The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #657 - Dean Delray

Episode Date: February 12, 2019

Dean Delray, comedian, actor seen on "Maron," and the host of the "Let There Be Talk" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:    Hims - Go to ForHims.com/joey for a trial month for just $5.   Squarespace - start your free trial today. When you're ready to build your website go to www.squarespace.com/church for 10% off your first purchase of a domain or website.    Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 02/11/2019.
    

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Tuesday morning, the podcast is finally up. We got too fucked up on Sunday. My apologies. But in the house is the main man of music. My brother, comedian, fucking superstar, Dean Del Rizzi, back from New York. The Christ Kill is here. Your Uncle Joey's here. And that's all that matters, you dirty motherfuckers.

It's the church of what's happening now. Kick it. What the fuck, Dean Dalrizzie. Happy New Year, brother. Man, happy New Year. Great to see you. How long have you been to New York for? Well, like nine months, ten months.

No, but this last run. Three months straight. Three months. I haven't seen you in 90 days. Well, I saw you at Gotham. Right. Right. Gotham, yeah.

Who the fuck knows anymore? I know. These days are moving so fast. That's so true. Once you get out of high school days fly, and then once you're hit 50 and everything's downhill. And you're trying to keep it uphill. It is. Once you hit 50, it's downhill.

You did the first 50. Every morning you got to kiss the floor and say, thank you for giving me another one. And, you know, it's going downhill, but you try to keep it uphill. Not by plastic surgery, just by sleeping and resting and drinking water and walking. And, you know, the days are fucking flying. It's good to have you back. What did you think about the thing called the sun?

Did you see the sun today? Well, I got here yesterday. It was pouring rain. I'm like, what is this bullshit? I was ready for like just some sun, but today it's just, oh yeah. Let me taste something. We've had some fucking serious rain. Yeah.

Like there was some days that I looked out the window and said, I haven't seen rain like this since I was a kid, like heavy. There was one day, 10 days ago, maybe. I could not fucking believe it. It was like, and people were flipping. People were flipping. People cannot handle the rain in Southern

California people. They cannot handle the rain they fold under questioning yeah they just cannot handle it the streets people pulling off it's it's insane but yeah it's been raining at least there's no more drought yeah outside your bathroom window with a stopwatch you know i know you're saying you're out of your shower with some guys out there yeah you're in the shower for a minute fuck you so yeah yeah i remember the 70s yeah 70s they had that and they were they would say like you had to shower with your parents i was like that's creepy yeah fuck you shower with your We gotta save water.

You remember us being kids and they had the gas. Gas wars. No, not the gas wars when they would put the flags up. I remember the odd and even plates. Yes, the odd and even plates. I go back, let me tell how old I was with the flag. Yeah. The flag was like you had to go to your local DMV

or something and get the color green, red, or orange. It's the only time we could buy gas. And if you had green, it was because you had a family and shit like that. Like if you were single and lived by yourself, you were like an orange. They would only let you gas get gas once a week. It's so crazy to think about that. The color codes.

That was during the Ayatollah, command. Early 70s. This is early 70s, late 60s, and just come from Cuba. And those, you know those orange cones that you see on the street? Yeah. The flags would be in there. Wow. The flags would be placed in there.

So when you drove by, you knew it was your day to get gas. I just remember odd and even plates So whatever your plate ended with a six You were even if it ended with a five you were odd And that's how you'd get gas It'd be odd and even days Was it a lot more expensive than it used to be? No, but there wasn't gas

But there wasn't gas Wow, I'm surprised Now they would raise the price Oh yeah So now it's a different fucking world Yeah How was New York How was his last run of New York

I mean it was great I respect and admire the fuck out of you just, you know, there wasn't enough spots here. You know, you have the comedy still laugh. And you don't do bad here, but you just wanted more action to tighten your shit. And where do you go in Antarctica to fucking tighten your shit up? And I mean, New York is a different comedy experience than LA. It's so weird.

Yeah. When you eliminate the TV and all that shit, you see more pure comedy, I think. Totally. You don't see people selling a TV show up on stage. You see the heart and balls of stand-up. In L.A., people go, well, my agent said to do material on a kid because when CBS comes to see me, they want to know that my material is based on a child and show.

You don't get none of that. It's so weird that it's the nuts and bolts of comedy. And some people can't handle that. Like, I went to New York at an early state of comedy where it was basically designed to kick the fuck out of you. Where every time you walked out of an open mic with 20 other comedians, It was just to test you whether you would jump over the bridge on the way back to Jersey and that, you know, is that. Yeah.

And it made me move back to Colorado and siphon. What did you get from this last experience in New York? What it did for me was I just didn't want to get comfortable. Like, I'm an L.A. comic here. This is what it is. I was like, I need to push myself and be in a different dynamic, writing-wise, performing-wise, different rooms. everything and to be in the comedy seller was uh it was an honor and also i learned so much

these guys are all they're not fucking around the comedy seller is the equivalent comedy store exactly that's the two beasts right there comedy store comedy seller and the guys in there i was work i was working on that tv show we're uh live on uh comedy central live at the cellar and what you do is they give you topics each week and then you'd write some jokes and then they would shoot on Thursdays and Saturdays. Shoot like 40 comics and either your jokes made it or they didn't make it. None of mine made it, but it didn't matter because I was included on the show, which was like to me an honor to be working in this establishment, the seller,

and to be on this show. So each day I'd get out of bed and start writing about these topics. So it taught me how to do some kind of, you know, topical, weekly, jokes. I've never really done that kind of writing where they go, here's the topics. Gas Wars you know Jay Z did this

this happened. You get like three you know type food poison and then you got to write on that and show up. It was hard and it was great and I loved it. You know I found an old picture you the other day. You were just a chubby yeah just fatty. 40 something

year old. Yeah. What were you doing for working then at that point? Selling motorcycles. Right here, I'm in the corner? Yeah, right at Van Nuys Boulevard. And were you making a good living, selling motorcycles? Big money. Really?

Big money. Yeah. Because of your experience or? Because I think I was the only guy there that liked motorcycles. So everybody else was just like employees where that's where they worked and they were burn out. So when people came in, they could tell I knew everything about the bikes. I love the bikes. And they're big out here because you can read in between traffic. And the weather's always great. So they'd come in and I knew everything about them. And other guys would be like, I remember guys would

do this. They would be sitting on the couch like, oh, yeah, this guy never buy shit, dude. And they wouldn't get up. And then I would go up, hey, what's going on? And that day they would buy a bike and they'd go, what the fuck? You know, the guys work. there, I fucking talked to him for two years. He didn't buy shit. What kind of bikes were you selling? Harleys. Just straight up Harleys.

That's a tough sale. Tough sale because it costs big money. And what happened was I was doing it making good money. And then that whole Fannie Mae and everything hit where everybody's loans tanked on their homes. And people just gave their bikes back and no one was buying bikes. So you went from making, I'd say like 10 grand a month to 900.

I remember I got a check for $900. I go, I just worked a month for $900 because it's commission only. And I was like, what am I going to do? You know, because I was just blowing money thinking it was going to happen forever. How long did you work there for? Three years. Three years. It's a nice gig when you're selling and you're making money.

People have no idea how much fun. Oh, yeah. It really is to sell something, the value, not like insurance, because they can't see it. Right. That's a very hard sale. That sucks. You know, anything that you can't. But when you're selling something that you believe, like, I worked with this company when I first got divorced, I thought I was going to work with them forever.

It was pretty basically an old-school telemarketing scam, but I like the product. Yeah. It has a cut through to shit. I guess when you work in doctor's office, everybody else. has to be trained in that stuff. I forget what it comes to mind. There's a guideline that you have to work on. And there's a name for a C-Saw or something like that.

I forget what the fuck it is. And I would call these doctors. They paid me 15 an hour. And 35 every time they kept the thing. And I would work 30 hours and walk out of it. What, I can't tell you how much a week. Yeah. It lasted for like seven months, and then they said they had to move to Denver.

They were moving to, like, the other side of Denver. And I'm like, I can't. Yeah, I can tell you, I'm going to do it. I'll do it three times. I'll get coked up one night, and now this was perfect. There was times I would get coked up until five and still be there at nine. Yeah. What's that fucking guy?

I forget what it is. Not C-So? OSHA? OSHA. Oh, OSHA. It would make every doctor's office OSHA regulars. OSHA regulated. Yeah.

So I believed in it. So I would call these doctors. It's tough to get a doctor on the phone. Oh, yeah. And say, listen, get it, look at it. The scam was it they didn't send it back in 30 days. Then they had to pay the 249 or whatever it was. Yep.

You know how many doctors send shit back? And it makes you, it really did qualify you. So when OSHA came in, you were up to standards and all that shit. You know, when I sold cars, it's funny. The other day I was thinking about my wife and I were talking about how quick it is nowadays to get, what's that word like Kevin Spaceid, you know, to get Lewis C.K.D. Oh. It's, I don't know what the word is to get accused? Like, no, like just one day you're this big thing in today's society.

Not just erased. The next day you're erased, you know. And I was telling my wife, it's kind of like when you go to prison and you're not. name comes out of the paper you getting arrested is one thing when you're gonna rest in and you're gonna arrest it for a pound of weed but when you get arrested and your neighbors see the cops coming to your house yeah and then your name comes out on the paper like page two no even the fucking mailman will drop the mail off weird to you but you don't know that until it happens like when I came out on bail people's behavior towards me was fucking horrendous and it makes you

You know it makes you feel really bad. Yeah. But there was one guy that did not turn on me. There was one guy that was like, fuck it. So what? You kidnap somebody. Good for you. You fucked up.

You fucked up. His name was Jim Wheeler, and his kids owned a motorcycle shop now in like North Dakota. He was originally from Detroit, but he was a big Bruce Lee guy. And I never forgot that guy. Like, I never forgot Jim Wayne. His son listened to the podcast one day and hit me up on Facebook. book and said when you said his name it blew our mind and he was one of the only guys and like he was getting married like two weeks later he's like he coming to the wedding and people coming up to me at

the wedding just looking at me and turning their heads like it was that fast yeah yeah and the point I was trying to make it's like it's I enjoyed my salesman days when I sold cars those days you just you're nothing but a salesman you talk to people and they're like can you give me a brochure and you have to, like, it's an art to take somebody who's looking for a brochure and go, you hear it already. Yeah. Why look at a brochure? Let's take it for a drug.

And you don't even, you learn how to control a person by not controlling them. Like, you learn how to cut words out of your, you know, then you go to seminars and you learn that if you're having a conversation with somebody and you turn your back on somebody and start walking seven other ten times, they'll follow you. Did you ever hear that fact? Yeah, yeah.

Like if you're talking to something, you turn your back and start walking impulsively, like into whatever that word is, they start following. Yeah. So that's the same thing you have to do. Like some people come in and go, hi, I'm here looking for a car from my daughter. And I got a brochure, for sure. You've got to learn how to say that. Yeah. Without being like, there's guys or the salesmen that are just dicks.

Oh, yeah. They're just dicks. I worked through this one guy. He was just. They're just dicks. They bitch off there, how they don't sell. I got no money. I got no money.

This guy's taking all my customers. It's always that one. Taking my customers. You know how you never forget those things in your life? I know. Like that you did, that was just right. The first month in the business, I sold 13 cars. Yeah.

I was the same way. Like my first week, I sold like six. People were going crazy. I had made like 10 grand my first week. It was unheard of. Like I was off and running. Yeah. Like the first week I had bought like shitty suit.

I went to this men's warehouse and bought like $500 worth of clothes. My mother-in-law let me her credit card, and I had pay her back $15 a week for 10 weeks. And I bought like, you know, three suit jackets, four pair of pants, two pairs of shoes. But that's like two checks. I was fucking getting done up, Jack. I was buying these attorney suits and shit.

Yeah. And I felt like somebody, like for a change, I felt like somebody, the drug addiction part was killing me. But the process, like my dick would get hard. I'd see how Sailing would treat people. And I'd go, I would have handled it. And then I would just look at people and tell them how what. I wouldn't tell the Sailing.

But I'd watch them and let's see how they fucked up the whole thing. Oh, totally. Because they got into a talking match. It's a lot like comedy. Too many words. Yes. And the sale's not going to happen. And the sale's not going to happen.

Too many words. You say the wrong word in there and they're like, yeah you know it's really wild it's got to be it's and also you have to love it when they know that you love the bike or the car they're on board but if you're just kind of like yeah you know the thing i always got them with they'd be like these are kind of dangerous right and i'm like yeah if you're a pussy you're not a pussy right no well take it you know they don't want to look like a pussy it was believe what was the most popular Harley the fat the fat boy used to be huge fat boy what's that go for the fat boy the fat boy right now grow 18,000 and what's the one you had road king that's 25 25 grand

yeah road king and then there's one right above it called the road glide or the ultra that's the one with the big faring and the music I had that one for years rode that across country and what's that go for do about 32 what do people usually put down and something like that you only got to put down 10 percent but harley for a while if you got good credit would take zero down yeah zero zero zero down everybody will take zero down if you did numbers are right yep yep exactly they lease motorcycles no they don't lease and they never did that but i got an interesting story for you i was selling motorcycles and then i started to work at the factory and i and i started to work at the factory and i I was making some money.

I was working there like four or five days a week. I go, doing what? I was, you know, doing comedy. I had got passed at the factory. And I was like working quite a bit.

And then all the sudden they switched bookers or whatever. And I wasn't working at all and had to go back to selling motorcycles. So I had left a job, was full on comedy, and then had to go back. And when I went back, I was selling beemers. And they had a thing that was...

Use cards? No. motorcycles, BMW motorcycles on Santa Monica Boulevard. And they had a thing called the 3Z where you could buy a bike, ride it for about a year or two, and then

trade it in, it was like a lease. And trade it in for a new one. Just keep getting the newer model with no mile restriction. Restriction at all, which was wild. So I got on that. People were like, you always got a new bike. I was like,

yeah, man, I just get one ride the shit out of it and then get a new one. Because I was riding it everywhere doing comedy. I was doing like 30,000 miles on a bike, unheard of it. Now, BMW and what the State Patrol uses. Yep, the Highway Patrol. And so that's a good bike of BMW

motorcycle. One of the best bikes ever made. And what are they, how many bikes do they have, like compared to Harley? They got like 10, 10 models. Really? Yeah, they have one. I've seen a lot of BMW bikes, and I always wonder

bottom you know I started off as a motorcycle yeah I come from the 70s Kawasaki yep Suzuki that's Honda yeah I had the mini trail and then I moved right into fucking Kawasaki and Suzukiville yeah nothing made my dick harder to be honest here than the Suzuki XL 80 right that was the bike that broke my fucking spirit yeah like that was the first time I had done speeds that I had never done before oh yeah like the 50 I bought it out you You're like listening going, Joe, you're 50, you're a pussy. I know.

Yeah, yeah. I was 11. That was it. But the time I was 12, 13, I think I was 12. I got on the X-L-80. First thing I got on the Honda. Honda made a 75. Yep.

I forget what that. Excel. And then, Okawa-Saki made an Excel. My friend sold me on the fucking decked-out 80 Suzuki, and it was fucking great. Yeah, well, Suzuki had the R. The RM. But I'm talking 73, 74, 75, and then I got the dirty Suzuki 125. You know, because what we had was a group of guys that we all liked the same bikes, but what we do is I like the Suzuki. You like the Kawasaki. Get the Kawasaki. I'll get the Suzuki. You get the fucking Honda. And we'll just switch.

Yeah. Like we would just switch. I don't think we were getting high. No. Yeah. I would get hired. I never got high on road motorcycles. I was fucking paranoid. Yeah. Just that little switch that I had to make.

There was too many cars for me. Yeah. And I still remember doing three on a bike. I still remember. Three out of bike. I still remember Frankie Balzano driving. Me on the back holding on for dear life yelling and his girlfriend alone of Merton sitting on the handlebars on Route 3 fucking.

And me holding on for dear life going. I'm going to fucking die without a helmet on. Oh, my. God. That was really my explosion explosion, but you know, my breaking comedy was that first bit nuts to butts

about riding my buddy riding on the back. He crashed and I said, get on. I got to take him to the hospital. He's like, I'm not going nuts to butts with you. And it killed for a couple years, people would be like, nuts to butts

all everywhere I went. I thought I was going to be I thought that was going to be the only bit I ever had. I remember talking to DeLea about it. I got, dude, your big, big closer. How did you ever get something? He goes, yeah, you think you're never going to get something. And then one day it just happens. It was so weird.

So, like, my comedy was from motorcycles, which is pretty interesting. Now, do they hire anybody for motorcycles, or do you have to be a motorcycle enthusiast? Or can I, or can I, tomorrow, walk into BMW and go? If you can do sales, yeah.

I've never, I rode motorcycles. I haven't been on one, and close to 40 years, I've been on a motorcycle. I have not been on a motorcycle close to 40 years. Wow. And there was a time when I couldn't think straight. Like, I had all the brochures. Yeah. I had all the magazines, you know.

My mom didn't really know what was going on. Like, I had different helmets and different bikes hidden and shit. Yeah. You don't want your mom. I would save money. I really had a 75, but I had an 80 around the corner at fucking Sabatino's garage.

His mother would pull me aside and say, does your mom know about the bike in my garage? Not Mrs. Sabatino. Don't worry about it. I loved all that shit. I still remember trading it and she didn't catch it. And then one day she came up from the laundry and she's like,

when did you get a big motorcycle? Like, I was already on that trip when I was 12. I was making business moves without them even known and they were playing catch up to me like when did you get the bigger motorcycle where'd you get the money from yeah you know I worked at the bar I did the numbers for a few weeks you know and she would just shake ahead like you're always up to no good I was a helmet enthusiast I loved helmets and shit I fucking loved helmets so I'd be at that this is I'm 11 guys I'd be at the Kawasaki place jerking

off all day yeah helmets and bicycles there was a Kawasaki place a mile from my house when I was a kid. And today, it's not there anymore, but down the block is a white castle. Could you imagine that white castle would have been there when I was a kid? You walk up 39th Street, you'd make a left and right there.

It was around the corner. And we'd walk up there. We'd ride first. We'd ride until we couldn't ride anymore. And then go home, take showers, and then we'd walk up the hill and go to the car we'd place and fucking, you know, we were kids.

Yeah, yeah. I rode forever, man. My first one was that, you remember the mini bikes with the Briggs and Stratton? Oh, fuck, yeah. Yeah, this kid Dominic. Yeah, home welded. With the, with the fucking screws on the bottom.

Oh, all right. It was only four screws holding that engine to that frame. I remember this kid Dominic had a couple, and he sold me one with my paperout money, and it caught on fire. How much are these bikes? Eight dollars? What do you mean? How are you buying them in cash as a 12-year-old?

Oh, I bought the mini-bikes. How much was your... For like 50 bucks. That was your... The Manny bike. The Stratton one you're talking about? Yeah, Briggs and Stratton. 10 or 15 horse engine.

You pull the thing. Oh, my God. The fucking throttle would... The string would break. Oh, break. Stick right open. You'd have to jump off it. Guys, you have no idea.

For some people, listening to the podcast, they remember. They're older than. Oh, that shit's real. That shit's real. And then the string would break. And you'd have to take the fucking cover off it. Oh, and re-wrap it.

And re-wrap it. And then, for you. fucking pull it. I had, I was very happy. See, like I told you guys, listen, I just got my life together when I was 44. Before that, I just called it retardville. Because I was really a retard. I had these

bikes. I had this collection of Bikes. Retardville. Yeah, I was retarded. You know, everybody thinks like Joey. No, listen. This, listen to me. I'm telling you, I was retarded. 12 years ago. When I was about 12 or 13, I was set, like I had all the bikes I needed,

all my friends, like my other friend had In India. Oh, yeah, India. India. You know, we were all shared. So you got a different experience. I was very content in my life. But there was this wild man in my neighborhood.

Like, he just didn't shoot a BB gun. He shot darts at you from his window. You know, he was a hunter. He had three brothers that beat the fuck out of him. And like four sisters, there were Czechoslovakian. Everybody, he was a muscle. He was a muscle. The kid was just a muscle since we were kids.

When we were kids, one time, we put it. nail on the board he would have you put your hand on the board and the nail went through it somebody he was like a serial what do you call those like killer if you had to walk to school yeah he would sit in his attic with a blow gun with the blow darts and showed darts at yeah so they didn't know where the darts were coming from like he shot like over 80 students and then one day they realized it was this fucking lunatic this lunatic had one of those brigs of stratt yeah black beautiful finished the tires, the whole fucking thing. And one day, he just mentioned it to me

because I'm looking to get rid of it. I don't know if I traded them. I cannot lie to you. I always tell the story. I think I traded it. But I think I did pay him 40 bucks now that you've seen. Yeah. When I went and I remember it was Christmas Eve.

And I walked three blocks to his house. And I go, yeah, I think I want to buy your bike. And he goes, you know, whatever. And he goes, before you take it, remember the seats not into the frame. Oh, that's how they all were. And I remember taking it home, taking my time. I had to go downstairs. It's like you had to go down these stairs.

Remember where the guy told you in Charles Court to put away the camera and those stairs? I rode those stairs in those days. Like I would ride them on the bicycle. Like you were trained to ride down, whatever you had. And I still remember going down and there was kind of snow and bringing it home. And then my buddy borrowed that bike. My buddy heard me because I was trying to fix the seat.

It was December 24th. 10 o'clock at night and I'm out in front of my house the garage door open nobody's home my mom's got a bar yeah and my stepdad's at the bar as long as I closed the kitchen door the cold air couldn't go into the house so I would be out there with my jacket trying to screw the seat there and I'm revving it yeah because he was a fucking motorcycle nut yep he was like a motorcycle bicycle I'm back in the book I was writing him out of the other day that when you stole a bicycle all you had to do is wheeling to him two days later you'd see that bicycle and you're like that's not the same bike and he's like yeah he would paint it scrape off the VIN number

put a new VIN on it like he would make the badges himself the kid was a genius yeah he's a dentist today he won't return my calls he would fucking take the pop to fin off put a new but then there was a number

in the back of the bike that's how they would determine if your bike was stolen he would buff that off with his father his fucking the bristles. He had the bristles. And one night, I knew he was like a bicycle

enthusiast. Like if you had a bicycle, he had to ride at first. His parents wouldn't let him ride a motorcycle, but he knew everything about him. He knew A to Z about how to build a bicycle, the inside to now. Like as soon as I was outside Revenue, it took eight minutes to hear all the storm windows going up.

Yeah. And for his head to pop out. And he came down. And I had him and the kid next to him was a white dude with a crew cut. He could fix anything. So any bike I got, Michael Clemens was his name. He would bore that motherfucker out. Yeah, yeah.

Which meant that you gave it extra CCs. Dudes out there like that. So if your bike wasn't 80, he would add bigger pistons. He would fucking do the spark plugs for you. I'd get goosebumps. Yeah. Michael Clemens would come over to my house and go, you know what the problem with your bike is?

And he'd just start doing shit. Dropping things, changing oils, changing air filters. Are these even still allowed? Because these sounds like motorcycles that you build yourself. I guarantee there's a couple of them still out there. Oh, yeah. There's some vintage bikes out there. Also, I saw every year Sears would sell that same mini bike at Sears.

Which one? The actual mini bike that looked like the one you could buy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, Sears had one. Sears had it in the catalog. You'd be like, oh, there it is. It's the same thing, but all nice. I'll tell you what I almost bought. I almost bought a three-wheeler.

Oh, ATC. Those days they were flipping already. Yeah, and they rip your foot off. They were flipping badly in those days. Yeah. Yeah. They were flipping them. I was ready to buy one and everybody was against it.

The three wheelers, everybody in those days were like, don't do it. That's what I was going to ask because, like, to me, I would fall on a two wheel. I was like, but to me, I was going to say our three wheelers. I was ready to buy a three wheeler. You had somebody else made three wheelers. Honda. Honda. Honda, they made three wheelers.

ATC. ATC. And they talked me out of them. How did they rip your three wheeler? your foot off. Well, it's three wheel. So you're riding and then it would tilt and your mind would say put your foot down but your back tire would run over your foot.

Oh no. I didn't know that. You would run over your own foot. So they made him illegal and they went to four wheels. So they were three wheels for about three, four years. As a matter of fact, I was talking about him on my podcast and a guy goes, I used to race those and he sent me some photos of him racing the three wheel. You can YouTube it.

It's wild. They still race the three wheelers? They race the four wheelers, not the three wheelers. Yeah, the three wheelers. It made them illegal. When I was about 12, I was going to split the three wheeler. Yeah. Like me and a buddy of mine were just going to cut in on one and own one.

But everybody was like, wait, number one, where are you going to ride it? The cop's going to pull you right over. You're going to bring too much heat. Yeah, yeah. You're going to bring too much heat. They let us ride it. You know, listen, in those days, it was just like now. If a cop's injury, you.

driving a dirt bike he's got every right to pull you over yeah but if you're gonna tell him you go into that park to ride it it's up to him how cool you are now they'll give you a ticket tow your bike instantly so back then let's say that where I went to right now I live in fucking no-ho but let's say I wanted to ride my bike and some of a thousand oh yeah thousand oh correct we would have to carry in the truck we didn't have a truck I'm like a line nobody we nobody had a truck with a fucking carrier no no we would ride those three miles and pray for the best yep and hope that a cop wouldn't see us and chase us all the back streets and yeah oh and the cop never never never never and

i would go on to route three you had to go on to root three for about a half a mile there was a cutting of weeds and once you went in there you would cut all you would cut 30 miles you could go for 30 miles yeah that's before the metal lands and all that industry was built down there just no man it was a shack there was a little shack that sold hot dogs and shit and that was our control spot like we would go there parked the bikes eat and then go into the bushes and then come out just the sun was setting and drink a soda there and eat the hot dog there there was another one up the corner from snappy nappies that was the extent of my yeah snappy nappy nappies go to snappy nappies keep your tummy happy go to snappy nappies they even had a jingle snappy nappy nappy it was tremendous to shillie on the side of the highway

It was on the side of the highway, up the block of the gas station they used to rob, Putnam Field. And then you went down another 50, 20, 30 yards, and that was that little hut that had hamburgers and stuff. And you made a right in there into the wheel. Like, you disappeared like the back cave. Yeah. It was like the back cave. Like, one minute, like if a cop was chasing you, you just veer off. It was thin enough for a motorcycle, but not the road wasn't built for a car.

Yeah. You were out of there. Did, like, kids pass it down? Like, okay, we'll show you how to get to this place? I was showed. Those crazy dudes used to take me down there. And the walk, it was like a four-mile walk to the trains. And if we wouldn't rob trains on the walk back, then you'd break punks.

Yeah. Those sticks that you like to chase the mosquitoes away. Oh, yeah, yeah. And we'd each get ten punks. That's $10 because you sold them. That's how you let your fireworks. Yeah, that's how you let your fireworks. But you also lit them in your back.

had to keep the mosquitoes away. If your family was too cheap to buy off. Off. Or the ring. Remember the ring? The ring that you'd like the ring and the mosquitoes wouldn't come around. But if you let a punk, the mosquitoes wouldn't come around.

So I knew my way around those swamps. The kids always tried to scam me. I don't know for sure. They said they had quicksand down there. In Jersey, anything's possible. I love quicksand. They had quicksand. I never stumbled upon it.

I think there were rumors. People would say, be careful down to this quick sand. Quick sin. You'll get sucked into the mud, you know. And as a kid, you're like, oh, my God, how exciting. Like to get sucked into the mud. Somebody has to pull you out and shit. I never saw no quicksand.

That happened to me, man. I was rafting. My mom bought a raft for my birthday. And me and my buddy were rafting in this river. And the tide would come in. It would be full. We didn't know anything about tides. And then it went out.

And our boat was just kind of sitting there. So I got out of it. Like, I'll just walk the boat out of the riverbed. all the way down, stuck in there. No. Yeah, they had to call a fire truck, and they put the long ladder out, and then pulled me out. I was stuck in mud. It was because once the water's out, it's just deep, deep mud.

How old were you? I was like 12, 11. This is outside of San Francisco. Yeah, so I was scared out of my ass. Like, I'm stuck. I'm going to die. You know, because it was just mud all the way. And if you moved, you sank more like quicksand.

Oh, man, my buddy. Cometizing was that as a child. It was so wrong. I think it was like 11 and we were right at the trussle and my buddy was in the boat still just yelling, help, help for like a half hour. And then someone just happened to look over and then they called the fire. And then I remember they were going to try to charge my mom. The fire truck charged the company, you know, for helping me.

She's like, they're like, yeah, we're going to have to charge you for rescue. She's like, get the fuck out of here. That really happened. It's so nuts. It just hit me just now. I remembered that. Yeah, that's something a lot of people that know that I love. And I still think about buying a motorcycle, getting the truck, doing the whole thing.

Yeah. I just don't have the time. It was like if I moved to a remote area. Yeah. If I could just get on a motorcycle, do 35 miles, put a helmet on. I don't need to fucking jump ramp. We were jumping ramps and shit. Oh, yeah.

I was doing all that stuff, you know. Burr and I went out to Riverside. My buddy has bikes in a truck and he goes, I'll take you guys out there. So we went out to Riverside. They got like five tracks in this one place. They got the beginner track. You bring your own bike, though?

Yeah, but he had a bunch of bikes. This guy, producer Ross Robinson. He's a famous producer. So he took us out there and we got on the baby track and just rode all day. And it was so much fun. Like, there was like six-year-old.

flying over us now like completely over us like move you old fuckers you know flying over us like Batman shit but we had the time of all that we're out there all day we rode all day went home went right to bed just done great yeah you get three oh yeah yeah especially when you're dropping it there's a lot of thought involved when you're a kid that you're very alert you're switching gears you know that's switching gears yeah And then when your right foot hitting and your left fucking hand, one down, four up.

One down, four up. Yeah. That fucks you for a while when you're a kid, man. And this shit all the time, you know, I've been doing this for 34 years now. You know, my head. You drove, you rode cross country. That must be pretty crazy. It's great.

I did it three times. I went to Sturgis five times. That's some of the best times in my life. Just out there riding with buddies to Sturgis. That's so incredible. You can't even believe it. As long as you're not in the frame of mind of like, if we crash out here, we're dead. You can't get that in your head.

Because you're out on these roads, there's no one for hours. You know, like a car would come by and you'd be like, oh, if you run out of gas, there's no cell signal. Because we take crazy weird back routes. Before I got locked up, I would ride a bicycle all over Boulder. I believed, you know, the bicycle lane. I had a beach coma. Is that what you call? Beach cruiser?

Beach cruiser. Yeah. And I would ride in the morning to swimming class. And sometimes I would ride at home to work at hurts. And sometimes I would ride, you know, because you had to dress nice and hurt. You can't be riding a fucking bicycle. Yeah. You'd get all sweaty.

So I would ride in the morning before I swim. I did the biathlons where you swim in the Boulder Lake and then ride your bicycle. I fucking, I like all that shit. But guess what, guys? for the last 20 or 25 years, I just don't trust society in the streets. That's it. I don't trust the people here,

and now more than ever that people are texting, I don't even know how to feel about my daughter on a bicycle. Just because you think a guy is watching you on the side street, they're even worse. They're not watching you. They're texting.

They're not watching at all. So my bicycle days are over. You want me to get a bicycle? I'll get a bicycle, but I'll spin it around the park 80 times. I'll do that all day. Yeah. But that's not what a bicycle.

is for now a bicycle is to fuck and go out and explore and go for a three four mile into a park and look around and get off and drink some water and stretch your legs and you know but on the street of bicycle these guys like terry used to work with a guy that would ride his bike for north hollywood all the way downtown whoa whoa and back and then get on the train to like chatsworth oh north hollywood there's like a train somewhere don't quote me on crazy that takes balls no that takes fucking balls you're bad on out there I would not be on that fucking one-on-one do you can you ride a bicycle on the 101 no no no so it's all sides it's all sides I've never seen a bicycle on the 101 but I don't want to say something that

yeah I'm wrong here you know no people do it I see people walking and riding occasionally but you can't do that well the fire patrol rolls up on you didn't Nick yucef ride a bike a lot Yeah, I used to ride a bike lot. Yeah. It's, uh, I, I raced BMX. That was, that was one of the funnest times in my life, just back in the 70s. I almost came close to BMX. I didn't.

That shit was the shit, I was gonna get into it. It was gonna, like my motorcycle career. I was already on a motorcycle. So I didn't want to go backwards. It seemed like I was going backwards, but I had friends that were, they would go up in the air and spin their fucking front tire. Oh, I loved it. It looked like a lot of fucking fun, man. A couple weeks.

ago you know my daughter has little girlfriends at schools and it's really hard for you to connect like for two kids to connect them for their parents to connect yeah oh that's got to be weird right that's weird and luckily enough I've connected with three or four parents that are cool ones a writer for a drama the other guy's an actor who's done the podcast I got another guy who he's a video game designer and his wife's like a fucking world leading chemist like a matter like a doctorate chemistry she can make cocaine

I mean I've grilled her and shit she's from Jersey she's very cool and one night we figured listen why don't we all get together and let the wives hang out with the kids hang out and we'll hang out and we ended up watching like something for a little while and then we're like you guys were at my house

and I go you know I have an office why don't we come over to the office and I came over here with them I think Lee was doing comedy in Riverside that night or if not I would invite it Lee and it was two of them and me and I put on I was just putting on random shit

you know and I put on Pink Floyd first and we were basically talking about kids and acting and his video thing but I threw on the first Arrow Smith and after I two or three songs he goes let's stop this conversation he goes what is it that you have on

and I go Aerosmith and he goes Jesus fucking Christ you know I bought arrow smith in 99 with Jamie's got a gun yeah and I said he goes that's not aerosmith and I showed him the album company goes Jesus Christ where'd you get this from I go you know sadly enough what most people don't know is that they're one of the few few bands that really really really resurrected themselves oh like Jesus like they did a better job than Jesus because Jesus left after 40 days yeah these motherfuckers stuck around and now and then they in their 70s, you know, Joe Perry is suffering from a bad kind of time right now.

He's thinking of touring. The other guy was on Rogue and really opened up my eyes. But Stephen Tower. It's sad that people have forgotten. You know, people are bringing up blackface from that governor in Virginia. Don't bring up blackface. Bring up fucking, if you're going to bring up something from 1975, bring up toys in the fucking attic.

Yeah. Yeah. Bring up the good stuff. And, you know, we have a lot of young listeners on the show. You know, we play a lot of music here. Yeah, I've seen those guys. And I'm still waiting for their new material to come out. What are the new young guys?

Everybody calls the next Led Zeppelin? Yeah. What's their name? Greta Van Fleet. Great band. But come back to me when you do five albums. Yeah. Come back to me after physical graffiti, okay?

And then talk to me. That's the problem. People do three songs and we jump up and down. I'm not taking nothing away from Greta or nothing like that. What I'm trying to do is establish art. story that we're trying to tell to let people know that the first six Aerosmith albums, five, because you like Nighting the Ruts. I don't. Yeah. I like parts of it. And then today I found that why, because half of it is Tyler, but the other half is Crespo. Yeah, Jimmy Crespo.

Tyler quit in the middle of Joe Perry, Joe Perry quit. I'm sorry. We're both two Aerosmith guys. Yeah. Describe to them what Aerosmith was in the 70s. I saw Aerosmith What was the first time you saw Irosmith? 1978 And it was One of those Danda Greens With Ted

I saw them with Ted That's what I saw them Right so that's the same time I saw I have a photo That I put on my Instagram About two months ago That I found online It's probably one of the greatest rock photos

I've ever seen It's just Joe Perry He's got that gray streak Leather pants He's playing that Red B.C. Rich, and he's facing the drummer. So you just see the crowd behind him. They were, it was called Monsters of Rock. And they were just a massive, massive rock machine.

Like, everybody knows, like, the five tunes. And it's not even about that. It's about the deep tracks, you know, like, too bad, uh, moving out that one another one I love rats in the cellar nobody's fault

is my favorite that nobody knows about them just all these deep tracks are the ones that blow my mind that you just go like listen to this song and they sound so original only band right now

with all original members still that's crazy out there but those albums are massive massive and when you listen to especially like you know, when you get into rocks, get your wings,

those tunes on there are just insane. And the two guitar players, it's phenomenal. It's weird for me because I grew up around them and they weren't my number one. Yeah. My number one, of course, it was a fight between Sabbath and Led Zeppelin,

and then, you know, then you had everything else stood online, whether it was Skinner, uh, Judas Priest was a close second. You know, I love frees growing up. I love skinned. I loved so many different bands.

But when the first Aerosmith, I'm not going to lie to anybody and tell you, the first thing I ever heard about Aerosmith was people having an argument. Me being a geek basketball player, starting to smoke pot, and being at the courts one day and hearing an argument between older kids about how Aerosmith was done You're never gonna hear from them again They're on heroin The room is out

You know, and me going, Who gives the fuck about Aerosmith? We got led Zepleyn throwing fucking running shit Yeah You know, but then Going to somebody's house And listening to rocks Like getting high

And usually I have a name In a place, I don't remember where I was Where I was getting high and going, Who is that? And they go, Aerosmith rocks and the next day I got up and I walked up to the fucking music store and I bought Aerosmith Rocks

and I put it on and I was completely blown away and I did something I very rarely did in those days. I put on the second album I was very naive and very if I didn't hear the song before I wouldn't put it on and when I heard that second side

and I didn't know what drugs were that I knew what marijuana was but when I listened to that I knew it was heroin like I I just knew it was heroin. Yeah. These guys are into pills or heroin. Something's not fucking right here.

This is too good. Yeah. And that was it. That was my Aerosmith thing. I was consumed by Zeppelin and Sabbath. And then I had a friend that turned me on to get your wings. And now I was blown away after that. I get your wings destroyed me like that cut.

Even on train kept a rowing. I know Joey, but it's a remake. I know. I know they stole it from some blues people. but how they did it. It's studio and then it turned into live. You know, it was just, so I didn't know. I didn't know the order, you know,

after Get Your Wings was when I truly got into it. And I went out and did what anybody else did. I think I bought toys in the attic. Oh, that's the first one I got. That was a good album, but it wasn't rocks to me. And it wasn't definitely get your wings. And then I bought Draw the Line, which I like. That's Kings and Queens and all that shit.

I love Kings and I love that song. I love Kings and Queens. I mean, the guitar solo on Kings and Queens. And now I'm full-fledged Darryl Smith. I hopped the first one with Dream on. I'm full-fledged Darryl Smith. And my problem was, for years, it's not that I've been lying.

It's that I've been choosing the words, not the right words. I went expecting a studio album when I saw him open up for Ted. Right. And it wasn't a studio album. It was them very loose. So I didn't enjoy them.

And we left after half of Ted, we started walking out because we had to walk home. And we had to walk home on the Middlelands. We could still hear Ted on Route 3. On the walk home, you could still hear fucking Ted from the stadium. And then after that, I just bought Nine of the Ruts, and then they broke up. Yep.

And it was shortly after that when I became a real, like it was too late already. Right. Those days when I, this time I had friends that had seen Harrow Smith open up for Sabbath and 76. Like people had all these Erasmith stories and I had missed them. And then they came and they played from the Metalands. So think of being at the L.A. Forum on one year, selling out, people drooling all over you. and then three years later

being that what's the worst rock club in Hollywood oh yeah just being at like I would say you know like actually over in the valley

FM station that was the old yeah that's what they were they were the soap factory at Ridgefield Park New Jersey which at least had the dignity in plain New York City which they probably did

and I just wasn't up to it and I went there and they were a fucking heroin mess. And was that without Joe Perry? That was without Joe Perry? I saw that same thing. They played the Sacramento State Fair. Oh, they were paid for it. And the song on that tour was Lightning Strikes. Yeah. That was the video.

That was a video. That was the baseball. Horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible. He was so fucked up on that tour. He just stood up there. My fist your face. It was crazy. out loaded he was it was wow remember him somebody throwing a joint to him and him

lighten it and then flicking it back at the audience and there was a problem then there was a fight he got punched in the face a couple times and that was the end of the show and I'm like aerosmith is done yeah and then that's when I really got into aerospace 82 83 and snowmass village yeah I was really getting it into rocks get your wings every day on Saturdays I would go out on the limb and go draw the line. I was a real aerosmith guy. It was too late. It's like I got into two bands when they were already done.

The Eagles? Yeah. 19. I got into the Eagles as a kid. You know, everybody had Hotel California. Of course. Everybody had Hotel California. But then I lost track.

Time moved on. I got into girls sucking tinnies. And then when I got into Aspen, when I lived in Basin, basalt. My roommate had the long run. Oh, great. And I had gone from, I had missed everything in between.

Yeah. The Eagles, uh, Hotel California in the long run. And the long run, it was too late already. The Eagles had broken up. And here I am sitting, coked up in the fucking my bedroom with earphones on. Listening to the fucking long run. I love the long run. I think it's so

underrated. It's one of the greatest, greatest Eagles records. That song, You know, boom, boom, boom, what you're going to do? Yeah. They got like six or seven songs on that. But that was my problem. I got into both those bands.

And they were done. Couldn't go see them live. And I don't know, you know, what you're into right now. I don't know what you people are listening to. Do me a favor. Next time you're going to take a flight or an unusual long car ride. Skip a podcast. Either put on, get your wings.

Start off with that. Either get your wings. You can start off with any of the first. Six. Oh, don't tell Dean Dought. The first five. He likes Night at the Ruts. There's only one song I like from Nine of the Ruts.

The remake of the Shirel song. Yeah. Walking in the Sand. Oh, that's a great one. That's the only song I like on that album. I played it a couple weeks ago. People were booing me. Oh, fuck you.

Booing you, really? Like, there's two albums that you play from that, for some reason, my friend's on Twitter, I don't like. Oh, that's hilarious. Every time I play something from technical lexas to see, they always hit me. There's one guy that hits me with that line from Fike. club yeah you know first rule of black sabbat no technical lexas no technical lexas like people hated it

i loved it i think it's weird as fuck it's weird as fuck but uh like and then one day i put in that that song from night the ruts yeah walking in the sand somebody hit me with that rule number two this album does not exist there's some shit and i'm like ah this is dean dean keeps i listen to it again because you told me. You go, we listen to it, and I listen to it again. And it's got it, but it's not that. And done with, then, so now they disappear.

Yeah. I moved to fucking Aspen, Colorado. I'm living in a hotel and I'm watching MTV and not neither blackwood, but the white girl with the short, blonde hair. Oh, yeah. She came out one day. I'm stoned, I'm watching MTV,

and she comes on and says, you know, because MTV in the 80s they would give you MTV news and they would give you tidbits at the top of the hour. I love that. I love that. That kept you you know Ozzy's making a comeback last night In fact, the other day was the 40th anniversary. He bit the head off. Was it the 40th or something like that? I heard it somewhere. That's crazy.

And she came on and said rumors were wild, mildly circling, and they showed a high school in Boston. It could have been a cat to school. I don't know what it was. but they showed Errol Smith rehearsing in the auditorium. Oh, wow. And I'm like, Earl Smith is making a comeback. Holy shit. And then they put out done with mirrors.

Yeah, Ted Templeman produced that, the guy that did all the Van Halens. I got that, and it was God-awful. I loved it. It just was not what I was used to. I went to see the Joe Perry Project, Ralph Warman singing. Yeah. And the Hart was opening up for them, who was also going on tour now. Hearts said, fuck it, we're getting some of that milkshake money.

So great. Yeah. The chubby one said, that's it. I'm going on Nutra Systems for 12 weeks. I'm putting a girl on. I'm going up there. I'm singing for an hour. I'm going to that.

If John could do it, I could do it. I'm going to that. I had Nancy on the podcast, the other sister, the guitar player. The blonde. Yeah, and she broke the news on my podcast. And it went wild. People are like, they're getting back together. As heard on Dean Dale Ray's, let there be talk everywhere.

I was like, yeah, this is a score. Getting this news. I couldn't believe it. So, yeah, I'll go to that. But yeah, so then they announced the Dun with Mirrors record. And I didn't like that. And then out of nowhere, you know,

by this time, guys, it's 85, 86. I'm beating to the drum. I'm beating to a different drummer. You know what I'm saying? I think I had music. Yeah. I always had music in my house. Yeah.

Through all the moves, you just lose albums and cassettes and there's somebody else's albums or something like that. So I had lost my way with Aerosmith. And I think I was into you two. Oh, that's killer. Joshua Tree. A great record.

And the big album was Deflep and Hysteria. Oh, massive. Massive record. And then somewhere before that was when they did walk this way, run DMC. Yep. And fucking everything changed them. They came back bigger than what they were in the same. 70s and you look

back at it and you really can't believe it. A lot of people don't know they think it all started with Jamie got a gun and Armageddon and all that stuff. Or dude looks like a lady. And I'm not taking nothing away from that time period of them. I just like the earlier

five out six because Dean Dahliazia. I like the earlier six albums just because I don't know, I'm a stoic type of guy. I remember what they meant to me. At that time, they were just dirty. They were dirty.

Aerosmith is a lot like Death Leopard where you and I love Def Leopard before even anybody, they know them from hysteria on, but we know them from on through the night and high and dry. And Pyromania. This morning I opened up the week with the first out.

Rock Brigade? Oh, yeah, watch up for the Rock Brigade. No, no, I opened up with, you know, When you're a fan of a band, you're a fan of a fucking band. Totally. You're a fan because you buy all their work. You look at all their work. You compare all their work on your own.

You don't have to have a panel and call your best friend. You're just going to while. On this album, they let the bass go a little more. This album, the lyrics see, were a little more. I listen to a lot of Dio with Sabbath. And I'm like, who wrote all those fucking songs? Love that shit. You know, the writing is very important to me.

I like, you know, that's what I geek out on. I'm still 50-something years old. Totally. And I still, you know, they closed that fucking record shop in Burbank. That's what you said. That's crazy. People don't know. Burbank, like you hear about all these cities in the country,

Burbank has no rent. Low rent? No rent control. Oh, no rent control. Oh, no wonder. So I was doing voiceovers. Like, I've been doing voiceovers. Not booking them people.

You want a lot of auditions first for voiceovers. You have to put it on MP3 and send it in. I just did one for Buffalo Wild Wings for the fucking stupid, March Madness. I hope I get it. I don't get none of those things that they send me on. But I was going to a lady. You go over there to a Pass Avenue.

Yeah. And she's had that office for 18 years. And you go in there, you pay her 20 bucks, and she puts your voice over nice, packages it for you, send it to the agent, sends it to the cast. director whatever you need she'll do it for you i've been using her all along it's worth it and one day she just called me out of the balloon she goes i'm not gonna be here no more she goes they doubled the rent on me for the spot and i go what are you talking about she goes they double

the fucking rent on me so she moved to st petersburg florida she still says she's doing auditions like she goes she sends the auditions long distance and she goes if i book something i still got a good friend and van eyes and something she said that i could stay with but it wasn't worth it for me no more. And then my wife, when she went for the baby's birthday cake, she walked in and she said your record shop

is closed. That sucks, man. And then something else closed in Burbank. Somebody else. That whole strip, they had a whole big article about it. Okay, they did have the article about it. Yeah. Like they're raising rents everywhere now. It's fucking Burbank is out of control. It's crazy. You could tell they're going to knock out. Like, you

could tell this area here. Oh, yeah. Denny's up on Lancashire after the motorcycle place. Even the motorcycle place. It's gone. It's gone. It's all going to get torn down. They're going to do a. But Burbank closed that record studio.

But I saw that new one in Hollywood. Yeah, that's great. And now Omiba's closing also. No, they're not closing. They're going to move. I heard they found a new building. I'm waiting to hear right around the corner or something. We're waiting for the announcement.

But they're not closing. They're just moving because they sold that building. and the guy's going to do something there. I like that place because, again, I'm very, I like Omiba. Yeah. I like Omiba. I like Omiba because anything I go into Omiba looking for, it's there. I love it.

You can get lost in there. You get lost in there, but you also could go in there and drop $9,000. Oh, it's brilliant. Without knowing. It's heavy. They're heavy. Yeah. They hate you heavy.

Yeah. And I don't mind getting hit heavy for something, but every time I got, one time I did get a tremendous deal on them. Amoeba. I saw the same arm on eBay for a yardstick. Yeah. And I'm like, before I buy it for a yardstick, let me see him Obieba got. I'll be buying it for 10 bucks. So I'm not here

bad mouth on Obiebo. Meeba's come through for me a lot of times. But sometimes you're going to own Miba, and it's $50 for a fucking album. I know. I paid $7.99 for this fucking album. 20,000 years ago. Why is it $59,000? I try to buy them on the road. Like, if I'm out with Marin,

we hit up some record store. And in small cities, where, you know, they think $15 is a lot. And you're like, these are 15, they go, yeah, sorry, it's kind of steep. You're like, cool, let me get all of these. You know, because they're still in the times of low prices. And every time I go to Hollywood, I always send them, so today's the day I go to O'Meba until you go over there.

And they've got a nine-car wait list to get in the garage. I hate that into that little garage. There's no parking around the fucking quarter, and you circle it, circle it, circle it, and circle it. And then you finally go, fuck this, and you just shoot up Kowang and come home. That's all I can think of. Yeah.

Every time I go to Hollywood, I'm going today's the day. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to Omeba. And I fucking go up cold, whatever that street is. And I'll say you're like, really? There's four cars waiting to get in. That means 20 minutes before I find.

And sometimes it's quick. Sometimes it is. And sometimes you go in and you have the, The parking spot right next to the fucking stairs. Oh, I love that. Oh, I love that. You run up and there's posters everywhere. Yeah, photos.

Different bands and fucking photos. And you go in there. But like I said, like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go to date night two Fridays. Yeah. And take my wife and fucking go to all me and just go crazy because I haven't been. It's great. And that's the best time to go anyway, Friday nights.

Oh, I know. That is the best time to go. It's empty. Nobody bothers you. You zip right in there. You can spend an hour. I love looking at my wife and going, see you later. Here's my trick.

Go ahead. I park in the arc light parking lot across the street. And you get the ticket. And then I just have them, have them valid at $3. And then I can be an amoeba for hours. Hours. Just no problem. And not have to worry about...

Well, there will be a parking lot. You don't have to pay. No, you're not to pay. But if it's full, I don't want to park on the street, like, miles away trying to find something. And core, you know. That area down there. Oh, there's some homeless down there. Yes. It's, it's, it's just grown.

Yeah. It's just a bit too fucking much. Well, it sounds that. It's just a bit. But that area. No, no, no, no, no. Guys. Yeah.

I lived around the block from there for 10 years. I lived on Schrader from 2000 or 2000 fucking nine. I was a block from there. I used to walk to Olmeba. As fat as I was, I could walk to Omiba. No problem. walked with me, but no problem. I would walk all around that fucking neighbor. Stop at the jack in a box.

I hadn't gone to that jack in the box in a long fucking time. Last one went to that jack in the box. I had to be when I first started dating my wife, 2000. Yeah. I love jack in the box. I like that fucking place. I mean, like when I was young, it was just so wacky. It was like...

When I was growing up, I wasn't allowed to eat that shit. Jack in the box was up in the Bronx. Yeah. Oh. Brooklyn. And it was scary. Jack of the box and the fish place. It was a fish place.

Long done silver? No. There was one before that. In the East Coast. It was a chain on the East Coast. They were nasty. Yeah. You would get sick every time you ate.

My mom didn't let me. Do you know I wasn't allowed to eat fast food growing up? Oh, I didn't eat any of that either. It was just after baseball games. When I went to Miami, I would eat fast food around my cousins. Yeah. But if I was home around my mother, I wasn't allowed to eat fast food. It's so funny.

And there's nothing better than a fucking Big Mac. Oh. The old school corner pound, Big Macs. I don't like double burgers, though. I don't like I can't eat double patties. That's too much. When I take my daughter to McDonald's, now I control myself. I don't eat no fries, but I eat like the mini.

They have a mini, not Wapa. That's disgusting. Burger King is done. Didn't we get Burger King one time? We threw out the window? I think there was someone else. You told me you had a chicken sandwich or something? Yeah, we ordered food.

We were starving. That was your wife, I think. Wasn't it you and your wife picked up? threw it out the window threw it out the fucking window it was so fucking bad Burger King used to be delicious oh Burger King right chicken sandwiches back when it tasted great oh flame broiled wapper oh it had flavor yeah the fucking those chicken sandwiches were the first it was them and Wendy's ah I love the square burger when Wendy's first came up no no yeah when these first came up I was a fucking

chicken-colored type of motherfucking Wendy's dog I was never really a fucking burger guy at Wendy's. And that chili, you're eating somebody's lamb. Like a little girl somewhere going, misu, misu. I don't know what you call a lamb. Misu. I don't fucking know. No. That's just too crazy.

I went to square burger big time. I loved it. But when I moved here, I was struggling on sunset when I live with Josh Wolf, oh, that 99 cents cheeseburger and a 90 cents a cup of chili. Best. For $3 you'd eat. When you couldn't afford a horse walk, you always had fucking that 99 cent cheeseburger. The junior cheeseburger for 99 cents, and they'd give you a 99 cents cup of chili.

I would go in there like it was Morton's. I would walk in there with five bucks like it was Morton's. Yeah. And I'd be eating there slow and shit, getting like extra crackers to dope up the chili, that you really get full. Yeah. People have no idea what suffering is when you go into a chili and it's Morton's. Oh.

Like, I'm eating the chill. I remember somebody telling me to eat fucking salad once, and I almost took my glove up, smacked them in the face. Joey Diaz did not eat salads from down. I used to live on those two burgers for a dollar. From where? AM, PM across the street from the whiskey. The grossest shit ever, but it was two for a dollar.

That burgers are good, too. Yeah, and they are, right? And then when the guy wasn't looking, I'd go over to the nach cheese and blast it onto the burger and wrap it back up. So I'd have nacho cheese on the burger. Two for a dollar and then to buy a pack of cigarettes. I remember being broke is death and flying out of LAX

and they have that AMPM on the corner of a century. Yeah. And I would go on there and I'd see those two cheeseburgers. And I'd be as happy as fuck. But those are the kind of food they eat. And you say a prayer when you take the last bite. Because you don't know where you're going to end up. It's like coming to this office.

You don't know what you're going to eat a touch by mistake. You might be doing heroin. You might be doing PCP, a chemitine. Ketamine. You'll know what you're doing in this fucking office. Who scares me about those is like getting diarrhea immediately as soon as you get on the plane. Well, you know, you build up a tolerance.

When you're a starving comic, you build up a tolerance. You do. You do. You do. I remember it always had a pickle. I would just immediately just fling the pickle like a coin on a skipping on a river. You know, that pickle's disgusting.

Oh, the grossest. That pickle was old when it got there. It's all burnt into your bun. Yeah, no, no, no, no. It's like the pickles from White Castle. You got to think twice before you buy it into all these shit. See you later to that pickle. Immediately it would just be flying down sunset.

People have no idea those three or four years that you really, you're eating just to exist as a comedian. That's it. You're reading at the club, which is horrible. Oh. And when they give you extra food, your dick would get hard. You were broke. You were flat broke.

When you did an improv, you felt like you were eating like a king. Oh, my God. What about the first time you went to the comedy magic club? They gave you the salmon and one to go. Oh, one to go. One to go. It's like giving you $2,000 in the old days. That was crazy.

Improv in the old days. I go down there. Fuck, if they were offering one to go, you bet your ass. I took whatever the fuck they were given. I go in that kitchen, take the onion rings, season fries. I just learned to eat that shit because that was hot. You don't know no better. You don't know when you're eating next.

No. Yeah. I still remember being in Michigan, man, living off those Subway sandwiches as badmouth as I badmouthed subway subway. Yeah. Those veggie and cheese sandwiches, they fucking, I thank them. I thank them. That should be their motto, Subway, we get you through it.

You know, you're dirt poor. we get you we we we supply the nutrition to get your dreams you know like it's just really crazy to think about the shit you eat on the road like I never went rogue and ate tie and like no no no okay like I never want rogue I didn't eat A&PM a bunch of it but I never raised I never ate hummus I never want to get my pocket whatever I never broke down and was forced to eat like donkey blood or nothing everything I ate I ate with a smile and I said a prayer while I was eating it and some weeks she ate better than others yeah like some weeks you ate better than others you know you and I go into Houston Texas March 7 through the

fucking I don't even know April April April March 7 8 9 March 7 8 9 you know I used to go to Houston and it was just an eating fest yeah like I know I was going to Houston the snort coke and eat and both of my value just as much Connie was the third on the list Yeah. It was the fucking food, you know. Yeah. It's, but now I wouldn't eat half that shit I used to eat. Nah.

Now it's all about eating clean, good stuff. Well, it's amazing. I don't try to eat meat at night anymore. Like the 50s of, you know, yesterday, I don't know if you guys know what happened. Yesterday, we tried to do a podcast here. We and I ate some edibles. For the second time in the fucking, in the podcast career, I fell asleep while I was talking to Steve Simone. Oh, man.

happened was like last May I gave up on the edibles like I started going away from edibles like maybe last April all together and then I dropped off the map from edibles yeah you were always on those stars yeah and you quit them there fucking your stomach up or something something was not right

so I had to determine what what the cause was so I had to make a list of the leavenation right right and it came up with milk it was milk and dairy that were really killing me mozzarella cheese were really killing me and something was just wrong with my stomach so I just gave it all up and after I gave it up I realized how toxic

we were eating those those edibles they're toxic you feel it's like when you go to the dentist and he gives you a prescription of norcos the first two are great the second two are great but after four days of them once you wean off them you're going to go Jesus Christ my body's working overtime yeah to get me back normal that's how bad they are for your body you have to work out and sweat, you know, that shit clings onto your fat. Like, when I used to be a volume sale, I used to love selling volume. I had this connection in Longmoor. But half, when you take a 10 milligram of half volume, your body only uses five.

The other five gets stuck to your fat. Oh, that's insane. You didn't know that? No, because I always knew you had to take a tank because the fives were weak. Week, because there's only two and a half that stick to your fat. I never knew that. If you take a 10, your body only uses. 50% yeah that's why the next day when you get hired four in the afternoon you're fucking

not out during the news because you're releasing that your body releases it's a time release if you eat 10 of those volumes every night they just stock up in your system if you don't sweat to have to drink a lot of fucking water you'll feel the toxicity after you stop doing them and that's how I felt when I got off the edibles in April or May or March whenever it was two months later I'm like that was a little something extra in those fucking things. Yeah, you start feeling way better. It just wasn't THC.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Well, maybe it was THC. Maybe I'm wrong. Yeah. But I clean them up. And every day, it's like what people say to you. When you're an addict, just because you're not doing that drug,

doesn't mean that your addiction has grown. You can be cleaned for 10 years from Coke. And all you need is that one line to get you going, and you're right back where you were. That's what's going on with the country with heroin. Just reset. That you just reset, then you die because you do the, the same amount that you were doing

when you quit. Well, let me tell you something, bro. Me and Lee, and you're the witness. You were here when we did Lee from out of space. Yeah. You were here many a time when we fucking were fucked up this shit. Those edibles that we get now, those capsules, what's the name of me? Yeah, it was the,

what is this, absolute extracts. That we got them from Sam Shown? ABX. A-B-X. Those things are no joke. And Lee will tell you, there's no fucking joke with those. 200 milligrams, and you're 90s. night. Sure.

300. Yeah. And you're done. Like, shit's moving. You can't stop eating. Dude, imagine me on just a hundred. The first time I ate them, I must eat six sandwiches at that home. And every sandwich I kept saying, this is going to be the last one.

Oh. I ate apples. I ate fucking bananas. I ate cashews. I ain't fucking. Just fucked out. You just fuck shit up. I can't do that no more.

I get paranoid to eat at night. These have to be for like cancer patients that, What do they say on them? With 8-2-0 in them. They got oxygen in them and shit. Yeah. These things go right into your system. Dog, I felt it halfway during the podcast yesterday.

We can't release that podcast. Yeah. We had a guest who was some, we were sitting around here for a while waiting, not for Steve, for someone else. But yeah, those. And the thing about those is, is animals take a while to kick in sometimes. I ate that 30 minutes before I got in. And when I walked to the door, I said to myself, how fucking hungry am I

and my wife I just made a tremendous lunch from me in the door I go how can I be hungry we got so hungry that we paid 60 bucks for three sandwiches delivery and they had a deliver from before the podcast

started that's how high we got by 2.30 we had to order sandwiches and how fast did they go down there was a little sausage one and Lee kept looking at it like I didn't know it was over that I didn't know Stephen kind of

I was going to eat it. And finally, we just, we ate those sandwiches without saying. And Simone was not hot. Yeah. It was just me and Lee. And then I popped another one. I go, Lee, let's do another one. And that was it.

It was night, night after that. Wow. I wish I would have seen that because I'd never seen you out like that. I caught myself right here. Yeah. Telling a story and just waking up. And Lee and Simone going, oh, my God. And then I left here.

I went home and I was watching cartoons with the baby. Maybe 15 minutes, she would poke me and go, Daddy, wake up. I was fucked up. And she went in the tub. I went back there and talked to her. I don't know what she said. Yeah.

And then I went out to the couch and I told you guys that I was hungry last night and I'm like, this is not happening. Because she just went grocery shopping so I know there's baloney in that. Ballone. Somewhere in that fucking... Ballone.

Because she makes it for the kids, the sandwiches to school. Yeah. So she hides it because I'll get up, I'll cut a house. the lettuce and I'll start making bologna and cheese sandwiches with lettuce until the cows come home. A little mustard.

I told you. I have no reason to lie to anybody. Two, three weeks ago, one night, the first time I got those was a Tuesday. And I got on stage, I got out of stage and I go, how bad could they be? I popped one. And when I got out stage in the original room, I was already feeling the Tenglies. By the time I got over Laurel Canyon, I could eat a

fucking mule. I was thinking about going to yum yum, fucking them up. And I control myself. I go, I'm not going to yumbums. Somebody told me that yumbium got a great jalapeno croissant. Oh, shit. You put turkey on this out of something? They say, I'm like, I'm fighting and I'm not going to yum yums.

And I went home and I sat there and, bro, I just started going off. Oh, fuck, man. First, it was two or three bananas. Then it was a red apple. Then I started in with the cashews. Oh, shit. Once I eat the cashews and I'm hungry, I'm done after that. It's all I remained for himself.

So I made one bullet up. sandwich with American cheese and lettuce drank the Coke Zero and I drank a night another sandwich you got to stay off I think I really ate four sandwiches Four sandwiches and the thing is it It doesn't even seem like you're eating a sandwich

It seems like if you have like one Two bites and then they're gone It was crazy it really is this is If you really want to get high Find those things I think the people that These are designed for people that get chemotherapy Because they're not

That is chemotherapy Your body's rattling I'm telling you that last night. That's what I'm saying it because you're not hungry and this will make you crazy hungry. I'm telling you that last night there was a point where I looked at my body on the couch. And I looked like one of those fat guys. My 600 pound life. Shamu!

I had my two legs on two different footrest. And I was spread out on the couch and I was giving myself until 10 o'clock. I go 10 o'clock. I got to stay up until 10. And I kept saying, I'm going to make a protein shake. And finally, I truly was one ham gunk. My left leg, I finally picked it up, got on the couch. and I go, I'm going to make a protein shake before I go to bed

because it's better to drink a protein shake before you go to bed so you rebuild your muscles. I was scared to take the nine steps into the fuck. I went into the bedroom. My wife was reading a Kindle and she goes, that's it. I didn't even answer her. I just took off my shirt and took off my sweats. I usually put pajama bottoms on.

I went to bed with my me and d'is. And she was talking to me, bro. I cuddled up. I put that sleep at me a mask on with that. That hose sticking out. I put the fan on 10. Usually it's on 4. It was like blowing wigs off and shit.

I fucking hit it hard. I didn't call nobody. I didn't talk. I didn't even plug my phone before I went to bed. That's how fucking high it was. Dude, you're a fucking pro. Imagine rookies on that. Imagine.

I pass out of it. The heat's on here because it's sort of wintry. Yeah. He left at like five-ish. He called me a couple times. and I I I was like about six and you wake up but you don't know you're asleep so you kind of wake up startled a little bit and I was sure it was 8 o'clock it was 10 p.m. I woke up here a week ago at 7 a.m.

Oh man I got up I go why isn't the podcast up I go I don't even want to know oh yeah because I was just as high when I was four we had four of them that night I thought I called him at nine he goes you're not going to believe it and I left him here at a eight 8.30 at night. Oh. And he said he woke up at 6th day in the morning. Done. Done.

Done. These things are fucking done. The coma. Done. The lights are all along. Like everything's on the window. The door's open. I'm done with edibles.

That's it. I'm done. Yeah. All right. Let's write the time down. You're done with edibles. What's the date today? February 11th.

By February 11th. Funeral for the edible. In six hours, we're taking more of them. Bro, this morning I woke up, Rob. There's two left in here, though. No. There's one for me. It won't for me.

wants to leave. That's the good buy yellow brick road tour. At least father's coming. So we're going to give him two of those. Oh shit. Just put him on the couch and rub his little head to him wakes up on four days later. It says, what the fuck happened? I don't remember

my vacation in California. That's insane. They're fucking insane. So yeah, man, we'll go to Houston. We're also going to Minneapolis in the 19th. I can't wait. And we're going to Milwaukee on the 20th of the Pabstead. I'm happy that you had a chance to come on. I wish people really listen to all these Aerosmith's album.

I wish we convince some young people to fucking put the first five, six albums on. The fucking first album is tremendous. It's filthy, dirty, rusty, you know, it's got the original dream on. Yeah. Original dream on. The dream on. Masterpiece. And obviously, anyone can listen to it, but just, just, you know, just, you know, I'm a little.

Just because one of the first times I ever went to your house, Joe, was you showing me Aerosmith and just giving me, like, like, can you tell, because we have a lot of people in Boston. Like, can you tell the people in Boston, like, why, if they haven't listened to Aerosmith, like, what Aerosmith meant to Boston at that time? Because, like, that. You just think about it. You think about 1973 through 76.

What was going on? The Red Sox were on top of their fucking game. The Celtics were on top of that game. The Patriots, they went to the Super Bowl with Andre Tippett, but they lost. Yeah. I don't know what the hockey team was doing, the Boston Bruins,

but it was a tough city. Yeah. I had never gone out of it. I'm not going to tell you, I'd have never been to Boston, but I knew just from reading, just from how Dave Collins played the game, just how the coaches,

I knew it was a sports city. Oh, yeah, totally. So you think about this. In 1976 or 75, the Red Sox went to the World Series against the Cincinnati Reds, and Boston was still playing locally around, you know,

I mean, they would be huge after the album that made them was draw the line. Yeah. No. Yeah, the fourth album was the one that put them internationally and they really. Well, what do we got? We got Toys in the Attic had had the hit on it, walked this way. Right. So Toys in the Attic was the third one.

That was a big, big record. That was a big, that's the one that kicked them over. It wasn't draw the line. Yeah. It was Toys in the Attic because it had big tenets. Yep. And walk this way and a bunch of shit. So, you know, think about Boston at that time.

Think about there's no internet. Think about there's really no 200 channels. It's just you, the Celtics, the Red Sox, the Bruins, or the fucking New England Patriots. And this is banned out of Boston. That's on the national level with Led Zeppelin. And, you know, so think about how hard it was to creep out of Boston. in those days. It wasn't like, you know,

it was tough. There's a lot of shit going on. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you want me to see long-haired people? Yeah. I can go to the Boston Celtics and sit there with gentlemen with military croutons. You know, John Havlicek was the staple of Boston. And you ever see what? John Hamletchuk looks like a fucking

quiet boy. Yeah. His hair's done on the side. He's number 17. You know, Boston had this reputation. He has these dirty guys. Dirty. Supposedly they were on heroin. And that's why, by the way, not to throw anybody off. Recommended reading.

If you're going to listen to these Aerosmith Town and you do your homework assignment, wrap it up, take care of yourself, and buy the book, Walk This Way. That's the book. I think it came out in 98, 97. That book's crazy. Buy the book, Walk This Way.

Bobby, don't send it to me. I got it at the house. It will send me any book we talk about. I already got it at the house. Bob Lillinger says I'm mad in Chicago. But Walk This Way is a tremendous book. Because it's not the band's story from the singer or from the manager. It's from all five of them.

And you can see how people's perspectives is. That's why I liked about it. That someday, me, you, Ranan, Basio, and Lee will tell the story about what we did for Leonada Space. Yeah. And you're going to say we did heroin. Rainin's going to say we did ecstasy. I love that.

I'm going to say we did 22,000 edibles and Lee's going to say we did. say I don't know what I did it was a lot everybody's story that I did acid I did this I did that you know what I'm saying so it's everybody's story and I learned a lot I learned about the perspective of their band and it also taught me about what a band perspective is I never looked at it through those eyes yeah you know we're standing up comics we worry about ourselves I got to worry about Lee not doing too much heroin and OD that's the worst losing one of your guys it's like yeah and these guys kept it together I mean towards the end they didn't talk to each other to see that

interesting dynamic that they still got to put out an album called Rocks and it was tremendous and at the time they were not talking to one another. I don't think Tyler that's so bizarre. They were just crossing the night and day. One guy was singing at night and one guy

was laying his tracks down the daytime. And I think it ended because Perry's wife threw a drink at somebody else's wife after a show. I forget the story but it was definitely that kind of shit. Dis-rescently. Expect my wife or whatever.

Right. One of those. Joe Perry left and started the project and whatnot. They're getting a star this week. Are they? On Hollywood Boulevard. What day? I don't know what day it is.

Can you look that up, Lee? They're getting a star, and then they're going to kick off their residency in Vegas. And I'm going to go to that. They're going to be playing Vegas, I guess, all year on and off a residency. And they played last night somewhere in Hollywood for like a charity. And they opened with back in the saddle. I watched it online. Did they really?

How'd they look? They look great. How did they sound? Sounded great. I saw them three years ago at the Staples. They were mind-boggling. Thursday. Thursday, they're getting their star

and they're getting it right in front of MIT, which is Musicians Institute, where all the people learn to play guitar, drums and all that. Right there on Hollywood Boulevard, by the Ripley's Believe it or not. Okay. Yeah, which is pretty. Thursday I leave. I'm done. Damn. I'm in San Jose, motherfucking. Valentine's Day, bitches.

One shows, early shows already sold out. The late show, there's maybe 50 tickets left, so do what you need to do. You know, I love to see you. I can't wait to get up to San Jose, go to original Joe's and do my thing. We're still hooked up for March to go see the Michael Shankler experience. Yeah, we're going to that. At the whiskey. Yep. Three nights. I'd like to do one night with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just see that. We're going. Joey's going to see Michael Shanker. And I'm happy you're back, man. Oh, I love you, too.

How long are you back for? Long time, buddy. Okay, you see me long time. Yeah. I'll be a long time. I'm happy you're back. You will definitely be back for the, we're going to do a podcast to commemorate the 40 year.

It's really, it's really weird when I think about Highway the Hell. We're going to wrap it up with this, but it's really weird to think, Highway to Hell got me started. Yep. High Where to Hell was my intro. That was it, August 4th. 9, 1979.

It's so weird. I went to see them August 4th, 1979, and I checked to see when the album came out. You know when the album came out? A week after or before? July 27th. Oh, there you go. Thinking back now, I was going to make a mistake on the podcast and go, yeah, I remember getting fired up.

I only listened to that album. It would be three days before I went. My favorite song was Walk All Over You from the very... Highway to Hell was that I wish somebody... I wish we would have used cameras in those days. I wish somebody would have taped

from us leaving the party to us taking the bus to walk into the garden. Just the hooligans. To be at the garden. To see in Angus run around to seeing Ted Nugent go up to weekend warriors.

To us walking home. It was just a tremendous experience. We'll talk about that in July. I can't wait. We'll do the... 40 years of highway to fucking hell, bitches. I want to thank my main man, Dean Delray.

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Thank you, man. You and I are going to Houston. Can't wait. Whatever. Like I said, I'll be in San Jose. This Thursdays, that's all that's available. Everything else is sold out. Then the 22nd, I'm in Vegas at the Treasure Island with Kate Quigley,

and the 23rd at the Fox Theater in Tucson with Kate Quigley. Kent Vela is definitely coming to kidnapee. So make sure you're there. Kick this fucking Mulee. Yeah. Perfect. I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody, breaks your heart some somebody twice as smart as I a somebody who will swear to be true as you

used to do with me who leave you to learn that misery loves come company wait and see I want to be around to see how he does it when he breaks your heart to see if a puzzle fits so fine that's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet applauding when somebody breaks your heart like you