The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #530 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: November 2, 2017

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt discuss a message from a 23 year old who is unsure of his next step. Joey also talks about being a good self evaluator and a situation that made him feel naked and afraid.  This podcast is brought to you by: Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order and stop using nasty toilet paper forever!   Lyft - Sign up to drive at Lyft.com/joey and find out how you qualify to get a $500 new driver bonus.   Recorded live on 11/01/2017.
  

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So go to hellotushy.com and use the code church, C-H-U-R-C-H for 10% off your order. Kick that motherfucker, Mule Lee. Kick it, Lee. Kick it, kick it. I want a fucking speaker's blowing. Here you go. Oh shit, get down. Kick it, Lee, kick it, kick it.

Talk about it. Oh shit. I want to dedicate it. Talk about it. Shit, you bad motherfuckers. Wednesday, November 1st. You understand me? You're like, what, 55 days away from Christmas,

and you're sitting there thinking about your next fucking move. You better get it together, cuck sucker. The year's going to sneak up on you quick, and you're not going to know what fucking hit you. Anyway, welcome to the church of what's happened now. It's old school today. Myself and my little trusted fucking Christkiller, the original. Lee Syatt.

The one and only. The one and only motherfuckers. I want to thank all you motherfuckers for selling out Omaha this weekend. There's nothing left. One show, Friday, two shows. Saturday. And next week, you motherfucker sold out in New York already. So I guess we're going to blow that fucking block up.

I hope that poor little fucking whatever, don't live upstairs. No more. That guy left New York immediately after that week and then closed the window. The window. He sits still on fucking YouTube. But anyway, I want to thank you people. It's part of New York Comedy Festival, and I'm honored. I mean, you guys got Segoor and fucking our boy Ron White,

who I would be going to see. Like, if I live in New York, I'd be going to see fucking Ron White. I don't waste my time with Joey Dears. But thank you, anyway. You got Eliza Schleshings. You got a lot of motherfuckers. So I'm pretty happy that all worked out. I love Gotham.

You know, the VIP party is the pizza joint down the corner, 50 yards away from Gotham. It's always simple with Uncle Joey. There's no night live. The VIP parties at the pizza place. Whoever gets there first kills the first three stromboles. That's the rule. And we Uber right from there. Uber shows up right to the pizza joint.

You're right back over the fucking bridge. Nobody knows nothing. You have all three nights already planned? Planned. I had all four nights already planned. Meet with my fucking buddies Wednesday night. Thursday. I'm going to Brooklyn with Ari.

I'm coming back. I want to stop it at the fucking city. And then Friday, Saturday, we got Gotham. Ping, Pang, boom. No fucking around. And that's it. I'm pretty much done for the year. I got Irvine the night before Thanksgiving.

I got Sacramento, and I got my ear surgery. So I'm pretty much done. You're having another surgery? On my ear. Oh, no. They're putting a tube in my ear to drain my ear, so I don't have fucking flambago no more. So I don't have this fucking dizziness.

Oh, that's scary. Yeah, it's fucking scary. So I'm done. I'm done. For the last fucking three months, I've been working out with earplugs. Really? I got to fly with it. earplugs, not on. I just have to chew gum on the fucking plane. But when I shower, I have to have

earplugs. I don't know what, you can blow the fucking house up. I used to whack off in the shower. I can't know more because I got ear plugs on and you hear your heart beating. It's a fucking turn off. And then I got to wear fucking plugs when I lift or get any elliptical on the weekends or when I go to Jiu-Jitsu, I don't hear the timer. And it's horrible because you hear yourself breathe. You actually hear your heartbeat. So it took me like a month to get used to. So do you have big ear? Like, what is the issue? Who the fuck knows? I don't know. My canal is going into the fucking deep.

Deep, deep, deep into the ear and then the water stays in there. And then after a few days, my hearing goes. So, I get anxiety because like if I'm on a room, it takes a certain size room. And when people talk in those rooms, I got

to run out of there. Because all the sound goes into my one ear and it makes me have panic attacks. Like, the comedy store the original room those type of rooms give me panic attacks rooms that size when i'm going deaf plus my equilibrium's off so i feel like uh my my i got sick on the way to rogan i got sick on the way back from rogan i felt sick on the way back with you uh from the place nago out yesterday yesterday i got sick on the way home that's why i was quiet in the car for a while

and then i was sick the other day just going over the fucking hill so i went to the doctor and This is it. Like, I'm starting to get car sick now. Like, my daughter, I'm regressing to that fucking thing again. So I don't puke. I just get that feeling. Like, you're about to, you got to pull over and open the windows. When you see, I open the windows, when he has lasted.

That means I'm starting to get car sick. I thought my next small decommas or something, didn't you? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. So it's fucking weird. You got to take care of this shit. This is it. You know, when you get to a certain age, your three-year, 36,000-mile warranty wears out, and you're on your own after that.

Yeah, we were talking about that yesterday at lunch, and I spoke with my mom because she at like 30-something developed full-blown, like outdoor allergies. Never had them in her life. She's lactose intolerant now. We were talking about that at lunch. How you can just, things just change. Cheese affects people. Oh, my God. It's weird.

They started this fucking, somebody started a church of what's happening now page. Oh, on Facebook? Yeah, and it's either a dud or it's really, really good. Somebody started it. There's arguments there, you know, people hating on me. people hating on Rogan. It's hysterical. But the funny thing is that from time to time you get somebody posting something pretty

honest on there. And you go, wow, that guy gets it. You know? And yesterday somebody posted something about being 23, and he was kind of shell shock. You know, shit wasn't working out. Right.

And everybody wrote different things, you know, and I thought about it. And I sent him something. I wrote something on that was Sess's life. You have to step back to Sess and take a look and work on those areas, you know, and that, it's fucking petrifying to me being 20 again, you know, and most of the people I listen to this podcast

are getting out of college or just turning 30. The fucking ideal of it right now in today's world scares the fuck out of me. Sometimes when I bust your balls, Lee, I'm busting your balls because I'm scared for you. I know what the economy was like when I was going, growing up I knew the different hustles you know when I was young you didn't have to be well educated or educated that there was people who went quit high school and had high

paying jobs you know in union halls or union carpentry or shit like that or they became stock brokers or whatever the fuck that is but there was also a low-end thing there's people who don't want to do nothing there's some people who want to do everything right in life there's people want to be doctors, you know, Trump wanted to do this. You know, everybody wants to do something. But there's some people who just want to coexist. I was always one of those people. That was very happy by coexisting.

What does that mean? If you need $600 for rent, $200 for your car payment, and $300 for groceries, you make $100 more a month than that. Like, I was pretty satisfied to live my life like that. I can't lie to you. And he didn't have anxiety about running out a month. money? You always have anxiety, but I thought that I would have it for life, so I just got used to it. But that anxiety makes your heartbeat, and it makes you get up off your ass. Right, yeah.

Unless you fucking brain dead. I was thinking about that today. Like, some, whenever I had, like, a job I didn't like or something, I, if I, every time I was worried about it and I quit, not magically, but something would come along, like, a couple times that happened that very day, Like the day I quit, I got a call for another job. And I think what you're saying, it's very true for 20-year-olds, but I think it's also true. Isn't it true you change your career like seven times throughout your life? So what if you're 35, 45? Unless you get fired, six times.

Right. And then you have to change your fucking career. I don't, you know, I can't see you changing your career. Like, take Paula, for example. Right. How long is Paula going to be for an attorney for? And at what point is she going to switch fucking careers? She did seven fucking years in the hell of the college and paid $200 grand, $300,000 for your education.

I mean, I don't think people like that switch careers. Maybe not people like that, but I think like people who only have like I think now they're like the people who used to only get high school degrees and bachelor's. I think now bachelor's is like the minimum and then you like you have to get master's degrees now, a lot of people. But I think if you have a bachelor's degree like my degree is essentially worthless. It's good if I wanted to go back to editing But I have a degree in digital post-production So that's I can't go I can't get anything with that

So I think that's a kind of person that would go and Do insurance and then go do Sales somewhere Like it just I think I think it I think it's a fucking scary world man When I think about it and I sit here now You know I have a daughter now And I sit and I go what the fuck is her world going to be like

and that's why I teach the value of a dollar early like I'm trying to fucking do things like she's already getting a lot of stuff she's getting it guys you know I got her a doll last week but it was for a certain reason and I explained why that reason was

and I explained to her why I got to go to work and I show her nickels and dimes and pennies and I show her a dollar bill you know at this age just so she could grab she doesn't grab but she doesn't understand the work thing and paying rent you know but I'm trying to let her know that's why I'm gone.

That's why I have to leave because I'm going to work. I'm not going to a fucking party or something like that, you know. I don't know about you, but I think you've spoken about this for other things. But when I first moved to L.A., I learned from a lot of mistakes I saw other people making with their money. That was just, like, they were going to debt consolidation, and they're fine now. But if that freaked me out when I first got here, the thought of having that much debt, credit card debt, that you have to go and, get another loan and consolidate to one payment. When I got divorced, my

credit card debt was definitely over $100 grand. Wow. When at the end and after everything, I was definitely over $200,000. Definitely. Are you serious? Definitely. Over how long a period? Like, did it take you to build that up? A year.

I went off the rails. That was a fun year, I bet. Listen, that expression, walking on ice, you might as well dance. It fits a variety of different phases in your life. And you'll know when you're there. You know, you'll know when you're there. It means that you're going for it.

You know, fuck going to work from eight to five. I want to be the best stock broker there. I'm going to go from six to ten at night. You know, you walk on ice, you might as well dance. You're already there anyway. Right. Make money, pay attention. It could go the other way.

So I was so down and out. And I was so devastated. Like when you get a devastation in your life, it's very hard to focus. A divorce, a bad accident with somebody else in the car, or maybe you alone, a death of a family member. It consumes your brain. Over time, no, no, no, no. Over time, whatever the effects were, they become something else. And they become that you can't focus.

I was watching something yesterday about a kid who was there, who was the only survivors in his class, Sandy Hook. So what he had to go through, like he couldn't leave the house for 70 days. For seven months, a 70 days, seven months he didn't leave the house. The only way he adjusted to life was with a football. Now on the other side of that token,

there was a football player at the University of Colorado that was there at the movie theater when the kid went nuts that night watching Batman. Right. What the fuck they were watching. So he also, but that little kid slipped on blood on the way out of the classroom. he was a fucking first grader

that's seven i think right yeah six or seven so you they taught him how to get him back and one of the things he was saying was that he couldn't focus because the experience was so traumatic that you can't focus on the most menial things i swear to you lee and you know me a long time there was a point there where i could get up but i couldn't do nothing

if it wasn't from the help of a dear friend of mine named danny feebles that kept sticking me to come to his work and work. He'd like make your own hours, but just you have to do something. You can't just sit in your car and at 12 go eat Chinese and then rent a movie and then go to the gym and then go home. That was my life after I got divorced. And then that night I go on and get high and, you know, and on girls, whatever the fuck.

But I wasn't doing anything in my life. And after six months, he got to me. And he goes, you're going to see how easy this to make money. And he was right. I made money the first fucking week. I made money working with him. But before that, I was a good salesman. I was very detail-oriented, and I lost all that for six months

because of the effects of the divorce and the trust and the fucking thing with the kid. It really hit me hard. You know, it hit me hard than usual. When my mother died, two years after she died, the effects of the death, the pain, whatever the fuck you want to call it, the grief, it manifests into something else in your mind.

And when I quit high school, my senior year in high school, I didn't want to quit high school. It's because I couldn't focus on it. I couldn't even focus on that. Like I had so many things going on in my life, but the number one thing I had to do was work. I had to generate dollars. Nobody was giving me any money.

I could go to high school and be broke or generate fucking dollars. Yeah, I could have gone on welfare and shit like that. I was too young and too strong. to go on any of that shit, you know? And like when you say you had all that stuff, were you depressed and thinking about the stuff you were going through, or is it just like your brain's racing and you just can't focus?

Your brain isn't racing. Your brain is, you kind of feel brain dead. It was a depression of sorts. It was a depression, if you look, it was a manifestation of depression that I went through. I went through after divorce with my wife. I went through it after the death of my mom and I kind of went through it

when I was here because everything I suspected about my daughter and how my life was going to turn out came through a reality and that put me through a different depression if you listen to Rogan he'll always say that I got funny one day like for a while I was just funny

but then I just blew the doors off it was because I shook that little depression I had it was a combination of a lot of things. It was pain. It was anger. It was frustration. And I just shook it. You talk a lot about in comedy specifically how you've been successful for a lot of reasons, but one of them is just because you stayed for 20 years. That's it. That's the number one reason. But do you think like obviously you're working hard at it, but do you think the other part of it is you kind of just have to wait yourself out? Like you have to wait until you as a, like, as a person have grown

enough to be able to work hard, like to get past all those things that just happened in your life? Well, like I was telling the dude on Facebook, you have to assess your life. You have to assess your life every fucking 90 days, you know, and I was trying to assess my life, but I thought I was wasting my time because the cocaine got rid of the assessment. Right. You know, right now I could assess my life, even though I smoke a lot of marijuana or whatever people may think. I could assess my life and make the right little adjustments like I've done over the last 10 years. It's November 1 in like seven or eight days. When is Rick Raymond's birthday?

Like tomorrow or the day after. Okay. That's around the time I started. Like I didn't get high now at all in November and then I really quit. This will be 10 years. But, you know, I had to make assessments. When I tried to make assessments of my life when I was getting high, it wasn't going to work because I was getting high. Because I was getting high.

Because you were making the assessments when you were sober? Yeah, but I'm still getting high. The fumes of that cocaine will always help to make or destroy that decision that what you're lacking of. And it could be for opioids. This is all the same. It's not just, I don't want people who are always talking about cocaine. No, it can be for opioids. It could be for marijuana.

It could be any, you know, I've learned to be a functioning addict with marijuana, as you've noticed. like it just spurts me it makes me even strong it's like a steroid for me how people complain about steroids and if they drug tested in comedy I would be dead right

because I'd be wilder I would be untameable on stage I would be untamable and I would eventually just die on stage come one night because I just let it all out you think it calms you down on stage

yeah it calms me down for sure holy shit okay I didn't know that I would go off I would go off for real. I kind of want to see that now. No, you don't want to see that. That's why I don't fuck around with it.

I keep it there. It maintains. Nobody gets their feelings hers. It keeps the grease going. Right. You know, there's times I get high and I really don't get high. But by me taking to it to the joint, it keeps the grease going. It keeps the fucking oil flowing.

You know what I'm saying? Like everything keeps the machine. Don't ever break that machinery. Don't ever stop the machinery. Don't ever stop the machinery. So, but it's funny that I made a, assessments over the years. I didn't start making big-time assessments, though,

until I was in my 30s. That's why I felt like I was lying to the kid in the way because who the fuck was I kidding? I didn't start making real assessments until I got out of prison. Prison was the first time. I ever got a chance to look at myself from another situation. And it wasn't good either because I was in prison.

So no matter what assessment I made, I was still in prison. Are you with me? Right. So no matter what assessment I was making about myself and what I wanted to do when I got out of there or what I needed to work on, all bets were off. I was locked the fuck up. But wasn't it like the clearest you've been in 15 years?

Or I don't know. Oh, no, no. Me doing that, like I say, when people go to a rehab and they think they're going to get healed, they're lying to themselves. You're basically playing for a retreat. That's why it takes people a couple, multiple rehabs. Gotcha.

Because they really have to think about what's going on. If I pull you out of your environment and you get a chance to look at your environment from the outside looking in, you'll see and off the drugs, you'll go, oh, my God, that's where I was slipping. Why was I dating that person? Or you'll come to a bunch of conclusions. You'll go, why the fuck was I doing that? Why was I doing that? I don't even like that person.

Why am I working at a chicken place? I don't even like fucking chicken. Blue trees, I don't like nothing. But things just happen so quickly when you're in it that you just let it go? You just let it all pile. Right. So again, we go back to if when you're walking on ice, you might as well fucking dance. Right.

You know, when I was doing drugs and I was in a rocket ship, they couldn't be any lower than I could get. So keep doing it. Really? If this is as bad as it could be for me, I'm going to keep doing it. It didn't. When you realize it was as bad as it's going to be, I didn't realize two years fucking later. I met you guys. I was talking on a podcast one day.

that I had even lived in a fucking rocket ship. So to you, it was just like, I can survive this. Yeah, it was just another day in the fucking jungle for me. I didn't remember that until I started fucking around with you guys. That was so painful that that got swept under a fucking rug. It wasn't until one night we were doing a podcast. And I go, do you know I used to living a fucking rocket ship? And you popped your head up by what?

Joey, what the fuck? What did he just say? No, I used to sleep at that fucking rocket ship at 88th Street Park. that's one of the things I've really enjoyed about doing therapy the last few months is and I'm, because I've always been,

I don't know, I get in my head a lot like, oh, they don't want to hear this or I don't want to, I don't, either they don't want to hear it or I don't trust them enough to tell them things.

So just like, getting to say certain things that I've only thought about before has, just has made it like less important in my head. I don't, like I'll say, like,

she'll ask me a question. And as I'm going, want to answer. She's like, why is that a big deal? And I'm going to think about it. And as I'm thinking of the answer, I'm like, oh, wait, maybe it isn't that big of a deal. But just it keeps going around in my head and it never had a chance to get

out so it kept growing and growing. So half the stuff, listen, I'll tell you this in my experience. Half the stuff that goes through our head isn't even important. It's probably more than that. And I'm telling you this. I'm telling you this fucking

experience. It doesn't matter. Because in our minds, we have to fucking do something. We love being somewhere in a certain fucking space and time. And for some people, they love the fucking drama. And that they don't have drama, they add to the fucking drama.

Yeah, that's always the weirdest one for me. People who always, I worked with a bunch of them who would always come in and they're always like in a huge fight with somebody. I never understood that. Like, I even, I I would purposely avoid those things happening,

and it seemed like those people every few days at someone else. It's, uh, I just, I hate, I hate when I read or, you know, when I answer emails on the podcast and fucking, uh,

people hit me up on an email about a situation. Some emails are just plain, but some things that people post sometimes about themselves, or they'll send me something personal. I could feel it. I could feel what they're going through because I was there. I could read that kid's writing on that wall

and I understood I went back to 1985 and I went back to being 20 fucking 3 in 1986 and living in San Francisco and going to bed every night. Not frustrated and confused. 23 hours frustrated and frustrated and confused, which is a fucking horrible combination. And scared.

You know, I was frustrated, confused, and fucking scared. I was like those naked people in the woods that they put shot on that show on A&E, naked and afraid out there. I had clothes, and I was naked and afraid, but I fucking, I faked the funk. Like, I faked myself through the bullshit. Like, I was 23, petrified. Just getting out of North Bergen.

Okay. just getting on a jersey yeah okay when I was 23 it was 1986 I lived in San Francisco I lived in Boulder for a while I lived in Snowmast Village when I was 23 years old got you all right so I like if I think like last when I thought about this I had like I didn't have a grasp in all three places like I had no grasp I had a job you know I made it seem like I had it together, but I really didn't have it together by no means. I would put money away and I'd blow it. I took classes at night, but I really wasn't doing anything with my life. Did you feel like you had it together in Jersey? No, I didn't have it together anywhere. I couldn't fucking get it

together if you built it for me and put it in front of me and put it in my fucking pocket. That's how much I was a self-determine to myself. Like I would just step on my own constant, right when I was right knocking on the door, I could fuck up a wet dream. Like I could, I was just, I was fucking everything up till maybe 30 something. Till maybe 30 something, I was a wet dream.

And you know what? I got by. You know, somebody hit me up the other day if I knew some guys from the car business or whatever. I always get hit up. And I was thinking being in the car business and my first check, like taking home like four grand.

and thinking like that's it 36,000 a year this is perfect for me like I was like that's it I didn't like the dry cleaning like you know

the June me like I didn't like the dry cleaning I'm like fuck I'm like the dry clean suits five suits a week but you gotta look good you gotta be clean you're wearing a suit the second day it looks like shit so I was content with 36,000

I didn't know that I could do more than that. I didn't even... And I was making more than that, to be honest. I was making $7,000 a month. But after taxes, it was like $4,000. Right. So I was making, like, whatever the fuck it was.

84 grand I could have made that year. And when I went over to Dodge, I lost a little bit of that income, but I was working less hours with less stress. So I knew I could survive. That let me know I could survive by wearing a shirt and a thigh. Did I like it?

No. No, I didn't like the fucking, I didn't like the feeling of being a car salesman, but it paid my bills. And what I didn't know was happening was happening. I was learning about life in a weird way. I was really getting an education of people, which is the education I always sought after. But you know, I thought you loved it. I didn't know you didn't like it. Listen, when your wife goes to a party with you, as soon as she says, I'm an attorney, somebody's going to make a remark.

there's just something about being an attorney, right or wrong? Yeah. Something about being an attorney. They're all scumbaghan. There's something about being a car salesman. I already was insecure about being a thief and a piece of shit and a junkie. Now I've got to throw car salesman on the mix. Do you know what I'm saying?

So I just didn't. And I have nothing against car salesmen. I hope someday when I retire from this shit, I can sell cars again when I'm old. That's when people buy cars from you. When you're an old man, people feel bad for you. You give them some knowledge. Hey, weren't you old? the guy in the longest yard.

That was me. Buy this Dodge from me, cocksucker. Oh, you call this a cocksugger. You know, I would love to sell cars again. But at that time,

at the age of 20-something, I was like, fuck. So I'm a fucking thief, a junkie, and now I'm selling cars. This is perfect for a guy. Like,

I like that angle of it. I just didn't think I could do it the rest of my life. If that's what you're asking me. Okay. That's surprising. But it, getting back to what you're

I can do it with, like, confidence. Like, I don't think that I come off at all. Like, I had a job. I came out here and I got a job and stuff, but I don't think I come off as confident at all. And hearing, like, because I just imagine you at that point, I would have been, I'm picturing you as very confident. No, I was scared.

Really? I was scared, which made me confident, but I was not confident. She's big difference. It's called fake and the funk. Yeah, I can't fake it. Big difference. I was petrified, but I didn't have time to be petrified. Are you with me?

Like, I couldn't do it. There was no reason to be petrified. I had it. And little by little, it wasn't that I picked up self-confidence in me. I just wanted self-confidence to know I can fucking survive. When I left New Jersey, I had Timmy, and I had Roger, and I had Glenn Con. I had a bunch of friends. You know, when I left, I didn't leave on great.

fucking terms. So they were always there if I got into a pinch. What's a pinch? You need a $100 bus ticket. You need $200 to do something, but they couldn't pay my bills. So that's what I was forcing myself to do when I left New Jersey,

was to teach me how to take care of myself. I already knew I just was trying to put it all together. Gotcha. I already knew of bank accounts. I already knew about light bills, phone bills, credit cards, now you have to put it all together. Now you have to make a certain amount, pay a certain amount, pay for your own groceries, everything becomes different.

You're not at mom's house no more. You've learned that over the years, you know, a couple years ago. It was a big difference, you know? Yeah, it was, and there was something that just came out recently that people were talking about that they're saying by 30 you're supposed to have one, like, whatever you make a year, that you're supposed to have that put away for your retirement. By 30, which I don't know anyone who has that. I don't.

I wasn't even thinking about retirement at 30. No? I was thinking about being 37 in the year 2000 and would I make it. At 30, I wasn't thinking about fucking retirement plan or social security or fucking. All I knew is I paid into that shit. And it pissed me to fuck off. It does piss you off when you see your checks. Yeah, when you first get checks and you see that $80 out of your fucking out of your 400s going to a bunch of bullshit.

Boy, do you get pissed until you get fired and get unemployment. And you go, why do they pay me this much? Because you put away until you're like, man, I'm happy I paid into that fucking unemployment. Yeah, at that point. But it's, uh... Survival was all I wanted, Lee. That's all? I was not looking for perfection.

I was not looking to... I remember a kid, I had a roommate that was kind of one of those geeky kids that would get up once a week and go to a thing called Toastmasters. Oh, I've heard about that. Can you push it up just to see? I don't know. I shouldn't say it's geeky. I don't even really know what it is. He was geeky.

That's what I mean to say. He was one of those guys. I was doing blow. I was selling cars. I was lifting weights. I had a girlfriend. I really wasn't doing much of my life. I had a dog.

And we lived together in South Boulder. And he would get up early and go to those Toastmaster things. he was college educated but he didn't have a job and he had motivation things all over everywhere you know what I'm saying like little like motivational cards or something yeah he had him everywhere in his room like every time I go to his room I was like

Jesus fucking Christ what is wrong with this guy and when they came into my room we were talking and he goes how come you don't have nothing to wake up to in the morning and I go what are you talking to me I go you have something to wake up during the morning I don't know. What do you mean?

He goes, you gotta wake up every morning and put something in front of you that you see that you want. And he goes, what is it that you want? I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about. I don't know either. I'm like, what do you mean? And he goes, what do you want out of his life?

Like, he was, I think the year younger than I was. I mean, he was really sharp. He always wore a shirt and a tie. He didn't have a job. I mean, he couldn't have been that sharp. But he always was applying for a job, and he was talking about investments and shit. I didn't know, even today, I don't know if he was a stroke or not, but he was very, what's that word when you have those things around your wall, like, wake up today, what you pay for today, it will come to you tomorrow, all that shit.

So he came into my room when he was like, you got to put something up in your room. So about three days later he came up, he goes, hey, you mind if I come in? And he put up a picture of a testeroza, one of those cars. Right. He stapled it, not stapled it, but thumb-tacked it to the wall. and he said, this is what you have to look at every morning before you leave the house because this is what you want. I didn't want no fucking testerosa.

That's the last car I never fucking jump into. First, I probably don't even fit in one of those. It's number one, number two. I just don't like those type of cars. I'm scared anyway. So it was just, I looked at him weird at that age. But years later, I understood what he said. It's like writing goals.

What the fuck do you want? You know? I didn't know anything about goals until Jim Handy. Once I got out of the prison, and I met Jim Handy, you had to do goals there every day at this car dealership. You had to hand them in before you go on the line, which means before you answer the sales call, before you took a customer, you had to hand your goals in.

And he would fucking hold you to it. To what your goal was for the day? Yeah, so let's say you get there, and by the time you were there, I was already there to buy a car from you, right? he would fucking cut that deal in half until you wrote your gold so you had to sit with the custom

and go hold on one second let me just write this down because he would give it to Lee and go Lee take them on a demo right while he writes his goals he was that serious about it yeah but he had listen he must have believed in it

him being that serious about it is why I'm still fucking here and part of the reason I end up doing what the fuck I'm doing now because I stuck to that I got locked up, came out I bumped into him and I didn't start writing them

until just about comedy maybe maybe no I'm lying to you guys I did them when I was working for him and then I stopped and then when I started doing comedy I started doing them again like in 95-96 I'd do them for monthly goals or weekly goals

or I want a TV show by the end of the year. I still fucking write them out every year and I record it. And it just keeps in. And I think what your roommate was doing and it sounds like it's a good idea is just making sure you remember so you don't get lost in the daily thing. Like what are we working for? Yeah, well that's part of it. I mean, it's easy. Listen, some jobs are great. You get a job with your buddies. You fucking go after with your drink, right? That's what you do with your buddies. You go to work till 5, 5.30. Then you go in a few jobs. drinks and you go home sometimes you meet your friends sometimes you meet a girlfriend you really don't think about putting away money i mean there's just so many fucking sidetracks that you have when you're a young man you know especially if you're not a college educated especially if you can't fucking afford college right i mean what what's college cost today i don't fucking know but

50 000 a year if it's not a state school a lot of a lot of those so for me to go to valley college up the corner here oh that well that's uh that's a that's a that's a what is it called a community college. And you still got a good education, correct? Oh, yeah, like, that's a smart way to go now, is to go two years there, do all your gen eds, like your math, your English science, all everything there, and transfer, and then do your major at a bigger school. Because it'll cut your, it'll cut your bill in half, essentially.

You know, I don't even know if schools the answer for you. Like, for me, I liked it, and I really want, I wish, Listen, my life would have gone on this plan. I would have gone to a four-year college, man. You know, I would have gone to a four-year college for sure. That's what I wanted. If I could do it all over again, I wish I could have gone to a four-year college, gone to a nice law school, become an attorney, made a nice living, reading books. I could have done that, you know?

It sounds like, to me, I see, I look at college as, like, there's a lot of things in this society that, like, we almost have to do. just otherwise it's like we don't get to play almost. So college now and there are a lot of people who don't get to go to college but for a lot of jobs now if you don't have college you can't you can't apply

and I've been thinking about there was someone talking and they said that you don't know what you want to do because you just haven't experienced enough and I think probably it would be like a lot of people

used to take gap years ago travel Europe. Like I didn't, I just rushed right in to college and I rushed right into working. I didn't take any gap, no breaks at all, like less than a week between both. I didn't take no fucking gaps either. But then you also had, you weren't, you didn't, you didn't go right into like a nine to five job. You went into entrepreneurship, essentially. So what are you saying that people need gaps?

I think so. I think, or just. Like you're saying, like if you don't need college, maybe you need to go. All right, what do you think you want to do? Listen, this is what my argument is. Okay. Because everything you like is always something to do with time off. And that's where I don't like.

Well, it's not time off, but it's going and working. But like, let's say you wanted to be a lawyer. Right. Go and intern at a law firm, see if you like it. If you wanted to be a chef, go and be a server. Oh, no, no. That's what people do. Right.

That's what people do. No, I think all people just go to college. Yeah. No, no, no, no. but I thought you meant like Paul Nari like one year after college to fucking decide what you want to do with your fucking life. I think there's too much of that.

I think there's too much of that. I think that and then there's gaps later. I think that after my personal feeling is I have a daughter. And if I'm alive, I would try to talk around and going right to college out of her first year high school. Right. I would talk her into getting into a college and just saying I'm taking a year off first

to get a regular job. She can live at the house. I'll pay the car payment for her. She can live at the house. One year. One year to date, a regular fucking job. Pick it. Sales, retail, a library,

something to understand the value of the dollar. To see what's really out there and what really works. You know, I still believe in the old fashion. I still believe that a person, doesn't have to go to college. I think that a person could, especially what I've noticed around me in the situation I'm in now,

I've noticed that a person doesn't have to go to college, but a person could still be very successfully. I believe that. I believe that if a person goes to work at 18 and pays attention to his job or gets a job that he really enjoys, that after 10, 8, 9 years, he could buy into a business

or start his own little business on the side with his philosophies about that business. I think that's happening a lot. Yeah. I really feel that. I've always believed in that. I've come to work for you as an electrician.

Seven years in, I can do this in my eyes closed. I can do this in my eyes closed. Okay, I'm a registered residential Wyman. I also have a commercial license. I know how to fucking put the fucking boards on the polls. I know everything. Bless you.

You need a master electrician to open up a fucking business. So it's like it's levels, you know. I'm just talking to electrician. So you could be a great master electrician without really being a master electrician. So you've got to hire a master electrician, pay him his rate, and you could still sell jobs and own the business. Gotcha.

But you don't need to get to the master electrician level. No, but you have to have one to open up an electrical shop. And I'm just saying, you know, for all these things, there's always people that have been hustlers that have gotten to work for somebody, have learned the trade eight, nine, ten years. If I come work for you at the age of 18 and I do a 10 year apprenticeship, not an apprenticeship, just come to work for your dad's clothing store. If Dick Syatt had the biggest fucking men's fashion year in Boston and he sold upgrade suits and shit, if I came to work for you at 18, I'd start in a stock room in the back, you know, hanging shit up, stocking shelves, you know, inventory, that stuff. After a while, you might make me a sales assistant, then a couple other years, a registered dude. And after that, you make me a fucking salesman, assistant manager, manager, now I'm the general manager.

That can happen. That could happen in today's fucking world. And I won't mention any names, but up at one of the comedy clubs up here where we did a live podcast, one of the sons started out as a sound guy. his first day, and now he's managing the club. And it's like three or four years later. That's, like, it's, so that does exist. You're absolutely right. Well, because people don't want to put the time in.

Like, I told me before the show. Okay, so this guy's 23. Guess what? Guess what? He would have just been getting out of a four-year hitch in the Army. Yeah. You know, another big fucking mistake I made that everybody fucking makes. Because you don't, you look at, I'm telling you guys.

that this time goes fucking fast. When people look at you, when you look at something and you go, you know what? I'm really interested in being a window cleaner. Lee. Really, Joey? Yeah, because I'm not scared to heights.

Remember when the time went to a Statue of Liberty? I climbed on the thing and I don't give a fuck about heights. Okay, so what do you need to, you know what I'm saying? Like, it just what are you talking about? People don't want to put the time. The time. The time. The time. The time always.

always to scare the shit out of you. When I tell you about time, when I look you in the face, when you come to me on this line, go, and I've seen it, I see it all the time with young comics. Nobody is more of a pessimistic pricks

than young comic, male or female alike, when they ask you how long it takes to get good. Well, I mean, that one must be one of the harder ones. And I think it's because, like,

at least for me, I like when a bot in other jobs where you get like reviewed or a boss will say good job, this and that. As a comic, you have none of that. For 10, you just one day someone calls you and starts asking you to headline you. When you're a comic, you make a nightly assessment about your life. When you're first starting out, the first five years, I'll tell you something, even beyond that, my first seven years, every time I got off stage, I made a new assessment about my life. Think of that.

Think of that. Your assessment is made on how you did on stage that night. Yeah, but yours. Mine. Right. Like mine. Think about if I, like that time I went to San Francisco at Ari about six, five years ago. Right.

Are you with me? Yeah, yeah. For one of the next thing. And I fucking bombed on Thursday. And then Friday had two shows just fucking bombed. Like I was getting them, but not really. They weren't buying my shit. I wasn't putting the best shit out at that time.

At that time, my shit really was. wasn't together. But Saturday night late, I fucking lit him on fire that they couldn't even fucking leave. Yeah, I remember that night forever, because I came on Saturday, and you had the early show, and we were up upstairs in the green room, and you were just like, oh man, fuck it.

Like, I'm just going to go out of them this show. And I was like, okay, like, I don't remember. I think we were doing the podcast. I was like, okay. And then you just tore them apart. And I remember thinking, like, and I'm not like why like I didn't understand like the the difference between going at them and not going at them

like it it seemed like you were doing similar things both shows but like why what took the thing what caused you to have the jump I guess anger frustration the frustration of bombing four shows in a row what are you doing what are you doing wrong? Right. Right away, a sane individual would say it's the audience fault. Me, I blame it on me

because I'm a self, whatever the fuck you call that. Deprecating? No, because I know it's not them. It's the way I'm delivering it. Either I'm not putting enough heart into the joke, either I'm not stepping into the joke. My face doesn't have the confidence.

It's a thousand variables. And then you just make the decision to go. And this is the last show. You've got to leave them leaving. with something you gotta go one for five you know what I'm saying and I get that people change but ever since I've known you to me you're always going so to hear that you didn't think you were was surprising what do you mean going like you like you like the to make the chance to go at them and and to pick it up a little bit

to me you're always at that level I mean maybe not always but in comedy at least I've never seen you take a show off, in my opinion. I remember once at the ice house at the improv, you had a cold and you were sitting outside in the rain. I was like, why didn't he just cancel this show? But so to hear that you didn't personally think that you were at that level was surprising. It's crazy. It's, again, you make daily assessments when you're a comic. You have to go home, and most comics, like, really good.

good comics like Joe Rogan for example Chris Rock a lot of these guys go home and listen to their recordings that's brutal you have no idea what that's like I listen to that half of that shit from the ice house the internet

it's brutal especially when the girl raised the hand and said I was talking about the Vegas victims and I go my mom is a lawyer my mom is a lawyer what's I got to do with your it's amazing it's just fuck She didn't want to be there all night.

That's why I didn't feel bad. See, 15 years ago, I would have worried about her for three days. Afterwards, really? Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. I don't worry about people like that no more because I know the look on the face. They didn't want to be there anyway. He dragged her there against her will.

He made her go. Instead of calling one of his friends and going, listen, I'm going to go see him with one of my buddies and laugh and be loose, he took her by mistake, which is his girlfriend and his wife. He has every right to take her. But he didn't plan ahead. He didn't know that she just didn't like me

from the time I got on the stage, which is finally because I understand in life of that. Not everybody's going to like everybody. Right, but it just, that's something. Listen, man, let me tell you the most craziest fucking thing in the world. Okay.

I want you to answer this, and I want the people listen to answer this. What makes a comic? Pick up, his bags back his car, whether he lives in New York, Ohio, Michigan, Florida, Texas. What makes a comedian pack up his car and drive up to Los Angeles? Have you ever thought of that fucking question? Because there's comics that don't even think of leaving their respected areas.

They never even thought of it. they got into comedy and they saw what it was. Like, I did comedy with 20 guys in Denver. Of those 20 guys, there was maybe only six of us that really liked the road. The other guys would just do Greeley, Denver gigs, anything in Colorado and that's it. They have a family. They have jobs. Their wives have jobs.

And they don't like sleep in hotels. Do you know that? There's 20 of those guys In each comedy scene Do you believe that that's really The reason why they don't like to do it? People have weird Different ticks

It takes a weird person Want to get on a plane And sleep in a hotel And stay in a weird city For fucking three days Cracking jokes I think that sounds like fun For some people

They think it's brutality Really? You know, it must be tough on women I can't see a girl Wanting a pack of bags Go on a plane by herself leave her husband, kids, boyfriend, whatever

and go on a plane. I mean, you've got lunatic Kate Quigley who doesn't really have a boyfriend or whatever doesn't bother her. She'll stay out for a year. But then you have somebody like Mary Lynn, who's got a husband and a child, you know, when she books films out of town.

Do you know what I'm saying? It's got to be weird for a woman. You're alone. I think it is weird just figuring out what works for you. So I think you're right. No, listen, it's not every, listen, you want to be a plumber. Why do you want to be a plumber? I don't know.

I just thought I want to be a plumber. Then one day they're like, you know what you're doing on your first day of your job? You fucking unhooked that toilet, screw it out, pick it up, take the seal off. When you see all that shit that lives underneath that, you didn't dream or seeing that. No. You thought you were just going to be a plumber. A lot of people don't dream of smelling that or seeing that. I certainly don't. No. So once you see that shit, you fucking, that's why people make you do the roughest jobs in the beginning

to let you know what you're going to get your hands filled with. Right. And at that end, so if you know at that point... Because a lot of people don't know why they're getting into things. That's the other thing. A lot of people really make... They really don't investigate in a career. They've been...

Somebody told them their uncle was a fireman. and then for years they just want to be a fireman, fireman, fireman, fireman. They take the test, they pass, now they're fucking fireman. And that happens all the time, Lee, when you pick a wrong career. That's another thing that we have to talk about

because that's a nightmare. And it happens every fucking day. And it has to happen. That's why people change careers seven times. Because it probably takes three times, somebody who's... But not really. Because even if you have a college degree for law, okay?

Right. When you have a college degree for law, you could do anything. Right. You can do anything and they'll pay you more because you have a law degree in some circumstances. Probably, yeah. Like if you're a salesman or something, you have a law degree, something's weird. I knew a friend of mine in Boulder who used to be an attorney and they became somebody else. But his salary was a little higher because he was already an attorney and he cut him cause somewhere.

Something fucking weird. I don't know how it worked. Well, I think maybe what the difference is, and my mom's a lawyer too. So your mom's been a lawyer since day one. Yeah. So she never changed careers. Well, see, this is what happens. She had a couple different things when my brother and I were growing up.

But I think with law and maybe with medicine, you can have different specialties. Like right now, Paul is doing immigration, but she could switch to be like a DA or something at some point. I think with me, I had such a specific, uh, maybe. And I think a lot of people have specific on going for engineering. If you choose wrong at that point, it's kind of a weird thing to switch and have really no background in something. I think there's a lot of people going back to school now. There's a lot of like inky, like what are they called boot camps for like people who want to make apps. That makes me fucking laugh that people switch careers seven times.

I must have switched careers 80 fucking times. they obviously look at my resume I wonder if you could find somebody's real resume like every time people file the fucking tax thing on you it has to be on your social security somewhere maybe you can't have access to it but they must have access to it oh my god I guarantee

I had at least fucking 55 jobs on paper and that was in 30 years because since I started calmly would I have maybe seven jobs Like I sold fucking donations for firemen and cops I sold stickers I sold cars for a few years You know shit like that

Before that I had at least 55 to 60 jobs Easy lease I had And you would just start from scratch I mean I'll some of them be similar I guess For a week and a half I get a wild bug up my ass The one that lasted the longest was the roofing

The roofing lasted three or four years I really stuck with it I took a couple estimating courses I took like when the Firestone offered

estimating courses in those days and the other company we work for the other rubber company that we worked for so I took all their free seminars

I would you know I would write them and find that when they were doing seminars I'd take a fucking plan and go to a free fucking seminar would cost me for the plane

in the hotel that's it and the company would do it for free to teach you how to install their rubber. Right. You follow me? So it was a fucking thing. Let me give some shout out to you.

Fucking World Series today. Liam Hopkins, Sean Batten, Mitchell Barton, Hargrove, Candle Company, Funko Smith Black, Justine Malique, Peppy Gilmore, One-by-One podcast, and my little Puerto Rican buddy,

Renee Encarci, back from helping his little friends down there in fucking Puerto Rico not fucking around. It's weird, man. With all this shit going on in the last couple months, I give Lee shit all the time and I break his balls about watching sports.

But I want people to know this, that when it comes to playoff baseball time, when it comes to Uncle Joey, for years, all bets have been off. Even last year, you were, watching. I was shocked. For years. Every year, I do not have the time to sit there in June and argue with you about the Red Sox Yankees. I'm sorry, I refuse. I cannot do it. The sun is shining. I'm not going to sit in a fucking house and watch TV. But when it gets to September,

and I don't cheer for anybody, like, I'm not a fan of anybody. But along the way, you watch and you become fans of everybody. Like, I like the Cleveland Indians. I like the Yankees. I, I, I love watching the Dodgers. You know, my daughter, you know, your daughter, your kids go to these schools, and they cheer them on in schools. Now they're, they ingrained those kids. Now they're fucking fans for life. Yeah.

They all dress up fucking, they all had to dress in blue today. So it's kind of weird. And I've been watching it, and I'll tell you, man, after the Vegas shooting and the fucking two hurricanes or three hurricanes and what's going on with the bullshit. yesterday in New York. You know, man, to watch baseball, people kneeling in this country, to watch baseball and there's no fucking hitches so far, you know, and it's been a great fucking series.

I've watched almost every game, both the whole time. I've only watched the last couple games, and the games have been very exciting. I can't, just in my soul, vote for another team, but what makes me happy is watching, like, Felipe is having, he's gone to, like, three World Series games. He got to the stadium like an hour and a half early and was just saying hi to his former coworkers. He had like a great time yesterday. So like seeing stuff like that makes me happy. You know, and like I said, I get a lot of people's shit.

They hit me about sports. There's one aspect of sports that I like that I watch and I enjoy. But there's an aspect when I was a kid when I was gamble and I'd watch six hours of football. And I got to tell you something, I had to stop somewhere. Like that's an assessment you make. At one point you go, whoa, whoa. whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's be honest to you.

I'm a fucking broke dog, but Lee offered me $100 to work with him on Sundays from 12 to 3. $100. So what am I going to do? What kind of loser am I? No, I'm going to sit and watch football. That's what happens. And people are like, what are you a fucking loser?

What am I going to do? I need $300, yeah. It gives me fucking a yardstick every Sunday. What am I going to do? So I make $400 a month off a Lee on a yardstick. I don't watch football. Who gives a fuck? You don't even miss you.

You miss one game, half of a game. That's what I'm saying. But people don't really think that way. Like, I wouldn't think that way until something like that had happened. And now you have to make a quick fucking call. You know, you're raised to work Monday through Friday. You know, the only reason I'll work, as a comedian, I work Tuesday through Sunday. When I got into this business, it was Tuesday through Sunday.

Jesus. So one day off a week? One show, Tuesday, one Wednesday, one Thursday, two Friday. two Friday, two Saturday, one Sunday. And if you opened up for Rich Jenny and one of those guys, you did two on Sunday and three on Saturday because... Oh my God. Yeah, you didn't fuck around in those days.

And I could work. I mean, I have a backbone of the fucking savage. The only reason why I don't work Sundays is because... Baboon. I got a wife and a fucking kid. I want to eat with them. Baboom. Sundays? Come on, dog.

I'm in Cleveland on a Sunday during football. season, D.C., New Jersey, all those cities, they fucking watch football. They play football. They go to football games. All those big cities that have for all those fucking football teams, you don't want to be there on a Sunday during football seasonally. Especially people who bought tickets and now went to a bar all day and watched the game on TV and now a hammer that you show at 7 o'clock. Oh, okay. Sunday is not a lot.

no no no you have no ideas Sundays have always blown for me like as a comic I'm like what the fuck am I doing here on a fucking Sunday night like one time they canceled the Sunday when I was younger and I was like that's it I gotta get out of this

and then finally like two years later in Dallas in 99 I was like that's the last fucking Sunday I'm working I don't want to work Sundays no more it's a dead night I didn't know that dead night man it's a dead fucking night. If you're real,

you went out Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Fucking Sunday. You're fucking wiped out. And if you did get tickets from me, you're going to be wiped out. You're going to sit there to hide. So, it'll just make it better, and you go home and they go home?

Yeah, I just decided. I just decided working against fucking Sunday, not because I'm lazy, but because I just didn't see it. It didn't pan out. You know, Thursday, you fly in halfway during the day. You go your hotel room, you get a snack, you take a shower, you do the show,

you go back to your room, right? Friday, you're there all day, but Sunday, you're there all day. After you've already been there Friday all day and Saturday all day, now you're there all day Sunday, whether it's football season or not. And even if it is football season,

you're watching those games, what are you doing? You're in your hotel room, mean room service, you're at the bar downstairs, now you've got to go do a show on a fucking Sunday? Oh, so you're tired. too. I was going to say it sounded like fun. Everybody's fucking tired, dog. Especially those days or the clubs would pack up.

You're there from, listen, when you start a show on a Tuesday, by Friday, you're tired, and you're going into the meat of the week. Right, your busiest days. Right. You follow me? So I liked it for other reasons.

I liked it because Monday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, gave you a shot to adjust your set. So by the time, And add new jokes. So by the time Friday came, Bob, boom, you laid an extra seven new minutes on them. Plus your shit is tight, Jack. How come they don't really have that anymore?

Was there not as many comics? The attendance. It would be too rough to get, you know, I don't know how many clubs there are to sell tickets on a fucking Tuesday. So you turn it into an open mic night and let the locals advertise. You know, get 100 people on there, make minimal money, but you sell some booze, you sell some nuts. yourself some nachos, and everybody's happy. Wednesday you do a special show. What do you call those?

Rappers Delight. What do you call those? What they do at the comedy store on Tuesday night? Roast Battle. Roast Battle. You do all that type of stuff on Wednesday night. Thursday, you got more blood flow. That's how much the economy has changed.

Like I told you, we've sat here, and I've discussed with you that way before your time, Monday night was the biggest night of the week. In L.A. Across the country. Oh, shit, okay. Because of Monday night football. Oh.

It was the biggest night. So 30 years ago, you were going out on fucking Monday night. Come hell of high water, bitches. You were fucking going. Everyone went out. Everybody went out. Fuck. And now, yeah, now...

Ribs, meatballs, wings. Every ball would fight for your dollar. Chips. hamburgers hot dogs chick bartenders waitresses it would be something night some booze would show up and give you free shots that's what monday nights used to be they used to be a booze named dr mcilli cuddies we talked about them before people posted it where the fucking chicks would come in and pour the drinks down your throat and shit and tasted like ass lee you would get sick as a fuck the next day oh no but yeah the economy has changed you know there's some people who go out on monday nights but then they're going to fucking drink. You know, it's not like it used to be. Monday night football is not what it used to be in this country anymore. Well, it's expensive now.

I mean, I don't know what drinks were back then, but now they're like $10 a minimum. Yeah, but see, Monday nights, it was a dollar of fucking beer. You know, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, years ago, it was half-priced ladies night, fucking baboon night, coming with terrorist night. You know, there's always some fucking angle to get you in the fucking door. And then on the weekends, they charge you the high prices because you're going to be there anyway. But for a sport, like when I go to Barones, you know, when you go to a place like Barone's, he makes his, it's a sports ball. Right.

So he makes his money off of football and all those other events. During the week, yeah, you got a ESPN game here, ESPN game there. But how many people go out for those games? Not many. Not many. People go out for the big games on the weekends, Thursday night college football. Thursday night, NFL, you know what I'm saying? UFC.

UFC Saturday night, people go out, they pay the fucking door charge. It's really weird how the economy has changed. You know, I don't know anybody who really has a big Tuesday night. You know, they usually have African American, like they have that night at a club. The brothers go out on fucking Tuesday nights. I think that is happening now, though, for those events, like what you were talking about, is that they're having more, like, events for that? Like, when I was in Vegas, I went to a bar and paid $20 and watched the UFC.

Because I think a lot of people, especially with boxing, like, my record was $100 pay-per-view. UFC right now is, what, $60? That's expensive. If you could go for $20 and then go get drinks or something somewhere. Now, the fight this weekend is a pay-per-view or it's pay-per-view? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, it's GSP. One of my thinking.

Oh, yeah, he's definitely pay-per-view. But it's expensive. It's expensive to do anything and then try to save for even just not for retirement, just for your life. At least I had like a shit every fucking day from my agents for me to raise my ticket prices. And I give them grief every fucking day. And I say no. Because it burns me.

It burns me. I know that people work fucking hard, you know, and it just burns me that the ticket prices are what they are. somebody you offered me tickets for guns and roses okay four tickets you ready right four tickets

$2,600 each or total total that's still a lot of mine they didn't want them they asked me if I knew anybody I'm like are you fucking kidding me but it's right straight ahead at the forum

so it's the second section straight ahead it's not even that's not front row no front row is I looked on there just to see. Front row area was $1,700. Oh, my God. At the forum.

They're coming home show. So they're doing like the Staples Center or something else than the forum. I looked at that for $600. And I was like, you know what? I could see fucking paying guns and rows of six bills for that section. That's going to be crazy. I don't know if I'll do it. I don't think so.

the guy just called and just asked me if I knew if I had a friend that he would sell him at face value or whatever the fuck I don't I don't fucking know I mean do they still have the original band members I don't know yeah yeah no no it's it's the real deal this is the last of the Mohicans this is this is explosive this is fucking guns and roses Jack and so how old were you when you were listening to Guns and Roses

87 when they came on the scene with appetite for fucking destruction I still remember that video And then when I got locked up The third song was big Like when I got locked up Sweet Child of Mine was the big song Welcome to the jungle I'd already blown up the airwaves

But now it was on something My Michelle or some shit When I got locked up That was the album That one Bobby Brown Fucking There was a couple of albums that were hot But that was the big

Heavy album Do you think you could bring your daughter To what? To the concert a million fucking years. What are you retarded? No, I don't know. What is a four and a half year old girl

gonna get at a Guns and Roses concert? What are you fucking stupid? You're just as dumb as these fucking people that do crazy shit. Then they get shot in the head and they wonder why. I would never bring my daughter to a Guns and Rose's fucking concert at four and a half.

What's she gonna get out of that late? I don't know. I didn't know if she wanted to, if you want her experience. No, no. There's no experience at four and a half. It's just fucking dirty people in loud music. She doesn't understand that at 4.5. Oh, okay. I don't know. What age did you start bringing them at that? No fucking age. Let her go with her

fucking creepy friends. Really? Yeah. Let her go with her creepy friends. Unless she comes to me and says, I want you to fucking personally take me to a concert. Let her mother go do that stuff with them. Okay. I mean, but I'm not going to take her to see. Nothing

until she's 15, and she knows what the fuck she's getting herself. 15, okay. Sure. I want her to know what she's getting herself into. I thought you loved the, like, I thought you would just love, like, the music and want to... Not to bring my four-and-a-half-year-old for $400 fucking dollars around, surrounded by 16,000 people, Lee. What, are you fucking retarded or what? What, did you hit your help for that one of those bricks in the fucking head?

Maybe. No, I don't want to take my daughter none of those fucking places, just in case hell does break loose. I wouldn't bring no loved ones there. That's why I was just asking me a question. I didn't know what the ticket cost. I don't want to be involved in none of that shit. Anywhere where I can't wear a bulletproof fucking vest and a helmet, I don't want to fucking be there, you dig?

I feel like you. My days are done. I'm 54. It's going to be 55 in February. I got one foot in the grave, one of banana peel, and I'm lucky I got to where I got to. The last thing I'm going to do is go some fucking wear

where somebody might have a piece to shoot me outside and put a bomb. Those days are done with. My UFC days, all those days that come to a fucking end, Johnny. I'm scared nothing. when I go through the fucking airport to check my luggage and all that shit when I'm going to screening I'm fucking saying a prayer all I'm waiting for us for some guys go Ali Baba and my

fucking dream come to an end and you want me to take my daughter the guns and roses what are you fucking crazy I wouldn't do something like that if you fucking paid me those people who got shot in the movie theater and took their kid to see Batman shame on you your kid don't know what the fuck he's getting himself into if you want to go with Batman helmets and being an asshole and take a chance. Columbus did. Do that shit on your own. Leave your kid with your grandmother so at least he has a chance in life. So at least the kid

has a chance. You're going to be an asshole and bring your fucking five-year-old kid to be cool. The fuck out of here. I don't even know what they get themselves into. I play music in the car a little loud and Mercy's like daddy. Turn that shit off. She doesn't like it? No.

No, nobody wants to hear that shit at the age of four and a half. I don't know what four and a half year old listen to. They listen to fucking ice age Whatever the fuck They listen to Smurps They listen to another fucking thing What's the other one that they listen to

The one that drives her crazy All that shit They're into kids stuff Lee Okay Take of the fucking stuff I figure it was like an older people Just no Lee Guns and Roses still attracts

This is L.A You're gonna get every Half-Wit rich kid To put on a Guns and Roses shirt And rip it And make believe they even know Half the fucking story That's what they

do in LA now. That's what these kids do. They don't know half the history. They just want to be cool and tell their friends they went to the concert. So they buy a G&R shirt, they rip it, and they go down there. Have they ever done a shot of heroin to the first album? No. They ever do an A ball on the chick's pussy while they listen to

Sweet Child of Mine? No. Did they go see? How dare they even go? Do they even know, fucking use your illusion one and two? No. Doubt it. But that's what they do. They get dressed up. They wear the outfit. And they go down and they make believe they fit in. Okay, yeah, fair enough.

And a fan like you who really is somebody somewhere that really grew up a fan of those guys, he can't afford the three-on-a-a-dollar ticket. So who do you see there, the Kardashians? All with the get-up on, with the fucking, I love Pink Floyd get-up. You don't know Dick about Dick. When Pink Floyd was slinging dick, you were playing the organ in Armenia at the church or some shit, and you want to tell me, you know what I'm saying? It's just fake fucking people.

Fair enough. So when you go to the forum, anything you do in this area here, you've got to add that level of it up. It happens in every city. It happens in every city where people just go and they make believe and they, yeah, that was great. What the fuck are you talking about? You've been playing the violin for 30 years.

You know what I'm saying? Like, it's just weird. You don't know what, yeah? Yeah, I wouldn't go to that shit in LA. Every time I've gone to one of those things in LA, I see tons of that shit. Do you like going in Jersey or do you like, what do you like that? When I was a kid, yeah. Now, I don't go nowhere.

I don't go nowhere. What the fuck do I go? Where am I going? I don't go nowhere. The coffee shop and the weed store. That's it. That's all. I go home.

I go to Jiu-Jitsu. I go to my friends. I fuck around with him. I lift weights. I go to the YMCA. Where do I want to go? I don't want to go nowhere and get shot. Lee.

That's true. But you know where we went? That was an amazing experience? Where? Red Robin. No, I had to go get some fucking clothes. That too. So if you want to buy fucking clothes in Los Angeles.

See, when you're traveling, you go to Texas. When I go to Texas, everybody closed that twice a fucking year. I'd have a whole fucking ensemble from Texas. Why? Because Texas encourages the fat lifestyle. So if you're fat, you go to Texas, you're going to get the baddest fucking clothes in the world. Once you stop going to Texas as a fat dude, your clothes go to shit. So I got to drive all the way up to Woodland Hills, which is a fucking, you know, thank God we wanted a perfect time, because I got a time to a science.

You see what I'm saying? Yeah, there's no traffic. There was no traffic. about 1230. I went to the fat man store. I got some jeans, a couple nice winter sweaters because it's getting fucking cold here and there.

You know, you only need three sweaters when you live in L.A. People that don't live in L.A. don't understand that. I got three sweaters. And when I go on the road, I bring those three sweaters

because when do I wear those three sweaters on the road? That's all you need. I don't wear them anywhere else. My mom asked me if I would wear a leather jacket. I was like, no, when? It's 90 degrees here.

Yeah. No, you don't wear shit out of you. So all that thick clothes sits at the bottom of everything and you never look at it unless you have to go east. Right. Somewhere like Minneapolis or when I go to Columbus

in the winter. And you're going... So people are going... Hey, man, you got... Last time you were here, you had that same shirt and I go, yeah, that's the last time I fucking wore it. Like, I probably took this home. My wife washed it.

I dry cleaned and I never fucking wore it. it again so that's what fucking happens but to go back to what we were talking about earlier to whatever the 23 year old is uh it looks like you're having a hard time and i i wish i would have done certain things at 23 that i would have you know what's crazy about 23 that it's one of those ages that even if you know what to do you're still not going to fucking do it it's just one of those fucking ages that even if you gave me the map to the treasure i still wouldn't can get it. That's how bad I was and how unfocused and how

undisciplined I was at 23. The more I think about it, the more I think you just need to have the experience. As annoying as it is, you just need to put the time in, in life. You're 23 and you're living at home and you're

probably trying to get a job, but you're not going for the right job. Because what are you going to do? If you get a job at a restaurant or a fast food joint, how good are you going to feel about yourself? How good are you going to feel about yourself? You really can't move out of your mothers. So maybe you're stuck.

And that's why I said that you really have to sit down. And you got to fucking be honest. Are you lazy? Are you fucking lazy? Do you like working? Well, you know, my friend, he told me that his uncle had a truck company. He was, no, no, no, no. So what you're telling me is you're waiting?

No, no, no. Then you're all lazy sack of shit. You know, you ever meet those guys? How can we not working? Well, because my brother's cousin's uncle said that he's going to get me a job in the union, but I got to wait until January. So it's fucking October. What are you going to do?

You're going to sit here for two fucking months and freeze to death? There's guys that like that. They'll wait for that fucking job. Then they'll bitch. I think, see in my world, there was always a job leave. There has to be. I was a loser. I was an addict.

I was a lot of things. But let me tell you something, guys. I could get a job in 48 hours. I don't know what it was about me. I could always get a job. It might not be the money you want. No, no, no. It could be a laborer with brick.

I always knew how to get on the board. You know, how to get on the board. That's how you get on the board. And I didn't have to be a waiter. Like, I took a bunch of fucking, like, I signed up for, like, TGI apps to be a waiter course because they said you had to be a waiter first. to become a bartender.

So I said, fuck it. How about it become a cook? And they go, that's another way. You can become a cook. And then become a bartender. I trained and walked out of there one day. The fucking meat was disgusting. I wasn't going to give that to human beings.

This is fucking 30 years ago. In Englewood, New Jersey, they had like a TGIS something right off the route four there. It was an old dumpy spot. And I applied in there, and these idiots gave me a job. The whole time I'm trying to rob the register

that's teaching me how to be a good. cook and how to put shitty food together and sell it to the general public. They were going to let you touch the meat? Yeah, they were going to train me to be a cook. You had to be like a cook trainee for like three weeks. Then you become a cook. They start giving your ships. Yeah, I figured that you'd like touch salads and do fries.

Well, that's how you start. You just come like a sue, whatever the fuck it is. Yeah, you can't touch the meat. Yeah, but the shit was disgusting. Everything was disgusting. The salad was old. I fucking walked out of there. Even back then?

And I wanted a bartend. I walked out of there. I walked out of bartending. Jesus Christ, I was never happy with fucking no job at all. I walked out of high-paying jobs. I walked out of fucking union jobs. Oh my God, you know what? I think I'm going to write a fucking list of all the jobs I had

and how I fucking quit or got fired. I just didn't give a fuck. And were you just making up excuses to quit? Or did you... I'd make up excuses on the walk to the fucking job. That's how fucking bad. I was. Like when I went to Colorado and got the electrician's job, that made me very happy for a time being. And then I was bored with it. But I liked being an electrician. I really did.

And when I went, it was so weird. When I went to New Jersey, the money difference was so surreal. I was like, I can't do what I was doing in Colorado for Lester. I was working hard. even though I was making like 12 bucks an hour I was working fucking hard they wanted to pay me 6.50 in Jersey for doing the same job. Oh, fuck you. Going under fucking buildings and

you know getting wiring and shit and seeing dead cadavers and shoes and fucking rats and stuff and there'd be fucking raccoons under them fuck you going to you have to crawl into people's cross spaces no that would not dweller. Not for 650. For 650?

65 for an hour like as a labor I was like Fuck, I was like a good labor. I could install fucking this and that. I knew how to bend a little pipe. Give me a little more. Nope, $6.50. I was like, fuck that. Going back to Colorado.

For going back to Cali, Jack. And then I went back and I didn't even do it. I never did it again. I did something else, like worked in hotels or something like that. I was security at a fucking hotel. I was a security slash driver at a hotel. Who? In 1986,

Who would hire me for a fucking security job, guys? I was in the prime of my thieving. You understand me? I was stealing things with my eyes before I had them. I was like, oh, I'm robbing these poor people. While you're the security guard. Oh, once I became the security guard, I had the keys to the palace. It was like, you know, I kid in the fucking candy stuff.

I had master keys and fucking side keys and double keys. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. But I never got caught for clipping there. I did it perfectly. I left you confused. How can you confuse someone there? Stuff is gone.

No, I wouldn't take all of it. Let's say you had $2,000 in travel with checks, I'd take $400. And you blame it on your wife. Honey, you take $400? I'm missing $400. If you had $3,000 in cash, I'd take $600. Nobody complains about that. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Or they blame it on the maid. And in those days, I didn't give a fuck about the maid. What are you got about the maid? You know, that's how selfish I fucking was. I worked for a fucking, you know those people that lay black tar on the sidewalks? Okay. The hot tar on the floor.

Right. I worked for one of those people for like two months. What happened there? That sounds dangerous. A score. The weirdest thing happened. It was the first job I got when I moved from Jersey to Colorado. I had to wear a hard hat.

the whole fucking thing and all you did was you had a wheelbarrow and they shot whatever that shit the black thing as fault you had to carry it and dump it and then some little fucking guy

would come over flat that's all I did out in the sun I'd burn to death and they gave me a pretty good salary they weren't a cheap they were nice people but it was in the process

of me moving to Snowmass Village this is really weird so I was embarrassed I didn't know who to ask. It's like you saying to me, Joey, come live with me. Just give me $600 on the first.

No, it's the first. Now I don't have the $600. I couldn't let you down. So I said, who can I ask? And I said, fuck out, I asked the boss, because they paid you every two weeks. Gotcha. And when I wrote, when I was writing the, I tried to write the story in there. Not really.

I just wrote it out as an out one, how I gave him, I went to him. as a man. And I go, hey, man, do me a favor. I'm going to bind. I'm moving. And I need an advance. And he goes, well, get me about a week out of corporate. I said, no, I need an advance like right now, like in a day or two. And he goes, what if I give you the money out of my pocket? I go, perfect. And he goes, what I'll do is give me the money on my pocket, give me your check Friday. I'll cash it, and then I'll give you overtime on Saturday. Guy was real cool with me, man. That's really nice of him. very nice. The guy was nice to me

throughout the whole time. It wasn't a local company. They were from out of state from somewhere. I don't know what the fuck they were from. So they gave me the money like a Wednesday or a Thursday and I got paid on Friday and that guy didn't show up that day. So that Saturday

when I went down there, nobody was there. And then that Monday I went to work that everybody had been pulled back something that happened I never got a chance to give the guy the money back no way he had to go back to Texas something happened and they never called me back

yeah what did you like most about those jobs like the construction jobs you did I was 18 I was 19 I was built like a bull I was living in New Jersey I was doing nothing with my life now I'm living in Colorado and I'm getting sun and I'm sleeping in a little bedroom

and I got like one mattress and I maybe got five or six pair of pants and I got a couple sweatshirts and I got maybe a couple pair of shorts and two pair of sneakers and a pair of winter boots

I didn't have a TV in that room but I had that job and that was way better in the life I was living in New Jersey I didn't have any mice I had a refrigerator you know but did you like the job itself

Like, did you find the work satisfying? At that age, yeah. Because I think it would be. And then I got a job being a hottie. That was the second time I was a hottie, and I worked for Chip Chilson Masonry. And that was a great job. That was one of my all-time favorite, favorite, favorite jobs. And again, anytime I liked something, it was fucked up.

When I didn't like something, I could have stayed with it. Chip Chilson was a mason. A fucking really good mason. He had a good scam going on. Okay? He was a mason that did brick, but he had another guy who would fly in from New Zealand. He was the artiste.

He was a great guy. So it was me, Chip, the guy from New Zealand, and another dude that was a brick mason, and it was me and another hottie. And then you both got promoted, and they would hire other hotties, and you became a brick mason for Chip Chilson.

But there was a problem. Chip Chilson was a professional skier So he would take off every October So after October Fucking 15th you were dead no matter what He wouldn't have anyone take over for him No he wouldn't let a job exist without him on the job Because he didn't want to fuck up his reputation

Oh So fucking That was like that was that killed me Right But And he would give you unemployment And then he would call you back like in March.

That's a long break. And in March you'd shovel snow for a month. You'd just shovel fucking snow. Right. That's it. And then I think April, you started building. But he would do you 60 hours a week.

From April till October. He was solid. Nothing over three feet. You know, that was a great job. I was in fucking tremendous shape. You're always moving. You're always outside. You're drinking water.

You're scooping with a shovel. You're fucking loading brick Eight bricks in each arm You know carrying it up two levels With tongues you know With the brick tongues and shit I love that fucking job And at that time

They didn't have that They didn't teach that course A lot of people didn't teach Because everybody would tell you to do Was to learn on the job But at the same time Go to a Votech school And learn how to do it at night

Wow Yeah you go at night So by the time you get promoted You're a decent at it? You're a decent at it, yeah. And the brick masons union did the same thing. The bricklayers did the same fucking thing. They made you take an apprenticeship program.

You learned how to mix mud, add college to it, scaffold, that whole fucking deal. And then you became a Mason's helper. And you got a raise. And when you became a Mason's helper, you were going to school the whole time. They would pay you to go to school. Like six bucks an hour and night to go to school. Who gives a fuck? this is 20, 30 years ago, people.

The union would pay you to take courses at the fucking union hall. That's great. And the more of those things that you took, it was better for your career as a union electrician. It gave you extra credit to the money? The extra credits and shit. Do you think... That's why I think America's lacking right now.

I think America's lacking that Votech type of support. Well, don't you think those kind of jobs? or look down upon a little bit? Not a brick mason, not teaching somebody. I'm not saying you'd look down upon it. I'm just saying. No, no, no, no. No.

It's a fucking job, God. For everybody who says there's no fucking jobs, that's a job. Being a carpenter's a job. I 100% agree. Being a brick mason is a job. But you always talk about like the people who hang out of the coffee shops, right? Like those people,

those parents wouldn't want their kids to go be, like that's not. not when they're sending them to the $30,000 your kindergarten. Listen, at the end of the day, who gives the fuck? I agree. What you want your kids to be. They're going to be what they're going to be. That's number one and number two.

The option to have that. The option between the age of 18 to 24, they're being a program. Because they weren't when I was growing up. Right. It wasn't the best. But you could go to a local community center and sign up and somebody would teach you a trade part-time and they try to get you a job

with Peppies, the electrical service, who would beat you. They wouldn't pay you, you know what I'm saying? But at least it taught you, it got you... Familiar with the terminology. You're following me. I think, I don't know.

I don't look into those programs. But those are also programs that I think the fucking, over the years, they've been abolished like the fucking newspaper read. Anyway, like I told you guys in the beginning of the fucking show, Gotham is sold out next week, and this weekend in

Omaha. Omaha, everything sold out except for Thursday night. So I don't know what you guys to tell you. You know, I love you guys, and I thank you for the support always. You know, like I told you guys, we've grown together, so thank you. Number two, like I told you in the beginning of the fucking show, all right? I'm excited that they're back. Thanksgiving is a time to express your gratitude and recollect on what you're truly grateful for, right?

You invite your people to come over the house. Lee comes over. Can you imagine Lee eating and then taking one of those fucking tremendous half-Jew, half-turkey shits in your toilet? That's why you get a little tushy bidet for only 69 with a wrist-free 60-day trial. You know, you don't want your fucking uncle

or, you know, like, your niece is fucking married to a fat dude. or something like that. You don't want them going in there and fucking destroying your bathroom and the stink glass forever and they go through your toilet paper and you've got to cut down a tree. Forget about that.

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Lee still uses his. Correct the moon? No, I use it every day. Every fucking day. We've had them for over a year, and they're still ticking. So listen, for these people that you don't know what you're going to get for, maybe you're going to go to your aunt's house instead of bringing a bottle. of wine, bring a fucking

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and press in code church. C-H-U-R-C-H for 10% off your order. Number two, you ready for this one? This is my favorite. Lift is the ride-sharing company that believes in treating its people better. Lyft believes that being a right-sharing driver should be fun. And if you're having a good time, so are your passengers.

Lyft knows that their drivers are what keeps them moving. So they do everything they can to make sure their drivers are happy on every trip. I got to go to the airport tomorrow. Who do you think is driving me? Drop it on them, Lee. Lift. Bam! I don't mess with nobody else.

Lift is the way to go. Besides, it's a simple formula, all right? Happy drivers means happy passengers. Maybe that's why 9-10 Lyft rides get a perfect five-star rating. You can earn hundreds of dollars a week plus tips. You want to earn more money? Drive more. It's never been that easier to give yourself a raise.

Lyft was the first ride share platform with tipping built right into the app because getting tipped shouldn't depend on your passenger, having a crumpled dollar bill would blow on it in their pocket or whatever. Lifter's even taking the guesswork out of pickups. The new M device uses color coding to help passengers find their drivers. You ever walking down the street and you see a nice lift car coming at you? Oh, it's the best at night. It's a beautiful.

And it tells you on your app what call yours is. And then when you get in, it says hi. For me, it says highly. It's amazing. It's tremendous. It does say hi, Joey. So here you go. Join the right sharing company that believes in treating its people better.

Go to lift.com slash Joey today and get a $500 new driver bonus. That's lift.com slash joey today and get a $500 new driver bonus. Again, lift.com slash joey. Limited time only terms apply. I'm telling you, it's a simple formula. Lyft.com slash joey. Lee, look at the shapey. I want to thank you, Savages, for listening.

You know, I love you guys. Bob Lollinger's. Bobby, Sharon, I mean, you know, the list goes on and on. I love you, is all with all my heart. We'll be back here Monday with our main man, Monday, 8 o'clock. Don't forget about it. Stay black. Lee, thank you very much.

Have a great weekend. And your people at home, have a great weekend. Kick this meal, Lee.