The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #616 - Eddie Bravo and Sam Tripoli

Episode Date: September 10, 2018

Eddie Bravo, the founder of 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu and the Eddie Bravo Invitational; and Sam Tripoli, a comedian and one of the hosts of the "Tin Foil Hat" podcast, both join Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.    This podcast is brought to you by:   23andme.com - 23andMe is a DNA testing service that can offer you insights on to how your DNA can influence your weight, sleep quality and much more. Order your 23andMe health and ancestry kit at 23andMe.com/church    MyBookie.com -  Use promo codeChurch to get up to a 100% match on your first deposit up to $1,000. Recorded live on 09/09/2018.
  

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when you're creating your account because you can claim up to a thousand and free play. Again, my bookie, you play, you win, you get paid. Crick that fucking mulee because we're not fucking around on Monday morning. Here we go. One-two. One-two, cocksucker.

Stretch out. Jump up and down. God gave you another day to be a little. You're fucking savage. I'm trying to track. I'm a little bit. Please, that as loud as this goes. I want my fucking ear, I want my ears to bleed.

Who you know, do it better. Yeah, right. No matter what, we air tight. What? Yeah. What? Yeah. I'm not a lot.

I'm not going to what's happening now. Motherfucking sleep. You know that I'm going to be. What's a love me, baby. I'm going to make you love me, baby. Oh. But crazy. I'm going to get you nothing for joke.

And that jealousy is only gonna leave You know the only thing left now Is God for these cats And babe, you know you too hard for these cats I'm away because I'm too smart for these cats While they're making up facts You're waking up a flat Are you fucking getting me or what?

He didn't like him And the wild wife he was with him Monday balled fucking fuck us A middle of us, most shady Been on the low lately The feds hate me The son of fucking They say my killin's too blatant

You hesitate me I'm in your mom I'm crin' crib waiting Nuttape it Your fan Destiny lays in my hands It lays in my waist I'm angry Into the is-h

phenomenon Gun rest under your vest body of your domino Run a few balls So I can buy a few cars Then I kick a few flows So I can pick a few holes Excellence is my presence

Never tense Never hesitate Leave a nick a bit Real quick, real sick Wrong nights I perform like Mike Anyone Tyson Jordan

Jackson action Bad guns Ridiculous I know That's as good as it motherfucking gets. I got Sandy Trips in this motherfucker. I got Eddie Bravo in this motherfucker. I got tin foil.

I got the Christ killer, the original Jew of Jews. Happy Rosh Hashanah, to you and your family, brother. Thank you very much, buddy. To you and all the Jewish community that's part of the church, happy Rosh Hashanah. He got another year to be a bad motherfucking Jew. And don't let me see you driving a Volkswagen. You know what I'm saying?

You got to have a little hate in your heart to those fucking Germans still. You know what I'm saying? Fall family killing it, dude. We're killing it. Thanks for having me on, dude. Thank you for having us on, dude. No, please, get on the mark. I want you to look good on the tape.

There we go. Boom, there we go. Boom. It was better. Remember 20 years ago, somebody told you to get on the mark? Yeah. And you looked around like you didn't know what the fuck they were talking about. Isn't that white tape on the ground?

Yeah, get on your mark. They'll tell you to stand in and they put like a body double in there for two minutes. They put tape around you. And they'll tell you to step into the mark and you keep fucking stepping. I didn't know what that meant when I did basketball. Oh, you didn't know what the mark meant? I had no idea. Wow.

Can you imagine being on a fucking, when I did the pilot for CBS, like, I was so bad, like, you ever do a job and every day your lines got shorter and shorter? Like, when I started, I had like eight pages, then I went to five, then I went to two. Really? Then I went to one line, and then I went to like a half a line. Like, what's it going to be? Like, in Spider-Man, did you go, what the fuck's going on? Did you go no because I knew I sucked and I was green around the gills

But you still had enough to book it I didn't book it they saw me on stage in Seattle And they booked me for a CBS pilot off a fucking stage in Seattle That's and when I went to the table read you know when you go to a table read you could fake the funk a little bit But once I got on the set I didn't know what I was doing that I didn't say none to nobody Then I booked the commercial then I booked baseball and I was basically a co-cats and basketball like that. That's all I did every night. And I never forget them going,

step up to the mark, because you had a roller skate in. Remember my scene, you have to roller skate in. By that part, I had robbed all the roller skates. So there was no roller skates that was size 11. They were all over at the Swiss chalet. I'd know every day I would steal a new... What'd you do with all the roller skates?

I would take the roller. They would put, you know, when you shoot a movie, you put your clothes in the room? Yeah. They would put my clothes in the room, and I'd park. This is when 9-11, pre-9-11, so if you knew the guard, or they knew you from the comedy store or something,

they let me park right next to the trailer every day. I don't know how I did it. Looking back, that's how fucking a crazy motherfucker I was, and I would take my roller skates, and I stopped it. Like the Swiss chalet off of like a Culver City, one of those, they used to have, like, one down there, like, and I went in there, and I was pulling, like, the old scams from the old days. How are you doing?

my uncle gave me a pair of roller skates they don't fit and they looked them they're like we'll give you $1.49 for them so I knew I would get $150 a day if I brought in roller skates. Oh my god so every time I would work I would steal somebody's roller skates from the set and then I just started going there was no cameras

then I would just go to the truck where the roller skates are and I would just take a box of roller skates if somebody would ask him why do you have size 14 I want to you know who checks roller skates who checks roller skates bro by the time I shot my scene Like I was like on the third week of showing up and not shooting. I would just go there basically to watch Jenny McCarthy, you know,

and watch those two guys. She's so hot. Who are the two guys that wrote that? The guys from South Park. I didn't know. South Parkers. Like I had no idea who I was working with. People were kissing my ass, you know, bringing me sodas.

I didn't know. And then I'll never forget that I went out and I got fucked up because I kept going in there just to hang out. Oh, you were... Like, I was shooting a movie. Like, they would make me coming at 8. And it'd be 8 o'clock at night. And they'd go, oh, you'd go home now.

And I go, what am I going to shoot? And I don't know. Oh, that's the worst. So the night I go out, I stayed out till 7, snort and coke by the Hollywood sign with some crazy people after the store. And I had to go all the way to the forum, right? That's where... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The forum to shoot. And when I got there, they were like, you're the first scene up. Like, I've been snorting coke until 6. Dude. It's 7.30. They called me in for rehearsal. Oh, my God. And guys fell apart at the seams.

First of all, they couldn't find roller skates for me. They're like, where are you roller skates? I'm like, I don't know. I don't know when I roller skates are. Every day, my roller skates are missing. So I got out of the roller skates. So if you watch the scene, I have to skate up. Like, I'm roller skating.

And then he says a scene, a line, I say a line, and we both skate away. You didn't have skates? No. What a great actor you were because I never knew that. So when we went up to each other, like, dog, I was going back to back and the guy's going cut. It took maybe four hours to shoot that. That's how bad I was. Oh, you're so funny.

When they said cut, you could tell, like, when I walked away, they all threw their fucking speakers on the front. Like, that's how bad I was. And when I got the call to how many guests do you want to come bring to the premiere, I was like, who is this? This is Johnny Bananas from Paramount or whatever company who did the movie. We want to know how many people are you bringing to the premiere. I go, Premiere or what? And they're like, basketball.

Because when I left there, I'm like, they cut me. That's how bad I was. Like, that's how crazy bad I was. I don't remember the movie. Did you make it in the movie? Yeah, see if you got it. Oh, yeah. Dude.

So would you just go all over town selling? roller skates swish shellace got me like why is this guy got 90 at that place that was played against sports oh yeah yeah yeah play against sports it give me like 75 bucks they don't give a fuck they were brand new roller skates I didn't give a fuck was two packages from chewy

right and a 20 for the bartender the drink that's how you do man yeah you need 60 bucks yeah two packages from chewy one to do there and went to do later on with some crazy chicky bump into and one that uh and then 20 bucks to tip hoc That's your philosophy when you're a good.

Wonderful. The craziest party I've ever been to was, it was a Halloween party by the South Park guys. Matt Stone and Trump Parker. They're brilliant those two. I got invited that part. This is 20 years and they're still on TV, but he was. Oh, let's see it.

I don't know if this is it for sure. Undergoing a life-saving operation tonight. The fans here, of course, all wearing yellow. You're in the scene? in support with this brave little boy. And his hero, Joe Cooper, promising to hit three home runs, a promise that could mean the difference

between life and death for this brave little boy. Hey, Pete! Oh shit. Look how young you look. I don't know, but he's one for 11 and he smells like Christian Slater. Coupe in the home run surface. Getting ready to take it up.

He's up. He nailed it, dude. I'm supposed to have roller skates. His second home run of the game. He can take this off now. I'm through and embarrassing myself. Hello. Bro, that's up doing all night.

That's snort and coke from 11.30 to about 5.45. I lived off of Riverside, right in Studio City. The person I was doing coke would drop me off. I went upstairs. I laid out in bed with my girlfriend. I still remember her getting up going, how did you sleep last night? I was a good off. It was a great night last night.

The next thing I know, she's driving me to the forum in traffic. and I get there, like, you're the first one up? You know the first movie, Orgasmo? Did you ever see? Yeah. That was the first movie. The villain in it, I forget what his name was in the movie, but it was like a karate guy, and there's like a karate scene. But that guy went to Jiu-Jitsu with me at John Jocs.

We got our black belts. Really? His name is David Dunn, and he was in the movie. And we were pretty good friends. And this is like 1998. he calls me up on Halloween days, 1990. He goes, dude, do you want to go to South Park Halloween party? Oh my God.

And I thought, fuck, yeah. He goes, dude, they gave me two invites. And he was going to bring a chick. And he had one extra ticket. He goes, it's tonight, but you have to have a costume. And I didn't have a costume ready. So I said, fuck it. I went to the Halloween store on Hollywood Boulevard, you know, that big Hollywood store.

I went in there. And my plan was, you know, only thing I could think of is to get a I had a Chinese hat right one of them Chinese hats because I went to Coachella and I had that by go you know what I'll go to this party as a Chinese guy with the machine gun you know what I'm like Vietcon I thought I was gonna so I went to the the Halloween store I couldn't find a machine gun turns out they're illegal you can't have machine gun my toy machine guns so that's fucked up my idea I'm like fuck what could I do now so I'm like walking

around the Halloween store and then I see those Billy Bob fake teeth yeah And I looked at that and I thought, shit. Hmm. Maybe I could be a homeless dude. So I got those teeth and then I had this idea. I'm going to be a fucking panhandler, homeless guy. So I had the teeth, fucked up Billy Bob teeth. I went to pick and save that was on Vine and sunset.

It's gone now. They just knocked it down. But there was a pick and save there. I went there because I needed like a like a Bud Light hat. You know what I was like? I'm going to get a. So I found a Coors ice hat. Oh, that's even better.

It's like 12 bucks, and I needed to make it really dirty. So I scraped it on the ground, got it all dirty. I just wanted to be a panhandler. Right. With the teeth, with a coarse, eyes hat, all. And then my neighbor, he was a construction worker. He was a plumber. So he had dirty, nasty shirts.

So I got one of his fucking hellified stained shirts and put on some dirty jeans. And I had these rebox from when I used to dye carpet for a living. Instead of cleaning the carpet, you put, And it's like for people who don't want to buy new carpet, you could dye your fucking carpet. It doesn't really work. But I was in the industry and I had Reeboks that had like nine different layers of dye on them. And I took off the, I took off the shoe strings. And so I had that.

And then I got a gigantic crescent wrench and I just put it in my back pocket. And they were going to come pick me up? I'm like, fuck, I'm a panhandler. Fuck it. I'm like this bum, right? So I wanted to test it out. So they show up. They pull up in my parking lot.

And I told David, I go, hey, listen, I'm going to come out with my costume. Don't tell your girl what's up. I'm just going to try to scare her. So they pull up and I walk up and this, you know, I just went up and started asking for change, like right up to the car and she freaked out because she saw the teeth. You see four teeth. And I'm like, I look like a dirty panhandler. So she freaked out.

And I thought, okay, cool, this is going to work. So I go to this fucking party. It's right there. It's at the Keote Studios next to where the Trader Joe's used to be on. on Santa Monica. Remember the Trader Joe's on Santa Monica and like Gardner? It was a trainer Joe's from your old gym. Exactly.

Where I tapped Keene Ivory Waynes, how much you guys know that, but I tapped them. So there's that, exactly. So there's the Keote Studios there, right? So they had a fucking party dude. I don't know how much money this party costs, but these are like four gigantic studios, gigantic, four of them.

And each room was one room would just had hundred couches, you know, and then the next room, let me back up a little bit. We show up and I don't know which one is Trey Parker and which one's Matt Stone. Matt's, which one is the one with Afro? That's Matt or Trey? Trey's the blonde-haired guy. Okay, so the blonde-haired guy, he's in like a Batman, like a superhero outfit. It looks like Batman, but it has E on his chest.

And he was Captain E. He was Captain E and in his utility belt, dude. He had like fucking $10,000 worth of fucking E. on his utility. Really? Yes, right? That's a great party. Oh, dude.

It was the greatest party I've ever been to in my motherfucking life. So we show up and everybody's, everyone that's, you know, a superhero outfit, Dale Earnhardt outfit. Everyone's got these outfits and everyone's walking around going cool outfit, cool costume, and then when they would look at me, they'd be like scared. They didn't say shit to me. They wouldn't even look me in the eye. I'm like, fuck, these guys are really, everybody. was scared of me.

They're like, who brought the homeless dude? Who got the homeless dude in here? So, instantly, I took like fucking two or three hits of E dude. I was flying. I had these fake Billy Bob teeth. I had this gigantic crescent wrench,

and I'm walking around. Nobody thinks it's a costume. Nobody thinks everyone thinks this is fucking crazy. It's like a charity event, like make a wish. Either some crazy panhandler or like some crazy like handyman on the studios. And one room, Like I said, one gigantic studio was 100 couches

for people to be on E, all fucked up. Another room, another studio was all like, like, Arabian-type couches with a, you know, I don't even know what the hell you would call it, but they're like the couches on the ground and they got all these like mosquito nets and shit. That's what they look like. But it looked like Saudi Arabian or whatever, right?

And then another room was a fucking club with a DJ. And on the floor, there was little rooms, little boots like porta potties all over the place where you can go make out with chicks in these little porta potty rooms they weren't porta potty but they This is the greatest party ever. Yes, it was the greatest

party ever. So there was a club with a DJ with all these porta potty people were dancing and then you go to another studio couches another studio couches on the floor where you could lay down everyone's all fucked up. Right. It was fucking nuts. It was nuts. So

I'm walking around, scaring everybody I'm having the time of my life just scared because I'd go up to I'd go up to everybody and ask him for change I just wanted to ask him to change I go you got some 50 and they'd be like uh maybe let me see let me see people were fucking giving me money I was having so much fucking fun panhandling right yeah and then every now and then I'd see this guy is like six foot five he had the fucking billy bob teeth too big fucking dude and he had a wife beater and he was walking around scaring people too and we would cross paths and we'd look at each other And we're like, are we doing the same shit?

And then you'd be gone. And then I'd be just be panhandling. I would just have it at the time of my life pan out of. And then I'd see him again. And then we'd bump into each other again. How much money do you make? And I'm like, and all of a sudden, he was fucked up. We everybody there was fucked up on ecstasy.

And we were fucking fried out of it. And then all of a sudden we bumped into each other. And we just, it was like this weird fucking connection we had. Because we didn't even talk. We didn't have any regular conversations. We would just hate each other. You know what I mean? We just hated each other and I called security over and he had a Billy Bob teeth

He had Billy Bob teeth And with a gold tooth my didn't have a gold tooth his Billy Bob teeth had a gold tooth So we we would call security I would call security over and go what's going on and go he has my go to and And then and then and then and you're just not here right now No, this guy said that's my go to and I go no that's my go to and I pull out I pull out I pull out I pull out the Crescent wrench and he'd open his mouth. He'd open his mouth.

And like, like those robots in Pirates of Caribbean, how they're all fucking, they're all, they look like shit. I would just, we would just get into this robot state. We'd bring in the security. And I'd like want my gold tooth. So I'm trying to get my gold tooth back from him. And he's like this. And I'm like, damn the security.

The security. It's like, it's all night. How many hit to E are you on at this point? Like five. We kept doing this all night to security. I kept calling. security and I kept asking them to get my gold tooth from this motherfucker and um eventually the security threatened to kick us out if we just kept if we kept fucking around you like it's like okay the joke's over

yes yes so then we went to the dance floor we went to the regular club you and your new buddy we walk in you're going to take a piss we we walk in to the club and everyone's dancing and me and him we look scary as fuck so we look like gangsters and we're just we are loving scaring people. We're having the greatest time scaring the fuck out of these people. So when we walk on a dance store, everybody clears out. Everyone's dancing, having a good time, and then everybody clears out. And we're walking around like, we're going to fuck some people up. And at the height of their fear, all of a sudden, we start dancing like we're gay. We start dancing like we're gay on each other and people going, what the fuck is going on? And then we would stop. And then we would

mad dog everybody and walk around and just look at people and just scare them. And they're like, Oh, fuck. There's white people from fucking, like actors and shit like that in the industry. Scared as fuck of us. We look scary. And then at the height of that fear, boom, we just start dancing like we're gay on each other. It's like we're in West Hollywood in Mickey's. And we just, we're dancing. We're just trying to mind fuck these people. You are so funny. And then we would stop and then get gangster on everybody. So people didn't know if we were gay or if we're going to kill them. Crazy part. Maybe you were gay and going to kill them. What's the craziest party you ever went to in Hollywood?

How long have you been out of here, Sam? I have been out here since, what, 2000? And what's the craziest party you ever went out of here? I think the craziest party ever went to is when I worked at Crunch way back in the day. I worked at Crunch and like those people party, dude. Like people who work, like the trainers, they go fucking hard in the paint, bro. Like, they're incredibly good-looking people. and they party fucking hard.

And it's so funny because once in a while, I always see my old, my old ecstasy dealer. He books commercials left and right. I'm so proud of him. I'm like, look at that. Look a good old boy booking fucking commercials.

But yeah, I mean, they went to this huge house, everybody on Coke, just getting fucking lit up. Everybody's on. Like you've been to parties up in the Hollywood Hills and shit.

Yeah. Yeah. That was the greatest part of it. And that was 1998. Yeah. I was in my 20s. I was 28 when I went to that motherfucker. I mean, I used to go a long time ago, 20 years ago.

I used to go to like Beecher's Madhouse in Vegas. That was crazy, dude. Crazy. What year is that? I remember that that was like 2002 maybe? The premier place to even do comedy. And they only like Robert Kelly. They like Robert Kelly, Steve.

I did well every time but once. And yeah, dude. But it was the greatest party ever, dude. And it was like an assault on your fucking senses. midgets, fire, dancing, like sword-swallowing, and then you'd have to walk out and do stand-up. It was crazy. And you'd be on X?

No, no, dude. I was sober then, yeah. So I was like, fuck it, you know? I wasn't going to do anything. Have you ever been to a party where you were jugged up and like crazy shit was going on? Like Illuminati style? No, once you told me that, I remember we were having a conversation one time. And you were telling me that these dudes.

dudes in Hollywood take the Viagra, and they would mix it with ecstasy and get a turkey baster and shoot the combination in their ass. I never heard of that. Somebody told me that stuff at the store. I'm sure. But I never went to those parties. I don't know about parties with that being the theme,

but people, you know, when you do ecstasy, MDMA, you want to fuck really bad more than ever. Oh, yeah. More than ever. You want to fuck for eight hours. But the problem is for guys, it could fuck with your dick. It basically just you get limp dick. But you want to fuck so much, but you got limp dick.

But then you throw- Coke too, man. Coke is the worst. But Coke doesn't make you horny like MDMA. Oh, yeah. Everything makes me horny. But two lines of Coke and you're walking around. Women love Coke.

I don't know what it is. Dude, it's like get weird. Coke does me tourney. It sends you somewhere else. You want to eat pussy for five hours straight. Your neck could be killing you, but you're like, let's just keep, let me just keep eating in. Like, I never did all that. Like, I had so many, my problems were at Coke.

So when everybody was doing ecstasy and everything else, my philosophy was why mess with it, I got enough problems on my own, just being me. Nevermind MDMA and pills and nothing like that. And then one of the first times I did ecstasy, I was in Miami. There was a Sunday night. There was a 7 o'clock show. It was with Pablo fucking, aka my brother. And he came up to me, and he does what I do to leave?

He goes, what's wrong with your tooth? I go, nothing. He goes, open your mouth. You got something in there. I definitely threw ecstasy in my mind. Oh, my God. Pablo Francisco. Oh, shit.

He's got the greatest ecstasy bit ever. Pablo Francisco, YouTube. Oh, dude, that came out. He came out. It's the greatest. With 45 murder, dude. Yeah. He gave me a car, man.

He's one of the greatest comedians I've ever. Yeah, no, no, no. He's one of the greatest. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the greatest. He gave me a car. One of the greatest. Then the second time was, you guys remember,

Adrian Schoenk, the hot waitress from the store, the blonde hippie chick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One night me and her did it, and we were going to go do crazy stuff, and her boyfriend showed up. So I went home, fell asleep,

and got up at 5 in the morning and the piss, and I was insane. full effect. You're still going. And then the other time I got arrested was I woke up, it was 1997, I woke up and I was living with Josh Wolf in Seattle. And he goes, bro, I didn't do this

ecstasy this weekend, you want it? I go, fuck you, I'll take it. It was a Monday morning. It had to be 11 in the morning. I had to be 11 in the morning. I popped by myself, just to go downtown Seattle. And I go to downtown Seattle, my ex calls me up. And I go over there and I'm giving her a stab. And also the cops are knocking on.

door and because she's we got to we got restraining ones and she got to each other and she told the neighbor if you see joey d.s called the police the neighbors saw me call the cops while I was giving her a stab and I remember I hit under the bed they drew their guns and the bed was going up and down my from me breathing the bed was going up and down like come out from under the bed so here I remember the police station with no shirt on like a two o'clock burning just rolling rolling on exercising their fingerprinting me and I'm looking at his hands spitting them and shit I had never I had never done it like guys

like I'd never been to those Hollywood parties No dude I didn't go to a lot of I don't know No I never really did Not really dude I hung out with Joe Back in those days

And Joe hated that shit So I was always like dude Let's let's fucking go to some parties And Joe's like Those are fucking trash people You know so I go to these parties When I did go to those parties

It was always when I got asked to work it in some weird way that's how i get into these parties you know i like i i did a bikini contest it was really funny at the key club one time and this is when i was drinking hard like hard and this is when i got paid and free uh in drink tickets so i didn't care about money they're like hey dude here's 10 drink tickets boom and we're talking yagerbom yagerbom jagger bomb jack daniels boom boom boom hadn't really found coke at that moment but man i was so drunk so i start the uh the uh the bikini contest this one chick, she wasn't the prettiest, but she had the will to win. Okay?

She goes out and just, boom, just releases the monkey to the crowd. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Just shows everybody your snatch. Crowd goes crazy, right? I'm so shit-faced. The whole thing is rigged. It's like the owner's girlfriend is in the contest. She's supposed to win the whole thing.

She, she, the girl who showed her pussy is the number one. I handed the list and it says, number one, I just read, the winner is number one. and that's the monkey that came out. Dude, the crop, the owner went nuts. Get him the fuck out of here. She wasn't supposed to win. This other person was supposed to win. I'm like, fuck, dude.

So I feel like I'm floating. I'm just blackout drunk. They got me, the bouncers, these huge bouncers walk me out, right? They put me in my car. And I'm like, okay, I'm just going to try to drive home, man. I'm going to try to fucking go for it. I drive.

I literally go 20 feet. I get pulled over, right? Cops. I'm like, well, tonight. night's tonight right so the cops full they get me out to go so what's going on because they could tell something was on right so i'm said you you want to know the truth and i go they go yeah i go i told them the fucking story of the the fucking girl showing her monkey big pussy i thought she was going to fucking win they said no i had to take the crown off the girl who i thought one who showed everybody

or snatch and put it on the guy's girlfriend who was the actual winner girl this girl's crying i'm getting beat up and thrown out I tell the cops that they put me back in my car and they give me a police escort all the way home that's probably one of the craziest shit ever because you were honest i just i just i well we're here the other day i mentioned the eddie bravo because i was out with eddie used to make me laugh man edie has always made me laugh but he has the same pride i grew up with two guys that i adored one was stinky because he was italian like if you saw him he was italian but once he had three drinks, his grandmother was American Indian.

And I had another friend that hung up with his name was Jimmy Berkel. The guy was the personality, like a great personality, great guy. But brother, when he drank, like he was really smart. But when he drank his eyebrow would go up and he would start smoking cigarettes and act differently. So we used to call him the Marquis dismal. side because he was crazy like whenever he drank you just go crazy but you know like I met Eddie a couple times we went out and there was three particular times it was one

night in Austin when you and me and Joe went out to do a show and then we went to fogo to Chow and you started drinking that Fogo the fucking Chow and then that night and he went to he forgot where he was staying at his hotel and he went to the Rhone Hotel so they chased you down the street and you fell and you slid on your knees and damn you remember that shit come on dog you used to have some good when you were single and I admire people who have a life and I admire people like anybody can hang out with people who are cool you know what I'm saying you know people like I'm going to here I go and I would take digs and no I like people who go out and make

something happen by themselves because that was always me right I knew how to fucking get an eight ball two joints and go to the neighbor bar by myself yeah next thing you know by myself all the time guys wanted to come out with me and I'm like okay you can come but you got to drive your own car because I'm not gonna drive you home right like you got a I mean I I go by my I would between 88 and 92 I went out by myself you know those were the and that's your best bet yeah as a single man you getting those clicks that were doing this Vegas that sucks I always believe to start a little neighborhood bar and if you

The neighborhood bar isn't good. Then you go to the big bar to meet more people. But nine of the ten, the neighborhood bond got everything you're looking for. Keep it simple. A little married chick. She's unhappy. Her husband just took the second job, but she's dying to do a line of coke. You got that bitch.

It's over. You got the blow job. Something. You know what I'm saying? Like Eddie always had the classic Eddie Bravo story is when he went to Germany with Rogan. Oh, yeah. And he fucking woke up in the middle of the night and realized he was late. Break it down, Eddie.

Man, that there's there's so much to that Germany story. Joe wrote a blog about it. It was so crazy. Joe wrote it because he was fucking mad at me. Oh, man. What year was this? This is like, he was smoking already. 2007, 2008.

I think it was the first time. It was the first time the UFC went to Germany. And it was Cologne, Germany. And, man, after the U.S. UFC, which is a Saturday night there, generally Sunday morning is the flight home. Right. And when we're overseas, I like, because we went to England a bunch of times and we would do this at England in England.

After the UFC, don't go to sleep. Party all night right until, you know, and then when you get on that plane the next morning, you pass out. Just sleep. For fucking 10 hours. Didn't you wake up you're in L.A.? It's the perfect system. Right.

It sucks being awake, you know, on a 10-hour flight. Oh, it's the worst. Dude, it's torture. So you want to stay up and party just so that you could just sleep through that flight. So I party all goddamn night. Joe didn't come out. But I went out. I don't know who the fuck I was with.

It was an insane night in Cologne, Germany. And I... They say Germany's amazing. I got back to the hotel probably seven. the morning or something. And our car, me and Joe's car, it was Joe's car, and I'm just like tagging along with Joe, you know what I mean?

It's his car. Right, right. It was picking us up like at 9. I get back at 7, right? I walk in to the hotel, and I'm a zombie. I'm completely out. I'm completely, I don't remember any of this. This is just, I must have been, because Joe saw me.

Joe saw me. He was in the lobby, and he's like, and I went up to my room. I tried to pack, I guess. You know, and I have a certain way of packing. I, you know, everyone's got a little system. Right. In my backpack, my laptop. Right.

And I got my toilet trees in my backpack. And in my, in my suitcase, got all my clothes and just basically all my clothes. Right. So I don't remember, I don't remember getting back to the hotel. I don't remember, I don't remember Joe saying we're leaving in two hours. I don't remember any of that. You just went hard. You know what I, when I,

what I remember, all I remember is it's black and it's like, and then my phone's going off, my phone's going off, and I wake up and I'm in the backseat of some car going like a, on the Autobahn, racing to the airport. And I don't know where the fuck I'm at. And I look at my phone and it says, Joe Rogan on it. And it said, actually, joie-wash. That's what it says.

It says, jahuash. And I'm like, and I answered it. And he said, where the fuck are you? You took my car. And I'm like, boom. And I hung up. And I'm like, and I asked the driver, I ask the driver, I go, where the fuck are we going? He turns back and goes, we're going to the airport.

I'm like, fuck. And then Joe calls again. I'm like, fuck. And I just send it to voice. I'm like, holy shit. And then I opened up my backpack. My one shoe is. in my backpack.

No laptop. Just one shoe in my bag. And then I open up the suitcase. And my laptop is in the fucking suitcase. So I feel like, oh my God, what the, where the fuck am I? Yeah, dude, I've had those nights. And then Joe called again and goes,

dude, you took my car. And I don't remember anything. So I must have just tried to pack like in a, in a zombie state. Yeah. I packed in a zombie state and I went out and that driver must have said Joe Rogan and I must have said yes

and he goes jump running and he just put me in the car and we drove away and then you know I don't remember any of that I came to life it's like the beginning of a movie like you know just black and then your phone and all of a sudden boom my eyes open you're like reality

Joe Rogan trying to call me I have no I have no red the last thing I remember I'm doing shots at some bar in Germany I don't remember getting home I don't remember going to the hotel, packing, and then getting in the car. I woke up in the backseat of some fucking car on the Autobahn, racing to the airport. So I get to the airport, right?

So Joe takes a taxi. He jumps in a taxi. And he is so mad at me at the airport. He would not talk to me. He didn't talk to me the whole time at the airport. Although the whole flight back, we're sitting next to each other like first class and he didn't say a word to me. He was mad probably for about a while. week and then he wrote a blog and then he realized okay you know it's over we should he should kind of like

you know laugh about it so then it became a joke to him but he was fucking furious dude but there's a blog somewhere on on the internet i don't know i don't know if it's got to still be up there but it's about that story you black i love trips and you're you know i was thinking about this i did a show of maz jabrani in washington dc when it was the uh accident it wasn't the accident of evil it was out. What was it before that? Arabian Knights. And I was so blessed to get in at the comedy store because she needed Middle Eastern comics. So I

kind of fudged the math and got in on it, right? So we were doing some tours. He took me to do a gig with him in Washington, D.C. in this giant theater and I got the open for him. And man, Mahjabrani puts on a show, dude. And his crowd is fun, dude. His

crowd is fun. So we go there and, you know, so it's in Washington, D.C. and, you You know, I'm a conspiracy theorist, so, you know, everybody's around talking politics, and I'm just like sown seeds of doubt, and I fucking love it, right? Well, there's this one blonde chick, and she just starts going in at me hard, in at me hard. And we're arguing the whole time. Boom, boom, boom, boom.

And then something happens, ends up drinking. I black out. I wake up in my hotel room. My clothes are ripped. Everything's in my fucking hotel room is smashed. My phone, my computer's broken, my suits are all ripped. And I go, what the fuck happened? We go, I don't know you fucking started making out with that blonde chick.

And then you guys took off and then that was the end of the fuck. I have no clue. I mean, I mean, blood on the wall. I don't fucking know what the fuck happened. You didn't find out if you had intercourse? I, I, I know. Dude, I knocked it out of the bottom. But you, when it doesn't remember, there have been a couple times where I blacked out and I didn't remember the night before.

But it was clear like you wake up and you're in a. Vegas hotel and you still got a condom on your dick. You know what I mean? And you're like, you did have sex, but you don't just because you don't remember, it feels like it really didn't happen. Like, it didn't happen. Like, if you don't remember it. It doesn't.

It doesn't because it feels like it never happened because you have no memories of it. I black, I had a blackout drunk when I worked with Vince Vaughn too one time. I fucking blacked out hard, dude. Where? When we did the, uh, uh, support the troop show. I did like five shots of Yeager before I went up and it just so I go so the show was I was it was just after 9-11 and uh you know Vince Vaughn's like hey come out and uh help us raise some money I'm like okay I'll do that that'll be fun so I it's in Dewey Beach Delaware and it's at this like

this like country music bar right and it's a big it's like not a huge venue but it's a pretty big venue and it was first come first serve right so the doors open at noon and the show's until 8. It is sold out at around 1210. It is packed and they are drinking all day dude. All fucking day, right?

So I'm like, fuck man. It's going to be crazy. So I go up well, Ahmed goes up and because it's after 9-11, you know, he's Arab. It's a hard set, you know. It's a hard set, dude. It's just like it's a, you're

walking into fucking murder at that point. did you know there's no she got no chance so then uh then i think i think they put sebastian up and then i went up and i was going well by starting getting heckled by this chick like it like it's just getting heckled and i threw out some stupid line like hey why don't you uh just leave and go fuck your cousin some stupid hick line well she was there with like 80 people and they turn hard dude and they boo to this day when i hear shana na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na nah nah nah hey goodbye still get chills is that what they started doing oh yeah they start singing that i'm like okay not today i tried every comedy store thing i had at that time

so i get off stage right the whole cast of the wedding crashers is upstairs right so i just bombed for the troops and i bombed in front of the fucking wedding crash people and they were like oh you did great all i could focus on is own wilson's nose and how fucking i was so drunk it was so fucking huge. It was so huge. You used to get fucked up, Sammy. I used to get fun. One night you got mad at me for something. Just one night out of

something. I thought you got mad at me about it. No, I think I went up on stage at that time, one of my favorite people in the world who still is, was my Armenian drug dealer. He would make me fucking out. And I said something when I brought you up. You were

drinking. Yeah, I was an asshole. No. And I was in the main room. No. And I was. wasn't even mad at you like that I didn't know you were drinking until after the situation went down I said keep me going and then I went on stage well I went up before you was talking about my Armenian drug dealer and you went up there took it really personal as I was walking out of the main room you're like fuck him I I don't remember and then I didn't like stay around to bait you because I had my own addiction yeah the last thing I want is to get

into a fist fight with Sam and the cops come and now he's not drinking and I'm not snorting. What a waste of time. I don't. I don't remember that. And if I did it, I'm super sure. No, no, no. I remember approaching you. I feel awful. I remember no, no, no, no. I remember saying it to you a couple days. Like, trips, what was your problem the other night? I was just a joke. My Armenian drug dealer is real. I love him, like my friend. And you were like, I didn't like the way you portrayed him or something. And then I left you alone. But the thing I've always loved about you, that is like, so juvenile, but so to a comic.

Like, as a comic, once you become a comedian, you get to a certain level of comedy, like eight, nine years, you start respecting people because of their comedy. Like, even if you don't like them, if they make you laugh. For sure. They make you laugh. For sure.

Get to politics and your self-righteousness and shove it up your mother's ass. At that time, you would always come up to me. You were a young kid. and you'd always come up to me and talk to me about Pablo. Pablo was your world. He was your mentor, and that was our connection. And I liked you.

I naturally liked you. But the night I fell in love with you. And you've been on your podcast, you've been on my podcast, and I just want to reiterate this to people. Like, at the time, I'm like, Sam's just a young kid, you know, I don't know whether I like him or not. Like I was at that point. I just know he's a regular at the store.

Right. So that has to make me love him as a comic. I have to love him. As a comic, he's one of my brothers at the comedy store, but he had a bit, as dumb as this sounds, about Asians eating ecstasy and going out and stuff like that. And I'll never forget going into it. This is why you have to understand

that there's a point in comedy where you have to love the people you're around on that stage. If not, you're not going to grow. Right. But I remember watching you, and we'll say this in public because it's no big deal. This has to be, Sam, this has to be 2003, right? Yeah. 2004.

And you were committing to this bit. And that's as crazy as the sound. That's when I learned about the word commitment. And then years later, I heard Rogan say it. And I put it all together that. Even if you're bombing with a joke, as long as you believe in that joke. Right. It's the people who go, let me tell you about Kennedy getting shot in the head.

And all of a sudden, meanwhile, it's not going, and they drop it. Right. With you, and I'm looking at you, and what you didn't see was that it was the 7 o'clock show. It's people my age. You know, like they were there on like a 50-and-over date night. Dude, I'm a crazy person. No, no, no, but you're doing 23-year-old material. Right.

Like, ecstasy and fucking. Right. And this Chinese guy. What was the joke about the Chinese guy? How Asians love ecstasy. And Asians love ecstasy. Because how smart they are, you know? Oh, my God.

Their visuals are like fucking Xbox with fucking dopey digital sound, right? The rest of us is like 8 bit. But me being, yeah, oh yeah, me being an old guy at the time, at that time I didn't do anything about ecstasy. And I kept watching and say it going on, look at this fucking lunatic. He doesn't know that his audience is 20 years older than he is. You know how you learned something?

Remember I asked you last night before? the show after the show at the ice house i said to you specifically what did you learn tonight because you always learned so when he walked off the stage he goes i did my a shit and they just stared at me but also he looked at the audience because there's no lights at the store yeah oh so you don't know who you perform it's the worst you looked at them and go yeah they're 55 they don't know anything about yeah they know about reefer and ted nougan and after that was when i found love me as a comedian i go because he didn't give up most comics were just giving up yeah you kept pushing the ecstasy and you were selling the fucking

asian aspect of it so that's i used that because you like that joke i used that as the showcase for for the set that i showcased the final showcase for mitsy so i got picked up doing that joke because duncan pulled me inside he goes i got you showcase this is how you get in with mitsy you do one joke about your uh ethnic group you do one joke about your uh either one of your parents and then you your favorite joke. So I'm like, okay, I'm going to do this bit about my mom being a power walker, being Armenian going to the beach, and then I'm going to do the Asian ecstasy bit because Joey likes that bit.

So that's the bit I'm going to do. And I got picked up. Where were the other two? I had Power Walkers. They're not. Tell me about it. It's just this whole thing about, I'm a power. No, you're a lazy runner.

That's what you are, right? That's what Paul. Oh, I remember that. I had this whole bit about that. And then I had a bit... What about your mom? That she was a power walk. Then I had a bit about when I go to the beach and just I'm so furry, man.

I take a shirt off. Baby start crying. Women in the corner puking. People call them the fucking SBCA right on me. And I have this whole bit I did on that. And who was your clique? You had a little click. Who did I?

Oh, Brett Ernst. Brett Ernst. Brett Ernst. Little younger than me. Maz Gibranie. Amazing. Yeah. Good crowd. Good crew.

Good crew. I love the comedy store, dude. I do too. I talk to Mars all the time. Yeah, for sure. For sure. It's funny. One of my funniest Eddie's stories was,

let me tell you how much I loved Eddie. Eddie called me one time to give me a message from Rogan, and I looked at the phone. This is how good I am with numbers. You motherfuckers and thinks I don't know numbers, I remembered his phone number from Visual. Wow. One night I dialed it, and he answered it.

But the thing was, I hid my cocaine use from Rogan. He knew about my cocaine use. I just wouldn't do it around him. Right. But when I'd see Eddie, I wouldn't give a Frenchman's fuck. Whatever Eddie told Rogan. So I would go to a bar called El Compadre

where you get the best Coke in town. Right. When I first met Eddie, and that's where Eddie would take his dates on Tuesday nights and Wednesday. So here I am seeking, like, running away from Rogan. Oh, so funny. I don't want Rogan to know I'm doing blow,

but here I am and I would do a line in the bathroom come out and go get a margarina and who's sitting in the corner with an arm around a chick with Eddie Bravo and I'm like, I'm all coked up but everybody was all coked up. You're right. So Eddie knew it. So I kept going back to the

El Compadre and I'd bump into Eddie and I'd bump into a lot of people but there was one night in particular this is like the height of my addiction like this is 2006 the longest yard came out already. Right. And there was no really success.

Everybody else was blowing up in the longest yard except for me. And I was doing heroin. I was doing everything. I'll never forget that I went down to the El Camadre. I copped a 40 package from the guitar player. And I got pills. Somebody had pills. And you do pills.

Take these. And I ate the pills. And who do I bump into but Eddie? But this is like, you know, I just watched, nothing happens on the couch. I don't care if you're a fat, ugly guy that women do not talk to you. And he's like your drug needle chips. If you stay at the house, nothing's ever going to happen for you.

Right. Like if you go out 300 nights, even if you're fat and ugly, you're going to bump into a victim. One of those nights and they're going to suck your dick. The odds are always with you. So with me, I was an ugly dude and I didn't have money. Coke is a great thing. I had the gift of gab and I had cocaine. Cocaine's a major closer.

Oh, for sure. The gift of gab brings you close to me. So now I got you, like, in a fucking, you know what I'm saying? Like, now I got you. But the cocaine, I'll just twist you up. And next thing you know is 69 in. And I'm looking at you going, oh, my God, this chick's at 10. And she's eating my balls.

Like, it was just crazy. But it was always, at that time, I was scared of Elcompatre. I lived on the street. I lived on in a car. And I lived in between Curzon and. And Gardner. And I'd see all the people walk out at El Campadre. It was crazy.

But I had one friend that would go to El Camadre. And she told me, dog, they got good Coke there. We got fucked up in there. So for years, I didn't go into El Campadre. So I started going to El Campadre, getting Coke, meeting people. So boom, when then I go in there after the store, and I'm fucking lit. I already had, like, a little bit of that chewy Coke. It wasn't good.

Yeah, what is that? When it sticks like that, you're like, Chewy Coke was good enough, but it didn't take you over the cocaine mountain. It's fast eddy Coke. You want to talk to people and talk shit about your career and all these shit. That's got pain thinner or some shit in it. So I would do the Chewy Coke, and if the Chewy Coke didn't have it, I'd make the investment and have somebody drop me off of the compadre.

I was home anyway. I was sleeping in somebody's apartment in that block anyway, whether it was Ralphie Mae, Celine, Sean Ralph, Doug Stanhope, I would find somebody to sleep. even though I was homeless. So by this time, I got a place, and I go in there one night, and I'm buying my little late-night package, and who's in there but Eddie Bravo.

And, again, nothing happens when you stay on the couch. I'm fucking star. I go to the thing, and there's a hot chick by herself. And, like, anybody in this table knows, especially Lee, I'll talk to anybody. We were at Morton's Steakhouse one night. On Coke, too. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This was recently. This had to be two years ago. I go, let's go. My wife is out of town. I go, let's go to Morton's steakhouse. Some woman passed by me, like, excuse me, lady. You're looking fucking tremendous tonight. She's like, oh, my God.

When she came back, she gave me a number. She had to be 80 years old. My point being that, you know, the gift of gas is the cocaine saw. I go out, compadre. Who do I bump into? But Eddie, at the same time, when I bump into Eddie, I'm talking to this chick. This has to be, let's pretend.

it was 15 years ago, maybe. Right. So I'm 40 years old. I'm broke. I'm living on Gavin's floor. God knows where the fuck I'm living. I go to a compagery. I get a $50 rock, which in those days was tremendous.

The guy would put like an extra little chunk in there for me. And I'd crush it up and I'd do a little blast. And I'm not there three minutes, but this girl comes out, you know, just moved to L.A. She does not know about L.A. and she starts talking me about tequila. You know, I love tequila and tequila and tequila and tequila and tequila. I don't know anything about tequila. I know quervo and silver.

I don't know that. She goes, have you ever eaten a worm? And in all this speech, she goes, one time I ate a worm and I suck the guy's dick for an hour. And I'm like, really? You know, when somebody tells you that type of information. Worms. You know, when somebody tells you that type of information when you just meet them, that's just, so I go, really?

And she goes, as a matter of fact, Whenever I drink tequila, I got to suck nerds. I love to suck dick. She didn't say it in that way. What's the common way to say, Philario? Filatio. What do you know? What's filetio is when you eat pussy?

No, filetia's when you get your dick sucked, right? It's about flobnob. She was very white, and she's telling me all this shit, and I have no money. Like, I have, like, $8, and she's telling me how. And I remember going up to the bartending, go, listen, Joey, whatever. It was Joey. I go, Joey, can you just put like $20 in tab and send us over four shots of tequila?

He goes, you got it. And I gave, like, I was like, salute. And there was 20 people on the patio. Salute. And then I'm like, saloo, and I'm eating pills. I think I got him from Sergio Love. I'm doing that guitar player Coke, which is cartel cocaine.

The cocaine there was brilliant. That's what Lindsay Lohan. All that mariachi music is all about drug dealing. That's who Lindsay Lohan was getting her blow. That's a good shit. So I'm in there fucking getting blasted. I don't know how I'm going to get home. I don't know what happens.

I'm talking to this chick and on the Coke. I said something to her about sucking my dick. And next thing you know, I black out and women, men are coming into the Elcompatri bathroom, pissing. And she's giving me a blowjob in the bathroom. And again, we walk out. And in those days, once you suck my dick, the conversation's over. There's no more cocktails. There's no more cocaine.

Hold on. I got a call. Hold on a friend of mine. Just let me go get my friend. Pee-o! And that's it. I wake up the next day. I take a shower.

I'm hung over on the tequila. I take my aspirins. And I'm trying to think about what happened the night before. Like, it's that deep of a blackout. Remember, I have an allergy to alcohol. Yeah, for sure. So after a certain amount of alcohol, I fucking pass out. So I'll never forget that the phone rings on my page.

It goes off. And it's Eddie. I call Eddie and he goes, well, hey man, I'm just worried about you. What happened to you last night? And I go, what happened to you? You know, one minute we're talking, and I explain it, you're gone. He goes, oh, you were talking to some hot chick. And I go, oh, shit, that's right.

That's right. I was talking that hot chick. He goes, what happened with that? I go, you know what, bro? That's when you know you're fucking blacked out. At the light, while I was on the phone with Eddie, it came to me that. The chick had sucked my dick. I go, Eddie, do you know I chick suck my dick last night?

He goes, where? You took a home? I go, no, I got no home. Right there in El Campadre. He goes, where? I go, on the bathroom. He goes, right out in the open. I go, no.

In the store. And then he asked me a $1,000 question. He goes, did you close the stall? I go, why would I close the stall? She was sucking my dick. If I was sucking her dick, I'd close the store because I'm conscientious. That's how crazy. El Compadre in those days, like that was just.

the craziest Hollywood stories I have. No, you have a great story about Dublin. Did I already tell this? No, no, but let me ask you this. Before we go any further, did we do that thing together where the people were fucking outside and we had to do stand-up comedy? Was that Jason Tebow, Duncan?

That must have been somebody else. You didn't organize that? No, I've done shows where people are fucking. We did the show up in the hills where they gave it was $1,500 flat, and it was the people from what was the guy that was showing women had tits? You went to a bar? Oh, Girls Come Wals? gone wild. So it was like these

Armenian, fucking Arab guys that came to the store, and they picked up like five or six comics. The other day, we're trying to put it together. Jason Tebow was one of the headliners. They gave you a bag of joints, they put you in a trailer, and then people were going to fuck around the pool, and you were going

to go up on stage and do jokes. Eddie, disgusting. Eddie, disgusting. Because it's never people you want to actually watch fuck, right? No, no, no. It was disgusting. But I still remember this one husband came, yoked up on steroids, looking at Mad Dog and everybody,

he's like, my wife is here. And his wife was maybe like a six. You know what I'm saying? She was a filthy fucking animal. Like when she took her sandals off, she had dirt on her feet. I'll never forget that she got on top of the diving board. And people were just fucking her.

And he would just stand there. Like, look how good a piece of ass my wife is. Like, it was just totally disgusting. And we got there at one in the afternoon. And we had to sit there. through this like I'm a pig guys I'm a pig when I tell you that I was like disgusted

there was a pool people were fucking by the pool that they had where you change where you put your towel on and change like the pool thing I went in there at one point and there was people fucking everywhere and people were taping this and then we had to wait for it to get

dark for the comedy to start oh so we got there at one were they shooting porn or were they just what they were going to shoot was five comedians with sex around you and they were going to sell it. This is way before the internet guys. It had to be 2001, 2002. Somebody found it online. The guys lost their ass. Oh yeah. Girls Gone Wild? No, no, no, no. These were guys that were like Girls Gone Wild that had an

idea and their big plan was. Ladies gone crazy? Yeah, what their big plan was to they were going to rent TV, on Thanksgiving night and just push the ad all night. Order now when you'll see comedians and girls having sex and blah blah blah blah blah. Bro, they invested so much money. Wow.

Like they told us what they invested. Part of the deal for me was like $1,500 and like a bag of joints. Would they let you jump in? No, you didn't want to jump in. Trust me. There was, and then they hired like... It's like nudists.

Nudus are never anybody you want to see naked. It's almost like a warning. It's a warning. They hired female models that were extras, good-looking ones, and they didn't know where they were going to. So because they thought they were going to a model event, they got there to see all these ugly women getting fucked by different men and gangbanging and shit,

and some of them started leaving angry and crying and shit. That was just disgusting. And I used to remember being on stage and getting heckled. And me telling the girl, go fuck yourself. you wouldn't be here and then she got really pissed and every time I'd walk past she'd give me the finger the rest of the night fuck you you fucking loser

and finally I cried to call like a whore or something fuck you you whore you wouldn't be a fucking whore if you weren't here it I remember going back on stage and just going off on it you weren't part of that no I think it was me Duncan Trussell who's a sweetheart of the hand one of the best one of the best they hired like five

of the wrong fucking comics for that fucking shit dude that thing was doomed even before they decided comics. You feel so, you know, like I bumped into it like three or four months later at the store. They came up to like looking for like 500 back. Like they had their heads down. And then you're not going to believe what happened. We advertised.

We only sold 136 units. We took a bath. We got to pay our family back now. The money we borrowed from them. It was embarrassing. It's a crazy idea, dude. I mean, that's a sometimes people just because they have money, I've learned this, just because you have,

it doesn't mean you're smart you know what i'm saying like there's some people got cash to just make horrible horrible business decisions well out here especially i've seen that that what is that investment when you're not guaranteed the investment back it's called something there's people that just do that it's got a high return but it's like but if you lose the money you lose it like once you give it away so people will give away a half a million and 500 thousands in 50 thousands they'll invest a half a million and the 50,000s with the hope that one of those 50,000 will give them a high yield interest and cover their losses and they can make extra money. There's something that it's called. I'm not an economist anymore.

That's back of the days. I've done shows where people are having sex. We used to do naughty shows in swingers clubs. And we went to the world famous green door in Las Vegas. I remember that. Yeah. So we were supposed to do another casino and they had a freak out. They're like, no, we don't want porn stars.

It was just a weird, it was a weird time in Vegas, right? So I have this huge show put together. I had a guy from CSI wanted to do the show. He wanted to do some funny, stupid skit about, like, DNA on the girls. Because we had porn stars and it'd be like, find out who was a murder through the DNA. But so I call around and I remember my buddy had did a show, had did the show at the green door. And I'm like, would they want to do comedy?

Called the guy. boom done we sell like 300 tickets in like honestly a half an hour that's how quickly the show so that because it was part of abm weekend and all that shit so we go there and uh so this guy the swingers man like here's what i've learned about super rich people they're all cucks they all bang each other's girlfriend wives it's just like they just get bored and they all just fuck each other right so this swinger this guy ran the swing club knew a all the all the ballers in Vegas and he got us the fattest sweet I've ever seen in my life for you for for yeah me Jason Tebow and I think uh one uh one of the big porn stars that you know she was gonna stay with

us too what was her what's the girl that you're friends with that I love Tara Patrick Tara Patrick I love she dude one of the most beautiful people you've ever seen your life so we go to this hotel it's at the Paris it's up and we get our keys are like wow it's really high so we go up and it's the last floor man we're like holy shit shit and we walked down we're like where is it dude we get double doors man open the double doors it's like half

the top floor of like the Paris it was the biggest hotel room I've ever stayed in my life and it was ours for the whole weekend for doing the show at the green door we go to a green door we do the show it's a huge smash afterwards and while I'm doing stand-up

people are just fucking all over the place and I've learned from strip clubs that basically what Swingers clubs are are just where black guys with dreads go to bang polar bears. That's what happened. Just big. What's a polar bat? A big fat white chick?

A polar bear? That's what just you see these guys with dreads just fucking crushing these very large ones. Now, these swingers clubs, because I'm not, I'm not hip to this shit. You never what? You never done any of that? You never done to the Swirs Club? What was the famous one in New York? I was taking, take in that story.

I'm sorry. I was taken one night in one of my. my drunk cocaine stupors, I met somebody out and they said, let's go to that club. And I walked in with him, and I think I lasted eight minutes because my Catholic, uh, whatever just got in the way. Like there was just people fucking, I didn't like, I didn't like the concept of, I walk in here with my girlfriend or my wife. That's the concept I didn't like.

I don't mind if you got a Kumad on the side of some 20 year old fucking chick that you and her. but like the people next to me it was their wives and the two guys like your wife sucks a great dick and your wife has a tired asshole some dudes are into that it's uh that's the part i'm not that confident about so i didn't like that shit then once i was taken to the 1040 club

and that was a horrible experience as a child like 16 where it was ten dollars it was nine ninety nine to get your dick suck what but it was ten dollars and forty That's like Groupon prices. Yeah, it was $10.40 plus tax. So it was $9.99. You had to pay tax on a blowjob. So it was $10.40.

So you paid the $10.40. They gave you a ticket stub, and you walked in the back. And it was like 100 guys to have it. And then what they did was they set up a bar. They had different bars in there. So you're just drinking there. Like drinking, like me and Eddie. And then like a red light would go off.

And the door would open up. and they'd push a bunch of girls like young hookers from other countries and you had to fucking grab them and then to go back into the area you had to give the ticket to the guy and they would take you into the back and it was basically cubicles

just cubicles with a sink like a prison bathroom and you opened the curtain and you went in there and she pulled out a bucket and she put hot water in the bucket and she had a sponge then she took your dick out and she washed your dick

And she washed your balls. What city was this saying? This is the only city that's fucking, the city that don't sleep, New York City. This is 19, this was 1981. I went there for a birthday party. It was Pablo Pedro. I forget he's dead now. God rest is so.

I knew him and his brother, and they had a, the family had a candy company. So at night he would take, they had trucks that delivered like Hershey bars and Milky Way's. That's what the family did, Obrugans. Then his name was Pedro Orbergine, and he loved hookah houses. So we were drinking one night, and they said, let's go into the city, and I got in the car with them. And I'm like, we're going to a 1040 club. And I was Catholic. My mother had just died.

Yeah. I didn't know about this shit. This place is fun. Let's go in there. And that was it, $10.40. How's a $10 blow job? Let me tell you something. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.

because you grabbed it, like the chick I grabbed, I didn't even know. Like, I was there for a half hour just drinking because it was like dollar drinks. But the room would smell like cologne. Like, you know all those guys that they tell you how much they get laid? It was those guys.

Oh, yeah. It was all those type of guys like, bro, when I go on women, I got to beat them off me. You're lying. They were all in there with their cologne on, talking like they were businessmen. And you got to grab these chicks. It looks like they've been crying all night.

Of course. The guy who give a $10 blow job. Who wants that? It's a fucking horror show. But they upgrade you in the back. So while they're washing your balls and stuff, no condom, they suck your dick. It was 1970, 1979, 1980, 81. No condoms.

They blow you, and then they'd upgrade you. So for an extra $10, it was an around the world. I'll never forget. I'm telling me an around the world. And I'm like, what's in the around the world? She's like, that's when I suck your dick. And I lick your balls and you fuck me. And I was like, all right, let's do you around the world.

And then she took her stockings off and her shirt. And it was just, I was horrified. I was 17. You know, I really were. They were just fucking beaten up. They had just been beaten up. Like, she turned around and her pussy lips were hanging. Oh, that's.

Like, I wanted love. Like, I was looking to be loved, Eddie. Is there nothing more wrong than that? You were looking for a pretty woman for $10. Yeah, like for $10. But then she put the. I don't know, she put the condom on me. She got on top of me first.

And it was like a metal bed, like a detention bed. And you could hear 20 people fucking at once. Oh, oh. It was all around. It was just wide open. And I'll never forget her rubbing against me. And me closing minds going, how many diseases am I going to get? And in the middle of all that, she stopped.

And she goes, you know, for an extra five, you could eat my pussy. and I just fucking watch when they have you in a mount I hip bumped her and she flew off bro and I put my and I walked out of it I walked the 40 seconds she took the bus home that was like one of the lowest levels

of my life oh for sure I got a low level story like that too really the old this is the only time I ever had sex with the girl and didn't want to finish just pulled up my pants and got the fuck out

Let me tell you the story. I was single between 2000 and 2010. I went 10 years. I strategically stayed away from relationships. I started doing seminars, teaching Jiu-Jitsu. And before I had... 2000 or 2010? 2000-20-10.

I was single as fun. You just had a bunch of different women. I just having fun, man. Dayton, just getting crazy. And that's when 10th Planet was born. And before I had any affiliates, There was this one school in Tennessee. One school that would have me out, like every other month, they would have me out.

And I didn't have any affiliates. I just had one school. I didn't even have a school. I was, you know, the beginning of 10th planet was me teaching out of some dirty-ass boxing gym in West Hollywood, across street from that old Trader Joe's. Right. Bomb squad. Bomb squad.

Bomb squad was. I tapped Keene Ivory Wayne's there. Exactly. He went there. He was old school. I knew Sam before 10th. I got Scott into, that's how I got Scott into. I knew both you guys before.

10th Planet was like and a thought. Really? Yeah. Yeah. 10th Planet. I knew you guys, 2001, 2002, and 2003 was the beginning of 10th Planet. But anyways, right there, 2003, 2004. I'm going to this city and this.

I'd never been to a city like that before in my life. I just started traveling. And it's one of those cities where you fly into Atlanta and then Atlanta, you take a little prop plane to this one little, small little town in Tennessee. This guy was flying me up. What's a city called? Bristol, Tennessee. Bristol, Tennessee.

Bristol. Tri-Cities. So I went there a lot and when I'd go there, I'd stay the whole weekend. I would just, so, I was tripped out that anybody would even fly me out for a seminar. Right. And the guy that would fly me out, his name was D. Smith. And he was like, the coolest fucking guy ever. He just had me out every other week.

And, you know, he was really in the rubber guard and all that, the twister and all that shit. So, and when I'd go out, there was one club in this small. small little town one club on a Saturday night called state line and it had the college kids uh third people in their 30s and 40s and their 50s and 60s everybody was in this goddamn club that one motherfucking club and um and you know i was out there looking you know for uh female companionship you know what i'm saying like i'm like this is my last night i leave tomorrow you know and uh we went out to this club that club state line I mean, you can even call it a club.

It was like a bar. But there wasn't really any success going on there. And I forget his name, but this one guy said, hey, man, we can go to Johnson City. There's a bigger club. So Johnson City was like a step up from this small little town that had like 15,000 people population, small little town in the boonies of Tennessee. So I thought, fuck it, you know.

I don't even got nothing else to do it. He goes, dude, I'll drive you. We'll go to Johnson City. there's this badass club. I'm like, let's go. So we drove about an hour to Johnson City, and we get in. It's a horrible club.

I mean, it is a step above the bar we were just at, but it was horrible. And he says, I know this girl up on stage, and there's this girl. She looked like, she was, she was drunk as fuck. She looked like Huckleberry Finn's great niece. You know, she just fucked up teeth and just,

she was skinny, she had her pants unzipped and she was dancing on this stage it wasn't a strip club but she she thought it was and everybody's like dancing dirty on her and he goes you can fuck her if you want i'm like oh how do you know it goes dude i could fuck her anytime i want i'm like holy and and this dude didn't have any teeth either no kidding uh nice guy but i was like fuck oh she and i and I was like, no, thank you. Let's get the fuck out of here. You know it's bad when you.

The story's not over yet. I was like, I thought about it. I was on the fence, man. I was a little drunk and I'm like, we're in Tennessee. You know what I mean? You kind of drop your standards when you, when you're like, fuck. Now I just looked at her up on stage and dudes were all like all over,

or dancing and dirty. And she literally had her pants zip down trying to be sexy, buttoned open and dancing on the stage. And I said, fuck it. Let's just get the fuck out of her. And goes, you sure, man? You sure? You can get that one.

I'm like, I'm sure. Let's get the fuck out of here, right? So we go to the parking lot. We get in the car. We're trying to get out of this parking lot. And here she comes. As we're driving out, she's just like stumbling. She's got to be like, I don't know, early 20s.

And she's stumbling out of the club. She's perfect timing. He goes, last chance. You sure? We take her to my house right now. I'm like, fuck. I said, all right, fuck it. Let's get, let's just do it.

So he grabbed her, throws her in the car. We go back to his house, like his mom's house. We go in the basement. He's got a big screen in the basement. And it's just us, just us three watching TV just for like a second. I'm like, you know what? And he gets up and he walks away and gives me a little wink and goes, go for it. I'm like, and she's just like sitting there just not even talking.

And I thought, okay. So we started making out a little bit. And it's fucking gross, dude. pulled down her pants and put on a condom. I'm like, there's no way I'm fucking this chick without a condom. Put on a condom. I put it in and she's just looking like she's dead. Yeah.

She's got this dead look on her. Yeah. And I took a couple pumps and I just looked at her and I thought, fuck this shit. It's so not worth it. I was afraid to come. I pulled out, fucking snap that rubber off through it against the fucking floor. And I went upstairs and told the guy, let's get the fuck out of here. He goes, what happened?

Did you fuck? like not really do let's just get the fuck out of here so he drove me back and and that was the he's probably still that was the only that was the only time i ever stopped in the middle of sex and just i was afraid to have an orgasm i just wanted to get the fuck you imagine you're kidding the shit oh me better let me go take a piss real quick oh shit was that too gnarly of a story I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart some somebody twice as smart as I'm a somebody who's somebody who will swear to be true as I'm a somebody who will swear to be true as you used to do with me

will leave you to learn that misery loves company wait and see see how he does it when he breaks your heart two bits if a puzzle fits so fine and that's when I'll discover

that revenge is sweet as I sit there applauding from a front row seat when somebody breaks your heart like you back you bad motherfuckers uncle joe here no no do your thing go ahead go show you yeah yeah we're back here just a little cross you know just a little listen the thing I love about podcasting is every every fucking episode is something different I couldn't stick to the same fucking episode every episode. So we try to switch it up from time to time. We got great guests this week.

Don't worry about none. We're always here changing fucking lives. You understand me? Don't forget this Friday and Saturday. I'm in Philly and D.C. they're sold out. But if you can finagle, you'll weigh in there. Get in there. And then there's tickets still available for Foxwoods. Foxwoods on the 29th or the 28th. 29th of September. There's still tickets.

Wilbur D. is sold out. West Palm. I'll be down there and shit. Get your shit together, motherfuckers. This is my only Florida appearance. So Tampa, Miami, for a lot of they'll get your roller skates and get that cocaine ready.

You're going up to 95 on fucking roller skates with a cape on. That's so crazy how your whole dream started down there on that in that little boxing gym, like your vision. You know what I'm saying? I had no idea I would be able to

get other people to want to be part of the 10th Planet Association. I had no clue. I was just happy that I had a, you know, a group of 30, 40 guys that were. Yeah. I mean, to have more affiliates, it's just, it wasn't even a thought. I remember George Zerjell back then, back when he was fighting the UFC, and then you hear he had 12 schools. I thought, what the fuck?

Is he a multi-millionaire or what he had 12 fucking schools? I couldn't believe it. I never thought I'd even have two. And then, you know, a couple people asked, you know, how do we get affiliated with you? And I thought, why would you want to get affiliated with me? I'm just some fucking Mexican who, you got all these legendary Brazilians all around. Why would you want to learn jiu-jitsu from a Mexican? I thought you went to fuck.

I thought you went to take a look for Owen Benjamin. I thought you wanted to yell and Benjamin fucking twist and shit No dude I just took it down How old were you when you got into conspiracy theories And what was the first I've always been? What was the first conspiracy that you

Are you on the mark? I am on the mark What was the first conspiracy That you thought about How old were you? I remember when the Iron Sheik And Hacksaw Jim Duggan Got Bussing the car together

And I was like hey dude These motherfuckers aren't supposed to like each other And boom I'm like Oh that's it's all bullshit And that kind of, my dad's always raised me to be a paranoid person. You know, he said, don't believe anything you see and half what you. Don't believe anything you hear and half what you see. Your dad's an immigrant.

My dad, no, he's like second generation. Okay, so he was raised here. Yeah, but he's an old Italian and he's like, you know, he just like, he'd be like, you know, if someone disrespects you, you got to scorch your earth with them, just, you know, just wonderful advice they gave me all the time. And it was just like, so I always questioned. everything always always never believed that when was the first time you got into conspiracies any problem when I found out everybody wasn't Catholic it's okay it happens

yeah I thought everybody was Catholic you know I grew up in a neighborhood where everybody was Catholic we had a neighborhood church our lady of Pilar right there on 6th Street in Santa Ana all you know when you watch TV all the Catholic holidays coincided with what you saw in different strokes you know they would have Christmas specials and Easter specials and Halloween specials. I thought everybody was Catholic, but then once I think I was 11, once I found out that there was a whole shitload of Jews and Muslims and Hindus. I thought, wait a minute. Who's right here? How come they're saying that if you don't believe their shit, you're going to hell? And they're saying, if you don't believe their shit,

you're going to hell. But we're saying that too. And then at that point, I thought, oh, okay, everybody's full of shit. So I just became an atheist right there. I didn't believe in anything. I thought, these motherfuckers are also, anything that anything to do with religion from the time I was 11, 12, 13, I was like, you guys are just full of shit. Because how do you, how could, you know, there's more, I think there's, you know, isn't there more Muslims than Christians? Yeah. I mean, isn't, I don't know, something like that, right? Or even if it's like even, that's still a lot of people that don't believe in Christ.

So that was really when I started doubting what the mainstream was given. And then in 1985, when I was 15 on 2020, they did a special report on heavy metal music. And it was based on the PMRC. And they were talking about, you know, if your kids are listening to Twisted Sister or Dio, they're probably Satanist. And I was balls deep in the Slayer. And I thought, what are you talking about? Twisted Sister. I'm 15.

I'm like, these motherfuckers supposed to know everything. You're holding up the wrong albums. Judas Priest. Jesus, peace, Saintanic, you need to hold up creator and destruction and Sodom. Like I was into the bands that were straight up talking about Satanism because like, Dio, you know, or like you'd listen to like Motley crew, maybe there's some backward, masking shit on Led Zeppelin or something like that. But Slayer was writing straight out.

There was no subliminal messages. There wasn't any backward messages that were telling you that we're going to, you know, Every song was about killing babies and demons rising from hell and sacrificing priests and fucking corpses and sending their souls to hell. You know, and all of a sudden I'm watching 2020 and they're talking about fucking Motley crew and Judas Priest being satanic. The kids were like, those motherfuckers aren't satanic. You know what I mean? So these kids were listening to music backwards. Remember that they got taken to court, Judas Priest because the kid killed them.

as a kid who is balls deep into music like that. I was like, dude, you guys are going after the wrong bands. You're not going. Why don't you going after King Diamond? His album covers are straight satanic. He's telling you he's satanic, but they were ignoring all the bands that were balls deep into Satan. Then they were going after bands that had nothing to do with Satan. So what do you think?

What do you think? Then why were they doing that? So I thought, okay, so I can't trust none of this shit. These guys have it all. wrong and that just got the ball rolling and then the first and then i was in speed metal bands in my teens playing drums and you know i was in a bank called resistance and we were conspiracy theorists but we didn't know shit there was no internet all i knew is i couldn't trust anybody and we were writing songs about you know anti-government songs and nuclear war songs and the typical shit that uh

hardcore metal bands were writing about it was all anti-establishment but we didn't know what the fuck we were talking about but we didn't know what the fuck we were talking about but we just knew we couldn't trust anybody we just knew that and then i got to ask you both the question real quick yeah uh i i always you know looking back at it even while i was living it i thought even when my mind was in a dark place and i would listen to black sabbath i knew that it was uh for some reason i knew it was a uh a marketing something about it yeah there is so because i would hear them singing but as he would wear a cross so right off black Sabbath, they were a band that you can go after them.

You go after them. If 2020 went after Black Sabbath, they did, they did, they had, you know, upside on crosses and they were, they were, they were, master reality. A satanic, they were satanic light. Light. But they were nothing compared to the German thrash metal scene, Sodom and destruction and creator and slayer and all that shit, Bathory, King Diamond. And they were, every song was about Satan and worshiping Satan, you know.

So to go after Dio and Judas Priest and Motley crew and that shit, that made me really lose any kind of fucking faith. Do you think they went after those bands because they had investments in those bands? Is that why they went after? I don't know what the real motives were. Now, now looking back, I'm like, maybe they were pushing it. You know what I mean? Maybe they were by pretending that they were against it, they were really pushing it and were trying to corrupt the youth.

I mean, if you take it look at something like the Grateful Dead, the CIA's fingerprints are all over them, man. Yeah. They were the house band for the guys that made all the acid for the CIA. And we're basically where the Grateful Dead went and played, that's where acid would spread. Yeah, and they would let Slayer get away with anything they wanted. Slayer had a song called, it's one of their biggest songs ever called, Angel of death and it's all about Killing Jews and ovens.

You know, I mean, the opening line is Auschwitz, the meaning of pain the way that I want you to die. Slow death, immense decay, something that cleanses of your life or whatever. But no one ever touched their. They never touched them. No one ever bothered them. And a song after, that was a fucking song about frying Jews. in ovens and

and no one said shit angel of death no one said anything they just let it go you know it's always I wonder why it's like they wanted it to get through it was 87 I was on the run from the cops were looking for me in Aspen

and I went to Boulder and I worked out a job in a carwise like Rambo would if the cops were looking for them and all the kids I worked at all had long hair and at this time I was I was just, I was into cocaine guys. I wasn't into bands anymore. I didn't read cream or Rolling Stone,

but they were talking about Slare. This is the shit, you know, and I'm deep into Sabbath still. And I remember listening to it going, no, this is not going to work in my fucking world at all this spooky shit. And I just didn't even know, but it was satanic until you just said nothing.

And it's super fast. Oh, yeah, super fast. Yeah, super fast. Yeah, it's like, uh, I just missed it all. It was like a chunk of my life. It was like a life black. Oh, I dove in fucking head first.

My first introduction of speed metal was a band from Canada called Exciter. And at that point, I was 13, 14, and I would buy, I wanted to buy, I was going after bands, the most obscure bands. I wanted to discover bands. And I wanted to get a band that no, an album that no one else had that was amazing, that had an amazing. that had an amazing cover. It had to have a fucking satanic, sick ass cover. So I'm out looking to discover bands, and I read in Circus Magazine a little tiny review on Exciter,

the album, Heavy Metal Maniac. And it was a great review. And they said super ultra heavy. And I thought, wow, it just, the album cover blew me away. The review enticed me. So I went out, I bought the record.

I didn't find heavy metal maniac, but they had another album called Violence and Force. And the album cover was awesome. So I bought that. I drove to Music Plus on my bike. Bought the album, got home, listened to it, and I fucking hated it. It was Speed Metal.

I never heard Speed Metal before. It was super fast. It was like punk. It was weird. It was horrible. I thought, fuck, what a... I'm going to take this album back. First thing in the morning,

I'm going to take it back. Because if I didn't like an album, I take it back. get my money back you're right I was too poor so that was six 99 all right so the next morning I plan on I'm gonna take this fucking garbage back but the next day I thought okay let me give it one more chance so I listened to it again and for some reason it just clicked and I just fell in love with it and then from that point on I got into Slayer and just you know Metallica then it got deeper and deeper into the German thrash metal scene that only lasted

really, then I started playing, making music like that, started playing drums and speed metal bands like that and writing satanic lyrics and nuclear war lyrics and all that shit. I did that, but by the time I was 18 and 19, I got burnt out on it. And then I started slowly getting into hip hop and more nine inch nails vibe. And then I got sick of speed metal and just left the whole thing and just started doing, moved to Hollywood, left the speed metal and formed a band. called Black and Kill Symphony that was dark, heavy,

with a lot of synth like Nine and Shale's and the Cure in Depeche Mode, but had hip-hop and feel, and I had a rapper. My best friend, you know, we moved to Hollywood together. His name is James Watson. He was the rapper. He was the guitar player in my speed metal band, black guy who played guitar in resistance. Name James Watson is my best friend.

We moved to Hollywood and said, fuck, Speedman. I said, fuck, drums. So I killed the drums, start a play. playing guitar and we formed Black and Kill Symphony right when we got to Hollywood and he started playing. No, he became the rapper and then he would play guitar every now and then. But, um, metal was a weird shit, dude. And when Slayer came out, I never got into it. But I was always into like Metallica. That whole thing. I love. That's close. Slayer's harder. It's harder and faster. Harder and faster, way faster. Yeah. Way faster. ACDC. I love that shit. Metallica would have

about Motown though that was my shit let me ask you a question because today Roberto clement they would have been 83 years wow greatest athletes of all time just did more for anybody what the fuck was the bermita triangle i don't want to hear about fucking slayer guys and fucking metallica i want to know conspiracy theories uh what the fuck was the i never really got into the bremere it could be a vortex dude i think they've solved it but yeah it's just like it's a vortex probably uh it's just kind of got weird energy and shit just happens when you go into it. But it's also like...

What kind of fucking conspiracy theories are you that you didn't get into fucking the Bermita triangle? Even me, I'm not a conspiracy guy. And I even had to do some search. Well, tell me about it. I mean, like, I just feel like... It was just this bad luck place. Yeah, that's what I was about to say. Just a bunch of bad luck.

They had this fucking diamond there. And that's where Roberto Clemente's plane went down. They recovered parts of the plane, but they never recovered the body. There were just so many things that would go on when I was growing up in the, you know, in the Barmena Triangle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was a big thing. It's almost like John Mullaney's bit about how, you know, when he was a kid, he thought

Quicksand would be a much bigger problem in his life, you know? Now, like, you never see Quicksand. Where was quicksand? Where did you find Quicksand? In the jungle, right? When I was a kid, it was everywhere. Yeah, you're like, fuck Quicksand's coming, dude. Everybody was getting caught in Quicksand in Holland.

He's like three black guys, like, we can't go because they got caught in Quicksand and shit. Yeah. I just never. understood a lot of quicksand the bermuda triangle you always thought man we can't fly through that one like the same conspiracy theorist i got into and i gave up after a while was kennedy was what kennedy yeah why did you give up on it because it doesn't take a genius to know our government had something to do with it oh perfect yeah so once that's like the government already decided that it was a conspiracy and no one talks about it so it's not even a it shouldn't even be a debate anymore

in 1977 the house committee on assassinations They reviewed after like, you know, 14 years or whatever. They opened, they reopened up the investigation on his murder and they decided, the government decided yes. In 1977, yes, there was a conspiracy. It was more than just one person. There were other people involved. And then that's it.

Then they just put a halt to it. They said, yes, there was other people involved. Because really it was, the debate is, was Lee Harvey Oswald a lone nut assassin? Or were there more people involved? That's all it was. It was just, was there a bunch of people or was it one person? Our own government already came to the conclusion.

Right. So it shouldn't even be a debate. The fact that it's a debate is crazy because it shouldn't be a debate. There are people that think one bullet did it. It's unbelievable. Our own government already decided that it was more people. And then Trump declassified all this crazy shit

that basically put George Bush there in Dallas that day, which is kind of interesting. Yeah. And then you look at George Bush, like he's such a gangster motherfucker dude his family is very close with the Hinklies because they're all old oil money

out of Texas so the Hinklies and the Bush is a friend who takes a shot at Reagan boom Hinkley what would have happened if Reagan would have died George Singer becomes president that guy's Ruth he was the former head

of the CIA who became vice president and his dad Prescott Bush helped form the CIA. His dad is super powerful. Prescott Bush, he was involved in funding the Nazis through Union Bank. Prescott Bush, George Singer's dad. And his dad, Samuel Bush, was the right-hand man of Frank Rockefeller.

The Bushes and the Rockefellers are, their balls deep. That's like super CFR, just Illuminati type shit. They're running shit. The bushes, are you kidding? Oh, yeah. Those are the, dude, the Bush is based. Gangsters of human history the Bushes and somewhat declines basically wiped out the Kennedy Family dynasty remember they were like the top political family like in the country

Yeah not even close anymore wiped them out now it's bushes and and the Clint's so while so while George senior was the vice president under Reagan no Reagan we went through the iran contra scandal right And that was about running drugs and guns to support the Sandinistas and like, you know, all that shit in the, in, uh, in, in Chicago. Yeah, in Central America, all that shit. And what was going on was that the CIA was bringing in Coke through Mina, Arkansas. They were dropping it off. That was the drop off point. Mina, Arkansas, who in the 80s, Bill Clinton is the governor of Arkansas who had, who, who,

had to allow this shit. So while Bill Clinton was the governor of Arkansas, that's when all the Coke was coming in through Arkansas, and Bill was like he was allowing it. And then he becomes the president after George Senior. Right. So George Senior is basically Bill Clinton's boss during the whole Iran-Contra thing. And then coincidentally, Bill Clinton,

And it becomes the next president. Yeah. They hooked them up because he hooked them up. Yeah. So when you see George Sr. and Bill Clinton on stage debating, like in their presidential debates, like talking about sending jobs overseas and raising taxes or cutting taxes and all that bullshit, they're really partners and crime. For sure.

They're like, you got this. They tagged them off. There's no D's in ours. It's crazy gangster shit going on. I don't forget the day I first spoke to you about Mina, Arkansas. We had that talk. Well, here's the thing that pisses me off about this. Now, if you watch Narcos, if you watch Netflix, they have six or seven shows describing to you the explosion of cocaine of the mid-70s to the mid-80s.

And you look at something like that. You know, Lee doesn't know what the fuck I'm talking about. doesn't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I needed this Eddie in a way because I saw what you guys are reading. I saw cocaine was very recreational. It wasn't around. It was acid and refra. And all of a sudden, it just, by 81, it just took off.

Now, at this time, if you read the chronicles and shit, the government finds out about cocaine. Right. But what the government really found out was about the money that they were making with cocaine. And at the end of the day, we don't care if you're doing coke and selling it, but what, nothing comes over here for the mouse. Nothing comes here for the mouse. I remember being a cocaine addict. In 81, 82, 83, you could buy cocaine for 100 a gram to 80 to 250 in April. And 85, that all changed.

Once the government got involved in the month. Now, I'm living through this. Yeah. I'm living through this. And I'm hearing constant all of a sudden from, from 76 to 82, if he did a line of cocaine, guys, it was like tasting cake for the first time. The good chip, right? And you went, and it would go down and the back of your throat would get numb. And it tasted kind of pinky and your nose.

would get kind of numb and you didn't get high you didn't get that you got high that your eyes kind of got red and they would play tricks on you and after like two or three or four lines that's when you would get this elevation of high well that high changed over the years you know they told you that they'd said that how they really got to the cartel was the problem that we had created was that to make cocaine the final wash to make that to make cocaine the final wash to make make it taste good as ether. Their alcohol is what makes cocaine taste. That's why if I smell anything with ether, it illuminates me.

It's cocaine. It's cocaine. Yeah. Ether alcohol is cocaine. So there was a time where the roughest thing wasn't getting cocaine out of Columbia. It was getting ether into Columbia, the product, to wash. That's what it's called, to wash the final cocaine. Once they couldn't get the ether in,

They started using fucking gasoline and turpentine. And you could taste it in the Coke. Oh, yeah. That Coke became crack. People started saying, we can't sell that. Like, I remember snorting Coke that smelled like catbiss. Oh, my God. And that you would have headaches for three days.

The Coke was astonishing. It was like 99% pure. You would put a dot on your tongue and your head would be fucking numb. Oh, he couldn't even talk. Making business ideas? But it would burn the bottle. them of your nose. And that became crack.

People started taking that Coke and going, fuck it. We're not going to sell it. Just burn it down into the lowest thing. You know how they made crack in those days? It was horrible. Like I ran. I knew these guys in the early 80s that were already making because it was free base at first.

Right. And freebase was for the rich and famous. To freebase cocaine? Oh, my God. To snort cocaine was one thing. But the freebase. Basin, that was Balushi, that

was Robin Williams. Yeah, that fuck you money. That's fuck you money because, bro, a little rock just shrinks on you. You got to have a guy there cooking it with a silk fucking scarf or socks that are made from silk. So for every gram you

use, you only get eight tenths back. Me and you could smoke eight tenths in two minutes. So I saw this evolution. And even though I was part of it, and even even though I thought it was cool, and even though I grew up with it, now looking back, it ruined the country. Oh, for sure, dude. It destroyed a country.

For sure. Like our own government destroyed a country. I mean, and this doesn't just go to cocaine. You know, if you walked around New York City in 1967 and 68 and 69 and 70, I will tell you that if you saw 10 people, two of them would be looking at you, Eddie, and also they go. Heroin? And they nod. They were on straight heroin.

And then what are you going to find out there? Years later, they were, Vietnam was basically about heroin. Yeah. They were just bringing heroin back by the fucking millions. And this whole country, that's what I don't understand.

Like, when I see those shows now, somebody has to pay for what they did to this country. Yeah, Pablo Escobar was a scumbag. And the metal ink cartel was scumbags. They were small time. They were small time. They were assets, too.

But who helped them grow? Yeah, for sure. And that's why those pictures, like that whole thing, Tom Cruise made a movie about American Made and he got popped. It's a horrible movie. But when you think about what was going on, it was just horrible. You know, then they started to send an Easter's, whatever, were just bringing up Coke. They cut them in. They weren't even having a war.

Yeah. They just cut them in to help bring cocaine up. Our own government flooded. And then you hear the DEA going, well. You know, 320 metric tons of cocaine were smuggled into our country. Where's the war on drugs? 300 metric tons. That's 2,000 pounds a fucking ton of cocaine.

I can't snort that shit in one year myself. We tried. Somebody had to be fucking snorting it. But you look back at that conspiracy right there, that's not a conspiracy. That was something to ruin our country. I'll never forget having a teacher. His name was Fred Taranova. and I remember he had like a pseudo-history class

and I still remember bumping into him on the street one day and him telling me that the Cubans were running cocaine and I'm like, what are you talking about? He goes, they got it so sophisticated that the Colombians are taking the Coke to Cuba. Remember when Bush sent down the troops in 85 to Columbia and they were going through the jungles and they couldn't find any labs?

Yeah. They were long gone. They were processing Coke and Cuba. They were taking the coca leaves, shipping them to Cuba, bringing in the fucking ether from the Russians, which is even better than the American ether. They used that ship for steroids and debaul and shit like that. And they were shipping the cocaine out of Cuba. And Fidel Castro would get $800,000 per shipload. And they were sending two to three ships a day filled with cocaine.

Nobody ever mentioned Fidel's name in any of those paperwork. But the story I'm getting to hear is that, Because it killed me. It destroyed my life. Right. You know how many people I see from my age now on Facebook that have no teeth that are fucked up? That was all cocaine from the 80s, bro. Right.

And to think that our own government brought that in shocks me. Even as street smart, but I think I am. Like I was always naive, but that not naive. Wouldn't it be smart for them to blow up Colombian drug laws? and Mexican drug lords. I just do the work themselves. Yeah, like blow them up on, like movies, like Scarface, for instance.

Wouldn't it be smart for them to blow up something like Scarface and movies like Scarface so that the people think that it's them that are bringing in all the coke and not really, it's us that's bringing it in. You know what I'm saying? For sure.

Same thing with the Italian gangster movies. The conspiracy theory is that those, the people at the people at the people the top whoever the whatever you want to call them they like pushing the italian mobster movies because everyone thinks it's the italians that are doing it when really they were low level there was a you know our own people were really the ones at the bankers in charge in charge of exactly the bankers and all the bankers yeah but you blow up the italians so everyone thinks that the italians have all this power yeah the columbians have all this power and they're doing it when really it's it's us

that are bringing it in the uh the the american government is the there's a war on drugs but we're bringing in the drug. Look at heroin right now with Afghanistan. Production's up 70% and now addiction's up 70% or it's yeah it could be even higher than that. I mean let's not even talk about the opioid epidemic. Yeah. What are you things in charge of putting these pills in the street for sure and then you hear the guy that basically flooded the market with those pills has now basically copyrighted the cure for that that yeah it's the most gangster shit ever dude he basically came he caused a problem an epidemic of opiates and now he's got the cure for it too yeah i mean that's just gangster shit so really what we're talking about either it's true or it's bullshit

it's not true it's it really is just the columbians and the and it's not true yeah well of course right of course but there's people that don't believe any of that so either either our own government is actually not managing and controlling the drug flow between, you know, internationally. Either they're not, or they are. You know, and, you know, there's people

that actually believe that our own government would never do anything like that. Right, that's what I'm saying. That's the conspiracy. Like, I grew up in Hudson County, New Jersey, where it's very politically corrupt. And it didn't take me too long to realize that that. That was politics on the micro level.

Oh, for sure. What was it at the macro level? You know, I went to the doctor three weeks ago, and he goes, oh, by the way, we're switching up that blood pressure medication on you. We're switching it up. So when I got home, I gave my wife a note, and we looked at it, and the one we were on, all of a sudden something's not right with it. And I'm thinking to myself, what happened? They stopped paying. Yeah.

Stop paying. That's it. Come in no more on Fridays and give you an emblem. Exactly. So now I'll start pushing this blood pressure medication, which you don't really know what the fuck they're giving. Do you guys know I have an uncle? I call them up.

Now we have two conversations in the one week. You know, he's had cancer for 10 years and he's still alive because he just changed his diet and refused to go to chemo. You know, he's 80 years old. Wow. And he walks four to five miles every day, Monday through Friday in Griffin Park. Because he refused to get the chemo or the drugs the government gave you.

Say he went to Mexico. twice in the 10 years and got two blood treatments or something like that. He's still alive. It's crazy the things that our own government does to us. It's crazy that there's people that still, and I love the United States of America. Of course. I love being. I love everything about it. But that kind of shit always destroyed. Cronism. And it's so weird how it's like anything else in life. It's like being Catholic and going, all right, I'm going to go to church today, even though you know, they're a bunch of fucking pedophiles. Right. Yeah.

We look at what we want to look at and we don't look at what we want to look at. You know, it's like when in comedy, it's like when somebody comes up to you and says, this guy's a joke thief, but he's your best friend. Right. What do you do? Do you stop being his best friend or do you not discuss the joke

deafing that he's doing? You know, you're always put on that fucking spot. Yeah. Yeah. It's, I did. The cronyism just keeps going. It's, it's crazy. What does cronyism mean? Cronism is just basically where these guys just operate. They make money off of corruption.

And that's what we at the highest levels on both sides, man. Like people think it's ours and Ds. They're falling for the tricks. It's not, these guys all work together, dude. They, I mean, dude, if you looked into what happened in Haiti, man, how much money was fleeced from that country after the, after the, uh, the earthquake, heartbreaking man Haiti is a shithole

because more than a billion dollars of aid was just taken out mysteriously by all these people that you supposedly love it's unbelievable because they don't look at you like a person they don't look at us like a people we're numbers

we're resources listen when all those things happen I really try to be an American and help but I pick my source of who i'm giving that money to don't give to i don't believe in it anymore i don't i don't want to give money to an organization with three of the top guys have bmw congruables oh yeah man do you know what i'm saying one of them is like a profit organization but the guys

got a come guys make it like well most of them are scams those uh non those um uh NGOs non governmental organizations that that uh they it sounds like they're human you know humanitarian yeah but when you figure out the percentage that they have to give to be considered humanitarian you laugh in their faces like i used to sell uh you know as a comic you have fundraising jobs right so i used to fundraise for the cops in seattle i thought i was working for the police department i was working for two fucking ex-cons that gave you a sticker if you donate really least benevolently yeah when you got a call high this is uh Sam Tripley, I'm calling on behalf of Glendale County Police, sorry I'm on, I'm saying Glendale.

No, I'm stupid. I don't care, man. I'm calling from Glendale, Police of Armed because we're doing a fundraiser. You actually think it's the cops. It's three guys in the Hill in Baham in a greasy place with no air conditioning, and they get 30% of the take. So listen, we're going to put our ad together, which comes out in June. if you advertise and putting that in there what happens is let's pretend you get broken into

you put a sticker on your glass and the cops will know that you donate the cops don't get oh that's all i do those cop events for is that card so i can get out of trouble yeah yeah well the card is one thing the card is one thing i live on those cards yeah dude i got a d a one yeah i got a da one get your dog out of my shit this is my friend i got i got the real ones i got the fucking I got a gold one too from Hoboken. Oh, I live for these things. The fucking get out of jail free card.

What's it say that? DEA. D.A. We ain't fucking around, though. But that's not the thing. Dude, look at the NFL, man. That whole, like, pink week cancer awareness, the amount of money that any organization gets for the fine research to cure cancer from the NFL is like 10%.

10% it's some insane number allegedly some insane number like they i mean michael jorne was notorious for back in the day term charity events and like 20% went to the actual you know to the cause there's this guy and in laos or thailand who had a foundation for uh kids that were were in child sex trafficking And his story was, he's the head of this foundation. I forget what the name of the foundation is. But his story is that he saves all these children from sex trafficking rings in Thailand. And he built his school to help them rehab and educate themselves. And people just started sending them money.

He's like, fuck. Like who wouldn't want to donate to that? this guy is is breaking into these camps where these where they're keeping these children you know as slaves and he's breaking him out taking him through rivers that's what the story is on the website like he's taking all these children and and he has profiles of each of the children and they have their stories of you know how their mom sold them to sex trafficking and all this shit all the kids have different profiles so people the website is a touching to say the least and people are just donating all sorts of cash and he built this big compound and it's a real

compound with the school and they really are educating these kids and the kids are happy as fuck right happy as fuck as then they'd interview them and they go man they're super appreciative they can't believe it that they're getting an education for free they can't believe it but then when you look into it the guy wasn't these kids weren't from child sex trafficking they were just poor kids from you know in the jungle you know in villages and he was offer them education and the parents would go yes you know and take my kids educate them but the kids had no idea that there was this website and they had this story that supposedly came from their mouths that was saying that you know that at six their mother sold them to child you know what

mean it was all bullshit so this guy got too greedy and this is how he got busted he got too greedy he got a documentary team to come out to film you know what he was all about and to drum up more business and to get more donations. He was getting all this money from people, all over the world. And the documentary crew, they're the ones who were going, wait a minute,

something ain't right here. Something ain't right. They figured it out. These kids weren't from child sex trafficking. Then they corner the kids and they pulled them aside. And they made them read the story that was on the website. They had no idea the story was up. They didn't write it.

They had no idea. They were like, oh my, they started all of them, start fucking freaking out and crazy. Hawaiian and like they thought oh my god their life is ruined everyone thinks they're a prostitute a child prostitute but they weren't they were just regular kids from you know the the country country in in Thailand and poor kids that they were how it's going on right now that that's

that guy got this guy got busted and he just disappeared and they you know no one knows where he's out there's a couple that raised like the money for this like marine this homeless marine $400,000 yeah yeah are they giving it to him yet uh go fund he has to give it to them because They back it. But yeah, they're going to court and they're going to be in trouble. Yeah. Because they got,

they got nothing. They try to keep it, right? Yeah, they give them like 90 grand of it. Yeah, I don't, I don't. Let me ask you something, Sam, because I listen, with 10-4 hat with the podcast, what are you trying to do? What are you doing with people?

I just like, dude, to be honest with you? And you pick a new topic every week. Every week. So last, last week, the autopsy from Bruce Lee came back. They did it on that show. Remember when we were kids, there was a guy on HBO that was fantastic. But this guy, and I thought of you, I almost called you.

They did not autopsy on it? Yeah, they reopened up the case. Reels did Gandalfini. And I watch them to see what they did the Whitney Houston one. Right. And Whitney Houston, they said that. Whitney Houston didn't die cocaine. What happened was she did a couple bumps and went into the shower

and the shower was so hot. But since her body was numb, she didn't feel they eat. And that's a really killed Whitney Houston. Really? Yeah. Like they have. Holy shit. Interesting shit.

Like Gandafini, like I watch. Gaines the Feeney for 20 minutes. I looked at my wife. I go, if they don't mention cocaine, I'll never watch the show again. And then they went off on the cocaine, how much coke he was doing, how they found out he went to multiple rehabs and his heart. So now I pay attention because at least they tell the truth. At least they tell the truth. You know what I'm saying? This channel, this doctor. How do you know that's the truth, though? Because they wouldn't have talked about the cocaine. They could have just said that he died of a heart attack. He went through everything. He goes from the Sopranos. They found out how many rehabs he had gone through. Oh, he was notorious during set.

Like he would just disappear. He's dead. Banging J-I? Yeah. The dude from Sopranos? Yeah. Yeah. The guy that was in true romance? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, shit. When did he die? A couple years ago, four years ago. But it's crazy how this guy started talking about how he would do no shows on the Sopranos. Yeah. Four days. No show, no here, no nothing. He would come back and he would pay for the days off. He would pay the days to the staff missing. And then he would fly in sushi and different food. And then they apologized and two weeks later. But the moral story is that... He was going hard in the pain. Yeah. Oh, everybody knew that. Everybody knew that. Because of that, I started paying attention to the show more. And a couple, because you brought me on to talk about what... What happened to Bruce Lee? So what did they say happened? And I always believe there was my conspiracy theory was when he told him he was doing it into the dragon.

He was switching governments and they, that would cut off their money laundering. Because they were money laundering through his movies. All those Thai movies, they were just, they shot all those in Thailand. And it was Raymond Chow. And it's really funny that after. Golden Harvest. Golden Harvest. After Raymond Chow and Bruce Lee died, Raymond Chow became a big producer.

in the United States, even producing Charles Bronson movies. So I always thought there was some type of conspiracy or something like that, you know, how he died, how it was really hush. Like there was no internet back then, guys. Yeah. So you died in China until the boat got here. Yeah.

For us to find out about Bruce Lee. Nobody knew. Then when they were on the streets, people started talking about it. We went into Chinatown and got the newspaper from China and they showed you the pictures of him in the casket. but it wasn't there's no internet there was no encyclopedia and what he talks about is he died from a cortisol addiction that nobody knew about what cortisol cool what are you shooting you when you have

oh yeah cortisone cortisone cortisone so he heard his back and he would shoot a lot of cortisone and because cortisone does something there's side effects to cortisone he never went off the cortisone he never went off at that during enter the dragon he got to the lightest he ever was he was like 123 or something like that they were worried about him so he broke it down he goes and then when he did that aspirin the analesic he had so much cortisol on his blood blah blah blah it was death by misadventure you know what I'm saying like you so there's nothing shady behind it no it was something that he had developed years earlier something with that there's a side-effected cortisol and he was having mental lapses at the end he was forgetting shit yeah what what if uh

your first theory was actually correct like he was murdered by the chinese triads which is a conspiracy theory what if that's what you thought at first if that was true wouldn't it make sense to put out a documentary to distract from that and to say yeah we did some tests on his blood he died of Cortisol, you know what I mean? I mean, listen, what do you think? First off, it's a 45-year-old court, whatever document. When you guys don't know, it's like, listen,

and I'll tell you this right now, and we'll wrap it up, just so you know. At the age of 16, I found out everything about my life. And my father, who was, I was always told died of a drug, died of an heart attack. What happened was he was the first Cuban committee man in Union City, New Jersey.

So they were up playing them. At the time when you landed from Cuba in Miami, there was billboards that said, come to Union City. There's life for Cubans there. So it became the second biggest highest population for Cubans. Along the way, my father had a business. He had two businesses. And this is way pre-Castro.

So he was a committee man from like 56 to 6. 66 until he died. He was on some board. And when he died, he died of a cocaine overdose. He died of a heroin. He thought he was doing coke, but somebody gave heroin. Oh my God. And the heroin killed him instantly. And all that got covered up, dude. They made my mother send them to Cuba, and my father was buried in Cuba. So when I, I didn't find this out until I got older. Like, why would my mother send my father to fucking Cuba? Like, it just didn't make sense. And in those days, it wasn't like you could just call United. So my mother went with them all the way to Mexico.

Oh, my God. And then in Mexico, they shipped him to Cuba, and then his family picked them up. So my mother could never collect the insurance policy that he left for me. He left me a prudential insurance policy. It was never signed by the county coroner. My father's debt is still, the coroner never sounded. Now, my father was a nobody. Yeah.

He was a nobody. So imagine what they do. Like, again, we're talking about this shit that, you know, he was a nobody. Why would they cover it up? Right. So till this day, Prudential wants me to go to Cuba, dig him up for them to give me any money. Like in 1970s, like in 1980, that was the deal for us to go to Cuba, reanalyze the bones and see if it was him. So after that, how do you think I felt about it?

about governments and shit like that. Like, I don't believe enough until I see with my own eyes. That's what it's all about. That was my lesson. Question everything. That's what I always say, dude. Question everything. That's really all we do.

We just have fun. You question it. And we're wrong a lot. You know, we're wrong a lot. But it's really tough. It's better than just going along with comedy. Yeah, that's my whole thing, man. It's just like you watch the news.

They lie to you all the time. All day long. They tell you, listen. Well, the best thing about podcasts is listen to what happened to podcast it destroyed comedy central that credibility became bullshit you guys have been hiding the real comics from us for the last 10 years since you've been in fucking since 19992 or 91 that you've been in business right you've been giving us hand-selected comedy that you guys like not the animals that yeah they lost credibility now that's why now even as a musician

fan of music you got to think to yourself was kiss really the best band that was out there or was kiss what they shoved down my throat. Exactly. You know, like, that's how I think now. I grew up, I grew up the biggest kiss fan of all time. But, but, man, if they were an Illuminati operation, they're perfect. Look at, look at the four characters that they're at.

Like the Illuminati, really, the Luminati comes from, you know, ancient Babylon and ancient Egypt and all that and the bloodline. right so you look at the the cat peter chris egyptians worshipped cats and then you looked at uh ace freely space look what the the nazis did when they formed nassas and gave us the fake moon missions right they keep promoting space and then jean simmons the fucking demon when you look into the illuminati there they're they're worshipping lucifer right yeah and then paul stanley that's the you know that's the the feminism in men right there. So they got four gigantic characters

that are powerful in the Illuminati movement. That's just me getting crazy. That's just me getting crazy. But you brought it up. He said, would have Kiss wasn't the best man? What if that's... What if that's... Was it Leonard Skinner?

What if the car? No, you want a great example. It's what you sold me. Exactly. That's what we're talking about. We're talking about that. It's what you sold me. So I've always quite...

Listen, I love being a cat. But I got to tell you guys something At the age of 10, I question it. Right, of course. Why is a nun hitting me? Yeah. Why are there bishops and cardinals? Why is a nun hitting me if you promote love?

Yeah. And whatever. You know, so that's... Why are they all fucking kids? You know what? What's up with that? And nobody goes to jail for that? I didn't know none about fucking the kids.

You know, I didn't know that like even the Mormon church on 70% of Sunset Boulevard. Yeah. Something crazy. Really? Yeah. Something crazy. crazy something crazy that that's news the news yeah something crazy about Scientology I read years ago

yeah that the Mormon that's why Scientology owns a lot Mormons do you know a Donald Trump when he got elected he went to Utah and he talked to the church of the Mormons to kiss the ring like they're very powerful and if they're very much of an outside power source compared to what goes on in Hollywood you know I mean in Washington DC they say if these big trials are going to happen you know that they keep talking about with Q Anonymous and all that stuff, which is this guy who gives information out to people because you can't get it on normal networks. But he basically says that's where a lot of judges are going to come from, Utah and Mormons. Like Trump had.

That's where he was at, right? Yeah. Crazy shit, man. I love it, though, dude. I love it. And you know what I love? We're wrong, dude, but we're right a lot, too. And the thing is that nobody keeps score.

that's the whole thing. Well, nobody wants the truth. Yeah. You know, in that famous movie, you don't want the truth because you really can't handle the truth. Right. You know what?

I love doing Coke. I didn't want to know that our own government was pushing it on our streets. You know, I loved smoking coke. I didn't know that the CIA was putting it on fucking the streets of Compton

and black neighborhoods to make them even weaken on what they were. I never forget reading an article in time that the man with the golden gun was being hidden in Cuba, some guy, I forget what his name was in the 70s, that was escaping from the United States. And I remember them saying at that time, I had a teacher, Mr. T, and him going, for years, the Russians have been selling coke.

It's all communist. And I remember saying, why would communists want to sell coke in the United States? He goes, does it make them a lot easier to take over? When they come over and they put the guns up, and we put up bags of it. kilos they're going to throw the guns up in the angle fuck it so it made sense all the shit I learned over the years it's just people don't really want to know there was a fake moon landing you know you you listen to the stories now how bad the country was in shape they needed something to be pro-american so they thought about going to the moon and landing but the wind

wasn't blowing the right direction so they fucked up the flag you know what I'm saying no it's all crazy shit I never knew and the whole thing isn't to get everybody to agree with everything all the time. Yeah, it's like, it's like when there's a murder and there's really no evidence at first, a detective, you know, a group of detectives will come up with every possible scenario at every, no matter how ridiculous it is. If it's somehow possible, it's a scenario. And they got all, they line up all their scenarios and all their suspects and then one by one they eliminate them. Doesn't mean that every scenario is correct. It can't be. It's impossible that every scenario, but you come up with every possible angle. So that's all. we do when something happens like anytime a celebrity is killed a conspiracy theorist is going to have questions you're going to have the official story that you read on on your phone when you're taking a shit like oh my god you know who died and you read it on your phone and then the police confirmed that it was a suicide you know what i mean are you going to believe that you read it on your phone you're taking a shit it's on your iphone it's on cnn it's on the washington post

so-and-so died police confirmed it was a suicide They confirmed it that goddamn quick. Are you going to believe that? Maybe you do believe it. Maybe it's true. But a detective wouldn't just believe that shit. A detective would start looking into it and putting up, you know, coming up with as many different scenarios as possible and putting together clues. That's what you do.

You just don't read your iPhone and just believe that shit. Confirm. A police confirmed that it was a suicide. Okay, that's it. That's it. That's it. It's a suicide. Saw it on my fucking phone.

you know but then there's all this crazy these crazy little things that are going on around that certain uh suicide that you're like wait a minute motherfuckers you know there's a lot of crazy fishy shit going on around here and to be to be ridiculed for questioning something that you read on your fucking phone while you were taking a shit questioning you're ridiculed you're ridiculed i'll tell you what one thing if it ever comes out you ever find out that i committed suicide I'll fucking do backflips in my fucking grave. If you start getting on Instagram saying, oh, we lost another good one to drugs.

I will be pissed off if anybody wrote that shit. Because if it comes out that I committed suicide, I was fucking murder because I ain't committing suicide. You know what I mean? So people think it's disrespectful to question the cops. They think it's disrespectful when someone comes out and someone commits suicide and you read it on your phone. Cop said, cops said that it was a suicide.

they ruled it of suicide. To question that and to get ridiculed is disgusting. That's disgusting. You know what I mean? If someone, if like you found out that someone you loved close to you and you found out just like everyone else, they committed suicide and you fucking, all you knew is what you fucking read on your phone and the cops.

And then someone came up and said, hey, dude. There's more. There's more. Would you want to hear it? Or would you say, don't bring that up. It's too soon. It's too soon. It's too soon.

It was a suicide across the street yet. It was a suicide in this building here maybe eight years ago that I knew the kid. Yeah. Until this day, I always knew that something was wrong in two years after that. Is it disrespectful to go, wait a minute, maybe it wasn't a suicide? Yeah, I don't get that. I don't get why accepting the official narrative of people. Respect their family.

I think their family would want to know who really did it. That was some fishy shit going on. The best one is they killed Osama bin Laden, but they threw his body off the ship. Oh yeah. So nobody would see it. Exactly. Because all that shit. Come on.

Come on. Come on. There's shit. How dumb you have to be up to be. But the problem with me is. They won't release to autopsies. Yeah. The vaguest shit.

Come on. There's so much. It's just too much that if you get caught up in it and you start doubting, you will go crazy. For sure. So that's why what you got to do is your structural basis of fall. You always got to have a foot on the ground, right? You always got to have that. And it's like the way I see conspiracies is no different than the person who's always

watching MSNBC you know Christopher Titus is a wonderful comedian I think he's a killer he put out that like he thank Rachel Maddow for teaching him more about like US history and I'm not saying anything bad about that but he obviously watches MSNBC all the time that's where he gets his news I just like to investigate I just like to learn to see what's going on and then kind of be like oh here's a pattern and it's kind of in it I don't think I'm going to change anything the only thing that I do after I learn all this is how I interact with people in the world. How do I treat people? Okay? I try to treat people with love, respect. When John McCain dies, I don't run around talking about what a war hero he is because that's not the truth, man.

And there's a lot of shady shit about that motherfucker. He put a lot of our sons and daughters in very bad harm's way. It's just a fact, man. And I'm going to get some shit about that. And I'll say, oh, hey, man, I stand by it. That's why I love you. That's what I'll stand by it, man. That's what the best about having a podcast is. You know, all I recognize him. I remember him. that we have a voice now. Yeah. We have a voice now. You don't have to sit at home and go, you know what?

Fuck you, motherfuckers. That's not what happened. Let me ask you knucklehead something. You and my brother here going on the road doing some dates together, which I'm proud of you. I'm proud of Eddie for fucking commitment. He's doing great, man. I'm really proud of all these guys that have been around comedy for so long. And they get in it.

And people say, I can't believe Lee's doing comedy. Well, he's been around it. For six years, he watches every special on Netflix. after a while you got to give it a chance. Eddie's been around it. I used to remember Eddie going on stage 2001. Wow.

So, bombing. This doesn't surprise. Bombing. But he got it. You're doing great, dude. You're doing great. And that's all that matters. Thank you, man.

Where's your next date, you fucking sadness? We're here, no, it's September 14th, that we're at the Corner Comedy Club in Niagara Falls, Canada. It's at the Cornercom. This Friday and Saturday, Saturday. Yeah, we've sold a bunch of tickets, man. So this Friday is Saturday, yeah, yeah. In Niagara Falls, and I'm doing a seminar Saturday day in Niagara Falls, too, a jiu-jitsu school out there.

Get on my Instagram for the details. It's at Eddie Bravo, Tempe. What are the dates are you doing comedy at 104? How that? So we're also do, they're on my website, samtripley.com. We're also doing Philadelphia in October. October 12th. October 12th.

And then the 14th of Funny Bone. In Syracuse. Yep. So October. 12th in Philly October 14th so we're doing Friday and Sunday that's Saturday and doing a seminar Bethlehem but I'm 10 planet Bethlehem and then we're going out to the following month we're in Houston November 3rd and Austin November 4th so do you guys get on stage just do a podcast or no no no two guys doing stand-up we uh we do about an hour of stand-up and then we do about 30 to 45

minutes of Q&A with the crowd there's usually four of us it's me Sam Ryan who's who's who's his co-host on the tin foil hat. Send him my love. He's a great guy. He's a great dude. I love him. Tinfoil hat podcast, which is awesome. His co-host, Ryan, off-the-grid, Ryan.

He's usually with us. And we have another guy, Tres Mala, who he could bring out when financially, it makes sense, you know what I mean? So there's four of us. But a lot of times when we go on the road, it's just going to be me and Sam, just for financial purposes.

And then we'll take a local comedian. But it's so much, God damn, fun. to have a whole crowd that's at least Tower 7 and over. You know what I mean? If they're all on Tower 7, it's a lot easier to talk to them. You know what I mean? Because if I had a crowd that was half people that believed Hillary Clinton was a good person,

dude, I'd be bombing. It's not going to be a good night. So that's how Tenfoil hat comedy came about. You know, I did a couple shows with Sam, you know, random shows at the Comedy Store with Comedy Chaos. And it just, man, I got, I got too conspiracy too quick. And it just didn't flow right the first couple shows. And I called up Sam one night and I said, dude, can we do it?

A tinfoil hat fucking comedy show where it's just nothing but people that are at least at Tower 7. If you're at least at Tower 7, then fuck, how much fun will that be? Yeah. So that's what we started doing, tinfoil hat comedy. And it's been, we went to San Francisco and Sacramento and, and fucking smashed it there was crazy it was it was fucking crazy is when we get to San Francisco half an hour before the show it looks like it's one-fourth filled and then we went backstage and like you know what no one showed up no big deal no big

deal no one showed up it's all good you know we're just gonna go out there and there's fucking there's a hundred people so what it's a hundred people it's beautiful but we went out by the and then five minutes before the show started I went out and took a look again and it was fucking and I went upstairs and I told Sam you're not going to believe this and goes what I go dude all of a sudden it's fucking packed and he goes no we went out there like holy shit that was that's that's that's when we knew that maybe there's a chance that we could take this on the road we were in san francisco making fun of obama and people are going crazy yeah i'm like oh that in san francisco that's crazy dude yeah it's very powerful and then sacramento

which is cool i love i love doing comedy in front of your crowd when i opened up for you a couple of times because it's just all Mexicans and it's all Latin. They're not necessarily conspiracy theorists at all. They're just Mexicans. I love just going up and doing Mexican like non-conspiracy theory comedy. Not all my comedy is about conspiracy theories. I talk about dick jokes and fart jokes and shit like that. But Sacramento, it was all conspiracy. It was a conspiracy crowd, but they were all Mexican. So it was the Sacramento show was fucking insane. We had so much fun. It's just a combo of, of Mexicans and conspirators were great.

Listen, fuckos, I'm happy you stopped in tonight. You know, I love you both. I love you, dude. I love 10, Fausu, so you Tuesday. This is one of my favorite shows to do. I like to sit back and walk. I think it's probably sold out already. Comedy chaos is always sold out.

You're doing that. I'm doing Tuesday. I'm doing Tuesday. Yeah, you guys are nice. I hate bothering you guys. I hate bothering you. You're saying. I hate it.

You don't bother me. It just, I just don't know when I can be there. It's all good in the hood, man. Yeah. It's a guaranteed sold that main room show. Russell Peters, Brendan's shop this week. Joe Rogan's always doing it. Rogan's on.

It's a great show. Phil Vaughn. Yeah, this is going to be great. Tom Segura, Ari, Duncan. Thank you again. I love you, dude. Thank you for having me on, dude.

What days is 10 for a heck of a month? This weekend. We put it out every Monday and Thursday. Oh, the podcast. There's two podcasts. Yeah. Sam, all the best. I love you, bud.

Comedy store family. We've been together 20 years. I had a great time. We had them at the Dodger game Monday night with the kids. I ended up fanning out and tremendous side of the bike. I went to the Dodger game. I was fucked up in the gym. I saw that.

We couldn't eat edibles. Hey, man, we were so high. Seriously, this is no joke. I have a real, legit fear of heights and no seats. The highest Dodger, like I felt like the whole time I had that fear running through my blood. I felt like I was going to fall off. And my son's with me. I'm looking over at my son and I just want to grab him.

But there's no way you look. There's no way we could fall off. But we were pretty goddamn high. And the whole time, I'm afraid of falling off. I'm a fucking pussy. We sat. We took pictures. We had kids.

We just took a picture. Must have been. You know, it was so funny because I put me and EB with our families in the Dodger game. And all we got for like, I was like, that's great. But then you always got people like you. You couldn't have got better seats. Yeah.

It's not about the better seats. It's just about being together with your family. Yeah, next time we gotta go lower, though. Oh yeah, I could call a friend and sit right behind the Dodgers. But I don't wanna do that, but not with five-year-olds. I wanna attract his least attention as we did. We gotta get that set in front of us from Liverpool. Yeah, yeah.

He took a picture with us. We ate, you know, and I'm gonna try, there's five home games left. I'm gonna try to go to one more, expect my phone call. I love you, Sam. I love you, Sam. Thank you. I love you too. I want to thank Eddie and Sam for stop.

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