The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #644 - Rick Ramos and Joey's list of the 10 movies you should watch over the holiday break

Episode Date: December 24, 2018

Rick Ramos, a stand up comedian, actor and the host of the "Watch This with Rick Ramos" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio to talk about Joey's list of the 10 movies you should watch over the holiday break.  This podcast is brought to you by:   Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/muffler for 10% off of your portable bidet order. My Bookie - Join now and MYBookie will match your deposit with up to a 50% bonus of your first deposit up to $1,000. www.mybookie.ag. Use Promo code CHURCH to activate the offer.   Recorded live on 12/21/2018.  

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That's it, baby. It's Christmas Eve, motherfuckers, 2018. Here you go, right here. Fresh from a week off. We're back, motherfuckers. Rick Ramos from Watch This podcast, The Christ Killer, during the holidays. He shouldn't be allowed in this motherfucker,

but fucking, I love me. too much. You don't want no Jews around you over Christmas week. It's bad luck. It's like having a Chinese guy behind you at the blackjack table. You ain't going to go nowhere. You know what I'm saying? We're throwing heat here today, motherfuckers.

This is the Gap Band, taking it back. My brothers from fucking Birmingham, Alabama. Are you fucking kidding me or not. Break out the heroin. We're going deep. You're showing up the grandmas with a nod. You know what I'm saying?

and a little itchy but who gives a fuck? It's the church of what's happening now, motherfucker. Damn, we're back. Thank you. Thank you very much for fucking hanging in there with us. We had to take a week off. I was in New York after week.

Thank you very much. We're appreciating the Ralphie Mae podcast. We put it up for a reason. I put it up for various reasons. It's a funny fucking podcast. Plus it makes us remember that, you know, One minute they're here, one minute they got. Don't take nobody for granted.

But on a fucking high note, my man Rick Ramos is here from the watch this podcast, Rick Ramos. I'd feel he is one of the most talented fucking people I know when it comes to movies, directors, why they did it. The second AD, that shit. You don't want to put a fucking, thank God this guy don't snort Coke. You put a movie on with him, you're done. He'll tell you who bought the table, why. and they bought it downtown. But we're here to talk about the 10 movies you should watch over the holidays.

And I'm not talking about fucking like, you know, you're going to watch The Gunfather. These are obscure films I want to hate you in. This is shit I've been thinking about lately. I'm not, guess what? Out of the 10 I wrote down, I'm probably going to watch one of them. I got no time. I forgot the kid's got no fucking schooling next to you.

Yeah, I mean, we're buried. No, she's going to be running you wild. Your best bed is to take her to park and run her, run her, runner. You're dealing with a fucking knox. There's a rule at the house. Next week, I got to get it to the park Monday by 9. So Monday, my wife has it. I got to do something in the morning.

I'm doing a podcast. Then Christmas Day, 9 o'clock. Forget the gifts. Let's get out and run. Hit the monkey bars. She hits those monkey bars hard. She does that swing for her fucking core. She runs and she chases.

She always makes friends with the ugliest kid at the park. And next, you know, they're running together. They're chasing each other. she comes home scratching. What am I going to do with a weird smell of the neck? But what am I going to do? Sometimes I smell a hair and it smells like 10 bodies from the sweat and I fucking chase them. I tell my wife, give me a fucking shampoo her head.

It smells terrible. But you got to get them going loose. Dog, I saw it in New York last week. Our vacation was great. You know, it got a little short. But the vacation was great. We got to go to, we did two mistakes. We stayed in New Jersey.

Mm-hmm. I did it because of the ferry ride. See, it's a ferry ride for us. But for her, she's Jacques Cousteau. Yeah. The waves are hitting. She thinks it's the ocean. It's a fucking Hudson River.

You see a hand floating, you know. I was looking for, I kept telling her. Look at that arm. Where? Right. There's no arm, Daddy. I'm telling you. There's an arm there.

They threw a Puerto Rican off this fucking bridge list. At 365 days a year, 200 people got to go a year off. Yeah. George Washington Bridge. Really? I think so. Yeah, people are losing it, man.

It's a fucking tough life. They walk up to that bridge. You don't know how many times I looked over that bridge and said, fuck it. That's a beautiful jump. Worst thing that could happen is you break four ribs or something. No, I think that's the best thing that could happen if you jump off the George Washington Bridge. If you die and it's over and there's nothing else to be worried about and it's cleaning.

But then when the boy jump off the bridge and lived? Yeah, they've done it all the time. Yeah, they've done it a couple of them. break their legs, break their back, you know. It don't work out like you think it's going to work out, and then you're suffering for the rest of what little bit of life you got. I was before did it. Rambo did it.

Yep. They all jumped off cliffs, and they fucking lived. They ran, ran, ran after that. Every three and a half days, someone does it. I told you. See, three and a half days. And this was in 2015. Let's see if I can find an actual number.

Well, shit, people are miserable. People are fucked up. It's a hard world out there. You know, when you're working a job and your boss is coming down on you about every goddamn thing. being a prick about it, you know? If you're on the ferry, you might catch a body. Hell yeah.

One of those little suicides going right by. So this is why you wanted to stay in New Jersey because you like the, you like him not knowing what's going to happen? You never know. It's a fucking adventure, man. I'm telling you, all those loan orders, they always find the body in the river, don't they? Right? We caught him floating off the Hudson.

How come I can't fucking see a fucking body when I go across that ferry? Especially with my kid in the fucking thing. You would make a day. No, wouldn't. Yes, it would. You remember that forever. Yeah, of course. I still remember the dead body,

the first body I ever smelled. Really? I still remember what it smelled like from 10 feet away. And it was heavy. And these kids were used to it. They just kicked a piece of plywood off of them. You can hear the flies, like the heavy.

Oh, my God. It was like fucking, and I was scared. Of course. But I couldn't fold. Yeah. This was my introduction into a whole new fucking sector. kids I couldn't fold like you want to see that body I'm like come on and they're like come on let's go when you're a kid you remember you're terrified of everything but you're

captivated by it you got to see it I mean there's that thing that scares the shit out of you but you got to see stuff you got to you know you got to take those chances you know the fear was there but it wasn't enough to stop you from doing the shit you wanted to do I love that time I wish I had that I wish I had that fearlessness now I remember when I was walking with them that I had a fear that they were going to beat me up. Like they were just going to take me down to Riverside Drive to beat me up. It was like Riverside Drive. Riverside Drive wasn't really finished at that time.

And you just kept walking towards and there was a fence there and the body was there with clothes on. It was a man. And it had been there. I go, and that's the first day I met him. Like I was talking to Jerry Rocha and he was telling me that he remembers going to Mexico when he lived in Laredo, he would go to Mexico every other weekend with his grandpa to get a haircut.

That there would be kids out there and that you would play soccer with them then and that you'd spend the whole day in Mexico like every two weeks and they became friends with these kids. That's really rare that you go into another neighborhood and the kids we were playing and once the next year they're like they wanted to impress me.

Yeah. Like you live on 88th Street with white people and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. were like the superintendents of the building. Like, I was ashamed that we had money. Yeah. And we went down there and that smell. That smell.

Yeah. Like, it was fucking just, like, I had it. Like, it was like I had a glass of milk. Yeah. I could feel everything coming up to my throat. Mm-hmm. But I had to keep walking. They kept walking.

Well, you couldn't show it in front of them. No. Because then you... But I remember walking away from there going, Jesus fucking Christ. like Jesus Christ So back to my daughter

Across the fucking ferry That's all That's all I want It's for her to see a body Floating by and shit Why you're eating ice cream You know what I'm saying She's enjoying a cup of ice cream

And next thing your body's floating by That's it Like a missing limb Like a shark got him Like one of those fucking bass You know God knows what kind of fish developed Oh God knows

Yeah A fucking guinea pig Might fuck a snake like next to you know it's in the Hudson River yeah what's up whatever's underneath there man that's some scary shit oh my god years ago they dug up the Bronx River and what they found was just cars yeah cars yeah 2,000 stole I don't know what I'm exaggerating but it was like 214 cars in the Bronx River or something something just fascinating yeah how many cars they found how many bodies are in

that's the thing that's mafia fucking yeah the hotbed of the 50s 60s but that's everywhere I mean if you think about when they were talking about those you remember those um remember those two guys those three guys that went down to Mississippi to register voters and everything right remember they they started draining those swamps he started pulling and they would find bodies and they're like that's not them that's not them that's not them after like the fifth or six body they're like wait a minute we haven't even found the ones that we're looking for who the fuck are these guys what kind of shit is going on in that place you know

and that's that's kind of that's what's out there man you got to be aware of that kind thing and it's um it's terrifying when you think about it but it's also it's also incredibly exciting man it makes for great stories you know i was telling lee that i went over there sunday yeah to watch the radio city music rock cat's dog and i passed out i put the 3d glasses on when i saw the fucking santa claus in front of me and some reindeer and next you know they were waking me up what happened to you what was going on i just was tired i was Who the fuck knows, man? I'm 55 years old.

It's a six-hour flight. I was on the road before that three weeks in a row. You know, you're thinking, you're talking to people, you're doing podcasts. You have a family. You have a lot on your fucking plan mentally. And I guess I just sat there. But I also slept on the plane for two hours. But that's not a real sleep.

Which is rare. That's not a real sleep. I don't fall asleep on planes. So we had to leave on the way out. We had to get up at three in the morning. So three in the fucking morning You get to the airport. It was five We got to Newark at two

We drove to the hotel It was three or four thirty We sat in the hotel till six thirty And went out to dinner And then I went back to the room And obviously you can't fall back to sleep the first night You're still in California at time So I didn't fall asleep till fucking three in the fucking morning

And they're yelling and screaming You know my wife goes to about 8.30 every night So she could go to bed at 11 over there I was four and asleep at three and they were walking around at 6.30. We were ready to go. So that's what happened. You know, and a lot of running

and it's a different lifestyle. I believe it. I didn't rent a car because I don't know where I'm going. I hate renting a car even though, yeah, Joey, you're from me. You know what? That was 30 years ago. And that's what I took about that. I make a left turn.

I'm in fucking Schenectady. I don't know what the fuck I'm going. Nothing is where in. You make a left turn now, my neighbor. You're in Schenectady, bro. I don't know what the fuck I'm driving. I don't know nothing. So I'm Uber.

into debt, you know, I had every fucking nationality on Monday, name it. Armenian, a Czechoslovakian, I had every, because I caught six fucking Uber plus two cabs that day, just to move around the city to one fucking day. I was wiped out.

Going on vacate, there's people who could go on vacation. And there's people who are cut out the ground vacation. I'm one of those people who'm not cut out to around vacation. No, I get you. You know what on vacation is to me? You want to go on vacation? A vacation.

There's a beach. Something I got, I don't have to walk a lot. As long as they get Netflix and I got an outdoor patio, I get vitamin D and type, maybe a fucking chapter. Yeah. That's a vacation to me. I don't want to see nothing. But I'm with my wife.

It's not about me. It's about them. Yeah, I know. I went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, which was fascinating as fuck. I saw the Armenian, the wing, the Armenian Genocide Wing. Yeah, they, they. They have like an Armenian wing.

They had a Chinese wing, which is very interesting. That's what my daughter wanted to go there. It's a three-day pass, but you need three days to walk in there. You walk in there for three days. You lose five pounds. Yeah.

You stay away from the pretzels on the fucking hot dog. By the way, a pretzel is $6. $6 to fucking eat carbon monoxide. And have some fucking foreign to touch it with that. How much was it when you were buying it? Fucking a dollar, $0.50. everything man six dollars for a pretzel down there by the ice skating rink

how much are cigarettes my mom was saying that they're cheap here I have no idea I think like how crazy is it there you don't like smoke I know 12 for pack I know when I was shooting law and order SVU yeah which had to be 2008 yeah I shot downtown and I went into a store with a $20 bill and I got a pack of cigarettes and a shnapple and they gave me back $3 and I shit my pants

So you do the math Yeah I say the schnapple was $2.50 Maybe $250, yeah? Yeah Pax's cigarette's the fuck Because when my brother comes out He takes back 10 cartons too

He takes back 10 cartons too He takes back 10 carton Because it's a It's a lot fucking cheaper Well you gotta buy him here You gotta do that You can't pass up a deal like that I mean shit

What is it? Is it the base cost or is it all the fucking taxes Where they're trying to push people out of it Yeah well you know You watch any good movies? this year there's been shit lately it's been a really bad was it just black panther was it just black you know what i thought black panther was overrated i thought it i didn't love it um that green book movie was all right that mark

walberg movie was just like that was the mark walberg movie where they adopt where he and rose burn um adopt a uh a couple of mexican kids and it was cute but they tried to be funny and walberg isn't funny he's even in a funny movie he's the straight guy He ain't the funny one, you know? So they were going for these jokes that just weren't going to work. And if you stick to make it a drama, boom, you got a good film there, you know, but don't try to, for me, it's like when you start trying to push the laugh and you try to make them, you know, connect. It fucking doesn't work, man. Creed 2 was was better than the original, but that wasn't any good.

I mean, I've just been everything I go. I just wasn't any good. I just wasn't impressed by it, you know. Harry Poppins is getting horrible reviews. Because it's, it opened up at $4.7 million. That's it. That's it, because the New York Times gunned it down. I just saw the preview.

Isn't it sort of like kind of too modern? It looks like an action movie almost to me. I don't know. I mean, they're doing a lot for the other fucking tortured for four points. You already already made that one. They also released it on fucking Wednesday. Yeah. So they got a little cocky.

Everybody's busy with school and functions and Christmas parties. You know what? They can wait until Saturday. There's also the fact that movies are costing anywhere from $12 to $16 per going. And it's like, that's a family movie. So you got to pay for you. You got to pay for your two kids. You got to get them something to drink.

Nobody wants to do that shit anymore. It's costing too much. Do you solve movie pass? No, because movie pass tanked. It was getting to the point where nothing I wanted to go see was available to me, you know? So every once in a while. I got an AMC where you get three movies a week, and I'll do that from time to time.

But, you know, part of the great thing about movie pass was, I could go to the fucking revivals, man. I could see the classics at the Egyptian or the Beverly or the Arrow. I love this town for that, and I can't do it anymore. So it's like, plus I ain't got no fucking money for that. So it's like I've really been going back to, you know, watching old shit on Netflix and Hulu and. You know, like this coming week, I'm going to be at my mom and dad's house.

I ain't going to be doing shit. All I'm going to be doing is writing and taking my mom to the movies and watching Netflix. I'm going to watch all on Narcos. I'm going to watch whatever that new Michael Douglas Allen Arkin thing is. I'm going to watch that. I'm just going to knock out as much shit as I can do because, you know, come the new year, I got to get out there and start trying to get some production work. That's what I'm trying to do, you know.

get behind the camera do that do the extra work go out on auditions and then go back to uh doing stand-up at night i'm i'm pushing it hard this year i'm not fucking laying down the whole purpose of it now is not to not to get a regular job not to do any of that shit just pick up work wherever i can do it and and keep pushing the podcast because the podcast is gonna think you're in shape to work on a fucking set are you fucking crazy rick ramos that's how hard job production You know, a young man no more. I ain't a young man anymore. I was 24-year-olds.

It don't stop on those sets. I look at those kids. When I was doing those Disney movies, they weren't getting made. Like I was getting 100 today. Those guys weren't getting made. They committed six weeks of their lives to learn how to do meal work.

You know, they lied to them with experience. I didn't agree to it. I would have never, if that's my son or daughter, I'm like, listen, come here for a second. I don't mind you learning the value of a dollar and working like a meal, but you can't work for free. No, I'm not going to work for free.

It's a rough out there. Yeah, but what's the alternative? I'm going to go back to work on a regular job. No, no, no, no, no. But you know as well as I do that the $40 gigs aren't out there anymore, the $50 gig, the Mexican, not like I see them. Every once in a while, I got to go to Lancaster for 100. sometimes 70, I might get a $60 gig every once in a while,

but for the most part, that shit ain't out there like it once was. You remember fucking coyote Wednesday and Saturday. You were making anywhere between 40 and 60 bucks on that. Then you would pick up two on a Tuesday or a Thursday. Casa Latina was going on. You could do that. Every Latin comic had a fucking side room in those days. Exactly.

And they all paid anything from 50 to a $100 bill. And I didn't know how much money on it. You don't know what you got to, you lose it. So when the economy crashed in 2008, I got straight off Coke, but I was still broke. And I couldn't figure out why. Because all those little rooms had disappeared.

Yeah. I could, you know, before you moved to Los Angeles, people always tell you you can't make money. And I'm going to tell you something. That's a lie. Because I made a living. since day one i did that one room for rudy for free the first time and then i was in with rudy in the brave bull yeah and that was 40 dollars two shows on the weekend that's 80 then he had

the commerce casino that paid a hundred so we had all these alternatives i was addicted to cocaine so all those hundreds i didn't see how much they valued the house because i wasn't taking money out of the house yeah you know what i'm saying like when a check comes in for a movie or i would work with Rogan I have to get my own work that's the house is money yeah those little $50 Mexican gigs with my bread and butter you could live on those dog I was pulling down a buck and a quarter of a night yeah and once I got the longest yard Jesus I was getting 150 from those guys easy easy I was getting 150 150 150 150 I would make it eight nine hundred a week in one 50s plus 15th from the store and

main rooms from the store plus you know the improv was giving you a little check from the Time to time. Plus the laugh factory was he at $25.35. At the end of the week, you're making money doing stand-up. You're not fucking driving a fucking Porsche. But if you act correctly, you can rent a room in a three-bedroom house with two other comments, smoke pot, and fucking eat. And pay rent and, you know, have a decent car.

Pay the insurance on it. You could. You have to keep your money low. every move has to be very calculated. What am I really going to get out of this move? Yeah. You know, yes, it would be nice. Oh, if I do this, Rick Ramos has a room on Tuesday,

so that I alleviate the gas price of me driving down there. There's all these plans that you have to include and all that shit, you know what I'm saying? So, but going back to the movies, I watch what's on a plane. Yeah. The only time I watch a movies are on a plane. It's so amazing how when something comes on in my house, if I try to watch it now with a baby and a wife, I miss 50% of what's going on.

So the only time I can watch something is on a plane, and my two favorite movies of the year were American-made with Tom Cruise, because I know about Tom Cruise free. Yeah, you love him? I would join Scientology for Tom Cruise, but I'd take an air beating for two hours just to hang out with Tom Cruise. You know what I'm saying? Tell me about this Scientology.

shit fill me in. I tell you something that there's something about that guy that is captivating. You really does. I don't give him, lean out of the Caprio. That's why they make 20 million a fucking film because you're going to pay to watch them and keep your eyes off. Before we get into

this movie, we're talking about this movie thing. I called Rick yesterday and I called, I called anybody who I've known the last 10 days who's a Mexican-American. And I've discussed this Narcos series with that. Primarily for two reasons.

The two reasons were how good it was written and how fucking good Diego Luna is. And primarily because, yes, I was fortunate enough to watch the French connection. And I was fortunate enough as a kid to watch fucking, you know, the Volachi papers and, you know, all those movies of the 70s

the child but through all that time i always stayed loyal to spanish television yeah and there was something about spanish actors that captivated i became a comic i went to prison whatever i became a dad i have a podcast with lee i talk to people i get lost you get lost you lose yourself but then something happened on the way to the dance i watched a movie called man on fire yeah and while it was denzil's performance i know you people board hearing this no absolutely i saw something in that movie that would made that movie special wasn't denzel and it wasn't uh no disrespect to jennifer lopez's husband mark hans it was those mexicans around him yeah those spanish actors around him including who's not a mexican-american actor giannalo gianini who was also well he's that italian

actor from a god he did some great work in the 70s and 80s but he also did that movie with the second Hannibal he played the copy now uh Hannibal animal yeah he played the copy in um animal animal yeah and i fell in love with him that his face his character how he would smoke a cigarette his mannerisms and in fucking and fucking man on fire when he walks into the hospital room and he this is my favorite hospital because it has this bakery across the street and he has a childish smirk on his face after denzil get shot and the lieutenant is making the statement who's also a brilliant actor yeah listen to his Spanish how he performs it then the Mexican white chick who's married to a big time director who played the reporter yeah is sitting there taking notes and he comes up from behind her and squeezes her ass and he says something to her and he gets a child this smile to him that's when I knew that guy was the real deal yeah then Zelle had his hands full in this movie yeah he was opposite Christopher walking but towards the end that guy on the phone with him yeah was brilliant the guy that he cut his arm off yeah

that was walking around with mongo on he was brilliant that guy got hit by a car yeah that guy got beat up by the Zelle he never tapped out yeah then Zenzel shot his arm off he showed him to his brother remember when he ran yeah he was really with that little ginkie arm and shit hysterical hysterical phenomenal actor the actors he handed himself over to phenomenal Spanish actors

and I started thinking about how and you never heard me come out with this I'm sick and fucking tired of the fucking Mexican American actors they shut down our throat anymore they're boring that little click they have in Hollywood is boring

they're fucking boring and it starts with James Olmos I'm sorry to announce it he's the king of bore me he boars me to fucking death anymore especially after I saw all these Mexican-American actors yeah that are fucking their faces are rich with culture the fucking fat chick that he breaks down no say I need you gonna go say that lady should have come the Academy Award for dealing opposite Denzel with his shotgun go watch that scene how good that fat lady is in Spanish we know we don't know That's the thing.

Me, do you say, no say, it's going to say. Everybody, the Milky, Mickey Rock was in that. Nobody remembers. The lawyer. It's an Academy Award-winning movie all the way around

that never got recognized. What about the girl? Oh, yeah, the little girl? Yeah, no, no, no, no, it's just tremendous. But I noticed the Spanish acting. Yeah. So now we, we fast forward to fucking 2016, and whatever,

and all of a sudden, Narcos comes out. Yeah. And I'm sitting there. I'm captivated. This is a man that is worse than Tony Soprano. Tony Soprano, the character, made you fall in love with him. Women love to watch him,

even though he cheated on his wife. Well, he had charisma. He had charisma. He had charisma. He had a charm. Pablo Escobar, this guy that played Pablo Escobar, he's the worst animal in the world. He cheats on his wife.

He shoots people. Blomo Plata. Me yamo. Pablo Escobargaria. And I make deals for a living. Blombo or Plata, the guy opens up the side door and he goes, and they walk up to the guy at him in the beginning. That's how he opens up the movie.

When he tells the guy what his name is and what his wife's name is and his mother just got out of the hospital. The guy is brilliant. Nobody said a fucking peep about him. Not a peep who was said about that performance. And I tell people all the time, you got a problem with knock because you watch episode 9 as La Carte Adraal. When he beats the guy out,

the stick and the guy spits in his face and the spit goes into his nose and as he's breathing the spit comes out of his fucking nose and the blood and he's got shaking and then he goes to the guy and he says goodbye and he turns his back and he's covered with blood when he goes out

and he doesn't say a word and he's looking over everybody else's party and fucking suck and snort and blow yeah he looks out to the sunset he takes a deep breath and then the camera pans out and it shows a pop plant,

taller in a man by itself, blowing in the wind. What a beautiful director's eye. It shows the camera pull back. And then him, being him, he looks to the fucking right sand side and he notices the pop plant and he doesn't get scared of it. He remembers.

His face is telling me, oh, that's right. He takes the pot plant. He pulls it to his face and he snips it really hard. And then he left it and he takes the butt off and he puts it on the top of his pocket and he walks back into the house. He didn't say a word. He didn't have to. I read what he was thinking in his mind. Right there I knew this guy's a fucking pow house.

He did two seasons. Then season three is the New York Colley Cartel. Great acting. They ate it up. but nobody has blown my socks off like Diego Luna. Diego Luna has taken it to a different life. Now, I grew up on Spanish soap operas, which I know one thing. The acting is very timed.

They had some fucking teacher over there in Cuba. I heard that was better than Stanislauski, and they shut him down. But I heard that he trained Spanish castle. And those people came up. They were the early Tlemundo actors. And they were brilliant. They're Spanish. their timing

and when I started watching Caracola Entertainment shows all their shows are shot on film to look like a movie but the birthplace is telenovelas they and that's why some people like my wife doesn't like them

my wife or my wife first of all if you're white it's very rough to watch narcos because you're reading sub-dial you can't get high you have to focus you have to focus and watch it. What do he say? Then, yeah, they fill you in. The white guy speaks in English and fills you in. But 60% of it is, so I understand that you can't watch it.

But if you have not watched Narcos Mexico, Caracol Entertainment put out Celia Cruz, which is brilliant. They also put out Hota Hota, which is brilliant. The acting again is Menza Murt, but you could see that all these guys are classically trained. Narcos, this one, the character of Rafa and the character of Miguel Jose, the leader, two of the best character performances I've ever seen in my life. And I go down with Bramal and Brando to the end. These guys knocked it out of the park. The one guy plays a conservative mom boss.

He weighs 155 pounds, but when he walks in the room, he's 280. Yeah. That's what I got from Narcos. and two, the other guy plays a psychopath, who in reality is a genius. He's such a genius that he figured out how to grow marijuana in the desert. He figured out how to take the male plant away and pollination, and he figured out how to invent the weed that's we call Sinceremia. That was his gift to society.

He invented that. He was a geologist. He dug, and he would dig. and then throw grenades in. And then he finally throws the whole box of grenades in a one grenade. And they're standing in, also the water shoots out. And that was the beginning of the end. You know, I mean, the whole series, he's nuts.

Nuts to the point of wow. You know, and they're fucking Mexican hillbillies. But this other kid, I watched him. I watched the series three times. I watched it twice when it came out. And then I retaped them for the flight. It's five hours each way, so I can watch five episodes. So I watched five on the way there and five on the way back.

And then I looked them up. And everything I knew, everything I saw was true. His mother died in a car accident when he was two. And he was raised by his father who was a set designer of a theater in Mexico City. So he grew up in a theater. He started in fucking novellas, just like I read. Just that acting, that perceiving, that person. decision that at the end he thinks back to the conversation he had with Giki

Camarena and the scene between him and that Mexican kid that's done a thousand movies yeah was brilliant his reactions his emotions when the Mexican kid says to him you fucked up man Giki Camerana says it's all you fucked up brilliant they were both brilliant but this Diego Luna guy just sensational just sensational you know you tell me why I watched three or four episodes of the Mayans yeah it lost me and guess what it was the same the same yeah the father I don't want to see that guy ever again it's the same fucking story it's the same thing and it's like it's the same faces and but it doesn't

have the balls to go as far I don't know the Mayans from what I've heard it's just they're not going to take it as far as as it needs to go. They're not going to be as as crazy with it. You know, even the guys that they get for the biker gang are a little bit more clean cut than the real guys would be.

Yeah, I watched like three or four episodes and it didn't grab me. And I thought back to what I'm telling you. Man on fire, what I saw and what I remembered. When I was a kid, I had a couple of babysitters. So my favorite babysitter was Mongito and Lachina.

La China was a Cuban. I was a Chinese woman who was dear friends with my mother and her husband was Mungito. When I was five or six at night, I would go upstairs and they would watch all those novellas. And I would stay with Mungito. But Mungito was a burglar. And he used to take those spark, you have a gap of spark plug. Yeah. You know, you have to take like a file and put them in, well, you get the thickest one of those files.

And he would make fake keys. So at night, while we'd be watching novellas, he would be like a, When you go to a fucking place to make a key, that whole thing they do at the hardware store, he would have those in his living room, and he would just be making copies, and we would eat vanilla cookies, vanilla wafer, a dip of an orange soda. And I could stay up until two in the morning while he made keys. He taught me how to make them. I'd be sanding them down a little grinder and shit hysterical.

But from hanging out with him all those years, I watched novellas. And it's amazing what your life better. Like, I love television and film. Yeah. Listen, I got off at two movies this year. Both of them had to get on a plane for 10 hours. It's dead for me. It's dead.

Like, I got those TV shows, but I knew the people. You know, I knew, I knew Greg. Thank them. I thank them for putting me in the show and let me suck a black guy's dick on camera and shit, you know. I'm very fortunate that you hear 20 years and you make friends with TV people. But I don't go out like I used to, I get pissed. I get pissed. I know I'm missing roles.

Yeah. But I get pissed. You know, what am I going to do? you think that at one point no matter what's going on that people nothing nothing and that's I'm okay with it I'm okay with it I'm too busy anyway

and half the time I feel like it's an inconvenience I gotta go to wardrobe now and do this for three days so after the time I'm happy I want to do shit that I want on no I get that I mean you get to a point where it's like I don't want to do the same shit get it's weird in the beginning it's like in the beginning of stand up you're like I don't give a shit where I got to go

I'm gonna go do it it then then it comes to a point was like fucking Riverside they got to pay me if I'm gonna drive to Riverside they got to pay me and then it's like well shit they got 40 bucks for me maybe a sandwich and that's cool after you've been doing it for a while now it's like come up with a hundred come up with a fucking bill to make this worthwhile for this drive so I can go in there do the fucking jokes and then come right back you know um but you start to lose perspective on what you once were versus what you need in those early days you'll you'll you'll bust your ass for nothing I

did because that's what you got to do I did I did all that shit yeah I did a lot of shit that I shouldn't have done that late that's learned I realized Jesus Christ they could have paid me $20 yeah they charged this at the door or they did this they did that you know they could have but you you use it as experience you use it as experience and you know what you survive it you know because there were a lot of times where They didn't pay me shit. And they were giving me free drinks. I was going to make them regret that.

I was like, just give me the $40 because I'm going to drink $60 worth of fucking alcohol. Oh, yeah. But I was fucking myself, though. You're a comic and they give you free drinks, and you get $20 worth of Coke. Yeah. And you're getting free drinks. You're as happy as a pig and shit. Yeah.

And you tip the bartender a $10 bill, so at least you show them you have a little bit of class. Yeah, exactly. Oh, my God. And you get fucked up. you close those places yeah as a comic i closed a thousand in those fucking bars but you gave the bartender at 20 you drank all night for free shots shots for your friends shots for your grandmother you're like shots brother oh one more come on one more it's fucking crazy but those those are the those are the early days that's when you were a kid

and you yeah you'd get fucked up but i wouldn't drive i wouldn't drive i would see i wouldn't drink and drive I would drink at the comedy store at the end of the night. But in between those rooms, it's tough for me. I'm one of those guys. I won't drink and dry. I've recently even stopped smoking and dry. Really? I can't see it at night.

No, I mean, you got to recognize these limitations. Once you go to the store, I smoke a little bit. If somebody's smoking in the back, I'll go back there. Somebody gives me a blunt or something. I'll smoke and pass it on. But it's really weird that, no, at night, two, three hours before I, They're gonna go out. I don't smoke no more. I just get rid of once I get home,

we know. Once I get home for the comedy store, I feel bad for my pipe. I fucking melt that thing. I get giggly. I make a fucking bologna and cheese sandwich and shit, and I'm happy as fuck. I start sending emails. I read my emails. I torture people. People who call me like at 7 o'clock, I wait till 3 that time and I text them.

Just like a fucking picture of me playing baseball or something. They go bananas. So why'd you seven this a phone morning? Why'd you call me at seven? Cocktuck, but no, I was just thinking about that. People are going to be home next week. And everybody always looks for recommendations. I'm an old school type of guy.

I don't know nothing about nothing. But I do know some good movies. I told you, what's up? Before you tell us on the list, do you have, like, emotional connections to them? These films? Because like especially during this time, like if I felt like I was, if I feel alone, I'll watch something that maybe I've seen it a bunch, but it's like it brings me back to a happier time or I really love the actor. Like you guys were saying, like, or are they like you're just like the best movies or maybe a mix?

There are moments when like you connect with certain things and movies, movies have this weird kind of power over you. If you're a movie guy, if you dig movies, there are moments when you can talk. There are moments when I'm hanging out with somebody and we can just quote something between each other. We're laughing our asses of. I don't know if you remember this, but you were doing grudge match. And I was working some shit job, one of the many. And you called me up and you said that you had met De Niro that day. And he was sitting there and I think you made him laugh or something.

He laughed. And you said it looked like midnight run when he was when he was like, you know, they're the better class of people around here. you know, probably all the Besslers to it. He did that laugh. And instantly, you and I were connected at that moment because I remember that scene and we were both like little kids just laughing because you're working with one of the greats. You're working with a hero.

I mean, regardless of whatever the movies became or whatever he's, you know, he did, he was still Travis Bickle. He was still Jake Lamont. He was still Jack Walsh. He was still that guy, you know. And movie people. have that connection. So it's like,

we're always going to be able to do that, you know? The movies that you're talking about on your list, they stick with you for a reason. Because you remember, maybe it gave you balls or something, seeing, when I saw Wesley Snipes for the first time, I think it was in Spike Lee movie,

but then I saw him in New Jack, and I was like, this is a bad motherfucker. This guy's no joke. And then you see the level of class that's in Sugar Hill. And I haven't seen Sugar Hill. in years. Well, Sugar Hill was on the list because I forgot Sugar Hill. Yeah. And I woke up the other day in New York City.

Yeah. And it was cold. We weren't going to do anything until one. She wanted to stay in play. And Sugar Hill had just started. And I turned it on and I saw, I remember how disturbing it was to me. Yeah. The Black Girl from News Radio. Candy Alexander. Candy Alexander plays the mother. And it's a scene where she makes her kids hold a belt while she shoots heroin. And then she overdoses him. Jesus. Oh, this is a heavy movie. And Wesley Snipes was fucking phenomenal.

I mean, he was phenomenal, New Jack City. But he was phenomenal in this. But opposite him was a black, young, black, African-American kid. I think his name was Leon, right? Skinny kid. I don't know what his name is. He was phenomenal. And he did an episode of Miami Vice where he plays a guy

that was killing hookers in Vietnam. But he never stopped killing hookers all around the world. And then he went to Miami, and he was killing hookers in Miami, and they had to arrest him. And even in that episode, he was fucking brilliant. I'd never seen him in a while. I saw him in maybe three things.

He was also... No, I'd like to say he was the Black Jesus in Madonna's video of... Yeah, I think his name was Leon. No, no, I don't think he... He was that guy. That was a different looking guy. But this guy that played his brother in Sugar Hill is a phenomenal fucking actor.

You ask yourself what happened to these people, though, you know? It's like, did they slip through the cracks? Was the career not what it once was? Did attitude get in the way? Did drugs get in the way? What the fuck happened to half of these people, you know? With actors, you never really know because that's a New York City movie. And in New York City, you have so many.

things going on yeah so what you have is okay so you have like Leon the Chasos and what's the guy that created Miami Vice oh my command no no but who was really gonna create oh the the Spanish actor Barbank no the guy that's fucking wrote prisons he went to fucking prison I remember that guy he did um and he wrote a fucking play with he did angel lights didn't he oh oh yeah Cuba and the teddy no Anthony Yerkovick? No.

I want you to look up he wrote a script and it became a movie and then they turned it into a play. And De Niro, Ralph Machio. I was called Cuba and his teddy bear. Cuba and his teddy bear. But

you know, Pinero? Miguel Panero. Miguel Panero, yeah. Miguel Panero. Okay, so what you have to remember is in New York City, you have these little stage companies.

Yeah. Some of them are Puerto Rican. Some of them are all Spanish. Some of them are African-American acting little things that they develop themselves. They're non-profit. They fund them themselves. They live off donations when they charge at the door selling bottles of water. They keep the lights on.

They rehearse all nights a week. They teach acting classes. They do workshops. These guys hustle at the same time they write and they fucking act. Plus, you have Broadway and you have off-Broadway. And you have off, off Broadway. Those guys in New York disappear and they come back. Let's take, for example, Lord Order.

In the middle of Law & Order, there was a fat Italian cop. And they would always tell him what to do in the room. And he would always come back and go, hey, the guns checked out. And then he would disappear. Well, he disappeared for fucking 10 years. Then he came back as Gigi and the Sopranos. He's the one that was taking a shit on Thanksgiving and died on the ball. Okay, he disappeared for 10 years.

For a while, we were being managed by the same manager. Yeah. And I asked him what he was doing. He goes, he does tons of theater. Yeah. He goes from one theater to another, to another to another. So just because you don't see those people. No, it doesn't mean they're not working.

What's that guy that you worked with on a longest yard, the pyro? He was huge. He was huge Walter Hill guy. He played while you're, David. David will have a good guy. Very decent, great actors. same thing but that's a guy that boom so out there do a play come back make a movie get paid really well to go fund the stuff that you want to do he went to karate every day

was a black belt he went to karate five days a week yeah David Kelly yeah David Patrick Kelly that's right I lost contact with him I left his agent a call like a year and a half ago he never fucking call me back so but he was he went to a couple my shows in New York we stayed friends for a while after that he sent me his music And I lost his number. We lost contact. And that happens. It's weird.

But what you, I just saw him on a TV show. And he always told me he would never do TV. But this is what happens. But this is where we're at now. This is where you're at. But it's also like TV ain't what TV was. TV is respectable now.

And in fact, you're going to find better stuff on TV, whether it's Hulu, Netflix or Amazon Prime that you can, then you're going to see on network. Network is shit. Network is shit. Network is shit. There's nothing on network right now.

The problem that you have is, there's too much entertainment. Yeah. We can't catch up with what we got. Yeah. So a lot of shit is slipping through our fingers. We tried different shows. Yeah. We tried different shows.

Not everything's going to work for everybody. No. But we get so much original programming that we're in a point right now where it's too much. Even a fat guy who stays home all day who lives on disability. one of those fat guys with a 600 pound man oh yeah they'll tell you dog there's too much there's too much you can't sit here all day i can't catch up well people ask me catch up people ask me all the time it's like are you watching that i was like i'm i going to have time for that one do you have time when do i got time for that you know and to dedicate myself to a series and it's like and sometimes

you find yourself watching something like the walking dead and i'm like this isn't even good anymore i got to get off this shit because it's not you know for that one moment of magic where It all comes together and it makes sense and it's great. And I got to sit through, I got a slog through fucking three, four episodes, you know, an hour apiece just to get to that one moment. I just watched it. I can't stand it. A terrible show on Netflix. And I gave it three episodes.

What was it? The one about the risudos in Montreal. Oh, I saw something like that. Yeah. Terrible. Just got all. Let's get to the movies here. Let's do it.

So you asked about emotion. Rounders. Rounders is a movie with Matt Damon And the chick that fucked Harvey Weinstein A little blonde That got cut out of Donnie Brasco She said Donnie Brasco with no lines She didn't suck no dick then

She came back strong For fucking rounders they gave her I remember that Fucking she was number two She was Matt Damon's girlfriend Real cute blonde Yeah Okay rounders is about a guy

That's trying to get his life together He's very intelligent Off the charts intelligent He never saw around his late. I don't think so. That's good. And there's the guy that plays, what's the really good actor that plays?

Ed Norton? No. Oh, Malkovich or Tuturo? No. The guy that plays the Jewish professor that tells him about the Yeshiva. Oh, it's Landau. Martin Landau, yeah.

He was one of the later Landau rules. He didn't want to be part of a Jashiva and his family that owned him. Mm-hmm. Fucking tremendous speech he gives him. It's about a poker player. That's it. It's just a great poker player.

What's great about it? that is that you get these stories that are real. Oh, my God. Lenny Clark was in it. Oh, yeah, Lenny. Yeah, Lenny. Malcovich was brilliant. Markovic was great. I fucked you.

Kiki, kiki, like last time, he just played a fucking tremendous Russian. So if you haven't seen Rounders, it's time to rush rounders. Rick and I were talking about Sugar Hill, just a great movie about two brothers who grew up

in Harlem and they're connected to the mob. and they sell heroin for the mom and great actors to dad is the black guy Link from Clarence Williams Ava Gota Dave Vigoda

He's the gangster Yeah Great actors in that movie If you haven't seen it Bullets Over Broadway Is one of my fucking favorite movies of all time You're gonna laugh, cry

You got Chaz Palman Terry As the gangster Who is one of the best gangsters Ever in that movie Top five Dan Weist is great in it was that over as that overanxious actress who was like no stop stop I can't I can't don't like all of them the fat guy from fucking yeah that was Sean Penn's neighbor mm-hmm

that he got him into uh that he played jelly joveitelli yeah Joe Vitelli he did jovitelli's in that I mean it is just a fucking movie that is and Joe but who's Joe Vitley's girlfriend in that it was a chick who plays Jennifer Tilly Jennifer Tilly give him the hooch give it Marla Give her the good stuff. This is a brilliant film. Yeah. If you could find it, hit me up on Twitter. It's crazy because they play.

The only time I've ever seen it. Is that Neil Simon? No, it's Woody Allen. It's Woody Allen. The only time that I've ever seen it. Before the molestation charges. Yeah. Yeah. But after Sun Yi.

Yeah. You know, so he was already doing that shit. Yeah, he was already. That's why that movie was good. That was crazy. That pre-sun-Yee pussy. He was getting that young flower, yin-yang juice. See, that's one of the great things about L.A.

He's like, you can't find that on video. What, yin-yang juice? You can find that anywhere. I got to check out Lancash and they'll give you yin-gings by the glass. You take it home and drink it. I saw that in a theater. I saw that over at the Lachma. Bullets old brother.

Yeah, they show it. They show like a, they got like a Tuesday, one o'clock matinee thing, $4. I would go over that. I would just drop my full head. I'd go in there and watch. Yeah, they do. They're doing eyes wide shut sometime this week in the shining. I think they're doing some crazy shit.

And I would go down there. And I would love it, four fucking dollars. Is it back? No. No. It's like a huge theater. That's a disappoints me. You live in a city of students.

Yeah. You're supposed to be a student when you live here. Yeah. So a movie like that when you could see it on the big screen. Why? You don't really understand things. It's always a great thing to visualize and watch. You can see how much of directing has changed.

Bullitt's all you Broadway was entertaining. Another one that I haven't seen in years that I fucking love Matthew Broderick and his Biloxi Blues, him and Christopher Walker. Walking's great in it. Christopher Walker is so good in it that the fucking skinny Jewish kid that wants to be a writer. Yeah, Epstein. With the glasses. Epstein.

Oh, my God. You forgot. You remember his name. Epstein is great with the skinny glasses, just like Lee. Yeah. Wined throughout the whole fucking movie. They can't tell if he's scared. Yeah.

It's got to be hot here. it was always something with him. No, it's in Mississippi. Remember, he wouldn't eat. He gave the letter to Christopher Walker that the food wasn't kosher. Yeah. Or some shit he couldn't eat. Christopher Walker ripped it up. Well, that was Matthew Broderick that said

it was something day, and he couldn't eat it because of religious purposes and all this shit. If you haven't seen Biloxi Blues, it's a lot of fun. I remember seeing that in the theater. I was a lot. Me too. It was great. Eighty-seven, 86. That it was brilliant. I still had the movie thing. I'm like, oh, I wanted a I'm like, uh, making a mistake.

It was like that fucking joke, Chris McGuire years ago. They wanted a date with a girl to see Bridges of Madison County. He goes, how bad could it be? It's a Clinisa movie. All of a sudden, 10 minutes, he noticed Clinton didn't have a gun.

There's something's going to be right. There ain't no payoff in this shit, you know? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's this? I thought this was a Clinisa movie. How come he doesn't have a gun? He's taken out of camera. What the fuck is this? Fuck Clint you fuck me

I want my money back like he had a whole bit about it Can't see without my Fucking glasses I'm going blind Yeah I'm in the movies I'm also in the I'm also for some

reason In the mood to watch the regular apocalypse now The original before the re-dugs Yeah Without that I've been I've been I haven't at the house on DVD

But I think it's the Redux. I'm not in the move for it. Well, if you got the original, it has both versions. Right. So you just have to find the other, you have to find the other disc. I'm not in the mood for the redux. I hope I'm not insulting anybody. I'm just not in the mood for the fucking French and

whoever else to have dinner with and all that shit. It makes me uncomfortable. Believe it a lot, I'm in the mood to watch Gotti, the 98 one. If you can find it, where are you going to find it? It's on No. It's on YouTube? Mm-hmm. For sure. Okay.

The un-editive version. is on YouTube and it's got to be on HBO Plus. Well, if it's on HBO Plus, it did really well for HBO. So I know for a fact, if you look at HBO movies, like in those days, HBO did that one and the one about AIDS with Rich. Angels, Angels in America?

No, the one before that with Richard Gere and fucking, when he played the playwright, and they told me he had to have and he donated his money. Really? I don't remember that one. I remember the one with Merrill Streep and I remember the one Pacino where he played Ray Cohn, Roy Cohen

that piece of shit, so it was like, wow. And the band played? Oh, in the band played on. Yeah, it's a brilliant film. Yeah, I got to see that again. Another movie I'm in the, another film I'm in the mood to watch is the French connection.

You know, it's just great. You know what? Hackman is such a piece of shit in that movie, isn't he? He's just such a fucking low-life scumbag, but it's like you want him doing the job. When he goes in there and he, when he goes into that black, bar and he starts calling people niggers and just like slapping people around you're like this is what they are

yeah he puts his hand under the bar yeah he takes all the drug you sure there's no drugs here nothing okay and he fucking takes all the bar and he puts him on a drink on the bar he takes all the pills yeah then he makes a drink doesn't he make somebody drink it yeah yeah he makes somebody drink hello poppice here that was such a great film I remember the excitement of the trailer. Yeah. As a child, like, because they used words. They said, filmed in New York where it happened. That was the trailer.

And the trailer was the guy running up the stairs. We shoot him in the back, right? Shouts him in the back. For some reason, I've been in the mood for the French connection for the last year. And you sit there and you go, you know what, it's going to pop up on HBO. Like, HBO's been surprising. Like, last week, I didn't feel too good. Yeah.

I just didn't feel good. I went on the, after LaHoyer, I went on the, the flu stuff, T flu. Oh, yeah, to stave it off. The shit that doctors give you. Is it the four pills or the five days? Five days? Five days?

Seven pills over five days. Yeah. Ten pills. I do that shit. Yeah. So I went on that and I just didn't feel like doing anything. And it was like God fucking showed up. 11 a.m.

Man on Fire on HBO East or something like that. I just wrote out 1030 on I watched the SPN some football scores And I watched man on fire And laid there cuddled That's a gift from God Yeah So I just sit there at nights

I'm like the odd day BORANG was on BET with commercials And I still watched it I didn't care You know what I taped the other night too That was on The other one that was fucking brilliant Harlem nights

Yeah I got I got really drunk one night and this is what I knew I was like I gotta stop I can't drink any I just can't drink anymore but I got drunk I watched Harlem nights I called a buddy in North Carolina I was all fucked up but I was laughing my ass off at Delo Reese and Red Fox and I'm just sitting there screaming because it's fucking great when you watch what really really is a great movie like shut up bitch you know she's a real sweet lady you should have shot on the foot all that shit is brilliant

Oh, it's fucking great. You're watching it. It's like that was Murphy when he was at this weird. You remember when Murphy dropped, there was nothing like it. Murphy made it. Comics had to be kind of goofy and ugly. Murphy was handsome and the coolest motherfucker in the room. Murphy wasn't like any other comic that has ever done it.

Murphy made good choices. Yeah. Murphy did something that a lot of people don't do that haven't. The thing that could kill you in this town of choices. Yeah. One bad choice, we overlook it. Two or three bad choices, you lose me. You lose me.

You lose me. When you go after a role for the wrong reason, as an actor, I'm not talking about as a comic. As a comic, you don't lose. You don't want me, I'll go back on the road. But as an actor, you're a dedicated actor, you know, you could just make bad choices. Look at Jack Hunan, from Sons of America. Manick. You're making $750,000 an episode on television. You want to become a movie star. I get it. You know, you can have the biggest show on TV and nobody gives a fuck about you. Yeah. They give a fuck about Tom Cruise. 20 million a weekend of the box office, that's who they give a fuck about. Yeah. When you try to push somebody as a publicist, they'll tell you, we don't want to talk to TV people. Kevin James ain't shit to us. You know who's something to us? Tom Cruise. You know who's something to us? Tom Cruise. You know who's? something to us Jamie Fox.

That's an interview. Movie stars. It's like being the lightweight champion of the world and being the heavyweight champion of the world. Who gets more respect? The heavyweight champion of the world. It's the same thing.

So, you're making $750,000 an episode. People at home are going, Joey, what the fuck are you talking about? Yes. The last year of Sons of Anarchy they shot 10 or 12 episodes, he got that $750,000 12 times. Okay, so do the math what he made, the final season of Sons of Anarchy.

So I understand you want to make the jump to film, but we cannot lose that income. Once I get that rate that high, it can't go backwards. The only way it goes backwards is if I fail completely and then try to come back. I got to rebuild it. Yeah. Which if that's a bad role, I never will. So instead of him going to CIA, who he jumped ship with and going, hey, listen, this is what I want to do. I want a film career.

But let's make right choices. How? Let's make choices. Let's put me in an ensemble film first, where I have to shine opposite somebody. And I got to go in there and knock them dead. This has been my plan. But at the same time, I'm developing something for you at Netflix, for you not to lose any pocket change.

I'm a Jew. I need that envelope every week. You're a nice guy, but bitch, Papa needs their money. You're going to work. So what I would have done is before Suns of Anakin, it would have been done because at the end of the day, Jack's Teller, all I want to see him do is kill white people and fuck white dirty women. That's all I want to see him do.

I don't want to play him. I don't want to hear that English accent. But we could, if we're smart, you and I could do a remake of the saint, a little one. The audience doesn't have to know it's the saint. They don't know who the fucking saint is. Give this guy his English accent and make him a killer of international fucking spies. Like every week he goes to a park bench and a fucking, I sit next to him with a sandwich.

I get up. He reads a sandwich. He gets a note. there call the number. He calls the number. They tell him he has to kill the attache. He goes to a where's house. He picks up his weaponry. Just like John, just like, look,

they're turning it into a film. America needed that more than that. But John Wick is being turned into a TV show. Yeah. So John Wick 3 is coming out, but the TV show is also coming out. Yeah. I would have taken that kid and gotten $750,000 an episode, shot 10 quick episodes,

and then would have agreed to scripts. So during the off-season, you're shooting those movies and you're building your movie career, but you're not losing that $750 for 10 weeks. That's $7.50, that's $7 million for 10 weeks work. I can't lose that. I can't lose that. Like if I'm making that type of money, I can't lose that.

That's always got to sustain. No, you're right. But think about the mentality and the egos of the people that are in this business. Here you got a guy huge on TV, and he goes off and makes the legend of the city of Z, Well, he did three disasters. Papillon, and that one with Guy Ritchie, which I enjoyed. What was the guy Ritchell?

I enjoyed because I'm an asshole. The one with the Robin Hood. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah. No, Camelot or Carthor, yeah. Yes. So here's a guy that, you know, and he did three duds.

Now he's coming out with a new one, but it's an ensemble film. Okay. And it's him with three other guys. I would read that script. I would pay somebody big money and go break that script down to me. So I leave here with an Academy Award or nominated.

Even if it's not that genre of film, it's the mentality you've got to go into that film with. And then that one comes another one. I'd rather wait for the fastball than try to hit a curveball. Well, you've got to pace yourself and you've got to do the right thing. That's what I'm saying.

That's the thing. This is why I am how I am with my roadwork. I wait for fastballs. I will sit in that pocket forever. I just had an opportunity to rise yesterday, and I was going to force a hand. I almost caught myself forcing a hand. And last night I broke it down in my hand,

I don't need to force the hand. Why am I going to kill myself? I got this, this and this going on. This just doesn't make sense. Because it scares you, though. This means, no. I avoid drama, and I go for the consistency. Yeah, but you also said you're 55 now.

You've been through it, you know? You've seen your mistakes and you've seen other people's mistakes. That's not something you would have done years ago. No, I learned from watching a ton of people. Yeah. I learned it's, remember, everything changes. Yeah. If I was 55 with a girlfriend, oh, Lordy, I'd be on a bus across America with a league.

Doing fucking, you name it. Oh, yeah. Everything but cocaine. Vikings, we'd be waking up. Lee would wake up like Rafin, fucking narcos, foaming at the mouth every morning. You don't know what life is to you wake up and you have like a sticky foam around your mouth. You look in the mirror while you're pissing and it's white. You don't know if you got diabetes or the pills you ate the night before or the chick you ate,

her ass to two nights ago in the back of the club. And it tastes it like asshole, but you went with it anyway because you like you jerk off and come on the butt cheeks. It's fucking crazy. Yeah. Waking up with foam around your mouth. That's when you're on the road. Yeah. That's when you know, Jesus Christ, Jesus, I'm on the road, Jack.

So, if that's, these are all different things. Yeah. I wouldn't think, I still would control myself. I would add Thursdays to my rotation and do the podcast right on the bus. Why fuck around and then take showers and hotels, stop for two nights, stay in a hotel, put them on the other wing, so he has to walk. So I think every time he has to eat something, he has to leave him. them to walk, torture him, telling him to stay for all this from the room.

So it's two hours to see civilization. By the time he gets there, he's walking through miles. But that's what I would do. I can't do that. If I had just a wife, I could do Thursday, Friday, Saturday, maybe do three weeks a month. But I got this little girl. Changes everything.

And it changes everything. And the next two weeks, you've got no school, nobody to watch her. See, that's why. So it's me and my wife. You and Terry and you guys are doing the thing, and it's got to get done. It's got to get done. You know?

Because she doesn't care. She doesn't know who you are. No. She doesn't care about podcasts. She doesn't know about the weekend. You know, like I tell people, listen, I know you want to hang and you think,

here's the deal. I got a fucking five-year-old. And she's going to walk in from church at a quarter after 12. Yeah. And she's going to run in that little room and jump on top of me. And she doesn't care.

how tired I am. It's a fucking game, a picture, let's go to the park. She wants her cartoons. She wants the park. She wants her redo it, all that shit. She doesn't give a fuck about you. You were in Columbus last night.

You did two shows. None of that shit matters, you know. And that's when you see it doesn't matter. So I have to look at things very selectively. I got to go to places every other year. I do everything. You know, the podcast, same thing. We're not here to do 18 different podcasts a week.

And I don't need to be. your living room 10 times a fucking week i don't need to be in you know i don't need to tweet all the time i don't need to we all have our fucking you know and uh it's just weird to when you first come to l-a you're a quarterback on the 20-yard line yeah that's exactly how i describe it try scoring a touchdown remember a touchdown's easy on the 50-yard line that those last 10 yards that's the danger zone That's the red zone, Jack. You better get a guy that was a thief in his previous life and nothing leaves his hands,

or you got to have a tank to run that guy through. You don't have, you're not well-equipped. You don't have a running back. No. You don't have no wide receivers and your blockers suck. That's who you are when you first got the ally. And you're going up to number one defense of the league, which means you're going to get sacked

three out of four fucking times you say hike for the whole fucking game. you might throw the ball twice. You might throw the ball twice. And then you add 10 years to that, now you move to the 20-yard line and you see the field a little better. But at the same time,

you've got to keep doing your sets. It's not just time. No, no. It's, you've got to be working on your craft. Even though the TV don't want you, Gersh don't want you, and Johnny Bananas don't want you, don't worry about none of that.

You just keep doing your sets because now, even though everybody's on the 40-yard line because of credits, you're on the 40-yard line because of talent. Well, it's like I look at it, and I look at it now, and I was like, I know a lot of guys that I started doing stand-up with that aren't doing it, they aren't really doing it anymore. They'll do it from time to time, and they'll go up, and I got a spot here, and I'll do this. And I fell into that place for a long time because you remember, I was just, I was lost, you know?

But now I'm looking at things, and I'm looking at people who work regular jobs, and none of that shit's stable. I got a friend of mine I went to school with. He left Chicago, went to Pittsburgh. He can't get a job on the regular because nobody wants to hire a guy his age to be a constant guy. They want him to work an assignment for three months. There's work everywhere.

This is a thing called Dub. So there's work everywhere. Yeah. If the guy, nobody doesn't get work. There's a big misnomer in this country that I'm not getting work because I'm 50. I'm not getting. working as I'm 40. If you want a job, you'll get it. You'll sell yourself in the room.

Once you start going into a room with that attitude, like, what am I going to do with 55? No, I know, I know. Be creative. Well, this is the thing. But what I was saying was like, I'm finally at the age to play the parts that I've always been. I've always had that mentality. I've always been music I listen to, literature, the films that I love. I'm an old guy. Theatically a lot? No, no. I'm going to have to figure that out. I'm going to have to hit them up again once New Year comes. I have all have deviscent job. They used to send me out. A lot.

A lot. Courtney. Yeah, Courtney did. And I was getting callbacks at the very least and then something wouldn't happen. I could never close it, you know? Like, they liked me, but they didn't like me enough. And I used to think, well, you're too fat to play a regular guy and you're not fat enough to play a fat guy for TV, you know? But, but like, just fucking excuses.

Stop making excuses. Get in there. If you want to lean out. stop eating, work out, be that guy that you need to be. But I got to get some money. The character is a character. Yeah. A character is a character.

It doesn't matter how big you are. If I were to stay at 400 pounds, I would have got 10 more rolls and movies. Yeah. You understand? Yeah, I get you. Yeah. It's really weird. When you're a fat guy, you're going to commit to being a fat guy.

If you want to be Adam Sandler's buddy from Sinai Live. Chris Farley. Go be it. But you have to stay fat. Because once you lose that weight, there goes that one. Nobody wants, what happened to the guy who's going to shake his stomach and make funny faces? Exactly. Why need it to get healthy?

We'll call you. That's the problem with that rumble in the jungle. Yeah. And most people who are fat one day go, wait a second, James Gandalfini died. I'm taking the sleeve. Yeah. I'm doing this diet, you know. The reason why I'm doing what I'm doing was Ralphie dying.

Yeah. He was overworked, no exercised, no rest for the wicked. Yeah. Smoking pot with people on the road, bringing germs from all over from different fucking states, mixing and matching. Your bronchitis turns into pneumonia, and it never goes away. No, it doesn't. It doesn't. That you can't control.

You know what I'm saying? So I saw the value of, I freeze, I lift weights, I go to Jiu-Jitsu. You know, I told Lee yesterday we went in the... Two days ago, we went and did the cardio class together. But I go, did you smell anything? And he goes, they did smell like Italian food. I goes, that was five days of no sweating. When I went home, I smelled that rash guard.

Yeah. And the odors, I smelt from my back. Whatever, the garlic bowl. It smelled like garlic bread. I was like, what is happening? You have no idea. That's five days of no sweating for Joey Diaz. My body's so used to sweating every four, five days a week.

I make myself sweat. Yeah. Sweat. I want to do the push-ups to see the beads falling off my face. That's how you stay young. That is the fountain of youth

when you're old. It's not classic surgery. No, no, no. It's not fucking witch doctory. It's not nothing. No, it's moving. When you're over 50, it's two days a week

and some lifting, maybe two days a week of some walking. Maybe take two kickboxing classes. A lot of sleep. A lot of sleep and a lot of water. sleep it's just like crazy yeah i bought two of these today i went to the wheat store and drank two of these today you know a lot of water uh i don't think i drank a soda in new york i drank a fucking

uh youhoo and uh from my brother when i got there sometimes you got in those left me uh drinks for the room and bananas and shit like that but the whole time i was in new york i didn't eat eggs i ate oatmeal from the hotel that's the way that's the way you you change well you remember you remember weight watches changed us It changed the mentality and even though I've gained a lot of weight back and I haven't been as focused as I once was That weight watch's point thing is still in my head where it's like is that beer really worth it? That's not even if that's not even my brand Why am I gonna do that shit? I had a couple of weeks ago and I looked at it and I thought it would be like 11 points It was five points and I could live with that

Yeah, I always tell Lee that weight watches is not a diet now. It's a lifestyle And it'll take you two weeks to get adjusted three weeks or the fourth week and then once you go and they give you a medal and you're sitting around other fat people and you hear them whining yeah because the main thing about way watch is going to the meeting and seeing why you're fat you learn why you're fat yeah all these excuses you hear are the same ones you tell people exactly I'm gonna do it later I'll get it there and listen to them and go well I went to a party and I had to drink wine no you didn't there was a dick there you could have

that you could have sucked that dick burn calories and gotten yum yum juice but you didn't you know you learned you look at people and discuss yeah you remember you and i used to go to one yeah and we went together for probably six months every sunday then we'd go in an outburger we had a system we'd split the fries and we'd have a single and it was no soda yeah but go diet coke yeah it was 15 points i remember that but there was a girl that sat behind this that she went to weight watches for a social life. And every week she would sit behind us and gain a pound or two and swear to God, I mean, Lee,

swear to God that she didn't heat her action points and that she ran every day. And I would look at her in pity because I would say to myself, why do you keep coming here? You have gained weight every week. and it would piss me off so much that it made my challenge become a challenge against hers.

Like, I'm going to beat this bitch because this can not go on. I don't want to ever sound like this person. That's what Weight Watch is doing. Sometimes you have to see that, though. Yes. I mean, that's why those meetings are important because you see people's excuses

that were all yours. I travel. I, you know, I might have family in town. I don't have the time. I'm tired. I work too much. You know, I can't. There's a subway down the corner from my house,

and you start looking at these people going, I do not want to end up like this. And you realize that it's not a diet, it's just a lifestyle change. I went to eat gumbo today. They gave you a cup of rice. I didn't touch the rice. That's nice.

There was chicken and shrimp and sausage and crab meat, the fucking gumbo. That's a lifestyle change. So I ate the brisket sandwich? Oh, I inhaled that thing, but there was fries. I didn't touch the fries. Do you understand? That's a lifestyle change.

I drank a Diet Coke. I had no choice. You can't go to a barbecue joint or no water. You look like a fucking asshole. I didn't touch the sweet iced tea, which I would have gotten two years ago. There's just little adjustments. Little adjustments.

It's not a diet. That's why you're never going to die. But that's the thing. You and I used to do that. What we would do. No, I never went on. Maryland was the one, God rest of soul, that told me weight watches was the only diet for me.

Because Marilyn had tried the one where they... Oh, she tried everything. Yeah, she tried everything. And she said it was garbage. Yeah. And Marilyn was the one that one night, we had like a two-hour drive, and she wouldn't shut the fuck up.

And I remember that the biggest diet she ever went on was weight watches, that she lost 80 pounds. Yeah. She put it back on a year or two later. But she really, like, she just, started dropping, Merrill. Like, it just started gold, like, Jesus, Marilyn. And she wasn't walking. She said she would

walk to the bottom of the hill and back up the corner. I'm not even exercising, Joey. I'm just eating. She found how to cheat the system. There's a way to cheat the system, and you could cheat it, and drop tons of weight. Tons. She dropped 80 pounds of them. And that's the first thing I said.

I called Rick one day. I go, Rick, we got to get our lives together. We went in January. It was like January 10th to 14th. I'll never think getting on that scale. I was 3708 pounds. I was 273, I think it was. And I had not been on a scale.

Like, I would see a scale to avoid it. Like, I don't even look at a scale. When I got on that scale, my fat little heart broke. Like, my fat little heart broke. And I remember the toughest thing was the soda. That was the first thing that went. Yeah. When she bought the Diet Coke home.

Oh. Horrible. Oh, it broke my heart. I was looking to cheat, and then the breakfast changed, because you could have two pieces of toast, bacon and two eggs. So in those days, she'd make me an English muffin, one egg, and a piece of ham. Half a piece of ham was three points. So I was basically eating an egg McMuffin for breakfast.

That was it. But from those first three weeks, I realized that I could survive. That's what you learned first. Yeah. Once you eat it, you go, well, I usually eat three egg McMuffins. Eat the one, and forget about it. Yeah, go out and do your thing. And next thing you know, you're like, you know what?

I ain't hungry. They teach you some great things. They teach you some great things. Slow down your eating because I eat like a fucking, like a lot of the chair. Yeah, it's over for me. I'm just shoveling it in like a fucking animal with no respect for nothing. But then drinking more water, but also once you get over that hump, it's easy. But don't lose perspective on it because that's what happened to me.

I was like, oh, well, I'll eat this. I can do this slowly a pound here, two pounds there. That's exactly. And that's what happens. It's like, so I'm doing it tomorrow. And it's going to be, it's going to be hard. I'm going to be with my mom. I'm weighing in Sunday.

Yeah. I'm weighing in Sunday. I'm, um, I kept 25 off for a year. Yeah. That's pretty good. That's pretty goddamn good. Yeah, that is. I'm happy, you know, my blood pressure is stable.

I get on get headaches anymore. Yeah. Like I used to at 309, 316. If I could tell if I did something, I get a headache. Yeah. If I wrestled or something, I don't get those headaches. Sleep is important. Rest is important.

Yeah. You know, like I said yesterday, I ran into something that I could have turned into a money thing. And I said, you know what? I'm going to focus on what they often. Yeah. And take it. Take the free flight. It's business class.

New York. I looked it up. It's $2,400. They're going to pay just for the plane ticket. I'm going to go. Give them the attention they deserve. and come back Saturday. Yeah.

I was going to do all the agent. We'd bother me. We should make this. I go, you know what, why? Again, this is how you burn yourself out. Yeah. It's working smart and not. When you are beginning,

comic, you take whatever. Yeah. As you move up, you have to start saying no, and as you get into a different level, you really have to start saying no and picking and choosing and going, well, I could do this this week, I could do this this week,

and looking and like I said, I incorporate everything. I got three movies left. Let's go. All right. Because of Diego Luna, I loved them in Tuma Matamian. That movie was,

I mean, that movie was powerful all the way through. You know? I haven't watched it a while if that's on my Christmas list. It threw me at the end, but I was like, whoa, wait a,

what the fuck is going on here? But once, I mean, I was like, wow, this is just a great film. This is just a great film. I dig this. film it's a it's him it's gail

Garcia Bernal who have you seen him that guy's great too yeah I think that's his partner in the yeah in the theater company they have out of Canada yeah they do some really good work and I think that's Guaron I think that's Alfonso Cuaron those Mexicans are making some great films

they're reviving a film industry that that has been dead since the late 60s man when they just started making cheap cheap schlocky kind of Mexican wrestler movies or or or these really shitty drug dealer movies. They're coming up with some really good shit because Mexico had a fucking great film industry back in the 40s into the 50s.

And then like anything else, the American market just destroyed everything. Every country in the world is primarily American movies. Almost no country. Maybe Hong Kong had some good shit from the 17th into the early 90s. and India still has a vibrant film. Bollywood. Yeah. But France,

Germany, Russia, and all of South America and Central America, none of these people really have film industries because people just want to see American films. And it's these shitty, like, you know,

comic book movies, the Marvels, the DC. It's like this fucking, this bulldozer that just destroys everything else that's in its wake, you know? What are you going to do? They got some good shit,

though. Another movie I want to watch. I haven't seen a long time, and you always got to watch one brand on movie. Yeah. And it's on the waterfront. I have not watched it in a while. And it's weird because Lee asks if there's a connection emotionally.

Out of that list, that's the number one movie that connects with me because of the speech he tells his brother. Which one in the back seat of the car? If you're a loser at that time of your life and you listen to that speech, you feel uncomfortable for eight minutes after that. If you don't have things right in your life, when he looks at his brother and he says he could have been a somebody,

and he could have been a contender, and he could have been somebody. You're thinking to yourself, I want to be somebody, too, and here I am watching on the waterfront on a Friday night at 9 o'clock, whenever else is getting that dick's like. I'm sitting here with a Pittsburgh Steeler shirt on.

I'm 50 years old. I'm single. I live in a basement. I got a cat named Momo. who's missing a leg of diabetes complication. And then he comes on, he plays the ultimate loser. Yeah. And you just feel like a fucking asshole. Yeah.

And it takes me back to, excuse me, the first time I watched that and how I felt when he said those words, you know. That's what I'm talking about, though. There's that, it's that there are sometimes when you're watching something on screen and you're like, you can't hide from the, truth you can't hide from how you have fucked your life up and you know there are

there are times when I'm watching something and I also loser movies I've always been attracted to loser movies or guys you know that that are looking for that one last shot at redemption where they can fix it you know when we we were talking on my show and we were talking about how I'm overwhelmed by old man movies and guys coming to the end of their lives saying I fucked up how am I gonna fix it You know, the New Eastwood movie is not great. You saw it? I saw it.

I saw it. It's not great, but there are moments in it where I'm like, wow, that, I get that guy. That's my dad. That's me. The old man in the gun, I liked. I liked it. I was gonna ask you about it. I really liked it.

Denny Glover, Danny Glover is, he delivers his great little performance. Sissy Spaceic, I've always loved, always loved Sissy Spaceic, you know. She's always, ever since, called him. Coal Miner's daughter, you know, because I saw Coal Miner's daughter before I saw Carrie. What's the movie she did with Mel Gibson? The River. That's one of my favorite. The River, yeah.

But she's beautiful. She's wonderful, you know. She's fucking gorgeous. She's just, she's, I was curious to see how that Robert Redfern movie was. I had a great time with it, but it's a, it's an old man movie. You know, it's like, this is what I've done with my life. I've made mistakes, but I'm still, I'm still hustling. I'm still fighting.

And it's, it's, that's what's great about it. I loved it. To be Clinice with age and to do a movie about a guy that age. Yeah. That has to smuggle to make ends meet, to pay for prescriptions, to keep his wife alive who's on a fucking machine. I don't know the plot of the movie. I don't know.

Yeah, that's a lot of it, but it's not also, it's also the thrill that he gets of being useful again. And because his life has gone to shit. It's like my grandfather's 92. And every time, every time I go home, I think to myself, This might very well be the last time I see him. That goes to my mind every time. And I think about it with my parents as well.

I think of more with my mom than I do with my dad. But there's something about living your life in saying, I've made some bad choices, but I still have an opportunity to make this shit right. And I want my mom at least to see me be even just moderately successful, where she's not she's a mom she's gonna fucking worry about her little boy for the rest of her life you know she's i'm 44 she's 67 66 66 she could either have 20 years or she could have you know two or three i don't know what's going to happen but it it it gets to me you know i don't have a mother i know

that's the holidays and i think of what success is as a parent and and it If your kid's breathing, if your kid has an apartment and he has a job and he or she a hand in themselves, and they're not on drugs, and they're not in a bad situation, you did a good job as far as I'm concerned. Success doesn't mean any, at least not to me. When I was 25 and 30 and 35, I thought, yeah, it would be nice to have a boat and two blondes. And show people. There's nothing to show. It's forgiving yourself.

It's accepting yourself. Success is accepting yourself. Oh, yeah. And not going to sell drugs. And I'm not going to suck a dick. And I'm not, what if you were one of those women that fucked Harvey Weinstein

and you won an Academy Award? Yeah. Did you really earn an Academy Award with your talent? Well, yes, because by fucking them, you opened up the door to get a position. You know. You still had to deliver. You still have to deliver.

And I think that sometimes success, the value, people don't know the pressure and the value of success. And once you get there, you're going to say to yourself, what was really successful? Success is me being healthy, me having a steady job, me paying my bills, and me having healthy relationships around me. And the general word there is happy.

That's success. That's the equivalent of success. uh, Demetrius, there's a kid that follows me on Facebook. He just went to Cuba and he goes, I had a good time and I go to Jew, look at their faces.

I want Americans. Every American should go to Cuba and look at those people's faces. And think about when they complain that they need a new, their iPhone cracked or that, you know, everybody,

we look at these things in our lives that have no value. And then we add so much on success. on showing people what we have and what we don't have. And at the end, and when you're in a casket, you're going to realize that success is number one, being healthy. Yeah. And number two is being happy.

If you're living in a shack on Sacramento Street and you're reading and you're figuring, you're going to go to why in your shower and you're figuring out how to make a living, if you have a smile on your face when I come to visit you, that's success. Yeah. You know, he says a line to him when he goes in to talk to Kiki, Kiki Camerangelo goes.

Can you imagine when I was poor, I slept like a baby? Yeah. Now that I'm rich, I don't fucking sleep. You're worried about too much. You know. You always, you know. Everybody, whether it's in comedy, success in comedy or surviving 20 years? Tell me you did comedy for 20 years and you got nowhere and I'm going to look at,

you can go, no, you didn't. You did something for 20 years and nobody, the cards didn't go your way. And don't give up. Don't give up because the cards didn't go your way. Not for right now. But if you stay at that table long enough and you keep your chips low,

you keep them low, you play the, you know, you keep them low and you start fucking calling and you keep the rhythm. Remember when in rounders, he figured out the rhythm of the table. Yeah. And he kept fucking with them. And finally John Malkovich.

Fuck you. Fuck you. He read his tell. Fuck you. You read his tell. You see your opportunity. You fucking sees it. It's the same thing with poker.

This game that we're playing is staying at the table for the longest. How can I stay at the table by the longest? Am I going to go all in on everything? No. You're going to lose early on. You come to me and go, I got a co-starring on ABC's grown men. It's over. Fuck you in the comedy store.

I'm looking at you and go, I remember that one. You know what I'm saying? I'll see you in two years, begging for a belly room spot. Our friend did that, remember? We were talking about that. I told Lee that the first day I realized that our friend was going downhill is when I said, hey, you missed your spot at the main room. And she goes, ah, why am I going to go down there for $2 for?

And I just said, okay. Yeah. That's how easy it is. That's how easy it is. Yeah. She was getting 1,500 a gig, 2 gigs a weekend. they were living like doctors. She would show up for every spot.

And one Saturday she told me she wasn't in the mood to go down there. And I knew right down and there that you lost that thing. Yeah. Because even me, there's times I do a show in the main room, and they pay me a couple hundred. And I go right back to the original room

to eat a bag of dicks for the small 15. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You know what that does to you? That always feels great. When you go into the main room and get paid, and you borrow. And then you go into the original room for the same 15.

Yeah, you eat a bigger bag of dicks. You know it's crazy? It's like you're gonna get to this point Lee where it's like I got called up for a gig in Lancaster Christmas party fucking worst all right I drive all the way out to Lancaster for a hundred dollars 50 50 miles out 50 miles back I eat shit I get my money and whatever they feed me and I'm driving back thinking to myself maybe you ain't got it anymore maybe it's done Maybe you took too long off and you're just a fucking mess now and you can't do it Well, you still got a spot at the ice house go do the ice house and then just redeem yourself a little bit

I went over to the ice house and I had a great set and I was back in and that's all it takes It's like you know the bad sets the bad sets are always gonna happen There's gonna be moments when when you're not gonna you're you can't pay them to fucking laugh at you there's nothing that's going to hit. But at the end of the day, I know this is the only fucking thing that I have ever been really good at. That's it. Just talking. You know what I mean?

It's all percentages. It is. This game is percentages. And I use comedy. I use poker. Oh, yeah. I use whatever you love. You want to be a photographer.

The name of the game is staying at the table for as long as you can. And every time you come to me and say, I'm doing a pantheon for a movie I wrote. Good luck. You know, everybody wants to go all in. Don't go all into you ready. You don't need to make that move. See, what I'm doing. Shut your mouth, there's one to go in.

I don't care if you set that table for eight and go. I don't care if you sit there for eight hours and go. And everybody will see, like, are you ever going to put a better? No, because I'm waiting for the fastball. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with waiting for the fastball. That's right. I'm not going nowhere, and I'm fucking patient.

So you wait for the fastball. That's the thing. You look for the opportunities. You've got to, you know, build yourself, you know, I want to do production. I know it's going to be fucking hard, but I want to do it. I want, you know, because I'm a filmmaker. In my head, I'm a filmmaker.

I don't know if I got a, I think I got a story, but I got to write it, and I got to learn how to make it. And I've seen a lot of guys out here doing that shit, and I think I'm better. With all due respect to them, they had the balls to do it. But now it's, you know, you can only train for so long. Then you got to step up to the fucking plate and show them what you're about. And even if you fail at that, so what?

You still throw down with it. You're not going to know until you try. Yeah. That's the moral of the fucking story. The last movie I'm throwing out there is out of respect for Penny Marshall. And it really is one of my favorite movies in the world. It's big. I think Tom Hanks was sensational.

I think the scene when he's jumping up and down the bed with the grown woman. Yeah. It's sensational. I think the scene at R.A.O. Fax when him and Loja... And Lopez. Lopez Mascarface. I'm playing the piano with their feet. Yeah.

That's Lopez. Mscarface. That's Frank Lopez, ain't it? Yeah. You know? You know, it's like, when you see grown people playing kids, oh, my God. It's usually the worst.

If you have this. Big guys. Oh, yeah. By Penny Marsh. Listen, league of their own, Tom Hanks is a motherfucker. Yeah. But fucking big is so good. The kid who plays his best friend.

Oh, yeah. It's good. Everybody in that fucking... Elizabeth Perkins, I had such a crush on her. She was gorgeous. I loved her, and she had that five. Kevin Meaney's in that movie. Kevin Meaney.

The late great Kevin Meaney. Lovitz is in it. I mean, who else is in it? Yeah. There's so many people. No, no, no. No, no. That's a big is a great movie.

So here's, grab your pens. There you go. We're going with rounders. We're going with fucking Sugar Hill. We're going with fucking whatever the fuck. I said. Bullets over Broadway, Biloxi Blues, Apocalypse Now. Gotti, the 98th film by HBO,

not the new one with Travolta. No, the Armada Santa. The French Connection. E to Mama, Tambien, on the waterfront and motherfucking big that's down this fucking thing in you understand some good holiday viewing man

you're not going to be disappointed and I want to thank when I went home I went to this restaurant call her Sarantina he listens to the podcast His name is Jock Listen they have spaghetti with tiny meatballs Yeah A dish I couldn't even finish it

It was fucking tremendous He took care of us my family He sliced this octopus Slice fucking thin Lee, your asshole would have gone quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, you have no idea, your asshole ever go quack, quack, quack, quack.

It is right now, just thinking about it. Let me tell you something. You know, you have no idea. But if you're in the North Bergen area by Hudson County Park, go all with our sorrentina, tell him, tell Jago Uncle Joey sent you for the, you got to see the arugula

a fucking pizza with the cheese over there. I kept looking, lady next to me, kept eating pizza. I'm like, Jesus Christ. I had the compresses. Is he? I didn't fart one time from the Mutsero. I'm lactose tolerant. It was clean, Bobby.

Clean. You understand me? Clean that Muzerl he had. It was just a great fucking time. Rick Ramos, always a pleasure seeing you. It's a thrill being here. Tell them about your podcast. Watch this with Rick Ramos.

That's fair. Watch this. It's me, my buddy, Ibrahim. We just talked. And what this is to get released? We put it out every Tuesday. On iTunes. On iTunes.

Yeah. All right, brother. I want you guys to have a very merry fucking Christmas. And I mean this, you know where you guys are, from Bob Linguish to clear, the hokey, spooky, to Bobby Sharon, to the list goes fucking on and on.

You know, I love you guys with all my fucking heart, and I want you guys to have a great fucking holiday. We'll be back on Thursday morning, ready to rock. I want to thank Rick Ramos. I want to thank the Christ killer, but most importantly, I want to thank and share with you guys for the love we shared this year together

in the ups and the downs on the show and our personal lives. But we're all here every fucking week, twice a motherfucking week. And we're not giving up to you motherfuckers a way you're supposed to be. You know, like the guy said in Narcos. When we look at things,

I don't look at things for what they are. You look at things for what they could be, you know? And that's a line we should all fucking remember. I hope you have a happy fucking holiday. day with your family and have a great time and may Santa bring you everything you deserve from Lee myself and Rick Ramos and all the other guests on the church you see it I want to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart and to your families Merry Christmas and we'll see you guys Thursday all right don't forget I'm going to be at the Oxnard Improv December 27 28th and 29th

that's Thursday Friday's Saturday you listen to this you're thinking what am I going to do with my Christmas money buy a bag of dope and come down and see Uncle Joey smoke a couple joints. Lee will be there. Eric Roacher, the king of the fucking gay bars, will be there. I love this fucking lineup. It's torture. Oxnard Improv.

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Just for using promo code church. CH, UR, C.H. At my bookie, you play, you win, you get paid. Let me ask you a question. Are you going to start the 2019 single? Maybe it's not the cut of your jib. Maybe it's not your bad breath. Maybe it's not that fucking wandering eye.

Maybe it's just every time a chick sucks your dick, she smells your asshole. You ever think about that? And that asshole's got, listen, my asshole ain't no cleaner than yours until I discovered hello tushy.com. You're asking me, Joey, what's hello tushy? Do I got to go to a doctor to stick a needle in my ass? Fuck no. Hello, Tushies are portable.

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You got a 60-day money-back guarantee, but listen, I've been sitting on my bidet for three fucking years. between the shits and the 300 pounds if I have them busting my bidet you won't do nothing to your bidet either let me tell you some that hose has smelt some terrible fucking things and it hangs in there daily like a fucking soldier

inhaling the fucking winds of debt that come out of my asshole but because I have a hell out of tushy bidet I eliminate that odor from my asshole so it smells nice and clean what you do is you keep a little French towel next to you put some fucking Irish spring and you stick it up your ass and you let the water

take that dead soap and all that dead residue of God knows what you've been eating lately you're on the keto diet you got peanut juice and fucking Letitia milk all over yourself You don't need that HelloTushy.com A portable bidet

A portable bidet 65 They start at Go to hellotushy.com right now This is a bidet you like It matches your patois Bam Put in the word muffler and get 10% off your order.

You understand me? And listen, it's never too late to use Hello Tushy as a fucking Christmas present. If you gave me something to keep my asshole clean, I'd give you a big fucking hug. He just got back from Vietnam. One of those hugs. Anyway, don't forget, Oxnard,

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Hello Tushy and my people over at my bookie who are fucking sensational. Again, I want to wish you all a Merry fucking Christmas. And we'll worry about New Year's next week. Let's just get over for Crooked Christmas.

The Korean might send a rocket ship, and we got nothing. You understand me? And we're wasting time. Let's just hope Santa makes it to your house, motherfuckers. Take that motherfucking mulee.