The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #560 - Cory n Chad The Smash Brothers

Episode Date: February 19, 2018

Cory n Chad, identical twin brother comedians who are known as The Smash Brothers, seen on Showtime, join Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Vincero Watches - Dont just get a watch, elevate your game and get  a Vincero Watch. Get yours at getthewatch.net and our listeners get 15% off when they use promo code CHURCH.   MYB Casino - Go To M-Y-B-casino.ag  and triple your bankroll with their 200% sign up bonus. Use code Church 200.   Onnit.com - Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 02/18/2018.  

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and they dropped them off at... What's his name? Harvey's house. Oh shit But I'll be 55 tomorrow About the time you're listening to this Uncle Joey's getting old cock suckers But I'm still hanging in there

You know why? Because I got you motherfuckers That's why Welcome to the church Of what's happening now Oh shit Please, the only guy that goes to Florida And comes back without a sunt tan

This is what I'm talking about guys I came back Taylor actually I'd be at the beach But that's BF number two You know what I'm saying What? Fuck no Lick that meal

Lick that meal Can't go for being What the fuck Finally my brothers Yes The best looking twins on the business Cory and Chad Welcome to the show

You guys hit me up a few months ago And I'm like how the fuck am I gonna figure And how to get these fucking motherfuckers on the show You know this ain't no Who's your father type show Yeah I'm saying like Hold on one second

We found your fault Well, if you find him, tell him he owes his money. Wouldn't he be fucked up if you had different fathers? We don't even know who he is. Like, Corey, you are Corey's father, but not Chad's father. Yeah. And we got the Christ killer fresh from hanging out three days with his dad. Absolutely.

Always a good deed. You deposit a coin in a karma camp. A karma bank when you do that type of shit, it seems like a $600 out of your pocket. But in reality, you're getting to spend time with your dad. A lot of people don't have that. that privilege. So that's why I always urge people if you have time to fucking,

if your dad's all, go down there, pick his brain, write a book. The guy's sitting at dining and talk to somebody and you're here fucking around with your friends at Starbucks. The most interesting person in your life

is sitting on a couch by himself with a diaper with some Nicaraguan chick chase his fucking diaper. Go down there. Get him a chick, get him a handjob. You know what I'm saying?

Be a good son. What you say? Imagine being like 80 and your son bringing you a chick to suck your dick that's like 24. Instantly. You would just look at your son and go like, I love you.

Yeah. I always knew. I knew you were my favorite. Last night, and I'm very sorry for doing this, I put up a show and I told people it was my 50th birthday. So people have been confused for three days. The reason I had that show at the Ice House last night because it was Ralphie Mae's birthday. And I wanted to celebrate Ralphie Mae. But I didn't want to put it out there and had people show up with tears and comment. that, you know, don't know nothing about nothing.

So the first person, people I thought it, was Corey and Chad, because I wanted to give you a different perspective, the professional comedian. I know what Ralphie meant to these two fucking guys. These two guys would take a bullet for Ralphie. You know, look what happened in Florida. God bless these kids sold, those three teachers that were shot. They got in front of those kids. I knew teachers like that.

Yeah. And I know who are my friends that would do that. You know what I'm saying? I mean, who would fucking grab me and turn around. Last week, my daughter was in the park, and she was with a girl. And she ran and a girl fell, and my daughter kept playing. I went and grabbed me. I go, listen, go back.

And she goes, well, I'm playing. I go back for your friend. Lesson number one in life with your friends. Always go back for your friends. Have to. Go back. If he's getting the beating of his life, jump in, if he's getting arrested, at least let's figure out how to get him out already with no drama without a pinch.

You know what I'm saying? Let's figure out how to fucking, if it's murder. Let's figure out how to sabotage. the car. And if it's license plate, something stupid, let's go somewhere, we got bail ready to go. By the time he gets to court, we're already in there with the $50

bail guy, you know what I'm saying? Whatever. Always go back for your friends. And it's so weird that in this business, we have acquaintances, we have friends, and then we have brothers, and then we have mentors. Yeah. And I think Ralphie was that to both of us. Oh, yeah. For sure. As

older, as I was a lot older in Ralphie Mae, but I learned many things from him. You know, you have a privilege in your life. You got to learn from one of the best. You got to go on the road with one of the best, and so did I. I got to go on the road with Joe Rogan. The education is invaluable. Right.

You know, tell us from day one, how this relationship started. We met Ralph. Welcome to the Mike Cox, look. Yeah, we met Ralph at the Hollywood Improv. We were sleeping on the street. streets to do Last Comic Standing. And we met him, but we didn't really talk to him. And he walked by us and asked us what we're doing.

It was like four days before. We wanted to be number one in line. So he goes, hey, fuck that. Someone will hold your place. Come in and do time. Don't be out here in the cold. And he put us on his show. And then afterwards.

Yeah, which we needed, he critiqued us and basically told us we weren't ready for that show. And which was the best advice because we weren't ready for the time. We still slept on the streets and still found out we weren't ready for it. But it started from there. Yeah. And he educated us right from that point. And then next time he came into Brea or maybe Ontario or improv here in Southern California, we got to open up for him. And then that relationship got built to where fast forward to just two, three years.

And then we were on the road with them full time. Full time. Yeah. You know, living with him on the bus. And you were there when he was selling our theaters. Oh, we would do theaters. We would do, you know, Boston, that Wilbur, that big son of a bitch. We would be there, do several shows.

Yeah, Milwaukee, the Papps Theater, all the big giant, like historic theaters that, you know, more than just a two, three, four thousand seats. And then Ralph would sell them out and, you know, the whole deal, merch. And we'd learn everything, you know, from them, the business side of it, not just tell Dick jokes and, you know. So we done to a lot. When you went up in front of this crowd a few times, did you guys bomb it all again? One time. Oh, I'll tell you, I mean, a few, but one time in Vegas, we're smoking. And then we got cocky and he's like, you better get a stand.

He would always tell us this thing, STS. He goes, go out there and steal the show. They paid to see me, but they're going to leave Smash Brothers fans go out there in STS. That's all you ever had to tell us. So we were cocking. We're like, we're going to get one cock sucker. So we went out there and we ate a dick. And he didn't light us.

He did it on purpose. And he kept watching us. And he kept watching us. And he kept watching us. And the fucking lie. And the fucking light. Where's the light? And he looked at us and he just flipped us up.

He's like, fuck you. Okay. And so when we shook his hand, he goes, where'd you lose them? And he stopped and had a conversation in front of a crowd that's not laughing no more and wanted to know. what we did wrong. And then he goes, go to the side. You have another show

to you'll make it up. Lee, what would you rather do? Either another edible or go through that? I told Lee, Lee's been doing comedy now for about, he started about a year ago, but the last three weeks,

he's fucking getting into it. Right. And he's been doing great. I mean, he's a great. He's a Woody Allen type. He's like Woody Allen. He's up there neurotic. The Jew comes out,

but not really. Right. Which is really cool. And so one day we were sitting here smoking pot and I'm getting him high. And, you know, right now everything's blood and, you know, everything's roses. It's a honeymoon period way, you know. Yeah.

I'm his buddy. He's friends with all comics. And when they see him, they give him love. You know what I'm saying? Right. So, uh, I said to him, you know, Lee, I got to talk to you pretty soon. I got to start torturing you on stage. Yeah.

He goes, what are you talking about? I know, like, go up there and tell you to do 10. And you already got your time. You've been working hard for 10. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. You know, like, I got seven. and three quarters if I improvise a minute.

And after you're up there for fucking 10 minutes, I'm not giving you a light. And you're looking at me going. And I'm like, three. You've only done three minutes. And Lee's face got red. And then I go, after a while, I just give you the finger. Like, just fuck you.

Because I'm not going to, that's how you become a comic. It really is. This is just, it's craziness that you uttered this. Lee, did I miss a beat when I told you what we do to you? I can't even imagine that happening. We're talking in front of like, oh, 1,500. I don't know how many people. A fucking laugh.

And then he's just laughing. And you're fighting it out, Lee. You're fighting it out. Your face is red. You're going to feel sweat come out from places where you've never even thought you had a sweat gland. Like after the show, the back of your knees. You're like, Jesus fucking Christ. Well, I told you, after Austin, I had to wait 10.

Like, you've done Cap City, right? Yeah. You know, right off the stage, like, there's a seating area and then, like, there's a wall. Yeah. I went up on the last show. I did, I think, five minutes, and I was fine on stage, but when I got off, I had to lean against the wall for 10 minutes. I couldn't walk back.

My legs were shaking. Your adrenaline levels? I mean, it's because we have to get you used to being there. Like, there's nothing like for the beginner comic to really understand the patois of the bomb. The patois of the bomb is your first two days. jokes, they kind of get it, and after that, it's a long night, but guess what? The MC decided to get his dick sucked, so he's not giving you the light.

And you're there coming up, and you're stealing. Yeah. Any comic that tells you hasn't stolen at that point, they're a liar. They're a liar. They're a liar. You start stealing like a motherfucker. You're stealing knock, knock jokes. Whatever it's a. Sinefeld jokes. Oh, my God. Zooka rapper. And some you'll call you out.

out, like at the nine minute mark to make it even worse. That's Chris Rock's joke. And it's not the bomb. I want you to feel what the emotion feels like. Yeah. And accept silence. He would always say, silence is okay. That means they're listening.

He'd always tell us that. Don't be in a rush to get to the next one. He's a smile, take a sip, whatever. He would always tell us that because he felt like he was the king of that. Yeah. He was the king of that. Well, he did like two hours that time of us. Every night.

We've seen him do. We did it an hour and he did three and a half half an hour. It was a four and a half hour show. And this guy in the front row was so into Ralphie that he actually passed out, fell onto the fucking stage with seizure and shit. And then Ralphie stopped the show, helped him. So as the guy got carried out, Ralphie kept going. And we did, he did three and a half fucking hours that night. Think about that.

Three and a half fucking hour. That's a long time. And people weren't leaving. You know, people sat there. You know, in like 2008, I started having doubts guys. Yeah. You know, mental health is a big, there's a thin line in this business. Mental health comedy and art, and I didn't invent that.

Rudy Sarzo said it to me one time. I always knew it existed. I started in a small, you know, I started in Denver, and then the Seattle, the comedy scene, you ask yourself, why these people keep going up every week? But guess what? That's their thing. Right. You know, that their goal isn't our goal, you know, so it's different.

What the fuck are we talking about? mental health 2008 I moved to the valley in 2009 there's a Ford dealership down the corner and I said to myself

I'm quitting I'm gonna quit this shit I'm gonna do stand up around the area get movies when my friends auditioned me or whatever and for like four months I didn't say nothing

and I would go see headliners in Brea in Irvine without saying a word I would, two of the guys would recognize me. At that time, I opened for Joe, and I would headline on Wednesdays and Sundays, like you guys did.

Yeah, exactly. And I went to see every headliner out there that year, and I saw some fucking horror shows. That's what kept me in the game. But the two best acts I saw that year were Greg Geraldo and Ralphie Mae. And that's unbiased. Like Ralphie May in 2009 was fucking.

fucking untouchable. Oh, yeah. The style, the breathing, the charisma, the whole fucking package. How he sold merch at the end on stage with the no money, da, da, da, it was guys, a lot of people have seen Ralphie, they're listening. But it was something that I went home and I was like,

there was three times I almost doubted myself a comedy. Saw Doug Stanhope in 2006 in Seattle. You have no idea, guys. Yeah. I went home and cried. I was like, I'm done. I'm done. I'm never going to do comedy again because I'll never be that good.

Yeah. You said to yourself, you'll never be that good. And then I saw Ralphie and Greg Carolla in 2009. I was like, I don't know. It's funny he said that. We've had that same talk that you just said, like, with each other. And we were watching Ralphie crush, and he was singing. He made up some improv shit.

He was singing. And he got standing ovations like 40 minutes into his set. And he wasn't even fucking closing. But he's crushing so hard. They just fucking stand up, you know. Then he would close with that Bon Jovi, you know, and he'd finger bang. And the crowd, we're talking to thousands of people. We'd be singing with him, and he'd just be smiling.

And like you said, he'd get off. And two hours, he'd stand out there and shake everybody's hand. And not everyone does that. A lot of guys just go to the fucking green room. Go fuck bitches. And then they're on to the next town. He would stand out there. And then he would ask people, where are we going?

Where's everybody going? Where's the spot? And then we go till two in the morning, whatever town we were in. And he'd stay out because he loved the fucking fans. He loved the people. And we learned a lot from him like that. just amazed. Like, I can't believe he rocked it, like, that hard.

Well, a lot of it was, like, what I learned from him was how to be a gentleman. Yeah. Like, he was a lot younger than I was. And in 98, 97, I was still untamable. Like, I was still untamedable. The cocaine was burning deep in my soul. And I meet this young, southern, warm. I met him.

He was a scared kid, guys. Everybody was, sir, ma'am. You know, I mean, it was really amazing. And then the reefer, and then he was off and running. Yeah. And he knew day one, what he was going to do and how he was going to do it. You know, he knew day one. He struggled for a couple months or a year and a half.

Larry David took him out to lunch and before the show. There was a lot of things that after the last comic standing, it was fucking off and running. Yeah. Yeah, he told us after, because that's when we started working with, them and but full time like around the time you're saying 2008 nine that's when we started picking up more and more gigs with them to where by 2009 and going into 10 it was full blown just this guy works so much too he'd pick up fucking gigs on tuesday when most guys are hanging out we'd be in

minnesota and snow and and the bus would be there but we'd still he'd do a fucking show because we're just there like he worked every day and we wouldn't post about a lot of shit you know he would just go do the show whoever was there was there and just to stay busy because he loved it you You know? He really loved it. He loved it. Like, he would love it. And then we'd talk about it because he didn't write jokes, you know. We would just talk on the bus.

He'd break our balls and then run shit by us. And he'd do it that night. And we'd talk about it to the next town. Because he wouldn't remember half the, she does so much time. He wouldn't remember. And that's what we would do. Like John Madden, we'd go over our sets every fucking night. And he'd go, hey, whatever you closed with, you're opening with that tomorrow.

And I don't care what you close with. But, you know, he would challenge us every night. And he'd come up with topics. That was the other thing. He busted our balls. He's like, tonight, everyone's going to do a joke on fucking antelopes. So, and I'm like, an alope. Yeah, whatever, whatever he said.

But he would fuck with us. And if you didn't do it, you're not getting the light. He would just look at you and just smile. I'd be like, fuck you. Say what I told you. He'd be out there. Say it. Have balls.

You know? There's a reason. Yeah. And it's tough to explain to people. I worked for a guy, in 94 or 95, I worked for a sports betting service. Right. Guys, the guy was a genius. You ever look at people and you're like,

and you see what they have and the time they did it and how they did it and how they started? That's what interests me, that journey. This guy was a winner. He was so good at what he did that, you know, we were salesmen. We sold us gambling information,

but he was so good at what he did that by listening to what you were saying, he knew what was going on. And he'd come right over. with you and go and he'd say the words he'd other words sometimes he'd take the phone out of your hand and impersonate you and say the words and the words was so horrific but if you said those words you got the sale and when you didn't say him he'd just hang up the phone and go you already blew it now until the next one next time you'll you just lost 15 hours give me this lead and he'd just take money out of your

pocket there was no fucking around and you learned to listen which is the most important thing in the fucking world, especially with comics. We want to talk. We don't want to listen. I just learned to listen six years ago. My life changed. Right. Your life changes.

Ralphie was a fucking genius. Like Rogan. When I was still on a plane next to Rogan, and it's just me and him. And we break down comedy, and we talk about the different exercises that we personally do our... Because we each have quirks as comics.

You know, tomorrow night I'm going to open up my clothes up. Oh, Jesus. That's dangerous. Oh, Jesus. How do you say that to somebody? How do you say that? But that's what you force yourself to do as a man.

You go, tonight, it's Thursday night, it's my opening night in Minnesota. I got Friday and Saturday to redeem myself. Yeah, that's exactly. It's just the mentality, bitch. So that joke that you've been working on so hard and they've been ripping and rocking, guess what, Lee?

you're opening up with that motherfucker tonight. And that's the night when I tell you to open up with it and then I stretch the light on you. Like you're up there 45 drenched his sweat. Puddles are coming out from under you. You're up there going, oh, Jesus, hmm, hmm, you're making noises. And that's when you walk off that stage,

you learn more about yourself in those 30 minutes than any psychiatrist, psychological exam, You learn more by yourself and your ability than anything in the world. And, like, I'm in a weird place where, like, almost every time I go up, it's a record time-wise for me. I'm like, I did 1144 tonight. So I can't.

And then I only have, like, two jokes at best. So I can't imagine someone being like, tell a joke on pillows tonight. And then you just got to write a joke that's going to make people laugh. And 10 minutes. Yeah. In 10 minutes. So you get that a quarter of it. Right.

And I say to you, Lee, let's fuck with them tonight. Both of us. It's Wednesday night. Exactly. Go out there and do 20 on pillows. Yeah. Just on pillows?

20 minutes? 20 minutes. Right there on the spot. And you got to look at me and go, I can't do that. Lee, you're fucking fired if you don't. You have to go do it. You have to go do it or you're not going to Minneapolis next week.

I'll give it to fucking Di Agostina. But you will walk off there feeling bullied, but you'll understand why I bullied you. 100% you'll go this motherfucker I'm never I'm not working with this guy no more but you get to look forward to we would laugh sometimes I go then you'd get cocky oh

is that it and then you'd fuck with him hey you need to go up there and whatever we he's heckled us from the side of the stage and to where you forget and he starts yelling at you yeah yeah yeah he'll say you throw out your punch line before we even got to say and he ruined the bit and he's all go like keep going motherfucker I opened for him and Beaumont

what that sounds mean that's his he made us better Lee I would go up on stage and he would go, go, go, do the tampon, the string bit. You know, and you're like, why don't you tell him it, Ralphie? Yeah. Fucker. He would do that to us all the time.

You'd just be hoping to got someone pulled the fire alarm because you don't even want to finish the fucking... But then before he'd go on stage, I never forget this for years ever, ever, ever. All right. There used to be... You know what the Houston improv is today? Yes. Before that, you know where it was 10 years ago? Yes.

At that place, that used to be a club called Spell Binders back in the day. Okay. I don't know if you know this story. No. You're not laughing, so you don't know this story. Ralphie had been doing comedy at the nine-year level or something like this. This was a big club in Houston. It was Spell Binders and the lap stop or something like that.

Yeah, yeah. And Ralphie was at Spell Binders, and he went through the stage. No shit. Yes, he did. Yes, he did. So he went through the stage. What do you mean he went to the stage? He fell to the stage.

It wasn't built. And then he sued the club, right? So the lady's name was, I forget. You know, I'm high. I forget, guys. So one day I asked somebody, I go, hey, man, how hard is it to get the spellbinders? And they go, it's, no, she's okay. And I go, maybe I'll ask Ralphie me.

They go, no, no, no, no. Yeah, don't ask you. Don't tell him because Ralphie went through the stage and he sued her. So one night after one of those ball bustings on stage in Beaumont, I get off stage, and he's about, you know, the hostess up there, one of these hosts. I think it was Lama that was hosting. It was the old comedy club in Beaumont that was old owned by a beautiful black family that worked a club. He was an engineer.

She was like a rocket scientist, and they quit their job to open up a comedy club in Beaumont, Texas. It's unheard of. Wow. And they were black, which the town next to Beaumont, they hanged Jews. Black, Cubans, I happened to buy below there because I showed up

an eight ball with three Ben Franklin you know what I'm saying? They looked at the 300 and said, okay, Diaz, march your way out of here. You were good in the longest yard

though, brother. So I get off stage after he's heckling me. Do the pussy joke. Do the tongue in the ass joke. You know, like he's just saying shit random. And I'm laughing.

I'm high. I'm not the type of person that would be mad because I know he's a lot. this. Oh, absolutely. So I get on stage, I dry my, and those days I used to sweat a lot from the blow the night before. I'd be like a skunk up there.

Like, I'd just fucking, and I get off, and I look at him this one night, like, Rafi, by the way, he goes, Cogow, I'm gonna kill him. That was a great job by you, Coco, you killed him. I go, oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you, the chick from Spellbine is called. And she wants to book you in two weeks, right? And his face just froze.

Because it was one of those things. didn't want nobody to know. And all of a sudden, he looked at me, he's like, fuck you, Calcare. And he just went up there and lit that room on fire. And then afterwards, he asked me, how did you find out about that shit? Oh, my God.

So every three months, I would drill him with that. Right. Like, I would drill him with that. Listen, bro, what's the story? You want me to book that chick? And then they opened up the improv, and I would ask them about that. You didn't the improv will find out

that you went through the stage there one time? Oh, like that they'll book you? This went out for years, you know, that he went into the fucking states. This is in his early days. When he was like six, he was bigger. He's a big guy and stuff.

Yeah, I remember when, you know, and his weight fluctuated, he shattered a few stools and we had to get a stool. We actually have one made, and I actually have it now. I got a hold of it after he passed away, but we actually had a building, had a steel stool made for him

so he could be comfortable on stage, you know? And that's funny that he fucking fell through the fucking stage. I ought to lost it if I saw it. Bro, I used to... I'd have made sure he's okay, but I ought to fucking lost it after that. You know, I was there for a lot of, lot of the major good falls.

Like, did he have any falls with you? Oh, yeah. In the snow. I mean, come on. One time he stepped off the top step. I was getting out of the bus. He stepped off the tap step and smushed me into the fucking snow bank. And we just laid there in the fucking snow.

And then they were just laughing. They're both laughing. I'm like, that looks like it fucking hurt. Oh. Frigerator Perry fucking hit me from mine. Did you ever be talking, having a conversation with him? And the conversation ended in the need fall? Oh, yeah.

No. Yeah. Listen, one time. One time we're talking to him, right, we're at Penn State. We did a college show. And we went and we're drinking dollar beers at the, whatever, the fucking bar when the kids go. He's talking to these girls. And I swear to God, he's standing on the front step.

And he's talking to these girls. He's hanging on to the bars and shit. And he goes to clap his hands and laugh and loses balance. And he's face first right to fucking right on the ground. And nobody helped him. I just like, they go, get up. You look at him. Fuck you.

Fuck you. And I go, I go, get up, big boy. He gets up. and we just died laughing. Oh, yeah. He would eat shit. He loved that fireball. He drank too much fireball.

You had to push his fucking ass on it. I always used to tell him. Anything glass, take it from him, because he'd break. He'd drop a bong, shattered all over the floor. He's all,

God damn a day, pull this bus over. We need to get a bong immediately. Like, you're just going to pull off and fight a guy. Like, there's a bong store

in the middle of New Mexico. You know? Oh, this motherfuckerucker, boy. Oh, my God. It was, I was flat broke and I'm watching this kid making millions in front of me. I know.

And every Monday, he called me and he go, I'm hopping on the plane right now. I'll be in L.A. X. and 3, I'll be in front of your door at 5.30. And he would pick me up at 7.45. Yeah. Oh, of course. Chowkao, I'm downstairs. That's it. That was two hours ago.

Yeah, I got tied up. What the fuck? Yeah. Like, something happened. There ain't that much rope. And he'd fucking get in the car and we go to Cushmart. And he'd go in the back seat. He'd had them a little envelope with 20s and just rolled.

And he'd take a whole stack out. Take me upstairs by six pounds of wheat and then give me the leftover cash, you know? Yeah. I would just die. He knew I was doing blow. He knew what was going on. He just didn't, you know. his generosity

when he had money was I never took advantage of him I never asked him for anything I never asked him to go on the road he was my friend and I had several conversations with him when I told him I just want you to be my friend

because he was such a valuable ally to me he was different than anything I had ever you know anybody I had ever been around before I've hung out with people with good arts

I know what a good hearted guy was and he was one of those guys you know there was a lot of people who took advantage of I still to this day don't fucking dig because he took care of everybody even when he was poor I know that

he took care of people when he was poor when he lived in an apartment he was hustling between gigs he was still taking care of people yeah cooking for people cooking for fucking gardener you know he was just taking care of people

you know fucking gardener I was there the night that month the fucking deep fried of turkey. I never even heard of that shit. De-briying turkey? Six in the morning. In the back of gardener, deep-frying a fucking turkey with six comedians over there

fucking drinking. Jay Moore. Jay Moore is a star, and he's in Ralphie's backyard on Gardner at six in the fucking morning. Grilling a fucking turkey. It was mind-boggling. You know, everybody went to that house. I still remember 9-11.

He made a gumbo. And we all went to his house and we sat there and we were all in disbelief and shit. There was a couple arguments and shit. Yeah. You know. But it was, I learned a lot from him as a comedian. Yeah. Like a lot.

Like when I watched him, just his demeanor, how he was towards people. You know, I used to yell at him constantly to get off the fucking road, man. Oh, man. Us too. But he loved, he was addicted to it. He was addicted to it. serious. He really was. And he would tell him. Even when he wasn't feeling good, it was our job to get

him up, you know, and he'd tell us. We'd be sold out Cleveland or whatever it was when he hurt his back. And then he didn't want to get up. I said, we have six sold out shows. You need to get up. And then he started... He's all just start 20 minutes late. You motherfucking titty babies just do about... I don't know. About

45 fucking minutes and then... Maybe we'll do intermission. I go, there ain't no intermission in a comedy club, motherfucker. Get up. And he would tell us that. But then once he got to the club, he snapped right into it. island, you know, talking to the waitresses, and he'd go out there and rock both shows and stand out there with merch, even when he felt like shit. And that's what we learned from him.

It doesn't matter. The crowd paid to be there, be fucking funny, you know, and we learned a lot from him about that, you know. He worked really hard to be funny. Like, he, if you look at his early specials, they're fucking brilliant. They really are. I forget the one's name that I fucking love. He's just sensational on it, you know.

Oh, just correct, probably. Just correct. Something like that. He was, by the time he got here, guys, he was already a star, like, in the making. Like, people knew. He got right into, Mitzie loved him. Jim Mazzado loved him. You know, he just took right over.

It was just the right vehicle to launch, and look what it was. It was last comic standing. Yeah. Come in second place and make a fucking career out of it. I mean, he would always say that. He's like, I came in second place, and I made a fucking career. career out of it. You don't, you didn't have to win the fucking show, as he would always say, you know. It's what he made America fall in love with. I mean, it was funny because, okay, so last comic

standing, the results come out, and I already have Houston booked with him. It's me, him, and either Jody Ferdy or John Wesley. It's the first week of July or something like that. And I'm excited as fuck. I had just I'd just done nothing. Let me tell you what was going on. I got a call. I was supposed to shoot Spider-Man 2 July 30th. But I got a call like the first week of June.

Then like July 30th. What are you talking about? You're going to get your ass down here and get the wardrobe. You're shooting next week. I'm like, what are you talking about? I'm going to fucking Houston next week. They're like, just come on down. So I went down to Sony.

I got my wardrobe, the whole thing. I'm like, guys, I got booked to work one day. I signed a contract for one day. scale 6.95 a day. Everybody advised me against it. Everybody was like, you shouldn't work for scale. Fuck them. It's the second one. They made millions.

Well, another friend of mine said, go in there and argue, and they're going to give it to somebody else. Watch, just shut your mouth. Do the movie. It's one line. What do you care? When I went down there that day for a wardrobe, I said, am I working one day? And they're like, I think you've been lied to. They go, come with me, and they walk me

to this fucking room with a whole storyboard. was. It was mind-boggling. You know, like, I'm a fucking R-rated comic with a cocaine problem. You know what I'm right? And here I am in this fucking art room at Sony with the

boards. And they said, your board starts here, which is yeah, next Tuesday. And you're going to be on until August 3rd. And I go, what are you talking about? I got dates booked and shit.

I'm like, why, you got to get it straightened out because they'd shot those trains scenes and at the end I only got 14 days for one line because there was days I had to stand there and there was days that they didn't know if I was going to stand there or not

so it would make me go to my fucking thing but the long story show was I got Spider-Man too and I couldn't go down there with him and I heard that when he pulled up in Houston the line was around the block and people had signed and they were saying

fuck that fan Fuck that fan Fuck that fan Like it was fucking crazy at first Like he created He went from One thing to another Overnight

Even though he was a headliner Already Like that was what hurt Everybody else on last comic standing Over the years That wasn't a true Headliner at the time That they either won

Or placed on that show Right Do you know what I'm saying? Oh yeah absolutely Ralphie was already blowing fucking stages up. He already moved up here and that feature.

He was headlining in Texas already. Oh yeah. He was already drawing in Texas. Like in Houston he was drawing at Danny Martinez's he was drawing. He was already drawing at those clubs. When he came up here, he was like any other comic struggling

but people knew who the fuck he was. And then last comic got him up. but then he just got even stronger. With that winning last comic, he fucking did a complete 180, you know. That was his market, though, and wherever his hometowns were, but from Houston.

It was outrageous. We don't have enough time. We can tell you crazy stories about Houston, but they loved him there. When the tour bus pulled in, it was on. We couldn't sleep on the tour bus because they were banging on the motherfucker all night,

you know, because he had his fucking orange jacket on that first tour. Across the whole side of the goddamn tour bus is the biggest picture of, Ralphie you've ever seen in your fucking life. I'm like, motherfucker, they can already see you already.

And now you're going to put a fucking size of a Ralph's truck sticker on the side of your fucking bus. They're going to knock on it all night. He's all, fuck them, baby. Maybe they'll bring some good drugs to the bus and shit. I'm like, yeah,

that ain't all they're going to fucking break to that bus. But they'd knock on it, rock the motherfucker. Would you guys sleep on the bus? Yeah. Only on travel. But then when we get to the town, we would get the hotel or the condo.

And so we would, you know, but he loved to be on it. He'd stay on it. He's down. Even though they're banging out, he would just call us and goes, hey, come on here and get my gun.

There's people banging on the bus. He said, all right. So then we'd go get the gun to AK-47 or whatever. We'd be sitting with fucking, these people don't even know. We're sitting with fucking AKs and Jews. Yeah, like, fuck. And he's like, hey, if they get crazy,

just let me do the shooting. I'm the millionaire. He said, I'm a millionaire, y'all. Yeah, he's all, yeah. Maybe Corey, he's got a good shot. Let Corey out there shooting. He's like, I can pay for the Jew lawyers. And we kill anybody.

He said, all right. Oh, fuck. But that's how it was, you know. But it was, that was the thing, though. Ralphie, when you talk about cooking, he, one time we were down for like six days. We were in middle of fucking Nebraska. And he goes, hey, go to Walmart and get us a goddamn barbecue, a smoker, and get one of them little chief smokers. I'm like, what the fuck?

What are you going to kill a fucking deer out here? What are he going to do? And he's like, oh, stop by the store and get a bunch of meat. And he gave me this fucking list on Jen. Yeah, there was a couple thousand bucks. I'm like, we don't need fucking, you know, half a cow. He's like, yeah, we do, baby, go get it. So he'd be smoking.

At two, we'd get done with the shows. He'd smoke all night, and we'd eat breakfast, you know, six in the morning. We'd eat brisket and shit. Yeah, he'd cook at night. All night. That was his thing. He loved it. All night.

He loved it. We'd be listening to Classic Rock or old school biggie, smoking a river, and he'd wake us up. Because we couldn't hang with them. And then he'd wake us up, all right, baby, we're having brisket for an eggs. Wake your ass up. That is, let me tell you. And I'm not saying the wrong way because you know how I feel about it. That is the most redneck thing in the world.

And you know who always did that? Who was the king of that? My mother. Really? Cooking a fucking eight-course meal at 3 a.m. in your fucking drunkenness. Yeah. Like, I mean, when you, I would wake up to like, what are you talking about? I just want cereal.

Yeah. Like, I just want cereal. Rice, beans, a pork, cooked, sliced, din, fried bananas. Oh, fuck. Like, why did you cook this? I was hungry. I'm not hungry no more. You know, like shit like that.

My stepfather, the same thing. There's people. I don't know anybody who does that anymore. Like when I met Ralphie, that was the first person. I know who did that since I was growing up. When I was growing up, maybe we go to the Holloway's house and eat late night, but the father wouldn't get up and fucking cook for us. Yeah.

None of that shit. No, we go to his house and raid whatever leftovers. We did that to all the houses. Yeah. For people that don't know those type of people, that you live with them, and you either got two choices. You can either stay up or stay up.

That was it. That was it with Ralphie. Our lives changed instantly. We thought we knew what the comedy business was, even like eight, nine years into the game before we started touring hard with them. We thought we knew. And then he took us onto the tour bus.

I remember he was like, he called us up and he was like, hey, fly to Chicago. And I'm like, we have money. Like we have money saved just to fly to Chicago. And I was like, you get to Chicago? Then you'll go home in six months. You're going to go on tour. I'm like, what the fuck?

And I'm like, are you bullshit? And he's like, get to Chicago. I got something going. As soon as we got there, the motherfucker's cooking chili and spaghetti. Who the fuck makes chili and spaghetti? I knew you, baby? Yeah. Oh, because he had a full kitchen, you know.

On the bus. On the bus. I've never seen this bus. Oh, okay. What has ever? I've never seen this bus. Oh, okay. His room has, listen, the bus pops out on the sides, but his room has a California

king bed, 50-inch TV. Yeah. He has a shower. He has everything he needs. Not us. I mean, we were grateful, but we were jerking. off and a casket fucking out by the shitter. We're sleeping in the, you know, the bunks, you know, going down

the hall. This was Dave Matthew's bus. So Dave Matthew sold it to Ralphie. And it was hooked up. I mean, it has everything. Hardwood floors. This motherfucker has everything. Yeah, there was a comedian in Austin who had a joke about it. Oh, really? Yeah. The guy who featured for you.

Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I remember him mentioning. You're right. But we would show up and this motherfucker has everything and he's just so welcoming. He's like, this is your house now. Put your bag. You know, This is your house. You taught us how to make lattes and espresso. Oh, because he had a full fucking Starbucks machine.

I'm talking like a $5,000 fucking Starbucks chrome fucking stainless machine. I was making lattes. I was a professional motherfuckers within a week. He's a barista. And Ralph, that's how he lived. He just was so welcoming. And if you got invited, not everyone got invited in the bus, but if you did, you were family. He just took care of you.

That's how he was. There's not many people like that. Our mother doesn't even fucking treat us like that. you know but he's a fucking he was just the greatest when he came to that shit but he's Tony Bennett well Tony Bennett for Ralphie out of respect yeah Monday February 19th what are you going to do

I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart Ugh Some somebody Twice as smart As I'm somebody Who

Will swear to be true As you used to do with me I'm really happy that you did one thing You guys said one thing tonight You confirmed To Lee Syatt that I am not crazy I don't know about that, but what do you mean? Lee thinks I'm personally crazy.

But I learned how to become a comic from a couple people. But there was two main people I learned how to become a comic from. And that was I watched Joe Rogan every night, and I watch Ralphie whenever I could. Even when he was broke, I watched Ralphie. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I was there when he was fucking nothing, an apartment where he kept breaking the toilet.

He broke it on the bus, just so you know, at least five. And we had to replace the shitty plastic one on a bus with a real goddamn toilet. Oh, real fucking toilet. They got to order them, like the 600-pound man. Yeah, you got to order it. You just can't move in there. And the fucking steel plate because it ripped out one day, Ralphie was shitting on the thing

and fell over like Elvis into the goddamn wall. Fucking fell over. He fell over. And he's a young driver. And he's like, hey, some of you motherfuckers better come in here and get me. I said, well, what? I said, he had shit all over his dick's out. I go, hey, put your dick away, motherfucker.

I said, God damn, boy. I go, look at you. I told you, I go, take a picture. We're selling this shit to TMG right now. He tipped over. Yeah, he was high as fucking. He was. And the poor driver had to clean it up.

The poor fucking driver had to clean up that fucking catastrophe. But he was paying that dude. Oh, I'm sure he's making it. Oh, please. He told him he was like. I know. He made more than everybody. The driver made more nice. I was like, this guy.

What movie is that? Oh, Scarface. When he makes himself. a fool, the restaurant. And the bodyguard first man is the guy money. And then he thinks about it for a second. He gives him more money. Then at the end, he sees what he's got off the left.

And he goes, I might as well. This guy's making a eager. And he just walks out after it. Yeah. Poor, poor guy. That guy. But he was a good guy. I don't think Ralphie.

He loved him. And he was a real good guy and took care of us in every way possible. I probably couldn't even tell you about right now. But anything we needed, he took care of it. So he's a good guy. What did you learn comedy-wise from? You said before that, you know, the show. And joke structure.

And the one thing that he, with being a duo, he broke it down to where, and us being identical twins. And like, even in high school and at college, we took theater arts. We took anything. We didn't have homework. So we played sports. And even though homework. Homeck, we were in there.

Yeah. Auto shop, wood shop, anything that we knew they weren't going to sign homework. That's what the fuck we took. But we learned. But the joke structure, he broke it down by. telling us he was like when when when they watch you you know and he was critiquing us about either stepping on each other's lines talking over each other tone of voice he hated our beards he kept telling us to shave all the time uh what we wore um the whole he broke us down

like if he were fucking simon cow and he literally just broke us down every day and and he told us too he said you know he he doesn't even have to listen to what we're saying he said i listen to the crowd laugh it's like a roller coaster he goes you guys got him and then it's quiet and then you got him and you got him you got him and you know and then you're down again he goes he goes I just know you did good I don't even know what the fuck you talked about but I can know by listening to the crowd how you he said laughs per minute he always fuck with us you know you need more laughs per minute hit him harder and that's what you tell us he goes I don't need to listen to you no more I just listen to the laughs it's crazy I've been doing comedy for 27 years I don't need to watch you yeah

I could hear you from the green room yeah listening to the audience really you're listening and sometimes I get up I'm a fucking comic yeah I have to listen the ears you are the most important gift when you're a comic. If you don't fucking listen, you'll never move on. That's going to help you with a one-man show. That's going to help you with acting. That's going to help you with a thousand things in your life.

He's listening. Listening to the... I'm fucking deaf because when I'm on stage, my ears work so fucking hard. I want to hear the fucking... I want to hear you. you staring the glass. Yeah.

Do you understand me? It's like you develop the spider sense after 20 years. It takes about 20 or 22 years. You know, where you develop... Look at the least. Leas's like, 22 years. It goes by like that. How long have you guys been together?

It's got to be 15. 15 years. How fast did it go by? It feels like we were just doing one mic. One minute you were doing open mics, the next minute you're in Ontario, one Wednesday a month. And that's minute you're selling out a fucking place. Yeah. And the next minute you're on the road with Ralph, fucking made, learning the education of life.

Yeah. Life within a bus. A guy with money, how he acts. How you handle it? Post time. You know? Post time means, listen, I didn't even sleep last night. Then at six, two midget chicks came over. We did a fucking $20 bag of age. We fucked till 10.

You know what I'm saying? Then I took a nap. Then I got up and Johnny Benny Hanna came over and made some mistakes for us. I took another nap. And now they wake you up at 715 going showtimes at 8. What do you want me to do? And you get up your 500 fucking pounds. Half of you motherfuckers can't get up after that.

This 500-pound mammoth man would pick those fat little legs up, sit on the edge of that bed for five minutes. Yeah. And listen, you're talking to a 400-pound dude at one time. You just get fired up and you think about your childhood and you think about your past and where you've been. and how come you're selling out the Ontario fucking improv, but there's not a picture of you and no fucking improv because he hated that shit. He ripped somebody's picture down one night.

Okay, he did it with us too, at West Palm. And they know if they're listening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He would think of that. That's what a real comic does. You know, a couple weeks ago, Rogan was talking to people on a podcast, and he goes, look at Diaz.

I figured out Diaz after a while. Diaz do not listen to what he says. before you go on stage, especially if he picks a fight with you. He's dying to pick a fight with you. He's dying to argue with you. He's dying for you to have the wrong shirt on or the wrong pair of shoes

because he's not fucking with you. He's firing himself up to get on stage. I saw him do that one night. We were in New York, at Catalans. And when I woke him up, he would, you know, I mean, let's be honest to your people. He didn't become 500 pounds because he got up and jogged in the morning.

He landed in New York At 2 in the afternoon He got to the fucking room at 3 I got to the room at 4.30 The tray of chocolate And this gorgeous Manhattan hotel Which was 9,000 a night Was gone

All the rappers were in the garbage That's a sugar high Like a Coke fiend Doing an 8 ball of Coke And then at 7 he would You know, doze up With his glasses all fucked up And he would get up

And it was post time And then you'd see him 20 minutes later, and he was up there like a ballerina as graceful as can be. You know what I'm saying? Then later on he had to start sitting guys. Yeah, he started sitting. And then he's leaning. We started noticing too, even in the past couple years, he would start out standing. And then he'd sit for the last bit, you know, the last hour.

He would sit. And then he'd stand up to close, you know. And we started noticing, it's funny you said that. We've noticed that he went from standing the whole two hours to what, sitting a lot. I try to go to two jih Tjitsu's a week. I got kettlebells in my backyard. I have a punching bag. I really stay active.

That's good. When I started comedy, even after the longest yard, I was never a headliner. I was a feature act. They headlined me because I had been in a movie and whatnot. After I saw those people in 2009, my attitude changed. You know, like somebody once said to me, I've been doing comedy three years.

headline that I told something and they were like listen comedy's like Pennzo you could either pay me now or you could pay me later you gotta put the fucking time in you know and what we talking about putting time in for comedy you gotta put the fucking time in

yeah it's not overnight like you said it no and look at you guys I mean if anything anything someday you guys are going to be telling your children your grandchildren, these stories that you got to work with one of the greatest comedians of

our time. You know, if you rank 10 top comics, he's got to be in there. That's powerful, I mean, comedian-wise, I don't care whether you like him. I don't care whether you like his style. I don't care whether you like that he didn't like because he said the word nigger on stage. I know you had a lot of disagreements with him,

but I'm telling you as a fellow comic, when you read the comedy 101 book he was in there he was in there he used the pattern he was a true professional which by me watching him helped me become a headline now today I'm a headline

you want to fucking me motherfucker yeah you want a fucking me mother you know what I'm saying 20 years ago when I thought I was a headliner because the improvs and all the funny bones headline you that doesn't make you a headline no there's a point where you find out you're a headliner. When you, you know, you're like,

Jesus Christ, I have a different influence over them now. Right. This is, and that's when you can't believe it. Like, I started going to the fourth wall in North Hollywood. It's five minutes for five dollars. You're like Joey. Are you that stupid? It's, because it's like

going back to when you started. Now you're sitting with kids that had the same dream we had when you sat in front of last comic standing. How did you guys feel sitting in front of a building in front of the last comic standing why did you go down like we were watching headliners well just to be we got humbled actually we were like three years into it at that time three four years and we we had a hot 20 minutes at best and maybe even 12

and a half minutes and we thought we had enough time and i remember we did a set at the melrose improv and we were leaving there and i told my brother i go remember the auditions are seven a ms monday day and I go we should be bad motherfuckers and just stay right here and he was like stay right here right now remember we we debated it out that whole night and then chad called the hotel down the street and we got a room for the next three nights a hostel a hostel and we would swap in and out of the line we wanted to do it just see if we would get on the show first of all but second of all we did it to try to go to the next fucking level but we didn't realize we weren't ready you don't know until you know we just weren't ready and comedians were coming by us and i remember uh different people were

like, what the fuck are you guys doing out here? You know, for like two nights, we were the only people in line. People didn't start getting in line until Saturday night when they saw that fucking homeless were standing behind us thinking it's a soup kitchen waiting for a fucking free bowl of soup. You know, everyone was just standing in line. You didn't know what you were standing. The line just went down the fucking all the way down to the 101 almost.

You know, it was a fucking line for last comic standing in that second third year. But, you know, we didn't get the show. And this is true shit, Joey. We fucking, we get kicked off last comic standing. We start walking down meadows. This car pulls up and says, are you twins? I said, go fuck yourself. We're pissed.

We spent for four fucking days. Go fuck yourself. He goes, no, listen. If you're twins, I'm a producer. Would you like to do a TV show? So he hands us his card. I don't call him. I'm fucking pissed that I sat down on the street for four fucking days.

I call him that Monday. Come on down. We don't even know what show we're on. We're just on a TV show. We find out we're on that show. Are you smarter than a fifth grader with Jeff Oxford? We had no fucking idea. Before I was even on TV.

It was just a fucking like a pile. It was just something that they were filming. Well, skip ahead. We got 175 grand off that show. So we got kicked off last comic standing, and then we got that. So it worked out the way it worked out. And Ralphie told us, he's like, listen, don't be fucking idiots. And, you know, we only knew him for a couple years at this point.

He goes, you take that money and you invest it into your comedy. Buy T-shirts and go on the road and do pizza place anywhere that'll fucking have it. Even if you lose money, you have money. And we started following him around. So whatever town, we'd run into him on purpose and he'd let us open. That was our whole plan. We're like, oh, Ralph, he's in fucking Detroit. We need to show up in Detroit.

And we would just drive our Nissan Ultima. wherever the fuck we needed to go. And we do gigs at fucking karaoke, wherever. And that's what we would do. And that's how we spent that money. Most people would blow it. We spent it on fucking going around trying to develop a headline act. You know, and it took well more than 10 years for us.

Well more than 10 years to get an hour. I mean, last night we did an hour. We did a show with you and we did an hour and 15 for a bunch of drug addicts. It was the greatest night. We had a great time. But it took us that long because of Ralphie. He helped us get there. We wouldn't have done it.

We'd have blown our money. I would have bought drugs and bitches, Garen, fucking teed. And Ralphie said, no, go on the road. And that's what we did. I mean, who gives you advice like that? Our friends will tell us, go by Blow. Now, I don't tell you when you tweet me because, but now people know the situation. I don't go see you guys as much as I want to because, A, yeah, I do the podcast on Wednesdays and times.

But B, I have a fucked up here. I get car sick. Oh. I mean, last week I went to shoot, I'm dying up here, and I got there with puke on my shirt and puke on the car on the 4.0. five. It's getting worse. I'm having a little imprint put in and then I'll be down there. You guys run a great dirty show

in Ontario for fucking 10 years. It's 12 years. 12 years. I went down there twice. You gave away dildos. You gave me mad money. You got me high. But there was chick showing their tits. I mean, it's fucking insanity down there. It is. So if you ever get a chance. I mean, I'm not

wrapping up, which I'm just trying to tell people that and I talk about it all in time. This is a, tonight's a comedian. podcast. It's the struggle. And we're also honoring our good dear friend. I don't know how old he would have been yesterday. He would have been 46. 46. That's what I thought. So it's just, let me give some shout out to you.

All right. I want to a fucking shout out. Rick Atkins, Chris Cobain, R.J. Kej. Kej. Brian Stiles, Latisha Caten. My man, Bob Lillinger. And thank you for the Dr. J. original picture. G. Tweets. Adam House Mason Schroeder I love all you motherfuckers I love my man

Bobby Lalingis always I called him last week We talked for a little while A sharp dude I miss his dad He misses his dad We're fucking families So

That's that No I'm happy that I got to sit with you And do a show last night Yeah that was fun You know You're always welcome to come out here You guys are real motherfuckers

Now And last night You gave me some great news that after 12 years of selling out, they finally gave you some tour dates and shit like that. Yeah. So you guys are getting started.

What's the web page? They can find you set. Identical Entertainment's our company, but you can just find us on all social media. Corey and Chad, C-O-W-R-Wy, the letter N, C-H-A-D. You find us on that, and we post all of our gigs, you know?

No, it's the education that a real comic inflicts on it. Because I love young comics. Yeah. I love young comics. But you know who's faking the funk? And I know who's really doing what they're doing by the look in their eye. That's why I went back to the fourth wall.

Like I said, it's like Rocky 3. When Apollo took them back to the ghetto. We had the gym with music and opera singers and you're shit, and Apollo's like, what are you doing? We're going back to the ghetto. Look at their eyes. That's what your eyes used to look like 12 years ago. Sure.

You know, I went on the road for a while. I just got this chanted. It's all about ticket sales. It's not about, you know, You can light a sticker. Listen, you know, here guys like us work for 20 years. They won't give us a headline week. And some guy goes up there, takes a butane tag, blows smoke up his ass, and he's selling out.

And we got our feelings hurt because we realize it's all about ticket sales. It's all about ticket sales. When you're selling tickets, they love you, when you're not. And it's amazing to go through that education. And to see Ralphie. I went, you know, I saw Ralphie when, you know, I saw Ralphie when the, he was the big, guy in Beaumont, Texas, let's go see him. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. But it turned into something fucking else, like the theaters and stuff. And just watching that, we'll stay with you guys. It's an education, man. Oh, we learned a lot. And what you do in a club,

I mean, you'll learn this. What you do in a club, you're not doing it in a theater. You know, the theater show is completely different than a club, and we learned that. Like, real fucking play. Oh, yeah, I'm going to take them up to the Wilburne and let him out. Oh, yeah, and the fucking Boston crowd.

I'm from Boston. It don't matter. It don't matter. It don't matter. You got 10 seconds. And you got 10 seconds with that. I'm going to give him a long 18th.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. He'll detonate by 20. He'll start going into Boston. I remember when I lived in Boston, they wouldn't deliver pizza tea out. You know what I'm saying? You're just digging.

What are you saying to my material? That was his closer. That was his closer. It's crazy how you really, it's a psychological. like I look at it now like I can't believe I survived 25 years like you guys

did you ever look at the drive home go what the fuck was just what the fuck was just what the fuck we do that all the time like when we because it's been a while since we worked with you and we're leaving you know the ice house driving down to the NAAA show

we were doing I told Chad I go man it's a big difference between you know years ago working with you and now it's like and the friendship and bond and I remember We used to do shows with you, like crazy fucking show. You know, Liam's. Oh, my God.

We done some crazy. Remember Liam? Yeah, we've done a lot of shit with you. 909 on a Tuesday night. Jesus. They always gave me like $128. Yeah. Like, they can never give me the $150.

Just give me the $1.50 and I'm making it. He pay $1.28. Why $1.20? Who's taking a $22 commission? I'm my fucking big thing. But we'll give you some buffalo wings. We'll give you wings and shit, you know. I love that you're still mad.

I'll never forget that shit. You'll never forget that. You never forget. Listen, Lee, those are the things that... Those are the things that you'll sit there one day in your office and you're sitting there looking at your pictures and lost. And you're like, remember that motherfucker? Yeah.

You never even gave us a $65, did he? No, yeah. We have a list of motherfuck. We have a list. We all have a list. We have a mental level. Lee, you just... This is it.

And at the time, it seems so big because it's going to understand that it's $75. and I need 60 for the rent and if I give the drug dealer 15 he might give me a quarter grand that I definitely need you know people don't understand when you go to a gig and how about you go to a gig and you need the cash and somebody

throws a check at you. Yes. Oh yeah Tucson. We got fucked in Tucson. We needed it. Oh my God. We need it and they give us a check. We looked at him and we go, you better come up with some cash. Luckily somehow we got a tip from a fucking fan. A fan on the late show. fucking fan gave us each $100

bill. That's the only way we got home. We had a fucking check. And a fan gave us $100 bill to end. He's like, I've never seen guys like you. Here's a hundred bucks. We looked at it. We almost started crying. We couldn't believe it. We're going to get fucking some weed, some beer, and drive home now. Yeah, it's maybe some fucking cracker barrel or something. Yeah.

We needed it bad. You got any dates coming up, man? Next weekend, we're in Sacramento, February, you know, 23rd to the 25th. We're at last unlimited. Next Wednesday. Ontario Improv. We're in Zanis, April 21st. Ontario's already

sold out. It is. Yeah, it is. But there might be a couple, but it's always sold out. It's already sold out. Zanis in Nashville and April, the 21st and 22nd, and just sporadic ones, we start picking up steam. We're back in Pittsburgh, you know, in the summer. You know, they're redoing the Pittsburgh Improv as soon as it's done. We're back there.

So we're just glad we're finally getting fucking gigs, you know? I wanted to bring you on the show also apologize to both of you personally for not attending the Ralphie Mae Memorial I need to apologize to you guys as men that I had

reasoning why I don't, uh, yeah, I do hold grudges and he was a big mentor to me as a brother and you know, everything he was to you guys, you know, and I don't know, I just

wanted it to be like this. I wanted to be Southern style. I don't want it to be Hollywood style. I understood. Once I heard the attendees and what had happened. And what happened the day afterward, I was sick to my stomach.

But the only person I felt had to apologize to was you too. We appreciate that. I know how much you loved them. And I know when you heard the news, you were both shattered for days. And you'll be shattered for years. I still have not erased his phone.

Oh, yeah. I got the greatest voice. No, no. Don't play. Don't play. Don't play. But I haven't deleted his number, and I won't.

No, me neither. I won't either. So I want to thank you as both. Thank you for joining me. We will always work together on February 17th. Okay. Whatever day it falls on, you and I will always do a show. Okay.

Even if it's in Hoboken, New Jersey. Wherever. We'll be there. We'll do a show together. I will be. That it is sold out, but I will be at Huntsville, Alabama, stand up, March 1st or 3rd. And then I'll be at Nyack, New York at, what's name of? Leveley, Lime.

March 21st at 8 p.m. I want to thank Corey and Chad for coming back on again. Thanks, brother. And for being the motherfuckers that you are. I want to thank those two guys. I like those two fucking savages. I always have. They've done a great job down in Ontario with the Dirty Show.

But let's change the subject real quick. Let me talk to you people about something. I got a thousand watches at the house. I got a call one day from the marketing lady, and she goes, take a look at this, Pincereo watches. We had watches before and I didn't like them. They didn't sell right. Nobody even went to the thing. I thought they were more expensive than what the ads. So I always look at stuff before I sent it to Lee and Lee will say, yeah, maybe no, you know, I looked at this

Vincereo watches and I was like, you know what, there's something here. A couple days later, I get one in the mail. I get two of them in the mail. A gold-plated one, like a silver plate of one. I put them on, and I put a jacket on that night, and I put the watch on. I just loved how it looked. So on this one here, this is a white on silver. Let me show the camera here,

if they can see. It's a beautiful little white on silver pattern. You got the two clocks in there. I mean, honestly, guys, when it arrived, I was blown away. And when I looked at the prices, and I looked at what I had on, that's what really blew me away.

I mean, they feel great on the wrist, and honestly, I received a lot of compliments, It's a beautiful watch. I'm telling you, on the silver one that I have on right now, a few more zeros attached to the price, so it's a bit depressing. But guys, if you're in the market for a great watch, I'd like to direct your attention to a sweet piece on my wrist. I absolutely love the Vincereo.

Vincereo's a dope brand because they make watches that look and feel luxurious while still giving your outfit that distinct, unique look. And you know, I'm not into outfits, but it ensures you a compliment but people say, I like that Joey, your wrist looks good. When your buddies are wearing their little Apple watches, you'll be like, look at this moron.

Bang! Look at my Vincereo, like a savage! Like I said, I'm wearing a simple t-shirt and I put a nice Vincereal watch on. I look like Rocky too. That's just the way it is. I picked out this beautiful silver one with this metal band,

and I got in a lot, Like I said, even my wife says it looks good. My personal favorite is this one. The white with the black, the white on the silver, but I also like the gold trim also with the same style. I don't know the name of this style, so don't be mad at me, all right? Now watches like these, they go for 500, for a small nickel. But when Vincereo, they started $150.

Are you kidding me or what? Don't take our word for it. They got 6,500 five-star reviews. views, all right? Listen, do me a favor. Just get the watch. Elevate your watch game right now. You want to sling dick, this is how you do it. You want to walk into a bar and people say that's an important man. Get a Vincereo watch. Go check out Vincereo at gettowatch.net right now. Go look at these watch. I'm not breaking your chops. For a buck and a half, these watches are phenomenal. They're heavy. They feel solid on your wrist. Even better. Vincereo's

given all church, the family. 15% off their entire purchase with promo code church at checkout. Listen, come on, knock it off with that little dirty watch you got on that. It's time to step up your watch game. Go check Vincereo at getthewatch.net.

Again, Vincero at getthewatch.net. I like that look on your face, Lee. It's a look at I'm going deep today. Forget about it. Don't worry about nothing. you go, people. Listen, I know people like going to Vegas and the Atlantic City could be a blast. You go to a strip club, get your Saminke

sucked. But personally, I'm a big fan of watching people play blackjack and poker and stuff like that. Sometimes I win. You know me. I'm a mortadale. I can't. I'm like, I got to leave with me. He can't. This poor kid can't. Don't blame me for you. You're the kiss of death.

Sometimes I win, but not so much. But I always got a good time. The problem is getting to Vegas. I ain't got time. get the mule to go to Vegas. It ain't that easy for me. I got a wife, I got a kid. But ever since I found NYB Casino, betting from the comfort of my casa there has been simple and a blast. That's why I tell people to go to mybcassino.ag. They got huge bonuses, free spins, and a lot more. So off the bat, you're already winning from day one you create the account. And best of all, when you get your big win, you get paid. It's that fast and easy. That's the most important thing. I can

sit there all day, which you can go back and forth playing cards. But if you're going to hit me with a fucking I owe you, what good is it? You just wasted 12 of my hours. I could have been mugger the Shriner or something. No, no, no, no, no, no more. Whether you like blackjack, roulette, slots, or any other game, NYB Casino has it all. Lee, you don't have to deal with Chinese people breathing on your neck no more.

Plus, if you want Real Vegas experience, they also have live dealers online. When's the last time you saw a live deal online? Never. I've been on a couple times. actually pretty hot too. Follow what I'm saying to me? I would recommend a website to my listeners that's been good to me and that's why I'm urging

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bam, to activate the offer. Beat the house from your house with slippers on, with your balls hanging, and scratching, sniffing your fingers. Play, NYB Casino.org. Today, use promo code Church 200. You win, you play, you get fucking paid,

and it's Sukalamin time, all right? I love you guys. Happy birthday to me. I love you, motherfucker, because my family. I'll be back Wednesday, and then me and Lisa Ayat will be fucking parachuting our way into Denver for fucking six quick shows.

Bring refa, bring edibles, bring grenades, bring mushrooms, wing whatever the fuck you got. You understand me. We're going deep, deep, deep, deep into the murky waters in the end of the order. And the week after that, the helicopter's going to drop me off right there in Huntsville. We're taking over fucking Huntsville for fucking five shows.

So, you're getting you out. I don't go down there that deep. So if you want to, you're wonderful, one of those small neighborhoods, get on the mule rod now. You'll make it that my March 1st. Because I ain't coming back to fucking Atlanta next year. So I switch it around. So if you live in Atlanta, get on that fucking car and drive the three hours cuckers.

I'll see you guys next week. I want to thank my brothers, Corey and Chad. At Corey and Chad, they're fucking everywhere. They're savages. I want to thank my Jewish Christ killer over here. Lee Syatt. Stay black. Have a great Monday.

Fuck it.