The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #613 - Sean Carrigan

Episode Date: August 29, 2018

Sean Carrigan, comedian, former professional boxer, and actor seen  on television shows and in movies, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.  This podcast is brought to you by: MyBookie.com -  Use code promo Church to get up to a 100% match on your first deposit up to $1,000.   FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.     Recorded live on 08/28/2018.
  

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help out the church cut it out cock suckers go to fugeysports.com pressing church and get your party started kick this fucking mulee oh shit Turn it up, wait. Oh shit. It's one of those weeks here on the church, man. Fucking, ever since I saw that documentary on Showtime,

I'm going to stab a motherfucker now. Wednesday. Keep fucking turning, motherfucker. Get me home smoking. And songs about the South Lake. Churchill, what's happening now? Sean Kerrigan. What's going on, man?

The Christ killer. Uncle Joey Diaz. What's the young sing about her? Fucking tremendous. God damn, man. I would kill to be able to sing like that. You know what I mean? God damn.

Like I said, as actors, comics, we all have like a secret thing. And that's what I wanted to be a museum. But I was snorting coke. I'm a musician. I would have sold the guitar every two weeks. I would have to buy a new ukulele. I would have to show up with a gig with a banjo one week.

What's the guitar Joe? You're not going to believe it. You got robbed. You didn't get robbed your pawned for a gram cuck sucker. Sean Kerrigan. What's that? A pleasure to have you on the podcast. Hey man, it's an honor to be on your podcast, man.

No, it's great to have you on you. You did something for me that I never told you. I'm going to tell you today what you did for me. Yeah? That changed the game for me. What? Come on, man. Okay, so I booked this movie named Grudge Match with a director who I had worked with before,

and De Niro and fucking Stallone and L.L. Kool-J and this guy, John Bernan. It was just a great cast, a lady, Kim Bastinger. and I get flown down to New Orleans and I go in there a day early and I go, are they shooting today? And they go, yeah, they're shooting and I go over and I watch the L.L.O. Coojay scenes with De Niro. And it's a big hug at first.

Everybody's clapping hands. And they do a couple of rehearsals and everything is beautiful. I'm sitting there for now. So you're just on the outside. You're just sitting there? No one's talking to you. Not a word.

Nobody's even saying boo to me. Nobody's talking to me. And I watch the takes start to happen and L.L. Kuljee goes into a scene and he's fucking cut. And then there's another scene, let's do it again, and L.L. Kuljian, cut. And I go, what the fuck is wrong with L.L. Kuljay? You know, well, it's the same thing happens.

So I had to shoot a scene the next day, one tiny scene. Like, I was like scene number five, and the shooting started at eight. So I went down there about 12, 8, and sat around, and I watched. I didn't say a word. Nobody talked to me. and up to the part they were setting up

for that scene and I'm shit in peckles yeah yeah yeah you're about to act with De Niro yeah no warm up with fucking

an extra no warm up with anybody no warm up with nobody I really rather warmed up with anybody but fucking they throw you into the cage with the Niro no that's it man

you can step out yeah yeah yeah yeah still anybody but and no one yeah no one was like hey

yeah Like, talk to you, nobody. So, De Niro comes over on his own, and he goes, you, whatever my character's name. And I go, yeah, and I get up. And I shake his hand. He goes, very nice to meet you. Do you want to rehearse a couple times? I go, sure, absolutely.

You know, he goes, let me just take care of this, and I'll come back. And in that fucking minute, I sit down and I'm like, I got about five minutes if I could get up, just walk the fuck out of you. You know what I am? That's it. Everything comes to your mind. mind negative like the reasons why you're not supposed to be here they miscast you that they're looking for a black guy this is just wrong you know and all of a sudden they got to tap on the show

and it's your buddy john john burnthall and he goes how you doing john shakes my hand he goes i'm friends with john carrigan and he said that uh you're the real deal like on stage you're the real fucking deal da da da da da and you know what man he was like an angel Like, I looked at him and I knew I didn't know who the fuck he was. I just knew that I had seen him before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, for him just to say that now, it gave me, when De Niro came back, it gave me a little fucking oomph, like, yeah, okay, now I could deal with this.

I still fucked up because once that scene happened, I realized what was happening to Al-Coujee. Yeah. When they say action, and De Niro comes up on you. Yeah, true. You see Goodfellas, you see taxi driver. you see, I mean, the first two takes, you just see all these movies he did and you're just like, your whole body free

you're like, I'm about to do a same with the priest. Remember when he played a priest with fucking Sean Penn with one of the worst movies of all time? 84, 84, 85. What was that called, man? What was that terrible movie called? Just a horrible movie. But he still did, you know, he still had.

So what you did for me, I remember coming back and bumping into you and the ha-ha, you know, but I never told you. that that that was well hey man you know dude Joey it's because it's true man you know I didn't say anything that wasn't true you know John John when I remember when when he called me he was like hey man he's like there's a there's a comedian you know a comedian you know he's always like checking up on people man he's like you know John's where those people like just figure out someone's like for real or whatever you know what I mean and just like if they're cool and he goes he called me I'm saying hey man

this guy Joey Diaz he's a comedian you know him I was like hell yeah I know him dude I said that dude I just bragged about you

I was like he's hilarious he's hilarious he's a great dude because you were always really cool whenever I saw you you know and so I just said I was like yeah man

that guy's the best man and uh yeah he came right over and the next day I spent the whole day with him and De Niro just sitting on a bench well you know how that goes I'm like I got this fucking

guy behind me. And I got De Niro and L.L.L. Kudjay in front of me. This can't be real. Like, this is like a fucking joke. What was more nerve-wracking for you? That or stand-up comedy in front of thousands? Like, what's scarier? Stand-up comedy still scares me when I go up in front of eight people or whether I go in front of 300 and the church people. I still get petrified. The fear with De Niro and doing a scene with somebody out of your room.

Like, I did a scene with James Cobra. What was that like, man? Just, what do you think it's going to be like? Yeah. But I wasn't as nervous as I was. De Niro fucked me up. James Coburn

fucked me up on the first take again, but I didn't know what had fucked me up. When I did the take with De Niro, I knew what it was. it fucked me up was just too many visuals. I saw Cape Fear. Anything De Niro did, popped up, and I just froze. And then he came over.

It was just loosened up. And let me tell you, man, I saw the movie. You know, I'm upset that that movie didn't do better than it did. You know, and it's almost, it's weird. It's like, I don't know if they, like, promoted it right or marketed it right, you know, because I thought that movie was a fantastic movie. Here's the, here's the thought it was great. And you were funny, man.

I was lucky. I left that. They kept me and put me in the trailer and shit. But what fucks up about a movie like that is you expected the expectations. But here's the other expectation that I keep forgetting. The Raging Bulls are a great movie. It's an Academy Award winner. But I don't know if you got the memo.

It was 33 years ago. Rocky Academy Award winner. Fucking one of the greatest stories of all times. I know, man. I get it, dude. That's 24 and 17. That's 34 and 7. That's 41 fucking years ago.

You know, this year, this last month was the anniversary of Enter the Dragon. 45 years ago. Lee people, and I don't blame the youth. It's not their fault. Yeah, but see, that's the thing, man. They should have advertised it like that. They should have advertised it like, look at these, like, fossils, like, are going to, like, they're going to go at it and, you know what I mean?

They should advertise it like, because I thought it was funny. I thought it was funny. If you, you're an actor, you're an actor. Yeah. When you were a kid, did you want to be an actor? Yeah. Really?

Yeah, man. You felt it's an early age. For a very early age, man. When did you grow up? I grew up, I grew up in Miami, Florida. And, um, but my- grammar school? Yeah, yeah, all the way up, all the way up through high school.

How is that? It was, it was weird, man. because I lived down there with my mom and and I was little like I hit puberty real late where was that if you don't mind me he was up in DC Northern Virginia I got like a really I got like kind of a dysfunctional family man

but they're but they're cool man and they're all cool mom Irish also yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Irish yeah so Irish Catholic yeah man so I was I was living down in Miami and and and you know I was I was little, and so I just said, you know, when I was a teenager, just said, hey, man, you know, I think I'm just going to start wrestling and boxing. And so I started wrestling in high school, and then I started boxing. I would go up, and my dad was an ex-pro boxer. And so he would train

fighters and stuff. So when I spent my summers up there, I was always around boxing gyms and everything. And so I was always like, you know, wanted to to box. And then I just started competing at both of them. And then, you know, I did pretty well. Went to State Championships. And then I went and I wrestled in college. And I wrested at George Mason University. And then I had a bunch more amateur fights, too. I was boxing and wrestling at the same time.

And so it's weird, man. It's weird to talk about all this stuff. Because, you know, a lot of this stuff that I did, you know, athletically in wrestling and boxing like I never I never achieved my potential I think and I don't know if like if if if that's overthinking you know being involved in a sport and everything but I think every athlete you know unless they're like a champion must always feel like they left a little something on the table and and now let me ask you this yeah you you fought pro for one year two years two years two what did you think

I thought that, you know, the thing about fighting in the pros is, you know, especially boxing. It's about having a good amateur career so that you can have a good manager that will get you the right fights. And that's how all boxing starts out. And so you're fighting a lot of guys in the pros that, you know, aren't really up to your speed, but they kind of bring you along. You know what I mean? You fight guys that you're a little bit better, a little bit better. and then you start getting tested, and then they started bringing in, you know, tougher guys,

and then you climb the ranks that way. And if you, if you handle when you get tested, you know, and by a guy that's really good, you know, you can have a career. But it's a very small percentage of people that make the big bucks, that become the De La Jollaos, the Mayweathers, the Bernard Hopkins. I mean, it's a very small percentage, man. And I knew that I was never going to be one of those guys. guys, you know, and I just...

When did you find out? How old were you when you found out? At what level? At what? You know, I fought in the national championships a couple times and in the amateurs. And there was a guy named Davin King and another guy named Stephen Cunningham. And Stephen Cunningham ended up being an IBF cruiserweight champion of the world. he was he was probably him and daven king these two guys man david king won the junior worlds these two guys were the two toughest guys i ever fought and i'd say stephen cunningham was the the toughest because he dropped me in the second and i got up and i finished i finished the fight he was the only guy to ever dropped me in the

amateurs only guy and uh and so he uh i got out of that fight my dad would always be real hard on me because my dad was my trainer. And so he'd always be real hard on me and he'd say, hey, uh, you should have won that fight. You know, why the hell didn't you know, you didn't do the,

you didn't do the things. And, and, and usually I could understand where he was coming from, but when, and when I fought Stephen Cunningham and he, my dad started lighting into me, I was like,

hey, hey, hey, hey, pop. That, that, that dude's going to be a world champion. They're like, I, like, I knew at that moment,

I was like, there's nothing I can do to beat that son of a bitch, man. He was that tough. And he did. He ended up becoming an IBF cruiserweight champion, just like I predicted. Now, when you walked away from boxing, I won't read the press score. I was very torn because my dad told me I'd be driving a cab for the rest of my life.

Because, you know, my dad was training me. And, you know, we had built, I was 8-0 as a pro. You know, I hadn't really fought that many tough kids. guys but uh but he was he was like you know so i was starting to build a little bit of a following in the dc area you know i'd get you know start putting butts and seats and uh and i came and told my dad i was like all right well i'm good uh i'm gonna i'm gonna call a quits while i'm ahead you know i'm leaving i'm walking away with house money and so and he just he said you know i told him i was going to go be an actor and he told me i'd be driving a cab the rest of my life so you talked

to him today? Oh yeah, yeah. I mean, so then, so then fast forward a couple years later, you know, we were at a screening and, and we're both sitting there getting ready to watch this movie on him in, and he's sitting there. And it was actually the movie I did with John. And so we're sitting in this screening. It was called Mary Mary. And so we're sitting in the screening and right before the credit, right before the movie starts, I turn to my dad, I go, I go, hey, I thought you'd be dead and gone before you saw me on the screen. He's like, you son of a bitch, you always have to remember everything, don't you? So he had told me that.

He was like, I'll be dead and gone before. And whatever. This is, man, this ain't funny, man. No, no. It's supposed to be funny. It's supposed to be, because listen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, we were talking about comedy before.

Yeah. I told you how I got addicted to it and how I had grown up working out and lifting weights and all of a sudden comedy had just taken over my life. I knew that it was the only thing I had. There was no other hope. There was no other hope for me. Here I am living on Josh Wolf's couch with, you know, eating 49 cents cheeseburgers from Chili. Hey, man, I don't know the feeling, man.

Is it called Chili? No, what's the place that is Wendy's. Wendy's. Wendy's had the 49 cents chili, cup of chili. Right. I go between the chili and the salad. You take your pick. Yeah, man.

I'll eat that horse meat. Yeah. And I would get that horse meat in a cup with the crackers. and I get $0.49. Whopper Jr. Hey, so will I. And that was the struggle. That was part of the fucking struggle.

But I will tell you one thing. I got left back in the seventh grade, and it devastated me. Just devastated me because I knew I was smarter. I got left back because I fell in love over a piece of pussy. Fell in love. Just stopped everything. It stopped my world. The smell of a girl's vagina stopped my world.

Fuck homework. Fuck karate. Fuck my mother. Fuck my stepfather. Fuck Santa Maria. Fuck everybody. Fuck the church. I'm in love.

I'm going to marry this fucking girl. I'm going to run off with her and I got left back. I failed geography. I failed like four fucking classes and I had to go to summer school. And guess what? I fucking failed summer school because I couldn't get my mind off a dry hump in her. And I wasn't even fucking. That's the sad thing, Sean.

That's how much of a fucking moron I was. I wasn't even banging this. chick. I was just dry humping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were going to run off to a Bon Jovi song. Bon Jovi wasn't even around. Bon Jovi was still finger-banging the chicks and writing songs somewhere.

And I, it was such a devastation, the fucking left back, that I had to get something. I already had the karate. I was good at karate. I knew how to go to tournaments and I could always get a second or first place and form. I would get this qualified for kicking the guy in the face above the throat, you know?

Yeah, I just get carried away. B, bam, fuck it. It could be sitting there, Jesus Christ. But something made me get into basketball. I mean something. How old were you? I was maybe 12. Oh, shit.

And I fucking got, I'd always loved basketball, and I just got into it. It became my everything. It was part of a machine. If I wasn't doing homework, I started getting A's. Because I didn't tell my mother I got left back. So I couldn't have my mother go to the school. suspect holy shit so I had to make for you forge report cards I would I would end to sub letters for parent teacher meetings and I just fucking it was horrible

it was horrible was the biggest lie I ever fucking put together in my life and but basketball was everything yeah I would write coaches I would write the University of North Carolina any ACC team I liked I wrote the head coach and fucking got their workout and I just didn't I lifted weights I did and I played against the best competition in Hudson County. And I was supposed to start freshman year. You know? Like, it was, if you looked at all the grammar schools and everything,

I was the forward. And there was another guy, and there was a center, and there were two guards. And I got to my freshman year, and I didn't play. This coach just didn't. Oh, man. And it just, fucking, you know, and in practice, I'd score, like, 90 in practice.

Like, I would destroy the first team in practice. rebound wise. Why won't your coach play? He just did not like me. And people talk to him. They threatened to move me up if he didn't play me. He was like, you ain't moving him up. And you know what, man? I got into drugs.

And I pushed it off. I played from time to time with sophomore you, I didn't go out. And I never played again. And it destroyed me till this day. I made up for it with the comedy. Yeah. But I would

lasted long knowing that I gave up. I gave up at the age of 16 because I'm not going to, what Cuban is over six feet? You know, I was just being honest of myself. Give me a Cuban that's over six feet beside Konseko. Stephen Bow was 6'1. You know what I'm saying? Cubans aren't meant to be fucking tall. Yeah, Manolo.

You know, I just gave myself a bunch of excuses just as a cop out. But till today, I still talk to all those. kid and they'll tell you sure dog when you used to rock you used to rock i live with that doubt today like until today i'm like that basket but it made me not quit comedy yeah well thank god man and look you know my little brother my little brother was wrestling in in high school and he was just a he was just a he was just a he was just a fuck up man he was he was he was just always in trouble and everything and he had the same thing with his wrestling coach his wrestling coaches and he was he was incredible He had the most single season wins as a freshman, as a freshman in the whole school.

So for a freshman to have the most single season wins was just, you know, it was, it was very impressive. And he just, he got, he got. He said right before the pot. I haven't farted for a while. I shouldn't know. Oh, man. Did you?

I little one. I had some scouts for him. I know. I know. I was to see if he was blaming on the coconut. Yeah. What's that. Yeah.

So anyways, that was it, man. My brother just got messed up, man. That's it. I wasn't growing up in Miami. That's just a nightmare for you. You know, man, I loved it, man. I loved it. All those Spanish people.

Now I get to even like you even more. Yeah, I was the only white kid on my wrestling team. It was all Cuban, man. All Cubans. All Cuban and a couple black guys, man. And you have to, when you're white and you grew up in Miami, you have to work a little bit harder. Yeah.

I remember when I went to my kids. My cousin was friends with a white guy that was just tough because he had to be. Yeah. Like he had no choice. And I never forget I was being like 16. That's right, dude. And getting out of a car with a skateboard and me being like a New Yorker going, he's fucking nuts. Because, and I realize, I go, white kids in Miami got to double it up.

It's like white chick from Miami. They got to suck good dick. Because the competition level is high. If you're a white chick in Miami and you ain't giving up tities, Those sick chicks, they will suck your dick in the eighth grade. You know what I'm saying? So when you're a white chick in Miami, you got to work double hard. Ain't nobody going to dance with your dog.

Ain't nobody going to fucking take you to the prom. Because those little Cuban refugee chicks that left their grandfather in Cuba, they're dying to suck a dick. They're going to a movie theater with grandma. In my day, you had to fucking take the grandma to the movie theater with the chick and, you know, the mother or the brother, the gorilla brother or something, to the movie theater.

Dude, man. Oh, shit, man. I used to go to Red Berry baseball camp. Did you ever go to Red Berry baseball camp in Miami? I didn't go to it, but yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like a staple. Yeah.

It was part of my youth that I really don't talk about a lot. I used to spend my summers. Did you grow up in Miami? No, I grew up in Jersey, but I had a godfather who lived in the falls. He built the falls in the 60s by Monkey Jungle. 130th and 100th Avenue. He was a contractor. Right.

And he would build neighbors. So he would build a house. He'd move into it. And then he'd build four houses that duplicated that house. And he would sell them. He'd take a note out from the bank, and he would sell them. So I would spend my summers in the summers I had to work. When I went down there, I would get down there and get bit by red ants.

You don't know what life is to you pick up a twig. And it's filled with red ants. And you've got to run like a girl and put hot water on you or whatever they did. To get the red ants off you. Miami was a complete, I was a city kid. Yeah. My cousin. I know.

I'm asking you if you're from Miami. You're obviously not, man. You're from New Jersey. New Jersey. New Jersey. New York from Cuba, but then Jersey, grammar school, and high school pretty much. Yeah, dude. Man, you know, man, I spent some time up in Jersey, man.

Jersey's cool, man. My mom used to run the racetrack at Atlantic City Racetrack. Or, yeah, in Atlantic City, man. And she's... Yeah, so she used to spend her summers up there, and then she'd come down to Florida now for the wintertime. She runs in the restaurants of the racetrack, like Gulfstream, and then Maumath Park. Do you, I love Jersey, man. Mahmuth Park, that's a good race track.

Yeah. Jersey girls, too, man. You like Jersey girls? Oh, hell yeah, man. They're cool, man. I love Jersey, man. That's crazy. I love it, too.

I have no problems in Jersey. I think it's like anywhere else now. it's overcrowded, the traffic, you know, but Jersey has some beautiful parts. I will never be ashamed of growing up or I didn't. I think it made me who the fuck I am. It really did. I really enjoyed coming out from Hudson County.

I really did. Until today, I get little fucking notes on Twitter from people and shit from Hudson County. I loved it. I fought in Newark, New Jersey. My six pro fight was in Newark, New Jersey at the Robert Reed Hotel. and and this guy this guy knocked me down twice in the second round and then I came back and knocked him on the third round but it was uh it was um that was one of those moments where like I was like I was like you know what

I don't know if I need the box anymore this is just it's too much man and and uh and so then I went to the dressing room and I was buttoned up my pants and all of a sudden I was like wait a minute what just what just happened like I had like a moment were like, you know, like after a heavy night of drinking and you don't really remember like, you know, you know, what you did the night before? All of a sudden, then my corner man, Charlie King was, he goes, he's like, what are you telling him about man?

I'm like, Charlie, just tell me what just happened. Then he like, as he started telling me, it all came back to me. And that's when I was new, I knew that I had a concussion. And so it's like, I probably had plenty of concussions, man. and yeah dude that's why i got out of the support of boxing man how long was the transition between boxing and acting did you go to an acting class right away did you go to an acting school did you move out here yeah i went to new york for a little while i was working at the china club remember the china club dude yeah yeah yeah i was bouncing there man and for about six months man guys like uh

uh jimmy vennetti and uh kirk mclean these guys guys guys were just legendary guys that ran and ran the security at all these clubs man and it was just it was just it was a fun time what years were these this was uh this was October 2000 to uh to january 2001 no no no October I'm sorry August so it was like six months it was six months I was there man and so it was just man it was just it was incredible man and then you take acting classes in New York yeah it was uh yeah it was great man it was uh I took some acting classes there, but I was,

you know, I was having no luck. And I ran into Michael Rappaport at the China Club. You know, Michael Rappaport? He's below the podcast. Yeah, dude,

I'm the biggest fan of the guy. Yeah, so he comes out to, so he's there. And I walked up to him and I go, hey, man, I go, uh,

you're, uh, you made it as an actor. Like, did you make it here in New York? Or did you make it in L.A.? And he goes, you want to do film and television?

I was like, yeah, he goes, you need to move to L.A. and then I was like, all right, a couple weeks later, packed up my truck and made it out to L.A. What year was this? This is January 2001. And so then I came out of here, man, with a bunch of group of actors.

We started doing casting director workshops and stuff like that. Man, I didn't know my ass from my elbow, man. I really didn't. What kind of casting directors were you meeting with at the time? Do you remember? Oh, God. And I think Marni Saida was one of them because I got a part, I got a part, you know, I got like an under five. It was my first, my first role.

And so I'm trying to remember some of the others. I can't, I can't remember. So I actually met with my agent. He turned me down. And then he resigned me 10 years later. He signed me 10 years later. So it was, I was very green, man. It was like a green.

It was like, I got. I didn't know shit. Listen, when I moved here, I didn't know shit, man. When I moved here, I was in Seattle. Some guy comes up to me after a show, and he goes, you're perfect for a pilot. I'm shooting. I swear to God, Sean. I'm a fucking, I'm out on bail.

I'm living with a stripper. I'm fucking basic. I mean, I didn't know what I was going to do. I mean, I didn't know what I was going to do. And it was December of 96. It was Thanksgiving. of 96. That was the weekend. He went to visit his family. And he just had, that was the second year in a row. Somebody approached me over the Thanksgiving weekend. That was from L.A. That was visiting

family up there and saw me. So the second time he came up to me this guy and he's like, you know, you want to do this pilot, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Let me look into it. Give me your contact info. And I, I didn't know what to think. Like, I didn't know what to think. You're like, hey, man, what are you selling, bro? Because it's a CBS pilot, and it's, you'd be playing a Spanish bartender that, you know, whatever. I don't even remember. I'm a Spanish bartender where they come from information to, like, a snuggie bear, a comic type of guy, but very serious. And they always have to work me over for information.

Come on, Joey, you know the information. That type of shit. It was called Bronx County. Right. They were looking. That was perfect. And they called, and they called again. And then I got a probation violation, and they wanted to throw me in jail.

So I told the guy from CBS, and he goes, let me fucking make some calls. And they called the fucking judge and wrote a letter. It was crazy. Dude, man, I fucking got out of Seattle. The guys, like, don't come back. And I came down here, they wanted me to go to counseling classes for assault. And I never went to the classes. So they, but I got down here, and I fucked up so bad on that pilot.

that I was like, this is never going to happen again. What a shame. Oh, dude. Like, what a shame. Yeah. What an embarrassment I am that I didn't know about acting classes. Like, before we started the podcast, we were watching those Stevenson Caghan movies and Lethal Weapon.

I still remember watching Blind Date. Oh, my God. With Bruce Willis, man. With Bruce Willis and Kim Baskins and tell him my roommate, when are you going to call your camera buddy and tell him about me? Like I thought you just made calls. Like I just thought like my friend told me one time. Like I have a friend that works cameras in L.A.

He shot this movie. I didn't leave that guy alone for three years. When are you going to call your buddy, tell him about me? I'm a fucking savage. Like I didn't know what acting was. Call your buddy. Tell him about me. Yeah. I didn't know.

It's so funny. That's like sometimes you'll be talking to like an aunt or somebody and they're like, hey, so, you know, we were watching that CSI, the other night and you know who we thought would be good on there Sean would be good on that can you why don't you call them yeah yeah just just call somebody I love when people say that yeah you're like come on man it doesn't work that way so I didn't know I wish it worked like that I didn't know what was going on at Sean Carrick and like I was right Sean Carragan like I was right Sean Carragut and I watched a thousand movies and I had no idea about nothing and then I signed with

his manager no and he's like yeah hand up is great, but you're going to have to go on auditions. I'm like, what are you talking about? That's never going to happen again. I'm not going on auditions. And he shot me around. And I came down to two agents. He sent me pictures to like 35 agents.

And I was turned out by 33 of them. And only two agents signed me. This dude that's still around. I'm not going to say his name. He's still a bum. He's still a bum. Oh, man. He wanted money to send out your envelopes and shit,

one of those type of people. Yeah, yeah. You have to pay me a hundred a month for postage and handling until you book something. Get the fuck out of here. And these two beautiful black girls called the coloring book. Wow. And you had to send out all your head shots with different colored paper. And they were called the coloring book for a reason.

They specialize with kids and characters. But she had me out two days later. Like she was sending me out two days later. All the time. And I'm not Sean Carrigan. I'm going in there. What's that? man not I'm going in there not even close

like just shaking them telling me thank you for coming in like thank you for coming in and then finally I said okay I think I got to take an acting class and I took an acting class and he taught me the basics of scene study first Frank Magna

and then I said fuck this and the biggest class in town was not Leslie Kahn but the other one Ivana Ivana? Vonachshab. So I went to it Vonachovic.

Oh, that's great, man. And that guy really broke it down for me. But while I was going to his class, I was booking. Like, I had booked, when I booked basketball, I didn't even know what the line was, I didn't know what action cut. Like, I was coked up the night before and slept. And I was the first scene up. And I still remember them going, all right, on your marks. And I'm like, what do I get bent over the race?

And then there was no, I couldn't roll. I couldn't roller skate. Like, I was supposed to roller skate in basketball. When I go away, I'm not on roller skates. I just may believe they fucking hated me. Like, people were hiring me and just hating on me. Like, hating me. You understand what that's like?

And people at home never have that idea. Like, hating me. And once I went to acting class, I got a little bit more. And then I took a cold reading workshop. You think maybe you started respecting the craft more when she started studying it? They informed me of what was happening. What was happening? I didn't know what was happening.

I don't have any fucking idea. And you're sending me scripts. I'm going into read with fucking the actors from the movie. My hand is shaking. I had no idea. People think that you just step on the lot. And you're like, yeah, shaking, rock. Because there's all these levels of intimidation and fear.

And it doesn't stop, man. It doesn't stop. It doesn't stop. It's just in. But my wife got me a workshop, a cold reading workshop, with the guy who cast Godfather to Donnie Brascoe and a bunch of stuff, sleepers. And he brought in, this really helped me. He brought in the audition tapes from sleepers. Oh, that's cool, that's cool, that's look through all the audition tapes of the people that had auditioned.

and why we would pick those people. And it gave me a different perspective. Oh, wow, that's cool, man. And that helped me. You know who took that class with me? That was 2001 at UCLA. Guess who I sat next to Brian Callan. Is that right, man?

I met him in New York with Rogan. And here he was in the class, talking to chicks, you know, the whole thing. Sit over here. It was me and him surrounded by 92 fucking women. And that helped me. and I did the Christian Kaplan workshop. And then he put me in the movie Taxi. Two weeks later, he called me.

He goes, come and audition for this. They had given it to Bobby Slateen already. But he liked me better. And he gave it to me and Bobby till his day would say, you motherfucker, you stole fucking taxi from me. But it took me three years to really get my acting chops up. Yeah, but still, man, you did it. You know?

Like, how long did it take you to really get your acting chops up? Well, what happened to me? is I fell on my, I fell on my goddamn face, man. Like, I did a movie. It was so bad. They said,

they said, Sean Kerrigan has a better chance of modeling leather jackets than ever being an actor. I was like, I was like, that was to review? Yeah, dude.

That was some cold-blooded shit, man. It was cold-blooded. And so that's why, like, I was like, I was like, man, I got to, I just wasn't ready.

I did a, I did a, I did a TV show called Next Action Star. Back in 2000. four. And they thought it was going to be like the next American Idol for actors. And so they auditioned people all over the country.

And then they got to, they got to L.A., and they select 14 girls, 14 guys. And then you have screen tests each week, you know, and they eliminate more people, eliminate people, eliminate people, until finally the winners of each screen test for each week for 10 weeks. that person gets to star in his own action film, the guy and the girl who win it. And so me and a girl named Corinne Van Richtergrut, it's a mouthful, we run it and we won it,

and then we got to star in our own TV movie out in Cleveland. And we went and we shot it, and I had to take a fake name because the show hadn't come out yet, and NBC thought it was going to be huge. So, like, I was walking, I had an alias, Sunny Briggs, or Sunny Hopkins, and then my character name was Sunny Briggs. And the movie just sucked.

It just, they called it, bet your life. They should have called it bet your career. Who directed it? I mean, did they do it like a right job everywhere? You know, man. Who wrote it? Look, I don't want to, you know, dog anybody that helped make it because I think that what they were working with was an actor.

I wasn't ready to star and I wasn't ready to star in an action my own action film. I wasn't ready to carry a film. You know, you got to understand like you're going to get like rewrites sometimes or like it's raining outside tomorrow so now we can't

we can't shoot the exterior. We're going to shoot this interior on page 62. Learn, you know, you got those 10 pages right? Like you have to like it's just I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for that level. And and you know,

know so then I just I you know I I I didn't work for a little while in TV and film probably about six years it was you know it was I didn't book a TV or film job in six years and and then I just said fuck this man I'm not gonna I'm not gonna go out like this I started studying at Playhouse West I started I just learned the craft of acting I went back in the beginning there beginning class worked my way up to the events went through the whole program it's Meisner And so I did that. And then I just started doing stand-up.

I was like, I got to like, I got to be able to make fun of this, this situation. Or I'm like, you know, I'm not going to get working again. And the next thing you know, man, I started working. I started working. As soon as I started doing stand-up comedy, I started working in TV. It helped you audition. It's a lot more. Yeah, man.

You know, I think it just helped with a lot of things, man. It was, like, it helped me, like, talk about. I had a chip on my shoulder, man, for a long time. You know, it was like this, you know, ex-pro boxer. Me and John Bernthal would go out and we get in all kinds of bar fights and shit all the time. It was just like, it was just a very weird life, man. And it was a very like, just, just what. A little bit of frustration.

Yeah, it's like a little anger, a little chip on your shoulder. Yeah, man. You know, when things don't go your way for a while, you become the, and it's a phase that you go through. Yeah, man. It's a certain age. Yeah. And I had failed at the movie that this was my shot, man, my one shot. You know, they said that, because they said the show was going to be like the next American

Island and it just bombed. It just was terrible. And they- What network was it on? It was on NBC, man. Jesus Christ. It was on NBC. And they thought it was going to be, what happened was they shot it like the real world.

They didn't shoot it. They didn't shoot it like what people wanted to see, which was the acting training, the acting classes we took with Howard Fine, the stunt training. Howard Fine on Fairfax. Yeah, dude. Howard Fine was our acting coach. On Fairfax. Yeah.

The old guy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the studio, Howard Fine's studio. And so I think that is, I think he's on Fairfax now. I'm not sure exactly. Yeah, but he was on Melrose at some point. And that's when we like train. But he's a fantastic acting teacher.

But so that's where they didn't see all that shit. They saw like people like arguing over like bullshit. Like real world. Like, yeah, man. People were like, I thought we were going to see the next new, next action star. Like all the stunt training and all the acting classes and all this, which is all stuff we did. But they just... Where was the first place you got on stage at?

And, oh, God. What's the name of that place in North Hollywood, man? It's a ha-ha. No, no, no, no. It's a restaurant that used to have an 11 o'clock open mic. Italian restaurant? No, no, no, man. I can't, I can't remember the name right now.

Liquid, Liquid Zoo. Liquid Zoo. Liquid Zoo and Van Nuys. That was it, man. Liquid Zoo. And I told just terrible jokes. Did you go by yourself? No, my ex-wife went with me.

And so she saw it. It was just terrible. It was just awful. What made you go back the second time? Because I got a couple laughs on some gross shit that I said. And, uh, and then I just I just you know I just I don't know man

I just I read Steve Martin's book It said born standing up Or called born standing up good book good book And he talked about how like how many times he bombed And I was like fuck man You know like I used to get my fucking ass kicked in boxing But I like but I got through it It's an eye I got through the times when I sucked

You know I got through it And so now it's like All right, well, I'm going to get, you know, you just get to where, you know, you're just going to hope to get better. So. It's so weird how when you, just work at it is what I'm saying. When you're an actor. Yeah. And you add stand up to your repertoire.

Even if you don't do it professionally, you do it as an exercise. No. Like I saw Emilio Rivera from Sons of Anarchy. I met him 20 years ago. And he was acting, but he said that something about stand-up helped him audition. And years later, at an audition, after I had auditioned a hundred times and sucked the dick on all of them, I learned how to take the Mitzie concept. When you showcase for me, you got three minutes.

Right. When I call you up and I go, I'm putting your life's hands on three minutes, you're going to hang up the phone and go, what the fuck do I do in three fucking minutes well it's the same amount of time and you go into an audition room to read yeah it's true man you got three minutes so you got three minutes to make them to love you

fall in love with you so I started taking that concept of stand-up and like I went in for fucking movies that you would die after I did I think by 2000 I got rid of the manager and the coloring book disbanded by themselves. The one chick's husband cheated on them with a white chick.

You don't do that to a sister. And they just fell apart at the seams. And I signed with the guy, here's the weirdest story in the world. The manager I was with was a badass motherfucker. He had grown up in Beverly Hills, went to Beverly Hills high, went to Syracuse with the whole crew. and knew everybody. And I'll never forget that we were all sitting there

when we were having a meeting one day, and he goes, listen, I got to get you an agent. I can't keep sending you out like this rogue. In those days, managers weren't supposed to send you out. And really? In 97-98, no. Oh, wow. Managers were not supposed to send you out.

Jewish managers didn't give a fuck. They were trying to get the lights paid, so they didn't give a fuck. Jeff was that. manager. But Jeff wasn't getting me out for co-stars. Jeff was giving me nine-page

NYPD Blue Leeds. Yeah. And I'm going in there, it's Danny Trejo and another Mexican from fucking this, and I'm like, you know, the first 10 auditions I went in, I lost in the room just signing my name.

When I turn around, that's the guy from Goodfellers in the freezer. Yeah. You know, right there. That's that guy. That's this guy. That's that guy. I would lose it. That's the auditions.

He had me going into the beginning. So how did you finally get over all that? Stand up. I did a storyteller show in the belly room one night. And it came to me. Wow. That when I go in for an audition, I'm telling the story. It's not just, hi, how are you?

Good to see you. Slate. My name's Joey Diaz. Okay, let's read those two lines. one of the first auditions I figured it out was the James Colburn one I figured out that it's not just one line it's a line on paper

that doesn't mean my job is to turn that one line into three and that's what I would do I would give the beginning a middle and an ending just like a stand-up set so no matter what that thing was

I did it opposite and I always won the scene I always had the last line I don't give a fuck what you wrote bitch correct me in the room but when I walked in there I bulldoged you I learned how to go out of the casting people and guess who I went that from a picture by the name of the rocket oh Louis Tion no the other fucking lunatic from Boston Red Sox that ended up in Houston that was a boy he was Clemens Clemens if you ever watch Roger Clemens pitch what do you mean he was a bully oh he was a big time boy is he oh but you didn't see

it on TV. Oh, wow. You saw it live. No shit. You saw it live. He beat you without throwing a pitch. Wow, man. So now that's what you have to start doing when you go into an audition. You have to beat them without saying, like one time I walked into you, if you see it today, every once in a while people go, Joey, I just saw you on a thing. Were you an extra on that? What's that, Joe? Oh, how I met your mother. That or two and a half men? Two and a half men, too. Two and a half men, too. But how I met your mother, I went in there my pants rip and I had no underwear on. And I asked the cast to make them after she saw the Cuban egg roll.

And they just died. And I never forget. Like they were dying so hard that I walked out and my agent called. He goes, go back and read. Get out of here, man. And then they put me on the set, and I was the wrong dude. Right.

But I got to that level by starting to book one-liners. One-liners, and I turned into fucking three. Yeah. Like, I became the fucking three. Captain Kirk of the Enterprise. Let them tell me to read it how it's written. Read it how it's written. Okay.

But I already got you. It's too late. It's like when you go to court and you just go, you know that, Lee, rape the chick one time. It's irrelevant. Scratch that from the jurors. The jurors, please disregard that comment. It's too late.

You made the comment. You already hit it out of the park, bitch. So I would make sure on the first read, I'd hit it out of the park. My style. I remember going on an ABC pilot one time, and it was about a guy who was white trash, who was fucking put in the neighborhood,

and he had like a Kmart swimming pool, and he was watering it, like with slippers on and whatever. In his mind, he came from the ghetto. This was like big-time living. He had a little Puerto Rican barbecue, little babachi's, and he had three hot dogs on there. And he was this guy. He felt that he was a big shot.

I fucking put tidy whiteies on. I weighed 380. I put a men's, a t-shirt like this and sweatpants. When I walked in, my plan was to walk in and pull my pants down and have the tidy whitties and blow them out of the water. That's how you audition. You audition to be remembered. You don't audition to book the part.

You auditioned to be remembered. What did you learn that from Milton's? Milton Cicellas? No. Yes. That's where you learned that from. Yes. I learned it from Milton Cassellas and the guy from the Godfather, too.

You don't audition to book the role. You audition to be remembered. Yeah. So I walked in the room and the ladies were great thing. You made it. Can you give us one minute to confer? When they turned around, I dropped those sweatpants. And I took their leg out.

And here I am. I took my sneakers off and everything with my big Fred Flintstone feet. I got a pet tidy white I took my shirt off and I had a gut and tits And I may believe I was watering the thing And I go look at me And they both all three of them turned around at once And I go living like a fucking doctor

Bam done and the class They said put that on the tape They died right there They go just put the camera on Say that one more time just like that Without the fucking And I went like oh look at me Living like a doctor

Bam, done. I walked out of that. I could have told everybody, go home. Like, go home, this ain't for you. You know what I'm saying? Go home, the same for you. I didn't. I had too much class.

You were like, yeah. But by the time I walked to the car, I would get the call. Yeah, by the time I got to the car, I would get the call. Because I would, I didn't go in there. Once I figured out, you don't go in there to book the row.

It's just like stand-up comedy would have happened to me the last six months. I was doing stand-up to please the audience. You know what? Since one of my fucking gorilla monkey that's going to play a drum, I'm there to do what I do, and whether you like it, that's your problem. That's the problem with stand-up now.

They're flipping it on you, and we're starting to believe that. I started to believe that. I started stand-up to make you feel uncomfortable and to make you think and to let you know that. What I'm telling you is the truth. Those people in Thailand, that thing that happened in Thailand, he was going to fuck those kids in the cave. I'm telling you, I don't give a fuck what you think,

that it was a Christian, it's been raining out a lot. You don't see me going into no cave with 12 other motherfuckers. He was gonna fuck those little jab kids. There's no two ways about it. And I'm letting everybody know. I don't give a fuck what they tell you. Nobody's gonna tell you that coach was Sandusky Jr. He was studying the readings of Sandusky and shit.

Sandusky read a book in prison called Hottomeless Little Boys. This motherfucker took him to the 2.0. He didn't take him to the basement. He took him to the fucking cave. At least Sandusky took him to the basement, fucked in the ass, let you go home with a balloon. You know what I'm saying? This fucking Thai, motherfucker.

No escape. No escape. I'm fucking you to death and I'm leaving you here for the crocodiles. But they fucked up with the bicycles. Nobody believes me. Nobody believes me. That's what really happened. And that's what you have to let people know.

When they leave there, I don't know, Joey had a point about that shit. Why would he take him to a cave? So what it was raining. You stand up under a tree. It's fucked up what stand up is. And you watch the guys like Kennison and Dice that were really pushing the envelope and you're like, that's what I have to be doing. You know, it doesn't work for everybody.

I mean, also, man, like, yeah, man, it's also like, it's what your, what your flavor of comedy is, man. You know what I mean? Like, like, I love, like, that's what, I love people to push the fucking envelope. You have to. I ain't got time. I'm 55. Yeah, man. You know me dilly-dally?

I don't give a fuck about Netflix, HBO, showtime. I'm looking to rip that fucking stage apart now. I'm looking to leave smoke up there. And I want to, when I step off there, I want to, want the battlefield to look like fucking, Like I shot everybody. Like Vegas. Like a battlefield. Like that's what you're supposed to leave.

Like people blaying all over the place, bleeding. That's what comedy is. Bombarding the fucking audience. And I lost that. That's a great point, man. I lost that. And it's the same thing when you go into an audition. You know, I still remember a boat.

I know what I'd say to you. So I got this guy, Jeff Gatlin. He's got connections at fucking CAA. He's got connections everywhere. But he goes, dog. There's an agent. I want you to meet. You're not going to like her.

But we're going to take a meeting anyway because she's the best agent for you. And at that time, if you went up Highland in the middle there where there's a parking lot, there used to be an old building. Like, you were scared when you parked in the underground. You were really scared. Like the underground parking in there,

you were like, I don't know if I'm going to make it. I used to sell porn across the street from there. When I first got here, there was a job, telemarketing, that you saw it, on eight bucks an hour and you went in there and just called hand job places and said i got the latest lucy lute tape ended up the ass and they would order and i quit after a week it wasn't for me i went and sold cigars but it was just a shitty neighbor highland and then hollywood yeah it was man above above fucking hollywood boulevard after nine o'clock at night you better bring a weapon jack walking into

the 101 there right there that used to be bad news yeah really bad that corner there with the subway and everything right there that turns into Franklin. That used to be an island with a building. So I ask him where to meet him, and he tells me, meet me at that island. And I go, you want me to meet you with a fucking agent. That's where their offices. Like everybody's offices are in Willshirt.

Some people's offices were on the lot. You want me to go. You're telling me that the agent you want me to go meet, and it was Daniel Huff agency. Oh, shit. And they were on the fourth floor, Gary is building. When you press the elevator, the elevator took forever.

This is 90. Wow. Wow, man. This has to be 1999, 2000. No. And I met her a week before Christmas, and the name was Nancy Apt, and she was from Chicago. And the insight was on the street. The word on the street was, yeah, you could go to this agency and that agency. But if you really want to work, this lady don't fucking stop.

Oh, wow. And like, I mean, she was like that. She was that lady without the cigarette. I'm going to help you today. Fucking head shots all over her desk. I need a gin martini. Danny was in the back, so I'm doing commercials. I was at Sutton Barth and Ari.

Danny was in the back doing commercials. It was a three-man operation. Wow. That's crazy, man. That's crazy, man. So she came out, Danny came out and said, I don't need you for commercials. I'm with Sutton Barter-Mir.

Cool. And then she goes, I want to sign you. I go, let me talk to my manager. We left that building. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Dog. If you want to go out, that's the lady. That's the lady.

Combined with me, and it was the truth. You know, I found one of those notebooks about two years ago. That's when I was going on three TV shows per week and two feature films. And I'm talking about, name it. I could read. Damn, she was getting you out like that, huh? Like that.

Wow. This has to be 2000 to 2003, before the computer. They would hand submit. Oh, it was a different time, man. Thomas guides and shit. Thomas guide. Yeah, they had to have a Thomas guide to get around. You better have a headshot.

You better have a headshot on you. You better not show up without a headshot. You had to get a hundred headshots every two weeks. Yeah, dude. That $49, dog. They would call you and say, we need more. Yeah. But you, as an agent, as a client, I would show up every week.

I would alternate headshots every week. Sunday I would staple 50 more. You had to cut the sheets 8 by 10. Exactly. To that's the head shot. Dude, did it all, man. You think I'm fucking kidding. It was work, Jack. You didn't just fucking act. You had to staple them perfectly. I'd always go to Kink

or Kingo's FedEx and use the slider machine to cut the resumes. Well, they used to be FedEx right on Sunset. First it was Mr. Chow. Mr. Chow was across in the guitar center. So he did all my resumes. He would slice them for me and I would staple him. Mr.

Charles printing. I lived in there. The headshots were LeBreya and Sunset behind Hoy's Walk. That was the headshot place. You were in there every three weeks, spending $79. Was Ray the Retouchers around then? Ray, the Retoucher was there. So people go retouch this. I'm ugly. Nothing's going to save this face. Forget Ray the retoucher. That was a big thing back then. We love your head shots, but you have a little blemish on your head. Yeah, well, that gives me character. I'm not giving Ray to retouch 80 bucks to retouch and then you

look like a fucking like you died. They put that fucking funeral makeup on you on your headshot. You're like trying to smile. But no, fuck Ray to retouch it. I was brutal with those people. Brutal. I used to tell them, you used the head shots I got. And then once we book a job, then I'll get new headshot.

Because they always give you a list. You have to take a picture with that and you call the guy $300. I got a Puerto Rican with a camera. And for $29, he does fucking 100 headshots, 20 poses. He lets me shoot him at the end you know what I'm saying do the you're a carpenter there was agents that would say

you got to come back with a picture of Lee as a baker you have to be a picture you're throwing a pizza up in the end come on man in 97 when you went listen dog they had first of all every year they have a new scam that you have to sign up for to help you expedite your career

it costs you 6995 a year something there's always something and those days it was cast net listening you really want to move it goes right to cast net it was it was uh it was

cast net i mean to become an actor in those days it cost you a lot of money yeah because you had to get the right head shots they wanted a headshot for each thing they saw you at so if sean carrigan came to me he would be the Irish priest i want a headshot as you as a priest I want a headshot as you as a construction guy

right i want a headshot as you as a boxer So they wanted all these headshots Are you crazy? People were going broke in this town They wanted 400 for four poses Of you like, you know, with a kid Dude, and what did all these people That had all these places do, man?

Where did they go? Like, you know, because it's like You're thinking yourself, you're like These guys, I mean, Are they all doing digital now? Is that what's happening? Everything is digital. They had to have like lost all their shit

Okay, across the street from Rouse. There's a Chinese restaurant. There's a Russian market. And down the block, that whole corner at one time. When I tell you that that whole corner, he had 10 people behind the counter. You had to pick a number to go in that corner. He was to get headshot duplicate. So you went to LaBraya.

So, okay, so first you had to go get a headshot, Lee. Okay. 300. Then you had to take the sheet to your agent. And they had to approve it. Yeah. They wanted. So they want, out of the 36 pictures, they want 22 at $5 a piece.

Right. To put into like postcards. To put into postcards. Then you got to bring those back. This was the process. Then you had to bring them back. Then they spread them on the table again. And then again, they go, all right, give me that one, that one, and that one.

That's another 22 apiece. And you had to come back the next day with those three. And then they go, okay, go get me 100 of these and 100 of these. At 79.95 apiece. So you went down there and you ordered your fucking... you ordered your fucking thing and then from there after you picked up the 100 headshots

or no no no no after you picked up the regular shots you took them to the corner of I don't know the street or the one before fucking rouse and there he made you 100 copies so all this money are ready

then you had to get the 100 copies and you had to get member you had to get commercial headshots and theatrical headshots Yeah, that's right. You had to double down, man. So you had to spend. This is crazy.

What they did to you. I used to tell them, after a year, I told him to suck my dick. I don't give a fuck. Send that fucking headshot out. Send that out. I don't give a fuck what it looks like. Then they all wanted it real. I still remember being shooting, analyzed that.

And it was such a great scene with me and Anthony Lumpagia in the beginning that I tried to get the scene. The movie wasn't getting released. Until December. So you tried to get the scene before the movie came out? Yeah. And they wouldn't give it. They wouldn't give it. I got a call one day from a friend of money.

He goes, you want your scene, I got it. What? Because I got your scene. Come over to my house. So I went to his house and he had the scene, but it was backwards. Because when you steal it off the computer, it comes back backwards. So I had to take the scene to these guys. Come on, man.

You found guys to fix this? There's people who Rob Paramount, there's people on a daily basis. Man. That's a business. Yeah, yeah. That's a business. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah, they stole the prelims and they released them.

All those Africans in New York that sell you the movies. Yeah, some of them sit in a movie theater and tape it. But there's some guys that are on the up and up. Sure. They know somebody they pay $10,000 and they make $10,000 copies, they sell them for $5 a piece. That's $50,000. It's $40,000 profit.

And those movies go from computer to computer. So these guys would steal them off the computers. This guy called me one. I didn't ask him to do that. He was like an army guy that knew how to steal. Like the army taught him how to steal. He goes, I got your scene, but you have to flip it. So instead of me being in the movie, I was on the left-hand side,

now I was in the right-hand side. It was a nightmare. Then I took it to these guys on Melrose down. Like, I bring him the back back. Like, that's what these guys did. Sure. They had a vault back there, and they flipped it. And they gave it to me.

But they're like, listen, if you send it out, and Paramount sees it, you're going to go to jail. Oh, he said that. They told me that. They just wait for three months. Yeah. You know, there was just so many obstacles.

So wait a second. So you didn't send it out? No, I threw it away. I was like, I don't even want it in my arms. Oh, yeah. I'll wait until December. It ain't going to change my life that much in my mind. Did they tell you that after you paid them?

What do you mean? No, they told me even before. They were like, it's not worth you. Nobody asked me for months. Like this was all on the up and up. Wow, man. This was way before the podcast, this was just the guy I was complaining to but one night about the scene and he's like, let me talk to some guy.

And next scene he knows like, this guy wants to talk to you got the scene for you. Yeah, you know, it's weird, man. You don't think about how much piracy there is out there, man. But it's like people like, man. It's, dude, it's like you think about that, man. It's like people, I got a buddy of mine who he'll say, hey man, once you come over and watch his movie I'm like that movie's out in the theaters he's like

yeah no no I got it I'm like What fuck? Like how are you He always has No The newest movies what do you think? I'm like man You gotta stop stealing all these movies man Do you think he stole them no I don't know

So he knows in that at that movie Theater gives you those previews Yeah man and they say shit on them Yeah They'll say shit on them that you're not supposed to see like They'll keep coming up saying property of Right Well now they have boxes and it's because it's all on my

And they have boxes they sell on Amazon that you can buy that you get everything. You get all free TV, free sports, free pay-per-views. Yeah. It's called code. I mean, the government's trying. They shut it down every once in a while, but they just build it back up. So how long did it take you to act full-time as a full-time? Like right now, how long have you been a full-time actor just paying the bills with acting for?

Probably about 12 years. Really? Full-time? Maybe 10 years? 10 years yeah making it probably 12 probably 12 maybe yeah I mean sometimes better than others you know but I started working I started working again in in commercials commercials and so um you know I booked a couple commercials from uh for like I booked that Geico commercial you know the one where he goes through the airport yeah and then the guy on the sign is me and so I made just you know I paid just you know I paid

the bills with that you know all year pretty much and so I would I would book little like commercials here and there and you know make you know I've shot a lot of commercials so so then I started I started doing stand-up and once I started doing stand-up then it's just like I started working TV and film and and that was about that was yeah but you're on a soap opera for a while I was on a soap opera I was on the young and the rusts for three and a half years yes Christ yeah started out four episodes and then I told them I said uh you know you know I just I just did I did the best I did I told myself that this is an opportunity for these people to bring you back so just try to make something out of out of these four episodes and make them want to keep seeing you man and so long were you acting

before you got these four episodes oh uh this happened I was like uh I don't know I guess I've been acting about 12 12 years yeah yeah 12 years how was the transition I think that was one of the for me mm-hmm I was you know after the longest yard my confidence with up with acting right after 17 weeks of work yeah all those people you grow a level yeah like I grew a level from the auditions I got tough the longest yard grew me a level you know the directors you work with me well you learn as you go man you learn as you You're never prepared for anything.

No, no. And one day, this is what happened. I did that, you know that, she's a good, Julini. What's her name? Carla Gulini. She had a TV show for a while on ABC. Yeah. She did the movie American Gangster.

She played the Leeds wife. Okay. Carla Gujali. She's been around for a long time. Check out American Gangster. What, Danzel? Yeah, who played the white guy's wife. She had a TV show.

And it taped at the strip club on Lancashire. That episode, I played a bouncer. I was at Daniel Hoff for a couple of years. Yeah, man. Then Nancy left. Nancy flipped and left. And in those days, you know, I was doing Coke. And I knew the timing schedules of the fucking checks.

You do a TV show. You know, they always tell you TV, 10 days, movies, or commercials, dirty days. What's it in college? Jude, do you know G-U-G-I-N-O? Yeah, yeah, Carl G. Have you. Go ahead. Take two orders.

So I was with Daniel Hoff and great guys. Nothing, I'm not saying anything bad about them. But their check process was a little slow for me. They would take too long to pay me and hold the checks. I don't have time for that shit. Oh, yeah. When I owe you a commission, I pay you the commission. When you got my money, don't fuck around my money.

Well, they're great now, man. No, no, they're great. They're solid. That's solid. I was with them for three. I was with Dave. And your agent. They were great.

It was funny how I had to call them one day and go, where's my money? And they're like, we sent it. I go, no, you didn't. Then they called back and said, we never got the check. And the production company said, we'll send it at three. So I called Danny. I go, listen, if you don't have my money, I'm going over there. If you don't have my money, you're going out the fucking window.

And when I got over there, there was a check on the door with my paperwork, all my headshots. We don't want to represent you no more. The door was locked. I took my check, yeah. Whoa. And then, do you know that? Get the hell out of you. Yeah, that was probably right before,

because they got me Spider-Man too. They got me a bunch of shit. I was with them for four years. I left him right before maybe the longest yard. And then maybe like in 2012, I had to take my cat to the vet. And there was Danny. No shit.

And he goes, how are you doing? I go, how you doing, Danny? I fucked up that day. I'm sorry. He goes, ah, things happened. He goes, who you're with? I go, I'm with some pieces. He said, hey, he goes, give me a call later. Come back. And that was it. That was it. That was it. That was it for like three years.

Oh, man, that's cool, man. They're good people. Dave, my guy is in New York now. Dave is in New York, and then you have the really good black dude. Kevin Turner, man. Kevin Turner, Kevin Turner, the most monotone human you'll ever meet. Yeah, he was. I mean, he's no emotion. Yeah, dude, he's a machine. He's actually, he's a computer.

he uh it's like my first meeting with him i was like man that that shit went terrible man he just like shows nothing it's like poker face where'd you come from before you sign with dan yaw dude i just had a manager i had no agent i did a workshop i did an agent workshop and i told you i i wasn't working in tv and film for like uh six years so so i started taking these these casting director workshops and uh and i took an agent workshop and uh next thing you know he was at He saw me do a monologue, called me in his office. And then, like, who is this man? Like, he is, he's, like, shows no emotion.

No emotion. I was like, well, well, that's done. And then next thing you know, he called me back, brought me in again and sign me. So, and the rest of this has been history, man. And now I just, you know, I just tease him about how awkward he is all the time. He's a good dude. He's a good dude, man. I'm finally happy.

I'm happy you got to get on the show and talk a little bit. I got to say something. You're one of those guys in LA. every time I see you put a smile on my face because there's no bullshit in you like they don't... Well, thanks man. You're very... And you travel a lot doing stand-up? You know, a good amount. I mean, I'm not really getting out on the road

too much right now. I'm on at the ha-ha tonight. I'm sorry, I'm at the ha-ha Friday night and Saturday. And I'm Friday on the 11 o'clock show and then Saturday on the 830, 845 show. So, but like, I get out like... I get out a little bit. I've done kids. Canada a couple times. I headlined up at yuck yucks in Toronto. So I did that for a weekend.

And then I did I did the yuck yucks up in Vancouver. And so like I'll do like, you know, I get out a little bit. I headlined in Montana. I did a, you know, weekend in Montana. So LA is a little tough. You know, man. It's just, it's tough. Yeah, man. It's tough to break into this. Stand up is tougher than it's ever been. Yeah. Right now in LA. Yeah. People have no idea. how hard it is to move vertically. Yeah. Well, you know, I think I'm lucky in the fact that, you know, the ha-ha comedy club, man. They take good care of me, man.

They, you know, they give me tons of spots. And they've really shown me some love over there. And so, you know, I've grown a lot because of that club, you know. Not an easy club. Yeah, no, it's not. Not an easy club. And then, you know, getting spots at the comedy store occasionally now. you know, and so, you know, they'll show me a little bit of love.

So we'll see what's up, man. You know, you have a positive attitude, you know. You're always smiling. There's never a negative word out of you. Like I said, every time I see you, I kind of giggle because you just have a very genoccois attitude. That's really, you know, I've been taking my daughter to this place. and they do the little dragons like from four to five

and the big girls come in and like I told you, I don't even, I don't like this area because the apple doesn't fall far from the tree if the parents are a bunch of fake fucks. What's the kid's going to be like? Sure.

I'm sitting there yesterday watching this fucking martial arts class and this girl comes in and the other girl stops what she's doing and looks at her and she goes, I've missed you so much and it was right out of the fucking coffee shop and I go, this is why I don't want to raise my daughter here because the apple doesn't fall from

from the tree. The parents are fucking fake fucks. Oh, yeah, man. I can't imagine what the kids are like. But it's guys like you, there's a couple of us in this town that still remain true to who we are. We don't give a fuck about premieres. I don't give a fuck about parties. I don't give a fuck who's in the room.

You could suck my dick. I don't know I give a fuck. I wipe my ass with your wife. white privilege you know what I'm saying if if let it's skinned had no white privilege and the almond brothers who the fuck at you have white privilege do you know exactly man exactly you think you are to have white privilege whatever's fuck so this area just breeds this uh fakeness and you don't have it so and you're in the business where you have to have it to succeed you and john both is have this very, like I said, John made me feel

on a set of stars. Stallone, look at himself in the mirror. Yeah, hopefully I emailed him last night. Listen, let me tell you, man. John Bernthal is one of my best friends in the world. And me and that guy have been through a lot of shit together. And, you know, like a lot of situations, man. Like, you know, all kinds of different situations.

And he is always just been, And he's like that with all his friends, man. It's just a great dude, man. It's just on the level. You know where you stand with him. He was talking to me about comedy. Yeah. He's interested in comedy.

Yeah. He's very interested in doing comedic roles. I think his agent suggested maybe you should try comedic roles. And I was watching him in Sicario a couple weeks ago. And he was great in Sicario. He tries to fuck the skinny chick and he tries to kill him and shit. And then Benisha puts his finger on his fucking ear and licks it and all this shit to him. It's a great movie.

Yeah. But I'm looking. looking at him and I'm like this guy's got comedy chops he just doesn't know it he hasn't taken the plunge yet well he was on a sitcom he was on that show the class it was a sitcom and and that I love that show but now he just gets like movies yeah he's getting I mean dude he's playing you know he's he's he's playing the punisher you know it's just one of the most badass roles there are man I mean and he's just killing it so he's doing he's doing all right right now But it's, you know, I just, look, man, this is a tough business.

And if you can be cool with people along the way, you know, and just just, just be cool, man. Just be fucking cool, man. Just like, just do your shit. Take care of yourself. Push yourself in the ways that you need to, you know. But don't be fucking upset about anything else, you know, just concentrate on your shit and be cool with everybody. That's it, man. It's crazy the thoughts you get when you're doing this shit and the negativity that comes in your mind and the people that are the negative that come in your mind.

There's some people, man, that don't want other people to see. Yeah, they don't want other people to see me. And it kills them. It really does. And I cheerily for people to do well. Like, I was watching Dean Delray last night. Oh, it's great, man. I taped it, and then I just said, who do I'm taping?

I got to watch it. Yeah. I watched Bert. And Bert was great. Mark Merrin was great. but Dean brought a tear to my eye because that's one of my boys Yeah, he's one of my boys too, man.

When I watch TV and I see you in a movie, I go, Jesus Christ, that's one of my boys. And that's part of the success story. If you don't feel that way about the people around you, you're not going to succeed. If you're not genuinely happy, if I can't look you in the face and go, fuck, fuck, not fuck,

I wish I got that. No, not fuck. How did he get that? Not fuck. Who did he blow? It's exactly right. Fuck. Yeah, man.

Fuck, Sean, I'm fucking happy for you. Because I know it's one step up. We all get up. Yeah. We all got up. It's Donnie Brasco. That's it, man. We all get up.

If you get up, I get up. Lee gets up as a comic. Tiffany Hadish got up. That means we all step up one. Ralphie died. Tiffany Haddish got up and Lewis C.K. jerked off. So we all moved up three fucking spots.

That's what happens. You move up. And if you step up. And if you stay on that rotating line, if you stay on that line, you just move up. Yeah, that's it, man. Just a matter of time before you're there. Yeah, that's it, man. You're on Disneyland ride.

It's clicking, click, click, click, click. And that's all it is. That's all it is, man. That's all it is. When people understand that, you genuinely cheer for your peers, from your bottom of your heart, you will grow so fucking much. You will grow so much that, you know, when you see somebody like Rogan, who was made stars on that podcast. How much has he grown since that? Because he helped other people grow.

When you were genuinely honestly healthy about your friends, I want me to do stand-up, but I wanted to do it the right way so nobody ever takes anything from him. The same way, like people come to me and go, well, you got this because of the rogue. No, I didn't. You forget that that was me and Spider-Man, too, bitch. 14 days from one line. These motherfuckers forget forget everything. No, no, man. Listen, you get. You get. everything that you fucking work for and you put the work in and and and and just be fucking just be kind to people that are around you when you when you're coming up because there's an old saying in Hollywood man you see the same people the way up seem to seem the same people going down

as you guys are coming up exactly fucking Ralph Crandom said that on the honeymoon is in 1951 when they were doing that episode about acting the string of paloponnies Sean it was a pleasure having you yeah I did the podcast the bottom where can people find you at This weekend I'll be the ha-ha. No, no, no, Sean Kerrigan.com. Oh, I'm sorry, yeah. Yeah, Sean Kerrigan.com. I'm on Instagram as the real Sean Kerrigan,

and on Twitter at Sean Kerrigan. I love you, brother. So, hey, man, this has been pretty cool, man. Yeah, no, I always wanted to get China. It just was the right time. I ain't going to lie, man. I was pretty nervous. I was pretty nervous.

Who gives a fuck? No reason to be nervous. You're around family. Hey, hey, this is cool, man. Christ killer. Now, you're a legend, brother. He makes you nervous. Don't worry about.

He makes everybody nervous. Don't forget, I'm going to be in Philly at the Parks Casino, September 14th, and the following night at D.C. at the 930 club with my motherfucker Matt Fultron. And I want to thank my bookie. You know, ever since I started this podcast, people want to know advice. Joey, who's going to win? I don't fucking know.

If I knew who's going to win, you think I'd be here doing this fucking podcast? I'd be in Vegas picking up envelopes and shit, getting my dick sucked by Asian women. Anyway, that's just a fantasy. You got to check out my bookie if you're going to gamble. Gambling starts this weekend, preseason. When you're betting on, it's just as important to who you're betting with.

That's why I tell people to bet with my bookie. Listen, that's why I'm urging you to make your way to my book. I'm not telling you, I'm urging you. You know why? Because you win, they pay. It's that simple. They have an in-game, live betting,

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K, I, E. And don't forget to use promo code church. And when you're creating your account, to claim up to a thousand in free play. What that means is you play, you win, you get paid, cock suckers. And I want to give a shout out to Fuji Sports.com. If you're looking for a ghee, an under rash, a garment,

whatever the fuck you're looking for, Fuji Sports Got a fee. I want to thank Sean Kerrigan. We had two Kerrigans on the show this week. It's Irish week. Yeah, she spells her name wrong. With a K or whatever the fuck. You know what I mean?

I got my man the fucking flying Jew. aka the Christ Killer and your uncle Joey. I love you, motherfucker. Stay black. Have a tremendous labor day and eat fucking a hot dog for me. Kick this meal, Lee.