The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #570 - Michael Rapaport and Nick Turturro

Episode Date: March 26, 2018

Michael Rapaport, an actor known seen in "True Romance" and the host of the "I Am Rapaport Stereo Podcast" and Nick Turturro seen in "NYPD Blue" and "The Longest Yard", join Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:  ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 03/25/2018.  

Greetings from PodcastVille, and it's going to be a good one. This show's brought to you by ZipRecruiter. Are you hiring? Every business needs great people. And after this show, a couple people's resumes. I'm going to be a podcast. This is it, Joe. It's a better way to find it.

Something better than posting your job online and just praying for the right people to see. This is the one that's going to shut us down. ZipRecruiter knew there was a smarter way. It's going to fucking finish. Shut it down, Nick. Shut the smartphone thing down. I'll be making sandwiches tomorrow.

Hold on. At where? ZipRecruiter knew that the smartest way, so they built a platform that finds the right job candidates for you. ZipRecruiter learns what you're looking for, identifies the people with the right experience, and invites them to apply to your job. What I'm going to do is this.

Uncle Joey's in a good mood. Businesses of all sizes. Trust ZipRecruiter for their hiring needs. So right now the family can try. ZipRecruiter for free. That's right. Gratis, who gots on the arm. Just go to ziprecruiter.com slash church.

That's ziprecruiter.com slash church. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. I want to give a shout out to my beautiful chubby men and women who join Jiu-Jitsu and you join a Fuji-Gi. Let me tell you something. From the element to the Seiko to the Superado with the one I got, you're always going to be safe. When you're a fat fuck up on top,

They pull, they pull, and Fuji don't fucking fall apart, all right? Those geese are a real deal. Go to fujisports.com right now and press in church and get 10% off your order delivered to your house. All right. And that's it. It's going to be a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive. Kick that fucking meal lead. Oh shit.

Oh, shit. What? What? Monday morning. You want action? You got it. Kick that mulee. Kick it right.

Kick it right. Stick it right in. Stick it right in. You're fucking kidding me or what? Hey. Hold on. Hold on. Stop that.

Stop that right there. Play the closing song for fucking Nick. Nick needs to get his blood on fire. This Italian Vino hasn't hit him. this will bring him back to his fucking days. Is that my thing? D-Train? Dancing in the third, in the third grade.

Oh, shit. Here we go. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. Here we go, motherfucker. Oh, that's my fucking jam. One more shot, cock suckers. Here we go.

Come on, Nick. Pump it. Oh. Oh, yeah. Get loose ski. Here we go. 17. In my room, baby.

Yeah. Pumping me. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, feel it nice. I'm feeling it now. Monday, the church of what's happening now. Pump that motherfucker Lee.

Come on. Oh, shit. Now it's a fucking party. Fucking nuts. It's Monday to 20, whatever. It don't matter. It's your day to grab your ball, salute the flag.

And let these motherfuckers know you're not fucking around. Here we go, you bad motherfuckers. You wanted it, you got it. You got it. Michael Rappaport, Nick Detouro, the Christ Killer, Gleesaiat. What? Are you fucking fucking up? Uncle Joey, copses, move those shoulders.

You're in your car, get loose. Like Tony in 84. What's your fucking thing off. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. What? What? Oh, shit.

Look at this. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. More, more shot. Here we go. It's that type of part of the 90s. That's how you open up a fucking podcast. Can't understand me?

All right. We got our show. Blue Bloods. TV shows. Blue Bloods. Crazy Nick Totoro. Please don't put that off. Oh, it's already up.

My main man, Michael, Rap, of my career. That's, I told you. This is going to be the end. You're going to need Ziperc. crew after this fucking show. It's over. Who's going to lose their career first in this episode? Is it going to be

Coco's? I got no career. I come here two days a week and I go on the road and crack stupid fucking joke. I almost started a fire. They can't take nothing from me that Castro hasn't already done. You know what I'm saying? They really can't. They really can't. So I don't give a fuck. Things happen.

You're going to say things. That's the best thing about on a podcast. I fucking heart file for bankruptcy. What does that tell you? I heart radio file for banks. When did that happen? And humolists, whatever the fuck. What are you talking about?

Why? Why? Because, listen, I didn't even hear that. Listen, when you go on fucking Twitter, when you go on Facebook, okay, I want you to see what it says as soon as you click your code, it says, what are you thinking?

When you go on Twitter, it says, what's happening? That doesn't mean Michael Rappaport's having lunch with Leonardo de Caprio. That doesn't mean you're doing jumping jacks. That means to tell me what's really on your fucking mind. Times are changing now.

You know, when you and I were kids, we would never dream of seeing Julia Serving. Now you could tweet Julia Serving every day. It's insane. Until he hits you back one day and you fall off your fucking chair. Or blocks you because you're harassing the dock. You're harassing the dock. Did you get on this podcast?

Not yet. Did you email him? You know, Joe, I did that big three with him last summer and I was with these guys 10 weekends in a row I couldn't everybody else I got it together with him I can't I can't get it together with him

I can't I can't I can't even talk to that guy I love him so much that I can't be normal with him There's a handful of people like I can Muhammad Ali He'd be normal like he was coming to see his daughter at the store I left because I knew I would have a nervous breakdown Yeah

Yeah who wants to do it Richard Pryor I saw towards the end and I cried on the walk past him. I did the sign of the cross and I walked past him. He was sick, you know, and I told him right out, it was, it was, you know, in those days it was the brothers. Who were the two brothers that did, uh... Wayans? No, in fact, he was at the store. Martin Lawrence was at the story of the night.

The Wayne brothers? No, way before the Way and Brothers. Hold on. Give me a fucking minute here. Jesus Christ. Now I forgot what brothers? was even talking about. Comedians?

They did a... What'd they do? He did the movie with Tupac and Janet Jackson where they go up. But what brothers, though? I forget what the fucker's name is. If you give me a chance. Not the poetic justice?

No, no, no, no. Poetic justice, the actor. Joe Torrey, the Torrey brothers. The Torrey brothers used to book Joe and Guy. Tuesday nights at the comedy store when I first moved here. And one night they saw me at the laugh factory

and they put me up. I go up in front of 400 black people for the first time in my life. I ship my fucking pants. But while I'm on stage, I got my composure. Because Richard Pryor was sitting in Mitzie's chair. You saw him? And I stopped what I was doing.

I said, listen, I got to tell you something. I was fucking listening to the White album, thinking it was the best thing. And my brother's, my friend, you know, when you go to your friend's house and he's got an older brother, he came on and he goes, what's his pussy shit you're listening to?

Well, it's the Beatles. He goes, fuck that shit. And he put it nine. mom by the name of the nigger's crazy and my head almost blew up like I ran home and got six bucks and went and bought that then I bought was it something I said and then when my centennial nigger came out I bought that and I told him that I said this is what you've done for my life you know I had that option or the option of listening to that album it changed my fucking life forever it changed how I talked there's a kid that still calls into this podcast

Ray Cannell that said my mom still mad at you for bringing that album over here in the sixth grade. Like, I brought that album over, you know? So when you get to meet people, there's certain people you move in the business that you can't keep it together. No. Yeah. De Niro the first time, the first three or four lines I had them, I didn't know what was going on.

I had to live, I had to get myself ready for you. Yeah, like, you have to, like, you have to, like, in a trailer. Like, I was like, I have to, like, just go out there. You got to get past the guy, right? Like, when you did the Navy thing? But the first one was Copeland. I didn't have to get past the guy. I had to come.

There was no time to get past it because you know how he'd feel about fucking Bob. Right. And you're working with him. Right. You have to leave your bullshit in the trailer from the first time you meet him. Otherwise, you're not right.

Yeah. No, no, you're right. Even John told me that when he did a color of money, he says Scorsese, he was like freaking out because he said to John. He was like, man, I'm freaking out. I'm going to direct this guy. It's Paul Newman.

My brother's like, yeah, I don't know either. I'm going to act with him. Because it's Paul Newman. That's crazy. fucking Paul Newman not only is he beautiful look at him as Paul fucking Newman it's like you know these are guys you grew up watching like when I was working with Bert a little Bert Reynolds and I said Uncle Bird because what I mean Uncle Bert I said you mind me my uncle I just said something stupid

just to break the ice because I'm looking at what are you saying he was giggling you're all right kid you're right you're right you know you have to know at one level whether you have an ego or not after you know if you did did you ever said do you remember remember the beginning of the original longest year. Oh my god. He smacks a woman. He takes a car. He's got a bite of throat.

He's got to bite a throat. Fucking is, Bart Reynolds. This is America's hero at the time. You know what I'm right? I mean, I grew up, I came from Cuba, and the first thing I seen was Her Majesty Secret Service. So I fell in love with James Bond.

But once I saw fucking, you know, Charles Bronson and Death Wish, you know, I was thinking about the, I was telling Ledy on that I did a joke on stage kind of Charlie B I was wondering why I was never a rapist like I never thought a raping somebody like that you know why was that movie the first time well that image I was such a young man that destroyed my fucking like I'm like that could never happen today if you look at it is disturbed it's disturbing if you look at it it is day even in the 70s somebody getting their ass spray painted and imagine somebody did that to somebody you love you would want to kill them you

would. Yeah. He'd want to fucking get me. He fucked New York up with that movie. He really did. He did. He did. But we watch that movie now, it's like a different, it's like literally like a complete, it's a totally different city. Yes it is. Literally. Literally. There's not, the Bronx is the only thing that looks at. And Brooklyn's the looks the same. They're different kind of people, but the fucking trains, the buses, the cars, the way people dress. It's not the same New York. It hasn't been to New York. I went to, I had to go to a book signing Tuesday. night and I remember driving past that place as a kid there was nothing but rats down there shit hole 21 battery street his box you went down there to get your dick

sucked like by people who were hemophiliacs like they bled to death if you stabbed them with a needle or something now it was crazy it was beautiful you should have seen this place called the black hat nick fucking Cuban joint but upscale cigar room dance room upstairs or durs people bring and your shit. Beautiful. Beautiful. It's a complete different

New York fucking city. Totally different. You know, it's so weird how you have children. They cleaned it up. They did a great job. They did a good job. They were supposed to do.

Listen, we grew through a thing called evolution. We saw things evolve. Times Square wasn't dope. Like, when you look back, it's not like that was a fucking place you went to hang out. When you went to Times Square,

you went with your fucking head. I went there. We used to play. lookie and go there. And I think now, like, I forget half the shit. But I remember going over there with a dude named Paris Piziona

and we went to a peep show. And it was three types of peep shows. It was the peep shows that the window opened. Window goes up there. And they were closed. And there was the one that just had plexiglass and you jerked off. And then there was the one that the window just stayed up and you had fan participation.

A chick would come up to you with a tit that 11 guys sucked on. And for like 35 cents, you let you suck a tit, and you'd be jerking off on your fucking thing. And as soon as you walk out, a little Puerto Rican janitor comes in with a bucket with steaming water, lays it down, he just soaks it. And there you are with your long fucking jacket standing there waiting to go in. Well, he went into the one where the window opens.

And if you don't put a dollar quarters in, it closes quick. He started sucking a tit, and it then closed on his neck. They had to call the ambulance. You know, as we left him there. don't know nobody. We're playing hookie. We can't get caught with this fucking moron. He ran out of dimes.

Who runs on the dimes in a fucking phone booth? You know what I'm saying? Like, for me, it was, I don't know, I dug it. I told you on your podcast. I learned from the three-card Monty. I saw the scam. I learned everybody that you know

or a friend of theirs in 1970 got beat on 48th Street buying a bag of wheat. Here's a bag, five dollars. Don't open it until you get down. the block right cops are watching me you get down the block it's a fucking bag of stems yeah you learned lessons you learned lessons i went to this thing in glendale today a parents thing and with their kids and uh they had a play area first off i don't like alcohol with kids you know what it was okay with me

because it was a different time when you grow old we're growing up wherever the fuck you grew up brooklyn manhattan we ever the fuck you grew up when you walk queen when you walked when you walked When you walked in to see your dad at the bar, they wouldn't say shit to you. Your dad would give you a soda with a fucking, with a cherry. A Shirley Temple. And you thought you were Johnny Bananas.

You were with a bunch of adults drinking a fucking thing. You can't. I don't like that shit. For me, it was good. It worked for me. You know what I'm saying? Like, if we were back in Queens and I needed to give you a message, I'd send my daughter up to, I'm going to sit right here.

Go up there, tell Uncle Nicky to stick his head out, give him a note, you know, something. But today you can't do that. No. Well, they had that. So they had a place. So they had a play area for the kids. My daughter's five. I've been watching it lately.

The deal in the house was, you got it from zero to five, from zero to four, and I take it from there. That's your deal? That's my deal with my wife. And I'm sitting there with her, and I'm watching, and she takes these rings. She goes around and collects all these rings,

and the poor soul, she's just like me. She's an only child, so she lives in her world. She's playing with the rings. There's 20 kids around it. And finally, She throws all the rings in the hole. She takes three of them out. And some six-year-old takes the fucking ring and takes her from her.

And my daughter went to put her head down and get the press. And I go, whoa, take the fucking ring back. You know me? I'm old school. That's it. I said, Mercy, take the ring back. And Mercy looked at the girl, and the girl looked at me. And the parent, the father was 10 feet away with the mother.

And Mercy looked at him. Mercy grabbed the ring back. And the guy goes, that's no way to parent. I go, it's a doggy, dog, girl. I'm trying to raise a daughter here. You know what you do? You do what I got to do what I got to do. They just froze. My wife turned white.

My wife got washed. He said there's no way to parent. When his kids stole the wing? Yeah, when his kid stole the ring. Then I'm sitting there and I see this table. That's the problem with the parents. I see this fucking table of these fucking fat women with dogs. Do you know there's going to be kids there?

They each got two dogs apiece and the dogs start fighting. And they got the French dude, the one gay friend with the steroid up with another pit bull. there now they start fighting that i'm saying if this gets out of control i'm gonna go to the car get the gun and shoot one of these fucking dogs three fat women that should have been walking to arcadian back they're sitting they're eating pretzels and fucking drinking at the bar with dogs nothing bothers me people when you have to bring your dog to lunch i love my dog i love my cat right see me with a cage right right right fucking cat right people have gotten out of control right leave your fucking dog at home people have gotten out of fucking control i'm trying to eat my fucking lunch

and it's eight dogs two feet next to me with kids everywhere I love dogs too but this is a cafe it's a fucking luncheonette you're a fucking luncheonette I know you're fucking it's a dog still you know it's not a human being fucking that fucking dog away now I know he's under the table I got that bulldog now he's always got his fucking face on my balls is bulldog I love him so you didn't I didn't know that about this that Trump was from Queens yeah he's from Queens same place that Nick Tataro and the Tataros are From, think about that shit. My dad used to, well, he's Jamaica Estates, which was a nice area, maybe about 15, 20 minutes.

We were in Rosedale, the end of Queens. But his dad, Fred Trump, my dad knew of him or knew about him because he was a builder, my dad. So he said Fred was like a tough, you know, tough freaking German or some shit like that. Their name is dungf. That's their fucking name. They can't even come back to Queens. Their name is d'nf, but he's right. Imagine if somebody else, anybody else was from Queens, was the president of the United States.

Because people think Queens is like Manhattan. People think like sex in the city. Queens is not Manhattan. No. Imagine a president coming from Queens and that can't come back to Queens. That's crazy. You'd be like if I made it to the president, forget it.

Forget if you made it to the president. I was just on a TV show. If you're on a TV show, people are excited for you in Queens. You're a hero in Queens. Because it's not like even Manhattan where Mikey's from. Manhattan has got status. Queens doesn't have that kind of rep. You know what I mean?

it's like the forgotten borough queens the fucking Dodgers left New York why because they didn't want to play in Queens right that's the truth they ran them out they ran them out because there was a fucking guy who had the that's how bad it was that's right the Brooklyn Dodgers who left town with the New York Giants

you should be heralded it's right if you're from Queens he's right and he can't go back can't even go back to your own fucking place he can't go back Trump goes to Iowa he goes to Florida he'll go to Alabama He'll go everywhere.

It goes to Arizona with his... First of all, the election's over. You won. What's with the pep rally? Yeah. Why don't you come to Manhattan? Why don't you come to Queens? You haven't been home since you won the election.

You're a New Yorker. You don't come to New York and see your own people? He's right. You should tell him that, Mikey. You should say you should come home. Have a pet rally in Queens. I'll see your fucking people. Right.

Come see your people. You know why? Because we know this fuck. That's right. We know this fuck. We know him very well. Did you ever see him in New York? Yeah, I worked for him.

Where? At the St. Maritz on the park. When you were the door man? Yeah. When he met Marlon Mason. You saw Donnie in the morning. And this is when he was, that's what you used to call him, Donnie in the morning.

Donnie in the morning. Yeah, long coat. He said it was, uh, he said she was his niece. But we all knew. You know, we just. Yeah, we all know. He said Malina was his niece? Not Malani.

Yeah, this is Marla. This is going way back. This is in the 80s. Yeah, this is the late 80s. Even when I got on television, he kind of, remembered me somewhat. You know, he pretended to him. He said, ah, you made it, kid, you made it.

I'm so proud of you. Actually, I did the Drew Carey show with him. I did the Drew Carrey as my character from NYPD Blue with him and Marla. And he was hugging and kissing me. He was happy to see me. This was years ago on Drew Carrey. We're in an episode together. That's crazy. Me and Donald Trump. Whoever thought he was going to win? But I told

people, I said, I think he's going to win. I hate to say it. Nick, weren't you here on the election night? I was here with you guys on election night. You guys did the podcast on election night? Yeah. Yeah, not just about election stuff. What do we give a fuck? I got felonies. What do I give a fuck about who wins?

There's no difference to me. I can't vote. What I got to listen to you? Have you met him, Mike? I never met him. I saw him a couple times. I saw him one time in New York. The first time,

Puff Daddy did one of his big parties because he did two small parties, but he did a big one down at Wall Street. I think it was his birthday or some shit. And it was one of these, like, this is when parties started to become, like, events. Big.

everybody was there Jeter was there Mariah Carey was there every fucking rapper every fucking actor white black and Dick Stain Donald was there and I remember

but at the time you didn't think you didn't think much it was just like oh that's Donald Trump like you didn't you gave him that name right Dick Stain Donald

you created that one I created that it's a good name it's good branding yeah I should be able to brand myself as good as I branded that fucking guy hilarious guys

hilarious we got Nick to Toro, Joey Coco in the fucking church. And the Christ Killer and Bouchemey sandwiches. Sending up some sandwiches. Uncle Pets. Uncle Peeze. Uncle Paulie. Uncle Pauli. What do you call him Bushemi?

Well, the guy's name is John. Johnny Bouchemi? His name is John Bouchemy. But the joint is Uncle Paulies. I go here all the time. Not bad. Take a little joint. Beverly Boulevard. Nice. It's got a New York taste. A New York taste. Listen, brother, potato salads to die for.

Is it good? She's not. I don't know what I ate with Lee was delicious. Might get a little hungry. Why didn't you make any sauce, Nick? You knew we were coming. He said he had sandwiches. So I didn't want to overkill it with the sauce. Next time.

Next time. We always slower down. I always bring it in. I have meatballs. These guys love it. I got the dip. No shit. I know you like that sauce.

I'll eat that fucking sauce. Yeah, it's a good sauce, right? Oh, yeah. I was going to make some bombs, but I didn't make the next time. Some what? Bombs, you know, with the blue cheese. You guys tasted it with the pizza dough and I put blue cheese in the middle? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, they're like hand grenades. It's a torturo thing. It's like a fucking Zeppelie with cheese with a little blue cheese. You couldn't make any of that for me, Nick? Just what you need for the heart. You're trying to take care of yourself. Right.

You eat 22 of those fucking things. We both need to drop a little bit. I've been on the drop. You have? Yeah. You look good. It's got to keep going to the gym. Oh, you exercising?

A little bit. What do you mean a little bit? Not enough. Not enough, right? We gotta now. Have you been? I have to. I slacked off because I had a meniscus.

So I've been healing up for my meniscus Yeah Fucking thing took a long time to heal No joke But shave it down Everything's going on me My eyes My eye I had a cataract a year ago

How old are you know 56? Yeah 55 Things are starting to fucking wear out I wish I could trade this body in You gotta start doing you every morning You gotta start doing shit man When you wake up you feel like a truck

Can't get out of bed right I know And I work out I do everything I could do I do everything I could do I drink water I do everything I could do Acupuncture. I froze yesterday. I go to the cryotherapy.

Do you? Is that what did you think of that? Let me tell you something, I don't. Or is it just bullshit? I went in there to Monday, Friday when I got off the plane. Jet blue mint, laid down the whole time, got up just a piss, that type of shit. Got a three-hour night sleep the night before. I got off the fucking plane. I took a shower. I didn't even eat. You know how you feel after that fucking plane? ride from New York. No matter what you did the night before. Listen, I went up to Ventura and fucking to Pankan.

I went over to that cryotherapy and I jumped in there after the flight, three and a half minutes. It's like fucking being a new man. Is it really? What is it? Do me a favor. Do me a favor. Just go after you fly.

Go the next time you get off a plane, look it up on the thing. What is it? The freeze shit. They freeze. We should go together, you and me. You put your favorite song on. What's your favorite song? Name it.

Boom, they got it. You put a fucking robe on. Oh, they encourage you to put a song in to sort of keep you, like, distracted or something? You put your shorts on. You put your own socks because your socks will be sweaty. They don't want none to be sweaty. Oh, it's hot? If you come from the gym and your underwear are going to be sweaty,

bring out of the underwear because it's cold. So your nuts will fucking freeze. So you go in there, you put a robe on, you put mumps around your ears, and you put a cap on, and the whole patois of the thing is to shock your body. How cold is it hurt? 200, not for a second.

What you got to do is as soon as you go in there, you take the robe off and you hang it up, you start throwing punches and breathing out of your nose. They're putting in fresh oxygen. You're breathing out of your nose. Real soft. I don't want you to be the raging bull. Just do punches, and then do calf raises,

and then do squats, squat, squat, squat, in the thing. in the thing. It's good for mobility. What does it feel like? It's cold. I mean, you're fucking freezing. How long are you in it? Three minutes and 15 seconds.

And every minute, they'll go two minutes and you just keep moving. Any exercise you can do in your house, spas. Just to stay warm. Just to stay warm. To lumber up, to make the muscles move. Move a little bit. And then when you get out of the fucking thing. They test your temperature and your body drops 30 degrees.

And now your body has to naturally warm himself up again. All of a sudden, do I believe in the scientist? No, but you got to try this shit. I'm going to try it. It's keeping people alive. Let's meet you go. You know. Do we get nude together, me and Nick?

No, no, no. You stripped down to your, you know, you came in here before and said you had a little trouble last year. Yeah. All you're going to do was pick yourself a fucking, I'd rather you go to a fucking acupuncturist and give them four weeks of your time, then take whatever prescription they're going to give you. I went to cupping, you know, these fucks burnt my fucking back. Well, some people are fucking amateurs.

What's that? That's when they put fire on. And then, you know, the cups, you know, it sucks. And I went to one, it was good. And then I went to another one. It was good. I went back to her. And it was like fucking blistered me up.

Why did you go there? Would you have bad trouble? No. It's like... It's good for circulation. Oh, really? Yeah. Circulatory problems.

I got inflammation, Nick. Yeah, you cup everything. You cup between your legs, you cup your nutsack, you cup your back and calf. You ever get cupped, Nick? And what they do is, if you go to a sports, if you go to a sports one, they move it around back and forth on it. So that's it they keep moving it, and it looks like somebody gave you a hickie. Really? You see a lot on the Olympics and stuff they have it on their backs, like the swimmers and stuff.

It's a big thing. It's a big thing for circulation. You know, the Chinese people, listen, they live forever, those cock suckers. No, they're thin. There's something to being thin. You never got cupped? No, I never got cupped. No cup.

All your years, nobody took their little hand. I had a bulging disc. I had two epidurals. That's what I had. You ever have a fucking epidural? You see the dead. Don't you? All right?

It hurts. It hurts like a mother. But I took the Michael Jackson drug. And then, uh... To give you the epidural? Fantastic. I never had a propitol. The best fucking drug you ever.

Did you feel this? And even with that you get pain? I went to like, no, no. Why do you have an epidural? your back issues? bulging disc a couple of years ago. I bent over. I couldn't get up. I was locked. So I said to my orthopedic,

I said, what do I do? I said, what do I do? Get me out of it? Because you want to get out of pain? Yeah, that's what I've been coming to you for. You're going to get me on the fucking pain? He goes, all right, I'll send you to a pain management guy. You got to be careful. You could turn it to a junkie. No, but I had to have the epidural. And then they said, do you want to have the propitol? I was laying on my back.

Michael Jackson? Yeah, you're out like in 10 seconds. They go, you're going to be right out. 10 seconds. I said, really? 10 seconds you'll be out I said really and I woke up and I was bawling crying Were you? Yeah but I had a beautiful dream I like saw like I was in a beautiful place

Like very happy very melodic Because I scream in my sleep I'm told Curse I say a lot of things Have a lot of imagine So I woke up Joe can you imagine waking up to Nick DeTuro screaming at you No it's bad I would be fucking

He yells in the sleep I yell a lot of shit Yankee stuff You yell Yankee shit? I heard. Listen, when he goes to better than the Yankees lose. I say, like, sexual things too. And if the Yankees lose. Fuck me, I say.

You know, I don't know. That's when I heard. I don't know. If the Yankees. Yeah, yeah. If the Yankees lose. That's what I heard. I'm not sure.

If the Yankees lose, it's like watching narcos and going to sleep. And I have a dog that's always bite me. You have dreams. You're fucking shooting people. Yes. Rubbing it over people. So he goes to sleep. If you ever watch his tweets,

there's always a blame. for who lost a Yankee game. So he goes to bet Angi at that person. Then at the top of he hasn't gotten his dick sucked in three weeks. You know what I'm saying? He's about to fucking die. Blue Bloods ain't calling him back. Can you imagine what he says this fucking

sleep? That's why I got to take a wild calm down. You know what I mean? After the game? Yeah. I need time to like relax and unwind and do a little. Regular season games? Some games. Not every game. It's a long season. I have to

I can't fucking burn out over every game. But I have my moments, you know. I have my moments. Once the fucking chips get real with you. Yeah, then it's, yeah. August, you're a different person. No, he's not normal. You take it more deep and more serious than the fucking Yankees.

If I call you and I say to you listen, I know where there's a check and two Puerto Ricans with BB guns. And the checks got 50 G's cash over there. Be there at 5 o'clock. And I tell you, there's a Yankee game at 5 o'clock. I tell you there's a Yankee game at 5 o'clock, I could count on you to be there for the Yankee before the 50G. Absolutely. This is how fucking bad it is with you.

But that's why I love you, because you're the last of the Mohicans. Michael Rappaport, a few questions for you, which seems fucking odd to me, especially in this world. But also makes me realize where you're from and why I've always loved even, just from watching the movies, it didn't take a fucking genius to knew you were a wild man. there's a lot of actors in your position right now you're still up there you still work constantly a lot of people in your business and your level right now

would keep their fucking mouth shut what makes you the funniest fucking guy when I read you attacking Johnny Mansell when I wake up and I go on your page and I see the Johnny Manzell shit and I'm smoking dope and it's 538 in the moment And I'm on my second cup and a half

Because I only do like a cup and a half I fill it up twice But I'm a cup and a half I'm fucking a howling Most actors wouldn't say nothing Except You know God bless the victims of the Las Vegas Massacre and everything that you want them to hear

Well with the fucking Mansell shit Specifically he You know you heard about this thing with barstool I was with barstool These fuck I don't know Barstool sports And I don't even want to to give them the satisfaction of being mentioned on this because this is like this is like the real

mccoy here i went nick t and joey fucking dyes on the church for my first time and the flying jew and the flying jew that's right they fucking talk about these fucking barstool saturdays for the boy those guys saturdays for the boys how come you were working for those saturdays for getting some pussy that's right saturdays for the fucking boys the boys the boys fucking pussy. My podcast was housed there. There was no working. That's what I was doing there.

Podcast. Just like, where, where's your podcast, Joe? Right here. No, but it, like, is it, what network is it on? Right here. You're independent. Yeah, we're independent. See, good, okay.

I'm my Fidel Castro. I don't work with nobody except the Russian from time of time. Maybe a prescription or a pair of shoes half price. Forget the going down that road. Mansell sort of sided with them publicly during this barstool shit. And I'm like, I've always defended Mansell. Give him a chance. I never really cared that much about him either way.

I didn't have a problem with him. But like when he was in Cleveland, I was like, I wanted him to find a way when he started fucking up. I was like, I was like, this fucking kid. But three weeks before he started talking, you know, before he sided with Barstall, he was on Good Morning America. I'm a changed man. And I have bipolar. Well, when did you get diagnosed? Oh, about June or July.

motherfucker if they if they diagnosed me as bipolar i remember the date and the time june or july you don't remember nothing about the drugs nothing about all this he's a change man and then two weeks later you're talking shit about me michael rappaport when you're trying to get in the nfl you're you're a want to be professional quarterback i'm an actual professional shit talker this is what i do this is my superpower your superpower was being a quarterback my superpower is talking shit and making people so you're just on your tour and you're going to come you're on your fucking

your white privilege apology tour and you're going to try to talk to me you fucking you fucking crackhead and I have no problem like like you fucking cluckhead go go steal some some hop caps you fuck go go go go give me one of your jerseys I'll sell you back one of your jerseys

that you signed you fucking junkie you're talking shit to me me you're trying to get in the NFL You shouldn't even have it. If you're a changed man and you've been through all the shit and the embarrassment that Johnny Manzo, you shouldn't even have a Twitter account, let alone go after me. What do he say? What did he say?

He bought this fucking shirt. They sold these fucking shirts on Barstow that imply I'm a clown and he bought one. I'm a fucking clown. You're a clown? You're a fucking co-cat. Right. You're a fucking pill-popping bath salt sniffing. Motherfucker.

I don't give a fuck up Johnny football. Right. Johnny fuck up is your fucking name. Yeah, that's a good one. You Johnny fuck up. So that happened like I never, I never thought twice any. I never had anything again, Johnny Menzo. But Coco, this is what we do.

We talk shit. I'm not a football player. I'm not a basketball player. My superpower is talking shit. Right. Maybe you don't know that because you're from the stick somewhere. I don't know where the fuck you've been. This is what I do.

You didn't look me up. You didn't Wikipedia. You don't know my reputation. This is what I do. So you want to come in. me. No, you fucking junkie. You fucking cluckhead. Go get some fucking hubcaps.

Okay? And I'm going to sell you back your Johnny Mansell jersey, okay, that you had to sell because you ran out of money because you're taking too many fucking pills down there in Tampa or in Vegas in a blackout. The next time Johnny Mansell will ever be dragged the fuck out of somewhere, it's not going to be off a football field. It's not Rudy.

You're going to be dragged out of a club, you fucking cluckhead. Don't talk to me. He still gets fucked up like that. I don't know. Now he says he's sober and he's sober. You're sober. He's a changed man. Then stay off of Twitter.

Right. Stop trying to bring me now. You're buying a shirt and playing that me, Michael Rapaport is a clown? Fuck you. Right. Cowboy? Fuck you. This guy's, fuck you.

You fucking cowboy. Let me ask you a question. When you go on these movies and TVs, do people pull your side and go, Michael, we've been going through your Twitter account? Not yet. I've never had anything like that. And your periscope and plays you have to tell you. it down a little bit. It hasn't happened.

You know what it is, Joe? It's like there's two, there's two, there's two, there's two me's in terms of professional life. There's, there's me as a regular person and, and there's me as an actor, right? So you go to work, I'm a gun for hire, whatever the fuck. And then since I sort of, you know, I started podcasting and social media and like stuff where I'm sort of being myself, a version of myself, there's that person. And then hopefully they differentiate, they understand that the, the social media,

Michael Rappport and the and the and the podcast shit talk of Michael Rapport is like it's like almost like a stand-up comedy. It's like I'm a comedian. It's like a second incarnation. It just, it wasn't the first thing you found out. At first I started as an actor and then like, wait a second. You're Michael Rappaport, the human being. Right.

You're Michael Rappaport, the actor. And you're also Michael Rappaport, the fucking social fucking savage of death that you are. Right. You found the voice. Right. And, you know, it's so funny. you look at the people, let's say Seinfeld happened during now. Right.

And each character had a podcast each week and talked about their life. You know, you just wouldn't know the chubby dude as being the chubby dude. Right. And once that TV show up to seven years goes off the air, Michael Rappaport still retains 75% of those people that were watching the TV show, even though the show is off the air. We live in such a different world. Totally different. But that's for people who go on.

rap and tell you what you want to hear. I don't give a fuck, Joe. That's what I'm saying. I mean, I give a fuck. I don't want to act like I don't give a fuck because I care. Nick knows me a long time. I'm not a tough guy. You know, I think people that are not from New York,

they think like the way, just simply by the way, Nick, I know Nick doesn't think he's a tough guy, but simply by the way he talks, people go, you think you're a tough guy? Or just because the way we talk and like, they see Goodfellas, they see sopranos, And they think that, but this is how New Yorkers talk. We have, we, we, we, we, we, we sort of punch when we talk, even if we're not talking shit.

Like, it's just sort of, so, so I, I, I give a fuck about what people think about me if they know me. But as far as, like, my, my shit talking about Mansell or we're talking about, like, social stuff or political stuff, like, I've never talked about, like, when I'm talking about sports, it, you have to understand that's bullshit. Like, if, if I, if I'm sitting there saying LeBron this, LeBron, that, you don't think I, you don't think I, know that LeBron James is one of. Oh, I've seen you on TV. You're on tremendous arguments. I'm talking about the fans, though. Like, sometimes they think, you really think

LeBron sucks? I'm like, you actually think that I actually could sit here and say with a straight way. It's like Tom Brady. They get so offended. I go, of course he's the best quarterback. No, but deep down, you know that you know LeBron is great. We all know. Anybody that knows you know, it's just like Red Sox. You're just arguing.

You're just arguing. You're talking shit. And if you're, if you're a Giants fan, I'm genetically programmed. Not to root for the Patriots. It's just like you know all the great Red Sox, but you're never going to sit here and go, I love him. No.

You want him dead. You want him to lose. Michael Jordan, when he came to the garden, Joey, when he was killing the New York Knicks, do you think I was one of these people applauding? Yay! No. Fuck Michael Jordan.

I didn't want to be Mike. I wanted to bury fucking Mike. Exactly. Do you remember the first time he went to the garden? He also had to cover Bernard King. Yes. And Bernard King was fucking him up too. And we'll put the footage on.

Yes. I think there's footage on there. Yes. Bernard King was no joke at that time. Me either. No. That's why you and I am. Bernard.

Bernard is the real deal. I am one of the biggest Bernard. It's Julius, I mean. Bernard was a motherfucker. Took the next seven games with nobody. Listen, they caught him in Jersey. A sleep at a car with cocaine on his shirt. He was ahead of his time with that shit.

They shot him to Golden State. And he went out to Golden State and he fucking went bananas. And he became the comeback play. of the year out there he just went a war right like he just went to a different level he was sobered up and playing sobered up and playing then they brought him back somewhere to the nix from golden state right to the nix and he just became there's a machine what about the week he killed the celtics and somebody else with 60 points he did somebody somebody buried he was tremendous it was unstoppable unstoppable yeah he had that fucked up injury slowed him down and then he came back from

that. But when Jordan, once he figured it out, it was over forever. It was on. No, Jordan is just, that's a thoroughbred. I knew Jordan was going to be a savage in college. When I saw him his freshman year or something, he was the ASEC. Yeah, but did you know he was going to be that good? No, you can never know. No, you don't know. No, but I knew he was going to, I knew he was going to cause damage. A sophomore year, I saw him slam. Yeah. Somebody with this shit. And I went, oh, we're going to have a problem with this. But I mean, with Mikey, you know, there's not. malicious if you know if you know Michael Rappaport he's a passionate he's a fun-loving

trash-talking dude but at the end of the day the guy ain't a mean guy he ain't got a mean bone in his body but there are people that he's right they think you talk a certain way you look a certain way and they say that guy's fucking mean I've had people that say that about me like yeah I'm like no no no you don't understand me I'm not mean hold up I'm just saying you don't understand and they think that you think you're a tough guy I get that oh you think you're tough because the way we speak this is the way you're just simply the the way we speak. Yeah, that's it. It's like saying like, you know, it's like, it's

like if cowboys, like, if you like, it's like prejudice, like if we were like going, oh, this guy with a southern accent, he's dumb. We just assume because he talks like this. We think that's, it's the same thing. It's the same sort of like, whatever. The shit talking is a shit talking. It is what it is. But he's always been doing that. I've always talked shit. He's always been.

Me and Nick met that way. When I met him and I've been arguing with people, I've had death arguments. But, you know, if it's a good argument, it's a good argument. I like it. I like a good argument. If it's legit. Right. If it's legit and it's like you got some value, you know, you got some credibility.

If you can argue, then fucking argue. You want to talk sports? You want to talk specific? All right, then let's get specific. You know, right? But otherwise, if you're full of shit, I'm not going to argue with you. If you want to fuck, we should fuck.

Right. Hey, dude, yeah. Fuck you. You don't know what you're talking about. Here's the big thing. You don't know what you're talking about. Right now, I've had two, two, I'm working with two sets of writers. We start pitching next week, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I have this podcast here. and I come here for twice a week and you know what? Sometimes we get stoned and sometimes we don't depending on who the guest is and Lee we say some outrageous shit on me mostly you

okay yeah I say Joe Joe doesn't fuck around I say some outrageous shit on me He doesn't fuck around You have to go wild What would I do? What would I even if I sell a show What episode are they going to come to me

And said hey You made a thing on your show about some woman's asshole and we got a thousand people who are mad, how long is this going to last? This is, for me, you know, like I said, all right, all right,

file for bankruptcy. I didn't know that. The other people filed for bankruptcy because this is what people want it all along. You hear this conversation we just had? People would pay for this conversation. I'll say one of the good things about Trump and one of the very good things about Trump

is he made it so, he's made it so, he's made it okay. to have said anything you want. So when we talk about, oh, you said an asshole thing, or I said this, like it's like, okay, well, this fucking guy's doing it.

Right. He's doing it daily. Right. Well, at least he's taking that away. I know. That's a good thing. He's taking that away. It's because you could literally, like,

think about, think about, it's been a year. I can't even, I can rattle off a few things, but like there'd be 10, 15, 20 more things where you go, no president could ever. He's, he's trumped himself time and time again

with the, The shit that he said while he's been president, let alone before he was president. He's got these fucking broads coming out weekly. Every fucking week, there's a new broad. Yeah, but you know what the amazing thing is? They've never gotten them. I mean, even with these, he's really like the, he is the Teflon.

I tell you, one thing about Trump, you got to give him credit because he's an animal. He's a fucking savage. Savage. He's better than like a gangster. I mean, everybody's a gangster in their own way. He's the real deal. But he's a real. He's a real gangster, and there's something to be said that he hasn't been nailed.

They're looking to get him. They're looking at the Russians and now broads. I don't think they're going to get him. I think they're going to do. I don't think they're going to get him. Nick, there's too many things. I'm telling you, I think he's going to last the four years. You think, do you think you'll physically last?

This guy? I think he'll, I don't think he'll drop. I think he has no remorse. No, but do you think, like, I'll be totally honest with you. There was a couple times where I was like, I think this guy might. fucking drop dead during a fucking like one of these these speeches and then I was like I don't it's got a lot of energy Mike he's a

savage Mike he's got 70 something he's up all night he when he did that tweeting all night when he did that speech in Alabama the Colin Kaepernick get up off the field you son of a bitch I just happened to be why I don't watch all these fucking speeches I'll watch the highlights I just happen to be was on 515

in LA on a Friday and I watched the whole thing when he was down there and he said you know in these football players you know I want to be like get the field you son of a bitch you're fired i watched the whole speech it was 85 minutes not one time i swear to god you could fucking fact check this now one time joey imagine you're on stage for 85 minutes imagine you're doing this podcast for 85 minutes now one time did he take a sip of water he wasn't sweating and he didn't take a sip of water for 85 minutes and i was like

that's an animal shit just think about that if you do a set for 85 minutes you're sipping water oh you're thirsty. You're sweating. Fuck. If you're podcast and we're going through waters, I was like, this guy might have gotten his saliva glands removed. He's a savage. He's like a, like, he's like a crocodile. You ever spend like around

a crocodile, they're like, these are prehistoric animals? He's a savage. You can say what you want about him and go down there, but I'm just in terms of like the stamina and the not giving a fuck and, and what you got to give him his prop. That's what I'm saying. I respect it. He's a fucking beast. I don't agree

with it. I don't like it. But just in terms of a personality and then the fuck the rappers, this motherfucker, just like fucking fuck the world. He doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't give a fuck. I mean, you know, he's got a point there. You got to tip your cap a little bit. Ani Mal.

Oh, no, I sit here. Right? I sit here and you, if you want a sip of water, 85 minutes. If you watch World News tonight, the first 15 minutes is about him. and I think that he even plays the American public. Like, I think he's, at this point, he's like, watch this. Like, you know what I'm saying? He's just got three people going, watch this.

Yeah. Like, he got that chick. That chick looks like Donnie and Marie went off Nutra Systems. The chick he sends out there that poor poor woman. Joe, I don't say, I don't say, I don't say, poor woman. Let me tell you something. I don't care. They got to give her at least $2 million a year for that job.

They do. Okay. She's an animal. too. Oh, she's a beast. But you know what I don't? She's a fucking beast. Beast, but I'll say, I don't. She doesn't give a fuck either. Sean Spicer, Scaramucci and her

and anybody around him, Jew face Jared and I'm Jewish, his fucking two punk sons, his wife, his daughters, anybody around him, that they're, they're, they're play, they could all suck my fucking dick because they're all guilty. Those are the

Nazis around Hitler. Sarah Sanders, is a fucking, she's just, she's just as responsible as the fucking people that kept things quiet for Hitler. That piece of shit scaramucci, like those barstool fucks. This is, I never said this publicly. When they had scaramucci on their podcast and they treated him like a fucking hero, I knew I wasn't going to last there. I was like, you have this guy on your podcast and you don't hold him to the fire.

You don't, like, they're treating him like he's the pie paper. This piece of shit scaramucci? This fucking scumbag? I don't care that he came in there. He's talking shit. Like, unless Scaramucci's going to write a book to bring this piece of shit down, get the fuck off of my podcast. You're not a fucking hero.

You're a fucking skumbag. Sean Spice is a scumbaggot. Cockguide, Kelly Anza scumbagic. And Sarah fucking Huckabee, she looks like a fucking bouncer at a club. She looks like a fucking bouncer. She's a goon. She could kiss my fucking ass too.

You're all accountable as far as I'm concerned. I'm concerned. Jew face Jared, that little pipsqueak who doesn't speak? That fucking Jew? I never heard his voice. He makes me sick to my stomach. He's a Jew. He's a practicing Jew. His grandparents are Nazi Holocaust survivors.

Oh my God. Like their stories in the Holocaust Museum. I listen to it. And when his father, imagine your father-in-law, your family has your mother, your grandmother and your grandfather, who he knew, they lived long. Nazi Holocaust survival. across survivors. They went through the, they went through it. And your father-in-law sits there after, he's got these white people throwing up, Hail Hitler signs, says there's good people on both sides. Oh boy. Get the fuck out of here. Jared Kushner, you don't say anything about that? You're a,

fucking piece of shit. He's a kind of Jew that makes, I'm Jewish. He's a kind of Jew that makes Jews look bad. He's a fucking Jewish stereotype. You don't say a fucking word. Your father-in-law says There's good people on both sides. And these pieces of shit, tiki torch fucks are throwing up the Hitler sign, the Hail Hitler sign. And you got nothing to say. And your grandparents saw atrocities that people shouldn't see in their life. You have nothing to say, kiss my fucking ass. That's why I can't stand them.

That Jew-Face Jared. Bravo. Fucking Bravo. Michael Rappaport. Putting it like it is. Nick. That's so fucking real. That's real.

You got nothing to say about that? These fucking guys are throwing up. Break their fucking arm off. It's going to be a big knife of ZipRecruiter tonight. How you feel? I need the SAG insurance is good. It's been good to me. For all these years, I've had it.

You're vested. You're vested. You're vested. Yeah, they can't do that. 30 years. Yeah, they can't do Dicti. All right. You're vested.

We need that shit now. Go to Arizona. I'll be in Arizona. You've got to hit 10 years, 45 years old, and you've been there for 10 years. Oh, yeah. You're vested. You're level two.

unless you hit the jackpotting and level one every where's it cheap to live like where should I move after this podcast comes out where you want to move I don't know I'm trying to find it with cheap living Arizona VV where you go you know Florida you know what nobody would Bambardia Cuba at this point they're not commies I love it they're not commies I couldn't go married though yeah you can I'd lose my mother women gorgeous I don't know I haven't been there since I was three I left with a Oh, don't know. No. They've got to be beautiful.

Yeah, it's a different type of fucking, it's a different type of savage. Yeah, it's different. They have to be, I would just, I want to go. We should go to Cuba? I'm trying to get my passport back now. I got to pay a $10,000 fine in Seattle. You can get it, right? Why Seattle?

Because I got through a fight up there at Warrington. When I came down here, I was supposed to go to anger management class. How many years ago was this? 1997. Are you sure it's $10,000 still? $10,000 fine. You need your passport, Joe. Plus, it's probably comedy on the fucking road

for you out of the country. My cousin's own a factory. That's a big club in Cuba. But I'm saying, like, you must be big in Australia. Apparently, Australians, they love, they love. Yeah, they love it. England, they want to hear me. You got to pay that 10 Gs and go worldwide.

Yeah, they want to go to England first. Get that back. Go to Ireland and see the motherland. Go to all those places. Because from what I hear, Australia, they love podcasts. I love comedy. I can't wait to go to China and fucking shit in a hole in the floor. Old school.

Where you open up your butt cheek, little hair comes out. Really? Shit right on the... You know, I got the colitis. Do you have the colitis? The 405 is, it's a freeway to some people at times. It's a public fucking bathroom to me. Like nothing.

You'll pull right over? Like nothing. And just open the car door and kill over. I mean, I don't want people to see me best I could do it. How many years you had that collater? since I'm 17. It's great now. Ulcer to Clydes, right now it's good.

It is good, right? But when it's a flare-up, if I have to go, I try it. No, it's not my choice, but if I'm on the 405, there's no Starbucks, there's no diner around. I can't get off,

I pull right over. Right there. Boom, boom, it's quick. I got it down to a system. It's been here. I'm not proud of it. You're going to the weeds? No.

What are the reeds in the 405? I don't do the weeds. I do a three-point system, Nick. What do you do? So I face out, so I take one door. Right. I open the front door, open the back door. You hide in the doors.

I'm looking this way. So I could see if somebody sees me. Right. It's a three-point system. I'm blocked here. You can't see me here. You can't see me. I see you.

I see it. If you're right in front of me and you can see me, I won't shit. So now I know the car's behind me. I got a door here. It's a three-point system. I patent it. So you've got it down to a science. Down to a science.

It's the three-point public shit system. I got it down to us. Take a solid dump? It's either a solid or it's usually like a like a, Like a blast from the past. A blast. But it's not like a long thing. It's like if you got to go, it's like a...

And I'm not trying to gross to be well. I gotta go, I gotta go. And then I... But it's a three-point system. You want to make sure, because you don't want to get filmed. Talk about lose your career. No, that's bad.

You don't want someone to see you or surveillance... On the side of the road. Yeah. I mean, I took one 25, 30 years ago in a parking lot, but that was because I was nervous and they had...

I thought I had a flight at night or some shit. But can you imagine TMZ? Yeah. And they like, they see you like, Oh, did that, da, that's it. Yeah. Michael, and they show a videotape of me.

I'd be humiliating. About a year. Do you like to piss outside, right? Piss is fine. That's nice, right? But if you're shitting outside like an animal? That's more animalistic. No, but I'm saying, imagine it's on TMZ.

No, it's bad, but what are you going to do? You have a brother, if somebody tapes you on TMZ, all you got to do is listen, I'm not an animal. But we've all had situations when you just can't make it to a bathroom. Right. Yeah, I didn't choose to. Do you think I was proud that I, you caught me, you caught me, shitting outside.

But be careful because everybody's going to get you now. I have a three point system. You got that three point system. I get anxiety at the comedy store one night. Can I sell ads on the show for my three points? I like that.

I had anxiety. Church of what's happening now brought to you by three point system. I had anxiety at the comedy store one night and I left there without going to the bathroom and I'll low cany guys on the way up the hill.

My car was stinking like a fucking barnyard. I was about this shit, but everybody's doing 90. What are doing fighting? It had to be 11.30 at night. And right there, passing Ventura and Laurel Canyon, there's a bank. Yeah. I went right behind the bank.

I pulled over. Right. I opened up the door, the three-point system. You didn't even know you were doing the three-point system. I killed over, and what came out of my ass was pure. Wow. It was like 17 inches. There was peanuts in their fingernails.

I had paper towel I wiped it and I threw it on top of the thing and I shut the door and I'm on my stomach was hurting and I took off and I called Lee and I go Lee I just shit by the bank and let me tell you something I went there the next day to look at that animal

because that's the type of dude I have if I run over here at night I'll come back and take a look let's take a look what happened it was gone like they came and sandblasted it like the people must have like somebody street cleaning

somebody clean I can't go to that grocery store anymore It was across the street It was animalistic I'm a comic I lived in a car Yeah When you're driving eight hours

When you gotta go You gotta go Yeah So I shit wherever Fuck TMZ It's not that you do it full time I'm not proud of it I'm not bragging that I had to sit up

How great would that be to be like In the neighborhood shit It's just shit in front of people's houses Every day There was that woman And leave a note There's a woman in Arizona You ever have to run like

for your life to a bathroom. Happened to me one time in Jersey. I was running and I had... I wish I couldn't make it there on the run. I'm saying you're running and I had diarrhea and you think you made it to the stool but then you come out of there and it's coming down your leg and...

I've had it all. I had it one time from eating these... Terrible. Crabbs. These Filipino's got me sick, man. You know, watch what you fucking eat. Yeah, because they put you to death. No, I don't like that situation of being out

having to go to the bathroom. You know what that happens to me? Then you got to run your neck of sweating. Well, like that's... fly because I take the first fly down. But you have a problem I need about an hour I want to get going and you take that good

two comes to call for your piece of nicotine gum, three or four bung hits you eat a little yogurt or something. But when you fly, when you get on the flight you can't go? I would never shit on a plane. Really? I don't like the shit on a plane. How are you going to go? Michael Rapporteur, you should have a plane. 25 people know it. But Joe, I got ulcerative

colitis. Oh no, no, no, but then you figure it out. No, no, no, there ain't no figuring it out. I told the guy they were like, we're landing. I said, sir, I need to use the bathroom. He said, we're landing. I said, I'm going to shit my pants. He said, go to the bathroom, sir. I tell him like, yeah. I have grown man. If I say to him, I need

to use the bathroom. I'm not in the third grade. I know we're landing. But if I say I have to go and you're not letting me go, I say, I'm going to shit my pants. Okay, sir. It's amazing. I travel with a sleep at me and bag. I'm a pimp. You fuck with me. I just come up to you and go, listen.

I got a sleep apening machine. If I don't get through security, my blood pressure will drop. I'll need to get an ambulance. And they look at me and they go, go, go right through, sir. I do it every fucking time. Yeah, because they know it's not a bomb. I got to get through the goddamn thing. It's even better than clear.

I fly like a doctor. You got the machine, will you? I bring the machine with me because I can't put load it because of my losing. How big is it? It's this fucking big. Like in a box you have it, though? No, it's a little bag strap on. They put my fucking iPad in there.

Oh, you mean for these flights? Yeah. But why would sleep apnea and make you pass out? Listen, you tell them, He's telling what he's telling him. Because I'm warning you. I got a problem. That's better than the Crohn's, right?

It's all, they're cousins. I have an IBS. I have that. Irritable bowel. Yeah. That's in the family of that. Thank God you don't have it. It's all stressing.

It's not good. It's not good, but you would know if you had it bad. You were saying you never got a colonoscopy? No, I'm getting one. You need to go, Nick. And I'm going to tell you something right now. The worst part of Bart, you're going to get put out. Yes.

Yeah, I heard that. Not not. I heard that. No. You have to make it. It's like 500 bucks even with the insurance. Oh, it's okay. Okay.

The worst part about it is the prep stuff. The day before. It's just, but it's like drinking really sour, almost rotten, sprite. You drink it. That's it. It'll start clearing. Did you do the propothal or you did the regular. They're going to put you out on the propothal.

Okay. You're literally, it's going to be like 10 seconds. And then there's no pain. There's no pain after. Nothing. I'm worried about the day before. It's just all diarrhea. It's, it's.

You watch TV. Yeah, you hang out. Watch your best dream movies. Should do it, right? I'm 56. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you don't know, and I bullshit around about the colitis, but you need to know what's inside of you.

Because God forbid my uncle died of colon cancer. And plus I have the collies, and it's hidden. And if you don't know what's going on inside your body like that, hidden in there, unfortunately, and I don't, I bullshit. It's too late. The procedure is not bad. No. When do we go, Lee?

Three years. ago? You did it? You got to go again. Probably close to five years ago because you do it with you're 50. I got to go every year. I'm going to go again. I just had another one. Dona Woolish. Have you ever had anything? Not going to no. I've had little polyps but nothing but I have to go. I've had

Holdy now Mike. 48. I've had Oh, you're not even 50. No. All right. You just turned 48. But I have the colitis though. But you had the colitis. So you're supposed to go when you're 45 to get you need to go. Don't be afraid of it. I'm telling you. I'm not afraid of it. The prep is the worst thing. I just, that's the thing. That's the thing.

bothers me at prep it's it but nick well fucking prep there's no prep no you got to drink i know listen to me it's nothing it's fine it's like milk of magnesium it tastes like fucking it's your to runs it's like milk of magnesium it tastes like sperm you drink one shot at fucking 12 yeah and the other shot at six yeah that's it sleep the night before yeah don't want to sleep too go early too go early nine o'clock go right yeah no six a m but just don't get the three what do you mean if you get in the afternoon you spend the whole or that No, no, no, no, 6 a.m. 6 a.m. 7. Just get the...

Tell them you want the 7 a.m. The first one. Tip-top, Magoo. Get it done. Right over the hill. 6 a.m. That means you're leaving your house at 5. You can't drive there.

You need someone to pick you up. Somebody picks you up. Yeah. You get out of there. You go home, nothing. They send you pictures of your assholes. It's fine. But you got to do it.

Once you get to your asshole, it changes your whole life. Yeah. Because they send you play by play of the camera going outside your asshole. The assholes is the beginning of it. They go in your whole life. Into the tube. You see him go through the big intestines. They're going to see your whole life.

How do you feel after? Fine. Like nothing happened. Nothing happened. Do you feel cleaned out? No. Do you feel like you got a tune up? Nothing.

Nothing. You'll feel relief? No, does your body feel cleaned out? You feel relief? They don't clean yet. Drop weight when he dropped five pounds? Nothing. You know what you'll feel though?

You'll, you know what you'll feel good that you got it done? Yeah. Because you'll go, I don't have anything. I'm going to go again. You'll just know. I just got a colonoscopy. I'm 56 years old. I did what I was supposed to.

there's no problem with that. We got enough things to worry about. Right. There's other things I might have to worry about, but at least that would be... Get the colonoscopy. I say, every man, 40 or over, get the colonoscopy. Spend the few hundred dollars to get the stuff put out because it is... It is...

When I first had my first colonoscopy, I'll never forget it. I was 17 and I wasn't 18, so they couldn't put me out. And they did it without the medicine. And this is 1987. Very, very, very, very, very painful. Oh, my God. Very fucking painful. painful. It's just

it's just it's it's people go oh you it's not getting fucked it's just you it's like having a terrible terrible stomach egg while they're looking at you. Right. Give me anxiety Mike no no get the pain to get the medicine it's nothing I did it already I did it I got to go back

I got to go back I got in fact I was gonna call the doctor in law to try to get a physical next Monday at 830 you got to go back I go to the first one tip top Magoo finger in the ass blood early no breakfast just water I had the finger in the ass I never had the colonized you gotta do you. The finger in the ass is...

That's no big deal. The thing about the finger in the ass, Joe, is I'm talking to you, right? Like, let's say I'm like we're here doing the show. And then, you know, I'm like, okay, Joe, I've got to check your prostate. And like, I'm still talking to you and like you get naked. I feel like out of respect to you, I'm not going to continue the conversation like I don't have your finger up your ass. Like, my doctor will talk to me like, how's your summer?

And then I'm doing it. And then while he's got his finger on my ass, we're continuing to talk about my summer vacation and I'm like, no, let's let's just, let's stop speaking now and let's not try to act like you don't have your finger, not just a little bit in a friendly way on my ass. You have it all the way up my ass. I don't want to talk about my summer break. Let's just, let's just take a break for a second. Let me wipe myself up. Let me get my dignity back and then you could ask me how my kids are. Right. Because I don't want to talk about my kids while you have a full finger in my asshole.

Right. You understand, Nick? Now your stomach, do you have a certain diet or what? You know, I've been really good in the last three and a half weeks. Three and a half weeks? Very good.

Recently. Because I did a fasting thing where like I did this fast for the colitis where you ate like nothing, pretty much nothing. And it's called a cell rejuvenation thing. And my doctor told me to do it.

He goes, when you don't eat for three days the body, this is how he sells it to me. He goes, the body thinks it's starving. And the doctor says it to me. And it prepares itself to die. I go, kind of, this is how you're selling me on the fast?

He goes, yes, but when your body is starved to a certain point, it prepares itself to die. And the cells in your body, it kills them off. And what starts to happen to, so the body survives, it creates new cells. So this diet, it's basically tricking your body into thinking you're dying. It creates new cell rejuvenation. So as far as the colitis and the damage in my colon, it helps rejuvenate the cells in there to sort of make fresh cells.

So I started doing that and I've been good since. It wasn't that hard not to do. What did you have? Water? It was water, very small meals, like small little health bars, like little snacks, like 10 olives. Did you have coffee? No coffee. No coffee.

but you didn't really eat for like three days. Five. Five days. But I was fine though because the stuff that it gave me gave me enough energy and like when you're cleaned out like that your energy goes up. Yeah.

No, maybe I should try something like that. Go get the colonoscopy first and then take it from there. Yeah, just get that done, right? Let's start with that. Because you're like a brick Nick. Me? You're like a fucking brick.

I got to make sure there's nothing going on in there. No, I've had a lot of stomach. Are you able to use the bathroom? I go a lot of. lot. I go like two, three times in the morning. I get up. But like you must shit like bricks. I see, like you shit bricks. No, I either shit really hard or I shit really soft. Like hard balls, like soft. Yeah, sometimes. I can see Nick taking big softball shit.

Sometimes very soft and very and then very hard. You sound like a fortune teller that. No, but I mean, and then I look at my shit and I look. You have to. I look at it when I'm wiping. You have to. I look at it. I look at the color. Because you have to know what's coming in and out of you. Yeah. I have to make sure you're healthy. No, I definitely have, I get, I don't, I'm not plugged up, I'm not constipated. So at least that, at least I'm able to shit. That's one good thing. I get it out. It's just the quality of this shit that I want to be nice. You want a healthy stool. I want a nice stool and I don't, I don't really ever get like great stools. I get, you know, sometimes I get a beautiful stool and I go, oh, wow.

That's a nice shit. I'm very happy. When I see that shit, I'm very happy. But most of the time, I'm disappointed. It's either too hard. I don't have enough roughage. Yeah, you want healthy It's called a healthy stool. It's too soft. It's too soft. I'm going to name our production company, Healthy Stool Productions. I hate to talk about it, but.

I'm sorry. Well, the people want to hear. Yeah, I mean, my stomach and my shits are important. You need a healthy stool. I have what you call a leaky gut, which is not good. What the fuck does that mean? No, just I named it. It's just like you have a bad.

No, there's a thing called Leaky Gut syndrome, yeah. Oh, I don't know. Somebody told me that. I don't want to say who, but somebody told me. Told you what? Something about leaky gut. Now it's in my fucking head. Sounds.

It sounds rough. One of these people that know everything, you know, they know everything. You say something. Oh, the LCOLE internet, the Google. Yeah. Yeah, that's what, the worst thing is reading Google. I get deathly afraid. Everything I read, I think I'm dying of something.

It's terrible. I Google this. I Google that. It's not good. Don't do it. It's not good. Because I'm a little bit hypochondriac as it is. I mean, I thought at times I was dying many years ago.

I thought I was dying when I was a young guy. They took me to donate my blood, me and my friends took me one time. When are you talking about when you're in a teenage? Yeah, no, it was 20s. My 20s, I thought I was going to die. I thought I had everything wrong with me. You just convinced yourself for that?

I convinced myself I was dying. And my friends and my mom said, take him to donate his blood. Just in case? There's nothing wrong with this kid. And I was losing weight. I had this. I had every symptom there was. And I thought it was over.

And I thought, and then my legs were shaking when I donated the blood. And then they told me, you're fine. You're okay. And I was able to breathe again. I really thought I was dying from. a few years there. I did something stupid. Then I read something. What did you do? It was stupid. I don't want to go into it. I did something stupid. I did many stupid, but I did something stupid. Then I read something. No, I, something not good. Anyway, then I read something.

What do you do? I don't want to say what I did. Tell Joe. No, I'd rather not. I'd rather keep somethings to the mystery. So I read it. There's no mystery. There is a mystery. There is a mystery. That's not for the world to know. Tell Joe. No, I can't tell because this is public. I can't say it. I just talked about shit. No, this is, this is different. This is different. Shitting on the 405 is humiliating.

No, no, I'd rather not say that. I took a shit on the 405 on my way over. But no, but this I thought I was going to die of something. From what? What can you pause? Yeah, what was it? It doesn't matter. I read something. Did you suck somebody's dick? No, I never did that.

What'd you do, Nick? No, just, what happened? It doesn't matter. I was okay. The point is, you know, you can convince yourself. Yes, you can. The mind is the strongest thing. The mind is very powerful.

Control. controls everything. Yes. Trolls your body, controls. It's amazing as I'm getting older. How old are you now, Nick? 56. A couple weeks ago, I got into an argument with my agent,

and I love him dearly. I love my agent with all my heart. He called me, and I was so pissed that I actually, he called me like at six, and I was so living at the question that I actually took off and went to 630 Jiu-Jitsu. What was the question? He called me about ticket prices.

What I didn't? the ticket prices to be. After I've told them a thousand times, how come I don't... When you're doing a show, asking you what you need to ticket prices do. Right. I got you. A thousand times. Got you.

They want you to charge this. And I don't know. I want to charge this. Got you. I'm at this point in my career. Let me charge this. They always want to charge $10 more. And then when you're not selling tickets,

they move on to the next person. This is a level. This is levels. You go up in tears. You know what I'm saying? Right. You can't fucking Magic Johnson me. you can't be at fucking 51 year

and then next year I go for the same tickets $91. Fucking Magic Johnson. Yeah, that takes the table. The Dodgers. We're giving you two tickets at Costco. Two tickets, I'm not a mooch, Michael Rappaport, but I'm not a big, lose my baseball mind anyway.

But I will tell you one thing. If I'm sitting here stone, just sitting here staring at your fucking ass at 11 o'clock. And I got two tickets, two parking spots, two sodas, two sodas, hot dogs and two popcorns of 50 bucks, we're going to Dodger Stadium. Right. I would go to Costco and buy three of those cards. For $150, I would go to three games every summer. They always upgrade you.

Do they? Yeah, you don't give a fuck who's in town. Half the time you go, it's hat night, umbrella night, whatever night, and you go. Guess what? That entice me to go to Dodger games. Now, for me to give you $61 or whatever the fuck you want and sit all the way up at the top and risk my life. Fuck that.

You risk your life. You go up there, you get three angry Mexicans and the Dodgers lose. You go off the balcony. I don't need that in my life, so I don't go. Are you a baseball fan? What did I just say, Michael Rappaport? I grew up a vet fan because of my mother. But I'm saying, you dig the games enough to go.

Listen, if me and you get stoned to the gills. I won't go. And your wife's not coming home till seven. And my wife's doing something with the baby. I'll take a nap. And there's a one o'clock game. No. Listen to me.

I'll tell you why after. Listen to me. We will go to the first game. We'll go to the game. We'll get there about a quarter of the one. I don't want to go. We'll get tuned up. All right?

We'll sit there. We'll watch. We'll watch five endings and we'll get the fuck out of that. I'll tell you why I can't. Why can't you do it? Baseball to me, going to the park, even sometimes football, and I love football, sitting there, especially during the day. in the fucking baking hot sun.

No, no, no. See, that's what you got to pick the right day? What do you think? I'm a fucking Joe Mook. Joe, I can't sit in the sun. I fry. And I don't like fucking baseball on top of it, so I'm sitting there literally

catching skin cancer. Five innings, don't cancer. Five innings in the sun, you know what I got? I got blisters. Why don't you just go to a night game? Well, I don't want to see it. I don't care. Maybe you like a night game.

No, no, no. I don't want to go. There's always a section of the stadium that has a shade. I need that. You have no, no, no. One year, Ralphie Mae bought tickets, August, the Rocket. What's his name? The guy from Boston.

Clemens? That fucking Hillbilly? Clemens was pitching against the Dodgers, and we were right on the field. It was 108 degrees down there. Three innings, we lasted. Three innings. When he was in his prime? In his prime?

It's unbearable to sit out there. Too much. During the day. Unbearable. I went to a Dallas-comboar game once. Giants were playing Dallas, in Dallas, opening, day. I'm there doing comedy. One o'clock game. In the new stadium?

No, no. The old stadium, this had to be 15 fucking years ago. This had to be 15 years ago. Getting cooked. No, I'm in Dallas eating fucking seafood. I went to Addison, Texas, every year, twice a year to do comedy, and you learn the hot spots in town.

The name of the place is the chuck and jive in Austin. The Shuck and Jive? In Addison, Texas. Fucking delicious gumbo. That type of shit. And the guy knew me. The bartender, that walking there when they're 1130,

he goes, hey, kid, some guy here left a ticket opening day, Dallas Cowboy game, go on the field. That's nice. It was like on the 20-yard line. I went down there, 100, fucking 20 degrees down there.

I don't care who's playing. I lasted a quarter and a half when I went home. Who can do that? But I know, I know, but at least you go. Yes. You make an appearance.

Yes. Now, how were you at Nick Games? I'm in a fucking kid. pig and shit. Basketball, I'm a pig and shit. Football, I'm a pig and shit. But basketball, because it's in, basketball to this day, and I've been to so many games, I've been to fucking practices. Watch the players play. I'm like, like, I was just at a Golden State Warriors practice. I was like, what the fuck is going on here? Like, I'm elated. I'm watching these guys shoot around. Basketball, I'm happy as fuck. But I'm not a big baseball guy. But basketball, to this

day. Have you seen a good baseball game and, like an important game ever in your life? If I went to you with you... Maybe if you went with me to a good game, a good crowd, maybe like a Fenway or somewhere. That would be different. That would be different. Sit on the green monster. That would be different.

We'd love it. You know what I mean? Take the ambiance before the game. But I'm just, you know, I'm not a fan of baseball. But you could become one. I could definitely become one. Could become one. And I want to see the Yankees do well.

I'm a fan of the Yankees. You consider yourself a Yankee. You're a fan of the United. You are a fisherman? No. You're a fisherman? I'm addicted to them? No.

No, I went once or twice. I got this. Again, again, four guys get together. Right. Case of sodas, a couple sandwiches. Get tuned up before that. Get tuned up before that. Sit out there with a thing.

Even if the fucking fish don't show up. It's not about that. No, I got it. It's about sitting there for three innings. I get it. And breathing and watching what's America's all about, watching kids. Green grass. I got you.

A couple of cold ones. I think that what they've. A little tune up. See, the ass of shit that pisses me off is that the American family, the New Age American family, can't enjoy baseball game. They can't afford it. That sucks. A family of four. What's the cheapest?

What's the cheapest Laker ticket? 1-91. That's insane. And you sit by the air condition. For each one? Yeah, 190. Lateeat. No.

No. No. Yeah. For one ticket? For a leg again? Cheap. High, guys. I remember one.

That sounds high. That sounds expensive. It's like 120 or something. That's fucked up. Christmas Day one year. They want it 188. Well, Christmas, though. That's Christmas.

It's whoever. Still 200 a ticket by the air conditioner. Yeah, fuck that. The air conditioner falls on your head. You feel like Rudy Tomjanovitch. Now, you go back to the garden. There's this still that you don't go there now. No, I banned it.

I banned it. I won't go. You banned it? I won't go to Madison Square Garden until the Oakley situation is cleaned up. With the bad on it. What's his name, Dolan? I won't go. And now, I know they, since I started, you know, I used to,

I mean, you know, this is the same, like, this is the same thing with all the social media stuff. But I'm a Knicks fan. But being a Knicks fan doesn't mean being compliant and not questioning the fucking team. Right. I did a goddamn 30 for 30 when the garden was in there on the Knicks. Fucking, I'm a Knicks fan. But when it starts to be shit, I have the right as a fan to say, this is shit. And the Knicks, if they have a right to go, well, we don't want to give you free tickets.

And I go, fine. No problem. So that's where we are. You're still rude for it. I'm still. I still want to. him do good but when they banned Oakley from the garden I won't go back

whether it's free tickets bought tickets your tickets Joey Coco Diaz tickets until Charles Oakley is allowed in Madison Square Garden because he's the quintessential Nick you don't let Charles Oakley that would never happen imagine the fucking Pittsburgh Steelers going oh well Jack Lambert

isn't allowed to a game now what was the beef what was the beef with why did they do that in many ways I think I think Oakley was saying I mean And Oakley, listen, he'd be the first to tell you. He's had problems with the Knicks. But all those 90 Knicks have been treated bad by Dolan.

LaTrell Spreewell, all of them have had problems with them. So Oakley was at the game, and he probably was a little fucking, you know, a little feisty. And Dolan, like, sent his goons over. And the goons came over and were looking at Oakley. And I imagine it was somebody like this. I imagine the goons are looking at Oakley. Oakley's like, what the fuck are you looking at? Because he's a goon.

They come over to Oakley. He stood up and he's like, get the fuck away from me. And then you saw what happened. Right. I mean, to take the man out like that in that fashion, that was just wrong. And then even after that, let's just say that was the worst of it. We should have a sit down. I apologize, you apologize, we move forward.

You don't start saying he's an alcoholic. We're going to press charges to Charles Oakley. Right. Yeah, that's... Charles Oakley? No, he was a fucking loved Nick, beloved neck. He's on the floor, diving for Nick's fucking for loose balls. Charles Oakley gave his heart.

It was a bad night. It was a bad situation. Let's fix it. Right now. You don't press charges against the fucking guy. Because some goons came over and he finger pointed him as hey,

Charles Oakley, of course he's going to finger poke you in the fucking head. Of course. It's his fucking manhood. Is that stake over there? He's going to punk out. Oakley? In the place where he was fucking smashing picks

and grabbing rebounds? But to do that to the dude, to do that to the guy, to embarrass him like that. And then to continue. Because it was a. bad night. I thought it was squashed. I thought they could, but it's still like seems like it's not squashed really. He ain't allowed in the garden. He's still not allowed. He don't go. I don't go.

Fuck that. Michael Rapaport. That's good. You are as passionate as can be. That's why I've always loved you. You don't fuck around. Let me give some shoutouts. Hold on. Hold on to that thought. First off, the church extends their condolences to Cleo. A dad passed. If you know, Cleo from Twitter, send you a love when one of us suffer. We're all suffer. You understand me? And that's what the church is all about. Cleo, we love you. Number two, the Hubster. Thank you for the beautiful

card you gave me this last weekend in Nyack. And for everybody who came out to the shows, I'm sorry about the thunder and the snowstorm and whatever the fuck it was. I want to give a shout out to Tabith to Stevens, my little brother Andrew Nandial, Daniel Fenton,

Edgewater, Edgewater, pool and spa, El Barbon, Tommy of L. Long's word, Philly Godfather, Hosen Hagen, and Bouchemmy's Deli. No, hold on. Uncle Pauli's. Uncle Pauli's, Uncle Pauli's deli,

Beverly Boulevard, and also to my girl Meg, my little Indian queen. Don't forget this Saturday night, 9.30, the Ice House working out with Uncle Joey. Tickle to be up Monday afternoon, ready for you. and then we also got Tuesday night Netflix 930 at the comedy store it says 16 comics on it

sell that motherfucker out let's go let's do it the church sell the fucking place out and that's it right now don't worry about the rest Santa Casino's sold down I'm sorry New Mexico and that's it and that's that yeah Michael Raple how long have you been doing your podcast for three years

three years and you love it I love doing it you love the voice I love it I love it. It's so much, I just love the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, when you can't do it, you know, and it's such an outlet, you know, and it's such a, it's such a fun place to get, sort of gather your thoughts and articulate your thoughts. And, and, and, and, you know, I was listening to your podcast before I even started doing a podcast. You know what I mean? And, and, you know, when, when, when weasy, I think my dog was barking and you said, you know, if weezy, you know, if weee If we're barking, it's a podcast. If the police's sirens, it's a podcast. If you spill your drink, oh, fuck, it's a podcast. And when we were recording, when Weezy was barking, I've always been like, ah, shit.

But now since you said that to me, when Weezy's barked, I just, like, because it's true. It's just a, you know, it's like a personal diary. The style that, that I do, which is similar, it's like, it's like your diary. It's your thoughts, it's your ideas. It's your highs. It's your lows. It's your colonoscopy. It's your fucking, you know.

And that's the thing I love about doing it. It's, uh, I, I, I, I don't know how to do it any other way, but I, I, I know I didn't want, I still remember listening to a Red Fox album and your, whosoever album you were listening to it, that kid that was cool, but for some reason this fucking album went like this and it skipped a little bit. but I still remember that needle, that and I still remember what that felt like as a kid. And then they cleaned it up over the year. The imperfection of it.

The imperfection of it is what I like. When you listen to the old, whether it's Jackie Gleason tapings or Lenny Bruce, it wasn't the perfection. It was the imperfection. We live in a world today that we have Netflix, so we're so used to watching, watching, watching, watching.

And every Tuesday they release a new special Netflix. And every Tuesday you're forced to watch it or whatever, comedy or whatever. And I love it. I love that concept. But what I hate about that concept is that it neglects the gift of listening. I agree. I love that. I agree.

I've always loved those photographs of people sitting around a radio listening to the Green Hornet. One man doing 10 voices playing and celebrating. you a fucking show. You know what the concept of that is? A man's voice selling you a show. Now, we all four of us, I don't know Lee, I know all of us. Come on, Lee.

Somewhere we listen to Howard Stern. Yes. He destroyed a generation with what he was saying and he was interviewing and have you ever been finger-banged by a midget and, you know, just... I wish.

And now, now it's a different fucking realm. Now it's a different realm. just because you play a gay character and a cop show Michael Rappaport? Now you have a podcast that comes out every Monday with you rambling about fucking whoever. Right.

And they're like, wait a second. We thought he was gay. Right. Do you follow him saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't have that interpretation anymore. What I thought of Lieutenant, he played Lieutenant Rodriguez. Yeah.

There's a direct... What was it? Detective Martinez. Detective Martinez. So right away, I'm watching him. I'm watching NYPD Blue. Okay? Think about this today.

Think of how different it was. I'm watching NYPD Blue. And one day I'm in the city. I'm about to go to a Yankee game and I walk up on Detective Martinez and I'm Puerto Rican. Is that how you guys met? No, no, no.

But think about this concept. I'm Puerto Rican. And I'm watching this guy every day going, wow. He's fucking Puerto Rican. I'm not even. And I'll tell you how crazy it gets that for Spanish people, we actually believe, we'll make believe Taturo's Puerto Rico's.

His name is Nick Taturo. That's Nicky Taturo from the Bronx and shit. Yeah. I know Nicky Toon. And one day at a Yankee game, they'll go, oh, yeah, partner. Right. And you'll go, what's up, man? Yeah.

Yeah, I'm Nicky Tatour. I'm really Italian. Right, right. That'll never happen again because they know everything. If he's Detective Martinez, he still has the Nick Tatour show on iTunes every week. what a different genre would be now to have a TV show and one hour of your week go on there and tell people what you really thought. You know, sometimes you're going to step on people's toes.

It happens. It's amazing how time has changed. Yeah, and how Michael Rappaport star the fucking TV endless. Nick Toto, same fucking thing, TV series, Emmy nominated. Right now, the biggest voice in society is this. Yep. Because as we both know, you know,

if you're sitting in this town anymore, waiting for the phone to ring as an actor, it's tight right now. It's tight for a lot of people. It's over. It's tight for a lot of people. It feels like, you know, it feels like a different world.

It feels like sometimes like, wow, did I have a career? You know? I know I did a lot of shit, but I don't know if you feel that way, I just feel like, wow. It's like you call up and people like, Oh yeah, I remember this.

It's like nobody remembers. I mean, something people do, but it's really like, like we were talking about this with my brother. Sometimes people come up to you and they go, hey, how you been? Go good. They go, I haven't seen you in a while. What do you mean you haven't seen me?

What do we know each other? Like where you been? Like did you die? Did I pass away? I passed away, right? I'm fucking dead. Where you know, but I haven't seen you? You're like, what are you doing?

You know, watching, you're like, what are you doing? What are you doing with your life? When did you take a shit? Right. Why do you ask me what I'm doing? Right. I already had a life. I had a career.

What the fuck did you have? What am I doing? But I haven't seen you. You haven't seen me. Get the fuck here. You haven't seen me. Do we know each other? You know what I mean?

I love Nick. Some guy said to me years ago in Pennsylvania said, does it bother you when people don't recognize you? And he was trying to piss me off. This is when I was more. No, this is when I was like, and everybody knew me. And I said, no.

I said, does it bother you? I just said it to him, not in a bad way. And he goes, oh, you got, you got an attitude, huh? You got an attitude? I said, no, I don't have an attitude. You have an attitude. You came at me. I said, I didn't come at you.

My wife said, oh, hey, listen, hey, fella, he was being nice to you. I said, that's right. I was fucking being nice to you. You know, I mean, if you had said that, you know, put it that way, you would have responded that. But people are fucking weird, man. People are, and I usually try to be nice to everybody. You know, I'm not like a guy, like my brother's a little standoffish.

Sometimes he's good for being that way It's good for being that way But it's a different world now It's like you know You feel like wow Well where do I fit in Yeah That's why the podcast

Well like you guys have found your voices more Which is good because you know Every Tom Dick and Harry can do it But you guys are doing it better Because you've actually lived And have something to fucking say And when you do the podcast You gotta bang him in the ass

Yeah you bang him in the ass Right off the top Bang those fucking boss stole bum Right in the ass on it man. Right in the fucking dump. You could do. Bang him right in the dumpper.

Yeah. Just the stories you have about being a doorman in New York City. I think John Gotti lives in the building. Godi, I watched this car. I fucking died. Did you really? I met everybody. Yeah.

At the St. Regis? Yeah. John was there? Johnny G. came out with all these mobbed up guys and said, leave. Real galvones? Real galvones. I couldn't even get near him.

And they said, leave the car here. No problem. My mouth was. open. I met so many movies, but when I saw Goddy, John Gotti, I was like, I was, I'm telling that, I was like Star Street. Was it the real thing? The real thing. It's fucking scary and charisma like up the gazoo. This is when he was like at like in his fucking, yeah, did John Gotti when he was the Teflon John. I watched his fucking car for like 50 bucks or whatever. I didn't care. That's crazy. I was fucking great because the world used to pass me by. The world would come

by me. How old were you? I was, and when I was a doorman, in my 20s. I was like 23 to 32. You know, people used to love to come by and just watch me. Sometimes I said, I love to come by and watch you. Because a lot of times I wasn't even, you know, I would just be down the block. They'd say, where's the doorman?

You see the guy talking down at the plot? That's the dormant. They used to fuck around. But I used to just, you know, I love people. So I used to love that. I seen all kinds of people from the top to the bottom. You know what I mean? I was out there, people, Al Jero.

one time was crying on me. He was telling me his problem. Really? Al Jiroe. Yeah. Yeah. What was he crying? I don't know. He was fucking drunk. He was like, why he came back. He was depressed. Yeah, he was drunk, man. I was like,

Al was crying. Billy Joel lived there. Wow. Fucking first thing. That's it. Yeah. Billy would come out, man. It'd be like 50 people waiting for a cab. And I'd take Billy before everybody. Hey, hey, hey, hey, take it easy.

It's Billy. It's Billy Joel. I told everybody. Take it easy. I got to take care of Billy. You know. Billy man's first date with Christy Brinkley I was with him He had balloons

He's all excited Nick I'm so excited Are you serious? Yeah I said what's the problem So I'm going out with Christy Christie Brinkley you believe that I said yeah you're Billy Joel The fuck's wrong with you

Yeah you're right Nicky you're right Fucking Billy Joel Yeah fucking Billy Joel man You were my I used to go to Nassau Coliseum And watch him All of a sudden Billy was my boy

Did you see him in NASA Coliseum I did I did I knew all his songs That's cool And he wrote that album there That's when he met Christy Brink. That's crazy. Yeah, he wrote it there.

I couldn't believe. He was going out with, what was the album, Fierston? He didn't know who to pick. He put it in. Oh, yeah. He had a good fucking run, Billy. Yeah, he had a nice one. He's still plugging, right?

He's plugging now, and now is a regular man? He just had a baby? But he think he just had a baby. He just had a baby. Yeah. And he's about to sell out. The garden? I just saw the commercial when I was there.

I don't know what number in a row. It's like 50, 60? Yeah. Something up there in a row. In the garden? Yeah. He has a residency or something. He's crazy to just have a baby.

Mick Jagger just did that too. Can you imagine have a baby at 80? I had a baby at 50 and I feel guilty. And imagine in 30 years, de us regrouping. We have a friend that his father had him when he was 74. And he had two kids after that.

That's an animal. Spanish dude. Spanish people sling dick. They'll spread roaches like nobody. They don't give a... They can still do it. 70, huh? Still suck.

Somebody I just talked to how father just had a kid in Puerto Rico. His father was 70. Had a chick with a 40-year-old. God bless him, man. How's your shoot, Nick? It's all right.

How's your shoot? I still get a Woody, you know? Yeah. It's not bad for 56 year old. Are you still shooting? I shoot, but not the same. You know, I don't shoot blanks, but, you know, it is what it is.

I try to eat my natural testosterone. I have met. What's natural testosterone? Vitamin. I take those vitamins. And you shoot. I shoot. You go from GNC. Chocolate's good. Chocolate works. To shoot? Yeah, dark chocolate is good. You go from GNC. I go to GNC.

Get the Nugensics. Get the Nugentics. You take a couple of those and you get you ready to go. What the Nugensics? What is it like the instant action? It's close to it without all the side effects. You know? You don't want the rubber dick. No. But, you know, you ain't 25 no. No, you can't choose. No, unless you take the pill. Now, do you lift weights when you do the Nugetics?

No. What do you mean? Lift weights. Why? Why is supposed to work out? That gets everything going. To get, like, what if you did push-ups? Listen, for years, I was, I mean, I was clean at that point, five years.

But I rehab, I rehabbed my knee. I tore my meniscus. And the guy goes, go to a train, insurance, will pay. half of it and this chick had played the WMBA. So she was telling me, she was Joey, I'm gonna do things a little different with you. You're heavier, but don't worry about it. She did, she strengthened my fucking knee doing a bunch of stuff. But towards the end, we started to do a deadlifting and squatting.

That's good shit. And I was drinking protein powder from GNC, the waybolic male protein powder. And six months later, my wife came to me and said I knocked her up. I was with a nine years before that. Nothing ever happened. Wow. And I was with another brother before that six years. And nothing ever happened.

And you were skeeting. What do you mean skiing? Like you were you were fucking. I was fucking, but I was also snorting coping, not taking care of myself. But I always believe something. Huh. That's why I believe the, like I go to an acupuncturist, and she was telling me one time. I asked her.

I became friends with her. And I said, do guys ever come in here strengthen their unit? And she goes, there's a thing we could do for you. Why? I was just put needles in a bunch of places in your feet and your toes. I don't have a problem with that.

And they'll get your dick hard. But she goes, listen, I go there, they're backfire. She goes, I had one guy. He actually came in here and said to shut it down a little bit that he was going too crazy. You'd open them up. It opened the job.

I got the vasectomy. Yes, you could go forever now. How many children? Two. Yeah. But when I got divorced, I was in, I can't remember where I think I was in Chicago. I was with this girl. I didn't know her.

You went OJ. You had bumped into OJ. Yeah. That's what he flew into Chicago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was with this girl going raw dog. And I swear to God, Joe, while I was having sex with her, I started thinking about Sean Kemp. You know, because Sean Kemp had a lot of kids.

And I was like, like, I was like, you're going to. you're going to wind up, if you keep fucking around like this, you're going to wind up getting a girl that you're just trying to have a good time with pregnant and your life is going to be changed. This is after I already had two kids. And then I was like, a friend of mine had already gotten a vasectomy. I asked him a couple of months later, boom. Got the vasectomy.

Oh, I see. So you can't. I issue puppy water. Puppy water? Yeah. So all those years you were doing those movies early on, you were slinging big raw dick. Yep. You didn't give a fuck, Jack.

No, when you're in the 20s, you don't give a fuck. Yeah, when they knock on your door, you're like, come on and swallow the fucking load of life. But then when you're after you're like, I don't want to have an illegitimate child in Chicago. Right. Or Iowa. Yeah. Or Texas. Or wherever the fuck it might be.

Atlanta, Florida. Who knows where? New York. Yeah. I don't want it. Right. I don't want to be Sean Kemp. And I love Sean Kemp.

I don't want to be fucking have some kid that I don't know. They ever call you? They ever call you and tell you. Nope. Knock on wood. That I might be. They all. You shoot loads on their tities, though.

Well, I mean, no. Then, yeah, I did. Then I did. But now, I mean, I'm married now, but there's no, you could do whatever you want when you have to vasectomy. It's, there's no, if I can't knock you up,

I'm not going to waste my coming, your fucking pussy. I'm going to shoot it in your hairdo. I'm going to do something dirty. I'm going to shoot in your ear. It makes it fun. There's nothing like it, though. Like what?

When you... Come in somebody. Yeah, it's the best. Oh, yeah, it's tremendous. And when you... Yeah, but when you know that you can't... There's no babies. You feel cheated when you pull out?

No. No, it feels the same. Yeah. And you know what I don't... You know what I'm not doing? I'm not thinking the next three days, four days, four weeks, going, that girl that I... But I'm a married man.

Those days are over. Yeah, you're done. Done. happily done had enough how long you've been married for now we've been married only shit a year and some change we've been together seven eight years but we used to date when we were young when i first met nick i had same girl then i fucked up and married a white girl it's never good thing never unless you're right see that's what people really don't understand they don't get it that that that's that statement's going to confuse people the flavor is really weird like

Lee's Jewish. Lee's mothers alive. Lee is programmed and been raised to bring home a nice Jewish girl. There's only one problem. Lee wouldn't fuck a Jewish girl if you pay them. Nor does he want to.

Nor does he have any interest, even if they left the money in the will. He would figure out a way to marry and have a killed within 72 hours. Within the check cleared. You know, Lee likes women of flavor. He likes his latinos. he likes his sisters

it's so very weird how we're programmed to like who we like. You know what I'm saying? I've always since I was a young man oh Spanish women are hot Jack and sisters shit shit give me one of those Jersey

City sisters with Afro half an Afro and the whole family moves in that's my type of sister with that good ass and shit cooking pork chops Latin women I love him But let me tell you something. For me, there's nothing like a dirty Irish white chick.

That's what I like. I like a dirty Irish white chick. Nick, you like Latin? And you're a married man. Yeah, I didn't. Yeah, but still. I did. I didn't.

I had a few of them. Nick don't do good with Latin chicks because they start yelling at each other for weeks. It's like Mookie and his girlfriend and do the right thing. Right. That's how you're living in 22 hours a fucking day. I'm better with the part Asian the way, you know. Right. That's your thing. That's my thing.

It's got to have some sort of Asian. Some sort of Asian blood. I don't know if something happened to me. I don't know why people were asking me years ago. And you feel comfortable. I do. Remember the first time you saw Bruce Lee, he was a superhero? Yes.

And when you found out he was married to Linda Lee, you were like, Jesus Christ, not the best-looking woman in the fucking world. Linda Lee rocked his world. She controlled him. Years later, if you interviewed people during the End of the Dragon, they said, when Linda Lee walked in the room,

all his troubles went away. Yeah. You know, it's amazing what you're attracted to. Something, you know, you like what you like. You like what you like. And at the end of the day, for you to bunker down and have kids in love, like there's no predicting the looks, the color, to this, all the things you thought. If you, if you go for somebody, you go for somebody.

Because all the looks and all the bullshit and everything, the end of the day, everybody gets old. The jokes get old, the fucking bits get old. The ass gets old. The dick gets old. you gotta be a friend yeah right yeah it's gotta be your friend

you think that I think that my wife enjoys I mean look at me Nick you're looking at me close imagine waking up to this imagine me having to wake up to you screaming about Reggie Jackson in your sleep

imagine waking up to fucking Joey Coco Dias God they love us with a sleep at me a mascot I know With a sleep apnea mask on to boot. You ever look at their faces when they're sleeping?

I like to look at the expression. Yeah, because sometimes I have a mean look on their face. No, no, no, and I do, and I go, I go like it. And I catch a little movement sounds coming out of her. Sometimes I go, what the fuck was that? Nothing, I was giggling. Oh, oh, I said, that's, for me, I equate that to something else. I'm wondering what's going on in that fucking dream.

I hate to wake up and see something going on because I'm thinking, well, I'm waiting to hear something because they said they're like, listen to me. I don't know what the fuck. Mine, I have a dog that's always biting me. In your dreams? A reoccurring animal. Yeah.

Won't let go. Motherfucker wakes me up. I have to come out of it, yelling. It's my fucking ex-wife, Jake. That's her. She's on Facebook still fucking. and I found out taking shots and let it go, you fucking, let it go.

What kind of shots are you taking? I went with you as a child, whatever. What kind of shots are you taking? Posting pictures when I was 17 and I'm wearing pink pants. I mean, come on. What fuck you're talking about it? Jake. Jake Lamata broke my tooth with a telephone.

How would you like your fucking toothbuster with a telephone? Somebody fucking swing a club while you're driving. In the backseat club me, right when I'm driving 60 miles an hour. That's Jake. Fucking Jake. Fucking Jake. You were married to the gym.

My family didn't even go to the wedding. My brother, my brother, my brother sided with them. The only guy that came was the black sheep. That sucks. That sucks that they knew. You know what?

Well, I wasn't ready. No, but I get it. My mother threw all my clothes out of the... I came home one night, I go, what's going on? My brother Ralph was, he goes, yeah, she wants you out now because she can't take it to the last day. I was a kid. What the fuck did I know?

What did I know? How long did you stay married for? Fucking stupidly over 10 years. Then I got crucified because I had a kid. I tried to, you know, I tried to hang in there. And then when I finally made something out of myself, I came out. She came for blood. Yeah, she came for blood.

Fucking Jack. Like I was like, you know, a big guy, big shot. And I was a doorman most of those years. Mike knows. Fucking Jack. I just made like five cents and they treated me like I was fucking, you know, a movie star. And this state, forget that's the wrong state. This state.

I should have listened to a guy years ago. Agent told me, get out of that because you're going to be successful. I didn't know. What the fuck did I know? Let me tell you something. I woke up one day and they said that I had $64,000 in child support. And I was like, what the fuck am I going to do? And one day I was about to bring an attorney a $5,000 retainer.

My wife is an accountant. And she goes, wait a second. Why do you owe California money? You owe California money. If you owe anybody money, it's Colorado. We call Colorado. Colorado's like you owe us 14 grand for Chattlesford Ball. And we go, what about this 60-year California?

And she goes, that's them trying to get interest from you for us. We don't want that money. We just want what you owe us. That's how fucking treacherous it is. Oh, yeah. I've had a lot of those. Who does on me? Brutal.

It ruined my life. It ruined my life. And I paid. You got it. They go. They'll put you in fucking jail. They don't, they will, look what they did to Martha. They put Martha Stewart in jail.

Same shit. For child support? No, but taxes. They don't play. They don't play with taxes. They will throw your fucking ass in jail. I don't fuck around with that shit. No, pay your taxes.

I don't play with that. There's no deductions. Don't be deductive lunches. Nothing cute. Nothing. Nothing. Or you could try it, but if they come for it, give it right away. And don't ask questions.

That's the one people, when they send you to check, you don't ask questions. I don't want. FBI, come outside, please, never happened to me. Fuck that. Let me ask you something, Michael Rapport. Where do you see yourself in this podcast game in three years? Do you see yourself like a, once they put Periscope, and in about two years, Apple's going to have an app.

which puts Periscope and podcasting together. If you had a weekly show, you just stuck to movies, that means that every night at 9 o'clock of your time, once everybody in the house just calmed down, it could be the Michael Rappaport show. You open up your computer, you hit a switch on the top. It's got a camera on it. You already got your graphics set in.

You know, you got your videos that can play and talk about. Can you imagine would you be the first one to do it? I'd be down for that. I love it. It's amazing what we could do now with this technology. It's fucking crazy. Where it's become, where, you know, we talk him into, we recently talked him into finally watching baseball games that he's going to watch anyway,

and stream him and let people watch this lunatic, watch the games, throw from it. Absolutely. Jump up and down, curse it to TV. And the sad thing, Joe, I'll say this. They're going to see greatness with Nick Totoro. Oh, greatness. But in his prime 15 years ago watching the game, I know you've had, have you lost the step? Or is it still the same tenacity every time?

Because I remember he's frightened me. We watched the playoffs about 20 years. No, I'm still there. I'm still there. Okay. Yeah. I still got it. Okay.

So the people aren't missing out. No, not too much. Not too much. No, you know. I can still. bring it pretty good. Right. And then some.

Yeah, I'm not, I'm not finished yet. I'm not a legal. You're still a Yankee fan to the- How many days a week are you going to do the games? Because you can't do every game. No. You should pick a couple of, like, what was there a Friday? Yeah.

Remember the game in a week? He's that like a game in a week. That's it right there. Yeah. And then in the playoffs, you do all the playoffs. The game of a week. Yeah, because you should be special. If there happens to be a special game,

double to do. This is the immersion. You see game in a week with Nick Tuttle. Right. Because remember, we used to look forward to a game. You got to do it, Nick. First of all, you love baseball. You articulate it.

You know it. You're not a fucking dingbat. And on top of all the fact that you know the game and you're a true fan, you're nuts. Totally engrossed, savage, lunatic, passionate, quintessential New York Yankee fan. People have to see this. They have to see it. They have to see it. And I've known for three years.

No, is this not happened yet? I'm going to do it. We're hooking it all up right now. We're about to hook it up. Done. What's the name of the company, Lee? Let me look at it up. Sports.

It doesn't matter what it is. Done. Yeah, no, I'm doing it. Good for you. I mean, you know, what the fuck, you know. And you just got to pace yourself. Right. And sometimes you could have a guest.

Nine minutes. Sometimes you could say me and me and me and Joey Coco are going to watch the Yankees play. You can have me and we don't have to talk about the game. And sometimes it could just be you and Gabe. Because let me tell you something. That's true. That's true. If I'm watching a baseball game with you.

Yeah, you're not. You'll bring regular fans in, too. The Yankees are down and you're hot. Guess what I'm going to do. Yeah. I'm going to throw on fucking alcohol on that fire. Yeah. I'm going to bring up topics and get you to throw things.

Egg it on. When I'm concentrating, I'm working. Yeah. No, no. Nice. I'm working. I'm working. You got the whole.

I'm working the angles. Hey, are we doing this podcast live, Joe? We're talking live on YouTube. How are on what? On you stream? On YouTube? YouTube. Look it on.

But they could hear us or see us? No, what do you think? They could just hear us? Point a second, Joe. So you're serious that when I had my shirt off on there? Yeah, you're done. It's all over the shot.

You're on TMZ tomorrow. You just book three movie roles. Check it out. See, I give you the Malloy kid. Oh, yeah. You got the Malloycare like this. I didn't know we were fucking live on TV. No, what do you think we're doing here?

This is the real deal. Holyfield. So these are cameras that are working. No, I work for the DEA. Yeah, these are fucking cameras. You think I work for the DEA? Yeah, something like this. So when you record your podcast, you do the live recording.

Yes. And then you put out the podcast. The podcast in the morning and the YouTube stream will come up by tomorrow afternoon. But the YouTube stream will come up tomorrow afternoon like another... Another version of it. People who watch the podcast into the listening. But what are they watching right now? They're by-ya-lawi-a-law-wa.

He just fought it. What are they watching right now? The live version of this. watching a live version of this on YouTube, but streams, this is a streaming service on YouTube. I got you. All right. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Don't worry about. No, I just didn't know, but I would not have taken my shirt off. So what? Everybody saw my shirt off during the fucking playoffs. No big deal. And Big Poppy thought I was nude. Hold on. Let me finish this up. I'm going to take my clothes off again.

Don't be fucking taking your clothes up because you know what's going on. You know what's going on in America today. Hold on. You know what I'll let you do, walk out. I'll finish up the show here. Michael Rappap Report. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Coco.

You've been fucking tremendous. I thank you for having me on. You're my brother. I love you to death. Love you too. This is my most fun. And as far as the chef of the fucking future. AKA Nikki Pilots.

Nicky Pirates. Nikki Red Sores. Every week. Nicky baseball. Yes. Let's check it out one day a week. The game of the week. I'm bringing that motherfucker back.

The game in a week with Nicky Titoro. That's like. That's like. That's like Kirk Gowdy or CoSeld. They're gone. The risuto's gone. all these mutts out there. Just hang with me for one day a week.

The Yankee game in a week. You know, we're going to have fuck. We're going to have a blast together. You never know what's going to happen. It's going to be organic. It's not going to be fucking fake. There might not be excitement every other inning. But there will be moments.

There'll be moments. A pure brilliance. Right. There'll be moments of pure brilliance. Pure beauty. And you know baseball. And I know the game. I see the game.

I'm 15 steps ahead of these people. You know what I mean? They're not with me. Well, thank both of you for coming out. Let me let them loose. I'll be back to you in two minutes. That was a crazy show with Nick and my man Michael Rappaport. Both don't come from a different school of mind-the-thought.

You know, pretty fucking crazy. Anyway, who gives us shit? The beauty of his, we're still here. We're still ticking the church of what's happening now. Why? Because we got great sponsors. And they start with people like ZipRecruiter. You know what?

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Just go to ZipRecruiter.com slash church. That's ziprecruiter.com slash church. One more time. Listen, businesses of all sizes. Give it a shot. ZipRecruiter will help you with your hiring needs. ZipRecruiter.com slash church. ZipRecruiter. The smartest way to hire. You're a big guy. I get emails every week, Joey. What type of ghee? Where do I go to? For me, it's always been Fuji.

Listen, I love the geese. People give me and whatnot. But they're light. These geese are light. I used to get heavy geese and they get like anxiety from them. There's no need for those heavy geese. Fuji geese are nice and light. And they come in three different types.

They come like the basic. They have like this beautiful purple one that's like a weave. They have the sake. the Siaco, they have the Separado, they have the element. I personally, personally, personally love the Sapriado. I think it's $134. Listen, what I'm going to do is go to Fuji Sports.com right now. Take a look at the ghee.

You like it? You're a big guy. This is the ghee for you. If you're in their clothes, God, they're pulling, pulling, pulling on your neck. That fucking ghee, all it has is fucking fingerprints on it. The ghee is still intact. Why? Because it's Fuji tough.

right now go get the Superrato whatever you get pressing church and get 10% off delivered to your house. You're a big guy, Fuji's the way to go. I want to thank ZipRecruiter.com. I want to thank Fuji Sports.com.

I want to thank my man Michael Rappaport and my man Nick Tatura for a crazy-ass fucking podcast. I want to thank my main man, Lee Syed, who looks like he's fucking in Zamboville. But most importantly, I want to thank you fucking savage Don't forget this Saturday night.

It's not posted yet. By the time you hear this tomorrow night, you get tickets online, working out with Uncle Joey Saturday night at the Ice House or the 31st, or I'll see you Tuesday night at the Comedy Store. I need this Netflix thing. I need the church down there, ready to go fucking bananas at 9.30. I love you guys.

Thank you for listening. Have a great week. Have a great day. stay black all right oh shit here we go kicking it

old school