The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #579 - Nic Gregoriades

Episode Date: April 25, 2018

Nic Gregoriades, the first Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Black belt under Roger Gracie the Host of "The Jiu Jitsu Brotherhood" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:    FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 04/25/2018.
  

Greetings from Podcastville. The church of what's happening now is brought to you by Fuji Sports.com. Listen, whether you're doing Muay Thai, whether you're doing jujitsu, whether you're looking for match, whatever you want to do.

Fuji Sports, they've been there since day one. This is Nakasaki was Nagasaki. Fuji was fucking there, all right? Fuji made their first fucking ghee. Me, I'm a fat fuck. I've always loved Fuji for that reason. I'm down on A5 when I was in A6.

They would tug on me, pull me, Do everything and that fucking ghee was tougher than debt. Go with the Superado. I don't know much about the Seku. I got one, but I don't like how it looks. I'm a Superado type of dude. Or start with a lightweight, $96 purple ghee. Rock them with that one.

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It's right. You lift them weight. You're trying to put the pieces together. You got to start with fucking on it, right there, plain and simple. That new fucking protein shake, they got the Mexican chocolate. Are you kidding me? Mexican people invented fucking chocolate. You've seen what they look like. These fucking Mexicans, they're huge. Why? They invented chocolate. Then they put cheese on top. They don't give a fuck. My point is, for your supplements, you got to go at honor.com. Whether it's the alpha brain, the shroom tech, the shroom tech immune, lead on take. That's why he's got bronchitis and he can't smoke dope. Me?

I snort that shit. You understand me? You got on a plane with a bunch of fucking foreigners. Everybody's coming from a different destination. Somebody's got something. You know what I'm saying? Somebody's got a fun guy tall among these cock-suckers. It might be you.

Shut the fuck up, cock-suck. Anyway, go to honor.com right now and press in. Church. Bam! 10% off delivered right to the crib. You know what I'm saying? You have to leave the fucking house in nothing. Kick that fucking mulee.

Oh shit. We're going old school on you, motherfuckers. This was one of my thieving songs in the 83. You know what I'm saying? When I was fucking robbing houses, I used to get siked up to this song. This is Madonna, the first album, where she was sucking dick in New York.

There we go. Do this motherfucker. We got the Christ killer, and we got my main man, my mentor. Mr. Nick Greg O'Garious. She doesn't want a bonnet professor. I'm trying to do with you right now. Oh shit.

Here we go, baby. Church of what's happened now? It's a beautiful fucking Wednesday. It's a fucking beautiful day to be alive. The birds are out, the sun's out. It's like 90 degrees here in California. Plus, my main man, my Jiu-Jitsu mentor, fucking, if you remember the show Kung Fu from the old series

in the 7th. this is the epitome of kung fu only for jiu jih Tzu martial arts and the great nick gregariots how you doing jerry my greek friend from south africa who i loved dearly what's happened brother oh man i'm just happy to be here i'm just enjoying the weather as well it's so good huh it's so good you look good man i just wanted to tell you as well i'm actually not your greek friend i did the 23 and me test you're not no i'm actually found out i'm only i can only be 6% Greek at most and the rest is Lebanese and British which blew my mind. Don't believe them though.

You don't reckon? No, I think the same test. I came up Chinese and fucking African which I knew I got African and when you're Cuban you got to have African in you. Is that right? Yeah, absolutely. That's why they took the slaves and these fucking savages started fucking them. Cubans were Indians you know like the Ta-hano Indians and shit like that and then

but anyway. I'm from fucking the fork by Spain, whatever that region's called. That's the most blood I have in me. Okay. Number two was West African. Number three was Chinese. Number four was American Indian. Number five was champion.

Number five was Dick of Debt, you understand me. Number five was Russian Jew, which is dick of death where I come from. Explain, explain a little more. I wish that's all I am is Russian Jew. I don't know. My wife's, hers came back that she was an American Indian. Okay. And her mother's American Indian.

So their explanation was that if you're American Indian, it doesn't trace you back for five generations, something fucking crazy. So I don't know how legit 23 of me, I'm not dogging them or nothing. Like I said, I always knew that it was African. Fair. And my wife's dad did it as well. And it popped up because, you know, you can share, you can allow them to match you up with relatives that you didn't know you had.

And it popped up saying, by our estimation, you have a high. sister that he didn't know about it and it just popped up so he sent her a message I think he's gonna connect with her which is pretty cool so he's got a new sister well that's cool to be honest to be very honest I don't I never really understood everyone doing this stuff I'm like don't like why doesn't why does everyone care with but that would be cool to find like a long lost relative but like I never really understood why people want to do it me basically for the health one to have like a screening of what you're susceptible to oh okay like what

diseases you could have or what problems you may have or what areas. I did it for that reason. And they said you're susceptible to smoking weed, right? I'm susceptible to smoking weed. I had a high, you know, it was different areas. Like I had a high chance of cardio just because of family history. Like, you have to really look at family history in a lot of situations, you know. And did it make you change your lifestyle when you found these things out? Yeah, absolutely. I had like a, I've always, you know, I started out a really healthy guy. Like today, I talked to a kid that we went to karate together. That karate squad was goopin on before.

The Japanese master comes over and your key has to be ironed. And you really buy into it for a few years. And you realize it's all a fucking stunt that the guy's coming over. He's going to 10 academies. He's picking up five envelopes and five Gs apiece. He's not even Japanese. He doesn't even know fucking karate. He just, you know, whatever.

It was such a cloud of bullshit smoke. So I talked to him today. He called me. We still talk 40 fucking years later. That's cool. Does he do jit-to-no or not? No, he don't do dick now. His father died and left in $10 million.

He didn't do dick. He just spends money. He had a sex slave for a while. What? When I first, when I first, when I first reconnected with him, about 2008, no. The first time I reconnected with him was after I did the longest yard, Uh-huh. We spoke on the phone, because he'd always contact me for years on December 17th.

That's when my father and mother, my mother and his father and mother would come over to the bar. It's a Cuban holiday, December 17th. It's St. Lazaro's Day. So we also went to karate together, and we also went to Bruce Lee movies together. And we hung out with another guy that was half-retarded at the time. His name is Mike, seriously. Uh-huh. And he says he still talks to Mike.

Okay. Mike's family owned buildings in Union City and he always lived in the basement so Mike's family lived in one building and Mike lived in the other building by himself in the basement Can you imagine being that fucking eight-year-old kid? Eight years old. Sharing a basement with your brother. So we turned into a little martial arts studio. We bought the fucking thing that you hold and hit with the canvas on it.

He hung it up. He had poles. We wrapped them with foam. We kicked the fucking things. So we would always sleep. with Crazy Mike is what we called. Okay. Is that the one where someone went through a wongle or something? No, that was Mario Diaz's house.

That was a Cuban Chinese kid. That was parents were off the chart smart. Okay. Like, they were like fucking millionaire smart. He lived in this house up in North Bergen. And he was a Kung Fu kid. Okay. Like a Fujia Pi Kung Fu kid.

I was a goju, a Gush and Roo Karate kid. Did you guys fight it out to see who's the best? Bro, every night to the death. You understand me? When you're 12, 11, to the debt we would knock it down. Me, him, there was an Nikito kid on the block and a judo kid. And we would just fuck each other up.

We all made commitments. We all went to Honda Sports. Okay. And we all promised each other. We had to buy the boxing gloves. And we bought the headgear, which in those days was huge. You look like a cat that never got fixed. You ever see when a male cat never gets fixed and he lives for a long time.

I haven't noticed that. If you ever see a male cat that hasn't gotten fixed, fixed and he you know if you adopt the cat you fixed them but uh if you don't fix them they get so much testosterone that their head starts to grow no and the head gets so fucking big that it looks like fucking something crazy no is this for real just for real because my the kids the cats i have their dad was a pure killer who lived outside and the people who lived in the building my wife said i he was out there since he was a kitten he was crazy. He showed up like eight guys,

eight brothers and sisters, but then they all got killed. He's the only one that lived. He had a knack for survival. This guy was just badass. So how do we get on fucking? I was just thinking about that. The helmet with the kid. I was like, was this cat part of the fight club? I didn't know what happened. So we just had big helmets and we bought the shing guards in those days, which are two pieces. And you had to pull them up.

It's not like the shing guards now in Muay Thai where you strap on. Yeah. And about 9 o'clock at night We'd all make up some bullshit excuse That we were going to Mac Because he was a smart kid We're all going over to the do homework Oh go ahead

Mario's very small I'll help you with that geometry Fuck you We had our geese already over there We had made the movement over there in the daytime We put our fucking geese on And just start fucking blast Until about 10.30

Kicking each other We do the iron palm technique We had the fucking rocks In the backyard and we'd sprinkle the chin-chin juice on your hands and we do that I am pumped I mean we were gone We were gone this is you know America is a different from from 68 69 Which some people that listened to this podcast weren't even born It was an over flooding of after the green hornet an over flooding of Asian martial art movies came over here

Because Bruce Lee was in the green horn and he was cato was in the greenhorn he was cato right after that like the first martial arts film I remember is five fingers of death no that had to come out in 6970 that one was about the iron palm technique okay he would go like that and his palm would turn red and then he'd fuck you up a weird noise came up he'd fuck you up after that and shit that had to be 69 70 okay and then after that every movie theater like we were talking about the movies the night how in the 70s and 80s early 80s every movie Every town had a movie theater, had a midnight movie.

And it was either Pink Floyd, Pompeii, or whatever. But at the same time, they had Kung Fu festivals. And you never seen teenage boys blues their mind. Seriously? Yeah, because it's, you know, $2 come here at 1130, and you don't let get let loose till 5. And you've seen two karate movies. When you're 13, all that testosterone,

and you come out of it, you start throwing punches. is we'd go to the movie theaters, and what you did was you went in your karate school. So I'd go with the fucking white dragons, and Lee would come with his Taekwondo school, and you would show up. There was no Jiu-Jitsu then. Jiu-Jitsu wasn't even on the map.

You had to drive for judo. Okay. You had a drive for judo. The only thing around was pure karate, pure kung fu. There was an Aikido school in Manhattan and one in New Jersey, but that's it. You had a fucking drive for judo.

Judo was in the village. The Judo was in the village. a judo club and there was a russian cuban dude who taught judo on seventh street and that's where the judo guy that we'd always beat up yeah yeah because the judo guy was great that we trained with but he could never put his arms around this we'd punch him in the face ten times by the time he put his arm around this he was like a purple button judo we'd fuck up this world in fact i spoke to him yesterday i spoke to the judo kid yesterday yesterday he called me and i was swimming with my wife his name is martin perez okay his father his father was batista's driver

in the van of Cuba when we were kids they shot his father just to remind me Batista is the guy before Fidel that Fidel overthrew Oh wow Faddle overthrew

When Cuba was corrupt And whatnot I'm surprised you guys didn't brawl In the movie theater They were fistfights All the fucking time What? And I still remember being a kid

Like being maybe eight And going to a movie theater On 148 Street One Saturday afternoon Where there was a Kung Fu Flick and it was black people, white people, Puerto Ricans, Irish, and Italians. Let me tell you some.

There was 20 fist fights doing that movie theater. I'm just picturing gangs of New York and Martin Scorsesee film, you know, those like... No, this was so nuts because during a week, Professor, I lived amongst nice white people on 88th Street. But on the weekends, my Santa Ria godmother lived on 148th Street.

And that was, in these days, this was the wild wildest of Harlem. This was the mouth of heart. Harlem, you know. Not really. Harlem, the Mount of Harlem is 125th Street, 118th, though. But this was out there still. And there was a movie theater in the middle. And I remember that I fell in love with a movie called Our Latin Thing. And I fucking went to the movies every day. Every day I went to see that movie because they played it every day. What was it about? It was about a Spanish All-Star band that I still listen to them from the time.

In fact, I have the movie album, but I still remember going there on a Saturday. Like the two o'clock movie would be like fucking a kung fu movie. Oh my God. Yeah, that would be people. You see popcorn flying. For me, when I was growing up, like the ninja craze, it just hit. You know, like that it was the mid-80s. Yes, yes, yes.

And I remember, like, every year between the ages of maybe like nine and 12, I could have this slumber party for my birthday, right? And my parents would just stay upstairs in the downstairs part of the house. It'd be like, you and your friends can watch movies. and, you know, hang out. And this new series of movies that just arrived in South Africa on VHS called American Ninja. Do you remember those with Michael Dudacock? Yes.

And a similar kind of thing happened. We watched a couple. We rented American Ninja 1 and 2 and watched them back to back. And it was the same. At the end of that, it was these like 10 or 12 little kids who had just lost their minds. I mean, like, everything was a ninja weapon. And the dudes like hiding behind the curtains and guys like jumping over. It was pretty cool.

What a fun time. Yeah, it was great. What a fun time in your life. I look at that. We had the luck of our movie theater was on 48th Street. My mother had a bar on 29th Street, and the movie theater was on 48th Street. So we'd walk those 20 blocks and just rage. You know, we were young kids on the street, eight, nine years old, just talking about what dreams we had.

That's a long way, 20 blocks. That's not like a two-minute walk. That was like nothing. Oh, my God. It was like nothing in that day. We'd do that walk every day. Twice. Twice we'd do that walk from my mother's bar.

Because I think there was a place father that had good Cuban food. Like the thick stuff, like the rice and the beans. The sandwiches was down the corner. But to finish the story, that on the way home from that Kung Fu Theater, it would be late if they had a, it was called El Cinema. And if you went to see like Into the Dragon or anything, five fingers at that and a one-arm swordsman or whatever the fuck was playing, you leave there all testosterone.

And you'd be walking down the boulevard Bergen line avenue and on 31st Street maybe there was a huge fruit market Huge I'm talking the size of this building and another one okay and in front of it would be all the boxes of fruit And we would start beating those things We would start kicking those boxes they would fall into the street you see cars driving around the boxes We'd have 60 feet of boxes to beat the fuck out of it and they just fly all over then the cars would come we'd run away like a little thing yeah that's great i actually remember that feeling you know you when you're when you're young before you have cars and you and your bodies it's like summer vacation and you just you just walk here on you're so bored but like

you just walk around looking for something to do but it's it's you're still having a really good time you know and the thing for me i went to thailand about 10 years ago and there was a bunch of these digital nomad dudes i became friends with you know people just work from their from their computers and it was kind of that same feeling is when we were kids walking around, because we just walk around the streets of Bangkok. But the cool thing was we weren't like broke little kids anymore. We'd all like made, you know,

we were adults so we could afford to do the real cool stuff. And so that just made me think of that. What was your introduction to martial arts professor? Judo, man. My dad was like a karate guy, like a good karate guy. And there was no, but there was no karate class where I lived, but the school was doing judo.

So, my best friend who was a year older than me but he was in the same grade he said uh i remember telling my mom that uh like uh he was doing judo and then i was like i want to do that i want to do that so my mom said sure you can try it and i went like at the age of seven and i did juda and i loved it and i was pretty good at it and so that was it judo yeah now how old were you seven seven and how long did you stick with it probably like four or five years and then i got like distracted and right right that's what same thing that happened to me yeah in those years did you feel the zen of it did you experience the zen of them yeah yeah we when you were a

tycoondo guy did you ever experience a zen of it at any point or was it something that you just put your suit on got in the call with your dad and felt you were forced to do you didn't see the zen of it i liked forms i don't know that sounds really dorky but that's what i i was I was good at form. Actually, that was the biggest trophy I ever won. I won first place in form was one year. That's like Catas, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I really enjoyed it. Did you practice them? Oh, yeah. How many times a day? I don't know if it was every day, but I remember when you were getting ready to test for the new belt. We would have, we had a living room. We'd push all the furniture out of the way and do it for my mom eight thousand times. And just, yeah, I still kind of remember one.

You'd like a right block kick punch. It was just, and then you just do it to all four corners. All four corners. And you can, like, you're supposed to get your moves really crisp and do it exactly right. I like that. I think I was so young because I don't think I was even 10 yet. I don't remember doing a lot of sparring, but we would do a little bit. And I got all the way to Red Belt.

And then I just, I was a kid and I got bored and I quit. I think once you turn 13 and you see pussy, a little bit of alcohol. 14 and then because that was my conflict my conflict was my karate friends were by the book they were a lot of fun I know when I look back now I had a lot of fun with those guys on the weekends because we were karate geeks Which meant that we were exposed to New York City on a Saturday So we would all lie to our mothers you go to the library You go to the library right we're going to library fuck that we take a bus over to the city we'd all save our money You delivered papers leave

worked with his father at the shoe store I worked with my mother at the bar and we go over on Saturdays to a fucking martial arts supply place that was a couple floors yeah know what that's like when you're martial arts geek yeah you know and I still remember the tomfa before cops had yeah yeah yeah yeah that's how old I am like I still remember the kabooten tanfa was sold in black belt magazine and Honda and it was a wooden one or like the wooden one with a stick yeah yeah yeah the new child that were octagon they were octagons like all that shit like I still remember my dick getting hard walking into that building yeah that's the feeling I that was

the zen part of it I kind of felt the zen part of it but pussy and drinking with my buddies was better so I abandoned the martial arts at the age of 16 fair enough I just said this is too much I didn't like I was playing basketball then you know and I didn't uh I had to take you know once a week I could make it when I play basketball practice still 630 by the time I got home chains and took another bus I'd hit the men's class from 8 to 10 you know they had a men's class and shit but it's so weird how to it the Zenevitt always stayed with me yeah I get it and then something really weird happened like when I was starting comedy and I was going

through all my divorce shit I joined the tanks suhdo school subach do school and i stuck with that for about a year and the only problem with that is you could buy your way through the system you can be a black belt and a half if you want and then they're so you the gold belt after you get to black belt you could sell the four you as long as you know the forms you could test you could test every testing period which wasn't really good but i could learn the forms and the three three basic techniques or whatever and then i forgot about martial arts i became a comic blah blah blah blah and then i came back and i came back here and that same style of Sue Bogdo was on the corner and it was too late

professor I was three hundred just out of shape yeah and I would go in there in the morning class and stuff but it just wasn't working out then we moved in the cocaine the whole thing how do you think what do you think was the biggest factor that caused you to get so out of shape Joey if it was if you could single down one thing the out of control eating eating okay the out of control eating the out of control eating the out of control eating was I could eat. You know, nobody, when I was a kid, I was very thin, and I was ashamed, so I went on a tear,

and I lifted weights, and I did everything you could do to get bigger, and I started gaining them weight, and I stayed at a great weight until about 28. And then it was nothing serious. It was 220, 227, nothing serious. I still had big broad shoulders I still had big fucking hands You know

Then once I got to Seattle Once I became a regular at the store I was probably 255 And once I became a regular at the store I just became unhaged Yeah it's because like as you get a little bit out of shape Then you kind of or you almost like give up right Like that's because then you're like

Exercise becomes harder so you exercise less And then you get a bit more out of shape And then you eat more And then it's just this like vicious circle. It's crazy about how at the age of 30, I was back in New York City. I'd gotten divorced. I was broke. And I was exercising like a fucking lunatic.

I worked out of the gym for free because these two kids, when we were kids, their house burnt down. They lived over a bodega. And my mom helped them out. So when they recognized me, they said, what is it? You're cocoa. No, you don't pay. So I had a gym in Jersey. Okay.

And then I signed up for a boxing gym in New York because they had a buy a lot. locker and put clothes in there and my notebooks and shit so I could run around New York City go to the boxing gym get a little work out in for 20 bucks pay a guy to try hit the mitts a little bit take a shower put on new outfit write a few jokes and I'd fucking go out and do so I always kept in the shape Colorado had a bench in my living room it's once I left Colorado in 95 and I became in love with comedy I can't explain what happened but if we compare it was three eggs

for breakfast a half a loaf of wonder bread yeah that's probably did it right there just the one bread I could do eight slices I'd today I take a half a piece of bread

and I cut the yolk I don't eat any egg white fuck that shit I only eat the egg yolk and I only eat the egg yolk and a piece of bread no butter no nothing before I would break the yolk and I wouldn't be done

until all the yolk juice was broken. If it took 12 pieces of bread with butter on them, it took 12 pieces of bread with butter on them. If it took 10, it took 10. And my wife would cook the whole pack of bacon. Damn. The Oscar Meyer, the whole pack, a prime cut, the middle cut. Every morning.

Every morning before she leave. So I'd wake up to bacon. My wife's in the south, Jack. And my wife would have, let's be honest, two slices of bacon. Yeah. And I would eat the rest. Then I would smoke some popcorn.

A few cigarettes, get my blood pressure really up. And I go to McDonald's and get the morning breakfast. This is after you had the breakfast at home. This is after I had the breakfast at home an hour and a half later. It had to be before 11 o'clock. Damn. I'd go get the McMuffin with the potato and a full-size Coke. Wow.

And then two hours and I would go for Chinese food, which is just no bueno at any level. Soup to fucking appetizer with the thing, the spring roll. The grease is. coming out of it. Yeah. The rice is six, seven points, but whatever was in the food,

you know, the goat meat in the beginning, and whatever, then I would go home and my wife would have something in the afternoon. I would eat like a something, a piece of meatlo.

And then for dinner, I would just kill it. So this is like six meals a day, basically. And then I'd go up and if I was doing Coke, I would drink alcohol with soda. But even if I wasn't doing Coke, I would drink 16 sodas.

Jesus. You know, you just keep going back to the bar, drinking you're thirsty i've never think of water i never even thought of water as an option wow like it was i only drank water when i take a dot of vitamin like you i'm gonna drink fucking water i never drank water since i was a killer than like water you know something i noticed recently i put this together because i put on a bit of weight and i'm trying to cut down um and i realize that all the people in my life who are thin they all have one thing in common

And that's it. They all eat really slowly. They don't really eat anything different, but they just eat really, really slowly. Have you noticed that? That's the secret. Yeah. That's the real secret. To eat half, push the dish away.

Yeah. But it's difficult to do that time. Talk for 10 minutes. Can you do that? I try. I've been doing it lately. I eat a little bit and I push the dish away and talk to my daughter. Okay.

And we talk to talk at the table. We talk like a family. And then I'll pull the dish back in and eat the other half. Fair enough. I've got to get into that. Because I'm a fucking savage. I eat like if I'm in prison. I really do.

I eat like there's 20 dudes and there's six cheese burgers. You know, so that's what I eat like. I'm very ashamed of that time period in my life. It was so weird because I still remember it being like February or January, and I borrowed money from Josh Wolfe because I had an audition for a Penzole commercial, mafia commercial. I was going to be huge. The sopranoes were out.

So everything they were doing at the time was mafia-related in 2000 from 99 to 2003. I booked everything that was mafia-related. I would go out on three mafia auditions a week. But I booked the Penzo commercial. And they said, we need you back here Thursday for a callback. I didn't have a suit. So I went to the Hollywood suit outlet. And they gave me three suits, three shirts, three fucking socks.

Three belts, yeah. Three belts for $200. But just don't smoke a cigarette next. to that suit, you know? Because you will go up like a fucking, you will light up like a fucking terrorist bomber, you understand? You'll just blow up into flames.

So I bought the three suits. See, they tailored them for you. And maybe two months later, maybe six weeks later, I had an audition, I had to put the suit on, I went to put the suit on. You know, sometimes you put your pants on and you just tuck your belly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gaining some weight. Guys, I was three inches away. From getting them, getting the trousers on. I just bought this suit six weeks ago. And I'm three inches away. But at that point,

the sleep apnea had kicked into my life. Oh, yeah. At a heavy dose. And, you know, I found out that during sleep apnea, your body releases quarter saw, which I was already starting to get the ball on my back.

What does that mean? When at night, when you sleep, when you're a fat fuck, and you can't breathe at night, your body goes into danger. And once that body goes into danger, what does your body release? Cortisol, yeah. So when you sleep and it happens at night, that's why when you see obese people, they have lumps on their backs.

Oh, shit. That's the collection of the cortisol. Cortisol. Really? Like when I finally decided to get help, it was when I could feel that I was 418. 418 pounds. I was 411. God damn.

Yeah. I did the longest yard, and the longest yard tricked me psychologically. Because I said to myself, this is going to be great, because now I'm going to be the fat guy from now on. So what the fuck? So let me just eat more kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. Let's just enjoy this. Yeah.

You know, my favorite thing at those days was going and buying the not the 16 ounce Coke, but the 32 ounce. And getting a pint of New York super fudge chunk. And I had a big glass. My wife got me a glass from somewhere like a milkshake glass. And I would take the whole pint of New York Superfudge chunk, empty it in a glass. Oh, my God. And put soda on it and mix it up until the whole soda and the thing were done.

I was headed to death. Add the cigarettes, add the cocaine, add the fucking sleeping four nights or four hours a night. I was just going. I was just going. And I remember that after the longest yard, while we were shooting the longest yard in New Mexico was when they put me on oxygen therapy. At that time, when I shot the longest yard,

I was probably about 3.80. And that's when I realized how I'd do something in my life. So they had a trailer where you can work out, and I would go in there on the set and just do fucking... But I would never get on the scale. I didn't even want to see the fucking scale. I didn't want to see the fucking scale. Like, I didn't find out I was 4-18.

till I went to some fucking place, and I got on their scale. It was like some doctor's office, and I was like four fucking 16, I think I was. That's the truth. And, I mean, that number 400, like, once you cross that, I mean... No, you're done. You're done. You're in murky waters of debt. It was something professor that I can't...

My wife was tying my shoelaces. She wasn't even married to me yet. Is this the same wife you have now? Yes, the same wife I have now. Sure. She really loves you, dude. She was tying my shoelaces. After the longest yard, I said, fuck it, I'll play the fat guy.

If they're going to pay me, I'll play the fat guy. And I kept doing it, but guess what? There was no more fat rolls. So I thought it was acceptable. You know, I really thought this is acceptable behavior for me to do this. And I went across the street to the YMCA finally one day. I treated the YMCA like it was a gay bar. Like I wouldn't even look at it

Like I knew I mean Professor when I tell you It was across the street I'm not telling you it was a raw Nicole It wasn't even a 60 pace walk From my front door to the YMCA It was a three minute walk It's basically a free gym

And it's a free gym And I treated it like it was a place That gave out AIDS I'm not going in there They're gonna get me AIDS in there And then finally I go Let me just go in there And see what's up

And I took a brochure A pamphlet that said Come in for for a free health evaluation with a trainer. Okay. And I fucking signed up and I made it to the appointment. And the guy put me on the treadmill. And they fucking, he put it up to point five.

I think I had to get off after 30 something. God damn. And the guy goes, listen, go, quit smoking. Go for walks and come back when you lose dirty panels. He goes, there's nothing I can do for you. Well? And then I went back there on my own. after I would box in the mornings and then go back there on my own and hit the bag and I would ride the stationary bicycle at that time.

And I went to Weight Watchers. Weight Watch was the best thing that ever happened to me because they taught me how to think. Yeah. And especially now, today the program is tremendous because it's all protein. It's all this. Fair enough. You know, they don't even want you to read. Even red meats a little. Seriously.

Like I had pot roast today and it cost me. In the points, then? The points. I'm not familiar with weight watches. Remind me how it works again? Right now, at this time, any piece of fish, shellfish is free. You can eat as much as you want? You got six lobster tails?

Bring them on. Okay. No sauce, but just the meat itself. Just the meat itself. It's five points for a tablespoon of butter. Five points? Five points. So you better play your cards right.

How many points do you get a day? 40. Okay, okay. Yeah, fair enough. And so if I eat eggs are free. As many eggs as you want? 65 eggs a day. Damn, okay.

And chicken breast are free. You can't lose. Because protein keeps you feeling full. Yeah, so you can't lose. Vegetables are free, juice is free. That's what you and I were discussing on the way up here. A couple weeks ago I weighed in and I was a pound overweight. I got, how did I gain a pound?

It was because I was going to the assayee place. and she explained to me that eating fruit and blending fruit is two different stories because of your saliva your enzymes in your mouth break it down and separate the sugars or something like that so just learning that it was worth the fucking program now I know that like they agree you want to eat three bananas with your eggs if you eat two six scrambled eggs and three bananas it's fucking free well like you just ate breakfast for free if you could do that if you put ketchup on your fucking eggs it's going to cost you a couple points but so there's ways to finagle the system

and you lose weight yeah and you lose weight you learn how to eat the right way yeah you know how many people have like i was referred for that surgery and knock on what i didn't do it because that's gasic gusipods doesn't do nothing because it doesn't change your reading habits the best thing that ever happened to me was me walking into a brazilian jiu jutsu school That's cool. How I came upon you, the best day of my, like, I never had a good day when I was growing up. Like, maybe I went to five-star basketball camp, maybe, you know, those accomplishments. But for 16, 20 years, I was stuck in a rut.

So the best accomplishment I made was getting married. Another accomplishment was sticking with stand-up. The biggest accomplishment was getting off the drug of drugs. and then getting married and having my daughter the big accomplishments but for me what changed my life completely was walking into a jiu-jitsu studio that's cool

yeah it's a lot of people have had their lives turn around completely there's a guy I forget his surname I think his first name is Josh you can find him if you search for Jiu-Jitsu saved my life and he lost I think he lost something like 50 or 60 pounds

in a year and he devoted himself to J-J-J-Zs he was like a really unhappy out of shape, had no drive, no zest for life. And he started doing jiu-tzee and all those things were taken care of. And I think it's because, like, you know, you're hanging out with people and your brain is engaged, your body's engaged. It's just a very healthy thing to do. What jiu-jitsu did for me was, it showed me how weak I really was.

It showed me that what I was thinking about being in shape, I was completely wrong. It showed me that I was eaten wrong. It showed me I was living my life wrong. It was a real wake-up call and I still remember joining Jiu-Jitsu Being involved with Jiu-jitsu maybe three months and getting on stage and Bombing I opened up for Rogan downtown like in the summer in July. It was like a summer gig when which year was this? What are we two 17? We're 218 no Yeah, 2 18 so this is 213 so this is I joined Jiu-jitsu in 13.

But I joined like in March or something after the baby was born. That July, I did a show. And so, jujitsu, when I walked out at jujitsu school, after I did a couple hip escapes, I never felt my head feel that way. I never felt my body.

When I was walking out and getting into the car, I said, I'm happy I did this because I know I'm never going to do this again. But by the time I got in the car, I made the right turn on Burbank Boulevard and was headed back to Comston, I realized that I had to come back because this can't exist in my life.

These holes in my game. What if something really happens and I have my daughter and I can't handle myself? This is what I need to do. And I went to that place for a few months and I didn't really, I loved it. It was completely blind.

that was basically going in there to breathe professor that's it if I could fucking breathe never mind an arm bar never mind a mount from fucking quasi-modos knuckles I'm just worrying about breathing and living if I could come back to my car and live like I would write like a will before I went to Jiu-Jitsu on Mondays you know it fucked with me professor it fucked with me that I started pressing in YouTube and then you came up and it's cool the first video you spoke about was breathing and how get on your side or something don't stay on your back and blah blah and I was like first off if anybody knows anything about me I don't

really like these fucking lymie accents but your accent was fucking soothing your voice was very soothing I could tell that you were a patient professor I appreciate that I could tell that if I was in your class you would come over and go no put your leg so I started watching all your videos and it really really really really encouraged me. That's great. Like I knew that I had a shot now. They weren't telling me those little things. So I realized I was at the wrong place. That made me automatically realize I was at the wrong place. And I got a writing job, which made me go to Higgins. And once that writing job ended, I couldn't justify going down to Higgins. I like Higgins and stuff, but there was nobody in the class in the

daytime. After the time, I go down there to talk. You know what I'm saying? So, Alberto's I loved. You know, I was with Alberto for two years. Love him still, in the mind, whatever. But once I got this little gig and I started getting a little busy, my schedule changed. And like I said, before the class started, I read one of Roy Deans. He fought John Jacques Machado to the death, didn't he? No.

He's... Not to the death. His coach Roy Harris fought. Roy Harris. That's whose article I read. Oh, okay. See, I see. Roy Harris's article.

He's in San Diego. Yeah, yeah. He's a good instructor. He's trying to. I tried to get him on the podcast. I think he watched it, heard the curse words. Yeah, he's quite a religious cat. Yeah, he's a religion.

That's what I heard. Yeah, yeah, I think he, uh... So the story with him is, uh, he, again, I don't, I can only repeat the story secondhand, but it's my understanding that he got one of the great, one of the machado's at training. He was like a purple belt or something and he got one of them in this really tricky move called a banana split, which is where you're basically twisting the guy's back. And then they kicked him out because they were pissed off. about that because it wasn't like a true jih Tzu move apparently it was kind of like more of a

almost like an illegal move and then he went and got his black belt somewhere else and then there was kind of this grudge match between him and jean jacques and um at that time jane jacques he was winning a lot of stuff i think he'd won 80cc and a whole bunch of other big tournaments and roy harris had just got his black belt and so these guys fought and jane jac won but only by two points and And apparently Roy Harris had him in a couple of very compromising positions. Obviously, Jean-Jacques managed to escape. And I thought that was a pretty cool story that he could get to that level because John Jack is, he's no joke, man.

That guy is no fucking joke. That is pretty crazy. Like, Jujitsu is one of the only things that you ever hear that with, like, hey, I lost, but I only lost by one point. Like, and that's like a good, not that it's not an accomplishment, but you think, like, oh, only winning is someone to be proud of it. be like, no, this guy's so good. I only lost by five points.

It was amazing. Well, I mean, it depends how amazing the guy you're fighting is. If he's, I mean, if you only lost by one point to a chump, you're still a chump, right? That's true. But if you only lose by a couple points to a guy like Jean-Jacques, then you can hold your head up, right? Now, why did Jiu-Too hit me so hard like that? Why did it show me all my weaknesses? And I'll tell you what else J-Jitsu did.

It made me a better comedian. No way. I'd like to hear all that's true because well it wasn't jiu jih Tzu as much as MMA the whole game of MMA I would see guys in between fights and it's always the same shit yeah you know Lee Syatt's tough but wait till he goes up against my right hand so that's all you're talking about for the rest of your life is your right hand you're not going to work on an arm bar you're not going to work on a leg kick you're not going to work on a fucking judo throw so right there it opened a open up my horizons like look how these guys are thinking they depend too much on one thing you can't depend too much on one thing yeah there's a saying you've heard the saying uh over specialization breeds weakness yes yeah that's it you know with comedy the other day we had a great conversation in here where uh dean delroy was saying for a year he forced himself to go on stage and just

improvise you know you got nothing but time you got nothing to lose improvise well you can't because that teaches you a different muscle. Then for a year you force yourself to host, even though you don't want to be a fucking host. Because hosting teaches you how to control the tempo of a comedy show, how to control the tempo. If this guy sucks, you've got to bring that audience back. Just because this guy sucks, you can't let the show go down.

Now you've got to go up there and save that joke, but you already did that joke. So, Jesus, now you've got to do a better joke. You've got to go in between eight or nine people or three or four people, So there's so many aspects to comedy and the same way there's so many aspects to Jiu-Jitsu You know the same way there's so many aspects to life to life I mean it's like everybody praises Bruce Lee I love him I love it I love what he did for me as I was growing up But if you really think about it G-cundo is what we all do at one point in our eyes

You figure out what works for you we do a complete set of fucking things you do them the same way every day and you it equals to a certain type of success. I do the same shit every day at the same fucking time. You know, that wasn't taught to me. That was, that's not who I am. I don't want to do the same shit every day at the same time. But for me to get to a level where I want to be at, this is what needs to be done. I don't give a fuck if your asshole hurts. I don't give a fuck if you suck the thousand big last night. I don't give a fuck if you back hurts. I don't give you fuck if you don't feel good. This is what needs to be done on a daily basis. And, you know, and when the the time when you get the success or whatever you're looking for what needs to be done is going

to change probably absolutely yeah absolutely no listen getting there is one thing staying there is another staying at that level in your mind you know i've realized now for me to be a sharp comic on the weekends when i work i got to get on stage a lot more than when i'm getting on stage recently i'm a little older you know i'm starting to get into that fucking nap age we need a nap from time to time you put you together you know what I'm saying but if it means going to the fourth wall during the week going to flappers you know just to get an easier spot because it's closer to my house and I have to drive over the hill to sunset boulevard and put up with all that stuff I do that you know I might as well do that and I'm going I got local spots tonight I'd rather do those I

keep myself active roy roy Dean actually Roy Harrod the guy I was speaking about earlier Roy Dean is one of his black boats too I actually was just at his house this weekend in uh in Palm Desert and he said something to me or he didn't say it to me it was in one of his books called Beyond the Black Bolt and it always stuck with me because it changed my life actually because you know I was always the guy who I thought that you know anything you wanted to be good at let's say it was jiu-jitsu business or relationships or whatever it was that you could go read the book do the work do the practice and you could earn that ability and then you've got and you can check the box okay I'm a jihitsu guy or I'm a comedy guy I'm a great lover

whatever it is right but it doesn't work like that i've realized that what what roydine said is as a man you're always paying your dues always that never stops never stop it never said that it was difficult for me to accept that because i thought it was i thought there was a finish line right like one day i'll have my shit figured out and i can chill out but it doesn't work like that you have how scary you know a lot of people a lot of young kids listen to the show young men and i love that they listen to the show because I want them to know what they're getting what nobody tells you you know the shit you got to figure out along the way this is what this show is for these guys i could look you in the fucking eye and tell you two things number one if you felt both of you

thought that the age of 21 i'd be working as hard as i'm working now you're fucking out of your mind and number two i didn't even think i'd be fucking alive right now never mind working i'm working I'm working harder today, guys, than what I did at 25. I put more hours in a week now than what I do at 25. And don't tell me about going on the road. That's a complete different set of fucking hours. I never thought I'd work this hard. Like, I never thought this is mentally, you know,

because there's a lot of mental involved. You do a lot of writing. It's a lot of mental involved. A lot of notebooks, a lot of pages. The writing alone is two hours a day. And some days don't get nothing out of those two hours. You really don't. You're just making joint, you know, unless you're writing like a book that's ready to go.

Sometimes I'm trying to write a book and fucking write a comedy routine at the same time. Because while I'm writing the book, at least I'm not doing dead air. It's not dead air. I'm not wasting my time. And sometimes I'll go back to that joke and go, ooh, maybe I'll tack it from this way. And that's what also Jiu-Jitsu is done. It's opened up my thinking avenues. It opens up your thinking patterns.

and now you write different types of jokes, you know, because in jiu-jitsu, you can't go full speed all the way. For me, at my age, I got to roll and rest for a minute. Roll, rest for a minute, and I try to do the same thing on stage now. I learned that from jiu-jitsu. And you find, like, when you take that rest, it kind of on stage, it kind of builds tension in the audience. Yes, that makes the joke break better. Yes, absolutely. All those things have, jiu-jitsu has opened up my...

eyes that it's made a way better comedian. It's fucking crazy. It's crazy. You said to me earlier, why do you think did you just caught you so, so hard? I mean, I have an answer. It might not be the right one, but I have one. You know, sitting with my friend Jake,

who runs buddovidos.com, which is a big martial arts. You know him, Budo Jake. I'm sure you've seen him before. Yeah, he interviews a lot of jitsu guys. Very cool dude. And his new thing is acro yoga. You know, Akriogah, what you do with a partner?

So basically you line your back, and then your partner will do like a handstand off your hands or something like that. So one guy is supporting and then the other person is being like held up and they're balancing. And he was teaching me some of this stuff. And we were out in the park doing it. And I said to him, man, this is this is as far from a bad lifestyle day as possible. Like we're on the other end of the spectrum. Like the crappiest thing we could be doing today is. sitting under some fluorescent lights, hunched over a computer, eating some bad food,

you know, like doing something we don't enjoy. And we're on the other side of that spectrum. And I think jitsu is also there. Like, when you go to a gym, okay, you're doing physical activity, right? It's using your body. It's using your mind. But you're also connecting with people. You're talking to people like it's camaraderie, right?

It's fellowship, something that a lot of people don't get. And it's, I think these are things that people crave, man. People crave human contact. They crave stimulation, intellectual stimulation, physical stimulation. And maybe you just got those things in a way that you weren't getting before. I don't know how I'd guess. I know for a fact that when I look at my daily schedule, if I see a lot of holes in that schedule, I will definitely go to Jiu-Tit-Too.

It will make me go to J-Jit-Tum more, even though I was going to go anyway. It would make me go more so I get human contact. So I feel like a regular person. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, because I mean, I don't know about you, but I spent a lot of time working from home alone, right, or working from a coffee shop. And after like a few hours of that, you start feeling, you get like cabin fever and you start feeling strange, like a, like the walking dead basically. And then when you connect, then you go to jih Tzu class in the evening, you connect, you see like 10 or 20 or 30 people and you work and you sweat and like your body's moving. when you leave that class, I feel human again.

Does that make sense? I usually, my old schedule was leave the house at 8, go to the coffee shop, eat breakfast, make a few calls, right, and then at 10, 10, 15, go home. First off, for your back, you can't sit there all. Yeah, it's so bad. So I give myself two hours now. That's all. That's all your back's got to sit.

That's all you got to sit. So 8.30 to 10.30, I get up, I go home. I do some other work on the computer, maybe help my wife with shit. She answers, and then I start putting my gear on. You know, and I go over there, and it's, like I said, 12 to 115, you're in and out of there. That's cool. A couple of them jumping jazz, boom, boom, boom, boom. You get the fuck out of there.

You go home, you take a shower, you write down. The first thing I do is log in my calendar that I trained, what I learned. That's cool. And how many times I rolled and how I did and what I got out of the class. You know what? today I got fucking tapped 18 times, but I'll tell you what did happen. I fucking retained my guard from Professor one time. So I don't focus on the negative.

I focus on that one positive I did because I'm going to get choked out every day if I go. But every day I do something else, I crawl underneath. I bump a guy off that's in the mount over me. I do something. So I take that one thing and I use it as a positive. That's cool. And instead of killing myself and going to class, and judging myself against what everybody else doing.

I got a plan. I'm learning the technique. I'm rolling five, three times, and I'm going home, no matter how I feel. I will do the commitment of three times so I could walk again tomorrow and come back on fucking Thursday.

Yeah, it's like, I think the gym is the same. Or any, like, thing that challenges you, often, man, often at times I've got a jihitsu class that evening or in the morning or there's a workout at lunchtime, whatever. And I don't want to do it, man.

I don't fucking want to do it. But there's one thing that always happens when I do it. And that is afterwards, I'm glad I did it every single time. No matter how much I didn't want to do it, guaranteed I come out of that workout. I'm like, yeah, I feel better. I did the same thing Saturday. Yeah. I went to a move.

I was in Columbus. Thursday I flew in. It was the red eye. I slept all day. I had worked out three days in a row anyway. I needed a recovery day anyway. So I used Thursday, Friday. I went to Ku Hopes Gym, short North Muwitai.

And Saturday, I usually, since I'm going to leave early, I took a nap, and I woke up at like two, feeling kind of shitty. I got up for breakfast, ate breakfast, went out, smoked a joint, walked around for a half hour just to burn off the breakfast. And I went upstairs and fell asleep to about 1.30. I had a piece of fish. I went back to the room, and I was like, oh, right. And finally, they were going to pick me up at 6.45. At 5. I said, fuck this.

I'm going to the gym. And I ran downstairs at the 20 under. eucalyptus, whatever, the elliptical. I did 25 minutes of lift, and I did every body part. I did sit-ups with the 8-12-pound ball. This is a gym in your house? In the hotel.

No, tell. I'm training my... One thing, listen, like I said, we all have our own personal G-cundo. Joe Rogan's a winner. And you know why? Because since I've known him, he works on the road before the shows.

Interesting. Ever since I've known, Joe. I remember him making me go to the gym one time. Like, Joe, you have to go to the gym. look at the size of you and he would be fucking jumping up and down and I'd be with a dumbbell in the corner but he goes at least you can't he didn't sit in your room and you got the thing and I never really thought about and then when I would go on the road by myself I'd walk past the gym and give it the finger fuck you fuck you yeah and now the gym is imperative on the road

both days yeah you know the there's a it's like a a common element amongst all people who are actualized and are really making their way and making their mark in the world and that is that they exercise some kind of exercise it might be jihitsu it might be yoga it might be i don't know shooting hoops a couple of times a week but like your body's made to move it's made to exercise and if you if you violate that you're going to pay the price in somewhere another whether it's your mind's going to get stale or you're going to get sick or you're going to get fat it's going to happen i got really sick i think that the sleep apnea the fat growing up on me and the fat crawled up on me in 20-pound increments.

You know, one minute I'd be 360, then I'd be 380. One minute I'm 380, the next minute I'm 400. I never forget when I found that I was 416 what I felt like that day when I got home. Yeah. And then, like, a week later, I did a commercial at a... We're Pachial trans.

Okay. Freddy Roach. We did a commercial at night. And the guy that led us in was one of Freddy's... trainers and we got to talk and he goes you know I saw you no longer shot and while I'm watching you I can tell you you can't fucking breathe so don't you want to take care of that don't you want to live and I was like what the fuck he was from Boston and he goes come to the gym every day and give me $20 and I'll train you for an hour and I would have to wear two pair underweigh because I would

pee my pants when he was training me I couldn't breathe I can imagine yeah yeah and then at the 370 mark I finally gave in and went to weight watches And what do you wait now, Joy? 283. Yeah, dude, I mean, not many people lose 140 pounds. I got to do another. I got to go down to 265 so I can fight steeped M.A.O. chicken just in case he falls out against the Angelo Corp. I'm going on the 265 is my goal.

There's no reason why I should wait 200 more than 65. Fair enough. At 265, I'll see where I am. But I will tell you this. When I started going over and training with Brett, the second day. the second day he said something to me that struck a chord I said something he goes you know what's crazy I could feel weight on me

now that I've been doing jiu jitsu for 20 years you feel weight on you by the by the way you row I go what do you mean he goes I could tell when I go home and eat with my family I could feel the 10 pounds when I row it's a big difference yeah 100% there's something these 20 whatever pounds I lost big difference in my rolling.

And it's only going to get better. The next 20 is going to be better. Oh, my God. Now I could roll, like I said, three, five minute. Legit rounds. I can't barramolo. I don't want you to throw me.

I don't want to throw you, Professor. I'm only going to throw you for. What's still you're going to either poor guard or I'll fucking pull guard. Make up your fucking mind. I do something. Don't just fucking lay that.

Let me give some shoutouts real quick here. Let's see what the fuck is crack a leckin. My girl, Lisa Tizio, my friend of 50 fucking years, happy birthday. Billy Farley, Kyle Wallace, Joe Cessori, Uncle Donnie, my fucking main man down in Miami, Lorenzo Toledo, Megan O'Brien, Mike AX-227, John R. Star, and Dunique Net. You know, I love you, cocksuckers. Don't forget next weekend, we're at the Tempe motherfucking improv,

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Then I'm in Providence, Rhode Island on the 17, which is sold out, so don't even bother. And then we're at the fucking stress factory, the 18th and 19th in New New Jersey and shit. But besides that, so you just launched something that

is fucking revolutionary. I got a good chance to look at it on the plane because I downloaded it to my laptop, like the little fucking, what did my wife buy me? an iPad? The iPad, because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, so my wife got me an iPad. I went on your...

The Master Academy. Fucking tremendous. I'm so happy. I'll tell you what was really interesting about it. The critique. The rolling analysis? The rolling analysis. How long did you come up with this concept for?

That's why I called you. There's a lot of well-known names in Jiu-Jitsu, but in my book, you are the true Kung Fu. pool of jujitsu you spread the world you have a great smile a great voice you're very soothing you really spread the love side of

jiu jitzo people don't understand I mean any of the thing the other thing I downloaded the book you sent me and that was beyond the blackouts that was great that was great the one that you give me a shout out for there's a thousand scams on the internet

yeah yeah yeah yeah you got which they really are yeah because you talked about friends of yours that you had met and stuff like that but tell me more about this master online academy like tell people break it down like what are the true advantages i mean i saw it with the analysis that's what i really like you know i always love your technique you always offer a new exercise i mean you're like a fucking you just spread my i appreciate joy man you know like look i've never i've taught it a few jititsu academies but i've

never owned my own academy and that's generally the path like for someone who makes jihitsu their career is they either become an MMA fighter or they own a gym or they do both, right? That's the path. But for me, I'm the kind of person. I don't want to do anything like half measures. I've always been, if I'm going to do something, I want to give it my full focus and attention. And when I arrived here in the United States, I was considering opening a gym, but something was holding me back because, you know, I travel a lot.

I go to teach seminars in different parts of the world. and if you travel a lot, you can't focus on an academy because you're not there all the time. And I just had the feeling I wouldn't be able to give that academy as much attention as I should. And I'd have these students who I'd see for a week and then I'd be away for two weeks and then I'd come back and see them again. And I'd never be able to give like full commitment. So what I thought is like, you know, the best way around this is to have an online academy because then I can put my full focus and it's open all the time and I can do it from the road and I can film and add stuff to it all the time and yeah that's what I've done and I just try to pour everything of my understanding of

jih Tjitsu and the way I approach my jih Trey training and the way I teach into that and I guess it's the best way I can describe it which you're just phenomenal I mean I watch you you know you tape some seminars and I watch little things that you do and it's weird because I've watched other videos and there's a lot of information on the internet about You can become a fucking black belt now online with a little dummy next to you. Yeah. Moos and shit. Like a real little dummy is what I'm saying.

But you teach the little things. For some reason, when I first started the first year, I would look at your little, whenever I would learn a move in class, I would look to see if you taught it. And I would learn to see the techniques that they left out. You know, it's in jujitsu, in the first two or two academies I went to, it was like an Italian mother. was like an Italian mother giving you a recipe. They always leave something out for you to figure it on your own. You know what I'm saying? And then once you figure it out, you're like, ah.

And that's what jujitsu is. Jiu Jitsu is an art like stand-up comedy because not everybody's going to do an arm bar the same way. Lee does the style of jokes, and I do a style of jokes. It's our world. Your Jiu-Jit's like I said to you, I have a plan now. It's either a collar choke, a scissors suite or an arm bar. And once that plan gets aboard, it starts all along. over again and that plan also throws you off because I'm always attacking off my back

I'm always attacking you I'm always attacking it's tough for you to pass if I'm constantly attacking you I'm breathing I'm focused I got my neck up off this you know I'm doing all these things if I thank you jitsu just for the breathing aspect of what's happened I got so serious about I got the boss root and mouthpiece no shit and I got that and I got the boss root and mouthpiece and I did it and I said fuck this this works so I said let me take this let me do let me do let me do Let me, he did it something different. I went on YouTube and saw a black dude

throwing sidekicks for Jesus with the mouthpiece on. I said, fuck this. I'm going to take the mouthpiece and start going for walks. Oh my God. Oh, shit. The first half hour, you feel like you're going to pass out. Yeah. First two minutes.

You're like, I'm going to go down any minutes. Like somebody's choking you little by little. But I kept saying to myself, breathe it out, Joey. Breathe it out, breathe it out. And I started doing that. And that alone, I mean, when you do that shit, for a half hour, you just bring the mouthpiece almost like you do the thousand set up.

I mean, I've really put work into my jiu-jitsu game, but it's not my jiu-jitsu game. I put work into my game, like my own life game. 100%. It hasn't been for jihitsu. That's why I'm saying I benefited so much

from walking into that academy. Yeah, but you know, like one of the things I'm very fond of discussing with people is, okay, jiu-jitsu, look, it's grappling, right? It's trying to strangle the other guy, right? But you know how there are these better ways of strangling people, and there's better ways of doing arm bars,

and there's better ways of doing sweeps, and that's what Jiu-Stu is. It's trying to find those best, most efficient ways. And I think that life is so much like that, man. You, in everything in life, there are better, there's average ways, and there's better ways of doing it, whatever, whether it's talking to someone or doing a business deal or eating a meal, whatever it is, there's better ways to do things.

And I'm always looking for those better ways, not just in jiu-sutsu, but in everything. And I think that's a healthy mindset to have, right? Like life is jih Tijuana. You know, you're trying to jiu-suitzu life, right? You're trying to do it as best you can. But at least that's my theory, right? It's like I said before. We all have a jikundo that works for you.

My jikundo, a little bit has been taken from you, a little bit that has been taken from Rogan. I learned a lot from Ralphie Mae as a comic. And then I learned from Richard Pryor's mistakes. You know, I've learned from Kennison's mistakes. I've learned from Dice's mistakes, just being a spectator to them. You know, how I'm supposed to act in comedy and stuff like that. And you put it all together and it comes up with a recipe and that's who you are. You know, I could admit this to anybody.

I'm just 10 people rolled up into one. people that I got to meet that I thought they did something that was successful and I was going to take that element from their lives and that's what I do I look at podcasts who are the best podcasters I see what they're doing and I do exactly what they're

doing only with my flavor that's the G-Cundo you know I'm still doing this podcast how I want to do it what was Bruce Lee saying I think absorb what is useful reject what is useless absolutely absolutely yeah

why are you looking at what number 30 doing look at what number one is doing yeah and don't steal his move steal what he's thinking steal the concept of what he's thinking to make him that good it's not that he practices better than you it's not that he's stronger than you not that that he's younger than you he did something to get there watch what he's doing and that'll get you there add your flavor what you bring to the table and together you'll get there to whatever point you think successes whatever your successes you know and always give credit as

always always yeah always man I've emulated from dr. Jay you know my style of comedy is dr. J I'm taking it to the fucking hoop Jack I ain't got time to dig around and tell you a fucking fickle story let's go cuck sucker you know so Dr. J's you know Leonard Skinner you're like Joey what the fuck does Leonard Skinner teach you when it's gonna teach me to go out there and overpower the audience with my whatever I'm thinking I don't you a fuck what you're thinking dog this is what I'm thinking for you to win an audience and so of it. That's your attitude.

Once you, like the other night, we were doing an open mic, Lee and I, and some great little Arab kid went up on stage, and he asked if this word was offensive. I thought that was the biggest mistake of comic could ever do. Are you allowed to say which word that was? What was it? Do you want to say it?

Yeah. He said it is the gay man's anus offensive. And he didn't even say, I think it was just, I think that was a joke. It was a joke, but he still asked. you never ask you never ask permission to do your art it's your art yeah that's funny enough

it's it reminds me of another saying I think it's from that book by Tim Ferriss the guy wrote the four hour work week and he said I hope I get this right he said you ask permission later act first

and ask permission afterwards yeah yeah which I think is cool a lot of people we're trained as like in Western society like in school you're trained to like follow the rules and not like deviate from the path right but the people who make it the furthest than live the most exciting lives they don't necessarily break the rules but they definitely bend them you bend them yeah you have to bend them a little bit yeah i didn't like when

i came you know and i was a young man i didn't i bought it i bought it for a while i bought the the white fence with the house and marrying your high school sweetheart and doing all that shit and you see American dream is an American grave. The American dream is truly an American grave. If the American dream is buying a house and working 50 hours a week until you die, until you get a gold watch when you're 65, hopefully, that's a dead dream. I think the American dream is coming here and giving yourself no limitations. You know, I told Lee the other day, somebody who was on the show,

when I became a car salesman, it was the best thing I ever did because it taught me that you don't need to have a ceiling on your income. You know what? Go for it, bitch. Go for it. Some months you make $2,000, some months you make $800, but there's some months you're going to make $10,000. You're not going to know until you try. You could keep sitting this fucking job or you can go for it.

And life generally, there's a saying I love, which is nature loves courage, right? Yeah, it does. Nature loves courage. like and that you know i've seen that the people who everyone's story is the same everyone who makes it their story is the same there was a point where there was no one helping them and it came the situation was dire and it came down to them they had to take courageous action no one could do it for them and you can't fake it you know they had to fucking make that leap whether it's moved somewhere

or take some job they were terrified of or they had to do that on their own and uh i find that fascinating. You know, it's so weird how people think you could just pay John Jack Machado for a hundred an hour. I'll do that 10 weeks now, become a jih Tzu master. They don't see the true essence of it is that going, it's going to a class, I'm going to a couple classes a week. I think the new society expects gratification too quickly. You know, I didn't even see any form of comedy success really for seven years. You know what it is to do something for seven or eight years and see nothing, known that you're just to fucking Ammonagger.

It wasn't until Mitzie Shaw, rest and soul, made me a regular that I'd go, well, maybe there is something to this. It's like becoming a purple belt in jujitsu when you aren't really a purple belt, you know, and then you become a purple belt. Yeah. Like when I got into the comedy store, I wasn't a good comedian, but it forced me to become a good comedian quickly because if not, I was going to go away and not get another shot. So I had to go back to basics.

one of the basics, closed guards, arm bar, scissors, sweep. I was listening to an interesting audio book yesterday, and this guy was telling the story of this guy who ran his business, who had a business, and it wasn't doing well. And he hated it, and he said every day you'd get to his offices, and he'd say to himself, I'd just have to open the door. I'd just have to put the key in the door and open it. That's all I have to do today.

and eventually like the business turned around and he became a successful guy but he says he sometimes reminisces on that and realizes how how many times he came so close to just not opening that door and just saying I'm done and he's just so happy he pushed through and fuck man everyone who makes it has days like that everyone every single person who's made it I'm sure has many days where they're like I just I don't want to do this anymore I want to give up right it's not worth it or it's not working and it's having that like courage to push through I think which is really important I remember I went to my knee doctor when I was in jiu-jitsu like a year and I was really struggling I didn't know what was going on I would just go to jiu-suit to die basically

went to the knee doctor and he goes listen quit that shit he goes for some reason I've been getting people coming in here with broken fucking ankles and shit from that jiu-jitsu shit the last fucking two years really to create why do fucking people do that type of shit quit that shit. I remember driving home going he's right who the fuck am I to think but I could do that type of stuff I'm fucking quitting I'm like I remember driving home and going

fuck him I'm not fucking quitting you're doing some seminars this week I'm indeed at your guy tomorrow I'm subconscious over on Lancasham and North Hollywood great place 730 start and what's the name of it called this seminar

efficiency beyond technique Beyond Technique seminar tour. Okay. And then where are you Saturday? You're somewhere. Phoenix at Black Flag Digitoo. Okay. And that's your new home?

Tucson is my new home. Tucson. Yeah. That's where my kidnappy is. Yeah, he's off. Gennapie. That's what the kidnapie is. Send him to train with me.

He's coming to the show on Tempe. He's coming Friday night, which is going to be interesting. Yeah. If Kenton Vela shows up to Tempe on Friday night, when you're there, I'm going to put him on stage and tell him to say his side of the story. From his perspective of getting kidnapped. and the whole fucking deal. It's kind of crazy,

but it happened and I can't change around. My wife and I are going to come to your show on Saturday and Tempe as well. I will leave you tickets at the door. Thank you, Professor, I'm happy to see you. Me as well. Thank you for doing what you do.

Thank you so much. You know, I don't know what it costs for the marketing when you do or whatever it is a month. Whatever it is, it's more than worth it. Why? Because this guy loves Jiu-Jitsu. Like I said,

he is the true Kung Fu of Jiu-Jitsu. and I love you to death. Thanks so much for doing your videos. Thanks for having me. Thank you for all the content. Thank you for the emails. I mean, you really stay on it. Sometimes you're like, I don't want to go to Jiji today,

and also you look at your emails and there's an email from you, talking about a friend of yours. Plus, you have a great podcast. You know, this week you have the guy on. Oh, he's great? He's fucking great. John Heinz? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I haven't listened to it yet, but I heard his name before. You have a great podcast. I mean, you dedicate your life to this. and I was thinking about you and I want you to tell people the truth when you commit to what you love does the universe not take care of you when you go to Thailand

you told me a story once about Thailand there's something I'm like tell these motherfuckers if the universe doesn't take care of you it's that guy who hosted the guy who hosted that the Miss World and he kind of got it wrong I forget his name

Steve Harvey Steve Harvey like he's got an interesting clip on YouTube and he said it's like you've got this parachute on your back right which is the universe of support but the only way you're going to know if that parachute works is if you jump out the plane it's if you take that courageous step

it's the only way to tell and you have to do that there's no one else who can do it for you so I would say yes the universe does step up to support you if somebody wants to join up for the master online what do they do just head on over to jihistu master academy.com and everything is there playing it simple if they use coupon code podcast they can get 10% off

I'm going to wear my Jiu-Jitsu Brotherhood. Oh, yeah, yeah. Fucking Rashko. But when we said that to you, it was a white belt one, and then you got your blue, by the time it arrived, you had your blue belt. You got to send you another one. I don't care. I'm just happy that I still represent it.

That's cool. I'm happy you've made time for us. Thank you. I'm looking forward to the seminar at Monite, 730 over here in NoHo at Subconscious, BJJ. Give them a call right now. I'm sure they're there and make reservations. It's a big place, but it's a small place. You know how you know this.

So make your reservations and get your shit together. Thank you again, Professor. Thanks so much, coming on again. Jewish Lightning. You know, I love your cock suck. Everything all right in your world? Everything's beautiful. Let's get over this fucking faggy bronchia and this shit.

Again, if you're looking for a great ghee, Fuji Sports.com, I love Fuji. If you're a big guy, they got you covered. You know, I went from an A6 to an A5. Now I got to go to an A4 and then hopefully at A3. But they're tough. Why? Because I was always on top and I'd be pulled on, yanked on, fucking tried to arm drag and guess what, bitches, they could never rip the ghee.

That's why I believe in the Superado ghee. So go to Fuji Sports.com right now and press in. Church. Bam! And get 10% off delivered to your house, but she's supporting the podcast. Also, to my favorite supplement company out there who takes care of me, always, audit.com. If it's not the Shroom Tech Sport, it's the Shroom Tech Immune.

I fly a lot. The immune, you don't see me fucking cough. And the Shroom Tech Sport, I take a half a fucking little cat. Capsule. Excuse me, and I'm jumping up and down like a Mexican fucking bean. You know what I'm saying? So go to honor.com right now and press in. Church? Another one. Get 10% off delivered right to your house. I want to thank Professor Nick Gargriatus and my main Christ killer, Lee Syatt.

And I want to thank you guys for listening. I'll see you motherfuckers nice and early Monday morning. Don't forget, bishops, Tempe, Arizona, Sinkas Demias, the Cuban in Mexicanville, throwing it down. I love you, cocksucker. Stay black. Have a great weekend and I'll see you guys next week. Love you, motherfuckers.