The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #629 - Ari Shaffir and Jeff Tomsic

Episode Date: October 24, 2018

Ari Shaffir, comedian and host of the "Ari Shaffir's Skeptic Tank" podcast, and Jeff Tomsic, the director of "This Is Not Happening," "Tag," and "The Degenerates," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. Joey's special as part of "The Degenerates" streams on Netflix starting October 30, 2018.  This podcast is brought to you by:  Ridge Wallet - Use code "church" for 10% off your order at ridgewallet.com/church   MyBookie.com -  Use code promo Church to get up to a 100% match on your first deposit up to $1,000.    Recorded live on 10/22/2018.
  

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Oh, shit. It's the church what's happening now. Wednesday morning. slinging dick and giving out toothpicks how we do it baby it's a fucking jungle ain't nobody gonna give you a dick the church of what's happening now

Jeff Tomzick Joe Diaz and the Christ killer the original here we go Lee here we go wiggle fuck with Joey baby oh shit give it to me there you go

Broken glass everywhere. What? Pishing on the stage and oh shit. Don't care. I can't take the- That's reality, motherfuckers. I can't take the noise. Got no money to move out.

I guess I got no choice. Rats in the front room, rogers in the back. Junkies in the alley with a baseball bat. I try to get away, but I couldn't get far because a man with a touch of me possessed my car. Don't push me because I'm close to the edge. I'm trying to not to do my head. It's like a jungle sometimes. makes me wonder how I keep from going under this,

because I got you motherfuckers. Welcome to the church. What's happened now? We want to welcome Jeff Tomzick, director, producer, good all-around fucking dude. Ari should be on his way, but fuck him. He's got a Jewish guy. You're fucking running with a rickshaw.

He won't be here for two hours. Welcome to the show, brother. We got the Christ killer here. What's going on, Jeff Thompson? Man, you know, I'm out here doing my dog and pony show around town trying to get the next thing set up. You know how it is, man. You know, it's like when I told you,

like right now Bradley Cooper was on the phone with an agent until they argued about his next movie. Yeah, there's always something, man. People always think that, oh, he's got it made. You're always arguing. You're always somebody every week, somebody somewhere tries to pull a fucking Louis Lamar on you, and you got to put them in check,

and then you feel bad for three days. And it's a fucking horror show, people. So when you see fucking these people on shows, trust me they got fucking what do they call those uptown problems yeah uptown problems yeah first world problems yeah first world problems yeah no no there's first world problems my privilege and then there's people that have uptown problems like you know you're not gonna believe this but my condo on the the penthouse flooded if i ever get to that place man just just yeah no it's a different fucking level and stuff like that how long have you been directing for um well i you know

I started, well, I don't know, getting paid to do it or just directing in general. Well, I think like the first time I had a camera was my grandfather's he gave me when I was like nine years old and I forced my sister to do like weird remakes of Star Trek episodes in my basement when I was nine. And it's sort of crazy to me that I'm even doing this for a living now. But that was my hobby even as a kid. And then directing for like in a job, maybe 10, 10, 10, 11 years.

No school, no, no nothing. Well, I grew up in, I was born in Chicago, but I grew up mostly in Iowa. My parents moved there when I was a kid. When we were in Iowa, there's, you know, being a director is like, you know, it's the farthest thing from reality. My father was like, man, maybe engineering. Man, that's a, that's a reasonable career. It's as creative as you can get. Yeah, it's exactly right.

Like, yeah, there's things like cameras, you know, there's machines anyway. But I went to the University of Iowa, and I studied. I studied film, but I also studied computer science because that seemed like the sensible thing to do. And I, you know, I even thought that I would go into graphics, you know, do CG shit for movies, maybe. That would be possible. You know, but I was making stuff and doing plays even then and in high school before that. And then I came out to L.A. to go to AFI, you know, which is this, you know, great graduate program for film. And I dropped out on the second day when I realized that it was, that I was going to go $120,000.

and did debt and everyone else at school was showing up in a seven series BMW at 25 and I was like oh this is I'm from a different world I can't afford this so I I sort of flirted with doing a graduate program but then but then left and went back back to work and started doing commercial shortly after that so seriously that was like a la oh that was like 14 years ago and what was your first job like you were at the obviously I were uh well I did every job you know again I I moved to New York City after college in 99 and did everything I could possible. I worked as a grip. I worked as an electric.

I worked as an editor. I shot film as a DP. You know, because it never felt real to me to say I'm a director. Like I feel like I need to earn it and learn whatever other person on the crew did to, to like have respect for the whole picture. And took acting classes and stuff like that before I felt like I was comfortable. well like this is what i'm going to do my first job was right after that i actually

directed some commercials for speedstick deodorant in 2004 no shit and that was the first real pig gig yeah and there were even real tv commercials they were like online commercials which is a brand new thing then this is like before real youtube happened and all that um so it was sort of a half job but do you remember when the big splurge was going to be the internet commercials yeah yeah Lee, let me tell you something. I went from going out for film auditions and TV auditions to just going out for fucking, Lee, you name it. They were, again, we're talking about write-offs here before the show.

Yeah. Lee, every day I was going out for a Heineken web series. Yep. Cadillac web series. Everything was going to be a web series. But they didn't pay very well. Oh, you're fucking wrong. Really?

So what happened was I kept going out for them. Was it 2004? 2003? It had a couple things. 2005s. Right around them. Yeah, yeah. And they were pushing for a new medium that had come along.

Yep. A new medium that had come along that paid commercials for online. Yep. And they called it something then, online, the media, something. So you were going for these commercials and it didn't say, national or international or internet. No, it did say internet. Yeah, they called it new media.

New media, something at that age. And it was like 800 scale, and they couldn't work you over four hours. It was something fucking crazy, Lee, like something that you're like, what? And if you worked over five hours, they had to pay you double, and it was like, it was new, whatever.

And I had gotten the callbacks. I started getting callbacks. I started getting callbacks. I started getting callbacks. Nothing. All these people around me are booking these fucking, you know who booked a couple of them? Redizzi, if I'm not wrong.

Yeah, yeah. A couple of those fucking web series where they page you, man. And I finally, I booked this movie called Pizza and Bullets. And it had Talia Shire. Oh, really? Big pussy from the Sopranos.

And just a bunch of like these B-guies or whatever. It was a great script. Yeah. But it was $100 a day. And they were... It was $100 a day. That's crazy. This was the beginning of it.

This was when the $100 a day movie really came. Because when I got here, it was off scale. Yep. Which, again, I'm not complaining. I'm just informing you how it happened. Yeah. Everything was $6.59 plus 10 or whatever it is. Right.

And then a buddy in mine that was in the movie 7, he got a movie and he put me in and it was $4.59 a day. And then when I did the Rodney Dangerfield movie, it was $4.59 a day. Then I did some of my movie. other film and it was 250 a day. I just kept going down. That's called low budget. Yeah.

And then ultra low budget, sag is $100 a day. So I got the offer to do this pizza and bullets, but they were still in the process of writing the script. So in that process, bam, I get an audition for Mountain Dew for a web series playing a bear. Yeah. Again, I'm on cocaine. I got to do what I got to do. I hope that's out there somewhere.

I want to see that for sure. It's 800 for four hours work. Yeah. And it was just crazyly. Because I've heard on, I was on the post side, and I've heard I had friends who would do online stuff, and they would always complain that they would work on huge things, but would get almost nothing.

No, we were getting. This is the very beginning. when they started getting popular because I remember I went all the way to the end with the Cadillac people and there was a James Bond remake type deal and it was 16 episodes Oh yeah, I remember this.

Three-minute segments. Yeah, yeah. It was crazy. People were going crazy but nobody was showing them. Yeah, you couldn't find them anymore. You couldn't find fucking one of them. Everybody was, you were going to auditions for them. So now in the process of pizza and bullets,

They're like every Monday they would call and go, listen, we don't know what the schedule is. We're going to call you next week. We're going to call you next week. So this will run out for two weeks. And I got a call back for Mountain Dew. And boom, I get the fucking call back again. It was a nightmare. I don't know.

It was a nightmare. I had to go to Gower first. And then I had to go to fucking Beverly Hills. Then the final callback was downtown. And boom, I booked this. And I'm like, fuck, you had 10 episodes. guaranteed 800 that's 7200

that's without overtime they had a bunch of little lines a bunch of little lines lunch $25 cash every day this whole fucking scam we pizza and bullet calls and the first day of me shooting

whatever Mountain Dew is my calls at two in the afternoon at Gower and pizza and bullets wanted me at 7 in the morning. And I celebrated getting the Scooby-Doo thing, the Mountain Doot thing, by getting like

two G's a coat. That's how I celebrated. And I'm up all night, Jeff Thompson fucking jerking off, in the bathroom, fucking doing blows, celebrating 7,200. And the next morning, I'm like, if Pete's and bullets stinks,

I'm going to show up, because they had me on a string. Right, right. And all of a fucking. fucking blue. They call the day that Mountain Dew calls. Yeah. And I'm like, I don't know the guys. I'm starting to get the flu. And they're like, well, call us in the morning and see how you feel. I don't want to get the set infected. And I was just trying to push it off.

I would have shot the movie. Right. I got to get the $7,200 from Mountain Dew. Yep. I can't risk a $100 bill to play a fucking gangster in a movie that might not go. Yeah. And that morning, that's what I wake up to is them pounding. My wife was already in. Oh, wow.

And they're pounding on the door. and I went out and pushed the kid, and they called the cops. Oh, God. Press charges, but the producers said, you'd never work again. The casting people were furious.

They were furious. Was it for, like, a studio production company, anything? No. Just the guy? But this is how the internet has taken over the studio business. That's in a nutshell. It was like, and guess what happened, guys?

I got to call out one o'clock. Mountain Dew scrapped the project, but we were still getting. getting a check of the map oh shit what oh shit that's the best call you ever got your whole way it was a three you know you think about it yeah it was a three week process yeah there wasn't a comedian that didn't say I went in for Mountain Dew today I think I'm gonna book everybody had gone it on it no matter what size shape color like they wasted people's time yeah like that dude that what's that commercial that fucking the guy that gets beat up on the

Allstate commercial. Oh, yeah. I can't remember the guy's name. I know 20 dudes that went in on that. And they made him jump off building. Oh, the deep voice guy from 30 Rock? No. That does the Allstate commercial?

He's white. The white dude. There's always damage. I'm at a wedding party. Yeah. And I'm about to eat the ring. And he eats the ring and he gets hit by a car. You know, I had like three buddies, one after that.

That were regular schmows like me. Oh, I'm sure. And they had him jumping up building. is fucking doing. That was part of the audition process? Shit from jackass like jumping. And they knew all along that we're going to give it to this fucking guy. That's ridiculous.

I'm not surprised. They think it breaks my fucking heart. I was telling somebody that about three years ago I got a call right from New York, two, something with a bunch of zeros. I take the message and it's a casting director that wants me for a specific role. And she goes, do you mind if I say, you decides they were a little offensive and I go well if you pardon me for the specific role you know why would they be offensive you sent them over and cut this shit and it was just about a

pussy yeah there was a guy describing a pussy that's a Cadillac you got to stick your dick and fucking good from time to time that's a Mercedes Ben's a pussy sounds like something you'd say so I went over the Laurel Canyon and I put it on tape they wanted the tape in 72 hours I sent it back they said listen you're number one choice you just but understand you know we're not gonna pay for the flight and we're not gonna pay for the hotel it's a New York hire I had a place to stay yeah I guess right I got a bunch of miles like I could use I always save miles for in case somebody dies or something yeah you're a plane ticket no drama it's dark I said you got it it shoots May 8th it's like April 4th

Is it for a movie or a show movie? It's the fucking Pacino movie when he played the fucking thief. De Niro and Michelle Pfeiffer. When he played the stock market fraud guy. What movie is that? It's on HBO guys. De Niro and Michelle Pfeiffer. Who robbed?

What, what, what? Lee's looking at it up. What is the fucking guy that robbed everybody? Bernie Mado. Bernie Madoff, right, right, right, yeah. True for a Madoff movie. Yep. They kept calling me back.

The family or the Wizard of Lies, maybe. The Wizard of Lies. The Wizard of Lies. Chap, they called me six times to say, we just want to remind you that when you get this movement, we're not going to pay for a plane ticket. They had the agent call me, the cast and director call me, the producer of the movie.

That's not a small project. Why couldn't they fly you out there for that? So guess what? I never hear from them again. Oh, my God. And also the movie comes out, and they got Hank Azari. So you called me 20 times. But then you know, you knew, I know,

I know you fucking had to fly Hank Azaria. Of course they did. Unless, you know what I'm saying? So all this drama you gave me about a fucking 300-0 plane ticket on JetBlue. You gave it to Hank Azari anyway. So it's just, it's such a, it's such a fucking weird thing when they have money. They have so much money to spend that it's ridiculous. Yeah, everything gets nickel to dive at some point.

It's crazy. I don't get it. When was that? That was recently, too. What's that? That movie, The Wizard of Lives. Yeah, two years ago. Yeah, that seems- When I shot Grudge Match, there was no plane ticket, no hotel.

Really? I had to put that I lived in Houston. This kind of shit scares me because now that I'm directing, I don't hear this. Yeah, they gave me a hotel. Yeah. And I had miles on Delta. And what I did was, because they could only shoot me two days one week, and one day, like four days later,

I just set up little shows in New Orleans. Smart. And I did some stand-up, and then I made the best of it. And at the end, I made a little money. It bombed in the box office. So the residuals are dismal. I got one, like three times a year. But I got to work with De Niro and the experience.

Yeah. But, all right, 20 years ago, I wish Ari would get here because they'll tell you, when you walked into 200 North Libreia above the PECO. That was the big auditioning place. Okay. And it would tell you exactly when you signed in

what the situation was going to be. So it would say, let's say you wanted that tomorrow. October 23rd, it would go, jello pudding, shoots Denver, Colorado 111 to 116. Okay, when you booked that commercial, they flew you to Denver on October 31st, They took you to dinner, they broke down the situation to you.

And they'd say, Lee, guess what? You're not shooting to the fourth. And you're like, so why am I here? And they're like, well, because we're going to put you in an hotel room and we're going to give you $175 a day per die. And you're going to go, okay. Just in case something changes. They want you there.

Because they always want you there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they would do. And you would stay the six days and you would have the best time of your life. They would tell you to come to the set. I missed out on this whole era. On this whole era. Yeah, where there was so much, now there's just so much shit out there.

Yeah. Now you book a commercial that says 111 to 117 and you'll get flown in on 114. You will shoot on 115. There will not be a stitch of overtime. Yep. And you'll be on that plane the next 5th. And you'll shoot 14 commercials on 115. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a different. Yeah, there's no waste. Yeah, it's crazy. Just because there's so much stuff out there that, like, they don't have the money for any one thing anymore, I think. You know, it's like they're Instagram ads, there's online ads, there's TV ads, there's a million people making all this shit. It's hard for anything to matter. If I had a company, I'd be doing internet ads. The company to do right now, which I would love to do with a guy like you, is R-rated commercials for the internet.

Oh, that'd be great. Kick the level up. Yeah. Or just a little bit. Yeah. and do our rated commercials we find out what the YouTube it's a great idea

whatever is and just kick the level up a little bit yeah just a little bit no nudity no nothing stupid just a little bit just something to push the envelope to sell your product for it to be a little different no naked ass what it does that count it as anything whatever we can push

that's on cable now I mean I watch cable now and I hear fuck yeah when I watch the Mayans I hear some shit on there that shit is on network now I think they're Didn't they show someone's ass on network television already? Isn't that happen years ago? Come on, Lee, you know this. Probably off the check.

Come on Lee, you know this. But I mean, how much, are they, are they still spending a lot more on TV than they're spending online? Or is it starting to get more even? I mean, they're spending so much. The weird thing is, like, when I made tag, when I made the movie is they didn't spend a dime on print advertising. It all went to online.

And it was, and that's only recently happened. It makes sense, but they're not doing any ads in magazines and papers. All that's gone. Not much radio anymore. It's really all podcasts. It's a lot of Instagram and Facebook and still some TV, but it seems like it's more and more shifting towards Instagram. I mean, that's where I see most shit. Okay.

So you're in New York before we get to tech. You're in New York. Yeah. You direct Speedstick. Yeah. And then what's next? Well, like you're saying, it was like a weird time, right? like suddenly and I I moved out there and got out of college and when the like the first like internet

1.0 started and then failed pretty quickly and like after september 11 and i was doing there was almost the youtube thing going on there but then it completely went away and sort of came back in 4.05 and for everyone I knew like ucb new york like crorell and bad pali and milani and and uh aziz and huble all those guys are that were improvisers they were all getting money to make these web series. And, you know, it was like, you know, it was like 10 grand for five episodes or 15 grand for 10. But, I mean, we're all broke as shit. So that was like the greatest thing in the world to go make a comedy web series for 15 grand.

You know, then you could stretch it out, you know, and shoot for six, seven days because no one expected to get paid. So I was doing that as much as I could. And I made a short on my own and then got into AFI, out here, dropped out, like I said, did ads for a while. And it took years. I worked at MTV and marketing and then in promos. So I've made more sort of branded advertising, you know, through the, through like 07, 08. It's actually how I started smoking. So I was making the anti-smoking campaign for the truth. And the only place you could go to have like private conversations was a smoking area because it was hidden

from the client so like the line all the crew and the producer would go there and smoke so you know we're shooting overnights in Queens it's fucking miserable like a grocery store and one night I'm just like but I give me one of those parliaments because I was so fucking tired

there's like four in the morning or something like that in Queens and the next night I was like I'll take give me another one of those that wake me up a little bit and then I bought a pack and all happened on the the truths dot com yeah That's ridiculous.

That's crazy how you pick up smoking. I never said. I couldn't get in your car if I smoked. I moved to LA. No, it was before I moved to LA. I watched Stanhope one night how he would be a certain mood. And once he started smoking, he would be a certain mood. And one night I had, and then I saw Josh Wolf would always buy a pack of cigarettes on the way out and throw him away.

Yeah. Give him to somebody. He'd smoke eight cigarettes. I was like, that's not a bad idea. And one night after all those years, I smoked when I was about six. Yeah. In my bathroom, I got like a now cigarette.

I lit it and I was, I fucking got dizzy. Oh, that happened to me when I was like, oh God, when I was like 13, you know, I was, I was always a good kid, but me and my friends decided we'd steal a pack of cigarettes, went out on this, like out in this park or this golf course, and I smoked three cigarettes and just puked all over myself. And for the rest of time, I was an anti-smoker until, you know, 20 years later in this grocery store in Queens at 4 in the morning where I started

pick up parliaments to stay awake it's miserable I was like the anti smuggler that was putting putting like firecracker powder my dad's cigarettes that it so they explode you know it was an asshole me too I was anti I was anti yeah I fucking couldn't take it I could not take it in the room anymore I had grown up in bars yeah where you go home and you wake up a little over that's morning and even if you're not smoking. You remember that. Yeah, I got smell your clothes.

Oh, this is worse. And they would smell fucking horrific. And if there's anything, I'm, I hate orders, I hate smells, I hate smelly necks.

I just hate smelly things. Yeah, look at these noses we got, Joey. Yeah, the smells hit me on. I hate hippies that don't bat. All that shit.

I'm fucking against. I'm the same way. I love candles around my room. Yeah. It's got to be a nice. I got my fucking office smells like that Between the Jiu-Jitsu gear and the Oh no man

And the Santaria goats I got stashed and the fucking I think it's mostly the goats Wee and the fucking It smells horrible I gotta put a candle in there all day I got a frieze the fucking office Between farting

Sometimes I farting I come back eight hours later It's worse than when I left It's like a fucking fog The heat is on Sometimes I put the heat to dry the weed and then I push the button but I don't push stop

and every 20 minutes the heat goes on for 40 minutes I walk into my office It's a fucking sauna in there So now here's the thing I had When you went to AFI Is that the name of me? What did you see the first two days That made you quit?

Well the thing was like there was Sort of a preseason And we watched a bunch of movies over the summer And read a bunch of books And we got together All the other guys and girls that were in the in the program we got together and we'd like have barbecues and talk about movies and shit and they're all good people so but i like i hadn't realized that

most of them had a lot more money than me it could probably afford to go into the whole 120,000 i mean i imagine that's true of everybody how long is the program how many years it's two years but 60 000 60 000 a year because you're taking out you're not supposed to have um a job while you're doing so you're basically taking out your living expenses as well in loans and it's a great program i don't want to shit all over them or those people because it's still a lot of my friends but like for me i like i also freak out a lot and uh the first day the first day at college i went to try to take an oral exam to pass out of some oral communications credit and i got on my bike and rode 40 miles home to my parents house on the highway i'm i was a little bit a little i had some problems i'm one of those

guys to drive all the way and then you get your car. Yeah, yeah. So I had a I had like a little bit of a commitment problem that had nothing to do with them. But like for me it was a good choice because I went I took that risk of leaving before those

loans kicked in and I was in the hole and I probably was still paying them off. And then I went straight into that commercial and then there was just one thing slowly. And I was broke for a long time. But I slowly was able to make more shit and more shit. Try to figure out what I was doing.

You know, fell on my face a few times, learned a little bit from it. But it was a long process, man. I was like, you know, that was 14 years ago. Even thinking about it, it doesn't feel. It feels like it went by and a flash and a high, but it took a long time to get to a place where I could make a movie or even make a few TV shows. Just to make, now, did you have any directors that you admired?

Oh, sure. You would look at and go, this is what I want to do. Well, the funny thing is, like, I think I originally, got interested because I my dad you put on the John Carpenter's the thing remember that movie yes from the 80s from 84 I think great man is even before that he and there's a previous one from the 50s that Howard Hawksdoract is black and white very wholesome not terrifying he thought he was putting on that that 1950s film and he accidentally put on the John Carpenter Rated Kurt Russell film it's fucking terrifying it's just people's gut spilling it's fucking gourd

is shit. Still my favorite movie this day, but it gave me nightmares for three weeks. I was just shit myself screaming, having night terrors, sleeping with my parents as a kid. But I came out of that, I came out of that hellstorm, and I was like, I want to learn how to do that to other people. And I got way into, like, horror movies.

Really, you like horror movies? I love horror movies, man. They're my favorite thing. I came out here to be an editor, and I was always petrified, like, what if I get a big break and I have to edit horror? Because I don't, I would do a terrible job. I hate Like, that's it. Do you get scared of Yeah, I jump. The stuff that's supposed to make me jump, I jump.

You're not going to go see the new Halloween? Fuck, no. I haven't said any of them. Horror is a genre that it's a really weird genre because it's camera angles. Music. It's music and the pacing. Yeah. If a director can't do that with horror, like I told these guys, this last week on AMC, the Exorc has been on.

And it's been on every day. Yeah. And I've been catching 20, 30 minutes. of it. And if I have to say my all-time favorite directed movie of all time is the exorcist. Whoever did the exorcist. Freedkin.

DP shots. Also, the DP did two or three shots that were brilliant. Oh, that's beautiful. You know, we have so many things that are missing. Like, there's people complaining all the time. And I appreciate people complaining, especially people my age, or a little older, maybe a little younger. I complain about the film.

from the 70s, the 60s, and the 80, and what's getting made today. And I think it starts, you know, yes, it starts with the script, and it starts with the bullshit from the studio and how they try to pair people up. But it also starts with the director. When I was doing a lot of $100 day films,

there was a time, three years, Jeff, after 2007, that I did $10, $100 day films. Really? Well. And I got to work, and I asked. You know, like, I worked with Harold. Ramis. I'll analyze that. The only reason I knew the movie was going to have was a dog with fleas. When I read the script, I knew it was a dog with fleas, but I didn't care. I wanted to talk to

Harold Ramis. I wanted to pick his mind. I liked things he did in stripes. There was just a couple movies he directed out there. I think he wrote stripes. He wrote stripes. He wrote stripes. Yeah, I haven't directed. And then, you know, there was just something that I wanted to ask him about comedy something about the way he wrote comedy and stuff that I really liked it was subtle it was like a finger in the ass I love fingers in the ass

not literally I like him I don't like him literally either when I got to West Palm Beach the other day I got him on Thursday and I was scrolling to the channels and I didn't really want to go out and I asked this dude and I called Lee

right away and I go Lee I read some Italian food and I'm excited and the food came and I put it on the plate nice and I had somebody called and I was charging the phone when I came and it was nightmare on Elm Street okay and I haven't seen that movie since probably 1980 1980 1884 he always makes a little thinking about something real deep damn it I'll go away I hadn't seen that movie I hadn't seen that movie since 1984 yeah when I came out that tongue yeah um out of the phone.

Yeah. Like my fucking heart stopped. It's still a good movie. It still holds up, right? It still holds up. There was a couple different things that. It's not. It hasn't made his way over here at this end of the tail.

It's not going to. It's over that stuck. It's a fucking sharpshooter. It mixes with the odor of his neck and it just stays there. That's why my neck stinks. My neck smells fine. God damn. Yeah, I mean, that, that movie's so good.

You know, and the weird thing, is the movie I made, it was Newline, it was the same studio and they called the house that Freddie built because those movies made so much money that they created a whole studio out of just that franchise. That's how good those things were. And they're funny too.

I've seen bad horror. Yeah. Like, there's bad horror. When it's bad. When it's bad is bad. It's like a bad comedy. But I used to go see all the lighter horror shows. Like, what was the one with

all the young girls and the young kids? what was that the one that they did? Scream, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I also used to go to, in the early days, I would go to all those original, this Walking Dead. That's why I never got into the Walking Dead. Yeah. Because I got into the whole George Romero.

Oh, yeah, those are classics. All those classics. I used to go to Jersey City, the midnight movies. Aren't some of those horrors supposed to be bad? Let me tell you some. If you watch any scene from a George Romero movie now, If you're my age, you're like, I'm a bit embarrassed. Let's just blame it on the acid, all right.

Because we and my buddies would take acid. We take acid and go to a fucking night of the living dead. There was one, and they were racist as fuck. Oh, yeah. Like, if you think the little rascals are racist, you haven't seen anything. There was one where the helicopter was taking. taking off and it was a black he was just killing black people that day George Romero in a night of living that there's one of them that I'm out

it's Pittsburgh in the 70s look what it was George Romero let's look for 76 76 through 78 maybe even 75 he put out a movie one of those things where it's a zombie apocalypse and Donna the Dead baby Dorn of the mall when the malls watched those yeah you have to you have to but there's one of them with the guys like mama mama and he was a black guy and he fucking chopped his head off but there was another one they actually come down well it's funny because i think the first one he got he had a black main character in night of living dead which was a whole thing right really yeah that you and did no one

had ever done that in a horror before and then this guy comes out of pittsburg so maybe he just undid it in the next in the next one what you're looking for but i see why i thought yeah maybe i was too aggressive now we're just going to go the other way 77 76 he did martin and then he did Donald the Dead in 78. That was the one that killed me. Martin's a fucked up movie, too. It's a great movie. Yeah, a guy thinks he's a vampire.

He starts just running around with a syringe, drawing blood from people and then drinking it. Oh, crazy. He's not? No, he's just a fucking psychopath. It's a great fucking movie. But Donner of Dead is where we were tripping hard on something. We were doing angel dust.

Are you? For the movies? We used to go to the fucking lunchtime. Somebody's telling me that angel dust is coming back around. The people are doing PCP. Probably. For three bucks, you're doing anything. That's crazy.

They would call it something else. They used to call it T.HC crystal. That's how we got into it. And then in Harlem, they would call it something else. And wherever you would buy weed, you were able to buy angel dust. So the guy would go, I got tens and I got trays. Trey is a $3 bag. And it was basically a pinner.

If you rolled it, it wouldn't burn. So you had to put it in the weed, roll it, and smoke it. Woo! Woo. It's a pinner. 12 hours. Pinner's real thin, tiny. 12 hours, nine hours of constant.

You don't know where you are, constant. What's the skinny guy from Friday? Is that the thing that made him get in the chicken coop? Yeah, he smoked PCP or something like that. He just smoked weed, yeah. And we went to see daughter the dead. And I think the opening the scene, the helicopter lands. Yeah.

And it's trying to save people. getting attacked by dead people and the black guy gets on top of box to grab the helicopter and the fucking chopter just cuts off his fucking head right that's how it opens up and you're like and then the Marines coming

in there shooting black people that's all I remember them when they shoot all these fucking black I think maybe the maybe the PCB was what came in a racial statement in your brain what came out of daughter after dawn of dead he did a night riders creep show day of the dead

yeah that was The third in that trilogy, yeah. Monkey Shines? Oh, monkey shines, yeah. I had a key growing up that today he only, he doesn't own it anymore. He quit sci-fi. Yeah. He said he called into the podcast.

We were in a band together in the sixth grade. And he went on to work for sci-fi. He was a VP of Development. Really? Work for them. He told us a story. And he goes, but I started paying attention to how my kids were watching TV. And every time I would tell sci-fi, they would tell me to go fuck myself.

Until one day I cashed in my pension, I told him to go fucking size. And he's a horror show freak. So he bought horror movies from all over the world. Put him on YouTube, $7 a month. He got the last I heard he had a lot of subscribers. He was making a lot of money. And he sold it. Yeah.

And then he started something else. He couldn't start a horror genre. Horror was big when I was growing up. Well, you know, the funny thing to me is, like, I thought I wanted to do it forever. And then I got a car. Yeah, and there's a weird, there's a weird similarity between horror movies and comedy to me. I mean, they're both, they're both like such visceral things. It's so subjective.

But like, they function sort of in the same way. You just exchange jokes for scares in those movies. This surprise, right? Yeah. It's that, it's that like, that laugh and that scare sort of like activating the same part of your brain. It's like this like release. It's why I think their best horror movies are sort of, have. big laughs in them too.

They do. They are really comedy and campy all these horror movies. It's weird. When you look at jackass, it is almost the same. It's like the guy getting punched in the,

like kicked in the nuts by a donkey, replaced that with getting stabbed by a monster. They're both funny. But there's a difference between horror and like thriller. I can almost do thriller. I just don't like, whenever they have those ghost or demon movies and they,

the music gets you and they appear out nowhere and I'd jump and I look and ask. Like, uh, what was the one? Well, I'm getting as we're going to watch a conjuring. Oh, yeah, the conjuring. That was it. Yeah, such a good movie. No, it's not.

You're going to do with people. We're going to watch together. I just want to watch you scream. Oh, I would die. I was, yeah, I got crazy. Yesterday, it was Sunday. And like I said, the exorcists have been on all week. Yeah.

And I had the morning off. I did a couple things. I ran some errands. And I get home and I, my wife called. and she goes me and the baby gonna stop at rouse and we'll come over we'll be over like you know what this is gonna be the only chance i'm like let me go watch the score to new england game and the wingland was up 31 24 with like nine minutes left to go and i go let me see what else is on the exorcist was on and it was from the scene when the priest walked in to yeah what he's coaching him like the priest goes to him

he was a psychiatrist yeah he's like listen uh and the guy goes listen saint this kind of He's going to get to you psychologically. You can't listen to him. He's a liar. He attacks you psychologically. That's how he attacks you. And I'm watching the camera angles. And how the exorcists scares the fuck out of you without saying a word.

They really don't show blood. They don't show anything. She petrifies you. When he elevated, when she elevated. And they had to shoot that in a freezer. Yeah. So they could get the breath. That's insane.

That little girl. Should sue the studio today. Probably. Why for mistreatment? Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh, my God. She never recovered from that at 12.

She showed up 20 years later with Rick James. Was she 12? She was 12. Wait, Rick James? Tell me all about this. She was dating Rick James. No fucking way. Yeah.

The Exorcist girl? Yeah, Linda Blair. Linda Blair. That's right. She wanted to do a lot of stuff, though, right? I don't think of that. That's why I know her name from. Justin Xxon.

What's just in your pussy? It's pretty much over. In 1973, cautionary tale for all the other. The part I walked in with last night. The other night was when the mother comes in and she smacks her and then her head spins around. And when the mother comes in, she's got the cross. And she's stabbing a pussy. And she's like, fuck me, fuck me.

And the mother's like, what the fuck? And then she takes her by the ears and she makes her eat a pussy. And you actually hear that, well, what are you doing? And she smacks her. And now is that, come on. That scene is so brutal. You don't recover from that. Yeah, no 12-year-old should ever see that.

So yesterday, my daughter walks in. She's fucking five. She walks in, jumps on top of me. The two priests are talking, they're talking about God. And she loves all that shit. She went to St. Paul. So she says prayers at dinner every night. She says prayers at night.

She's into all that shit. God bless her. I could care less. but they're talking about God and then he's telling them about Satan and she's like interested she's like so Satan and I'm like yeah but God is always

stronger than Satan and all of a sudden they walk into the room there's Linda Blair So my daughter's working with it she's like looking at me and I'm like it's gonna be fine she's gonna end up being a director now this is that what my dad did to me

she starts yelling or something in different tongues and then she starts going when she went like this was, and the tongue was really long, like it was like an eight inch tongue. That was it. Mercy was like, hmm. She ran out of there. You just get playing this?

Oh yeah. Fuck yeah. I got to see this shit. My wife came in and she goes, you know, you really got to knock it off with that shit. I go, you got to see the world. That movie is X rated, isn't it? No. X rated. No, no, no, no, no. From Freud. That's our rating. That's our rating. And she did the sequel too. She did the Exorcist too.

And they, yeah. I think they create, didn't they create the X rating for that movie or something like that it's ready to R on IMDB let me see what happens when it was originally released that's what we're thinking yeah yeah it was like Scarface because it was so terrifying right yeah and then they he called in a hundred witnesses yeah yeah yeah exactly cut out a bunch of parts and they wouldn't show the blade going into his arm right that's what they were concerned about so the movie association made them go like this and then show the ball the baller blood hit right what with the with the chainsaw with the chainsaw because they actually had the chainsaw going to the yard I wonder how he did that I'd love to see that so they cut that up so he

the guy who directed it did French connection and then this yeah he's a sad and then they were saying it barely escaped the X rating but in cities like Boston and Washington DC children under 17 were not admitted it was treated like X rating yeah I went to see that motherfucker at the age of 10 at the Union City cinnamon they didn't say boo to me As long as you had $2, you get a kid. Fucked up. We went to see everything at that. So that came out in the 70.

I also saw the Godfather there at the Union City Cinema. When he showed the titties, I fucking went bananas. My face got all red. I got hot in the movie theater. Do you remember those movies that you'd watch with your mom, and then there would be a nudity? And it was the worst thing. I saw a fish called Wanda with my dad.

And when they start having it's funny. He's like this, smell it. I'm just like, oh, don't feel comfortable. I remember accidentally, like, watching a movie that didn't seem like it was going to have nudity in it. And then it would come on. My mother would be sitting next to me and I'm like, oh, this is going to be emotionally scarred. This is not going to go away? I'm never getting over this moment.

There were these movies that came out for a few years. And they were called something. They were called the genre. But the main two where it was Kentucky Fried movie. Yeah, screwball. Kentucky Fried movie is that what they call? I think so, yeah. Screwball.

And it was up. Amazon Women on the Moon, Groove Tube. The Groove Tube. Groove Tube. That was... And Chavez Chase. Charlie. Groove Tube.

And they showed Titty's Groove Tube. Yeah. The one I talked to my mom in to get an HBO for. Yeah, Amazon Women was just like that with Arsenio Hall when he gets killed by everything in his apartment. Oh, yeah. And falls out the window. And then they extended that as soon as he falls out, that extends to a new scene. Yeah.

But that's, is that one of Kentucky five movie where they're just being, how do you want to die? It's like being chased by a hundred by a 10,000. like nude women or topless women you see some guy coming over the hill and then behind him all these boobs bouncing up and now that's Kentucky Fried movie that was the greatest some girl like

some girl goes some guy goes show me you're nuts and he just starts going blah that's on YouTube that's one of the goofy the scene that still

which one the scene that still fucks with me from Kentucky Fried movie we were on something we were on something We were on something. And when they're in court, and the guys that can invict,

when the judge asks him, like, what do you want to do? And he takes a dildo out, and he puts it on his head. And he's like, I am from another planet. I am from the planet, Dildo, whatever. It was the dumbest thing. I just lost it at the movie theater.

In group two, it was Cherry Chase, playing the drums on some guy's head singing, I'm looking over a four-leave plant. the end he just smacks the guy and the guy falls over. It was like Saturday Night Live before Saturday Night Live. Yeah. I think he even, I think Groove Tube even was before Saturday Night Live.

Yes. Or it was like his first summer off. Yeah, because when he did SNL, he was already a sort of a star. Yeah, yeah. He was talking about the end of the first year and ever started to hate him. I think, yeah, I think maybe it was it was either after his first year or right before. I don't know. We could look this up on the internet.

My favorite scene from that was the Daredevil. From Groove Tube? No. Oh. Kentucky 5 movie Amazon. No, no. I don't know which one it was. The Tucker 5 movie,

The Dead Devil was a white dude. He puts on a helmet. A helmet. Oh my God. Zips up his fucking overalls. And he goes, the daredevil seeks out danger, whatever. And he just starts walking. He's in the hood and there's this dice game.

And he just stands right in the middle and they all look up like, what the fuck is this guy? And he just goes, I'm just going to do it real quick. No. He just yells the end words like, and they all like, what? And they all like, what? And they start running. Danger seek is. That was fucking hilarious.

Is this a horror movie? No, it's a comedy. Oh my God. This is a different thing. It was like, yeah, it was like anthology movies where it was just sketches. And there were those three movies that all came out right after another. And the Kentucky Fried movie, which I think is consistently the funniest by far. It was the Zucker brothers who made airplane next.

Oh. So it was those guys that did. Was Amazon women not by the not Kentucky Fried movie people? No, that's John Landis who then directed the same people. No, he directed America from London and fuck, what else did Landis? I mean, Twilight's in the movie.

That was a good one. Animal House. Animal House. Yeah, he directed Animal House. Yes, he did. Ramis wrote it, and I'm pretty sure Landis directed it, see if I'm an asshole late because

I did a commercial audition for John Landis once. And he was like, oh, you're a comedian, looked at my resume. I was like, yeah. He's like, oh, what are he performed? I was like, you should come in one night. And he goes, I'd probably get mobbed. And in my head, I'm like, fucking relax commercial director.

He's going to fucking mob you. You also fucking directed Thriller, the music video for Thriller. Oh, wow. I think he got trouble. He did the Twilight Zone. Yeah, he killed, he got... Somebody fell off face. But guess what?

They were shooting a helicopter shot, and I think he kept saying go lower, got lower, and they crashed or something terrible happened. And he was a kiss of death. Yeah, Rames wrote it with Douglas Kenny and someone else and then John Mendes. Yeah, from Lampont. I met, I met Lannis. Directed it, right? Did you really?

I met Lannis and had a pretty. nice conversation with him and guess on what Spider-Man too really he's one of the surgeons oh that's right doc goes crazy that's right so we shot he's one of my biggest heroes except I love him I love John Landis he's my favorite because he did cool comedies and then he did cool

drama stuff all right until he killed people with helicopters he was the fucking perfect guy but you know he was very quick came on the scene he came on the set we were doing the train set this is a great story so I'm with there was an A unit and a B unit.

The B unit was the director from C Biscuit. Yeah. This was before C Biscuit. Gary Ross. So this is like, he was the B director on Spider-Man too, but what happened was, you know, it's like, Ramey going, listen, you can direct this. Yeah.

Let me do this, and I'll throw you the next one, and they gave him C-Biscuit. Yeah, right. But he was doing B. And while he was shooting B, he was talking to me about shooting C-Biscuit. Really? It was either going to be next or he started next week.

I think that's Gary Ross who directed. Yeah, really interesting shit. Big. So now we're all standing like, he wouldn't let me get on the train. Yeah. Because that was too big. Yeah. He'd go, Joey, just go to your hotel room.

You bother me. And he was just an honest, honest guy. Harry would really like this guy. How else, whatever his name is. Who directed Spider-Man to? Sam Ramey. Oh, he's the best. Another one of my heroes, for sure.

a great guy. So the same suit every day. Gary was. Same suit every day. Same white shirt. Dust on the suit, Lint. He looks at things differently.

So now they're doing the dark arc. While we're doing the doc arc scene on the train. Yeah. Right across from us at Sony, they're doing the dark arc scene in the operating

room when he goes crazy and starts to pinning doctors and shit. Yeah. But before lunch, I see John Landis. And I'm looking at him and I'm like, I know. motherfucker. Yeah, yeah.

I'd go fucking nuts if I saw John Linus. I wouldn't mob him. I'm there for an hour. I'm there for an hour and I'm looking at him. You know, out of the corner of my eye, we're all eating. Yep. And finally somebody said, Joey, do you know John Landis? And I'm like, oh, shit.

It's crazy. And he was very humble. He was very nice to meet you. How are you? How long have you been on the side? I go fucking 13 days. And he goes, that's great. You know, and he had blues on.

Like hospital blues. And I go, you direct me? No, I didn't say nothing. He goes, I got a scene as one of the doctors. You're fighting. And we broke it down. He goes, you're fighting. Doc Ock.

This is before Doc Ock gets to you. He was very nice. I didn't say much to him. I didn't know much, like, what to say. I was a little bit shy. And then we broke. And then I shot my scene with the fucking dude. They shot it from all angles.

And then you're like, you're wrapped. This is the 14th day. Wow. So for the last 10 days. days i would get there early smoke dope in my no no trailer they gave us the condos in the back of sony yeah nobody knows they got condos in the back in the middle and they each eat they sleep eight per condo and you have a little room a couch a big screen tv which they didn't have in those days they just had a tv remote yeah and i would smoke back there and like in the hallway and then i would

see him because the wardrobe was next door right right so he'd walk and i go mr Ramis, whatever. Sam, Sam, can I talk to you? Sam? And he go, yes, Jerry, what's the problem? He goes, Christian, somebody keeps smoking dope. And the fucking, this has to end. And he goes, I'll get to the bottom of this. Every morning I did this story. He knew. I was, like, I'm having, they're serving lobster tails on Friday. Ah, God, man. You understand me? This is, this is 203, 202. Yeah, something like that. Wait, did you say Gary Ross directed?

Yeah, Gary Ross. See Biscuit. Sea Biscuit. But Ramey directed Spider-Man 2. But Gary was the second unit director. Okay, got it. So they go, Joey. God damn, if I met any of those guys, I'd live my show. They go, Joey, you cut.

So before I met, what's the star from Boogie Nights that played Doc Ock? Yeah, Marky Mark. No, no. He played Doc Rock. What's it? What do you say? Alfred Molina? Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, I get there, I shake Raymond's hand. Thank you for hiring me. He goes, this is he's too big. Just let go back to your room. Every day I would see him for five minutes, and he would crack a joke at me. But the best, Alfred Belina's there.

And he goes, did you guys rehearse yet? And I go, no. He goes, by the way, I'm so sorry. Alfred, do you know Joe? And he goes, no. And Alfred Molina puts his hand out. And he goes, very nice to meet you. And I go, very nice to meet you.

And how Sam Ramey looks at Malina. And he goes, I had to hire him. What do you want for me? He did get on the audition. And all of a sudden, Alfred's like, what are you talking about? I'm just kidding the both of you. That's the type of guy he was.

So it's the last day we rap. I'm wrapped. So Sam goes over to see what's at the thing. I go to my locker room. I get the rest of my shit. And as I'm walking out, I got to thank the guy. I got to thank the guy. So I walk in, I go, Mr. Ramey, thank you for hiring me.

You've been a pissing. He goes, come here, give me hug. And I gave him a hug. And I go, up to now, you're the best director I worked with. And he goes, cut. He goes, cut, cut. Tell him what you just told me. And Landis came over and shook my hand, that was it.

Oh, man, that's great. And then last year I went to a pitch meeting, and I'm sitting there, and somebody teaks me, and they go, look who it is. It's Sam Ramey. Didn't say a word. I kept my call, and they came to get him. And as he was getting up, you know, how they come and get you.

Hi, I'm Susan. Hi, hi, Ari. And who are you? You're Nicco. And who are you? While they were doing that, the lady came to get me, and we all had to walk up the stairs together. So he looked at me and he goes,

how have you been? And I go, I didn't think I was going to remember. You were going to remember me. He goes, please, we still talk about it because all his friends are in those movies. He puts that whole Detroit crew in that. And there's one guy that still comes to the comedy store, once a year and he gives me a hug and shit.

Since Evil Dead they've been doing. Yes, not the guy that's the popular guy. He's got about 15 guys. Yeah. He's got more guys than Adam Sandler. Yeah. that he puts in his movies. Oh, yeah, it's that whole crew from Michigan State.

Yeah, the whole fucking crew. So they're pretty impressive, man. Yeah, that's amazing. I still called me once a year Hammond. Then he shows up to the store three days later. Fucking Hammond. Oh, that's fucking amazing. The guy who created the evil dead,

the guy who wrote big, the guy who created the American Werewolf from London and directed his own house, all in one set. It's pretty fucking insane. When you run up against those people, like, what do you do? I just try not to ship my,

pants but you know the thing is everyone is sort of just a on a normal human being I try to remember not to be jaded about it you know now like every time I like drive onto a lot where I'm working my office on Paramount there was on Warner brothers you know I drive to work me I don't want to go to work today like it's a fucking accounting job and then I've got an office on a lot and that's what I want to do since I was a kid in Iowa it's pretty fucking great it is cool too when you go there even for an audition something it's not a level of like working there but you go there and like

fucking traffic shut us. And then you see like an opening our tour bus go by. Yeah, exactly. These people are paying to just look at where I'm going. That is so weird every time. Because there's trams going by all day.

Roger Rabbit. I was like, ooh, taking pictures. Yeah, I would sometimes walk along with them because I didn't know any of the trivia shit that they're talking about. I was like, oh, those are the windows from Sycom? I didn't know that that's what that was. Do you remember the first credit you saw? I don't know if was a TV or movie for you but oh that's pretty exciting yeah it's still fucking crazy to me honestly like we just

even when i was seeing the rough cuts of uh the netflix series it's fucking when it says directed by jeff thomsock i'm still pretty psyched about it yeah you know and everyone like you know all my friends who grew up in a shithole town in i were just sending me screenshots of my directing credit on everything yeah it's tough not to get jaded but it's cool when you step back and and like do put yourself in that position of like a newbie where you're like oh that actually that is pretty cool yeah it's cool coming from From nowhere near here, you know? Yeah.

From Iowa, Maryland, from fucking, God knows where, because you don't know where your birth certificate is really from. New York. Now, there's a question I have for you. And where's the rap, bro? Whatever. When you were in New York, you did a couple of little, like, web series. Yeah, yeah.

With comedians. Yep. And then you came out here, the first thing that you did comedy-wise that this is not happening? No. No, I, well, I did those web series. With like T. people yeah i uh i was first these these guys pete and brian um were a common do in york at

ucb brian zaka is on the show wreck now and pete left the business and now um a therapist um which has got to be real trouble trouble for his patience because he's so funny he could just utterly destroy these people um but uh but they drag me in and they introduced me to like uh Kroll and Polly those guys and and and and T.J. Miller and that's how I did like a you know a pilot for MTV with Tj and Kroll and those two dudes and fuck what I don't know what the hell do you remember what what when we met for this not happening what the fuck else was I doing I don't even you were just sort of in that scene like the UCB oh I made the sure I made it that short with Tj that yeah yeah you oh right before that yeah so I just come out of Sundance

and met Sam and Eric. It was just like all these young directors, actors, and writers, and the UCB or that world anyway. I'll call the UCB. It wasn't just that. Well, there are people out of Chicago. Jordan Roberts out of Chicago.

Did Skull Island. It was badass. And Watts out of New York from, God, I can't remember. Dian, I can't remember his group. But there were a lot of people kind of my age that were doing shit. Now, before you shot,

this is not happening. Yeah. Which is stand up, Not really. Yeah. It's a form of stand-up. Did you watch? What did you watch to prepare you to shoot?

Yeah, but beyond the openings, what did you watch in terms of shooting stand-up itself? Well, you know, I had seen, you know, I've been to clubs. I've been watching people live a bunch and then seen like what Comedy Central was putting out as hours. And I was, the whole reason I pitched on this not happening, what I did was like that it didn't look like anything that represented actually seeing a comedy show. You'd like go watch Hannibal or whoever, except for mashup, which Jordan and TJ did was fucking amazing. It was a whole different thing. It was a whole different thing.

But like most of those specials look like a Michael Bolton concert from 1992. God, they were so glossy. They were all blue. Blue. Yeah. Blue. Why blue? They look like, they look like an entertainment, like something, you know, like a live show for

some Kenny G concert. But then it was supposed to be comedy. And I was like, why don't we try to make this look like a club show? and because I never really seen that and that's yeah thanks give me one too we yeah so I never seen anything

that looks like that I don't know Ari was there anything that looked like this is not happening out I don't know no because like the what was the John Oliver's show it was all too oh shit sorry what was John Oliver's show

talk I remember but I don't remember doing it I remember I couldn't get on it but I don't have a big not his HBO one right no the Comedy Central one the showcase show that he did it was really great that he shot at Webster Hall I think right in New York

where you shot Jay special yeah yeah but I can't fuck I can I my memory is going man I'm so old yeah what was it John it was the showcase show on Comedy Central for about two or three years yeah it was called like the comedians or the New York stand-up show no no it was something that's John Oliver

do we just call John Oliver no way Combecentral presents or something new it was something very general and I can't remember but that was I mean that was the best looking show a mashup was like the best looking show It was still one of the best looking comedy shows ever But I wanted to do something

That looked like a club show Looked like an old Also like an old Lenny Bruce show In a strip club that was like smoky and gritty I was already experimenting with that a little bit With like my special Yeah And you guys had done the show in

In Montreal right In a strip club or in like a weird Like secret club So I want to capture that feeling and then I wanted you know when we start talking about making the show theme base Which I think wasn't totally initially how how we or no because that's how you ran the live show The live shows that and they were like should we do that I'm like I like I like that part yeah I really liked it to do it because it It made it seem like everything to talk about was thematic which is really important to me Regardless of what I'm doing it's like I want a theme I want to what we're talking about where we're telling stories about to matter

in some human way. And I love that. And I was like, okay, how can we get people excited about that idea, like family or drugs? You know, what's the most bombastic, crazy fucking thing? We can blow up in the beginning of this to be like, oh, this is the theme for the night. So I just want to do something as insane as possible, you know, with our eating a cheeseburger with a whole, with his uncle exploding behind him in a, we'll eat 10 foot fireball. But way before that, we did this, just the moving around. the cheetahs, which was a really cool shot.

That was one crazy night yet. I remember that, you know, we had a lot of the comics there, but, but who's the, oh, Doug, Benson could only be there for like 15 minutes. Do you remember this? No. So I had to come up with something where I could keep Benson and everyone there and shoot the damn hole open in like 15 minutes. Out of necessity.

Out of necessity. You came up with that. So we came up with that idea. I had a steady cam operator. I called him up. He did it for cheap. Who? Fuck, you're going to keep.

Does it fucking matter. Tell the story. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. Now I'm going to forget his name because I'm an idiot. But I remember his Instagram, which is more fucked up, steady mom. But I can't remember his name. That is what's ruined America.

Anyway, so we did this thing where we just had everyone freeze and hold still. And then we moved the camera really quickly around everybody in slow-mo. And then when we played it back, it looked like this very smooth, slow shot, just weaving around frozen people. And then I... Each doing the craziest thing. And do it's crazy shit. Like, you know, like Patton was like puking on somebody.

I think on safer. On safer. No, because Canane is like pouring beers on safer. Abrams. Goat knuckle. Abrams is punching somebody in one of the... Walsh brothers in the face Sigura's shooting a panda

Or no somebody else is shooting the panda He's or the elephant It was fucking crazy anyway We set it all up and shot it And then Ari starts in the beginning And then he ran around out of Out of sight of the lens Took off all of his clothes

Stripped naked and this And handcuffed himself to the stripper pole In front of all these extras That are just holding still And had no idea that he was going to have His dick right in front of their faces Two feet away from their head So they just had to try not to laugh and inches away from Ari's giant sagging ball sack.

They're just like acting like they're cheering in frozen in space. How many Central cut that part out? We had, well, we had to blur it out, but it's very clear what's happening. That's my logo now. Those fucking beginnings. This is not happening. Oh, so fun. Sensation.

They were unheard of. I couldn't figure out what the fuck you guys were doing. And once I'd watch them, I'd go, geez. Jesus, this is great. It's still like the most pure that I've ever been in my, because I basically just sit around and be like, what's like, what is my 12-year-old fantasy? My Comedy Central had to wake up the fourth year and go, what the fuck is going on? This is like nothing we have on this. This cannot exist.

Look at the openings to this. He's getting chased by road warriors. Well, the weird thing is I don't think they even know what we're doing. We were on our own. Yeah, we did it on our, we did it on the internet at first. So we sort of snuck under the radar and then it was a thing. you know um which was great because it would cost fucking zero zero dollars i mean that first season i think we shot the whole season for like 25 grand or something like that the youtube season

the whole first youtube season it was not just we never i never got a residual from youtube i'm just saying no we weren't getting us yes we well we signed something oh really yeah we got to do an audit we got to do an audit i'm gonna say something to your face so you just so you know the reason why i really wanted you to come in i fucking hate looking at at myself. So do I. I just don't like it. I just don't like,

especially when you go on the road. Oh, I know that feeling. You walk past the mirror in the hotel room. You look completely different than your home mirror. Oh, yeah. Because your home mirror favors you. It hides the fat around your ass and your knees. When you go to Vegas, when you go to Vegas,

you're like, I'm a fat motherfucker. I got to go to the gym. I got bullet hooms. I look like that stripper I spit on during the Laker game, like right from what? So I'm going to tell you something right out. For years, I shot stuff. If you look at my MDB, bro, I shot a bunch of shit.

For years, I pissed everybody off because I wouldn't show the premieres or, you know, screenings at the director's guilt. It just ain't my bag. For me, I don't want to see Daileys. I don't want to see nothing. I hear you, man. I'm going to be strictly honest. There's only two things I watch of myself that make me fucking laugh my ass off. And that's the nun story.

To this day, I could watch the whole 14 minutes. And fucking how. With the ring? And say that that is one of the best pieces of work. That and when my stepfather punched the cab drive. Man, I had so much fun shooting that stuff. That shit to me, when I saw it on tape, first of all, I couldn't believe I would say in those type of stories.

I never told those stories to anybody. And it just, you know, it was just, when Ari said say the story, I had done that bit for about six months and it went nowhere. None? Yeah. It only killed in New York. It killed in New York,

killed heavy in New York because it's a nun community. But everyone else, I was going to Iowa, and they were looking at me like, we don't even know what a fucking nun is. I saw a kill so hard one time. Yeah.

When it killed, it was a kid. It was a theater. Maybe it was in New York. It was in Vegas. Yeah, it was a broken. Yeah. And I was like, God, Dan. And then we started doing that show.

I'm like, dude, you have to do that story for me. It was so good. When I did it on that night, I don't know what. What year was that that we did that story? I can't remember. 215. 215 and 216. 216 and 216.

It's one of my best storyteller years. Those were, those two. The Ryder to me was one of the best. Zerrida was season three. That was the TV season, yeah. Didn't Zerrider get mixed up with one punching a guy and I couldn't speak Spanish and all that shit? Maybe. You did both those that night, I think.

maybe you're supposed to call her z but halfway through you just switched to oh yeah yeah my name was the right of it ever kept telling me i couldn't say her real name i go she's fucking oh yeah we'd have a whole argument about that she's been fucking dead she's dead for there's so many arguments it could be that's crazy to me because you've been on fucking every even thinking i forget about the the course of time but we shot that first season for digital on in 2012 2012 that's what it was we've been doing almost seven years at this point it's fucking crazy yeah

fuck i still remember going down to the first time it was me you mark marron and somebody else and i was gonna go down there and tell a story about something and mark marron mentioned pink floyd and on the spot i just said i'm gonna tell my pink floyd story with looms and getting acid and there's a joke that i came up with that night on stage really that i revamped it and used it today what was the Joe about I said I just was on stage and I said something about in those days there wasn't really in New York I had never heard of a mushroom yeah oh yeah yeah yeah 80 in New York there's no mushrooms yeah they were like something like that you dreamed about like people come back I went to California and in a magic mushroom and he would be like a god like oh it was like

ayahuasca today with all these assholes I went to the jungle and ayahuasca ooh you get the same by going to the Bronx and buying that Chinese heroin. I'll take it to the same place. You're going to avoid passports. Nobody knows your business. You've got to go to Costa Rica and fucking drown. You see those idiots that went to Costa Rica for the honeymoon for their fucking

Bats of a party? You know what Batsy party is to me? You got two of your friends, you swam to secrecy, maybe one, because you're going to always kill them. Three, you've got there's two that can team up on you. You got a hooker, you fuck them, and then you kill them, and you let them on fire for five days. Take them to a hotel room in Vegas. For five days? Just give them dick and put them in the

closet when the maid comes and make believe like nothing's happened when they come in. Oh la, K Taos. They come in, they clean, you pull her out, you start snort and you're fucking, that's a batson party. In the 70s of batser party, somebody was stuck on 18 dicks. There was anal. It was fucking blow. Somebody had a lot of the hospital. I just went fishing. There was no... My batser party, I was on probation. So I bought an eight ball and sat at home My brother-in-law, my brother George And we watched MTV all night

Snorton Coke My brother-in-law kept asking me Why did you just have an abortion? Why did you have the kid? I'm like, I'm marrying your sister, you're fucking... When you started... When you start... When you start with the fuck

That's my light. That's my weed lighter. So what? It's just fire. No, but I don't want gum on my fucking carpet. Not touching it. Are you lighting gum on fire right now? I'm trying to like the gun on fire right now. I'm trying to like the gun on. Mike, you're right. You're a good point. Good point. I am going to get the gum on the criminal.

This I'm going to deal with. Don't do that because then I got to pay the security deposit. You stepped on gum like an idiot. Look on the floor. It's still looking on your phone when you're walking. You'd think the fucking gum is going to make you pay the security deposit here with the fucking drugs in the ceiling. Go behind you. Look at the, look at the, look at what I brought you. Get those two batteries. You see those batteries right in front of there? There's batteries right there. You see that? That's Wolfman Jacks of official acid. What? Batteries in the acid bag?

Oh yeah, I just did it for the first time. This is acid? Yeah. Really? Should I not say that on? Look at that plotter acid right there. This is not the wrong one. You just do two, one of those, that's it. That's all you need. I did it. You don't want these? No, I do want to. Fuck yeah. Well, people with the battery, so the acid leased of the battery and goes into the acid to give it that full fucking.

This is Wolfman Jackass. You can charge a remote. I'll do this. You put this in your bag, and if the cops pull you over on the plane, they don't know, it's batteries. They can get 20 executives to look in here, and they won't find that blood ass.

That's how I fly. That's genius. I've been flying with that for fucking two months. Every week. And then two last week in West Palm Beach, I met some girl. Downstairs in the lobby, and I'm like, I got ass those days.

She says, I'd love to do ass. I went up, and I guinea pigged her, and I gave it to see how strong she was and 20 minutes later. She was seeing shit She didn't Getting begging, put it in the water No, no, I just like, you said

I'll see how you react to it. We were fucking around like, they were at the show. They went to the show Yeah, and they were like, every time we talk about Kualoos, oh my God, it turns us on. Do you still get them? Like, I got no Kualoaloo, but I got to hit an ass upstairs in my room. And the girl's like, I'd love to do ass.

And give me five minutes. Let me go upstairs. I went upstairs, I came back with two hits to one girl's chicken die, but the other girl ate it. And then other people were there from the show, and I was told. talking to them but I kept looking at that bitch and next thing I started I

watching is drinking like shots of tequila once the neck has started rising and shit like that did you get off on it yet it's it's mild what did you just take it right now sure we took it before you got like before the podcast started are you took some sure it's not what are you talking about Jeff of course what you mean what we want to take both of them because I know you like to get kind of you're not that strong I'm not trusting you for anything hasn't hit them yet though yeah so far I took some like a couple weeks ago for the first time and yeah it wasn't that crazy to me i thought i was expecting

it would just knock me it's not that strong it depends how many mics and how many whatever yeah it's not what it used to be this liquid i had that this guy gives it to me he i gave it to him and his buddy just said he loves the ass that's really fucking strong i got mushrooms in there for you you no i got mushrooms okay i think these are yours sure oh really yeah there's a mushroom that's crinkled up right there it's been out in the open i dare somebody eat that thing they're gonna be it's right on the top right on the top i'm i'm leaving it there because i'm gonna fucking brush it up and break it up like a bud one night and make least smoke it he won't even know yeah that's my mushrooms that's the fucking penis end up yeah that's it that's a

tremendous yeah for sure it's nice and you recognize right it's we've got ounces of these it's been out there like two weeks i'm gonna crush it up one night just kept going like can you get more of those mushrooms i just gave you some four days ago like yeah i didn't much more I don't. How much, like, if you were needed to get crazy, how much would you have? Like, eight of those? Like, how much do you need to eat? Of these?

Yeah. This is, this is big. Look at this. Look at this bag of fucking mushrooms I gave them. This is a new one. Oh, really? Jesus. That's a fucking pillow, bro.

Oh, my God. That's my worst nightmare. He's got to eat them like lays. If I took, it's like potato chips. I had five or six of these, these big, fat ones. So now I was 10. Was that your first feature? That was the first feature, yeah.

How did you get tag? Pretty exciting. I, um, I had like, sorry, I had, uh, Jesus, mushroom bags, massive. I was still thinking about it. Um, I just got it through my agents, honestly. It wasn't that exciting. But I read it. I was on a trip with my family that I normally went on with all my college buddies.

And it was the first year, nobody could come because they all had twins or we're going through life shit or whatever. or one guy's brother just had a heart attack. So I was just up there with my mom. I read the script and, you know, it's all about hanging on to your childhood friends. And I was sitting there in a boat with my mom instead of my, who's lovely, but instead of my boys. And I missed them. And I realized it was a real difficult thing to stay connected to them.

So I wanted to do it. So I came back and just went through layers and layers of pitching until I finally got to the president of Newline. he's not the chairman of Warner Brothers and and that's how I got the job you know just a lot budget on that film uh 26 what did you keep it out when did you come in there well I came well I came in under I think I'm over a million maybe million and a half under that's good and uh but then we did additional photography afterwards so probably evened out a little bit um and yeah man it was fun it's crazy though to feel like 26 millions is a tight budget but it feels

it's no matter how I've talked to yeah I've talked to guys who've done like you know 200 million dollar movies and whatever the scale of the movie is you end up you never feel like you have enough resources you know you're always is it so you think it's kind of like uh you know if you have an apartment that's enough room

and if you have a giant house who just move shit into that to fill that up so it's always like as much room as you need yeah I think so well I think yeah then you start throwing parties and having your aunts and uncles move in with you know it's like When you have that space, well, it's also like making a studio film, it's sort of, there's so much left to chance that you're just covering the bases. The actors are expensive, like, giving everyone the comfortable experience. Because it's not like when you make an indie film and everyone was just like in it for the game.

And we'll like, you know, it doesn't need a trailer. You know, we had this massive base camp that was traveling around with us and like a huge crew of people just supporting and feeding. And it was like, you know, we'd run out like a giant church parking. a lot just put trail the scale of it is crazy you know when you're making it that big but a lot of it's just built to be you you know to be careful you know because you can't you can't let the whole thing fuck up and derail you need you need like enough people there that you're going to get this done so it's it's sort of like cushioning the whole thing how many weeks did you have we shot uh 41 days with the principal cast and then we had like three days with maybe two days with um

with the child actors who played the actors as young kids and stuff like that so that was right about eight weeks yeah about eight weeks you got them out and then back into the hospital did you do the thing where they flashed them back in the hospital to little kids running around

um no there that was that was all just that was all just the adults so we they were so playful at the end they really were it was really nice just because they're a terrific cast of actors now beside comedy essential on this have you done any other TV it was just uh comedy

Central TBS up until then so just cable sitcom no scripted all scripted yeah so you think so far that like if you had to pick your choice between stand-up scripted and films well you I I love it all it's all very different you know I love I I want to do stand-up always because there's something and this is a big thing I went into this happening something I learned from R a actually is like I was trying to like shift stories I don't know if you remember this I was like maybe we should help them out make the story a little family friendly or whatever. I didn't realize that part was like keeping it all very street. And Ari made me honest about like just making it comfortable for an artist to just be themselves.

And you did. You did it great. Yeah. That's why I was, I started to like you more like the stuff. I was like, this guy knows how to keep me on nice. And Ari does do. And I didn't understand that at the beginning. Because that was my first stand-up thing when we first did that for online.

And I didn't understand that. And now that's what I love about it. because my job is to like make it look good, try to give it a feel, but not, you know, not prescribe myself to what the comic's doing, try to stay in the background.

And it's also fun because I just go and kind of get to sit back and watch somebody to the fucking artist perform. What I, the best thing in the world. What I learned from you and from doing that, that whole process too, is that,

I don't know if you have this on movies too, where it's like, everyone has their sort of talent and you trust people to just like open up, and be as great, like go into whatever they do and let them do that as well as they can. Yeah.

And for this, for this, this is not happening, it was the stand-up. It's like, do you prepare your story as best you can. Yeah. You do your shit as best you can.

Yep. You know, Colitri or Jordan, do your lighting as best you can. Yeah. Get everyone just like, you're great, fucking go for it.

And then let's all come together. It's the best thing about filmmaking, honestly, is you have a lot of people are incredibly talented in very specific realms. and also have ideas about other stuff and are sometimes really helpful.

The same in movies. For me, like doing stand-up, I get to, like, relax and let somebody perform. And also, you know, like, making a movie is, like, a year's worth of preparation to shoot for 40 days. It just is excruciating. And so, like, you know, I get to be a director and an audience member

when I go to stand-up and just, like, sort of relax and let somebody else, like, lead the charge, which is nice. So I always want to do that, like, that's that to me is like more like I want to create television shows I don't really want to direct just episodes of other people shows because I'm not I'm not really a creative in that process is fun the cat all those people are great usually but like I'd like to like when I do a show I'd like to create it and if I'm going to do things in between movies I'd love to just go do

stand-up specials or series because it's just it's just pure fun you know for me and what I'm done too. Yeah, it's also the impact on my life honestly, selfishly is not so crazy. I mean, tag was great, but I also, the stress, I lost almost 40 pounds over the course of six months. Damn, how are you still fat? What, um, was there anything? I didn't have a lot of meat on my bones anyway, so they called me an incredible disappearing man. I would like, weighs it really that stressful. It's really stressful.

What did the stress come from? The stress come from the studio or from yourself or like, a lot for myself wanting to do a perfect job yeah it was my first movie so I think it was I was putting so much pressure on myself to you know this is my childhood dream and this was it

and so I was trying to put everything that I'd ever dreamed of into one movie very unhealthy in a general way to like put yourself worth into into one piece of work so but I yeah I would like wake up in a pool of sweat every morning just worried about this there's a thousand million things

they're all like sort of in my brain every day but you never know if everyone gets if they're everyone seeing if I forgot something blah blah blah right like wake up and remember oh the scene I shot two days ago totally doesn't make any fucking sense we need to fix it

you know it's just that over and over and over again it's so fun but like I probably slept three hours in night the most memorable thing for me like I was never really a comic like I did spots at the store Mitzie sure told me

I was a con night comic but nobody else wanted to use me so i did tons of fucking movies and it was really weird like i could remember the good directors in two hands and if you count all the shit i did you go joey just 10 of them like i worked with shit like i like you go in there looking for something and they got no answers they're like whatever you did in the audition just do that it's so funny Maybe so weird. Yeah. Fucking horrid.

A weird thing. Because recently I've been trying to like get a community together to directors. The weird thing about directing, you never see each other. You never work together. It's a great job, but it's also sort of lonely. You're sort of like doing what you learn from like watching laser disc special features as a kid, you know, and taking classes or whatever and trial and error. You never get to be on anyone else's set, really. And also it's so competitive, especially coming up.

But like every other director wants to kill you and you want to kill them because there's only so many jobs to get a certain point. So it's tough. And I've been like, I've been trying to like now reach out to guys and like get together. Trade ideas. Trade ideas. Like what, how do we how do we all be better at this? You know, the last scene in Scarface. Yeah.

You know about that. No, what it was? They shot it and they were having a director convention. so that last gunfight when fuck you I'll take you all the hell Spielberg shot on camera and somebody else

and they all had ideas they all showed up and said you should do this you should do that you know how long it took well that's a funny thing is like back then there were like there were all these pictures

of where it's like where it's like Zemechus and Spielberg and De Palma and Scrazi and Copla and Ron Howard all together all the time Just like coming by each other sets? Yeah, just out to dinner. Would I go into each other's sets, supporting each other?

And I've been saying that to a couple of friends of mine. They're like, we need to do this. They had so much power because they could support each other. And we're running around like fucking idiots by ourselves, shooting ourselves in the foot and making ourselves crazy. Because you know, you isolate yourself. You don't have a community. It's so much to have somebody go, oh, yeah, I've been through that.

to do this. Exactly. Even, even, even, even you guys, like talking to you about, like,

the process, even, like, listen to your story about Mitzi on your podcast was like, I related to so much because it is a struggle. You know, it took,

took 10 years plus for me to get here. But when you never talked, you guys talked to other comics, but when you never talked to another director for like 10 years, you're just like, you just start beating yourself the shit. I'm doing these things wrong.

You know, I don't know, I don't know if this is right. making the wrong choice any of this worth it you know all that kind of stuff that you just do as a human being anyway especially i'm gonna tell you something else yeah i'm gonna tell you something else this is why i asked you about afi and all that shit another tabulation i did mm-hmm oh they're gonna hate me for saying usc guys except for peter the guy i did the longest yard with mm-hmm but i directed i got directed by three other USC film guys.

The ego and the bullshit status that comes with it is so high that they forget what the fuck they're doing. The other way, they forget what the fuck they're doing. Yeah. The best work I've done is when I work with directors who have started from the ground up, studied a genre, and now stuck to it. I remember I did a movie with a guy named Bob Weissman.

I don't know. Bob Weissman did, I don't know what the fuck he did, but we did Dickie Roberts. Okay. No blockbuster. Sure. But him and I had a comedy conversation and I can understand. He understood comedy. He had just come off ahead.

He had just come off of something. What's a weird, it's a weird thing I think about being in that chair, being in that position that it gets your head. It fucks with your head. Absolutely. And you could go, you can eat and you're insulated. You can do whatever the fuck you want. I realized this one I got the tag, which is not a crazy big movie or anything. It's sort of blue-collar comedy.

But like I could literally just like, you know, called hookers and done a bunch of blow in a trailer and not come out for three hours and they would have insulated me and protected me. I'm not that guided to do that. But like you can easily fall into like a terrible power system where you're you're supporting whatever narrative is in your head. But the fun thing about it is like you literally get to go make everyone's day pretty fun every day. You get to blow stuff up. You get to like tell a lot of talented people and different specific talents, art department people, props people, camera people. The ADs, you know, the stunts, the grips, the lighting guys.

Like everyone's got something that's so cool that they do. And if you just appreciate those things, it's just like a huge, little positive fun thing. And it's cool just to be able to do it because in this business, at least, least you needed okay from someone else just to do it yeah like when you were talking when you were just saying like when they told you it's a rap I'm remember that feeling on anything I've ever done with like that's a rap on Ari it's almost like oh fuck yeah like you get tired every day but when it's done it's like god damn it I'm like out of work again yeah well and it's also like it is a weird magical experience even though it's fucking grueling that's the movie almost killed me but like it was

you know one of the best periods of my life it was also like a confrontation of like I couldn't put all my life's happiness into like the goal of making a movie that was a dumb idea because it's just another job it's the best job that I can think of but it's not going to make you happy yet to find a separate way to do that it was weird when I got all right so the first thing I booked was Bronx County I moved down here for a pilot yeah and I remember going on the set and people weren't very nice to me yeah and at the time I was still three quarters of a criminal. So I kind of felt insecure. Yeah. And I didn't really, they fired me. Like I say, I had eight lines, eight pages in the pilot. Yeah. And while we were rehearsing by the day of the pilot,

I was down to a grunt. I was so bad as an actor. I didn't understand that they, they plucked me from the choir on a stage. Yeah. The CBS producer who thought I was this thing. And I just didn't have the chops. And then I booked basketball and I definitely didn't have. And I definitely didn't have the chops. Yeah. That was that early on? It was basketball. Yeah, basketball was early on.

And then I booked the Taco Bell commercial and I didn't have the chops. And then I went to acting classes. And then I booked the NBC show, three episodes with Harry Belafonte's daughter, John Aston's son. It was like three people, famous kids, and they were lawyers in the house. And I had episode four, five, and six. I was a recurring plumber. This is 2000.

2001. I'm a recurring plumber. I'm getting, Ari, I'm getting, I think it was 1750. An episode? 1,700. Oh, okay. No, please don't get that. Everybody talked about getting 17,000.

I never got 17,000. I got like 1750 an episode. Yeah. And I'll never forget the first day. They had to tell me whether, like, get on your mark. I'm like, what's a mark? Like, they guys have no idea. Like, when I did basketball, they hated me.

Because I was on the set so long. I'm like, they're never going to shoot me. And then that before they shot me, I stayed up and did like two eight balls. I get there at six. Jesus. And they're like, you're the first shout out today. And I'm like, no. And I only had one line.

So I didn't think they were going to use me. And they used me. They called me. How many tickets do you want for the premiere? I'm like, I'm not even in the movie. Like, nah, we kept you in. So when I shot all those things, I was totally in. Like when I worked for the Zucker Brothers,

I was expecting to learn. Like I was going on these sets to learn, and they were giving me nothing. And after basketball was when I went to a... Was that baseball? What was the Zucker Brothers thing? Was that basketball? It wasn't Trey and Matt.

They were just in it. They didn't do it. It was, it was Trey and Matt, and then the Zucker brothers directly. Yes, you're right. Because then they did Mafia. Kentucky Friday movie. And Mafia, they called the...

Zucker Brothers. Oh, really? Yeah, Kentucky Fried movie is the Zucker Brothers. It's all comes around. Then they did Mafia, and they called the store, and the guy didn't give me the note for Mafia with Bill, what's his name, that's in, Jay Moore. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Was it in it. Keep in mind, the part of you is on you because you only had a pager. Right. Because he only went. No, no, no, no. But in those days, the store, you would call. and you would get through to people you have a flip phone right now you can't make this insult it was uh i don't know my point was gonna be with you but it was so weird you know i think you're

saying you got a you got a failure fail your way to like work with fucking if i go on the set and i could spot the director yeah i'm unhappy no one ever knew i was the director they all that's that's why i liked you yeah because i go on the set the director's got a hat on with a feather. He's got a black vest on. Joey, if I ever do that, I have your permission to get that Seattle gun. I'll never forget that I want to. Shoot me in the face. I went on

a row of booking commercials with those fucking type of directors. Yeah, I got a. Ego with your sister next door right next to them at all times with a cappuccino in their hands and shit. And I shot I booked three nationals in three weeks. Oh, wow.

Ari got me with Aqua. Yeah, Lawrence. And Lawrence was just a Korean savage Lawrence got you out for something every week and by Friday if you didn't go out you'd still go out on Friday

it was for a black roll but go down there you ain't doing nothing anyway Yeah you'd be like You'd be like I got an audition for you Like can you email me? I don't have a pen and goes I cannot email you on this one

That could be no paper trail But you need to go down At 2 p.m. What is this? He would just crash you on shit He goes they're not taking you But you're going He was just getting the insider info

Rie was with Lawrence for years. When Ari, when Lawrence first left his agency. It's like a fucking assassin casting director or an agent assassin. Oh my God, when other hated him. When he first left the agency right here on Lancasham, they were a bunch of punks. And he opened up his own place. Remember, they were a bunch of origin. Origin?

Origin. The lady was a fat punk. The agency was called origin. Yeah. And then she called him was her first call for three years. She was a scumbag. Are you going to go with him or stay with us? And I'm like,

what are you talking? you about she was a scumbagged that fat bitch then Aqua left but I was with Sutton Barth at the time so Aqua came to the store Lawrence and he he was always a gentleman yeah always cool so one day I call Ari they go Ari I'm gonna bind it's four in the afternoon you got drop 200 on me Ari goes I got the cash on me but I'm on 200 South LeBray remember there's 200 North LeBray and there's 200 South LeBreya yeah yeah yeah Co and there's 200 South LeBrand

that is a turn to a little store in a corner There's a casting It's a casting office there right now Yeah So who fucking think you're dealing with I have a bad dresser Yeah yeah yeah

I go to get the I cast commercials out there I go to get the deuce from Rari I go to get the deuce from Rari He goes why am I giving you money for What's such a sucker bet Like this fucking criminal Ask me for money

What am I doing? No no no no no no no He had already By this time he had already Let me thousands of dollars Oh this wasn't the first time No. I was paying them. I would just get into a little binder, both on the Rogan tour.

He knew I was good for it. So I called on Larry. I go, I got to get to do something. And I get there, and he goes, well, am I giving you $200? There's a commercial. You go right in there and book. And I go, what are you talking about? He goes, there's a mafia commercial.

Go in there. And I'm like, you know what? That's how we do it. Yes, I did. And I went in there and booked it. And I called Lawrence the next day, and I go, that's how you show up with a Jew. You show up with an envelope. You know what I'm saying?

Casting, working is in to do his job. If you could have booked without being called in, the casting director fucked up. Yeah. I went in there. You should have got a fucking percentage on that. Yeah, no. God damn right.

Where's my fucking 400? Don't worry about none. Don't worry about none. It was hilarious because Lawrence was like, ah, you didn't want me when you were with Sutton, Barth and Vinari. Now you want me. I go, Lawrence, I'm showing up in an envelope like a real jury.

He goes, you got a point. Come on down to do the paperwork. And then I went on a row with them. And it was getting like I was doing these promos, like they're the worst. Yeah. Network promos for $306. Oh, my God. They pay 305.

So you see that idiot that jumps up and down on TV and says, watch the week this week. That guy's getting $305. I thought a promo you'd make more in a commercial. I had no idea. Yeah, NFL promos, anything for the NFL network? Let me tell you some. You got to go down there with a wrench to get money out of them. they're cheaper than ESPN.

And Fox, the Fox Sports, when I did Best Damn Sports show, I was getting 150 a sketch. Holy shit. That's it. That's a big credit. Commercials pay a lot for directors, right? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, they do. Yeah. They pay well. You know, the thing is, like, on a national day, like, I mean, they pay really well. I can't complain, but, like, the actors still make it, like, ten times. With the directors?

Yeah. Really? Well, if it runs enough and they get enough resistance. Oh, right, right, right, right. You know, like Brido, like I was in this Pepsad ad that I did. And he, you know, it basically financed like two years of his life, I think. Damn. And that's why it's so weird that.

You, Brito. When I looked at the degenerates that we did together. Yeah. What a cool. I was happy that you were directing it. Yeah. But what you shot in the beginning is making people go crazy. It's such a cool fucking opening.

It's making people go crazy. I told Lee's, I'm just, Like, how juicy it? I'm like, I don't know what I saw Jeff, but it's fucking cool. It's so cool. You probably saw it before you and Jay probably said. I saw before Tack him out. Yeah. You shouldn't have told Lee's.

I don't tell Liz. I showed her pretty early after. You look like a real badass in that. Yeah, yeah. You look great. Fucking Christine. I remember we. Oh, Christine, it looks amazing.

Eight months pregnant. Oh, my God, nine, eight and a half. You're looking a giant cocktail. Fucking. We walked in and out of that building. It was crazy. She's like, Joey, my feet hurt. Oh my God, poor

Christian. Yeah, she was a soldier. Because we went, it went like an hour, like an hour and a half late. It was already late at night. And I was like, I gotta get this one shot of them. I'll get in tased and falling down for that casino. It was like, I hate you, but like, okay, let's just do it.

You believe that it was like five months ago? How fast did it go? I know, man. You know, I shot that. I was doing press for tag. You know, I got to do the junket. We take you all the four seasons. They put you in a host.

hotel room with a tag banner behind it and then they just rotate reporters through and I didn't have to do as many as the actors the actors I do like 70 so like three minutes they go on a clock they ask you three minutes of questions take them out someone else comes in asking the exact same fucking questions over again the whole day is that way until you don't remember what time it is or who's who is in front of you because the same questions for like 70 people you're like what is have I said this to you who are you what's going on so I've done that and then I got done and flew to Vegas, went to the production meeting to prep work,

and then went on the next day and shot that 13-hour day, and I was out of my mind. I was just fucking burning heaters all day. I tried to keep myself awake in that casino, and I was burnt. And then I came back. We shot for those three days on stage, and I flew back the next day and went to the premiere for tag.

The next day, all my family flew in. They're all just like, where's the house? where you know where do we get dressed where we go like oh my god oh my god oh my god i'll get you i'll get you a i'll get you an uber you're going to be fine don't worry about it that was a hell of a week man i can't i can't imagine that that was all that same fucking it looks so fucking cool it looks great you know what it's fun when you like like christina's like fun let's do it it's like when you work with somebody who you trust for whatever

reason they earned your trust or whatever you eventually get to the point where you're like okay sure yeah I know I'm tired whatever you got me yeah it was nice thing Christina didn't you know me as well some of the other people I shot her for for this is not happening but not for a while that was a couple years ago and then for for a tell underground

yeah but you had a reputation a little bit she did a tell underground yeah no wait I don't remember that no no she just did this not having I'm wrong yeah I was I was thinking we knew each other before that but even you when you're fucking making me jump out of a plane or whatever or like shoving dirt in my face I remember I pick

hurry up every morning and I was like alright do you know what we're doing he's like no I trust you I'm sure you're gonna throw you out of car and then you're gonna run five miles and then we're gonna shoot bullets at you and then a helicopter is gonna pull you up just random shit and he was like okay there were like two different times

I'm like hey man I pulled a hamstring so I can keep doing this but it's you pulled a hamster in front of those wolves chasing I was running so fucking fast they skin the shit on me and I'm like I can give you a couple more runs man but it's gonna be Olympy. Real wolves chasing Ari. Was there anything about the fucking studio process that surprised you that you weren't expecting?

It is just, it's weird. You know, everyone talks about studio hacks and stuff like that. And the executive is being terrible. The truth is they're in this business for the same reason any of the rest of us are. They're trying to make good movies. But like,

it is just, it's so hard to get a movie greenlit that they're, you know, any one executive's got like a hundred movies that they're trying to get made and so like and there's only like 12 slots at Warner Brothers. Damn. You know, so they just have no fucking time. You know, imagine if like you were trying to get a movie made and you had to go to, you

know, a hundred meetings a week about a hundred other movies. It's just, they're just hedging their bets as like a corporate process so hard this is working these people to death. So it's not, they're smart. And like the president of New Line is one of the funniest fuckers I've ever seen. He would just riff jokes, like murder. I kind of like to hang up the phone on him because he would just, I would like, I can't, I don't even have enough screen time for this many jokes, man.

But there's still a little time of their day to focus. And now in retrospect, I realize like how hard it is to get a director from like a TV, from my level to like a studio directing level. The learning curve is so steep. The politics are so hard. It's a marathon. The people that are there aren't going anywhere. that's number one no they're not

they're not going anywhere and I think that I think I think the I think the misnomer is that they're bad or stupid they're fucking they're smart they're good people it's just a it's just a tough job it's as tough as our job in a different way there's they're dealing with politics and bullshit that we don't even want to hear about and they just moved

out here to make Spielberg movies anyone else did or whatever you know so it's it's crazy and like I didn't expect like the just the have you guys seen that documentary or the Icarus line about the doping

in like professional sports. No. Oh, God, it's fucking great. It's about like Lance Armstrong and all that shit. But there's a guy who's like an amateur cyclist. He rides a Tour de France for the first time. And he's just fucking like weeping because it's so hard. And he does it again.

And he's like the funny thing about it is like when you ride it the first time, it feels like those hills are just going to go on forever. You have no idea when it's going to end. And you do it the second. time, I mean, it's just as brutal and painful and feels like you're going to die, but at least you know it's going to be over. Right. And they're doing it movie for the first time,

you have no idea that when that hill's going to crest and you're going to start going downhill again. And you don't know where that straightaway is and you don't know when the whole thing is going to finally be over. And that was the hardest part. Like, I was just like, every day worrying about, on day two, worrying about

day 44's problems and realize I had like paced myself or I was just going to fucking flame out at mile four you know that was the biggest the craziest thing it's funny when I had Peter Siegel on here we spoke off camera yeah he was telling me like the longest shot

almost killed yeah he goes I never anticipated all that football all that camera couples it was funny so many directors after I finished called me up that I didn't talk to in years and we're like I'm going to take you out to dinner and they were like now you get it

now you get it Now you understand how brutal this process is and how the whole system just churns you up and spits you out. And a lot of guys are like sort of cynical about that. I'm like, put me back in. I'm ready for round two, man. Have you started thinking about your next movie? Yeah, no, I've got a, I've been running around.

I've got a few on deck. Well, and now it's a matter of like, I have like four now. They're all really fun. And actually, making tag really clarified what I want to do. Like, I didn't think that I was, like,

such like an optimistic sap going into making a movie. But I, I do want to make things with a positive message. That ending was so nice. Yeah, well, it was like,

it's like I stumbled into that, like, not really knowing. And, and like, but now in retrospect, I look at that movie and be like, I do really think that,

like, it's important to, to, to, like, to, to, like, to, to, like,

that's something you should be, being, being stupid something everyone should be dogmatic about it's it's something human and that important and have and being close to your friends and i think particular for guy particularly for guys for me like you know grow up thinking with guys telling you that like you know telling each other i love you or you know being vulnerable talking about your feelings with other guys is is something that's that's weak or like people call you names or that you're gay or whatever yeah exactly i mean that's I mean I get yeah exactly yeah thanks all right I was gonna say it a lot but yeah but it's

it's something that is that's important to be happy and I like I think that like now particularly afterwards that's something that I want to like try to push in what I'm doing is like you don't have to like sit here and be angry you can go say you know I've been through hard times too like that's okay you'll get through it a lot of movies do it with like speech though it's like I'm glad I have you guys all yeah but tags just in that moment where they're all playing. Yeah, well, they're doing the dumbest thing ever, and that's what equates them.

Well, they actually do say, I love you at the end. Like, to me, the whole arc of the movie is guys avoiding saying, I love you to each other because they feel like they're going to feel like girls or sissies or whatever in the most insane way their entire lives, even though they clearly love each other. And they finally say it at the end of the movie. And that's what, like, takes them back to childhood. It's crazy how I have, like, 12 friends that I talk.

my love changes everything eight of them tell me they love me back I got four Jersey friends of the fucking die hard yeah they won't do I will I will I will talk I got to get me some jerk yeah so I got about me love you know what you know what yeah means you gotta say that yeah you got to say that the funny thing is like until I made that movie I hadn't said that to my sister like as an adult you know we had we were like good buddies but we never we were fucked around and joked and then I was like I need to just tell her that I love And now it's changed our entire relationship.

Your sister? Me and my sister, yeah. It's made it as much closer. Today I wrote down, it's Monday, tell somebody you love. Yeah. It's really important. Just somebody you haven't talked,

and I did, I call like three people I haven't spoken to in two weeks and said, oh, I was thinking about you, I love you, I gotta go, I got something to do. Even if they deny you or... Yeah, no, it's good to do. It feels good. It's good to do to wake up and be positive for the day.

You know, people get pissed and they're like, oh, you write the same thing every day. It's a beautiful day to be alive. That's not what's coming out. out of your mind while you're pissing. That first piss that's coming out of your mind. If you're a comic when you hit the floor, you wake up and you feel a little

fucked up. You ever have that, like you smoked a little too much reef of the night before. Maybe you snorted a line, maybe you had too many cocktails. And you're not hung over and you're not blacked out. But you wake up. If you're a real comic, when you wake up and your two feet

hit the ground, sometimes I say thank you for giving me another day and sometimes I go, oh shit I got two spots at the store tonight yeah yeah and as I'm walking to the bathroom I take my dick out and as I'm pissing

I'm already thinking about those two spots at the store and coffee yeah like the two spots and coffee like how fast can I get the coffee done to really get my day going to push it up like I'm thankful as soon as I hit the floor

it's the first thing I'm I got spots tonight the fucking store yeah it's the best I got a spot tonight the laugh factory and I remember going to prison and somebody saying to me when they take I haven't talked to you a lot of guys are getting mad at you you're too happy in the daytime people don't like that here I'm like that's why they walk around stone faced yeah because that's the more you have to be angry that's the more powerful thing yeah no I wake up in the morning and I first

time I put out it's a beautiful there to be a live bitch get your dick so get your asshole licked you know you you're alive there's a guy in a wheelchair somewhere that's how that cannot leave that's the only takeaway i want from this episode is it's take a piss and while you feel that stream is coming out of yourself i have a i have a ancestor altar next to me uh and it's pictures of the two kids that died in the eighth grade that i hung around with it's got a picture of my buddies in high school that died my friend's daughter that died and every day when i wake up some mornings and I have to take that 5 a.m.

flight out of L.A.X. And I'm like, I should just fire, Justin. Like, why am I taking a 5 a.m. fly out L.A.x? And I look at their pictures at the Ancestalta altar, and I go, I bet all these motherfuckers which they would take on a 5 a.m. flight to fucking, you know. Exactly. It is kind of crazy.

I was talking to Joe Liss the other day, and we were walking around, smoking a cigar in New York on a weekday. And we were complaining about, you know, people bitching about standing. up or whatever and I was like but you know man sometimes you got to put all those blogs down and just go for a second like we are two of the relevant New York comics we're doing stand up in New York regularly you know we're kind of running the scene we're

part of those crew crew that's like running the scene you know the 50 or 60 comics or so that's out here and how many people that we grew up with wouldn't kill now to be doing what we're doing and how we dare we complain about like I didn't get my bonus. I was so close in this place and they didn't give it to me or whatever else. We're living the envy of 99%

of the fucking country. So it's like, you gotta be thankful once in a while. Saturday night I went to the store. And I ate a bag of dicks in the main room. Yeah. Brian Monarch's room. And I went and I sat next to Kate Quigley

and somebody else and somebody else. And Dom Herrera was up on stage. I had to follow Dom. And I basically went up there. It was like I went up there. I touched gloves. I threw a jab just to see my distance. Yeah.

And I just started doing kidney punches like rocky, like body punches. And I remember getting in the car, going down the fountain, making the left, and calling Rogan. And telling Rogan, I go, do you have any idea how happy, how lucky we are to be doing comedy at the store 20 years later? Yeah, right. You know, I used to walk in there where all the guys used to hate us. Yeah. They used to hate on us. Why?

They're young and changing shit. Well, when I first got there, I wasn't the most like guy there. You know what I'm saying? And then you had to put your foot down and then some people liked you. Some people didn't. Right. The weird thing is that, and I say this with a lot of shame in a lot of ways. Now I go down there and people call me Mr. Diaz.

They walk into the door, security. And I couldn't handle that for like a year. I'm like, this sucks. I feel it's so weird to me. I don't want to go to the store no more. And now I just sit back and I handle it. And I go, you know what? I did my time.

I did my time with Mitzie. And if they want to call me Mr. Diaz, so be it. They want me to rush behind the thing. It's hard to it. So be it. This is what it is. This is what I've worked for. Yep.

Bro, I want to thank you for taking the time on DeGenerates. It's on Netflix next Tuesday, October 30th. Fuck, yeah. One last question. What's going on with Soba? October. I mean, somebody told me they saw you smoke on the joint. Nobody said that.

With his guys on in New York City. You look like you've been sober for a month. I got to say, it looked real healthy. Oh, healthy. Oh, I feel fucking terrible. Worked out on the wrong machine, got blisters all over. Fucking, it's hard. I hate it.

How's Bert doing? Bert's doing good. He's waddling at a new level. He's never waddled this fashion this long before. I have not seen him running in the neighborhood or nothing, so don't let him bullshit you. In fact, I saw him the other day. He holds his breath. I think it's his heart right out.

I thought he had a six-pack. Yeah. Because I was eating at Danielle's, and I yelled, Burt, cocksucker, I'm watching at Solv October. He looked at me, waved, and kept walking. So something was suspicious. And then the next day he had the balls to put on Twitter that a fan yelled at him,

and he didn't know who he was. Let me tell you something. Fuck off. If I yell at you, you know who the fuck I am. You know the only mistake of voice. That motherfucker had a 12-pack under his arm. He's drinking. You think he's drinking.

Why wouldn't he stop and say hello to me? I busted in my hand. You're right. You're absolutely right. He was 60 yards from me. I go, yo, cock suck or so by October. I figured he'd come back, talk to me, he kept walking. Then the next day he put on Twitter.

A fan, I didn't have my glasses on. Normally that would happen, he wouldn't post about it. He posted about it to, like, show that he fucking knew. Oh, yeah, he's drinking. I busted that motherfucker. He's probably stepped it up. He's in the backyard with Gito. I tried it for like two days and failed.

So, October. Yeah. I saw Bill Burry. He was like, I'm going extra hard to make up for you guys. I'm smoking like a fucking chibbing. I was sober for like five months at the beginning of last year. It was the best.

It felt so great. Yeah. Now I can't. Once you break once, you're like, yeah, I forgot how good this is too. Once you're sober from something,

like once I was dirty days sober from cocaine, I know it was old. You were done with cocaine. Like I was not going back. I was 58 days off cigarettes and I started again. You got to chew the gun. You got to chew the gun.

Yeah, I got to try that gun. You work? Cigarettes are good. What do you mean? You got any work coming up? Oh, stand up? Yeah, I'm doing a live reading of my script I wrote in college.

Okay. It's so bad. He and Danish and O'Neill are doing it with some other people. Okay. November 11th at the Bell House, it's going to be so fucking bad. The Bell House? Yeah. Yeah, it's going to be so fucking bad.

And then I got my European tour. What does that start? November 16th in Reykavik. What does it end? December 9th in Zurich. I'm going to love it. I'm going to be like a big pimp. You, Bur, Christ, everybody's going to go in Europe.

I'm going to sell tickets like a doctor here. Oh, United States. Dude, whenever I go to Scotland or something like that, like, when's the DS coming here? I'm like, first of all, he's not getting on a flight this long. Second of all, neither the country, America won't let him out, and Scotland won't let him in. So, Malanski and the Godfather. Ain't no country going to let me in. Remember, even Israel.

We're going to work this out. We've got to work this out. We got to work this out. Fucking Maya Lanski offered Israel a gift of like $5 million. And they were like, you can't come here. You're too much of a fucking Jew. You're just too much. even the Israelis don't want

He's just too much Ari Shafia Always a place I got a special Called Double Negative That was produced by Mr. Jeff Tomzick Yeah yeah In Austin, Texas

It's out on Netflix now When does that come out? It's out It's out Yeah, yeah yeah What are you shooting? Shoeh, I don't know June or July

Or August, September October October, November or something like that When I'm done When it tells me on stuff Talk to me Ari Yeah I've already

I'm happy you're gonna figure it out I'm happy You motherfucker just came on I want to thank Mr. Jeff Tomzick Thank you guys my little brother Ari Shafir for stopping and helping out. The church of what's happening now is brought to you and welcoming the Ridge. Let me tell you something about the Ridge.

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but win a lot, like playing the numbers on a roulette. You can create a big parley. Pick three teams to win, and if you hit all three, you can turn a yardstick 100 into $600. Who takes care of you like Uncle Joey? Nobody. There's so much to bet on right now. You got World Series ball. You got hockey. You got basketball. College is coming.

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and you'll get your first deposit matched 100%. That's promo code church, C-H-U-R-C-H. You play, you win, you get paid. I want to thank Ari for stopping in. You know, I love him. Like my brother, I want to thank Jeff Tom'sick for stopping in. I want to thank the Flying Jew, aka the Christkiller,

but most importantly, I want to thank you guys. Do not forget tomorrow night, I will be in Cleveland. Tickets is selling out quick. Already Saturday night sold out for late show. I want to see you, motherfuckers. I think I got radio at 7 to the old East station. Then I'm going to go by Slimans and get a pastrami sandwich, and I got some 10 o'clock fucking TV show.

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. But anyway, hilarities this weekend, tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday. I got George Perez opening up. and that's all you need to know. I got the guest book came out. You saw me sucking the dick. Don't bust my balls, all right?

Everybody has to suck a black dick at one time in their life. Number three, don't forget next Tuesday, October 30th, the release of the degenerates, Jay Ocas and Brad Williams, myself and two sensational women. And I want to thank you for getting that special on because of you guys.

I want to thank you for your support and the love that you guys give to church. Have a great week. Have a great weekend. And I'll see you motherfuckers. next Tuesday. Tip Top Magoo. Take that fucking Mulee.

You're gonna plan the way out.