The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #630 - Jerry Rocha

Episode Date: October 30, 2018

Jerry Rocha, comedian and host of "The Ramble" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. Joey's NETFLIX special as part of, "The Degenerates," is streaming now! Jerry is recording his newest album this Thursday, November 1 at The Icehouse Comedy Club.  This podcast is brought to you by:   MyBookie.com -  Use code promo Church to get up to a 100% match on your first deposit up to $1,000.    FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear.    Recorded live on 10/29/2018

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and you'll get your first deposit matched at 100%. 100%. You understand me? That's promo code church. My bookie, you play, you win, you get paid. It's Tuesday the 30th, Netflix day, Degenerates and my main man, Jerry Rocha.

Hello. Kick that motherfucker, Muley. Oh shit. Tuesday, October 30th. Jerry La Rocha. Uncle Joey. The Christ Killer's assistant. Netflix degenerates.

Here you go, you bad motherfuckers. Nice. Tuesday morning. Kicking it off the right way. There you go, you bad motherfuckers Fucking, man Nasty for a Tuesday morning Too much on a Tuesday

If you're not awake after that, man No, that's the real fucking deal Greetings, you bad motherfuckers Thank you very much for streaming Fucking degenerates If you haven't, you had, whatever the fuck you did you know how we do it here. Uncle Joey loves you no matter what.

It's up, it's ready. I don't know what to tell you. Anyway, Jerry Roach is here. Direct from Laredo, fucking Texas. La Bombaville, the original. And then you got my little brother, Lee Sciano, right? Stone to the gills.

I'm trying to make him the Twitch man of the year. I think you're right, though. He just got to rip those hits on Twitch. He'll be the most popular channel. He ain't got a big dick. And you can't say. So you got to hit those bong hits. You know what I'm saying?

I try to hit the bong hits, but you hit bong hits that, like, my lungs feel like on fire. Don't know. Don't worry about that. That means you're alive. That's all that means. The reason why I was thinking about you lately, Jerry, is just because it's just so weird how you, there's a certain breed of people. And I've been here for 20 years. I've been doing this podcast for six but a little bit of people.

We've had all types of guests here. You've been on the podcast before. Yeah. I dig you to death. I love you. You're a family in my world. But it's so weird that you're a grinder. Like, for L.A. to get rid of you,

you're either going to have to get into a warrant. Oh, yeah. Get a bad case of chlamydia. You're always up to something. And I've known you since day one. How long were you in the game when I met you? I had been doing comedy maybe three years, four years, Tom. El Paso, Texas.

I was middling for you. It was one of my first ever, it would have been the first week Bart ever gave me to middle. And once I had 20 minutes, man, 25 minutes, I sent him a VHS tape. And I just bugged him every day. Hey, man, you know, here, I'm open. Of course, my veils are wide fucking open, you know.

But I would always lie and say, oh, this week I can't do it. But next, you know, I would do that. Working then, a comic book place. I was at a bookstore. Working at a bookstore in the music department of a big ass Barnes & Noble in Dallas. And yeah, and I was just, and they were cool enough to write. Hey, I need next week.

What year was this? God, 98 maybe, 99. That's what I was thinking. Yeah. I know this. Yeah. Close the 20 years or 20 years. You had just done basketball.

I believe. I believe you had just finished basketball. That was, I believe. I think that's about the time where it was. Does that bring a balance of private? Okay. the first time I went to El Paso, I emceed. Yeah.

I took a fucking bus down there. It was $250. Yeah. Fourth of July weekend. I forget the two guys' names who I even were. Right? And then I didn't hear from him for a long time. And then I think I got booked through him through an agency in New York City.

And then I became friends with him. Because he really trusted that dude in New York. Now, did I? headline the week you featured yeah Bart was really he really he he really he really valued that dude in New York the agent New York that guy Bart would kind of throw he would throw Bart a wreck and part back oh yeah okay great you know like he he he was kind of sidest he really yeah he worked with that guy a lot and I remember I yeah I think it was my first time ever middling it was still in the

west side room the second room in the west side the big the really big one and yeah I remember I get there and instant we're talking about pink floyd the minute i walk in the door we bonded over that i remember you went with me i went and it was like thursday i drove across town to a comic book store to buy some action figures do you remember that and then we so we go to the chinese buffet and then we're got to get i went and bought like four action figures in the company you're breaking my balls i was going to say how long did he last in the comic book store oh he didn't go in and he waited out He was in the car.

I was real quick. I got him and he was just laughing his ass. I walk in with Thor and Iron Man and he was dying. Break him. And then we went to Burlington Coat Factory. Remember this? And we stalked the fuck up on, remember when Outcast had a clothing plant,

the rappers, they had like those velour sweatsuits and shit. We were fucking, all the rest of the weekend, Joey and I were just an outcast, Valour Crush Velvet. We were like fucking geez, man. That hoodie's on and fucking.

Sweat pants, then. In those days, I was so big. I was starting to get big. And the only place I could buy clothes was in Texas. Yeah, because, dude, yeah. 2X in Texas. We got you, boy, we got your son. Get over here.

A 2X in Texas is way bigger than a 2X. Yes, it is. It's really weird. When you go to Texas and you buy a shirt and it's 2X and it's big on you, you are? I've lost weight. I'm going to eat. Oh, my God.

I'm looking for it. It's weird. So I remember working there as an MC. Yeah. And then I did a lot of feature work in El Paso. Like if there's, I give props what props is due. And that was a club that I learned. Oh, yeah.

I real, that old club with the gay manager who I dearly loved John. That was awesome. What was his name? I think it was John. I think you're right. I mean, I loved him with everything I had. Like, whenever I would get the call to go down to the feature, because I had a relationship that I took, I got all the cancellations.

Yeah. And one of the biggest ballbustings I ever got in this town, which I'll tell the story now is, you know, Bart would call me on Monday afternoons and say, you're going to, can you come to El Paso? So somebody featured from New York cancel last minute. And in those days, Lee, you were getting $5.50 for the week.

Yeah. Okay. But the flight, no matter when you fucking looked online, was always $180. It was always. Always $180. So that's a third of your pay gone. That's a third of your pay gone. So you look at that and you look at the Greyhound bus and you got two options.

$45. It was $20. Maybe $25 back to $28. Yeah. And 35 for the Mexican bus. El Conejo. Where they put the Telemundo on. Yeah.

And grandma, sell tacos. Those buses are nicer than the Graham, by the way. Those Conejos are fucking dope, man. And they have places where you can hang your shirt and laundry. Yeah. They get the sudden nerves to watch the shirt. Wait, they get laundry done on the bus? Do you got to see these things?

They don't fuck around. They don't fuck around. They got food. Because you have to think a lot of those people are on a two, three-day trip. That's just terrible. You know what I mean? A lot of them are, they're coming from deep in Mexico, and they're coming up, or going back whatever and yeah that they they accommodate it's almost like being on it like a fancy train

except there's just one big bus yeah like that's so after i became tight with el paso yeah like i was such a regular down there like anytime he had a fallout he would call me last minute yeah joey i got this guy or if if somebody's agent was busting his ball he would fuck this guy yeah fuck him he would call me yeah light him up like do your fucking nasty material in front of him. Dude, he did that to me a couple times. It was the best. If he didn't like you as a headliner,

he would sick the dogs on you. Oh, it was great. At that time, it was a guy from Omnipop. And he was booking real, there were real features. Yeah. Great comics, but they were features. Sure.

But they were booking them on his headliners because at that time, El Paso was a B room. Yeah. So I was a fucking B a feature. Yeah. And I would light these fucking guys

up with Christmas Street. I still remember one Saturday night, this poor guy had a ukulele out. Oh, that's it. That's over. What did we work with? One weekend, we buried somebody. What I can't say name? I don't want to say name.

Okay, so, but we did bury somebody. Oh, fuck, yeah. Didn't you and I team up on somebody and just buried him on a Saturday? And we laughed our ass and, because, yeah, he, because, yeah, and then what was funny is when you when you passed on, when you went on to headline, I kind of took your place as the fallout middle guy right because i mean and of course i would drive from dallas 10 hours i'd just do it i would just get in the car and run it yeah about 10 hours because it's it's almost halfway so it's almost the same driving l-a to el paso's dallas to elpice and yeah like about nine 10 hours and so i never

forget being in houston and pete porelli come downstairs and he goes hey man i just got a call like it was it was saturday yeah i was snort and coke like a motherfucker yeah whatever my salary was was down in the shed or shit or any way. And I would just go to Texas. Like, I would just tell Terry, like, I'm going to Texas. Like, when I'm coming back, I have no way. Right, right. And while I was in Houston, I got a call to go to some place.

And I agreed to go. I forget the comic's name. And I was so coked up when I agreed to go. I get a call from the kid Monday. And he's like, all right, yeah, I'm going to pick you up Tuesday night at 11. We're going to drive all night. I go all night. We're going to Midland maybe.

Yeah, probably. It was a nine-hour fucking hour. Yeah, that's about right. From Houston to Midlands, nine hours? And you're not, that's not even like, that's like, that's like, that's like, you're covering like not even half of the map, you know what I mean? Like, is it, is the biggest state in the country? I think Alaska technically, but it's just all ice, right?

So, yeah, like, land-wise, it's right up there with, it's Texas, California. It's like, there. But even California is like, what, seven, eight hours? It's a little more to go from, like, if you go, like, from the, from San Diego to the very top. That's a, that's a, that's a, that's a haul. But like, I mean, Texas, because it goes both ways, right? Like, so Houston to El Paso, that's a fucking, that's a trek.

And then from the top of the panhandle down to Laredo, San, that's a fucking, how far from Houston to El Paso? God, that's probably more than Dallas. I bet that might be, you're looking at maybe 10, 12 hours. Jesus Christ. Yeah, 10, 12 hours. I still remember Ralphie coming to visit me in El Paso with Jody and just, I just, I just, I just, that club was that corner club yeah i don't know about when he moved yeah about now whatever

that corner club i got a knack in there like i just had a knack for fucking like i was in there so much yeah that i just became comfortable like i was one of the few feature acts that killed on military night dude those are yeah man which was rough yep wednesday nights was military night and i figured them out and it was pack pack packed packed Oh, my God. And then we go to the bar up the corner and it was a cocaine festival. Everybody was fucking high as fuck. I never saw anything like that in my life.

I remember you wouldn't let me drive home the weekend we met. It was Monday morning and I was going to, I had like a 10 hour drive back to Dallas. And I woke up at like noon and I'm getting ready and I'm packing my shit. And you're like, where the fuck are you going? And I'm like, no, I got to drive to Dallas. Sit the fuck down. You're not going anywhere. And on VH1, it was the behind the music.

Pink Floyd. Remember that? You're like, you're not going anywhere. You're going to be here for two more hours. We're watching this and then you can fucking leave. There used to be a supermarket. The lion something was at the edge of the corner. Yeah, yeah.

In the condo. You walked down there. You could walk that. Yeah. And I was a fat fuck and I used to didn't mind making the walk because the food. Oh, it was real good. The homemade food, the homemade Mexican food there. The homemade Mexican food in the supermarket.

But Fridays, I always made sure I got coked up on Thursday nights. It was Friday they had fresh Yucatan fish soup. Right. And it was like this Mexican soup with everything included. Finns, eyeballs, spine, sped. Every time you took a bite out of it, you were in danger. But the food, the soup was so good for you. Yeah.

You could feed. This was real fish soup. This was no couple pieces of fish. Right, right. Cream. This was a Mexican style. fish soup I would get the big container of it and they would have those packages with those fucking chowder thing. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, Jesus. And they give you lemons to pour in the soup lines. Oh, man. They give you like five limes. Fuck, yeah, dude. And I'd be hung over as fuck. And I'd bring that bowl home and I'd drink half of it straight up. And then I'd prep it and put the limes in there.

I'd put the chowder. And I just sit in front of the TV and eat everything. And when at the end there'd just be spines from me spit them out. There was every type of fish in there. God knows. I didn't even mean, you don't ask. Right, right, right. And they had Covee in the corner on Fridays.

Jesus. They had a bunch of shit. And they had Hardee's, which at the time, that was the last time I ever ate Ardys. Yeah. Because I ate it one time and the second time it tastes funny. And I took the bun off and the meat was skin. It was human. skin. No, it wasn't. Yeah, it had just been

nasty. The people had just been in the fire. And they called, it was like the charcoal burger. It was because the people had just been burnt. I looked at it and you can see the fans of it. That's the when the horse radish fucking can't kill the taste of me.

You're done. It's something wrong there. I was always an Arby's guy. That's Soiling Green. That's people. Do you remember the Arby's in the Alpaces? There was Arby's the supermarket and then you made the right hand turn up to hell. That Arby's It was on the west side. And it was next to a radio shack.

Yeah, man. Yeah. So I used to fucking go to that radio shack and I used to go to that RBSs because you're broke, Lee. Yeah. You got to live off 300 hours for a fucking week. Yeah, because 180 goes to the plane ticket. Yeah, 180 goes.

No, and in those days I took the $30 bus. So now I had become a regular his. Like, I was telling you this story. So I'm sitting there with John Wesleying, Ralphie, Maine, Jody. And I say that I'm taking, uh, I'm so embarrassed that I had a lot of them. Right.

They're like, what time you're leaving for El Paso? And I go, I'm leaving tonight. And I'm like, what time do you need a ride to the airport? I go, no, no, no, no. I just need to ride down the Union Station. The guy I'm working with is going to pick me up a Union Station. Right, right. I was too embarrassed.

Dude, I feel it, man. Yeah, Corp. I've been there, fuck, yeah. And Joe DeJon and John Westing. You had to take a fucking bus. And Ralphie drove me down there. and Ralphie, the cocksucker that he is, went around the corner, sat there and watched me.

Get on the bus? Like, no, like going to the bus station. Right. Like, I waited out there, like, waving at him for five minutes, and then he went up the corner and waited on me, and they saw me going to the bus station. Oh, man. So when I got back, he's like, what time did your flight get back today from El Paso?

I'm like, oh, like lunchtime. He was, you're a fucking liar. I fucking took a bus, and I saw you, and I'm like, no, I didn't. So for years, I didn't claim to it at all. That's so funny. I kept saying, Doug, I did not. I took a plane. You didn't see me, did you?

The guy picked me up. So for years, he would bust my balls. He just forgot about it. That's so funny. What time did you plane come in? Because El Paso was a great room to do on Saturday. Yeah. Because I think you could still catch the bus.

Yeah. After the show on Saturday. Those buses went late. Yeah, there was a 1 a.m. bus or something. Yep. I got you back here at one. Probably two o'clock in the afternoon next day. Yeah.

There was an express. Just sleep on the bus and you're good, man. Just crash on the bus. Sleep? Yeah. Who slept? Oh, my God. I used to get fucked up on those buses.

Yeah. That's the only way you could go on those buses. I remember when I met you. Do you remember how we met? I walked, I got to the condo and you were just sunbathing like a gangster at the swimming pool. Remember that? You're just sitting there by the pool, sunbathing. It was great.

Yeah, man. That's how we met. That was a great fucking week. Doesn't Coke make you want to, like, walk around and, like, do stuff? How are you getting that high on a bus for 12 hours when you're stuck in a seat? Man, I would sit there by myself. Just get lost in your thoughts, right? Oh, my God.

Probably bring a notebook. I would take a notebook. I would bring water. I would sneak a beer on. Yeah, ma'am. I would have, like, a carry-on bag. There was no dogs then. When you got into Mexico,

When you, the first time I went down on the bus, the bus got pulled over on the way. No shit. Fourth of July weekend. The bus got pulled over. That's scary. Dogs came on and had to snort all the coke. Oh, fuck. The dog knew I snorted it.

He kept barking weed at me. It gets in that motherfucker's body. Yeah, he knew it was in me. But they can't do shit if you already snorted it. Hey, it's too late. But that was it. The guys never came on. Yeah.

But that bus was. Today, to think about. about that bus it was torture but it's what we do we're right dude this shit we've had to i i remember one time i was doing a triple run i hit black ice my tire exploded and i had i had to make the show too bad i'd fucking put on the donut and did 80 the other the other 150 miles on i can't believe the donut made it and it's fucking on let me clear some i've driven a donut for two years You know what I'm saying? That's the bullshit.

You can only get there 25 miles of it. Bullshit. You can get out of a donut when you can get out of a donut. I've gotten and I can, dog, you laugh. I had a donut on my Nissan for three, four months, taking four hour triple runs, Warnachi. When I lived in Seattle, I think I had two of those service, I think I had two of those at one time.

You think I'm fucking kidding you. Don't have the front, don't have the back to even it out. Oh, my God. When I was on the road, those cars, were a fucking man once I figured out it was just all bullshit yeah it's a 25 mile don't you can go buy a tire the next morning that's it okay that you're talking to that don't know to go to fucking that when that thing goes then we'll get another one that's what I used to do I used to drive with the real tire in the back

put the donut on because I knew the donut would go one day bah that's a they're always going you in the right LA yeah yeah yeah yeah because if you're in the left oh dear If you're in the left-hand lane And that right tie-bops You're fucking done, dog Dog, I used to have a car When I first got here, I had a car that had no brakes

No registration, no insurance And whenever I would step on a break, you would hear the metal Like, yeah, man Sparks would come out of the engine. I can see why you didn't drive it to El Paso. That one, no, no, that one was local. that one was from local gigs only. I drove from Texas to Washington for the Tribal Run.

Drove from Texas. God, I remember one time I drove to host. I'd lost money, obviously, but I just wanted to try to get in with every club I could. That club bananas and Poughkeepsie. Remember that in the hotel? Drove from Dallas, Texas to go fucking MC there. Okay, so let's do something real quick.

Let's chronologize. Yeah, man. story. All right. So I met you in El Paso. Yes. And then did I work with you in Addison at all? Yeah. It was after right after Longest Yard. We worked in that. Yeah. And you were you because you were questioning, hey, you want to come in because I was living there. And so I went to host it for you and Addison a couple of times. Yeah. Yeah. And then you moved to New York at one point. Yep. About 2006, 2005, six around there. And how long did you stay in New York? About a year. About a year. And then it just, it got to the. You got mugged in New York. You got mugged in New York.

I got my I didn't want to leave I loved it I got I didn't give a fuck I got mugged I did a show I did a spot that very next night my fucking face was purple it was out to here just blood everywhere I was like fuck it I wanted to the side the night it happened the night it happened my may he rest in peace my brother Mike Di Stefano he called me because he I didn't hear from him we used to hit me up and we get home from the gig and he calls me and luckily I had two cell phones that a New York cell phone and my regular cell phone and my New York cell phone I had with me it got destroyed and And he called me. He goes, what the fuck? Where you been? Oh, well, Mikey, I got jumped. He goes, what? Nah, no, no, it's okay. I mean, because no, no, Jerry goes, you're doing me a favor?

My brother just really wants to beat the fuck out of a couple of Puerto Ricans tonight. So here, tell me where it happened. We'll bring some bats. We'll let you get a couple of shots. I'm like, nah, no, I'm good. But yeah, I went to the spot the very next night. And so I was in New York for about a year. And it just, I loved New York.

I loved it. I fucking loved it, man. And I was getting love at some of the clubs. I was kind of, you know, but there was just this weird because before I left, I was already passed at the improv out here, right? And so part of me just thought, I felt like, man, I remember you got me that spot at the store and I was starting to get a couple of those like friends and family spots. And I was like, man, I just kind of missed L.A., you know?

And I'm like, I think I should be in L.A., just for me personally. And so I just- Now, were you in L.A. first before New York? I was in L.A. I was staying with my buddy for a couple of months on his sofa. You remember that? And then, and then I went back to Texas and then I went to New York. And then after New York, I went back to Texas, saved up a shitload of money and then came back here for good.

And that was it. And how long have you been here for us? Almost like 10 years now, a little over 10 years. Yeah, straight. Yeah. And it was just, and I remember you told me. Yeah. When I, I moved out of here the first time, you called me and you said, you're going to be okay.

I remember you tell me it was, it saved my life in a way because I was, I was, it saved my life in a way. Because I was thinking to like, because you know how hard it is when you have to move. You know what I mean? And you told me, he goes, look, you're going to be okay. You're going to just fucking grind. Come back. And you're like, trust me, coming back the second time is the hardest move you ever going to make. But you're going to have to do it.

And I was like, yeah, fuck, you're right. And you just, you know, you grind through it and you fucking just, man, I worked every fucking, I worked day job, shitty gigs in Texas in that period just to save up enough money to come back. Yeah, I loved it. Oh, fuck. I loved it, man. loved it. Man, I love New York. I lived in Astoria Queens. It was right there right off the end train. Man, it was, yeah, I loved it. It was, uh, but I was there for about a year. It was great.

But I mean, we would talk a lot. I remember that too. We'd talk all the time when I lived out there because I didn't know anybody, but Mike, you know, Mike was my, you know, Mikey D. and I became instant friends. But, you know, that was it. He was really one of the few people I really knew in New York because when I met him, um, I was opening for Stanhope at Caroline's. And he was pissed because he wanted to open for Doug but Doug knew I just moved to New York goes hey coming open for me it's like far and I went over there and Mike was mad that he you know and then so and that's what I met Big Jay Big Jay was hosting and uh it what year is this god big guy 2006 maybe something like that yeah big Jay and it was like and he was like he he was super cool to me he was one of those

guys he was like hey welcome to New York man he got me in touch with a couple of bookers and it was great and um I don't even I don't even know if they remember that right but I used to work for Big J not the Big J got me in touch with the Lewis Lewis used to book a couple of rooms uh Gomez he used to book a couple of rooms and he would he would man just on Big J's wreck he got me sight unseen it was really kind of a man it was really helped those rooms paying those days a little bit yeah and then and then fuck yeah then and then Mike got me in at a club that he knew the owners at and it was you know and we would work there what club was that the ha and we were there in Times Square in Times Square and we were there

it was look I know a lot of comics talk shit about the room but man Mike and I we every night fucking almost six seven shows a night it would start at 630 in the morning it's 630 in the morning and every hour on the hour they had two show rooms you just run upstairs and downstairs and do and you you can't help but become a good comic right it just you it's like fuck you're in front of tourists you're like god damn you really got to bring it because the guy before you just crushed you're like shit okay you know And it made you really, it made you good. And it was, why did they talk shit about the club?

It just the owner was, you know, he was fine with us, but he just wasn't that kind to other comedians. Yeah, yeah, fuck. I mean, I think he, the problem is, I think he only paid the guys he liked. You know what I mean? So I was lucky enough to be a guy that he liked. But he would pay, yeah. I mean, you would leave.

He'd give you a lot of cash every night, you know, stuff like that. Yeah. It was, man, it was great. But I just, as much as I love New York, I just had this nagging. I wanted to be back here. I just something about L.A. I just felt like I wanted to be back in L.A. and nothing against New York,

but I just felt like, it just felt like there was something missing. Because it felt like when I was out here for those first few months, things were kind of starting to go good. And then my year was this now? 2004. And then my buddy that I was staying with, he had to leave.

2004, there was a lot of action going on in town. Pat Buckles put me on that Latino Laugh Festival TV show. Like, it was all this shit. It was like, fuck, this is great. Like I was like, man. And then, you know, it just again, I was staying with my friend and he ran out of money and he had to move back to Texas. And I was like, fuck.

So I was working a day job at a T-Mobile in Westwood. And I was like, oh, shit. Like I wasn't making enough to afford, you know, taking over the rent for that apartment. And I was like, you know, I was like, shit, I don't have enough to just start getting my apartment right now. I was like, well, I moved back to Texas too. And then that's when I saved up bread and moved to New York. thought, well, let me give New York a try.

And I loved it, but I was like, man, and you were great. I mean, you would always give me pet talks. Like, you can be all right, whatever you have. But you always say, but, you know, whenever you want to come back to L.A., we'll be here. You know, it'll be waiting for you. Okay. Let me tell you something. I went to Cleveland.

I took a red eye. Yeah. To Cleveland on Wednesday night. Nice. Which I never take. Right. Oh, yeah. All right.

So I got to tell you both this story. Because if. if something happens, this is the next show I'm pitching. Deal. The next show I'm pitching is about those nine months that I did in New York. When I really think about those nine months, those nine months really made me a comic. But it brought me back to speed as character. There's certain times in your life when you have to do something for maybe eight,

nine, 12, 14 months, and it seems like a bump in the road. But 10 years later, you look at that, and it's the best thing that ever happened. No question. I was in a horrible, horrible state as a human being, as an individual. What you guys called depression, I was stuck in living it. And I was never starting to lose reality,

something. I was just down. Yeah. The Boulder place had fired me as an MC. There was a new comedy club opening. Judy Brown had talked these engineers from the University of Colorado to open up a comedy club and not to serve booze, to serve popcorn and hot dog, and everybody sat in a desk. You have no idea in a school desk. And they called by university. Comedy Club. That's terrible. And it was all PG-rated.

Oh, God. The fucking Chinese guy told me not to come around no more. The guy was beaten. Oh, shit. I was beating this little Chinese dude for about a year. I had of money with all these open mics and shit. I was going to bring Cosby and Richard Pryor to the club. And on Monday nights when he wasn't there, I would bring a black guy. And I would tell the bartender.

I told him I brought up. But he wasn't there. And I get $300 out of him. Like all my avenues had dried up. Fuck, yeah, man. I was just down and out. I was losing a divorce. I lost my job in the sports betting service.

And I knew it. I knew it was time to touch New Jersey ground. I had been through prison. I'd gotten married. I'd gotten divorced. I hadn't been home in eight years and I had lost a pepper in my step. Yeah.

And I knew it. My soul just needed to go back to that area and start from scratch, you know. And I went back in the first month, I had it cushy, a buddy man. I would just wake up and every day he'd just peel off a yardstick. Yeah. And give me a hundred a day. That's great.

Like that, nobody does that. Yeah. But those are the friends I had. Yeah. He would give me his car. If I had to run errands or go to New York, go to Grandma Blow or whatever. At night, I would stay with his wife and get chis. She was pregnant.

Then after that, I moved to Fort Lee, New Jersey, Close Side Park. And I lived with George. Mm-hmm. And George was a fucking heroin addict. Oh, shit. And me and George shared a room the size of this office. There was a single little kid's bed. Yeah.

Like a little kid's bed that your feet hung off of, and there was a couch. George was a gentleman, so he took the couch, and I took the bed. Nice. Because I had the bed while he was in rehab. Right, okay. I moved in with his grandma to help her while he was in rehab. So when he got out of rehab, he lived on the couch. and those were the most fascinating eight months of my life.

It taught me how to get up in the morning again and go into the city and how to make money selling cars. It was a brilliant time and something else happened. I figured out the equation of comedy. I figured out that you just didn't get on stage. I figured out that if you wanted to write a joke, you had to write it and then add to it. It all came to me and I was ready to pursue it,

but I couldn't pursue it in New York. Right. I was just going to spin my wheels in New York. Dude, that's weird. I felt the exact same fucking way. I was just spinning my wheels in New York. I wasn't going to get to that next level. There was a big gap.

I felt it's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was just too big of a gap. I didn't have the chops to cover it. Right. I did not have the chops to cover it. And there was no way I was going to get the chops living in New York at that time. Yes.

If I knew one thing about Denver was that the comics, since the Comedy Works was such a high-level club, and they handpicked that the comics all had to go out and hustle. Denver taught me how to do comedy the right way. Thank God, a knock on wood. Yeah, they'd have to bring four people, eight people before. Oh, man. But anyway, they get back to this New York extent.

So it's September of 93. It's August of 93. three, I'm doing okay. Yeah. I'm doing okay. I'm getting on stage, maybe three times a week, four times a week. Fuck yeah, man, yeah. I'm not getting anywhere. I'm not getting any laughs. I'm not getting any laughs. I had two or three jokes. And, but my health was improving. My all, because of this heroin addict, it was just, I love torturing people and he was perfect for me I just torture him at night but he flipped the cards

on me and tortured me right but there's this one Sunday that I get up and I got about 18 in my pocket the joint and I don't know I don't know what I did for breakfast but it was one in the afternoon and it's a Sunday in New York it's warm out Jesus Christ I'm 30 something years old it's 1993 I'm 30 years old I should be out in New York having a beer at a bar. Meanwhile, all I want to do is go to Harlem and get a bag of weed, which I can't. Yeah. I got 18 bucks. I got $10 to get two joints and I could eat at lunch. And I can eat a hot dog or a slice of pizza and a soda. But Jesus Christ, is my life really this pathetic. I got $18. And we lived underneath a chick that had a kid. Okay. That's all I know. A chubby type chick

sure and one day I'm sitting on the bed reading a book of our comedy that's when there was that magazine was out at all the comedy club right yeah yeah yeah of course yeah I'm reading this magazine I'm reading the Judy Carter book that's when I got Jean Parais's comedy and I would you know I had this day job but I also had this dream at this point yeah I had seen Jay Leno in New York I'd seen a couple people and now i knew i wanted to go to it i just seemed like was on well now i was just waiting to get out i was trying to figure out how to get out of fucking new york plus new york just i was just an addict in new york new york it's too easy to get drugs and jesus isn't it crazy it was just too easy i mean i don't even you know me i'm clean i don't do any of that shit me and my friends were

junkies fuck you could get anywhere and my friends would give me money to get them coke and so the days i didn't want to get high and now i was ended up getting high it was just That's what the problem with the East Coast was for me. Everything was too available. So there's one Sunday I'm sitting there with my $18. It's 2.30 in the afternoon. And there was a barbecue grill in the backyard. And I see the mom come out with the barbecue grill and her little boy.

And she opens up the barbecue grill. And she's putting burgers on and stuff. Now, I had lived in this building in 85. And I had lived in this building now in 93. and I had robbed this building a thousand times already. So I lived there the first time. On the third floor, there was a couple. I was just robbing them once a week.

Like, you know, like if they had left the $1,000, like if they left $5.20s, I would take $3.20s. And I would take their credit card using them, and put it back a week later. They had a stack of credit cards. I don't know where that thing went. Yeah, they had a stack of credit cards in the desk. It's ridiculous.

Oh, God. I was robbing them every, like, two or three days. They would always put money in this circle. I would steal something every three or four days. So it's 93. When I left, I remember George saying to me when he came to Colorado, he was like, yeah, man, the girl upstairs called the cops. They said, they were missing a bunch of people.

Did you know what they need to do with it? And George never accused me. Oh, that's great. So now it's 93. Why the fuck would they leave it out? You deserve it. If you leave your shit out like that, how fucking stupid are you, man? Come on.

I was a fucking thief. I was a piece of shit. So it's Sunday. George, his grandma would leave on Sunday so George had the green light to shoot heroin. Right. So by Sunday he was broke and he would save just a little taste just enough to get him high, right? Yeah. So I see grandma leaves for an hour.

George gets up, goes into the bathroom, blast off, and I can see he's coming back. Oh, man. He would watch that stupid fucking show on MTV, beavis and butter. Oh, yeah, yep. So he's watching Beaverson, butthead, giggling all knotted up on heroin and shit, right? And I see this lady cooking, and I run upstairs to her apartment. I open up the front door. I knock first.

I open up the front door, and I look, and there's a table with a purse in the middle of the fucking... Oh, shit. Right on top of the dinner table, and there's an envelope sticking out of it, like a deposit envelope, and I look in it. I just take the envelope close it. and I go downstairs. I go in the bathroom. I count out like eight bills. I take the emmulob.

I rip it up into a thousand pieces and I flush it down the toilet. And I take the 800. I take it. And I hide it in the mailbox. Somebody who lived upstairs mailbox Sunday. Then I got to check it. Right. And I just waited.

I ain't that stupid. I know this is none. So we're laying on the bed. He's all fucked up on the heroin now, right? Her and the kid go upstairs. with the cook meal and it's not 20 minutes and I hear the door. Now they had already had problems of George because everybody in the building knew it was a heroin addict.

So she's like, the grandma opens the door. Hello? And she's like, is your grandson home? I'm missing eight hundred dollars. I know it was him. He's the only heroin addict in the building. And grandma's going, no. He's been laying down the whole time. And he goes, George, wake up. This lady say that you love me out. And George is like, I've been fucked up.

I've been laying on this couch for two hours. This is I'm here. And I'm sitting there giggling inside. I cannot laugh at all. I cannot laugh at all. I'm just holding it in. And now the cops come. Oh.

And there's two cops in the hallway. And they got George out there. And he's fucking none. And fucking the cops are asking to he rob it. Yeah. And she's like, I'm telling you it was him. I left on top of the dinner table. And I'm sitting back there, howling my ass out.

Pretending to read the newspaper? Pretending like, you know, I didn't know nothing. Like, I'm napping. Right. And then all of a sudden I get up and I get involved. I go, what's going on, George? It was his fucking lady's accusing me around. I go, George hasn't moved at all.

Nobody robbed you lady. And she's fucking crying. Oh, shit. And I'm feeling bad enough as it is. Right. It's a doggie dog, little bitch. You know, at that time, I was crazy, and I felt, until today I feel really bad. Right.

But I couldn't give it back at that point. Right. You know, the cops came and they interviewed George, had George outside for like 30 minutes. Oh, fuck. He's out there all fucked up on heroin. They made him empty his pockets. You shit, man. So, boom, I fucking wait like an hour.

I let everything calm down. I tell George, I'm going to a walk into the city. I get the 800 out. and I'm in a Chinese restaurant within 15 years. Right, right. At the enchanted Lily in Fort me, New Jersey are my favorites.

The shredded beef number five. Oh, my God, Seshwan shredded beef. And I was over the city. I went and picked up like an eight ball. I went down and picked up this girl I knew. I went crazy for a night. And I gave him like money like two days later. But I never told.

That's crazy. I leave October in 193. We reconnected in 90s. 2009, 2000. And like 2005, one night we're at a restaurant. And I tell him, he's high on the heroin. Right.

No, he's straight. Now, he's been sober for his Oh, that's great. Yeah, he's been sober since 96. Oh, that's good for him. So I tell him the story and he goes, I remember that, you motherfucker. I was high as fuck. You killed his high. So Thursday night,

he's at. He's at a bar in Cliffside Park. And he's sitting there And there's your girls At the bar next to him and guys I don't know what they're watching Wednesday night football Oh, yeah

Where the Giants? I don't know, I don't know It was this Thursday Who ever played this Thursday? And he said that the girls next to him Asked him if he was from the neighbor And he goes, yeah And the girl goes, I'm from Cliffside Park originally

And he goes, really? He goes, where did you live? And she goes, and with terrorists, He goes, get the fuck out of here. I grew up on him with Terrace. She goes, where did you live? He gets 7.54 and with Terrace. And he says to himself, come on.

I lived in him with Terrace. He goes, where'd you live? I lived in that same building. Oh, shit. Girl goes, we lived in the second floor until one day my mom got robbed. Oh, fuck. That was the baby. That was the baby.

Fuck, man. He calls me. Oh, shit. Now, I'm at, you know, I'm Thursday. When I take a red eye that night, I had the Uber was picking me up at 8.30. Yeah. My call time was between 830 and 8.45. He called 8.10.

I'm thinking to myself, it's George. I'll just call him because I had the baby in the living room. Yeah. We'll watch some TV shows my last 20 minutes where I don't want to be on the phone. Sure. So I figured I'll call George back on the drive to Uber. When I call him back, he's howling by himself. And he goes, let me tell you this fucking story.

He told me the story that he's talking to the girl. He goes, he just stopped. Once he said that we moved because we got robbed, he stopped because he knew if he told her that his grandmother was the super. She would know. Yeah. And it was him that robbed him. That is fucking great, man. Fuck.

I can't. Has that ever happened to you before? like when you were living in Jersey, wouldn't someone sit next to you and be like the person you robbed? Right? That is a crazy. That's a fucking crazy coincidence, man.

One of the odds. What of the fucking odds. Oh, it's amazing. My mom, we moved. We got robbed. We left. We moved two months later or something. He said he was crying.

Fuck, man. That's great. Oh, shit. So how many? Now, you have a Netflix special? Yeah. It was only on for a year, but yeah, it was up there.

for a year yeah that out of there for a year and uh and now i'm doing my uh a cd on thursday how long have you been doing comedy totally now god since i was 17 yeah i started i started i'm 41 now fuck it's been a minute 24 years 24 years so i've been doing comedy three or four years longer yeah about yeah 91 i started yeah started in 95 right right in the right before i graduated actually right after I graduated high school. So it was after the summer, like the beginning of summer. Like, no, the end of August. In the end of seven August, I started doing open mics in Dallas of 95.

And you were making a living how long doing it now? You know, God, since New York. So about 12 years, I guess, knock on wood, yeah. It took you how long to start making a living? At least 10, at least five. Just consistent? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But because it was always like, because I'd always have a day job. It's great when you have a day job and you get like three weeks. in one. Oh, fuck. That was the best. Yeah, dude. I'm buying all the fucking video games. I'm going to GameStop, and I'm cleaning them out. I'm cleaning them out. About being a local comic, having a local job

that makes page okay. Fuck yeah. Covers your bills, and then you do, there's three different comedy clubs, an hour apart, and each of them give you a week, you know, every month of 500, 300, 300, 600. You're making a killing in your home. have no idea how great it was when I'd be like you know I pay all my bills from work and then I'd be

like I just have like a couple of bucks left over that sucks and then kind of scary you know and then boom Randy from hyenas calls me hey want to come down to Arlington this weekend fuck yeah I'll be you know that all the best the fuck it I remember those days I would go to go to work at the bookstore I would clock out run to the bathroom put on nicer clothes and then drive down to to Arlington do a spot in hyenas. You know, oh, yeah, that was the best, man. That was great. That was just so.

Did you ever get discouraged along the way? Every, I get discouraged every night. I got, I was discouraged this morning. Yeah, I get, because I don't, I don't think, this, look, I'm not trying to belittle what people do, but I think if you're, if you're not just working, if you are chasing something that's been in your heart since as long as you For me, it was four years old when my aunt, my aunt Sandra took me to go see Beverly Hills

cop when it came out. I was in fucking, I think second, I forgot how old it was, maybe second grade. Because when I was four, I snuck out and saw Delirious at my grandmother's house because she had HBO. We didn't have HBO, but when I would go visit my grandmother in Laredo, she had HBO. And I snuck out in the middle of night and I saw Eddie Murphy delirious. And I was four or five. I had no idea what the fuck he was said.

I didn't know what half of it meant. But when he did the thing about the annie's got the mustache and all that and ice cream I was all god I was I was like this is a greatest thing I've ever seen and then and then I loved Dana Carvey on Saturday Live weird out Yankovic Eddie Murphy and Monty Python those four things were just I would you know and then so um when I was a kid my aunt took me to go see Beverly Hills cop when I came out in the theater I think it was like in first grade I was saying motherfucker at recess the next day I got went to the principal's office but like I made kids cry because I was saying motherfucker.

I was like, no, I think it's funny. But when something is in your heart for that long, me, comedy is what I wanted to do since I was four. You're going to get discouraged. Even if things are going great, you're going to get discouraged. Because for whatever reason, there's always that nagging voice in your head that's telling you you still aren't doing what you really wanted to be.

You know what I mean? Like, whatever that is, it's like there's this mythical extra rung on a ladder that your fucking soul or whatever your insecurity creates and it makes you feel like you just you're nothing if you aren't grabbing it and I always feel like I'm not grabbing it like I always feel like I'm still reaching for something that I've you know I don't know but yeah always fuck yeah dude I get discouraged all the time an hour after I have that's why I think people do heroin and people do things like that especially entertainers because an hour after you crush you're back to just being Jerry you're back to just being Joey you're no longer that guy who just had

500 people crying and screaming and cheering. Now I just go back and I'm just this fucking dude alone in a fucking hotel room, right? And that's all I am. And that's what I, that's the hard part is I just sit there and like, fuck, I'm just this dude who's just fucking all by himself in a town you've never been in before and I'm just here. You know, and then sometimes when you're on the road, I remember I was, I was working with this guy, forgot his name, but he had Crohn's disease, the headliner. So you're sitting there just depressed that you're working some shitty gig in South Bend, Indiana, right?

And you're in this shitty condo. And if that isn't bad enough, you're just alone with your thoughts. You hear this guy taking a shit like every other hour. Just this fucking horrific shit. And you're just sitting there right next to it. You know, your bedroom's right next to the bathroom. So you just get woken up in the whole night by this guy just shitting. And you're like, mother, you know, like fuck.

But you had a great set that night. So that's what you remember that. little bit. Like, yeah, but I did that. And not many people can say that they went and smashed a room. So, fuck yeah. Okay, I'll keep fighting. And that's, but yeah, dude, I get discouraged all the time. All the time. It just, because it's, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, comedy's been in your heart, I bet longer than you even know, right? Like, you probably don't even realize. I bet if you start, if somebody were to hypnotize you, they would probably find memories. I like the art of, I liked, I like, I like the art of laughing.

Yeah. And I liked the art of making people laugh at this scenario. I never dreamed of stand-up. Really? Oh, man. Now, thinking back, like, yeah, I was funny on the bus. Yeah. When it was 10 of us and I could torture Lee.

Yeah, that's true. And you would torture me. And Lee would torture me back. We all grew up together. We're on the basketball team together. That scenario, I was good. I didn't know about the solo shit on stage. You know what got that for?

for me was my first ever performance was in when I was a kid my my uncle my aunt's husband him and his brothers in Laredo would have these carnassadas and they would just have me they would they would give me quarters like like you know a dollars and quarters change a but if I would just go do impersonations I was like five years six years old and they would love it and they would start giving me money and I was like well that feels good and then when I was in fifth grade I was a class clown right I was always trying to make my friends laugh in class and the teacher pulled me aside I'll never forget this my fifth grade teacher Avin Cravens may he rest in peace he pulled Mr. Cravens he pulled me aside and he goes hey you want to can I cut you a deal right now and I said

sure what am I in trouble and he goes no no no it goes just do me a favor if you don't interrupt my lesson to tell a joke every Friday I'll let you tell five minutes of jokes at the end of class and I'm like fuck yeah deal shook on it and at every every Friday at the end of class, I would go up and do five minutes. I was in person at the principal, you know, stupid shit like that, but the kids loved it.

And I was like, oh, that felt good. And that was it. I just knew that we planted it. And I was in high school on a date with my girlfriend at the time, junior year, and we would always go to this comedy club called the backdoor in Dallas, still there in Dallas. And it was like, because it was like,

it was cheap, wasn't as expensive as the improv, right? Like it was easier for like high school kids to afford to go, you know, and they were a cleaner room, So they allowed younger people to go in there. Like you didn't have to buy booze, that kind of shit, you know. And so we would just go and watch comedy. And they just had a sign.

I was getting ready to graduate. The next year, senior year is getting ready to graduate. We've been going all junior year and then senior year. And I just saw them with the signs of, hey, do you think you're funny? Try her open mic. And I'm like, fuck, that's what I want to do. It was just that, because I was about to go to community college. I had no idea what the fuck.

You know what I mean? And then I was like, that's it. That is it. That's, oh, yeah. That's what I want to do. Duh, like, all right. And then so I just wrote three minutes of the unfunniest shit you could fucking imagine. And I just went up and I just never stopped going up.

No matter what was happening, I'd always go up on their Wednesday open mics, always. And I remember, man, I felt like a champion when they gave me that first ever Friday night spot. Oh, dude, I was like 18. I've been doing it for like five months. I'm like, yeah, you're doing good. We think you're ready. You want you come and do a Friday. Oh, man.

I thought that was it. I'm like, what? Yeah, that was fun, man. That was... When you were 23, did you have any doubts about stand-up at all? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I never thought...

What were you thinking? 23, I thought, I don't know. I just... 23 was about the time... Do you remember C.W. Kendall? You ever worked for him? Yes. 23 was about the time that I was in with him,

and I was touring with Neil Edwards, and he would get me hooked in with clubs, and I would start to call him on my own. And he always told me that. He goes, look, I can get you in the door, but they're not going to remember you. No matter how good you do, they're not going to remember the kid

who went up and did 10 minutes. Like, you're going to have to stay on him. And so I would fucking call Bynum every day at laughs. I would call Randy at Hyenas. I would call the, every day at 23. I call C.W. Kendall. What a Bynum have that? It was just Tucson at that point because that guy,

yeah, it was at Tucson. And I think at that point, Albuquerque was already Russ Revis, I believe. I think right around there is when Russ Revis already had Albuquerque. And so, but so and then Jeff Jones, the loony vins. Up in, he had Memphis at the time,

Little Rock and Tulsa. And then now he's got, I don't think he's maybe there's Oklahoma City, Wichita Arkansas, right? And so I would call him. And he was, dude, that dude, Jeff Jones say that, that, those loony bins, those clubs. Did you still around Jeff? I think so, yeah.

They saved my ass so many times. I remember I would just be like they would get a phone call because that, that is, it's like you said, I don't know, I don't know. man like because you know me like I'm not as I'm not that religious of a person my grandmother would fucking kill me if you heard me saying this but like I'm not that religious of a person but I do believe in I don't think you have to I think if you like you said if we talked before the show if you're a grinder like you have to believe you know and I remember there was those times when I would get discouraged or go you know what maybe I'm not going to make it as a comedian

maybe I should just try to climb my way up this fucking bookstore's corporate ladder and you know just and then and then Jeff Jones calls me out of the blue hey what are you doing next weekend. Holy shit. This is a paid gig. Fuck yeah. And that keeps you. And then when I moved out here, you have those moments of doubt where I have $10 in my bank, right? And I'm not getting paid until next Friday. And I'm like, fuck, what am I going to do? And then back when Emily used to help book the improv, she called me, hey, you want to come middle for us starting tomorrow? Fuck. Just that lightning hits of like, fuck yeah. Thank God. This is going to keep me afloat for another month. This is, you know what I mean? Those moments, dude, they happen.

a lot and it's god bless them but yeah but but so around 23 i was just i was still working at the bookstore of course but every morning every monday morning i would get up and call in avails to all the clubs that i had met the one-nighter bookers that i had met i just stayed on him fucking calling everybody i'd ever known at that at that point i would just i had a little address book and every time i met got in with a new club met a new brachshays in beaumont i would call them all the time black company yes uh the The black couple that owned it inside the Hilton. Remember inside the Hilton? GKs.

I would call them. And that's when that guy Dick Williams was booking it. And so I would call Dick every day. Fucking just say, hey, man, you know, sorry to bug you, but here's, here my avails. What's the face? Cap cities, the Velvita room. Texas at the time had a lot of rooms. Froggy bottoms.

Froggy bottoms. And then there's, had three clubs in Houston. Three in Houston. There was spelled. Well, they had, they had Don Lernage Room. They had Danny Martinez. has his room. You had Pete's room and the guy who was, who was a guy before Pete who had the stop. Shit, I forgot his name, but you know what I'm talking about. The one that everybody

thought owned it. I thought he owned it. I didn't know he was just madden. Yeah, yeah. So, that and then and spellbinders, right? So you had those four rooms when I was starting in Houston. And then there was a room in Lubbock. The Froggies was in Lubbock, I think. There was a room in Abilene. Like, they had all these fucking little and then, you know, every, there's always one, there was always one room that was a front for drugs that would be in Middle Like you would always go and you'd be like, fuck. Midland and the other place. Odessa.

And then we... Well, it's Midland and Odessa Airport. But Corpus. Corpus had a room. Where's the drug room? Corpus had a drug room. Close to you're from. Yeah, Laredo.

And then San Antonio had to have a room and then Laredo. Have you been to Alaw, Lale? Yeah. Is it a good room? It's a great room. It's gorgeous. It's a fucking go. I still like the River Center, though, because that's where that was my first one.

It's in the River Center? No, no, I still like the Rivers Center. But it's the same guy. They own them both. So it's LOL and then the river center is now the improv. They call it. It's now an improv, but it's the same owners.

It's still the dude. It's still that guy who owns them both. But the one inside the mall is the improv. The one inside the malls the improv. It used to be the river center. And then the LOL is like in its own. It's more like, because the river center still,

the improv is still downtown, you know, and the LOL is more like heart of San Antonio, like middle of the city type of thing. Okay. So that's the one you want to work. LOLs, yeah, that's a badass room.

But yeah, like it was, so that, I mean, And you would and in Laredo because I was from there, you know, every now and again, you get a phone call from, hey, I, you know, I talked to your cousin. He said you're a comedian. Hey, I want to do a comedy night. If I give you like 300 bucks, you know, like you would just get those things, you know. And so I would spend, I remember I would give, uh, because this before I had a cell phone. So I would just give a lot of bookers the phone number for the bookstore. And I would say just whoever answers, just ask for just be transferred to the music department. You know, like a couple of times. they would get that's how it would get some gigs they would call like hey hey that's me you know like yeah i'll be there you know like shit like that for sure man that was dude i yeah there was also a payphone too outside inside inside by the bathroom right outside the music department and it was kind of risky

but sometimes i would get that number out and i would just kind of keep an ear if i would hear it ring and i would just run over real quick and answer and every now and again it would be a gig you're like all right yeah i'll be there you know like fucking crazy just did what you had to do man like but yeah it's just I don't know if I'm and it's kind of depressing, but I don't know if I'm ever not going to still get discouraged, right? But I now this is where I'm going to sound like a fucking lunatic. I think it's in a way I like it because it makes me hungry still. It makes me think, you know what? Yeah, I did really well.

What I put out, I put out one special and two CDs, three hours of content, whatever. I'm still hungry. I still don't think I'm good enough yet. And I always want to feel that way. I don't know if I always want to be that discouraged, but I always want to feel like I'm just not. quite good enough I always want to feel like no I still got to work I still got to work I still gonna work because I don't ever want to be my dad may rest in peace he he told me this it was when I first started doing comedy he told me a story about how when he loved

stand-up when he was a kid and he remember he watched a guy on the tonight show this is way back went right in like the 60s and he a guy was like what's a deal with the funky chicken like he was like making fun of all these dances the teenagers do and he goes man I thought that guy was the funniest comic ever and then he was on the tonight show two years later and I was all excited and he's like what's the deal what the fuck he's just doing the same shit and I was like ah I was so bummed out it wasn't funny anymore and I just and I always remember like you've been with those dudes we've both worked with those I mean no offense to him god bless him for being out there but there's there's been some cheeseball

headliners that you and I have had to open for that you know they're doing the same jokes the same act that they did 10 years ago right it's never changed it worked for him once and I don't ever want to into that trap of thinking that oh it's is good enough right and so i think that is why i get discouraged too is i never want to think like i just want to always be hungry always want to have like a little bit of a chip on my shoulder not a not a really devastating one to return to some asshole but you know what i mean just have that kind of little chip to be like no fuck that i still want to try to prove that i'm good at this i was never a comedy fan really like i would never even think of going on a comedy club in my world and it was finally in boulder where i went to the

see a comedian yeah and I went back the following year because my friend knew somebody or he won tickets and I never forget that comedian never wrote a new Joe and I wasn't even thinking of doing comedy sure but I bet you felt ripped off right I remember saying to myself if I was ever a comedian I would have new material right I remember having that and not even thinking of being a comic right like at that point my life the farthest thing from my mind was getting on stage or Right, right, right, right. Or doing movies or anything.

I thought that it was out of my realm. So when I became a comic, I always have the fallback about telling people about your day. Worst case scenario, you know, I learned early on at the two or three year mark in all those rumors that you do every night, that the best thing to do is just tell them about your day. No question. Put out the two jokes you wrote and talk about your day and tape it and listen to it.

And if you do that four nights or, a week you'll get three new fucking minutes a week always it's nonstop that's what i did when i moved to boulder back to boulder in 94 i was 93 and a half after i lived a junkie yeah like i was really tuned in like i sure okay this is what needs to be done i got the notebook i got the pen i would still write renegade style yeah but i wrote that's all that mattered i still wrote renegade style but I wrote, I took a lot of chances. I learned in New York to take chances. You have to.

So I took chances with material every night. I went into something new just to feel it out to see how I could chop it up. And that took years to develop. The chop-up game takes another fucking five years. That happens while you're performing. Yes. And then you learned the chop-up game.

You know, last week I put a clip up. I put a clip up that Rick Ramos put up. Nice. Of Sanford and Son. And I still remember the night. We used to get pizza on Friday nights, me and the Lona Mertons, and we'd watch Sanford and Son and Shiko and the man. Still the best.

Sanford's on still the fucking best man. And I still remember. And if you watch the wording of it, he says to him, they're in the courtroom scene. And they've cut it up. I don't want to put it on because you two are just going to yank it down. I know what you're talking about. What Red Fox says? Oh, my God.

We got enough to me. Yeah. It's so funny if you look at the wording of that. Now, if you look at the see who wrote that episode, I don't know if he wrote that episode. No, I didn't see who wrote it. But I know that he was one of the writers on the show at that time. It's Paul Mooney.

Oh, yeah, I bet that was him, dude. Watch how he delivers it. He goes first, and he goes, how are you doing, Jan? I like to ask the arresting officer a couple of questions. and the judge says, well, who are you? Are you as counsel? And he goes, yes, I've been his counsel.

How long have you been his counsel for all his life? All right, you may proceed. He walks up to the guy first and he says, what do you have against black people? And the judge says, incorrect or whatever the fuck he says. Objection. And he goes, he doesn't have.

anything against black people i'm black i'm and he goes yeah but you the judge and he goes can i ask the arresting office a couple more questions and that's me walks up he goes what do you what do you have against black people he goes i don't know anything against black people he goes don't do you arrest me or else do you arrest any white people right he goes yes i do them what the hell they take a look around you know all these n words in here there's enough end words in here to make a tazan movie god that was television in nineteen yeah seventy Could never do that today. But watch how he said it.

He said black first, and then he set it up with, and that's, that's Paul Mooney all the way. Genius writing. Paul Mooney could go with her from black to the N word, back to fucking, you know, 22 niggas, back to black. I mean, you know, he was a genius of that. Why cut that out, you know? That could never happen again today, but that's not the point of it. The point of it was the writing, the structure of it. You know, performing is one thing.

Now you have to learn the act of structure. Yes. Which some people have naturally. Some people know how to structure. It's amazing. I never knew how the structure. Right, right. I never had segways.

Oh, God, I had to learn that. I had to learn that, bro. Comedians like, I have great segways. I would just tell the joke and then go to another one. You stopped comics. I would blow off the stage early on that would call me Mr. No Segway. But who's getting laughs? Who's getting laugh?

It doesn't matter. fucking last yeah man while you're there focused on the fucking it's so weird how uh my netflix special came out today can't wait to see that dude the only knock that i have against the special i think netflix did a great job yeah jeff thompsic was on the show whatever is that i focused too much on the words okay yeah sure sure you know if i have to look back at it now and see what the only knock i have is my own shortcomings. I focus too much on the verbiage that I didn't focus on my heart,

which happens sometimes. How you learn all these things through experience. You know, it's like when you do a TV show and you have to learn the words, you can rehearse the words 20 times, and all of a sudden you'll feel it or go through you,

and now you correct the line in the perfect way. for both of my special. C-Syso, in fact, and the C-Saw, I corrected it. Yeah. On the C-So, the first show, I focused too much on the script, and I ate a bag of dicks. You have to.

The second show, I went off script, and I did a lot better than I did the first show, you know. It's just so weird that this Netflix special, that's the only knock I have. I think I did great. Lee likes it. Yeah. My agent likes it, you know.

I just think that I focus too much on the words. And that's what followed me up a little bit. But I'm like Max Holloway and the other guy, I got a lot better. I learned so much from it. Do you ever, you're going to laugh from me for making it about this, but did you ever hear the Empire Strikes Back story? The best line in any Star Wars movie, right, is Han Solo, Harrison Ford's not to get frozen. They capture him. It's in part two, right? And everybody thinks he's going to die.

And finally, Princess Leia just says, I love you. And in the script, Harrison Ford says, I love you too. He did 20 takes and he hated it. It wasn't working. And he told her, just please, let me do this. And so she goes, I love you. And he goes, I know. And that's the most memorable moment next to Darth Vader saying, I am your father, right? And he, because he went off script, followed us, you know, he went, now this is what, this is what my heart's telling me, this guy should fucking say made him the coolest fucking character in movie history. You know what I mean? Just the mode. The guy's facing death. He doesn't even say, I love you too. He's the I know. And then boom, that was it. That is how fucking badass that was. And that's, I, I get so scared

of that too, because before I tape any kind of CD or special, I recite it over and over and over again, but I try to like make sure that I have all the beats down, but also leave room in my head in case I want to take a quick little detour. It's okay. That's you have to tell yourself, right? Like it's okay because it's your script. You know what I mean? You're in it. Nobody else wrote this. We wrote it. So if I wanted go off it, fuck it. It's mine. I can go off it. Right? Like that's how you got to look at it. Like it's still tough though because, you know, in your head, you think this is a perfect way. I got to do it like that, you know? But yeah, like It's fuck man, it's your own organic thing.

You fucking do what you want with it, right? Like, but it's tough because I know, man. I get you get into that trap of like, oh, fuck, I have to do it this way. And that's it. And then I think every comic should leave a little bit of room. You know what I mean? Just a little bit of room to go off and just let's go here now. Let's go.

And that's why I felt I didn't do. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. You're absolutely right. You have to have that little bit. You look at comedy from such an obscure waste in time, especially when you think the same.

stakes around the line you think differently and that's what i learned i mean netflix was great yeah shooting of it was great sure jeff thomstick was great the staff everything the hotel i just i think the special is great i think you guys enjoy it yeah i just think that uh that's what was missing a little bit and i think if you see me now you'll see that i picked that that part up right wow right that's not gonna happen again i'm not gonna worry too much on this shit you know what i'm saying it's just It's very weird, Jerry, that I've grown up with a bunch of people. I've shared a quarter of my life with a bunch of people in this game. And you're one of them.

I mean, when I met you were a kid. And, you know, for a couple weeks, I've been wanting to put you on, you know, just to let you know that you're a fucking grinder. Yeah, that means a lot, man. And you're right there. I mean, grinders, I'm a grinder. Yeah. I'm a grinder. I love it.

I remember it. I don't want to name names. I really don't want my name names. But God, damn. Remember those comics? that you and I, you would call me sometimes. I'll never forget this. You would call me at like one in the morning and you'd be,

hey, go to so-and-so's website, right? And we both be reading the bio and just howling. Remember that? We just these cheese balls, and we feel like these motherfuckers don't put any work in. They just do the same shit over and over and over and over and over. They think they have it made. I'll never forget.

I was in Bart's room. And look, I'll be cool. I'm not going to say any, you know, who it was, but I'm not going to say who it was. But I told you the story, the headliner that I was working with was on the phone back when Trey was in Addison and he was talking to Trey. And he goes, man, fuck those L.A. people. They want to come find me.

They know where I'm at. And I remember you, you were dying. I told you that story. I called you from the condo and that guy was asleep. And I'm like, Joe, you're not going to believe what I just heard. And we were howling. And you were like, look, nobody's going to go fucking over there to find this dumb motherfucker. You know, like, oh, my God, we would do that all the fucking time.

You know, one of the hardest things in comedy is in the beginning, you work with a lot of junk. You work with people that, and when I say junk, it's, I shouldn't even say that you work with, you work with people who have been beat up by this business. Yeah. You work with people that I can't say they didn't, I'm not saying they didn't, but. to work in but maybe somewhere they cut a piece out and they came to LA and they had zero success in LA and now they have to live in LA so they have to take these weird rooms to pay their rent and I mean they would tell me like I'm paying my lease to you know you work with these guys in October and their lease was over in December yep and they were miserable and they were

All they would do is talk about how awful L.A. is. Horrible L.A. was. You just got to be an ass kisser. That's your only way you make it. Fuck off. You have to suck dick. Yes. You don't know how many times I heard you had to be gay.

You had to be gay. I've heard that, oh, yeah. Don't go out there. Don't go out there. Then there's a level of it, people that exist that you cannot believe. Like, you're an excited guy. You walk into a place. You're so excited.

You don't give a fuck. You don't see it for what it is. Yeah. It's a fucking dog. I bought. But do you... Carnegie Hall. It's Carnegie Hall.

Yes. And you walk in as a feature act. You get your hotel. There's two Hindus behind the desk. You know, the family lives there. You can smell the Hindu food. I still might as well be at the Ritz Carlton, right? Oh, my God.

You go into the room. You call. There's a channel that has dirty movies. Yes. But the guy has to switch the VHS. And sometimes he's jerking off and he goes into a trench. And we forget to switch it.

I mean, the hotels, this was way before free breakfast. This is way before they gave you a hardball bag and white bread. Right. Oh, yeah. You got nothing for breakfast, you know. Do you remember you were seeing those hotels? I know you have. I know you have.

We probably talked about this before. We're like, the gig, the club puts you in a hotel. And the room next to your room is a pimp's room. And he's just having chicks go. turn tricks in that room all fucking night and you can just hear it you can just like oh shit that's i mean it's crazy the fucking places we used to stay in i came to like that was tucson two son that condo no the hotel oh yeah town town that rudy used to put you up when you played the club bugsies right and if you showed up with a bug dilage in for free you know people don't understand

these things to you are like especially when you get a flyer oh man with your name on it it's man and you're performing on a Wednesday night in some fucking place and you get there and it's like I still remember Mark Babbitt God right now he's still alive yep that was it Babbitt yes put me Freddie and maybe

Bobby Lee in a barn it was a barn it was like Melvin's Comedy Corner and they only did one show a month and they threw the cattle out that day they swept up the hay it sat 500 people and everybody from the town was there oh man i think he paid me 400 dollars that ain't bad and no plane ticket right in those days i would

take the i would buy a plane ticket to houston that connected in san antonio and i jump off to plane in san antonio and take the bus to corpus because it was a lot cheaper I mean, you had to pull tremendous scams. Oh, fuck, yeah. That was the scam. And then I would go to the airport in San Antonio. This is before 9-11, and they would go, what are you talking about? You had to get on the plane in Houston.

You're like, I missed it, so I drove here. And you're like, we'll let you on this time, but don't let that happen again. You don't know how many times I did that. Because the direct flight to San Antonio was a lot of money. Way more expensive. But if you went to Houston, it was $200 cheaper. And they connected to San Antonio. This was way before 9-11.

You can't do this now. They'll fucking throw you in jail. They'll throw you in fucking jail. When I first moved out here, I didn't tell any. Trey knew who used to run Addison and Randy Butler knew, right? Because they kind of, you know, they were nice. But the clubs in Houston, Austin, San Antonio, I didn't tell them I moved. I was just, there were times where they called me, hey, can you come feature tomorrow?

And I did it. packed my shit and I drove from LA to Houston in one sitting made it in time to take a small nap try to recharge and then go do this show you know I did that a bunch man L.A. to Houston yeah I did that I did that twice that's 24 hours I did it twice went I did it one time too it was boy you feel it right remember like but dude by I did two times the first time but a bunch of times I would just like they would give me a little bit of advance notice so I would like get a hotel I'd go halfway But a bunch of times I would do that go halfway and I didn't tell them I'd live because I that was a lot of work they would give me when I lived in Texas That trip

You start off in LA Yeah, and the first stop is Tempe yep You take your legs out you fill up the tang take a piss take a piss Take a piss get a fucking sandwich and then your next spot is Opaso El Paso or if you have enough maybe you get the Van Horn Right, but you got to fill up You got to fill up in El Paso he ain't gonna make it to Van Horn Yeah

There's shit. They're shit. Fuck, there's nothing. You better be filled up in El Paso. Man. You better be tip-top Magoo. You're better, your batteries better be charged. Yes.

If you're tired, just drend the 9 El Paso on the free. Because the rest of it, is that? The rest of it. That's the real test. That's the real test. That's cactuses for four hours. No gas station, no radio. God forbid it's in the summertime during the day.

Oh, the radio would shut off. It's 800. It's 100 plus outside. It's 100 plus. Humid and you're fucking like, ah, oh God, it was, man, Jesus. I remember those. And yeah, you had no radio to listen to. So that's, I, there's no radio out there, Jack.

I would make, I would burn, yeah, I would burn my own mix CDs and save them for that trip. For that part of the trip, I like, I put in my own music and fuck you just, oh, my God. What's the longest that you drove? That was it. It had to been L.A. Oh, fuck it. I thought the worst, though, was one time the guy. guy who owned the Ha in in New York he had sweet carolines it was a room in Virginia Beach and I he he

you go headline there right every now and again it was always great but one time after it already left New York I was still in Texas before I came out here and I was I was I was he goes hey can you I had a guy fall out I know you're in Texas I'll give you a couple extra hundred bucks you I'll give you a couple days notice right you can come out here I was like fuck I drove headlined that room and as I was headlined I was closing it out fuck I forgot I forgot when it was, but he had me stay, because it was like a seven night a week room, right? And he had me stay until like Tuesday. I forgot why.

But I think a guy backed out. So I was there until Tuesday. I did the week, and I was there until Tuesday the next week. And then he calls me, Jeff Jones calls me in Little Rock. I was, hey, you want to come in middle? And I'm like, fuck, I can make it. And so I was in Virginia Beach. And I was trying to nap in the club.

I was trying to nap in the club before I left. And this local comment kept bouncing jokes off of me. Like, and I was too nice to tell him to go, fuck off. And he kept waking me up to tell me, hey, what do you think? Maybe I should say this instead. And I'm like, yeah, that's great, man. I was like trying to nap. And so I was already a zombie.

And I get in my car after the late show Tuesday. And I'm driving to Little Rock. And I may, I don't know how I made it. The last, I have no memory of the last two hours of the trip. No memory. I was like, oh, fuck, I don't know how I got here, but I made it. Like, it was crazy. But the longest, that was about 20, maybe, something like that.

But the longest was Houston to L.A. for certain one sitting, fuck, man. That was crazy. I've done L.A. to Dallas, too, in one sitting. I've done Colorado to Detroit. Oh, shit. In Colorado to Baltimore. Oh, fuck. That was probably my longest.

That's got to be, what, close to 30, Colorado to Baltimore, right? Yeah. Yeah. I would stop in Michigan. do the weekend in Michigan and drive back to Colorado. That was the longest. And then the longest in the car that I was had to be eight months. Yeah.

In a car, like that one shot. And then the second time, the last time I did it was like six months or something, something not natural. Right. Yeah. You're like, you know what? It's time to get out of the fucking car because it's fun at first. It is.

Oh, it's great. It's a great journey. It's a great way to learn. It's a great place to see the country. You see a lot of- Right, a lot of material. You write so much material just being around these. And then, but-

It's like going to summer camp for stand-down. Yeah? That's exactly what it is. You've committed six months of your life to summer camp for stand-up. But once you take a plane, there's no planes, really. There's no planes.

You know that there's no planes. There's really no planes. It's buses or- I've done Amazon. Track, Greyhound, and drive my own car. Yeah, you drive your own car. Back then, fuck yeah. I couldn't afford it.

Now, no, you can't fly right now. As a feature act, there's no way. You can't. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That most of these clubs don't want to put up a feature. Nope. Because they got 40 people. They got 40 people in town who can do it.

So now you go into a town, you got to pay for your own hotel, and you take that difference. And it's, listen, man, as what pisses me off is the people who think they're going to do it and make money. you have to go into comedy like thinking I'm not going to make a dime and if I tell you what the secret is it's the real secret that it really is

somebody told me this and this is we'll end on this it's punching in yeah yeah you know everything you do for the first 10 years you're punching it the more you punch in the more money you'll make down the road but you got to keep punching it

and you can't care punching that card punching that card punching that card. Yep. And you know what? There's weeks you break even, but you're working. You're doing,

you have to look at it that you're doing what you didn't want to do. This beats me being blah, blah. This beats me being blah, blah. At least I can prove to my mom that I stayed on. I made it one more fucking. Yeah, fuck yeah. It's just this, uh,

this really weird feeling. And that's why I, I admire grinders, brother. And I see that you're doing a CD and I wanted to celebrate it. Thank you, man. I want to let people know that you're doing this this Thursday at the ice house. It means a lot. And that you're one of the guys that I've seen grow.

You're not a fucking pussy. You've never been a pussy. Thanks, man. You've gone through hell. You've had management and fucking stroke jobs and, you know, people sign you. I mean, you've gone through it all. Yeah. And you're still here.

and you're that one cuntare from just taking over the world. You don't even know it. So I really appreciate you coming on. I appreciate this. I really appreciate our 20-year friendship and how, you know, bro, you've never called me complaining. You've always called with questions. Oh, because I love your advice. You've always called with advice.

And I hope I never bothered you. We've always come to a conclusion. Yep. I've always told you my advice, but then we make a conclusion of what works. Yep. You know, if I don't have the answer, I'll call some. who does. I have heard the situation before from somebody.

Sure. You know, I'm going, I get a call from somebody, hey, they want to book you in Laredo, Texas. Hold on one second. Let me call you back. Yeah. What do you think of this guy? Don't do it.

Right. Right. Right. You know, it's just, it's just, this is what part of this business is. It's having allies that there's no animosity between you. Right. And me, in fact, I was talking about one of the real jokes

in comedy is you, you know, the white people eating Mexican from the jingle bells. The racist uncle. The racist uncle. Yeah, man. That has always been one of my favorite bits and comedy. Thank you so much, man. And I just want people to know he's doing the show at what time? It's two.

730 and 930. Listen, man, if you do me, have you ever did me a favor, do me this favor? This kid's a real fucking star. Thank you, man. When I tell you that, there's comics out there that, you know, for some reason or another, Comedy Central doesn't talk to them. so you guys don't put no verification on them. And if you've learned anything through these podcasts, look at what you've learned,

that there was a lot more comics out there that meets the eye that you guys never would have known about without these stupid podcasts. If you're in the L.A. area Thursday night, please go down and support my main man, La Rocha. Thank you. Fucking tape a CD, and I'm sure Leo go up there

and applaud for you and jump up and down. He ain't doing nothing better. So he's going to represent the church with his shirt on and do bongings. Yeah, dude, I love you, man. Thank you. I got to tell you, you kept me going. I never told you this story, but this is a perfect time.

When I ever gotten discouraged, one of the nights, I was really discouraged, man. I think I had gotten dumped. Like, I'm on the road. You know, the girl calls me and dumps me when I'm on the road. I think I might have been, I was in Tulsa. So I called you. I was almost crying. And I was just like, man, I just hope I'm doing the right thing.

I remember telling you that. I said, I hope I'm doing the right thing. And you quoted the beginning of apocalypse now. And he goes, let me tell you something. Because everybody out here is getting soft. He goes, you're in the weeds getting stronger. Never forget that. And that kept me going, bro.

That was like, fuck. That was so, I needed that. I needed that. And it really, it just, I can't thank you enough for that. I don't know if you remember that night. Yeah, I remember. And you told me, you said, you're out in the year, you're, you're fucking, remember that line that he says in the beginning, I'm just here getting soft.

My Charlie's out in the weeds. He's out in the weeds getting strong. I always knew all those years that I was sacrificed. Yeah. In a fucking bus station, waiting four hours in the middle of the night. You know, have $8 in your pocket. You got a shoplift, an old fucking hot dog. Yeah.

You always have at least that going through you. Yeah. That you're in the bush. And being in the bush, there's people that live here right now that are not in the bush. And they've been here for years. They're not in the bush. They don't know how to get in the bush. And they'll never get on the bush because they don't think that way.

It also breaks a heart when you see those dudes who were the who are the king of the mountains in whatever town they came from and they come out here expecting the same thing and they can't handle and they get that punch, right? You know what I'm talking about? Oh, please. It's it's like those fighters who have never taken a punch and all of a sudden they're in the ring and they're being cute and they get whacked and they're like, oh, fuck. I got punched 52 times. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. 52 times and kicked and fucking stomped on and fucking lied to and the whole.

thing and you know what I'm happy I did fuck yeah I'm happy I did because you know I see people and I think I was telling I went to Cleveland with George Perez and me and George at one point we're talking about all the people that came and went that had more talent than we ever trimmed of right

I could tell you people who came and went that were brilliant writers or a way of performing and they just didn't cut the main thing was perseverance they didn't have the main thing to stick out of here where it's just a little perseverance and that's it you have to wait around if you give enough time you wait for the miracle to happen yeah it'll fucking happen yes and it's your own personal miracle it may not be being louis c k and selling out stadium right now it may not be being

kevin heart right but it's your own fucking private idaho and you created it and you're happy with it and content and you stay within your bounds and you don't make believe you're joey bananas right And you're not a premieres smoking cigars. You know what I'm saying? I love it. I love going under the radar. Listen, November 1st, 7.39.30 at the Ice House. And do not forget, Uncle Joey, next week, New York Comedy Festival, Gotham's.

Thursdays sold out. Saturday late sold out. You got three shows to fucking choose from. And then the week after, the night before Thanksgiving, I'm an Irvine. That's all you need to know. I want to thank Jerry La Rocha. Thank you, man. For coming on this show, my man.

I love it. Thank you, brother. I appreciate it. All right, I want to thank my man, Jerry Roker. I want to thank my man, the Christkiller. And I want to thank you guys for listening. Don't forget, the church is brought to you by my book. Let me tell you something.

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Have a great Tuesday. Enjoy the special. Thank you for support me without you guys. I wouldn't even have this fucking thing. So thank you very much. And have a great day. Stay black. All right, my little brother.

We did it again. I want to be around to pick up the pieces. When somebody breaks your heart, some somebody twice as smart as I'm somebody who will swear to be true as you used to do with me, Who'll leave you to learn? That misery loves company Wait and see I mean I want to be around To see how he does it

When he breaks your heart two bits Let's see if a puzzle fits So fine. That's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet. As I sit there applauding from a front... When somebody breaks your heart like you...