The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #604 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: July 30, 2018

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt talk about what it's like to be on the road as a young comedian, why what he did between 1995 - 2000 is so important to where he is now, and why it's so important to "check in." This podcast is brought to you by: FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 07/29/2018.


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It's a beautiful day to be alive, motherfucker. fuck this but remember what ladies is pimps too going to brush your shoulders oh shit it's the church coming at you're oh shit trying to hustle some things that go with the part feeling oh my hand was false middle finger turn oh shit it's the church coming at you dirty cocks suckers

Uncle Joey The Christ killer It's just us When in the mud's strong Fuck it Fucking I'm straight up What I'm gonna

What you said Man I'm gonna get me The editor of the version Anyway welcome To the church Of what's happened Now Uncle Joey here

First off If you came to any of the shows That wise guys This weekend in Salt Lake City I applaud you There were great fucking shows Because of you guys And number two I'm back

You notice if you came to the shows, I'm fucking back. There's no more fucking safety nets. There's no more nothing. I'm back out of my fucking coma that I was in for six months, but I want to thank the club. I want to thank Keith, and I want to thank the fucking great waitstaff. One of the hottest fucking white staff of women in the country,

even Kate Quigley on the way out. She goes, those fucking girls were throwing heat. But they were great. There was no problems. Last night, some guy punched the hostess chick in the face. What? And then the guy had to fucking choke him out. the comedian, big props to him,

choked the guy out to the cops got there. There's always some type of church drama. Always some fucking guy comes in confused. But anyway, it was a great show. Great fucking show, great weekend. I applaud you guys. And I'm just happy to say I'm back guys. And I'm basically back because of you guys.

Because I thought about that I was just cheating you guys lately. Like I've just been trying to be so playing safe. And I'm worried about the audience. I went out there with stories I haven't talked about in fucking 30 years. Oh, really? Oh, wow. Yeah. I don't give a fuck anymore.

Because I was thinking about where I started doing comedy. Okay. And I always tell people that it was in prison. No, it wasn't. It was the number one bus from Jersey City to fucking non-guesses. Our job was to make the bus driver pull over and quit. That was our job on a fucking daily. Like for him to pull over and go knock it off, guys.

We would ring the buzzes. We would yell at people. We would shoot fucking spitballs at people. We would go on the bus and open up with the fucking opening theme from the out couple. Right off the back. But what people didn't know was in Jersey's, City at the time there was a methadone clinic and that's where you go to get off heroin and it gives you the same symptoms as heroin so people would get on the bus in jersey city and then we get on the bus

on 38th street and they'd be nodding on the heroin with drool on their lip onto the newspaper fucking hilarious she can't even write this shit and you would mess with them all of us we would get on the bus and we just started giggling and shit and then the guy would look at us and like go can't you see i'm trying to read the paper but one time i went on one of those buses and I farted And I woke the guy up, the guy opened his eyes like he saw Dracula. He's like, man, who farted? He goes, this smelled like something. Crawled up somebody's ass and died.

Something, we fucking died. I've seen people on heroin, like, falling asleep in the middle of a street. You're saying you're far woke, one of them up? One of them up that was nodding. You know the benches are the sideways? Right. Like he was sitting on that bench in the back of the bus, fucking nodding off. And we were across him, giggling at him.

And he wouldn't wake up. And I finally dropped a bomb on him. He fucking opened up his eyes really slowly. I'll never forget that. He looked around, like, where he was. And he's like, what the fuck does that smell? That's when he know you were having issues. Yeah.

So I was just thinking about, like, you know, you're in the green room and you're sitting there, and you have, like, this list in your head that you're going to say. And all of a sudden, that thought came into my mind. And I just went up on stage and ran with it. Then the one night, another, I was talking to Keith, the club owner, and me and Keith have been on the road together. since 1990 fucking seven. Oh, that has to be a comic?

Yeah, he's still a comic. Keith's a great comic. He's just a clean comic, and he does corporates. But Keats's a great guy, and we're talking about a contest we did in 94. That's where I saw Bill Cosby. When he said that not to do dirty comedy, that Eddie Murphy, that was the time. We're talking about that. But we were talking about the room in Salem.

That the time I went, and I told him, I go, Salem was one of the best nights in my life. I get there to the hotel with Jody, this girl. She's featuring her for me and her father. Her father lived in Corvallis, so we stopped and picked them up so he could watch his daughter perform and he wanted to go out and drink with us.

We get to the hotel. He gets his own hotel room. She gets her own hotel room. I get my own hotel room. We walk in, and I swear to God there's got to be 300 fucking kids with balloons. It's the national...

Remember I told you? Remember when we were talking about Jody? I don't remember this one. Yeah, what are those kids? The Special Olympics. Oh, no. Where she went dancing. Kids with balloons?

Oh, yeah. And we checked in and we're like, wow. all these kids got balloons for it was a special olympics and shit and you know it wasn't like i didn't even think about it in a bad way till that night uh jody because in all those towns when you do lee and i were just talking about in one year lees gonna have to go on the if lee really wants to do comedy now comes the second part of this phase like i was thinking what i'm doing today is because of what i did in 90 like is that the weirdest thing it's not because of what I did from 2000 to 2010.

That's not why I'm doing as well as I'm doing as well as I'm doing today. As a comedian, like as a comedian, as the art, I'm doing well as a comedian. Not because of what I did from 2000 to 2010 at the Comedy Store, that honed the art. It was what I did between 95 and 2000, which was I threw myself across the country into the different markets,

and I adjusted my act to those markets. And there's some markets that you just can't adjust your act too. And I mean you just can't. I mean you just can't. They just, and in the back of your head, you're so inexperienced that you really don't see. It's not a knock against you. It was a knock against me. I had the same problem. Like after I went to Nashville, I knew never to go back to the Bible Belt. Like 10 years ago, you come to me, you go, Joe, I got a room for you in Alabama. Listen, bro, no matter how hungry I am, I'm not taking that gig, because I'll tell you what, I'm just, I'm not flying cross-country

to bomb. There was a period that, there was a period where I bomb in the South, And I don't not in the south but in the upper south not in Texas But it's the Bible Belt south I and then I had this other thing to do comedy in front of people with white hair So if I looked at the curtain and I saw somebody with white hair I would fucking panic and eat a big dick on stage I had to get over that you know how I got over that by going to all those fucking towns where there's a lot of old people that shows So what you're saying when you Are saying but so between 90s

and 95 or 95 in 2000 I'm sorry did you go there knowing you were going to bomb I went there thinking about the glamour of comedy getting the cold reality of what it really was right that yeah exactly like preparing me for what it really was

like you have to eat this five years of dick like it was five years of rough dick like Winemaka Nevada you know Billings Monta I'm not saying these towns are bad in any way I'm just saying that 30 years ago, you know, a town,

Butte, Butte Montana was, I don't know what the population is today, but it wasn't that 20 years ago. And a guy like me going up on stage talking about eating pussy, didn't do well as a fucking feature act in none of those towns. Whether it was Butte Montana, whether it was somewhere in fucking Utah, whether it was Ogden, Utah, I'm eating a bag of dicks there. So you have to learn all these markets. You know, you have to go to all these places.

You have to go by the Canadian border up in North Dakota and South Dakota and see how you do there. And they eat this fish called walleye. Okay, I've heard of salmon? Yeah, like it's a fish that they eat up there, these people up by it, like the Dakotas and Minnesota and all that. It's just weird. You learn their traditions.

You know, I still remember going to Ichbamene, up in northern Michigan. You know, there's an island called Traverse City up there. And all. Like, I did the festival of cherries. I did gay pride in Michigan. Like, who would look at me for gay pride? In 19, no. In 2001, I did Gay Pride in Grand Rapids or something like that for $1,500. Like, I went out there, I got on a bus and just, there's a part in comedy where you have to really,

and I told you this, that this prepare yourself for this. I don't see you preparing yourself for this. that for you to really dive in, you have to dive in. It's a very tough dive. So what's what I be doing now? Most people don't believe in the dive in. You have to consume yourself with this. You have to get your car, get it ready, learn how to get work on the road,

calling small bookers, getting small bookers, getting a headshot, getting a 10-minute tape, you know. I thought I was too young for that right now. Right now, you're too young, but this is what you have to start thinking about in a year. Okay. In a year when you're doing comedy 18 months, you're at a precipice. If you've really fucking done comedy, if you really, really, really in your heart, have gone out there every night and done comedy.

At the two-year mark, you really start to think of where this is going. Why am I doing this? I'm not making any real fucking money. My mother's mad at me. My girlfriend doesn't like when I leave the house at night. There's so many fucking things that, and those are the years that toughen you up. And you're not going to like what you got to do. You know, you're not going to like eating six no doses

and drinking a fucking gallon of diet Mountain Dew so you could drive all night to get back here to do the podcast Sunday at 8 o'clock with no sleep. Right. Like, it's that type of shit. Like, I would drive all night to pick my daughter up on Sunday at two in the afternoon. Right.

Like, who wants to drive all night to see their fucking kid after you haven't seen them all week? Like, that's the situations. That's the sacrifice that, you know, goes with all this. I'm not, when I get a check in the mail now, I don't look at it and go, I'm getting away with murder. No, I did my fucking work.

Right. Because I even called you, because I had to take a quick ride this weekend, and it was only four and a half, five hours, Tom, even with stops. And I, like, I like, I like driving. That's not the problem, but the problem, the thing that I was blown away by was,

then you have to get up and do comedy. It's not like you get there the other day before and you get to chill out. It's like, You just did eight hours of driving. When we talk about those triple runs, which people are notorious, like him and Keith and I spoke about the owner of wise guys. I got a great guy.

We spoke about how today, you know, he's like, what you're doing out there is because of what you did. He goes, do you imagine that? And I go, I never looked at it that way, that it really is like going to a job and punching it. Like even if you get $10 for a gig and they make you do 30 minutes and you know you're getting robbed, that's part of the fucking gig.

You know, you know how many towns you go to? And let's say you have a gig and you're getting $75 at that gig. Well, the fucking MC also has a rock club at midnight. And he'll pay you $25. Oh, shit, okay. And you could sleep there if you want, on the bar. I mean, there's just so many things,

but you're not going to know it unless you go out there. It goes back to me putting your hands in the universe and going, I'm doing this. I'm doing this. And somewhere another, the universe is going to take, care of me. And weird things starts happening and you go fuck. You know, weird

things start to happen. You get a flat tire you change it. It costs you $65 because you got a toll the car. But then you go to a town and you have a three day night to wait between gigs.

And you're looking at a $60 a night hotel that people have gotten stabbed that on the Yelp review and the electric goes out and you can hear the mice at night, but the first night at the club, the owner of the club went to Emerson, and he's got a house or the basement. You know what I'm saying? And now it's a Sunday, and instead of you being in a shitty fucking hotel room, you're actually at somebody's basement with three other guys from Emerson that are older than you, and they're talking about football, and they're from Boston.

And you're like, look at this shit. Am I the luckiest guy in the world? I'm saving 60 bucks a night. It's like being with Geico. It's like being with fucking Geico. You're like, I'm saving $60 a night, and these guys, I'm not sitting in a hotel room. Now, this doesn't happen every week. This doesn't happen every week, but it doesn't happen unless you try. Unless you're okay. And it's crazy to me, because I think a lot of people, like, I remember when I first took my first business trip, I was so excited.

I felt like a real adult. But I got a hotel room. There's not many jobs that would tell you, hey, you have to come out of town for this. But you're responsible to pay to get here and we're not going to put you up. No. But that's why you get yourself a car. You get that, like when I committed to it in 1995, when I knew I had nothing else going on, nothing else. I'd failed at marriage.

I had failed at life. I'd been to prison. I couldn't get all. I had come to an agreement with myself about my drug addiction. But I knew that I wasn't going to succeed in anything else. This was the only shot I had. $75 a night times five is $375 a week. Guys, if it was to drive around, not have a responsibility,

have a page of live in my car, and go for whatever dream I had at the time, that 375 was worth it, believe it or not. And that includes guys. And in those days, they wouldn't give you a hotel. But you still had to cover those three nights that you didn't, like, A lot of rooms, a lot of nights you go somewhere, it's a Tuesday, but Wednesday's open. But hopefully you meet a dude on Tuesday that says, hey, man, tomorrow and I'm looking for a feature, 50 bucks. Would you ever, like, try to get a gig?

Even if you didn't mean anybody, would you go to a bar and be like, hey, can I do comedy here and take the, nothing you wouldn't do that? You want to do that crazy? You know, they're not that embarrassing. Okay. They might throw you the fuck out. But I'm saying you're going to do comedy at a bar. Right. Okay.

And that comic, that host there, he's the radio guy. and he'll tell you, come back in two weeks and I'll give you another gig, but you didn't know that until you went there. They're not going to tell you that on the webpage. They're not going to tell you that. You know, there's a comic in town. I can't remember his name. He has a book that he sells to other comics with names of bookers across the country.

Oh, wow. That's smart. And I always felt kind of weird about it because, you know, they come and go. Right. Bookers come and go. But a market, you don't really know a market until you go into that market. You follow me? So this is how it starts.

You'll be at, you go to one of your open mics at Altadena, whatever the fuck you do. What's the library? At Water Village. Oh, okay. You go to go to library, and there's a dude there from Indiana.

And he knows you from the podcast, and he starts talking to him. He has 30 minutes, and his home club is, whatever the club is in Indiana. And he'll tell you, Lee, if you ever want to come out, though, I'll get you a fucking MC week.

Pays $300. You get yourself out there. $300. saying shit but when you go out there Lee you're gonna mc you're gonna get the 300 bucks but it's an investment you're gonna meet people one comic's gonna take yeah you're not gonna sit in your room you're gonna go out and after every show in those small cities they have another comedy show somewhere and the guy will give you his phone them and go next time you come back call me and I gotta I'll

at a Sunday night and a casino and I got a Thursday night gig which picks you up an extra hundred right I can so now next time you You come, you get a raise, and you get money from the back end and the front. It's very interesting. But the same applies to any job, anything that you want to do with your life. You're not going to know it's there until you go there. Right. It's like trying to find an apartment.

If you were trying to move to L.A. And we're just looking online for apartments, you wouldn't know. You're not going to find an apartment. Cities. You've got to get in a car and drive around in L.A. You don't know what you're looking for. Right. My wife found the house down the block from here while going to look at another house.

She parked over here. Yeah. And she walked. And when she walked back, the lady said, I'm renting up here. And this is why we're sitting in this office. My wife came to look at something else. So nothing, you never know where you're going until you get there. That's the beauty of this.

I wanted to cover something tonight. It's a Monday morning podcast, a light podcast. We got a great fucking week. We got a great lineup in August. But I wanted to talk to you guys about some because I've got a lot of emails lately. I didn't know how this started or how this ended. I got a bunch of emails. I guess when Theo was on Rogan's podcast, not last time or the time before,

they had a conversation about me checking in. Okay, you're on the phone. They're checking with Theo, and I check him with Joe. And Joe said, yeah, Joey's one of the guys that does that. And I've been getting a lot of emails about it. And it's like, I don't know. It seems like people are blown away by it. I mean, it's something that I've been, I've noticed for years.

And the other night when we might have taken mushrooms, I texted my best friend from high school. And I went to, I was in his wedding, but we talked probably three times a year. It's not like, I don't like most, you're, it's a very rare thing these days. even my parents used to do it when I was growing up but now I don't think they do it as much what's that talk with each other

with Facebook and all that that's what it's turned into it's just no no no no but I mean I had this thing going from as a youngster you just learn to check it people tell you when you were kid they check in tomorrow

and check in me and swing by say hello let me know if you're eating let me know if you need something that's what that means check in tomorrow Check in check in check in, check in, you know, and the problem is the reason why I check in with people The number one reason is and especially I learned it from doing comedy I learned it from being a salesman

That you ever get calls from people and they only call you when they need something all the time yeah I'm guilty of it too it sucks yeah it's really nice to get a call from somebody that just says hello Wait, do you become a full-fledged feature act? And you just call a booker to just say, hey, man, last time I worked at your club, I had a great time. Thank you. Or you become friends of them. You start calling them and you don't ask them for work. And it's like a hooker that you don't ask the fuck.

It drives them crazy. Because everyone else in the world is doing that. Everybody calls them for work. I would call Bookers to say hello. How you doing, man? Hope you well. You watched the Lakers last week. We fucked up the fucking Rockets, cock's sucker, didn't we?

You know, and they would get off the phone. And then when Rogan would headline their club, they would say something to Joe. Joey Diaz calls me. They ain't even looking for war. Were you hoping that they'd call you eventually? No, no, no, no. I had already gotten work from them.

Right. I had already them in the bag. I always just thought that as a booker, even as a comic, you get to feel like a horror. People just call you when they need some. It's very, like, I became like, okay, the guy who really started me in this comedy thing here was a guy with the name of Dan. And he ran the Braille Improv. I remember Dan, yeah. Dan was my motherfucker's motherfucker.

Dan called me, this was when two people fucking liked me in this town. Joe Rogan and fucking Dan. Dan ran the brayer improv And he told me, I want to bring you down here Just for you to make me fucking laugh And one day Dan called me When I was down and out

In Beverly Hills, guys I mean down and out And he goes, listen, man, I'm trying to start this new thing Comedy used to be Tuesday through Sunday In this town So take Monday off? Yeah, so Monday you would fly back

Basically on Monday morning, land at 11, go to your house, do laundry, feed your dogs go eat lunch and go pay your age in the commission and Tuesday morning you'd be back at the airport and you'd be at an improv on a Tuesday you had a show on Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

were the bigger only doing this too? Yeah, two Friday, two Saturday and one Sunday this was it and then the big names backed up to Thursday through Saturday got it. There was a time I remember doing two shows a night with Richard Johnny selling out Miami every fucking night two and then three on Saturday.

He walked out of there with $140,000. This had to be, God rest of the soul, this had to be 1998. He gave me a $1,000 tip. I thought I was going to fucking die. Nobody had ever given me a tip. And then later somebody said he walked with $140,000. It was $2,000, $4,6, $8,11, 13,

14 shows. Ah, that's almost 10,000. Something like that. He walked out of there. Wow. Like, he just destroyed him for a week, like something crazy back then, which I think that's what it was,

maybe 15 grand the show. I don't know exactly. But, you know, that's a long week. And he would come up with an hour and a half every night, and he'd switch up a half hour every night. He was fucking brilliantly. How often would he do that? Would he do that every week?

He would do that at the time. time richard jenny was working pretty much three and a half weeks a month he was doing cruise ships for big money like back then he would go on a cruise ship but he was getting huge paychecks like it was crazy but he wasn't really happy and i remember talking to him at the at the news cafe and coconut grove the old we used to go there for breakfast deliciously they give you a bag at and cut it up for breakfast and i dip it in that fucking you elk with butter that's how I got the way 400 pounds of fucking so anyway and I remember talking to him he wasn't happy about you know the stand-up like that at that time stand-up was

booming like it was every fucking I would go to Miami for three weeks in a row as a feature act do you think the internet almost kind of ruined it because now people have stuff to do at home is that like what the show is no hey listen people people are still coming out right yeah comedy you know people are still coming out for comedy but back back to this checking anything because it really it really baffled me that people didn't believe in it and that people had never heard of it before i listen i check in in the mornings with a rotation okay i have a rotation of timmy holloway george colladinsky jimmy v my friend the fucking senator veneery lubs

you know so I have a rotation there I have my old Colorado rotation Mike Kessler you know Medizio I got a bunch of people that I still talk to

that just we just still talk and we talk about the weirdest stuff and we get off the phone you know I still talk to Dominic remember who called into the show I just talked to him two days ago on the road the cop that called them from the FBI. Wow.

I become friends with people, it's really weird how, you know. Well, have you ever asked them? But there's, I'm trying to call Bob Lillinger's for a week, and I always forget Chicago time. Oh. And I knew he was on vacation last week.

You know, I talked to Bobby Sharon called. I all him a fucking call. You know, you always try to, the weekends are rough because you're on the road. the weekends are rough because you're on the fucking road and after time for some reason like sometimes they'll say one miss call so i just think lee called and then two days later i'll see that lee called i missed a call from you and i missed a call from somebody else but it just says one miss call oh weird What I was wondering is like have you ever talked with George or Timmy or any of them and said do you guys keep in touch with all the people? Yeah, Jimmy talks to a lot of people. Timmy, we all came from that cut.

Wow. We all came from that cut. You know, you have to work on friendship. That's what people really never really understood. Everybody always looks for 20 friends. You know, you have to work on your friendships, the same way you have to work. on your marriage. A couple weeks ago, I went on the road to Vegas. And that's why I tell people all the time. You know what? Man, we all have skeletons in the closet.

You got to check on them from time to time. Every once in a while you've got to take a skeleton out and break that skeleton down. You know what I'm saying? It was 20 years ago. It's time for you to take that skeleton down and pour some fucking lime on it and figure out what really happened. And the week that I was at in Vegas, for some reason I was writing. I was just writing freestyle for the book I was trying to put something together and I really really really thought about the situation with my ex-wife it was really weird it was like going from A to Z I don't know if you've ever been there that you're thinking about sports and next thing you're thinking about your girlfriend in high school about something

happening you go into an event and I just thought about and I told you guys that I told you guys a comment last week that there's a few people who saw me at my worst and she was one of them you know like you really don't know know anybody to you see them at their worst that's when you really get to see what a person is about and she got the fucking beauty to see me at my worst when i was at the worst human being i could possibly be in a couple of the people saw me that i still talked to but she was one of those people that saw i mean she saw it from the inside out she saw six years of it that i'm not too proud of and whatever.

So for some reason, I was, I was writing in the iPad, like the book, like just, and I ripped out my notebook. And I have a notebook where I write daily stuff in, like, what's on my mind. And I went to a chat that I had been on thing. And I wrote her a letter. Last weekend or a couple weeks ago? Yeah, a couple weeks ago. I wrote her a letter, man, like, apologizing for my behavior and just for the things. It just, and guys, let me tell you some.

You see that commercial about OCD, and you see the lady making a bunch of sandwiches. No, I haven't seen that one, yeah. There's a stupid commercial about some, how do you control your OCD, and how you see this girl cutting up a fucking lettuce, and then she's cutting up a fucking tomato. And all of a sudden she makes like 52 fucking sandwiches, you know, because she's obsessed with this thing. It was like the apology was coming out of me, and it was like I couldn't control my hand. I was writing it out, you know, and I really... all the bad things I had done in front of her, the drugs, the, just atrocious things that I had done, you know.

And there's times I sit here and I say, you know what, I want to kill her for what she did. You know what, man, after two weeks ago, I realized she had every right to do what she did because she saw me at my worst. And it takes a lot for somebody to say that, that she saw me at my worst. I mean, what's my worst?

Shackled in a fucking jail cell to fucking 20 other guys. shackled by my ankles and my wrists connected by a chain that's the worst you know what's the worst seeing me in a room after I haven't gone out for three days doing cocaine and my hair is greasy

I can't imagine myself with greasy hair she saw me with oil in my hair after three days you know shit like that you know she saw me one day after court yell things to her that no man would ever say to somebody I said the worst things

it was like the worst day it was like all the shit I had in me from all those years of suffering from my mom I unloaded on her in front of her husband or at that time

her boyfriend and the detective that had arrested me on the kidnapping thing because she had called him up for him to help her testify on how bad of a person I was and shit like that

but it was so funny that it was like a four-page letter and he just brought it out you didn't plan on writing this this happened No, front and back. I apologize for everything I did. Front and back.

I fucking went downstairs. I got an envelope. Oh, you sent it? No, I didn't send it. Okay. I fucking wrote it. And then I went outside that day and I smoked a joint. I lit the fucking thing on fire.

Oh, shit. And that was it. But at least I got it out of me. I put it on the universe. I got it out of me. You know, it was something that had been eating away at me for fucking 20, since 1994. Have you written letters before?

I always write letters. I love writing. I love my iPad, but I love the art and the gift of writing. When I write and I write freestyle like that, and I tell you that this notebook, not this particular one in front of me, but the notebooks of my house

have been my psychiatrist. The notebooks in my house are my psychiatrist. for some people people always say oh well your psychiatry is when you go up on stage and talk and tell the audience no it isn't it's the shit I write down because I've written down everything I've written down everything it's the weirdest fuck it's like that way that's what happened that day

with how I got to my wife I was writing about I got I pick a subject and I just went off on a tangent to something. We had had a podcast one day, and I went off on drugs, and a couple people got mad at me because I went down a foxhole with cocaine,

and then I went home, and I actually drew, like, not that, that day. Like, a couple weeks later, after I thought what I had done when I was in Vegas, I was thinking about that. I was thinking about something she said to me when I called her four years ago, three years ago to ask for her to call my daughter back. And she goes, I told her the effects of drugs and all this stuff. And I kind of batted it off. Like, here we go.

You know, blaming the fucking drugs again. You know what I'm saying? Like, you just, I hate when people blame fucking drugs for whatever I did. I did what I did because I did it, not because of fucking drugs. You know, let's knock it off. They did contribute. They did contribute a lot to the behavior. But I did what I did because of what I was feeling.

You know, I retweeted a thing by Bruce Lydia on day. man who doesn't know himself you know at I didn't get to know who the fuck I was and what I stood for till after I started stand-up do you think you do like how do you know oh fuck we all think we know what we all we all we all think we know who the fuck we are right and who the fuck we are what makes this and we don't know dick to dick and one day just all clicks it's like when you're fucking breaking into you ever see it like a movie uh the Italian job whenever the hot looks chick yeah would hit the safe and it would go whenever she would hit the fucking joint that's what your mind is like it just takes to hit it like I started comedy

in the 90 and 91 so what was I 28 29 I was to let's say I was 28 years old remember I told you for two years I did comedy and I had no idea what I was doing right so I didn't really even so I'm telling you guys right now to 95 was when I finally was in the ballpark. So that's 32. Now, you got to consider, I'm a fucking loser. You know, I got a GED, all that shit. So that means you guys could do it by the time you're 27.

You guys are all five years ahead of me. Let's just pretend. Let's just fucking pretend, you know. But I don't think so. I think we all, you don't really, nobody really gets it. Well, do you think it changes maybe? Like you're a different person at different stages of your life, so you kind of have to find each stage?

Absolutely fucking Louis. Absolutely. I fucking, this is why I do not like what's going on with the Me Too. Like I was thinking about Papillon. Okay, Papillon is a movie that was by, today I was watching something with my daughter. And I think Papillon means butterfly in French. Okay. You know, and there's a movie called Papillon with Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman.

And it won Academy Award. I think it won Academy Awards. I'm not sure. It's a great movie. They remade it with Jacks Teller. Oh, wow. Okay. Jack's Teller.

See if you find that. the trailer for Papillon with Jacks Teller. But it's a great movie. It's a prison movie. Fuck the fucking one with the black guy and a white one to Sharshunk Reddnich and you don't like that one? I never even saw that. Okay.

I never even seen that fucking. It's probably not what prison is like. Well, it's also old-time prison. I watch bits and pieces out. It's not for me. I don't know what it is. But what the fuck are we talking about? Papillon.

Papillon. See what it comes out. Well, it came out in 2017. It came out. Don't tell me that movie came out already. Yeah. When was it released? I'm trying to find that right.

No, no, no. It was made in 2017. That movie cannot have been released yet. If that movie's been released... Oh, you know, you're absolutely right. I'm sorry. It's coming out in August, August 24th. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with it?

I don't know why IMDB says 2017 for it. No, because that's when they filmed it. Oh, okay. God, I thought it was released. My MBB is no, filming. Oh, okay. Well, Papillon is a great. fucking movie. And I don't know if the original

won an Academy Award. Steve McQueen was great, but the guy on the side was Dustin Hoffman. But his legacy is getting wiped out because of the foot rub incident. You know, like with all that shit. Now, if it's something you did two weeks ago, I could understand

it. But if you're going to come back on me from something I did 24 years ago, number one, I don't think that's right. And number two, I tell you what else I don't like about it, that your livelihood is gone without getting judged by a jury of your peers. You're just getting judged by one person. It's your word against mine. Well, that part is scary.

But where do you draw the line? Like, how long does something matter? Like, how long does it? It matters forever. You're always liable. But you know what? Call me. Call me first.

And say, hey, man, I think in 94 one night you were a little bit out of bounds. But for you to go to the AP news now and say this, what are you gaining by you? Nobody fucking remembers 1994. I'm the only idiot that that goes there because I want to bring myself there from time to time to see how I felt there when I write a book or when I write a joke. But who remembers 1994? You? Oh, six, seven. So that's what I'm saying.

Like they were accusing them of something he did on the set in 2000. And we're all different people. Let me tell you something. I've been, I could honestly look at you and tell you I was five different people in my life. I think every 10 years or something? I guarantee you. I still remember being the scared, like not having any dreams, not thinking I could ever amount to nothing, kid. And then I remember having a little hope and just being like a junkie thief.

And then my mother died. I remember just like those 10 years were just sad. And then I remember this other thing. kid that was just a fucking, I'm an animal. Like an animal. And then I remember like a me starting comedy. And I remember those first couple of years of me at war with my ex-wife, and I was still an animal, dressed in sheep's clothing. And I had already

been to prison. And I was still a fucking animal. I mean, I struggle with this sometimes, because I was, I must think as an ex-convict, you must get judged a lot for stuff you did. and I admit like sometimes if I if I would go online or if I heard some girl that I knew was dating a guy who had just got out of jail

it's like what does she think? But I don't know where you're supposed to draw the line I don't know where you're like yeah they are a bad person or oh they made one mistake and why are we judging them it's kind of weird as you go up you're like oh maybe maybe I shouldn't look down on these people

coming out of prison coming out of making bail the first time was one of the most difficult periods of my life because I'm walking around thinking that everybody knew what had happened. Right. Even people didn't know me. Like I could walk into a supermarket

and have a funny feeling that this guy was looking at me weird because my name came out in the paper or something like that. It really changed the game for me mentally. I'm not going to lie to you. And it changed it on levels because then even,

And I looked at it as a joke. What was a joke? Well, you know, I had done something bad. I'd gotten in trouble. And if you guys want me to lie to you and tell you that, like after two months when I realized what I had done, I went back to being Coco. Like, I just didn't give a fuck.

And it was like a joke. Like, it was like a joke. And it was like that. I haven't ashamed to tell anybody. It's a true. It's the mental state I was at that time with the drugs and the whole fucking deal. It was like a joke from it. Like I remember like from February of 88 to August 15th when I got sentenced to 88.

Like it was like I was living this fucking fantasy land. Like I was going to get myself out of it. But that was the first time I really started trying and I could see that I could do something with my life. That's weird about it. Like looking back now, you know, I still remember getting that letter. Like I'm out on bail. And I get this letter from the University of Colorado. Like, I'm out on bail.

Okay? This is like, again, you guys always say, well, Joey, you have no idea what you're talking about with the universe. I'm out on bail. I can't sell a car. I can't make a fucking living. You know, I'm living off a little bit of savings I have put away. I'm eating conservatively. At that time, I had a girlfriend, but I really wasn't going out.

my roommate sold coke so I stole it from him and every once in a while I bought $20 worth the fucking cocaine or something like that I don't know what I was going to say to you what was I talking about when you were on bail how you felt on bail and one day I got a letter like here I am this fucking huge loser everybody knows what happened you know I can't get a job in the car business and I got a letter from University of Colorado

and they're like congratulations Mr. Diaz we've just been writing we're reaching out to you to inform you that you are not uh you are not allowed to take classes at continuing education anymore that you either have to transfer to a a higher college i don't know how they worded or the university of colorado i'm like wait a second whoa whoa whoa wait a second what are you calling me here that i can't go now It was like, so you're asking me to apply for the University of Colorado. So there was a number on the bottom. And I called this lady, whatever, and I'm like, this is Joey Deere's, whatever.

She's like, yeah, we got your credits from Rocky Mountain College that you went to an 83 and 84. And with the last two years here, we've got all your credits, and you have enough credits to transfer into a university. You can't take any more credits. you have to start taking those classes that matter like calculus yeah oh yeah all that's like and I had a couple history classes like basic math like intro to economics

like shit like that that's the shit I was taking while I was doing coke and selling cars and being crazy I still always took six credits a semester with no high school diploma no high school diploma you fucking moochies I just went there and lied to them yeah I got a diploma Once I got arrested and I came on on bail, there's a criteria list.

And if you have that criteria list covered, it makes your sentencing easy. And one of them is having a GED. That's why I took my GED. Oh, my, at least your priorities. But, I mean, so you're so, so the whole world, it feels like the whole world's against you? The whole world was against me. But here are major colleges asking me to enroll in their college. And did you feel bad because you knew you couldn't?

So now it's February. Okay. Huh? Did you immediately know I can't do this? I'm going to jail. I immediately knew I couldn't, but I go, I'm not going to jail. I'm going to college. I just made my, I'm just, I just told the biggest lie of my life to myself.

Like bigger than comedy. Like that was the first time I fucking lied to myself. No, I'm lying to you. That was the second time. The first time I lied to myself was when I thought, I told everybody, my God, my stepfather was going to give me money from my mother's estate. I knew he wasn't going to give me nothing. just said it to myself to make myself feel good.

We lie to ourselves to make our feel. Lee, when I got that letter from the University of Colorado, are you fucking kidding me? Who's going to prison? I'm going to college. I'm back to school. Like Rodney. I can't go back. I can't go to prison?

I can't go to prison. I'm going to college. I called that lady immediately. She goes, come down tomorrow and pick up an application and submit it with $35 or $25, whatever the fuck it was, $25. And I submitted it. I submitted my fucking GED.

Thank God I had taken it. Like I took the, they took, they made me go to a class like three Saturdays in a row. Okay. From 11 to three just to review it. And then you take the test. Only a fucking moron. Only a retard could fail that fucking test for free. For free.

Some school just said just come here from 11 to 3 on Saturdays. And we'll go over everything that's going to be on the GED. And then the fourth week, you fucking take the GED. And I pass. I got my high school equivalency to Cuoma. And so, like, three weeks later, I got a call from Colorado, come on down. I go down there, I give them the paperwork. I got my little fucking equivalency diploma and shit.

And no one looked at the date on? They don't give a fuck about nothing. It's all about Benjamin's, baby. True. So I give them all my shit. And now I even call the attorney. I go, listen, Don. You ain't going to believe this.

We ain't going to jail. He's like, what are you talking about? You got rid of the victim? I go, no, no, no, no, no. I'm going to college. He's like, what are you talking about? I go, let me tell you what I'm talking about. I got 26 fucking credits.

All these years, while everybody thought I was dicking around, I was accumulating credits like a fucking, like a scholar that I am, taking intro to this, intro to that, and fucking, he's like, are you crazy? But you're on to something. Because this could save you. So I paid everything. I had to get transcripts from high school.

sent over, I had them fucking do all this shit, and boom, they told me no. No. They said, no, no, no, no. But, see, when I did the paperwork for some reason, I don't know what happened. I had one of my white moments, and I didn't mark Hispanic. What did you put? I don't know. Italian?

No, like white. I don't know. I don't fucking know what I put on there. And the guy called me back. His name was James Hadamillo. I looked them up. He just recently retired because I wanted to thank him.

He called me up and he goes, if you were to mark Hispanic in that box and redo a couple things on your paper, I could probably get you into the C.U.O.P. College program here. What's OP? Minority program for blacks and Latinos. And all you had to keep was a fucking like 2.0 average.

and they throw thousands of dollars at you. And I was like, sign me the fuck up. Where do I check the box? Even better. Yeah, that's a true. That's a true fucking story, guys. And I got it to the University of Colorado. I picked all my courses.

I did one course. Like, they had this, me do this one, four-week intensive, like three nights, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. To get you ready for college or something? To get me ready, like I did that. I was ready to go. I wrote a letter to the judge. I wrote a letter to the pre-probation department.

Now, when you get sentenced to prison, it's not really the judge who sentences you. You know that, right? He has litigations and he has a bunch of things. It's the probation department that sentences you. There's a thing called a pre-probation investigation. At least it was with my day guys. The big thing for me was my interview with the proclamation.

Probation lady. My attorney got me prep for that. They fucking hired a chick who sat with me. That cost me like $1.25 an hour for like three or four hours and prepared me for my meeting with this probation lady. We hired, when we hired a private investigator, he did all his homework on her, and she was from New York City. We grew up like four blocks apart at one point. You had the private investigator look up the probation lady? Yeah, my attorney was a bad motherfucker.

So we did our homework and I went in there. But I didn't claim liability. And that's what pissed her off. That I throughout our conversation, she liked me. And she said that I would never, ever, ever probably get in trouble again. That I would never commit recidivism. That I would never get in trouble again. But that I had to get spanked.

Because I didn't understand what I had done. Remember I told you? I thought it was a joke. Jesus, that's a lot of power Yeah But I'm very happy She did that No, really? You're happy?

Yeah Put Tony Bennett up It's Monday That's it The month is over That's it It's August 1st on Wednesday, bitches The rent is due

Get your shit together I want to be around To pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart some somebody twice as smart as I a somebody who will swear to be true as you used to do with me see the video my client made with this with the comedy store yeah Leave you to learn That misery

Let me get some shoutouts My man Brent Yon My girl Destiny down there Fucking Salt Lake I'm sorry I didn't get the weed from you Eric Andre Cash Donovan Tony Jack Mance

My man Dominic Salas Thanks for coming Adam DeMange James Benson And Boasley Bellows Hold on I got a note in here somewhere What the fuck did I put it I think it's in here

Oh, that's for you. Jesus. My card for you. Thank you. I don't know where the fuck I put it here. I've heard great things about Utah, so it's awesome to hear that you had a good time. Even people on the open mic, so they tell me that the open mic at that club is great. It's a comedy fucking powerhouse of a town.

They're loving comedy. I looked at that lineup. They got a great lineup. And I want to do a special happy birthday shout-out. to my man Matt Llamas I know it's your birthday

I think Tuesday Cuck sucker Happy birthday I got to you from Mike Klein so I didn't forget about nobody

but it's no it's a great town it's becoming you just you'll see over the years you go to these places and

you see the building you see the comics that start coming there and you get you hear different rum wings and people like

bro that's a good fucking room and And that's a great room. It's a, I mean, I was blown away. I was blown away. Even Vegas was great.

Like Vegas, the South Point was great. Fucking great. Both shows were packed, great. You know, it took a long time. Whatever I was going through, it took a long time. I'm happy. I'm back. But back to the fucking checking in thing that really got me.

That nobody, it's so weird. Okay. So there's, I don't know if you guys know where we live. in Southern California. So there's clubs in San Diego. There's clubs in Ontario. Now this is coming up from Mexico up. So first you at San Diego,

then there's a club in Ontario. Then there's like where Rogan was this weekend, Palut, Pecaloosa Casino. Pachanga. Pachanga. And then you have like the Irvine Spectrum Comedy Club. Then you have Brea. And then you have Hollywood, right?

And you have the Hollywood area. And then you have the Valley where we are. And then you have Oxnard and you have the Chinese restaurant, Ventura, and you got, that's it, you got the Ha-ha, North Hollywood and Flappers, and you got all this stuff.

When you play the clubs on the South Bay, like either Brea, Irvine, or Ontario, it's really weird what happens to your Facebook. You start getting hit up by comics from that area.

And first they hit you up with a simple question. Hey, how you doing? was thinking about it the other day. And then a week later, they go right for the juggler and they go, was wondering if you had a feature spot for next week. No, I have nobody.

You just said, and even if I didn't have nothing, I wouldn't give it to them just for the sense of how they did it. Do you follow me? So let's say you had a gig coming up in two weeks down there. Do you expect like, all right, the Thursday before I'm going to get a call from this guy? Like, do you know now who's going to call you and when? No. If you called me all year every month and said hello,

I'd probably call you and give you that gig anyway. Gotcha. Do you follow me? I know who's going to hit me up for something just by that first email or a Facebook message. Instead of email me throughout the year and having me involved, they email you a week out. And they hit you with something weird. Hey, I saw you on TV the other day.

and then they hit you with the, can I feature for you on this date? And it insults me because they're nice kids. It insults me because they're nice kids. They're just doing it all wrong. It's so weird how I'm doing after the Netflix special comes out,

I'm going to give this a tour, and I know the comics I'm taking on, I'm taking you out on a couple days, George Perez, Eric, I got Kate Quigley, I got Dean Delray, always, Diagistino. I like these young guys.

I put them on the podcast for reason I've seen and now I've watched them grow like when Theo first came on this podcast he was a headliner that was struggling now Theo's a fucking headliner you know now Theo had his doubts a couple of years ago three years ago when we were Theo Theo was going through his own personal demons look at Theo today what do you think changed he was in his head he was using drugs and he got cleaned up And he got out of his head. The drugs were given him like a social thing, the same thing I still have.

You know? But it takes time. You know, you see these people like now, like Eric Roachell last week, for example. I think Eric's a funny, funny guy, Lee. I think he's a very, very funny guy. He's made me laugh on nights that I can't. I'm at the fourth wall waiting to fucking stab myself in the fucking eyeball. And he had lines of thing.

And I've said to myself for the last six months, What's this kid doing here? He should be in one of his clubs on sunset. He should be at the laugh factory at least. Every night. Kill him. Closing out to fucking dirty shows. Because he has no fear, Eric.

Eric Rocha has no fear. He'll follow me, Eric Rocha. He doesn't give a fuck. And I know that about him. I see how bad he wants it. I see who he is his disciple of. I see who he watch. You know, here's a guy that doesn't want to hang on the comedy.

And when he goes to the comic store, he actually pays and pays and watches comedy. He's done it a few times since I'm known. He can actually call me and go, can you put me on a list? And he won't do that. He'll pay the 25 bucks to see Doug Stan or even come and see me. He'll pay for the original. I remember one night turning on the original room, and there he was. Your birthday show, yeah.

I almost shit my pants, you know. I would have put him on stage. I liked them back then. I just didn't really know how to approach him. But once he had said to me that guys like me usually don't like him, it really ate me up inside because that's not what I'm about I like funny I like funny I like funny I'm a fan of fucking funny I got into this to laugh I want to laugh I want to laugh even if you bomb sometimes somebody bombs and this is the funniest thing of the war you've

seen me bomb hilarious when I bomb my bombing style nobody bombs better than uncle Joe I take it like a man I know I'm bombing sometimes you see somebody the worst is open mics when somebody thinks they have good jokes and they're bombing there's so many different levels of bombing and there's so many different levels of funny I've seen people bomb who are hilarious is that the weirdest thing to tell you because they bomb funny brodie oh right yeah absolutely brodie Stevens I know bro I know brodie 20 years when he was doing that and people looking at him like what the fuck is he talking about I still remember him in gig hard Washington summer of 96 me him and Josh Wolfe and him stopping in the middle of

the act and saying how come there's no brothers up on the wall because there's no Jews up on the wall because the whole stage was head shots and frames and in the middle of his act he looked at the wall and he goes hey how come there's no Jews up here I'm not coming back to Gig Harbor till I see a Jew up here and he was looking at the three Jews that were on there and he's like they're not real Jews Like, you know, you see the progression of these comics. And do you think the people who are hitting you up for Braya and all that aren't doing this sort of work? They're not progressing?

No. They're just wait. They're waiting for the Bluebird happiness to knock on their door. Listen, when you're a feature act, you have to work every, like Matt Fultron. Matt Fultron is a fucking machine. Isn't that his name? Yeah. He's the machine.

Every time I talk to Matt Fulton, he's somewhere else. The machine's burnt. The machine's burnt. He's the full charge. I give him, like he's doing D.C. and Philadelphia with me. Oh, cool. That'll be a good show? Yeah, that's a great show.

Because I know he's in the East Coast. It's a train ride for him. He doesn't give a fuck. And he gives me, I mean, he works at any level. Some weeks he had, like, they're all like, all those guys are on weird cusps. They can feature and they can headline, including Kay Quigley, including Dean Dallory. I heard Dean Dowerer was phenomenal. I want to give him a shot.

out Dean Del Rey was phenomenal up in Montreal this weekend. Congrats, buddy. Congrats to Dean Del Rey. I mean, we had him on the show up four or five years ago. I know a hustler. I know the difference between the hustler and a fucking con man. Because I was both. I'm both.

So do you think the reason why people like Eric might not be at those clubs is just because they don't have a name yet? Like is that the... Absolutely. Eric just... Eric's life's about to change. I'm taking them on the row and I'm leashing them on people. and people are going to run out of those things

because he's going to hit him hard but he's going to learn how to feature he's going to be a good fucking feature he's going to be very funny he's going to put it together and then I'm going to know how to handle him in the Midwest of St. Louis when he tells him a gay joke

that's what makes me laugh are you going to not make him make him but you're going to be like you have to tell the no I don't I don't I don't do nothing to people that's not my gig I'm not If you come to me and ask me, I may give it to you because I know you,

or I may not say a fucking word to you. Then when they go, Lee, when are you going to let that joke go already? When are you going to let it go already? How many times are they having to fucking bomb for you to fucking let the joke go by now? You know, I'm one of those guys. I don't want to say nothing to you. I'll keep letting yourself, hang yourself until you come to me one day. They fired me.

Well, because you want to do that joke about eating dogs. The guy don't want, the guy's a fucking vet. You know the guy's a fucking vet. You want to keep doing it? Because sometimes you pick a joke and we'll go to war with it on our own merit because that's who you are as a comedian. Because you love it so much.

You love it so much and your ego thinks it's overpowering. But the joke has just got off. I'm the king of that. I've done it for years. I listened to all those CDs and said, ooh. But it's all, checking in is all a part of salesmanship.

It's letting the people know you care for them. You know, that thing, that kid that hacked us or whatever, that printed that thing weeks ago. It was from Reddit. And it said, why all these guys liked me? That he, they couldn't figure out with all the things I had done, that why did these comics look up to me and like all that shit? You know, I still have a card from Ari on my wall from like 1998,

from him thanking me. That card means more to me than any TV show. anything you know in like 2008 when I was thinking about quitting comedy I was talking to a friend of mine 2009 before I got to the podcast in business with Felicia and he said that a lot of comics looked up to me young guys so I should start talking more to them and I used to talk to Rizzo and that's how I met Johnny Rock and all those guys you know and I got back and how I got back into comedy was true young guys sort of what you did with the fourth wall like you reinvigorated you. DiAgostina.

Right, yeah. DiAgostina. We met each other on the same night. Yeah. Really? Yeah, we met at the Ha-ha. We all met the same night. Well, no, you probably knew DiGistina a little bit before that, but I meant both. I meant to say I meant both of you the same night. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was weird. The Agostino brought me back. He got me ready for that Gabriel Glacier show. And then I had mercy, the CD, you know, then I just, and that was all without the store. That was without the store. That's why now I decided I'm just doing comedy at the store. That's it.

That's it. Because you got so far without it, but you can tell different. It's just, listen, you know what, man? I belong at the store. I even told Tripoli that I saw Tripoli on the way out. And he goes, hey, when are you going to do sick? I'm like, you know what, bro? For right now, I'm going back to my original rule.

I'm just going to do spots at the store. And on the road. And my little little fling I got, my little residual thing I got up at the Ice House. My little residential working out with Uncle Joey once a month or once every other month or something like that. In between big shows or something

so you stay active and run the hour. But I'm not doing comedy anywhere else at home. I don't have that much time. Listen, starting August 13th, she's got to be at school at 8 a.m. That means if I get home at 11, I'm not going to be in bed until 12, to 1. I got to be up at 7 with her.

me and my wife. In fact, we're going to start running it this week, so she's ready that week that she's off, because this is her last week at camp. So she's in regular school now? Yeah, she starts regular school in the 13th. So I'm running this game a lot different starting on the 13th. This game has to change.

I can't be out late at night. I got to... Because you've already seen all the options you need to see. No, no, no, no, I'm fine. I'm still going to do my comedy. I'm still going to do my thing, but... But you don't need to go to different rooms like I do. No.

That's it. I'm just going to go to the store and be where I belong. That's where I belong. That's where I belong. Metal sharpens metal. You know, metal sharpens metal. Makes sense. It's pretty interesting. I like all the other rooms. But for me to go on the road and do what I have to do, metal sharpens metal. You know, you want to get good of Jiu-Gitza?

You got to go to Cabrini. You got to go to Alberto Crane or you got to go to Janjok. Or you got to go. Everything else is mediocre. When you come to me and you go, listen, I either want to go on the UFC, well, I want to fucking start competing, fucking four big contests a year, pick one of those three. It's Alberto, Cabrini, or John Jack Machado.

You know, up here, you know, I don't know what else is going on all over the country. I'm talking about a peer. You know, you have great schools in Orange County and all that stuff. I'm talking about a pier. If you said, I got to train up in this area up here, it'd be Cabrignia. Doesn't he train for Fabrice or Verdume? You know, I know John Jockers trained a ton of people. I mean, I know I learned from one of his fucking black belts who's brilliant.

Brett's one of his black belts who's brilliant. So is true jiu-jitsu up in Bakersfield, Matt Baker. John Jockers unleashed a bunch of, but that's what I do. So for me to be the best I can be, I got to be on the Tuesday line up at the store. Every fucking week with Ron White, with Joe Rogan, following Joe Rogan, following, you know, Sam Tripley, following DeLea. You know how it is to follow Chris DeLeer? No, I have to.

When I see I have to follow Chris DeLea, I just stick a sword in my fucking neck. You know, following Chris DeLea is like, that's a clean, good-looking guy. I'm in no danger. Do you remember, was there a time where you felt like you had to go up multiple times the night? Oh, yeah, I did it all the time.

Not even to get better, but I just meant, like, sometimes, like, if I have an actual show that I'm doing, I always do an open mic first just to get the rust off. Yes. practice absolutely and I like that's a that's a hardest part for me when I see you going into a Thursday or something like geez that must be hard to go in cold no I use Thursday as my world warm up okay my Thursday night show in the city is my warm up I go out Wednesday night like this week I went out Wednesday did the comedy store with Joe on Wednesday I had an idea what I

want to do I can only run 20 minutes and then at least Thursday night I'm not cold that's cold That's cold to me Like days in between At least so Thursday on the plane I put together my list The shit I wanted to try What was up in the air? What's out there?

There's stuff that's out there And then Thursday I go up there And I probably do like an hour And then on the weekends I cut it down Because you got to move to people in and out The two shows are sold out But I try everything on Thursday

Thursdays are your warm-up night Once you get into that big league Like that's what I use it for When you were like touring What do you try to find it open mic in that city or no? When I was touring, I did everything I couldn't leave. I don't know what you taught.

I did every set there was that night to do. Cars, trains, planes, and automobiles. I never did the New York scene. But when I started, and my first three years of serious comedy, two years were Boulder. And that was, I had to drive, I had to go to Cheyenne, Wyoming, some nights, the weekends. when I got to Seattle,

Monday night was your comedy underground in Tacoma. Tuesday it was the comedy underground and there was like a vogue art bar that there was girls dancing in cages and you had to go up in between and do 10 minutes and you ate a big big digger death and they gave you three drinks.

That's where we met Frankie the Knows. That's for me and Josh became friends with Frankie the Knows, the guy we robbed the safe with and all that shit. Then Wednesdays you had a specialty show at the fucking underground. but Laura Crocker had a room and so did Donna Richards. So you called them up and got a guest set from them.

So I would have three sets on a Wednesday night. I learned that hustle early. When you get into comedy, it's about sets. It's just sets. Your first three years is just sets. Sets. I don't know what you're talking about. Christmas, I don't know what you're talking about.

New Year's, I don't know what you're talking about. You know, but then again, your first three years, nobody's hiring you on the weekends. Right. So you have the weekends. You basically work Sunday through Thursday like an animal. Unless a club gives you like a local club makes you a house MC work, there's really no work for you at that level. Do you think that's like, because I've heard you say for a while that you're not a huge fan of people starting here in New York.

But do you think that might be the only benefit is that you have open mics available to you every night? You have open mics available, but the quality of the open mics is shit. That's also true. They're shit. They're shit. And everybody wants to be a star. The mentality is different. The mentality is a lot different

than an open mic here than in San Francisco than an open mic in Minneapolis. Because everybody's going to work the next day. And ain't nobody talking about NBC or going to fucking Montreal or nothing. So you really get you focused on comedy, the smaller market. I don't like these markets

because it gets you, it gets, puts people in places they shouldn't be at. They shouldn't be at it. It just puts you in weird positions. It's good for you to see what the major leagues is, but it's all so good to know who you are. Here, you don't know who you are. People telling me to get head shots.

I heard that the other night, Joey D. is one on stage, and I heard the other night, Eric Rocha went on stage at a steakhouse, and he got signed by CAA, you know, wait, that's, it's a different thing. It's not, you know, people just trying to be fucking the funniest than they can. You're trying to open up for this guy. You're trying to do this.

There's always a backhandery in those little markets. First of all, you go to your place. You know, I was very fortunate. And I never forgot Jimmy Abeda. Jimmy Abeda knows I love him. I love Jimmy O'all. my heart. Jimmy's a goofy fucker, but I love Jimmy.

Mexican power out of Denver. One of the hardest working comics I've ever seen in my life. If it wasn't for Jimmy, I would not be here right now. He's one of those comments that isn't the top 10 of people that helped me out. Jimmy knew how to produce rooms.

Him and Andy Payton are very important in my life. Me and Keith Stubbs were talking about Andy Payton. I've never, ever ever seen anybody repeat Andy Payton in what way what he did he told the establishment to go fuck themselves and he did his own thing and he did it his way like Sinatra and it worked for about five or six years but it was a lot of work for him and I wish that I was experienced enough I don't thank him enough like I don't thank I can't thank Andy Payton enough because

there was a guy but not Bill Blumen Reich up in Boston there's Dick Dorety. Yeah, he owned the club by next to Emerson for a while. Okay, so Dick Dorety was like a C-room guy. Yeah, it was in a bank vault. Right, and he had a bunch of different rooms, and he cheated people and stuff like that. But if you ask Joe Rogan, who helped him out the most in Boston,

it was Dorety because Dick Dardy didn't give a fuck how dirty you were. You know, nobody wanted to work for Dick. But Dick made Joe a fucking comic. If you go to Joe Rogan and ask him, did Dick Dardy help you? He'll tell you immensely, because the other comics were all very oaky-dokey, and they didn't like Joe or Joe's comedy,

wouldn't fit their style or whatever. You know, for me, my Dick Doherty, I had Andy Payton, Jimmy Abada, and one of the guy that was a motorcycle mechanic, and those three guys were responsible for where I am today. Because I was in New York doing what you're doing now, and it just sucked Dick. That's what I've heard.

It just sucked dick. Multiple. I don't give a fuck what anybody tells you. It sucked dick. Yeah, you, and everybody's mean, everybody's got an attitude, and everybody knows this guy, and everybody knows that guy. It wasn't for me. I navigated my way through it.

Don't ask me how. Don't ask me how. I was a junkie. I was in pain. It was 93. I knew how to hustle, but my comedy was a zero. I was a zero. and it wasn't it was me and the scene I was in was in New York I had something going on I was

getting up on stage I just wasn't getting on stage enough and it was roughly it was heart-wrenching I was going through a lot you got to bring five people to perform on a Friday you got to you know I had to make a living I had to send child support I had to pay rent you know I had to do comedy arena I wasn't any good I couldn't wait what are you talking about 10 fucking years to get funny. I need this now, man. I don't need 10 years. 10 years?

Fucking 10 years? Who's got 10 years? It's kind of how I feel right now. I'm 32 fucking years old. It's 1993. I'm 30 fucking years old. I don't own anything. I don't own anything.

I don't own anything. I don't have a car. I got no credit. My credit's zero. I got my car repossessed. I got nothing. I got nothing. I got nothing.

I got nothing. This is all I fucking got. I drive a fucking limo and I fucking snort coke and now you're telling me that I got a shop with five people that I only got four here so I can't go up. That type of shit. Oh, Lee, you have no fucking idea.

And I said, fuck this shit. I went back to Colorado and I called Jimmy Abaynor and he changed my life because he had rooms every night. I had 40 people. That's wild. For those of you listening, 40 people for a guy like me is like Madison Square Garden.

And I would love to do a run in front of 40 people. That 18-month period was so crucial for me because my heart and my soul were crushed because of what was going on in my personal lap. But my comedy was on fire. That was when I got into a stride. Monday nights I did the Outback for the Steakhouse? Yeah, for Andy.

It was called the Outback. It wasn't a steakhouse. Tuesday I did something else. Wednesday, I did three things. I remember Sunday was line dance class. And then we'd do follow the line dance class. And if I didn't have anything, I went to a coffee shop. And the girl's boyfriend was in the halfway house with me.

She was the manager. And she would sign me up on a list for poetry night. And I would go up there and do comedy. They'd tell me to get the fuck out of. Like, boo. Boo. That's not poetry. Get off.

They would boo you? Fuck, yeah. They would boo me. Oh, my God. Come on, Lee. Look, dog. This the frat. Like, I'm here today.

Because of what I did in the fucking 90s. Not because I did the longest yard, not because I did Spider-Man too. Think about that. Not because I did any of that shit. It's what I did from 91 to 2000. So think about it. No matter what you do, no matter what career path you choose, you're going to have to suck dick the fucking, you're going to have to Harvey Weinstein it for a while.

No matter what you do, you really do. What business you start, whether you start a yoga business, whether you, you know, what's the girl I got divorced and, you know, did the tubs and the fuck, you know, people start shit and you're going to have disappointments, but don't give up. The first 10 years or something are fucking brutal. And I didn't find out about this until I started going to the fourth wall and going, these guys have been doing comedy for four years.

This is rough. And there's a couple people there right now who even, one guy who's new, relatively came out. I even said it to the group. He's like, I tried this 20 years ago. And you don't want to be like me coming back and starting over because you gave up and were too scared. Oh, no. People do it all the time. That's crazy.

And I, and you know what, man? I started a lot of things. I started a lot of things and I quit a lot of fucking things. I'm not going to sit, come on, guys, I quit everything. I couldn't, I couldn't

fucking handle a fucking hard day's work if you fucking paid me. I quit bartending. I was a fucking, oh my God. I quit everything. Everything, you know? I knew once I got into this, there was no looking back. But if I quit this, I would have felt terrible. Did that coincide with what we were talking about earlier when you realized who you were as a person?

Like, you're like, if I can't quit this? It all happened in 95, guys. Wow. A lot of things just fell into pieces. I knew who I was. I knew I was a junkie. I accepted it. I knew I couldn't do anything else.

I knew I wanted to be a comic. I knew I couldn't be a father. I knew I was a failure as a father. That's the truth. That's, I was a failure. And at the time, you know, that's why it took me so long to marry Terry because I had failed in marriage.

Failing in marriage is to account like me. It's fucking disgusting. because you failed because of communication. You know, like when people go, well, I got married too young, I got married for the wrong reason. You know, that's it. I got married for the wrong reason,

and you pay for it. That's what happens when you do something like that. When you waste somebody's time, you fucking pay for it, and I paid for it. And today, I still pay for it. But what am I going to do? You want me to wear it on my fucking shoulder

and walk around in pain and have to go see a psychiatrist? It's done. I wrote the letter as I had lit it on fire. Right, and that was it. But before I was done with this situation, maybe six months ago, I come to the conclusion.

And then last week when Mercy lost her tooth. She lost a tooth? Yeah, that's when I officially fucking knew that. Because I was never with Jackie when she lost her teeth. So you made it longer? So I made it longer. So I'm good. It all came full circle for me.

I'm disappointed. It didn't work out. But you can't... Remember since I watched that movie, Molly's game, that line has stayed in my head that in this life, you only make a couple of good decisions. And they turn out to be great, you know what I'm saying? So stick with whatever you have in your mind. And thank you very much for listening to the church of what's happened now. Don't forget next week, I'm in fucking Kansas City, Missouri on the night the Thursday night, 8 o'clock, make sure you're there.

fucking Friday night Rogan's in town I know you gotta do you gotta do you gotta do you know Rogan hasn't been there in years I understand but I'm there on Saturday night

so I'm ready to fucking rock you don't want to miss Uncle Joey I'm showing up with Dean Del Rizzy and then two weeks later Huntsville Alabama oh shit one show Thursday night and then Friday Saturday

Nashville are you fucking kidding me or what my niece is coming with doing the whole fucking thing it's gonna be great I'm excited again I want to thank

everybody for listening to the podcast. I'll see you motherfuckers Wednesday. I got my main man lean. Don't forget for the best supplements out there. Audit. From the Shroom Tech, what do you think I did before I got in the plane today? Shroom Tech immune.

I could sit next to Asian and I don't have to put a mask on me. He's breathing on me, trying to give me his fucking Malook. Fuck that. I took my Shroom Tech fucking immune. Tip top, Magoo, I'm fucking ready to go. Shroom Tech Sport.

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That's how we do it, bitches. Again, I want to thank the flying June. I want to thank you guys. We'll be back Wednesday morning. Ready to rock. Don't forget to check in. You got a couple people in your life that you need to check in with a couple days a week.

Just say hello. Whatever. Guess what? You make that fucking day. That's the most important thing. Have a great fucking Monday. Don't forget to listen to Theo Vaughn. And we'll see you guys through a Wednesday.

Love you, motherfucker. Stay black. Kick that Mark of Meal, Louis. Lee.