The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #576 - Joey Diaz remembers Mitzi Shore

Episode Date: April 16, 2018

Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt about being a new comedian who never thought he'd be good enough to perform at The Comedy Store, to 27 years later becoming one of the few comedians personally passed by the club's late owner, Mitzi Shore. On this episode Joey opens up about how important Mitzi was in his life. This podcast is brought to you by: FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 04/15/2018.


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today the church of what's happening now baby coming at you the christ killer and your uncle joey old school today i got a little story to tell you kick it lee here we go here we go here we go Are you fucking kidding me? It's a Monday. This is what we're starting off with. What? Jesus. Are you fucking nuts?

I just went into a trance. Greetings, you little cock suckers. It's Monday morning. I want to talk to you about something about 10 days ago. I got a call from Ari and he was on a plane. And he was calling me to say goodbye that he was going to Australia to do a tour. And he said that he might see me in two weeks. So he got a return ticket to L.A. in two weeks.

just in case Mitsy sure died. And I go, what do you mean? He goes, yeah, she's not in good shape. She's not doing well. I hung up the phone with him, and I sat down, and it was weird. I haven't seen Mitzie in maybe nine years, you know, 10 years or something. I haven't seen Mitzie. But once he said that to me, you know, I just started thinking that that whole weekend.

I was in Albuquerque with Dean Delray at the Santa Ana Casino, which is great. people, but just the thought of what Mitzie meant to me. You know, I got that whole weekend. I thought about it, just little things about the store and stuff. And last week, we did a podcast about, you know, people who get misled. They think that this is just a fucking catwalk. This would justify what I was saying last Sunday and why I'm the way I am. In 1995, I left Colorado and I'm.

you know went on my journey to be a comedian did I ever think I would end up in LA not by any means at all guys I thought it was gonna be a Hamanager work like that a southwest the northern border of the country and I was gonna hide that's what I wanted to do I wanted to be a social misfit and hide one thing turned to the other ended up in Seattle one thing turned to another I got a call you know over the holidays I went on stage and a couple days later the manager the club called me and the CBS was interested in me so uh anyway back to the Ari thing he calls me and he says this to me and the whole weekend I'm kind of thinking about my life at the store and what it meant to me you know and

uh if you guys google it or whatever there's probably a couple books on the comedy store or uh stories about mitch i know there's one book that's uh some disgruntled person wrote and called her a bitch and that they had to go on a strike to get paid from her and you know blah blah blah blah this is my experience from Mitchie short and what the comedy store meant to me you know in 1995 I only read about the comedy store like in Judy Carter's book and in other books or comedy magazines but in your mind when you first got into comedy that was the mecca of mecca for Catholics it's

going to Rome and seeing the Vatican as a comedian. The comedy store is it. That's the mecca. That's the home of Kennison. That's the home of Richard Pryor. That's the home of Andrew Dice Clay. That's the Roseanne was seen. That's where Welcome Back Carter was written.

That's where J.J. Walker had been discovered to be on good times. I mean, the stories go on and on and on about this place. and what it attracted over the years. Between you and I and Lee and, you know, I never, ever, ever thought I would walk into the chambers of the comedy store that I would ever be good enough. So it didn't matter to me whatever I heard. Like whatever the fuck anybody said to me,

I would just be Joey Diaz, take it in and blow it out and go, who gives a fuck? It doesn't matter. Like, people go, I went to the comedy store, and you're like, well, you know, they let me in for free. and I go, who gives a fuck? Or people would go, I went down there, and I got on stage on open mic, who gives the fuck?

And what happened was, when you're working the rooms I was working at the time, you're working with failed comedians. You're working not really failed comedians. You're working with headliners who had given L.A. a try, and it didn't work out for them. Now they're back home, and they're pissed at people who did stay,

and something was going on. So you also heard this negative undertone about Los Angeles. So it's like a sweet and sour situation. The whole time you're developing as a comedian, or at least for me, I wasn't developing to be on TV or developing to be the next fucking Richard Pryor. I was just doing comedy

to see if it would get me away from a criminal aspect of my life. I needed purpose in my life. I had tried everything, and comedy was the last resort. Excuse me. So I decided that if I was going to do comedy, I was going to commit to it. And I read everything I could. There was no internet.

There was no computer. And so you had to buy books and read magazines. And, you know, everything that you read except like the Lenny Bruce shit went back. Yeah, I think even the Lenny Bruce stuff went back to the county store. So I'm living in Colorado. I'm having all these problems. I get in my car and I go to Seattle. Again, guys, when I landed in Seattle in my heart, I wasn't good enough to be there.

you know, I had been, for 20 years, nothing positive happened in my life. Nothing, nothing. You know, I got married, I went to prison, shit like that, but it still was not what I was searching for. I don't know what the fuck I was searching for, but none of that that had happened had mattered at that point. I was still a waste piece of shit in my mind.

I moved to Seattle, and in Seattle, guess what? I started making strides as a comedian. And what do I mean? Were you getting on TV, Joe? Were you making money? I was making $800 a month on an average. And my bills were like $1,800 a month. And if it wasn't the people like Carolah and Josh Wolf who helped me out a lot,

I wouldn't have made it, you know. But because I committed to the journey, the universe takes care of you. When you commit to a journey, the universe will take care of you. You'll find a way. And even if you suffer one night and have to sleep out in the snow, Six of those nights, one way or another, you'll sleep on somebody's couch, which at that time is the rich carlton to you. The universe has a weird way of taking care of you once it knows that you're committed to what you're doing. So I'm in Seattle.

I'm getting arrested for this, stolen cars, domestic violence. It just didn't stop with my life. And I'm not going to tell you that life was throwing curbed balls at me at the time. I was the fucking problem. I was the problem. Between that and the drugs, you know, I didn't have control. The only thing I had control of

was the comedy. That's the only thing I had definite control over was the amount that I got on stage, writing, getting gigs, hustling. I was dynamited that stuff. Everything else I was a fucking failure on. Everything else I was a failure.

So one Thanksgiving, I get on stage and again the manager calls me a week later and he goes listen some guy just called from CBS they're doing a pilot and you're perfect they're coming up the second week of December to bring the whole staff to see that was fucking rare guys that was rare like for a guy like me that's a criminal and shit are you fucking kidding me did they see you somewhere or what happened they saw me at the underground the guy went home to visit his parents

for the holidays and the guy saw me on a Wednesday night in the underground Like one of those holiday comedy shows. Jesus. Me, Josh Wolf, Tana Manu, Brody Stevens, Gavin Boy. It was like 10 of us that would get together and do a show. Count Hopkins III, you know, and then we get like a headline to come in,

and we do this show. Well, the guy saw me. And his big question was, if I spoke Spanish, yes. Then he brought like three people back up there. I got two things out of that club. I pulled two L.A. things out of that club. When they flew me into L.A. and I did stuff and then I went back.

One time they flew me in and I was so poor, I cashed in the ticket and I drove down here like an asshole that I am. I pulled the Lee and drove down here and snorted the money. From Seattle? Yeah. Oh my God. And I went to that Japanese restaurant right around the corner, which is the worst restaurant in the world where they sing on the tables.

Right, yeah, the sushi place. I went there with two other fucking morons. But the first time I came down, I went to the laugh factory. I didn't even think of going to the comedy store. Didn't even think of going to a comedy store. And I didn't. But you knew about it. I knew about it.

I knew at that time, by 97, I had read the Kennison biography. And I talked all about the power of the comedy store. And I'd seen something else or read something else about Bill Hicks. And everybody's pads had across the comedy store. I knew that for one of his last specials, Richard Pryor, worked on the comedy store. And since I was from Denver, I also knew that Roseanne had done something that no woman had ever done. She became a paid regular, and Mitzie saw her in the original room, put her in the main room, and then she got the Tonight Show.

Like, she went from being a fucking slob to this thing overnight, really, seriously. Oh, that's crazy. I didn't know that. Yeah, Mitzie saw her in the original room, told her to go up in the main room, and she got watched, and the next night she was on a Tonight Show, a two days later or a week later. So I had already known the power of the comedy store. But in my mind, I'd never be good enough anyway.

And all the comedians I spoke to those headliners that didn't have anything going on, that were like angry headliners, they were putting down the comedy store. Like, oh, you don't need to go up there, their losers there. Yeah, they're not going to put you up. You got to be this, you got to be that, all this shit. I didn't listen because I didn't care, Lee. It didn't matter. I was happy doing spots at the Comedy Underground in Seattle.

What did I give a fuck about? Comedy store, the laugh factory of the improv. For me, that was another world. It shows how important every set is. Like, you can never look down on a set. No. And it's like a set to set. If you're getting stuff for L.A.

That blows my mind that someone in Seattle twice, went to the holidays to the holidays to see their family saw me on stage and the second one was Jeff Valdez so the first year was Jeff Valdez for Latino Comedy Festival and they didn't give it to me

that's the year Greg Darado became a start and then the next year they approached me again for Latino Life Factor Festival and CBS approached me so I moved down here

I didn't think I'm moving down here CBS is going to give me enough money to get a hotel for three weeks, rent the car, be able to go to, there was no Uber and there was no, you know, and I was going to be able to go to rehearsal and shoot the pilot. Holy shit. It was going to be three weeks. That's a lot of money. So I came down here. I lived in a trailer with my girlfriend, and it was the weirdest thing because I had worked New Year's with Stan Hope.

that new year's that like the 27th through new years i did like six shows with stanhope and i knew Doug from 1991 and Doug had seen me then and now Doug was watching me featuring for him and he kept bugging me you need to move to LA you really do need to move to LA they have Latino night on Sunday night at the improv they got one at the county store they got one at the laugh factory not only that you'll get spots anyway and I'm like but what about what everybody else is saying

they're saying you can't get spots he's like fuck those losers you can get spots and I'm like yeah but I'm dirty fuck it don't worry about it you'll get spots so between Doug Stanhope in my ear it's the CBS thing I agreed to the CBS thing

and I drove down here with a girl in a trailer with a car behind us and the trailer broke in San Francisco and we spent five days in San Francisco and I got on stage every night in San Francisco so it didn't really matter well we ended up landing here on a Monday we came into LA when we saw LA the 101 South I can't describe the feeling that you like I can't describe the feeling to you like when we were still an hour out we were in bump to bumper traffic and then we pulled off we got in

Hollywood we got onto the sunset strip and on fairfew Fairfax Boulevard we made it right and we pulled our trailer right there where you go up to Lowell Canyon and make the left right there we pulled up and we loosened up a car and we both took showers in the trailer we got dressed and we went to where you're going tomorrow night what's the name of place you're going tomorrow night. Oh, the Sycamore Tavern? That used to be Al Capulco in 1997 and we went there for dinner. We thought it was like fucking the restaurant of the year.

If I had $300 on me, I had a lot of money on me. I had no money when I moved down here. It wasn't for that girl driving the whole fucking thing. I would have never got down here. Like, can you explain? I want to go back just a little bit to what you said about the sign for the 101. Like, what do you think? Do you think you finally started believing in yourself or what do you think happened? When I saw the sign, I realized that this was real.

I started doing comedy in 1991, but for two years, it was throwaway years. I wasn't even doing comedy. I was doing an impersonation of an impersonation of an impersonation. And then I understood what it took to become a comedian. So I had two, yeah, I've been doing comedy for 27 years, but it's really, really 25 years because my first two years I got on stage like eight times I was just bullshit people and bullshit myself but I really can't say that because the second year I had a job I had a job house and seen I got on stage every week but I still

wasn't serious about it I was just blown smoke up my ass I was just addicted to coke once 94 95 came along I got serious about it and by 95 I was very serious about it like I was down I was in this is what I want it to do. I don't know. I'm not saying I'm going to be the next fucking Richard Pryor or the next Sam Kesson. All I'm saying is that for right now, this is what I want to do. I wasn't going to give myself high hopes and then be let down like I'm not ever going to be on TV. I knew I was never going to be on TV. I'm not an actor. Even though you're coming down for a TV show. By that time, I was like, this is crazy. As soon as I get to L.A., I got to find

that acting coach. And I remember asking the executive producers of the show. Like, do you guys, can you, you know, I was like a little half a fag. I'm like, can you guys recommend an acting coach to work with me before I shoot the pilot? And they're like, oh, yes, we have

brilliant acting coaches, you know, so as soon as I got here on a Monday, I went to Alcapulco, I changed, took a shower, we went to the Alcapulco, all you could eat. And I headed up to the Comedy Store. I don't know what possessed me. I took that girl and we walked into the comedy store.

And they stopped me in the front and I said, I'm a comic. And they said, okay. In those days, there was no really a lot of security. Monday nights it was either Harris, Pete, or Chewy. And I walked around the back and they let me sit. And Don Barris was on stage. The first time I was walking into the comedy store. I saw the Star of the Last Dragon

and Eddie Griffin walking out And I shit my pants Like I had seen Eddie Griffin In a Bruce Willis movie And I had seen him on something He did on BET or HBO or something Where he was hilarious And here he was in front of me

At the place where you're going And I walk in and there's the halls With all the pictures of these great comics And I'm just shaking my fucking head going I don't even know why I'm here And then there was a comic from Seattle James Stevens III It was open mic night

There was 15 people in the audience It was a lot of people It was real real audience Yeah it was 830 at night There was 15 people in the audience And Don Barris was up on stage Like it was fucking Madison Square Garden With shorts on

Fucking crazy to that man I'm like what the fuck is this and then as I sat there, comics came in and out who I kind of knew from traveling, I heard their names but then as it got later, that's when Eddie Griffin showed up and Nick DePaulo and I was just in fucking awe

like I didn't walk in the kitchen and nothing I just stood out in the hallway and then I met wheels Wheels Parisi yeah he was there and I go you open for dice oh my God like I was fucking incomplete all and I spoke to him for a little while

and the waitress was from Philadelphia and the name was Eleanor who I've had on the podcast here various times she was the waitress from Philitosso so they told me to go see her and she gave me like a water or whatever the fuck they gave you in those days of soda and I tipped her

and that's all I knew that was it and I stayed out there until 12, 1230 just talking to different comedians. And at one time, they ran out of comics. And they said, hey man, do you want to go up? Because it was an open mic. Holy shit.

Yeah. And I walked up there and there was maybe three people in the audience, four people in the audience. And I just went up there. And when I touched the stage with my feet, I said, this is hilarious. That I'm going to be able to put the comedy store on my resume and not really do a show here. But basically I am doing a show. And I had three minutes. And everyone else told all those negative people told you it's impossible to get on.

You can't get on. Your first time there. At the comedy store, they go, do you want to get on? So I got on. There was nobody in the audience. I ate a bag of dicks, but a couple of comics came in and watched me. And they were like, you should. But the weird thing was that every year since 1995 or 199,

1994 to 1997 until I walked into the comedy store Now that night that I walked into the comedy store was January 29th 1997 So listen to these dates Correctly and I landed on a Monday But the funny thing about this was that for Once a month somebody would come up to me and look at me and go is Mity Shaw seeing you yet?

And I go what the fuck is Mitzie Shaw? And they say that's Polly's mother. Wait till she sees you, dog. And I'm like, she's never going to see me. Because I'm never walking in there. Like, I'm never walking in there. But all directions were pushing me into the store.

There was a contest in Denver in 1995. And the winner got $500 cash, and he got a plane ticket, hotel, and a spot in front of Mitzie Shore. Holy shit. Which was basically a Monday night spot. And you weren't gambling. guaranteed she was going to be there. It's just a bullshit contest.

Oh, fuck. And I came in second. But back then, she was that well respected. She was that well respected that you get to perform in front of Mitchie Shore. That's pretty crazy. And that night, I came in second. But the next day, comedians called up the club and said that the guy who won the contest stole the jokes. So they had to give me the $500.

And I never got the plane ticket. Oh, you didn't go? I never got it. From the club, they banned me for life before I got it. That sucks. Yeah, so all directions are always pointing to me to go into the comedy store. So the first week, I go to the comedy store, get on stage that first night, and I go, holy shit. In my mind, I was just happy to get on stage at the comedy store.

I could have told anything to anybody. I could have said to you, Lee, I went up there and there was 200 people, and I killed. In the original room? Yeah, and I had to bring up Jim Carrey. It wasn't the case. There was three people in there, and I brought some comic up. There was a harmonica or some shit. You know, it wasn't like a show, show, show.

Yes, it wasn't the original room. And yes, it was the world famous comedy store. But I didn't go up at 8 o'clock at night. Do you know what I'm saying to you? Oh, I know exactly. I could have gone. I could have went back to Jersey or back to Denver and told you anything I wanted to. Right.

I performed there, that Mitchie, sure love me no there was nobody there but I went home that night and I felt different I felt different in what way like stronger and I like I would if you if you did decently well I would feel like you'd have a huge boner for it no I didn't have a boner over it I didn't have a I felt like I don't know like I maybe maybe maybe someday in 10 or 15 years I get into the kind of store. That's what I felt. And that was it. And the story, that was it. The next Tuesday morning, I got up and I went to the laugh factory and I stood on line at 7 in the morning. And they made me wait there from 7 in the morning to 6 o'clock at night. And me and Gavin alternated and we would cross the street and get each other juices and shit and waters and sandwiches. But we were standing out. You had to stand on line all day. Like the next week, right?

No, for just one day. Oh, okay. So that was every Tuesday. Got it. Every Tuesday, if you drove past the laugh factor, you see 20 people standing up there. They don't do it anymore like that. Oh, I thought they didn't. I guess not.

I don't know. I don't know if they still do it like that. So the next one, I got a bright eye and bushy tail when went down there. I waited online all day. And I heard all these fucking comedians just talking. How hard it is. What a waste of time they've been doing. that they auditioned for Spielberg and didn't get the movie,

that auditions are hard, that it's tough to get an agent. It was just 20, 19 people talking bullshit. Negative. Just garbage. Like, if you're here, he'll never make your regular. We're just wasting our time. It was just dumb fucking chatter. And there was one guy in particular who wouldn't shut the fuck up.

He had a weird accent. He wouldn't shut the fuck up. He knew everything about everything. He was an encyclopedia fucking comedy. He knew what time Mitchie Shaw got there, what time Mitchie Shaw left, when to go to the improv, when Bud Friedman was going to be there to pass you.

He knew everything, Lee. And then we got our numbers at 6 o'clock. 8 o'clock came. It was time for everybody to go on stage. And the guy went up there. And not only did he eat the biggest bag of dicks, I've ever seen somebody eat, but he went from being this loud, obnoxious guy like me. They're talking like a little fucking mouse.

And when he got off, I looked him right in the face. I go, all day, all fucking day. You talked to all that shit all fucking day. And you got on stage like a fucking hermit. I thought we were going to fist fight. That's how crazy that still was that. It's upsetting that much that you listen to him all day. All fucking day, he didn't shut the fuck up.

But then he goes up there and he becomes Joe Herman. Anyway, I'm the maid on the list. I go up there, I do my dirty material. You got to wait around to get critique from Jamie. And as soon as I sat down, Jamie goes, listen, I'm going to give you the best advice I can give you. Pack your bag and move to Las Vegas. And I go, what are you talking about?

He goes, you're a club comic. He goes, if you move to Las Vegas and start in one of those rooms right now, in five years, everybody will know who you are, but you're not going to do anything in L.A. You're too old, you're too dirty. You're never going to do nothing here. You can't pass in my club.

I was like, Jesus Christ, this is crazy. This is crazy. So I said, you know what? It doesn't matter because I'm just going to shoot the pilot and go back to Colorado and try to be a dad or end up killing this woman. You know, I had no options. I had no real options. So I woke up the next morning and I went to, I think it's 65.

65 Sunset Boulevard, something like that. They have telemarketing jobs, like three or four floors of different telemarketing job. And it's all automated. So I walked in there, and I hadn't done telemarketing before, but never automated. Where you make 80 calls now,

it's just constant. You know what I'm saying? Like as soon as you're going to hang up, it's constant. How was it used to that? The building is still there, and they still do telemarketing. It's a beautiful building on Sunset.

he did it. But on the walk home, I bumped into this black dude. And we were just talking generalities. And he told me he was a manager at a telemarketing room where people were making 8 to 1,500 a week selling cigars on the phone. And that was a little more money than you were making? There was a lot more money that I had made in fucking three or four years. Like I was making no money and I didn't make a dime in 95, 96, 97. Now they were. giving me money to move down here but by that time I owed money I owed back child support I owed a thousand things I bought some coke I had to buy some clothes so that money disappeared so me and the girl got into a fight not only the jim miss out of fucking tell me I sucked but the girl

threw me out of her fucking car so now I had to live with Doug stanhope on the top bunk he bought bunk bunk beds in his appointment because he was dating the girl from a TV show then so he would never spend the night of this house so he had a bedroom and he had bunk beds in his living room with a tv and a typewriter out there so if you wanted to write jokes you could write jokes if you wanted to sleep you could sleep so at that time it was me and one of his fucking friends that was just out of his mind named ron ron was on the duck stanhope's gonna be a starboat he was doug's security he was done he played like doug's security But he was just a big guy.

You know, he didn't know nothing about nothing. You know, at that time, 1997, Doug Stanhope was making a big bag in Hollywood. And here I am living with Doug, and I'm selling cigars in the fucking daytime. I come waking up in the mornings at six going over there, and I would sell cigars, like from fucking seven of the morning to fucking 12 or one in the afternoon every day. It was rough, and I started me and Josh Wolf, we would go to a place, you don't bar, Right, right. Yeah.

There was an open mic there every night. There was a coffee shop. You know, where, uh, what's the taco place that we go to over here? Cactus? Cactus across the street from the cactus where the children's is a place in there where children's play. I don't know. That used to be a coffee shop. And that was a big time open month.

During the day? At night. Okay. It was a coffee shop all day, but at night it became a comedy room. Oh, shit. Okay. And then there was a state place. the valley there's something steakhouse up in the valley and they had a back room and they did

comedy so for those you know for my first two weeks here i did what you're doing now here i started from scratch like i had already been insulted by fucking what's his name but sunday nights was latino night at the improv and i got a hold of that guy and he said i'll give you a five minute set and he goes I want you to come back next week well I want what I want you to wear a tuxedo or a suit Jesus his name was John Mercedes why did he want you to wear a suit because he says he didn't mind if I worked dirty as long as I wore a suit so John Mercedes was basically putting me on stage on Sundays at the improv remember I told you people say you're not going to get on stage in this time and you're on two out of the

three so already I'm at the improv on the Sunday night and I'm here about two weeks I got a job selling cigars Josh Wolfe is living on Vista Ralphie Mae wasn't here yet at this time Ralphie Mae was not here I was sleeping on Stanhope's couch on his bunk bed Ron was on the bottom bunk bed and at night we just got together whoever you just got together like when you do with Sean and for and we would just go from open mic to open mic smoking pot you know One place gave you a drink ticket, but there was his cat named Rudy Moreno, who I had on the show years ago. And he booked the room on Fridays and Saturdays called The Brave Bull. And everybody said, you got to get on stage down there, but fucking Rudy.

I called Rudy 80 times, bro. I called him every day, spoke Spanish, and she never called me back. So one Friday, I got directions, I got in the car, and I fucking went down there. And I said, who's Rudy Moreno? And they go, that guy there, and I walked up to him. I go, Rudy Marino. I'm Joe D. What?

You can't call me back. He's like, I'm sorry. I'm busy. I can give you five minutes and shit. And I went up there and I became friends of Rudy. So now I was already doing spots on the weekend. Rudy told me, come back next week, and it was $25 a spot. That's $50 fucking bucks, guys.

50 bucks in those days, guys. You have no idea what I do with 50 bucks in those days. You had no idea. In cash. In cash. So in this time, I realized, CBS doesn't know what they're going to do.

CBS doesn't know if they're going to shoot me for the pilot or save me for seven episodes. You were definitely going to be on the show. Yeah, definitely on the show. I'm a crucial part of the show. You feel like everything's coming together? I didn't really know.

I didn't know what was going on. This is not my world. This is not my world. Okay. I had already found, I was already buying coke in the building. I knew whether buy coke already, like at that time, Josh Wolf's brother's friend in the building sold coke, so we were already getting coke.

I'm here about two weeks, two and a half weeks, and I'm already getting on stage at the improv, and I'm already getting on stage, whatever. But the first time I came to showcase the Latino Laugh Festival, I met a girl there, a woman who looked kind of like you, five foot two, 300 pounds,

she just had like a fucking shower curtain over her as a dress. Like she was just a little short, fat, little Mexican check. And the name was Marilyn Martinez. And she watched me go up. And she said, hey, man, has Mitchie a short senior? Yeah.

And I go, would you stop with that? She goes, ah, she's gonna fucking love you, man. So, I'm talking with Doug Staying Home. one day and I leave and I go to do an open mic and who do I bump into but Maryland and she goes did you move here and I go yeah she goes did you put yourself on the showcase list for mitchie yet and I go no I don't know if I'm gonna stay here I'm here shooting a pilot blah blah blah blah blah she goes listen I'm gonna call Scott day tomorrow Scott day was the talent coordinator she goes I'm a I'm a regular there I'm gonna get you a showcase spot there I didn't know what to say I just told you that the universe takes care of you of you

when they know you're committed to what you're doing I didn't know what to say at this point my life guys I'm dirty fucking four years old 33 years old I was in prison I just you guys have no idea what I was going to at that time and here I am becoming this comedian And here I get this deal from CBS, and they give me a little bit of money. And in one of those Latino nights, a little bald guy comes up to me, and he goes, how are you doing? My name is bu, blah, blah, blah, pop.

And I'm an agent at Sutton, Barter Vanari. We do commercials. Do you have a commercial audition? I'm an agent, and I go, no. And he goes, would you like to sign with us? And I'm like, yeah, I don't know nothing about nothing, guys. Absolutely, I do. The next day, I find out Sutton Barth and Ranari at the time,

was the best commercial agent in the fucking land. Oh shit. Like I had just signed with the best commercial agent in the fucking land. It's like getting here and signing with it. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? He goes, yeah, we're going to get you out for commercials and voiceovers. I want to do contract. Then John Mercedes introduced me to a dude.

Introduced me to a dude that was a manager. And he was carrot tops manager for a while. He goes, you want to talk to him? I go, yeah. He goes, he wants to talk to him. He goes, you're a character. and we talked for a few weeks. But in this whole time, that night I see Marilyn,

and Marilyn tells me, this all goes down at the improv, but Marilyn tells me, because she's there for Latino night, that she's going to get up tomorrow morning and call Scott Day. So I go home floating on fucking, you know, clouds, but in the back of my mind, it really doesn't matter,

because people showcase for her all the time. She gets off on turning people down. It seems like a lot of people have stories about taking a long time for the bigger past. So I'm like, even if I showcase, it doesn't matter because I'm not going to stay here. Like, this is just a fucking vacation for a few weeks. I'm a fucking father. I got to go back to Colorado, try to fucking see my kid and go to war with this bitch. Even though I'm fucking poor, I'm living in Colorado, whatever the fuck, I'm standing on Doug Stanhope's fucking couch.

whatever the fuck I was doing at that time. That next morning, when I wake up, it's Monday morning, and I go to a little cigar job when I come back. Doug Stanhope is in the living room. He's typing. He's talking a fat run. God rest is so. And that's when he says to me,

Hey, man, I called Scott Day Today. So Scott Day today got two calls? Two calls. He goes, I called Scott Day Today and told him to make you a regular. at the store for you to showcase. You need a regular to back you. He goes to call him up during the week.

Call him up later on during the week and he'll schedule for a showcase. So right now I got the greatest comic in the land and Marilyn Martinez calling Scott Day. I never met Scott Day. I don't know what the fuck Scott Day looks like. I don't know nothing. Now the next one, guys,

is really going to throw you for a fucking loop. I go to a show at the improv on a Wednesday night and who do I bump into right after that whole thing on Monday with Maryland and now at this time I've gotten my first spot at the improv the talent coordinator Richard Cooper his window used to be you could see the window still he would sit there at night with the window open and watch him and he watched me a Latino night and he came down and told me to call in for spots

during the week so I wasn't doing too bad I'm not going to tell you I was struggling I know I was struggling I really was struggling but fuck I'm here three weeks I'm getting spots at the improv I got a commercial agent I got a job that makes okay money

I'm snorting a little coke me and the girl are on the rocks me and my daughter are on the rocks me and my ex-wife are on the rock I mean my everything around me was shit except this comedy fucking thing except this fucking comedy thing which was the biggest long shot

in the fucking world for a guy like me. Guess who I bump into the improv that night on a Wednesday night guys when I go down there. Who? About a year ago, I put somebody on the podcast and I got questioned by everybody. I got questioned by so many fucking people on my decision why I put this guy on the podcast. And you're going to realize why I put him on the podcast when I tell you who I bumped into. Guess who I bumped into that night the import. Can I guess? Yes. Carlos Menzia. And he came up to me and he gave me a hug. And he goes, how long have you been in town?

I told him three weeks that I'm trying to be a regular at the store. And he goes, you know what? I'll call Scott Day for you tomorrow. Now you understand why I put Carlos on the podcast. Because before I found that Carlos was a thief or anything, this was way before I met Joe Rogan. Three people vouched for me at the comedy store. All right.

So now it's Thursday. And my page goes off. and it's 323 number 656 I call it back and it's the comedy store and I go this is Joe Diaz somebody call me from the comedy store

and I like hold on one second and the phone picks up and it's Scott Danie and he goes Joey Dears, yeah Scott Day now he was a right off right off the bat like that first conversation

it wasn't like it didn't mean the world to me like it was like Joey Diaz yeah Scott Day talent coordinator I've had a few people call in here for you. I'm going to put you on the showcase list, but the bad news is going to take six months.

Because there's that many people who want to showcase for Mitzie. Yeah, it's a six month waiting list. Five. So, what do I go? I go, thank you very much. You know, thanks for calling me. And he goes, yeah, so it's February. You'll be hearing from us

like in fucking September. And what part of you is upset? Or were you just thinking this is part of the half? No parts of me. upset. No parts of me upset because right now that gives me six months to prepare. That's true. That gives me six months to fucking

prepare for the killer or killer. So I'm going to finish this fucking pilot. I'm going to take whatever money they have to me, whatever they're going to give me like they're going to give me scale for two days at the end of shooting. Three days is $2,100 or something like that. And I was going to go back to Colorado and start

a new life. This is right there. Thursday, two in the afternoon. I'm shooting the following fucking Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, and I'm going to leave here with a showcase for Mitchie Shore in fucking September. I got six months to work on whatever minutes she wants. I didn't even know how many minutes she wants, okay?

I hang up with Scott Day, at about three hours later I get a fucking call from the pilot people. And they go, listen, you're shooting tomorrow. One scene for the pilot, and then you're done. Your call time is 915, CBS Radford. I knew nothing, Lee. I knew fucking nothing. You'd been here three weeks. You didn't know what the studio was?

I knew nothing. They gave me a zip code at that time and a fucking street number. And I asked around and thank God Josh Wolf had been here like two months before me. He went on meetings. He told me where to go. I think it was Josh who drove me.

Like somebody had to blend me their car or something like that. Fuck. I got a ride from somebody and then I took like a bus back but I went up there at 8 in the morning they did the fitting that day and basically dog my role

like after they saw me and looked at me and talked to me like they fucking hated me but they had spent the money on me already so now they put me in the show like when I read for it and rehearsed with them I have like two scripts but I was so bad of an actor

or so such a, just piece of shit that I was, that they had cut me down to two lines, Lee, and the pilot. Like, what are you having, Nick? The usual? A beer on ice? Ha, ha, ha, and I giggle or something stupid. Like, two cops come in. When I first got the script, it was two cops come in, and then I ask them that shit.

And then we go through, like, a monologue of peace. Like, listen, we all know what this is. We pay you every week. You let us know who comes in here and gives us the information. so I was playing like a bartender type rat to prosecutors. And it wasn't going well. When I got the script, I had a fucking huge role in this. Right.

But after rehearsing with them two or three times, they saw I wasn't a fucking actor that I was green like a motherfucker, that I could barely, I knew nothing. Like guys, I knew nothing. And at that time, I hunted around, and I found the guy on a Monday who, coached me on that and I liked him his friend his name was Frank Magna look at that I still remember his name he coached me for like 20 bucks an hour and I went down and I still stunk like I

just stunk guys are you on me to lie to you and tell you I was Olivier I still stink as an actor I just used stand-up as my backup but I'm no actor so I'm not ashamed of telling you people this story because I never really told you this story when I got the pot When I first got the script, I had two or three pages of monologue on one scene and two pages of monologue and another I rehearsed it with them. They went back and forth. I didn't know shit I think on one of the rehearsals. I was high from the night before So when I got to the pilot, they just they shut me down the two lines I went up the CBS Radford. I found out of right where it was. I went up there. I did the costume fitting they hated me some

much they shot me out first Jesus all right I was just thinking about this because I didn't remember the whole story until last week when I really really thought about what really fucking happened I think I made up a lie just to tell I don't know what I did but that's what really happened by the time I shot they were like you're done I got out of there all right and I took a bus back to Hollywood Okay? And I remember I did the paperwork and I asked the lady, do I get paid today? She's like, no, you get paid in 10 to 14 days.

So I'm like, fuck. Fuck. Now I got to wait two more weeks and sleep on Doug Stanhope. Doug Stanhope wasn't mad at me or anything. I just didn't want to be here. That's it. I'm getting a showcase of six months. I did my spots.

I'm a regular at the improv. When I come back, Latino night, it'll be bigger than ever. And this is how to work out. My pager goes off. It's about five during the afternoon. And I'm standing in Doug Stanhope's living room by myself. My pager goes off. And it's the comedy store.

And I call them back and I go, this is Joe Diaz. Somebody call me like, yeah, hold on. Scott Day. And Scott Day goes, Joey, are you available this Sunday to showcase from Mitsy Shore? And I go, you said, six months. And he goes, no, no, no. I had two or three fallouts.

Can you, can you do it this Sunday? And I go, yeah, I'll be there. And that was it, Lee. I hung up the phone, and it was that easy. I wasn't even here a month. And I was showcasing from Mitzie Shaw. Now, for fucking seven years, I heard nothing but negativity.

Nothing but negativity. Right. nothing you'll never get on blah blah blah blah blah right then and there I remember fucking hanging up that phone and just going what the fuck is going on but right then and there I thought about what I had been going through

all those years and how I was doing comedy through it like at the worst that I ever got I still pushed and I still kept like no I can't tell you how bad I was feeling when I would drop that little girl off on Wednesdays at 7. I can never describe to you how bad I would feel leaving her to another man with my ex-wife.

But I would immediately get in my car and force myself to do comedy and turn that anger and rage into funniness to cover me at least for an hour to make me feel good. Like, that's what that showcase meant to me. Like, I was like, okay, all that shit paid off. But the only reason you were leaving L.A. then, before this phone call, was to go back to your daughter in Colorado?

I was going to go home and just, who the fuck was I? Oh, my kid. You said everything was going so well. But it didn't matter. I was going to fuck it up. I was going to fuck it up somewhere. I already fucked it up, Lee. I just fucked it up.

Instead of getting a fucking acting coach when I got down here working with him for three days in a row, I stood online and I talked to people. people at coffee shops instead of getting an acting coach like I was supposed to do I didn't do that I got them for one afternoon and I went in there acting like fucking

Da Vinci and I ended up blowing it you know what I'm saying it doesn't matter today but it mattered then what was going on in my life like I felt shittier and shittier and now you're trying to tell me I got a showcase for this fucking lady on Sunday

so what are the odds of me getting past with all the bad shit that's happening? Not very good, so I'm like, wait a second, they didn't wait me on the pilot. This guy at the laugh factory told me I was basically a fucking ham, a bum.

The improv, the guy must be drinking. You know, the guy must be fucking, he must feel good for handicapped kids or something. Why am I getting spots when for seven years, all I heard was negativity. All I heard was fucking

negativity. Why would she give me a fucking spot? Why would she give me a fucking showcase? So I hung up that fucking phone with Doug Stanhope and I went everywhere. I remember there was an open mic like on Santa Monica towards the 101. Like that's a bad

neighborhood back there. I still remember going there and standing in the back of the room and just going on stage and bombing that night in front of a bunch of comics going how am I going to fucking pass in front of Mitchie Shore? Like Like, you were preparing for the...

The show, yeah. Oh, yeah. I fucking stayed up one night sober and wrote. I fucking got my best three minutes together that I ever, ever, ever had. I polished them backwards. I knew the material backwards and forward. You had three fucking minutes. And for people...

And for me... Like, it sounds like a lot of time when people say, oh, you do a five-minute open mic when you've never done one before. It sounds scary. But three minutes is not that much time. Three fucking minutes. I had in front of the lady who fucking could call your life right now with one fuck. This is, you know, going up in front of Mitzie is like fucking meeting Carlo Gambino in my world.

Like, that's what it was then. Like, not only am I going to get to meet her, but I'm going to go up in front of her, and she's going to turn me down anyway. And now I'm really going to be fucking crushed. I was going to say, what did you imagine what would happen? I was going to get knocked down. But I said, fuck it. If I go down, let me go down in flames.

So I did every open mic I fucking could in town. For every fourth wall that you guys know of locally, I fucking did in those two days. When I went in there Sunday night at 7 o'clock, I was prepared. I was shit in a pickle. I wore like a dress shirt. I wore my jeans. I wore my sneakers. You know, I was 33 years old.

and I was about to put everything on the fucking line. Like this was going to be the decisive moment in my life. And guess what? I walked up there with zero confidence. Even after all those open mics? Lee, you have no idea what the comedy store represented at that time for a comic of my caliber. This was the White House. This is it.

If you know what I'm saying like this was everything I had like this was and here I am doing comedy on paper six years I'm like this isn't fucking happening this isn't happening I don't have a manager I don't you know this isn't happening but I still went down there and I remember I was scared shitless I went down there with this girlfriend of mine and one of my friends from Seattle and I was scared shitless I think Josh Wolf came down there with me And I sat I walked up And when I walked up she was sitting there already And we made eye contact And she smiled

And I smiled and I sat down You know, I'd never been known to be a kiss ass Like that or anything I just sat down the corner And then I went up to the booth And I said my name is Joey Diaz And they pointed me into direction of the host I think the host that night was Freddy Soto

God rest of soul And I went up to Freddy And I go, Freddy, and I go, I'm Joey Diaz and Marlon was there. Oh, they came to watch for your set? Marlon was dead. Doug Stanhope was there. They all came down there.

And I was pacing. I was nervous. I was like number eight or nine on the list and shit. Thank God you weren't first. Yeah, it was something crazy. Like something crazy. And I still remember them going your next and like, you know, your whole life.

Like I saw myself in prison. And I saw my mother's grave. I thought about me getting a GED. I thought about me fucking dropping out of high school. I just thought about every negative thing that could happen in my life. Like nothing positive came into my mind at that moment. Like nothing, nothing, like nothing. I'm going to go up to him and do this.

She's going to tell me to go fuck myself. And I'm going to go back to Stan Ope's Way for my check and go back to Colorado and just do local comedy and do fuck. radio gigs and shit like that. I already had an escape plan. I went up there and as I was getting ready to go on stage, Eddie Griffin came and sat next to her. Now the night I went on stage, that Monday night,

when I first came to town, I bumped into Eddie Griffin, but Eddie Griffin didn't leave. He was in the back of the room talking loud while I was on stage, but he watched me. So when any Griffin saw me showcasing for Mitzie, he sat next to Mitzie and he didn't really let anybody talk to Mitzie because that's the secret. God rest of the soul of showcasing for Mitzie was surrounding her so nobody could talk to her while you were on stage. Because she would not pass you if she didn't see you. But she wouldn't make, she wouldn't, like she wouldn't stop people from interrupting her.

She would talk to them. wanted to kiss her ring everybody wanted to kiss her ring so as soon as she sat in that edge chair everybody would come in her direction waitresses managers comics future comics open micers i mean fucking everybody she was like dana white like she was that powerful she could change your life it was like that contest like the ultimate fighter you know what i'm saying it was like that like she's the fucking host of the ultimate fighter and I went up there and I mentioned something about being Cuban I did okay Lee I guess and when I walked past her she grabbed my hand and she smiled and she goes can you come back next week and do 10 minutes

oh my God and I go yes and she goes you were very funny or something like that and that was it pro like I was like oh my God and then people were like well that's what she loves to do, make you come back, and then tell you no. So now I had to live another week. Of torturing yourself. I was torturing myself and doubting myself that I was in each shit. But again, I went out every night and I did a fucking spot. And I did a couple spots.

And then I was introduced to Felipe, a guy by the name of Felipe and Willie Barsen, one of those Latino nights. and they would give me Tuesday and Wednesday nights they gave me that first Tuesday and Wednesday night they paid me $40 with a burrito each night Oh shit

$40 in those days was a lot of fucking money late $40 for one show So I would do like Two open mics And then get in the car And shoot down to Felipe's room and pick up $40.

And that whole week I didn't go to the store I didn't hang out at the store I wasn't one of those guys at all I just went and I got an improv spot that week. I worked hard for the 10 minute showcase. I'm not asking you to do it, but do you remember that 10 minutes? Not even close.

Really? Okay, I didn't know if you had to remember. Not even close. I know that I went off. That night I went down there and I was turning 34 years old. The night I had to do 10 minutes was my birthday, February 19th. Shit. I wasn't even here a month.

I got to town January 29th and it was February 19th and I was doing 10 minutes from Mitzie On your birthday My mother died I quit high school I ran from the law I robbed people

I went you know I got locked up I got married divorced I had a kid I got a yank from me because I was basically a fucking loser I was 34 fucking loser I was 34 fucking years old with no direction no direction like this was

all a gamble up to this night my whole life had been thrown away up to this night that's how I had to really think about it like if she makes me a fucking regular what next like it took me two years 18 months to get on stage

I was so scared of getting on stage do you know why Lee no because I feared that night of being like a good comedian yes I feared exactly what was happening I feared it I was scared that my life was gonna change that's freaking did you want it to change oh my God in the worst way in the worst way I wanted my life to change late I couldn't live like that no more I was just a fucking disaster I had become everything my mother didn't want me to be cut.

Do you know what that feels like? She wouldn't have liked you being a comedian? I'm not saying that, but up to the age of 34. Oh. I had no fucking direction. Every move I had made was wrong. How fucking pathetic is that?

The move I was scared to make that was going to change my life. And I knew it. I knew it for 18. I knew it if I get on stage something good might happen but I would go now nothing good's gonna happen I was so fucking scared and here I was on my 34th birthday showcasing for fucking Mitzie Shore it's a it was fucking surreal it was fucking surreal it was like when my mother died for two or three weeks

when somebody dies, you take it to dream. For like a month, you walk around in shock. Your mind is really in shock. You don't really accept it. You tell your friends you're okay. But you're walking around like you got hit in the fucking head, you know? And here, that's how I felt like that night. Like I'm 34 years old.

I've never got it right. So this is going through your head as you're pacing? Oh, my God. About to go on stage? Yes, sure. You're not going over your material, you're not... No.

Sorry about that. No. No. Holy shit. You're not thinking about your material. You're thinking about why are you in this situation. I know people that have been up here for 10 years, and they can't become irregular.

You know, I know people have showcased four or five times and are way better comics to me. Obviously, I've seen them. Fucking, they're way better than I. and Mitty turned them to fuck them. I've seen them. They were way better comedians an hour. But there was something she liked about you and then freaked you out.

It freaked me the fuck out. I went up on stage. I did my fucking 10 minutes. I got, I did eight or nine minutes because I got off as soon as I saw that light. I didn't want to go over that light at all. That's so funny. I did like my nine minutes.

I fucking did what I did on stage. And when I got off, she stopped me again, and she goes, snark calling in for Smarts tomorrow. You're a regular. Congratulations. At any point, did you think about the people who had told you that she was going to love you? Like, they were fucking right?

Yeah, it was Steve McGrew. It was just a couple certain comedians. But Steve McGrew was the guy that told me when I was 18 months in. He goes, Mitchie Shores, and I love you. That's why until today, me and Steve McGrew are such good friends, even though he's crazy on fucking Twitter. Give me some Tony Bennett this Monday. Got the pieces when somebody breaks your heart.

Some, somebody twice as smart as I. So now, you know, you sit there and you reflect and you go, all right, Joey, See, you got into the store after six fucking years. What the fuck are you crying about? I'm not crying at all. I'm telling you the story of my relationship with Mitzie Shaw. So after she told me I was a regular, she said to me to,

but I should dress up like Ferdinand Castro and bring a cigar up on stage. I mean, she was just wacky trying to throw me off. Now, let me explain something to you people. Getting to the comedy store is one thing. staying there. She would kick you out. She wouldn't give you spots?

I didn't say that. I said getting to the comedy store is one thing. Staying there is another. The night I got passed, she passed three other people. Those people long gone. I see one guy once a year at Marie E.T. He's drawing pictures of some shit now. Getting there is one thing.

Staying there is a complete. different other picture. All it takes is her walking in one night and you're taking a bomb on stage and it could be that quick. She gets a report that you keep bombing, you're getting high up there, that you're done. Like you stop getting spots and there's no explanation and then people end up in the psychiatric hospital. And I'm not kidding, you know, Lee. There was remnants. See, when you go up to the comedy store now, they cleaned it up. But for years, there was remnants of comics that was still left off in the Kennison days that was still like fucked up on blows still waiting for the party that i mean it was fucking sad it was sad so there were all these remnants of

all these comics that had hung out there for years that mitzi didn't let that didn't make a regular like they showcased like 13 times for her and she never made him a regular and they still hung out up there and it was sad So again, getting to the comedy stores one thing. Staying there is another. And you wanted to stay there? Now at this time, yes. Now at this time, the word on the street was if you got two spots a week, you were lucky.

So you had a call in for spots on Monday. So you had seven nights to pick one. Most people didn't call in for Tuesdays because it was black night in the main room. And that meant that the parking lot would get full. And white people wouldn't come to the comedy store because it was surrounded by black people. This is a true story. So on Tuesday nights, comics would call in and call Wednesday through Saturday.

What happened was as soon as I became a, as soon as I got passed at the store, a week later, they were posting for a job as telemarketers. So I applied for one of the jobs of telemarketer. So I would sell cigars in the morning and then about one I'd go to the comedy store and in those days it was me Shea Mattash was I spoke to her two nights ago She's a comedian in Las Vegas The manager was ends Mitchell who ended up buying the club on Wilshire a comedy club on Wilshire He was the telemarketing manager and the other guy that worked in the room was the guy I told you from Marie ET

I see once he had and In those days, our job was to call businesses and give them free tickets. That's it? I would call, like, Larry's Body Shop. How you doing? This is Joey Diaz. I'm calling you from the Comedy Store. I want to need to come out.

When was the last time you went out and seen a great entertainment? And, oh, it's been three years. Come to the Comedy Store. Let me give you 20 tickets. They would give it away tickets, that. Wow. So I would get a commission. and I would get like a dollar if they showed up.

The other scam was there was these getting free in the comedy store cards. That was the other scam at the comedy store. So if somebody came to the door and gave you that card with your name on it, you got a dollar on Friday. So you were supposed to give those cards out. So no, you didn't suppose to. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with some asshole? I would take those fucking cards and take those fucking cards. to bus to Universal City.

And I would stand in the middle and give them to tourists. And I would get 60 fucking people a night, my friend. Shit. And then on Friday and Saturday, you know what I would do? There was a line.

And when I was the doorman seeing me, I would go to the back of the line and give away like 50 tickets. Bro, they'd never figure out. They couldn't figure out how I was getting $300 a week for them. Holy shit. But legitimately, I would take

a bus to Universal City in the afternoon. and give away 100 cards three days in a row. It's brilliant. Just give it away to people. You're a tourist company. Who's not going to take a free ticket? Yeah, and people would go, give me three of them, give me four. And once I'd finish, I get back on the bus, and I go right over the hill,

or whoever will let me that car for an hour, and that's how I did it. A dollar a piece, yeah. A dollar a piece. I didn't fuck around. So when I was working in the telemarketing office, I would hear all the complaints upstairs. Pauli had an office upstairs. And then another guy had an office. Scott Day

had an office up there. So I could listen to what was going on in Scott Day's office. When Mincy would call him, when they would talk about spots. So they didn't like Prima Donnas. They didn't like people

who called it Wednesday through Saturday. So she wouldn't get them spots right off the bat. I figured that out off the bat you heard them talking about it that's crazy so i would call it monday through sunday and the most prestigious spot at the store in those days was sunday night the early mc and the late mc was seven to ten and the lane mc was ten to close the guys who ran that mc room for years were like david letting was a host for her uh what's the guy

from Full House. Oh, Sagget. Bob Saggett was a host there. Freddie Soto was a host for her. That was a prestigious position. And I wanted that fucking job. So the early host would be Bob Oshack.

He's not around, but he's a dear friend. I thought I would see him this week because he's a comedy store. And the late host would be Freddie Soto. So I would always show up on Sundays when she was there. and try to get on stage in front of her so she would see her development

and I always was honest with her. So like she would put me in the main room and I'd bomb and I'd see her during the week and one time I told her don't put me in the main room no more because I'm just bombing in there and that was it. She made me go up every fucking time at the same spot to make me bomb.

You know, like she knew, you know, with Greg Jackson is to MMA how to take a fighter and sculpt them, that's what she was to comedians. You know, the next couple weeks or what you guys saw on Twitter, there was a lot of accolades about her and stuff like that.

And trust me, the same people that talked shit about it 10 years ago. I was there with her for 10 fucking year straight. I dealt with her on a weekly fucking basis. She called me Fat Baby. She put my name Fat Baby on the roster. You know, I never got, band from there i did a lot of crazy shit even though she figured out you know i'm i took my dick

out behind judy kentjiani one time on stage and then i took my dick out on the friday night with some chick i took my dick out like three times like in four weeks and finally i bumped into and she's like don't they get your dick out no more okay it's quite a workplace oh my god it was fucking crazy remember from ninety seven to about two about 2006, the asylum was run by the Invicts. We ran that fucking place. Don't take your dick out anymore. Don't take your dick out anymore.

But she also made me the house MC. Now, two nights ago, you and I, she did on Sunday nights from 10 to close, which for me was a big time honor because I knew the people who had that position before. Let me tell you something. When I first became a regular at the store, everything else in my lifestyle. You didn't go to the other spots as much? I didn't go anywhere. I went to open mics and paid rooms, but I just belonged to the comedy store.

It's very weird. Nobody ever liked me. I never went to Montreal. I never do no festivals. I never got invited to anything. But that never meant anything to me. You know why? Because I was always a regular at the store.

Mitsy Shore liked me. I kept that in the back of my mind for years. Nobody liked me. I couldn't even get a fucking agent. I couldn't even get an agent for comedy. No comedy agent would ever fucking sign me. But she was still giving me five spots a week. So she saw something.

Did she manage anybody? No. No. At that time, by the time I got to the store, she was getting older. she wasn't up there every night she was only up there like two or three nights a week but she was there every day she was there in the daytime monday through friday and saturdays i think i think she was there like six days a week but she knew comedy you know like that's weird that nobody else fucking gave me any love

nobody guys you know when i tell you i didn't get nothing people were getting signed by three yards and CAA and ICM all around me, bro, and nobody, people would fucking run from me. But she kept giving me spots. But I believed it. The reason why I went to 418 was because I believed in comedy. Like, once she made me a believer, I was all in.

Fuck health, fuck everything else. It's all about being a comic, which also gave me a green light to be dangerous. I was dangerous. I did blow every night. You know, I did promiscuous shit, I did crazy shit. You know, I met some fucking crazy people at the comedy store in the beginning. There were these black bank robbers that had a front as a cell phone store in Crenshaw or fucking Compton.

And I was friends with them through Eddie Griffin. Trust me, I was doing some fucking kinky shit for a few years there. I'm really fucking lucky that I never, ever, ever. I even, do you know that, okay, before I fucking was the host, after the telemarking the event, Vision closed and ends Mitchell closed they wanted to do something with me I needed a day job so Bob Oshack was the driver five days a week he wanted to be a writer so he gave me the job two days a week so on Wednesdays and Fridays I was a driver there at the comedy store you know that right for who for any whatever they needed I would have to go to the hardware store and pick up materials

oh okay I would have to pick up a tongue sandwich from Mitzie who at the one Jewish deli and bring it to a house and drop it off and give it to the maid. That was her favorite lunch? She would get it once a week, tongue sandwich. I would make deposits, I would get change, I would get posters, I would do a thousand things a day. I worked like from 12 to 6, two days a week.

I was also a runner at the store. But then once I started getting, like at first, the first two years I was a regular at the store. I didn't travel. And that was done purposely. that was done purposely because I found out that she had a know she could count on you do you know what I'm saying like she had a know

so I remember when I became a regular that first week I had comedy work in Northern California one of the clubs looked at Tommy T's in I don't know one of those that's close to Oakland or something Pleasanton I think it was the same place and I canceled it I was opening for somebody I was featuring for somebody And that first week she made me a regular They were like cancel that shit

You don't want to be gone And then you call her the second week And she forget who the fuck you are Right So I focused on the comedy store For fucking my first three years Like I didn't leave till 99 Was when I started traveling

And were you still doing the telemarketing for them No the telemarketing division closed like Three months in Okay She got into an argument What to do And that was the end of that and then fucking I was I always sold cigars and then when the cigar thing died down at that time I saw screws and nuts on the phone and bolts and there was another company on Ivar and you would have to be there at five in the morning so I wouldn't even sleep I would just go right from the comedy store right there at five and sell screws and bolts and that's when I started faxing different bookers

and I would write my name is Joey Diaz I'm a regular at the comedy store I'm managed by such and such these are the weeks he got me these are the weeks I have opened and nobody would reply to me nobody would reply to me nobody would reply to me and finally boom one booker replied to me next thing or another one

and every Monday I would just fax like every day I would fax a different booker from that job that's when I started faxing resumes every fucking day I would fax 10 resumes to 10 different bookers and did Mitty tell you you to start going on the road?

No, you just thought that was the right time. I just thought it was the right time. I met Joe Rogan, like probably 98, was when I met Joe. 97. And I think the first road date I did was him was like 98. But at that time, Chris McGuire opened for Joe full time. You know, when Joe first started touring, there was Chris McGuire who opened for him. And then Chris started writing more.

And then me and Joe became tight again. and that was that story. So, and then something else happened in 2000 that I forget to mention. Like, 99, I started traveling heavy. When I say heavy, I would disappear for seven months of the shot, come back for a month, do a couple auditions,

have a few meetings, and I disappear again. And I was getting funnier and funnier on the road. The comedy store was just carving off the fact, you know what I'm saying? Would you come in and check in every... Yeah, the comedy store? Yeah, if I, listen, In those days, if my plane landed at 8, I would call in for a spot.

I would have the taxi cab or whoever dropped me off at the comedy store, and I put my luggage in the manager's room. Fuck. Like, that's the first place I went to when I got off a plane. I couldn't think of not being there. When I became a regular February 19th, from that time on for maybe two years straight, there was the night I missed there.

I was there seven nights a week. At one point in the night, I would show up there. Because God forbid, you caught a fallout. Because my spots were always lately. I was always 1245, 1215, 115 in the main room. You know what is to go up at 115 in the main room on a Saturday night? That's perfect in New York. It's a late, the same late city here.

There's not that many people there at 1.30 now. 40 people, 50 people. But that's how I learned how to rock. She puts you through that. She puts you through a special regiment. Like, that's what I'm saying. She was like a Greg Jackson, but you didn't see it. I didn't see it till later years.

I was always very proud of being a comedy store regular. Always. I've always been very proud of that fact. That's something you cannot take away from me. My name is on that wall. You could call me a thief. You could say I'm a felon. You could say whatever the fuck you want.

but that's one thing that I really, really earned, was my name on that fucking wall. And it meant having my name on that wall meant everything to me. Like, that's it. I did something. It proved to me that I did something. Whether I became with it or not, listen, man, I stayed up there as one of her loyal regulars for 10 years straight.

I got five spots a week. Plus, I hosted. and then there's a time in your life when you have to move on, man. You have to decide what you're going to do. I felt I was there all the time, and I had seen what had happened to people who were there all the time. If you notice now, I go to the comedy store, very limited. Did you notice that?

Yeah, like once or twice a week, maybe? There's a reason for that. Because I'm scared to go back to that place where I was. That's a long week at the comedy store. what do you think would happen if you didn't I just don't know like it's just a comedy store it's one of those places that you have to

keep in your life but keep it distant keep it close but keep it distant at the same time not that you don't take comedy seriously but you have different priorities now you have a family yeah and that's probably one of the reasons why let me give some shoutouts here Beto Duran

Oscar Lopez Ace of SoCal Rumpel Forskin. Tommy Inez. Time Moore. Nicholas Griswall. Kyle Palais. Beautiful little dog you got there. Lenny Gonzalez and Bobby Sharon over there

with the Cobra cast and fucking Austin, Texas bitches. This was just I wanted to do this podcast as a tribute to Mitzie Shore, man. I felt that I just ordered an hour of my fucking time. I

order more for what she did to me she was one of those angels i always talk about in life that come into your life and get out of your life but they change your life forever and you never know the answer you know why they can have this happened i don't know how i'm a comedy store regular still today 20 years later i don't know but it was like a family to me like a family had taken me in like I took it seriously, man. Like, to me, it meant the world to be a fucking comedy store regular. And still today, I wear like a badger violin. I was made by fucking Mitzi.

I wasn't made by no manager and nobody called me in and nothing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was, you know, picked by her. I did two showcases. She made me a regular. I was a regular there in less than a month. Can you fucking believe that? Until this day, I still can't get over that.

How people are here for years. Even Rogan was an unpaid regular for a while. I mean, I know people are going to say, oh, it's just another day. It's on your birthday. That has to be, that has to fuck with you at least once. It changed my life forever, man. Like right there I knew I was staying. Right there, I knew I had to figure out what I was going to do in my life.

Right there, I knew that I was in the big leagues. I wasn't big time. I was a small fucking fry in a big pond. So I kept my mouth shut. I watched. I listened. She made me follow Paul Mooney for like a year. And that really got me going.

Between Paul Mooney, Domerara, and A.J. Jamal. I became a comedian, training behind them. They were like my sparring partners. And I lost every fucking night. It was ridiculous. It was fucking ridiculous. I didn't start getting laughs at the store till like 2003

2002 was when I started like really getting the niche of the store. It took me like four years to get the niche in the room. How I lasted those four years I have no fucking idea. I can't imagine loving a place so much and going there to bomb. I wasn't bombing. I was learning something new every night. You have no idea what it is to go on at midnight. At midnight. night at 1215 that stuff brodie does that's a different world the comedy

that's a complete different world it is an hour huh it'll do an hour sometimes yeah it's a different world of comedy at midnight think it was somebody's head is that at midnight what the fuck were you doing out at midnight you know like I would go up every night at 1245 10 to 1 who the fuck is out vampires there would be eight nine people in the audience so My first three years of comedy, I basically performed five nights a week for eight or nine people. Every once in a while, they'd be 30 if I was fucking lucky. And I mean, how much of a big deal we were talking about going in just being at the store,

but would the store have had the same appeal if Mitzie wasn't there? I think she was like a huge part of it. You know, for years growing up, a lot of you guys don't remember. that was evening at the improv. I've heard of it. That was a show that was on A&E early on. It was comedians would go on stage, and then they would thank fucking, you know,

Bud Friedman, thank you, and Bud would sit there with his little monocle and wave and shit. And it was kind of cute. Then you move out here, and you realize that that's all bullshit. Those people don't even talk like that. You know what I'm saying?

Like you see behind the curtain and you start getting negative about it, I didn't feel that way with Mitzie. With Mitzie, we just talked. Like, was she the legend that she was? She saw something, man. A lot of people were there. Sandra Bernhard,

the black chick from the view, with the dread, that one woman show upstairs. What's the name? Whoopi? Yeah, Whoopi Goldberg. The comedy store runs deep, guys. This is deep, deep, deep.

Sometimes you go down a little, and you look through the yearbooks and you see like actors in there like Andy Garcia Andy Garcia was part of an improv troupe there on Monday nights I think if I'm not wrong David Letterman was part of the improv group on Monday nights like the biggest night at the comedy store was Monday nights and Andy Garcia was part of that like I can't tell you how many people went through the comedy store at different phases of of their lives. You remember when I told you that I don't know if you're going to be a stand-up

comic, but I know that this is going to point you in the direction. It's the same thing with the store. Some people got to the store and Austin they went, wait a second. This isn't what I wanted to do. This is not what I want to do. I do not want to follow fucking

Whoopi Goldberg every night. I do not want to follow Chris DeLea. I do not want to follow Richard Pry. This is not what I thought. They just changed. careers really just because of who they're following no Lee I'm just saying that it's a realization of what this is right when you get to the store after you've been in Chicago for seven eight years fighting for your life doing open mics and you move out here and you sign with a manager and you get to the

comedy store and you go up there and you see all these fucking names that you grew up liking and you grew up watching that you grew up watching their specials on Comedy Central that affects people different ways people go fuck I'm here this is a bit too scary for me do you know I'm saying like it it becomes real when you get to that level like this isn't the fucking fucking around level this isn't you and your buddies in the basement going someday I'm going to be a comedian at the comedy store no this is real now now you're following people now you're in that fucking mix I told you that four weeks ago I fucking had a sit one night on the cooler because I had to bring up

fucking Martin Lawrence. Like, are you fucking crazy? Like, I've been doing comedy for 27 years and I've never been blown away. And that night, I know Martin, I did Martin's fucking specials on that network stars in 2003 before anybody

was doing stand-up. He signed up with that dude Doug and did a stand-up show and I was one of the comedians. I know Martin Lawrence, but that night when I brought him up and I went to the back and I I'm standing there with Rogan and fucking Joe and Mickey Gall and fucking Kelvin Gastelman. And here's fucking Martin Lawrence up on stage.

I'm sitting there going, this place still blows me back 20 years later. You know, that's the magic of the comedy store. It wasn't getting there. It was staying there. That's what she taught me. Getting there was one thing. Staying there for 20 years is a thing. complete other thing and the only reason why I'm in this why I have a wife why I have a

daughter why I have this podcast with you is because of Mitchie Shore and what she did to me that night on my 34th birthday so when I talk about people and thinking that this was a catwalk it wasn't a catwalk for anybody just the fact that I got to showcase for that woman in my lifetime. I was buying bars, guys. I went through a fucking diagnostic. I mean, you know, I talked to a prison psychiatrist, and here I am in front of Mitsy Shore showcasing, and then to make it worse, I become a fucking regular. I thank her. I thank her for giving me my wife, my daughter, this podcast, all the things that happened to me through comedy happened to me because of the comedy store, Mitchie Shore. Thank you very much for listening.

for Columbus this week. I sold out. But 10 beat. I'm coming. The third, the fourth, and the fifth. Let the Mexicans fucking run loose. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Anyway, rest and peace, Mitzie Shaw. Thank you very much for showing me the journey of comedy, man. Thank you for letting me into your club. And thank you for teaching me how to become a comedian. Thank you. I want to thank Fuji Sports. Listen, like I said, in the beginning of the show, you're a fat fuck, you're thinking of joining jujitsu.

You're going to buy the wrong ghee. Don't even fuck around. Go right to Fuji Sports.com right now. Take a look at their line. They got a purple guy. It's like a $99 geat. It's like an off. It's not blue.

It's not white. It's not black. That's a great beginner guy. That's a great ghee. It's comfortable unless the school wants a white ghee. Then get yourself a fucking Separito. or an element, an element's a night star to geek. It's light, it's fucking durable, you can hang on,

and you got a fucking gorilla can hang on my fucking collar, and nothing will happen. Go to Fuji Sports.com, if you're a big guy, you're looking for rash cards. Also, joey dears.net has big rash cards for you fat fucks also. So we got some fucking rash cards rocking the house for you. Also, I want to give a shout out to out of all. First of all, if you like something from Fuji

on the checkout press, Bam, and get 10% off because Uncle Joey sent you there, all right? Number two, if you're looking for supplements, you know which way to go. You got to go without it. Just between the Shroom Tech and the Alpha Brain and the Shroom Tech immune, right there. If you were to take a Shroom Tech immune, you wouldn't have had the bronchitis, and you would have been smoking dope with three hands. I fucked up.

You fucked up, he got away. But anyway, Alpha Brain has 100% money back guarantee, and you keep the product. That's how much belief they have in their product. So go to honor.com right now and press in church and get 10% off on your way out. Don't forget to look for Aubrey Marcus' book. Go on Amazon type in Aubrey Marcus.

I don't know the name of the fucking book right off hand right now, but I got a copy at the house. I got to read and I read like the first eight pages and it was very motivating. So go to Amazon, I think. There's something the Aubrey Martin book, Aubrey Marcus book. And that's it and that's that.

this podcast was from Mitty Shorn just to let you guys know it's not getting there it's what you do what the fuck you get there you understand me we'll be back Wednesday stay black Uncle Joey loves you have a great week Fuji Sports I love you

honor I love you kick that fucking Mulee and now the end is near and so I face the final curtain my friend I'll say it clear

I'll state my case of which I'm certain I've lived a life that's full I traveled each and every highway and more much more than this

I did it my regrets I've had a few but then again too few to mention I did what I had to do

saw it through without exemption I planned Each charted course Each careful step Along the byway Much more than this I did it

My I'm sure I've had my fill My sheriff And now As tears subside I find it all so amusing in a shy way I did it