The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #525 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt with Cassius Morris

Episode Date: October 17, 2017

Cassius Morris, 19 year old host of the "Cassius Morris Show" podcast and rock concert photographer calls in to speak Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt. Cassius recently achieved a goal of interviewing Kiss member Gene Simmons. This podcast is brought to you by: Meundies.com - Go to meundies.com/JOEY for 20% off of your first order and free shipping!   ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church     Recorded live on 10/16/2017.


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Oh shit. Tuesday. 16th. Get your shit together, Cocksuckers. Fifteen more days to Halloween. Oh shit. Cassius Morris, the Christ Killer, and your Uncle Joey. Taking you back to 94 Janet Jackson when she was fucking tremendous.

You ever see this video only? I don't think so much. Chinese chicks flying through the fucking air. Janet Jackson's belly button. Tremendous. Faking and fuck. She was loaded with plastic surgery. But fuck it.

Who gives it shit? I love Janet Jackson. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joe here on a beautiful Monday night in Los Angeles. Lee Syatt's here. What up, G? I'm doing good. Janet Jackson was actually my, like, first concert at, like, fifth grade or something.

My dad got tickets to, like, the T, it used to be the, it's called the TD Garden now. It used to call the Fleet Center. and we were up in the way back. I don't think I'd even heard of here, Jack. Who plays there at the fleets of it? But now it's called the Garden. It's, again, called the Garden. But, yeah, she's, like, I almost wish I could have seen someone.

Like, she's part of a dynasty. Like, her family is a dynasty. It's, you know, it's crazy that I saw them. I mean, I'm a little younger than Michael, maybe by a year or two. Really? He's dead. But I still remember walking on. Times Square and making my godfather buy me the ABC album.

I mean, I still remember bringing it home and listening to it and singing and dancing like a fucking lunatic that night. Was it different back then? Because now there's like a lot of kids TV shows and there's kids on online. But back then, were they like child stars? Like your age? All right. So TV had three fucking channels.

When I came from Cuba, three had TV had three channels and you had telemone knowing Univision. You know what I'm saying? So that's that child stars. I don't really like the Osmans. Remember we had a thing here one time with the Osmans and the Jackson's and then You know you had a individual little guys that want team beat David Cassidy and shit like that That's who was around when I was around I don't you know I didn't really look at fucking little boys league Right now I got fair enough I did I want to thank the people at Tampa and the surrounding areas Miami for coming out to the Tampa Improv I had a fucking blast like I said some guy brought me a fucking black Sabbath Paranoid album

The covers busted up with the fucking albums in great shape My friend Gino brought me a fucking whatever Black Label Society CD that's tremendous It was just a great time So I want to thank you guys for coming out Florida is such a different fucking place They had chickens

Walking around and shit all over the city I was smoking a joint one time Taking a little walk like at 6 in the 1st of Right. And there was chickens fucking caca cacao all morning and chickens. It was still dark out. The first morning I got to do radio. I got up at five, like an asshole that I am.

There were chickens near, like I just imagine you in like a city. Chickens on the streets. Well, this is Ebor City. Okay. Very, a lot of history, really, you know, the pirates were there, like the not the pirate, Pittsburgh pirates, but like real pirates were there. It's Santo Traficantes town. Tampa's a mafia town.

You always hear about like how Texas is a. is its own country almost. But, like, Florida has so many different areas. Like, cities are different. Like, Orlando's kind of like Burbank, essentially. It's, like, Disney and kind of seems cool. And then where my dad lives, like, literally, I'm surprised. They have schools, but I don't see any children.

It's, like, all 90-year-old retirement communities. And then, like, you hear about Miami, which is college kids and, like, all the pretty people. Florida's really, do you ever do a lot of, because you've done so many gigs everywhere. Were you all over Florida? No, no. I've only been to Jacksonville to do comedy. Tampa is the second time, Miami. Really?

West Palm. Yeah, that's, I'm not going on over the fucking state. That's a big-ass fucking state like Texas also. Oh. It was funny last night, I called you or you called me. And for the first time, you were watching 60 minutes. Yeah, oh, my God. It was about the opioid epidemic and how the big farm and how the DEA,

the guy stopped prosecuting cases and shit. Yeah. You see that? Oh, I saw it. It was amazing. When an American watches that, that's patriotic and really believes in the system. Like a guy like yourself, it kind of breaks you in a way. Like me, I'm used to it.

Yeah. You know, it's like when you watch the first season of Narcos or the second season of Narcos and they explained what happened in 85, I lived through that. So unless you're a fucking moron, you really don't know. They were having a problem getting ether into color. Right. Plus at that time, I don't know if it was one of the bushes declared war on Colombia. So by that time the Narcos had pulled their cocaine and were developing in labs in Cuba. Holy shit.

And they were paying Fidel 800,000 a shipload for cocaine that they would ship into the fucking states. But they were making $60 million a day. Right. They'd give a fuck about $800,000 payment. So the same thing happened. They got tougher on it because they wanted in. If you remember in Narcos, he goes, maybe they wanted, or maybe they just wanted a piece of the pie. I mean, and this is, we'll get back to 60 minutes, but I also have seen stories that now Pablo's son is saying that his dad was working for the CIA and the DEA. Does any part of you believe that's true? I don't give a fuck.

Okay. He's dead. What do I give a fuck? You know, if he says he was working for the CIA, listen, in today's fucking world, you never know. in that world. Right. When there's that much money involved, Lee. Right.

That much money involved is always a by the way. Or you have to assume there has to be. I mean, if you remember, Narcos, they said that they caught him on the tarmac of loading a plane in Nicaragua. Right. So they were doing business with communists, you know. Who knows what the fuck they were doing? And they caught Oliver North. I mean, when it comes to the CIA and all those topics, it's like a big question mark.

Well, it's sort of. the same thing, like how you were talking about the DEA. And you were right. I consider myself patriotic. I don't have a flag. Like, I don't consider myself extra patriotic. You grew up. You believe in the system.

Right, exactly. You believe in the system's here to protect you, and you believe that the system is here to make the best decisions it can for you. But in the long run, you see something like the 60-minute interview last night. Both of them. Both of all. One guy that became a lawyer in ship. But that was interesting.

You know, 60 minutes, I've been watching this since I was a kid. Because you could sit there and give a fuck about all the news in the world, or you could just cut through the chase. Give me three stories that are interesting to me, and I'll get two out of three of them to be interesting. That's why you always DVR them, because you could speed through the second one, or one that old fuck is doing an interview or something like that.

But it's such a – it comes at you from a different perspective. And they do such a professional job. on it. You hear a lot now about blogs. There's a lot more journalism out there than there used to be. But when you see 60 minutes, like for me, I don't know, it just seemed more professional than a lot of the other news that you see nowadays. And to me, I

and you're right, I believe in the government, I want to. It's not even as much as I do. It's that I really, I hope, I wish that I could. And to hear that they're all all it boils down to his money I mean I don't want to cause no problem right no no no but how do you feel about how does a guy like you feel about something something like the Kennedy assassination

when you grow up with that and you I mean I looked at it you know I'm not here to judge nobody I don't know if he could shoot what the fuck do I know I was maybe three when it happened to 10 months old I fucking don't know it was so it was so much history like I don't even remember in the 60s, right? 66.

63, 66, I don't fucking know. But the thing is that you look at something like that, and they keep telling you our government did it. And it's like the Catholics. It's like with me, with Catholicism. When I look at an article and it says, an archbishop got transferred because you raped 70 kids, in my heart I don't really want to believe it.

But it's the truth. And it's the same thing with government to some people, like it was to me. I also believe in the government. But growing up in North Bergen, I saw corruption in such a micro level that I knew if this was it at the micro level, I can't imagine what it is at the macro level. It looks like I was telling my wife.

When you're at the macro level, you get donations from corporations and industries that sway your decision. What's a donation? A legal bribe. Right. That's what a donation basically is to a fucking whatever. I'm not like $500. I love you so much. I'm going to give you a million dollars.

It's because in a year from now, I'm going to try to pass a fucking thing, and you're going to okay it for that million dollars I gave. And not even okay it. This is the part that I had just no idea about. Like, they were talking about lobbyists and all that. And they were saying, like, the former, one of the former lawyers for the DEA who switched over, which is... He wrote the fucking Marino Bill.

How do you write the bill? How do you write the fucking bill for, like, an obias... I thought the senators had to do that or something. Yeah. And then... Well, you probably wrote it, got it past, you know, through things like that. Yeah, he just gave it to the dude. And then a year later, he was working for a big farmer guy,

and they showed videos of this guy, uh, yeah, not, not lobbying. Yeah, he was. Well, no, yeah, that was before, because he was a DA, and then when he quit, when he got a fire, right, no, he quit. He made, like an advertisement for himself. He made an advertising from himself saying that if you have a company and the DEA is up your ass, he'll come and get him out of your ass. And that's what, and then that's, he, he,

did the Marino Bell after he was at the DA. Now let me ask you this. Right. Did your girlfriend, what's this? No, she was at the daughter game. You know, it's pretty interesting that you see how they're on one side of the law. Right. For 15 fucking years, giving it everything.

And one day, it all goes out the window. It's just like an actor. It's just like De Niro. It's just like a fighter. You believe in the system for so long. And then one day you go, what do I give a fuck? Just give me the fucking, I'm quitting this shit. and I'm going to go make 10 times

what I was making here for less work for less work and I don't get shot at and I wear suits and I go to expensive fucking lunches and people take me out to lunch you know that's when you come out at Kola school or any other thing you come out so gung-ho you're going to save the world and all this shit

and then you see your cohorts driving fucking you know mazorati's and taking six weeks vacation and you're still working for the city prosecuting fucking gang bangers and fuck and whatever. What are you going to do after a while? Same thing. You've already

learned the loopholes of the system. Now you're going to go open up your own attorney and fuck and exploit those loopholes. That's what it basically is. You're switching governments and now you exploit those loopholes for a fucking tremendous salary and a tremendous

living. You know, I fight ten fights. I'm hurt. You know what? I know what? I know I'm fucking stuttering. I know I'm hearing Chinese people yelling at night when I'm trying to take a shower. Fuck it. I'm going to take 10 more fights at $250,000 a fight.

I don't care if I get beat up as long as my family has a couple million when I die. What do I give a fuck? Same thing happens to actors. I'm 58. I bought into this fucking acting bullshit and what did it get me? It got me two Oscars

and I got beat by fucking some monkey one fucking year that an animated monkey. You know what? Fuck you. I'm doing every shit script there is. I'm calling it in. And that's how I'm going to go out. And a lot of people think that's the Nero's reasoning now.

I don't really agree. I just think that there's a bunch of shitty movies coming out. But it's, like, it's amazing what we do for money and how it just all, that's all really boils down. And it's, there's people out there who don't. There's like, there are some people who just do it for the love of it. And they almost get made fun of it. It's almost like, look at this idiot who actually cares about stuff. I know me as a comedian.

I was having a lot better time when I was doing comedy for free. Now I'm considered a professional. Right, yeah. And there's so many check things on the list before I go on stage. And it's so sad how so many people that around my life don't understand those checklists. You understand that maybe, but like friends of mine, like a friend of mine came up from, Clearwater that I dated and she said it she goes when we were sitting at the end of the show she told her boyfriend she goes you know it's really weird to see that I still remember seeing Joey emceeing in Colorado and now 20 years later he's the fucking headliner

and not just the hell she said it to me she goes it's amazing to really see but she goes I also remember how you stuck to it she goes the reason we broke up is because you stuck to this. You knew that was what you wanted. She goes, you didn't want to go out at night. You didn't want to do anything. This was it for you. And she goes, it was great for two years.

But then it got really old that you were that serious about it. And it was a compliment to me. You know, I was fucking 38 or something. I had nothing going on in my life. And she was a party girl. So every other week, she had a family member coming out here. She always had a friend from college coming out here They stayed with us and to top it off

We have to entertain And she would get mad at me Like we're going to Venice Have a good time I got a show tonight I'm not fucking going to Venice I'm going to the store to hang out There might be a fallout

I can make 15 bucks Or I could just get that much better She didn't fucking understand that It's hard I think it's I don't think a lot of people Have something they're that passionate about Well you have to be that passionate and that driven to really excel in your field. And people don't know that that's

the dedication level that you have to have to really excel in your field, whether you're an attorney, whether you're, you know, at any level. If I'm an attorney and I keep dicking around and I keep making wrong choices in my first two or three years, here he is. Caches. Joey Coco Diaz, what's going on? What's up, buddy? How are you? I'm fantastic. Lee, how you doing? I thank you guys so much for having me on tonight. Hey, buddy, good to hear you. You know, we like to do our yearly checkup with our little brother fucking cash is up there in Canada running things.

Oh, well, thank you, man. It's been a lot of fun out here. The podcast over on you guys' end has been going fantastic, too. The Action Bronson episode was killer, man. Yeah, we're trying, man. You know, there as a podcast to yourself, you know that there's up, there's valleys, there's peaks and valleys, and you have to capitalize on the fucking peaks, and every once in a while I got to bump into a valley, and you keep plugging, you stay consistent, you stay on top of social media, just like you do, and everything works yourself out, man. I mean, you're doing a fucking fantastic job over there.

Well, I really appreciate that, Joey. I mean, you're right. I mean, when you're doing the podcast, it's always that ebb and flow. I find that the easy part is initially peaking people's interests. The harder part is keeping it, and that's where the persistence that you just mentioned comes in. Like, you really got to be working at this every day, and if you're not, it's simply not going to work out. You've got to put your all into it. When you just called in, we were talking about dedication.

Like when I moved here in 97, I had a girlfriend, and she was a dancer. You know, she was a stripper, and she made money, and she wanted to do different things on the weekends. And I'm like, that's not my game. I didn't move to L.A. to go camping on Saturday and Sunday. I don't give a fuck. What the fucking ocean looks like. I moved here to become a comic. And eventually that and a lot of other things broke us up.

But she came to see me Saturday night and after the show. That's what she said. She goes, at one point, she goes, I still remember you being coked out, sending envelopes out. Like, I'd be up doing blow. five in the morning, licking envelopes for free fucking movies and agents. It was nonstop. But what people don't understand, and she said it, she goes, I didn't understand the debt. Now I would tell everybody who attack things the way you attack them.

And that's how you have to attack things, and that's how you're attacking them. Yeah, I mean, it's something that I realized after, you know, when I was a little younger, like I took a hiatus from podcasting in general, and I just, really realize how much of a hit that is to you. And I also realized, you know, this past year, you know, how much distractions can do you in, like you said. You know, you've got to avoid those kinds of situations, man. I mean, it's really, really difficult, but it, again, it's all about that focus.

It's funny because you call it a distraction. But most people go, Joey, the Cassius, your fucking party poopers. There's a huge party. Everybody's going to be there Saturday. You know, all our friends are going to be there. what do you mean you have a podcast at 8 o'clock? Well, I have a podcast at 8 o'clock, you know, or deaf leopids come into town.

So can't you blow off deaf leopard and go see them in Ontario or something else? And you're like, no, they're playing here. You know, I want to interview the fucking drummer with the one arm, and that's the only time I could do it. So fuck you and your fucking party. And people think you're antisocial or people think that you're, I don't know what the saying is like a party pooper or something, but the bottom line is,

if this is what you want to do, this is what you have to do. This is it. There's no fucking thinking about it. There's no feeling sorry for your girlfriend. And when you have a girlfriend, you have to fill her in from the beginning. Right.

That's the big mistake that a lot of guys make in the beginning. They hook up with somebody like the pussy And then they're like, yeah, I'll do this, I'll do this, I'll do this, I'll do this And then three months goes by You've already violated that pussy 80 times It's time for you to go back out in the jungle And do comedy or play music or interview rock stars like you do And now you're a bad guy, you've changed

No, I never changed So if you nip that shit in the bud from day one They know exactly what time it is Whether you're dating a girl or boy I don't fucking know anymore So I'm not talking about you, Cassius. I just don't want people to think. I was going to say, you know what's up with me, Joey.

Yeah, I know you're a dick slinger, you little dirty bastard. I see you on there, kissing and hugging and shit. Not anymore. I just want to get right to it. I mean, at least for me, my question, tell me about getting Gene Simmons on. Because I just can't eat like, I remember. I've seen pictures of you since I started with Joey. That was six years ago.

And I think you've been doing podcasting for like seven or eight now. and you've always loved Kiss. So I can't, I just want to hear about, that's what I want to hear about. It was an insane thing, Lee. I mean, like, I showed up to the Expo. I've been trying for, I mean, close to, I think it's eight or nine years now to get the interview.

And I've been told by, like, you know, members of Kiss. They said, listen, Gene's never going to do this, man. Like, we understand that you really want him on. He's not going to do it. And when I came to the Expo, I had a media pass to the Expo that he was signing. at and they even told me, Gene is not doing an interview. And then finally somebody who works for the band who shall remain nameless, of course, actually gave me the chance to send a formal

email request and have it sent to Gene's personal inbox so he could decide. So after, you know, eight and a half some years, finally it came down to Gene and he saw it and he liked it. And he personally responded to the email and he said he would be happy to say hello and do the interview. So I called the Expo. I said, listen, you guys got, you guys got something twisted. now I'm doing this interview and they said fine it's Jean's choice and it was it was one of the best days of my life honestly was it was really a dream come true when I saw it I was so fucking happy for you and then I saw it on six you know on a Nikki Sixth show and a lot of people were retweeting and shit I was like oh my God this kid hit the fucking jackpot

But this is because he's been at it for eight or nine fucking years. Most people would have believed it and given up. Yeah. And there's no easy way into it. It was one of your dreams to interview, right? I mean, it's literally why I started when I was like nine and a half some years old. I heard a podcast about Kiss and they ended up interviewing members of the band. And I said, I want to start and eventually interview Gene Simmons or Paul Stanley.

and that's why I even started podcasting. So after all this time, it feels insane. But the thing about it is that as much as it is great and it's a big accomplishment for me, I only view it as the beginning. So now I kind of take the last nine years and rip up the drawing board and it's just time to restart. I'm not trying to be flying too high off of it. You know what I mean? Well, I mean, I see what you're saying.

But at a certain point, and I think a lot of people who are creative have this issue, is they don't give themselves enough credit sometimes. So, like, obviously you can't just sit there and be like, oh, you interview Gene Simmons. I'll never interview anyone else. But it's also, I think it's important to acknowledge what you've done. I don't know. That's what I'm acknowledging. And I think it's, I think you've been on a great run.

You know, I've seen you interview other people. And this one was the cherry now. Yeah, you're right. Now this is, you're on to bigger and bigger fucking things, you know? Right. And I mean, like, I'm certainly appreciative of every. single thing. Like, I still interview people that people haven't even heard of at this point, just because I'm a fan of what they do and I want to help tell their story. So, I mean, it's not that I

don't appreciate it and I'm kind of trying to gloss over it. It's just that, you know, again, distractions. I feel like if I, you know, sit here and get fat eaten thinking about the fact that I interviewed Gene Simmons is going to distract me from interviewing the next guy. But it does feel good. Like the past two years, it's been hard, man. I mean, I've been banging on the door of all these celebrities like I've been going for Drake I've been going for Wiz Khalifa big guys and for two years straight I would just get nose to everybody at a certain point and it you know it pays off to be persistent

that's what I would tell people really like if you watch this morning's or yesterday's periscope I said listen every fucking know you get leads to a yes yes I love when I get knows because every fucking no eventually you're gonna bump into a motherfucker yes so that's That's been my thing since I started comedy. I was like, people are going to say no to me.

You know what? But I know the more they say no, Ventrake I'll come closer to my yes. And brother, I've lived it. So I can see now that you're living it, it feels good to be a gangster. Who's coming up there? What's coming from you?

It means a lot. Yeah, yeah. Who's going up there next couple months you're thinking of putting requests in for? Well, the next big one is coming up on October 24th. And you're going to love this. Tuesday, that's right. That's right.

Two shows. What did you think so? What has he said so far? I haven't gotten a response yet. I only fired off one email, but that was even before Gene Simmons came on. So I think now that that's happened, if I can find someone, you know, catch their ear to put in a request that might happen because he's been doing a lot of interviews. This is a legendary tour for me, like with Trump in office and everything and he's doing all the political stuff. I mean, this is this is going to be a highlight of my youth, so I can't wait for this.

Good. What are you doing for work now? When I contacted you last week, you have a job now. Yeah, I'm working full-time at least eight hours a day, so it's not too, too bad. It's at a liquor store, and it's pretty crazy. I mean, I deal with the theft. I deal with a lot of that kind of stuff, but it's steady hours, and you just got to be careful. Watch yourself. Are you still taking classes at all or anything? I'm finished with the Nate stuff right now.

That's what I was doing over here in Ebbington. It was like a six and a half month program. It was pretty intensive. I learned how to work a soundboard in a radio station and just the mechanics behind the scenes as well as new on-air techniques. So it was super, super helpful. And I have the option to go into like a two-year full intensive course for it. But I even asked the instructor of the course,

and he said he doesn't really think it's necessary at this point. No, I think you've got more experience than most of the guys that are there now. I mean, you're fucking living, you know. Is that what you want to do stuff with you? soundboards and well i want to take it to a level where i can kind of branch out and make income off a lot of different things um i want to be on some kind of television or serious radio station doing interviews also doing comedy stuff funny bits um i also want to branch on my photography because i photograph concerts a lot now as well uh that's a really good way to make cash you know

just these kinds of things i want to to be able to branch out to you know six or seven different Thanks. That's really the plan. Have you connected with Mauricio Alvarado yet? I haven't. I haven't heard that name before. He was on the podcast the last time Dean Delray was on. And he is, uh, he is you here. I have respect. I have as much respect for him as I have for you because every month these guys started zero and they're taking pictures and they're selling pins.

So he went into the pin business. Like, you know, those pins? you stick on your jean jacket or on a leather jacket and it says like Black Sabbath Master Reality. I was just going to say, take him back to the Sabbath days. Right. So he did all of them and he connected with Sabbath now. So he's working with Sabbath on those pins.

And, you know, when I talk to you, when I see what you're doing, I see what he's doing, it's like too big. You guys are both on the same path. He takes fucking phenomenal pictures. then he does an interview, then he does a blog. And it's like the full fucking experience.

He's always... I will definitely have him on my show, no problem. Yeah, no, no, no. But I think you guys should connect on a business level. Okay. You guys could be fucking international and huge. Wow. I mean, that's how...

I mean, if it's coming from you, I'll do it. No, no, no. I think you guys are on the same path. I think you guys join fucking... forces some he's young he's a long head fucking Mexican Cuban kid who's out Listen he's out six nights a week

I think tonight He was going to see the Pesh mode You know He's really out there Yeah he's out there He's out every fucking night Press passes for He brings me shit to the colony store

I still got his Tony Iomi He only movie pictures From the Hollywood Bowl He just sent me Judas Priest did something at the whiskey without Glenn Tipton. And he sent me a few pictures. I mean, he's just a dynamite fucking kid, man.

But you and him together? Oh! It's like the fucking meddling cartel. That's beautiful, man. I'll definitely reach out to him. Absolutely. And if you're listening right now, man, hit me up. Okay, what's going out with the girlfriend?

I don't have a girlfriend at this time. Who was that girl I saw you hugging up with and playing Harvey Weinstein? with on fucking Facebook. That was my girlfriend of two years. I decided to end the relationship about a month and a half ago.

You know, I don't, you know, I don't have too much comment. I mean, it's difficult to manage a lot of things in your life, especially when you're pursuing a dream. So that's really that.

How old are you now? I'm 19, actually, on November 5th. Where do you get your clarity from? I mean, these, I don't know. I mean, I appreciate it. You're full of hormones. Somebody's looking your nuts once a week, and you're eating that asshole. And out of nowhere, you decide to stop dating them because you want to pursue your career.

You know how many kids your age do that? I mean, but it took me a long time to be fair. I mean, I kind of went off the map for like three months. Okay. because you were in love or because Big time Okay And there's nothing wrong with that

For a guy your age So once you fell in love You said this is a little too deep I still love Black Sabbath more Or Kiss more Or Gene Simmons more Yeah Yeah I mean it really went super deep with her

And one of the main things that I mean she was really It wasn't even that She was dragging me down To a big point To where it was impossible To get any work done get any episodes done, needed that constant attention.

And when I was flying a Halifax for my vacation, because while I was on that vacation across the country, we ended up breaking up, I listened to you and Steve Simone and Lee, and you did the podcast, and you were talking about sacrifices. And that hour conversation pretty much changed my life at the time. It was like it really opened my eyes to what needed to be done. Like it's not a compromise, and there's no time for compromise. So that's what needed to be done.

You know, I'm really happy that you took that conversation to heart. I mean, I'm sorry that you broke up and made you break up with your fucking girlfriend. I never liked doing something like that. It wasn't working anyway. No, no, and I understand it. But that word to me means so much, but to so many fucking people, they don't ever in their life want to go there. And it scares me how a person wouldn't want to sacrifice for what the fuck they love. Yeah.

I mean, that you don't love it. much clearly that's what that tells me it's like you you either want to love it or you feel like people think you should love it but if you love it there shouldn't even be any hesitation at all you know it's uh i'm writing this book i'm putting these chapters together and i put the proposal together the proposal is done thank you church family for fucking believing in me i'm gonna send it to gordon uh tomorrow wednesday and get the notes on how i'm no fucking Hemingway, which I don't give a fuck. I'm happy that I had stuck to it and did it. For the first time in three years, I stuck to my fucking commitment. It took me three years to take two and a half

months off, three to four hours a day, correcting shit, you know, just to do this. But right now, I'm just writing just to continue a thousand words a day. And today I was writing something in that I don't think I should tell you guys, but I have to. I have to. You know, I was writing about 1995 and how I had nothing in my life except this little girl that was five years old and comedy. For the first time in my life, since the age of 16, something had fucking worked. And it was comedy. did I have high hopes of being Bill Burr or Louis C.K.

I never thought I'd make it to L.A. But I knew thousands of guys that never went to L.A. That was still making a living on the road. They weren't getting real rich, but at least they weren't stealing or snort and coke. And that's all I wanted. But when you started comedy, did you love it yet? Or were you just doing it as like a job? At what point did you love it?

I loved it the first time I got on stage. Wow. Like after I got off, I knew that was it. I had been high on 20 different types of drugs, and I had never felt anything like that. And I didn't do well. You know, I didn't do well, Cassius. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you, I got to stand.

No, no, no, no, no. I was talking about Godzilla and dinosaurs. But I knew there was something there. And I knew that if I stuck with it, that I could probably make a living and sell CDs on the road and live in a car like Charles Bronson, I knew I would make money at it. But at one point, I had nothing in Boulder.

I mean, when I tell you, I had nothing in Boulder, I had nothing. I had a job. I had a job that if I wanted to stay, I could probably make about $60,000 a year, but I didn't want to do that job. Everybody that did that job ended up fucked up because it was a bad karma job, and I knew it. So all I had was that little fucking beautiful five-year-old girl

and stand-up comedy. And I had to go with the stand-up comedy because I was just doing her wrong by being there. We were creating too much havoc. But stand-up to me, when I made that decision,

I knew I was on to something. But that was one of the biggest... That sacrifice cost me four or five years in my life for crying myself to sleep every night. But that was what it would take to get. to where I wanted to be.

And today I'm not where I wanted to be because I never thought I would end up here anyway. I just thought that I would just become a good comic and travel Idaho and, you know, Montana and fucking, there's guys that do it that you've never heard of. Yeah, no, I know all about that. That are ten times funnier than the guys that are in L.A. are the guys that you're exposed to.

There's guys that never leave Chicago that would come out here and break those clubs in half. Do you think they're happier? they, somewhere along the line, they're locked up. They're scared. There's a fear element. Maybe they don't want to get out of the comfort zone, you know. But that's one thing about you, man.

I saw you with Gene, and I'm like, this fucking guy is comfortable. I mean, his little microphone ain't shaking, you know, his hand ain't shaking. I'm glad it comes off that way, at least. No, yeah. I mean, Cassius, you're on to something. You're right to something. I mean, you know, you could, you know, in a year, you could pitch Rolling Stone and say,

hey, your magazine sucks ass. Let's go fucking digital and give me the back page division of concerts, pictures. You're a one-man show right now. I don't know if you know that, brother. And if you blog about it, that's definitely the highest word. Listen, you put a Facebook group page together

and call it my concert blog and little interviews on there. You're a hit, bro. You got some sponsors. You're good to go. You quit your fucking liquor store job. In a year, you commit to that. Yeah.

No, that's the goal. And it means really a lot to me to hear that. I really just want to take it to new heights. And I also just want to show that you don't need a huge corporation. You don't need a huge studio. You don't need to be co-signed by big businesses to get your word out there, to get paid from your home. to be your own boss to be, you know, the ring leader behind the show.

I do have one collaborator. His name is Jesse Yon Fong, and me and him are going to be hit in L.A. in December and doing some work. He's born and raised out there. You're going to make sure you come into the studio? What's that? You're going to come in and see us and do a bong hit with us finally? It would be an absolute honor. I've been training, as you would call it.

I've been training to meet you guys with the reefer. So we've got to do that. Oh, I'm so fucking excited. Listen, man, you've, uh, You've made me a fan, you know. I'm a fan of yours. You've made me believe in the system. I'm happy that my beliefs are still alive,

that there's still people who don't give a fuck. Yeah. This is what I want to do, and I don't give a fuck. You know what I'm going to do? I got $3,000 in the bank. My rent is $750 a month. That means I'm good for three months and a couple fucking groceries. I'm going to start blogging, taking pictures.

I'm going to put all the concert tickets on a fucking visa card and I'm going to take a chance and I'm going to take a chance I got some gold my mother got some bonds that my grandmother left me and that's my emergency fund I'm going for this and if you really go for something like that like what you're doing pictures a blog boom and get a couple sponsors to your page it's endless like I said what how many people really buy Rolling Stone magazine is it online Rolling Stone magazine I'm sure some form of it is yeah you know Yeah, they have a website with articles. Yeah, I would just attack them right now and go listen, you're like that fucking almost famous guy.

You know, he's 16, right? You're like the almost famous guy. You're like whatever, Cameron. Well, Cash, I said that movie's great. At this point, you probably won't even need a job when you move to L.A. But for something in L.A. that's frustrating for me is, and just for a lot of people in our industry, is you have to do everything. Like so it's amazing that you already are doing that with a pick. Like when you apply for jobs or you see job posting is out there now for even entry-level PA jobs,

they want you to know how to take pictures, do graphic design, video, editing, audio, and you have to be a one-man crew. Are you serious? They want you to know graphic design and everything? I mean, for the ones I was applying to. And like, there are some that are like they're just putting it on there to hope that you have it. But yeah, they want you to know everything. They want you to know all these programs.

They want you to have a real from a very young age. So the fact that you have Gene Simmons on your reel, like that, they just do 30 seconds of that. And plus is on your reel. Some of the bigger ones I've had was Eric Singer of Kiss. I had Tommy Chong recently. I talked to Carly Ray Jepson. And rest in peace, John Dunsworth. I did two interviews with him.

One of them was about three months ago, and he passed today. But he was one of the biggest ones from Charlie, Boys, rest and peace, John. You're really out there, man. What of the concerts are you looking forward to to see that are coming to your area? One of the biggest ones that I'm looking forward to seeing is Jay-Z.

I mean, I'd never in a million years thought I would see Jay-Z, but they built a really crazy state-of-the-art arena in Edmonton now. It's actually the number one arena in North America. So all of a sudden, we're just getting a flood of artists that we never got to see before. Like, we got Tool recently. I saw them for the first time.

Life-changing. Yeah, it's been really fun out here. Edmonton is really a good place to be for what I'm doing, and I try to take full advantage of it. I'll tell you what's going to be life-changing. Is Roger Waters Tuesday night? Oh, yeah. I'm going with my sister and possibly even my mother

who loved Roger Waters in the 10th grade, and it's just, it's going to be beautiful. Ari went and Ari called me that night, fucking blown away, and I had to calm him down. Like, I had to explain to him. He couldn't understand. And I told him, I had to go, listen, that's 40 fucking years. We're doing comedy 20.

Think of 40 fucking years, how sharp you are. Right? When the dark side of the moon come up? I mean, that's not that first hour. 72, I think. 75, right? I think. Okay.

Is it 75? 73. What is it? Sorry, who? Lee will tell us. 73, March. Flying Jew will tell us. Yeah. 73.

So before that, I think it was like. they had like the first album is Piper at the gates of dawn and then they had a couple of them after that the first time I really heard them was with money was dark side of the moon and then I got infatuated

and I went and bought Umma Guma by mistake but that took me that was a little weird and then I... That's a crazy record right then I bought Wish You Were Here and then animals

and then you know I was waiting for fucking the wall to come out like I was right there So I think of the wall. I think of what he did to me with the wall. In reality, the wall made me not want to see anything ever again.

Yeah. Like that's how good. When I saw it in 1980, February of 1980, I was blown the fuck away. Yeah, I did some fucking double barrel sunshine acid or whatever the fuck I was doing. That'll help. I did a bunch of drugs for that. but he was, they were phenomenal. They had taken me somewhere else

that I had never been before at entertainment. And I saw everybody except Led Zeppelin and like Deep Purple, but I saw everybody from that 70s crew. I didn't see Elton John, I don't think. I think I saw it John years later,

but not in that when he was throwing heat when I was a kid. Ping Floyd took me and opened my head that night. Like, it took me three or four nights to get over it. And I can't mess. Imagine that was 1980 is what, 37 fucking years ago. If he was that sharp back then, what is it going to be like this time around?

It's going to be a next level type of show. I mean, it's very public how much Trump stuff is going to be in this show. And again, it just speaks on the times that we're in. And that's what I love about Roger Waters. I mean, back in 72, 73, they were pushing the boundaries, talking about politics. He's talking about politicians in a negative light when it was frowned upon. And like you said, 40 years, he's still doing that. He's still pushing those buttons and standing up for what he believes in.

And he's touring across America. I mean, this guy has the balls of Dr. Dre on a Tuesday, you know? So his, when you say that his concert involves a lot of Trump stuff, what's he doing on there? Oh, he's doing everything. I mean, when he's doing pigs saying, you know, Shurab. Rod, you are. He's showing Trump up on the screens, and he's got Trump on the pig floating around the arena. Hilarious.

Yeah. Hilarious. It's the real deal. Hilarious. See if Roger Waters is coming to Los Angeles. Joey, I think you should really go, because I was honestly, I was really hoping you go to Black Sabbath, and I think that you really should. Out of respect for them. And yourself, I know you love that stuff.

You know, man. I was leery of concerts, you know, like I said, I saw everybody. I think now the price, the prices they charge you to park. Yeah. I fucking hate that shit. You know, I fucking hate that shit that I'm going to go to a concert with Lee, and it's going to cost me 50. Just a fucking park, you know, like at a UFC event or a Nick of Beck.

Bacher event or when my friends go to see the Nets of the Yankees, it's fucking up there to park, you know, and all that shit takes away. After this thing in Vegas three weeks ago, I really got to look at the situation. You know, I'm thinking to go

into a World Series game for the Dodgers. I'm thinking to bring him my daughter. And then any concerned citizen would have to think, well, what's it going to be like at the World Series? Is they going to be a fucking mass shooter or something like this at a fucking game now.

So this lingers in the back of your mind. You know, I don't know how bad it is up in Canada, but, you know, this last Vegas thing really, it took me three days to get over it. Oh, yeah. No, it's terrible. And we felt the effects of it here in Canada. I know after the thing in the UK with Ariana Grande, I went to the first concert in Edmonton after that was the chili peppers.

And security was so, so tight. You know, that was the night that, like, I kind of guess I made the wrong moves in the photo fit, and I basically got attacked and thrown out of there. Like, everybody was really on edge. But, you know, we feel for everybody involved. Yeah. Jesus Christ. I can't imagine going to a concert now and trying to fucking relax, at least for me.

I'm not going to lie to anybody. At least for me. A concert for me is to fucking take two edibles and smoke some dope, and I'm not going to drink. Oh, yeah. I'm going to pay fucking attention, cashes. but it's to sit there and watch the guitar player and feel the power from the drums

when I heard that that dude on stage and I heard that fucking machine gun going off I'd fucking have an anxiety attack and faint I would never dream of getting hit at a fucking concert like that I've seen fist fights at concert I've seen Stephen Tyler get punched in the face in Jersey at the soap factory

I've seen some fucked up shit concerts. I never heard 60 people getting shot, man. And I'm sorry if you're listening to this. I still haven't gotten over this, man. I still haven't gotten over. No, it's a national tragedy. Let me tell you something. When I was on stage a couple times

this week, I actually caught myself looking at the light, like going, is this somebody pointing, you know, like this stays in your mind, man. When you're up on stage, when you're out in public, whether you're at a horse track, you know, so but I promise you,

that if Roger Waters is coming to town, what to date, Lee? He was here in June, unfortunately. Well, he'll do a second half to the tour. He likes his fucking paper. If he comes, I promise you that I will try to go see him, because I want to go. After Ari called me that excited, I felt like, fuck, I fucked up again. Absolutely. Yeah, no, I totally understand, though.

And you saw all these guys in their heyday back in the 70s, so I understand that there's probably not the same urgency that I feel having never seen any information of these bands. But I feel like if he went, you'd probably thank yourself. You know what, man? But I think you're going to get a better version than I got. How fucking scary is that? That guy is for the 70.

How old is he 70? 67. If I'm 54, he's got to have me by 15 fucking years. How old is Roger? Gene Simmons is 68, so he must be older than Gene Simmons. Wow. How long was your interview total with him? It was five and a half minutes just because he seemed so incredibly exhausted from his big weekend.

And I was honored to even just be there. I didn't want to push it. You know, you got to respect people's time. So no, A's Freely? No, he totally kiboshed that. And actually, when he opened the curtain to tell the people outside the curtain to be quiet, I thought he was walking out because I asked him that question. Now, let me ask you this.

Have you ever reached out to A's Freely? I have so many times. Me too. And he totally said no, have you? He doesn't even answer me. If he said no to you, at least you're lucky. He's 74. I would love to see him on you guys' show.

Oh, my, I think I would have a heart attack, just a laughter. I would laugh. Every time I hear his interviews, I fucking laugh my ass off. I think he's the funniest person in the world, to me. He's so real and he's so let loose. That's what you have to be like to be a really good comedian. and since he doesn't do it for a living and he's been doing it being a crack up all his life he's so fucking good at it now yeah no he's totally next level he was the true rock star of

kiss he was the only one who really was out there you know eating those gorilla biscuits the bazookas and you know he was really out there with the women and everything and he he did it big you know the other members of kiss had the music but they didn't have that i told you that I lived in Boulder. When I went back to Boulder, I got my life together in 94. I was working for a sports betting service, and I had a friend, Sammy,

and I was tight with Sammy. Sammy was a pimp and shit. He was 30, and his girlfriend was 50, but a family owned like nine Chinese restaurants somewhere in the fucking country, so he was living at home driving a portion and shit, but him and her had, and she's dead. God rest of soul.

one of the sweetest women I haven't met in my life. When I was dead broke, Cassius, they would call me at the house and go, we're going on a date to a movie theater. We left the door open. Come over and made you fucking Chinese food, watch your favorite movie and wait for us. It was mind-boggling.

And one night, they just happened to rip out. You know, I don't know how many pictures of them with Ace Freely in Connecticut. totally all right and I mean I mean you had to see that he was probably like you know like Ace Freely was

doing a ton of drugs and he would just talk to anybody he ended up hanging out with Sammy for about two or three years and they became tight and Sammy never took a picture of it because he was embarrassed

but he said he was in his car many a time and if you opened up the glove compartment he would have a slide-out mirror there. Nobody's ever done that. I've never heard of anybody doing that. Why would Sammy make that up? You know, I didn't see it, but

why would Sammy make that up? I mean, he had pictures of him at a table with beers everywhere, and fucking mirrors doing coke with Sammy. I mean, you know, Sammy was a heavy dude, and Ace freely was, and I heard that Ace was just crazy, and that's how I got into

Ace. Like I said, I listened to Kiss when I was 12 and 11, but my buddy died, and I promised him I would never listen to Kiss again until I saw him again in heaven. But I cheated recently. Yeah, I remember hearing that. Yeah, I cheated recently.

I put rock and roll on. What's that one? Rock and roll over maybe. Yeah, oh my God. Oh, yeah. I want you and all that shit. That's my shit. Yes.

And Kiss Alive, which the last couple days of today was the 40th anniversary, which makes it around right. I was 14. So yeah, kiss a lot, yeah, yeah. You need to check out Ace Fraley's 1978 solo album. Just sit back, give yourself an hour, and be blown away. What's the name of the album?

It's just called Ace Fraley. Back in 78, I'm sure you remember, they all released their own Kiss solo albums on the same day. So all four originals competed. An Ace by a landslide was the craziest album. You had like psychedelic, Jimmy Hendricks type stuff. Really won't disappoint. Okay. No, no, I'm a fan of his song.

So what's next for Cash's brother? No, I know you. Dog. Listen, I am a huge fan of yours. I have the utmost respect for you. You know, even now, tonight after you told me that you dumped a girlfriend, nobody who's 19, dumps a little monkey, a lot, hot little piece of ass for some fucking faggy podcast career. But you did it, brother.

And I got a lot of respect for you. And I wish you all the best. She's a beautiful girl. No. Have you remained friends with you? No, there's no need for that. Cold-blooded Cassius Morris. Jesus Christ. Love him and leaving.

I mean, do you want to be at the top or not? No, listen, this is what I tell Lee all the time. Lee thinks I'm fucking around here. Thank God you came on the show. Lee thinks I play games and I make these mind things up, that there's a point in your life where you really have to do inventory. For me, I mean, you're doing it at 19, which, I mean, My heart goes out to you.

You're a fucking savage. I didn't do anything like that until I got into comedy. But then it's weird. You start, there's people you push away just because you know that you can't even get close to them. Why would I even instigate this? I'm going to leave $50 on the thing so she could buy a bracelet, and I'm just blitting. You know what I'm saying? Why?

Then you get this power. You really get this power once you fall in love with what you're doing. that you start saying no to a lot of things. Yeah. And that's when you go to a complete different level in your life, in your career. Once you start sacrificing the things you love, I really love football.

But if I can make $2.50 on a fucking Sunday and get the education I want to go where I need to go, this is what I'm going to do. And when you do like three or four of them, once you show yourself, You could go without, that's one of the strongest things that you'll ever feel in your life. Like when I went to prison, when I went to prison, bro, I thought I was going to kill myself after two days with no marijuana. But the truth was, after a week, yeah, I had insomnia, and yeah, I had some type of withdrawal.

And, you know, but let me tell you something, I lived. And my body learned how to sleep without marijuana, and I did just fucking fine. Would I do it today? No, there's no need to. There's no need. There's no need. I spoke to Duncan today. He's flying in next week.

And I go, you're going to see anybody? He goes, fuck, no, I'm staying away from those sober fucks. I die the fucking laughter. He goes, I've been getting high all month. He goes, I've been getting high all month. Gashis, man. I got to tell you something. I'm really proud of you.

I'm a fan. And keep doing what you're doing. Thank you so much. How long are you going to be in L.A. for it? How long are you going to be down here? I'm hoping to go down there for a week, and we're hoping to just cram in a ton of work, a ton of promotion for the Cassius Morris show,

getting the iTunes page popping, YouTube page popping, and just keeping our goals at the number one, being the number one focus. And thank you guys again for having me on. Lee, I love you, man. No, you have to go. Hold on. So you'll be here for a week, hopefully. Where are you staying at?

I'm not sure yet. We haven't even got to booking yet. We're just starting to plan the trip and plan the spots that we want to hit right now. Okay. Well, listen, this is one of the spots. I like that. Oh, you can't even go to the comedy store. I can't.

I'm only 19. And what about the ice house? Didn't, wasn't there something that someone had to do, like have security bring them in to do the spots or something? Maybe we could get like a, maybe he could. Yeah, but Cash isn't doing the spot. Okay, that's true. I want Cash is to come ahead. I was thinking about the underground podcast studio.

Where is that? in the store. That might work. We might get you down there day, Tom. I could talk to Eleanor. Absolutely, brother. That would be great. Anything I can do to help you.

Like I said, you get a lot of my respect. You're a fucking giant amongst kids your age. Amongst people a lot older than them. Yeah, yeah. So whatever we could do for you here at the church, you got it, brother. Happy Halloween for you. Thank you so much, Uncle Joey. The fact that you guys have been there since day one really means a lot.

Like, you were the first episode of my non-Kiss podcast, and you believe in me from day one. So that will always mean the world to me. Trust me. You know, I don't fuck around, brother. I see Hart when I see it. So thank you for calling in and keep doing what you're doing. Absolutely.

And I hope everybody checks out the Cassius Morris Show, and we have a new episode coming out tonight with comedian Drew Bame, so check it up. Help people. That's what I'm talking about. Always promoting on the way out. This kid's a savage. That's why I love him.

With some Tony Bennett, kid. Absolutely. Much love you guys. Take care, buddy. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. I want to be around to pick up the pieces. When somebody breaks your heart,

some somebody twice as smart. I'm a somebody who will swear to be true as you used to do with me. Let me get some shoutouts real quick to you fucking savages. Lorne Rosencum, my main Jason Sullivan, Dave Belmonti, my man, Gino, who gave me the CD, Lorenzo Toledo, you know, I love your brother. I'm sorry I didn't see you down there. Scott Carpenter fucking paranoid

album The Weber game of the album Thank you My girl fire god is Beth My man Leon And listen My brother Bobby Sharon And Crystal

Have a podcast What's it called now CobraCast CobraCast It's up for an award It's up for the ward If you live in the Texas area Austin

Do me a favor Look him up And what's going on I'm all right Oh Look the fuck You're breaking my shit Where you know I forget

Look up Bobby Sharon's podcast, Cobra cast, and vote for it. He's family. He does a great job with the fucking podcast, and he's one of the sweetest guys I know. And Crystal's fucking Dynamite, too. So do me a favor. Give you the Texas area.

I think you have to live in Austin. If you live in Austin, go over there and help my brother out. Number two, I'll see you motherfuckers in January. Number three. And number three, Danny Brown is down there. And he said that. When we go down there now, we got a Chinese joint together.

Oh, shit. It's a rapper guy that We're gonna cook Chinese food And he goes, It ain't chance, but it's damn close And they got egg rolls and everything So when we go to Austin in January You're gonna get your dream

To eat some good Chinese food in Austin I'm so excited Is it like a Chinese rapper or? I don't fucking know I didn't ask particular cock sucker Don't forget Thursday night, comedy on Broadway Lexington, Kentucky

Louisville, all you motherfuckers in Kentucky Paducah, I'll be seeing you cocksuckers down there. Don't forget about me. I'm excited to go back to Lexington. Number two, what was I going to say to you guys? That was, uh,

I almost had a heart attack talking to that fucking young kid, Cassius Morris. He's a great kid. Well, I would never think of dumping some chick for my fucking career at 19. When we're 19, I know men today. I know 50-year-old men that have no fucking control, you know, that they don't see, like, they can't weigh the balance between what's the important thing in your life

and how to get the most out of both and this 19-year-old kid and listen, man, every once in a while you bump into people that let you know your beliefs are still alive. I went to Tampa and I became friends,

I asked this dude, where's the best Cuban sandwich? He told me, El Duque, whatever, restaurant, Elsa Gundo, restaurant. And I go, you're Cuban? We start talking. but he was talking to me in English

I go how long you've been here because I just got here in January I go you know English already he goes yeah I fucking took a class a 90 day class and now I study at home and I learned talking to the people here I go how'd you get this job

he goes I got this job he was the head he goes I started as a maintenance man then the guy on top of me quit so now I run the department nine fucking six months he's been there nine months he's been in the country six months he's had a job there he bought a car he got a driver's license he's got some type of apartment only him and his wife came he doesn't have any kids when i hear shit like that that somebody did that my fucking head blows up his he was his spanish he wasn't no fucking you know no no no no stand-up comic but i understood what he was saying and he had a little paper with him just in case he got stuck and he wanted to

say a word, you know, like a little fucking dictionary. A little cheat sheet or something? Like a little cheat sheet. So that was pretty impressive to see. Sometimes, like, if I see, like, I saw some homeless people the other night. And I just started thinking. I was like, I don't know if I have the strength

to be homeless. So in other situations, like, for like a guy who can end up homeless, obviously you got no fucking strength. So that's number one. Number two. Being homeless, there's various reasons. That's true. Like, there's a guy that lives under the bridge on Magnolia there.

Right. He's been there for fucking 90 days. You know, when you stop there, you could tell he's on meth. Like, he probably lives in the bushes at night. But I've seen him under the bridge when we finished a podcast sometime. And I go for a drive down to 7-Eleven or something. You know, there's various fucking reasons. Right.

Mental health is definitely one of the issues. And I don't look down. I see them as stronger than me because I just, and people from Cuba. Like, if I had to go somewhere where I didn't speak the language, I've always been terrible at speaking languages. I don't, it's something that I think I would avoid for that reason. Well, and that guy you met probably came here for a hopefully better life. Yeah, no, that's, it's a dream.

Right. It's like Cassius Morris. It's like, whatever. Listen, you can't imagine being homeless. No. To your homeless. Listen, you don't know what it's like. when you're in a bar until three, and you're dreading three.

Because you've got to find a place to go. I did that leave for about five weeks total. You know, I did it for like seven or eight days, then I got a place to stay for a while. I would have a hotel room. And then there was like fucking, I don't know how many days in a row that I went to that fucking thing. And then I would take a night off and go to a hotel

and warm up for a night and then get another $42 to house to stay. an extra night. But I'd be back in that fucking rocket ship. Let me tell you, there's not a night. You know why I like a cold

that night? Why? To remind me, I would have felt like those nights when I slept out there. Like to remind me what they fucking felt like.

Is it even possible for you to forget? I don't think... No, I never forgot that. It wasn't sexual abuse. It wasn't mental abuse. It was self-inflicted addiction abuse.

When your addiction, is so bad that you don't care about your fucking sleeping habits. You don't care about your sleeping arrangements. Sorry about that. That's what it was. You know how sad that is? I fucking wouldn't pay $6,000 dollars because I'd rather put it in my nose. So that first night, or whatever, and maybe not even that first night,

whenever it hit you that you were homeless, what was that like? You don't want to think about it. you don't think about it. You just play along, and a fantasy becomes in your head. And just like I wanted to be a comic and Cassius, you have this fantasy that you're going to bump into $800 and get like a fucking apartment someday. So that's what keeps you alive. You know, you go, wow, next week it's going to be warm.

You know, like, that's how I looked at. It's going to be warm. I might as well spend it on blow. When I think about that time, it makes me want to fucking puke. But I learned a lot sleeping on that tear, on that metal. I learned a lot about myself. You know, come on, man. Half those nights, I would cry myself to sleep.

But then I'd pick myself up, and I'd finish my Coke, and I'd jerk off again, and I'd pass out and wake up the next morning, and then I'd promise myself that was the last time I was in sleeping that wrong. rocket ship, but by 4 o'clock, you know, I knew I was on sleep in a rocket ship. At least somebody would say to me, where you've been sleeping at? And I go out of a friend's house or something, you know, but you could stay here. That's the only way I would have gave it. But after a while, I didn't want to stay with people home.

Because I was just going to fuck up our friendship. It was easier for me to stay at that rocket ship. And just stop by your house when your parents ain't home, brush my teeth, wash my face, combed my maybe jump and get a hot shower. And it was a lot easier for me then than staying with somebody. Like, that's how bad it got. Like, I would just cause havoc in your house. Were you even enjoying cocaine at this point?

I was enjoying it a lot. So it's even fun, even when you're homeless. It makes that fun. What? Listen, I was homeless for 10 hours of my day. So for 14 hours, stop with that fucking bottle already. Mike. I'm sorry.

So for 14 now, you're the producer. You know better than that. I didn't mean to do that bottle. That's not the third time you did a cock sucking with that crippy bottle. These bottles blow, too. We've got to get a hard bottle. I got a different kind this time. We'll see.

Thank you for getting it, though. You're a savage. It was, I just didn't, I don't know. I still remember the feeling of that metal with the ridges on it. Have you ever seen when you go on a kid's playground, how the metal stuff has ridges on it, even the rubber stuff now. has ridges on.

Every time I look at those ridges, I get flashbacks of those nights. When I go home at night and I put my sleep back near mask on and the fan's blown and it's cold in there already and I cover my head for five seconds

that feeling comes back. And my body goes, like... You check to make sure you're in a house? I had like a fucking hooded sweatshirt with like a winter jacket

with gloves and that's how I would sleep. I would clean the spot off with my jeans and my shoe. I would take my sock off and clean it. My feet would be drenched and stinky from having the same shoes on all day, so I'd take my shoes off and socks to give them there. I'd fucking wake up in the middle of the night. My feet would be icicles.

Because remember, I slept out there like a little bit after Halloween, and then I got my act together, but then I went back out there. the two weeks after, like, I started sleeping in like two days before Christmas. I finally got a place. I said, you know what? I cannot spend Christmas in a fucking rocket ship. I don't know.

For people who don't live on the East Coast, it was probably 19 in the single digits when you were sleeping outside in December. You know, until this day, I don't know what the fuck they're talking about with frostbip. But that year, I'm going to tell you something. That year, I'm not going to lie, it was a mild winter. It was a mild winter, and it picked up, like, it picked up after I got in the hotel. Thank God. You know, the holidays are usually mild in the East Coast. You get a couple of winter spurts before that.

Like, I could see in the Yankee game tonight, they already had winter jackets on. But there's that little warm spurt, you know, when you call me from Boston and go, it's 70 degrees. And it really is. But right after Christmas, it just drops into January. and that's when I wasn't in the rocket ship. I'm not going to lie to you about that. Thank God. That was when it was brutal.

Remember the night I left North Bergen, I went to bed at maybe four Lee, you know, maybe four in a hotel room. And when I woke up at eight, there was a foot of fucking snow on the ground. And I had to walk the pathmark with my sneakers, and I was sick and come back, and then I had to loo the drug dealer.

You have no fucking idea. And then Mr. T. came, who I did not call when I was in fucking Tampa this weekend. Because you know what? Mr. T lives in Sarasota. My teacher who saved my life, it's an hour away. So that means he would have had to drive an hour to me, watch the show, and then drove an hour back. I should have just got him a hotel room. I didn't think about it as I was on a fucking plane home.

That dude saved my life on January 1st, 1985. He got me out of the rocket ship. And I ended up staying with him and his face. family and now his two kids one of them is a honcho for CBS so every time he comes in the town I meet him by Warner Brothers and we go to lunch and shit and talk about his father that's great weren't you with us the one night yeah Nick I don't know was that in front of the comedy store and we're talking about my teacher we were doing blow with and shit probably that was Nick that was his son yeah that that was uh you know I wouldn't I wouldn't I was

who the fuck knows when my head was at late when I was sleeping in that rocket ship I'm being up there one night and having like three grams of coke and having like a party up there four in the morning by myself and people would drive by like in those days if you were if you got a bag of coke and you were at a bar before you went home if you lived uptown you drove down 88 street park because you knew if people were out they're going to be parked there. Like there was a couple spots in North Bergen at that time.

There was the Coat Factory. You guys are party in the park? Yeah, we'd drink at a bar till three. All right? You'd snort Coke at a bar till three. And then you'd go to a park. 88th Street Park, 67th Street. There was the Coat Factory or 64th Street Field.

And I would park behind you and I'd get in the car with you. And we'd have a mirror out. And we'd get beers and we'd just drink beers and snort Coke in the car. And then every 20 minutes, somebody has to get out to pee. You know, that's a fucking nightmare. So you're out there freezing. Yeah, dog, we used to snor coke outside in cars. Jesus.

But the famous spot was the Coe Factory on 67th and Cottage Avenue. If you go back there today, I guarantee your fine cocaine back there today, left there from 30 fucking years ago. Somewhere. And there was an upper lot and a lower lot. Okay. So it was a Co-Factory that's been there forever. In fact, one of the...

One of those houses across the street is where the Iceman lived. Right. Like, 1960 fucking six. That's where he was first married. That's where he fucking lived on that street. 67th and cottage. Look at up, Cuckuckers, if you don't believe me. But that was the main cocaine spot.

Okay. The Coat Factory. When somebody said, where am I meeting you at 3.30? We were behind a Coat Factory. And there was a lower level and there was a higher level. And if I described this to you Lee, you would not believe it. It would be five cars parked back there, parked decently, and everybody in those cars doing cocaine.

If the weather was warm, you'd get out outside and drink beer. And one of the cars had a mirror in the trunk with coke in the fucking mirror. Where were the cops? The cops are drive by every once in an hour, but as long as we weren't making noise and nobody was doing anything, we knew the cops. It wasn't how it is now

that they'd pull in on you and nothing like that. Jesus. I still remember being on fucking this, they used to be an A&P parking lot. Like 80-something in Bergen-Line Avenue. When I just graduated,

I dropped out high school, but the year I was supposed to graduate, me and the guys I graduated were getting high one time at the A&P parking lot with the Coke mirror on top of the hood of the car right out in the open

like nothing. What time of the day? 11.30 at night. You know, the Bergen Lane Avenue was the main fucking street in North Bergen. I'm lying to you. No, no, no, no, no. It was late. I'll tell you why I remember. Because we were parked in the parking lot.

And, I mean, we weren't parked in a spot. We were parked where somebody would drive. Like, we didn't give a fuck. All right. They would shut the lights out behind Pathmark. And unless you really looked in there, you couldn't really see anybody unless there was 20 cars. If there was one car and four people standing outside with beers, they wouldn't pull over. But if there was like 20 people and five cars, they'd pull over.

If you stop the AMP parking lot. Right. So you went in like a couple cars. Right. So this night, there was just four of us with one car. Gotcha. With the mirror on top of the hood of the. the fucking car and we're doing

cocaine outside and we're giggling and we're having a nice time and we see this guy walking like with no shirt on or some shit. I don't forget. I don't remember all the particulars and in that time we used to fuck with people. Right? We used to call him over and talk to him and tell him

oh you're with this guy and the guy would know what you were talking about and shit so we go over there and we start talking to the guy and one of my friends tells like I listen do you mind if we suck your dick and the guy don't know what to do this poor bastard.

This guy was a half of mum more as it was and now we give him a beer we make him feel at home and my friend says

listen what do you think you think we can suck your dick and this guy starts panicking and shit and he runs he runs down the street the beer falls out of his hand

and the next thing you know he fucking waves down a cop car right there as he's running out of the parking lot a cop car season

and he's like hello hello those kids go there they want to suck my dick and shit so oh fuck so my friend Pelly Roger was his car so he jumped in the car and started and put the car in reverse and the mirror it slid off the parking lock it's slew off the hood the mirror slid off the hood and the glass it wasn't a mirror it was an inch piece of glass

we had robbed his house and it was a fucking designer He robbed his house? No, no, no. We had robbed our house. Oh, got it. And you know how you have a bedstand? Right. These were the two bedstands, but they were locked.

So in those days, if I came in your house and something was locked, and I didn't have the right tools, I took it to go. So we took both bedstands. Wait, so you took a nightstand? A nightstand, like the ones that are sitting next to your bed. You just took it. Picked it up, went downstairs with it. God damn it.

But the beauty of it was that it had a piece of glass on it. That was about an inch thick and about 18 inches across each way. It was just a square, you know? Right. And I said, fuck it. I'll take the whole thing. Oh, God. And I took both fucking bed.

I used to take everything in those days, Lee. I didn't fucking know. Like, I didn't know. So let's say I go into your house and there's a safe. Right. Like after like 1982, right before I went to Colorado the first time ever, I met this dude in North Bergen. I met him to a friend that the United States. Lorenzo's.

Oh, no. That's fucking... The way you said that's not good. The De Lorenzo. The De Lorenzo's. There was Kurt, Chrissy Fish, and fucking Bonehead.

Good. That's always good. This is one of the stories of Bonehead. Okay. So Bonehead's family knew this guy. So I became friends of him.

And we were talking, he's the one that used to give me jobs to case joints out, like warehouses. And he taught me a couple things. And I go, so if the safe way, you know, if you can't break into

the safe. Right. What are you doing? He goes, we take it to go. And then we figure it out. He goes, there's a guy over in the city that for 10% he'll crack your safe. He's like a guy in development. So you might take a while, maybe 8, 10 hours. But there's another guy that wants 25%. And he'll break into any safe for you. So all you need to do is take the safe to go. And they'll figure it out once you get it home. But you can't bring it home because sometimes they have those detectives on them. You know what I'm saying? So you got to take them to the warehouse. The guy's got to be waiting. You got to bust it open and then dump the fucking safe. So much planning goes into it, I guess. So I started taking shit. Anything I couldn't get into? If you locked it, there must have been something in there, valley.

That was my fucking philosophy. God damn it. What are you goddamn about? Well, no, it's like you think you're protecting. They sell all this stuff. Protect yourself. No, if I go into your house and you have a little tin. okay like a little tin box

like a fishing box and it's got the combination on it and you've got cash in there and maybe some blow do you know how many of those things I took when I was robin and I could not believe how people really

thought that somebody wouldn't figure it out that they just take the box all you had to do with those things just got a screwdriver and just fucking stick one it on one end and one on the other end

and just go in the wrong opposite direction and those things would bust fucking open when your heart's beaten and you want that cocaine I would be like I'd have the strength of fucking 10 hokes I would stick two fucking steady screwdrivers, the thick ones

and just pull the opposite direction and those boxes pop right open and you're just letting me know where everything is I'm going to take the whole box to go so if you got a house and you got one of those boxes, do me a favor. Put 400 in there and leave it at that and leave it open. So when the kid does come in your house and he gets to 400,

that's all he thinks he got, because that's your secret compartment. You got another place hidden inside the closet behind two suits in the wall. That's where you have your 9,500. In case there's an earthquake, in case you got to make a move. That's where you got your birth certificate. That's where you have the other thing. you know that's how you a bullet prey

if you're a co-dealer if Lee knows I sell fucking ounces and I know Lee's a thief I'm always going to leave an eight ball out so if the guy comes in in a rush he finds an eight ball and he goes

I'd rather you take an eight ball than you take four ounces from me I would come into people's houses and they'd have all the coke together like an asshole that they were sometimes they got hip and they separated the pure shit from the cut shit, but I'd find it.

I wouldn't even do that. I'd leave two piles of cut shit out for them. One with a little rock, and you always leave 200 for the mouse. Because you've got to assume the guy who's breaking into your house is an amateur, and he's racing against the clock. So if I see Lee go,

and I see that he pulls into Subway Sandwich, I run up to your house, kick the fucking door down, run into your bedroom, open up your drawers, open up your bureaus, I'm going to find something in your bureaus and I'm going to find something in your little fucking faggy bedstand. You're going to have something hidden in one closet and something hidden on the other. You're always going to have little bites for them so they think they want.

But your big bites are really, really hidden good. And did you only learn this or come up with this because of your experiences? I learned this from being a thief. Right. I thought it was the dumbest things with people. if you have a safe and it's locked it tells me you have something I'm taking the fucking thing

I don't have anything in my house but it's If I could take the thing I'll take the thing to go Now it's very difficult it's easier said than done Where I parked the car when I came up here I didn't know there was a safe in Lee's house He was in the second floor I got to walk down a set of stairs Or get on an elevator

He's at subway sandwich What if he pulls up is I'm going to walking out of his house with his fucking safe. Fucking Christ. So you're always racing against the clock. So if you're an amateur or you're a junkie like I was and I'm a drug dealer

and you break into my house, I'm going to leave little things for you so you think you want. If I'm a four ounce every couple day fucking dealer and I do a little bit of blow two nights a week

and I fucking go to New York City I like her, like let's say I live in North Bergen and I go over the bridge to New York City and my sister lives with me so she watches but on this night she went shopping you have that time window to break into my house you're going to go in there out fast if I tell you I'm leaving for a weekend

oh I'm dead you're going to find my loot because only an idiot wouldn't you got the whole weekend leaves in San Diego he told a friend of mine He was in Sandy Angle, and bust into his house. Would you go to borrow it on, like, scouting missions? No, you'd put somebody to follow him,

and then you'd call him at the bar or something and make sure he was there, or he'd call you at a pay phone. Fuck. And then I would put you at a pay phone across the street from the place I was robbing. So when I kicked in the door, the first thing I would do is spot you.

Okay. I'd be watching you. So every two things I do, every bedroom, I go into the bedroom, I get something, I come out and I watch you. If you're still clear, I go into a closet. If you're still clear, I go into a bedroom. If I come out and you're waving your hands,

that means get the fuck out of there. So the more time you give me, if I have a spotter, the more time I have in your room in two-minute intervals. So in two-minute intervals, I could look at your room and I could know the side of your activity. How often would you have a spotter? if I robbed five things maybe twice if it was

if I thought that there was only be people money in there like an kilo of coke or something and I never got nothing like that it was all in my imagination they would have a few ounces or six grand $1,800 cash

and was it all for drugs it was easy money Lee Easy money? Lee, it was easy money. I found, you take when I lived in Bowdo and Snow Mask Village with Jimmy Burkle. Okay.

You know, I was bored. I watched drug dealers patterns. And I was raised with drug deals. Okay. And I know good drug dealers are brilliant fucking people, how they, their job is not to be obvious. Right. And their job. is to deter you.

So even if you get to them, you're not getting their shit. Okay, so number one, the drug dealers I grew up with always moved their mother or their wife's mother in the house. That means there's always somebody there.

She may leave on Thursdays to go shopping, but on those days you purposely stay home. Did she know she's security? No, she has no fucking clue that she's even there. She has no clue why she's there and you're giving her 300 a week to stay.

Grosuries. Yeah, pay for her bingo and shit at night. So you get her out of bingo at night. That's when you do your drug dealing. And now people, you know, your grandmother's there all night. They're not going to try to bust into your house. That's number one.

Number two, you don't put the drug in your house. The drugs are never in your house. I go to you. I pay you rent and I come over once a week. I weigh my shit. I'll call you. You tell me Paul was not over. I come over, I throw you a little envelope. I take my Coke out of your spare bedroom.

Paul knows nothing. How long does that last for? Like, are you worried about neighbors seeing you too much? Not really. I'll switch it out. I'll have you and two other people. Gotcha. You know, you give a skinny girl that's hooked on coke a gram a week.

You go over there bang her and stash your shit in the safe over there. that she can't get a filthy pause. She tries all week? Yeah, they'll try all week. But you just get a girlfriend and stash your coke at her house. There's so many fucking ways. You know, but when you're dealing in that level, first of all, you don't want the drugs in your house

so you don't have access to them. If you come home at night from a bar, you don't want to have two ounces in your house when you bring some fucking blonde chick home. You want to make sure for you to get that Coke that has to be a struggle. You got to wake somebody up. You gotta embarrass yourself, you know what I'm saying?

So you'll put it on somebody who you know I can't knock on Paul's door at 3 in the morning. I know I can't wake Lee up at 3 in the morning. Besides that, Lee's one of my partners. So I don't want him to know I do coke anyway. That's why I give him the coke at night. But once Paula leaves, I go over that 8 in the morning. I pick up my shit. Lee makes me breakfast.

We bullshit. We talk about our activities for the day. And then that night I drop it off again. a fucking milkbox and he pulls it inside his house or something like that you know I'm just telling you like that right you haven't even mentioned the police yet

like is any of this worrying you I'm worried for you right now why because I don't want anyone to go to the jail like the the ultimate uh whatever

it makes you not want to do it I don't know what the term it deterrents yeah is what I'm talking about, deterrent? Well, jail would be a deterrent to me to do. I mean, obviously everyone wants to make quick money, but I think that's the reason everyone or most people probably don't sell drugs.

Like, like, even a moral, like, that's really the reason. Like, some people probably hate drugs, so that's part of it. But if you knew you weren't going to go to jail for it. Listen, bro, drugs, to sell drugs is the easy way out. We all know that. When I did it, I didn't even make more. money. I was such a fucking loser. So I decided to be a bottom feeder

and robbed drug dealers. You know, that's all it was. I learned how to do all that shit. You look at movement. You look at a lot of fucking things. But am I proud of it? No. But that's who I was then.

And it made me who I am today. So you can't look back and cry. Fuck it. Now you probably learned a lot of lessons. But now I know how to deter your house from fucking burglaries. Yeah. So you have, like, hitting compartments? I'm not going to ask you where they are, but... No, I don't have nothing in my house because I have my wife and a kid over there,

and I got the rings, and I got... No. Okay. But you're not worried about people breaking in? Oh, you always have to be worried. That's why I got the cameras and the fucking... The thing with the fucking ring in front that you could read the... That ring is fucking tremendous.

Yeah, it's very cool. That ring adds a whole new thing to it. So the guy next door run and his wife were talking to my wife. And they said if Terry bought the things that her son-in-law would install it. Oh, very nice. So he came over about a week ago when I was there and he was there for a couple of hours. I got him high. We cooked some gumbo for him and shit, some John Belia.

And even when I'm in the road, now I got to install the app. But now you have cameras all around the place? Yeah. Now you, this is the future. This is it. You have to now. You know, and you know what the main thing is? People stealing your boxes.

Yeah. My wife fucking lives off Amazon. You know, I'm home. If I'm home four hours in the daytime, that doorbell rings twice. Bing, bong. And then you go out and there's nobody there. And you look down, there's a box. That happens twice a fucking day in my house.

It's all the time. Yeah, it's all the time. We get toilet paper delivered. I had that issue with my phone a couple weeks ago. We've been there a year, and they've knocked on the door three times. already asking us if we saw a car at 1 o'clock. Jesus. So, I just

said, wait a second. I saw the commercial for ring and I saw the improvement they made. Listen, man, it's not, it could save your life. It's not, it's not better than a fucking gun. Right. But listen, when I pull up in my house,

you think I'm a fucking convict. Lights pop on from everywhere. It's crazy. My dad love those lights. Yeah, but lights pop on from everywhere. So, listen, we live in different times. The house came with an owner, and we upgraded it with the whole fucking thing, you know? You have to be careful now.

You have to think about it. You have to. So, it's a different world. It's a different fucking world. And that's how it goes. Don't forget this weekend, Lexington, Kentucky, Thursday, 8 o'clock. No, 7.15. show. This is early. I get you

motherfuckers out of there early and the weekend is like 7, 15, and 9 or something. Your dream? Yeah, on my dream. And I get back early on Sunday morning. It's going to be a fucking party, Jack. We got a great week. We got a great couple weeks. Danny Brown called today. We got Wheeler Walker. We got fucking Jay Larson

next week promoting this fucking show. That's great about comics in the beginning with the tapes and shit. it seems interesting as fuck. You know, I don't like none of that shit, but that shit blew me away. I think that's a brilliant idea. I won't even give it up anymore, so... Stay tuned, cocksuckers, but this is it.

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motherfuckers Thursday night at Lexington. Comedy on Broadway, Lexington, Kentucky. motherfuckers. Paducah, Louisville, let's do this shit, do this shit. Have a great day, man. Stay black. Uncle Joey loves you.