The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #583 - Steve Simeone

Episode Date: May 8, 2018

Steve Simeone, a comedian and writer, seen on Comedy Central's "Stand Up Revolution" and heard as the host of the "Good Times With: Steve Simeone" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.     Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.    Recorded on 05/08/2018.

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Kick that mulee. I want my speakers on fire. Fuck I'm in the ass. Every day, cock sucks and it's the church of what's happened now, baby. What's happened? It's a beautiful day to be alive. I got the flying Jew, aka Christ killer number one. And I got my main man, Steve D. Simone.

It's fucking confessional Wednesday. I don't think Steve wants to sit next to me anymore with the name Christ killer. He's all right. You're adorable. He lets it go. All right, thank you. I love you. There's nothing like that.

Speaking of it's crazy. I was telling Lee last night that I went to Tempe this weekend. Okay. And it's, because you're like, listen, as a comic, we're whores. You're a fucking whore. There comes a time around the fourth year that you just want to do everything. Yeah. That's what it needs to do to make it happen.

But then you have to tighten up your seatbelt at some point in your career and stop being a whore. And that's when things start happening for us. And for me, it started by taking advice from others. You know, I would listen to a Joe Rogan had to say to me if Ari had a plug and a joke, you know, I trust Ari. You know what I'm saying? If I had a problem with something, a gig or something, you have to let your ego down. Yes. A lot of times.

And I've known you since the beginning. I mean, we were opening up for Dice 99. I think you were the first person to put me on stage at the Comedy Store Open Mic in 2000. Yeah, that would be. September 2000, October 2000. It's crazy how this has been. a journey for the both of us and when i see you you know you're from philly yeah you're catholic yeah you've never seen the exorcist i mean you take you not seriously yeah you run charities i mean there's so

many good things you do so when i'm around you makes me feel better like that you're one of the guys i went to martial arts with when i was up to 16 years old you were decent kids didn't really curse they did not drink they did not smoke pot i found them entertaining and i enjoyed them yeah but they didn't want to go get pussy like they wanted to Yeah, we were geeks. You know, we were karate geeks. Yep. And at that point, you want to go, you want a finger feet.

You want us in a black Sabbath, drop-ass. So I had two sets of friends for a while. I was trying to play two sides of the fence. And the karate guys didn't know about my crazy friends, and my crazy friends didn't know about my karate friends. And then I had to make a decision one day. Yeah. And I went with the crazy people because the karate guys.

And I loved them daily. Right. They weren't as much fun. They weren't as much fun. They wanted to save their money and go to Honduck in New York and look at that fucking geese. and elbow equipment and rubber pads for your heads

so you can beat each other up. But it's so weird how whenever I see you, like I can talk to you and I know you can give me a straight answer. You know, everybody in this town blows smoke up your ass. And that's what happens to people. Lee and I were talking about a comic we saw that that's just damaged

from what this town did to him. It's easy to happen. That can happen very easily. Because, you know, it's so weird. Remember when you used to open up for Pauli for a long time. Did you ever have a night when people come up to you and say, you know what? We're so happy. You were here.

You were so much funnier than Pauli. Yeah. But then you see them go over to Paulie and go, Paulie, you're so great. We love him. You're like, look at fucking people. Yes. They're so fucking wormy. You know what I'm saying?

I think that's part, that was part of Mitzie's logic to make us work the door so we could get an appreciation for what that audience was. You get to see people who they really are. And so you would have that planet in the back of your head. Like, are you going to change who you are to? please these people because that was one thing I remember once I did a joke in front of her and she just goes

you're better than that it's all she said and I was like well she goes I don't want to see it again you're better than that I remember it's weird when you do a fucked up joke and it kills a room and you feel it and you feel like an asshole but this weekend I went to Tempe and this has been I don't know

I mean we've been doing the podcast how long now five years six years So maybe the second, the year and a half, we had the guy kidnapped, call in. How great, how great a sentence is that? I love it when you call him your kidnappy. The kidnappy. I had him call in, and I apologize to him. And I sincerely meant it from my heart.

You know what I'm saying? I really meant it from my heart. It's crazy as it sounds, guys. There's a couple calls I got to make. This Saturday night I had like a nervous breakdown in my hotel room about a different situation in my life. I have to take care of. Okay. You know, I have like three of those loose strings that I really have to take care of.

Forget my daughter. That's never going to happen. But I got to open up the line of communication with my sister again. The phone call with my sister is a tough phone call. She feels cheated. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. She lost her mother.

Her mother left her there, so there's a void in her heart. There's just a bunch of issues when I talk to her. And it takes me three days to get over. Like when I hang up the phone, I got to have two martinis. I don't even drink fucking martinis. I'm saying so yeah this family I grew up with in Jersey I gotta call them soon it's starting to eat away at me you know I'm a old school Catholic I feel guilty whatever yeah and I want to make amends you know it's very lucky they came into my life so I've kept in touch

with this kid and the kidnapie and I keep talking to him you know and I call him and I ask him how his mother's doing because that's why he moved to Tucson yeah and we talk you know once a month, whatever. So this time we talked up to the point where he was coming to the show. Wow. You know, and then Thursday he was coming, and I didn't hear from him. Friday he called me. I was at kickboxing. I called him back. And he goes, my mother's been in the hospital. Oh, Jesus. So I don't know if I can make it tonight, but I'll definitely see you for dinner tomorrow and I

never heard from him all day. Okay. And I didn't remember until in between the two shows. Yeah. And I got to tell you something. I went back to my hotel room. I was kind of depressed. Like I was really sad about it. And I said, I go, wait a second.

Why would he want to come see me? Yeah. I fucking kidnapped him and put him in a trunk of the car for eight hours. That guy, he probably had to go to therapy for eight years because of what I did to him.

Why would he want to see me? Yeah. You know what the fuck do I think I am? That this guy's going to just pop up here and be my friend. Like he even said, let's go to dinner. Let's catch up.

But I got to guarantee that before he gets in his car, he's like, one of my fucking crazy. This is the guy that put me in a fucking car and then put me in the hands with some other guy who, thank God, he was driving without his headlights on. And he got caught. This shit fucking bothers me, you know? Yeah. But then I came to terms. I go, what do I expect out of life? That people are just going to forgive you.

That's bullshit that they just spew in the Bible, that you, that people are really, really, really going to forgive you. It's kind of weird. You can't, the way I look at it is, for me personally, my job is to forgive. That doesn't mean I expect it from other people. Does that make sense? Like, I think you're doing everything right with that situation, because you're even being compassionate enough to think about things from his point of view. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. That it's got to be painful for him and fear involved there. But the simple fact. that you created this relationship is a miracle to me to begin with you know what i mean and maybe there could be that legitimate healing that legitimate like no but that that's the secret to life you know what i turn the tables around i thought to myself wait a second if somebody put if i had two kilos of coke yes and i invited you to my house and you rob me what i want to see you not fucking really like i actually said that to myself started laughing my ass off right in the morning and then i fell asleep right

By the way, that's why I fell asleep on the plane the other day because I was fucking tired. I didn't sleep that night. This was going through my head. I was sleeping at the airport and out of the corner of my eye. I'm like, that looks like skinny Uncle Joey. You must have lost 20 pounds since the last time I saw you. Yeah, yeah. It was incredible.

It was so much fun. That's my favorite thing about being a comedian and senior friends. Yes. The airport is the greatest. Yeah. And it's funny when you go through certain gates, people go, you just miss Felipe. Yeah. You just miss Diahuegel.

just miss Carlos man it's fucking crazy it's crazy on Thursday mornings it's five I'll be sitting there sometimes and I would just be like I'll get there early eat breakfast like a 6 a a.m. flight 7 a.m. flight yeah I'll get there like I'll get there like I'll get there way before six me too and I get there like just get two eggs so they sign up I set that little Mexican kind of joint like a doctor I'm saying water I take my blood pressure medication I eat my edible yeah Mexican lady knows me already because I sit at the bar There's no drama. Yep.

People have to wait on the line. You have to wait for a table. Go to the fucking bar. You're there by yourself. Who goes to fuck? Yep. I'm there in the corner. It's not like Pete.

It's on the right hand side. Yeah, I know that's fun. And I sit there sometimes. And I'll see, you know, George Lopez walked by. Then D.L. Hugh Lee. The one day I saw Eddie Griffin, and it was great. It was great. Wow.

I haven't seen him in years. Years. Like, you just see a lot of fucking people. But back to this fucking forgiveness. Yeah, it's everything. It's crazy. Years ago, I fucking, it was a misunderstanding, and I still feel guilty about it this day

because she went through surgery over it. Okay. When we were kids, we were riding bikes, and this girl was riding, took one of my bikes, and we were living on Charles Court. I lived on giving out terrorists, but they lived on Charles Court, and the girl took my bike,

that was a bike thief that lived next door to me, And he would steal bikes, but he would mix the bike parts together. Yeah, it was like a chop shop for BMX bikes. He was chopped shop for anything. Yeah. The guy was just brilliant. How old was he? He was my age, but he was very much of a nerd.

He had glasses. He's a dentist today, and he won't return my calls. I've called him a bunch of times. Another guy that I put him in the fucking mill. Yeah, but you're doing everything you can do. Does that make sense? I thought he would call back because fuck, But then I thought about him.

I mean, he's another guy. I gave him a bike one day. We used to be bike guys. Yep. I always grew up a bike. I loved everything about bikes until I got the lawnmower bike. Oh, you put the lawnmire engine on the bike, a little mini bike. Yeah, yeah.

I had that one. I had the fucking, the Honda mini trail. I had the XL 75, then the 80. Wow. Then I got an Xcel 125. Then I bought a Kawasaki 175. Then I had the accident. And then no more motorcycles or bicycles in my life.

the end of it but until that time I was a big bike guy and this guy and Michael Clemens who his family had fleas. You know those people that the whole family's got lice? Yeah. So it was by the special shampoo. They all had crew

cuts and nobody ate the sister's pussy and she was hot than fuck. The sister was harder than fuck and she lived he was a bike dude that was sober like a great kid Mike was a great, great, great kid growing up. He would come out of, like, if you were a little kid, he would come over and fix your bike for you.

He wasn't gay and nothing. He was just a great guy. We were about the same age. And in between us lived Valentine. And Valentine was the bike kid. Okay. That's the guy that's the dentist now. He would jerk off over bicycles.

Like, I had never seen anything like that. Like, if we would walk to the Spick Store, in those days, there were two stores, the Spick Store and the Chink Store. right the spixthal was herman and his wife Herman was his name that's the best first name ever Herman sounds like it was a Jew and he was and he was friends with my ding and marikong Martin the fag oh my that was his brother that was Herman's brother and Herman didn't claim him because he was gay so he wouldn't so why is this a TV show my mother called this is a TV show my mother

was friends with Martin because he was a drug dealer and he lived under the garcillas which I was friends with like I grew up with the Garcia girls the one Garcia girl would forge my report card when I got left back she's the one that would make copies of my report card switch to grades switch to grade number God she was brilliant she was already doing IDs when she was in high school 16 I'm not gonna say her name she was fucking doing IDs for people she was that good of a fucking counterfeit us with wide out and printers and a the jewelers loop printer yeah you have no idea what about that like the report card

freaks me. So what? She would change you to like an A's, straight A's, Bs, B, minus. You know, no, realistically. And then attendance. What's she doing now? Is she in that business? No, no, no.

She's a married chick that was married. She came to one of my shows in Jersey years ago, and I have a phone. I check in with every six months. That's cool. She married. She married a great, great friend of mine who went to medical school for, like, 32 years. Wow. Like, his family had so much money.

Yeah. His father was a doctor, and his father was a doctor. Okay. And they were famous Cuban doctors in the city. Okay. And these kids went to like, the Dominican Republic to be doctors, and they just stayed down there. Just had fun. Like, just had partied with the money.

I mean, when we were kids, he would just go upstairs and take money out of a box. Since I was a kid, in his mother's room, there was a silver box in the thing with a combination on it. And they had the combination, and they would just go up and take whatever they. they needed. Wow. We would go into the city, we'd go into Hoboken and eat on Fort Street. We would go to Hoboken. When I was like seventh and eighth grade, this guy's name was Lefty. And he would pick me up in his car. Wait, how old were you? Seventh, eighth grade. And he probably was a junior in high school. Okay. And he had a car ready.

And he hung out with this dude, Sergio. I mean, they were just a crew of characters. Yeah. But Lefty knew every cool we'd spend. spot in the city like when I was in the eighth grade that summer yeah eighth the freshman year he had a basketball court in his backyard and I pretty much that's awesome you want to come like when you wanted to fucking play ball against the top ballers you went to lefty's backyard that was happening like every day like every day like four o'clock people and at that time there were two all-Americans from hoboken new jersey juice and his buddy charlie or something which charlie was juice and there was another one they end up going to Boston College wow big east big east and they

would take a bus to come play this court at lefties and this guy could they a Hoboken led the county and slam dunks that year when he was a junior when both of them were juniors they led the county and slam dunks oh that's it was like it was nothing better than the high school's oh the roof would blow off a gym and here's the crazy thing that in high school this team was tired like one of like it was like them and sacred St. Anthony's from Jersey City. St. Anthony's was even established then. Oh, yes.

Was Hurley's dad to coach that? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And they had a kid named Rich Weinert, who was my idol. He was 6'4-7. He ended up going to South Carolina to a Gamecox. Wow. And that guy, when I first went to Superstar Basketball Camp,

which was Hurley's basketball camp. I was in Hurley's basketball camp the week eldest died. Oh, my gosh. That same week, I still remember reading the paper like that Wednesday. I would take the number one bus from, North Bergen to Journal Square and walked past Hudson Catholic where Michael Corrin and Jim Spinnarko went. I've discussed this at that. Now at this time, these two motherfuckers from Hudson Catholic were playing both in the ACC,

which at that time was fucking. Wow. So Michael Corrin was starting at North Carolina as a freshman. Wow. White dude, 6'7, Jersey City Boy, and on the other side of Duke, his teammate was at Duke, Jim Spanarkle. Wow. But not really for basketball.

He got a scholarship for his fucking coconut. Wow. Jim Spanarkin's still on TV. Yeah, we discussed this shit a long time ago. I don't think it was with you. It's something else. So Sacred Heart, it was Hudson County, Sacred Heart, and North Bergen and Hoboken. And then you had East Orange, who everybody from Louisville at the time would go from East

Arins to Louisville. They would call it the Louisville connection. Gotcha. That guy would just recruit East Arins, all those black names. in there yeah and they were fucking fired I remember they went up against the team that went up against Houston with five slamma jammer yes and Louisville that year yes for the starters were from Jersey wow like that they called it the New Jersey connection Louisville and shit but anyway back to lefty yep lefty when I was growing up would

take me into like that's the first person who ever took me into this like I was buying weed in town yep he would go don't buy this shit come on let's go into the city and I was a Catholic. I was a devote Catholic. This is when I first started losing. This was the first time I ever really lost faith in Catholicism for the first time.

He took me to a church in the village. He goes, come on, get out. Let's go buy some weed. And I go, where are we going? And we went to the basement of the church. In the basement of the church, it was a bingo room. And there was a guy down there with all types of weed, like green weed brown weed and in 1978 he used to sell this shit

that was like a brick and he would it was like weed packaged and dipped in hash oil that's how ahead of the game this guy was plus he sold bars of hash and I'll never forget going downstairs and paying for the reefer in the hash and looking up and the

priest was in the corner the priest was letting this guy sell weed and the kids as a as a way to get money and I was like That's when I first saw things for what they, you know what I'm saying? Like I came from a fucked up world. Yeah.

But now I'm downstairs in a fucking church buying weed. And you're a kid. You're 13. I'm 13. And I was like, wow, the world is fucking real. I'm like, this is fucking crazy. And I didn't know nothing about pedophilia or nothing like that in those days. I wasn't hipped on that shit about priest.

I didn't know nothing about that. I never heard nothing. Yeah. If anybody was a pedophile, it was me or something. I don't fucking know. You know what I'm saying? I don't fucking know. Yeah.

But... Then you were talking about the bike guy, how you torture him. No, but I was trying to think how come he never returned Michael. Yeah. And him and I were like Goombas like here. Because I knew he had that twitch for stealing. And everybody thought he was just a nerd. Okay, the bike kid was...

He liked stealing bikes. And then he would bring him home and he would cut him apart and he would see what Michael Clemens needed. And Michael Clemens would see what he needed. But Michael didn't even know he was. stealing the bikes. Gotcha. So then he would take the frames, sawdust the fucking thing. The serial number off.

The serial number? Yeah. He would put a tag over it with a new cereal. I mean, he was tagging in the seventh grade already. And his bicycle, the choice was the one from Wonderrama, the Apollo or whatever, the one with the handlebars. Like a chopper kind of? Yeah, like a chopper with a fucking sissy bar in the back.

Yeah, yeah. The banana. He stole all those. He would steal one a day. people be chasing the water and he got caught a couple times and beat up he would go in the neighborhoods cut the fence jump the fence take the bike

and 10 kids were chasing down the sophisticated operation he was a fucking savage this kid and then he would take the bikes bring him back to his house and switch the body parts colors tires so it was a complete different looking bike

and then he would sell it to one of us or keep it from himself he must have had 15 fucking bikes in his backyard And he lived upstairs. He was a tenant to the Ortiz's. They were Jehovah Witnesses. We used to torture them, too.

We used to call him up on the phone and say, that deal, they all lie. And they got on them and shit. I really want to see the TV show where instead of the, it's your version of the Wonder Years. Just in that neighborhood would be the greatest thing on TV. So he was a great kid, never really got high, and he was raised by a mom. The people across the street, I always say that people, next door to me and I'm lying. This is weird because the other, I was thinking about this.

I was thinking about women and what's going on with women now. Yeah. And I was thinking about when I had T.J. English on the show. And when I was on the Rogan show and I was talking about that guy Thati that I knew. Yeah. At that time in American period, in the 70s, I really hate to say this the way I'm about to say this, but I have to say this just so people are aware. You would see women with black eyes.

from time to time you would see women with fat lips you heard domestic violence and you just walked by in the 70s domestic violence was still a little fucking secret and it wasn't accepted in my house like my mother broke that fucking thing over one's head and that was it but the thing I saw one Christmas like I got in trouble one time for domestic violence and it really bothered me this This was when I was the fucking kiss of debt in 95. I was around somebody who had bad energy. And I kept getting in trouble with her.

One time I ended up getting domestic violence. I remember how much it bothered me. It bothered me because of the event I saw on that block when I was on the seventh grade. There was a couple who lived across the street. And one night we had to let the woman in our house. And the beating her husband had put on her. I have not even seen a boxer look that bad. Like the cops would have put this guy in jail for 20 years

when he did this chick. He burned her with cigarettes. He busted her head open. Jesus. He fucking cut her. He punched her. Her lip, her teeth were missing. My mother had to threaten the guy with a gun.

They wrapped her up. They put ice on her. She didn't want to go to the hospital. She had a fucking side was purple. He was kicking her. And I remember talking about that dude Tati from the corporation, his wife, Nina, he would throw ferocious beatings on it.

It was part of the lifestyle that you beat your fucking wife. Like, that is fucking absurd to me. That machismo part of it, of smacking a woman in the mouth or something like that, that's fucking crazy to me. But it was something that was a little hidden secret in America. Irish dads, you know, they were just pounding on fucking kids.

I know. I know a family with a little bit of them. dad was pounding on my kid i knew a family where the son was pounding on the dad jesus i grew up with a fucking kid who used to beat his dad up with his cane my god i got to tell you something was pretty funny he would take the cane from this beat him with it fuck you give me the car kids fuck you i won't do what you tell me i won't do it you i won't do it tell me rage against a machine you tell me oh man and you want me to tell me and you want me to tell me to tell me and you want me to tell I can call me about five years ago.

The big daddy came. The guy who was beating his dad. And he called me, and I think he remembered I had seen it a couple times. Yeah. And he called me and he goes, I've been looking for your number for a while. My mom still says you all money, but he goes, I want to call you because my dad died. And I miss him a lot. And now I know what you were going through at that age.

And I can't even imagine how tough you were for going through it. Yeah. And when I got off the phone, I remember that he beat his dad up in front of him. I'm talking with a cane. A couple times he beat him up with a fucking game. So crazy. I remember the first time I saw one of my friends' dads hit, like, not even hit, compared to what you're talking about, there's nothing. Just like a little smack in the back of the head.

But I was, let my parents see you. My parents would yell, but they wouldn't do, like, I never got more than spanked. I don't think. Maybe smacked once or twice. Were you? Yeah. But I remember seeing a kid get hit. And it like it shocked me.

No, I don't mind seeing a kid. Oh, I've seen kids get hit by their parents. Oh, oh, Jesus. I lived in the neighborhood where I saw people get fucking. Oh, yeah, belts. Oh, my God. Chased out. My mom chased me one time with a fucking stick.

And she chased me, and I may believe she wasn't my mom at the pool. We were at, I was at Carmine Balzano's house in the pool. My mother told me to make the bed. And I'm like, I'm not making. I'm gonna fucking bed. I'm out here enjoying myself. If I fucking gotta go back to bed and she would go, well, you're gonna take a shit?

Why are we gonna wipe your ass for? If you're gonna take a shit an hour later, right? And I would go, I'm not fucking making the bed. And she fucking, I'm at the pool, like with the chicks and shit, thinking you're the man. And then I'm here, host Antonio. And I'm sitting there going, oh, it's getting louder and louder and all right.

And also I see her by the fence. Get out of that fucking pool in Spanish. And I'm like, who is this lady? like who is this lady? I've never seen it before in my life. She's crazy. And I ran that way. I got out and ran that way.

And she chased me. Oh, my God. How old were you? 9, 10? No, 13, 14. This is. Oh, God. Yeah, she chased me.

So, she chased me. So, this was like as embarrassing. And she had already taken me into deep waters of embarrassment. There was a guy in my corner, Mr. O'Tino. He was really racist. And every time I'd walk by the house, he'd go, You and the niggers cutting some chickens up tonight. He would always say, like, the most racist things.

Jesus. He would call me a spick to my face. This show is going to have to be on Netflix. He's right this TV show. And then he ended up becoming friends, O'Tino. Me and old man, O'Tino fucking hated each other for years. Him and his fucking German wife, his Nazi wife, I hated those motherfuckers for years.

I hated those people for years. And at the end, the last two years we became friends. And then I would go over his, after my mother died, I would knock on his door. And he would ask me, how he would. was doing he had one tooth and he would sit on his balcony and just criticize everybody and miss to know what's happening he would just talk you you you fucking spit fuck and he would just insult me right out every day dog from the time i was 10 to i was like

13 and when they said you know what miss otino suck my fucking dick bitch and he freaked like he couldn't handle that in front of his what you say spick kid i go suck my dick you want to fucking throw down motherfucker and then what happened was I think he was there the day of the day my stepdad took the gun out against Albiare's father against like it was a battle oh my god bro this is the story

I'm getting to that this is crazy this is Mr. Tino lived across in the Clemens and he would stop his box cut Clements yeah Buzz cut Clements

he would sit there all day and just criticize people look at the this dirty white fuck and the special hours were Italian that's the only one he would talk to so Dominic and Michael and him would sit on their balcony and we were talking Italian about people and I understood him because I'm so close yeah so close to Spanish I would understand what the fuck they were saying they'd be talking about the am any gun and the fucking spikaroos they were calling speakaroos and fucking right to my face that almost sounds nice and I would walk past me

he'd go hey your mom cutting any chickens up tonight or what like every night he would torment me about Santa Ria a fucking something like he had one two yeah one fucking two down here he was bald like he was going bald already he had to be retired because he just sat on his balcony all day and I remember I used to play basketball and I'd walk past me go I don't know when you're gonna give that up your respect you're never gonna be bigger than five eight like he just say race dream crusher just and I tell him to you know what are gonna suck my dick how did you guys become friends finally I told him to suck my dick like 10 times.

He didn't know what happened was. So the story I'm getting to is Valentine and the fucking and the bicycle. So let's get the Valentine first. Valentine was my gumba, the way you're my gumba. Yep. But Valentine was that gumba you had that always gets the tail end of the fucking stick. Yeah. At the end of the day.

His mother used to whistle for him. Yep. And only he could hear. It was like a dog whistle. He could be in Seacococcus in a swan. in a swamp, dragging a motorcycle dog from a train that we'd steal. And also he'd go, I gotta go.

And we'd go, where the fuck you're going? And you'd just see him, he would just tear ass home. He could hear his mother's whistle. She would go and he would fucking fly home. He would stop what he was doing. His mother would beat the fuck out of him. Okay. So we were kids.

And then I had a, the first thing that happened was I bought a motorcycle from Richie Vanichick. Richie Vanichick had one of those bicycles that. I already had a high. under 50 and I had already had an Excel 75 and I already had an 80. Wow. But to be cool, Richie Vanichick was selling his loamower one that he had bored the engine out.

So it was a strong, there's like a 75. Wow. Only on the old frame. You're on a normal bike frame? Yeah, the mini bike with the two little tires and the whole thing. And it was the one that you pull the lawn mower, you fill it up with gas and a little oil. That seems really dangerous. We were a little baby kids and kids would.

just go fly around the block on the block on them would they explode nothing nothing jesus you would hear him no we run yeah yeah yeah yeah you would pull the rope and that's how you know you could tell with people like just a couple people had those you would pull the rope and it was an engine tied to a rope like this and you would pull it and it would spark it fucking tremendously and you would put gas you'd go to the gas station to fill gas but the cops couldn't see you if the cops saw you you get pulled over and they'd take it away So you're always riding from cops. Not street legal. They weren't.

That's what everybody would say. So no matter if you had it, if a cop caught you, they would take them away or warn you or whatever. So you were always on the fucking lookout. You were living like a rebel at 12. Yep. So I already had all the motorcycles, but Richie Vattachuk called me when he goes, listen, I'm selling the black one. I need money, $35. So on Christmas fucking Eve, I walked over to Richies and gave myself a Christmas present.

I bought Richie's motorcycle. I think I traded them with weed and a bike. And I ride at home, but as I'm riding at home, Richie goes, bro, be careful. The seat is not screwed in. You got to get a new nut come off of the seat. Okay. So be careful on the ride home. So I ride that thing home through Charles Court, a fucking liberty, whatever that street is,

and I make a union turnpike, and I make it right up, give it that terrace. And as I'm going in my garage, the windows start going up. The storm window, the screen, the window, the other window, and his head. head popped out he's like what he got oh valentine heard it as he heard it he was a motorcycle yeah yeah yeah yeah he goes what do you got oh shit i'm coming now and he fucking slammed the thing and that'd be like 830 quarter 9 like it was christmas eve and he comes down and he fucking oh my god we're gonna have so much fucking fun but they had just snowed oh no it's no like three two days earlier and all that was left the streets were clean but there was black ice

i was gonna ask about that and the sides were like two feet of snow okay the street were clean yeah but you that black ice is treacherous so he's like oh man I can't wait to bother this out he goes we're gonna take the top off and we're gonna put a fucking thing in there he could see all the yeah he could see all the potential but what he wanted to really ask me was can he ride and he ride the fucking thing and he's like you know oh my god yeah well and he goes do you mind if I ride like oh yeah get on the fucking bike huh so he I thought he was just I was just gonna it's gonna be terrible I I thought this motherfucker was just going to like, you know, whatever, that's it.

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. North Bergen is known for having the second hiliest town in the country behind San Francisco. Okay. Every block is a fucking hill. That's why my heart is tougher than that because I walk those hills in North Bergen. You even have a fan page on Facebook. If you grew up in North Bergen, if you walked the hills in North Bergen, you have no idea.

The sledding must be great when I went home. When I went home, I was talking to D. They go, do you know how many times you walked up that hill talking? mixing Gatorade and Vaca as we were walking up to the butt. We would run up that hill. Wow. That's the shape we were in.

It was amazing. That 46th Street hill is a fucking monster. So Didi goes to the top of, Didi. Valentine goes to the top of the fucking hill. I go Valentine, be careful, because of deceit. So he goes to the top of the hill. He pops like a wheelie, and he's fucking br-hr.

He's coming down my block. And I'm watching him. He's a good writer, you know? I'm watching him. And all of a sudden he's like, like 10 feet away, he looks at me weird because he hit black ice. Which is not good if the seat's attached. The seat wasn't attached, and he was on it.

And all of a sudden I said, I made eye contact with him as he hit the black ice. And he started losing control of the bike. Like Peeley Herman, when he gets on the motorcycle, he goes through the billboard. And I could see him like he's panicking. He hit black ice, and it's a threat of it. And all of a sudden, Doug, the fuck, and he's squeezing the brakes and he's hitting black ice. And he just fucking missed getting hit by a car. And he didn't turnpike.

But he crashed against Lucy Snowbush's wall. Like the plants, the cemetery flowers, all that shit. And I think he ended up getting stitches on Christmas Eve and something else like a broken finger or broken wrist. He's lucky he didn't snap his neck. And my bike was perfect. I just picked that up and walked it home. He's done that. He's like, where are you going?

The seat. was up the corner like the seat that flowed off what happened was he hit something and the seat started sliding oh god so his arm is like this and also the seat flip behind the thing and his arm is still on it so he just he just let go the bike and just let that go and let the bike go and he just slipped bah and you could see as he's sliding on the ice on his fucking and he had a big scrape on his back I mean, it was just a nightmare. The next day I saw him, I don't even know I got on the bike and all this shit. That was accident number one while he was around me.

Now, his mother didn't really like me. I was going to ask him about that was the exact. His mom didn't like me at all. So now, a year later, I got a bunch of dough together, and I go up to Sears and Roebuck, and I buy one of those fucking bikes. And I bring it down the hill. I mean, I rode it all away from Sears Roebuck. I pull it up in front of my house.

And they had like the ring of bell and the son. Something that made a noise and he pops this out of, oh shit. Yep. A new bike, he comes down again and he's looking at it. He's like, oh, we're going to put a sissy bar on this. This is like a year later after this thing. And he's like, we're probably 12 or 13. I don't fucking know.

We're young. Again, all he wanted to do is take a ride on the bike. It had those, what do you call those handlebars? Like this? Where you hold them like this and they go like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's like it makes a big you. Yeah, like a big U.

So he's on the U. Again, he goes to the top of the fucking hill. It's the summertime. The birds are chirping. The clouds are out. It's human. The ice cream is about to come. In the spring, summer, fall.

Kids are out everywhere. He goes to the top of the hill. And he's speeding. I already rode this bike down a fucking hill. I went to 38th Street Park and showed it off. I rode on Union Turnpike. I bring it home. They built it for me at the fucking Cias.

Like, I took it off the thing. Like, we didn't. I ain't got time. Just give me the fucking sample. That's awesome. Take $10 off or something for $3 off and they gave me the sample. The floor model. The floor model. I just, I ain't got time to build it.

But they go, no, we still got to check it out. So you checked it out and I rode at home. I get home and there's Valentine and there he goes. He wants to ride the bike again. He gets on the fucking bike again. Again, he goes to the top of the hill, pops a wheelie and he lands and he's fucking speeding down. And I could see him like, like, oh. And people are like, go, Valentine, go.

And he's like going. and all of a sudden they didn't tie this knot here on the bicycle and the handlebar they just went down and all of a sudden he's looking at him again and again stitches broke your head yeah the whole fucking thing I pick up my bike I bring it like nothing happened

he's honest he's on this guy will return your calls he's like I'm not getting here like it again So What about the time at the fire? What? Wasn't there like a thing

A bug spray or something? That was the... So now a year goes by again. Now we're into hanging out in the woods. Oh, yeah, go and exploring in the woods was the greatest. So now we had the woods behind our house. Yep. So there was a soccer field where we ended up robbing.

We robbed all the tin metal off the roof where the people sat under. Like people would sit there and watch soccer games. We stole all the metal one by one with a ratchet set. Every night, me and Mike Denny, the devil. The copper. The metal storage strains. That thing that goes like this.

Oh, yeah. Metal sheathing type stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Each of those sheets was 80 bucks. That's a gram of blow and fucking $10 of gas for each of us. And we would go up there with a ratchet set and take three a night. The game was going on? No, no, no, no.

Like in the off season, they came back in the season and you know, what happened to our fucking roof? And they had to put a whole new roof on it. I mean, we took every sheet of fucking metal off that thing. And that took it to Columbia Lanes, which was a pool hall, combination, bowling alley. They had the best chocolate milk upstairs out of the machine. The milk machine, remember when the milk came in bags,

and they would put it into the thing. Oh, you press the thing? Oh, my God. They would give you who, like a chocolate milk. Ice cold chocolate. I haven't had a chocolate milk in 15 years. With a fucking straw in it. They would make it frown.

I love that you were robbing a place and then still kid you like I'd like some chocolate milk right now That's the TV show but that was part of the the soccer field had none that the soccer field was Shudson field It's a great it was a German place. They're still there they do big time parties Okay, and they did soccer back there and when you rode your motorcycle back there a guy would come out with a German And his name was the chef he was the chef in the place and he was a true Nazi and he would go back there yelling in German get their fucking Slicing can can gunk gunk gunk gunk gunk off my fucking field. Wow.

And he would chase you off there. There's a couple times you chased North Bergen baseball would practice there. The Todd brothers, Rich and Jeff Todd, they would practice there. He chased him off there with a knife. The guy was crazy. Wow.

So you had to be crazy and shit and feels. So we started going up there and drinking and partying and shit. Yes, you get older. So we started going up into the woods. And then one night it was the winter. So we would go up to the woods, get a bottle of boons for him.

Yep. And six of us would drink it and fucking light fires. Okay. And every night, the challenge was to light the bigger fire. Okay. You know, like tonight I brought a piece of plywood. I stole some gasoline from my uncle and we'd make a fire.

Yeah, like a campfire. We did this for about two weeks. We included Valentine. He gets up there one day and he comes up with a jar with one of these. Only bigger. Okay. It was this thing right here. It was a lysalt can.

Yep. He brought a liceo can up with him. We had the fire going. There's eight of us, okay? He goes, watch this, guys, and he throws the lights on the fire. We're sitting there for about eight minutes. How close are you guys to the fire? I mean, the fire was right there where that fuck.

The clicker is? Where the clicker is. And we were surrounded around the fire. It was wintertime. And he goes, let's throw this in and see what happens. He throws it in. Everybody's moving back like a fucking, like Rambo's coming out. Not him.

He's right on top of it, right there. about six, seven, eight minutes going by, we forget about the fucking can. And all of a sudden you hear, let me tell you how life, I saw the can blow. Oh my God, is there shrapnel? And you see this piece right here?

Yeah. This blew from the thing. And you saw it. It went right in the direction. Like I saw it, like, I was looking at it, walking back, like going, this is not going to be good. Yes.

And I was walking back like me, Dominic, especially I got rest their soul. It had to be Louis the nigger, Louis Hernandez, Carlos Perez. It had to be a bunch of those guys. And I never forget walking back and hearing the boom and seeing something fly. And Valentine was six feet from the fucking thing.

Jesus. And the next thing you know, that circle was in his leg. And it was burning through the jeans. You could see the smoke already. They had burned. That's a bomb. No, no, no, it was fucking horrible, guys. It was one of the worst things.

Funny and bad at the same time, because this could only happen to Valentine. Oh, my God. I mean, he ran down that leg with that fucking thing. Like, it was like a cattle prod. Yeah. It was hot. It was fucking on fire.

Probably stalled a scar because, oh, yeah. Oh, fuck, yeah. And, dog, after that, I can't really figure out what happened between us. I wonder what turned him on. The last two were his fault pretty long. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God, Joey. That's, uh, yeah, I looked them up.

I found them. He's a dentist, but no, he won't reply. How about a shout out for Jason Hutchins, Joshua Wesley, Cornelius Burrows, Lorne Rosenka, my man, Jeffrey Collins, Andrew McCarthy, Christopher Court, and Phoenix Xavier Gladsong. I love you motherfucklers. Don't forget, May 20,000. working out with Uncle Joey at the fucking Ice House.

Don't forget this weekend. My little brother, Steve Simone, at the downtown. It's the South Club. It's the South Club comedy. Comedy works. I need to party till somebody farts. You know what I'm saying? Who the fuck are you kidding?

Oh, my God. No, it just bothers me that. Like, I feel bad. Yeah. I really chewed my heart. Feel really bad. Like, you know, just say hello. You know.

But one of the bikes he sold me. Yep. Didn't snow. I was walking out of my house one day. I dated this girl. I found love in the seventh grade with this girl. She's fucking beautiful. Doesn't matter what a name is.

And we didn't have sex or nothing. Like, we weren't even close to us. I saw her titty's one time. You know, she, we were holding hands. and we'd watch Donnie. I was like, it was like the way Paul had hit, but we would hold hands and watch Donnie and Marie, and I would go to the fucking movies with the grandmother.

I was an asshole. I was an asshole. I was my first girlfriend. I thought you had to bring chocolates and flowers, and meanwhile, I'm not getting any pussy. I'm a bitch, right banging on that fucking thing every night. I'm like, fuck this. But we played hooky a lot every night,

and we go back to my house. And when they called my mother. My mother just happened to be home at lunchtime. they called so she lived catty yeah like on my ankle yeah my mother went in the backyard and started calling her a whore buda whoever raised that little girl's a whore she's over here every day in my son's bedroom and just embarrassing wow we got to a house her mother sat us down and she goes your mother is out of control the thing she's saying back there you know not allowed my house no more and

all this shit and oh she was calling her a ho her a ho Your daughter's a skinny whore Janice Rossi Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was my mother It was terrible Terrible, it was just embarrassing And then we were allowed to see each other And then it slowed down

And ended up we didn't date And I got left back and the whole thing And then we just broke up one day There was no back At that time I was just heartbroken Yeah I got I was more heartbroken About getting left back There was nothing worse than feeling stupid

Yeah And I did it over a fucking broad. Right. Like I got so infatuated with her, but I forgot about geography. Like I failed geography. I didn't forget. I went to summer school for geography and Matt. Right.

And I couldn't even resist her pussy. Like I stopped going to summer school just to dry hump her and be with her in the daytime. That's how weak I was, you know. Yeah. It's just weak. But that taught me like a big, like I couldn't let my mother know I got left back. So I had to live on the straight and narrow now. So I had to study every night.

There was no reason. one my mother would have to get called to school i was very gotcha i had to live for four years very carefully yeah i couldn't no no no no no no i caught i took my mother away from the game like i yes i didn't let her know anything yeah no reason to even no she kept asking me when am like when are you going and graduate and i said you know what i'm supposed to graduate but i'm going a basketball camp instead gotcha she's like you am i going to make me so depressed i can't believe I'm not going to see you graduate. I'm like, ah, you'll be here to see me graduate high school.

And I kept going. The lie just kept going. That's how lies work. Then I got into the freshman year. And fucking, I'm like, when is this going to stop? Then sobbing with you. And I always said in that story, when I found her dead, the first night came to my mind was I knew she wouldn't find out. I got left back.

Like, I just knew wouldn't come to that fucking time. But New Yorker, that was. the girl's name, we stayed friends, you know, we tried to stay friends or whatever, and then we became kind of friends. We all played together. I got over it.

Yeah. I started going to karate, and I started playing basketball more, and I got back into the string of things. Yeah. And I forgot all about them. You know what I'm saying? I think I started dating somebody else.

A girl that's dead now. God bless her soul, Helene Ketter. And we were friends. Like, just like, hello and goodbye, I was friends with her brother. You know how it is. Yes. And one day I'm leaving the house,

and Valentine goes, Hey man, take a ride on this bike. It doesn't feel right. So sure enough, when I hit the left on the corner, I felt that the steering wheel wouldn't move fast enough. Gotcha. Like the steering wheel needed a WD40. Yeah, an oil or something.

So I just took the thing to Charles Court, and I went up the hill. You know, I didn't stand up, so if the chain broke, I would fall. I just battled gently. And I went up Charles Court, and I got to the top of Charles Court, and they were playing. I put the bike down. Charles Court is one of those streets that's a loop. A cul-de-sac kind of sort of, but it does have an island in the middle. Cool.

And a girl lived in that house. There was two houses in the middle, and there was a bunch of bushes and shit. The guy on this corner was the guy that was working with the Iceman. Oh, my God. Yeah, that block was a hot block. That was the guy that taught Iceman how to use the poison. Oh, my God. Mr. Softie lived on Charles Court.

So we were all playing. Charles Court had Sabatino. uh, Dean Altman, uh, those two kids that the father was Mr. Softie, Alariza, they had their own little community on Charles Court. Yeah.

You didn't have to leave Charles Court. Charles Court had their old kids that played with each other. So given that terrorists would go over and play with Charles Court, me, to specials, Valentine, Michael Clemens. And by that time, they would,

they wouldn't say it in English to his face. They would say it in Spanish. To Valentine? No, to Michael Clemens. to say clemento te de piahos that means clemens has fleas hilarious bea hoz means fleas so after all this spick thing and spick how many times did he have lice just once and he never lived his whole family had it they lived they could never live it down right people wouldn't go to their house yeah people wouldn't sleep over yeah forever he had flees clemito tia pioho he still won't friend me on facebook

He won't friend me on Facebook, not because of that. Why won't he friend your on Facebook? Because one day we're out there playing, and Michael Clemens got into an argument with Carmine Balzano, son Anthony, God bless his soul too. So something, they got into an argument about a bike. I don't know. I was not there.

I was there, but I wasn't there. You were there, but you're not there. Yes. So it's a summer day. Otino's on the balcony. yelling racist stuff for people. The tooth guy. Because the Nazis are out.

Puerto Rican Nelson lived there at the time, the pervert. They lived behind the fucking... Best TV show ever. Best TV show. I took you. I took you there. I showed you.

If you watched the film, I'll show you. I'll show you where Puerto Rican Nelson lived. There's Zanis. Then across the street was Raul. Raul lived across the street. While they were moving in, me and Michael Spichial broke him. their house. So I had a stereo. So I stuck the stereo and I had it in my bedroom. Guess what? I became

friends with Raoul. So Raoul would come home in my house. I would never let him in my room. My mom would go, take Raoul to your room. No, I can't go in my room because I had a stereo in my room. Oh my God. While they were moving in from the Bronx, we robbed their house. And for years, they kept saying, well, this is a terrible neighbor. We got robbed. There's we're moving in. As they were moved, the house across the street always had drama for me. They could never have the right rent. Next to them was the girl named Grace something and her sister, and they were really cute. They ended up moving to Tina when we were in high school.

On the top of the block was a girl named Grace Savoyer, aka the onion, because Savoyer means the onion in Spanish. And her mother was hot. Hot mom. Hot mom, and they were really sweet. Grace was very sweet. But Grace's mother was having an affair with like an older man that was married. and this is way before Beverly Hills cop dog

this is 75 76 while he was up there fucking the mom we put potatoes in his gas pipe and he could try to start the car nobody knows what I'm up to and the car wouldn't start

and he would fucking die you know what he put his fucking and he would never look there God maybe it's good kids have TV now maybe the whole iPads aren't a bad thing Keep them out of trouble. Oh, my God.

They probably, like, do you think they police reports about, like, the whatever, the given air terrorist, like, kid gang, like, something's going to happen? It was just, guys, it was just growing up. It was just growing up. I didn't do any of that stuff. No, no, it's just growing up. You cannot. That's incredible.

That block. I used to have, I used to have a backyard. And it was, it was that block. It's one foot block inch thick blocks of concrete. Oh, yeah. You're supposed to put concrete in the middle of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My parents were Puerto Ricans.

They didn't do that. They just laid the block down in the dirt. Yep. And I put turned that into a basketball court. That's why I was such a good dribbler. Oh, because you couldn't dribble everywhere. You could. No, no, no, no.

You couldn't dribble on there. Yeah. I figured out how to hang a basketball court in my backyard and have three on three games and dribble on that floor. That's it was. You'd be dribbling. The ball would jump out of your hair. I figured out how to dribble because I would dribble that.

But not only did I have a basketball court, I turned it into a pseudo-baseball diamond. And I had the green monster, but it wasn't my yard. The green monster was the O'Rourke's yard next to us. Nice as white people you ever met, you know, very polite, would bring over like Christmas cookies and shit. Yeah. They could not take us. We were playing the fucking Spanish music. Oh, got that.

The Spanish music. So I built a fake brick wall and called it the green monster when they went on vacation. Was there a fence between your backyards or no? There was a fence. So you would hop the fence and put the wall over there? Put the wall over there. So we put an extra guy over the fence. His job is just to...

Right. So I just took bricks and put them together. Real bricks? Real bricks. I took them one day. I bought him from Rendell Lumber. I think my mind got them for me. They delivered him to my house and they put him in my backyard.

Me, one by one. I took each brick, jumped the fence with each brick. I threw them over. and I built a wall that was probably five feet, but it was just made of brick. There was no concrete. Okay? Are you following me?

It was just made a brick. That's not a very sturdy. No. So I made it stay like this. I don't know how. And one night we're having a softball came there. And there was this kid that has bad acne on my block. Michael Special.

He had the worst acne you ever seeing your life dog. He had a pimple on this lip one time. It was a white head around the black head that had gotten infected. Oh, that had a hurt so bad. And he bit into a cheeseburger and the thing popped right in front of us. And you saw the pus on the cheeseburger. I will never forget that. And that place is still there.

That burger was a place. No wonder you get mad when he ate cheeseburgers. Oh, my God. It was disgusting. He had pimples everywhere. He had the worst acne. Yeah, it was the worst. I had bad acne as a kid.

People were tortured him. He had it on his back and his neck. And they were horrible, horrible whiteheads. Like that just stuck out of an inch. Like when you were. you talked to him, you wanted to pop him. Yeah, yeah. Let me get that pop.

Let me pop that fucking zit on your forehead. Like, it was just a horror show. He was playing out for you one night. I hit like a bomb. And he's running towards the wall. Like Carl Yistrinsky. He's running towards the wall. And brother, guess what this motherfucker does?

He tries to put his foot up on the wall. I'm finally one of the guys. Wait until they see how good an athlete I am. When he fucking went through that wall, you should have seen the look on his face. All the bricks were on top of him, stitches, the whole thing. He won't talk to me either. Oh, my gosh.

Listen, I talked to his sister, and his sister and me connected out here 15 years ago, and she told me that she asked him if he knew me And he goes, nope. And I go, that's a lie. She goes, no, he makes believe like he doesn't know you to that. Wow. Because the abuse on him was so bad.

Like, he still, like, he only talks to one kid. And his younger brother died. So he always blamed us. Didn't blame me because I wasn't with the brother when he died. Me and the brother. He was a kid when it happened? He was 16. the brother that died was 16 and Michael was probably 18.

What was his nickname? That's sad. What did they call him? Creature feature or something. They call him something. So is the sister older or younger? Younger. And she was about five when Dominic died.

So she calls me from time to time. We always talk on his anniversary, August 4th. We went to T. THC Crystal and he took it one day, you know, with these older guys and jumped into not like a pack on, but the quarry or something in Jersey. That was always happening. Like those late 70s, that stuff was bad. And he fucking drowned.

And I still have a picture of my light of candle from every Monday. I put a glass of water from, you know, he was my Gumbab. But he got involved in something and I stopped hanging out with him. Like I just, we outgrew each other. But we went to offense, defense, football camp together. We did a bunch of things together. But the older brother, he quit high school and he hooked up with an older woman.

So when the brother died, he blamed it on himself for not being there. But what happened with Michael Clemens at the end was that one day Anthony and him, Anthony died. But Anthony was always getting into arguments. And then when a parent would come out, Anthony would yell at the parent. And then when the parent would say something to him,

Anthony would go home and get his father to be the moment. And it was classic. And at that time, everybody knew of calm mind's reputation. He was the toughest guy in the neighborhood. He was the mayor's driver. And he was a detective. Yeah. And he was involved with a lot of people, and they were lighting fires.

So he used to call him the torch. Because he had a go-go bar slash flea market. In the daytime, it was a flea market. And at night, it was a go-go-ball. Wow. So it was known that he was good at the... fires but one day they actually caught him he tried to light the go go bar on fire and some kids were outside playing they're like mister this smoke coming on the

building it's like there's no smoke you're not saying anything his five dollars apiece get out those kids went out and called the police and then they tried to prosecute him wasn't he a police officer he was a cop yeah and he still kept his job and he got yeah because he faked a heart attack so you fake the heart attack instead of going to jail and you don't have to answer questions until you get out of the heart attacks and you get you're attorney that you were turning up so if you get in trouble you get a heart attack a fake heart attack and you're fucking oh yeah this was classic so by this time he was notorious he had already beaten up mr robson and he did you guys see it yeah oh yeah that's how i became

friends with the family oh i remember you stood up for the kid right you stood up for anthony right To the perantany, by mistake, like not knowing just from what I had learned. And you just moved there, right? From New York. I had lived there for about maybe a year and a half, and I had not gone to play with those kids. I was petrified of those kids. Yeah, I remember that feeling. Those kids didn't look like the New York City kids that I, you know, they looked a little harder, a little weirder.

Yeah. But once I got out there, I liked them, and I became friends of this Italian family. You know, anything he gave, bro, he did a lot to me when I was growing up. I had a no-show job and Harvest Man as a janitor. I had a no-show job in a park. Oh, dog, he took care of me. Like, it was fucking. You know, I was telling him, I was telling Lee last night that his famous words to me always,

if you want to kill somebody and invite him all for dinner. And I was like eight, and I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Age inappropriate advice. Like, I met him when I was 10. I'm lying there. I met him when I was 10. And from the time I was 10 or 11 to fucking after he did it, then he finally invited somebody to his house and he shot him seven times.

in self-defense in October of 83 he fucking shot a guy or October of 82 he shot a guy seven times in the back in self-defense and they found out he ended up owning the guy half million dollars that's why he shot they put a gun in the guy's hand the guy laid him down and Carmine lost his job but he never lost his pension wow this was a crazy block he was the king of the block so but he lived on by the park but he lived on by the park but given that terrorist belongs to him and Anthony got into an argument

Mr. So it's a summer day Everybody's on the bat They're all Italians Everybody's on the fucking block Michael gets into an argument Anthony Anthony gets into an argument

Michael's father Anthony goes really I'll run home and get my dad and we'll fucking figure it out He came back with Mr. Carmite handcuffed And beat him up In the neighbor

In front of everybody He just started punching him Like you see in the movies Wow With the Hankos on. And the guy's yelling, police brutality. Police brutality. And everybody started sweeping.

Not my business. Everybody on the bunk started sweeping or they went inside the house. The only person to stay outside was Otino yelling in German and shit, whatever the fuck in his Nazi wife. Was that the one where he had two cruisers come up and they were running tickets to fake people? Yeah. And then the cops would come. They'd write fake tickets. And then he beat him up handcuff.

And then he unhandcuffed him. To make him apologize? No, he unhandcuffed him and left him on the floor. And then they were yelling and screaming. Didn't anybody see nothing? I was going to press charges. And the whole block was like, Nope.

We don't know nothing. We don't know nothing. So he got really... He never friended me. He never friended. You know, I tried. He's active on there. Yeah.

But I spoke to other people from the name, and they go, no, he never... He just wants to... After that day, you know how embarrassing that is to see your dad get beat up? Nobody fucking stick up for him. Yeah. But after that dad became friends with Otino, though, because Otino saw I was tied up with karma,

and he's like, oh, okay, I won't call you speaking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was allowed to sit on this block and talk to him at night, and I'd go over there at night and sit there in the summer nights and talk to him. That was a very interesting block, man. That was a very interesting. Puerto Rican Nelson, the pervert, the one who would play football with us

and shit in the robe all the time he always had a robot bro it was the weirdest fucking this is the greatest TV show that's never been made yet I'm serious Joey this is too good

I love how this all started with talking about forgiveness too yeah this is what it's about it's forgiveness really I never forgot none of those stories I never forgot that and there's more like when you bump into people

like I talk to Gina a lot whose sister was that Gina lived on Charles court. I just talked to her two days ago and she's like, are you on the podcast? I want to talk some shit. So I might have a call. Oh, that'd be great. Yeah, yeah. I still talk to her and one of the guys, the people who took me in, they're, he's running for something in town. This, this May 5th or something, I don't know. I don't know what happened if he wanted that. May 9th. I don't know when the election is, but it's weird that that, that, when we went

down there, remember, the guy came out. Me and Lee went to that neighbor. And we sat on that, that street is completely different. At one time, that street, in the summer, it would have 15 kids on it. Yeah. 15 and fucking kids. Yeah. And the street over, 38th Street Park, there had to be 30 there, and Charles Court had about 8 or 9. Yeah.

Liberty, even the block where the school was, that block there was a hot block. It was the Messinas, the Canellas, who was called into the podcast, Ray Canella. he owns the fucking horror show thing Richie Vanichick lived on that block that was a Debo Mosella That was a hot block too We had four or five talk about good times And then you talk about

Across the park The Balzano block That was Carmine Balzano Carlos Perez de Carney Brian Carney one time we pissed in a bottle We put a lid on it And put it back in the six pack And he took it out and drank the piss

Hysterical you can't write that shit You understand me He was sitting there for an hour With this piss just drinking And they go, man, hilarious. We pissed in a nip, one of those eight-ounce beers, and we put the lid back on. This little pony bottles, little dips.

So this day, anytime you mention Brian Kahn, they're like, man, didn't he drink piss one time? Nobody ever gets over. The most embarrassing worst moment of their life is what they're known for forever. Didn't he drink piss? Then he drink piss one time? And he had sisters and shit.

You had the benders, you had. You had so many fucking people on that block, like so many kids. And now you don't see a kid anywhere. No. Like not even by fucking accident when you see a kid playing or talking or doing anything. And it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart. Look at Lee.

Leek says I never did none of that shit. Like I had fun, man. Who fucking builds a wall out of bricks? I never thought somebody was in someone else's yard. Why was there a wall there? Yeah, I just left it there too. They came back from vacation to York's like, what the fuck? They just saw bricks with blood on it.

They were like, what the fuck is going on? I could see my dad just be like, honey, just don't ask any questions. You have no idea how crap. And then next to them was especially howls, but next to them was an Irish family. And I just became friends on Facebook with the younger kid. He was Vita's age. when i was 16 his name was timmy okay and he had an older brother who was just nuts like they had already said that's 16 he had killed somebody like him and the gizzies hung out like he

hung out with a tough crew that was doing heroin wow but he had a girlfriend angel and her sister with two italian girls that were banging do you understand me banging at if i was 12 they were 17 16 oh yeah that's a whole and i'll never forget that you'll never forget that you're We went to soccer field one day, just minding our own business, and we heard, like, and we looked over a war, and there's Maloney. That was his name, Timmy, and something Maloney brothers. Yeah. And they had an older brother who was crazy wild, and people knew not to mess with him.

Like, he didn't even hang out in our name, but he would just walk past us and look at us, like, fuck you kids. Yep. Like, you don't know nothing about life. And he was fucking angel. he had dug out like a trench in the side of the bill of the fucking hill and they were hitting

they were hidden in the sting and we're up there and him out of pussy was hairy as fuck he flipped her over and was fucking a doggy style and we were like 12 our heads were about to blow the fuck up like we had never

seen this and in uh and personally yeah that's crazy this was like the crazy this had to be like summer of 75 That was like my craziest summer with those guys. Like we had a great, great summer.

Like that Sam summer of Sam and all. He was like one of those summers where it was hot. But I'll never forget that. We looked over and we started giggling like little faggots. And he stopped what he was doing. He's like, who's up there? I'll kill you. You know what that dude coming after?

Dog, we ran. And then he would see us and he's like, I knew it was you watching this. I'm going to fucking kill you, motherfucker. I'll poke your fucking eyes out. And we would just be like scared. Like, oh, my God, Timmy Maloney. He ended up OD in a couple years after my mother died. Wow.

Then the old man died. But the son, the little guy still, and I finally friend of him on Facebook. Timmy? And he told me, I still remember, you know, he had a dog that the dog would just chase rocks. And he would throw tons of rocks. And the dog's teeth, you could see, were just charred. Didn't have tips from Chishol. Even the dog was tough in that house.

The dog was tough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember when I got a dog, my dog ran away and killed one of his chickens. And his dad was going to kill my fucking dog, Crystal, and he didn't. He was a good man. Wow. It's in an amazing 40 years later, you still remember every house, every kid, every dog that your neighbors had.

Like, there's one neighborhood. I remember what people gave out on Halloween from the 80s. I'm like, oh, yeah, they gave out a full can of soda. I remember certain candy bar. It's weird that those memories last forever. I can't forget them. I mean, they're who I am today. That whole neighborhood, when I look at it now,

it's like I'm on high alert. Like, I have to, I go in, I make a left on giving that terrace. I go up to block, I make a U-turn. I go back down to the Patterson Plank Road, and then I make a left on Charles Court. I go a loop. I look at all the houses,

and it's like just, it's like going to therapy. Yeah. Like, you still see the people playing. You see the people walking out of that. Exactly, yeah. The hair of my arms are standing up. I did that. It breaks your fucking heart.

Like, it breaks my heart. Like, all the nooks and crannies, you know. Like, that house on the corner, a girl, a lady named Faye lived there who was hot. If she was 30 for seven, she had two daughters. And she lived on top. And her husband was like 55, but Faye was fucking hot. And she had two French poodles, that one of them was blind. so she would have to walk him across the street in each arm

and she would wear hot pants with a halt at top big fake fucking titty's and the 70s and I had it in my mind that Faye had a crush on me like remember when Chubsby Uzby had a crutch on his teacher and he brought a flowers Miss Crabtree you don't have to call me Norman you call me Chubzy I was just like that I'm like man she wants me

like I had convinced myself that she won so I set up this plan How old were you? Maybe 13, maybe 12. I'm like, I'm banging her tonight because she would walk over there at about 11 and he would be inside. Usually he'd stay on the balcony and watch us

and nobody can mess with her. At 11, he was old. He'd already be sleeping, so I'd make my move. So I went out with my buddy's got nice and ham, and they're like, come on, come to a party of us. And I'm like, well, I'm going to stay home. Fuck that. I was going to get Faye.

It was a Saturday night. You put on Cologne? Oh, I had cologne. Tonight is your night, bro. Dog, if I tell you, I even took, like, a flower. And I hid in the bushes. I took a flower. Like, Cosby's nephew, I hid the bushes.

Strang of every great romance. And she came out to walk the dog with a fucking pair of hot pants on and a holter top. Like, what the fuck is this? And I crawled up behind. And I go, hi, Faye. She's like, hi, Coco, how are you? And I go, Faye. I really want you.

And she's like, what are you talking about? I don't think, I really want you. She's like, what the fuck are you talking about? I go, I have such a crush on you. And she's like, Coco, you're drunk. You've been drinking. Go home. Please, go home.

And I'm, like, starting to cry. But I love you and all this shit. And she's like, go home. And finally, she goes, all right, I'll let you kiss me. Get out of you. Kiss around the cheek or something. And then I go, no, I really want to touch your thigh. And I touched, like, a little bit in between a thigh dog and my dick blew up like a gau shit.

I had to run home with spew coming out of me. I ran up those states. I had sperm gripping down my leg Just for touching a thigh Oh my God Just from touching a thigh I came all over myself

It was fucking disgusting And I know her son-in-law now And I told him We went for breakfast And I go I asked for her She remembers when I hit on it Does she? Oh yeah

And she goes You should come down now And hit on it Because she's like 70 And she tells Bobby every day Bobby I'm more than Emma She's still hot She's still bangable

We want to come down with a bang. Her own son-in-law tells me from time to time. If you want a banger, you can still come down. What did her daughters look like? Were they hot, too? Beautiful. In fact, the older daughter took me to get my, when I first got my driving test when I was 17,

she drove me to the guy that a fucking, that gave you the license for 50 bucks. I reminded her of that. The younger sister's name was Kathy. Kathy's life didn't turn out that well. Kathy was a beautiful girl. We all grew up together. I can still see her face,

a cute little Irish. Her name was Kathy Cardinelli, but she looked really Irish, you know. Her sister's Diti. Okay. But Kathy was young in my age, and we grew up together. I never did anything with Kathy,

nothing like that. We were like brother and sister. And then as we got older, she got lost. She really got lost. She had a relationship, and it just didn't end well with some guy. And then my friend was banging her.

And when I went to Colorado, When I came back, he goes, she's been asking about you, go see her. Okay. And I walked into her apartment in Union City, right by the police station. And she had on a leopard suit with, like, crotchless things. Like, I had heard she had became like a sex thing, like something. Yeah. And I was curious.

You know, she had never fucked me. Maybe she'd give me a little stabbing. So she's talking to me. I'm 21 years old. I was in Colorado for eight months. I hadn't seen her in about four years, but we had grown up together. Right. And it's about 11 o'clock at night, but she tried to blackmail my buddy.

My buddy that was fucking her, she tried to blackmail him. But then they became friends afterward. Okay. Right? It was the weirdest thing. They became friends afterward. And he told me she wants to see you. So he dropped me off, but he didn't come in.

He's like, I'm not in the mood to see her. Okay. So I went inside there, and she was expecting me, and I went in, and we did a couple of wines of Coke. and we talked but she kept telling me hold on i got to go to the bedroom okay and what was going on was she had a guy back there that she was fucking she would disappear for 20 minutes suckers dick and then come back and talk to me and i was like this that's weird it was fucking it was really it was like one of those boogie night scenes yeah and i just left there and never saw again until about 10 years later i saw her at the track and she already had HIV oh man and she was really

skinny. I was standing with some guys and they're like stop, don't move. And I go what's the man? They go, Kathy's here. She would go, at the end, in 93, she was going to the track and just hustling Jones at the track. Oh my God. But 10 bucks, 20 bucks, 15 bucks. So sad.

Then they found her in a car or something like that, supposedly. I'd rest her so. Dead. I was thinking about, I mean, not any as graphic as that, but it's weird. I used to think I was smart in school.

Like, I did okay because I could memorize stuff. And there's people who I thought were idiots. But it's, like, amazing what growing up can do to you. And, like, now suddenly that person who he thought was smart is still working at the high school job and the person he thought was an idiot. It's a doctor somewhere. It's crazy how, like, you spend so much time with those people as kids. Like, you think you know them and you think you know where their life is going to go.

And people change. I mean, people change. Yep. That's fucked up. It's a very weird life, you know, and it's been a great journey, like, comedy. Like, I think about kind of like in Tempe this weekend. Like, how many times we've been to Tempe, you know? I mean, you're headlining this weekend.

Yeah. Okay. Think about going there as an opener with Pauli that then 15 years ago. Yeah. How good does it feel? Like, internally, like, you're like, oh, my God. I used to come to this club and make $150. Yeah.

Like, I used to go to Tempe and pick up $500 for eight shows. Yeah. And I was happy to get that then. No plane ticket, no nothing. You had to drive yourself from California to Tempe, six hours in a car. The flight's always been 100 each way to Tempe. So you basically made $300 for the week. Yeah.

If you went to Tempe. If you drove and had somebody drive you, you could save $100. But that's 12 hours of your fucking life. Just pay the extra yards, they can't fly. Yep. I'm grateful for all of it. Yeah, like, I can't believe, like, that we were lucky to make this journey. Like, I can't believe that.

It was you, me, Jim Norton, before he hit, and Bobby Lee. In Vegas. In Vegas. This is his Jim Norton was just getting on O.B. and Anthony. just. Yeah, I think he was still calling into the show then. He was still calling into the show. This is how it started.

This is how long I know Steve Simone. That's how long, guys. And now you're headlining fucking Denver South. Yeah. I don't want people to get confused. All they have to do is go to Denver Comedy Works. Yeah, you know, I got a promo code too for tickets. If they use the promo card nerds, they'll get two for one tickets.

And it's Mother's Day weekend. I think they wanted a comedian that, you know, you could bring your mom out to the show. So that makes me feel good. That makes you feel good. It does make me feel good. And you do. You tell these type of stories only with a clean or outlook. Last night I went to this thing from dying up here.

And some woman came up to me and she goes, you know, you don't know who I am, but we were really looking for you a couple weeks ago. We wanted you to come to the screening of Andre the Giant. Oh, wow. The documentary. And I go, you know what? I look like Andre the Giant. But I wasn't really a big wrestling fan next time. And I gave her your fucking name.

Oh, that's a certain. I go, anything wrestling, you call Steve Simone. And she was laughing. She goes, okay, I didn't know. I don't really know. I know Chief Jay Strombot and Mr. Fuji and, you know, with the atomic elbow, whatever. Chief J. Piper told me Chief Jay Strongbo was really Italian. How great to that.

Yeah, his name was Joe Scarpa. Roddy Piper was the greatest. He would tell me all the stories. you would have liked him if you two hung out his name was what Joe Scarpa here look it up look it up Lee Wikipedia out and see if that's true Chief J Strongbo yeah that's crazy I really thought he was a fucking Indian yeah and he used to sing that song

Chief Jay Strongbo yeah Chief Jay Strongbo yeah and he also told me that Mr. Fuji was like a gangster nobody messed with Mr. Fuji backstage he told me some crazy stories Mr. Fuji was really from Hawaii and he ran stuff He was, man, Oh my god Yeah.

What's it said? His name was Luke Joseph Scarpa. There you go. That is crap. I did not know Chief J. Strombo. That's fucking bullshit. That's fucking bullshit. I fucking hate when Indians play fake.

What's it saying? I can't read from here, though. He dead? Joe Scarpa, yeah. Let's see. Yeah, he died in 2012. He was 83. Wow.

Luke Joseph Scarpa. born in 1928 was a wrestler better known by his ring named Chief Jay Strongbow he portrayed a Native American wrestler who were a bonnet who were a war bonnet to the ring and would go on the war path

when fans started see that's not like I can't even like that would never be allowed now that's like the most racist thing is wrestling a lot to be racist it's not any good now this was great this kind of wrestling was the greatest Mr. Food you used to throw rice in your eyes he blows salt in your eyes

And they would say, like, oh, he's Pearl Harboring them. Like, they're so racist. So racist. 70s, 80s, wrestling was great. And he used to throw rice into the audience or something. He did something. Yep. Oh, my God.

Steve Simone, you're a trip with this shit. Jesus, look at that. He did for 30 years. 55 to 85. 55 to 85. Wow. I remember him in the early 70s. Never mind fucking 55 to 85 to 85.

Jesus Christ I remember him in the 80s He was still wrestling The 80s I was doing drugs I don't know what was going on I don't know right though wrestlers quit I didn't fucking know they even wrestled anymore I knew nothing

You know what I'm saying But no it's just really weird I brought you on today I wanted to talk about forgiveness Because you're Catholic It's everything you know I really believed in it And I thought that he would show up

But he didn't So and I haven't heard from him So now I'm just gonna take it for what it is You know what I'm saying That's the gift right you forgive somebody else so hopefully you can forgive yourself you know and that's i mean we believe that's that's in our creed i believe in the forgiveness of sins to trust god's mercy you know that's funny because i took the bicycle to charles court that day and i laid it down and i was playing

the one that uh valentine gave me yeah and i was just playing and i left the bike down and that girl that was dry humping went over and got on the bike oh after valentine time, the handlebars bike? The handlebars. So she got on the bike. So she was going downhill already. And me and my friends went around the other way to catch her.

And as we ran to catch her, she went to turn onto a sidewalk and the thing stuck and she went over and landed on the head. And that night she got rushed to the hospital because she had a blood clot in her brain. Dear God. And she lived and she ended up okay, but

you know, I went over and apologized for the bike And she goes, no, I know what had nothing to do with you, blah, blah, blah, blah. But now, in today's world, she's angry at me. Like, she won't friend me on Facebook, you know. Then somebody bumped into her and said, you know, he's trying, he's looking for you. And she's like, I don't know, I want to talk to him again. He fucked me up when I was a kid. Nobody fucked her up, man.

We were kids. We were fucking playing. I never, you know. I live with that shit, but. I think however people feel about themselves, that's how they treat others. Does that make sense? I don't think it has anything to do with you. Maybe she hasn't had the life she wanted to live.

You know? You got a point, brother. How does confession work? It's the greatest thing in the world. So if you say it and they do what they say, you're forgiven? Yeah. That's pretty cool. Well, it's pretty much like our faith is that Jesus died.

He took, he paid the bill that we could never pay. Oh, okay. So when you confess, it's sort of like you're acknowledging where you went wrong. And the Jews killed them even though he paid the bill. That's when you know things are bad. You know what I'm saying? Even though he covered the spread, covered the fucking Jews still came and stabbed them and fucking.

The Romans killed them. It was the Guinness. It was the Guinness. Next thing you know, he's fucking taking pictures on the cross. Fucking poor guy. Anyway, don't forget to see my little brother, Steve Simone, this weekend. at comedy works south I got dick going on

I'm home like I said May 26th you get the fucking ice house workout We got a special announcement It's been coming soon for you motherfuckers And that's it and that's that Life still goes on It seems what's up Lee

Steve Simone's doing my show on the 15th Oh that's right At the Sycamore Tower We got Christina Pizziski We got Theo Vaughn That's next Tuesday night Tuesday night Oh that's great

It's gonna be a fun show You better hope we don't have a podcast Let's hope not Because we were looking at Tuesday night, and I forgot. He just called me for Tuesday night, so. It's always fun. Tremendous. That's the way to end the show.

You know what I'm saying? Another one. You're for lunch, Joey. I had shrimp creole or some shit. It's last night. I went to that fucking, I'm dying up here party. How was the food? The food was, you know, I didn't, I took my wife out to dinner,

and then we went there just in case the food sucks. Yep. But they were finger food. It was like pigs in the blanket. I love those. They had these little, what's the pizza with just the plain, like cheese and sauce? They call it something like a tomato pie? Yeah.

Margarita? Margarite. Oh, okay. Had a little marguerite. They were like a 50 cent piece. I must eat 32 fucking dollars. Oh my God. I was eating them.

They had little tamales. It was nice. It was nice seeing Cheeto. It was nice seeing Eric Griffin. Yeah, they're good guys. I love those cats. Jerry came in later on. You know, I don't say nothing to know about that and talk to nobody.

Yeah. A person said hello to me. Nobody really talked to me. Two people. Yeah. I just talked to my wife the whole fucking night. It's nice to be invited. It's nice to get out.

It's out of me. And I fucking rent. And that's it. That's how you do it. I usually don't go to those things, but it was a Monday night. I got a baby so that I took the wife on the date. It's great. Yeah, it's nice.

And sometimes you need to do that just to fucking loosen up the house. Are you going to go to Mite's thing on Sunday? I'm not sure yet. I'm not good at funnels. I know. Especially I want to go. I've already made my peace with it. Yeah.

So it's just how I feel on Sunday. Yeah. That's all it is right now. Yeah. It's just how I feel on Sunday. I think I'm going to have to. It's Mother's Day. We're going to have to Uber down there.

There's no parking alive. So Uber's going to be all over the comedy stores. So I'm not sure yet. You know, you can't bring plus one. I know. It's going to be 700 people. So the main room is going to be the old school and the original room is going to be the young guys. Yeah.

And then they're going to have the belly room going too. And the belly room going too. And they're going to have to have. tents outside 700, 800 people. I know. I get social anxiety around fucking three people at comedy shows.

I got anxiety on stage in Tempe last Thursday. I had anxiety at that. Yeah, I'm not getting into like, I had to switch my flight to fly in for it, but I'm still not going to be able to get there until like 10 o'clock at night. Starts at 7.30. I figure by then most of the people will be cleared out. I'll see Pauly, his brothers, hopefully. Pay my respects.

And I'm going to go straight from the airport to there. And then home. And Ari's coming in the town. Yeah, he just called. Yeah, he's staying at my place. What is he coming? I think he's getting in Saturday when I'm in Denver. Okay.

So he's going to be staying at my place. Well, man, I'm happy you came on today. Thank you. I love you. Those stories were the best. I was feeling guilty about the Vela thing, and I know you'd make me feel a little better. But that's it.

He just doesn't want to me and my friend. I have to accept it and move on. I made my apology. I truly. See, you have amended your life then. Yeah, no, I had to. See, that's the point of confession, though, Lee. shit, it's gonna eat me alive.

I got three more things I gotta do. Now you have to let it go though. Because God forgave you. Now you have to learn out to forgive yourself and then that's it. You move forward as a different person. Does that make sense? That's everything. Makes a lot of sense. Nobody's perfect.

All right, don't forget Tuesday, the Sycamore Tavern. Don't forget May 20. I mean, we got a lot of dates of you, but most importantly, Steve Simone at Comedy Works South. I love you guys. Have a great fucking weekend. And I'll see you guys. Tip Top McGoo next Monday. Ready to fucking rock.

Stay black. Have a great weekend. And you know, I love you, motherfuckers. Kick this meal, Lee. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. It's the ten crack commandments. One, one. Man, can't tell me nothing about this cold. Can't tell me nothing about this crack. This weed. My hustler, niggas. Uh-uh. Liggas on the corner. I didn't forget you, niggas. My triple B, niggas.

One, two, three, four, five, six. this game for years. It made me an animal. It's rules to this shit. I wrote me a manual. Step-by-step booklet for you to get your game on track, not your wig pushback. Rue Nambre Uno. Never let no one know how much dough you hold, because you know that treader breathe jealousy, especially if that man fucked up, get your ass stuck up. Number two, never let them know your next move. Don't you know bad boys move in silence and violence taken from your I don't squeeze mad clips at these cats for their bricks and chips. Number three, never trust nobody.

Your mom's a set that ass up, properly gassed up. Hoodie, the masked up. Throw that fast buck. She'd be laying in the bushes to light that ass up. Number four, know you heard this before. Never get an eye on your own supply. Number five, never sell no crack where you rest at. I don't care if they want an ounce, tell them bounce.

Number six, that goddamn credit, get it. You think a crap. Blackhead pan your back, shit, forget it. Seven, this rule is so underrated. Keep your family and business completely separated. Money and blood don't mix, like two dicks, and no bitch. Find yourself in serious shit. Number eight, uh, never keep no weight on you.

Them cats that squeeze your guns can hold jumps too. Number nine, should have been number one to me. If you ain't getting back, stay the fuck for police. If niggas think you snitching, they ain't tryin listen. They be sitting in your kitchen, waiting to star hit the number ten. Number 10, a strong word called Cork Assignment, strictly for live men, not for freshmen. If you ain't got the clientele, say hell no, cause they gonna want their money, rain sleet, else no.

Follow these rules you have mad bread to break up. If not, 24 years on the wake up. Slug hit your temple, watch your frame shake up. Caretaker did your make up? When you pass, your girl fuck my man Jacob. Heard in three weeks she sniffed the whole half a cake up. She suck a good dick And can hook a steak up

Gotta go, gotta go More pasta bake up Word up Un- One Crack King Frank Whizzo Four five Uh

Uh One two Two three Three Five