The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #594 - Eddie Bravo

Episode Date: June 18, 2018

Eddie Bravo, founder of 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu the Eddie Bravo Invitational, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.    This podcast is brought to you by:   FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 06/17/2018.


Greetings from Podcastville. The church of what's happened now is brought to you by Fujisports.com. Listen, for your geese, your mats, your shin guards, your mouthpieces, your fucking mooey tie gloves, there's only one stop. And that's fucking Fuji Sports.com. All my geese are Fuji.

That's all I fucking live in Fuji. I'm a fat fuck. What happens is I get in your guard, you tug, your tug, you tug on my neck. Like I'm about to commit suicide. Like I'm Anthony Bordane. But you never get me. Because I got a Fuji guy.

It's tougher. You can hang on. my fucking ghee like a fucking gorilla and you won't rip that motherfucker that's why i only run with fuji sports so do yourself a favor you're looking for a guy a fat man gie a five a six fuji sports is your answer for it go to fuji sports dot com right now and press in church bam and get 10% off delivered right to your motherfucking crib that's how we do it help out the podcast number two honor's got a new thing it's called on it six it's a six weeks transformational Transformational exercise program.

You're going on it. You log in. I think it's $49 for six weeks. You work out with Arbery, I think, one of his buddies for an hour, every day in the privacy of your own home. Fucking phenomenal. Give it a shot. Like I'm saying, if it's either that or the supplements,

Onet's always there for you. Whether it's Alpha Brain or the Shroom Tech or the fucking protein powders, whatever you need, they got you covered. Go to Onet.com right now and press in. Church? Bam! And get 10% off delivered to your motherfucking crib. tell you something, the future is here.

I've been telling you cock suckers for years that the future's here. They got here. You people that want roller skates that fly in the air. That's great. You know what I got? I got breeze.

I got breezed 1,000 milligram breath mints. Listen to this. Listen, listen. That's a breath spray right there, cuck suckers. 10 fucking shots of fucking spray. That's the future. You understand me?

When you go to your little weed store, tell him, Uncle Joey says, I want the breeze spray. Where the fuck is the breeze spray? and the breeze mince. That's what you need. Kick this fucking meal, Lee. It's Monday morning.

We're going old school. Old school fucking opening for you today. It's the church, happy belated Father's Day. I don't even know what the date is. It don't fucking matter. It's the 18th of fucking June. Slinging dick and giving out chopsticks. It's Monday, motherfucker.

You got to justify your fucking existence. And if you're going to justify it, You gotta grab your balls and salute the flag. Fuck the Koreans. Fuck the Cuban. Fuck everybody. It's Monday? It's Monday, bitch.

It's a beautiful day to be alive. Oh shit. It sounds like making love like this. Here we go. Bamb, bam, bam. Eddie Bravo, the Christ killer. Uncle Joey. It's Monday, motherfuckers.

Here we go. That's fucking Sammy Hagar. Hey, there's a... This is Sammy Hagar with Ronnie Montrose, like 19, fucking 70 something. Ablee, can you play Making Love by Kiss? Just 15 seconds. Yeah, it sounds just like this watch. Making Love Kiss.

I don't know which one came out first, but basically... There you go. There's... Oh, Jesus Christ. There you go. That's Making Love right there. We're opening up fucking Father's Day strong. Tremendous.

Tremendous. Keep like. Keep it up. What about, Mrs. Sound? A rock and roll over. Yeah. And Kiss Alive, too. This is tremendous.

And double platinum. Yeah, I don't know what year that came out. That year, Ronnie Montrose, who the fuck knows? What's going on to there, bro? Space Station, what year did that come on? Space Station number five. Because Making Love came out in 76, 77. Yeah, so maybe Montrose lifted it.

lifted it. It's a very basic riff. There's a there's actually five million songs like like this. Yeah, no. There's another song that sounds like this too by Michael Schenckler. There's another song by Rush that sounds a little like this. It's weird. If you blackout by by scorpions it's similar to that too. Yeah, the beginning of blackout. You're right. Blackout was such a fucking Hughes album if people remember that song crushed me. That song. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I I actually didn't want to like Scorpions because when you're a kid, you kind of attach yourself to a band like a football team. Like the album that you bought, like if I bought a kiss record, none of my other friends are going to buy Kiss records. They're just going to borrow mine and tape it.

Right. And then if my buddy buys Rush, I'm not going to buy Rush. Now that's his band. I'm going to tape that shit, right? But whoever owns the master, like the album, that's like their band. You know what I mean? So I didn't want to like Scorpions because. Eric bought Scorpions. He bought Scorpions first,

so I was gonna fuck with Scorpions, just borrow a shit when I borrow Blackout, and I put fuck in the song, Blackout on? Fuck! That song destroyed me. I played on my stepdad's Fisher stereo

when he was at work. I wasn't allowed to play my records on his stereo, but when he's at work, because he had two speakers. I had one speaker in my room. I didn't even know what stereo was. So I thought I would listen to Kiss Records,

but only hear one guitar. I didn't understand Stereo. I didn't know that was more. music coming out of the other speaker. So when I'd play my kiss records on my dad stereo, my stepdad stereo when he was at work, I was like what the fuck? There's new parts in this shit. I heard like other guitar parts. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? He's got like a magical stereo. Didn't get it. I was like seven. Anyways. Tremendous. Tremendous. I love all this shit. But Blackout fucked me up. Blackout is the song, man. I was like, fuck. I don't really

want to like them. Scorpions that much, but shit, you can't deny it. They got a couple of songs on an album. That's the same. On the other side, they got one of my favorite songs they've ever done that wasn't a wrestler. Strippers dance to it a lot. What's the name of them? Yeah. Dun-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-a-na-na- I don't fucking know. It's just one of those jazz. Scorpions are a weird band because I got into them. I got into like what my favorite scorpion was is animal magnetism. Mm-hmm. The chick's about to blow the dog. or something like that.

She's kneeling down next to a fucking Doberman Pincher or something like that. They had a couple good songs. They had a lot of good songs, but I was trying to resist him. I mean, I didn't like the guy's vocals. I didn't like the fact. I'm not crazy about this. I didn't like the fact that you can hear his accent in the music. You know what I mean?

For some reason, as a kid, it was hard for me to accept. Like, you can tell, like, you know, live, you would go, I don't know, California! You know, he sounded like he was Asian, you know. It was, nah, the Hitler concept was, yeah,

and he was four foot eight, and he had, he didn't have good hair. I just judged too much on appearance. But the guitar players were fucking phenomenal. All of them.

Lodh, Rutherh, Rutherhankham, Michael, and there's a funny video I'm fucking Michael just torturing Rudolph. He covered the band.

He carried the band. He's a fucking bum. Tremendous shit. Thank you for coming to Disneyland. Oh, dude. Are you kidding? That was awesome, that was surreal,

because I wanted to, we were going to go to Legoland first. And my wife called me back, she goes, bro, it's two hours. She's going to puke 18 times. Yeah. Why don't we just pull the fucking trigger and go to Disneyland? And I was like, let's do it. So look up, you know, whatever. And she came back and she goes, I don't want to tell you, well, let's go.

And my wife called you a wife, and I'm happy that the kids had a great time. Well, the thing that was special about this is, We didn't have to wait on any goddamn lines, man. You got that Jennifer Lopez ticket. We went right on. I can't go back to Disneyland any other way now. I can't do it. I got used to it.

I got spoiled. Having a guide walk you to any ride you want. Because that fast pass shit, that shit don't work. You buy fast pass and you check the app and like nothing's available. That's some bullshit. That's a rip off. And well, I don't want to say a ripoff. I don't want to say bullshit.

I'm just, it's not what I expected. I take that back. I don't want to get sued. I take that back. You know what the fuck happened the other day? I haven't talked you really about it. We get up, you know, whatever. We all meet at nine.

We're going to get the tour guide to whatever. I think we got high, right? Did we get high upstairs? No, I didn't. No, I didn't. No. I had an edible in my pocket. I had a fucking tushy, a TKO edible in my pocket.

And I'm like, it's Disneyland. What, you know, what's the big fucking deal? So as I walk in, they got metal detectors. And me being the asshole that I am, I took that tissue out of my pocket. Oh, no. None of the 10, I leave that shit in my pocket. Yeah.

It's not going to ring. And if it does ring, oh, well, then you go, oh, it's this breath mint or whatever. And they look at it and they let you go. Yeah. I took it out of my pocket, and this chick's like, oh, you can't go in with that. You have to bring that back to your room. Like, okay, no problem. I go, honey, and you're right there.

And Drake was right there. My wife and my daughter are right there. And I go, let me go back to the room and put this. Now, my idea wasn't, I wasn't going to go back to the room. I was going to go to the hallway in the hotel, eat a piece, and come back. And that's exactly what I did. I went to the hallway, and I ate a piece, and I drew the other piece away. I ate 100 milligrams.

That's all I needed. I didn't want a fucking ton of anxiety in this point. I just wanted something to get me in the park and get me wiggling. You know what I'm saying? Just to get me wiggling. I fucking eat it. I walk back up. I go up to the girl, and she goes, we had somebody follow you.

You didn't go. Oh, my God. Yeah, it was the creepiest thing ever. That you want to piss me off? You want to piss me off? Pull some police shit on me or fucking question me or fucking tell me what to do. Like that shit drives me crazy. All that shit drives me crazy.

And when you pull that police, that amateur police shit on me, that really pisses me the fuck off. You really want to piss me off, pull that amateur shit on me. So she starts telling me that I didn't throw it away. And I'm like, listen. I threw it away and I go listen let's cut this shit if you don't want me in here since you threw him up because I got pissed I go since you put fucking the inspector on me let's go we spent a lot of money for this we don't need this shit I'll cancel right now and she's like well I didn't say that I go no no that's what you're saying I go number two I go you know what between you and I you don't get paid enough you don't get paid enough to give a fuck about this shit this is an easy job that you're just creating heat for yourself

And I would never say that to somebody, but I'm sick and fucking tired. I'm 55. I hate that fucking amateur cop shit. I always have. You're an amateur cop. They're giving eight bucks an hour to be a security guard. That's what you are. Take it for granted.

You're not going to stop no criminals. You're getting eight bucks an hour. Why are you getting so he-ho about this fucking job? You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, you've been watching the town when they're going to rob that bank, and Ben Affleck keeps telling him, I don't like that guy. He buckles his boots up too high. He's a fucking security guard.

He's getting six bucks an hour, but he thinks he's fucking Rambo. There's those guys out there. I know people who do that job will tell you, rob me. I don't give a fuck. I'm not pulling out my gun for $18 an hour, dog. I'm not pulling it out. I know motherfuckers that have come to me over the years and go,

dog, I'm guarding a million bucks on a Tuesday night for fucking 16 an hour. Come hit me in there with a stick and take that money with Tangerillas. But if you really fucking believe that they give them, fuck about you and they really they don't give a fucking mind you I mean that night I went home and on TV there was a thing about Disney they didn't even get in 15 bucks an hour so this chick is busting my fucking balls about an edible it's not her park who gives a freedom saying like what is wrong with fucking people and you want me tell what really pissed me off that I love to call her a white fuck but she

was Mexican that's what really pissed me off she was Mexican trying to act like fucking Mildred knock it off you're not fucking what's those cops on TV we were kids on CBS, the two wives. Chips? No, that's the two Mexicans with the fucking guy on the motorcycle. That shit pisses me up. But regardless of that, the security guard came out, they go, we're gonna call our boss.

The boss came out and the boss asked what happened. I got a fucked up knee and I brought that with me. She told me, I don't need somebody following me back. The lady goes, her name is Marta or something and the guy's name is whatever. Do you want to press formal charges? And I go, no, I just wanna fucking be left alone. She put out her hand.

You saw me, and I shook her hand, and I left. Wow. That was how fast that went. We didn't do nothing. But let me tell you something. I'm not going to argue with that little chubby Mexican chain. Because let me tell you something. Those fucking edibles are not good on the ride.

Oh, my God. Oh. I got a lot of videotape. Oh, I know you do. I'll be it with my eyes closed. All of them. People were telling me, you should make that a show. Go to all these amusement parks like,

Kurt Kreischer used to do and just videotape Joey on roller coasters that's a pretty good idea but for this show you'd have to make them wait in the line a little bit it's fine just to get him fired up when you smoke when you smoke weed and get on a roller coaster's one thing when you didn't add a but you got on a roller coaster you start thinking about all the fucking roller coaster accent every time you hit and you go up you're like I'm flying off this fucking building that's what I'm scared about like when we went down storm we went down the last one what was it the heavy duty one at the end when you it's all black and shit oh uh space mount space mountain i was worried about my daughter if she falls out of that thing you'll never see her again

it's the fuck that's why it's black you know many people are falling out of that many kids how many people have gotten to the bottom where's my kid pool and all of a sudden they get them and they hold them and they risk you away in a car and your kids never seen again that's where they fucking take your kids in disdeland that's you got to watch your fucking kids that's who steals your kids That's a perfect place to be a fucking pedophile in Disneyland. A white van pulls up. Disney World just got busted. For what?

They arrested some employees that were up to no good. You didn't hear about that? It was all over the internet. I don't know the details. No, I mean, I don't give a fuck. See, that's why when I go to those places, you got to definitely watch the kid. But the whole thing I got out of this Thursday, that was funny, was, Daddy, we're fucking dads.

I knew you and you were a single guy and you knew me when I was a single guy. And now we're like these fucking dead. Did you ever think this day was going to happen? Never. Never. Did you think you were going to enjoy it as much as you do? I didn't.

I was actually scared that I'd be like my father. I thought, what if it's hereditary? What if I have a kid, I don't give a fuck? I was really worried about that. And then I got a bunny. I fucking fell in love with this bunny, man. And I treated it like it was my son. It was crazy.

And when it died, it fucking crushed me, man. It crushed me. Do you remember Good Time? Do you ever watch Good Times? The TV show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, after like three or four seasons, they had to kill the father off.

John Amos killed him off. And it was the season finale when Florida was on the phone and she gets the call that he's dead. And this is how the season end. She goes, damn that's exactly what I did when my wife called me to tell me the bunny who died I was on the phone I was like

damn screaming I was screaming now and at that point I thought you know what I need to have kids I'm 40 it's time to do this you know what I mean I'm getting too late I partied enough I went out I was single for you know 10 years straight I got that out I don't miss that at all You know what I mean? If you have a kid in your early 20s, it's going to be in your head that fuck, maybe I did this too soon and shit. I could be out partying, losing my life and all that shit.

When you have a kid, when you're 42, that shit's gone. Like, I don't miss that shit at all. I've done it all. I don't need it. I know what it's like. You don't miss UFCs and going to nothing. If I never went to UFC ever again, I wouldn't give a shit. I've been to too many.

It's so crazy. It's so crazy. I've been to too many. Some guy came up to me at the airport. Hey, when is your next UFC? I go, bro. I haven't gone to you. I'd rather watch that shit in my bed on my phone.

I can't go. I'm scared half the time to even go anymore. Like, I don't go. This was the time I go. Now, ICE shows up and shit. Shoot motherfuckers of the UFC. I don't need that shit, duh. Fuck that.

I made my mind up a long time. Yeah. UFC gets nutty. I mean, like Joe, I mean, he's like John Lennon and shit. He's got to hide from me. If he stops to take one picture, he's going to be sworn, but he's going to be caught up for an hour, you know, taking pictures, you know, because Joe doesn't like to turn down pictures.

And, you know, it's, it's crazy. You got to hide there. It is, it's a fucking that case, man. I don't know how he does it. I've been to every single UFC between 2003 and 2010. That was my stint. I've been, I've had enough. It's the greatest show ever invented.

I still watch them, but I don't give a shit about going to see it live anymore. Unless I'm cornering like Tony or something, then it's fun, but I'd rather watch it on my phone. We're not doing the seventh, by the way. I'm doing the Ice House. Okay. I'm just doing the seventh.

It was just funny watching you. It was funny, like for a while, I was high, and I was sitting next to Young Rides, Jesus Christ, who would have saw this coming? Like, I love being a dad. Eddie, I could have been a dad at 20. I thought it would have calmed me down. I thought it would have to give me a purpose.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I ended up having that kid when I was fucking 27. And now I don't talk to that child at all. So I felt really guilty when I knocked up Terry because I like you. I go, what if this doesn't work out? Yeah. I'm going to have two kids out there in the real world.

and I'm not a bad dad. I know, I know that this is not, this is not what I wanted with Jackie, but this is the way the cards play. There's nothing you could do about it. This is the way the hand played out. I gave up a life to get a life. Do you know what I'm saying?

Like, I'm at peace with it now because I left there, but I got something. I became a comedian. I became a human being. I pay my taxes. I go to bed early. I don't do drugs anymore.

I became a human being. So I made something in my life. I didn't do it to end up in jail. Like they thought I would, you know what I'm saying? So now I have that regret, but at the same time, I'm doing the best I could with mercy. Yeah. You know, and it shows, it reflects. The house is happy.

I didn't grow up in a happy house, neither did you. I don't like, I could see an unhappy house from a mile away. You know what I'm saying? My house is very happy now. But I had to work hard to make that house get happy. Like, you have to work hard at it. Yeah. You have to have a degree of so much input, like all this stuff.

You know, when I'm in, I love going on the road, and I love doing comedy. But guess what I love my family more? Absolutely, absolutely. And I understand the need to make a living, and that's what I basically do. I make a living. I don't try to kill myself and drive a Mercedes-Benz and get a fucking rocket. I get a $2 million house. I don't need that.

That's just too much. That would be stress on me. It's like I was telling you guys early. I finally realized what happened with the Netflix thing in Vegas. I started carrying it. I've always never fucking given a fuck. All of a sudden, now I give a fuck about the audience. You can't give a fuck.

You have to do what you do and let the audience jump on your channel. Do you know what I'm saying? You can't change what you do because the audience. So I went into it thinking a little differently. And now from now on Saturday, I thought about it. I went on stage in Sacramento. If you came to the Colusa Casino, thank you very much.

We had a great time. I want to thank my man Sergio for coming out. A bunch of people came out from the podcast, but it was one of my best sets to last too much because I didn't give a fuck. I have two hours of material. Do you know I couldn't do 25 for Netflix two weeks ago? 25.

It was like fucking pulling teeth. Pulling teeth. I couldn't do fucking. I got two hours of material. Yeah. The how crazy is that way? Pulling teeth. Couldn't come up.

up with 25, and one side I did it was 26 minutes. 27 years of doing comedy. I couldn't come up with 20, 30 minutes of material. Someone asked me recently in an interview, if I could change anything in my life, what would I do? I wouldn't change a fucking thing because if anything would have been altered, I may have not had my son, and I can't even imagine that. So I don't have any regrets.

I did a lot of fucked up shit growing up and made a lot of poor decisions, but they all led to my son and I wouldn't change anything. Listen, in this life, all we have to do is a couple things right. If you really think about it, you have like five big decisions to make. Everything else, they could be fucking slippery decisions. But those five main ones you've got to be on point for. That's it. That's it.

It's five decisions, getting into comedy, not snort and coke anymore. Yeah, look at us after all the crazy shit And how we're brought up and all the crazy shit We're at Disneyland with our wives and our children Acting like some white people And two white wives and two white wives to boot Exactly Two white wives to boot

You got white children It's It's fucking surreal what I'm living right now What I'm saying Like you know One minute you're at home You got a family And the next minute you see like fucking

Kim Kardashian at the white house like it's so fucking surreal like everything around this anymore you know you have to take but i take what's at the house i take what i could control but i try to control and that's it i'm good with that shit you know what i'm saying like i'm really good with that everything else is going to happen you can't control that shit you don't know that at 29 and 30 you finally realized that at 45 46 can't control everything you control a couple of things you control when you be when you shit. Yeah. You know, when you go to the bank,

you control a couple things if you get it. Like the Cereone, that's the only thing you can't control anything else. It's so fucking crazy. I'm not the smartest person alive right now, but man, at 30, thinking about where I was at mentally, I was dumb as shit. I didn't know fucking anything. I was so off on so much, so much, man. I was brainwashed by MTV, man.

And now looking, I'm just realizing this over the last couple years, like, holy shit, I was completely programmed by MTV and music. You know, I was chasing the mansion with all the girls and the Ferraris and all that shit my whole life. I was chasing that. I thought, okay, I'm going to make, I'm going to do it. You got to have motivation, enthusiasm. You got to keep going. You got to have good work ethic.

You got to keep working. You got to move to Hollywood. Make the music be around. All the record labels are going to get signed. going to blow up, going to sell out arenas. It's going to, you know, that was, I 100% believe that was going to happen. You know, most of my life. And now you're looking back, I'm like, fuck.

You know me. I'm a crazy motherfucker. I believe everything is a conspiracy theory. I believe everything is a conspiracy. And so I'm crazy. So, you know, what I think now is like, I used to think that, you know, with the PMRC, remember the PMRC, they're like a group of old white ladies that are trying to suppress music and try to put the warning labels on albums.

I used to think as a kid that the white people, the elite at the very top, wanted to keep us from doing bad things, wanted to keep us from exploiting our vices. I really thought that were, and, you know, I'm a kid. I'm like, fuck, I'll listen to any music I want. I'll listen to Slayer and Metallica. They're trying to tell me not to listen to it. You know, this is bullshit. Don't worry about what, you know, what we listen to. Why are you so concerned with it?

I really thought that that was the plan. They were trying to keep us good and trying to keep the family tight. But now, as crazy as I am, I totally, I think it's the opposite. I think they're pretending they were trying to keep a tight family unit. I think now they're doing everything they can. All these operations going on to break, to divide us, break up the family in any way possible. and as many ways as possible. I think at the very, at the highest level, when you look at privatized prisons, you look at hip-hop and then you look at privatized prisons, even like metal.

Look what they're doing to the kids. They're making the kids really look up to people promoting violence and remember I'm a kid. I'm growing up. I'm I hated the PMRC. I hated the the labels, but it was to me it was a trick. They're pretending they care just like think about. about this they were pretending they were fighting the war on drugs right they were pretending they were bringing the drugs in they were bringing the drugs in and they're all like dare to keep kids off drugs a war on drugs all this money came in tax money to fight the war on drugs they're bringing it in they're bringing it in and there's a now there's war on terrorism there's all there's a there's a fucking war on terrorism they're funding it and creating it fuck same thing with music it looks like they're trying to fight it and hide it

You know, or keep it at bay. They like that shit. They want fucked up families. They're trying to split up the families. They want that shit. They want us corruptible. They want to be able to corrupt us. Everyone that, you know, they can corrupt anybody.

They can blackmail anybody. They like that shit. That's how crazy I am. They want us to listen to this bullshit-ass music. They want that shit. They never tried to stop Slayer. Slayer was, I was a huge Slaher fan. They weren't trying to stop Slayer ever.

And I wonder, they were trying to stop Slayer. accuse on 2020 they had a show trying to stop Satanism in music and they had like twisted sister and like Judas Priest and all these bands and I'm 15 thinking you guys got you're way off how come you're not going after King Diamond how can you're not going after creator and destruction and slayer those guys are literally talking about Satan killing babies and dragging their souls the hell that's what their alms are about every how they're not trying to hide that shit how come you're not going to after them. They never, nobody ever touched them. They were going after like the straw men, like

twisted sister. Come on. Those guys have nothing to do with Satan. But anyway, so at 15, that's when I started to distrust. Like that was ABC 2020 and they got it all wrong. Who's doing the research? I'm 15 going, wait a me, you guys have it all wrong. So at that point, I began to distrust what the hell was going on in the media. So now, again, I'm a crazy motherfucker man. I believe in the the craziest shit. I believe that I believe trends and all of them, not just hip hip hop is the most obvious one.

That's the most obvious. You look at hip hop today. Takashi 6-9, you look at that shit, what they're promoting, they're promoting, they want, he's always,

and his Instagram, he always has stacks of cash and he's always like making it rain in every Instagram video. He's just throwing cash around, talking all sorts of shit, the baddest cars, talking shit on,

on his watches. Like, that's the biggest thing going around right now. And they're pushing the shit out of that. They ain't stopping that. It's not like the music's that good. He's all right. When do you find time to watch this shit? Because I ain't got time to watch another shit.

You're not on Instagram? I won't even watch that shit if you paid me. Yeah. It's fascinating. I wouldn't even know it's not fascinating. To me it is. Fucking, you've got to be crazy to watch that shit. Especially after you said it, that you were young and that's what you thought.

I was the same. I'm not watching it on. I'm watching it in disgust. When I was 20, I wanted to be Pablo Escobar. There was no way I was in a day job. I wasn't getting no fucking day job. My plan was to get somebody to rob them, to get $200,000 cash. You were influenced by the media, Scarface.

No, no, no, I was influenced by my childhood. There was no scar. By the time Scarface came, I was already robbing, bitches. So get that together. That was 83. By 83, I was really right. No, but no, no, no, no. I was never influenced.

by nothing like that. I was influenced by my childhood, the people I was around when I was a childhood. Arrow Smith did heroin, right? Yeah, yeah. And what year was their first album? 69, 70, 71. How old are you in 69?

I was six. Okay. I didn't even know about it. You may have been influenced by music. No, no, no, no. We were talking about this day or day. I didn't like white music. I didn't start listening to white music.

What would you listen to? Black music, Spanish music. I didn't like rock music. When I was going to Catholic school and all that shit, rock music was not on my agenda. Zeppelin, no black Sabbath, nothing like that. I was listening to Top 40, Elton John. Do you remember your first taste of the harder stuff?

Yeah, yeah. What was it? Zeppelin, too. Someone pulled it out at a friend's house? At a party. Somebody put out Zeppelin to him. And you said, what the fuck? Really?

No. Then I got high and listened. listen to it. Then I got high. So you thought it was kind of interesting the first time. I was it was interesting. And then you got hot. That one was interesting.

Ted Nugent was interesting. Free for all, that album free for all was interesting. Harold Smith Rocks was very interesting to me. I was still a little off. But once you started smoking weed, once I started smoking weed at 12 or 13, I would find the time to get high and listen to those albums. How old are you at this point? 13, 14, 12.

15, 15. I was into the Eagles, Ted, Zeppelin Heavy, you know. You were blossoming. I was blossoming. But by that time already, the criminality in my life had started blossoming early because it was nothing. It was nothing, you know, I was telling somebody that when I lived down giving that terrace, where I found my mother on the floor. Across the street from us was a house.

And the guy that owned the house rented it out. And he rented it every two years. And somebody knew it. And one time he rented it. And we were outside playing when the first kids came. When the two kids came and they had a boy and a girl and the family unloaded the truck. And when they got back on the truck.

And when they left, I still remember us playing whatever we were playing on the street going, let's go. And we broke into the house. And we took shit. And I took the stereo. He had a badass Fisher stereo with the speakers, the blout punk.

The whole fuck, I don't even know. Blout punk, they car speakers, but, you know, like the whole fish. Those days, Fisher was the shit. That was my stepdad's stereo. And if you had the, if you had the three and one, it was still solid, but you were a punk in my neighborhood. You had to have components in my neighborhood.

Yeah. Maya. Salude. Those are those chia seeds. There's something wrong? Why are you farting so much recently? Because I eat a lot healthier. So I eat a lot of chia seeds and fucking goo berries and shit like that.

You know what I'm saying? I'm trying to put the pieces together. Anyway, so the criminality with me started early. It started early. You know, you could steal, you could do whatever. And it was accepted. You follow me? Dude, I was stealing when I was a kid.

Right. So it was accepted. Yeah. So once, before my mom, mother died. I had done a couple creepy things. Nothing too creepy like bicycle, shit like that that I didn't need to do.

I didn't need to do that punk-ass shit, but I liked it. I liked it. And then after she died, it was part of the excuse to become a criminal. So no, no, all that shit. That was the easiest thing in the world. It was robbing drug dealers.

Did I tell you the story about robbing the church? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we, you know, do all this creepy shit, it's if you continue to do it. Like if you continue to do in your 40s and 30s and 20s. I was 12. Yeah, when you have a fucking problem. And I stole like $14.

Yeah, no, no, no. You know, like now you have a boy, a little boy. What are you going to tell him? You know, he's going to come to you one day. Like, already I feel like a hypocrite in a lot of stages of my life. But I'm going to tell the truth eventually. She's going to find out the truth eventually. Yeah.

She's going to listen to your old podcast. Yeah. Oh, please. And you're back just finding these things as a daughter when your dad passes and listening to each of them being hooked on them like you're addicted to a fucking Netflix TV show. Like you binge, listen. People do that now. Right. They get on podcasts and they binge listen.

Don't listen to all the way back to one to the beginning of the library. You know, it's fucking crazy. Man, podcasts are huge for people that work in places where they let them wear headsets. You know what I mean? He let them work with a, like at a post office or something. Man. I tell you, there was a thing in Time Magazine, the 50 podcasts to listen to. Time magazine.

And it was pretty fucking interesting. Did they throw J.R.E. in there? No. No. I didn't get to it. I didn't get to it. It was more about instructional-type podcasts and things you can learn. And I think about English language from a British woman is the most popular podcast lately.

It's just amazing where the growth has gone to, you know. In Time magazine? Yeah. Well, I follow Time on Twitter. Yeah. So whatever Twitter puts up from time, that's what I fucking read. So lately you've been getting into comedy. We've been talking about getting high before comedy that you're done with that shit.

Yeah, you know, you can't do something under pressure that you're not that good at high. You know, for you, I recommend if you want to inhale some cannabis and do a certain activity, and it matters, you know, like getting on stage matters, because if you suck, you're going to eat a lot of dicks, so it does matter and there's pressure. If you're not really that good at it, hold off on smoking weed. Get a set, master it, be super smooth, and then when you're really, really confident, then if you want to get high, get high. That's what I'm going to do. I'm, I got stone my first eight sets, but, you know, I had, I had, mixed results, but it's hard to put pieces together of your comedy when they're not even,

they're not even tight to begin with, and you're trying to tie them together, and then you add a bone rip before, you can't do it. So I decided maybe five sets ago to try going on stage without smoking, man, it was, it's, I've gotten a lot better. So I'll come back and throw some weed on on top of it once I get good. But for the meantime, going on stage is totally straight is the best thing for me right now. I had to think about it when you guys were here talking. I think the first time I got on stage and tried it. Well, the first time I got on stage was July 18th of 91.

And then in April, St. Patty's Day of 92, I hosted the show with two local comics in Denver. I did some blow. and it was God awful and I was like, wait a second cocaine is the chatty drug that's the one that makes you fucking talk and talk about fucking stories and get all philosophical and shit

if I ate a bag of dick on that shit what am I going to do on Reefer that makes you kind of introverted so I never really fucked with them and I didn't fuck with them to like at the comedy store and then at the comedy store one night I smoked some reefer

and I went on stage and like a prime spot and I just died it was lights out it was lights out well do you have to do like a different type of set because at that belly room show we had some of those

mince and I didn't do the set I had planned on doing at all but like and I even forgot like I forgot like I just kind of went on and on in one of the jokes because it was stone but it went it went better than some of my other

high sets if you just go with it now here's the deal see this this there's a lot of different pads to the story. There's a lot of different paths to the story. If you're going up in front of an A crowd at an A time and you really need this set, I suggest you don't fucking get high.

Yeah. Okay, and that's what I did. So I'm the type of guy, if I lose at something, I come back the next day and I try it again. So like that time at the store, I came back the next day. It was like a Sunday, which it didn't matter. And I wanted to get high again and try.

And this time I killed. So here's the conclusion, guys. You ready for this? Let's say you're doing a spot at the fucking fourth wall where you're doing a spot somewhere in the valley and don't matter. You're trying one particular joke

and you're doing longer than five minutes. Try smoking some pot. Because it really doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter. So you might as well come up that way. Try smoking some pot. But when you do the serious rooms for money, you're getting paid and you've got a door deal

and it depends. And you're really trying to put a set to you. together, then don't get high. That's it. That makes sense. That makes sense. Yeah. Are you still going to drink alcohol?

Yeah. Yeah. You know, I quit drinking for a while, but, you know, now I got to have a drink before I get on stage just to loosen me up, just a little bit. I don't get hammered and go on stage because I could be a disaster. Just have just one drink loosens me up, maybe a little cup of coffee. Dog, I've seen people get fucked up on stage, and it works for some people, and it doesn't work for some people. But I will tell you one thing. You're not going to be consistent.

You know what I'm saying? You're smart enough. Like an 18-year-old child will say, you don't know what you're talking about. And an adult will say you won't be consistent. There's no way. It's like doing anything at 50%. Yeah. You can't be drunk on stage.

You can't be drunk. You know, no, that shit. I know. So whoever's listening to this, don't listen to this the wrong way. Don't take this the wrong way. No. I'm not condoning this at all. It's great every once in a while when you, listen,

me, you, and fucking Lee, take a ride to, where do people ski up here? Big bear. Big bear. And they do comedy up there. And we're getting $100 a piece and we each driving a car and we get like a free meal. We get high, we get high. Who gives a fuck? Yeah.

We eat smoking joint before we get back in the car and we do some comedy. It's a blast. But you're so goddamn seasoned and you're such a veteran. Oh, no. You could get a high. You've been doing this for 20 years. When you're first starting, you got to do. get your shit together for us you got to get that what's like me with jih Tzu ready same thing when I

go to jit-to I cannot be high hell no not when you're starting to pay attention to every detail I got to see that collar I got to see that fucking cross I got to see everything yeah I cannot get high and that getting high gives me fear and adds a quality of fear to me it doesn't let me go for things it won't if you mount me I panic I'll tap my breathing changes yeah my breathing get shallow because I'm not you know it's a different level I'm not ready my tools aren't I'm far from being at that level be able to get high and fucking roll around with something I'm far far far from that level so you'll get there comedy is the same it's exact same thing I compare comedy jitsu to an art it's an art that's it doesn't fucking matter how you look at it comedy is a

fucking art and you're going to learn something every time you go on the mat every time you touch that microphone, you're going to learn something. It's the same way every time you touch that met. You're going to guarantee learn something. Somebody's going to come to you and say, dog, put your foot that way from now on when you do that sweep. You're going to go, oh, shit, look at me now. I'm happy I came to class.

That's the best when you don't want to do something. When you're sitting on your couch on a Tuesday night, you're like, fuck, I got to drive up here for fucking 40 bucks in the cheeseburger and do a set. God damn it. Why did I agree to this shit? I want to sit home and give Mama the high, hard one, and watch fucking NYPD Blue on fucking whatever. Next thing you go to that gig, and guess what?

There's an agent there. Plus, you killed. Plus, the headline did they show up, so you picked up a hundred dollars at the headline it was going to get. You know, and you're like, fuck, what would have happened if I were to sat on the couch tonight? Yeah. Nothing.

Nothing. I would have got my dick sucked, and I would have the same result. Look, I went to that shitty room. I ain't going to picking a buck 40 up. plus I picked up an agent plus I picked up another gig because the MC books a fucking night

and fucking San Fernando Fernando Valley I mean that's what happened and the same thing happens to Jiu-Jitsu this night you don't really go to Jiu-Jitsu this days I'm like fuck I gotta do this and then go to Jiu-Jitsu and you go to Jiu-to and it's you and him or you in a purple belt

and he teaches your shit and he beats the fuck out of you that's the best class you've had in a long fucking time yeah same thing what's up E. B that little red that little breathman hit you a little bit didn't it? I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I could see it in your fucking eyeballs. I'm not sure if it was that or the bomb. I'm feeling the same way. Time for Breeze. Oh shit. Yeah, take one to go. Take two. There you go. What the fuck. Were you ready?

I'm for Breezed up. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna freeze down. Yeah, fuck. You're fucking, I'm messed up to a little clock second. How do you, I mean, are you in love with comedy right now? I love it, man. I love it, especially when it goes good.

Like the show in Frisco, we did a belly room show before Frisco. That's the first show I did, not high, and that was the best show up to that point. So I thought, okay, cool, me and Sam are going to go up to Frisco and then Sacramento. I was going to do the same thing. No weed. The whole day, nothing went on stage at Cobbs in San Francisco. It was better than the set at the Belly Room. Then, you know, we went to Sacramento.

And Sacramento was special because I tell people when they ask me about comedy, like, what's the, what's the, you know, like, what do you like about it? And I tell them, I love working in front of Latin crowds. I love that because then you could just talk about your experiences growing up as a Mexican, you know. And when I did, when I opened for you, I think, four different times, you bring in all the Mexicans. I love work in Mexican rooms. I love it. I feel really comfortable. And I'm, and I I also love working in front of the tinfoil hat comedy night people where everybody's like, you know, on the same page. Those are my two favorite crowds. I love it. I have, it's so much goddamn fun because at Jiu-Jitsu, well, when I first did comedy back in 2001, before Tenth Planet, before Tenth Planet, I went up and I did open mic nights at the comedy store, like maybe 10 times or something like that. they were like mixed results but I knew because I was already a brown belt in jiu jitsu I knew that comedy was just like jiu jitsu I'm like damn you can't just go up there and just talk shit like like you can in the locker room at school you have to have work ethic and write practice and go

out three four nights a week just like jutsu I knew I'm like damn I could do this but I'd have to have because I didn't have any public speaking experience other than DJing at a strip club and that's not real, but, but like real public speaking experience, I didn't have any of that. So I was, I knew I was going to, I needed a lot of work. So then, you know, I was writing with Joe. We had all these sketches. We wanted to pitch a sketch comedy show back then. And then he ended up getting signed by Comedy Central to do the man show after Adam Carolla and Jimmy Kimmel left. Him and Doug Stanhope came in and did the comedy, uh, did, uh, did the man show. And I came in as Joe's writers because we were already writing a bunch of sketches. We had like 30 sketches ready to go.

We were trying to do like a Dave Chappelle type show. And I, I, music has always been number one to me. So I, comedy was just like something that I was, that I loved, but music was always number one. So I decided at that point, you know what? I don't have time to put into stand-up comedy and it's too much work, but I'll help Joe write some sketches. I go, that was cool. So working at Comedy Central sucked. I hated it. so much. It's a lot. That's an hour story. It was terrible. So during work, as I was working on the mansion, I went to Brazil and did Abu Dhabi 2003. I beat Hoyler Gracie, who at that point was, you know, the god of the featherweight division. Nobody even scored a point against him. He

won three years in row. I tapped him out. It was in Brazil. It was a, you know, the biggest upset in jiu-jitsu history at that point. And then I came back. I said, fuck comedy. I'm going to just going to teach jujitsu, you know, until my music blows up. That's what I thought, you know, because it was always about the music. So I walked, I called you, I'm like, thank you for fucking fighting for me and getting me the job. But, you know, I don't want to work there. I'm done with that shit. I've seen Hollywood. I'm like, I don't want nothing to do with Hollywood, even today. Don't want to do. That's bullshit. It was a horrible experience. So I opened up 10th Planet, but I never stopped riding. I would always write and I would always have the habit of, you know, if I come up with an idea,

I'd write and I have so many notes and I thought maybe in a couple years I'll go back and try some stand-up again and then it was five years and it was seven years and it was eight years and then it was 10 years and then it was like 15 years and I still hadn't gone back but had all these ideas so then I just decided you know last year I thought maybe teaching jiu-jitsu was enough public speaking experience because I'd always try to do stand-up as I teach you know I'd do seminars I never start a seminar with, you know, right away and get into techniques. I always like bullshit for about five minutes. And then sometimes some standup comes up, you know what I mean?

So I was wondering if that would translate. Was 15 years of that, would I be able to get up on stage at the comedy store and be better than I was back then when I was doing open mics and I totally sucked? So that was always in the back of my mind. So I decided to do it. I told Sam, I knew Sam before 10 Planet. I knew Sam back in the day when I met you, before 10 Planet. I knew you before Templin wasn't even a thought. So he was doing comedy chaos, and we were all into conspiracy theories together.

So he put me up on a Tuesday night. And it was the first time in 15 fucking years. So I went up there. And out of all the first 10 sets, that was actually the best one. Because right when I got up there, I had the mic. And I'm like, whoa. Because my students, at school, when I start to tell a story, a lot of them are like, coach, let's fucking start. nine, ten. I'm bombing every night in Jiu-Jitsu. They don't want to hear my shit. They want to do

Jiu-Jitsu and I try to tell a story and I got to censor myself because I don't want to be too crazy and they're always, I'm bombing every night. I don't have a mic. So when I got on stage at the comedy store, like the first five seconds, I'm like, I have a mic. This is just like a seminar and they're drunk. They don't want to do Jiu-Jitsu and they want to laugh. To me, I felt right away like, oh, shit, this is easy. I got a fucking mic. I'm used to doing this shit without a mic. Like, fuck, it's like steroids and shit.

You know what I mean? The microphone is a different control, ain't it? Yeah, I was like, I think it's a different control. People do not understand. Yeah. That's why people say to you, well, do some time at the club. Go up on stage and do eight minutes, and you're like, I don't have a microphone. You don't need a microphone.

Shut the fuck. You fucking do need one. Shut the fuck up. The microphone is the tool of tools. If there's a microphone on stage and you go up there and install the microphone, for three minutes, but then you want to walk away from the stage. That's one thing. That's one thing.

Walking away from the mic and talking to the audience, that might be funny sometimes. But to go up there nude without a microphone, you lose your shield. Yeah. It's really your shield. It's the power. So your sword is your brain and your arm and everything. But this microphone, when you grab it, it's your shield. It centers you.

Even you don't need it. You don't need it. You don't need it. You're as tough as name. else but it centers you it balances you you know what I'm saying so it's kind of weird not to have a microphone and then to have a microphone yeah so true so so you learn that in jiu jiu jitsu yeah I learned that motherfucker on stage yeah at a place in Craig Colorado no mic no mic and it says before when you get the paperwork it would say this is a violent room

if shit erupts run off to go to your room and call the management and then had the reason why the room was so bad, it was because they had a mic, but you were far away from the audience. Yeah. That's another learning thing. If you go into a room and they're like, yeah, you stand there, but they're 30 feet away.

Yeah, that's great. Get those people up or put me in the audience. So get off the stage when the owner's not watching and go into the audience. All these things are control mechanisms that people do not know until they work without them. And then you're like,

oh, now I know. a microphone. That's why the guy with the microphone always wins in a fucking club, unless you're brain dead. Yeah, yeah. Unless the comic's brain dead. Yeah. You should be able to destroy it.

The microphone, right. But listen to what I'm saying to you. Going up without a microphone is completely different than going up with a microphone and walking away from it. Yeah. I do that every night and I bomb every night. So it turns out that me teaching Jiu-Jitsu and trying to squeeze in some jokes to people that don't want to hear them, it's like dragging logs of.

up hills it's like strength and conditioning you know what I mean so it actually translated I didn't know if it was I'm like does 15 years of me trying to tell jokes without a mic to people that don't want to hear any fucking jokes they give me a little laughter every now and then but they're not into it they want to train now now when John Jock taught do you ever crack a joke from time to time every now and yeah they have to as a teacher you have to have yeah some sense of humor to break the yeah the whatever yeah you know what I'm saying but in jiu jitsu you don't have a mic, they don't want to listen to it, but the cool thing is they're not paying for you to be funny,

so you don't have to be funny. So you could just, the jokes are like, you know, that's just frosting on the cake, you know, icing on the cake. That makes it a little easier because you don't have to be funny, you know? And in seminars, they want five minutes of your thoughts. They do, you don't want to start out of a three-hour seminar. Okay, grab a partner, grab his left arm, put them in spider web and go. You want to, and sometimes, you know, it's not always jokes. Sometimes I do five minutes on the background of the techniques we're about to get into. There's a story.

Then I'll tell a story that leads into that's why we're doing spider web. You know what I mean? Like, but it's the public speaking practice that really helped. What's the organization that you joined if you want to learn how to speak publicly? and you toastmasters. I've never heard of it. Is it toastmasters? Yeah, I've heard of that.

Let me see. Look it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that? When I live, you know, it's so weird that we. They teach you how to make toast at like weddings and shit, so you're not so uncomfortable. Is that what it is? It sounds like what it is.

I don't know, no, no, no. Because everybody, everyone at some point got to give a toast, you know, at weddings. When I lived in bold, I was in the transition period before I got arrested. Before I kidnapped Beluch, I was in a real transition period. I was doing well. Eddie. I was really doing well. Financially, I wasn't getting rich. But from where I came from, I was doing tremendous. And all I had to do was go to this place every day and sell cars. I was doing great, Eddie. So I lived with a chick that was a red-headed chick that had big tits and a big red

ass on her mother-owned printing store in Boulder. And she was young. If I was 20, when did I get arrested, that he's 87 so I was basically 23 what's no 3 and 4 I was 24 years old and I got arrested for kidnapping so what is toastmasters it just says um do you want to become

a confident public speaker so I lived with a chick and a geeky guy right the chick sold pot and had cats and the guy like when you walked in the guy's room to talk to him He had a picture of a Testarose on his wall. He had his goals written everywhere. He was an Anthony Robbins guy.

He believed in the other guy. He was into everybody. This poor bastard spent all his money on just trying to be a better person. Like all that stuff, like going on a... What do they call those things? Not get rich seminars, but the other ones. Self-improvement? Like self-improvement.

And he was young, guys. If I was 24, he was like 23. and this is all he talked about but he used to go to this he used to wake up once a week or once a week a month or twice a month and you go to this shit early and you talk and he would say to me dog

I don't know man I don't know you're a lot better at this can you help me with this and I would ask him what it would be and I wasn't even doing stand-up that I wasn't even doing stand-up that I just cracked jokes and fuck around the living room in that with these guys.

But he was going to this because of his fear of talking in public. And he wanted to improve. And hear you, and even Lee, for example, I've thrown Lee up in some weird situations. And he's reacted positively. Like most people go, I can't do that

and run out of the fucking room. You guys, I applaud you. Because I remember you going on stage in the comedy store, I brought you up. in 2001 on Sunday nights. Yeah, Sunday nights. Yeah, I brought you up a few times. I think you even showcased Mitzi one night.

I know Damon Wayans was there one night on a Sunday when I went up, and it was probably the worst set ever, you know. It's the public speaking experience that really helps, man, because, you know, and the crowd. The crowd's huge, too, because, like I was saying in Sacramento, they were all Mexican, and they were all conspiracy theorists. So it was fucking, it was so much fun, man. It was so much goddamn fun.

I loved it. You know, here's the fucking craziest thing. I was thinking about the Spanish scene. When I first moved to L.A., the Spanish scene here was going to be the next big thing. And they couldn't put it together. You know, George hated this guy, he hated this guy, he hated this guy. But it didn't bother me.

And I'll tell you why. Believe it or not, Eddie? I would bomb in front of Spanish audiences. In those days, if you watch me on K-Loco and all those Spanish shows... Were you too dirty? Oh, yeah. They didn't want to go too deep.

Rudy would pull me on the side and tell me, if you work my rooms, you got to work a little cleaner, showing these people, all the Mexicans that don't like dirty material. You know, he would always get on me. Willie Barcena would get on me. A lot of Latino comics would get on me. Would you change your interior? Not even fucking close.

I would go up there and work even dirtier. He stressed it. Rudy stressed it. And then one night, do you remember Marilyn Martinez? He had a gig out of town. And Marilyn and me did it. And Marilyn was up. I wasn't even there yet.

As I got up, I saw the 20 cop cars outside. Marilyn got into it with a fucking woman. The lady said something to some guy. the guy said something to her the woman said something then they started throwing chairs it was called the brave bull in uh one of those little spanish towns yeah brave bull man my mom used to go there yes witty or something like that it was phenomenally the brave party's the brave bull had maybe three comedy rooms oh wow it was huge it was a mexican fucking restaurant bar grill entertainment wedding I mean, you'd go there and anything was going down.

It was a complex. You know how many times I went there and wherever the fuck it was and I was in a different room to do comedy? Like, I still remember being there with George Lopez and Pablo Francisco on a Saturday night. Oh, shit. I love Papa. We were in a room that had animal heads,

like goats heads and fucking bull. Oh, shit. A hunter room, like the guy hunted them all down, like one of those rooms. There was a room. Chupacabra head. Bro, it was crazy that place. And he would give me work in the winters. They paid $40 a set on Friday and Saturday.

The summers, it went down to 25. That's nothing. That was nothing. But I didn't give a fuck. I would drive down there for the small 50. Do the comedy store Friday and Saturday. In those days, you did Universal City on Fridays for 200. I remember you just bombed.

You just went up there to bomb. It was a dance club, and they stopped the music. Coming to the stage. comedian Eddie Bravo and you are like terrible idea oh horrible but for 200 on a Friday night shit I mug your mother for 200 from 10 to 11 on a Friday night and I can still make my store and still buy a package because now you get a package that fucking drive down to fucking a comedy store from Universal's is tip-top Maguna you're whistling Tony Bennett cock second Monday Monday a

18th, go around me there, my brother. I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. Belated happy Father's Day to all, you motherfuckers. Some somebody twice as smart as I or somebody who will swear.

Let me get some shout out to my man Tommy Porro. Joe Gee, one Scully one, Brian Michaels, DJ Miami, Joe, Lorenzo Christopher, and Jeffrey Talelson. I love you, motherfuckers. Don't forget, July 7th, working out with Uncle Joey at the Ice House. July 13th and 14th. I'm at the South Point Casino in Las Vegas.

Friday and Saturday, 7.30 show. You're out of that by 9. you're eating your wife's muffler by 10.15. You understand me? And then, boom, we close out the month of July with Salt Lake, motherfucking city. Wise guys, four shows, two Friday, two Saturday, no fucking drama.

Working on new material, getting my shit together, and that's it. Fucking August, we go to Kansas City, we go to fucking Nashville, and we go to the other place, too. So get ready. Details coming. Alabama?

Soon, yeah, yeah. I'm going Alabama, I'm going to fucking Nashville Nashville last week of August so get ready Cox 7th but that's it and that's that no it was a fun time

at Colusa Casino if you came thank you thank you for the confidence builder the fucking food is great there the hotel the best shower number two to the south point the casino you know you know things that you like about places oh my God

is it a lot of heads or what does it do space heads and the tub is brilliantly. It's not metal. It's that plastic stuff, but it's curved like a chair that you watch TV in. Okay. Oh my God. And they have three nozzles. One that shoots at your balls. The other one hits your stomach and the other one hits your face. So let me explain you how the temperature control. Oh, listen to me. I had the air conditioning down the 55. I had the fireplace on, the portable fireplace. Because that's how I roll. You understand me? I want Heaven and hell. I want heat and fucking cold.

And then I got back from the show last night, maybe 10 o'clock. I ordered a little something, something. I had a little snacky poo. Let me tell you something. I took my anabolic fucking over-the-counter sleeping pill. I popped a couple fucking anxiety tablets. About 10.30, I went into the fucking shower last night like a doctor. I said, I'm going to take a shower because I hugged a couple people and shit. I want to take the germs off my neck. I said, let me get to take a shower.

when I go to the casino and gamble a little bit, Doug. I went in there about 10.30, guess what? I woke up in that motherfucker at 12.20. Woke up. What did you mean? Woke up. Passed out there. Where? In the tub.

With my mouth open, I almost drowned, but I didn't give a fuck, Jack. Oh, I thought you were in the casino. I slept in the tub for an hour, for almost two hours. I slept in that tub. The hot water hit me from all angles. The best shower in the country that I've been to. Second best to the South Point. Casino, the pimp room.

At the South Point Casino, the showers the size of this room. And you got nozzles everywhere with a chair. So you just put the nozzles on and you sit on the chair like this, like Copernicus. Naked. And you let that water hit you for an hour. Ooh. No wonder you don't answer your phone that weekend. Oh, no.

You don't hear from me at all. I get up at 4 in the morning just to take a shower until 5. Then I order room service like a doctor. Come on, God. Copernicus. And I paid a $2.50 to fucking smoke in the room because it's like the Sinatra a suite. So if I'm going to pay $2.50, I'm smoking like a chimney. You understand me?

I'm in there lighting fires and shit. I don't give a fuck. You prepaid the fine? Yeah. Let me just take the fine. Take the two and a half. Because I'm smoking. I'm not leaving the room. That's how you do it, Doug. Why fuck around? So they're always charging you, right? Yeah. No, no. I don't do a lot of hotels because you can't do it.

You got to be polite. There's kids in the hotels. But at the South Point, they put me up on top. In the top fucking room all the way. in the corner the room is huge so i could smoke in the bathroom and fucking you know the bat like i could smoke in the shower you know the time i've gone the shower with a joint and turned the shower and i sat in kelly corner fucking smoke a joint then bang went out come on my feet you know how fun that is when you come on your feet and just sit there and watch it it's on your fungi toe you don't give a fuck or how about when you come like like the sink is kind of clogged and it goes up to your ankles

and you come and then you have come on your ankles because it's good for your skin you're rubbing into your feet Your feet get slippery. I don't stand up because the tub gets slippery. You don't jerk off in the shower? No. Oh, there's your problem. That's your problem. That's where men jerk off.

You lay back and you bang one out like a fountain. Some of it lays on your stomach. Some of it lays on your thighs. You like the little stick-em. Remember the stick-em spray they had in the 80s, the Pittsburgh Steelers? Yeah. It's like stick them. Anything sticks to your leg.

Eddie Brown, it's amazing the fucking journey. We've both seen ourselves do, you know. It really is. I still remember sent with you in Houston's. Remember we used to go to Eastons all the fucking time? And we do that... What was that called again? It was...

Ten Planet Cush. Yes, Ten Planet Cush. That's right. Ten Planet Cush. They're still on YouTube. You can still watch us. We used to go to... UFC predictions.

UFC predictions. Ten Planet Cush. We did about like 25 of them. We would meet before you'd get on the plane. Yeah. Like you would stop and meet me on the way to the plane. Yeah. Me, you, Dan Hardy did one.

Yep, yeah. A couple of us did some great fucking that Mexican food. I talked to those guys for years after they closed. I kept in touch with one of the cooks. How? On the phone. He would call me from time to time. That's how much we liked them and they liked me.

Why don't you have his number? Because he was family. I would call him up to see if he was working. We did most of them at Houston's bar. At Houston's. At Houston's. And generally you'd make like about five predictions and you would get, you know, sometimes three rides, sometimes two.

It didn't matter. You never killed at all except the one time we decided to do it at your house. And then I ended up videotaping all your cats. And I made like, all the cats were around and videotaping them. You're giving me each story on each cat and, you know, their personalities and their background and all that shit. And for some reason, with all those cats, there was like something in the air, man. When you were ready to go and I turned on the camera and you went. It was 10th Planet Cush, I think episode 20.

It's the one with all the cats. That one, there was some electricity in the air, man. You were on fire. It was one take. We said, go. And you nailed every fight, every fight you had right. And I remember driving home, I couldn't wait to edit it because I knew that it was something super special about it.

I didn't know, obviously I didn't know you were going to nail every fight. But that one, just with all the cats, and I don't know, maybe it's true. Maybe, you know, how they say that a cat's purr generates positive energy that you could pick up. You know what I mean? That's what, you know, crazy cat ladies say. I felt something. All those cats were all around and they all, you could see their personalities. And then you picked up Fidel.

You picked them up and we start the previews or the predictions. And he loved the camera. That's one of the greatest episodes. Oh, man. That's one of the greatest episodes of him. Fidel loved the fucking camera. If you had a camera on, Fidel would fucking get up and walk into a frame.

Like, what's up, motherfuckers? I'm here. I'm sag, what up? I'm saying. I'd love to see that, actually. Fast forward to the part where you give the predictions, because you were on fucking fire with it was so funny. And it was the only one, most of them, when I was filling them, you would say like two or three things that were funny,

and I'm videotaping. and you could hear me laugh. This one, I was laughing the whole way through. I couldn't stop laughing. It was like when you went up in Columbus, that one time when you opened for Joe and he was filming that Monkees in Space thing, when you went up, I'll never forget ever,

watching from the side stage, you were sweating and spitting, and everybody was dying. You were crushing. Like, it was just gold. It was like fire. It was like, you just had magic that night. It was crazy, man.

I'll never forget that night. All those years opening up for Joe who were fucking magical. It was crazy. Crazy. Me and Joe were always on the side, just on the floor. The education was mind-boggling. Joe doesn't know that I took his book.

Like, John Jack gave you his black belt. Joe gave me his black belt. And I just tweaked a couple elements that now we both live by. We both do. Like, I used to tell him, for years. Joe, we got to leave early on Sunday. Fuck that. I'm not getting up to one.

And I would fucking leave the night before. I'm stranded. I would fuck with his emotions and shit. So he fucking listened. You got kids. You got to be back on the first flight. They don't want. You ain't get anything what you're doing? Yeah. I'm going to fucking get up a tan and eat breakfast and the flight's delayed. My seminar's on. Generally on Saturday. And right when I'm done with that afternoon seminar, I'm on my way to the airport.

Five o'clock. I'm back at home Saturday night with my family. No, no, no, no. It's, uh... I don't have time for vacation. It's really weird how that was... That was my apprenticeship. That's the true story.

That's, you know, when I write my book on comedy, it was 10 years. Opening for Joe. That was crazy. I saw it. What a combo. I saw it from the beginning. And then like every now and then, you know, they'd switch it up. Either Duncan would be the one who opened and then you and then Joe or, uh, you and then Joe, or, uh,

Ari, John Heffron even. But, man, those are the days, man. Me? What about when it was me and Ari and Duncan? Yeah. There were shows where it was me, Ari, Duncan, Red Band, You, Tate in the fucking audience. Yeah. And Joe. You know, we go eat at fucking two in the morning and Joe would pick up to that.

I mean, it was fucking craziness. It was just pure. I remember renting a van in Austin. I was single as fuck back then. So anytime Joe went on the road. He just dragged me along. You know what I mean? I went on the road.

I wasn't even a comedian back then. I was just living the life of a comedian, but not getting on stage. I didn't get on stage back then. But you were watching. I was watching. But you were watching. Yeah. And that's time served.

Yeah. In my world, like Lee, uh, watching me going out, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's time served. Yeah. That's why. Apprenticeship. That's an apprenticeship. It's time served.

You watched it. You've seen what happened. I've seen Joe set probably 2,000 times just over and over. I knew a set. side and out. You know, I wouldn't even listen to his jokes anymore. I would be fascinated by paying attention to the people that there was always two or three people, maybe one that wasn't laughing at all.

Everyone's dying. Joe's destroying. And I always find the one dude who's not laughing at all. And he's usually with his wife and he's just sitting like this. He is not happy about his wife. Another guy making his wife laugh. He's just like, oh, my God. I'm like, wow, look at that guy.

He's not laughing at. Shit, that guy. I was fascinated with shit like that. There's nothing worse, because you see it right away. You see it right away. It sticks out like a thumb. When a woman is a fan of your comedy and her husband isn't a fan of anything, he's just a puky guy that's a hater. Yeah.

And in fact, she's paying for the tickets. Yes, she dragged him out. She dragged him out. He didn't want. And she's laughing at everything. Shit that isn't even jokes. She's just like, can't wait to laugh. And the guy is furious.

Yes. And I saw it over the years. The worst one I ever saw was Ontario. Ontario was the worst one I ever saw. When I went up first and the guy was heckling and I said something to him and then the guy got really pissed. Then when Joe went up, he started heckling Joe right off the fucking bat. Like something about a wig or something. I'll never forget that.

This is 2000. This is the height of fucking fear factor. Yeah. And this guy's heckling Joe, and there was a big bouncer. Do you remember that guy in Ontario? I don't remember any bans. He was a steroid freak. I saw him years later and he was skinny.

I go, what happened? Man, I had a heart attack. No shit. You were drinking that shit. Bro, he was yo, this poor guy. Well, he got the guy and threw him out. But something happened outside. There was an ugly altercation.

The cops came. The chick finally got out and went outside. and she came back and started yelling. Something happened with the guy. They fucked them up before the cops got there or something. It was not bueno. And then there was the time when I shot my special in Chicago, the guy in the front row that kept moving around and shit.

Eddie, for two minutes, I'm saying jokes. And I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to kick this guy in the face without nobody seeing it on tape. In my mind, I thought I could just kick him and he would just drop. I can just keep going and nobody would say nothing. Yeah. I've seen that enough where, like, now when I'm on stage,

if there's a, like, you know, a girl sitting with a guy, I'll do my best to ignore that table. I don't even want, I don't want to make anybody uncomfortable at all. You know, I just stare at nothing, you know. You don't talk to the audience. You guys are well trained in that aspect. Like, that's why I know you've both studied comedy because you don't talk to the audience.

Like asking where they're from and what they're. That's a habit you pick up in New York. That's a good way to get shit started, though. No, it's not. No, it's not. I do that in seminars. Sometimes I'll start a seminar. I'm like, where you, you know, I'll do a little of that.

But I work the crowd, right? I haven't done it yet in, uh, in real time. No, I haven't really. Real time is a different fucking thing. Yeah. Because if they don't say nothing to you and that motherfucker goes silence, your heart stops, miss a beat. Like you're,

and if you don't got anything funny to say off it, damn, risking it boom you asked them you're trying to ask them some shit you can't even even think of any funny shit leaving my leg up a 10 plan you know what I'm saying that's like put my leg up it's a plan that saying take my leg I'm gonna block your fucking hip you know I gotta do it's a jiu-jitsu and stand-up correlate so much it's and I didn't know till I joined jiu-jitsu because right away I improved my comedy game improved right away I saw a bunch of gaps in my whole a bunch of holes

in my game soon as I was like six seven months into Jiu-jitsu. I had so many holes in my personal life, but I couldn't imagine how many I had in my comedy game. So I started to fill those fucking holes as much as I could. A, by fucking writing. But I think I'm starting to overwrite, though. Why? I'm not, because I'm not a writer. I'm the type of dude that goes out there with three sentences and just gets the party started with energy. I'm trying to be something I'm not, and that's what happened with. Boy, I'm You learn a lot from every time you shoot a special. I'm not good at shooting specials.

I'm not a good special shoot. CDs I'm not bad at. Specials, I'm not good at. I choke. There's pressure. No, there's, it's no joke. There's, you know, nothing's guaranteed. But I really had nothing to lose on this Netflix thing.

I had nothing to lose. Maybe you're just being hard. Maybe it's amazing and you're just hard on yourself. Maybe when you look back, It's not amazing. It's not amazing. They're going to make it look good. Make it sound good.

But it's not going to be fucking what I really could do, the damage I could do. Which, you know, listen, you live and you learn, brother. 27 years, you're still living and learn it. That's the beauty of this thing. Was it like the cameras, or what do you think really affected you? It was me. The last two weeks, going into that last two weeks, I fucked up in my mind a little bit. I did something I shouldn't have done.

I went into a dark place instead of going to a better place. Purposely, just to see whether the... But it was too late to do that. I should have done that three or four weeks earlier. I decided to do that with a week left to go, which wasn't good to do. There was a lot of mistakes I made. What I did was was go to places where I wasn't going to be liked.

Where those jokes I say in front of a podcast guy will laugh because they know me from the podcast or from Joe's podcast. But I went to places that wouldn't know me. I wouldn't put myself on the schedule. Do you follow me? So I saw what jokes, the general public wasn't laughing at because I wanted to see what would appeal on Netflix. Because with Netflix, you're not doing a show for these people.

You're doing a show for viewers. But that's what I thought. Now you've learned that you just got to... That's all bullshit. Let them catch up to... That's all white talk. Just be funny. That's all I had to be was be funny.

So last night I did an hour And I still had another hour to go I went up to my room I go what the fuck was that Two weeks ago I couldn't even come up with 27 minutes Couldn't even do 30 Didn't even have the confidence To do fucking 30 minutes

How long ago? Two weeks ago Huh June 4th It's June 16th And it was tremendous last night Tremendous I was loose

I had a great time up on stage So you live and you learn people You're not fucking perfect at least you're strong enough to say the truth and not dismiss everything that helps comedy a lot as being honest with yourself that helps in every aspect

not just comedy whether you're jih Tzu whether you're a plumber whether you're an author whether you're a writer it helps in every fucking degree that you have to look at yourself every six months and go what the fuck am I doing wrong you know but sometimes you overanalyze that

and it kills what you're doing why ruin why are you dismissing what got you to the game what got you to the dance what's that expression? Why changed it? You know, why change what got you to the dance? This would got you to the dance. Now you want to be smart and that's a mistake. I've avoided it for years.

This time I didn't avoid it. When we get smart Eddie is when we fail. Stay stupid. When we're stupid, we do great. Stay stupid. Yeah, stay stupid. I have no problem with that. No, me neither. I'm a master.

I mean either. That's when we do our best work when we stay stupid. When we get smart and try to be genius, Genius is, let me show what I'm not going. And that's when we fucking go, what the fuck did I just do? Then you're acting like Johnny White, my guy. You act like Johnny White, but I might as well go to Disney and stop people having edibles, you know what I'm saying?

You can't go in the park with a fucking edible. But what do you give a fuck? Dog, when that guy came up to me and said that to me that he followed me and that I didn't go to my room, I was pissed. I was past. Yeah, you looked pissed. I didn't know what was going on because I was already through security. I was just like looking back on what?

This does not look good. Dog, you failed the cop test. You failed the cop test. Now you're here breaking my fucking balls. That's what basically those guys are. They failed the test the first time. They didn't do enough push-ups. They didn't get a roast beef sandwich.

Who the fuck knows what? Something didn't go right. They didn't pass the mental. You know what I'm saying? Disney don't do a mental. Who the fuck knows? I don't fucking know. But for them to act that way,

that's the people that usually act that way. Or the people that got booted from something. And now, you know, they couldn't be a cop for some reason. I'm Spanish. Mall cop. Yeah, more cop. I can't deal with that shit. This is what it is.

You got a weapon? No. Then what do you give a fuck? If you ain't got a weapon, what do you play sheriff for? If you got a gun or a machine gun, then I can see you stop on me. But if you ain't got a weapon, why are you playing a fucking cop for? You get shot like the rest of us. They put you out here to fucking play a cop. with no gun and you're actually believing that shit people gonna listen to you without a

fucking gun the fuck is wrong with people the fuck is wrong with people buddy bravo what are you doing stand-up again Eddie um right now Live Nation with Candace from she's Candice is the one who put together the San Francisco and Sacramento gig she's my sister-in-law she used to work for Live Nation And she still kind of works for him. And she's the one who presented the idea to the guy at the top. And he said, well, if they sell out San Francisco and Sacramento, we'll put them on, we'll get some more dates for them. And San Francisco was, they were having a comedy festival that weekend.

It was the worst weekend ever. And we still got 350 people in there and it's 400 capacity. Yeah, that's comms. Yeah. So we got 350. And then Sacramento, we were 10 short. of selling it out in Sacramento. Both shows or just one show?

We just did one show. We did one show each. And Live Nations, I guess they were satisfied because they're going to keep it going. We're going to go to Philly, Austin, I don't know,

we're trying to figure it out. Now you do 10-4 comedy on the road. 10-4-hack comedy. Now, when it's 10-4 comedy, do you do regular comedy, or do you just do comedy about aliens and fucking Martians. It's just my regular set,

but my regular set, set is a little, it's, you know, somewhere in between conspiracies and, you know, stories of me growing up. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, I'm not all, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, more fun of, more fun of tinful hack, uh, conspiracy theories and actually pushing it. But, you know, I just, I just, I didn't want to, um, be preachy and, you know, I just want to be, you know, you know, just tell funny stories and it's hard it's hard making conspiracy theories funny but um i like doing comedy in front of a room where they're at least down with the tower seven conspiracy you know we call we call the shows tower seven and over you got to at least be down because if you're way

on the other side you ain't going to laugh today you ain't going to like me you might as well get that refund right now so that's the whole point of it is just basically putting together a show where we're all on the same page, you know. I don't care about making people, you know, libtards laugh. I don't care about them at all. They can watch Jimmy Gaffigan or something, you know what I mean? He's awesome.

I love him too, but, you know, that's generally not my crowd. I get you. That's it. So we did 104Hack Comedy Night just to attract. When I was listening to you, I was just thinking about what material I would do on 10Fund. What is it? Tinfoil hat.

Tinfoil hat, comedy. Like, if I did a guest spot, like I would talk about, it would happen to beat something with the Kennedys. Most comedians have, without even knowing, they have some conspiracy theory stuff in their comedy. Like, you'd listen to Kat Williams.

There's a lot of conspiracy theory stuff in there, you know what I mean? But it's basically, you know, a lot of comedy is making fun of the official stories. Like Dave Chappelle, for instance, he talked about, They said AIDS comes from monkeys.

That's what they said. They want us to believe that. It goes, you know how hard it is to fuck a monkey? You know what I mean? That's Dave Chappelle. That's conspiracy theory stuff. So it's like that. You know what I mean?

It's not like preachy. It's just we're kind of just making fun of it. You know what I mean? I'm not trying to get killed. That's the bottom line. I'm not going to go out there and try to be fucking Cheid Wavara or fucking Alex Jones. I don't want to be that guy. I'm not trying to be that guy.

If you ask me about conspiracy theories, I'll tell you the truth. You know what I mean? I don't think we went to the moon. You know what I mean? I'll tell you my opinions. But I don't want to be this fucking leader of conspiracy theories. I like talking about them. They're fascinating, but I'm not trying to get killed.

I don't need to get hung on some door with a scarf. You know what I mean? I'm not trying to do that. I'm not trying to expose it. I'm not trying to expose shit. It's awful enough an existing situation. Yeah. And you know what?

I will get serious about some conspiracy theories. I do it on podcasts all the time. But I don't have to. I'm not trying. I don't have a mission to put anybody. in jail or to get anybody busted or anything like that, I don't want to get suicided. I'm not trying to do any of that. So, you know, you can call me a shill or whatever.

Who the fuck cares? Let me ask you a question. You know what I just? I'll ask you a few questions. I don't know if you know this. Where I come from in Jersey, it's where they see the most Martian views in the country. Where? You know that, right?

Where? Northern New Jersey is where they see the most Martian. landings. I've had people on the show before and I broke it down for them. Where I come from, Hudson County Park, YouTube Martians, 1976, where I come from, that park

where we used to do all, we used to mug the pedophiles and shit and we were kids. We were kids, they closed that park off for a couple days because there was a rocket ship that landed on that fucking thing like the same thing that landed on the moon with the little four legs and they landed in Hudson County Park, bro.

I grew up. And all the government agencies came, they roped it off. And they took fucking samples from the soil and the people live in those buildings. Like six of the eight witnesses got hit by cars and died of heart attacks and shit. Which is there's Hudson County Park Martians.

And one guy, or two people, were talking about the lights, how they saw the lights and the thing landed in Hudson County Park. and that four little things with astronaut suits came out and they took samples of dirt and shit this is classic shit in fact and one of the Sopranos

they spoke about it when they were having an argument one there they said then two months ago you were saying that you saw a rocket ship in Tenefly all that area is hotbeds for fucking Martian landings and shit like that they go UFOs Look at the name of the video

Joey Dears UFO sightings Nudson County Park Lundberg there it is right there dog What the fuck you think you're dealing with any problem? That's the one. Is there any clips? I was talking about it on the podcast. Right there. UFOs, North Perrig and New Jersey.

It's on a history channel. Fuck yeah, dog. This is no joke. I ain't fucking witchin G money. You'd think I would fucking... This is also a place where there have been persistent claims of alien and UFO sightings. George O Barski owned a Manhattan Liquor. store and drove the same route back to his home in North Bergen, New Jersey, every night for decades.

At 3 a.m. on the morning of January 12, 1975, as he was driving through the local park, his radio reception suddenly became distorted. Subsequent events to UFO investigator Bud Hopkins, who recorded his story with a portable tape recorder. Well, I would say that that thing was 30 feet across. It's a big thing. Yeah. It's time.

It seemed to be, I would say, maybe six feet high. You know, like a pancake. It was blown up in it, like a pancake. Right. And the king landed right ahead of me. He described small figures who got out. He said they look like kids of snowsuits. And they were each one carrying a kind of a squareish receptacle

and a long spoon-like shovel. they dug soil sample extremely quickly, spouting up the dirt, put it in the little satchels and got back in the craft. He said they moved

incredibly fast like kids coming down a fire station. What do you think? And the thing took on. He was absolutely terrible. I mean, if you want to know what I think,

even after George O'clock, you want to hear crazy shit? Hold on. Oh. He had encountered. That's the fucking, you don't be grams of coke I bought in that building?

That's why it's circling. called the grinder. It's a circle building. You know, I used to be a big UFO guy. It was all, you know, about it. Like, you know, you, all the reports and the sightings. And then it looked like the government was trying to cover it up with Project Blue Book. You're like, look, it's real because, look, the government's trying to cover it up. But when you look into it, From the dawn of time, all dictators and emperors and tyrants, they all had the same goal, the same ultimate dream. One world government.

They all wanted it. And it was, they all tried to figure out how the fuck can they get everybody to be under one fucking emperor. And they knew way back in Babylon times that the best way, the quickest way would be if there was some sort of. invasion from the sky, if there was some sort of invasion, then everybody would just jump in and agree to a one world government. They wouldn't have to do all this propaganda and mind fuck, you know, mind fuck routines. So, but they could never do it. How are you going to get everyone to believe that there's a fake alien invasion? That was just something that they, it's been written.

It's like a Jesuit order plan, but there's no way you're going to do that. How are you going to fake an alien invasion? So, um, uh, if you want to get it. crazy. It's it the crazy people believe that it's always been the grand plan and that's what we've been working to step by step. They believe that uh like Roswell and all those Martian movies in the 50s were all designed to to convince people that the aliens could convince people that it's that it's possible that we could be attacked by aliens and that would push the one world government. They know that's the ultimate goal. So, you know, still the technology back in the 50s and 60s,

it looks like shit. You look at those Martian movies. Like, no one's going to believe that shit. So the conspiracy theory is the government decided, let's pretend like we're hiding it, let's stage some shit, like crash some shit and just tell people like, you know, spread the rumors that themselves that it was an alien aircraft and post a bunch of shit. Like Roswell's was faked. It was some government. Scyop. That shit, they made you think. They wanted you to think that they were covering it up. So this is the crazy conspiracy theory. So year after year, that was the plan. The plan was, we have to get everyone to believe somehow that it's possible that we can get attacked by aliens

from space. So that's where all the movies came from. Star Wars, everything, the moon missions, Disneyland, all that shit to get us to believe that, to prepare us for the fake alien invasion, that will direct us right into a new world order. And they get the presidents to say that in front of the UN. I'm going to play you something real quick. It's going to take one second. This is Ronald Reagan. This is Ronald Reagan.

And they all say this. Clinton, Obama, even Trump said it. They have a speech that they're supposed to say. And this is it right here. This is the speech. There's going to be 15 seconds. Look at this. This is Ronald Reagan at the UN.

All right. To make us recognize this common bound, I occasionally think how quickly our differences worldwide would vanish if we were facing an alien threat from outside this world. See? So he, Ronald Reagan said it. All these presidents are saying Clinton said it on the Jimmy Kimmel show. The exact same thing.

He says the same thing. So that's the conspiracy theory. It's called Project Blue Beam. Project Blue Beam is the plan and Bill Cooper, the guy who wrote a Behold a Pale Horse. He was a U.S. Naval Intelligence whistleblower. And he said, this is the plan. He's been saying this in the 90s.

They're going to put holograms in the sky and make you believe that we're being attacked by aliens. Right now you can get on YouTube and you can punch in a city floating in the sky in China. And you could watch it. And there's a city floating in the sky. No one believes it's real. They're like, this is some kind of fucking projection.

What the fuck is going on? There's all sorts of shit on YouTube where dudes are filming crazy shit in the sky. like weird ass fucking shit and of course no one believes it people are like that's fucking that it how can that be real that's a hologram so what they're doing is they're getting it

into our consciousness they're getting us like it's been the plan for thousands of years and now we have the technology to actually do it fake some alien shit scare people just like Ronald Reagan said you're gonna say Trump even said it he said the exact same speech word for word why the fuck

why are they trying to drill this now we're ready everyone believes that there's gonna be a fake alien or that there's going to be a, well, the conspiracy theorists think that this is going to be a, there's a fake alien invasion coming to push us to a one world order. That's what, Project Blue Beam, look that up. No zombie apocalypse. Another, they just want to scare the shit out of us.

Global warming, they're just, they're trying to scare, it scares with the environment, scare us from space, scare us from terrorism, scares us with nuclear bombs. These are all just scare tactics. They scare us so that we give up more money to fund to stop this. That's what global warming is about. They want that carbon tax. That's that fucking global carbon tax. All that money, all those politicians are going to be able to just steal.

They're going to be, that's the, they're like, yeah, we're, we're, we're blowing up the world. You've got to turn off your car, you know. It's, it's scare tactics. Overpopulation, apparently they've been trying to scare us with overpopulation. since the 70s. They said by the year 2000, there's not going to be any oil and we're going to, by the year 2000,

people are going to be standing on top of each other's fucking heads. They were writing books about this, trying to scare us. Meanwhile, you could fit today's entire population with a house. Everyone in the world could have their own house in Texas. How the fuck are we overpopulated?

That's bullshit. If that's true, and they say the same thing about Alaska, you could fit the entire world's population in Alaska. They could all have their own house. house and how it seems unbelievable like wait a minute aren't we overpopulated if that's true and i talked about it on joe rogan's podcast it seems like it's true because he would be all over it if it wasn't there's overpopulation is it's just a big scare always that's just that's just the crazy

top that's it's it always a pleasure always a pleasure having any braw on you let us know when you're doing your next show on the road whatever eb i's coming up though that's what is that can i plug there? Yeah. EBI 16 next Sunday in San Diego at the San Diego Performing Arts Center, EBI 16. We're going to have a 16-woman bantam weight tournament featuring Bia, Basileo, Bia, Mesquita, Luana Al-Guzir. These are all IBJJF world champions. The two Bias, Mesquite and Basilio, there are probably the best girls in the world right now. What do they weigh? Oh, you have to be 1.35 same day. And where do they can they watch this online?

You can watch it on UFC Fight Pass or you can get tickets for the show. If you're anywhere in Southern California, go to inch by inch. dot TV. And the main event is Combat Jiu-Jitsu. It's going to be Richie Buggyman Martinez versus Bobby Emmons for the EBI, CJJ Welterweight belt. Richie's the belt holder right now. He's the champion. Bobby's coming in there.

It's a rematch. Richie beat him the first time and Bobby's coming back He's going to try to redeem himself And also PJ Barch He's one of the fastest rising 10th planet soldiers out there He's going to fight combat jiu jitsu

Against Mickey Rolls So we have a 16-woman Sub-only tournament Plus two combat jiu-jitsu Bouts, one for the welterweight belt You're fucking around, are you? You know I don't play. You know I don't play.

Like I said, July 7th The Ice House, the 13th and 14th South Point Kest That's it and that's that you bad motherfuckers again happy belated father's day Thank you if it came out for the Colusa casino and thank you for listening to the church of what's happened now with my man Eddie Bravo and the fucking Christ killer over there He ain't saying much tonight the Brett spray got him anyway Number one on it my heart I've been with them since day one they've been with me since day one why? Because their supplements work from the alpha brain which still give you 100% back money back guaranteeing that I don't want to

the product to my fucking favorite shroom tech i live on that shit i snort that shit i love shroom tech sport and the immune i fly a lot you don't see me with no mask with a japanese fucking look on my face why because i do shroom tech immune motherfuck and i eat ass the flu ain't gonna get me you know what i'm so that's the way we do it go to onit dot com right now and press in church bam and get 10% off delivered straight to the house number two when it comes to gis mats shing guards and of that stuff, a jump rope, a kettlebell holder, Fuji Sports.com. That's a way to go.

My favorite ghee in the world, Fuji Sports, Rashgard, Fuji. I love everything to do with Fuji. They've been around since Jesus left Chicago. Quality, quality, whether it's a new Sikau, 0-2-0, to the fucking, just all-purpose, to the beautiful competition gear that they have,

to the Superito, which is my fucking favorite, lightweight, durable, fucking tough-in-shoeathering. You understand me. Go to FujiSports.com right now and press in. Church. Bam, C-H-U-R-C-H. And get 10% off delivered to your motherfucking house. I want to thank the master, Eddie Bravo.

10th planetj.com. 10-4 conspiracy. Motherfucking wizard. And I want to thank the Christ-Killer over there. And I want to thank you guys for listening. Stay black and we'll see you Thursday. What's up, though? I have another show at the Sycamore Tavern.

Oh, shit. On the 26 at 8.30. If Josh will come. If you are in town and want it to come, you're more than welcome. Awesome. Thank you. And yeah, that's going to be a lot of people. A Tuesday.

A Tuesday. All right. There you have it. You have the whole fucking schedule. I love you, motherfuckers. One more time for Fuji Sports.com. And one more time for honor. Stay black.

See you Wednesday morning.