The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #559 - George Perez

Episode Date: February 15, 2018

George Perez, Comedian seen on "Payaso Comedy Slam" and heard as the host of the, "George Perez Stories" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Vincero Watches - Dont just get a watch, elevate your game and get  a Vincero Watch. Get yours at getthewatch.net and our listeners get 15% off when they use promo code CHURCH.   Onnit.com - Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 02/13/2018.

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And also, to my family over it on it, always supplying the best supplements in the house. As a matter of fact, today I went on a little hike and I did an alpha brain. I walked for an hour. I was sweating like an animal. I went to all my points last night. I got eye and, you know what I'm saying? I got to make it up. I got to go to the kickbox and tomorrow.

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Go to honor.com right now. Lee, kick that motherfucking mule. Churchill, what's happening now? The Valentine's Day edition. Prison stories. George Perez. The Christ Killer. Something for fucking Denver.

We'll be there that. came out. But I'll tell you what. It's the truth. This jam is a fucking monster. Rocky Mountain fire. Are you kidding me or what? Sir Churchill, what's happening now, you bad motherfuckers.

Greetings. George Perez here. Lee Syatt's here. What's up, Papa? What's up, my boy? You know, man. I just wanted to fucking see you. I'm glad.

It's tough. I'm down there. You know, I got a fucked up here. So I try to go to the store because I get sick on the Lowell Canyon. So I puked him. I get down there. Oh, yeah? I got to go to the store smelling like some fucking vamp.

You were peeping in their breath. It's kind of embarrassing. I only go down there once a week, twice a week. You know, besides that, I just stick around. How are you doing? You look good. God bless you. You're still here 24.

Hell yeah, dog. Banging it out. It's... The fuck them prison tried to stop you. Fuck, yeah. You were like Tupac. Fuck it. Out on bail, fish out of jail.

California dream and fuck it one of the fools that I fought in there too just hit me up on he hit me up on Instagram he's like hey homie you know me as this and we had a little miscommunication it's like I'm not tripping and just glad you're doing good and I was like fuck is this a setup wanted to meet up and shit good people change yeah no it was good he did change people change yeah you can't you can't that's why I hate these accusations look at chachi now so you're gonna tell me this happened 20 years ago? Is that what they're saying? Chachi from Happy Days,

and then he had his own show for a while. You can't, people change. They were pedophile, maybe they were horned up, maybe they did Coke the night before. You don't know their fucking situation. You don't know their situation. And half of these people don't ever want to come clean. So then you're fucked.

You know, just say, listen, I did 22 weight balls the night before, and I was still horned up that day, and you showed up with that little bikini top, You drove me fucking crazy And I figured I'd tell you And I wanted to squeeze one of your tits and sniff them You know

When I was doing drugs I did creepy shit We all do dogs Yeah I mean I've done some kind of creepy shit But I mean like I kind of feel mean You have this sensor When you're like

Like when I take the dress off And she hasn't said a word Like in 90 seconds I'm like hey Are you cool or like Are my scaring you? No They know what time it is

Listen you don't go back to an apartment With a dude with an A ball You're fucking right Even if you're married, you know, you're going to show me your pussy. You have to do something. I mean, that's just street level type shit. You come over, you do an A ball. Don't hit me with some story at 6 in the morning.

You got to go. You did that snort. Now you've got to show me something. Yeah, let me sniff your bra. Something is that type of body. And that's the truth. That's a guy's mentality. I know, yeah.

That's the way guys mentality's always been. It's just something. It's just... I used to bring girls to the crib and have Coke, speed, fucking PCP and weed and be like, what's up? Do you want to hang out

or do you want to go home? And then you tell them the truth. Listen, if we do this, there's some shit's going to get ugly. Are you okay? And they'll look at you. Yeah, I'm already fucked up. I'm up here.

I got nowhere to go. I live six miles away. I don't have cab fare. I'm going to have to do something, cook, suck, something to get home anyway. Put the lamp up. Fucking horrible.

Horrible. What's going to happen now? Everybody's going to get a finger pointed about something they did 30 fucking years ago. You know, we're talking about the other day with Ali about, you know. They're tripping on Ali? No, no, no, no.

We were talking about Quincy Jones went off. Oh, yeah. People's business and shit. Did you hear what he said? He said a bunch of crazy shit. You know, bro, it's everybody wants attention. We live in L.A. dog. That's what these people do.

They seek attention. So they got outdo each other. I didn't get fucked in the ass. He didn't rape me once. He raped me three times. Really? He came over three times to rape you. Now you're going to come out with this shit.

You know, every day is always fucking something. This is Los Angeles. These people are broken. We're broken as performance. Someone along the line. We saw somebody getting stabbed. Something fucking happened. Fuck, yeah.

And it stays with you for a long fucking time. What do you think happens when you give these idiots this fuel you give them? You give these young people a fire. What do you do? And you girls and you guys or whoever don't fucking help any of you. You know, with your fucking bullshit. love of Fay. You don't even know these people. And you're going down there with a poster.

What the fuck is wrong with you? You don't even know these fucking people. This guy's a fucking mammogrammer on the outside. But in today's world, we don't even care. You know, we don't even care. It doesn't really matter. Listen, man, we were talking about last night, like Paul Mooney sucked Richard Pryor's dick. It's in one of the books or something like that. Does that make me hate Paul Mooney? No, he's one of my mentors. What am I doing? You know what I'm saying?

Like, we choose to pick and decide what's right and what's wrong in our world. Yeah, some people like to go darker. They were just like, fuck it. You know, I always make the point about the Sopranos. One of the most interesting thing about the Sopranos is that whenever you wants the Sopranos, your wife watched it with you or your girlfriend. It was that good of a show. Yeah.

But you cheated on his wife once every two episodes. What an episode? Yeah, and America watched it. They understood it. They took him for what he was. This shit's been going on for fucking years. But you know what? If you fell into something 20 years ago,

before you open your mouth, contact that person. Yeah. And say, hey, man, 20 years ago, you said something or did something? So I just didn't dig. And, you know, you changed me and you go, listen, I'm sorry, you know, what can I do to apologize or something like that? If you want to go to the press, go to the press. I went to prison for kidnapping.

You don't see him cry. I put him in the trunk of a fucking car. You don't see him fucking... Don't give him any ideas. No, he's a great guy. He's coming on the show like in November. He's coming out for fucking three weeks or something. We talked, man.

You got your kidnap victim coming? Bro, I talk to that, dude. I have to. Yeah. For my own peace of mind, I'm one of those dudes. I just told the story about giving Bobby Lenton the money I owed him and sent him. I just sent him a check Monday in the mail. What did you do to Bobby?

I borrowed $400 didn't pay him back 20 fucking years ago for a cold debt. You know, it was like a Coke debt that went wrong. I'm one of those guys, bro, that, you know, I fucked up. Yeah. I fucked up. I've got it before, too. I fucked up. Now, if it was a, let me explain some to you.

I owe 1,000 people $20,000 for Coke. They're not going to see a red dime. You know what I'm saying? Those people don't see a red dime. They played a game. They knew what they were getting themselves in. Straight up. That's the day.

You think people that hold me money? People owe me money. I forgot it because I knew. I knew the game I was in. You got to. caught with your goddamn yeah that's what life is about sometimes you win sometimes you lose at the end as long as you break even you're happy you know i seen someone that owe me money man and he i remember it was a qp remember stress weed a quarter pound was 125 bucks no yeah well stress weed is

that ugly weed that medsco brought over in the tires and shit and i used to sell that shit and i fronted it to some guy that was from my neighborhood and then he ends up getting caught with it but i found out he did and it was just a story and shit his family moved him back to his old city and I was just like you have any idea like if I sat here with you and we just sat here I can probably do a

20 hour podcast of all the people I beat for cocaine oh man like beat up or like mentally I know what you mean like hey homie I got you beat like I'll be back in an hour like what do you mean you're not going to front of the eight boy I know you're 10 years yeah I'll be back here 8 in the morning. I just got to cast this check.

It's at my grandmother's house. I don't even have a fucking grandmother. You know what I'm saying? You catch people at their weakest. And it's an addiction thing. It's not, does not mean you're a bad person? It's a drug thing. How many people fucking, how many kids,

how many, you know, you get horrible stories about crack. In the 80s, when crack first hit, people were selling their kids. It was fucking crazy. When crack hit, bro, I remember going to a neighborhood that was a weed neighborhood and going back at 84, 85, and

crack can't, and seeing vials and not knowing I was so, like, I knew what Coke was, I grew up around fucking coke. But seeing those little vials and going, wild vials on every street corner and puddles in New York and going, bro, what can I get weed? And they were like, there's no weed on who block?

Ain't nobody sleeping over here. And then, by 88, 89, you were just hearing some horrific stories about cocaine. And I lived it. I was up 60 grand, and next thing, I was down 150,000. And my phone didn't stop ringing, Jack.

My debts were... Jesus Christ, and I left Aspen, my debts were... Insane. So, you know, my friend asked me, who was the last time you weren't asked me? I go, right after I got separated. I took my car in 91, October, 91, maybe November of 91. I got in the car. And I said, fuck it.

Let me go up to Aspen and just get my head together. I was living in Boulder. I had a little accurate in Tegra. So you were living in Colorado Boulder at the time? I was living in Boulder. And I had left pretty much, I left Asper in the middle of the night, George. Damn. Like the thief in the night.

The cops watching me, I owed, when I tell you, I owed everybody. I was doing that scam where, you know, but I made you a lot of money, too. See, that's what people understand. At the end of the week, they all made money. Straight up. What I was doing was, I was getting an ounce for 800. But in Colorado, in those days, the ounces were $1,800. Oh, shit.

So that's $1,000 to play with right there. Think about it. And cut. Oh, yeah. And cut. All I had to do was take a plane and pick it up and bring it back. And I was getting like, the guy wouldn't even really wait. He'd give me 11 ounces, 12 ounces, for $9,500.

And I'd bring them guns. And I'd take the Coke and whack. with two ounces and bro by the time I got off the plane if I had 14 ounces nine of them were already sold so if I told you give me 1,500 I'm gonna give you back to 2250 at a 9 o'clock by 9 o'clock you had your ship but guess what I knew you were a fiend so I gave you the 2200 and then you give me back seven for a fucking cut eight you know what I mean exactly I knew the game so I get you in the So I kept doing this to people and I was making money George and George I can't imagine I was making money to the point where I was like I was getting I was snorting 12 grams a night of the good shit and still counting cash in the morning going Jesus Christ because if I took that Coke and cut it into grams and sold it yeah it would have been ridiculous it was ridiculous I would put bro my coke with what I was doing to it was way better than anybody else I had and I'd like

left a rock in that. Got you. You gave me 50, I always left 2.5 rock. The rest was shake, that was flake, and the cut was sprinkled in there, and you didn't know the difference, because once you crack that rock, it would overpower.

I still kept it. So I would throw nine on 28. Nine on 28 is what? That's nothing. That's fucking, and now you get $3,700 for an $800 investment. Yeah. Bro, I could sell 37 grams

and two fucking, hours and asked for them in those days and I had two dudes working for me car was everybody into it over there like was it the thing it was the 1984 was the cocaine capital the united states of america yeah you know it's funny I'm gonna end this I'm gonna end this podcast with smugglers blues and I was telling my wife because I heard it today and I was telling my wife that I remember when he mentioned tell you ride I was living in basalt colorado but every weekend the guys I lived with took a ride somewhere. Like to go pick up or to...

No, no, no, no. They were construction. One was a garbage man. Oh, I got you. We all grew up together. They were just three or four years older than I was. And I lived in the basement. I paid rent.

And every Friday, when they got home from work, we would pick up coolers and we would go somewhere. So one week and we went to Boulder. One weekend we went to Rifle. And one week and went to Telly Ride. Bro, teleride at that time was this big. as fucking basalt. The salt at that time was one street.

Oh, yeah? That's it. It was one street, and Goldie Hawn lived there. Oh, shit. And fucking her husband, the dude from escape from whatever lived there. It was just a small little fucking town.

Go to Basalt now. I don't even know. I can't imagine. I heard Carbondale is huge. You know, this is the shit I hear from people. But once he mentioned that song, at that time, Telly where I was a sleepy town.

And the rumor was that, They were getting the Coke in Miami, and how they would drop it off. Miami was in the mountains. So they would take a plane from Miami and drop it off in Colorado, because Colorado was right in the middle of everything. Yeah. You got Minneapolis, you got fucking Seattle, you got Las Vegas. So they were dropping it off in bundles on top of mountains,

and then they were storing it. And the rumor was, telly ride was the hot spot for it. Bro, I went to telly ride when it was nothing. I went back six years later, dog. fucking huge. And everybody was snort and coke just from that song. Fuck yeah. It was there.

Just from him saying they hide it up in Telly Ride. Wow. How was it? So were like, were there like just weed dealers in these small, sleepy towns in the 60s and 70s? And then weed, I mean, Coke and crack comes in and they just, they start hearing about it. So they start finding, they find some way to get it? Like, how does it, like, get it all over the country? You look at these shows, Narcos.

and you hear the numbers of what they were sending in per day. Fucking ridiculous. They were sending it in by the tons, Lee. I know. Yeah. 2,000 ton. No container. A town is 2,000 pounds.

Yeah, 2,000 pounds. That's a thousand kilos, so give or take, whatever, because it's a kilo is 32.2, which is something like that. Just over 2 pounds, yeah. Right, so 2.2 pounds. That's what a kilo is. So break it up. and you were selling that

and that was moving you know when I was growing up I lived in this area and it runs from 7th Street to 88th Street just in the 88th Street area I remember six dealers that were doing great

yeah I know a couple still and nobody competed with nobody everybody was making money did everybody have like their own block and shit no no no everybody had their own phone number oh okay and you called them and they made You went to school with them, whatever. You know, you had gone to high school with them.

And it was crazy. How quick it took over. How quick people became. Because once Scarface came out, it just fucked the game up, Jack. Everybody wanted it. Oh, my God. It's like when Colors came out. Yes.

We're going to do that now. Remember when Colors came out, the fucking cops went to the movie theater. Yeah? The first weekend. I never forget, I was out on bail. Look at the date of Colors release. Yeah. It had to be before August of 88.

I think it was. I was out on bail, and I went to see that movie, and the arresting officer in the case was playing security at the movie theater. No way. And when he saw me at the movie theater, he made like a face, and he was a tough guy. I'm like, fuck you punk. I got this case beat, bitch.

Yeah, but that movie, Pac-Man. April 29th. Of 88, yeah. I was out on bail, ready to get sentenced for kidnapping. Oh, wow. Ready to plea. And the guy, the arresting officer was working the detail at the movie theater. I went to...

What did you think of the movie? Colors? Yeah. I liked it. You know, we had them on the podcast. Willie Barsson had him on the podcast. Oh, yeah? The cop that that was...

Craig Hodges or the... The cop that that was based off. Oh, the real one. Yeah, the cop that, what's his name, wrote around with, to do the film... The older guy or the young guy? The Sean Penn Carrier. Okay, Sean Penn, yeah. Sean Pence, Carrie.

We had him on Felicia's podcast six years ago because he was friends with a dude Felicia was dating. Okay. He was really interesting. You know, what he was saying, what was going on in Ram. He was a, oh, fuck, yeah. I remember when Fly used to live over there? I lived off a rampart in Temple.

And we used to kick it over there, and it was fucking, it was scary. Dog, for me to say it was scary, it was scary. Like, everybody was shady. When the cops are shady, it makes the whole hood shady. Because you got to battle the cops now, and then all these other shady motherfucking enemies you got. I have never ever, like L.A. being itself, scared the fuck out of me. Like, when I came here in 84, I was 21 years old.

Wow. Washington and Vermont. My uncle still has a bar there on that corner. What is that? Like downtown L.A.? That's right before downtown, right before you on the way of the courthouse. Oh, shit. In 84, that was a fucking year.

zoo. And I'm a, you know, the biggest deception that you have, especially growing up in New Jersey of California, is everybody's a beach. Everybody's got a bikini on. Everybody's surfing. Then you go to fuck. And then you're on Burbank Boulevard and drive it on the other side of Lancashire. It's still 1964. Bob Hope is walking those streets. If you get on Burbank, you know, like if you get on Burbank Boulevard by Lancashim and you cross

Burbank, Bruce Lee walked those streets. In those days? That's all martial arts fucking on the corner that either they closed it or they're about to close it.

Gene Lubel is partners with that martial art supply store. It's the oldest martial arts supply store in California, supposedly. That one on the corner right there. We could walk from here. All we got to do is walk to Lancash and walk up across a block and have there's a Kempo school

next to it. It's a Mexican Campo school. The guys are great, but they teach in Spanish because everybody in that school is basically Spanish. Oh, okay. They're like, fuck. They're going to knock that all down, but if you walk up that block, you're like,

bro, this is 1940 here. Like, when I came out here and I saw Washington and Vermont, I'm like, what the fuck, California is this shit? Whereas the palm tree, when you get off the plane in Miami, there's fucking palm trees everywhere. on the fucking bike. When I was a kid, I used to land that night.

And just the drive, the smell, the sea air, the ocean, you're like, Jesus, I'm in the fucking ocean here. Where's Aquaman? You know, when you get to L.A., you land in L.A.x, and you get off and you make those turns, and you're like, what the fuck have I done? The first mile is beautiful. They got palm trees outside of L.A.X. But once you get to National and fucking Century, that shit, that McDonald's, on the corner there, that becomes real. They got, you know what's crazy, though?

The craziest strip clubs are right by the airport. That's when you're going to get your dick sucked. Everybody wants that last transportation. You know, I'm almost home. Bro, right there. I was sitting there one day on an Uber or a cab or and I'm at a light, and I'm like, bro, look at this down here by the airport. They got thousands of fucking things and strip clubs.

Yeah, it's the layover. I imagine the layover. Yeah, if you're playing. gets canceled, you know what, fuck it? Take me over there to the fucking biddy titty and shit. Yeah, man, strip club DJ lately has been fucking crazy, Joey.

Like, right now, all these clubs, dude, Trump has affected strippers. Like, all the strippers now, they got to pay taxes or become private contractor, independent contractors. So now they're independent contractors. It's like, no,

we don't work for them. We just borrow this facility. You know what I mean by that? No. Okay, so like, if you're a girl, you can come in and be like, all right, what's your contract? I have to pay this much if I make that much. And I have to work at this time. The later I show up to work, the more percentage I got to give.

So they're like, all, fuck it. I'll show up at 11 o'clock or 6.30. I'll pay 25% and whatever they make. So now it's their own company. They're their own company now. so they can report whatever they want to report because we're just renting out the facility to them all we do is charge 25% for you to come and work here

it's like Uber yeah so how does that affect you be the part-time it's kind of like uh I mean it doesn't it's actually better for me because other clubs would be like hey 50% off the fucking top really I don't give a fuck for you no for the club

So say a girl makes a thousand bucks If you make a thousand bucks where I work 20% You gotta pay 200 If you work at another club You gotta give up 4 to 50 So with me We take out less

But they don't have to stay Or do anything And Like these other girls They have you on schedule It's like look You work here five days a week The girls now

They can just be like You know what fuck it I'm only working two, three days a week. I'm a private contractor. I show up when I want to show up. I'm paying you to use your facility. You know what I mean by that? So, yeah, man, like it's been off and on.

And when you DJ at a strip club, it's kind of like coaching. Like you and this girl, you get close together. You work with each other. Now I'm working with chicks that want to run their own scam that they run at other clubs and shit. That whole like, hey, it's a two for one. I forgot to tell you. Like, what the fuck? What do you mean you forgot to tell me?

You could have charged that guy double. You know what I mean? So it's affecting the pocket, but it's cool. It's the strip club industry still as popular as it was. I mean, some places. It's always going to be horny motherfuckers. Yeah. I mean, there's always fucking crazy people.

But look, look, they got networks now, Joey. Like say me, you and Lee were purrs. They go to strip clubs. They go to this network. I think it's called Hit It and Quit It. and they tell you what, look, if you go to that club, ask for that girl.

And like, there's an administrator that they have to meet you at a club to let you in this fucking, like, network. And they're always at my club. They gave me a good review. They're like, the DJ there's cool, man. He don't trip. Because other clubs will trip if you grab the girls' tities

on the floor and shit or grab their ass. Us, we don't give a fuck. We're one of the oldest clubs. Go to this webpays. Let's check this out. No, we can't get in. You have to be part of them. You can't pay $8.99.

No, you got to meet the... You have to be a customer at the clubs that they're at, and they meet them. So, okay, so I walk into a strip club, and I'm there for 20 minutes, and all of a sudden some dude comes up to me and says, do you want to be part of a network? No way. He's going to have to notice you at all kinds of clubs. Like, you know what? I should hit up my buddy.

I'm going to... No, no, no, no. I don't want to meet nobody. No, you're not going to meet nobody. I want me, nobody. I want to know nobody. You know what I'm saying? I'm just saying, okay, so if a guy sees me at like three or four sclips.

He's a head notice you've been with lost her clothes. Yeah. What's up, doggy? He's like, yo, man, we got this little networking shit. That's not crazy. So you can save money. Check it out. This club does seven full new dances on a Thursday.

This one does five. This one does, you know what I mean? Like, you get all the deals. Every club is trying to outdeal each other. There's fucking club. in city of industry that are giving you four lap dances for 60 bucks

Joey where that should be four times four 160 you'd make at my club So they're fighting for a dollar Fuck, yes They're fighting for a dollar like everybody else That means they're giving hand jobs

Oh, they're doing that means they're fucking freaking I used to remember Rudy used to have a room He had a really fucking good room Rudy for about three months on a Wednesday night he had a room in City of Industry I'm it's coming to me remember and it was right in front of the

strip club it was in front of the Hawaiian theater it was in for no no no no it was in front of like a badass trip club think it was deja vu or a sin yes it was a badass high level if there's six chicks working seven of them are throwing heat nobody's pregnant

you know, everybody's... Joey, that's changed. There's like 40 now. 40 in there. They're all throwing heat. Oh, they're throwing more heat. Throwing heat at this place, guys. Let me tell you a fucking fucked up story.

Every time I went down there, I was broke as dick. But I know you came with the sack because I know you're willing and dealing. No, no, no, no, no. Listen to me. In those days, at my addiction at that point was everything I had, I kept from myself. All right. I only want to see your tenure for me is I going to give you a line. Yeah.

My addiction was out of fucking control, and I was broke ass. And Rudy would call me, and he'd give me the small 40, and they fed you. Oh, fuck. They fed you like a nice fucking meal. It was like an Irish pub. It had a little stage. Oh, I remember it now. All right, so.

Was it Casey's? Something like that. It was a, what, 40 bucks on the wind? Tuesday, Tuesday night, night off. It was an early show. It had to be done by 9.30. So, because, you know, he has to go to bed.

So he had to go to bed. Something happened. So I just started dating Terry. Oh, wow. We're dating about seven months. And Terry ain't stupid. She notices that when I got gigs, I come home and bust it.

So she's like, where's the fucking money at? So this one night, she goes, you know what? I'm going to take a ride down there with you. Oh, wow. So she takes a ride down there with me. She drove or you drove? She drove.

I had a bicycle. I had a fucking bicycle with a missing tire. What am I a fucking, you know? And I get down there with her, and there's 14 people in the audience. Excuse me. The next thing you know, something happens. Something happens. Some drunk dude is really digging me.

I'm working dirty. I'm working dirty. And we don't like when you work dirty. No way. And I'm fucking just going crazy on stage. This had to be guys 2,000. This is 17 years ago. Oh, far.

What I'm telling you guys, I didn't have a potter piss in the window to throw. I was minus 10,000. I was in deep debt. And I get there. And I'm picking up the small 40 from Rudy. But this dude says, don't get off the stage. and he takes his wallet and he throws it up at me. Wow.

And I grab it out of the air and there's a bathroom right next to the stage, right? So I do my material. And the guy's drunk with his friend and a bunch of people. And I fucking go walk. I get off the stage and say, thank you very much. And they go crazy. But right there, I go, hold on, I got to pee. I'm going to pee and I open up the wallet.

And the guy's got like fucking nothing but yardsticks in the head. Drain that bitch. And I took like fucking two or three of them. I put him in my pocket. And then he met me and gave me a hug. And I gave him back his wallet. I made a believe, like, it was in my back pocket where he wasn't on stage. I go, oh, shit, that's right.

I gave it to him. And I kept saying, don't open that fucking wallet. Don't open that wallet. And I looked at my wife, we got to get out of here. And we got in the fucking car. We got out of there. Nobody ever said nothing. Rudy never said nothing.

Nobody ever said nothing. Did she trip? Because you came home with a lot of money? Probably knows nothing. you know in 2000 2001 let me be honest with you you know when before you come to LA people always say to you you're gonna have to get a job as a waiter you're not gonna make any money let me tell you some guys I got a job here in LA and for the first six months but I think I was rocking and rolling if I would have been a

normal person like no addictions just paid rent car paying me and insurance. I could have lived here for six months. I'm not lying to anybody. No? As a comic, as a stand-up comic

because there was a ton of commercials. The first commercial I booked, I blew so much money, bro. I made so much money on it in seven or eight months. And then I blew it. You didn't invest it? You didn't hold it?

You didn't save it? Invested. I invested in Colombia. That's what I invested in. I invested in Pablo, Inc. Every dollar of that fucking... It was the first Taco Bell with the door.

I was getting checks. I didn't even have a bank account. I lived at Whitley in Hollywood Boulevard, the check cash in place. I know all the people in there. They would just cash my checks all hours of the night. Wow. But the other side of that coin is that people always will tell you

you're not going to be able to make a limit. Let me tell you something, guys. When I got here, I did comedy seven nights a week, and I'm going to tell you something else. a minimum of $25. And okay, you're looking at me going, Joey, that's no money. But you said there was no money.

Because after three or four months, like I got here January of 97, but by December of 97, I had an apartment. I was making a living off, $15 checks in the comedy store, the improv gave you $750, the laugh factory gave you $25 on Latino night,

and everything else was from Jeff Garcia, Willie Barsana, Felipe Sparza, the kid who became a born-again Christian, had rooms. I mean, the kid who still books rooms, great kid, I forget what his name, is Sebastian Satina.

Everybody had three rooms. I used to hook you up, too. Yeah, you had, but this was when, let me tell you something, they're begging for comedy up in Northern California, right? Oh, yeah. In between Los Angeles and, like, San Jose,

they're going crazy. You know why? Because 20 years ago, we were up there every other fucking month. And some reason, every promoter stopped promoting up there. Rogan just had like a third show in Fresno. No way.

Yeah, like that, the dog, it's crazy. There's nothing to do. There's nothing to do. Fresno, Bakersfield, Baker's Field, that's one of my best shows every year. The breweries, the best show I do every fucking year, one of the best shows of the year. Baker's field is weird, though.

People there, they look like they're on X-Game. and like ex-rials. They are. Who gives the fuck? They laugh. They come out and they have a great fucking time. Yeah. That fucking breweries right up there in Bakersfield.

There is a place out there in prison that is like they're not. With Oil Dell. Were you by Oil Del? Dog in prison, those motherfuckers are like if the hills at eyes, people. They walk around with no teeth fucking filthy. Oil Del. You ever been to Oil Del? I don't know.

California? Yeah, it's in Bakersfield. bro, I've been to some places in California that have been imaginable unimaginable to shoot. I shot a Snickers commercial one time three hours from here. I had never seen anything like that.

The hotel was an hour from the set, guys. And there was nothing but flat in windstorms. And it was nothing but fucking dirt, guys. When we were sitting in the trailer going to shoot, It was like the creepiest environment I was out there. Was it like desert?

It was somewhere fucking crazy. Probably like an indie. There's a casino that Montoya used to book. Years ago, Montoya, remember when they had the management group? Yeah. I think before you went away, when you got out, and he got clipped. Something happened over there.

His management group booked a casino. And it paid. It paid great money. Was it a New Mexico? No. It was no. It was four hours from here. But something again.

Casino Marengo? No, it was north. Okay. And they, I hear it once a year, somebody goes, I'm doing a show up there. I'm like, they still do shows there because it was. Chon-Chi? It was a four-hour drive, and the last hour was Hill. You don't see, no.

You don't see nothing. Oh, shit. Lee, you don't see nothing. Just old Indian? And all of a sudden, you see it. a light and it's like the Mad Max you know like the Mad Max movies at night how they're fought in the road warrior

like out of the distance you see like lights like people with torches yeah like that's how the casino was out there I think it's probably like when you're driving onto the reservation right yes I mean the last hour dog you better have a full tank of gas and you better not be hungry you better not need the shit because there is fucking nothing yeah they got a spot like that now called the Chonk Chonzie.

Andre Covington. Is that the name? Yes, he's always. He's cool. Shout out to Andre Covington. Hell yeah. He was booking me. And that's another one?

20 years ago. So like... Andre Covington has been... Excuse me. I've been here since 97. I think Andre Covington was giving me work in 98. He was a DJ up in Fresno. Still is.

He had the radio nation. You know, he had the comedy night. We were always up there. I just saw the guy in San Jose, the coach. He wanted me to do Cincoa, I'm already in Tempe. Okay. But he asked me, he goes, we're doing a benefit. He'll call me for the next one.

He used to book something at Bakersfield, the town next to Bakersfield. That was one of my favorite drives. When I had a gig up North, I knew one thing. I was going to get good tacos because he was a place off the off the, whatever North.

The 99 or the 5th, or the five something the five north you drive 45 minutes out of here you see that taco truck on the side of the road that's the one little chubby maxon doing his wife has always has the thing around there I don't know how many times I stopped in there over the years we used to do all those rooms I don't been driving up to with freddie sodo oh shit to do a room that paid Mercedes yeah like we would do that that was your once and those days days, I was going up north

three times a month. And it paid good, right? It was a great. You would drive Mike Marino had a room up there. Mike Marino? Five hour drive, deep into the heart of Texas. You got a hotel because it was fuck. Yeah, you ain't driving back. Yeah, you ain't driving back.

Fuck that. So, yeah, once you get to Cal, it's weird because when I first came to Cali, I was like, okay, if I could book myself in California, I'll just zip into LA. And this was way before they was fucking, make a turn in 30 miles. Yeah.

This was way before that shit. You had to use a Thomas guy? You had to use a Thomas guy to measure it out. And I remember like, fucking going, Jesus Christ. You know, I booked myself in Northern California. But, but this is still

five or six hours from seven hours from California. Like, why I need to be? It's a lot. It's a big-ass state people. California is a fucking long drive. Texas will kill you, but California is a long fucking drive. Yeah, it's way more traffic, more congested, and you run into crazy people the farther you fucking leave.

No, you know what I tell what I think, bro. Here's what I think. I think that driving is great. I love driving. I love driving. For years, I fucking drove. I busted my hump in a fucking B-210. I had a couple cars.

on the fucking road. But I will tell you something that no matter what your plans are, there's one part of L.A. that as soon as you get into L.A., bro, you could be 10 hours ahead of schedule and L.A. will fuck your shit up by five hours. Oh, yeah.

Like, I still remember one night doing a Sunday night show and having to shoot in L.A. from Tempe and I had to be on the set at 8 in the morning. You came from Arizona over here? Listen to me, dog. Damn.

I fucking drove. I got off the stage at Tempe. At what, what times the feet you get off? 8.30? And I went to a pizza place to get a slice and I hooked up with a chick. And we went back to a hotel. Can you believe this shit? This only happens when you're going to shoot a fucking TV show.

Yeah. This never happens when you have the day off the next day. I know. I remember going, I'm paying for a fucking hotel room. I could have stayed in the fucking condo. Why did I even get you? get back the fucking key. I can't even take it back to the condo now.

God damn it. And I left the room at midnight. Do you know I barely made it to the 7th and Tempey hours ago? And you're all drained? Bro, I got to this. I got to L.A. at 6. I was 40 miles out of L.A. It took like three fucking hours on a Monday morning.

That's happened to me before, man. I remember they used to have those gigs in El Centro or like Brawley? South Central Yeah By Mexico Fuck yes Oh Jesus Christ Yeah so we go do one out there

And this is I'm fresh off the MTV Your Mama fucking show So I got I'm young dog I got these young chicks out there I end up hooking up With the promoter's daughter

Didn't even know She was fine Go back to the room Fuck all night And I had to come home And I think I had to audition I had to do local comedy jam

from Mike Robles at the Ice House. And I was just a stand in. Somebody bombed and I got to get on. It was, I don't want to say his name. You know what I mean? But I think this is 2003, 2002, right? When they filmed local comedy jam?

Jesus Christ, I don't remember. How many times were you on local comedy jam and what locals? Bro, I barely got out of those shows. Yeah? They hated me. They hated me Dog on those shows. I could not

In those days I was too dirty for a Spanish audience. They were still Catholic, right? They were strong. With the Paioso. Now, you killed. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You look at that audience. You look at that audience

and you watch my face sweating. Cut to it, Lee. Paioso comedy slant Joey Diaz. You watch this. He just made it look. if there were 600 people in there, 300 people hated me that night and 100 were just sitting there going,

what the fuck is this? Alex Ramundo just went up there and did a great job. He danced with the mask on. Something had happened. And I went up there and just ate a bag of dicks. No way. I loved it. Watch it.

Watch it. I wouldn't lie to you. Oh, you want to watch it? I don't want to the picture. No, no, no. What are we talking about here, Lee? Paisal comedy slam, Joey D. Not really.

Man, that bong hit brought my toothache back. I'm telling you. That's the bong of dutch. Fuck, that shit is strong. What are you doing now? What do you want to do? Are you? I'm so comedy slam.

I don't have it. Wow, they took it down. Oh, that's the Gaborone one you did, though. You were sweating bullets in that one when you was wearing that suit. Oh, please. That's the most comfortable I've been. Yeah, you just look sweaty.

I was just really shocked that the guy gave me a shot. Oh, yeah? So doing showtime was way different from the Comedy Central one. I was a complete different person, man. When I did when I did Piazzo Comedy Slam,

I did not give a fuck. All right, see if you could be a chubby. You was chubby. Let's start it from scratch. Let me write it out for you. Well, no, no, I don't we're here. Let's go, Joey Diaz, in capital letters again.

We're adults here. Use capital letters, for Christ's sake. I promise you, it doesn't matter. Just, dude, please. Why don't you got to fucking piss me off all the time? He puts everything up there like a fucking half a MOOC. Joey Diaz, nice, capital letters. J-O-E-Y, capital, D-A-A-Z.

Come on, let's go. So you use Joseph? No. Joey Diaz, capital, P-A-Y-A-S-O, comedy slam. That's it. All right. Why you got aggravating? Exactly the last time.

Word for work. Scan down. Scan down. See what those they got on there. Why got aggravate me? There ain't one thing. It's the fuck another. Look at the laugh factor.

Oh, shit. I'm on that one. Getting ten points from my action. Maybe you go to the trailer. Go ahead. put the trailer on it. I guarantee I'm not even the fucking down, down, down, down the other way. Right there you go.

Watch. Click that watch. I guarantee I'm the least on the fucking trailer. Watch. They fucking hated me, dog. They fucking hated me. It was hysterical. I mean, I had a good time.

All I gave a fuck about was the $2,000. The check, huh? I had to make it back to LA by one. get my fucking Coke. Oh, wow. And we were, where did we do that? Sam Bernardino. Sam Bernardino.

And remember they gave us a hotel room and you guys? There was an after party. And then they gave us the Showtime wine bottle. What the fuck? I don't give a fuck about that. I gave that to somebody and I got my car. I got that $2,000 cash. I was part of my deal. I want cash. Don't even think about giving me a

check. I'll sign paperwork. But give me cash. Go ahead. On the next laugh out loud. George Ryan. Welcome to the Paiasso Comedy Slam. We are your Paiasos. For those of you that don't know Paiasso is a Spanish word,

which means clown. We know. For those of you that don't speak Spanish, I've said it before, I'll say it again. Time to learn, fuckers. By the way, just so you know, we have gone all across the country and we're bringing you people from all across the country in the first of a series called the Paiasso Comedy Slam. You're going to see some guys tonight.

From Los Angeles, California. Please make welcome. Mr. Eric Greer, A lot of fools grew up on this, though. Ugly chicks should not be able to dress slutty. Walk over like, hi, ma'am, hi. Yeah, I was standing over there and just wanted to let you know. Look how long Eric Griffin's been around.

Now he's on a TV show. Your vagina, boo, it's about to drop. I think it's fucked up. Edwin. Edwin? Vegas. He's a resident comedian. That's not right. Yeah, Baham. That's hilarious.

Latinos, you make fun of Asians. Don't act like you don't. Learn how to drive it, stupid. Asians, we can't drive. That's true, but at least we have car insurance. Don't get mad, remember? How many fucking one-nine is? No, you don't have to put this on no more.

Just turn this up. Fast forward it to Joey. He's the last stuff. No, no, no. They don't see this shit. Now I'm starting to get depressed and shit. They put me on like last. Go ahead, I guarantee. Yeah, fast forward in, fast forward.

He's after Jeff. After Rick. Oh, they put me, I'm telling you. There he is. Look at the size of me, Doug. Look at the fucking, no, no, just look at George Perez. Tell me, John. Slow it down.

What's the thing? Dange. Look at the size of me, Lee. What was the last time you washed you in that? What was it? You took time, you know what I'm saying? Scratch your nuts. Take a whip.

See, you're killing. No, that was somebody else's jokes. I'm bringing sexy, bad. That was somebody else's jokes, dog. I'm telling you, you have no fucking idea. They hated me. I went up there, and I was still hammered from the night before.

It was Thanksgiving. It was the Friday after Thanksgiving. And I was still fucking. up the night before. I went to bed like at 7 in the morning. When I woke up that day, all I thought about was that 2,000 fucking out. I didn't care about my material. I didn't think the thing was going to make it to showtime.

I thought it was just a blowjob. I didn't know what. It's not going to make it. But you did show up early. I remember you was like, I said in a fucking came early. You know, we had been lied to so much at that time. You know, by that time, I had shot 50 things that were going to be on HBO and showtime. Wow.

By the time I shot Paiasso Comedy Slam, how many fucking things do you think? Did you see what I put up the other day, Raphaelos Pizza? Did you see that video I showed it? Put up? I saw that. I put something the other day on Facebook.

Raphaelso's Pizza. Oh, yeah. You know, I shot 80 things that the dude already talked to the dude at HBO. They were going to go to any of eight episodes. We're just waiting. Come on down. do the first one today for free

or 200 or 300 you worked all day like a fucking slave and then three months later you got to call that do you know anybody at YouTube? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? You told me you new people. Next thing you know, your stupid thing is on fucking YouTube you did 22 years ago.

You know how many fucking things I did that were supposed to fucking be on CBS and NBC and you have no idea? In fact, I'm supposed to call this actor Ed Quinn And me and him did a fake law and order during the strike. The guys from Law & Order, SVU, got together and shot a miniseries. And you passed the picket line? And they were supposed to...

No, we shot it for something. I think we shot it for free. Oh, okay. It's the matter what you, you know, across the pickle line. I'm a union fucking delegate. I was like, danger, homie. I'm a union fucking delegate. So, no.

It was weird that we shot, and that was going to be in Lord Order. And about a year ago, I saw it on YouTube. Somebody sent me this and said, is this you? And I was like, how many fucking things that I do? Netflix has two things I'm on. Netflix, somebody emailed me the other day and said, Joey, I was watching something. And you came on.

Yeah, you're on one with Felipe where you play a cop. Yes. That's a horrid, horrid movie. That was a Nick Tutorial Specialty. Oh, no, you look like... You gotta bless Nick. You gotta bless Nick Taturo. Was he like a screenwriter?

Nick Taturo got these poor Filipino family that wanted to make movie Buck Buck. Because he don't give a fuck. Nick Taturo is a fucking savage. I will tell you that about him. That's what made me fall in love. And that's why I put him on the podcast. Because when Nick

is determined to do something he bites into it in New York style but there's always a by the way yeah it's always on your behalf but you're happy like for that movie we got SAG 468 a day oh wow 468 a day

what does that mean 460 bucks for 8 hours yeah 460 for 8 hours it's usual scale was like whatever scale is now and they feed you and all that shit they do the same scale it was only 469 a day I didn't even have audition. He told me to grow a mustache. So I couldn't grow a mustache.

So I had to put a fake one off. Did you trim it? It is just the worst thing you were to see. The director had a wig. I remember it now. Oh my God. The director had a wig. But it was mixed with his hair. And the wind was blown.

Another place where the wind was blowing. And there was a Nick Latour special. His whole family was in the movie, you know, the cousins. The Filipino family was in the movie. It was fucking hilarious. You know, like I said, he paid us. You know who I meant on that?

That was very nice. The best part about that whole fucking shoot was that I got to meet that dude that came out of prison on the Sopranos and caused a lot of problems. A Prio. A Prio? Not Jackie Appreel.

I don't know. Not Jackie. A Prio. but route again go to YouTube please why do you got to aggravate me

I give some shout that's why you go to YouTube look at Sopranos again Lafini's best scenes

let's give a shout out to my girl Lizzie DeRazzo having a hard time she wrote an article met it to BuzzFeed I retweeted

Rogue and everybody retweeted it how about Ty Galberry Nathan Cox Bird Snake Brown Chris Gonzalez Will Brown

down there And Sydney, Evan Mason, 32, and resilient castaway. I love you motherfuckers. Don't forget, stand up live in Alabama, March 1st, 2nd and 3rd. And then Lebedee Live in Nyack, New York, March 21st on a Wednesday fucking night, 8 o'clock, bitches. If you, right there, that dude, the seconds put that right there, that dude. This was the funniest thing I did. on this movie was I hooked up with this dude.

Oh yeah? He was cool. What was he? The producer? No, no, no, no. Who the fuck is yelling? Your tenant? Go fast forward there. This guy here was a bad. He's in some fucking old school movie, right?

They right there with the umbrellas. Click it backwards. Click, keep going. Right there, right there. Everyone's got a story about why they should go to the head of the line. I've been a line for 10 fucking years. My uncle's just asking for what my father would have given him If he was bossed when Richard got out of prison

And it had nothing to do with they were brothers He respected my father He respect Richard Those who want respect Give respect See, he just told you to shut the fuck up And he don't mean To go fuck myself

Him All right bro We spent three days together The first day he was talking about He didn't get high or whatever I dropped the medable on him I fucked him up. This is way before.

This is legal. This is when you didn't know for sure. Like how strong it was. Yeah, people put Xanax in him and shit. You were getting fucked up, Jack. I gave him an edible. He came back the next day. He's like, where do you get a medical marijuana license?

Oh, my God. Is that why he got killed off the show? Did he get him addicted to weed or something? He couldn't remember his lines anymore. Yeah, we got so fucked up on that set. But the director had the worst wig ever. But Felipe, the producer fell in love with Felipe, so he invested in Felipe's movie.

Okay, was he like a sheriff in that movie, too? Who? Felipe. Because he had a hat on too and shit. Yes, he was a sheriff in the movie too. It is the worst of Pico Alisa. It is the worst movie of, all fucking time.

But you know what? You guys would be good like in a cop dude, like a lethal weapon with you and Felipe? No. Who's he going to run after? I can't run nobody down. That's never going to worry. There's a scene in fucking lethal weapon

where he runs from Hollywood and Vine to the 101 in three minutes. Nobody can do that. We don't even escape or something. See, it's interesting that you live, like me and Lee, we're from somewhere else. So when you watch that, like we, I loved,

watching SWAT all those movies that they remade because they shot them in my neighborhood when I lived in that neighborhood. Like pretty women. If you watch pretty women now, you're like, what the fuck? L.A., Hollywood,

there's still places. That place ain't there. I don't think it's there. But that location is still, like everything's still, oh, there's a movie called Valley Girl. about a girl who lives in the valley and dates a dude and they go into Hollywood.

It's one of my own-time favorite fucking movies. It's a great movie with Nicholas Cage and the blonde chick disappeared. But if you watch it, they show places and you just, like DuPas on Ventura, which is under construction where they closed it down. I don't know.

It was disgusting. Like DuPas was fucking huge. It wasn't a club? No, it's like a breakfast place. But at that time, see if there's a clip for Valley Girl. See if there's a clip Valley Girl. There's, I've done the world, and where were you? I've seen the difference.

I got to see it. What year did it come out? Bro, 80 fucking two. Hold on a second. Hold on. Co-signed. That's a foundation. credit right there

little dropping foundation I'm supposed to look up Valley girl 1882 that's five

Lee that's five should I spell 1982 1982 L Joe yeah we're gonna just Valley girl

capital letters I'm going V A L-E-Y girl G-I-R-L and they'll come up like a song

or something. Watch. You don't even smell that fart. It was loud. Your bark was loud, but your bite wasn't vicious. I still got it, people. You know what I'm saying? Still. Still, I did that once. When I was a tweaker, this girl

was like send me your number. And I spelled it out. SEV-7-1. Okay, Valley Girl. Why is it Valley Girl? What the fuck? You know why it's belly girl. That's it right there with...

Yeah, Nicholas Cage, classic trailer. No, this is still one of my all-time movies, bro. There's like ten scenes in this movie that destroyed me. And the fucking father is the chef on Apocalypse Now. Oh, yeah? Yeah. He plays a stoner with the mother, and she's a hippie. and Nicholas Cage is fucking tremendous.

See if you get the volume on this, Lee. How long is it going to take to get to the meeting? What's the problem? You're in charge of the meeting. Look at all these places. That's the mall, Lee. That's the mall right by your house. Yeah?

Oh, yeah. Look at it. Yeah. Okay. Look at that, Lee. That's the fucking mall by your house, Lee. She's out there somewhere. This is the story of a boy from home.

Oh, my God. I get a moment. This is one of my all-time favorite movies. Do you what? Because they're from the Valley. And these guys are from fucking Hollywood. Look how cute this girl is. When I was 18, are you kidding?

This is my fantasy, guys. That I was going to come out here and meet a fucking regular white girl. Live a normal life and shit. And look at what. Watch Hollywood. Look at Hollywood. Look. Damn.

Look at Hollywood. Look. Like the girl from... Save the radio. Then they go to Hollywood. He takes a girl from... From the valley. From the valley to fucking Hollywood.

You know what I do. That's what I do to talk about. Yeah, you bring them down. Then they hated her. Her girlfriends hated her. She changed up on them? Because she changed. And the people who try to pull them apart.

Like, don't you have parties over there? Where? It is you? They're one of my all-time favorites. This dude was a big straw. Look at what they are, Sherman. For life? If you think she's confused,

you should see her father. I'm together now. Look at them. Be right there. That's the dude from a popper's a lot, though. I'm telling you, this is a good fucking movie, dog. Fuck, yeah. Julie's cool.

I'm going to watch this shit. She's from the valley. He's not. Tell me. girl. It looks like a winner. Oh my God. This is a fucking...

This is the shit. Is this in 3D? No, what your pace is. This is the shit, dog. Told you. Dan, the soundtrack looks bad as far. No, no. This is tremendous dog.

And it's getting better all the time. There's nothing you and I won't do. Are you fucking... Right here? Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. There's even movie club.

You want to watch it? No, I want to sit here and look at you. Yeah, I want to watch it. Damn. That hot dog on a stick. That's the fucking, that's where we go now, Lee. How many times have you been there with Paula? You know what's what I'm talking about?

I'm river side. That's where we go. That's where we go. I used to live. See? Van Nuys Boulevard. That's where the office at my house was. Are you really?

Like, don't be so greedy. Were white girls like that when you got here? This is 1980 fucking three. I got here in, oh, 90. Okay. 97. I can't even believe you could brag. I didn't even know girls talk like this.

I don't know nothing. I believe it. I believe the dog. I'm from Jersey. Yeah. This is my fantasy to come out here and meet one of these broads and hang out. And fucking go to the valley and go to Hollywood. They go to a bunch of fucking cool places, man.

And that's what happens. They go to the beach and she meets fucking Nicholas Cage at the beach and then Nicholas Cage won't leave her alone. He hooks up with her. She breaks up with a boyfriend. And then all her friends turn on her. The dude with the red shirt.

That's her boyfriend. With three little punks. Straight up, busters. See, but she dumps him for fucking... Look at his lame ass. So all the girlfriends are in love with the dude with the red shirt. What's my problem? Try two days and no phone call.

Look, I'll see you guys at the bus, okay? Okay, okay? All right. So all her girlfriends want to suck this guy's dick. She got the Woody Woodward pecker pin though, dog. I mean, she's a cute girl, she's a virgin. Here. This is what you want, see, she's done with him. Dang, gave him the bracelet.

Look at dog, look at dog, look at dog. Look at the devil's doing with the blue and white shirt. Who else is there? Or the Val dude can touch me. I mean, she must be really full. Must be really freaking out. This is crazy. It was Hollywood like the ghetto to the Valley?

I didn't live here. I don't know. It was like the Valley must have been. You know, I read something interesting the other day that one. They banned, what's the dude? I went to the one-man show. When they banned Lenny Bruce. From all the clubs.

In the Valley? No, they banned them from everywhere in the country. Okay, I know that. The only place he could work out was in the Valley. Oh. In the San Fernando Valley. How fucking weird is that? Like this is, there was a bunch of strip clubs up here.

And up here he could be liberal. You know, up here he could be free. He wasn't in Hollywood. He wasn't around up type people. Yeah. He was up here and he just, I just read this maybe on Wikipedia, maybe a couple weeks ago. No, no.

Last week I went to the one-man show. So it had to be a couple days after that. I was up late one night. I just read up about him. Oh, shit. So it was pretty interesting. The Valley was... I watched this when I was like 19.

And it was a fantasy of mine. Like, I think, I... At 19, there was no comedy in my life, George. Dog, that comedy was the least thing on my fucking mind that I thought about. I know. I know what you... I remember... You remember that movie just one of the guys?

You know who's in that movie? Uh-uh. My friend, Georgie Kalidensky. Oh, yeah? My brother. That was my movie where the girl fucking cuts her hair. becomes a dude and writes for the school paper. He has, they shot that in New Jersey

and he was in high school. Oh, they did? That was his claim to fame for about four years. Lee would have been that guy that brought the pets in the shower. That he had a scene in fucking, in fact, let's call him up and see what he says. Watch her, die. That's crazy. This is crazy. Watch.

Just to show you people, Uncle Joey ain't fucking around. Connected. Connected. Man, I'm fucked. up that shrooms was nice yeah no no when you smoke those shrooms it's a fucking killer that's a different high

look at Lee's looking at me all weird he took like 10 hits he never even knew he kept looking at the wrong hand you don't know I'm a magician from fucking death I had already mixed it in plus I put it some of the in the edible too I sprinkled this I stuck a stem in the edible you know you got to watch me like a hawk Lisa you know what I'm saying Yeah, man, this shit made my tooth hurt again, but it feels good. It was funny, Ollie Sidney's friend last night. This is a podcast, and it just got up and said,

Can't control those edibles, man. Can't control those edibles. Watch, we'll call them up and saying, he better fucking answer the phone and shit. None of them would be pissed off. He always answered. He'll be late. What time is it in here?

930. 9.30. It's 12.30. Easy that. Wow. Girlfriend's house. Fucking doing something you shouldn't be doing. I'll keep calling him until he picks up.

You know what I don't get me? Your phone has been forwarded to an automated voicemess. You better pick up that phone, cock sucker. Because I'm going to call you back. Here we go. Watch, bam. Boom. I'll call him too, though.

No, we torment this fucking life. He won't know what the fuck in him. See, Lee, this is old-school shit. Back in the days, you would call until a motherfucker fucking answered. I will fucking call you until I'll down 911 on your ass. You'll answer that door one way or another. You know what I'm saying?

That's how we used to get your attention in the old days. They didn't have fucking caller ID. No. Nobody had caller ID. What about that fucking emergency breakthrough? I've never used. Who use an emergency breakthrough? What's that?

That's where you pay the, like you push a special number. You call the operator and tell the operator, hey, I'm calling it. phone that doesn't have double line. So I need to do an emergency breakthrough. I guess they charge $5 to your bill. Oh my God. That was a long time ago. Yeah.

That's right. That's way before Lee's time. Lee wouldn't even understand that. So let's say you were on the phone with your girlfriend. Okay? And I kept trying to call your fucking phone and your phone was busy for an hour. And I was your dad's boss. I could call the operator and go, I need to do a fucking emergency breakthrough.

And you'd be talking to your girlfriend. Yeah, so maybe we'll go on Yelp and pick a Mexican restaurant. Let me tell you something. That operator would come on and go, excuse me. Is there somebody named Lisa Allen here? Yeah, somebody's trying to call your father. Get off the phone.

Yeah. And they would fucking call back and tell your father that they've been calling for an hour when you get your fucking ass whipped. Because the operator would throw you under the bus and shit. You think I'm kidding, you know? That's old-school.

Can you imagine up on the phone with your little girlfriend talking about sucking the ticks on Saturday after the dance and also the operator cuts in and goes, excuse me. That's old school shit. Oh, my God, I forgot all about that shit.

That's that original fucking stalker, huh? Emergency break through? I still remember going and paying the phone bill. I've done that too. In 19, I started paying the phone bill for my mother when I was about seven in Union City of the bar

phone bill I'd have to go around the corner and then sometimes she'd make me walk from north bergen up that hill to pay the fucking phone bill when it was close to a place called the four-star diner across from a theater I'm thinking of doing this is in jersey the future yeah in union city and I used to pay the phone bill there that was the weirdest thing and you got to go in there and get the longer cord like if you talk shit because the cords were look at us how free oh I understand you exactly So in those days, let's pretend I shared a room with Lee. I don't want Lee listen to my conversations with my girlfriend.

So I would take the phone, drag it as far as I could, and then I got a longer wire from the phone to the other end of the fucking connector. So I could walk 20 feet with it and talk on the phone so they wouldn't hear my conversation. How crazy was that? You used to have to get a long cord. I remember those. You know what I remember, Joey? Like this gentleman, like you'll never, you remember.

Do you remember a phone, Lee? Oh, yeah, of course. I had a rotary phone in my house. I'm not that young. I didn't know for sure. Yeah. The fucking operator would call. That's right.

Yeah, I remember when I would love my parents to take me to the bank to cash your check because they had a waiting lobby. They had crackers. Like the taffy crackers like cooking. Me being a Metska, I never had a cream puff before. Lollipop. Everybody had lollipas when you were a kid. If you walked into a business,

the other day I bought my daughter a jacket, the place going out of business on the way out. She goes, you're the daughter won a lollipop. And I looked at the lady. I liked the lady a lot. I really liked how she treated my daughter like old-school gangster. Yeah.

Like old-school gangster. Anybody could sell clothes. Anybody could sell you clothes. Have you ever been taken by a clothes? salesman. I mean, a real close salesman. I mean,

when he takes you to the point where you sign up for a fucking credit account. Like, bro, there was a dude one time that took me to the cleaners and I was so overwhelmed by him that I became his friend. The sad thing is I own

200 bucks since 1995, you've only turned my calls. I've been hunting him down for 20 years because he was a very, very, very dear friend of mine. And he sold clothes to you? He was a closed selling. And he was a Jewish kid from the Bronx.

Bronx. And he was the epitome of what a salesman was. Smooth made you feel good. You'll never understand what a real close salesman is. Like when I was a child and I came from, you know, and I lived on 205 West 88th Street, on 86th Street in Broadway there was a men's clothing

saw a shoe store called Briggs and from time to time as a goof my mother would take me in there to measure my foot and get shoes and there was an experience like it wasn't going to footlock when some kid just throwing six pen not paying six and a half in front of your feet

and you got to try them on it in the 70s they did everything for you They're like tailor measure. Oh my God. They sat down. First they got you up and they measured your foot. And they fucking took your dead fucking sock off. And they put like a party sock on.

What Spanish people call party socks to the thin sock. Yeah. And then they took different shoes out. The guy would come back with 18 pair of shoes. He was going to sell you something. Yes. But when you got up, how he put the shoe on, how he used the shoe horn, to look, his touch.

I remember that. How he would say to you, you look beautiful with that shoe on, and you ended up buying one shoe, but he ended up buying three because he's a salesman. He knows how to make you feel well. So I go with my daughter to the park,

and we meet up with my friend, who I'll see tomorrow at ballet, and then every Saturday is what I do. I take, you know, and we take them to a park and they play, and then we're going to eat somewhere, and we hang out. So we went to eat pizza,

Afterward, I wanted to eat a yogurt, and I went and got a frozen yogurt because you could put a bunch of fruit in it. And you can feel full for weight watches, so I went to the yogurt store. And that's what I do. I got like a little tiny beer of yogurt, but the rest is strawberries. I don't get a lot of the, and the bananas are fresh. I get bananas and I mix it up. I love bananas. All with yogurt and fucking just a plain, low-fat yogurt.

Have you ever gave me a cascaron? A cascaron. What's that? I think that with the. Cubans fry the bananas? Chichong is a fried pork. A toctong. Yeah.

Toctong is how Puerto Ricans say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's had fried bananas. I took him down there. He's lost his fucking mind. He's had Cuban food down there, a little Colchinito. You know how I do. What are we saying?

We were talking about the salesman. How he got you shoes? Then he would put your shoe on with the best of a sense. This is what happened. Like, my daughter. is five. You know, we're eating yogurt, and I see it looking at that.

Now, every time I go to that yogurt spot, it's at night. When I get bored at night and I got points left, I go over there, so I fill up at about 8 o'clock. I just take it right over there stoned. I double parked the car by the house. And I go in there, and that place is open to 11. I didn't know that to lead on me.

But when you go in the daytime, there's a woman's clothing store there. But half of it is for kids. And I'm talking about badass shit, like just banging. Yeah. So we're sitting in a yoga. She knows, Dad, look at that jacket. And I look and I go, holy shit.

That's a badass jacket. And she goes, when we finish the yoga, can we go in there? Like, oh, yeah, we go in there. And we went in there. And, bro, she went in. And the lady fucking got up. And instead of coming to me, she went right to my daughter. That's the sales.

She goes, how are you doing that kind of? fine. Yeah. She goes, is there anything you're looking for? My daughter goes, that jacket. It was quick. Are you watching like an event? I'm watching this whole interaction. How your daughter's acting? Yes. My daughter comes in,

dressed to the nines with a ball arm, you know, looking beautiful what she does with that little look and the lady came up to her and she just made her feel like usually mercy will stand next to me. and look at me, not this time. Mercy looked directly out of it. She goes, how are you doing today good? There's something I could show you.

She treated mercy like an adult. Yeah. Something I could show you. And Mercer was like, hmm, that jacket. And she goes, okay, come with me. Let's take this jacket off you first. Oh, my God, you have such beautiful hair. Let's push it back.

Ah, yeah. And she walked her over and she took the jacket off gently like it belonged to her first. fucking princess like she lifted it off yeah are you ready are you ready and mercy was like yes yes yes yes and she goes hold on let's put it on in front of the mirror that was it yeah they don't do that at marshals no way they don't do that nowhere do you understand me now i'm standing there right now i have an anxiety at times this is it this is the beginnings of how it starts Now, the only reason why I went in there

because on the sign, the place is going out of business and I know it's 50% off plus I can negotiate. Oh, yeah. Which I never do, but if I had like 60 bucks cash in my pocket, right? Like, I expected it to be like fucking 80 bucks or something. And sure enough, there's one of those three-way mirrors. She put the jacket on Mercy, then she took her hair,

then she locked it up on Mercy, And it fit her like a fucking glove. Fitted. With a little fucking button on the side. Did you see it? No, I haven't seen it. He's fucking beautiful. So she puts it on.

It's a mink, pink mink. Oh. Like a princess thing. It's beautiful. And she goes, what do you think? And Mercy looks at her. She goes, I'll take it. No, she did.

She did. That's how easy it was. And I looked at her and I go, are you sure this is what you? you want? And she goes, yeah, do you think mommy, like, you know, she worked me a little bit? Do you think mommy? I go, mom's not going to say, you know. We're just telling you need a jacket. They go see grandma, you know? Yeah. And she goes, yeah. That'll work. They go, is there anything else? Now, there was another dress over there that I knew fit and was

gorgeous. My daughter looked at it. And she goes, nope, I'm good with the jacket. The lady pushed a bunch of buttons, bro, was $38. I spent $38 on stupidity every fucking day. Straight up. The lady looks at my daughter and she goes, it's hot out there. Do you want to wait out? My daughter goes, yes. The lady looks at me she goes, good choice.

90 degrees. And here's my daughter, that's fucking mink on him. Walking around like Elizabeth Taylor up in the fucking valley on fucking Burbank on the Low Canyon Boulevard. We walk in the house. my wife tries to like Scareer like boo and she goes well I was like boo what do you have on she was looking at my new jacket to go see grandma my wife just looked at me like Jesus fucking Christ

and the type was 38 fucking dollars and the lady gave her all the attention in the world and as we're walking out the door she was excuse me young girl do you want to lie about and she looks at me she was that guy on her yeah I'll take a lot of her And she walked up to her And she gave her a lollipop And I go give her a hug

And she gave her a big hug Solid Solid She walked out of like a little young lady How she's supposed to act Yeah Listen I was learned I was taught to interact

Early young My mother made no No distinction of that shit I had to act Because I was always around Adults I know what you mean I was always around adults

At that age My father had died When I was five Like I was watching Bronx tale Fuck. Two weeks ago was on AMC three times and one week and I kept watching it. And I still remember like being a kid

and walking to the corner to get an Italian ice and being five. Like would you let your kid walk 50 yards on Tremont Avenue in the Bronx in 1968? This is 19th. They knew who you were. They didn't know who the fuck I was.

I was just a little fucking scared kid with a dollar bill in my hand running. My mother would sand there and go run to the corner get the Italian ice and run right the fuck back. Don't make you fucking want to catch you. That's a training. She was exactly doing what you're supposed to do. Hey, I'm watching.

If someone comes, I got your back. But besides that, go get that shit. Come to me and tell me, would you take your daughter right now? No, not right now. But in our time... It doesn't matter. We're boys. I'm petrified.

Yeah, my mom was like that. No, no, no, no, no, no. My mom would have done that with me whether I was a boy or girl. Yeah. No, my mom. Yeah. They believe. you've been toughening you up at an early age

and making you the value of money like she knows. Something happened and I told you got to work three hours and guess what? She's been asking me lately. When can we go to your office and do the work? I'm in here and just fix the albums and pages and pictures for the wall.

Oh, fuck yeah. I got a 10-year-old Joey and she's getting at that age now like we went to Target and she wanted these overalls that were kind of short and shit. And she looked at me and she goes I don't think you're fair I'm like what do you mean I'm not fair

she goes you asked me for my opinion for how I want to style myself and you know what? Me not being understanding I said you know what we're not going to hear none of this shit no more let's go we're leaving so we're waiting in the Starbucks line

and I try to give her a hug Joey and she brushed me off like get the fuck off me and it hurt I was like what's wrong and she goes you still think I'm five and I was like what do you mean she's like you don't let me be

I'm gonna be in sixth grade next year. Look, show me pictures of her friends with the shorts on and I was like, all right,

cool. I didn't know my daughter was slick like me dog. They were the shorts like, you see how my shoes

they fold over? Yeah. She tried to fold them up two more times to make them shorter like her friends and shit. And the teacher called me up.

She goes, Hey, I know how you are. She wore them to school but she had a backup pair of pants in her backpack. That's what pissed me up. I go, hey man, if you were down to wear those overalls with no backup, I would have believed it,

but you knew what you were doing was wrong. Why did you bring the backup pants? Like, you know what I mean? You left the house with those pants and then you put those overalls on. It fucked me up, dog. It made me think like, damn, who's my daughter trying to impress out there? Is there another sixth grader and shit? Is there full?

So I just had that crazy talk with that let me know how guys are. I said, look, you're damn. Daddy was one of those bad guys. I know how we are. You have to protect. It's crazy, dog. She's tan. I'm flipping out.

Is that the age? I don't know what the age is anymore, you know. Yeah, she has a cell phone now, all that shit. It's a different world out there, you know. It is, the pressure. It's a different fucking world. I can't imagine. I cherish the days I have with her now.

She's five. Oh, yeah. That's why I work the scale. that I work. That's why I act how I act. When I put the commitment I can into it, I try to make these events. And, you know, they switched them. They called me today at five to switch my day tomorrow.

And I said, that poor best. I said, do what you need to do, but I got to be up here by 415, you know, to take this fucking, to this ballet thing. That's what's up. That's what's so. Tuesday, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, if I'm in town, this is what I need to do. And Saturdays, I need to give my wife a break. Plus, I need to see her on Saturdays.

Hell, you get your own run. Four little hours, three hours, you know. And, do you know, let me tell you something. I was wiped out this Monday. I kept thinking, God damn, I'm getting fucking old. But I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I spent, like, Sunday. I fucking took a nap, and I woke up at four.

and she was right there waiting and she goes, Daddy, are we going to go to the park? And my wife died of laughter. Called you out. So I took her to the park and we walked. I go, let's walk. Fuck it. You know, I'll get some weight watcher points.

I just walked with her. And I got to the park and there was really no kids there. So guess what? Guess who has to pick her up 18 times? Yeah. And put her on the zip line. And God, she's not Lee. I couldn't be able to fucking walk if I had to pick Lee up

and put him on the zip line. then you got to push them on the double barrel swing when they get their buddies to do it. Bro, I was putting the tens on my back every day, the last fucking, this morning I had a month. It's grinding it off. Because it was too much.

Push them both. It's fucking, if you come to me and say, what would you rather do, go to Jitia to two hours to spend four hours of your daughter at the park? You're thinking about that. Yeah. You're 55, right?

Yeah, 55 on Monday. 50 fucking five. Damn. So I'm trying to recover my body. No matter what I do, whether I go to Jiu-Jitsu or do kettlebells or whatever, I got four days a week in me. Yeah. Maybe three.

Like last week I worked out five times and I'm going to pay for that. Not this week, but the next. So maybe like when I go to Denver, I just do body weight shit because you can't breathe anyway. Get it out. You get it out. Plus, I really got people that. they're planning an assassinating Lee like that like this. We're going to get released some fucking animals.

Some American Ninja tribes. Lee has no idea what he's going into next week. Lee has no idea. Hey, Joey, you know what I notice in my 40s, man, that like in my 20s and 30s, I slept a lot. And I'm not sleeping as much as I used to. Like this last night, I had a dream. and when I woke up from that dream I carried into the same dream

twice again dog and it was I rented out my back house to a pastor I didn't know he was a pastor and he found out that I was fucking strippers and smoke a weed in my house

and that full ran through my house so I went back there and I shot his family up it was a dream you got problems I hope that's a podcast I hope your probation no dog

but I kept waking up and going back into the dream it was weird shooting him again and again Yeah, it was like Don't tell me how to live my life Yeah You know what I had last night

We got fucking high last night And for some reason I got fucking higher What? I had to fucking I went I went crazy I bought this box of weight watcher Protein bars

Did two points a piece I ate the whole fucking box I got so fucking high And then I just did some crazy shit last night Like last night, I was out of my mind. Like, I don't know. I don't know what the fuck was in those

out of those last night. I was like, I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. I went to bed. I was so high. It means like eight times the recommended dose and what is what happened? He got to take a chance. But I went to bed and I had restless legs.

Oh. Your legs can't put it. My legs kept fucking going crazy in the middle of the night, dog. I couldn't keep him still. I fell asleep on top of my bed On top of the sheets Backward with the lights on I just got home

And fucking past that Oh my God I had a fucked up day yesterday in Hollywood I did the Stellar Adler Theater they put a show there It was dope packed Killed Did 20 minutes killed

Came outside I thought I was smoother than the motherfucking parking attendant They told my car I was like Oh my gosh God. So I asked us, you know, you know, security guards always show up after your shit get towed. He came out. I told you not to park there, dog. I was like, homie. You didn't say shit. I even asked you if he was cool. He's like, I thought you was in the white one. You look like you have that car. That car you got told me told me, I went to the fucking tow station. Was it off a millstone or something right here? Right there in Hollywood? Yeah, 10, 15 millstone. Yeah. I called them. They're like, your car's not even here yet. Like, I missed it by five minutes. 282 to get my fucking car.

Then I go to the comedy store because, you know, I need a drink. I need a fucking... I almost got a shit towed again, because I was so heated. I forgot to pay the meter. Oh, my God, George. Yeah.

And then I had that crazy dream about killing the priest that lived behind me. Yeah, it's time to go to talk to somebody. Maybe he'll give you a number. No. I don't even fucking dream.

I get so high. I go to sleep and I wake up and I realize what the fuck am I? And what do I have to do? Do I have to get on stage tonight? Am I running late for a comedy show? I get so fucking high sometimes. Yeah, as I said, were you like that in the old days, Joey? What do you mean?

Because I remember sometimes they'd be like, hey, dog, Joey might not remember. If he's sleepy, he'd be like, fool. I forgot to remind him, me. I don't know if he's going to come tonight because he forgets. Would you forget to go to shows because you were so fucked up? No. It depends on how my day went. Okay.

if I had cash. Oh. If I had a check in the mail, like for 300, from residual, and it was Wednesday, and you had a gig for me in Orange, and it was $20. Yeah.

And I already got my Coke for the day. I wasn't showing up. I had done this shit early. Something was going to happen. Dog, you're not going to believe it. I got a flat tie on my car. A tree went down in L.A. and shit. The best driver got pulled down.

My cocaine used, made me so independent. Like the 2005 to 2007, the shit I was doing was just... Did you ever feel like... You know what I... You know what fucking made me stop a little

as I felt a heartache come, a heart attack come, but it was like I had... My heart was hurting, but then I could feel like my kidney mad at my heart. Like, hey, bitch, I'm more fucked up than you.

Why you want all this attention? Like, do you ever get those sharp pains? I was getting them in my spine. in my neck. Okay, like, what's that from? That means something's coming down. Keep doing what you're doing, and this is not going to be good. Okay. That's your body giving you a warning before you wake up in the hospital one day,

and then, like, you OD or you had a mild heart attack, or you had a heart attack, or you had a stroke, or, you know, that's what that is. It must have happened four or five times to me. Yeah. Like in the problem. Yeah, like once you Took the day I went to work out I was hitting the bag and it was early

I'm working on I'm working on I'm working on I'm doing what the guys telling me to do it and there was a point there That I was like, whoa whoa, whoa, hold on one second I felt shit missing beats Yeah And I just walked and breathe and focused on my breath You know and I When I was doing drugs there were nights

I don't mind I was gonna fucking blow up I fuck yeah dude I know that feeling you hold it too huh you're even holding it you ever been in the bed laying in the bed

the whole bed is vibrating from your heart I've been in the bed you have no idea what it's likely to lay in a bed and the bed is vibrating from your heart

yeah and your heart's going oh my God you're right on boom boom and it's fucking pounding in your chest your dick can't get hard

You're fucking higher than fuck You got another two or three grams of living room You got another quarter ounce in the car And you ain't stopping your heart is fucking pounding And it's telling you another one And you're trying No, you're smoking cigarettes You're up there you have no idea

I was laying on a blanket on the floor And I thought that I was on a bed and it was pounding Like the blanket Made me feel like I was on a bad pounding scary shit so what do you got going on g man uh we really scared these poor people

they're supposed to tell them prison stories and we didn't say one but who does the fuck we had a good fucking time you drank a modello hell yeah chelada you got to see your boy lee fuck yeah he got to smoke some mushrooms and shit now right

we're single he's fucking done that's it he's slinging dick and giving our chalk of buzz he's got a hot day tomorrow I heard through the great blind that things are happening. That's what's up. I wish. He's going to his show in Venice.

You know what? Let's take him to the strip club. Tonight? Not tonight. No, I'm too fucked up to go. Hold on. There he is. Yo.

Yo. Yeah, dog. I got a guy here that's saying that one of his favorite movies growing up was just one of the guys. And I told him that that was your big screen debut and shit. You know what I'm saying? No. Baby, it's you.

Oh, baby. you. All right. Sorry about that. I thought you played I thought you played you. You see what I'm saying? I'm over here trying to promote you. Get your movie and shit. And you got to fuck it up with baby. It's you, cocksucker. I didn't get any credits in that one. That's the one I played

the pizza delivery guy. And which one? None of them. What was it? What was? Who's in baby? It's you. I thought you had a scene with Robert Downey Jr. Robert Downey Jr.'s first movie. Right, and you did an A ball with him, then you went to the strip club, and he bought you a cheeseburger. Wow.

Yeah? Vincent Spanel. A good-looking dude. He was also another... Alphabet City. Look at George Kaladinsky dropping knowledge on a fucking... What's the name of the framing company in Cliffside Park? F and D frames in Cliffside Park.

If you need your framing done, they got a bunch of Joey Diaz memorabilia in there. If you could call him on the fucking hotline, ask for George. He's got merch for you to buy. He's got shit from the longest yard and many other sets that I burglarized. All right? Right there.

You don't have to go to eBay or nothing. George got the goods. And if he ain't got him, don't worry. He'll get them. George's going to have 18 million voice meals. Who gives a fuck? Mind your business for you. I'm trying to blow him up here.

Like I thought I would. All right, I'll call you the mama, brother. Stay black. Love you. All right, bye. Hey, I would have called you back too. Like, yo, dog, what's up? It's late.

I know you call. Oh, no. You got to call people late and let them know. You got to keep them in check from time to time. Late early. I call my buddy fucking, the one that stutters. I usually call him at this time of the night to wake him up. It's hysterical.

He just stutters his way into your fucking heart. Tell me this. This mama Luke called me. Jesus Christ. So I saw that in August. You're doing the fucking jam. fucking sky i'm doing a funk fest in august at the anaheim honda center that's saturday august fourth i'm doing it with george from curious entertainment it's going to be morris day in the time the barcaze

dasband confunction climax original marriage are you hosting it i'm hosting it i'm emceeing in between in between god everybody does two of songs yeah no they do know they do like eight and if you only have two you go in the beginning. A lot of them, like Howard Johnson, Sky, Evelyn Champagne. Yeah, Sky's got two jams.

Yeah. Champagne got three jammer. Yeah. It's a shame. But you know what they do now is they sing other people shit. I don't want to hear that. Why are you bothered me for?

I'll get a league all fucked up and he can sing me a bunch of songs. Also, February 27th, I'm at the Brea Improv Headlining with Sam Tripoli. This is what I'm talking about. We're just talking about two guys that don't quit, that you're the dude. That's why I love you.

No. That's why I'm happy. You can show up on the show tonight. Not only that, tonight's the first time, I get to introduce Vincereo watches to my audience. Listen,

you know I don't show up with the fucking Fugazi shit here. Everything I try to run to you people, I try to check them out, see what's going on with them. You know, Lee does a little background check the best that we could do.

Lee will do a little Lee help review and they'll tell me what's going on. and this watch impressed the hell out of me. Like I said, people send me stuff all the time. And when I opened this watch and I looked at it, at first I got the gorilla wrists. So I needed a bigger band.

And guess what? Vincereo sent it to me with no problem like two days later. So what I did was I put one band on one watch that they sold me and I put this metal watch on the silver on white Vincereo. I love it. I love it. And you guys know I don't wear a watch. It was time for me to be a professional.

I got 20 watches now. This is the one I wear from now. And Lee, have you seen anything else on me since I got this watch? You know? Why? It looks good. People have been complimenting me on it, and it's just a nice watch. It feels great.

It's comfortable. I like your watch too. Thank you. I don't know what it is. I don't know what I pay for. I don't know what you pay for. I don't care. I'm just telling you, if you're looking for a watch,

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while still giving you an outfit that's distinct. It's unique. You look that ensure you get compliment by people, and that's why I'm wearing the watch. That's why. Like I said, I picked out the white on white. My personal favorite, though, is the black silver because you can wear with anything. From really casual clothes to street wear.

Watches like this, they retail for 500. These Vincereaux watches, they started $150. They have over 6,500 5-star reviews and another 400-5-star reviews on Amazon. Well, they partnered with class factories and only manufacture in small batches so that you get ethically produced products subject to rigorous quality control standards. Listen to me, I'll tell you this. This is an ad, and I really enjoy wearing this watch. That's why I'm bringing attention to Vincereo. So whether you're attending an extravagant E3 gala or whether you're going to a Ducu premiere,

Vincereo has the versatility that you need. There's a discount code, guys. Vincereo's great quality. It's an incredible watch. Wear them in the presence of your wrist. These little watches, they rock. Don't just get a watch. Elevate your game.

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For the second interview, you've got to switch it up. So people see that you're a classy guy. Now, you don't have to $3,000 to throw away on a watch. And I'm not asking you to draw. That's why I'm directing you to. Getto watch.net right now. Like I said, Vincereo's going to give our church the family, 15% off the entire purchase with promo code church at checkout.

Please go to Vincereo watch right now. Right now, go to get the watch.net and take a look. I'm not kidding you. It's a great deal. on these watches. All right. I want to thank George Perez. I want to thank my man Lee Syatt. I want to thank Vincera Watch at getto-watch.net right now. And I want to thank you people for being a great audience and from letting us come into your fucking homes once a week and torment you with sickening and disgusting fucking stories. That's what I love about. You

people got heart. You're the last real Americans. You like the rest of these whiny motherfuckers that pop up with a story every four days about something that happened. Who gives a fuck? The people are fucking dead, but now you got to speak your peace to me. Get the fuck out of you. People who listen to this shit, you people are normal people. Who gives a fuck? Stay black.

Uncle Joey loves you. I'll see you in Denver. I'll see you at the Ice House. I'll see at the Comedy Store Sunday night. I'll see you in Denver next week. And then I'll see you fucking savages in Alabama, the K to 10 planet in the house. Second show Friday night, 915 show. Look at Lee's face.

He's fucked up how I like it, baby boys. Have a great week, all right? Stay black and most importantly, happy Valentine's Day. Have a great weekend. I'll be in touch via fucking Periscope. Go to joey-deas.net for church t-shirts. I love you.