to each other. We're going to get your coverage. Now we're going to take 20 minutes to turn all the lights around and get my coverage.

That's single camera. That's single camera, yeah. So shows like, you know, my name is Earl, Raisin Hope that I did. But like I said, Bernie Mac, Arrested Development, those are all single camera shows. So you got to shoot those things, five days a week, 14 hours a day. So for the actors, single camera is brutal. For a multicam, that's the best schedule of you're an actor because you work about 20 hours a week and you shoot the whole show in five hours and then it's just done.

What's the fucking, what of the soap operas use? That's more like a four camera kind of thing, yeah. Because they fly. No, no, no. They fly. I tell people all the time. I book the general hospital. Look at me.

Uncle Joey book A three episode fucking thing I couldn't believe Yeah My agent called He goes hey Uh

At General Hospital called They wanted to send a reel You mind? I go sure Yeah They're gonna hire me A week later

He's like yeah They want to hire you For three episodes And I tell people If I would have got hired For that When I first moved to LA I would have got fired

Yeah I would have got fired How so? When I got to my name is Earl Somebody he greets me And they go Joey hi

My name is Penelope I'm the first AD, your call times are two, that's your trailer, lunch is over here, this, and this is a script waiting for you. You will take you to wardrobe. Then they take you to wardrobe. You come back, and the wardrobe's not ready for you. Then we'll take you to make up, and you come back, and they talk to you.

And then have you met Greg yet? No, come on, let's walk you over to the set. Greg, this is Joey. Oh, my God, I like your read. Nice to meet you, Mr. G. All right, no problem. We're going to have fun today. You know, and then you go back.

That's a usual set. Yeah. General Hospital, you pull up to that fucking ABC, you get. give them a license, they look at it, they look at you, they run you in, they tell you what's about to parking. Go to 331. It's by the fucking book. Not a long walk either.

Like there's not a lot of cars up there. It's not like a half a mile like regular lots. Yeah. You know where they shoot it, right? No. Sunset, if you go straight east. Okay. Instead of going towards Echo, you shoot up that street.

Uh-huh. That creepy street up there. That's where they shoot those. Okay. So they have like a really weird street. They used to audition a lot. a lot when I first moved here, no more, up there for different stuff. You go in, you show me ID, the lady tells you what room you're in.

You're in room 209. Okay, you walked into room 209, your wardrobe is there, your contract is on the table, there's a pen, there's a little refrigerator, a few waters, not one fucking soul comes and talks to you. There's two monitors. There's a monitor that shows you what they're shooting, and there's a monitor that tells you when to go out. Okay, that's it.

Not human interaction. Not a fucking one. It's like him with his sushi. He went to the conveyor belt sushi and shit. No human interaction. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So, but it was so weird.

Somebody finally came in and said, are you ready? Yes, okay, they'll tell you on the thing when they even come out. They'll say scene 28A and 28B upcoming 29A. You got to go out there. Yeah, you're on deck. And like, okay, if I shoot something for you and you're like, Joey, say the line, Lee, let's finish here. let's go get some fucking potato tacos, okay? If I go, Lee, let's finish it and, sorry, you don't start the line from scratch.

Yeah. Sorry, you start the line where you fucked it up. Like, it was the quickest shooting. Really? There was no drama. And do they start shooting right away? You get one to rehearse, or you just fly? You get one block.

Okay. So the camera, the TV also tells you when they go block. Okay. And once you go block, there's no like people mingling. Like, you know, on sets, I can mingle with somebody to court. No, they didn't know, everybody's in their fucking, room. Yeah.

Like, it's the end of the world. Like, the bomb just dropped. And then it says, come out. You go out there. There's final touches. I mean, it's like, bam. Like, I would get in at nine and be in the car at 10.45. Wow.

And it's one a day? One episode of day? Yeah, one episode of day. Most people have been there since, you know, most of people in that dirty fucking years. Yeah, they got it down. I would have never cut the mustard if I would have came here as a rookie. Yeah. I would have had a nervous breakdown.

Yeah. So this is, I don't really. I don't think a lot of people understand this. So if you audition for a role, right? They give it to you. You go to set. You're not doing well. They'll, like you or whoever, Greg, would go to them and be like, yeah, it's not working out.

We'll find another actor. Like, you'll just go down the list in the auditions. Like, that happens pretty regularly. I've only gotten fire one time. Yeah. My agent told me not to go back at lunchtime. Telemundo. Really?

Yeah, I went in there red. Once I got there, they said they didn't like my. Spanish. But they pay for my after, so what do I give a fuck? Yeah. I haven't replaced a lot of people. I mean, four camera shows, like I said, those things you can replace people because you don't shoot it until the end of the week. So, like, you could have a table read and if it's just not working, and I've had a situation where it's just not working with people that, like, you're excited to be there, too, like, TV icons, and it just didn't work, and you're like, shit, you know, and you got to replace it.

single camera people come in they're shooting that day you're gonna figure it out i mean you know they they auditions you saw them they're good you know if if unless you just offered it to them and they uh and then they just blowing it but you're gonna have to figure it out we've had those situations too jesus it's uh speaking of firing people i don't know i don't think you were involved but you worked on at least one show that replaced a character family matters replaced the mother didn't they and then I know you didn't work on it, but Fresh Prince of Bel Air, like, they replaced the mom. So, like, it happens where, like, the middle of a series, they'll just change the actors.

Yeah, people are pretty forgiving for that stuff. Really? I thought people were upset. I guess. I mean, I don't know. The shows still go on, so I figured they're kind of, I mean, you know, you got to, you know, bewitched and that kind of stuff where they switched the Darren's and all that thing. So it feels like, you know, they can still survive it sometimes. We really don't know what's going on behind the scenes either. It could be money. could be someone's just a pain in the ass.

Somebody's a fucking pain in the ass, you know? I can't live my life no matter what status. Like, I just read an article about Mariah Carey on some movie. Yeah, I heard about that. Did you hear about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that, shit, what movie was that? The one with Will Ferrell and Amy Polar, House. They hired her.

Gambling movie, yeah. She got in, and then she didn't want to sing that song that day. Yeah, she just made up, yeah, she wanted to do something completely different. My fucking people are crazy. Yeah, I couldn't deal with that at all. Yeah, I can't. And I know there's a lot of personalities involved in shooting a film or TV, TV, even more, because you got upstairs watching your every fucking move.

But I can't deal with that diva. I've never really seen it like that. I've been lucky. I haven't seen it too much, a little bit here and there. But yeah, you just, life's too short. man to put up with that shit you know i mean i don't i kind of get the feeling that people say sometimes like oh money changed have success changed that person i i always kind of thought that it just lets you be who you really are like the people that are divas they would have been like that

before if they could have got away with it i mean that's that's that's my philosophy on it i could be wrong but uh it's just life's too short you know it's funny you said uh you said smoking the man that when I cast on the longest yard seeing him was like everything I don't know if you understand like in the 70s

he was everything oh please you know the other night oh my godly I didn't tell you I usually end the shows on Saturday nights and I'm one of these wackadoos I take the first flight out Mr. G I got no time at 10 a.m. or 2 o'clock

those are the delayed ones next night when you're on the 4.05 and 4 go fuck yourself. Take the first flight out. You land at 8.45 and you can sleep three or four hours. Absolutely. Do you know what happened the end of that? I fucking got home Saturday night.

And guess it was on All-American Classics. Fucking the getaway with Steve McQueen. Now, you know, for some people, I don't know if you even don't know who the fuck Steve McQueen is. Guess what? I forgot, too. I forgot till I laid on the bed and started watching them and going, look at this motherfucker with a gun.

They were in the... Have you ever seen that movie? original. They're already in the dumpster, and they're talking about her fucking the dude. And she's like, we can move forward if you'll just let it go. I chose you.

And he's looking at his fucking, that cannon of a gun that he had. He had a fucking cannon. And he's like, okay, and he grabs that, you know, we forget. Like, you just fucking fight. I was sitting there going, look at this. This is what Lee has to watch.

Yeah. You know, he grabbed the hand. They walked out of the dumpster. They fucking get to the hotel. They check him. but they're laying down. They're about to fuck. You know, they did the class act

because Alex Baldwin and his wife, they fucked and they showed a pussy and shit. Not Steve McQueen. Steve McQueen is not fucking Ali McGraw on camera and shit. He beat the fuck out of him in the middle of the movie, but he wouldn't fuck about camera. But he got up and he goes, you know what?

That dude is a fucking whino. That dude, his family's always around him because if not he fucking he drinks or he's a gambler. Something's not right. That's why he got up with the gun and then the guy that looks like me, That guy that played Salazzo. People always told me when I was a kid, that guy looks like you.

Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Uh-uh. I don't know that one. He played Salato and he played in the getaway. Okay. He's in the getaway. See if you got a scene from the getaway.

Yeah, fine that. And when I was a kid, people would always tell me I look like this guy. Yeah. He played Salazzo and the Godfather. And I forget what that fucking guy's name is in the getaway. But I watch Steve McQueen. I watched his acting and shit. He was fucking great.

Yeah. He was great. What was your experience with Bert? Al-Latirche? Huh? I'm sorry, Al-Laturche? Yes. What was your experience with Bert on the longest yard when he was there and you were working and like, you know.

Overall? Yeah. Overall, it was heavenly. Yeah. Overall, it brought tears to minds at times. You know, like Lee was saying everybody, everybody gets, you know, everybody feels the same about the people they grew up with. Yeah, absolutely. Because he did a my name is Earl, Bert Remedy.

What'd you think? Well, Jason Lee and I, we're big fans, you know. Okay, everybody is. Everybody is. And we bonded over that when our first meeting. So we were like, man, we had this strip club called Chubbies. And it was supposedly, you know, and we said it's owned by a guy named Chubby, right? And he owned everything in town.

And he was like this mythical character. And we're like, well, we want to do an episode with Chubby, but who's going to play him? And we said, what about Bert Reynolds? And Jason was like, man, what if, what if it's not good? You know, we have this image of him. He's our hero. What if it turns bad, you know, because you hear stories about Bert Reynolds. I mean, he doesn't really take any shit.

And we're like, I was like, yeah, but we got to do it. We got to do it. So we put an offer out, and sure enough, he said he'd come through it. So we had him for three days. First day he came in, man, was it amazing? Just talking to him, sitting. He never left the set. We talked about stories.

He told me about deliverance and Hooper and smoking the bandit and everything. And I'm asking him, like, why did you look into the camera at that one point? And he's telling me how Marlon Brando. told him he loved that part and all these great stories. It was amazing. Best day of my life. When he went to audition with that fucking dude and the guy brought a gun when he was his roommate. The dude was

his roommate in New York and he took him to the audition. The guy was in the movie with the fucking bowling movie. Not the other one, the one Will Farrell did. He's older. Well, him and Bert Reynolds were roommates and they went to an audition on Broadway for Eli Kazan. And the other guy

brought a piece in and he pulled it on Eli Kazan. And then the story when Clint East would call them and said, we're going to go piss on that producer's grave that fired us. Oh, yeah? And they took motorcycles and they pissed on his grave. You know, just, he's crazy. No, what about when he showed up with Dom De Louise?

Who shows up with Dom De Louise, dog, with groceries to cook? Okay, you know what I'm saying? With a grill. He showed up on the 50-yard line on the longest yard. That's funny. He showed up with Dom DeLuiz, arguing, still fucking throwing, you know. They showed up. He had groceries.

they cooked. I got something in the house you might like. Oh my God. I got something at the house that you're really going to like. He, uh, so it was great, man. Second day, he sat there and he told me the same stories. Oh, yeah. Who gives us? Yeah, I loved it. I loved it. And then the third day, he was in a little bit of a mood. And he had a scene where he had to slap one of the actors, Ethan Soplee. And, uh, we're just blocking it. We're just blocking it. No cameras are even around. And it gets to that point and he's slapsed. He slaps him right in the face. Hard. Hard. And I was like, oh, shit. So then we rehearsed it one more time. Hard. Just slapped him. Hard. I'm like, all right. I said, Ethan, you want me say something to him? He goes, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not telling Bert Reynolds to pull a punch. No, I'm not a pussy. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. I said, all right. So then we're not even getting his coverage. Every time he's slapping him. Finally, I felt so bad I went over to Ethan. I said, I'm going to give you $50 from now on every time he slaps you. And after we were done shooting the scene I gave Ethan $950.

And he had a mark on his face that didn't go away for two days. And it's just Bert doesn't play around. Did you say he did it to me in the longest yard? There's one scene in the longest yard. He actually fires out on me. I could do it today. But at that

time, I was 400 fucking pounds. I couldn't breathe. He almost killed me. He was still strong. Yeah. Like, he was still strong. Don't ever fucking, like, when he did the longest shot, he was messing around with us. Yeah. And he was still a mule. I was terrified of him.

I didn't fuck with him. He'd do something, and I go, yeah, that's good, man. Go ahead. And then I'll be like, we're not going to use that. But, you know, I think that he, I think he got a reputation. And then he saw himself in a few pinches. And he really was very humble with us. Yeah.

Honest to God. I mean, my, my people, what did you really like about the longest shot? Our mornings. Our mornings. Well, that had to be a fun set. I'd be on my trailer. And he had the last trailer. But I think he liked the cold air like I like it.

And I would go outside and I'd see him and we'd meet like in the middle. And we'd just talk about yesterday's scene and blah blah blah blah. You were funny. Yeah, you were funny too. That's fucking crazy, whatever. And that was it. Yeah. There was no, I didn't ask him for a picture.

Like, I have nothing with him. Yeah. I think Goldberg took a picture of us and he signed it for us. And he gave me a copy of his one-man show. Okay. Which I got in the safe. Yeah. Sammy, you gotta watch this one-man show from Vegas.

Oh, I bet it's amazing. And this is taped by a friend of his. Like, when he gave it to me, he's like, never give this to nobody. Yeah. This is for you. Because we were talking about one-man shows. Yeah.

And he's talking about some wild shit up to him. He's killing. Talk about watching things with your kids. My 17-year-old, that's his favorite movie, the longest yard. By far, his favorite movie. The original? No, no, no, no. No, yours.

Really? And then I sit down with him after he watched. I go, I go, I want to show you the original. Couldn't get through 10 minutes of it. You know? I don't know if it was the pacing of it or whatever, but it just was not,

it wouldn't live up to it. What do you think that is? I mean, what? I don't know. It kills me. It kills me sometimes when I show somebody something, and I know that, like Lee's a little younger, and they may not be enjoying it,

it's not that pace. I could see, like, the old Westerns are not, even the old Clint Eastwoods. They're not real. No, exactly. No, you sit down and you're like, all right, I like it for nostalgia and everything else, but it doesn't have the pace these shows have today.

Things fly today. Do you think your son would have liked it more had he not seen the newer version? I think once it gets in your brain and you've identified it, and because he liked it so much, you know, it was just like, why is this, why is this trying to be what I just watched? You know, that's in his mind. That's what he's thinking. I watched the original in the movie theater.

Yeah. And that last 30 minutes, the whole theater went on their feet. Oh, yeah. I watched that at the same. theater where I watched Rocky, where I watched Tommy, where I watched The Exorcist, where I saw Anthony Drag, and that was my own Union City Cinema, 48th Street, 300 seats. Yeah. For the longest yard, you left there, people were sweating from cheer.

Fantastic. Unbelievable. I think I broke his fucking nose. Yeah. Yeah. Just crazy. Yeah. I remember Rocky.

I was probably five years old when I went to see Rocky. My father took me because my father was real into boxing and we'd listen to boxing. on the radio or wherever we could always see it and watch it but uh went to uh went to see rocky and i just walked out of there five years old it blew my mind blew my mind i mean it just i you know i felt like five years old i thought i could conquer the world you know it was it was amazing it's amazing i used to love going to my mother took me to harold and maud you ever see that movie yes yes that's i was probably seven years old going to see harold and maud it's like all demented and weird and strange and but i thank god she took me to that stuff man you know that was that was a

that was a good movie that was a good movie I went to see I think the weirdest movie my godfather used to take me to the movies every other Saturday and we go right to 42nd Street and we walk on the decent movie side he wouldn't take me to the far

that was all triple X we stayed on this side the family side got you and we would just pick the weirdest things and I still remember going to see the first movie ever that fucking destroyed me when I came from Cuba was Her Majesty Secret Service.

It's the first James Bond. I don't know that one. Nobody knows that one. Yeah. They hid that one. That's got Kojack in it, Diana Rig, and George Lazenby played James Bond. All right.

It was all to do with skiing and all that shit. But I went to see the Stone Killer. Like those are the movies out. Like he'd go, pick a movie. Like, I went to see one kid movie with him. Yeah. The Love Bug. Yeah.

And once he told me that that wasn't, the case. I can pick whatever I wanted to. I think I went to see the World Strongest Man with Jan Michael Vincent. Okay, yeah, Disney. I went to see that with him. But then something happened. He was like, pick a movie. We went to see Stone Killer. I would go see all those

crazy fucking movies. Yeah. Once you know that stuff's out there. Oh, Death Wish. Yeah. I was a Charles The first Bronson was Volachi Pipps. Let's get the fuck. That's the one I went to see. I went home and asked about the mafia. What's this shit? The Mafia? And they wouldn't tell me.

Oh shit. Yeah, it's fun. Like my, you know, again, like with my kids, I see them watch, like, the first time they get to watch, like, an adult movie, you know, show or something. You know, they've been watching, like, just kids shows, kid shows. And then, like, it's funny because I think one of the first ones my son watched was breaking bad. I was like, you got to check this out, check this out, you know. Because he watched, what did he watch? Under the Dome.

He watched that. And it was a network show, but he was just like, man, all this stuff, crazy stuff's happening. And blah, blah. I'm like, buddy, you have no idea. I said, watch Breaking Bad. And he just comes out of the room like, oh, my God, this is, are you kidding me? This is crazy, you know, and then just starts watching all. It's fun to watch them discover that stuff.

What movies have you tried to show them that they've said, that? What the fuck? We got to go. I'm trying to. We got to go, though. I'm trying to. And don't show this to us ever again. I'm trying to.

Yeah, well, you mentioned like, I took my kid, I took my 10-year-old to Smoking the Bandit. They were playing it on the big screen. So I took him to see that. He's very polite. I'm not so sure he loved it, but he said he liked it. But then I've tried to show him like Clint Eastwood, any which way but loose, any which way you can. You know, those movies, they can't make it. They can't.

They can't do it. Even like Cannonball Run, like all those movies I love. How fucking good is Cannonball? Love it. Is that the one when they, don't they get pulled off by cops and Sammy Davis Jr. and Dean Martin? Come on. Is that the one?

They start dancing this shit. I mean, it's insane. It's just nuts. And Dom De Louise is Captain Chaos. Yeah. Yeah, that's the one. That's the one. And you could tell they were just having a blast.

A blast. Yeah. I mean, when they started to let Hal Needham, the stunt coordinator, he started directing those movies, you know. And they were just going nuts. They were just having a blast. They had the money. Bert Reynolds was the name that was getting everything made and they were just all

buddies and they were going out and having fun. And you can tell. When Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr. Come out of that car dressed as priest. Aren't there something fucking crazy? Yeah. It is fucking crazy. You could tell unless you're a retard that they are fucking hammed.

Yeah. Hammond. Absolutely. They were hammond. They were like laughing. Like, ah, we're getting 20,000. Ah! Can you believe this?

We're dressed up like priest and we've been here since 8 in the morning drinking. and now they want to they would pull up in a limbo we're fucking that that's you could tell how much fun they were having you're absolutely right yeah there was another one they made like that not cannonball run

what was the other spoof like that they made something about Harry an Asian one I don't know I know Jackie Chan was in Cannonball Run they had a couple of them one of them they had an elephant

in the back of a ambulance the whole time Dom Deloise was taking care of it or something You look back, it was crazy, but they were having a blast. You know, and for those movies, to do that type of stuff, the studio can't be around. No. Like, they had to shoot those, like, listen, we're going to shoot this movie in Chicago. Well, we'll send somebody out there on the third week to see how you're doing.

Because with the studio around, they can't have that type of fun. No. Once the head seats, those two have them, we cannot put them on a tape. Yeah. We got this. You got to get it, especially now. It's just one take, one take. One take.

we're going to get the light here that's the secret you got to get it that's what i did with with earl and raising hope i went as far out you know i went to you know you go to van eyes you get out there between two trailer parks there's no secured parking people are scared to come out there all of a sudden you're all by yourself you do whatever you want this new one i went up to the mountains we're like three hours up uh the five to the mountains nobody showed up up there nobody wants to drive up to the mountains so yeah that's the move that's the move you get out of town i learned that when i shut the long i shut the long time i learned that when i shut the long as shard the first eight weeks in New Mexico, you should have seen it. They had umbrella girls. They went to Albuquerque and pulled up strippers and told me, you want a day job? 200 a day, three, four hours, one of the umbrella holding it for the players.

We came up to Orange County. It was no more umbrella girls. There was no more smoothies. There was no more weights on the set. The hammer went down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me give some shout out to you. Let's this party started. Jennifer Jones, a true fucking artist.

This girl does stand-up. She paints walls. She does murals. She's like, you know, her and her husband, I've met him going to San Francisco a few times. And every time on her Twitter feed, that's all she's got, this pretty stuff. So, Jennifer Jones,

I'll see you August 12th at Punchline. Emma Hagan, Dead Squad, M-U-F-C, Brian McCann, Zan Marino, Aaron Giesbreit, Susie Cream Cheese, Cameron Sandmeyer, Joe Cunningham, and CAR-94. And for all the other guys that have been supporting us for the last five years,

thank you very much. That's it. We just give him a little shout out. Absolutely. Why not? Just to make him feel at home and this whole fucking thing. Before you created, my name is Earl, what was, what were you thinking about? You wondered.

Like, what did you base it on? Like, I've always wondered. You know. He's a guy that. fucked up for years now he's apologizing for everything he did you know i had uh i always like shows about redemption i believed in karma somewhat you know like whether or not whether or not you believe in karma like as a magical thing or you just believe like if you just do good stuff well you feel good about it and good then good things happen to you whatever but i always kind of believed in karma

i wasn't religious brought up catholic but that went away pretty quickly and but but i always kind I felt like, all right, you treat people good, good shit happens, whatever. And I just went walking on the beach in North Carolina, and I just started trying to think of an idea. Now, I had an uncle who, he would always go through AA and would always get to the step to, you know, go make amends and everything. And that's about as far as it got. And then he started over at one again and just keep going and going and going.

But so that was in my head somewhat, you know. I had some other people in my life that were similar to Jamie Presley. You know, I used to hang out with my buddy at a trailer park in Virginia. And my life growing up, I ran the gamut. Like I had buddies that were living over in country, literally named Country Club Hills, and then I had buddies in the trailer park. And I was kind of in the middle. And I'd go back and forth and everybody would hang out together.

But when I was at the trailer park, I liked it, you know. I just liked the characters. I liked walking around there in the middle of the day. I was fascinated by the fact. I'm like, why isn't anybody working? How come everybody in this place has a bigger TV than in my house? My house doesn't have wheels on it. What's going on over here?

Then you open up a door and there's just a whole room full of weed growing. And it was just, it was just, I loved it. I loved the characters of it, you know. And so I think the combination of all those things when I was walking on that beach, I just started thinking about this guy and that he, you know, maybe he did these bad things and how is he going to make up for it? And he's going to have this epiphany and whatever. And I kept going over my brother-in-law.

And he was just drinking beers on the beach all day. And I'd run over. I go, oh, what about this? You know, and I tell to him, and he'd laugh. And then I go, all right, I'm going to go walk some more. And I come back and he'd drunk her and I tell him some more and he's laughing. And by the end of the day, I kind of had the idea, you know? I'm like, all right, well, let me sit down and write this and see if it works.

And I always knew that, like, a show about redemption, people love redemption, you know, and they should, you know. People, anybody trying to turn their life around, you root for them. No matter where they were, no matter what they did, for the most part, unless they did something really heinous to you, you know, you root for them. You want to see that. And so that made it easy, I think, to like this guy. And you could have the fun of seeing him do a bunch of bad shit, but it was always in the past. So when you're watching him do bad stuff, you know, well, this dude is trying to turn over a new leaf. So now you can laugh at it, you know, as opposed to you're just watching them in present day doing this stuff.

Oh, should I be laughing at this? Do I feel guilty about it? What have you. So that's how, you know, that's how pretty much I came up with it. The world of fucking characters, bro. Yeah, that's the fun part. The world of characters. And like my dilemma, when I write is I got too many of these motherfuckers.

Like I had your dilemma. When I came from Cuba, my dad died, my mom had money. We had the book making operation. And then she had the bar restaurant. Serbia thought she was a restauranteer. Yeah. But really, the bulk was numbers, Cuban numbers, three numbers. That was her money.

All right. So I lived on 205 West 88th Street, but nice. white people. We do santa rea shit. We had to sneak the chickens out the back door. I'll never forget sneaking a goat up to the elevator one time and the goat didn't want to get on the elevator and he had the brakes on and my mom's

pulled them by the horns and I'm like four going, oh my God. Then I went to the dentist one time and the dentist lied to me in the building. There was a dentist upstairs. Yeah. With the thing and everything, my mom brought me upstairs, went downstairs. He fucking

kept telling me that wasn't blood. I'm not stupid. I could taste blood. So on the way out, I stole the ivory elephant. My mom made me bring it up and shit. This building was crazy. Was it an office or an apartment that you had just with a chair? This is still there.

205 West 88. It's still there. People will send me pictures. Once I say that's, when I came from Cuba, we lived in Jersey for maybe six months. And then once my dad died, my mom didn't like Jersey. She went right back to New York City where she belonged. So this was a very, on the corner, it was owned by, The kid, some fucking ugly kid that was on Dark Shadows,

his parents hold the camera stop in the corner, and he would hang out in there, which my head would blow up. Yeah, he's your Jenny Piccolo. Yeah, he was my Jenny Piccolo. What's going on? He owned the camera store on the fucking corner. The girl I grew up with, the Chinese girl that we'd hold hands and kindergarten, her father was the chief dude for Shulton those days.

Okay. So every time Charlie Brown came out with a new movies, her and I went to the fucking movie theater on the east side like doctors. People were on their feet and shit, bowing. But my godmother, my Santa Ria godmother, was on 148th Street in Broadway. And that was the neighborhood. Yeah. They did another slope.

The first day I went there, they showed me a dead body. The kids were like, you want to see a body? Like, you know, what? What? What do you meant, like six Puerto Ricans and three Irish kids, and we went down there, and they had a piece of two by four, and there was flies everywhere. And you could smell the thing 20 feet away. You know how now you see TV shows

And people like take a body to have masks? These kids had no mask Yeah They were as tough as death Now were you scared or were you instantly interested I was instantly interested Yeah Because I knew that the other side of my mom's bar

I had saw these characters at my mom's bar So wait a second You guys know where there's a body Yeah it's on the west side Iowa Yeah you know The CSI didn't work that quick those days I don't know what the fuck happened And then we went one day that wasn't there anymore.

Yeah. You know, I didn't hear about it, the news or nothing. Yeah. It was just a body that somebody dumped on the highway. And it had flies on and they put a two, like a four by eight on it. But after you go to some kid's house. Yeah. And they show you that.

So I wanted to go to my godmother's house as much as I took. Yeah, dead body is trialed by fire. That's big, like I dip my toe in it and I was nervous. But there was no dead body. I remember the first time I went down to this kid's house and he said he's going to have a sleepover. and, you know, I'm thinking, oh, sleep over, okay, you know, we're in like fifth grade or something like that, sixth grade. I'm like, oh, okay, maybe we'll watch some movies. Mom will pop some popcorn and whatever, and my mom drops me off.

And there's like eight kids in there, and it's like, mayhem already. I'm like, where's this guy's parents, you know, and then his mom comes down. She's drinking a beer, smoking a joint. She says, I'm going out. I got a date. I'll see all tomorrow. She's gone. And I'm like, what the hell is going on?

Then all the playboys get out. Everybody's looking at playboys, starting to drink. and it got to be about 11.30 at night and everybody was getting up and I said, where is everybody going? And I said, we're going to go to the lawnmower shop. We're going to hop over the fence. We're going to steal some engines.

And tomorrow we're going to make go-carts with that thing. I said, I'm going to go to the bath. I'm going to call my mother. I said, you got to come pick me up. This is crazy over here. And she came and got me. I left. I couldn't handle that one.

So dead body, I would have shit myself. I've never felt more connected to any guests than you right now. Because Joey tells all these stories as a kid Like that Like that sounds like Joey's childhood And then he's just like what No one else Like he looks at me like I'm crazy

I know He told the dead by I said Am I really gonna tell a story About pushing out over some lawmower engines I would have pushed out I wouldn't even Oh my God Drinking a beer in fifth grade

Are you serious Like I like I drank soda That's all Like I can't even imagine a beer in fifth grade So Oh I didn't drink in the fifth grade. I wouldn't even consider drinking on the fifth grade.

I fucking hated all that shit. Yeah. In the fifth grade, I was throwing to giggling and, you know. My problem was in the, I think it was in the seventh grade. I went to a family party and I had a beer or two and it just, that's all you needed. You know, I was, what, 60 pounds or something? Oh, my God. And then we went to a football game and I was drunk.

And this girl I had a crush on, she said, you're cute when you're drunk. Well, that was the end of that. I mean, shit. I'm like, well, I need more of this, apparently. You know, yeah. But, yeah, seventh grade, that's early. That's fucking early. Yeah.

I'm a bit early. I think I smoked pot in the seventh grade. I think I smoked potten. But none of my friend's moms got high. Like that, that, I never saw that. I'd never seen that. That blew my mind. That blew my mind.

It blew my, like my mom smoked, but she didn't smoke. on the open. Yeah. She didn't smoke how people smoked now. Like, my friends never saw a smoke or nothing like that. My mom smoked at the bar in the back manager's room at night. She'd smoke back there, but no, not the way it is today. Yeah. And I'd shit my pants every time she'd smoke. That the cops were going to come. Like, I was one of those little fucking bags. Like, the cops are going to come. You know, the cops are going to come. I was such a scary cat kid. I remember her smoking cigarettes in the taxi cab and throwing them on the floor and stepping on them. Be going to This cab is going to blow up. Yeah. Like that's when they had rubber. There was no carpet in those fucking New York cabs. People getting fucking stabbed in those things. There's not going to be a carpet back there.

She needed a car like my grandparents that had a hole in the back seat. So you just, I loved it. You look down and see the street. They'd just, you'd be jumping around back there. They'd say, don't put your foot in a hole. And just, just street. You just see street. That'd be good for us.

She'd just sort of butts right out there. Oh, my God. I had a friend who had a hole, too. Yeah. And he had to put a piece of metal on there. Is that rust? It must be, yeah. But they didn't put any metal on it.

They just said, don't put your foot in a hole. We used to love taking that car. Now, you're always working on something, right? Yeah, I'm trying to, you know. You're always riding. Like, you're the last of the real deal. You get up every morning and write something. I try to, yeah, even this show that I'm doing now that's getting ready to premiere,

they haven't even ordered a second season. I've written two or three scripts because I'm just like, well, maybe they will, so I'm going to write them. And then if they don't use them, I'll use those stories for something else. but uh and i wrote this i told you i wrote this broadway musical right that's right for jimmy buffett yeah jimmy buffett which is crazy michael mallee who was on yes dear who was a writer he called me one day he says you want to write a broadway musical and i was like what are you talking about man we don't know how to do that he goes i will figure it out and he goes listen that's all the the money's there the producers

are there uh jimmy buffett it's his music jimmy buffett like my name is earl so he wants you to be a part of it and you'll write it with me and we'll just come up with a story and we'll write it And I was like, all right. Well, I mean, I can't say no. I got a 19-year-old who's a theater major who loves, you know, musical theater and everything. I've got to look cool to him. Got to make some contacts for him, you know. So we went ahead and did it.

That was four years ago. And it's going to be on Broadway in February. Broadway, Broadway. Broadway. Just finished up in La Jolla for like an eight-week run or something like that in La Jolla. Then we go to New Orleans, Houston and Chicago in the fall. And then Broadway, Broadway, February, mid-February. Do people like Jimmy Buffett?

They love him. Still. Love them. Still. Yeah, he sells out and people, you know, and you're talking about like doctor. That's why it's good for Broadway because you're talking about doctors and lawyers. And they just come there from work on a Friday and they just go crazy and sit in the parking lot and drink and go nuts. And then they go back to work.

And these are people that buy Broadway tickets, you know. So I think it, you know, it could work. We'll see. Who knows? But they just love him. He sells out. still selling out. Selling out. Does he tour constantly?

Yeah, I mean, I think he slowed down a little because he doesn't have to tour as much now, you know. But so he kind of does his own thing when he wants to do it. But I know my friends just saw him in D.C. is 26,000 people sold out in D.C. 26,000 people. Yeah, parrotheads. Yeah, they just, they love them. They absolutely love them. So hopefully.

When I moved to Colorado, he had a bar in Aspen called the Paragon. Okay. In 1983, 84. It was like the biggest bar on that. I don't even know if it still exists. But that's the first time I discovered those people. Okay, yeah. They would do something.

You know, when I went to a, I used to eat at a diner in Jersey when they had Tequilaville, that record on the, you know, you ever go to the East Coast and they have those little, when you go to the diner in the boots. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. And I would always play, take it away again and margarita.

I liked the song. I didn't know it was Jimmy Buffett as a kid. And all of a sudden it's fucking Jimmy Buffett. It's everywhere. Like, it's just huge. Yeah, he, he's a marketing genius because he's got the hotels, he's got casinos. He's just starting retirement homes, Margaritaville. He took that one song, yeah, Margaritaville retirement homes.

Why not? Yeah. Yeah. And blenders and bikes and shoes. And, I mean, it's a billion dollar, you know, corporation. He has over one song, a six-minute song. That he just, he told me one time, he goes, I, told the Eagles, man.

He goes, man, I told the Eagles, they should be a hotel California on every corner. They blew it. But they didn't want to do it. But he just, he's, he's a businessman. He knows what he's doing. A hotel California on each corner, yeah? Going there a little memorabilia and shit like that, right? Yeah, yeah.

But back to, I want to just to, yeah. Characters are the whole thing. That's your, that's your world. You, that's what makes your shows uniquely different. One thing I noticed about you that you always say is, I mean, you could create the shows and you write these scripts. Where's the rest of your writing guys for season two? Oh, for this show? I wrote all these 10 myself.

I didn't have a writing staff for this one. Because with this one, it was an odd, odd journey for this one, because I wrote these stories before it was even a TV show. I'd go up to the mountains and I would rent a house so I could write shows like Raising Hope and come up with scripts where it was quiet up there. I knew, you know, writing's hard. We all know writing's hard. So, like, you procrastinate everything. I figure if I drive up to the mountains and pay for a rental house, I got to get something done. You know, I can't come back empty-handed.

But sometimes I would, you know, be stuck up there. I don't know what to write. And so they'd have these guest books where people would write, you know, we had a good time. The kids went sledding. P.S. the dishwasher's not working. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, boring stuff. And I picked it up one time and I thought, what could happen in this house? And I just started walking around the house.

I'm like, what kind of fucked up crazy? crazy shit could happen. And I sat down and I wrote a 35-page story about two guys that went up there from work and they played cards and one caught the other one cheating and the other guy stuck a fork in the guy's eye and they had this big fight and then they put the fork back in the drawer and they didn't know which one it was. So now they feel bad. Don't use the forks. You know, whatever, all this stuff. And I made a copy for myself. I left it there just to fuck with the next people. That's it. Just to freak with them. And I read it to everybody on set. everybody was laughing, and then I went up there and did it again and again and again, and then I had

15 of these stories. So I'd already kind of written the stories, and then I went to TBS and said, I want to do a show about a cabin in the woods, different people come in every week, and we're going to make these stories come to life, you know. So when I sat down to write them, I didn't really need a writing staff. I knew kind of what it was going to be, so I just sat down and wrote all 10 episodes, and they were fun to write. They were fairly easy. So going forward, I might just do that again, I don't know, we'll see. We'll see if I can still keep coming up with the stories. But yeah, that's why with this one I didn't have a writing staff. And it was only 10 episodes. If you do 10 episodes, that's peaceful. That's easy. That's like stress-free. You write them all, then

you shoot them all. You do 22 episodes on a network show. You maybe have 10 scripts ready, and then you start shooting them. And then somewhere around Thanksgiving, you say, oh, shit, we've got to shoot nine more of these. We don't even know what the stories are anymore. And then all of a sudden, it's not about really making the stories great. It's about making them make sense. You know, if a story makes sense, then it's good, you know. And that's why these shorter orders, I think, when you see these shows that do like 10, 12 episodes on Netflix, on cable, they keep the quality up a little bit more than the network shows throughout. It's just, you know, it's just time. You run out of time.

36 episodes, a lot of fucking episodes in the season. Remember, years ago. Oh, yeah. I remember even Rogan said he had to shoot like 41 Fear Factor one year. Yeah. Like, that was his biggest order on Fear Factor was really hot. Yeah. That's a lot of work.

That's a lot of work. Yeah. Every day grinding it out, you know. I don't know. And it's stressful. You've got a tough job, but you, I mean, I was only on the one set. And it was, I was thinking about this morning, I hate marijuana gear. I've never been privy to marijuana gear.

Yeah. Okay, I don't not like it. There's no reason why I should have a shirt with a polyph on it. Yeah. And then get mad if a couple. Yeah, why put a target on your back? Yeah, I've always been one of those. So whatever people give me anything marijuana-ish, I always throw it away, or I give it to whatever, the home over here, this place on North Hollywood.

Some guy gave me a dispensary. There was a dispensary. The guy was a baker. Him and his family got together, and he was a baker in Beverly Hills, and he opened up this little dispensary in a head shop in Hollywood, and he went out of his way, and he made these gorgeous shirts. And it was just a shirt, not even marijuana, but like that heart with the thing going around it. What's it called? The hemp? No, not fucking hemp. The fucking, what they call these people that smoke marijuana. They call them something, compatriots or whatever the fuck they are. Who knows? All right. What was the symbol for that?

Didn't really, you know, it wasn't like a joint or something, but it really wasn't the symbol for marijuana, but people knew it as the medical marijuana. People in the no, no. No. So it was a weird yellow shirt, and I liked this shirt. It was fucking comfortable. You ever have a shirt that's just. fucking comfortable. And then I had another shirt that I found like that,

the same manufacturer, like a fucking Walmart and Houston. And I bought because that's where you shop when you're fat. Houston is the place. Houston is the place. Because they cheat you on the sizes. Like right now, what are you, a medium? Yeah, I'm a medium. In Houston, you're a fucking double X.

Okay. Because they make you big. So you get them going, I'm losing weight. Give me the cheesecake. You know what I'm saying? I don't want you fucking missing meals. So what the fuck are we talking about here? The symbol of the shirt, the comfortable shirt, the yellow shirt.

So I get up one morning, I got to go to my name is Earl. I think I'm taking the yellow shirt I bought at Walmart. Yeah. But once I get in the fucking car and I'm driving, I look down, and it's the fucking symbol shirt. That's the last thing I wanted a TV fucking set, especially on NBC show. You're not that fucking stupid, Joey. but I was already three quarters up there I couldn't turn around

I looked for like a clothing store again 2X is not gonna fit I'm not walking on that set looking like a two pound bologna in a one pound bag so that's not gonna happen so I tried to turn the shirt around yeah I'll turn the shirt around well the guy had the symbol on the other side like something he had you covered

so as soon as I walk into your set people like what up man everybody was like I'm like what oh hi and I didn't know what was going on and then I looked at the fucking thing And I'm like, oh So I knew like I was telling you when you walked in

And when I went to that audition I hate those Those producer ones Those five man rules Yeah I do well in them I don't dislike them But when I saw the look on your face

It took that Like it made me say It was just joy man I was happy to see you there You know I thought I was like I don't give a fuck now Like it's my dog Yeah

I don't give a fuck He knows what I could do? Yeah, absolutely. Fuck the lines. Let's just go for it. Yeah. I don't fucking sing an opera song. He knows what time it is.

Auditions are rough, man. I get stressed during auditions, you know, because, you know, it's so hard. And I think the hardest part about auditions and being an actor is you come in and you read for a part. And what you don't know sometimes is, you know, we'll have, I mean, a pilot, you'll have, you know, whatever, 100 people come in there and read for it. But just an episode of TV, maybe 10, 15 people come in. and read for a part. You could have hired nine of them. You know, nine of them could have been great.

They could be fine, but you've got to pick somebody, right? Some people look like what is in your head, so it's their job to kind of lose it when they come in. Other people, you think, oh, that's not what I had in my head. And then it's their job to get it, and that'll happen to. But everybody just gets a no for the most part. You know, it's not like you get a no with an explanation or this was how it ranked. You came in third, you know, nobody, you know, and so you just got to brush that off your

back and keep going. but that would be very tough. That would be very tough for me to be like, well, was I close? Was it, you know, to not get that feedback. You're on a set, you're acting, you get the feedback. Somebody say, I'll do this line this way, this way, this way. You know, a lot of times with the auditions, it's going so fast, or it's just the casting director reading and you're looking at on tape.

You don't have the time necessarily to work with somebody and give notes. And, you know, you try sometimes when you can, but you don't always give people that benefit. So you come in, you get one shot, and then you don't necessarily know why. You know, it didn't work. My first two years, it would bother me. Yeah. Like, not bother me extremely. I mean, I'm not stupid.

I know when it's a bad read, you know. I would try to prepare, you know, I went to acting class, the whole fucking thing. My whole thing was cold reading. Once, when I got here, you're going to understand this. I had a manager that was way better than what I was. So he was getting me into big-time rooms, and I was falling apart at the seams. But once I put comments. and the auditions together and I just said this is a seven-minute set.

What the fuck am I doing? What am I turning this into fucking Chinese arithmetic for? I was going into like Stanislovsky. This is fucking comedy. This is what I do. What the fuck? That's when it started clicking. But it took about three or four years of auditioning to get over those whys.

And then one day I realized I got the breakdowns. And that is the worst thing you could do as an actor. you will shoot yourself because you think you're right for 20 things and when you don't go out for all 20 of them you're killing your agent but there's variables involved there's directors who have a brother-in-law

who's retarded needs a job whose wife's gonna fucking leave them you know what I'm saying yeah they know that stuff they're not gonna waste your time we're going in there so that was one mistake I did that once I've never gotten the breakdowns again like I stopped in 2005

like that was a year of torture that was a year I hated everybody why am I not going in for this? Because there's fucking variables involved. Yeah, you don't know what the fuck's involved. They already, when you write something, do you know 90% of the time who you want, Mr. G? Sometimes. I mean, sometimes you write it with somebody in mind that you know is, but it's a type and you know that you're not going to get that person or that person's busy or something.

But a lot of times, especially now, you've worked with so many people, you're like, oh, okay, I think I can, you know, I can write this and I think I can get them for this or whatever. Yeah, you have an idea in your mind. And that takes me back sometimes to the audition process. If I don't get that person and somebody walks in and they look nothing like the person, then it's hard for me until they start opening their mouth. And then if they get the part, then it's like they earn that part. Because then it was like, because I was predisposed as soon as they walked in and go, that's not what's in my head.

And then they change what's in your head. And that's, you know, that's pretty spectacular for them to do that. You ever going to shoot a movie? I don't know. I don't know. You know, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've. I've thought about it before. The problem is, I mean, I've been lucky that I'm busy with TV, you know.

And I wrote a movie one time. I actually had this idea, and I was paling around with John Stamos. And he was like, let's write this thing together. I'm like, all right. So we would go over to his house, and he loved blue crabs from the East Coast, so we would order some blue crabs, and we would just sit and drink beer and eat crabs every Saturday, and then we'd write some of it, and just have fun. I didn't know what was going to happen with it.

And we got done with it and we shopped it around and MTV was MTV Films. They said, well, we kind of like it. They had a meeting with us. And they said, do these notes and then we'll think about making it. And then the next day, my name is Earl got picked up. And I said, man, I can't. I can't. I'm busy.

And so that went that way. And I've always thought about doing it. It would be fun. It's kind of the reason I started directing my own shows because what I was worried about is with a movie, you write a movie, you hand it in and that's it. You know, I mean, the director is the king on the movies. That's the way it works. TV, the writer's king.

Writer calls the shots. You know, the director works for you. You hopefully get somebody you work well with. But if I see something I don't like, I can say, hey, man, let's do it like this, or let's try it like this, or let's do it both our ways or whatever. A movie, it just seems like you hand in a script and then you go watch it at the movie theater and see what they did with it. And that would drive me crazy because I'm a bit of a control freak when it comes

to the stuff I write. I want to see it all the way through. So I thought I'm going to start directing some of these episodes. So if I do ever decide a movie to do a movie, maybe I'll have enough under my belt where I can go, all right, listen, if you like this movie, let me direct it. And I don't want to just say that without like being prepared for it and feel that I actually can do it. So now I feel that way. So who knows?

I mean, depending on what's going on with the TV and stuff, that's something that's certainly interesting to me. And I'd like to do everything in this business that I can. and there's something exciting about just finding one story to tell and then being done with it. I'm so kind of programmed to come up with an idea that you can do a hundred of. And so even when I sit down to think about a movie, sometimes it's hard for me because I'm like, well, that's a good story, but I don't know if it's good enough for just one story. I'm kind of, I think about things as open-ended. Like, let's set something up and now we can do like a hundred of them.

So that's, I think, a little bit of training I'd have to do to my mind to really sit down and write a movie. I have to do so much TV. On the earls, you directed all of them? No, no, no, no. I directed some of them, though. Not all of them. No, no, no. I only directed probably about four or five of them.

And then Raisin Hope I directed a few of them. And this new show, I directed two of them. I like doing it. It's fun. And I like learning new stuff every time. But also because it's TV and you do get your say. When I can, I like to bring in a director that I work with that I like, because now there's two of us doing it. You know?

Why should I just be there and just think, oh, my way is right before I've even. Exactly, right? And so when you find the right people, sometimes you work with somebody and it's like they want to, especially if they've done movies and stuff, they come in, it's going to be my way. And then you figure out, okay, well, we're not going to work well together. This isn't going to happen again. But for the most part, you get people that realize it's not about ego. It's not about, you know, I get my way or whatever. It's just about, we're just here to make the best show we possibly can. And once they realize that, then it's like, it's just easy, you know? Everybody's just having a good time and you throw out your ideas. I throw out my eyes. I throw out my eyes. ideas, we take the best ones, if we disagree, we shoot it both ways, you know, what have you. At least from a writer's point of view, even though everyone loves movies, is it more fulfilling to do a TV show? Because you only have, at most, two hours, two 30 if you're really pushing it. Was it with a TV show, you could do, even one season of 20 episodes is longer than that. So, like, even though it would be great to do a movie, do you feel Do you like it more because you're writing more?

You know, I couldn't answer honestly until I maybe got the chance to do the movie, and I'm sure it would depend on the movie. But I do like that. I like working with a group. Even though in this last show I didn't have a writing staff, I like working with a group. I like doing that and having the fun and the camaraderie and everybody's busting balls all day long, and you're there at two in the morning and you're banging your head against the wall, trying to figure out a story, you know, whatever.

That's all, you know, it's hard sometimes, but it's also fun. So I like that. And I like kind of having a steady gig, too. You know, like having, I know I got to do this. I got to go do that. There's a structure to it that I like. Whereas, you know, with movies, I can see how those guys don't get stuff done for a long time. And it's just you sitting in a room and you got to self-motivate to write this script that you have no idea if somebody's going to shoot.

And TV, you know they're going to shoot something. Whatever you, at the end of the day, they got to shoot something. a movie you could be writing forever, which I think happens most of the time, and it just gets puts on a shelf, and then like, what did I do? So I like the certainty of TV, too. You know what's crazy?

What the fuck was I just thinking about? I thought I was going to ask you. You guys got me out of the difference. That's his fault. That's his fault. I apologize. No, no, no. It was interesting what you had asked them.

What the fuck was I going to ask you? This Christ, I got to take my pills. I don't even take pills. I'm just lying. You'll remember tonight at the ice house. Yeah. Right in the middle of the set. That's the worst.

You have something and you get someone involved in somebody's conversation. And so, like, I'm blown away that you're, I like this kind of talk. Like this talk, you know, we never really have this type of talk with the guy in your league. So it's a beautiful thing. I'm pleased to be here. No, I'm happy you made it out. I hope people find it interesting. I'm glad we got to at least talk about the dead body and stuff because when I listen to the show, I'm like, I want more crazy fucking stories nonstop.

That's crazy. Yeah. But no, I'm happy that we're both charactery guys. I, like, I sit there at night and giggle about the people that have met in my life. Yeah. Like, sometimes I go, Jesus Christ, like, whatever happened to him? Like, within prison, even, there was a black dude that I met in prison. Call his house, collect every night, his wife.

And at the end of the conversation, he'd go, don't call back in no more. He'd slam the phone and walk to his cell. Like, you don't know how many nights. I've stayed up thinking about what is that guy doing with his life today, you know what I'm saying? He's probably not on Facebook. He probably can't check in on him. I mean, I think that's part of the fun of writing, right? I mean, it's like just taking all the stuff that you've seen and mixing two characters into one and stealing a little something from here and there.

And, you know, even with this new show, people were like, well, where did you come up with these, like, townspeople that live in this mountain town? Like, what TV show and movie did you, like, and I go, TV show, a movie. No, I'd go up to the little town and I'd go to the bar and I'd talk to people and, you know, get to know people and, you know, from real life, you know. I think for me, that's the, that's the most fun about it, is actually going and living things and then trying to figure out a way to put those into scripts, you know, actually leaving your house and doing stuff. I did this one pilot, you might like this story. I did this one pilot called Super Clyde. And it was about, you know, this guy that inherited some money and he worked at a fast food place he inherited money and then he decided that he was going to give the money away that was going to be his purpose in life now and we ended up shooting it twice for cbs but it never got on but it was all inspired by during the writer's strike during my name is earl right about the time that you were on because the writer strike was right that was right in the middle of that stuff so the writer strike hit and i didn't have

anything to do i didn't have a job i knew it was going to last for a while i was an issue about this Yeah, that's right. So I had always wanted to write a book about me doing a bunch of minimum wage jobs. Because growing up, I worked at my uncles, lawn business, landscaping. I worked at the gas station pumping gas. I had real jobs, hard jobs. But one time I was sitting at the Roy Rogers in Maryland eating a burger over like Christmas break or something like that.

I was doing yesterday at the time. And I was just eating the burger, watching everybody. And I thought, can I still do a hard job? You know, am I too spoiled at this point? you know, people bring you your lunch, you know, whatever. Can I still do an eight-hour shift? And I thought it would be fun to just do a bunch of jobs, like 30 days at a time, do the job, write about it, talk about my adventures, meet the people.

And then for a little game show element to the book, I thought I'll pick one person in the restaurant that works there, and at the end of the month I'll give them $10,000 and then I'll just disappear. Then I'll go to the next job. So this was an idea I had. But then I never had time to do it. I was always working. And so then the writer's strike came and I thought, all right, I'm going to do this. I'm going to just see what it's like, see if it works.

So I got my car and I started driving up the 101. I pulled off. I went past two exits because I didn't want anybody from my neighborhood who was going to go get fast food to see me. I went two exits, pulled over, went into a McDonald's, filled out application, went into a Taco Bell wrote my name on a napkin. Then I went into Burger King. The lady sat me down. She goes, let's have an interview right now. So we had an interview.

What did you put down as your background? Yeah, so I got it. talking to her, right? And I'm telling her that, because I got to explain my driver's license. I got to explain my neighborhood. And not a lot of people in my neighborhood are going and filling out applications at Burger King, right? So I go, well, I live with this family and I take care of their kids during the day. So I can really work from like, once they go to school from like 930 to like three when they finished school. Because I also didn't want to like, I worked a lot of hours on my name of Surrow. And I didn't want to all of a sudden look at my kids and go, oh yeah, now I

don't have to work, but I'm still not going to be with you because I'm going to work at Burger King. So I wanted to work while they were in school. So that's what I came up with my backstory for this woman. And I gave her my friend's number and he was going to say that I did some roofing with them or something like that, but she never called. And she hired me on the spot, you know? So I went home and I told my wife, I just got hired at Burger King. She said, you're fucking insane.

I said, no, this is going to be good, right? I'm going to get some material from this. So I went up there. I started working. They give me a little shirt. They give me a small. It barely, it barely goes, like it's a belly shirt. Like, you can see my belly.

Like, it's so tiny, and I'm uncomfortable in the thing, and I just start working on the cashier, and I'm doing the, I'm cleaning the tables, and I'm a janitor, and I go home every night, and I write, you know, stuff about it, and I'm writing funny stuff that I think is funny about my experience with it. And I'm trying to get to know the people, because I still want to do this game show element to it. I want to, like, follow it through just to see how it works. But everybody, not a lot of people spoke English. They spoke Burger King English, right? They knew everything on the menu and stuff.

And I was learning Burger King Spanish. but to talk with each other was tough. I'd always have the manager around when I try to talk to somebody else and so she could translate. So I try to get to know people and stuff. So about two, three weeks into it, it starts to get a little boring

because I run out of stuff to write about. Now I'm just working at Burger King. And I'm like, what am I going to, you know, and I thought I could screw around, I can mess around, I can make it funny if I start screwing around, but everybody's working so hard. They've got two jobs, a manager worker.

I don't want to be an asshole and start messing around. I just worked my ass off. I worked hard at that place. I did everything I could to be. And, you know, she asked me to be in the management trainee program. And I had to say, no, you know, this family. I worked for them. And she's like, no, listen, you know, you got to take care of yourself. You can't think about this family. And so ultimately, then the strike was about to be over. I'd done it for about a month. And I was like, I got everything. I needed out of this. I went in one day. I sat down. She gave me, I got my new shirt, got a medium. She was so happy. I got the new shirt. I put it on. I pulled my shift. The guys were pulling. me into the drive-through. It was like, it was crazy. I was like, it was like the first day where I was like really part of the team, you know, and, and I sat down with her afterwards. I said, listen, I got to, I got to leave today. This is my last day. And she's, what are you talking about? And I said, listen, I got to be honest with you. You know, I'm actually a writer. I write sitcoms. And this is a book I've been working on. And I lied to her. I told her there was already a publisher and stuff because I didn't

want the money stuff to get weird. But I said, listen. And she goes, well, now I got to train somebody else. And I said, I know I'm really sorry. I didn't really even think about that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But here's the thing. Part of this book is, is I'm going to pick one person. I'm going to give them $10,000. And so I picked you, and I gave her cashier check for $10,000. And then she said, oh, my God, well, my God, you can keep the shirt and whatever, you know. And I said, all right, well, you know, I'll take it easy. And so I left. And I got in the car and I remember I called my buddy, the late Alan Kirshenbaum. And I called them up and I said, Alan, I just gave this woman the check. And she just looked at me like I was crazy. You know, she's just, she's just, she,

didn't know what to say and he goes really maybe because it's the craziest fucking thing that ever happened to her huh and so the next day she calls me up she says oh my god i i googled you i watched my name azurl i love my name azurl and she goes i told my bosses about this you know and they're going to be calling you they're a little nervous that you're writing a book so now i got the burger king guys calling me and uh they say what's going on what are you doing you writing a book at our store and i go now don't worry about it i don't even know if i'm going to write the book and i got to tell you i won't even say burger king but i got to tell you the place is clean is can be. My wife said it's going to turn me off of fast food. Just the opposite. It's clean. He goes,

you mention Burger King as much as you want, man. As long as you keep saying that. And they gave me a little card that I can eat Burger King for the rest of my life. And I still keep in touch with the woman. We keep in touch. We text on holidays. Her family's come over. I've gone over to her place. She had some dust up with her husband. I ended up on the phone with them for two and a half hours, trying to talk them down. They stayed together. I mean, it turned into an adventure. But like just doing something like that and then sitting back and going, all right, now how can I make a TV show about this? You know, how can I take that experience?

Because I'll probably never write the book and do it again. How can I take that experience that'll feel authentic because I've actually done it? I think minimum wage jobs are a perfect place. I haven't seen it any yet. But Superstore? I think it's on TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On NBC.

I'm sure it's great. Like, just the premise of it makes me want to watch it because some of my best friends in life are from the movie theater or the, I worked at CVS too So it's like those two jobs And they all have amazing characters And it would be perfect for television Like all those minimum wage jobs

That you think you would hate Like you hate during a kind of a little You hate the job But the atmosphere and the You're around the right people and everything That's you know Those are the stories people are going to relate to Those are the characters people relate to

And those are the good times you know I tell people you know I tell people that come out here And they're starting to make it And they're like such a hurry to get things going. I'm like, I've had just as much fun as a PA, fucking around with the other PAs and getting in a car and going to Laughlin, Nevada for the weekend, and 18 of us staying in one room that's $16 a night. And I had as much fun doing that as I did once I got shows on and things were working, you know?

You just enjoy the journey along the way. It's been a great journey, man. Bro, this is the most interesting afternoon I've had a long time, man. I'm happy that this show's working out for you. It's a great show. by the way it is yeah you check i couldn't get another link today that's all right lee lee goes uh because i call the i go lee i keep saying please try again yeah it's it's so he goes keep hitting it again so he told me what to do okay all right check it out check i know i know lee watched some it i'm a fan of

michael rappaport we did all man together yeah he's a blast james mrsley is just i used always see it she's beautiful still she's fucking she's pregnant with twins i saw her yesterday pregnant with twins so how many this is how many kids is going to be three okay she only has the one Now she's got two coming. Two coming. Yeah. I saw her yesterday. She was a hoot.

I don't know if we can play it because it's probably owned by NBC, one of the networks. But your Emmy speech was one of my favorite. Can you just, did you get in any trouble? I mean, maybe we'll just play the audio. It's on YouTube. You can play it. I'll play the audio. But that was a blast because, you know, I wanted to be prepared.

I wanted to be prepared. Like, you know, I didn't want to get up there and stumble and whatever. And I have the most respect for comics out of anybody in the industry. For me, they're the top. Comics are the top. You've got to write your own stuff, and then you've got to go out there and do it the top. And so the idea that I was going to be in front of this audience of my peers

and had a chance to make them laugh, I was like, and I didn't even know Cloris Leachman yet. She was presenting it. And I was nervous, but I had my little card, and I had this speech, and I thought, all right, well, let's try it. Let's see what happens. Oh, my edit least. The Emmy goes to Greg Garcia.

My name is Earl Pilot. Yeah, I'm nervous. is hell right there. I got a Xanax in my pocket. I'm getting ready to take it. Look at all those people. I'm terrified. I just found this last night. I got a kiss from Cloris Leachman. I don't have time to thank everybody that I should, so I thought it would be easier. If I mentioned a few people, I do not want to thank. My eighth grade social studies teacher told me to sit down and shut up because I wasn't funny. No thank you, Mr. McAdoo.

My boss, when I was a PA on the show, step-by-step, who made me clean gum, off the executive producer's shoe. No, thank you, ma'am. Tonight, I do not share this with you. And finally, God, I'm sure you're responsible in some way, but you took my hair and that's not cool, man. Not cool.

Then it gets boring. The best, bro. That was fun. And I got a little taste of what it's like to be you guys up on that stage getting laughs. And that's a good time, man. That is a thrill. That is an absolute thrill. It's energy meaning energy. and it's so fucking weird.

Talking about characters, my brother came. We grew up together in Jersey. He came to the show Thursday night. He's a manager and a car dealership. And that's a show that's always how to be explored

with the right characters. Absolutely. But I'll never forget I worked. I was going to see you part-time and I would sell Subaru's part-time. There was a good-looking dude who worked there and he sold cars and he had kids

and he had a wife and from time to time he'd smoke a joint and I knew they used to in the winter time they would drink Blackberry brandy when they were shoveling snow

and shit and one day he would leave for lunch no big deal everybody left for lunch so people ate that lunch at their desk one day we'd get surrounded

by SWAT fucking SWAT Boulder police and all of a sudden they're like Carlos Valverdi exit the building and I'm like Carlos ain't here

they came down when us all go down they shot a little thing into the service department. It was kind of fucking scary. And we found that that guy was a bank rob. And he'd go at lunch and rob the banks? How much time? It was Rob Banks.

There's a movie right there. No, you never I think they even didn't. The Little League guy that was robbing banks. Wasn't Josh Wolf had something. A little league dude who was a coach. But at the same time he was robbing banks, everybody fucking robbed Banks. Greg Garcia, I want to thank you for coming up. Thank you, man. This was a blast.

Again, August 3rd. August 3rd. TBS 10 o'clock, the guest book. The guest book, guys. And this is the mind of Greg Garcia, which is just a fucking never-ending voice. It's like the fucking shining. That's what you're ahead at night,

the fucking shining and stuff. Let me just read this off. We'll get you out of here, and everything will be beautiful. Listen, let me ask you something. We all want to eat better, but when it comes to snack, sometimes it feels like the whole world is delicious

and a billion calories versus boring and tasteless. It doesn't have to be that way. up your snack game with Nature Box. Nature Box has over 100 snacks that taste good and are actually better for you. All snacks are made from high quality, simple ingredients, which means no artificial colors, flavors, or sweetness. So you can feel good about what the hell you're eating. My favorites are the cocoa. The nomads.

The lentils are very good. I like the salt and vinegar veggie chips. I like the apple and cinnamon oatmeal bars. And that's just to name a few. So you're going to find your new snack obsession at NatureBox. They add new snacks every month inspired by real customer feedback, the latest food trends, and professional chefs. How you like me now?

It's so simple. Just go to NatureBox.com, choose the snacks you want, and NatureBox will deliver them right to your door. And there's no risk. If you ever try a snack and you don't like it, don't eat it. NatureBox replace it for free. Gratiss. And right now, I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

I'm going to save you even more. NatureBox is offering you The family, the church of what's happened Now you savages Three free snacks with your first order When you go to naturebox.com slash Joey Again, that's naturebox.com Slash Joey

For three free snacks with your first order Naturebox.com slash Joey I also want to talk to you about something on the personal hygiene note Like I told you in the beginning of the show You know, it's summertime, it's muggy If you live in Philadelphia

By the way, I'll be in Philadelphia next week, and I'm bringing a fucking portable bidet because I know humidity kills your asshole in the summer. So I'm not going to fall for that fucking stink trap. That's why you got hellotushy.com. You're sitting there going, enjoy what's hello tushy? It's a portable bidet that you install right in your bathroom within five minutes. Now, what happens?

Every time you take a little poop-to-poop, or every time you go for a little jog, or maybe you go to yoga, You don't want to develop no cheese down there. You sit on the thing. You put the water on it sprinkles your little muffler. You jiggle it around and sprinkles your nutsack, maybe your helmet, and there you go. You got no germs growing, no hemorrhoids, you got no swamp ass.

Everything is tip-top magoo, the way you want it to be in case you bump into a victim. You never know when you're going to bump into a victim. And number one, you always want to be prepared. That's why hellotushy.com is the portable bidet for you. not only that we give you a 90 day money back guarantee this thing is sensationally tell them about the hello tushy it changed my life start every day with hello tushy this is what i'm saying to you there's a Buddhist religion somewhere in this fucking mess here of people that just pray sitting on a fucking bidet all day with hot water clean your little asshole you know what that feels like don't discount the cold water and the cold water's even better you know why it opens up the follicles and lets all the junk out of that little fucking hairpatch that you call an asshole any Anyway, go to hellotushy.com. Slash church.

Right now, we get 10% off delivered to your house. That's how we're rolling. All right. I love you guys. Once again, I want to thank HelloTushy. And once again, naturebox.com for always being a great sponsor. And I want to thank Mr. Greg Garcia and Mr. Lee Syatt, my little brother here, and all you guys for 500 fucking episodes. I love your cock suckers.

Have a great weekend. We'll see you next week. Stay black. Hit it. Thank you.