The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #593 - Jessimae Peluso

Episode Date: June 13, 2018

Jessimae Peluso, comedian, actress, and the host of the "Sharp Tongue" and the "Highlarious" podcasts, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   
Recorded live on 06/12/2018.


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Grab your cock and salute the flag, bitch. It only gets better from here. Kick this fucking mulee. Jesus. Oh shit. Gessame Palluso. Uncle Joey. And the Christ Killer.

What were you doing the first time you heard? How old were you the first time you heard this, Jessame? Just give me an estimation. About 17. So I'm 35. What did you do? I immediately grabbed my vibrator. No, I just, I felt it.

I don't know. It just felt like, I think it was the first time I realized, oh, everything else I've been listening to before this was complete shit. Like, you can't go from new kids on the block to fucking Led Zeppelin. Like, who put this on for your brother, a boyfriend? I had friends that were musicians in Syracuse. My uncle was a musician. He had a band.

It was a disco band, but all those guys played, that for the gig, but they all loved Zeppelin and, you know, just like real rock and roll. And so I just, I would ride in cars with them and just be smoking and drinking weed and listening to this music. Yeah. First time I heard this out, I must have been 12. And I was scared of Led Zeppelin at that time. You were scared to them? Yeah, 11, 12. I was still a Catholic.

I still believed in God. These people had long hair and mustache and beards. They were antithesis, yeah. You know, and they did drugs. Like my mom did drugs and shit But this was different These guys were animals They were animals

Like they were just white fucking animals And I was not tolerating it at all So it didn't like affect you Like you wanted to like I like black music at the time I like Spanish music Like I really like Spanish music And I like black music

Like WBLS type shit Yeah I was gonna say like what was your black music And I was mildly breaking into music Like rock I was into pop music Like whatever was on WABC I listened to What was your pop? My pop was Elton John.

Yeah. Don't go breaking my heart. Oh my God, I can imagine 12 years old singing that shit. No, no. When I was 12, when I got thrown out of Sacred Heart School for Boys, I went to McKinley in the sixth grade. And McKinley was a public school? A public school in North Bergen.

What'd you do to get thrown out? I beat the fuck out of the nun. I look the nun on fire, Jack. Me and four other characters. I find it really strange. How fucking crazy. You couldn't stand Led Zeper. Like their music is literally, it sounds like a nun being set on fire.

Well, this whole fucking thing was, I was into the whole Catholicism thing. I had heard rumors of devils and shit like that with Led Zeppelin. That just wasn't me, man. You know, between my Catholicism and my Santeria roots. Never mind my Catholicism roots. But then my Santeria, Cuban roots, I'm not listening to those Zeppelin death. It was on the other side. It was on the other side for me.

So I just refused So I listened to Elton John Which is, you know, if you didn't know He was a fag in the sixth grade You better check yourself You know, when you first saw Bernie Taupin The guy who wrote the music for him Yeah, yeah, yeah

Like, you know, it was Philadelphia Freedom It was a goodbye yellow brick road Oh God It was the heart and soul of Elton John Yeah, that's what broke him It was brilliant It was brilliant Rocket Man

Yeah That shit that they did on that Fucking little genie What's the one they sang on almost famous when they're on the bus and they all start tiny dancing tiny dancer Jesus Christ all that shit I grew up on Elton John was

coming out with a new one of those every fucking it seemed like every 90 days Was him being gay a thing then? No nobody knew he was fucking gay. No one said anything Nobody knew nobody wanted to know It was like Liberacee There was like six people If you didn't know they were gay

There was something wrong with you But you over it was so like Liberace For example Right you don't say nothing Like, no, like, everybody may believe, like, Limerangian. He was sucking it, yeah. I don't know nothing about nothing, but I know Liberaji's up to something. Like, he was on the original Harvey Weinstein.

He was just doing it to young boys. He was, he was. You know, when the movie came out, it was a little disturbing on HBO. Yeah, that was. And if the movie was disturbing. Imagine the reality. The reality of it has to be even more disturbing. Yeah, because the movie, it's watered down.

And I ain't mad at Harvey talking little young, confused guys into sucking his dick. Showing up with a wig. Big pimping. buying your ring to suck his dick. If Harvey dressed as Liberace, I would be less mad. I'm like, you added some flair to your deviance. You ever see how much money Liberace you have? Yo, and it's like people like that, they're so creative.

They don't know how to handle the money. Like, they start buying like gold-plated toilet holders. So what are you doing? You're like rapper rich. What are you doing? Everything was gold. I remember still being a kid, like 19, maybe 18, maybe 18. I'm working for an electrician in Aspen.

And I was installing electric towel warmers. For people who just, you should have seen these bathrooms I was installing. Yo, that is so opulent. This was already 1983. I need it from my house now, though. It sounds awesome. This was 1983. You should have seen the size of the bathroom was honest, honest, the size of my living room and kitchen.

And where was this? Like, was this in New York or Jersey? This was in Colorado. Oh, Colorado. Oh, I mean, there's a month. money out there. In the mountains. That's wealth.

Right above like maroon bells and shit. Yeah. That's what I call my tits. We did a little fucking housing thing there. Like there was two houses and we planted the, I never forget it was December 18th. Like December, fuck no, I'm lying to you guys. Was it wintertime? It had to be December 20th, December 22nd.

Christmas present? 1980 fucking three. And you couldn't see your hands. The snowflakes were so big. And me and this guy, Greg Yeager, the name of the company was Yeager Electric in Aspen, Colorado. That's how good my fucking memory is. Your memory is really impressive, especially for the amount of edibles you consume. Greg fucking Yeager.

And I was working at Aspen Electric and things were starting to blow up there. And I put a beating on a guy up there and he disappeared. Right? Like there was a guy that fucked up. He disappeared. He disappeared. This movie just took a turn. What happened was.

Yeah. I was working for a switch. You can't just drop that. I was working with an electrical company. I'm maybe 18. I'm fucking nuts. Oh, my God. I'm living around all these yocles in Aspen, Colorado.

I can't imagine you in Colorado. I'm a full-time criminal, but I'm watered down to an electrician. I'm an electrician's help of making maybe, maybe nine an hour. Oh. And then I would wash dishes two nights a week. And I would steal everything that wasn't stapled down at that place. When the shrimp, bags of French fries, I would have robbed the waitresses. I didn't give a fuck.

The Coke dealer was the chef. So he was cooking. I'd run to his house and rob him and go back and lost dishes like nothing happened. You would not leave your job and run to his house. Yes, I would. Towards the end. I was that. Towards the end, you were 18?

Were you feeding? Excuse me. Were you feeding an addiction? At that time, at that time, I would, I would. I was feeding the addiction of just like a high just being a piece of shit yeah it was what my made my dick hard was if I found that just my poluso was a scumbat yeah she's going down yeah and I would fuck with you first a little bit yeah mentally I'd break into your house and steal like 100 out of your wallet yeah and I'd be like who the fuck and then

Mental warfare. I go into a ounce of Coke and take an A ball out. Mine would be organic green tea. It would be really boring. And you go, what the fuck is going on? Right. Is there a ghost? And it was just that type of shit.

So I was just going crazy. I was working for this company, Aspen Electric, and we were doing this taxi cab place where it's like 12 bays. Right. Six of them would have washed them, two of them were for like to, to wax them. And then the other three, I don't know what the fuck they were.

And we had installed like those long light bulbs. I forget what they called. And we had installed the thing. And the plug. And we were there for like three months. And they kept switching guys. And finally they hit me with this dude that was just a dick. Like nobody got along with him in the company.

Nobody. Like they kept me. He got to arguments with people. He was a no at all. He was maybe. If I was 18 and 19, he was maybe 40-ish 30-ish 35-ish just a real fucking prick

Right and he probably was more of a prick because you were younger And he used to fuck with me About being from New York You fucking Yankee cock sucker Right And one day I said something to him in front of a few guys Like at lunchtime some guys were there with us They were working around the corner or something

And they were eating with us on the day left By an hour later He just came out of nowhere with a knife and put it to my neck, one of those cutter, the box cutters. He's like, don't you ever disrespect me again in front of these fucking people. And he had me.

Jesse, there was nothing I could do. I was standing on pipes to boot. So I had no, I had no footing. Yeah. And he had me. I had this motherfucker just on Street Valley alone. I had him, just on what I knew. But I couldn't make a move.

I couldn't even reach from a wallet. I couldn't reach for a pipe, nothing. I was on pipes. So I said, you're the man. And I let him go. when I thought about and I told this guy I was shooting with on Sundays. And he goes, listen, you're going to go back to Jersey to your dad down and shoot him, aren't you? I go, yeah, he goes, practice on him.

So for like two weeks, I went down and I knew all his moves. And I worked at the guy. And then I would say, oh, what are he doing tonight? I'm going to this bar named Murphy's. Just telling you everything. But I lived 20 miles from him. Yeah. So I had to stalk him for like two weekends.

Oh, my God. And I watched a bar he went to. And then I piped him one night. And I piped them with a, I got them with a hanger and one of those, you know, those sticks that Bruce Lee used it into the dragons. Nunchukes? The one, just one along, the long one. Oh, yeah. It's like a night watcher stick.

Where did you get that? What's with the question? Walmart. What's with the question? No. At your local dicks, sporting? No, no, no. You couldn't get nothing because they trade.

You got to assume they could trace everything. Right. So everything you get has to be very, yeah. A trunk. He got it from a trunkly, the same place that slices salami. was at your feet that's where you got you get a hangar you open the hangar you fold it in half right you take electrical tape and you flatten out that hanger you make a handle you make like a 12 inch handle is everybody listening and you take that hanger and if I whipped you with that hanger at night

you won't know what's going on for the first two minutes it sounds like it would also well all you're seeing is this and you're going and you can't see it I'll pop you in the face first Jesus. Oh, yeah, it's horrible. Why is this being directed at me? No, no, no, no, no. So this is what happened. So I got the guy on a Saturday.

And that Monday he didn't go to work. I'm sitting there at work. And I'm like, oh, is he going to come in and say, you know? Because I left him there yelling for his life. Did he see you? No, I had a mask on him. Hit him in the face with a hanger already. I had everything.

He didn't want to see me. This was my first ever. He didn't want to see me. So I beat him up a little bit and just ran away. Yeah. I threw the mask away in the jacket as I was driving and all this shit. I went back to Fred's. I went to my house and snowmast

and that Monday. I went back to work and like nothing happened. They're like, oh, he didn't call in today or whatever. He didn't come in. That was it. Nobody said nothing. Tuesday. Nobody said nothing.

Wednesday. At the breakfast, at the lunch. When you come in, the guy would always come on and go, okay, today's lineup. Lee, you're going with Jessumay over to the house up in Aspen. You're finishing up the re-roof. Fuck. How come I got to go? Get the fuck out.

Joey, you're going with Stan You're going up to Snowmass Village to finish Up the apartments up there Like the guy would give you orders He would come out for the third day He's like, where's fucking whatever the guy's name was He goes where is he? Anybody here from?

Once you pass by his house On the way down to that job And see what's going on Maybe he's sick, maybe his phone's broken Maybe nobody's heard from him. Maybe he's dead in his condo And I'm sitting there going, oh shit Maybe you got beat up

And I couldn't wait to come back at 430 To find out what happened And we got to like I have 10 to 5 and we had the overtime but still suck because my heart was beating And when I walked in there was sitting there and the guy's drinking coffee and they're like man That's the weirdest thing. Yeah, we went to his house. He moved he moved he moved. Yo, that's a good beat and you beat someone so bad they fucking move I picked up and he left I think they don't even want to tell on you they move that's powerful I think I'd probably do the same thing fuck you got beat up in the in the in the He didn't know with me.

He had no idea. You wouldn't hurt anybody in the first place. I hope not enough to get beat up in the dark. Not even emotionally. I don't know. Maybe, but that's Jesus Christ, you don't worry that he's listening to this? What's he going to do?

What's he going to do? 80 year old people still have rights? Yeah, what's he going to do? He starts to prove on there. Have you seen them fight? He starts to prove what year it is, what month it was. He starts to come up with a lot of shit. When eight-year-olds fight, they look like they're auditioning for us.

For a thriller, choreography. So, yeah, after like a month of sitting there, waiting, when is this guy going to come back and get me? You thought that? I really thought that. And the job started dying down. And one day, I met this guy outside of, like, fucking a supermarket. And he had an electrical thing.

I went up to him like a man. Like, hey, my name is Joey. I'm an electrical helper. Do you need anything? It was not right now. But here's my car. Keep in touch with me. Because what type of experience you got?

I kept telling them. You're like, I'm really good with hangers. And then I called them. like twice and the second time he goes you could start tomorrow full time so that's why i remember hanging that i'll never forget hanging that fucking i forget what you call it now was 30 fucking years ago people it was like the first piece of electricity to a neighborhood like the first type first it's the first wire that gets the whole hood and we do the the the the post you put it on a post and then you put like a board a board a board a board we're of a bitch i'll never forget

I'm like, bro, we got to go home because the snow was coming down. He's like, we can't go home. This has to be done today. Me and him were in this fucking blizzard. Cars were doing fucking 60 past us. We were like 20 feet from the road. And the cars were sliding off the road. I'm like, though, we're going to get fucking killed here.

For $9 an hour? For $9 an hour? Maybe $10 at the time. Maybe $10. Who the fuck? You're like, I just want to go to people's houses and steal their shit. Why am I in the snow? But that was my coverage, Jessima.

See, if you sit at your house, I lived in such a small community at the time that if I didn't go to work, they would peg me for the thief. Right. So in my world, I was always working. Just to keep good face. Even when I had those two weeks off over the holidays, I would shovel snow for fucking 15 an hour cash. Now, is that like a cocaine ephemism? Or are you like actually shoveling snow? No, I would shovel snow outside, but I'd be case the joints.

I'd look at what time Jessumet leaves, or the time she'd. comes back who she leaves with because all the condos were together it was like C it was like A B C D or we were all together it was I forget what the creek apartments were called Snow Creek apart I don't know yeah so they were all together so I'd be out there showing I'd see you leave I'd see Lee leave you take a little time stamp in your mind sure that's how professionals do it and then I had my roommate at the time was an engineer on paper on paper So all the fucking

Engineer on paper What paper What kind of paper College ruled Listen let's say you went to school For four years And you got all eight pluses And you're supposed to graduate

In June And in fucking January You get into a fight With eight dudes And knock six of a mom You're not graduating You're not graduating So he came back home

His brother had graduated from Brown He was at the Air Force Academy This whole family This whole family was genius The older brother was at Brown going to school with Jackie Kennedy's son. We were talking about the Kennedy before? Yeah.

I still remember visiting him up there, and Jackie O was on campus. And they'd be yelling, cunt! They were crazy. Cunt to Jackie O? If they were only alive today and realize what real cunts are.

Yeah, no, no, that was fucking crazy. Furthest from the cunt. So the one brother went to Yale. The other brother went to, listen to this. The other brother went to the Air Force Academy. and got thrown out his senior year and he was a genius.

Why did he get thrown out? Forget into a fist fight. I mean, come, I mean... And then the other brother was a great mechanic in grammar school. You know those kids that lived next door to you that were fixing alarm clocks? I didn't have those kids.

I lived next to an old lady. This motherfucker, and he was living out in San Diego. But the other brother's very interesting. Was I telling you this lady a day? Like a little off? The other brother, no. The other brother's a janitor at the World Trade Center.

That seems like a very smart job. The first time they bombed the building, he was drinking across the street in 94. Because he's an Alki. He's an Alki. Thank God. So the first time the building got bombed in 94, 93, he was across the street getting drunk on a Friday. The second time he got bombed, he was down the shore. He called in sick because he was hung over from Sunday.

Alcoholism saved his life. Ironically, you never know what it's going to be. You never know if it's a DJ. It can be a fucking Sukalamink or it can be fucking alcoholism. Something's going to save your life. Jesse May Poluso, where the fuck have you been? You came in here with some white dude that looked like a mad scientist with 18 weeds. Oh, that was my dispensary partner.

I still think I got some of the weed. He brought you so much weed. That was Travis Turner. I still think I got fucking a bag of year weed. We called our earthquake weed. Yeah, that's my shop partner. We got a head in there just. We smoked a bunch of it.

Then we saved like a half ounce. Yeah, you got to save some. It's still in there getting moldy, nice. Oh, good. There's an earthquake, me and league to smoke ourselves straight in this motherfucker. Just hide under the couch and smoke each other out. That's it.

That's it. You're going to be fucking fine. Oh, please. We'll be in the hair fucking buried. This is a great place to hot box, because you got, like, professional lighting, and I feel like being high with that is really just, it's special. You said you were going to go open up the weed store.

You called me, you invited me to your grand opening. It was our soft opening for friends. So here I figured you were rocking and rolling, and I see that you tweeted something yet. Then I go. Where is this? Where is this bitch? I don't see her at the store no more like you.

I'm thinking you down there in Venice with a little miniskirt on and selling butt. Smoking weed with dirty white people. You know what I'm saying? Never, no. Bad mouth in your country. I didn't know what the fuck. In your country. I didn't know what you were doing.

No. I was just. Where the fuck have you been? You're still on the road. He's still on the road. Not as much. I just been writing a lot, writing a bunch of shit and working on, you know, movies and stuff. I'm trying to write a movie right now.

That seems like I don't know if that's a good idea Because I feel like it takes 17 years For the movie to even be shot Have you ever embarked on that? What happens if he don't write it? I would go crazy Okay then

Yeah That's your answer Yeah exactly You know today I woke up sore as fuck From going to kickboxing this Monday Yeah I'm throwing kettlebells around on Sunday You're getting spelt as fuck

And I went to Today I had a chance to And my daughter's home. She graduated on fucking Friday, so there's no school this week. So tomorrow or Thursday, we're going to Disneyland. So fucking... What a dream for a little girl. Can you believe this?

Holy hell that's going to cost you, Armine and a leg. Have fun with that. You better bring a backpack. I didn't even know. I didn't even ask my wife. She goes, you don't want to know. You better, like, bring an extra hand. I just know.

It's going to be a G. Oh, please. A G is complimentary. That's what you're giving them at the door. Three people. It's so, oh, fuck it, you're done. Three park passes. You're already out of G with parking.

You're out. That's $450. A hot dog puts you over a cheap. How fucking crazy is that? In this economy today, that a family cannot go to Disneyland, a fucking Laker game. For less than $300. A Yankee game is $50 to park. Gas is $5 a gallon right now.

$50 to park. And then to drive there. What does the American family do today? They suck dick to survive. Two kids and two parents. It's insane. They can't do dick. Well, the reality is...

600 a plane ticket. I mean, you're fucking out. You can't do dick. You can't spend time together. You're working. You're working the whole fucking time. To go and do shit for three hours, because the rest of the time you got to work to be able to pay for everything. It's fucking crazy.

That's what I've been doing. I've just been working. Working. You know, sometimes you work and people don't see you, but you're doing a lot of shit. like a cock i've been like a cockroach lately just like working on things that are going to be uh have a little bit more longevity i've been doing sets and stuff and still on the road i told you i was i'm gonna be in pasadena on saturday um but yeah i just been trying to like create shit that i actually care about my dad recently got diagnosed with alzheimer so that's that totally changed my

perspective on everything like when real shit happens i mean you know your whole life has been fucking turmoil and just dealing and surviving. But like when someone you love has that sort of thing happened to you, you start to shake up the shit that you're going through and see what's really important. And then you shed all the fat and they start focusing on real stuff. So that's what I've been doing. I've just been like pivoting my career in my life, getting it in a direction where I'm working on shit that actually will sustain me emotionally,

not doing anything for money. It's so crazy. When I first moved here, the first five years, I was at the store every night. Yeah. And in my mind, if I didn't see you, you were like, what the fuck are you? Like, I'm out at night. I was either at the improv, but I was, what I should say is I would always end up at the store. Yeah.

I'd be at the improv, I'd be at all the Mexican rooms. Very, three or four times a year in the old days, I would go to a laugh factory. But I was everywhere else. Yeah. When you don't see people out, you go, what the fuck is up with them? Yeah, where the fuck are they? But guess what? Now I understand that.

Yeah. Now I understand that. When I have to go, listen, if I do a podcast two nights a week, if I go on stage two nights a week, that's four. Yep. If I see my wife one night and if, you know, like you try to do two spots on those nights. Right. So you're doing four spots. Yep.

So when you're in town, you're doing five to six spots a week. Yep. And you have to break up the time. You have to break up the time. You've got to have some sort of fucking balance. Someone said to me recently, my agent actually said to me, there's no such thing as work-life balance. There is.

If you really want to be successful, balance is the only thing that's going to get you there. Let's stop right now because you're going to get my blood pressure. I know. Let me explain one thing to you. Yeah. Everything I say, you're like, what I love my agents dearly. I love my managers dealy.

But we live in a time when they're not too good at their job anymore. I know it's so crazy. It's really crazy. I like my agents a lot and my managers and I like them. But they're not good. Shit's changing so fast. Also, like, in their defense, they're competing with, like, you know, drunk people who have successful YouTube pages that are, you know, I don't know, making pasta fojul. I don't know what they're doing.

But there's the level of celebrity. has changed. Like, who's a celebrity now has changed, and where their focus is is also changed. There's like, you know, we're competing with YouTube celebrities and instig famous people. So I feel like everything's diluted now, and they're in a panic because they don't know how to market these people,

and they're trying to market these other people who are new in the industry and put them on the fucking road, and then everybody else sort of, it's hard to balance all of their other clients. It's like, but you're right. It's a weird time to be an entertainer. It's a weird time. First off, I'm not competing with nobody because I'm not trying to be famous and I'm not trying to be on TV no more.

Yeah, yeah. I'm just trying to exist for five more fucking years. Yeah. And then like there's a ranch somewhere that's waiting for Uncle Joey. A ranch in the sky or like a legit place and like Omaha. That sounds so beautiful. Somewhere there's a ranch. Are you going to retire there?

Somewhere there's a ranch with my asshole on it. Are you really going to retire to a ranch? I have no idea. I better get invited. I'm just holding on right now. I hope we get horses. You know. Or alpaca at the very least.

You know, it sucks. What sucks? Listen, I knew when I did my first movie that the life of a celebrity was not the life I liked at all. That's how I feel. I feel that. I don't like the way. way people treat them. I don't like how they treat people. I don't like what they do to people, how they act on the sets. It was never for me. It was always a job for me when I found out insurance

and it was just a job of me. You know, I did some great projects early on. I learned a lot. I learned a lot about the business. There's so much more to what people see. That's one of the biggest things. So much. So much involved and just creating. And you, I'm 55. I took all the fucking junk I had to already. You know, I've been here since I was 20 years. So I've been here since I was 55, 35.

But wait, so when I said there's no such thing as work-life balance, what did that? What is your response to that? Somebody who's been through this whole industry. My response is this, okay? a job to do and you have a job to do. Their job is to put you on the road every week from Wednesday to Sunday, which I'm mad at that. Yeah.

Think about it. That was my job to pimp out leave every week from Wednesday to Sunday. This motherfucker be rolling in pepperoni. This motherfucker would be out every week. I talk them into a different town by food. I take, I'd look up. But I'm still getting pimped out every week. We get in a garbage plate in Philly.

You get in your pizza in New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just sending them to places that have good food. Just for food, motherfucker. You want some lobster roll? The 500. Then I'll pull them in and send them to a fat camp. I have CAA pay for it.

And then put them back out there again. Let them bust his fucking head from bloodbair. They don't care. No. You know, there's no science to it no more. There is. We're going to do this. To do this.

Yeah. The strategy. There's nothing. Yeah, that's interesting. I, you know, you know, No, listen, I know exactly what I want. I know what I don't want. I love working on TV, but it's got to be a certain way.

And I love working on film and it's got to be a certain way. And I'm nobody to demand that way. Yeah. So it's never going to happen. Yeah. It's never going to happen. But there's beauty in that. That's beauty.

There's freedom in that. That's it. That's it. I just want to keep doing this until Lee comes to me and says he doesn't want to do the podcast no more. Until literally his eyes cannot open ever again. Yeah. I think that's what's going to happen when Lee. his face is just going to become

permanently stoned and you're only going to be able to peer through like a millimeter slit in your eyes like right now. Do you think I'll get disability for that? I hope so. You can get nothing. I'll help you.

There ain't nothing. Fuck. I am like one of the appealing things, no thank you. It's terrible. My cookie, you don't want my, you don't want my natural cookie. No.

It is appealing to be able to do what you guys do from anywhere. Like, it's, because if you really didn't want to, you didn't have to live in L.A. Yeah, that's true. And that's,

you know, that's the ideal, like podcasting. That's my podcasting so great. And that's my stand-up is so great. You can just, you travel and you meet people, and you have these places

that you've never gone to before. And I like that part of it. And I'm just, I'm learning and embracing being more independent and selective about what I do. And so I took, time to really think about what the fuck I want to do and what the fuck I want to do is I want to

write a movie I want to talk about what's going on with my dad and share that shit I want to bleed a little on stage I want it to like you know I'm all cool I'm cool the dick joke I love a dick joke but it's got to come from my heart is there a doberman barking someplace there might be it did my edible kick in is there a fucking rottweiler on the other side of this wall What's his name? Measureed Success is going from area to area and staying entertained. Okay? Mm-hmm. My philosophy on this was no matter what, I was always going to have three, 20-hour-a-week jobs.

Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Because one would count to the other and the other one would count to the other. Mm-hmm. You would have two jobs Monday to Friday and then a job Saturday and something. and every job had a purpose. Saturday and Sunday's job wasn't really strangers.

I didn't really get rich, but it saved me 800 a weekend because I'm not doing stupid shit on the weekends. If you're single, you can live that life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the agent's job is to book you and your job is to have a life. Yes. Your job is to go, listen, yeah, I'm going out every week. This is what I average a month.

I'm living like a pimp And you become blind by that pimp Yes, you do And next thing you know You have a publicist You have an agent You got all the manager You have all these people

That are taking money out of your pocket Career accoutrements You don't need You don't need They make you believe you need all that shit It's garbage And it's such a It's like when you go for a car

They're like oh put the pro package And you also got to get the flaps And you got the And it's like you don't need all those accessories Will the car get me from A to B Don't put the fucking fancy shit on it No. I can put my own gas in the tank.

And I feel bad when people first get here. Oof. And they really put you to leave. You not remember this? No, what does this do? Oh, my God. You don't have an agent, 13 agents and manager? You don't need an agent.

Do this. Every casting director looks at these. You put six headshots up. You pay them $300. And when the castor director wants a person, they press a button and your picture comes up. What's that cost you? That cost you fucking $300 a year. And then the headshots are $400.

and then the fucking, and then the fucking, to put two head shots down at the commercial place is $50 a headshot, the third one is free. Thanks. Thanks. So the first two of 50 bucks a piece and the third one is free. Thanks. Thanks. Like, you're really helping my fucking family out. Like, everything's a fucking scam.

So, yeah, you go out on commercial auditions. But let me tell you what happens when you're, like for you people who are sitting there going, you know what? I can't wait until I'm fucking sag. Let me lay it on you, you little fucks. Let me tell you what SAG means. Sag means that they take more money out of your pocket without you knowing. Because first of all, it's $37,000 to get level one insurance, and it's $25,000 to get level two insurance.

Then after that, you're fucked. You might as well, listen, you know how hard it is to get to $25,000 and $37,000? Consistently? On a thousand dollar a job? You might as well pray that Harvey gets acquittal. And you get back to sucking dick, Jack. Because I know there's a little bunch of bitches somewhere going, fuck, Harvey's not there no more.

That was my ticket. I was just working on a divorce to get out there 23 with this good-ass Bombay pussy and drop it on these white Jewish fools and shit and start suing motherfuckers under the Me Too batter and shit. Are you kidding me or what? Yeah. Sorry about that people. I want a little tangent.

Something like a specific person. Never apologize for speaking in. No. Don't apologize for that shit. The truth of the matter is they fucking rape every fucking level of you. Let me tell you about SAG on how SAG works. So you book your little first job. You call home.

Daddy, daddy, mommy, mommy. I booked my first job. Oh, we're so proud of you. When do you come on TV? Oh my God. It's a new show on CW. They bought 12 episodes. Yeah.

It's 11 episodes. I'm on the 11th one. I play a dick sucker. I play a dick sucker. I'm the co-girl behind the lead actor. Everybody's happy for you. And then. I'm the bitch taking a check.

You do get a line. You do get a line or two. I got a six words. You do get a line or two. You do get a line or two. And then you get boom. And then you're happy. And then like two weeks later you book another job.

And now. Hemorrhoid commercial. It's tremendous because the agent calls you and says, oh my godly, you book this job. Congratulations. It pays 1350. You shoot June 14th. And that's it. And all of a sudden, you'll be sitting there going, and you'll call your friends going.

I made it. I made it. I made it, bitch. And all of a sudden you get this call, beep. And it's 3, 2, 3, 3, 549 something. You're like, who's this? This must be like, fucking some producer that wants to talk to me. This shit.

And you're like, hello. And they're like, hi, is this Jose? And you're like, yeah. This is Jose. And they're like, okay, this is Mildred from screen actors guilt. Jose and Mildred. Right? Okay, okay.

This is Mildrefer. I don't think they're going to get along. No, I'm not. How are you doing today, Jose? They sound like they have opposing political views. Congratulations on this job you booked. Yes, yes, congratulations. Thank you.

But the bad news is this. Well, no, there's no bad news. I got to tell you, it's all good news. The good news is your father, screen, actors, kill now. So what we need from you is to tell us how we're going to pay for this little transaction? And you're sitting there going, what are you talking about? I just booked a job. I'm getting 12.

I get a check in fucking 10 days. I'm snorting. I'm fucking that little waitress from the store in the ass finally. I'm doing great. I'm doing great. What are you talking about? I'm like, no. To shoot that job,

it's going to cost you. What's going to cost me? It's going to cost you $1,500. It costs me $12. They asked me for $12 on the phone right away. $1.250. How are you going to pay for this? Cash, charge.

What do you want to do? Visa. You got a couple molars. I'm like, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? talking about the like we need not 1250 and that's a low number however you get it to us

that was then it's 20 it's like 3 it's like 3 yeah it's 2750 and now they finance yep they do finance back then they were like so I'm like how about I give you three and pay you when I get the check and they're like the milger's like this ain't gonna

word it was 1250 and you better have it day of you're stepping on that set there's gonna be a dude from SAG waiting for yeah that's what people don't realize there's union jobs there's non-union jobs so okay in order to work you have to get into the union sometimes call your grandfather he lends you a thousand Lee lends your five Lee don't got five you fucking take a thousand from mom for a for a small fee and you pay for SAG now you get that job and you pay lead back and you get a few jobs and you pay lead back and you get a boom but everything is hunky

Dory. It's so great. You're killing it. Leeds at the standard. And then January 3rd, Lee goes to his mailbox. And he sees his letter from Saga that looks like a check. Dues. It looks like a check.

You're like, I got paid bitch. They even put it like that. So it looks like a check. Yeah, I thought that just a week ago. And you're like, oh shit. I got some money. I'm getting some money. You open it up and it's dues.

You're like, fuck. It's a check to write to them. It takes like two and a half points. It's a sliding scale. It's like a sliding scale. scale two and a half points from what you made for the year. What? Then they hit you with that one.

And then I don't go to the doctor so much. You're just like, I'm getting my... What do you think I go to doctor for so much? Yeah, I wouldn't use that shit. I would be up there every day. Every fucking day. I got the nose bleed. I go down there.

My assholes hurts. I go down there. Sometimes I just go down there and say hello. How are you doing that? Pain a face on my hemorrho. You might as well bang me out for the 35. Can you bed dazzle my lady tape? He's from Chicago.

So we talk about food. He tells me he brings the fucking food back from Chicago and stuff. I got a lazy labia, Doc. I don't fuck around. I go to that motherfucker all the time. So, then they hit you back, Lee. Again?

Then they hit you back with the washout for the year. Yeah, then you got the end of the year dues. And this is the only way. And you have to get your new card? Oh, yeah, I just got mine too. Yeah, you get that baby. You get this. I just got mine too.

And what does that give you? That gives you basically. Do member rights. Let me see. What it gives you? It gives you access to health care. Access to Dick

Dick Dick That card Don't get you Dick There was a time You know that movie theater You go to

There was a time When it got you something Let me tell you something About that movie theater And Noho That you liked That they read the cinema The cinema

The cinema It was in a fucked up neighborhood They got like that They got a Jitza school Around the corner and stuff Let me tell you something

About that place That place held on They were the last place that that card meant something. Were you got a discount? Free tickets. Free tickets. See, that's... Five dollars, three tickets. You don't get shit

with it. So, no, you don't get nothing with it no more. That was the last of the benefits. There was a couple movie theaters in Hollywood that let you go in for free, and that place. I got a stack of those. I got every one of my cards. Me too. I saved them. I got a stack like this. I've got a stack like that.

This is 1999. Yeah. How often do you get cards? Every year. Every year. Oh, okay. Yeah. It's just don't get it. No, you gotta pay your do. You got to pay your sliding scale dues.

I just got mine too. Yeah, this expires in 2000. Yeah, 18. And then you have your dues. Do you have your dues every year too, or do they just, yeah? Yeah.

They don't roll that into. Remember since 1998? Who the fuck you think you're dealing with? And you won't get your card unless you pay. So wait, so you have to pay thousands every year plus a percentage of what you make. Yes. All you people that are waiting to get on SAG,

You want your dreams? You know, right now. Dreams are expensive. And now I think they want, let's be correct. What do they want, Lee? I don't think it'll tell you online. So Will Smith is giving them 3% or whatever of what he's making. They make so much money.

Like, it's literally based off of your earnings. Off your earnings. So I think it's like I give them one and a half percent because I'm in the lower fucking tier. Yeah, mine too. Mine too. But I think the more you make, I think like Stallone and Will Smith. There's no way they're paying for movie tickets. Their cards must get them at least an in-and-out burger.

They must be getting a milkshake. You think Stallone's not getting nothing free? Yeah, I mean, anything's still. All these people, they go to a movie theater. You're not going to charge Stallone. What do you think Stallone, like, do you think it gets free shit all the time? Those guys get free shit. Everywhere, right?

Like oil changes and shit? Would you give Stallone a fucking restaurant, Bill? If you own the restaurant and Celeste Stallone came in. I don't think I would. I would go over. Tell him that my boss said, thank you, come again, and that would be my chance to shine. I go out there and shake his hand and say,

thank you for coming to my restaurant. Do you mind taking a picture? Who's your, like, you've had a long career? Who's somebody you've met that you were, like, awestruck with? Or somebody, like, in the industry who you wanted to meet and you got to meet, and it was, like, a pivotal moment for you. Was there anybody like that? Like, anybody, quote, unquote, famous that you looked up to as a kid?

or something that you happen to cross paths with along the career? There was a lot of people. Like, I tell you what creeps me out the most about being here. Yeah. The people that I watch as a civilian. That's a great way to put it. That I bump into, that's crazy. Like, I saw the movie 29th Street as a civilian.

Right. So all those people in that movie from Vinnie Curdo to Anthony Lumpaglia to fucking Pauley from Pauley Walnut from Goodfellas, All those people I saw as a civilian. Right, pre-career. I went to see this movie, this chick. I want to go see. I don't know what I want to go see.

And this half piece of ass. Yeah. Talked me into going to see a movie called Splash with Tom Hanks. And Daryl Hannah. And Darrell Hanna. Holy fuck. That was a great movie. And the fat dude played the brother.

Oh, God. What's his fucking? Candy, John Candy. Yeah, John Candy. And there's in the opening scene, it's a dude from New York. Yep. And he brings him some cherries. Vinny, what's going on with the cherries?

The delivery. He's a delivery dude. Yeah, the delivery trucks. And he goes, you know, he had a full house. I had to repair. Yeah. We made a deal. He said, ah, you made a deal with my brother.

And he goes, yeah. He said, he'd take the cherries. I always looked at that guy. I said, wow, what a fucking great guy. That guy's from New York. That's the guy I need to be. Boom. I did a movie.

And he was the guy that played the delicatessen. No. Put it on. See, Vimeo. Remember somebody found it, Raphaelos Pizza. That's the name of the movie? That's the name of the short. It's very interesting what happened here.

Yeah. But let's see if it's on there. Raphaelho's Pizza. Maybe they changed the name. Who the fuck knows? Raphael's Pizza. Yeah. We did a sketch, and the sketch got picked up by HBO.

This was huge. Wow. Is this one of your first things? No. Oh, okay. I had been here for a while. It was last Saturday. Somebody just posted.

How old were you? This had a B. I was still doing blow. So it's 2006. B, B or A B. Before blow or after blow? Before, during blow. That's what we'll call it.

Every time I come here, I learned something so much deeper into your psyche in your history. This was 2006, maybe the holidays of 2007. six they posted it there was rumored did you find it uh i don't there was room it should be uh i don't think so no i can't find it

somebody posted somebody found it and posted it on something you can see how this motherfucker's spelling raphael oh what he's spelling like a teenage mutant ninja turtle right like i just know how can i spell

how can i spell it how r a yeah but capital art Does he have a capital? No. No, that's why. He's got like six L's.

No, he's a moron. Trust me. This is what I deal with all the time. This guy does not go to the spelling championship because the Chinese kid. Capital R. I love that. I have to make a shirt about something with the capital for the...

Yeah, because nobody fucking knows. No one of Google cares. He's the mother fucking lowercase. I don't know no fucking lowercase. I know capital is small. That's it. Pick one. You fuck.

I did. I pick small. All right, so R-A-F-A. F, Raph, Raph, F, F, Raph, F, four F. Yeah, two F's, okay. E.A-L-O-A-A-A-A-O-A-A-A-R-F-E-A-E. A-A-E-A-A-A-O-U-S. Pizza, pizza, pizza. I did that.

And what happened, same thing came up. No. See, okay, click that. Which one, pizza? Or the, did you mean? Right here. Okay, the way I thought it should be spelled. same thing is it raphaelos friend vimeo right here yeah we're on vimeo oh wait go down here this one what's this one

you believe this one you believe i deal with this young kid we're here i'll look there we go these kids live on the fucking computer is this your actual computer oh shit i just slipped off the arm of the chair we're saying jesus christ talking shit to me I was talking shit to you. Scroll this, please. Scroll. Oh, yeah, that one's too short for it to be.

You think they took it off? I put Joey Diaz on there. This is Vimeo, correct? Oh, this is fucking Google. This is what I'm talking about. Go to fucking Vimeo, please. Just go to wreck the Vimeo. This is what I'm talking about.

You see what I got dealing? This is the Vime. Do you understand what I got to deal with? 29 years old? Do you realize what you have to do you? Look at you right now and look at your podcast logo. You look just like the logo right now. That's why I'm like this.

Don't worry about nothing. No, he's just talking to me. No, I'm talking to him. Put on fucking Vimeo. This is still Google. I'm going to Vimeo. He's on wrong. Look at him.

He spells Vimeo Vimeo. That's how it's spelled Vimeo. Vimeo with an O and an E or whatever the fuck you had. Vimeo. You believe this. He's stressed it out. 29 years old, ladies and gentlemen. Capital R.

A, F, F, E-A-L-O, apostrophe S, pizza. Raphael of pizza. Nothing. What the fuck? The confused robot doesn't know what I'm going on. Do this. Raphael, replace the two Eps with a pH. Did you hear him talking to himself?

Yeah, no, no, no, no. Wait until you start talking. I can barely see that. You think they took it down? Go ahead. Do it again now. I did. The same robot came up. What do you fucking make it?

I didn't make no those. It was me. Both these. Put Joey Dia's video. I was just saying you should pull up all your videos. Yeah, see Joey Dia's videos. And now fucking clearing up. Unbelievable what I got a deal.

Well, this guy wasn't a splash. Oh, shit, I forgot what we're talking about. And all of a sudden, I go up to this fucking pizza place up in, And what do you call that shit? I go to this pizza place in Colabossus at midnight for a shoot. And there's that guy standing there. And I went up to him. I'm like, oh, my God.

You are my favorite in Splash? And he goes, what the fuck are you talking about? That was 1983. He got like insulting in a way, the guy. Really? Yeah, and then we became friends. He was really cool, me and him. And then I got him a role in something.

wanted me for something. I can't believe that audition tape is okay. Let me out. Someone found it on YouTube. Yeah. You're on your boardwalking. You told me to get off of Google. Google owns YouTube. Yeah. Get off of fucking Google. Google's not going to give it to you. YouTube hasn't. Go to Twitter. Where did they send it to you at?

Twitter. Watch this. So this guy, Tony Longo. You found it? Yeah. Oh my God. See? Thank you. Whoever fucking said there. You told me the wrong thing to type.

Yeah. I didn't spell it right either by the- 29 years old, college educated. You didn't spell it right either, by the way, just saying, God damn it. That's what you come in. That's why hire you. 29 in college educated.

Then I'll teach you to spell Italian names at the school. Let me sound louder, please, so she can hear it. Oh, my God. What are you to sell from this for? What are you thought of me for? Why don't you thought of me for? Oh, my God. You guys are so cute.

You're like a married couple. Joe, you've dropped some LBs. I saw a little thumbnail of you. You've dropped some LBs. Unless it's going to take it. What's going on? It's going. It may be inappropriate for younger viewers?

I don't fuck it. I eat on to pasta twice just because she is so nice Angelina. What's the matter with you? What's the matter of what? Brandon Claylor. That was his fucking thing. I keep soup and minestrone. Just to be where I love to you laugh at me.

I do not believe they lost that fucking game. It's that guy. Tony Longo. Hey, Joey, how you do? You know how I do? Hey, fat Tony, you fat motherfucker. Well, let me get up tonight, you understand, man. But no boot feet.

Look at the nose was clogged, dog, from the blow. What can I get you? This was spaghetti and meatballs and a fucking slice. You got it. No problem. Anything else? Yeah. A blow job from your sister.

Hey, Joey, how many times I got to tell you not to mention my sister? Why, what the fuck are you gonna do? You know, Jesus. Hey, Joey, I love your bro like family. You know this. But how many times I gotta fucking tell you, not to mention my sister? Don't talk about his fucking sister.

Boy, why do you act like that? You know how I act? Don't talk about his sister. Boy, what do you act like that? You know what? I love the lady. Hey, shut the fuck up over there. Shut the fuck up.

You don't make me get up. How much, sir? I don't know. What fucking mean I don't owe you nothing? I got you. Don't worry about it. My fucking money's no good deal He shut the fuck up you know I take care of you since you was little

Yeah, now it's my turn to take care of you now take my fucking money I don't want your fucking money take the money oh don't maybe get up I don't want your fucking money Don't make you get up don't Joe don't don't think I don't want your fucking money my fuck your money What's going on here? Here we go Here we go The fucking badder, there's no need for that out of here.

Here we go. The dude just came out with a bell. Who's this guy? The biggest Italian I ever seen. Has about you take that stick in, jamming up your fucking stupid ass? How about I come over there and shake off your fucking Jew beer? Oh, you call him a Jew?

You see fucking curly-fried dreadlocks in my head? You see me eating chalk of coins? Kiss my fucking ass. It's behind the calendar. This is out of true Italian testosterone, you four-foot-pinnous-looking motherfucker. I just come crack your fucking head. Yeah, you should be so lucky to crack a fucking smile after I fucking crack your teeth. I should come crack your fucking head.

I just come back to your fucking head. Everybody shut the fuck up. Everybody shut the fuck up. You need to make it up. Don't make you up. And do what I pay you for. Hey, Tony. Go make me together by sweat the guy.

Shut the fuck up. And Joe, you're taking care of it. You got that? This is my place. And if I don't want to fucking charge you, I don't fucking charge you. I don't fucking charge you. Well, I'm fucking Joey Linguine, and if I want to pay for some meatballs of spaghetti, I'll pay for some meatballs and spaghetti. Joey, I love, you know?

Why you always gotta come in and raise your work? I ain't raising my voice. Just get the fuck out of here, really! Hey, shut the fuck up over there! Don't make me get the fuck up. How's that one? You're all a bunch of fucking... You shut the fuck up over there, you hear me?

What the fuck is it? Just slice. It's a triangle shit. Yeah, well, you want to know something? Your head looks like a triangle sometimes. You know I'm fucking Sicily. I'm no fucking triangle shit. My fucking pizza's Yeah, well now your pizza's garbage. So how do you like that? Now you don't get nothing. How do you like that fucking apples?

I'm a no fucking move from a kid. Shut the fuck up. Every fucking time I come here to get a fucking slice, he's got six of a little fucking day. That's why I can't get one. You want to know some... You're a real bull buster. You know how to bust my balls, you ball busting. Alright, Paul, you know what? I apologize. Okay. Is that good? I'm sorry.

And I get some fucking fooling now. What's this look at? Downs? You see a fucking drive-thru? You see a big purple fuck dancing around with a clown and a fucking lesbian bird? You want fast food

You don't come in here You don't know that We don't cook fucking hamburgies here You understand me? Hey, I don't come over there With my fat ass And kick you a fat ass Remember the last time you was in here?

I had a heart attack And that's why I never came back To be fucking years Good? I could, where you go to fucking I could have this? I could if I would, Joey You know this.

Anything. for you. Anything? Hey, don't go there. You know, I already warned you. You know how I do. I am no longer to move here, shit. Yeah, I do.

You can never do like I do. Hey, I can outdo you doing how you do whatever the fuck you want to do it. You can't do what I do. Hey, boys, listen, take it easy, huh? What you do? I'm fucking shit. Yeah, listen, fucking eat some more food, Fat, Tony. You're in my quarters, take it easy.

Hey, Joey. Yeah. Oh, your mom, I said hello. Of course. And how you do? Now, where's my fucking package? guy that's up that's up the fuck up that you're gonna get my pet because it's up your problem

any fucking you know what my fucking fat ass we'll come and kick you off bad ass that's good to break my fucking peppers first and then see if I get the fuck up here and if that you fuck him fuck him fuck the bad guy I'm gonna get me a guy can we hold me a guy

I'm getting the fucking that I'm leaving that's not that you're fucking leaving that's not You gotta fucking leave it through. That's it. I ain't. I'm going to do it. Fuck that get in. I went to put that bottle down.

You got insurance. Put the bottle down. Hey, hey, hey, here's something, funny. His head looks like a fucking dry. Where's my pepper? Where's my pepper? I love it. I need a t-shirt of your face.

It says, where's my pepper? What was the audition process like for that? Different octaves of fuck. What we taste some? I found this. Look at your face. I found this on. this was when you could submit yourself on those, what's the name of that?

Like backstage and, like those websites? It was the one that you're originally on. The one that has all your shit on there. Yeah, yeah. I know what you're talking about. Has an option. You can submit. And 15 years ago, first year shows would post in there.

Yeah. I got in Coakase. That's crazy. If you look at the first year of Coatcase, Disco. invasion or something yeah I was the disco guy I was that's crazy Joey Minero because it was on there and this was on that that's wild it was it would be $70 a year to submit all you wanted yeah or a dollar of submission I took my chance I pay a dollar of submission and I booked cold case I booked law and order SVU that's crazy I booked this I booked I probably booked

six or seven jobs would you get paid for this one Do you remember? It was an after a low-budget pilot. And after is a subdivision of SAG. $100, but I made them pay me cash. Yeah, you did. Because you're gangster. Because I'm gangster.

Like, I show up, you pay me. And they let me out of 11, so the Coke dealer was open to a 1. Yeah, and you turn that cash right around. Boom. Like a doctor. Back into the neighborhood. Yeah, keeping the neighborhood alive. Yeah.

You're a civilian. So, yeah, I think like Coke's paid me scale. The job that was kinky was I got a job in Jamaica shooting the movie and I should have known the movie was king when I looked at the staff, the cast. The cast was pure garbage. And I went down there and there was sag. At this time I had done a bunch of shit.

Yeah. So you just smell different rats. Yeah. Like once you don't get that, you know, the same real. Like I worked on real movies where the lemons are organic. They overnight you shit from me. New York every day, even though you're not in it.

You know how much that cost? That's $9.95, a shot every day. When I didn't analyze that, that was booked out of New York. They would send me changes every day. Bags of them. Bags of them at $10 a piece. You think any of those things had to do with me? They didn't change not one of my lines. Just the money they spent there.

She's such a waste. Just the money they spent there. They could have flew me first class as to the city in the back of the fucking plane on the frontier and they lost my luggage of some shit. It was fucking crazy. You know, just the money that they spend

like during the longest yard. I remember one time I asked Adam for something and one of the producers came over to me and said, that's absurd. We can't do it. And I found out fucking a week later that they decided to hire some guy like Monday night of eight, but they

needed them there Tuesday at 9 and they overnight flew them from Minneapolis. Jesus. They cost $35,000. No. So you couldn't wait for a commercial flight and push that scene back to $12,000. $35,000? Is that a real number?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Put them on a flight from Minneapolis overnight. One of those fucking private jets. Right, right, right, right. It was 35 Gs. So wait a minute. This guy was so crucial to the movie, and I don't even want to tell you, it was so embarrassing. He was so crucial to the movie

That the scene couldn't wait till lunch You gotta fucking tell us And you couldn't fly the 6 a.m. You couldn't take the 6 a.m. Who was it? Do you remember? I forget what his name was, but he was a retired Quarterback. O.J. Simpson.

No, he was retired like quarterbacked out. I haven't even know what position he played. That wasn't any good. But he was a sweetheart of a guy He was a fucking... Brett Farve. No, he was a fucking dudes of us. Dennis Rodman.

No, and... Babe Ruth. I don't know. It was fucking crazy that they flew him in. Nice guy. They flew him in for one scene. He ended up staying like four days. And each night, like the next morning, people were like,

Doug, the juice of him. He was lit to the fucking girls, like, passed out that type of drunk. He was enjoying himself. Good guy, you know, he was there at 8 in the morning the next day. Like, nothing happened. Gotta give him props. That's how you judge a man. That's a functioning, yeah.

That's a functioning motherfuckers. Yeah. But, no, that type of shit pisses you off, you know. And just for you people who want to join Sag and shit, get ready. It's not what it used to be. It's not glamorous. You know, like, if you do a Netflix job now, you can't really get a raise. Yeah.

Because Netflix don't give you account. No, they don't. They don't let you know what their... They don't let you know what your show is doing. They don't let you know the data. Nothing. They don't know nothing. It's smart on their end, but it's also kind of sneaky.

That was taking a shower. You know, you ever do it? take a shower and you get weird thoughts all the time shit not sexual nothing no your brain is just like you're somewhere else and i was thinking about an interview with jennifer aniston when she was interviewed for uh one of those the actress studio and she told a pretty interesting story maybe it wasn't it was it was jennifer aniston and she told the story of how when she booked friends after they shot the pilot they took them to los vegas to celebrate yeah And the guy that wrote the pilot or the showrunner or the head producer sat all six of them down and gave them all $5,000 or $500 and said, go spend this in the casino.

This is going to be the last time you're going to be able to walk through a casino. He said that. He said that. He's $500 for each of you. I want you to walk to the casino and spend this. Because once this show is, you guys will never be able to do this again. Jesus. That's crazy.

And he, I mean, to know, whether he knew it or not, I mean, that that became reality except for Ross. You don't like Ross? Like, you got to consider. Do you even, like, what's his name, Schneider? Swimmer. Exactly. He started directing us. But listen, those guys made so much money.

So, they're still making it. It didn't really matter. They're making money from China. Whether they had talent or they didn't have talent. They are rolling. They don't even need to take another project. I can't even imagine like why ABC's crying because I know for fact, NBC right now is putting that fucking friend's reboot.

You know it. Somewhere in motion. Yeah. If you don't think that NBC already got the calls out. Yeah, you know what do you think? Yep. You think we can put it back together. Will and Grace is back.

Will and Grace is back. Any day now. Full house is back. Remember, those chicks are getting. a million episode when the show broke up that's their quote gee that's their quote gee they got together they got together they were smart they unionized themselves they uninized themselves so

yeah those motherfuckers come back at a rate of 750 an episode or something like that to start off for the first 10 you can live the rest of your life and you know what if they get launched it doesn't matter because Netflix don't give a fuck Netflix will say friends come over here and do 100 episodes we'll pay each each of years a million a fucking episode we don't give a fuck you're worth it to us yeah we'll pay the big NBC what do you want and we're gonna fly shit in over yeah we're gonna fly shit in over yeah we're gonna fly shit

you want your favorite pizza from Chicago you want a little deep dish it really is crazy where TV is now and nothing is really knocking them dead guys no like that's what you really have to believe because of podcast and and all this free content like Lee doesn't have cable TV I don't either really I got rid of it so you live off the computer Yeah, and I chisel into stone. So you have Netflix and... I got Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, HBO thing. I got...

Showtime, go. Like, I wasn't... I was scrolling. I was spending 30 minutes rolling through the cable and not picking anything. You know, it's like 37 channels, a C-SPAN. Like, and like 16 other channels were, you know, Mexican football. Like, I couldn't even find something to land on. And then like the other two are keeping up with the Kardashians.

I was like, fuck this shit. It's amazing how many nights I turned the TV on. I go, what the fuck is going on? Where's the program? 300 channels. And I'm watching. And I'm watching fucking Law & Order. I love Law & Order.

An episode that I've seen three times already. 17 times, Vincent Donofrio. No, no, I'm talking about the other ones. Oh, the newer ones? He's a purest. I'm a purist. Oh, you're talking Jerry O'Bron. Yeah, Jerry, the fucking guy who donated.

Yeah, Jerry. Orville. Rodenbocker. Jerry Orbach. He donated his eyes. Did he? Yeah, when he passed away. Yeah, like Jerry Orbach.

And the best combination is Jerry O'Back and Mr. Big. I like DeNafrio. DeNafrio was fun. Yeah. DeNafrio is great, but that sex in the city bad, that's nesting thoughts. No, it's not. No, it's criminal intent. Yeah, yeah, C.I.

Whatever. The same. Criminal intent. That's not just rape. See, I hate that. But, no, I'm a regular fucking lawn order guy. I like Benjamin Brat. That was a nice combination.

That was good. That was good. I like him with the black guy. Ice tea. I like the black. No, no, that's SVU. That's SVU. God damn.

God, get it together, though. So what black guy are you talking about? The black guy that came on and was with Jerry Orbach and then you know who came on for a while. And then, you know who came on for a while that was pretty fucking good. Because after a one, once Jerry Orbach that, I know who came on a while was pretty fucking Christopher Maloney. No, that's definitely the other thing. Dennis Farina. With the black dude.

And he was. was good. The first episode, they're like, why is Dennis Farina carry so much money? Because Dennis Farina would carry money with a rubber band and drove the cops crazy. He thought, was he a gangster? And he just had that happen. I forgot that Dennis Farina was on that. Dennis Farina replaced Jerry Orbaugh. That's like the longest running shows. For about 20, 30 years now.

Everybody was, everybody worked. It's been over for a while, but. It's been over for like six years now. Yeah, it's been all for six years. They'll bring that back. You want it back, Lee? I mean, I don't have cable either, but. Did you get a drink of water?

Because you look so thirsty. He's got soda, two waters. His lips look parched. I know. Those shit's like chapped as fuck. He's got meatball sandwiches. You got pepperoni at your toes. Don't sell me down the river.

You brought me in the meatball sandwich. Don't sign me down the river. Nobody's telling you down the river. I'm telling me down the river. I just randomly have a meatball sandwich at work. Like that, that's something I do. Please. I got my rose butthole whites.

You had a fucking piece of pepperoni. You had a, not only was it a piece of pepperoni, that shit still looked fresh. And it was right at your foot Let me tell you something If he wouldn't have found it If we weren't here he would have ate it He would have picked it. He put it in his pocket

No I didn't I thought away This coming from a guy who eats boogers Saying I'm gonna eat a boonet Do you really? Did you just eat a booger? No no, I'm biting my fingernail Just as disgusting as a booger That's terrible What?

You biting your fingernails? Why are you nervous? No, I'm from habit. Just this is what Listen, you don't have much left Let me see your hands Let me talk can I hold your hands Oh, you have nice hands Oh, no, I have great hands

You do a really soft hands Oh, you've got great hands Yeah, you don't know They're very soft They got great hands And I cut my fingernails Before I finger You know what?

You know what? You laugh Lee, you laugh That's God's work That's God's work You gotta do that These motherfuckers come at you With like a coke nail

And they can slice Your coochie skin up Yeah Oh my goodness Like a double finger loo You're like a butcher They come at you Like a Freddie Kruger

You're butcher. So you can tell I'm married because now I don't give a fuck. I don't finger banging them. I just stick my fucking hammer. Your paw goes in there? Yeah, just the whole hammer goes in there. Oh, my God. I got fucking hair rink in here.

If I finger somebody, they'll fucking die. Like, it's like putting an old, what's that show? When you have an old tampon in you and you go with the culture shock? Culture shock. Whatever. You mean toxic shock syndrome? It's the same difference. If I finger you with a third in the middle finger right now, between the things I fingered,

The parks I've been to, the cocaine I've had on my fingers. What are you doing these parks? What are the parks been? Because they're all filthy fucking things. The planes I've been on. If I finger you start foaming from the mouth, I wouldn't be surprised. You said, what's the thing if you leave the tampon in you? Culture shock.

Yeah, whatever the fuck. I can't. Toxic shock. Whatever the fucking. Culture shock. I don't fucking know. It's some type of shock. I know if I left the same toilet paper in my ass hole for two days,

you'd have some type of fucking shock. You reach back there. You pull that piece of toilet paper out. It's cuffed up in your asshole. Lee, there's definitely toilet paper in your asshole. No right now. I'm doing okay. When I get bigger, I did that a couple times.

That's why I travel with my wipes because I like to keep my lady parts fresh because I'm a lady. I'm a lady. But Rosewater? So when does the weed store open, lady? Every time that the laws change, we have to adjust. So we're at the process of our license going in and now we're just crossing. our fingers. So hopefully we're going to have some good news. We got the location.

Yeah, you weren't in town that weekend, but our location's amazing. And so we're just waiting for, you know, hopefully we have enough of an incentive for the city to want to do business with us. How much? How fast is it growing down there? Crazy.

I mean, you know, you're more likely to get the license if you're doing like a social equity exchange or you're giving back to the community because then it shows that you're going to actually have some sort of mutually beneficial business as opposed to just selling weed. You know, they're trying to make it so that the neighborhood surrounding these dispensaries are improving the neighborhood itself.

So you have to like sponsor a baseball team or something? You know, something like that shit. No, but it's more involved. It's like actually, you know, giving back to the community and doing actual things that help them. That's nice, I guess. I mean, you know, it's, I just hope it happens soon. Me too. You're good?

You can crack your back? I went to cry with therapy today. You went to cry. Yo, I saw a video of you in there. Is it like when the first time you went in, does it hurt? Is it so cold it hurts? And did you want to get out? No.

You, you know, man. When I did those drugs, all those. years yeah I stopped being because when you're a criminal at least you take chances yeah I was fitting in windows I was going into attacking people through roofs oh my Jesus you know I was always doing something to the adventure after I got out of a cario yeah after I got out of the prison yeah I did the comedy it was going into the unknown not knowing but once I got hooked on the drugs it wasn't like that no more comedy was just second-hand yeah it was uh when I really got hooked was 2000, but that time I was doing comedy 12 years, nine years, 10 years, it was pretty good,

I was a regular at the store, you know, so all those little things helped. And I just became a junkie after that. Wow. So for all those years, I didn't really take chances, I didn't do nothing, and it was weird that, let's be honest, Rogan's a dear friend of mine and shit, but he's got that Hollywood mentality from time to time. Right. When people are lifting weights, no, no, no, I'm already doing kettlebells.

When people start doing kettlebells, no, no, no, I'm doing fucking bats. Elk taint. I'm squatting with elk tape. There's always something with those people. But one thing for sure, he has great motives. Like, he has everything he does do, if you do it the way he does, it is great. Like, we have discussion about working out, him and I. And now the work that I do is inspired by what he told me.

Yeah, and you're getting results. I was doing the right workout, but I was doing a little bit too much. He goes, no, you're doing too much. Yeah. Do half of that and stretch. Yep. It'll be better for you. Yeah.

And now everything changed. Yep. And so when he was on about cryotherapy, I'm like, this is another one of those holly. That's what I thought, too. There's another one of those Hollywood things. Right. It's like Pilates. And then I got really interested in recovery.

Yeah. I'm not 29. I'm not 35. Right. I'm 55. And yeah, let's be honest. I knocked my wife up at 49. So there's some chiseled juice and that motherfucker left.

Yeah. And I still give my wife stabbing. And I still like, I give my wife stabbing. I don't know what kinds of those are. I was talking to a friend of mine from grammar school. And I said something to her. And she goes, do you still get hard or something? Like, she's crazy.

Yeah. And I go, what would make you say that? And she goes, please. I go on dates of guys all the time of your age. They can't. They can't. Dog, I go, I get good hard arms. They're not like when I was 14, 15 when you get those.

Rock. I mean, it's, you're going to. Gessima's here. Get up cuckusker. Yeah. No, no, no, no. You're not going to have that. Somebody was talking the other day.

They were going, my dick don't even work no more. A friend of mine was yelling. He's two years old. He's like, Joey, my dick, Coco, my dick don't even hurt no more. He goes, sometimes it dies. And he was in my head,

I'm banging the fuck out of it. And my wife was looking at me like something's weird. I'm banging it. And he goes, I can't even feel it. It's not hard now. I go, oh, my God, you guys are scaring me. That's the day I went outside to the kettlebells. Whenever I feel my dick ain't working,

I do kettlebells. You got to rough that area up. Cettlebells, some cleans, cleans, some squats. You get that betoova-toe gland going. Whatever that gland you need, peti-titu-e-gland, whatever the fuck it is.

That's the gland you need to spread everything out to the fucking Umagata here. Yeah, oh, my got to. I love all these technical terms. Yeah, you got to drop in a lot. People don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. That all I'm talking about. Holy fuck.

That whole squat, deadlift, does something to your body. that sets it off and your dick will be working you know what I'm telling you this is this is my experience guys I love jiu-jitsu and I love throwing kicks with Jesus throwing kicks with Jesus yeah kick movie tie and night the morning like a memoir title but I tell you what I go in that yard I take a 35 pound kettle bow I'll do some squats I thought you're gonna say I take a 35 pound dump I was like scared I'll do some fucking swings yeah and then I'll do some cleans but the strength is we

We take an 18 pound. Yeah. And we just push it three quarters on a Turkish. Just a little bit. Yeah. I don't know what you're saying, but I know it's a workout stuff. Yeah, you just do three sets of five on each. Just gentle.

You don't have to kill yourself. No, you don't have to kill yourself. That night you'll be selling the computer looking on a Facebook. And you feel your muscle. And you'll be a girl with shorts up. Yeah. And then you feel that muscle. You feel that helmet.

You feel that helmet. The helmet. And you make sure your door. This happens to you too, right, Jessamine? Yeah, my helmet is hard. right now. The little clitorious mama locus. My helmet is.

The green medallisha with the two-prong crown. That's a long one. Oh, yeah. It's a green metal leesie with the two-prong crown. You know what I'm saying? Da, nah, da, da, da, da, da. This is part of the Me Too movement, this podcast. Oh, my God.

I don't think so. Let me give some shoutouts real quick. Yeah. I have to go to. Christy Bellich, my girl, Ryan B. Silly Wabbit. Big Thumb Terry, Adam N.V., Aaron Oliver Roberts, Fitzman 73, Ronnie Martinez, and my man Tunnel Snakes Rule. Don't forget the 13th and 14th of July. I'm at the South Point Casino in Las Vegas.

Then the 26 and the 27th. Oh shit. Oh shit, Mormons, sharpen your dicks and bury your wife. Uncle Joey's coming to Salt Lake City. wise guys Friday and Saturday four shows don't come crying to me Joey you didn't tell me please give me tickets I don't know nothing I don't know nothing What's going on just a minute?

Oh man Pappaloos You're fucking good Thank you so much I have to I have to leave you guys soon We'll take your time but hurry up Just stay till 915 Call them

Tweet tax them tell me on your way Tell me you going up halfway In the lineup you're gonna bury it I'm hosting it's my show Oh no No, look at you. You bad, motherfucker. I mean, you know, just...

Good for you, man. You want stage time. You got to create your own shit sometimes. No, good for you. Thank you. Listen, there's a lot of women that complain. And there's a lot of women that just do. Yeah, you gotta just do.

A plan. Well, it's this, it's that. It's always something. The comedy's only puts up two women a night, well, then, you know what? Hang out. What are you doing to do? What are they do? They put up Justin Martindale.

Yeah. He's fucking gay. It's fucking. I don't give a fuck. You think Justin Martindale complains? No. There's people who just are born to complain. And, you know, when you get here, if this place don't give you a spot, you got two options.

You could cry about it or you go somewhere and do spots. Yeah, you just find a place to do spots. A spots, a spot. They're not ready for you and you're not ready for them. No. Assume that's a situation goes somewhere else. Yeah. If you go somewhere else, build it and they'll come to you.

That's it. You just got to pivot. Even fucking Lee, host on Saturday. I'm very proud of Lee. Did he? He took a little fucking Russian restaurant. And guess what? There's people showing up. Yeah.

Irene told me there's people actually showing up now on Saturday night. It was busy. We were doing the UFC thing here, but the week before we had like 25, 30 people there. That's awesome. You know, comedy is like anything else. You know, everybody wants. Everybody wants it to be easy. All this stuff.

Like the bluebird happy is going to knock on your door. No, it's just a minute. You're busy. No one's ever. Hold on. I got something for you. Here's dates. Yeah.

Here's people that want tickets. No. You got to go get it. You got to get up. You got to put a smile. on your face. Yep. And you know what?

This business, we're in this comedy business. Once you realize, listen, I wish I told you it's about the funny. It's not about the funny. It's about commitment. Yep.

Your love for it and showing people that you know how to have a good time. And like also speaking about shit that you've experienced. Not just trying to be funny, but just talking about your shit. You know what I mean? Because of the podcast age, people are seeing what the real funk is. Yeah.

Who's bringing the funk or who's faking the funk? Yeah. the podcast changed everything. It changed comedy essential. It changed a lot of fucking things. It gave people's perspective. I'm like, hmm, how come these guys were never on this? Yeah.

And these guys are the ones that are fucking funny. These are the guys that talk to me. These are the guys that I relate to, you know. So what this guy did a little time? Like, I always am very self-conscious about doing time. I talk about it because I have to. Yeah. I have to let people know who the fuck you are.

Yeah. But deep down inside, I'm like, fuck, you know, when people come up and take a picture of it, me and they're like man thank you for listening to the podcast I'm there sitting like if this motherfucker knew what I was doing 15 years ago he wouldn't have his fucking arm around me no not even they don't even know 25 years ago two days ago he wouldn't have his fucking arm around yeah the day my friend called me he's like hey man uh and something happened I was on loyal king and I lost the call and I tried to call him back and sometimes on loyal king and the phone call goes through

but sometimes you just it just go oh it died It does. As much as you try. Nothing. And I usually call people. You better not die on Laurel Canyon. I usually talk to people. As soon as I start getting on Laurel Canyon,

I start calling people that I owe phone calls to it. You know what I'm saying? You got that to me all the time. And I hope to get them off by the time I get the third light on from. I'm hitting the dead zone. Or if not, they're like, let me ask you something. I'm like, wait, there we go. And all of a sudden, they're like, let me ask you something.

Back that time. And there's nothing. And you're like, hello. Hello. Hello? And they're like, okay, and you don't hear nothing. Yeah. And then you don't get a phone call back to you pass cold.

What's at the top? Mo Holland. Moholland. There's Coldwater Creek. By the time you get like a quarter mile, you get phone call on. Once you start doing those swerving, no. Nothing. On the way down to Ventura.

Yeah. And then once you pass that one fucking 90-mile-hour cliff, yeah. Yeah, you're good to go. Yeah. You can call anybody. Yeah. I'm on the phone with Moisey, over there and fucking after the conversation with Trump

to find out what happened with Trump is. You know what I'm saying? I wonder how many fucking... Culture shock. I'm going to have many blow jobs, Trump and that fucking little Korean guy got last night in Singapore. Can you even imagine? Oh my God.

They were getting singer. They were eating out these Singapore chicks. Oh, my God. And they're all splashing your face, Lee. They got those pussies that... Every Singapore chick does that? Oh, that's why they call them Singapore sling. That cocktail?

No, shut up. Are you serious? Yeah, man. That pussy was. water tastes like Singapore sling. Like I've had it in my mouth and I've held it in my mouth and gargled it a little bit. I used to have a girlfriend that would spray me.

What's that called? Squirt. And at first I didn't know what it was. There was no internet. I couldn't look at it up. But after a while I ate it out. I just learned how I would finger hunt until she squirt and I would open my mouth like a fucking like a sabbatore at the ocean.

And I would love it when she's and I could feel it. Like I feel the Singapore? No, she was a white jacket. No, she's from Sacramento. Oh, okay. She's from Santa Cruz. Oh, when they squirt, it's tremendous, Lee, Sire. Tremendous.

You can see the fucking hornet getting filled, and it just fucking, and it just starts squirting you. And you get to run away like a bitch. I open up your mouth and take it like a man. Like a homeless person in a fountain. Holy shit. Oh, my God. Wow. Lee, if a chick squirts, Lee, what would you do?

No, that would be awesome. Would you take the squirts? no matter if it tastes the fishy water or something. We'll see what happened. They don't know what it tastes like emulsive of car. Like fish eyeballs, grind it up with sugar. I think the woman who might have had an issue,

I don't think it's supposed to taste like that. Yes, it is. The better than the stronger, the more pungent, the better is for you. Every time I see you, you're just like in this. When a woman has a baby. Catatonic state. When a woman has a baby,

she has something afterward, comes out. The placenta. Yeah. The after birth. And you plant it in the yard. Sure. But some people cook it, don't they? They chop it up with parmets.

Parmesan and fucking peppers. Cannibals, yeah, I think cannibals are you, you give it to your kids. Next thing you know, nobody's allergic to peanuts. I'm going to go on stage tonight and tell everybody I was late because Joey was giving me a placenta parmesan. I can't even Google that. That's illegal to Google.

Let me tell you something. People fucking cook that shit out. No, they don't. They do. They do. Women eat the placenta because it's filled with stem cells. You won't get the flu for 22 fucking years. You understand?

I'll take it. It's like sucking 18 drinks. drinking the sperm. It's the fountain of you. I'll just take NyQuil. I don't care. Oh, my God. No, but placenta is real.

I mean, they make products out of placenta. It's crazy. Human placenta? Get some black market placenta. Put that in my fucking, like, Christmas stocking. For real, some black market placenta. I didn't need to know this. Or like a nice lotion.

Just like baby. What are you sweating about me? That's the most disgusting thing. When you said something about squirt and he started sweating. I know. I like squirting and this is this poor kid. The placenta three of you. over the edge. Let me tell you some little placenta

with some mozzarella on a piece of fucking roll the cedar roll. You wouldn't even know. Do the powers work for men too or is it just a woman? It's just a woman. So why do you eat it? Let me tell you something. You look pretty and ever. Your skin looks beautiful. Thank you. I'm happy and love them. I'm sorry you don't have enough time. I don't want you to get to your show late. I wish I could be here all night.

I don't want you to do 90 down the fucking hell. I wish I could stay here all night long. I love you. Thank you for coming on. I love you too. And you always have an open door. Don't be a stranger you come on whenever fuck you want that's it I appreciate you I appreciate you too yeah I'm headed to Disneyland with my family

fuck good luck with that ticket god damn those hot dogs are like 37 dollars what are you gonna do eat them you're gonna fucking eat them I work hard all year yeah I don't smoke it's not like I'm a Sainty's brands and a fucking butler I think you need to put that on a t-shirt

I'm 55 yeah everything I do now is so she don't end up like I did if something Something happens. Yeah. I get it. Okay. Something happens.

I remember my wife, we're in good shape. Yeah. They can at least get out of here. Mm-hmm. And that's it. Yeah. Got to take care of yourself. Mm-hmm.

You got to drink water. You got to drink water. You got to drink water. You really do. Micholadas and water. Yeah. No, I saw you drinking that Micholada. I'm so ghetto.

Do you ever drink one at, you ever stop at El-Compadre? No. El-comadre? That's where they got the Michiladas are on point. Oh. I'm gonna go check them out. And you get the one with the Mithchalada and the seafood in it. What?

So you drink the meat, you drink it. It's got shrimp and fucking scallops and little baby shrimp with pieces of avocado and that motherfucker. This is El Campado. Oh, yeah. They're like 16 apiece. But you get two of those. It sounds like it's worth it. Oh, you get two of those and your clit swells up like fucking Harvey Weinstein's head.

That's what it looks like. What? What did you call her clip? Where am I? What was the Martian? The clip. It swells like Harvey Weinstein's head. Where do you go from that?

You show it to other men and they're crumble. Look at this clip, bitch. It looks like Harvey. Oh, my God. It's a helmet. To picture Harvey with his tooth out. You know what the saying? Are you nuts or what here?

Gessimae Paluso, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my God. I can't get over culture shock. Yeah, fuck it. That's a tampon when you leave it in there for a few hours. Diaz. I love you, Diaz. You start playing handball and shit.

You always give me a call. You're like, wait a string. Next thing you know, that string goes up, that monkey. No, you've got to keep the string out. If you don't, you can't lose the string. That's when you forget it's in there. I used to eat this chicken. I tucked the string on the pussy.

That was the game we play. Oh, my God. Tuck the string and your little monkey and I'll suck it out. Oh, my God. No. You've never played that game? Save me. No.

Oh, yeah. That's a... One time I did, like, slip it out. I hate all that shit. But what I do like is I give a tea in the butt. I'm banging in the butt. And then it shoots out. The tampon shoots out.

I take it and I work it like a fucking swami from salami, like a little dick and a little dicking and a little monkey. And it squirts a little blood like I'm stabbing you at the end. Oh, Jesus. Like it's like where do we go from here? Right before the pussy's going to die. It's that last breath of fresh air. Oh my God. Therapy. Please, I had.

I love you motherfuckers. Don't forget the seven, I don't even know. 713, 14th to South Point. And at the end of the month in July, wise guys in Salt Lake City. I want to thank Jessamy Puluso one more time for coming on. I'm going to thank the Christkiller. But most importantly, I want to thank you motherfuckers. Yo, Fuji, what is it?

Fujisports.com. They got the MacDaddy Gies, the fucking everything in the world of martialize. They've been around since Godzilla. Go to Fuji Sports.com right now and press in. Church? Boom. 10% off delivered right to your fucking crib. You know what I'm saying?

And you help out the podcast from the heart. Number two, listen, when it comes to supplements, honest, it's the only way I roll. Whether it's the alpha brain, the shroom tech, the new protein pilot, whatever the fuck it's called. They got a new, uh, audit six. It's six week course. You pay for it. You do jumping jacks and body weight exercising your fucking house.

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sausage. It'll change your whole fucking life. Go to honor.com right now and press in. Church. Boom. And there you go.

Get 10% off the Liberty house. Talk to me, Jessum. That sounds delicious. Some bacon elk sausage. That's probably Joe Rogan's breakfast.

I'm telling you. I don't know what the fuck he's doing with that thing. He might have killed that elf. He eats an elk taint every morning, this motherfucker. Yeah, you can find me at jessime. Check me out.

I got my Sharp Tongue podcast, my High Larry's podcast. And I am, I feel very happy that You had me back. Yes, whenever you want. You check in on me. That means a lot.

I always got to check in on my sisters and brothers in the comedy world who give a fuck about me. I love you. Thank you guys very much for coming on tonight listening. And I want to thank the Christkiller. You got your shout out of, that's it, motherfuckers. See your father's day. I love you, motherfucker. Stay black.

Kick that mulee.