The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #632 - Felicia Michaels

Episode Date: November 5, 2018

Felicia Michaels, comedian, photographer and co-host of "The Liars Club" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/muffler for 10% off of your portable bidet order.   23andme.com - 23andMe is a DNA testing service that can offer you insights on to how your DNA can influence your weight, sleep quality and much more. Order your 23andMe health and ancestry kit at 23andMe.com/church    ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church Recorded live on 11/04/2018.
  

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Felicia Michaels. The Christ Killer. Oh. A little TLC for you, motherfuckers, early morning. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Here we go, creeping with a cape on, slinging dick in the middle of the night, you shit. This jam's about right here. It's all over. Your home, you got your pajamas on, but mama calls, you know what I'm saying? You gotta put on your little fucking cologne, powder of the nuts, take the right down to 405, show up on 215 and show all the horses, but, gigantly. It's the church, bitch, is Monday morning.

and let's pick this right the fuck up. First off, as you and I both know, Felicia Michaels, welcome to the show. Thank you. That as a veteran comic of 20 years, 50% of this comedy journey is not the hard work you put on stage. It's the relationships outside of comedy and the adversities that present themselves.

That's what makes you a good comic. That's what makes you a good plumber. That's what makes you a good roofer. That's what makes you a good mechanic is to, after 20 years, you know your craps on. much that what's a pain in the ass for somebody else you figure it out that's what makes you good but in this comedy journey the craziness is the first 10 years and the stick that has to be removed out of your ass for you to become a successful comedian right because you have to go into areas

that you never dreamed of going to to get a laugh you never of a dream of, you know, that story you told me about sleeping at Dennis Lerries with the window broken. Right, right, right. And the snow was coming through the window. Right. You have to do things that are opposite your comfort zone altogether. Absolutely.

To the point where you get creep to fuck out. You and I haven't had a conversation before about the comedy store last year. At this time, every time I go to the comedy store, get car sick. And then when I get to the comedy store, I have tons of anxiety because I knew my, Mitzi, and this is going to be in her, and I told Rogan and I'm in town everybody 10 years from now, like these idiots talk about Stanislovsky and this guy, there's going to be a Mincy Short Comedy Guideline book, that every comic is going to add one line to that. Mitzi said to them one night on the way in and how it applied to them, that's the book.

That's the book. And it was so weird. The Comedy Store Original Room, for me to get a laugh in there, how I want them to laugh, I have to go so far out of my comfort zone, but it disturbs me. So I figured out after going back to the notebooks at night and reading, you know, because when I get home at night, I decompress, I write a page. I force myself to write a page. Sometimes it's two pages.

And I read the discomfort in my notes. And it was that I was being such a pussy because I knew when you go to the comedy, you got to go all in. You got to go all in. Right. You got a fake the funk. You have no cards in your corner and you got 10 million. You got to push that 10 million in and go, I'm in and fake it.

Hopefully the guy folds and look at you. You fold it. That's what it's like. Well, I remember when I was first at the comedy store, I think I became a regular in 1985 or 86. And Prior used to come in. And he would go in on a Tuesday night and he would be so fucking terrible because he's trying all new stuff.

But as a new comic watching it and people would walk out, it would be so. fucking terrible and you literally be like this is the great prior but just by being fortunate enough to be at the comedy store and to see tuesday night then go back wednesday night and see him do the same material but tighten it up and so it's not as bad then go thursday but just to see the process of what prior did to get something ready and that he had to emotionally dig himself some big fucked up hole all the time to get to that you know show on friday night where it was fucking smooth as butter you know what i mean like It was a process that he did.

And to be able to see someone like him do it, it gives you comfort. You know what I mean? And I think when you're speaking about the half of the part of comedy that's not just working on your act, it is hanging out with other people and seeing what other people are struggling with or seeing how other people are doing it. And sometimes you're not even ready to do it. Like when I left comedy and came back, I took a joke writing class with Gabe Abelson. I fucking flappers, right? Just because I was like, oh, I need, you know, my jokes are kind of sloppy, whatever. And it changed my life because he was like the head writer at Letterman for like 10 years.

But to learn their like real structure of how to write a joke, I don't necessarily do that all the time. But it totally changed my act. And it took how long to fucking be able to be open enough to listen to someone else give advice. You know, but that's all the process of it and the friendships you make. you know what I mean? To think the people you started out with how you fucking hated them or you had some stupid ass beef that 20 years later, those people are going to be the people that give you a hand to lift you up.

Or, you know what I mean? Say something was so kind when you thought they were being a piece of shit and it was totally, you know, yourself projecting. But all of that, learning all of that, poor Lee has to go through it now. I learned a lot this week, you know. Again, I want to thank you people who watch the special and degenerates and supported me on Netflix.

It's really weird the reaction I've gotten from people. Like I had a long conversation with Neil Brennan, and I pulled him aside and told him that, you know, between him and John Mullaney, that's what you aspire to be as a comic, you know, real precise joke writers. And whenever I go out of my comfort zone, sometimes I try to be like those guys,

and I eat a bag of dicks, you know? And I told him that. I go, if I wrote like you, and then the other flip side, he goes, If I could perform like you, then I take the fucking, you know what I'm saying? So everybody has holes in their game, everybody, you know. Bring something different to it. Bring something different to the table.

But it's so weird how we were just laughing about something. I don't know. Lee just said something on how Lee is in for the journey of his life because Lee's very in. Lee's very in, you know. And he has to, and he doesn't know that to fully emerge yourself. in the world of comedy. It's, you go against your belief sometimes. You go against that stuff you learn when you went to Israel.

Little things that you keep sacred, you're going to have to put aside. If not, you're not going to grow as a comic. Things that you might not like to do, things that it's so weird how that part of the journey makes you also. Like it's, it makes you also. Do you see what I'm saying? Mm-hmm.

Well, you have to live your life in order to report on your life. Yes. Like sometimes with comedy, you can get so anal and so into it. And so I just want to do this that you put your personal life to the side. But you have to live your life. I mean, I hate to be lame like that, but there you go. I didn't live a life for 10 years. I just thought about comedy.

But I also was doing drugs and whatever, you know. My goal was this to do, you know, a couple sets of night. and after that one set, that's when the party starts. Right. And it was ever there, that's where you go home with, you know, whatever, you wake up in the morning and say, I got to go and nobody knows nothing the next day. And, you know, it's weird.

It's a weird thing in the beginning, you know, like how just you live your life like a nomad. A lot of people can't live their life like nomads. They need structure. But I always had structure as a nomad. Like, that's the thing. if you're going to be a nomad, you still have to have structure. I forced myself to have structure when I was a nomad.

And then when I first got to the store, my structure was two phases. It was cocaine and comedy. You ever hear of M&Ms? Minus C and C's. That's it. That's all I thought about. How to score, how to keep my rent paid, and how to do comedy every night. That was my focus.

You know, and it's so weird. I don't regret it at all. I had a great fucking time. If I had to do it all over again or work in a fucking something I didn't want to do, I'd take the same route all over again. I enjoyed sleeping in my closet those three months. I enjoyed sleeping on Ralphie's floor. Like, if I could do it again, I'd do it again.

Right. You know, there was this comic that he was one of the first comics to have a CD out. And he was horrible. And one night he gave the CD to Ralphie. And at night, we used to have a running joke. Everybody tied, yeah, put it in that comic CD. And we'd all fall asleep to it, like, every night. Oh, really?

Yeah, we'd all fall asleep to the same CD. Instead of somebody reading you a bedtime story, it was this comic CD. And we were all like, man, I slept rough last night. That CD put us right to bed. Like, all those. Jesus. But it isn't even, like, I still remember getting on stage with suits on.

That you wore a suit. Oh, because you used to wear a suit all the time. Three months. You did that? For three or four months, I always got on stage with suits on for four months. It lasted four months. And out of the four months, I went on stage probably, let's say 16 times a month with the suit on four times a week. And I would bomb five times a week with a suit on.

There was something about a suit that put a block on me. And when there I said, I'll never wear a suit again because I saw Lenny Clark wear a suit on Rodney Dangerfield special. He came out with a nice suit up front. Right, right. So I said, I'm going to emulate him and wear a suit like him. But it was so weird. As soon as I took the suit off, I started getting laughs. Interesting.

Like once I got down to the level of who I am, because you can't put a silk hat on the pig. Right. And people read through it when I put a suit on. Well, when I was younger, and I know this sounds so dumb, but when I used to wear high heels, I would never have a good set. Because if I had, like, high heels,

and the day it was like mini skirts in high heels, And it's just like, because it didn't feel grounded. It felt like you're out to fuck. You know what I mean? Like, and people wouldn't buy it. And I didn't feel, and I think because I didn't feel comfortable in it. But as soon as I didn't care, then it got better. You know what I mean?

It's funny because you don't know when you're starting out, you know, how to go about it, how to figure it out. I want a person to feel comfortable on stage. Like when I see a woman with heels on stage, it's tough right now to stand there. I feel it when I'm looking at her. Like I'm saying to myself, I wonder what she's got in her feet moving around like that. Fucking,

you pull Madonna or Beyonce. Because all those bitches have fallen one fucking time. They're all falling. I would hate to see a comic fucking fall like that. But I couldn't imagine going, yeah, I like to be grounded also. Right.

I like sneakers up on stage. No flip-flops, no nothing, no shorts, jeans, T-shirt. Yeah, no big patterns. No. If you're up front, right.

You got to wear a comedy. shirt if you're the AMC. Right. Margaret Cho told me you always have to wear one fucked up thing. One stupid thing. A scarf. Yeah, something done. Yeah, something goofy. You know, it's so weird.

I've had the same hairdo since I was a kid. Like, everything's the same. You had the same hair due since you were a kid? Yeah. Was your hair always greased back? Well, before grease, it just went up in the air. Right. Okay.

You know, I just combed it. And it would just go up in the air from the humidity. and then I started putting grease in my hair when I moved to like boulder or something. Once the humidity was gone, I just had to calm it down. So this is the same fucking hand to, like there's no chains.

There's been no evolution. Did you do a mullet? Did you ever do a mullet? All the time. Oh, you did a mullet? I still have like a half a mullet. I mean, the guy's like, really? I go, yeah, leave the length.

Just cut off the bushes. It's not mullet. My fucking ears look like, you know, like they're fucking targets. If you don't leave a little bush in the back, my ears look like fucking targets. So what are you going to do? No, I don't believe in that whole dress-up comedy. I want you to be up there yourself. When I see somebody dressing up to do comedy, it kind of bothers me a little bit.

There's some people who doesn't bother me. Well, John Mullini, doesn't he? No, he looks good. Yeah, he looks sharp, yeah. He looks good. But he looks comfortable in it. I like what he would wear at a grocery store. I like to take.

tiny girl when she wears furs and gloves on stage. Natasha Leisure? Yeah, she looks nice when she dress up for sure. Yeah, I like all that shit. Yeah, I like all that shit. Some people are meant to sell it. Some people are faking the funk, you know, and that's it. Once I see anything in the comics armor that fakes the funk,

I can't pay attention to them. And that's really hard to be who you are at that level. I don't know. It's just weird, you know. it's like when I don't know I don't want to get myself in a hole here no but you don't even like

prop comics like I don't know right right but you don't see prop comics no more right I know remember when that was a thing it's crazy right you don't see a lot of musical comedy no more yeah well sometimes you'll see still guitar comedy here and there but not like it was besides Sarah Sullivan

yeah who else who else plays the guitar anymore the one guy that used to do A couple girls that do. Esther Koo sometimes does. Does she play at the ukulele? Yeah, sometimes every great once in a while. I haven't seen her do it in a while, though.

I haven't seen Esther Koo period. I hit her up on Twitter yet. Is she in town? She's been around, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's so funny. But I see you're getting spots. I'm starting to get spots again at the comedy start.

Well, let's start from the beginning of this. This is really weird. Years ago, you came to me when said, hey, you said that fucking Mizalab told you that you weren't going to get spots at the store no more. This is the guy before Adam. He, who shall not be named? I can give a Frenchman's fuck.

Yeah, because I had quit comedy for a while, and then I went back and I was hanging out a little bit, and I was like, hey, so, you know, do I come on Mondays and try to get on, friends and family? Well, like, how do I go about this? And he looked at me, and he was just like, we don't book any of the old guys here. But it made me laugh because it was like, that's fucking bold bitch.

I know. I was like, all right. I wasn't even a regular. I was a regular at the store, but I wasn't going to the store. Right. When you told me that, I was like, this guy has gone fucking crazy, you know. Why did you stop going to the store? I stopped going to the store because of, I stopped going to the store because of a lot of reasons.

I got the surgery on my neck. and they took the fat ball out, and the fat ball, as soon as I saw it, it looked like a ball of hate, and just, you know, and the Cubans are very superstitious. They call it Monday. There was just a lot of reasons. I had done my tenure there. Right, right.

You have to know in life when you, I never want to be kicked out. I want to walk on my own two feet. Yeah. Okay, so at that time, I saw the guard changing a little bit. Mitzie started getting old. I had already been there, like I said, since 97, maybe. And it was 2006. And I just noticed little things.

I heard little sayings. People would say things to me about Rogan in a negative way, but trying to be cute, offhanded. And Tommy was one of the first people that ever came up to me. While Rogan was on tour with Eddie Murphy's brother and John Heffron and Tom Seguer and those guys, Joe has gone for a long period of time. And I was up there one Thursday night or something. And him and another guy that remained unnamed came up to me and they're like,

where's your buddy tonight? Like trying to like, like, when you're in high school, like, where's your butt buddy? Like Rogan. He's on tour and he goes, oh, I didn't take it. You know, like they were like busting my balls. And they said, just to let you know when he comes back, things are going to change. around here he's not gonna be able to do 45 minutes and stuff I don't never forget that I did my spot I got my car and I went home at the time Terry didn't work in no

more so I wouldn't have caused the beef for the family or nothing so I just went home and made a mental note and when I came down the drugs the next day I saw it wasn't a mental note I saw that it was a declaration of war in my fucking paranoid cocaine mind, and that I had not done anything about it. If that was me 20 years early, I would have bang both their fucking heads together. But I was so addicted to the Coke,

and my brain was so gone at the time that I didn't know what they were saying to me. You know, they were threatening me, like in an acute way, like two buddies. 20 years ago, with a sidekick one guy and hit the other guy in the head with a bottle and just drove away. But my addiction,

be down like I was like I'm not gonna do that I'm just like I'm home but right then and there I go you know what before I end up in jail before this goes down I'm just gonna stop going up there something I go first of all how fortunate of I that Mitzie sure picked me to be a regular that's number one right I'm way ahead of the game and for the last seven years she's been giving me spots so if you started in uh What's the club I like in the province? The comedy connection. It's a great little club.

It's each 250. If you walk in there on a fucking Sunday night, do the open mic spot. And then you do the open mic every night. You put work in. After seven years, that'll be your home club. Right. And by that time, you'll be co-headlining the room. And one day the owner's going to come up to you and go, Lee, I really like you.

I know that your father's ill. I know that you take care of your mom. but for this career to go anywhere, you got to get out of province. You got to move on. So it's like a seven-year window that you have at a club before you have to move on. And the thing is, when you're at the comedy store,

it's such a privilege to be there. You know, it's a mind-fuck in its own way because it's, you know, where you're trying to learn your craft, right? And it's such an amazing thing to be there, but if it's your home club at a certain point, you have to fly, like what you're saying. And it's so weird.

return of events because it happened right around this time 11 years ago it happened in 2007 so I had the surgery that January and after that January boom Rogan gets to whatever there's a little drama at the store I was a little upset things weren't working out how they wanted at that time I did a big motion feature and nothing happened but the truth of the matter is my addiction was at an all-time Like I was going nuts. Like I wasn't even hanging out with the people I was getting hooked with them. I was way beyond that level. I was doing three grams a night, six in the morning.

Terry would be waking up and I'd be going to bed type shit. You know, that type shit. And I had already known, I'm like, I got to get out of this store. Like, I have to get out of the store. And I remember the tour finished for Rogan. And one night at the store, Rogan put me up before him. And when we got off, I pulled him a cell. side and I go, let's give this place a break, because something's going to go down and down here.

And he goes, no, no, I don't know what you're talking about, you know. And a couple of weeks later was when the seed was planted for the whole Carlson seed. Oh, really? So the whole Carlisman seed was planted in December. I was already pulling back. I had already known what was going on, but something else happened that was interesting. Marilyn Martinez died. Right.

Her anniversary was yesterday, 11 years. So at that time, I was clean from Coke for like seven or eight days. I don't know the exact amount because I was shooting a movie. I booked the movie. And the guy told me that he knew I was a fucking Coke fiend. That if I was going to take the movie, I had to stop doing blow because I was on to fuck up the production schedule. So that's why I quit doing blow.

Then I went up to the store and I blew up by Jeff. does at the way. And I said, that proves it that I don't need to be at the store no more. That's the proof right there. I'm too old. I've lived this life already. I've lived this life already. I know when I'm volatile.

And I know when I don't belong somewhere. And that night I knew when I went home in the car, I'm never going back up to the store. I called Brogan again. About five days later, it was when I got the car. The seed getting planted for the whole Carlos. thing. I didn't take the bite. I didn't take the bite. So they had other people, they deployed other people to put blood into Joe. In January, 2008 is when Joe went off on Carlos. It was around that January after the Super Bowl commercial. Carlos had a Super Bowl commercial. So the tension

started in December. Now the New Year, people calm down. People have new resolution. and shit. Now it's the Super Bowl. And who's got the third commercial on the slate? Carl was going to see it. Well, guess what? Everybody saw that. And the hatred who came to a boil. And maybe two weeks later, they're tortured them over on stage at the comedy store. And then a week later, the Joe gets banned. Yeah. So I saw the heat coming. I saw how they were going to twist it around. I got the first call to be the first fucking Judas.

but I wouldn't buy it. I said no. If Carlos is on stage, I don't give a fuck. If somebody's on stage, I don't give a fuck who's on stage and Carlos walks in, Carlos gets to bump that person.

That was how they called me. They called me to ask me my opinion on what I thought about Carlos, Eddie Griffin, walking into the store. And I said, here's my rule. My rule is I'm a peon.

If I'm in the back of the room, if I'm on stage, I see Paul Rodriguez, Paul Mooney, Richard Pryor. At that time, the guy who died, Larry Sanders, what's his name? Gary Shanling? Gary Shanling used to come in when I first got it down there. Right, yeah, he used to come in there a lot. Mo Mandel, what's the name?

Howie Mandel. Howie Mandel. Eddie Griffin, Andrew. Yacoff, Yacoff. No, at that time, Yacoff had Missouri. He was running. Arsenio, Arsenao by that time. Once in the Wayans could bump.

Yeah. Yes. Damon. Damon can bump. That was an understanding. So as soon as you saw them, you were like, fuck. Yes. Like if you had 1145 and you saw Damon, you were fuck.

And then if you saw Damon with the 10 brothers, you were doomed because that's it. They were doing a variety show. You're doomed. Your agent is there. Your grandmother flew in. The invisible comedian. Remember when he did the invisible comedian? No, no.

You have no idea. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So your spots at 1145, you have an audition to 10. and Damon Wayans are walking with the whole family with the older brother, the creator of In Living Color, and the two younger brothers. And you would just sit there and go,

oh my God, I'm dead. And one night, there was a kid that went on, Keenan Ivory Wayans was on stage at the store. And Thomas Ward said, why don't you get off the stage and let some funny black dudes go up? He didn't say it that way. He said it in a more rough way.

More rough. He said it in a little bit more rough way. He was black. He's allowed to say it. Okay. The words he was allowed to say. And Mincy banned him for 30 days. Oh, really?

Yeah, because Keenan was up on stage and he was supposed to go up next. You know, people's fucking. After a while, when you got bumped a lot. No, that was rough, man. Think of being 1145 and getting bumped five nights in the rough. Yeah. And your spots now at 1230 to 8.

And you got a rock of Coke in your pocket, burning a hole in your pocket. You got a chick that's ready to suck dick. but you could leave you could leave you always had the option to leave and be a fucking mutt or you could stay and learn something

go in there get pissed off and watch this guy and then watch him die for ten minutes and then watch him turn the room around and you go why that's why he's the fucking star that's what the brilliant thing was when you got bumped I used to get bumped all the time

I used to go down there early on a Saturday and try to get that 845 spot Nobody would be there. And I'd just be ready to walk up and Gary Shanley would walk in. God damn it. Yeah. Mother fucker. What are you got to come down with shit?

And there you are at 11.30. And then dice would come in. And he'd do it out. Oh, yeah. See, at least now if you bump, you're only allowed to bump by 20 minutes. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay.

You can't do. They let you know right off the bat. Yeah. There's a very strict rule now. Yeah. When you see that light, you got two minutes, bitch. And get on. So was Tommy the one that was in charge when that whole Carlos thing went down?

Yes, yes. Right. He was one of the instigators in the, to try to get another comic ahead. It was just a weird thing. And it could only happen at the comedy store. At that time, it's such a fucking weird thing to call it, but the talent coordinator was such a weird name for these people. because all they did was put Mitzis, you know what I'm saying?

Right. They were told Mitzie was available. They would fax the list back and forth. And it was in the town, the position of talent coordinator could be a fucking blessing or it could be a curse. Lee, you don't know what it is to get tortured. You don't know what it is to be the talent coordinator at the comedy store. When people tell you you lost weight, you look great,

they start giving your spots in their room. if they pay everybody else $50, they give you $75. You know, the talent coordinator is a rough position if you're a comedian. Yeah, yeah. It could eat you alive. I saw it eat somebody alive. I saw it eat a couple people alive.

And it can eat you alive if you're not a comedian. Because you still get that power. Right. For sure. That power in LA can be the talent coordinator. But then it's like how do you, when you're in a position, whatever job you're doing where someone could totally change your life.

But then you kind of like that person, but you don't want to kiss ass. That's where I always get all fucked up. You know what I mean? Like, how do I approach this person? Should I just, usually just leave people be and then people think I'm not friendly because I feel like, fuck, everybody wants to suck their dick.

Why should I get on this? There's two rules to this. Yeah. There's two rules. And it's plain them simple. A, be yourself. Mm-hmm. And B, be funny.

Right. Yes, yes. If you do those two rules, you got no beefs with nobody. It's when you go out of that thing. There's people who, they're not slick. They're not slick. Well, wouldn't it be obvious if someone, like, I imagine it's like an entourage, like if they're just like, let's say I was the talent coordinator, but then they switch a lot.

So what if I got fired in there? Suddenly your talent coordinator and all those people are kissing, up to you. Like, isn't it other people who just switch from person to person? Brother, listen. We were talking about it when I went to Providence and Danny Kelly, you know, I love you and I'll tell the story. I was Danny

Kelly's roommate. When he was, I, and I've told this on the podcast before, there was two things I observed early on. The Josh Wolf development deal and the Danny Kelly situation. I was very fortunate I knew it existed in the world. I knew it existed in the world I came from,

but I'm a fucking criminal. I'm a criminal, but I didn't know it existed in the comedy world. And in the comedy world, it's worse than in the criminal world. Because in the criminal world, I know where you stand. I know you're dangerous.

I know you're a fucking thief. I know you cut your fucking drugs. I know you don't pay your bills. I know if you carry a knife with these people. You don't really know where they stand. That's why guys like Harvey Weinstein were created. Because you don't know where the fuck you stand with these guys.

The power goes to a different level. You know, Harvey Weinstein in the beginning was a nice guy. He would take a look at you maybe, you know what I'm saying? Towards the end, if you read some of that stuff. Right. It was just straight to the sucking and fucking, you know what I'm saying? I mean, he just got that powerful. Well, I'm sure every time moving the little line, you know,

It's like me looking in the mirror and going, I'm going to meet Scarlett or whatever our name is at lunch and she's going to suck my dick. What? Like you have to be fucking crazy to be a guy like me and think that Scarlett Johans is going to suck your dick because he just invites you to. That's a reality. Right, right. Because he just invites you to a hotel.

Yeah. Like you think about how powerful he got in his mind, how the power just ran the fuck away with him. Right. So that's at every level. Hollywood. Now we got less moon pads. Now we have these these aren't bad guys. These aren't guys that started out like this. These are guys that got a powerful position handed to him and they figured out they had a fucking ace in their pocket at all times. Right. And you go in there with a dream. You don't want to go back to fucking Topeka, Kansas as a loser at least, you know what I'm saying?

So there's just so many variables to this. Now we break it down to comedy. When I first got to the commerce store with Scott Day. He was a serious guy and I was serious with him. I zero kissed his ass. Zero kissed his ass. I asked him for advice. He was my friend and I respected the hell out of him and he's probably listening to this podcast right now. But

he really was great at what he did. He listened to Mitsy and him and Mitsy put together great lineups. Then I thought they came and they went and I saw what the position did to some of the guys. Some of the guys abused women. Whatever happened happened. You know, whatever the fuck

happened. But that's such a weird spot to have. I was Danny Kelly's roommate. Here I was busting my hump. Fucking, you know, going on the road with Rogan a little bit, doing sponsors to store, following. And Danny Kelly lived here in L.A.

Yes. And then me and the stripper broke up. Okay. So Danny Kelly. From Washington? From Seattle, yeah. Okay. And Danny Kelly and his girlfriend broke up. And Danny Kelly lived across the street from Rock and Roll Rouse.

Okay. So it's that hotel. Right. Across the street. And behind the printing place. Is that where Josh Wolf lived too? No. Josh Wolf lived north.

Okay. Towards Corson. This was in a building then. It had a jacuzzi and a pool. Uh-huh. So he had a one bedroom. So he gave me the bedroom and he stayed in the living room. And I just slept on my clothes and on a duffel bag.

The duffel bag was my pillow. There was no sleep apnea machine then. there was nothing there was a blanket I had a half a blanket but there was a calendar on the wall and it was his calendar and I remember looking at that calendar every morning going how the fuck is he getting these gigs and he just wasn't getting gigs he was getting gigs and headlining him I mean you know the Ventura club before it was this club right there was a room in Orange County and how did he get him he was a town cord They're at the store.

Oh, I see what you're saying. Sure we would call him. You're the funniest guy in the world. Come on down. Come on down. And Danny was a funny guy. You know, he was a great guy. Right.

And then one day, Mitzie found out about some shit that was going down and she fired him. I mean, he walked into work, and his stuff was in a fucking box. Right. And they said, you're not even allowed to go upstairs. And he went home that afternoon. He was a little cracked. He ate dinner. And he had a spot at the improv.

In those days, you know how hard it was to get a spot to get up on a Monday night? Yeah. It was the hottest night in Hollywood. It was a freaky Monday. And it was their version of a black night. And from 8 to 840, it was hot white axe with the comic at 840 being Dave Attell or Pablo Francisco. And then after that, it just went black. He was getting spots there, which is a huge night in those days.

So he gets fired from the fucking comedy course. did his job on a Monday. He heads to the improv. Nobody really knows he got fired yet. He goes on stage. He does his first job, and the power goes out in the building. The whole building went down.

And he stayed up there for a few minutes with a lighter. But he knew, like God had sent him a lightened boat. And he got home within two days. You would see the slashes in the calendar. From the canceled work. Oh, right. Oh, we're not doing that gig anymore. And I'm the man going.

I lost three more gigs today. I lost four more gigs today. I saw a decline of a man that how creepy this town is when they want something from it. Right. You know, so right there I learned my biggest lesson that they always come dressed as whatever. And they always come. They're wolves dressed in sheep's clothing. Right.

I mean, he was getting gigs that people were dreaming of. Like local gigs that paid a thousand bucks. in those days, a thousand bucks. I'd suck your dick for thousand fucking bucks. Thousand fucking bucks. Are you crazy? Right. Wow.

Wow. That's a, I think the biggest lesson, though, like when you're starting out, is you have to have your fingers in a couple of different bowls, don't you think? You can't. Like, I see, I've seen a lot in my time in comedy where people who have stuck only with one person and have never ventured out. that that sometimes is not good too either, you know what I mean? What do you mean venture out?

Just like, you know, like they'll only do gigs in one club or they'll only, you know what I mean? They won't hang out with different types of comics. They only hang out with their group because, you know, people always go in their group, right? There's you, the Rogan group, right? There's like chick comedy group. There's, you know, all sorts of different groups. But the best thing that I have been happy about in my career is I've been able to hop a around in a lot of different groups,

because I think it's important, because it makes you grow. I go, 27 years, you know, I'm friends with a lot of comics. I see him, I give him a big hug. I'm happy for the success.

We're still in this fucking thing. I know, right? I know, right? I know. You know, we're fortunate. There's all that stuff. But there's also the, the thing like I was telling you at the house before.

What I know is good for me, you know? after I shot the Netflix special I saw 10 million holes in my game I really did it's the weirdest thing you're saying after you shot it but hadn't seen the finished product

even before I saw the finished product I knew I had a had holes in my game and I thought about it for a week and I read some of my writings that I had written at night and I figured out where the trigger was see because I write instead of paying for a fucking psychiatrist

I just write on a piece of paper and I read it back weeks later. And I just had fear. Fear was starting to come back in my life. Fear going to the store. Not fear following people, nothing that stuff, just fear. Like, and I got lazy. I'd rather go to this club or this club or this club and you're sitting in the back. And you ask yourself, what the fuck am I doing here?

I could be at the comedy store. And I'm sitting here with a fucking bring a show or this shit. And that's where I ventured out. and I didn't like the results. So for me to be the animal that I need to be, I need to be in the original room once or twice a week as a tune-up. And then the main room, like, once or twice a week. Like this week, I did five spots.

That's my weekly goal if I don't go on the run. Right, right. So I pop two Tuesday, two Thursday, and maybe one, Saturday. Can I ask you when you shot your Netflix one because I know you had said to me that you weren't that happy with it right after you shot it? What were the what were the three top holes that you because when you were telling me that I couldn't even believe it because I just know you as a performer. What did you feel like were the holes? The holes were hole number one I stuck I depended too much on the material. You know, you know,

depend on your material you material depends on you that was the first fucking whole of my game you never depend on your material you the material depends on you and then if you see an opening you attack it I was playing my game too safe I'm an attacker I have to attack I have to agitate and then go in for the kill if not I'm not gonna rally you I forgot all those skills and those are the skills you pick up at the fucking comedy store when you follow Paul Mooney at 12 45. I always tell comics, the biggest gift is when you show up and you have to abandon your material.

You just wrote eight minutes on the most brilliant documentary you see, but the guy in front of you is doing that same documentary. Right. And you got to, there's nothing like bailing on your material and finding the strength that you have. Sometimes you don't have to believe in our material that much. We have super fucking strengths that we forget to use and I forget to use them. But the original room is such a different animal. Like, I've been doing a lot of late night spots. When you go up, how many people in the room?

It all varies. It can be like 20 or it can be, you know, 40. It's mostly, they're scattered. It's mostly groups of guys. It's mostly groups of guys. It's completely different than everybody's sitting together. Yes, yes. So that's a different type of attack.

Yeah. That's a different type of attack because you've got to attack at the 2 o'clock, at 12 o'clock. and at 10 o'clock. So you've got to keep attacking and taking little steps. And then sometimes you have to actually go from 2 o'clock to 10 o'clock. It's a tremendous body movement because they're all over the place. And some of those people have been there since the beginning.

And then you know they've heard every variation of every, you know, person ever. But then, and it goes in and out. Like I was there for Halloween and I felt like I lived three different. lifetimes waiting for my spot like I had three nights and one at the comedy store on Halloween and I went up at like 115 you know and but it's the you can you're with the original room you can never plan what you're going to do you can never plan what you're going to do that's what I like about the original room yeah yeah if I ever get any other type of special again six weeks prior I'm just doing four nights at midnight right right

Well, four nights put me up at midnight. What if you really like Joey Diaz, you're going to hang out, which you're not going to hang out until midnight, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Have you watched your whole special? No. No? No. Have you watched any of it?

A couple minutes. Yeah. It's really good, Joey. And I'm too embarrassed. No. So I just turn it out. Because I don't want to watch it because not yet. I'm not ready for it yet.

I'll be ready for it eventually. I'm not watching. I'm not ready. ready for it yet let the toll you know do you think you were projecting a lot of negativity on it because you were in a vulnerable space when you shot it because i recently did a gig at the writers guild and uh like bill burr was on it i iida rodriguez was on like all these comics were on it and i was so nervous because it was in front of all the writers at the writers guild and i was second one on i had to follow uh yang uh what's that gentleman's name um um

and crazy rich Asians. Oh, Yang. Anyway, sorry, I can't remember his name. But I was so nervous, and I went up and I did my thing, but I was a little bit too precious, but I did solid. But it's when you're, it's when you are so afraid to play a little bit, you know what me? Because you're just like, I just, I don't want to fuck this up because, you know what I mean?

Because everybody's here and, you know, and you get so precious with it that I was totally beating myself up as I got off the stage, but in reality, it had a good set. Do you think you were projecting a lot because you were being too protective of staying in order of your material and trying to be too organized with it? I did comedy for fucking, I don't know, 15 years before anybody noticed. And then, from time to time, I pick up a little fucking gift. but this was different. This jump was different.

This now depends. I have a wife and a child that needs to eat so that Richard Pryor, Lenny, Bruce aspect of my comedy that I really enjoyed. What's going on, ladies? I'm good?

I thought what? You what? Is it working? Is it taping? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. So what that whole Lenny Bruce Richard Pryor thing left from my mind and that Kennison thing and that dice thing

because now I have audiences that pay for babysitters, they pay the park, they pay for a ticket, they pay for two drinks and they come see me. I do not want to take a chance and for that chance to go down a foxhole and it doesn't work. So I started playing my cards too tough. Guess where I was doing that at all at all? So at the comedy store, because I know that people come from overseas and they go to the comedy store and they check in and they want to see different comedy every Tuesday night.

So I'll let my mind take over. That's where the anxiety attacks are coming from. They were coming from within because I was starting to get sick by the time I passed the general store on the way down Lower Canyon. I'm already getting sick. No, I know. One time we're driving and you were getting very nauseous and dizzy and, um, as we're going to the comedy store. Because I was going out of my comfort zone

that I didn't want to go out of anymore. I can't be that guy no more, that crazy guy in the original room. But that crazy guy in the original was the one that said things that, you know, we all got off stage and said, what the fuck just happened? Like that was not scripted.

Like, this is what happens when you have to follow Paul Mooney and there's 16 people in that and you better fuck fucking grab them you don't have time to fuck around if not you're gonna bomb it's gonna be a long night and you're just gonna go up there and learn to bomb every night in front of 16 people you're gonna learn how to bomb so the only one way to overcome 16 to 20 people is by kicking up the energy a notch kicking up the energy and that makes your heartbeat a little bit takes you at different places

make sure work a little bit more racist maybe say you know oh yeah you know I go off and it's not see it's not racist to me but it's racist now like now you can't say it right right if I said chick or chink a hindu now they just still freeze you know what I'm like last night I called the guy

that took the kid down to the cave of chink and the audience kind of froze and they came back you know what I'm saying like they came back like I'm trying shit but I don't give a fuck what are you going to do leave there and write a blog about me saying something that ship's out

Yeah. Let me ask you this. What's the purpose of that to say that? The purpose is that's who you are. I'm on a street corner on 78th Street and Kennedy Boulevard. And we're fucking four or five guys in a chick and we're talking shit about last night. And the way to describe that guy is by saying the fucking Hindu. We went over and got three little lottery tickets from the Hindu.

And, you know, it was a different world. It wasn't a world of racism and that everybody took everything so fucking literal. You know, I was telling the story. I had an Arab print 50 years ago. First of all, he used to take stolen cars to Jolie Arab up in fucking Niagara, New York. That's the first guy I knew that was Arabian. That's an Arab's cool. Whenever you just won a two of them, everybody loved an Arab, right?

You hugged them. You didn't give a fuck if they smelled like hummus. You hugged them. You knew an Arab. You didn't give a fuck. Now they're everywhere, so they're not that special no more. You know what I'm saying? They're just not that special.

They're everywhere. But back in the day. Back in the day, that don't mean you're racist. Listen, my best friend for three years was a guy named Mohammed Zabib. We started out, he was my tutor at the University of Colorado for economics. And we ended up becoming best, best friends. And he wore the sandals, he had the guard bomb, the whole fucking thing. I had never against him.

I loved him to death. He, I gave a pastor for Edelma. It's who he is. Was this after you got out of? Yeah, okay. This is after. I didn't have nothing again. I always taught people,

one of my best, best friends in the world. I'll never forget him with Mohammed Zabee. I used to remember coming to my house. I still remember I'm coming to comedy shows in the beginning. Oh, really?

In the very beginning and being impressed, like, coming, because he was like a lady's man out of him. A lady's man. He was getting his dick sucked by a little white chick. He was married back in Indulville

with his mom. He said, and he's like, I'm not coming back. I'm getting my dick sucked. All these bitches think I'm a yoga. teacher this fucking dick like it's fucking a yum yom yom stick yeah because he taught like yoga part

time but he was just banged white chicks right i knew more about yoga than he did i'm not mad at him yeah he would just show up with sandals and drop some hindoo poetry on him he would lift the accent up a little bit the arabian accent and white bitches were crazy over this i'm sure i'm sure in colorado i'm sure yeah mohammed zabeeb nice guy so yeah it's not the same racist things is that you're talking from the heart and you're saying different. I don't believe in saying, I don't believe in winning the war to lose the battle.

I'm not one of those guys. In comedy, those assholes, yeah, they're funny on a Monday night, but when it comes time to get a paycheck, you're not going to get a paycheck. If you win the war to lose the battle. Right. That's it.

You said something cool. Oh, my God. You're so valiant. Look at the people. What did you do? You just fucked them up. You're going to have you with an abortion joke. You're going to kick the fetus of an aborted baby.

Wow, that's impressive. You know what I'm saying? All those things. I don't want to hear that stupidity. Fair enough, Joey Diaz, fair enough. You know how we do it. It's a fucking Monday morning. We can't be dropping of bullshit here.

I just wanted you to know that I thought that, and I'm going to just bring it back because whatever. But I thought that that's what I liked about your special is I thought it was challenging. I thought it was hilarious. And I thought at the end, Joey, I fucking teared up because I thought you really showed who you were in an honest way. And it was funny and it was heartwarming and it was challenging all in one. It was really fantastic.

Can you imagine living your life right now when you first got married to the GI? And if you would have had kids with him and if you would have yearned to be a Canadian, where your heart would have been right now. Right now you would have been 100 pounds heavier. You would have been wearing sandals. you would have had diabetes too. You'd have been living off a pocket with Crohn's and God knows what else. Right.

Maluki you have in you. Because you didn't do what you wanted to do. Oh, every time, because when you were saying earlier at dinner about when you would get dizzy driving over the hill to go to the comedy store. And I was saying, because I do have Crohn's disease. And I was saying, yeah, every time I get sick, it's when I'm doing something that I'm not listening to myself and I'm just bullshit. You know what I mean? Like I'm participating in something that my body is literally like, and no.

And I think everybody has that part. For some people, it's a bad back. You know what I mean? For some people, it's, you know what I mean? I felt that when I shot the CISO special, it was good, but I didn't let loose. I held back because I didn't want to give them what they wanted from me.

But guess what? Led Zeppelin never goes up there and plays the Rolling Stones. Right, right. The pretenders never go up there and play Pat Benetton's. The pretenders always the pretenders and the Rolling Stones. I'm not comparing myself to that. I'm just making a metaphor that I love doing comedy,

and I love Red Fox, and I love Richard Pry, and I love the style of comedy. I do it, it's who I am. There's nobody that could talk about eating pussy and fingers up your asshole. You want me to tell you something? A woman told me in Philadelphia, she goes, when you talk about that stuff, it's kind of dirty,

but it's kind of erotic it turns you on in a way you know what I'm saying one woman out of all of them that have seen it so far at least I got one good review you know what I'm totally teasing but no no no I like that type of language

I want to fucking be dirty I want to talk about the shit that bothers me to go up there well that's who you are yeah exactly who gives a fuck what they think and that's what that's it like once I took all that safety in that way like you know what man my family will eat i've been doing this for 27 years

they're not going to stop eating right right it's i'd rather be who i am on stage than be who you want me to be and feed my family i'd rather be who the fuck i am take a lower paycheck and feed my family right then fucking play your fucking songs and do fucking romps and whatever the fuck it is that you like right you know and if you walk out you walk up but there's no reason why you because there's YouTube. There's YouTube. You can YouTube any comic now before you buy a ticket.

You don't have to listen to your friends and be a sheep. And say, okay, I'll go with you. Hold on one second. Let me go on YouTube. This motherfucker's in my cup of tea. He's up there talking about a kidnapping a dude. How can I go watch somebody who kidnaps?

So that's the edge we get now. Everybody who pays for a ticket is in. Yeah, yeah. So my main concern was letting him down. Right. I don't want to let people down. Yeah. You're not going to comedy show.

No. So you have to work on it. You have to really give them what they want. Right. You know what, man? People just want a real experience, Joey, and that's what you're offering. That's what you offer is a real experience. I wish I was, who used to date Amy Schumer?

Good looking guy. Oh, yeah. Very good writer. Anthony. Anthony Jessel. I wish I could write like Anthony. I wish I could write like the guy that created Chappelle with Dave. And I wish I could write like John Mullaney, but the fact is I can't, that's just the way it is.

If I did write like that, I went up on stage and did what they did, I would just be, I would just be, it's a slow suicide. It's really good, but you are a good writer for your own way, and that's that, you have your own thing, and that's the most important thing. Everyone can learn the trick on how to write a joke. You can take a class like I did. You can learn that trick, but you have to be yourself. I want to write a joke. Tell them my statement. Knock them off balance a little bit. And then explain to them from a vine in my life why I made that statement.

And by the way, and that's what you did in the special because you said all that stuff. And then at the end, you spoke about your mother. But the way it happened, and I'm not kissing your ass because I don't give a fuck. No, you're fine. But the way when you did that is you explained to people, this is by just doing that story, this is who I am, this is my experience. You know what I mean? You give yourself permission to talk that way because it's real, you know what I mean? And it's accessible to people.

You're more accessible to a certain crowd of people than Malaney is. I never watch a comedy special. I watched yours. I'll watch my friends here and there, but to go through one when you're just flipping channels. but I did land on Mullaney's and I was like fucking just blown away. Blown away. Blown away. But that's his different kind of skill. That's his thing.

Your thing is just as valuable. It's just different. You know what I mean? Thank God. If we were all like him, everyone would fucking comedy wouldn't sell any tickets. Are you adjusting how you do your sets at all? Because even leading up to that, you would do some of the same bits, but your set is different every time you do it. You don't really stick to too much of a set list.

No, especially at the comedy store. The comedy store, she wanted from the beginning for it to be a creative place. Can you do me favor? I open up the door a little bit, Chris. I'm sorry to bother it. She wanted that place to be a workout room. Somewhere, had a few conversations with people, and again, this is the problem, that you let different things get into your mind, and it affects you different ways.

I got to different conversations with people, and they would say to me, Oh, the comedy store is phenomenal, but I have no place to go work out anymore. Why not? Because I've got to follow Ron White. And I can't try five minutes of new material when I'm following Ron White, Chris DeLea, Joe Rogan, what's the, Amy Wong, Allie Wong. I can't try new material because I'm going to look that bad. And then I figured out, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, back to Mitsy Shore one-on-one.

Back to the book. The original room and the belly room were creative resource rooms. The main room was where you were polished and where she put you up on the weekend. But the purpose of the original room was for everybody to be more creative, to let yourself go,

to pull the darkness out of you. When you get really, the people who leave the store, if you talk to people who left the store, nah, I didn't like that place, whatever. Right. It's because it does something to you. It goes deeper into your soul and makes you draw out of your soul. And there's people that can't handle that.

That's why they're going to improv. I'm not going to improv. Right. But the improv is a different type of comic. Over the years, I learned the more I put my soul into my set, the more I didn't really matter what I said. As long as they knew where my heart stood, as long as they knew the compass to where my heart stood,

I could say all those racial slurs and talk about eating pussy. because they know where your heart is. And that's the most important thing to get out. That takes years. Oh, yeah. That takes a long time. That takes decades. Yeah, that takes a long time.

Yeah. It takes some times it to take, because you become a comedian one day and then I invite you to do a storytelling show and you eat a bag of the first three times because it's a different animal. Right. But once you get the storytelling really strong,

now you have this whole thing now. Now your comedy, bit has a beginning, a middle, and an ending. In fact, you could even write what is the message of this joke? And the joke will start flowing out more a lot. And it'll come with a story or how you were carrying

luck, whatever the fuck it is. That's the hardest part is learning your story and when you're doing comedy is being able to have a great story and deliver jokes. I think that's the hardest part is the story sometimes. That's the last piece that you learn. It's so weird.

I went for the low. I was on anybody. bravo once and he was telling me when he was before he started getting really good he would go for ankle locks and that's like easy pickings right in Brazil when you go for ankle locks they throw shoes at you on the mat because it means that you're going for a low hanging tree you know and my first 18 months of comedy i got to be honest with you it was basically one line that was written and the next eight minutes were improvised and I had to be in front of the same audience every Tuesday Felicia and they were all the same type of much they would only come in on Tuesday nights because it was a 15 night dollar steak plus they got a comedy ticket the stakes were usually like 25 bucks this was the broker in Boulder in Denver oh really they had four of

them romantic place great concept till this day I give them I send them my love and I send them a big shout out for them helping me in my career in the beginning especially the one in Boulder. I forget who the managers were and the waitresses. I know some of their names, but that was my developmental spot for a year and a half.

I went there every Tuesday. I would stay up every Monday night. Sometimes I'd do blow. Some nights I'd stay up on pure open miceness, you know, and I would write the jokes for Tuesday out at Boulder's paper. I would take the Bolder's daily camera

for the whole week. And I would take the front page, or write jokes, topical jokes. Because this is pre-internet. This is pre-in-I remember you having, like getting a USA Today, and they used to have this one section where it would be all the little dumbass stories from each state in the USA today. And so I would go to that because it would have some, like, Florida man story, like back in the day.

But they would do from each state, like a little blur of weird crime. Yes, yes, yes. That's what I used to use to write jokes. Yes, yes. So for my first 18 months in comedy, just used material from the paper to write jokes because they were all bolder locals so it wasn't like I didn't have to be fucking Johnny Genius I would just write local material and then go up there and riff and learn how to improvise and I got really good at that yeah you're that's your

special thing I went to New York and find out that everybody in improvise in New York oh yeah seven out of ten people got on stage and how are you guys doing tonight so what do you do for a living You're a construction guy. You like building and they just run from there. No, for sure, because I remember I was a regular at the comedy store till about, I think I moved to New York in like 94. And I was all like, hi, my name is Felicia, blah, blah, blah, and I go to New York, right? And I go into the club, I think it was the comic strip.

And then I was like, hey, and they were like, what the fuck is this? And then I was all like, wow, this isn't going to work here. So then it was like, hey, everybody has something. And then I had to that. And for me, even though I had the privilege of me and at the, the comedy store for such like eight or nine years at the beginning to me going to new york is is when it switched for me because the comedy store was like my home club it's a club i started and really and so to go to new york it broke all my bad habits that i had learned at the comedy

store it was tremendous tremendous what bad habits did you have from the comedy start well um just uh not not because i came at the comedy store and i was so young i was so young i was was like little Felicia at the comedy store like everyone's little pet that they would you know rub the top of my head and you know what I mean and I didn't even though it's really filthy I didn't uh I didn't stretch who I was I wasn't curious about anything and moving to New York made me have to kind of face the person I really want to be you know what I mean I know that sounds crazy but at that time I had done Playboy so I was just uh like shedding like layers of me because it was like, you know,

I don't wanna wear high heels and suck my gut in and wear a push-up broad to tell fucking jokes anymore, you know. So I did Playboy, let make that go away, you know what I mean? And it was like just peeling layers like an onion, you know? After you could Playboy, did you change your attire on stage now? I went through like probably like a year of around Playboy where I dressed up a little bit more because I would did the Playboy and they kind of sent me around if you, a little bit then.

but but then when I moved to New York that's when it really changed it really changed you know and it was also a whole new bench of comics you know at that time like a tell and all those you know Geraldo all those people you know and so it was just a nice

you know because you can get stuck in a club it's like you being at the comedy store and deciding to leave right when the whole Rogan thing happened you just get to where you know you got to move out of the house you know what I mean It's like you're 19 living at home. You got to move out of the house for a little while.

You know what I mean? You know, I think the special came out Monday night at midnight. And I did Rogan that afternoon. I was kind of numb about it. I didn't know what the response would be or whatever. I didn't really care. I just wanted Monday to be over with. Uh-huh.

And I got up Tuesday morning and I opened up the computer and I had 12 messages on the fucking, uh, on Facebook and they probably had like 11 on Twitter and the whole Twitter page was covered and I mean I got up and I got some coffee you know I shook it off a little bit I got some coffee and then after I drink my coffee I wait like 10 minutes so I do my first bong hit I take a nice little shit and that's everything normalizes as I'm smoking I take the shit everything normalizes I wash my hands and sometimes I get no Sometimes I get a little pot of coffee and I make another cup of coffee.

I drink half of it. It's 7.15 in the morning and I went back to Facebook and there was a message on there when girl I had grown up with. They were really tight growing up with. Her boyfriend was a Marine. And one time me and her robbed a local pool place and I threw her over the fence because I couldn't jump fences. So I remember pushing her over the fence and the whole thing.

She was a dynamite chick. And she hit me out. And she was like, you know, to open up Netflix and to see you and make this a world to me, your mother must be really happy and proud of you or whatever. And I turned it off and I did what I was doing. And I walked into the kitchen. And what came to me was leaving Boulder. leaving Boulder

either June 1st or July 1st of 95 leaving my daughter Jacqueline leaving a bad relationship this addiction this rocky apartment that I had I kept it I paid rent for three months because I figured I was just going to go to Seattle for a month and come back but I knew in my heart that if I went and left

that I had to go for it Like I had to go for it. I couldn't come back to Boulder beat up 20 years later and say I went I gave it a try But it didn't work out at that moment it hit me what Netflix was and I walked into my kitchen and right by the refrigerator I had a mini heart attack I just flipped over and put my hands on the counter and just it was like 22 years of tears It was the final load off my shoulder of pain like it was it Terry came in and asked what was going on. I said I was thinking about something.

And then later on after school, I told her the truth. I said, I had a little mini-yard attack because I can't believe that I made that decision when I was driving on to Longmont. I had to catch the 70th through Longmont or whatever. And I remember going, if I do this, I have to do something with my life. I just can't leave Boulder.

I'm leaving a great little Rocky apartment. I have a job that I could probably make success. 60, 70 grand a year. I work half the year. I deliver Chinese for, like, cocaine, cheap. I get weed cheap. I had everything I wanted to. But I got it in my comfort zone.

It was so weird how this all goes back to going out of your comfort zone. To become a good comic, and that's what was killing me at the store, that anxiety. Now, I do 90 down Laurel Canyon to get to the time of the store. The fucking ass sickness, that little fucking sickness,

I was getting, has disappeared. Good, because that was fucking annoying. Yeah, it was fucking annoying. But now, to you, you know, this guy tells you to go to fuck away. I remember talking to you the next day or two days later. It was the best thing he could have ever done, Joey, in hindsight. Well, no, that. Things like that are usually the best thing.

For him to say, at the time, you want to spit their face. Yeah, you do, but it made me laugh too because it was like, look at this motherfucker. But then it was the best thing that he could have ever done because the truth of the matter is, I should have go away and relearn my craft. And, you know, I was a different person, too, than when I was in my 20s, you know. So I couldn't even do the material that I had done in my 20s. So I had to relearn how to do everything. And it was the perfect, he said the perfect thing to me, that motherfucker.

But he said the perfect thing to me. And then you started hanging out of the story. I started singing down there. You started a podcast called Liars Club with Jessica Wellington. You started lurking down there. You were going down there on Mondays and doing friends and family. and all that shit. And then one day you started calling for spots.

I just, you know, do you know Alex? Oh, God. He was in, uh, he, uh, he's a curly redheaded guy. Uh, I'm sorry, I can't remember his last name. But, uh, he's a regular, but he was hanging down there and I was like, you know, sometimes I do the belly room for Tammy Joe. And he's like, well, your name's on the wall, don't you call in for spots? And I was like, yeah, it doesn't work that way.

I was they told me. I was too old. And he's like, who told you? I'm like, well, Tommy. And he's like, fuck that. That's different people. No, just call in. Just fucking, don't be an asshole.

Just call in. Alex Hooper is his name. He's a really great guy. And so I just started calling in and I didn't get anything and then I'd get a little discouraged. And Jessica's like, no, just fucking call in. But it was more about just hanging around and we started our podcast. We'd sneak up into the belly room during the day. And so we did about 15 weeks of sneaking around.

And then they're like, you guys can come down now to the podcast bay or whatever. And so it's been a really fun little. thing to do and she's the first person that I've done a podcast since you where I'm like this totally fits you know it natural you yeah it's natural yeah she's a sweet girl she's she's awesome yeah Carmen Morales is fucking making moves yeah yeah she's making moves yeah they both are yeah they both are and Jessica was the first uh girl door guy at the comedy store ever and and and uh not for nothing jessico fuck you up like I wouldn't raise my hand no no no Jessica's got a right cross.

I was saying you to fucking Jupiter. You'll wake up in a hospital in Long Beach because you got no insurance. I know, I know, I know. I was surprised and she's like, you want to do a podcast? I was like, you're talking to me? I was like, okay.

You know, it's so crazy in like 2009 before I married Terry. I went for a Santa Maria Reed. You know, and he was talking to me and he goes, you know, you're coming to an age where you have to be like a leader. and what you do and I didn't know what the fuck

either. What am I part of a gang? You know? And it hit me one day that I'm an older guy and the support of the young guys especially at the store

or any comic has to be overwhelming when I see the young guys doing their thing like last night I saw the girl that just got married to go up after me

one of the dog girls she married one of the dog guys real pretty girl he's a real handsome guy they're both like the best looking couple in America. Oh, she bartend to sometimes? I think so. Yeah, she's really beautiful. Yeah, she's a knockout. And then, you know, she gave me a big hug. It's weird to see like Hayes, Heyus Trejo,

uh, the little Indian kid would take, I'm taking him to Brayette, open up for me as a door guy at the store. You know, there's a system. Right. There's a system. People think that there's a system. You know, I see these guys at the store fighting in and out every night for what I'm going to know what the fuck they pay him if they're comics from time to time i got an opening i take them on the road why not give them a shot at what it's like i can't take them every week but just to show them you know the same way jimmy schuber took me that time to jacksonville the same way right that guy took me that time when i needed it you know for three days even though i knocked the socks off he never called me again but at least he brought me you know right it's a continuing funnel and that karma you know i took lee to boston

And, you know, Lee wasn't ready for a will but either, but I didn't give a fuck. I threw him out there to the wolves and he handled it. Now it's on. How was that? How was that? That was great. It was awesome. And then Mondays at the fourth wall for 18 people looking at him like he committed a felony.

Nine. Nine people. You committed a felony. You know, that's what this fucking journey is all about. I'm happy when I saw you, Nate, last Tuesday or two Tuesdays ago, I had to do that. That's the night that Jimmy and Harry got into the fist, right the living room and Harry's nail got stuck in Demi's ear so I couldn't go down into the store that was one of the greatest lineups I know it was ever yeah and you were on it I couldn't believe

of you yeah I was like this is the sickest lineup it was a great lineup yeah and I was the last one on the line up yeah Ron White yeah yeah Bobby yeah Ali I think David Spade It's crazy. It was just crazy. And you were on at one. Yeah. Now, when you're on at one, what time does that mean you go up? It can vary.

It can vary. Like, sometimes it's one, sometimes it's 130. But, you know, so what? I'm not complaining. I'm happy to be there. Do you do your time or do they just let you run? If there's people there, they, I think they, you know. I've seen motherfucking comics Lee wait all day to go up at 156.

Oh, I know. That's like. Lee, all day. Yes. 156. Yes. Really, Joey? Yeah, go on.

Come on to the stage. Lee Syatt, you run up there at 156 in the morning. Yeah. And there's nine people. And there you are thinking you're at the fucking garden in front of 18,000 people. And there's three guys wanting to go on after you. But they know that at 2 o'clock, they can't get liquor. Yeah.

So they just sit there. So sometimes the management goes now. But if there's 60 people in there and you're rocking and rolling, they'll keep it open. Don't keep it open. But that's a great feeling. Yeah. When somebody says, you want to do five? close it out and you're like fucking yeah and you go up there for eight people so one 30s when you go

up sometimes sometimes yeah you know it's been uh what uh because i was listening when you were talking all about having nerves and getting dizzy coming over the hill and uh and the nervousness you felt after you did your netflix thing because i it obviously on a tiny level but being back at the store and doing those one o'clock one 30 spots you know i feel like i'm not letting loose enough like how you were saying about letting loose and being yourself, you were too confined in your own material. And I feel like maybe I need to do it a couple times to get the feel of the room again. Do you ever feel like that if you're away from the original room on the road or whatever when you come back? Does it take a while to find the rhythm of the room again?

Yes and no. Tuesday night, Lee was down. I had a rough night, Tuesday night in the original room. I had a men's-mort night. last night and Tuesday that I did really well the original room has a rhythm

and the rhythm is you gotta be a fucking animal that's the only way I survive in the original room now I know exactly the buttons I have to press how high my voice has to be how there's just so many little things but if I work on all

those little things in the original room I know that when I go on the road I'll keep that pace up that's why I like that pace I'll keep that pace up I'll take chances if it doesn't work I got the coverage for you bitch

right don't worry about it but I'm gonna take this fucking little time off of myself last night in the main room I spoke about something that I never spoke about before in the main room for the 400 people I didn't give a fuck in the main room right

so it's wherever I want to take the conversation now there's no more set list There's a set list, but there really isn't. Right. There's a set list, but there isn't. It's an invisible line, and I think I work better under those lines, you know. So it works for me. I see what it does when I'm on the road,

and I'm really happy. I'm really happy that I'm seeing the teachings of Mitsy Shaw. Everybody took something from that place. and I don't know a lot of people listen to the podcast and say, when are you guys going to shut up with this shit? Because this is our bloodline and you guys are in the workforce and you guys have the same guidelines and stuff. It's just in different terms.

We're all doing the same shit just trying to be better people, you know? Exactly, exactly. That's it. So how many times a week are you putting out the podcast? Well, we're doing it once a week now, but we're starting to tape twice a week. So, and we're starting to do a live show with it. So.

You do it at the ice house. We've been doing that at the ice house. We're hoping to do it at the Comedy Store too. So we have some of our comedy friends come on and we ask him to tell two stories. One is the truth and one is a lie. Lee's done it. And then we try to figure out which one is a lie. And some of the stories are so fucking hilariously stupid.

Some people. But it's been a lot of fun. And then we're going to Portland. We're going to go to Portland the weekend after Thanksgiving. November 29th of December 1st. That'll be good. I'm happy you made time for me. I'm happy that you're making things happen.

I'm happy that you're part of the comedy sisterhood. I know. That we have. Tell me what's the best feeling as a comic is driving into the parking lot at the comedy store at 9 o'clock at night, right? And pulling into the back. Right. And you know what? It's really weird that we still have the blessing to do it 20 years later.

I know. I feel very fortunate. Every time I go down. Like I said, it's so weird. how your contrast and looking at things changes the outlook. If you look at something like it's going to suck, it's going to suck. But if you really look at some perspective of when I think about the comedy store now, especially the weeks I don't go on the road, I have a wife and I have a kid,

and they're great. And I love them to death. But you know what? I got to get the fuck out of there. Do you know what I'm saying? And my wife wants me to fuck out of there. There's nights I could tell my wife wants to watch whatever fucking TV with English accents. She don't want me around.

You know, her fucking limie TV. She don't want me around. She don't want me around. Yeah. I go in there and they're drinking tea. I don't know what the fuck they're saying. So I can tell what she wants me out of the fucking house. Limey TV.

You savage English. No, I fucking love you, motherfuckers. Anyway, if you're in the neighborhood and you want to check out Felicia's at the store now, averaging three spots a week like a motherfucker. If everyone stays out of town.

Yeah, and if not, I'll see, you guys will see her with me up in Portland. I think it's November 28 to December 1st, some shit like that. Go to helium.com and check out tickets right now, all right? All right, don't forget, I'm at Gotham's this weekend, but it's sold out. I'm also November 21st. I think I'm at the improv in Irvine, and there's a few tickets left for that too. Thank you guys for fucking always having my back. Thank you for watching the special.

But before we end this, I got to talk about a few. things, all right? Listen, a lot of things happen with your asshole. When you wipe it, yeah, you wipe it, but you leave a lot of residue and that residue develops and pretty soon you're walking around with a cane. You don't need that aggravation. That's what Tushy.com comes in. It's a portable bidet. You install yourself. It takes less than 10 minutes and you wash your fucking asshole with nice water fresh a la fucking fresco. You understand me? You don't want them to cut down trees? This is the way to start by getting a portable bidet. All right? They start as low as $89.

Can you imagine showing up in a girl's house? You want to get your pipe sucked and your asshole smiles. You don't need that agoration. And listen, all right. I believe in showers. Sometimes you don't have time to take a shower. You always have time to take a Puerto Rican shower. That's when you put the badean, you dip your dick in there,

your ball sack, and you do your muffler, you wipe it down with a fucking skin. And at least that area is fucking clean in case you bump into a victim. That's what Tushy does for you, all right? They still, why fucking have a fucking? fucking muffler if it's not going to be clean. Do yourself a favor. Go to tushy.com right now and log in and log in the word muffler, M-F-M-M-U-F-F-L-E-R, and get 10%

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But you guys have been fucking family to the end. I'll see you guys Thursday morning, ready to rock. I'll see you motherfuckers in New York Thursday night. Ready to motherfuckin'clock. Have a great Monday. Have a great week. Stay black. Don't let nobody fuck with you, all right?

Tom Uncle Joey sent you. Kick that fucking Mulee. I want to be around to pick up the pieces. When somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart As I A somebody who will swear to be true As you used to do with me

Who leave you to learn that misery loves company Wait and see I want to be around To see how he does it When he breaks your heart two bits Let's see if the puzzle fits So fine

And that's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet as I sit there applauding from a front row seat when somebody breaks your heart like you