The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #531 - Wheeler Walker Jr.

Episode Date: November 7, 2017

Wheeler Walker Jr, a country music singer and the host of "The Wheeler Walker Jr. Podcast," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Naturebox.com - Go to Naturebox.com/joey for 50% off of your first order.   Recorded live on 11/06/2017.  

Welcome, PodcastVille, podcast land, or whatever you consider yourself. The church of what's happening now is brought to you by NatureBox. NatureBox has over 100 snacks that taste good and actually better for you. All snacks are made from high quality, simple ingredients, which means no artificial colors, flavors, sweeteners, and especially no guilt so you can feel good about what you're eating. And right now, today, NatureBox is offering you The church of what's happened now family 50% off your first order

when you go to naturebox.com slash Joey, J-O-E-Y. That's naturebox.com slash joey. For 50% off your first order. Naturebox.com slash Joey. Who's better than Naturebox? Nobody. Take that fucking meal, Lee. Monday, November 6th.

The time is moving. It waits for no one. The church of what's happening now Wheeler Walker Jr. Happy to be here, man. Johnny Hanukkah and your uncle Joey Diaz. Johnny Hanukkah, that's a new one.

But first, this one here for you right here. Kick that meal. Are you crazy or what? Greetings, my brother. How are you this evening? I'm good. Am I crazy, though? You're asking? No.

How good was that? Fucking killer. People don't know. We just watched about... 20 minutes of Skinnerd and almonds and stones. But that Skinner fucking still in my head right now. I tell people when they're confused to just put that on and think about the scenario. I want you to think it's Oakland.

It's not Kentucky. It's not Nashville. It's Oakland. Is that where that gig won? Oakland. So it's a stadium. It's 1977. They were at their peak, Leonard Skinner.

It's a stadium. So it's part of it. In those days, they did tours in the summer. was when I was a kid. Like the first show... Did you ever see Skinner? No. I saw Ted Nugent with Aerosmith,

Frank Marino, Mahogany Rush, Toto, and somebody else. That's the first show I ever went to... At the Meadowlands, we walked there and walked fucking back. I could hear Ted Nugent's guitar on the walk home on the fucking turnpike.

Crazy. Because we left early because one of the guys was getting sick on the ass we're like in the fucking seventh grade. Oh, my God. I love that that's like a throwaway. Like, oh, yeah, we were on acid and we're 12. A lot of my friends had tickets for Skinner at the garden before they died,

like two weeks or a week before they died. They never made the gig? No, they were opening for Ted Nugent, but they were about to get switched. They were about to, and we've had this discussion on here years ago that I always tell people, seriously, what would have the turn been if Scannett would have lived? If Skinner would have lived, there would have been no. cars, all those bands would have never

survived in the early 80s. They couldn't keep up with that shit. Skinner was about to take, and then Zeppelin dies. So when Zeppelin goes down, Skinner is right there with the fucking stones, racking up. Well, I didn't know, you played to me that Skinner'd opened up for the stones.

Skinner opened up for the stones at the festival, and that's when the word got out. Listen, those fucking country motherfuckers, you don't want to me. Well, those albums are fucking rock solid. Oh, rock solid. Yeah, the first two, the first two especially. Now where'd they should they where they the document didn't they do those at the

famous studio? No, I'm wrong. They did some shit at muscle shows yeah. Muscle shows yes they did they did but yeah I don't know if they did the out they did the albums with um I'm trying to remember I think it was the guy who played keyboard with Dylan what's his name?

The producer was Al Cooper was that his name? You know I read one of the books so I think it was a fuck those book Keith Richards and they taped a lot in Tennessee and at muscle shows. Yeah, yeah. They did a lot of that shit. They did,

they went down to, they did a, they also, didn't they show up at chess records in Chicago? Yeah, they did some shit. They definitely went to,

you know, muscle shoals too. It's crazy. The stones would go on tour and they would do a club in like Parsipney, no, like,

Poughcy New York. I was right. Al Cooper. Al Cooper. They would do like, to warm up some girls, they did like three shows around the country.

You and I were just, you and I were just, you know, deacon out over, we would have that Blu-ray of stones and some girls in Texas, yeah. And they ripped it up on that. It was great, it was fucking killer. They rip it up.

And people don't know that the stones were still fucking killer at 1980. Yeah. I saw them the first time in 78 and Farron opened up for them at Philadelphia. And I didn't even know what I was, I didn't even know what I was getting myself

vented them, bro. You know what I was getting myself. Like at that time, I had some girls and get your yaya zap. If you want me to lie to you and tell you the truth, I had two albums by the stones. I knew sympathy for the devil, and I knew a couple of other songs, but that's the two albums. But did that show? They were tremendous. He came out with an American flag on, started dancing.

We were doing window paint acid. Keith Richards was fucking sensational. Just sensational. He just whips it up on all those some girls' lines. I mean, his guitar live is so overpowering from that little, you know what I'm saying? Like the way they tune it, the way. He's got that weird guitar geese probably now. He's got like a weird Oakland G tuning that he uses.

But anytime I'm confused, I put that Oakland tape on. If I'm going to go to perform and I'm a little nervous about the show. You put on this, it's the skinner one? The skinned one from 77 because. Just YouTube, you mean? YouTube. Anywhere I am, I got YouTube. And I will put that video.

I've got to start doing it. And look at the singer, look at the guitar player. But you're totally right that they got that don't give a fuck. The whole message that they're sending is we don't give a fuck if this is Oakland or we're rehearsing in our barn. We're going to rip it up. Like, you understand me? You're never going to hear from us with our southern mentality that we're never going to give you a bad show. People didn't see it, but there was a fucking, you know, they had the fucking president's on each.

It was like Mount Rushmore. Tremendous. Tremendous. It was crazy. Tremend it. The whole fucking video, every time I see it, I cry. If I'm home alone, I'll cry. Because that's the level you want to beat as a comic that you go out there with his fucking belt buckle and his boots on in Oakland, California. Well, as a musician, I will say it's a little, I wouldn't say depressing, but it's kind of like weird. It's like to know that you're, to see something you're never even to get close to is kind of a bummer.

No, as a human being. Yeah. As a human fucking battle, you think I... Dog, I was a week away from Zeppelin tickets going on sale. And I was ready to go. I had all the basses covered. I had all the albums. I had into the outdoor.

We were ready to go. They were ready to announce it. And all of a sudden, fucking bottom dies. The wind got taken out of me. I was at Mawf and Joe's, a little sandwich joint. Behind McGuire Chevrolet off Kennedy Boulevard. It was owned by Farraro and Joe Jumper. Mawfin Joe's.

So fucking I'd go in there They had the best Taylor Hammond egg in the fucking state of New Jersey And that's why I was when I got the news And my heart almost broke I couldn't... I don't remember I wasn't around But the second he died

They just disbanded right then Yeah they said it was over Yeah I mean it should have been Nobody nobody really knew At first Robert Plant went solo And he did a fucking great tour October December 9th

1883 me, Fernie Bossa Sudo, went into the garden on a Tuesday night and saw fucking Robin Plant with Phil Collins playing the drums. Oh yeah, Phil Collins used to play the drums in a lot of crazy. Yeah, he used to go on tour with crazy people, Phil Collins, and that album, that one album by Robert Plant, the first two solo albums are genius. I'll check those out. Did you guys try to memorize this stuff? Like, you know how you can memorize song? I lived it.

So it's not like a piece of history. So you didn't memorize it. You just know it. No, you fucking live it. I lived all this shit. I just don't know what I'd do if I had Zeppelin tickets a week before. No, no, no, no, no, I didn't have the tickets. Tickets were about to go on sale. Oh, okay.

In those days, this is how they did it. You mailed your tickets in. Your money in. There was no, no, no, no, no. What was it? What's the movie? The son of me is the same? Yeah, where they get ripped off, right?

Yeah, yeah, they get ripped off. Because they had the Miles and Square Guard money in cash, right? Right. And they charged up front. So when they called the arena in Nashville, they go, okay, tickets are going to be 15, 12, 50, and 10. This is a section, this is the amount of seats. When are we getting our money? And the people would say, what are you fucking getting me?

And they go, yeah, yeah, we pay, we're getting full. There's no deposit here. Let Zeppelin don't take deposit. Yeah, who was that crazy manager that had? Yeah, that fucking gangster. Yeah, he would show up and he just, he would just take... Six foot fucking six. It's like $2 million in cash, just put it in the fucking...

Three-ten. Yeah, he was in on it. He was in on that time. That was a great little fucking thing they did. That was nothing. Zeppelin was getting paid big money. Like, they had a fucking plane with a fireplace and that mother-fiel. Yeah, what's that DVD that came out actually recently that had all that shit? I don't know, just I think it's called Led Zeppelin, just that.

You know what I'm talking about that like four CDD? You grew up in music. fan, right? Oh, yeah. Big time. That's what I live for, yeah. And it's funny. I like some of the old country stuff, and I like

some of the new stuff. The country women that sing, the two blondes fucking destroy me. The one angry one is fucking sensational. I get their names confused. Then there's the one that married to Tim McGraw. She's a fucking savage too. Oh, Faith Hill.

Faith Hill's a savage, and the other little tiny a blonde. She'll fuck your world up with a voice. I love all that shit. But I saw that you tweeted me. Listen, bro, let me talk to you from the heart here. All right. All right. Here we go. About 10 years ago, I was watching TV one day in a hotel room doing comedy. And I was high as a little girl. And I started going through the channels and there was an episode of Hannah Montana being a radio DJ and faking that she was crying. And she was getting the sponge and putting it on her face. And she, I don't know how old she was. was a kid. I was too stoned

to switch the channel, and I laughed so fucking hard. She reminded me of a goofy Lucille Ball. So from that time on, any time Hannah Montana was on, the kid's show, I would fucking watch it. I loved her as a fan. I love Miley Cyrus. I don't know. I love Miley Cyrus.

I'm not going to say I'm a Hanna. I've never seen Hannah. Oh, my God. It's true. She's fucking great. But anyway. I'm going to go, do you know my life? I go, yeah. They go, listen to this. And it was like, on you. It wasn't even on YouTube. It was one of those videos they post on your thing. You got to download something.

And she was singing some stuff. Is that the Jolene you were playing on? No, this was what before the Jolene. That he sent it to me and I didn't, it wasn't a video. It was an audio file. I was like, who's that? And he goes, that's Miley Cyrus. And I was like, bro, that fucking girl's talented.

Something about it always rubbed me. I just read today that her fucking heard. Did you watch her trying to sign an out live. No, I didn't see. When I found out Miley Cyrus was on a signet live, I watched the Miley Cyrus video before the UFC.

Okay, that's how much of a fan I am because I wanted to see her music. Find Miley Cyrus Season Open a Sionnet Live. This bitch is a savage. Now, she's fucking good, man. And I stick up for her when all my friends tell me is this show. But this video that she did, like after they did it,

her single is still not on the top. top 50 and the album's flopping. And they're blaming it that she stopped smoking pot and married that fucking dude. Well, that's part of it. That's fucking part of it. You never get married. I was trying to get her to be in a video a while ago.

Oh, no. But apparently I found the word I got was she quit smoking pot. She ain't doing stupid shit no more. I used to see it right over here. She used to be at this weed store three times a week with a little brother on North Hollywood. Next to the theater. Yeah, you got to keep smoking that weed.

And once she got off the weed, because she started dating fucking Hogue's brother, whatever, fucking Mad Max's brother. I don't fucking know these big wand dudes no more. I would die for you, is that it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, one of them. Whatever from... What, Miley Cyrus is no joke.

As dumb as people think it is, she grew up in that shit. Dolly Parton's her fucking godmother. Yeah, well, Billy Ray from Kentucky. Right there, a bad mood, bad mood. Just watch the first minute of bad mood. It's a corny fucking song in a way. I don't know this song.

But watch her perform, guys. and Miley Cyrus. She ain't fucking around, guys. I think she showed her pussy. That killed her. Once you show your little monkey, there's no reason to hang out no more. Where'd she show her pussy?

Yeah, once you show, see it like... Where'd she do it? I think she did something. She got naked somewhere, that could have killed her too. I always tell fucking people, don't show your fucking monkey, because once they see your monkey

and taking the ass, they stop calling. That's rule number one. Guys know that once I'm right. I'll tell you what, that was pretty fucking good. Bro, she does not. Fuck around. And that Jolene, come on. That version of Jolene was killing.

Jesus fucking Christ. So, no, no, no, no. One thing about her is everybody else shows up on here. They take three acting classes. This chick was born with it. She could do comedy. She could fucking sing. And she could fucking act.

She's only what? 20. She's got more money than God so she could take chances. And she will take chances. Oh, she don't give a shit, I don't think. No. She don't give a fuck. That's why she's so good.

Her father's sitting there going, Jesus fucking girl. I gave away some expensive fucking smile. I'm a savage. He is a savage. Oh, yeah. He tried to pick up my aunt once. In the old day, she said.

Was she hot? Yeah, she was pretty, yeah, she's pretty. It means my aunt, so it's kind of, you know, hard for me to say, yeah, I think she was hot. We all have hot ants and shit. You smell their bras and you like eating shit. I didn't smell a bra. I can't smell a bra.

Brow smelling. You're the only one I've ever heard Do that. I've never smelled a bra. The only one, every time he talks about a bra, he gets to go look at his eye. When I was about 11, I used to sniff my aunt's bras in Miami. Ninety-two if she was born. And from time to time, she leaves. I was whacking off in 92.

Yeah, she'd leave a little hot water bottle with a little period stick. Oh. With the tube and I'd sniff the tube. I'm a kid from the 70s, dog. I had to find sexual pleasures in other places. You know what I was thinking, you know, why I'm so happy to be back here, if you don't mind me saying, is I was leaving, because last time I was, the first time I was here, I mean, I do all these, all the, I'm doing birds tomorrow. Like, I love all these guys, but I was, when I was taking the Uber home, last time I was pretty, really stoned by myself.

Oh, we off and you a star? I ain't, I ain't touching a star. How about some reeful? I'll take some weed, yeah. You won't even touch it. No, I, I, I, I, I, I, what you see? How many stars you eat? Whatever you threw at me, I think it was eight?

Once you see that, once you see that, once you see that, once you see that video. Lee, once you see that video of Lee, you ain't touching whatever, he's touching. We're going deep tonight. He's going to be two more at the moment. They just stuck to the table like Spider-Man. Lee, those are yours, Lee.

Like this. No big Spudder. You had like three. You had like two and a half. I had nine. No, you didn't. I had three. I had two batches of two

and then two batches of three. So what's that? Two and two. That's fucking ten. This is 12. And I had a tushy. And I ate a 100 milligram. Make sure you're recording, man.

Rice Krispy treat, because I did an extra five minutes of hip escapes today at the YMCA. So, fuck you, Cucksucker. In after five minutes. When do you... Don't wait by my mouth. Just eat the fucking stars. Don't have questions. What was the question?

Eat the stars. Don't ask questions. No, but I was making a point here that I was I was stoned in my Uber home and I was thinking why I dug it so much. And getting to the point we were talking before, I was like, you know, we don't have Joey Cocoa deal. is in Lexington and Kentucky, you know? I think that's what I dug so much about is like, you know, like doing, I love bird, I love Tom, but like I kind of know, like those guys I know, like there's no, that's why I'm approving of you moving to Lexington.

There's no, Lexington needs to Joey Diaz. What would I do? I don't know, but you brought up on Rogan. Do we do a radio show together in Lexington, wake up Lexington? Well, I don't know if I want to move back, but if you move back, I got to move back. We got to be roommates. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. We can do a radio show with music. and then we're doing a radio show in the morning. You have my mom make us dinner? Yeah, yeah, 7.30, and then from 7309, we're doing a podcast. For people who don't know, you said on Rogan the other day, you don't want to stick around here too much more. Too much longer.

And there's two places you're thinking about moving. And I, like, I stopped in my tracks. Listen, I had my headphones on. You said Colorado or Lexington, Kentucky. Out of nowhere, my hometown, you say you're going to move there. Well, my family, I have family in Paducah. I have family in Nashville, and I have family in Bradford. So the problem is

If we moved to Bradford It's like Puerto Rico I mean they barely got electricity You know what I'm saying You go get coffee at the gas station And it's like But they got Lee's chicken So

Oh yeah Well Lees chicken Hey they got Starbucks And they got a DQ So I'm in the town over But there's nothing I have to drive two hours

To fly home Nashville My niece lives in Nashville Who I love dearly So Nashville The problem with Nashville is It's just growing so fucking fast Right. It's not as expensive. To buy a house, it's not as expensive as L.A., but it's fucking closer than you think.

No, I know. And then you have Paducah. Paducah. In Lexington, you could buy a mansion for not much. Please. And Lexington is, as soon as I saw the Christian. What is it about Lexington that you like? In my heart, the calmness. Yeah, my anxiety goes down. Now, that day there, they had stabbed somebody on the other side of town. There's a bad side of town in Lexington. I was in a one.

where until I watch the news leave. What's the matter? You're going back to outer space again? Did you put something on that star? Yes, I did. What did you put on it? Don't worry about it. You never trusted you with Vaseline on his fingers.

I never seen it happen this fast. No, and I puke, so. No, no, no, I didn't put nothing on it. What's the matter with you? You're my brother. What am I put on it? I don't know. Don't worry.

I don't know. I remember something left over on my fingers. This morning. I would never do that thing. Yes, you would. What are you talking about? You have animated cartoons of them telling you switching rappers, which I think should be a federal offense. Do you call the cops?

I should. You seriously going to bark? No, I don't think so. Let me explain something to you. Don't even mention calling the cops in front of me. I'm 39 episodes in of Holtah, Horta, JJ. Oh, my fucking God. I am 30.

Look at me. Do I look like I watch TV? I downloaded it for plane rides over. and the hotel room. What show you tell him? It's the show. If you click in Narcos and you look around, there's a bunch of shows now. But a friend of mine goes, listen, watch that JJ.

He was Pablo Escobar's number one, Sacario. He killed 250 people and was responsible for 3,000 debts. And he turned himself in. They gave him seven years. Sammy Grivull is scratching and head going, Jesus fucking Christ. Well, his lawyer fucked him over. Is that the right to the same show? I think so.

I don't know. I'm going to still. That's the one. It was like the first episode. Something happened, right. Something that weird happened. Tremendous. I want to watch it now.

But it's in Spanish. I ain't got time for that. Yeah, you got to read the fucking fine print. I don't watch TV to read. Me either. It's a nightmare to read it. But I still read it to check up on their Spanish. You know what I'm saying?

I don't want them slipping. Throw a shoot at the general public. Yeah, I'm Cuban. Oh, yeah, that's right. The Cuban Redneck. They got two. You've been restaurants in Lexington. How fucking crazy is that?

What restaurants? Can you look them up for Uncle Joey, please? I think I might have to go to Yelp, though. Where else are they going to? Google. Google, two Cuban, Lexington. Cuban restaurants and Lexington. I'm sure I've been, hey.

There's two Cuban restaurants. I want you to go next time you're there to go to Joe Bologna's. I want you to test out. Did you ever been there in Italian place? Where in town there? In Lexington. No, no, no, no. It's like an old church.

I ain't next to the fucking hotel, next to the kind of. comedy club. Yeah, I've never been to that comic club. That fucking food and that little restaurant. It was kind of gross, yeah. No.

It's delicious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy took good, I had. And guess what I had? Something I don't eat anywhere. But the dude goes, well, people driving here for this shit. And he was absolutely right.

Fish and chips. I love fish and chips. It was so yummy because sometimes they give you... Hey, is that the place that's got the good biscuits? Yes, next to the fucking whatever. Next to the on Broadway. But they bring you biscuits ahead of time. If they want, I told him.

no bread. I just got the fucking... Yeah, yeah, I tried those. The fish and chips was dipped, and it's not that. You ever butt into fishing chips and you get two inches of batter? Yeah. I don't like that. No. I don't like no batter. I like the... They dip italy, and it was just crusty around the thing.

It was like two big sushi sticks or fishing chips. Oh, mama, with a little side salad. As I heard you talking about pizza on... It sounds like you... I don't know New York pizza on all that shit, but I think Joe Bologna's in... Lexington is real good. I want you to try it next

time you're there. It's called, excuse my pronunciation, but Brasabana and Old San Juan. Look at that. They got two fucking Cuban restaurants and Lexington, Kentucky. One of the restaurants is from a guy that sounds like me, because that's how I got turned down to the whole Lexington experience. It was my brother-in-law went to Lexington, and he called my wife, and he

goes, we went to a Cuban restaurant. The guy sounds just like Joey. Crazy. I'm going to go. I'm going there. Well, I'm going for Thanksgiving, so I'll Check it out. But it was green. It was beautiful. Yeah, the horse farm.

Do they have Cuban fried rice? I don't know. I didn't look at the menu. Here's the deal, bro. You should bring it for a side dish. Here's the deal. I don't want nobody to get offended here. When I go to a town, people will ask me if I want to smoke a joint.

People ask me if I want to go to a bar. I'm telling you about America. Okay, Wheeler, Walker. I don't want you to get offended. Junior. Junior. When I go to any part in the country, people ask me if I want to get high, if I want to do blow. Women act like fucking jerkoffs.

They have no respect sometimes, even though I'm a fucking dirty old man. Sometimes it even shocks me. When I went to Lexington, guess what people are asking me. What's that? If I like to come over their house and eat dinner. Really? Would I like to come over the house and their mom over there? They're friendly people.

It's a different animal. Listen, people give me their family. phone numbers go, man, next time you come to Lexington, I got a boat, you could stay out, I'll leave you to fuck alone. You know, shit like that, that people know in the country say to me, people want to get high, people want to do this in Lexington,

people who just listen to a fucking podcast were inviting me over their house for their mama to make a home and brought their mama to a fucking show. I don't know if it's good food, but my point is that fucks for the guys like mine head. Because I've always looked for that.

Yeah, because that's what I was saying. Did I go to their house? No. I didn't have time. I was only there for three days. But I brought like seven phone numbers home, and I stapled them. Just because that's a different feeling,

but that's old America. Hey, man, you don't need to stay at no hotel. Man, I got a bet. And him and his wife looked at him. We got a bedroom over there. Cable TV. Our dumb-ass kid moved out to fucking Louisville, ban, rent.

You know, that type of shit. Yeah, you don't get that other place. Which you look at and you judge it first. You go, what the fuck? And then you go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. This is America. Yeah, because that's weird because, you know, that's all I know is, you know, born, raised in Lexington. So to me, you know, where you're from all that New York shit, that's the shit that blows me away.

I don't even understand it. No, it's a different. Imagine like that where you're talking about with those people, inviting you dinner than spending that weekend in New York playing a gig, it's fucking, it's like I'm on Mars. I think a lot of people on from each place are just terrified of the other. Like when I was

going to drive to L.A., people were telling me to not stop in like southern towns because I'm Jewish and like, like, it'd be like, don't stop for too long and be careful what you say and it was, yeah, it was the nicest like it was the, like the most welcoming I

like experienced the entire drive. They were even like even like cashiers of the gas station were nice yes because you got you got to be nice you can't fuck around those small towns you know let me tell you something I'm 205 West 88th Street raised to the third grade while at the same time I was being raised in Union City New Jersey across the bridge

while at the same time I would spend my summers in 148th Street and then in Miami I've been away from there officially on and off since 83. I went back in 93 to try comedy. I've been gone from there since 1993 officially. What's that? 20-something years, right? Yes, 24 years.

I am un-New Yorkerized, which means that even though I'm going home to see my family and put flowers on my mother's grave and do the things I do, I'm a fish out of water there now. You don't feel at home there anymore? Not at all. And as a matter of fact, I like, Gotham because it's not on

a main avenue. It's in the middle. When I go to do the stand and all the other clubs in New York, like when I go uptown comedy club, whatever, that place I go down on 77th Street. It's too close to the corner for me, brother. And when

I stand close to the corner, the speed of the car is going by, it takes me a little while to acclimate. Well, I still fucking... I try not to do gigs there. I can't... I just can't... I live in traffic here, so I don't remember. remember the realization of people doing 90 anymore on a fucking side street

so I'll never forget being at the stand one night but more at the other club I'm off a Broadway it's 30 it's 20 yards off Broadway and I remember going to the cornerly and it was like I think I called you I couldn't breathe I wouldn't tell you I just wanted you to talk

to me about something I asked you From what anxiety? Yeah the cars moving the speed the lights the horns the whole fucking noise of that city I grew up that city. It brings back like not bad feelings, but feelings how I used to feel when I

lived there when I was 19, desperate. You know, always looking for the next fucking meal or the next pigeon. You think it kind of gives you, like, what we were talking before, like, kind of the bad memories of the drug days and shit like that? No, it's a bad memory of fucking everything. My mom

just dying, be me and a kid. You know, I would walk around the city with something that was stolen. I would sell it in different parts of the city. Because the only thing I wouldn't get traced. I got a good mink. I had some Jews, I take it. I got a diamond.

I got a couple diamonds. I had a few different Jews that there's no paperwork. They pay your cash. You got to wait for 20 minutes because they got to go on the ball. See, that's what I'm saying? We don't get these fucking stories in Kentucky. There ain't no minks and selling minks to Jews in Kentucky. No, I'm just saying like it's those types.

And they're fun memories. I have a lot of fun memories. When do you start feeling this way? When I land, I'm cool When I go to Jersey, I'm cool When I go to eat And I see George and lubs And gear the first night

And those dudes I simmer down a little bit It's Friday when I go into the city He's a big show's for me Like this is Gotham 300 seats I can't go in there and fuck around I got no fucking material

You know So it's gonna be a fucking fun day I'm like because you say that He literally said that driving down to record every CD we ever recorded every show I've ever been to. Well, I got four CDs, I'm two for two.

Two of them are men's. Well, yeah, well, the first one was the one you were talking about. Yeah. I got a question. So when you got, when you do like, you talk about like, what do you say when you're doing clubs, like it's training or something? What's the word you's working out or something? Yeah. Like, do you wait for your

big material for like the big like the, like, do you do theater bigger shows or no? No. You just saw all clubs? Let's say I got three things on a piece of paper I've been thinking about. I went to the store and I tried two. I had five to start off it. But I went to the store and I threw two of them in and they bombed in between good stuff.

Right? Like you hide a joke and it's a sabotage. I listen for the reaction. There's no reaction. I try to rewrite the attack or sometimes I just forget it along the way. So I focus on what I have. So when I have two weeks of those, that I have nowhere to go with them, I'll bring them to the ice house and just talk.

This last time wasn't a good one because I forgot what I had to talk about. I lost my notes. I put them on a piece of paper and put them in the back of my pocket. And the next day I couldn't fucking phone. Yeah, because, I mean, I mentioned, because we're doing, my show here is 2,000 seats. And I'm like, I actually brought it up. I mean, I don't want to talk about money or that shit

I was like, you know, I wonder if like, you know, Joey or somebody would open up. And then it's like, my people were just like, no, those comics, you know, they, like, Joey could play that and his sleep, he can open up a show, you know. I'll come down there if I'm in town December 3rd. I look, call me tomorrow. Yeah, well, I got, you know, I got, I got paid.

I love, I definitely not love to do a fucking little country. Here's, here's my idea of another idea for an opener. Just fucking spotlight comes on. Lee takes a star. Eyes roll back in his head, passes out. lights off. We'll have to get like a 10,000 milligram Star Made up or something.

300 bucks? Can I get like a drink ticket or something? Yeah, 200 and 10 drink tickets. Let me ask you something, brother. What is your demographic at these show? What are you getting? That's a good question. It changes everywhere.

I mean, West Coast is, there's a little bit of the hipsterish. I already got, we got one call about a bikers wanting to a ride down to the show, like motorcycle guys want to do a ride there. It's a real, it's a, it's a cool, it's becoming a cool mix of like guys who love just crazy shit.

Country fans, kind of hipster dudes, bikers. We're finally getting women to show up, which is cool. The first tour I did was the fucking sausage fest beginning to end. But these are, yeah, these West Coast shows, sorry to keep Pippet my shows, but are like our four, we'll be our four big, four biggest shows I've done. These are all theater shows. And we've been doing clubs for, for, for, in bigger. It's the case, I can see, I can feel like getting bigger. And these, this will be a nice way to end the year, I think. Now, when you're in the South, do you do a lot of shows in the South? Yeah, I do, but, um, I'll do, I'll do, I'll do, I'll, every time I'm near, near Lexington, I'm, obviously want to play my hometown so I can see family and shit, but I don't know, the South has a weird reaction to what I do, because,

Like, and Nashville's got, it's like, Nashville's become very hip, but also very corporate, too. And I'm not really accepted on either. The corporate guys are like, fuck you with your dirty shit. The hipsters are like, you know, you're not politically correct. They don't really, you know, so I'm kind of ostracized from both groups, so I try not to play Nashville. How's Louisville when you do Louisville? Louisville's good, but it's weird because the, the sports rivalry is so crazy that I'm not making this up. but like people like will just scream you know

fuck the cats I'm just like dude just a fucking country show man like we don't have to like but that's like their whole life is Kentucky versus Louisville and they know I'm a Kentucky fan so like guys will just scream fucking you know go cardinals and like who's into sports

I mean I love I love sports but like who's into it that much to scream at it during a fucking show you know listen I did the show that I did Lexington the opener was from Louisville and he was fucking hysterical. I have to look at my phone and get his name. He, uh... Yeah, I never saw any. I never, I've never, I've never been...

Oh my God, this guy was funny. I've never even been to comedy on Broadway. But on Friday, he did this fucking Rick Bettino joke. And it was filthy as fuck. And the place disintegrated. He blew the top off it. He said this joke, he goes, this fucking guy. And he goes on and on about Rick Patino. He goes, how did it start? because it started with him bringing a hooker into a fucking restaurant and then things get no worse he gets her pregnant

what the fuck is wrong with you you're Rick Patino you should have fucked her in the ass and I fucking love dog I almost fainted I almost fainted and the room blew up so I understand what you're saying soon as he talked about college basketball the stakes were fucking up it went up ears were up And they were ready to attack, Jack. Because they're sitting around all year,

and then all of a sudden basketball season starts, and they're the center of the universe. So it's like the first time that they're in the spotlight, you know. Is it because they have good teams? Like, I would think the football game would be a lot bigger. No, but their football teams suck. Let me, do me a favor. Yes, sir.

The Wildcats won in 1970-something, the NCAA. Seventh-eight. Football basketball. I think the guy's name was Jack the Goose-Givins. Jack Givens. Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with? Look at this fucking. Joey bananas.

These motherfuckers think that I just fell out, and he scored 50-something points. 42. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with? 42. Look it up. This kid went off on a Monday night. He went off against Duke.

It was against Duke with Mike Jerminski in the middle. Before Duke was Duke. Before Duke was Duke. Before Duke was Duke, this was, it was, I had written letters to that coach. Bob, whatever was his name. And the lineup was, oh, he had a good, fuck. team. He had Mike Jiminsky. And here's the beauty about Mike Jiminsky

Lee Syatt. The Jiminsky that he played in the finals and he was something like 17 years old because he was such a fucking scholar and he had already done he graduated when he was 12. Like I'm 12. Like what are you going to do? Like they made them, they redshirt

them for five fucking years. I didn't know the stats but I don't know I would never see the game. Yeah, look it up. See if I'm right 42. Yeah, no, it was definitely 42. Made the cover of Sports Illustrator. What do you want to Google? Jack the Goose Givens with a fucking layup, and it said fucking Jack the Goose Givens goes off against fucking do.

And those guys, you know, that's their glory days. And they don't. Oh, my God. And they don't move. They come back there. Why would they? Yeah. People, they buy car dealerships, those guys.

They get on fucking sports. It's a beautiful thing. I love it. I love all that. I think Kyle Macy was on that team too. Is it Gibbons? Givens. Givens.

Oh, Givens. Just put Kentucky Wild Cats. championship in the year will come up. I've never seen any by Spill Givens that, but, oh, there it is. G-I-A-V-E-N-S. Jake. I got.

Givens. 41. These motherfuckers think I forget. And they win the title. Put it up on the big screen for secondly. I want you to put up the, the 71 Duke starting team. Let me see you off scratch. It had to be Gene Banks.

And then we didn't win it again until, Mike Jerminski. I think 96. John Spinnacle. Listen to the starting team, Lisa, you know, put Duke 19, whatever. They played the, they played that fucking team.

They played the Kentucky Wildcats. See if I'm wrong. Kenny Dernard, Gene Banks, Mike Jerminski, John Spenarkle. If I can get four out of fucking five, that's a fucking memory,

my brother. And I smoke more dope than fucking half of... No, no, no. It had to be the next... It was 77. That was 78. 77 okay 78 whatever the team was

where's my glasses I can I couldn't name one of the Duke guys all I remember is Jack the Goose Givens yeah there you go yeah there it is who is a starting team who is the starters that's like finally

and John Spinole Jim Spinochle Mike Jim Minsky Gene Banks Kenny DeNard that I had three out of whatever Kenny DeNard was my coach at fucking five-star basketball camp. Oh, no way.

And he used to show up with a sweatshirt with a skunk in the hood. A baby skunk. He'd go, don't hit me in the back because you'll wake up the skunk. And he shows the fucking skunk. And the next year, there he is against fucking the Kentucky.

Yeah, I went to Kyle Macy basketball camp. Remember that guy? What was the name? Cal Macy. Yeah, fuck yeah. He was good. All that shit.

That was, I lived for that shit. But I know what you're, but like, it really does, it controls the town to a point where Like, we'll play Lexington, between songs, people just starts going cats. C-A-T-S, cats. It's like, come on, man. Bro, they live for that.

Listen, think of how simple your life is that this is the thing you believe in so fucking much. If you're filthy, rich in those towns, you donate to this shit. Oh, yeah. They support this shit. If you look at their yearly fucking envelopes, it'll make your wig fucking flip. I agree with you that they probably should. scream it out at your show but I love going to any sporting event

in Boston no matter who they're playing no matter what sport it is a Yankee suck chant will start at some point and it still makes me smile I mean I know you're saying it's kind of like a athletic event but not a fucking music thing it's kind of fun just because it's like you know

what else they're going to cheer you know I love if somebody just yells and you play with it that's what you do turn it around and just play with it yeah sometimes they scream pussy king which I prefer that that's a good one yeah how's touring brother how's you say i mean i'm i'm a little bit over it to be honest um as the shows get bigger and i can you can calm down a little bit more it's been better um i don't know i just think it happened a little too late for me i guess like we were talking before

like i got like i i could do like a bunch i'll do like a i didn't do what what it's called sober october or whatever the fuck they did like i was like i'm i'm gonna you know what just for fun i'm just try to say sober too the first two days of October. I'm going to, I'm open open up for Kid Rock at Nashville. Like, I can't fucking stay sober for this. No. That crap. How'd that go? It was great, but the crap. I mean, it was actually

this festival he puts on called the Kid Rock Fish Fry, which is, it was crazy. It was like, I've never seen people. Like, it's almost like they wouldn't let you in without wearing some kind of American, you know, American flag apparel and, you know, tattooed guys. You know, everyone, it was

debauchery, but it was fun. Do they really cook? Yeah. Is they really fish there? Yeah, they have a guy got all, yeah, they, they unveiled the Kid Rock, Madam Tussow, waxed, Kid Rock, which I guess that the Kid Rock fish fry is a big deal, but, but it was, but yeah, I just, you know, I can't be that, I can't be sober when everyone's fucking off their minds, you know.

It's just weird, everyone's staring at me, and they're like the 5,000, you know, drunkest fucking dudes I've ever seen. I mean, it was a fun show. It was just, you know, it was just, you know, it was. When you're on stage, what do you like to do? A couple of cocktails, a couple of joints, a couple of tuts. I'll do a few beers. My thing is I'll do like three beers and a shot of bourbon.

And then maybe a little bit of, a little bit of weed. What's your bourbon of choice? Makers. I like that very much, too. Yeah. I think there's some makers in there if you want to blast. I'm a Kentucky bourbon guy. Yeah, but I actually, I've stopped smoking weed before the show because I can't remember my lyrics.

I'll wait till after, no. I'll tell you what's a motherfucker when you have two shows and you get high. And you can't remember if you said that joke already. So you deliver the kind of thing. Well, I never have to do that, yeah. Oh, my God, you got to deliver it a little tamely just to see if you said already until somebody goes. You said that already. It hasn't happened.

It used to happen when I used to perform in Miami because there was one of those frozen drink places across from the improv. and there was 140 proof the one of them, call a cab. You had to drink three of them. Why do you get the strongest of everything? Because we don't fuck around here. There was like an 80 proof that was chocolate. I mean, they were delicious.

I have a show. Maybe I'll get a small one. It was like, listen, Lee, it was 1998. It was way before the Mokitino and the whole thing. And these people in Miami and in South Beach, wet willies. and in Charleston, South Carolina. Oh, Charleston's a cool city.

Yeah, they had these free. You never been there? They had these frozen drinks with bikinis. They got fucking guns. It's just like a frozen yogurt place, okay? What's this place has got... You know those frozen yogurt places that you like... I've never been to a frozen yoga place that's got girls with bikinis and guns.

There's two guys behind, there's two bikinis behind the bar. They come over. How are you doing? It's like, who it is for real. But where does the guns come from? I don't know. I'm just imagination. Run with me, cuck, sucker.

What's all the questions? It was 60 minutes? So the next thing you know, they have the different proofs. Then there's this red stuff. It's called colicab. It's made with grain alcohol. And they won't give you more than three of them.

And I would go over there early, drink one, maybe drink two. And then while the headliner was on, after I got off, I would go back there. By that time, my drug dealer would show up. I put the money on the ball. He threw the napkin on the floor. floor and walk out.

I look around, pick up the napkin. I go to Wet Willys, get one of those little red drinks, walk to the condo 50 yards from the comedy club. I put a lid on the fucking Wet Willie. I put a refrigerator and grind up the Coke, leave half a minute at the condo for a victim. Take the other

half with me, you know what I'm saying? I got a lot of victim. I'm like... So those are the touring days. Yeah, I'm like Cosby on roller skates. You know what I'm out there? I'm out there giving our yum yums and this shit. See, that sounds like, that sounds like a, like, oh my God, that sounds like the days to me. I would walk through Coconut Grove looking for a victim. And then I would bomb, oh my God, you were the comedian, yeah.

What's going on with you? That's like the nice part of, of it. It was until, well, it was. But by this time in 98, it was a fucking party. And I didn't know it when I went down there. And one night I go, I'm starving. I can't sit in this condo no more. And all of a sudden it was like,

fucking people all over the streets and I went to eat and I bumped into some waiters and they go come over here and one of them said do you want to do a blast and that was it that became my favorite spot like I was telling you before I've never played Miami I would do Miami I would do Houston

at El Paso and you developed these spots where you know you're going to be taken care of you know the guy that's got the best shit I had all their phone numbers and I would call them a week before I went down there yo I'll be that Thursday get the party started. Really? No shit.

Can I get tickets for the shelf? We get whatever you want. Just bring the heavy fucking package, right? If it's a grandfather and extra two spoons for your uncle Joey, I'm running light these days. They come, I give them the money. By the time I got to the comedy club, I'd had the package in my pocket.

I would not do it before I went on stage. So I knew that whether I was opening up for Rogan or headlining in those days, it was all I could do this shit I couldn't get away with here why is that

because my wife was my girlfriend at the time and I lived with her and I lived together in Hollywood so I couldn't go to bed with my heart pounding out of my fucking shirt with a victim next to me you know what I am she would wake up and go are you okay yeah yeah yeah yeah had a couple sodas

but caffeine really good so yeah if I finish my package of two I'd go to bed of fly 4.30. If I jerked off four times and smoked the fucking back and a half of cigarettes and drank water to come down, I'd fall asleep at 4.30. But those nights I want to snort till 6, she'd get up for work and bust me, so I couldn't do those nights. When I went to Houston, Miami, I had all my little Myrtle beach. I used to go to Myrtle Beach way back when as soon as I got to the club, this old guy with a ponytail would come up to me and put the package in my hands. Then he'd come back Sunday, and I'd come back Sunday. And I'd go to the I'd pay them when I'd get paid. That's how it went. That's how fast it went. So every city was like down to science.

I had every city. By 1998, if I went to Michigan, there was a few places in the Bible Belt that fucked me. Like what? Clark, Tennessee. I don't know, Clark. Something like that. Clarksville, something, Tennessee.

That was a Tuesday night. In those days, they were called something. It was the company who managed Caratop and they had a bunch. In fact, I'm working for them in Charlotte. Nice people, half in those guys. But at this time, there were a big management club, a big management team.

They managed whatever I said, and a couple other comedians. And they even were the producers on that movie that were, what did you say? What was the name? Caratop made. But they had these rooms from North Carolina, from fucking the Bible Belt in West Virginia.

where miners were coming with mascara on their eyes and shit. All the way down to the Bahamas. If you want to go to the Bahamas, you could go with them. They still do it. I think they still book it. Don't pay no money, but you can take your family. Can't curse on stage. Why not?

Because as you sang up from the tail end of the fuck, there'll be a helicopter landing right next to you on the stage. They won't even let you back in your room. They go to your room and bring you. possessions to you. That's how quick the party ends. Why is that? No, I slipped.

I don't know. It's got to be perfectly clean. It was when I was coming up. When I was a fucking feature act, in 95, I was supposed to go down there. A week before that, the guy was supposed to go down there,

his appendix blew up. Something happened to him, so they had to cancel the gate. And a month later, I was telling somebody to the story, and they're like, listen, bro, you're fucking lucky. And I go, why, They go, you have to be tip top, spotless clean at this resort.

And I go, are you seriously? He goes, listen, they'd stop you on stage, take it to the lobby. Ten minutes of helicopter's there, taking you to the fucking ship to get you the fucking... I forget how they had to get you off. But they would get you off immediately. Why were they like that? Just because it was... Something.

You could encourage something. There was something going on. I never ended up going down. How funny do you find yourself in positions? When you came in here, you were very kind to bring your new album in. Wheeler Walker, Jr., congratulations. Thanks, man. But on the label, it says that you were banned from Walmart and somebody else and somebody else.

It's Walmart, K. Martin, Best Buy. And you think about it. This is, this is real country. This is real country. The lyrics are a little fucking off, but this is real country. Can you just explain how the banning process goes? Like, do you get like a letter that says you're physically... Well, they said, what they said was I needed to make...

Like, a lot, all those hip-hop apps are there, but they make the... They sell the clean versions there. They sell the clean version. Yeah, so they told me, sent us the clean versions. I go, I'm making no-funk clean version. Fuck you. And then you can't, like, just sell the dirty version. They go, no.

You know, you can't be sold here. So I was like, I took a fucking... They said, they want me to put a, you know, parental guy and sticker. I go, fuck that. Just put band from all those places, stick around them. Because, you know, I own my label. You know, I run everything. I own the songs.

I don't have to put shit on it. But I want it. I paid for that sticker to put on, you know, band from all those stores. And I wear it as a badge of honor, you know. I don't want to, you know. Listen, if the song, if a clean song came in my head and I wanted to sing, it's not like I'm just sitting down, like, trying to think of the dirty. You know, people come up to me all the time.

Like, I got a song idea for you, you know. You know, pussy farts. I'm just like, you know, I need. chords here, you know? Like, I know, I know, like, bad words. It's just not about the bad words. It's got to be good music and good country. So, like I said, if a clean song came, if a song came to me that wasn't dirty, I'd sing it. It's not that. It's just, when you pay for it yourself, I just sing what I want to sing. What I've, what I, the stuff I want to sing is the shit, you know, the country, you know, in the old days, I used to, it used to be, listen, it wasn't

dirty, but it was like it was the truth, you know, and nowadays the truth is how we're talking right now. Fuck shit, like I just can't not, I can't talk like that and then not sing like that. It doesn't make sense.

It'd be like, like you were just saying, like you're doing a clean show. It's like, or if you, you pay in to do your album and then for some reason just telling Lee, you're going to want to do it clean. Wheeler, it's not like I'm a bad business man. when I started I bought the whole thing

of hook, line, and sinker of being a clean comedian. People came to me, like the fourth time on the stage and said, you got a lot going on for you. But you got to get that dirty stuff out. You got to eliminate that fuck.

And I started thinking about it, you're right, and I started putting a suit on. Yeah. Right off the bat. By the time I was on stage, the eighth time, I started wearing a suit

to a contest. And then I wore another suit. suit and then the night I won the contest I wore another suit and then after that I had a credit card from this one clothesier and I had like a thousand dollar limit those suckers and I went in there when shit was falling apart and I just spent the whole thing on suits and stiffed them as I was going down anyway so for a year I wore suits on stage you play the game I tried in Colorado and I ate a bag of dicks and then I took the same game to New York City. And I didn't do much better. You feel like people could see through it that it wasn't you? Yeah, I tried really fucking hard.

And then one night I was driving a limo. And I used to have a boxing. There was a boxing gym on like 48th and 8th up the corner from Port Authority. And I would pay the guy like 20 fucking bucks to park for an hour and a half. And I would go upstairs shower. I had a little locker up there. I would hit the bag and do push-ups and sit-ups and jump rope. And I would hit the pads with another guy for 20 bucks.

But I could always take showers in the city and go on a move. And one night I wore a T-shirt. I didn't have a clean white shirt. I put a T-shirt on. And I put a leather jacket over. And I went on stage. And I just was going off about what was going on in my life. I tried that Judy Carter approach.

Talk about what's bothering you. what kills you, and I went up there with that approach, and I destroyed that room. That was one of those points where I was starting to think about quitting. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah, no. I mean, I've gotten... You're starting to think about quitting.

Well, I got off. I've had offers from, like, big record label, you know, like, clean it up and we'll sign you, or clean it up and you can do this show, you can do that show, and I've just always been, like, then what I, you know, the money's not that fucking important. You know, it's like, I'd much rather do it my way. and not, you know, censor myself and, you know, that means something to me to do it, you know,

be myself and do it. But, you know, don't get me wrong when they offer, like a big label offers me, it hits me in the head, like, you know, maybe just clean it up and try it, see if you can get on the radio, live, you know, make that Billy Ray Cyrus money or whatever it is. But I just can't go through with it. It's a sacrifice as you.

make to be yourself because you know and I know we're a little wiser, a little older. You start to learn that you sell your soul a little bit and it sounds greater first, but midway into what you get into, you start losing. Yeah, you're a 10 years later. You're a totally different. You're a different person. Yeah. I took a chance. I knew right away. By the time I got back to Colorado in 94, I was three years into comedy, I knew what I wanted to do. Fuck the suits.

Suits were gone. Back to who I am. You can't put others. Lots of all the great, you know, performers come from. It's just like, fuck all this shit. I mean, didn't Richard Pryor do that kind of the same thing? Yeah, he wore suits, though, towards the end. In my world, it was always, you can't put a silk hat on the pig. I just, oh, we,

when I heard that expression, I'm like, Jesus Christ, and I knew that expression when I was like 15, then they said, in Goodfellas, 10 years later or something. but you can't put a silk hat on a pig. And I always knew that, for starters. One thing it did for me, when I went back to New York in 93 and I was an open micer, I was walking one day, and who do I see walking with Jay Leno? And I go, hey, Jay, how you doing, man?

I'm a starting comic. Can you help me out? He goes, just get on stage, brother. And I go, you know what, man, someday I'm going to be on that show. I'm going to be the funniest Cuban you ever saw. And he goes, I know a lot of funny Cubans, and he walked away from me. And for like a year, I had this fantasy going on Jay Leno and doing a six-minute clean set. And at one point, I was like, fuck Jay Leno, Joe, I could suck my dick.

Letteman could suck my dick. Everybody could suck my dick. I could still get on HBO, and that's all that matters. In my world at that time, that's all that really matters is HBO. Once you hit HBO, they can all suck your dick. They all come running for you anyway. But that's the decisions you make early on that a lot of people come up to you and go, Maybe that's not, you know.

Yeah, I mean, people can do that all, you know, you can get on fucking whatever it is now, Fallon, Cole, all that shit. Like, I can't. I can't. I'm saying, but they're telling me I have a chance because I sell records, but if I clean it up, I could go do that shit. But I'm just like. What about they beep it? They said they won't. I guess the networks don't, they don't, you know.

On a 10 second delay, let me tell you some, yes, they would. They used to in the old dance. They used, we were just talking about that time. We were talking about, you were here. you know, Dice's career really catapulted when he got banned from Santa Atlanta Line. Yeah, they put that delay on it. And he got banned from MTV.

Something about not catastrophe, because it's not a catastrophe. What's the word I'm looking for, Wheeler? Controversy. Something about controversy sells tickets when it comes from the heart and it's real. Yeah, because I'm not trying to be controversial. No, no, no, neither am I. I'm going to go up there and say what I want to say. And if you don't want to hire me, that's okay.

And I made that decision up in 2001. Well, it's a big decision to make. It's just like, I'm going to go down. My thing is what you probably yours is too, is like if I'm going to fail, I'm going to fail being myself. I did. I signed with his big time manager in like 97 and he was good. Do you ever have a manager that's better than you? He was better than me.

Like he was getting me gigs that I wasn't good enough for. I wasn't. He was getting me into rooms, Jack. He was getting me into movies. Like, men in black, he got me into men and black. Like, he had me into it. Every huge director. If I call him up and go, Jeff, there's a movie that's coming out. He'd go, he'd look at it and I call you back. He called me back. He goes, listen, I just pictured it to the director and he's got a producer.

They want to see tape. I told him, yeah, a little bit of a short film and stand-up. Let's send them that. and then one time he took a video of me in Miami he was there on the way on a cruise and it was the dirtiest set I had ever done hilarious type shit when you're starting out like I'm rogue in the other day

when you're talking about the like that's the shit I love I'm just talking about the guy with the ice in his mouth that's all I'm thinking of all the fagg the gay guy with the ice in his mouth yeah the guy sucks you dick with ice on I love that shit

you know it's uh it's really fucked up when you when you make that decision that you're going to work fucking dirty like that said i'm done with well i don't think i mean i don't think you tell me if i'm wrong i don't think you made a decision to work dirty you just made a decision to not censor yourself are there other country artists that are banned from places are you the only kind of i think i'm the only one yeah that's pretty cool yeah i mean i've kind of carved down my own lane at this point which i kind of dig and um and for people who haven't heard, I actually was having lunch with someone yesterday who works in the music industry. And he said he'll just, he loves listening to it because it's really good music.

Like it's legit. It is legitimate. Well, the thing is, that was my goal. I said, at the time I had kind of a bigger manager, I said, he goes, what do you want to do? I go, I want to go in him. I want to make the greatest country of all time and make it completely unplayable. That was my goal. well, he's like, why the fuck is, I was like, I don't know, I just like, fuck, you know, just see if I can do it.

So it was, I mean, I literally just made it for myself. You know, it was just like, I want to see how good I can be and how much I can fuck myself over in the industry, you know, and see if people will still come and listen, you know, and it worked, you know, so far it's been working. But, you know, at the end of the day, a good song is a good fucking, I mean, we were just watching Skinner, I mean, that shit is so good. It'll cut through with anything. It doesn't matter if they were saying shit or fuck. No matter what. Doesn't it ain't get a fucking matter.

They wouldn't even understand watching that people out here. Yeah. When I used to send that to agents, this will brighten your day. They would go, what the fuck is? That's what the music I grew up. That's the music I grew up. You want to know why I'm fucked up? Because I listen to that shit with a hit an assing in me.

That'll send you to fucking Jupiter. When you hear Saturday, that special, and that other one, fucking walking up on me like a cat and all that creepy shit you take a hit of ass and walk. Tuesday's gone? Listen man, when you fucking tripping and come on, what's

the song he wrote for his brother? He's written two songs that the opening lines have been brilliant. What's the opening lines of Sinai's Special? I can't think about it. I can't think of it right now. Something about a fucking cat. and then look up the lyrics to...

Two feet, they come and creep in. Like a black cat do. Right. All right, that's the opening lyric, okay? Listen to the opening lyric of that smell. Whiskey bottom, brand new car, oak tree in my way. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you Hemingway?

Can't do that shit. No. Listen to the, read the first two lines of fucking... That smell? Yeah. Whiskey bottles and brand new cars. Oak Tree, you're in my way. The next one.

There's too much coke and too much smoke. Look what's going on inside you. The next one. Lee reads Skinner. Ooh, that smell. There you go. Yeah. Da-da-da.

Can you smell that smell? Da-da-da. Ooh, that smell. the smell that surrounds you What's the first track Are you fucking kidding me You know what that does to you When you're tripping or you're coked up

Because now you start smelling your shirt You're like, there is something surrounding me I got a black demon surrounding me You know what I'm saying? I can't stop snort and eating pussy In order and take out pizza This is terrible I haven't left the room in four days

And don't want to What's the first track on the first album? That one always gets me too. The one that freaked me out when I heard was the first real Leonard song album I bought was at the Raceway where I used to get the Conver sneakers out of the dumpster from the fucking whatever. And it was, give me back my bullets. Oh, that's a killer song. When I took that album home, it blew my mind.

And then I bought, because of the cover, there was another country band that was not a limited. in its heels. I'll argue to the death. Somebody sent me an email one day that I was wrong. There was two other bands that were on Leonard Skinner's radar, but they were not Leonard Skinner. No, I mean, none of that shit was close.

There was another three of them. So if Leonard Skinner would have crossed, once they would have switched, Ted Nugent, Leonard Skinner, it was off and running after that. I met all those bands. There was eight bands. There was five that was solid.

that were touring already, and three little ones that were going to cross over with them, and there went away the cars, the B-52s, there went away all that music, like Ozzy Osbourne, God knows what had happened

with Ozzie's first album. Lather Skinnet was about to take over. Yeah, those, all those record dudes in New York would have been probably flying out to Florida, Georgia, looking for the next Skinner and shit instead of, you know.

And they did. They tried, there's a, my friend's band. I ain't the one. I grew up with a fucking, dude, Jesus Christ, he was very good to me growing up. In fact, I spoke to him a couple times. His son's in a band.

They're from New Jersey. And these guys did like the other guy. They did like the, not the worst guy, but the guy on the lower scale on NBC comes on that one. Oh, Carson Dale? I just did that show, yeah. Carson Daily. Hey, ask me what Carson. Ask me what Carson Daily is like.

What's he like? Don't know, I didn't meet him. Hilarious. Yeah. But he was on one of those shows, the band, or something like that. But I watched him, and they had a little Southern flavor to him. I always liked that Southern. Yeah, you know it's a good Southern rock band right now.

This band called Blackberry Smoke. You heard. Yeah, yeah. Check them out. Yeah, they're good. They're good. That fucking solo that fucking Dickie Betts does, where I said to you, put that solo on, that solo destroys me.

He took his fucking neighborhood into those first couple chords. He just brought it. You could smell the barbecue. He took you there. Oh, yeah. That's the brilliant. I'm going to check that out when I get.

That shit, all those concerts live from the 70s, a lot of them are going to flip off after the third song. These, Armand Brothers full concert, you've got an hour to kill, download it. Next time you take a fucking plane, put it on with earphones. Those guys lived, lived all, it was all about playing live. back then. You know, now, I mean, is there any new band that you give a shit about seeing

live? No. I would, but not for $657, brother. Exactly. I thought it over and I got to make a pass on it. You know, I got a family. I got mounts to feed and I can buy the CD and jump up and down. Me and Lee could do it.

Hit an ass and lock ourselves in here, turn out the lights and get extra speakers and take this to the next. Look how he looks at me. He's like, please don't do that to me. When I put on fucking. Black Sabbath and turn the lights down. He goes fucking Wobachian. Did you see any of the Sabbath reunion shows?

No, I did not. I saw me. It was good, but it wasn't a... I mean, you know, there's a little old... I saw the YouTube from this last video. Now, let's take everything into consideration. These guys were probably on their fucking 18th tour. They were all in their 60s and 70s. They're not even 40 and 50 like you and make, brother.

There's 60. and 70. They performed every other night, twice a week. Watch Tony A-Olemy's guitar on those YouTube things. Oh, he's still got it, yeah. He's a fucking savage, and Bill Ward's a fucking savage. And Ozzy, I love, I still don't know the mystery, whether he's singing, whether he's got a background. Well, someone told me that he, there's a guy backstage singing for him, but I told you, when I saw him, I said, if he's got someone backstage singing for him, I go, if he's got someone backstage singing for him, the guy took the night off because he didn't hit one note on. key he's 70 something years old yeah i mean i didn't bother me you can't really drink and destroy your

throat you can't smoke you know they have like something that they could shoot like i said i know this dude and he knew testosterone he's a testosterone doctor one of those age guys and i asked him once who comes here actors he goes my biggest mark of his musician really all these guys on tour that's what they do to perform a little shot two times a week of what testosterone yeah what does that do it makes you recover fast. Okay. You know, do you ever see,

you know, I've ever show Ozzy pours the bucket of water over him? You know why he does that? You found out? I hope I'm not telling these stories out of school, but this is what I was, he's incontinny,

he pisses his pants. So, they couldn't figure out what to do. They tried the diaper and all that shit. You know, Ozzy Osper can't go on stage in a fucking diaper. And they're just, and his man,

you're just like, you know what, just pour water over your head. You'll be soaking wet. No one can see a piss stain anyway. That's why he does that every show. That's crazy. Because he's pissing himself. You know, it's just those tours

in the 70s and 80s and 60s. Well, those guys, you mean, they lived 30 years every week. Like my brother, Bob Lillinger sent me a book about Jimmy Page, the three lies of Jimmy Page. I've been reading it for two months. I haven't even put a dent

in it. But right now, the last time I read it was his last weekend. This last weekend, it was about like one of their tours in 71 or something. And it was just pure. Oh yeah, it's like they should have been in cages. Yes. They were fucking animals.

They were animals. Like they just it's when you're reading it, you're shaking your head. Like how they live? How the question is how do you, how Bonham even lived that long? When you read those books. Bonham, Keith Moon, Eric Clapton. First of all, Clapton.

Those guys were hooked on fucking heroin. One deep. Page, I remember fucking Dean Delray showed us one time. Nebworth again, 79. You ever see that? No, who's that? Led Zeppelin doing Achilles' last night.

After the show, we'll put it on for you. Jimmy Page is being held up by the bones and his fucking shoulders. He's down to 80 pounds, brother. The heroin had him fucking deep. He was on heroin? Oh, now when he went back to Alex de Crowley's I was going to say, yeah, didn't he sat in there for three fucking years.

He lived in a... Raping that woman and fucking, you know... He was living in an Alastrakal's place, living with a little girl. Yeah, he was up there fucking doing evil things. Hey, I ain't mad at them. It's his business. Yeah. People lived how they lived in those days.

Makes the stars look pretty tame. The stones are animals on tour. But I read an interesting story from Keith Richards' book about the chick, the blind chick who used to come to all the shows, and Keith Richard found out she was blind, so he'd pay the guy. that carried the stage hands to take her from spot to spot

and take good care of her. When he got busted for heroin, the little blind girl found out and she hitchhiked to Canada and found out who the judge was knocked on his door and explained to him who Keith Richards really was,

the type of person he was that he looked after her on the road when she was just a runaway and she wanted to follow the band. He never tried to fuck her, made sure nobody fucked her and fucked her and the judge took the case into consideration, you know, he took the, yeah, man.

Yeah, I thought that was life. They're savages. Listen, we all know what we bump into, what I bumped into over the years. I know the people I bump into now are a lot better than the people I was bumping into 15 years ago on the road. I mean, there was nights I couldn't get a hold of my deal on the far in town, and I got a monkey on my back. It's four in the morning. I got a chick on the couch.

who I just got ready to fucking take off her panties and we realized we're down to a gram of blow and this ain't gonna I gotta stick some in her asshole and suck it out you know

I gotta do evil things at 6 in the morning and daylight's coming and you gotta do some evil things in the middle of night bro knock on doors it's horrible so you were pretty

at your worst it was pretty bad yeah I was going till 8 in the morning when I was on the room what do you think sorry if I'm at being too personal but like what was the worst

do you think just like could you was it so how was it how hard was it to quit it was a decision yeah it was a decision based on a promise based on who i become but it took me about a year to really quit but at that time i read like the road oh my god like i was going nuts so now do you just kind do weekends and stuff yeah but i would still do weekends back then but i would plan them like let's say i had to work wednesday thursday friday saturday saturday I'd fly down there Tuesday night at 5. I'd get to your town. And I had enough plans.

I had enough cash for two packs of cigarettes to Coke I was going to buy. And if I did a show that night, I'd get a draw. So I could show up at your town flat broke. That night for dinner, it just has to work. Who was booking you back then? I was booking myself. But I was getting fucked. Like, I remember going to Houston, being there for two weeks.

weeks and snorting every night except one. Huh. Like every night except one, like snorting until some nights still two. Some nights I go home and one package is pretty good. But one night

if the Coke was good, forget about it. I'd have to eat the morning. Talking shit, drawing pictures, whacking off, smoking cigarettes, drinking a little bit of alcohol, acting like a fucking asshole. At the end, what's so fun about that? He doesn't sound fine.

That was the last three years. But every once in a while, if I picked up a freak that I trusted, or somebody who was cool with me, you know what I'm saying? Like, if you were really, really cool with me, and I knew me and we were going to lock ourselves in for six hours in here and talk some shit, and maybe get two fucking brutes to come over and fucking stick fucking,

put some Wheel of Walker music on and eat their assholes right next to each other, you know what I'm saying? The good old days, man. That's about some Tony Bennett, brother. It's Monday to 6. Watch that little monkey. I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. I'm doing great.

See? You're a train this weekend. Hey, somebody's a six-time. I'm doing good. I'm going to eat two more time. What are we are? I'm at 12 with the thing. Oh, we got one tomorrow tomorrow that we're going big.

I forgot the chocolate bars. I didn't go into milk them. car. They sent this 400 milligram chocolate bar. Tasty as fuck. Yeah. If you think my fingers are greasy till I went to chocolate tomorrow night and shit.

My little brother, how funny is that fucking and you know what? It's not like I cut it out there and put it out there. I know that Lee's ashamed. You know, he feels guilty. But Lee there's nothing to be guilty about. We saw it. That's not a great look.

for anybody. Oh, I love it. Yeah, but what, Lee, nobody's going to say nothing. Everybody, what are you talking about? This is the director right now who's looking for a chubby little Jew to be an erotic David fucking, whatever. I just gave you an offer do that on stage for 200 bucks. That's how fucking funny you are. Intent drinking. You have no idea how

funny you become. I didn't do anything. I was just high. You were high as fuck, but you were falling apart and you were keeping it together and that's the soul during you. Most people would have thrown the headphones down, push the fucking, you would have picked up whatever, Rian, whatever's name is,

Rabazio, my little brother, you would have picked him up, thrown him out the doorhead first, he would have banged this out of the American flag. And then you would have just kicked Dean Delray right against the Victrola over here. The little edge of that would have stabbed him in the back and killed them.

You would come to me and then you look at me, you know I'm your brother, so you'd jump over the table on the way out, you'd step on that poor kid, kick him in the mouth, and you'd run out of here and run down the street and call 911 and go over to the fire department and they'd probably put you in a wet suit or those suits that they wrap you around

and they'd take it for the psychiatric thing because they find blood on your shoe. Meanwhile, I got to take this other kid to a fucking hospital and I got to bury Dean Delray. I got to go get some lime and get a shovel and drop Dean Delray off off to 170 with a Rolling Stone poster in his hand and a Hollywood Bowl ticket

and blame the other fucking Hollywood Bowl. you know what I'm saying? And then light my car on fire and reported fucking stolen after it's charcoal to death off the fucking 101 Norton somewhere. That would be my evening.

So please, do me no favors. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I see that shit and I fucking, I love it, but not in like an embarrassing way, I'm just like,

that's a champ. Most people would have cracked under pressure. Yeah, I wouldn't. Just looking at that door in that condition and knowing that that door is closed and there's three people in front of you to get out,

and you're not going to get out in time. You're like, you're going to have a nervous breakdown. Like, I've been in situ... The reason why I fly, and I have two of those doctor fucking Xanaxes, and they're in that bag, Scott's tape. They don't move. I never touch them.

It was because there was a couple times I went on planes, and I got, let's just say, I got a little bit too fucking high on edibles, and I thought about opening up that fucking window and jumping out, And I'll tell you, it's not a good feeling. I don't fly without Xanax with me. Listen to me, bro.

Sunday, I had one of those L.A. adventures again. Lee, you ready? Again. Again, this can only happen to your Uncle Joey. I get the fucking wherever I was last week, which I had a great time. Omaha, Nebraska. And I get to the fucking Delta Terminal early, I eat breakfast like a gentleman.

and I'm right there at Terminal C4 and I'm sitting there against the wall minding my own business ready to get in the fucking line to board the plane and a black, nice, fucking cool dude comes up to me and goes, do I know you from somewhere?

And I go, nah, I don't think so. He goes, yeah, I do. I know you from some movies and shit, you know, and I said, yeah. And he goes, my name is whatever. He was a gentleman. We start talking and stuff. And he goes, do you live in a lot of life?

You look at a New York type of guy. I go, nah, I live in LA. He goes, you like it? I go, nah, I'm having my issues, you know. I think I've been there for too long. I'm ready to move on, you know. He goes, what don't you like about? And I go, well, for starters, look around the fucking terminal.

Look at Terminal 1, look at Terminal 2. What do you see? I go, look over there. You see real people. Look at this terminal. Count how many, if all these people had the hood of the captain, what do you call those, those skull? caps. Everybody has a skull cap on because the airport's a fucking miserable freezing place.

There was a guy with pink shoes sitting in the row waiting to get on. Everybody had a weird hand-do. There's a chick with a t-shirt, barely covering her tits, belly button out, tight pants, shoes. There's the chick with the purse with the little chihuahua in it. It's endless. It's endless the parade of jerkoffs. Every airport you go to and you get out on the flight to LA, it's endless. And I mentioned this to the guy. And I mentioned this to the guy. I go, how many service dogs are you got? He goes, oh, we just got that girl with the dog in her basket in her fucking purse.

He goes, you're right. There's always service dogs. There'll be people with three service dogs. One person. Three service dogs and the assistant. That's fucking, yeah. I mean, I fucking hate it. I get on the plane.

You know me. I'm always one C That's just the way of this When I get on a plane I don't fuck around I want one C If I don't have it we buy it We figure how to get one C Or one fucking B

And then we move backwards one by One and then once I get to the airport We try to deal with it but I got one C Going there and coming back I sit I put my shit on top I take my earphones off I take my walk When I put my wall in the bag

because I don't need it, and I put my little cell phone with me with my glasses. I got my little nicotine gum. I ain't bothering nobody. Some fucking Harvey Homo with his assistant comes up to me with his grease head back. And he goes, you're in my fucking chair. That's how my day starts at fucking 5.25 in the morning on fucking Sunday. I haven't bothered anybody. I haven't even said booed anybody except for this little black gentleman and the cab driver

tried to give me an ear beating about his son of Liberia jumping up in down taking pictures of polar What are you telling me for? It's 4.15 the morning. I'm barely up. I need 10 shots of coffee and somebody to lick my ass on and get me up. And you're bothering me about your kids hunting taking pictures of polar

bans up in Liberia. Four fucking 30 in the morning, you cock sucker. I love you. So I sit there and the guy's like, that's my chair. I go, no, I'm one C. He looks at me and goes, no, I'm one C. I go, listen. I'm one C. I just looked at the ticket.

I'm on this row. Pop, I go, I'm one seat. He looks and he goes, well, I got to get to the bottom of this, because that's my chair. That's why I always sit. Oh, my goodness. Like, that's why I always sit. And he laughed at his assistant stayed there glaring at me, like he was going to do something. Piece of shit.

So I leveled my foot sideways, so if he came to me, I can stop him in his knees and get up and with one foot and just punch him in the fucking throat and end it right there for me. Give me 10 years in the fucking federal prison up in Lompark on how ride horses and Leo come up once a week and we'll do the podcast live

from the prison gun a little something for reactivation into the fucking land you follow me? Is that what L.A. is for you now? So what happened? So he came back

and he goes, that's my, I go, no, I'm one C. And the guy goes, well, show him his ticket. The guy was fucking 4C. And he goes, well, no, it doesn't matter. I want to sit there. I go, are you fucking serious? I go, go on the back,

get in the dungeon. And him, he was, fucking part. Let me tell you what happened towards it. It was a crazy flight. Even the fucking attendants came up. This past Sunday? This flight was crazy. Something else happened in the flight. It was the two first class

attendants were black. And there was a guy on there that would open up the top. Pull his shit out and shit will fall down and he'd go back in his corner and sit. This happened about four or five times. The lady said something to him. And he goes, what do you think I paid for first class for?

You pick it up. That was like rudeness right there. And then, with 10 seconds, 10 minutes to go on the flight, the dude who I told him to get in the dungeon, his lover walks past me and goes in the bathroom. I'm watching, fuck, and I tried to watch Planet of the Apes again, the most racist thing I was saw in my life. I couldn't watch it.

I saw it in the movies I had to walk out. It offended you? Yes, it did offend me. For the first time, I grew up on Planet of the Ames. That was my favorite movies of all time But Eat the Planet of the Apes When they amassed themselves Under the Lincoln Tunnel, one of the greatest scenes ever

In fucking the media But it changed my outlook when I saw this Now it's real racist When I was a kid it was like mild racist And he got high And he goes let's unhunt black people We can't do that His assistants like we can't do that

Well what can we substitute Let's substitute apes or monkeys That's what they did I honestly believe that You really think that? Yeah, I think that. And as I get older, now that I saw this one, they really went crazy. And I'm, you know me, dog, I'm half racist.

I'm not racist, but I say racist shit in my house. I like the new Plano the Ace movies, but you're going to ruin them for me, you know. I'm old school. I grew up. I mean, I come from Cuba. Cinema is big to me, a guy like me. I sit there. I watch all those when I came.

I never forget friends telling me, you got to go see. Beneath the Planet of the Apes, they were like 15. I was, see what it looks like. Beneath the Planet of the Apes, he's fucking old. Seriously, put on Beneath the Planet of the Apes, peel skin scene. Watch this. This is going to fucking creep you out. There's the type of shit I went there.

The skin, the face skin scene. Put it up on the computer, my brother. On the big screen, that's for you Uncle Joey, will you? Yes. Why are you playing games with me? I'm not. I'm going on YouTube. Jesus Christ.

You're talking about on the plane, the new ones. No, the old one. You were watching the old ones? No, I was watching the fucking new ones. Now, one day I went to the movie theater, and I tried to watch the new one, and I was going for a while. And I was watching, I'm going to go, wait a second.

They created this in the 70s. They created this in the 60s. This was Planet of the Apes, then beneath the Planet of the Apes, then escaping the Planet of the Apes, then Revenge of the Planet of the Apes. When I was a kid, there was like four or five of them, they were American blockbusters,

but there were interesting films. But beneath the Planet of the Apes had a scene where I had to be six or seven guys Okay, let me see fountain scene from beneath the Planet of the Apes let's see that scene did you put in that that? It's called planet of the Apes So guys when this move face peel he chees right there that's try the first one made the planet of the ape Try that one made what the fuck That's the missile that's going to shoot, kill the world. And the apes have, and somebody's got this fucking thing. I don't know if it's the Puerto Ricans.

Who the fuck knows? It's a scary fucking scene when you're a child. Like I said, I was fucking five. And my friends talked me into going to see this from 88th Street. I went like an asshole. Were you scared of going to zoos after that? Like, were you scared of actual apes? Nah, I went to the Bronx Zoo a couple days after that

It's a three-day excursion in those days Walking around the fucking Bronx Zoo But no, it was, uh, I don't know I just turned it off and I watched the show I was watching JJ Well, I need a new show to watch Should I try that one? No, because it's Spanish

You don't watch Narcos yet? I watch, yeah, I watch, I watch, I watch, I watch, keep watching that Netflix has some great shit You gotta hunt it That's the good thing about Netflix. If you've got time, you'll find something. Yeah. They have a lot of old TV series.

Like, I recently watched Cheers and Frasier. Like, when I go to the gym, that's what I do. Yeah, that's like comfort food. It's like, makes me feel good. Yeah, I just want something on in the background. Someone was telling me, what was someone talking about today? Is that Ozark they were talking about? That's not familiar?

Oh, yeah, I have heard about that. I haven't seen that one. I still want about the money laundering. I've just heard the name Ozark There's something about money laundering or something like that I've been rewatching a Caribbean enthusiasm So I can catch up and watch the news here Did you watch it once before?

I was spot spot it Did you get to the part where you get to hook up? I've seen that one before you. Is that one the funniest things? When I first watched that one Now what happens Saturday night Did you watch it? Yes

Yes, I did. Live? Was it offensive to you? Oh, no, I'm sorry. I thought you're talking about the UFC. No, I did not watch that. Did you see it or no? No.

I heard about it. What was the thing? Something about Hitler or something? I think about the Holocaust. Well, the pickup line, be it, Auschwitz. Hey, how's it going? You know, shit like that. Which, like again, my wife and I were talking about this.

I don't know, guys. I was raised under the thing. Me, that Oye, Guy. Yeah, that means fucking boom, boom, boom, right? But number two was sticks and stones don't break my bones. Yeah, exactly. And words will never help me. Whatever, it hurt me.

Call me this, call me that. I still say you're a big fat rat. Whatever you say sticks to you. I'm rubber your glue. I'm rubber your glue. So that's what you were raised as. All of a sudden now, we've sensitized everything, bro. Yeah, it's a weird time to be doing what we're doing.

Every day, fucking some. He's apologizing. I had a question. Why do you think that is? Because, you know, we got the dirtiest president ever. So you'd think it would open shit up more. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's tightening.

The liberalism is tightening. Bro, they took Columbus Day away because he killed people 3,000 years ago. What the fuck do we know? What the fuck do we know? At this point, shouldn't we be able to say fucking shit on NBC? I don't understand it. No, listen, man, that's, they have big, But listen, their sponsorship money.

That's all NBC's decision. It's going down. Yeah, it's NBC's decision. FX is FX for a reason. Fox said, you know what? We don't want to show that shit. But what if we create a cable network that the rules are a little lighter? And you can say pussy and cock and everything except this word until 10 o'clock at night.

Did you hear Disney's going to buy that? What? FX? They're splitting up a bunch of the Fox. products. I love FX. I love what they've done. I love the chances they take. And everybody gets to watch and you make a decision, bitch.

And they got sponsors on there. So I don't want to fucking hear it. You know, Sons of Anarchy did tremendous numbers. That crime show, that late horror show, the spooky show that had. It's brilliant. Fucking brilliant. Every season is fucking brilliant. I like that better

than anything I've watched the last couple of fucking years. I don't mind spooky shit. That's got action to it. I don't listen, I'm 50 fucking 4. If you're going to jump out of the thing with a glove and a mask on, just give me my money back.

Just give my money back. It's 2017. I've seen fucking the first fucking whatever. I like that shit as a kid. I saw The Exorcist as a kid. I like that shit. The Exorcist to me is the scariest movie you ever watch because it

scares you when you go home. It'll affect you for the first two weeks. Put the light on if you hear a rat in your house. Rosemary's baby too. Yeah, Rosemary's baby. All those type of movies psychological. But they were smart. Then there's the movies that make you yelling in your seat.

I don't like that. I don't like that either. That's high blood pressure shit. That's just like easy to do. Just quiet and then laugh. Yeah, you know it's coming, but you still get scared. Yeah, no, the people next to you act like fucking momos. But you're already too high.

You might as well stay in there. What the fuck? I don't know. I like certain. type of horror. I like Alfred Hitchcock. I like fucking... Shining. The Shining, I enjoy

what's that fucking other one? The Twilight Zone? Yeah, yeah. That could be fucking spooky as fuck because you have to I was a kid. It was the last show on. Remember, I grew up on Honeymooner,

odd couple, Sanford and Son, Twilight Zone. 1230 Twilight Zone Are you fucking good? Yeah Twilight Zone is pretty ahead of its time And then you turn Twilight Zone is still

They do Twilight Zone marathons Next time Thanksgiving comes around And sci-fi does or whatever I want you to make sure you tape The one with Burgess Meredith When he wears glasses And the end of the world happens I want you to tape the one with Sebastian Cabot

Where he plays the devil In a white suit It's fucking brilliant. The writing will take you from one dimension to another. And there's like five more that you can't think of off the top of your head that when you walk. Because I've seen all of them. As a kid, I watched it. That was the only show that when I was a kid, they had already seasons of it already.

And they were kind of weird. They were kind of black, even more black and white than these ones. So you didn't want to watch them. I even went back and watched them. And I've always enjoyed them. There's something that I don't want to see again. Yeah, I'll watch those marathons. And there's a son that you want to watch again.

It's like, I love TV that's like, or movies, whatever, that's smarter than me. That's a step ahead of me, you know. Nowadays, I can just guess what's happening. I know what's happening in that next scene no matter what. Like I said, this thing that I got turned on to, you want me to tell you want me to tell you to tell us TV because it reminds me of being a child and watch and tell novellas. And I got to tell you some, this production company, whoever they are.

In my eyes, they've hit it out of the park because they're three for three. They're three for three. They're narcos, this show, and Celia. About a Cuban... Oh, about Celia Cruz, the Cuban chick. Another 88 fucking episodes.

Oh, I'll watch that. I think they got it down to a science. It's a mix of film and telenovela put together. They got interesting characters. They got a fucking character named Urega. Okay, this is about... a prison. This is about a hit man that killed 250 people

and responsible for 3,000 people. He pulled the trigger in one way or the other. But before he turns himself in, while they're hunting Pablo, he cuts a deal for seven years. And they put him in the capital prison. And it's run by

drug traffickers. There's a girl in one cell, parameditary and then the guerrillas, the commies and all this shit. So it takes you deep. he goes in there and he's one step ahead everybody

he's like a fucking Spanish the guy from the son's anarchy whatever he does he's always got coverage he tells he takes these tales that he does like one thing he did was he started writing

he found the publisher off of the money and he started writing this is a true fucking story bro he started writing and he got the publisher to come in, give him an offer, and to bring the machines into the prison.

So his coworkers in the prison could have work and they could earn money as a re-whatever into society program. What they didn't know was that this guy wrote this book, but he was putting acid in the paperwork, in the books, and shipping them out. And they would go to like Barnes & Noble,

you would walk in there. Let me get all the books for fucking once. That's his name. You would take him back to a lab and they cut the sheets out. He took cocaine. He took cocaine out of Columbia and replaced it with acid. And he did it all from this prison. It was crazy.

Where did you get there? He got a chemist in there. And they got everything smuggled. And it's Columbia. If you have money, you live like a doctor. And they were printing the books in there? That's why, yeah. That's why they fought extradition.

Because down there, with a million dollars, you go to jail, but it's like being home. You got a bed, you got a big screen TV, and guess what? If you got that type of money, you got 21-year-old freaks coming in every night. You got coke in there? Oh, yeah. They had bitches in there every night. You pay the guards off. They come in at midnight.

Harder than fuck. But you've got to have a million dollars to do that type. Those narco-trafficicantes had $15 billion American dollars in the bank when they went to prison. You got to imagine $15 billion in the bank from selling coat. How would you live in prison? Not in the United States. Not anymore. You might find a couple fucking crooked guards

or let you do something. But I doubt it's going to be like high level like you live in Columbia. Look how Pablo Escobar built the inside of that place and taught Columbia into fucking putting themselves in there. Did you ever stop and think about that? I lived through that.

I remember reading about that and going, is it me or is this fucking just crazy? that he was just allowed to build his own prison yeah and that you knew he was building soccer fields in there and who's the guy who tunneled out El Chapo El Chapo He's in New York in Manhattan

To what In prison He's about to go on trial So they haven't been in New York Yeah because he escaped in Mexico They can't trust Mexico Let me give some shoutouts real quick to my little brother Andrew McCarton

my man Young Health Time Uki Spooky my girl passenger shaming Ghetto Vaccaro Tyvon Keneep Jeffrey Collins as usual Nikki Shades and regular car reviews

Don't forget I think the link is up next Tuesday I'm doing the showcase You motherfuckers torture them Thank you You guys torture them Netflix, thank you I'm getting a Netflix fucking showcase

next Tuesday 8 p.m. comedy store and then the following Wednesday Irvine Improv the night before Thanksgiving Lee's making an appearance he loves the hamburgers down there you know how we do it those have been the best rides of our lives

the first ride I took down there with Lee I was 10 minutes away from pulling home and telling Lee to fucking take over the wheel and make a U-turn and go home we got so high by mistake one time the first time it was not by mistake it was on purpose

I don't do nothing on purpose, okay? Everything is well planned out, but sometimes plans backfire. I've talked about a thousand times. Sometimes the edible turns on you. Which time was this? I don't remember it. I got video of it. Let me explain something to you.

Edibles turn on you from time to time. You met them more from bad feeling. You've been thinking about something. Maybe you watch narcos too many episodes, and next thing you know, you eat an edible, it turns on you. And it backfires on you. Body DNA is off. Maybe eat a lot of cheese that day.

Maybe you got no testosterone in your system. And next thing you know, you sit on the couch thinking about fucking shoot yourself. But you want to watch fucking your friend on Jimmy Kimmel. And that's what's keeping you alive. I mean, you get so fucking high sometimes. But sometimes you control it. Here on the church, we take chances. Why?

Because that's how you got to roll. What if you bump into somebody and they give you something on the street, on the up and up? And they ain't legit. Guess what happens? We're prepared. if you dose me with a pot cookie nothing's going to happen I'm an Ani Molly of Ani Maui

What the fuck are we talking about here? I don't know, but I love it It's just like... No, we always fucking go deeply, that's why I love it here It's like it's its own dimension, you know? No, this is, listen, from the beginning from day one I wanted people to hear something

learn something and take something home with them You know what I'm saying? I really want them to have that feeling of there's no pretentious to see this is who I am this ain't no fucking guy I'm not doing this for my health I really enjoyed doing this

and talking to people who were young who were fucking having problems you know last week somebody posted on the wall that they were 23 and you know and it takes me back like how fucking fucked up was I at 23 how scared was I was just scared what was this guy saying

I think he was 23 and he was going through a hard time I really really fucked of me because I remember everybody thinks it just happens, you know, in this life. I love how people's attitude is that this just happens. No, this happens because of discipline, and even though we want to do something, we don't do it. That's when you really grow as a musician, as a comedian.

That's a different. Yeah, I mean, the whole thing that with me was, I don't think I would have gotten this if it wasn't for the 2,000 people who told me I can't do it. That was the whole point. I got to prove to you that, you know what, I don't need the fucking. radio. I don't need fucking Jimmy Fowl. I don't need any of that fucking shit. I'll sell tickets anyway.

You know, we'll figure it out. Like I said, the good thing about you is I go watch you. I know I'm going to watch good. I'm going to watch good fucking musicians. Great composed music. The lyrics about this fat

chick sucking your pipe. That's the cherry on the motherfuckin' sundae. You know what I'm saying? But if you really like country music, you have no excuses you just can't oh you can't take the words come on how old that's my thing too is just like what I was trying to do is I mean

I was trying to do a million things but one of us is you know country music used to be fun that was the whole point like let's take this traditional country music with great musicians and sing about dick sucking and you know well let me tell you something if you don't think I'm I hope you don't think I'm blind

even though I went to see Kenny Rogers in 83 and I want to see somebody else in the country realm not Chris Christopherson. I think I went to see Willie Nelson with them with my buddy Jimmy V. Yeah, Willie Nelson still got it.

But I also saw something. I saw the corporation come into country music. Oh, yeah, no. I saw them take the, they took a rock mode. They turned it into like when they were hot on the five kids singing and dancing together. New kids on the block. And the other ones and the other ones. Well, that's the war.

I've got, you know. All those guys are fucking pissed in me because it's like, this is not, it's, it's, it's, it's corporate pop country. It's corporate pop country. It's not country music. And it's well fucking produced. Yeah, but it sounds like Nukits on the block. You know, I know who really has the country in their heart and I, who's faking the fun. And you know, people, people see through it.

It takes, it takes, it takes, it takes, it takes 10 seconds to listen to it and realize what the dog shit is, you know. But it's really weird how it's become so. country music is just the country music awards is you know it's fucking unbelievable you sit there and go what the fuck is this I want to hear something crazy

so the country music awards it's the big award show and I have a duet on this on the new record old Wheeler called fucking around a friend of mine is on the CMA board and he he wrote the song fucking around with me and he was at a CMA meeting

and you know the last ballot before the nominees the head of the country music awards goes we got a problem here and he goes and there everyone was like there's a song by some guy named

Will Walker Jr. called fucking around it's still on the ballot and the final ballot's tomorrow like what do we do that I mean he might know what the fuck this is and my friend's like

yeah I co-wrote the song I wrote it with Wheeler and he goes and they're like you know what do we do I mean what do if it gets a nomination

and they had to decide the meeting that we'll put the asterix in or whatever so I was this close to it. I mean, I don't want it because I don't want to have to go to that bullshit, but how cool would it be? You gotta go.

No, it would have been cool. If you win it for doing what the fuck you believe in? Yeah, it would have been a nice fuck. You gotta show a tuxedo up and tell them all the suck you think. But yeah, I was, I was this close to a vocal event of the year was the category. Good for you, man. Which, you know, it doesn't really count because no one knows

about it. That's why I'd say it on the church. That feels good that the fans had your fucking back on this. Well, it felt it was weird because it's not fans. It was the, it's the industry voting on it. How crazy is it? I don't know how it got that for. Because the music is fucking tremendous. I think people... If you really like that music and you don't mind

some lyrics, like I said, what the fuck is wrong with you? You go out to eat ass and eat pussy. Nobody goes out to leave the gig and go to church. Nobody. Not one person. Everybody takes one of those hot, chunky little country blondes. She's been out of fucking gas station. And all those

clean country guys are just doing blow and fucking girls, you know? And they're doing steroids now. They're all looking good, man. Those guys are fucking yoked. These guys need to, I always say, they need to stop going to the gym and take some guitar lessons, you know, or take some singing lessons.

But, yeah, I mean, it's just a bunch of bullshit, and I'm sick of it. And I'm, it's like a nice big fuck you to all them, you know. But it's working. See, that's the, if you were sitting here, like not touring and not selling tickets and not having the success you're having, then I go, listen, you took a chance.

Columbus did. go home, regroup, get those fucking lyrics spinning. Well, that's what I thought I was supposed to be. Take those X-rated fucking words out now. Go back with this great music you have. And listen, let me tell you what the beauty about this is. What numbers?

This is album number two, correct? You don't have two more albums. At least, probably, yeah. And then you're going to do a real album with no dirty lyrics. You think so? Oh, yeah. You're going to get duet because you're brilliant.

You're going to write songs in your head, I want you to picture who you want to write these songs with. And I guarantee if you write 10 good songs, like you've been writing, you're going to get two of those hot country chicks to sing a duet with you. You got a great voice. The music is solid. And fuck with them. You already won the war.

Now you really want to come on their face. Let me show you who the fuck I'm rolling with. Yeah. And do a 10 city tour and call it to Suck My Dick Tour. And now you do the song on the radio to Suck My Dict Tour. Yeah. that's it now you're switched them

this is longevity this is Madonna type shit what would Madonna do why did Madonna last 20 years because she was fucking around she was fucking with the ad guy look at her history next time you got it

next time you're a problem with making money find something about Madonna and yeah she sucked a little dick you see her complain about Harvey Weinstein I don't know you know you know what I'm saying Madonna blew Harvey Weinstein

15 times You ever see her complaint? She joined you a yoga. She fucking twisted until the bad minerals came out of those. Those little fucking Jew little sperm, little pedophile Jews. These are the little dungeon Jews. The little dungeon Jews. That's what I call them.

It got worse every time you said it. Who are the dungeon Jews? Fucking, what's his name? Weinstein. Weinstein. Those fucking dungeon Jews. I guess I guess maybe the petfile is worse than Dungeons. No.

He's one of those dungeon juice. Everybody's fucking maddened. I'm talking about... What does that even mean? What's hell? What does that mean? Describe with dungeon juice. At least not one.

I think I might be. Bro, let me tell you something. They haven't even discovered half of what Weinstein has. Oh, can you imagine? Oh, my God. I read an article today that he hired like private investigators from like a team

I'm still laughing about the dungeon Jew that's one of those he keeps little girls in the basement at some little dungeon Jew in Israel and he keeps like a little feeder like they do for your cat when you leave for a year it's like a little feeder with Cheerios

hand sanitizer and he flies into Israel he climbs into the hole he fucks the shit out of the dungeon he throws some Jew He flies in the latest kind of. Yeah, and he flies back to America. He's got to have shit in safes that would fucking destroy people

because he's creepy. So if he did it for this long, that means he got confidence and he taped a few of them. No. Oh, you have to think like him right now. I think you would have to come out with it. Unless you're that fucking dumb. Listen, he's an old dungeon, June.

Number one, he's got an ace in the home. He's going to come out of there. with something. There's some place. There's an apartment where he took girls. He rented hotels. Okay, but he couldn't have been

that stupid because up to get 24 Seasons's hotel, that's cameras. So he couldn't be that fucking stupid. So after a while when they got hip and through the investigations, I guarantee he's got about five or six. He's got some Pablo Escobar pads all over Bentley Hills,

Palm Springs, San Diego. go, maybe Santa Barbara, where he would drive, make the girls go up there and drive to get away. You got to hide, Lee, to bang these girls. You got to get away from the paparazzi, and he ain't stupid. He was doing it for that long, right? Women said he molested them 20 years ago, correct? Yeah, well, someone's going to take him to trial now, right? So somebody's going to take him to trial, and, you know, I don't know.

I don't know what's going to happen there. He's got three investigations, guys. he's gonna if any if anything if they connect all this he's gonna die in jail because he's gonna get

40 years he's gonna get 10 he's gonna get 15 years concurrent from three different fucking states they're gonna fucking take them to they're gonna find them in

California or find them in New York then what what he's gonna do to England I know he's broke I know he's cleaned up but again

he's a dungeon Jew he's got 3 million and fucking pesos and the mill and cougar and somewhere but at the same time he's got to have film on somebody he's a creepy

what would the film do though the film he would sell it to fucking penthouse or the high is better you gotta be kidding me and you imagine what a film of him naked if you think fucking

what's the other guy what's the popular guy that played the harmonica on the podcast who played the Harmonic on the podcast and freaked you out. Oh, Ron Jeremy. Ron Jeremy. Oh, he shut up to one of my show.

If you think Ron Jeremy's fucked up naked now, can you imagine fucking Harvey Weinstein naked with Angelina Jolie sucking that flute? Oh. And him telling him, I'm going to give you three movies. Suck it hard. And she's licking those balls and shit. Can you imagine there's something like that surfaces? So he's got to have some ace in the hole.

He's just... I never thought about it. He's not in fucking Arizona. rehab. He's sitting around with three high-powered fucking Jews trying to figure out what his strategy is going to be. He's just sitting tight right now.

I wouldn't be surprised if Harvey Weinstein hasn't already got a fucking plane ready to drop. Here's my question. Here's the honest question. Maybe you guys can answer it. Obviously he's a sick fuck and I'm against what he's doing in case they take this clip out.

But if you tell a girl to suck your dick to be in a movie, And they do it. Is that illegal? I don't know. You know what I'm saying? Like, isn't that a gray area kind of? It's a gray area because why take the acting lessons?

Yeah. To save $8,000 in the school of dance and you'd have to need to play the piano. Obviously, it's not cool, but like what's the, what's the law? Listen, I want to know the percentage rate. He was running at. How many chicks did suck his dick? If he molested 60 of them, how many chicks did suck his dick and who sucked? This is what you're the other side of the coin that's going to speak or speculate about.

And, you know, this is going to get interesting. But let's say London drops the charges and New York picks it up for rape and somebody else. You know, these are all people saying this happened 30 years ago. I don't know how the law works. I don't know all the statute of limitations. I don't know what you're going to use for fingerprints or the sample from your vagina, the underwear, this leftover semen from the ejaculation. Well, I don't know.

I just want special victims unit like everybody else. You know what I'm doing? That's it. It's... But right now, he's not getting help. He's talking to a guy 10 minutes a day, and he's in there with a son. He's an arrogant fuck.

And that's what got him fucked up. That he's an arrogant fuck. Okay, yeah, she sued him. They give her $3 million. Shut the fuck up. Sign the contract, that dumb bitch. And then when everybody leaves, he tells he's a sister.

I got to tell you something. I put it in her ass like four fucking times. She loved it. He's one of those guys. you could tell by looking at him the type of Adam. Like he didn't want to work on his personality at all to actually pick him up.

No, no, no, no, no. And I guarantee, listen, he had women that would suck his dick whenever they'd see him, even if they were involved in a relationship. Even if they were involved in a relationship, they bump into a party, they go there with their husband. They'll tell the husband, excuse me,

how he's going to show me a new kind of his new movie in his studio. Keep talking to Lee. I'll be right back. minutes. They go in there, they swallow the sword, they come with that cum breath and next thing, you know, they got a three packets deal and shit. You know, you got

to think about what happened there. So he's a creepy fuck, man. But right now, he's not getting out. Yeah, it sounded like from the article he just like, would take it out. It didn't sound like he was offering it, like, if you would do this so kindly. Yeah, I would give you a movie role.

Didn't sound like it was two posts. Let's say, let's say, let's say there's a type of dude I read this one thing. He, hearing on the movie set, from a so-called actor, the actor dated this actress for a while, and they broke up.

And I guess after the thing wrapped, they went to a hotel, and they were drinking at the bar. And the actor started describing his relationship with this chick and how good their sex life was. And, you know, think about if I tell you how hot this chick is, how good of a dick she sucks,

and you're a president. The next time you see it, what are you going to do? You're a president of a student. to you. Whatever I always said, Lee, if I look like Brad Pitt, I'd walk around with my dick out all day because I know chicks would bow and

speaking to the microphone as I walked past their house, you know what I'm saying? You walk down in a neighborhood, you got 18 blow jobs and three chicks fainted and passed out from heat exhaustion. And from fucking, yeah, you're Brad Pitt. You know, in my mind,

Brad Pitt could walk down on his street with his dick out and nobody will down 911 there'll be reports that there was a penis hanging out of his pants. But by the time he hears the sirens, who put it in, and it was just the shadow of the sun. You know, it's fucked up, but it's true, brother. Oh, no, that's definitely true. I mean, you're out there doing shows.

You really have to watch yourself. No, I do watch it. In America today, you know, we were both talking about touring and stuff, and I know the difference about how I was living 10 years ago, how I would sleep two hours and two days. and then get on a fucking plane first thing of the morning. And it would be like being on the fucking twilight zone. Being on the fucking twilight zone.

I was just walking around. Then I would get to LAX and take a cab. And I probably made $1,200. I spent $600 on blow. You know, I spent $100 on food, $100 on the hotel room, 100 on the cab ride. Now I'm coming home at $300 to see my fucking girlfriend. She's expecting $1,200.

I got a mere 300 That's tough I used to go on the road Just to go fucking bananas Now I go on the road To write and read And eat two good meals And you come on with most of the money

I come on with all the money I don't even take in advance I don't even think about it I take my deposit When I leave LAX A cash deposit I withdraw 200 bucks And I have my ATM card

For the big thing It's not the whole time You leave your money card and if you want to eat something, you put it on your room. Nobody fucking gets their feelings. And then I get receipts and I staple my receipts with my fucking thing. They're going to hand them to my wife Sunday night. And she does all the accounting and here we are talking to each other, nobody's going to jail.

That's a way you do. I don't need to knock on my door telling me at the IRS I own geese. I'm too old to do federal time right now. I ain't got that type of fucking cash to have where you're going up there dropping off envelopes and playing. checkers with me. Things get bad. I got a pimpley in there behind the walls of debt. And Lomparks, old men want to tell

them all you the stories. Why am I in there now? Because you're my dog. You'll take a bullet for your Uncle Joey. You know that. I'm not going in prison. He's going in and you're going in with him. No, I'm not taking in there, but you come in once a week. I have a guy you rub his balls and sing him a song and teach him how to podcast and he gives you a small 300.

Where is he in a 300? Because, bro, for a guy like you, I get 500, promising me a asshole of them wear them over the head with a stick. And 300 is not enough. What, to feel his balls? Yeah, especially not for like a hand

you'd like to like for completion. It's not a hand job. You're going to sit on the man's lap. I'll just jiggle his balls through his jeans. That's so weird. Why is it weird? I don't know how you do that physically.

Is he like fully like undressed? And he'll hug you like he's Santa. And then he'll tell you how cute you're on to rub your head. He'll probably kiss you on the lips. once or twice. This actually sounds like it. This actually sounds like fun, man. And then you'll rub his little nuts through his jeans

until you can't take it no more. And then you'll stick his hand down his pants and they'll be like $400 bills, you pull it out. You kiss him on the cheek. You tell him you love him and let him rub your head. He'll try to touch your dick. You hit his hand. You tell him that needs more money.

And that to call you, if he wants to see you again. And that next time you wear a dress with a small $750, you know what I'm saying? Like, we'll work. And we'll keep him out. Those student loans going real well The what? Those student loan payments are...

Bro, I have the student loans payment In fucking three weeks I'll pimp you out so much I get three little fucking pedophiles I'll love to play with you Talk about podcasting and yelp You can talk about yelp with them and shit The importance of yelp when they got out of prison

To choose a good restaurant You know I love you my buddy I would never pimp you out Not to do sex acts But the touch of an old man's balls What's the difference? What are you talking about? Just to sit on a guy's lap and touch his balls

You sound like you have experience doing this No, I'll open I'll pimp anybody out, you know me Listen, I'll charge them $350, you get $250 And you get security and you walk in and out of jail Where do you get $100 for it? Because I'm telling you what I'm providing. The security, the booking

The booking that nobody's going to hit you in the head And stick a dick up your ass And leave you in prison hang in there That's the last hundred bucks you ever spent, right? I'm going to make sure that you just go in there, watch TV with him. What if that's what if he wants to do? What's that? Like, what if you ask security, you're the guy who wants to stick it up my butt?

Who, me? I don't know about you personally, but you. Now, let's say you go into the old man's shed, and an inmate comes up to me and says, Joey, how much of a cute little Jew? I'll ask him, what do you want to do? I want everything. I want around the world. They'll listen, my Jew don't do around the world.

She's a virgin. What I'll let you do is. I'll have him pull his pants down, and he can jerk off on his butt cheek. And he'll do like a reach around, his little nut sack. That's as far as he goes. Really? Well, he really scratches balls from behind. He goes to yoga three times a day.

He's a guru. You can't tell by looking at his body. He got hit by a car when he was a kid, and he can't stop eating cheeseburgers, but he's all right besides that. I would get three bills. I would get 750 feet of bend over, hold your ankles. And from three feet away, some guy whack off. and with his hands, just throw the cum at your ass. That's it.

And afterward, when your ass is wiped, you can hug him and tell him you'll love him, and that's it. 750, two of those a day, that's $1,500. Five days a week. Are you fucking kidding me? That's good money, man. You'll fire me. You'll say, I don't want to work on the podcast no more.

That's a lot of fucking cash, Lee. That's like fucking, that's like 15,000 every two weeks. That's 30,000 a month. No sex. Brendan over and letting guys... What do we call it? What's the website? I don't know.

There's no website. No website. How do we market? This is an imaginary character in case I ever went to prison and things got bad. We ran out of loot. You know me with partners. I need for a fucking... Go behind bars, maybe sell some coke.

We have to do things. But if an old Jew inmate comes up to me and says, listen, your friend, he's kind of cute. Can we work some out? You make him shave his beard and wear a militant suit. Listen, for a small 350, my friend, do whatever the fuck you need,

but you can't know sex. You need the small 350? Because I'm, listen. It's not enough to do what you're talking about. No, no, no, no. 3.50 to bend over and have a guy do that is disgusting. Anything that would come involved? No, no, no.

The other one when you sit on his lap and watch TV for a half hour. I'm not touching his balls. Listen, what? You're not touching his balls. You're looking the other way. Your balance is going to go. You're just going to grab his balls by mistake to pull your back up and just give them a smile

and may believe you watch the baseball game again. Everybody loves baseball. You're a crazy person. It's not a crazy person. This is the fucking best conversation ever. I'm just thinking about imaginary situations. You're my brother. I'm not in business to pimp you. You're my little brother. I got to look out for you.

I know Dick Syed. I know your mother. I know the boss over there. Patron. That's what you call now, right? I heard you call the other day. When I called, you're like, hold on. Hold on. Oh, Patron. You call El Patron now and shit Why not?

Wheeler Walker Jr., you bad motherfucker. What's up, man? I congratulate you for your success This last little leg of the tour Will you read these? Fuck yeah. Hey, can I film it? Fuck yeah, let me explain something to you.

So what is the... What are you going to do after this? What are your plans after us? I think I'm going to do another record. Okay, yeah, yeah, that's what most people do Yeah, I didn't think of... We're gonna end of the year, four big shows West Coast

and hopefully you and Lee will come to the LA show You know what, let me look at December 3rd I don't know if I'm in Sacramento or the week after Who the fuck knows anymore? It changes every fucking two weeks If I do this, I'm gonna have to wear glasses, all right,

so don't get pissed off at me I don't care I can see it from here, you know me, I'm a fucking bad motherfucker. Are you ready? One, two. Are you ready? One, two.

Here you go. Wheeler Walker's Juniors... Wheeler Walker Jr.'s last shows of the year are the biggest shows ever. Do you understand me? It's old Wheeler Walker, the pussy king.

Doing his fucking thing on sale now, cock suckers. And if you show up, ladies, watch that monkey. He don't like dirty, stinky monkeys. He likes fucking flip-plunk. Anyway, sorry,

let's start from the top. We'll do it afterward. Don't worry. We'll do it afterward. And then we'll make it happen for you. We'll do it. I kind of like that. No, no, you don't like it.

I got to have glasses. Let me review it. Okay. And then I'll put a spin on it. I'm a professional. No, you don't like it. I fucking love it. You know, I'm fucking nuts, dog.

I don't fuck around. I love you to death. For the people at home, here it is playing it simple, all right? Here's my brother here. You've heard him on a bunch of podcasts. But most importantly, you've heard his fucking music. And you know, he ain't fucking around. This ain't some guy that goes up there like Jimmy

Falun does dirty song. I got nothing against Jimmy Fallon. God bless his mother and my condolences to him and his family. I'm just saying this is not a guy that goes up there and just plays a guitar and sells out to you with a couple dirty words. You heard his fucking story

and you heard what he's going on. But listen, it gets better. It gets better, cocksuckers. Because Wheeler Walker Jr.'s last shows of the year are his biggest shows ever. Do you understand me? It's all Wheeler, the Pussy King, On sale right now, today.

No more fucking stories, all right? You're going to go out with your family. You're going to go out. You're going to eat Thanksgiving. You're going to have a good time. You're going to eat the jelly. You're going to gain three pounds. And that's when the party starts.

You know why? Because Wheeler Walker being in fucking town that fucking following week. There's nothing like going to a concert after Thanksgiving when Grandma gives you a $100 savings bonds. That's $55 in the short end. It's in the case you got to get rid of it to go see my man, Wheeler Walker Jr., last shows of the year. Here it is nice and simple.

Ready? December 3rd. In Los Angeles at the motherfucking Novo. December 4th, Santa Barbara's birthday for the Cuban people. San Diego at the Observatory

in North Park. And here you go. December 5th, Santa Ana, Santa Ana, Waka, Waka, Waka, Santa Ana at the motherfucking Observatory,

a different one. So bring the fucking 3D glasses if you're 18 and You can look at the stars and play with yourself. And then December 6, you got Phoenix at the motherfucking Van Buren Dita. That's the Wheeler Walker Jr. fucking lineup. And if you don't go to those shows, listen, I might stab you in the fucking neck personally.

That's how I roll, cock suckers. Go see my brother. Listen, if you're a fucking girl and you listen to this and you want to get closer to your boyfriend, get him a fucking ticket for Wheeler Walker, what is he going to do with your money? You're sitting there at home. If your Lee's girlfriend, Lee wants to go, he wants to spend $700 on tickets. He wants a top-nuts fucking tickets telling me. You don't fucking want.

You want to park right in front of the joint and have a fucking course. He ain't walking inside. Only the best, especially for Will Walker. And while we're talking about it, why fuck around anymore, right? Let me talk to you people about something seriously on the open up because the holidays are coming. The New Year's are coming. And I know everybody wants to eat a little bit fucking healthier. We all want to eat better.

We all want to eat healthier. But when it comes to snacks, you know what I'm saying? You don't know. It feels like the whole world is delicious and it's all 10 million calories versus what? You want to eat an almond, whatever? Anyway, boring and tasteless. It doesn't have to be that way. Up your snack game with Nature Box.

Do you understand me? Nature Box has over 100 snacks that taste good and are actually better for you. All snacks are made from high quality, simple ingredients, which means no one. artificial colors, flavors, or sweetness, no guilt, no nothing, so you can feel good about what you're eating. My favorites, the chocolate nom-noms,

the preline pumpkin seeds, the raw almonds, the roasted salted almonds. Listen, the list goes on and on. They got some stuff that kills me. Do you understand me? And sometimes they order the same stuff, and sometimes I take a chance, like the

crispy coconut squares, or the double chocolate brownie cookies or the vanilla bean wafers. You have no idea. My wife and my daughter tear those motherfuckers up like somebody from a third world nation eating this little a turkey for the first time or whatever the fuck it is. The sea salt pop pops, the coffee kettle. Listen, the list goes on and on and on. All right. Do me a favor. You're sure to find your new snack obsession at Nature Box. They had new snacks every month inspired by real customer feedback like yours on the latest food trends and professional chefs. So it's simple.

Go to naturebox.com, choose the snacks you want, and NatureBox will deliver them. You ready for this one? Right to your door, all right? Nobody knows nothing. It's on the up and up. They'll be there within days, and there's no risk. If you try a snack you don't like, don't eat it.

NatureBox will replace it for free. Now, here's how it works. This is what I'm going to do for you tonight. The Nature Box is offering the church of what's happening now family. Right now, today. 50% off your first order when you go to naturebox.com slash Joey.

Again, that's naturebox.com slash Joey for 50% off your first order. That's half. Deliver it to your door. No games. Naturebox.com slash Joey. I want to thank my brother, Wheeler Walker Jr.,

for coming in here and dropping knowledge and my main little Christ killer. Well, I would never pimp out. This is just a... I've been watching too much on that prison show. You know what I'm saying? I'm sorry. I got away from me.

Thank you again for having This was my favorite show You're my fucking family This is this I love you guys And it was a pleasure Showing you those videos To let you know The mental statement

I just love the podcast Just watching it a lot It's just like watching your favorite show A lot It's like this is Skinner for me Well I appreciate that My brother Thank you again

Don't forget Next Tuesday The Comedy Store Links should be up 8 o'clock show Listen we need the fucking The paratroopers there I need a little bit

You understand me The motherfuckers way fucking around down there. Lee will be there. We got stars, we got explosives. It's going to be a fucking good night. Worst case scenario, Leo will take you to eat hummers,

but that's none of my business. I don't want to know about it. I love you, motherfuckers. I love Wheeler Walker. Again, supporters to us. Is there a website, guys? Yeah, weillowucker Jr.com. Bam! There you go.

Wheelerwalkerjutor.com. Stop fucking around. My brother Lee, kick that motherfucker meal. It's Tuesday morning, motherfuckers. Thank you for listening to the church.