The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #665 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: March 11, 2019

Joey Diaz tells Lee why he decided to wait to discuss the passing of his longtime friend Brody Stevens, why he has issues dealing with death, and why talking to people on the phone can help save lives.   This podcast is brought to you by:   ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   My Bookie - Join now and MYBookie will match your deposit with up to a 50% bonus of your first deposit up to $1,000. www.mybookie.ag. Use Promo code CHURCH to activate the offer.   Recorded live on 03/10/2019.


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Last week was last week. This week is this week. It's a new set of rules. They can all suck your dick. What's up, you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joey here, Lee Sciadi, aka the Christkiller, aka the flying.

And Jew, aka I'm sick. I mean, I'm my kind. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Anyway, I want to thank the Houston Improv and the people that came to the shows that were great. Five sold-out shows, fantastic. You know, it's so weird when I was down there. Thursday night, the lady came up to me,

took a picture and showed me a picture of me and Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan had hair at the time. It was fucking. We were kids. It had to be 1999. 98 2000 around there and I looked at the picture

you know I was coked up I was still fucking doing drugs and whatnot when I looked at the picture that's the first thing I know but I also noticed that Jesus Christ I had been going to Houston for that fucking long that must be awesome it's you know I've been going to

Houston since 97 when Houston lap stop was the hottest club in the country I'm like Joey, what does that mean? There was a couple clubs in the area in Houston at the time. But they attracted this weird, you had to give it to Mark Babbitt. He knew how to book a club.

And where the location was, the people that were coming, it was called Inside the Loop. And it was on gray, whatever, West Gray, whatever the fuck. And it was just a great neighborhood. And it was a different time. You know, Bill Hicks had started there. Kennison had started there. You know, there was a dry cleaner across the street when they'd be. Manned Kennison, he put himself on a cross,

across the street from the club. That was like a legendary spot, you know. It was just such a legendary place to go to because of what had been there before you. And like I cut my fucking teeth in that room, you know? And the last stop was the lap stop. Then they moved and they switched owners and there was a nightmare.

But the people of Houston was still there. They were still comedy fans. It's like Portland has come along over the years and Charlotte and all these, you go to these clubs and it's exciting. People are excited to see comedy where 15 years ago in that area, comedy was just breaking through.

Now people are hit, people listen to podcasts. People know what time is going on. But Houston this weekend was to a complete different level. And I just wanted to thank you guys. As usual, I went to fucking Papadoes. I went to Papacitos. A nice young lady from Pasadena left me a coupon for Chewis.

I didn't get to use this. time but I use it in May when I go back to Dallas and fucking San Antonio May 3rd and 4th. I'm in Dallas and then the 4th I'm in San Antonio. But we'll get to that shit later. For the last three weeks, I've avoided a topic on this show for a reason. This podcast is not a platform to drag a dog in here on you. I never want to drag a dog in here on you, especially on a fucking Monday. But we got to get the elephant out of the fucking room between us.

February 22nd, I had, I got up that morning and I went to lift and I played with the baby and then I took the baby to school and then I went to lift and I was going to Las Vegas for Kate and we got the Burbank and Kay flew out before me and as I was sitting down on the fucking plane I mean the plane hadn't taken off yet and people were still boarding. If you ever flown in and out of Burbank, they let you walk into the back of the plane. So while most fucking momos are walking through the front, I just walked to the back of the plane and take a seat in the back because when you get to Vegas, you're going to have to wait for luggage anyway. And it's always a fucking long walk. So who gives a fuck where you sit in a Southwest flight?

So I sat down and two minutes into that I sit down the phone rings. And it's my brother Steve Simone. And he goes, did you hear the bad news? And I go, no. And he goes, you know, Brodie was found this morning on himself. Guys, it was like a kick to the stomach on. the plane this couple got i don't know if you've been been on a plane from burbank to Vegas they even wrote a movie about it a tv show last year about Vegas it's a crazy

flight the reason why it's so crazy is people are excited people are excited to go to fucking Vegas and every time i got on one of those planes like the one time they fucking the cops had to come on the plane and take 10 kids off there's always drama on those flights these are all these people that were ready to go and here i am sitting in the edge seat crying like crying like bawling and I'm trying to wipe the tears and make believe like I got something in my eyes and I had to get up and go and get tissues from the thing and I sat back down and when I landed in Vegas you know the phone fucking goes off you had six messages and every message was worse and you know this was supposed to be an exciting night for me I was on fucking the strip on so on you know in Las Vegas and

in the call I'm thinking about this this fucking kid and you know he killed himself and he was just on the show a couple weeks earlier and he spoke about getting off the medication and I didn't know how to feel and then you know I got to the hotel and Kate was crying because Kate was working with me that weekend so I I took Kate and we ate dinner together and I hung out with her as much as I could and I had a job to do I had a fucking job to do I felt like shit but I had a job to do I don't know if you guys know this I suffer from ear infections I have to have to take a shower with ear plugs in because the water gets in my ear and then when I fly I get infections and shit so I got to put the fucking things in my ear so Kate left and the show was going to start at eight and you know when I go to Vegas

it's all about the shower the shower was always huge and the fucking sweet I love taking a shower because you could sit down and think and I took a couple hips off the vapor pen I didn't smoke pot at all that day by the way I smoked uh I think I smoked in the morning but before I took the baby to school like when I get up in the morning I always smoked but I didn't smoke the rest of the day I didn't want to leave my hotel room I felt so bad when I was in Vegas so I hit the vapor pen I put the plugs in my ear and I went in the shower and while I was in the shower and the water was hit me and I was sitting there I thought about Brody's last last 10 minutes.

Like, what the fuck was he doing? You know, like, what was he thinking? What was he feeling? And all of a sudden, my heart started racing. You know, I broke down a little bit emotionally in the shower. You know, I started seeing him as a kid. You know, I still remember having the conversation with him in Seattle about him moving to New York because obviously he was just distinctively different than everybody else.

and New York would really accept them the way they accepted it in Mitch Hedberg you know so I had this little breakdown I got out of the shower I wiped my face and you know I had a job to do guys I had a fucking job to do

so I put it in the back burner like I usually do with everything when it comes to that type of stuff emotions and I you know did the show and we tried to keep it together we ate afterwards her myself Brent, my instructor over at subconscious. We ate some late night dinner.

We hung out until two. So I never really, I did what I did as a child when my mother died. I kept people around so the pain wouldn't be around. And I waited until I got nice and tired and I asked them to leave. And then I went to sleep. And then the next morning I had to get up and get on the plane and rush. And so the whole time I was avoiding the pain. I was avoiding dealing with Brody's debt.

We went to Tucson and my buddy showed up, Catvella. The show was great and the people were great and the fucking food was great and the tacos were great So it wasn't until the next day That Sunday when I got off the plane When I was fronted with it and I spoke to Josh Wolf And Josh Wolf was very close to Brody I mean it was Josh Wolf who introduced me to Brody And I could hear it in his voice that it was a toll on him now I could have gone on Twitter

You know Twitter was fucking filled with Brody stuff you couldn't even open it up I tried opening it up that Saturday on my phone because when I'm on the road I don't take the computer I have the iPad doesn't have Facebook on it or Twitter I only have Twitter on my phone I don't have no apps on my iPad only writing and like HBO go Netflix shit like that I have a writing app that's all I want to do on the road so when I did open up Twitter I saw everybody was on there and I lived my life to find be different I don't know about you guys I don't want to be like everybody fucking else you know I'm saying and I strive to do this every day you know

I was telling Lee that when I went to my mother's funeral I learned the people who cried the loudest didn't talk to me after my mother died the people who didn't say shit were the people who came through after my mother died so I learned who was bullshit and who was not that's not a reason why I didn't I didn't tweet because I didn't want to go there. You know, I just didn't want to go there. I got a couple emails from people and a couple tweets, you know, on my DM and people going, you know, you haven't written nothing about Brody. What does that matter?

What is that? Because I didn't write nothing. Doesn't mean I didn't love the kid. What have we fucking become? What have we fucking become? We don't have to, you know, show our solidarity. We don't care about this kid. I just didn't want to deal with it, guys.

I didn't want to deal in that level. I didn't even want to mention on the podcast. I didn't want it in my Twitter feed. I didn't want it in my Facebook feed. I wanted to feel it in my heart. I didn't want to write anything down that I would regret later. That was number one.

Number one, if you know anything about fucking death, especially the way it happened here. Listen, when Chris Cornell died, it bothered me. When people commit suicide, yes, if you have any empathy at all, it bothered me. this was my backyard. This was a friend of mine who sat across from me in this chair a month earlier

and told us as the church family, us, that he was fine and alive and kicking. And he was off the medication and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But that's not the point here. The point here that there's different phases of grieving. There's the sad phase. Then you get angry and then you fucking get sad. and then you get frustrated, you know, all I kept thinking about was Brody's last 10 minutes. And until I figured out what he went through, what he felt like, those last 10 minutes, which I never know,

and I'll never want to know. I'll never want to know what those last 10 minutes of your life feel like. When you're getting ready to do something like that and your mind takes over everything and lies, you because as you could see and as I know for a fucking fact now there are people still walking around shell shock now tonight I have to do something that I fucking hate doing I have to go to the comedy store and get up in front of people and give some fucking speech about you know a story about Brody listen man this is so much in my backyard and you guys know me that when it comes to

Brody right now I don't have no fucking stories like all I am is in search of why this kid would do this when they fucking loved them down there they loved them at that comedy store they loved them he was part of the store he was who I mean mitzie made him you know mitzi fucking put him on he was one of those guys that like don barris you're a part of the fucking store you will be a part forever but again nobody really knows nothing until you lose something you know tonight I got to go down there and I got to talk them for a and I don't even know what the fuck to say like I don't know what the fuck to say I haven't processed this death yet this is my weakness in life you

want to know my weaknesses death because every time somebody dies I'm close to I drag the other 15 people that died through so right now all I have in my mind is daven rago I have my mother I have Anthony Balzano on my mind I have Domic Spichial on my mind I have All those shitty wakes I went to And couldn't figure out why this person is in a fucking casket That's what I dragged with me I couldn't figure out at that early age in the eighth grade Why this fucking 13 year old kid

That never did nothing to nobody was in a fucking casket Then a year later had to look at my mother And think about why God would take away somebody's mother Then a year later had to look at that same fucking casket I went with my buddy Donald's speciality And that did something to me That did something to me before the age of 18 It's like going to Vietnam and seeing somebody in your platoon dying.

I mean, I didn't see Anthony get hit by a car. I wasn't there when Dominic drowned. You know, I was there to find my mother. But that's what happens. I drag all that shit. So for a few days, like right now I can feel my blood pressure going up just talking about it. Because I drag all that shit. I dragged that and Ray go in there.

I drag this girl in high school that I just thought about today. that she was good friends with a friend of mine and shared a lock with me she died my senior year in a car accident she got trapped in between a fucking tree and a park who the fuck knows but i think about all these people that's why every monday today i fucking go to my you know when i wake up in the morning on mondays i got this morning i'll go to the altar my spirit altar and i change the water and i'll light a candle to give all those spirits light just to let them know I'm thinking about it now brodie you know we lost maryland Martinez we lost maryland martinez his husband we lost freddie soddo since i've been at the comedy store it's a part of life but this one hits a lot more

this one hurts and stings a lot more because it's the first time a friend of mine that close has taken his fucking life and i've i've had other friends who have tried to take that life but no no This one, it hurts. It bothers me. Like I said, I wanted to not put this on the podcast, but since we're doing the memorial today, I mean, that closed in the comedy store. They're going full boat tonight.

You know, for days, I thought about fucking mysteriously getting sick today because I didn't want to go down there and talk, but I have to. I'm at an age now that I have to stop thinking this way. I have to go down there I didn't go to Mitzis I didn't go to Ralphies You know

When my buddy Jimmy Burkle died I didn't go to his There were reasons behind it I could have gotten on a plane And gone to Burkles And gone up there and talked And I just don't like dealing With that type of shit

I still have Berkel's number in my phone I still have Ralphie's number in my phone I still have Brody's number in my phone I don't like dealing with it You know that's where my weakness is When it comes to death I dealt with enough. I'm not in the mood to fucking deal with it. And then I'm sitting there thinking about

this medication problem we have now in this fucking country. You know, it's not only the opiate problem. These people's minds, why the fuck with somebody like Chris Cornell do a show and then go to his fucking room and hang himself? I just don't understand it. I understand CTE. I understand all these things but again joey you haven't been there you don't know what depression is you know what between us as a family i've had bouts with it now from what i've read about after brodie i've had bouts with it but being from the cut that i am i can't let it overtake me because i don't have the time you know i didn't i never really had the time to get gloomed i think i went through about a depression like in 84 and I also went to about a depression in 2006

that ignited my drug consumption, which made me fucking quit, which is why the reason I'm still here today because I've been clean 11 years from all those type of fucking drugs. But that depression after the longest yard, that nothing happened. I felt like all the years of comedy,

oh, fucking 15 years of comedy, and now I hit the movie I'm supposed to hit, and nothing happened and I went into a funk but I got to be honest with you at no moment that I think I take in my life so it wasn't really a depression

like most people fucking go through you know from now to the day they put me in my casket I'm gonna wonder about Brody's last 10 minutes like his last 10 minutes like what his mind told him so now I got to think of it from two fucking

dynamics now. My wife goes to bed at 8.30 a lot of nights. The baby goes to bed at 8.30. Some nights my wife stays up till 9. Sometimes she's tired. She goes to bed at 9. And sometimes I sit there for two hours at night. And I watch a little TV and I make a few notes and I try to write a sentence here and I try to write a tag to a joke there. I listen to music. I smoke a little bit of the pipe, but now I'm starting to get scared if one night my mind's going to play a trick on me. And I obviously have no idea. I think the difference is that for Brody, it seemed like he didn't get the breaks between

the depression. Like to me, if I had to guess, it was that it was just, it finally got to be too much. Like it's not like he went through periods of happiness. I think that's what would get you. You know, but was he lying to us? You know, for starters, let's put our fucking cards on the table here. I'm the type of guy that there's nobody that's that nice. You know, people who are too nice always make me fucking nervous.

So when somebody comes up to me and they're talking about positivity and this and this and this, there's to a point that I fucking shut up, shut down. Like, I really do. It's too much shit talking. Just don't show me the positive. Don't tell me about the positive. Show me the positive, you know. So somebody tweeted me last week.

Over the last couple weeks, people have been tweeting me, and I guess, you know, they've been gone back and listened to all the Brody's appearances on the show, primarily the last one. And a lot of people have said, what the fuck? Didn't you know he was off the medication? Now, again, I don't know the mind of a depressed person.

You know, listen, for me, for me, I got to tell you guys something. Comedy changed, saved my life. Comedy saved my life. Comedy saved my life. Why? Because finally my life had purpose, and I fell in love with something. And today, I sit here, and I'm very happy and very fortunate. that I fell in love with something so much

that all those years, you know, I have friends, I talk to some of you guys, you know, a lot of you guys are young and you're struggling. Well, guess what? You're going to fucking struggle. You're going to struggle. That's the age that you're at.

And you think that you're never going to get out of that fucking hole or you're never going to get out of that position. And I got news for you. You're wrong. If you believe and if you fall in love with something, if you fall in love with something so deep and you believe in it, it will give you the dividend so in my mind he was doing great guys guys he was doing great yeah but joey he's not sebastian he didn't

saw four shows the mess he was doing great okay let me tell you something from 2000 to 2005 98 to 2005 I had a very hard time in this town What hard time did you have joy rejection rejection I didn't go to Montreal I was never part of the fucking rap pack There's not there's not an improv in the country that has my portrait on the fucking wall I learned to live with it it wasn't my calling I didn't know what it was did I quit? No I didn't quit I kept doing it and I kept right and I kept doing it and I'd pop a little TV show there and I'd pop a little TV show there And still, nobody ever invited me to comedy. Nothing, nothing.

You look at all those, nobody fucking talked to me. But Joe Rogan talked to me, Ari Sheffir talked to me, Red Band talked to me, Duncan talked to me, you know, Paul Mooney talked to me, Eddie Griffin talked to me. And in my world, where I had come from, shit, that was worth more than any of that shit. That was worth more than any of that shit.

bringing up Chris Rock in the main room Christmas week and him fucking turned around and talking about me on stage that while you motherfuckers are watching all these big names you better watch this motherfucker and my wife who was my wife now at that time was my girlfriend I remember coming home and going did you hear what Chris Rock said behind you today that everybody's looking at the wrong comics

they should be watching you that meant more to me than a fucking Academy Award if you listen that meant at that time that night i didn't even do coke that night i was so excited i couldn't even fucking sleep that chris rock was talking about me so for a guy like me comedy saved my life because i never really had nothing else i never really had nothing else that i was even i was good at shit but i didn't want to put the work in i didn't want to put the work in comedy the work was easy for me it was very

easy for me it was very uh it came naturally i understood what my fuck i had to do so this whole time i'm thinking that brodie's the same guy i am i'm thinking that wait a second we're out of the fucking weeds here we're at the store we're getting spots and he was captain midnight at the fucking store you know who was captain midnight sam kennison sam kennison had that shit that he went up at midnight brodie was captain midnight i'm not even Captain Midnight. I don't want to be fucking Captain Midnight. Brody was Captain Midnight. That's what, you know, Paul Mooney

was Captain Midnight. That's who went up at midnight. Special fucking savages go up at midnight. They want to go up at Midnight. They request to go up at midnight. So, I thought he had something. There's no way. Listen, in my darkest moments, when I was in a hotel with

$6, I had a show that night. That's all that mattered to me. I had a fucking show that night. And in three or four hours, even though I was broke, nothing was going on. I didn't have a girlfriend. I was living out of boxes. I had a show tonight.

And in my world, that's all that matter on a daily. If I had a show and had a way to snort a couple of fucking lines, are you kidding me? And I could eat a subway sandwich or veggie and cheese? I'm good to go. I'm in love with comedy. So I thought when, Brody came in here this last time. He looked good.

He acted normal. I was around for his first bout when Zach Galefanax had a call around. The police arrested him, and they took him to the fucking mental health place for a couple of days. And he was observation. And he came out. He was like, I'm back. He had a new lease on life. So he pulled the wall over me.

my eyes. That's another complete part of a grief program. It's like the guy that you talk to and tells you at 7 o'clock at night that he's fine. He's been going to AA meetings. And then the next day you realize he fucking shot a hot fucking load and now he's dead. Wait a second. I saw him last night at 7 o'clock and he told me he was just coming back from a fucking AA meeting. That's the same way this took us. That's the same way this took me. Why because you said you told me a well a couple weeks ago that you you were thinking about his last 10 minutes and that really struck me like I That's a dark place to go even just for you like most people get sad because he's not there and well like I wish I could help but like that's a

That's a really dark place to go is the last 10 minutes Why do you think why do you think that if came in your mind? Because I wanted to know what was in his mind those last 10 minutes while he was tying a rope or figuring out where to throw the rope over to hang himself or putting the noose over his neck and pulling on it to see if it was on tight like where his mind went like where his mind went and it was funny because that The night or the night after, Brody, that I got the news from Steve Simone,

I was watching FX and concussion was on. With Will Smith, it's a football movie about a doctor who discovers CTE and Pittsburgh with all the Pittsburgh Steelers and stuff like that. And, you know, Junior Sayre was fine. He was fine that morning or something. He was with his daughter, I don't know. And then he went and shot himself. You know, I want to know where, what he was thinking his last 10 minutes.

You know, the last 10 minutes for Brody Stevens, I don't know if he was at the store the night he hung himself. I don't know if he had come home from the store. I don't know if he had gotten bad news. You know, some people said it was the comments that people had made about his special. I think Brody had thicker skin than that. I think that Brody had. thicker skin than that so the last 10 minutes of his life listen okay a couple weeks

ago I'm sitting at the dinner table with my wife and we're talking about fucking her going back to Nashville for uh Easter week or some shit we were just looking around the calendar to see what it was a best week for her to go and was she you know my wife does everything on her fucking phone so right there the dinner table she goes well she goes to plane tickets are this much money i think there was six seventy six for her and the baby to go back each and she goes if i wait till this time they go down to 440 or something like that it wasn't really a big deal you know i understand the plane industry and i understand the plane tickets and now you know Atlanta's hot Nashville's hot so they charge you like an extra hundred dollars to go to fucking

nashville an american or you know southwest goes there but the amount that they wanted in april was a lot they wanted a lot for a regular fucking ticket to Nashville okay me and my wife disgusted and after 10 minutes we came to the conclusion like normal people that uh we weren't going to go so in 10 minutes we decided that we weren't going to go and that was the decision that we made let me break it down more for you guys especially men that listen to this podcast you ever go home with three beers in you and you start calling chicks to come over and you start calling them

and calling them and calling them and one chick is 45 minutes away and the other girl has to get ready and the other girl won't come over unless you have cocaine so I gotta call you a drug dealer but he's at a bar and all of a sudden you just take your dick out and jerk off and you go to bed

and nothing fucking happened you know that's the same thing I thought about like let's say he got home he took the noose he fucking made it but he looked at it after a minute you go

what was I what am I thinking and you throw the fucking noose under the bed and hold him nobody's never sees it that's why I say his last 10 minutes you know how many times that I fucking I used to be coked up at three in the morning

and I'd be fucking coked up I'd look in the mirror my jaw would be going my eyes would be glassy and I would start walking down To get in the car to go over to pick up coke from somebody and I had common sense that I knew I couldn't get a DUI And I know for a fact I'm a fucking bullshit on it, but if I'm coked up and a cop pulls me over I will fall apart in the seams you guys know Even though I was a junkie fuck

I would sit I would go back upstairs and figure out a way that I didn't have to get in the car So I could still get coke even if I had to pay the guy an extra 10 bucks before Uber or anything you know I would do it that's what I'm trying to say to you his last 10 minutes even if he thought about it for nine minutes and the last minute he goes ah fuck this what am I fucking thinking that's why I said the last 10 minutes because this just didn't bought listen Chris Cornell did a fucking show got off the got off the stage called his wife she felt his voice was a little his uh tone was a little he was slurring His words she called the security guard to check on him and he had hung himself

So what was Chris Cornell's last 10 minutes like he just got off the phone with his wife? What do you tell your wife when you have kids? Hey honey, I love you. Just finished the show. It was great. I'm gonna go upstairs and maybe get a late night bite to eat and I'll call you in the morning when I wake up don't forget to tell my daughter don't forget to tell whatever my my daughter's name is Mercy to have a good day at school. Don't forget to tell my son that I love him. Okay. You say those things. So now, in between that phone call and going up to his hotel room,

where does his brain snap and tell him to get a belt and hang himself? Where? That's the question that I have. What happened on the way up? Now, one thing that people have been saying at the comedy store is, is that he went off his medications, and then he went back on him. And that could be something. You know, it's like what's going on now in America that people do heroin,

and then you get off the heroin, and then you go back on the heroin, but you do the same in mind you were doing, and your tolerance went down, so it's a hot needle. Now you die. Is the medication work the same way? Oh, you're not supposed to go cold turkey? like it's a very serious thing so once you're on that medication you're on that medication forever and they have to keep twerking

and they can get you off of it but it's supposed to be like a multi-week process so isn't it better if we just don't go on the medication is this medication this neck because all I hear about the like they a dear friend of mine called me about six months ago and said they prescribed zoloft but when you see the commercial for Zoloff, they think it's an antidepressant, it tells you you're going to have suicidal feelings

and suicidal thoughts. You know, the pill did not take cigarettes, like if you want to get all cigarettes, Chankwell, whatever the fuck it is that Ray Leota does, they tell you you're going to get suicidal tendencies. I don't know if you ever smoke cigarettes and you quit. You think about suicide on its own. You don't need a fucking pill to get you that.

When you quit smoking and you do those first three fucking days you think about fucking putting a bullet in your fucking head it's the worst feeling in the goddamn world but you know what my point is is why would they prescribe this medication if has suicidal tendencies if it even brings you to that these are the questions that I have and I'm not a doctor and yeah I've looked into a couple things even before Brody died even before Brody's death you know I would stay up late look at the internet some nights about depression you know that they did a show about the dark side of comedy on CNN and it had me fucking going when robin williams died i wasn't personal friends

with robin williams i had met him once at the improv and i saw him one night at the comedy store i didn't know him personally so yes it affected me because i have the mind of a comic and you're telling me that this is susceptible amongst comics when i watch that dark dark side of comedy you know when the dark side is depression that's what they all kept talking about was depression you know so now in my older age this is what I worry about like this really scares me that what happens to me now between 9 and 11 at night when I'm on 9 30 to 11 when I'm home by myself and my mind goes into these places that and my mind never goes into weird places I never

let my mind I told you guys honestly The truth. I thought about suicide two times. Once, it was after my mother died. And I think the other time, no, I think it was after my mother died. And once, when I was going through that cocaine thing and I was homeless in 83, 84, I was really putting myself in a rut. I didn't know where I was going to go and I didn't know. And I went to bed thinking about jumping off a bridge. But obviously, I didn't have to be. the bolster so I never fucking did the closest I came to feeling suicidal was that Christmas holiday of 79 that was the closest because the pain was over-burry but obviously it wasn't that overbearing at that age compared to what Brody was going through you know I really wanted to do this podcast for the last couple weeks but I I wanted to be prepared. I wanted to be prepared emotionally.

I didn't want to bring a comedian in here and break down a life of Brody and showing us crying. That's not what I wanted to show you people today. I just wanted to talk to you about those last 10 minutes. And if you ever go there, I want you to know that seriously, seriously, you have fucking options. okay you don't want to call suicide hotline I remember my buddy one time who was snoring coke it was snoring coke and he called cocaine hotline as we were snorting the coke we were going on a two-day binge and we're sitting around a table and he's staring at the phone every couple of minutes and he kept saying under his breath Lord please help me Lord please help me he kept mum but I can't

go on Roger what are you saying he kept saying Lord please help me he kept him me Lord please help me and even do another line there was this guy that every time we come in the room he go dun dun dun and he'd open up a package and it was like maybe two or three grams of coke and he put it on the table I forget what the guy's name was this guy did it 10 times that night and we were six of us sitting around the table we were to the point we weren't even talking to each other we were just staring at each other everybody was sweating everybody smelled bad there was chicks in the living room we couldn't even talk to them we were so fucked up and Roger kept looking

at the phone and finally he just gets up out of his chair, grabs his phone and dials fucking cocaine he had a cocaine hotline? They had a cocaine hotline in 83 right and he called it he's like cocaine hotline I can't stop snowing and the lady said

call me back when he stopped snorting and he went off on it what the fuck do I need your phone when I stop snorting by that time I'll be sleep but I don't need you so I'm not talking about suicide side hotline. There are people you could call, but listen, the people around you are the people that you have to call. Just one person. It's got to be the most embarrassing fucking call in the world. For somebody, I can't even imagine being there. But if it saves a life,

that's all that matters to me, guys. What the fuck are your friends there for? See, again, this is the fourth level of grieving. There's so many levels to grieving. My mother's going to be dead 40 fucking years this November. And at the end of the day, when the baby's sleeping and my wife isn't bad, I just got back from the comedy store and I stopped in yum yum donuts to get a brand muffin. At the end of the day, I always think about my mom. I think about, you know, what the fuck happened?

Like, I wish she could be around to see my fucking daughter. So the grieving process never ends because it comes in different levels. Like I said, first it's anger, then it's pain, then it's questions, then it's frustration. Then you get pissed at the person. Like right now I'm in the phase that I still feel sad over bro. already did but I guarantee you in about eight months I'm gonna be a little fucking pissed off somebody's gonna come in here and we're gonna be doing a podcast somebody gonna bring up his name and I'm gonna say something fucked up because that's what happens you go through different levels

you know at first I was in shock all my mother dying and then I'm like how the fuck couldn't she take care of herself when she knew she had a fucking kid and then you just realize that whenever you have an expiration day, my friend. How you go is, I don't know how you go, but we all have an expiration day. So you go through that fucking part of it. I feel bad for Brody's family. I feel bad for Brody's immediate family,

which is us at the comedy store. My suggestion, and I'm going to talk to Steve Simone about this, is that we do a big benefit show and we call it the Brody Stevens you know, whatever fund. I don't want to give it a fucking name or something. And I'd like to get a psychiatrist

that's well known in the Hollywood area. And if a comic needs to talk to somebody, we could dip into that fund. They could build a comedy store and the fund could pay for a therapy session or two or three or four whatever's neat at the time you know that's the only way we're going to stop this shit from happening

listen you guys know my reputation that I check in with people I also try to check them with people that I see have a reason to go off the reservation something that you guys might not heard of but I did that something's going on in their personal life that along with comedy life,

spots, your agents, your fucking manager, your fucking cousin that needs this, there's so many variables that there's one thing that could push you over the top.

That's why when I hear people getting into certain jams, I check in with them a couple days and I check in with them again because I don't want them to stray off the reservation. It's not, you know, I always make this an expression, there's not how many people

where you shoot the two you shoot that work you know if you live by the sword you die by the sword you could just get so many nose until you got a know that pushes you over the top you know when somebody's show doesn't get picked up when somebody's show gets canceled there's little things that happen in this town that we here amongst each other that could push a regular fucking person over the top i mean this is a hard life here guys This is not for everybody. They're not giving out fucking donations on the sunset strip. You know, Hollywood is a fucking machine.

You ask yourself, what happened a few weeks ago with this Jesse Smollett guy? He seems like a nice guy. I mean, on paper, you look at him. He's a fucking sweetheart of a guy. What would make a guy do this? I'm sure that if Jesse Smollett sat in your kitchen and talked to you and you smoked a joint with him or whatever, He'd be a nice guy. What would make Jesse Smollett do something like this?

You know, what makes women want to suck your dick for a fucking movie? Or a guy, the Hollywood machine plays with your mind, whether it's music, whether it's, you know, fucking comedy, whether it's film, you know. We're reading more and more now of every week, every other week. somebody else took their life last week a musician from the 90s or something so this is something that could be medication based i don't fucking know i don't have the fucking answers i don't have the answers to this all i know is that you know tonight i have to go say goodbye to this fucking kid and i feel terrible because you guys you guys saw me sit across from him and listen you know let's get something fucking straight you know i love doing this podcast but there's certain people

are coming here and they're my family and you could feel it in the podcast it's not an interview it's a conversation you guys even know when it's a conversation amongst good friends you guys have said it to me when i've had ralphi in here or rogan my relationship of rogan there's just certain people that people mesh with you know you guys knew i love of Brody Stevens. You knew it. I had him on the show. Every time I saw him, I gave him a big hug. I knew him from 1995, and I didn't know about his struggles till a couple of years ago. And after that, I think after the, we brought him up to the show up there, after the struggles, and I was breaking his balls. I'm checking you for weapons. And we were laughing, and the whole

thing, I mean, Brody had a great sense of humor, you know. So I just, I'm really, I'm really sorry if you guys think that I was, you know, I put a bunch of girls on here and a bunch of guys. I did not want to come on this podcast and drag the Brody Stevens saga on you. You had seen it enough on the internet. A lot of years have felt it. I felt your support. You know what I feel like. And a lot of you guys, if you know anything about me, I fucking sweep that shit under the rug.

I sweep that shit under the rug because I got a job to do. you know, Sam Tripley's not over it, red band's not over it. There are so many people right now that I've been calling a lot of people, Theo. There's a lot of different people that have been rock and rolling with it, but at the same time, there's a lot of people that have been struggling with it. A lot of the waitresses at the store, a lot of the staff. You know, I know the talent coordinators having a hard time with it, and tonight it all comes to it.

I didn't want you guys to ever think that I avoided, bro. No, no, no, no, no. It was just too soon. It was just too soon. And it was all over the internet, and I didn't want to dig into it, and I wanted to wait. I wanted to wait and see how I really felt.

I didn't want to come on here with... Me and Josh were thinking of doing a podcast that Sunday night. I'm happy we didn't. Because we would have came on here, we both would have been a fucking crying mess, you know. I'm going to go there tonight.

I'm going to speak my mind, and, uh, I hope Brody rest in peace. I hope that, you know, I mean, as a Catholic, I'm raised to believe a ton of stupid fucking shit, but I don't, I hope his soul is resting. I hope his soul looks down on us and sees how many people are hurting that he did this, you know?

I mean, you always try to add some humor to this. I can just imagine Brody right now arguing with God. Like, I want to go back. Yeah. I want to go to the opening day. You know, I made a fucking misconduct. steak. I mean, that's what I saw, because I had known Brody for a few years, but to me, what I saw was that, because what I would imagine is that he didn't think that, A, people wouldn't care,

or he thought maybe he was doing people a favor, and everyone from, like, the Chicago Cubs to actors and comedians had nothing but positive, loving things to say about him. And I, I, what I think is what I'm hoping is he just didn't realize it and I'm hoping that people, like what you were saying earlier, call a friend, is I think that's what happens is people think, oh, it'll be better for everyone if I'm gone or no one will care.

Hopefully, if anything good can come from what happened to Brody, is that people, there's someone who cares, even if you feel like you have nobody, there's one person who will be upset that you're gone. I just, wish he would have reached out.

You know, I wish he would have reached out to somebody. Like he had so many people he could have called. He had just done a few podcasts that week. And nobody saw nothing. This is why this is so hard. This is why this grieving process is going to be so hard because nobody fucking saw it coming. Listen, Ari once told me that every time he saw Ralphie,

He would always hug him really hard because he always thought that that'd be the last time he saw Ralphie. As fucked up as that sounds, I think the last three times we saw Ralphie. When he left here, we were like, he doesn't look good, he's getting bigger, you know, whatever. I didn't see no warning signs of Brody at all, guys. And I didn't hear of any. That's what's got us all fucked up. that nobody yeah you went off the medication i don't fucking know anything about this now i've investigated it but i guys i'm sorry i just did not even see this not even a hint of it let me

tell you something i can't mention their names but i can see three comics that you guys know killed themselves before brodie in my world i worry about two other comics in life than I worried more about Brody that's why it shocked me more like if somebody would call me and say that that killed himself I've seen it coming over the last couple of years

he's been struggling with it he's been struggling with alcoholism or whatever with Brody he gave us no hints guys again he sat here in this chair across from me less than two months ago you guys saw him now one of you guys hit me back on Twitter and said Joey, Brody didn't look good on your fucking podcast.

And it got close to, I don't know how many hits on YouTube. So none of us fucking saw it. So, you know, blame. Blame. Blame. I would love to be one of those people that could say that, you know, I couldn't have changed his mind. Nobody could have changed his fucking mind.

That's why those last 10 minutes, the ones that fucking destroy me whether it was Brody whether it was Chris Cornell whether it was the other singer that killed himself those last 10 minutes when your mind just goes left

and keeps pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing you know like I'm saying to you guys let me call three girls you're horny you're drunk you're pushing you're pushing you're pushing at one point you go it's not going to happen let me just take my dick out whack it off

and then you go to bed and you wake up and all three of them showed up and they were all you know what I'm saying it's one of those things those last 10 minutes are what destroyed me about Brody you know every time you lose somebody you lose a little piece of yourself I'm telling you this at the age of 56

that every one of my friend's death has taken I'm not going to say I can't live without that's bullshit but a little piece it makes you learn it makes you stop and smell the roses a little bit you know when ralphie died i immediately fucking looked at my life and i looked at my time and the one thing i would notice about ralphi

was his waste of time like the time he had all this time and you know i started doing more with my time if i learned anything from brodie is that i'm really really, really going to look at myself because I'm very scared. I'm very fucking scared. I'm very scared that that could happen to any of us in the comedy community where your mind just takes a left turn and keeps going. It keeps going. Like I said, when I was younger and my mom died,

I was trying to kill myself with the drugs, but not really. Like if I happened to die, I would have died and nobody would have gave a fuck. There was an OD and I literally thought about, you know, like fucking killing myself that night when I was 16. But my mind didn't keep going. Somewhere along the line, something fucking stopped me. It even wasn't thinking that people loved me. I think it was a warmth that was greater than that. It wasn't, honest to God, it had nothing to do with my friends at that time or anything.

I didn't give a fuck. I just thought that there was something greater that's. stopped me and it made me live another fucking day and I never thought about it again I've never been suicidal since that time again and I wasn't even really suicidal then it was just a thought that went to your mind when that thought goes through your mind that's you know and it's gone through all of our minds at one time or another I know it has we're all human beings where you all think what if what if you know no you know God has an expiration day for you. All you could do is

live it out. Whether you go out from a fucking disease, old age, or dementia, we get a three year, 36,000 mile warranty, my friend. I think when you're about 36, things start falling apart, loosening, you start to see them. All I

want to do is you know, you guys to when you get a minute today at some point, stop, think about your lives and maybe say a prayer for fucking Brody Stevens. And they're going to do a live stream tonight from the comedy store if you guys want to watch it I think you go on Twitter

and just look around all day today there'll be different things but they're going to do a live stream if you guys want to watch it they're going to live stream the main room event and they're going to live stream the belly room event and a bunch of us are going to go down there I think it starts at 7.30 and they're going to do some

the families when they show up they're going to play Brody's special I'm going to go down there about nine See some people give us some hugs And I'm going to tell them what I'm going to tell you Okay And here it is in a nutshell I want you to get three of your fucking friends I know a lot of you is whether one of them is your cousin

A girl at work that you're friendly with And you know what man start checking in with them You know Start checking them with them Just practice Practice calling people and not asking people or not asking them for something. We only call people when we want something

or we want them to do something for us or something. Try calling somebody and just saying hello and ask them about their day. Try to do that from now on. Do me that favor. Along with your goals, okay, you're going to do your goals. But on top of that, I want you to physically pick up the fucking phone,

dial the number, and listen to that person's voice. There's a reason why I call. people there's a reason why I hate text messaging there's a reason if you give a fuck about me and I give a fuck about you and you're having a rough day I can tell by listening to your voice that is the reason why I call people so I'm gonna tell them tomorrow night the same thing I'm telling you pick three people in your fucking life and check in with them

And if you hear one of your friends is going through a rough patch, check in with them. You don't need to take them for a beer. You don't need to show up on an expensive gift. You don't even know that stuff. You have no idea what the miracle of a phone call could do. The miracle of a fucking phone call. How are you doing? I know you're going through a fucking rough patch.

And trust me, there's a thousand people I could call every day. And I try to call three or one or two. I try to do one a day Check in with people If you see people are going astray a little bit Check in with them Again, you don't have to stick your fucking nose At their ass

But checking in with them You know what I do with the people I check it with them late at night To really fuck with you I check in with you Because why If I learned something for my mother If I learned something for me

The pain starts creeping in When you're alone at night All day long when you're doing your shit, bap-a-pap-da-pap and you're bullshit and you're telling your stories about the time you went to fucking Egypt and you smoked hash with this fucking dude from Poland or whatever the fuck. All that shit's great. That's what keeps your mind occupied.

It's when you go home at night. I call Kate at night. I call Theo Vaughn sometimes 11.30 at night. I'll call Ari at fucking 2 in the morning. I'll get up at 1 just to call Ari at 4. And go, now I don't know because he's getting a girlfriend. and he's moving in with her in April, so I really can't call him later in night.

I will call in with people at that time because my uncle, I'll call my uncle fucking 11.30 at night. Because you're alone. You're alone with your thoughts. This is when you could either win or lose when you're alone with your thoughts. All day long, we're stimulated by the internet, the fucking cell phone, this, that.

It's when we're alone that we're our most dangerous. I know I'm the most dangerous And I'm fucking alone When I'm alone Jesus Christ That's where my mind wanders That's where you might take that fucking thing That you've been saving in the closet

You might take a hit of that thing You've been saving in the closet Whatever Just do me a favor Take two people, three people in your life And start checking in with them I really want to get this podcast out of the way Because I know you guys

been waiting on my take and I want to let you know how I feel. Like I said, I wanted to think about it first before I just raised my hand on here. I didn't want to do a fucking group group group podcast. I wanted to talk to you about how I felt from the heart and listen, man.

Yeah, a little bit of mirror is hurting. But guess what? I got a job to do. I got a mouse to feed. And we all need each other. you know and I think that the more we look after our friends the less these type of situations will happen in our backyard I want to dedicate this podcast to Brody I want to thank you guys for listening again I didn't want to drag a dog in here on you

we'll be back Wednesday fucking smoking pot doing drugs and giggling and all that shit but today Monday I want to open up this pot this week with this because tonight's the memorial and It was just important for me to do this podcast. I want to thank the people who came out to all the shows in Houston this last weekend. But I also want to thank my sponsors, number one, ZipRecruiter. Let me tell you some, hiring is challenging, but there's one place you can go where hiring is simple, fast, and smart. A place where growing businesses connect to qualified candidates.

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If you're a family of the church, you can try out ZipRecruiter for free. Free, free, free. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash church, C-H-U-R-C-H. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash church. Biches, fucking March Madness is here. Talksuckers, lift the rock. Brackett's first round upsets, it's the final four. Now, this is the best time to bet with my bookie.

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Most importantly, I want to thank you guys for supporting the podcast and whatnot. Do me a big favor. Three shows are sold out to Pittsburgh Improv already. If you're going to get your tickets, get your tickets, I'm there between March 4th and the 6th. I think Saturday's all sold out and Friday late sold out.

I might add a Thursday show. I'm not sure yet because I can't get a fucking direct flight. Number two, 419. Fitzgerald's theater celebrating pre-420 and then 420 I'm at the Papp's motherfucking theater in Milwaukee. How's that for you, Cocksuckers? That's all I got coming up.

That's it. It's a slow month. I'm doing some other things. But most importantly, we're doing it fucking right. I love you guys. Thank you for this podcast today. I want to dedicate it to Brody Stevens. I wish you rest in peace.

And as you guys know, we're all going to miss him here on the church podcast. I'll see you guys Wednesday. Tip-top, Magoo, ready to motherfucking go. Kick this, me, O'Lee. I want to be around to pick up the pieces. When somebody breaks your heart, some, somebody twice as smart

as I. A somebody who will sweat. to be true as you used to do with me. To learn that misery loves company, wait and see, see how he does it when he breaks your heart two bits. Let's see if a puzzle fits. fine. That's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet as I sit there applauding when somebody breaks your heart like you.