The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #647 - Sam Tripoli

Episode Date: January 7, 2019

Sam Tripoli, stand up comedian and host of the, "Tin Foil Hat" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. Sam's new special is available for rent and download at https://www.samtripoli.com/ This podcast is brought to you by: Hims - Go to ForHims.com/joey for a trial month of everything you need to keep your hair - for just $5.   ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church    Recorded live on 01/06/2019.


Greetings from Podcastville. The church of what's happened now is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. You know what smart? Kicking off 2019 by planning out which roles your business need to hire for. Unlike other job sites, ZipRecruiter finds qualified candidates for you. That's why ZipRecruiter is rated number one by employers in the U.S. This rating comes from hiring sites on Trust Pilot with over a thousand reviews. I don't care how big your business is, whether it's small, huge, medium, you could benefit from

ZipRecruiter. Right now, the church family can try ZipRecruiter for free. ZipRecruiter for free. That's right, free. I'm starting a year off with free. Why? Because I love you. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash church.

If you love the show, show some support. And let ZipRecruiter by going to ZipRecruiter.com slash church. C-H-U-R-C-H is the place to be. That's ziprecruiter.com slash church. ZipRecruiter.com slash church. Listen, this podcast is also brought to you by H-I-M-S. You know why I like hymns? Because it's the best thing out there going.

You're looking at me going, Joey, what are you talking about? I'll tell you what I'm talking about. 66% of men I lose their hair by the age of 35. The thing is, when you start to notice hair loss, it's too late. Forhims.com is a one-stop shop for hair loss, skin care, and sexual wellness for men. What they do is nice and easy, no drama. Thanks to science, baldness could be optional. All right.

Hems connects you with real doctors and medical grade solutions to treat hair loss with well-known generic equivalents to name brand prescriptions to help you keep your hair. Like I said, they also help with skin care and sexual wellness if you know what I'm talking about. But do me a favor. Go to Hymns.com right now. For Hems.com right now. And take a look. There's no waiting rooms.

There's no awkward in person doctor visits. Right now, the church family gets a trial month of Hems for five hours. Today, while supplies last. See the website for full details. This would cost you hundreds if you went to a doctor or a pharmacy. I'm doing it for you for five hours for the first month. So go to 4hems.com slash Joey. Again, that's 4hems.com slash Joey for five hours for the first month while supplies last.

Kick this fucking meal, Lee. It's Monday, January 7, back to work, you motherfuckers. It's a new year, new goals. Kick it, Lee, kick it, kick it, kick it. We ain't fucking around it. It's Monday, Cox up this. Wake him up. A little Michael Schengen.

He's coming in April. I'm going with Dean Del Rizzi. Three nights at the whiskey. My man, Sam Tripoli, the Christ killer. And your uncle Joey Diaz, baby. What up, you bad motherfuckers? Beautiful Monday.

That's everybody's back to work. The game is over. The hugs, the bullshit stories. The apple cider. The gifts. Now comes the credit card. Bill. Now comes the credit card bill on the 15th and you're real correct. But you know what? Who gives the fuck? You have to spend some time with your family and your loved ones.

And it's that time of the year where it's nice to stop and smell the fucking roses. If you have a rose, we all have a rose. Sam Tripoli. What up, dude? Thanks for having me on. I love you. And happy New Year. Happy New Year, the both of you leave. Happy New Year, Happy Anniversary on a year doing stand-up. You're killing it, dude. Thank you, Ramay. You brought on me to Santa Barbara for my first. First real gig. Hey, dude.

I'm so happy for you, man. I like the jacket, brother. Thank you, buddy. You know, got this? My girlfriend's grandmother picked it. Nailed it, right? How many times this is grand... 85-year-old women?

Nailed it. She's Armenian? No, she's Jew. Okay. What are you doing? Hey, dude. I love the Jews, dog. How long you've been with this one?

Long time. Long time. Yeah. That's why you couldn't do the... You went to a concert with it one time. I didn't even know you had a girlfriend. You can't. Yeah, 15 years.

How when you've been with her? 15. But you keep her away from the store. You keep her low and wraps. She's there more than anybody I know, dude. Really? Like, if you think of all the guys who've been there forever and their girls, she goes there the most.

And I'm cool that she loves comedy. I never see anybody's women there. I know you 20 years. I've never met this girl. You've met my girlfriend. Really? Yes. Jesus Christ, I gotta stop smoking.

I don't remember meeting you, girl. You've met her a bunch of times. 15 fucking years. You've met her a bunch times. How long have you been at the store for? I've been there since 2000. 99, 2000. You've been a fucking, you're coming up on 20 years.

I love it. Can you imagine that 20 fucking years? I can't believe it. I mean, dude, it's in, I mean, that OR is fucking jumping every night, dude. Every night now, every night. It's, and it's amazing that we saw the upswing. Like, we were there when nobody was coming. there. Oh, yeah. Dungeon club.

People would look down. I love, I'm thankful for those years. Me too. I learned so much. Me too. It's the comedy store was like danger feels. Nobody talked about it no more. It existed, but it just was something that it was just polluted. It was too dark for some people. But everything else was on fire.

The laugh act and the improv now, we saw the whole fucking thing, the whole game time. So it's very interesting to see. It's crazy, dude. I've been following Brian Holspin in the OR, and I've been killing it. I used to bomb constantly after him. He was one of those guys either he destroys the room, and they're like, oh, my God, it's crazy. Or like he puts him in weird places.

What time does he go up now, Brian? I mean, I went up at 1115, so he did 11. Wow, he called me a few weeks ago with a gig for a gig. I couldn't do the gig. I wrote Missouri. I love him, dude. And you know, man, the people come in the store, they're looking for edgy or comedy. So now it's like he's starting to hit, and it's fun to walk.

watch he is he's one of my favorite comments he's one of my favorite too he's so different than everybody else and he's so funny it was just we had deep deep conversations him and i 15 years ago and he knew that he couldn't do his set on the road as a feature his set would not fly right somebody would fire right oh out the game there's too many headliners that don't like following that yeah they can't they can't follow it It could get tossed. Because I remember he's from Long Island. He told me he did a spot one time.

And the club owners, this is when governors is completely different. Governors is a great club today. But 20 years ago, it was run by an agency. It was a booking agency that ran the club. Clean comedy? No, no, no, no. It was just a fucking, they didn't know. It just was something weird.

So Brian Olson went down there. It wasn't that it was clean. You know, at the time, Brian Holstman's talking about letting this kid suck his dick of the baseball game or some shit or something, you know. I mean, they just wouldn't fly. It would fly. It flew at the comedy store because it was late.

And he was comfortable there. He's comfortable there. That's not going to fly in Detroit at fucking, that one club. That's not going to fly. You have to shoot his special without him knowing it. Right. That's the thing about it. Him and I have similar things.

we fall apart when the camera's on. Like, I fall apart. Really? Yeah. I don't, I mean... I did a lot better. Like, when I did, the best thing I ever did, in my opinion, was Ari's things. Yeah.

Like, that's the best work I ever did was on Ari's things as a comic and as an actor, I think, married. But at that time, like, I was... They wrote specifically for me. And I just played myself. and I just went over the top. So that in my world is good. Everything else is bullshit. I think you're great.

I mean, I've seen your sets. I know you probably beat your shit yourself up. We do that all the time, you know, but I think you're, I love watching it. I mean, your special is really good. I'm super excited, man. It's doing really well.

It's called Zero Fux, and I broke it. It's two parts. Zero Fux and Armageddon. And you can find on Vimeo.com backslash on-demand, uh, zero fucks or on-demand, uh, Armageddon, or just putting Sam Tripoli. And dude, I love it, man. I want, when I moved here, I'm like, I want to do my special the Viper Room and it just happened to work out. And the blessings in my life is that I, exactly produced my own special. It's gorgeous, dude. And I've pretty much made my money back. And I'm

about to, you know, I'm about to put out the record in February. So I'm super stoked, man. Good for you. I'm so excited. When we moved here, the Vipa Room was really hot. Yeah. There was a line around the corner at the Vipa Room. Then Rogan did it one night, and I opened for him. It was fucking tremendous.

It was back in there, like right around Fear Factor. He was doing all these offshoot rooms, and I would open for him in different spots. That's right around. I just got into the store around that. We also did that room. There's a restaurant, a Chinese restaurant, maybe Beverly Boulevard, the Mint. Yeah. The Mint.

Yes. We did the Mint. It's like on Pico, right? Pico, yeah. It's like the, it's like the... We did the Mint one night when he was hot. We did the theater on Wilshire when he was hot. This is 2009.

Do you know Joe when he wasn't hot? I mean, like... I met Joe when he was on news radio. And I didn't know. And he got that like right off the plane, right? No, no, no, no. He had a baseball show. And then that guy...

got canceled and then what kind of a baseball show like it was on Fox oh it was it like a scripted baseball show really yeah he played one of the baseball players or some shit he got a deal then he came out here and he shot the show and the show got canceled and then something happened he got another deal and they shot this is weird they shot news radio but the original guy was Ray Romano yeah and he got fired and replaced him and Ray Romano went on to become Ray Romano so again if Ray Romano would have went home and shut the curtains like Sunny Black and fucking in Donnie Brasco nothing happens you know right what people on the sand that you and I were talking about

before the show started was like we've gone through battles like I just remember that you were part of that Howard Stern competition and and then I remember just here you me in front of you I remember you had a TV show for He did crazy shit. Yeah. You did something with Rampage. Yeah. I fought Rampage.

Right. You fought Rampage. I did my own stunts. Right. He threw you around or something. You know, this all incorporates your body of work. Whether it's negative or positive, you did it. You know?

Yeah, I did. It's just really weird. So when Ray Romano lost that, Joe picked up news radio, I move out here. And I've become a regular at the store. And at the store one night, the girl I was with said, oh, he's on. They kept saying news radio. I never talked to him. I didn't talk to him for the first two months there.

I thought news radio was a radio show. Like, I was a comic then. You know what I'm saying? Who was on that? Brooke Shields? No, it was a tremendous. Phil Hartman. One of the Andy Dick.

Was Kathy Griffin on that? No, no. The brunette chick and the redhead. chick that I just saw her in audition about a year ago. She's broke and she's hooked up with Nick Nolte and started doing Coke. Dave, whatever. It was a great

show. NBC just didn't stand behind it and they kept moving it around. So went from Tuesday night to Wednesday night to Thursday night. Changed like, ask them. Next time you see him, it's really interesting. The show worked and made it to five years with three schedule

changes. Hey, I never heard how you got picked up. I always hear everybody story about how they ended up becoming a regular. Did anything interesting happen when you got picked up? Because I've always known you as a regular. I just saw about that. There was a time you got picked up and were made a regular. I went through the 10-year period, the first 10 years of my career. And I talked to, you know. How long it takes you to get picked up? We're sitting with a kid right now that's been doing comedy for a year. A little baby, a high baby. And people are going to give him shit in about three months.

You know, he's going to walk into a club. Somebody's going to whisper something to somebody's ear. And he's going to see it. He's going to see all the things I saw that, you know, how people will say, oh, well, he gets on stage because he's going to Joey and Sam Trippley. I don't believe in life that way. I believe in life and opportunities.

Right. If you got up off the fucking bed in Boston, and flew out here, you're in the game. That's your opportunity. If you made a friend, then for some reason he put you on his TV show, so be it. The guy believed in you, and we rather you have it than somebody else.

But some people can't live with that. It drives them crazy. They always got to say something, well, she got it because that's her father or because whatever. Whatever was, she went to the fucking audition. Right. She went to the fucking audition.

Yeah. Okay. As we could see right now, what's the girl from friends? Jim France. Yeah, like our father, whatever. Look at her. She's a piece of fucking ass.

She's beautiful. And she could act, you know what I'm saying? She's still around 20 years later. So obviously you were fucking wrong. You were fucking wrong. You follow me? Like, right away, well, they got the show because of the father. No, it's called the opportunity.

You got up off your ass. Kristen Lee is like that. He's a super talented guy, you know? And you're at the right place at the right fucking spot. Yeah. That's it. So I was very fortunate. Like, people have bad luck in their life.

It took me a month to get into the store. I got here January 29th, and by February 19th, that was a regular. But on the flip side of that, Ari auditioned, how many times for her? Like, it was either 28 or 38. Okay, so you understand me? It really doesn't matter. All that is part of your journey. For me, I just happened to log out.

But I didn't go to my mind. Montreal, I never got a big agent, I never had a big manager all those years. The only thing I had was the store. So it was the only thing I had, so I had to treat it a certain way. Because it was all I had. That was the only person who believed in me. People would come in and say, you're funny, but we're not going to fucking pick him up. He's out of his fucking mine.

Where Mitsy Shaw promoted my crazy. She got that. She loved when I threw a cue ball at a car. She loved it. I broke the microphone. She loved chaos. She loved chaos. So I was home.

You follow me? So that's my story. It took me three fucking weeks. I want to thank Scott Day. I know he listens to the podcast religiously. He's in some fucking country in Bangkok. Because when Doug Stanhope, it was Doug Stanhope, Carlson, see ya, and somebody else who vouch for me. But it was primarily Stanhope who vouched for me.

when stanhope vouched me how was at stan hopes i was staying on his bunk beds and the guy called stanhope uh i can't think of his name i just said his fucking name scott day scott day called stanhope and said tell d's gonna be six weeks

six weeks to six month waiting list holy shit do you remember the fucking laugh factory do you remember calling the laugh factory and go hi It's January 7th. This is Joey D. It's like to come in the showcase. That bitch told me October 24th.

The first time I called the Laugh Factory, like I was here like a year, and he kind of didn't know. I did Latino night, but he didn't know for sure. I remember calling, like, in January, and my showcase was October 24th. Like 10 months. Dude, we used to drive in from Vegas to do that open mic.

It was so good. At the Laugh Factory. You used to drive him from, you and Scott Ross? me, Scott Ross, and Keith Healy, and Mark Hatchell. He used to drive in to do it. Where is Joel Lindley? I don't know.

Where is Mimi Gonzalez? Where is Mimi Gonzalez? Do you remember Mimi Gonzalez? Yes. Pretty lesbian, Cuban, half Jewish? There's so many people I wonder where they are. I bumped into Mimi Gonzalez. I was going to try to fucking track it into Montreal one time.

I talked to Bobby Slayton. And he goes, if you get them Montreal, I'll throw you a five-minute spot at the comedy on the dirty show. And I had my money. This was before 9-11. And I made it all the way to Detroit. And I get out of the airport, I go, wait a second. I'm going to go to Canada and walk around with that fucking guy I ate at the store. You know, when you have spots at the store, and there's always that one guy that's not a regular.

Yeah. But he lurks and he's creepy. Yeah. I was like, am I going to be that fucking guy? I'm not going to Montreal. and you know walk around and wait for a five minute guest said i can't do that to my friends i said fuck it and i just got a room i told the cab driver take me to the cheapest room and he took me to the darkest neighborhood you ever seen your fucking life in detroit and i had a rock the coke rock

with me because i was coming from miami so i had a coke and i thought in my mind that was the sneaking into that's how retarded i was triply i was sneaking into montreal and i went to detroit i was and try to take the bus over the border. I was like, fuck this. And I checked into this fucking hotel where you got to put a couch in front of it, the door, because, I mean, that, yeah, but that night, I had 300 bucks,

and this was 20, 9-9-5, take your own chances, HBO, it was warm, or whatever the fuck it was, it was, yeah, it was warm, whatever, and I'll never forget that the second night, there was a club down the corner called Coco's Comedy Club, Pure black club. Tremendous.

Tremendous. I didn't know. Detroit had another black club called All Jokes Aside. In 1995, there was two black clubs in the country that were hiring Latinos. All Jokes Aside in Chicago and All Jokes Aside in Detroit. I was doing Joey's Comedy Club one time in Dearborn and like a Gavon, I called Old Jokes Aside. I was featuring at Joey's.

I'm like a galvo. The pig that I am, this is why I tell people to mind their business because I've learned these lessons. Right. When I tell people not to do this and you do it, I'm not telling you because I'm being a dick. I'm telling you because this is the lessons.

That's why you're supposed to experience this. This is how you're... That's what you go through. Right. But I could save you the aggravation. Right, right. Because I wouldn't want experiences ever again. So you're at one club getting paid.

Whatever you're getting paid. $50 a set. Right. $75 is set to feature. in those days and between the shows you know because you're a feature so you're offstage at 8 30 the other show starts at 830 so you have to get in your car and drive to the and then be back for the 10 30 show the feature oh my god for me being the pig that I am I called all jokes aside didn't know my way around Detroit you know

who knows nothing right why mind your business right you know this town now that Yeah, but the girl will tell. Forget the fucking girl. Forget the girl in the fucking eighth of GPS. I ain't going nowhere. Here's driving around Detroit. So I'm driving around Detroit, downtown Detroit at 7. Coked out of your mind?

No, no, no, no. I had two comedy shows. I was straight as an hour. I was showcasing at all jokes aside. So why would you set up a fucking showcase if you're working at the other club? Unless the other club doesn't have a Sunday night and your Sunday's open. Then you get a hotel room, you stay at the condo and you showcase. That's what you do.

I went against protocol. I got the showcase on the Saturday night. So I already ate a bag of Dix of Joey's. So here I am driving around to Trudeau on nothing. I finally get there, 20 to park, you know, because you ain't going to drive around for two hours. Right. You got a shirt on.

You didn't get out. You're showcased. You got to look good. So I had to, like, valet the fucking car running, and it was like 70s night. It was like a black 70s retro night. Oh, my God. And everybody was dynamite.

Everybody was cool. Like as soon as I walked in, the law, you know, like the nice jackets, people dancing. Then they're like, let's get this comedy club started. They had the whole thing. They had the DJ. I mean, it was a great little club.

And I don't know who I worked with. I can't even tell you. All I know is I went up there and just made a fucking asshole out of my... You bombed? With... I bombed with an Arab on my back. Okay?

So take a fucking terrorist, put a bomb on them, and then put them on my shoulders. That's how bad I fucking bombed. Because I was all fucked up. Yeah, because you were just running in. You didn't get a chance to set. You didn't compose.

You don't think about that. Everybody wanted to talk to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was I living in LA then? No, no, no, no, no. I was still in Colorado. I wasn't even in Seattle yet. That's how green I was.

That's how fucking green I was. I wasn't even featuring yet. She had, hoping in prayer. That's all you had. And I ran over there, ate a bag of dicks, And I remember walking out of there, nobody would make icons. The worst. And you always know when you didn't do well at a black club, you don't get paid.

No, there was not, no, they weren't going to pay me. They just stopped talking to me. If I have a good set, boom, I get paid. If I don't have a good set. No, no, it was a showcase. There was no money involved at all. This is me. I'm in town.

I'm a feature act. I like to showcase because I know you have two clubs. Yeah, come on by, brother. You know, okay. I figured I go down there, do 20, and they book you, that's two weeks of work. Who cares if it's a black club? I didn't give a fuck. I'm just looking to fucking work.

I was running. I was running. So I went in there and just ate a bag of dicks. I didn't even go up to the guy and said, I'll call you Monday. I know what time it was. Yeah. I can't be that stupid. I drove back to Joe.

He's named another bag of dicks, and that was the end of that night. So many bags of dicks. But now that's why you're a monster, dude. Well, that's what people do not understand. That drives me crazy. People think now and stand, oh, you do stand up for four years. You do stand, oh, what are you crazy? All I mean, there's a podcast.

I can make a... No, you don't. No, you don't, because you're doing all the wrong things for the wrong fucking reasons. I think you just miss out on the fun, too. Like, I mean, the learning of all the stuff I know in comedy now was I wouldn't trade for anything.

Nothing. No, the knowledge I've learned is un... You have to do it. Because if not, this will come back to bite you in the ass later. Dude, when I followed Brian Holtsman the other night, I was like, wow, dude. I've gotten good. Like that was a sign to me that I've done something because I've watched that guy annihilate rooms

and bury people. And I used to get so scared. There's a couple people that I know if I'm following, I got to gear up. You're one of them. You and what is their name? Lisa Lampinelli are the two worst bombs I've ever had. We're following you and Lisa Lampinelli one time.

To the point where I went in my car. car and I said, what am I doing with my life? Why am I doing this? And so I learned from all these things, you know, and it's just like to be able to file Brian Holsman the other night was two nights in row and do really well. I was like, wow, that's growth, dude. And that I had to go through so much to get to that moment. I've had to eat bags of dicks forever because what's, you know, edgy comedy's in, even though we got political correctness now. Edgy comedy's in now. When I started, It wasn't. People wanted to be like Seinfeld.

And I knew I wasn't Seinfeld. I had to do my own thing, which was like raw and real. I was in Vegas. I'll tell you, that's one thing I love about that scene, is that they're really raw and they're real. Political correctness isn't doing very well in the Vegas comedy scene, as far as I could tell. So, I mean, I learned the hard way.

I didn't really play. I played a comedy club one week before I went to Montreal. all and I bombed there because I just I tapped into something in my showcase and I I tapped in the showcase that I understand and I own now but I didn't know then and then they put me following Cory Holcomb at that time was a 20 year veteran I mean that guy's been doing comedy I think he opened for Jesus Christ Cory Holcomb he's been doing it that long and he's a killer now I could follow him no problem but back then bag of dicks dude I gotta remember something for the people listening life every day because bombing basically is 70% mental bombing is 70 to 80% mental and I just

learned this five years ago how long have I been back at the store yeah I think it's been like four or five years now four or five years I've learned this so this didn't come to me at the 20 year mark bombing is like anything else in your life that you go wrong you lost in your mind before you showed up. And how do I know? Because I was the king of bombing. Bombing. You were asked an interesting question before.

One of the time. I had met. Okay, so Joe's at the store. And one day during crossing, he said something to me, and I said something back, and we shook hands. And I knew him as Joe, and he would call me Joey. And then one day, we were both on the 405. How weird is that?

There used to be a club in Orange County. On Wednesday nights, it would get 400 people. It was a dinner theater. When I first got here, and they paid you $200 on a dirt. But it was rough. It was white people in Orange County with white hair. Still rough. Still rough.

And it was a dinner theater. So they went in there to get salmon and mashed potatoes or whatever the fuck it was. And you had to go up there. They only liked the headliner. The emcee and the feature always bombed. I'll never forget being in bump and a bumper of traffic and looking over to my left, and it was Joe Rogan. He had a super at the time.

And he opened up his window, and he goes, where are you headed? And I go, I'm going to Orange County and do a fucking gig, whatever, at some place. And he goes, you're not going to be at the store, and I got, nah. And he goes, you work another place? And I go, yeah. And he was like, wow. Like, he didn't really understand. And then one that I'm at the store on a Friday night, and I'm bombing.

I'm dying to slow death. At that time, I was going through a control issue. I want to learn how to control the audience. This is all that stupid white shit you bump into out here in your mind. It's just stand up. Just shut your fucking mouth. Right. Don't think.

Just shut your mouth. This was the time in my life when I got into it. You have to take long pauses to control them. And I went up there on a Friday night at the store dog, and I bombed from the beginning. It was just a long bomb. And I'll never forget at the 11-minute mark. I said to myself This is killing me

And Joe Rogan yelled You're killing me And I knew His voice distinctly And I didn't know how to react to it Like when I get off stage Do I say something to this guy And I go, you know what?

He ain't lying He ain't lying I'm dying up here I'm fucking this is a nightmare And I walked off And I saw him a week later And I went up to him like, hey man, that night you said that, you're right. You know, I was like, he goes, bro, that was brutal.

Something. And after that, I said to him, what show are you on? And he told me. And he was like so courteous. He goes, if you want, come watch a taping. And I was like, really? In those days, I used to go to our hobbies, were to go to politically incorrect when it taped on Woolshirt. Me, Stan out, Mitch Hedberg, we'd all go down there.

There was a bunch of us. In those days, they used to tape politically incorrect, like two-third in the afternoon. So if you weren't doing anything, K.P. Anderson was the warm-up. So you could call K.P. Wow. I'm coming down, put me on a list. You'd go into the audience, and then they would send you around a sheet of paper, comics or people you wanted to see on politically incorrect.

And we knew that Bill Moore hated Stanhope. Oh, why? So we would all put Stanhope on there and send it in and shit. This is just something you did to learn. Like, this is how cool it was then. Yeah. And you want to go see a show taping to learn. Like, you have to go to a show taping.

And I went to news radio, and the first time I sat in the audience. And Joe came over like a gentleman, and he said, is everything okay? And I go, yeah, he goes, if Captain Creepie bothers you, let me know. Captain Creepie was the fucking warm-up guy. And in Joe's mind, Joe didn't smoke pot then. But in Joe's mind, the guy was a rapist. so Joe would actually fucking say it like when I first met Joe he did not smoke pot I remember it was he was by the book he was anti pot right at that pot he was by the fucking book and I'll never forget him coming up to me and he had no matters like he was very fucking like he would tell blunt he's Boston right we very blunt and I never forget that he came up and he goes that you have

a good time yeah like I got and I went to one of the show tapings but he came up and he goes the guy was where Lee is and he goes don't let Captain Creepy fuck with you and then that night I go what do you call Captain Creepy and he goes that guy's definitely date rape people and if you looked at this guy he looked like a date raper like you didn't want to judge but when you looked at the guy the guy the year like this guy raped somebody he was so creepy like this guy was a professional warm-up guy that was just like out there like you know you knew, you know, and he would flirt with women, and he would try to get him up, like,

and he would disappear with some of them. So they were, and you had Andy Dick on the set. Oh, my God. So Andy Dick would come up to you and talk to you. So then I became friends with him, and he would invite me to the show, and they would put me on the floor. And I'll never forget that they had a thing for people,

and they had a box for NBC, and they had shrimp cocktails, prawns, the size of my fucking gorilla hand. I love that. I decided a thing like 200 shrimp and I walked in there and I just started eating shrimp and finally somebody went up to Joe and said who's that scary guy in the NBC room eating shrimp and Joe came on and like oh my god you're scaring everybody here with your leather jacket because I had this big gorilla leather jacket up but that's how we became friends from that's

awesome from that thing and then I was working Miami And he called you do in Miami At that time I used to do great And he called me And he goes where are you And I'm in Miami He goes fuck I'll be there next week And I go

I could stay And I stayed in the Chris McGuire Open firm at the time I just exchanged calls With Christ the other Chris is wonderful Chris is wonderful And I stayed in MC train

And that's how I got to meet them More and more and more And then over the years You know at the store You just built these store bonds that you see you you know the bond of a comic when when we really love each other is just one of the strong it's a gang like I got into this to be in a gang and I've never wanted to be in a gang you know I got into this to be in a gang I was very

disappointed with the Joe Rogan thing when I think went down at the comedy store and the people didn't back them that's when I started losing faith in comics I I didn't like that. That turned me off about comics. I don't feel that way anymore. That's a long time ago. But I didn't like that situation because it felt like comics were for themselves.

Someone made the wrong call on that one. Right. That was a bad move. We get a lot of bad moves. And, you know, I'm happy that he's back there. I'm back there. Oh, it's changed the place. I didn't get thrown out.

I walked out of it on my own accord. I just knew that the government was changing. I knew that I had already I had been there for six years no 97 it was 2007 I'd been there for 10 years if this was Michigan I would be out if this was Illinois's

I would be out if this was Boston he had the club owner would go Joey you gotta do something you're featuring you know there's nowhere to go where can you how much farther can you go so that's why I left the store before Joe throw now. I saw the writing on the wall. I saw the dickhead coming in with his new attitude and his new

regime and I was hearing little things and I said you know what I'm the type of guy that I'll end up getting into a fight down there and hitting him on the head or something and I end up going to jail I'm just going to stop going down there. It was a dark time I'm very thankful for it there but it was a dark time and I'm glad the jail went back and has been the resurgence of that place and now it's just this cooking with gas. You know, I look at you and I look at Joe and I look at a lot of people. Sometimes you have to leave the store. You have to leave.

One of the most important things in life is making sure nobody asks you to leave. I don't ever want to be in a situation. Since I was a kid, I always knew when I had to walk out of her room. I always knew when my mother was going to talk business. I always knew when men were talking business. I was never said, excuse us. I don't ever want you to tell me, excuse me. I should pick it up by the body language

and what's going on in the fucking room. And the same applies to life. You have to know when it's time to walk away. Yep. And stick to your guns and walk away and take your chances and go, that's it, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm going to become a comic. And for a year, I'm going to eat shit.

I'm going to drink ramen and live in my car. But this is what's going to happen. I can't, that's the transition between quitting your day job and becoming a comic. The first year is the hardest part you ever have in your life. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do in your life. Right. Saying, I'm not doing that no more. Yeah, cut in the umbilical cord.

It's scary. It's a very scary thought one day. I'm looking at somebody and going, I'm not doing this no more, bro. I'm doing comedy. And for 90 days, you make 300 a month. You better have those savings. And then the next 90 days you make 500, three months.

You start making 800 and 900, and then you keep steady at that. Because you get two weeks of work a month, 450, 500, you know, as a feature. Yeah. No plane ticket, you know, no plane ticket. This is 500, and the plane tickets 230 in those days. You're clearing 270, but you're doing what you love.

You're in a hotel room, you're eating, you're doing drugs, you're getting your dick sucked. It was a great, You're not working. I loved it. Once you decide, that's the scariest. All these moves are decision-making moves. But back to bombing.

Bombing is like anything. Bombing is like that field goal tonight that you saw. Unbelievable. He missed the first one. Did he not miss the first one? I didn't get the last game. He had a game where he had four times. He hit the crossbar.

Yeah. Like, he hit the crossbar tonight. If he hit it four times, it's stuck in his mind. Unbelievable. It stuck in your mind. You know, like when you see a, and I think that's what happened. They went to kick and they called a timeout.

Whenever you see a team call a time out, it's to make you think. When you have two free throws and you see a timeout being called, it's to make you think. It's to make you walk away and to make you think about what you're going to do

to give you time to realize what you're doing. We do our best work when you're unconscious. You know what I'm saying? Right. If I, you know, I used to work for a sports betting service, and I noticed that my best day is for Saturday.

the rest of the week I'd be sitting there like I should do. You know all my best days for Saturday? Because I'd do my last line at 6th in the morning. So I was going in there working off basics. Joey Deez, you live the most interesting fucking life. When you work off basics, you do perfect. It's like Jitsu. Why am I going to struggle with you if I know if I hold that thing right there?

That's specific time. You're going to go, whether you're 300 pounds or 30 pounds. You're going to go because it's technique. Sometimes you ever get fucking high and go on stage? You get stone to the gills and go on stage. Part of the fucking reason you do good is because you're stoned. Part of the reason you do well is because you're high because you're not thinking about it.

It's when you think about what you're about to do that things go bad for you. Yeah, when you overanaly it. You get to the store. I don't even, when they call you and they say, Grab a pen. Tuesday, 11.30, Wednesday, 12, 45. I don't even ask who's in front of me.

I don't want to know, and I don't need to know. It don't matter because it's my channel. Yeah. I made a decision that it's my channel. It doesn't matter. Now I'll follow anybody. It's a decision. It's a switch in your head.

It's a switch. And it takes years to switch it. It takes years. You'll lie to yourself and go, I got this. It takes years, too. It takes years to switch it. It takes years to follow Whitney Cummings and get the stink of Whitney Cummings off the state, not that she's stinky, the aroma.

It's just to follow Joe Diaz and get him on. You learn how to follow Paul Mooney and get a stink off the stage. Right, because there's no host. People don't realize. Everywhere else has a host, which Cleakings clean it up. And if someone crushes, they do a little time, so you forget about what just happened, so the new guy gets a new clean slate. You know, or if the guy bombed, the host goes up there, tries to get the ball rolling a little bit more.

Not at the comedy store. If someone just flamethroughed the room, you have to follow that. Frick Ingram in the main room, just crushed, you have to go in there and just like figure it out. But if you're sitting there, the last three minutes while he's crushing and you're thinking about it, you're going to die. Yeah, for sure. You're going to die. I'm dead on the inside. Do not go inside and say, let's keep it going for tram.

Tripoli didn't he do great Jesus Christ you're done just go up there fuck Sam Tripple if Sam Trippley destroys the room don't even mention Sam's name just go up down like I keep it going one more time and stop at that don't even say Sam's name keep it going one time and right from there you got to unleash a right fucking bomb a right overhead fucking bomb and another one and another one and then now you settled them and they got the compulsion they're like this motherfucker Yep. Ain't fucking around. And now that's it.

He went out. And if the first one doesn't hit, don't panic. The second one doesn't get dope. Just stay in the pocket. Stay in the pocket. Stay in the pocket. I see young comics do that all the time. Open up your leg.

Like you're about to throw a fucking bomb and let and I always say that. Once I get in the pocket, you're finished. The store is all about being in the moment. That is the biggest thing. It is like it's not a monologue, okay? It's what is going on right now. And that's what makes that role. so insane. And that's why Comedy Store comics are like no other because it's just like there is a

voodoo in that OR that it takes a long time to master. And once you do, you can pretty much go anywhere and just do really well. You know, it's just like get out of the, be in the moment, be in the moment. Don't overthink, okay? And just believe in yourself, right? And that's for me is what has really made me a great comic from that OR is that I'm so in the moment. I'm not, you know, I don't care what the guy did before me. I'm going to do me and I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to stick to my guns. And I know I have a million tricks that I can throw out there to sell this whole thing. And it's just the blessing of doing it over time.

And you know, yeah, would I love to made it earlier or if I've even made it at all, but loved to made it earlier? Yeah. But you know what? Things worked out the way they worked out. The way they worked out. And you have to accept it. Right where I need to be.

Keep slinging fucking dick. This is what you're saying does not apply just to stand-up. It applies to life. These things you're saying are the basics of life. Yeah. You know, and I don't want people to think, well, they're just talking about the comedy. So no, no, no.

I'm translating what the languages of comedy to life for you guys. So you guys understand what, that you're going through the same thing in your job. I failed so much early that. I don't take it personal anymore. No. And it's just like it's on to the next one. I don't celebrate the big things too much. No.

Because that too shall pass. And I don't take personal the fails. Dude, it's on to the next one. What is the next project? What is the next thing I'm working on? I don't worry about it. And I just celebrate whatever little things I have. Because those are the beautiful things, man.

If you know, you want to be Vince Vaughn or you want to be, you'll drive yourself crazy trying to do that. But if you're like, I'm going to be the best. I mean, dude, I flunk first grade home boy. My parents were looking for fucking receipts for store credit on me. You know, I was like, out the gate I failed.

And I just was like, I remember going, I'm not going to let to stop me and I just kept working, working, working, working. You know, I got, I was fired from like 15 day jobs. I couldn't keep a day job. Who could? Because all I wanted

to do is be a comic ban. Yeah, no. All I want, even before I knew what a comic was, that's what I wanted to be. I just wanted to be it. And I was determined to do whatever I could. And the things I learned early, like promoting, dude, you like, I was in Vegas when there weren't,

there wasn't, there was one open mic every other week. They wouldn't hire us to do shows at the comedy clubs there. We had to make our own time. And for like 24, 21 years now, I've been basically producing shows. And like now with the show at the

comedy juice of, I mean, uh, comedy chaos at the comedy store is just doing great. And that's like a long, a long journey to learn how to do that and to learn like to make money with, with people instead of off people and treat people like gold, man. You know, like those are things that I had to learn over time. And this quick fix thing that everybody wants, it's going to hurt you in the long run. Because you're not going to make the mistakes when nobody is looking. That's the beauty of it. When we're at the comedy store and there's 12 people in the OR and no industry's there, what a blessing that is to be able to bomb freely. You know?

And now the thing is just fire. You know, it's so crazy that this place that was just basically my coke and sex den is now like the mech of comedy. It's always been, but it's like really is now, you know? So it's it's sex den. I love it. I love it. No, no. I agree with, listen, man.

I got so drunk I walked 300 people in the main room at the comedy store What did you say? I just was I mean I came out wasted Way Tiffany Haddish that shit

You know I was wasted And the entire room just got up and left And she banned me for two days Was she there? Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh she was amazing

The first spot I ever got there I filed Charles Fleys and I died. I mean, I died. And I thought, well, I'm done there. And I got a call next day from Duncan. She wanted you to go up again. And that's what I knew that place was different.

It was like you could fail there. And I don't think people appreciate a good fail and how important it is. You know, it's the blessings. I tell people, the more knows you get, you're closer to a yes. Yeah. The more knows you get, you're closer to a year. I love when somebody says, no. because I'm one day away from winning the Academy Award.

It's just a fucking nod, you know. Boy, every time you hear it, no, no, they don't want you. Okay. No, they don't think you're right for it. Okay, no, they think you're too fat. They think you're too dirty. First of all, and I've got to disagree one thing with you. It's always, this town has always tried to be a little PC side.

And that's where I failed in this town early on, that I didn't adjoined to those rules and I wouldn't I wouldn't I still remember people coming to me and we really want you for this you need seven minutes clean

and I just tell them no off the bat I didn't even try there's times today I feel bad about that that I should have tried you know they always wanted me for that stupid fucking show at night what's the one that comes on NBC

at night Saturday Live? No, late, late night, every night it comes on. The black dude. He asks questions. Even after fucking the music guy, and they ask questions. And they always lead you into your jokes. Oh, comics unleashed.

You know how many fucking times they came to see me at the store and they would go, we need a clean set. And I'm going to go, they really want you. I can't know it. Like, I knew early on I wasn't going to be on Letterman Leno or Conan. Like, I made that decision. and even though Sinbad always said to work clean

because you could work universally and all that I appreciate that I do too but I'm from the Richard Pride disciple it's not me I do not have any interest in working clean I do not want to work clean and the shit that comes out of my mouth Lee knows it comes out of my mouth on a regular

yeah it flows like water and that's me too dude and that's who I am and that's who you have to and it's really hard to figure that out you have to challenge yourself against that do I change my set I saw 20,000 people

that changed this set and you know what RIP they're not here today yeah because they all want it to be Seinfeld or they want

be this guy the whole notion that if you try to work like Seinfeld you could have the success of Seinfeld is ridiculous Seinfeld is

where he is just like Sebastian Ascalco is where he is because that is who they are that is really them And that's why they shine because they're authentic to that.

If I did that, I would not be authentic to me. And I am where I am and I'm doing what I'm doing. But, dude, I wouldn't be selling out four nights at Masson Square Garden if I decide to work like Sebastian Masckelko. It works for him because that is him. You have to do you. You know, when you're showcasing this town, man, people just, you know, you're always like, oh, what are they looking for? They don't know what they're looking for. Go up there and do your favorite shit,

because that's all you can hit. They don't really know. That's all you can control. I've seen people bomb and get it. I've seen people crush and get told no. It doesn't matter. Just on to the next one. Do what makes you happy,

because at the end of the day is the only thing you can control. And that's just in life. Back to last week, because this was hysterical. I wake up one day last. week and you're going off on Judd-Appleton. That's not what this conversation is about. The conversation is about Louis C.K.

I'm going to get this out there just to, he got me a job one time. Have I ever eaten lunch at Louis C.K.? No, have I ever hung out with him? No. I don't know him. I'm not personal level. I worked with him. He was a head writer on Set of the Entertainer's Sketch Show on Fox 15 years ago.

and I put him up at the store on a Sunday night and he goes, I got a roll for you. In a few days, I'll call you, and he called. And I always respect him because of that. The next, you know, he's one of the biggest fucking comics in the world, and all these kids are telling you about Louis, Louis, Louis six years ago. And all of a sudden, you find out that in Montreal,

in 2001, he took his dick out in 2003. I don't know what year it was. And now it's just his big thing, something that he did 10 years earlier. And now it comes out, I know that he jerked off on the phone. He did all this crazy stuff. Whatever, whatever, whatever.

Okay. How long does it take before we forgive? What kills me is that the same people that put them up there are the same people that took them down. You can't get retro. You can't get a fucking offended retroactively. You can't. You guys literally, like, I don't know Lee's C.K. You know, he's never done anything for me, and I'm not that that means anything.

So I have no, I have no dog in the race. Have you ever had a conversation with him? I won't for like a brief second, you know, like I try to, when like famous comments go up, I try to give them their space at the store. You know, I don't really try to go up with, hey, how's going? I like, you know, I'm sure they're just in their head. It's never done anything for me. But I used to watch Lucke and I'm like, man, he is allowed to say some amazing things.

And he was great at it. I'm not taking anything away of it. great at it these people that allowed him to say all this stuff are now the ones acting like it is the end of the fucking world thank you okay I thought I was the only one that felt that way all these people are calling him out are all we're dying to work with him and my biggest problem with Judd Eptone I know this isn't it it's just like why don't you go talk to him man like why do you got to blast this guy on fucking Twitter man you're like you're like you used to work with this dude i mean like they all worked with this dude they all wanted to be in the louis

ck business and he got he got pulled into this me too shit with some very dark motherfuckers which i don't think he falls under now he may be sexually deviant who might have judged i'm a sexual deviant okay but you all want to work with them and if you don't think he's paying a price right now. Dude, he was the king. And now he can't go anywhere. And nobody's shown, and they're all being disrespectful because it's all this virtual signaling going on. And it's like all this bullshit. What happened last week? Let's go to the start is he was at governors and somebody taped the set. Yeah. And they released his set when she did some jokes about the Parkland shootings and the transgender people. and people went nuts.

And first of all, they recorded and put it out. They should not do that. That's not cool. And everybody go nuts on them about, hey, it's not funny to do this. Well, dude, he's not presenting it yet. It is a work in progress. He's not putting it on a special right now. This is him working out bits.

And, you know, at the end of the day, dude, the crowd decides what's funny and what's not funny. And they were all laughing. you listen to the talk yeah they were laughing man they loved it it's funny it's classic so some guy taped it and sent it the TMZ yeah that's how this whole thing started yeah and then you know and then all everybody comes out and they start lamb blasting him it's like dude if you don't think he's paid a price you don't think there's a punishment people like you should be in jail he's never what is the punishment for louis i don't know what do you think is that i mean what is the punishment for Louis who the fuck are we to decide yeah anybody's punishment you know he

would live in glass houses cast the first fucking stone i know i'd done some fucking six shit you know whatever it might not be in a sexual devian way but uh you know how long do we push these people away this thing that happened with louis happened when in 2003 yeah and it blew up when in 2016. Yeah. 13 years later. You know, I don't know. And then other people came out against Luke.

Yeah, and he jerked off on the phone or something like that. I mean, you could look at a lot of people. I mean, it's not just Louis. Chris Hardwick, the same thing happened. I mean, like, this guy gave so many people their first credits on at midnight. And when this chick came out with this horseship stuff about him being a, She didn't even say he did anything. He just said he was a bad boyfriend.

And dude, this town crucified him. But no, he didn't lose shit. No, they ended up bringing it back. But dude, why does he got to go through that? It's just, it's about heads on stakes and people trying to, you just see some people trying to use it to get PR for themselves. And that's going to piss some people off saying it. But it 100% believe this.

You know, there's some people who like gave interviews about, shit about this whole me too stuff they were fully involved in trying to get the career going now am i saying that men in this town aren't animals no 100% okay i've seen it i've seen it i've seen it i've witnessed men doing fucking crazy things we've seen listen man not the harp on it we've seen a lot of crazy things at the store yeah i've seen a lot as a comic i've seen things that are fucking repulsive I've seen women in different cities do things that are repulsive. I've heard of things. This is the comedy game.

People come out here and they don't know. They do not know. And it's just like... There's fucking sharks in these waters, and it's the last people you'd expect. You know, there's sharks. What about that girl from the store? The one that was shaved, she shaved Doug Susset.

Stanhope's balls on stage in Austin in 98. Oh, that's why Doug Stanhope was banned from Austin because he shaved his balls up on stage. Who was that? And the girl moved to San Diego. Great girl. I love to the death. Real cute. And her roommate was a gay guy that worked at the La Jolla Comedy Store.

Oh, um. But this girl was a, she grew up in a circus. Her father was a circus. Yes, yes, yes, yes. She traveled in a circus. Yes. Yes. So she knew some magic.

something she was not only a comic but she was a magician i used to go i used to work with her in Vegas she used to be a comic out in Vegas and then she came up here to do a magic show for a pilot for mbc like a like a like some type of entertainment things happened i gotta say 15 years ago her and i were friends and she was cute and she was young and then she went to new york for a while and she started hanging at sal's comedy hole when sails comedy hole got out And she was like a dog girl with Sal's. She would call me and say, if you're ever in New York,

I could get you spotted Sal's. Then she came back here, and she started working the magic, and she got into the... Amy. They put her in a hotel, the Magic Hotel. Magic Castle?

Magic Castle. And one of the guys raped her. She had a press charges and leaving LA, and she ended meeting a guy and getting married. That's awful. Idaho and the gay guy from the store is still her roommate in Idaho. He was in the house with them 15 years later.

I mean, there's been barriculars in this town. This is a disgusting town. There are monsters for sure. And if you're a woman and you have to know, you have to know, you cannot be that naive. This is what pisses me off. This is what makes me talk to my daughter every fucking day. Today we're walking back from the park and she's dicking around like, well, yo, you're going to turn six and two days. You got to knock this shit off. When you walk the streets, I need you paying

attention, Mercy. And she looked at it like, what are you talking? I go, you see behind that bush? Somebody could be fucking behind that bush. They don't understand, you know? Right, right, right, right. That's why showing narcos and shit like that, so she sees guns and shit like that. So she doesn't get it. Right. Because in her world, she's a kid, you know, she's not from my world. I'm not mad enough of that. But you have to fucking know where these people are coming from nobody in this town is that fucking nice i was just talking to a little girl at the store like christmas she said she came out here two years ago and then she was in the club but again and she didn't have a place to live and some guy offered her a house the guest house

and she could live there for free and he goes after two nights the guy would go out there naked and knock on the door what'd you expect what'd you expect right people nice no rent right he goes but the guy's wife lived right inside that's what you're dealing with yeah that's the animals you're dealing with yeah she said that she couldn't believe that he could see you could see the wife sitting in the living room watching tv and he'd be out there with his robe like like like up like showing him like like and she would say can you please close the robe and he go come on just let me in i'm giving you free rent she said she had to end this money she had to move right i don't even think she'd be telling me nobody rides for free dude yeah that was

rights are free in this time you know and i listen grass ass nobody rights are free in this fucking it is crazy it's hard on women for sure it's hard on everybody listen bro it's hard on everybody listen they killed maryland m'noree with dick yeah yeah they dicked her to death yeah they ran trains on her they were passing her they're dp in her before that was a thing messages to kennedy's demaggio sinatra she was the kennedy bike everybody's right It was and you know over the years You've seen it you know you've seen it you've heard little things you hear things yeah, and you hear a lot of things you don't want to hear I don't repeat them. I hear them I don't repeat them, but I hear them

You know the comedy store is a very Dark and sexual fucking Harvey-esque Type of place for a while everybody knows that you know But we're here We're queer. Yeah. I just love that you, I read what you said to him. And I have nothing against.

Listen, man, I have nothing against Judd Apetel. I don't like when people, I'm just going to say this, and this is me talking, I don't like when people use public forums to shame their own. Judd Apetal a long time ago, went on stage at a award show, and he destroyed Jerry Lewis. just destroyed him. Jerry Lewis had made comments. They didn't think women were funny. Jerry Lewis at the time, I think, was well into his 80s, if not 90s, but I'm pretty sure

80s. And Judd Appetel went on stage and fucking lay him up about being a male chauvinist pig and how you should respect female comedy. And I thought, man, why would you do that to a fucking legend? And then, like, two weeks later, girls comes out. And, you know, I just don't think. that's what comics should do to comics and I don't have anything against Judd Apatow but I just don't like that man you used to run with this guy dude

you play the club he plays go talk to him man say something to him he'd like dude you're Judd fucking Apatah you're an 800 pound gorilla dude you can show up to any comedy show and go up whatever the fuck you want you knew this guy man go up and say something, dude. Be like, hey, man, listen, I know I've been fucking going off on you. I want police to say, listen, dude, you got to address. That's the big thing.

Everybody wants him to address it. But they don't understand that this is a process. He isn't presenting it yet. And maybe he's just trying to get the confidence to talk about, to get back to where he was. Well, he wrote right that he was a hack with what he was talking about. What do you give a fuck with it? How can I?

And I get what you're saying. Go talk to him. There's a lot of comic beeps. I get what you're saying. He was doing it out of Hollywood measures. Yeah, virtue singlinges. That's what it's called? You know, and it's kind of weird in a way to do.

But I'm not mad at Louis. You know, I'm upset because he was a talented guy. And I don't know. I just don't like that all of a sudden we have this power. to judge how long we could hold somebody down. You do something wrong? Press fucking charges and go to jail. You know what?

I did something wrong. And I did my time like a man. I could have ran to Nicaragua and ran a Hertz car rental place. I was a Hertz trainee. I could have done a thousand things. At the end on there, I looked at the moon. I go, you know what? I'm going to pay my debt because this is my debt for all the other things I did.

Now I'll be carnically saved. I did my fucking time. And I did my time. If you want to call me a fucking kidnap, or I robbed somebody or a thief, be my guest. It doesn't hurt my feelings. I did my time,

and I walked out of there a fucking man. I really did. I walked out of a man. It was that last push to become a man. I understood my position in the world now. I understood what I had to do to get somewhere. Did I have the balls to even make that jump? I was, you know, 20-something fucking years old,

when I got out 28 years old. Did I have the balls? It took me two years to get on stage. Two years. You want to talk about procrastination and being a fad? Which is fear. Fear is a motherfucker. Fear, dude.

But if you didn't press, if nobody pressed charges on Lewis C.K. Formal charges in front of a judge or whatever, then it's up to society or Lewis C.K. To make this right. I've had this discussion on here before. That how long does a person have to pay to society? but I don't know you dick Sam and you don't know me dick I believe in second chances

I don't even sure if there wasn't second I've had second third fourth and fifth chances man the best way to see if he's learned a lesson is the you know there's no saying give person enough rope they'll hang themselves right I love it let him see what he does let's see if he's changed man

now I'm gonna tell you something the people not calling him out are Julia and And Dana, the two girls that happened to, they haven't done any of this. They haven't gone after them. Dude, that article, they left out a lot of information that they had said that because it didn't fit the narrative that everybody wanted. Okay. Dana and Julia had a wonderful career.

Where are they? They're just, they had an animation on TV. They sell scripts. They're wonderful people. They're two super funny people. They didn't ask for this. They didn't cause this. They didn't want that.

They told me this story like 10 years before it blew up. And all these people, man, there are come on. And like, I don't want to get names because it's your show. But there are people who made hundreds of thousands of dollars off Lou C.K. Right now that are fucking annihilating him. You knew what he was. You knew who he was. And you took the cash and prizes.

You knew who he was. How do I know that? Because I knew who he was and I was just a late night dick joke comic at the comedy store. Okay? You knew who he was and what he was doing and you took the cash and prizes.

You can't retroactively fucking be like, oh, he's a bad guy. You knew who... There are people who have careers right now because of Lewis C.K. All right? Now, this whole thing that they're trying to lump him in

with Bill Cosby and, with fucking Weinstein. He's not that. Listen, he jerked off in front of these girls. Now, he asked for permission from what I understand. And people can come, he asked for permission. Right there, he is not Bill Cosby.

Okay. Now, people want to keep saying he raped people. He didn't rape people. He jerked off in front people. That's not rape, man. And how do I know that? Because it happened to me, dude. I was at the, when I went to college,

91, at you and LV. was at the book at the library, went upstairs, went down this one aisle, this huge black guy, just fucking slow stroke in it, dude. And I was like, holy fuck, and I walked, and I ran back to my hotel. I will tell you today, I did not get raped, okay? It was fucking creepy. It wasn't fun to go through. Really fucking sucked.

Okay? So we're trying to put him in with these fucking people that that's not him. Now he's shutting door, everybody's bringing, it's just some weird, fucking shit. Everybody wanted to fucking head on a stake. That's what that Me Too movement. And now it's gone. Where's the Me Too movement? Where is that? Oh,

well, because everybody in the left was getting taken out. That's why I fucking stopped. They were taking out their own fucking people. Where's the Me Too movement? Did guys just learn to be respectful? No. I know it's hard to be a female comic. There's also a lot of

fucking perks to be in a female comic. There's less of you. okay social media if you're attractive you get more likes more followers all that shit right then that helps for getting booked on the road that helps in this day and age of getting agents there are perks comedy's fucking hard man it's hard for everybody some people think they just don't walk right to their dreams it's because they're being held back by group it's not like that man it's a hard business if it was easy everybody would be doing it and now it seems like everybody is doing standing up, you know? But it's it's just like, dude, I don't know what this guy has to do to fucking

be given a second chance. You know, he helped a lot of people. And I know he was a sexual deviant. You know? Yeah. We're not, comics. Comedy is how much money you make off your mental illness, okay? That's what it is. The more mentally ill, the better the comic you are. He deserves a second chance. And if you don't think having everything stolen taken away from you, not stolen taken away from you, the way he has, we went from the king

of the hill to public enemy number one. It's a fucking a punishment. And at least two girls never called the cops, never sued them or anything like that. There's been no see, I didn't know all this stuff. Little by little.

It's like I knew, but I didn't want to know. They didn't. I had heard that. I had heard that. Listen, how long was the Cosby show on for? Let's take that, for example. They all knew that, too. I got a lot of heat. I got a lot of shit a couple weeks ago for saying something on the Rogan podcast. But I'm not lying to you.

It's the truth, I know. Eight years for that one, and then there was another one after it, wasn't there? All right, so let's go to Cosby for eight years. You know, all these rapes, a lot of the rapes, they talk about the trailers. they talk about they went to the trailer and he raped him. Lee, you're no fucking criminal. You're a nice guy. You got jury duty tomorrow.

Do you think if somebody was at NBC for eight years and all those women that complained that they got raped in a fucking trailer, you think NBC ever got a win to this? What do you think all those years just stopped that? A chick getting raped in the trailer, waking up going to see? they knew it. Well, didn't it come out like that people were bringing people to him or if it wasn't him, maybe it was Weinstein. The stories kind of get mixed up. Weren't agents bringing people to Weinstein. I think Weinstein. I'm just focused on NBC. I mean, you don't think NBC knew.

It was the biggest show on TV. The biggest show on TV. This guy, you know, I have to look into this before I could talk. I don't have the time. I don't have the time to look into how many chicks he raped on a set or how many of them said they got abused by him on a set. I know there was a lot of fucking women, guys. There was a lot of women involved in the Cosby case. And where there's smoke, there's definitely five. For sure, dude. Okay, now, they threw Cosby in jail.

Now, let's talk about Harvey Weinstein. One thing Harvey Weinstein got is Deep Pockets. It's on the Rogan podcast, and a lot of people got upset. me he's got Benjamin Bradman Benjamin Bradman's a fucking savage but guess what when they set a child date

that all changes when they what set a trial date that all changes he fires Benjamin Bradman oh no he won't fire Benjamin Bradley be stupid to fire Benjamin Bradman he'd just add two women to counsel

he's gonna get a minority and a white barracuda I'd like to say she could be Jewish, but I don't think so. It's going to be a white chick and an Asian chick or a black chick. And he's going to have to hire a property. He's going to get the Verizon Wireless commercial, one of everything. One of everything. And he's going to go in there like O.J. did. And he's going to get off with sexual misconduct. He might do six months in county jail. I'm telling you this right now. Those are the hardest things to prove, especially,

you get a woman asking questions in the trial some chick that's a fucking bitch that had 20 abortions that don't give a fuck about another don't give a fuck she's aborted them themselves with a hangar she's got co-hangers still in the vagina she's got hangers she's like she don't give up that's what Harvey's gonna hire one of those

chicks that's gonna call these bitches out the best money to buy break it down for me when did he rape you ha and listen I have a daughter I was raised by a single mom I love women you know this is the realities of life these are the realities of this country we already got a pigeon.

We already got Cosby. We set our mark with Cosby. Okay, we gave Cosby what, 20 years, life? What did he get? I thought it was only a couple years, but he's so old. Yeah, he's going to die in fucking prison. He can't see me. He's already getting fucking meats thrown at him.

Is he? Yeah, he did a joke. Somebody threw meat at him. Three to ten. Three to ten. He'll get three. Because of his old age. But three is really a year and a half before he comes back for reconsidering.

and they pay a ton of money. I think he just went in there with the wrong representation and the wrong attitude. If you go in there for a rape case, you've got to show up with three women, especially if you've got deep pockets like that. No, good point, dude. One of each.

And that's exactly what Harvey's going to do Benjamin. You could see it already. You could see what Benjamin Brathman asked for. It's a setup. He asked for a dismissal of all charges. You've got to be crazy. But he's already asking because he's letting him know, listen, I'm going to spare you

a lot of drama. And all these chicks, all these chicks got to come in and all these attorneys are going to fry them. And guess what? They're going to hire prosecutors and they're going to want to list every guy you slept with in the last 10 fucking years. And they're going to talk to those guys and that's a

lengthy process. This is a process. And the lady, that lady that holds the scales, that bitch got a blindfold on. Sandra Bullock. And that's why, right? That bitch got a blindfold on. So, like, I feel bad. I have a daughter.

All I can do is educator and prepare for barracudas. Right. Like that. That's all you're doing. You have a kid. Right. Prepare them for the evils of the fucking world in the best way that you can, you know. I'm happy that you said something and I'm happy that.

Well, you know, again, Judd, I just at the end of the day, we're comedians, dude. And we should, like, when you start telling people that these are jokes we shouldn't do, and you're that big. You are affecting people like me where I'm not like the biggest comic in the world. You know, I'm blessed if any clubs let me play. I mean, I'm playing. I'm working.

I'm working more than I ever have. But I'm blessed if anybody lets me play, right? But you empower the meek. They see you saying, oh, this is, you can't do these jokes. So now they go to comedy clubs and they're going to sit there and then they're going to get offended because they don't like the joke.

And either they're going to start yelling and screaming and disrupt the show or they're going to go complain to the manager because they just didn't like a joke because Judd Apato said that's lazy, blah, blah, blah. And it has real effect on that, man. You know, it's like I get maybe that you didn't like the subject matter or maybe you don't like Louis CK as a person. But as a comedian, you should fight tooth and nail to be able to say whatever you want as an art.

Even if you're not the edgy, I don't care if you're a prop comic. I don't care if you're a fucking a cruise comic you got a fight to be able to say whatever you want because you never know what's going to piss the mob off they went after Melissa Vio-Signior the nicest human being on the fucking planet

they went after her when she was trying to get on Saturday Live I jumped in the mix on that that's what I do I love fucking doing it because I don't give a fuck anymore I'm so happy where I'm at I don't give a fuck about the industry. I don't give a shit about any of that stuff. I like...

So when they go after my friends, I like to go and, like, just go straight up whack a mole, dog. You know? Get in there and just start fucking jacking fools. And they were trying to say she's a racist. I'm like, she's the nicest person ever, and she bangs black guys. I mean, like, I don't know what is more not racist than the, you know, the bang a black guy, okay? Why are you going? And like, now she's killing it on the show.

But they wanted her head on the... state. You have to push back. It's like, dude, they're applying rules to comedy that they don't apply anywhere else. I mean, look at, look at like murder. Murder is a giant entertainment thing. My favorite murder. Wonderful podcast. Number two podcasts. That is making money and that is comedy off of death. I don't get it. And women love murder. Every commercial on fucking, the first First 48 is fucking Tampas commercials. Because women love murder. But yet you're telling me, like, I can't do a joke.

You're watching a murder podcast that is having fun with somebody dying. And it's a great podcast. And they should do it. What podcast is it? It's called My Favorite Murder. It's the number two podcasts on iTunes. It's a great show. I'm not trying to say.

What is it about? They just basically break down, I guess, like, every, like, they just talk. about murder cases and people love that shit women love murder because it's like the ultimate form of emotion right but it's like what's like if you hate entertainment that's mean that and if you belittle a situation uh it could have real world ramifications then why do you go to horror films horror films people get murdered or slashed and killed in everything but you go there to be entertained Why do you do that? Murder is real.

Nobody's ever gone to a comedy show and went on a crime spree. All right? It just doesn't happen. Lighten the fuck up. Just because you don't like a joke doesn't mean it's offensive. Move on. And I do a bit right now. If you get offended by jokes, your life's going too easy.

You got it too fucking easy. I don't even give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I really don't give a fuck What jokes don't you want me to do I'm doing jokes on them I don't even think about it And you know it's working dude

The pushback is happening The meek It's these betas It's all fucking betas Don't even get me started On fucking trust fund kids in Hollywood It's all beta bullshit I don't

I don't really give a fuck About audiences When I go up there That's the only way You can be a successful cop You're offended good You're a lie That's an emotion.

That's an emotion. Enjoy it. You come to one of my shows and you get upset. You're never going to, because you wouldn't be listening to the podcast, but it's just really crazy that I don't. After I shot the Netflix special, I made that decision on the plane ride back from Vegas. That I was done. Hard in the pain, dude.

I'm done. I don't give a fuck. I've been doing it for 20. I earned my stripes. I'm saying whatever the fuck I want to say. You don't want to come to the show. Don't come to the show. Switch the channel.

I'm fine with that. I'm a big boy. Yeah. I'm a big boy now. I'm fine with that. Comedy is the only thing that everybody's supposed to like it. Music, movies. I think for the first 10 years of my comedy career,

I used to get kind of jealous if you said you liked Sam Tripoli or something. And one day I go, what do I give a fuck? What do I give a fuck? I mean, if you like a good comic, I'm willing with you. If you tell me you like Gallagher, trust me, I won't call you back. You won't get a call back from me ever. You know, like if you don't like a comic, I don't think it's funny. I'm not goofing on Gallagher.

You know, I love Gallagher. You know, I love Gallagher fucking slicing tomatoes and shit. Dude, he had some great jokes. Yeah, but no. And just saying that my worries when you're not a fan of comedy now, when you don't know who what comedian is, I've got to ask yourself, you know, or you think a TV show is the funniest thing you've ever saw in your life, like a scripted show on NBC.

I can't talk to you. Or any other network for that sense. I couldn't agree more. like a PG show or something i can't fucking agree with you it's just becoming its own weird kind of like like mainstream entertainment's just becoming its own weird niche now and the internet has allowed us to go peer to peer and they get rid of this kind of suits that would determine what we would say and now people are getting the truth and they prefer it much yes you'll always have people who love america's got talent you know it is what it is it's great

God bless them. Okay, it's not for me. But the more and more people are coming to what we like. And they like, dude, I was watching Brian Holstman last night again. And I was watching people going crazy for him. And I'm like, oh, comedy's starting to change. They want the truth. They're tired of the whiners and the crying and the, and, you know, that guy in Columbia.

Like, dude, he's playing a giant room of people. Three people decided the end is set. three for the whole room the whole room went up to him and apologized them after because three people felt that they had the power and they're meek motherfuckers

okay you don't like a joke fuck it move on okay move the fuck on there's another joke coming I got jokes for days on everything you'll get what you come for okay

did they get mad at the same Parkland jokes specifically. Yeah, I think there was more about how like this, these kids are now parading all over the place and, you know, and they're trying to make, oh, it's like, trust me,

that David Hogg is, you're not punching down on that kid. And I hate that punching down, which is a white chick tour. White chicks say, hey, check your white privilege and punching up. They love it because they hear it's a,

but just a sickness that's put out in the mainstream media. and they hear it and they just regurgitate it later. And it's just ridiculous, punching up or punching down. You don't know me. You don't know anything. You don't know who's up and who's fucking down. Right? Go fuck yourself.

You don't know where I've come from or how hard I had to fucking work to check my white privilege. Dude, I've been pulled over fucking 20 times by the LAPD, dude. What? Am I bad driver? Is it racial profiling? I don't fucking know. It sucks. It sucks for everybody.

Is there a fucking institutional racism in the law? Yes, there is. But dude, it sucks for everybody. Stop with the fuck. And it's white chicks, dude. They just love to go fucking nuts. They just love they get offended on other people's behalf. You know, if like you do joke about midget,

they're like their cousin was a roommate with a midget in college. And if they were here, they'd be fucking offended. Right? Always. Always. I used to a Chinese guy I opened the show on the road I go

Before the show me and the other comics We prayed the comedy gods Please help us make white women over 40 laugh Because that's the number one demographic For wanting to talk to the management And I kind of like nip it right there Nip it And you see him just kind of walk off

With their you know K plus eight haircut That they got a super cuts You know So what you don't like a joke Who gives a flying fuck? I don't like every song written by everybody of the bands I love. There's some annoying songs.

It doesn't matter. Do you tweet at them and tell them I don't like your song either? No. What the fuck of you to fucking... You don't like the song, don't listen. Don't listen to Led Zeppel. What are you bothering me for? That's what I do.

You don't hear me complain on. Yeah. Oh, the music today. You know, I'll listen to Led Zeppel. Yeah. I don't even know what the fuck is going on anymore. I don't care. I have my own music.

I have a fucking cat. A catalog of music that I can dip into. I go from the Allman Brothers to Barbarati. I don't even need to. I don't give a fuck. I don't know nothing. I don't know about the word woke. I just found that out.

This punch and I don't know nothing. You know why? Because I don't give a fuck. Yeah. That's a beautiful place to be. I have not giving the fuck now. Be in the moment. I care about that kid.

I care about doing a good job on stage. And that's it. If you don't like my shit. What can I fucking tell you? Move the fuck on. Trips. You have any dates coming up? Yes.

Next Tuesday. Next Tuesday. It's comedy chaos double feature. 8 o'clock and 1030. Joey D. is Joe Rogan. Whitney Cummings. Chris Spencer, myself, Eddie Bravo at 8 o'clock. And then the 10. 15th.

Oh, Joe Rogan, of course. And then the 1030 show is myself, Eddie Bravo. Brandon Shaw, Brian Callan. Michael Rapapore and who else is on there? Oh, Theo Vaughn. So that's it. And then 19th, I'm in New Jersey. I'm in Morris Plains, New Jersey.

I am doing the, I'm doing Tiffs, Al House, and I'm super excited. I have some great openers coming out. That is January 19th. You can go to samtripple.com to get those dates. And then also my special Armageddon and Zero Fox are a very very, available on Vimeo. Just put in Sam Tripoli and you find them. Dude, it's $1.99 to rent, $2.99 to own.

I know everybody's fighting for a dollar, so I made it cheap. I just want people to, you know, to check it out. So the word is out. The kids love it. It's, you know, everybody said nice things about it. Thank you for being a hustler. I love you, dude. Thank you for being a hustler.

Thank you for sticking this out. It's been a long 20 fucking years. still here. Every year I'm like hey dude this is the year but finally if I got a little traction. Who gives a fuck? I'll be in Libreia Improv at the end of the month from the 24th to the 26

get your tickets now. It's a big place but it's going to sell out and besides that I love you motherfuckers. I want to thank Sam Trippley again I want to thank the number one Christ killer in the world and I want to thank you guys for being the best fucking family and man to the fucking have. All right I want to thank Sammy Trips I want to thank the flying

motherfucking Jew, but most importantly, I want to thank you guys. And I also want to thank our sponsors. I want to help them out. They help us out. Here's the deal, all right? Forhims.com. You're like, Joey, what are you talking about? Listen, 66% of men lose their hair by the age of 35.

The thing is, when you start to notice hair loss, it's too late. It's easier to keep the hair you have than to replace the hair you've lost. So if you see that hairline, slowly starting to move, backwards. You see any ball spots? Now is the time to go to 4hims.com. You're like Joey, what's 4 hymns? Four Hems is a one-stop shop for hair loss, skin care, and sexual wellness for men.

All right? Hems connects you with real doctors and medical grade solutions to treat hair loss. Well-known generic equivalents to name brand prescriptions to help you keep your hair and your sexual wellness. There's no snake-all pills or gas station counter-supplements. These are the prescription solutions backed by science. No waiting room, no awkward person doctor visits. You save hours by going to forehems.com. It's easy. You answer a few questions, the doctor review it,

and then they prescribe you whatever you need. Products are shipped directly to your door. You don't have to go to the pharmacy and be embarrassed, nothing like that. This is between us. Go to forehams.com right now. What I'm going to do is this. The church family gets a trial month of four hymns for five hours. That's right. Five hours. This type of treatment will cost you thousands if you went to a doctor or a pharmacy. Not at Four Hems. It's going to cost you five hours right now while supplies last. See the website for full details. Like I said, this would cost you hundreds if you went to a doctor or pharmacy. I'm going to save you money starting off the new year. So go to Forhims.com slash Joey. That's fourhems.com slash Joey again for the cheap seats.

That's forhams.com slash Joey. The church is also brought to you by one of my all-time favorites, ZipRecruiter, and I'll tell you why. You're going to kick off the 2019 by planning out which roles your business needs to hire for. You know what else is smart? Starting the new year off strong by going to ZipRecruiter.com slash church. Why? Because you want to hire the right people to take your business to the next level. Unlike other job sites, ZipRecruiter finds quality.

candidates for you. It's powerful matching technology scans thousands of resumes to identify people with the right skills, education, and experience. And activity invites them to apply to your job. So you get qualified candidates, Rapido. That means fast in Spanish. That's why ZipRecruiter is rated number one by employers in the U.S. The rating comes from higher insights on trust pilot. with over a thousand reviews.

So what I'm going to do for you right now is this. The church family can try ZipRecruiter. You ready for this? Free. F-R-E-E-E-F-R-E-E-E-F-R-R-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-C-R-E-E-E-E-E-E-R-C-R-E-E-E-E-R-C-H. Grab that fucking. Zip-R-R-R-E-E-E-E-E-E-R-C-E-R-E-R-E-R-C-E. If you love the show, show your support.

You need to hire good people. You need to have good people in your corner. and ZipRecruiter will bring them to you. So again, go to ZipRecruiter.com slash church. I want to thank ZipRecruiter. I want to thank ZipRecruiter. I want to thank my people over at Annet.com for making my... Just for starting the new year off with a bang with the protein powders and the Mexican chocolate, which is delicious. Just go to Onet.com right now and press in.

Church! And get 10% off delivered right at the house. I want to thank all our sponsors, anybody who's reached out to us. But most importantly, I want to thank you guys for listening. and it's the beginning of the year, guys. This is it. All fucking, the gloves come back on and we're going to fucking fight.

It's over. Write your goals down, focus, and let's make 2019 the best year yet. I love you motherfuckers with all my heart. Like I said, I'll be Embrae from the 24th to the 26th of January. Besides that, I ain't doing dick. I'm just doing the podcast and stand up around town.

I love you guys. I'll see you Thursday morning, bright and early, ready to fucking kick the world in the balls. By the way, tonight, we're not closing with Tony Bennett. I heard this song, the other night when I was on date night with my wife, and I can't believe it's such a brilliant song. I think it was written by the same guy who wrote Lady and Lionel Richie did it. I just wanted to switch it up.

It's not the wrong podcast. You got the right podcast. The church of what's happened now. See you, motherfucker. It's Thursday morning. Ready to rock. Stay black. I love you.

And that's it. I have a great fucking week back. That's it, motherfucker. fuckers the holidays are over wash your pussy it's time to get back to work take that fucking meal leave it's just a more you said you never need i wonder if you so still