The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #608 - Ethan Suplee

Episode Date: August 13, 2018

Ethan Suplee, an actor seen in television shows ("My Name Is Earl") and movies ("American History X" and "Remember The Titans"), joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:    FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 08/13/2018.


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So go to Fuji Sports, order a nice glee on the way out press. Church? And get 10% on the Liberty House. Is that too much the fucking ass from you savages? Kick this fucking meal, Lee. It's the 10 crack commandments. Uh, uh, uh, uh, are you kidding me or what?

Can't tell me about this crack, this weed for my hustler, niggas. Church of what's happened now. Ethan Supley. The Trice Killer, Lysayette. Uncle Joey, here you go. I've been in this game for years. It may be an animal. It's rules to this shit.

I wrote the manual. Step-by-step booklet for you to get your game on track, not your wig pushback. Runei Nambre Uno. Never let no one know. Do you hold because you know That tread of greed jealousy Especially if that man fucked up

Get your ass stuck up Number two Never let them know your next move Don't you know bad boys move In silence and violence Uh huh I don't squeeze mad clips at these cats For they bricks and chips

Number three Never trust you too much Too much It's a fucking shame Fucking shame For that fast fuck This is too Never get an aisle

On your own supply Number five Never sell no crack where you rest at I don't care if they want an ounce Tell them bounce number six That goddamn credit Get it It's too good

It's too good Cut this fucking really Jesus Christ I went to the party It was a source party At the car museum down On Fairfax in Wilshire I went that night

Me and a couple of my friends And we pulled up And we knew this girl, Kadata Jones, who worked for source or had something to do with the party. And she came out and she was going to bring us in. And we were walking in. And honestly, it was a fucking scary party. It was like gangbangers everywhere. And we kind of went, this isn't a party we need to go to.

And we split. And the next day we heard Biggie died. He was murdered. That's fucking crazy. Yeah. When you felt it in the air. It was a bad vibe, man. It was just a bunch of, it was just a bunch of,

of legitimately tough dudes who were looking to have a problem with somebody you know they weren't happy nobody was having fun it was a bunch of people posturing and going like I'm a murderer and I'll fuck you up don't look at me you know that's not that's not what you wanted a party I saw a healthy environment no I don't think I've even been to a party like how did you recognize it you know you you walk up to a party and there's 50 dude standing outside who are all big guys who all have very angry scowls on their face and they're looking at you like do something so I can fuck you up. That's how you know. This is not the party for me. You know, I don't know how many buildings I walked in as a young kid, stupid, naive to get drugs

with $800 in my pocket. And eight hundred was a lot of money to me at the time, but it's a lot, a lot of to somebody else sure and you're walking up two flights of steps and you know on the second floor there's somebody shooting the fucking corner they know what you're going in that building for you know and all of a sudden you hear a little fucking whistle in the air it's it's a weird you know when you're walking into a trap I haven't walked into a trap in a long time it's been 10 15 years I'm one time in the Bronx as a kid my mother gave me 20 bucks 10 bucks or something and said go around the corner and buy a toy.

I had to be five, six. And I saw six-year-olds that didn't look like me and didn't look like the six-year-olds I played with. And I knew they were going to chase me. I wasn't out the fucking toy store two minutes. And they were chasing me, though. I ran to that fucking dry cleaner.

And then you know, you know where you belong and you know where you don't belong. And it's a weird fucking feeling. Yeah. Is it surprising to you guys that it doesn't seem to happen more in Vegas? I don't really hear that often about people getting... Well, they're not going to...

Listen, Vegas police. Vegas, the casinos will try to hide that. So people go to Vegas. Right, yeah. They're not going to fucking... They're not going to... They give you the news you want to hear. There's also a lot of money in tourism

and a lot of influence to keep that as... You know, as much as they can... keep that kind of shit at bay because it would fuck with their profits. So I don't think they're going to allow that much awful shit to happen in Vegas. I mean, obviously, if we go back to the shooting at the country concert, that's pretty terrible, but that's not frequent in Vegas. Well, now they're prepared for it. Now that'll never happen again in Las Vegas.

Vegas. Nobody was ready for something like that. Right. But it's so weird how. Think of Las Vegas. That's the macro. You know how in college you have micro macroeconomics? Think of Vegas. Think of the casino.

Now, let's take it back to the micro of that, which is a bad, let's just pretend for the sake of Washington Heights in 1985 in New York. For people who know what I'm talking about, the Dominicans are taking over the fucking neighborhood from 85 to 93 or 96 and all you had to do is get off that bus

and port authority and walk down the stairs and make a left. And you could buy, $30 worth or $300,000 worth. Now, you walk out of there. Ethan is working a play in New York City. Ethan wants to get a package. A couple of other people on the play want to get a package. I'm going to go get a package.

I'm going up there with $1,200 in my pocket for the weekend, okay? So as soon as I walk on that block, Lee Syatt, you're going to see spotters on all the corners. Okay, you're going to see a guy. You're going to see two guys drinking a beer that to you and your mind, they're just two fucking street guys. They're drinking a beer over their mind and their business. They're spotters. They're watching the neighborhood.

And 100 yards down the corner is two more spotters. And 600 yard radius, they're spotters. You know why? Because the building is the investment. So what happens is Lee Syatt, who lives in 914. What the fuck is 914? Rochester County. county, that's where white kids have money.

And they come over with $1,200 every Friday. That's just you. Think of all the thousands of kids who come over that bridge every Friday to get the high premium cocaine. That's the micro-economic to the macro of Las Vegas. You're guaranteed walking, driving, getting out of your car,

telling Ethan take a ride around the corner me in five minutes. Me going upstairs, picking up an ounce, running right downstairs, getting in the car with Ethan, and I'm safe, because all those spotters are protecting that investment. Yeah.

Do they have spotters like up the road to let them know what cars are coming? Or is it just everything? Spotters are everywhere to let them know about the heat, competition, and the customers. And within that community, nobody is going to risk stealing from you because you're actually damaging the big corporation. You see what I mean? So shit will happen probably, you know, you walk around. By the way, I, I, I, I, high. ventilate walking down if you have to walk from one casino to the other because getting in a car is going to take longer so you walk and you're just

constantly in a horde of people and it's the worst possible feeling for sure dirty shit happens out there but there's also tons of cops and tons of people and they know if they if you if you get robbed walking from one casino to another you're stealing from the casino and you're going to get fucked so is that that's the micro thing or a small drug neighborhood and the macro is a neighborhood like Vegas. If kids start getting boosted going to buy drugs Right. The drug dealers

are going to get rid of those people. If right now word gets out on the street that every time I go on the MGM and I go upstairs I get robbed by my car, you're not going to gamble at the MGM no. Right. Absolutely. You know, there's people who go to Las Vegas and they go to

casinos where it's a million dollars just to get in there. You know what I'm saying? You have to have to. do a credit app and give them a million dollars just so they feel safe they feel safe if i if i was a millionaire i went to gamble in las Vegas you wouldn't see me at no low-end casino you would see me at casino with three dudes with fucking a rs at the door when i'm gambling chicks with a bikini fucking passing out cigars light them for you cop and fields they don't give a fuck about harvey Weinstein they never heard of what I want because every time you grab me a till they give you a

thousand dollar chip oh my god yeah that's what it is that's what it is that's That's what reality is. And I mean, it has, because it does ever get frustrating as, like, a criminal? Because you must see, I see people there all the time with money hanging out, they're drunk, like, it must be, it would be easy. You know what? A casino has a thousand eyes on you. Right.

Even if I pickpocket, Ethan, before I hit that door, they're going to grab me. And anything that's happening is probably happening without violence. You know what I mean? Right. Like this guy, Apollo Robbins, you heard of him? He was the top pickpocket. You know, I think now he like works for the government in designing, you know, CIA identities or something. I don't know what he does now exactly.

But he's like the top, he was the top pickpocket. He's done TED Talks. And he could, he could rob you without the cameras even seeing it. It looks like you had a friendly interaction. You have no idea what happened. And now he's got your wallet. So shit like that probably is happening, but they're not going to advertise that. Right, you just feel like you're drunk and you lost your watch or something.

Well, they're going to take care of it. It's not going to make the fucking paper. You know, things have, we read what we were. It's like right now, look, for 20 years, comedy was whatever Comedy Central gave you. All of a sudden a bunch of podcasters started getting a little fucking notoriety. Not Comedy Central's got egg on their face because they didn't show the real deal. It makes you think a lot about music. Yeah.

Do we see the real deal of music or what the label or what the Times calls for? Was there a band out there that was better than Led Zeppelin? Was there a band out there that was better than Black Sabbath? We didn't get to see them. So it's the same with news, especially now. You watch World News Tonight, which I watch every fucking night with the chick. I started watching it with Diane Sawyer. They're programmed for 48 minutes of horror.

Yeah. And then the last 12 is somebody who's making baskets in Kansas and making money and the fucking Japanese kid with one arm who plays the drums and a big band now because he can play with his mouth and stay. You know, they give you eight minutes of happiness. That's what the show is like. It compels you. Come back and we'll tell you about the passenger who saved the plane from going, you know.

Now they have this information. Could you imagine if like, let's say when the Chinese guy got beat up on United? Right? Let's say if the camera footage, before the footage would have come out. If United would call CBS, NBC, Fox, and fucking whatever. And so, look, I got $10 million for all of these to fucking pay that tape and never play it. Right. Chinese guy has a press conference, but there's no fucking tape nowhere.

You know, I would go for something like that. I believe something like that could happen. Well, that's kind of what I was just going to say. Like, they picked the news. It's selective. They pick the news. but even just what happened in Seattle where that guy stole the plane.

Even though the news, I didn't hear it on the news online, I heard him talking with the air traffic control. Oh, yeah, we got great footage of it. We had everything we would have needed from the news online. Right. That was the weirdest thing that happened Friday night

because I was doing comedy in Kansas City, which I want to thank you if you came out to the shows in Kansas City, fucking great audiences. You guys saw I took the fucking ride with you. The city was great. The barbecue was great. Everything was great.

I get back to my room Friday night, and I'm watching whatever the fuck on Netflix, and I check Twitter at like one, and some fucking people talking about this thing. And one guy says, you know, it's still too early for a comedian to make a joke about something like this. So I fucking look at the guy's page, and it says comedian, and I go back and I go, it's probably, it's never too early, first of all, if you were a comedian. And if you're thinking that way, you're not really a fucking comedian, because a comedian takes social things like that and turns it around. into what i mean there was just a bunch of

ever since maro rinalo did the thing about him having the disease you know it's like all his followers i think i follow and they were all like sympathizing really quick i'm a comedian dog whatever the fuck i'm gonna say i'm gonna fucking say it

timing is everything in comedy you know that question pops up when is it too soon it's never fucking too soon it's too soon whoever thinks whoever has the biggest dick in the room first is gonna drop that fucking bum the quickest. Some people are going to react to it.

I heard a fucking horrible, brilliant joke the other day. I had one of the most brilliant, horrible jokes I've ever heard in my life. Kevin Neeling goes, what do you guys think about the fucking Bourdain thing or some shit? He goes, when I heard

I didn't really fucking like the guy. Because I didn't like the fucking guy. I mean, the audience just froze. I froze. I would name the same thing like that. He goes, I didn't like the guy But then he goes, I started thinking about it. And I got something in common with the guy because he didn't like himself either.

Oh my God. How brilliant of a joke is that? He goes, now I can't stop watching. He goes, I wish they'd pick him up for another season. Jesus, just brilliant. Brilliant. Well, what the fuck do you want me to tell you? Right.

But we live in such a, and there was no pussies in that room that night. They took the ride with him. Well, you know, talking about the internet like this, like we have much. Guys like you are now doing this getting much more notoriety than maybe you would have when it was just Fox and CBS and Comedy Central. When the only outlet for comedy was Comedy Central, yes, it's much better now. But also, we have the situation where, you know, prior to the internet, you had one politician get up and say something slightly snarky about another politician. Then you had to wait for the next politician to get a news conference together to make a retort, which just upped it a little bit.

So it would take six months before they're actually in a big fight. And now the level of hostility in America is ramped so high. You have, you know, Republicans are all Nazis and Democrats are all communists. And you have everybody trying to shut everybody down with intense hostility. and there's this kind of like people are getting off on being outraged. And I think that's not productive. It's not. It's not productive at all.

The internet is killing us slowly. It's giving us too much information at one time. I agree. We're having too much fucking information. And just like drugs, just like alcohol, just like exercise, just like chicken cullets, you have to give it a breather from day to day. You have to really, like that's why on the weekend, I have a very low

Once Friday comes I try to stay off the internet As much as I can until Monday morning Yeah It's too much And you read a lot of shit you shouldn't And sometimes you go on a foxhole Or videos or something like that

That you shouldn't be watching It has nothing to do with your life You know you can't even On the computer I take on the road I don't have Twitter and Facebook Right I have my hot mail And I have writing apps

And I have Netflix That I do have, but I wanted to give it a break. I got an iPad, my wife got, there's no reason. Yeah. Give Facebook a fucking breather. It's too easy to get riled up, man. It's too much, and it's just, you know, Facebook and Twitter, they're great for six or seven weeks, and then you get one week where you get all hate. Yeah.

And you're like, where's this hate coming from? There's a Reddit thing and this and this and you know, you know what? It makes you want to get the fuck off there. But there's so many good people on there that follow you and that interact with you that you feel for them. But the internet has just given a voice to a lot of, it's given me a voice in a positive manner, but it's giving people a voice in a negative manner. Yeah, the ability to highlight one sentence or one action from a person's life in the past and put a microscope on that thing and to call their entire existence this action or this statement

that happened years ago, that's a weird. That's a weird dangerous thing to do. That's a very odd power to hold over somebody. You know what I mean? We're living in weird times. I'm an immigrant. And as you know, I did time. In fact, Wednesday is the 30th anniversary of me getting sentenced.

Congrats. You've never said me. You've never said me. You've never heard me say the word pig or anything negative about cops. I put myself where I put myself. I'm gonna tell you something, Ethan Supley. On that day, I did something very bad. I took somebody against their will with a machine gun

and I handcuffed them. I was running from day one. If you want me to lie to you and tell you, I was a victim and I knew about the trunk in the car. We weren't gonna kill him. We were gonna put him on a bus to Arizona. It was one guy that was doing it for a stripper, and the other guy was just doing it to get $30,000.

I just wanted to get my hand on $30,000. I thought $30,000 would bring all the happiness in the world me at that time. The boy was I fucking wrong. But let's be honest, I'm not the same person I was 30 years. That's what I mean. So what's going on now is a fucking embarrassment because I was raised in the country. I was raised to believe that you're fucking innocent to prove me fucking guilty. But if Greg Garcia says that we went to college together in Virginia and one day I put my finger up his asshole, I lose everything I have because Greg Garcia says I put my finger up his asshole in 1980. Well, guess what, Greg Garcia? I was a different person in 1980. And

fucking so were you. Maybe you wanted somebody to stick a finger in your asshole. You just remember now all of a sudden. That's what I mean. That's what I'm saying. Beyond all of that, even, we're human beings. So, you know, I'm not a Christian, but I think one of Jesus's principal teachings was that we're all flawed. You know what I mean? Every human being is flawed. So, like, as long as that's the foundation from where we start our arguments or our fights and our outrage with people is that we're all flawed. Everyone's flawed. So if somebody did something that you consider more flawed 20, 30 years ago, where's the avenue to correct that? Are we just excising it and pretending that that shit's never going to happen again?

Or are we going to talk about, like, how do we fix this problem? Do you know what I mean? I mean, I don't even know what James Gunn said. I didn't even read what he said, but I heard got fired for something he said on Twitter 10 or 15 years ago or something like that. Can't the guy just say, you know, like, I'm embarrassed by what I said. I didn't know what I was doing. I'm sorry I offended people. I'm going to work to not offend people in the future.

Like, isn't that a more sane way to deal with that? We live in strange times. Social media is everything now. You know, we learned a big lesson from the Roseanne thing, whether she did the Ambien or not or whatever. I have a problem. I have a dilemma right now. I have a dilemma that on 55, I'm a stand-up comic.

I have a podcast, and I want to do comedy. I'm not even the same person I was 10 years ago because I was on drugs 10 years ago. Today I smoke pot. Like I was telling the audience in Kansas City, I'm one of those guys that's sober, but not really. Like I smoke pot. I eat an edible if you have it.

time to times to be short with a viking and I'll fucking pop it it's not that I'm gonna eat these things all the time but uh I'm definitely not the same person I even was 11 years ago I tell Lee if we had this podcast 11 years ago this podcast would have never made it because I wouldn't have showed up at 6 in the morning right I was too paranoid to leave the fucking house at 6 in the morning so I don't like that I don't like what's going on in that realm where somebody could come up that's why when I do this podcast I I tell people everything I've done. Right.

I think that's the only way to bulletproof yourself. You know what I mean? You're a very open person. You have to. In today's world, I knew that this was going to trigger some people. So before anybody would say something, I might as well say. And it makes me vulnerable. I want you know about my life for two reasons.

I want you know about my life. And I want you to know that no matter what dilemma you get yourself out into it. you get yourself out. Yeah. I'm no fucking five beta cap. You know what I'm saying? I'm no five beta cap. I quit high school and I got left back in the seventh grade.

And somewhere or another, I figured it out. I never left. I kept getting on that fucking stage. I didn't give a fuck that I didn't go to Montreal. I didn't give a fuck what you thought. I'm telling you that I'm going to do this. And I kept doing it. I kept showing up.

That's all. Yeah. I didn't do anything else that nobody ever did. By the way, how the fuck did you get into that? No, no, no, no. No, no, nothing. You were living out here? I dropped out of school when I was 14.

I had a buddy who I knew kind of who was an actor. And I was like, you know, if you can do that and like nobody's going to give you shit about being in school because you're working. Like I might as well try and do that. And that's what I did. And I basically started working when I was 16. This whole time all these years I knew you, for some reason, I thought you had grown up in New York City like you were a piece. s 19 type of guy and then you went to Juilliard

like I always I don't know why I had put this fake biography like a like an actor cat like I wear like a fucking one of those sideways hats with a feather and shit yeah you do like a play in New York or something and somebody saw you you know it's I've had a lot of guys rap up a lot of guys

have come in and they were all from New York and for some reason but you went to whatever school out here yeah and then you got what was the first thing you booked Boy Meets World first thing I booked what year was it three wow and you didn't stop by after that no I did I did I did that for three years and and like in my off time from doing that I did a bunch of commercials and I did

the show Tales from the Crip which was fun back in the early 90s and then I did mall rats with Kevin Smith like a year into that and then I started doing movies What do you like better? Movies or TV? Now that I have kids, I like TV because it's a schedule that you have some prediction on. It's not like, I'm going away for seven months, and I'm going to do this movie in Romania, which I've done. So I think TV, and there's, you know, TV is another thing that with the, with the advent of the internet, and we have all this information, we also have so much television where I would say like a huge percentage of television is, better than a lot of the movies they're making now, which is really fascinating. And the majority

of the movies that they're making now are either, you know, there's some cool independent films and then there's like, you know, Transformer 6. That's kind of what you have in movies. And from when I was coming up in the 90s, we had this renaissance of indie film with guys like Quentin Tarantino. And I think all of that is now on television, which is great. crazy. You're saying that because television has grown leaps and bound. Yeah. Especially with streaming. You see so much crazy fucking shit on streaming now that you could see TV taking a lock in a lot. Yeah. And a lot of places. Like just regular home TV. But I also know you from Eddie's. Yeah. That's how we met originally. And I still remember

going and reading from My Name is Earl and seeing at the table read. Yeah. I'm very excited. And it's funny how you were a lot bigger then. Yeah. I mean, Yeah. Your joint started at what? At what weight did you say when damn through with this shit? Man, I got together with my wife in, you know, it was a weird thing because I had girlfriends prior to my wife. But there was always a feeling of not belonging, really, for whatever reason. And then I got together with my wife in 2001.

And, like, one of the first things she did was say, like, okay, we're together now, now you're going to get on a diet. And that was like, that changed my life. And I've basically been on a diet since then to one form or another. But it was, I was probably 500 pounds in 2001. And what are you at now? 300. Beautiful. And I've been lower than this.

A few years ago, I was obsessed with. with riding bicycles, and I got down to 220, but I actually felt too thin at 220. I went down at 268, and my head felt really big, and my neck got really skinny, and I was going on a lot of auditions. As soon as I walk in and they go, like, what the fuck happened to you? Like, you got the hip all of a sudden.

Like, what the fuck happened? You're dying. People are, yeah. Really look at you fucking weird. And there's always been that weird thing that they hire the fat guy, when you're fat, and when you lose weight, you're done. Like, that's been the big thing in Hollywood. Like, you're fucking done.

Yeah. You've maintained. Well, I've gone back and forth. It was a weird thing because when I was at 220, every day I would look at myself and see how fat I was. But I was also racing bicycles. So, like, the objective there is to be as a lightweight as possible. So I would be starving myself. I would only allow myself to eat while I'm riding the bike. I was riding eight hours a day, six days a week. like gnarly rides from studio city to oxnard and back and and and and then when i when i was like i can't maintain this because number one i'm riding so much i can't work and number two i'm like

nobody knows me i'm so thin now that people are when i go in to see them people are like who the fuck are you we didn't want to meet with you where's the guy we wanted to meet with so then when i kind of let it all go i gained weight and i was heavier than I am now. And it was a real weird thing remembering being 220 and thinking I was so grossly overweight to being 320 and feeling great about myself. You know what I mean? And like my wife just says I have body dysmorphia, which I might, but like I don't feel uncomfortable in my body today. You know? So did you feel uncomfortable at 220? 220? I felt pretty fat. Yeah. I was 9% body fat in the machine like I went and saw this guy Dr.

Hisenga because he was on the biggest loser and he was like the top sports nutrition guy and he fucking scanned me and he said you're done don't lose any weight and I was like but I'm so fat and uh yeah it was weird so when you looked in the mirror you saw a fat guy or you felt fat I probably just felt fat because I don't know that I could have seen a fat guy I don't know if that if that's totally honest. But I definitely didn't feel thin. I never got to a place in my entire life

where I was like, that's it. I don't need to lose weight anymore. What's a disease that you look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself fat, and you keep going, going, going, and then they have to take it to the hospital. Like, I assume that's what, like, anorexics experience. I think it's what you said earlier,

body dysmorphia. It's where you look at yourself, Okay, I had a friend growing up that she went from being a hot piece of ass to this fucking skeleton. Yeah. But now it works both ways because I have the reverse body dysmorphia where at 350, I'm like, going to my wife, like, I look great. I don't need to fucking diet anymore. And she's like, shut the fuck up, put down the cupcake, you're fat. It's funny when you get body dysmorphia.

I get body dysmorphia when I travel. Yeah. When you see yourself in a foreign mirror. Yeah. And you walk out of a bathroom and you're naked and go, oh, shit. I didn't see that. What the fuck? Because you see what your mind wants you to really see.

Yeah. You see what your mind really wants you to see when you're looking at a mirror. Yeah, but your mind's not always right. No, no, no, no. Don't they have skinny mirrors in hotels? Is that what it is? No. There's some hotels that you come out of the bathroom and you look at yourself and go, wow.

What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? Oh, the bad way. Yeah. Oh. You see that thing hanging over. You don't see it in your house because in your house you see what you want to see. Yeah. Gotcha. It's a weird fucking thing. What diets have you gone on? Just high protein. I have, since I was a little kid, I've done every diet that's existed. So you've had this since child? Oh, yeah. My whole life. Yeah, I've always been overweight. The way I eat. that I find the most sustainable is I just got rid of anything processed. So I only really eat fruit. No, I don't eat fruit. I only eat meat and vegetables.

That's it. And I don't even eat starchy vegetables. So I basically eat a small amount of salads and some meat. Red meat. Yeah, I eat red meat. I eat a lot of chicken. I eat red meat, turkey. I eat any kind of meat.

Fish? Yeah, I don't. love fish, but I eat fish. I mean, you look yoke now. You look like you're lifting now. That's all I do. I lift weights and I go on hikes. That's my exercise.

How many days a week are you lifting? I lift five days a week. No shit. Yeah, and I hike five days a week. When I have time, and it's not... And the lifting program is strength or muscle-based? Strength. Really?

Yeah. What kind of, like, dead lips, that type of shit? Yeah, I do Olympic lifts. And then I'll become obsessed with... one muscle that I want to increase the strength in, like my triceps. I tore my bicep two years ago doing a TV show, and so I don't ever do any bicep exercises, but I do, like today I worked on triceps a lot for some reason, and traps. I always think dudes with big traps look tough, so I want big traps.

Well, the Greek body was always an X. They devised it to be an X. So the traps should be strong. Yeah. It's really weird when you look at somebody like James Kahn, and he's got no traps. Yeah. The tricep, the weird thing about the tricep is it's got three heads to it.

So when you really break down bodybuilding to the tricep, you really have to hit the tricep from three different angles because it's really three quarters of your arm. Yeah. A lot of people work on bicep work, but they really don't know that if they do like the tricep extensions, you know, these fucking things. Yeah, dips with weight.

And then the exercise that people really overlook that really taz your fucking upper body is pullovers. Yeah. Where you're laying down like this. Pull over with a straight bar, a lot of weight, five, six to six. You do that for a year. You will get fucking yoked. Yeah. You squat a lot?

I haven't done squats in a while because I had a knee issue a few years ago, so I don't do a lot of squatting. Well, let's say after 40, you shouldn't really squat that much, but you should do the machine. Yeah. I tend to just do hikes for legs, and I find that my legs are so dead after a long hike that I feel like that takes the place of actually doing resistance work with my legs. It does. It's your own body weight. You look phenomenal, man, and I know you've been added for a while. I mean, I've been doing something for 16, 17 years now.

Yeah. And when do you go to Jiu-Jitsu now? Jiu-Jitsu is very, very rare. I haven't been to Jiu-Jitsu in a while. It's been a while. It's time you went back. Yeah. And I think go back and just tell the guy what you want to do.

You want to do a close guard game. Yeah. And I think it's good for the mental thought. I agree. I think it would be good to do Jiu-Jitsu until they put me in the casket. Yeah. Just to go in there one day a week. Get choked is very important.

Yeah. Getting choked is very important. getting know how vulnerable you are do you remember that British dude who fought in the UFC used to work out when we were trained in Hollywood um he had a Mohawk I don't remember his name Hardy maybe so yeah yeah James Hardy James Hardy right right no that's cool guys you're right right that dude choked me out once and I knew he had me in a leg in a in a in a triangle choke but I thought I could get out of it and then I woke up. It was the most bizarre. I went out so fast. There was no time to tap.

I thought I'm going to work and get out of this. And then I was waking up. It was real fucking weird. And just so we don't get a bunch of stuff, it's Dan Hardy. Dan Hardy. Yeah, good dude. Nice dude. Great guy.

Great guy. I remember going to Houston's barbecue with him a couple of times. Yeah. And Eddie and all those guys. That was a great group of guys when you guys were at the corner next to the Thai place. Yeah, that was fun. You know, Lee, I always had. Why don't you ever extend your horizons?

These are different places. I don't know one day. The audio listener should have seen a look. I remember one night. I was trying to be a nice guy and just fit in. I think I'd gotten off the blow something. And I go, let me meet these guys from the 10th Planet. And you guys used to always go next door.

They had a Thai place. To the Thai place. And I don't eat Thai food for many reasons. I figured let me go in there and give it a shot. Maybe I'm being a bit of a shot. fucking asshole and I'm not there three fucking minutes and I see a roach I saw two roaches one flew by me and one was up in the corner like what what are you just sitting in a what Lee I just want to know I just want to know inquiring my own I know you're sitting here with a girl

right and you want to you know do whatever you want to do and there's a cockroach you're eating food but there's a cockroach in that corner right like what and I'm not because they had the suspended ceiling and the roach came out of the ceiling oh What would you? Do you get up? Here's the thing. And this is what I tell my kids. I got four kids. The USDA, I guess, has an allowance for roach parts, maggots, fecal matter in every bit of food at the supermarket.

You don't go through one meal without eating part of a roach or some bug or some rat shit or something like that. And that's if they look at it. Think of the places you went to Over here on Victory and fucking Oxnide You're eating some You're eating food and you can hear You can taste the kid that's get the kid's tears Who lost his cock to spanger

You know what I'm saying? He says And it upsets me Because I used to go to get dumplings in Korea town And he said look for one straight cat I dare you to find one straight cat Nothing dogs parakeets There ain't an animal that's

You know I don't It's so weird Every time I got to tell you this This is the truth Today I went to strength train And I had to do something at 12 And I didn't have time So I went and I got chicken and broccoli

That's as harmless I could get it At the Thai place? No, I don't not step to the Thai place I can't fuck with chicken and broccoli Because it's got sugar in it At the Thai place This I tell them At the Chinese place

I don't take the sugar out And just the white wine or whatever And I got a taste And this is a great place They have a couple of dishes To a sensation I tell you something Whenever I'm eating chicken in a Chinese restaurant,

I know I'm getting something else. Something else is in there. Parakeet, pigeon, there's something else in there. Like, they give you some chicken. But those pieces of meat that you really can't really recognize. It's a little darker than usual. They just throw a couple things in there. If I actually ever found out that I ate something like that,

that's when I lose 100 pounds because I just wouldn't eat. I can't, I have to put that out of my mind. No, you have to assume that. Yeah, it's a great thing you said. I love food so much. I want to eat pigeons. I want to eat parakeets. I want to eat all of it.

You're opening my horizons. My food's so limited. You tell me there's a place serving great parrot. I'm in. Oh, my God. There's all these places. When I was a kid, there was a place called the Mai Chi. We used to go to the Mai Chi.

I had a fucking tremendous buffet, Chinese buffet. Yeah. And it was a stab in the middle. Behind the Mai Chi was a cemetery. A fucking cemetery behind the Mai Chi. We were going to Mai Chi. That was where I saw. So I used to have a buddy Roger that used to,

we'd catch him at the Mike Eye before Giant Games. He'd be getting fucking tuned up. And he owned the bartender. I figured what the bartender's name was. It doesn't matter. But when we walk in and sit down and have a drink. And he'd get, this is how tuned up he had the bartender. He'd go to jail for doing this.

He called the bartender and go, bend over. And the bartender goes to this and he goes, ha! And he just karate chop in the neck. You go to fucking jail for that thing. Yeah. They just throw you out for fucking. racism. He would just give the guy like a 10. Here you go, come on. Show him the neck.

And he just got out, he chopped the guy. And the guy would take in the neck. I remember one time they had spare ribs. I know. All you could eat fucking buffet, that were delicious. They were big sparrants, but they cut them in half. Yeah. So you could eat. Me and my buddy went in there one time. Pick up the fucking one side. As we

were walking with the tray, the Chinese guy came out, stop, stop. We dined and dashed in there 80 times growing up. I can't tell you the amount of damage. How many times I went to my mother to the mickeye dog. One day they went in there and they found that the meat was all cats. They found the cats hanging up upside down. And the grass they were putting in the fucking food was the grass in the cemetery. Like these people were just fucking torturing people.

Thank God I was 12 and 15 when I went in there. Your stomach is like a billy goat. Like you don't even know what the fuck you're eating. But I'm sure I ate animals and alligator meat and shit. Now, all those years, you were with Jiu-Jitsu, whatever, you made a great point before. You were fucking, you hit it right in the spot. You know, I enjoyed Jiu-Jitsu and everything,

but it's also 2018, you know. And I always go back to that scene in Indiana Jones, where either the guy has the sword or the new chucks or whatever, and he comes out and he does all this thing. In Indiana Jones, without fucking even looking, and takes his gun out and shoots the guy and puts the gun back in this holster and walks away and whatever. There's a scene in that. I think jujitsu is amazing exercise and amazing techniques for specific situations.

If I'm walking back to my car, I'm just going to avoid people. And if somebody gets close to me, I don't want to roll around on the ground with him if I don't know who's around me. I mean, we talked about this, you and I, about social anxiety, constantly thinking about who's around me. And how are you going to guarantee if somebody blindsides you that he doesn't have three friends there? So you take him down into guard. One of their friends could tee off on your head or maybe he's got a knife. Those are a lot of variables. For MMA, it's amazing.

If you're walking around in your life on a mat and you know that dude doesn't have fucking, you know, Mercer or some other skin disease and you're comfortable rolling around with him and you want to challenge each other, that's great. But I don't know about it in the day and age where everybody's got guns and knives and friends waiting around the corner. And I don't go out to situations very often where I'm around many people because I don't like those situations. So I'm just never going to get into a fist fight like that where I would need it. Do you know what I mean? I understand. Hold that thought.

We'll put on Tony Bennett. I'm over 50, so I got a pee every 45. Let me go take a quick pee and we'll continue on that thought. To pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart, some somebody twice as smart as I. A somebody who will sweat. to be true as you used

to do with me to learn that misery loves company wait and see see how he does it when he breaks your heart two bits

if a puzzle fits so fine that's When I'll discover that revenge is sweet. I was thinking about something yesterday. I got home at 8.30 in the morning. And there was a seminar for Jitza at 12, a side control seminar.

And there was also Alberto Crane at 12. And I had a couple options, but I only slept three hours a night before. I slept until about 1.30. And my wife came home, we ate lunch, and she goes, the baby got invited to a swim thing. Do you mind if we go? And I go, no, no, no, no. You know, I can do a thousand things.

So I went over to crowd therapy. And I went over to the weed store, and I filled up the car for the week, and I made notes. And I was still bored. And I said, you know, it's 4 o'clock. Then I'm not going to be home until 5-30. I put boxing gloves on. And I got a boxing bag in my backyard. And I went out there and I started hitting it.

And I started doing push-ups and sit-ups. I got a kettlebell. And I did a couple swings. Then I started stretching, and I'd get up and do Muay Thai drills and stuff. And as I was putting everything away, I was like, you know what, man, that was 35 minutes. I put it down on weight watches and my t-shirt was really wet. And I'm like, how lucky am I? I'm 55 and I'm able to move around, what I know now.

Like, it's helpful for me for comedy to move around. I walked into a jihitsu student. Listen, when I met you with Eddie and said, I love Eddie, but I always thought Jiu-Jitsu were for people who had the desire to stick up my ass. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I'm not going to lie to you. I don't know what that means if somebody gets insulted. I always thought that if you wanted to roll it,

roll around with a guy. It's like somebody coming up to me and telling me they got a man crush. What's the next? You want to suck my dick? You know what I'm saying? But I walked into a jiu-jitsu studio when I was 49 years old, and I fell in love. And what really made me fall in love with it was how bad a shape I was in

and how ill-prepared I was in case something did go down. Yeah. I don't want to be a UFC fighter. I do not want to be a tough guy. I do not want to be a bully. I don't want to be none of those things. But I always want to at least last two minutes. Sure.

If you're kicking me and I can at least get the underhook and grab your belt and spin you over, Jiu-Jitsu paid off to me. 100%. I'm not knocking you. No, no. If I could kick a motherfucker really hard in the leg, which I can't, it's 300 pounds coming at you.

I've been kicking since I was fucking five. Yeah. All I got are too good. kicks but if I connect with those two kicks and I can get to my car I'm good yeah at this age at this age when you have to take care of yourself at this age you know when you're gonna hit 15 a few years and everything changes everything changes you know that's why I read up about Jiu-jitsu over 40 and I was doing it all wrong like Mondays you just have to be drilling and you roll once or twice

and you leave Wednesday you come back you drill but you roll three times then And Friday, you drill less and roll, and then you take two days off. That's over 40 Jiu-Jitsu. Yeah. And with people that are not going to get you in heel hooks and knee locks and all that shit, because you don't need that. You cannot be unemployed. No, yeah.

You cannot be unemployed. Yeah. So there's all these things, these aspects, but I'm happy that I'm prepared now. What are you prepared for, Joey, to beat me up? I didn't say that. No. I'm prepared to just get to my car before the cops get there or before something. worse could happen before it escalates even worse i also believe in the power of the gun i also believe

i just have the felonies and i'll never get a license but from time to time a friend takes me to shoot now and you know i'm i've been working back when i was a kid i want to be a hitman yeah you talk you spoke about two things today i want to be a hit man but the most thing i want to be was a pickpocket yeah uh there was a movie uh michael saris and james cobbenden called harry in your pocket yeah It's about hitting pickpockets at the track or the airport or something, you know. So when you mention that guy's name before, this is what really, he's amazing that guy. So what's his name? Apollo Robbins.

Apollo, and you just watch his, he's got a TED talk. And on his fucking TED talk, he's on camera the whole time because it's Ted, and so they're filming him. He pulls off some crazy shit, which I then, I watched his TED Talk 5. times because he's just misdirecting you the whole time while the cameras are on him and shit's happening that you're not noticing and then at the end he points it all out and you're like holy fuck that guy that guy being a pickpocket loose in Las Vegas he's robbing everyone he's robbing everyone blind and then he's having to put on disguises because eventually the casino figures out oh that interaction that that's when that guy got robbed because people go and complain eventually

when they get robbed. And I believe, eventually, the casinos hired him to say, what do we look for? Help us find the pickpockets. He's amazing guy. It's nuts that a couple weeks ago, I was looking for my name is Rowe. And I asked, Lee, is it still on Netflix? And he goes, no, it's on Hulu. And I watched a few episodes.

And you did something. And I laughed. You and your fucking crazy brother. and then two days later here you are on Blow they've been playing on HBO lately or something and it's the part where you

Tuna runs into the fucking thing and I go look how big he is and that was right right before I turned my life around too that would be 98, 99 or something like that I mean you were up there and then I went online

and you're talking about being at your sister-in-law's concert and you had your back against the wall and on all. And I thought you were goofing at first. No. I thought you were goofing around at first, and I hit you back up, and I go, do you suffer from that social shit too?

And you're like, yeah, I'm looking at the doors and my back's against the wall. What's going on, and how long have you had it? You know, I think that has been a really helpful way to deal with it. If I'm at a concert or something like that, which I would just rather not be at, honestly, but I got kids and a wife and people who like being out in public, then I can just

put all of my attention on, okay, if something happens here, how do we get out? If I look around, do I see any obvious threats? Do I see any unobvious threats? Like, what's going on? And as long as I keep myself busy with that, I'm not, I'm okay. I'm kind of fine, you know, as long as I have that thing to do. But just being comfortable with myself in the presence of a lot of people, I'm just not comfortable. Since when? For my whole life. I've never been comfortable. You know, I used to like to go to punk rock concerts a lot. And there was something about the energy and the acceptance at a punk rock concert because there was no, there was no single group. There was, you know, Like you go to a hip hop concert and maybe you're wearing the wrong colors and then it's an issue and you've got a problem.

That didn't exist from what I experienced in punk rock in the 80s and early 90s. You just go and you have fun and you wind up a little bit bruised but exhilarated. And that was the closest I got to being comfortable in a crowd. But there was some violence there. You know what I mean? like there was some overt violence happening and that was the only way that I really felt comfortable which is kind of depressing I guess if you think about a couple people got smacked so you felt right at home maybe maybe they got smacked maybe I got smacked you know I was just more comfortable with that

with knowing exactly what's going to happen and and what it's going to be like and and going in and enjoying it. I haven't really enjoyed a concert since I was a teenager. They just make me terribly uncomfortable being around all those people. What about after the situations in Vegas and Orlando, Florida? Does that add to your fuel? Honestly, no, that doesn't bother me. I'm not worried about, I'm not worried about getting shot. I'm more, I'm more just uncomfortable being surrounded by people than I am. It's not that I'm skis. scared of getting shot. I've been to Vegas since then.

I've been to Florida. I don't know. That doesn't really worry me too much. No. How are you in front of a camera? A camera is I'm pretty comfortable in front of a camera. When there's 40 people on a set. Well, I'll tell you what.

If we do a table reading, we sit down and we're just reading in front of the crew, I'm terrifically uncomfortable. But once we're doing it and the cameras there, those people don't exist. It's just what we're, it's just this universe that we're pretending into existence. You know what I mean? So it doesn't bother me.

I was having a hard time with stand up at the store, especially anxiety. Yeah, being in front of a crowd like that. That I can't do. Especially, and I couldn't figure out what. I couldn't figure out What the fuck was going on? Why would, I've been going to this place. I went in there to showcase for Mitchie Shore.

I'm already out of the weeds. Why am I going in here 20 years after stand-up comedy that I've been doing it? This is my home. And why is it? That's when I walk up five steps. This whole feeling comes over my head. So I did what everybody else in America does. I went and got Xanax's and I would take one.

As soon as I hit the comedy store, my heart starts to pump. and I would take one or two and as soon as I look for a safe passage once I don't see a safe passage that's when I panic right now that window has those little blinds on it that are fucked up that's safe passage for sure I know that that's safe passage like when I go give blood

down at Bob Hope Medical Center I don't let them take blood out of the room with no windows yeah because there's no safe passage for me I've been doing comedy on my life why does this hit me now Yeah. Where is this coming from now? And for you to type that that night, I was like, this guy does fucking, he's

you know, you're on the set with Johnny Deppin and 40 fucking people. Yeah. Now you want to get this social anxiety now, but you've always had it. Yeah, I've never felt comfortable around a lot of people like that. I've always, that safe passage I've found, it's exactly the same. I have to have, I'm, I will literally stand in a corner until I can figure out, but it's got, for me it's slightly more literal because I want to find an exit how if I have to get out of here how am I going to do that and I'm not worried about being shot what if the building catches fire

what you know I don't know I could it's all fantasy is constantly going in my head I just want to know how I can get the fuck out of there if I have to now when you went to jihitsu the first time and somebody mounted you how did you feel that's not a good feeling oh my god that is not a good feeling especially when you have that little thing sure I made mistakes in the beginning of jih Tijuana and I'm like I'll take a edible and go to jiu jitsu oh my god no good huh the first time somebody mounts you and you go to hip escape and hip mum them they don't go nowhere I'd have to tap and I'd run outside I'd take my githop off and I'd have to pee yeah like that's how much fear I would put myself through

the first month and a half of Jiu-Jitsu. If I don't go to Jitsu for three or four days now, when I go back, I still have fear walking. That's why when I go into Jiu-Tzsche, the first time I do is put my gear on and roll around with somebody. Roll around, get beat up, breathe heavy. Just to, yeah, as a warm-up.

Just to, it's a warm-up of my fear. Sure. It's a warm-up of my fear. When I go to a comedy club now, I don't bring the Xanax with me no more. A little baby, whatever the fun. 1.5s they give you I forced myself to talk to people this is how I got out of fear yeah I forced myself to talk to people and I find something to fucking

aggravate the fuck out of me yeah for me to get that little spark of anger going well I think that's very smart because very smart yeah anything that can irritate you I I've honestly found Joey through through however many years I've been dieting and I've been sober for a long time which I would rather not be honestly if I'm being like completely honest I would but I need to be you understand but I've found that everything worthwhile is painful and if you get into that and you somehow find a way to enjoy that pain and that suffering then you're just better off you you earn the outcome you know you go into a comedy store and you find something to irritate you who wants to go around being irritated nobody

wants that's not just two minutes before I go on stage of course Two minutes before I go on stage. I have to find something from my past. That fucking guy's got sandals on that motherfucker. The other day some guy walked past me, I was pissed because he had body odor. And I'm like, that's a homiceter. Just to myself, I called him a homiceter. And I giggled.

And there you go. Boom, I won the war. I just beat the war on myself. Just cracking that fucking joke. I even called Lee and said something about the hummesee. We were howled. He goes, well, people are going to look at it like you're being. and race I was a white dude. I thought he was a fucking hummusy that could smell the hummus on his neck.

Kind of like when he has hummus, the flies chase him in here all the time because they fucking do your neck. But last night I was blown away. I was blown away last night because it was as the girls were walking in, I was scrolling. I always go to see what's on 60 minutes. And then I scrolled down and it was the autopsy. Have you ever watched it at all? It's called Autopsy, the final hours of. I saw Amy Winehouse. I saw Whitney Houston really died. She didn't die of cocaine overdose. She died because her body was numb.

And when she got into a hot tub, the tub cooked her. Oh, really? Yeah, like the hot water just basically cooked her. Right. But she couldn't feel it. You know, you really learned about George Michael. But last night, they had Chris Cornell. And I just had a while.

Like, a couple weeks ago they had the last days of James Gambafini. Right. You know you got to watch that one. You know what have he do, see what I'm saying? But this one was very interesting. First of all, it said that he found the box of beetle albums. Let me tell you something. You're too young.

I think you guys are too young. Does anybody remember beetle people? No. Like people who really are into the Beatles. I mean, I know people who are really into the movie. Like I told the story on here, before John Lennon got shot, it was a different country. Music couldn't, you can, Bruce Springsteen, born or run, that's a great album. Yeah, wait till the Beatles get back together.

You know, everything was that. Right. There was always one motherfucker in the room that always had to go, yeah, that's good, but wait to the Beatles get back together. And you would have to sit there and take it because there were the kings at that time. Sure. When John Lennon got shot, 20 people were fucking hysterical. Like, fuck you and the Beatles because there was all these beetle fans that weren't crazy.

Right. You know, nobody remembers really when John Lennon. I love John Lennon. I ain't saying nothing better about John Lennon, but when he got shot, There was a lot of things in New York. And I remember going to New York and seeing these people fucking crying. And I couldn't understand. Like, I like John Leonard.

I like fucking that one solo album. All that shit. But Jesus, these people fucking, like, upset, you know. So now I could understand the Chris Cornell thing because I got upset when Chris did that. I got a little upset. So I watched this thing last night and they showed how he was a big beetle guy. And his parents were Alkees, and he was obsessive to Beatles. And he just, when he was 13, 14, he was already doing fucking drugs.

Right. And when you do PCP, he was doing what I was doing. PCP and fucking angel dust and smoking weed and tripping. He was a big tripper. And at that age, when your mental state, when your mind is not even developed, our minds weren't even developed. Yeah. Dangerous.

That's not, well, you know. That's not whino. So your receptors freeze and all this shit. They're explaining all this stuff about what's serotonin and this and that. How once you do all this stuff, you know, at the time of Chris Cornell's death, he was completely sober. Right. There was no pills found in them. Wasn't he taking Xanax?

No. There was nothing in there. There was nothing. No alcohol. No nothing in his autopsy. Right. They were saying that he was slurring up on stage and stuff like that. and they just said that

it's like Bordane his suicide really bothered me because we're from the same neighborhood that's a Catholic fucking neighborhood gee they don't believe in taking swan dives so for him to take a swan dive so I started to narrowing down

what we had in common which is drug use prior young drug use so for a guy like me it scares the shit out of me you know my wife goes to bed at 9 I said in one room by myself by 11 o'clock I got to

a noose, you know what I'm saying? But they were talking about Cornell's mind. All those years, he wrote Pretty News and fell on Black Day, he's talking about his depression. So they just said that his depression got the better half of him that night. That's why he killed himself. Well, I'm petrified now.

Now with all these, I get those, you know, I saw a lot of death as a kid. That's a little PTSD-ish, you know? Yeah. And the drug use, you know, that was eminent. That was an, and I was telling Lee, When I was 16 or 17, I went in a year one time where I did acid every other day, every day. I was selling microdap.

I was selling it. So my tolerance was built from when people were taking one hit of acid, I was taking four. Yeah. You familiar at all with any of the tenants of AA? You know, you're familiar with AA at all? Yes, absolutely. Like one of their principles is take it a day at a time. Absolutely.

For me, quite a lot of it. often, I have to, I have to contract that to just getting through a moment, you know? And, and, and if I can decide to get through a moment, I know that there will be a moment where I'm no longer in whatever state of suffering that I'm in, whether it's an urge to do something I know logically to be the wrong thing to do, like drugs or alcohol, whether it's, um, just, being overly emotional about something wanting to make any decision based on an emotion I just get if you just get through the painful moment you know shit will open up you know what I mean I was telling Lee a couple to you know Mitchie sure died and uh we took out of Bulls dead now we had a

podcast on Sunday night and that was the night of her wake down at the store and I got so much anxiety about thinking of going to that wake and seeing all those people. I just shit the bet. I just decided not to go. But it wasn't until I went home. And I was going through this fucking mental state. Like just this confusion, you know, she did so much for me. How would it look if I didn't go down there?

But I knew if I went down there, a guy was going to go down there and I would pick a fight with him. He's going to pick a fight with me. Something's going to happen. I was shooting that Netflix thing. So I said, let me avoid this whole situation. But that night, I did that whole situation drug-free. Like, beside the edible, like, I didn't do anything else that night. I, you, at what I'm saying is at that situation,

when I usually have those little, my heart speeds up, I would usually take two of those little fucking babies annexes and smoke a bunch of pot. That night, I let myself work it out. You know, I even found myself sweating at one point, letting my mind work it out, you know. Like you said before, pro If you're a Christian, you know, we're not all perfect.

We all have flaws, you know. Yeah. And I know that I got something mentally that's not right. I mean, if not, I would have become a doctrine instead of a stand-up comic. Sure. The chemical balance is not right when you become a fucking stand-up comic. Something's not right. But I respect it.

It's like cocaine now. It's like when you go to rehab and you come out and you say to yourself, I understand what cocaine is. Once you understand it, you know what it is. I know what cocaine is. I know what heroin is. I know what oxycott is. I know I could smoke 55 joints

and live my life. Right. You know? So for me, I've considered going clean, but I wouldn't make it. I'm not insisting you go clean. No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, yeah. No, no. It's, the weed makes me feel like I'm doing something. I'm not supposed to be doing. So I'm okay with that. Right. It's not robbing banks.

It's not breaking. into people's houses and I had people over the head with a flashlight. It just makes me feel like I'm still sure that little criminal I was. Yeah. Just a weed. I have nicotine and caffeine for that very reason because I need to have some vice. There has to be some vice. Absolutely.

So what you do is you pick the worst one for you. You know, Lee got on Twitch and you got to play games and stuff like that. Yeah, I started this week. And Lee was asking me to do you ever play games? And I go, yes and not. No. No, when I was a kid because I didn't have, I didn't like Monopoly. But after hearing Rogan one day, Rogan was hooked. Rogan was fucking addicted to quake.

It's like 20 hours a night of quake. He would go home just to play quake in those days. Like, see you and go see you? And I would, you know, call him for days. And what happened, dog? I went into a foxhole. And this one, he wasn't getting high at all, nothing. So it was like, your whole life is basically a transfer of addiction.

Yeah. If you have an addictive personality, it's just a transfer of addictive. And you end up in the one that causes the least for you. If you're on a healthy path. Right. If you're not on a healthy path, you wind up dead. Listen, if you came to me and you don't listen to me, I don't want to do coke in a while. I want to smoke crack.

I don't want to suck fucking midget dick. But I tell you what I want to do. I want to eat cheeseburg. I want to eat two cheeseburgers a day. And in the middle of, I'll have a fucking slim fast shake for lunch. I don't know. It sounds like a decent. Damn!

Yeah. That's what I want you. I just want you to be happy. Yeah. Happiness is the whole key to this. You know, there's people that take sobriety and they turn it into being unhappy. If that's the case, then find the happy medium. Yeah, yeah.

Listen, 94, I got out of prison in 90-something and 95, I got this opportunity to become a comic. And before anything, I did a mental inventory. In those days, I used to do the A-blink and close. You know, you take a sheet of, paper and put a line down the middle and put the positive effect and the negative effect. Yeah. And start writing. Let's be honest here. But you got to be totally honest to do this shit. What is the effects? And I came up with something. I said, you know what? I'm not

going to stop someone cold. This bullshit life that I'm living, going to an night meeting, and then staying sober for three days and for one day walking around confused. I'm an addict. Nothing I can do. But I'll tell you what I can do. I get on stage every night. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to get on stage every night. I'm not not to do cocaine until I get outstage. Right. And that, oh, and listen, it fucking worked. We're here today. Are we not? We're here today.

You have to have to have your barriers. So you have to do what works for you. Eventually, then I saw the movie Ray, and then said that he did heroin until 63, and here I am 44, and I'm like, is that what I want? I want to blow my, I want to get successful to continue doing cocaine so I could quit when I'm 63. That's not life. Right.

Because when you're addicted to something like that, as you know, it's a prison. Yeah. It's a prison. It's a mental prison. You know that. Sure. So that's why I'm happy that I'm fucking sober, you're sober. We deal with these social issues.

Yeah. But we keep them, like, I hate going to fucking Hollywood things. Yeah, I can't. I basically borderline can't do it. That's it. That's it. Yeah, I'm done. Like, I went to one because I had done three episodes.

They were very nice. I said, let me go. I took my wife. It was a date night. You know, when you have a five-year-old, you got to give your wife a stab and get her out of the house. If not, they just become a fucking mom, and they go into fucking mommy,

fucking talk all the time, you know? Yeah. So I try to take her out as much as I can, and we went, and I had, again, my back was against a wall, looking for an exit strategy. I couldn't hear what people were saying to me. I also just feel so,

a place in Hollywood things like I have no business. No business being there. No business being there. No business being there. Yeah. The Hollywood things are particularly rough, I think. They're rough. You have to be, and like you would go to a Hollywood thing and you did eight episodes of the show. You're obviously part of the cast. But then you see me there and you go, hey, Joey, how are you? Good to see you. And you look at me and go, I did eight episodes of 12. Did you do some of the episode? I'm like, no. I'm just here to say hello. You're like, what are you doing here

I worked on the show by the way I could never have that point of view because I'm always wondering what the fuck I'm doing I'm doing that yeah I'm I'm not sure why am I here I did the show right and I still don't know why I'm here and I don't know why I'm here I can't imagine

why the fuck you're here yeah Ethan it's been a pleasure man always good to talk to me it's been a fucking pleasure what are you working on now I have a show on Hulu that is done. We did 20 episodes. It's called Chance. And we're finished with it, but I'm particularly proud of it. I thought it was really good. A couple, couple slow episodes in the beginning, but it's just taking its time and then it warms up.

Really fun. Right now I'm doing a show called the Santa Clarita Diet for Netflix. I'm doing this season. You're a bad motherfucker. How many years so far and say? Fuck. 24. Can you believe that? 25? 25 maybe. I'm not even totally sure.

I think I'm 20 this year. Yeah. Do we get our pensions, yeah? Yeah, 55. 55? 55. I get my pension. I can go for an early pension right now if I want to leave it there.

I don't want it. No, I don't want my discount from Denny's either. I'm still slinging dick at 55. Who gives a shit? Joey, I got four kids to put through college. I'm going to be working until I'm 90. Good. Yeah.

Because when you fucking stop using it, you'll, loses anyway. That's right. At least you're looking forward to you. You look great. You too, man. It was great to see you. I'm happy. You came on the church and thank you, brother. Any time you want to promote anything, any time you want to just talk, anytime you want to get out of the house. You know, you're

welcome here. Your fucking family. It's great to see you. Don't forget next Thursday. I'm at Elevity Live in Huntsville, Alabama, and then Friday and Saturday. I'm at Nashville Zanis, two shows on Friday, two shows on Saturday. Tickets are on sale right now. And

That's basically it. I'll see you motherfuckers Thursday morning. Don't forget. Always, my motherfucking heart on it for all your supplements, whether it's alpha brain, shroom tech, shroom tech, sport, shroom tech immune, new mood, you know, the elk jerky. Listen, I love those guys. Number two, go to honor.com right now and press in.

Church? I get 10% off delivered right to your fucking crib. You don't have to leave the goddamn house. And like I said before, if you're thinking I get into Jitsu or you're in Jiu Jitsu, you want a tough, dependable ghee that they can. can hang off you, whatever, Fuji Sports, whether it's a $96 all season, light one, because they're

lightweight. It's not like you have a fucking some guy hanging on you. You know what I'm saying? These are lightweight. It's like having a t-shirt on you. The elemental gear is tremendous, the Superito's tremendous, the psycho. Point two. Go to Fujisports.com and press in. Church. Bam! And then they're right there,

motherfuckers. I love you. I love Ethan. I love the fucking Christkiller, and I love me too. But most importantly, I love you, motherfuckers. See you Thursday, morning tip-top magoo ready to fucking stab a motherfucker in the neck kick that mulee there you go motherfuckers have a great day in the church of what's happening now mother tell your children not to walk my way tell your children not to hear my words what they mean what they say mother turn your keep in the