The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #539 - Joey Alvarado

Episode Date: December 4, 2017

Joey Alvarado, a Jiu Jitsu coach who holds a Black belt under Roger Machado and is also the creator of the kettle-jitsu program, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.   This podcast is brought to you by:   FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order and stop using nasty toilet paper forever!   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.    

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Monday, December 4th. Santa Barbara Day in Cuba. If you're Cuban, Felicia Ali. Oh shit. my man Joey Araratle, the professor, the Christ killer, Lee Salliat, and your uncle motherfucking Joey. Francis skinny man died of a big disease with a little name.

By chance his girlfriend came across a needle, and soon she did the same. At home, there are 70-year-old boys, and their idea fun. It's beating a gang called the disciples high on crack. Toad the machine gun. Is this as good as it gets Professor. This is Prince.

Old school. Listen to this shit. How old school? Oh, my God. Old shit. And he's dropping knowledge like a motherfucker on this. Hurricane Annie rip the ceiling off a church and kill everyone inside.

You turn on a telly and every other story is telling you somebody died. I've never heard this on this one. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Was it before like Purple Rain? No way about nothing. Listen to the song. Here we go.

The thing, the thing. Here we go. It's June. You're going to add this to your little 6.30 a.m. workout now. Maybe they're in the mobility. Yeah, this is bad for the phone, right? Yeah.

You know, that's not familiar with that. To fly. Oh, shit. Man, truly die. Shit. Get it, Coco. Uh. That is a fucking.

Jam. Happy Monday, you bad motherfuckers. It's December. The rent is due. Christmas is due. New Year's is due. Your resolutions are fucking due. So start thinking about them.

My main fucking professor, Joey Alvarado here making a comeback. The king of Kedul Jitsu. If you don't know what the fuck Kedul Jitsu is, now you know, you know what I'm saying? And my main fucking Gumba Lee sciatical

the fucking savage of the Christ killer didn't someone get annoyed to do saying Christ killer how do you get a moniker like that Christ killer that's what the old school Italians are called Jews fucking Christ killers hysterical that's hilarious And if you hear somebody say it in Italian

It's fucking hilarious It sounds angry It sounds like when Hitler would say Zigo It sounds like What is like Whate? It doesn't know my thoughts. They say it real, like, Christo Kiela or something.

It sounds fucked up. Horrible? My daughter, Greece. I had to say it once for an audition for a boardwalk empire. I was playing Sal Mananzano, and that's when I had heard it before. Christ's kill. I was like, damn, that's a bit fucking statically to call fucking Jewish people. But in the 40s, 30s, and 50s, that's what they fucking called them.

You were on that boardwalk empire? No. They sent me an audition like two or three times. I watched a few episodes. That was pretty cool. That's a fucking great show. That's a crazy-ass fucking show. Was that Bouchemmy guy? Bouchami. It was, you know, right there around the time with the Sopranos, HBO was on fire. What's going on, Professor?

You know, same old, same old man, just hustling. Getting ready to a big tournament this month. Tired, sore. But, you know, I'm just always grinding around teaching. I teach. That's what I do. It's what I love. Fortunate to do it for a living. Yeah, but you do it like crazy times. It's not like you're rolling in there at 10 o'clock in the morning. Yeah, yeah. You know, but, like, when I start off, like, I wake up, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I wake up at 4 a.m.

And I do the 5.30 thing. But, like, right, I teach a 5.30 a.m. A 6.30m. And then I crash out on the couch for a little while. So I take little naps, you know. But, I mean, on average, I teach a little over 20 classes a week. So I really only work 20 hours a week because each class is an hour. But it's not that grueling, you know.

You get used to it. I'm used to that schedule. You know, they have a lot of. classes there. They do. They really fucking do. So 6.30, 12, 6.30, 7.30, 8.30. No, you're missing.

It goes, well, yeah, that's just like jujitsu and stuff like that. Yeah, that's just jujitsu. But still, that's five classes a day, four days a week. And you skip my 10 a.m. too. So like. The 10 a.m. No. Yeah, money went Friday. 6.30.

So what was that at? And then we still got on Friday, we got another class there at 630. because there's no two classes. And then you got one on Saturday and two on Sunday, really, right? Well, for Jiu-Jitsu, yeah. The Masters, right? The Masters. Well, the Masters training is kind of like, that's off the record right there.

It's not, you know, that's just for like the master. A bunch of old guys. Yeah, the cats that don't want to like, I don't know, they just want to train with each other, you know, like a safer environment. Yeah, you've got to be a certain age. So if you're not a certain age, man, and you sneak in there, they'll kick you out.

I heard they're really serious about it. They are. They are. You know, I mean, because like, I mean, I'm 46 years old, man. And, I mean, I roll with all the young cats and stuff like that. But, man, you know, I can see how it takes its toll on people's body, man. You know, like some of the older cats just, they can't do it. Man, everybody's built up differently.

You know, I got the blood of a fighter in me. So maybe that's why I'm able to hang with these young cats. But sometimes, man, like these young cats roll with these older guys and they're just young and spazzy, spazzy too, you know, and catch, I mean, catch elbow and stuff like, and they don't want to roll like that all the time, you know what I mean?

And some people just don't have control. And in the master's class, they want to keep it fun and safe. And, you know, just kind of like, nothing too crazy. What times is this start? I think it starts, I think it's like an eight o'clock on Sundays.

And you know, eight or nine? As one of those, like, no fucking around classes could bring you at seven in the morning. Does he really? I didn't know that. heard that it's like fucking old dudes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's cool, man. You know, like, you know, it's cool when you can cater to, like, groups like that, you know, because, like, over here, I was just talking to a guy. Not a lot of gyms have a good female program. And we have a really good female program where we're at Legacy, you know. And then they have, like, a 9 a.m. on Saturdays they have just an all-female class with just all girls, you know? And that's good to have that, man, because, you know, like, these girls are. I mean, most of them have to roll with guys all the time. And it's fucking hard, man.

It's hard for a little bit. I have this little girl for a little girl, man. Remember the Mexican girl? That was my all-time favorite. A Mexican girl. That went to work at Salson Chips. Oh, oh. She signed up again.

Blankita. Blankita. I had money that Blanquita could kill a motherfucker on the street. She was like, she was so, so, she's like, I think she was like four. Yeah. Heart of gold. Sweetheart, yeah, for sure. But immigrant mentality.

You know, she worked hard. She's strong as fuck. She's strong as fucked. And sometimes you're all with a woman, and they take you for a loop and you're like, damn, I got to put some elbow into this bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. At first, I was fucking around.

She got that crazy strength. Yeah, that some women are just, and you get impressed with it. You're like, okay. Yeah, for sure, man. She's a scrappy little girl, man. You know, like, sometimes those little people are, though. You know what I mean?

You get little people, they get that Napoleon complex. So they're always being picked on and stuff like that. So they're like naturally like scrappy, man. You know what I mean? We have a few little scrappy people who are at our gym that are that. Benny. Little Benny. Yeah, that's better.

He's definitely a little Benny Blanco from the Bronx. Benny Blanco from the Bronx is the sweetest kid in the world. You ain't going to catch him. Because he just keeps moving. You're chasing him. He's an angel. You can start by the window next thing you know by the side. And I'm trying to grab the back of his pants and he's pushing away from me.

I'm not. He's like, you're not getting on top of me, Uncle Joey. I don't give a fuck what it takes And every time I'm there Always go roll and then come get me Because he actually wants to get away from me He knows after a minute I tell him Blank on enough

I can't I'm chasing But that's his fucking strategy That's his game That's his game And he'll try to arm bar me And he'll push away Fuck you He'll cartwheel right over you

And he'll fuck oh yeah yeah yeah He car wheels Oh no he does everything Yeah he's like a little They weigh one fucking 40 these guys They're not going to let you. They got my knee. He's kicking at my hips.

And I don't get mad at him because if that happens, Sam, on the street. And he's my teammate. He's my brother. I want him to be prepared. And, you know, when you look at me and you see, think, oh, this guy's going to get on top of me. When I see those guys, I applaud him even. Meanwhile, as soon as I land in the side control, I always go up a little bit and I ask them, how are we doing down there and breathe. That's good, man.

because you have a fucking crazy side mountain. So then, sometimes they just sweep me these motherfuckers. And I'm like, how the fuck are they sweep? You? All the time. All the time. That's my name. Sweep, aka choke.

That's my street name. Bro, I could, and they play me. Now they learn how to, Marco. I can't get on Marco. I can't stay on Marco for more than Marco play me. Marco plays me perfectly. And he'll work a lot, Marco, hard but that's what's got mark on so hard because if he knows in his mind that if he could get me off him after a minute and i lay in his stomach i fuck with him a little bit i make believe i'm going to come more i ain't doing nothing i'm just laying on his stomach so he can't breathe you're giving his your strategy out right now i don't know what's right i got one strategy fat that's it i remember a professor came up to him one time he goes i don't know if i ever told you this he goes when i was in brazil there was his dude you know and he had a lot

belly and he submitted everybody by passing their garden and getting them north-south I go yeah but my hand doesn't go under to get that my wrist he goes what wrist just put your stomach on their face because yeah yeah yeah yeah there's a Brazilian

dude you know what are you told him I did you know Lavel? Yes Levelle okay I haven't seen him in so long no he moved to Texas okay well anyway like at one point he was really big yeah he got the surgery I'd have seen him after that. But anyway, he was fucking funny as shit, dude. Like, he was my student, man.

And he was in the same predicament as you. But, like, he's bigger than you. He's so much bigger than you. But he learned, he developed his own submission, dude. It was called the titty tap. So he would fucking get the side mount, and he'd fucking put his titty on top of him and smother him. And they'd fucking get suffocated and tap out, man. And then I was like, LaBelle was that.

He goes, oh, that. That's a titty tap. And I just fucking fell out, man. There's a Filipino kid from Jersey who I love it that school with all my heart. His name is Ben. Benny. Benny. You're talking about a little Benny and then there's Big Ben.

Yeah, yeah. There's Big Ben. Yeah, yeah. It's Big Ben. Benny, yeah. Benny Hanna. I love Big Ben, and Big Benny came up to him one day. And Big Benny went to Brazil and fucked a bunch of people up with the Philippines and came back.

Philippines. And he came back. In the Philippines. He's always in class and he works hard. And he's like, dog, I don't have a lot. You wouldn't know it sounds. He goes, that's the only time I ever panic that day. He goes, I'm telling you, man, you know, like...

When you had me in North-South and your chest was on me, Joey, I really started to panic. I almost tapped. Yeah. And I was totally fucking thinking the same thing whenever you had me in side-mouth the other day. And I was like, if I didn't know how to position my hands and breathe properly, somebody would just be freaking out under this guy, man. Because he... You know how to distribute your weight really well when you're in side-mout. Because I'm tired.

Yeah, yeah, you're not trying to give anything up to. No, no, no, no, no. It's a thinking man's game. I'm waiting for you. And what experience, everybody, you know, everybody's more experience on I am. So they've already experienced the weight it out, wait until Joey throws his leg over, goes to neon belly. We'll get them.

Sometimes I fake a neon belly and go the other way. And that adds an extra weight. What I stopped doing that you taught me in the beginning that I stopped, I abandoned, it was the mount the mount if i love mountain and i like to see him buck three or four times i'm not even submission them i just let them burn it on their own oh you just stay back then i move my knees up and i get them with a choke that's and then i stop doing it i just stop one day i don't like mounting you know it's so it's so weird but the thing that i've enjoyed the most about jujitsu is it teaches you who the fuck you are oh for sure man in the simplest way it's a mirror

with an x-ray machine that really teaches you every fucking one of your insecurities, your weaknesses, and then you have to figure out how to overcome all that shit. That's why all those small guys, Baca,

there's a little Italian little New York-looking brown belt that comes in during the week. Stocky dude, all those dudes, they fuck, yeah, I don't give a fuck up their 5'4. Once my head goes over a certain angle, I know I'm going night night. Yeah.

I know they're sending me for a loop. I know it. Their experience always has me. Sure, sure, sure. Very interesting, what I've learned the last couple of years. But I also learned that at my age, I have to be doing some type of weight work every week. I could roll twice a week. That's great for me.

Yeah, for sure. And that's why I've always looked at your programs. I mix them. I got a couple of those little Alberto bats, and I've loosened up with that, and I'll do cleans. And last week I told Lee, last Sunday was the first time because I miss them. Listen, playing football if you can't tackle sucks dick.

All right? The reason why you play football is a tackle motherfuckers. It's chase somebody down and tackle them and get them down or block the thing. Doing a kettlebell workout and not doing swings sucks dick. Yeah, I mean, like the thing is, I mean, I mean, you can mix it up if you know your... Now I know how to mix it up. I know that after I do swings, I can't sit down to write comic.

That was the other thing. You cannot... What happened? You tell me you're too wound up? It tightens your back too much. Oh. Yeah. And then when you're on the computer, you're basically...

It's unnormal because your head's down. So in a way, your neck cranking yourself. I didn't know this till this last time I hurt my back. Because, you know, when you write, the thing about writing is just like jujitsu. That's why I compare both arts. I like these people who I write one hour a day. That's good, Professor Joey, but it's not going to work because you don't find your jiu-jitsu the same way

like you don't find your writing. You're frustrated to this two-and-a-half hour. It's like if I come over to your house, I keep passing your guard and keep laying on top of you. Okay, you know when you're going to figure out? At the two-and-a-half hour mark, you're going to learn, oh, wait a half an hour mark. Oh, wait a second.

Look at this. And then you're going to go, let's do this again. And now you're going to get me from the other side. Writing is the same way. You'll sit there with a pen doing this shit. So I stopped doing that now. Now I actually take a story and go, yesterday, Professor Joey taught me how to do the Oma Plata.

I kicked my legs out. And while I'm writing that, I'll go, homopatra. That's a funny word. So you follow me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it don't happen in an hour. That's why when people go to me, oh, I write an hour a day. That's not enough when you want to be serious.

No, no, no, no. That's not enough when you want to work on your game. So the game gets delivered at the end of, and there's days, Professor, where you're going to do the ten o'clock class, the 11 o'clock, you're going to do the 10 o'clock, no-gee, 11 o'clock drill, and 12 o'clock Alberto class, and you're still not going to get it. But there's going to be days that you're going to get it by, and that's the same thing with writing. Yeah. So sometimes I may be sitting there.

that da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da and also at the two and a half mark and next thing you know i've been sitting there i left alberto's at 1.30 i went home at a protein shake and i've been sitting there it's fucking 645 professor when you will go to get up you have no idea what your body feels like at 45 yeah yeah yeah yeah if you do 10 sets of swings and 10 minutes and three sets of cleans and three sets of goblets. And then I would do three sets of one-arm swings. I can't sit down after that. You have to be.

And then I do... Your endorphins are all kicking in. I do the stretch also. You've got to do the warm down. Cool down. The cool down. I do everything. The thighs.

And now what I've been doing that works. Oh, my God. Professor, you ready? I'm going to drop the bomb on you because I know I saw you fucking with it. Somebody's fucking with it at Alberta. those. They had the bomb that I have.

The bomb? The CBD bomb. No, no, no, no, no. You go in the shower. You put the shower on real hot. You take the deodorizer soap and you wash down. And then you take the lufor and you do the regular soap so you smell normally. You don't smell like you.

You got the hiv. You know what I'm saying? And then you fucking put shampoo in your head. Then you come out. And before you dry yourself down, you go to the wheat store. And you buy the DV. CBD oil and you rub it on your fucking legs like cream, professor. The next morning you wake up.

Is that all you rub it on? The professor, you can't rub it on your dick. It has that little bengue effect. You don't want to get your dick high either, right? Let me tell you some, dog. Once you start getting up there in age, you need everything you can to go to the gym the next day. Yeah, man, I love that CBD shit. That CBD shit lately?

I get this. You got to try the stuff that I use, man. Not the Roland. I saw the Roland. The Roland, I love it, man. The Roland is the shit. I've used. I went through it.

I went through it. Which one are you using? The one you're using. The elixir? I may believe, like I didn't see it. Did you leave that for me? Somebody, it was there. Somebody left it for me.

And I was like, oh my God. I got it at the comedy store. I got it from Gino at Speedweed. That's who you, that's who's got it. Oh, okay. Speedweed. If you want that stuff. Elix secure.

Please sponsor me. Alexicure. Guys. It's a roll on. I love it. You go home and you take a shower. I would put it on my knee before the ice. And then I would put the ice on my knee and then take it off.

You know what I do, man? And for my knees too, like, it's crazy because I roll it on before training and I'll put my knee brace over it. So now like that knee brace has that shit in it. So now I'll put knee brace on without it. And then I take it off and it's all cool again. I love that shit, man. So it really cools your spazzy. muscles down like man I'm always like rubbing

on my name well I get in okay when I walk in the door from just I'm home my bag I put it on the counter I take the gear out the fucking rash card I throw in the laundry and the laundry just happens to be there's a door and I open up the other door I take a nice

back and I put it on my back and I take that and I get a big glass of whatever water I have left I take two tire in walks I drink them then I go right to my computer I return the emails but I also write the technique of the day that You taught me and how I did if I rolled and who how long I last I just write that. So I know exactly.

You take a little journal? Yeah. So you have 20 minutes with that ice on your back. You follow me? That ice is on my back. Man, you know like people don't use ice enough. No. People don't realize.

I learned that from a boxer, knack of folly goes, you don't ice your knees at night? And I go, why would I? I'm just a fat fuck. He goes even more. Yeah, man. Even more. He goes, ice your knees twice three times a week where you was in Twain. For sure.

20 minutes seats you have sore muscle or like oh yeah at least should I do preventative because I'm yeah what I don't have anything Why not? Why not and then you take the fucking ice pack When it starts to cool down and your legs are elevated and you scrub them down your fucking front of your legs like a savage You rub them down This is like a ritual for you It sounds like the big little bit of seen in the accountant You have like a lufo Let me ask you a question

Before you dry Let me ask you a question and you're a healthy guy Yeah pretty healthy I think what does the day? What does the day of Joey Alvarado consist of when he wakes up before. Depends on the day. I've always told people this. What does it take to be Joey Alvarado? To wake up at four to get and do kettlebell.

And you're not just there with a whistle acting like fucking Larry Bird. You're actually doing the technique with them. Oh yeah, I train with myself. And then by the time you go into fucking whatever goodbye and hugs, you put that La Bamba music on, that fucking Spanish music. Ricky Mara. And then you put a ghee on and then you start doing tumbles. You're a 46-year-old man.

Now it's two hours already in. You take that nap, whatever. I know you drink a lot of water. I know you're taking supplements. You know, maybe, maybe not. I know you may be taking a protein shape. Cogane is a hell of a drug. Cocaine is a hell of a fucking drug.

Now, you know what, man, man, just because I do what I love for a living. So, like, the kettlebell stuff is, I love that people, actually show up to a 5.30 a.m. classroom. It's fucking crazy. Like to do something that I had developed. I would have a heart attack. You know that.

But yeah, nah, you wouldn't, man. I always tell people just to go at your own pace, man. You know, I know who to push in the classes. Like if you were in it or Lee or somebody was to show up

and they never did my workout, then I'm not going to like make you do every little bit. I'm like, dude, take a break. Use a lighter weight. You know, practice technique more than anything.

Because, I mean, your average person can't go through an hour class like me. I mean, people do that all the time. Your class is an hour? It's an hour. Oh my God, that's a long kettlebell.

But no, that's the thing. That's a misconception. It's not just kettlebell. Okay. It's body weight and kettlebell. So we start, look, he's already doing mobility. Right there. We start off with mobility right there.

Then we do a core warm up. We do an ab workout. Then we do a body weight workout. And then we get into the kettlebell stuff, you know. I just posted a video on Instagram and kind of like takes you through the protocols of one of my workouts. It's not an hour. An hour of straight kettlebell would just be freaking crazy. Oh, my God.

I would probably die. your Instagram handle? Just kettle jitsu. Just look up kettle jitsu. Yeah, I looked at all your videos because, like I said, I don't want to be Joe Atlas, but I want to be a little strong.

You want to keep your muscles strong at this age. You want to prevent osteosperosis. Yeah, for sure. You got to keep moving, man. When you stop moving, that's when your body starts seizing up on you. You know, kettle bells are the biggest fat burner besides swimming,

which I have to put a, you don't have to do a surgery. For one day, I have to put a tube in my ear Because after Jiu-Jitsu, that fluid stays in my ear, and I go deaf. And I can't fucking. It's bad enough. Like, I don't tell people this shit.

I don't know what you're saying sometimes. That's why I got, do you ever see me looking at you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you owe me $20? And you're like, why is Joey looking at me like that? Because I've got to read your lips and listen. Plus, you're blowing my mind. You're blowing my mind.

I never. This is the funniest, like, if I teach it, it could be like the littlest thing. And then his eyes light up like a little kid. And he just, he reminds me like a little kid here. I love it because I fucking love it. So I have to pay that much attention to when people have music on, like when I used to kickbox, it was the perfect size gym to make me, to give me anxiety from the music.

It was just, it was 10 feet away from Alberto's with that same length. If you put music on too loud with you talking, I get, my head doesn't process. I got outside and get there. It's too much. It's too much. Alberto's, it's perfect. I have to really look at you.

Like, when I'm looking at you during the class, it's because, dog, I'm really paying attention to you. Like, I'm looking at your lips. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a very tent of students. I can't hear. I can't hear. So I have to pay.

So you have to focus even more. That's crazy. You read lips? Yeah, why I came from? You got to read it. At least part-time lips. Oh, my God. I was a part-time every.

Like, I told me a day for you. years. I didn't know lip reader was an occupation. When I was a kid, I found out, I found out by mistake that a true relative of mine was a tremendous pickpocket. That was another one of your professions, too, pickpucketing, right? Oh, my God. When I was a young, young kid at the age of like six, I heard rumors about a relative of mine

that was just superb, superb enough that a bee cup could be standing on the corner. and that is the highest honor of a pickpock is to take the badge off a cop highest honor so that's the equivalent of like getting being a black belt stripes and yeah like if you to be a black belt pick pocket

is to go up to a cop and take the badge off and then go back up to him 10 minutes lane and put it back on nah come on man that's how smooth dog like movie shit listen to me there's a movie call about pickpockets

that you'll never even find it was a movie they made one well they made focus with whatever the fuck it is Will Smith with the hot chick That was great That was about pickpocketing? Pickpocketing scams

You know when there's an event In the city What really happens Okay When an event goes down in Houston Like you think it's a Super Bowl But every scammer in the country Is headed down there

Every hooker Yeah Yeah because that's where the money's at You gotta be So this Harry in your pocket It could be James Colburn And it's an old movie See what year it is

Harry in your pocket. Harry in your pocket. And it's about these dudes. That's it. They work airports. That's when you're going to have money on you. So that movie came out and me hearing all this shit about pickpocketing. So I asked one of my relatives.

73. I asked one of my, who's in the movie? Let's see here. I asked one of my relatives from Cuba. How do you become a pickpocket? He goes, that whole side of the family. I feel like this is your movie, by the way. That whole, who's in the movie?

James Coburn. I told you. Michael. Sarison, yeah. Trish Van Devere? Yeah, you don't even, Trish, you don't even... Walter Pigeon? Yeah, these movies, they don't even make movies like this no more.

James Coburn, I know who that is. So I asked around that side of the family. And they said that, oh, my God, they were... They had houses set up with dummies, with clothes on, and wallets, but they had bells. And that's how you trained to become a pickpocket. What? They got, like, a pickpocket training center. my family.

It's like a pickpocket dojo. Training like a pickpocket dojo. Have you seen the videos from the Olympics in Brazil with the pickpockets? I could just imagine. It was, it was. It's brilliant. It's a brilliant art. There were these kids just following them and they knew they were doing.

That's why I hate touristy areas. That's why I hate tourists and that's why. No, I don't hate tourists. I feel bad for tourists who make it obvious that they're tourists. Right. Because there are people that pray out. Like when I lived in San Francisco in 85, I prayed on tourists. I would sit there reading the Los Angeles, the San Francisco Times,

with a suit on, with $200 pair of shoes on, and when Joey Arirado would check in, hi, Joey Alarado, would you like to use American Express, no cash? I know I got a pigeon. Room 312. In those days, that's why they write it down now to you and give it to you. Oh, my God. Because there'd be guys like me in the hallway reading her lips,

go to room 312. And I'd just sit there, and what's the first thing you do when you get to a city? You drop your shit off and you go out. And I would shoot right to your room, kick the door down, and take whatever I had to take. That's how you make a living in those days. Wow. Or I'd have the key to the room.

In those days, I would rent a room in the hotel, and there was no cameras in the 80s. So I would rent a room in the hotel. Wake up in the morning and follow the maid. And wait until she lose. A lot of maids in those days would leave the keys in the door. They're in their fucking talking to the other maid in the Spanish. I take the master key.

Sometimes I make a copy and put it back and throw it in the hallway. But I don't have a master key. Oh, my God. Damn, man. No, no, no. And how long would it take for them to change the key? Two or three days. Oh, my God.

You had a... Yeah, by that time I had half the building done. Man, that's crazy. Crazy shit. No, this is how I lived. This is who I was. I can't change it. Gangster.

Do you ever wish that you weren't on, like, addicted to cocaine? Because you could be, like, living in, like, the Virgin Island or something on, like a, like a secret island now. If you had all the stuff that you... At that time, it wasn't even the addiction of cocaine. At that time, it was just a high. That was a high for me. Right. To go out in the...

daytime with $2 in your pocket and come home with $800. Yeah, you get a $50. I mean, that's an adrenaline. Yeah, but then where did the money go? I go to fucking Morton's. Oh, my God. If tonight, if, let me put you this way, I was the type of dude that today, if I woke up this morning with seven bucks and I went to, uh, what's poppy

in the, all right, Christmas, this is, this is, this is my time of the year. This is the day after Thanksgiving. You have to get paid. Yeah, I'm getting paid because all I got to do now is walk into Target or a big store. Go look for a blanket, a biggest-sized blanket. You can't do this today. Take it, go up to the counter and go, hi. My mother got me this yesterday, but I already got it.

You have the receipt? No, she lost. What am I going to do with this lady? You want cash? Yeah. So all of a sudden, boom, $264. No, women are really good at that shit. So I got $264.

Oh, my God, yeah, getting money. Oh, yeah. But not anymore because they got a computer, they got to put your license in. So once they started, like, K-Mars, once they started putting my license in there, I was trying to hit them nationwide. Anytime I was broke doing comedy,

I just walking through a Kmart. They're going bankrupt now. Pick up a fucking, pick up a thing of, mats for your car. That'd be $40. Remember, I was just trying to get rich. I just wanted a subway sandwich with your soda

and a $20,000 a bag of wheat. That's it. Remember, in the beginning of you're trying to start your day off. Once you get your day started, now we can negotiate a little bit. I got 100. What do you need? I need an 8 ball. Listen, give me a hundred, and I'll cut you in partners.

Boom. I throw a gram a cut on it. Now we got a half a gram of Coke, plus we got 100 dollars of cash, and we just bumped into the lead. He wants to buy an ounce of weed. We'll sell them three quarters of an ounce, and we'll spray, we'll get a spray bottle, and we'll spray water into the wheat. to make it heavy so when he gets it's four ounces then he takes it home the next morning

it's three and a half you're like you're like like like it was all day did did you guys ever do you did that you made the weed wet to make it you make it you make it wet yeah like you're like you're making more yeah that is crazy you you you you you spray the weed in the big bag shake it up and then put it into a different bag and when you went to weigh it you're The weight is every. I'm some gas for shit, Joey. Dog, this is, when you're 24-7 and you're hustling. You do it like a little guide on how to be a thug.

But you can't do this no more because they got scales, they got cameras, they got so many things. You know, that's how you, so all right, so let's pretend like one day. In 1993, I was just getting into comedy, I was into it. But I wasn't getting a job, Professor. I was not going to get a job. So what I decided to do, what was the hottest thing in 1993? Coffee machines. Okay.

Everybody wanted a coffee machine. Now, if it had an espresso machine, ooh, I don't know me. But if it had an espresso cappuccino machine. And they have like one that espresso bar that has a dollar. They were $400. For a coffee machine. For a coffee. And then the cheaper one after that was $2.49.

So I always had a backup. So I would get a nice shirt on, shave, and I would pick it up, bring it to the counter. My mother got me this for Christmas. I already got an express machine. I don't even drink coffee. How would you like your money by cash or a check? I'll take cash. You know, you make believe like you don't want it, and then they give you.

And then you go, I go, okay, let's say I live in L.A., so I would North Hollywood, the one, and then I'd take a ride to Culver City. And to go to the same store in Culver City and do it all over again. Now I got 900 bucks. Damn. What do you think I'm going to do? So it's 4 o'clock I got 900 bucks. Do I keep stealing?

No, I made my nut for the day. 900? I'm good. So what do I do on the way home? I stop at the weed store. I drop a yardstick. I go by the Coke dealer's house. I drop a yardstick on him. I go home.

I give mama a deuce. Because God forbid she don't get a taste of the action. She doesn't even ask you how you made the money. money and then you celebrate. What do you want to do? You want to hold on to it? What are you going to hold on to it? Fuck yeah.

I'm going to hold on. I'm going to put it in the bank. No. You make reservation at rails and you walk in there like you own the joint. I'm going to meetball. Give them a 20, give them a 20. Even though you've got $10 in your pocket. And guess what you do?

The next morning you wake up, Lee, and you do it all over again. You have no idea what it takes. When I was in Vegas this last week, there were people doing three-card money next to the Bellagio. And they had the head. They had a, like, a, like, a girl who looked like she was smoking crack at the time as, like, the plant to keep winning. And I saw people lose hundreds. Hundreds. Because the starting bid was 100.

Mm. It was crazy. It was a call on and take for the cops to get there. They had, they had, they had, like, six TV trays. I've been, like, where the fountain was. They had, like, six TV trays. They had people on each one, and they had guys up and down the ship looking, and every once in every few minutes, they take it off and be like, like, No, we'll be right back.

We'll be right back. And they were there. I stood there for like 10 minutes. So the hustle is basically this. The hustle is, you know what three card mantis? No, I'm not. It was a ball under a cap. A ball under a cap.

It could be that. It could be the, you know. A ball under a cap. You know, the bean, they could be, go look at it. The one I grew up around was a deck of cards. So you take three cards, three aces of spades. And you fold them and I go, pick them. a red one. So I take two black cards

and a red one. I show it to you, Joey Alvarado. I put the fucking thing down and all of a sudden you're like, nah, I don't want to bet. Leo come up and go 20 on the red. Lee's a winner. $20. Let's do it. Yeah. Leo come in again.

Leo come in again. No, Lee works are from... Right, yeah, no, no. Leo, but you're a tourist. You're just coming in from Belgium. Yeah, yeah. Three Mexicans. There's a couple Irish dudes. Yeah. We're having a good time here. Look at the red. Look at the red. Boom. He knows where it is again. He doubles his money now. Now he doubles it again. In fact, I even curse him. Get the fuck out of

you, fat Jew, motherfucker. You're trying to fuck my shit up. Fuck you. Fucking price killer. And all of a sudden, it's like magic. Once he don't pick, you'll pick. And then I get you for 20. Then this guy, I'll start picking. And all of a sudden, the Jedi Mind trick. I swear. And they do something when the, when the, when the, when the tourist is doing it because I know where it is I look at it. Yes, Professor within six minutes, I got you for eight and $900 and all of a sudden, you, who works for me also go, police. Even if the cops ain't coming, you just broke up the action and the energy.

That tourist, who was going to go to Disneyland with his kids, just got taken for $800. I got taken for $100. I'll admit it. I wanted to try it. I wanted to try it because I knew where it was, and they did something. And when I assume they took my hundred bucks, I was like, fuck you, man. They're brilliant. And they're brilliant.

They were like, stay, I'm going to give you a chance to get your money back, man. And I'm like, fuck, no, I'm going. They're brilliant. They're brilliant. It's a scam that's been in New York for thousands of years. And then they would come, and it's all played on a cardboard box. So you ever see cat food, whatever. They kept the thing.

And that cardboard box, they play it on there, three cards. Let's go, G. And it's every 20 minutes, they sack up anywhere from $8 to $1,100. and they break it up. And 20 minutes later they pop from somewhere else. And 20 minutes later, but all in the same area. And they keep getting tourists. And it's all day.

And then they go, you know, it's living that life is a heart of this people who do it and die in jail. You know, because somewhere along the line, you're going to get caught. Eventually, man, you're going to get popped. And, you know, that was my deterrent always, that these guys, even mob guys, all these guys, All these guys do crimes all their life. They have a great time to get their dick sucked. But then you go to jail when you're 55. Which I don't think that that's successful.

No. By no means. Going to jail at 55, your golden years. This is your years where you're fucking supposed to be getting checks in the mail and going to get a haircut and going to the park and going to the track. Training jiu-jitsu. You're an old guy like Savage. Whatever.

I can't remember. Imagine going to jail in your 55. That would suck. 60, 70, dying a fucking jail. Fuck you. All those years for nothing. Yep. Good thing you gave it up, Joey.

I'm glad you did, man. I had no choice, Professor. I had no choice because I knew... Well, if the comedy wouldn't have worked, I knew I would go back to drug deal and the gamble or book it. I always knew that. I used to say, if this doesn't work... If something happens and I have to leave L.A., why even do this?

I'll just go back to New York, move into a cave, and sell Coke somewhere until they shoot me. I die. What a fucking attitude. But who gives a fuck. Well, you've got to have something to fall back on them, right? I spoke to a friend of mine today. I spoke to a friend of mine this morning. Early, he called me.

I went outside to smoke pot, like about 6.30 in the morning. I had some coffee. And when I came and he had missed calls. me and he called me and I called him back his name was Carlos and I grew up with his younger brother Deity when my mother died I hung out tight with them tight tight and they took care of me you know those people just they didn't have much but they gave you what they had absolutely Carlos was the oldest and Deity was two years younger than me bit slapping motherfuckers he used to call him man child

man child because by the time he had beat up Charlie he beat up Charlie gives Gizie's brother in such a bad way at that time. He was 14 and Charlie Gizzy's brother was 19. But he threw such a beating on him that ended with him taking him. And I don't know if you remember 1980. Car bumpers were not five mile an hour bumpers. Bumpers were made a fucking steel jack. And how that fight ended was Didi grabbing Gizzy by the hair

and hitting him against the car bumper. That's unheard of. Right away, people got aware of him. and I slatched them up early because that's security there. That dude, he became my brother. He became my brother. And then Carlos was his older brother. Good looking guy.

And me and Dede used to get Kualooch. Like in high school, we were kids, and we'd buy a Kuala piece for four bucks, and we'd split a bottle of vodka. And we'd sit in his room, his brother's room, till 233 in the morning, fucked up on the vodka and the Kualoo. Oh, my God. listening to Led Zeppelin 3 right and then

his brother would come home and his brother would go what the fuck are you guys doing and we're like listen can we get a line of coke from me he would go I'll give you one line but then you got to leave and he would give us one little tiny line of Coke and that was it that was our night so I grew up with them I loved them but he called me

and asked me he goes do you remember a night where you with my brother and something happened and I go Jesus Christ I can't believe you're telling me this story. I was just telling my wife at dinner because his brother was tough. Carlos was tough.

And the people young out were tough. And one night, me, Deity, and some other dude over the park, minding their own business. You know, you're just minding your own business with a fucking case of beer and you're smoking pot. And there was a fence,

like the one we have here. And something happened that a girl we grew up with and Deedy got into a conversation. but what we didn't know that up the fucking corner the 16 year old girl the 17 year girl had like a 20 year old boyfriend we had no fucking idea what was going on so the boyfriend comes down

it's like Friday maybe 11 o'clock I got a couple beers in me a couple lines of coke the other guy's a little tuned up I know Dee Dee's tuned up now what's the dead of the winter Cups didn't care? There was no cops then and none so Dee Dee had gone out with I don't know if you even remember this code. You're ever be old to remember this.

In the 80s, they used to make football shirts, Lee, that were covered up to here was cotton and all around your shoulder, but under here was netting. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, remember? Dog, it was 40 degrees. He went out with the netting. No T-shirt. That's how crazy Didi was.

So if I was 17, Dini was 15. My mother had already died, and something happens that fucking, I'll never forget this. Didi and the girl what kind of, he was good looking bro. He could have stole it. The boyfriend came, started talking to Deity, the boyfriend's buddies came, we all went up and they threw a beating on us. But they threw a beating on Deedy.

The guy punched Deed in the face twice. And Didi goes to the guy, he goes, I'm coming back. You guys are fucking, his name was Monaghan. He goes, we're coming back, motherfucker. And we walked up the hill, pissed off, his shirt was ripped, and now it's 40 degrees. I'm bleeding from my fucking nose, we get to the top of the fucking corner and we see his brother in a car with three gorillas who were just eating like eight quailas. In those days, there were these

brothers called the Lopez brothers, and their mother was dying of cancer. And their mother would get pills in the first of the month. F-16, they don't even make them no more. See if they make them anymore. Tuminaul's. T-U-M-I-N-U-L-S. Tum-N-U-L-S.

And they were Can you use it in a sentence? So what do you want to? Tumannals. Do they still make them? I say two and all. Tum and all. No, I searched for that.

Yeah, they don't even make them no more. They had the number on them was F-16. You know what I'm saying? If you got a pill on it with F-16, a little capsule, they were three steps worse than Kualoos. They were on those things. Wow. And they pulled over, and they were like,

what happened? And we go, we just got into a fight. these dudes beat us up he goes who beat you up and we go they're down there right now and they go run behind us bro these four guys got out of the car and they threw a beat on those dudes

but the dude who had beat a beating got in away that was the big thing we chased him down and flage that out for a little so like a week later I forgot out about this story I heard it like from Carlos Monaghan the kid who had hit

caught Didi was tough Like this was no fucking joke This was going to become bad because Carl was even said he goes I thought he could take me But he was my little brother I just couldn't let him hit my little brother So I had to confront him

So he was the dude the first dude I ever Did heroin with I was about 16 his name was Gunther Brown If you ask me again I'm not getting down His name was Gunther Brown He was older he looked at the guitar player from Black Sabbath

Tony Iommi. And he talked about that? Yeah, he started. Good, good, good. Good gun to. But his family came... He'll make a good movie, by the way, Joey. Bro, he came from a...

He came from a fucking money family. And he loved like Tony Iommi. He looked like Tony Iommi. And he loved the Beatles. So he had everything. Listen, Professor, you know in the 70s. Everything was... Everything was copacetic

until they shot John Lennon. Then those pussies went away. I love Beatle fans, but you were annoying. For years, you compared everything to the fucking Beatles. Then when John Lennon got shot, they went away like fucking herpes. They just went away. That's it. You see the Beatle fans talking shit.

That was the end of Beatlemania. Yeah, that was the end of Beatlemania. But in 1981, that motherfucker Gunter Brown, you think of anything Beatle professor, he had it. Lunchbox, Beetle Fork, a beetle bib. His house was alarmed to the guy. Gales, there was no thief. He knew where he lived, dog. This guy knew I live close by.

He knew he had lights in the living room. He had fucking fences. There was no way you could steal none of his fucking beetle memorabilia. Anyway, that's nothing to do with it. Did he try? No, no, no, no, no. So what happened with Gaggagunter? So Gugunter and Carlos saw him out of hand with a basketball.

And Didi was in the car. And they pulled over and they had two choices. because Carlos said, you got two choices, Didi. Either I could go fire them or you can go fight. And Deity goes, whatever you want to do, Carlos goes, fuck, let me go fire them. So they got out of the car, Gunter and Carlos and Deity. And Carlos went up to him. He goes, Monaghan, what the fuck happened last night?

My brother's fucking 15. Why would you do him? You're a fucking man. You're 20. What the fuck is your problem? He goes, so now we have a problem. So now you and me got a fight. And he goes, as I was uttering those words to him, he goes, coax, I was petrified.

But he goes, I just had to say it to him. And the guy put the basketball down. He goes, whoa, whoa. He goes, I don't know what your brother told you, but hold on one second. Because that's how fucked up we were on the pills. He took off his shirt, the kid. And I'll never forget that this side was just purple. It was just purple.

And he goes, I don't know what your brother told you, but, yeah, I busted you. your lip, but I can't even raise my right arm today. He goes, you fucked me up yesterday. And Carlos goes, Didi, what do you want to do? Do you want to fight him? Or do you want me to fight him? One last shot. And the guy's like, wherever I fight, you're going to both beat me up because I can't move

my fucking body. I didn't remember that. So I don't understand. Didi actually beat his ass, but he thought he was so fucked up. He thought he got beat up. I thought I got beat up too. The next morning I woke up. I was fine.

It was like a time zone fucking episode. You guys did some fucking crazy-ass party about that. I thought I partied a little bit, but you made me see an amateur. I used to go to the mall and watch movies. I'm partying. Jesus Christ. At 16, that's what I was doing. I was having my 15.

I said my mom dropped me off at the mall. He was a bottle of vodka and quailudes and partying at that age. There was a safe way across the street from the park. About a half a mile from my high school. We got nothing to do, bro. We could just walk in that and say. Safeway, shop with a bottle of booze, and cross the street and drink it. They had no security in the daytime.

I remember I had friends who did that. I remember, like, my boy, Steve Bidinger, Jackson, bottle of that mad dog shit when we're young. That's why they have those stupid, like, caps now that take 18 hours to take off of the recovery. Well, I did the worst. I fucking stole Julio Rossi, that fucking wine. Yeah. That comes in, uh, what's the, The wine that comes in the gallon.

The box? I don't even know. Me and the kidney. Me and Louie Cat, me and either, the dogs. Please, me and Louis Caslito took one of those big old fucking jug with the handle. And we drank the whole thing. Oh, my God, Professor. Oh, God.

Jesus Christ. I had a headache for three fucking days. I know you're throwing up, man. No, I'm not a drinker at all. I can't drink anymore. Me neither. I mean, there's a point where I, like, drink a little bit, you know? A nice steak.

Done just right with some chui-chooey-chew-sauce sauce. you know, you dip steak in the chri-cherry-chis. I love that. That's so good. With an I think of a cold fucking beer. That would be nice. One beer just to have it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

That's when I enjoy a nice fucking beer, a nice cold beer. Or like a nice asahi with some sushi. Oh, shit. Which is something spicy, like a spicy, something, something. I like siders with spicy. That's what I get. When I get wings or something, I like siders. I like beers, too, but sometimes beers can get bitter.

So I'll get a cider. What the fuck is wrong? You look at her too. Don't pretend you like fingers. I would need them with wings. Why? Because then you're really a half a fag. You know what I'm saying?

Then you don't, why do you even say these things? You know what's going to break my heart? What's wrong? Just agree with the beer and move on. You don't drink cider with your wings and make it look worse. At least say even I drink a fucking beer. Even I get a fucking, and if I do get a cider, I'll get a beer to justify my existence. Especially if it's medium or above.

He chases the cider. When I went home a couple weeks ago, I went home and had a show on the city Friday. And real Friday, I didn't want any drama. So I went to my neighbor, the restaurant, Rudy's. And I got these fucking muscles. First of all, they're gigantic. They look like a big fat fucking clit. Like, if she's 300 pounds, what would a clit look?

That's what it was. The muscles are all huge. That's the first thing that came in your mind when you saw. I just suck them out like somebody's dead clit. Like somebody left their clip to science. Remind me not to go to Rudy's with you anymore. I don't think I can eat oysters again. Now I have to that shit, but you say a clam.

No, they're muscles. Muscles. Muscles. They're called Muscles. Rudy's makes the best muscles. Are you going to Google muscles right now? No, I'm going to show you the fucking picture. Look at the poop.

Look at the poo platter from two weeks ago in New York, New Jersey. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Look at that shit. dog. Poo-bo platter? Those are ribs on. Ribs, steak on a stick.

Steak on a stick. It's not worth it to be that skinny coach. You're going to have the poo-a-planner. You got to have a poo-a-mall-man. I mean, we chopped it up to digest all that food. Oh, my God. No, we chopped this up between four. Yeah, four or five people.

We chopped this up between four of us. One really stoned. What are we talking about? We're talking about the muscles. The muscles. Let me show you the fucking muskles. A clitoris. Yeah, I'm not really a big, like, what is it called?

No, he's Jewish. Rawbar fan. So he can't eat I eat shrimp like a motherfucker But I just, I don't like barbar You don't like what? The clams, muscles Yeah, I'm not oysters Into clams, oysters I dig

Clams and muscles Clams on a half shell I'll eat clams chowder. I don't like oysters That's the one that bothers me for some of me Oysters. You never had an oyster shooter? No. They make it at like a lot of sushi restaurants It's pretty good. I like sushi. I enjoy. I like that

fucking crab when they fucking get the crab and they wrap it into blue crab whatever. I like all that shit. I like sushi. I love it. I can eat that shit every fucking day. Yeah, that's the problem. But you go fucking broke. Hell yeah, it's expensive. Yeah, I got it. I got to. You got to know the little spots.

Look. That's the clamor right there? That's the muscles. But you can't even see the actual muscles because it has like all that shit on it. Yeah, that's that's that shit. That's sweet and medium sauce mixed together from Rudy's in Cliffside Park Look at the garlic

clothes in there. You know what happens to your dick after you eat that shit and a whole lot of Rudy's muscles? Do you eat with a fork or do you just like shove on my mouth? No, I just shovel them in my mouth. No, you just get it. Look at the shrimp scampi. Oh, I love shrimp. I've been going to this place since I was 17, okay?

It's over here? Look at the shit over here. Look at the Kalamad. This is fucking since I was 17 I've been going to Rudy's. Yeah. And when you go on there, you tell them to that's not the, yeah. That's Cuban shit.

And that's it. That's all I got cucketting. Can't be showing you on my whole food. We're going to talk about health and fitness. I want to, can I ask a question? You can ask whatever how you want. I had a, like I was telling you before the podcast, I had like about a year where I really fucked up with my working out and my diet.

And how much, because you, how long have you been teaching? Maybe like 15 years. Like, what percentage of like, like, Like the success of working out is mental. Oh, what percentage, man. See, everybody's different, man. You know, some people just have that thing where they like routine and, you know, they get into other people.

It takes a while, man. So a lot of it is mental. It could be, it just, I would say it just varies from person to person, you know, and to be motivated to work out and stuff like that. You know, and you have to do things to motivate yourself. I tell people, like, take a picture yourself. you know, take a picture and like, you know, like, is that how you want to look? You want to look different, you know, like, use different ways to motivate yourself, you know?

Right, that's true. I mean, and I can- People like a lot of women, like, they need a girl to, a girlfriend to come with them to motivate, and that motivates them because they're doing it together. Maybe that, you know, there's different ways to help motivate yourself. But, like, yeah, the percentage thing would have to vary from person to person. Everybody's different, man. Because I was thinking about a conversation I had with Joey when I was going to that kettlebell place.

It was kind of expensive $110 a month. And he said, why don't you just get kettlebells or why don't you just do them at the gym? Like you already know what you're doing now. And I, like for some reason with working out, I need a coach or a group because I'm not good at just going just for myself. Yeah, see, that's different. Yeah, for sure, man. So then you're the type of person that needs to go to some kind of boot camp or something where there's somebody there that's going to make you do something. unless you want to hire a personal trainer to do it.

And it's not even make me do something, but like motivate me. And especially if I like the person, I don't want to let them down but not going. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, got you got you, got you, got you. Yeah, man, you know, like, you got to find something that works for you. And yeah, it's not every, it's really hard for like a lot of, not, your average person can't just go to the gym and stay motivated and work out by themselves. Right now. There are some people that that are like that, you know, but like, it's a lot more fun to train in a group though I think in my opinion I joined karate at the age of five five or six and I really enjoyed

it that that was the birth of Joey karate right there you go juke karate 90th street west end guy still alive then I crossed the bridge when we moved to jersey and I joined gushenruh karate which is all the same shit at that time that time it's 1970 the country was uh pretty much karate there was a karate kung fu and judo were tied for second in 1970 and nothing else

there was no savat there was no Capoeuetta there was no Brazilian Jiujitsu not back then there was a little taekwondo Taekwondo was making waves and different but not as big as Goju was the black karate with the fist

and then all the Vietnam vets came back and they were teaching their own style, which was all the same. Shura Ran, Shoto Khan, Kiyoko King, Kikin Kang. It was all the fucking same. And I went to Gush and Roo Karate. But there was something that happened

when I went to Gush and Roo Karate. I was like 9 or 10, and I couldn't wait to start lifting fucking weights. I fucking couldn't wait. And my mom was not going for it. I mean, it was something that she was like, you have to wait. To your 14, you're going to ruin yourself

and all this shit. And I would go, fuck that. So I would wait until she was gone, and I would take the closets, the sliding closets, and I would unhing them and put them on two chairs, Professor, like two fucking bar stools. And I would get a bench press. That's the ones with cemented them. Yeah. If you dropped them too hard, they would shatter and shit.

And I would bench press and shit. Like, I couldn't wait. I loved it. I loved. By the time I was 16, I was on a regular weightlifting routine. Not squats and nothing but chest, back, triceps. I used to be like that. All that shit.

I loved it. I didn't leave the house. My sophomore in junior year till I worked out. Seven o'clock, people came over, and we all did. We all pushed each other. And I loved it. But when I got into comedy, that became my love and obsession, especially when I got to the major league,

to get into major leagues, which is living in Los Angeles. Yeah. And your focus does shift, you know. And it took a long. For me right now, it's a mental thing. For me, it's, I don't, I hate being overwhelmed with comedy professor. It fucking drives me crazy. If all 10 phone calls are about comedy, it drives me crazy.

Then I got to write comedy, then I got to talk about comedy. They got to bump into comics. I got to hang out with comics. So when I go to Jiu-Jitsu, it's a complete different mental game for me. I talk to people when I'm a fat fuck in the back. And I love that feeling. I love just being the fat fuck in the back. We don't need to take pictures.

We don't need to talk about comedy. What's your next movie? It's your happy place. It's my happy place. I've had a lot of people talking about it. And I think that part of all those years where I was fucking up, Professor, was because I didn't have a happy place. You've got to have an outlet, man.

You know, you can't have the same shit all over time. My happy place to the edge of this was the problem was I was a double agent, professor. Okay, because. I knew it all. You know, the other day had a really interesting conversation, Eddie Bravo. And I had a couple interesting, a lot of people think that I would even consider it's fucking hilarious. Eddie Bravo asked me something the other day, and when I told him no, he almost died. He goes, so when you get high before class, how do you do?

Because I told Eddie, I called him. I go, I went two Sundays ago, not this last Sunday, the Sunday before. I got murdered, Professor. white belts were choking me out. It just didn't have it that day. And I called Eddie, I go, if I ever thought about quitting, it would be today. And he goes, maybe, he goes, did you get high before class?

I go, don't. I don't get high before class. I go, if I got a 12 o'clock class, the last time I'll get high is at 8.30 in the morning. I won't get high three hours before fucking. And he's like, get the fuck out of you. I'm like, you think I'm fucking with you. I go, that shit's true.

No, hell not. I always thought you did, like, edible. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not this last time, but about six months ago, one night, I went to the weed store, two in the afternoon. And I bought weed, and they gave me 100 milligram rice to be a treat. You know what I do with 100? Oh, my God.

You know what that does to me? We ate, what tonight? We ate like 500 tonight. And look at me. Look at 500. What do you think 100 milligrams does to me? Nothing. I ate it.

Didn't even think about it. I didn't even haunt me. Till I was walking up the corner to the jit-s. Oh, God. As I'm walking up the corner, I'm like, I might be making a mistake. But I saw Alberto's wife already by the Asai, a jungle. I couldn't back out then. So I remember walking in and having to sit down.

Oh, my God. And people wanted to shake my hand. and hug me, and I'm trying to fake the thunk. It's hitting me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At that point, I would just go back with it, I think jungle and get an assay. Fuck you. I ran, I got my car. I came back, and it's not like I, at

night you can't go in the back and do jumping jacks. And warm up a little bit, it's packed. So I had to go right on the mat. And during the warm up, when you do the grip, the cross-chrope cutters, sit down. During the cross-choke chunkers, the fucking, the cross-choke-chook.

You had it when it was kicking. Let me tell you some. The anxiety was off the charge, and I'm looking at you, and you don't know what's going on. And I'm hired and, fuck. That's the day that you were like, he's so interested in today. Oh, my God. And then we went over a technique, and we did the technique, and that was cool. And the first roll, the white belt mounted me, and I was like, out of breath.

And I'm sitting there ready to die. And who do I spot a blue belt that's a woman? I go, that's my next victim. to the end of this class. And I just got on top of her. That was it. Until you were like, all right, class is over. I'm like, ooh.

See, that's the thing about Edel. No, bro. Fuck that, professor. They'll creep up at you and you're just like, oh. But six hours later, I forgot about the fucking thing. Damn, that's crazy. Until your heart starts beating. Delayed reaction.

But it happens with comedy, too. Like, sometimes you might eat at three. Go out to dinner. Ha, ha, ha, ha. And once you go on stage, do you, adrenaline level goes up, the lights, it's lights in, everything kicks in now. So if you wait a fuck, yeah, yeah. That's a chance, man.

No, but it's not, bro, I think, I think being underneath a guy like you and Halfguard is more scarier than being on Slade's bombing at the 10-minute mark. You have no idea. When you bomb dog in comedy, you have to, the best is when you open for somebody and you bomb. Like for years, I opened for Rogan and bombed. And when people come out and go, Joe, you were great. And all of a sudden they look at you and they go, you're good too.

You sucked. You have to walk out in front of those fucking people. Like, that is... I can imagine. That's crazy, man. Horrible, horrible feeling. Yeah. People's careers have ended when they heckled.

And you make these videos and you're pretty natural in front of a camera. I've been doing it for a while. I've been doing it for a while, but I think I'm a natural actor. Are you? So if anybody's giving any rolls out there? They ain't they don't giving dick anymore. Those days are over with it. You mean I don't have a chance of being discovered on here?

Especially now that Harvey Weinstein got busted. Oh, man. If Harvey was still around, I make a few calls. Get you up to the hotel. You can teach him jih Tzu and a ballerina suit. Oh, my God. Next thing you know, we're going to have, like, chicks from the rap video saying, hey, man, Snoop Dog, molest him here or some shit like that.

Some crazy shit. He already admitted to being a pimp, so I think... Dude, like, no, but what I'm saying is just like... Snoop Dog? Those rappers, like, bone all the girls in the videos. Hold on, you kidding me. Bro, those girls used to go to those parties and get fucking... Oh, for sure, dude.

Not gang rape. The word isn't gang rape. No, but willingly, but they would get willingly back my dang guy. Willingly, man, because like the, like, for sure, man, I remember... Yeah, okay, okay. Some of those guys... He did, they claim some of pimp? He...

I think he did it, but I don't think he took the money or something. It's a Rolling Stone article. from 2013 In 2003 He put an order organization together When he was doing the Playboy tour He had a bus following with 10 bitches on it I could fire a bitch and fuck a bitch

Get a new home He said city to city Oh my God I'll put this up there I guess for you But he But yeah But he said he'd act like he'd take her money But he'd give the money back to her

so he was just pretending to be a little he just wanted to see what it was like oh my god dude so people do that are millionaires you know they just hey i'm gonna pretend to be a pimp for a little while just to see what it's like bunny oh that the bunny whaler is a he's he's a pimp was he a pimp was he a pimp who's bunny whaler i don't know i'd see that i'd let them take the money from the wasn't joking. Somehow, Stozoidva was his wife should have a survival.

My wife had to take a back seat to this shit. I love her to this day because she could shook out a nigger, but she stayed in my corner. So when I decided to let go,

she was still there. Yeah, you're lucky man. My wife. Right there says a lot of athletes bought pussy from me. Look me right here. Hold on. Look at this.

He's so funny. Like city to Titty to Titty Hotel room to hotel room Jesus Christ I mean what the listen You know You're Justin Bieber

You know you're on a tour bus What the fuck do you think happens You know Somebody was telling me a story Years ago About when Paulie Sure was at his peak Then he had gone to his club

At the time he goes I was like a server But I remember coming in And seeing a line of girls and it was Pauley in the bus with blind like things and he had a guy outside

waiting to and he would have girls that would just come in to suckers' deck yeah, yeah, I can imagine. You want to put yourself in that type of position that's your fucking business that's Polly Shore so Justin Bieber man

I can't, you know, I can't imagine what those guys do. That's crazy. Well, you know, you got nothing going on you live here, hot you got a hot body you wear those fucking hot fucking shoes what do you

I'm gonna tell you I don't know do you take somebody on the road who the fuck knows man you just try to do the best you can and try to be a gentleman but on those road things you saw fresh out of Compton when they fucking

uh whatever the fuck the movie is they had the chicks in the room and the black guy knocked in the door and she was sucking the guy's dick and that's his girlfriend but it's in the point until like got someone new one in every city

why do they want to take somebody that's a hotel room maybe there's different that's what a groupie is man that's what ten girls are you bring rubies on the road groupies follow the groupie follows bands are oh okay if the group is going to drive themselves then that's okay yeah sometimes

it's like a pair of them what was that movie they made plus is full of them now remember that movie they did with uh with uh the guy from my name is earl and mark marron about music really good music. Almost famous. Almost famous. Almost famous. Was it almost famous or the other one? Rockstar.

It was rock star. A rock star. Where the girls followed in the back. Girlfriends were in the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Those guys had weird fucking rules on tours, bro. Those are tours with 20 people on them late. Holy shit. That's a lot of money. Your dealer, your

Coke dealer, your fucking weed dealer, your psychic healer, you know, your relationship. Did he still charge you for the weed? Listen, who the fuck knows, Lee? You're making millions of dollars. You were living in a fucking camp, and next thing you know, you're selling out arenas. You don't even know how much money you fucking have.

You have the number one album in the fucking country, and five nights a week, you're selling out 19,000 fucking seats, two shows a fucking night. What do you think happens in the 70s and 80s? When the music business was still alive. when music was still alive and you put out an album, you sold 10 billion fucking copies, like, you know, Whitney Houston numbers and, you know, what's the chick that sang the Titanic?

You know, those numbers, that takes you into millions of millions of dollars. It's crazy how much money to make. Music has millions of layers to it. You know, Rob Thomas, I read a story one time of Rob Thomas, how much he made off writing one fucking song because he always kept the rights. Who the fuck knows?

A lot more than I ever fucking made. Yeah, man. You know, look at the controversy that happened with the Beatles and Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson bought the rights to the Beatles music under fucking Paul McCartney's nose. Why do you think he bought that? Because there was so much,

that means anytime fucking Chevrolet wants to use what you know. songs he's gonna be making money you're gonna use that that's gonna be you know how big the beatles catalog is are you fucking crazy even led zeppelin broke down led zeppelin who were the kings of anti-commercial once they went with catalect but i guarantee you catalogue how to pay zeppel a lot of fucking money dog yeah i guarantee one of those guys raised their head and said listen my bank account fell under 200 million for the first time in 20 years music business is huge huge man i was just watching that

Joe rogan when he had billy corgan on there and i mean the smash you're pretty big but i didn't realize they made that much money oh fuck yeah he was talking about like going and just for the hell of it just go walking and buy a fucking Ferrari or Lamborghini shit i was like wow because i remember that one album simi's dream was huge and after that they had another one was pretty big but like man

like i mean when you're selling a couple million albums i guess you're making it a shitload of cheddar if you didn't see that the road for a year and you perform four nights a week like with Guns and Roses just did yeah right now they're making

the tour just ended Wednesday night it was uh they did it on live on whatever the fuck it was but I can't even imagine with the money they make on the road they probably made a shit little money because for them to get back together they had to promise them a big amount of money that's what they do with them

for sure for sure for sure listen the money's Yeah, you know, they were getting... For Guns and Rose, fuck, yeah. But Thursday night show, they were getting $2,000 a ticket for Wednesday night show. Wow. Because that was the last night of the tour at the fucking forum. No.

There's tons of... That was, you know, now there's, you know, you drive down sunset, there's no more record stores. There's none of the ones over by. Nobody buys none of that shit. It's crazy how the... You know, how... It's changed.

You know, I remember living to walk into a... fucking like the other I went into the one by Burbank That's one of my favorite ones Which one? What? I'm too lazy to drive to Hollywood to Omeba Which I need to go there I haven't been in a music store and God knows how Oh Jesus Christ

I just buy everything on Google Play man I can't remember the last time I bought a CD or a DVD for that matter Let me tell you something you have to go to Omeba at least one time Yeah Miva I mean that's just to walk around I love it I go to Amiba I walk around I see the music I remember shit Yeah.

Because you forget a ton of shit. I've forgotten more about music than most people know. I believe it. Because I went through 23,000 phases of music. Same here. You know, from the pretenders to, I went through so many different genres that I forgot about some shit. I like the Smashing Pumpkins.

I never saw them live. Yeah, I like them too. I mean, I liked the album before the Siamese Dream and Siamese Dream, and then I kind of got out of them for a little while. But that was around like the whole. grunge error and stuff like that. I just didn't realize that they made that much money. Chris Cornell,

which was one of the reasons why you wanted to come on here. I forgot. Yeah, that's where we're supposed to do. We were talking about Chris Cornell. Can you imagine how much Guitus he's going to get in the next couple of years? Oh, man. Because he wrote all those songs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where the

dough is. Right. When you're the writer, then you make the majority of the cut. So he wrote for Soundgarden. He wrote for his songs, all that. And that's initially, I think that's what broke up audio slave. Was it?

I think so, because I think it was like, he was supposed to get the bigger cut, and it kind of a little, you know, something, something. And then that's what I, that's what I had read. I don't know if it's 100% true. It's crazy. About two weeks ago, I was driving, and I go, wow,

I haven't heard Chris Cornell music on the radio a few months. You know, just the people just must have got together, and so let's give it a break. and I get in the car the other morning and Rusty Cage is on and then they got on the 405 the other day and fell on black dazes on. I'm like, fuck,

how good was this shit? Hell yeah, man. Like, I kind of like couldn't listen to it for a little while. You know? And I recently started playing some like Temple of the Dog and some sound garden and stuff like that. But man, I just,

just thinking about it would make me sad. Just make me sad. I'd be like, wow, Chris Cornell's really gone. It's fucking sucks. You know, this shit. year has been weird this year was a weird year but the music industry took a heavy hit this year how many fucking people died prince david bowie chester bennington chris cornell who i'm missing there was somebody a few a few other people we lost we lost my brother ralphie may this

year it's been starting to bother me the last three saturdays this morning i woke up i think that's why i went back to bed this morning because i got too depressed about it Because he would call me on Saturday morning if he knew I was on the road. And he knows that no matter what time I go to sleep Friday, I always get up for eggs Saturday morning. I'd get stoned. I watch something and they're in the fucking bed.

And now, like, for a while, I'm like, he's just on the road. In your mind, you're like, he's just on the road. But now that I'm not hearing. And then somebody posted a picture the other day on Twitter of them with a hat on. You know, and then from time to time, his fucking page comes up and it just, you know, he had a Twitter page that said tour dates

and a picture him going, or whatever, with tour dates. And for some reason, I don't think him and I were ever friends on Twitter. So it keeps saying friend them. And so it's fucked up. And I keep going, I can't believe I'm never going to see that guy again. Yeah, man. He's never going to sit in the fucking chair again, you know. That's why we're lucky every fucking day.

man, I've been there too many times, so I know how you feel. It's the same way it was like my first year teaching at Legacy. I lost three students from my old gym. The first one was my boy Eldon Navarro. Like, once I started teaching at Legacy, some of my students started coming out there. I never asked them to come, but they're like, hey, you're there. Is it cool if we come on? Hell yeah, that's cool, you know.

And little by little, my former students from our old gym, SoCal started showing up, you know. And we're all training and Eldon walks in and we're like, Oh, then, oh shit. You know, we were like happy to see him. He signed up. Literally no shit, Joey, the next day, he jumps down the five on his motorcycle gets random, and dies.

And you just, and you know, like, what happens is, like, these memories pop up on Facebook too. And you're like, fuck, man. Like, fucking that's crazy, dude. You know, like, I mean, he was young, man, you know? It's fucked up, dude. I had another student, Yanny.

She died in a fucking mountain biking accident. Like a few months later, dude. Crazy, dude. Like, I never realized mountain biking was that dangerous. I thought they just fucking rode mountain bikes through the woods and shit, like, jumped over logs and stuff. But apparently they do, like, crazy shit, like driving on the edge of fucking mountains and shit. And I don't know what she did, but she flew off.

And then I guess she hit her head and went into a coma. And she was just brain dead. So they had a pull the plug. You know, Yenny. She was, like, in her 30s. Then I had another one, John Hevesgold. Like, he killed himself and shit, man. you know and it's fucking crazy man you know it's crazy man people just dropping off flies man

you know and that's kind of like been my story my whole life i've like had a lot of people died to me man so i know i've had it since i was crazy man it's crazy man it's you and it's you and i remember my uncle telling me one day goes he goes he goes he goes don't think it's god punishing you man he's like he's like sometimes some people get it worse than others you know because my mom died my dad died my little brother was strangled three years ago crazy shit man it's crazy so it makes you it really makes you appreciate life a lot more. You've got to appreciate everything that you have. No, I always, I lost the friends and the parents at an early age and now it hits me differently. Now I know how to cope

it a little bit better. Everybody deals with a different. The Ralphie thing, you know, that's why I tell people it's a process. When the grieving process, it's a long process. Yeah. And it could either be a long one or a short one. It all depends. Like some people, the first holiday is tough. Yeah. You know, I always did something with Ralphie around Thanksgiving. The holidays, the last 10 years, he was married. He had kids. You know, he was in Nashville. I didn't see him.

I could sit here and tell you, oh, no, no, no, I wasn't like that. But we talked, you know, these are your comedy friends. These are people that you grew with. You know, you watch them grow and they watch you grow. It's a special type of bond, you know, so. No, the Cornell thing And look, I heard it I said to myself

I hadn't heard it And boom, I heard two fucking jams And now I'm back And now it's the fucking month When you hear these fucking things End of the year And all the people we lost this year Yeah, yeah, yeah

I hate all that shit Yep But anyway, the other reason why We talked, I know you have another video Coming out When is this coming out And what's the name of this one? Oh, the, um

I'm working on the KB flow 90 day challenge. We already filmed like eight weeks of it. So got a little bit more filming to go, but it should be out like in the new year, like January, like maybe late January or so. But it's in the work. So the KB flow program is basically right now,

like that's kind of like a trend with kettlebells. You know, everybody's doing kettlebell flows and stuff like that. And everybody sees my videos and they see other people doing it, but that's kind of originally what I started doing. I developed kettlebell flows. because I was bored with basically the same. So can you describe what a flow is?

For me, like, and it varies, you know, people have their own version of what they think of flow is, but, you know, I started doing kettlebell flow for a reason because my whole idea was trying to, always trying to make kettlebell training closer to Jiu-Jitsu. So in Jiu-Jitsu, when it comes to Jiu-Jitsu, you're using all your muscles that, all the time, together, you know? So you're pushing, you're pulling,

your hinging, and you're squatting in some way, some form or another when you're doing Jiu-jitsu. So a kettleball flow for me is putting multiple movements together and combining those together into one continuous flow where you're working your whole body. Like some people like say maybe you say like

Professor I do five of those things right here and I do five cleans right here. That wouldn't be a flow that's more like a ladder. You're doing everything but like for me like doing a flow today we did squat curl press, squat curl press, figure eight to hold figure eight to hold. Rocket, clean it, squat curl press, squat, you know what I understand?

Figure eight to a hold. hold so that's like a flow you know so like when you combine multiple large muscle groups together then your heart rate shoots up that's why jiu jitsu is so hard you're using all your muscles your heart rate shoots up you're sweating start breathing heavy and you're burning calories so and in addition to that like a lot of people don't realize like when you're training jihitsu the muscle guess what the muscle is that you're working the most you're because you're no matter what you're you're pretty much always using this muscle whenever you're your heart where your hips does it the heart is a muscle too but your forearms man you gotta think about you're all we're always fucking

grabbing I thought I was good looking grabbing grabbing grabbing grabbing they did a study on it like my little boy benny speaking of Benny Benny Blok and brooks he's always like looking shit up and sending me stuff professor look this is the number one mood just like you say because the kettlebell flows because with a kettle flow you're not putting that bell down for like an extended period time like maybe like almost two minutes so your forearms are blowing up as well as that's kettlebell you using today I used like a 20 kilogram kettlebell if you guys look at the kettlebell flow. That's on my Instagram right now. That's not easy, guys. It's like 42 pounds. Yeah, I mean, I don't really consider it that heavy, you know, like there's some people, I know a girl,

shout out to my girl, Brittany, KB Fit Brit. She does sport kettlebell lifting. And she does 224 kilograms long cycles. That means 10 minutes of those particular exercise for 10 minutes straight. I've seen those things where they do like hundreds of swings or hundreds of cleans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like Jesus Christ. Like people do that. And you know, I'm not. I'm not really the biggest fan of it because that's just like, why do you need to do a thousand repetitions of any particular exercise? I don't really get that. But, you know, people like use that as a different way to motivate themselves. You know what I mean?

We're like, oh, I've got to do it now with the challenge. I'm going to try to do a thousand swings during this week. You know, just something. People like to set goals, you know. You know, I'm not a fan of the thousand swings because, I mean, like, it's kind of like overworking your posterior chamber a little bit. I think 500 swings is a better goal. I don't even, man. Honestly, after the end of the week, we don't even get 100, we don't even get 100 swings.

Are you serious? Yeah. It's not about like how many. It's about the whole routine together and working all your muscles evenly. You know, I don't like working one muscle more than another, you know. I like to get a full body workout. Like if after you leave like one of my kettle does a workout, you're going to fill it everywhere. I'm going to fill it everywhere.

You're not going to just fill it in your butt or your legs or your chest or whatever. You know what I mean? That's what I'm always trying to, um, accomplishing the workout is to get a full body workout and a safe workout. So the KB flow challenge is going to have basically like what people see on my Instagram, they see one minute of a workout. They're not seeing what leads up to that. You know what I mean?

So like something, you have to break each flow down little by little step by step and drill it with the kettlebell and then it leads up to the kettlebell flow. So on this on this program that I'm doing, it's going to teach, it's going to teach you how to structure flows and how to warm up properly and everything like that. that and it's going to be in levels. So by by the end of the 90 day program, man, you're going to have like a really amazing understanding of kettlebells and not only just kettlebell, but like movement with kettlebells because that's why I love kettlebell so much because you can add so much movement to it as well. But it doesn't get too crazy. You know, like nowadays people are are really into

doing the most complicated flow as possible. But the way I look at it is like it's not really practical. I wouldn't be able to teach it to a class anyway. You have to make the flow is practical so people can actually do them with you as well you know but you know that's the beauty of fitness man you can just do whatever you want you know you could do crazy flows or i'm always thinking about how am i going to teach this to my students as well you know so like the kb flow program that's going to be coming out it's going to have it's going to be structured like from the beginning kettlebell flow to intermediate to advanced to like double kettlebell flows and stuff like that as well so by in that program you're going to be a kettlebell beast for show let me ask you this like

that's it. This is the month where people start looking at themselves and go, I bought these pants and they fucking don't fit no more.

My wife is fucking putting them in the shrink that too long. So you fucking eat everything without us. This is the one month where people don't work out, man. The gym gets slow all the time.

This time of the year. Yeah, and they're just waiting for the fucking new year. And then it'll be packed. And then, yeah, New Year, that's when the New Year's

resolutions kick in. And then, Everybody wants to fucking work out again, you know? It's, and then summer comes around and then it slows down again. They're like, oh. Some guy, 40, typical 40s, used to work out, stop because he had a kid or something. He starts watching one of your videos. What's the first video?

I think, you know, because you have some great videos on there. Like you got like a three-minute intervals. You got the fucking the free workout sample, the basic tutorial. You got some great little, you even had a piece that was in J-Jitsu magazine. Yeah, yeah. I've been in Jiu-JZib magazine a couple times, yeah. So what can they start off? You know what? Honestly, like, man, you know, you have to find kettlebells is not something that, or just

exercise in general, it's just something you just don't want to look at Instagram and just grab something to start doing it. Well, you have a program online. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you can go online. Any of my programs start from absolute beginner. So, like, anybody can pick up anyone in my programs. I'm not going to just, I haven't done just like a straight, advanced workout out there, you

So like all my programs, if you go online, and actually, you know what, like I forgot to take everything down from my Black Friday sale. So everything's still discounted right now. So it's super cheap. You can get $9.99. You can get a one-month Turkish get-up program right now. And it's going to take you step by step from beginner to advance. So, like, anybody can pick up one of my downloads and start from scratch. I definitely do not recommend, like, looking at an Instagram video and being like, hey, and just pick up a kettlebell and start doing it.

Because, like I said, there's a lot that leads up to it. But you have to know how to warm up properly and stuff like that. So like my downloads is just like basically like having me in your living room to work out with, you know. And that's how I try to make them. So. I watch. Or find a place that has a legit kettlebell person and learn from them. It's funny because I know you're starting to certify people.

I've been certifying people for almost 10 years now. And they're all over the country. Yep. All over the world. And but it's funny. I see the people who just basically work with you. And I've seen how they've transformed. especially how their jiu-jitsu game.

The one kid who works at his dad's mechanic's shop, your boy in the morning, what's in the Filipino kid, the doctor, that came from V-MAC with all of us. Carlo, you know, I see how their games all change. You teach a different type of game. Jiu-Jit-Zs, yeah.

And it's really, I can see it with the people that you work with, you know. For sure, man, you know. It's just a shame I can't get up at six-time. then come see it's not for everybody man but yeah i have a i think i have a particular style you know i kind of like try to emulate my master hasa machado style of jiu jutsi you know like i really he really just emphasizes like technique over strength and not hurting people and just flow that's what i'm talking about flow you're always hearing me saying be like water be like water be like water be like water that's how i like to try to try to roll like in a tournament it's totally different it's a lot

harder it's a lot crazier but like yeah a lot of my guys the guys that i train over there we try to get him that nice flowy style, you know, transition and stuff like that. You're a beautiful fucking man. Let me give some shoutouts here. Yeah, yeah. The Polarizer with a new podcast. My man Chris Hardy, P. Panato, Alexander Voigt, Rocky, Rebellion, Sam Femito, Chris Otto, Don Rangler, and my main man, the Australian warrior, and Dante, the email, Gazelle.

You know what I'm saying? I love the debt. He's a fucking savage. Don't forget tonight I'm going to be a observatory in San Diego. I'll be leaving here right after I fucking get out of here. So I'll see you cocksuckers tonight.

And tomorrow night, I'm in the Santa Ana Observatory with my main man Wheeler Walker Jr. both nights. Fucking Sunday night was fucking tremendous. Lee was dancing. Some country girl,

one of those liquor's nuts. It was like, Like Harvey Wollstone backwards, you know what I'm saying? Go to Willowah's a great show. Thank you for, thank you for having me. Yeah, no, it's going to be fucking great. It's going to be great.

It was great last night. I can't see it being any better tonight. Always a fucking pleasure seeing you, Professor. Thanks for having me on again, Joe. I appreciate it. People have been hitting me up. When are you going to be on the show again?

Yeah, no, no, I love you on the show. We took a nice picture yesterday. I'm going to go to class tomorrow. All right. Because Monday I can't go to class, I don't think. I got you. I'm going to drive to Sandy. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah. Try to put the pieces together. I'll mix it up my days. You know, have you seen you up in there? No, you know I love you. Number one, remember one thing I told you. Christmas is coming. Who the fuck needs socks?

Who the fuck wants this? Who the fuck wants anything? They don't want dick. You know what they want? They want to get their balls licked and their dick sucked. And to do that, that area has to be clean. That's why, hello. Tushy is changing lives. You understand me? You're sitting there going, what's

hello Tushy? It's a portable bidet. You adjusting your toilet. And after you take the shit of life, you press a button and a stream of fountain water, cleans your asshole, all that fungi, and leftover chicken wings, and whatever else is the fuck you've been eating. So when you're writing your Christmas list to Santa this year, tell that son of a bitch, he still owes your Guitas, and all you want is a clean butt cheeks. That's it. And we got access to pine cones. Who needs fucking dingleberries?

Dingling from your bowels of the holy and some fudgy pudding smeared all over your fucking Christmas night. On holy night, you need tushy. That's what you need. A nice tushy bidet. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, and your assholes is clean as a fucking

nun's monkey. You follow me? it cleans your ass better than any toilet paper on the market. It uses clean water to spray your butt providing you with a shower, fresh feeling after every shit. You understand me? Where did you get that from? Don't worry about what we get. Don't be asking questions. It's all about hello dushy.

That's what it's all about. And a clean ass all. I want one. And having a portable bidet. Well, if you want one, this is what we're going to work out, all right? they come in a millennial pink and blue to add to a popper culture to your bathroom. They even have two models with fancy bamboo knobs,

and they start at $69. They got new colors, and this is what people want. Stop fucking fucking Christmas presents. Make sure your friend has a clean asshole. How much were your friend like you? That's the gift that keeps giving right there. It keeps giving.

Every time, every time. your friend goes home and takes the shit and pushes that fucking button he's going to think of you. He's going to say that motherfucker knows that I give a present. I'm going to have them over to my next Christmas party. Well, if you want one, you got to do what people do? Because I want

to think of you right after I take a done. You got to go to hello-thurchy.com right now and what we're going to do is we're going to give you a bidet portable, beautiful. They start at $69 with a risk-free 60-day trial. Now, Lee has

not busted his bidet, and he's got a big ass, and I haven't busted mine, and Tom Segura hasn't fucked this up, which means the quality on these things is fantastic. They're very sturdy. Let's stop buckling around with cracking jokes here and shit. Right now, you're sitting there. Do yourself a favor. Look around when nobody's watches. Stick your finger up your ass.

Sniff it. Is that what you need in your life? Go to hellotushy.com right now and press in church and get 10% off your order. You just gave him a new catchphrase. I don't fuck around. Yeah. Number two, honor.com supplements. You want to be healthy.

Listen, I can't get you any points off on the steel bells or the kettle bells. But as far as alpha brain, hemp force protein, the assay vanilla, which you loved, right, professor? I like that one in the maca. And the coca, mocha, cocoa. Moka cocoa. Listen, alpha brain, the moco cocoa hemp force and shroom tech sport are my favorites. Why fuck around? Go to honor.com right now and press in.

Church. Bam! 10% off. Deliver it right to your house. Nobody gets their feelings hurt. Number three, you're going to shop for a new ghee, your girlfriend. Listen, go to Fuji. Between the elemental, the Sakai, which means world in Japanese, if you didn't know that.

And the Soaparito, they're tremendous three geese. What a sapparito mean? Sapirido means, mind your fucking business. No questions. That's what Saaparito means in Japanese. All right. So the Saperito, the Sakai, and the fucking, the elemental are tremendous geese and all of them are lightweight. It doesn't feel like you get a bulletproof fucking jacket on you when you're trying to, when people trying to choke, it's bad enough, it's hot in there.

And these fucking Brazilians don't turn the egg. You know what I'm saying? Anyway, I love my man, Joey Alvarado, Professor Joey Alvarado. What's the website they go to? Just go to, just Google Kettle Jitsu. And don't forget, always, when you're getting kettlebells. Also, look at these people, too. Kettlebell Kings.

They supply kettlebells also. That's my sponsor for a kettlebell. That's their sponsors. We'll give them a little holler. I won't get mad. We're all family. We'll all chase the same nickel. So, whoa, December's here.

You got fucking 21 days of shoplifting left, cock suckers. Get ready. We'll see you later this week. We didn't even play. Let's just close it, Tony Bennett, tonight. You're fucked up tonight, Lee. That's how high I got today. You fucked up.

I'm ready. up put on Tony Bennett. I love you guys. See you Wednesday. See you tonight in San Diego. Stay black. Peace out. I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks

your heart. Some, somebody twice as smart as I or somebody who We'll swear to be true as you used to do with me. We'll leave you to learn that misery loves company.

Wait and see. I want to be around. See how he does it when he breaks your heart two bits. Let's see if the buzzer. So fits, so fine. And that's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet. As I sit there applauding from a front row seat, when somebody breaks your heart like you.