The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #651 - Jake Ellenberger #2

Episode Date: January 22, 2019

Jake Ellenberger, a retired UFC fighter and Marine, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. Joey wanted to bring Jake back after his last visit didn't go as planned. This podcast is brought to you by: Stamps.com -  Use code JOEY for a 4 week trial which includes postage and a digital scale. Go to Stamps.com, click on the Radio Microphone at the top of the homepage and type in JOEY. ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   Recorded live on 01/21/2019.


Greetings from Podcastville. It's Tuesday, January 20-something. Who gives a fuck? It's your day to get up there and get out there and let these motherfuckers know who they're dealing with. The church is brought to you by stamps.com. Listen to me. You want a New Year's resolution that actually you can keep,

stop wasting your time going to the post office when you could send letters and packages right from your desk at home. Do it today with stamps.com. Listen, I've been using Stamps.com. My wife and I for the last five or six years. That's how we send our t-shirts out. That's where we turn the mugs out. They are tremendous.

Do you understand me? If you're not on Stamps.com, it's a no-brainer. You're not saving time. So what I'm going to do is this. You can use Stamps.com because it's a no-brain. It saves time and money. Right now, they've got a special offer. What they're going to do is give you a four-week trial

plus postage and a digital scale to start your new year off right. Get your trial today. Do me a favor. Go to stamps.com and click at the microphone at the top of the home page and use promo code church. That's stamps.com and enter promo code church. And start sending mail like a doctor with stamps.com.

Also, I want to welcome to the church, one of my personal favorites, zip recruiter. Why? Because it's how you hire people that's smart. You want the right people applying for your job. You know what's not smart? Job boards that send your candidates that aren't qualified for the road you posted. You know what's not smart? Job boards that send you a mile high stack of resumes to sort through.

But you know what is smart? Going to ziprecruiter.com slash church. Again, that's ziprecruiter.com slash church to hire the right person. And right now, the church family could try zip recruiter for free. You hear what I just said? Free. Free, free, free, free. by going to ziprecruiter.com slash church.

If you love the show and you want to show support, do me a favor. I don't care how big or small your businesses. Go to ziprecruiter.com slash church. That's ziprecruiter.com slash church. A smarter way to hire. Kick this fucking mule, Lee. Tuesday, January, 22nd, or something like that. You got your credit card bills, you're sitting there depressed, the holidays ain't shit,

now you're broke, and now what do you got to do? You got to sit there like a fucking mud. Thank God you got the church for what's happening now, and a little biggie small for a Tuesday morning. Rocking you motherfuckers. What? Mark Post, Martin Luther King Day. I was a express.

I was 70-something, nigger, I don't sweat today. My mom was late, so I had the plan my estate out. Skins in this world the flag now. We got a fucking joke. We got Nate. Jake Ellenberger in the house. Talk about Beanstone. Just saying, and this is the clean Jake Allenberger.

So, you sad, don't even think of coming over here. You got the Christ killer. And you got your fucking Uncle Joey on a beautiful Tuesday morning. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? I hope you enjoyed the weekend. I hope everything is all right. We got my man, Jake Ellenberger here. Part two, part one.

He smoked a refrid. And he didn't remember where he was. How did you feel, Doug? I felt like, I was like, I was like, Oda Mae. I was talking to Patrick Swayze. I was fucking, I was on a. And it looked like he were getting higher and higher and higher. And just to clear the air, there was no edibles involved.

It was one bond. And what people don't realize is that the shit I'm getting now is like a bunch of white chemists getting together and stuff These little geeky guys are getting together and every day they try to make it one more percent it stronger and I'm their guinea pig And if I'm there guinea pig and you smoke it with me it looks like you're that guinea pig We're the mice of the 80s Remember when they used to give cocaine mice? That's the same thing we're the same thing we're smoking heavy duty out of it Getting fucked up to the gills and Now that I don't do that much atibles,

like I ate two little things last night and I slept like a baby. Because I gotta tell you, when you don't eat edibles, your sleep goes to shit, at least for me. I go right back to where I was, inconsistencies. But when I eat edibles, I sleep like a fucking baby. I sleep like a baby, and when you wake up,

there's no hangover. Sometimes there's a little bit of a hangover, but you take a shit, you drink some coffee, you do a bong it, and you're back. Like you're balanced, all your shock. are open you're ready to take the day by the balls and spit in its face you know I'm saying there's something about your weed too that it has a time-delayed release like I think that's what it was is Jake was fine yeah Jake was fine

whatever they're doing at the plant or whatever like it's delay release it's crazy and it gets worse and worse listen I came here on a Sunday one day just to clear the air with people ever since I cut the edibles out I'm getting higher higher sometimes you gotta hear me at midnight lee how high do I sound at midnight some nights oh my I don't think you remember talking to me sometimes I swear to God I get back from doing comedy and I go in that bathroom and this times I'm in there for 10 minutes and I throw that pipe up three or four times and I'm like what am I doing with my life yeah and then I'll go out and I'll put music on and I'll just sit there and stare at my daughter's drawings and I'm like

What the fuck? And I'll call Lee. And I'll forget, because what happens is, this is what really happens. Before I go on stage, I get so much fucking anxiety. While I'm taking a shower to go on stage at the comedy store, I get so much fucking anxiety. So as I walk out, I take one of those 0.25 little faggy Xanaxes

that they give you the anxiety pills. And I put them in my top pocket. This is what happens to me. And I go down to the store. And as soon as I walk in the store, the anxiety starts hit me. So I pop one of those pills. And then I go to the original room. I go on stage and I'm fine.

And I don't feel the effects of the pill or nothing until I start driving up the hill. So once my adrenaline goes down, the pill kicks up. I figured it out. I go, this is the only thing that could be affecting me. I don't drink alcohol. But there's nights after I call Lee, my speech slurs like there's nights I get that stoned

you don't slur with me you just sound really really tired I'm like why is he so tired it's because I've done eight fucking pipefuls of weed by myself in a bathroom with the locks closed and I got no ventilation in that I won't open up the door in case there's a raccoon back there that I had to fight a fucking raccoon wait wait you're just in a closed bathroom

I thought you had it open oh I sit there like a Jew in Auschwitz by myself getting steamed to death and I just sit there in that room and I smoke weed and I open the door and I have to close it real quick so the weed smell doesn't go in the house for my daughter's birthday I had to fucking put incense in there I had to wipe down the walls it didn't help at all there

my wife goes you can't take the smell of weed out of here these kids are going to come in here they're going to get stoned to the gills we had to mock the floor times there was more weed on that fucking floor than most weed stores Oh my God. And I clean that bathroom twice three times a week. You clean the corners out.

There's weed everywhere in my bathroom. I get fucking tanked at night. I go home now and I get higher on the weed than I do on the edible sometimes. It happens quicker. Yes. This weed was smoking down. That thing that happened to you that day, that was no spike. Nobody put nothing in your water.

Yeah. That was basically one bonk in. It's a three-foot bung. Let's not forget that, okay? It's a bong with authority. That bong will fucking kill a human person. That's not a regular bong. That's not for regular people.

Right, right. But I came here about a month, maybe five weeks ago. I trained because Sundays my wife goes to church. So I got a three-hour window. So I try to write something, train, and maybe go to cryotherapy by the time they get back And then I sit with my daughter. Sometimes I do a podcast.

Sometimes I just watch movies with my daughter. And last night she opened up a salon and she dyed my hair pink. It was tremendous. Then I washed it off and she saw me on the way out. She got pissed off. How are you feeling, man? I'm just thinking about you dying your hair pink. She died it, pink.

What am I going to do? She's the boss. I do what you got to do. I least she's opening up businesses. She sat me down. She had an appointment book. No, she didn't. Yes, she did. She made me sign something, like a waiver.

She's the real deal, Doug. Yeah. So on the way out, she's like, you washed it out. Like, oh, I had to take a shower. You know, I got to go to work. I can't go with pink hair. I go, but tomorrow night, you can dye my hair blue. And she goes, tomorrow night, the salon's closed. It's Monday. I'm closed on Monday. It's tomorrow Luther King Day. It's a mother. She's a businesswoman.

Yeah. What's going on, Jake Allenberg? You look good until you retired. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. These are the questions we couldn't get out of you last time. Yeah, I know, I know. You officially retired. I mean, you're 33. You're a young man. Yeah, I mean, I'm... What a fucking bind to get into. Yeah.

What a bind to get into anything, and then you realize that there's a thing called the family, and you have to think about that. I know. I know. Life is very simple, but to have life without a family, it gets hard along the way. And one day you do that, like, the other day I was thinking about, okay, So now us three with you're 30, you're 20, you're 33. Let's pretend I'm 31.

And we start like a crime thing out of here. And we're making money. We're making a fucking a million a week between three of us. We're chopping it up. We're paying off cops. We're selling coke, whatever the fuck. Now we hire two other guys and we start killing rival drug dealers. And next year you know, we'll make a $9 million a week and we're chopping that up.

And next thing you know, we've created a criminal empire. We're not the mafia. We're just a set of guys that got together. We trust each other. till the end we're making money every week this goes on for six fucking years and then one day something happens you meet the woman of your fucking dreams and you have three fucking kids you start spitting out kids and one day you look at your kids and you go holy shit i gotta go out and kill lee tonight and put them in a fucking hole what are what where's your law you know and that's what like with comedy and then and fighting fighting i'm not even thinking about your kids in a in a money wise you know you know and that's what happened like with comedy and then and fighting fighting i'm not even thinking about your kids in a in a money while I'm thinking about your kids having you as a dad. Right, right. Fully being there and not fucking squeezing a ball

and swatting flies on their imaginary and having Vietnam flashbacks at 4 in the morning going into their room. I saw them on the wall. So, you know, you gotta think about head injuries and all that shit. Yeah, I know that's kind of been my challenge too. Just thinking about my future, being there for my kids, you know, giving them all the time I want to give them.

and life changes fast, you know. I go, you go, like being a single guy, it's easy, you know, you can kind of float, do what you want to do, train. Yeah, when you got to, when you got kids, it's different. You just got to think about their future more, you know, so even for me, like, thinking about fighting again, like, I think about it every day, you know, I'm like, I can, I feel, I feel great. I for sure could fight, you know, but I started thinking about my future, my kids' future,

my health, you know, that's, that's like, it's definitely the most important. So it's tough though. It's something I gotta continually analyze, you know, every week. Did you start out at one of those gyms where sparring sessions were street pros where you went all out? No, not when I started, no. I'd say more like towards the middle of my career. It got a lot more sparring, a lot more intense, that kind of thing. But yeah, not so much in the beginning.

Did you take a lot of shots to the head, do you think? I have yeah I mean I I have now for sure I think it like it started about I don't maybe five five years ago five six you know you start fighting guys that are fucking good everywhere fighting guys like Stephen Thompson you know just not the traditional fighters you see or even guys you typically train with you know so it's but yeah I took some yeah I fought Robbie Lauder I fought Thompson no you have a tremendous resume man you have nothing to to fucking, you know, fucking joke.

Yeah. I'm just saying that that's what you really, you know, football players. I mean, it's, when I was growing up, you didn't hear about it. I look at the kids I grew up with, and a lot of them were, you know, hands-on running hills with fucking barbells on their back type of football team, you know. And they're all okay. Some of them, their hips are gone from all those years of squatting heavy. weights yeah like that one of my friends that was captain healthy had like a heart

issue but he's backlifting weights five days a week and all that stuff but none of them really have those traumatic head injuries as much as like the day and they were banging heads those guys were doing football you know we can I come from a football high school man those guys took practice fucking seriously I would hang with them at night yeah and I hear about the beatings they would inflict on each other and you know the hatred between this guy and this guy and they're fine you know but with fighting now you don't know you know I know it's it's hard to you know it's hard to see because you know you don't see a lot of the long-term effects still down the road at least so yeah I mean even now like I feel fine I feel

great I feel like I've always have but you know I I I uh when I I fought in Lincoln, actually, I met with one of the top neurosurgeons in the country, and I was asking him. I talked him for like three hours, asking him everything about CTE to concussion. He's like a concussion specialist, and he was talking about, you know, he had a much of test with me. And there was nothing he could see that was anything, any sort of red flagged. But he was like, really the people that are closest to you are going to notice there's any behavioral, you know, differences. Or, you know, you go and gamble all your money one day.

some dramatic changes, you know, in your behavior. But he was even, he went to as far as there's no direct correlation between concussions and CTE. And I was like, I was kind of blown away there. But even like you're saying, there's some people like who were in boxing or football have done some hard contact sports their whole life and are never affected, you know, they're fine. And there's some guys like, you know, like the junior sales and the guys like that, it's,

there's like a certain. type of protein, I guess, in a lot of these people they found CTE, like some type of protein in their brain, you know, so, but he was like, there's no, you don't have a better chance of having CTE than most

people. So I was like, that was, that was interesting. I kind of blew my mind a little bit. So, look, how long ago did you start? I started fighting in 2005. Like, back then, were you planning for this already? Like, did you know you had to, like, be careful? Or

you just went in you're like, I just want to fight. No, I was, yeah, it was one of those, you know,

2005, like you see Chuck Lidell, you see Titor, you see all these guys. And I just, I like training, training was a hobby. It was fun.

And I never even anticipated making the, fighting a career, you know, and then just kept getting more opportunity. Like, the more, the better you do,

the more, just like, how about this fight? How about this fight? It was like, and then you're getting paid and it's like, fuck.

But, yeah, you don't really stop and think about it. it until like I'll tell you when I really started like when I had when I had kids you know my my son Jameson's three and a half and that's when I was really like start thinking about head drama injuries you know my future his future I want to be there for him you know when he's when he's graduating school that kind of thing so it's uh you know I watched that movie with will

Smith and what happened to these guys and I remember the stories as they have happened and it's really sad you know I know for a fact I had a concussion one time and it fucked me up for a while like it did fuck me up a while and it was a mild I got hit and I fell off a motorcycle that was it I had a pipe Jesus so that's a mile yeah my head in a fucking pipe damn thank God I wore a helmet yeah thank God in an early age I was smart enough I knew riding a yes I took my daughter to the park And we walked with the scooter with the helmet there, and then she fucking does 90 miles an hour,

22 times around the park with the helmet. Then she came brought me the helmet. She goes, I want to do the monkey bars. There's some kids showed up, and I see to put two feet on the fucking scooter, and I stopped her. And she started crying. She goes, but I want to ride a scooter. I go, you got to put the fucking helmet on, you know.

And I thought about why I was so strict about it. It was because even when I was 12, I was a motorcycle freak, but something always made me wear a helmet. Like, they're there, why not? Yeah. You know, I even wore elbow pads, when I wrote, because it was just dirt ride bike.

I was a dirt bike guy. So we would ride where the giant stadium is now. That was a swamp back there. And we were able to take motorcycles from one county to another and back. And then we had an area down there where you did, jumps off things and it was funny when you're 13 that's what it's all about sure it was it was a mile of of cars that you had to go through that you had to be careful when I drive the other way the cops are going to stop you anyway right in those days the cops were going to stop you

anyway or chase you so that you just went and you prayed that there was no cops and I knew the dangers of a motorcycle and I was we weren't racing but it's like if us three went on motorcycles and we're fucking with each other. Fuck you, you leave. I'm going to fuck you up on one of those fuck you lies. I turned and there was a pipe sticking out of the ground. It hit the helmet and it took me

right off and the next thing you know I remember calling into a friend's car and next year you know I'm at the fucking hospital and it was like I remember the events. Looking at it today, it was like taking pictures of events. Like one minute I was on my back

the next minute, you know, They were carrying me. The next thing I remember, I'm in a car, and I'm like, where's my motorcycle? Your motorcycle's fine. We'll come back and get it. The next minute I was at the hospital, the next minute I was there about to smack the fuck out of me in the hospital bed.

And then that was it. When I got off, I puked that night. They did all those things, those tests. I got really, really sick. My vision started to blur a little bit for a few days. I couldn't say this because they would keep me in the hospital. The last thing I wanted in those days, so I lied myself out of it. So it was just like for three weeks I felt that.

Something wasn't right. Sure. The mind is weird. There was a batch of cocaine that came into Boulder one time. Seriously, this batch of cocaine came into Boulder that was so pure. It was like 1994. And I didn't have a car. I had a bicycle that son.

And I'll never forget getting high on it that night. And like getting electro shocks all night. Like it was so fucking good that I got electro-shocked all night. When I woke up the next day, I had the same feeling like if I had a concussion. And I remember thinking I got to get some more that coke. That shit is off the hood. Oh, my God. I still remember riding a bicycle to the deli zone, right around the corner from the puddle car,

wash with cars zipping by me and I remember going oh my god I've lost my mind like I don't know what's going on I just know I'm alive but I really don't have that's what it felt like yeah my concussion felt like yeah do I worry about it you got to worry about every shot you took the head as a kid I took a lunchbox to the head I take a couple kicks to the head karate class sure what is it like getting punched in the face like the first time like I got it Let's try I'm crazy No thank you

All right then What do you want to know You don't like it It's not good I'll tell you that much When you're like When you're in a fight Your adrenaline's going

You don't feel it at all I made a little bit Yeah you do I guess it just kind of depends I mean You're so in the moment You're so like Savage mode

You know what I mean You're just Oh fuck you in the moment Yeah That is I don't know how you guys do What you do I get anxiety

Look at my face I get anxiety Just thinking about Okay I go out to my car right now Have a good day Lee love you Thank you buddy

I'll call you later To I met you Jake let's go downstairs Let's walk out Me and Jake are walking out When Jake gets in his car Some guy pulls over And goes hey you fucking honky

Fuck your mother in the ass Jake says what are you talking about The guy gets out of his car The guy throws a punch of Jake Jake Two punches out of him them, they wrestle for five minutes, I come down the stairs, the guy from the funeral parlor comes out, we break them up and you get in your car.

That happens every day in America, okay? And you get in your car and your adrenaline's going and your lip is cut and your knuckle is bruised and you get in your car and the fight's over with. I could live with that. That happens every day in America. I was raised for that to happen. Six weeks ago, I went to New York and some guy stepped in front of me and my daughter. With me, I don't care.

But this is a kid. And I threw an elbow at him. I threw a shoulder at him. He looked at him and they go, excuse me. And he looked at me and he said, excuse me. Okay, I don't know. Maybe I was raised the wrong way or something. But that's one thing, living in the moment.

Me calling Jake and going, hey Jake, I heard you've been talking shit about me, bitch. You ever see 232, motherfucker? Fuck you. I don't like Cubans. Fuck you. I don't like people from Orange County and Omaha, Nebraska. And then talking shit. having an argument at the press conference,

I would have a nervous breakdown if I'd have an argument with somebody at a press conference. You don't want to do that? Not in a million fucking years. Why not? You like it. And then wait for six weeks to fight somebody. That's insomnia for me.

And then wake up that Saturday. What if you wake up that Saturday? You're like, you know what? I'm not going to move to fight today. I'm having a great day. I'm feeling my cheese. I'm feeling good. I don't feel like.

smacking somebody today. Oh, my God. Why would you feel? Because you've got to be angry to smack someone. You got to work yourself up to get in the ring. You know, some people fight better after they get fucked up for a minute. For sure. You take a couple shots for the head, then your blood starts rushing.

Wiki up. You know, it really fucking wakes you up, Lee. So that I do not understand. So what are you most worried about? But I guarantee there's people driving, listening, go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What about your drive to the comedy store? That's true. Right.

Okay. Yeah, but I know that day. So I suffer with it that day. But to suffer with it from you to call me and say, we're fighting 4th of July weekend, it's fucking January 20. I got six months of torture sitting here. I got to put a picture of Jacob on my wall

and shadow box in front of him and make believe I hate the guy. And then I find out he's got three kids and a wife and he's a nice guy. How am I going to fight him? I got no beef with this. Why are you worried about all this stuff? Because this is what concerns me. You ask me about the mind. Yeah.

How the mind works. I would shit my pants if I had to fight somebody in six weeks. Like fight camp, that walk they do in the beginning when you come out and you fucking throw punches and you got to stand there. When my hands are up and that guy is searching me, before he asked me about the mouthpiece, I just start running. Like I would just start running before. Or I left it in the mouthpiece. Did you bring the mouthpiece? Now they're the boom.

Where's your deal? He went to get the mouthpe. Next thing you know, I got a fucking vest on, a pair of fucking sandals, and I'm in my car headed north. You understand? Yeah. They'll never see me again. That is, when they put their hands up and the guy searches you, right there, I'm done.

Once I got to go to TSA to fight somebody, I'm done. I'm done. What do you hide? And then you got to walk into the ring and make believe, like everything is beautiful. and then the music starts and the other idiot walks in and you got to watch this moron walk in and then run around in circles

and now this guy's running around in circles and I'm thinking I got to fight the fucking guy he's running around in circles or something like this all this process scares the living shit of the guy like me. Six weeks I got to fight you. I don't know how I'm going to feel the six weeks. You know what?

I feel like fighting you but I don't want to fight you. You know I want to fight the fucking field goal guy from the rain, you know. That's how you feel some days. I want to fight the mechanic. That didn't fix my fucking car right. I don't want to fight Lee. I got no time to fight Lee.

It's so different with these fucking massive crowds. You know, I fought at Rogers Center in Toronto. There's 56,000 people. The walk from the fucking locker room to the cage was like a literally five-minute walk. Yeah, I'm tired. I'm like, by the time I get there, my stress, I would just drop. My knees would drop. My heart would pile.

Have you ever headlined a fight or gone like really late on the car? Yeah, yeah. Because that's the part that would kill me. Like the waiting while everyone else is fighting. That's the worst part. It's waiting. I got to, like for me, even when I, I got to take a nap. Like when I go, first thing I do when I get to locker, my fucking fall asleep.

I got to fall asleep. I don't know how to fall asleep. Every fight. Yeah, I do because then it just shuts everything off. You forget about it. But the more you think about it, you're like, all right. Because that's the hardest part is the waiting game because all the anxiety building. Yeah.

And it's different if you, you know, you go out in the school yard or behind a locker room and you get in a fight with some dude. No big deal. Nobody sees it. But now you've got a guy who's been training for 10 weeks who wants to fucking rip your head off in front of a hundred million people. You know what I mean? It's a difference. The psychology is different. It's a trip.

I don't know how. I've learned from it. When I watch it, I put myself in their shoes. Jesus. Like, I put myself running down the ramp. Like, I go, how would that feel to run down the ramp? You know, I always see homeless people. Like, when you make the left-on fucking Riverside and Tohwengo there,

Coenga, they got that homeless hut there. And sometimes I'm sitting there at the light, and I trade places. I go, can you imagine? The guy puts a laundry cart up, and he's got, like, a ladder, and he puts a fucking sheet and he sleeps under there yeah yeah that's where he fucking sleeps that's his little apartment and sometimes when i go to sleep at night i put the sleep back in your mask on yeah and i lay down and i wonder how the fuck that guy's doing it and i make believe like i'm

sleeping and cars are going past me can you imagine sleeping on the street no with cars are doing fucking 30 miles an hour past you all night drunk drivers throwing bottles and shit oh my god There's a lot of people in L.A. who live in their cars or RVs. They really, they have more, I don't know what it is. I don't know if I could do that. I think if I got to that point, I'd probably move home. Like, that's a different kind of commitment, I guess. Like then, thank God I just haven't been in that situation.

But that's just like the first night you're sleeping in your crate, like, fuck. You know, yeah. You live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. you're training Duke Rufus you're 22 you're good looking you know I'm just saying

you know and Duke has three really good fighters in his camp maybe four whatever I don't know I don't know

Duke Rufus's roster I know he's got Tyrone Woodley whatever I don't even know anymore but you just feel like you want to go to a different camp you want to come to the cabman Sacramento.

You feel that you're a 1.45er and you want to train with those guys. Or you want to go to Colorado and train with Bang, okay, and hang out with T.J. Dillishaw, because you and T.J. I built the same way, and you can learn a lot of from T.J.

So you usually have, what, 400 in the bank? When you're 22 or 23, you've been working. You've got a half a girlfriend. You live in your dad's basement. Yeah. And you get in your fucking. car and your dream is to be in the UFC your dream is for a life of getting punched in the head

you think you're thinking about getting punched in the head when you're 23 it's the last thing you think about you know and I was doing coke and putting coke in my nose did you think I was worried about being 56 with a child and then you know no no I didn't think about the future you don't when you fall in love with something you don't think about the future she's a fucking meth whore and you want to fall in love with her way in 10 years the future's no teeth and fucking disability and her pussy's all whacked up you know i mean i'm just saying guys you know you have to look at something we don't think about the future when we're 23 so you fall in love

with something now what you know so now you you want to train at whatever is t j dillishaw's camp what do you think people wait for you with open arms you get in your car but you find out that to train with T.J. Dillershaw, you got to train in there between nine the morning and one. That eliminates most fucking jobs. That eliminates 60% of fucking workforce. So you got to start from the bottom. You got to live in your car and work in a restaurant as a fucking busboy at night until you become a waiter. You know what, Lee?

Guess what? You figure it the fuck out. You figure out the hotels you can park in front of and go into that bathroom without security. And then you fall in love with the front desk. and she tells you what to come and she'll let you sleep in the back and in the morning you can figure out how to go in there and sneak a pack of fucking oatmeal and by tipping the girl you just life fucking that's a sacrifice you make and then you go to the gym one day and you become friends with the guys and you become a hard worker and one day the guy goes hey I need a roommate to share a house and you can have the basement for 300 a month but for six weeks You got to live in your fucking car. That's part of the love that you have for what you're about to do. You don't think about repercussions.

There's no repercussions. We live in the moment. That's it. No, I get it. And I think maybe it's different if you're starting out. It's whenever I see it, I think about myself. I met a girl three weeks ago that was dressed at the Nines at the Comedy Store with a guy.

We were talking, having a great conversation. and she told me she was homeless. Remember the hooker? And you told me about it. Yeah, she was homeless. She lived in her fucking car by the saddle ranch in the parking. In the parking lot, the saddle ranch. I mean, guys, you know, and she wants to be an actress.

But she thinks that you could just sign with an agency. Wow. She doesn't know that you have to go to acting class. And, you know, they think that they're confused. They're the prettiest girl in their neighborhood. And they come to L.A. and they don't know that every day a bus empties out 100 of the hottest women of the world come to fucking L.A.

Or Miami during my model season. They go down to Miami. You know, it's just the way life is. But they think because they won most likely to succeed, they're going to go to the standard and then get a fucking job in a movie. Well, then two years later you're crying that you sucked Harvey Weinstein's dick. Because the process is fucking you've got to go to acting class.

and learn how to act and book and then agents will be interested in you it's a tight fucking economy here but just getting back to your question it's just it's not that you let yourself get to that level it's what you're doing for your dream if you think you're a good artist whatever and you want to go to Venice Beach and you don't have enough money and nothing's going I hate these don't you hate people that look at you and go you know what it doesn't really matter because I'm moving to homoaha Nebraska February of 2021 good luck yeah yeah good luck both people drive me crazy yeah somebody says to me one a year and a half we're moving to California people who got to go they go yeah exactly when somebody go they go there's no looking back there's no year to save

money well I need a year to put away money you just make an excuse just for you exactly You're just making issues for yourself. You're bullshit in yourself. Take what you got. Go to Grandma. Say, Grandma, you're going to die. I know you're going to leave me 500. Forget the 500.

Give me 300 and a square. I agree. Get the 300 from Grandma. Oh, my God. Borrow another two from a friend of yours. And $500, you come out here with your car. And that's what most people do. Yeah.

Do I think it's the thing to do? If you really love it, you have a fucking plan. Yeah. If you believe in what you're about to do, you find a way. You find a way. way but if you're gonna come out here because your cousins friends with fucking leesayette and he's gonna hook you up yeah they're gonna hook me up though i hate people

say jake will make a call to the ufc jake knows people i'll go in the front of jake to the best of people who come and try to impress you for you i can't do nothing for you yeah i'm not gonna lie to you and tell you i could do something for you i can't i know i can't there's nothing i can do for you i could open up certain doors for you and you have to go through them like the fucking rhinoceros. Yeah. But I can't do nothing for you. You still got to put it in the work.

Yeah. And you still got to, isn't this podcast better that you know? For you? Just say no to drugs. God damn. I'd say it every fucking day. I just say no to drugs. I can interact.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But we was going to do your bog hit. Yeah. I already did a, two bonhins. No, you did. Yes, it did.

You did two half a little fucking cake bongas. But I bet you get hit up all the time with the same shit like I know for me like I get people like I can't even tell you how many messages I get with people who want me introduce them to Sean Shelby or Dana or like hey I've been fighting I got three fights or I want to be like I fucking every day every and I'm like again it's like you got you got to do the work you got to can you fight okay like you know I may be able to introduce you to somebody but it's not just going to fucking in the snap of the fingers you're fighting in the UFC it's not going to happen you know like I get people hitting me about fighting in the

contender series and you know give me on you know what I mean I'm sure you probably deal with the same shit but it's years ago the best one I ever got for Rogan was a guy that told me mr. Diaz I don't mean to bother you but I keep sending Rogan messages and he won't get back to me I mean I used to get those all the time yeah Rogan won't get back to me I'm sure you have a way to get a way to in touch with Dana White, let me tell you my situation, I'm 14 and 0 with 16 knockouts. You know, I knocked out the judge. I knocked out everybody. Yeah.

Oh, my God. This guy had a link on YouTube, and I went to him, and he had no fights on there. It was just him hitting the bag. He was tatted up from head to toe. He had the knee brace on. He had the expensive shorts, the gloves. And he's beating the bag. And he goes, this is pure power.

And he's calling people out on the bag. And I'm like, if you're 14 and 0, you must have fight footage. Why would you send Joe Rogan a tape of you in the bag? So I thought he was just, I go, maybe the guy's creative. Maybe the guy's artistic. Maybe it's him talking to his first before his fight footage. It was four minutes or five minutes long. I wanted to shoot myself after I watch it because he's suckered.

in. I was waiting to see him narrate his own fights. This is me in Japan. It's him head kicking somebody. This is me in Russia and him taking somebody in a fucking single and submitting him with a fucking Camorra or something. It was just him on a bag going, nobody wants this right hand.

Not T.J. Dillishaw, not mighty mouth. He called John Jones. He called out Brock Lesnar. And he was doing nothing to the bag. I can see like if the bag blew up and feathers were everywhere. I mean, they're fucking retarded. When I saw the video, he was tatted from ankle to his neck. I go, oh, he had just done a shot of steroids.

I mean, he was jacked to the fucking nines. He really didn't know how to punch. And I'm no fucking Jerry Cooney. I don't know nothing about boxing. But I know a punch when I see one. Did you leave a comment? Did I leave a comment? No.

I would never fucking leave a comment forever. This is the worst thing I've ever seen. No, no, no, no. Those type of people, you leave a comment like that. The next thing you know, you don't know, but they jump out of window. They're that crazy to send Joey Diaz's a video

to send to Dana White to show them how tough you are and that you were 14 and no and there's no fights. That guy jumps out of window, gets hit by a car that night on purpose. Yeah. What takes his own life. That's, that you can't even reply to those people.

There was a guy, I probably shouldn't even say it, but he kept sending the email saying someone was torturing him. It's like you gotta make it sound, man. They're doing terrible things to me. I can't respond to that stuff. There's a guy who told me, he wanted to kill me once,

but like that guy. What? I don't know. He just said, I send me an email saying, I hope, it doesn't matter. But, like, yeah, they sometimes get crazy stuff. I'll tell you where I get the craziest stuff, Messenger. I don't know if Facebook does that on purpose. But the creepiest stuff I get is every time I click the messenger, and there's 40 unread messages, and you're stolen to the gills, and you're reading.

And some of them are nice, nice American. We're just nice people. Yeah. I should say American. They're worldwide. But there's a ton of them. There's one guy now that I have no idea what he's talking about. So if they have no idea, I fuck with them even more.

I tell them take the medication, you know. Yeah. But I don't put them down. I just tell them to take the medication. I could see when somebody online is starting to lose it. Like at this point, you could see. this is not going to end well. There's a guy that hits me up

every time I go to New York City. I never hear from him a year round. I hear from him the week I'm going to New York City. And it's always the same story. He wants help. He has a heroin prom.

And he wants me to help him and bring him out here and he wants to replace Lee. He would be better than Lee. And you've got to hear this shit. Damn. And there's always a story. Like, I'm going to be Ari's producer. That's what I called Ari.

And I go, you know what this guy is? He goes, no, he hit me too about coming and watching me at the show. There's some crazy people out there. And if we get that, can you imagine poor Rogan? I know. Have you ever seen when Rogan post on Instagram? It makes me feel better about myself. It is something.

There's times I just check his Instagram just to see what people say. Yeah. He could put a fucking picture of a dinosaur. And he could be in one of his intelligence modes and go, well, we'll put a picture of a scientist found, 30,000-year-old elephant bones. He'll post something like that up. And there's people like, who's going to win Khabi Bacana? DMT, 100%.

You know, they don't leave it along with the DMT. That was 10 years ago. I know. Leave it alone. It's like when somebody calls me big pussy from the sopranos or somebody comes up to me now and says, I listen to the podcast all the time. You have any stars of death on you?

And just look at them and ignore them. Because you're not listening to the podcast because we haven't done a star of death in fucking a year now. Only Lee's got a bag of stale. The laddie still eat those things. Yeah, they work. I don't ever want to see those fucking things again. They're the nastiest.

Yeah, they're a year old. They're fucking over-examined. Yeah. Now they got, they're a year old. They're fucking over-examined. I kept them in the fridge. You kept them in the fridge. You're fucking crazy.

Oh shit. So you have the company that has like the roll, the foam roll you gave me? The hyper-ice company. And that's keeping it. Yeah, they're doing well. Yeah, they're doing well. Yeah, I got a couple investments I've made, so they're doing pretty well. We got a restaurant actually about to open in West Hollywood.

They're about to open a Batega-Louis. What kind of a restaurant? Well, there's one downtown called Botega Louie. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I wonder. They got a lot of pastries and macarons, that kind of stuff. But good food. One of my buddies I went to, I grew up with, he's like there.

He went to USC. He's an architect, like, super fucking brilliant guy. He's their architect. But, yeah, I invested in there, the new one they're about to open. So, like, this sometime this year. But that's, it's keep me busy. So next time he comes he's gonna be coming in a Bentley That's like one of the places in downtown that like

Girls really like to go Like it's like one of the old places pictures and it's a good It's always busy open It's like one of the highest rated bakeries ever Yeah really yeah but yeah so I got to take you invest in these things Yeah well they did the new one they're about to open I did yeah so They're yeah they're killing it Are you gonna be like a

working partner or just like a behind the scenes I just gave you money I want a little money back every year right yeah I'm just kind of behind the scenes you know so but I you know I might I'm open to you don't want a good fella because I know how to get fell out of that motherfucker yeah good fella yeah yeah yeah saying that I get cooking yeah I can start going in there starting up a tab for donuts and shit yeah yeah and then when they come to me hey you owe was 3 000 what are you gonna pay us I smack the manager yeah shut up the call this number. We're your partners now.

Exactly. Then we go through it like the Sopranos. We just start ordering bags of flour and sell them. And then when they we just like to join on fire. That's it. Fucking Jewish stop. And everybody walks away debt-free. A little checky poo.

Handed clean. No more cupcakes. No more fucking cupcakes and shit. When you watch your fight now, how do you feel? Did you watch this weekend's fights? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And how do you feel as you're sitting there watching these fights? No, it's, you know what I mean?

I analyze a lot of fights and stuff. And I mean, for me, I look back to a lot of my fights. And I just think about like, you know, it's hard to like not overanalyze yourself as far as, I could have done this better. I got a buddy, Ethan Seppley, he's an actor. And he never. He's on the podcast. Oh, yeah, great guy.

Great guy. Great guy. He's never watched anything he's ever done. Blew my mind. Never watched a film, a show. And I thought he was joking. He's like, no. I was like, you're serious. And he's never watched something he's done. And he, because he's very critical of himself. You know, I could have, I didn't like this. I could have done it. Like, I understand it. I get it.

But for me, even like, I look at my fights, it's hard to watch some of my fights. Like, even that had been, like, real close where I could have done this or I fucking knocked him down, got back up and he head kicked me. else so I I like watching fights but my fights are a little harder because it's like you try to overthink shit and I could have done this or strategy you know but I mean it helps guy like I still help other guys train too so I can kind of give back a little bit to them as far as reflect on the shit I more I made mistakes or you know things that I could have done better but it's funny when I watch a fight as a fan but I also watch to learn. I think about what they're thinking about

when I'm watching a baseball game. Like before the podcast, we were talking about Tom Brady. Like, what are you thinking about on the sidelines when you got that ball back with 54 seconds? I know. 39. 39 seconds. And what were you thinking about when you won the toss and how you walk out there? Well, this is all going on. This is what I'm thinking about. I'm watching a football game. But I'm trying to put my head where he's at right now. You know, there's, I don't know, 11 people on the other side that want to kill me. They want to fucking take my fucking head off.

Blow your knee out. Blow my knee out or something. And they're monsters. They're not just any people. It's only being you. It's a fucking, you know, they all run a 4-240. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, this is. Fucking savages. You, you're 41 years old. Which naturally you've lost a step, which he has. Right, right. You can tell. What are you thinking? What is on your mind?

How do you prepare? pay for that. I mean, that is, that has always been my quest. Like, and what I like about fighting is, okay, so the other night, I told you, I watched it two times, Kabib against Conner, after Khabib taps out, you're sitting there, you're breathing, what's going through you had, the things you didn't work on? The day that you went to the museum with your wife instead of going to Jitza. Yeah. You think about the night.

You didn't go and do strength and conditioning because your ankle hurt, but it really didn't. Right. You think about, you know, when I get off stage and I ate a bag of dicks and people like, hey, good, thanks for coming and all that. I'm talking to them, but I'm really in the moment. And I'm breaking down just what just happened. I get in the car.

I call Lee. I bust his balls. Once he hangs up, the rest of the ride home is breaking down my set. What happened? how I felt you know I might get up stage of 1130 but I can't go to bed till water 1 30 mm-hmm because that's what's racing through your mind that joke worked that fucking joked but like last night I just wanted to get something out I wanted to make sure I covered this and I did two of the three sets yeah which for a guy like me is a

win all I wanted to do in sparring last night was work a two-punch combo with a fake Superman kick and when you angle I get you with the kick to the head on the left side that's all I wanted to work on last night I'm like I'm going down to try this thing

whether it fucking kills me because the worst thing is putting something on paper and going that's going to kill him and then going down there and not doing it you know I talk about game plans and fighting I've learned a lot about game plans because I could tell on a fighter is sticking to his game plan.

When Connor fought Nick Diaz the second time, he went in there with a game plan. He watched the fight when the guy kicked his legs a thousand times. So he implemented the leg kick. He stayed away from him. He didn't let Nate get too close to him.

And he lost to him the second time, not if you watch it, but he ended up winning. He made little adjustments in his fighting. I love that shit. Yeah. When I watch a fight, and I could tell that you,

made adjustments. I love that shit. Diaz loves you on the high head kick and he goes low, low, low and he comes up high. If you time that head kick the right way, I'm a dead man against a guy like you, Jake. You're going to take me down with a single

while that leg is coming up on you and it's easy night night after that because you're taking me down hard. I got one leg up in the air. If you time it, you're done. You sweep me on my shoulder. It's all over. The oxygen flows out of you, you start throwing punches from underneath.

And all of a sudden, McCarthy comes in and weighs you off, you know. And that's how I feel when I do stand up. When I get off the stage, those first two minutes, I like to just, you're analyzing your set, where you went wrong, where you could have been better. Yeah. And what are you going to work on the next time? You know, so that's, I compare a lot of shit in comedy.

Yeah. To MMA because it's an art. No matter what. The only thing we don't have is weight cutting. Yeah. Thank God. You imagine if you got to make weight for Friday show every week week. We and you would never get to before.

I'd never make weight. I'd never make weight. That's the only difference in the art is making weight. It's still the same fucking thing. Listen, Joey's a jiu-jitsu guy, Jake. When you're fighting him, you got to throw the four-punch combo, you know. So I just want you. to work on four combos,

a right cross, low kick, and a high kick, you know, just mix it up into four. He can't take a four delivery. That's what I would, you know, that's how I cut. That's how I practice my comedy.

That's how it works for me. Yeah. To go out there throw jabs and expect an ass kicking. Or being able to make the adjustments. Just to make the adjustments. That's fucking awesome. Just to make the adjustments.

Because guess what? My combos are the same. start with a jab. I'm going to come over. I'm going to leg kick him with the left, and then I'm going to take two steps and go to the head. Maybe there's a step I'm taking that I'm not doing it right, and he's going to catch me with an with an overhand left the first time.

Now I've got to get back to position and try it again. Move it around a little bit, maybe throw a head kick at him, take a Superman punch, but then after that I'm going to run the same combo again. Jab, cross, leg kick, high kick. You know, and hopeful, and if I do it, and even if he blocks off all of them, if he knocks me out after that, I'm good. Because I know I'm on to something. This is inspiring.

Right. This is inspiring. If I see that he's, I'm easily taken down after I throw the second kick, that means he could read the second kick. I got to make adjustments with that second kick. I got to make adjustments with that leg kick. He's popping. He's blocking it. You know, he's, what do you call that?

pick up your leg, he's checking it. You know, I can't have him check it. Maybe I'm kicking too low. Maybe I'm kicking too high. But if I kick him low, I got his balance, and I can knock him off balance and I come out of him with a left. These are the same things in comedy.

You have to expect that that's what I'm not good at Jiu-Jitsu. Like to be good at Jiu-Jitsu, you have to know what that guy's second move is going to be before he does it. Right. You want him to put his hand down. Like I just found out that if you get me in a fucking spider guard, I can't pat, even if it's the easiest path,

it's a terrible mistake. I just found that after five years. I would do it all the time and get swept. Try to pull that fucking spider guard on me now on the right-hand side because now I know it to sit still until you pull the guard out a while until I just step aside and pull your leg and hopefully I could cross pull your leg and get on top of you. I didn't know that for years.

I would actually pass your guard with one arm hanging there like the fucking tin man and the Wizard of Oz. But to do it and fail, it's the same thing with comedy. It's the same thing with anything. Unless you try it, you can't fucking fail and you can't learn from it. But that's the best thing that you have,

that you have experience to share with younger fighters to calm them down. I think sometimes young fighters, like I love to see young fighters that grow in the UFC. Like yourself, you came into a young age. And you grew up in the UFC. You took some wins, you took some losses, then you figured it out for a while.

Then you figure it out for a while. Then you start having doubts, and there you go. You know, it happens. It happens. The worst thing you could happen is when you start having doubts. and we all have them. I had them two weeks before I shot the degenerate special. Yeah?

And it destroyed my... My performing skills. I thought that was great. No, two weeks before I got doubts. I started switching material. I started having doubts. And you live and you learn. Yeah.

And I'm a veteran. Even at the 26-year mark, you still have doubts, which creates a whole different set of scenarios. Definitely. I know, I wish I would have, looking back now, I wish I would just, I wish I would have slowed down a little bit, you know, because when you're finding that fucking top level competition,

you know, you get, you know, you make ups and downs, you take some lumps, but I was like full speed ahead. And I wish, I just wish I would have slowed down a little bit, kind of reset, you know, kind of, kind of analyze myself a little more, you know, becoming a little more aware of setups and like strategy, like you're talking about making adjustments. Like those are those are the most important.

I mean, I was even watching Cowboys fights last weekend, like that young kid, it was interesting because I, you know, everybody who's a veteran like Cowboy, yeah, they know how that, that young, that young kid is who just, is reckless, doesn't care. And that's a, that's a hard guy to beat. But as soon as Cowboy started getting his distance, his range, seeing how this guy would, for example, that kid Hernandez, he would throw some good combinations, but he would back straight up. And I could see it.

I was like, if Cowboy picks up on him back and straight up, he's going to start following him after he resets, he's going to follow him back in and start landing a straight punt. And he started tagging him up, which ended up setting up that head kick. But that's one of those things like as a veteran, you can see, you can pick. pick up on those things and make the adjustments but that was a that was a you know great fight by

cab well have you seen the scam coming or have you not seen the scam coming what's that six months after connor mcgreggo lost to be convincingly they all sat down and we had to pick they're not going to give him i knew you know i knew they're not going to give him the spanish kid what's his name eddy's guy who's number one so i was 155, it's, the Beeb is the champion. Tony Ferguson. They're not going to give him Tony Ferguson. There's no way.

Right. They can't take another knockout. They can't take another chance with him. That's a hard fight. Porre did dangerous. And after you fight somebody once, Porreier improved 100% after he fought McGregor. You know, Holloway improved 150% after he fought McGregor.

Because once you see where you're, mistakes where you just now you fought who was supposed to be the best you lost i'm going for it so all these guys they don't want pori against mcgregor but they had they told cowboy six months ago you know after could be lost to start dropping weight to go to 155 what is what is he ranked that one 55 cowboy cowboy yeah top 10 i'm sure seven six maybe i don't even know See, since you're on the show, we could talk about this. I feel that I think McGreg's next fight should be that Spanish kid. Ferguson.

That's my feeling about it. Yeah. But let me see who else is on that. You got Barbosa also has to be up there at 155. Yeah, yeah. You've got... I don't think he's ranked right now. Who?

Cowboy. He's got to be ranked either 170 or 150 or 1. 155 which is 1 70 yeah he's still right as of right now on the way this is UFC UK let me check the super Jesus Christ you use not capitalously yeah no no yeah Tony way and then you think about Tony maybe fighting Kabib I don't know it's that's a good fight that they were supposed to fight but that's a tremendous fight that's another fight that people really really like to say yeah but I think he's been you know he sees an easy opponent and cowboy and i hope he doesn't really think cowboys are going to be an easy opponent right you know

once cowboy gets into a rhythm he does okay yeah and again he's been back in the rhythm i think he won his last two yeah two or three so like that yeah he lost his last two or three so he might be you know you get a cowboy when cowboy's cowboy and you forget cowboy could jujitsu yeah cowboy is not at Jiu-Jitsu. No, he's great. How many submissions does he have? Look at his record. Cowboy has good

Jiu-Jitsu. Yeah. So don't underestimate. A lot of people loving that fight already, and I think Dana thinks that McGregor can meet Cowboy and try to get his status back. I think Cowboy might be a little

tougher than what he fucking thinks. Yeah, I agree. You fought Cowboy. Wow. No. No, no, no unfuck out of Cowboy, no. I'm assuming this is updated. I'm not sure, but on the UFC's website says nine wins by knockout, 17 by submission, eight by decision.

Yeah. This jih Tzu game is no fucking joke. No, it's good. So I hope that they don't think that they get him like an old cowboy. Yeah. Because if cowboy decides to fight Connor McGregor, trust me, he's going to fucking train hard for that fight. Oh, yeah. And his his movie tie is sensational.

Yeah. You know, his movie tie has always impressed me. but his submission game ain't bad he's not bad on his back bro so this might not be an easy fight no this isn't gonna be an easy fight hell no this isn't gonna be an easy fight yeah I mean the UFC is kind of like what you were saying earlier was like the pretty girls who come like from all over like it is kind of crazy like every fight in the UFC or really any organization now is like the best Even if they lose, they're like the best of the best. That's pretty crazy to have to like fight that guy. That's crazy.

Fight what guy? Like, that's the part that gets me. It's like there's so much. Like the other guy is great. It's not like you're fighting. Like you know you're going to win. Like you never know if you're going to know. No, no.

They make up some cards that you sit there and scratch your head. I mean, who saw Cyborg get knocked out against Noonet? I know. Who saw Henry Suss? You imagine training to go up against cyborg? That's like that's scary. I had a feeling about... I had a feeling about Nunes because Nunes is slick.

She's just fucking slick. Yeah. And she might... She can fucking hit, too. It didn't surprise me. You know, it didn't surprise me. Henry Sehuda or Vatilla Shaw this weekend. Surprised me.

I didn't watch it. I was just really... I'm not getting the ass. I didn't know they threw a fucking by the way at you. Yeah. Why can't the UFC just be square? You why can't? I was telling my wife that in society today,

you avoid thinking about it, but no matter what you do, at every level you get fucked. Lee, whenever I talk to Lee, the first thing he'll tell me is, I like that city, I like that hotel, but they charge 38 to park.

He tells me about parking constantly. Lee knows every parking rate across the fucking country. And that's good and it's bad. It scares me that Lee, that, you know, Lee was going to get a piece of ass at the hotel, and he called me one night, it's 100 a night, but it's 38th to park.

You know, what am I going to do? You know, last week he went to court. He wouldn't pay the 10 to park next to the courtroom. It's 10. It's 20. It's 20. I was there for two days. And here's the killer. You're giving me free parking.

Here's the killer about that. I don't even know what the fucking point is. I don't, I understand. When you go out anymore, you really try to have a good time, And then you walk home, you get home, and you realize what you spent for the night. And you realize like you're getting fucked. I see these plane tickets I pay for.

Yeah. I see the amount I pay for cars and all this shit. I see the amount that they want for Super Bowl tickets. We were just discussing Super Bowl tickets and the amount they want for tickets. And, you know, I just heard through the grapevine that Ticketron sells tickets, but they own, they bought a company who buys those tickets. and doubles the price on them and sells them the scalpers. You know, so as a consumer in today's world,

we turn a blind eye to it, but you feel like you're getting fucked at every level. I love to go to a lake a game, but I'm not paying $1.89 to sit all the way up in the top under the air conditioner, and then I got to pay another $50 the fucking park. And then, you know, I spoke to somebody there, and I go, are you going to the Rams playoff game two weeks ago?

Not the one this week against New Orleans, It was a week earlier. And they said, I thought about it. And then I went online. And they go, Joey, it was going to cost me $500 to go to that game in the fucking rain. He goes, you know what? I saved the $500 and I watched that home and I enjoyed myself. I want you to think about something.

$500. Who has $500 to go to a fucking football game? They have 800,000 people are not getting home. fucking check right now. 800,000 people. When I flew the other day, I thanked every, all those TSA agents, I thanked them to their fucking faces.

I was like, hey, man, thank you for being here today. I can't even imagine going somewhere and not getting paid right now. You know, Lee and I have discussed it. $800 for floor seats at the Rolling Stones and 50 to park, and it's

12-4 water. So if you're not coming home as an American consumer and going, I just got fucked. You know, they don't let you fucking smuggle water during TSA. They make you throw the water away. Why? Because you got to pay $4 in the fucking airport. They want you at the airport two hours earlier? Why? So you sit there? No.

So you spend money on their overpriced fucking food. Then you're going to shut out blood no matter what level it is. I had that place the other night. My stomach was fucking sick at the airport. No matter where to fuck eat. So as an American, even I feel sometimes, I go somewhere and I go, man, that was pretty good. And then my wife would go, it was $54 for four hot dogs. And you're like, I just got fucked in the ass.

You're right. Yeah. You know, I want some tickets for a UFC event, you know. And it's not the tickets for the event. It's everything that goes into it. Oh, yeah. They've eliminated a class in this country. They've eliminated a class.

class. Especially, for me, it's hard, but it's even tougher when you're in a relationship or, like, what if you're married with kids and you have to buy four times of everything? Oh, yeah. Guys, I see people. Got to fly somewhere.

I see people. I see people flying. I don't know how they do it with two kids. And they don't give a fuck. They don't have a special price for kids or nothing. Your kid flies for free. If he's under three. What's it?

That's it. Under two. That's it. too. Everybody else fucking pays. That's a seat check. What if he sits on my lap? Well, listen, it's our fucking lap. Because you're sitting on our fucking chair.

So on every level, as a consumer in America right now, you're like, you know what, man? Jesus Christ. You know, when does the fucking stop? Like I said, I feel bad for this generation that they can't go to a baseball game for fucking 20 bucks. Trying to get Dodger tickets for 20 fucking bucks.

See what you get. You get an earphone and a cup. They let you listen to the wall. Yeah. Like they tell you, go around the back, take that cup and put it against the thing. You'll hear the game perfectly. That's what you get for 10 bucks. I used to pay like 12 bucks for a Nick ticket.

15 bucks for a Nick ticket. That means if four, three of my kids go, or me and my wife and two kids, it's $60. It's New York City. I'm going to get banged out anyway, but you know, popcorn, maybe some fucking cotton candy, maybe a boxer raised, and that's you go to a movie today in America. How much is a fucking movie?

15 bucks, 20 bucks. You walk out of a movie, you're 30 light. You're 30 light, and that's what validating parking. You gotta fucking get validation. I hate validating parking. Yeah, it's the most embarrassing thing in the fucking world. Even that Lemley I go to. You have to take your ticket, they validate it,

and you still got to pay. to get out of the fucking place. And there's a line by the fucking machine. You got to stand there for another fucking hour. So you get fucked with every level. I got to take a shit. I just sat there for two hours to stuff myself with popcorn. I'm blasting farts at the end of the movie.

Like, I can't. My wife's looking at me. Like, hold on. It's going to end in 20 minutes. I know you've got to go to the bathroom. I know. That fucking popcorn. Oh, my God.

Yeah. It's fucking crazy. So that's it, man. It's, yeah. And then you go to a place like, from how you're from. You compare the prices of what you're paying on while for gas, what you're paying in Orange County.

Even New York City has cheaper gas to know that. Really? Yeah, it's like $2 a gallon. I was telling, and I was telling some friends about my brother Joe's house. He bought his house, let's see, like five bedrooms, $130,000.

Think about that, $130,000. He's got a family, he's got three kids. wife three kids Joe Olinberg is a fighter also right Yeah yeah he doesn't he doesn't fight anymore But I was like 130 you couldn't buy

A sidewalk You can't even look at houses out here You can't buy a tree for fucking Less than fucking 80 thousand this neighbor Can't take a piss on the bush Do you want to stay here now I I mean I like it

I do I like it out here I'd like the idea have a place a place out here and a place back there so but as far as where you know we're raising kids i don't know i'm not sure yeah i got i got to i got to figure that out but i do i enjoy it out here though it's a lot of there's you know you got 20 minutes to the beach and plenty of stuff to do but yeah it's expensive it's you go to the beach a lot with your kids in the son once in a while yeah you look close how far are you from the beach yeah 20 minutes yeah so you used the beach yeah We go for a walk, you know, let the kids play in the sand and shit.

You know, they love that, but... Your family's in Nebraska? Yeah. How about your wife's family? They're Arizona. Yeah, not bad. So both places, if you decide to move there, at least you got support there. Yeah.

It'd still be cheaper than out here. Yeah, man. No, no, no. It makes fucking sense. Yeah. So you're thinking of fighting again if a league calls you and they all... It would have to be fun. I mean, it had to be financially worth it, you know?

Do you still have the same management and everything? Yeah. So you have somebody cutting deals for you and stuff like that. Yeah. Have you considered Bellator or you don't want something that serious? I've considered it, but I don't know. It's hard. It's hard.

It's just, it's hard to close that door. You know what I mean? Like training so much and just training as long as I have. I don't know. It's, I think, I think about it a lot. But yeah, I don't know. Then I have that realistic talk with myself about my kids and the future. And let's not fight again, you know, I don't know.

Like, yeah, my ego, I want to fight for sure. But when I started thinking a more rational, logical, dad, Jake, then I'm like, all right, I'm done. What a call to make. Like, I think we and I were having this conversation about England, New England last night. if Tom Brady wins at 41 years old that gives them how many rings

I think it's six or seven I think it's seven are you fucking sky seriously yeah so right now if you're Tom Brady and you beat the rats right at the end of the game do you raise the fucking

trophy and say I'm done you better not I've got enough money I've got seven, six rings. I mean, when do you say it's enough? I know. He's talked about until 45.

I don't think he does. He doesn't even let them take himself out when he's leading by 30 at the end of the fourth quarter. Now, what happens? He likes being in there. What happens in two years when you lose another two steps? And kids around you are getting stronger. They're coming in from college a lot stronger than they were.

You were fucking 19. and they're fast and they're stronger. And yeah, they're limiting hits on quarterbacks. But remember, there's a way I could hurt you. Just you getting up 11 times. Just me knocking you down. There was somebody I spoke to a couple weeks ago. You go to judo?

This kid's one of the toughest kids I know in Jiu-Tos. You go to Judo? He goes, no. I go, why not? He goes, I just don't like getting up. And this kid's 23. 23 yeah he's like i just don't like getting up after they throw me on my back because i don't like it

i'd rather just stay down you know i don't like that shit so you know i mean so think about these what do you want to see do you want me to see you getting sacked and throw it away that seven year it's a seven or six years before he's a portrait on twitter

please you know how new england people are Yeah. Why do you fuck with me? Give me the exact information. When do you retire, Jake? When do you say, I look at myself in the mirror, Jake, I swear to God, I look like I'm 90 years old. I feel bad for people if they come to see me now because I'm so fucking old. So I ask myself every day, when do you retire?

Now, everybody in this room and everybody who listens to the podcast knows if a guy like me retires, I die. That's when I die. Like that's, you always have to, I'm one of those guys that I want to die working. You know, I never want to be living on a yacht when I'm 65 and make him, I hate all that shit. You got to keep working. I respect these older guys. Definitely. That keep fucking working.

But that's something completely different. That's looks and image, image, and appearance and what your mind can handle. I'm talking about when you're getting fucking hit for a living. That's a complete different fucking living. Definitely. How old? When does a human being go? I've had enough. Lee. How long does this take? I'm sorry. I went to the wrong page. Yeah, no shit. You've been going on the wrong page all afternoon, and you're supposed to be the computer.

You know what you did? I didn't do nothing. Fine. I'll cut out of this one. Yeah, Brady, I imagine he plays at least a couple more seasons. Don't throw him off. He's counting with his fingers, and you want to talk over him. When does it end? Jake Haldemberger? Look at him. He's that high. He's at least. He's counting with his fucking fingers. Look at this creepy little fingers.

Look, you can tell his grandfather was a diamond smuggler. Back in Israel in the 40s. He's got that natural arthritic. He can't even count. You can't even count. Yeah. It doesn't really matter, guys. You're 41 years old.

Yeah. Your wife is worth millions. Sure. You're worth millions. It'll be his sixth one. It'll be his sixth ring. I think he says 9th Super Bowl

He's 5 and 4 I think 10th Super Bowl That's just crazy Guys He wins you turn around You say sell IV The part of your contractors They make you

VP of entertainment activities And they give you a salary A base 350 a year So you could retain your insurance Or whatever the fuck deal Yeah You know when I was watching

in Kansas City yesterday against them. I remember for a second that Joe Montana went out. Yeah. Playing for the Kansas City. That's when I was a big chiefs fan. Joe Montana was playing Marcus Allen. They all went to Kansas City at the end.

And Joe did okay in Kansas City. He retired out of Kansas City. He was somewhere else. No. He retired after Kansas City. But he still, he had that four-ring legacy. Yeah, 49ers.

And they took those two extra or three extra years. and he looked bad. I don't ever want to see Tom Brady look bad. The other year when he got suspended, I was actually happy. Because all I really need him for is the playoffs. So I think if they drafts, hopefully they'll drafts like his next guy, because he can't play for that, like, that much longer.

But I think he still has, like, two to three years left of him. I think so. And they're going to start paying him more, too. And he'd be like, we give you a fucking. three more million to play this year. I don't know. I think he takes a tough fucking decision. I hope.

I don't know how it's going to end. If he loses, I get him coming back another year. It's not going to happen. Okay. If he wins in my heart, I wish he raises his hand and says, listen, it's over. It's going to be 20 years. The guy shows up and leaves here with six rings. Good luck.

And it's against the team that he won his first one again. So I can see it being like a surprise one. I just, the way I'm thinking now, I would be surprised. But it would be a good end to the story. Plus, well, with Belichick, too, you know, the coach. Oh, he better never leave. He has to at least be GM for life because, yeah. I was saying, like, that you were talking about Sony, Michelle.

And I was thinking, well, we had Lagart Blunt going crazy for a couple years. And he left. And I was like, oh, no, no, it was going to be able to have touchdowns. And that guy has, like, well, like six touchdowns in two games. I wasn't a contributor to it. Oh, my God. I didn't contribute a dime to it. I didn't pay any attention to it at all.

I checked the result, and I knew they were fighting. When Tito and Chuck were fighting, it broke my heart. It's hard to watch. It broke my heart. I didn't have to watch it. I didn't think Liddell would get beat up or knocked out, but I knew that people were going to see you on a different perception. people who never seen LaDelle on this prime against Babelieu and against Randy Couture

people who had seen that are going to watch that fight and go that was that guy and I just saw the pictures of him he looked old he looked like he didn't belong in there but he's doing it why for financial purposes really because the UFC was paying him when William Morris took over they cut his job as a consultant at least the year he was taking care of him and he could fucking survive yeah imagine having to go into the ring at however old he was at 47 yeah 49 listen i don't give a fuck what anybody tells you after 40 you start seeing things that unless you're realistic with yourself nobody could else see okay your kicks are going to lose a little bit of snap tool.

Your vision starts to go. You know, reaction. Reaction time starts to go. You think you still have your original movement. Put yourself on tape. Boy, are you going to be disappointed? You know, when I go to the gym, when I go to Muay Thai class in the mornings, I know exactly who I am.

I know exactly how old I am. And I know what my purpose is there for. Do you follow me? You see guys that go to the gym and they just don't get it. They've been going there for nine months and also, they're like, Jake, put on your gloves and you're like, you really don't get it that I can destroy you with my hands. You know, people just don't see things sometimes.

I'm happy that you at least took a step back. Yeah. And they're analyzing it. You're analyzing it. Definitely. You know, and someday you'll maybe officially retire or someday you might say, fuck it. they offered me too much money to go to Japan.

It's a three-fight contract. They're going to give me a million dollars. My family needs to eat. Sure. We all get pushed into that direction of making that decision. Right, right. I felt the noticeable difference, like, 30, 31 right, right there. I mean, yeah, I'm only 33, but I started a fight when I was 20.

So it's like, I think about 31, I could, you kind of feel a little bit of a difference. more so reactions maybe not as sharp or you know move as quickly you know what I mean the takedown's not as fast but you know you can notice that stuff but the problem with the problem with the fight the sport is people don't like to have that realistic

conversation with themselves either you know they like to no I'm good I'm good you know they like to fucking just act like it's not there but got to have that objective conversation you know I mean who wants to tell yourself that you're done.

Not anybody. I can't imagine. You know, I mean, throughout my comedy career, there was moments when I was like, you know what? I think that... Really?

I want to get a day job at one point. And then you come back to your senses. You know, you're like, I'm not ready to give up yet. This is happening or this happened. But again, that's a complete different situation than the fighting

and the Tom Brady situation. I don't want to see Tom getting sacked. Yeah. I don't want to see Tom's back being broken because he could move, you know. All it takes is one guy missing a block, which they have the best offensive line in the world. Yeah. They really do. Well, that was kind of funny. They really fucking do.

We have like a, he's like in his 60s or 70s, maybe even 80s, or offensive line coach. He retired for like two years and the guy who came in kind of stunk. He just didn't do it. They didn't do as well. So they took him out of retirement. He's like 80 years old in there. Yeah, you gotta go. Who's the best is?

No, my hats go off to both teams. You see, like, the Rams to the defensive line. Like, they got some fucking killer. Like, Dom Kinseley, you know, a few, like, a few killers on their D line. So it's, they got, and the Patriots got a great line, offensive line, but these guys are getting better. Your offense is crazy. Our defense is usually pretty good. Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's our?

You did not play? that game yesterday. You did not burn a calorie. I never say the Patriots. I didn't burn a calorie. The fourth quarter was very vexing. The Patriots defensive backs are okay usually, but we usually have like a not so great. So I was surprised because you guys have great quarterbacks and like all your Kelsey's grade.

Yeah. Why are you calling him you guys? Does he look like a fucking ranch? That's how you talking about sports. I don't know. No. Don't keep saying you guys. He's not a ram.

He's Jake Ellenberger, all right? All right, I'm sorry. Aren't you happy? You fucking, I didn't like the last podcast with Jake. Jake got a little too high. And I wanted to do Joey Diaz, Christkiller, and Lee Syatt, Jake Allenberger, too. And Jake Ellenberger just to let people know that. Don't mess around with drugs.

You understand me. Especially weed from Joey Diaz and a bung. You never know what you're going to have. It ain't the same. And I didn't mean any malice at all. I thought you could handle it. I know. I heard you were fucked up until about two in the morning.

You didn't know what to do. Did you really take an Uber home? Oh, yeah. Oh, you were fucking. Yeah, I was like, I can't drive. I'm fucking. I went eight. That didn't do nothing.

I was talking to K. I was like, I already know what time it is, what day it is. I'm Uber and home. And when you walk up the next morning, how did you feel? I was fucked up. Still? Yeah, a little bit I was still a little bit like

What? I don't know I was There's a weed hangover I had the The snippets Like the visual memory Like a little snip

Like Kind of piecing them back together But That's crazy Where did you go to eat I don't even know Some joint down the street Mexican place

Yeah Mexican place Yeah they went I know where they were I couldn't tell you she said she goes yeah he was high for a little while after what did you give him i said i didn't give nothing there's no stars he just smoked i gave you like 31% weed yeah and you're a healthy guy you took a big bong hit and they just kept creeping on you like a finger in the ass it just

kept getting deeper and deeper and i would ask you questions and you would like shrug them off i tell you thank god we have a great great people listen to this show and they love that shit Like we fucked up a couple people here, and a lot of them with stars. You know, we had Ada who ended up in the hospital. We had a girl who had to put on the couch. George Perez had to lay him down one night. The best was Owen Wilson. Owen Benjamin got up and walked out and kept walking.

Next time I talked to him, he was on Ventura and Van Nuys walking around a loss. They moved to Vermont. He studied using the N-word, and they threw him off Twitter. Oh shit. So somebody sent us a tape of him. You got to leave? Before we end this, watch this. He goes, somebody sent us a video, a YouTube video,

of us with Owen Benjamin. This is what pushed him over the edge, the star of death that pushed him over the edge. The podcast had changed Owen Benjamin's life. Jesus Christ, Lee. He's supposed to have this shit. They can see it. news right i'm just making so they can see it who could see it the people are watching all right

well hit it we're waiting on flowers here the church of what's happening now monday the day the devil was buried in the sea of fucked in the ass and lit on fire and dropped off at kowski's house oh shit owen benjamin what's up lees iat uncle joey get those shoes on bitches Oh shit, pump out those moves. Cock suckers. What? What? What?

What's the story, Lisa? I'm doing good. Oh, my God. These stores are kicking in fashion. Yeah, yeah. We're not fucking around. I've been fermenting these. You know what I'm saying?

These have been sitting in the dark. Oh, and Benjamin, what's happened? Just the stars are kicking in pretty hard. Yeah, and I wouldn't even let you eat the second one because I know these things smack people around really hard. I've done comedy now since college, so I was always traveling, so I never really looked forward to more. It's almost like our job is people's

party. So it's like you don't live in the frat house. You know, you kind of just kind of go. Owen Benjamin just gave me a look that I recognize. It's a look that's telling me. What's that? Oh, that's crazy high? Yeah.

Yeah, I'm sorry. No, but it's cool. Like, all your story. You want more water? Because you're such a descriptive talk or that everything you're saying I'm like literally seeing in my head. It's really fun. Oh, and we're feeling all right? Yeah, I'm just... Yeah, I'm just...

I'm fucking crazy high, though. Okay, you want me to... You want more water? Yeah, nice. Let's do some water. Fuck. I told you, you want to eat too. I saved you because I like you, man.

That his voice changed a little bit, and I know he stays in a lot more. Tchievous. Yeah, those things are strong-moing. Yeah, you just relax. This is the devil here tonight. I fucking farted. Oh, yeah. No, no.

This is a... I want to be around. This is it, thing. See, what the fucking way? When somebody breaks your heart, some... How can you handle six times? Because we're in training on Benjamin.

When Benjamin... When Benjamin... He's coming back. He's coming back. He's making a comeback. Jerry Lewis. This is good shit. These stars are the stars of death,

I'm Benjamin. You want to take a walk? You're all right? Get some man right there. Get somebody on the back one. And take your water with you just in case you're fucking, you know, you want to dehydrate a little bit.

You'll be all right. This happens. They have to do a thousand things, little stupid. He abandoned shit. This is the real deal of church. You know, as a matter of fact, Give me the bag

I'm going to eat another one out of respect I'm not eating it alone No my partner and crying I'm trying I'm going to be Oh my god

Respect for you people You know I love you all in my heart I hope you have a good week I'm eating this star on a fucking solo tip Just to let you know We ain't fucking around no more Take it a fucking leave I ain't got time for the shit no more

Your attitude should be like my attitude It's over were taking over this bitch right or wrong cock sucker i really thank owen benjamin abandoned he's the first guest that has ever abandoned ship i don't know i think he's out there i could see it there was one point where i could see his eye just go hmm thank god he said no on the second one yeah he would have been dead i want to thank owen benjamin these stars are fucking brutal tweet that out though oh my god tweet that out Are you opposed it?

They say opposed it. Okay. So what do you think about that? See, you shouldn't feel that bad. At least you sat through it like a man. You're Jake Ellenberger out of Omaha, Nebraska. I've taken some hits. I've taken some punches.

Oh, my God, that was tremendous. At least you didn't pull a fucking Owen Benjamin on me. You sat there and you took it like a fucking man. Now you're back. He never came back. He just kept going. He packed his family up and they were out of here. they moved to Beverly Hills like the

Beverly Hills I don't know where he went Anyway keep us posted What's the name of your company With the the roller you gave me And the ball? Hyperice yeah hyperice you have a webpage Yeah there's hyperice.com It's great that roll I love it

I fucking love that bro I love it It saves my life It really does man But I wish you the best of luck Your family Whatever you want to come on the fucking podcast Thank you I'm sorry about fucking japping you last time

I felt really horrible And I want to tell you in the face that I didn't jab you. It was just regular fucking strong wheat. And let you motherfuckers know I don't fuck around. So if you come by the voodoo lounge, you too are going to get zapped. They're going to have to Uber home. Remember who else Uber? Tom's a girl or Uber.

Yeah, Tom's a girl. Uber. A bunch of people had to Uber. Yeah, fuck it. We were on fucking around here for a while. No, you hung it out like a man. Appreciate it. So thank you very much.

You're always family. You're always welcome on the show. I want to thank you guys for listen. Don't forget Thursday night, Brea. It's going to be a fucking on and then Friday night. That's all that's available. It's Thursday and Friday, Saturday sold out. So get your motherfucking tickets.

Don't forget Valentine's Day in San Jose. Valentine's Day in San Jose. What are you fucking nuts or what? All right, I want to thank my main man, Jake Ellenberger, too. The first time we had technical difficulties. There was a malfunction. I want to thank the Christ, Killer, but most of them. I want to thank you guys, but before we leave, I want to talk to you about something, all right?

Listen, how much longer can you stand online at the post office? You know, you want your New Year's resolution that you can actually keep, stop wasting your time by going to the post office, and you can send letters and packages right from your desk. Do it today with stamps.com. Me, my wife, that's all we use, and we've been using them for years. Why? Because they bring the Post to U.S. Postal Service right to you. use your computer to print official U.S. postage for any letter or any size package going anywhere in the world.

And the best part is the mailman will pick it up right in front of the house. No more lugging boxes to the post office. Stamps.com is also going to save you money. By giving you a discounted rate on stamps that you can't even get at the post office, you're never going to pay full price for stamps again. And their postage meters are a fraction of the cost. Plus, you don't have to sign a lease. and there's no long-term commitment.

If you're leaving money on the table, if you don't sign up, that's what you're doing. You're leaving money on the table if you don't sign up. So do me a favor. I use Stamps.com personally, my wife, because it's a no-brain. It saves me time and money. Right now, they got a special offer,

a four-week trial, plus postage, and a digital scale to start the new year right. Get your trial today. You own a business, you're starting a new business. A small business doesn't matter. Stamps.com is the way to get. go. Go to Stamps.com right now. Do me a favor. Grab the pen and click the microphone at the top of the homepage and use promo code church. Why? Go to Stamps.com and enter church and start sending your mail

like a doctor with stamps.com. Another business that I love, I love for small business. I love for business businesses is ZipRecruiter. Why? Because it's a smarter way to go. You know what's not smart? job boards that make you wait for the right people to apply for your job. You know what's not smart? Job boards that assume qualified candidates will see and apply to your job post. With this, let me tell you something. This is the best and quickest way to hire. Again, I'm 56.

I got one foot in the grave, one of banana peel, and I believe in saving time and working smart. ZipRecruiter is working smart. Unlike other job sites, ZipRecruiter finds the qualified candidates for you. It's a powerful matching technology that scans through thousands of resumes to identify the people with the right skills, education, and experience. And it actively invites them to apply to your job. So you get the qualified candidates fast. That's it.

You don't got to go through a bunch of bums. That's why ZipRecruiter is rated number one by employers all in the U.S. This rating comes from hiring sites on Trust Pilot with over a thousand reviews. So right now what we're gonna do is this, all right? The church family, you can try out ZipRecruiter for ready for this. Free. Free, you can try it out for free. I don't care whether you have a small landscape and business,

and you're looking for a designer, or I don't care if you have a huge company. I'm gonna give you ZipRecruiter for free. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash church. If you like the show, you wanna show a little support. Again, this is going to help your business. Why not give it a shot? Go to zip recruiter.com slash Joey.

Again, church, C-H-U-R-C-H, that's ZipRecruiter. Dot com slash Joey. ZipRecruiter is a smarter way to hire. I want to thank ZipRecruiter, and I want to thank Stamps.com for supporting us this week. But most importantly, I want to thank you guys for being the best family we could have. You know, not at least too high right now to answer,

but he just nodded his head like a fucking mom-mo. You guys are like a good. a word. Listen, you guys are the goods and I love you. Don't forget Thursday and Friday night bread. A couple tickets left. February 14th, San Jose, the San Jose Improv

and most important. Treasure Island the 22nd and the Fox Theater in Tucson on the 23rd. I love you guys with all my heart. I will see you Thursday morning. Tip top to Magoo, ready to fucking go. Kick this fucking Mulee. When somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart

As I A somebody who will swear to be true As you used to do with me To learn That misery loves company wait and see see how he does it when he breaks your heart two bits if a puzzle fits so fine that's when i'll discover that revenge is sweet as i when somebody breaks your heart like you Thank you.