The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #662 - Onyx Muse

Episode Date: February 28, 2019

Onyx Muse, a former adult performer and current dancer, director, and cam girl performer/mentor, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: ... Manscaped - Get 20% off your first order and a travel bag if you purchase "The Perfect Package" at manscaped.com and use the code CHURCH    ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   
Recorded live on 02/27/2019.
  

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Greetings from Podcastville. The church of what's happened now is brought to you by. Let me ask you something. Have you ever tried to shave your balls for a hot date, but accidentally ended up cutting yourself? Uncle Joey here to tell you, you don't have to suffer no more, all right? You could fucking trim your nut sack with confidence, with manscaped. You can get it done without the pain, the anxiety.
Starting point is 00:00:22 You know, you're not going to lose a fucking nut and be walking around like certain people. They got precision tools for the family fucking jewels, okay? And you asked Dominique, there's nothing worse than going down on a guy and he smells like 10 dead fucking Iranians. Why? Because ball sweat, hair, whatever. Listen, the lawmower point two is the handheld razor with the skin safe technology. This bad boy will leave you clean, smooth, and pain and anxiety-free. What I want you to do is this.
Starting point is 00:00:51 Right now, the church family can get 20% off your first order when you use code church at manscape.com. Why walk around with a stinky fucking nut sack and a stinky bagaul there when you could have Manscape help you out? So right now go to Manscape.com and use promo code church with 20% off your first order. The church is also brought to you by one of my all-time favorites. Zip recruiter. Hiring is challenging, but there's one place you could go where hiring is simple, fast, and smart. A place where growing businesses connect to qualified candidates. That place, it's ziprecruiter.com slash church.
Starting point is 00:01:33 You're like, Joey, why ZipRecruiter? Why? I'll tell you why. Because his applications come in, ZipRecruiter analyzes each one and spotlights the top candidates so you never miss a great match. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 80% of their employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. I don't care if your business is small, if your business is large.
Starting point is 00:01:55 You want to save time and you want to get the right applicant. Go to right now, the church family for free. I'll hook you up with ZipRecruiter. When you go to ZipRecruiter.com slash church. That's right. The family gets to try ZipRecruiter for free when you go to ZipRecruiter. com slash church.
Starting point is 00:02:15 C-H-U-R-C-H. ZipRecruiter.com slash church. Kick this motherfucker, Mulee. It's Thursday morning. The 28th of February. That's it. It's fucking over. It was Christmas two weeks ago.
Starting point is 00:02:31 It's already March 1st, you filthy motherfuckers. Here we go, a little something for Ralphie. Always got to be thinking about him. Oh shit. Fucking this motherfucker on a Thursday, the last Thursday of the month. We got my girl Domo, aka Onyx Muce. We got the Christ Killer. And your uncle Joey's here, motherfuckers.
Starting point is 00:03:02 Beautiful day to be alive, motherfuckers. What's up? Thursday morning. You're like, what the fuck? Where you've been on? I've been busy. I've been busy making it fucking happen, all right? We got a special guest in the house tonight, my girl, Domo.
Starting point is 00:03:51 What's up? Onyx, Lynx. She's an entrepreneur in the adult business, and she's going to break down the future for you because I don't know dick about Borno, so I got a little anxiety today, plus she could be my daughter, so I feel kind of nervous.
Starting point is 00:04:07 Christ Killers in full effect. I'm an unofficial porn expert. Unificial, but you've been watching it for fucking years. I've been doing it so long. They used to have, I was talking about it this morning. They used to have stories written before, like when the Internet was terrible. I used to read stories. I used to steal.
Starting point is 00:04:22 A story. Yeah. They would write it out because it was dialogue. In this episode, Lena Knoxon, the UPS is doing. Oh, yeah. They had different fetishes. They did all that. And then I, my dad,
Starting point is 00:04:37 had VHS tapes, but they were, they were sort of amateur. They were called something, Debbie Tauteau. And I used to, it was a series. It was a series of really creepy looking guy and these amateur girls, but I would remember the time, I would write down the time code of where the tape was, and I watch it when my parents were gone and then rewind it to where it was. So I've been doing it since, God, I probably like middle school, I would guess. You know, it's just the porn that I watched as a child that shocked me was so fucking disturbing.
Starting point is 00:05:13 And then all those peep shows I went. Like they were just, it's not, I was raised Catholic. So I thought it was going to be roses. I'm Catholic. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. I believe it. I got nothing against you. I'm just saying that you, I was raised on this dream that, you know, when you made love and whatever, you had this.
Starting point is 00:05:36 weird feeling and also I see this chick that looks like she got run over by a fucking car twice and they got a sucking dick on a porno and she don't want to and the dick looked like he got VD was the 70s and had pimples on it and it was leaking and shit and you know you don't know as a kid and then I looked at in growing up in New York they had a Puerto Rican playboy that was just horrible it was called pica pika It was just horrible. It was a magazine with naked chicks, but their face is covered.
Starting point is 00:06:08 It's like chicks that would, you know, that somebody tried to doish him over or whatever. My son, they took a Polaroid. In those days, it was a Polaroid. So it was just dirty. It was just dirty to a guy like me. And as dirty as I am on stage and all that shit, it was kind of dirty.
Starting point is 00:06:26 And I just, I went to, as a child, that was desensitized to alcohol because my mother had a bar, but I was desensitized to pornography, because when I was like 16, a bar opened in my neighborhood, and the chick would sit on a Galliano bottle. You know the fucking Galliano bottles? Galliano's in a sweet Italian liqueur.
Starting point is 00:06:52 See if you'd get a galliano bottle on there. You're going to take a look at this. Okay. This chick in our neighborhood that was from the hood, I knew her brother. I grew up with her brother. He came from an Italian family where he was one boy and five girls, and one girl was hotter than the other.
Starting point is 00:07:10 Brunettes, Italian-looking, real pretty like you. This was a Galliano bottle, and the specialty was to sit on it. So it would be on the bar. She would pull it out of the bar and sit on the fucking thing all the way to the fucking label in 1979. And then on Wednesdays, it was erotic banana night. And you would pay, you would pay $5 ticket in. They gave you two frozen bananas. And the girls would be dancing.
Starting point is 00:07:41 And then you pull out like a five. And the girl would come from the little stage and she would walk on top of the bar, walk over to you, you peeled a banana. You gave it to her. She put the banana in her pussy. And she gave it back to you, and you bit it. And they ate it and they give you a free shot of tequila.
Starting point is 00:07:57 The most disgusting thing I saw in there. Domo, are you ready for the most disgusting thing I saw that just fucked up my whole central nervous system? There was a guy sitting there, like, I went in there one night alone. My mother had died. I was living with a family. I didn't want to go to that house yet, you know, and deal with that pain.
Starting point is 00:08:22 So this ball was on the walk home. Listen, they didn't give a fuck how old you were, Domo. There was no idea. You know, they just fucking let you in. There was nothing. And I walked in there one night alone, and I'm sitting at the bar, and I'm looking straight.
Starting point is 00:08:35 I'm giving the girl dollars, and she's dancing. I mean, she was this close. Yeah. It was a thinner bar, and what it would be would be an island with a stage. The bartender would be there, and on this side, there would be the booze,
Starting point is 00:08:49 or the bartender would have to go around, but the stage was here. So if you were lucky enough to be at the bar, she could come all from the stage and you could touch a pussy or grab her titties or whatever so there's one night I'm in there there's like a fucking 60 year old guy next to me I'm just clocking at let's say 55 to 60
Starting point is 00:09:08 and he's sitting there I did not say a word to the guy I'm sitting there drinking my fucking gin and tonic I look over at the guy and the guy's got a fucking dollar in his mouth like a five in his mouth without no communication the chick walked over squatted put her pussy in a took the final bill out. You could hear her eating her pussy.
Starting point is 00:09:31 And then she backed away, put a finger in him out and pulled out his teeth and put him in her pussy and then put him back in his mouth. Let me tell you some. Domo, let me tell you some. I just froze. I came.
Starting point is 00:09:45 Everything that could happen to you. Yeah. Everything that could happen to you happened to me at that age. Like my central nervous system went into shock, Jack. You know, I had sucked some tities. I need nobody's pussy
Starting point is 00:09:58 Yeah, I think I fingered girls and shit But to put a man's teeth in your pussy I remember walking home depressed that night That just fucked my world up Like I'm gonna need therapy somewhere along the line for this So that was it And then I got desensitized Like that was it strip clubs weren't a big deal to me
Starting point is 00:10:16 There was another one by my house to cave So if you looked at the owner You just wouldn't go in there He had to be 80 and he had a wig made out of straw and it barely fit and you could tell he made the girls sleep with him and all the girls had bullet wounds
Starting point is 00:10:32 and cesarean skull yeah like they were missing the limb the cut her hand off I mean this place was just disgusting when you'd go in there it just reeked of dirty pussy like just the air of sweaty fucking
Starting point is 00:10:49 dead pussy that died they're left in the corner to die like oh my god this sounds like the worst place on earth. Why are you going on? This was the place that we went to. This was the place we went to like 20 to 2 to get a drink. Just to torment the owner. We were going there and spit on the floor and, you know, flick at it. And then he would come over to us and yell at this and we'd talk to go fuck himself. And then he threatened us with the cops and we leave. We just go under the torture. But that was it. After that, I didn't have a strip club in my life. Until 1988, maybe 89. Like I was just done. That was the year I was born. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:32 I never went to a strip club, never watched the porn. You know, I either jerked off to memory or got somebody to give me a stab, but there was no porn or nothing. I've been huge. I was, I've watched porn for years. I'm a big fan, but I just turned 30 a year ago, and I still haven't been to a strip club. It kind of freaks me out. Why? Similar what he was saying, how you think it's supposed to be nice.
Starting point is 00:12:00 But then I also, and I'm sure you don't because you're making money, hopefully, but I always felt like the girls would hate the guys who walked in there. Like it felt... The guys who walk in with no money. I guess that's true. It just felt like I remember, I went to school in Boston, and there was one in Chinatown right next to my school that I'd walk past at like lunchtime during the day, and they were open. Like noon Who comes here at noon? Lunchtime
Starting point is 00:12:27 There's a fucking savage I don't do the day shift When did you get involved in all this How old were you? I'm 29 I'm gonna be 30 June Now you said you were doing like
Starting point is 00:12:38 Weed stores and stuff before Yeah I was a butt tender I had a couple of weed spots And then I was a manager And then I was training girls to butt tend I was booking girls at nightclubs Dancing like for 100 bucks you know but we loved it and um and then i performed at festivals and i kind of like reached my
Starting point is 00:13:00 piticle of that but it wasn't what kind of performing at festival uh edc so we wore uh crazy like costumes and like LEDs and we were going on stage with the DJs like in front of 200,000 people so once you do that I mean it was it's like this invincible feeling but um there was an amazing dance director. She was making these costumes, making it really risque and kind of like futuristic. And we got these great pictures when we were doing, this is when MySpace and Facebook just started coming.
Starting point is 00:13:37 I mean, it was before social media and stuff. But, oh, my God, it was the fucking awesome time. So I wanted to take that into, I kind of fell into stripping. And then it landed in the porn scene. Now when you stripped, how old were you when you first walked into it? 24. Did you design your own outfits? Did you give it that glad?
Starting point is 00:13:59 Oh, yeah. I took what I learned from go-go dancing, but I mean, I had to learn the whole stripping etiquette, how to dance. It's a different style dance and learn how to walk in the hills and do pole and also hustle. But I loved it. Like, it was, you know, in Vegas, it's 24 hours. The club doesn't close. And there's people coming every weekend. It's money here.
Starting point is 00:14:29 And it's fucking fun. Can you explain that in Vegas? Because I love Vegas. And I used to gamble, so I never did it. But there are guys on the strip who will give you a free limo to the strip club. Yeah. So a lot of the strip clubs, they do that as a promotion, like, to get people there. And, I mean, Uber takes them, taxis.
Starting point is 00:14:48 some, but Friday, Saturday, it's always popping. I mean, I dance in spirit right now, so that's just my spot. It's fun. You can have a drink. There's different VIP rooms. There's, you know, you can dance.
Starting point is 00:15:05 It's still kind of fun atmosphere. There's like 200 strippers. Hattest girls. We have the prettiest girls. And they fly in from all over. All over. When I'm landing on Sunday, they're landing on Sunday.
Starting point is 00:15:17 Yeah. Especially the first Southwest flight. Vegas is amazing. It's people from around the world. Around the world every fucking day. And they go there to spend money. They fucking hit the job spot to go there to go to a strip club. Japanese dudes?
Starting point is 00:15:35 Asians. Canadians. Yeah, they just come in. Australians, London people. Fucking New York. East coasters. Those are my best client. Now, after how long were you stripping when you got into the adult business?
Starting point is 00:15:52 I was probably dancing about like four months, and then I got into porn just due to some complications and had a lot of friends in. But I did it really smart. I kind of went to my limits. And I learned like a lot. I got, you know, I dealt with one problem. And then I was like, whoa, I saw how this going. but I saw this cam world and I could have like stayed in
Starting point is 00:16:20 did my way for my own career to do avians but I saw the camming world and I kind of went down because in that way I can help girls who aren't in the industry you know girls that are go-go dancers cocktail waitress whatever like camming is really like open
Starting point is 00:16:36 to anybody than older women are doing it when you say you had your limits what were your limits and porn no anal I didn't want to I mean that was a big thing was no anal
Starting point is 00:16:53 I wanted to make my own website and I wanted to be a dom I wanted to have a fetish niche and they were just like oh you know what you're just you know you should just not dye your hair red and no more tattoos
Starting point is 00:17:09 and I just went dyed my hair red got more tattoos and was like no fuck you Like you guys work for me like I'm this is what I'm portraying because I was like I wasn't dumb I wasn't going in like I was some broken person like I told my parents and everything but I there was a style I wanted to go and they would just always push me into things I didn't really want so that forced you into the can yeah then you said well it didn't force me and actually like I saw it and I was like well shit I already did this so I can do this but I can do it in control
Starting point is 00:17:44 I can go to my limits and do like things that I want to do that are actually fun. Now you have a steady guy that you do the cams with or do you pick and choose different guys? No, no, I do mostly solo. Mostly I perform with other girls. Okay. If I've, you know, did thought about bringing guys on, but more so if I bring guys on, they're going to be like my slay. bitches and I'm gonna dominate them and I'm gonna push it towards that element I'm pretty good on like boy girl scenes like I don't need to do that anymore and you bring Leon and beat the
Starting point is 00:18:25 fuck your toes absolutely make them a piece of shit shit is not okay well I don't know I don't those are my limits I mean I don't do play but we're gonna have to find somebody who does because we're gonna have to find that I'm not no I would probably leave money I think we should do a pay-per-view event. I'll film it. Produced by you. We're getting fought in the mouth. Sell it.
Starting point is 00:18:50 We'll sell it on only fans, Snapchat premium. I'm telling you, we'll put some fucking Xanax in the shit. We'll give us some bologna and cheese. Laxatives. That we don't want to fart for two days. We'll blindfoldly.
Starting point is 00:19:03 We'll handcuff you. We'll make him sit down. That's a hot patch. Let me ask you something on X2. If guys constantly talk about things, he has done nothing for seven years except talk about it. I think this is what he gave up on.
Starting point is 00:19:14 wants. I think you are really, I think you're scared to it by what you want. I think the audience. No, they don't, no one brought this up. You brought it up. You brought it up. You said, you would like to watch that. No, I don't want to watch. I would pay a dollar so you took a part of the month. I feel bad for you, but I think you need to to break all the other things. I don't eat an asshole. He doesn't eat that. He doesn't do so many things of the natural. Would you suck toes? I'd rather suck a toe than eat an asshole. Well, we're going to see it first because he's going to clean the towel and white to towel. You're not into being like a full giver and really just making them feel so, so sexy.
Starting point is 00:19:55 How is looking at where shit comes out make them feel so sexy? Okay, you have to take your mind back because shit's not just always there. Yes, it is always there. No, actually when their mind is somewhere else and they're feeling sexy. Well, I'm telling you from a girl that's like me. Well, I, I, there's some wonderful juices. No, there's not wonderful juices. There's wonderful juices north, but that's, you have to close mine.
Starting point is 00:20:22 I do have a closed mind. You need to open. I like very basic sex. I like regular stuff. Vanilla. Yeah, sure. The last girl that I was stuck with got me into like hair pulling and choking a little bit, which is fine. That's as much as I'll do.
Starting point is 00:20:37 Did you like it? The choking I actually kind of did like a little bit, but it is kind of, scary but uh yeah that that i did i don't just the asshole is disgusting for to me i'm understandable i mean thank you i i can't eat guys ass either but yeah that's but i'll find somebody who will now did you ever eat some guys ass no never not even no no no no she's not on point i don't do that no no no not in the porno in my real life no i've ate some lady asses Okay, well, you ate some lady. I'm a giver.
Starting point is 00:21:13 We're halfway there. I suck some toes. There we go. I'm fine with toes. I'm into, like, making the girl feel real good. Does it feel that good? It feels. Oh, look, if you don't suck some woman's toes and see her reactions, you're not living.
Starting point is 00:21:29 Yeah. Okay. That is a very, like, sacred, like, there's a lot of nerves in there, so it's really intoxicating. Okay. You imagine sucking that Mexican chick's toes. Those little. But you want. I know to have pay for her pedicare
Starting point is 00:21:43 so you know that it's all clean and yummy. Hold on one second. I think we need to let fence feet sit in for a second. Those little fence toes climbing the fucking fence and you're right there to suck. You got to move to Mexico before
Starting point is 00:21:59 Trump goes the wall, you know what I'm saying? So you can suck our little Mexican toes. Right as they're coming over the fence. With that little Jew dirt on them that does the Jewish diamond dealers have. They always have that little mud on their thing. with African blood mixed in that. Is there a section for this on your site?
Starting point is 00:22:22 Yeah, you know, there's different sites that have a fan base for that. But do you hear, like, the girls that I've dated are like, like, I am vanilla, but they're like extra vanilla. I asked some girls like, do you want me eat your asshole? And they're like, you're supposed to. to turn them out. Yes, this is what I'm saying. Like, duh.
Starting point is 00:22:45 He had a girl that he dated for four years never came in a mouth. Because she didn't like it. This half a fagg- No, you need to tell her, you're going to you're going to drink this protein. Jew milk. This is going to make your skin glow.
Starting point is 00:22:58 So are you guys going to split my bail or how's it going to work? There's Palestinian right now begging for the yum yum, Jew milk. That's your drive. You know, vanilla women, they want to be fucking pinned down. There you told me. I told you know what you're going to take this dick.
Starting point is 00:23:14 Thank you. Jesus. He never fucked her in the morning. Can you get in like morning sex? No morning sex? Who are you? I like it. I like it.
Starting point is 00:23:21 And you tell her. I like it. So you need to be ready. That doesn't seem like every morning. This is not allowed. Just take her panties off and eat that pussy and go. You got to get in her head. None of them.
Starting point is 00:23:33 None of these chicks come around. The last one, three bills. I told her eat her ass. She had a big ass. I go put Vaseline on your cheeks and go in their head. first because it's tough to get in that ass. He wouldn't do it. He got a coconut, coconut oil.
Starting point is 00:23:46 He got a pink slip again on Friday because she wanted me to be her boyfriend. Which means, AKA, eat my ass. Just tell her what she wants to hear. Pull her hair. I feel like this is. Here we go. Oh, my God. You have no idea what I live with.
Starting point is 00:24:01 How is this true? How is the one we live in? I, I, I, I, I, I, I added that. The Mexican lived on his house for a year, didn't do nothing, rent-free. He didn't come in a mountain. He didn't come in her eyeball He's got a twisted eye He never fixed it Nothing he just kept buying Chinese food
Starting point is 00:24:17 They would walk together They broke a zip line Then he dated the ayahuasca chip She's probably getting fucked behind your back Why she has a boyfriend now Who's nerrier than me? But he's pulling her hair And he's probably giving it to her
Starting point is 00:24:30 He's got a finger in her asshole Sniffing his finger That little taco ass I feel like he gave you a script before you came I feel like you're not even a real person No No, no. This is a woman.
Starting point is 00:24:41 Like every other woman that's been on the show and has sat across from you. Look. And I've told you you're a fucking mush. I am a lot. I'm very experienced and I've seen it all. You got to live. You got to get out there.
Starting point is 00:24:52 You're 30. The next time I meet a girl. A girl calls him for a year. A girl sent him pictures of a pussy. Her asshole with firecrackers in it. Today I told him. You got to send him dirty pictures and the whole thing. Tell her she's a dirty fucking pussy.
Starting point is 00:25:07 Nothing. I can't wait for you. Then I'm sorry. She gave an order. She told him to eat pineapples and berries. So his cum would be sweeter. So she gets swallowed it. No, but he went to rouse and bought the pineapple.
Starting point is 00:25:20 Yeah. You're not supposed to go less than to orders. You're supposed to wait for the land. Give her that shot of juice sperm. And then she'll say, ooh, bish you eat pineapple? Fuck, no. Who the fuck are you?
Starting point is 00:25:31 I got to eat a pineapple. I don't fucking know you. What are you Donho? What are your dough? Oh, my God. You don't give them what they want. You give them what you want. want.
Starting point is 00:25:40 Yes. Telling you. All right. But the love of fucking Christ, seven years. Put your cock down. Yeah. The next time you come, I'll have a story for it. I'll try it.
Starting point is 00:25:48 You won't have, he got his dick suck for the first time outside, 30 years old. First time? Even a Boy Scout gets his dicks suck outside with his 14. Yeah, actually that's true. Yeah. No, I didn't get my dicks like until it's 20. No, you see, you just got a blow job for the chick weather. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:01 Yeah. Yeah. When my mom was here. This guy's living the life, and he don't understand. He's 30. He's only going to be 31. and I've been telling them he won't eat mushroom
Starting point is 00:26:12 I do you know I don't eat mushroom because it tastes like shit I've eaten them like 10 times they taste that's the airplane that's about to take you
Starting point is 00:26:20 on the magic carpet ride oh my god I'll fucking eat mushroom I eat the fattest cap because I know I'm gonna see some shit this is what I'm talking about
Starting point is 00:26:30 you're dirty you're going to live I've lived I do it all all the psychiatrist after when tell I go fuck this out you ain't doing the $40 no more that's it
Starting point is 00:26:39 You don't need this fucking psychiatrist. You need to live a little. This is it. Go to the strip club. Trust me, we are great therapists. Which one should I go to in L.A.? Do you have one in that around here? Well, these strip clubs are a little different, but I used to dance a cheetahs, and that's a great way.
Starting point is 00:27:00 It's like a bikini bar, though. It's not really like a strip club. Oh, and bubbly hills. No, no, no. That's what we went to for the show. East Hollywood. That's the one, like a. It's right on the sunset.
Starting point is 00:27:10 This is not happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I want to go to a real one. You're dancing cheeses? Oh, I used to dance there. Oh, my God. I used to push a lot of weed out there. I was like me.
Starting point is 00:27:20 And then my boss, he would let me smoke weed with the guys out there. So I would like, I could roll joints. So I was selling the weed. Then I would roll the weed in the back. And then I'll smoke with them. They'll tell me about the problems. And then they tip me. And then they come back.
Starting point is 00:27:34 And I always like getting my Coke in the daytime. So I wouldn't have any problems. It's not that I wanted to snort my coke in the daytime. It's that I wanted to have it ready to snort. So when I got home, there was no misunderstanding. It was in my jacket pocket. I'd walk in and take it, snort it while I was taking a shit, and then make believe nothing happened.
Starting point is 00:27:55 One day called my dealer, and he goes, man, if you wanted, I'm at a strip glove. And I lived in Hollywood close to the one, I lived on Shrader. Did you go to Jumbo's? Jumbos Claren't. No, no, no, no. They do comedy at Jumbos. They do everything at Jumbos.
Starting point is 00:28:15 It's a fucking great place they hang out. I heard the girls look like Jumbo. The girls look like they got shot. They're amazing dancers, though. No, no, I just heard the women nail like dead. Yeah. Is that true? They're dead?
Starting point is 00:28:26 I mean, no, like, yeah, like it's... Tell me the truth. I won't go anyway. I'm not going to go. I'll say it. I've heard Jumbos isn't really a strip club. It's like a burlesa show. It's like a burles show.
Starting point is 00:28:38 Right. And then Cheetahs is, it's more like, you know, you get the dancers, but then you can hang out. Then we have a full bar. You could drink with them, but no clothes taken off. But it's a cool spot. I went in there, I went in there the daytime. I don't know about the clothes being taken off.
Starting point is 00:28:55 Because I went there, so my dealer tells me you got to meet me at Cheetahs. I'm like, where the fuck is cheetah. He goes, you ever going to know where Alcapulco is? I go, I know. He goes, before that, you're going to hit cheetahs. In those days, we used to always go to Alcapulco. and get all you can eat lunch. Okay.
Starting point is 00:29:10 This is not the one by where you do the Sycamore Taven. There's still water in Silver Lake. Right. I don't know if it's still there. And Cheaters is down that block. And I'm not to forget I wanted to get the cheaters one day. I got my $60 for the gram. He's a black dude.
Starting point is 00:29:26 He's sitting at the bar with three white chicks. He's personal and shit. And he's talking to him like, do the whole thing. I do the exchange. I give him a hug. He's like, stay for a drink. I'm feeling kind of creepy. Fucking 1215 in the fucking dark strip club like Dracula's house.
Starting point is 00:29:43 I look to the corner who's getting a lap dance, Bobby Lee. Like a motherfucker with tithies in his face. He's got two fucking Chinese fingers in their ass, even though he's Korean. I don't know if they were doing cranky shit at that time. It was kind of kinky for lunch. The lunchtime crew at most clubs is supposed to be a little dirtier. They bend the rules a little bit more in the daytime because you have less customers and they want to make a little extra money.
Starting point is 00:30:09 So in the daytime, they bend the rules. Just a little bit. You can leave your hand there for a minute. You are like cringing over here. Yes, he is. Just imagining how much money I'm going to waste if I'm going on the strip club. Not waste.
Starting point is 00:30:21 Listen, not waste. You're going to go home with a nice chunk of fucking silly putty between your legs of sperm. And when you try to walk, it's going to block it. You're going to hear quip. You're going to go home with a life lesson for your little vanilla girls. I guess so. But that's the thing
Starting point is 00:30:37 Like even before we have sex I only attract vanilla I would like to attract a girl who wanted to get a freaky I don't know I don't know I don't know You have to make them freaky You have to rip their bra And then tell them his 40 for the bra
Starting point is 00:30:50 You know what I'm saying? Rip those panties At least they want At least rip their panties It cost you a dollar And the dollar store panties Unless they say the Victoria Seek And give it a small 40 You know lick their monkey with the panties on
Starting point is 00:31:04 and then rip them off with the fucking savage. Eat the fucking panties. Take them home. How you didn't eat milkshaste panties? Ripped them in half and just eat a piece of panties in front of them and they go crazy. What are you told? Okay. I guess I'm wrong.
Starting point is 00:31:20 You are fucking wrong. Rip their plan. So now, after the cam business now, you've been opening up a studio. Yes. So I have a webcam studio with all the camp equipment. three different stations, a photography room, so I can help shoot content for them. And then I also have like a podcast room that I'm hoping to start for helping with the marketing. Got some weed sponsors involved and just basically give them a platform to promote and talk about, you know, what they're doing, their shows, bring porn stars on.
Starting point is 00:32:00 They talk about their features. They're also doing cam shows. I mean, it's a whole open road. So right now, you still strip on the weekends. Were you going to go strip Friday night when I saw you? No. Well, see, I just got my tattoo done, so it was healing. So last week I had, like, the week off.
Starting point is 00:32:19 So I was just camming. Okay. Yeah. But this weekend probably. And then you cam five nights a week? Yeah, I'm going to try. I try to do even more so. But when I'm not camming, I'm doing like snap.
Starting point is 00:32:31 Snapchat premium content and making little videos, getting that ready to get sold. Now, I'm not the fucking best judge of character, but you have it really much together for a girl that's 29. Why are you so different at 29? Why have you kept it together? Why haven't you been shot yet? Well, I know, right. I know, right. I think I had really good parents.
Starting point is 00:32:59 I had a really good, like, you know, structure of family that just, you know, taught me how to do it. But I also learned a lot from people. And I just, I never tried to like, you know, when I told my parents, they were just like, you know, just don't do drugs or get all crazy and resort to that. My father has, you know, he has a dark past that I had to learn from when I was younger. So I just always knew that that's not the path, but I just, I want more. I want to help my family. I want to help my girlfriends. I want to, you know, I just want to have a future.
Starting point is 00:33:36 I'm getting 30, so it's like I want to have a career. Like, I'm trying to build an empire. But I also want to help girls. There's girls turning 18 going into porn and they don't know what's. They don't know. They really don't know. They don't know what's ahead of them. And even if they want to do it, that's fine.
Starting point is 00:33:53 But this is a great way to make money and be financially independent. but just got money coming from all different angles and it gives you a lot of freedom. Tom, can I tell you a story? When I was raised Catholic like you and you know how we're programmed to think and then one day a switch goes off and we go crazy. Like for 18 years you've never eaten somebody's pussy
Starting point is 00:34:20 and you've never blown a guy and all of a sudden one morning you just switch when you just want to eat a pussy and fucking stick a finger up a chick's ass. That's what happens with Catholicism. But you also have that inner thing that we're raised with. So I always had that inner thing. Okay.
Starting point is 00:34:36 At a young age, being a Catholic, you were taught that a fucking whore. You had to throw a rock at her. Mary Magdalum was stone to death. You know, even though she wiped Jesus' feet at his time of death and all that shit. So part of your belief is a whore. Yeah. And I still remember going on the 12th Avenue as a kid. where they had, you know, a thousand hookers outside
Starting point is 00:35:05 and looking at them and always looking at them with a weird perspective. But something happened. My mother died. And it made me go from being the person that I wanted to be, to the person I didn't want to be. I became a thief. I did drugs.
Starting point is 00:35:19 And when I was 19, I moved to Aspen, Colorado. And I always had this thing about, you know, just a fucking whore. Like, you were either a whore or a fucking woman in my eyes. You know what I'm saying? But at that time, I had lived three years on my own. And I remember living in Aspen maybe six months and seeing how much money comes in there in the winter.
Starting point is 00:35:43 Like, you got, like, my agent and I, he went skiing in an Aspen a few weeks ago. And he goes, it's amazing the price of the houses up there. You know, 4.6 million, 13 million. I go, remember, that's one of their houses. Well, you spend 13.6 million of the house. That's not your house in Aspen. that's your other house.
Starting point is 00:36:05 These guys go to ask them without their wives. And I used to watch this, Lee, as a young man at 19. I would sit at the bars and not like hang, but I would watch these older guys. And then I became a security guard at a hotel. I would have to pick people up and drive him back. This is, I was a little older. I was 21.
Starting point is 00:36:27 And every night when I was driving back when I'm Dominique. One of the guys in the truck would say to me, hey, where's the action? And I was 21, and I didn't know what to tell. I didn't know what to tell them. But I swear to God, Dom, if I picked three sets of guys up, even guys with wives, as I was picking up their luggage after I checked them in, the guy would come back out and go, where's the action? And I would go, what kind of?
Starting point is 00:37:00 actually looking for drugs and I would never in those days these are people that are coming and they could be the age so I always play the dummy the drugs but they would ask me when I was done I was playing so what can I get a woman everybody was looking for a woman yeah everybody was looking for a woman and then I got to the point when it started giving me prices in snow massville I was I was doing this in snow massville it's not even Aspen you know I would see the guys in the hotel and they'd go Come here, what did you find out for me? Do you know any broads I could call?
Starting point is 00:37:35 And I was an asshole, guys. I didn't know nothing. I was like the worst Belmont in the world. Most Belmont will call a hooker for you and shit. I didn't know nobody. I never forget sitting there one day going, you know, let's be honest. Let's stop being a fucking hypocrite.
Starting point is 00:37:52 If I was a 21-year-old girl and I looked like you, moved to Austin in October, establish myself lightly. I don't even think, I don't know if there's a strip club. Can you look it up strip clubs in Aspen? I don't know if there is any.
Starting point is 00:38:10 So you'd have to work very discreetly. And then we'd look up, and then look up escorts in Aspen. You'd have to work discreetly. Listen, yeah. Horniness is everywhere. But I made a decision. Wow, there's actually an article
Starting point is 00:38:25 that says, forget Vegas. Take the Bachelor Party to Aspen. There you go. And I said to myself If I'm a woman, if I was a woman right now, my mom was dead, and I had a body like that girl right there, like you or a face like yours, I would make a plan. Oh, never mind.
Starting point is 00:38:45 21 to 25. I'm going to go to Aspen from November to March 15th. Take all that far into money, all that Texas oil money. You know, you could call yourself 500 an hour. Hell yeah. And do three a night. times that times five three weeks a month we'll exclude the month that you have the fucking visitor
Starting point is 00:39:08 three weeks a month for four months you put that in the bank you go back to where you're from at the end of the winter resort and maybe dance in Vegas and still pick up if you take that money for five years and then one day just disappear change your PO
Starting point is 00:39:29 change your name disappear and nobody knows your past. I'm not talking about porn. I'm talking about taking guys for their fucking dough. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Like Sharon Stone and Casino. A guy comes in the town, 20 large, four days. Actually, they don't have a strip club there.
Starting point is 00:39:48 No, no. There's nothing. There's only one thing, even on Yelp, this is the Denver party strippers. Yes, through Denver. They have to fly through Denver up. So, I mean, that's, I would do it. If I was a woman, no responsibility, had a 12 body.
Starting point is 00:40:05 You're going to fuck 20 guys anyway that are going to waste your time. Yeah. Take you on dates. Try to do dumb shit to you. What's the difference? You put your feelings aside, and I know you're going to enjoy it, but you have a daughter. I'm telling you that if a woman has a man without a plan is not a man, and a woman without a plan is not a man.
Starting point is 00:40:24 If a woman says I'm giving myself four years to pull down $250,000 or $300,000,000, 200 of that cash 20,000 of that tax free that they're giving you cash in a bedroom for two thousanders a pretty girl lasting that's a thousand an hour Jesus yeah those guys are going to take you for 10 hours how much does it cost now I mean obviously I don't think you do it price is very yeah I mean something like that no I don't do it straight up but I mean you can even get paid to be a companion and go out for dinner and drinks. I've gotten hit up on the script in Vegas.
Starting point is 00:41:08 How much they charge the companions in Vegas? I mean, it could be anything. It could be like 1,500, 3K, 5K, 10K, 10K, the night hour. I mean, it all depends on the girl and whatever, but if you're smart and, you know, you can really work it out, I mean, it's very lucrative. But, you know, you just do,
Starting point is 00:41:30 You got to be in control. You're not college educated. You have a little bit of street knowledge. You know, you're going to... If you can hold some intelligent conversations, but then just you don't act like a train wreck. Like, you don't get so wasted. No, no, no drugs, no booze.
Starting point is 00:41:45 If you're a professional, a fucking professional white girl, don't do drugs. Goes to the doctor every week, checks a monkey out, changes the oil. Yeah. You know, let's, you know, three, four regulars. Think about just an L.A. Look, I read that book.
Starting point is 00:42:00 move to you. You'll never work in this town again about the hooker who wrote a fucking book about, you know, she was a celebrity hooker, Don Henley, this producer, that actor, and she just wrote seven chapters about seven of her johns and the money she was making. And it's, she said she used to go to Don Henley's house and he would give her like five grand for two hours and she would bend over in front of a fireplace with three other girls. And he would just sit there, do a line to coke, go over, fuck her for two minutes and go sit back down and get up and fuck the other one for two minutes. You just told me about a story about a guy, a white guy.
Starting point is 00:42:41 Oh, yeah. Putting meth up people's asses. What? Oh, well, no, you're talking about. No, that's Chris Burroughs. He's talking about the Democratic donor who, you didn't hear about that? No. This is, this is, he's going around finding homeless black guys that are gay and that he like,
Starting point is 00:42:57 his thing is he likes to shoot him up with meth. and two of them have died in like the past like a year. It's in West Hollywood. It's terrible. That this is like that's a more like that's the dark side of it. I was, I thought you're talking about the guy who spent $200,000 on a cam model and then he killed his parents because he took all their money.
Starting point is 00:43:18 When you're doing with sexuality, you know. And make people feel a type of way. People creep beyond the strip club sometimes. No. No. Trust me. I've seen it all. Oh, I'm tough.
Starting point is 00:43:29 I'm like, there's no guy can walk in there and think he's going to trick me or tell me something new. I've heard it. You know, and it's cool, but it's just about having a good time. Anybody give you a counterfeit money? No, they gave it like another girl counterfeit money, but never me. I mean, and I'm pretty like hardcore on that. But no, I never got that. You check all your hundreds?
Starting point is 00:43:55 Hell yeah. Really? Hell yes. Got to have a light. like there's like a little light that you can put on it. I mean, go to the bank and it. What's your future? What do you see?
Starting point is 00:44:08 My future. I would like to have a studio where I'm helping girls and I'm really doing it. But my future is I want to put events together with this platform of all these girls. Take them out of just camming. You know, AVN, I did it. and we're camming live at the event. But it's just a simple convention, but it really opens your eyes to like,
Starting point is 00:44:35 okay, if I could do this at some whatever convention, I could do this at a party. Like, I could throw the party and have live cam stations that people watch the girls, have the weed company, girls smoking live, like on there. And it's just, it's a party because these viewers, that's what they want. They want a little party on the internet because they're married or they're kind of nerdy.
Starting point is 00:44:58 They can't even walk into a strip club. They're from all over the world. Like, you know, there's a lot of possibilities with this. And I want to innovate this shit. Like, what I've done at festivals, this can totally be done here, but on a smaller scale. And just bring all these hot, sexy, bad bitches to make money. Everything's for sale. So the strip club business is still booming in Vegas?
Starting point is 00:45:23 It's still booming. It's not as good as it was. You know, years ago because there wasn't this instant gratification. There wasn't social media and, you know, dating sites and apps where people can connect with hot girls. You kind of, that's what guys went to to meet the hot girls. Now it's like guys come in there and it's like, oh, I don't want to, you know, they try to play hard to get or they're assholes, but that's like cold for them to say that they like us
Starting point is 00:45:53 and they want us to stick. And I said, get the fuck out of here. It's supposed to be a gentleman's club. ain't no gentleman in there. But, you know, there's 200 girls on the floor, so that's a lot of competition, but there's a lot of hot girls. It's like, hey, why do you even deal with the stress?
Starting point is 00:46:08 Like, come over here, help you make money. It's easy. Like, Kimming, you don't touch anybody. You don't have to be around anybody. And you can really do whatever you want. The possibilities are endless. You're not doing porn no more. I'm not doing porn no more.
Starting point is 00:46:23 When did you quit porn? I quit porn. I kind of had a fallout with. my agency and it just wasn't working out and I was signed to like a three year contract but I didn't get any work and there was a fight I could have um you know got a lawyer and kept going but I just saw the camming world and I was like you know what like fuck doing this I want to be behind the camera I want to help girls you know really learn no one's training girls and I can literally walk any girl It doesn't matter if she's a porn star.
Starting point is 00:46:56 I can walk her. So you'll train in all aspects of all aspects. I've learned the software. I've been testing it on myself. I can walk a girl through every hurdle she's going to go through. But I'm just like I'll speed them up, get them camming with me, but you can do fun shit. Like every guy, when you have more than one girl on cam, it really attracts a lot of people. But, yeah, it's just have fun.
Starting point is 00:47:23 It's like, yo, fuck being. in these dirty-ass strip clubs. I mean, you know, you can go there and still hustle, but on the weekdays... You still like the hustle? Hell yeah. You got regulars? Yes, I do.
Starting point is 00:47:35 I have lots of people that come see me for years. Really? Oh, man, I'm just fun. I mean, but I just... You call them the whole thing? They call me. I mean, I'm there, and I'm just, I stay consistent and stuff,
Starting point is 00:47:49 but sometimes I'm spending a lot of time in my studio because I'm trying to transition and stuff, but I still love it. It's still fun. It's a rush. Listen, I was a thief. I know the world. I know the world how it works.
Starting point is 00:48:06 When I dated that girl for four years, even though we had disagreements about a lot of things, after we broke up, the truth of the matter is I always have to think about it because she got me here. She was the one that said, let's go to L.A. L.A., you know, I had a deal with CBC,
Starting point is 00:48:24 she's like this this is a good move for you I'll go down there and strip whatever the fuck but it was really weird that I learned the whole other world of the strip club like I learned like I thought you just went into a strip club got a dance and you went home and then she was telling me now no no no you got to text these motherfuckers yeah and tell them I'm dancing tonight at nine bring two hundred hours and you have 20 of them on rotation. She was telling me stories that were, they made me feel bad
Starting point is 00:49:00 because she was kind of, she was doing something that I had done years earlier, which was deceit people in a way. Outside of the club? Inside the club. Inside the club. You know, it was very deceitful. It was, you know, how you doing, baby?
Starting point is 00:49:23 I really care about you, what's going on. You talk. to them you saw this off spot you saw the vulnerability and you attack them you I'm saying so let's say you work Tuesdays Thursdays and Friday's days you have different guys that coming on those days they're expecting this you know it's like my mom had a bar and she wouldn't let bartenders tell the customers that they had boyfriends the first time I see your boyfriend at the bar you find yeah I want them to have an image that they always have a chance of winning you over.
Starting point is 00:50:02 Once a guy finds out you got a boyfriend, there's no end. That's it. I'm not going to get with her. Even though some guys are turned down by that, that's the other package. You could say to them, I got a boyfriend. Win me over, bitch. Some guys that drives them. I actually tell some guys, I'm like, yo, I got a boyfriend. Boom. What is he too? And I'm like, so I'm not going to. to text you on the weekend. You want to see me. You come to the strip club and we do what we do. Then you go back to your life and then you just, you know, and they're okay with that. At least they could get some. I've had guys and be like, can I be the side guy? Like the side, side chick in a sense. I'm just like, wow.
Starting point is 00:50:45 But it's the belief that, yeah, you and I are going to get married and have kids. Run off into the sunset. And you have to run off into the sunset. And you have to keep that dream alive. It takes something like nine weeks to realize that you take them for everything when you don't show up in Denny's for the ninth time. You know what I'm saying? It's like this fucking... Especially when you have
Starting point is 00:51:07 a traffic jam and you got one guy coming in when you're still dealing with another guy and then they're like, wait, hold on, you know, I'm paying for full attention and I'm like, yo, but my eight o'clock's here. So it's... He shut up late. Yeah, but sometimes, I mean,
Starting point is 00:51:22 you know, it's really funny, but you just keep going and half the time they always come back they try to act like it never happened and we can bring it's so ridiculous it really was but you play around you're like oh yeah didn't really hurt your feelings well you want to know something you should be coming earlier with more money and then you know i can cancel these and it's weird because they either just got a relationship there's a problem it's all kinds of problems if you're all kinds of you You may paying me and you want to tell me about your problem? Hell no.
Starting point is 00:51:58 If you pay me, then, you know, I'll listen to you and whatever. But it's just like, are you fucking serious? Like, I live a great life and I'm happy. I'm not pouring my problems onto you. So it's like, you want me, you want to bore, you want to kill my sunshine with your depression in a sense, you know, like, say that for your girlfriend. Otherwise, pay me some racks. And, yo, I'll take your problems.
Starting point is 00:52:24 And we'll fucking have a great ass time. You won't even remember what you were whining about. Let me answer you this. You ever been dancing? You see a guy that you look at and go, I can fall in love with this guy. Have you ever had that? I mean, it's not like, you might think it.
Starting point is 00:52:42 He's 231. And then, you know, you see him, you observe him with the other girls, and then you observe him how he is with you. But they always fucking shoot their own foot. Like they kill that moment and it you know no no they need to stay a customer You're very controlled you're very I've had to learn from a lot of mistakes so now it's like drugs
Starting point is 00:53:13 Who me? Yeah, no I mean I party but I'm I'm very good at doing it like I do it occasionally. I don't do it all the time You look healthy. Yeah, when I hit you up this morning you were awake at 7. Yeah, I wake up really early. I try to, you know, I've been programming myself to get off the Vegas funk of like, you know, strippers. We tend to, like, sleep in really late. So I've been programming myself to, like, wake up early. So during the week, while you're in L.A., there's no stripper. No, I don't dance at any clubs out here. I cam at my place. But otherwise, like, I do photo shoots or, you know, I link with people that do a lot of networking.
Starting point is 00:53:58 I'm really involved in a lot of stuff. So, like, I, you know, I am trying to do camming, but, like, I got a social life. And, you know, I'm doing a lot of big things that I want to help girls. And I'm really involved in the social media, too. That's a really big, important thing to use. I mean, you have the family structure. You look healthy. I mean, you're mentally sound.
Starting point is 00:54:24 what made you make the decision? Usually a girl comes in here. I haven't had... We have not had a porn anything on since the guy who owned the bunny ranch. RIP Dennis off. I don't know much about it.
Starting point is 00:54:41 So why would I bring somebody in? I don't know much about the porn world. Like, I don't know Kitty Cat. Like two weeks ago, I was at the comedy store and some girl came by me with big tits and she goes, you were great tonight. And some guy hit me in the chest. You know what that is?
Starting point is 00:54:56 That's fucking the amazing Tammy. She kills rabbits with a pussy or some shit. And I'm like, I don't know. I don't know nobody. They're like, come on, you don't know. So now I've got to get in the car feeling like an old man and feeling like I'm a fucking half a fag because I don't even watch one.
Starting point is 00:55:11 And I don't know who's happening in the porn world no more. You know, I know Aki Akira, because you guys told me about her and she does a podcast. Yeah. Red band. I know. The chick that got beat up by fucking
Starting point is 00:55:23 Christy Mac. Christy Mac. I don't know her personally, but I know she is. She is gorgeous. I look at her footage. And that's terrible. I mean, terrible incident.
Starting point is 00:55:33 I don't know the money behind it, but even just as a guy who likes porn, I don't know. Five or six years ago, I used to watch porn stars, but now even on like the porn websites, I'll just go and look at amateur stuff. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:48 And I was really into one of the campsites for a while. I'm cheap, so I didn't pay for it, so that's why I stopped doing it. I know, I'm sorry. But I don't you think more people now probably are into amateur than porn stars? Very much so. And really, Camming is kind of taking over, and there's a lot. I mean, they're making a lot of money. But they have the flexibility to shoot their own content of, like, whatever they do.
Starting point is 00:56:17 And you own it. That's it. You own it. That's what it's all about. It's your hours. You're the boss. No company. Like anime porn, you know, do different.
Starting point is 00:56:26 You could get cakes and you could sit on it, smash it with your ass. Like, you could do just about anything. How about that? We got to check to put her ass in cake. You just said to me. Yes. This motherfucker do anything for cake. A bunch of birthday cakes.
Starting point is 00:56:39 I'll give him a few edibles, give like a half a Cosby pill. We'll put a bag over his head like the newscaster. And then we'll tell them, smell the cake and we'll let you go. And we'll put a cake in her ass. You realize I'm sitting here, right? Can you get your plan? I don't give a fuck while he's here. I can still pull it over your eyes.
Starting point is 00:56:55 I'm like Ron the Rousey with the arm ball. I'll still get it. Even though you know it's coming, I'll still get you. You have no idea how many people would love it. When you smell the cake, I don't care if they were. Put the cake deep in her ass when it blows like a cork in your face. People would pay $10.99.
Starting point is 00:57:10 You know what? I don't want them. At this point in my life, I only don't want 10 points. Give it to the girl. Production deal right now. Let's set a date for pay-per-view. I want a guaranteed $2 million. I want to guarantee $2 million.
Starting point is 00:57:22 No, who wants to see $2 million? No, no, no, there's no two million. I don't want to get fart on the face. You gotta start for more. Then you need to collab with some other farters. Let's have the fart extravaganza. The night of farts. But let me tell you something.
Starting point is 00:57:34 The evening of farts and you would headline. Yeah, sure. With a 400-pound black chick fart in your face. For $2 million, I'll do it. Have this year the 10 pork chops. Forget about it. You know what I'm saying? With some cosby dust in it.
Starting point is 00:57:45 And the fucking fart makes your pass out. Add a little blood in your face. Can you imagine? Oh, no. what that poster looks like. And now the next time, see this time, who's on the undercard?
Starting point is 00:57:56 We'll do a photo set. We'll do a photo session. We'll bring, this first time. You got to give you some 8 by 10. No, you're saying first time like there's going to be more time. Oh, please.
Starting point is 00:58:04 You're going to build it up. You're going to be consistent. You're going to get that fan base. Every month, like a UFC card. It's like a UFC card. Yeah, but they fight like twice a year or most. So you do about six or seven.
Starting point is 00:58:15 And then the New Year's Eve card is the one where the fact you comes in. They drop her off by a tow truck. You know what I'm saying? And she's got cake in her ass. Do I get a blowjob at least from me? Nothing. No. No.
Starting point is 00:58:27 With the money you're going to make payper view, New Year's Eve, it's 1995 apiece. You have no idea what we could do. Eight people are going to buy it. Eight shit. Eight people the first fucking minute we put it on sale. Pre-sale. What are you fucking nuts or what?
Starting point is 00:58:42 She's got ideas. I got ideas. I don't like your idea. I like creative. You know. Splash you with paints. What's happening? Like as she farts throw blood at you, like carrying shit.
Starting point is 00:58:54 She said pain. What about what if it was? Blood. You could do food. You could do, yeah. A foodie food, food porn. Yeah. Yeah, but I don't want to fart.
Starting point is 00:59:04 As long as it's not farts. All right. What about it? We sit you down. Sure. And we just drove Cuban food at you when you handcuffed. And whip you. And whip you.
Starting point is 00:59:12 No, I don't want, I don't like pain. It's not. Not pain. It would be soft. No, the whipping doesn't sound soft. Floggers. Floggers are really nice. First of all, once you handcuffed.
Starting point is 00:59:20 I'm going to come from behind and blindfold you. What do you mean? How do I know? You want to know. So how he was poking me. I didn't like it. I'm about how, oh, this is this guy. How, what percentage of people are into that stuff?
Starting point is 00:59:34 It's a very small percentage. But they have a lot of money to spend? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. These are like doctors, lawyer, very highly intelligent people who are into this. Into the camps. Into fetish. But yes.
Starting point is 00:59:48 And fetish, what do you mean by fetish? Fetish. It could be feet. It could be stockings. It could be latex outfits. I've got it goes on. I mean, there's nylon. There's about a fetish for everything.
Starting point is 01:00:07 Smoking and exhaling. That's a big fetish. I do a lot of like small penis humiliation, jerk off instructions. So the jerk off instruction, the guy comes to your house. And you teach them. No, no, no. So on cam, he'll get a session. And from what it is,
Starting point is 01:00:27 and you have to look at his dick. So they can pay extra for me to open their cam to actually watch their dick. And basically, I just dressed hot as fuck. And I just tell them how disgusting and pitiful their dicks are. And then I teach them like, oh, yeah, you can't even, you don't even know your owner's manual. Like, let me show you how to do it. And they kind of get turned on from that.
Starting point is 01:00:51 But yeah, it's great money. No clothes getting taken off. And it's really like it's the tone of your voice. It's your body language. It's how you're looking at them. And you got to be like hot as fuck that they're just like, oh, I don't even care. She's insulting me. This is hot.
Starting point is 01:01:08 It's a whole new world. Are you looking for a new model? All the time. This guy right here. I'm getting my dungeon set. And when it's ready, I'm going to film a lot of fetish content. So we can do a little. I don't like the pain stuff.
Starting point is 01:01:24 Make your mother proud. Make my mother pride. My mom would disown me. So it's not you, you're never left in the pain. You get rewarded. What's a reward? With pleasure. So you get a blood, that's on that.
Starting point is 01:01:35 No. Well, look, no. You need to not say what you want and you just got to go with the flow. Let's see what happens. Yeah, this is not. I'm too. I'm too. I'm too.
Starting point is 01:01:46 I'm too. He's open to the unexpected. I know. I know. Too cheap. Who? I don't want to get paid to get beat up. Your own worst enemy.
Starting point is 01:01:55 You don't get paid to beat up. It's all about consensuality. You never do anything. Yeah, I don't want, that's what I'm saying. This is not consensual for me. I'm glad some people like it, but I don't want to get, I don't want people. I think bad things about myself all right. I don't want someone to say, no, thank you.
Starting point is 01:02:15 Give me two edibles and make me think of all this stuff. I don't know. Do you want someone to tell you your piece of shit? Like that I already know it It's mostly I mean You may just not be that guy You know that guy You're just not that guy
Starting point is 01:02:28 I would love I would totally be into other stuff Like sexual stuff But like what? Like normal sex stuff Like what's normal sex stuff? Blow jobs regular suck Maybe five
Starting point is 01:02:39 How do you get to the blow job? Let's be honest with that I'm okay I mean I'm no Mick Jagged Right look at yourself in the mirror Would you want to suck you? Yes No Nobody wants to suck your dick
Starting point is 01:02:49 Nobody wants to suck your dick The backseat milk shake, but you didn't put in her mouth like four. Yeah, because I believe people when they say, don't, like, I'm not going to shove it in their mouth, but I'll try it now. What? We love Dick being shoved in our mouth. All right. Come on. I take people what they say.
Starting point is 01:03:09 If they tell me who the girl. You've been sitting here for fucking seven years. That's who says. We're not lying to you. What fucking girl? The girls that I've slept with? No. When you're eating them.
Starting point is 01:03:21 monkey, you start fingering on them and you walk around, you pass that guard, and you, you, when they're standing in there, look at you, your dick, three inches from their mouth, obviously, you're not there to check that temperature. You have to promote it, Lee. You just can't ask them. You have to keep fingering them and put a pinky in their asshole and walk around. You got to be passionate. And sit on your fucking face with your nuts.
Starting point is 01:03:42 Oh, Jesus. Okay. But then you got to ask yourself, do I want my nuts in my mouth? When I was 25, yeah, I was a sexy sad. Now, I don't want my nuts in nobody's mouth. It's disgusting. Well, I don't know. You're 30.
Starting point is 01:03:57 Yeah. This is why I said to you. It's over. The party's over. You got to go for it now. Okay, I'll try. I'm down. I'll try.
Starting point is 01:04:03 I'm down. I'm going to be a pleaser. Call milkshake today. Give her a second. No, she wants me to be her boyfriend. I don't want to tell her. What did you do? Tell her whatever you want to hear.
Starting point is 01:04:11 Say it. You know, I thought about it. I want to be your boyfriend. I'm going to come down there. She's 280, 5-8. I tell her you're coming down with bombon and roses. go and then if she calls you look you got it keep it pushing and then every time what do you keep what does that mean keep keep it going to life and do what you do but you're
Starting point is 01:04:30 not committing well that's what you got to get them craving your dick okay okay you're not craving thank you they're craving your dick they're gonna go get dick from somebody else for a week is mom I go you got to keep her on the string all day tell you can't wait to suck asshole yeah tell you can't wait to a lot of pussy on fire I can't say you're like seven o'clock I don't mind saying you better be wearing those crotchless panties every time I like he's scared he's scared of his own shadows tell him you don't know what it's like humiliate me here that we have a certain belief here at the church and he constantly breaks this I constantly break yeah if there's any women out there please if I'm wrong
Starting point is 01:05:12 tell me I'm wrong but this not every woman can can think this like is that this is how this is how people are going to jail now like me too like this that's okay okay okay that's different where's the line where's the line okay that you're on a day I'm meeting you're putting you're doing it non-consensual and I got a pinky in your asshole
Starting point is 01:05:35 after I got the pinky in your asshole anything goes so you walk around you continue fingering her she's like moaning and you drop your dick in that mouth Okay, and then the girls that I've been with who I say, who do that, and they're like, oh, I don't like when you come in my mouth. How do I continue to do with them? You're just coming in your mouth.
Starting point is 01:05:53 You just come in their mouth. You're like, you know what? I like it. This is what you make me feel. All right. You need to get in their head. You need them to be like. Four fucking years you never came in that girl's mouth.
Starting point is 01:06:05 Yeah, because she says you didn't like it. Who gives a fuck what they don't like? The car. I guarantee in five, four years you were with it. I can count on one hand how many dick suck that she gave me. No, that's not true. I guarantee she didn't give you more than 10. Well, you're wrong.
Starting point is 01:06:18 No. Guarantee. She gave you one blowjob every three months. Are you, like, licking her pussy to make her one? Yeah, I love that. Yeah. You're getting down on it? Oh, yeah. You like fucking her in, like, public places?
Starting point is 01:06:29 I'm not in public. I've never done it. Go ahead. I've never done it, but I wouldn't be against it. I told you, I just got that in the car. That's as public as I've gotten. Sorry. Is Paula Broad wanted you to rip it?
Starting point is 01:06:43 She had glasses. I told him how many times take the glasses off and throw them on the wall that she can't see. And then fuck it. That turns women on. They can't see you. Oh, yeah. She thinks you're breadpick. You put a fucking rug on your head.
Starting point is 01:06:55 They don't know what the fucking, you know what I'm saying? These are things you fucked up. I've been telling you that. You fucked up. I told you this is day one. Don't move her in. Tie her up. Put firecrackers in her ass.
Starting point is 01:07:05 She's got those fence feet. You didn't do none of these things. You went over there to watch purple. You're getting her outfits to wear so she can do. Nothing. He didn't do nothing. See, there you go. That's why she's not craving the day.
Starting point is 01:07:17 Nothing. Nothing. He never came home with handcuffs. You don't know what I did. I know what you did. I know what you did. Nothing. You watch Orange is the New Purple.
Starting point is 01:07:25 I recall you. That's what you'd do. He couldn't even watch Narcos without it. That's what you do in a relationship. No, you don't do that in a relationship. You watch it and then you tell her, I didn't watch it. I waited.
Starting point is 01:07:36 How would I do that? Because. I have to watch it twice. Because you're a man. Yes. Are you a man or you a bitch? So being a man is watching a TV show? Being a man is something across the fucking board
Starting point is 01:07:48 from A to Z. All right. We'll try it. Putting your balls on the table. I like my balls on the table. That's fine. You don't put them on the table. Okay.
Starting point is 01:07:58 Let's try it. I thought they're in your pan. At least I'd on Twitter. Let me know. How can we find you? How can these young, beautiful men find this beautiful red-headed queen? On Twitter at Onyx Muse XX. All right.
Starting point is 01:08:12 Or my Instagram. Yeah, the camming, all that. On Instagram, I'm Onyx Muse. 777, but Is that free those Onyx Muse on Instagram? Yes, yes. That's free. Those are all free. It'll tell you about my premium
Starting point is 01:08:28 stuff and my cam shows. I usually promote a lot of before I go on. And then I have my regular Instagram for just like my dancing stuff. Domo Monster 7. You're very interesting.
Starting point is 01:08:45 I think you're very beautiful. I'm sorry I didn't know more about This world. Oh, it's all good. You know, I really wanted to come here and I wanted to be like, you know, you need like a personal like blunt roller, blent roller, blent roller, bowl packer. Like somebody who's like, I always see. Like nobody like got it ready. Like, come on.
Starting point is 01:09:06 Come on. You deserve that. You deserve that. It's like me sending you for coffee or something. I can never have an assistant. When people have an assistant. Oh, no, not like that. That's an embarrassing thing.
Starting point is 01:09:20 I wish I had money to hire a professional joint role. Like most people want a butler. I want two things. If I ever had that much money, I would get it. A guy to have a rickshaw just run around with me. Like this morning, I would have had them take me all the way to Elsa Gondon back on a rickshaw on the 405. That's always been my fantasy. Some fucking guy just run and die.
Starting point is 01:09:42 You have to get a new one every time. They'll die. Don't even have to be hired. They got human trafficking, don't they? bring him in from some other country. You and Robert Kraft are going to be in the same cell. Why are they blaming? How is Robert Kraft?
Starting point is 01:09:56 No, no, I just want to know why is he in trouble for human trafficking? Because they bring people in from China. What's the guy to do with him? He just walked in and got his dick sucked the 80s. That's not allowed. That's not allowed. How did he know she didn't have a passport? Because it doesn't matter that what matters is a prostitution,
Starting point is 01:10:11 but the reason why people get upset is because they're from, like, their slaves. Who gives a fuck? whether it's a chick with a passport or a chick without a passport. It's a little blowjob. Right, and that's the part that he got arrested for. He didn't get arrested for the human trafficking. Right. They're just saying that those places are bad because of the human trafficking.
Starting point is 01:10:30 But he just got arrested like a normal prostitute. Where I'm going next week is the capital of human trafficking. With that? Houston, Texas. Oh, shit, yeah. That's where they have. I saw the TV show. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:42 I was just because I never even really, the only people that are Asian when I saw in Houston And I haven't been there in a long time. When I used to go to Auntie Chan's Dumplin Palace, those were the only Chinese people I knew. And all of a sudden I'm watching a show about like not drugs, zinc, the other one they have. NG, whatever.
Starting point is 01:10:59 National do your traffic? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the fucking hub of it is Houston. They're Chinese girls and they suck your dick crying. They're missing fingers and shit. The Yakuza cuts their toes off and shit. If you don't send money to the families,
Starting point is 01:11:15 I mean, it's... That's very... Yeah, that's terrible. That's beyond... I don't know what the fuck. I'm not taking you from your family and your country. No, no, that'd be... Did you see this ISIS, Brian?
Starting point is 01:11:27 Yeah. Oh, God. That bitch is the kiss of that. You had three fucking husbands and a fucking kid. Now you want to come over here with an ISIS kid. Why would you do that? Why would you do that? What type of filthy fucking animal are you that you're raised in the United States?
Starting point is 01:11:41 They must give good dick? No. No. They eat hummus. They live in the weeds and shit. I like hummus. I like hummus. Oh, Jesus, great.
Starting point is 01:11:53 But it's, I mean, you have so much abilities as American woman, but. She's craving ISIS steak. Ah, yeah. Well, she got the taste. They throw it down. It's not that good. It must have to be great. She comes back with a little ISIS baby.
Starting point is 01:12:10 Well, no, they're not going to let her in. No, they're not letting her in. The kids fucking rubbed. down with gunpowder. That kid's ready to go. He's a 4th of July fucking. He's a firecracker. They don't need to know it. That's terrible man. I'm happy you came on and educated us today and educated our listeners. I'm so happy that I got invited and pleasure meeting you then. Well, your manager was very nice and he was very sweet and he talked you up and then you hit me up that night and it was very
Starting point is 01:12:35 nice to join in the dollar bill. When I open up the dollar bill, I'm like, I hope this is not cocaine. Oh my God. I got, it's like anxiety. I was like, oh my God. I thought it was cocaine. I'm like, I hope it's not cocaine. No. I'm going to have to give it to somebody or throw it away. And when I saw it was a joint, I just, what happened was you had a whole joint, but you didn't seal it. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:55 So the weed fell out of it. Oh, my God. When you rolled it up, but just the thought, somebody gave me a fucking ash pen. Did you know Friday I didn't smoke all day? Oh, really? You know, I didn't smoke until maybe 1.30 that morning before we ordered room service. I didn't smoke all day. Like, I smoked a vapor pen.
Starting point is 01:13:13 You ever smoke before you do your shows? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I smoke all day. By 8 o'clock, the smoke don't even work no more. I'll smoke a whole joint. That's what he's saying. It's so weird that he didn't smoke for 18 hours.
Starting point is 01:13:27 What I do is I smoke a pipe. I smoke a bong here. I smoke a pipe at the house, and I smoke joints on the road to mix it up to keep my lungs confused. Yeah. They never get used to one fucking thing. You know what I'm saying? You got to mix it up a little bit.
Starting point is 01:13:41 So when I go on the road, I can't bring a pipe through airlines. The pipe stinks. You got to clean it. What, I'm going to travel with a fucking bomb. So I just roll joints, and I really smoke a joint in the morning. I'm in my hotel room, so I don't smoke in the hotel room. I go for a walk around the neighbor. And then when I go to the show, if there's two shows, I'll bring three joints.
Starting point is 01:14:01 If there's one show, I'll bring two joints. Joints are great. Joints are great. And I know how to roll them. I've been rolling for 40 fucking years. I think my best performance is, and when I just smoke pot and go get giggly
Starting point is 01:14:15 and I get stupid that's the best like the other night yeah I like that shit I was doing the edibles on stage they just it's a 50-50 toss up
Starting point is 01:14:24 I like just smoking pot That's how I found you Like somebody told me about your shows and I'm like Who's Uncle Joey And then you were like smoking a joint And we're like you know
Starting point is 01:14:35 You ain't smoked at by 2 o'clock Don't fucking talk to me I was like oh my God Who is this? No You gotta get high early in the morning to get it out of the way. The last two mornings, the other morning I got up at 5, like 4.30 by myself to pee. Because I went to bed at 10 something, and I got it before something.
Starting point is 01:14:56 And I put my head back down. And I heard my daughter. I'm like, what I'm like, what I'm trying to hurt her again. And finally I popped my head up. I look at the monitor. I go, Terry, what the fuck is going on? And Mercy had the lights on her room reading a book. out loud.
Starting point is 01:15:15 So we just all got it. So her mother went in there, like her mother was furious. My wife got up, put a fucking robe on. And I can just see a tear ass in there. I heard, Mercy, turn the light off and go back to bed. And then we laid down for like 10 minutes, and you could still hear her.
Starting point is 01:15:31 And my wife got up. And I go, you know what? I got up and went into Mercy's room. And I go, what's going on at least? He goes, nothing. You want to go watch some TV? She goes, yeah, Daddy, let's go. My wife saw it.
Starting point is 01:15:43 She's like, what the fuck are you guys doing that at five in the morning? She's like, I can't sleep. I don't need it, could I. So we watched a little fucking TV, and then I took her to school, and it was fucking twins. So this morning it happened again. So my wife is pissed. She's walking around the house, like, don't do this no more.
Starting point is 01:16:00 She can't get into the habit of getting up in five. And we just sit there. I drink coffee. She watches duct tails. I ask her stupid fucking questions, and she looks at me like, not again. What do you say? The cousin's name?
Starting point is 01:16:15 Oh, I torment her from every fucking direction. I have to toughen her up, so if not, she's going to get eaten alive. Yes, yes. You always have an open invite. If you ever do any of your events or you want to do a cam thing. Oh, yeah. You always have a lot of invites. You're very intelligent.
Starting point is 01:16:32 You're beautiful. Thank you. I like what you're doing. And I'm happy you came on today. Thank you. Thank you very much for coming out. Thank you. I had a great time.
Starting point is 01:16:42 All right. I want to thank Dom Onix. What is it on? Mews. Onix Mews. She's a very lovely lady. I really enjoyed having her on.
Starting point is 01:16:50 I want to thank my man to Christkill. I want to thank you guys. Do not forget. Saturday and Friday later already sold out in Houston, Texas. So you got two motherfucking options. Thursday or fucking Friday.
Starting point is 01:17:01 So listen, that's all you got left. Don't tell me you didn't get tickets. Joey, I didn't know. If you don't know, now you know. Saturday is sold out and Friday fucking later. sold out. Thursday is still
Starting point is 01:17:14 available. A couple tickets left and fucking Friday is early. There's a ton of tickets left. You guys must have a fucking rocket game or something like that going on. Don't come to me crying fucking later. I'm letting you know right now. All I got for you guys this month is Houston, the Irvine Improv. Houston Improv.
Starting point is 01:17:33 That's it. That's all I got. Go to Improv.com. Go to Houston and then click on and get your tickets there. Don't hit me back and go. They won $150 for your tickets. It's Stubbub. Who the fuck told you to go to fucking stubb? I tell you to go to fucking stop up. No, I tell you to go to improv.com
Starting point is 01:17:49 and press in Houston and they'll give you the fucking thing. You get the tickets for nice and fucking cheap. 28, fucking 50, 25 on Thursday night, all right? So now you know, now you know how you do it. But before I go, the church is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. Let me tell you something. You know how hard it is to find the right people? Look how I've been stuck with Lee for seven years.
Starting point is 01:18:08 What do you think? Ha ha ha ha ha. No, I love this fucking kid. Anyway. ZipRecruiter makes it easy for you to hire, okay? Hiring used to be hard, multiple job sites, stacks a resume, a confusing review process, but today hiring can be easy and you can go to one place to get it done. ZipRecruiter.com slash church, okay?
Starting point is 01:18:30 ZipRecruiter sends your job to over 100 of the web's leading job boards, but they don't stop there with their powerful matching technology. ZipRecruiter scans thousands of resumes to find. people with the right experience and invites them to apply to your job. As the application comes in, ZipRecruiter analyzes each one and spotlights the top candidates so you never miss a great match, right or wrong. ZipRecruiter is effective. 80% of the employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day.
Starting point is 01:19:05 You understand me? Like I said in the beginning of the show, whether your business is small or large, you want the best people available. And right now, the church family can try ZipRecruiter for free. Gratis, free. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash church. Again, ziprecruiter.com slash church. C-H-U-R-C-H-ZipRecruiter.com slash church.
Starting point is 01:19:28 The church is also brought to you by. Listen to me. One time I asked my wife to shave my nutsack, and I was so fucking nervous. Okay? I don't like hair down there. Now I'm going to get dry. and brittle at the end. I'm an old man. You know what I'm saying? That's why I'm with manscaped. Uncle Joey's here to tell you this is the way to go. You don't have to suffer no more,
Starting point is 01:19:50 worry about your balls missing. We're about somebody pulling the bobbing on you. You're walking around with a half a dick. That's my fucking fantasy. Somebody cut and half your dick off. You don't need this shit. But with the lawnmower point, 2.0, the handheld razor with the skin safe technology, come on. So it won't nick or snag your nut sack. Because let me tell you some, you need those nuts sacks. You got to put them in people's mouths. This bad boy will leave you nice, clean, smooth, and anxiety fucking free. Plus, it's rechargeable and easy to hold. So you can get into all those fucking nooks and crannies under your asshole. You know that little pubic hair that sticks out of your asshole, that whole
Starting point is 01:20:27 fucking, that stink festival between your nut sack and your asshole. All that fucking hair, boom, it comes off. And they got a classic safety razor called. You ready for this one? The plow. That'll give you a smooth shave without the bumps. And you know what they say? If you trim the hedges, the tree looks taller. So what the fuck are you waiting for, you filthy fucking animals? Go to manscape.com. You can get everything you need to make your balls shine
Starting point is 01:20:55 and keep your dick looking fucking good. You don't want to end up looking like my fucking dick. It looks like it got hitting the head with 20 fucking hammers. And they got fucking ball wipe. They got a special nice little ball wipe. It makes your fucking nutsack nice and minty fresh. You understand me? This is the first time you've considered manscaping.
Starting point is 01:21:15 They got a deal for you. They got the perfect package. It comes at the lawn mower and the plow plus a crop reserver, a specialty formulated anti-shaffing deodorant so your balls don't stink. You need that. And Lee, you need that too. And the revivor, a sprit that tones and refreshes your nut sac, ooh, to keep it cool. That's the one I use, the reviver.
Starting point is 01:21:35 And my nuts sacks were red for the rest of the fucking night. It felt like somebody was balancing my nut sack. You ever see those Chinese people with those balls, man. Same thing. That's what it felt like. Like somebody was jiggling my nuts all night. So I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to take care of the church.
Starting point is 01:21:50 I'm going to get you 20% off your first order when you use promo code church. C-H-U-R-C-H at Manscape.com. Again, that's Manscape.com. And if you order the perfect package, they'll also throw in a free travel bag, which I have when you use promo code church. Again, promo code church. That's Manscape. and use promo code church for 20% off your first order. Wash your nuts at cocksucker.
Starting point is 01:22:18 Don't walk around going, why don't I have a date? Because your fucking dick smells like a camel. No more. Manscape.com promo code church on the way out. I want to thank ZipRecruiter. I want to thank fucking manscape.com. I want to thank Domo, a.a. onics, muse. But most importantly, I want to thank the church family.
Starting point is 01:22:38 For always being there for me, for understanding where the fuck we're coming. coming from me. You understand me? I want to thank the fucking Jew killer here, the Christ killer, and I want to thank you guys for being family. I'll see you next weekend. Tammy fucking Winkler be there, Ookie Spooky. Bobby Sharon ain't coming, but he's coming to fucking Dallas in San Antonio. We got the whole crew coming so I'll see you motherfuckers in the Houston, Texas next weekend. Stay black. Uncle Joey loves you. Kick this fucking Mulee.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.