The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #669 - Felipe Esparza

Episode Date: March 26, 2019

Felipe Esparza, comedian and host of the "What's Up Fool?" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.    This podcast is brought to you by:   Robinhood App - an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETF's, options and cryptos - all commission free. Go to church.robinhood.com to get a free stock like Apple, Ford or Sprint. Squarespace - start your free trial today. When you're ready to build your website go to www.squarespace.com/church for 10% off your first purchase of a domain or website.    My Bookie - Join now and MYBookie will match your deposit with up to a 50% bonus of your first deposit up to $1,000. www.mybookie.ag. Use Promo code CHURCH to activate the offer.     Recorded live on 03/25/2019.


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family and give you a free stock like Apple for the Sprint to help you build your portfolio, you, okay? It starts by you going to church.robinhood.com. Again, church. dot robin hood.com. Uncle Joey's always looking after you, right? Lee, take this motherfucking meal. Monday.

The 25th of March, bitches. Wash that fucking monkey. Salute that flag. Felipe Spars is in town. The Christ killer with a whole new look. And your uncle, Joey, motherfuckers.

Here we go. Always. Wiggly. Give me a little wiggly. This ain't no fucking around today, motherfuckers. Your collection today or tomorrow or Wednesday. You're not fucking around no more. Get up off that couch.

It's the motherfucking wild side. Felipe Spars in the motherfucking house, one of the best in the business. What's up, poo? You know me, Doug. Looking at you, looking how fucking old you're getting. I knew you when you were a baby with a short trim. heck God. Look at you now and shit. Look at you now. Look at you right now. You were fucking planktar fasciitis. You were still what? Your heels? No, my plantar fattyitis. Yeah, the heels.

Yeah. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with? You don't think I know about fucking fucking fucking Parker Starks. All day. You know, I snuck and threw a couple fucking medical classes when I was in town. Shall I have a stick? Doggy Star with a fucking stepping on a tennis ball. So both your feet are? No, just one. Which one? One or left? Okay, so they give you a quarter zone shot? Yeah. They give you shit. But everyone's a doctor? You got to go to I'm doing this up by Google. You can't what happens. The heel tightens up.

And then when it starts to get really bad, Felipe, when you get up to pee at night, that's when you feel it. As you get up the first time, it's a pain that's unbearable. Bearable, bro. Unbearable. And what is is the sack that develops. It's a bursar. So what you have to do is either you have to, and that's easy.

You go to your doctor. He gives you a referral to a foot doctor. You go. they feel the burster, they do some x-rays, and they give you two options. They give you the options of a cortisone shot, and then you put the fucking orthotics in. Let me tell you what I'd do.

Put the orthotics in, stick to them religiously. If you switch shoes, put them on, avoid fucking dancing disco shoes, avoid fucking maryngas, avoid cintaneras. You cannot wear those shoes. You got to wear like, you know, you're getting to an age where somebody goofed on it, Some of young comicals, I love to see these men with new balances.

Let me tell you some, bitch, on Thursday mornings and Sundays when I'm walking through those airports, I got new balances with the orthotics in it because you walk two miles at the fucking airport. I walked eight points on fucking Thursday, and I think I walked seven on Weight Watches. I swear to God, that's how much you walk at these fucking airports. So for all that, and then I had to stand on my feet on the weekends. Yeah. So I had it when I was young. Because I used to run with Converse sneakers.

And I got out. And the first time they shot me, and then they put orthotics. And then over the years, I threw the orthotics away. I gained 150. But you're talking about plantar fasciitis. Yes, yes. So you must have had it really, really bad. I had it in both feet, but in the left one.

In the left one that you could walk. It starts at the heat, not the heel, but the middle of your foot, right? The way you're walking. You have flat feet? No, but I got gorilla feet. do I didn't I won a new balance my entire life I have flat I can't do shit you're nationalists and it's really weird I was thinking I going to the good feet store yeah they advertise a lot but the problem with that is it's like people who buy nose clips sleep

apnea you still got to go get diagnosed you can buy the all the fucking pieces online for your 3695 and you're gonna put them on for two or three weeks and you're gonna take it off and your sleep apnea is gonna get worse and that puts a big strain on your heart so You got to sleep apnea. Just go to the fucking doctor. The mouthpiece that you buy online for $9.99, that's going to work. That's a Band-Aid on a fucking, and you're going to have to pay for it later on. With that plant this shit, if you can't walk for Lepe, you can't work.

Yeah. We do stand-up comedy. So I'm telling you this because mine just started acting up about four weeks ago. And ever since Sanbril, at the gym when they're running, I thought there's no run. I'll get on the air machine bicycle. And if they're doing something, I just do hip escapes in Jiu-Jitsu. I can't run without those orthotics on.

Forget it. No more jumping rope. No nothing like that. Like, I don't go for none of that shit because it just makes it worse. And that hour on stage, I think it started for me at 45 or 46. Those two hours on stage,

affect you. You don't feel it until later on. Especially wearing bad shoes? If you're wearing bad shoes, because when you're doing comedy, you're throwing your energy at them. But it starts by grabbing the energy from the floor. It's a really weird thing to say to people

that are listening. You're thinking, what the fuck is Joey talking about? Zid and Pills are you going to know. You'll see as you get it more and more into comedy in your headlining theaters and venues and that you actually find yourself ripping the fucking floor. You know?

So at the end of the night, when you sit down and go to get back up to take pictures, you're like, wow. Wow. My legs are fucking sore. Yeah, because you just will pull an energy from your legs the whole fucking time, you know. So it's pretty interesting.

So I got a little, like a tennis ball-sized plastic ball with a bunch of spikes, and I just rub my feet on there, like, forever. Yeah, that's good. You get your rest of them. Or just the ball. Now where Birkenstocks pretty much all day. It hurts.

It helps. That's not good. Because it hits my palm of my foot. Yeah, but the foot adjust. You can't have the foot to adjust. You have to have that thing in the fucking... So you have wide feet then? I got everything.

I got five feet. I got a fucking... I got a hooker. I got a fungi tonal. I even took a picture. Fungi tone. You never take care of that? What?

The fun guy told nail. Oh, I dipped it in everything. Ammonia. Bro, you gotta go. Fucking Drac. You got to go to a doctor. You got to the one talking about going to doctors. Go to a doctor.

My shit was fucked up, bro. Like, my shit was like, like, damn. You didn't even see a broken lollipop? Yeah. That's how my nail looked like. Jesus. A lemon.

I'm going to show you, Lee. What the picture. I don't know if I want to see that. I got my two, bro. I got pictures of my old nail. I took pictures. I will take my socks off. Of the shavings.

I would, I remember being the girls' houses. with my socks on. Look at that. The pool with my socks on. That's disgusting. That's it. Br, it looks like an eight ball of coke. Look how much I shaved off my feet.

That's your foot? That's my foot. I put it there and I take the fucking... That's your nail of black? I take the... No, that's the fucking table, you fuck. Oh, that fuck. He scrapes it off.

I get like a fucking footstool, and I cut the nail, and I cut all around. So you have an ingloatown down, too? No, no, no. I used to years ago. When I first moved to Colorado in 83, I wanted to buy the place that I sued. You sued somebody?

I sued this place. Larry H. Parker, Cornel. It was the front of their business. I slipped in front of their business that I sued him. And then a month later, I wanted to go buy sneakers because they had Adidas, cheaper than anybody else for like $2 cheaper across the street. But I went in there. $2?

Yeah, like instead of $34, it was $32 in those days. Is that the same thing you did, like back in your hometown when you were jumping in front of cars in front of the Cuban restaurant? You know what? It wasn't me. Your cousin told me what he said? Yeah, you know, my cousin Joy will hang out right there. And it was a favorite Cuban restaurant, like big bottlers, you know. And a lot of big bottle, Cuban bottler were passed by other cars.

And he said, Joe and his friend would jump in front of the cars. I had a friend of mine, Armando. I forget what his last name was. Manito. Got rest of the soul. I just heard about four years ago that he became a professional and get hit by cars. Jesus. shake you down for like 10,000 cash

and one day he got hit and killed. There's no business, there's no life, there's no career fucking ending in that. You're gonna hit by you're gonna time a car wrong, maybe you got a couple pills in you, and you hit the fucking bumper, and there you go, your head get squished.

He got hit by a hearse. No, no, I did the slip and fall one time, and that was it. It was just, it was so it was so fucked up like you know

it's so fucked up how corruption works like you're looking at this thing that happened with USC and these kids and William H. Macy and all this shit

and you look at how many people were involved fucking coaches are getting racketeering you know what that means Felipe that as soon as you make bail and let's say I put the bail up for you and we turn around and you go

let's go talk let me buy you lunch as soon as you give me your credit card to use it it don't work no more then when you go to your bank to try to get cash your accounts are seized that's the feds that's racketeering your life has changed damn you're doing time you're doing something

those people who got a million dollar bail they're doing something but I don't know how I got on this with you uh... corruption Corruption. That's how corruption works. You got to think about, and I'm not saying nothing bad about them because they weren't. You have the number one show on television. Mother of family?

In 1987, you got the Cosby show. Yeah. You know, I don't know how many affidavits I read where he tricked them in the trailer at NBC. You mean to tell me not one security guard seeing bitches walk out of there with their hair all fucked up, with their eyes crossed. You know, there has to be so many people for shit like that to go down. Did that happen? Yeah, it happened. Yeah, he had them.

During the show? Yeah, he would take women to the trail and then all of a sudden they'd get a headache. He'd put like some fucking voodoo spray in the air and then get like a headache. There's got to be some chemical that gives you a headache. And then he'd give him pills, make him drink and lay down. Who goes that? Who does that? If your wife comes to my house and she goes to the kind of headache,

I give her two aspirins and put her on her way. Who's going to tell you to lay down? Unless how severe could the fucking headache be? I know, right? How severe can the headache be that you have to lay down? How big a trailer? Yeah, so on top of that, there had to be a security guard outside the trailer. The security card outside the building, there's just so many people, and that's what, you know, it's got to be some type of conspiracy.

All that, we just, all of us watch Never, Neverland. Did you watch it? Escaping Neverland? Okay. They're escaping Never Neverland. When you watch it, yeah, it's about Michael Jackson raping kids, but you have to look at it from a different perspective. You have to look at it from the perspective of. Yeah, he was already tried and licking little kid's asshole.

When little kid said that, he bent me over and he licked my anus. Oh, he said that? Yeah, bro. The kid said he said he said, you know what it takes a kid to have him? And he was an eight, a 10-year-old fucking kid, you know. Another kid is gone No, it's a fucking nightmare, but How about the parents, though, letting them, though?

You should let your daughter go over there? What? Your daughter would have their hang out with fucking No. Jonah brothers. Listen, you have people that, your friends are, but you always keep your eyes on your kids. You know, you always keep your eyes on your kids.

You always got that crazy uncle, man. I got, I got a daughter now in about two years, you're going to start telling me she wants to go to sleep overs. I'm not going to be able to sleep that. I got to be parked outside of the fucking house. house or I gotta have my wife tell her the bad news that she's not allowed to go over it's a different time now listen man I came from a society somebody touches

your daughter you gotta put a bullet in them and that's just the way it is that's just the way it is you gotta shoot them in the leg you gotta send the fucking message you gonna wait for the cops of prosecute them and they bring them back and they move them to another fucking town as a gym teacher and that fucking place doesn't do the background check is that what you and that's what happens that reminds me how do you think these people keep doing what they're they're doing. People stay quiet. It's a short, fucking...

They're embarrassed. I just heard a great story. I just was in Buffalo, and the guy at the casino was telling me a story that they hired a girl, and he goes, you know, it takes 30 days to get hired here because of the extensive background check.

He goes, the first day they said, they hired this girl, and they sent her to the Canada to make a pickup. She got stopped at the border. She had a felony. They said, until you gotta turn around and don't even ever try to come back here again because we'll fucking throw you in jail.

He goes, you know, the background check, how good was the background check? They didn't find the felony where there was from 12 years ago. They only look back then. It's like when you go to the doctor and give them a fucking physical. And all of a sudden one day, you're like, I got cancer.

Well, I gave blood test. Oh, but we didn't check for that. Then what the fuck do you take the blood test for? Right. The check for what? My lips sinks, thought out what the fuck it is? You know, you got a, Because of money things, they don't go far to the distance.

I haven't been touched by a cop in 15 years. So now I think if you draw me up, all that shit doesn't really come up unless they look extensively. And that's when the real Jose Diaz raise your head. Will the real Jose Diaz stand up? Well, I mean, with all these Uber drivers are getting accused of stuff that had an Uber driver went on a murder thing a couple years ago. and picked up riders in between. It was in Michigan, I think. Like, he would kill some people,

go pick someone up, do a couple rides, and go kill it. Like, you can't trust anybody anymore. Fucking nine. A new driver's committed suicide in New York in the last year because of financial struggles because of what Uber has done to the cab drive.

And there's two sides of the story. You got ten guys sharing one car. There's two sides to the story. The problem with the fucking, the cab drivers is that, you know, When you get in the cab right off the bat, you flip the thing, it's like $6. Bam, to get into a cab. And then it's another, when you get into Uber, Uber saves you a little bit of fucking money.

They're everywhere. Uber's everywhere. I'm not mad at Uber. I'm not mad at Uber. You know what? I use Uber and Lyft, both of them. Me too. Short distances, long distances on the road, they save you fucking time and money.

And sometimes it's cheap. And sometimes it's fucking expensive. But I know if I take a cab from my house to LAX, it's a buck 20. I know if I take an Uber Excel, the one that's $38,000 with the existries is 67. Yeah, 70. The past four in the morning, 60. I got a fucking car Uber home the other day for $39 on Sunday because I got 50% off for some reason. Right.

They throw you little fucking gifts and bonuses. So I ain't mad at Uber. But sometimes I worry about who the driver is. If he just came from raping his mother, if he just came from a bar into 22 kamikaze, I started talking too much. But I used to be an actor. So far, I've had mediocre Uber drivers. I had an Uber driver dog that I felt bad for him,

but I also respected him with all my heart. He was a guy that worked as blah, blah, blah, and made, ta-ta-da for 20 years. And he got old, and they laid him off. And he has a family down to college. So I go, watch your schedule. He goes, I come out here at five, and I hang out to about 11. And then I go home for three or four hours, and I do like three to like eight o'clock at night.

He had waters in the car. He had two plugs for you to charge your phone in. He had mints in the car. He asked you what music he wanted. For him, the Uber experience was, I gave him like 18 stars. Right. Because it's a nice thing. You know, in the old days, if you needed 200 bucks a week, you sell Quailloos.

now you can pick up six people in Uber and make two bills Yeah no it's not bad It's just it's all about who Because I've had I had one where some guy Was no joke watching TV while he was driving me home I had a woman I had a man he picked me up

And then I forgot my sunglasses in his car So I forgot my I didn't think about it And then I was talking to my driver in the morning You know I got picked up a similar car like this and I left my sunglasses inside. Then she goes, are these your sunglasses? She goes, yeah, my husband picked you up.

Her and him and I, we share the car. He drives for eight. I drive for eight hours in the morning. He drives for eight hours at night. It's crazy. It's crazy with the phenomenal. But I got my fucking sunglasses, back, eh? It's crazy with the Uber phenomenon.

Yeah. I can't fucking believe it. I got picked up by David Faustino, bro. Who's that? But Bundy. No, you did. No, just kidding. No, a lot of people started doing it.

I guess Dunkelman started doing it to get publicity. Yeah. Much of Rizzo does it? Who? Martin Rizzle? Does he? I mean, for comics and kids? I tell you what, man.

If I'm a comedian and I'm starving right now, you got no excuse. You got a nice car. No, if you got to go to your parents. You can run your car. You go to your parents and go, listen, man. I know I've been busting your balls for years. Need an eighth. Give me a fucking, let me get a $2,000 loan to put down on a nice car.

And I'll fucking Uber for a living, whatever it is. And you know what's good about Uber? You're sitting there watching TV, nothing's going on. You go Uber for two fucking hours. Fuck yeah. You know, you're bored, you're back by your house. You want to go eat. Maybe you want to go to the gym.

You jump in there. You could have a great fucking life on Uber and lift. If you do them both, I know people who hustle on it. The food delivery services. I love it. I love the fucking whole concept. Man, lift driver has the funniest lift stories, man. If you ask him, what the craziest shit ever in your car?

And I spoke to this guy, and he said he picked up a little, he picked up a little person. And a little person, like, was drunk. Just say fucking midget. Well, he picked up Brad Williams. And then, he said, I'm going to say Brad William. He said, I love Brad.

I think I don't like him. I love Brad. He picked him. They just say midget. We don't put him up a little. He said, the midget went to take him to breakfast. The old man said, nah, nah, nah. I want you bringing with my wife.

Come on, man, take you to fucking breakfast. He said the midget stood up and started straggling him from the back seat, bro, kind of up. Like, Chuckie, pretty much. What happened, man? I saw a police officer that pulled up right next to him. They arrested his little ass. Oh, I'm definitely, if I'm an Uber.

I said, it should have opened a sunroof and shut up on like a fucking cat in me. If I'm a fucking Uber left. driver number one I got two cameras in my car fuck yeah but it's elite you can't do that though yes you can't just gotta have a recorder bro you just gotta let them know yeah I got a camera on just for my safety reasons if that's a problem

we get you another car I understand you canceling now I'm okay if you're a normal individual what do you got the fucking yeah I'm just sitting back here picking my nose smoking the vapor pen anyway yeah doesn't really matter but I would put two cameras if for safety I had an Uber driver pick me up on night in lingerie, a chick that was hotter than death. And I could not figure it out for the fucking life of me. And lingerie, when she came out to help me with the luggage,

I was like blown the fuck away. She was Armenian, very hot with lingerie out. You mean like legit lingerie? Like a striper? Yeah, I didn't say two words about it. I may believe like it didn't even. She's a hustler. I think she was trying to hustle, but it didn't even matter to me.

I had a plane to catch. I wouldn't have known what to do with her anyway I'm too fucking awful I had a woman pick me up with her dog and the dog was sitting in the front seat I've had that and they're not allowed to I know she said do you mind I don't think they're supposed to pick up with dogs

or other people yeah that I you know what I mean I I don't give bad ratings because it's their job I try not to give bad ratings but there was someone who like they brought his wife in the car that was creepy his wife yeah

co-pilot bro that's crazy You know, last night I was watching Rocky. Rocky's been out a lot. I love Rocky. And I had the Rocky, and I thought about you last night. I thought about how you're like sort of one of the Rockies of comedy, Felipe. Felipe, we did a lot of hell holes back in the day, bro.

A lot of them, man. And they were all fun. Like, when I see myself on stage now and I'm doing certain things and different moves, it all started from those little hellholes. You know, I was telling Lee that. yesterday i don't hound people for stage time but i tell them the more spots you do the quicker you get to the core yeah the quick you and you do people write brilliant jokes for the first five or six years of their life they write brilliant jokes they stick to the pattern they're good jokes

but something's missing something and they get like your own cadence you get like montreal Yeah. You get a couple things. You get happy. And it goes away and you're sitting in this limbo. You're sitting in this comedy confused limbo. You're a feature act, but you can't headline because you got no credits. No credits.

And da-da-da-da-da-da. And all of a sudden one night you take this fucking shit gig and some shit down. And you're up on stage and you're telling your well-crafted manicure jokes. And somebody goes, boo. You suck. And right away, something, you get this reaction. And now you start just talking. And you just start talking with this cadence, with this confidence.

And within 28 seconds, you got them. Now it's building to a minute. And you've never done this material before. No, never. It's all new. It's just you talking about your mother. Let me tell you something. You think I got fucking problems.

You got a fucking booed me. Your mother booed you at the school play. Let me tell you some. I know. How do I know? because she booed me too. You know, you just go into this fucking thing, and all of a sudden you get out of stage,

and it's like 200 pounds have been done from your fucking life. And now you don't even know how to explain what happened. You go home, and you're like, what do I write in a notebook? That was who I am. Yeah, man. And all of a sudden, after that, for another year and a half, it fucks it to you.

Every once in a while, it comes back and forth. You feel yourself there, but you don't know how to keep yourself there. You don't know, man. You don't know how to keep yourself there. And you're there. You're telling the story. You know, like when you told the story about your gay brother, you would never consider telling that story the first five years in my life.

Because you couldn't fucking back it up. You can't back it up. If somebody said, fuck you and your gay brother, you got to jump off the stage and punch him in the mouth. After five or six, how long did it take you to reveal that you had a gay brother? Eight years? Eight years.

Yeah. Who the fuck wants to hear that you had a gay brother? Maybe I wouldn't talk to you no more if you said, right or wrong. Yeah. Because the real you is who's controlling your material, not the person you're going to return. I don't like abortion jokes. But to stop that feeling, I have to say an abortion joke in Seattle.

My fifth year, I did an abortion joke for about three weeks. Then it got lost by itself. You know why? Because I don't like abortion. I don't like talking about it. It's a woman's show. Whatever the fuck is. I don't even like saying the word during the show.

It puts a stalemate to the show. But I did it just to get the feeling out of the fun. Me too, man. I never did once recently. They've been 20 years. Don't like abortion jokes. I don't like Hitler jokes on stage. It puts people uneven unless it's something, you know, good.

Something good. It took me 20 years to say Hitler on stage. Whoa. It took me 20 years to say abortion on stage. 20 years, Hitler. When Jews say Hitler, it's like they're picking off the lottery to me. You know what I'm saying? Go up higher.

Stay up. Don't say Hitler, you're Jewish. I feel bad because I just wrote one. I know he hates it. No, no, I don't know. I hate it. I'm happy that you're even thinking that way. I'm happy.

You know, I always tell him that I was in shock when I moved out of here to see all these Jewish people to get BMWs. I remember, like, it's against your core. You're driving the fucking car of people who took your people. Yes. And made ashtrays and this. And fucking wool coverings out of them and shit. And put them in fucking smoke dens. And, you know, I don't understand that you could sit.

those people's car, but I guess that you're, whatever outweighs your history. I don't fucking know. No, some people still, like, my mom won't do it. She won't watch a Mel Gibson movie. There's Jews who take, no, it's, uh, yeah, but it's weird because

in Israel they have Mercedes-Benz as all the taxi cabs. So it's, it's hard, but I think it's just, it's all about principles. Tell your mother to stop. She knows 10 years ago, it fucked. and what's his name knocked on the door and said Miss Ayat

get the lingerie on. We're going to town to talk about Jews. She was cool with him until Passionately Christ. Really? Yeah. That's when he said the racial slurs? No, it was that he was saying the Jews killed Jesus.

That was the movie. Well, it's the truth. No, it's not. Yes, that was. The Romans killed Jesus. Yes, that was not. Pontius Pilate sold him down the river, but it's only one Jew.

They had the history of Jesus. and I thought of you. He was prosecuted for blasphemy by the Jewish people. And then when they brought him up to Pontus Pilate, Pontus Pilots didn't know what to do because he didn't really break a Roman law. He broke a Jewish law. And it was like this celebration.

And he goes, well, we're going to bring up Pontus Pilate. We're going to bring up Baracus. And then we're going to bring up Jesus Christ. We're going to let the people choose who you want, Barabbas or Jesus Christ and Barabbas was set free and he killed a Roman and Jesus Christ was sent to the

crucifixion under Roman law That's a beautiful thing Philippe I didn't know you knew that What'd you learn in that? Rehab bro I was in a living again recovery homes And we used to read the Bible every morning Like have our morning praise

And then we'll separate after lunch after breakfast and go to like an AA or NA meeting. How old were you when you were in rehab? Oh, it was 22. And how long was the rehab process? I stood there for six months. I got out. Then as soon as I got out, I got into a fight with my dad at home.

I almost fell off the wagon. So I said, fuck this. I went back to rehab before I fell off again for another six months. So I stood there for a year of volunteering. No shit. I was like another consular, but I was like a runner. I would drive the van full of men

full of drug addicts and I'll take them to the welfare office to fill out their welfare and I'll take them to the hospital to the clinics and I was in charge of the van sometimes I'll be in charge of the whole camp

like 50 men so you weren't and is that part of what the home boy is because I've already talked about that and I know he's a pretty cool guy. Father Greg Boyo he introduced me to a a pastor named Jesse Higera, Pastor Juan, that's his name.

And he owned, he owned, but he ran living again recovery homes with a man named Bill. And together, you know, even though that they're Christian, Father Greg Boyle knows them. And he, I know Philippe Spars that you let him in. So they took me in right away. So what's father? Can you explain Father Greg Boyle? Because he has a pretty, like, big following. For the great boyo and like he's a he's a Jesuit priest from Boyle Heights and he started a little church called the Lord Mission.

A little tiny church only like 100 people fit in there. And he started a thing called job for the future because nobody wanted to hire people who live in the housing projects. Like if you try to get a job outside like at the many warehouses, around the neighborhood, they'll look at your address and then hire you. So Father Great Boyle went to these companies and said, if you hire Joy Diaz,

if you hire Lee Sayette, if you hire Philippe Spars, you hire Tom Segura, whatever, I'll pay them out of my money, but let them work there. So they're actually working for free. But Father Great Boyle was paying their salaries out of his money.

And if you like them in six months, hire them. So after six months, they'll hire only Joe Diaz and we sucked. So Joe Diaz will actually get a job there permanently. And then they'll move us to another job. They were pretty much Father Great Boyle begged them to hire us. So after a while, he made a lot of money and Father Great Boyle opened up a bakery. And that way he hired all the like the black sheep of the neighborhood, a bunch of people. And then he opened up a silk screen company. And he hired more Dugs. And then he opened up a cafeteria. He hired a bunch of women and that's how I started. Now they have a Homeboy bakery in the airport. But what happened when I won last common standing,

before I won, they were going through hard times. They needed money. So when they asked me, a last common standing, what are you going to do with the money if you win? So I'm going to give some of it to a Homeboy industry. And people saw it. They looked it up. Let people give him money and I give them money they're doing great yeah it's pretty cool it's uh like one of the things you always I paid them back you know right

I mean how hard is it like is it if you had like the same high school education or whatever somebody like is being like a former gang member like with tattoo like does that stuff really hold you back as much as they like is it almost impossible to find a job or what is it like

some of these guys that come out of prison they've been there like for 20 years or 15. I know one kid and one black kid and another guy, right? Like this guy named was cartoon. This other guy, I forgot his name, but one was a Crip. And one was from another gang. And a guy broke down.

So those guys went up there to see what's up. But an older guy went up there to rob them. So something happened, the guy they robbed got shot. And those two guys were like 17, 18, 17 years. old. I don't know. They did 20, man. They came out with a 37 years old.

So, you know, who's going to hire them? What kind of job skills do you have if they were gangbagging in prison too? So Father Craig gets a chance to work at a homeboy industry at a bakery. Or a lot of my friends that I grew up with ended up getting jobs in the movie industry. Okay. Like that was the first job that he had for us. Like I had a friend named Timothy Record. He worked for Wendy Lieberman.

And he worked for, he worked for, he worked for his gun. So he ended up working for his gun. He was one of the actors in, in fucking, when they were doing the protest for the black kids, not going to school. He was one of the black kids. So he was the guy that they helped while he ended up getting killed later on in real life. But at least they helped him. You know, it's, you can't help everybody. It's really hard to understand until you've been locked up or you've made a mistake

or you go to a rehab and you come out and you try to be honest with people. Like you try to be honest with people. Yeah. To a point in your life where you're like, I, Lee, my name is Joey Diaz. I'm here to apply for the job. I want to be a baker's assistant. Fill out the application and you have those questions on that. were you convicted of a felony

have you ever been convicted of the felony you have a decision to make you know after I did my thing I never marked those boxes no I didn't lie and I didn't say the truth you know what I'm saying I just left them open I had my personal reasons I didn't want that label

you know but I have been at places where the guy hires you and then the word gets out you were in prison and now people start breaking you It's a really weird dynamic unless you've seen it. Like I saw it in restaurants in New York when I worked at the Sheridan. The manager down there was a racist white fuck from like fucking, I don't know.

They had that trans for him. Yeah. And he would always ride these three black guys that were busboys. Like if you don't do your job right, you can end up back in the fucking prison. Don't push me to make the call. And at that time, I hadn't been in prison. But it didn't I knew in my mind that someday I was going to prison and I remember how bad I felt for them that I would always tell them one of you motherfuckers You just knock them out

Just knock them the fuck out and it was weird because I had a job for a while at the galaxy towers And they had to give me your job because somebody made a call But the dude was my boss from the minute I walked in was like He didn't like me and every week he was right me up or something but there was nothing he could do because the guy who got me the job there there was nothing he could do and it aggravated him so he would pick on me like little by little so it's really weird I know what it's like to get a job for people to treat you differently because you've gone down a different path you know whether you have fucking a tattoo on your neck

or you got out of rehab so when father boiled doesn't something like that you don't imagine how much progress an individual makes just by making bagels every day if I give you a direction all right at first the first week you look at it as fuck I got in the prison to make bagels how the fuck am I gonna hang out with my home boys you know what I'm saying if I'm making bagels but then something happens you look at it from a different perspective you don't want to make just bagels You want to make the best bagels because that's all you got is pride.

And it's like when you go to prison, they have these prisons now that let you have dogs and cats. And they have studies that those prisoners who make contact with dogs and cats before they get released into general population, the recidivism rate is down. Because now they have something to care about. You have to give the felon, the ex-drug addict, the ex-person who tried to kill themselves. Yeah. All those people. You have to give them a special treatment. Not hands-on.

You got to remind the motherfucker every once in a oh, hey, dog, you're the motherfucker and you're the motherfucker and you fell off the roof. Go pick up the fucking garbage. You know what I'm saying? I mean, you crack different jokes, but that's one thing that I respected. Yeah. I read unto them. Yeah.

It's so weird. They have bread at different farmers markets. Yes. And I picked them chips. And chips and shit. And I picked up the pamphlets. I always buy the bread. I always buy something,

even if I give it to the neighbor. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't see him up here at the farmer's market, but I always see him with the Hollywood Farmer's Market. With the dude. Who's the dude that came in fifth in NBC's America's top comic? Whatever that fucking show you. That's comic standing.

That's comic standing. He was a creepy dude that was an ex-boxer. Jay Jay great guy Rogan loves him I love him he knows everything about boxing he used to have creepy

Jay London Jay London yeah yeah London thank you on Saturdays Jay London would take and Sundays

if you go to the Hollywood flea market yeah the Hollywood food thing on Sundays you'll see Jay London taking signatures there you bad ass like 20 feet

from boy. He knows a lot about boxing. Yeah, no, no, no. He knows everything about boxing. But he taught me the movie, he goes, you know, there's two moves, you know, the one you get real close, and if you're tired of boxing, you rest your hand on his shoulder. He goes, another one. He goes, you make a little turn, and you head button.

Yeah, he's crazy. But what a sweetheart of a guy. He's an awesome guy. But no, every time, because of you, and I read the pamphlet one day, and I remember you mentioning them, you know. whether he's a pre, whatever the fuck he is, he did something. Yeah, he didn't. I would love to be a part of a halfway house,

like some type of, because I knew when I went to a halfway house, it was a 40% thing. 40% they were really trying, but they left too much of an area of a gap for you to get involved in bad things. So there's more activities you have to give them. There's more things you have to talk about.

There's different things. You have to talk. I used to hate those fucking men groups. Me too, man. It's the dark, especially the one that's all dark with one Kandah one. No, I don't do those. This ain't no Swami. This ain't Uja.

This isn't that the Ouija? The Pekoyma and A.N. Kendo light meeting. No, no, no. I used to go to that one man. When I was in Boulder, I was four. One candle, it was a whole bunch of men. Drog.

Cried. When I was in Boulder, I was made to go to AA meetings as part of Rehab. A or any. I would do whatever. because whatever was easiest. At the end of the week, it's all the same shit. It's just different wording. So I would go to AA meetings.

I went one night to a midnight candle. One. Oh, my God, I lasted 10 minutes. I didn't even put a dollar in the basket. Usually you wait until you put a dollar in the basket and go to the bathroom, get the fuck out of you. You get your little signature? Because you had to go to a piece of paper, Lee.

Oh, dude. You had to get a signature for the dude. I would duke him like 20. Just put like five sentences on there for me. I was, those guys are flat broke. They don't give a fuck those A guys. For the small 50, they'll sign you away their lives. I used to go to.

How do you always have the small 50, though? You're in the halfway out. When you want action, you got to come up with the small 50. God damn it. I used to go to the Narcotics and Notamist meeting and White Memorial Hospital every Friday from 7 o'clock to 9 p.m. And I say, you know, I'm not going to come here, man. It's too many fucking gangsters here.

But I committed myself to go. I said, I was somebody. I was in charge of the coffee and they didn't want to do it anymore. So I said, I'll bring the coffee every week. So they gave me the coffee pot. So every Friday I would show up early and make the pot of coffee. And then they'll give me the money to go buy more coffee. And I was the coffee guy.

I never share shit. I never say anything. I just stood in the bag next to some blonde white chola. And she was in charge of donuts. one meeting I was there I saw a guy talking and at the end of the meeting I shook his hand

he goes do you remember me Batman and I go Batman and he goes I don't nobody called you that no more you know who I am no I don't he goes I loan you my car for $60 and you fucking wrecked it

and you just had me the keys and told me it was my fault I said how long were you and I said you want some coffee How long were you involved with drugs with all together?

Oh man, I felt down fast, man. I started smoking pot at 20 years old, 19. And then the next year I was smoking crack and PCP. Because 20 is kind of late for... But I was drinking already, man, at 15 years old. I used to go to a lot of quinceaneras, a lot of birthday party dog, A lot of like Chivo killings, a lot of goats slaughtering. I used to go to parties, bro, with my mom and dad where it started at night in the morning.

And they were like cut up a live, a pig, bro, a real pig, a whole pig. And have a pit full of lard. And they'll put all the pork rinds of the pig inside. So we're eating pork rind, um, garnita tacos, bro. And then by five, by four, by noon, they're cutting up the other. part of the other part of the of the pig and they're making them tacos of carnitas not chicharon carnitas and by nighttime so all that leftover fat they get that fat and they make a pot of beans nice and they make tamales was it and

we're there for like a whole day bro eating the whole fucking big but at 15 you could drink in front of your parents but no man we do with a bunch of beer also but um there was like about 10 kids and we would just grab a beer and then sneak it away grab a beer sneak it away Remember when you would drink drinks and people leave at parties when you were a kid. I never did that shit. You know what it was? I would do that with food, bro.

I had access to alcohol, man. I had tons of access to alcohol. If I had friends that would need a bottle, I'd just go up to my mother's bar and take one and put in my jacket and just give it to me. Just go, I don't want you out fucking asking old people. I got a bottle just and I'd make my mother scratch it. I know I had an extra bottle of vodka around here somewhere. You know, I had so much access to alcohol, and I didn't use it. I didn't like it, Philippe.

Yeah. I didn't like it. And then we had a bar downstairs. In my house in North Bergen, when I was growing up, you had no bar. You made a left out. You could either go up the stairs to the kitchen or there was down the stairs. There was a boiler room, but the people who had it were panelling up, like a teaky room, and they have a little slot for bottles, and there was a little makeshift bar with four stools.

I just never dug it. Did you have that, was it right next to that record player that opened up with a mirror of wood and then lit up? They had a small record player down. Upstairs, they had the record player. This is how old I am, guys.

We had the record player in the middle. And then you had the 8th track in the corner, but you controlled everything from the other corner. And it was beautiful. It was a long piece. Like a regular desk, like a long draw. and then you'd slide the case and the TV would be underneath

yeah no VCRs no VCR cable came and then you had to put the cable like on the floor because you had the turntable here you had the 8 track on the corner and you had all the controls for the stereos and the speakers were in the drawers underneath the fucking thing so the stereo was a big piece of

hell yeah because later on you had the little you had to buy the other part the high fire to make everything sound good did you grow up with money He did you guys grow up with money? No, we had no money, man, but...

You could like government help. No, my dad worked. My dad was a welder. He worked at Pike welding company. And my mom said that he was one of the... His company, they welded parts of the Panama Canal. Like, everybody in America had a part to do with the canal. So my dad, he welded pieces of it that they shipped to Panama to make the canal.

He got that job for many years, and my dad was a welder for a long time, but he got into his car accident later on when I was in high school, and he fucked up his back. But then my mom picked up the pieces. She became an assistant nurse at the elementary school, and eventually she was like the school manager at night. She's the one that blown you balls and bats and basketballs. How old were they when they had you? My mom was, I don't know, man. I was born in Mexico. They were like in their 20s, I guess.

God, that's so scary to me. What? Just have it like, you have to take care of these kids and you're, like, I still don't feel ready at all. And my dad has seven, bro. Seven. Six, he has six. All together with your mom.

My mom, bro. What number are you? I was like, number one. Oh, good. Okay. Like, then number two came, my brother Angel, my brother Fernando. Do you remember coming over the... Hell yeah, bro. I remember getting caught twice. I remember my brother dressing up like a little girl. And, um, but, um, yeah, I remember getting caught. That's it. And what they do is here, no. Oh, man, they, um, they locked us up at the San Clemente jail. And then they released us. Back then it was like, we were, Mexicans were like fish. Like,

like bass. It was catch and release. So they were catch you getting in. Did you write down your name and then they'll toss you back into Tijuana, Mexico? And it took the third time

for you to get in? The third time, yeah. And all 90s got in. No, I have four brothers that were born in America. Okay. So just the three of us.

My dad was already here. My dad was already working here. My dad's cousin, my dad's nephew. and nephews and his cousins they were all working here they came here like in the late early 70s so they were working at this column I think of a record company and they press records and vinyals you know they put vinyl inside boxes and they shipped them and that was their job and my dad was a welder so when we first got here once we snuck in

I think we took they took us to like a place where they keep everybody who is illegal, who hasn't paid their smuggler. I guess we sat there for two days to somebody paid, I guess. I guess I didn't know that. I forgot that we were there for three days and somebody had to pay. So we were in Carson, city of Carson.

And when did you finally grow up in Boyle Heights? I grew up in Boyle Heights. I went to an elementary school called Sheridan. And we all lived. They had one room, my dad, my mom, with one room in the kitchen, that's it. So we slept on the same band. How were the meals?

I don't remember, man. We had a lot of beans and homemade flour tortillas, bro. Mexico, bro. Mexico, they can make a half an egg. They can make it half an eggs. You wake up up in the morning and make, like, I guess, 100 flour tortillas and boil a pot of beans. And then by nighttime, she'll make sure,

Tososos with potatoes, bro. My dad will bring cheese from somewhere and we'll make cassadillas, eat. Sometimes we'll eat on fried eggs with rice and beans and flour tortillas. But we ate good, man. I mean, I never complained. You think back about those days at all?

Is it part of who you are today? I think so, man. It helped me like appreciate meals, you know, not to waste food or time. my dad told me you know like he would give me advice like my dad will come home dirty as fuck you know like a coal miner black you know and hands filthy filthy hot from welding all day he told me um i don't know i don't care what you do in life you know at longest you have a job where at the end of the day you don't have to wash your hands to eat and i'm pretty

pretty much took his advice but i'm a stand-up comedian When did you become a Dodger hop dog boy? Oh. Before the crack, after the crack. Before the crack. Before the crack. Before drugs. You were in good shape, huh, Felipe? You couldn't do that job today. Fuck, no. You'd fall apart at the seams. That brusitis would come back.

That platar fasciitis shit. Oh, shit. I'll be over there with a fucking doctor medicine guy massaging my foot. I got a job at Dodger Stadium, man. When I was like back in 90, I don't know, I'm 99. these. Damn. But I was working at

before, no. I was working at Dodger State when I was in high school. I was a souvenir seller, bro. I used to have a like a little basket with seven dodger helmets,

seven dodger koala bears, seven little bats, six pennants, five cheerleading things. Partridge in a pantry. Yeah, and I'll be walking around the state and going, Summineers! Get your

Dodger's souvenirs. How would you get up there from Boar Heights? For I catch the bus. I was like 16 years old, 17. I would catch the bus and they will pay me fucking cash at the end of the show.

At the end of the game. How much are you working? So if I sold a $460 worth of merch, I came home with 80 bucks. If I sold 200, I gave home with 20 bucks. I'll get 20% of everything I sold. Dude.

How? Explain the people who don't live in L.A. How hot it is during, like, this summer? Like, what was a day game like in August? A hundred, bro. God damn. But see, man, I love my virginity wearing that fucking clothing, bro. I was working there, bro.

And, man, one night, I don't know where you glee. Every fucking baseball season is hot all over the country. Yeah, and I don't work carrying stuff around. Boston's muggy. Boston, Yankees got a play in death. Yeah, I can't imagine being a hot dog. I was at a fucking Dodger game once where, God bless his soul.

He just... Hey there, buddy. He just won comic standing, and he fucking was spending money as soon as it was coming in. And he got us three tickets to go see Roger Clemens against the Dodgers.

And we all fucking went, and it was right as the sun was melting us. We were right there where the sun just killed you. We didn't know. And when you get there, we're like, damn, it's empty around here. Because people know not to sit there.

Like, Dodger people... Yeah. It's empty. They're out there in the stands in the hallway. He got those tickets like an hour before. Like we could see Clemens' hairs on his nose and shit. But nobody sits there because

people who do sit there, sit there with umbrellas and suntan lotion up. We're three fat fucks. Me eating edibles. That's when we were going to. We were going to the store next to Dukes. It was the black people that used to run it on sunset. They had big chocolate cakes

that were delicious. We're at the fucking Dodger game eating cakes. getting stone and Austin after three innings we're like bro we start we had puddles under our arms my fucking scalp had a heart of the sunburn I'm like we gotta go now I get cheap tickets I go twice a year with the kids and I get cheap tickets a bunch of us the kids get together I'll tell you what it's a great time all I get the reserve parking

I walk up those stairs right there I hook a fucking left I get on the elevator up and I have a great time And I take her with kind of her girlfriends, the church, the preschool. And I'll tell you what, it's a great time. I love baseball season. Me too. I just don't go as much as I fucking could. I got to be in New York in New York for a month.

And I made Ari a promise that we're going to at least go to one Yankee game and get a $15, a $20 cheese steak. Why not? You only live once. Only live once. Only live once. Walk the fucking things. You know, baseball, it's like this time of the year.

Greg Garcia. fucking hit me up to pick a bracket the winner gets $7,500, $2,500 cash, and $5,000 went to a charity of your choice. And I couldn't figure out who to pick. I didn't even know who to pick. I mean, Duke is the obvious one, North Carolina. But there's always that come from behind team. Yeah.

The motherfuckers that squeak each game by one. Irvine, UC. Are they still alive? No, they're done. They're done, yep. Later, next year, and eaters. That was the only... But they were on them.

That was the only... I was rooting hard. That made it. Yeah. How many teams are we down to now? I don't know. 16? Uh-oh.

It's a sweet 16, baby. That's why... Yeah, yeah. It was pretty exciting. I watched a couple games. I saw fucking Duke just kill somebody. I saw fucking Duke just bury somebody. I think I saw Duke on their first game when they bury somebody.

But I saw somebody else bury Seton Hall that were white kids. And me and my wife looked at them. the school where it was it was an all-Christian school for hallelujah these motherfuckers were playing old school white basketball you are you maybe no no no no no this is strouttsburg south carolina like that's how small this and it's not called stroutsburg don't quote me on that whoever beats seat in all the first round look who beat seat in all the first round how many ten they they were disciplined let me tell you something they will fuck they played white ball to the T.

The defense, the passing. They had a white kid on there that was, and they probably lost by now because they were just too small in the school. So whoever beat Seton Hall in the first round, what kind of offer they were running, probably squad? But they'll do a lot of passing, huh?

Playing like a Midwestern team's blown things down. Seaton Hall, they had a kid that was putting up jump shots without even fucking looking at the goddamn thing. My buddy, I I want to thank Greg Harenda over at Fairleigh Dickinson University. He got to the first round. Listen, like I talked Billy Hurenda today,

and I told him, your brother's got nothing, nothing, nothing to be ashamed of. Just getting to the NCAAs is something. Greg and I go back to the eighth grade, summer of 78 going a five-star basketball fucking camp. So for him to even make it to the fucking, who they lose to? Warford College in Spartanburg, South Carolina. Berk, South Carolina. Spartanburg.

Dog, and who'd they lose to the poor guys? Let's see here. See if they lost already. Because they're great, but they're going to get beat up by a bigger, more physical team down the fucking line. But this for me, when I watch this... Yeah, they lost the University of Kansas, I think. Yeah, that's it. They played somebody like that.

Oh, no, Kentucky. Yeah, that's fucking... Unless this was last year, I'm freaking out. Is that the Cardinaldlovo? It's like I was saying to you before. When I watched the movie... Rocky, I think a lot about you in the comedy world. You're like

a true fucking rocky a comedy. Like they were they had so many other Spanish comics doing that they're sleeping. It's not that you were out there sleeping. You were out there doing what you're supposed to be doing.

And that's creeping while you're sleeping. It's going out and doing three spots a day and you never complained. We never talked. In those days, you and I never spoke about acting. If you remember our original conversations,

it was always about where we were going to do a spot that night. Where's the spot tonight? Dog, I got no money. Where's the spot tonight? Well, let me make the call, and you would call some... Call fly. Yeah, call for Latina. Edwards on 1.

Yeah, that. You know, it's just, I don't see that anymore. I mean, I'm not in that circle anymore. They're probably, they don't want to call me because, you know, what the fuck? I'm going to call him for. He's going to say. $40.

Yeah, $40. To do Liams. But who books Williams? I don't know. You know, the kid finally lost a room. Out there. They don't have it no more. In Ontario?

Yeah. He lost her. There's done no more. No more Liams. That was a long time. Dude, that was a, that was a, he booked me one time, paid me $150. Then I saw the flyer.

It was next week. Jamie Walker. What the fuck? What about the club we would do up north? The crazy kid that had the coked-up girlfriend and they would do coke. Stockton, right? No, no, no.

There was a room you and me used to do an hour out. He used to call Josh Wool. He was friends of Josh Wool. He paid $130 to headline on a Friday. But he had a girlfriend who was at high. And she was a cokehead. and he would bring you up and he'd start doing coke

by the time you got off stage him and her were coked up to the gills and had a little bar and he always paid a weird amount I can only give you one 15 I can only give you 1-11 you know what I'm saying I can only give you $118 to that

I got coverages and you took the gig it was an hour away you said the comedy store 1130 but I've never remembered San Bernardino or something right up to the corner Ventura You and I disgusted because the girl, we did coke with the girl.

She was a hot white girl. It was a room over there up north, and the kid. It was Ventura, and you had a Macora. 8.05 comedy. Yes, 805. Hey, you know that guy you're talking about? I saw him in a documentary. He does pretty good.

I'm air guitar. Yeah, 805 comedy. He had these two white chips. There was a couple 805 comedies. Yeah. The Russian kid who was scamming people who finally his last scam was the Santa Barbara victims. And he had Brody go up there. That's the Santa Barbara room, bro.

I didn't join Medina. Yes, yes. It was a little room. No hotel room. You're going to leave and drive back home. They had the college up there that you did. Once he got fired, you got down. Remember the coach house?

Where was the coach house? The coach house was in Santa Barbara on Wednesday nights, Italian Dante. used to book it, me and other comedy always go there. I would do the coach house there and the coach house and now someone capistrano and the same guy,

he had a room at the Galaxy Theater and I did it with Willie Barcelona. The Galaxy Theater was where? In Santa Ana, California. Yes. Thursday nights. It was $200. And it was a step, not a steakhouse.

A dinner theater. Yeah, dinner theater. Dinner theater. It's still there. It's still there, but nobody does comedy. Every once in a while somebody pulls a comedy, that'd be a nice place for you to get going. Yeah, bro.

That same guy was booking the Colchard, Santa Barbara, the Colchard and someone who's strong on an off night. And you'll take a beat in the first night. But, I mean, you got to do it. And they're eating dinner during the show? No, they finished dinner. They finished dinner. Okay.

It's just, it's in there in levels. It's not, doesn't see the lot. Maybe two of it. That's one of the first times I became friends with Joe Rogan. Yeah. We would be friends from the fucking comedy store. Clyde, with the name of the guy. Clyde.

And there was very light, our friendship. And then one day we were both stuck on traffic. And when I look over, he's parked next to me. And he looks at me. He goes, where are you going? I go, I'm going to the galaxy. And he goes, oh, you're working with a friend of mine tonight. Tell him, I said, hello.

The guy was headlining. I was featuring. But they did not like me at all. They did not like a dirty crowd at all. The galaxy, in fact, maybe six or seven years ago, I opened for Rogan there before the UFC. We did a show there on a Friday night before UFC. I remember going to go on there going, oh, my God,

I was here before. I forget the kid who used to book it. For me, it wasn't Clyde. He was a kid that's still around, that one night made a weird statement about, me in front of me and we had to shut him down because he said that if he worked not rickie right that's you know guy not rickoryt Ortiz no this guy was a white dude he said you're Bob prequel no he goes you're lucky i'm not going because you won't be able to follow me and

i know i could definitely follow you and i remember chewy looking at him going you're out of line and walking away and that Thursday the dude was nowhere to be found he was talking a bunch of what did you do to him me yeah i didn't do what do we only do to me i don't know what do we don't No, it sounds like a mother. It's the type of thing that you go, let's see if it's true. I'll see you there Thursday. I'll fucking do my dirtiest scent. I'll throw you the fuck off.

Or I'll come out here with the energy of 10 fucking prisoners just let out of jail. And you're not going to be able to follow that. So why would you make a statement? And he's still around. I still see him in stupid fucking movies. Who gives a fuck? He could get by a train. How about Blythe and Brawley?

You know, then Broly for Patrick DeGere? or that Papa Chulo I have no idea bro somewhere selling his T-shirts No he's got to be blind by now By now he's got to be blind

Bro he was blind and what he didn't He was blind 10 years ago Hustling more than people that had eyes Hell yeah he had rooms I never disrespect to him for that He'd get there

Hey Joey I got the I got the This Navy Pier I'm a What piss do you win? Oh, yeah. He always had fucking room. Dog, if there was an opportunity for a room, I respected those guys.

Hell yeah. There was a time where he got to... Those guys at one time, you're like, Jesus Christ. And all of a sudden... Him and while he won. All of a sudden, you got to go back and go, wait a second. They're offering me money to apply my trade. He always had weird gigs, but they weren't the garden.

They're not the comedy store. They're not the improv. Weird gigs. It was a gig. What about the fucking gig? that the guy was weird as fuck and he used to book Wednesdays at the Irish bar

in Huntington Beach or one of those beaches he was from Boston he was really creepy with a beard he booked that and he booked What's above Sima? What's above if I'm going to see me Valley what do I pass?

I love that they did a Latin show No they did it A lot of South Chalabastas? No they did a show there a Latin show on 725 who's the guy that died with the prosthetic leg Um

fucking The Vietnam bet the Cuban dude Got rest of soul He had the goggles He'd to wear the big eyes He just saw a little bubble eyes No no That was a different

What was his name Old guy He was going blind He had thick glasses He would host at the laugh factory And one day actually pulled up And his face was in the poster looking at the

Frankie Caracasquillo Frank Castillo Frankie Carrasquillo he moved to a New York Yeah yeah he could Yeah he was Puerto Rican He had big thick fucking glasses I mean guys

Rado right oh right You cannot He was fucking blind He was blind Him and Patrick This guy was blind Was a little bit more blind than then

Castillo Patrick till this day gets the utmost respect from me And appreciation because I'll never forget like watching him. Remember towards the end, his wife started coming?

He had kids. He had kids. And he was up there with the fucking stick, calling and doing open mics, and I would bump into him in places. And he would be really serious about his trade. Like he was really fucking serious. He wasn't lighting the world on fire, Felipe,

but you look back and you go, Jesus Christ, I remember getting inspired by him. Man, I remember he booked me one of those shows, and he, like, big fat fucking dinners, bro. Like, a fucking fat steak, shrimp, fries, everything, right? We're eating. And this person, like, across from him was having a heart attack and he's dying. And then, like, everyone stopped being to eat, and I looked over at him. He patrick, I can't stop eating.

The guy's dying over there. Bro, I can't see shit, man. I can't see him. So do you feel like the Mexican Rocky of course? comedy hell yeah man like where you came from and how slow the process well very slow how slow was it until you got the last comment it was like um when I got to last comment standing I've been doing comedy what nine years 10 10 and now I'm at 22 that was 12 years ago last comments yeah that 2010 they were nine years ago

Jesus that went quick really bad yeah but you learn bro like you know I learned like you know I learn like I always headlining but they pushed me out there but like you say like it's you learn bro like I remember bombing one time and I were looking at the audience in Atlanta Georgia and it was like 38 people on a Thursday and then I got the I said um you know what um normally if I was doing comedy for like two years I would think that it was bombing tonight that I sucked but nah you guys sucked you guys sucked you guys sucked you guys sucked you guys sucked you guys sucked you You guys failed as an audience. You guys suck.

I'm good. You guys are not great. Because you are not ready to even be in a fucking open mic room. This audience is not even ready to be in a bringer room. Like, you're not allowed to get invited to a bringer show. Then I got the crowd back, bro. Because I really felt that they suck. I didn't suck.

I did my job. These shows work everywhere but here. Do you blame the crowd sometimes? It's jokingly, yes. But deep down, you like me. You blame yourself. Yeah, fuck yeah. I blame myself even when I'm killing up there.

And when I'm killing, but later on in the room, I feel like, nah, man, you cheated. You went back to your old jokes or, you know, you did something bad. Like, what do you think about that going back to your old joke? I feel like it's, I feel like, for me it's a cop-out. And I know that people are not going to laugh as hard, you know, because they already heard it. but I know there's some who haven't heard it. But then I feel like, I don't even really, I led you to the set,

then I hear these old jokes that I said. Let me ask you some. You go see Santana today. Yeah. Almost the last time you went to see Carlos Lime. Carlos Santana? Yeah. Never.

The first fucking 45 minutes of Carlos Santana, he does two things. He talks your fucking ear off, and he plays music you don't even want to hear when you're dead. You understand me? Then the last 30 minutes, he does a rendition of Combin. and that's when you look around

and you see people going crazy. They're coming back with a bucket, but in their ballots, I'm digging a shit. The other day, I'm fucking driving and I heard Black Dog by Led Zeppelin, the most played album in the history of the fucking world. And I'm sitting in at one point, I hit a light, and I caught myself being a taken back.

How come when you go see a musician and you see their set list, if they got 15 songs, 12 of them, better be motherfuckin' motherfuckin' ones I know from the previous albums. If you want to play your new shit, save that for the farmer's market. You know what I'm saying? Hell yeah. Do you think that works for

comedians? Hell no, because when you're doing comedy, there's a surprise element at the end. Yeah. You know, you're just surprised. You're surprised that Joey said, fucking tea bag, you know? But when you hear it like over and over, there you're no more surprised. You're just

smiling now. No, that's why I give myself so much time in between cities because you never want to, I don't want them to see me. Like people go to the same cities the same time every year. It burns me up. Like, yeah, I got material since the Netflix special. Thank God. You know why I got it?

Because I'm not sweating. When you're sweating material, it won't come to you. It won't come to you, man. When you're not sweating material and you don't give a fuck, if I come to you and say I'm going to give you $10,000 to fucking do a special on August 15. you're going to want to fucking be writing like John Mullaney you have a gun to your head

yeah I need 18 months I'm gonna come up with two hours I might do a CD this summer like in August just to get this hour done and start at another one until I hear what's going on or whatever but I gotta tell you I asked you in the beginning

if you were going to shoot a special I'm not too thrilled in specials no more no I think that Dave I think it's time for us to come up with something different as comedians A movie. To refresh. Yeah, a movie.

I think it's time, but not like a scripted movie. Something different. Something that mixes the elements of animation, your family, where you came from, and excerpts of your comedy. I think because people are listening to podcasts and they're knowing who the fuck you are now, that now they understand when they see you and Lisa by the pool

cooking a fucking cake out of carrots or whatever the fuck you do, you know. You guys are traded jokes. trying organic apples I get excited Joey like when I know you don't do Thursday through Sunday you do Friday Saturday Sunday but I do I do Thursday I love Thursday Thursday it's my night Thursday is my night Thursday's my night Thursday you might hear jokes you're not gonna hear all yeah you're not gonna hear all yeah you're not gonna hear all yeah I'm gonna forget them but I'm gonna go over my stay I love Thursday I love

Thursday I love Thursday I always have Thursday I hate show I don't mind like this we have to add a Saturday got to be tight I had a I had a had a Thursday yeah late show but it's in Pittsburgh because see it was overwhelming but I usually like Thursdays one night you know and I hate when they come in and they go how much time are you doing on Thursday we don't know does it matter maybe 1 15 because I'm gonna try everything that's in that notebook and I'm gonna find out what you feel like you feel young huh so now the first show Friday you've chopped it down to 50 but now the second show you rotated something down and now the set is tight now it's

cooking now Saturday they're fucking ready feeding into there out blah blah blah I love all this shit. I love that whole. You can back your sign. Get up in a... That's why I love that. Felipe. Yeah.

I love it, man. How do you know that the comedy store more? But who's me? I know you live far from there, but Felipe, if you're in town for the week, just call in for Tuesday and Thursday. And do all three shows. Do the main room, do the original, and do the belly room. They'd love to have you. Who do I call?

Call fucking... The fucking thing. Call the... Duncan Trussell. No, no, no. I'll call the chick that... I forget what her name is. Emma?

Yeah, something like that. Her name is in my phone. You call on, you go, and you put me on belly on Tuesday nights. They'll put you on both of them. You do the original room, and you do Sam Tripley's main room? There's four spots.

That means you can rotate your jokes in four different situations. Take a bombing. You're probably bombing the belly room for the ten show, but you're tired by that. Yeah. That builds comedy endurance.

You don't know you can lift 350 pounds until you try it. You're going to try it. You go, shit, I can lift 280, but I got to get up to 350. Yeah. It's the same concept. I love when I was doing my shit with you, when you and I were running hard in the early 2000s, we were doing three spots a night. Three spots.

I remember one time I did 15 spots in L.A. in one week. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was the... Remember that DJ with a fucked up hand? He got me a couple of. A couple of DJ Rubin. He got me a couple of gigs. I got a couple of gigs at the Stephen Steakhouse.

There's always the money. Always, always $75. Somebody owe and a bad piece of meat. Oh, my God. It was bad. It's just a little better than stake them. It's like the guy hasn't died yet. Or then that one, maybe they had Camacho for a while on a Sunday.

Oh, my God. Camacho is one of my favorites. Packed, right? I love that. Packed for a while. fucking Sunday bro camacho I asked somebody on somebody picked me up that day from who but I go what are you from he goes Lakewood I go is the hop still there and he goes I don't know what you're talking about he was a young kid yeah and I explained them that 10 years

ago the hop on a fucking Wednesday night they used to sell tacos outside no gloves no gloves Lee they would give you a coupon you could either have a coupon for three drinks or a coupon for tacos we would get there are tremendous we'll get their early bro. Get fucking high outside in the parking like coming side, eat tacos, and watch Thursday night nitro. It's pilot for bombardier time for Lee.

Something's hitting them. It was comedy and a live band. You know what's hitting me. The good good decision, you see? That's a... No more smoky for Lee. He got asthma last week. He came back with 20 stories.

They gave a bottle of cough medicine with a cold... Good cough. You think he brings it in to share with his friends? No. He's a half of fruitcake. You think he'd bring in and give us a shot of cough medicine so we can beware of the bronchitis he's going to give it. My brain doesn't go. I'm not hoarding it.

Who thinks they're bringing cough medicine for somebody? You should have it on you just for little sips with fucking like Zambuca. They say you can't drive on it. Combucha. And you believe that shit? Do you believe everything? I try to. Why would they lie to me?

Oh my God. I drive around the neighborhood, but I'm not going to drive fucking. No, you can drive from there and then on one fucking thing of fucking cough medicine. Do you really read the labels and stuff? No, they told it. You know what this guy told me on that? What? They're going to go on to a strip club.

I just called to see if they had a cover charge. He called the strip club to see if they had a cover charge. This is what I deal with, ladies and gentlemen. On a Saturday night in Buffalo with no window to jump out of. He called the strip club to see if they took a fucking... Even if they did let you in for free, what do you think? They're going to let you see those hoofers for free? You got to take a dollar.

No, I know. That's why they didn't go. That's why I didn't go. Can you imagine that, people, what I got to deal with? This is what I got to deal with. Come on, Lysayet. Lysayet doesn't make a rain. He makes it partly cloudy with chances of.

Participation. I didn't bring that to cough medicine because the label says not to drive. That label over there with the edible says not to do dick. Yeah. I still got to go to jump up and down and take my. daughter I gotta go pack I gotta go to New York I got shit to do you know how many you know how many forklis I operated how many eating pills chewing oxy-cutting that's how you learn how to drive your best nobody's gonna know nothing you go

down the you're more sure of yourself and you're um yeah inebriated man I mean god he'll say everything put your seatbelt on it'll be in here till midnight today probably he'll be in here till midnight today we don't make a bet what dates you got coming up gmoney I'm gonna be in Arlington Improv this weekend Thursday through Sunday and I'm gonna be in check right here where can they go what's the way to go to Philippa world.com slash tour remember all the fucking dates so just tell them where to go legit wall calendar yeah no no no April 4 through the 6th Charlotte North Carolina

and I'm gonna be April 18 through the 20th in Tacoma Washington with Rachel Wolfie San Rodrigo Torre Johnny Roque will be there for 420 She put a picture of her up today. She's a beautiful young girl. She's funny, bro. She's a beautiful. I don't even know her father, her mother is a judge who put O.J. in prison in jail. She looks like her.

Yeah, you can tell. I heard about that about it. I got to get around the show one of these times. She's pretty cool. Felipe, you're one of my all-time favorites here. What's up, boo? Beyond the comedy, you're one of my brothers. Don't forget to watch the dirt because he says, I'm going to watch the dirt.

At the end of it, he looks at all four guys, and he goes, I don't care if Motley crew ever strums and don't again. I just want my brother's back. And that's how I feel in comedy. Hell yeah. I want my brothers back. I'm happy you come down here.

How's the podcast doing? What's up, fool? What's a fool podcast? Comedy. It's doing great, bro. You know what? If it wasn't 100 degrees, I was going to wear your sweatshirt. Your sweatshirt fits beautifully.

Thank you. I'm just waiting for the right opportunity, if you know what I mean? Wait for us, no. So we could, you know what I'm saying? We're going to bust it out. We're going to bust it out on something big. Bust it out, right. Something.

Felipe Sparza, I love you to death. Me, I will be in Pitt. Only available is 4-4, 10 o'clock for Pittsburgh at the improv in Homestead. You know, I love you, motherfuckers. I can't wait to be there. And we added the second show at the Pabstita for 420. Bad ass. And 419 is sold out in Minneapolis.

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thank Squarespace. I want to thank my bookie and I want to thank my main people over at Robin Hood to putting this together. I love you guys on all my heart. Felipe Espaza, go to Felipe de Spaza. Philippinepe's world.com slash tour for all the dates. All your dates and listen, support this guy when he comes.

Your brothers, when you're in the East Coast, go see Felipe out of respect. He keeps his tickets low out of respect for you. Go see this guy. This is a talent that you cannot fucking miss. You understand me? Don't make me fucking repeat myself to you. I want to thank the flying Jew, aka the Christ Killer the Original, but most importantly I want to thank you guys

for giving me the opportunity to come into your fucking living room so you fucking earplugs once or twice a week all right I love you guys thank you very much for listening all you can do is be a little bit better today than when you were yesterday let them all suck your dick

if you ate three vikins yesterday eat two today you're a lot better off than what happened yesterday stay black I'll see you motherfuckers Wednesday morning with a tremendous podcast just like this one Lee kick this fucking meal fuck sucker

I want to be around To pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart As I A somebody who will swear to be true As you used to do with me Who to learn That misery

Love's company Wait and see You want to be around See how he does it When he breaks your heart Two bits Let's see if a puzzle fits

So fine That's when I'll discover That revenge is sweet as I sit there applauding when somebody breaks your heart like you