The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #664 - Nick Turturro

Episode Date: March 7, 2019

Nick Turturro, an actor seen in "Blue Bloods" and "Jungle Fever", joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   Robinhood App - an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETF's, options and cryptos - all commission free. Go to church.robinhood.com to get a free stock like Apple, Ford or Sprint.  

Greetings from Podcastville. The church of what's happened now is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. Listen, hiring is challenging, but there's one place you can go where hiring is simple, fast, and smart. A place with growing businesses connect to qualified candidates. That place is ziprecruiter.com slash church. ZipRecruiter sends your job to over 100 of the web's leading job boards, but they don't stop there. With their powerful matching technology, ZipRecruiter scan. thousands of resumes to find the right people with the right experience and invites them to apply

to your job. You understand what I'm trying to say? Listen, hiring is toughen up. And right now, the church family can try ZipRecruiter for free. You heard that right. Free right now, right now. Go on. ZipRecruiter for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash church. That's ZipRecruiter.com Slash Church, C-H-U-R-C-C-H. Robin Hood is. an investment app that lets you buy and sell stocks, E.T.Fs, options, and cryptos all commission free. With Robin Hood, you can learn how to invest in the market as you build your portfolio. You discover new stocks, you trade your favorite companies, and you get custom notifications for price movement so you never miss the right movement to invest. Now, again, Robin Hood is

given the church family. Free stock like Apple, Ford, or Sprint to help you buy. You build your portfolio. Again, Robin Hood is giving our listeners, the Church of What's Happened Now, a free stock like Apple for the Sprint to help build your portfolio. What I want you to do is sign in at church.robinhood.com. Let's get this party started. Kick that mulee. Oh shit. You motherfuckers thought it was going to be a dead Thursday. Not really, you bad motherfuckers. We're going to cover the Oscars, flavor. Music, the Yankees.

Here we go. Come on, Joe. Kick this meal, leave. Put the V up for this shit. Come on, turn that motherfucker. Let's go. Blow this motherfucker up. Dr. Joe, he's bringing it.

Yeah. Oh, shit. Get down, baby. And you motherfucker has thought it was going to be a ho-hum day. Fuck this time today. Oh, shot. Place left to go. Houston, I'm coming, cock-sucked-suckers.

Yeah, we, baby. Baby. Was that the roller skating rink? Were you and your buddy? No, it's a disco, baby. Did you ever roller skate? Yeah, hot skates, Limburg, Long Island. No shit.

Yep, I used to wear spandex pants. No, you. How old were you? With feathers coming out of my ass. How old were you? My father was like, what the fuck? I was like 17. I couldn't roll a skate for shit.

Both the bitches. Yeah, but I had a girlfriend. At 13, 14, you had a rollerer. No, a little younger. I only roller skate like three times, and that was it for me. It was like a, like, she was a chick that wanted to go on Sundays and I went with it a couple times. Let me tell you, if you could go backwards, man, that was the ticket.

I could go backwards. We used to hold lines. Oh, you did? And go backwards and frontwards. Oh. You'd push off. But I still remember the most, I saw a guy fall off. I saw a guy fall on his wig fall off.

And people were all this game over his wig. And he's trying to pull him on his head. Wait, you're saying people. It was definitely you. You were one of those people, right? I was sitting on the side, minding my own business. Yeah. Talking to like three guys, like to where we are right now,

just looking at the girls, Roller Skate. And all of a sudden, this guy was dancing and shit. And I couldn't even tell he had a rug up. He had a rug on. And all of a sudden he went down and the rug came off. And somebody roller skate over the rug, and he tried to grab it. Oh, shit.

And then he went to put it on with the tape. It was on backwards. So the sideburns were coming down. He looked like fucking... Where was this? New Jersey. It's how to be like the park. When we were kids, we used to roller skate.

I like to say it was Paramus. I'd like to tell you it was Paramus, but I don't know what the fuck it was. Like I said, it was the sixth grade. Yeah. Seventh grade. This place Hot Skates is still there in Long Island. I actually did Kevin Can Wait, an episode with Kevin James, ironically a year ago. And I did a scene.

I was running a hot skate rink with Leah Remini at Hot Skates. I could not freaking believe it. And the Scientologist is just chasing you? Yeah. Yeah, they were, whatever. But I mean, it was funny. I'm like, I fucking used to go here with my girlfriend. I grew up here at Hot Skates and here I am filming a scene 30 years later,

you know, with Kevin and Lee. It was like, weird. I'm like, ha, this is unbelievable. Right near Rockville Center where I went to high school, St. Agnes Cathedral. My old stomping grounds, man, Merrick Boulevard. There was Merrick Boulevard in Sunrise Highway, Long Island, Limbrook Valley Stream, Rockville Center. I lived in Rosedale, which was like right on the borderline of Queens.

and then Long Island started in Nassau County. Fucking weird, man. Couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe it. I forgot about roller skating until I saw Brenner and did a bit about it. And they took me back. Like, I was in the original room and he was starting to do it. I'm like, oh, shit.

I forgot all about that. I went roller skating and the guy with the wig. It's cool, but there's something cool about it. It's almost like the driving movie theater. Like, imagine bringing that shit back. Imagine somebody bringing the driving You remember the driving movie It was fucking wild

You put the radio in the window The whole family were going to station wagon And hide under a blanket It was fucking great You know some of those things that were You don't realize how special they were To when you look back and you go Wow, roller skate

What movies did you see in the driving? I still remember one movie Oh, we saw Warriors No Yeah Warriors I saw five fingers of debt Had a driving

Off a Routerie in Clifton. Wow. Somebody recently, maybe about nine months ago on Facebook, said, Joey, you ain't shit unless you remember this. And it brought, like, sent me a message and said, tell me what you know about this or something like it.

Like I said, what do you know about this, bitch? Right. And I was like, dog, I saw five fingers of death. I saw probably four top-notch movies there that I cannot remember because there had to be something with shooting people. Mm-hmm. Because my stepfather would take me there And we put the box in the window.

Then after 45 minutes, you had to turn the car on because the windows would get fogged up. Right. So every 45 minutes, you had to turn the car on. I still remember that thing. You have any memory of how much the driving movie did it was? Like, I was too little, so I don't remember. No, it couldn't have been a lot. It couldn't have been a lot, right?

But they charge you by the head. They charge you by, like, a lot of times they used to, like, hide us under the blankets. Right. They would put us in the trunk. Yeah, they put us in the trunk or some shit. I'll tell you what else I saw it the driver movie, Greece. Greece, I saw that drive-in movie. Because that's the one we snuck a bunch of Puerto Ricans in the trunk.

In fact, that was one of them. We went in three in. It was like four for five dollars. There's actually a scene in Lords of Flatbush, which is a really good underrated movie. That's Stallone there with Perry King. Oh, my God, tremendous. And there's a scene with Perry King. He's trying to get with Susan Blakely at the Sunrise Drive-in

where we went as kids in Valais. Ali stream is that driving theater you watch that movie and you see he's trying he's getting on pants and she like she's this up and the Lord's a flat was good movie for fucking Rocky before Rocky that's before Rockie I saw it in the movie I saw that in the movie theater and I didn't know it that American graffiti that all are coming at the same time it was an under underrated right nobody nobody and he stuck out Stallone stuck out the diamond scene when he goes in there when he goes in there and tells the guy who tells the guy right You made the mistake.

Right. You know what I mean? Right. Then he goes outside and he goes, did I do it? Did I do it? You know. Right. And then they did a rip-off movie on that.

Of what? The Lord's a Flatbush? Yeah. In 79. I don't know. And the kids, remember the line of the movie was leave? No, that's not a rip-a-law. That's a good movie.

What was the name of that movie? No, no, that's not a rip-off movie. I know to lead the kid alone. That's a good movie. What was the name of the fucking? I'll tell you in the second. I'm like I met the director. No, it's a great movie.

It's a great movie. What the fuck? What is wrong with my memory? I talked to Sandler about Lords of Flatbush and Adam loved that and he loved this movie too. The one we're talking about, leave the kid alone. Not Porky's, but... No, not Porky's. It was a book and it's a good movie.

It's all about these gangs in New York. Yes. The Chinese gang, Italian gang, the black gang. I had a buddy who was a nit with. The Wanderers. The Wanderers. I'm the kind of guy. Yeah.

Yeah, it was a fucking good movie. That's a great movie. And the guy that made the film. I met him. I auditioned from. I forget his name. It was a good filmmaker. Oh, Kaufman. I believe Phil Kaufman. And it's a good. Oh, it's Ken Wall, man. He was good, Ken Wall. He was a leading man.

He was a wise guy and a big Italian guy. Leave the kid alone. Yeah. Ken Wall, I think Ken Wall was great in Fort Apache, the Bronx. Yeah, he was young. Paul Newman. Paul Newman. Danny Guy Yellow. The Mexican chick for Man on Fire.

Yeah. Who never changed. She was the hot nurse at the fucking... That's a good movie, Fort Apache the Bronx guys. You need to see these movies, the Wanderers, Lord's the Flatbush. Oh my God, I just remember the whole different genre of movies. These are all good movies. Fort Apache the Bronx was Miguel Paneros.

Miguel Panero. There was a movie called Short Eyes. You ever seen Short Eyes? Short Eyes. Miguel Panero wrote that in prison, I think. And they were in prison. And then they did a play about it with De Niro, Ralph Machio. That was the guy.

Ray Pavar who wrote that. Yes. And then he died of HIV. HIV. He was a drug. Amen. Because John did a play called La Putta Vita. Right.

And the Jinsky Choked. He was the Spanish plays. And I saw John Lagasamo make his debut. And De Niro did the other play, Cooper and his teddy bear. With Ralph Machio. Right. And I met that guy, Ray Pavad. And he was an interesting Puerto Rican guy from the Lower East Side, I think, you know.

And great writer. Great writer. and he died, you know, very young, but man, I mean, the guy could write. There was a guy in Michael Carmine who could act his ass off. He also died. He was in that group. I saw him come on stage and do a monologue. My fucking shoes were blown off my feet.

Blown off my, I said to my brother, who is this guy? Who is at the public theater? Because John was great. And then the Cohen brothers saw that, and they got inspired. That's why they wrote that guy in the, what he called? What's that fucking movie? where he plays the Jesus in that movie, the Big Lobowski, the Big Lobowski.

Yeah, so he plays that Puerto Rican pedophile guy who was based on a character he did in Ray Provide's play. That's where they got the idea of that character, the Jesus, that my brother did in the Big Lobosky. In the Big Lobosky, that's right. So you go back, short eyes,

and then that was Miguel Pinero, and then Ray Provide wrote these plays that, that's the one played De Niro. did he never did much many plays then i saw john do these plays at the public and that was ray provade and this other guy michael carmond great actor man great actor man Miguel panero pretty much wrote Miami vice i think he had a lot to do with it right he had a lot to do with it i mean there are there are guys that don't get the credit no you know i i know he just didn't have the ideas right what's his name was michael man took it yeah i know that even what about a friend of mine who

who had a lot to do with, you know, Chaz Pomeroy and Terry, you know, he basically, like, wrote Mike Starr, Bo Starr, you know, these guys and this guy, Frank Renzuli, great writer, kind of like helped him write or develop. Like, you know, they were outraged when he got a deal and all this shit, but they were, they helped Chaz and all this shit and then, you know, Chaz knocked them out or whatever, you know. There's always stories like that way guys didn't get there.

You know, they had a lot to do with it, but they weren't the lead guy. And then they got shunned, you know? So probably he was like that kind of guy I remember watching It was a double feature I think it was short eyes and something else It might have been a Scorsese movie And I just remember seeing that was a long time

You saw that right? What's that? Short eyes. A long time. Yeah, probably hard to find. And they did a play. Yep. That was a play also.

Probably. Because he was a playwright too, right? Yeah, that's all you. Like this other guy, Ray Pavar. They did a movie about Miguel Panero What was that called? Who played? him oh that Benjamin Brackenjohn nice guy he tried to how did he do is he deep enough to play him

I don't know he tried yes no yeah unless you really knew him and knew that these were like hardcore Puerto Rican guys from like the 70s that uh with junkies right junkies right junkies and they financed their junk through doing what the fourth wall does like yeah it would put together They were small theater. Right. Put plays, and then they all had problems, and they would set up these fucking things. There was always, like, three of them were junksters,

but one of them would always at least show. Right. But they always had to go hunt the other one down. You know, New York in the 70s, that junk destroyed. I saw that junk. The guy that turned me on to Richard Pryor was a Puerto Rican junkie. Right. His younger brother took me to his house and he goes,

bro, my brother's going to come out of the rule. don't be scared I'm like, what are you talking about? I thought he was like a monster or something. We're sitting and listening to the Beatles. I'll never forget that. Never forget that day. It's like in my head.

Because they were so hardcore, right? The hardcore. That heroin took those poor Puerto Rican kids in the Bronx off. When I was a kid and my mother had the dry cleaner, I would see people nodding everywhere. New York City was the Nod capital of the country. You're saying,

And what's nodding when people are falling asleep right and fucking funny it? Wow. And they would fall asleep on the streets. You know, that scene when American gangster, when they're driving down the street and they show those zombies. Right. I still remember that little window in New York. Yeah. There was a little window and everybody went on methadone.

They got worse for a while. Right. But this is 73 to 77. When those guys were running things, they were really, and they were brilliant. Pavad, Miguel Panero, they all had that. They had that genius in them. That genius. You know, it's like, what's that movie Bullets Over Broadway with Chaz Palman Terry?

Yeah. He was brilliant in that movie because he was a gangster. Right, but yet he was a poet. And he was a poet. Yeah. He helped write the, he was given the inspiration for it. And you can't see a guy that's been a writer all his life. Right.

And guys like this crazy. are doing the same type of job. Because they have a voice and they lived it. And if you could get that voice on the page, you know, that's like you can't, you know, you can't write that stuff. You can't find people, even writers can't work. Because they didn't experience it, you know. So if you can bring that to the page, forget it.

You know what I mean? It's just like your shit you do here and your humor. If you try to get it on the page for a show, you got to get, that's why you got to be involved in it to get your voice there. Unless there's a guy that, these guys are gone. There's nobody around like that anymore. That New York you're talking about, I was watching this thing recently on Jimmy Breslin and Pete Hamill

about New York and New York papers. It was fantastic when we grew up, the news, the post. Jimmy Brezlin was a star. These guys were stars. They were journalists, but they worked their way up from copy boy. They were fucking, they didn't go to, they didn't even graduate high school, you know? And they became superstars, but they were just reporters.

but they had a voice. They had a voice and they were real. They would report, but they would also tell, they would tell stories, New York stories, the paper, the New York Daily News,

the New York Post. It was great to get the pay. Now that business is gone. It's gone. You should watch this documentary. To have a, to get a daily news and to have it under your arm.

And to eat a buttered roll. With a fuck. And a coffee. With a coffee. In those days, I was a Coke and a can. You understand what that. That is.

Or are you who that. I know we've talked about that, but that's genius. That was your, that was the top of your day. Lee, you know, have you ever had a butter roll in New York? I don't think so. Okay. One day when you go to New York, open your eyes, you got to, I'm only kidding. But you can't have.

You got to fucking have a butter roll. You got to go to like a neighborhood. Yeah. Neighborhood deli. And a deli. What kind of roll is it? Because I've had a good, fresh roll. It's got to be fresh.

With butter. in New York, he knows a different. And fucking you. You can't get a butter roll out here. I can get a butter roll out here. No fucking way. You can get a butter roll out here. Okay, I'm so sorry.

No, it's not your fault. I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad at you. You know, it's a different, it was a different time. I'm just playing with you. To have a newspaper on the arm, to get on the subway and have the 30 minutes to fucking read the New York Post or a story

about somebody who got to rest in the Bronx. or, you know, and then you look at what number came out and then you'd read the fucking sports section, but I always knew, I was always a daily news guy because they gave you the right numbers. Me too. The Post made their own lines. Yeah.

So that's why I never liked the post. It was always a little more cheesy. Yeah, post was cheesy. I was in daily news type of guy. News just got like, you see it now. Everybody got fired. It's like 10 pages. There's nobody there.

So it's a shame. They want $2.50 for it at the airport. I shoplifted. Oh, man. Every time I go back somewhere. I don't blame you. I take it right. You know what American Airlines is?

I do the same thing. They have the New York Daily News right there by the thing. They want $4.50 for it. I know. I pick it up. No, no, no. I pick it up, fold it up, put it under my arm, and pay for the water. That's how good I am.

No, I do the same thing. And the lady looks at me like, where'd you get that paper from? Yeah, you justify it. I just got it at the house. The other day I was shouting with my wife, and she tried to bust me for drinking something. I said, I just spent $70 at CVS. What do you want to fucking bust me? My own wife.

And she's like, well, you didn't pay for that. So what? I spent money there. I spend fucking money So I figure I can justify Drinking a fucking drink That's $4 while I'm walking around I'm on

I still remember that movie With Joe Nameland to it? He made a sandwich I never did that I never made a sandwich I had a friend CC something What was the name of that movie?

C C C C rider I had a friend who used to The big guy I never did that's right I never did that Bro He made a sandwich in a movie Every fucking fat guy after that

Would walk into a supermarket I could rip open, Ascomiah co-cuts. No. And get a fresh thing of bread. That was your goal in the mid-70s. Right. Was to make a sandwich in the supermarket. You never did a job?

I was too scared. Yeah, I was always too scared. It was worse than shoplift. I could shoplift. Yeah. I could shoplift. Yeah. I can shoplift.

I'm good at it. I don't talk about it. I'm East Harlem train. I got better at it. I'm really good at shoplifting. Yeah. But that shit of making a sandwich, petrified this shit out of it. Yeah.

I would put a pack of a 10 pack of gum down my pants. That's the shot, right. If you think you're touching my dick, if you think I'm one of Michael Jackson's nephews, you better step back. I will fuck you up. This ain't never, never land, bitch. Oh, man.

I swear to God, I got stopped so many times. And they would say, we have to search you. When I was 12 or 13. When you were that young? And I would tell them, first off, do you know who I'm with? You would say that? Yeah.

You would say, you know what I'm with? At 12? Because the guy that I was with was a cop. Oh. So he wasn't really against us. So I go, Before you fucking call, you know where I'm went? I'm a carmine.

And if Carmine comes down here, he's going to throw a beating. He was known for their own beatings. Who, Carmine? This cop was known for their own beatings. And I hung out with his son. Shop right? Shop, we just talked anybody into, we could talk you into anything because we knew this guy. So why do you only go for gum?

We would, I mean, at that time, we would just shoplifting gun. We had the money to go to eat. We would eat a normal sandwich and on the way back from Union City. We'd stop and shop right and each of us would take a 10 pack a 10 pack a hubba bubba and then we'd go back to school chew it And then whip it at one another and big fucking chunks I mean we were animals in the seventh Wow I did three years at that school two years in the seventh grade and one year in the eighth grade You understand me and those three years Because after I got thrown out of Catholic school I went there and those three years were fucking tremendous

Even though I got left back and I was a half a morrow about that with the butter roll you dipped Dip it in the coffee. No, that's Spanish shit. That's Cubans like that. That's Cuban like that? Cuban take the kingdom bread with butter and dip in the coffee. You didn't do that, did you? No, you?

Not much. Yes, you did. I try it. Yes, you did. People do it. I don't like it that much. That's one thing that always kill. I didn't like coffee as a kid.

Me neither. Now I love it. I never drank it until I was... I can't function without it now. Didn't start drinking coffee until 2000. No, it made me shake as a child. 99. I used to have tea with lemon.

I was a real whim. I couldn't drink or making me the shakes My dad used to have Sanker and all that shit No, when I was a kid I drank those Cuban Expressos and they twist me up Really? When I was a kid I would go to Hernandez and fucking get Two of those. Yeah. What do you drink

Now? A lot regular coffee? Whatever my wife, Nescafe, the machine. Ness Cafe? Whatever the fucking thing. What do you have? A couple of day in the morning? I have a cup of coffee in the morning. One or two? And then like at 8 o'clock This is my secret. You get up early? Yeah, I got up at 6.

Yeah, you're a good guy. But what I do is if I have to do comedy, right at about 8.30, I blast a four thing espresso. Oh, really? I'll make four expresso. Oh, before you do comedy? At 8.30. Let's say my spots at 10.15.

Yeah, night. So I'm ready to bust. Yeah. I smoke some reefer. Yeah. I sprinkle some fucking malukia juice on it. And I don't listen to the radio on the way to the store. Really?

To really get me wired and sound. I'm like, my fucking grips are hard as I'm going down Laurel Canyon. Uh-huh. That's how you pump yourself up. A motherfucker, yeah. And I do okay, but I ate a bag of dick Sunday night at the comedy store. But I did it Saturday, Thursday, and Tuesday. You got to eat a bag of dicks from time to time.

It's showing you you're growing, you know? Yeah, yeah. People don't realize that. Like, when I left there, I called Lee, and I'm like, oh, I ate the biggest bag of dicks. And for Lee, being a year and a half comic, he's like, oh, my God, you know. And I'm like, Doug. Yeah. I feel bad, and he was happy about it.

I was happy because you get it out of the way. Yeah. That means you're not going to bomb for a while. If I bomb again next week, then fuck, I got it out of the way. You still bomb? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you still bomb, huh? Yeah, this last Sunday I know exactly what I did.

Yeah. I threw punchline for. How long yarn for? This week, 20 minutes. 20 minutes. Yeah, this Sunday night when I bombed, you're talking about? Yeah. Saturday I did 40, 40 or an hour. And you bombed?

No, I did well that. You did well. I took my time. Right. I went to the setup. Up Sunday I went down there on a show I wasn't supposed to be on. It wasn't my... Where is this?

At the store? It wasn't my type of show. Right. Was the audience wrong? The audience was right. Everything I did was wrong. I went out there maybe a little too cocky, and then I went out there without setting them up. You got to put a finger up their ass first.

You got to size their back. You got to rub their tities. You can't punch them in the pussy right off the junk on the Sunday. I forgot it was Sunday. It really creates a different mind. Right. That's why I never like Sundays. Different energy.

Sundays are very different energies that I never liked. And I realized as I was going up the hill and I got off the phone with Lee, I go, it's a cop-out. But for me, it's a reality. 27 years I've been doing comedy for that long. I've never liked doing comedy on Sundays.

I don't like it, so they don't like it. So when you say you're bombed, I mean, like, the audience just didn't, you know. They didn't take the full ride. They didn't take the ride. You know it, right? I mean, they... I knew it from the same.

second joke that this might not be a guy and I wasn't they weren't for me and did you did you and then I agitated them with racial jokes oh you did you fucking eat my wife's so iUD out and all that shit to really push them just because i know i don't have you right so i might as well practice you got a little angry and you did the no i didn't get it i don't get angry about eating pussy and all that yeah i flip it on them a little bit i get dirty yeah good finger up the air something right and that didn't work yeah no now they really really tightened up on me yeah and then I tried to pull that at that point now at the 10 minute listen you're getting your head punched everybody bombs you have to bomb even

bomb is an actor sometimes some days you're just off percentages yeah this is why you but if you only bomb five or 10 percent of time that's good right this is why the Yankees were always so good all those years because out of nine guys all I need a three to be hitting the ball right every World Series we won the World Series but yeah but this guy went oh for seven Look at what he did June, July, and August. He got him to the World Series. By August, he peed out a little bit.

He gets all he's 34. He's 32. But look who came through. That white guy that nobody talked about in June. You hated him in June. You hated him. He struck out in the ninth inning. He left men on base.

But look, look who went eight for nine in the world, eight out of 12 in the World Series. If you don't correct me, right, if history corrects me, because we were talking about all the world championships to Red Sox. One of the, uh, when the Red Sox played the Cincinnati Reds, 75. And 75. Yeah. You know who bailed them out? The guy that had gone 0 and 17, Tony Perez. Tony Perez went 0 for 18.

He hit the single that killed the Red Sox. Like, I don't know, I don't remember how they ended up. But he was a great hit at Tony Perez. But if you look at him, the World Series, Cincinnati did the same thing. Cincinnati played, uh, what's that movie Brad Pitt made? Oh, Moneyball. Moneyball. They played Moneyball.

What? In that World Series? And the way their style. Cincinnati Red style was to irritate you. The Big Red Machine? The Big Red Machine style was if you watch a game now, they had a channel a couple of years ago called Classic MLB. Right.

I don't know if it's still on. And I remember two times I was away on the road, and I got stuck watching their games. Yeah. And I was mesmerized. I didn't remember that strategy. I didn't know strategies when I was 10. Their strategy was, who was their lead-off hitter?

Joe Morgan. Joe Morgan. And what did he always do? Bunt did. A little bit. And if he got on first, that was your end. That was it. You know what his percentages were of getting on first?

Six out of ten. So once he got on first, what else was Joe Morgan known to do? He was still bases. There you go. So now we start torturing. the pitcher yeah but he was a complete player now we start swinging from the side remember he would swing his shoulders like he was on the fucking tree i can see why you really uh connected with his team then they then after number two was like he rose p rose yeah that's a single that's that's a guy on

first that's gonna steal second so you're already hitting the fucking glove with the ball wow and now p you know you got to face pete rose it's fucking 735 oh my goodness it's 735 in most fucking places and I got to throw a P. Rose with your Morgan over here and he's going to steal. He's going to steal the fucking base. And then he'd steal Morgan, push him to third and then Rose

would get a thing. And then who is number three? Johnny Bench. You can't get out of this rotation. And they had like four thieves. They had four thieves that were just tormented. I watched the game where the whole rotation went

twice. Don Gullough hit like a Yeah. Like even Don Gullet, the big, the pitcher was hitting singles. He's stealing bases. Like, I remember one time when I watched him on that classic thing when they took the pitcher out, you could tell the pitcher, tell him the coach, like, I'm done. I'm done. I'm going back to the farm. I don't need this. They had fucking two home runs. They stole 18 bases on one inning. They would steal home plate. Just to fuck with your brother. They were aggressive. They were very aggressive. Concepcion was a snake. The kid's father. You had Ken Griffey Senior. You had Eric Foster, who was the only, George Foster, who was the only guy on the team? Beside Benzic. Cesar Geronimo. Sayzar Geronimo.

This was a team that was a good team. And they were solid year, but they drove you crazy. They were a great team. They were great. They just drove you crazy. They were banging on the door, 72, 70. They were banging on the playoffs, 73. Then they lost to the Mets.

Didn't they lose Oklahoma's one year? They lost to 72. In Old Bill, the A's. Yeah, their first. Sal Bando. That was their first World Series. That was a good team, too. That was a good team.

Gene tennis. With the fucking mustache. Joe Rudy, they look like the, they look like the village people. They all had moustaches. They had vital blue. They had fucking Rachel Jackson, Burr Campaneras. They were fucking great team. Bill North, they were Dick Green.

They were fucking great team, the Oakland A's. They were the swinging A's. They actually won in 72, 73, and 74. And then the Reds, the Big Reds, The big red machine came of age, 75 and 76. They swept the Yankees in 76. Big Red Machine, like embarrassed the Yankees that year. The Yankees won the pennant.

They didn't want a pennant in 12 years. Chris Jamers hit a home run, but they swept the Yankees out. And it's a year before 75, that's when they beat the Reds in that red sock in that great seven-game epic series. It was great. Game 6 was the great game. Carlton Fisk, yeah. Where they fucking tied the game. Bernie Carbo tied the game.

It was an ex-red. And he looked, he was getting overmatch. She hits a three run home and a tie it. And then Carlton Fiske, their fucking beloved Red Sock. He was great player. He was a great player. He hit one off the foul pole. And then game seven, they were winning like three nothing, the Red Sox.

And then they came back. Perez hit a home run. I think all fucking Bill Lee. Like he was. Yeah. And then a little single. I think they won four to three or something. That's how they beat you.

Yeah. How do you? I remember shit about baseball. This is amazing. That I could not remember anything about my whole life. but if you ask me shit I can put myself right there and right in the place

watching the game, watching the pitch I know exact where I exact facts of baseball to the T especially in the 70s and I can't remember shit about my life but I could tell you who threw the pitch you know you know it's unbelievable

how it sticks in my fucking head especially in the 70s it's so in you know like I was watching that Bucky Dennett bat against Mike Torres it's just fantastic in 78 when he hit the home run but he fouled the ball off he cracked his bat

Mickey Rivers gives him a back he goes hey homie hey homie your bat is cracked your bat is cracked fucking Buckie Dent didn't know and then they took a long time before they went and Mike Torres never threw a fucking warm-up pitch he never threw a warm up pitch and then after the kid that gave him the bat

he was from my town Rosedale Sir Andreas handed the fucking town handed the bat to fucking Bucky Dent and Bucky Den had the tree run home I was in my friend's basement. Yankees were up three, two. They went up four, two, Reggie hit a homer. Red Sox came back, five, four.

In the ninth inning, they had fucking first and third. Two outs were the goose throwing the fucking Yaz. And Yaz popped it up. Yass popped up the motherfucking ball. Did you watch the Mets growing up? Yeah, I watched the Mets. George Theodore and all of them. Tom Civa, Cusman, Grody.

I grew up on them. My mother was such a phone. Because I'm from Queens. So I knew the Mets first. And some kids took me, I had a Puerto Rican friend. He took me to the Broner. I was shitting in my boots. I never went to the Bronx.

73. That's how I went. That's how I became a Yankee fan. My friend Julius Pacheco, who was a fucking Puerto Rican kid, took me to the Yankee Stadium. And I fell in love, man. I fell in love with Bobby Mercer and Dermann's.

I was like, wow. People were like, how the fuck were you a Yankee fan? You're fucking from Queens. You're from Rosedale, the Mets. I know, that's all I knew was the Mets when I was a kid, you know, and then the Yankees weren't very good then. But the Mets were really probably more loved. They're probably more loved than the Yankees

because you got to remember New York was in National League City. You know, you had two teams, three teams back in the day, the Giants, the Dodgers, those were national league teams. The Yankees were always fucking hated. The Dodgers were loved. They were more loved than the Mets are basically like a fucking bastard child of the Giants and the Dodgers. Like those fucking teams had an affair and they left town.

And then the fucking Mets were born. If you look at the Mets colors, they're all the fucking Dodger and giant colors. The blue, the orange. And this song is hilarious. Meet the Mets. Meet the Mets step right up and greet the Mets. It cracks me up. You know, Shay Stadium, I remember.

When I had friends that would, when I had friends that would bet the Mets and the game would start, you would sing, beat the Mets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on down. Fuck you. Beat the Mets. Well, you were a Mets fan? Because you remember George Standoah. My mother was a fucking diehard.

She was a Mets fan. and a Red Sox fan. But the love of all life was Tom Seaver. In my book, maybe one of the greatest pitches. Tom Seva was the love of our life. She was in love with him. She wanted to men. Then when they trade him to Cincinnati, she was fucking heartbroken.

She humiliated Rusty Stop. Wow. She humiliated him. The Grange. So they made her sit on the other side on right field. He was a right fielder. Right field. Yeah.

Number four, I think. They made her six on Lerangell. left field because she would throw chicken wings. Really? At Rusty? At Rusty? Why'd she hate Rusty? Because he dropped the ball one night and she lost a bet. God forbid. So she never let Rusty die. Like she fucking torment him. If she was alive, she would have gone for the cemetery and spent on his grave.

She would give you like the name of eight players that she bumped into, she was going to smack him in the face. She carried like a list. And she knew exactly why they made me lose a thousand bucks or whatever. She stole a bell from my church once. And the last year, one of the reasons why I got thrown out of Catholic school, I was great for two and a half years. In Catholic school? Catholic school. I was a firm Catholic. What was the name of the Catholic? Sacred Heart School for boys.

It was a grammar school? A grammar school, eighth grade, but it was, what do you call that, when you sleep there? Oh, boarding school. And they meet the fuck. It's funny, a couple nights ago, I remember the story. I remember, you know, people always go, how to fuck do you? remember these stories because I remember one and as I'm writing one right I'll remember another right because one one one triggers another I have questions to ask yeah yeah how come at this place

there was really no sexual molestation like I thought back but maybe there was but maybe you didn't know you know what a couple nights ago I got the one night that I talked to Lee I had a double espresso like nine o'clock and I was off the fucking rails I had like four expressos Really? At like 9 o'clock and I got home from the Comedy Store. I was more wide when I got home. And I went online and I found a thread for a Reddit. Reddit.

Whatever is that called? Yeah, Reddit. And it was people that had gone there before me. Sacred High School. Sacred Heart School. It was like a page for people from, like I was there from 70 to 73. And this was a page for people who had been there from 1960. 62 to 66 it was an orphanage

And then it opened up as a school in Coney New Jersey They shot the Sopranos on Corny New Jersey in Coney New Jersey in Coney New Jersey Yeah, I heard of that was right up right up the street. Well I shot analyze that we shot it two blocks from there I even asked the store West Wilson Avenue because the school was on 22 Wilson Avenue He goes Wilson Avenue's two blocks down I go that's why I remembered this road I remembered that they would pick me up shoot up and this was the road to root right whatever 46 or three is that where the bada bing was over there no that's that's towards uh that's towards the fort george

washington bridge oh okay this isn't this is 15 20 minutes away suburbia it's a street i think satrials was there and or maybe not i could be wrong i know for sure the hardware store was chris maltasanti his father-in-law right one they used was i think around there could be they own, I'm not sure. But I went on the Reddit page, and most of the complaints I found, 90% of them were the beatings that the kids took. Oh, beatens. Yeah, because they would beat you there.

Right. And then one kid didn't mention a nun that was there when I was there. Sister Regina and the one that hit me, Sister Heissent, were mentioned in that thread. And everybody had the same thing to say about Sister Heistin. I hope she's burning in hell. Yeah. She fucking poked me in the eye one time, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I had done great at that school.

They didn't like me because I didn't drink milk. I didn't like milk. Me neither. I didn't like the taste of it. I don't like milk. I don't like it. So they would pour it over my head. Milk?

Yeah. You know, at the end, you know, you had to show them your tray. Yeah, the milk cart. So your little jail fucking, you know, a TV dinner portion had to be empty. And then they would check your milk and your water. You got to drink your milk and your glass of water.

I would always drink the water. Yeah. But leave. I can only, I would have to drink milk the way he eats mushrooms and stuff. Hold your mouth, yeah. I mean, that's how bad I fucking hate it. Did you drink chocolate milk?

Like a motherfucker. Yeah. Or strawberry milk. Yeah. They didn't accept that. They were like, we can't get that. Right, you have to drink. Back in those days, they believed, you know. You had to drink milk.

You needed milk for your bones or some shit. She fucking drew beatings on me. And then like the last year, like the last year, I started getting a little old. I was hanging on a 148 street with some fucking, You know, where I lived was nice white kids. When my godmother lived, they were street kids. Right.

And their rules were a lot different from the rules on 88th Street. Their rule, these kids lived for a bedroom, you know, their rules are different. Right. And I started listening to their rules a little more. Their rules made a little bit more sense to me. And I would tell them they would go, you get hit. You know, everybody in the 70s knew you got hit in Catholic school. Right.

Like that was known. There was no. Yeah. You got hit. And they would say, next time they hit, you get. you blocked that shit. And they would tell me stories about that cousin, Yermo, knocked out of none in the Bronx and shit.

And I'd be like, what? Really? You hit a fucking nun, yeah. Wow. They punched her in shit. I'm like, pro. Really? Like, you're going to go to hell for that.

Yeah, that was harsh. I started thinking about them. Like, I started thinking, like, as I was going there, Bruce Lee came out. Yeah. You know, and I remember one beat and I got that wasn't pleasant. And I remember going home not saying none to my mother. And just saying to myself the next time,

you know, I didn't talk to that none. Like, I never had contact. They had a paddle or something. They had a paddle or something. They had a paddle or a pointer. They would hit you with a pointer. Then there was a guy there that had been in the orphanage and he would have a dog that would bite you.

Really? Like a little mud dog that would grab your jeans and shit. He would hit you with the stick. If you think about it now, then as a child, you don't know, you know. It's amazing they got away with that shit. They got away with it. Because in the 7th,

If you went home and told your father that the guy down the block Lee kicked you. Yeah. He'd go, what did he kick you for? There's got to be a reason. I call them a fucking Jew. Well, then I'm going to smack you because I didn't raise you to call people a fucking joke. Exactly.

So you couldn't go home and tell you your father that. They wouldn't back you up back then. Parents would go, then you deserve to get you up and stuff. If you fucked up, they'd say, well, there's a reason why you must have. Not like today, the parents would come to the kid's defense or whatever. Even if the kid did wrong, he would, you know, oh, you know, you can't touch your my kid no matter what he does. But back then, they, you know, they could do that.

They could do that. But I went back on the thread and there was nothing for sexual assault. But I remember I told Lee, I told the story on stage. I don't know if I told it on stage. I remembered about the kid I stuck up for when I got thrown out of Catholics. There was a reason why I stuck up for him.

The reason why I stuck up for that kid was he was little on the weak side. Him and his brother were twins. And the one, the guy I stuck up for was getting harassed by this big black kid. This big black kid's name was Lazzarito. He could have been Cuban or Puerto Rican

or Dominican. I don't know. Would you say he was a black kid? Right. Because he was very, very dark. I remember him being very, very dark. Right. And there were rumors going around. La Zerito was fucking people in the ass. Really? And on the playground. The Lazzarito would always ask people.

Yeah, we could do it all the time and shit like that. But I guess he found the weakness in Raphael. and the Bravo brothers and he started like fucking I'll never forget that I was a couple beds from them

but their beds, their heads were together oh boy so he would earmark him on like come on it's going to bathroom and get away with it and people said they could hear it and I was like

hey you fucking guys crazy no I had never heard of that at that age I was 10 I didn't know anything about that world I knew about gay men but I didn't know that guys did it when they were in the fifth fucking great. I had no

fucking idea of this. Yeah, that's like... And sure enough, one night I got up to pee, like three in the morning, like I got up. And the nun's room, you know, you would sleep in a big dormitory. And the nuns slept in a dormitory with you. Her room had a door

and a wall. But the ceiling was open. Like, that'd be so she could hear us. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. And I'll never forget that. I don't know if I woke up to pee or I don't know if I woke up from hearing Lazzarito fucking that kid. And I'll never forget like getting up, putting my slippers on and walking towards the bathroom. Did you really see it?

Between you and me, man. I mean, do you know for a fact that you saw it? Between you and I, I saw something. You saw something? I saw something. Sounds like that. What it was, I don't know. Oh.

What it was, I don't know what the, I didn't know what the sex positions were. I was fucking 10 years old. Yeah, yeah, I understand. But I saw them over the urinals. Oh, boy. Okay, and he was doing something to his ass. I don't know what he was doing.

So I went back and laid down. And I didn't say nothing. Did you hear that laugh? Oh, my God. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? I mean, I don't know if he was raping him or what he was doing to him. And I'll never forget that I talked to.

Like, you know, there was a couple kids from Union City Surprise you weren't traumatized, but you didn't really see. You didn't have to be anymore. There was a couple kids from Union City that I had grown up with later after that there was a kid that his father had a pharmacy, six blocks from my mother's bar, and there was another kid that had grown up there.

There was this mafia family. There were two brothers, Rubeiro's. And I bumped in there. into them years later. Yeah. And whenever I would bump into them, they would always go, hey, you remember Lazarito

when he fucked Raphael Bravo? And I always felt really bad about that. Like, I always felt like, man, and this year, I did a show at Gotham, and one of the guys showed he married one of my friends. They got married later on in life, like in their 40s. One of the guys from the boarding school?

From the boarding school. And I started talking to him, back and forth. And I go, do you think Lazarita? He goes, I remember mumbings about that. He goes, The Raphael kid was kind of a hook, too. I don't know if you remember that. And I mistook it as a weak kid. Right.

Did they act kind of like, you know. I don't remember. I don't remember. Who knows it, Daddy? But the other night, in my fucking highness, there's not only in my fucking whacking that, not only am I high on the caffeine. I'm also whacking that doots lutes a lutes in the back every 15 minutes.

I'm hit with the pipe. You know, I'm listening to music. I'm writing in a notebook. I got a computer open at the same time. Let me check on this. I remember. And I checked on Lazarita. I went through all the Facebook, and there he was.

Really? A grown man. I went to him. I went to his messages. I tried to be his friend. Had me. What did he say? I didn't hear nothing.

And then I hit him with a message. Hey, do you remember fucking Raphael Bravo and he asked the fifth grade? You said that? Yes, I did. And the next day, he was off Facebook. Oh, forget it. So done. So I was right.

So you were right? I was right. I was right. Something had happened. Oh, yeah. But he had kids now. You know, he had a wife. Yeah, but the fact that you said, you know.

Yeah. That he might have been the fruity, the Marty. He fucking banging the kid in the whatever, the cullo. I felt really bad because I remember those kids, how bad, like, the kid was traumatized after you got fucking in the ass. I'm traumatized. That's not like a bunch of kids jerking off and they get caught by their parents or something, you know. I mean, that's a little worse. That's pretty bad.

We had a shower. Wow. Like, remember the Sopranos when the kid was taking a show and he shit in the shower? Remember that episode? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were like a bunch of kids in a school shower. I'll never forget that. We used to stand around the shower.

And one day, Lazarino Vala got a fucking piece of soap and put it up on the kid's asses and the shit was on the soap. And he threw it on the floor. Oh, my God. Fucking the nun came in and smacks like any kids. Who the fuck would put that? She thought I did it. The dollar-like type of guy that puts a bar of soap up and fucking ass. God.

Oh, my God. She was smacking people. Who did that with a bar of soap? Oh, my God. And Lazareita went behind some kid. It went like that. Your ass is dirty. And the soap was white.

It looked like a fucking, like one of those. Oh, man. Not a snow cone. But the other one that's dipped in chocolate. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, man. Oh, shit.

Oh, man. I shouldn't be saying this shit. I know. It's crazy because I was watching that fucking Michael Jackson thing. I didn't watch it. Was it bad? Yeah. It's, uh...

And who's it coming from? Who? Some of these victims? Two kids that went to testify that Michael was good to them. And then the, the effects of this stuff came into their lives, you know, the effects of getting your tongue licked at seven, and, you know, then the kid came back to shoot the video, and it was McCauley Cokin, and I related to one part of it. I did relate to one part of it, because it happened to

me, is being overwhelmed. All the parents were very overwhelmed. So, they're not talking Nick Detoura who lives in whatever fuck you live. They're talking to Nick Tatura who lived in Rosedale. Right. And your father worked hard every day. And your mother worked hard. And all of a sudden, you do a dance contest and you win. And they take a picture of you, and Michael Jackson requests to meet you.

And he flies to your hometown. He meets, he meets your parents. And all of a week later, he flies you. And your middle class works. working parents out from Queens. Right. And brings them to Never, never,

land, or whatever the fuck they lived. I mean, they both had the similar stories. And, you know, you go to a, I mean,

you know, these kids were saying, shit that, it was Michael Jackson. So you went to Toys R Us, and it was like, fill the cart to the top. But on top of that,

they're taking care of your parents, you know. So now Michael Jackson comes to you and says, I fucking love Nick Nick, you know. Right. I want him to he's seven but he's gonna be a great fucking dancer the talent is overburied I want to take you and him on the road on my international tour right Japan Tokyo

Australia whatever all the places your parents ever dreamed about going they don't have two nickels to run together and guess what at the beginning of the tour you're staying right next to Michael Jackson's room in a suite and you got a maid and room service but at the the night your kid wants to sleep with Michael you know in his room and they got extra rooms over there for you so you're like you don't want to break your kids hard sure he's with his hero how harmless could this be right and then you know I mean they just told these stories that and I look at it as getting overwhelmed you know your middle class I mean the one lady even said he lent us money to buy house and see me

out. I mean, Michael was very generous, that whole thing. That's the story of these two guys, and I had this happen to somebody close to me. Right. This similar situation, it didn't happen with a celebrity. It happened to them with a relative. Right. And they, you know, pulled me aside when they said, can they talk to me? And this person was about 30. So two kids have similar stories? Similar stories of what, how they were rotated, how, you know, what he did, what he didn't do, how he kept in touch. them how the kid and both of them are successful like they both

went out one kid went to be a choreographer for Britney Spears and when he was 14 he tried to fuck him in the ass and it hurt too much so he fucking took his dick out and he drove him to his house the car drove him to his house

and he went back to whatever the next day Michael's secretary called that they were going to pick him up right away and Michael brought him to the studio and said what did you do with the underway He goes, go home and get it before anybody finds it because there might be blood stains in it. You know, it's just, and you sit there.

I don't know what to say. You sit there as a parent. You sit there as a human being. You sit there as a man. You sit there as somebody who likes kids. But I also sit there as a criminal. And I know when somebody is playing with somebody's mind, you know, and you and I both know,

look at what happened two weeks ago with Jesse Smolett. That didn't happen because it was Blay. as gay, that didn't happen because of his black, that happened because of the pressures of Hollywood, bro. Sometimes we forget who the fuck we are. And it happens to all of us at one time. And then we catch ourselves and go, what the fuck was I thinking?

Right. I don't like these people. I don't know none about these people. Right. I don't even like these people. I would not hang out with these people if you fucking paid me. Like when you really come to think about it at the end,

you know, the Harvey Weinstein's, all this shit. This only happens here, Nick. because people are willing to sell their soul. You know, when I first started going to Ivana Chubbock, the acting school, I was a stand-up that was barely making a living. And one day I booked Matt TV, whatever. Right.

And some of the girls in the class saw it. They were all 23, 24, 27, and they would all come up to me and go, you have an agent? Yeah. If you've got as an agent, we'll do anything for you. I mean, people are willing to suck a dick for an agent in this town. Yeah.

So what do you think Harvey saw? Harvey saw an opportunity, and he took it. Am I mad at him? Yeah, he's a fucking pedophile, whatever the fuck he is. But, you know, people are willing to sell their soul in this town. Yeah, they are. We've seen it happen 30,000 times. The reason why you and I are still here is because we didn't sell ourselves.

We may not be rich. We may not have a butler. We may not work every day. Well, at least we know who the fuck we are. Right. And we're not fucking confused. And you've ever worked on a kid show? Yeah.

You ever see the mothers? Yeah, it's insane. It's insane. Yeah, it's insane. But people who don't know, at home, you have what's called stage moms. Yeah. And guys, you don't even want to know what that world entails. No, you don't.

That's a complete different world in this town that you don't even want to get to know. Because it's... They will do anything. Anything. The mothers will do. The parents are ruthless. Anything. And the fathers are at home working.

Right. They're working on nine to five. And where are the fuck? And that's why a lot of those kids, you know, are not protected. And a lot of those kids get fucking destroyed. And some of them that are stars wind up, you know, dead and hooked on drugs. And, you know, it's stories that I spoke to Rick Schroeder years ago. And he was telling me he had good parents and they protected him.

He could have been, like a lot of his friends in Hollywood that got fucked up and destroyed. So between the parents, the drugs, the pressure, stardom, you know, it's just too much, man. So what the fuck? You didn't get invited to the Oscars. I was all happy. I know. It's unbelievable. I thought you were going to the fucking Oscars.

You were great. Well, you know, no, thank you. Thank you. I went to the SAG Awards. I went to the SAG Awards. But the Oscars, not everybody gets invited to the Oscars. The Oscars is very political and you've got to be, I think if you're a member, even if you're a member, it's like by, you know, it's by a lot of.

now to even get a fucking ticket. Maybe a couple of people that were nominated will get invited. But not everybody from the movie. A lot of the guys I spoke to that were in the movie that had good parts like me weren't invited. So that's just how it, you know, it would have been nice to be there. But the bottom line, I was in the movie. The movie is an Academy Award movie.

Won the Cannes Film Festival. So, I mean, listen, I've been to all these big award shows, except the Oscars. So it would have been nice. When you were shooting the movie, did you think there was an Oscar? No. Would be anything?

No, I just thought it was interesting. I thought, you know, I was only there for like nine days, whatever, did my role. I hadn't worked with Spike in a long time. But I did like the tone of the movie. I thought Adam Driver was interesting. John David, I liked him. But I had no expectations. I didn't think the movie was going to be anything that big until Spike told me this is like

some do the right thing shit, Nick. You know, and when I saw I did the looping for it, I said, oh, and I heard it got into the con film festival and I said, Oh, it must be good It must be good I almost went to Kahn I got two tickets That I fucked up

I didn't go I should have my son was like You blew it you blew it I could have went to the Kahn And walked that red car I should have just went I got the plane ticket You know because Kahn is like

It's a scene It's like the Oscars Maybe even more prestige in a way But it won the The camera at the order Whatever they call it over there But no I didn't I didn't know man

I didn't really know It was going to be That that you know That kind of movie Sometimes it's better when you don't expect shit like that. You know, it's like years ago with NYPD, I didn't know NYPD Blue was going to be, you know, legendary show. But sometimes, you know, the things you think that are going to be fucking home runs

never are. But this was a, this all came together. And, you know, when I saw the premiere in Brooklyn, that was a great night. John was there. And, you know, everybody was like, man, this is dynamite. It was, it was, you know, it was a great feeling. I mean, but like I say, I would have liked to have been to the Oscars. but I wasn't there, so it's okay.

I'm still in the movie. So, and the movie's going to, you know, a lot of people are watching it now. And I have Spike finally got his Oscar, which is cool. I'm happy for him. He's back in the game, you know. It's been a minute. But Spike, you know, he's had a great body of work. And, you know, it all started for me with him,

Mo Better Blues, Jungle Fever. I mean, it wasn't for him. I might not even be in show business. I mean, I was thinking about it. Like, if I didn't meet him, and I didn't scream those racial obscenities or whatever he made me do I fucking who knows

I might have not even become an actor it was funny how someone gets you started that starts you and it all started with him How old were you? I was like my late 20s I was in my fucking late 20s and I went down one night to be an extra and then I didn't show up the next night and I don't know he was asking like what happened

why didn't he come back and then he called me one day out of the blue to do some looping for fucking more better blues Oh, not Moved, but do the right thing. And then that's how I, you know, that's how I caught his attention by yelling and screaming this fucking racial obscenities for like three hours. And he was laughing hard.

And next thing I know, he put me in a movie. So, you know, it was Moe Better Blues, man. I mean, two Jewish guys were playing two Jews, me and my brother. Mo and Josh Flapush, you know, Denzel Washington. I was like, who's this guy? Wow, he's fucking good. And my brother was like, oh, yeah, this guy is like, you know, I was like, I just hope I can do it.

I hope I don't suck. It was my first movie, you know. But I worked hard, you know, and I remember after a couple of weeks, my brother goes, I had to go back to being the doorman. Don't forget what happened here. Don't forget the experience you had. So I won't, I won't. I knew like, you know, it definitely changed my, you know,

and then Spike was like, I got something else for you coming. Something better. You know, next movie. I was like, all right, great. So that started the whole shit. That was jungle fever. And then that was like my coming out party. You know, I was like really fucking so psyched and pumped.

We were rehearsing. I had the hair cut, the Sergio Ticini sweatsuit. I mean, fucking, I was really like in a zone in that movie. I knew after that movie I said, all right, this is it. I'm doing this. I'm going for this. No, nothing stopping me now. I was like, that really was my, you know, so it's always special, you know,

to do something with a guy that started you, you know what I mean? It's nice to have that feeling, you know. You know, the only thing is you don't. pay a lot. He don't pay a lot, but that's how he is. But it's okay. You know, man, I say it all the time how the allure of this town. For me, it was never the start thing. For me, it was never the start thing. It was just doing what I wanted to do. I liked. I enjoyed comedy. I enjoyed a movie or a TV show from time to time. It wasn't money or anything like that. It was just something I enjoyed, you know?

Mm-hmm. And to still be 56 and still live here, and you go like, Joe, I could see your... Not unpleasantness, not hate, because I don't hate it. I just know I'm not going to settle here. I know I don't want to die in California. I want to have a different type of house. Me too.

I want to have a different type of life. I want it to be a little slower. You know, but the thing that keeps you here is whether it's Lee or you or me, it's that everything could change. Right. And nobody else that lives like that understands that. We're here talking today and tomorrow you might get a show, a call to go to Culver City at 4.30 to read this new fucking show on ABC. And you go in there and a year later, it's on Time magazine, it's on the cover of this. it wins 13 Emmys

and your fucking life changes forever. Yeah, 57 years old or 23 years old or 38 years old. Something that doesn't happen when you just have a regular day job. Exactly. If I'm on a day job and I'm going to work on a movie theater, I might get promoted to manage it. It's not going to change

my life. Exactly. It's going to put a couple of ducats in my pocket and whatever. That's why the allure of that. The allure of that. You're only a job away. It's my lottery ticket. Right, right. You're one job away. from getting back on top. And you don't know what job that's going to be.

Yeah. It could be a movie with Will Smith or it could be a fucking short film for Johnny Delacruz that goes to Cannes and wins best film. Sure. But a guy that's doing a pilot of NBC that was actually going to go with Johnny Gumbats

to play that part is now going to go with you because on the way out he heard your voice or whatever the fuck. Yeah. That thing is what keeps us here. That little, that all, This could change. Now, what do you want it to change?

What do you want to fly around the World Lake Prince? I don't want to do that stuff now. No. I don't have the, I don't have, but you can know that maybe somebody puts together a show that it's going to be the best five years of your life. Yeah. And you're going to do it from 58 to 63. Yep. And then when you're done, you're done.

You're done. You're done. That's what I want. Yeah. I want that. I want that. I want that. And not just the money.

I want that feeling again. I want that feeling like when, I remember when. I'm never going to feel like that one on NYPD Blue and I was young and this and that and everything was so new, so fresh. So when I think back like sometimes I go, wow, did I really, did I soak it all in? That I enjoy it. I probably did because I was in it. But just that feeling that high again to be a part of something that good and to have that ride. I want one good ride before I fucking go on to wherever I go.

I mean, I'm hanging on. That's what I'm hanging on to. You know, because I still got some shit left in the tank. I still got some punch left. Worst case scenario, you could always be a fucking chef. Yeah. You brought some sauce in the way. I brought some sauce.

So, you know, maybe I branch out. Where did you get this bread from? It's okay. I just picked it up from Gelson's. Yeah. So we mass produced it. Now I'm sampling it. Has it tastes?

Tremendous, huh? You know, I went to original Joe's a couple weeks ago in San Jose. San Francisco. Right. I've been there for 92 years. And there was a point where I just tasted the spaghetti. Right. Like without the sauce, I got some of the spaghetti.

Right. The spaghetti was fucking delicious. Good, huh? I could taste the flavor. They put the butter in it. They put it back in the pot and stirred the butter in it. Nice. Al dante.

Show them the color of that. Good color, too. They got the rib in there, everything. Just has to be marketed. That's it. I mean, my mom made an incredible source And now I've developed mine And everybody goes nuts over it

So it's just a matter of, you know Getting some The right people behind it Maybe put me and John's face on it You know, even though he didn't make it But it's our family You know what I mean, it's in us You know, we grew up

Our sauce was unbelievable My mom, I never could even see how she made it It just seemed like it appeared You know, she had a brajol The fucking meatballs were just Melt in your mouth I mean But you know

My source is people come fucking delicious they come for it yeah I mean I made it years ago fat light and this is light right very light you liked it too really I wouldn't I want to have the entire jar it's delicious he would drink yeah he brings it every time I was thinking about it I was like oh Nick come over bring so I know when you said you were I was gonna get sandwiches from Domingos but eight o'clock that fucking yeah closed seven in the clock that fucking close it's all right it's all right I didn't know I'm happy that I thought

Maybe we'll just order a pizza from Joe's. We'll get a grubhub, whatever. Because I don't think Joe's are delivered from Sherman Oaks now. I had a big late lunch at the Monaco. It was not bad. I had some oysters today. And I had some fucking savi-chi. Not bad.

The oysters are good for the old pinga. You know what I mean? I'll tell you, man. The fucking oysters. They work, just like clams on the half-shell. You know what works? Squats. What?

You squat. Really? Heavy weight. Oh, man. My dick gets. fucking hard dark chocolate too you know try dog chocolate no it's good dark chocolate you get you dick got some malachi up there I was talking with a friend of mine uh like a girl I went to high school with him I went to Jersey we were all in the same room like a bunch of guys and

a bunch of them were there she tried some more than me she goes some surprise half of you still get it up really because she's single she's like already and I go why you date she goes half the guys I date don't get a fucking hard on it. I'm like that's a shame. Yeah, right. I mean if you're that young, you know, I mean the only thing is you know it's a different kind of hard on. Oh yeah, it's a different hard on. It's a fucking nightmare. It comes and it goes. Yeah, and it disappears

quickly. It disappears quickly. And where the fuck did it go? There's no more fucking hold on 10 minutes and I'll give you another stab in a second. No way, right? Yeah, those 20-year-old. You know, it's funny how sometimes you're driving in a car. And you're out of light and you see a young couple. Right.

Like 18, 17. Man, this is good. And you look at them and you go, they're doing some fucking, like I remember going like being, I never got. Like I never got into it that young. But I got into it like when I was 20, 21, like that one girlfriend that you fucked every day,

twice a day, no matter what. She got two dick. weekends a day even when I lived in Seattle when I did that one girl I gave her a stab and every day I had to keep in check right every fucking day I had the yeah the now I can't give nobody a stab

every day not every day not every day I still get horny yeah I still get dark doors you wake up with a hard on yeah good that's good I wake up with a hard on yeah sometimes I get horny in the middle of night sometimes I get horny when I'm on the computer yeah I get fucking three in the one I'll be in the computer oh yeah sure

it's funny how different things get you excited now as you get older little things you know your taste changes you know you can't plan it you just got to live in the moment you know you can't plan that shit you know I mean you just can't plan as when it comes it comes you know Ray Romano special he talks about that does he yeah that's special huh I like that no it was a very good was it good he's a good stand he's a very good stand 30 years

30 30 30 30 I mean bro when he's soft You know his acting solid. I shouldn't do some good shit. Yeah, he's good actor. I've seen do some good shit that I've even said that show he had on TNT I got hooked on that for a while the men show with the black dude and the white guy I got into that show. Yeah, he was even good in that that vinyl showed it wasn't very good. I thought he was good he was great and And I mean I is he gonna be in the Irishman that should be interesting, huh? De Niro Pesci Keitel I don't know what the fuck, Vichino. I just going to see it. I don't know. I think Sebastian Manuscal goes in. He's getting some acting work. He's using him. Good for him. Good for him.

He's a good stand-up. He's in the green book, which I liked. I thought the green, my friend wrote that book. How didn't you get a piece of that? I'll tell you why. Well, my friend Nick Villalonga wrote it and then I said, yeah, how come they used all these generic guys? They didn't want to use people from what I heard that were very known. And sometimes they wanted to go against that. Not that I'm known. Well, they used that guy. Like what's the older guy in his name? He was the original Don Johnson And then Don Johnson took his job

Good looking Italian guy Not that guy, he was married to the chick From NYPD Blue Oh, oh Joe Cortezi Yeah, he's in it Yeah, well Joe was in But Joe was like the only no Joe's a character, I know Joe

But I mean there was all these other guys That were like, you know, they were okay I didn't think they were that memorable You know, I liked the script I thought that Vigo's a great actor But he's not Italian But you know, the movie It was a good, it was a good enjoyable movie.

I liked the movie. I thought it was a good movie. One of my friends loves it. He says one of the best movies I've seen. I've never watched it yet. I'm not going to say it's one of the greatest movies of all time, but I think it was a very good movie. I thought Star was born was very good.

I mean, the Rhapsody movie, I thought the kid was good. I didn't love the movie, but the kid was very good in it. You thought the Star Born was good? Yeah, yeah. I thought he did a great job. Dice was good in it. My brother turned that roll down. that dice did and uh i guess john didn't want to do that role but um but dice was good but i liked the

movie bradley cooper i mean he's gotten better and better and better you know hey two paizins too bradley cooper and uh and uh lady gaga two italians so i did like them well i saw it on the big screen i saw a roma which it was slow i mean people loved it you know it was artistic that mexican moot guy to meet it uh alfonso corun or something but uh the movie was slow but it was interesting it was beautifully shot it was in black and white it was all about women I don't know if you saw it Roma but I loved the green book I love the black Klansman I thought was easily probably one of the best movies too I thought we were right there I thought we could have gotten we could have gotten it

too but it was probably at least something in the beginning of the movie or during the movie goes you know we don't go to the movies as much no no you do though I go a I respect you because you're a student of the game. Me, I... It's not the same seeing the movie on the small screen. You are? I'm over. Nothing has blown my fucking top off

in a long time. It's been a while. So I got a problem. Either I'm living too much in the past. I've thought about this. No, you're not. But the other night, I fucking came home to the store. Sunday night, my wife was sleeping.

And I went on YouTube and I bought Year of the Dragon. I was just in the mood for Mickey, Rock. Right. I was driving back up Laurel Canyon and I go, I'm in the move from Mickey Rock. It's $2.99. I'm going to watch an hour of it. I laughed. I cried. I fucking

giggled my ass off. He says a couple lines in that movie. The first time I watched The Year of the Dragon, I walked out. Yeah, that happens. I saw that at the Fox Theater in Boulder. I was, like, I had just moved to Boulder in 1985 and had just been out that week. And you walked out?

When he walks in and tells the Chinese people there's a new marshal in town i'm like who the fuck is this fucking punk ass bitch he did the pope of greenwich village now he's threatening chinese people not on my clock i got up and walked out of the fucking movie when he showed him two years later an angel heart yeah and it was a little stronger but the first time i watched the dragon i walked up and then i saw it like on vhs i worked at a video store and it came in and you had a different feel the second time oh yeah now i love that's why i'll tell you you can't judge a movie the first time you could watch it a movie that you loved and then the second time you don't love it as much or that by

versa you didn't love and then you go wow this is fucking way better this is like like the movie the town i watched that movie that ben affleck made 20 times i fucking love that i love that if it's on t that's better than the movie that he made that he got nominated for i will watch the town 80 times jeremy jen and and ben afflick is fucking great in it that's a great fucking movie the chick is good The chick is good. Even the fucking cop that bothered me in real life. Even that guy is a bit of a douche. What's his name?

He plays a good douche guy. He was on that series. I figured. Mad Men. Madman. Yeah. He was great. Close the fucking gate.

I mean, I love that movie. I loved that movie. I watched it. There's a, there's a... John Ham. John Ham. Yeah. He plays a good douchey guy.

You know, he's the kind of guy. You look at him and you go, I don't like this guy, but he's a good actor. He's a good actor. He's a good actor. I got to give it to him. And that's a great... I tell you a movie that I love that. People don't even know about it.

I told Michael Imperioly, Fingers. Have you ever seen Fingers? No. 1977, Kytel, Michael V. Gazzo. Oh my God. You got to see a young Tony Sirico's in it. James Tobach wrote and directed. It's one of the best Jim Brown is in it.

Oh, shit. You're going to love this movie, Fingers. Somebody told me about this. It's fucking great. Luca Bratsy's in it. There's a scene where Kitell collects for his dad. He's a collector. His dad, Michael Vigazzo.

He fucking, he carries a radio and he listens to that movie, summertime, summertime, summertime. But he wants to play piano, concert, penis, but he, moonlights as a collector for his dad. And there's a scene where it's John's Pizzeria on Mulberry Street. And he goes in there and he, what he call, confronts Lenny Montana, who played fucking, you know, Luca Brazzi. Yeah, and he tells him, can I talk to you?

He goes, no, no, you know, he tells him, because I've got to talk to you goes. And he takes him in the back. And he's like, what a confrontation. You know, Kytel goes in there, carrying the radio, 1970s in the John's Pizzeria. You could even Google that scene. The fucking scene is great.

I don't want to tell you how the scene goes down. But it's a good movie. It's like one of the best movies that people don't know about. Fingers, you will love it. I know it's right up your alley. You will fucking love this movie. New York and the 70. And just whatever reason, I found it like at a fucking Costco years ago.

And I discovered it. A lot of these movies you watch. James Tobach, he made the original gambler. He was talented. That's a good movie too with Jimmy Khan. But Jimmy Khan, that's a great movie. It's a good movie. But these movies.

No, it's good too. Thief. That's one of my all-time favorite movies. That's a good movie. That is one of the Michael Man's best. That's the one that sent me over the top. Yeah, I love that. That movie turned me into a criminal.

Like when I saw that movie. That's why you will love it. fingers guarantee when when that movie came out first of all that one one believable one con in 1980 oh did thief one con look it up see if I'm right thief one con in 1980 nobody know about that movie no and and then the first 15 minutes no dialogue the for the fall of 81 that movie that movie came on HBO with in the same lineup with Hollywood Knights and a movie by the name of Raging Bull.

Wow. So every night on HBO was the same boring lineup at the end. 1 a.m. thief. Yeah. 2.33, raging bowl.

And we would stay out. Right. We would go to Pathmark, shoplift, pay for half this shit. Oh, my God. And then go home and make chocolate shakes and fucking watch movies.

And we were lifters. Me and my buddy were power lifters, weight lifters. Yeah. So at night we'd make protein shakes with you-hoo. Raw eggs. We put six eggs in there. Yeah. Wheat germ.

Wow. Fucking ice cream. We were getting yoked and shit. Oh, my God. And we what? Didn't it win Khan, 1980? I'll tell you in a second. Because it's 1981. Is that when it came out? 81? Yeah, people didn't know, they didn't know who even Michael Mann was. No, no. James Conn was saying this guy was going to...

I'm going to tell you stole that movie. Jim Ballushi did very good. He's great. Willie Nelson is phenomenal. He's great. The guy that played... Robert Prosky is phenomenal. The chick is phenomenal. She's good too. When he tells her at the fucking Tuesday well...

He goes, get out, throws her out. Oh, my God. Thief is one of the movies that put me over the top. Half the shit I do today. Well, because the movie is very real. There's something about that movie. It's the best thing Jim Belushi ever did. The best thing he ever did, this is right?

When he walks in there, he tells the guy, he puts a gun to his head, I come in here to discuss a piece of business. with you yeah what are you gonna do you gonna give me fairy tails who are you slick somebody know you get the fuck out of here and he pulls that 45 to his head and he tells him nice and slowly I am the last guy in the world you want to fuck we want to fuck right let us pretend you don't know who's money it is right let us pretend you don't know who's right you know that whole scene makes my heart oh I love it and when I go after

people like that we got this problem and I think the other guy's good too he He goes, well, what do you mean? Take it to probate. Take it to probate. You got delivery of tin, la la, what's your name? Whatever your fucking name? I don't know. Hey, Carl, get the fuck out of here.

And Carl was Dennis Farina. Who I fucking loved. Right. One of his first row. You saw him walk by. He looks at Jimmy Khan. Yeah, he looks at it. I'm with you.

I just bought the criterion collection. When he walks in and he goes, you keep this car running. Right. He tells Jim Belushi. You remember the car? It's one of my favorite cars. The one he drove in the movie. The Baritz.

The old rod of Burrits. The work car was like the Pontiac Lamonts. The work car was like the Pontiac Lamonts. But the black fucking Baritz. Oh, I love that car. He shows up there. There's another famous actor in there. He goes, hey, pal.

And he's trying to pick up the girl. He was, you were late. And that was William Peterson. You remember the guy playing in the band? That's Bill Peterson. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In fact, in fact, Michael Mann used him in his next movie. Which was Manhunter?

Manhunter. Yeah. He used him in. So when you see Pete, he used him in. So when you see. He used some from CSI or C. Yeah, CSI. This is 1980.

He's the guitar player. And then he was... Yeah, he's the door. No, he's the dog guy. Yeah. That comes over and goes, hey, right. He's like, you know, because he shows up late. And he fucking hits him.

Yeah. And then he carries her out of there. Carries the guy. And the black guy goes and he smacks the guy. He hits the fuck guy. He goes, what do you think I do? I'm a fucking thief. I change shoes like most guys.

Change their cars. Like most guys change their fucking shoes. Yeah. I went in the joint and he's looking at it for an answer. She's like, I don't give a phone. I don't care. Does it ever come on to you? Did they ever come on to you?

Right, because I'm a true blue kind of guy. I'm a true blue type of guy. Let's get on with this big romance. He goes, you don't fuck around. Oh, man. It's a non-nonsense type of character. You know, the scene in the restaurant when they're sitting there after the adopt baby and the Chinese guy goes, what's a nice baby?

What's name? No name yet, no name. She goes, you want to name him after Okra? He goes, no, the name is David. David. He goes, hey, hey, guy, hey guy, my son. My son is David. David, good name.

David, good. I love that. David, good name. So simple, you know? And, ma'am, you know, when they did, they fucking, you knew they were going to do a number on him. He was like, you know, fucking. I will have your wife on the streets getting fucking ass.

By niggas in Puerto Ricans. Oh, my God. You will die. What did you say? They'll be eating them. They'll be eating them for lunch. They're hamburgies. You do what I say, right?

you will end up in the joint dead. You don't want to work for me. He goes, Oh my God, he just reads him the riot. Look what happened to your pal. And they tub throw him in a tub of acid. But that was after, they stole that from end of the dragon. That's Jim Kelly.

I mean, his mentality, he didn't give a fuck. No, at the end, when he goes back. He didn't give a fuck, man. When he goes back. Dog, there's a scene in there guys when they show him watching his head. He gets a towel. He throws in the sink. And he looks at himself in the mirror.

Oh, in the mirror. For 30 seconds. then he slams his forehead in the mirror. Yep. And the mirror kind of cracks. And then you see him walk into a closet. Yeah. And, you know, in real life, that's how you have to, you have to be that discipline.

Remember when she's like, what you're doing? Right. Why are you doing this? This is what's going to happen. The first month is $300,000. You will pay him $100. After that, you will be on your own and all this shit. Exactly.

Those type of guys are program like that. That's, and at that age, I was like, That's what I need. Really? That's a discipline I need. Right. I say to something. Let's stick to something.

That's why I started getting discipline. There was something very truthful about just the way they did that movie. I don't know. And I'm not a fucking criminal, but there was something about that movie that just rang so true. Even when you watch it, you're just like, wow. They really nailed it, you know? It's funny. After that, I went to Aspen, and I met a guy with a nutrition.

So I talked to him about alarms. Glad you loved that movie. He talked to me about alarms. Mm-hmm. And he taught me about alarm systems. And then I took an electrical course. You did? And I became an electrician's helper.

And it was all to learn how to break into alarms. Really? My whole motivation. What about that one that the tool that they made? The tool that they made. He goes, I want to make a, yeah, that was some fucking tool. And then you had to draw. And then I was always confused.

I always thought that you had to fucking be a safe cracker. So for years, I would go in there with a sledgehammer, yeah, try to break things and shit. But that's not. In the summer of 83, I made a Westie. You did? And he told him, he goes, nah, we don't brag it. That's in the movies.

Who told you this? A Westie? A Westie guy. I had become friends with him through a friend of mine, and he liked me, and he used to get me jobs and warehouses to case him out. Yeah. He would go, I got your job. Go down there, everybody's in on it.

Yeah. Go down there, case the stuff out, because he knew I was a thief. Right. So he go look for the windows, look for access, look for access to the roads. Tell me what you see that you don't like. Because he would take me to places. Yeah. And go, what do you see that you don't like?

Yeah. I don't like that window's too close to the street. That lady's always in the window. You're not going to get in that fucking building. Yeah. That lady's always that. I could see that shit from mile away. So he knew that.

Right. So he told me, he's the one that said, we don't break safes. So we take the safe home. And then we go to a guy with a welding. And he wells the safes open. Right. So then I started doing that. I just started taking a handjack with me.

Oh, really? Yeah. And I would just walk out with the safe. the safe. With the whole safe. So I stole about 10 safes and I opened up about all 10 of them. You did? Yeah, without all that skill. You give somebody 300 to fucking get a weld this thing. Yeah. This fucking guy, you know, like he, Willie Nelson was his inspiration. Yeah. Like he inspired him. Well, Willie Nelson, he met him in jail. In jail, right? And what happens when you meet somebody in jail or somebody takes care of you, you get, you become a better criminal in jail. Oh, you do?

Oh, yeah. You meet, you meet guys that a, the guy that's you. At 30, 40. Right. So you meet him at 28. You got a five-year bit. He's in your ear every fucking day. Okay. He's in your ear every day.

When we get out, we're going to do this, this, and this. Yeah. So now you learn. If you look at that guy that worked for Pablo Escobar, he learned routes when he went to prison. Yeah. The guy from the Medellin Cartel, the one that was a Nazi and like John Leonard and all that shit, he got better in prison. He was a weed smuggler.

Right. Went to prison for weed. For weed. And he met dudes that were going, what are you doing? We got cocaine. You get out, call this guy and tell him you got a plane and don't do it through here, do it through there.

You know, when I got locked up, I learned a bunch of things. You learn little things that most people do not know. Right. Like one thing I learned in federal lockup before you get sent out was all those guys were saying the same thing. As dirty as this is, I'll say it.

You know, in movies, you see a guy show up with a briefcase. Look at this bumping. He's passed out. He's fucked up. He's fucking wet. This fucking dude, man. I never seen anybody like him. We took the elbows of death tonight.

One for each eye ball. You know what I'm saying? You were still open. I'm getting there. I had a moment there for a second. Look at him. I always changed the monster down. You heard that noise before.

Oh, yeah. You thought it was somebody stepping on the door. Yeah. I was the stand-up going. I was your stand-up. Good? It's good. It's good.

I got to hear you one day. Come out. I'm actually, I'm doing Skangfest. I'm pretty excited about that. Yeah? Yeah. Well, Rapaport's doing.

My man, Mikey's doing stand-up now, huh? Like, he was a stand-up. He was, right? So now he's out there doing his shit. And now he's out there. Listen, he's created his own market. But what I was going to say to you was. You know, in all these movies, you see a guy come up with a suitcase.

and he gives it to you and the guy opens up the suitcase. He goes, it's good. And then you take it and then you take a tube and you cut it and put in a tube and shake it up and see if it's blue.

Right. And you take it home. You know, for years, I never got in trouble for drug possession or sales. I always kept sales to people I knew. Right. And even if I didn't know you

and I always put a cop uniform on you. Uh-huh. Like with my head like that, I was watching Carlito's way when Carlito walks into the hospital and he goes, I don't know, but that guy doesn't look like he should be wearing that blue suit. That's how you know a cop is a suit. You look at him and go, put that suit on him. If it's a cop, it's a cop. You trust your instinct. I remember meeting not one guy, but I talked to multiple guys that didn't know each other.

Right. You know, multiple different guys that showed me their paperwork and what they had been arrested for, you know, possession of 10 kilos of cocaine and shit. And there was one guy that told me. There was a couple guys that told me stories about. He goes, I go, well, why would you sell him that much if he didn't do cocaine? He's like, what are you talking about? This guy was going line for line with me.

Right. These guys go line for line with you. Wow. The one guy was saying, I'm a coke shooter. This guy would go shot for shot with me. But they take you, once they get you on camera and they get the, audio and the 10 cops come in, they handcuff you, they got you. Yeah.

So what they do is they put that cop into rehab. Really? They clean him up and he shows up when his system is clean. You're sitting there going, he can't be a cop. I did heroin with him. I did coke with him. And they're like, you're a criminal. Why are we going to believe you?

Yeah. But I knew tons of guys that said the same stories. Same shit. I got high with them, shot coke. If they ate pills, I ate pills. you know, it's just a different animal. When you're at that level, a federal agent, you've got to throw it down.

When you're a local guy, maybe some kid will say, you'll nickel bag, but for me to sell you two kilos, we've got to hang out for a couple weeks. Let me get to know you. Let's make some runs, you know what I'm saying? So that shit don't happen. But the fucking Lord's prayers were answered this week. Finally, you decided to start releasing a podcast.

Yeah, finally. I'm happy about that. You know, Lee still talks to that guy with the baseball games and stuff. Yeah, I've been talking to him. Oh, you have? Yeah. We liked it and everything. I think it's a great thing.

There was just no money to be made. And that's why we didn't pursue it anymore because it's a sadly away from my kid, you know, blah, blah, blah. And there's not even a little bit of money. You got to sit there with a bucket. Right. You know, and help that somebody gives you five bucks. Yeah. I don't like that.

I don't mind making a free video. It's a free video. But two hours of me saying. Sydney and talking about a UFC fight or a baseball game. It's got to be part of a package. Yeah. Something, you know. It could work if it's part of the whole thing.

Part of the whole thing. You know, like even with this thing, maybe we'll watch a few games with some people together, parts of games and implement it into the show, you know, even though baseball, it can't just be about baseball, but we can take snips and clips from shit, you know. But that, I think the idea of it was good. It just needs to be more, it wasn't flushed out enough, I think. to make it like... Well, I know when we did it,

we tried it for a UFC and there's an app. Right. You got to download the app and there was like a couple of steps. Yeah. And you have to eliminate a couple of those steps. Right. People are used to clicking.

Fast. They want to click. Yeah. They want to click once or twice or three times. No, I was, listen, I went on CC Sabatia and this guy, Ryan Ruko in New York. I did a podcast with them and they, and they were fascinated by the idea.

I said it would be great if we had like an app, a channel where we could have a do a game once in a while. uncensored, uncut, where, you know, you don't just curse the curse, or you say, ah, fuck, mother, you know, you're watching a game really on, un, on, you just want to say shit. Yeah, if you want to say shit. God damn it. Right. God damn it.

I don't fucking care, you know. And C.C. Sabre goes, man, that would be great, you know, and Ruko goes, yeah, that would be great to do a game where you're like in a real, you know, situation with a real fan like me and maybe a few guys and just off the cuff, watch a game, but commentate on it in an organic real way for like a real like give them that option like if they want to watch a baseball in a different kind of way instead of this generic way and they were like that that could be fucking great something like that they liked the idea they were saying this design new app area but they're doing just

boxing i think right now they signed they're out of england i don't know d a zan you heard about them canello signed with them and it's a new network but i mean listen i'm going to start with this try to build it up you know i mean I've been fooling around with this stuff for the last few years, but it's about time that I give it a shot and go at it every week and try to fucking, you know, bring me Nick Tutoro to the fucking place every week and something, find my own fucking thing. You know what I mean?

That's about time. I've been talking shit. And everybody's like, man, well, just do it. Just do it. So it's time. And then I got Nick Nick who's like behind it. And this other guy at Showtime was supporting it. So maybe, well, we'll get a little love guys like you.

Mikey wraps. Everybody's like, you know, give me that little push. and, you know, might as well fucking do it. Why not? Go for it, brother. What do I get to lose? I'm happy you came on. I'm happy you brought the sauce.

Thank you, buddy. Lee's done. Yeah, take it home. Take it home. You know what? Take it home. Heat it up, put it on some pasta. That's for you.

But, you know, don't let it go to waste because that's fucking... No, I'm going to put it on some pasta. Yeah, absolutely. I wish I knew how to cook pasta. I don't know how to cook pasta. I don't know how to cook pasta. I just don't know how to use this fucking stove. Well, what kind of stove do you have to click it?

Nah, she does it. I don't fucking know. You got a good stove? You got a good stove? I got a great stove. I just don't know what the fuck it is. You know me, though. Yeah, well, then your wife do it.

Yeah, I thought I'll say, I'll make some spaghetti if you don't mind. What you think about the fights the other night? I thought the fights were fucking, that were good. Yeah, wouldn't he had a bad night, huh? Yeah, they gave him that outdoor dust. Yeah. And he fucking, uh... The fucking, the other guy, Benny, when he got the guy in the hay, so he can wrestle, huh?

Bad Ascrant. That was great. The fucking Ben Ashkenken could. wrestle, huh? Yeah, it's going to be interesting to see how they're going to make them fight again or not. Yeah. There was some really good fights in a card, but I'm not that much into it that much anymore. You're losing your taste for it?

Yeah. 65 fucking dollars. Go rob somebody. Oh, my God. I want to thank Nick Totoro. Good luck with the podcast. Keep us posted. I want to thank you guys.

I want to thank the Flying Jew, the Christ Killer. But most importantly, you guys that listen to the podcast and the church family for supporting us and following us every week. Like I told you, I'm going to be in Houston. It's all sold out. Buffalo sold out. And Pittsburgh, April 4th through the 6th. That's all I got for you right now.

What I do want to do is the church is brought to you by, listen, you know how hard it is to find a good employee for a company? Thank God I got to leave. But a lot of people, whether your business is small or a big business, it's hard to find qualified candidates. It takes a long time. many applicants, but there's an easier way. ZipRecruiter. Hiring is challenging, but there's one place, like I said, that you could go that makes hiring simple. Multiple job sites, stacks

of resumes, a confusing review process, but today hiring can be easy and you have to go to one place to get it done. ZipRecruiter.com slash church. Listen, ZipRecruiter sends your job to over 100 of the web's leading job boards, but they don't stop there. As applications come in, ZipRecruiter analyzes. one and spotlights the top candidates so you never miss a great match. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 80% of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day. You understand me one day? ZipRecruiter. What I'm going to do right now is this. The family, the church family gets to try ZipRecruiter for

free. Gratis, Ugats, nothing. I don't care if you have a little donut shop. I don't care if you have a big mechanic. I don't care if you have a payment company of 600 employees. Listen, ZipRecruiter is the way to go for you. So what I'm going to do is the church gets exclusive. That's it. Go to ZipRecruiter for free. It's free right now. ZipRecruiter. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash church. C-H-U-R-C-H. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash church. C-H-U-R-C-H. I'm going to get you the best thing you've done in your whole life as far as your business concerned. Go to ziprecruiter.com slash church. The church is also brought to you by Robin Hood.

Listen, while other brokers should charge up to $10 for every trade, Robinhood doesn't charge any commission feeds so you can trade stocks and keep all of your profits. Robin Hood is an investor that that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETS, options, and cryptos, all commission free. Plus, there's no account minimum deposit needed to get the party started, so you could start investing at any level. That simple. In the design of Robin Hood makes the investing easy for newcomers and experts alike. It's that simple.

View, easy to understand charts and market data, and place a trade in just four taps on your smartphone. Listen, in four taps, you can place a trade on your smartphone. You can also look at view stock collections such as the 100 most popular, who's owned by a woman, that type of stuff. With Robin Hood, you can learn how to invest in the market as you build your portfolio. Discover new stocks. Track your favorite companies and get custom notifications for price movements so you never miss the right moment to invest. I got two people. My wife is on Robin Hood and my friend from the fourth sixth grade in McKinley School, North Bergen, says he loves Robin.

So he listened to it and he went on Robin because he's been investing for years. And this guy loves Robin Hood. So Robin Hood is given the listeners of the church of what's happening now a free stock like Apple for the Sprint to help you build your portfolio. Did you listen to what I'm saying to you? With Robin Hood, you can learn how to invest as you build a portfolio. So right now I want you to do me a favor. Because Robin Hood is given all of you a free stock like Apple for the Sprint to help you build your portfolio. Sign up at church.robinhood.com.

Sign up at church.robinhood.com. Kick this fucking mulele. Stay black. Have a great weekend. See you tonight at the show. 8 o'clock, motherfuckers. Stay black.