The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #588 - Sin Quirin

Episode Date: May 28, 2018

Sin Quirin, a grammy nominated guitar player who plays and writes for the band "Ministry" as well as multiple other musical projects, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.  This podcast is brought to you by: Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/JOEY to get your first THREE meals for free.    FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Onnit.com - Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.     Recorded live on 05/28/2018.


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We got sin, quorum in the fucking house from ministry. Hey, we got the Christ killer here. Hello. We got the drummer for ministry sitting on the sidelines here. Nice gentleman. He don't say much. I like that. I like when people don't say much.

You know, I don't know nothing. It's a good drummer. He is. He's a good motherfucker. No, they don't need to talk. Just play the drums. Are drummers like the punters of the football team? Some people can get mad at the drummers?

No, no. The punters control the fucking game. Yeah. But some of them will drive you crazy. The best ones are the ones that just drummed. Just shut the fuck up and drum. There's a line of Coke. He's drumming.

There's red bull and milk. Do what you need to do. And get your head together. There's some mice keeps in the freezer. What's going on, brother? It is my problem. And here's what people don't know, but I'm honest about it. Sometimes somebody calls me and they go, hey, man, we got this guy.

He's an interesting cat. And, you know, I Wikipedia and Wikipedia ain't your shit. It's like a background check. It's like me coming back to you. So, Joe, you got arrested for burglary here in 87. You know what? Who gives a fuck? Right.

But once you start following people and you see them in that, action, you're the coolest motherfucker out there. I appreciate that. I thought Rudy was cool. I appreciate that. Rudy is cool as fuck, man. One day you swap and spit at the Grammys. Then the next day you pop up with a mandolin.

Then you're on stage. A couple chubby chicks are fainting in front of you. Like the Beatles, when they first got over the Kennedy airport. You had a couple chubby chicks of tattoos. Those little chubby chicks in concerts, they suck thick. They stop eating. They intermitting fast. They go to those things.

They start eating guitars. Oh, my God. They don't give a fuck. Those little chubs. chubby girls a tattoo i love you and shit at the shows they're intermittent fast they do drink and they get fucked up and then somebody's gonna get hurt you understand me yeah it's been interesting it's been it's been an interesting road um and yeah i mean thank god that you know uh people still show up and uh and give a fuck you know what i'm doing and and what the bands are doing and shit but

you know how it is man on the road it's it's crazy man you see all kinds of shit out there but it's it's a You know. A great lifestyle when you live in your grandmother's basement, you find a job that covers the spread. Yep. You know, there's nothing like being 19 to 23 and just living. Or 29. Well, this is a complete different disaster.

19 to 23 is the fucking time of your life. Absolutely. Especially if you just said, fuck college. Yeah. I'm going to play the guitar. I'm going to get a job at a hardware store. Yeah. And go see bands.

at night, four nights a week, you know? Whatever the fuck you do, like, I grew up with guys that that was their lifestyle. That's still their lifestyle today. I don't condemn it at all. They have a great time. But to go see bands four or five nights a week, you know,

that's heavy duty. That's a lot of dough. That's a lot of drugs during the week. Yeah, there's some nights they get off stage at 1130 and you go right home. And you get up and you deliver towels, whatever the fuck it is that you do, just to coexist.

Yeah. It's such a complete different happiness. And then one day life starts getting serious. Your grandpa tells you you're a fucking sack of shit. You got to move out of 23. He was killing fucking Japanese people. 23, I was stabbing Japanese people. I was in a Hitler fucking hut.

You know what I'm saying? Singing Jews songs. It sounds like a bar more than like a... Oh my God. Hitler hut. I met a fucking dude that was talking loud one day. And I couldn't handle it back then. Like, this is way before comedy.

Show me his numbers on his arm and shit. I had a drunk at a bar. He was drunk one night, this guy. Yeah. And he was telling me he was one of Hitler's huts and what they do in there. That's a fucking nightmare when you get those people live and in concert. When they're headlining, dude. You give one of those poor Jews, two bottles of men of sheriffs, and they take you into murky waters.

You got to do 18A balls just to coexist. You go home more depressed than watching eyewitness news. This is 40 minutes of, oh my God, I had never seen that before. Wow. I still remember the bar in New York, not the name, and where the first time I met a Holocaust survivor was. Who was Hammond. He was Hammond.

He had to rewrite the B. Hammond. If he didn't have the numbers on his arms, he had everything. Like, I mean, he just broke it down. And, you know, I was listening to his story. I started getting sad. Like, it just reminded me of everything bad in my fucking life. Sure.

I don't even know how he talked about Holocaust survivors. What fucking podcast? ends up on holocaust of vines up with yeah this is what i'm talking about this is this is not good this is no bueno i think it was a course killer i think i don't know i think how we don't need edibles no more on the show now at least we're coherent we're coherent we're coherent we do two three bonnets everybody's fucking happy that those those those edibles are killed people keep coming oh jo you lost so much weight because i stopped eating edibles eating edible you go home at light and you just lose control yeah like i was sitting there one

night thinking about how I used to kill that refrigerator my wife would buy those packages of salami yeah she's like they'll last two or three days no they won't like two three hours i would kill those packages i would kill the whole package of salami and half the package of american cheese damn two bags of popcorn three bags of popcorn graham crackers you know and you start light like you you lie to yourself yeah i got a yogurt with strawberries and some fucking nuts what's of those yeah i'm being healthy you start with that And then it was just, I just go into the worst foxhole in my life. So I stopped with the edibles and I lost 30 fucking pounds.

That's how much. Wow. How much those edibles. When you stop? Gradually. Yeah. Like I did two edibles yesterday. Don't get me wrong.

They're not completely out, but I've scaled it down. Right? But they weren't that strong in the edibles. I eat them more for the flavor. What are you talking about? This guy I know makes a fucking beef jerky, an edible with filet mignon. Oh, he said. And his wife is Thai.

Must I tell you anymore? Wow. She fucking dopes it up. He says there's like 100 milligrams per package per ounce. You know, yesterday I ate two packages. I had to kill them all my weight watcher points. Yeah. I had these weight watching points left over.

I said, I might as well kill him here. I walked around a little bit yesterday. So I said, let me kill this jerky just to see what it does to me. Fuck, it was good. I passed out two hours in the afternoon. Nice. That's how I took a nap. You stopped too.

We? Mostly. I was telling you guys before the podcast, there's been a couple times where I get too high, and it's not even, because that happens every time with me. How many stars at GD on night when you thought you were low potassium? Only two. Yeah, that's it. We're done. Our tolerance. Our tolerance was so high, sin. It was. We were taking 1,600. It was ugly for a long night. It was really ugly for a while. Because there was a wart time I was just poisoning. I would get them in the afternoon. and get the 180 the Chebichu and I would take the wrapper off to 180 and put it in a 60 fuck tell him it was a 60 and he would eat half of it and it was really 90 and he would get fucked up and then there was a cookie that was really 200 but I told him it was 100 he

he did half of it so I was building this tolerance and he had no idea that's one word for oh my guy can't you're in training oh yeah then we did the liquid acid and now that he's nothing oh we We did the liquid acid. We did both kinds of acid. Why not I put fucking little heroin dust in the bomb and you should have seen him dog. Hey, so what was it that you gave? He was not, that. What was it that you gave Polly Shore?

An edible. A little half a star. Because he just, he didn't even have the whole thing. No. That star is strong. And he like, that really fucked them up, right? At that time, those stars were, like these stars you're eating old, too. Yeah.

You put them in the freezer. That's six months old. We haven't gotten a star here. No, yeah. They might be longer older than that. older than that so they're really concentrated now they'll take it to it it's like eating like an ex parte uh it's like eating like a viking that's two years old you're flying like an old you had surgery like in a few years ago and you're like and you're like let me see if this shit works like that

that shit works it will work it will have you burping and shit like that but who gives a fuck oh my god yes and you're like just a fucking you know man you look at a guy and you play some of the band in your head you think he has this weird lifestyle have you yet seen stephen tyler on joe rogan i did i did i did i did watch that you know i i dug it i think stephen i mean he's a character he's the real deal he's the real like he's not there's no um yeah it's not an act no no no no no no that is him and i mean we played we played with Aerosmith last June at the download festival in the UK. And I mean, we, you know, we get to see a different side of that.

We get to see a lot of the behind the scenes stuff. But he, I had a great time watching that podcast, Joe's podcast with Stephen, because he's just so, the dude's like on 11 constantly. And he's such a like eccentric dude. but it's not an act, it's not fake, it's really who he is, like he's really going a thousand miles an hour constantly, and that really is how he lives his life.

Like he's constantly, he's everywhere. When he read his timeline. Oh, dude. Dude, and it was crazy. Yeah, I know, I know. His schedule is like, it was ridiculous. It's insane. I wish that's my schedule at 70.

Yeah, right? You wish that's your schedule at 70 years old, dude, and he does not do, dude, his schedule, I don't know if you saw that podcast or not. He was, like, going down, like, his, his, like, tinerary for, like, yeah. You're done. It is, like, every hour he's got, like, pretty much something going on. And he's traveling.

He's flying. He's, like, going everywhere. Red eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm 55. I take a red eye and crush for three fucking days.

Yeah. It was amazing to watch, dude. It really was. You know, when you, you ever meet, like, a band that you like, and you start talking to the singer. He's not the sharpest tool in the fucking shit. constantly oh my go and then the bass player is just as goofy oh yeah and then there's one guy in the band that's like a five beta capa yeah this motherfucker knows everything you could tell he's the

one that does everything for the band yeah when i was looking at steven tyler this is what i kept thinking about like i remember walking to see caucus new jersey summer of 76 to 77 to see journey erosmith and Ted Nugent. Wow. And I can't even tell you the undercard. The undercard was like Frank Marino and Mahogany Rush. Wow.

Poco. Damn. It was just an all-day festival, one of those 12 o'clock. Yeah. Errol Smith has taken the stage at 7. And I got to tell you something right now. The band I was excited,

like my friends were excited for Ted. I was more excited for Aerosmith. I was a fan of, at that time, I was a fan of rocks. and the one with Big Ten Inchon and Toys in the attic I don't even know what the fuck I was a fan of. But I wasn't a fan of get your wings yet. Okay.

All right, that's the second. That became my all-time favorite. I went down there and Erasmith was so fucking bad. Journey was amazing. Journey didn't miss a note. Aerosmith went off and fell apart at the seams. Everybody else was great. Then they broke the guitar.

Like, for no reason. You didn't do nothing to excite me to break the fucking guitar. and then Ted went on and just destroyed 10 was in this prime 76 77 prime that you know I remember walking home and feeling bad for a businessman but going back to see them like I went back to see them some other time and just as bad no just as bad like when they released night at the ruts a little bit before night at the ruts and then they released night at the ruts and they fell apart Joe Perry left Brad Whitford left right And I went to see him again.

But now, guys, it wasn't the stadium and it wasn't a theater in the city. It was the same bars that Twisted Sister. Holy shit, dude. And all these people were playing. It was called the Soap Factory in Richfield Park or Family Park, one of those parks, New Jersey. Yeah. And he was awful. Really?

I mean, the tickets were like $12 or something. Damn, dude. And it was him with the new guitar player, the new bass player. And they were just fucking, he was high. Wow. And what I remember the most from that night is there was a guy standing in front of me. And he was nodding on heroin. And he kept having a cigarette his hand.

But it was 1977, 76, 78, and it was the age of the halter top. Only old people know it is. A halter top is a tube that a woman gets into. And she doesn't wear a bra under that tube and the tits would be banging. you'd see the nipples, but the back would be exposed. Yeah. So every time this junkie would nod, I'd push him into the girl. And he would burn her back with a cigarette.

And the girl would turn around and haul off and smack the guy. This went on like eight times. He burned the different broad. Girls would go, Jesus Christ, you'd hurt me. They would move. And every time the guy nod, I'd push him into a broad. You get smacked again. This went on with the warm-up act for like 30 minutes.

Then we had to wait for Aerosmith to set up, and we started doing it again. I started pushing the guy again. Finally, on one of those nods, he just fell. Out and people started stepping on him. I mean, there were a violent Jersey crowd. They were stepping on him. He never said stop pushing me? Nothing.

He didn't even know. He would just fall. He would fall asleep and get into a crouch position. Right there, I would just bump into him. Like nothing happened. He would fall over and burn the girl with the cigarette. And then the girl would wake up. him up smack him he would straighten

up all right I won't smoke two minutes later there he is back out of it again and me and my buddy would be eyeball him with three nods we'd watch him nod push him into the chick burn him this went on and then finally he passed out and people started kicking him oh my god erosmith takes the stage

Stephen Tyler is up there he's fucking done he's skinny you can see it but he was like shit they're done wow you knew they were done This has to be 79, 80. Done.

And brother, it ended up with him getting punched in the face 20 times and him running offstage. Holy fuck. And that was it. Arrow Smith was done. Wow. Errol Smith was done. I'm in Colorado three years later in a hotel with a chick,

and I'm watching MTV and MTV News goes up to Boston. And they go, we're in a high school where rumors are reporting that Aerosmith is getting back together again. Yeah. And they went through rehabs and they were all. And they couldn't show them. It showed like them cutting through a glass and trying to get a peek of Erroring. And you could hear them.

Wow. And that was it. Arrow Smith released an album called Done With Mirrors. That was hot garbage. Hot garbage. It came out 85, maybe it was just hot garbage. They had a song that Joe Perry had written called, it was the name of his album. Who knows?

It was just a god-awful album. and then run DMC comes into the picture does walk this way and they get fucking a life resurgence they ended up making more money than what they did on the first fucking turnaround because now they knew what they were doing that brought them back that brought them back big time and right there when I'm watching Tyler on Rogan I'm seeing this all this is coming back to me going

this is the reason why yeah look at him he's 70 years old and he's a fucking savage yeah he never gave me up. And even when they were talking about doing iwaska, and he goes, I would never do it because it would that trigger. That means you're very, you know who the fuck you are. Exactly. It takes years to really find out who the fuck you are. I'm not going down because I'm going to smack somebody. And that dude survived it, man. I mean, he's been through it all and he's still standing. And I think, I mean, he's, he's sharper than ever right now. You know, he's more coherent and more on top of it than he was back in the day, dude,

because they went through some fucked up times where they were just, I mean, I've seen that firsthand with a lot of my friends, and it's not pretty. You know, it's not pretty to watch that and to see somebody talented who is just on the brink of just fucking completely losing everything. And he drops in your life? Never.

Really? Mm-mm. No marijuana, no alcohol. Never smoked, never drank. Never done any drugs, aside from when I'm in the hospital. But that's about it. You happy? Very.

That decision was always a good one. Yeah. And it's, I mean, you know, I don't, I don't, you know, look down on anyone for doing anything. I don't judge anyone for anything. It just worked for me. And there's no real reason behind it other than I was just never curious about it. That's like really the reason. Mom, dad, drugs?

No. They, no, I mean, my dad would have a few beers a year. They didn't smoke. They didn't do any drugs. So I never really saw that. But, I mean, you know, growing up in a, with Mexican, you know, relatives, I mean, all my uncles. I mean, typical, you know, Mexican family just uncles always hammered. And, you know, it was something I grew up with and saw.

But it never, it just never interested me. I was honestly too focused on music from the time I was six years old, because that's when I realized this is what I was going to do. I honestly had just tunnel vision, and I didn't, I saw what it was doing to some of my friends who just didn't have any control and were just going off the deep end. And it kind of like made me think, fuck, you know, if I do that, I'm going to end up like that and I'm going to lose focus on what I'm here to do. and I mean I knew at an early age that this is what you know I was gonna try to do how were you when you knew music was six six you knew I knew when I heard Kiss Alive that was that was it man that was the record that did it for me at that point I was like when I heard Kiss Alive I honest I remember telling my cousin who was five years older than me

who played it for me I remember telling him this that's what I'm gonna do like this is what I'm going to do. And that was honestly, I mean, the, the, my own, has been my only focus since then. So that's a, that's a big part of why I guess I didn't do anything because I honestly felt like if I do that, I'm going to, I'm just going to have no control and just, you know, end up going off the deep end. What was the first instrument you picked up? Guitar. It, uh, it was like 10. And then what did you move on to? Always stayed on the guitar, but I mean, I thought you play the bass. Yeah, I taught myself how to play the bass.

I played some drums. I taught myself keyboards. I played the saxophone all through junior high and high school. And I was fucking, dude, I was in a marching band, and I was in the fucking, I was like a total band geek in school. And so I played the sax for six years and shit like that. But the guitar has always been my main instrument. You know, I read an article after you were on the show the first time. I hate when somebody comes on the show.

and I find out so much more about them afterward. There was an article you did an interview of your writing process. I didn't know you were Grammy nominated all this shit. You know, there was just so many little things I didn't know about it. I felt ashamed. But once I got to see it like on the mandolin and all that stuff, you know, whatever you the fuck you have. Yeah, kind of shit.

Pick it all up, dude. Yeah, it's just you're an interesting fucking, you know, man, nobody's interesting anymore. Like people, if they are, interesting they're faking the funk to me yeah you know people think they're interesting when they talk politics and they show you how smart they are right you could tell how fucking ignorant they are you know you're like this is what you want to talk about yeah it's on the news every night from six to six 48 exactly I

need this shit in my life from you you know so it's weird when somebody's genuinely interesting from the heart that you go fuck send us that I appreciate you know I love when I find little shit not about people like no all right Right, Stephen Tyler. When you see a guy like Stephen Tyler, you look at the other guy, Pirate of the Caribbean. And he's a fucking fake in the funk motherfucker. Totally. Like if you can't tell by seeing that, when you see, you know, like that's the first person I thought of.

Because I've seen him walking around. It's a big, you know, he's been living in this fantasy, Johnny Depp, for 25 years. It's almost, dude, when I see people like that, and not just him, but like other people, it's almost like, they're putting on a costume or something. And they want to like play that role. And you can see the difference. I mean, that's a great comparison there between Stephen and him.

You see Steve, you get the sense that Stephen, that's no outfit, that's no costume that is, that's who he is. And then you see other guys like that. And you're like, yeah,

you know that that guy was like, okay, what am we going to wear today? What am I going to put on to try to make people think I'm this or, you know, give them that perception that I'm you know a certain way when truly they're not you're a Hollywood party by mistake and you're in there six minutes I have and you're asking yourself

what the fuck the fuck yeah I have and the like for me first I ask myself that question but then it's the second question you know what that question is maybe it's not even the question the statement that comes out of my brain is maybe it's you that's fucked up so now I turn to Lee on two edibles. I stand there with my foot on the wall, I have fucking going through anxiety attack, asking myself why I'm not like these people. How come I could wear an orange shirt

and put grease in my hair and come down here with an entrance and make believe I'm somebody I'm not. Why can I do that? Like I said, I went to this, I'm dying up here, put me in a few episodes and they invited me to like this party. They invited me to the rap party

and stuff. I was out of town. You know, when somebody put you, a few episodes. Jesus Christ. The least you could do is show up, wave. They had little finger food and I could bring a guest. Let me take my wife out on a date.

It's a Monday night I killed two birds and one stone. Number two, we'll stop and get Cuban food because the thing is in Hollywood. So we'll kill that fucking need to get some black beans and rice. And I do it right. And then we go to a party. If the food sucks, you're not sitting there going on all the food sucks. You knew the food

was going to suck. They're fucking geeky white people in Hollywood. They're going to get you know mango wrapped you know guava whatever well where's the cheeseburgers where's the fucking steak alamoid where's the fucking you know but you get there and they have something completely different you know right we have uh what's the new thing those french fries they give you truffle fries no the other ones that the sweet potato oh sweet you come at me with a sweet potato french fry we're gonna have a fucking problem all right don't bring a sweet potato it's the one thing i agree with you on they had pizza that weren't bad but right away we have

goat milk goat cheese pizza why can it just be regular mozzarella pizza yeah give me the one with the regular cheese no we don't have it then they bought wings what that won't eat out no more yeah because they're just nasty no one makes it were they like pigeon wings or something yeah they're like pigeon wings you know if you're gonna eat a wing go to buffalo take the fucking still with the note attached yeah on there dude yeah and then you bro i saw something the other day that was creepy as shit i saw them finally washed a grill at 7-11 yeah that ice is grill that i This is fucking juice that comes out of those hamburgers. That poor little Hindu is behind there holding his eyeballs and shit.

Those fumes and those hot dogs. They're not hot dogs. Those things will kill you. The only hot dogs that are good or the Oscar Meyer ones. I think they took out and fucking just put regular ISIS dogs now. Stretch out of the Philippines. They got fucking dog noodles and eyeballs in them and shit. They got everything.

Have you looked in those little see-through fucking croquettas they have? No, I haven't any. Go to 7-11 and stop. stand online just to look at what's in there and just play guess what's in that. Guess the food. Guess what's in that fucking rap. You could see it's coming right through. Like if you eat that, you will fucking take an ambulance ride for 1800. Do you think that going back to the people who kind of fake the funk? Do you think they go home and they're someone different or do you think they would just turn themselves?

When they go home, they fucking cry. You think so? They go home and cry. You think Johnny Devin is crying? They go home. cry some part of their life has to be dark because they really can't be or they want to be that's a weird thing for some people having to go home you know people who actually go out there and go hmm what could i attach myself to maybe i'll attach myself to gay people hang out with gay people

and that looks cool because i hang out with gay people oh make me fucking cool i read right through it now then there's the people one day go you know what i think i'm like become a rocker if you're not a rock in high school you're never going to be a rocker I knew you were a rock a chick when you were 16. This is a chick on Facebook. I've been talking to her, you know, a daughter's aspiring, so I've been going back and forth with her. She was a rocker in high school.

Yeah. When we were 16, she was sucking 18, 19-year-old dick. Some of you played the bass in the band, you know, and I wasn't mad at her. I ain't madder. She's getting quality dick at fucking 15. She's blowing the guy in the town show. Yeah, she's getting into the fucking bars of the 21.

Yeah. But still, I'm not mad of her. That's what you do. You're into bands. But she's a stoner. These chick. Now they just wear like, you know, like when they had those concerts now in the desert. Coachella.

The Coachella. Okay. What? You know what it is? It's rich kids who go buy a shirt. They don't know nothing about the band. Nothing. Nothing.

They never, you know, a big thing that happened last week was they were talking about how your boy, 9-inch nails, did something this year for this tour. He fucking made people go down and buy the tickets physically and stand online and from the commit no fucking online ticket sales wow because he wanted to bring it back to the old school and i like that i'm like you know what bro that sounds like a ballsy fucking move that's those your fans off but no it doesn't it makes your real fans yeah time into you but that you know that the tickets are still now they're oh dude they're they're they're they're i'm sure they're online and like they're already you know nine inch nails yeah yeah somebody yeah it's different to

stand online it's a lot easier if I tell you to be a scalper and you have to just buy 20 chunks online go stand down there and show your face it's kind of creepy yeah so I think in a way it's yeah well I remember that's what it was like back in the day yeah like you had to go to the fucking box office and like I mean that's what we did how old do you didn't know my 49 so you I still dude I remember back in the 70s dude that's what I used to do man I still remember you know sending a check-in a money order so you could order four tickets yeah yeah let's remember okay you could order four

tickets so ministry was playing Thursday Friday Saturday me you and Lee would get together he would send in a check for Thursday I'd send a check for Friday you send the check in for Saturday we're partners on the deal yeah we might get Thursday and Saturday which we'll take yeah but at least we've got a chance so now we're definitely going God forbid all three of us get tickets and we go Thursday Friday Saturday it was the treat back then right so you had the mail but they Then you also had standing online. Pink Floyd DeWall, I went right to Ticketron.

$15.50. Fucking Ticketron. You know, the other day, Eddie Trunk was talking about how the guy would turn around and go into a card file and show you what seats were available. Right, right. I remember I had goosebumps when Eddie Trunk was talking about. I'm like, oh, my God. I used to go to this place called Things from England. It's still there, Cliffside Park, New Jersey.

If you didn't want to go to the garden, he would have the tickets. He'd charge you a little big. Yeah. Ten bucks for going into the city, it was worth it. You got me tickets for ten bucks? Go. Here, I'll pay the $23. No.

I can go over there, stand like an animal, and pay the toll, and play hooky and get caught and get robbed and go to a peep show. But you know what? Maybe get blown. Yeah. Call it a day, dude. I would never get blown at that age. Like, I was trying to get my dick sucked at 12, 13. Like, everybody's trying to get their dick sucked.

We would go to a little strip club, right, right off of, it was right in Manhattan, right off Broadway. They didn't give a fuck how old you were back then. They just didn't give a fuck. Yeah. And I remember them calling us and you could sit on the girls' lap. And our job was to just feel them up as much as we could until the tab came. And then because then the girls that would go, would you buy me a drink? And while you're waiting for the drink, you're feeling their tits.

You're like 13. You're like a barracuda. You got hands all over them. You're like Cosby Times 18. You're like Cosby with Harvey. And the girls never said like, hey, this little kid, touch my teeth. Nothing. That you're grabbing that pussy.

Then the drink comes and it's like $40. And you're like, I ain't got $40. Get the fuck out of here. You just felt her up. Fing it. You didn't really finger. You fingered it through the jeans. And when you're 13, that's good enough for me.

That's enough, dude. I wouldn't wash my hands for two, three days. If I put my hand between your crotch and I got some of that pussy juice at a strip club, what a disgusting. These women were disgusting. Disgusting. I was no fucking prize catch either. I was 13 with a half a bozo hair do on my dick. The top was empty, but the sides were full. Who wants to suck a 13 year old dick? Nobody wants to suck a 13 year old dick. 14 maybe. Once you get that hair, you get one those school teachers to suck your dick or a fucking babysitter. I never got a babysitter to suck my

dick. One time when I was like six, I had a Puerto Rican babysitter. I asked her to suck my dick. She told me she'd suck my dick. At six? Oh my god. I went and took a shower and everything. I hated showers when I was six. Hated them. Hated them. You got ready for her? Oh, I put colon on.

I put a gold chain on. I put some underwear on. I went back to my room. Your good underwear? A robe. My name was Dita, and she was Puerto Rican. And fucking, she went back in the room and blew on my stomach. But I gave her, like, a bag full of chain.

She told me for the small 20. She would suck my dick. Really? So I gave me like a bag full of nickels. You didn't pay for a blood job and coins. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. And she took it.

it and she told me that was it i'm like listen though you know i'm gonna fucking kill you and that morning i feel my whole life for that till this fucking day i think whatever i think about this it's when i'm in the playground with my daughter i'm looking at it i must have been i must have been six six and a half damn i remember like waking my mom up that morning like mama i gotta talk to you and my mom putting on the sandals you know hung over right poor denora I don't know over as fuck you know she just walked in at 3 30 the bar closes at 3 right we were living in new york city she used to get home but a quarter to four for that and i would wake her up like at 7 30 it'd make me breakfast and and go off on her about whatever happened the night before with the babysitter

that poor woman i'll never forget her making me like eggs or something i don't know what she would make for breakfast in those days that i would eat and me look and i go on this i I got to talk to you by son. And she said, what happened? I said, I gave Tee to 20 bucks last night. And coins. Like my Ma La Pinga.

You know, I was trying to tell her in English to loosen the pain. And I didn't really know that much English. So I'm like, Ma, I gave Tita 20 bucks to give me a blowjob, you know, to suck my dick. And my mom's going to like, What do you say, Antonio? What are you talking about?

I'm like, Ma. I gave $20 pesos. Me said, me a little bit of a pinga. So don't me a mola pina. being guy. My mom's like, are you fucking crazy? It's a quarter of eight. And you're talking about getting your dick. You were six years old. I'm like, that's the point.

She told me she was going to suck. Now I'm going off in Spanish. And my mom's like, you're not saying this to me at fucking 7.30 in the morning that this poor babysitter. And then she woke her up. Like, dude, I got to look at the other. What's he saying? And she's like, he asked me for a blowjob, and I told him, I took his money.

That's not the way they talked to a lady. And my mom's like i agree and i'm like fuck that i'll kill the right fucking hour in his sleep and they were scared of me like at that time my mom knew i was good my dad had died i was like i got in there with a flashlight with a lunch box i was going off the fucking rail i was taking karate and shit so my mom knew i was serious i know if you don't give me the 20 hours right now fucking stab it tomorrow night my i'm like you know what i'm gonna give you the 20 don't talk to no more just stay the fuck away from i didn't talk to that bitch for like a year though wow she took my 20 yeah damn Yeah. Anything like that ever happened to you Lee? No, no. I can't. I like where were you gonna get a knife when you talk? I just imagine you like on like on top of the table with like a knife like yelling at your mother in Spanish. Oh, yelling at it from the top of my lungs. She better get my fucking money. I'm gonna fucking cut her and all this shit and my mom's like a straight razor or something. I don't know who knew who knew what the fuck was going on? You know who the fuck knew? And then when I was about 14 no.

When I was about 13, she was still up my stepfather. She brought a chick home for me one night. When I was about 13 in the 8th grade, they brought a woman home one night. They put me up in the middle. They're like, gone downstairs. Having my bar mitzvah, 13. And I'm downstairs, and then all of a sudden, the guys are down there from the bar. They're like, oh, yeah, go wash up and put like a suit on.

This chick and suck your dick. And I'm like, come on. Really? Yeah, your mother brought home for you to suck your dick. So I went upstairs. I took my pajamas off and shit. I got a little suit on. Yeah, I came back like fucking Piacard dance.

I started dancing with a, when I touched the pussy the first time, I got like dizzy dog. Yeah, like I got dizzy. Yeah, you're still wearing pajamas. I took her upstairs. And so this day, I don't remember if I fucked her. If I passed out,

I think I just passed out from the anxiety. Dude, that first time that that happens, dude, it's like your head just gets fucked up. It was terrible. Like, you don't know what the fuck happened. How old were you the first time you fell in love? Like, in love and you were heartbroken

that you still remember that bitch's name today and if you were bump into it in the Sherman those Galleria you might hit her in the heck because she fucked your shit up for two years and shit. I was probably well 19 maybe. And she broke your heart?

Yeah. How'd she break your heart? I mean it was just the typical you know breakup kind of thing and she ended up like she was you know with someone else behind my back kind of thing and I found out about it. I heard it was because that was the first one.

You know what I mean? That was like really like that. And so I mean, that's really, it wasn't a huge thing. But for me back then, when it's the first chick that you're really in love with, and you find that kind of,

you know, you find out that kind of shit. It's pretty fucking, you know, traumatic at that age and you're like, fuck everything. I just want to die and like everything sucks. And, you know,

it just fucked up, dude. And, and, the skinny bitch broke my heart when I was about 12 she just fucked me up i got left back i mean i got fuck stop going to karate

really and she wasn't even here's the dumb thing like i felt till this day i still feel bad talking about it because i was such an asshole like i deserved it like i bought into love and roses i took her and her grandmother to a movie who does that like two or three

times i had to take the grandmother to the movie if i knew what i knew today i would have fucking stabbed them by i would have the grandmother sucked my dick Well, I would have fingered the grandmother at the movie theater. That's how crazy. While you watched Caligula. Yeah, I don't give a fuck.

You're going to take $4 and cop it on my action. I'm trying to feel up your granddaughter here. And you're over here playing fucking Rocco the Cop. Yeah. About you, Lee. How old were you? I was young. I was like maybe six.

And we didn't even, I was so. Six. No, no, no. No, like sixth grade. Like six, seventh grade. She was like, not my neighbor, but pretty much. You know, how? How long have you been asking me to take walks, Joey?

We would take walks every fucking day with our dogs. I touched her boobs, but I was way too scared to do anything with her. And then years later, she said she had a crush on me too, but, and of course, looking back, I should have tried to kiss or something, but I was just so... Take it what, like 12, 13? Something like that, yeah. She gave me a lap dance once. How old were you when she gave me a lap dance?

This was the lap dance. I had a front door that stepped up, and I laid down on my front, on the floor of my house, And she just kind of, like, grinded on me for, like, two seconds. How old were you? I don't know. She moved away, like, in high school, so maybe 13, 14. Like, that was it, though. Like, it was, like, two seconds.

It wasn't, she didn't take anything off. It was, it was in the middle of the fucking day. I just had trees around my house. But she was hot. Shit, that's more action than I, I didn't get any. No, I had no fucking action. I didn't kiss or I didn't do anything. I just, she just kind of jiggled around for a second.

That's more action that I'd fucking. had, dude. I didn't have any, I didn't, I didn't get any until I was 17. Oh, I didn't have which was late. Yeah, 19, 2020. Like late compared to like my friends and shit like that who were all like, they'd already gotten, you know, late at 14, 15, you know. I don't count that shit. I was like, that disgusting shit. I don't count my police record. I was like, you know, because like, when was the first time you got laid that you were in love? That's when it counts for me. Then I was, took me to a hookah house one time. Yeah. And it was. It was disgusting.

Yeah. You know, yeah, you got your dick suck, but it was under fucked up circumstances. She was half asleep on a quailude, something. You know what I'm saying? There was always something. Bill was in the room. Yeah, something was going on. Like, I got caught fingering this girl one time.

I'm fingering the front yard. And her father goes, you got to come in. And he's like, now. And my hands down her fucking pants. And the father knew it. I was fingering her outside. Smoke was coming. It was like 10 degrees.

And you can see a pussy had like heat coming out of you. Because I was fingering and like, a fucking soul machine. That was a soul machine. We live in a soul machine neighborhood, and you would hear those soul machines going off, and I go, Jesus Christ, I want to finger bang somebody with that intensity.

With that rhythm. With that fucking rhythm. I was in the eighth grade. I had her out there. They were German and they hated Spix and Niggas. The father and the brother were fucking, they hated fucking Spix and niggers. The father, the brother would say it to me.

Spix and niggas, you know, all dies. And look, but when I think, of his sister he lost all face like even now he won't friend me on Facebook because bitch how's it feel I was finger-banging your sister to death and shit you weren't talking much about spigs back dead and shit you send him a little video of a sewing machine yeah yeah yeah that's why if you're racist you better not have a sister yeah yeah I was late man I felt for me it felt late losing yeah for a while I how old did you say you were I was in college or my first year of college or yeah or no I'm

It was my second year of college. How were you the first time you fringed a woman? Oh. I don't even, to be honest, I don't really remember. I didn't, I did that before. It was probably 18, maybe sometime in college. I didn't do anything. I had sex before.

I didn't do anything in high school. I had a woman really sucked my dick. Like, I had had sex, and I was old already. Like when I messed around with Gina, I was 16 or 15 or 16. But we didn't do nothing. We just stuck it in a hole, and I moved it around. I shot a load, and she was bleeding a little bit. I didn't take anyone's virgin any.

But it was crazy that after I got my heartbroken, that time, I became a piece of shit. For like two or three years, I was just banging chicks virgins. And then I would call them up and date, break up with them on the phone. I was cold-blooded. I dated two girls that were crying on the phone. I'm like, I'm not dating anymore. Once I busted that hyman, I would send them like a to-go car. It was terrible.

I think I remember the first time I figured. I think I might have been 18, 17, 18. I met her on Craigslist. I forgot about that. God damn. We dated. I actually dated someone from Craigslist. She picked me up from the train.

I was in college. Oh, my God. And she was like, I'm not going to come home with you, but I'll give you a hand job and you can finger me. So that was, I was 18. Jesus Christ. Wait a minute. So you, you met her on Craigslist? Oh, yeah.

I was nerdy as fuck. I was, yeah. But like, what, you were like looking for a girlfriend? Yeah, for not even. like hooking up to be honest i was just so shy that i was before online dating really wow so yeah we didn't have that back in the day man we did it old school like there was no it was nothing like that dude it was like oh i heard i heard so-and-so was like doing so-and-so so you might want to oh everyone else was i just i wasn't doing i i was so fucking

shy i know what happened i know exactly what happened like i fooled around and i got taken to a hook house and after that I was very careful and very selective and shit like that and I worked as a doorman in a massage parlor for Louis Donato one summer and he got me like a blowjob

from some crazy chick and still I don't count it because you know what man it wasn't really somebody who cared about you you care about them and so weird and then I fell in love with a girl and I had sex with it and it was weird that I was in love

but we had the sex and after that we didn't see eye to eye Like we were in love for four years We had sex And that was in that Just once? That changed my outlook Yeah

Well We had sex like two nights And that changed my outlook On after that I was 20 19 I was headed out there And now I knew the game Right

There's no way you could snap me It changed It was weird Yeah It was very weird How it came and went And how you reacted But after those two relationships

I was That's it. I was done with it in my mind. Yeah. I thought I knew how to treat women and the whole fucking deal. And I was still not ready. Because I think I got married at 25, 89. I don't know how 89 is.

I was 26 when I got married. And I was not ready for marriage. There was no fucking way. Yeah. Were you ever married? Never. Anybody come close? I was proposed to once.

But it did. didn't, obviously didn't work out. Like it was, um, Jesus, this was probably, uh, like 20 years ago maybe.

I was probably like around your age, dude. And were you in a band already? Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. Traveling on the road. I was,

I was, uh, in local, I was in regional bands. Like I was band, I was in bands that was that, you know, we would tour like,

you know, in the states, like the southern states or up north and shit like that. Original music? Yeah, but it was before, like, my first record deal. So I was on the verge of getting signed with my first deal. And this particular girl had never dated someone in a band, and she was extremely jealous.

And I, you know, I was definitely not ready for it at the time either. And we were just, I think we'd been dating for like a year or something like that. And she just like when I proposed to me like fucking ring in the whole bit. And I was like, fuck. Like we just got out to dinner, man. And we went back to her place. And she just broke that out. And I was like, fuck, I was not expecting that.

And so I told her I had to think about it, which is basically no. And it wouldn't have worked out anyways because we were just two different people. And, you know, she was just like, if she just saw. girls around me she was already like blowing up and fuming and shit like that and it's tough you know in this business and and and being that age

and you know just getting my career started I remember you heard of someone getting proposed to before that's the coolest thing I've ever heard what year did you join ministry 12 years ago 2006 wow and you write a lot of shit I read too yeah yeah a lot of the music 100% to write. Thank God, yeah. I heard him on Burr, and he was interesting too.

Oh, yeah, dude, Bill came to our rehearsal. When was that? A few months ago. Yeah, three, four months ago. We were rehearsing here in North Hollywood, and Bill came down because Al had done his show, and he got behind your kid, didn't he for a little bit? No, but at the first show in Amazon. No, but at rehearsal, he was like, he was kind of behind your kit and shit like that. But yeah, I mean, when I first came on board with ministry, he flew me out to Texas because he was living in El Paso at the time. And that's where he had a studio. And he was just like, yeah, I want you to help me, you know, write the new record.

And I didn't know I'd never written with him before. So I didn't know how much writing I was going to get in. And like the first day, I showed him one of my riffs. And he's like, yeah, that's, you know, it's cool. Call me when it's done. And he leaves the studio. And it's just me and this engineer who I just met. And I basically, like, recorded all the music to this one song.

I did all the guitars. I did the bass. I did some of the keyboards. And, like, two or three days later, he came back. And he's like, all, let me hear what you got. And so he heard it. And he's like, awesome. He's like, what else you have?

So I played him another idea. And he's like, cool, call me when it's ready. And he leaves again. And so I ended up, like, writing. half of that album, like the music to half of that record. I played the guitar on that entire record. And so that was like my first record with him. And I thought I was just going to write that record. But as soon as I finished that one, he was like, I want you to do this cover cover up record. And so I stayed another like month and I did that one. And then I did a Revolta Cox record with him as well.

And that cover up record is the one that got me my first Grammy nomination. And that was fucking 12 years ago, dude. I did like three records in a row out in Texas. And then we started rehearsing and we went on tour. And I mean, I've been with them ever said. I don't even know how many records I've done with them now. Probably like five or six or something like that. And yeah.

How does it take you a writer's song? Once you put your head to that song and know exactly where you're going. It always varies. Sometimes it's already written in my head. And I literally just pick up a guitar or something, and it just kind of comes out. And then other times I have a general idea, but I have to kind of work on it. And it could take like weeks, you know. But usually, like, say today, if I decide I want to write a song, I could probably have something written by the end of the night.

Whether it's any good or not. Lyrics? No, I just do music. Yeah, I only do music. They just do music. Yeah, Al does all the. all the lyrics and shit. And that's been the case with all my bands.

I've always just done the music. So you can do music without knowing what the songs like. So they based like the energy of the song off of whatever you just did and then they write lyrics to it. Correct. Oh, very cool. I thought it was the other way around. Which is, well, some writers do lyrics and then do the music according to that.

But in all the bands that I've ever been in, it's always been music first. And then, you know, like the singer, the lyricist will get, uh, he usually have a, lyrics kind of set in mind and he'll be like oh okay this should go well with this type of music and shit like that crazy yeah but i mean it's been like that i've been writing songs since i was 10 11 years old what's your i mean it's some people don't like this question but what's your favorite part do you like writing playing troring like what's your favorite thing that do record um it's tough to answer writing writing gives me a different high uh but it's between writing and performing. Not so much touring, but actually being on stage and performing.

Really? Yeah, it's those two things. Writing gives me just as much of a high as performing does, but it's different. It's a different kind of high because when you're performing, like, you've got, you know, the crowd right in front of you and they're giving you that energy. And when you're writing, I mean, it's just you, but it's a different high that you get. You know, when you realize that you're creating something and that literally like you start out with a blank slate and it's for me at least it's really exciting to just feel that that energy coming through me that I'm writing I'm creating something and I know that in a few hours I will have this kind of thing that I've created from nothing and so that's equally as much of a

high as performing I think it was the last time it came uh what was they we watched that document around Netflix about and I forget the time hired guns hired guns hired guns so if you were hired gun you'd feel like you'd like it but there'd be a piece missing but i miss writing like it's it's not enough just to play i mean i i don't know that i would feel something's missing because um you're you're still playing which is something that i mean that's you love to do so i mean i've been a hired guy many times and i don't feel like anything's missing i just love writing you know um a lot and not everybody writes you know everybody people there are guys out there that just play. They're just in bands and they just play their instrument and, you know, okay, here's the

music, learn this. And that's great. You know, that's fine. I mean, those guys are still feeling that high because they love playing and shit. But for me, it's like, it's everything that's involved from the, from the, you know, starting point of having nothing to seeing it, you know, the end result, you know, on stage in front of like, fucking 50,000 people. It's like, it's a trip to be up there sometimes when we're playing something that I wrote at home with my acoustic guitar that, you know, like eight months a year, you know, before that there was nothing. And now, you know, all these people are like fucking pumping their fists and singing back stuff that, you know, we, we wrote.

So it's pretty fucking cool, man. I mean, it's a huge high. You're such a beautiful guy. You're like to watch you play a guitar on stage. I mean, I've seen a lot of guitar players that just, I feel it with you. You're into it. You know, the big thing around here is when you commit, the universe takes care of you. And, you know, like, I've watched movies and had friends that have been in bands that have been cover bands.

And obviously to break out, you have to write your own original material. Sure. But when you're playing Poughkeepsie, New York on a Friday night, they don't give a fuck about sins music. Which we have played Poughkeepsie. Yes. Yeah. They don't really give a fuck about, this is about a girl I met when I was having a mocha latte

in Hollywood last summer. You know, this is a little song for you, a little ditty for you. People get pissed. Yeah. They come back from that show. Like, I went to see Santana. He talked about political shit the whole fucking time.

He didn't play black voodoo woman or whatever. You know, black magic woman, you know. So it's such a fucking, again, if you're a comic, you want to just perform like I did for, 10 years, there's a stage for that. Yeah. And you can write on the run and take chances on stage. There's a market for that.

Yeah. But to get to the upper level, just like in music, they want to know what's in your heart, what's in your mind and how you stand with it and what, you know, okay, you told us that joke, it's dirty, but why do you feel that way? Right, right. It's funny, I'm a week away from taping a Netflix special. Is that the one you're doing in Vegas? In Vegas.

28 minutes. You know, I've had an hour for a year. And I said, this is not what I'm doing. I'm using this is what I'm using I get on stage next Monday at seven I just want to tell you people that I got 20 minutes I still got eight minutes of missing mm-hmm and I don't give a fuck sure like I don't give a fuck yeah it's gonna work because you commit to the universe of course and the universe and every day my wife got me an iPad for Christmas and the first time I've written on an iPad completely

different ballgame like now I could move shit like now I see it no bright I got one page for that particular bit now you see the bit, so it's like flashcards. Wow. So it's a different experience. I've been doing comedy for 27 years, and you're still learning something. Sure.

So when I saw all this big stuff about you writing, I was like, that energy for years. I could write a joke on stage. Yeah. And I pray that Lee's there, taping it, or Lee goes, hey, don't forget that joke about fucking the bunny

and lightning on fire. It was great, whatever. You know, but most of the time, I throw away more, good jokes that movies right on stage yeah just going up there high just talking i you know i could go flowing now i could do it every night i just don't want to do it because you pay 25 bucks right i don't want to take that chance right follow me so it's just really weird the energy you get from writing i didn't even know energy existed until i read the stephen king book on writing and he broke it down

about the energy that you get and that's when i really got into it sure and i wrote a few things uh for the you know that aren't any fucking good but i still felt that energy going through my veins as i was writing it which means there's something there i'm not looking at it the right way that's all that means because once you feel that energy you're in the right fucking direction definitely music has always destroyed me that that's where i tip my hat no i feel that anybody could write a good joke music is the one that as you're writing and i look at you in the studio and go this is going to be on the radio Yeah, I mean, it's, I feel the same with, with writers or guys that do lyrics or write, you know, jokes, scripts, stuff like that.

That to me is like, fuck, those guys have a gift. To me, like, writing music, I'm like, anybody can do that. That's how I see it. So, um, it's a, it's a different thing that I wish I had, I wish I had really gone into more of the, the, the, the lyrical. part of writing as opposed to just music. But music, I mean, that's where it took me. You know, clearly that seems to be where, if you call it a gift, that's where it is for me, is writing music because that seems to come easy for me and natural more than anything. It's like, it's a natural thing for me to do. It's not like, I'm ever like, oh, man, I have to write something

and what am I going to do? It's not like that to me. It just happens. And I, I know that I totally understand what you're saying where, you know, you're missing eight minutes out of your act. But you know it's going to be there. I know it's that. I know it's there. I know it's there. I totally relate to that when I have something to do musically and I'm like, well, shit, I don't have X amount of time to do this. But I don't worry about it because I know that it's just going to happen.

I know it's there. And I know that when it's something that comes from the heart and it's something that is you, It just happens, man. You know, you don't have to like fucking worry about it and what am I going to do or shit like that because you know it's just who you are and you know that it's going to show up. You know, it's never failed me to this point. You know, many times where I've been like, I have to have this song written or I have to do this or whatever and it's not done. And I'm in the studio right now, you know, and the fucking clock's ticking. But I know that I'm going to have something written.

I know it's going to come. It's never failed me. It fails you if you don't do the work. Exactly. If you do the work, it won't know. Of course. That's how I feel. Of course.

Every day I'm sitting myself down and it's not forcing myself. No, it's not about that. It's just going home and going, you know what? Yeah. An hour would kill. Let me get down to the coffee shot and write this for an hour. Which that, I mean, I agree with you that I label that. That's part of the work process.

That's part of it. You've got to do that. You've got to have, you've got to put the work here. And I didn't know about this until five years ago. I didn't know. You got to put the work in. When I read The War of Art or whatever the fuck it is, the art of war, whatever the fuck it is,

it really opened my eyes to what needs to be done every day. Not what you want to do or what you don't want to do. Right. What needs to be done on a daily basis for you to be that person. Sure. You to be that guitarist, ministry. How much pressure comes with that? It can come with or without pressure.

Right. The pressure is if you just coexist. Right. And go hang out with Stephen. Nadler and talk about the G&R days. Then you're just going to be a sack of shit. Exactly. You hang around with donuts, you become a fucking donut eventually.

But if you go to the studio every day for two hours, even if you just go in, tune your guitars, play a couple licks, and just take that lick and play it, and then your girlfriend says, get home, I made pork chops. And you go home, that fucking one hour still amounts to something.

I agree. That's what I didn't know for years. I didn't know that one hour. That's why when I started learning about that hour, I utilized it because at first I was doing the comedy hour a pen in your mouth. And then you flip the pen over and you could taste a Coke you did two months ago through the fucking

big pen. You know what I'm saying? Your mouth is numb. Now you're trying to write. You feel like a Colombian farmer confused. It's the afternoon and you got a coke rush in your fucking mouth. And now you got to write a fucking joke or something and you don't write dick. Forty minutes

goes behind you go and you know what? I'm getting the fuck out of it. I'm going to go up a bag of dope or whatever. Yeah. What the fuck of this I do. Once I started sitting down and just going, okay, we don't have a joke to write. Let's write a story of the time me and sin went to Bakersfield and we got a flat on the 405. You'll think of it. You're right.

And while you're writing it, you go, oh, my God, there's a joke right there. Something's here. Boom. There you go. And now I'm transforming it into my act. And now you didn't waste an hour. Right. You didn't waste an hour.

Yeah. You have a page that you're just going to run. As soon as that clock starts, boom. You start writing your story. story. I totally, totally don't worry about the comments, don't worry about the pronunciation, you don't need to spell it, nobody's a spelling beat.

Just so you write it, and then you look at it, put the correction, and then rewrite it. And before you rewrite it, you'll think of a joke or a promise. I promise you. Because you're exercising the mind. Right. It's the same fucking thing. I agree that for me, it's like

every day, even if I just fucking grab my guitar and just strum a few chords on it. That's it. Tune it, whatever. I mean, some nights, you know, I try to write as much as I possibly can just because it's always there.

And I always try to just document, I record you know, a riff that I have in my head. I just record it. And that could be it. That could be all the work I do that day with music. But I know that within that riff, I'm going to go back to it and I'm going to hear

something, you know, just a part of it that will now trigger a song or trigger a different idea. But I think it's very important that you do that. You touch on that every day if you can. If you're if you're if you're if you're a guitar player pick up your guitar and just fucking play a little bit, you know, fucking if you if you feel inspired enough to write something, write something. Um, if you if you're not feeling the inspiration of a song, at least just fucking grab your instrument, just fucking play it. Just do something because I think you, you, for my experience, that keeps that flowing and it keeps that energy going.

I could never, like, completely walk away from the guitar and not touch it for weeks and shit like that. Like, I couldn't do that. Like, I don't think any of us could do that. Any of the guys in, you know, in what we do. Even when it comes to drums, the same thing. You got to get on them every day. Play them, put a little jam on.

Absolutely. Play over it a little bit. Yeah. It's just, I mean, I think it's, I think it's like, it's in a, our DNA and I think it's something that we just, it's in our blood and it's a natural thing for us. It's not anything that we look at. Like you said, like, oh, it's a chore. It's, it's, even though I call it work, I don't look at it. Like, you know what I mean? It's something that I'm dreading that I have to do. No, that's like, we never look at it like that, you know. And we get to do it. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. And then, I mean, with me, with writing, it's like I could be driving home. after this and hear some noise outside somewhere, you know, a car making a weird sound or whatever, and that will trigger something in me that'll stay in my head and I will go home and just riff something out either on the bass or on the guitar or I'll program something on the drums because if it's a rhythm that I heard or something like that, because I'll use whatever the fuck I have to start an idea. It doesn't always, just because I'm a guitar, it doesn't mean it always starts on the guitar. I've written songs entirely on bass. I've written songs. I've started songs with just a drum beat or a drum pattern. And so it can be triggered by anything, you know. And it, thank God,

it seems to flow and it hasn't stopped yet. So I'm hanging in there hoping it doesn't stop any. Right now, I'm writing a bio, like a bio for comedy. Yeah. To send the comedy clubs. I'm writing a bio. I'm trying to write a book or chapter. Yeah. And I'm trying to write stand up. And, I'm also starting to write my next special. Nice. Immigrant mentality. Every day I apply to something. I write jokes every day.

Yeah. But every day to get to the jokes, I go through one of those things. You put in the work. And it always catches. It always, so you're here an hour and a half. Go do something. And guess what? If I do that in the morning, I'll sit again at seven and something else will come to me.

And especially in the next couple weeks, the next week. Yeah. You know, looking for eight minutes. And I got eight minutes. I can throw any piece of junk in there. and make it new. Right. It's not that.

It's, I want the viewer to really see a pounding. I really want to see a pounding. Where's Tony Bennett at, Cuck, sucker? You're slipping. Churchill, what's happened now? Smooth. And I met Tony Bennett. I want to be around.

55 years, the song is. To pick up the pieces. When somebody breaks your heart. Some, somebody twice as smart as I somebody who will swear to be true. Let me give some shout-offs there to my man Matt Moore, A-Fird, X-95, Jack Jeffrey, my man, D in Colorado, Cletus Augustus, Deval, Colonel, Cecilia. T, snack, and Danny B. Sports. For all your sports information, go to Danny B. Sports,

tell him, Uncle Joey sent you. Let me ask you this, because you're like in 22 fucking different bands, which is great. I love it, because I was looking at that. That's another thing I want to talk to you about. So sometimes you're writing a song. At the end, you see the finished product. You're like, fuck out.

I'm not giving out of this masterpiece. I say that all the time, actually. I'm going to this guy. Yeah, fuck out. Let Al come up with his own. Let him get a ukulele and stay up all night. Go buy a $10 bag of meth and see how it is to write this shit out. Cox Sucker.

So every once in a lot, you write a song, do you feel it's for somebody else or a different plan you're playing with? That's the hard thing. Definitely. That's what you know. That's like for me, sometimes I think of a joke. I'm like, that's a little bit too much of a story for this fucking chapter and this joke. Yeah.

Like now I'm seeing, like, you take the ice house for me? I had to get rid of eight of those. jokes. It's too long to the punchline. Okay. We got a half hour. We're killing punchlines. It's eight a minute. And out. It's like fucking, you know, like a fucking sewing machine.

Whatever, what happens? Has it changed? Listening to music for you? Because now that I, like, it's sometimes I can't really watch specials because I'll just start writing and I'll have to turn the special off because I have to write the idea down and then I'm done. Do you, it's changed for me

in that usually when I listen to stuff now, I dissect everything. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And I hear the, like, okay, I hear what this instrument's doing. I hear what this is. Like, it's almost like you're tearing it apart. That's what it's like for me. And I have to actually try to turn that off when I'm listening to music so I can just try to enjoy the song. Because for me, that's what ended up happening is the more I wrote, the more I dissected stuff that I would just hear like on the radio. or an album or something like that.

So that's how it changed for me. And I have to like really try to not do that. Like I have to make a conscious effort to not do that so I can hear it as a whole, you know? Yeah, no, it's fresh. I, you can ask Joey, I love watching specials. And there's only been like a couple in the last, I've tried to watch a bunch in the last few weeks. I've had to turn them off. Yeah.

Either I don't like them as much anymore or I just, I don't let's see through the bullshit now. Right. Oh, okay. You see the smoke. You see the smoke now. So now you see that you look behind the curtain. Oh. So now it's completely different.

You know, it's like they say you don't want to really meet your heroes. Right. You know, it's the same fucking thing. Once you see behind the curtain, it's tough to watch fucking comedy anymore. Unless you watch it fucking live. Like, when I go to the comedy store early and I sit there, like, when I was talking about the fourth wall last night, sitting in the back and getting enamored by comedy is a great thing. Guess what?

And I'm doing a special. I'm telling you this, that the special doesn't capture the comic. It really doesn't. And they don't know what they're doing. They tell you they know what they're doing, but they don't know how they did it. Look at the fucking videos from the 50s with Lenny Bruce, and look at the specials today. I get more of those videos with Lenny Bruce. I just don't know how to shoot that way.

I don't know what they were shooting or how they were shooting it. They shot from the waist up. They kept the camera on that. They didn't move. Now they want to show the audience, the smoke, the people. It's too much. It's become too much of an artistic thing. Just shoot the fucking comic.

and learn how to get the maximum laughter out of it. They don't. They don't. So that's why when I see a special at my house yeah, I have a good time for 10 minutes. And then you see right there's never you'll never hear me on this podcast

telling you a special sucks or not because I feel the same way about all of them. The comic is being funny. Is his fucking patois coming through that lens? Not fucking really. It really does matter.

Not fucking really. Like being in with a crowd. So when I go to the original room, when I sit in Mitzie's Row and I sit back then, I watch Burr and Ron White and Hallie Wong and Chris DeLeia and Brenner and Steve Simone, I'm sitting

back there getting that full essence. You know, going, wow, now I got what I did see in the special. Right. He said that joke in the special. It sucked. This is great. live you get it live you start getting it

on video I hate all of them I'm not gonna lie I didn't tell you they're all fucking great I've seen some fucking garbage the last 10 years but not the comic they've made them garbage

because they take their focus off the comic you know can you believe there's no more live music when we were coming up it was cheap trick live at Boudiccan the song remains the same and there was one other one no who else

UFO UFO Spragers of the night Kissed in a bunch of them Yeah Who else did one that was really Fucking good So you're really

Kiss influenced Big time Big time Ace Freely's your man Ace Freely man Yeah fuck yeah No shit That was like my first guitar hero

Was Ace Freely Yeah And he deserves every bit of that merit I think he's phenomenal I mean he's fucking He's such a I mean He's

I feel underrated For what he For what he did he's not like a technical player but that's not his style like his he plays from the heart and it's fucking real you believe it like you believe every

he can hang on one fucking note and bend the shit out of it and it's it makes more of an impact than a guy fucking doing arpeggios at fucking a million miles an hour and this is all fucking under the influence exactly early hours if he could redo those I know

They would be masterpieces. And he's, I mean, he's out there again. He's going out with Alice Cooper, I think, in the next month or two. But he's fucking back. Opening for Alice. He's opening for Alice, like his own, like the Ace Frey Band, opening for Alice. And he's still fucking slaying it out there, man. And he's sober now.

He's been sober now. He's real serious about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And his playing is still fucking kick-ass, dude. Yeah. I love his interviews.

I've been trying to get him on the podcast. for years. He's hilarious. Because I think he's as funny as they come. He is, dude. He's as funny as they can. He's as funny. That would be awesome if you could get him. He's tough. He doesn't want to leave Costa Mesa, whatever the fucking goes down there. I know. I know that the one guy went down there,

they recorded two songs. Yeah. You know, I listened to all the kiss stuff. And like I said, I had a friend who was a kiss guy, me and him went to kiss and he died. Yeah, I remember telling me. I remember telling me. Yeah. So now, after 30 years I've let myself to allow myself to listen to Kiss again.

Yeah. Hear different interviews on Sirius A.m. radio. I get goosebumps and sure. But I remember how much I liked. Hey, like I remember the first time I heard I want you. I almost fucking sued. I almost stuck. Like I love all that shit.

Fuck yeah, dude. And who's your second most influential guitar play? Hendricks. No shit. Yeah. Third? Um, that'd be between.

Fuck. Either Rhodes or Trower. Robin Trowell. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, if we're talking old school, trower, of the newer, I would say Rhodes. Randy was fucking huge. Nobody talks about that guy from, what's that band? They have an album called Cricklewood Green. Love Like a Man.

I don't know. What the fuck is that guy's name that played the guitar? They played Woodstock. fuck um what what do you got love like a man uh 10 years after yes oh 10 years after what's the guitar player's name i remember the band something green something al something something 10 years after it's either alvin lee alvin lee oh dude he's a fucking he's a fucking sick he's a monster Like a dog. Monster guitar player.

Yeah. I mean, he wasn't, it wasn't, the band wasn't a band that I was. No, no, no, no. As into. Yeah, nobody is. But he's a fucking monster. Monster guitar player.

Yeah, no doubt about that. Now, was it you that was telling me Randy Rhodes? His mother was right down. Yeah, right here in North Hollywood. Yeah. Dolores. Yeah, we went to the same junior high. He went to Mirj Jr. High, which is the junior high I went to in Burbank.

I saw his mom a few times. at her house when she was still alive. But yeah, Randy was a fucking big influence, dude. You know, when I was like 13, 14, um, Rhodes just fucking blew me away.

The shit he was doing was just fucking out there. And, you know, to this day, I mean, just listen to those fucking, you know, that first out. Dude, that first time was, uh, every song, dude, every solo you remember it. It's all memorable. It's fucking the plane is, is amazing.

You know, my favorite solo is by him? goodbye to romance dude classic the romance the solo gets me every time

if I'm in a light and I hear that it takes me right back to whatever stupidity I was doing when that album came out

takes me right back dude takes me right back what a fucking highlight was for me was about a year or two ago I got to play there was a

because they do these Randy Rhodes tribute shows like once a year and I got to fucking play suicide solution with Rudy on bass. That was fucking killer for me, man, to be able to do that Randy song. Did you do it to the team like Al-A-Randie?

Yeah, fuck yeah. Or the Jad your own flavor to it. No, I did. I tried it because it was a Randy thing. So everyone was there to hear Randy's solos like Randy. So I kept it pretty pretty Randy-ish. And I mean, dude, it was fucking, It was a trip just being up there, man, and looking over,

and there's fucking Rudy, fucking pounding away on the base, dude. We were giving props to fucking Stephen Tower before. Another guy that you've got to give props to, as crazy as he, now he's got his, he does something on serious where he interviews, he does an interview every once a month with a friend. And as crazy as he is, he's still fucking Ozzy Osborne. Yeah. Another guy that came from the fucking train.

of debt was dead he was dead he was dead guys he was above that liquor store where the fuck he was living fucking dead you know no hope and all of a sudden the chick came by the manager yeah she told the father told me he was a sack of shit yeah he was just a junkie she thought different and it started a corporation that's worth dude's massive massive like massive and her dad was a big shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don Hardin, big shot thief. Yeah.

He robbed those guys. He made them all into junkies. I mean, I just finished reading the man who led Zeppler. Oh. And he worked for him. Yeah, yeah. He worked for him. That's how he learned.

That was his first job. He worked for him as security on. Wow. On tours, and they brought Santana over and all those fucking bands from San Francisco, that shit. But it's just really weird when you look at even Ozzy Osborne was dead. Yeah. Dead they threw him out of his own fucking bam like the guy like get the fuck out of here like you're done and then they replaced him that guy sucked then they replaced him with Dio the guy that in between them there's some music online that's just god awful

is that who is the guy that came in was that um tony the first guy that came in to sing was god awful yeah i'm trying to look up uh look up heaven and hell with the fucking if you go to youtube okay and look up Heaven and Hell with the original singer. He's looking up porn over here. Yeah, no, no, what are you going to do? I have my needs to sin. Heavening and has to look at skydiving. Yeah, put on YouTube on here. Okay.

And they'll show you. It'll say, heaven and hell. What the fuck is the guy's name? Ralph something. It was God awful. All right, so I have, I have Ronnie James Dio. No. Ian Gillen, Tony Martin, Glenn Hughes.

That's why I was thinking about Tony Martin. Glenn Hughes. rent out ray gillan no glenn hughes was from deep purple deep somebody came in right before fucking uh rann ronnie james dio and they taped they did a couple demos and they said listen this sounds like somebody died oh wait a minute yes wait wait wait wait wait wait yes yes yes no it wasn't no i don't think it was glen no it was not going no it was someone else There was somebody else who came, and I found it. I found it once, and it was God awful.

I think he was the... Wait, I don't see his name up there. Dave Walker. Dave Walker was the first singer. Was it Dave Walker? Yeah, heaven and hell, Dave Walker. Listen to this diarrhea. Diarrhea of a madman.

Listen to that. The second one, listen to fucking Junior's eyes with this fucking sack of shit. And Sabbath was dead, too. musically they were dead too he was the first guy they brought in the Ozzy hates this fucking owl you can't even bring this out

he says it's a fucking jazz band but listen to this vocal diarrhea I think they brought him in and tried to squeeze Ozzy out and they were going to stay on tour and somebody pulled him aside and said don't do it dude don't do it Ozzy's glad that Ozzy's lucky

that you like him because I can just imagine you playing this outside of his house with a boom box. If you didn't like Ozzy, just all day. Dog, when I heard that, because I remember reading it, all we had done was Cream Magazine. Yeah, fuck, yeah. Circus. And I remember reading at a circus.

They played him with Dave Walker, but something didn't work out. And then they found Dio, and even Dio was hard to swallow. When I first drove to Philadelphia, I saw Dio on stage, I almost started crying, I almost started crying.

And then I played it out, The hand was pretty fucking good. Yeah. Except for the devil horns and shit, he was okay. But the best thing about that concert was, this is how crazy life was, Lee. It had to be summer of 81, maybe. And we drove down the shore, me, this guy, but I know, I don't know who the driver was. But I know this kid, rest in pieces of the car.

His name is Darren Rago. He was five foot two steroid it out. he had to be 190 pounds of pure muscle and those days I would make him take his t-shirt off and do push-ups like I'd get him all jazzed up

like do a couple lines of coke and give him a couple cocktails and I'd say Darren take your shirt off do some push-ups dog get ready for these motherfuckers we could be anywhere and they wouldn't make him do push-ups like we're going to a bar

Darren come here do a line of blow do some fucking push-ups and he would do 200 push-ups and be yoked and he'd walk in that ball with no shirt on an 81 he didn't give a fuck so we stop in this fucking restaurant like a burger king like one of those and like you know he's talking to

people like he's fuck we're doing coke it's two in the afternoon we're doing a couple bumps we're already on acid and we're going to see dia with sabbath you know who was opening for them the singer from van hailing when he was with shaking street that guy that's in cobble wabo Hagar. Hagar was a band called Shaken Street. Oh, wow. And they were saying they were spitting on them. In Philadelphia, they were spitting on their fingers and flinging the spit with their fingers.

He was on stage ducking it and shit. He was fucking hysterical. Why don't they like Sammy Hagar? I don't know. I don't ask questions. I see people getting spit on in Philly. I mind my business. But my man, Darren came back.

That was his name, Darren. God rest of soul. He came back into the car. He goes, look, dog. Look what I got. I got acid, right? And it was this, it was micrododot. But in those days, the hot acid was microdata paper acid.

He had got these things that looked like earplugs that were purple, just a little small in an earplugs. I go, what type of fucking acid is this? He's telling me it's devil acid. He traded two lines at T.HC for three hits of acid. Stereical. So we get to the thing, I tell him, you know what, hold on to him. I'll pass.

It was like six bands. It had to be like a broad band, and then it was Sammy Hagar, and then it was somebody else, and then it was Black Sabbath. Not only that, listen to this one. We had like 13 row seats, and some guy came up to us, and he's like, listen, man, can I talk to you guys? I'm like, what's up? And he goes, listen, I came here with four of my friends and two of them just beat me for Coke or something. I don't want to sit next to them. Do you mind trading your tickets?

And I'm like, what are you talking about? And he goes, I'm sitting and sit there. six row center I'm sitting in 13th and you want these tickets he goes I'd rather sit with where you're sitting and sitting next to these two assholes let's see if it's legit right in the arena we walked right to the seats I shook his hand he's like fuck you to his friends fuck you motherfuckers you fucking barf we're sitting six row center so here's me and Darren on the purple so at first the music was great you know I'm watching these people spit at Sammy Hagar it's phenomenal

by something in the sixth row? No, no. Black Sabbath comes on, and Dio comes out there with his little devil finger. Generals gathered at his masses, just like witches and black masses. And he's saying all this stuff. I'm like, oh, this is a Fulgazi. And when I go to say something to Darren, he's out on the floor. He's done. He's on the floor sleeping.

So at one point I'm like, I said, we got to get out of this. So I pick him up, and he's like holding our arms. So we carry him out to the car. We throw him in the backseat. We're like, what the fuck happened to him? And we're driving home. When he woke up, he woke up like, hangary like, and we're like, dog, what happened with those purple coeludes, right?

Because we kept calling him purple quailudes. You know what I'm saying? Hey, fucking quailudes. That was pure acid. I was tripping at the thing. The other time you were tripping was on the floor. You were passed out. No.

We torment them from 1980 till the day he died about the purple quailudes. Every time he'd go, I can get quailoos in it. They're not purple. Fuck you. Fuck you. Those were acid. I know. I saw things.

We called him purple ludes to the day he died. There's a purple ludes. Fuck you. Life. Oh, my God. I remember one time we robbed the gas station every night. And another guy on a Friday.

And the cops are looking for it. I don't know. There was no cameras and nothing. We got like 800, 900, 900. Damn. We just hit the guy in the head with like a new chuck and just took his money. And we shot down the shore. And on the way down there, we stopped and got an eight ball.

Like, that was our plan. Like, we each got it. We each got an eight ball, and we walked away with like $60,250. So then we get the seaside. You were just going to jail for an eight ball on $6,250? Two eight balls, three eight balls. One apiece, at $250 a piece, at $750. And we had like $200 left old.

We robbed a gas station for like $9.80. It was a little short of $1,000. So we got three eight balls. We filled the car up with gas, and we chopped with the rest of the money in three ways. That's how partners do it. so we ended up driving down the shore we got a hotel room that's a small 40

yeah and then we got away with beer so we're sitting there Darren me and somebody I think it was stinky it's got to be 82 we're fucking getting coked up to the gills and all of a sudden we hear and

Darren opens the curtain and it's like a Haitian maid and she's blacker than black and she's yelling in Haitian and I'll never forget him going fuck you and like closing the curtain there's a black woman out there yelling

some language I never heard before. I'm like, Dougmentation, just leave her alone. She won't come in. She tried to fucking open the door. He's yelling, and I'm going to knock her out if she comes in. You can't knock out the fucking Asian maid. Did he go past check-iners, check-out or something? What happened? I don't fucking know.

We just sat in this whole time. We got the eight ball. We woke up the next day and we went back home depressed. Because we robbed a gas station for no fucking reason. You ever do that send? No. I was just going to ask you, is that sound like. something you've done.

Cyn's a decent guy, and you're even more of a decent guy. They don't do things like this. You understand me? Only animals like me have a good time. It's funny because now I sit back and I go, you know what, half the fun I had because it was the drugs. Yeah. Like half the fun.

I would love to sit here and go, you know what, don't do drugs and live your life. Half the fun I had was the adventures either getting the drugs, I mean, I ended up kidnapping somebody putting them in the trunk of a car. I laughed my ass off about that today. Nobody got her. It was a potential. You went to jail for two years? There was a potential for violence.

Oh, my God. What are you talking about? But at the end of the day, nobody got hurt. He's a little psychologically scarred. He's got PTSD and a couple other things. He might have a rash or something. You know what I'm saying? You don't see jail as a negative?

Not really. It was positive. I'm here, right? It didn't work. It's how you look at it. It's how you look at things. Jail is exactly what I needed at that time. A couple weeks away from society.

A couple years. Get your head together. Who gives a fuck? It turned out to be a positive thing. It turned out to be okay. It got me ready for the next 20 years. What would have happened if I wouldn't have got caught then? I would have got caught now.

And let me tell you something. Being in jail when you're 50 is a lot harder than being in jail when you're 20. When you're 20, you get at least fight to the death. When you're 50, you're getting fucked in the ass. I was thinking about that last night. about that scene from a American me no from the sons of anarchy when the guy who wrote it and directed is getting like assaulted in his cell every day he bites his tongue off in other words he's getting picked up the ass by one big black dude and the guy eats his

lunch would make it even was that what you were trying to say we yeah sure I was trying to keep it PG for for the second of the podcast we don't keep it PG he's getting sexually assaulted They show that on Sons of... They ran a train. I've never seen it. Yeah, they show a lot of shit on Sons. He bit his own tongue off. Spoiler, it's like 10 years ago.

Yeah, if you haven't watched Sons of Anarchy even, there's no spoiler attack. The show's been canceled for fucking years. Go get a fucking life. Spoiler, really. Who gives a fuck? I would talk about the episode the next day and people get pissed. I'm old school. I watch the fucking thing with commercials the first time.

Yeah. One of there, so there's no mis-sign. You're not going to watch it like that. You're not really. of your fan. Yeah. Me and my wife would go to dinner. We get home five to seven.

I take three hits of the pipe and sons and he would come on. Pa, after we take a shower, give a stab and it's date night. Everybody gets a fucking, everybody has a good time. Ba. Give her a stab.

No big fucking deal. No, you come here off and boom, done. Yeah, done. Look at that girl, that poor girl,

that four years, never came in the mouth. What do you got this show? Nothing. Not one shot to the mouth. Not one, Pa. Wait,

but let me ask you this. was like was that something that you guys just agreed on yeah he took it i don't understand i mean i ask and i'm not if someone says no i kind of leave it there i don't really push the um you never ask you just pop the load in their mouth and let them wait for the reaction but i mean but you're with her and she told you no morning sex and you bought into it okay she doesn't like sex in the morning then don't live here i love sex no more. And you can't live here. Because I'm going to give you a stab in the morning. Why I told you

I don't like it? Listen, it doesn't really matter what you like. I'm paying the lights. I'm paying the fucking food bill here. You're driving back and forth to work. Nobody's sucking dick. You know, just because you want to say, but we can't say. I could. You have to say it. Because if you don't say it, then look what happens.

Exactly. Four or five years later and you're having a fucking... A girl told me that's the first thing I do. I knock a wig off. You know what I'm saying? If a girl tells me like on a date, Really don't like when guys come in my mouth. I drink eight milkshakes in the next day. I shoot a load in her mouth that she'll never fucking come back again or she'll come back for yabye. Coming out of her ears and shit.

Yeah, I don't have time for that shit since day one. I played that I'm a romantic game for a while until you get fucked in the ass. They tell me what they don't like and that's the first thing I do. I don't like when a guy flax in my fight when I'm getting a blow job. That's the first thing I do is blow a fucking nut right in their face. I don't give a fuck. And if they pull away, I come in their eyes, so be it. So be it.

So did you, I mean, was it like a healthy sex life, Lee? I mean, yeah. No, no. Look at him. He's damaged. He's damaged. It was four years. He didn't do nothing.

It slowed down towards the end, but that happens. But, yeah. But did you like, at 29? Yeah. Listen, when I date that strip, I fucked every day for four years. I got my money's worth of that dirty bitch. Every day, except for a period. I did something to her.

Those five days, I stayed away from my like a lot. up her. Like if she had to hiv. Then that six day I'd give her a stabbing and by the eight day I'd be eating a pussy and ass and finger to the death until blood came out again. Oh my god. That stripper, I remember how it's breaking up and me going, do you think I really care that you broke up

with me? I fuck you every day for four years. I got my money's worth out of you. You filthy animal. Every piece of sushi, every bottle of wine. You're romantic. Yeah. Because when you're not sucking and fucking and they order wine at $60 a pop, you're sitting there getting angry. Yeah.

You came in their hair. You fucked the way. I put a bottle in the pussy one time and suck the period juice out. I did things that poor girl that had a good time. You wouldn't do the farm animals. No, we're still friends because she's an animal. She even told me she's still an animal. At 50, she's a fucking animal.

But, no, every day I get your money's worth. Yeah, that's the truth. I give you a grandma Coke to do. I'm getting my money's worth out of you. There's no way you're leaving here alive. Nobody snorts for free. You're sucking something. You give me a teddy show.

I don't give a fuck. I'm no. I'm no Harvey Right, right. But I'm no fucking half a faggy. You know what I'm saying? What the fuck? I'm just sitting here and give you half my blow.

Yeah. You're not going to suck a day. I got to hear stories about your boyfriend. Not on this planet. I think people take blow a little bit more seriously than I took like ramen and stuff because I didn't buy it. I didn't buy her blow. I bought her dinner.

Like that's it. And that was we had for four fucking years. And they had that up, dude. They were terrible. Add that up. That you got talked into, Wade online, her girlfriends. All those bad. that you went to Long Beach for New Year's.

Remember that one? That was an investment in opportunity. The time you went to the jacuzzi and had a scar, the time you broke the zip line. I didn't break the zip line. All the groupons and all that shit. That adds up. And you'll say now that you won't go to a strip club. Listen, you go up here, that chick up there for the small 300.

You'll take you upstairs. Way too much at once. And suck the protein juice out of you. You don't even know. Six dinners, I guess. I mean, I can't. Six dinners is 180. No, six dinners at fucking what?

60. It's 360. That's what I'm saying. For 300, you go up there. I think it's $2.60, you can't, come in a face, and you give her a $40 tip and nobody feels that guppy. You can't, you're not supposed, like, what happens if the cops roll in? Who cares? You're coming on her face.

Now, I'm nothing to do with you. Tell them to wait their turn. Yeah, tell them to wait that time. Put the badge away. Put the gun away. The whip is dead. Put the whip away. The horse is dead.

You know what are you want from me? I think that's illegal, isn't it? No, it's not illegal. You go to look at it. He's doing the junior. He's just. Yeah. He's not.

the gymites. I'm trying to young kids here don't go jerking off and fucking strip clubs. Joey Dia said I could. Listen, you go in there, it's dark. What do you think happens in dark spots? You jerk off. That's what happens.

Women are walking around nude. What do you think something happen? You think those girls don't go home once a week with jizz on their leg when somebody's shooting? You go into that back room up there. They do dirty things to you. And then you go upstairs and they do even dirtier things to you. There's upstairs?

That's what I'm trying to say to you. You give them the 260. That's a lot of money though. You give a $4 tip and you do whatever fuck. $40. But add up all the ramen prices and the group up and everything. And you still didn't get and you still didn't get through it. And all that shit.

You give the girl a small 260. You shoot her mouth and you go home and sleep like a baby. You're like you didn't do nothing. She's used to. How often can you do that though? That's a lot of money. Once a day. What do you give a fuck?

Two-60. I don't give a fuck. How many times you're going there once a week? I don't know who gives a fuck. It's better than sitting at home and looking at four walls like the guy from fucking what's that band? At least I got two. 260 though what 260 you drop four years of fucking I know but now it's done now I have to resave up for the next four years once they tell you you don't like

come in my mouth you go really mean neither that makes two of that's blow job you make sure you come double quick with mushroom juice and asparagus in you oh my god and why to make that Chinese face like something's not right and they drink water they brush their mouth they listerine and it's still stuck in their fucking throat you like him this is who gives a fuck this is what happened if you like somebody you gotta drink the goo when I'm sucking your pussy and you spray at me what do you think I get out of the way no I inhale that fucking stay right in there yeah stay right in there did you guys did you guys do everything was

everything like no obviously not obviously not but I mean I'm not I'm not really he didn't pull her hair he didn't come on the face I like I never done that to anybody I would have pulled my dick out of her mouth and slammed in the mouth with it and put it back so she just know what's going on this sounds worse than then fucking and it comes out like this sounds like when it comes when it comes out and it makes that noise like that like that that's fucking tremendous and when with that note what's the tour where's the next tour start this uh when's the next tour july 11th europe really yeah we're in how long we're uh five weeks one six month and a half maybe

jesus christ something like that what spots are you going to in europe Spain, Germany, France, Italy, what else, Czech Republic, maybe. Ireland. Ireland. UK, yeah. Yeah, so we're out there. July 11th to like August 18th or 20th.

Something like that. It's like five or six weeks. Something like that. And then we're home for two months. And then we're doing another U.S. tour, I think, November, December. But we've got this I started this

kind of power metal side project that's like old school metal and it's called Three Headed Snake and we're actually mixing that thing. It's an EP that I hope to have done in the next like month or two and that's like old school

fucking power metal like from the 80s and shit like that. Like Julius Priest. Yeah it's like that it's like that kind of shit. The second side. It's like fucking it's like Like a battering ramp. Yeah, it's like, it's classic, like, priest fucking kind of shit. Just heavy riffs, power metal. The singer's fucking amazing.

And Derek actually tracked the drums on that thing. So we got that thing going on too, man. Is there like a registry for band names now? How do you come up with a band name and not that hasn't been used? Well, I mean, you do have to, you know, get it trademarked and shit like that. Really? Okay. Yeah.

All right. It's way hard now. Yeah. Yeah. What's it cost you now that trademark a band name? It's like it's not that much money. It's like, um, a hundred and something to get. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's not, I mean, it's definitely not super expensive to get it done. It's just doing the paperwork and shit. See, it has been a pleasure following you on social media. Thanks, man. If you don't follow, sin, you're fucking missing out. It's, he shows you a different. type like of what you think a musician's life should be he shows you some interesting fucking pictures follow them i don't know if you put videos up i mean you're yeah we have we have

um and we got a twitter thing going on now which i didn't have the last time i was here um because people were after i did the show people are like wanting to find out about twitter it's uh i think it's sin curing music yeah i think Cyn Cura Music on Twitter. Yeah. Yeah. You were interesting and a good soul. Thank you, brother.

I appreciate it, man. I felt bad because I didn't get the full patois from sin. I didn't really know the experience. Then I started looking at your pictures and all the interesting shit you do. I appreciate it, man. Bro, you're a solid. You're very down earth, which... Thank you, man.

I've seen them at all levels. Dude, and I got to say, man, there's a group on... I think it's on Facebook that... it's a church group. Yeah, Scott Cunningham. Dude, these fucking guys, man. He's a good guy. Dude, I mean,

my hat goes off to those guys because they have been nothing but amazing to me. And because of the show, obviously, and they've been, I mean, nothing but just the most supportive guys. Good gentleman, yeah. Dude, for, you know, supporting all the stuff that I have going on. They've been great people. So, I mean, I want to say thanks to those guys.

And when I was on this last tour, a lot of people are people. A lot of guys. came up man and they were like fucking heard you on joey's fucking show and you go to europe dude a lot of cool people man the church's solid solid it really is dude it really is proud of the people that come to the shows when i do comedy shows the wait waitresses always go you know what man they were a little drunk and ronty but they were good people very good people so thank you for being you we rate you the best you motherfuckers yeah do not back down from anything

sin again thank you and you could bring you man's the web website, whatever the fuck you need. Awesome. Thank you, man. Thank you. I appreciate it. Don't forget a month. Right now, a week from tonight, I'll be in Las Vegas with Lee taping the special. Thanks to you people and Netflix. And then on the 16th or something like that, I'm the Colusa Casino. There's a few tickets left. But before I leave, I got to talk to you about Blue Apron. It's the number one fresh ingredient recipe delivery service in the country. Blue Apron's mission is to make incredible home cooking accessible to everyone. They achieved this by supporting a more. sustainable food system, setting the higher standards for ingredients and building a community of

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He hasn't said no fucking words. He's a gentleman. He drinks his water. He ain't bothering nobody. I want to thank the flying Jew. But most of all, I want to thank the church family for being fucking gentlemen and tremendous women and for fucking supporting us on our cause every week. Thank you.

Have a great day. We'll be back Thursday morning. Ready to fucking rock. Don't worry about nothing. We love you. Stay black. Kick that fucking mulee.