The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #679 - Tammy Pescatelli

Episode Date: April 29, 2019

Tammy Pescatelli, a stand up comedian seen on Netflix and Last Comic Standing, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.  This podcast is brought to you by: 23andme.com - 23andMe is a DNA testing service that can offer you insights on to how your DNA can influence your weight, sleep quality and much more. Order your 23andMe health and ancestry kit at 23andMe.com/church. For a limited time only, get 30% off of your kit for Mothers Day. Deal expires on May 13, 2019.   Pro Flowers - It's Mothers Day. Get a dozen assorted roses for $19.99. Visit ProFlowers.com, click on the microphone in the upper right corner, and use promo code HAPPENING.   CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies go to CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off. 

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to thank all the moms in your life. Now I'm still in New York City. I'm still slinging dick, but the podcast is coming at you. Kick this motherfucker mulee. Oh shit. It's your type of day, motherfuckers. Churchill, what's happening?

Now, here you go. You were looking for a fucking up? Here you go, cocksucking. There you go. Get that motherfucker out. Wash that monkey. It's a new day, motherfuckers. Tammy Pasquette.

The Christ-Killard Lisei, and your uncle Joey. It's a beautiful mother-fucking. the fucking day to be alive. What's the story, Tammy P? We're chair dancing. What the fuck you've been? Oh, man, everywhere. I haven't seen you and how long?

I miss you, my brother. I know. How long haven't I seen you? Maybe 10 years. That's how long? No, I don't know. I think I've seen you. I think I ran into you once or twice in the store, but when I left L.A., and then you got big.

2008, 2008, 2008. Yeah. I was a fucking, I was just starting to pick myself up again. I'd been off the drugs for a year. Yeah, you were doing good. And I was doing okay. At least I was off the drugs. That was the main thing.

I think I got married in 2009, 2010, and you moved, you had a child. Yeah, yeah, so we got out of L.A. You know, you wanted to give them a fair chance. Yeah, to live around these fucking Harvey Weinstein, you know, Jesse Smollett's, fucking college. fucking admissions you know it's just Never Never Land The man who walked by with a suit

And a Superman cake You have to just one day look And go what the fuck You know I was in New York for a few days And I'm driving up to 405 And I'm looking at the sunlight And I'm like you know There's nothing like this place

But it's great The sunshine but you're empty here You're alone You know Well and we were The store was my life That's your life It was my life

And I love Polly to death, but I saw what happened when you rate. Because that's what would happen. I had had my baby in a bucket in the back, and you guys had been blowing weed in his face. Whatever, you know what I mean? Like, he would have, that's what happened. Who would have been comics who watched him while I was on stage? Duncan would have had him playing with that stupid ventriloquist dummy.

Remember when Duncan used to do that ventriloquist dummy thing? And then somebody stole it. I would fucking be scared to that that motherfucker was in the whole town. somebody you know who stole it George stole it Probably Otto and George I think Otto and George were dead Somebody fucking stole it from him

After a show Really? Put it down somewhere What was his name? A little hobo That thing was the creepiest fucking thing Well what was creepier is that Duncan thought it was Like he really

That was going to be his hook Well if you look at the whole thing It was brilliant for Just the fact to go up there, take a ventriloquist dummy, put him on your fucking lap, and actually see the people. I mean, he let people see him. He was not even toilet. Yeah, no. And he would do that song by Pink Floyd, wish you were here.

And then the thing would fucking disintegrate and talk about the devil and satanic messages at the end. It's the mind that Duncan Truffle. Brilliant. A lot of people don't have the balls to go up there and do that. First time I saw, even Missy Shore was sitting next to me. She's like, oh, what that fuck? he's going. You know, nobody knew what the fuck it was.

The more I went out with him on the road and Rogan, I was watching him, I'm like, this is pretty brilliant. And even though he knew he was creeping people out, he didn't give it fucking. No, he wanted, it was really goes to that level of, I can't think of what his name is, Jim Carrey played him, Man in the Moon.

What's his name? I can't think of it right now. Yeah, that kind of shit. Because it was really like he was doing it. He wanted a reaction. And he knew that it was going to, create a reaction. It's going to give you a feeling, you know, and some people are going to find it funny. Some people are going to be creepy, but he knew that it was going to solicit a reaction.

That's brilliant. That's really weird to, you know, when you use comedy like that. Like after 10 years, you start using comedy the way a boxer uses his jabs and his, you know, uppercuts. You know, that's why I always say every art goes to another art. Even us is comics. We know what the home run is. it's the overhead right. Well, right. It's the closer. Yeah, for sure.

We know what jokes are a jab, and we know what jokes are a body shot, just to fucking loosen you up a little bit. Then they're fucking dropping checks, so we've got to hit them with a couple body shots. Yeah. They don't pay attention to the $80 tab. They just pay it and keep laughing.

You learn. Yeah, well. You learn where to attack, what agitates, what does. I know if I'm bombing and they don't like me because I said something that they didn't flow with, now they're going to get the wrath. got on them yeah you got a combination I'm gonna fucking just drop everything that I don't that I hate shit that I wouldn't even say in public around my family I would

say around just for sure because if you're gonna hate me you really give you a reason I'm gonna walk on ice you might as well dance yeah if you're gonna hate me let me tell you what's really in my heart yeah right if I see you eating hummus I'm gonna sell you the 10 black guys and I'm fucking I hate fucking hummus and I hate hummus eat hummus eat it's just yeah especially fucking Americans we eat hummus to be fucking cute but I'd take you go to Isisville and you hang out with those motherfuckers. And then if you like hummus, that fucking, you know, you just go off and they look at you

and they fucking, you know, you just lose them or you gain a fan because somebody says at least the bitch went down in flames. Yeah, for sure. They always mess with me. There's always one woman no matter what, even still, who's too old to strip and wants to mess with me in my show. And I'm like, this is how I pay my mortgage. So you're not going to win.

You're not now, not 25 years in and there's always someone who tries to mess with you. So you give them, I mean, I always say, I give them out. It's not going to end the way you think it's going to end in your head. You think that you're going to come out of this cute. I'm going to destroy you. Like, I want to say, when you want to challenge me in the middle of the show, I now, at first, I'm giving you the out. But if you keep going, I want to say something that's so bad that you want to go home and kill yourself. You're going to stop every day and remember me.

You're going to hate me. You're going to light candles from my death because you're taken from my son, right? Like, this is all I have. I didn't get cast and stuff. I don't have development deals. All I have is my stand-up, my free speech that I have 45 minutes to entertain everybody who came and you can't trick them out of their money twice, right? Once.

You can only trick people one time. It's so weird, especially today. with all the choices you have for entertainment. Yeah, yeah. And you see young comics that are going on the road and they're not prepared. And you're going to trick people one time. Yeah, okay, you can go do it if you want. And you can almost trick them a second time.

You'll get 50% because some people are stupid. They'll come back a second time and go, well, maybe it was an off night. But it's really weird, especially with the entertainment dollar, the amount of comics. You know, last week I was talking to Josh Wolf or something. He goes, I got one of those weekends. again. I go, why? He goes, I'm in South Denver. Ron Funches is downtown. Sebastian's at the Paramount. Yeah. Bert Kreis is at the other theater. And then Mark Marins there on Sunday. He goes, I'm fucking dead. There's a lot of comedy. There's a lot of shit on Netflix. So your game

has to be super fucking tight. Yeah. So when you go to clubs and somebody fucking heckles you, I have a good presence and I go up there with a smile on my face. So it's very rare. People just get drunk at my shows and because of the podcast, they know you, but I don't give them three cents. Yeah, but you know that they're not messing with, like even me, what happens with me more than likely, I mean, nine times out of 10, it's a woman who literally starts trying to be,

she thinks we're friends, woohoo, woo, yeah, whew, high five in me when I'm on stage. But she's not getting what she wants when I'm calling it out, you know, if you act like a whore, you're gonna be treated like a whore. When I'm saying the things and not the political correct.

When I say, you know, this woman's movement is bullshit because when you take a picture with your friend, you only fix yourself on the face app and you let your friend hang looking like Shrek and stuff. And then they get mad. And then they're like, why aren't you? And then they need the attention. And then that's when it starts,

where they start saying stuff or trying to. The one lady, I had $20 in my pocket. And I said, how much are tickets? And they said, $20. And I go, okay, here's $20. for this time. And I borrow, I go to the guy in the front, I go, let me $20. And I took $20 from the guy in front. I go, and the next time I come, don't, here's $20 to don't come back the next time. And I go, if you see me on TV, change a channel. She's like, I'm never coming back. Good, that's exactly

what I want. You aren't my audience. I don't want you. I want people who get it and have a sense of humor. If I went somewhere, like if I go to a restaurant, first of all, I'm not that that fucking dumb that I would walk into a restaurant I didn't know nothing about right I'm not that fucking stupid I don't do that I don't just try out new things because oh my god I don't unless three solid motherfuckers come up to me I don't walk in there right right right I don't try nothing you know I'm saying so I would never complain like if I get it went to a restaurant I made a bad choice and the food suck I pay the guy and I walk out what it happened to that now people got to go home and yelp it yeah but I don't care either pictures and all that shit so

I just, it just bewildered me that people go out and try to ruin somebody else's night. Yeah, for sure. Just try to go out. I don't, like I said, Tammy, I don't run into it a lot, I think, because of the presence on stage. Yeah, for sure. In Houston, I did have to throw somebody out. I won't play. I won't let it get to plan B.

I don't let it get to plan B. If I have to look at you and say, stop embarrassing your girlfriend, bro. Do you know that when I was shooting my special, there was a guy in the front row that didn't want to be there. His girlfriend wanted to be there. And he was hamming. And the whole time he was causing problems in the front row. And there was a point in the special where I turned into the Niro and the family.

I saw my future and my fate. And I just saw me kicking him in the jaw, breaking his jaw. And the camera shutting all off. And then they would have it on tape. I looked at all this shit, all the scenarios, and I gave him a look like, I'm gonna fucking kill you. And then the guy next to me said something to him

when I turned around and it would, and after that it was tolerable. Well, that's what's hard is sometimes what people don't get is from our position on stage. If you're being a dick, I can see the people around you reacting to that. Now, especially like my audience, tickets anywhere go from like 20, 25 bucks.

right people don't make that in an hour some people right so they got to buy two tickets they got to get a sitter the baby buy drinks sometimes there's two drink minimum there's dinner they work for a day and a half to come see my show i got to honor that because if i allow some drunken asshole to take away from my show they're never coming back i got to feed my family right i need them to i need them people i know those people to come back and bring two friends with them next time what you travel now anywhere from four to 17 days a month. Depends on what the, I have a nut I have to cover, and that's what I do,

because I try to balance it out. My kid's 11. I need to be there at his play. I need to, like, he's my priority, but he functions because of comedy. Who watches him when you're on the road? Mom, dad, my husband, yeah. Luke is a great day.

I got a big look and little look at him. He's a phenomenal dad. Phenomenal. They're like buddies. It's like being at a, frat house when i've got you know very sweet guy super your husband was always i had a lot of good laughs at the store you know uh to explain tammy pascatelli told a lot of people who she's been on the podcast for the first time Tammy and me grew up at the store we were kids me yourself sebastian

brett ernst you know rie there was just a couple of us yeah and you were one of the guys you have to see burn you know you have to it's tough for a woman to fit in but for some reason everybody has accepted you you're one of the guys yes you did talk sports yeah that made your plight a lot easier yeah well I that's I needed it I think you even gamble from time right don't you remember yeah I got nervous when they made that movie Molly's game because I was the one teaching all those those big A list you know pansy guys I was teaching them how to play poker is that what you did I'm not going to say who but but yeah I taught some of those big A list people that you play poker I played poker I played

You did something. You did something. I won that poker tournament on TV that I beat all of the celebrities and I lost and all of the pros except I lost to the Unabomber who was like the the champion. You know, what they call that poker tournament? The world poker tour? I don't know, I guess. How long have you been playing poker for? I don't know now about 20 years.

I just had started a little bit before, but I'm Italian. I'm great at the bluff. and then I learned some skills by playing. The more you play against people who are good, you learn. And so then I started teaching some of those no personality, A-listers who wanted. That was my side hustle. They would pay me to come over and teach them. And so when that movie Molly's game came out, I was like, oh, shit.

I had to quick get the book, make sure that nothing was in there about me because I got, everything was above board. Let's just say that, okay, if anybody from the IRS is listening. It was all legal, FBI, D-A, RICO, whatever. You were just teaching people on the play poker? That's it, man. People do it all the fucking time. I mean, there was no big.

You can learn. I was an app. I was a human being app. But it was more played out in Oceans 8, Ocean's 11, was where Brad Pitt was playing over in Hollywood behind where we lived. That's where the game was.

That's where they shot that, that movie. They shot that, but there was a different one. Right. Molly's game. Yeah, yeah, I saw Molly. Yeah, there was a different one, but I don't know if I should, you know. But no, no, the one that Ocean's 11 in the beginning,

he's playing a poker game with a couple of celebrities. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The kids from fucking whatever and whatever. And that's kind of the, that was the scenario. Right, that was the scenario. Yeah, and I think there was something too, and you know, we went through this, was they wanted to laugh. A lot of the, the higher up the celebrity,

sometimes they don't have is, they're great actors because they don't have personalities to fill the void inside. They can act because there's nothing there to be. So they always want to be around a personality that's loud and fun. And we just had a good time. That was good to play poker. But all of us, we were family, man. I was just saying to you, like, I remember September 11th happened.

I called back home to make sure everybody was okay. And then I was like, I just cannot wait to get to the store tonight because we had to come together as a family. And that night, me, you, Ari, everybody came there. And then other people that we hadn't seen in years. That's when Roseanne came down. and dice. Like, people came down because we just sat there. There was nobody in the audience. It's so funny how September 11th was on a Tuesday. And that Monday, I was at the store. And Paul Mooney came in. And I was sitting watching Paul Mooney. And Paul Mooney's talking about how

they're not going to let no nigger break the home run record. That's when it was the white dude and the black dude. McGuire and Sosa. McGuire and Sosa going for the home run record. And he kept saying they ain't going to let that Negro break the record. I'm telling you something's going to happen. Was it him or Barry Bonds? Barry Bonds.

I'm sorry. It was Barry Bons. Sosa's white now anyway. He kept saying, they're not going to let that little nigger break the home run record. And I'm in the back of the stage fucking howling. And he keeps saying this. He goes, you mark my words. Because that was the last week of the season or something like that.

Something was going on. It was close to it. It was close to it. He kept saying they're not going to let that Negro break the home run record. And they went into my head. I went home that night. I'm sleeping. And the next morning, Terry's yelling, oh, my God.

Oh, no. And I go, what's going on? She goes, they just tore down the first tower, a plane went into it. In my head, I heard Paul Mooney going, I'm telling you, they let that little nigger break the home run. Because all the games canceled that day. Look it up. Every game got canceled that day.

I was dying of laughter. I'm like, fucking Paul Moore. They even blew up a building so they wouldn't let that black man break the home record. Did he wheel him that year? It was Barry Bonds against the guy from St. Louis. Really? It was Mark McGuire? It was Mark McGuire.

Yeah, it was Mark McGuire. Yeah, it was Mark McGuire. Did Barry Bonds break the record? I don't know. Let me check. You know, it was so funny how if you compare the store then to now, we were a tighter bunch back then. There were less of us for sure. We needed to be tighter because there was really nothing going on down there.

You know, for people who listened to the podcast and all the other podcasts, we all talk about the store now. It's packed. At this time, the store was the number three club. Really? There was 10 people. There would be 80 on a Sunday, 30 on a Monday, 8 on a Tuesday, because it was black night in the main room. So white people got the word out.

And only the only people would come in. Yeah. Was if you laugh the only people who would come in is people who were next door at the hotel And didn't know if you had ten people in the main in the original room on a Tuesday Ten people you would happy I remember them holding off It was four to start the show And we did you call and have yeah anybody there's running an hour late yeah, so don't even worry about yeah We'd be at the whatever

Wednesday nights it'd be 35 people Thursday nights it'd be like a hundred and five yeah you'd make money in the Your money night was Saturday in the main room in the main room Yeah, that was it. Everything else was $15. But then we went through the no alcohol spell. Yeah, it was crazy. Mashed up the liquor license.

Pauly Shore messed up the liquor license. So there was no alcohol at the store. For fucking seven weeks, people. No alcohol till December 30th. Yeah, because they had just snuck it in for New Year's. So think about going to the county store eating a fucking gorilla biscuit. You go to the thing, you pay $20 and you got to drink fucking soda. I don't even think it was B-Y-O-B.

No, no, no. You weren't allowed. No. So for seven weeks, you had to sit at the fucking comedy store like a deaf mute, fucking looking at eight comics, and people hated it. And the fun, there was so many little things going on. Like one of the nights I remember Holtsman on stage and Vinnie Faberito took a fart machine and hit the third row. And we all sat in the back. And every time Holzer, he would hit the buzzer.

He would hit the buzzer. And fucking Holtsman started going, who the fuck is that? You got stomach problems? You're going to die. You're going to die. You're going to die. Stop fart. You need to go to the emergency room.

You know, you didn't know when Mitzie Shaw was going to come down. And that was like, oh, she would scare the fuck out of you. Here's what I remember. So just to know, Lee, I came from the improv world. I was already, I was like a split week headliner when I first got to the store. Not, or people would show up at the club and go, we don't know who she is, but we already have a sitter, like out on the road. But when I get to the store and I get passed at the store, I'm meeting these guys.

And I don't, there are nobody that I've met on the road. But you realize that this was the place where the energy was. This was the place where people were working. When you go to the improv, they were doing, or the laugh factor, they were doing their seven-minute showcase set. No industry came to the comedy store. None. No. Wouldn't even go.

Even if they wanted to sign you, you'd go, I got a showcase at the store. Ew. Yeah. No, there's no food. There's no parking. We don't go to the store. You could grow at the store at the store, and that's what Mitsy wanted.

She wanted you to be able to try new material and grow. She wanted it like an artist colony. So I'll never forget that first night that I went to audition for her, right, and you were hosting. And I was already a little, like I, you know the story where Rick Messina had called me and said, go down because she needs a chick for night of a thousand Guidos.

And she didn't show up that night, whatever was going on. So the next week I came back and you were hosting again. And no one was paying attention to me. You were the only person who was nice to me. And I went on stage and I had a good set. And Mitzie called me back. She was in the back.

And she made whoever was sitting next to her, a med or whoever was, get up. And she kind of held on to me for about 45 minutes while all these other people auditioned. And she would speak to me every once in a while, say something. you're good. This is going to be your home. I'm going to. And I got up out of that chair and all of a sudden I had all these new friends because everybody wanted to know what Mitzie said.

And then I stayed up all night and prayed and lit candles for her because I was afraid she was going to die before she told Tommy to put me on the line up because I thought she was going to die. But you were there way before Tommy. Oh, maybe it was Duncan. Yeah, you were there way before. You're right. Maybe it was Duncan.

Who was, I feel like there was somebody before. Yeah, that's who was Princess Corey. She was, what's his name's wife? Fredy So, those, God rest his soul. Yeah, that was, we went through a lot together. That was, we really, I remember making Italian, I am not a cook, but making an Italian wedding soup, putting it together like a pauper and bringing it down to the store so we could all have something to eat. You remember those days? I remember breaking up with a boyfriend and I had like a few shirts that I was going to give him for Christmas.

Sebastian and Brett will tell you the story, and I pulled up and opened up the trunk, and I was like, get what you guys want? I could pick out, because what was I going to do? I couldn't return them. I got them, so everybody got a shirt. And, you know, we just, we made, we were like a, we were just like a rag-tag bunch.

We were the bad news bears. How I became friends with Andrew was because of your husband. Yeah? Because your husband, Mitzie passed your husband, and he used to take out a flame to throw a, on stage, a flamethrower lighter. He would put in that black jacket.

And he would take a flamethrower and light a cigarette and put it back in his pocket. He would say he was the second in command again, being a crime family. Luca was saying some crazy shit on stage. So one night, Dice was down there, and he walked past the thing,

and he looks at Luca, and his fucking face turns red. And I didn't talk to Dice back then. The Dice was down there for about a year, and I never said, nothing to him. Not a word, not a hello. He'd sit out there with his cousin. And sit on the step. On the steps. And then, and I said, Dice would kidnap conversation you. Kill you. If you had a conversation, we used to have to have, God bless Andrew, but we used to have a,

have to have a signal for you to come rescue me from Dice. It was crazy. But at this time, I did not talk to him. So one night, like 1145, I had just gotten on stage and Dice is in the back arguing with Scott, Scott Day, that your husband, Luca, and Marino was stealing his spirit on stage. Yeah. And it's not fucking right. They gotta go. That's who they go.

You ask. And I'm sitting there. And I, you know, Dice inspired me. Who I do on stage is Dice. So I was feeling like pressured and finally him and Scott arguing and I said, excuse me for a second. I go, Andrew, I don't know you. But I go, when somebody starts for the first three years, they emulate.

who their favorite comic is. It's just a natural thing. You'll have different things from Bill Hicks or maybe a yell like Knessen. You emulate somebody else until you get your voice. And once your voice comes out, all that skin sheds,

you've got to cut these guys a break. Plus they really were from Brooklyn in New Jersey and Italian. And he's going off. He's like, no, fuck that, da, da, da. And you know what? I got my car. Didn't argue with him.

I didn't want to start a fight. I love dice. and then I fucking the next day he called my house and he goes you were absolutely right you know yeah I didn't even look at it that way it's a form of flattery yeah people gonna do it all the time you know

I work at comics by the fucking Saturday they're saying cock sucker why are you saying cock suck up yeah you don't say that but it just comes natural it's just a problem you know it's just a thing that when you people peel off on people it's not the kid's fault it's just that you're trying to find your voice.

Yeah. And that's how he became friends. But I always loved Luca. When did you and him get together? So I don't know if you know the story really, but the fact is, is I never dated comic. Right. No, you were anti-comic.

Because I didn't want anybody to ever say, oh, that's how she got that. Plus, I know guys. I mean, don't forget. You would date like athletes and shit. Yeah, I was on. You were high-priced ass and shit. You didn't fucking around.

I should have locked that down. They were picking you up in Maserati's and shit. I should have locked that stuff down. Tammy was a fucking around. Now I'm living in Meadville, Pennsylvania, working at a mechanics garage. He would date a baseball player. Tammy wasn't fucking around.

Tammie was stealing hearts and minds and shit. But, you know, I also would go on the road, and I knew that if I was in a condo, because I'd have to go on the road with two other dudes. Sometimes I didn't know them. And I knew that if I dated one, that the other one would be like, oh, yeah, I fucked her in it.

And you didn't. But I could never be able to pre. it like once that goes. So I decided I wouldn't date any comics and then figure it out from there. But then I met Luca through that stripper colony that I lived in. Do you remember when I lived in that stripper colony? No. You got to remember when I lived. You came over my house for a couple of parties. Where? I lived behind the dime on North Orange Grove. And I lived in a six-unit apartment building, right? And it was like me and this young upwardly mobile black attorney and four strippers and various stages of their careers.

And I got really busy. That's when last comic came out and stuff. And who else has Mondays off besides comics? Strippers. So as long as I had money for dinner, I had friends. So I had different groups of the, so, and there was all, I mean, I think they made me more of a girl, those strippers. Because I was one of you guys, like you said, I was one of the boys. I was a dude.

I was like Joe Pullner Check. You know what I mean? I was scratching ball. and everything basically and they made me softer you know don't you remember the story I said Joey this girl just you might have been high at that time but I I know you know this store because I was moving into my apartment right and I'm struggling and I'm trying to get this thing and then this girl this beautiful girl comes walking up the driveway and she sees me struggling and she doesn't help me nothing she got this bag and all of a sudden this guy comes in the driveway

And he's like, hey, where are you going? And she throws her bag at me. And I'm like, what the shit? Here, she was like, oh, I'm helping her move. I don't know this girl, but I'm who I am. So I just kind of went, oh, yeah, hey, how are you doing? She went off with her boyfriend and left the bag with me. When she came back, I didn't even open it because $10,000 in cash because she had went with some shake.

Remember the shakes that used to invite people over? And I told you I told you you said I would have taken that motherfucker I would have taken on don't ever if there's a bag in your house call me I'll fucking open it for you that you said to me yeah so anyway one of the strippers upstairs was dating his roommate and they were on the phone as she was on the phone with this dude I didn't know and she said what are you what are you in Luca doing and I said is that Luca Polanka from the comedy store because I had never really met him I was he went home to be with his father who was dying and I was busy and and then that was it but I came to you guys and said

when it got to I'm like I'm dating him what do you think and you're like he's a good dude he's a good dude he's a sweetheart yeah always a sweetheart yeah always trying to get you in a movie like the last conversation I had with him he had a camping movie with the chick who played Patriel yeah yeah Jackie Appreel's wife Sharon Angela and he had something he always had something fucking cooking you know I'm saying whether it came up But not. It didn't matter because he was always hustling, you know, and then you guys got married or you guys just left. But I knew you, I saw you on different calendars. You know you always on different, you were still on the road and stuff like that.

Yeah. You know what else I was thinking about? I've always been one of those guys that when I get off stage, there's really nice comics that come up to me and say, hey, you should throw a tag on this. Do you remember the storytime Pescatelagh? So for years, I wouldn't take tags. And one night I'm up there killing, and I get on stage, and Tammy goes, why don't you say? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Why are you so fat? What am I cutting the Coke with butter? And I didn't say it for like a week or two. And then one night I said it, and it got a laugh. I forgot all about it. I was dying, and I needed something to get me out of it. And I'm saying the joke now. You know how I do material.

Yeah. Sometimes I do it. Sometimes I don't. And you'll come to me afterwards and say, you forgot the saying, I got, no. Wait, don't fucking remind me. I was using a joke like that. And one night I'm at the store,

and I don't know anybody, and I'm doing the joke. When I get off stage an hour later, Monty Hoffman, God rest his soul. God rest his soul. Comes up to me. Like, he wasn't... He wasn't in his right mind.

He wasn't mad at this time. He was... He goes, hey, I just want to tell you that I was doing that joke for a long fucking time. and I hope you didn't see me and steal it. I go, first of all, you know anything about me, I'm not a joke thief. Right.

I go, I didn't steal it from you. And I didn't say your name or nothing. I just didn't use it. I just said, you know what? That's what I get for using a tag. Yeah. But I didn't see him and see. I didn't even know him until two years later.

So now, six months later, I'm at the improv. And he comes up to me out of nowhere on a Sunday night. Guys, this is when. Yeah, this is when. You called me. Don't come up to me, bro. Listen, I'm the type of guy that I'm a great guy.

I love, but don't come out of me out of some way, especially in public. He comes at me, yelling, foaming from the mouth. And what do I do that he thrown him? I just spit in his fucking face. I just spit in his face, and now they got to hold him back. And I just point, like, nobody held me back. You go, get the fuck away from me, and the next time I'll break your fucking shoulder or something. I mean, this is when I was doing...

Somehow. Dog, I was doing Major League Coke. at the end I was a little pissed off. I wasn't in the mood for fucking games. Nothing was happening for me. And this is the last thing I need. Is this fucking moron telling people I stole his fucking joke from 20 fucking years ago?

Yeah. The guy was old and I got it. But the night he came and I spit in his face, like two weeks later, I find out the guy's got cancer. And now I got to feel bad about it. He had brain cancer, so he was making bad choices and stuff. I didn't know he had brain cancer. No, who did?

Nobody fucking knew. So, you know, that night he came up to me. He was saying some pretty fucked up shit, and especially after I spit in his fucking face. He even went fucking crazy. So I go somewhere one night, and there he is with two goons. But the problem was the two goons he had, I saw around town at different auditions, the mafia stuff.

And the two goons were goons, but... Paper goons. From looking on their eyes, I could tell they were. week. Yeah, paper goes. He must have told him who I was, but not what I looked like or whatever. And when the two guys saw me, they kind of

like didn't know how to really approach it. Like they were like, do we or we're getting ourselves? Well, I didn't know what that deep. Oh, yeah. It did it get, it got into a bad position. I walked in, I kept it together. I go, if they come into my space, I'm fucking them all up. Like, I'm just attacking

off for you. I was still on Coke. Yeah. I would hit him with a bottle. I'd do whatever the fuck. I didn't what fuck I was taking like in the words of my brother loops you guys might be stronger to me but I'm taking something I'm taking something with me so I went I did it and then I got a call from my agent and she goes you got this was when I was with the comedy agency the lady was Spanish and she had trejo and the other dude who's our friend Amelia Rivera she had them both and she was like my sub-agent So she calls me up on there. She's like, I don't say on the coffee here.

You're doing the new fucking whatever movie. And I don't even want to repeat what it says on the sides. And I'm like, okay, it's shouting on a Saturday morning. Yeah. I get there on Saturday morning. Who's there, Monty Harphing with the two goons? Hysterical. So I had to grab Nick Swanson and tell him, listen, dog.

I'm going to tell you this just so you know. I had beef of Monty, and he brought those two dudes. If it goes down, it's going to go down in here. That probably got you the park. I went and got like a pipe and hit it behind my trailer. And then my line, my scene was with Monty. I had to sit next to Monty.

I had to walk in with Don Johnson and then take a seat next to Monty. And we had to make believe like we were friends and shit. It was fucking cruel. And then I left. Nothing happened with the two dudes. The two dudes were looking at me

to say if I would make a move and I would just look at them both and keep walking. And then I heard he died. I didn't know it was that deep. Now, what, if you remember, though, it wasn't when you got off stage. We were talking in the parking lot, and you were saying, I can't lose any weight. I'm doing blow all the time.

You go, I'm shitting all the time. I'm doing blow it. I can't lose it. And I go, well, what are you cutting it with butter? And then you go, I'm going to use that. And I'm like, okay, I don't, you know, that's what it was. I'm cutting it with butter. Yeah, so it wasn't, I never saw him.

I don't know Monty Hoffman, you know. Did he ever call you? He did call because he called the name. night after the improv and he was like he said that you gave it to him and I said I don't know we were talking I don't know that we were trying to but I go if Joey says I gave it to him I gave it to him because I'm not stolen from you bro yeah like it's terrible yeah I said if if Joey says I gave it to him I gave it to him Joey's not going to just say that Joey's not gonna you know and I go but it Monty that if that's a joke it's not nobody spits in my faith he kept saying nobody's

pissed in my face I just did I just did now get the fuck away from me. Three guys were holding them. The management, the improv told me to get on stage, not to get on stage. I go, listen, I didn't do anything. Did you see my hands get raised? Did you see anything happen? No. I'm going on stage. I spit while I talk. He came over. I fucking, he tried

to accuse me, and I caught him right in the face in the mouth. He was wiping it and spitting it out of his mouth. It was fucking hilarious. Meanwhile, I'm at home. I don't even know anything. I don't even know this stuff. You know, the store at that time was tough. It was tough.

For sure. You were angry. You know, you were getting bumped every night by Eddie Dice. All of us, yeah. Fucking Gary Shanling. And he would go on for two and a half hours. You were frustrated. You know, you're frustrated. You have a right at one point. You were frustrated. I still

remember Steve Renizzi, he frustrated. Everybody in comedy at one point says, what the fuck am I doing with my life? But guess what? I'm already at the store. Yeah, yeah. I'm already here. But this is where I always get mad. And I think sometimes it comes on me a little bit more because I'm a woman. Like, well, someone will say that you're jealous of someone else's success.

Not is not how we were brought up. Our group of friends, our clique, every time somebody got something, we would celebrate it. I remember coming after my first Tonight Show, watching it out front. All of us together, Bobby Lee, we'd get together, watch Mad TV out there. We supported each other. It was hopeful for us. Like I said, slave. were never upset when one got away.

That's how it was for us. When someone busted through that line and had some success, we were always happy for them. Nobody was jealous because we were all in that team together, I think. And I mean, I don't know what goes on now. I think now because a lot of the people aren't, you know, grinding every night. They're social media comics.

They're coming through. So maybe there is jealousy. They didn't have a camaraderie that we had. I still have my camaraderie with a couple of people at the store. I still, I'm going down there tonight. I'm excited. Yeah. Well, I don't mean just a store.

I mean comedy in general, too. Comedy in general is always going to have complainers. You're always going to have people who felt, you know, people will tell themselves anything to make themselves feel better. Yeah, for sure. Okay. If you want to tell me that you didn't have a career because Rodney Dangerfield took your career away because you were doing roddy impersonations if that's what makes you feel good right then say it if you

want to say that uh joey d as uh fucking got you thrown out of the store and you can't now you can't have a career and that's what makes you feel good you're gonna say it none of those things ever made me feel good the only thing that made me feel good was knowing i did the work well comedy solo so really nobody else has any influence on you you know what i mean it's like you're in that by yourself. Like that's, it's on you. That's why I think we related a lot to. I think when the mixed martial arts, that's the other thing you and I and Joe always bonded on. Because if you remember, Pat Militich was a friend of mine and a trainer for me for a while. And we were, that's when the UFC started. We were all, we were all part of that. We all went to those fights when they

first were starting. It was, it was hard. The UFC has done what the comedy store has done. Like, it's become commercial, like, and that's great. You love to see the growth of that. But we related to that because it's just one-on-one. If you fail, you fail. It's not the audience's fault. It's not the other comics fault. If you succeed, that's on you. Like, that's your credit.

You've worked hard for that, you know? It was just a different time, you know? What do you think it is about comedy that either, like, you guys are best friends that, like, like, closer than family or you're beating each other. Like, it seems like a weird. I don't know if any other industry has that. Maybe they do, but what about comedy does that?

Listen, man, I've said it a thousand times. As a fan, as a comic, as a human being, there's comics you're not going to like and there's comics that you like, okay? There's people that you like and there's people that you don't like. Yeah, and I'll tell you something else. There's a big difference, and here's a difference now versus then, I think.

This is my opinion. Granted, I'm old. I'm 25 years. I'm monologist. You have to figure out. if you want to be a comic or you want to be famous. That's it. We didn't necessarily want to be famous.

We wanted the respect of other comics. We wanted to be, I wanted to be a comic. I wanted to be a comic. That's one of my problems is that I never thought past being a comedian. Right? I never thought, oh, I should, I never made moves that would have helped my career. I made moves sometimes that hurt my career because they weren't genuine. You just wanted, I wanted the comic.

to respect me. I figured if I get my friends to respect me. That's all you need. That was good enough. Nobody was giving me nothing. Yeah. I was only a regular at the store. The Lafactor didn't want me in there. Yeah. And the improv would give me a spot once a week. If that, the black show, the Latino show something. I didn't, I was sleeping in my car. You know, I was living off of Ralphie Mae. And the little apartment,

all of us were all fucking giving each other whatever we could. It was like, you were in a gang, but not. Really my balloon busted when the Joe Rogan thing went down That's what my balloon busted as far as me thinking I was part of something I always thought I was part of a big picture. I always thought that I look at Tammy. It's like where I grew up I don't have to explain nothing to you Tammy Yeah, I walk in the door and I take to grab a bat and you take the jacket and we go I don't have to tell you a reason You know in your heart that if you smack somebody in the fucking head

they got it well worth it. That's how I was raised. You don't have to tell me. You know, did you watch dirt? Yes, I did watch dirt. When he hits that dude with the guitar, smash around the face. And then it looks at you.

This is what life is about. This is what made me, I stuck up for Anthony Balzano in the eighth grade. And the next thing you know, I was in Italian's house. And they were calling me our favorite spick and I was eating pasta. Right.

You learned to stick up for people. Yeah, for sure. this or what happens to your career, whatever. I'll take the knot. That's the best scene ever in that movie that Ben, that's the best thing that Ben Affleck ever did in that movie, where he looks at it. No, it's the other one where he's a bank robber and he looks at it.

The town? The town. He walks in and he goes, we've got to go do something. Some people are going to get hurt. We may get in trouble. And his friend looks at him and he goes, I'm in.

Let's just go like that. I can't tell you why. When the Rogan thing went down, it disillusioned me for a long time. That was a big, those two, three years. You mean when they said don't come back after the Carlos? Because I went to him first, and I go, something's going on here. That's no bueno. Something's going on here that's not right.

Tommy, something's not right here. And when he was doing that tour with Eddie Murphy's brother, John Efron, and Tom Sawyer, and Tom Sawyer, they were talking bad about Rogan at the store time and all those guys are saying when he gets back he's not going to do 40 minutes no more on Friday nights and you have to come to the facts

at that time it was Rogan who was keeping those doors open on Friday night. He was only one of us that was drawing. That's right. I remember the night he got, do you remember the night that he got Fear Factor? We were all in the back celebrating because it was one of those nights and nobody was there and all of us were in the back and just running yeah in the back.

You know, we were talking about Sebastian before. Like, we were a group when Sebastian didn't even talk. My wife tells stories about Sebastian and his shirts, how he would come from the four seasons and meticulous. And he would have a colon on and he would hang by himself. He wouldn't say two words. We would go watch him and he would be up there, stiffer than a board. And look at him today.

Yeah. Look at him today. Yeah. And his dress pants. I know, it was fun. What about, do you remember the time that, remember how they used to do the Playboy charity show? And it was once a year, and we do a big charity show in the main room.

Oh, in the main, no, I don't think so. Yeah, well, they used to do this charity show. It was just all these people would pay to golf in a charity thing, and then they'd come to the store. And so the next day they had a party at the Playboy Mansion, and everybody wanted to go. But only me and Eleanor and like two of the waitresses could go because they didn't want any dudes to go, all right?

And you don't remember this story, Joey? When the one girl tried to fight me and kicked me off the trampoline, this little, that's how I got all those jokes about the girls that they're mean because they're hungry, you know, because the tiny little one. And she literally, I tell this in my act, but in real life, she kicked me off the trampoline and I fell down and like slid down the hill. And it's a reason, I'm the reason why they got rid of the trampoline at the Playboy Mansion because he was afraid.

I never sued anybody in my life, but he was afraid. But I couldn't walk for three days. You don't know. No. It's a true story. All this stuff is a blur. Like this blur. Yeah.

Well, you guys were making fun of me because I couldn't walk. I still wouldn't miss my spots. But I'm like, I fell off the trampoline at the Playboy Mansion. And the joke in my act is true from what you guys said. I go, no one believes when you can't walk after going to a party at the Playboy Mansion. It has anything to do with a trampoline accident. So, yeah, we had so much fun. I used to go to the Playboy Mansion to do shows.

with the fucking crazy dude on the radio. I don't know. He's still on the radio. He's on the internet. He would do a yearly playboy show. Oh, Likis? Likis. Tom Likis.

And I got to tell you something. I think I went to the Playboy Mansion twice. I couldn't wait to get the fuck out. It was so dirty. And everything I did, I went home and shower at both fucking times. And I remember telling friends of mine, like from Jersey. I went to the Playboy Mansion and I ran out of there. Yeah.

I ran out of it. out of there. I even got invited when I was in the longest yard that year because he was shooting on Halloween. He came to the set with 20 girls one day. He goes, you're all invited to my Halloween party if you want to come. So it was a special longest yard

bus and you had to meet somewhere and Goldberg. Yeah, and then they drove you up. And then they drove you up. You couldn't bring your car. And I was like, I wouldn't get on that fucking bus if you paid me. And people go, you had the chance to go to the Playboy Mansion and you're not going to go not in a million years.

Both times I went, it was fucking filthy to me. Like, I just felt. Yeah. And something just came out about it the other day. The grotto probably had HIV or something in it. No, they just, they found tapes. Oh, boy, something happened. Something recently was discovered about the Playboy Mansion.

We, the thing is, is that the stories from the store back in our day, we had all, like, I feel like we were a bunch of neighborhood kids. That's what we were. You know, we were a bunch of neighborhood kids. They said it's haunted. Well, that's for sure. And we cheered for one another. With the unborn children that got taken out by code.

But what we had opportunities that when I would, I stopped calling home to tell people what happened to me because they didn't believe me. You know what I mean? Like they, first of all, they were already thrilled that, well, when I would say I was friends with Dom Iera, they'd be like, oh, my God, you know Dom I. And Dice, I'm trying to get away from Dice. in the back thing. And then Eddie Murphy comes in and, you know,

Mitzie's showing me home movies of Richard Pryor and Sam Kinnison. And you just could, the opportunities and the things that we had were unbelievable because we're probably that last generation that got a piece of the legend, you know? I got a big piece of her. Yeah. And it's funny. Her death has changed me a little bit at the storm,

especially my attitude. Her death, me eating a dick on the Netflix taping and her death made me a different comic. I didn't see that. It made me go back to the store religiously like, no, I'm just a store comic. I'm not interested in your fucking room anywhere else.

Okay. I'm just going to the store. All right. I want to sharpen the fucking knife. That's where you have to go. You don't know what life is. Do you have to follow Ali Wong and Delea and Rogan and fucking, you know,

you don't really. know what your life is, you know? And I decided I wanted to keep my comedy up at that level. For me to keep it at that level to go on the road and fucking lay motherfuckers out, I got to go to the store because I adapt my act at the improv, and you adapt, you're at the laugh actor because it's not accepted to go off the way you go off in the original room. Right.

You know, that's what Missy Shore taught me. That's what she wanted. That's why she turned us into the soldiers that we are today. Yeah. That's why she picked us, not for us to pussy foot, PC it, none of that shit. She didn't believe in none of that. No. That's why she ran that place like she ran it.

So the only thing I could do now, with 56, I got nothing to lose. I was looking for a job when I found this one. Right. See what I'm saying? I was looking for a job when I found this one. I'm not 40. I got a sag pension, whatever I wanted, because I worked all those years, because I had the same problem you had.

Have. Have. You were fighting, we're all fighting. I dropped out a little bit and said, they're not going to pick. I knew my fate. I didn't lie to myself. I said, I'm never going to go to Montreal. I'm never going to do a tonight show.

I'm never going to do Letterman. I knew all these things. But I'm a regular at the store. Yeah, yeah. So just because I'm not a fucking Army Ranger, I'm still a fucking Marine. Yeah, it was great. Great what you guys did. You went around that.

Like I would have to try to be clean to do the tonight shows. And all those things happened. I knew that all that stuff wasn't going to happen. So I went to movie route. Yeah, that's great. I started booking movies and TV shows. I knew, because when I moved here, they told you. Get a TV show and you sell tickets on the weekend.

When I got it, it changed. I'm always the next person. And then to get it. Me too. I'm always the person. I lose to the person who gets the part. Like, I don't, I don't. I don't audition much.

I mean, I think in 25 years, I've had less than 100 auditions, and people who don't understand in show business, that's nothing, you know. And I think I've come close to having the part. I've gotten about five of those parts, maybe 10, and I think I probably come close about 60 some times. What made you leave? What made you, once you had your son? Yeah, because I needed him to do real truth.

The real, real truth. The real, real truth is that at that time, when I was pregnant, I make my living on the road. I knew that that's the only thing I can control, right? And there was nobody to show me that that had been done. Now Allie's doing specials pregnant. Amy's doing specials pregnant. But when I said I was pregnant, my agent said to me, I have never seen a pregnant woman on stage. You better not tell anybody.

No one's going to want to book you. Thank God. You're not with him no more. Yeah, for sure. Fucked up. Well, he fucked up. I stayed with him. Well, that's when I said to him, like, apparently you never been to a really bad strip club.

Like, I was like, but it was, I knew that that's what I can control. I mean, there had been people at other levels. Even now, Amy and Allie, when they have their kids, they're at a better level than I was when I was pregnant. You know what I mean? Like, I'm a road dog. I'm at the club Thursday through Saturday. What am I going to do with the kid?

And then literally a man, I'm not bullshitting you, a man walked by me. I was sitting outside the doctor's office waiting for Luca to get there. And a man walked by me in a three-piece suit, a briefcase, and a Superman Kate. And I was like, we got to get the fuck out of here. This is ridiculous. How do we just, you know? Why not go back home to Cleveland? No, we went to New York.

We went to New York and we moved in one attached house. to my mother-in-law, who at the time was insane. Insane. I went on the road one day. She sold my furniture. Threw it away. Not sold it. She got new furniture.

Threw mine away. I had to go buy it back from the guy next door. I mean, because she thought her furniture was better than mine. She changed my son. And I know this is like mom shit, but she changed this formula. Stuff you don't do to other people's, you know. Just it was. Did you stay in New York for?

Three weeks. Yeah, three, yeah. Because I was like, look, we, I said to my husband, we had this house in Pennsylvania. I was like, I'm going there. If you want to grow up and be a husband and a father, you can show up over there. If you don't, stay here with your mother, and we'll figure out custody. And it took him a couple days, but he showed up. But I was like it.

What made you buy that house in Pennsylvania? I thought I was going to let my parents live there. I thought they were going to, because everybody was all separated. My brother's one place, and my one brothers were in this town, and I had friends. It's back to the future town. It looks cute. I always wanted out of a small town, but I always kind of liked that small town living kind of like. What are you close to, Pittsburgh or Philly?

Pittsburgh. Really? Yeah. So I get in the car, like I had to get here on Thursday. I get in the car at 2.30 in the morning because it's an hour and a half to Pittsburgh. I get up at 2.30. I get in the car at 3. I get to the airport, maybe two hours to the airport, depending on the weather, and I

be there an hour early, catch the flight. And so, like, when I miss my spot at the store, that's because I've been up 24 hours. By the time it's 1130 over here, I'm up 24 hours. But it's... No, there are, but not on my airline. And I fly so much, I got to... What airline has a direct flight from Pittsburgh? I think something like Spirit Airlines or American Air, you know, who's that fucking...

You can't fly Spirit. Yeah, I'm not flying that. I'm not a cheerleader and I'm not an alcoholic. So there's only one airline that flies direct. American used to have one. Yeah, everywhere. After September, they would have one. One flight a day direct.

Yeah, but I try to stay with Delta because you try to just keep your sanity. Plus, you know. Don't say that to Tom Rhodes. He'll fucking have one. I know, no, no, they made it right with Tom. They made it right with Tom. They did all of All-R-I's podcast and like they made, all of RIS fans went on Delta and they made it right. Yeah, they made it right.

And they've been doing stuff like if I get an upgrade, a first class upgrade, I will, I'll trade. And I see that they have an active military. I will trade it out with that military. Because, you know, the military buys seats for their people, but they're usually those ass in your face back by the, that don't even tilt by the restroom. So I'll trade with them and give them the first class ticket. and Delta found that out and started saying that if I had a companion and I would say that the military person was my companion, they would allow them to have a first class seat. So they're trying to do the right thing. Good for you, Tammy.

I'm working it. Man, well, you know. You got to work it, Tammy. Well, I did 13 U.S.O tourists. Those were crazy stuff. Don't remember the time that I went over? I told you remember the time I was so scared because there was a guy that I had worked with on the road that banged a retirement. I'm a retarded girl.

For real, Lee, you don't know what shit people did. I've seen some sick shit. I've seen people do blow off a sonogram. There's some sick shit that I've seen. And this dude had banged a retarded girl. And it cost me $17 a minute on my bag phone to hold it up to the club owners. Because I was like, can I go stay somewhere else? I don't want to hear this anymore.

And when I asked him why he did it because he was married, he said, because who's going to believe her? Right. Right. So you don't see him and years go on and you don't run into him on the road. I was a feature act back then. Then I go to go overseas. I'm going to Kuwait, Iraq. It's right after September 11th. It's when it was quote unquote war time. It's June of 2001. And they go, the other guy that you were with fell out. And here comes this motherfucker. That's the only thing I could say off the plane. And I'm like, oh shit, I'm going to die. Because this guy's. karma is so bad. I wouldn't sit next to him when we would be on the military plane. I'm like, it's going to go down. He's been banging retarded girls so his wife wouldn't know. We're going to get hit with a scud missile. Does a retarded girl come to a comedy show? Yeah, yeah, she came to, you couldn't tell. She just kind of looked slow, you know, but you knew something was wrong.

She was in pajamas for God's sake. Like, he knew. There were people in a chair. He knew what was going on. I this is what happened I left the show and I said do you need a ride back to the condo and he was like no I'm okay and I was thinking what a nice guy he is because he's spending time with this group these kids that you know I had said hello to the wheelchair like you know you he was I thought wow he must be a nice guy and uh I was first time I ever met him and I get back to the cond I'll not forget because it was dial up you know when you had to have dial up and I'm on the computer I'm in the in the living room room and he comes in and I was like, oh, you had a good show. And all of a sudden, this girl comes behind him. And I thought, what? And she sat right next to me. And she'd never seen the computer. She's like, what are you doing? What do you? And he's down the hallway. And he says, I see him. And I kind of look and make eye contact. And he says, come here. And I start to get up thinking he's going to say, I'm sorry.

I don't know. I'm a decent human being. So I thought a normal conversation was going to be had like, oh, she just needed a ride or blah, blah. And he goes, no, you. And he pointed to her. And then the most god awful pig fucking grunting, noisy, slurpy sounds you ever want to hear in your life. And I'm sitting there. It's already awkward.

If somebody else is having sex and you hear it and you're in the living room, but I know what's going on. I know this dude is married. I know that this girl is slow. And I literally, I have this bag phone. and I called the, you know Colleen, Colleen Quinn from the Omaha Funny Bone. I call her. And this is what bonded us.

I go, listen. I go, now this is a different day. This is 98. I go, he's fucking a retard. Get me out of this condo. Come get me. Let me see it. Your house.

I'll sleep on the couch. I'll sleep on your porch. Just get me out of this condo. I'm not staying. And then when he showed up in Iraq, I was like, I'm going to die. I'm just going to die because his karma is. so bad that something bad is going to happen to us and thank god i made it out of there and you still do the u.s. or to us still domestically domestically i'll go down well they're

everywhere you go to huntsville alabama you go anywhere lots of alaska stuff they're all in alaska you go you go up there where they have a secret mission basis yeah i said the tape we just got to do our own we got to do our own i had a guy that used to bother me from the commas scott kennedy remember scottie kennedy no god rest is so god rest is so is that who got who got who got you in no that he did his own he did his own there was another guy that would come to when I first got to the store the first two or three years 97 through maybe 2001 there were people went down there was one guy who used to book Rotterdam yes I went and I went to that show I did that show do the Thursday and then Friday you do Amsterdam and it's

sold out and you come back on Saturday they stopped me at the fucking Kennedy Airport and they were like ma'am you can't go no And me, Jessica Kerson and Mike, I can't think of Mike. Remember that? He used to at the store. Yeah, I did it. He would come up to you on a father and go, what are you doing in two weeks? You got a passport?

Yeah, you're going to Amsterdam. Yeah, you're going to Amsterdam. That's how fast it was. No drama, no paperwork, no fucking tape, nothing. He would just see you at the store. And then there was another guy. And it was creepy, too. I'm like, is this slavery?

Like, I don't know what this is. Yeah, it was cool. They sent the contract. Yeah. But you didn't know if it was real, like, until. And that was the good news. Like somebody went. I forgot who went first.

He had to call you long distance or something. Somebody went first and made it okay for us because it seemed creepy. Like I'm like, we're going to get over there. Nobody's coming back. They're going to smoke so much weed. This guy told me a bunch of stories. I'm going to take it a cafe where you could drink the THC and the coffee. I mean, he was just like, my head was going to blow.

I'm like, oh. And I remember saying, I'll never forget saying to Ari. I go, it's going to be like that movie, The Game. where they're bringing us over there to hunt us. Like there are people, you think you're going to do comedy, and they're just going to let you run and try to shoot you. That's what this is.

Yeah, that's right. We do the TV show and rather than, but you ever got a copy of it? I never. There's so much shit that we did that I don't have. I did a, the world stands up in London. I remember going all those places by myself,

being miserable. Because you, you know, you think it's all glamorous, but you're by yourself going everywhere. And you can't even take pictures. of stuff. I have these great pictures. I remember showing my son these pictures of all these great places

but you're not in them. Because it's not, you could, there were no cell. You try to take a selfie be your eyeball off to the side. Like you could never line that camera up. Yeah. She just took one out and I was watching an episode of Narcos on the plane. She took out one of those thin ones that you used to.

Yeah, the 1-10. Yeah, remember the, in a flash cube? You had to have a cube. Crazy. How long have you been doing comedy for now? 25 years. Don't you think I should have a better career by now? No. You look good.

You have a child. You're married. Yeah, yeah. You're not strung out on drugs. You didn't fuck 80 comics. No. There's no bad footage of you. You never said nothing wrong.

You prove yourself at the straw. I mean, you have had a tremendous career. Listen, there's a lot of women in barrel that the ovaries call. Once the ovaries come calling, a woman, there's not much you could do. I'm not a sexist. I'm not a sexist pig. I'm just telling you the truth. I've been around comedy for so long that you see these women that a gung-ho, gung-ho, gung-ho, fight, fight, scratch, tooth, nail, toothed.

They made a guy. Yeah, but that's what it was about, a ruse to get a man. Then they stop, you stop seeing him. The guy's like a writer. Yeah. He doesn't want her out doing comedy. He knocks her up. They have the kid.

You bump into an commercial audition eight years later. When she's divorced and going back to comedy. Or she's telling you that. at, you know, whatever. So I understand the ovaries. I understand the need for a woman to come out and be herself. I mean, how many condos can you stay at in balls can you smell? You're in a condo with two men.

Their feet are out. Well, I got pregnant by accident. I didn't get pregnant. I mean, God bless, and my son's not going to watch this, but eventually one day I'll tell him. But I remember I was in Montreal. And I called Luca. How long were you dating Luca before you got? Two and a half years.

Really? Yeah. So we were living together. and we were talking about a future and we were, you know, but I just wasn't that, obviously, it wasn't that girl who wanted to get married. Right. You were my thing.

You were comic. You were comic. Yeah. With the old reason, I didn't called you. Yeah, no. And I thought I couldn't picture doing this the way I did it with a kid. Because I know what I wanted, what standards I have for a child, right? Like, I'm not a filth.

I knew I needed to take care of that kid. If I had a TV show or something, I could have seen popping a kid out. I would have planned it, but not on the road. Like, what am I going to do? I couldn't figure it out. So, but I was in Montreal. I'll never forget this. And, you know, everybody goes out till four or five o'clock in the morning in

in Montreal. That we'd go crazy in Canada, all the comics. And I was going to bed like 1.30. And Dom was calling me going, it's come out. So-and-so is here. So-and-so's here. And I'm like, and I said, I called Luke and I said, I think I'm either pregnant or I'm dying.

I don't know what's going on But something is wrong with me And I flew in and I got a test And he got all excited And I was crying It was like the opposite of like regular life You know how people Usually dudes are like

Oh shit what are we gonna do And women are excited I was like I was crying Because I just couldn't understand I was 15 years of comic Like what's gonna happen You know? It was just different

It's just different time And I still don't know How it balances out I still lose time with my son but I do the best I can by everybody, you know? I have sat here for 22 years and saw comics destroy careers, destroy marriages, and destroy themselves. I saw it.

You know, I've seen it. We could sit here for hours and tell you. When I walked in that day and Terry told me I knocked her up, I was ready to jump off a bridge. I didn't know what to think. you know we were just starting a podcast maybe yeah like a year into it yeah i was doing it with felicia i think oh we were doing it already yeah you finished it with felicia yeah we'd sort of i just didn't know what to expect and i remember telling her at the at the habit when she was

eight months pregnant that i don't know what you're going to expect from me as a man i don't know even to give you at the sake. I'm trying to be a fucking comic. Yeah. But the truth of the matter is at that time, Terry's income was fucking keeping us in pork jobs. Yeah. You know, I was making a little money,

but it was her income together that we were putting the pieces together. I had, because of the drug addiction, I had major loans. I had a loan that was six, 30 a month for six years before child support, before rent. Yeah. I had come up with six.

30 every month you know crazy um let's do it and now you have all these opportunities and it's like i turn them down to be with my daughter yeah i don't know i don't want a fucked up kid walking around hollywood no want my kid at the county store in 20 years you know unless they want to be right yeah i don't want her looking for answers yeah that's why i write the log for her every other day oh do you that's good you have to be right you have to be right yeah you have to be right yeah i don't know because if I die, I wanted to hear her from the horse's fucking mouth. Oh, that's awesome. Not to hear it from somebody else's fucking mouth.

You know, I have never, like, look, I never thought I was like a, I never thought I was a legend. Wait. Do you want another one? I never thought I was great. I never thought of that, but I will say this, that my comedy has never been better. Yes. because all the fluff is taken off. I realized that prior to having these two men in my life,

you know, my husband and my son, I, that's all I had was stand up. That was my life. I would talk at people at night. That's why we were such a good family because we saw each other. We could physically see each other. I now don't care, I don't care about fame.

I need people to know me enough to buy tickets to come to my show. I work around, when this one made me lose my agent, this, that, I worked around it. My priority is taking care of my family, and now that even means my parents. You know what I mean? My priority is taking care of them. Comedy is the beautiful thing that allows me to take care of them. So I use it for what it's supposed to be, and I've never been funnier. And my perspective is clear.

And I think I've never known who I am more as I sit here this moment. So that translates on stage. I appreciate when people come and I get to do 45 minutes an hour and take them out of their life because I get it. I got to get out of my problems too. You know, it's a couple weeks ago. They had a thing that the New York Times put Dave to tell us the best club comic. Yes, I saw that.

And for a long time until about a year ago, Dave was kind of struggling on the road numbers wise. And I remember saying it on the podcast going, guys, just because somebody doesn't have a podcast. or somebody isn't good on social media, doesn't mean that they're not a great comedian. Right. I go, a lot of these comics are on the,

not on the, they're not selling tickets, but that doesn't mean they're still not deadly comics. You're a deadly comic. Jimmy Schubert's a deadly comic. Dom Herrera is a deadly comic. There's comics that just because they don't have a podcast, doesn't mean you're not going to go support them. You might have a better time at their fucking shows

than when you have at my show with a podcast. No, not your show. But that's the truth. That you guys never stopped. You never stopped. No, you can't stop. You continue. You were comedy store trained.

Comedy store trained. That's like, you know, you had intimate conversations with Mitchie Shaw. She told you what she expected from you. She would tell you. Sometimes she'd tell you something that was, put the handcuff on and come out like Fidel Cash Show. She was like, come out with a glass of wine and just be like you're a little drunk. But do you remember when she got upset? I'll never forget this.

I wasn't getting spots for a while. Like, it's been like two years, and I was, I was regular spots. You know, us. And because nobody was there, Lee, like, we got spots every. You could get two spots a night if you wanted sometimes. Like, you got spots every single night. You say, okay, what are you home? And you got it every single night.

She, for a while, wasn't giving me spots. We're trying to figure it out. And I remember Duncan was just, why she wouldn't give me spots? And she thought I was that other Italian girl that Julia Rossi, do you remember her? She got confused for a little bit. And because she had two of everything, right? What does Eleanor say?

It was like Noah's Ark or something? And she thought I was Julia Rossi for a little bit. And then I don't know who sat her down to tell her. Maybe Eleanor. And said, no, no, that's Tammy. That's not, you're getting confused. Oh, okay. Yeah.

I mean, no, Tammy. I never, I always give comics the respect they deserve. I love watching, like I love going to the store and getting high and sitting there in the back with Mitzie used to sit and watching the art of comedy and nobody stops getting funny. They get funnier. Yeah, for sure. The more you go on stage, you get funnier. Yeah. You know, you said that you were dropping a DVD later next year, a special throughout the year later on.

Yeah. But coming up in a few weeks, May 3rd, you're dropping out a season. Yeah. It's a throwback Tammy. Yeah. On iTunes? Yeah, iTunes. It'll be, you know, Pandora, whatever you want to, however you want to get it.

I don't even know. Probably my uncles have it copied in the trunk, you know, that kind of stuff. Tammy, it's, I'm happy you reached out or whoever to get you on the podcast. I was dying to see you. You're the first one of all our group. And it made me so happy. And I said, of course, you were my intro to the store. You would be the first one, you know?

What do you think about Brenner and Speen in the Cleveland? I love it because he's only an hour and a half away. My son calls him Uncle Brett. Yeah, we're going to have some good times. We're going to have some good times. Yeah, it's all of it. How's the winter by you? What's even worse, though, you want to know what I really, you know what I'm going through now more than anything?

Is that my relatives are saying to me, Sebastian is my favorite comedian. I'm like, fuck you. I love Sebastian, too, but how dare you tell me that he's your favorite comedian? comedian like but and then I went I'm like I get it I get it you got to bow down to it say something man I had 20 friends that called me when Sebastian was at the garden looking for tickets and my feelings did not get it no of course not I told you I was there crying oh did Luca go with you no he's not always going he was he's been sick and you know but I went by myself and I got to see him backstage and he's walking in and I said

telling buddy I go this just like walking into the comedy store it's exactly what I said I think it might even be on his DVD I go but you're walking into this place the same way you walked into the comedy store and then he rose I told you this but of but he rose out of the middle of the garden with pyrotech and I just I'm standing up and I was around people that weren't like the civilians you know and I'm crying and just tears to come to people probably think this brought us crazy stalker or something but just to see that I couldn't I just my heart just you're so proud yeah yeah you see him at the original room dying in the back yeah trying to figure like you're doing it for us like you're doing it for us like I can only no I cheer for all my

comrade you know listen man I like I say every time you move up I move up yeah I want to be your wife on something though or your crazy sister every time I move up you move up when you're an open Mike, a guy gets a special. You're friends with that guy. You move up a little bit because everybody elevates. Yeah, it unclogs the drain. Everybody elevates, you know, so you cannot walk around with a chip or hating people, giving yourself excuses. I'm very proud of you. I got to be honest with you. You kept it together. You went out there. You built a family. You know, I mean, this is what being a comic is all about is growing with the time. Yeah. Well, look at the ones who got stale. They're stale. There's comics of the stale. They're still

living in Woodland Hills, sharing an apartment, doing things that, because they didn't have the right mind to go, you know what, I did my time, I did everything I could do, let me buy out of here like a gentleman. Go to a small town, take the little money I have with me. That's so funny.

You know what I'm still doing my little gigs from time to time. You know that I'm 57 years old. What do you want me to tell you? I'm 56, what do you want to say? You know what I tell them I'm going to be, I'm not going to be nothing. Yeah, but you'll,

in two years I won't be able to fucking walk. They can never. I never stop it. It's not two years. It could be a long time, God forbid. But they can't stop it. Like, first of all, I love it. Now it's in my blood. There's never been anything I've been addicted to more than comedy. Like, that's it. Like, I love the freedom of saying it. So you're not going to stop me. You might not pay me as much as I feel like I need to be paid. But I'm always going to work. I'm always going to work. I'll do those Mr. Saturday night gigs to the old people homes down in, in Florida. You know, if I have to. Will remember the Billy Crystal movie? I'll do it. I'll age in. I'll show up in my suitcase and skate and just stay there and no one will know. But you can't stop people like me and you who are hustlers. Like we're in the good way hustlers. Like I never screwed anybody over. I never robbed it. But like you can take away. You can, you know, you can put a fatwa on my head and you can take away my agent and you can take away. And the industry can shun me and drop. But you know what? I worked around it. I just went and made the car. I know how to figure it out. You can, I know how to figure it out. You make the calls yourself. You go around it. You keep going because ultimately the jokes will speak for themselves. And as long as people keep buying tickets and I'm supposed to give you a good show and I want to give you a good show.

And that's you can't trick the public. And I keep coming back to that. But grassroots campaigns aren't allowed anymore. You know, in the old days you'd build and the clubs would build with you. Now they want you to walk in. Like someone said to me, a club owner goes, well, Aziz tweet. and sold out in six minutes. And I said, well, there's a fucking billion of his people.

He should sell out. He's a very funny comic. He's been on a lot of things. He should. He deserves to sell out. But don't compare me to Aziz. That's not a fair comparison, right? So you have to just, you just have to know your role.

That you have to do. And I think I... What are you made dates? In Portland at Harvey's. Okay, what date? The 16th through the... 19th. Okay, what else you got in me? Yeah, I think I'm on a theater in Pittsburgh, Zealianople. So yeah, so I'm busy. I'm in the first week of May. I'm in a theater in Virginia, Friday, Saturday,

in Vienna, Virginia. I can't think of the name of the theater. You still got a website. Yeah, pescitelli.com. That's it. That's all you need to go. I get skywriting. I have a guy come knock on your door and tell you where I'm going to be. I'm doing the none of your business tour. Don't worry about where I'm going to be. Don't worry. I'll let you know that day. That's her tour. Don't worry about where I'm going to be. Tammy, anytime you come out to LA, you're always welcome on the show.

I love you. Your family, I'm happy. Give your wife, my love, kiss that baby. kicking these motherfuckers in the ass with that comedy store of blood and send your best husband and family. I love. I love you my brother. Thank you very much, you filthy fucking animals. And now

for a word from our sponsors. Yo! So I want to thank Tammy. Pascatelli, the Christ Killer, and you motherfuckers for supporting the podcast always while I'm in New York City trying to put it together. I'll be around the city this week doing spots. I don't know what nights it, but check up with Dangerfields. I just go in there and do a 20-minute little workout just to keep the fucking muscles going. But I want to give a word to our sponsors. Don't forget the real pros in your life are your moms. And May 12th is Mother's Day. Right around the corner, do not forget. Let me ask you a question. Where would you be without your mom? Me, I don't

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That's number 2,3&Me.com slash church. And remember, the offer ends May 13th. I want to thank Tammy Pascatelli. I want to thank the Christ Kill, and I want to thank you guys for bearing with me at this time where I'm shooting films, doing podcasts, doing stand-up. you're going down that road with me. Have a great week. This is the way to start your week off right.

Kick this motherfucker, Mulee.